Pardon My Take - Commanders WR Terry McLaurin, Patrick Reed’s Lawsuit, The Big Ten On CBS + Mt Rushmore Of Precrime

Episode Date: August 19, 2022

The Big Ten is back and has taken the CBS theme song with the new TV deal (00:02:40-00:05:42). 11 year old kid runs on the field during a White Sox Game and Shohei Ohtani is fulfilling the best Baseball Tweet (00:09:11-00:14:21) . Patrick Reed sues Brandlee Chamblis in an all time lawsuit ( 00:16:46-00:24:56). Mt Rushmore of Precrime (00:24:56-00:55:28). Washington Commanders WR Terry McLaurin joins the show to talk about his new contract, being turned down by Urban Meyer, and tons more (00:55:28-01:22:40). We finish with Fyre Fest of the week (01:22:40-01:32:40:28).You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music. On today's pardon my take, Washington Commander Terry McLaurin. We have the Mount Rushmore of Pre-Crime. We catch up on a bunch of stuff going on in the sports world, the Firefest of the Week, and Patrick Reed's lawsuit against our good friend, Bradley Chambliss. So great show, sending you into the weekend.

We're only a couple of weeks away from football, and we're brought to you by our friends at Game Time. Game Time is a ticketing app that makes it easier than ever to score last minute deals on tickets to sports, concerts, and shows, and they guarantee the lowest price. I can't wait for football to be back. I think we all can't wait for football to be back. Where do you think the best seats in the NFL Stadium are, Hank? This is actually a very good question, and it's going to tell us a lot about Hank.

C-suite Hank. I think it's got to be the 50-yard line at Gillette. But where, like, lower bowl, top bowl? Middle of the lower bowl. Wrong. Wrong. The best seats are on the, like, the first row, top level, 50-yard line. That's the all-22, baby.

That's the all-22. You can see everything. There's actually an obstructed seat at FedEx, so you can't sit there. Yeah, but that's the best seat. I'd say the two non-obstructed seats at FedEx Field, those are the best seats in football. Yes. The biggest last-minute price drop's going to be found on the seats you thought you could never buy.

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Football is back. Game Time is back. Go download it right now. Go to that Account tab to create a login and redeem code PMT for $20 off your first purchase terms apply. Okay, let's go. Welcome to part of my take presented by Game Time, the best place to get tickets. Football is back.

Game Time is back. Today is Friday, August 19th. It's November in West Lafayette, a beautiful gray sky coupled with a balmy high of 47 degrees. This is where championships are won and lost. Two Titans prepare to clash in a 60-minute battle of field position. 5-3 Purdue welcomes 3-5 UCLA. It's Big Ten Football on CBS, presented by Home Depot. We got the song, baby.

That's bullshit. We got the song. We got the song. We got the song. We got the song. We got the song. We got the song. We got the song.

We got the song. We got the song. We got the song. We got the song. We got the song. We got the song. We got the song. We got the song.

We got the song. We got the song. We got the song. We got the song. We got the song. We got the song. We got the song. We got the song.

We got the song. But they're going to have to punt. I need to see LSU. Baby. I need to see Florida. Sorry. I need to see Georgia, Alabama, even Vanderbilt. Oh, baby.

This song screams Vanderbilt. I'm so excited for this song. It's official. The Big Ten has captured the greatest sports song. I'll be honest with you. The song doesn't hit the same without Vern. Yeah. No, that's true.

But guess what? You can't yuck my yum, PFT. I'm so excited about this song. The rites have been official. Here's a fun thing though. You would hate it if it went to any other conference. Oh yeah, of course, but it's mine now, baby. It's mine now.

And we're gonna get to see Rutgers vs. USC. And we're gonna get that song. And we're gonna get that song. So the rights have been finalized. The Big Ten has, they basically have a buffet of sponsorship or television rights. It's gonna start with Fox, then it's gonna go to CBS 330 game,

then it's gonna have the NBC game late at night. And here's what we really need though, what came out of all these meetings. Fox is gonna run a television draft every spring on what games each company gets, which why wouldn't you televise that? Yeah. How great is that draft gonna be? What's the purpose of doing a draft

if you're not gonna televise it? Yeah. And then who gets, but then you have to draft to see who gets to televise the draft. And I wanna see, I wanna have like a Mel Kuiper who's breaking down what games you should go after. I wanna have draft grades immediately afterwards.

I wanna see who's gonna bust. I wanna go back after the season's over and say, okay, this person did a bad job, they should be fired. Oh, Penn State wasn't that good. So they were Ohio State Penn State game that you picked, 1-1 wasn't a great pick. Yeah, exactly.

We need to make an entire ecosystem around TV rights and analyzing how they do picking them up, which games got the best ratings. So we can look back and then we can do an entire BCS of networks at the end of the year and do a playoff. This is it, right? This is, we're giving you free ideas, Big Ten. But yeah, that was announced like an hour ago

and I'm just so excited. We also have the announcement, or it hasn't been announced, but we think it's gonna get announced. Sean Watson. It's been announced. It's been announced. So what is the official ruling?

11 games, 11 games suspension, which translates to roughly like 0.7 games per woman he's assaulted. Right. And then I think on top of that. I think the number is like 70 or 60. It's gone up. Well, it was like 60, but then it was,

you know, they paid off a bunch. Whatever, the punishment, it should fit the crime. He should have to jack off, swagger the dog before every game. Well, it's also, this is 11 games now. We get to go back to the conversation we had where people are gonna be like, oh, okay, so eight to 11, now it's enough.

Yeah. What? They just raised it. And so obviously, anytime the NFL announces a suspension, my first instinct is, okay, what's Godel's angle behind this? Why is it 11 games? That's a weird number, right?

So you look at the schedule, that game that he'd be coming back would be against the Houston Texans. So they have to talk about it all the time throughout the entire game in Houston. Homecoming. Who Houston was implicated in, you know, aiding and abetting some of these things as well.

Yeah. Now also the second thing I thought Big Cat was, wow, that's kind of weird, 11 games. Okay, so yeah, he's come back against Houston. Wait, when does flex scheduling start in the NFL? Yeah, just so happens, starts right on week life. I don't know if they'd flex this. That would be, that would be.

That would be too transparent, maybe. You'd feel like, because the taxes are gonna be good. The Browns might not be good without Deshaun Watson. So if they flex this, it would be quite a move. Yeah, so as long as Deshaun Watson, yeah, I think he just promised. He's like, Roger, I swear to God, I won't sexually assault two dozen women ever again

in the history of my life. Pinky swear. I'm done, pinky promise. I just put a stamp on it. Week 13 selling our footballs, Colts at Cowboys. I feel like that. Those are two teams that you don't know how good they'll be. Yeah, that's true.

Jake bearing the Cowboys already, I love it. Or is he bearing the Colts? Oh, the Colts. He might be bearing the Colts. You don't know. Matt E. Ice. Matt Ryan. I'm just saying, if it was like Chiefs Packers,

there was no shot that would get changed. You know what we need to do, by the way? They're not gonna take the Dallas Cowboys out. The Matt. That's true. The Matt Ryan on the Colts thing. Next week, maybe on Sunday night, we should just do a big round table of fun facts.

This guy's on this team. Yeah, we do. For everyone, for all the listeners, for ourselves, where we just go through all the rosters and we're like, fun fact, Julio Jones on the Bucks. Yeah, remember Marquis Goodwin, I think he's on the Seahawks. Yeah, so we'll do that.

Is that what we learned? Yeah, we will do that. Everyone come with a couple of fun facts. We'll try to wow each other. Now on the who? Yeah, we'll wow each other with some fun facts. So yeah, the Sean Watson news came down. There's not a bunch else going on right now.

We're in that waiting pattern. We got a good Mount Rushmore coming up. The only other things I wrote down, there was two White Sox stories that I wanted to mention real quick. Get your guys' take on. The first, I don't know if you guys saw this, but the fan at the White Sox game

that basically was coaching the team and Tony LaRusa denied it. But if you missed the video, a fan was basically in the first row right behind the on-deck circle. And he was screaming to Tony LaRusa, put an Adam Engel as a pinch runner. And it was maybe two seconds later

that Tony LaRusa came out and put an Adam Engel as a pinch runner. So Tony LaRusa is just doing fan-controlled baseball now. I like that. Good idea, pay attention if they pay your salary. They buy your drinks, Tony. Yes, yes. And then the other one was,

did you guys see the kid, the 11-year-old kid that ran on the field? At the White Sox game last night. Were you watching this game? Well, no, I saw it pop up and I was like, holy shit, why didn't more kids not do this? Yeah, because I don't get in trouble. Right.

Why do more kids- Security can't tackle you, right? They literally just, like, Yeah, they're holding his hand. Yeah, they held his hand and walked him off. And I was like, this kid is a fucking genius. If you're under, let's say 14, I would say. 14 is about the age

where I don't think a security guard would tackle you. Why wouldn't you just run on the field and then you go, you get a slap on the wrist and they're like, they probably tell your parents, like, don't ever do that again. Well, no, so what happens is, if you're a kid, you run onto the field, your dad gets to then run on the field to bring you back.

Sorry, sorry, everyone. I'm gonna grab my kid and while he's out there, he gets to say hi to all his heroes. Wasn't that, was that a White Sox game or was it a Royals game, like 15 years ago? Oh, it was a White Sox against the Royals. It against the Royals, where a father and son went on the field and just beat the fuck

out of the first base coach? It was White Sox saving his dad. Yeah, it actually wasn't. I say that every time it comes up. That was a crazy, crazy shirtless, just going to beat the fuck out of the first base coach. Honestly though, like a great bonding moment though, if you get into a fight with your dad

and beat somebody up. You're like, do you see what I did? And then it also was a great, the opposite of it was great because it's very rare in life that a bunch of dudes get a chance to beat the fuck out of someone else and be completely absolved from any guilt. Do you know what I mean?

That was the rare case where both teams can be like, we can beat the fuck out of these two guys and no one can say anything to us. Yeah, it's like if you happen upon someone who's like committing a crime and they get tackled, like get a free shot, get a couple free shots in. But yeah, they could go over there, stomp them out like Ty Cobb and everyone's like good.

Yeah, they deserved it. It's like one of those spring break videos where like a guy hits a girl and then everyone just fucking swarms the guy. It's like you get free reign on this guy. Yeah, I would like to be a part of a situation like that. I feel like I'd be a good person who would like just stomp on the guy's arm

and be like, okay guys, we don't wanna actually hurt him. Like, okay, we've sent her a message, stay off the head. No head, no body. Yeah, so yeah, those are the two stories that I saw. And then wait, what did you say, Jake, what was that? Do you think he gets banned? Oh, the 11 year old? I don't think so.

Or like his family, his parents? Once he hits puberty, he'll look completely different. Yeah, he gets a stern talking to you. That's what I'm saying. It's the perfect crime. Like more, I don't wanna tell all of our 10 year old listeners to do illegal activities, but you should be running on every field.

Yeah, and also start smoking weed. And start wearing a pardon my take shirt. When you, pardon my take shirt to any 10 year olds that run on a baseball field. I like that. No, I imagine this week, it's like three different ballpark. I would be the funniest crime spree in America

than like a bunch of 10 year olds just interrupting baseball games. I think baseball is a sport that you could get away with it more at, because they're not kids in baseball, they're youngsters. Right. And like announcers fucking love youngsters. And they're trying to grow the game.

They're going to go into a ball game with their dads. That's the best. It's like an entire team runs on the field for that game. Well, no, I think that's like, that's organized. That's like, that's like a January 6th moment. If you have like a whole group of people storming the field. Yes.

Yeah, but I'm down to do that. Like I'm down to fund that. Yeah. A January 6th of 10 year olds. Lone Wolf. Lone Wolf's only got pre-crime on your mind. Yeah, we do. We're doing the Mount Rushmore pre-crime.

All right, so the only other baseball story I had was Shohei Otani just, I know we've brought it up before, but it just happened again. It keeps happening to him. The classic tweet that we read from this guy, like maybe the best tweet ever from Metomic, who he said, every time I see an Angel's highlight, it's like Mike Trout hit three home runs

and raised his average to 528, while Shohei Otani did something that hasn't been done since tungsten arm O'Doil of the 1921 Akron Groomsman as the Tigers defeated the Angels eight to three. So yesterday, that was a tweet, a joke tweet. Yesterday, they tweeted out, Shohei Otani with a two run homer and he's four for five with a homer and a triple

and four RBI's today, Angels down 11-7. Yeah, this is the new Nick Castellanos. It's the new meme that like in baseball, anytime Shohei Otani does something like remotely remarkable, that tweet's gonna go revital. I actually think that should be dominant. We should make a sports tweet hall of fame. And I think that's on the fast track to get there.

That right now is like one Soto's career. That project's gonna be a Ted Williams hall of fame. Correct, that tweet will get brought up as long as Shohei's on the Angels because they got, he went in this series against the Mariners. He went six innings, two earned runs, eight strikeouts and then went eight for 13 batting

and the Angels got swept. Yeah, I think that's just perfect. I think that tweet, the overtime hockey one by John Boyce and the fucking a man tweet. I think those right now are the three, maybe first ballers. Kevin Durant's, there's no relax champ. Yeah, you log off.

Yeah, no, you log off. Yeah. It's just a log off battle. So PFT, we have- Well, there's one more thing that happened. Vogelbach just got a double and it's just always a treat to watch him run. He's the best.

When I see him run, I sing to myself. You remember that big boy grilling on the roof? Big boy grilling on the roof. That's what I hear in my brain as he's rounding for a space. Just incredible. He's got a body that's bigger than most full backs. Maybe like an offensive guard

that plays college football. He's unapologetically fat. He's big. He's a professional athlete. He's just a big boy that grills on the roof. Yeah, and he also will be, and I, so I dipped into Mets Twitter last night because I bet on the Mets

and they are just, they're just a tortured brains left and right because it's actually kind of similar to when the Cubs got good where it's like, Mets fans know the Mets are good, but they're still the Mets. So they always are like, we're still the Mets, but we are good.

So it's just tortured like back and forth where they can trust the fact that they have good players, but also be like, we're the Mets and we'll always Mets. But it was very funny because like that team, Vogelbach has just the perfect doing something huge in late October moment. Oh yeah, yeah. He's written for it.

I can already see it. Like it may be even early October. Maybe he goes nuts in a wild card game or they're probably not the wild card game, maybe he goes nuts in the first round of the playoffs and then all the casuals come out, unlike us who are through seam heads. He's like, who's this guy?

He's a hero in waiting, like everyone knows that he will have- By stock, by stock and Vogelbach right now. He will have a big moment and everyone who hasn't been watching baseball will be like, who's this fat guy? This is incredible. And I'm ready for it because you, like if the Mets, if you're a Mets fan

and you obviously have hopes of winning the World Series this year, they're that good, the best sign of you guys winning the World Series is that you have Vogelbach on your team because you need one of those guys. He's just built for October. That's a Halloween body. You just need one of those goofy guys

who's gonna do something fucking huge. Also, I guarantee you he's gonna be an amazing presence to have during a World Series parade. He's gonna drink all the beers. He's gonna take the fattest shit in the White House. He's gonna be just funneling beers on the, going down the Avenue of America. He's probably gonna have an ice luge

in the clubhouse after they win every series. He's probably gonna be doing like Irish car bombs, like heavy cream shots. He's the best, the best. All right, so we also have Patrick Reed's lawsuit before we get to our Mount Rushmore PFT. I have not read this because you said you wanted to wow us.

Yeah, just a Friday reading spelled R-E-E-D. Patrick Reed's lawsuit against everybody really. He's suing the PGA tour. He's suing Brandl Chambliss, Bristly Chambliss, and his lawsuit is laugh out loud funny because he's been enduring abuse and people have been saying that you support a tyrannical murderous leader.

But in his lawsuit, he said this would be akin to stating that LeBron James has aligned himself with a tyrannical murderous leader. So right off the bat, he's comparing himself to LeBron James. So he just hired a Twitter reply guy for his lawyer. Yes, to be like, what about China? What about the NBA? But okay, this is the funniest part.

So he has to specify the personal attacks that he's suffered in this lawsuit. Can I say one thing? I wish that the lawyer had gone more Twitter reply guy and been like, it's akin to LeBron James, who is also known as LeFraud James, oh, in 10 and finals. Yeah, it's equivalent to LeChina and LeBubble James.

But this is the funniest part of the lawsuit because he has to list specific examples of abuse that he's endured from the fans at the direction of Brandon Chambley. This won't backfire. So these induced personal attacks include but are not limited to now on the tee, the excavator because he cheats, he digs out of the ground.

Okay. You suck. You fucking suck. You jackass. You coward. Shovel. Why don't you dig a grave and bury yourself in it? You piece of shit.

No one likes you. Everyone hates you, Reed. Good luck digging yourself out of this one. Where are your parents, coward? You cheater. That one hurts. Everyone hates you, cheater. You're going to miss this, you cheater.

You cheat in college and on tour and you're a piece of shit. That's a lot. That's a mouthful at the tee box. Beat the cheaters ass. Sorry, Webb, for having to play with a cheat. Who did you piss off? Why don't you introduce your children to their grandparents, you ungrateful bitch.

Ooh, nice. I like that guy. This is just a sampling of what defendants maliciously and intentionally cause and furthered with actual malice. These personal attacks occur frequently while Mr. Reed is actively preparing to make his golf shot or during the golf shot, much less thereafter as he is walking to his next golf shot,

as well as lining up putts and making putts on the green, which putts require a high degree of concentration. Oh, that's so good. I love that he's kept meticulous notes. I know his wife. His wife has. His wife has been standing behind him the whole time, just writing all these insults down.

You cheat in college on tour and you're a piece of shit. That just rolls right off the tongue. I did see one other piece of it and I want to meet his lawyer because his lawyer sounds like he's on truth social a lot with the insults he threw in this lawsuit. He also wrote, in this regard, defendant Chambley, a former professional golfer who fell far short of ever rising to the accomplished level of Mr. Reed

and current analyst for Golf Channel. So he just like, just a reminder, Chambley sucks at golf and Pat Scree doesn't. That's so awesome. I kind of wish that it had some language in the lawsuit of the whole in one press release. Do you remember that one? Yeah.

Where he's like, what did he say? It was a strong wind. Yeah, it was a strong wind. Reed made a hole in one. It took place on the seventh hole, which is playing 181 yards into a slight wind. He had a five iron which sailed magnificently into a rather strong wind with approximately five feet

of cut whereupon it bounced twice. I'm a very, Reed is a very modest individual and you will have to say that he was bragging and he doesn't like people who brag. That's pretty much what his lawyer, I really want to meet this lawyer. He's the best lawyer ever. I actually love sleazeball attorneys.

I think there's some of the most interesting characters in the world. As long as they admit that they're a sleazeball, they're so funny. Yeah, exactly. Like Florio, Mr. Portnoy, the best sleazeball attorneys. The best sleazeball attorneys. Yes, the best, the ambulance chasers.

Fucking hilarious. Again, I don't think that's going to have the intended effect for Pat Scree. I feel like I didn't even know he was called the excavator, but that's what I'm calling him. But listen, I want to be very clear because we do have a platform much like Brandl Chamberlain has, so I don't want to get sued by Patrick Reed's wife.

So I do. No, I do. Whatever you do. No, I do because it would be great for the show if you got sued. Whatever you do, big cat. Seriously, this is so that we can get it on the legal record. Do not say now on the TV excavator to Patrick Reed. Don't tell him he fucking sucks.

Don't say good luck digging yourself out of this one. Whatever you do, don't say you cheat in college. You cheat on the tour. And you're a piece of shit to Patrick Reed. Do not say any of those things. But if you can figure out a way to make that into like a chant, that probably works. Don't say it.

Don't call him an ungrateful bitch. You cheat in college and you cheat on tour. Don't call Patrick Reed an ungrateful bitch. Whatever. You remember how we asked you guys not to call Bryson Brooks? And you guys definitely didn't call him Brooks more after that? Don't say all these things to Patrick Reed. Please don't.

Oh my god, what a guy. I'm going to miss him. Listen, I love Patrick Reed in a way that one would love like a rascal dog that somebody else owned. Yeah. And you laugh at it shitting on the carpet and chewing everything up. If we had to deal with him in any manner, we would hate him.

But from afar, he is so funny. And let's not forget, he's a big Imagine Dragons fan too. That's facts. That's facts. And he didn't steal from his teammates in college. That's a fake story. Yep. And he doesn't cheat.

He doesn't cheat. He's not a bitch. And his wife is in a psycho with a burner account on Twitter. Nope, none of those things are true. We defend Patrick. Captain America. We should actually add ourselves to the lawsuit against Bradley. I would be down.

The enemy of my enemy is my friend. We're huge Patrick Reed fans, and you've hurt us. Yeah, can we join the lawsuit? Can we just tack her name? Can this be a class action lawsuit from the damages that I've felt having Patrick Reed's ego damaged by Brandless Chamberlain? I'm sure I've been on Patrick Reed at some point

in the last couple of years. So I could just find that bet slip and be like, yeah, these insults hurt my wager. That's true. If we had a real scumbag attorney, we could make one of those class action like it's best as commercials. You, have you lost a bet betting on Patrick Reed

because his feelings were hurt because of very unfair coverage by Brandl Chambley? Well, then you are entitled to damages on your behalf. I'm in. Let's do it. And we'll take 75%. We've got to get into the later phase. Jake, write that down for next time we have Mr. Portnoy on to see

if we can sue for that. OK, anything else in the sports world? Anything else going on? No more preseason football games. Yanks are back. Yeah. Walk off Grand Slam. The Yankees are back.

Walk off Grand Slam. They've won their first game in like six weeks. After Chapman blew it. Yeah. Well. We've talked enough about him on this show. Yes. The, oh, I was going to say, this weekend,

be careful of the preseason betting because everyone's just going to bet the overs after when 13 and 3. I feel like this is going to be just, I'm going to sit out, be smart because I know that I'll just lose my money in September, October, November, December, January, February, March, April, May. But be careful.

So I did really well last week with the system of betting on the rookie head coaches in their very first games because they want to win those games. I think the move this weekend is to reverse that and bet against Moneyline every rookie coach that won their first preseason game because they got that win under the belt. Now they're like, you know what, I just want to evaluate now.

Now they're going to swing back in the other direction. And bet on the Ravens. So that's what I said. And obviously bet on the Ravens. 21 in a row or something like that. It's insane. It's insane. They're the boys of summer.

The real boys of summer. OK, let's get to our Mount Rushmore. It's brought to you by our friends at Coors Light. Summer is full of official events, like weddings, graduations, and annual 4th of July barbecues. But everyone knows the best parts of summer are the unofficial ones. This summer, Coors Light is the official beer

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Who won Mount Rushmore? Thank you to Coors Light, the best beer ever. In Golden Colorado, I miss you. Golden Colorado. I miss Colorado. Just, I do too. Great state. Recap coming Sunday.

Yeah, recaps coming Sunday. Be ready for it. There's a lot of Coors Light being drank, and there's... And any fake news that shows me missing any field goals is just, that's classic CGI. Classic Hank Lockwood. I'll wear it. It would be funny.

It would be funny if there were autonomouses. But there would be CGI. Well, also, for the record, I just said I was gonna make a 45-yarder, and then you guys goaded me into trying a 50-yarder, which I'm not equipped to do in my presence here. Yeah, I really had to pull your teeth. Yeah.

You'll see. Yeah, that's a great preview. Okay, Hank is allergic to making anyone look good, and he said it, so that's what I've realized. What are you gonna say, Billy? I didn't photoshop the fucking making you look fat. Two Mount Rushmore's ago, Chilly got its first win at the season.

Well, who finished second to Rosillo? I think we go with that. You guys. Oh, crazy. But we won Monday. We won a fucking second-place trophy. Okay, all right, so fine. Congrats.

You know what, Chilly? You guys go first. You guys go first, and you guys decide the order. Perfect. We give them the first. They're like, oh, I don't know. Dude, this is great power, great responsibility, right here.

We'll go last. Hank, you go first, you guys go second. Okay, so there's the Mount Rushmore of pre-crime. Hank. All right, this one might cut deep to some AWLs, but it just, opening bottles with your teeth. Oh, dude, that's cool. I do that.

It is crazy. It blows my mind. Glass bottles are not supposed to, like your teeth are your teeth. Those are valuable items of your body. You should not be opening bottles with them. No, in fact, your teeth are your teeth. It's concerning.

Okay, it's not for everybody, but if you know how to do it properly, it's pretty badass. I would agree with Hank in the fact that there is a screw loose if you do it. Why? Yes. Right, right.

Like some people, I have a friend that would do it, like, do you have a bottle? I have a bottle opener, and he's like, no, let me do it with my teeth. Yeah, okay, I agree with that. And it's like, why? Oftentimes, you find yourself without a bottle opener, and then it's a great skill for me to have.

In the, but right, my thing is that the pre-crime is the people that do it willingly and for fun. It's cool to watch, but it's also pre-crime. Like, if you're just going into your fridge, grabbing a beer and opening it with your teeth, pre-crime, yeah. I agree with that. Okay.

I'm necessarily opening a beer bottle with your teeth. I do this all the time. I know I'm on this team. I literally do this all the time. I feel a little bad about it. But it's cool, isn't it? I don't think this is a pre-crime. Pre-crime's a little more creepier.

That's not creepy. Well, I mean, embrace debate. You can make your pick when it's time for your team to go. All right, our first pick. We're going to go with owning a snake as a pet. Anyone who owns snakes, fucking pre-crime city. You're just waiting. You're just waiting for the snake

to just escape in your house and then kill you in your sleep. It's also an animal that will never love you. Right. Why do you want to, you're basically having like, I don't know, a prisoner in your own house that wants to kill you at all times. The biggest bonding moment you have with your pet

is to feed it mice to eat. That's so fucked up. No, another bonding moment that you have is when it's trying to kill you and it's wrapping itself around you. Yeah, slowly. Go ahead, Billy, defend owning a snake. No, there's like, they're like,

cuddling for body warmth because they're cold-blooded and you're warm-blooded. I don't know if that's the truth. That's why they like to rest on. If you own a snake, I just assume at some point you will commit a crime. I don't know. It's part of your DNA.

You own a snake? I owned a corn snake. And you will never commit a crime. You are definitely number one in this room for committing a crime. That's actually a good question. How many crimes? I thought it was a cop.

Well, you're a crooked cop. That's what you are. You are. Okay, owning a snake is definitely a pretty crime. It's bad. Yeah, I don't trust people who own snakes. Can't be around them, fucked up. And I'm sure there'll be some snake people who reply

and guess what? Your replies go on deaf ears. Well, you know what's crazy? Is that everybody has visited one apartment of somebody that has a snake. And just one time and you never go back. Yes. I would appreciate people to tweet me pictures

of their cold-blooded pets. I appreciate them. Tweet them at me. Okay. I mean, we're not indicting frogs here. Even just like what, you know, when people say that's cold-blooded, they say it for a reason. Yes.

Well, there's been a lot of anti-reptile slander. Dates back to the Bible. It's kind of mean. Fresh people being called frogs. Oh, why? Why would, yeah, it's facts. It's facts. I just think we shouldn't be judging.

We'd still be living in the Garden of Eden if it wasn't for that fucking snake. No, that was that bitch Eve. Yeah. Well, she got corrupted by the snake. Okay. You guys first pick. Killing small animals.

Okay. Yeah. That's a crime. I mean, by textbook definition, that is a crime. I was thinking about that too, but that like arson. Like if you light a fire as a kid. Yes, that's also a crime. You can like kill, you're allowed to like kill mice

and rabbits and stuff like that's totally legal. Are you allowed to kill a mammal for fun? Yeah, you've killed mice, but like take pleasure in it. It's another thing. I know I said a mouse trap. Yeah, I didn't kill it. The trap killed it. But you're allowed to kill mice, that's legal.

With your bare hands? So, but you're saying it's pre-crime. But a rabbit. That's pre-crime. This is like a mouse and men's shit? Is setting up a mouse trap pre-crime? No, but killing. But that's killing small animals.

Right, but you guys can't understand. We'll kind of, you give us a list of the animals, small animals that you would say. Chipmunks, mice, rabbits. You want to say dogs? No, because that's legal. Mm-hmm. Okay.

That's legal. I don't know if it is. Frogs. Frogs. Oh, that's you. Scientists are criminals. Okay, all right. Yeah.

I mean, no, that, it's a good pre-crime because it's literally, that's the only point. That's how serious it is. We're not arguing that it's not a pre-crime move. It just also might be a crime crime. It's actually an interesting thing to think about. Like, what are you, what are you allowed to kill with your bare hands and when does it become a crime?

Mm-hmm. Because I think you're right. You probably are allowed to kill a mouse. But you're probably not allowed to like shoot a rabbit with like a BB gun. I feel like it's a pre-crime that's attached. Like, don't fuck with cash. You watch the Sopranos?

Yeah, but in like a, I guess it depends on where you are. Go cook it up in a nice ragu. It just depends on the legality of the BB gun. Okay. Yeah, all right, that's a good pick then. Because it is fucked up to kill small animals when you're a small person. Not fucked up to run on the field.

This is one I wish Jake could do all four picks because I think he doesn't even understand. Pre-crime. Crime. Right. And like getting in the mind of a criminal. Right. So how is he gonna understand what goes in before?

Not returning your library books. All right. Cheering in the press box. Our second pick is gonna be parents who put their kids on leashes. Oh yeah, that's a good pick. So you think parents or do you think the kids that are on, I think you can go either way.

Like if you're a kid that gets carried around and leashes your entire life, you're probably gonna fuck some stuff up. An interesting visual. It is. I understand that if you're in crowds, you don't want them running off, but just like, I don't know.

I don't, yeah. A leash on a kid is fucked up. I think maybe the only exception is if you have like seven kids. Yeah. And they're all, I don't know, four or five years old. But then you can do the, I think there's a difference. Putting them on an actual leash is a pre-crime.

Doing the rope hold is fine. Yeah. You know, like you see the kids. If you have a rope and everybody holds up. Like an elementary schooler walking around the block and everybody's holding on the rope. Also just on leash talk, putting a cat on a leash is also a fucked up move.

I've seen that a couple of times. That's a weird one. Putting anything on your cat, really. Yeah. Clothes. Anything. Mittens. Okay.

That could be cute. Clothes on animals is cute. Why don't you prove it? On a cat? Yeah. Why don't you get a cat then? Maybe I will. Okay.

Our second pick, I can't believe this one lasted this long actually, for pre-crime is being born in Northern Austria on April 20th, 1889. Big time pre-crime. Pre-crime. Actually like just pre-death penalty. Just kill that baby.

Hank, you got it? You found him? Would you kill that baby? It's nature versus nurture. Would you? Oh, you would become that baby's mom. Yeah. You would hug that baby.

If I had been your mom, World War II would have never started. Like there was a lot of people born in that time period that were fine. Yeah. Yeah. You're doing the like there was a lot of good Nazis too. Yeah.

Not all Germans. Well, Austrians. Well, he was also, he went to Germany. Yeah. But I'm saying like there was probably a lot of people born on April 20th that day that did not turn out to be. That's collateral damage though.

Let's just say in terms of like, like the percentage is probably more of. Yeah. There's probably more per square capita of criminals in different places than that place. But ROI on that date in that place is very bad. Right. That's true.

Yeah. Yeah. That's probably a problem. Maybe. You gotta bomb that hospital. Maybe someone had like 10 kids, but that's not gonna. Yeah.

The H-man kind of outweighs all of the people born that day. Wait, Billy is about to do something incredibly smart. What are you saying? No, come on. Come on, Billy. You have to say it. We're on a show. You have to say it.

He commanded crimes. No, Billy. No, no. Okay, you don't have to say it. You don't have to say it. Okay. No, I didn't think it was gonna be that bad either. That was really bad.

Okay. Hank. Coaching a youth woman's basketball team without having a daughter on the team. Good one. I think that goes for any gender too. Yeah. Yeah.

Without, yeah, like even, what's even crazier? There's like, players that used to play that are like, come back to start or whatever. But if, so what's the worst pre-crime? If you're the head coach of a, you know, any, any really 18 or under girl, like women's team and you're not, you have no relation to any of the team.

Like that's crazy. You could do it as like a high school basketball coach. High school is fine. High school and JV is fine. But like doing like, if you're the little league coach and you don't have a kid on the team, that's fucked. Unless you're a former professional athlete and you're coaching, that can be kind of cool.

Where you're just like trying to get all your aggression out. I mean, it's not cool, but it's still like, you know, not as creepy. But you, you would have had to have had, I think I can give even a little bit of a pass. If you had a kid on the team and like, you know, say little league, for example, your kid's now 14, but you kept on, like that, I might be like,

okay, I guess you're just hanging on. But to have like no relation to the team, pre-crime. Yeah, I'm going to say that if you're like, a youth women's gymnastics coach, and you don't have a daughter, you should automatically go to jail, 100%. Like you know, fucked up, you have to be to be a gymnastics coach in general.

Yep, yep. Or dance coach. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Billy, you got another profound thought. After you just tried to absolve him. No, no, no, don't say that.

That's not what I was saying. Larry Nasser was not that bad of a guy. Yeah. Okay, here we go. Hey, your next one. Opening an offshore banking account. That is a crime. No, it's not a crime.

No, it's not a crime. Definitely not a crime. But it's something you do before a crime. Not necessarily. Okay, we're after it. Okay, so it is. Why would you open an offshore banking account? Hank is right.

Why would you open an offshore bank account? Hank is right, but it's kind of a cool pre-crime, because it means you're just gonna have a lot of money. No, I do not. Does anybody need this pre-crime? I used to weigh in back in the day when gambling wasn't legalized. I used to have to go to Western Union

to send my paycheck to an offshore account. Ka-ching. Thank you. That sounds like crime. That sounds exactly like crime. Well, I didn't have an account. Sounds like you needed to open the account so you could submit the crime.

I would have to send the money. You guys are now talking about like busting people for tax evasion. I mean, that's crime. I'm not talking about busting people. He's right. Max is one of those 87,000 IRS agents that just got hired. Again, Big Cat literally proved the point.

Gambling was illegal. He wanted to gamble, which was at the time of crime. So he had to open an offshore bank account before he could commit the crime. I didn't open the account. There wasn't an account. I had to send it to an account. Right.

But if you're opening an account, then that's big money. And it's like you're trying to avoid taxes or you're trying to wash money. I'm gonna agree with Hank. Like if one of us walked in and was like, hey, just open up a new Swiss account, you'd be like, huh?

Yeah. What are you doing with that? Yeah, right, right. I'm going to hide money, which is a crime. That's a good pick. That's a good pick. You know who else had a Swiss banking account. So thank you for feeding into mine.

All right, next pick. Good picks, guys. I'm just saying there was a lot of people born that day. Ah. Okay, so this one is, we're gonna do interacting with porn stars online, whether it be the comments section or buying them like gifts off their Amazon gift lists,

big time pre-crime. Yeah, there's a bunch of things that fall into this one. The Amazon gift wish list thing is just bizarre. Retweeting porn stars online is fucking weird. It's like, I want other people to see this porn too. Liking porn tweets is also very strange. And then replying and be like, show feet, baby. That's all the above.

Like you look really hot today. Remember that red sweater guy from the debates? Ken Bone? Ken Bone. Well, no, he just was in a pregnant porn. No, former takey presenter. Yes, former takey presenter. He was just into prego porn.

The Amazon gift lists are just wild. It's like, I'm gonna buy my favorite porn star, like a vacuum cleaner for her house. And hopefully she'll fuck me. One of the saddest things I've ever seen. This kind of goes in the same direction. There was this girl that I knew in college and she was nice.

She had a boyfriend and she had a friend that was just always around her and creeping on her. And he bought her a vibrator. Just to be like, hey, I think that this is a very sexually healthy thing for you to have. And he was just the biggest simp in the world. It's like ultimate simp behavior, is buying something. Never buy a woman anything is the moral of my story.

That was Steven Che. His brain is broken. He said that someone brought in lunch today, empanadas. And he's like, do you want me to grab some for everyone? And I was like, yeah, just leave it outside for recording. And he just opened the door. So his brain is broken. Sorry for the interruption there by Steven Che.

Yeah, that's fucked up PFD. That's pre-crime, pre-crime. All right, going around the snake. Our turn? Yeah. So we're going with going on 4chan. Which you do. You do all the time.

You said, I think literally two days ago, you said that you have been on 4chan. So we have killing frogs and going on 4chan. Billy, are you just giving us your manifesto? No, no, no, no. Come on, relax. I don't go on 4chan. For the record, you can look through my computer.

Well, it's 4chan. I wish I'd never heard of it. It's a terrible place. Oh, they're going to come after your ass now. I've been fighting them already. Oh, but you haven't been on. No, no, no. Where are you fighting them?

I thought you were supposed to. Aren't you like anti-regulations? Yeah. That's one of the last safe spaces on the internet. Every speech, baby. It's pretty. Actually, well, even worse is 8chan. It gets fucked up.

I mean, if you're going on there, you're going on there. If you're going on anychan. Yeah. I feel like it is progressing, though. Like 4chan might not be as, I don't know anything about it. 4chan is not as bad as 8chan. So yeah. So the higher the number of the chan,

the worse the people there are. Is that fair to say? Exactly. OK. Your next pick. Finish subject. Do you like this one, Billy? Yes.

Onlychans.com. That should be the next website. Yeah. Oh, to get the dankest memes. Oh. You do that? If it's hot, yeah. That was figuring out if they were going to pick eating pizza

with a knife and fork. Yeah. But sometimes you do it on the top. So I'm going to do scraping the cheese off of it. Scraping cheese off pizza. Scraping cheese off. Drinking straight tequila. OK.

What? OK, both are bad picks. Just give them five slots. Yeah, give you guys both those picks. Those are so bad. I'm not afraid of it. If you're going to scrape the cheese off, why are you ordering the pizza?

Jake, you're the king of watching your pizza. Yeah, I think you're in making some. I want to eat something bad, but I don't want to eat too bad. So I'm going to scrape the cheese off. Is that right up your hot pizza? The fact that Billy makes all these four-chain comments and then immediately like scraping cheese off pizza, that sounds like some deep state like Hillary Clinton

pizza gate shit that you guys are. What does that mean, scraping cheese off pizza? Like Billy? Like just taking the cheese off the pizza? Before eating it, you just eat the dough and some leftover sauce. OK, and then also you get drinking tequila, which is not even close to pre-crime.

So taking a shot of tequila? No, taking a shot of tequila, no chaser, no nothing. Just drinking tequila. Just taking a shot of tequila is three times. You just never had good tequila. Yeah, so ever. In your eyes, like Kenny Chesney is Hitler then. Yeah.

This is the, of all your 23-year-old takes, this might be your most 23-year-old take to be like, tequila, gross. No, I drink tequila. I just, the thing is I've been told it's a pre-crime when I do it. Wait, by who? Did you go with Jake?

No, I just was like. Wait, so in your mind, you drink tequila. I had to think of something quickly because Jake was about to scrape cheese off pizza. You crushed it. Yeah, you've got to lie. He said that before. He said tequila before the pizza.

Yeah, that's true, that is. OK, so those are your last two picks. Good job, guys. We'll give you five picks on this one. OK, PFT, our last pick. OK, our last pick is adult autograph seekers. We've seen them recently at Bill's training camp when they were just like throwing shit on the field,

especially the ones that show up with their suitcases filled with stuff and they run their operation like Oliver Twist and they send their little orphans out to go get autographs and bring them back. That is a crime. Yeah, those guys are, what? How's that a crime? They're hustling.

Trying to make them feel. No, that is adult autograph seekers. If you just wrangled them all up and had a conference with them, you'd be like, crime, crime, crime, crime. Can I change? No, so what we're saying is like doing this act isn't a crime. Yes, I want to hear you say it, but you can't change it. But I guarantee you, like Big Cat says,

if you look at the average profile, they're committing all sorts of other crimes. Correct. They got their fingers in a lot of pies. They are most likely to commit a crime, which is pre-crime. Go ahead, Billy. This I'm replacing our last pick. No, I mean, I'll tell you what, I'll let you add on.

So yeah, even another get on that last one. Six. Keep talking. Getting a massage. Nope. OK, yeah, yeah. There we go. You've never gotten a massage?

No, he's making a Sean Watson joke. I've never got a massage where you go in a private room. Ugh, gross. Someone put it in the way. You're just doing like, orgy massages? No, no, like, lie down in the lobby chairs and then they come up to you. In the athletic training room.

You get massages like with like 40. It's a gang bang of people getting massages. So that's worse. A 23-year-old take. Massages are pretty cool. And private. Extremely private. Yes.

Like training massages I get, but I don't know. It's kind of. What about couples massage? What? Your body gets stressed. I know, it's kind of, I don't know. You're like a muscle guy. I love you, Billy, because this is like, I'm just

getting to watch like what your idea of alpha and tough is is so funny, because it's like, you're going to. I don't think you're going to write. I mean, I was making the Sean Watson. You're going to write us a letter when you're our age and be like, I'm sorry. Somebody, everything, you guys are right. Like getting massages is pretty nice.

I know it's nice, but like pre-crime. I literally told Billy that yesterday. I was like, right now, when you're my age, you're going to look back at yourself and be like, wow, I didn't know it all. Yeah, no, I knew nothing. I knew nothing. Yeah.

But no, I get the joke. There are some people that have replied to me when I talk about to Sean Watson, be like, what have you, you ever been to a massage parlor, man? You ever got a rubbing tug? It's like, no, no, I haven't. So I literally have not. Yeah.

If someone's going to get like massages constantly, it's kind of weird. Agreed. I would say I'm not defending to Sean Watson when he did it was fucked up. But again, there is far more athletes, especially like football players that need massages. Well, in the training room.

Like the Sean Watson is the outlier of like scumbags that like fuck was an asshole. But like, there's a lot of athletes that like massages are good. But that. But that's also like that. I'm not a training athlete. Like if my muscles, if I was working my muscles and every

every time I've got a gun to myself, I probably got in five massages in my life. Every time I've gotten one, I've been like, I should do that more because I feel fucking way better. Like my neck isn't stiff. My my shoulders don't feel like they're holding everything. And it's standard practice for athletes. Yeah, I should.

I should get more massages. I should get deep tissue massages all the time. There we go. When I played baseball college, I'm a little surprised that you haven't actually. Wow. Bad girl. How good an athlete were you?

Let's go back girl. I got massages in the training room. Oh, wow. In front of everybody. Wow. But like I got massages just not. So they knew you weren't gay. I think it's fine.

Like getting massages is a completely normal thing to do. Correct. But if you become a massage guy that gets them all the time, that is weird. I agree with that. Yeah. OK. You have six.

Sounds like you were a pretty good college athlete. One year college baseball. How many dingers? Three dingers. I was the mat stairs of college baseball. Oh, hell yes. Pinch hitter who only tried to hit bombs. I love it.

That's fucking. I like that. All right. You guys have six picks. Do you want to add a seventh? Yeah. OK. Go ahead.

Downloading Tor browser. OK. Which you probably also have done. I've never even heard of that. Like where did you? You always talk about a deep web, Billy. You're a deep web guy. This is great.

Do you have another one? Can you have another one? So we always joke around with Billy about how every time he talks, he incriminates himself, even when, like, if we're interrogating about something. In this one, it's explicitly pre-crime and you just keep listing things that you have done. Yes.

I have never downloaded Tor. How do you know what it is? Because I know what it's used for. How? To get to the Silk Road. So I watched the documentary. I think you have downloaded encrypted browsers. No.

You're MrDuckGutDuckGo. Yeah, you're telling me you haven't bought steroids off one of these websites? I'd call it bullshit. I haven't. OK. You want an eighth? This is the last one you can get.

Would you like an eighth? Empty the clip. No, let Jake go. Let Jake go. Come on. Jake, empty the clip. Come on. Give us one last one.

I actually don't have anything. Billy had one more. Yeah, let the chopper say something. Billy had one more? Yeah, you emphasized it. Watching anime. Oh my god, dude. Nice.

Anime is great. You're an anime guy. Dragon Ball Z. I mean, it's like, it's entertaining. It's a show. Yeah. Like it's a form of show. Huge overlap of 4chan and anime.

Yeah, I've never, I don't think I've ever watched an anime. I mean, I watched Dragon Ball Z as a kid, which I learned after the fact as an anime, but I fucking love that show. All right, Hank, your team's last pick. We're going to go with eating fish for lunch in the office. Ooh, OK. Should be a crime.

Yeah, should be a real crime. It should be a real crime. Yes. It's definitely pre-crime. Like you just have no standards or like, you know, empathy for any of your co-workers or peers. Yep. Yep.

And you're likely to commit a crime afterward. What about like a fried fish sandwich that you order from, I don't know, Popeyes or something? Filet fish? That's not as bad. Yeah, no, you're talking tuna fish. You're talking like actual fish salmon. I'd say, I'd say tuna salads, OK?

Yeah, salad's fine. Anything in the microwave. Sushi's fine, right? Sushi's fine. Yep, yep. Hot fish. Yeah, I would say like if you order something from Popeyes. Yeah, but like if you're getting McDonald's,

Filet fish for lunch. That is, that's kind of pre-crime. It could be Catholic, which could also be pre-crime. Correct. Yep. OK, anything we missed? Anything we missed? I had wearing socks during sex.

That's just a weird thing that I feel like, I don't know, there's something going on there. Billy, do you do that? Intentionally wearing socks. Yeah, like I'm not going to take off my socks. Yeah, but like sometimes you're just seeing. Yeah, just being like, I'm going to keep my socks on because we're having sex.

You know who does that? Nelly. Nelly says like when Nelly's fucking, it's only the socks and the chain he says on. Getting really into clowns. Or being a clown. Or being a clown. John Wayne Casey.

Yeah. Owning more than two cats. I had. Yep. Listening to insane clown posse. I don't know. You're not a ninja. You're not a juggalo.

No. Billy just, I'm not. ICP is definitely pre-crime. I think ICP, the juggalo community, they get a bad rap. I think they're very positive. They're welcoming. Yeah, they're very welcoming. I think you need to open your, we should send Billy

to the gathering of the juggalos. That would go well. Jeez. Yeah. Buying low top Air Force, black Air Force ones. Yep. I agree. Yeah.

That's definitely pre-crime. High tops are fine. The people whose entire personality is that they really go all out at Christmas time. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Pre-crime. Ignoring a dog when it's trying to be friendly to you.

Eddie. Eddie. Mm-hmm. If a dog comes up and like snuggles and you just completely act like the dog's not there. Yeah. Jail. Yeah.

Being coached by Urban Meyer. Yeah, that's good. Oh, damn. That's a great one. Whose pick was that? I was trying. I asked for, like, we should think of an Aaron Hernandez one and Meme sent that out back.

That was a great pick for Meme's. I can't believe you iced him out. If you're a guy and you get your nipples pierced. Yeah. Yeah. Doing. You guys are king shamers. Doing baby talk to, like, animals that you don't own.

Like, you're not your pet. Or your significant other. Or your significant other. Baby talk, definitely. Yeah. Public baby talk. What if you see a dog, if Whitey was in here and I went up the way, who's a good boy?

That. If you keep on going, though, like that with just one line, sure. But like, if you go full baby talk to a dog that is not your dog, I think that's kind of pre-crime. Because I always have to ask a dog who the good boy is. Yeah. That's a simple question.

It's not pre-crime. But if you keep on going, you're like, oh, Whitey, you have a good day to day. You're Whitey. What are you doing, Wade? Who's fluffy with a tail like this? Yeah. Yeah, that's your fluffy tail.

Yeah, that's. Yeah, you're right. I want to lock myself off right now. Yes, yes. If you're a certified elite level reviewer on Yelp, it's pre-crime. Yeah. Although those people are kind of the silent guardians

of the internet. In a way. In a way. In a way. OK, anything else? Unironically tweeting at airlines? Yep. Yep.

The big time pre-crime. Big time pre-crime being like, or unironically complaining to any type of account on Twitter that, you know, trying to get like free shit. Chrissy Teigen. Owning a puppet. No, you're talking about what's her name? Kelly Kapoor.

Kelly Kapoor. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yep. Forget her name. She did that. If you own a puppet. Mindy Kaling. Yeah, Mindy Kaling. You own a puppet?

Jail. Puppet. Puppet in multiple puppets. Or do you have ventriloquist? That's the art. That's a big mess. That's an art form. Yeah, that's a pre-crime.

OK, good Mount Rushmore. Taking socks off on a plane was the other one. Oh, dude, I saw a guy on the other day. I do take my shoes off, though. There was a guy the other day. I think it was when we were flying back from Denver. Socks and shoes off went to the bathroom. It was wild.

I was like, what is going on? I think the Chicago guys did something and I was defending. I do take my shoes off because I fall asleep. Flight over three hours, I think. Yeah, like I always fall asleep. And for whatever reason, it's easier to fall asleep with their shoes off. Yeah, I don't like that.

I don't like that move. I think a long-distance flight, you can take your shoes off. I think shoes stay on. You're saying your socks are clean. I don't know, I'm just not a foot guy. Maybe if I could see if you brought slippers onto a plane, you change into your slippers. Just like put something over your feet.

Socks. Yeah, I mean, I understand how logical what I'm saying is. But there's just something to me about seeing somebody in socks on a plane where I'm like, oh, yeah. I wish they had some more fabric on there. OK, let's get to Terry McClaw, Lauren, Washington Commander's wide receiver. Before we do that, P.A.T. you had a quick word

from one of our sponsors. Yeah, before we get to scary Terry, he's presented by Sling TV. It's college football season, which means that you need Sling TV, where you can watch unbeatable college football coverage starting at just $35 a month. Get everything you love about college football.

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Check out Sling.com for special offers, Sling. The live TV you love for a price you love. Try Sling out today. And now here he is, future Super Bowl champion, Terry McLaurin. OK, we now welcome on a very special guest, wide receiver from the Washington Commanders, Terry McLaurin. Terry, thank you for joining us.

We appreciate it. I know you probably are sick of talking about it, but I have to start with congratulations for your new contract. Appreciate that. $71 million. It's a lame question to ask, but I think everyone kind of loves to think,

like, what would happen if I put ink to paper on a contract like that? What was that feeling like? And did you buy anything really cool? Man, it was crazy to sign that contract and to finally hear from my agent like the deal was done. I don't think a lot of people can appreciate how far that process, like how far

you get to that actual signing, the contract. There's so much that goes into that. And so to be able to have that done and to be like, like, dang, my family is, I could take care of my family. I could take care of my future family. I can do more in my community. And I'll be somewhere where I have security, you know what I mean? So just having that feeling was crazy.

I haven't really bought anything for myself yet. Like, it's really just I'm kind of jotted with the money cool off for a little bit. I like that. I did a few things for my parents, but for myself, I haven't did anything yet. And it's especially cool for a guy like you who wasn't a first round draft pick, who

doesn't get that initial pop. And you're playing in the NFL for three years, and everyone knows NFL careers don't last forever. And you're not making that, you know, I think everyone assumes like, oh, Terry McLaurin, he's awesome. He must be rich. And you still had to wait a couple of years

to have that moment. So it's congratulations again. It's awesome, man. I appreciate that. Yeah, it was well deserved, beyond well deserved. So I'm a Washington Commanders fan. I used to be a Redskins fan. Then for a while, I was a football team fan.

So I appreciate everything that you've done on the field these last few years. It's been fun to watch. Are you still getting used to the new team name? I'll put it this way. I like the football team. I like saying we're a football team. We don't need a candy-ass mascot.

We're a football team. We play football. Do you still miss that? This has been my third team in three years. That was my third team in three years. So you never really got used to any of them for myself. But I mean, I'm just hoping that people can rally around this some way, shape or form.

But I think at the end of the day, you got to win. I was like, we could be called the Flying Ducks. Long as we win games, man, I think that's extremely important. But also, not to diminish the history of Washington and the prestige of what they had at one point in history. Having Doug Williams in our building, and you get to see and talk to him and hear his wisdom all the time.

So no matter what the team name is, I just want to get back to what that standard used to be. Yeah, I agree. I think that when the name came out, somebody was going to roast it no matter what, because it's a new name. If you look around the league, the names that exist right now, if they came out as new team names,

people would be like, New York Giants, what the hell kind of name is that? But if you start winning football games, then I think everybody's going to be happy about it. No doubt. And the jerseys look sick on Sunday, too, or on Saturday. I like the new commander's uniforms. Yeah, the white on white was pretty cool.

And I think the helmets, man, I think the helmets need to get a little bit more love. It's super sleek, but when the light hits it the right way, those are some pretty good helmets. So I think we'll get to see the blacks this year. Obviously, we'll have the Barun before too long. So I think the colors will be really good for us. Is it true?

Like, look good, feel good, feel good, play good? Like, I do a lot of my gambling on uniforms. Like, if someone drops a crazy new uniform, and it's like, this looks great. I mean, I remember what? The Oregon versus Auburn in the national championship. I didn't win, but Oregon's uniform is like, they can't lose in these.

No doubt. I think that comment right there is 100% facts. Like, you look good, you feel good, you play good. It's the swag. It's the aura you come when you walk into the building. Like, it's big to have a nice walk-in fit. You know what I mean? If we're on the way, have a nice suit look real clean,

and then you put on that jersey, like you want it to fit nice. You want, you know, every guy has their different accessories what they like to put on. But I definitely think that's part of the routine, at least for me. You feel good, you feel confident, and you're ready to go out there and make some plays. So I had a question about your beginning at Ohio State.

Is it true that Urban Meyer said that he didn't give you an offer because he said you couldn't catch? I saw that circling around a little bit. Yeah, I think. So I was in his office, and he basically was like, you know, look, we like your speed. We like the person you are. We don't really know too much about you

because I got invited to a camp on, like, I think Coach Combs was a DB coach. He was my recruiter. So he came to my high school early June. And by that next week, I was visiting Ohio State. So they didn't really know who I was. I finished the workout. I was a fast kid at the camp.

I was killing it. And then Coach Meyer was like, you know, like Coach Combs was like, you're going to get this, this, or this. And but usually you don't get the middle, the middle thumb. And and so of course, I go in there. I'm super excited. I'm thinking about it.

I offer and I get the thumbs in the middle. I'm looking around like, yo, what's going on? Like I thought I wasn't supposed to get that. So like he basically was like, like your hands aren't. You really say your hands aren't good enough right now to be able to feel comfortable enough extending your offer. But this is what I tell you.

Because if you go home, catch 200 footballs a day, come back in two weeks. You'll work out in front of me as soon as you get here. And we will go from there. Like there's a chance you have an offer. And like at first, I'm not going to allow it's kind of like disappointed because I felt like all the boxes that I need to check at that moment.

Based off of what Coach Combs was telling me, the feelings I was getting from the coaching staff, I thought I was going to get offered. So at that moment, I had a chance. I had a choice to either like, OK, I'm either going to go and accept one of these other offers that I had at the time. Or I'm going to take this and let it like fuel me and just get challenged in a new way.

Because when you're in high school football, like this challenges. But like a lot of the times those guys are playing those D1 schools or the better kids on their teams, the better kids in your area. So I felt like being challenged that way helped me, honestly. Take my game to another level. So when I came back, I was like, it took probably like five routes. And Coach Meyer was like, Oh, you're done. Like you got to offer.

That's so like that was not only was that like a challenge and it was disappointing at the time. But it also like I had a decision to make as a young man. I'm 17, 18 years old at the time. Like am I going to quit and go take another offer? Which I felt like other good offers or was I going to take this challenge and come back better? And not only that, like I came back better.

They blew him away and I got the offer. And it's kind of like, you know, honestly, it was like kind of like setting the foundation of what my career, what my character, what my legacy was going to be there. Yeah, nobody likes the side thumb. Yeah, tell me one way or the other. I don't want to be sitting in somebody's office and they're like, yeah, you're you're mid.

Yeah, like Terry's low key man. Yeah, did you catch the two hundred balls a day? Did you go and catch two hundred balls a day? Yeah, I did. So I had my high school quarterback at the time. We would throw passes. My dad was throwing me passes. My mom was throwing me passes.

My neighbor called the street was throwing me past. Like I did that. That's like 200 footballs every single day for two weeks. And I came back and he saw the significant improvement right there. And that's when it clicked for me, because I love the Ohio State was close to home, the great tradition that's there. That chance to win national championships, that chance to go to the NFL. All that was there for me.

But like being challenged in that way, like I was like, shoot, if I can get better in two weeks just doing that, what can I do over a four or five year span? And so that's kind of really what sold me at Ohio State. And, you know, the rest was history after that. So what do you do now to keep your hands great? Because I think you've got some of the best hands in the game. That's, you know, when you're you catch everything. So like, how do you work on that at this level?

Is it still catching a lot of balls? Or do you like, are you a manicure guy? Do you take care of your hands that way? I do take care of my hands. These are the money makers. But I think for me, honestly, it's so ironic because something that I feel like a lot of people would have said was my ball skills was one of my weaknesses in college and coming into the league.

I think it's become a strength in my game. Genuinely, I think it's become like something that I can rely on that I can put the time and work and the effort in. And it's something I can say, like, I've gotten truly better at this skill. And for it to be as bad as it was and to see where it is now, like, that's super dope, because I think it's a testament to the hard work you put in. But I think I don't take it for granted there. You know what I mean?

Like I'm still really highly focused on catching the ball when I'm in practice. Like you sometimes see practice may see me looking at the ball a little bit when I'm catching the routes on there, because I'm trying to train my eyes to catch the ball. So when the bullets are flying in the game, arms being grabbed on everything, like everything's not really perfect. You got to be able to focus on their football and bring it in. You really catch it with your eyes.

So you'll still see me catching the jugs. I think when I catch the jugs, I think the jugs drill is a great drill. Genuinely, just catching, you know, catching, took the ball. But I think where things took a turn for me for the better with my ball skills is when I went to Ohio State and we started developing like jugs drill. So I would put like, you know, I don't know if you've seen the big tackle gun that the D-Lime may use. I would put that about 10 yards away of the jugs machine and I would knock it

out with my hand. So the thing would tip over to the side and then the person shoot the jugs ball out of catch and I let the bag hit my hands. And so that was kind of just simulating just not the contested catch of the bag hit your hands, but also like your obstructed vision. Sometimes you're not going to be able to see when the ball is thrown, but you got to be able to track it and bring it in. So I definitely still work on those things in practice.

Like the attention to detail is really why I feel like we come to habits because you're going to revert to your habits come to game. Like it's as hard to do something in the game that you've never practiced before. Yeah, I like that next level jugs drills. Yeah, taking it. It makes more sense to do that because, yeah, I'm sure the jugs machine it gives you good luck, especially if, you know, you're just in seven, eight yards away. It's a quick catch.

You get the hand-eye coordination, but also like having having the tackling dummy involved hitting your hands feels like that's that's it adds like a little more realism to the game. So that's I feel like that's a smart, smart thing to do. Yeah. So I had one other or I had two other Ohio State questions. One, we're friends with Joe Burrow. We've had him on a couple of times.

Great dude. You obviously, you know, he didn't play, you know, he transferred, but he was with you for a couple of years. Did you know, are you surprised at all about the Joe Burrow stories and like, this is the dude, like he's, did he have that swagger even when he wasn't? Because that's the interesting part. He wasn't a starter. He wasn't Joe Burrow that we know now, but it seems like he's always been the same guy.

Joe's been the same dude since I met him back when he came to Ohio State in 2015. Like me and Joe are still really cool to this day. And I think we have a real genuine friendship because we both were guys at Ohio State were just guys. We were both trying to fight for our, our respect on the team to have opportunity to play and, you know, obviously he had his success somewhere else. But we all knew what was in Joe Burrow from the person that he was, the leader that he was and the player that he was.

He just has that, that, that you can't coach when it comes to football in general, let alone at the quarterback position, he has that. And then something like he's winning all the sprints out there. We did like that same Valentine's Day workouts. He's like, he's going crazy in there. Like we've had some team meetings and he stepped up and said some things that were might be a big controversy to other people, but he was standing up for guys in our locker room, you know what I mean?

So like he's, he's that type of dealer. You want to go to war with him any day, any week. Like you want somebody is Joe Burrow. And then so it was so cool to see a guy like that, to have his success in college and see what he's doing in an NFL. Like he deserves it. I've always been, I guess you could say Joe Burrow staying account. I just, I just believe in that.

There's the ability so much more for the person than he is just a player. Like the person is the reason why you see the player, you know what I mean? Yeah, it's, it's great to hear that from, you know, someone who knew him and was with him before he became the starting quarterback, because it is. Joe Burrow breaks that mold of, you know, analytics are so advanced now and everyone's doing advanced number. It's like sometimes it's just easy enough to be like, he's that dude. Like he is that guy and he has that he has it and people will follow him.

Not saying he doesn't have talent otherwise, but that, that like Moxie or whatever you want to call it, he's always had. And that's why he's able to, to be such a great leader in, you know, QB one. Definitely. I think just, I think also what, what keeps his hunger going is like he never feels like he has it. Like he has that, there's that, that appetite to continue to get better where things are not perfect.

He's going to get the right, right? He wants to get the guys feeling confident in what they're doing. So he puts a lot of time and work into his body, to lifting, to throwing like everything that it needs to be done. Like he's trying to do. And so I think there's just a testament to who he is. And like, obviously comes from a football family. And, you know, you can tell he was, he was instilled

with what great, just foundational characteristics. Yeah. As far as commander's quarterbacks go, Taylor Heinecke came on the show a couple of months ago and I love Taylor. Taylor is like, I love watching him play. The plays never over when Taylor's out there. He's going to try to make a play one way or another. And I've always noticed that when he gets out of the pocket, he'll do that

thing where when he's really feeling himself, when he's like, OK, it's Taylor Heinecke time, he'll point downfield. And he'll like, I think he thinks he's given you an instruction on what to do. But I think it's just more for his own confidence to be like, all right, I'm calling my shot right now. And I always know that something either really awesome or really terrible is about to happen, but it's going to be fun. He's going to he's going to try to make a play when he does that.

When he's pointing, are you actually getting any instruction? Are you just like, OK, I know Taylor's about to just chuck one up here. I better go get it. When you see him point, you better start going that way because he's probably going to throw it, you know what I mean? Like he just has that type of confidence in himself and his guys. Like that's one thing that's always stuck out about him. Like he's going to give you a chance, you know what I mean?

And I think he's definitely obviously wanting to continue to improve when it's self and his decisions and things like that. Like he never wanted to put the team in a tough position, but he believes in him and he believes in his guys and something about that. When you see that in a quarterback, like I'm telling you, just galvanizes people, you know what I mean? So just the from day one, you know, meet him and when we played Tampa a few years ago in the playoffs, like he's he's just played with an incredible spirit

that is you don't really find that in too many quarterbacks in the league at all. Yeah, he loves diving for the pylon, too. You better seal your blocks around the edge when he's like within 15 yards because he's going to put that football right on the pylon. Yeah. Yes, that's a fact. So I'm also a badger and you broke my heart. I mean, Ohio State always beats Wisconsin, but I had one specific moment. 2017 Big 10 championship game, we were there.

I I know when when Wisconsin takes a step up in class and has to play in Ohio State, there's, you know, there's a little bit of a difference in athleticism on the field. You had the 84 yard touchdown to start the game. We were like, I'm just so much faster than these dudes. Like it's not even there because that's how I felt watching. I was like, it's not fair. Yeah. Yeah.

Like this is what I say about Ohio State. Like we definitely take pride in trying to have the best players and recruiting. Like that's one of the top things that Coach Maya coach, they always talk about is just recruiting. You can't do anything without the players. But like we knew going into the Wisconsin games, like especially playing the Camp Randall, they were going to be tough.

They were going to be like, you you better bring your toughness. Like Coach Mick, they strength coaches like bring your toughness to that game because you never really know what could happen in those kind of games. I think that game fell into our favor where we got to play a style of ball that was in favor of us. Like we got to really dictate the line of scrimmage. We got to get the ball in the edge to our playmakers. And we had confidence in that.

We knew we had the advantage there. But if we didn't bring the toughness of our O-line and D-line didn't set the tone up front with those guys that you guys got, like we wouldn't have been able to possibly get those same plays off. And so I think we just came in that game with an attack mindset, especially, you know, we felt like, you know, we were fighting for our playoff lives at that time, obviously, you know, what happened in 2017. But that game was super fun.

As soon as I caught that ball, I knew I was gone. Yeah. No, you're just faster than everyone on the field. That was a really nice way of saying, yes, confirmed faster than everyone on the field. How fucked up was that turf thing, though? What were you guys saying on the sideline? You remember that when they had the turf doctor out? It took forever. Yeah, when the dude came out with the bucket and the turf had came up.

That threw everybody off because, like, when you're so locked in in that, I feel like that game was like, we were just hot, you know what I mean? Everything was rolling for us and stuff like that could kind of throw off your momentum a little bit. So we were just trying to stay locked in on the sideline and make sure, like, whenever this is happens, we got to keep our intensity up. Because, like I said, with Wisconsin teams, the games are never really over. Yeah, that's a nice way of saying you always win, yeah.

I appreciate that. I feel like in a moment like that, where the game's just being indefinitely delayed, that's got to take its toll on Coach Meyer, too. Like, he's probably on the sideline. It's the thing where he puts his hands on his knees. He's like hyperventilating about to throw up because there's not a football happening. Yeah, the Maryland game. Remember the Maryland game?

Were you worried about him? Uh, which Maryland game? Well, I think that, I think you were there. I would say 2018 or 27. Yeah, when he started collapsing on the sideline, because you guys were going to lose to Maryland, that he might have actually been. No, I know what you're saying. I think it was more because of Maryland.

Yeah, yeah, Maryland. Like, Coach Meyer is a super intense coach. Like, every play is like, we win or lose on every play. Like, that's how he treats it. That's kind of how, you know, we thought, like, any play can help win or lose you the game. You got to be locked in on your assignment. So, I think everything you saw was like his genuine reaction of, you know, either frustration or he was excited for one of us making a play or he was, you know,

just stressed out and making sure everybody was, you know, doing their job from coaches and the players. Yeah. Just a little fun stat that you can maybe bring back to the locker room here. You probably don't know this. It's something that we had to dig up with the help of a friend at Stathole Sports. Carson Wentz, your new quarterback. People forget, by the way, he got two MVP votes.

He's a good player. In exactly 73 degree weather, Carson Wentz is the number one quarterback of all time in yards per attempt. So you got to have something like, you got to check your weather app on Sundays. If it's 73 degrees outside, start Terry McLaurin on the fancy team number one. Just let him know. Be like, Hey, this is your zone, Carson. Go off.

Yeah. We love, we love playing the comfortable weather. We'll play any weather, but like when you see it sunny, like any most receivers, I think for the most part, maybe check the weather because like you see a rainy game. It's like, all right, I got to, you know, I got to change the way I maybe catch the ball or things like that. When you see sunny, it's like, Oh yeah, everything that we've been practicing all week is up. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Like there's a chance we can run that because, you know, when the weather is good, everything feels great, but like it just makes things sometimes a little harder when it's rainy, but you still got to execute. What about snow? Because we always think the snow helps offense, right? Because you, you get to, you know where you're going. The defender doesn't.

Yeah. I've never played in a snow game in four years, so I can't quite speak on that yet. I've just maybe been a little drizzle in, uh, uh, Green Bay, Green Bay, Lambo is cold. Yeah. It is cold, cold. And, uh, Buffalo too, they got that wind, but I haven't played in a snow game, so, um, I can't quite speak. All right.

You'll have to let us know when you get in your first snow game. That's kind of crazy. Did not. It is. You know, from Indiana to play in the big 10, like never snow game, huh? Never played in the snow game. My, my, my freshman year at Ohio State, I was red, I was redshirted and they played Minnesota in Minnesota and like two or two or three inches of snow during that whole game.

And I remember sitting in my dorm and I was redshirted. So you don't travel when you redshirt. I was like, man, those guys look cold while I'm sitting on the couch, you just watch it. So I was like, that one, you want to play, but I was like, that one, you stand on the sideline. I think that you're, you're worth something to do to a plan. Yeah.

That's a fact. Yeah. I have a question for you. Um, yeah. I don't know if you saw a couple of years ago, they, I think they ran through Aaron Rodgers list of every receiver he's ever thrown a touchdown pass to. I'm curious for you in the NFL, can you name every quarterback on the Redskins commanders or football team that you've caught a pass from?

Do. Um, uh, okay, I'm, I'm going to do my best here. Let me say Colt McCoy, Case Keenum. Yep. Uh, um, Dwayne Haskins, uh, Carson Wentz. Does he count? Oh, yeah. All right.

Carson Wentz. Uh, Logan Thomas against Dallas and yep, um, let me think, Alex Smith, yeah, uh, I'm trying to think, oh, Garrett Gilbert. Okay. Double key. Yep. Yep. You're missing one.

You got the hard ones. So you got, you got Logan Thomas. I didn't think that you'd get that one. Garrett Gilbert. That was, that was a weird game, huh? Yeah, that was crazy. He came in on Wednesday. Yeah.

He came in on Wednesday. It was like, he's the quarterback for this week and we were like, all right. What happens? Like how, how do you develop rapport with a guy over 24 hours? Man, like you, you just hope that the preparation you put in during the week is going to work out. You know what I mean? The cool thing about football, like at this level, you, you, you make it make sense.

You know what I mean? Like, cause you know, like you can't come in an interview after this. Yeah. Only had, you know, only had two hours of the practice with this dude. Yeah. People take that into consideration, but it's still a win-loss business. So, um, you kind of got to go on with that mentality and you just hope the quarterback is on that same page and Garrett was great.

Like he was, he was talking through with me throughout that whole week and, um, you know, we got to connect on the D ball. So that was, that was pretty cool. Yeah. I think I got that into the list. Yeah. There's one more. Kyle Allen was the last one.

Kyle Allen. Yeah. Caught a touchdown from him. My God. Yeah. I did. Against Dallas. Yeah.

Yeah. Shout out to Kyle. Don't get mad at him if I didn't name him. All right. My last question. It's a rowback question. Use promo code TAKE. You get 20% off your first purchase.

R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com. Use code TAKE. 20% off your first purchase. Q-Zips. Polos. Hoodies. Uh, Terry, this has been a lot of fun where you appreciate it. You're a current guest now.

I love that. Whenever we ask, you have to come on. You have to drop everything. But my last question was, $71 million is very cool. Was it kind of cooler though to be a 91 in Madden and a top 10 wide receiver? Because I'd imagine that's pretty fucking cool as well. Yeah. Like, honestly, I always took the approach like, because my rookie year, you never know

what to expect. But now that I was in the top 10, like, I think that's pretty cool to not have to create yourself in the game and like, I think that's dope, but I don't got to put all my accessories on there. I'm just there. You know, they may be pretty decent. So it's cool to see like my homies, you know, will be playing and they'll use Washington against me and they'll be, you know, using me as my player.

But I always said also, like, this is, this is my mentality. I'm like, well, even if Madden, you know, rated me bad, like, you just got to make sure you're good in real life. You know what I mean? Make sure, no matter what, like just make sure everything's straight in real life because it's a video game. But like, at the end of the day, I think any player, most players could say growing up, you played Madden or you wanted to be on Madden and you wanted, you know, to be good.

So I think just to be ranked around some of the best receivers in the league is, it's pretty cool. Yeah. I have one last, last, last thing before you go. New receiver, Johan Dotson on the team. I love him. I think he's, he seems like an awesome, genuine dude. He carries the football around with him everywhere.

Are you like, are you like, dude, you don't have to do that anymore. This is in high school football. You're not being punished for fumbling. Does he actually really take it everywhere? So when I first, when I first met him out in California, when we were throwing with Carson right after I signed my contract, he had the football with him. So I was like, okay, that's true. But I didn't say nothing.

You know what I mean? I'm like, that's, you know, essentially, that's just his thing. Like, I'm a big, if that's your ritual, if that's your routine, do your routine. That's you. I haven't seen it since then. I haven't seen it in the building. I haven't seen it in camp and things like that. So I don't know if it's like, you know, he hasn't had any issues dropping the ball.

So whatever he's doing is working. Does he have better hands than you? If you were to say, like, who's got better hands? I think we have to see how he does in the game first. You know what I mean? But I think just naturally catching the ball, he definitely just has a natural ball skill ability. Like he makes some pretty easy catches that look really easy and natural.

Like you could tell he has a good feel of playing the receiver position as a rookie and how to catch the ball, how to position himself to use late hands and some of the tactics that you don't really learn until you're a vet, you know what I mean? Or you had a great mentor. So I'm interested to see what it's looking like when the games come through this year because I've definitely noticed you can you can be great in practice and you can come out and have a few jobs in the game. So but so far he's been great, man.

I think it's going to be really cool to see how he can help us this year with his ability to be able to play the inside receiver, outside receiver. It's going to be fun for him. Yeah, I love it. Well, thank you so much, Terry. We really appreciate your time. Best of luck this year. Congrats again on everything.

And we will you'll be back on. So we're going to have to we'll call on you when you have a big game. Yeah, like when you guys make the Super Bowl this year, you have to come on part of my take in that Friday's episodes. Yeah. When the watching commanders are playing the Super Bowl, we had to do that show live. Don't do it. Done.

OK, you got a hard one. Yes, yes. All right, thanks so much. Appreciate you guys. Yeah, appreciate it. Future Super Bowl champion, Terry McLaurin is brought to you by Barstool Bites and the part of my cheesesteak. The part of my cheesesteak is a delivery and pick up only restaurant brand, bringing

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You can go get them. Get them right now, Jake. They're right outside the door. Jake, did you order a part of my cheesesteak today? Be honest. I ordered one on Tuesday night. That's honest. Love it. Love it, Jake. The fries. I love the fries. The fries are great. Yeah, very crispy fries.

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I don't know where Billy went. So we kind of were talking about this earlier with one of your guys, Mount Rushmore Picks, but I was on vacation last weekend. You guys and I came back on Monday. You guys know how it is after a long, hard fought vacation. I was I was worn out. My body was beat up. Yeah, so I came home from work in the late afternoon and fell asleep early,

like probably around nine, nine o'clock, super, super early. So I woke up, ended up waking up at like five o'clock in the morning, went to the bathroom, brought my phone, you know, do some reading. And I went on Twitter and was just, you know, I was half asleep, whatever. And I didn't. It was before Big Cat's Coffee Tweet, which is when I knew it was like, I'm up early way too early right now. And I clicked my mentions and I had like literally

eight straight mentions from porn bots that were saying, you know, the various things porn bots say, like, do you want to hang out? Do you like my pics? Can we chat? But blah, blah, blah. So I thought it was funny. I just literally quote tweeted with like two word response. Be like, yes, sounds good.

I do want to talk like you are pretty as a joke, playing into it, knowing that some people would think I was actually being horny and some people would understand the joke as Twitter goes. But after I did it, I went back and I clicked the profiles of some of these tweets and it was the most aggressive porn I think I've ever seen in my life. Like it was it was quadruple airtight situations going on. Yeah.

So I was like, I was like, I don't want to I don't want to be slinging smud at six o'clock in the morning. Like everyone's going to wake up and click these profiles and be like, what the fuck am I seeing? So I deleted it and then people on the internet think they caught me like being horny in that I did it and and for some reason got caught doing something and deleted it. So for like the last two days, I've had people sending me the screenshots

being like, why did you delete this? What's going on? What the fuck? You're like, bonk, bonk, bonk, whatever. So it's just like people didn't catch you. They didn't they did not catch you or do not as a as a joke as a joke. But people as a joke people. Yeah, people thought I was being horny for real. And then I got caught being horny and I'm like trying to hide something.

And now you hear a comment to it. Yeah, to be like, follow up. I was joking. I was. Yeah, I deleted it for the people. Right. You had an ironic correction. Yes. No, it was like it was like that. That was it was like too much for an erection. Yeah. Yeah.

There is a there's a you were so horny that you already came. No, there's just like what he's saying is right. There's a line that that's crossed with porn where you're like, no. And when it's on Twitter, like, you know, obviously, when you're watching, there's a lead up and, you know, you kind of got to get into it. This was like, click the profile. And it was it was just seven, seven, seven things going on. Yeah. So there were a bunch of horny

narks out there that sent me screenshots of Hank's tweets. And so I looked up these profiles and I clicked on one. I was like, holy fuck, it was extreme, even for the internet. And they always have the pin tweet. Yeah, that's just like right in your face. Yeah, they let you know. So I thought, you know, it was funny, but I, you know, for the people, I didn't want to have people wake up with that that imagery in their head.

OK, good. Thank you. Yeah. PFT, your FireFest. My FireFest also involves Twitter. So I I schedule tweets out. They come out every time we release a part of my take. It comes out 8 a.m. on the day that it comes out. And apparently last week when we did the Nathaniel Hackett interview, I scheduled my tweet because the way that it automatically populates

when you hit select date is a week from that day. Yeah. And so this morning, I guess, Thursday morning, so yesterday morning, if you're listening to this podcast, I tweeted out the this is part of my take with Nathaniel Hackett, head coach, the Denver Broncos. And then everybody was like, are you on drugs right now? Everyone. And I was not on drugs. The drugs had completely left my system from last night. So I was not high, but then I just started following up to that tweet

and just like acting like the interview came out again today. So I'm like, you know what, let's just get more down to it. I'm posting videos on it right now. So but people thought that I was I was wasted, that my brain was fried from mushrooms, both not the case. It was a scheduled tweet snafu. I have about one of these per year. I think the last one I accidentally scheduled like 8 p.m.

when it came out and I was like, good morning. Yeah, brand new part of my take. So yeah, OK, those little time traveling. I'm sorry. It's the internet screwed me up. Not my own brain, but whatever is a good interview. Happens to be the best of us. Yeah. Yeah. OK, my firefests is promo too hard. Yeah, sorry.

My my son had an eye infection. I had to do eye drops for a three year old. And I guess it's a reverse firefests where I now think I can accomplish anything in the entire world because for anyone out there who's had to do that, it is the hardest thing you've ever done in your entire life. Clockwork, orange status. It was yeah, there was a moment where I was like, this this seems cruel

because I'm like peeling his eyes open. Yeah. But yeah, it's it was one of those parenting moments where it's like once you I felt like KG, like impossible is nothing. Like I I can do anything as possible. And everything is what is it? Anything. I think the story is that he was trying to say impossible is nothing, but he he was just so caught up with it. Anything is possible.

OK, so I'm impossible is nothing. And impossible is truly nothing at this point in my life. So I feel good about it. All right, Billy, just eyes in general are weird. Like even if it's my own eye, I got a weird thing about like touching eyes, touching my eye, other people's eyes. That's that's elite level parenting. It was funny, though, because he had he had like a little eye infection.

And I woke him up. I think it was like maybe Monday or Tuesday morning and he was just like, my eye is broken. And I was like, that's not exactly what's going on. But yeah, you get the vibe like Bob Costas. No, it's giving Bob Costas had like the gunk. So no, no pink eye, Billy, Larry Seven is dead. But didn't even know him.

Yeah, Billy, you killed him. No, killed a small animal. You killed him. No, I was moving his tank. Who was responsible for him? Well, there was Mackenzie was taking care of him. He was on her desk and delegated that there's me. Why'd you do that? Because I didn't have a desk at that time, so we couldn't put on my desk.

So then I was moving. How long have you had a desk at this office? Since about a year. Say about probably about a year. You killed our goldfish. Yeah, instead. OK, it's going dark. R.I.P. A dead bitch. I.P.

Yeah, I can't I can't I can't grieve. I didn't know we had Larry Seven. I knew that we had him. But he was going the dark. He didn't perform that well. Yeah. So OK. Maybe we'll get a new Larry for football season. Perfect. Not Billy.

Look after him. Well, I will take care of the tanks on my desk. So R.I.P. Lariat as well. Yeah. How many animals? How many pets have you had that have died? Um, five. That's in the last year. That's a lot for how old you are.

Yeah, but like some of them are short-lived. Yeah, the frog you find. All right, Jake, finish us off. Wait, are we counting the chickens that all got killed by the hawk? Yeah, so it's more like what, 12 now? Yeah. Yeah. Wrecking up numbers. All right, Jake, finish us off.

I was riding my bike on the way to the office today and a giant bee hit me in the face. A bee? Yeah, it didn't bite me, but it was. I could have definitely. Bees don't bite. Could have been. They stay. I saw a bee once, could have been me. Yep. That's crazy.

It hit you. It was like the speed. Like I was going pretty fast. It was an e-bike. And you got in a car crash with a bee. You Jake got in a car crash with a bee. Wait, so on a bike, you killed the bee. No, I don't think so.

Did you check on it? Did you? No, I was moving too quick. Make an audible noise. I was like, well, how did you? How do you know it was a bee? I could see the yellow and black. Got it. Wow.

Great eyesight. Damn, that's pretty fucking sick. Yeah, so I'm okay. I'm here to tell the story. Jake's, Jake's, Jake's glasses were just the windshield wipe. No, I mean, that's, that's the most deadly encounter that you can have a single hornet. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, right. Well, high speed crash. All right, numbers. 27. Hank, you still haven't gotten it. I have not. 52. By the way, I do have the most wins.

56. I do have the most wins because I won on 21 once. You suspect. I remember I came back from Vegas. Is it 21 or one? I don't, but I'll believe you. So Billy is the champion right now.

45. Oh, Billy's favorite number. How many times? Five. All right. See everyone on Monday. Love you guys. Tasmanian devils have four nipples,

but they can have 30 children, but only four get to live and it has to be the strongest. By rnr.com, by rnr.com. I'm talking away, though I don't know what. I'm just saying I'll say it anyway. Day is another day to find you, shine it away. I'm becoming more your love of the dream. Needless to say, I'm on a journey,

but we've stung a little weight. Stung a little, but life is OK. Say it to me. At least we're better to be safe than sorry. Say it to me. At least we're better to be safe than sorry. Say it to me. Say it to me.

At least we're better to be safe than sorry. At least we're better to be safe than sorry. Things that I can say and reason why I thought Just to blame that word and reason why You're all the things I've got to remember And you're shy and I I'll be coming for you in any way And you're shy and I I'll be coming for you in any way Take on me, take on me, take on me Take on me, I'll take on you

Take on me, take on me, take on me, I'll make you Take on me, take on me, take on me Take on me, take on me, take on me, take on me