Pardon My Take - Creed Bratton, Slim Melo And Mt Rushmore Of Things That Happened Since Sports Were Cancelled

Episode Date: July 22, 2020

The last show before really live sports are back (sorry MLS), NBA Bubble looks weird and who is most mad they aren't getting scoops (2:13 - 9:50). Hot Seat/Cool Throne including iphones now breaking because of Iphone 12 and Slim Melo (9:50 - 25:19). Creed Bratton joins the show to talk about the office, his music career, and doing acid in the late 60's on stage at a concert (25:19 - 46:57). Segments include the Mt Rushmore of things that happened since sports were cancelled and Guys on Chicks.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take, we have Creed Bratton, very interesting guest. You know him from the office. You probably don't know him from his music career and tell some awesome stories about doing acid in San Francisco in the late 60s. We have Hot Seat Cool Throne.

We have the Mount Rushmore of things that happened during quarantine or since sports have been canceled because we will have sports back on Thursday night. This is not one that I would have liked to do a month ago. Correct. And it would just make me sad and thinking about all the things that could be happening. But now that it's sports Eve. Finish line. Let's do it.

Finish line. So, and then we have guys on chicks. We got a pack show for you on Wednesday. Before we get to all that, part of my take is brought to you by the Cash App. Cash App is the easiest place to send money to your friends. It's the safest. It's the number one social distancing app. It's the number one app in the world.

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Let's go. Now in the street there is violence and then a lot of stuff work to be done. No place to hang out or wash in and then I can't live all on the sun. Oh no, we're gonna run down to electric high venue and then we'll take it higher. It's part of my take presented by Barstool Sports. Welcome to part of my take presented by the Cash App. Go download it right now. Use code BARSTOOL.

You get $10 for free, $10 to ASPCA. Today is Wednesday, July 22nd and the next time you hear our voices, we'll be talking about real live sports, baby. Let me be the first to wish you all a very merry sports eve. I'm so excited. I am so excited for sports. I don't know about you, but just even recording Sunday night show when it's like sports are coming back, that's like a natural cocaine that I've got in my system right now.

I also am realizing now that this is when Hank always laughs at us how like starting around August 1st, we do like 16 different shows that say football is back. This is our second straight show saying sports are back without sports actually being back. It is sports eve. I feel like this counts and the irony in all this is if this were last year or the year before, usually, you know, mid to late July, that's when we're coming on the show and we're like, well, there was some regular season baseball yesterday, not a lot to get into. So let's dive into guys on chicks.

Now it's like, holy shit, sports are almost back. I would kill an elephant with my bare hands just to have one interleague baseball game going on. And we're going to get some baseball on Thursday night. We're going to stay in the studio, watch the game, we'll record after the game. So we'll have a real breakdown of actual sports. So before we get to that, we still have two more days to get through. And we have the NBA bubble has been debuted.

Is that was that the right word? It's just basically been a bunch of people. The journalists who are loud in the bubble now get the primo content and they're like, look at what the court looks like. And everyone's like, oh, fuck, a basketball court. It was not a debut. It was first look. First when you had when you put out the video you had to title it first look NBA court.

It's surrounded by jumbotrons on all sides. You might even call it a great wall. Yep. That's around the court. I just like, I just like seeing Daktronics everywhere. That just makes me feel better. And it has, I think so, depending on what team is a technically home, they're going to have like the home teams graphics because I saw that it looked like a heat themes court.

So that was when they're going to be the whole thing is going to be crazy. I actually think it's not going to be that weird to start. But once we get into like the conference finals, it's going to be fucking bizarre to have like games go on with no fans and just like big, big moments happen to, you know, 20 people in the room, basically Brian Windhorst and the bench players cheering. So I do, I am a little jealous of the people who are in the bubble just because they do get all these scoops and they get to be like new bubble scoop. Everything is a story in the bubble.

Yeah. Myers Leonard chugged a beer. That's a story. Dwight Howard doesn't think vaccines are real. That's a story. Jimmy Butler got the cops called on him because he was dribbling the ball in his hotel room at 1 a.m. That's a story.

Right. Players caught fish. Players. The spurs went on a boat. That's a story. We're so, we are craving sports content so much that they are just sitting on a gold minus stories. You got to think that there's, we should actually do a quick list.

Who's most mad that they're not getting these stories? I mean, Ravel's number one. Ravel, yeah. First look. He also should be there. He stepped in. It's made by tweeting out a wood meme. Did you see that?

He deleted it right away. Well, I saw that. So that's what we said on this show a couple of weeks ago. Yeah. We said that. We said that wood, the meme guys should be in the stands as a cardboard cutout and somebody sent him a photoshop of wood in the stands. He was like, this looks real.

And I'm going to do something. I'm going to do something I rarely do. I'm going to actually defend Ravel because I screenshot it when he did it, then he deleted it, then I tweeted it and he wrote, glad you got it. And people assumed Ravel was saying that he knew the joke and he was in on the joke. No, he was saying, glad I screen shot it. He did not see it. He fucked up.

You would not have deleted it if he had done that on purpose. Correct. Although that would be like a next level thing right there is to tweet it out, then delete it knowing that you would get more eyes on the Streisand effect. Yes. That is beyond Darren Ravel's scope of imagination. He doesn't have object permanence. Yes.

He's like a dog when you had a tennis ball behind your back. Shefty. Definitely mad. He's not in the bubble getting these scoops. Yeah. I would go. Is Wind Horse in the bubble? I mean, Woj.

Woj. But Woj is. Woj Hattle. You know what? To tweet that out. I know who number one is. It's Wob. Oh, yeah.

Wob is definitely upset that he's not in the bubble getting these because it's just primo content. You know what? I wouldn't be surprised though if Woj, when he comes back, he has like a time stamped notarized public, notary public like stamped. I had these scoops before everyone else. Yeah. Like this is the time that I had this scoop.

Oh, yeah. Everyone else like he's just been collecting scoops. Woj probably has a list of every player's name and what they're going to have on the back of their jersey ready to go that he's had notarized. You know what I was thinking about earlier today? This would be, it'd be so LeBron if he came out with a James senior on the back of his jersey. Father of three.

Yeah. If he did just a little update to his jersey. Or just Father of three. Very tasteful. Yeah. Father of and then Roman numerals. Yes. Yes.

Because he's all about me. What else do we have? Dr. Fauci is throwing out the first pitch on Thursday night. He better not bounce it. Yeah. He better not bounce it. He's in good shape. He's in good shape.

But he's up there in age. Not the tallest guy. Trump's going to be in the dugout just banging a trash can. They said he was a Die Hard Nationals fan. But I don't know. It's more junk from Fauci. Can you be a Die Hard Nationals fan? He's from New York.

Yes, we can. There are dozens of us, Hank. We're like the never new. But it's such a new team. Well, it's been around for 14 years, 15 years. Ish. Right. So he was like 60.

He could have been an Expo's fan before. You never know. He probably was. He could have been a Senator's fan. Probably a Senator's fan back in the day before it moved to Texas and to Minnesota. He's just happy that sports are back. I think. Dr. Fauci.

At least when Dr. Fauci is throwing out the first pitch, he can't be saying that football can't happen. Yeah. For those like 30 seconds. Or if he does, you won't be able to see his lips move because he'll be wearing a mask. Right. So that'll be good. Did you say that Fauci was a Senator?

No, a Senator's fan. Okay, a Senator's fan. Got you. Got you. Yes. I was going to have to fact check that. Okay. So yeah, that's pretty much all we got.

We had Sports Eve Eve. Figuring it out. NFL is figuring it out. I think everyone sat down and was like, this is stupid. Like we can't be the NFL is going to happen. It's again, they're the one league that can't even pretend that they care about player safety. So just fucking play. And there might be a little silver lining behind this, which is if indeed college sports

don't happen. And again, we're all very much rooting for it to happen if it's safe. If there's no college football on Saturdays, they're probably going to play a lot of NFL games on Saturdays. In which case, if you're the Falcons, you have to play every home game so that you can serve that Chick-fil-A out of the stadium. That would be a big, big plus for you. All right.

So let's get the hot seat cool drone. Then we'll get to Creed Bratton. Hot seat cool drone is brought to you by Bud Light Seltzer on the hot seat this week. Our beer runs with sports coming back. Our friends at Bud Light know you can't miss any precious seconds of the game. So head to budlight.com slash delivery and get ice cold Bud Light and Bud Light Seltzer delivered straight to your door. So you don't have to miss any action.

That's budlight.com slash delivery. Hank, why don't you kick us off? Billy, do you have a hot seat cool drone? Yep. All right. Cool. So we'll be ready for yours. My hot seat is the Marlins.

They're just taking ricochet shots pretty much every night. Every time, you know, they ask players like what's it like to play in front of no fans. Everyone's just like, well, it's like playing in Miami. Hey, you heard about this? What are it shouldn't be too much of a change for the Chargers? Right. Chargers canceled all season ticket holders this past week. They called those three people.

Also that was the Colbert report out to V and Alex Pregman. They might have thought like they got away with it after, you know, everyone hopefully forgot about the whole cheating scandal. They both got hit consecutively today. So they're kind of just fucked. Good. Yes. I'm fine with that.

I didn't like get severely injured. No, we don't. Good. Okay. I'm fine with it. Yeah. And then my cool throne. I just want them to be waking up extremely sore every morning.

Is that bad for me to wish that as a sports fan? No. No. I just want them to be mildly inconvenienced by like 88 mile an hour fastballs. My cool throne is live sports. So you guys might think, you know, we said two sports come back in two days, but they're actually back today, Wednesday. Oh.

It's not going to be basketball. It's not going to be baseball. It's not going to be football. It's going to be Jenga. Oh. We're live streaming. We're doing a giveaway. We put the not a drug guy shirts on sale.

We're going to be giving away 10 not a drug guy shirts. People if they can guess the, so it's going to be PFT and Kate from Barstool. And then first Nick and KB who were big cats also from Barstool. Yeah. They work with big cat in the YAC. I don't know how you describe them to someone that doesn't know them. You don't. You just say them.

Tweedle D and Tweedle smart. Yeah. You just don't. They're going at it two on two Jenga, 330 PMT Twitch. If you can guess the team that wins and then the person that picks the losing block and how many total blocks, you will win a not a drug guy T shirt. Whoa. Okay.

330 big cow will be on the call. Jake Marsh. Jeff D. Low. Part of my take. Okay. By the way, I just realized like how offensive is it? Is it that we keep talking about sports being back and MLS has been back for like two weeks. Yeah.

They get no respect. And I'm fine with that. Their tournament is called the MLS is back tournament. Yeah. They're trying to make us say MLS back. They're even playing games at like 9am. Yeah. And I still haven't watched.

You know what? I've watched a couple of them. It's exactly what you think it would be. No, there's nobody in the stands. Not for me. It's like a Chargers game out there. Well, you hear about the season ticket holders. And this has been a show with Jay Leno.

Did you hear about the season ticket holders? They canceled the season tickets this week. Oh, really? Yeah. Both of them. Yep. And tune in next week for late night with Katie Nolan. All right.

Go ahead, P.F.D. You're a hot seat cold throne. My hot seat. I got two of them. One is professionalism because the Dallas Stars have announced that they're not going to be wearing suits in the hockey bubble. They're going to be showing up wearing. They're going to be looking Daniel Jones chic, which is wearing like a Brooks Brothers shirt

and nice jeans. Speaking of booties. Did you see Daniel Jones' booty? He's got a nice ass. How many zucks is that? Nice ass. Probably two and a half zucks. That's like the Zuck Zuck 7000.

Daniel Jones got a nice booty. I have not seen it. But yeah. Booty watch. You know what? Real swag is no swag. And if you really work out and if you're a student of the game and student of the weight room, you probably have a big ass and might not have the popcorn muscles like the bench

press muscles. So my other hot seat, actually that's my only hot seat because Hank stole my other one. My cool throne is glory holes. Oh, I saw that. So I believe this is the government of Toronto is saying they're encouraging glory hole use to encourage social distancing so you don't get any like respiratory droplets on you whilst having sex with a stranger in a bathroom. You just put your dick through the hole.

Yeah. I sure. Yeah, let's do it. Yeah. Why not? Let's bring back glory holes because there's one thing that sex is missing at times and that's just the thrill of not knowing who you're having sex with. I have glory holes even.

I wouldn't even say that they're gone by the wayside. I feel like I've never seen a glory hole in person. I've seen one or two, but they're in very, very shady locations. Which side were you on? I was on the good. I was on the standing upside. OK. They should make Jeremy Rodik.

The guy was seven feet tall. They should make Jeremy Rodik testify in a glory hole and he should have to just stand there with his dick through it, dick through the wall. And if he enjoys it, then guess what, Jeremy, you're fucking lawsuits getting thrown out. If you really hate it, then yep, we can proceed. Yep. So yeah, glory. We can do a glory hole for the handshake lines in the playoffs.

They should bring out just like a plexiglass thing. You just get your hands through there. That's got maybe like 15 or 16 holes in it. So the guys can shake hands at the end of the series because I don't think it's going to happen this year. No. They might do fist bumps, elbows. Not the same.

Not the same. Not the same. Not the same. Especially when like the goalies get the little like extra. They do a little extra juice. Really shake hands. All right. My hot seats is your iPhone.

I don't know if you guys had the same thought, but I my iPhone on Saturday started like rapidly losing battery, getting way overheated and I've just it's been crap the last few days. And then I Googled it because I was like, oh, I should probably get a new one. Oh, weird. iPhone 12 coming out soon. Oh, it's fucking every single time. I don't understand how they're able to get away with this. Steve Jobs, man.

Like I had the thought I was like, ah, I really could use a new iPhone. Oh, you mean there's like. The iPhone 12 just got leaked a day ago. No way. It's gotten to the point where I would almost rather have a gas powered phone. One that I have to go to a gas station and fill up with like $10 worth of juice per week, as opposed to having to trade my phone in every exactly one every like was it 19, 20 months?

Yes. Is when they really start to drain. What I really want to know is someone out there who has like an iPhone 6. Does the battery come back? Do they then leave? You're like, all right, we're done fucking with the last two or three iterations of iPhone. Like we can just move on to the next one. Like is there is there a way where there's someone out there who's waited it out and

your iPhone, your iPhone 6 or 7 sucked for a while. And then when they got to 10, 11, 12, it started being good again. It turned back on like an independence day when the mother ship got back to earth. They're like, yeah, we're done. We don't need to fuck with these iPhone 6s anymore. No one has them. So someone tweet us something. I don't even know.

Do they have Twitter for iPhone on iPhone 6? Probably not. Yeah. So do send us an, I don't know what somehow get in touch with us through your life. My spaces from your iPhone 6, you know what I thought or who's got the oldest get someone prove your oldest iPhone that is still out there. I used to have a friend who had like an iPhone 5, I want to say up until like a year and a half ago.

That was impressive. You know what? I've got an ESPN phone and I think that those came out in 2002, 2003. People don't give the ESPN phone enough credit because it was essentially an iPhone before an iPhone. It was the first phone to imagine internet technology being able to watch sports highlights, watch video. But the problem was they made it just like exclusive to ESPN products.

People are so obsessed with their company that they'll check in only for us on their phone and the digital network obviously sucked. It was like 2G, but 2G didn't give anyone coronavirus. So in many ways it was a lot stronger than what we have today. So yeah, so the iPhones, I'm sure everyone's noticed it's going to happen. Your iPhone's probably just going to blow up. It was like hot to the touch. I actually think that Steve Jobs or whoever's in charge of Apple is somewhere in a layer

and they have a bar. They've got a bar graph and when it dips down below like 30 or 20% of people still out there, they have it planned out to maximize their new iPhone sales when they can tell how good or how bad everyone's battery life is. So they hit the switch and they're like, okay, drop the 12. I also saw on the new iPhone 12, it's got four cameras, which I don't know. Like I think they're just doing it to be like, how many cameras can you break? Like I two out of three of my cameras are broken.

Yeah. I can't be responsible for four case. Well, yeah, because I'm an adrenaline junkie, dude. What about the pussy like you who's like, oh, I'm going to fucking make sure there's a case on my iPhone. What about the people that freaked out when there are three holes? Three cameras? Those people are in the clear.

The trip. The Trifobics. Yeah. Trifobics. Now we got the perfect square, but it seriously is like how many more things can we put on this to break? I hope they make it a little bit like off-center with the different camera holes so it still fucks those people.

Mm-hmm. All right. So, oh, and my cool throne is Carmelo Anthony and the many iterations of Carmelo Anthony. You've heard of Olympics mellow. Mm-hmm. You've heard of hoodie mellow. He's now slim mellow. So he actually does look skinny.

And it's crazy. I'm going to say something nice about Carmelo Anthony. It is crazy to watch him in practice and just realize how fucking good he is at scoring. Like everything else, maybe not there anymore, but he's just, he's a walking bucket. So slim mellow is here. Goodbye hoodie mellow. Goodbye Olympics mellow. It's slim mellow season.

This is actually the perfect environment for Carmelo Anthony because when does he perform at his best in the Olympics, right? When the athletes are confined to a certain type of village with each other, living under the bubble in a forbidden city, if you will. And this is exactly what's happening in Atlanta right now. I am rooting so hard for mellow to play well. I don't know what it is about him, but I feel like everyone that's a casual NBA fan is absolutely behind him.

We want to see mellow go out there and score like 35 points, right? Eh. Why, are you mad because he did Chicago? No, I just saw. I don't care. I don't think about him that much. I mean, I, I'm sure he, he could be fine. I don't care.

It'd just be sick to see Carmelo go out there and dominate one series in his playoffs. Yeah. I guess I just don't see it happening, but yeah, yeah, if it happened, it'll be a good story. Um, slim mellow though. He's looking good. Uh, Billy, you ready? Yep.

You've done a great job of not talking. Thank you. William, our soy man football. My hot seat is Madden every year. Look at Billy talking. Madden ratings come out and there's always quite an uproar on certain ratings. Little Wayne's chimed in. Yeah.

We saw this from the update. Billy sent us another great packet today for today's show with a list of the 10 slash 14 things that we need to talk about. And he included everything that we didn't talk about from last time, including Lil Wayne's tweet about the Madden ratings being absurd from July 14th. Yeah. So this was, I do like this. I think that the things we passed over were just, we missed them.

Karen's don't like adults. Hot seat whales. Oh, the first recorded shark attack on a whale. Nice. Where it drowned the whale underwater, um, was recorded a shark named Helen drowned a whale off the coast of Massachusetts. Um, why are they, why are they erasing the whale's name in all this? Wait, why is the shark named Helen?

I'm not sure. They track sharks because of, you know, they, it's good to track great white sharks, especially during beach season, um, to make sure that there's no shark attacks. Uh, so they know the shark, but they don't know the whale. I love when we get like nature killings like this and people are like, oh my God, like it's the poor whale. It got eaten. And there's like coronavirus deaths, 140,000 who cares?

It's fucking hoax. Now what they really should have done is they, what the whales? No, I don't care about nature. Like I care about nature. I don't care about natural selection in the world. Like the, uh, uh, Zebra getting mauled by a tiger is what should be happening. What about, I'm not like, oh my God, that poor zebra. His name was probably like Butchie and he had a family and everything.

What about when a Midwestern dentist fulfills his natural right to go hunt a lion? Humans get involved. It's different. See, I think that they should have named this whale posthumously. Did I say that right? Posthumously. Because then you get that, because it's from the New York post and the post has mastered the art of getting the quote tweets.

They're on a fucking roll when it comes to that. If they had given this whale a name, then they could get in on that sweet Harambe action. Willie the whale. Yeah. People would say RIP or sweet Prince William, William, the whale, got fucking murdered and planes, you know, in broad daylight, Billy, we could only be so lucky. Billy the whale got murdered because we got too fat over the summer. Billy the whale got murdered and the last thing he said was people are really mad about

mad in ratings. My cool throne. You're doing a great job of taking it, too, like you're fucking crushing it, dude. You're crushing it. Everyone in the NBA tested negative for the Corona virus in the bubble, which is a cool throne for sports. We should have mentioned that. Good job, Billy.

We should have mentioned that. It's good that all they were negative. I think the bubble works. It all works. Cool throne bubble. Honestly, sports could heal the entire world. Sports could figure out a way to solve this coronavirus thing, because if you can test, if you have a test case and a model for how to solve it amongst a given population, you

can expand that out. Sports might save millions of lives, and this is definitely not just me talking insane because I haven't had any sports on TV. If the bubble works, why don't we make the world a bubble? Kyrie already believes it is. Whoa. Think about it, Billy. Trying.

We should. What we should do is we should do aggressive testing and tracing, and everyone should wear a mask, and then the world could be a bubble. No, that's crazy. That's not stupid. That's stupid. Let's get back to sports. That's stupid.

I'm my bad, guys. All right. Let's get to our interview with Creed Bratton. Awesome interview. One of those ones where I didn't even know his name was Creed Bratton until we had him on, but it actually is Creed Bratton. Before we do that, a quick word from our friends at 3C, 3C is a leader in hemp-derived cannabinoid products, all products formulated by a biochemist.

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Do it right now. Go to 3CHI.com. That's 3CHI.com and use code PMT to receive 5% off your order at checkout. Okay. Here he is. Creed Bratton. Okay. We now welcome on a very special guest.

It is Creed Bratton. You know him from the office. He has a new album out called Slightly Altered. First of all, thank you for joining us, Creed. We appreciate it. Thanks for having me, guys. I actually wanted to start with, I think I knew this, but I didn't know it fully until we were getting ready for this interview that your name actually is Creed Bratton.

Does that get confusing at all to people to have your real name be your character's name? No. No, it's a good thing. It's a good thing, obviously, yeah, because I have them more recognizable for sure. That's true. I guess when people are yelling your name, it's better that they're yelling your real name. That's one of the shows that use their real name as their character's name as well, right?

Well, not that yet, but that was Angela and Oscar and trying to think who else Phyllis. But they used my, they used their last names. They just used their first names. I used my last names. Well, Greg Dennis did that because of my being in the grassroots because he utilized several times on the show that I was in the grassroots and he wanted to use that rock thing in there. Even though it was in deleted scenes, it didn't come out really till the finale, actually. So yeah, you're always listed as playing a fictionalized version of yourself and I've

been curious how close to the real Creed Bratton is the Creed Bratton that we got to get glimpses of in the office. Right. Well, as most actors who play characters, you know, they're not, we're not as funny in real life. Although I find myself rather humorous, actually. Steve Correll is just, is very, very quiet and calm, gentle soul and he's hysterically funny when he's in the character of Michael Scott.

No, I was, there is obviously some of my demented rock and roll characteristics in the Creed character, but he is, it's still an actor playing a part at the end of the day for sure. When you were, you know, signed up to be in the office and you guys are going through the seasons, did you have any feeling that it would be as big as it is even today? Like I actually, during quarantine, I just started it back at, you know, season one and just watch it, rewatch it all the time, seeing all the episodes a million times and you can still watch it. Did you ever feel like that was happening while it was going on?

No. I mean, some other people in the show have commented that they knew it. They knew it. I didn't, I didn't know it. I didn't know. I was just there day to day just trying to not fuck up my parts and do the guy right. Until, I think we went to an up front in New York and we're staying at the Plaza Hotel and we're doing the red carpet stuff and you start doing that stuff.

You start, wait a second, this is like, this is real. This is like happening and then people come up to you and market stuff and comment and they see you and they wave and then you start, it slowly dawned on me that the show was maybe going to make it okay, but not to the point that it's part of the zeitgeist, which it is now. Right. And not only the people who watched it then, but their younger siblings and stuff are watching it and it just keeps on going.

It's more popular now on stream. I think it's still a little streaming show out there. I believe it is. Yes. It's on a scene. And so how could anyone predict something like that, my goodness? During the filming of the show, I never really knew what Creed did for a living. I knew he was quality control, right?

That was your job title, but they never really got into the nuts and bolts of what Creed did day in and day out in the office besides just sit at his desk. He didn't do Jack. That's what he did. I was going to say, do you know what his day-to-day job description was in that show? You know Dilbert, the cartoon Dilbert? Yes. He's been in the news.

Yeah. He's Creed's Wally. Yeah. Okay. Absolutely Wally. He doesn't do anything. He avoids work at all times. He never goes to that.

One time he got, they put the cartoon characters having sex on the paper, the paper stock. He hadn't been there to check on this people in a year. That's right. And then he get blames on somebody else. Kind of reminds me of somebody else I know now, but that wouldn't be the case. How have you not secured Creed thoughts and made that your personal blog? Because it was owned by NBC in the beginning. Ah.

Yeah. Okay. We need that. You need that. That's the best. I would love it. I would love it, but they did such a great job. I wouldn't do as well.

All the videos that I'm putting out on Instagram and Tik Tok and stuff, I'm writing all those and, you know, obviously, because I have to, but nobody else around. Yeah. I just typed in creed.com. I know that's not the official site. I think there was a dot gov and something in there, but I'm pretty sure my computer got a virus from that. So that's kind of on the nose.

That's what, if I had one, that's what it would be, you know, your credit card information. Yes. Yeah. A phishing scam. Yeah. I love that. I think creed would have to do, to be honest with you guys, hacking the rest of the people's computer.

Creed, I don't know how much weight you pull over at Netflix, but if you could do me a favor and tell them, could you please turn down the volume on the intro song? It's always very jarring when it goes from the cold open to the office theme song and then back to the normal volume. You have to play some like, some volume adjustment Olympics with your remote. So could you just pass that along to them for me? You mean when it's going, and now, you got bop, bop, bop. Yeah.

I know, I know. I don't have any pull in that. I wish I did, you know, I lobbied for my show. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Let's talk a little bit about your other career as a musician. It's crazy, you know, reading through how long you've been a musician, how much music

you put out in the world. And when you were a musician, when you started in the, you know, 1960s, late 1960s, what was it like, you know, starting around then when rock and roll and everything's coming up and you're in a scene that, you know, some of the folk scenes and Woodstock that you played Woodstock, but that kind of world, what was it like? I started playing, I played trumpet from a very young age and both sides of my family were musicians. My grandparents were semi-professional country and Western band.

I learned guitar, started playing guitar around 13 at 17. So I'm 77 now. So I've been playing professionally. I got my first gig playing with these older guys when I was 17 on lead guitar. I've been playing this, I've been playing for 60 years now, guitar. And so to answer your question, I played with several bands all the way through college over two years with this folk tree in Europe. And then when the grassroots happened, there we were, Mount Tambopias, Miami pop

festival, Devonshire Downs, which is arguably one of the biggest at 200,000 people at the time, at every rock band ever we had that time, Hendricks, everybody. It was the summer of love, of course, in the late 60s. It was amazing, guys. Yeah, absolutely amazing. We thought we were going to change the world for the better. We thought that the message of love and peace was going to be taken on by the establishment that we're going to stop fighting and that the world would not be Russia and America

and the different countries, but it would be the world, the planet. We'd all be saying this is ridiculous. Why fight? We need to be this earth. That's what we believed. And it still hasn't happened. But I'm still ones that would like to see that occur. I believe that's the only way we're going as human beings are going to exist if we

stop this fighting stuff. It's ridiculous. Do you think it was not enough people did acid back then to change the world? Absolutely. More drugs would have saved the world. Yes, yes, yes. I feel like acid needs to make a comeback right now. I've personally never done acid.

I'm not a drug guy, except if I'm overseas. But I feel like that's one drug that people take and usually like 90% of the time, they're like, yeah, I have a totally different perspective on life and it's better. Absolutely. I mean, I don't advocate drugs for any youth at all. But if they're, I certainly had some very, very profound and life changing. But I didn't go into it as an escape. I mean, I would need there was there was certainly cocaine and alcohol for that.

But but when I went when I wanted to do psychedelics, I was literally fast. I'd get myself in a headspace. I would meditate and I would go out by not in a city, but go out in the desert, go up the mountains and get by yourself and take it. And certainly grok nature, as Robert Heinlein said, stranger, strange land. You get that feeling of like one with the universe. Yes. Yes.

And it's it's the most benign feeling there is. Were you ever were you ever at some of the I know I read a book a while ago, the electric Kool-Aid acid test and, you know, the Grateful Dead. Were you ever in that scene or around that scene? Well, we when we played Mount Tamil Pius, everybody, the audience and the people on stage, everybody, there was on acid. There was there was just flowing or everybody was handing it out everywhere. It was just insane, just insane.

I don't know. I remember we were out in People's Park before a film or show. I think this is a famous story, but I'll tell it anyway. A girl comes up to Ricky and I, the drummer, and she's a little, you know, hippie, little tattoo to flower on a cheek and a little gingham dress. And she goes for you and she's got the little white squares with blue dots in them. And I'd read the Newsweek article. So I knew it was as it was, it was oddly, oddly, as it took it.

And to do the show, sort of hallucinating on stage. It was I'm not going to get into it right now, but yes, I was there. No, feel free to get into it. I mean, you just told the start of a great story. I'd like to hear more. All right, all right. So I popped the acid in. We get in the car and Ricky says, the drummer says, that was really nice. That girl, we should take the stuff after the show.

And what? Yeah. Too late then. Yeah. The stage we get there. We get into our cool rock and roll outfits and walk out on the stage. And also I'm looking like this and my hands. Are glowing. And there's like rainbow colors between the vortexes of my hand. And I'm also I go like this. There's this this etheric tappy to my hands.

And I'm playing, I'm playing, I'm God's concertina player. And I hear Bill Graham going, play, play. But it's more like, great, play, great, play. I go, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why. So I take the guitar and the start of it today is there, there, there, there, there, there. And I hit the notes and I look behind me at the speaker and out of the speaker on and so I'm listening to you now.

And there's the notes that I played on staff paper comes out of the speaker and that the notes fall off onto the floor and I go, oh, the poor notes. So I get down on my knees with a dust, an imaginary dustbin and a broom and I'm sweeping up the notes and trying to push the back into my amplifier. And I couldn't. I walked, I dropped my pants. Suck them out. Let that pony dance, gave it some air.

I heard that's a faced advertise and they were not happy. Bill Graham was certainly not happy. Had to come back the next week and make that show up. But that was the only time that I ever done anything like that on stage. And it was just something that wasn't planned. Right. It was it was just the spur of the moment because, again, acid was everywhere. Yeah. That getting back to your question again. What a life to to be in that whole scene and then be part of like one of the

funniest, most critically acclaimed shows of all time. Geez, you are you're creepy. You're creepy. Yeah, you're creepy. You made a lot of right. You made a lot of good decisions along the way to lead yourself to that one moment in time. I don't think I made them myself per se. I believe that I am intuitive, an intuitive person, not an intellectual person.

I'm always very, very tuned to the voice. You know, we all have the inner voice. Tell us this is the right way to go. Don't do this is the wrong way to go. Many, many times people just avoid it. We don't pay attention to it. I pay very close attention to it to be involved in an era like that. And in a seminal moment and like, you know, some would say rock history like that.

And then to also later on in life, now you're involved like a new generation gets to be introduced to you. You just seem like you are in the right place at the right time all the time. And that's actually good quality to have. I think that's a very it's an underestimated quality that some people have in life to just always find the songs in a good position. If I thought I was consciously doing that, I'd say thank you. That's exactly how I planned it.

But but I mean, obviously you what's what's all the there's all the. The commentary, the philosophy that you make, you make luck, you make your luck by hard work, hard work, makes your luck. And I certainly have not been a lazy guy. I was I've always written and stayed in shape and and when I was on Bernie Mac and I heard that the director came on was going to do the office. The flares went off, the little red lights went up. Boom, you got to do it.

And really, there's no joke. There was you've got to be on this show and I lobbied. I called him up and it got on that show, shot my own character, made it happen. There's no way they're always going to know that show. But I knew that this is someplace I had to be. And so, yes, OK, I'll take responsibility for that. Yes, following my my intuition. And now you also have we talk about this with guests all the time, how

they have like an even more of an afterlife from their careers with the gifts. And you have a couple that are great, that are always used on Twitter. The ride the bull one, the dark hair when you when you. Yeah, so you have a couple of those screenshots or gifts that basically will just live forever and people use all the time and become a cult classic. I I don't know what can you say? I'm I'm so lucky.

I'm just so lucky and and I I just hope I keep right making the right moves and don't fuck this up. You know, yeah, can you do a cartwheel? Fuck, you do a fucking cartwheel. Can you do one? No, of course I can. You can. Yeah, of course I can.

OK, all right. Well, that was your New Year's resolution or yeah, it was your New Year's resolution. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's that's the thing. People always yell at me from the audience. And you have to understand when I'm on stage playing my acoustic guitar. I and I know that if I don't get this out of the way, I'll be playing that song from the finale.

All the faces, a beautiful song at the end and people are going to a cartwheel. Both body, you know, which one's Pam? So I tell them early in the show, just to cream out all your creep stuff and get out of the way. Yeah, I do. And I say, OK, you're happy now. All right, now let's let's proceed with the show. Yes.

Do you think did you watch every episode of the office as it came out? No, I haven't seen them all. Actually, really, don't shoot me. Well, I'm writing. I read a lot of read a lot of books. I'm a racist reader. So I have any extra time I'm going to be reading, you know, or playing guitar or writing songs.

Give us some books. What are you reading right now? Yeah. Oh, gosh. What have I got right now up here? We're big readers. I read one book on a Alexi bit secondhand time. Oh, gosh, The Magic Mountain, Thomas Mann. Marcus Aurelius, well, that's my stoic philosophy.

I read that all the time. Yeah, that's that's the second gentleman. The stoic philosophy reference we've had in the show in the last week. That's incredible. Yes. I I've been for Eric Abel, my was my tour manager. Now he's my agent. We were we'd listed Tim Ferriss on the road and he had a guy in there and he started talking about stoic philosophy.

This is years ago now. I first started touring and I really really struck home to me. This is something, by the way, that I wish I had when I was your guys age. Stoic philosophy, because it's a grounding philosophy. It just gets rid of all the bullshit. And yeah, I now I read Seneca, Marcus Aurelius, Epic Titus, the big boys, you know, and it's it all. It never lets me down.

It's really good stuff. Out of the out of the episodes of the of the office that you have watched, what would be your top three cold openings best intros? Obviously, I loved when I got to be the manager. That's the selfish, you know, throw the keys to the to nobody. No, that's that's not my favorite. The one of my gosh, where we're all where we have this music playing, I'm playing guitar

and Kate Scott or the thing written on her belly and everyone's jumping up on that's that that was a one shot deal. That was that's pretty amazing. Oh, gosh, cold openings. I guess what about the scene where we're the do I do I fake fix the fire? That's not a yes. That's probably the go. That was probably the funniest damn thing ever.

Yes. And. Maybe I don't know. There's so many Steve Carell moments where he like prison, Mike, where he comes in the big outfit. Him and Amy Ryan are doing the dance and singing. Just we're just we're biting our cheeks. That's a laugh on that one.

Yeah. So good. All right. So Cree Bratton slightly altered his album is out now. Are you going to get do you think you're going to get back on tour anytime soon? Or what's what's the guys? Guys, I turned I had to cancel twice to go to Australia, New Zealand because of fires and then they said, you can come down,

but we'll have oxygen tanks by the side of the stage because there's someone smoking this place. No, that's OK. I need to breathe to sing. Thank you. Then now first the pandemic. And so now I'm planning to go back down in March. It may or may not happen.

And then in May, I want to go back to like tour last great tour Europe and England and Ireland this time. We'll see. I miss playing for the fans because obviously that's what I live for, is getting up on stage. Yeah. Well, my last question isn't even a question. I just want to say congratulations on the new dog, Iggy Pup.

Who you Iggy Pup? Iggy Pup. My friend Linda's dog dog. OK. She's my friend of mine, but I went over there a day to meet him and you saw that. Look, if you go close upon those little eyes, he is an old soul. He's the sweetest little guy. That's the acid kicking in Creed.

No, no, no. You start looking into dog's eyes and you're like, I've known. Have I met you before? Yeah. Well, he has. I haven't met him before because he's he's he's trying to become a human. Yeah. I'm going to look him up right now real quick.

I'm going to let me be the judge of this dog's eyes. Creed is on his Instagram. Yeah. Iggy Pup. OK. Creed Braden. It's on my Instagram. Also, by the way, we do agree that's that's the cutest dog that is very cute. Doug, we do we do Mount Rushmore when when sports aren't going on in on this show. And we did Mount Rushmore office characters in Hank, our producer picked you with his

first round pick. Mm hmm. Crazy. You hate crazy. He's the biggest fan. You deserve it. I agree. This dog does have an old soul.

This dog is looking at me like it's seen some shit. Yeah. It sees me. It looks right through you, right? Yeah. Yeah. It's yeah. It's you know what? It's judging me.

And it's a little doggy. That's a grounded dog. Yes. Well, thank you so much. Everyone go out and get Creed's new album. Slightly altered. Thank you so much. Really appreciate this.

Hey, guys, thanks. I've enjoyed talking with both of you. It was fun. Yeah. Hope to see you when you come to New York on your next tour sometime, too. Oh, last time when Sarah played the Highline Ballroom. That was my second time there. It had a great show, but it's closed now, I believe.

I think they closed the Highline, unfortunately. But well, I'll find another venue to play when I can play. When you come back to New York, I will be there. See you, Creed. That interview with Creed Bratton was brought to you by Zip Recruiter. If you're a business owner, you've got a lot on your plate. And that's why you should let Zip Recruiter handle all your recruiting. Zip Recruiter does the work for you.

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It works at ziprecruiter.com slash PMT, that's ziprecruiter.com slash PMT. OK, let's get some segments. Let's do our Mount Rushmore. We're going to do it. Mount Rushmore of things that happened since quarantine started. Since sports were gone, because sports are going to be back. By Friday, we're already going to have sports back. So we figured we would do this.

It's basically the, oh my god, that happened in the last four months. Mount Rushmore. I just came up with a terrible poem. Would you like to hear it? Sure. It was the night before sports, again, and all through the house. We were waiting the first pitch from the good Dr. Fouch. Ooh, nice.

That's right, boom. You should tweet that. Should I? Yeah. No, that's not going to do what. Billy, you tweet that. Yeah, Billy, you tweet it and see. But Billy, you have to wait until tomorrow to tweet it out,

because it's not sports Eve yet. Yes. All right, should we do it? Hank, you want to start? So this is the Mount Rushmore of things that happened since sports were canceled. And then Billy's going to do a bonus Mount Rushmore, Mount Rushmore of soy based products.

Not a soy boy. Not because he's a soy boy. He's a soy man. It's just that he knows them in and out soy based products. This is a two for the people to start. Wait, what? Well, it's kind of simultaneous. Hold on.

It's not a snake draft, not snake snake draft. You can't do two to start. We're trying to do a two headed snake draft. Oh, two? But it's two. No, that's not fair. All right, so you've got to pick one. Say your first, and then we'll determine whether or not

you get to say a second. Gronk signed with the Bucks. That's one. OK, you were going to say Tom Brady signed with. No, no, I know what he's going to say. But I have that too. And that shouldn't be a two for. All right, fine.

OK, PFC your first pick. Easy first pick. That's going to go with Tiger King. Tiger King, remember that? We got the painting up there from Chilling with Shells. OK, all right, I'll go easy first pick off of that. Remember Tiger King. Because like a month ago, it was like remember

how long ago Tiger King was? Yeah, no, that was a long time ago too. That absolutely counts. It does count. I don't know. That absolutely counts. But I think it counts. That absolutely counts.

We've been doing remember Tiger King for so long. That's what the Mount Rushmore is. But you can remember. What the Mount Rushmore is. Remember. Fine, you don't want to cut. No, no, no, no. No, no, no.

You said it, you said it. What'd you say? You can't say it back to one. No, I know. We should say it again. All right, fine. Go ahead. Your pick.

Your first two picks. My first two picks. So many people have been being like remember Tiger King. That is now old. Like the remember Tiger King people have been doing that for fucking two months now. I know what you're saying. Tiger King was four months ago.

I'm going to allow it as a pick. I'm not saying it's a great pick. Hey, why are you giving me that fucking face? Give me the face again. I can do the real one. Hey, I've got one. And now explain the face. I've got one from an ex-pick.

Remember, remember, remember Tiger King? Yeah. OK, you can do that. That's fine. There has been so much time that has elapsed that doing remember Tiger King tweets have now expired. That's literally how long it's been. There was a whole fucking month where people would be like,

dude, remember Tiger King? But it's still a thing that happened in quarantine. I understand, and I'm saying. I think it's more than worthy of my top pick, if not the one overall. I'm saying I'm remembering how we did a whole month of remembering Tiger King, which was stupid in itself. I just want to use that as like my fourth pick for you.

That's fine. Soy milk. Soy milk. Are you saying that you are milk in Spanish? What is soy? Who knows? It's a legume, I think. No one knows.

All right, go ahead, number two. Tofu. OK, good one. Gross. All right, my second one will be, wait, what did you pick? Gronk? I'll do Tom Brady the Bucks. Yeah, that's fine.

Tom Brady the Bucks. Yeah, I know what your other one was. Then why didn't you do it? Because I think Tom Brady the Bucks was even longer and like, holy shit, that happened before sports canceled or after sports were canceled. All right. OK.

I mean, you're going to say Lee, we're retiring. Do you remember that? You can take that. You can have my good dog. That wasn't it. Yes, it was. Yeah, it was. My second one is going to be Earl Thomas's entanglement.

Remember that? Remember that? That was like a few months. That was a wild fucking story. Yeah. His incest entanglement with his brother. Was that before sports were canceled? I mean, after sports were canceled?

Yes, that was absolutely. OK. I mean, yeah, time doesn't exist anymore. Time doesn't exist anymore. All right, Hank. Zoom happy hours. Remember when people tried to try to make that a thing? Everyone acted like, oh, we don't see our friends,

so let's do a happy hour on Zoom. And then that like, and then I think people did it for like a week or two. Everyone realized it sucked. Yeah. The novelty of being like, oh, hey, look at us. We're drinking alcohol using software that we normally use at work.

That we're off. This is almost as cool as the bar. Hey, y'all slack-sexed me real quick. Yeah. And then my next one will be murder hornets. You were retiring? Oh. What was it?

Murder hornets? Murder hornets. I'm fucking terrified. They're so scary. They're all here. A lot of shit I don't remember. OK, that's good. That's a good pick.

I forgot about that. Thanks. Yeah. No problem. My next one is going to be just the NFL Draft. You guys remember the NFL Draft? Yeah. Remember Roger Goodell getting fucked up in his man cave?

Yep. Yep. Taking off, doing like a strip draft. Or by the end of it, he was just like basically wearing a G-string and crushing like 1,000 M&Ms in a handful. As a preeminent football podcast, we cannot let Roger Goodell back out of his man cave donation thing.

Because Dave, someone has to do it. Yeah, so Marlon's man. Marlon's man's got to step up. They can't just forget about that. Did they cancel the entire thing? Well, Marlon's man said he was in second place, and then he hasn't come forward and said he won. So they can't just be like, oh, Dave, you're canceled.

Can you text Marlon's man and find out if they've reached out to him? Sure. Because that would be a breaking news on our part. Good one. I'll go with it. I'll go with it. We talked about it at the beginning of the show.

Wood memes, when they were just, that was all anyone could text for about a week and a half. That was more than that. It was probably three weeks. Just that dude's big fucking cock. Every fucking text you opened, every link you clicked on. And everyone has that one friend who held on for a little too long.

When, yeah, the one friend that started making their own wood memes? Yeah, but then they like, I'm not going to, he's a friend of mine, so I'm not going to say his name. But I have a friend, well, no one knows him. I have a friend in Chicago who I think, as of like three days ago, still sent me one. Yeah.

And it's like, it's tough to have that conversation being like, dude, it's been over, stop. I'm trying to remember when I got my last wood meme. I believe it was, it was probably over a month ago, which I feel like that's the acceptable time. My problem was, if you're still sending wood memes in July, then you have an issue. Then you're making your own at home.

You've got your own set up where you've got, you purchased a Photoshop subscription just to Photoshop this guy's cock onto things. Yes. I had a group text where I was sending a lot of the ones that you guys were sending, because I thought they were funny. And then that basically brought them into the fold, and then now they're still going with it.

So I feel partly responsible, because it's like, I brought you guys into this world, and you haven't picked up on the fact that. It's a good over. So then their clock started behind everybody else, so it's still going strong. Hank, do you think that they think that you invented the wood memes because you introduced them?

Probably. Potentially, yeah. I mean, not big internet guys, so they're just like, why do you keep sending this guy's big ass dick? You should start doing, you should start predicting things. This year, I guarantee you that Mark Zuckerberg will have a big ass. And then in six months, be like, look at this picture.

Billy, your last two soy-based products, but you're not a soy boy. Safritas? OK. That's poli? Yeah, that's good. That should be number one. And an amame.

Ooh. OK. You don't have soy sauce on your list. That's kind of weird. Soy sauce is delicious. Too obvious. Yeah, OK. All right, my last pick will be The Last Dance.

And being like, oh, yeah, The Last Dance. Like, this is coming out the perfect time. It will get us to the end of quarantine. And then that was like, what, two months ago? It's now on on Netflix. Oh, wait, I had two. I only did one the last time around. You probably should have thought of that.

That's on you. That's on you. That's on you. Don't worry, you can do Leeward Retiring. Yeah, you can do your last three. I was never going to do that. At the end of the year. OK.

All right, your last dance. I actually think that The Last Dance was our first sports or back on this entire thing. But do you remember the feeling? After like two days. Oh, thank god. We have six weeks of this. It will totally get us to the finish line.

It was honestly like two or three weeks after quarantine started, and we're like, we're done. Yeah. The Last Dance brought sports back. This is great. All right. Your last pick, PFT. My last one is going to be the celebrity imagined

video with Gal Gadot and all the celebrities in their houses. That was going to get us through this, through the power of song. Yep. It was so ridiculous. I miss laughing at that. Now it's like that. That was actually kind of sweet with the rest of it.

Yeah, nice try, guys. All right, Pink, you have three to finish. No, two to finish. Two to finish. Outer banks. Yep. And then the novelty of our sweet boy Billy coming back in the fold.

Everyone was like, oh, we miss Billy football. Where's Billy? Oh, my god, Billy's back. Fuck this kid. I actually think that Billy's been doing a great job this week. No, he's not. But when he came back, it was like, oh, my god, Billy's back. Finally.

If Billy was $100 stock when he came back, he went down to a penny. But now he's back to $65. But to be fair, he went down because of mismanagement. Right. Because of gross incompetence at the executive level. We were the Juke and Coffee guys. Yes.

We were just fucking, remember that? Yeah. We were Wolf of Wall Street, Billy. We dragged him down to penny stocks so we could then buy shares of him, jack it back up. Everyone's going to be like, Billy's incredible. I'll be like, yeah, we told you. Yeah.

But Billy, you've been doing great recently. And I do mean it when I say that we did not set you up well. So I accept our apologies. Yes. I feel like you guys are just being nice to me. No, no, no, we love you. Dead serious. We love you.

No shoes still fucking suck though. They're terrible. They're awful. We missed a few. Love is Blind. Yep. Love is Blind is up there. Remember when, oh, Lee Roy retiring.

What are you going to say, Hank? I did five. I thought I did. You did five? All right, put five on there for Hank. Make sure you put five. Oh, so you want to do the, we'll do our fifth. Yeah, so we should get a fifth one.

All right, you go ahead. OK, so this fifth. You can do love, like you can pick either one. Love is Blind was on my list. But I feel like that's cheating since we've already said it out loud. So I won't say it. Instead, I will go with Lee Roy retiring.

Lee Roy retiring. There we go. You have to do a fifth too, Billy. Can I do like a real one? No. Yes. But let me do mine first. OK.

My fifth is when Jay Glazer held the world hostage for 24 hours, thinking he was going to break the biggest news ever, and then just told us a guy got coronavirus. That ended up like. But he was fine. Hundreds of thousands of, I think millions. Yeah, millions of people have had coronavirus. And he was like big news coming tomorrow.

That was a long time ago. Panic buying. Oh, yeah, I bought a lot of junk. I can't spinach for like a month. I had. Oh, you're talking about that. Yes, that too. I was I was thinking more like I bought a trumpet.

I bought like a stair master that was like only like this big. I got a sun lamp. I bought this thing. This this I never I was too embarrassed to even use it. It's a thing you wear around your neck and it's like a big rubber ball and you chew it and it's supposed to make your jaw line better. So it's like a thymaster for your mouth. It's it's like a fucking ball gag.

You just bought a ball. Yeah, right. Pretty much I saw. I thought I open it. I was like, there's a lot of good deals on the size. I open it. I was like, I'm not going to fucking do this. This is insane.

So it's basically like synthetic chewing gum. Yes. Yes, chew toy. You're basically like a dog. And I was like, this is insane. It's too far. Actually, great idea. Yeah.

You never used it. No, I didn't. I didn't. Can I use it? I think I in the move it got lost. I can show my jaw line could use a little bit of work. I could point you in the right direction. OK.

We also had push up challenges. Yeah, we're going to get in shape. Oh, we're going to get we're going to get in shape. People also are closely related to the this is only going to last two to three weeks, people. Mm hmm. What about? Remember freaking out when oil hits zero?

Yeah, everyone was worried about that for some reason. And we all pretended to know what that meant. Yeah, it means that everyone's going to have to store oil in their backyard until the government allows you to release. Remember when Duke withdrew from the NCAA tournament before they cancel the NCAA tournament? You remember when Britney Spears burnt down her gym? Yep.

Yep. Because she ran too fast. Yep. So yeah, there's been a lot of things that have happened. Harrison Ford got into another plane crash. He did. Yeah. That's how you can measure time, actually, is how many Harrison Ford

aviation incidents have taken place. By the way, the Earl Thomas thing I looked up, guess what date it was? May 1st. It was May 7th. Yeah. I would have guessed that it was like April. I would have said it was like March, early April, being like that was borderline when sports were canceled.

Marlins Man said no, they would not let me. Breaking news. Wow, Roger Goodell breaking money. How much money did he bid? Dave, bed like 250 grand. So that would mean Marlins Man probably bid about 150,000. There are 200. That Goodell is not accepting for children.

It's fucked up. Hates the kids. This needs to be more of a story. It is. Well, let's let's raise the awareness level right now in America. Never forget that Roger Goodell elected to starve children instead of accepting money from Marlins Man. Sad, very, very sad.

All right, let's finish up with guys. That was a great Mount Rushmore, guys, and sports are back now. But this is they'll write a history book. We should just write that. We should do another coloring book. Oh, we have. Remember, we should do a coloring book of coronavirus of stuff that happened during the quarantine.

They just have the big dick in every picture. Hmm. Just different woods. Where's wood? Yeah, we're always would. Where's a pop up? Oh, yeah, it could be like six books in one. It could be a coloring book, where's wood.

And then the last page, you just open up and it's three dimensional. Just his cock. Mm hmm. I like that. All right, we're going to do that. Not. But yeah, no, we're definitely not. We're going to talk about it. We just talk about it now.

Someone might make it and then we can maybe sell it. Hey, guys, we just keep tricks like homework. Remember this one? Can you do this for a bike riding around Manhattan? Oh, yeah. Now, to be fair, that was something that we were playing. Once the weather gets nice, once the weather gets nice, we'll do. Well, no, now it's too hot.

Yeah, now it's too hot. To be fair, in my five Fridays in a row, but I got a new one already. It was downpouring, so we couldn't do it. And then it just became one of those things where if you if you cancel a plan in good faith enough times, yeah, you just kind of doesn't have people just kind of let you slide. I am down to do it now that I have an electric bike and don't actually have the bike, a motorcycle, it's pretty much going to get a leather jacket.

It's a motorcycle. I will revel scooter around Manhattan. OK, hey, guys, on checks. Hey, guys, my boyfriend and I got in a big fight recently because I only wear sunglasses on my head, never on my face, even when it's sunny. I just don't feel comfortable or confident wearing them. So I only use them to keep my hair back. Is that not normal?

We only on your head. Yes, I've actually considered getting a second pair just so I can do the same thing. Yeah, I mean, you're in a unique situation. That's so that's weird, though. Like, who doesn't like wearing sunglasses? I don't like wearing sunglasses. Really? Yeah. In the summertime. I mean, I just don't have a good face for sunglasses.

That's just just something I think everyone has a good face. The whole point of sunglasses is that you can make a really stupid face look better. No, you're just wearing the wrong sunglasses. Trust me, shady rays. I've I've even been wearing are great. They're great. They look great on everyone. Are they? You don't like wearing. I look like bug eyes here.

I think what you should do is you should get the flip up sunglasses like outfielders wear the best ones are the ones I got for Great Week that looked like I was like a porn director. That I got as a joke, but they kind of look good. Those weren't some those made you were not even close to sunglasses. You look good. You look awesome. Hank, you look like you could rob a bank. Any rays makes you look sick.

You look like a California teenager. You look so good. Hey, wait, what's up? CFB Hall of Fame, six three PFT in Chonk. Chankless, Hank. I think that's supposed to be chineless, but you spelled the wrong. I realize what Hank doesn't look like like a wildlife photographer for Shark Week.

Yeah, on a boat somewhere. Yeah, you should actually do an entire series where you like go fishing. Honk with my bare hands. I do. Everyone tweets me videos every day of people catching fish with their bare hands. I've never been more proven right. Everyone tweets me every day. Literally long, long, long time. AWL and Toledo resident here wondering if there was any plans for Coach

Doug for accepting the key to the city. I know this may not happen anytime soon due to the encouragement of social distancing, but once life starts returning back to normal, I know that the four one nine would love to have you guys. Is this is this guy's on chicks? Well, it was in the text line and I was actually curious myself. OK, yes, we're going to do it. I've spoken with Jason Candle, who's a friend of ours.

We saw him on a great week a couple of years ago. We are absolutely going to go to Toledo once the real world comes back. Hope it's probably be next year. We'll get a key to the city and we've had preliminary discussion actually just amongst ourselves of PFT, possibly enrolling and kicking. Yeah, it has been this we actually haven't asked anyone if we can do it. We've just talked about it ourselves, which counts. I got to get tape out there somehow.

I'm sure your eligibility. Yeah, you do. Yeah, you want to play for, you know, I'm giving scholars away years of eligibility. Dude, I'm giving scholars away. How much does it cost to enroll at the University of Toledo for out of state people? Because I was thinking about doing one that's closer, but all private schools are like for us dollars a year. And there's like it's on the arm for us. It's free.

Hey, guys, my key to the city, you don't think the key to the city opens up free tuition, open up the weight room. Yeah, I won't go to class. Hey, guys, my boyfriend likes to refer to my butt as an absolute dump truck, except that it's not. It's an average, if not kind of small, but should I be insulted when it says because it's sarcastic or is he trying to give me a compliment? No, I think guys just look at any but and they're like, wow, that's a huge but.

You know, how can I how can I compare this body to some type of big machinery? Yeah. Do you remember at the start? I think it was at the start of Charlie's Angels. Who could forget? But Cameron Diaz like danced in the mirror to I like big butts. And she has like a negative butt. She's got Hank Hill but you in the real truth here is that your boyfriend just doesn't know what a dump truck but looks like.

Don't be the one to break it to him. Let him just think that you got the dump truck. It's actually the highest compliment that you can give as a male to compare something to like machinery you thought was kick ass when you were six years old. And this also just means that he's not on Instagram. So good. That's good as well. Like he's just not looking at dump trucks on Instagram. We should actually not on perfect.

We should create Billy, create an Instagram account for us. I want it to be dump trucks. So it's just one ass picture next to an actual dump truck. OK. Or let's go. Or it could be dump trucks and the picture. The avatar is just a big ass in a swimsuit. But then all the pictures are just different heavy machinery. And then you just DM people and see how many followers you can get.

Or we could get actual models to pose in front of heavy machinery. That would be cool. Check out this back. There's a lot of things we can do with the dump truck. Instagram. Nice. OK. Dear PMT. I'm embarrassed to say this even though it's anonymous. My boyfriend is really a cereal bread eater. I love bread. Don't get me wrong. I'm not one of those gluten free girls, but he eats it with every meal.

Literally. He eats burgers and hot dogs just like anyone else. But what started to worry me after seven months of dating and getting normalized to his daily routine was the cereal. He dips the bread in cereal. His main choice is wonder bread and it absolutely disgusts me. Not the bread of choice, but the bread being dunked into the cereal. He uses it as a scoop. And when I tell him it's gross, he says it's just like a spoon.

It's true. I really don't know how to get him to stop. Or if I should get him to stop. What do I do? I think you just let the man live his life. Everyone's got a thing. Everyone's got a thing. If I used to crush two two two buns with a hot dog, like a chaser bun. If that's the weirdest thing about him, then you're doing really well. Yeah, I also this is one of those things where he is.

I don't know how he grew up, but I'm sure that there was just bread all the time. And he thinks that everyone else just eats bread all the time. And another one might be another case where he is probably not on Instagram looking at like how to stay lean like RX lean muscle. He's just fucking pounding carbs. Yeah, at least, you know, he's not a celiac. Yeah, his shits are probably wonderful if he can handle all that bread. I like this. This guy is just living in not twenty twenty.

He's living in like nineteen eighty two. Here's what you do. Suggest that you guys go on a gluten free diet together and just see how long it takes for him to dump you. I'm at a weird point in my relationship with this guy and I don't quite know how to label us. Regardless, we've been off and on for a year and a half despite living in different cities.

We've definitely gotten close during the pandemic, especially since I've moved back home to my parents' house four months ago. I need help. What the fuck do I buy him for his birthday? I don't want to scream a relationship, but I also don't want to be a dick and just buy him a birthday card. Cash. I think we've said that before. Cash all the time. Give him just give him a fat stack of fives.

Everyone wants cash always. Cash is the greatest gift anyone can ever get. Cash is king. If you give him a hundred dollars worth of five dollar bills, that's actually the best present I think I could ever get. I would rather have a hundred dollars worth of fives than just get like six twenty dollar bills. Yes, it's it's like the scene from Donnie Brasco when

when Al Pacino and fuck Johnny Depp. Is it Johnny Depp? Yeah, no, it is Johnny Depp. He's canceled, though. And they they at Christmas, they exchange cards and they both have cash in them. And then when Johnny Depp is walking out, Al Pacino is like, Hey, can I can I get a few few dollars off you? I need to lend some money or like loan some money to me.

And then he just takes his card back. He takes his 10 percent right immediately. No, he takes his whole card back. So he just ends up with all the money. Just give him, you know, it would actually be sweet. I wish I had gotten this president at some point. Just a suitcase filled with ones. And maybe you handcuff it to him and be like,

Don't open this until you get home. That'd just be sick. Hey, guys, what outfit would each of you wear if you were girls? I don't know. Oh, PFT. I don't know. Like, that's just Google it. You talk about like something that's never going to happen. I think tube tops for my breasts for my breast size.

Tube tops, tube tops. Yeah, you you would make a tube top pop. I would like the the new trend. It seems like girls are just wearing handkerchiefs or as tops. That seems kind of fun. I would wear a dress. I would wear a dress. I would wear a dress.

I would if I was a woman, I would wear a dress and only if I was a woman. Yoga pants. Last one, Dear Vacation Honk. My boyfriend always asked me, are you mad at me? He has really bad anxiety and he always needs to make sure. But I was so sick of him asking. Start to interrupt, Hank.

But I was actually thinking about this this weekend. I didn't want to forget. Somebody just needs to invent. If you slap like a like an under armor logo onto a kilt or onto just like any sort of nice, flowy, like long skirt, you can make a dude wear anything. He's like, this is a sport performance kilt. Yes, a guy will wear a dress.

It's a golfing kilt. I'm going to be honest, rompers are actually like. There you go, Billy. Like if you remember male rompers, I wore one of those ones. You did? Yeah, they sent us a bunch. The romp hymns. Yeah, the romp hymns. My invest.

My balls are too. My well, my dick is too small. My balls are when you got to get into lace shorts, PFT. Yeah, I remember that. That does not long ago because the shirts are still in the pile. Somebody sent me dress. Somebody sent me lace shorts. Right.

I think you asked him to. Yeah, Amazon sent you lace shorts. I think it was the same place you got your ball gag from. Last one. So my boyfriend always asks, are you mad at me? He has really bad anxiety and he always needs to make sure. But I am so sick of him asking when I'm not mad. What should I do to get him stop asking?

This is starting to become a deal breaker. This is like a reverse. This is like a just say yes, just be mad at him one time. Yeah, be like, yes, because you asked me if I'm mad and that's really pissing me off. Right. I actually know why she's got a resting face. Oh, I don't like that.

Billy, that's really misogynistic. Really misogynistic. You're going to cancel for that. Billy, so if you were to just sit around. Billy, do you think she should smile more, Billy? No, I just do. That's why she thinks you're mad all the time. Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na.

Hey, hey, hey, Billy's cancelled. I cancelled on that. You got one last monologue though. Yeah, you got one last monologue before you officially cancelled. Love you guys. Well, thank you guys for having me while sports were gone. I think I'm going to go back to where I came from and now sports are here. Just want you to remember how fun it was to not talk about sports

and just maybe take a break. It really wasn't. I don't know what I'm saying. But anyway, if you're having a bad time, you might just want to climb a mountain and look around. See the stars really tell them that you're not actually leaving show. I I'm not really sure. Oh, it's not leaving. He is canceled. Yes, you're canceled, but I'm you can apply for reinstatement.

I'll reply to a council of Amy Schumer, Ellen DeGeneres, dressed on that show, Jada Smith and the red table. Megan McCain. Yeah. They're the council. Also, please DM me if you want to buy Vanny on Twitter. That really hot takes because I need to sell this van. It runs actually really well. Took a very spin three days ago. What?

Yeah. It's part of my take presented by Barstool Sports.