Pardon My Take - Cris Collinsworth, Sports Are Back (This Week) And Zuckerberg's Ass Implants

Episode Date: July 20, 2020

Sports are officially back (this week) and we're so fucking happy. (2:26-4:40) NFL has to figure their shit out and Bryson DeChambleu is now a Triple B. (4:42-11:20) Who's back of the week including Z...ac Efron's "dad bod" and true love. (13:10-24:40) Cris Collinsworth joins the show to talk about the slide in, working with Al Michaels, PFF and how he grades players and what the 2020 NFL season will look like. (26:27-1:25:57) Segments include as a straight guy, (1:29:57-1:32:09) stay woke on Zuckerberg's fake ass, (1:32:10-1:36:21) and my personal opinion. (1:36:24-1:38:05)You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, pardon my take listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music. On today's Pardon My Take, we have Chris Collinsworth on the show. Long discussion with him. Football is coming back. We talk about his broadcasting career, his career with pro football focus, how they judge players, what's going to happen in the 2020 season. Awesome conversation. Long time guy that we wanted to have on the show. Of course, we get a lot of answers on the slide. We have who's back of the week. We have sports week. Sports are coming back this week. We have Mark Zuckerberg's Stay Woke. I think he has a fake ass. Yeah, we're going to talk about that.
Starting point is 00:00:43 We have the defense that we have never seen before, new in legal world. I don't even know if they teach this in the law schools. As a straight guy, Jeremy Ronick's new legal defense for being fired from NBC and a lot, lot more before we get to all of that. Pardon My Take is brought to you by the Cash App. Not only is it the easiest place to send money to your friends, it's the safest. It's the only app I use when I'm trying to send money to and fro. The Cash App is the best way to go. You don't have to be face-to-face. You can link it directly to your bank account and the Cash App is everywhere. It's on Twitch. It's on Instagram. It's on Twitter. It's on Bubble Wallace's race car. Check that out. Of course, when you download the Cash App, enter the referral code
Starting point is 00:01:30 barstool. You'll receive $10, $10 that you can go buy yourself a couple beers, social distancing beers. You can buy yourself maybe a mask to put on. Yeah, I said it. You put on a mask. Do it all with the Cash App. The Cash App will also send $10 to ASPCA helping families. Download the Cash App from the App Store, Google Play Store today and get involved with the Cash App, our favorite app in the entire world. Okay, let's go. Welcome to part of my take presented by the Cash App. Go download it right now. Use code barstool. You get $10 for free. $10 to ASPCA. Today is Monday, July 20th, and sports are back, baby. This week. This week. We've made it. It's sports week. It's sports week right now. It's been the longest,
Starting point is 00:02:59 what, four and a half months of all time? Yes. You're smashing a computer over here. You're so jittery to get back to betting on sports. I'm so excited. I also just had the moment that it feels you know the stupid tweets we've seen the last four months nature is healing and nature isn't healing but nature truly is healing now that sports are back because I tweeted out a picture of Wrigley because the Cubs are playing the socks right now and someone replied and said fuck the socks fans and someone replied back to him and said fuck you and someone replied back to him and said you wish sports are back. That's the type of energy we need on Twitter. I got a small taste that last week. I was going to the Redskins Reddit to see if I could get out ahead of whatever the
Starting point is 00:03:42 story was going to be and the first like five posts on there were all from like fans of different franchises saying hey Bill's fan here coming in peace and just reading that as a preview from like a Bill's fan, a Cowboys fan, a Niners fan. Oh, so good. A little bit of normalcy is great. I'm so ready to not care about serious shit anymore and just getting back to caring like caring way way too much about dumb shit. That's that's our right as Americans. It's our duty as Americans to do that. I'm very very excited to get back to it. By the way apologies to MLS and Golf. You have been back whatever. That was Talking Soccer. Yeah Talking Soccer and also Golf is really back now because we had a rules violation that everyone got mad about and your
Starting point is 00:04:24 best friend Mike Greenberg was at the front of it being like I saw the ball move from sitting on my couch. So he was very upset, but it feels like sports are back. Did Mike call it in? No, I don't think they I think they got away with I think they got rid of that. Oh, that's right. Yeah, the USGA got rid of the station line. They migrated. So he's just switching on that now moved over to work for the NBA. Speaking of golf violations that that Bryson went on Friday was was all time. It was awesome dude. So can I can we nominate him? He's like he's the now the number one triple B. I think he's a sports baby back bitch of the year. Oh my god. The fact that he now has his caddy blocking camera guys to and it was a very relatable moment
Starting point is 00:05:03 when he's counting his shots. Every single person who's ever golfed has been in that moment. They're like fuck. Oh yeah, there was all right there were two by the tree and then fuck. Oh, I've had too many beer. I don't know what what shot I'm on, but then he kept hitting the same shot out of bounds. Just let that be relatable. Just be a regular dude. He goes over the ball. He's like, are you sure my ball is out of bounds? The rules officials like unfortunately Bryson. Yes, he goes, I don't believe you. Let's get another rules official. And the second guy comes over is like, yeah, Bryson is definitely out of bounds. He hit it on the other side of the fence without a doubt. And then he just started like, listen, I think that history is going to vindicate
Starting point is 00:05:37 our Bryson takes sooner rather than later. This is a classic Royd rage type. If I'm on a witch hunt, he's Royd raging out there. Stinks big time. He looked like like a fucking gorilla trying to find an acorn in a cornfield when he was looking for his ball. And he was just like he was just pacing back and forth, getting so angry and looking like a big loser. Meanwhile, because he hit that 10, our boy Brooks made the cut, made the cut. And I'm not going to say, you know, Brooks would never, ever make an excuse ever because he's just a standup guy. He's not like Bryson, D sham, blue, uh, deep Bryson, D sham, baby back, bitch, D sham, boo, who? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Bryson, D sham. I blew it more like Dyson to Shambo. You read that one. You had that one written down.
Starting point is 00:06:21 No, I don't want to swear to God. Dyson. I don't have Dyson. Okay. Uh, so Brooks, I think his knees still hurt. Again, I'm not going to make, he's, he would never say it, but I'm just going to say it for him. I think his knees still hurt. So that's probably why he hasn't been that great. Well, let me check in on this. Was this a major? Uh, no. Okay, then who cares? Well, then we're still the sixth major. We're still, this is the seventh major. It was the, yeah, it was the sixth major. So it counts. Yeah. But yeah, John, Ron, uh, good job winning by so much that a two-point penalty doesn't give you the loss. So good for that. Sports are back, feels good. Uh, baseball on Thursday, exhibition games in the NBA. And then of course we have
Starting point is 00:07:02 all this good news and it feels like we got positive momentum. And then the NFL is just going to fuck everything up by, uh, we mentioned on Friday using our brains to say, we got time. We have nothing but time. And now all of a sudden you have the Texans and who, what are the Texas and the chiefs? Texas and the chiefs cause they play, they're supposed to play a Thursday night game to open the season so they can open their training camp earlier than everyone else. And they can also invite rookies a week earlier than training camps open. And now everyone's like, Hey, do we have a plan? Uh, no, we don't. Okay. Well, we're fine. It seems like this was the last weekend for them to get their shit together. Like if they don't have a plan in place
Starting point is 00:07:44 by Monday, that's going to set into effect. This big domino situation where the entire season might get delayed at that point. And you're right. Roger Goodell treated this off season. Like, do you remember having summer reading when you had to like have a book report due on the first day back in school? And you're like, fuck it. I got two and a half months to take care of this thing. And then all of a sudden it's a Labor Day weekend and you haven't read the book at all. And then you got to like go on spark notes and try to just read the summary and write a real quick bullshit report. You don't even have to do an analogy from like 25 years ago. Hank was literally doing his taxes on Friday on the show. That's true. Yeah. So like that's, that's what
Starting point is 00:08:20 we're working with. Our brains are leading the NFL. Roger Goodell just filed for an extension on the testing plan. We are, we do it all the time. We are king procrastinators and the NFL, we were hoping that some adult would be like, Hey, let's get on this. Instead, I was reading something today. They don't have anything figured out. It feels like not only talking about the health protocols, like testing how often they're going to test all these things. They have to figure out the money side to where that seems like it's probably going to be the harder thing to figure out is splitting up the cap and like how much to put off to next year. Guaranteeing money for guys to show like, because obviously players are saying to the NFL, if we show up day one,
Starting point is 00:09:02 we want something because we could show up, get sick or show up, do training camp for a month and then have the season canceled and get no dollars. How does that make sense? So it, I mean, they're trying the coordinated where you saw all the tweets where everyone's like, we want to play. That was very funny. Yeah. I mean, they were taking the page out of the baseball's handbook. Every player was just like tweeting at Roger Goodell. Like Roger does opening up his phone and just like refreshing. Be like, Oh, fuck, I just got added by my homes. DK Metcalf Russell Wilson. Oh, fuck. Russell Wilson's wife is pregnant with futures kid. What am I going to do about all this? It probably actually wasn't Roger Goodell. His wife checking his Twitter. Well,
Starting point is 00:09:39 his wife on her burner. Right. Being like, I got a lot of people I have to say, you're playing a children's sport. Just shut up and get there and be happy. Yeah. Millions are out of work. God, I would love to see her burner account right now. Yeah, it's it's popping. It's popping. So I don't know. I let's not do the negative today. Let's do the positive. Chris Collinsworth will tell us on a scale of eight to 10. Yeah, sports are definitely coming back. Football is absolutely coming back. We have Chris Collinsworth coming up. Awesome interview with him. Anything else from the weekend that we had to touch on before we get to who's back seemed like Billy put together a nice little packet for us. Yes. Trevor Lawrence got engaged. Trevor Lawrence got engaged. Just say
Starting point is 00:10:23 nothing about being like a future NFL superstar, but just getting engaged when you're a senior in college is dumb as shit. Yeah, but he did it on the yard line. That's kind of cool. Question making. Yeah. I wonder if he touched the rock before. Well, he's touching a rock as he's on a knee. Giving it to giving it to her. That's a yeah. Yeah, that's about it there. That's Billy. It looks like they took the picture at seven o'clock in the evening. That's good decision making. Nice little glow up there. Yeah, we had some baseball games. We had Stu Feiner in the front row, which was hilarious. The baseball fan cutouts. I really want to buy baseball fan cutouts, but I want to make them be dude perfect and give them all cold sores. That would be that would be
Starting point is 00:11:02 sick. Or, you know, who else had a cold sore? Okay. Let's get let's do our who's back week. Shout out Billy, by the way, because Billy, we had the talk on Friday show. He has shown up. He is ready to go. He's got his marching orders. We're going to make a man out of this boy and it's positive vibes only with Billy. We'll tell you when you can start saying soy boy again. You cannot until he starts acting like a soy boy, but right now he's acting like a soy man, soy man. Yeah. All right. Before we get to who's back, uh, our friends at whoop whoop is a fitness wearable that provides you daily insights on the performance of your sleep, how recovered your body is and how much exertion you put on your body, whether you're looking to lose a few pounds, training for an
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Starting point is 00:12:29 See if your friend is in the red and struggling from a weekend or going out or if they're in the green and about to invite you to a workout. There are only a couple of weeks left in the beat Billy football competition, but it's still not too late to join Barstool team and finish strong for your chance to win $250 a PMT merch. I love using my whoop. It tells you every single morning how rested you are, whether you're ready to go, whether you need a day off. It is your personalized trainer in tune with your body. You need it. I actually am averaging like 17 wakeups in the middle of the night. I'm a terrible sleeper. That's what I found out from whoop. So I'm trying to work on that and whoop has all the data. Get yourself some data. Get yourself smarter.
Starting point is 00:13:06 Use whoop. Use the code calm. C O M M dash B stool on the app. Billy's got a strap back on his wrist and is ready to take on the competition. Get on whoop today with the code take for 15% off. And please, please, please beat Billy. Again, it's code take for 15% off on whoop.com. Okay. Who's back of the week? Hank. I got a few who's backs of the week. All right, do it. My first one is bat cracks. Yep. Oh, yeah. One of the positive was sports being back empty stadiums in the MLB means a lot more like really solid contact back cracks, which is one of the best sounds in sports from the Mount Rushmore. Yes, but crack is so much better than the bat ping. Mm hmm. Yes. Bill's mafia is back. Yes, big way. Canada shut down the blue jays being allowed to play in Toronto.
Starting point is 00:13:56 So there's talks about the Buffalo blue jays becoming a thing which would be electric. I feel like even though, you know, Corona social distancing, no fans in the crowd, Bill's mafia is still going to show up. They're still going to tailgate. Buffalo blue jays. Chris Berman. I hope it's a situation where they just never go back to Toronto. Buffalo has never turned down a chance to party before sporting events. So I don't think that it matters. I mean, there's probably mostly Yankee fans in Buffalo, I would imagine, but they still will come out just to throw themselves through tables before blue jays. Absolutely. It's the same color scheme as the Bill's too. So you can wear your Zubas to the baseball game. That's going to be
Starting point is 00:14:29 sick. Chris Berman is definitely thinking about all the Buffalo blue cheese references that he's going to be making once football starts. And I'm just thinking about how excited I am to hear him make those. That's it. That's it. Well, no, I had other ones, but we're talking about them later. And we talked about one before. Okay. What was it? Love and Zuck love is back. Yeah, love is back. Well, is love back? Love is absolutely back. That's my who's Patrick and Aaron Rodgers though. Yeah, that means that we but he's dating the girl. They don't buy that house together. He bought it himself. No, he bought that to flex for her to be like, Danica, you're so cool. That should have been the first sign. I got you a crystal room for like that overlooks
Starting point is 00:15:06 the Pacific Ocean. Would be a real shame if Danica maybe did some crystal, I don't know, put some crystal like bad juju on Aaron when he's going out the door. Real shame wouldn't want that to happen. Absolutely not. Well, he's dating the girl from what's it called outer banks, big little lies. Oh, my jam. Shailene Woodley. So he's, Aaron Rodgers is obsessed with just dating famous people. I started watching, I watched that PFT, by the way. It's good, right? Season two sucks. Yeah, first season was good. Yeah. Yeah, he is, he is obsessed with that. Why is that? I don't know. Why is he, he just, he's got, he, he dates. I think, I think maybe, no, I was going to say it would actually be counterintuitive. You'd probably want to date
Starting point is 00:15:50 a nonfamous person to convince them to move to Green Bay, Wisconsin. Like a famous person. Maybe that's why this is always happening is that you ask someone to move to Green Bay, Wisconsin in the winter as a famous person. It's probably hard to keep that relationship going. Maybe he just likes living the single life. So he only dates people that are famous that he knows will not move in with him so that he can stay up in Green Bay just rolling dolo all the time. And also probably getting that like breakup like, oof, now I can do whatever I want, feel every year has got to be exciting. Yeah, for sure. New beginnings. Is that it Hank? That's it. All done? All done. So my, who's back of the week is true love, Skip Bayless. I just did that. No, but you said yours was going
Starting point is 00:16:32 to be true love, but it wasn't. So mine is true love, even though we discussed it. But I'm talking about my man Skip, Skip, Skip, Skip and Ernestine are more in love than ever. I don't know if you saw the tweet that Skip put out on on Friday. He said for 15 years, Ernestine and I have done this nearly every Saturday. We played catch. So he's obviously he's a play catch guy, not have a catch guy. She never played a sport. What kind of a backhand and complimentary but can throw as if she started in college. We talk, listen to music, reconnect. It's become our ritual. In fact, I think I fell in love the first time we played catch. And it's just a video of them just firing like a nerf football across their living room at each other. That's actually kind of nice. It's
Starting point is 00:17:15 sweet. I like that. That's my question. I had was who took this video? It's got to be Wilbon. I assume that he just lives with with Skip Bayless and they just like fucking debate everything every night. But we also know that on Saturday, that's when they go they sleep in the same bed, right? Right. So that's like their that's their foreplay is they just throw a nerf football around until Skip Bayless gets an erection. And then he's like, it's back, honey. And she's like, let's do this. Let's put the bed, push the beds together. I actually like this because you can't. I mean, it's just a natural thing that if you have a football in a house, if you have a ball in the house, you can't not end up playing catch. It's I mean, it's you can do it around any single
Starting point is 00:17:54 person. It happens all the time in the barstool office. Someone has a basketball football. You just sit there and watch them and you're like, Hey, let me see that real quick. And that's probably how it started. And let me see that real quick started a beautiful marriage between the two. So I like that. I'm in on that. All right. My who's back of the week is dadbots and people not understanding what a dad but is because Zac Efron has been accused of having a dad bod. If you haven't seen this picture, it's a picture of Zac Efron with a eight pack and then a picture of Zac Efron with a six pack. And they're like, since when did Zac Efron get a dad bod? And I've said this many times before, I'll say it again. Fuck the people who have made dad bod culture
Starting point is 00:18:34 seem cool because I know deep down no one actually wants dadbots. They want the Zac Efron six pack dad bod. They want the, you know, Jason Siegel. Oh, he's got a dad bod, but he's also like a struggling musician who's going to make it big in forgetting Sarah Marshall. And oh, everything's always a million laughs because I'm dating this dad bod guy. Instead, reality is if you have a true dad bod, you're just really tired all the time because your metabolism is fucked up and you're overweight and you just really want to nap. He should go method if he's trying to get into the real dad bod culture. Like the only workouts that he's allowed to do is mow the lawn, like man the grill, pick things up on the ground, pick up toys. I just hate it. Just get puked on by babies
Starting point is 00:19:19 all the time. It's bullshit. Here's a dad bod thing is bullshit. This was like, oh, I love a dad bod. No, you don't know you fucking don't. This was a successful troll of the internet by the New York Post because New York Post, I don't know if you noticed their Twitter account recently, they've just been living high off the horse or eating high off the hog, getting those quote tweets by putting up an article that says Zach Efron's dad bod transformation on Netflix Shox fans. And on the right, he still looks very good, but they knew exactly what they were doing when they posted. He just has the beard. It's a dad beard. He got a dad beard. That's not a dad bod. That's like a near death bod, right? Because didn't Zach Efron almost die a couple months ago?
Starting point is 00:19:59 Yes. Yeah. When he was taking his show, yes. Yes. Yes. We got to get back on the show. His new show's good. We're getting back on the show. It's very, he's saving the world pretty much. I think he was running Antivar in the first photo. Okay, Billy speculates that he was on Antivar in the first and the second. steroids. Yeah, Billy wrote down in his notes. Well, I saw a tweet that was like the Zach Efron admitted that in the first picture, it was like he was out of rehab and he went on like a crazy diet to like focus on staying sober. And he was like, it was really unhealthy, all this other stuff. So it's like, it's really that he was unhealthy when he was that job. This sheet by Billy is, this is why Billy's back because we asked Billy, we said, we gave him a
Starting point is 00:20:37 list of things to do. And one of the things to do was we need you to stay on top of the internet all weekend and write a list of 10 different stories that you could think we could discuss. Billy in ultimate Billy fashion. He actually credit to him. He waited all the way until topic five out of 10 on day one of doing this to say we can talk steroids if you want. So good job. And you were able to keep it all the way to topic five because I know, I know you wanted to be topic one. Hey, you guys want to talk steroids. So good on you and did a good job. Billy also waited until the third topic to insert a little joke that he made. It was the Trevor Lawrence thing and they said, insert burrow getting a bigger ring joke. Oh, that was nice.
Starting point is 00:21:20 So you didn't even, you didn't even think of the joke. He just didn't serve it. He just said, like, I know you guys, if you want to think of one layout. All right. I would like an amendment to your top 10 list, Billy. I want there to be at every list that you give us at least one section that we can talk steroids if we want. Okay. All right. So just something that can segue to steroid talk. It's actually 12. I did 12. Oh, we did. We did. We asked you to make 10. There's definitely going to be seven. It's going to be seven on two. He's going to average it out. Oh, but I did 12 on one. All right. No, no, positive vibes only. All right, Billy, what's your who's back of the week?
Starting point is 00:21:55 My who's back of the week is swag. Swag is back. Well, actually all types of swag is back. Well, Jose Cispedes on the Mets was rocking an awesome, did I miss? Wait, you were hankling up. The mispronounced guy. I'm really bad pronouncing words. I love it. Well, it's not his name. You enus. It is now. I thought it was your enus. Now it's now it's Jose Cispedes. Cispedes. Yeah. I thought it was it's okay. Yeah. No, you got it. I'm not a met fan was rocking awesome glove and belt combo at the game yesterday. Little interest squad scrimmage. It was really awesome. Also swag. Kelly thinks he's the second fastest quarterback in the NFL, which I agree with. Yeah. Also, is he is he not in the NFL though? I know he's a four stringer on
Starting point is 00:22:45 the court. He's a four stringer. Yeah. He's also been caught by the police multiple times. So unless he's saying that like the Denver police force would be faster than Lamar Jackson. I'm just saying how do you get from a party to someone's house two miles away in that quick of a time? That's true. Good point. They look away. Billy has long said that swag. Kelly is a steal that draft swag. Kelly is going to make a comeback at some point. He was like, I love it, Billy. Yeah. You got to pick one guy. That's your guy. Remember, you said it three years ago. You're like, watch out for swag. Kelly, he's going to be the steal this draft from this year. Yeah. Just stick with it. Yeah. I think he's going to be like a like a sleeper that's just going to like
Starting point is 00:23:26 come out of nowhere and like get thrown into a game. That's literally what he's done is he has slept. He has been a sleeper in someone else's house and came out of nowhere. That's why that you got the cops. You got it. I like this. Stick with it. I'm sticking with swag. All right. Good. Who's back? Is that it? Just general swag by athletes in sports because that's so cool. How many different Twitter accounts do you subscribe to that have something like athlete swag or like swag for jocks? I will not disclose that. I'll bet it's several. Me and student athlete Twitter are very tight and don't talk about my people like that. Okay. All right. Billy, you should do one of those videos that go viral every like six months. Like life is a student
Starting point is 00:24:08 athlete. Yeah. Life is a midlife. Life is a part of my take. Intern. I definitely you should do that. All right. So that's another thing. Put it on your plate. It's on my plate. So it's like you wake up at you know noon. You send us the fact that you're going to be late. Yeah. You're late. You play Call 2D. You're late. Like do the whole thing. Actually do it exactly how it is. Get the tiger. 630. Now I get these guys die chickens. Yep. I take my dog out. So do it. Do you have a rooster that wakes you up in the morning? No, not. It hasn't grown its voice yet. That's how you sing. Yeah. Like in the old school alarm clock. All right. So Billy, do that. Awesome. As part of your job now. All right. Let's get to our awesome,
Starting point is 00:24:48 awesome interview with Chris Collins before we do that. A word from one of our favorite sponsors. Death wish. Death wish coffee in the seemingly never ending lockdown. The world is going through. It's hard to stay motivated especially when you're supposed to be working from home. But thanks to the people at Death Wish makers of the world's strongest coffee, you can stay caffeinated to do whatever you do when baseball season isn't happening. Oh, it's back this week when the gym is closed, when you can't improve your game on the back nine, when you're waiting for the bachelor to come back on. Death wish coffee is a dark roast blend that has double the amount of caffeine than your average cup of coffee with a smooth bold taste.
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Starting point is 00:26:09 you to brew death wish coffee and join the millions of others who say no to ordinary coffee and yes to extraordinary. Get Barstool's coffee of choice at deathwishcoffee.com and save 15% off your order when you use code VIVA at checkout. That's deathwishcoffee.com promo code VIVA for 15% off. Viva la strong coffee, viva la deathwish. Okay, here he is, Chris Collinsworth. All right, we now welcome on a very special guest. It is someone that we've wanted on this show for a very long time. You know him. He is always in your living room on a Sunday night in the fall. It is the one, the only Chris Collinsworth. Oh, he went too far. You got it. I'm on wheels now. I almost oversled the runway there. Damn.
Starting point is 00:27:03 Yeah, you got it. You got to find that center. Listen, it's the off season for you two. Yes, you haven't got any reps in recently. I need champ. I need champ. So answer all of our slide questions. Do it all like a 30 for 30 on the slide. All right. Started off is the dumbest thing ever invented ever. So they would put a mark on the thing where we would sit like we sit on the desk, right? So we sit there and they would put a mark and they would say put one leg on either side of the mark, right? So okay, fine. So I sit my butt down and I got one leg on either side. Well, Al opens the show by himself, right? I don't know. He's done it forever. And it's Al Michaels in America in a one on one sort of bonding exercise that he does. So in order for Al to do
Starting point is 00:27:57 the one on one, they say, Chris, you got to get out of the shot. And I was like, okay, well, what do you want me to do? You want me to put my legs between the mark on the thing or you want me in the shot? Well, just lean out, right? So just lean out, give Al some room so he can do his thing. All right. So I lean out. So I'm sitting there and in some places, I mean, I'm literally, I'm like lying down. So in order to get out of the shot and get my hip and my ass and everything out of the shot. So I'm like over here like this. And then Al, when he finishes his monologue, he says, well, let's bring in Chris Collins where to do it. And then I come up like that, right? So solution. It was a solution to the problem. And we did it. How it became a thing. I have no idea.
Starting point is 00:28:47 I mean, it was like it overnight, there was there was one, I don't know if you guys ever saw it. But you know, I'm not the most internet savvy guy in the world and social media and all that stuff. I'm getting better at it. I'm getting better. But there was one where they did an outtake of this thing where they were like thousands of people in a bar and then on a big screen and the thing was us on camera and then I slid in and the place went crazy, right? And so being the moron for that I am for about 15 seconds, I thought people were really going crazy over my slide. No, they weren't. That was real. That was where we got earlier. That was the initial clip. It was at the Toronto Tavern, actually. And then what we did like in the future, we would super
Starting point is 00:29:39 impose other images where the slide used to be like famous shots in the World Cup and stuff. Yeah, like we did one with England in the World Cup where they scored an important goal. And we're like, oh, look what's going on. You guys did that. Yeah. Yeah. I've been a huge fan of the slide for a long time, Chris. I am so honored. That's amazing. In fact, I've got probably like 10 more questions about the slide. I'll limit myself to two more. But do you find that you have to wear a certain type of pant to be able to execute the slide? Like does it work in jeans or is the friction too much? Well, you've got to be careful because it's sort of like, you know, if you overslide, then people think you're strange without, right? That's not good because, you know,
Starting point is 00:30:23 Al's a legend. And if I smash into him or something, they get mad. So I can't do that. Undersliding is a problem too. So you can't, you can't underslide because then you've got half your head out of the thing. So yeah, it's the kind of traction that you get with it with your pants. Yeah, that's significant. And then after it became a big thing on the internet, you reversed it. You flipped it on everybody and you came in from the other side. Oh, I love that you actually saw that. Oh, yeah. It was a big deal. Like that. We, we pay so much attention to the stupidest parts of sports. That to me, that like made my week when you slid in from the other side of the camera. When you were about to do that,
Starting point is 00:31:07 did you have like a little bit of nerves, some jitters? Like, I don't know if I can execute from this side. Am I ambi-sliderous? I don't know. Yeah, actually there was. But the debate raged that week. So Fred Godelli is our producer and I get, and you guys made it a deal. I never knew this. I'm learning something new on the show. You know, a lot of people watch Sunday night football, right? I heard that. Yeah. I heard that. And, and so Fred Godelli said, Hey, this week, and we were, I think we were in, man, we were in somewhere in California, one of those stadiums that had a really small booth. I mean, there was like no room to do anything. And so he said, he goes, listen, it's just a little wink, wink and a nod to you guys who made this thing up that,
Starting point is 00:31:55 that we're just going to have some fun with it. And so they debated all week. They were going to have, Hey, Al. Hey, Chris, slide on in and have Al look the wrong way. And then I've kind of, I was like, no, no, no, no. I said, the internet is so much cooler than we are. I mean, you can't like, you can't do that. I go, we've just got to just, if you want to do something, I'll do it from the other side, but it's got to be totally straight, right? It's got to, you cannot, we can't let on that we know because then it won't be fun anymore. Like there's got to be some level of doubt that we're just a couple of old guys that have no idea that people are making fun of us, right? And that's the only way it survives anything beyond this. And so we decided to do it and,
Starting point is 00:32:43 but it was hilarious because people, people like that better than pretty much anything I've done in my career. So thank you. Thank you. You played it just perfectly because you're right. If you had kind of hammed it up a little bit too much, it would lose a little bit of the magic. You guys, it was like a small little gesture. It was subtle. Yeah. The subtlety of it. You absolutely nailed that. Now my last slide question is, do you know when you like crush a slide when you're like, Oh, that was a good one. Like flowed well, perfect timing. We're ready to roll. No, but you know what? And I didn't know this either. It's like amazing. I'm only on camera for like, what, two minutes every week. So this is it. And so this is like the most analyzed part of my life, whether,
Starting point is 00:33:24 you know, your ties crooked or your shirt does something, you know, whatever it is. But apparently, occasionally, right before I start talking, I like bite my lip. Like I go, something like that. I don't know. And, and so then whether I bit my lip was like a bedding line or something. I have no idea. And, but that became a thing. So then I had to think about not screwing up the slide, not hitting Al and not biting my lip in order to do all this stuff. So now I can't remember what I'm going to talk about. So I'm like, this is just overwhelming my brain. I, this is, this is too much for me. So, but now occasionally I'll, I'll do it and I'll bite my lip, not on purpose, but and I went, oh crap, I bit my lip and I kind of start laughing a little bit. And I go, this is,
Starting point is 00:34:18 this is insanity. This is my two minutes, my two minutes on TV every week. And I'm thinking about whether I bit my lip over, slid my slide or bumped in now. Like this is, this is just stupid. I think we were grading you at some point. We're doing like a pro football focus focus on your slide and like issuing you a grade on every single one. And the lip bite was a big part of that. There would be like a lip bite. Are you wearing the quarter zip? Are you going to like do that thing where you look at the camera and kind of give a little wink to America's housewives out there? There were all sorts of elements that, that came into play for the Collins Worth slide. But I think, I think you've got it to a point where you are just constantly in the zone on it.
Starting point is 00:34:54 I don't think you've screwed one up in at least like two, three years tops. Yeah. You guys have ruined it for everything. Like everything you guys do is funny and you make a t-shirt and you make 10 bazillion dollars. And I'm sure you've got a sunglasses content, you know, contract now and you've got a baseball is everything Chicago you own. And like, I get all that stuff. So now our guys want to do like a t-shirt or the slide. I'm like, no, this is the only thing cool that I do in my entire life. I am not screwing it up. So if you guys want to do a t-shirt, don't do a t-shirt, make a million dollars. And then you, when I come to Chicago or I come to Washington or Boston or one of the places and you guys owe me dinner.
Starting point is 00:35:35 Okay. Deal. Deal. And you have to bring out too, because I had, we'll move on to football and broadcasting. You guys, I read a story about how when you started out, you were just stuffing your head with stats all the time and not enjoying the moment and enjoying your friendship with Al Michaels. So was there a moment that you consciously said to yourself, I need to just relax because I think you guys have great chemistry and that's paramount. Stats and information are important, but chemistry in the booth is what makes a successful watch for fans. Yeah. I think the key to broadcasting is eating and drinking. I really do because, I mean, seriously, we go to dinner. Al used to wear me out about it because he would get mad. He would say,
Starting point is 00:36:22 what, what don't you know about these two teams? I know you all week long, you're stuffed down in the basement and you do all this stuff and you're doing all this homework. And what you need to do is just have a laugh. I mean, it's, here we are the night before the game and it's still a show, right? What you guys do is sports related, but it's a show. And what we do is football related, but it's a show. So he talked me into it. So then I started going out on Friday night and we had a great time and I was like, oh man, the show actually is getting better. And then we started, I said, all right, we'll do it Friday night and we'll do it Saturday night. And we got on Friday night and Saturday night. And we sometimes we have our wives,
Starting point is 00:37:03 sometimes we have like great friends in various cities and cool people that will come and have dinner with us and all that kind of stuff. And now we just, it's like, we know each other so well, like you two spend so much time together that you don't have to talk to know what the other one's thinking or, or sensing or if it's time to, you know, set them up or whatever. And we're kind of the same way, you know, we're just like old golfing farts and we just have fun, you know. But it works. Yeah. That is the key, I think, because you guys make it seamless and it never feels forced. And if you guys are having fun, America watching at home picks up on that and we start to have fun because it's always fun to be around guys that are just being dudes.
Starting point is 00:37:53 Right. That's what you guys did, right? I mean, out of, out of everything, and I just kind of study what you guys do. Our PFF is, you know, we're like, we're like a, like a dog little brother of your guys stuff here. So, but, but we enjoy watching what you guys have been able to do, which I think is to be authentic, right? To, to not take yourself too seriously, to have a laugh and, and hope that something gets screwed up along the way because then you're going to really laugh harder. Yeah. Like Johnny Carson is way too old for you guys to know who that is, but it was a guy, it was the first time in my life I ever understood that sometimes the best part of live television was the screw ups, right? Like he had a great way of sort of getting
Starting point is 00:38:47 himself out of the screw ups. And I've seen enough of your guys shows and you keep reserve tapes, right? On people and anytime something starts going too well for that person, one of these clips are going to come out and they're going to get humiliated back to where they were when they were in the basement, tweeting out a couple of things, trying to, you know, get PFT mad at something, right? Our show is like 90% screw ups at this point, which is why people love it so much. So, all right. So it's an interesting point that you bring up about, you know, like having fun and not taking yourself too seriously, but your website pro football focus, you guys do grade the players and you give opinions and you give stats and that can
Starting point is 00:39:30 sometimes get difficult. So have you had to kind of reconcile that in your brain where you're talking to guys, teams before you do a broadcast knowing that, you know, pro football focus might have been harsh on them or graded them a certain way. And how do you kind of reconcile those two things? Yeah, I'll throw my guys under the bus in a heartbeat, blame me. You guys know all about that. I know that. But I get it because we do do that, right? And I have had some people really mad at me over that. Yeah. Sean McCoy, you guys suck a bunch of nerds. You never played a lick of football in your whole life. That's an exact tweet. Yeah. That's appropriate, even for me, actually. You know, I think that's that on. But, you know, it's like the math is the math and the
Starting point is 00:40:20 grade is the grade. And like there were games that my son who was captain at Notre Dame had a bad game and he got a bad grade. And he has guys that are friends of his that play in the NFL and he has teammates. We grade the colleges too. And that they get mad at him and then they get mad at me. And then when I go in for a meeting, like I've had 330 pound men come up and like chest bump me because they were mad, like walk like down the hallway and like bump into me. One guy I said, I just need you to know that you can do whatever you want. I said, but I'm related to more lawyers than you know. So if you want to play for the rest of your life for me, just hit me right there. Just go ahead. You can just say that that was Taylor Luan. We know that was probably I'll never give it up. I'll
Starting point is 00:41:10 never give it up. I think I could get out of the way of Taylor. I'm not sure. Yeah, absolutely. So yeah. So yeah, speaking of pro football focus, I've been on some of you guys podcast before. I know some of the guys over there. I've been. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, George Steve. I've been hammering away at the stat for the last couple of years. I think that full backs are undervalued, but they're making a comeback right now. I think that as the pendulum shifted too far to, you know, never using a blocking back, you've seen some coaches take advantage of it with, you know, you got Jusich out in San Francisco, San Francisco, who's like more of a H back kind of guy. But you see it, you see it gradually coming back. And we've been hammering on this full back assist stat that we
Starting point is 00:41:50 came up with. And I want pro football focus to make it like an actual stat that you guys can track and monitor. And a full back assist, according to us, and you can weigh in on this and how it should be graded. If there's a touchdown scored by running back from within five yards, and there's a blocking back on the field lined up ahead of him, that full back gets an assist on the touchdown. What do you think? So you're more of the Anthony Sherman kind of a guy. Yeah, Anthony Sherman, like the John Coon, if you want to take it back a couple years, that sort of guy. Yeah. Okay. All right. How about, how about this? All right. We are we playing here a little bit? Are we negotiating? Yeah, let's negotiate. Let's do it. Okay. All right. So if I, if I get
Starting point is 00:42:35 that stat in to PFF, and perhaps even not during the slide, not during my feature two minutes, but some point during the game, I find a way to work in the full back stat during the course of a Sunday night football season, that you are no longer PFT, you become PFF. Ooh. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. That's a big business business. You know what I mean? I've only got two internet guys. I don't know if I can have a, yeah. I got this. I got this. Chris, I have a counteroffer. I have a stat. It's called the full back assist. And I love it. And I was hoping that I could personally ask to get it into the PFF database and for you to mention on a Sunday night football game. I'll just take it and then he can't do it with you.
Starting point is 00:43:23 See, I froze him. He doesn't know what to do. No. Okay. All right. You are, you are related to lawyers. I will. I got nothing. I mean, you know, my wife played for content. I was a cheerleader for Kentucky. I got nothing. I will change. I've got serious. I think I could even throw a little cash into the equation here. I'm just saying, I am personally willing to buy you out. I know you just signed a new multimillion dollar contract and that's good. I'm happy for you. So money means you're thinking of Tony Romo right now. You're thinking of Romo. Yeah. Not me. We get confused. Don't get me started on Romo, man. I'm not sleeping for another three weeks. Yeah. How quickly would, did your agent call up the head of NBC after Romo signed his deal?
Starting point is 00:44:11 Immediately. And you can hear the laughter from here. He started talking about Tony Romo. Romo, I love Romo though. He's the best. He got my son, Jack, who was working at ESPN, now works for NBC, for NBC over there, but he got him on the old hidden credit card trick, you know, where everybody has to buy dinner. Yeah. He puts in their credit cards. There's like 15 dudes at the dinner and you can imagine with NFL players around and Jack was at the table and they had, they had all the guys. So literally all these NFL players threw in their credit card and, and Jack had to throw in one of his credit cards too. And so he throws it in. So of course, Romo pockets or palms Jack's card, pulls them all out one at a time. And now he's got to be,
Starting point is 00:45:00 he's got to be the guy and Jack's, you know, he's sweating over on the side is $25,000 dinner. Hey dad, do you think you could chip in a little money for me, you know, on this thing? Of course, Romo picked up the tab and he's a hell of a guy. Yes. Yeah. So I will, I'll change my name to PFF commenter for a week for a calendar week. And big cat will have to call me PFF during the podcast for that week. A week. Yeah. I think that's fair. I think if you can tell him how big our audience is. It's huge. At least a thousand people. The number one show nine years in a row. And he's going to get his stat in and he's going to give me a week.
Starting point is 00:45:40 I'm giving you a stat. I mean, if we're being honest here, I'm helping the future of PFF because you guys are woefully behind the times when it comes to measuring fullback efficiency. So I'm doing full back. If anything, full back game is coming up short. Yeah. If anything, I should be asking you to change your name. Why should I change my name? Why not? Power shifted it on him. Yeah. Why not? Briskindsworth. I think this is going south. I do think, honestly, I think it's a, I think it's a chance for you to be bigger than the slide. I think you can be bigger than the
Starting point is 00:46:15 slide. I do. I do. Let's table this. We'll table this negotiation and we'll have an ongoing discussion about it because we need to, we need to lawyer up clearly with this. So we'll do that. I wanted to talk about football coming back. Hopefully it will. We're going to be positive. It's going to happen. Patrick Mahomes signs a 500. I don't like the face you just did, Chris. Actually, you know what? We're doing a thing with, we had Willie McGinnison last week. You have to tell us that football is going to get played because we trust that you know more than us. And then we tell other people that trust us. And then eventually it just becomes a game of telephone where the whole country is like, yeah, of course football is being played.
Starting point is 00:46:55 Someone told me. I don't like this. Come on. I like this, Chris. All right. Here's what I'm going to say. All right. And I know nothing. All right. I'm just going to give you my opinion. Right. I don't, I honestly don't know. I think college football is going to be tough because now you got to involve mama, right? Now you got to get to, okay, from mama and the board of regents and the professors and are there really going to be students on campus and are they going to play in an empty stadium and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, right? I hope they play in the spring, honestly, because I never get to watch as much college football as I would like to watch. So I hope they play in the spring. That'd be great
Starting point is 00:47:41 for me personally, but that's my own personal thing. The NFL though, I do think we'll give it a go. I think they're going to try and we'll see where it goes. And there'll be some people who get sick. There'll be some people who opt out. There'll be some people that won't want to play. But I was around in 1987 when the player strike happened and they had replacement players that came in and they had guys that had never played in the NFL. And they put on Dallas Cowboy jerseys and Washington Redskins jerseys. And after about three weeks, a friend of mine came up to me and he goes, Chris, I got some bad news for you. He said, it's about over for you guys. And I said, what are you talking about? We're going strong where this is a good strike. This is
Starting point is 00:48:30 just, it's the whole thing. And he said, Vegas's betting line is starting to get pretty good. And people are starting to wager on those guys in the Redskins uniforms playing against those guys in the Cowboys uniforms. And because it's not like NFL players playing against those guys, it's those guys playing against those guys that it doesn't really matter to the average fan who's coming out. They just want to have fantasy football and they want to make a bet and they want to, you know, do whatever the case may be. So I think that somebody will be playing. Will it be every single NFL player? Maybe not, but I think somebody will be playing. Okay. We'll have football. Okay. So we're going to have football on a scale of eight to 10. How
Starting point is 00:49:14 likely do you think it is that we'll have football? Nine. 90% chance we have football. Okay. So let's talk some football then. You watch it. Obviously you're part of the game, but you also have the website that we mentioned, pro football focus, which does great stuff. If you want your fantasy guide, they have a great one. Honestly, if you're not registered with pro football focus, you're not a football guy. I'll just say it because it has all the information. That's better than the name change. Yeah. For like, from your perspective, how do teams constantly screw up the draft and why, like, do you think it's getting better or worse when it comes to scouting and projecting these guys going from college to NFL?
Starting point is 00:49:59 Because it's impossible not to take the pretty girl. It's impossible. How do you, I mean, I do this all the time. I do the draft every year and I just pretend like I'm the guy making the decision. And every year you look back after like three years at the guys you would have drafted and you go, oh, moron. It's like 50%. I mean, in the first round, it's like, I mean, how can you miss on the top 32 players that are playing college football, right? But my theory is it's the pretty girl because when you get a guy who's six foot six and runs four or five and bench presses, you know, 400 pounds and he, you know, and yeah, maybe he's in every fifth play is this freakish play in which he goes around and he throws the guy against the wall and he comes in
Starting point is 00:50:52 and sacks the quarterback and they put together a 10 highlight package and they put it on television and the media gets all wound up. Look at that. That is the most incredible 10 plays I've ever seen and social media takes over and yet that's not what football is. Football is a grind, man. Football is I can't move my right knee. My elbow is locked up in this position and shakes during the course of the game. My head is killing me and I've still got to go play the world champions, right? And it's what it is. I mean, so it takes people who have those kinds of bodies and those kinds of skills, but they have that kind of heart that even when they're a mess, even when they're a total wreck, they're still going to slam their head into that brick wall and make those plays and those guys
Starting point is 00:51:46 exist, right? I mean, those guys exist out there, but a lot of times you find them in the second, the third and the fourth round and they run four, six or four, seven instead of four, five and they can't vertical jump 42 inches, which I don't know other than a wide receiver, a defensive back, why we care about that. So, you know, I think that's what it is. I really do. I just think it's easy to fall in love with the pretty girl. Yeah, especially if there's not that much tape on like hypothetically, if there was a player that started 16 games in college, 13 games, excuse me, 13 games, one season. Yeah, he started in an important, technically they were BCS eligible. A player like that, it might be easier to miss on the first three picks. It could be. I personally
Starting point is 00:52:32 was surprised that that person did not go in the first three picks, but you know, it happens. It's happening. You know, there's been some great athletes that just never got a proper opportunity. We're going to get back to Chris real quick, but before we do, I want to talk to you about our new favorite partners over at 3G. That's right. 3G, it's the leader and hemp derived cannabinoid products. You've heard us talk about them. They are the real deal folks. They're the real deal. You will love this 3G stuff. It's Delta 8 THC. So, it's a federally legal version of THC products that are sold in the USA. And they're the first ones that are sold in the United States since prohibition started almost 90 years ago. It's a federally legal version
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Starting point is 00:54:51 You're going to love it. Now back to Chris Collinsworth. I have a question about Al Michaels because you guys do spend so much time around each other. Have you ever seen his top row of teeth? I come to think of it. Yeah. Don't exist. I've never seen him. He's really good at jet. He just goes, that's all you see without. All you see with him. Are they straight? I don't know. It's impossible to tell. Yeah. I don't know. I think it might somehow be related to his golf swing. He knocked out his top teeth? Maybe because, I mean, Al's, this guy he plays with sends me a lot of pictures of Al. Like every time Al is on one foot with his other foot on a branch and he's
Starting point is 00:55:42 standing upside down trying to hit another ball under the tree that he sends, he snaps that picture and sends it to me. So I think that Al may have knocked his teeth out at one point. I don't know, but I'll ask him. Okay. So I have another Al Michaels question. This always is a tricky spot for me when I remember a story and then I Google it and then the only thing I could find is myself blogging it from like seven years ago. But does Al eat an entire dinner during the broadcast? Yes, I think he definitely has appetizers and a main course. Have I ever seen him get all the way through dessert and after dinner drinks? I don't think so. When does he eat in the commercials? All the time. That's incredible. He's just eating dinner
Starting point is 00:56:42 with us. He's such a pro. He just eats dinner with us on a Sunday night in the fall. All the time. I mean, so yeah, we have, although I'm a little worried. I don't know, can you serve food now with the whole quarantine? True. It's going to be a problem. We might have to have delivery. We might have to have like Uber, like full in the booth or something. Yeah. Do you eat with him during the broadcast? No, I can't eat. You know why? Because then I have to like swallow all the time. I mean, when you're eating, right, you get that thing where you start talking, then you got to go, hold on, America, let me. But Al can do it. And everybody knows it. Everybody knows what you're doing. Why did you ask the question? So how does Al do it?
Starting point is 00:57:24 I don't know. He's the best. He is the best. It's incredible. Joe Buck was telling us that he used to drink a beer in the fourth quarter, right? No, he would, in a baseball game, he would, he would sometimes sip on a beer to kind of like relax himself in the later innings. But Al eats a whole meal. Joe Buck was the one that told us that he peed into a bottle one time in the booth. Have you ever had to, had to pee during like an actual game? All the time. And sometimes they're way down the hallway. And, you know, because you've got it. I mean, you guys don't do it, but I've already had a whole glass of water just doing this interview. So you, you're drinking and drinking and drinking, right? And you're trying to do that. And then
Starting point is 00:58:00 sometimes you got to go, Al, pick me up here, you know, and you try to wait for the two minute warning or some longer commercial break. But when you got to go, and I've never done the, the, the, the now the thing under the table. All right. So this upcoming season, there's obviously seven teams that make the playoffs now, but there's always a team or two teams that come from nowhere and end up being in the playoffs. What teams do you have circled this upcoming season and why are they the Chicago Bears? Well, you know, they, they have a multitude of quarterbacks there now. I was surprised you had not signed actually. Yes. No, I still have a chance as a tight end because I think we only have 11 right now. So we need at least 12 or 13. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:52 The, the Chicago Bears that is Nick Foles really going to be the quarterback. Is he going to, you're the expert. Why don't you like Nick Foles? I love Nick Foles. Nick Foles was, he played the two greatest games I've ever seen played by a quarterback. I think I may have to put Brady in the Super Bowl when they were down 28 to three. But it was Nick Foles in that Super Bowl. Alan and I called that game, right? Yup. That one, that one for sure. And the other one has to do with a quarterback who is no longer in the league right now, who played a game in New England that was off the charge, Colin Kaepernick. And I don't want to stir this pot again, but the night they played New England and it was a Sunday night game. It was the worst weather night. And
Starting point is 00:59:50 I've been in some horrendous stuff in New England. I mean, it's awful weather up there late in the year. And so we were standing, we did, we did our pregame thing in the tunnel, you know, the tunnel on the whichever side that would be, the Boston side of, and the wind was blowing like 50 miles an hour. And it was like 31 degrees. And it was misty, rainy kind of thing. And I couldn't even move my lips to do the pregame show. I mean, it was, it was horrendous. So I go up to the booth and I go, 10-7 at best. I'm telling you 10s, there's no way anybody can throw in this kind of wet and wind and against these teams and all that kind of stuff. Kaepernick came out there and this thing was 37, 34. Brady had just let them down for another touchdown to take the lead late in the game.
Starting point is 01:00:47 There's like a minute and a half to go. And Kaepernick takes them right down the field the other way and scores the game winning touchdown. I looked over down and I said, that is impossible. What those two guys did tonight is absolutely impossible. And so, you know, I've always struggled with the Kaepernick thing and I get it. And, you know, people, they don't want whatever it is. They don't want distractions and all the different things. But that night, that guy was as good as any quarterback I ever saw a player do. It's crazy. I'm looking at the box score right now. And it doesn't pop off on the box score. But I remember that game too. He was 14 for 25 with four touchdowns. And you think 14 for 25, that's not that great. Brady was 36 for 65. When is
Starting point is 01:01:34 time Brady had that many incompletions? That's crazy. And it was a 41-34 game where they won at the end, scored late comeback. That's interesting. Okay. So, Nick Foles, you saw it though. You don't think he can replicate it or do you think it's, are there guys like that? How, let me, let me phrase it in a different way. How do you grade someone in pro football focus that has a ceiling that is astronomical, but that game to game average is tough to kind of grasp what exactly he is. We grade every single play and every single game for every single player, right? And so, it just is what it is. So, there's no difference between an offensive lineman when he's playing against JJ Watt and some fifth string guy, right? We just evaluate and grade
Starting point is 01:02:29 what that guy did on every single snap that he played, right? So, there's no denying that we've seen every single play that's happened in college football and NFL football. So, whether you want to agree with us, disagree with us, whatever the case, that's fine. We all understand that. We think our grades are the best indicator of what this guy's going to be, long term, and it's proven pretty true. So, as we, as we look at these guys, you go, it just is what it is, right? I mean, Nick Foles has been one of the most ungodly playoff quarterbacks in certain situations that we've ever seen. I mean, he's just been phenomenal in that Super Bowl against Tom Brady. I mean, you would have thought he was playing backyard pickup football. I think I even
Starting point is 01:03:14 made the comment during the game. It's like, he's not nervous at all. I mean, he just looks like he's out, you know, playing catch or something out here. And I said, all this is going to, you know, as we go down the row, we get to the third quarter, we get to the fourth quarter, he's going to fade, there's no way Tom Brady, all that, he never faded. And yet, we have not seen that in the game in, game out consistency, you know, of what he's done throughout the course of his career. Could he put it all together? I hope so. He's one of the nicest human beings on God's green earth. He's just a great dude. But, you know, you got to see it. You got to see it. But I will say this, he's got huge hands. You can throw it in Chicago weather. So, and he can, you know,
Starting point is 01:04:01 he can move around a little bit too. So, it'll be really interesting to see what they do this year. I can't wait to see who comes out of that one. So, one last question about the grading. How do you have everyone grade every single play? Are there times when the assignment of a player, they're doing something that you guys don't even know or understand or defense is doing something, a guy is assigned to do something different than what usually happens? How do you rectify that? Well, we basically have three people that grade every single play. So, we have a blind, one person does it. That seems, yeah. How do you do that? How do you do it blind? You listen? No, no, I mean, like, what, what does that actually mean? It is kind of funny to call
Starting point is 01:04:46 him blind, but like, what is it? It doesn't buy himself. Okay. So, right. So, they're not, they're not in the same room. So, this guy grades it. This guy grades it. If they have the same grade, it goes through. If they don't, then we bring in one of our coaches or former players or guys that have standing that have been there for the full 12 or 13 years of the company, and we have debates and we debate those plays. And if none of, if we can't, just can't figure it out, we just leave it alone. We make it a zero grade, which means that, you know, we're not giving them positive or negative. Interesting. What about if it's like Josh Allen and he drops back and he throws the ball like 65 yards in the air with just like a flick of the wrist and it's really cool to
Starting point is 01:05:29 watch, but it's an incomplete pass. Does that get a higher grade than a normal in completion? No, but they're, you know, stats are great liars. They really are. Like, there was a game where Aaron Rogers threw a deep ball, right? And it came down to the receiver's hands and it hit him right in hands, right in the hands. It was an incredible throw. And it bounced off his hands and the defensive back who was beaten by two yards was running behind him, bounced off his hands, went right to the defensive back who took off and returned it, right? So in the, in the stat sheet, you would go, Aaron Rogers, that's a horrible play, just through an interception. The wide receiver, you know, got open and dropped the ball. So he's going to get it. And the defensive back was,
Starting point is 01:06:12 you know, gets a positive cause he got an interception. But in our system, Rogers gets the great grade, right? The defensive back gets crushed for getting beat on a deep ball and the wide receiver gets crushed for dropping the ball. So we don't do what the result was. We do what the guy did on the play, which sometimes make people, we had one, we had Aaron Rogers one time, one game he was player of the week and he threw five touchdown passes in the game. And we had him as either just a zero grade or maybe even slightly negative because he had three passes that should have been intercepted that were thrown right in the hands of linebackers or defensive backs that they all dropped them. And the touchdowns were like a quick flair in the flat,
Starting point is 01:06:57 a screen pass, and went on like that. So, you know, I mean, we're, I know we make people insane. I know we do. It makes them crazy. But I always tell the players if they want to debate me, let's go watch the film. Yeah. I'll go show you the grades, right? I'll show them to you. This is what happened on this play. This is why we did it. And so, but they get fired up, man. And I'm not that big a guy. You know, I used to play wide receiver and I could use some, you know, I could, big cat, I could use a heavy, you know? Yeah, I got you. You got extra time, man. You got extra this stuff is fascinating to me. Can you tell me that maybe Mitch Trubisky isn't as bad as his play? Is there like a spin zone on that? We can cut this if it's, if it truly is that bad.
Starting point is 01:07:43 Well, he's a great runner and I think that's what you like to see from your quarterback. You know, and I think that when he gets his feet set, he does okay. You know, fairly accurately. He's got a good receiver and Alan Robinson, I really like him. He's a good player and, but is there something to be said for the fact that you can be so inaccurate that it makes your balls actually harder to intercept? Like it's a double-edged sword. Yeah. That's a solid point. Yeah. Do we have to give Josh Allen and some of those guys credit if they throw it so hard that the guy drops it? Yeah, exactly. Like if you break, if you break a defensive backs finger just by throwing a tight spiral at them, that's pretty cool. That's what I was getting at with Josh Allen.
Starting point is 01:08:27 Like I'm big on grading players and just how cool they look sometimes. Who's the coolest guy? Who do you think? Coolest guy. I mean, Josh Allen, it's tough to beat when he throws like a 70-yard bomb to Sean. Sean Watson is pretty, pretty fucking cool when he's moving around in the pocket. How about Garoppolo? I mean, Garoppolo is like the best-looking human being on earth. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Garoppolo never gets mad. He never gets mad. It's unbelievable. No matter what anybody says about him, he just, he comes in the room and he's got this, like, if you're selling toothpaste, this is definitely the dude that you want, you know, doing your commercial, right? And he's just has that look and, hey,
Starting point is 01:09:05 how are you guys? I mean, it's amazing. I mean, some of these quarterbacks now are just so, so out of my league. Yeah. Like I walk in and you just want to go, you know, I'm not worthy. I'm not worthy of this conversation. Yes. Now they're making another half a billion dollars. I'm intimidated. I would say that Kittle is pretty cool when he plays too. He just gets mad and runs people over. Oh, he's the best. That's just an awesome play to watch. You know what? He's the coolest guy out of anybody to interview because he just, he just loves it. Like, like Gronk has a little bit of that in him too. And they both have a little bit of this, this little kid thing, you know, like they're just, they're just having a good time, you know,
Starting point is 01:09:48 and then we're going to party after the game. That's going to be awesome. And you're never going to tackle me. Like his coach has convinced them that nobody can tackle. You go back to that New Orleans game, like the biggest play of the year last year, fourth and one or whatever, and he dragged the whole Saints field down the sideline. And I mean, he's really, he really thinks that he, they can't tackle him. Yeah. They need to pay him too. I think you can make the argument that a great tight end like a Gronkowski or like Greg Kittle is what we call him. If you're that good at that position, I think you're more, you're worth more to your team than like an elite wide receiver. So I actually think like there's some, there's some merits
Starting point is 01:10:27 that argument, like when Jimmy Graham was trying to get paid as a wide receiver with a franchise tag a couple of years ago, I think that Kittle could make that same argument. Well, and here, here's the argument. I'm going to, I'm going to take up your cause here for a minute because in San Francisco's offense, in Kyle Shanahan's offense, it's all about getting that outside zone running thing going. You know what I'm talking about? We're all five offensive linemen move one way at the same time. And then the running back just kind of goes. And so the tight end is either at the point of attack, if they're going wide, or if they're cutting back, usually he's coming back across the other way block. This guy is an SOB blocking now. I'm telling
Starting point is 01:11:06 you, he and Gronk and a handful of guys are ungodly blockers as they, as they play and they can do everything the other guys can do as receivers. Now to me, Travis Kelsey is the best receiving tight end. You know, he has, he has legitimate wide receiver kind of moves playing tight end, but the combo package right now, George, I think we had him as the best player in the NFL last year. Wow. Wow. I read that your dad was named Abraham Lincoln. Is that true? Yeah, he was the principal in my high school too. Your dad was named Abraham. Why did he decide to not name you Abraham Lincoln? Like when you were born, he took one look and he was like, nah, he's not going to be able to live up to that name. I could have been so close to being like
Starting point is 01:11:55 ABJ2, you know, something. I could have had like a cool name like OBJ or something like that. Now his, his father, I probably, excuse me, shouldn't do this whole story, but my, my other, his other two brothers were named after presidents. His mother got so sick of my grandfather, name it all after presidents. He came in and told the doctor that his name was Abraham Lincoln. And his mother turned around and said that his name is Charles. And so my father needed a birth certificate. He tried to, he tried to go to the hospital where he was born and get a birth certificate. And they said, I'm sorry, sir, there is no Abraham Lincoln Collins worth. He said, but there, there is a George here and or Charles here. And
Starting point is 01:13:01 that would you be interested in him? And so they look up and of course it's his date. And they had, he had no idea for 75 years of his life that his real name on his birth certificate was actually Charles and not Abraham Lincoln Collins. Wow. So wait, what were the other president names? Obama. Well, actually, I don't know. Are they all presidents? I'm embarrassed myself. Alexander Hamilton. Ben Franklin. Yep. You're nailing it. And William McKinley. Okay. Okay. Yeah. That's kind of a cool move. I like that. All right. If I had to give you, I said to you, Chris, for the rest of your broadcasting career, you can say one of these two phrases, but you can't say the other one. Yeah. Here's a guy or we talked about which one are you taking with
Starting point is 01:13:53 you? Here's a guy. Okay. All right. I figured that I can't, I can't walk 15 feet. I mean, seriously, do you guys have those kinds of all the time all the time? It's impossible. If you would have asked me, if you would have bet me a million dollars, if I've ever said, now here's a guy more than 15 times in my life, you would have taken my million dollars. I had no idea. It's a great thing about the internet. Yes. Like all, all the zits and all the, the ugliness of anything you've ever done in your life, people point it out to you right away. It's, it's going to fall on deaf ears because we're, you know, talking from a point of having a podcast, being on Sunday night football, when you get taped constantly, everything you say
Starting point is 01:14:53 played back to you. It's so clear that guess what? I don't know a lot of words. I'm kind of an idiot. So when it's played back to me, I'm like, you use this word a lot. I'm like, yeah, I probably learned it last week. That's probably why I started throwing it in my repertoire. Look, even that, I was impressive repertoire. So Al knows a lot of words. So he probably has never said, now here's a guy in his whole life. Right. Right. But I just, it's tough. It's tough. All right. You guys, you got to come up with a new phrase for me. I've, you know, I've been doing this long enough now. I should have, you know, at least one new phrase per decade that I've been in broadcast. You should throw in a dude every now and then like, like a doggie. Oh, and yeah,
Starting point is 01:15:36 does that date me though? Is dude like a 70s? No, no, no, no, it could be a football. It's only when Dom Brown, we interviewed him, Michigan defensive coordinator actually invented that like the phrase, the calling guys, dudes. So he basically breaks down his entire roster and he has guys and then he has dudes and dudes are the guys that are like, you know, you can trust in their blue chip guys. So I think every now and then, like if, if, if George Kittle breaks a bunch of blocks or tackles, you can be like, that is a dude. So it's not something you say all often, but every now and then you can break it out and be like, that was a dude. What, what, what if I, what if I just narrowed it a little bit? You know, like I've seen this a couple of times in movies
Starting point is 01:16:22 where something like that happens where it's just like so cool and you just go, dude, dude. I don't even have to say now there's it, right? Yes. Dude. Yes. I think what, how do you think Al would react to that? Just a dude. Uh, he'd probably call you Spicoli. Spicoli. Oh, yeah. And I feel like that's right in his wheelhouse. Spicoli is like the greatest of all time. You had to have been called Spicoli at least once or twice. Yes. Once or twice I have. What about just throwing out a, this guy's a Haas. I love hearing the word Haas. Yeah. But you know, that was Keith Jackson, you know, so I just, I need, well, we have homework. We have two things. We've got to figure out our negotiation for the fullback system. We'll give you a new phrase. I think we
Starting point is 01:17:08 were up for the challenge. So I had two final questions. Uh, the first was does Al write down what his bets are on a card beforehand so that he doesn't forget it during the game or how does that work? Al doesn't forget anything. Anything. And I'm, I'm sure that Al Michaels would never bet or gamble on anything type of sporting event. Correct. That would be my damages reputation. Correct. But he just sends you down onto the field before the game to give him the weather report and come back and be like, Al, it's 10 to seven. No more. I swear to God, no one's scoring 15 points in this game. I'm the bag man. That's what I am. How do you, have you had that discussion with them at all though about gambling becoming legalized across the country and as it becomes
Starting point is 01:17:59 more in popular culture, will you guys be working that more into broadcast? Cause clearly Al loves it. He drops nuggets and he talks, you know, guys, guys talk at the end of games knows why people are still watching a blowout because the overunders in doubt or whatever it may be. But have you guys had that conversation about how you're going to adapt? You know what? Al loves being the rascal. You know what I mean? That's his word for it. He goes, you know, and like, you guys can't be rascals because you're allowed to say anything at any time. It was going to be dickheads. Right. You can't, you can't be rascals because this is, this is what you do. But Al, because he's on national television and there are certain rules and NBC would fire us for certain
Starting point is 01:18:41 things that we would say he has to let the devil sneak out every once in a while. Right. And so the gambling thing I think had always been his little bit of the rascal, but now are you still a rascal if you talk about gambling because now it's legal and you got, you know, the NFL is tied to casinos and, you know, and you got, is it a rascal anymore? So now he's got to come up with, you know, something new. I think. Okay. How can Al become a rascal in this modern day of legal life? That's a third, that's a third homework assignment. We got that one too. We got three now. I'm going to put my brain to that one because I think I could figure out a way that Al could kind of like still maintain his bad boy credit, but I just need to know where that line is and
Starting point is 01:19:24 how to elegantly cross the line. The titillation. We need a little titillation that used to be able to come from a gambling reference. What if he just started out? Yeah. What if he did the broadcast topless? Man, I don't smoke you the bear out. There'd be too much here. I think has to wear a tie. He has to. Otherwise, like his hair would like just explode out. It would just be too much. All right. So my last question, um, you can, you could say this is totally fake, but were you on the Jeff Ruby's, uh, waterfront restaurant when it, when it, the moorings came came off and you guys just floated the restaurant floated down the Ohio river. All right. Yes. I was, I was on the boat and so I was a, a part owner of the restaurants, right?
Starting point is 01:20:16 So I own basically like a toilet. That's how much of that restaurant I own is a multi-million dollar restaurant. And so the river, I don't know if you guys have ever lived on a river, but the river instead of being at pool, which is like 25 feet was raging at like 60 feet. It's like a white water rafting kind of river, right? And this, this, so this usually the, the ramps to get on this floating boat were like down. And this day it was like almost straight up. And so at some point we're in there having dinner in a restaurant and everything starts doing like the Titanic things, like snap, pop, boom. You know, the boat starts moving and it's, and this restaurant is way top heavy. So it literally could have come over at any time. Luckily it kind of got caught in its own
Starting point is 01:21:13 little moorings there, but now all the ramps to get off have been destroyed. You're on a boat. They're all gone. You're on a boat. On a boat. And so it's like 30 feet between the fire department, which is now there, and the boat with still like 200 people on here. So as one of the owners of the restaurant, the general manager and I go outside and the fire department slides this ladder up to the thing, right? And so it's like a 30 foot, but we got to tie it on or something. And so none of us are like seaworthy kind of guys. So I'm sitting there going, all right. So I'm tying granny knots with like my shoelaces to get this thing to stay on there. And so kind of tested a little bit. And, but now somebody's got to try it. And I was like, well, I tied the granny knots. Let me, let
Starting point is 01:22:07 me try it. So, and remember now, the water is raging right beneath me. And I get on this ladder. I don't know if I can show you this properly. So the boat's like here and the ladder's like this. So I, there's about two feet of lag up here. So I step my foot on this ladder and it goes like that. Like I've got like six inches of reserve ladder now on this thing, but I'm firmly on the ladder and I go, screw it, I'm going down the ladder. So I go down the ladder, I make it fine, right? And so it's, it's good. So now my wife, my family, my friends are all back on the boat. So I turn around and I'm going to get back up on the boat. And this fireman goes, oh, hell no. I got 200 people to get off this boat on that ladder. You're not getting back on this thing.
Starting point is 01:23:02 And I go, okay, that's logical. That makes sense. Unbeknownst to me, there are at least 12 news stations that have now parked themselves up on the hillside. And they are watching all this as it's taking place. So they're all shooting me as the first one to come off the boat, right? And not going back on it. So now here I am. You were the first one on earth. Now, you're that rich guy in Titanic. Now this is also on Nightline. This is gone national. Al Michaels is in Europe and he's seeing the new speed of this thing. And all they can do is take a shot of me as the first boat. So I'm on talk radio the next day. And one of my partners on there is a guy named Bill Cunningham. And Bill Cunningham opens the broadcast with this. Last night, Chris Collinsworth says,
Starting point is 01:24:02 damn the women and children, get my ass off of this boat. And I'm telling you, I have never had anything stick to me like Belcro and the rest of my life. I wish I'd have jumped into water and been in Louisville instead of what happened to me with that thing. And he crushed me. You're George Costanza. You're running out, you know, the fire and you're just pushing all the women and children out of the way so you can get off first. But you know what? We need you. We needed you because who else is going to say, here's a guy on Sunday night. None of the other people. That's it. I think I have to retire that. I honestly, I don't think I could stop saying here. No. Yeah, you can retire. I love it. Just hearing you say it right now makes me feel
Starting point is 01:24:43 like there's a football game going on. Yeah, it's great. Yeah, it's great. Don't let the haters get you. Well, Chris, this has been awesome. You're now a recurring guest. So you have to come on whenever we ask you to, which will be frequent in the football season, which depends on the negotiations. Yeah. Yeah. The negotiations because I kind of don't want to let them go right now because I feel like, you know, if someone's in trying to buy a car, you want to keep them in the dealership, but we just want to get this fucking deal right now. We just need to get our he's the PFT, PFF, but he's got a small change. I think he'll be one line to the other side. He'll be back. I'll be back a month. Just don't put Eric on it. I just got finished with dealing
Starting point is 01:25:22 with Erica. She's too tough. I'm negotiating strictly with you two. I'm not dealing with her. You'll be hearing from our attorney, Marlins, man. Yes. Oh, yes. Yeah. You don't want to do it. Marlins, man. You don't want that. We'll lawyer up. We got this. I will think of something good. We'll think of something good and we'll make this deal work. Maybe, you know what, what we're actually going to do is we're going to get him a new awesome catchphrase, free of charge. He does. We'll toss that in. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So we'll think of the free. There are a couple of different levers we can pull in this new go. So some give here, some take there. We'll get back to you with our final offer. Yes. Yes. And you've got to come
Starting point is 01:25:58 up with a new rascal. Okay. We can do that. Yes. Well, Chris, it's been awesome. Really, really appreciate it. Tons of fun. And you're welcome back anytime. Your guys are the best, man. That interview with Chris Collinsworth was brought to you by our great friends over at Mugsy Jeans. You've heard us use that name before. Mugsy Jeans are the only jeans that we wear because they look like jeans, but they feel like sweatpants. It's not an exaggeration. We don't know how the guys at Mugsy did it, but their jeans feel like sweatpants that had sex with even more comfortable sweatpants and somehow out popped an awesome jeans baby. Mugsy was started by a stoolie who was tired of being uncomfortable in his jeans. His goal was simple reinventment
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Starting point is 01:28:05 Okay, let's get to some segments. We'll wrap up the show. Are we going to run? Are we going to run Creed Bratton on Wednesday? Let's do it for sports week. Awesome. Awesome interview. It's good point. Yeah, we'll see. Maybe we'll team him up with somebody else. Okay. I mean, he was pretty cool. He told some intense drug guy story. Very cool. All right. So we have, by the way, check our store. We'll just put them on sale tomorrow. We're going to sell not a drug guy shirts. They're awesome. We're going to put them up. They'll be in the store, not a drug guy, the number one way to tell everyone that you're not a drug guy wink. It's absolutely a great way to find out who told me. It's a shirt that will probably get you a lot of drugs. I wonder if you
Starting point is 01:28:45 remember those old dare shirts that people used to wear. Yeah, what what percentage of the people that were wearing those dare shirts were doing so ironically? A lot. I would say that like the federal government or whoever was getting funding. Yes, probably got 90% of their budget from people who were just like big drug users. They made us sign contracts as like 10 year old saying we'd never do drugs, not legally binding. It's insane. It's fucking insane. They're like, this is going to fix it. We'll have a bunch of fucking kids sign these contracts. Just say no. Just say we'll be great if we smoke fools like you on the basketball court. We'll be great if someone just showed up with a contract was like, well, sorry, man, busted. You said 25 years ago, you'd never do drugs. All
Starting point is 01:29:27 right, we have a new segment, new segment alert spin off. Yeah, wow. PFT cut down on that one. New segment alert. Go ahead, Hank. No. Okay. You want to say sorry to him? That was fucked up. No, I'm actually, I'm going after Hank a little bit right now because he's being very mean to our darling Jake. Okay. Why? How? Just by beating him in ping pong. Yeah, but you're rubbing it in a little bit. No, I just I'm three no person today. He hasn't come close to beating me. That's just he's actually mad. No, no, of course. Hank beat me fair and square tonight. I just did not make it public the 84 other times I've been him. Right. Right. That's fair. There we go, Jake. Fight for yourself. All right. A spin off of as a white guy, we have as a straight guy for Jeremy Ronick,
Starting point is 01:30:12 who is suing NBC actually as a straight guy. He's saying that he's been, he has been persecuted as a straight guy for his comments made on spitting chicklets last year. It's sexual discriminations. What do you assume as a straight guy as a straight guy because he said that Johnny Weir has made similar comments and was fine. And it was totally fine because he's he's gay. And Jeremy Ronick made comments, which one of which was that Patrick Sharp is so hot he would be fine having a threesome with him as a straight guy. Right. Well, I mean, if NBC is going to fire people for wanting to fuck Patrick Sharp, you're not going to be able to go football talk anymore. No, I mean, I've long wanted to. Yeah. Right. It's going to be hilarious if this goes to trial.
Starting point is 01:30:56 Right. If this becomes an actual like, if this becomes a litigation that people have to study in the future, like Jeremy Ronick is going to have to prove how straight he is, which will be awesome. He's going to like bring up his porn hub search history shows a little black book, show all the dick pics that he sent unsolicited to people if he has beer he's been drinking. Yeah. His man cave, his, his, you know, like little pool house that he converted into a mini bar. Yeah. Jeremy. Jeremy Ronick fans parking only. How many? Yeah. How many convertibles do you own? How many? How many creed albums do you own? Oh, man, that's perfect. I need to watch this. Yeah. The PowerPoint of Jeremy Ronick proving how straight he is. I hope this goes to the Supreme
Starting point is 01:31:35 Court. Yeah. Yeah. Clarence Thomas would actually ask questions about this. If it goes, there's that fuck. That'd be awesome. Marbury versus Chattison. As a straight guy. So good job, Jeremy Ronick. You have, you've done something that I didn't legally think was possible as a straight guy. And that would mean that Whitney and Biz would be involved in a Supreme Court case. Yes. They were like, so when Jeremy Ronick said he'd have a threesome with Patrick Sharp, did it look like he had truth in his eyes? Oh my God. What was going on there? Seeing RA testify at the Supreme Court. I guess he went to testify at the Supreme Court, but testify at the court of law about how straight he thought Jeremy Ronick is. Pray for the transcriber that
Starting point is 01:32:14 day. Yeah. We love RA. All right. So we have Stay Woke. Yeah. He's not Wicked Queer. What if NBC proves that he was like a little, you know, like, yeah, I don't know what would happen. Then he goes out the window like, uh-huh. No, he has, Jeremy Ronick has to be 100% straight. If he wants to win this court case, he has to be like off the charts on the Kinsey's case. Yes. He has to basically be an incel. Yeah. He needs to go all the way to incel. He needs to be so straight that he doesn't fuck at all. Right. That he hates women. He has edges all the time. Yeah. Yeah. They're going to have to hook him up to a polygraph and just like put pictures in front of his face and just measure like it does his pulse. Incredible. When he sees it,
Starting point is 01:32:58 when he sees a nipple, well, guess what, Jeremy? It's actually guy's nipple. Yeah. All right. We have a stay woke. Mark Zuckerberg surfing has hit the internet and I, most people were talking about the fact that he is wearing way too much sunscreen. I noticed right away, the dude's got a fucking dunk. He has got cheeks. Uh-huh. Big time cheeks. Gotta ask for days. He does. It is. It is a dunk, a dunk in the trunk when he's on that. And you know what? I think that he knew exactly where the camera was. He's like looking so coily over his shoulder back at the camera and being like, I know you're going to picture this cake. Yeah. Maybe it's, maybe it's just cake peaches back in stock. So it's peach season. So he, uh, I think it's an ass implant.
Starting point is 01:33:42 And I was thinking about this, like Mark Zuckerberg, every famous rich person, I feel like does some type of cosmetic surgery. You would too. If you had a ton of money and you could fix something, you'd be like, all right, fine. I'm going to fix it. Mark Zuckerberg is a nerd though. So he can't like go get a new face or like he can't just do something that's so obvious. What he can do is get a fake fat ass. Yeah. I mean, you don't think so, Hank? No, because like tech guys are so, like he wears the same thing every day. But when does he have time to squat? There's no chance Mark Zuckerberg's fucking put in the orange. He was in the orange. He was in the orange every day. No, he was not. This is, that's not
Starting point is 01:34:22 nerd bod. It's not nerd bod at all. Yeah. That's not an ass. Maybe he has one of those standing desk things. No. Well, if he has a standing desk right now, he definitely spent at least 30 years of his life sitting on his ass. Right. That would flatten that thing right out. Billy, you think he might be on steroids? I mean, those like super rich dudes definitely get HGH in testosterone therapy. Like 100% like HGG. Like that'd be, that's like, I want to get to that level where I can just like get shot up by like a doctor. You're on that path. I have a theory actually. It makes sense with the timing of it. So remember Mark Zuckerberg went to every 50, he went to all 50 states because he was thinking about running for president. He is just trying
Starting point is 01:35:02 to get Kanye West to pick him as his vice president. So he's like, I got to get a big ass and Kanye will like be attracted to me like a moth to a flame. Yep. That might be true. By the way, what no one talks about in this photo is he's on an electric surfboard. Yes. Like there's a boat right next to him that's like ready to save him. It's the, it is the glamping of surfing. He's doing the whitest like I like don't, don't let me be in the ocean by myself for more than three seconds. Yeah. I'm pretty sure he's also bought like, he looks like Mrs. Doubtfire when like his mask goes out the window stuck with all the shit on it. A clown came on his face. Yeah, just like he's a weird looking dude. He is, he is the only person in the history of the world that
Starting point is 01:35:43 makes being standing up on a surfboard look lame. Like that is the coolest thing you could do is be on a surfboard in Hawaii and then you look at him and outside the fucking huge ass that looks sick. He is lame. Do you think that this ass is as good as the fake ass that Tom Cruise had in Valkyrie? Remember that one that we, we, dude, speaking of which we should, Zuckerberg should show up at Jeremy Ronick's trial. That is like that ass. Listen, that ass will turn anyone Jeremy. If you look at Mark Zuckerberg's picture for longer than two seconds. Fuck, man. He's dismissed. Fucking ass, ass, ass. Zuck. Who would have thought ass, Zuckerberg had a fucking ass. Damn. I think it's, it's 90% the stance that he's in though. Yeah, probably. I like a thick zuck.
Starting point is 01:36:30 There we go. Good job. All right. The only other thing I had was just a, it's not even a new segment. It's just a new thing that we need to start saying. Dwight Howard. No, not, not seeds. Dwight Howard saying he, he did Instagram live and he said, do I believe in vaccinations? No, I don't. That's my personal opinion, but no, I don't. So I think we just need to start throwing personal opinions out there for things that people really, really, really should believe in because it's science. I mean, is anybody surprised that Dwight Howard would have this take? No, he also said, I didn't know that the coronavirus be flying through the air looking for people. Okay. I mean, that's true. Yeah. It's probably is not looking for people. Exactly. No, it is. They're like tiny little
Starting point is 01:37:15 drones. Yeah, actually they are. Yeah, that's viruses definitely are looking for host bodies. We're looking for bats and took a wrong turn. They're just cruising. They're just looking for bros to hang out with. But my personal opinion, yeah, no vaccinations. Dwight Howard. That's, I mean, come on, man. We'll just cut that before you say Dwight Howard. Yeah. Yeah, cool. No vaccine. I vaccinated much. No vaccine. I over vaccinated much. I said, give him two. You say give him more shots on everything. Yeah, shots, shots, shots, shots, fucking double it up. Might as well. Speaking of that, I love vaccinations. Speaking of shots, dugs. Yes. What? RIP. RIP went out of champion. We think we're about to play the game. We don't
Starting point is 01:37:52 know, but this is actually way funnier if you lose. Fuck. All right. Well, let's do playing against Dana Holgerson, huh? Yes. Yes. Yes. 2021, even though he's not there, but yes or no, 2020, right? 2020. 2021. Okay. Jake is my history. It's in the future. So college football will exist. Yes. In 2021. Exactly with this. All right. We will see everyone Wednesday. Stay tuned because we have Billy's monologue overtake on me that he's going to have to do every single day now. Billy's final thoughts coming up next. Love you guys. So football is not, my senior football season is not happening. So I'm living a post football life where I like my career is over. And it actually is really like messed up my like cycle of the year. Like,
Starting point is 01:38:35 so usually I'm always preparing for the fall. Like I work out during the summer and like my like fluctuation in weight really just sort of relies on football. And like I sort of always plan my life around football, but up to this point now that it's gone, I don't really know how to operate in a way. So like, for example, like, I usually get fat in the winter. And then I trim down by the time football season's here. But now that it's not coming, I'm now just fat. And I don't have a reason to not get fat. And it's getting really hard. I don't really know what to do. So it's kind of weird. I think I'm going to try to be like a science teacher, football coach. I think that's where my dream job is. This doesn't work out. I got some other ideas for jobs. I can't be in the
Starting point is 01:39:19 special forces because too many people know my face nowadays. And I wanted to be, it's actually really disappointing. Every time I like more people like recognize me, it gets me really freaked out. Can't be a Navy SEAL. I can't be a Navy SEAL. Yeah. And then what else? My other plan was, well, first I want to be an NFL player. And then if I don't work, I'll be a Navy SEAL. And then like four or five as a science teacher, football coach. And you know what? It's a really hard time for everyone. Love you guys.

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