Pardon My Take - Dan Haren, Mt Rushmore Of Positions, And Jilly Football On A Wednesday

Episode Date: July 10, 2019

Our acclaimed intern PMTSportsBiz finally got Rovell to bite so that started the show (2:45 - 5:51). Hank reads all the ads. The Home Run Derby was fucking awesome and of course some no fun baseball writers had terrible takes (5:51 - 19:51). Hot Seat/Cool Throne including NBA reviews and Takies coming Friday (19:51 - 33:03). Former MLB Pitcher and Future Hall of Famer Dan Haren joins the show to talk some baseball, Lakers, intentionally hitting guys, grooving fastballs as an unwritten rule, and not answering our absolute dumbest questions (33:03 - 63:28). Segments include bachelorette talk for guys that don't watch the bachelorette, Mt Rushmore of positions, Floyd Mayweather got crossed up and Jilly Football joins the show for Guys on Chicks. You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take, we have Future Hall of Fame pitcher, Dan Herron. Oh, hello. You're wondering, you don't know whose beautiful voice that is? It's me, producer Henry Lockwood. You can find me on Instagram, at Henry Lockwood One, on Twitter, at Hennies.

If you're wondering why I'm doing these ads, it's because Big Cat lost a bet and he made me do the ads. So if you're upset at the fact that I'm doing the ads, if you're upset at why I'm doing the ads, you can tweet at Big Cat, at PFT Commentary, because this is all their fault. They made a bet, they lost, and as a result, I have to do these ad reads. So without further ado, also follow me on Instagram, at Henry Lockwood One. Let me know how I did on these ad reads. Comment.

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Let's go! It's part of my tape presented by BARSTOOL Sports. Welcome to part of my tape presented by the Cash App. Go download the Cash App right now. My good friend Henry Lockwood told you all the directions, but if you need more, put in code BARSTOOL, $5 to yourself, $5 to the ASPCA. And today is Wednesday, July 10th, and Breaking Moose. Thanks, Hank's not doing the cow because we have to do the cow.

Okay, so Breaking Moose, we're ready to start the show in a normal fashion and talk about the Home on Derby and the All-Star Game. But our intern, Jake, PMT Sports Biz, is now in a well, actually, off with Ravel. It was destined to happen at some point, and I'm honestly surprised that it lasted this long. But if you had guessed, okay, well, these guys hired Jake to be a sports business reporter for part of my tape, eventually Ravel will get mad. What will he get mad at?

You probably would have guessed, ding, ding, ding, a Reuben sandwich. Yes. But Jake was doing some behind-the-scenes reporting at the All-Star Game, found out what kind of new epic bacon-wind Sriracha sandwiches they had in store for the crowd at the game today. And he found a Reuben sandwich. What was it called? It was pulling up the exact name of it right now.

It was the All-Star Rally Reuben. And Jake tweeted out all the ingredients, gave you a little behind-the-scenes on it. And Darren, being the eagle-eyed sleuth that he is, said, one, you spelled Reuben wrong. Two, this was my content yesterday. So we got an old-fashioned turf war on our hands, a sandwich turf war between sports business reporters. So we're going to do this live right now, and I have the response for you. So he put his Reuben sandwich eating on Instagram, not on Twitter.

So you need to reply right now, because he just tweeted at you, said, see, here it is. Say, happy that you finally tweeted it, Darren. To your, happy you finally tweeted it to your two million followers, Darren, it would have been better to put it here first and not on Instagram, where you have 38,000 followers. That's good. Also, since he corrected your spelling of it, you spelled it the way they spell it at the ballpark, which is R-U-E-B-E-N. Darren was saying it's actually spelled R-E-U-B-E-N.

Yeah, maybe if you're a New York elitist and you're only used to spelling it your way. Well, guess what? In the Midwest, they do some things a little bit differently there. And that's fine. It's not flyover country, Darren. Okay? The real people out there. Jake, you just tell him that, I guess they didn't teach you, or it's no wonder that Northwestern

lost its accreditation if they teach you to correct other people's mistakes in reporting. That's good. That's good. Yeah, so pretty much to sum up what happens in July, well, we get into Turf Wars over Ruben Sandwiches on Twitter with Darren Revelle. That was our fucking sandwich. Welcome to part of my take. We got a big show for you, as Hank said, beautifully at the start.

Thank you. We won all the ads tonight because we lost the bet to him. Credit to Hank. You won the bet. Chris Neelich did not home run. He struck out, in fact. We have Dan Herron coming up. We have the Mount Rushmore of Positions, and we have Jilly Football on a special Wednesday

show. Guys on chicks. Wenye. Yeah, Wenye. Before we do that, though, should we talk about the home run derby? Yeah, let's talk about it. It was pretty awesome. It was pretty awesome.

Awesome. Vlad Jr. Big chunk boy. Love that thick little lad. He was up to bat, just mashintators over the fence into, he was hitting the scoreboard on every single shot. It was amazing. He is electric.

Shout out to all the people who cried and whined that Vlad Guerrero Jr. should not be in the home run derby because he only has eight home runs and is not an all star. You fucking suck, you people. You don't like fun because if you watch Vlad Guerrero take any of his practice swings like a week ago, you knew that he was going to be a show. You knew he was going to be awesome to watch and I want Vlad Guerrero in every single home run derby for the rest of time. He didn't get brought up until like part of the way through the season, right?

Yeah. It was, I think it was one of those. The Chris Bryant thing. The clock thing. Yeah, it was a couple of weeks or something. You get that earned. That earned a couple of weeks. Well, who knows how many home runs he would have hit.

True. In that extra week. True. I thought it was one of the better all, one of the better home run derbies that I've ever seen. Yes. But then on aggregate, he ended up dominating and winning, but he didn't win the derby itself because of the way that they reset when you go into the final round.

So he didn't win a million dollars, but he won the hearts and minds of all of America. I think that there should be equal pay for those who hit more home runs in the home run derby than the other. That's true. That's true. So Pete Alonzo won who he will be, Pete Alonzo will be a great, well, actually in like 25 years. Oh, yeah.

Oh yeah. Vlad Guerrero. Remember that 2019? Well, Pete Alonzo actually won with 23 homers in the final round. It's a great trivia answer. So I'm telling you right now, this is going to be a slumdog millionaire moment for you guys in about five years. You're going to be asked who won this home run derby.

Just remember it was Pete Alonzo. I'm Peter giving you money right now. Peter Alonzo. Yeah. I said Peter on like last week and Mets fans got very mad. Petey boy. Yeah. How would you feel?

Things they control. So how would you feel? Yeah. Not a lot. There's not a lot they can control. Putting the hard R on the end of their superstar. Careful. Careful.

They don't, they don't want that. Yeah. I think his name is Robert Bonilla that we pay $1.3 million a year to every single year for the next 75 years. How do you get over a pitching performance like that? If you're the, if you're his like uncle or second cousin or whoever, cousin Derek, cousin Derek, how do you get over that? Well, at the end of the day, you just got shown he well, he cousin Derek was terrible.

He was so bad. There was actually a take out there that we should not be crediting Vlad Gros Jr. because he had an actual soft toss pitcher, like his, the, the, the pitching coach was pitching to him and Peter Lanzo had cousin Derek, Matt Chapman had his dad who was like trying to strike him out. Yeah. He was throwing sliders. He was.

Cause that was his moment to shine. Yes. Yes. But so he, that, that take was awesome. But yeah, if you're cousin Derek, you got lit up, I'm sure you'll get a little bit of pay. It's great though because Peter Lanzo, I think is making like $500,000 a year and he just doubled his salary with just mashing taters in Cleveland and donated some to the troops

and donated some. Oh, look at that. That's nice. In Marlins man's town. Yeah. Cleveland. Very nice. We do that.

He doesn't go not because you can't see the front row, but because Cleveland fans were mean to him. That's right. That's on the record. He's got it. There's an invisible fence around Cleveland. Marlins man will never grace yourself as nothing to do with the fact that there's an elevated front row and you cannot see someone on TV.

Absolutely not. Not at all. They should have had Vlad pitching to his son. That would have been awesome. Although he would have just struck him out. So my idea was it when Jack Peterson and Vlad Grosz Jr. got to like the third overtime, they should have had to pitch to each other and try to strike each other out, which would have been great because they went on the swing off and had a million swings there.

What do you got there? I just wanted to update that we have to remember that breaking moves segment was brought to us by Chocolate Milk for real recovery that tastes real good. So we're new at the Chocolate Milk breaking moves segment as well. Just like Hank is new at the at the opening ad reach, but Hank, I thought you did a great job. Thank you. Even though you were being very nasty to us before the show started, you're doing great

too, sweetie. All right. Nasty indeed. So another breaking news is that we have PMT Sports Biz Jake, he's clapping back as we speak. So we will update everyone. I'm sure this will be really great to listen to after the fact. If you don't have Twitter and you're listening to this show, you're going to be so lost.

It is. We have the All-Star Game going on tonight as we're broadcasting, as we're transmitting this show to you right now. Balls are no longer juiced. Yeah. They took what Verlander had said to heart and they actually reversed them and made the seams higher for this game. So the big storylines coming out of the All-Star Game is Justin Verlander has said the balls

are definitely juiced, which I don't think anyone disagrees with, but Rob Manfred had to be like, we didn't intentionally do it. And if something's different, well, something's different. You know, the worst thing Adam Silver has done, he's made it so that every other commissioner feels like they, like people want to hear them weigh in on every small little like concern that your sport has. Yes. So Manfred's like, yeah, you know what?

What would Adam Silver do? He probably tweeted about it a bunch. He probably Instagrammed it. Yeah. So yeah. Went to the Sloan Conference. Listen, buddy, we don't care. Just give me all the dingers.

Give me the taters. And it actually is so appropriate to that Rob Manfred has to deal with this concurrently while Bud Selig is going on his book tour and basically trying to erase history and make it the Bud Selig history. Bud Selig wrote a book. Yes. He wrote a book where I'm pretty sure he barely like touched on the steroid air. But it was like, it was good for baseball, whatever.

He also doesn't own a computer, right? No. So he wrote a typewriter. Yeah. It's actually only one copy. Just him. Yeah. He wrote it out.

He goes to different cities and he reads it. Yeah. So I wanted to do something real quick with you, PFT, for the Home Run Derby, which was universally loved, like one of those rare things where it's hard for all star games. You see with the Pro Bowl, no one really, everyone gets mad about the Pro Bowl. Everyone gets mad about the dunk contest. The Home Run Derby, everyone was like, this is fucking awesome. And it's the middle of July and we got nothing else.

So rate this take. I got two for you. Hit me. Bob Nightingale said, how about instead of a home run contest at the All Star Game doing something the fans rarely see these days, you know, like a beat the shift slash bunting derby? That'd be great. I mean, I've said for a while that a Bunt Derby would be just amazing content.

Also, how about just an event where a batter walks and then sprints to first base? Yeah. Or how about Bob Nightingale? You learn the rules of baseball because isn't hitting a home run, beating the shift every single time. Like that's literally you just actually blew my mind right. You beat the shift when you hit a home run over everyone. That's very true.

So we did do a beat the shift contest. And it was great. And it was great. And so speaking, I'm going to rate that on was that on the Richter scale? Yeah. I'm going to give it, well, no, it can't be on the Richter scale because it's not a joke. Well, it wasn't a joke. It's a joke of a take.

Yeah. That's a very, that's a very solid take. I'm going to give it like a seven point three. Okay. And then we had speaking at Peter Lonzo, beating the shift all night, winning the beat the shift contest. James Seltzer, who I don't even know who that is. He wrote, he's a host and producer, sports rated go birds pod and this might be a Cardinals

fan. Okay. So he said Peter Lonzo is way too excited to win the home run Derby. I mean, a million bucks is nothing to sneeze at, but come on. So Peter Lonzo wrong for celebrating his celebration, doubling your salary one night. What's actually tripping the troops when you think about it. Oh, he's sorry. Because he's a Philadelphia guy.

It's go birds, Eagles. Because he makes 500 grand a year. Right. Yeah. So the million dollars, it's like, yeah, it's pretty. It's tripling your salary. So I can't do that. That blew my mind.

Yeah. Yeah. 100, 200%. Is that right? I don't do percentages yet. The only percentage I give is 110. He doubled his salary. He won double his salary, but he tripled his salary because if you add the salary back

in, that's this is why we have you, Jake. Anytime you want to speak up and let us know how to do math. So he is. So the bottom line is that he was too excited to win. Yes. Right. Yeah. I'm always on board for a take like that.

Yeah. The best way that you can ever win anything is by acting really upset that you want it. Yeah. This this event that is purely for entertainment and everyone's having a good time and it's one of those things where all baseball fans, it's not a regional thing. You can just watch and enjoy it. He had too much fun. Yeah.

The home run Derby is one of those things. It's very sacred in the game of baseball. Yeah. You need to treat it with all the respect and decorum of an actual game. Unbelievable ratio. Take a guess on his replies and in retweets, 1.7,000 replies, 20 retweets. Oh, you're close. 1,000 replies, 22 retweets.

So he did a little bit better than that. I'm in a zone. Either way, it was awesome. And then we had the all star game tonight where guys got mic'd up and I initially said while we were watching it, I was like, oh, here come all the columnists saying, wow, is mic'ing up baseball players going to save baseball because that's my favorite thing to write when everyone tries to save baseball. It's like baseball is baseball.

Yeah. You're going to like your team. You're probably not going to give a fuck about other teams and it's going to be a regional sport. And if you like it, you like it. And great. The only thing that ruins baseball is when the game ends in a tie. Right.

And we're not doing that anymore. So we were watching and they had someone at bat who was mic'd up, I think it was Freddie Freeman. And I have to admit. I think it might save baseball. With all that said, it could definitely save baseball. It was very, very cool. It was very cool.

I would like to see the umpires mic'd up. More than anything, what I really want, the only thing I want out of baseball is to hear what the managers are saying when they scream in an umpire's face, like when they're about to kiss. I think at some point, every argument they just scream like, I'd like to kiss you. Yeah. Because they're so close. You won't.

You won't. You won't kiss me. I'll kiss you, you son of a bitch. Yeah. If we mic'd up Joe West, there'd be so many straight farts on that mic. They would have to have like a 20 second delay to clean up all the audio. It'd be all farts and just audible chafage. And his neck sounds.

Hearing his thighs when he's walking together would just sound like two pieces of sandpaper that you're rubbing together at Home Depot. We're back with Joe West. Fun fact, you could actually start a fire just by putting some kindling in between Joe West's legs. Yeah. Or just get it right under, tuck it right under that neck. Under the gullet.

All right. So that was our Joe West roast of the day. What else we got? I mean, this is this is we are getting into the slow time of the year. It's bunting season. And I'm not talking about the Bunt Derby. I mean, like bunting that they set up around ballparks, the red, white and blue half circle flags.

Yes. Yeah. I go up everywhere. Love it. It starts this week. That's it's really a nice visual treat that carries me into football season. By the way, you know, I did this morning. Yeah.

I just turned on the Red Zone Channel just to see. Nice. Just a check. Like maybe there's a game on. Fox doing the football music for baseball is will never not fuck me up. It's stolen valve. And they have the robot show. NBC.

They use the NBC and NBA for what? For like, is that called basketball? Oh, yes, they do do that now. Yeah, yeah, they do. They can't do that. Yeah, no, it's fucked up. When you switch that we are Pavlov's dogs when it comes to our sports songs. Yes.

And if you play the Fox football music in the middle of July, I'm ready to watch the Cowboys and the Giants. Right. If I hear the choo, choo, choo from Brazzers at the start of a democratic already coming. I'm getting a boner. Yeah. I've already leaked some precom. Very simple people.

OK, let's do a hot seat, cool throne, and then we'll get to Dan Herron. But first. But first. Yeah, do an ad. Let's go. Do the ad, Hank. And also, everyone, go watch this episode on barstoolgold.com slash PMT. We're actually interviewing a cuddler, a professional cuddler tomorrow for Barstool

Gold today for Barstoolgold.com slash PMT that will be out shortly. So make sure you go download it right now and subscribe and buy it. It sounds awesome. You're also going to want to watch. Thank you. Yeah. And you get your free, you get to watch Ruff and Rowdy on Friday night, next Friday night from Fort Bragg in North Carolina.

So there's really, it pays for itself. Barstoolgold.com slash PMT. It's summertime. It's hot outside. And that means it's a bad day to be a Bud Light. It's time to break out your favorite Hawaiian shirt and stock the coolers with some crisp refreshing Bud Lights. Not only is it summertime.

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Bud Light is giving you and a friend a chance to give a getaway lifetime this summer. You can win two tickets aboard a VIP cruise to the Bahamas featuring Big Cat and PFT, a live performance by Jake Owen, and of course, plenty of Bud Light. For a chance to win, simply post your Bud Light summertime photos using the hashtags RealEnoughToGetAway and hashtag Bud Light Contest on Facebook and Instagram. See budlight.com slash RealEnoughToGetAway for more details. I like that you read the dot, dot, dot in there. That was nice.

That's awesome. You guys are going to get to go on a cruise. You crushed that, Hank. Just kidding. Ha! I'm not going to get on a cruise. I'm not going to get on a cruise again. I'm not going to get on a cruise.

I'm not going to get on a cruise again. I'm not going to get on a cruise again. I'm not going to get on a cruise. I was about to disparage cruises, and then I realized that they're part of the sponsorship. So I'm not. But you can probably guess where I was going to go with that. Oh man. All right, let's do Hotseat Cool Throwing.

Hank, you're up. Go first, buddy. Wow. Okay. My hot seat. You're such a great move. Speaking of cruises, yeah. I mean, I just love to read.

So it's like when I get the chance to do more. Did now you own my strategy was his reply to Jake saying you probably should have tweeted it out instead of putting it 38,000 such a fucking loser right go on. We're done with her though. Um, I hot sees sex island Okay, so there was a video ad today. Oh, whoa. Have you read the news recently? What okay? Never mind. Anyway That's a pft knows what I'm talking about. There's a fucked up story out there right now Anyway, sorry, I don't pay attention. That's why I try and stay light-hearted with my news Sex island there was a video ad that some guy from Vegas made where it's basically Firefest 2.0, but the point of the ad is that you will get flown out to sex island and there will be a hundred beautiful women there

It's under some it's under some scrutiny the cops are trying to shut it down. They said it's gonna get raided I don't know but that again This is hot seat cool throne and that's why sex island as great as it sounds. It's on the hot seat Sounds like it might happen. It's actually a peninsula. Yeah It's an isthmus. I also had people who thought a breaking bad sequel is coming out It's not no, it was a prequel It was they you know, they both like tweeted a couple weeks ago Yeah, that they just started their own like to heal company that got announced today. This is like the fucking Lebowski ad

Yeah, you can't do this. Yes bullshit. I don't like it. I don't like it at all. You know what just for that I'm going to Leave a negative review for breaking bad on Netflix bringing its total stars down to four point nine nine nine eight It's now a ninety nine point nine nine nine rotten tomato. Damn it And then the my cool throne is coach's challenges. Oh except There's no red flag, but the NBA board of governors have passed the implementation of in-game challenge flags for head coaches for the 2019 season, okay, so but it's bullshit because there's actual they're not gonna be throwing a flag

Yeah, it's just like a hand signal. That was clearly because they're like, all right We should do a flag and then they said wait no Greg Popovich will definitely kill a ref. Yeah So they cut that out my brain immediately goes to I'm gonna get screwed with some kind of bet On a challenge, correct. Correct. Absolutely, right? No chance that I'm gonna Sure, there's not gonna be a flag. Yes. It's just a wave I'm in support of the footballization of any other sport. I want there to be a flag It should know I should be is it should be the the the coach has to calmly go to the scores table and pour himself a glass of Sheesh, ooh, I like that a lot or just you know LeBron's just gonna take over all use of the challenges or or or

The before each game the coach follows all the refs on Instagram and then when they want to challenge they unfollow Oh, yeah, this league that'd be nice. That's Stan Van Gogh, he definitely would have gotten the flag like lost in his clothes. Yes, yes That was great Hank. All I know is that you Dan This is gonna fuck over the New Orleans pelicans in some way shape or form. Yeah, you know, this is I Don't know if I love this I get the point that you don't want to screw up late game stuff, but I'm firmly they already do the so much stop It's right, right, and I'm firmly in the stance that everyone who wants more replay and more challenges

What you're gonna do is you're gonna get a world where we can't complain about anything and watching sports is Half of it is winning and the other half is saying why your team didn't lose. They got screwed Yeah And so if you can't say you got screwed because they get everything perfect then you know what we might as well Just not have conversation anymore. What are you gonna be allowed to challenge? Can you I'm assuming like a three-point shot? It whether it's a two or three. Yeah, they are Stuff like sweet. What is it under under how many minutes because under two minutes? I think they already do that, right? So is it just any time in the game? It just says I didn't take too much into it. I'm just reading one tweet from Shams

But yeah, it doesn't say okay, so I'm guessing they they do so much under two minutes It's got to be just like it's got it. Yeah, it's got to be fouls Yeah, okay like fouls you shouldn't be able to do fouls. I mean, it's kind of like you know They should do NFL like you can't challenge personal foul charged to a coach's team a called out of bounds violation and goal tending and basket interference Violation so a personal foul you can charge you can you can challenge a personal foul if it's like a block or a charge Yeah, I just have Rex Chapman do a Twitter poll. Oh, whoa. Just already doing the board of Governors Is that something different or is he saying board of owners? Yes, no board of owners Stephen A Smith that a great

Yeah, I can't keep track of all this. I mean is it am I crazy to be like hey, they don't own the players They own the team right right? Yeah, that's insane. Whatever. Okay That's it. That's it. All right Pity what you got my dad. Yeah, there you go Hank. My first hot seat is men I've got a big what seat for men us guys boys because there was a gender reveal party in Australia Did you guys see that and the car exploded after revealing it like drove over a canister of powder and smoke and the car? Exploded and caught fire after it was revealed that it was a boy

What yeah, wait wait say it again So there's a gender reveal party okay in Australia. Yeah, or Chile and a car the gender reveal was set up So that a car would drive over a canister that would emit smoke and powder Okay, and it did it was a huge blue cloud But it also caught the car on fire and killed someone I don't think it killed anybody Oh, that was a boy It was the first it was the first case of toxic masculinity and that little boys life shit if actually if a car Explodes during a gender reveal that just means it's gonna be Kennedy. Yeah, pretty much. I mean congrats

You got a little tiny wipe it off the record. Yeah My other hot seat is internet trolls. Yeah, whoa because That's personal because the mooch Long-time award-winning watcher part of my take Unfollowed just about everyone so he was like a big Joey bats guy. No check and see if you made the cut Did we I made the cut? Okay, I made the cut. Okay, so I feel I heard yeah great mooch purge He unfollowed probably like 300,000 people in the last week or so savvy savvy mooch I still feel honored because I've got a direct line

To the guy that's got a direct line to the guy that's got a direct line to Fox and Friends I so I'm still very influential. I think mooch has the most photoshopped avatar of all time pretty much right now Pretty much so he unfollowed so many people I don't know I want to know what the process was like because you have to go through and do you think he unfollowed everyone? Yeah, and my my cool throne is internet trolls. Okay, also Schrodinger's trolls because The court just ruled today that the president can't block you on Twitter So Trump has to unblock Everybody that he has blocked that sucks for the people who are like in their bio or like blocked by Trump blocked by Trump

Yeah, it out blocked by Trump on on July 14th 2017 mm-hmm awesome my other cool throne is the climate Okay, because a metal straw one of those metal straws that we all love so much killed a British woman who fell on one I saw that I went through her eye into her brain and she died because she was using a reusable straw This is how Al Gore is fixing the climate just by killing off everybody. That's emitting carbon It's it's great because they're definitely gonna be who we like there will definitely be people like okay So what's more important all the sea turtles in the world or one woman's life? Yeah, you know well now you're making a good case

You know what's fucked up is I guarantee you won't see a sea turtle like Campanning to make a big change with the way they do anything to try to save our lives No, it was last time a sea turtle ever tried to take you out of like a Swirling rainstorm and a flash flood and rescue your safety never happens a lot to never happens It used to happen all the time in Disney movies. Yeah Hank. What do you got for in the trustry? I read a report about how California is gonna get absolutely like fucked with an earthquake soon Oh, yeah, and it's actually all the Pacific Northwest. Yeah fucking things gonna fall in the ocean. Yeah, maybe not want to move there Yeah, oh, yeah, well, I think actually Sacramento might be okay. We get inland. Okay, so we can do that

We can definitely get our town Arizona Which you do is you you squat out on some some desert land that will eventually become a beach Mm-hmm get it right the right up to the edge there. So you're off, California Just till the big one happens. Oh, then after that we'll go then we'll go squat on some some land Okay, I like go out to the zombie apocalypse Joshua tree we're coming for you. Hopefully the Indian Alps will still be there, right? Yeah, at least one man Not the lives but the in-and-outs Yeah, really matters. Okay. My hot seat is

the summer league the rest of the summer league except Cameron Payne who is in the summer league and he's just finished his fourth year in the NBA He is Competing in the summer league. I fucking love this I thought he was only allowed to do three years dude I when I saw the tweet saying campaign drop 32 points last night in the summer league I thought it was a tweet from like three years ago that someone was doing to fuck with everyone No, he is playing in the summer league this year. I'll be honest with you

My brain right now is just trying to think of a campaign finance reform. Yeah, so he's in I'll get there Okay, but he's in it. He's playing in the summer league for the after his fourth full season in the NBA It's incredible. I love this. I hope he leans into it. I hope he plays like 20 years in the summer league I hope he plays past when he retires from the NBA and he keeps showing up for the summer Yeah, you can it's kind of a red flag if your players don't want to play in the summer league It's like oh you hate basketball. You don't want to get better not campaign. No, no He's gonna show up. I'm surprised Lamar Odom isn't just showing up to summer league games. Just being like hey I'm good. He's in the big three. I think he wants to come make a comeback. Just let me hang out in Vegas for a week

I love one like a Mari Stottemire was like I'm gonna have a comeback in the NBA Well wine is back in the NBA. Hey, why don't you let Sam Decker? You know get signed first then you get in line Decker watch 2019. That's our mention. Everyone's talking about it Every single show Decker watch. Let's get everyone buzzing about it. All right My cool throne is everyone who is waiting to hear who wins Blake of the Year because yes The Takies are coming on Friday Friday. The Takies are here. We will have all the awards from this past year It's better than the SP's all the important awards. What are some of the straw a couple of the awards that we have listed Hank? But we are as of right now

We do not know who won Blake of the Year as of this taping The rules are simple. We have we've contacted Blake Griffin Blake Bortles and Blake Kepka and told them they will receive a phone call at any point this week The person to pick up the phone fastest will win Blake of the Year. Mm-hmm. I'm very excited about your of our year Lib of the Year Blake of the Year 19 year old of the year What are some of the ones that take of the year some of the ones from last year preemptive take of the year We had a couple new ones. We have a couple new ones, but they're not like of the airized

So I don't want to say them because it's like the answer. Yeah, uh Handjob of the year. Yeah, no system take of the year. Yeah, you would know we just ruined that. Yeah, okay But anyway, tune in we have a great show coming on Friday Actually, this is serious We're gonna have so many more celebrity guests that are going to be hosting the takies is here Yes, it's gonna be incredible. You're not gonna believe it. Well, star studded show of all time Star studded for sure. Star studded. Okay. Well, let's do it Dan Herron here and Hank, but first. Yeah Merks Merks Merks Merks is a little talk to me. Sorry

You it's okay. I just want to make sure that we're delivering quality ad Merks is a midwestern favorite. Can I say one thing before you do it? Hold on. Come on. One thing Geez, why did you only say it was me that did the bet in the start of the show and not PFT? Good question. I'm trying to do an ad please. Very confused. It was very confused When when PFT was actually the one who was most vocal about I got yeah, I feel left out I did too. I felt left out for you. Big head. You sound mad. Can I please say that? What I don't sound mad. I'm just very confused your anger was just at me I was just very excited and I was like so I was trying to get to the point where I plugged my Instagram at Henry

Walkwood one Let me know how I did on these ad reads and that I just kind of skipped over the beginning like I forgot to mention You do the ad read I forgot to mention the hot seat cool throne Mount Rushmore of Jilly football. So that's on me. Okay, hand up next time Won't happen. Anyway Merks Merks is a midwestern favorite premium cheese spread this new on-the-go Format is the first of its kind it allows cheese lovers to bring their go-to snack all over their go-to places Like the big game in a prop to party or a laid-back boat trip wherever whenever it's always better with Merks

Mini cheese spreads. Hank, what's your favorite place to eat cheese? I? Like to eat cheese probably on the beach Sometimes I like to eat Jumping off a cliff jumping off a cliff But the great thing with Merks it allows you to bring your own classic Merks flavors Wherever a game tailgate party backyard or even your couch for big bull tastes whatever the mood hits you try Merks mini cheese Spreads it comes in two bull flavors for whatever you're craving sharp cheddar for a bold classic taste and port wine like pft Or when you want a deliciously bold flavor of port wine and cheese blended together like big cat

I'm a port wine guy. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. She's uh, Dan here and now Dan here Okay, we now welcome on one of our favorite long-time recurring guests I think you actually were on the show in the first few months of the show. It is Former flamethrower Dan Herron future Hall of Famer Dan we're gonna talk about baseball, but I want to before we do that You are a die-hard Lakers fan. You have two Laker flags that you fly on your truck every single day Tell me how mad you are at Kauai

First of all, I live in California. I don't drive a truck. I drive a Tesla. Come on. Oh, wow. Okay. What kind? The model S is that better or worse than Blake's I just need to know in terms of my power rankings of guests. Yes What was the sticker price? No, it depends on what? What model he like would a battery he has my mind was the fastest one, but it's a little bit a little bit older Okay, I've had it for a few years. Did you also buy it because you're trying to quit dip and not go to gas stations anymore? No That was why Blake brought his No, that's that's great one last Tesla question. Have you seen the porn where they film it inside of Tesla that's driving down the highway?

No, I haven't you should check it out. Okay, so your Tesla has the Laker flags on it. Sorry I should have said that so so tell us what your thoughts Laker nation has had a bad showing in the last couple of weeks I'm sure you have a million burner accounts that you were tweeting it woge angrily Where where are you at right now with the 2019 20 Lakers? Well, I think the Clippers are better and I Wanted them to get a like a knock-down shooter To go along with those two guys. I was thinking like JJ Reddick somebody like that You know when they struck out on Kauai, it's just they got a bunch of kind of filler pieces

I mean, I guess they're a little deeper. Maybe then the Clippers, but I Don't know. I mean it's Anthony Davis's team. Oh the brawn I you know, I wasn't a huge fan of the whole LeBron thing in the first place and Here's all right He's okay. You're Kobe. I would I mean, I'd rather have Kawai the LeBron obviously Yeah, you're a Kobe guy though through and through so are you one of these Laker fans? It's like I will never respect LeBron's greatness because I'm a Kobe guy

It's not because that but I Was I was excited with the Lakers seem like they were building something with the younger guys I know they all turned out to be kind of shit but You know, it was kind of exciting to have those guys and how I was thinking more of somebody else joining I'm not LeBron and then, you know, obviously it all went to hell last year and You know LeBron blames all those all the younger guys, then he shipped them all out So have you have you ever been on a team like that when you have one guy that kind of puts the blame on everyone else?

And takes all the credit when things go well Mmm, I have I could I could think of a few guys like that. Yeah, do you want to give me some initials? Christian Yellen's no What do you do though? Like so I actually wanted to I just sent you a couple of questions beforehand and one of them was Clubhouse and like 162 games a guy's getting along What happens in the course of 162 games if the clubhouse isn't like everyone gets along Do people just keep to themselves or do you have those closed-door meetings? Like what was the the most intense closed-door meeting you had?

You know Honestly, it would be that team that I was on with Yelich. I think the the crappiest situation I was ever in was The manager got I was on two teams in the big leagues where the manager got fired and someone from the front office came To be the manager of the team and when I was on the Marlins that year It was 2015 the GM was made the manager after about a month and a half and That was the worst I've ever seen a clubhouse just because we couldn't believe that the GM was our manager

I Think at one point it was like we would usually a team plays music when they win games I think we were we would win a game and we would play like the circus music like Like that in the clubhouse because it was such a shit show. Yeah now is that Digging deeper into that like baseball players. I think you've touched on this before but Trusting analytics guys who maybe didn't play the game How does that work on a day-to-day basis with a lot of players because that's a that's a fascinating part of like the growth and Development of analytics how much you can tell someone like hey do this differently even though they didn't play the game. I

Think people were Opposed to it at first and then guys realized how much it works and you know, it's kind of What's good about my job is that I could I kind of do analytics type stuff But I can relate to the players somewhat. So, you know, I think that there's value in that But I mean guy when it first came When analytics was first a thing guys didn't want to buy it and now now they see how much it works And you could just see in a lot of people trying to get launch angle and the way teams defend now You know, it's made things a lot different

Was there anything in particular like while you were still pitching where there was Some stat that somebody came up to you and showed you that you were maybe like hesitant to adapt to or whatever But one that when you kind of changed a little bit of something you were doing to To kind of play to that that a piece of analytics a little bit that really helped you out. I Would say there was nothing specific When I when I was on the Dodgers though, they did they they really were good at Just putting together game plans. That's kind of how I started doing what I do and Really a bunch of guys there taught me how to break down hitters

Whether it's like cranky and the pitching coach AJ LS Kershaw was good at it And those guys were helped me out and kind of extended my career a little bit when I was Pretty shitty at the end The so the hot topic in baseball right now is juice baseballs. Are you a juice baseball truther? Do you think they're there's something different? Well, there's absolutely. I mean, there's something different. I don't think any I mean Manfred's the only guy that's denying this But I mean, they're on pace record pace for homers. They use the minor leagues the major league baseball in triple a and There's been like twice as many home runs

There's there's no doubt. I mean, it's juice that I just I can't believe they they keep denying it I mean, maybe they didn't intentionally do it, but they're They're definitely juice, right? I feel like that's what it is It's not intentional like no one said hey go juice the baseballs But over time something has changed where it's become like incredible What's going on now as a pit like as a pitcher and a guy who still deals with pitchers every day like what do you? What do you do for that? I mean you say well, this kind of sucks like we have no chance I don't say that

You should try it. No, I mean I try to give the you know, I try to give the pitchers the best Chance to you know limit slugging percentages and Keep the ball in the yard. That's for sure. But I mean, it's hard. I mean in Arizona We have a humidor and it's made a little bit of a difference, but I Made it home runs are up all around even for I mean Verlander was talking yesterday about how the balls are juice I mean starting the all-star game, but I mean he's given up a ton of home runs, too So, you know a lot of guys around the league are on pace to break their personal record at Homer So to deny the the juice baseball would be pretty stupid

So how do you how do you teach your guys to counteract that because everyone's trying to hit home runs now? That's like the swings are going upward. It's all about the launch angle. What do you tell your pitchers like? Hey, they're gonna try to tee off on you. Here's how you kind of get around that or pitch to their weakness Well, that's what we do. I mean, I try to I mean the best pitchers in baseball can pitch to a hitter's weakness So we're you know That's what I try to get across but I mean it's one thing to tell guys The hard thing is executing the pitch because most guys don't have You know great command, but the the best of the best have the you know have the good to have great command and can

You know harness the game plan. There's a difference being control and command That's something you got to say if you want to be like a baseball guy That's what did you get a pair of glasses when you got this new job, too Like to try to look like Greg Maddox because he always looked like I feel like umpires We're more likely to give him a strike if it was on the corner because they knew we were glasses They're like this guy's smart No, I don't wear glasses. That's the I haven't gotten a pair of glasses, but The job has been all right, you know, hi. This is my third year doing it

You know, I there's only so much you could sit around the house and you know when when the You know that even that right now with the all and thanks for having me on the worst sports day of the year by the way The Espeys are tonight. Yeah, come on man huge day. Yeah. Yeah, I know and I Wanted to ask you to speaking of juice balls. How is it being a dad? Oh, it's good. It's good I mean a dad life is definitely different. I That was actually like the first time I was able to use it in a text message I texted Dan yesterday and we got our times crossed and he's like I'm with my kids now and I just replied As a father, I understand

So I totally get it. I know it's hard. Yeah, how are how are your pugs doing? Oh Man, there's my old time 14 he's had a couple he's had two instances in the past month where I think he's having seizures and He starts laying down and like running in place, but he's laying down and he empties his bladder out But and then like five minutes later, he'll just bounce back and be totally fine So just get just get a high when he does that he's just having a good time having a sweet dream And the other one I got was actually I adopted him when I was in when I was playing for the Cubs. I took him home and He's he's crazy. I I mean, he's not he's not a very good dog either, but

How many pieces of clothing or coffee mugs do you have with pugs on them? I Could think of a few Of course and I have the the pugs not drugs Yeah, yeah, what about a plug you have a pug life shirt, maybe I had that a while back and No, that one got donated to Salvation Army. What about what the pug are you looking at? Oh, that's a good one No, I don't have that one. No bumper stickers You don't have like the stick figure family with like two little pugs at the end of it

That's next level. Yeah Yeah, all right, so I you're a baseball guy we're baseball guys I just said there's a difference between command and control. We know what that means But to other people explain what that means. Oh Man, I guess Command I don't really know what that means though. I'd be lying to you if I told you what that So it's just something people say command is where you tell the ball to go control is where the ball action Where you want the ball to go? I always thought control was like you won't just start throwing like Rick Ankeel

Into the backstop command is like oh I can I can paint the corners here. I Mean, I would assume most people at the big league level would have Control then yeah, but command. I mean, I guess that you know what control would be throwing strikes Maybe command is Being able to throw quality strikes like put it on the corner. Maybe nice quality strikes. That's a good one Have you ever been in a game delayed by bees? Yes, what's that like? Whoa, are you like are you afraid that you're gonna get stung? No, I I'm not I'm not allergic or anything. So it's no big deal. I think it was a game was in San Diego

And there was like a beehive in the outfield or something or swarm of bees in the outfield But no, I'm not I'm not afraid of bees. I've been stung by by worst thing to be So when you you wrote the whole story when you retired about You know every day that you got the ball you would wake up you don't take a modium You were worried about the wind all these things Did you watch the London series and have any like holy shit if I was pitching here? This would be the worst experience of my life I did watch some of that I mean, there's been a lot of games this year where I would thought where I thought this would be the worst experience of my life

It's like, you know, it's like even doing these, you know game plans for say the dime backs are going into college Colorado is like I could send in these game plans. Here's how you should pitch these guys, but I'm sure I'm thank God I don't have to pitch against them because I Mean, I couldn't imagine. I mean the thing is that the type of pitcher that I was is just completely gone now Like there's there's not too many guys. I mean, there's a few like crafty lefties, but very few crafty righties I was one of the last Crafty righties That's for sure. So so explain to the people then how Kyle Hendricks continues to be awesome

Because he's like he doesn't top out Yeah, oh okay got a really good thinker and a great changeup. So I my fastball Had little to no movement So I had to put it exactly where I wanted it. So that's why call Henderson is good because the stinker's nasty. Yeah Who do you think is is the most gifable pitcher in the game today? Good question. The most gifable. Yeah. Yeah, really gives it's a gift spot That's a tough one. Why didn't you text me this question last night? I just thought of it right now out of it I don't know

Like the nastiest Yeah, we have we have asked me price for listening if he thought price Harper was a bitch and he was like No, he's my teammate. Wait, wait. So when we take gifable, we're talking about like pitching ninja movement Yeah, stuff like that. So who has the nastiest movement? Oh Uh, you know Strowman's got a really good sinker. He's one of my yeah, I like his sinker a lot Um, but yeah, it's got to move the ball around auto vino. I think with the Yankees got a really good slider that moves crazy, okay Curveball too, you know, he's the ethos. Yeah, well, the ethos is awesome. What is an ethos pitching?

You don't know how to discuss Ravenscroft through the ethos Yeah, I think the like if uh curveball is below 70 miles an hour. They just category Categorize it as an ethos. Oh, I could throw an ethos then. Yeah, every pitch your fastball would be an ethos Yeah, exactly. Um, did you see the joe madden versus joe west little spin move thing? Did you ever have any run-ins with joe west? Um, I did. I mean, I didn't ever got tossed by joe west, but You know, he's always he he likes to get into the action. He likes to get on tv Um, but it was a hell of a block technique. Yes by uh, joe west Yes, I mean he's got the good center of gravity

And you know, he's kind of he wasn't fazed by the spin move No, the lateral quickness was something that you can study on film. You sink your hips and you explode Yeah, no, it's natural. That's all natural the gullet. It's tough to get around his neck. Yeah Um, all right the sea keek question put in promo code taking a $10 off sea keek purchase In 2016 your first time on this show it was right around this time in 2016 You correctly predicted cubs versus indians in the world series Do you want to give us a world series prediction right now that you can be correct about? You didn't I think you asked me this last year. Oh, yeah, you can't fuck. Let's say diamondbacks

Yeah, I have to say the diamondbacks. Yes. Okay against against Um, the yankees. Okay, the yankees little throwback to what was that 2001. Yeah, uh, yes. Yeah, yeah Uh, was that the mo no. Yeah, that was yes. Yes. Do you think uh, kershaw is still not clutch your good friend clinton kershaw? Uh, did he ever come on the show? No, we I asked you many times We were trying to get him on the show. Yeah, and you well, no, hold on. Hold on back up I asked you and you didn't try I didn't try. I told you that I asked him, but I never asked him. Yeah, I know of course. Yeah I know that's a great way to get out of something too. Yeah. Yeah, it's a great excuse. No, I didn't and then he actually didn't do it

Yeah, yeah, that's a fucked up. You're not gonna get me to say anything bad about kershaw. I'm not gonna do it. So So dan we have done the mount rush more of Unwritten baseball rules. Tell us a couple of your favorite that you just like, you know Whether it be no bunting on a on a perfect game or no bat flips What what do you love and what do you hate about the unwritten rules of baseball? Uh Oof, let's see. What I mean of the unwritten rules that I would abide by Would I didn't step on the line, you know, when they when you cross over to to the mound. That's a classic one. Yep

Um, let's see You know one that I had a lot back in the day You you'd have to throw the pitcher like the opposing pitcher fastballs, but I was never I was really big on that and now Now no pitcher gets fastballs, but you know, I wouldn't I didn't love that. I mean, there's so there's just There's so many where I don't know. What guy which ones do you guys like? I just like the one where the pitcher goes up to bat and he's wearing the warm-up jacket. Yeah, that's always a good It's like I don't I seriously don't give a fuck. Yeah, no stealing when you're up big late Uh, which I always laugh at because that's prime time big guy stealing phase

We're like, you know, that's when like Rizzo will rip a bag off and you're just like, fuck. Yes. This is great Um, are you serious though? The the it was an unwritten rule that you would get only fastballs when you were up I mean So like if I was hitting Against the if I was hitting and the pitcher threw me a first pitch fastball, I would throw him a first pitch fastball I love that like a little honor code. That's awesome. Yeah do want others. That's nice Um, but then would it be against the code to swing at that first pitch fastball? No, absolutely not. You let it fly

Oh, did you ever give up a home run to an opposing pitcher? Never That's nice. Sure You've hit a home run though. I don't think so. You hit a home run, right? I hit two. I hit one off, uh Chris carpenter and one off bronce in the rail What's your mindset when you get that because I know you you probably don't want to show up the other pitcher because you are a Pitcher and you probably don't like it if somebody like throws a bat

You know 10 feet up in the air, but you have to be really excited in the moment So like how how did you react when you hit those dingers? I was really excited, especially the one off chris carpenter Just because I came up as a rookie and he was one of the veteran guys and uh It felt good felt good to get him and it's hard because When a pitcher hits a home run or at least when I hit him, I didn't know it was gone for sure So I was running out of the box

So it's not nearly as cool as like if I hit it and just stood up on it right right the hey Did you ever get hit by a pitch? I'm sure you did I did I got hit I got hit when I was uh a few times, but one time I got hit when I was on the cardinals And uh It's kind of a bench clearing thing happened because I got hit by Matt Clement Um, yep, and then when I came out on the mound, I hit Matt Clement Or and then the bench is cleared. It was pretty great Matt Clement all-time facial hair. Did you get to throw any punches?

I did not Well, I've only been in like I've been in a few brawls The only bad ones I was ever in was in the minor leagues. So what happened there? So what happened there was actually so Joe we're in I was in Abel quad cities. Joe Maurer got trucked by Uh, one of our guys, I think it was Chris Duncan and then Chris Duncan came up to bat and they started uh Duncan bench is cleared kind of so everyone was out on the whole like uh via the pitchers mound and I was talking a lot of

Shit because I didn't think that there would be a fight Um, and then a fight broke out and I had talked a lot of shit Like while everyone was arguing and I got dropped by I don't know who it was Um, I I didn't even see the punch come in broke my nose. I fell down Bleeding everywhere. I had to walk off the field like a jackass Oh, wow. I I'm I'm looking at this right now I remember this because this is the classic like when dusty baker and tony lorusa would just hate each other In this yeah, if you look it up on youtube, you can find it. Yeah. Yeah, I'm looking up right now. Matt Clement

I fucking love I love Matt Clement's fucking facial hair. He had just the bushiest bushiest chin Just mustache, whatever you call it like jay buehner. Yeah, it was just a huge bush at the end of his chin Like animal from the muppets was trying to grow out of his the bottom of his head that doesn't play today That's that's very much a late 90s early aughts Look for a pitcher. Yeah Bonus points if it's just bright red too. Yeah, like a big target. Um, did you ever work on Pretending that you didn't mean to hit somebody after you hit him with a pitch Uh, I never worked on that

Trying to think if there was anyone, uh, I mean I hit quite a few guys on purpose But most of the time they knew it was on purpose, but no one ever charged them out on me Oh, you're such an intimidating intimidating. God damn it. What was your what was your move that you would do? Like after you hit somebody on purpose. Was it like hang the head turn around? Yeah, or look at the dirt, you know, like I flipped a little bit. Yeah, uh, damn Or like look at my hand like my hand is wet. She made outside. Oh, that's a good one too. Yeah, sweaty palms Gosh, this is a fucking blast in the pet. This is fucking so long ago. I'm looking at the youtube right now. I love it I love it. Good podcast. It's invigorating for the listeners. Um, all right. Uh, any other questions for us, Dan?

I know you're always self-conscious and you think that you don't do well, but you fucking crush it If people love you stuff, I appreciate it. No, I got no questions for you guys. Thanks for coming on Uh, you know, wish you the best best and father fathered them. You don't you don't even listen anymore, dude I don't I honestly I haven't listened in a year. What the fuck one man. What's what happened? I like the mount rushmores. Um, What do we do? I don't know man. What what do you listen to now? Uh, we'll beat this out. Bill Simmons. Oh god. Jim Mariotti. Yeah, jim war. Yeah. Yeah, jim rom. Yeah, you're big time jim rom and I we work out together jim rom Okay, tell us more about that. So yeah, you go to his private gym

Yes, we go to our private gym in our community. He's a big elliptical guy. Oh But he kills it. He will kill it on the elliptical. Really? I'll get in He will have been on the elliptical for a while. I'll get in like he's sweating already when I get to the gym I'll do a workout do some cardio and I leave and he's still on the elliptical First one in last one out. I got the sweat going. Wait, do you do you still get your shots up? Do you get in that in the basketball gym? You how's your jumper looking these days? It's not good Uh, what I was supposed to have my hip replaced in october and I chickened out How old are you? Jesus christ, dude? Yeah, I know it's been it's been a whirlwind few months for me

I'm supposed to have it done in october and I chickened out. Um, and then I went to the dentist for the first time in 10 years And this was because I was so scared of the dentist and turns out I have to have like a gum graph and root canals and all this and so I had Surgery set up for july 17th. I was supposed to go under for five hours And I just got back from vacation in mexico and I canceled because I don't want to do it. No, come on din You have to go dude. We need you around. Yeah, you can't get an infection in your mouth What made you decide to go to the dentist? It was it hurting? Did things just get too bad? Um, I saw my gum line receding in my in the back where I have a couple of crowns and uh

I was concerned and I went in and The news wasn't good So what are you gonna do? I've done this with uh with root canals before I I once went in and they uh I was supposed to get two root canals in the back and I got one and I just said no moss I'll come back for the other one and I waited like six months and it got even worse So don't do this. Yeah, are you gonna you got to do it, man? I eventually I I'll man up, but it was funny because like every time you get a physical in baseball Like you see the dentist and they're like, oh, you have cavities and the next year they'll be like, oh, you have cavities

Okay, okay, okay, and then I retired So I didn't have to go to the dentist and then I noticed that I'm losing my gums on one of the sides. So I'm like, oh Jesus, what are you eating? Yeah, Jesus That's so weird that uh that part of a physical for baseball is they send you to the dentist What else do they check because guys dip Yeah, and they want to know if they're getting a guy that's yeah, that's got gum disease. Yeah, that's smart. Yeah Fuck man. You got to get you got to get to the we need you healthy. What are you doing?

It's the dentist. I'll be okay. Don't worry. It doesn't sound like you got a receding gum. It doesn't sound like a thing All right, last question for me the most important question When are you gonna get back to tweeting because I see you on twitter you're liking things you're active, but you don't tweet I know it's It's hard because it's almost It's like a situation where I've waited so long like I There's so much build up now. It's uh my tweet being good that I'm stressed out about that too I don't I can I be can I be honest with you like a hundred times a day?

It doesn't matter if your tweets are shitty, but if you tweet once a year like it better be fucking good That's true. But like there's no yeah Do you think people are waiting for the next Dan Herron tweet like I am I mean not of course not but I know I've Like I go on twitter and I do like things and I notice I I keep losing followers. So I understand that but um I mean, I don't know I I really I want to do it plus. I have a real job so I can't You know comment too much whether it be on You know Serious shit like politics or religion. So oh, what are your thoughts on those?

You're gonna vote for Trump again No, I'm anti-trump. I'm anti-trump an anti-religion man. Come on. There you go. Those are two good spots to be in I'm putting on I just put on notifications for you. How about this? I'm waiting How about you tweet out this episode of pardon my take tomorrow and then everybody reinforced Dan and tell him how great he is online Yeah, everyone be like Dan. That's this was a great tweet man. Mm-hmm I'll figure something. I'll maybe I'll tweet. I'll try to tweet before the before this comes out. Oh wait I know what it is. You're at 999 tweets Am I really? Yes

So the thousands better be good, dude. Mm-hmm. Holy shit This is not this isn't good. How much more pressure we just put on you notifications are on And 999 tweets You got to just tweet the problem the problem is too like I don't do that much Like I just don't do anything. What do you mean in life? Don't golf. Oh, yeah Like I don't golf. I mean my job like after this. I'm gonna head down to starbucks and do some work on my computer like That's it. And then like I'll start drinking and then that's More more pictures. I'm gonna watch tonight. There's nothing on so well the all-star game you can watch that

Oh, yeah, when is this When is this a thing coming out? What are we? Oh, this is coming out tomorrow. So, yeah, I guess sbs is what we would say to people Yeah, yeah, I don't know. Can you gamble on the sbs right? You're probably are. I'll take some bets You probably are I could probably figure out a way to gamble on the sbs. There's a summer league, dude Summer league's been awesome. You gambling on the summer league. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Did you see that the last night? China was a 25.5 underdog Against the hornets. They won outright I did not see that. Okay. So no, you're not paying attention. Well, there's also like there's a chance

The way that it's set up, uh, there's a chance that they might make up the earthquake game by doing a coin flip to see who advances Oh, you're gonna be able to bet on That would be awesome. Do you believe I was in Mexico for the earthquake? Yeah Are you upset that you played a sport that didn't have a coin flip? Uh, no, I'm not coming. I don't think about that every day. No, it's the best part of the game Best part of football. Wait, are you a rams fan? Um, not really. I mean, I my parents grew up in New York and I was raised a jets fan. Oh, that's unfortunate Damn, it's been rough. Yeah, that sucks. Sam darnold though

He'll be awesome. USC southern cowboy. No, I think things are looking better. Okay. Um, all right, dan Will you crush this? We're waiting for your tweet. Please tweet tomorrow. Please. Okay, please I'll tweet something. All right. I promise. All right. Well, thank you very much for coming on. It's always fun Always fun talking to you and uh, hopefully we'll see you soon. We go to southern california tonight. We just never See you because you're just like, yeah, you text you text me like when you're at the airport leaving That's that's I missed you. Oh, that's like the kershaw thing I just did the kershaw thing to you. I actually have one last question I forgot to ask you so you work for the diamond backs when you tell people that you work for the d backs

Do you make sure to say d backs and overemphasize the ck so they don't think you're saying d bags? That's a good question All right, dan, thanks so much, man. We'll talk to you later. I'll see you. Oh, thanks, man. That's awesome. Yeah That interview with future hall of fame or dan heron was brought to you by simply safe Did you guys know that most break-ins happen between 6 a.m. And 6 p.m. In the middle of the day? What? Yeah, according to that's the part where we start zoning out during the ad reads The average loss. It couldn't be me the average loss of burglars over $2,000

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For any first-time purchasers when you purchase any me undies product you get 15% off and free shipping. That is a big fat Duh get 15% off Is that off script? No Get 15% off a pair of the most comfortable undies you will ever put on Uh to get 15% off your first pair free shipping and a 100% Satisfaction guarantee go to me undies.com slash take that's me undies.com slash take That was awesome. Hank. Thank you. And again, I'm sorry that I had to do these ad reads Uh big cat and pft kind of forced me uh into the bet and I won so

If you have any complaints, please just send them their way. I did my best No, you just add you asked people for feedback on your ads at the start of the show. Oh, yeah Where where did I where did I lead them to to you? Where? Uh app are still big cat app pft and your cash app account. Uh-huh. Yes All right, that's it, right? Yeah, I'm done. Yeah, fuck. Yes Okay, let's get to our segments and our mount rush more Hank, let's start with bachelor talk bachelorette talk for guys that don't watch the bachelorette and I've been judging on just social media feels like things got spicy recently

Really? Everyone's been talking about luke p There was also a grandfather. He's been talking the whole show. Oh, this is well, let's get into it I I didn't watch last night myself. I hear the notes Oh, I was hey daddy cat. That's guys on checks. Uh, Hannah Hannah visited luke p's family in georgia where he Got up in front of everyone and talked about how after living the life of sin He found the lord while taking a shower in college You know, what's really interesting about people that are that young that find the lord is they usually don't have anything That's scary that keeps them away from guidance. Like I used to swear a lot back in the day and on uh,

There were a couple of days day told me to go outside. No loan. I only did half the loan The golf course I lived on got hit by lightning once because I was I was dark man. I was in a dark place It's crazy. Lord forgive me for my transgressions when I didn't screw the cap on the jelly all the way Was that jerry jones? That was uh, that was bros perot. Shout out ross perot. You're dead dead guy RIP shout out. You're dead legend But luke p was the villain of the season and apparently he had a very nice family and a sweet gray mother So it's like all the haters of luke p. It's got it. So he's like, oh, he's somewhere deep down He's got a good upbringing and not a bad guy. Yep

okay Hannah visited jeds family in tennessee Jed's mom doesn't think jed will propose to hannah And jeds sister told hannah that she doesn't think it's a good idea for them to fall in love Jed's sister sounds like a real wet jacket. Wait, so he's tennessee jed. Yeah, got it. So jeb sister deep cut It's a grateful dead song. Okay What so what are you gonna say drug guy? Yeah, uh big time To me, it sounds like jeds or jeds sister is a big wet blanket

Like she she probably told him that she didn't want him to go on the show from the beginning Yeah, she's like, you're not going to go on that show you'll make a fool of yourself So she's trying to kneecap this whole thing before it even gets started sounds to me like maybe she's in love with her brother Mmm, tennessee. Wow. This this is jaw dropping Hannah couldn't decide who to give the final rose to jed or luke p So She gave them both a rose Which means hannah will have four fantasy sweet dates instead of three. She just wants to fuck. Those are the dates where they have sex

Yeah, thank you for that Trent. Yes, thanks Smart move by hannah. Wait, that's actually like you got it. You got a test drive the car before you buy it Yeah, that's a really smart. I feel like that's got to be some type of like bachelor faux pas Yeah, no hannah. Just a way to home run. Yeah letting the balls play. Yeah. Yeah, right exactly This is one of those things where you shouldn't do it But there's no specific rule saying that you can't do it. This is what we call a life hack She's hacked the bachelorette by having more sex She was like, I realized that I could get more laid than other bachelorette as a sex positive podcast

This is a great move. How many times I honestly though with hannah. I want to I want to be surprised if she goes over four Oh, like by just having sex and being like, no, I don't like it or yeah Like she'll she'll end up like crying and just like not even no no one will get a fantasy Wow God, well If she might have sex five times because Jed says her might be involved. Yeah, that's true That's a double team right there. All right. So who do you guys got? Uh, what are the names left? I'm gonna go p. Jed

Tennessee Jed those the only two that were on the notes this week So I'm gonna go with Tennessee I'm gonna go with Luke the guy that found god because he cussed too much in eighth grade Okay, in the shower too. Remember that's key. Oh, yeah You know what you find a lot of things in the shower that you weren't necessarily looking for he stubbed his toe And he Danny cost and then he found god. Mm-hmm beautiful. Uh, okay. Let's do our mount rushmore mount rushmore of positions Very open-ended. This is pft. I think you're up first. I am up first. Yeah, and then Hank than me We got it boys. We got this. All right. That was actually the the fact that we were able to do that

Holy shit. We're finally on board easy number one for me Lying down. Okay horizontal. Okay chilling. You can do so many things when you're lying down It's very perhaps the most versatile of positions. Okay Hank that was my number one as well. Whoa. Um, it's a it's a high seed Fuck damn. I'm just worried about you know What do you got not saying something and then a word like it's like it's like poker It's like I think if I don't say this I'm gonna get it back on the back end You know if I don't get it then I don't know it's open-ended. It's tough

ass eating season Doggy style. Okay. Okay. Would you have taken that? Nope? All right. I would I'm taking quarterback And reverse cowgirl. Okay. All right back to you uh Prince Reverse cowgirl more fun to watch than it is to do Well, you I mean this is doing watching whatever you want to do. Yeah, I mean my legs get tired But you can be your favorite position to watch it also counts it

Okay, what was it prince prince prince as a royal position being a prince prince being a prince You don't have to do shit. I think it kind of sucks But what because you probably have no pressure because your parents were related. No, no pressure No pressure. You got all the money in the world. There's pressure, dude. No, it's like dude What are you talking about? There's cameras in the country is falling around all the time. That's the king No, you has to worry about you don't know your history. No, and if you fuck up Then somebody might name like a penis piercing after you later Yeah, and if your dad's an asshole and if your dad dies early

And then you become king early You're gonna basically fuck up because you're gonna be a little shithead. Well being the second in command like I forget Which one that's not a prince. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so that's all Harry and uh, what's the other guy? Harry, do you want to do you want to say first born prince or second born prince? Second second. No, just prince. Okay. All right. Just the artist formerly known as prince. Yes. All right, p All right, pft. You got two. Uh, my next one is going to be full back Okay, going full back the building blocks life as a full back. Um, and then number three. I'm going to go with Girl on top. Okay

Okay That's very that's a cousin of lying down. Yeah, so it was reverse cap girl. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I'm going to take sitting Sitting okay sitting. That's a good one. What's your favorite thing to do while sitting Hank a lot left here Um, wait sitting. Okay, so then I'll okay What's my favorite thing to do while sitting down? I don't know petting your cat. Are you getting a haircut? Hmm, that's kind of nice. I guess I'll go with okay, so I'll go with reclining reclining hasn't been taken But that's not a position. I had what are you talking about reclining? How's lying down a position sitting's a position but reclining is reclining plays because that's 100% of position

It's like the the uh, nice middle ground the goldie lock zone between laying down and sitting I What is the face you're doing to me right now? How how do you tell me that lying down is position? Sitting is a position and reclining isn't A good recline. You can do it in an office chair. You can do it in a lazy boy You you can do it even when you're you can only do it when you're sitting down You can only recline when you're sitting I just upgraded it's like section one is sitting and then you go into the subsections recline

Well, you can't just introduce sitting version 2.0. Yeah, I did a better version of sitting So that's all right. I just cut your pick jake put an asterisk. All right, my last one I'm gonna go a little off the board here reclining is just it's sitting with added features I'm gonna go the position of uh, marijuana and gambling should be legalized. That's a good position I want everyone to have that position strong position. We need that position Who all right, uh, whoo This is it's got contentious. Uh-huh now. You got me thinking. Yeah. Yeah better come with that noise. There's still there's still a lot left Hmm, you know, do I go with like world war two fun fact? Oh

I would like to know you can do that for honorable mention. You Hank's always squeezing world war two shit into random stuff Cool, man. You read a history book. Yeah, we got a 11th grade. I just realized I wrote prince twice. I'll just go Uh, the other prince bench coach bench coach. Oh, that's a good. That's a good position. Get the boys riled up You know, that's the no stress like you're clearly a locker room guy Can I get the boys riled up? You know between second prince and bench coach is hank a beta? Yeah, he's kind of the guy who doesn't want any of the pressure and just hangs out Hank you want to be a round success. Yeah, but you don't want to be driving. I mean, that's pretty much. It's pretty obvious All right, pft your last one that we'll do honorable mentions a position of strength

Oh, so when you're negotiating or the deal negotiating against somebody. Yeah, you should always do it from a position of strength That's true. That is true. All right. What do we get? What do we leave off? I have um, I had pitcher Pitcher middle reliever middle reliever. I guess you could do that's kind of a reclining sitting thing Well recliner the the middle reliever. That's a major hank pick. Yeah, that's like, yeah, I don't want to be the closer I want to be the starter. Yes, uh-huh. Um, footballer first class. That's a good position Right. That's that's a position. It's a position of boarding Yes, a position is is a place that you like sit or located at front row. That's a position Yeah, I would say front row is overrated

Front row is over a big time over. I named one event that is significantly better front row that isn't better second row Strip club No second row is way better. I don't know about that. You don't get hit with the juices. You don't have to wear a poncho Yeah, I don't know what kind of strip club you're going to rather be whooping it up. Um, I'm gonna go with pole position Pole position is a good one. Uh, let's see driver's seat wide receiver Wide receiver is a good position. Could be worse positions kicker No, disagree. Okay. I kind of I was a kicker. Okay, and I said that so that sucks. Yeah, so very relatable to just you No, so it did suck

Yeah, golly. I was golly too. Being a golly would suck. It's golly too. It sucked confirmed Uh midfield for rugby. Yeah midfield We don't have being like an offensive lineman would suck. I mean, we love our offensive lineman, but it probably sucks guitar Taurus Yeah, that sucks confirmed basis is definitely Not the best position in terms of the hierarchy of a band, right? Yeah, it's like bass and drummer typically hang out together like the keyboardist the keyboardist usually has the weirdest sex He's not Taurus gets usually in the band. He's like, yeah, they usually just put him in the song writing question

And they don't take a picture and put them on that's true. It's fired. Yeah blogs. Um, let's see Oh, how about this position? This isn't very specific Uh, you know when you got a really fart bad and you can't and you get on all fours And that's a good position. No, I honestly you you do doggie style to yourself to myself to fart. Yeah For sure. I honestly say You guys have not had a fart bad enough I think maybe your butthole is just too tight. No, man. Listen, you guys have not eaten enough food This has never happened enough to your body. You have to fart you fart

You know, if you can't get it out hank No, the big the best position for farting is just go sit on the toilet Hold on you told telling me hank that you've never had to fart and just can't like Like you just feel backed up and the way I know that I have to fart is when I'm about to fart So it's like, oh, I got a fart. My body is not like Yeah, my body operates at such a high efficiency that I can never do I can never not do something that I need to do It's also the position that you get when you get hitting the nuts really hard

You get all all fours like that. Yes. Sometimes you get that out bend over hand on your knees. Yeah Well, I've never gotten on my knees to fart though. Oh, that's an interesting. Oh, yeah, all fours all fours I mean dogs do it all the time. Yes, exactly And you know what all the time now you kind of bring up a good point because we really just for eye to eye Like non-stop correct because he's always in that position He's literally ready to fart position. Uh, that's what we call it fart or break news And I'm all out of news someday my son's gonna come out and be like, well dad. Why are you on the floor? I got a fart. Mm-hmm. Son. This is how we fart. What are this house?

This is how we fart. What other position sitting down to pee early in the morning as you're waking up. That's a nice one I like to just let it fucking fly a little treat for yourself. Sometimes we're tired. I like no, I like close your eyes Yeah, still asleep. Yeah, just I like to hit the trash can just aim and fire. Yeah, exactly Just live on the edge a little thrill now if you had a bonus. Yeah pretend you're born for a minute Just go off the sound like yeah, if you gotta get a pee boner, then it's an issue. That's that's a pre-call back Yeah, um get it later driver's seat. That's a good position Pilot that's a good position. What about the cat bird seat? Yeah, wait the cat bird seat. Is that the one that what's that called the cat bird seat is

I don't think it's the same as the crow's nest But the cat bird seat is what you say if like a team is in charge of their division baseball Like going into the stretch they got like a 10 game lead. Oh, they're in the cat bird seat crow's nest would suck Crow's nest would suck that that's like the that's like the coxswain. That's a bad position to be in Yeah, that's a shitty first made on a ship first made on a ship. No pressure as the captain, but you still get to you know Yeah, you didn't you you it wasn't your job to find that uh iceberg right in front of you Right. Yeah, you could have said it, but it's like it's not it's not your fault You don't have to go down with the ship. It's also a bad position. Yeah looking over the edge of a tall building

Hate that hate that. I like that because it gives you a little willies. No, I don't know my hands my hands the bottom of your balls Yeah, that's good. That's good. Um, all right. I think we probably I'm sure like always we missed a bunch So let us know Uh, what we meant point guard also point guards a good position. Yeah, we didn't really name any basketball positions Point guards definitely swing man. Yeah stretch three three and d hanks. That's that'd be good right now six man. Hank. Yeah No, I don't know more like three point specialists more than mark titus. Yeah, like cow corvore or not not even cow corvore I don't even know how corvores is like a pretty damn good basketball player Yeah, like he has he's got pressure. I'd be like more like a ray allen type. Yeah, you know, something nice and easy

Reggie miller like Brian scabrini like fan favor your martitis. Yeah, like that's literally martitis. Yeah, I would put scrum I don't know but martitis, but like you get like a two-year ten million dollar deal You're martitis, but you didn't weren't lazy and you didn't give up your dreams to play in the nba I'm yeah, I made it to the nba and then I got lazy. Got it. Got it. Okay. Um, all right. Let's uh, finish up We got two more segments. We have a bad visual for speaking of Basketball Floyd Mayweather got crossed up at a charity game. Yeah, it was a charity game I don't think it was like an nba game. No, but it was a charity game still

Yeah, he was playing defense against a guy whose specialty is crossing people up and you got a backup You are you got to give you gotta give a lot of space. He's not going to pull the three No, he's not going to pull up and shoot a j maybe floyd was just like maybe he was reading his jersey trying to read it And he got dizzy. Oh man, that's you can't get you can't get embarrassed in a charity like in a charity event like that You just need to show up Run back and forth and make sure you don't make enough noise like the guy who gets crossed up the guy who fowls maybe A woman like too hard those guys. Well, Floyd would probably do that. You got air ball free throw Those are all things that you don't want to have happen in a charity basketball. Yeah, just don't stand out

Don't do anything to make noise for yourself in that situation. Yeah, grab a couple boards Throw up a couple shots call it a day. Do you actually think that if he was trying to read the other guy's jersey Who'd get confused? I don't think he I don't think that's how it works I think he just doesn't even look at it because I was thinking like maybe that's the issue with connor migrager When he fought him because connas got all those tattoos, but they're all symbols That's true Like what if it was the instruction manual for a dvd player something floyd was like staring at or like don't punch here Got yeah, I got well he then he wouldn't know right

But or just like say a bunch of things that look like boxing terms Yeah, and it's like what the hell's going on and he would look at it right like I'd know punch I know and then he'd fall off. Yeah, exactly. Um, okay. Let's uh, finish up with our last two We have both of our interns back to back We're gonna do the pmt sports biz minute and then we're gonna go right into guys on chicks with Silly jilly jilly football america's favorite twitter follower Right follow. Yep. Yeah follow. Uh, so let's do that. Good morning. This is jake marsh with the pmt sports biz minute Today marks the 207 ticker tape parade right here in Manhattan this time to honor the u.s

Women's soccer team winning the world cup the first time these paper strips invaded the air of new york city 1886 the dedication of the Statue of Liberty Whose back of the week award shows the sbs are tonight and yep The weight is almost over the 2019 taky awards are on friday The sb trophy stands 17 inches tall weighs about 6.17 pounds As a long silvery base with a basketball like sphere Meanwhile for the takies you get well a shout out on the number one sports podcast Finally a cool nugget for last night's all-star game

It happened and we're out of time after pmt sports biz minute. Mr. Cat. Mr. Comments are back to you. Thanks jake. Very cool Awesome. Here's silly jilly Okay, it is that time of the week. It's guys on chicks with a special Special appearance from silly jilly jilly football jilly beans here We're not going to do guys on chicks on friday or no, we're not doing license to jill on friday Is the takies and uh, so jill kind of told on herself a second ago because we said you're gonna do guys on chicks with us And she goes, oh, what's that? So jilly? I'm not mad, but I am disappointed that you have not been listening to every show But that's fine guys on chicks is when our female listeners who trust us very much

Uh, they write into us with their women related problems And as experts on women's bodies having seen at least two of them naked myself We give them perfect advice and solve all the problems. Uh before we do that though, you know, let's do a little catch up with you All right, congratulations on winning the world cup as the number one fan Yes, were you nervous at all? Yes, I I have to Cover my eyes and walk out of a room and even though we never were trailing Correct, but I still get nervous, but we were tied with england. That's true. Which game made you the most nervous

The england gate. Yeah, that was tough. What do you think about the robots about the var? At first. I wasn't happy and then Didn't help us with the england. So you're going to be at the parade tomorrow. I am covering the parade. Correct I'm excited to watch that today. Yeah, if you're listening today, um, so jill What are you not mad but disappointed in us? Right now This this very second. Yes that you haven't explained what we're going to do. Okay. We can we just I just did Right, you know Yeah, okay, I hear but I don't always listen. What else what else have you have you been uh, not mad but disappointed in us

From the other day from your broadcast on monday. Okay And uh our transmission I like the broadcast. Yeah, that was nice dramatic pauses that you used for this Well, because I want you to know that I'm it really wasn't directed at you because I think everybody's disappointed in this one Oh, no. Yeah, you want to see uh, some ass eating? well Okay, you know if If they you know with a fracture shoulder

I could have I could have if they asked me to do the homerun derby. I would have done it So you're pretty disappointed in yelling yelling. Yeah, okay But I am a hockey player would do it. Yep. Uh, absolutely, but I am proud of My two podcast sons. Yes. Thanks mom that you Were still willing to Go through with the bet we were Didn't in fact in the in the middle of the homerun derby I just I just tweeted out like I'll still go through with a bet if Chapman wins

Totally random time. Totally random time not after you budgerows 29. No, no, but I still there's still a chance I'm addicted to like living on that edge now, which is a problem. Yo, it sucks He's he's not good enough to win a homerun derby. I still even a year later Even though he's like got 31 homeruns. He doesn't have a homerun. No, he's not. He's too skinny. Okay We saw it last night. You need big strong men blaggero jr. And pita lanza. So you're you're just as disappointed in him Anything else that you want to catch up? Okay, and you know let's say you did go through with your bet. Yeah

And When soon as the the proud wears off. Yeah, I'd be disappointed Because it's disgusting. Oh It is totally disgusting No ass play for jillie. So if Hank Jesus If Hank if Hank cut up a nice little reel of it where you didn't see any genitalia per se, would you watch? Oh, absolutely

Yeah, exactly. Um, all right. So the other thing before we get to guys on chicks, you also did some research and uh Two weeks ago, we had you on and we promised that we at some point this summer Would hit a gravity bong together. You did your research What did you find out about that? Oh my god, I think I died just You googled gravity bong. Is that what you did? No, I asked I asked around. Oh, you asked I asked around I got I went to Randoms and I should have video taped it, but I didn't but I did go to a couple randoms and they said You can't do that. Yeah, you'll die. You'll feel like you're dead. You'll think that you're dead

But you'd actually just be really high. Yeah So that was my so I did people research Okay, and you also I want to give you some credit because you've been roasting fools on twitter Roasting I've been having fun with twitter and I don't even really still don't understand all of it But no, it was perfect the other day when he said I wish I followed you so I could I was a dunk. Yeah, Vince Carter In the french guy's face. It's over. Yeah, let's wrap up with some guys on chicks. Hank is gonna read them Jill we'll give you a stab at whatever question you want to dive into here with okay

My ex wanted to break up with me because he said I wasn't emotionally stable We talked about it and I said I'd go to therapy not even a week later He said he didn't actually mean emotional instability and then he just wanted to be single Now he won't stop hitting me up for a souvenir. I bought while we were on vacation together Everyone's saying he just wants to talk to me thoughts Interesting that's a that's a sounds like he's not emotionally stable. Well, oh The point Hank savvy move to be like it's not you. It's me I just think that you're emotionally unstable and then when you actually go to try to fix yourself

He's like, god, just kidding. Just a joke. Honestly, this guy sounds like a real gym If I were you I would try to as hard as I could to get back with him because he seems like he's got it all figured out What do you think Joe? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me give him back whatever he wants and shut the door in a space. Okay. Okay. Nice. You can do better It's not you. It's me is an all-time excuse. What's that song by Beyonce to the left to the left? The other weird part about this question is the what is a vacation Trinket or something. What the fuck do they buy on vacation together? They bought like a seashell. What did what did it say? A female body inspector t-shirt. That's a weird. I want that. I want that back

I can't there's a lot of attachment that I have anything you bought on vacation together I'm telling you it's not worth it a shot glass from Daytona beach. Just give it to him. Yeah, you can order another one online Yeah, it's true amazon eliminates the need for vacations altogether true Stuff boys, especially jilly a guy. I know definitely not me because I'm a girl Still hasn't done his taxes and didn't file for an extension. What should he do? Oh, have you ever been convicted of tax fraud? What? Yeah

No That's a crazy question one idea that I had to get around paying taxes was just to move all the time if you move every year They can't catch up to you, right? Also disappearing ink. I feel like that's something that's going to make it come back soon Pay your taxes write your checks in disappearing or what about that paper that uh old bookies used to use where you can just put it In water just dissolves right away Yeah, something like that and then hopefully they just you know I feel like irs people for the most part spill a lot

You know, they're walking around with hot coffee just spilling on themselves gross ties all that stuff Are you good at paying taxes? I use an accountant. Okay, and I am good at paying taxes But you know what it's his problem that hers at some point when you get older Do you have to pay less taxes because it's like you're just older and you're not gonna be around long It's like you're probably just going to use this sidewalk for another 20 years Right like you don't need whole roads like in 30 years. These will be eroded no matter what you pay

You know what I pay more taxes than probably Oh, oh nice flax. Damn. All right. Let's check the bank. How's that couch that you're living on? Real quick. Let's talk about uh, let's talk about your will jill Um, jillie's will between between big cat and I what percentage of your state do we have control over? You would have control over I would give you 30% okay, I believe that's binding to get wait 30 each or 30 30 Totally you'd have to you know because I do have the others. Yeah the others which are your children my children actual children

Just so everyone knows Okay next some boys, especially drug addict pft. I'm not a drug addict. I don't do any die. I just do drugs overseas Yeah, I match this super hot guy on tinder. But when we met up, I realized he was five inches shorter than me That's a parentheses. I'm five eight. Oh The date went well, but now he actually wants to be in a relationship. How do I tell him that he's too short? Again Stop pft. Uh, well first of all, this is a this is a major you problem Because you just said the date went well if the guy's five foot three

And he wowed you and he swept you off your feet with his tiny little arms. Well, he's a low man Yeah, he's a low man so he gets you underneath your feet to sweep you off But still you know what you're doing him a favor if you don't go on another date with him That it's going to be that big of a deal tough to lead him on though five foot three at short guys Already got a lot of insecurities. You know what? I'm I I can't understand. I can't relate to that guy But maybe he walks tall, you know, like oh, yeah, we forgot Jill is literally like 411 I am shrinking Because I always claim to be five foot one half inch, but I think I'm lower. Yep

That's shorter lower some guys carry themselves as a taller person. Yeah, so, you know And you see what's her name? Simone bios no stark. Oh aria santa. It's no not aria that other one rob john Starks Well, it's not done michael jordan. He was shorter than he She's married. She just married one of the Jonas brothers. She's tall and he's short. Sophie turner. Sophie turner. Yeah Sansa start so Sansa start. Yeah, correct. And so, you know, I mean it could work Yeah, but that that guy's a millionaire that changes. Yeah, true. Well, that's correct You could be it does if you have money like I got so much money

It doesn't matter. I could lose at least 10 inches and people will be like, I don't care Yeah, um, so actually there there's something to this though because if you're a guy, you're better off either being like Six foot five or you're better off being like four foot five I feel like five foot three to five foot five is just like a five three to like five nine It's like no five three to five five is like a dead zone. You're no man's land at that point But at least if you're shorter a girl looks at you're like, oh that guy He's about a carpet level right there. Yeah, he's kind of nice He could probably get like underneath the cabinet real quick to fix something. No, I meant like, you know

I know what you meant. No Beaver level. These are nice sirens here. Okay, uh next Let's enjoy the sirens. Uh, hey, Dilfcat pure fine talent hank daddy and wood slang and Liam My boyfriend says a pee boner is more difficult situation than anything a woman does physically Outside of childbirth. Please tell me how and why Okay, so as I understand let's let jill do this one. Okay, jill. Will you explain a pee? I have no idea what you're talking about Give us your best shot. Yeah a pee boner. Yeah

Literally I'm thinking you're peeing and I don't know that's the way I understand it is like It's common you wake up in the morning. Yes, you have a little bit of morning wood You walk to the bathroom and you still have to pee. Yes, and it's tough to pee through the boner. It's because imagine It's like a leaded batting donut that's just been slid really really tight around your urethra That's all the blood and so it's tough to push through there And if if you can you're liable to burst a blood vessel. Yeah, it's like trying to it's like trying to use like a

A metal straw, but like bend it a little bit and you can't really get it, you know, there's a lot going on This only goes one direction Mm-hmm, and what's What's the direction? It depends. Yeah some guys to the left a little bit. Yeah. All right next. All right, we'll go with one more question for jillie Why oh boy Oh, no, why do some old people smell like soup? Can I jill permission to smell you real quick? You may smell me quickly

No, doesn't smell like soup doesn't smell like vegetable beef. No No, but why is that why do old people smell like soup? Because I don't think they Truth be told I don't think they bathe after they eat and they slobber because we can't get everything in our you know Yeah, my dog smells like soup sometimes. Oh, it smells like fritos or There's other reasons. Yeah, what's your favorite soup? My favorite soup. Yeah It's always chicken soup chicken soup's good. Do you ever eat soup after dinner?

No, well, I should try it fills in the cracks. Well, it also makes you smell like soup. I could smell like soup. Yeah Um, but I think there's a deeper meaning in this than what I'm getting. Yeah, what do you think that is? Well, it could be sexual. Oh Okay, sex with soup. I I would I would fuck soup. I would fuck a soup can't yeah, why not? What? Yeah Um, I'm not hearing this. Can I read your I mean don't hang don't knock until you've tried it Look, let me look at the first page. I'm not talking about a Campbell soup can't hang that has like the the metal edges on it I'm talking about a nice a cup noodles or no a cup of noodles. Yeah, it's like a bread bowl of soup

Yes, now you're talking about something that's you can really a nice little pumpernickel. Yeah, a little hoppernickel I didn't do that Friday night warm it up a little bit. I think we just came up with the plot to American pie seven Yes, there we go old people. Yeah, old people You know, it'd be cool if if you took a cup of noodles and then you cut a little hole in the bottom Like you see people doing the movie theater with popcorn. Yeah, and then you're just like, hey, you want some of this soup Oh my god, this is a sausage soup Jokes on you. All right, so that's it. Hey Jilly silly. Jilly. Thank you so much. Thank you guys. Jill. Enjoy. Enjoy the parade

I'm so excited and we're excited to see the video content that comes out of it We'll see it. Love you guys Oh Oh Say I'm gonna call it Oh I'm gonna follow

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