Pardon My Take - Dana White, Mike O'Malley, And The NBA's Motel 6

Episode Date: July 10, 2020

The NBA is attempting to come back and all the players are mad about their hotel/food. (2:30-10:04) College Football looks bleaker and bleaker by the second and the last hope could be just a conference schedule. (10:05-17:57) Fyre Fest of the week and Billy didn't understand what defund the police meant. (21:49-30:05) Dana White joins the show to talk about Fight Island UFC 251 on Saturday night, Super heavyweight divisions and we trolled him into anger. (31:12-44:58) Actor Mike O'Malley joins the show to talk about Nickelodeon GUTS, his acting career, coming back from failure and being a sports fan. (47:12-1:27:55) Segments include embrace debate (1:28:01-1:39:26) and documentary review of Home Game on Netflix. (1:39:27-1:45:47)You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Three, two, one. On today's pardon my take, you literally just, you burped as I was saying three, two, one. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. All right, well on today's pardon my take, that was a great start. I like how Billy burped into the mic.

Yeah. You can't talk into the mic. As I was, were you just waiting? That was like farting in someone's backswing. I'm kidding, I'm sorry. Bryson DeChambeau would kick your ass. All right, well we have a great show today. We have Dana White, Fight Island, maybe not really Fight Island, but it's close enough

to Fight Island. We also have an awesome interview with Michael Malley. One of those interviews where, hey, we don't know how this is going to go. We never talked to him and it turned out to be fucking great and we're going to have him in studio soon and we're going to do something awesome for charity. Maybe a little aggro crag. So listen up for that. We have NBA coming back, college football probably being canceled, Firefest of the Week,

Embrace Debate, and a documentary review of Home Game, the first two episodes. Before we get to all of that, pardon my take, it's brought to you by the Cash App. Not only is it the easiest place to send money to your friends, it's the safest. It's the number one social distancing app in the world. You have to use the Cash App. Do not be handing money to your friends. Do not be handing money to people. Use the Cash App, socially distanced, and also link it to your bank account.

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You get $10 for free. $10 to ASPCA. Okay. Let's go. Boy! Boy! Now in the street there is violence and then a lot of stuff work to be done. No place to hang alone washing and then I can't live all on your side.

Oh no. We're gonna rock down to electric avenue and then you take it higher. Oh we gonna rock down to electric avenue and then you take it higher. Welcome to part of my take presented by the Cash App. Go download it right now. Use code BARSTULE. You get $10 for free, $10 to ASPCA. Today is Friday, July 10th and LeBron James has tweeted, just left the crib to head to

the bubble. It felt like I'm headed to do a bid man. That's true. You gotta punch the biggest guy that you see, the second that you get there. That's Mike Tyson. Dwight Howard. Dwight Howard. Yeah.

He'll probably do that anyways. This is the news. We have sports sort of coming back and the news is NBA players letting everyone know how bad the bubble is. We had Rondo tweeting a picture of his hotel room that looked like a very nice hotel room. Called it a Motel 6. We had Troy Daniels. I'm not here for the Motel 6 slander, by the way.

I enjoy a good Motel 6. You're not getting any, no frills whatsoever. I'm more of a Quinta guy myself. You know what? I just like hotels in general. You just go in, you run the hot shower, get that hot water going for like 30 minutes at a time. Just keep it running the whole time.

So we had Troy Daniels and also someone else I think from the Nets. I think Chris, who tweeted something from the Nets as well? I'm not sure who tweeted from the Nets, but Troy Daniels tweeted out his meal. The meal that looked like it was an airplane tray set up in front of him. And well, I actually, when I read it, I was like, it actually kind of looks pretty good. I mean, it had everything. Yeah. I just, my eyes went directly to the fruit cup and then to that piece of bread that he

had that looked like it was rock hard that you could use to just like scrape stains off a wall with that thing. That was one of those moments where I had to take a step back because Twitter was roasting the meal and I was like, wait, is he going to eat all that? Can you pass that to me? Don't go on Twitter. Don't go grocery shopping hungry and don't go on Twitter hungry. But we have NBA players, Joel Embiid came, got on a flight in a full hazmat suit.

It's very funny. I think it's going to suck because now we're going to have the backlash. You guys get paid millions of dollars to play a kid's sport and you're complaining about this. Well, and I agree to an extent that like it's not as bad as you probably are making out seem. Well, it probably does suck to have to go live in fucking isolation for three months. It's also today's day and age.

Like if we were going to live in a bubble, we would be tweeting videos of our experience. We were also wrong about this. We thought that it was going to be like the Sochi Olympics where everybody goes in and they tweet out, oh, my, uh, the shower curtain in my bathroom is missing two hooks. It's not walking down the hallway. Yeah. The Jimmy Kimmel stunts. Not the journalists that are doing it.

It's actually the players. The players have self-deputized as Karen's. I actually want every NBA players to get a Yelp account and I want to read their Yelp reviews of the hotel afterwards. Is this one of those situations? They're just basically trying to look for like pre-sympathy because they want everyone to know like, hey, we're putting the country on our back here playing sports because I don't think anyone said it was awesome that they had to go down there.

We also were like, hey, they do get paid millions of dollars and I don't know. It's not going to be, they're not going to be living in Motel Sixes. Right, right. They're probably in decent places. They're in okay places. And I was looking at Rondo's picture that he put up of his hotel and I was trying to find, I was treating it like it was a picture hunt game, trying to find out what he was mad about in his hotel.

Don't fuck with cats. I couldn't figure. Yeah. I was like zooming in on it. I was like, wait, there's got to be something. There's vacuum cleaners from Romania. I had no idea what he was upset about in that hotel. None.

It was like, it was, it was better than my dorm room, well, it was better than any room that I've ever lived in until I was maybe like 28 years old, 29 years old. I think what we're finding out too is just being an NBA player is probably pretty fucking sweet otherwise because Rondo being like, this is a Motel Six and everyone else being like, I'll stay there. Yeah, I get it. They're used to something a little different because they make millions of dollars and now they're in a bubble and they're going to get their complaints off.

I'm fine with that. We were talking earlier about Stephen A Smith's take about how there aren't going to be any groupies inside the bubble. Maybe there will be. Maybe there won't be. Is there going to be a weed guy in there? Probably. That's a BYO thing.

Deon Waiters. Deon Waiters, he's going to take a picture of his hotel room and it's going to look like that picture of Johnny Depp's nightstand that got put online yesterday. I don't think, yeah, I don't think they have to worry because they're not, they're not going to, what? That picture. You see that picture? It's something.

Sometimes you're way more in line than me. No, I mean, it's, it's a, he likes to party. Johnny Depp. Johnny Depp. I'm kind of woke on though. I saw some, I saw some woke. It was too set up. It was being like too set up.

I was kind of with it. The whiskey glass. Uh huh. What is it? The license was turned upside down. Yep. The license was upside down so you couldn't see who it was. The lines of.

Wait, he put this picture? No, his girlfriend. His wife. His ex-wife. This is what, yeah, this is what Johnny does for lunch every day. I mean, Johnny Depp, the minute he did Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, he just became Hunter S. Thompson. There's no ether in that picture.

Non-writing version of Hunter S. Thompson. He's like, I'm just going to be a drug guy that does drugs all day. He became Nicholas Cage in Leaving Las Vegas. Right. Yeah. Well, he went, memory played Hunter S. Thompson. Right, right. Right.

He became that guy. He just did it. He's method, man. Yeah. He was like, I'm going to be this character for the rest of my life. But, uh, yeah, I, NBA players, I feel like they have like a week to get all their complaints off and then, uh, we can accept them and then they'll probably be somewhat normalized. I, I, the, the Troy Daniels thing, they said too that they were giving out those meals

just for the first two days and then it's like chefs and the whole thing. I saw a new meal. I saw a picture of the new meal that came out. It looked pretty good. It was like some nice medium rare plus steak with chimichurri sauce. It had some shrimp in there, some wild rice. I think they're stepping it up. I think Adam Silver also was probably sent out a memo like, Hey guys, no more of this.

Like let's, let's start tweeting out the good pictures. Yeah. LeBron James definitely has his own wine cellar in there. Yeah. He has a suite that's just dedicated to be set at like 51 degrees to make sure his reds are nice and crisp. The sweetheart hierarchy, I hope a little bit more comes out about that because I am curious about that because clearly they understand hotel rooms on floors with normal rooms.

There's got to be sweets in those hotels. Our players like, are they, LeBron has to have a suite and like how mad is Rondo going to be? Well, and also I think there's, uh, I, I actually am all in on complaints from players that don't have any chance of winning a title because this sucks for them. Like if you are on a team that's like five, six, seven, eight, or even lower in the, in the seeds and you're like, I have to go live here and then get the shit kicked out of me by Yannis or LeBron.

Why would I do that? But like if you're Rondo, if you're LeBron, if you're a contender, you're there because you're trying to win a title and you probably can, you know what I mean? The Nets are just lucky to have anybody down there. Oh God. They just signed Beasley. I'm like, yes. They're cool.

Beasley is going down there. I love that. I like big cats take yesterday. You're finally getting on board the Tim Tebow bandwagon. Put Tim Tebow on TV playing a sport. It doesn't matter if he's on the Mets or if he's playing for the Nets, people will tune in and watch Tim Tebow. Yes.

Or just put it like a, the Nets are close to just having a TBT team out there. Just throw a TBT team out there and they probably would do decent. They wouldn't get like absolutely destroyed. But uh, yeah, the NBA coming back, I don't know how any of this is going to work. And I guess that segues to college football feels like we're in a bad spot and fuck the Ivy League again. They started it. I know that they didn't really start it, but as soon as they canceled, I was like, this

is going to get everyone because the smartest guys in the room are like, Hey, we don't think it's safe than everyone else feels pressure. So we have the big 10, the ACC and the pack 12 have all either outright said it or uh, implied that they're going to do a conference only schedule this year. And I'm ready for the debate of who gets to the playoffs because it will be insufferable and amazing at the same time. I'm of two mindsets right now. My first mindset is doing this type of schedule and announcing it this far in advance is kind

of telling me that's a half measure where it's like, this is just a step towards maybe them pushing back the entire season to the spring or delaying it, canceling it, whatever. They're not going to cancel it. I hope not. They'll play back to back season. I hope not. Everybody wear a fucking master that we can have sports so that we can have goddamn college football is what I'm getting at.

But my second mindset is I am with big cat. I am very excited to see who gets left out because we're inevitably we're going to have like an undefeated or one loss team from the SEC, from the big 12, from the big 10, the pack 12 and the ACC. And I'm hoping I am hoping so badly that Clemson gets left out. It would be the takes that Dabbo would come out with at that point. He might just secede the ACC from the rest of the entire NCAA. No, what's going to happen is one, an SEC team will have one loss and like Alabama will

go undefeated and everyone will be like, well, the second best team is clearly the one loss SEC team. The SEC team will have two losses. They're like, well, clearly. And then we're just going to have the SEC like final four. That'd be great. I'm on board for that. That's going to happen.

And then Texas A&M will find a way to claim it as a national title on the side of the stadium. Yes, absolutely. And also Vanderbilt. Vanderbilt gets one. Yes. Vanderbilt. UCF, obviously.

So you mentioned the mask thing, like wear a mask to play football. Totally agree. I am been wearing a mask. I've had this stupid neck garter on Gator on for three, four months now. Never take it off pretty much. But I'm getting close. If I have to see another fucking Twitter like blue checkmark or journalists tell absolutely no one to tweet into the void to wear a mask, I might just fucking protest and stop wearing

a mask because you realize you're tweeting to absolutely no one who is not already wearing a mask. They are the people on Twitter are wearing masks. The people on Facebook aren't the people outside living their life are not on Twitter or Facebook and they're just living their life without a mask. You are going online every day just to tweet. Hey guys, reminder, wear a mask and not one fucking person will ever be like, oh, the beat writer for the fucking Oregon ducks told me to wear a mask.

Better wear a mask. No, I disagree. When Dan Woken tells me that, I'm like, yep, better strap went on. They're pushing me the edge. PFT. I might make it out of protest. We've talked about this. This is the mark of a true mental alpha being able to ignore the messenger if you hate them

while accepting the fact that what they say might be correct in certain instances. No, I'm going to protest. I'm not going to. I'm going to keep wearing a mask, but I'm just it's it. It makes me so angry every time I see them and it's like four likes and two retweets and it's the same people that are liking and retweeting it. You are talking to no one about wearing a mask. Now I'm also thinking ahead of, you know, obviously we have these power conferences that

are going to be scheduling against each other. What is Notre Dame going to do? I think they're going to give them a full ACC schedule as would be my guess. They could play against Liberty every game. I don't know if those schools are going to be those schools are going to be the ones that struggle. No scoring allowed in that game. No, they're going to play ACC schedule.

Yeah. I mean, they're part of the ACC. That's true. So they're just going to fold them in and that will be the college for I think we're going to play a spring season. If I had to guess right now, it does feel like one of those let's delay it to lay it to lay it. And then we'll say spring.

What it takes is for one power five conference to say that we're going to delay it and then everybody else is going to do the same or if, if you're smart, everybody just kind of keeps their mouth shut and it's a big game of chicken. And then right before the games actually get going, one of the commissioner says, we're going to play our schedule in the spring, then they get to claim a national championship in the spring. Spring national championship. I think this is our food.

Hold on, Billy. Hello. All right. Thank you. All right, Billy. Go get the food. All right. That's our food.

Go get it. What are you doing? All right. He's getting his wallet. I also, I had to at least point out, I love college football coaches, a running theme from the show from the beginning is football guys. And there's nothing more football guy than the college coach and our friend, Jim Harbaugh, who basically spent.

What are you guys laughing about? No, we're all going to go there. No, no, no, no. I'm glad you are. No, no, no. Yeah. I mean, this is, I expected it. Jim Harbaugh didn't do this.

But Jim Harbaugh, because if you look two months ago, all the college football coaches were like, we'll do whatever's right for the players. We have to be smart about this. Now that we're getting close to, you know, practice and training camp, they're like, fuck Corona virus. Let's play. His quote was COVID is part of our society. It wasn't caused by football or caused by sports.

There's no expert view right now that I'm aware of that sports is going to make that worse. I fucking love it. He's like, Hey, guess what? We, we, we dance around with this COVID thing. We did our thing for a couple of months, but now it's actually impacting football. Fuck Corona virus. You're out.

Yeah. You have to understand that this is not a football problem. Right. He says it right there. How, why is football being punished for something they didn't start? Yes. That's a good question. It's true.

It's unfair. It's unjust. It should be baseball because they hang out with bats all the time. Right. There you go. That was like 2.3. That's 2.2. Off the top of my head.

That's pretty good. That was great. Thanks, Hank. That was 2.2. Not a 2.2. Billy, need you to explain this joke real quick. Okay, Billy. So we're talking about Jim Harbaugh's take about how football didn't cause the Corona

virus. I said that you should point the finger at baseball because they use bats all the time. You know what else they say? There should be a lot more defense in the bubble because there's no groupies. So that means no one's going to score. Okay. That was good, Billy. That was significantly worse.

That was significantly worse. 1.8. And also not yours. Yeah. I said that like five minutes ago. Really? Yeah, Liberty and Notre Dame. No wrapping up with Notre Dame.

Catholics. You get it? Yep. Okay. So I also love the NFL being like, we're not going to do jersey swaps. Thank you, NFL. So you can tackle each other for three hours. You know what?

And be standing next to each other for three hours and do all of this for, get in a pile. But if you try to fucking jersey swap, that's wrong. They should just line teams up six feet away from each other and just have them thrown to each other. Oh, I like that. That's good. But yeah, it made no sense for them to say that. That was PR 101.

That was an F minus move by them. Yes. Well, when it comes to jersey, that's something that maybe we could meet halfway on. If we're not going to be tweeting out no matter what, wear a mask to people, maybe we just remind our listeners, no jersey swapping. No jersey swapping. If you guys stop jersey swapping in your off season of football, then we'll get to have football in the spring.

Yes. Odell Beckham's the only one that would be like, ooh, got to get a hazmat suit. Lamar Jackson. Lamar Jackson. But that's not his fault. Yeah. No. Everyone else wants it.

Billy, can you take the food out of here? It smells so good. All right. Let's get to our fire fest. Get back here for your fire fest, Billy. Billy's got a great fire fest. Actually, genuinely a great fire fest. Before we do that, PFT, you have a quick ad.

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Okay. Let's do firefest. Hank, you want to start? Sure. I'll start. A couple weekends ago for my birthday, I was given a cast iron. Thank you. Did we forget to say that?

No. I think we did this a couple weeks ago. You were on vacation. You sure you want more birthday love? No. No vacation. I was a mandatory out of office for the week. I had no choice.

But I got a cast iron skillet. I didn't really know anything about them. I always hear people talk about them and I didn't look into the preparation of what you do before and after. I was just like oh, it's just a big grill or whatever you call it, like a big pot or a pan. Cooked a steak on it, tried to clean it after, put soap on it and spent some time trying to clean it.

It wouldn't get clean. I came in and talked to P.F.T. I was like dude, I saw afterwards I was editing his video of the Skyline Chili in the cast iron skillet. I was like dude, I can't get my cast iron skillet clean. He's like you're not supposed to do soap, you're not supposed to do this, you're not supposed to do that. And so I think I fucked up my cast iron skillet after one use.

Yeah, well no, you can get back. So getting a cast iron. It still has the steak imprint in it. Yeah. It's a lot like having a baby, the amount of work that you have to put into a cast iron. So it takes a lot of work. Something you know a lot about. Yes.

No, it's probably more difficult. It's probably more difficult. You don't have to rub oil all over your baby, do you? No, I do not rub oil all over my baby. Okay, so well I have to rub oil all over my cast iron. So what you do Hank is you just use water and then you just scrub it with like some sort of like steel wool or abrasive pad that you don't put soap on. You don't have to put soap on it.

And then you rub oil on it, put in the oven at like 350 for maybe half an hour every single time that you use it for like the first five times. I know it sounds like pain in the ass. After you're done with those first five times, it'll be your favorite thing to cook with by far. And this is not Hank pulling a Chrissy Teigen where you're asking for it. Mindy Kaling. Oh yeah, Mindy Kaling.

Yeah. The problem is Chrissy Teigen is probably right. No, I don't want another cast iron skillet. It's heavy as fuck. Well I was just saying. I don't need another one. You could do that and take care of it or you could just put it under your bed and have it in case a robber shows up.

I don't even know that. I could like that's like I don't need like two hand baseball bet. Just brain somebody with it. Real quick question. If you don't oil your baby, what tells baby oil for? Jacking off. Yeah. I mean, I don't oil my baby down.

What's baby oil for? I think I just explained. I think it's oil made out of babies. Like soilent. So that's my fire first. It's an alternative to olive oil. I'm a cast iron man, but I use a lodge. I don't go for that bullshit like Rosé $400 stuff.

Get you like 50 $50 cast iron and you'll be able to pass it down to your grandkids. If you ever get an erection, have sex. My fire fest of the week is that ESPN is bringing Mike Greenberg back to the airwaves. I think it's like noon till two. No other radio counter program against that in the sports world out there from noon till two every day. But greenies coming back. But Golik is gone.

So it's like the ship's passing in the night. The second that Golik's gone, greenie comes back. It's not going to be Mike and Mike anymore ever. It's I've just resigned myself to the fact that they're gone for good. Just gonna be Mike. It's gonna be a little Mike solo, maybe with his wife. Maybe it'll be the two greenies just like bickering at each other for two hours every afternoon.

Need more Mike Greenberg in sports media. Throw some more J Williams with them too. Yeah, we need the sports media world needs more Mike Greenberg. All Mike Greenberg does now is he does get up. He does some of first take. I think he does a radio show now and then he hosts Sports Center specials. I think he just hosts everything now on ESPN. They're like, we were paying you this much money.

We're going to have you live inside the studio here in New York City. I just. Golik's a legend of the game. He is. He is a legend of the game. He is. Very nice. And we love the Golik family.

We did take the Golik style. Like he's a thing of the sadly, like I feel like the next generation is not like. What I don't understand is like you, you see how the media is going and you see how like people get attached to personalities, opinions, you know, debate, people having, you know, saying something interesting and then you're like, we need more Mike Greenberg. Well, it's because Mike Greenberg is so easy to not hate because you can't. It's so hard to form any sort of an opinion or have any sort of emotional response to anything Mike Greenberg says.

And he reads a great ad. Like at the up front, at the up front, it's like, oh, yeah. Mike Greenberg ad reads, please. Great. Now, Hendra tractors, click on the microphone, enter promo code Mike. My firefest is there was a, the scientists discovered the hungriest hole. I think it's a black hole and I'm just getting tagged on it saying we already found a big cat's belly button.

So that's my firefest. Pretty short and sweet. Just dragged online because someone found a hole and I have a deep hole as well. Has it ever engulfed anything? Yeah. I mean, John Cena's. His penis. Micro penis.

It's true. Please call it what it's, what it actually is tiny. We said that this was going to be a good firefest. Are you ready? Yeah. I got a speeding ticket when I was driving out West where it was in Minnesota. Okay. It was early in the morning.

The roads were open and clear and speed limits. Don't count before seven a.m. Oh, so early. You can speed. There was no cops on the road. But I recently, right before the show started, received a text from my mother and she was like, a speeding ticket came in the mail for you. I was like, what?

Turns out there was a speeding camera that caught me and I was like, uh, and, uh. What was the damage? I was doing 89 and a 55. Whoa. It's reckless driving. Really? Yikes, dude. Ezekiel Elliott type stuff.

Roads were open though. No one caught me. So. True. Besides the camera. There was no cops on the road. It was just a camera. That actually is bullshit.

Okay. So I kind of, I didn't, I thought they, I thought they defunded the police in Minnesota. So you were good. Yeah. I could see how you'd understand that. You can reply that. Reply that to the letter. Yeah.

It's like, didn't you guys defund last week? It sounds like Billy's really upset at the police right now. That's Antifa Billy right now. I know. I legit was like, oh, like there's no police working because of everything. So you're saying you drove all the way to South Dakota and you were like following the speed limit. Then you got to Minnesota and you're like, I read the news.

They defunded these guys. Yeah. I'm good. Yeah. But I didn't see any police anyway. So I got caught on the speeding camera. I got a really bad speeding tag. Take it.

Um, turns out the cameras were not defunded. So cameras. Yeah. The robots. Takes a while to shut those down. Yeah. They're going to run through the tape. All right.

So what was the amount of money? $300. Oh, that's, yeah, that's about right. But it's not a record. It wasn't reckless driving. Was it? I don't know. Wait, let me.

It was 55. I was going 89. Do you have a warrant out for your arrest? I might. Can someone check that? Just say that you were a vampire. You had to get home before the sun came up. True.

Well, it was 6.30 in the morning thing. I don't know about time, but that's central time. It's a count. So 7.30 here. Yeah. So it wasn't that early. It was rush hour. I just like you.

You thought you were going to defund. They defunded the police. I actually thought there was like no police. That wasn't. Yeah, that wasn't. And there weren't. That wasn't a joke. Like you were like, I'm good.

Minnesota. What are they going to do? Arrest me. Ha. Yeah. They got, they're all gone. What are they going to arrest me with a social worker? No.

Did they, did they catch you with your unlicensed chickens that you had in, in the car? No. You don't need a license for a chicken. Yeah, you do. James Garrison would beg to differ. Can't you? Overstate line. No, the chickens weren't with me.

Oh, okay. Sure? You were deducting them. You sure they weren't? No comment. Okay. All right. Let's get to our interviews.

We've got two awesome interviews coming up. We have Dana White and then Michael Malley. Boston boys. Before we do that, Dana White looking jacked too. Holy shit. Does he look fucking jacked? I don't know what he's been doing. Did you guys not think that?

No, he definitely looks jacked. He's been, well, he said he was in quarantine. He's been in quarantine probably for like half of the last, probably month because he's been going to different fights everywhere. Yeah. So what are you going to do in quarantine besides just rip arm curls? Yeah. We talked about fight island with him and Michael Malley was an awesome, awesome interview.

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Okay, here he is. Dana White. Okay, we now welcome on recurring guest friend of the program, Dana White. We got UFC 251 coming on Sunday or Saturday night. Fight Island, Fight Island, it is finally here and now Dana, you know that we would never criticize you, but some people might be saying that Fight Island isn't really living up to the hype of Fight Island because you're not actually fighting on a beach. What would you say to those people?

Not us. Fight Island, we're on an island, we're on Yaz Island, Abu Dhabi. Never did I say the fight was on the beach. Let me tell you what a shit show you're asking for if you want to try and have a fight on a beach. Yeah. What would happen though? Because I thought, I mean, when I saw the original video of the beach, my first thought

was Hulk Hogan turning heel bash at the beach. I was like, maybe this is what we're doing. That would be sick. My second was how is this going to make sense? So do you think that the people who are saying this bullshit you're not fighting on a beach, what do we say to them? First of all, just the lighting rig, the lighting rig that would have to be set up for the thing to look, you know, even remotely professional would be impossible to do on the beach.

You got to work. Oh, not to mention the fact that it's 118 degrees here with 100% humidity. So you would drop dead walking to the octagon and for the people who thought it was literally on a beach, you're a fucking idiot. Well, I think we both thought that it was going to be on a beach, but we are fucking idiots. But for the lighting rig, you just light a bunch of torches and like have just fire everywhere, just like fire pits and shit.

That's what I'm picturing. Something like primal, something awesome. Here's how you can kind of win over some of those people, not us again, who might be saying it's not really Fight Island. Just tell everybody that all the water around it, it's shark infested water. So if you just say like we're surrounded by shark infested water, immediately that bumps it up a notch in the, in the Fight Island kind of rankings in my head. Let me tell you this with the fight card that we got going on here, what we pulled off,

you know, during this pandemic, the people that are worried about that it's not on the beach and the sand, I don't want them to watch anyway. They're fucking stupid. And they, they, I don't know what they should watch, but it's definitely not this fight on Saturday night. So let's talk about the card because it is an awesome, awesome card. And the main event, getting Jorge Mazvedal, who's a friend of ours, he's going to put Usman into the shadow realm.

Talk to me quickly about that fight, how like, what, what that fight is going to be great. And then what other fights are you looking for being like, this is going to be another one people aren't expecting? Yeah. Well, first of all, I mean, you know, there's three title fights, the Jan Aldo fight is going to be very good. And obviously, Volkonovsky versus Max Holloway, Max Holloway, you know, looked at is probably the best 145 pounder ever.

He got beat narrowly, but by Volkonovsky in the last fight, Max thought he won Volkonovsky thought he won. So, you know, that's a great fight. And that Rosnama Junis versus Jessica and Drudge rematch, I don't know if you guys remember, but and Drudge picked Rosnama Junis up and dropped her on her head on the fight in Brazil. That rematch, I mean, the whole card is just stacked with great fights. So I was reading about how you guys are handling the fight, you're going to be fighting on East Coast time.

So you're just basically pretending that you're not halfway around the world right now. Are you just like, are you trying to stay away from windows and like away from the sun so that your body doesn't know what time of day it is? Yeah, that's that is true. I've been quarantined for friggin, you know, 48 hours. It's eight o'clock at night here. I just woke up like an hour ago. So yeah, we're today is the first day that we're going to be able to actually go outside

and go do something tonight, not today, but tonight. And yeah, it's it's been it's been a tough transition, especially with quarantine. If we came in and didn't have the quarantine, you would actually force yourself to get up and go out and do things, but we've just been in our room for two days. I just saw this tweet on Twitter from Darren Revelli said, expect a class action lawsuit from UFC fans because Fight Island's not actually on the beach. What do you say about that? What a dickhead that guy.

I made that up by the way. Oh my God. Yeah, I made that up. Oh shit. I was just going to say, that's literally what Darren was about to say. I totally made that. Oh, that's funny. But he could.

That's a good one, boys. Yeah, he could. He could. I did. I especially like his. And he probably would. Yeah, he probably would. His tweet yesterday where he was like, just so everyone knows, LeBron James Company didn't

apply for a PPP loan. And then later he had to correct and be like, actually, I'm told that they did, but then they just rejected the money after. Wait, did you guys apply for a PPP loan? No, we did not. Okay. Breaking news. UFC did not apply for a PPP loan.

Please credit part in my. Yes. Yes. Good job. Good job not. Good job getting a Masvidal kind of the last second ready to fight. I feel like he's just a guy that's like always ready. You could just call him up and be like, Hey, there's a fight in six hours and he would

just get on a plane and he'd be like, yeah, I don't care. I'm going to go beat whoever's ass I'm going to face. Oh man, that's fucking funny. You guys got me with that one. Yeah, I can still see the vein in your in your forehead after that one. So you also have a trademark UFC SEA. When did you hire Rick Riley to work on your staff? Rick Riley.

Yeah. I mean, UFC. That's a terrible. Is that a pun? Is that technically a pun? Kind of a pun. Yeah. Kind of a pun.

It's pretty lame. Like when did you guys decide to go that route? Well, you don't know the story behind that then, do you? Oh, okay. Shit. Are you going to tell me someone died or something? God damn it. All right, go ahead.

Oh, John Oliver. John Oliver has been ripping me about Fight Island for, you know, a couple months now. And when we, the term, the name Fight Island, he said is ridiculous and stupid. It should have just been called UFC. So then I went out and trademarked UFC after he said it. Then he did another show saying, can you fucking believe this guy actually trademarked UFC? So he went and got one of my old trademarks and created some merchandise that you could buy on his website with, I will submit and it just, it just, it just been this back and

forth thing going on with me and John Oliver. That's pretty good. Okay. I would have known that you had a good story behind it. It wasn't just simply UFC. Look at this awful pun. No. Okay.

All right. That plays. Also, I said to you before we started, I don't know what your workout routine is, but your fucking biceps look awesome right now, dude. Thanks. Well, you know, during quarantine, I've been doing two days during quarantine and I've been working out hard. Yeah.

Thank you. We've got our intern Billy football here. He's holding the mic up to his own face right now. He's apparently really eager to ask you some questions. So we'll give him one question at a time and we'll pull him back. Like he's on a little leash. Yeah. You just let us know.

He crossed his line. We'll just choke collar him real quick. What's up, buddy? Hi, Mr. Wait. Uh, first question. Um, Conor, last time we talked to you was around June 5th and Conor McGregor retired on June 6th. Do you think he's actually taking, you know, retiring, he's done, or do you think he's

just taking a break because of, you know, social distancing, whatnot? Yeah. Yeah. No, that's a good question. Yeah. Yeah. Who knows? I mean, he's done it before.

I don't think that Conor has, has retired for good. Um, but what I always say, whenever you feel like you should retire, you should. This isn't a sport that you can half-ass. You've got to be all in on this thing. And I think Conor's just going to take some time and, uh, and sit back and, and figure out who's next, you know, and it probably won't be till next year. Okay. Good question.

Good. Good. You get another one. As long as he asks a good question, we're going to get him. We're going to let him sit. It's a streak for the cash. Yeah. Right.

Um, hot hand. How many of us do you think it would take to beat up Conor McGregor? Okay. Billy. How many of who? Well, there's, there's six of us in this room. How many returns? There's six.

There's six of us. There's six of us in this room right now. How many do you think would take for us to beat up Conor McGregor? I think it would take all six of you. I think a couple of you are definitely going to be hesitant and not jump right in and Conor will fuck up three or four of you before the other two decide to jump in and, you know, somebody's probably going to run. I got Conor with Conor wins against all six of you.

Wow. Okay. Can I have a last question? Yeah. None of us are over the age of 60 though, so he might be hesitant to just punch us in the head. Okay. Last question, Billy.

Go ahead. Okay. Would you ever consider doing a super heavyweight weight class like 300 plus? Good question. No. Like two sumo wrestlers? No. Why?

No. Because traditionally when you get guys that get that heavy, the fights aren't that fun. They're not that exciting. Those guys aren't very athletic. I like it. I like the 265 limit. You have to be 265 or on. What about Butterbean?

I'd watch. What about, what about, it wasn't, it wasn't you. What about, what about Dada 5000 versus Kimbo Slice, one of the funniest fights I've ever watched in my life? RIP. Yeah. Well, those guys weren't, you know, those guys were both guys who had fought plenty of times before and, you know, they both weren't in shape.

I mean, the Dada guy fucking died during that fight. Yeah. Four times. Yeah. Yeah. But that's funny. You got to be like, you should just throw one of those out every few months being like, here's a funny fight, 400 pounders, like one minute rounds.

I don't do funny fights. That's not what I do. There are people out there that do that. I'm not the guy that does the funny fights. Okay. Ruff and Rowdy. Shout out Ruff and Rowdy. Billy, you have another question.

Billy, last question. Go. Make it good. Come on. Come on, Billy. You're on the spot. I didn't think you guys would let me ask this many questions. Yeah.

Go ahead. Go ahead. Okay. Okay. This is, look at, oh, Dennis gets mad. Dennis gets mad. Can I be on the Ultimate Fighter? Okay, Billy.

Oh, yes. Oh, he said yes. Yes. Okay. Is there going to be a new season of Ultimate Fighter? Yeah. Oh, yeah. There's another season of the Ultimate Fighter coming.

Okay. Billy, to be honest. He can absolutely come try out for it. Yes. Sweet. Yes. Actually, yeah. I read an interesting quote from you early today, actually, that you said that that

Forest Griffin fight at the end of season one of the Ultimate Fighter saved the UFC. Yeah. 100%. How did it save the UFC? I was trying to, because at the time I was like, I was pretty invested in it, but I didn't know that it was in trouble. Yeah. So what happened was, you know, the, the, we were burning cash, we were like $33 million

in the hole. And the Ultimate Fighter was the last $10 million investment that the Fertitta's made into the company. And, you know, the Ultimate Fighter was so much shit that went on throughout that season of the Ultimate Fighter with Spike TV and, you know, on the set and things that could have gone wrong. And the Forest Griffin, Stefan Bonner fight was so good at the end of the season. It pulled a massive number.

And I knew that, you know, no matter what happened with Spike TV, that at the end of that deal, we were going to end up somewhere. That's what Billy will do for the next season of Ultimate Fighter. Oh, absolutely. You will put asses in seats. Take it over the top. So Dana, UFC 251, Saturday night, fight Island, not actually on the beach, but surrounded by sharks, but on an Island tune in.

You can get the pay per view through ESPN plus, which isn't a button that you can just order. We've been through this. That's fine. We can figure it out. We'll figure it out. But it's going to be awesome. Uh, Jorge Mazzo, I'm so excited for that one.

Do you expect, what do you expect out of him taking this fight so late? Like, have you, have you been able to talk to him? Is he ready to go? Yeah, the, the guy's been fighting his whole life. He's in shape. He's ready to go. Um, I think it's going to be a great fight. Then tomorrow, Usman is one of the, you know, Usman, if he, if he wins this fight on

Saturday night, he ties George St. Pierre's record, who many believe is the greatest welterweight ever, uh, he'll tie his record for wins in the welterweight division. So it's a big fight for Usman and, and, and obviously to keep the belt and, and his, uh, legacy and career. And then Jorge Mazzo, this is the fight that the people wanted to see. People wanted to see this fight. This guy's become a huge superstar over the last couple of years with the things he's pulled off, the five or seven second knockout against Ben

aspirant, the knockout of pill. He's knocked out his last five opponents. So this is the fight people want to see. And it's a good one. Okay. Excited. I'm excited. We'll take pump.

Yeah. And thank you again for keeping sports alive. And, uh, I know, even though I told you as a joke, you're definitely going to go on Twitter right now and double check to make sure Ravel didn't tweet that. No, nothing surprises me with Ravel. All right. Well, thank you so much, Dana. Appreciate your time always.

And, uh, have fun fight Island UFC 251 Saturday night. Excited. Thanks for having me. That interview with Dana was brought to you by Indochina custom menswear. I've got an Indochino suit. It is my go-to suit for weddings. It's my go-to suit for whenever I happen to need a suit. I love my Indochino suit.

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And now for something completely different. OK, we now welcome on a very special guest. He is an Emmy nominated actor. You know him very well. He has he is in Snowpiercer, which is season finale Sunday night. TNT nine Eastern eight central. Check it out. Catch up if you haven't.

It's great show. So check it out. It is Michael Malley. Mike, it's great to have you on. I want to start with giving you an option. Do you want to do the gut stuff now or later? Dude, guys, it's great to talk to you. You know, it's it's really, you know, we've we're talking earlier.

It's I'm a fan of you guys show. You guys are really funny guys. I'm happy to talk about whatever you want to talk about. OK, you can ask whatever question. I'm not, you know, I'm I'm I'm proud of all my work, including guts. Well, well, we are children of the 90s, PFT and I are both 35. So when we when guts came out, it was pretty much a dream show for children of the 90s who watched Nickelodeon.

So let's start there, because I actually have a million questions about that. Right. Um, first question is, is the aggro was the aggro crag like as daunting and cool as I think it is? Yes, it was at the it was giant. It was really, really big and it was in at that time. It was the biggest soundstage that was on the East Coast. It was down in Orlando, Florida, where we shot at Universal Studios. And so we're in the, you know, the biggest, you know,

soundstage that was on the East Coast. It was it was very, very tall, very wide. I think for what what maybe you could tell on television watching it, it was when the quote unquote nuclear flying crystals were flying around there and the smoke, it was it was it's very hard to see. And, you know, for the kids, they had those goggles on. They're being, you know, think about yourself at 12, 13 years old. There's people telling, OK, you got to do this and you got to go up there

and you got to go there. It's there's a lot coming in at you. And so when you, you know, obviously it's it probably might look smaller than what it looked like on television, but it wasn't small. It wasn't like you come there and go, oh, the set is really tiny. It was big and it was hard to get up Switchback Mountain. I think it was called and in the actuators that you had to hit. And you would miss them all the time.

They were hard to find. It was it's big. OK, that's a good answer. You wouldn't you wouldn't lie to us because I don't want my childhood ruin. Like, if you're like you're being honest, right? It was done. Good. What do you just ask me and I'll tell you the truth. OK, first off, everyone wants to know Moe and I never hooked up. OK, all right.

That's what everybody wants to know. Yes. Yes. I had a steady girlfriend who became my wife and she had a steady boyfriend who became her husband. We never hooked up, but she's fantastic chemistry. Yeah, I'm going to pretend that you didn't say that about Moe's boyfriend at the time, because I don't know if you know this, but every boy in America had a huge crush on Moe, myself included.

Was she aware of that fact that like she had a simp army of 11 year olds out there that just absolutely adored her? Yeah, I think I think she is aware of it because people do, you know, stop us all the time still about that. And, you know, I think for her what what you don't get on the television show that she is that she's wickedly funny. She's very, very, very funny. And her her husband's a funny guy, too.

And so that's what was fun about making the show. I think, you know, for us doing the show, I almost looked at it as as like an acting part, like, OK, we're, you know, we're camp counselors. We're the big brother. We're the big sister. And so, you know, back when I was doing, you know, that show where I went to the University of Hampshire, you know, I had, you know, sort of stereotypical collegiate experience and we didn't know what Nickelodeon was. So it was just like, oh, OK, you're going to go do this thing.

And, you know, you're aware that there was some slime stuff that. But it wasn't the juggernaut that it became. So we were just like, hey, this is kind of a cool thing. And and, you know, we didn't get paid a lot of money, but it was fun making the TV show and we'd shoot three episodes a day. Yeah. And Mo is also a trailblazer because, you know, we've seen it. Female referees in the NFL and NBA. And they're like, wow, the first, you know, female referee, like,

no, actually guts, dude, like she had she had control of that thing. She had the whistle. She was ready to go. Mo was the original. Yes. Mo was a trailblazer. Yes. Absolutely. So would you guys gamble on the kids that were coming on the show? Because if I were in your position and I saw three kids lined up at the start of the show, I would absolutely get some side action on that

and just be like, OK, this kid from Israel and global guts. That guy's a world beater. I think there were, you know, there was all the, you know, the crew of the show. They're all young people all in our, you know, early to mid 20s. And so I think there was some of that going on. But, you know, honestly, I was so focused on the work. It was like I was doing the play by play and the analysis.

And then we'd go right into the replays. And I was trying to make it so that every show was a little bit different. So it was I was so hyper focused when I was making the show that I was even. OK, what are we doing? What's this kid's name? And and and I think one of the things that's interesting about about being in that position, like, you know, you guys know, because you're irreverent and you, you know, you crack jokes and, you know, grown ups, you know,

can kind of if you were if that was a show for adult guys, you can kind of, you know, crack jokes at their expense and they'd laugh at themselves. You have to be really, really careful when you're working with, especially, you know, 12, 13 year old kids that you don't say anything that is going to, you know, upset them because, you know, you go on TV, they'll go back in there. You know, the kids, their friends are making fun of them because they lost on guts or whatever.

You know, so I was just always had kind of this hyper awareness of what the experience was for the kids. So I wasn't even thinking about that. I know. OK, so last guts question I had. Do you remember any of, like, the greatest competitors? Yes, John, the warrior, OK, was unbelievable, like, she was unbelievable. And she actually came. We did a guts, Nickelodeon guts, All-Star special that

Lawrence Taylor ended up hosting that we actually sold back then a VCR, a videotape of that episode. And I think, you know, John, John, the warrior, she was unbelievable. There's also another kid. What was it? Robbie, the animal. He was pretty amazing. I have a name, but I have a name. I have one guy who, weirdly enough, I sort of stalked because he

he had the perfect game and I always thought he was incredible. And like, this guy has to be like a pro athlete. He turns out he wasn't. But we interviewed him. I interviewed him on a podcast I used to be on, basically stalked him down. Do you remember the name Brian Beer? I don't, you know, I don't remember Brian. I mean, it's just like he had a perfect score.

He had a perfect score. He beat everyone big cap. What can I tell you, 27 years ago? Yeah, I mean, it was a weird moment for me. I kind of stalked, you know, like, well, he wasn't 13 anymore, but I stalked him after the fact. The name Brian Beer should be tough to forget. I remember watching it and then I was like, oh, my God, this guy,

like, how is he not, you know, the greatest baseball player of all time now? And yeah, it was great. He actually still has the crag when we interviewed him. He showed it to us. Did he did he play college? Did he play college for? No, no, he peaked the guts. But that's OK.

That's OK, too, because he's got the crag and I would pay anything to have the crag. Oh, I would much rather peak as a 12 year old on national television in front of Moe and maybe she'd take me on a date afterwards. Then I would peak in high school where nobody remembers it. Yeah. So so wait, let me just ask that again and just say you remember him. So do you remember a guy named Brian Beer? Yeah, I remember him. He was amazing.

I thought he was going all pro perfect score. Perfect, perfect, perfect answer. Mike, yeah, the piece of the agro crag, that was like a childhood goal of mine to get a piece of that. It wasn't actually a piece of the crag, though, right? Like the agro crag didn't get smaller over the course of the series. I'll actually show you this. Oh, hell, yes.

Do you have the agro crag in your backyard? Yeah, he's got it right there. That's like a prime spot. I mean, you're in your home right now. That is that looks like the sitting room that everyone come. You know, your guests come over and it's like, boom, there's the agro crag. I want to smoke that down to either my fantasy football trophy or, you know, I didn't win an Emmy.

So that's what I got. I got a piece of the agro crag. That's way better, way better. Do you know how many people have Emmys? I mean, thousands who the fuck cares? They give them to everyone. Less people have that. But why don't we figure out the charity of your guys choice?

Because I know you're big hearted people. Why don't we auction that off? Oh, wow. That's a lot of pressure. But OK, yes, we're in the children's hospital money. Yeah, we'll do a children's hospital. Yeah, we'll find a children's hospital. We could absolutely auction that off for a lot of money.

All right. So I'm telling the pardon my take of fans right now. OK, the AWS. Yeah. We got the piece of the agro crag. Let's find somebody who works at some big tech company or some venture capitalist who has a ton of dough and they can have my piece of the crag, but it has to go to it has to go.

Like you said, the children's hospital or somebody. OK, the funniest part about all this is like, I'm probably going to win because I'm going to I'm going to bid the most money. I don't care. We should let me buy it off. Just tell Elon Musk that it's actually fuel. Yeah. And so if you get this fuel, then that'll get you to Mars. Your guys are going to look up and be like, who ended up winning?

And it's some random LLC that I created yesterday. I like that you create an LLC to like relieve your tax burden on this. But it's just to buy a piece of the agro crag. Yeah, by the crack. Totally. But it's also helping people, right? Yes. All that money that we're at all that money that Pres was going to give to the NFL now that he can't sit. Yes. Yes. That's true.

We could get that. Yes. Right. That's actually an interesting transition because you are a big Boston sports fan. You actually had a sports blog back in 2007. So you were like, you were the other sports guy at the time. And in alternate world, you could be my boss, Dave or Bill Simmons. Did you did you think about like sticking with blog life after that? No. Well, you know, what happened on that was Jean Louisa Kelly,

who was on yesterday or sitcom that I did on CBS for many years. She's married to Jimmy Petaro, who's now the president of ESPN. And back in the day, he was at Yahoo, Yahoo Sports. And he asked me because I think I was it was right after because yeah, it was 2007 that I did that. It was after Yes, Deirdre got canceled and he said, hey, I'm going to get my friend. I think it was the guy, you know, who's the guy who plays turtle on entourage? He was going to write about the Yankees.

Yeah, exactly. And I was going to write about I was going to write about the Red Sox. So that was what was amazing to me is how hard it is to do that well and to turn out really good writing. I I jumped off that ship very quickly because I realized how hard it is to write very good, funny, creative, smart blogs in a, you know, immediate amount of time where you're competing against other people

who are writing about the same thing. It's just very, very hard to do. And so that was that was it. So you also had looking back at your career. We're kind of progressing here. The character of Rick, the commercials, the Rick on ESPN. Do you you're obviously an avid sports fan. Do you ever chuckle at the fact that you were basically foreshadowing

Darren Ravel's life because I watch back some of these commercials and you had like you had the Tiger Woods dry cleaning from Augusta Bill. You had the contact lens that Greg Maddox left at an airport. And like you were obviously doing it in jest. And then Darren Ravel has done that for real where he'll tweet out like, I have this person's like freshman student ID card and then accidentally tweet out their social security. Right. Yeah. You know, I think that, you know,

one of the things that was interesting about that is that the the commercials were, you know, written and created by this guy, Steve O'Brien, who's from Boston and a guy that I went to college with court Crandall and court Crandall then went on to write, you know, old school, the movie. And so this is back in 98. And they told me about this character. This is before I had done my first sitcom. And they told me that Christopher Guest was directing these spots.

And so that was the cool thing about it was that everyone, you know, you guys love sports, too. So you get it oftentimes on, you know, television or, you know, comic movies, they paint, you know, they had it be a face painter. And it was always a guy yelling. And I just always thought that now sports is so much more intense and so much more emotional and so much more serious. And I just wanted to, you know, make that character guy was like,

no, these things are really serious. And look, you know, you have heroes, everyone has heroes. Anytime they get to connect with those people, even when you're, you know, you're a little kid and, you know, we grow up, we play these sports, we play these games, we know how difficult it is. You know, sometimes, you know, you know, sports fans get made fun of. Why do you play so much importance in that? And I wanted to try to do a character was like, this really just means a lot

to me and I'm finding joy in whatever way I find it. And it was, it was a trip. It was, you know, and that character, I've been doing it now for 20 years. So that it was, it was just fun. They, they just see it had very long spots. It's also the beauty of that character. And I think you can find a lot actually in our show is that sports have become more analytical, fans have become a lot smarter.

But I think it's okay to just be like, yeah, I have an inner meatball in me. And yeah, I care way too much about this stuff. Sue me. Like, what do you want me to do? I yeah, when, when my team loses, I'm bummed out for a week. That's just what I am as a person. And that's the wreck. And that really was me when I was, you know, when I was an adult. I mean, when the Red Sox lost in 2003, I woke up and I was just like,

I cannot even believe what I just went through. And, you know, my wife, who's from Syracuse, New York. I mean, she knew that I was a big Red Sox fan. And, and, you know, she was like, wow, this is really serious. Like, yes, it's really serious. But I don't know. I think that it's, it's like, you know, people, you say to your wife, you say to your girlfriend, well, you're, you know, you're crying at,

you know, terms of endearment or beaches or the notebook. It's not, this is a fake story. It's like, I'm, I'm, I'm watching a person who just made a massive error or gave up the game winning hit and he's devastated. And I care about him because I've been watching him every day, play this game and talking about it. It's just, you know, I, anyone, if you have to explain why you care sports about obviously just doesn't understand humanity.

Yeah. Yes. The way that sports make us feel is the way that you make people feel on parenthood, just like having, having a good cry afterwards and you don't get over it for a couple of days. Right. Well, exactly. And how I've on parenthood, they made me wear like a double fat suit.

Like I had the like wear three fat suits for the character. And I literally was saying to them on that show, I said, you guys are going to have to put out like a public service. Like you're going to have to put out a PR or press release to say like, I'm not that heavy. I'm not that sick because people are going to watch this and they're going to be like, Oh my God, what happened to this guy? He's this is just, he's gone off the bend.

You should have worn the fat suit out to like the supermarket where you knew that there were going to be some paparazzi one point and just like pictures in the on TMZ have Harvey just talking about how much weight you put on. Yeah. Like what happened to O'Malley? He just said, it's just like, it's like just the sweatpants is just like, forget it, man. I'm like, I'm going to break through 230.

I'm going straight to 290. It don't matter. So we do a thing on our show. Where we do spin zones, where we kind of just reverse, you know, the logic or a bad situation, I'm going to spin zone something for you. The Michael Malley show flop. Yes. Two episodes. That's one episode more than our television show that got canceled after one episode.

So you were twice as successful in that. How though did you deal with that kind of setback? Because it's I mean, you've you've bounced back. Obviously you've had a long, long career. But in that moment, did it feel like, fuck, what do I do now? I just had a show with my name on it and it didn't work. Yeah, that was that was a very, very difficult situation for me, because I didn't have a movie or a theater career to go back to.

I've been trying to become, you know, you know, Tom Hanks or, you know, Bill Murray or, you know, Michael Keaton. These are the guys that I admired coming up. And, you know, I think one of the things that happens when you're young and you're an actor and you're going, you know, you're you're having, you know, little parts here, little parts there. You know, they're they're trying to develop the next thing and you get a shot. And for me, I don't think I had a really clear awareness of how competitive it is

in the sense that your show was going on at that time. There was only, you know, five, six networks. Your show is going on at 9 30 on on Tuesday night. And the other networks, if you succeed, their shows fail. And so it's just so, so, so hyper competitive. And so the only people rooting for you to succeed are the people at your network and your friends and your family. And and so afterwards, I think that I was, but it's not like, like I should

have been paying attention. You just don't think that anything is going to happen to you. You know, you read, you know, if you do it, if you're in a movie or you wake up on a Friday and you read the New York Times and you read 10 movie reviews and three or four of them are just absolutely devastating to people. If you don't know anyone in that, or you're just like, Hey, did you see that terrible review that somebody got? It's like, it's just sport to everyone else, right?

But but to you, you think, how am I ever going to come back from this? Because, you know, I'm just a guy who, you know, I was born in Boston. I grew up in New Hampshire and I got a show. And but I had great friends and that's one of the most important things I think, and I try to tell my kids in life. I had tremendous friends. I had tremendous friends in my hometown. I had tremendous friends that I went to college with in the

University of New Hampshire. And and I had I had great friends when I was living in New York in my 20s. And and when you really know who your friends are, they're able to pick you up and kind of atomize a little bit of that grief. When you go through something like that, it was hard. It was hard because it's very public and your name is on it. Right. And so that's the people like that. Michael Malley shows sucked.

It's like Michael Malley sucks. And thank God, the Internet didn't exist because, you know, people and people still talk about it. But you I think that you get very seasoned very quickly. You believe that you have something, you know, you guys have your show. You believe that you're funny. There's a lot of other people who believe that too. And, you know, maybe I'm not the kind of show that some people wanted to.

But I but I I knew that I had something to offer. I knew that I was talented enough to to work in this business. And, you know, the people who were on that show with me, Will Arnett, Kate Walsh, Missy Yeager, Mark Rosenthal, my sister, Carrie. They're all, you know, who's directed by Janey Widows, who's, you know, Hoover from Animal House. They were all good people. And I think just to put a cap on this is that everyone who works

in show business has failures. And so inside of the business, when you're working inside of it, there's other people like, yeah, you know what, that one, that one didn't work. But, you know, we're behind you. We believe in you where, you know, I had great agents at CAA who were very, very supportive of me. They were really great. You know, you hear bad things about agents all the time.

They were, they were like, no, man, this is like, you got a raw deal. It's, it's okay. We're going to, we're going to get, get through this. And, and that was very fortifying for me because it was tough. I like that. I mean, here's the other spin zone is it makes you insanely more interesting and likable because no one wants to talk to someone who's had success every step of the way.

This is the relatable part. Like when we failed, everyone saw it and was like, Hey, you're out there and it didn't work. And it's kind of like, once you, once you bounce back, you have a story to tell. Right. Right. And I think that you also have an expectation, you know, you, you realize now I think that, you know, for myself, I just try to, to, you know, be about the

work, you know, people talk about like, well, you know, hard work pays off and it does, but you can't always be thinking about how it's going to pay off. You really have to be present. You really have to be, you know, in control. I just, I want to pass this along because I know you got a lot of listeners who, you know, are, are interested in a lot of different things. But I have been reading a lot of Markets Aurelius, the Stoics, and there's this book by Donald Robertson about the Stoics.

And basically, you know, the Stoics and thinking about what is it that you can control, you know, you can control your emotional reaction to things. And it's something that even 53 years old, you know, I wish I had been steeped in this stuff when I was younger to not to say that an emotion can't come up and it can't make you feel one way or the other, but to realize it's like, even like in this pandemic, for instance, it's like, what can I control? I can't control when I'm going back to work. I can't control when they're going to find the vaccine.

What can I do as a dad right now? I could try to, you know, wake up, be a good dad, be really locked into what my kids are, you know, feeling or experiencing emotionally and, and be there for them and try to enjoy this period of time. But I really recommend because it's, you know, in a way ecumenical, the if that's the right word, it's, it's, you know, the Stoics, Marcus really said in particular, just read it, man. It's it's it's cool stuff and it's not too deep.

I think you're the first person to reference Roman philosophy on this pocket, probably not the last. You actually could probably work at HBO Sports as a vice president. If you've got that depth of knowledge to be just pulling that out of your bag. Yes, yes. That's that's very impressive. Um, that's a good point. Oh, I don't know.

I don't know. Listen, man, I followed that story. I don't know. It is a good point, though. And I like what you said about, you know, being able to, you know, being able to bounce back and like Big Cat said, having a story to tell after things like, uh, if you were to tie into sports, when the Red Sox lost in 2003, it made winning in 2004 that much better of a feeling, right?

If you've experienced that type of heartbreak from Aaron fucking Boone, then it's pretty awesome when Kurt Schilling paints some red, you know, paint on a socks, comes back to a three deficit. And then you guys win your first World Series and what, like a hundred and 15 years or whatever it is. That's that, like the bounce back is a very, very sweet part of life because it does feel that much better. Yeah.

And if, and it feels like you've, you know, you, you feels like you've earned that. I mean, look at one of the, I hadn't experienced during the 2004 season and, and, uh, where I'd gotten to know some of the guys through different charity events that I had hosted. And I got to go through the dugout at the end of a game. And those guys were crazy, right? And, um, and I got to know Johnny Damon a little bit and we were sitting in the seats and at the game, I think they won, it was a walk off and they won the game.

And I had a beer and Johnny comes over and gets the beer right outside the dugout. He starts drinking the beer as I'm, you know, uh, walking out. He says, come on in, come through the dug, come, you know, come down through. And I'm like, you know, I grew up Fred Lynn, Carl Yastremsky, Jim Rice. I mean, like I wanted to be a baseball player. And so here I am walking through the dugout into the clubhouse in the middle of a pennant race in August of, uh, you know, 2004. And this was what was interesting to me and why I tell this story.

There were no cameras. There were no, you know, there were no people other than in there, other than the guys on the team and they were going nuts. They were cheering for each other. Slap, you know, it was like you're in a high school, you know, game and it was, this is your team and these are your guys. And to think that these guys were professional athletes and they cared that much and were so pumped up for each other and celebrating one another.

I don't know. It kind of made like, um, it made that feeling that you're, you're cheering for sports feel good because I think all of us, you know, all of us are, are constantly, uh, you know, seeking fellowship and friendships with people and shared experiences and, and joy. And it was kind of cool to get a glimpse into that, um, you know, that here are these guys who are paid to do this, but that's, this is the feeling that it generates for them, uh, even though it is their job.

That is kind of affirming to be a fan and to see that firsthand because a lot of times I think team of players on whatever team, they might not get along real well, they're in it because they're making a lot of money and they're doing really well for themselves and their career, but it is cool to see a team that kind of appreciates that the same way that you look at it and you feel that same feeling, that amount of investment in it. It makes you feel like maybe I'm not wasting my time, you know, spending thousands of dollars on season tickets, buying all the merchandise, watching

every game and investing myself emotionally in something that maybe they're not as emotionally invested in. Right. And, and, you know, it's like, especially try, like I just remember Trot Nixon, he was just like the kind of guy like you wish like was on your team and cheering you on because you saw that, you know, for me, you know, sometimes I don't necessarily want to read about the intrigue if the team isn't getting along, you know, there's a thing about, um, you know, actors and if you're in a

play in particular, uh, and people come back and they see the show and they've seen you be in the show and, but you had a better performance than, you know, you were more locked in, you felt you're a little bit locked in the night before people come backstage and they say, wow, that was a great show because they took, they went on the journey of, of the story and then you're like, well, you should have been here last night, you know, like nobody, nobody wants to hear that, right? You go see, you know, your favorite band and they're like, ah, they were better,

you know, or the, you know, Bono's like, ah, I was more locked in yesterday. Doesn't matter. I'm having my experience. I'm seeing them. I'm enjoying them. That's the job of the professional athlete. And sometimes I, I don't read so much about the intrigue behind the scenes because I want to feel like they get along.

I mean, you read about the 86 Red Sox, 25 guys, 25 cabs, a famous story. Well, when I was in college watching that team, you know, I didn't enjoy it less. I didn't know that about them, but now I kind of look back on it. I was like, I really rooted for this team where the guys didn't like each other. Yeah. Yeah. Kevin Millar didn't see you naked in the locker room after that.

Did he? No, he didn't. Nobody, nobody, he has an encyclopedia of penises that he's seen. That he will just straight up tell you, yeah. No, Kevin, I've seen your penis. He's told someone about it. I just had a beer. I didn't disrobe or shower there.

I think that would have been a little bit odd. The guy from yes, dear, so so a cross from sports to acting. Is there a zone? Do you get in a zone when you're acting? When you're like, holy shit, I'm locked in. I'm this is like I'm nailing this. Well, I think in terms of comedy, you know, you definitely can get into a zone because it's all about it's it's it's the it's the pace.

It's the it's the metronome. It's there. It's like if you really feel like you're playing the scene perfectly and nailing, you know, it's all about delivery and timing with comedy. So you feel like you're in a zone there. I think that in terms of, you know, performing in a drama, it's like when you really know your language, I was unjustified. I'll tell you an interesting story about justified.

I I I did like six episodes on justified. I played this guy. Nikki Augustine, who was a mafia hitman. And after I'd finished yes, dear, I'd really wanted to start doing more dramatic roles and I didn't I wanted to kind of move away from comedy. And I went to the set of justified and I was really stoked because it was a cool show and I had my scenes all prepared because I, you know, when you're especially when you're a gas actor, you don't get a lot of takes.

You're going to be there. You really want to do good work. And I was in the scene with Jerry Burns and and Steven Tobolowski, who's both of these guys, character actors, been along around a long time. And when I get there, they said, hey, we're throwing these pages out. We got a whole new idea for a scene and we're going to go upstairs and write them. And the writer says to me is like, OK, so here's my idea for the scene. You and Tobolowski, you went to grade school together.

Now, Google Steven Tobolowski, he's 25 years older than me. So the first thing when I hear that is like, how bad do I look? I mean, my terrible, like I must like. I got like, I got to like get a skin peel or chemical peel. I need to get the Jerry Jones, you know, like eyes fixed. Like I got to do something because I look terrible. So I don't hear another word they say and they go up and they write the scene. They come back down me and Tobolowski, 40 year difference.

Apparently we went to grade school together and we do the scene and we run the scene, we run the scene, we run the scene and my adrenaline was pumped so high and I wanted to do such a good job that you just kick into a second gear and you're really, really hyper focused and the scene. I'll send it to you guys. I'll send you my real if you want to look at it, you know, I got to shoot Steven Tobolowski in the head and it was awesome. That's a good ending. That is a great idea.

I have a very important question for you and our producer Hank might want to chime in because we've had this discussion. He's a die hard Tom Brady fan. Will you be buying a Bucks jersey and how much will you be rooting for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers this upcoming season? I am in that window right now where I think I have to get 10 years older before I buy another adult man's jersey. I think that wearing a jersey when you're younger than the player

or when you're far, maybe 25 to 30 years older than the player is acceptable. But at 53 years old, I I really cannot be buying a jersey. That doesn't that's about rooting. Yeah, let's talk about rooting because Hank is is firmly in the the Bucks are his second team now very clearly. And he would love for Tom Brady to win a Super Bowl in Tampa Bay. If if the Patriots aren't there, if the Patriots aren't there. I am a big Tom Brady fan.

I will be rooting for his success. Rob Gronkowski, I am running a new show about professional wrestling for the Stars Network that we're going into production at the end of the month. We tried to get Rob Gronkowski in the show. We had a bunch of meetings with him and I thought, you know, he's he also has brought the O'Malley family great joy. So I'm rooting for both of those guys. But but, you know, he legitimately was going to be acting

and not and not doing football anymore. But I I think that I'm interested in because of those guys getting back together. It's certainly Tom. I think he's an inspiration to people. Anybody over the age of 40, he's an inspiration to. But I will I will I will not root for him if they were playing the Patriots, but I will root for him and I will follow what they do. He's I also think he's a great guy.

So did it take the sting out of losing Brady and having Gronk come back to get Cam Newton last week? Was that kind of like a moment where you're like, OK, we can do this again. It's not over. I think so. You know, for for me, you know, my son was so stoked when he found out that Cam Newton was going to be, you know, we we root for the laundry, right? So we're excited. I was actually intrigued with the idea that we're going to be going

with the brand new quarterback and seeing, you know, what they can do. And I think that people are getting excited about it. But we know enough about the Patriots that until the roster is there in the first game and until they, you know, he's playing with them for a while. I mean, it's, you know, Coach Belichick has proven it's like he's the boss. And, you know, how is it going to work out? I don't know. You know, so I'm excited. I think he's a tremendous athlete. I think he's, you know, Cam Newton's funny.

I love his style. I think he's he's going to be great for the Patriots. You know, just that team changing it up from what it has been. But we all know if he doesn't fit the program, it ain't going to, you know, it ain't going to happen. Well, you also have, I mean, with Belichick being the best coach of all time, he could just put anyone at quarterback and everyone would be like, he probably sees something no one else does like this guy, like, and he probably could suck, but it's like, Hey, Jared Stidham, like,

but why do you have one pass on him? Yes. Do you think big cat, do you think that you could play quarterback and complete the pass in the NFL for a coach Belichick coached team? How many, how many chances do I get? Just one pass. Shovel pass. Yes. Shovel pass. Yeah. Hey, guys, I'm talking on, on the, on the internet here. I'm doing an interview. I think I give you, I give you actually all four downs.

We're not even going to punt on four and probably one pack. Probably not. I think you could do a shovel. My pants either that are like one of those tosses that barely goes. No, what, what, what, what, like we always forget as sports fans is it's not even the like throwing strength or anything. It's that every little piece moves faster for athletes. So just like getting the snap and going back in a drop, or if even if I'm in shotgun and like, and like getting ready and like dropping,

you know, doing a three step drop will take so much longer. And I'll be just flattened by everyone. I think that I would probably be terrified just standing back there. Like I'm, you know, I'm terrified when I walk down Bronson Canyon hiking and there's too much sand there because I'm going to slip and blow out my knee. So I don't know. I don't know, man. I think out of the shotgun, I think I could, I think I could complete a pass.

If it, if it was maybe to Edelman and he takes two steps. It's a wide receiver screen. Yeah, wide receiver screen or you could set up in shotgun. I have to be like a jet sweep type thing where it's just about the time and you get the ball and you just pop it in front of you. Yeah, that's a pass. It takes it away. Yeah. Yeah. That is. Yes. OK.

So yes, we could do it. Yes. A pass of air yards more than like five yards down the line of scrimmage. Absolutely not. No chance. When's the last time you ever watched Heaven Can Wait, the Warren Beatty movie? Just last night. Yeah, I was finishing it last night. I actually watched a little bit this morning. I like to watch it.

I refresh myself every couple of weeks. OK, all right, guys. Oh, guys, listen, man, I love, I love you guys. Oh, that is, by the way, if we if we were shooting a show that you don't even need to extra take, we've got two cameras working on that. You guys delivered that perfectly. Yeah, we don't even need to cut it. It's perfect. Warren Beatty. Beautiful.

Yeah, legend. Is that the guy with the big cock? That's the guy that's Milton Burrell. Oh, yeah. Milton Burrell's got. Well, I don't know. You're kids listening. Warren Beatty. My bad. Unconfirmed penis size. Well, Kevin Malar. I'm getting a little like, yeah, I should have probably brought headphones for this interview.

No, I didn't. I didn't know there was only one. It's true. All right. I have one last question. I lied to you. I do have another guts question. Check out Snowpiercer TNT Sunday night, season finale, nine Eastern, eight Central. We're also going to figure out we are going to figure out this this agro crack. We're going to donate. It's going to be awesome.

We'll make a big thing of it. I I think you know what we'll do. We'll do it. You I would assume you every now and then get into New York City, right? Yes. OK. So what we're going to do is we're going to not only do a auction, but part of the auction will be you come and you hang out in the studio and you'll come by and we'll have you back on the show and you can hang out and we'll pass off the agro crack.

So we'll do a whole thing. It's going to be great. And I'll put on a dress and speak in an Australian accent. I'll pretend to be Moe. You're going to pass it to me because I'm going to win this auction. But yeah, it will be a whole. We'll make it a whole event. So my last question, I did have one more guts question.

When the lights went off and everyone went home, did you sometimes put on a helmet and do all the competitions and test out all the, you know, the pool and the race course and everything? Please tell me you did. Yes, we did. We we would crack some beers and we'd we'd especially get in those, you know, mad bikes and we'd ride those around.

And we we never had a keg, but we had quite a few beers in the extreme arena. And there are pictures of us jumping into the pool. Yes, that sounds awesome. That sounds like just a dream land. Yes, that's perfect. I'm happy you answered it that way. Um, yeah, that I mean, this has been a very enlightening interview for me. Yeah, I had another question about something later on in your career,

but I want to end this just talking about guts. Yeah, because I fucking love that show. That's awesome. Thank you so much for making my after schools better when I was a child. And just so you know, I would immediately turn it off when legends of the hidden temple came on, I was a guts man through and through. Yeah, everyone knew. Listen, man, such a letdown. I'll put you when Omec came out with Mark Somers and Kirk Fogg.

OK, you those guys are good guys, too. You should talk to them. Yes. It's nice to meet you. I hope I see you in person. I hope we raise a lot of money. I really I I, you know, I've been waiting to part with that. Yes, because I know people want it, but I think we can actually get rid of it with with a lot of good going to somebody else. Yeah, is this your wife saying like, hey, can we please get this glowing

piece of rock out of the living room like like Michael Scott St. Pauli girl signed in the living room? Yeah. No, listen, my wife's great. OK, she's got maximum hang factor. She's awesome. So she knows she knows when she married me. You know, I didn't get married till I was in my early 30s. So she know what she she knew what she was getting into. There you go. Oh, I do have one last, last question.

Yes, did you audition for any roles in the league? Because I feel like that that show was pretty much scripted to have you as either one of the main characters or like the wacky neighbor that comes over. No, I did not audition for that. You know, a lot of, you know, a lot of the different sort of groups of comedy that, you know, those guys that are doing that show, you know, that, you know, they have their friends there, their writing roles for themselves and their writing roles for their pals.

So a lot of a lot of times like a show like that sort of comes pre-packaged. So I think when I was I think when that was going on, I was doing I was writing on shameless at that point. And I was trying to get my my next my own show going. So I wasn't I wasn't really, you know, acting as much. I was trying to transition more into a writer. Awesome. Well, Mike, this has been awesome. We appreciate it. Let's we'll link up and we will definitely do this aggro crag.

And we'll have you in studio and it'll be awesome. Hey, guys, it's great talking to you, man. All right, good to meet you for the rest of the summer. Thanks so much. You too. See you. All right. OK, let's finish up with a couple of segments. By the way, I love the beat reporters, the baseball beat reporters, just reporting on all these like intrasquad practices where they're like,

good news, the Cubs are pitching great bad news. The Cubs are getting no hit. Right. It can't be it can't be both good. Yeah, there's just absolutely no way that it can be a double one. I like that they were saying like if if you think that Max Scherzer was fun to watch with nobody or with people in the stands, he is way more better to watch, way better to watch with nobody in the stands because you can hear him just cussing out every single batter,

even in an intersquad scrimmage, grunting and everything. OK, let's do we're going to embrace the debate. And then we have documentary review. First two episodes, a home game, which is on Netflix about weird sports. So embrace debate. PFT, you have this embrace debate. Yes, I actually have a bonus one, too. OK, mine is LeBron James versus Mike Tyson in a boxing match.

OK, this started out going around yesterday as a meme. Skip Bayless addressed it on what's his show called Skipping Shannon, whatever. Undisputed. You the man. Great show. Love the show on FS one. Skip. But they they actually addressed it and debated it and Shannon in a boxing match. LeBron James versus Mike Tyson in his prime. Is that what they were saying? I mean, if it's in his prime, that's the dumbest argument of all time.

It's obviously LeBron James. Mike Tyson would fucking crush LeBron James. I don't care how tall LeBron is, handspeed, just like everything. Everything about my bronze James in his prime versus Mike Tyson. Now might be a conversation. It might be might be something. Not even though not even I would still say Mike Tyson. Yeah, I can't get hit.

Because he would cry. He would literally flop out of the ring. He would flop out of the ring. Yes, that's right. He would go down. Mike Tyson. Take a punch. Has never been punched in his life. Well, so I was talking about that with Bubba before the show started. When was the last time you think LeBron James got into a fight?

Maybe in high school. He's probably got some elbows. He's probably got like a G and the big three probably run a little bit LeBron once jumped over someone in a nutcracker drill in high school football. I read that once. Oh, that's pretty close to a fight. Thanks, Billy. You avoid content. I wanted to fight him when he when he made me look at his dick on repeat

when I was going back on DVR, trying to find it before the game started that one time. He's watched. I mean, he clearly knows what doing a bit is like. So maybe he knows what being in a fight is like. That's a good point. I. Yeah, this is crazy. Mike, I love whenever we do the boxers like in their prime, because especially heavyweights,

like they just kill everyone. You know, it should kill everyone. I. Yeah, it's like anything. I still take a punch from Floyd. Boxing training. I realize I've never been trained to box. Yeah, I think I could beat up if there's like a 90 year old former professional boxer, 50 percent of I could get a Floyd made

Mayweather's dad in 25 years. Remember how fast his hands were? Holy shit. Very scary. All right. The other embraced debate I had. I want you guys to decide which side of the argument you are on for this. I'm going to give you two quotes. Tell me who you agree with more. Nobody has ever played golf like Tiger Woods.

Nobody's ever handled pressure like Tiger Woods. Nobody's ever won by a wider margin than Tiger Woods. That's quote one. Quote two is I would argue that Tiger's got the least out of his talent of any player, maybe in history, maybe in history. Who would you side with? I would side with the second person, because they're clearly insane. And I don't want to get on their bad side.

Well, it was actually a trick question, because it's the same person. And it's our friend, Brandless Chambliss. OK, so he is an insane person. He's an insane person. And Blinley Chambliss, I guess this is this is his like big time take that he's been throwing out there that no one has left more on the table and gotten the least out of his talent than Tiger Woods. He only got 19 majors. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. 14 major, whatever it is, like making it seem like majors are the easiest thing in the world. How many does he have? Like I think it's 15. I think 14, maybe. Yeah, I want to say yeah, 14, 14. I would say Tiger Woods got the most out of his ability, like being able to bounce back from having like all those affairs. That's tough.

And also just being raised like a cyborg. Yeah. That also probably wasn't the easiest thing. Yeah, he is. He's the best golfer who's also a Navy SEAL of all time. Mm hmm. Best sport athlete. By the way, I didn't like Golf Digest making fun of our friend Brooks Kepka. He's going through a loss.

He lost Brooks of the Year, Blake of the Year. And they had a sick. They tweeted him just like head down. I guess he shot poorly today. You know what, Brooks is such a good friend, I didn't even look up his score. It's in the pluses. That's fine. Well, I know that. But how bad? It's not a major.

It's not even it's not even the traveler. So who cares? I didn't even look it up. He doesn't show up unless there's a big ass trophy for you at the end of it. Oh, plus two. It was like someone tweeted it out of here. Golf Digest, haters. And he's probably just chilling out.

Well, shout out to Brooks, who also had a great tweet yesterday. And it was just the Kenny Powers on steroids gift. Yep, wonder who that could have been directed at. I like it. Team Brooks on the way to chimpanzee. Sometimes we'll have bad rounds. It's golf, dude. It's golf. It's a Thursday golf. Golf Digest should know that nobody cares about Thursday golf.

Yeah, you win championships on Sunday. Last time I checked. All right, let's finish up. We got our documentary review. We watched the first two episodes of home game. Oh, I should. I should actually address this real quick before we get to that. Following up on our embraced debate from Wednesday show. There have been three separate NFL coaches that said that they would hire me as a kicker on game day.

I saw I saw those tweets. It was a nice Mike Wilbon name drop that I have three. No, I didn't drop any names. NFL coaches in my phone. I didn't drop any names. So I also deleted Sean McFay's number from my phone because now he's a green bubble. I got it. Time for that. Got it. So change the number.

I was I've been rewatching the office. And yeah, do you guys remember the scene when when I think it's it's Jim and Pam's first kid is christened and Michael Scott shows up and he's like, like what an honor for me. The Godfather and Pam's like, I need you to say that you're not the Godfather. And he's like joking around. He's like, no, no, no, of course I'm not. He's like, no, no, I need you to say the words.

I'm not the Godfather. I need you to say the words that you're not an NFL caliber kicker. You could make a team. Yes. Somehow. Yes. OK, that's all I'm going. I need you to say the words. Oh, I'm definitely not. I'm definitely not an NFL caliber kicker. I know that that's never been. I don't think you're a hundred.

You're you're in the top 100,000 kickers in the country. Yes. But maybe playing that conversation. You did start with 50, 50 chance to make a team. Listen, I'm not saying I'm an NFL caliber kicker unless I make an NFL team. At which point I am. Then you would then you would. Then you would. Absolutely.

I need to get you invested in this somehow, big cat, because this this movement can be a lot stronger. Here's the problem. If you're on my side, here's the problem. I if if it were all a joke, I'd be in. But it's I can tell there's 25 percent real. There's like, yeah, like actual like I do think I'm an NFL caliber. No, I'm not. I'm definitely not.

I'm here. So I actually did the math. There might be there might be the problem. No, there might be more than 100,000 better than OK, because I was thinking, OK, who am I better at in terms of people that kick for a living? Pretty much any college kicker that's graduated in the last 15 to 20 years is better than I am right now. Most high school kickers at decent sized college or decent sized schools are probably better than me right now.

I'll admit that. But do they have a negative antibody test? Are they standing outside MetLife Stadium with their cleats in their hand ready to go? That was a big part of it. I think my issue is I need you to either say it's a joke or if you said I like I really, really think I can make an XFL team and I want to make an XFL team XFL team on the merits of my kicking, I would be like, let's go.

Let's do it. But I don't know which one it is, so I can't figure it out. And I don't want it to be like I I think I can make it. And then when you don't be like just a bit. So you've you've seen me kick at my worst when you've been holding for me. I've seen you kick at your best, too. I've watched the video. You watch the video. So so I'm not bad. No, you're not. But I'm definitely not bad. I'm absolutely not good enough to make any sort of professional football team

on my own merits. I will put my hand up. But as a joke, you can make it as it. But then I'm in. But as a joke, I can make it. And if I get a chance in a game, I might make an extra point. Oh, yeah, I think you make an extra point. Yes, I absolutely think you make that from then, which on point, you are truly a professional professional caliber was never really a joke.

Yes. And then I'm in. There is zero part of my brain that thinks that I'm a professional caliber kicker. I think what the part I struggle with is I sometimes I feel like you were like, I actually probably can make this team with the vendors. Yeah. And I was like, I don't want you to get your like either. If you if you really think that I'm I will support you as a friend. But I also like if you think it, but you don't and we're like caught in that gray area, are we?

So I thought that I could make the defenders because I'm not bad. And then they just kind of stash me and then maybe bring me out kind of like, you know, the make a wish kids at the end of the season where they let the kids score a touchdown. And then if you got if you got to make a wish, then I'm so down to be like, yeah, this is a podcast hosted by an ex, you know, an ex pro athlete. At that point, we become Mike and Mike and you're the nerd and I'm the professional athlete. I'm all in because it's like you actually were in there.

But yeah, I'm just confused. Zero percent in my brain that I think I'm deserving on my merits of being a professional kicker. One percent. Zero percent. One semi pro. Semi pro. Half a percent. Zero percent. Trust me, definitely make an extra point. Yes. So here's the deal. I'm not professional caliber. If I got the opportunity, then you are because of these very specific scenario

that I've set up where both the punter and the kicker indisposed due to COVID are me stabbing the punter on the morning before a game. I think I could step in and you're standing in MetLife Stadium parking line with a negative COVID test that you took 20 minutes before. Yes. Are the antibodies or the antibodies with your cleats and full uniform? I think they probably would want you to just come full uniform. They don't want to have to go. Listen, if I'm going to make this happen, I can't ask them for any favors whatsoever.

I have to be like ready to go in the uniform, sign that if you die, whatever looked on the record, if I die on the field, I'm only holding my own brain responsible for this. It's not. There's no liability on the NFL and I'll donate my salary to the children's hospital. We should probably have chaps build you a locker that we can put on wheels that you can just put in the hallway. So you don't even have to go in the locker room. No, I won't even shower with you guys.

You just get everything out of the way when the Patriots play there. I'll even get a tattoo on my forearm that says 110 percenter because that's the kind of effort that I'm going to get. Yes. Yes. Listen, I'm ready to go. All right. We'll bring a net. We'll bring your own balls. OK. Yes. Yes. If you do all that, we're good. What? Don't forget the jocking girdle.

Jocking girdle. Don't forget the jocking girdle. I always wear a jockstrap. I'm like to share over here. Don't forget the jocking girdle. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Then I think there's a chance that you could get signed. I'm not delusional. No. Well, you are, but not for that reason. Yes.

Yeah. Not for the kicking anymore. All right. Let's do home game Netflix. OK, so we watched the first two. I guess we'll start with number one. The what the fuck is that sport called? Cal Cal, Calcio, Matiato, historical. This is the most this is basically Italian dudes being like, you know what we love more than anything to beat the fuck out of each

other. Let's make a sport. It's an excuse to fight. This is what happens in society where you have no middle ground sport between like playing soccer and then there's like nothing that's like a little bit more physical to soccer. If they had like a big rugby league there or an American football league there, then I don't think that Calcio punch in the face, whatever sport that is ever exists.

But because they kind of max out at soccer, you've got a bunch of crazy people that are like, I need a sport for me where I'm allowed to actually get into a fight with somebody. I went into this being like, oh, this might look make rugby look bad. And then I went out of it being like it makes every sport look bad because every sport is just lame compared to this sport. It's violence. It's just fight club with kind of a scoring element. Was everybody else on the same page that the red team was going

to smash the white team? Yes. It's like the red team was stacked with just these massive dudes. The goalie on the white team. Did you see him? Yes. He looked like fat Kenny Powers. Yes. I don't know what he was doing out on the court. He should not have been there. What a sport. It actually reminds me.

Remember those videos like I feel like we haven't had any in a long time. But the dudes in Russia that would like meet in the woods, like 50 dudes on each side and they just beat the fuck out of each other for no reason whatsoever. You just add a ball and a little like I said, a little bit of scoring. And that's the sport. Those are soccer hooligan fights. OK, so I was thinking watching this.

The fans behind these teams are very passionate. And I like how it's set up where you're born into a district and that's your team for life. You can't switch. Right. You have to be red your whole life. You have to be white your whole life, et cetera. When they actually play the games, the supporters that cheer them into the stadium are very, very passionate.

Do you think that there are brawls in the stands during this game? Oh, yeah, UFC fights. They're like UFC fights. I love that. So it just turns into just not only is there a fight down on the field, part of the game is just like beating the shit out of all the other people from other towns that are happening, happen to be sitting next to you. It's like Lincoln Financial Field with an actual fight on the field. Right, right.

We it really does make all of their sports just like hockey guys are going to watch this and be like, whoops, we thought we were the tough sport. That's just a hundred biz nasties going at each other. Yeah, yeah. No skills. Crazy physical sport. Yeah, those guys say the Ryan Whitney Six Sport sick league to everyone else. I'm going to next time there's like something that happens

in the NHL where some guy like takes a dive. I'll be like, you'd never see that from a couch. No, I also was thinking that like, I feel like it's one of those situations where like all of their like the players wise and stuff are like this, like it's a very much a type where it's like if you're into that type of guy. Oh, yeah. Like which is kind of if you're into Italian guys. Guido is where Guido's come from. Yeah. If you're in the genesis of Guido, if you're in the alpha males,

then yeah, yes, you would like those guys. They all had the Macklemore haircut, too, which is very intimidating. You they can have any haircut doesn't matter. They all had steroid nipples. The Coney, the Coney guy. Now, you would know that for sure. I've never done steroids. No, I know. Would you ever play Billy?

I actually might. I don't like the kicking, though. You're already signed up for UFC now. Yeah, I talk myself into the ultimate fighter. You're in on that. I like I would panic. And I was like, ah, no, I'm going to get my ass beat by UFC fighter. Perfect. Imagine being a referee in that sport. Be pretty tough. Yeah. Joe West again. Pussy. What crosses the line? Yeah. Yeah.

All these guys. And then the other one, the Scottish Games, the Highland Games, I love this shit. Just old school, like who can throw a tree log farther than the other guy? Just the dumbest thing. Like, like, and my favorite part about these games are they like the evolution of it, where it's like, OK, so we have 10 different events and you're thinking like, oh, my God,

these guys are going to be like the Decathlon. And it's like, no, it's Little Rock, Big Rock, Little, like, like what else was it? Like a tree, even bigger rock. Yeah. Like a rock. Shot put the rock. A rock that's attached to a string that you have to throw around little chain, big chain and just everything is just throwing heavy shit.

It's just guys being dudes in a backyard. That's really what the sport is. It started out because two guys in kilts were hanging out next to the biggest guys in their little village in Scotland. And they were drinking a lot of ale. And one guy was like, I bet I can throw this rock farther than you. And then he's like, well, I bet you I can throw the bigger rock and just escalated until one of them threw a tree and killed the other one.

They're like, shit, I guess we can't play this sport anymore. The only thing I didn't like about this was the storyline, like the Rudy storyline of the little guy. And the whole time I was like, he's going to wow everyone. And he just he like he was dequeued after like four events. That's a million percent of the bigger you are, the better you are. Yeah. No doubt about it. Yeah. The log toss. Holy shit.

It might be a little bit after your guys time, but there was a Disney Channel movie, Luck of the Irish, where this kid was like a leprechaun and he had to go. I was trying to remember it, but it was like he he was at the Cape Cod ship factory. He turned to a leprechaun, ended up at the Scottish games and had to win to like unturn himself into a leprechaun so he could go win his high school state championship. That is the most Boston story I've ever heard of.

No, it's the Luck of the Irish. It was no, it was a Disney Channel movie. I remember that. You remember it, Billy? Slightly. It's definitely real. That's the last thing in the whole time. I was just basically trying to remember the plot of Luck of the Irish. Yeah, I look forward to when you tell us about it in three weeks, Billy. Googling it. OK, cool.

I just think that's a summary. All right. What do we got next week? We got Luke Bryan. Yeah. That's a great idea. Dungeons and Dragons coming up, Dungeons and Dragons coming up to find out if we can kill Billy after he turned code on us. We are going to torture him. I that will be my first question to Tim Woods and be like, how do we make it so that we don't actually kill him?

But he basically we just drag him around. Oh, he's going to be my little Theon Greyjoy. Stuff that I'm going to put you cut his dick off, make him eat his own penis. That's all coming next week. Yeah, protein, though. Like imagine the gains. Yeah, dude. She's coming back for me. The dragon. Keep telling yourself that, Billy.

All right, we'll see you every Monday. Have a safe weekend. Love you guys. I'm talking away. I don't know what I'm to say. I say that you wait. Today's on my day. The following you. Shining away.

I'm coming for your love, okay? Shining away. I'm coming for your love, okay? So, yeah, you don't want me on the stage. I'm on the stage. I'm on the stage. I'm on the stage. I'm on the stage.

If you tell me that's the same Still a little way. Still, my mind is OK. Say it all to me. It's what made it to say it yourself. Say it out to me It's better to be safe than sorry Things that you say and use in life Just to play that part of the reason why

You all think that cup to remember And I'll come for you in many ways And I'll come for you in many ways And I'll come for you in many ways And I'll come for you in many ways And I'll come for you in many ways And I'll come for you in many ways And I'll come for you in many ways

And I'll come for you in many ways And I'll come for you in many ways And I'll come for you in many ways And I'll come for you in many ways And I'll come for you in many ways Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh