Pardon My Take - Disgraced NBA Ref Tim Donaghy, Phil Rivers Career May Be Done + The Internet Is Poisoning Our Brains
Episode Date: November 20, 2019Phil Rivers put on a CLASSIC Phil Rivers performance and we may be nearing the end. Losing our heroes and the Chiefs look a little off (2:31- 12:17). Hot Seat/Cool Throne including a breakdown of how... the Internet is poisoning all of our brains beyond belief (12:17 - 28:54). Disgraced NBA Ref Tim Donaghy joins the show to talk about his career as a ref, prison,  the gambling scheme that took him down, and reffing the Malice at the Palace (28:54 - 52:37). Segments include Sabermetrics for Carmelo switching to 00, sorry not sorry Antonio Brown, and Guys on Chicks. You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake
Transcript
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Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify,
or YouTube.
Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music.
On today's part of my take, we have the 15th anniversary of the malice at the palace.
And we have the guy who was there, who officiated it, Tim Donaghy.
You might know him from some other stuff.
We talk about all of it.
The entire betting scandal, how pissed David Stern was, how the malice at the palace happened.
We have all that.
We have, let's say we're going to put maybe Phil Rivers' career six feet under.
It's kind of over.
Hot seat, cool throne.
Guys on chicks, it's a Wednesday.
Let's do it.
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is Wednesday, November 20th, and Phillip Rivers is done, D-O-N-E done, D-E-A-D-A-D dead, it's
over.
His tombstone just says, Dagnabbit.
Mother Freaker, I tried, that's all it says.
It was-
And he did try.
Oh, he tried.
So Monday Night Football in Mexico, which was, I love the NFL, I love the Peter Kings
of the World.
We talked about it on Monday, saying that Miles Garrett attacking Mason Rudolph was the grossest
thing he's ever seen, and a harm to players' safety, and then we watched Monday Night Football
where they played on a sandbox, and anyone could have gotten hurt at any moment because
no one could grip, and we're like, hey, this is great, we're growing the game.
It looked like a dog park.
It was so bad.
It looked like one of those dog parks that you take your dog to, and they're running around,
and you're like, we should really leave this park now because one of these dogs is going
to tear an ACL.
It was turf flying everywhere.
But player safety.
Player safety first.
They didn't change the location of this game.
Maybe last year they made Mexico sign a waiver at the last minute, and they're like, well,
no, we got to change the location.
This year, if the field last year was unplayable, I want to know what that looked like because
this one was FedEx Field after it had been carpet bombed.
It was so bad.
A game that was weird, it felt like both teams didn't want to win it, but at the end, old
faithful Phillip Rivers down late with the ball.
By the way, did you see that people tried to jump the gun on it?
People jumped the gun a little bit.
They started saying it with like seven minutes left.
It's like, dude, wait, we have so much more time here.
We have so much more desperate Phillip Rivers moments because they had the ball, I think,
three times in the fourth quarter.
We are definitely Phillip Rivers hipsters where we're seeing all these new Phillip Rivers
fourth quarter come from behind games who are really loving it, and we want to grow
the game.
So we're like, yes, we want you to be part of the Phillip Rivers fourth quarter experience.
But you have to wait.
But you have to wait.
It's like, oh, you're a real Phillip Rivers head named three of his backbreaking interceptions.
Well, he had two of them last night.
Four, total.
Yeah, but two backbreakers.
Two backbreakers.
Then you have to wait until the last real four minutes of the game.
That's when you get in the river sweet spot.
That's when the magic starts to happen.
That's when he starts doing things like after an incompletion.
He just jumps up in the air and just spazes out like a grumat, grammatica.
That's when he just dives face down onto the ground after an interception.
That's when he bats his own pass out of the air, throws a ball off a guy's face.
That's when the magic happens.
This is the same Phillip Rivers that you remember this was like two years ago when we thought
for about two hours that Phillip actually punched a bird out of the sky.
But it looked like it looked like a bird.
It turned out that it was just his glove.
Stomps.
When he starts stomping and doing the clap and stomp because he can't get the ball snapped.
It all was there.
And here's what happened though, PFT.
Last night was different and we've done this many, many times.
It actually was the 61st loss by seven or fewer points as a starting quarterback that
he's had the most by a starting quarterback in the Super Bowl era.
But last night it happened and we all knew it was going to happen.
We even had like the little bit of a curveball where he throws it deep down the field and
completes it.
But last night when all the dust settled, like literally I'm talking about dust because
they were playing on dust not grass and Phil Rivers did the thing where he puts his head
back and he takes in that like deep breath and just angry and closes his eyes.
I said to myself, this is sad.
And I think it might be over because there's something about it that feels different.
It feels like the desperation in Phil Rivers face is so sad at this point because there's
nothing.
He is the classic guy who still has the brain for it, still can read the defenses and everything.
The arm is just not there and it just can't, it will never come back.
And we're watching him kind of slowly fade away right in front of our eyes.
And I love him so much and it's time to say goodbye.
And you know, it's crazy.
But that, I mean, obviously the Broncos should sign him next year and try to play with him.
His career is not done and I'm not prepared to see the end of Philip Rivers in this NFL.
Now, I read a stat.
I forget who tweeted it out.
So it might be completely incorrect, but Philip Rivers actually has a winning record in one
possession games.
I doubt that.
So because last year I think he won.
He went like six and two or seven and one last year in his one possession games.
The only way I can think of to explain that is he's had so many fourth quarter drives where
he has been trailing by one possession where he's throwing a pick six or an interception
that's led to an easy six or six points or three points on the other end, which makes
the final score a two possession game.
Yes.
So he gets in positions where he is losing by six points, but he or seven points or three
points, but he ends up losing by much more than that.
It's just sad.
I'm just, I don't want it to be over, but it's over.
This is the year 2019 will be known as the year that we lost all of the 2004 draft class.
Oh, Eli Manning is done.
You don't think Eli is coming back after his barn burner of the last game of the season?
I think Ben, Ben maybe has a chance next year, maybe, but this might be just hopeful thinking,
but it really is sad to watch them because the quarterback position is unlike any other
position where you become so attached to watching these guys on every Sunday and they
become part of your life that when you have to say goodbye, it's like, damn, it's, it's
over.
Like we're not going to have this guy to laugh at and to laugh with sometimes every single
Sunday.
No, it's, it's done.
You know what it's like.
It's these quarterbacks, this modern group of quarterbacks.
I'm going to include like Peyton Manning and Tom Brady, Romo a little bit into this, but
this was like the first age of quarterbacks that really grew up with our internet as we
know it right now.
So we developed them into little characters in our mind, put them in a box, put them in
a walking boot sometimes.
But we got to, we almost had a relationship with these guys as they were growing up.
And so it's sad to see them evolve out of that.
And we're going to have to replace them with, with a rebound relationship.
Maybe somebody young and exciting and who makes me feel all sorts of things like Gardner
Mint you, but it has to, we have to, we have to find who our new characters are going to
be moving forward.
And it's tough to move on from that.
Now I heard, I heard a rumor, I'm not sure if it's true or not, but I heard a rumor that
Big Ben, as he's becoming a mountain man, as he's entering his Bon Iver stage where
he grows his beard out and moves to an isolated cabin to write his next album, he's, he's
growing that beard out until he throws another NFL pass.
How great would that be to have Ben show up for training camp next year with just a full
bush?
And he's not going to trim it.
Just, no, it's going to be over his mouth.
It's going to be poking through his face mask.
He's not going to, he might actually, this might be the, the one season that Big Ben gets
back in shape because he literally cannot eat through the hair.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Only milk, liquid only diet for Big Ben.
Either way, Phil Rivers, it's the famous saying, don't cry because it's over, smile
because it mother freaking happened.
I do.
That's Phil Rivers career.
I've really loved how he's embraced this the last couple of years too, where they're
down in the fourth quarter and he just, he has his guys run four verts and he's like,
I'm going to throw it up to one.
He runs Madden offense.
I'm going to throw it up to one of you guys.
Everyone just go down the field and just throw it as high as you can.
And last night it worked for a second and then he threw, he threw a fucking interception
to like a five, seven guy.
That was tough.
He's developed selective blindness.
He's developed James, James Winston eyes, but only for safeties, but the other side of
the ball.
Let's talk about that real quick.
He's a little weird, Tyree kill, hurt again.
Their offense is completely different.
When he's out, Andy Reed, like I don't, that end of the game was just weird.
It wasn't weird because Andy Reed, not understanding that like, Hey, maybe just run clock here.
Um, but Patrick Mahomes, like that one pass, he almost got LaShawn McCoy killed and then
he got a tipped again, going to the left.
I don't know what's up.
Like he was just missing some guys that usually he hits that was just a little off.
Maybe it was the altitude.
I don't know.
He did look good running the ball.
He looked really good.
Right.
That's what I was looking at was his knee seemed fun.
Yeah.
When he ran.
Yeah.
The offense looks out of sync without Tyreek.
That's, that's for sure.
Andy Reed.
You can forgive some of his play calling because him at altitude, that's like, oh man, that's
the equivalent of if you or I ran like a sprinted 800 yards and then had to call play right
after.
Yeah.
His brain was not getting enough oxygen towards the end of that game.
The thin air does not comport with Andy's general appearance.
I think they showed those oxygen tanks in the locker room at halftime, those huge ones.
That was just for Andy.
They should both were for Andy.
They should have let Andy Reed coach this game with like a almost a rocketeer type backpack
of oxygen.
The little part that the smokers, you know, go shuffle into Walmart.
Give him the cart.
Give him the Walker with the tennis balls on the front and then have the little oxygen
mask that goes into his nose.
Would have been great.
It would have been awesome theater.
I mean, you want to grow the game, maybe look at an older demographic as well, Roger
Goodell.
Yeah.
Okay.
Let's do some hot seat cool throne.
Andy on talk.
Malus in the palace 15 year anniversary today.
And also the fact that he bet on NBA games and it was a pretty big controversy.
Well, yeah, you'll hear this later, but he did not bet on NBA games, but he got paid
because other people were, which is totally different.
And you can watch the interview barstoolgold.com slash PMT barstoolgold.com slash PMT sign
up today.
Hank Disney plus for Barstool.
Yeah.
Hank.
Is anyone who actually thought Gronk was coming back to the Patriots, including me, even though
I kind of knew cause I assumed the fact that he was like promoting it ahead of time that
the Patriots would not be cool with him like teasing his return.
But regardless, he did a little teaser similar to when he was on this show.
It was like, I have a big announcement tomorrow.
Turned out he's just like doing a party in Miami and is probably invited by the way.
Yeah.
What are we calling that?
Is it Gronka Palooza?
Gronk Beach, I think.
Alta Gronk Music Festival.
It's a beach in Gronk.
Which will be a great time.
Gronk's not.
I'm excited to go to it, but he's not coming back to the Patriots this year.
Which is sad.
Yeah.
I feel like we have at least three or four more press releases from the Gronks that are
like this.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, it's kind of your fault to be honest.
They realize how much buzz they could get with Gronk doing a teaser so that the brands
that are now like working with him have taken advantage of it.
They're going back that well.
I like in the video that he put out where it's three Gronks having a debate on what's
going to happen.
And eventually the party Gronk wins everybody over.
On the table, there were like three monster energy drinks have been crushed up.
And then there was Gronk's brother's shaker bottle that he was also advertising for.
It was a funny ad.
It was funny.
It was a funny video.
So I think he should just say I have a major announcement to make and then it just should
be him in a bathrobe holding a drink on a diving board and saying cannonball like an
anchor man.
Nice.
Nice.
Coming to the same party for the last 20 years.
Yep.
That's right.
Shout out to everyone.
Go.
My cool throne is Jeopardy fans.
Yeah.
So we're getting a triple triple threat all time champions match between holes.
How's her.
I don't know how you pronounce his last name Ken Jennings and Brad rudder.
And when is it happening?
I'm not sure.
I think it's happening in January.
I guess really the more appropriate question is when is there a reveal going to spoil it?
They better do this live.
They better do it live because Revelle will he loves playing the heel with that shit.
So imagine having to write those questions.
There's a lot of pressure.
We don't talk about that in Jeopardy like the game show writers are basically playing
defense at this point.
That's true.
What about Watson?
When's Watson coming back?
It's having to compete against the.
Oh yeah.
Who do you have?
I'm going Jeopardy James.
I am too.
I'm a Jennings guy.
You are.
Yeah.
Interesting.
You soak.
I don't soak.
Is he a soaker?
I don't know.
I think he's from Utah.
Yeah.
Soaks.
Interesting.
But yeah.
It's going to be electric.
I like the idea obviously very sad with the Alex Trebek's sickness but I like the idea
that whoever wins becomes the new host once Trebek steps down.
That's not a bad idea.
I actually wrote about this yesterday.
I like Chris Collinsworth becoming the host of Jeopardy.
But then he's just like here's a guy.
Here's a guy that's.
That's your brain high on football.
Here's a guy.
It's like here's your brain.
Here's your brain on drugs.
Here's your brain.
Here's your brain not being able to do anything without football.
This guy had a dang apple fall on his head and studied gravity.
Ow.
He ends every question without it too.
My other cool throne is now that it's Jamal Crawford.
Now that Mellow got signed all the NBA players are like when is he getting signed?
When is he getting signed?
When is he getting signed?
Yeah.
He dropped a 50 piece.
Yeah.
Jamal Crawford could roll out of bed.
It is crazy that he hasn't been signed.
Yes.
I agree.
The Bulls could use him.
They have a fucking worse offense.
PFT.
Why don't you go?
My hot seat is weed.
That's right.
Weed is on the hot seat big time because Joe Biden he's running to be commander in chief
but he doesn't like weed and he says that it should remain illegal at the federal level
because it's a gateway drug.
Commander in chief.
Yeah.
So he just lost the youth vote.
Commander in not chiefing anything.
Yeah.
So Joe's tripping out because he couldn't handle these the new strains of weed that
are coming out these days.
He probably smoked reefer back in like the late 70s.
That's one of those situations where no one in his camp was like hey man people have changed
their mind on this thing.
Yeah.
Also just don't say it.
Yeah.
But just like this is one of those takes that it just I just assume he hasn't been paying
attention for the last 10 years.
I'm getting to a point where it's not even like would you legalize weed.
It's do you ever smoke weed currently.
Oh.
There's a big question and if you say yes then that's cool and if you say no you're
a cop.
Oh I'm more like it's not do you legalize weed.
It's like when is coke happening.
Yeah.
That's more like it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Keep it going down the line folks.
And then my other cool throne is my other hot my other hot seat is meth.
So all kinds of drugs are on the hot seat because South Dakota has a new slogan and their slogan
is meth.
We're on it.
What.
Okay.
So I saw people on the internet roasting it.
Oh I don't.
I'm not.
I think it's probably good.
No I know.
But people were roasting.
It's a South Dakota initiative against against methamphetamines and the people that are roasting
it are New York media people with Adderall habits.
Right.
And I also looked at it.
I was like why are people roasting this.
This actually seems pretty effective being like hey anyone any any age any background
could be addicted to this.
This seems like a powerful message and I left being like fuck the internet.
I hate all of you.
Yeah.
I'm laughing at.
Yeah.
Stop it.
So yeah.
I actually agree with you.
I think that it's a good ad campaign.
I mean the pictures of like the cowboys being like I'm on meth.
It looked like a like a Photoshop like SNL parody thing.
I like I agree.
I don't know man.
I think our brains are so fucked from the internet that like it's worse than the meth.
It should be if anything it should be I'm on the I'm on snark.
It should be regional where in New York it's Sam Darnold doing that Monday night football
intro where it says out mononucleosis where he's like out methamphetamine addiction.
No get our attention.
It should be what it should be is it should be like a coffee shop with a hipster and a
beanie and a computer and he's like I'm on irony poisoning and like you don't know what
you like anymore.
You fucking loser.
I don't even know if I like that idea.
Yeah.
I like it ironically right.
God damn it.
Dude the other I was I had this as one of my hot sequel thrones but this is a perfect
I'm just gonna throw this in there.
The hashtag advice for boomers.
We're done.
This is over.
The boomer thing is done.
It's too much.
Okay.
It's gotten too much first reported by me.
But yeah you did report it but it is like because you know what it is it's one of those
classic situations where there are no baby boomers on Twitter.
There's like a few people who write like op-eds in New York Times but we're really arguing
with no one.
Oh that is something that's been pissing me off for a long time.
It's the zeers.
It's like we're not arguing with anyone.
There are like seven or eight people that work for like you said the New York Times are
the Washington Post.
Yes.
Like the Detroit Free Press.
Much album.
And I would not know who any of these people are if it wasn't for people our age on the
Internet dunking on them.
Roasting them.
And being obsessed with their columns and tweeting out fucking screenshots of Thomas
Friedman or Brett Michael.
I'm pissed off that I know these guys names.
I don't know anything about them and I don't want to know anything about them and I've
done a pretty good job at avoiding that.
But yeah people's brains are just absolutely fucked.
We're just fighting with ourselves.
I clicked on the hashtag advice for boomers and I was like this is just people fighting
with no one.
We are fighting with no one.
We have created straw men all around us and we're just whacking at it with a machete.
That's what's kind of fun.
That also was fun sometimes.
No I'm not saying it's fun sometimes but it's just it's if you ever take a step back and
like have a kind of a big view of the Internet you're like this is psychotic.
Yeah.
The whole thing.
I've heard jokes.
I've heard like you ever hear somebody say the words in public not online say the words
30 to 50 pharaoh hogs and then laugh at it.
It is.
It makes me just want to kill him.
Yeah.
I'm like no that's no do not bring this into the real world.
This is not something that we'll talk about.
Yeah.
All right.
Go with your cool.
My cool throne is good.
Yeah.
I feel really good right now.
Yeah.
Lying to your kids is on the cool throne.
Speaking of the Internet.
Speaking of the Internet.
So lying to your kids is cool.
Just tweeting out a picture and saying I'm going to tell my kids this is so and so when
it's not so and so it's like me.
If I were to do it I would have a picture of Danny Wooden and say I'm going to tell my
kids this is God.
Yeah.
There you go.
A picture of Marlon's man.
I'm going to tell my kids this is your grandfather.
I mean it's a big joke.
It was therapy for me because I treated a big joke.
Huge joke.
Yeah.
Grandpa Marlon's man.
You have no idea.
I I it was therapy for me though because I tweeted out Mitch and said I'm going to tell
my kids that this was a fourth round pick and it was actually a great value taken where
he was.
Just make yourself believe that.
Yeah.
You don't have to make your kid believe.
Hey what are you talking about.
But there's some truth to it because school when you think about it 16 years of just lying
to kids about various things.
Yeah.
18.
Dinosaurs.
18.
16.
Yeah.
Some of us.
Oh yeah.
Some of us skipped a couple of grades.
Right.
Some of us went to college.
Yeah.
So what was that?
17.
Yeah.
Oh Hank was thinking of doctors.
Yeah.
Dentists actually.
Two years.
Yeah.
Lying to your kids.
That's that's going to be good.
Uh-huh.
My other cool throne is guys.
Just guys because it's International Wednesday today.
Hell yeah.
International.
Finally a day for dudes.
Fuck yes.
I'm going to drink a beer.
You a steak.
Not.
Get a blow job.
Emotions.
Yeah.
Go to Hooters.
Not call my dad.
Just guy stuff.
Fuck yeah.
Do it.
Uh.
Everyone on the Internet who's not.
Well this is even more than the advice to boomers.
Did you guys see that Mason Ramsey.
Yeah.
He is.
It's actually me because I'm actually scared for myself.
But Mason Ramsey turned 13 on Saturday and he declared I'm controlling my Instagram
now.
Things are going to start changing around here.
And one of the first things he changed was he now just replies to everyone on my Instagram
saying let me shave your mustache.
So I'm never going to post again.
So Mason Ramsey has tweet alerts on.
He's pulling me.
He has Instagram alerts on for your posts.
He just hijacks the content.
It's not the content that I post anymore.
It's just Mason Ramsey saying he wants to shave my mustache.
He's instacucking you.
I'm so scared to come out now.
How many likes are his posts getting?
A lot.
It was like a thousand right away.
I love it.
Yeah.
Things are going to change.
You'll never see another Instagram post from me.
You know what.
This is how A-Rod felt when you first started commenting on his shit.
True.
True.
And it only took a year to till I just still haven't got that paycheck.
He's going to start a TikTok account with you at some point.
Yeah.
My cool throne is Jason Witton.
Jason Witton is on my cool throne because the Internet has finally come for Booger
McFarland.
The reports of the Internet coming for Booger McFarland have been grossly overrated.
Well, I think Booger had that nice spot where he came in after Jason Witton.
So it was like no one was paying attention for a little bit.
Now people are starting to listen to what he says.
Devonte Adams and Stefan Diggs are roasting him.
So.
So he said that more games in the NFL are lost than one.
Yeah.
Which is true.
It's a fact.
Yeah.
But he's getting roasted.
The Internet is coming for him.
That's fine.
It is.
But it's a fact.
If you look at what Trent Dofer said four or five years ago when he said you cannot
lose a game in the NFL and win at the same time, if you go by that math and our knowledge
that you can win a game and lose as evidenced by last Thursday night's Browns game, therefore
you can.
It's more likely that you lose a game than it is that you win.
Yeah.
You just have to say ties.
Yeah.
That's why.
Ties.
Here you go.
But you know what I'm saying?
More games are lost than one.
Yeah.
It's okay to say that Booger said something stupid.
No.
I think it is stupid to those of us that aren't on that high plane of football knowledge.
Booger is a good.
Maybe that's what he needs.
Booger.
To get back on the mobile.
Booger is a lesson where like you want to keep that one guy around that everyone can
go after.
That's where we got to hang.
You know, like as soon as you get rid of them, everyone's going to come for you.
Again, I think that Booger is football dessert.
He's not a main course.
He's not going to.
But he's in the main course room.
But I don't care.
I still like dessert.
I'd still eat a dessert at a fancy restaurant if I'm not hungry enough for dinner.
Oh, I'm not going after Booger.
I'm saying it's coming though.
It's coming.
It's here.
It's here.
It's here.
It's arrived.
It's arrived.
It is arrived.
Every media company is writing those blogs.
Correct.
There's no.
And now people will listen more.
Right.
You're not going to go out to eat at Monday Night Football and expect molecular gastronomy
and weird experimental deconstructed dishes.
What you're going to get from Booger is mashed potatoes, a perfectly fine steak, and then
a nice chocolate lava cake for dessert.
And that's comforting to me.
Wait.
That's more than just dessert.
Yeah.
But I'm changing my.
You just gave a full meal.
I'm changing my analogy right now.
I'm not eating any of the food.
So he's now full meal?
So Tony.
Yeah.
He's a full meal.
He's not just a goddamn snack anymore.
I'm saying Tony Romo and more advanced statistical guys that call out plays before they happen.
It's a really nice way of putting it.
Shall we say it?
That's like a fancy French meal that you get.
That's like going someplace where the server brings you out your dish in a jar and he opens
it up for you.
and there's smoke coming out and there's showmanship.
There's all sorts of weird sauces and foams on the plate.
That's like Tony Romo.
Booger is a T-bone steak, cooked medium,
even though you order it medium rare.
You have to really use a lot of analogies.
And a side of mashed potatoes and a cold beer on the side.
There you go.
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That's a great name.
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You know what I like about that ad read?
Great name for coffee.
Is that it implied that listening to Pardon My Take
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You hungover, yeah.
It'll get you drunk first though.
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No, no, don't do that to me.
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Just think about it this way.
Saying Regal kind of screwed me up.
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That's a little tagline I just added.
All right, here he is.
Tim Donaghy.
Okay, we now welcome on former NBA ref, Tim Donaghy.
He's got new movies coming out.
That's coming out Friday, correct?
Yes.
So it is called Inside Game.
It's basically your story or actually told
through your friend's eyes of the entire fixing games,
NBA controversy, how you ended up in prison,
all that.
So thanks for joining us.
Appreciate you coming by.
What's going on right now?
What are you, are you, you know,
are you gonna be able to get back into the refing game?
That's kind of a stupid question,
but I always wondered like,
do you go around watching games
and being like, wish I could be refing this?
No, I mean, absolutely.
I wish I was still refing in the NBA
when you talk about running up and down the court
with the greatest athletes in the world.
Something that's a great job pays well and it's missed.
Yeah, yeah.
And you got the movie coming out Inside Game.
I was watching the trailer for,
are you happy with who plays you?
Did you have any say in the casting?
I didn't, I tried to,
but they told me basically to go pound sand.
You weren't gonna, we're allowed to curse?
Oh yeah, oh yeah.
Yeah, they basically told me to fuck off.
So who ends up playing you in the movie here?
Eric Mabius plays myself.
Scott Wolf plays Tommy Martino
and Will Sassa plays Batista.
So who did you want to play you?
Shit, Bradley Cooper, right?
Bradley Cooper. Good looking guy, yeah.
Philly guy.
Yeah. There it is.
So what's, so given like your whole story
and we can get into the details of it,
but what, I'm always curious,
what's the biggest misconception you think that's out there
about the, you know, fixing games
and your entire career as an NBA ref?
Fixing games.
I mean, people, you know, some people think
that I went out there and put Shaquille O'Neal
to the bench or LeBron James to the bench
so that some of these bets won.
That's really not what happened.
I picked the games based on relationships
that existed between referees and players,
referees and coaches and referees and owners
and what took place in the morning meetings
with the referees and what was going to be called that night
and how a team was going to be put out
in advantage or disadvantage.
So you're saying you didn't, you,
when you would call in a bet and be like,
hey, take this side, you wouldn't then make sure
that you called more fouls against the team
that you bet against?
Like, no, I knew what the crew was going to go out
and do that night and how a team was going to be put
at an advantage.
There was an emphasis that day
on Kobe Bryant going to the basket
and there was a DVD sent in last week
of plays that were missed by the referees.
So I knew when the lead came in and said,
hey, listen, there's a problem here.
Phil Jackson just sent in this DVD, 25 plays,
Kobe getting fouled and nobody blowing the whistle.
I knew the three of us were going to go out that night
and he was going to go to the line 25 times
and they were going to win by 15.
So how often would you get special instructions like that?
During the playoffs, every game,
during the regular season or points of emphasis
that came out probably once or twice a week,
but during the playoffs, you sat in a room
and they showed you tape of the previous games
and they said this was missed.
The referees got poor grades because they missed this,
this and this and it was always for the team
that was down in the series and we knew basically
what they wanted and we went out and concentrated
on those things and the bets just flowed through.
So for that example, you would see that,
okay, Kobe's going to get a lot of calls today.
You'd call your buddy and say,
he's going to be on the foul line.
Let's take the Lakers on this one.
Then you would all go in together on the Lakers
or how would that work?
Definitely, I would just tell him,
I didn't actually tell him why or what was going on.
I would just say in a code
which is portrayed great in the movie,
certain things of talking about Johnny or Chuck,
which were Tommy Martino's brothers
in regard to we're going to take the home or the away team
and we didn't really discuss how or why I was picking a game.
Okay, so you pick a game, you tell them,
when you're running up and down the court
and you're refing an NBA game,
things are moving a million miles an hour.
Are you the whole time thinking about this spread?
No, because we won right out of the gate so many times.
In fact, there were some points where Tommy and I
really didn't care if we lost because we thought
we were, you know, so many red flags would be going up
because, you know, we won so much.
Right, was there ever a game when afterwards
you were in the locker room and you're like,
shit, that was really obvious.
I did some stuff that's going to jump out on the tape.
No, because again, you know,
I wasn't doing anything that the league didn't want done.
But you never, you never like in a close game
when the line was getting down to it at the end,
you never blew your whistle one time
when it was maybe like, you know, borderline.
That would put, for me, if I were in your position,
I would absolutely, even subconsciously,
you know, call more fouls, get it closer
to covering the spread for myself.
And you know what, that's a great word
that you just use subconsciously
because that's what the FBI wrote a book
and in the book, Personal Foul, I talked about all this.
And that was one thing that he wanted in the book
that subconsciously I could have affected, you know,
some of these games that way
because he was writing the Ford for the book
and said, I told the truth at every turn.
So that word that you just used was the word
that Phil Scholar, one of the FBI agents said,
you know, could have happened subconsciously,
which, you know, is possible.
But I can only tell you that I didn't go out there
and send Kobe or Shaq or some of these big stars
to the bench, I just did, you know,
within the rules what the NBA wanted to do.
And I knew who was gonna be put on an advantage
or disadvantage, but I will say this,
there was one game where Alan Iverson threatened Steve Javi
and we felt as a staff, he should have been suspended,
but he was only fined $25,000.
I had the next game and the two referees and myself
in the morning meeting decided that Alan Iverson,
although he carries the ball all the time
and it's never called, we were gonna enforce
that rule against him that night
and we went out in the first half
and we all each took a turn, you know, we had a pack,
we're all gonna call a bombing violation on him
and we did that and I did tell, you know,
Tommy to bet against Denver that night
and Iverson came up to me throwing a free throw
and he said, Tim, how long is this gonna go on for?
I said, what are you talking about?
He goes, you know what I'm talking about.
And I just smirked and he smirked and he knew it was,
you know, he was gonna have a problem
for the next couple of games for what he did.
So knowing all this, like how much,
and I know the NBA always said you're a lone wolf
kind of situation, it's an isolated situation,
but it sounds like the way you're describing it is,
every night the refs are talking about
how they're gonna officiate the game
and every night it could be different
and every night there could be some personal vendettas.
Do you think that that's true?
100% and in fact, I don't know if you guys know the name
Michael Francisi, he was a famous captain
in the Colombo crime family who's now out of jail
and become a preacher, has left organized crime.
He's on the record as saying that three NBA referees
in the 1990s were on his personal payroll
and none of them were named Tim Donoghue.
So I wasn't the only one passing along information.
You know, was he paying them for, you know,
I don't know what their setup was,
but I'm sure he wasn't giving them chocolate bars, you know?
Right, right.
So the other thing, you've commented at times
since the scandal, since you went to prison
that like you'll be like, hey, this series is gonna go seven
or this series, they're gonna try to extend it.
Is that something that you would talk about
with the refs before a playoff game?
Like, hey, the league needs us to go, you know, six here.
We need to get this game to six
or we need to get this game to seven.
Is that something that actually,
because I think what happened more than anything
with this scandal is that everyone got very paranoid
about every game and the NBA had a rigged feel to it.
Do you think it is rigged?
Definitely manipulate it.
When you talk about Dick Bavetta in 2002,
I don't know if you remember the famous
Lakers Sacramento game six, right?
He openly said to a lot of us
that he was the NBA's go-to guy.
He was put on game sixes to make sure they went
to a game seven and that was one of the most fucked up,
you know, games in the history of the NBA.
And when you talk about three referees,
supposedly making so many mistakes
in a conference final game, you know,
where in America can you perform at that level
in your job so poorly and still go to the next level
and ref in the NBA finals and get another bonus of $20,000?
If they were so bad and the league was so upset,
you think that they would have not moved to the next round
but they advanced to the next round and got paid for it.
So he told you personally or he said openly out
to the public and maybe I'm unaware of it
that he is the NBA's guy when it comes to extended series.
He's admitted that?
I don't know if he's admitted it,
but he said it to a lot of us
and we all talked about it and laughed.
In fact, when he was referee in that game,
we knew it was going no game seven.
We joked, we would call each other on the phone and say,
but that is, you know, watch him, look what he's doing.
What's your reputation now around?
Cause that, you know, the fascinating part of NBA refs.
And if you look into it, there's like a cradle of refing
in Delaware County in Pennsylvania, you know,
there's a bunch of refs that came from the same area.
I think you had the same high school as Joey Crawford.
What is your, do you go back there?
Are you persona non grata?
Are you, you know?
I don't go back there.
I don't live there anymore.
I live in Florida.
So, you know, there was a lot of referees from that area.
Eddie Malloy, Crawford, like you said, Ed Middleton,
Oaks, Javi, there was about 10 of us.
So Wonderlick and Callahan, you know, we had a great time
and, you know, unfortunately I made some bad choices
and ruined those relationships.
And, you know, my friends with them now know
because they're still working for the league,
but as each referee retires or moves
into a different facet of life,
I hear from them and speak to them,
but the guys that are still working for the league,
I don't talk to them.
Yeah, how aware of the spread
are NBA refs going into the game?
Very aware.
I mean, we get the USA today, it's dropped at your door
every morning, the first thing you do
is you pick up the newspaper and you look at the line.
I mean, I know I did and I know it was discussed,
you know, amongst the referees.
Before you started kind of point shaving
or putting your finger on the scale a little bit,
were you gambling on NBA games as a ref?
Yes.
Okay.
So games that you would ref for your other games?
Both.
Both, okay.
Yeah, it started as you gambling with a friend.
It just escalated to the point and then, you know,
unfortunately I had so much good information,
you know, I started to relay that to them.
Now, was it partly because of debt?
Cause I know that that was thrown out there,
that you were losing gambling,
so then you basically got linked up with guys higher up.
But that's, I've read it.
I wish I had some excuse to tell you why I did it,
but it just stupid and dumb and I had information.
I hanging out with my buddies and just started to relay it
and just spiral out of control.
There was no, I mean, you would still be doing it
if it wasn't because the other fascinating part
about the story is you guys weren't caught directly.
It was another, it was an FBI doing an investigation
on the mafia in general, right?
That basically.
And that's what the, you know, great aspect
and parts of the movie are inside game.
They really can portray, you know, the FBI agents
and how it was discovered over a Gambino wiretap.
And that in the film really is, you know, showed well.
Yeah.
Was there at any point in time when you were doing this,
did you think like, this isn't that illegal?
Like I'm betting with, you know, with bookies
and people who are not like casinos, like who cares,
you know?
The bottom line is David Stern made a comment.
Never forget, he was on ESPN.
He said, legal gambling will cost you your job
because it was in our contract.
None of us were allowed to bet.
And then he referred to me and said,
illegal gambling will cost you your freedom.
Meaning I was going to go to jail.
And, you know, then he did an investigation
and found out 55 out of 58 NBA referees were gambling,
going to casinos, betting on football, betting on golf,
couldn't fire everybody and immediately started
the back track, that whole thing.
You know, we would go to casinos with baseball hats pulled
down over our foreheads or nobody recognized us.
It was a little bit, it was out of control.
Yeah, you were a referee during the malice at the palace.
Do you look back on that night with any regrets knowing
that if you kept the floor a little bit drier,
Germain O'Neill would have knocked that guy's head off?
Yeah, I mean, that was, I never forget, I was standing there
and that Mexican guy is lucky that he's still alive
because he lost his back foot.
But yeah, it was something that, you know, as a referee,
you don't want to be part of a fight
because it's always lands on your, you know, doorstep
that kind of things got out of control.
So, you know, maybe we could have got in there
a little bit quicker and grab, ground our tests
before we ran up into the stands
and everything just escalated to no return.
Was there a moment when that was all going down
that you were just like blowing your whistle,
hoping that someone would be like,
oh, the whistle blew, gotta stop?
Nobody was listening to anything.
I never forget Larry Brown started screaming at me,
do something.
Yeah, you're blowing your whistle and you're like, hey.
Do something, they're gonna listen to you,
they don't listen to me half the time anyway.
You do something.
Right.
And it just, nobody would stop anything.
What coach or player did you have the, like,
most adversarial relationship with?
Probably Rashid Wallace.
Okay.
Yeah, he threw a ball, do you throw a ball at you
or through it?
He threw a ball at my partner in a game that was a blowout
and I gave him a technical foul
and he got all bent out of shape that I did that
and, you know, waited for me out in the parking garage
and basically wanted to fight me.
And did you, what did you do?
Did you cower?
I squared up like I was ready to go with him
just saying prayers that somebody grabbed him
and right before he got to me, 10 people jumped on him.
If not, I'd probably still be eating through a stroll today.
That's probably good to hear.
What about a coach?
Is there a coach that you just didn't get along with?
George Carl was a guy that was really tough
and, you know, I had a lot of run-ins with him.
So he was a guy, Larry Brown was tough,
but, you know, off the floor, he seemed to be a good guy.
Yeah.
Do you still gamble, I assume, right?
Like, do you gamble in sports?
No.
You don't?
No.
Are you not allowed to or is it?
No, I just don't do it.
I think it was a situation where it just got out of control
and I started to cross too many lines.
Yeah.
And, you know, you really can't win gambling.
When I was gambling,
I had somewhat of an advantage being on the inside.
So, you know, to gamble,
you really have to have a good edge and really look at it.
I do have a website where I consult with people
that like the gambles or form of entertainment
and try to help them and guide them through it.
Okay, so you're in the gambling space a little bit.
How much money do you think estimate you won
during those four years, five years?
How many years you were helping out, you know?
Not as much as you would think.
Probably around $100,000 and I had to write a check
for $30,000 back to the government from the,
you know, the scheme with Martino and Patista.
What was the largest amount of money you ever put on a game?
Probably two or 3,000?
Mm-hmm, okay.
But there's, what's the largest amount of money
someone else put on a game that you were reffing?
Hundreds of thousand and in the movie, again,
that's really, there's a scene with Patista
of how he really manipulates the line
and, you know, we were gonna bet one side at minus six
and he gets it, he bets the other side to move the line
and then comes back again and bets the side that we want
and wins, you know, well over several million dollars.
Yeah, that's crazy.
To the lines, would it get to a point
where a line would move?
Did Vegas ever get whiff of what was going on
before the FBI did?
Yeah, there were things that nailed it.
I understand that some of the lines were moving,
you know, three, four, and five points,
which is unheard of in the gambling world
and that's because Patista, and again,
Will Sassa in the movie does a great job.
This guy, I'd be shocked if he doesn't get some type
of award for his portrayal.
The comedian?
Yeah, from Mad TV.
Yeah, he really, I'm telling you,
every time I watch it, I just look at the guy
and I think it's Patista half the time,
the way he does everything is really incredible.
Yeah, interesting.
I mean, this is like, the story is fascinating.
I would imagine, was there any point
where you started to, while you're in the middle of it,
started to feel bad or started to have, you know,
second thoughts of like, hey, what I'm doing is wrong?
Definitely, there were times when I was doing it
with the guys at the Country Club
where I'm thinking, what the heck am I doing?
Because we were winning so much and I'm thinking,
this, there's gotta be red flags going up somewhere
and we would stop.
And there was one time where he went to the casino
and lost about $25,000 and took out a marker and said,
listen, I need some picks, I need to get this money back.
So, you know, I would give him some picks
and then we would stop again.
And then eventually, Patista,
who was getting these picks behind our back,
associated with organized crime, you know,
had Tommy Martino trick Tommy Martino into, you know,
bringing him down in front of me at the Marriott Hotel
in Philadelphia.
Were there ever any times that you thought
that you were getting caught that turned out
to just be like a false alarm?
No, it wasn't.
In fact, I wish that would have happened
because it probably would have scared me straight
a little bit, but it wasn't until I was at the golf course
and Tommy called me and said,
the FBI had been at his house three times.
Oh, wow.
So that moment, so that happens,
when does the FBI come to your house?
They come to your house like the next morning or what?
They never come to my house.
I get the call from Tommy and I just totally panic.
I lose about 30 pounds in less than a month.
And my attorney keeps telling me, sit tight, sit tight.
And it just, the stress was just unbearable.
And he called up the United States attorney
and had him on speakerphone and I was sitting in his office
and he said, listen, you tell Tim Donagie,
we know what he did, we know who he did it with.
He's gonna lose his job.
If we have to come get him,
not only is he gonna lose his job,
he's gonna go to jail for a long, long time.
So I thought it was in my best interest
and my family's best interest.
The next day I got on a plane and went to New York
and met with the FBI.
Okay, so you knew it was coming for a month
while you were still repping games?
No, it was over at that point, it was the summer.
Oh yeah, that's right, it was the summer, that's right,
that's right.
And now have you ever,
did you ever talk to David Cernan on the phone after that?
I was in my attorney's office again
and we called the legal office and they picked up the phone
and he said, hey, listen,
I think we should come in and meet with you
and Tim wants to explain to you what he did
and how he did it and they said, okay,
we'll get back to you and we never heard from him again.
He probably was pretty mad, huh?
Oh, he's curious. Yeah, he's probably pretty pissed at you.
Yeah, he kinda screwed that one up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'd be mad if I was a commissioner.
I would be mad.
No doubt, I mean, I'd be pissed too,
but I think he could have handled it
on a much different way. How so?
Well, when you talk about, you know,
the way the business was operated
and how they were dictating what the referees were calling,
especially during the playoffs,
I think there's some culpability there
in the fact that you're not fixing these games,
but you're manipulating them for the bottom line
of, you know, going five, six and seven games
and you have to accept some responsibility in that.
Do you think the NBA has gotten better at this?
Do you think they have maybe cleaned it up a little
where it's not this type of manipulation as prevalent?
I believe so.
I mean, if you look at the playoffs last year,
there weren't as many series going, you know,
deep into the, you know, five, six,
there was a lot of sweeps,
which was unheard of in years past.
So you'd like to think that they're starting
to clean this up because it's been so, you know,
out in the news and, you know,
I'm sure they knew the movie was coming out
and different things are going on to where, you know,
I'm going to be on Barstool Sports talking
about stuff like this so they don't want
their hand in the cookie jar.
Yeah, so was it always just an extended series
or could you see, you know, the fingerprints
they want the team from the bigger market
to move on to the next round?
Was there ever any influence to say, okay, we need,
you know, Boston to beat, you know, a smaller market team
like Boston to beat Cleveland or something like that?
Sure. I mean, there was a famous interview
David Stern did.
It was a national televised interview
and the person said to him, you know,
what's your ideal matchup for the NBA finals?
And he was so arrogant.
He said the Lakers versus the Lakers.
And that's not something that the referees don't see
and hear and realize and the big market teams
are something that brought global attention to the league.
So we all knew that.
And when there's a situation in a playoff series,
you know, we gave the advantage to that big market team.
Okay. My last question is the SeatGeek question.
If you want to go to an NBA game
that hopefully is not manipulated,
you can use SeatGeek promo code take
and you get $10 off your ticket purchase.
If you were reffing today,
would you call a travel on James Harden?
No.
That little step back thing?
No, because it all depends.
The thing is that the NBA doesn't want that travel called
and when he does travel and even when it's obvious,
they'll come out and say it has something to do
with the gather, the Euro step, the new,
the way the rule is written.
It's just a bunch of bullshit to protect the fact
that nobody called the travel.
But what's going to happen is he's going to be
in a playoff game and it's going to be a situation
where it's a game seven and he does it
and he makes the winning shot
and the other side is going to be furious
because the subjectivity of how the rule is written
is just comical.
So that I always find that interesting too
because James Harden is a perfect example of a guy
who goes to the rim a lot, gets fouled a lot.
Regular season, he puts up tons of numbers.
They call it differently in the playoffs.
Do you see refs, whether it be focused more
or be more on top of it,
how different the playoffs in the regular season
are officiated?
No, it's definitely different.
You have supposedly a top refs in the league
at the time doing it.
And again, it's just a lot of subjectivity,
a difference of how one referee will ref first another one
and what the league once called
because they're going to put those referees in a room
and they're going to say, concentrate on this
and let this go.
And you saw in the playoffs where they had some problems
where James Harden would be kicking out his feet
or flailing his arms to where he got that call
all year long and then come to playoffs,
he stopped getting it.
And that's what created a lot of controversy.
Yeah, what was your favorite call to make?
Did you have a good end one?
Did you do the like full fist pump when you hit it?
Yeah, you know, offensive foul is always,
you can be a little dramatic and come off the baseline
when you're doing it.
Joey Crawford with a skip down the court.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely, in Phoenix.
Yeah, did it bother you when they would say end one,
even if it wasn't a foul?
Oh yeah, good question, Hank.
Yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean, definitely if, you know,
somebody was started taunting and got the crowd down on you,
you know, you did certain things to stick it to that guy
to, you know, make sure he doesn't do that again.
Would the refs, when you're refing a game
and the crowd is, you know, loud
and maybe it's a playoff atmosphere and they start booing,
does that start affecting how you call the game?
Some of the weaker referees, sure,
but I kind of love that to make a call against the home crowd
and have 20,000 people yell at you,
especially when you knew you were right
and made the hair stand up on the back of your neck.
I kind of liked it.
Okay, all right, interesting.
All right, Tim Donaghy,
the new movie is called Inside Game.
It's gambling, NBA, FBI, Mafia.
All the good stuff that people can't get enough of.
Every time I think that the story's gonna go away,
somebody, you know, like Paulie Martino knocks on my door
and says he's gonna make a movie.
So I think it's a great portrayal of the whole situation.
And like I said, Scott Wolfe and Sass had
to do a great job in playing the character.
How many times do you apologize to the sequel though?
Yeah, Bradley Cooper in the sequel.
How many times do you apologize?
Countless, you know, I can't.
Do you want to do one more?
Absolutely, I mean, you know,
I cross some lines that I shouldn't have done.
And unfortunately I made some poor choices
and, you know, I can't apologize enough.
I did some dumb stuff.
That wasn't an apology.
No, what was that?
You said I can't apologize enough.
That's crossing lines.
You gotta say, I'm sorry.
Let me dumb it down a little bit.
I am sorry.
Okay, there we go.
All right, all right, I'm gonna let you off.
All right, thanks, Tim Donaghy.
Appreciate it, man.
That interview with Tim Donaghy was brought to you
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Okay, let's get some segments, wrap this up.
We got first up Saber Metrics,
and it is for the return of Mellow.
So Carmelo Anthony is back.
He is playing starting, breaking moves.
The breaking moves is that he is starting.
Starting, sorry.
Start, well, I mean, I've known it for a while.
Who said that?
Shams.
Okay.
Starting.
Done.
Done.
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for a real recovery that tastes real good.
All right.
This breaking moves is brought to you by Chocomilk.
Damn.
Damn.
That's my mentor.
Yeah, by Breaking Moves.
It wasn't brought to you by Breaking Moves.
Devonte Adams is going to quote tweet that for sure
and roast you along with Stefan Diggs.
Yeah.
You move more games in the podcast game than you win.
Okay, here we go.
Saber Metrics.
Carmelo Anthony.
He's changed his number to double zero.
I love this.
I think everyone loves it, but he gave out a Saber Metrics on why.
So here's the list.
A number greater than any assignable quantity or countable.
Fact check, insanely true.
Countable number.
Sorry.
There's two.
A number greater than any assignable quantity or countable number, symbol infinity.
So zero is greater than any other number.
Yeah.
Apparently.
Yeah.
True.
Without end.
Okay.
I think he's just, I'm beginning to put the pieces together on this.
I think he chose zero, zero because it kind of looks like the infinity, like the eight
figure eight.
And he saw it on like some porn stars back tap.
So everything from this point forward is just going to be about infinity, not double
zero.
Okay.
Without end.
I don't, that's not, that's not true.
Yeah.
It's like that straw question.
It's zero, zero.
Zero.
It never starts.
Uh, process that never stops.
Again I don't.
Okay.
Yeah.
Cause he's a starter.
Not a stopper.
Mel is definitely reading this to himself as he's doing it.
Can never be given an exact value.
Again, not true.
Zero is a value.
It's zero.
There's nothing.
I think it's like two million a year.
Uh, yeah.
Is that what he's getting?
Uh, no.
It's not guaranteed yet.
So that is not.
Actually, yeah.
Not an exact value.
Not guaranteed.
We don't know.
It's, it's his contract.
What he gets paid is open-ended at this point.
It's zero, zero.
We don't know.
It's going to end in zero, zero.
Yeah.
We don't know what comes before that.
Simplicity and balance, the mysticism of our past and the possibility for an eternal
future given the infinity symbol, a sense of awe and wonder.
How fucking high was he?
He was watching the new Star Wars thing when he came up with this, I think.
Infinite nature of God.
We cannot stay away from God without him trying to bring us back to him.
I just, these aren't reasons.
These are just, this is a paragraph that he's bullpoint.
Well, what happened is he was perusing Sammy Watkins Twitter account and just plagiarized
it.
This is crazy.
Uh, the chance to have a new and great beginning with the past left behind where it belongs.
Beginnings or end, alpha and omega.
So he's God.
So it symbolizes God.
Why, why didn't he just say, I'm doing double zero because the state mellow thing, everyone
was mocking and I wanted to change the narrative and maybe have people talk about something
different than me just being old and begging for a job.
It could be stay mellow, yeah, or it could be breaking moves with zeros in it.
I love double zero.
I do too.
Tribute to the legend Eric Montross.
He, he's not a double zero, but I love it.
Uh huh.
What do you mean he's not a double zero?
He's not a double zero guy.
No, double zero guys don't shoot threes.
I think he could become a double zero towards it.
He could rebrand just be a total bench or a block player.
All you need to get those post touches mellow.
All you truly need to be a double zero is be weird.
That's it.
Okay.
Well, he's got that.
He's got that.
So I think he, he could pull it off.
It also, I'm surprised you didn't include this one.
Double zero also looks like the word boobs upside down.
If you have number 58 standing next to you and number five standing on the other side
of it, we got to make sure number 58, well known number in the NBA for the trailblazers.
That's like, yeah, it's like number 18 at LSU.
They give that to the, the highest person in Portland.
Also he's double oh seven.
Yeah.
That's maybe he's a James Bond kick.
That is probably it.
By the way, just totally sidetracked here is Luca Dantzschitz, the best player of all
time.
Yes.
It's pretty good.
Okay.
Done.
All time.
He's crazy.
42 point triple double, but no one's watching because no one watches the NBA.
Does he have a cool nickname yet?
Luke and rally.
Luca.
Luca.
Luca Brazzi.
Because he kills you.
Yeah.
He murders you.
Godfather.
Luca.
Lukak Shakur.
Ooh.
There you go.
That's probably not that one.
Did you see boomer last night at halftime?
Did a five whopper?
I was doing my workout.
It was.
I was doing my Genesis halftime show.
It was wild.
It was awesome.
He was doing whoops.
I caught up with it afterwards.
He still got it.
He still got the whoops.
The five whopper was, I don't know if he's ever brought that out before.
I think he blacked out for a little bit at the end of it.
We need to go back and see which players over the course of boomer's career have averaged
the most whoops per highlight.
I'm going to play the five whopper real quick.
It was that good.
Oh, one of you nerd sabermetrics guys.
Tell me.
It's going to be like Rodanian Thompson.
It actually technically was a six whopper because he added a whoop in the, it's a five
whopper.
I thought that was the fifth.
Oh, that might have been the fifth.
I think he ended it with that.
Okay.
The five whopper.
Yeah.
That's incredible.
All right.
Next up, we have sorry not sorry Antonio Brown.
He apologized to Mr. Kraft.
Do you think he's coming back?
I mean, did you see that every single Patriot basically liked it?
And he used a semi colon, which means there's a chance that someone wrote it for him, which
means that it was like, Hey, post this apology and maybe you'll come back.
Maybe you'll come back.
Is he, I mean, how do the rosters work?
Can he come back?
I have no idea.
I have no idea.
You guys know that better than me.
No, we don't.
No, not at all.
You could tell me any week and I'd be like, Yeah, sure.
Well, I think it's like week 14.
That's what they're saying with Gronki has to come back by week 14.
But he would have to, isn't he in the middle of like the, when the league then have to
process it.
Also, there's something about the fact that he played this year already.
So it's not like he's been out this whole time waiting to come back.
He played in one game, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I think he could come back.
The Patriots would probably have to guarantee that $9 million again, which I still don't
know how that works.
It was guaranteed, but then it's not Antonio Brown is just stuck in that spot where he,
he thought he was going to be on a team by now.
And now that he's not, he's like, whoops, well, probably should start apologizing.
But do you guys think it's a coincidence that after the Patriots offense performance on
Sunday that this all of a sudden comes very early the next week and all like Brady Edelman,
they're all, they all liked it.
I think that it's very much, I think everything in Antonio Brown's life past a year ago today
has happened out of sheer coincidence.
Yeah.
Literally everything.
Yeah.
He's just been, he's just been rolling the dice.
The cotton.
You are right.
The semi-colon.
I don't suspect it.
I'm an English major.
I don't know what a semi-colon does.
No.
All I know is I think Kurt Vonnegut said that all a semi-colon proves is that you went
to college and that you look down on other people.
Well, and, and Hank's allowed to semi-colon shame others because if Hank released a statement
with a semi-colon, he'd be semi-colon suspect.
Correct.
Big time.
Big time suspect.
Right.
Yeah.
I think you just use it when you don't know what, when you feel like a sin.
And based off of his text messages, I don't think he is a big punctuation or like proper
grammar guy.
What?
You thought he was going to hit the semi-colon and then do like the grape or the egg plant
and then the water and then an emoji of someone's back?
No.
I'm saying he wouldn't put the semi-colon on his own.
Someone wrote that statement for him because they told him post a statement, you might
get back.
Okay.
Did he delete the other tweet that he had where he was saying Robert Kraft got tugged
off in a massage parlor, but A.B. kicked out of the league?
Probably.
That would be a good first step.
Yeah.
You want to delete that one for sure.
Did you just apologize to Kirk Cousins?
Yeah.
Vikings would probably pick him up at that point.
Yeah, that's true.
That's true.
The year of the apology.
Let's do some guys on chicks.
Let's finish up.
Okay.
This is from an old friend.
My ex-boyfriend's wife of 50 years just passed away.
How long should I wait before I send him a Facebook message?
You get right on that, Jilly.
It's from Jilly.
Jilly, you slide in those DMs.
Oh, Jilly's about to get it on.
Yesterday.
It's on.
Oh, yeah.
It's on.
Show up to the funeral.
In a red dress.
I was going to say a black dress, but-
No, you want to stick out.
The one that is slightly questionable.
The little cut black dress.
Jilly, you got this.
It's going to be the summer, Jilly, this winter.
What's up, guys?
Totally serious question.
I'm the only woman in my office, and I noticed my coworkers have an odd fascination with
penises.
Why do men talk about dick so much?
Why is that the main content of jokes?
Is this normal among all men, or should I also make dick jokes?
Okay.
Well, so you should- you can test the waters.
I would say don't just jump right in with the dick jokes.
It might be off-putting, because it's more like our- listen, a penis is a very funny
thing.
It's ridiculous.
It's just something hanging off of us.
So we make jokes about it because it's stupid, and everyone's got one, and it's like a way
for guys to bond, like, you got a dick, I got a dick, ha, ha, ha.
So if you hop in, yes, it can be done, but just be careful.
Yeah, I would say don't make any jokes about it on International Wednesday.
That's our day.
Correct.
Where we want to feel safe and secure in talking about our penises in the workplace.
And you can talk- you can be like- you can say, like, suck my dick about your own, like,
fake penis.
Yeah, when a woman says suck my dick.
That's funny.
That actually commands respect.
Correct.
But don't say, hey, Bill, your dick is really small.
No, just-
That hurts our feelings.
No, yeah, just call everyone a little dick.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, hey.
If you call everyone a little dick, the guy that has a little dick is going to get upset
about it.
He's going to lash out.
A hit dog will holler as they say.
Yeah, you just say everyone's got a monster cock.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
That's the way to get everyone-
That's a good way to ingratiate yourself.
It's like, hey, hey, what's up, Joe, how's it hanging?
Probably pretty long.
Mm-hmm.
That's a good joke.
I'm just trying to walk past you in the hallway, but I couldn't because your huge hog would
have tripped all over it.
Hey, Tim, what do you tie that thing off?
I mean, man, that thing goes all the way down to your knee.
Like those jokes are very funny.
Hey, morning, T-morning, tripod.
Hi, big cat and crew.
So my question is, can you tell your boyfriend he's getting fat without causing serious
self-esteem issues?
My longtime boyfriend has always eaten whatever he wants and not gained weight.
He's not a big gym goer, even though I go about five times a week.
He doesn't bother me, but lately he's been putting on some weight.
I try to low-key get him to start working out more by saying things like, oh, are you
going to the gym today?
Or you haven't been to the gym in a while, huh?
But it hasn't gotten the point across.
Basically, if I straight up told him he was getting fat, would he be hurt or is there
a better way to approach it?
Yeah, at this point, you have to almost sneak it.
So you can't say you're getting a little chubby.
You can't subtly suggest that he go to the gym.
You have to skip straight to lightly poisoning his food or just switching out sour cream
for Greek yogurt and not telling him.
You know how like when you give your dog medicine and you hide it in peanut butter?
Just switch his diet without him knowing.
Yeah.
Or the easiest way to get him to realize it is there's two things that always work for
me.
One, very bad picture of his jowls underneath his neck.
Two, you can start by his jowls, I think that's what it's called.
Yeah.
I mean, that is exactly what happened.
That picture with Gronk, when I saw my chin.
And then two is get him some clothes that are not, that are like really small and be
like, here, I got you this great sweatshirt.
And then when he puts it on, he'll feel uncomfortable.
And then when he doesn't wear it, because there's nothing worse than wearing something
that doesn't fit, you can be like, why don't you wear that sweatshirt I bought you?
And that's like a hint, hint, you're fat.
Yeah.
Or you could just take all his clothes and wash them in cold water.
Is that the one that makes the laundry shrink?
I don't know.
I don't, I think it's, wash all his clothes.
I just wash all my clothes in cold water.
I just don't wash.
Because I'm scared of them running together.
I just, I just get new jumpsuits.
Yeah.
Boys.
Yeah.
My boyfriend cups the bottom of my tits when I have no bra on and says, I'm supporting
you.
That's funny.
How do I tell him to stop?
Yes.
I try to explain to him how bras work, but apparently this isn't enough.
What do you mean how bras work?
That's, that's what it is.
Like a bra just basically, it feels you up all day.
He's supporting you.
And like, touches your nipple and makes it uncomfortable when you don't want to have
your nipple touch.
That's what bras do.
I'm confused.
What do bras do besides the same thing that a hand could do?
But that's a paste.
He could do that.
Hank.
Right back to us next week and tell us why this is wrong because we don't understand
it.
The thing is they, they keep the breasts from eventually sagging.
So it's like a preventative longterm thing might, might help with your back too.
I think that's what it is.
It's a back thing.
Yeah.
So yeah.
What's the big deal?
Hey big cat PFT and Hank, I want your opinion on something.
I have a friend, parentheses know I actually do, I'm not talking about myself.
Yeah.
Okay.
Who puts her fuck buddy.
They're not dating before all of us in her friend group.
He's made an effort to be nice to us lately when he comes to visit her but I still believe
he's a snake in the grass even referring to her as his friend to me.
I've kind of given up on our friendship because all she does is talk about him.
Do you think there's any way to salvage things with her or am I going to have to wait until
he kicks her to the curb?
So I think what you're describing is your friend has a boyfriend.
Yeah.
That's what it sounds like.
Fuck buddy though.
That's our issue is that.
It's a fine line between a fuck buddy and a boyfriend.
Listen and this is going to happen is you get older, people get, you know, they link
up and then it's over.
The friendships are changed forever.
So yeah, unless you want to maybe cock her, I think it's over.
Yeah.
You can sleep with him.
That would make sure that he just stayed a fuck buddy.
Well, if you slept with him too, you might be able to see her more often.
Yeah.
Good point.
You know, you made out in his bedroom.
Do you remember back in like middle school, maybe early high school when a friend that
had been totally having sex?
No, definitely not then.
When you had a friend that became the first girlfriend friend that you had.
That's exactly the emotions that we were describing.
You're just, your friends just haven't had boyfriends in the last like 10, 15 years.
Are you 14?
Is the person 14?
That's what it sounds like.
Yeah.
So okay.
All right.
Last one.
Hey guys.
So my boyfriend for over a year broke up with me on Saturday and blocked me on everything.
It was pretty sudden breakup.
I've been so hurt and I don't know how to pull myself out of this outside of destruction
of property.
How can I, how can I move passes blocking on Twitter?
This girl sounds like a monster.
He boss code you.
She's already thinking about destruction of property.
Yeah.
I mean, maybe he just doesn't want to see your takes anymore.
Hmm.
It's actually, I think that the full block on social media for everything is a healthy
way to move on.
Yeah.
Because if you break up with someone, you're going to go creep it on their stuff and looking
and being like, hope they're not doing well.
So to go clean slate, I'm just going to like remove everything.
I think that's the healthy way to deal with the breakup in 2019.
I would be offended if I was dumped.
I'd be fine if the person in question unfollowed me on Instagram, on any for Snapchat, all
that stuff.
Just don't, don't block me on Twitter.
Yeah.
It's like, what?
My tweets aren't golden anymore.
Like I need this cloud.
I need that.
You can always, you know what the worst part about this is?
He was probably counting on you for a like on all his tweets, you know?
You need to have your friends step in there and give them a little bit of positive feedback.
It's his loss that he's not getting those favorites anymore.
Now, with all that said, you should definitely slash his tires.
Of course.
Yeah.
Have to.
At least slash one tire.
Just one.
That's actually more convenient than four.
I would fuck his brother.
I would fuck one sibling or friend of his until he unblocks you on every aspect of social
media.
Smash his Xbox.
That's it.
See you for Friday.
Love you guys.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.