Pardon My Take - Dog The Bounty Hunter, Zion's Debut, Eli Retiring, And Listener Roasts

Episode Date: January 24, 2020

Zion made his debut and if you fell asleep at halftime he's a bonafide BUST (2:27 - 9:54). Eli Manning retired and his next stop is Canton and being the best stay at home dad of all time (9:54 - 15:11). PFT's XFL career comes to a close and Big Cat reads 10 things he loves about PFT to cheer him up (15:11 - 25:15). Dog the Bounty Hunter comes back on the show to talk about Bounty Hunting, ride alongs, pepper guns, and how we're about to get his second season renewed by the power of the AWL's (25:15 - 57:23). Fyre Fest of the week, pinstripe update for Derek Jeter, Stock tips from Mike Francesa and Listener Roasts read by our dear friend Uncle Chaps. You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, add free on Amazon Music. Today's part of my take, we have recurring guest, Dog the Bounty Hunter back in studio. He actually loved us so much. He was in New York and he was like,

I gotta go see my guys. So we're bounty hunters now, PFT. Oh yeah. We are bounty hunters. And we're bounty hunting the second season of his show right now. So we're gonna get that going. We have some Zion talk.

We have some Eli Manning talk, PFT XFL update, some Fire Fest, and our good friend, Uncle Chaps on for roast. We have a packed, packed Friday show to get you ready for Super Bowl week. And we are brought to you, as always, by the Cash App. Pardon my take, as always brought to you by the Cash App. We're in the Cash App studios as we speak.

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Use code BARSTULE. You get $10 for free, $10 for the ASPCA. Today is Friday, January 24th, almost birthday week. Almost birthday week, and Zion is a bust. Wait. Parentheses. I went to sleep at halftime. I could tell that you did.

Of course I did. Because I know that you would have been in that content game for the second half. Dude, he was fat as fuck. He walked on the court, and Jeff Van Gundy and Mark Jackson, especially, started treating him like he was Lizzo. They were playing the Jillian Michaels to his Lizzo, and it was getting ugly.

And it was like, he's not that fat. Yeah, I know he's a third heaviest player in the NBA, but you know what? He's muscly. I truly believe, some people, when they say, I've got big bones, I'm like, yeah, OK, go try to float in water. We'll see how dense you are.

Zion Williamson, he has big bones. Yeah, he has big bones. I've said it before, he is not fat, but he is always a bad weekend away from being fat. A bachelor party, a going on a trip. Maybe a trip to New Orleans. Yeah, a trip to New Orleans, a little too much drinking, a little late night pizza.

Then you come into work on Monday, and everyone looks at you like you got stung by a bunch of bees, and they're like, whoa. And I'm like, what? What's the deal? Oh, you had fun last weekend, and you know what they're saying. You're fat. So he's not fat, but he's a weekend away from being fat.

And I think this three months off was that weekend, where he might have, he was just looking larger. I also think it's weird. He has like a weird gait that makes him look bigger. You know what I mean? The way he rocks big. Yeah, right. It is like lumbering steps.

But with that said, he was electric. He had that 17 points in three minutes, which is exactly what you're buying if you're a Pelicans man. He also had those four threes were hilarious. They're pure. They were the quintessential, like, I get those same threes. I miss them.

But those are the, let me see you make one three and pick up basketball, except they did it four times in a row. There was no one even close to it. Lightning can't strike five times. It's great. I love those threes. They're like, go ahead, try. Go ahead, take that.

I'll give you that. I'll give you that. I mean, we have to ask, like, this is Coach K's fault for not using his three point game in college, right? It was Duke's year until he didn't hit. He had two threes in college. Is that right? No, he hit more than that.

No, I think three. Yeah, I thought he shot more threes. No, no, he was not a chucker. And now he's wet. He's hitting, what, 100% of his three point shots right now. I don't know if it's exactly 100, but he hit four in a row. Huge indictment on Coach K as an X's and O's guy. That's another feather in the cap of old Roy Williams.

He would never screw up. Who's going to die because his team's so bad? I mean, we could get into the stats if you want to. I did look up some stats about Roy Williams and how dominant he's been over Duke and Coach K since he's been at UNC. Would you like to discuss? No, I don't. Because you know that I'm coming prepared.

No, I just don't. I don't care enough. I've got the smoke. I don't even see Coach K. I'm not relevant to this conversation we're talking about the New Orleans Pelicans and not North Carolina who's in dead last place in ACC right now. Thanks for stepping in to defend Duke K.

I don't even like Coach K, so I don't care. Just trying to keep this ship on board. Thanks, thank you. I always appreciate that. Zion definitely made more than two threes in college. If my computer worked, I would tell you. I also went to sleep in this at halftime, but I'm pretty sure I woke up and saw a stat that was like,

Zion Williamson hit four threes last night. That's one more than he hit all last year. Oh, OK, so maybe it is. And also more than Ben Simmons. More than Ben Simmons. That's another good take that people have. Yeah, he looked he looks so good. That could be wrong.

That that like four minutes span could be wrong. When he was in the game, it was like, this is exactly what I want out of Zion right now. Right now, Zion is must watch television. He's not like a top three player in the NBA yet, but he's so electric that when he's on TV, I want to tune in and watch him end disease on the side of his head.

Oh, yeah. Swaggy as fuck. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. He had 24 made threes in college. I mean, I don't know what Zion. Yeah, what are you guys talking about? He shot threes all the time. I don't know. I don't know about all that. I don't know about all that.

It's 71 attempts. Hank and I both. We heard maybe what's going on here. Maybe it was three. I remember watching Duke all the time being like, that's a weird shot. Maybe it was threes in the game. You would shoot line drives at the yeah,

two threes a game. He'd shoot line drives at the rim and they would go in every now and then. And that's why I said two threes in a game was as most of it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. He definitely shot. I knew that it could probably have been wrong.

Yeah, right. You did admit that off the top, but either way, Zion is going to be electric. It's fun. Like there's nothing like having a guy like Zion come into the league and be like, oh, this is going to be awesome. And I mean, John Morant is John Morant is the right year. And he's also incredible. Is John Morant sweating?

Is he looking over his shoulder at Zion? John Morant is so fucking awesome. And you were saying that you know, Hank, you were saying that John Morant and Zion were on the same AAU team and there's a third guy. Yeah, he was on he was on like the JJ Reddick podcast and they asked him, they're like, oh, you guys were on the same AAU team.

Like who was the number one guy? And they were like, actually, it was neither of us. And the kid now is just the kid now is just like a player at South Carolina. Like he's just a regular, you know, a regular D1 athlete. That sucks. Yeah. The moral of last night is don't fall asleep ever. Yeah. Never go to sleep. Never go to bed.

You might see Zion do something in the middle of January. It was so fun. And a game against Spurs. Mark Jackson was hilarious, too, though, like the breaking news. He needs to lose weight. Well, they also said that he put on eight pounds of muscle in a week, which is just impossible. Impossible. No, it was in a day.

In a day. Eight pounds of muscle in a week. Until LeBron loses in a game. No, no, he gains. Yeah. He gains muscle while he's playing a game. Yeah, they were saying that he put that on in, I guess, in a day, which you can't. Barry Bonds did it. I'll give it up to him.

But yeah, you can't put on that much weight. He he had 285 pounds. He's the third heaviest guy in the NBA. Yeah. And the jokes were were happening. But if he's good and I think he will be good, it doesn't really matter. What's funny is that Booger McFarland weighs less than Zion Williamson does. And they look identical.

Yeah. So he lost what he was at 285 right now when he came to the league. I don't think he was that heavy. But we're going to start to get some takes coming out pretty soon where every time you mention Zion's weight, it's going to do the thing that we do with Kevin Durant's height where he keeps getting bigger. So people will start saying, oh, he's 290 pounds. Oh, he's 295. Oh, we we're going to creep up

and design Williamson is 300 pounds. He also is Zion is like the perfect guy for if you're not in the Zion camp. If you're the Zion is actually a bust. I obviously was joking at the top of the show, because I believe in Zion. But if you are in that camp, you basically can hold steady for his entire career, similar to the Marge action. Like, but with that weight, he could get hurt. Like, he can't maintain a full career.

They're teaching him how to walk different though. They've got him watching Monty Python nonstop to figure out interesting ways to not put put body weight on his knees and ankles. He he walks with with like a natural limp. They should just give him a cane. How cool would that be? That would be cool. Give him like a cane with a with a dagger that comes out of the top of it.

All right. Other news, Eli Manning retired is retiring. His press conferences today. It's sad to see him go. I think we all kind of expected this. Yeah, he is a Hall of Famer. He is. He is. I actually think for Eli Manning, we always say there's no Hall of Very Good. People forget that. There's no Hall of Very Good.

They should make a Hall of Very Good just for him. Just for well, not for him, but off the top of my head, it's like Eli Romo, Carson Palmer, Aaron Rodgers, Jay Cutler. These are all people that are not great quarterbacks, but we're very good for a long time. My question to you, PFT, and he is a Hall of Famer, but there's people who will nitpick and be like he was never. And I agree with this, this like statement.

He was never the one of the top three quarterbacks in NFL for a single season, right? For a period of time, he was never that he was always consistent. He started his start streak was crazy, never got injured, all that stuff. Well, no, no, no, he definitely got injured many, many times. Yeah, that's true. But that's actually a knock against Eli is how many games in a row he started in a way, because he should have sat out at least two half seasons

along the way when his shoulder looked like it got run over by a lawnmower. And he had like all sorts of rotator cuff issues like, no, I'm going to keep playing because these are my guys. I'm tough. I'm going to gut it out. And he actually went out there and didn't play well. But that's that that's what you're going to get with Eli. Now, my question to you is, does Eli have a different is his legacy seen differently? And is he a surefire Hall of Famer?

If he beats teams, not named the Patriots in the Super Bowl? No, because that is really when you like boiled down what Eli is consistent, you know, tough throughout the years. He was good, not great. And then he had two moments where he beat the best coach in the best quarterback in the NFL history and also why you guys have to bring the Patriots in every conversation, because that's part of Eli's legacy. He's a great quarterback.

Why don't you talk about something else other than the Patriots? That's a legacy. And you have a conversation about I love I love I love Hank taking the horns in this show and just redirect. Have some respect for him as a quarterback on his teams. Hey, no, I'm not a coach here. I'm just like, you know, this is a good thing. This is actually a good thing for the Patriots, saying that Eli Manning

is elevated from being a very good quarterback to a Hall of Fame quarterback because the teams that he beat were so great. Right. They were all time team. If he beat the Steelers and the Broncos in the Super Bowl, I just don't think it's not the same. Yeah. Or if you beat the Ravens, I actually think it would be the same. No, I don't. I think beating the undefeated Patriots is more than Peyton, more than Aaron Rodgers.

That's that's a lot. But it's not more than Peyton. Peyton, one. Oh, yeah. Broncos didn't really care, but that's an asterisk per Hank. But beating the best quarterback and the best coach in NFL history in the dynasty that's lasted two decades matters. Two dynasties. But yeah, two dynasties. That's right. It was a double dynasty.

Also, he actually was the divider of the two guys. Yeah, correct. He beat Aaron Hernandez. He defeated Aaron Hernandez and Danny Woodhead. Right. The best football player of all time. Your hair. Yeah, I would have. I would have cut my hair. I would be short for Eli. I would look like a little drill instructor right now.

All right. So that's Eli. Sad to see him go just because he's always funny. No mannings in the NFL for at least the next, I don't know, 10 years. Arches, I think a freshman. So he's 14. So he'll be in the NFL like seven years. Seven. Yeah, probably 70 years. What do you think Eli is going to do? Some people said maybe he'll go into the booth.

I don't I don't know. I actually think in a weird way, Eli is going to be like the world's greatest, like suburban debt. Yeah. Can't you see it? Can't you see him being like a great assistant coach for his kid's soccer team? He's going to he's going to chaperone a lot of field trips. Yeah, probably get lost, like left behind in certain rooms of the museum that he finds very interesting as a whole class moves on.

He's not like Peyton. He doesn't need to spotlight. He doesn't need to do these weird ESPN plus, you know, shows. I think he actually will kind of fade into Bolivian in a good way. He spends all the time with his train sets. Yeah, he gets really to dinosaurs and fossils how he went out. I could see Eli sitting in his basement, getting into model trains for sure. Absolutely. I could also see Eli. Here's a sneaky one.

He might be the one that gets into coaching. Oh, he might become like a quarterback. I I wonder. I'd have to look into it. But I feel like there's a certain amount of money you make where coaching is just never even a possibility anymore because you'd have to work really hard and you already have like Eli. You like made more money than Peyton, which is crazy. Not endorsements, though. No, no. But in in contracts,

I think he was the highest paid quarterback of all time. Well, they're one and two. Yeah. So I think it was Eli number one. So I think once you get to a certain level of money, you're like, why would I sit in and, you know, avoid my family and work 16 hour days? That makes no sense. I can see Eli spending a lot of time in the kitchen trying out weird new recipes he saw on Food Network that day,

getting into barefoot contested and his wife comes home and she's like, Eli, you've absolutely fucked up the house again. There's smoke in every single room. We I need you out and he's like, OK, I'll go be quarterback coach at Duke. No, I feel like Eli is going to be a great stay at home dad. And like every day all the kids come over and he's any spends the entire afternoon like throwing them in the pool. This is every single day for four hours.

Eli is just throwing kids in a pool and it's beautiful. All right. Other news before we get to our interview with Doug, the bounty hunter PFT. Yes. Would you like to tell the world? Yes. So we released the video earlier today. The conclusion of my XFL tryout happened last night. I got a call from Coach Pep Hamilton, head coach of the D.C. Defenders, delivered the news.

Unfortunately, I did not make the team. Now I can spin zone this. Wait, I have a spin zone. OK, go ahead. Do you want it? Go ahead. I have. Do you remember the movie Ten Things I Hate About You? Yes, I have Ten Things I Love About PFT. OK, so I wrote some stuff down. All right, hit me. I have a spin zone for you.

I'm sure they're all going to be really, really nice things. Well, they are. They're all really nice. Ten Things I Love About PFT to help him get over the fact he didn't make the XFL. I do have low T right now. OK. Number one, you walk a lot taller than five, seven. That's I've always told you that. That's true. You walk a lot taller than five, seven. You're a big walker and five, nine.

And you tower over today's guest, Dog the Bounty Hunter. That's true. That was really nice. Number two, ever since you stopped dyeing your facial hair, I don't think it's been that gross. Thank you. OK. Number three, you're exceptionally talented and you said that you've dunked once so many times that I actually kind of believe it. It happened. There you go. Your body gets in there.

There you go. You've said it so many times that I actually do. Got to tell the big lie. Like I am like, oh, yeah, PFT's dunked. Once that's how I'll know that it's real. When you tell somebody else when I'm not around, you see that guy over there? Yeah. Number four, I'm not mad at you anymore for the dipspit you left in the studio. All right. Number five, you said sorry to Hank.

And that was a really big moment. It was. Number six, you basically brought an entire football position out of extinction, the fullback. That's basically just all you. Well, that's us. No, but that's a large part you spearheaded that. And that's exceptional. Number seven, the pick of you in your pads when you were trying out was sweet.

We'll get that frame. That's a frame, frame worthy photo. That's a sweet ass picture. Number eight, you make a million of people, a million people laugh and myself and Hank and Bubba. You make us laugh every single day and your dog is a legit newshound. Thank you. That's three times a week.

Three times a week. Three times a week. You make me laugh every day. You make me laugh every day. You make me laugh every day. Also on the radio. You make me laugh every day. Number nine, I actually didn't write down a number nine for the confirmation Leroy, too. Yeah. Number nine, I didn't write down a number nine. So that's my bad. That's fine.

Number nine is blank to 10. I don't know why I forgot that. Number 10, as much as I don't care and I am ready. I don't care about this, but I am ready to say to you, I do actually think it's the capture. All right, I'll take that. Ten things I love about PFT. So in summation, if the XFL can't handle

you at pissing your pants and making dick jokes every day, they don't deserve you at number one podcast and cultural icon. Thank you, man. That means a lot to me. I think nine was you haven't made a lot of Hitler jokes recently and I've noticed. And you've made more than me. There you go. So that's number nine.

That's great. That's awesome. I feel like Heath Ledger. Ten things I love about PFT. There it is. Heath Ledger. Yeah. I mean, what a role model. I love it. Thank you, big cat. That did make me feel a little bit better. Still a little down the dumps.

Anytime you get bad news like that, you're going to feel bad a little bit. You're going to be crushed if you have expectations and you tried hard and you worked hard at something. But I learned something from that, which is it kind of feels good to get crushed over something that you care about. There's a little bit of it where it's like

it's better to try something and then have something that you care about taken away than to have never cared about it to begin with. Because I could have done the thing when we got down onto the field at the tryout. The very first thing I said when we got on the grass is it's not too like to fake an injury. I should probably just quit right now

and I won't have to do it. But I did it and I went four for six, hit both my long kicks. I think I did okay at the tryout and you know what, I put some film out there. I have been in touch with the XFL. It sounds like they're offering me a practice squad position. Fuck them.

So I don't know. I don't know what's going on. Don't settle for it. I don't know what's going to happen to that. Either they put you on an active roster or you say, fuck them. They've also offered me to be honorary captain for the DC Defender's opening game.

So I might do that because it would come along with perhaps being Pep Hamilton's hold back guy on the sideline. Fuck him. So we'll see. Fuck him. We'll see. You know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to stay ready though because I put so much good film out there that I have a feeling I'll be getting calls, if not from other XFL teams, might not even clear waivers as a matter of fact. I'm going to say fuck him. I might get some NFL calls. No.

I'm just putting that out there. What if I get invited to a training camp this summer for an NFL team? It'll be great. I'll go with you. It'll be great. If I can't tour, we do have to go on a tour. I'm going to get my leg back up to 50 yards.

I'm going to keep working out. I'm going to keep practicing. HCH. Keep at it. Not doing steroids. No, you should. Oh, wait. The busting with the boys guys were here yesterday.

Yeah. Yeah. Did they leave anything behind? Uh, probably. I'll check the bathroom. Yeah. Yeah. So I think Taylor had a dip spit,

so it's like you just drink that. Okay. I'm going to try to get my leg up to 50 yards. I feel good. I beat out Chad Otrosenko. Otrosenko got his ass kicked. Yeah. Fuck him.

He didn't try. He was a coward. Well, because he saw me. Right. And he's like, fuck, I can't beat that guy. Either way, you're an MVP in our eyes. So you made our team. Thank you.

Appreciate that. And we needed a kicker. We should start. Hall of Fame with my book. Hall of Fame with my book. That's my verbal meme. That's my kicker. T.O. crying.

Meme from the video. PFT was so nervous that he walked by a cartel and goes, that's my quarterback. Tony Roma voice. That's my quarterback. Cartel's not here to play school. Nope. All right.

Before we get to the top. Wait, do I have any college eligibility left? Sure. If I never played varsity. Can I have some mine? Yeah, sure. You can have some mine, too. I can steal your identities.

Play for like 12 more years. All right. If there's a D1 college out there that wants to offer me a spot, I'll do some online classes and I'll play. Absolutely. Yeah, you can be a grad transfer. Yeah, exactly. You know what?

Really grad. Alabama could do a lot worse. Dude, I'm a better kicker than Alabama. Absolutely. Absolutely. Sabin would have another chip if he had you as a kicker. That's a fact. Because when you kicked the run back,

it wouldn't have reached the end zone. So it would have fallen to the ground. Right. And it would have been fine. It would have been downed. Right, right. At 15. He would have been fine.

History would look totally different. Yep. Man, man, come on. Also, if he had me running as a lead blocker, all the time I've spent observing fullbacks, I could have taken at least one 300-pound guy out. Without a doubt. Without a doubt.

OK, before we get to talk the bounty hunter, quick word. We got the Pro Bowl on Sunday, and we've got two weeks left of football, and BetMGM is still the home for sports betting for PMT. In addition to special new user offers, just for AWLs every week, BetMGM prices and boosts special bets for us every week. You can download the app, deposit,

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I got the AFC. So NFC is one point favorites. Yeah, one and a half point favorites. I don't like laying that point. The overrunters 51. Take the over. I feel like it's been under every single Pro Bowl over the last like 10 Pro Bowl.

This is the over. Okay, I'll do it. I'll take the over. So remember, BetMGM is the home for PMT this football season. If you're a new user, sign up with bonus code PMT and get $150 after you make your first deposit of $10 or more. They need to move the Pro Bowl back to Hawaii. I agree.

It is not nearly as special. I need to see them with lays and all that stuff. Although the one thing I do like about Orlando whenever they go down there, aside from the rain that happens every single year, is I just know that it's so close to medieval times, which is my favorite non-David Buster's evening of entertainment and dinner.

Yes. I fucking love the medieval times in Kissimmee, Florida. Yes. It is so great. The green night for life. He always punishes. Oh, the green nights. Oh, fucking me.

How far away from Miami is Orlando? Like three hours. We should go to medieval times. Okay. While we're down there for the Super Bowl. Probably not, but okay. I might go. To Orlando.

I might take a day trip to go to medieval times. That's how much I love it. You're going to go to Orlando. It is. It's the equivalent of modern opera. Okay. Yeah. All right.

We'll put it on the list. Okay. Sounds like a no. Well, we usually have a very busy schedule, Super Bowl week, but we could take a whole day out and go to Orlando for fake nights. Which one of the guests that we might be interviewing

do you think we could kidnap and take to Orlando? Gardner Mitchell. 100%. Let's see if Gardner wants to go to Orlando. Yeah, he'll compete. Fuck yeah. All right. Before we get the dogs bounty hunter,

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Philips.com slash Norelco bar stool to save $5 off the Philips Norelco One Blade face or One Blade face and body shaver by using code P-M-T. OK. Here he is. Dog the bounty hunter. OK. We now welcome back on recurring guest, Dog the bounty hunter.

What's up, my brothers? Welcome. What's up, my brother? Aloha. How's it going? Yeah. Good Aloha. It's like five degrees here in New York.

Yeah. It is cold as hell. The gloves. Yes. We have to start with the gloves. You walked in with the gloves. They look like badass gloves. What's going on with the gloves?

Well, they have cushions so that it helps. On your knuckles? Yes. So you can beat the fuck out of some ice head. The first thing he did to me when he came up to me gave me a high five and then punched me in my stomach. Yeah. I'm telling you what, the glove padding did not do that much.

All right. So, Dog, you're back on. Yes, sir. Brother, brother. It feels good to have you back on. It feels like you're maybe also in a little bit better spirits. We're going to get your show the second season. We got to get it back going.

Thank you. So it has not been officially approved yet, right? Correct. All right. So we got, who do we have to muscle? W, who is, is on WGN? WGN. I wouldn't muscle some people.

Tag WGN and say, I want my dog. Like we need our dog, the bounty hunter. Thank you. Now, just because the show's not on, you're still bounty hunting, right? Oh, yes. We have to eat. Yeah. So what do you got going on right now?

Like, any big ones? The same guy, the one guy we've kind of located in an area of California, maybe, and maybe not back and forth to Mexico. So the same lawhead. Okay. Okay. Gotcha. So he's going maybe back and forth like Tijuana, San Diego, that area.

Correct. Okay. I have noticed, I'm glad Big Cap brought up the gloves because I've noticed that on your show, a lot of people wear gloves. It's like an everyday, all day thing. Right. Where you, you, it's either like the fingerless gloves or usually leather some strap. What is the, what's the purpose of all?

Well, it's protection, you know, number one. It's like wearing shoes instead of barefooted. So it's protection and we don't want to leave fingerprints. That's smart. That's smart. Yeah, it's more protection. I just had a, now follow me along here. This might be crazy, but I feel like I just had a genius idea.

You were mentioning before we started that in Colorado, when you're in the airport, people came up to you and like, Hey, dog, love John. Pardon my take. And all these people were listening. What if we had you on like every month when you had a big bounty hunt and we just gave misinformation? I think that would be a good idea. Well, what happened?

I left here, New York, went to Colorado, was standing in the luggage area, getting luggage. And the people that came up to me, it's more than Saturday night live or more than a good morning America. They're like, dog, we saw you. That's our favorite show. Hell yeah. You saw me. I said, I thought it was, we weren't recording.

Yeah. So, so that's what we need to do. Like this guy who's in California, like when you need to come on and be like, I got this guy, he's located somewhere in Florida. We got him for sure. Really, you have him. He's in like New Mexico. You got his pinpointed location.

Right. We give him, send him off the scent so he feels safe. Comes out, maybe goes and gets like a sandwich for lunch. Boom. Dogs swoops in, bear mace to the face, ziplock. You're going to jail, brah. Well, California could use tasers and now pepper ball guns. And you know, I bought one the other day and the police officer said, I'd rather be

shot with a real bullet than one of these. Did a pepper ball gun. So I said, look, I need two of them. What is, what is a pepper ball gun? It is a, what it sounds like it's a gun, but it shoots out pepper balls that hit you as hard as a Mike Tyson punch. So the bruise looks like you've been shot with a 38 with a vest on. It leaves it like that.

It does not kill. It does not penetrate the skin, but it absolutely puts you on your knees. Okay. So that, you know, as you, we know America's getting more violent, more guns, more of this and that. So, uh, the last few shows we did, the, the choice vehicle was an ambulance. I mean, they all left like that alive, but, but not really. But hanged by it's right.

But had to be put back together a little bit. Right. I can't, have you watched the Mandalorian yet? No. Okay. See, that's another tie-in that we could have. It's about a bounty hunter. It's about an intergalactic bounty hunter.

I haven't watched it either, but I'm told that's, that's what it's about. It's got baby Yoda. Oh yeah. There's an opportunity for Cross over there. Oh yeah. Like if you just had a baby Yoda ride along, what do you watch? I watch the show called dogs most wanted season two coming soon. Yeah.

I, uh, a lot of different shows to be surprised at what I do watch. Are you a sports fan? Yes. Football mostly. Yeah. Nice. Baseball somewhat basketball, a little bit, but football. Okay.

So I read the New York times article on you. And it was great. I liked it. I have to go to one part of it though. And ask you about it. Dog squirted fake cheese onto a trisket and ate it. Then lit another menthol marble and eye to pick up truck creeping into the parking lot. It's not all love.

He said, I'm tested once a week. Guys looking to see how tough the dog is. That's what the taser is for. All right. So we got to break this down. First fake cheese on a trisket. Is that the snack of choice for dog? It is for when you're fishing for trout because you could use the cheese as bait.

You know those little cans that you shake and squirt? I didn't know it was fake until I read the story. You can sit down with the easy cheese, the sharp cheddar and like a sleeve of rich crackers and just mow through the entire thing and sitting. Oh yeah. It's like the kids love it too. Dad, can I have one? You know, and you double it up.

But the trout also liked the cheese on the worm because I used it for bait. He didn't tell, he didn't say give away my secret bait. Yeah. It's probably good for you then that not every, not all the other fishermen know what you're doing. The menthol marble. I also saw this article. You're down to two packs a day.

One pack now and I'm using the little tips that fit on them, the little plastic tip that goes on the end. Okay. So we're making progress there. Yes. I could feel it. You know, some days I get stressed, smoke a little bit extra, but I can feel the difference in breathing and more wind and sleeping and everything.

It affects everything. Good. Good. And then the last thing, the taser that you walk around with, people want to test how tough the dog is. How often does that happen? Probably once a month is, you know, the guy came up was kind of mouthy to us. And so I had to be put an end to that real quick.

The guy that came up, we were fishing and he's like, you know, you're a lot taller on TV. I don't know if you did it. I said, well, get out. Let's see. You might like it. Do you want to tangle with you? No, he's, no, but you know,

fishermen, they get the mountain guys, mountain people get a little crazy. Crazy. Yeah. The wildlings. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The wild, wild west.

Yeah. What do you do to relax besides fishing? Seems like you've, your profession by nature is pretty stressful, right? Well, if you can't find the guy, it's the most, it's the greatest thing. Hemingway said, said that the greatest thing in the world is to hunt another human being and catch him. So that's the greatest feeling you could ever have. The stress is when you can't find him and you're waiting for a lead or something like that.

Yeah. So you told us last time you were on that everyone that you've ever hunted, you've caught. And now this, this guy right now has been elusive for a while, right? Yes. Yes. She's really good. Do you think he's going to break the streak? She never, never, because there's too many.

No, there's too many leads that he's, he's a convicted ice head methamphetamine. So we can call him a drug user dealer scum. And with that drug, he's got to be on the run. He's got to be on the go. Now, if he changed his habits, you know, like became a maybe changed his sexual content and, you know, quit doing everything, went to church, joined, you know, Billy Graham's Association or something. He might be able to get away.

So now it's just, he's smoking ice and he's fucking everything inside. Yes. Okay. This guy should be pretty easy to catch. No, he's not. Is this guy with his phone or walking around? Well, he's packing, you know, it's not that what he's got in his pocket. He's got two guns, as they say.

And he said this time he's telling his mother he's going to get a life sentence. And who knows? He don't know. Right. But he said, mom, I'm not going back alive. She called me yesterday and said, he's going to shoot it out dog. And then he told his girlfriend, I had a bad dream where dogs surrounded my house. So that let out all the hotel rooms and all that.

So what number one, he's paying rent somewhere. And this is what the meth heads do is they talk. Right. I think I might have told you in the Korean war, my father was in, well, the Koreans, when they captured RGI's, they use methamphetamine as a true serum. Interesting. Because they just, you know, and in the old outlaw motorcycle clubs back in the 70s and 80s, they, if you did math in the club, you're out because you are, it's a rat drug.

Unreliable. Yeah. Rat. Okay. Have you, have you considered going to like various Walmart's and just hanging out late at night? Because I remember when I lived in a town that had a Walmart, it was just nothing but meth heads between the hours of midnight. We don't have that Walmart.

We're sorry. Just, just walking up and down the aisles. There goes our tapes at Walmart. Right. No, it's a, no, because you, I've seen. So we've got to go and stealth, you know, be, get a lead, find him and take him out. You mentioned true serum.

Are those wind chimes? No, I've. Oh, is that your phone? Your wind chimes phone. That's actually very relaxing. Yeah, that is relaxing. Yeah, that's Apache. That's okay.

You can take it. You want to take it on air? No, that's good. Okay. It's a text. It might be a tip. It might be a text. Oh, it's a text.

So true serum. I think we talked about this last time, but true serum works. Well, yes, I forget the name of what it is, but it's sodium something, but that plus math plus nicotine. Like what we was talking about was like if a guy, a baby's missing, okay? And you can't, you get the perp in the room and you go, where's the baby at? I'm not talking. You know, well here, take a shot of this.

Or if you're spending $150,000 of the county's money to try a multiple murderer, you know, why we don't know where the bodies are hitting with true serum for 6950, you found out everything. So I think that's real justice. And we don't do it enough. We don't use true serum. Because they're afraid. They had lawyers got to make money.

The courts have to make money. The prisons have to make money. Let's get down to the real nitty gritty, hit him with that and find out what's really going on. So it sounds like, you know, I don't know a lot about true serum. True serum basically is when like, you know, we're having a presidential race coming up when they say prison reform, it's just true serum. Just more true serum. I thought you're going to say just inject both candidates with truth serum before the debate.

No, the prison reform seems like if you have true serum, it pretty much clean up everything. Yes. Well, New York. I like that. New York, for instance, when the ball dropped, Bill kind of went bad here. Remember we were talking about that. And the first thing happened is the courts here crazy, let a three, the guy hit a bank three times with only got $1,000.

A kind of bank robber only robs her a thousand. Perfect crime. Yes. Don't touch the safe. Just what you got in the drawer. Exactly right. Get out there before they hit the alarm. Exactly.

Three times got him in front of a judge. Judge said, oh, poor guy here. You're just a misunderstood soul. You can go home free. Got out the next day for nothing. Hit two more is on the run right now. Damn. Did he get away?

Yeah. Are you going to get him? No, it's New York. All right. You don't screw with New York? Well, I like to, but once they changed those rules back, every police commissioner, every detective of sergeant and above is saying this is the worst scam. The mob is in New York again in the criminal justice system.

Kosinostra. Yeah. Power thing. Yeah. I mean, that's just, you know, for nothing can you go to prison or jail. If you do something, oh, poor guy, you're let out free. The dumbest thing there ever was. Martin Luther King's birthday was yesterday and he said,

if America doesn't have a penalty or a restriction, watch out. So, you know, it's really dumb. And it's got to be the mob in there. You can rob a bank. Martin Luther King was, he was a big bail guy. Well, he was against crime a lot. He was, you know, the guy that killed him was a bail jumper, was a fugitive. So, yeah.

Sliding doors if you had been alive. And like kind of like Mark Wahlberg 9-9-11 kind of thing. And that's amazing you say that because that's what I wanted to catch the guy. You would have had his ass. You would have given James an array of forearms. Shot him with a pepper gun. Yeah, pepper ball. I know you would not have liked that.

I got a question about the fan club you have, The Dog Pound. What comes in that? A bunch of crazy motherfuckers. I need to be part of The Dog Pound. I think I need to be part of The Dog Pound. Please, buddy, please, yes. I need in on The Dog Pound. It's interesting that you brought up people that rob banks because I feel like I grew up

watching, you know, old movies and they come out occasionally where there's like an old West movie about a couple bank robbers on the run and you always root for the bank robbers, you know, when they're going from town to town. Usually it's fun to root for those guys. Do you root for those guys in the movies or do you root for like the law man that's trying to chase them down? Well, it's amazing because I've had guys, of course, my age, not too often in the car. And I say, what movies did you like when you were young?

And they say, James Cagney, come and get me copper, you know, stuff like that, where I like the Lone Ranger, you know, I always thought I was kind of like him. Who was that masked stranger? Well, some people call him the dog. So, you know, that was my hero. But guys I arrest is completely different. So television has a lot to do with their upbringing and who we become. Yeah, it is crazy how TV just straight up made robbing banks cool.

Yeah. Like when I hear bank robber, my first reaction was not, man, I hope they catch that guy. I was just like, that is badass. Did you watch the documentary? Don't fuck with cats? No. Have you seen it yet? No.

You should watch it. Okay. It's basically internet man hunting. Oh, is it? Yeah. They tracked a guy down with basically using clues off of pictures and random stuff. So you would like that. Well, we do that.

We did it before it was real, was lawful. Right. I mean, you had to get a warrant before we just did it anyway. They would post something on Facebook and you'd be able to, you know, surmise through all the clues. The guy sent a picture last month of his, he was at the zoo. And so his girlfriend said, well, I know you're with another girl right now. He's like, no, baby, I told her we were with her.

Make him send you a picture. And he's like, here's a selfie. And then in the back, it said some zoo. In an hour later, we had him. No way. Oh, yeah. Even bad guys like this. Well, they just like that.

They like that internet man. They gotta brag. They gotta go on there. We should, we should do some sort of collaboration with you guys and body moving. And who's the other guy from don't fuck with cats? The real man hunter guy. Yeah.

John Green. So there are these two people that that hunted down this. It was a cat killer and also the guy ended up becoming a murderer. They hunted him down online. Like, like big cat said, looking at the clues and the photographs, other like various clues that they left behind, tiny little breadcrumbs that they were able to track down. If we got some sort of collaboration, because this is a pretty big movie,

pretty big documentary that just came out between you, body moving and John Green. I think the kids would absolutely love that. It would be a hit. If you know body moving or John Green. Yeah, we'll produce it. I took a mental note. Can we do it right along? I think we talked about this last time.

Well, once we get into New York, yes, absolutely. In the second season, we'll do a ride along. We work once a while. I work for Empire Bail Bonds here. Okay. Female Michelle. Okay. So she gets once a while a really good jump.

So when she does, she of course is one of your fans. We'll, you know, we'll. We're in. I made a hundred percent. You got to wear a vest and sign a face. Oh, yes. Do I get the zip ties? If you, whatever you like.

Do I get a hot pepper gun? Whatever you want, brother. Pepper ball gun? But you got to sign a thing. If something happens, you can't sue me. Will you let me? Oh, no, I won't sue you for anything. I will not let you drive.

No, no, I wasn't going to ask to drive. I was going to ask at the end when we get. Yeah, I do love to drive. But at the end, when we, when we get the guy or girl, will you let me give the speech? Yes. Okay. Yeah.

And how do I, how did I know you like to drive? I do. I like to drive. You like to tweet. Oh, I know you do. Yeah, dude, I'll drive. I'll drive us everywhere. How about this?

Me and Big Cat will be in the back seat. You load the perp up, have them sit in the middle. I'll hand them a cigarette and then Big Cat gives them the big speech to clean up your life. Just be like, listen, it's not worth it. Smash the, smash the ice pipe. Go with Christ, bro. This is easy.

I listen. I've seen the speech a billion times. I know how to give the speech. Okay. I know how to do it. I wanted to congratulate you because you defeated death yesterday. Yeah, you've seen that again.

Oh yeah, he's done it like four times. The BBC put out, it was a fake BBC account, but they said R.P. Dwayne Dog Chapman, 1953 to 2009, which doesn't make sense because it's 2020. Yeah. But then you just replied on Instagram, not so fast haters. That's, that's happened.

It happened with TMZ. TMZ has been doing it too. Yeah. TMZ did it like a month ago. TMZ though said, if you're really alive, get this, take a picture of the Denver Post. I'm in Denver now. And what else did I have?

Something. You had like a piece of paper or something. I said, I am alive and held it, right? Yeah. And then they did it again yesterday. And then this guy wrote me this morning, it's probably Lawhead, and he said, don't you get it?

It's a premonition. Die, you motherfucker. Oh. Lawhead's trying to get in your head, but you know what? You're already, you're already so deep inside his head, he's having dreams about you. Yeah.

So you're already haunting him. So you're, so they're just, everyone's just predicting your death, and we need to just say fuck that. But it's a suicide. I don't do that. I'm too scared to do that. Right.

It has been happening. Yeah, you're as alive as you've ever been. You're smoking just one pack a day now. Right. We're getting closer and closer to cutting all that stuff out. Right. You're, you're kicking and screaming, man.

You're ready to go. Thank you, thank you. Yes. Gonna catch some people and, and fuck some people up. I like your sunglasses. Do you wear the same pair every day? No.

Different style for different colors. I noticed your shirt in the New York Times article as well was looking pretty, pretty stylish. Oh, I like that green thing, yeah. Yeah, that was stylish. That was a stylish shirt. The green shirt.

Yeah. You didn't like it? Quit wearing just black. Yeah. Well, you know, not really. I just like black, but gray or black, but then. Green pock.

My new assistant, I've got to, or the assistant. I've got to wear different colors now and. When was the last time you put on like a golf shirt and tucked it into a nice sensible pair of khakis? Cock-a-doh. This is never happening. Golf, I can't play that.

Yeah. What about you get dressed up ever in tuxedo or suit? Tuxedo. Bullo tie? Oh, no, really. I mean, I respect going to church and, or maybe I'm thinking of, oh, that's terrible, a funeral, but I don't, not necessarily.

Right. Yeah, you can't. You can't, dog can't live in a cage. No. You got to be out there roaming free. Yeah, yeah. There's a dog. He's got to tie a net to live.

Could you imagine? We should actually do that. So, so WGN make the second season and we will promise one episode where dog has to work like at an accounting firm in lower Manhattan for an entire week. That would be funny to watch. Do I work overtime? You have to wear, we'll get a briefcase, get on the train,

just be a schlub. Somebody try to rob me if I look like that. Oh my God. I'd love to see him try. It would be a cool place to that. We'll put an Excel spreadsheet. Have you ever used a spreadsheet before? Yes.

Okay, so you might actually be able to be an accountant. As far as I know, that's the only qualification. As long as I have my phone, my calculator, let's rock. You got that. All you need is just like, if your boss gives you any shit, you'd be like, you want to hang with a dog? Yeah. How about Siri?

Siri, you got it. Siri, Siri. You got the gloves on? You're typing with the gloves on? Siri, Siri, help. Yeah, you got this. All right. Well, I got one last question for you, dog.

Oh, is it over already? Well, we can hang out forever. Let's go, bro. It's good. It's cool to know that. I'm going to throw in the C-keek question, though. Promo code take, C-keek, promo code take $10 off. So if there is an X, there is going to be an X season.

There's going to be an X season. WGN, do the right thing. Are we, have you ever done international besides Mexico, international bounding, honey? Yes. Where? Well, what happens if I go to Canada? I think we need to take this place like,

we need to go to fucking Costa Rica. We need to go to like Spain. They bring me in, though. OK, and they go, sign right here. You'll not catch Quaid. He's on the run in Canada. Who else you got? Sign right here, dog.

So I have to sign a thing that says I will not try to arrest it. I tried to get into London, and they said, what if he comes here and does like he did in Mexico? And my person then answered, said, well, let's hope so. And they, I can't get in there. So most other countries, because of who I am, will not allow me in there because all the, you know, some of our baby rapers run to London.

Yeah, let's get Roman Polanski. Let's go find his ass. I thought he was back in America. He is. He came back. He came back. He came back. Yeah.

Yeah. I think he's probably in New York. He's in LA, right? New York, or LA or something. Let's get in New York. I don't think so. Oh, we need to find Jeffrey Epstein. Yeah.

Because he's still alive. That motherfucker's still alive. That's true. Let's do that. Dog about 100 season two on the trail of Jeffrey. You don't think he hung himself? No. Oh, bro, he's dead.

I don't think so. I don't think so. They, so the first time he was attacked in his prison cell, the cameras mysteriously go out. Okay. Right. They put him in suicide watch after he was there with a murder in his cell that tried to kill him.

He goes to suicide watch. He comes back into his own cell. The cops mysteriously fall asleep. There's no video footage. He broke all three bones in his neck. Usually maybe one. Maybe one is broken if it's suicide. If you jump off a bed even or a bunk.

All three were broken. The guy was a billionaire. He was in cahoots with the Trumps, with the Clintons. He was in basically every single billionaire in New York City had some sort of tie in with him. He was a CIA asset for 20 years. There's no way this guy's dead. This guy is overseas somewhere.

Well, in prison, morality, all of a sudden you get morality. And when you go in prison for that kind of charge, you are dead. Whitey Bulger, remember the story? Number one or was number one most wanted FBI list last year. 30 some years he's on the run. Okay. I once in a while, I think I ran into his wife once on the boardwalk.

So he was transferred to the most secure prison in America. I mean, there's no way nobody could get him. He was alive two hours. They got in his cell, plucked his eyeballs out, cut his tongue off. Whitey Bulger, tough mafioso. That's how he died? Yes, you Google it. It is unbelievable.

In this prison, there's no way you could have that happen. Right. You know, whatever. Right. It's just the convicts hate those kind of guys. You do that to a woman or a child. You are dead. I think that there is a possibility that he was murdered.

I don't think he killed himself, but I think he's murdered. He was either murdered or he, it was a different body and he escaped. But I'm very, that's the one conspiracy theory that I actually believe, just because of the sheer amount of contacts he had with other billionaires. He had the most powerful people. He had compromising material on all of them. Most all rapists do not commit suicide. A person that does shot someone else.

You know, that's why these guys bow, bow, bow with them, bow, either gun themselves. Rapists are sissies. They like that feeling with a girl. Please, please, please don't. I've arrested a lot and they will not most of the time kill themselves. No, he didn't kill himself. Somebody hung his ass. Yeah.

Is there, is there one? Quick justice. One arrest that you look back on over your years and you're like, that is my favorite arrest. I'm really glad we got that guy. Oh, wow. He did get beaten to death. My bad.

Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah, bro. I won't lie to you on that. No, I, I, yeah, I just, I didn't see how long. Yeah. Well, yeah. It was two hours.

He was transferred. For dark. Yeah. That day. That day. Yeah. Crazy. Before dark.

Crazy. So, you know, right when he went in, we're talking about Whitey Bulger again, right when he went in, all the guards, hey, Whitey, what's up, brother? You know, the inmates talking to and then one guard turned his head. It's a cut his eyeballs out. Cut his tongue out. You see the mutilation they did to his body. Yeah, that's nuts.

So, is there that one guy? Well, the one guy was Andrew Luster, 87 counts of rape from LA. Yeah. The Max Factor, great grandson. Because some of the victims said to me, a girl, dog, every time the wind blows and the leaves are rustling, I think he's outside my window and she was like freaking out all the time. Please catch him.

Please catch him and cry in and made me feel really bad. And when I caught him, you know, the first one I called was her. I said, here, Luster's saying. I think. Gotcha. That's, I mean, yeah, that's a pretty good guy to get off this. Yeah, absolutely. It would actually get some, some buzz going around season two.

Just if you look into the camera and say, Jeffrey Epstein, if you are still alive, I'm going to find you. Get your ass. Jeffrey Epstein, if you are still alive, beware of the dog. He's coming for you. How long do you think it would take for you to catch us? Oh, stop. You're my friends.

I know. But like seriously, you know, so that place worked. Well, you're a driver. So I would. If you came up to me, I'm like, dog, I thought we were friends. I would play at your heartstrings. I would say I would have people calling you over and over and I put a car outside your pad or where you're at running and you see that car because you're a driver.

You'd be like, yeah, we probably just tweet something like super, super quick. I would forget to turn my story. Yeah. Yeah. We would say at midtown, Dave and Buster's. Damn. And we should try that though. Maybe that's an episode.

Now they ping you. You know what a ping is, right? Yeah. Yeah. The hole where they can track you wherever you are. You done. Yeah. So you were kind of addicted to social media in a bad way.

So yeah, we wouldn't be able to turn our phones off. Right. It goes ping and then they got exactly where you're at. Right. If I'm going to be on the run, I might as well get cloud out of it. So I'm going to be tweeting. I'm going to be gramming. Oh, absolutely.

But you got to be like, hey, check us out, new Bonnie and Clyde. Here we are. Selfie. Oh, yeah. I would. So I would shave. I would put on a nice dress and I would look. You wouldn't know.

You think we're looking for a guy. You just have to go to a Buffalo Wild Wings on a Sunday. That's what I said. There they are. There you change your sexual orientation. Yeah. That's how to get away. Yeah.

We could put on the skies and just never. Yeah. OK. If you were on the run, where would you go? Oh, I've never really thought about that. Let's just say your frame. Somebody framed dog big time for a crime you did not commit. Somewhere where you don't know who you can go to.

Somewhere where you can't be extradited from, where you can still walk around and say hi, America. Yeah. Was that like Ecuador? I don't know. I'm not going to say. Belize. I do know.

But I'm not going to. Because my guys are all going to start. Thank you dog and head there. Yeah. Don't go to Belize. Oregon's a good place to go if you want to be, you know. What about just hiding under the bed? We always check the bed.

Oh, shit. All right. That's always my thought. Like, are you that or like sitting in the closet with all the coats behind the coats? Listen, the other day I caught a guy. It's amazing you said that. You know how two mattresses are, right?

Yeah. So she, the girl, cut out. He laid down. And they drew around him like you do a turkey with your hand. And they cut it out. So when we went in, he laid in that. And she was sitting on the mattress on the bed, right? And I just started to leave.

And I thought, you know what? Get up, honey. Why? Oh, he's there. Well, just get up. I want to look. Why? David Bleeland.

Oh, and so when we, she got up, we raised the mattress. And he was like, I don't fucking believe this. That is a genius. No, isn't that great? Yeah. Well, Charlie Manson hit it in a milk box, you know, little. Yeah. I mean, it's amazing where they can hide.

Do you check the refrigerator? Yes. And the washer and dryer. Found them in there. Really? I go, turn that on, will you? Oh, the places that you, you know, or behind the door with the stand like that when you open the door or the closet.

Inside the couch. Underneath the couch. She's missing information. I'll check. Yeah, dog never checks inside the couch. Yeah, I never checks for food. Never. Do you remember?

The refrigerator, washer and dryer, on the roof, in the attic, like standing or guys like different glasses, shirt real quick. Hi, is this? That's you. No, it ain't. You're like, wow, it is you. No, it's not. And you got to sign this, right?

Or let me see you. I mean, some guys are just really good liars. And then finally they're like, all right, it's me, man. Do I get, do I get the cigarette? No, I don't. In the speech. Yes, need the speech. I would, God give them the speech.

I would say that you're looking for my twin brother. Has that ever happened? I have on my application, it says, are you a twin? Because I have had that and not arrested the wrong guy, but that's what they try to do. So they can get you for false arrest. Interesting. So, and I had a one time a Latino, the two brothers,

and they both had identical tattoos around him until I brought in the old lady. I said, now listen, this is a 10,000 and 1,000 goes to you. Which one is the real Jose Gonzalez? And she said, oh, it's you, you fucker. She kissed him. Boom, it was him. Love it, love it.

Yeah, that's, that's good though. That's that's what I would say. Yeah. You're looking for my twin. Do you have a twin? No, I used her. He's dead. He's dead.

Oh, I'm sorry. That's okay. Really the truth? Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry about that. Not really. It's kind of, not really, but it's a long story. When was the last time you cut your mullet?

63? Wow. Oh, I get it trimmed once in a while. Yeah, but when was the last time you had, you didn't have the long hair? I haven't ever. You trim here at Hawaiian style on a full moon. That's true.

Every full moon you do a little. Not every, but when you cut it, you cut it on a full moon. Have to wait for a full moon? I'm going to start doing that. Something about the gamma ray, because then it makes it grow longer and longer and longer. I'm going to start doing that. Now, do you do it just like on the day of a full moon?

When you cut the full moon, that day, you can do a trim. Okay. Yeah, I'm going to start doing that too. Yeah, it really works. The Hawaiians grow their hair to the waist. I believe it. Absolutely. All right, well, dog, thank you as always.

Love you both. Come by anytime you want. Really good. Anytime you're in New York. Thank you. And keep telling everyone that you're alive, because I'm sure there'll be some media outlets that want to get in on the dog is dead business.

Fuck them. Well, when it does happen. We will update that. That's not going to be a long, long time from now. Thank you very much. You're on the fast side of being healthy. You got season 2 coming up. You're going to be just fine.

Yes. Thank you. You got this. But we should maybe take a picture of you in front of a green screen so even. So they know for sure. Well, no, in 40 years, when you do pass, we can fuck with everyone and be like,

actually, he's still alive. He came back. Yeah. One guy put a newspaper behind you. One, let me tell you a joke. So this guy, this Jewish couple went to Jerusalem, right? Together and the wife died and he's like, oh my God. So they said, now listen, we want to.

I want to send her back to America. But it was $5,000 to send the body. So the Jewish government felt bad and they said, listen, we'll bury her here in Jerusalem. We'll give you a good deal. He's like, no, I want to take her back to America. So then war broke out as it always does in Jerusalem, right?

And it's a day later. So he went back and they said, listen, it's $25,000 now to send the body. We're going to do you a favor because you're here and you're Jewish. We're going to let you bury her right here. And he goes, I'll pay the 25 grand. And the one guy said, why would you do that?

He said, listen, the last time you buried somebody here, they rose from the dead in three days. I'll bury the bitch in Oklahoma. There you go. Exactly. Aloha, you guys. All right. Thank you so much, dog.

Thanks, dog. Appreciate it. That interview with Dog the Bounty Hunter was brought to you by our guys over at Shady Raze. I love Shady Raze. I'm rocking them right now. They are the official sunglass sponsor, part of my take for 2020.

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Okay. Let's get some segments, finish up the show. We have chaps coming up in a minute for some roast, listener roasts. First up, let's do some firefest. Henry, would you like to start? Daniel, would you like to start? My firefest was falling asleep during Zion last night. Yeah.

My secondary firefest is Stu Feiner was just in the office, which was nice because we didn't have to deal with them like he wasn't here for us. So it's nice to just see him as like the wrecking ball he is. What do you mean? Well, sometimes it's like when he's like going out of the control and you're like, Stu, you know, we got a tape in five minutes. Like, can we get it together? Stu?

It's nice to just see him as a wrecking ball and be like, hey, Stu, and he just threw a bunch of weed at me. So that was my other firefest. Yeah, there's some marijuana on my side of the desk over here. Again, that's not me. We'll get to this later because somebody that wrote in a roast correctly said that I take the cover for Hank being the real drug guy. Oh, whoa.

And this is this is what they're talking about. There's marijuana is farming. I take one day trips to Hong Kong. I'm not touching it. Good point. Counterpoint. MDMA is not a drug. It occurs naturally in your body.

Oh, okay. Actually, that's completely false. Yeah, I was going to say, but it sounded good coming out of your mouth. PFT, what's your firefest? My firefest. Actually, Hank's firefest remind me of something. So you fell asleep during the game. Big Cat fell asleep during the Zion game.

That actually dovetails very nicely with our new favorite recurring listener of the show. Soon to be recurring guest, Saquon Barkley. Yeah. Who said that his favorite podcast was part of my take, but we're pretty confident that he meant to save part of the interruption. 100% because of his description. But there's no way he listens to part of the interruption on a podcast.

He said he likes it because of the sports debate and the and the disagreements. And how there are two sides that argue out their points. Maybe he just listened to the podcast when we fought about the dipspit. Yeah, that's probably what he was talking about. But this falls right in line. If we have two hosts that fall asleep during the game, you guys are Tony Kornes. Yes.

So how can I name draw? Are you watching the game? Yeah, I was watching it live. So my good friend Tommy Alter and JJ Redick interviewed Zion before the game. And so they had their new podcast come out and they told me be on the lookout, man, the Zion kids really good. It's really good. So, you know, shout out to them.

Boys, my face can be read next time I hang out with JJ Redick. It's going to be like, yeah, you called it, buddy. So that's my Mike Wilbon impression. I have no problem that I went to sleep early. I need to. It's all about resting before Super Bowl week. I said to myself, you know what? Time to lay it.

He's fat. Mark Jackson said he was fat. I know everything Mark Jackson says is correct. Breaking news. He needs to lose weight. What's Mark Jackson said that? I like, all right, fine, Mark. You say no more.

I'm going to sleep. My firefest, my actual firefest of the week. Shout out. Take one is the coronavirus. Yeah. So the coronavirus is. Zillion beers. It is live.

It's it's over in China right now. They've shut down cities. They've quarantined entire cities that have like a million, 11 million people in them. Can you imagine that? Like that's basically shutting down New York City. Yes. Quarantining the entire city because this thing is deadly.

And I guess there was one case of it in Seattle and I've seen the movie Outbreak recently. So I just think we're all fucked. It's good that we're not going to like a centrally localized city that everyone's going to be, you know, coming in from all different places. No one gets sick in Miami to the air. Well, they get the coronavirus, put a different one.

Yeah. You throw in Lyme disease. It's the most refreshing pandemic of all time. Little twist. All right. My firefest is I started watching the show, The Circle on Netflix, and it's the worst show that's ever been created.

And I started watching it. I can't stop. Why can't you stop? It's the worst show I have ever watched. Hank has watched it. BFD, I cannot wait for you to start watching it. I'm not going to. This is the worst show.

It's the worst show. I'm not going. For people who don't know what this show is. I'm all deep in the Marvelous Maisel right now. I cannot stop watching. So I don't have time. They created a show where it's a competition. I'm sure you'll be talking about it.

Where eight people live in an apartment building, but never meet and only converse over a social network called The Circle. It is horrendous. So do they live in. You're watching TikTok. You're watching The Circle. I don't watch TikTok.

I tried to. I watched a Mentos video. What's going on? So I don't know, man. Trying to stay hip. So for instance, we'll get to that. Are they in different apartments in the same complex? Yes.

So that's pretty normal. I don't know. I can't recall ever moving into an apartment complex after college where I became friends with other people in that complex. But they talk to each other and they send text messages to each other, but they talk it all out loud. So they're like.

It's Siri. It's like a conversation that me and you would have. That would take two minutes. They texted back and forth. So it's like 15 minutes of showtime. Text Jimmy. What's popping, bro? And then they go back and forth like that for like 10 minutes.

He's like, what should I say back? Like, should I be like, what's popping my G? Or should I say like, what's popping man? What's the point of the show? The each time that each episode they vote. There's a couple of catfish. So you can be real or you can be fake. You can be someone like there's a guy who's pretending

to be a girl. There's also a woman who's pretending to be a more attractive woman. That's a great move. That's really sad. Yeah. That part is a little bummer. But they basically after each show,

like two of them become the influencers, verified influencers, and they vote someone off. It's so bad. And then a new person comes in. They become verified influencers. I don't know the point. This sounds awful. I'm never going to watch it.

No. And it's confusing as hell because they taped it in London. But then they show accents. But no, it's a hard pass. It's Americans because then they show skyline shots in Chicago. But it's like weird because it's not Chicago. And it's, the whole thing is so fucked.

I'm not going to watch it. That's all I got to say. That's my firefight. I can't wait to watch the rest of the episodes. How many are you in? Two in. OK. I mean, Hank, you're going to watch the rest.

I will not start. No, I actually get upset when I watch. You want people to be miserable along with you. It's so bad. It's one of those shows that you watch and you say to yourself, I'm getting significantly dumber as I watch this show. And then you keep on watching.

OK. That was my firefight. Um, OK. We have a pinstripe update on Tuesday night. Derek Cheeter was voted into the Hall of Fame. Surely he was 100 percent. We kind of voted into the Hall of Fame. Unanimous?

I would assume so. Oh, Hank, do you know if he was unanimous? He was not. Wow. 396 out of 397 votes. That is fucking hilarious. I'm happy that baseball riders have got their groove back. Because Mariano, they slipped with Mariano.

You can't let him in, especially as a closer. He shouldn't be let in as unanimous vote. Someone has to be the turd in the punch bowl. Someone needs to claim responsibility for this. It's like an attack. Yeah. You want, you're trying to send a message, message delivered.

Now you have to claim it. Yeah. I'm also firmly in the camp of the fact that Barry Bonson is in the Hall of Fame, makes the Hall of Fame completely erroneous to me. Yeah. Our Roger Clements. It's Barry Bonson, the best baseball player of all time. You should be in the Hall of Fame.

Even if you take out the years that Barry Bonson was definitely doing steroids, allegedly, if you just take 1990 to 1999, Barry Bonson was still the best player of that decade by a large margin. Or just take out all his hits and just have it be on base percentage. And I think it still was unbelievable that one year. If you went up to bat without a bat in his hand, he still would have led the league in on base percentage. Right.

So he should be in the Hall of Fame. And until that happens, I don't care about the Hall of Fame. But I do think that Derek Jeter should have sent probably like everyone that did vote for him. And I still give basket afterwards. And then leave the KY Jelly and autographed baseballs. Yeah, Advil, whatever else was in that package. Yeah. It's surprising that we never got like a detailed what was in that package.

And itemized like his rider. Yeah. I guess he just played in the right era because if it was today, I feel like we would have gotten one of the packages. Oh, million percent. Yeah. That would be put on Instagram within probably six hours of him sending the first one. Although he probably had them sign a Dan Bilzerian like NDA.

I can't even say that. You can't even say that. I can't even say that. Okay. The NDA. About a shitty NDA. Yeah. The NDA.

Right. We can't discuss it. That's all we say. But yeah. Derek Jeter got voted in. I'm sure everyone will cry. I can't wait to see him in his Hall of Fame ceremony and be reminded the fact that every day that passes, he looks more and more like a penis.

But he is a Hall of Famer. Hall of Fame. One of the best short stops of all time. Second best short stop on the Yankees team. Yeah. Behind a rod. Right. Now you have to ask the question are his actions as an executive taking away from

his playing career? It's got to be asked. Would you think that maybe it's a writer from Florida that didn't vote for him because they're so spiteful of how he's treated Marlins Man? Do you think Marlins Man maybe wrote like paid off one of the writers to make sure he wasn't unanimous? Yeah. I think it's possible.

I think I think Marlins Man could show up at your house with all his cats and just say it'd be real shame if somewhere to just let all these cats loose in your house. I can't wait for next week with Marlins Man. He's going how many days do you think Marlins Man will show up to radio? Every. It's front row. That's what I'm you know what I'm just flashing back to the XFL stuff. I'm upset that I'm not going to be able to kick in a game with Marlins Man sitting between

the uprights for me to aim at. Yes. That would have been so amazing. Yes. Did I offer you money if you hit him in the face? Yeah. Probably. Yeah.

I think so. All right. So last up before we get to the roast we have a little stock tip from Mike Francesa. So Mike Francesa tweeted today. What was the exact tweet? It was something like the exact tweet was it was something like when TikTok goes public buy it buy it again and get back in line three times to buy it some more. So Mike Francesa has given us some investment advice.

I think it's probably wise to follow what the Sports Pope tells you to do. I actually think he probably just read about TikTok in the paper that morning. No, no, no, no, no, no. This kid definitely is one of two things. One million percent wait you go first. I was going to say he either read about it in the paper that morning or somebody told him, yo, Mike, you're blowing up on TikTok and had a bunch of videos of him with all these views. And he's like, that's a great app.

There was a New York Times article about TikTok earlier this week. I think those are connected. I was going to say he has young kids. It's definitely like his kid got in trouble in school or they had to take his phone away. It's talking. And he's like not playing sports or something. And it's like, why, you know, what's going on? He's like, all he does is he's on TikTok.

It's just TikTok, TikTok, TikTok. So you're going with. And he's just kind of about it. Yes. His kid is obsessed with TikTok to the point where Francesca can't get him to do anything else. So he's like, get on this. I'm pretty sure Francesca, I might have just made this up. I think he named all his kids after JFK, like one's John, one's Jack, one's Fitzgerald.

You were named after JFK. Yeah, I was named after JFK. You do, Hank. Yeah. JFK. What? Right. Just kidding.

You were named after JFK, right? No, it's just. He died in 1963 and you were born in 1990. So you were named after him. Got it. I get it. That was such a shit. That's like, that's a dad joke I should make because I'm a dad.

That was so bad. God damn it. That was so bad. All right, let's go to chaps. We have a huge show, by the way, every day for Super Bowl week. But on Monday, we have a big guest, former NFL quarterback. Very fun interview. But here's chaps to finish off this show.

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Store.barstlesports.com. Shop now. And now, our good friend, Uncle Chaps. Big time chapsy. That was such a dad joke. Such a dad joke. OK, we're going to finish up the show the week with our very, very, very, very good friend. And very, very, very good reader.

Very good reader. Very handsome boy. He kept his beard this time in his Uncle Chaps. Perfect eyes today from Uncle Chaps. He hosts a show on Series XM. He hosts ZBT, the world's best military podcast. We have a huge guest. Jaco Wilnick is going to be on the podcast.

He was SEAL Team 3 commander. He was involved with Chris Kyle's command. He was Chris Kyle's commander of the SEAL Teams 2. He's out. And that's our episode today. That's ZBT's episode today. Yep. And he also hosts Pod Fathers, which I was on.

Yeah, you were. For next week. So go subscribe next week. I sat down with Chaps. We talked about what fatherhood has meant to me for seven months, that I've been in the game, as they say, in the biz. In the dad biz. In the dad biz.

So go and listen to that next week, Pod Fathers. But he is everywhere and he's going to do roasts for us. Listener roasts. Can you do big time Tommy first? I have an addiction. OK. Big time Tommy. You've probably seen him.

He's the meatball Italian guy on Instagram who constantly posts about keeping it old school, taking it ease. Pretty sure he lives in Hoboken. I don't know if he has a house. He's got a car. Very nice car. Many cars. Many cars.

He just drives from place to place. It's him and his buddy DJ Vinny Dice. And Chaps does an impression. And I have asked him to do the impression no less than 30 times today. My favorite way to do the impression is because he has these motivational quotes that he does all the time. So I like to go to Pinterest and just find the first random one that shows up. So this is what it is.

OK, Instagram. This is big time Tommy. You can't go back and change the beginning. But you can start where you are the change in the ending. That's the old school way. OS for life. Take it ease. Take it ease.

That's a big time quote you would say right when you're getting out of jail. Yeah. Yeah. Listen to the new me. The past is the past. Take it ease. Take it ease. Keep it old school.

Make sure you see your probation officer. That's the old school way. I'm going to make you do that to end the show. I hope you know that. OK, can you read the first roast as big time Tommy? Sure. I can do it. Yeah.

Yeah. All right. Here we go. Listen to a roast. Here we go. And these are five star reviews. That's how you get to roast us. Yeah.

You can still leave a five star review for the next time we do roast. So do that. OK. Hey, what's up award-winning listeners. It's big time Tommy. I'm here to read your roast today. Chubby Tony Montana with a gambling addiction and somehow more feminine Geroletto,

a greener, a chinless hoodie wearing walking advertisement for Taco Bell about who put a Mountain Dew dip kit spin and bottle wear. I'm Rayon. OK. That was good. Yeah. You want me to do it another big time Tommy? Yeah, do it again.

It's going to fuck my voice so much. Or you want to save it for the end. Do the last one. OK, save it for the end. Do the last one. All right. Here's another one. We'd like to hear you misread things in your own voice.

OK. The only thing more upsetting than PFT's pro football career is Mr. Biskie, hashtag sad cat. That's rough. That's rough. Yeah. Football young. Both football young.

Very football young. I don't have a lot of wear and tear on these joints. Nope. Uh-uh. Here's the next one. What do you get when you have a deal with ED? Andy Reed's overweight stepson and one of the stunt extras from Point Break.

Well, you get this show. Sometimes they stay on track with topics, but then they either get higher drunk in the middle than it's anyone's guess of what the hell they're talking about. That's fair. That's not necessarily. We get drunker high before. Yeah.

It only is every now and then. We can't do it all the time. We're not Joe Rogan. True. We should do DMT before an episode. Drug guy. Yeah. What is DMT?

What's DMT? I don't know. I don't know. Tell them. I don't know what DMT. Tell them. It's called the God Particle because your body releases a little bit of DMT when you pass away.

And it gives you that little oomph to get you into the afterlife and you feel like everything's OK. It's quick acting so you can smoke it. It's out of your system. Well, it's in your system, but it doesn't affect you for longer than maybe like 10 or 12 minutes. Don't you shit yourself too when you pass away? You could.

That's also DMT. I've never done that drug. Yeah. I think that is. Like when you have a heart attack, you just shit everywhere. It's the 21 grams for that movie. Really? You had a heart attack?

Yeah. No. Yeah, I did. I did. Why I worked at Barstow? A real one? You don't remember that? I remember, but it wasn't.

I texted. That was legit. Did you think you just checked too many push-ups? What would I do a push-up? That's true. 20 and 20. Did he check in on you? I think so.

No, you didn't. Yeah, I did. I checked in on you. You did? Yeah. Yeah. That's my friend. Jay Cutler's Husky Superfan.

I love Husky. Yeah. Huskies are good like the Husky clothing line when you're a child. That hurts. Yep. A store brand head and shoulders model and an illiterate tax evader.

Talk about football coaches, sexual experience they read about online and their obsession with the genius Dan Ravel. They are about as likely to say something intelligent as the necroplatic lady, Lackey, is catching a flight. And after recommending to my dad, he told me that he wasn't even mad. I'm just, he's just disappointing in me.

Ah, that's not true. There's no way. I honestly think that our podcast has repaired so many relationships between fathers and sons. Absolutely. It's got so many dads and kids close. Absolutely. Yeah.

Tell your dad what's up, motherfucker. Yeah. Have him listen. Tell your dad to subscribe so you have something to talk about. If you have a son that listens to this show right now, text him, yo, what's up, you little bitch? You listening to PMT today yet? And then tweet and then show us his response.

Tweet us through his response. This one from Keegan. It's about me and it is a thousand percent true. Thousand percent true. Chaps looks like he's trying out to be on the cast of the Sam Lott reunion movie. That is the TMZ. Yeah.

Guess who? Member him. Guess who it is. I love when they do that. Youth throw darts like a girl. It'll be like a four-year-old child actor. And like, member him. Look at him now.

That's like, well, yeah, of course. He's 40. It's always him from the big green. Yeah, right. You know, I think I look like I grew up. Froggy. From this. From the Little Rascals.

Yeah, OK. Little Rascals underrated. You look like Gritty's mugshot. Yeah. Ooh, speaking of. Or Gritty in court. You look like the courtroom animation of Gritty. Gritty when he takes his mask off.

It's like, oh, there's actually just a Gritty underneath the Gritty. People love Gritty, though, Chaps. It's a compliment. Yeah. No, like when they do the human renderings of like Star Wars character, like Yoda as a human. Yeah.

It's like, Gritty, imagine as a human. Everyone's like, no, no, no, please. Like, we don't want this. Especially when I have banana-induced pink eye. It's my eyes are all bulgy and stuff. When those girls remember that. Oh, fuck. Fat Freddy Mercury and an elf princess with glaucoma

ask a vet with worse tattoos than Paul Bissonnette to re-reviews because their product doesn't know how to. Or a producer doesn't know. Oh. Does Paul have bad tattoos? I don't know. I've never seen his tattoos. I always can't.

Like, I can't look away from his nose. Yeah, he seems like too big of a pussy to get tattoos, honestly. What's, what are your tattoos? Can you tell us what a couple of your tattoos mean? Okay. Fish. The fish means that I was young and lived in Japan.

Okay, the yellow submarine. My daughter's name is McCartney. Okay. Show me the Ronald McDonald. Okay, the Ronald McDonald was because I was in canine school, like I was in a school for military working dogs, and me and my buddy Doc, we had a chicken McNugget eating contest, and the loser got the, had to get a tattoo.

I lost, so I had to get Ronald McDonald on my wrist. Okay, and what's this one? That one's John Basiloni, the Marine who was killed in the battle of Iwo Jima. Okay. The middle of honor recipient. Respect. Is your grandfather? Chesty Puller, no.

Oh, that kind of looks like a badass. Just two famous Marines, probably the most famous Marine ever. I got a question about the Iwo Jima thing. I don't want it to be disrespectful, because I know it was a very important battle. Careful. Did it really take nine people to raise that flag up? They did it several times, yeah.

Like, it went over and over again. I think the actual photo has five, but that one was, like, just created just for the picture's sake. Gotcha. And then more and more people were like, I want to get in this place again. Yeah, they were like, no, get down, do it again. Let's do it again.

It's kind of like a TikTok that we did earlier today, and the office where we started out with three people, and then I was like, hey, can I be in it too? Yeah. That was very similar to the battle of Iwo Jima. Perfect. Next one. Oh, I forgot what you were doing this.

Oh, we were just having so much fun. I lost where I was at. Being us. I also like your Jackson Deville tattoo. Yeah, that was a good one. Here we go. You say that was a good one like you don't wear it every day. That is huge.

You hung it up in the closet. Yeah, that was a good one I did. Yeah, sure. It is huge. He's wearing the thong. Let me see, let me see. Oh, that is fucking good. Yeah, see, that was a good one.

That was a good one. I don't regret that one. I kind of do when they moved the team to London. A big red X through it. OK. Nice. Nice. Just put the big Birmingham castle or whatever.

What are the castle guards? Hat. Yeah, the big hat. Or you could do the Jopah and put a halo over his head. No. Yeah, that was. If the Jags moved to London, seriously, because they're in talks right now,

people in Jacksonville are buzzed that they're going to have two home games in London this year instead of just one. People are like, if they do that, I'm giving up my season tickets. On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you miss Blake? Zero. You come on.

You miss him a little bit. I don't. You would honestly, Chaps, you would rather have Blake than Nick Foles on your team. Oh, is Blake going to be the backup? No. Let's say Blake's year was exactly like Nick Foles' year. He started.

Sure. Yeah, he's much more interesting than Nick Foles. At least Blake, if we were bad, he's a cool guy. I like him as a person. If you were bad. I don't think you're saying that. We're not saying that. I do like him as a person.

I lost my place again. I don't remember where we're at. I think we have two more? OK. All right, here we go. PFT definitely smells like stale farts and cigarettes. He's the type of guy to pull up his pants and leave without wiping when he runs out of toilet paper.

That's really mean. Definitely a drug guy of the group. PFT is just a cover-up. And Jeffrey Epstein didn't kill himself. Bubba, the type of guy to have two fists of a beer and then be blackout drunk with Chaps. Thank you for your service. Bubba?

Bubba, what's your tolerance? Thoughts? I'm going to drink a lot. Would you say a zillion beers? We lost Bubba in New Orleans. And Hank and I got back at 3.30 in the morning. And we got a key to his room because he had all the equipment in there.

And as we're standing in the front desk, someone with so much fucking food was trying to call his room. And we're like, he was just totally passed out. He ordered all this food passed out. So I think that plays. I like that move. Yeah.

What did they do with it? We brought it up for him. And he threw it out the next morning because he was too drunk to even wake up. A weird move happened when we went down to the Army Navy game. I went and I had a couple drinks at the hotel bar and went back to my room. It was probably 10 o'clock.

I had like two or three beers and went back up to the room. Somehow the staff at the hotel was so sneaky. Like this chef there was a stoolie, I guess. I woke up in the hotel the next day. They had different types of gourmet popcorn on the desk and like all this different beef jerky and shit like that. Someone came in while you were sleeping? Yes.

And it was like a huge spread. And I was like, that's really nice. I was like, but that's also really weird. There's some blackout fairy came in. Because I was basically naked underneath the sheets and I had no idea somebody came in. You could have been cranking off. Yeah.

What if I was fucking jerking my dick in there? That happens every now and then where someone who works in a hotel will leave like a nice bottle of champagne. Yeah. But now why? Do you think there are like Dan Katz's out there who've gotten just by bank air in their favor? Yeah, they're like the Michael Bolton guy

from the office when they walk up and they're like, oh, you're not the other Michael Bolton. It's like some 75-year-old dude. And they're like, we're huge fans of the podcast. He's like, what? Going back to the first part of that roast, we went to that Big Cat was a guy that would stand up without wiping and leave.

That actually, it's occurred to me. I've thought, what would I do if I found myself in the situation you're in a bathroom stall in public? Okay. Yeah. Let's say you are wearing no underwear. Well, you're me undies. For whatever reason, you're not wearing any underwear.

Okay, so gesture jeans. There's no toilet paper. There's no cardboard roll that even comes along with it. You take a poop. How do you, what do you do in that situation? You just scoop it up. You scoop it out of the water. That's a terrible visual.

So now you think you have to bidet yourself. I think that's the only. No, you can't bidet yourself with pooped water. Yeah. No, you flush. And then you flash. Flusher isn't broken. Yes, you can do that.

You flush. You put the poop back up in your butt and you carry on with your day. I would say maybe you take a sock off. Yeah. And just sock it up. Yes, sock. But what if you're wearing flip flop?

Oh. That's an issue. Flip flop? You're naked. Flip flop is no underwear. I get a job. You're at a pool party and you have to go back in the pool. How many wipes until you just give up and get into the shower?

Like if you have like just real thick. Oh, all right. All right, go on. Go to the next one. Oh, what? Now all the guys open the door. Not me. Yeah, close it.

Yeah. Like you dump caramel sauce on like a door mat. Yeah. Like a door mat. Close the door. Yeah. Yeah, I think you just like the bathroom on fire. Is this the last one?

Last one. PFD has built like a twin size mattress. What? I'm going to choose to take that as a compliment. It's not. Yeah, that's those mattresses are at least like six feet. Yeah, they're real. I can't like I don't go head to toe on a twin size mattress.

Yeah. That's a big upgrade. I don't either. Yeah, you're good. Thank you. You want to leave us with one last big time, Tommy? Yeah, there's a couple you missed too. You could you could go back.

Yeah, go back to one last. We like having one big time. It's hard the way that I got it. I can't find where it is whenever I go out. Doing another review. Hank looks like he works in a dispensary that lets 16 year olds end with their older brother's ID. PFD looks like he plays an unusual African instrument

in the New York subways. Big cat looks like a lesbian that holds hands with anyone that walks next to him. That's pretty good. That's really good. That's pretty good. All right. Finish us off with the inspirational big time Tommy

and we'll see everyone on Monday. Okay, here we go. Hey, what's up, award-winning listeners? Another motivational quote to take you into your weekend. If it's not gonna matter in five years, don't spend more than five minutes being upset about it. That's the old school way. O.S. for life.

Take it easy. Love you guys. That's the old school way. Now, not worrying about stuff. I'll be coming for your love, baby. Take on me. Take on me. Take on me.

Take on me. I'll be coming for your love.