Pardon My Take - Eric Andre, Jay Cutler, Fyre Fest Of The Week, And Magnetic The Documentary

Episode Date: June 26, 2020

Friday vibes running through the studio we spitball some sports and Office ideas. (2:10-12:59) Fyre Fest of the week and Billy might be spreading diseases to us. (14:56-24:52) Comedian Eric Andre joins the show to talk about his new standup special Legalize Everything, absurd humor, what makes a prank great, and drinking. (26:20-1:01:49) Friend of the program Jay Cutler joins the show to talk about the chicken massacre in his backyard and we name his new rooster. (1:04:10-1:15:40) Segments include stadium roast for the Rangers new stadium (1:18:14-1:21:02) and a documentary review of Magnetic. (1:21:03-1:30:40)You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take, we have comedian Eric Andre, always funny Eric Andre. He's got a new Netflix special out called Legalize Everything. We also have our good friend Jay Cutler on the show to talk about the chicken massacre that has captivated the nation in his backyard. We get to the bottom of that.

We have Firefest of the Week. What's going to happen with sports? We don't know. A shoe roast of a stadium, the first ever. And just some Friday vibes. Let's just have some good times. Let's kick back. Let's enjoy ourselves.

Let's enjoy good company. And let's do it with our friends from Cash App. Pardon my take is always brought to you by Cash App. Not only is it the easiest place to send money to your friends, it's the safest. It is the number one social distancing app out there. You do not have to see someone be face to face with someone to send them money on the Cash App. You can link it directly to your bank account.

Shout out Pete. The fire engines are back, but the Cash App is also back. It's never left, baby. So go right now. Download the Cash App. Google Play Store or the Apple App Store right now. Use code Barstool when you download it and you get $10 for free. Just giving away $10.

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You're helping this podcast. You love it. Okay. Let's go. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, We're still, you can't beat me. You can't beat me virus. We're not, I'm still here. There's no sports and we're sticking it out.

And it's not gonna happen, but that's okay, you know? Everyone's, you know, Brooks Kepke's, Caddy got COVID, golfers are getting COVID, basketball players, baseball players. Who's back in the week? Jay Cutler's chicken's heads are falling off. Yeah, everything's going wrong, but we're still here. We're still here, we're still enjoying

our company together. This is just a word salad. Our life, just being here. Just dominating. Doing things, just being legends. Just going full send at my desk. We're just being legends right now. Here's a, you know what, I'll start here.

I have an idea. Has anyone, this is a, not even a drunk or high idea, it was just an idea. One of those. One of those regular ideas. You know what I'm talking about? A sober idea is actually more of a drunk idea than a drunk idea is.

People love lists. Right? Fact. People love debating lists. We got mad at a list on Wednesday. Now this is probably stupid because I'm probably going to give it away, but I think Jake Marsh is good enough

that maybe he and Billy, not really helping, can do this, or maybe an AWBL can do it. Has anyone done a list of ranking all of the office intros? Do you mean the cold opens? Yes. All right, number one is, I think the fire that Dwight starts. Fire, now I don't really even know.

Now I'm on the spot of my own. The bat's pretty good. Kevin's chilly. Kevin's chilly is number one. Kevin dropped chilly. I agree with the fire one. The fire is awesome. That was after a Super Bowl too,

if I remember correctly. Yeah, Michael hits Meredith with his car. Stanley pushups, I saw the other night, which is very funny when Michael says, if anyone can do 25 pushups, you can leave work right now. And it takes Stanley like an hour, but he slowly does it and everyone's like clapping for him.

But we should do that, right? I have no problem doing that. I think that's something that hasn't been done, that like they're all so funny and we put them all together. I just wanna watch the office. Put one in the ear hole. Jake doesn't watch the office.

Of whoever Netflix is in charge of making the volume on the office introsong, so much higher than the rest of the show. Impossible to fall asleep. Yes, yes. Makes it very hard. I actually had a list. I started to create in my head the other day.

This is actually sports related. Now that baseball looks like it's finally coming back, we need to get out ahead of it and say, which teams will have the asterisks next to it if they win this World Series? Right. So like Nats, no asterisks. We'll just say Nats, Cubs, Red Sox.

Those are legit championships. Met's huge, huge asterisks. Four? Four asterisks. For what? If they win the World Series. Yeah. Oh, just in general?

Yeah. Well, let's say Rod buys them. Yeah, that's why I'm kind of asterisks. I'm waffling on that. No asterisks yet. I would throw an asterisks on like, I would say any random team, like the Rays. The Rays win it.

Fuck it. That's an asterisk. This would be the most Marlins World Series ever to win. Also, what about the Indians? The Indians have the longest World Series drought now. Do you even want to win the World Series in a 60 game series? No.

The Indians? That's also what you said when they were in it a few years ago. Like if the Indians are in it this year, that's going to be bad news for them. Right. Yes. Yes.

Absolutely. That is absolutely true. But I, like thinking about it, it would feel, I was just thinking about this for the Browns too. Like if there's no fans in the stadium for the entire NFL season and the Browns win the Super Bowl, of course, as a Browns fan, you're going to take it no matter what.

But still, you know, people will be like, well, they don't have to play in front of any road games. Yeah. And it's going to favor the Chargers big time because all their home games will be less of road games than they were before. By the way, we never even talked about the fact that Hard Knocks is Chargers Rams.

That's so stupid. Yeah. Because they don't want to travel. Well, and also want to stay in LA and not get on airplanes. They just want to do drone shots of the fucking stadium. They should. Wait, you know what? All those Hard Knocks shots of the stadium

whenever Rich Eisen flies in out of LAX. All of Hard Knocks this year should just be via Andrew Siciliano putting his iPhone up to the window in his 737, his videotaping the construction as it goes over. It's just going to be a constant, I wish Phil Rivers was in this. Yep.

God damn. Yeah, I like it. How dare you. You know, it'll be great, Phil Rivers. How dare you do this to us once Blake Bortles and Phillip Rivers leave town. Get the three signed Blake. All right, so who else on the list?

I say that if the Dodgers win and Clayton Kershaw discovers himself in the playoffs, doesn't count. Yep. He's still playoff. Yep, playoff Kershaw. Rockies. Rockies. Yes, big asterisk.

Because if you put it over a long season, they probably, their pitchers would have gotten shelled more, whatever, I don't know, an altitude. I don't want to say that the Cardinals should have an asterisk, but I do want to say that if you're truly the best fans in baseball, you will agree that they should have an asterisk in the next season.

So that's on you to self-police on that, St. Louis. The Brewers. Yes, I'll give you an asterisk. Yes, but it's a butthole. Cardinals, that's just a personal asterisk. Yankees get one pinstripe. You get to award pinstripes to one player if you win this one.

No, they get to, the Yankee fans can say 27 and a half rings. Okay, I like that. They can't say 28. 26, 27 and a Cochran. Yeah, they can't do it. They can't do it, go all the way. I'm also nervous about the NBA, by the way. Feels like everyone's getting coronavirus there, so.

The Orioles counts. J.R. Smith is back though, hopefully. J.R. Smith is back. Yes, the Orioles, I'm going to say that they count because I will count that as a title for DC, title town. Okay, there you go, even though it's totally different city. Title town.

Right, towns. Title, what about the Ferris, they're pretty close. Yeah, if they grease up the light poles, and as long as nobody climbs up a light pole in Philly, I'll give it to you. Did you guys see Magic Johnson's back? By the way, go download Rob Lowe's new podcast. He said we'd help out a friend, so he had Chris Pratt.

I think he taped Magic Johnson, that will be coming up soon. How great would it be if the Blue Jays won the World Series, and then they lost the Stanley Cup again? We should make them count this World Series, as just rubbing salt in the wound, if not succeeding at your primary sport. Yes, so I don't know, what else we got?

I mean, the only other news I saw was Ted Gin said that Mr. Biscay's going to be the starter for the Bears in 2020, which did a double, like, oh no. And also, yeah, that was the other, like, oh, I forgot Ted Gin was on the Bears. They signed Ted Gin and Jimmy Graham, because Ryan Pace looked at like 2013,

and was like, if we could get this out of these guys, we'll be unbelievable. That's actually, Ted Gin is one of those guys, when the draft came around, everybody was like, what are the Dolphins doing? And it turns out he's had a pretty long, solid career. No, he's fine, yeah, he just, he, he, actually, He loves sidelines, Ted Gin.

He loves running out of bounds so much, you should have actually signed him a few years ago and put him in at running back. Yes. So that he didn't stay in bounds and get tackled. Yeah, Mary and Barbara game, Tebow, Mania. Ted Gin actually is a victim of his own success. Like, the reason why he drops open passes

is he's so fast he gets open. True. So get a little slower, dude. Because he's just been around for forever. Right, right. Anything else? Billy, Billy shaved, he looks like he's fucking 12 years old now.

I looked like 45 before. Yeah, you just decided to shave it all off and go back to the Barber shop opened. I wasn't going to have someone else cut my hair like who wasn't a professional. Yeah. Wait, you've been getting professionals cut in your hair all the time.

Barbers are professionals. True. I just thought it was you. You're a professional. True. Yeah, everyone's a professional at something. Big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big. Just being a professional at masturbating.

Could I be a professional bodyguard of you guys? He's retired from masturbating. Big Ben hasn't jacked off in years. What are you guys I was we do our Pittsburgh radio we switch off weeks PFT And I with our friends at TV and they asked me this morning How much do you think like do you think big Ben understands what addiction means because it's very hard to believe that a Quarterback could be addicted to porn and like still be a good quarterback Do you think big Ben is like I was addicted to porn I jerked off three times a week

Yeah, I think and then we all now have to say that we're addicted to porn. Yeah, I think it's kind of like We said on on Wednesday show, which is You're not really an addict if you say that you're a former addict real addicts Understand that if you're an addict you're an addict for life Right something that you manage and that you try not to relapse on correct But it's always going to be in there with big Ben Yeah, he strikes me as a guy because he was he was speaking at how to be a better man summit It was like a a giant youth group for grown-ups essentially right that he was talking to you so great

Man up I think well actually that works Yeah, so big Ben was saying like drawing back to his past experiences how he's improved as a person That's like you knew a kid back in elementary school or middle school. That was like oh, I'm born again I decided become a born-again Christian like dude. What are you talking about born again? I like we play on the same little league team you chew bubblegum you eat ice cream and you go home that's it right and They were like well I was cussing a lot and so I had to ask Jesus for forgiveness and so I think big Ben is just trying to reach out and be like

I've overcome I've overcome my demons of looking at porn hub twice a week He basically he's diet starts Monday not watching porn starts Monday and then when you start it new You're like I don't do that stuff anymore big Ben is the youth pastor that sits down He turns his motorcycle backwards and sits down on it He's like hey guys. Just let me wrap it you real quick about the evils of smashing that like on on live jasmine cams Man big Ben. I would love to see big Ben is definitely a fucking Fat titty fat ass kind of guy. He's straight when it comes to the porn he watched I feel like you know that big no

He's gotten like the if it leaked what he was searching it would be like juicy 36 quadruple D's fat ass like the James Brown tweet you think I'm gonna look up right now I think it was a fucking funniest tweet. I don't think it'd be like the James Brown tweet because that involved a personal trainer and working out I think big Ben is just like strictly BBW sexy little brunette bitch sucking and fucking her personal trainers big cock Yeah That would remind him too much of a James Harris video that didn't make the cut Yeah, I bet you got kids in the car I bet you big Ben does the thing that you see sometimes in porn where the guy finishes

Where he jerks off with like two fingers and his thumb and that's it. That's oddly specific. Yeah, it freaks me out every time I've seen it. That's way too sick. What are you doing? All right, let's get to let's do some firefest and then we were gonna get to Eric Andre Billy's got a smile on his face like he's got something Big brewing for firefest. I don't know what I'm worried about that. All right before we get to firefest Bose is back after coming on as a sponsor of our NFL draft coverage. They are now a partner the part of my take podcast They hooked us all up with these awesome Bose 700 headphones the Bose headphones 700 are perfect for when it's time to enjoy your music

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Firefest the week do we want to risk it and start with Billy no risk it no biscuit Billy football We got he looks like he has something big Firefest of the week scabies I would like to bring a little awareness to scabies because Which this is your firefest. Yeah, and what is that like? No, I thought I had scabies So I did got the scabies cream But then turns out I didn't have scabies and I just had scratches, but skate I had scabies before they're a really bad issue

What are they scabies are like these little mites you catch I caught them digging drainage pipes But like they sneak up on you and they're super contagious and you might not be digging a drainage dish with someone You know then you catch them. When did you think you had scabies? um He's right now Billy's doing the math like thinking when can I say when I was So you think you came in his office with the honest Billy. I thought I had scabies on Monday You when did you get when did you get tested or whatever? So so Jay's been inching further and further away from you. Yeah, too

If you got to like what looks like bites on your wrists or your ankles and they're close together That's where the scabies dig in because they only enter one way and exit the other way. So they're tunnelers They're tunnelers. So I thought this was I thought this was scabies But really I got this from I'm trying to build a chicken coop, but you need to make sure that if you have scabies Doctors are not gonna give you the right medication. They're gonna give you the cream You got to make sure you get the tablets because I'm mad at you that you came in here thinking you had I swear I I pretty sure it was but I definitely know it isn't because they spread and they so you just think it's like athletes foot or Something to get your feet, but then it totally spreads your whole body. I've had them

I had them like two years ago They're mites that literally like burrow into your body Anyway, some people have them for like years and they you can get rid of them, but they just lurk around you Billy Billy my firefist is you know You I was pretty sure I had them, but now I definitely don't so you were pretty sure you had him when you came into this Office and you also definitely have not gotten tested. No, no, you can't get tested for scabies Anyway, I hate you the drug that you're gonna want to ask for is you're the worst is also a Yeah

Like you're talking about a drug that you don't even haven't taken no the drug is so you haven't taken a drug You haven't tested you just thought you had you need to have them. You don't have them You don't have anything you want to do You haven't taken it looks like Uncle Chaps eyes. Oh, don't say that. That's mean to scabies. Um, you don't want to take permit scabies There's a pill that you can take. I think it starts with an what have you taken well I took some ivermectin and you I you got it at the like you can get it like a tractor supply store She can give the horses if you can't get it from your doctor

They sell it in big tubes like toothpaste gone off the rail anyway They just you got to make sure the dosage is right for it's like one milligram for any 20 pounds So you just go to the tractor supply store and get ivermectin if you think you have scabies What happens if you don't treat them do you they just Basically like they come back like depending on what you're wearing so in the summer if you have your ankles exposed a lot They go away. Oh, so now you're now you're slut shaming people. No, you're saying that the there was some elements of provocative No, if you have scabies just wear less clothes and they'll go away if you're having trouble anyway Make sure if you have scabies awareness take all your clothes off. Yes. Okay. Good advice and send me pictures to die

No, all right yet again. No Billy yet again. That is your fault See my firefest is Billy. All right. Delia firefest So on I think it was it was Tuesday when you were here We did a like a random host on twitch which is where like you can we talked about it with Nick Merck's actually So, you know what it is, but big cat was getting off stream and we just I was like big cat pick a random random stream Whatever will host them and it's it's a funny thing because like they're this guy was playing NHL He had like 16 viewers all Sunday at 20,000. He freaks out whatever apparently he was playing in an NHL league with like a bunch of friends One of the kids in that league so I golfed last weekend in Braintree

One of the kids in the league was in the group of people behind me and like this was you know It's the back nine. I had a few beers a little hot leaf like we're taking it easy And I got off I got out of the cart took my driver and walked up to the green before even looking like at the distance I realized there's a par 3 so I put the driver down Hit my buddy's club left the driver so I had to turn around and go get the driver from them. So All these people were watching this kid's stream and it was like this kid was like dude We were playing golf behind Hank and he hit a par 3 for or he had a driver from a par 3 So everyone was just chirping the shit. Okay, though. I do that. Yeah Hank. It sounds like you did hit a driver from par 3

You're still denying. No. No, that's okay with that. I like doing that I could I I was going home and I got like a tweet being like did you really hit a driver from a par 3 and I had to have like one Of those like who is watching me moments. I thought how does that how did that get out? How the fuck did that get out? Yeah, and so big cat accidentally hosted that same guy the guy in the league Totally by accident a crazy crazy because the guy's told big cat Hey, no, I I just found him. I found him randomly and he also The chat just just Rude his brain. Yeah, yeah, he thought his mic was muted the entire time

Oh, my other figure it out my other foreshadow I'm either fire fast not foreshadowing or anything to do with the show or anything But one of my comedic heroes and then big influences that I had school shooter in energy energy when I say that You never said it wasn't you? Yeah What is it? Yeah, it's just a just a you'll see and you also do you agree with it? And you also said he was on commie central when he's an adult swim. I swear. I swear. Yeah I thought that was the same thing for a long time. Yeah, no cartoon network That's that see all right. So I probably started the train chain of events. Yeah, but where

When I was growing up the channels it was commie central then adult swim or commie central then Cartoon Network 6061 so that was a mistake by that was a huge mistake I didn't know that there were two channels even then Yeah, but I just they they were the same and they blended in my mind in my mind That's actually fair when you have them close you didn't know clumps together. Yeah, like VH1 MTV were like 2829 Dude, I'm so I'm actually worried that I'm kind of like I will run the reps Just to keep in shape on running sports channels like FX TBS also next to each other They're very they do that on purpose everyone should do that

Everyone make sure you do that once a week once a week I turn on the TV and I just fire through all the sports channels just to keep my mind sharp on them Oh, I had to find the golf channel the other week Yeah, it wasn't like the thousands and I was up in the 30s You gotta keep your mind sharp guys, and I got that I have spectrum instead of fire us now I have no idea what channel the red zone is Mmm. How am I gonna figure that out? Don't worry pride on football shut up That's that was not even funny. I mean dude people have been saying that to me. That's not what do you want me to do?

Spread it along like scabies my fire Dammit my firefest of the week is That now anybody can buy a robot dog for seventy five thousand dollars And so we are about to enter the age of just privately on podcast Well, we can yeah, we can buy three after this one Hank can buy a robot dog Mm-hmm instead of a cat mm-hmm. That'd be pretty sick So, but I'm just I'm afraid that these robot dogs are gonna be they're gonna fall into the wrong hands Yeah, the the people rich enough to fucking buy seventy five

It immediately goes to the wrong people People who literally it's there it's in their benefit to have the robots take over the world and be boss of the robots Yeah, all of a sudden Michael Vick shows a strong interest in battle bots Mm-hmm. I think I would buy a robot dog Just to keep away other robot dogs. Is that how it works? No, I don't think that's they're not programmed to either be afraid of each other or be No, when you walk a robot dog past another robot dog did they want to stop and play no So when they hit the switch to have all the robots come together

You're gonna have a robot in your house and he will turn on you You know, it's gonna be Jeff Bezos hitting the series or not the series which the Alexa switch Mm-hmm. We already have robot dog whistles inside all our homes right now, and that's gonna activate them Fuck that fuck Alexa All right, my firefest is uh, I just we're opening the office July 6th By the way, we're gonna have Monday and Wednesday next week shows and then take ease on July 6th So no show on Friday July 3rd July 3rd We're opening the office July 6th. I don't like

Being able to speak to people and have like conversations social anxieties through the roof We had we were in the office yesterday where there's like 30 people and it was just I don't think I'm used to just being around people. It's weird feeling and I'm gonna struggle with opening the office back up We've had this like tight little group of people that are here pretty much just us It's like our own little club and now we lose it. It's gonna be very strange But at least you know that when you see somebody for the first time, it's not gonna be a handshake It's gonna be an elbow or a fist bump. I think it's not even gonna be that

I think it's gonna be an awkward standing away from each other like hey I'm just looking forward to having somebody I can say oh, it sucks that the gyms aren't open yet, huh? Haven't got a lift in in forever. Yeah, that's the coolest thing you can be saying right now job Man, what the fuck gyms are phase four? Come on. Are they phase four phase four plus. It's an extra phase. What's phase three phase three is? Doing shots with the boys at bars Okay, they allowed groups of males in to Hey, at least we're reopening there was word that we weren't gonna reopen for like six months remember

Yeah, there was there was it felt like they were we were we were screwed forever So we're at least we're hoping all right. Let's get to our interview with Eric Andre before we do that PFT You got a quick ad I do yes, this interview is brought to you by our new sponsor the hustle I just signed up for this daily newsletter. It's called the hustle. It's daily business news in plain English It's no bullshit. No fluff just the news you should probably know every single morning They write about business. They write about tech. They write about finance. They write about current events I'm reading so many stories in the hustle every single morning. I feel like I'm waking up taking on the day More mentally prepared. I know what everybody else wishes that they knew when I start my day

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You might win a Tesla so there's that too one of the worst parts of your morning is having to go to like six different Destinations to get all your different news from different websites people that you like to read with the hustle saves you time Saves you effort open that sucker up every single morning the hustle dot com slash PMT Enter to win a Tesla at their website and now Eric Andre What's up man, how's it going? Shout out. What's up guys? Recording that's how we should start our interviews. Yeah, just with a reggaeton horn Yeah, we had a reggaeton on our podcast for the first two episodes. Everyone's like, dude

We don't really want to listen to that every four minutes Yeah, but that was a good start it's Eric Andre and he just left he left us Interview in part might take history. Oh, you're back. He's back. So we have Yes, we have Eric Andre on I Think actually a guest that our fans have wanted on for a very long time So we appreciate you joining us. You have a new much you bench I'm actually a bench today. So probably a little less right now because I'm a little sore But yeah, you are noticing our

Squat rack that we have that was see you do five reps. Well, this is we basically put this in as a joke But really we're kind of like closet meat heads. We're like let's just bench while we podcast I don't I don't want excuses. I just want results Okay much you bench So three four fifty four fifty, that's pretty good damn. Um, what are you eating? Strawberries blueberries nice nice tomatoes that Hollywood life Fruit You know Hollywood

You have Your your your Netflix special comes out on Friday legalize everything. No, it's out right now. What do you tell right now? Okay, well, we're gonna run right now. How you talk about so watch this the minute you hear us talking to Eric Andre 10 reps though just for getting that wrong. I Legalize everything though as it is out right now. Shit it says if you actually if you start the show and Netflix at the same Time as this interview it matches up perfectly like he's giving you bonus punchlines to it Like when you're watching dark side of the moon and was it a boss? Yeah, so kind of meta stuff We'll get it into yes, this is beautiful. This is he's about to get his strawberry joke

And Actually, yes, yeah, Hank is our producer and yes, he that does happen all the time. Oh, sorry Have you are you losing your mind in quarantine? Want to see how much alcohol I've purchased. Yes my bar. Oh, I have that same bar cart I think everyone in the world has that. Yeah, well, you got a bar you got on Sky Mall, right? No, actually It's the globe. I don't remember. I've had it for a while We you guys don't mind taking a trip to a flavor town with me, dude

No, I don't know Columbus, Ohio you have a globe that you open up and there's where I was out Did you have you heard that Columbus, Ohio is thinking about changing their name? Yeah, no, I signed the petition. Hell. Yeah, you did So did I started the petition Guy Fieri's a legend Shout out bidders and bottles. That's where I've been ordering all my booze from. It's a San Francisco company They have fucking everything. I live in LA. It gets in it gets to you in like 24 hours Did you just bring your own ad to our podcast? I They don't even know me damn. I've never met them. I am just endorsing

Like a good car. I'm giving a company a shout out proper shout out that deserves it They have been keeping me sane through quarantine through self medicating and Been drinking so yeah, I was gonna say keeping you saying through drinking way too much Yes, exactly. Has your taste in there's no other way Has your taste in booze like evolved over the last three months because you've gotten like you've drank so much that you get bored of certain liquors I'm bored of certain liquors. I get um I'm always chasing new recipes. I got a lot of cocktail cookbooks And I got a juicer, so I've been making my own pineapple juice

Watermelon, yellow pepper juice Do you know when I actually before this interview? I listened to an interview you did and I said to myself while I was listening to I was like, I don't think Eric Andre likes to be interviewed and this is This is exactly what I imagined it would happen like and I like this, but it's not really, you know, I mean I Don't think he likes me interview, which I actually I think appreciate I think he likes having conversation It's free for just doesn't like yeah. Yeah, we won't ask any more questions. Okay, Eric Well now how do we do the interview for now? Oh, I saw you in 2016

Behold it's bitters and bottles. There we go Look at this. I don't even I order so much shit from that. No, I don't even remember what I I'm like, oh, yeah That bottle of bourbon awesome Do you order it while you're drunk? Like do you wait till you get drunk and then you just keep reordering because that would be day No, I actually order more sober. I mean coffee is a drug, so I'm always drinking coffee during the day I actually binge order With my first cup of coffee

And then mellow out when I'm drunk because cocktails can when you start getting into the more complicated ones They become like kind of pain in the ass but uh Yeah, you know what? This is so lame. I don't even have anything cool to show you I got like obscure cherries to mix with drinks because like cherry everything like share a dessert wine That's to ship my grandma drinks But in these like cocktail cookbooks I've been getting they've been using Cherries as like ingredients and they add a little sweetness to the cocktail, but it's still alcohol. They're fucking delicious

Yeah, have you noticed the time that you're getting drunk move up because I think that's probably the side Oh, oh, I'll be cars on the table. I I am coming up to one month of not drinking Because I was drinking every single day and it started like okay after dinner I started drinking and then it was like all right seven o'clock. All right six o'clock I was like five o'clock some or five o'clock no drinks before five and then it was like A margarita with lunch and then and then I was like, okay. I'm turning into bukkowski. I need to fucking I'm gonna take a month off and I was getting fat. I had like a dad bud

So I'm taking a month off. I'm intermittent fasting. I'm gonna work out every single day and then I'm gonna start boozing again So I'm gonna start that's when it's going to be the best is when you start drinking again It's going to be like you're 18 years old and that first beer that you have Oh, yeah, my tolerance is down now. It's gonna be awesome I think you just described everyone's quarantine as well where it's like it started and it was like fuck this I'm getting fat and then it's you know started to get a little warmer. It's like, oh shit. This is bad Like eventually I'm gonna have to go back to society Well, also at first the quarantine was like, ah, it's just gonna be two weeks of quarantine

That's good. It's gonna be a month of quarantine Gonna be two months of quarantine gonna be six months of quarantine It's gonna be like this for the rest of our lives So I think like at first you're like, yeah, if I did do a crush up pills and make cocktails And then you're like, oh shit. This is the new normal. I have to like die You kind of had great timing with this netflix special too because it came out in the middle of quarantine So you feel like you're working and putting something out even though it's already been shot and it's in the tank

So people are like, yeah Yeah, I'm so glad I toured and filmed last year I didn't predict the coronavirus, but thank god that that happened. I was almost there's a time where we were talking about filming this year And I would have been so depressed Thank god I got it over with and thank you. You know, it's just over aligning people are stuck in their house. They have to watch my special Yeah We've been through tiger king five times already. So we gotta watch something new

You also had a serendipitous moment because your cops joke, which you've had for a very long time is in this Netflix special and it's cops just got canceled Dude, it's like the quarantine and the cop apocalypse that's happening right now couldn't have happened at a better time for me It's miserable for everybody else. Yeah, it's like but uh, they're really uh Helping uh by special I love that. I love that idea of everyone's gonna, you know, once we get to the end of december Everyone's gonna be like so long 2020 worst year ever. It's like great year for Eric Andre Yeah

Everybody's and my movie's coming out on netflix too. So it's just uh, it's a good time to be on netflix Yeah, there's descriptions went up 15 million. They're up to like 182 million subscriptions Jesus, do you know, do you know when you're going to get back to work on on the show and in other projects? There's everything just like we're finishing right now season five We finished filming in february right before quarantine started And we're finishing editing right now I deliver the final episode next week and that's going to start airing season five Eric Andre show is going to start airing at the end of the year. So

How much I should get a reposado. I want to shout out El Tesoro. Here we go. What are you trying to do? This is a great great tequila highly recommend the Blanco And the reposado I usually don't get in yeos because they're so good that I just want to sip them neat and it's boring Sipping stuff neat because I like making cocktails, but uh, oh great tequila brand highly recommend This and I recommend What else you show us your whole bar cart? Just take us around the world Tapatio tapatio. This is good underrated tequila

Tapatio and fortaleza. So it's kind of like my three favorites So why are you ordering brand new bottles of liquor if you're not going to drink them? I'm gonna start drinking Saturday. There we go. Oh, nice. Yeah. Yeah, it's the end of my it's the end of my one month sobriety look at that that is I got the cocoa Lopez for the pina coladas. I'm getting into these weird like Fucking yuzu salt like put a margarita rim But don't use a lime use yuzu, which is like a Japanese citrus and put yuzu salt around the rim So are you making these for other people or just yourself?

Yeah, it's me my girlfriend or I'll have a couple of people I'm quarantining So I'll have a couple people over for barbecue. Nice. Well hand sanitize. We'll stay outside and then I'll make cocktails Because I was gonna say it's it's it's always kind of depressing Like if you cook by yourself and then you make it and then you're like, okay Well, it's just me here cocktails by yourself ain't depressing. You you drink that depression right away I got the mezcal with the worm at the bottom of it. Oh, do you drink the worm? It's actually a larva of a moth that lives in the agave plant and it has no

Purpose it's just marketing. It doesn't have any psychedelic qualities. It's just a disgusting larva Do you know what your first drink back is going to be on saturday? Do you have it planned out? I have a list Yes I have a list my my dad's caribbean. I love rum. I have like rum drinking in my blood. So I'm gonna start out with a hurricane Uh, and you know what a hurricane is it's just like um, caruba Where is it? It's Jamaican rum

It's like dark Jamaican rum four ounces two ounce lemon juice two ounce Passion fruit syrup and they made it from New Orleans. It's when um, New Orleans. I think during world war two They were having a hard time getting vodka and and whiskey and all these other spirits They could only get access to rum because there was close to the Caribbean and the Gulf of Mexico So people started making hurricanes. They get you fucked up. So that's my first drink back Then i'm going to do a piña colada Then I have a bunch of

Really esoteric cocktails I found online and in my cocktail cookbook. So i'm gonna like Forge through I made a whole list. I'm just salivating. I find rump rum drunk Is that like volatile drunk that if you can get to the perfect level? It's unbelievable But if you go one too far, you're like, okay, now i'm want to puke in and my stomach hurts really really bad Yeah, I don't know. I could drink rum all day forever makes me so happy. I think it's like ancestral Drinking. Yeah My dad's from Haiti. So like it's just like You know rum is like a slave spirit like the slave molasses was considered

Um, like industrial waste. So the slave masters were just getting rid of the molasses and then the slaves are like Yo, if you just let that shit sit out like six months Fucking drink the juices you get Lit and then the white people started to be like, wait, wait the slaves are getting lit. Let me see that shit Fire We'll put a fake captain on it. Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then pirates started drinking it and shit. So It's just in my blood to drink rum, but I love tequila too. I just like brandy. I can't get it. I tried brandy

I can't get into brandy. What is brandy? Is that just like a sweet whiskey type thing? Brandy is anything That is I could be wrong Wait, don't I knew this don't let me fuck this up It's any spirit you make from fruit. So peach brandy great brandy um so wine regular spirits are made from Sugar or things that produce sugar or like the yeast eats the sugar and poops out alcohol and then the alcohol kills the yeast But brandy is made from fruit like pisco is a great brandy

Hennessy is a cognac cognac region in France that produces brandy. I think that's a great brandy. It could be wrong um It's an experiment from fruit I like what you've done here because you basically became a drunk But you learned about it. So it doesn't feel like it's degenerate Yeah, exactly. Yes. It's genius. Well, you're like genius You're like three more months of quarantine away from starting your own distillery inside your house I mean, I looked into the process of

Distilling liquor. It is the biggest pain in the ass that I would never want to fucking do In the world. It is like manual labor cutting down plants Making them for men putting them in a pot still the wash evaporates the the alcohol gets on the top of this It's a pain in the fucking god bless anybody who wants to do it. It seems miserable. Um, can I ask a A real question about your show Yeah, I also got Cuban cigars. I'm gonna light those up. Oh, nice. Nice. Although we we had to take a few days ago I don't like cigars. I never have gotten into them. I don't know if it's a taste thing like what am I doing wrong?

I think most suck Cuban cigars are awesome. Okay, the issue is they take forever to smoke. So I'll like enjoy it for like half an hour, but I have to like Share it with my girlfriend or something because they're like You're in it for the long haul, right? But like by the halfway point, you're like, oh, shit But Cuban Cuban cigars are they're enjoyable. I don't even swear. I never smoke cigarettes I always think that that why waste the money on a nice cigar when you can just get a black and mild because Nothing will ever beat the value that you get from a black and mild like a wood tip

Maybe the wine flavored black and mild that is the peak of cigars in my opinion Yo, you from these threes dog. Yeah, cuz I just like a good black and mild I don't I don't know what it is for me. It's always more delicious having one of those Swisher sometimes but that can be too sweet Hell yeah country you country country All right, so my real question wasn't about cigars My real question was um as a comedian as someone who's insanely creative

Do you get uh annoyed ever seeing people Kind of jack your style recently whether it be with the video editing that you do The style or do you just not care? Opposite it's the highest form of flattery. Okay, the highest form of flattery I was so broke When I sold my show and so ready to quit comedy. I never thought I would have my own show or my own house or anything that like I am I'm so flattered

by By all that stuff I I'm buddies with matt graining who created the simpsons and he said when The simpsons started it was a huge phenomenon and people started making making those like homemade bark simpson t-shirts and the black bar T-shirts and all that stuff and flocks of verses like should we like stop season to system? He's like no let that ship spread like wildfire people are invested into it He's like I love like the knockoff T-shirts and the fake toy. He would go down to tijuana and get like knockoff bark simpson toys

He's like that's the highest form of flattery and that shows how Invested people this is like 1989 like 1990 91. You know what I mean? Yeah, like you know 30 35 years ago He was like that's the best sign. That's like a positive moment for the show That means that the show is going to be a hit and here we are they're on episode 702 You know and they're worth two billion dollars. So Um, yeah to answer your question. No, I love that. I encourage it. I'm like so glad you can definitely see your You have influenced a lot of people too. Like you can see and I'm important You know, I'm a some of my influences too. I love, you know, like you can tell I I love tom green

I love jackass. I love chappelle show. I love alley g show red and stimpy because of bud head simpsons wonder shows and like I'm just an imagination of my Influences too. So we all we're all you know experiencing the same world That's a good attitude to have like like let people do their knockoff versions because at the end of the day It's just going to remind people of you Yeah, no, I'm I like shout out as long as people aren't like being mean or malicious or well I'm curious about you know, I think like if they're if their intentions are pure then like more power to them

How so that was another question I had was how are you able to that fine line? Because you see it now with everyone trying to get famous on twitter instagram tick tock wherever it may be prank videos Uh, where they just come they fall flat because they're mean or they're you know, you watch it and you're like What the fuck is going on here? Why why this guy just go punch like an old lady and say it's just right, right? So how are you able to find that subtle line? That makes it funny. Well, it's hard. Do you never want to be mean you never wanted to be mean spirited or come from a place of malice You just want it to that's not what a prank is about a prank is about framing absurdity into reality and distorting the truth

until you like Short-circuit somebody's brain you you want you want somebody to be pinwheeling. You don't want them like you know, I'm not Trying to ruin somebody's day ever so When I'm in character or the characters I take on in the show or what we did with the hidden camera prank movie like I'm always My my character is always like going into a situation earnestly Not like ha ha check this out. I'm gonna fuck with this person

Right like the character is usually like a sad sack like I have a bit where I I go in the New York City subway with a neutered dog cone And I have fruit loops glued to like a spandex outfit and I enter the subway We do this for real hitting camera prank and I went to the whole train. I go ladies and gentlemen I have bad news. I did not get the job at fruit loops My body is now your communion. Please eat from me and I pour milk in the dog cone and I'm passing out spoons And fruit loops are flying everywhere milk is flying everywhere But that character is a sad sack that's going through a hard time

He didn't get the job at fruit loops and he's now sacrificing his his body to the people He's not being mean. He earnestly is going through right the melodramatic shit so if you play it earnestly and dramatically and you don't you actually The opposite of comedy is playing the joke you want to like play the drama In the situation and the more dramatic you play something the more funny it is So I think that's the key. You don't want you don't want your like characters to ever be like Nanny nanny boo boo. That's you. I'm hope rock. Right. Have you ever watched uh, uh Hidden camera prank back and been like ooh that didn't that didn't that looks different than how I imagine it that seems mean

Oh, yeah, that's all the time. I mean like you're constantly Rewriting rehearsing Rewriting rehearsing shooting it Revaluating it potentially reshooting it editing it the edit doesn't feel good or a park feels mean You're lifting out of art that felt mean that you didn't mean for it to be mean. So you're constantly Reassessing and refining until it feels funny, but it's a process. It's not it doesn't happen overnight There's another problem with like a lot of like youtube pranksters like they're not like conscious of that in the editing bay

They just like film it they edit it. It's just like you're watching the raw footage and it doesn't feel good You know has it been tougher now that you have a bit of notoriety more people know who you are to have guests on your show That you can genuinely prank or shock while they're getting getting guests. Yeah getting guests in the studio this fifth season was was Challenging, but we just avoid the demographic. We usually Bring in people that are over 40 That's a big thing like not a lot of people over 40 know who the fuck I am And then in the streets, I did like a body change for season five I like picked my head bald. I gained 20 pounds. I spray tanned every day and went in his tanning beds every day

I bleached my teeth And shaved my facial hair. I waxed my pubic hair. I got rid of all my body hurts on my eyebrows so I like I look like um Like a bloated Vin diesel like Vin diesel like takes off between the Fast and the Furious movies and he just starts drinking again He gets all bloated like that's kind of what I that's kind of what I look like for this season And he sings karaoke to himself. Those videos are my favorite Vin diesel when he's why I haven't seen that Oh my god, you got like he just standing. I think it's in his house in front of a big projector Singing karaoke to no one

It's incredible like really sad songs too. He's really good. Yeah, he's making the Fast and the Furious money, dude He's so rich. Yeah, it's Rihanna's stay was the one that I remember was like, wow Vin diesel really He's really letting it letting his heart out there. I don't know. I think he just had a karaoke phase He loves you guys send me those videos. That sounds incredible. All right. Yeah, just shoot me your number. Um Yeah, it's uh, uh, nine one seven Uh, do you how many people if it let's say There's just for just for a round number. Let's say there's a million people

That know Eric Andre, how many of those people know you just because your gifts are unbelievable? And you've become such an integral part of social media now You know, that's I can't even take ownership of that. That's just like those were created by the people I didn't think so. So thank thank god. Whoever made those That's like Right now, so uh, I can't take credit for that. Thank you for whoever's making those Yeah, the the let me in white house the why would you say something so bold and then the, um Shooting Hannibal Burris. Yeah, those are like if those probably are used those are probably top 10 that are gifts used

It's that and maybe Denzel Washington every time someone trends and they're like, oh thought this person died Denzel Washington. No, he didn't Yeah, I don't know. Thank you reddit. Thank every sub reddit I like Thank you people that like the the public has spoken and that's like the uh barts simpson t-shirt of my My work, I guess. Yeah. Yeah Like keeping it going because it took a while to Film the movie and then the movie's gonna come out in april and then quarantine happens and that's coming out on Netflix

So like I had to take three and a half four years off between seasons And then we had to film a special I had a tour of the special so it's been a while since I put anything out So that's why I got a bunch of shit coming out this year. Um, so those memes like kept my career a lot God bless reddit Um and instagram when you were at the rnc in 2016 I was there and I was trying to get up close to alex jones. You somehow got up to him There was like a big he called me up on stage I was being pushed back by the crowd and then he was like bring the daily show guy up here

And I was like, I don't know what daily show he's white sinna Trevor Noah, but thank god he thinks I'm the guy in the daily show He's like bring him up here. What do you want to talk about libtard? You know, he had like info wars.com info wars.gov info wars.com Buy my vitamins prison play to dot tv. I got all the documents. Yeah, we played a doc tv I got the documents. I got the emails right here and they're turning the frogs gay Were you were you a little bit afraid in that scenario because that crowd I'll put it this way. That was not the most welcoming crowd for anybody. It was it was it was actually the

bikers for trump And there was a lot of alt right guys there They hadn't won the election yet. So they weren't as empowered as they are now But it was an open carry state. So a lot of those guys were armed I knew it was terrifying, but I knew I was getting some of the best footage of my career So I was my mind was split. My mind was I'm scared for my life But I'm getting some of the best footage ever

So I just have to commit and then I just like got in the zone when I was up there He's like, you're the guy from the daily show. I was like, I'm not the guy from the daily show I'm from my space. He's like, all right. What do you want to talk about? I was like, here's my hotel key I want you to fuck my wife. He's like, all right hold up now He's like, but what hotel room is she in is Now that I'm thinking about it is is this like the golden age for uh,

Not prank show but like like live man on the street stuff because there's so many crazy people that are emboldened right now I feel like there's so many crazy. It's not the golden age now because the corona virus I don't want to fuck about their shooting pranks. I'm glad that I did the majority of my Filming the movies done filming the specials done filming season five air country shows done filming. Thank god I got all that filming done Before quarantine hit. I know people that were about to go into production or halfway through production That had to shut their shows down and now they're like They're suffering so especially the people that were like just getting their careers started like my heart goes out to them because

They can't film. What can we do? Like I heard some people are like going to fucking Oh, god damn it My oven's broken and sometimes it's on and sometimes it's not on and I was just baking my breakfast I'm trying to intermittent fast and shit. It's the worst It's the worst and also you just end up eating more in the time that you can eat Yeah, it sucks. It's the worst. I don't know why I'm done being a fat. Fuck. I got man boobs It's gross. I got a dad bod. So I'm like, no, I gotta fucking eat vegetables and Sucks so it's a struggle. That sounds awesome though that you got to gain 20 pounds and you got to do it for your job

That must have been just like heaven on earth. It's awesome. But at the same time you start getting depressed But it's awesome eating pizza and peanut butter jelly sandwiches at night Is fucking awesome drinking whatever you want. It's it's awesome. But like after a while you're like I'm like fucking my body up like And then you're like, well, christian bale is like a Psychopath because I like I had to work so hard just to gain 20 and you couldn't really It doesn't even look that much different He gained 60. He's lost 60

The guy's like his heart's gonna pop by the time he's you know, 50 55. It's like It's kind of dark But he's a master. So I had uh one last question Our producer hang sorry to sorry to be fucking. No, you're fine. That's exactly how I figured it was gonna go Uh, the no, you know, I've done so many podcasts. I did press yesterday from 6 30 a.m. To 10 30 p.m Jesus podcast after podcast and I was trying to be polite and not move the Laptop around but then I was like, I gotta eat. I'm fucking starving. All right. So, you know what cancel my last question Let's do it

I want I want to just I want to I want to show you Vin Diesel singing karaoke. Oh, yes, please How do I can we screen what are you doing share? Can you see this or no bring it close to the screen share laptop? I can't see it Hold on. Let me do uh enter full view You can do screen share, can you? No Listen, I can't really see it. Be honest with you He's doing it. He's singing stay by himself just sitting

Yeah, jake put it up next to the Can you hear that This is how we screen share Who's filming him? I don't know. He's he's literally by himself with a big projector screen behind him He's good It's very it's very erotic. Yeah, isn't he like five four? I don't know. Have you ever met Vin Diesel? No, no All right, this interview's over. You should absolutely get Vin Diesel on your show

You don't know Vin Diesel. Fuck you dude. We're sorry When you were doing like 12 hours or however long it interviews does anybody ever try to do your style of interviewing back to you? It's only happened once a few years ago But it was a guy that was a buddy of mine and I was like, all right cut the shit Johnny Let's fucking get down the breast actually one of us has to be the straight man and sure shit. I don't want to be the straight Yeah That'd be tough. That'd be tough. Like some guy just like pulls a gun on you. He's like, ha ha ha ha Get it

Have you ever had a gun pull out a night? We had a knife pulled out on us while we're filming the pranks for the movie me and rel That's suck You bet you ever been arrested Yeah, I got arrested season one of eric andrew show And I got detained season four It's basically the same thing. Wait, what what was uh, but I my lawyers swooped in on that one and got me out All right before I was like going to this precinct to do my mug shots and my lawyer came to the rescue Um, all right, so I do have my last question

Um So hank is a huge fan. He's our producer. He produces when I asked about uh using editing skills Yes He you know, we have a we have a sports gambling show that I think uses some of the same types of zoom ins and everything Right hank. Would that be fair to say can you just ask a question? Ask the question I just want to know what the editing process of the comedy central show was like and like what your process Working with the editor was like and stuff and how many times you had to watch your like I've never been on comedy central

The show's an adult swim. So don't fuck yourself. Sorry. We'll edit that out. Yeah, fucking lazy asshole. He does love um, it's uh, it's very tedious Um, it is not easy editing the show. I'm blessed with incredible incredible editors that are very creative, but we are We are creating a lot of the humor in the editing Um, you never want to like rely on editing to do the joke. You should do your job as a writer and to write to the best of your abilities, but Uh, the editing enhances everything and it is it is crucial. It is crucial to have a good

Is there is there a point last stop of production? So you better like have somebody who's smart gets it, right? Yeah You're good. You had to follow up Is there a point where you guys like go back and forth like we can't we have to stop going back and forth because we've seen It so many times that we don't even know if it's funny or not anymore Yeah, sometimes you get numb to it somebody usually got to put it down But deadlines are everything so like we can't every day the editors on staff were spending a lot of money So, uh, we only have a finite amount of money. So we have to

Commit to a schedule and the pressure of the deadline is actually good And the pressure and the confines of having a limited amount of money is actually like a good thing created So that kind of determines schedule and our process One other thing I like a lot about your your humor is that you are you're not afraid to still pull your dick out sometimes Hey, why can't I see you? Why are you hiding behind the camera? Why can't you just bench? Do like a squat press and look at me in the eye Where I mean, hey, can't bench our student is not really He's got bird arms. Yeah, you can't walk over to the other guys and just bench

Face me mono we mono you don't have to not with a microphone Do you want to do some curls Hank? No, you don't have to you don't have to Hank will do 10 curls for you. Hank come do some curls for Eric Andre He's gonna do 10 curls so you can see what he looks like By the way, everyone should check out Eric Andre's, uh, Netflix Netflix special legalize everything out now You like this you like this pump? I like what I see. Stand your arms all the way down Hank. There you go. Get that deep burn Got the dead cargo shorts rocking the bicep curls got the new balance

This is this are 10 pound weights. This is easily worth two margaritas after this God bless you Hank that was great a dynasty beard looks handsome. Yeah looking good Um, well, this has been awesome weird weird school shooter energy. I like Your last question that was my oh, yeah No, wait, what's the so you say you already said the first drink. What's the last drink on saturday? You know what I could I could tell you I have to find my I texted it I texted my own drink menu. This is how much of an alcohol again. I texted my own drink menu to myself. Let me uh

See if I can pull it up So i'm gonna do a hurricane. I'm gonna do a best year which is a Tiki drink with vodka and blue curacao in it. It's just like hard to make so I want to try it I'm gonna do a piña colada then an agri-cold guava cooler Then this drink was soursop juice, which is this like exotic fruit Then a bunch of obscure drinks. There's no one's ever heard of yellow number two an exposition Uh, a bunch of tiki drinks. I like like making a complicated drink Nice, you're gonna get through drink number three and be like, holy shit. This yeah, I don't know. Fuck me up

I'm not gonna get through the whole menu. Well godspeed. This will be a shitty interview if you die. So don't die I won't die The yeah, the ratings people would definitely run these be like listen to how much Eric Andre was planning on drinking on saturday Do you have any like last words that you'd like like just last thoughts from your brain that you'd like to be known by? Oh god, I don't know Uh, ww Ujd, what would uncle jesse do?

There you go. All right, then we're gonna sell t-shirts that say that yes make a shitload of money off of this all that shit. Yeah, yeah Legally we can Yeah, you just said that earlier You said you have no problem with knockoff merch. Yes This conversation really petered out guys. I'm gonna be honest with you Well, I got falling apart at the seams. I think it peaked when you went and picked up the delivery. That was The first time that's ever happened. So I love we peaked in high school. Yes. Yes. Well, Eric Andre. Thank you so much, man We really thank you guys. I appreciate you. Thanks for having me. I appreciate it. I'll talk to you again. Have a good one

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Visit cross rope comm slash pmt get up to 40 dollars off cross rope sets plus free shipping when you check out today at cross rope dot com Slash pmt. That's pmt Cross rope comm slash pmt cross rope comm slash pmt go check them out. Okay Here he is j cutler and now for something completely different Okay, we now welcome on very good friend of the program recurring guest And the man who has captivated a nation Because of a chicken massacre. It is my quarterback j cutler j What's going on? How you doing bud?

I'm I'm doing great. But we need like did you realize let's start here? Did you realize when you? Started doing instagram stories about the chicken massacre that the world would be like On the edge of their seat for an update on what's going on in your backyard No, I did not and You know, I got well we've had instagram Um, you know, we've dabbled in it. I've never really been in control of it. So I didn't really know They how to do stories was a little Little petrified up to be honest took me a minute to figure out all the buttons and all the little gadgets and all the little things you can do

but I felt like You know how the chicken store needs to get out there Yeah, it looked like a pretty grisly scene back there when you walk into your backyard the first time What was your initial reaction? Well, it's tough to see the the ladies lying dead in the yard like that. So we know heads are gone They're taking their heads off our chickens like it's in the shoe Yeah So, okay, so you go out there you see that and yeah now

I don't want to say that it was unfair what you did but you did accuse the cat What's the cat's name? Thelma Thelma you accuse the cat and I honestly your Your initial instinct makes sense because that cat looked suspect, but what happened next? Yeah I've watched that cat kill squirrels birds. I mean you name it the cat's a savage So I thought hey What's next up the totem pole one of the chickens? Why not?

It's getting bold. It's a buffet for the cat You know, she's just kind and she's kind of cruising around. She never cared in the world So like hey, you probably did this and it would probably be a message to me like hey I run the roost now. It's like no no your cat chill out I feel like if the cat's graduating from animal to animal the move that most cats would make would be to bring the Chicken's body like up to the doorstep as as a gift to you its owner Have you talked to tony cheffler about the predatory behaviors of outdoor cats because I know he's got He's got a real bastard and scouty that'll take down a few mammals. Yes

He does he does and I mean, I know that cat. I mean, I feel like they're all kind of like once you get a good one Like that You know, the the habits are pretty similar. So I mean thelma Thelma's along that breed. Um, she's still young She's still kind of figuring out some things. Um, but I mean She's gonna be an absolute animal here soon. Yeah, so how did you clear the cat? How'd you officially clear delma after uh being a suspect for basically 24 hours after slandering her name? Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah. Well, I had the camera out. She wasn't even close to it

Um, I stayed up late. I got up really early Um, she didn't touch the the dead chicken that left out there. She didn't touch it. She wanted nothing to do with it Um, you know, and then I had a long look in her eyes and I was like, hey I get you you didn't do this. Did you know I mean She said it without saying it I saw that you had that like moment where you gaze in the cat's eyes and you're like, all right You've killed a lot of animals, but you didn't kill these chickens. It's made national news She knows she knows what she knows where the where the lion is right. She's not gonna cross it

I saw that carry underwood offered to adopt the cat in case it was the cat. Is that something that you had considered? Um, well, I mean carry and mike did take one of our roosters one of our small roosters that we had Just because I didn't want any more. So they did take that a while back. So if we had to get rid of the cat I'm sure I'm sure they probably would have taken it Okay, so what's next like where are we onto the owl or do we think it's something else? And have you have you set yourself up to defend these chickens? Well Old blues here And a sidekick the roosters they showed up

So they're here and I mean, I'm about to do another story We're about to take to the tree house and and and I trust old blue But you know first night. I just want to make sure everything's okay. Okay. Who's old blue? It's rooster Okay, and that you think that showed up You're putting your your team in a position to defend the chick You're not pulling a mike martz on your chickens. You're gonna you're gonna go max protect on them. Exactly Wait, we're not we're not just yeah, we're not seven step drop and five five five five protection like we're gonna we're leaving the tight end and

You know, we're gonna chip. We're gonna chip the other defense and others. I was a running back I'm gonna be the entry half. I want I want I want blue to have a successful night I don't I don't want to need to happen on a swatch first night. Yeah, what would that do to his confidence? It's true. If you pull old blue tonight, it's gonna be tough for old blue to rebound So wait, old blue just showed up or you like you had it and you brought it back like how did that work? Blake my chicken guy. Oh, okay. So Blake your chicken guy was like, I got the solution We'll bring in a rooster. He'll defend exactly So he brought an old blue and then on the way over he was like, hey, didn't want to say it

But I caught a sidekick too I was like, well, I didn't even know blue had a sidekick So he showed up old blues this, you know, big old rooster and then his sidekick is this little like Little dwarf that crows every four seconds. Um But I like him. I like him a lot. Oh, what a tag team. They're dinking doing the clown Yeah, if you had to put your money right now on who the culprit is, do you think that it's the owl? Do you think that there's maybe a coyote or hyena or something like that? I mean, I think hyena is a stretch, but you never know. Um

It's I'm saying owl or raccoon Oh, so are you gonna be my guess you're gonna be armed in the in the treehouse, right? Correct. Okay. So you you're ready to go. Um, what do you what are you bringing up there? We're not gun guys, but we want to be gun guys aspiring gun guys You see me shoot you see me shoot a gun you laughed at me when I shot a gun. Yeah, I have Um, well, we've got some uh, we got some we got some uh, bite vision goggles We've got uh infrared scope And uh, it's a 223. So like we're gonna go up there and make sure blues

Blues located. We're going tactical. I can't believe you're you're gonna wear night vision goggles You need to update your instagram all night. You know that Well, I know I mean, I just I'm did this interview with you guys now. I'm about to climb up this treehouse and do this I love it. So I the only other question I had and then we have we have an intern billy football Who was uh, a failed quarterback in division three football this stop billy cat. He's a failed wide receiver Yeah, he's a failed wide receiver in division three football, but he has some questions But before I do that, I have one last question about this There are some people saying and I'm not gonna name names. It might have been me

Had this thought that um, this was all Fake and a ploy because you happen to have Just incredible hair in your instagram story I'll send you a picture of this dead chicken. Okay, but you did have incredible hair. You knew it Did you know it when you did the instagram story? You're like, oh, shit. Of course. He did like this hair It's it's on today All right, this is every day That's just living with it every day. You just wake up and see it

It's a gift. I mean, I can't know you let me do with it Our billy's been chopping out the bit here. I think billy has like numerous suggestions will limit him to two questions Yeah, we apologize for anything billy says Hi, mr. Cutler. Um, I think I think I think I know who the culprit is you said that the chickens had their heads Ripped off. That's something that kills for sport. You got trash pandas Raccoons rip the heads off. So in my suggestion, I'm a new Chicken owner myself. I saw a sign on the side of the road that said chickens five dollars Chicks five dollars. So I got some brahmas and Easter egg. Anyway, uh, I would leave some, uh, cat food out

And I'm I'm a gun guy actual gun guy and I'll just sit out there and wait for the raccoons Your questions are easy to talk I just I just wanted to say you definitely got you definitely got a trash panda problem some raccoons I think you're right. I honestly, I do think you're right All right question two. What do you have? Why are you talking in a southern accent? Actually, I don't even think you asked the question you just said a statement Do you have a question and he also is he's a kid from new york city and he somehow is talking in a southern accent just right now

I don't I don't know why and he has chickens and ars Well, I live outside the city now Okay, but it is but he He lives in york. Yeah, what type of what type of chickens do you have? Um, I've got some browns. I've got some, uh I mean we have now we have like we have We're back up to 15 or 18. I think We've got some uh, some some ice bar. We've got some, uh, some green layers

Who are some Easter eggers? Um, we've got some coppers Uh, I just got a few reds roady reds. Um, uh, Rhode Island reds. That was your question. Yeah. Oh nice. Okay. Yeah, you're out of questions Do you feel good about the questions you asked? I just I'm going for you. Yeah, I feel like you only asked one Yeah, thank you. Thank you for your time. If you were going to ask one last question I would I would offer my support in killing the trash pandas. I've gone to war with them once before Okay, okay, that's not really a question, but thanks, Billy. All right. Well jay Good luck. If everyone wants to follow him. It's if jay had instagram You will be updating with the night vision goggles

Uh, and I'm I'm excited. Yeah in the words of the great marshawn lynch. Take care of your mentals Take care of your bodies. Take care of your chickens. Blast them. Why do you guys let billy talk? Uh, because it's like what what what just happened. It's kind of fun. I got you. Yeah You know, yeah, he just kind of spews whatever's on his mind and it's always ends up somewhere. He's harmless Yeah, huge fan. We do love him. You know, everyone needs a guy in the crew who you kind of you kind of You know Bust his balls, but at the end of the day, we love him. We defend him against anyone. Okay. That's why old blue has a sidekick Yes, he is. Yes. He's the little rooster. Exactly. He's billy. I think I'm gonna name him billy

It'd be an honor Billy the little cock All right, all right. Good much. Thanks, man What's that sound? Thanks for asking big cat. It's canadips new sponsor of part of my take. I've got some news for everyone. It's a little sad Gird your loins I'm retiring from the part of my take podcast to take a new job at canadips cbd as a lipper mixologist I'm sure you guys have heard on the show. There's new dip in town. It's so damn good

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You can even subscribe with their auto ship feature get them sent directly to your door every month. That's c a n n a d i p s cbd Dot com canadips cbd dot com promo code pmt 15 at checkout for 15 off your order All right before we finish up with our documentary review. We got a quick Stadium roast never been done the texas rangers unveiled their new stadium This is unprecedented because usually when we have a shoe roast or a jersey roast It is something that was Decided between you know

20 people at nike and 10 people at the team. They sat in a boardroom group think whatever This stadium Took years to build People watched to get built it had plans and everything and then they unveiled it and closed closed roof It looks like a cheap shed That you buy at home depot to like keep your garbage cans so that the raccoons don't get it instead of having to kill raccoons

It looks like a toolbox that you would see in the back of your most sunburnt neighbor's truck Yeah, that that cheap thin metal It looks like uh, it looks like a grill a Weber grill that can't catch fire in september It's it's uh, it looks like a cheap like one bedroom house In like the florida gulf coast that you know is going to get blown over by a hurricane not even a hurricane a tropical storm Yeah, it looks like a transformer That changes into the sail on tom cruises sailboat and castaway

It looks like a transformer that just changes in like, you know, remember when you'd have the transformers and there'd be one like Shitty ones like this transformer goes from like a garbage truck to a flat bed Like that's what it looks like. Yeah, it goes like it's the most unoriginal transformer possible like hey you you can both haul garbage and Lumber, yeah, it looks like a solar panel for the bottom of the grand canyon It looks like it looks like jerry jones' liver. Yeah now that I think about yeah right next to the end. You know what?

Of course jerry jones did this because it's sitting right next to jerry world. It makes his stadium look amazing. Awesome. Yes, and I just We've got we've gotten a place where it seems like every new stadium should be great Like every new stadium should look awesome the new death star Uh rumba in vegas you could make your jokes, but it's fucking cool looking dude It's awesome from the outside all black reflecting the desert around it. It looks sweet as hell So yeah, so that's ours. That's our stadium roast. I still can't believe they did that incredible just incredible It looks like the underside of a matchbox car that's shaped like a clam There you go. I don't know what that would look you ever turn the matchbox car over and it looks like a clam

Yeah, if there were if one of their models was like oh, we're going to do a clam car clam car The sponge bob. There you go. Yeah, the sponge bob clam car. Um, all right. Let's finish up our show. We got documentary review Who? Hank, this is your documentary, right? Yes magnetic. So full magnetic full send I don't think we could find a documentary that would be More opposite to our lives than this one my first question Like you could even do you could even make the argument that like robert durst the murderer closer closer to our lives We could I would murder someone before

I uh Served a 70 foot wave Yes, truly. Yes, everything in the podcast or everything in the in the documentary was something I would never in a million years do surf an 80 foot wave Ski down a mountain that's never been touched by human feet in pakistan After climbing it brandon dassey is infinitely more relatable to my life than the dudes who are fucking Just hanging out jumping on rocks with their mountain bike the parachute Paragliding down from the highest mountain in new zealand through grand through like crevasses and shit

I in my head. I think I'm gonna do that one day though. No, you're not. No, you're not and then joe rogan's gonna interview you Or not You have to be born with that the the itch the adrenaline. I am I'm just I'm just stuck in this podcasting universe Adrenaline to the inner me wants to be out flying. No You want to play a video game about doing that stuff? You don't actually want to do it I do my like the highest I get in terms of adrenaline Rush is like when I when I play video game when I go live on twitch

And I probably should have taken a shit beforehand Oh, I'm like, can I make it through this mine? It's gonna be when I flush the toilet once and then don't check back afterwards. Yeah, that's my that's my Baby, I mean I I am a guy who doesn't have not to brag, but I don't have a case on my phone And that's fucking I'd like to see one of these fucking losers who's windsurfing and doing all this shit Walk around without a fucking case on your phone. The windsurfing kid was the coolest bro of all time Oh, he was so intimidating. He was like, yeah, I grew up in the wind capital of europe And what and his grandfather invented the windsurf. Yeah

And he was like, yeah, you know, I won a world championship when I was like 16 So I'm just trying to like find something to, you know, keep my mind occupied. You know, we're so cool Remember when John Kerry went windsurfing to be relatable. Oh, yeah, that was awesome. Yes. Uh, everyone loved that the uh, my question So I had the reason I picked this out not necessarily wasn't like a high quality Wasn't the highest quality like documentary, but it was like there's a lot of talking points a lot of things to discuss Which of the first? Discooting the mountain biking Disclute

Which sport could you do you think you could do And survive the longest like if you're going down a surfing wave if you're going skiing if you're winds like None of them. I mean windsurfing probably yeah windsurfing I actually because my take my take was like, I don't think windsurfing is that hard I said core though. I don't think it's that hard. I just fucking hang on I said right here. I think I could kite surf. Yeah, just let the wind do all the work I watched it. I was like, dude, all you gotta do is just let it lift you up and then bring you down Well, yeah, but that's what's dude surfing. You're just holding on and then just that's it

No, it's not 70 foot balance Yeah, I The the videography like the whatever felt I wonder what's the word there drone operating you drone operating I did like I did like that. They put those in the opening credits. I've never seen that drone budget was astronomical Yes, so what I don't understand about this though is like these some of these guys do these things Like like the skier There was out in the french Alps for like 35 days And then he skied down Le Mans

And then that was it and it was like wait with that but that was it like it was just for that one shot of drone Like it's not a competition or anything. I don't That seems like a lot like how does it get to make money? They're instagram advertising There there's no difference between these guys and instagram models that go to famous locations and take pictures of themselves These guys just get a sick like buzz when they do it. That was crazy They just get a nice little stoke whenever they go down the mountain. That was nuts One of my favorite lines from it was i'm not in it for the money I just want enough from sponsors to travel the world and have a good time with my friends. It's like, yeah, that's every

That's literally everyone. Yes, we just all want enough money To hang out chill and travel and have a good time Also, the the guy who went down Le Mans when he started when we we were introduced to him and he was like Yeah, if I didn't find skiing, I'd probably be a criminal. It's like what? Okay So you you definitely like steal from everyone on this crew don't any of these guys have parents They can't have parents. They definitely don't have kids. No, no that guy had a kid He had a baby the guy that was going down the mountain. He had a kid

He fucking FaceTime is wrong with him. Billy. Did you remember that part? Yeah, and he FaceTime the kid was like daddy loves you and then he went down daddy loves you But he has to risk that really didn't watch it. I didn't watch it. All right. What was your favorite part? You're not in the will I like the part with the jet ski how many of those Candidips did you put it a bunch? I think I'm kind of I think I'm kind of feeling a buzz can a buzz. I love it Nice, uh, so let's talk though about the mountain bike bros hilarious that was That almost was um, it kind of reminded me of speaking of office beginnings the parkour

Like michael and dwight just going around being like we like to just bike together and they're just jumping up on rocks Doing an interview. Like it's just so great. We just go everywhere together. It's like, okay This is they were like interesting. They're like the best partner. Yeah, they're like we're constantly evolving Like yeah part about biking is like there's so much uncharted territory rocks you can jump off That's true as a peloton rider. I can confirm that that's By far the best part is smashing the high five button and then getting a high five back They happen to do it in real life when they were going up the mountain and they were just like bouncing from rock to rock that didn't even look like fun

I feel like they got a call and we're like, hey, like netflix wants to do this documentary in there like Really? Yeah, no, they uh, if you want to come film us like Okay, the producer was like, okay, we've got some great footage. It's an hour and a half long We really need to get it to an hour and 45. Do we have a couple bros that just Roll around on their huffies all day? Okay, let's get them in uh to be fair. I think they said they biked something like nine Vertical miles that day. Cool. That's a lot. That's a lot of miles to go up and down Cool. Basically the entire movie was just people going up to high places and then coming back down again

They just a bunch of dudes that love coming down from places. Yeah, so it was a good documentary I I liked it. I mean it wasn't like the most it wasn't there wasn't really much of a story But the actual footage was crazy when I got to the biking part That's when I was I was laughing so hard at the high five that entire one because it was it was like It was like holy shit. I could never do surfing like holy shit. I could never ski down then it was like these guys are just like Prancing around in the fields. Yes open fields like jumping off rocks. Just hanging out Do you think that this is the longest? It was like the don't touch the lava like that's like yes

See if you can see how far you can go without touching the ground I think I was gonna say I'd like to see any of these guys have the balls to compete on don't or the ground Is hot lava. Yeah, my new Oh, no, it's that Netflix. It's Netflix. Yeah, just people trying I saw he was just doing sit-ups like in the air. Yeah, that's just it against serena was that's pretty cool It is good point that actually is perfect People always like why is billy on the podcast? Tell billy to shut up. Don't let billy talk billy runs the podcast and I see all that Might I see all that but we have to understand is billy speaks for

Like the silent majority when we say like gronk's new show looks ridiculous billy's like dude. It was sweet That's who they're marketing to so there you go Do you think that that was the longest the movie magnetic was the longest string of footage ever put together? That was extreme sports that did not have a single red bull logo in it I think it might be yes, which actually it gave me a drunk idea. I feel like red bull should make a male version of What's the stuff that girl personal might all might all no not might all just like douche

A douche bag. Yeah, kind of something like that. So, um, it's such a funny thing that like does anyone ever call a douche bag a douche bag Yeah, it's like an actual douche bag. I literally don't know what that is. I think it's something you just douche red bull should make a person What's it called like personal shower? For guys that you just like rubbed red bull scented stuff on your nuts and you're like I feel awesome now Yeah, you just douche it I don't know. That's it sounds all right remove. So remove mountain biking the equation. You have you have to do one of those sports Which one are you gonna do? You have to do one of those things. I think windsurfing is easy. Yeah windsurfing are the guy on the cdu

that no Fuck that. I just at least I know how to drive that guy's actually no dude That you don't know how to drive it like that those guys are crazy I would just not go up to the wave That those and also I think they're like that those guys were insane. They might have been the most extreme of anyone Have they got no they didn't even get the enjoyment of the ride. They just fucking go off of waves and shit and just fall off their fucking cdu Perfect storm it. I bet you that guy fucking kept his whoop. Yep. He probably held on to it How about the dude at the very end that wiped out got hit by three waves and then got on shore

Got up to the cameras and they asked him about it. He goes. Well, he said the equivalent I think he he's from french Polynesia. Yeah, he said full on which is he's like i'm going full on now So even he still lives a full send lifestyle after almost dying three times. They're all legends. They're all legends All right, that's our show. We'll see everyone monday again Schedule for next week monday wednesday wednesday is going to be an extra long dungeon and dragons Uh, no show friday takies july 6th. So uh, see you monday scott boris monday Dungeons and dragons wednesday. See you then. Let's do a stream podcast Billy. Love you guys Go

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