Pardon My Take - Eric Andre, Jay Cutler, Fyre Fest Of The Week, And Magnetic The Documentary
Episode Date: June 26, 2020Friday vibes running through the studio we spitball some sports and Office ideas. (2:10-12:59) Fyre Fest of the week and Billy might be spreading diseases to us. (14:56-24:52) Comedian Eric Andre join...s the show to talk about his new standup special Legalize Everything, absurd humor, what makes a prank great, and drinking. (26:20-1:01:49) Friend of the program Jay Cutler joins the show to talk about the chicken massacre in his backyard and we name his new rooster. (1:04:10-1:15:40) Segments include stadium roast for the Rangers new stadium (1:18:14-1:21:02) and a documentary review of Magnetic. (1:21:03-1:30:40)You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake
Transcript
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Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify,
or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's part of my take, we have comedian Eric Andre, always funny Eric Andre.
He's got a new Netflix special out called Legalize Everything.
We also have our good friend Jay Cutler on the show to talk about the chicken massacre
that has captivated the nation in his backyard.
We get to the bottom of that.
We have Firefest of the Week.
What's going to happen with sports?
We don't know.
A shoe roast of a stadium, the first ever.
And just some Friday vibes.
Let's just have some good times.
Let's kick back.
Let's enjoy ourselves.
Let's enjoy good company.
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Let's go.
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We're still, you can't beat me.
You can't beat me virus.
We're not, I'm still here.
There's no sports and we're sticking it out.
And it's not gonna happen, but that's okay, you know?
Everyone's, you know, Brooks Kepke's,
Caddy got COVID, golfers are getting COVID,
basketball players, baseball players.
Who's back in the week?
Jay Cutler's chicken's heads are falling off.
Yeah, everything's going wrong, but we're still here.
We're still here, we're still enjoying
our company together.
This is just a word salad.
Our life, just being here.
Just dominating.
Doing things, just being legends.
Just going full send at my desk.
We're just being legends right now.
Here's a, you know what, I'll start here.
I have an idea.
Has anyone, this is a, not even a drunk or high idea,
it was just an idea.
One of those.
One of those regular ideas.
You know what I'm talking about?
A sober idea is actually more of a drunk idea
than a drunk idea is.
People love lists.
Right?
Fact.
People love debating lists.
We got mad at a list on Wednesday.
Now this is probably stupid
because I'm probably going to give it away,
but I think Jake Marsh is good enough
that maybe he and Billy, not really helping,
can do this, or maybe an AWBL can do it.
Has anyone done a list of ranking all of the office intros?
Do you mean the cold opens?
Yes.
All right, number one is, I think the fire
that Dwight starts.
Fire, now I don't really even know.
Now I'm on the spot of my own.
The bat's pretty good.
Kevin's chilly.
Kevin's chilly is number one.
Kevin dropped chilly.
I agree with the fire one.
The fire is awesome.
That was after a Super Bowl too,
if I remember correctly.
Yeah, Michael hits Meredith with his car.
Stanley pushups, I saw the other night,
which is very funny when Michael says,
if anyone can do 25 pushups,
you can leave work right now.
And it takes Stanley like an hour,
but he slowly does it and everyone's like clapping for him.
But we should do that, right?
I have no problem doing that.
I think that's something that hasn't been done,
that like they're all so funny
and we put them all together.
I just wanna watch the office.
Put one in the ear hole.
Jake doesn't watch the office.
Of whoever Netflix is in charge of making the volume
on the office introsong,
so much higher than the rest of the show.
Impossible to fall asleep.
Yes, yes.
Makes it very hard.
I actually had a list.
I started to create in my head the other day.
This is actually sports related.
Now that baseball looks like it's finally coming back,
we need to get out ahead of it and say,
which teams will have the asterisks next to it
if they win this World Series?
Right.
So like Nats, no asterisks.
We'll just say Nats, Cubs, Red Sox.
Those are legit championships.
Met's huge, huge asterisks.
Four?
Four asterisks.
For what?
If they win the World Series.
Yeah.
Oh, just in general?
Yeah.
Well, let's say Rod buys them.
Yeah, that's why I'm kind of asterisks.
I'm waffling on that.
No asterisks yet.
I would throw an asterisks on like,
I would say any random team, like the Rays.
The Rays win it.
Fuck it.
That's an asterisk.
This would be the most Marlins World Series ever to win.
Also, what about the Indians?
The Indians have the longest World Series drought now.
Do you even want to win the World Series
in a 60 game series?
No.
The Indians?
That's also what you said when they were in it
a few years ago.
Like if the Indians are in it this year,
that's going to be bad news for them.
Right.
Yes.
Yes.
Absolutely.
That is absolutely true.
But I, like thinking about it, it would feel,
I was just thinking about this for the Browns too.
Like if there's no fans in the stadium
for the entire NFL season and the Browns win the Super Bowl,
of course, as a Browns fan,
you're going to take it no matter what.
But still, you know, people will be like,
well, they don't have to play in front of any road games.
Yeah.
And it's going to favor the Chargers big time
because all their home games will be less of road games
than they were before.
By the way, we never even talked about the fact
that Hard Knocks is Chargers Rams.
That's so stupid.
Yeah.
Because they don't want to travel.
Well, and also want to stay in LA and not get on airplanes.
They just want to do drone shots of the fucking stadium.
They should.
Wait, you know what?
All those Hard Knocks shots of the stadium
whenever Rich Eisen flies in out of LAX.
All of Hard Knocks this year should just be
via Andrew Siciliano putting his iPhone up to the window
in his 737, his videotaping the construction
as it goes over.
It's just going to be a constant,
I wish Phil Rivers was in this.
Yep.
God damn.
Yeah, I like it.
How dare you.
You know, it'll be great, Phil Rivers.
How dare you do this to us once Blake Bortles
and Phillip Rivers leave town.
Get the three signed Blake.
All right, so who else on the list?
I say that if the Dodgers win and Clayton Kershaw
discovers himself in the playoffs, doesn't count.
Yep.
He's still playoff.
Yep, playoff Kershaw.
Rockies.
Rockies.
Yes, big asterisk.
Because if you put it over a long season,
they probably, their pitchers would have gotten
shelled more, whatever, I don't know, an altitude.
I don't want to say that the Cardinals
should have an asterisk, but I do want to say
that if you're truly the best fans in baseball,
you will agree that they should have an asterisk
in the next season.
So that's on you to self-police on that, St. Louis.
The Brewers.
Yes, I'll give you an asterisk.
Yes, but it's a butthole.
Cardinals, that's just a personal asterisk.
Yankees get one pinstripe.
You get to award pinstripes to one player
if you win this one.
No, they get to, the Yankee fans can say 27 and a half rings.
Okay, I like that.
They can't say 28.
26, 27 and a Cochran.
Yeah, they can't do it.
They can't do it, go all the way.
I'm also nervous about the NBA, by the way.
Feels like everyone's getting coronavirus there, so.
The Orioles counts.
J.R. Smith is back though, hopefully.
J.R. Smith is back.
Yes, the Orioles, I'm going to say that they count
because I will count that as a title for DC, title town.
Okay, there you go,
even though it's totally different city.
Title town.
Right, towns.
Title, what about the Ferris, they're pretty close.
Yeah, if they grease up the light poles,
and as long as nobody climbs up a light pole in Philly,
I'll give it to you.
Did you guys see Magic Johnson's back?
By the way, go download Rob Lowe's new podcast.
He said we'd help out a friend, so he had Chris Pratt.
I think he taped Magic Johnson,
that will be coming up soon.
How great would it be if the Blue Jays won the World Series,
and then they lost the Stanley Cup again?
We should make them count this World Series,
as just rubbing salt in the wound,
if not succeeding at your primary sport.
Yes, so I don't know, what else we got?
I mean, the only other news I saw was Ted Gin said
that Mr. Biscay's going to be the starter
for the Bears in 2020,
which did a double, like, oh no.
And also, yeah, that was the other,
like, oh, I forgot Ted Gin was on the Bears.
They signed Ted Gin and Jimmy Graham,
because Ryan Pace looked at like 2013,
and was like, if we could get this out of these guys,
we'll be unbelievable.
That's actually, Ted Gin is one of those guys,
when the draft came around,
everybody was like, what are the Dolphins doing?
And it turns out he's had a pretty long, solid career.
No, he's fine, yeah, he just, he, he, actually,
He loves sidelines, Ted Gin.
He loves running out of bounds so much,
you should have actually signed him a few years ago
and put him in at running back.
Yes.
So that he didn't stay in bounds and get tackled.
Yeah, Mary and Barbara game, Tebow, Mania.
Ted Gin actually is a victim of his own success.
Like, the reason why he drops open passes
is he's so fast he gets open.
True.
So get a little slower, dude.
Because he's just been around for forever.
Right, right.
Anything else?
Billy, Billy shaved,
he looks like he's fucking 12 years old now.
I looked like 45 before.
Yeah, you just decided to shave it all off
and go back to the Barber shop opened.
I wasn't going to have someone else cut my hair
like who wasn't a professional.
Yeah.
Wait, you've been getting professionals cut
in your hair all the time.
Barbers are professionals.
True.
I just thought it was you.
You're a professional.
True.
Yeah, everyone's a professional at something.
Big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big.
Just being a professional at masturbating.
Could I be a professional bodyguard of you guys?
He's retired from masturbating.
Big Ben hasn't jacked off in years.
What are you guys I was we do our Pittsburgh radio we switch off weeks PFT
And I with our friends at TV and they asked me this morning
How much do you think like do you think big Ben understands what addiction means because it's very hard to believe that a
Quarterback could be addicted to porn and like still be a good quarterback
Do you think big Ben is like I was addicted to porn I jerked off three times a week
Yeah, I think and then we all now have to say that we're addicted to porn. Yeah, I think it's kind of like
We said on on Wednesday show, which is
You're not really an addict if you say that you're a former addict real addicts
Understand that if you're an addict you're an addict for life
Right something that you manage and that you try not to relapse on correct
But it's always going to be in there with big Ben
Yeah, he strikes me as a guy because he was he was speaking at how to be a better man summit
It was like a a giant youth group for grown-ups essentially right that he was talking to you so great
Man up I think well actually that works
Yeah, so big Ben was saying like drawing back to his past experiences how he's improved as a person
That's like you knew a kid back in elementary school or middle school. That was like oh, I'm born again
I decided become a born-again Christian like dude. What are you talking about born again?
I like we play on the same little league team you chew bubblegum you eat ice cream and you go home
that's it right and
They were like well
I was cussing a lot and so I had to ask Jesus for forgiveness and so I think big Ben is just trying to reach out and be like
I've overcome I've overcome my demons of looking at porn hub twice a week
He basically he's diet starts Monday not watching porn starts Monday and then when you start it new
You're like I don't do that stuff anymore big Ben is the youth pastor that sits down
He turns his motorcycle backwards and sits down on it
He's like hey guys. Just let me wrap it you real quick about the evils of smashing that like on on live jasmine cams
Man big Ben. I would love to see big Ben is definitely a fucking
Fat titty fat ass kind of guy. He's straight when it comes to the porn he watched
I feel like you know that big no
He's gotten like the if it leaked what he was searching it would be like juicy
36 quadruple D's fat ass like the James Brown tweet you think I'm gonna look up right now
I think it was a fucking funniest tweet. I don't think it'd be like the James Brown tweet because that involved a personal trainer and working out
I think big Ben is just like strictly BBW sexy little brunette bitch sucking and fucking her personal trainers big cock
Yeah
That would remind him too much of a James Harris video that didn't make the cut
Yeah, I bet you got kids in the car
I bet you big Ben does the thing that you see sometimes in porn where the guy finishes
Where he jerks off with like two fingers and his thumb and that's it. That's oddly specific. Yeah, it freaks me out every time
I've seen it. That's way too sick. What are you doing?
All right, let's get to let's do some firefest and then we were gonna get to Eric Andre
Billy's got a smile on his face like he's got something
Big brewing for firefest. I don't know what I'm worried about that. All right before we get to firefest
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Firefest the week do we want to risk it and start with Billy no risk it no biscuit Billy football
We got he looks like he has something big
Firefest of the week
scabies I would like to bring a little awareness to scabies because
Which this is your firefest. Yeah, and what is that like?
No, I thought I had scabies
So I did got the scabies cream
But then turns out I didn't have scabies and I just had scratches, but skate I had scabies before they're a really bad issue
What are they scabies are like these little mites you catch I caught them digging drainage pipes
But like they sneak up on you and they're super contagious and you might not be digging a drainage dish with someone
You know then you catch them. When did you think you had scabies?
um
He's right now Billy's doing the math like thinking when can I say when I was
So you think you came in his office with the honest Billy. I thought I had scabies on Monday
You when did you get when did you get tested or whatever? So so
Jay's been inching further and further away from you. Yeah, too
If you got to like what looks like bites on your wrists or your ankles and they're close together
That's where the scabies dig in because they only enter one way and exit the other way. So they're tunnelers
They're tunnelers. So I thought this was I thought this was scabies
But really I got this from I'm trying to build a chicken coop, but you need to make sure that if you have scabies
Doctors are not gonna give you the right medication. They're gonna give you the cream
You got to make sure you get the tablets because I'm mad at you that you came in here thinking you had I swear
I I pretty sure it was but I definitely know it isn't because they spread and they so you just think it's like athletes foot or
Something to get your feet, but then it totally spreads your whole body. I've had them
I had them like two years ago
They're mites that literally like burrow into your body
Anyway, some people have them for like years and they you can get rid of them, but they just lurk around you Billy
Billy my firefist is you know
You I was pretty sure I had them, but now I definitely don't so you were pretty sure you had him when you came into this
Office and you also definitely have not gotten tested. No, no, you can't get tested for scabies
Anyway, I hate you the drug that you're gonna want to ask for is you're the worst is also a
Yeah
Like you're talking about a drug that you don't even haven't taken no the drug is so you haven't taken a drug
You haven't tested you just thought you had you need to have them. You don't have them
You don't have anything you want to do
You haven't taken it looks like
Uncle Chaps eyes. Oh, don't say that. That's mean to scabies. Um, you don't want to take permit scabies
There's a pill that you can take. I think it starts with an what have you taken well
I took some ivermectin and you I you got it at the like you can get it like a tractor supply store
She can give the horses if you can't get it from your doctor
They sell it in big tubes like toothpaste gone off the rail anyway
They just you got to make sure the dosage is right for it's like one milligram for any 20 pounds
So you just go to the tractor supply store and get ivermectin if you think you have scabies
What happens if you don't treat them do you they just
Basically like they come back like depending on what you're wearing so in the summer if you have your ankles exposed a lot
They go away. Oh, so now you're now you're slut shaming people. No, you're saying that the there was some elements of provocative
No, if you have scabies just wear less clothes and they'll go away if you're having trouble anyway
Make sure if you have scabies awareness take all your clothes off. Yes. Okay. Good advice and send me pictures to die
No, all right yet again. No Billy yet again. That is your fault
See my firefest is Billy. All right. Delia firefest
So on I think it was it was Tuesday when you were here
We did a like a random host on twitch which is where like you can we talked about it with Nick Merck's actually
So, you know what it is, but big cat was getting off stream and we just I was like big cat pick a random random stream
Whatever will host them and it's it's a funny thing because like they're this guy was playing NHL
He had like 16 viewers all Sunday at 20,000. He freaks out whatever apparently he was playing in an NHL league with like a bunch of friends
One of the kids in that league so I golfed last weekend in Braintree
One of the kids in the league was in the group of people behind me and like this was you know
It's the back nine. I had a few beers a little hot leaf like we're taking it easy
And I got off I got out of the cart took my driver and walked up to the green before even looking like at the distance
I realized there's a par 3 so I put the driver down
Hit my buddy's club left the driver so I had to turn around and go get the driver from them. So
All these people were watching this kid's stream and it was like this kid was like dude
We were playing golf behind Hank and he hit a par 3 for or he had a driver from a par 3
So everyone was just chirping the shit. Okay, though. I do that. Yeah Hank. It sounds like you did hit a driver from par 3
You're still denying. No. No, that's okay with that. I like doing that
I could I I was going home and I got like a tweet being like did you really hit a driver from a par 3 and I had to have like one
Of those like who is watching me moments. I thought how does that how did that get out?
How the fuck did that get out? Yeah, and so big cat accidentally hosted that same guy the guy in the league
Totally by accident a crazy crazy because the guy's told big cat
Hey, no, I I just found him. I found him randomly and he also
The chat just just
Rude his brain. Yeah, yeah, he thought his mic was muted the entire time
Oh, my other figure it out my other foreshadow
I'm either fire fast not foreshadowing or anything to do with the show or anything
But one of my comedic heroes and then big influences that I had school shooter in energy energy when I say that
You never said it wasn't you? Yeah
What is it? Yeah, it's just a just a you'll see and you also do you agree with it?
And you also said he was on commie central when he's an adult swim. I swear. I swear. Yeah
I thought that was the same thing for a long time. Yeah, no cartoon network
That's that see all right. So I probably started the train chain of events. Yeah, but where
When I was growing up the channels it was commie central then adult swim or commie central then
Cartoon Network 6061 so that was a mistake by that was a huge mistake
I didn't know that there were two channels even then
Yeah, but I just they they were the same and they blended in my mind in my mind
That's actually fair when you have them close you didn't know clumps together. Yeah, like VH1 MTV were like 2829
Dude, I'm so I'm actually worried that I'm kind of like I will run the reps
Just to keep in shape on running sports channels like FX TBS also next to each other
They're very they do that on purpose everyone should do that
Everyone make sure you do that once a week once a week
I turn on the TV and I just fire through all the sports channels just to keep my mind sharp on them
Oh, I had to find the golf channel the other week
Yeah, it wasn't like the thousands and I was up in the 30s
You gotta keep your mind sharp guys, and I got that I have spectrum instead of fire us now
I have no idea what channel the red zone is
Mmm. How am I gonna figure that out? Don't worry pride on football shut up
That's that was not even funny. I mean dude people have been saying that to me. That's not what do you want me to do?
Spread it along like scabies my fire
Dammit my firefest of the week is
That now anybody can buy a robot dog for seventy five thousand dollars
And so we are about to enter the age of just privately on podcast
Well, we can yeah, we can buy three after this one Hank can buy a robot dog
Mm-hmm instead of a cat mm-hmm. That'd be pretty sick
So, but I'm just I'm afraid that these robot dogs are gonna be they're gonna fall into the wrong hands
Yeah, the the people rich enough to fucking buy seventy five
It immediately goes to the wrong people
People who literally it's there it's in their benefit to have the robots take over the world and be boss of the robots
Yeah, all of a sudden Michael Vick shows a strong interest in battle bots
Mm-hmm. I think I would buy a robot dog
Just to keep away other robot dogs. Is that how it works?
No, I don't think that's they're not programmed to either be afraid of each other or be
No, when you walk a robot dog past another robot dog did they want to stop and play no
So when they hit the switch to have all the robots come together
You're gonna have a robot in your house and he will turn on you
You know, it's gonna be Jeff Bezos hitting the series or not the series which the Alexa switch
Mm-hmm. We already have robot dog whistles inside all our homes right now, and that's gonna activate them
Fuck that fuck Alexa
All right, my firefest is uh, I just we're opening the office July 6th
By the way, we're gonna have Monday and Wednesday next week shows and then take ease on July 6th
So no show on Friday July 3rd July 3rd
We're opening the office July 6th. I don't like
Being able to speak to people and have like conversations social anxieties through the roof
We had we were in the office yesterday where there's like 30 people and it was just
I don't think I'm used to just being around people. It's weird feeling and
I'm gonna struggle with opening the office back up
We've had this like tight little group of people that are here pretty much just us
It's like our own little club and now we lose it. It's gonna be very strange
But at least you know that when you see somebody for the first time, it's not gonna be a handshake
It's gonna be an elbow or a fist bump. I think it's not even gonna be that
I think it's gonna be an awkward standing away from each other like hey
I'm just looking forward to having somebody I can say oh, it sucks that the gyms aren't open yet, huh?
Haven't got a lift in in forever. Yeah, that's the coolest thing you can be saying right now job
Man, what the fuck gyms are phase four?
Come on. Are they phase four phase four plus. It's an extra phase. What's phase three phase three is?
Doing shots with the boys at bars
Okay, they allowed groups of males in to
Hey, at least we're reopening there was word that we weren't gonna reopen for like six months remember
Yeah, there was there was it felt like they were we were we were screwed forever
So we're at least we're hoping all right. Let's get to our interview with Eric Andre before we do that PFT
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What's up man, how's it going?
Shout out. What's up guys?
Recording that's how we should start our interviews. Yeah, just with a reggaeton horn
Yeah, we had a reggaeton on our podcast for the first two episodes. Everyone's like, dude
We don't really want to listen to that every four minutes
Yeah, but that was a good start it's Eric Andre and he just left he left us
Interview in part might take history. Oh, you're back. He's back. So we have
Yes, we have Eric Andre on I
Think actually a guest that our fans have wanted on for a very long time
So we appreciate you joining us. You have a new much you bench
I'm actually a bench today. So probably a little less right now because I'm a little sore
But yeah, you are noticing our
Squat rack that we have that was see you do five reps. Well, this is we basically put this in as a joke
But really we're kind of like closet meat heads. We're like let's just bench while we podcast
I don't I don't want excuses. I just want results
Okay much you bench
So three four fifty four fifty, that's pretty good damn. Um, what are you eating?
Strawberries blueberries nice nice tomatoes that Hollywood life
Fruit
You know Hollywood
You have
Your your your Netflix special comes out on Friday legalize everything. No, it's out right now. What do you tell right now?
Okay, well, we're gonna run right now. How you talk about so watch this the minute you hear us talking to Eric
Andre 10 reps though just for getting that wrong. I
Legalize everything though as it is out right now. Shit it says if you actually if you start the show and Netflix at the same
Time as this interview it matches up perfectly like he's giving you bonus punchlines to it
Like when you're watching dark side of the moon and was it a boss? Yeah, so kind of meta stuff
We'll get it into yes, this is beautiful. This is he's about to get his strawberry joke
And
Actually, yes, yeah, Hank is our producer and yes, he that does happen all the time. Oh, sorry
Have you are you losing your mind in quarantine?
Want to see how much alcohol I've purchased. Yes my bar. Oh, I have that same bar cart
I think everyone in the world has that. Yeah, well, you got a bar you got on Sky Mall, right?
No, actually
It's the globe. I don't remember. I've had it for a while
We you guys don't mind taking a trip to a flavor town with me, dude
No, I don't know Columbus, Ohio you have a globe that you open up and there's where I was out
Did you have you heard that Columbus, Ohio is thinking about changing their name? Yeah, no, I signed the petition. Hell. Yeah, you did
So did I started the petition
Guy Fieri's a legend
Shout out bidders and bottles. That's where I've been ordering all my booze from. It's a San Francisco company
They have fucking everything. I live in LA. It gets in it gets to you in like 24 hours
Did you just bring your own ad to our podcast? I
They don't even know me damn. I've never met them. I am just endorsing
Like a good car. I'm giving a company a shout out proper shout out that deserves it
They have been keeping me sane through quarantine through self medicating and
Been drinking so yeah, I was gonna say keeping you saying through drinking way too much
Yes, exactly. Has your taste in there's no other way
Has your taste in booze like evolved over the last three months because you've gotten like you've drank so much that you get bored of certain liquors
I'm bored of certain liquors. I get um
I'm always chasing new recipes. I got a lot of cocktail cookbooks
And I got a juicer, so I've been making my own pineapple juice
Watermelon, yellow pepper juice
Do you know when I actually before this interview? I listened to an interview you did and I said to myself while I was listening to
I was like, I don't think Eric Andre likes to be interviewed and this is
This is exactly what I imagined it would happen like and I like this, but it's not really, you know, I mean
I
Don't think he likes me interview, which I actually I think appreciate I think he likes having conversation
It's free for just doesn't like yeah. Yeah, we won't ask any more questions. Okay, Eric
Well now how do we do the interview for now? Oh, I saw you in 2016
Behold it's bitters and bottles. There we go
Look at this. I don't even I order so much shit from that. No, I don't even remember what I I'm like, oh, yeah
That bottle of bourbon awesome
Do you order it while you're drunk?
Like do you wait till you get drunk and then you just keep reordering because that would be day
No, I actually order more sober. I mean coffee is a drug, so I'm always drinking coffee during the day
I actually binge order
With my first cup of coffee
And then mellow out when I'm drunk because cocktails can when you start getting into the more complicated ones
They become like kind of pain in the ass
but uh
Yeah, you know what? This is so lame. I don't even have anything cool to show you
I got like obscure cherries to mix with drinks because like cherry everything like share a dessert wine
That's to ship my grandma drinks
But in these like cocktail cookbooks I've been getting they've been using
Cherries as like ingredients and they add a little sweetness to the cocktail, but it's still alcohol. They're fucking delicious
Yeah, have you noticed the time that you're getting drunk move up because I think that's probably the side
Oh, oh, I'll be cars on the table. I I am coming up to
one month of not drinking
Because I was drinking every single day and it started like okay after dinner
I started drinking and then it was like all right seven o'clock. All right six o'clock
I was like five o'clock some or five o'clock no drinks before five and then it was like
A margarita with lunch and then and then I was like, okay. I'm turning into bukkowski. I need to fucking
I'm gonna take a month off and I was getting fat. I had like a dad bud
So I'm taking a month off. I'm intermittent fasting. I'm gonna work out every single day and then I'm gonna start boozing again
So I'm gonna start that's when it's going to be the best is when you start drinking again
It's going to be like you're 18 years old and that first beer that you have
Oh, yeah, my tolerance is down now. It's gonna be awesome
I think you just described everyone's quarantine as well where it's like it started and it was like fuck this
I'm getting fat and then it's you know started to get a little warmer. It's like, oh shit. This is bad
Like eventually I'm gonna have to go back to society
Well, also at first the quarantine was like, ah, it's just gonna be two weeks of quarantine
That's good. It's gonna be a month of quarantine
Gonna be two months of quarantine gonna be six months of quarantine
It's gonna be like this for the rest of our lives
So I think like at first you're like, yeah, if I did do a crush up pills and make cocktails
And then you're like, oh shit. This is the new normal. I have to like
die
You kind of had great timing with this netflix special too because it came out in the middle of quarantine
So you feel like you're working and putting something out even though it's already been shot and it's in the tank
So people are like, yeah
Yeah, I'm so glad I toured and filmed last year
I didn't predict the coronavirus, but thank god that that happened. I was almost there's a time where we were talking about filming this year
And I would have been so depressed
Thank god
I got it over with and thank you. You know, it's just over aligning people are stuck in their house. They have to watch my special
Yeah
We've been through tiger king five times already. So we gotta watch something new
You also had a serendipitous moment because your cops joke, which you've had for a very long time is in this
Netflix special and it's cops just got canceled
Dude, it's like the quarantine and the cop apocalypse that's happening right now couldn't have happened at a better time for me
It's miserable for everybody else. Yeah, it's like but uh, they're really uh
Helping uh by special
I love that. I love that idea of everyone's gonna, you know, once we get to the end of december
Everyone's gonna be like so long 2020 worst year ever. It's like great year for Eric Andre
Yeah
Everybody's and my movie's coming out on netflix too. So it's just uh, it's a good time to be on netflix
Yeah, there's descriptions went up 15 million. They're up to like 182 million subscriptions
Jesus, do you know, do you know when you're going to get back to work on on the show and in other projects?
There's everything just like we're finishing right now season five
We finished filming in february right before quarantine started
And we're finishing editing right now
I deliver the final episode next week and that's going to start airing season five
Eric Andre show is going to start airing at the end of the year. So
How much I should get a reposado. I want to shout out
El Tesoro. Here we go. What are you trying to do? This is a great great tequila
highly recommend the Blanco
And the reposado I usually don't get in yeos because they're so good that I just want to sip them neat and it's boring
Sipping stuff neat because I like making cocktails, but uh, oh great tequila brand highly recommend
This and I recommend
What else you show us your whole bar cart? Just take us around the world
Tapatio tapatio. This is good underrated tequila
Tapatio and fortaleza. So it's kind of like my three favorites
So why are you ordering brand new bottles of liquor if you're not going to drink them?
I'm gonna start drinking Saturday. There we go. Oh, nice. Yeah. Yeah, it's the end of my it's the end of my one month
sobriety look at that that is
I got the cocoa Lopez for the pina coladas. I'm getting into these weird like
Fucking yuzu salt like put a margarita rim
But don't use a lime use yuzu, which is like a Japanese citrus and put yuzu salt around the rim
So are you making these for other people or just yourself?
Yeah, it's me my girlfriend or I'll have a couple of people I'm quarantining
So I'll have a couple people over for barbecue. Nice. Well hand sanitize. We'll stay outside and then I'll make cocktails
Because I was gonna say it's it's it's always kind of depressing
Like if you cook by yourself and then you make it and then you're like, okay
Well, it's just me here cocktails by yourself ain't depressing. You you drink that depression right
away
I got the mezcal with the worm at the bottom of it. Oh, do you drink the worm?
It's actually a larva of a moth that lives in the agave plant and it has no
Purpose it's just marketing. It doesn't have any psychedelic qualities. It's just a disgusting larva
Do you know what your first drink back is going to be on saturday? Do you have it planned out? I have a list
Yes
I have a list my my dad's caribbean. I love rum. I have like rum drinking in my blood. So I'm gonna start out with a hurricane
Uh, and you know what a hurricane is it's just like
um, caruba
Where is it?
It's Jamaican rum
It's like dark Jamaican rum
four ounces two ounce lemon juice two ounce
Passion fruit syrup and they made it from New Orleans. It's when um, New Orleans. I think during world war two
They were having a hard time getting vodka and and whiskey and all these other spirits
They could only get access to rum because there was close to the Caribbean and the Gulf of Mexico
So people started making hurricanes. They get you fucked up. So that's my first drink back
Then i'm going to do a piña colada
Then I have a bunch of
Really esoteric cocktails I found online and in my cocktail cookbook. So i'm gonna like
Forge through I made a whole list. I'm just salivating. I find rump rum drunk
Is that like volatile drunk that if you can get to the perfect level? It's unbelievable
But if you go one too far, you're like, okay, now i'm want to puke in and my stomach hurts really really bad
Yeah, I don't know. I could drink rum all day forever makes me so happy. I think it's like ancestral
Drinking. Yeah
My dad's from Haiti. So like it's just like
You know rum is like a slave spirit like the slave molasses was considered
Um, like industrial waste. So the slave masters were just getting rid of the molasses and then the slaves are like
Yo, if you just let that shit sit out like six months
Fucking drink the juices you get
Lit and then the white people started to be like, wait, wait the slaves are getting lit. Let me see that shit
Fire
We'll put a fake captain on it. Yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then pirates started drinking it and shit. So
It's just in my blood to drink rum, but I love tequila too. I just like brandy. I can't get it. I tried brandy
I can't get into brandy. What is brandy? Is that just like a sweet whiskey type thing? Brandy is anything
That is I could be wrong
Wait, don't I knew this don't let me fuck this up
It's any spirit you make from fruit. So peach brandy great brandy
um
so wine regular spirits are made from
Sugar or things that produce sugar or like the yeast eats the sugar and poops out alcohol and then the alcohol kills the yeast
But brandy is made from fruit like pisco is a great brandy
Hennessy is a cognac cognac region in France that produces brandy. I think that's a great brandy. It could be wrong
um
It's an experiment from fruit
I like what you've done here because you basically became a drunk
But you learned about it. So it doesn't feel like it's degenerate
Yeah, exactly. Yes. It's genius. Well, you're like genius
You're like three more months of quarantine away from starting your own distillery inside your house
I mean, I looked into the process of
Distilling liquor. It is the biggest pain in the ass that I would never want to fucking do
In the world. It is like manual labor
cutting down plants
Making them for men putting them in a pot still the wash evaporates the the alcohol gets on the top of this
It's a pain in the fucking god bless anybody who wants to do it. It seems miserable. Um, can I ask a
A real question about your show
Yeah, I also got Cuban cigars. I'm gonna light those up. Oh, nice. Nice. Although we we had to take a few days ago
I don't like cigars. I never have gotten into them. I don't know if it's a taste thing like what am I doing wrong?
I think most suck
Cuban cigars are awesome. Okay, the issue is they take forever to smoke. So I'll like enjoy it
for like half an hour, but I have to like
Share it with my girlfriend or something because they're like
You're in it for the long haul, right? But like by the halfway point, you're like, oh, shit
But Cuban Cuban cigars are they're enjoyable. I don't even swear. I never smoke cigarettes
I always think that that why waste the money on a nice cigar when you can just get a black and mild because
Nothing will ever beat the value that you get from a black and mild like a wood tip
Maybe the wine flavored black and mild that is the peak of cigars in my opinion
Yo, you from these threes dog. Yeah, cuz I just like a good black and mild
I don't I don't know what it is for me. It's always more delicious having one of those
Swisher sometimes but that can be too sweet
Hell yeah
country you country country
All right, so my real question wasn't about cigars
My real question was um as a comedian as someone who's insanely creative
Do you get uh annoyed ever seeing people
Kind of jack your style recently whether it be with the video editing that you do
The style or do you just not care?
Opposite it's the highest form of flattery. Okay, the highest form of flattery
I was so broke
When I sold my show and so ready to quit comedy. I never thought I would have my own show or my own house or
anything that like I am
I'm so flattered
by
By all that stuff I
I'm buddies with matt graining who created the simpsons and he said when
The simpsons started it was a huge phenomenon and people started making making those like homemade bark simpson t-shirts and the black bar
T-shirts and all that stuff and flocks of verses like should we like stop season to system?
He's like no let that ship spread like wildfire people are invested into it
He's like I love like the knockoff
T-shirts and the fake toy. He would go down to tijuana and get like knockoff bark simpson toys
He's like that's the highest form of flattery and that shows how
Invested people this is like 1989 like 1990 91. You know what I mean? Yeah, like you know 30 35 years ago
He was like that's the best sign. That's like a positive moment for the show
That means that the show is going to be a hit and here we are they're on episode 702
You know and they're worth two billion dollars. So
Um, yeah to answer your question. No, I love that. I encourage it. I'm like so glad you can definitely see your
You have influenced a lot of people too. Like you can see and I'm important
You know, I'm a some of my influences too. I love, you know, like you can tell I I love tom green
I love jackass. I love chappelle show. I love alley g show
red and stimpy because of bud head simpsons wonder shows and like I'm just
an imagination of my
Influences too. So we all we're all you know experiencing the same world
That's a good attitude to have like like let people do their knockoff versions because at the end of the day
It's just going to remind people of you
Yeah, no, I'm I like shout out as long as people aren't like being mean or malicious or well
I'm curious about you know, I think like if they're if their intentions are pure then like more power to them
How so that was another question I had was how are you able to that fine line?
Because you see it now with everyone trying to get famous on twitter instagram tick tock wherever it may be prank videos
Uh, where they just come they fall flat because they're mean or they're you know, you watch it and you're like
What the fuck is going on here? Why why this guy just go punch like an old lady and say it's just right, right?
So how are you able to find that subtle line?
That makes it funny. Well, it's hard. Do you never want to be mean you never wanted to be mean spirited or come from a place of
malice
You just want it to that's not what a prank is about a prank is about framing absurdity into reality and distorting the truth
until you like
Short-circuit somebody's brain you you want you want somebody to be pinwheeling. You don't want them like
you know, I'm not
Trying to ruin somebody's day ever so
When I'm in character or the characters I take on in the show or what we did with the hidden camera prank movie like
I'm always
My my character is always like going into a situation earnestly
Not like ha ha check this out. I'm gonna fuck with this person
Right like the character is usually like a sad sack like I have a bit where I
I go in the New York City subway with a neutered dog cone
And I have fruit loops glued to like a spandex outfit and I enter the subway
We do this for real hitting camera prank and I went to the whole train. I go ladies and gentlemen
I have bad news. I did not get the job at fruit loops
My body is now your communion. Please eat from me and I pour milk in the dog cone and I'm passing out spoons
And fruit loops are flying everywhere milk is flying everywhere
But that character is a sad sack that's going through a hard time
He didn't get the job at fruit loops and he's now sacrificing his his body to the people
He's not being mean. He earnestly is going through right the melodramatic shit
so if you play it earnestly and dramatically and you don't you actually
The opposite of comedy is playing the joke you want to like play the drama
In the situation and the more dramatic you play something the more funny it is
So I think that's the key. You don't want you don't want your like characters to ever be like
Nanny nanny boo boo. That's you. I'm hope rock. Right. Have you ever watched uh, uh
Hidden camera prank back and been like ooh that didn't that didn't that looks different than how I imagine it that seems mean
Oh, yeah, that's all the time. I mean like you're constantly
Rewriting rehearsing
Rewriting rehearsing
shooting it
Revaluating it potentially reshooting it editing it the edit doesn't feel good or a park feels mean
You're lifting out of art that felt mean that you didn't mean for it to be mean. So you're constantly
Reassessing and refining until it feels funny, but it's a process. It's not it doesn't happen overnight
There's another problem with like a lot of like youtube pranksters like they're not like conscious of that in the editing bay
They just like film it they edit it. It's just like you're watching the raw footage and it doesn't feel good
You know has it been tougher now that you have a bit of notoriety more people know who you are to have guests on your show
That you can genuinely prank or shock while they're getting getting guests. Yeah getting guests in the studio this fifth season was was
Challenging, but we just avoid the demographic. We usually
Bring in people that are over 40
That's a big thing like not a lot of people over 40 know who the fuck I am
And then in the streets, I did like a body change for season five
I like picked my head bald. I gained 20 pounds. I spray tanned every day and went in his tanning beds every day
I bleached my teeth
And shaved my facial hair. I waxed my pubic hair. I got rid of all my body hurts on my eyebrows
so I like I look like um
Like a bloated Vin diesel like Vin diesel like takes off between the Fast and the Furious movies and he just starts drinking again
He gets all bloated like that's kind of what I that's kind of what I look like for this season
And he sings karaoke to himself. Those videos are my favorite Vin diesel when he's why I haven't seen that
Oh my god, you got like he just standing. I think it's in his house in front of a big projector
Singing karaoke to no one
It's incredible like really sad songs too. He's really good. Yeah, he's making the Fast and the Furious money, dude
He's so rich. Yeah, it's
Rihanna's stay was the one that I remember was like, wow Vin diesel really
He's really letting it letting his heart out there. I don't know. I think he just had a karaoke phase
He loves you guys send me those videos. That sounds incredible. All right. Yeah, just shoot me your number. Um
Yeah, it's uh, uh, nine one seven
Uh, do you how many people if it let's say
There's just for just for a round number. Let's say there's a million people
That know Eric Andre, how many of those people know you just because your gifts are unbelievable?
And you've become such an integral part of social media now
You know, that's I can't even take ownership of that. That's just like those were created by the people
I didn't think so. So thank thank god. Whoever made those
That's like
Right now, so uh, I can't take credit for that. Thank you for whoever's making those
Yeah, the the let me in white house the why would you say something so bold and then the, um
Shooting Hannibal Burris. Yeah, those are like if those probably are used those are probably top 10 that are gifts used
It's that and maybe Denzel Washington every time someone trends and they're like, oh thought this person died
Denzel Washington. No, he didn't
Yeah, I don't know. Thank you reddit. Thank every sub reddit
I like
Thank you people that like the the public has spoken and that's like the uh barts simpson t-shirt of my
My work, I guess. Yeah. Yeah
Like keeping it going because it took a while to
Film the movie and then the movie's gonna come out in april and then quarantine happens and that's coming out on Netflix
So like I had to take three and a half four years off between seasons
And then we had to film a special I had a tour of the special so it's been a while since I put anything out
So that's why I got a bunch of shit coming out this year. Um, so those memes like kept my career a lot
God bless reddit
Um and instagram when you were at the rnc in 2016
I was there and I was trying to get up close to alex jones. You somehow got up to him
There was like a big he called me up on stage
I was being pushed back by the crowd and then he was like bring the daily show guy up here
And I was like, I don't know what daily show he's white sinna
Trevor Noah, but thank god he thinks I'm the guy in the daily show
He's like bring him up here. What do you want to talk about libtard? You know, he had like
info wars.com info wars.gov info wars.com
Buy my vitamins prison play to dot tv. I got all the documents. Yeah, we played a doc tv
I got the documents. I got the emails right here and they're turning the frogs gay
Were you were you a little bit afraid in that scenario because that crowd
I'll put it this way. That was not the most welcoming crowd for anybody. It was it was it was actually the
bikers for trump
And there was a lot of alt right guys there
They hadn't won the election yet. So they weren't as empowered as they are now
But it was an open carry state. So a lot of those guys were armed
I knew it was terrifying, but I knew I was getting some of the best footage of my career
So I was my mind was split. My mind was
I'm scared for my life
But I'm getting some of the best footage ever
So I just have to commit and then I just like got in the zone when I was up there
He's like, you're the guy from the daily show. I was like, I'm not the guy from the daily show
I'm from my space. He's like, all right. What do you want to talk about? I was like, here's my hotel key
I want you to fuck my wife. He's like, all right
hold up now
He's like, but what hotel room is she in
is
Now that I'm thinking about it is is this like the golden age for uh,
Not prank show but like like live man on the street stuff because there's so many crazy people that are emboldened right now
I feel like there's so many crazy. It's not the golden age now because the corona virus
I don't want to fuck about their shooting pranks. I'm glad that I did the majority of my
Filming the movies done filming the specials done filming season five air country shows done filming. Thank god
I got all that filming done
Before quarantine hit. I know people that were about to go into production or halfway through production
That had to shut their shows down and now they're like
They're suffering so especially the people that were like just getting their careers started like my heart goes out to them because
They can't film. What can we do? Like I heard some people are like going to fucking
Oh, god damn it
My oven's broken and sometimes it's on and sometimes it's not on and I was just baking my breakfast
I'm trying to intermittent fast and shit. It's the worst
It's the worst and also you just end up eating more in the time that you can eat
Yeah, it sucks. It's the worst. I don't know why I'm done being a fat. Fuck. I got man boobs
It's gross. I got a dad bod. So I'm like, no, I gotta fucking eat vegetables and
Sucks so it's a struggle. That sounds awesome though that you got to gain 20 pounds and you got to do it for your job
That must have been just like heaven on earth. It's awesome. But at the same time you start getting depressed
But it's awesome eating pizza and peanut butter jelly sandwiches at night
Is fucking awesome drinking whatever you want. It's it's awesome. But like after a while you're like
I'm like fucking my body up like
And then you're like, well, christian bale is like a
Psychopath because I like I had to work so hard just to gain 20 and you couldn't really
It doesn't even look that much different
He gained 60. He's lost 60
The guy's like his heart's gonna pop by the time he's you know, 50 55. It's like
It's kind of dark
But he's a master. So I had uh one last question
Our producer hang sorry to sorry to be fucking. No, you're fine. That's exactly how I figured it was gonna go
Uh, the no, you know, I've done so many podcasts. I did press yesterday from 6 30 a.m. To 10 30 p.m
Jesus podcast after podcast and I was trying to be polite and not move the
Laptop around but then I was like, I gotta eat. I'm fucking starving. All right. So, you know what cancel my last question
Let's do it
I want I want to just I want to I want to show you Vin Diesel singing karaoke. Oh, yes, please
How do I can we screen what are you doing share? Can you see this or no bring it close to the screen share laptop?
I can't see it
Hold on. Let me do uh enter full view
You can do screen share, can you?
No
Listen, I can't really see it. Be honest with you
He's doing it. He's singing stay by himself just sitting
Yeah, jake put it up next to the
Can you hear that
This is how we screen share
Who's filming him? I don't know. He's he's literally by himself with a big projector screen behind him
He's good
It's very it's very erotic. Yeah, isn't he like five four? I don't know. Have you ever met Vin Diesel?
No, no
All right, this interview's over. You should absolutely get Vin Diesel on your show
You don't know Vin Diesel. Fuck you dude. We're sorry
When you were doing like 12 hours or however long it interviews does anybody ever try to do your style of interviewing back to you?
It's only happened once a few years ago
But it was a guy that was a buddy of mine and I was like, all right cut the shit Johnny
Let's fucking get down the breast actually one of us has to be the straight man and sure shit. I don't want to be the straight
Yeah
That'd be tough. That'd be tough. Like some guy just like pulls a gun on you. He's like, ha ha ha ha
Get it
Have you ever had a gun pull out a night? We had a knife pulled out on us while we're filming the pranks for the movie me and rel
That's suck
You bet you ever been arrested
Yeah, I got arrested season one of eric andrew show
And I got detained season four
It's basically the same thing. Wait, what what was uh, but I my lawyers swooped in on that one and got me out
All right before I was like going to this precinct to do my mug shots and my lawyer came to the rescue
Um, all right, so I do have my last question
Um
So hank is a huge fan. He's our producer. He produces when I asked about uh using editing skills
Yes
He you know, we have a we have a sports gambling show that I think uses some of the same types of zoom ins and everything
Right hank. Would that be fair to say can you just ask a question?
Ask the question
I just want to know what the editing process of the comedy central show was like and like what your process
Working with the editor was like and stuff and how many times you had to watch your like I've never been on comedy central
The show's an adult swim. So don't fuck yourself. Sorry. We'll edit that out. Yeah, fucking lazy asshole. He does love
um, it's uh, it's very tedious
Um, it is not easy editing the show. I'm blessed with
incredible incredible editors that are very creative, but we are
We are creating a lot of the humor in the editing
Um, you never want to like rely on editing to do the joke. You should do your job as a writer and
to write to the best of your abilities, but
Uh, the editing enhances everything and it is it is crucial. It is crucial to have a good
Is there is there a point last stop of production?
So you better like have somebody who's smart gets it, right? Yeah
You're good. You had to follow up
Is there a point where you guys like go back and forth like we can't we have to stop going back and forth because we've seen
It so many times that we don't even know if it's funny or not anymore
Yeah, sometimes you get numb to it somebody usually got to put it down
But deadlines are everything so like we can't every day the editors on staff were spending a lot of money
So, uh, we only have a finite amount of money. So we have to
Commit to a schedule and the pressure of the deadline is actually good
And the pressure and the confines of having a limited amount of money is actually like a good thing created
So that kind of determines schedule and our process
One other thing I like a lot about your your humor is that you are you're not afraid to still pull your dick out sometimes
Hey, why can't I see you? Why are you hiding behind the camera? Why can't you just bench?
Do like a squat press and look at me in the eye
Where I mean, hey, can't bench our student is not really
He's got bird arms. Yeah, you can't walk over to the other guys and just bench
Face me mono we mono you don't have to not with a microphone
Do you want to do some curls Hank? No, you don't have to you don't have to
Hank will do 10 curls for you. Hank come do some curls for Eric Andre
He's gonna do 10 curls so you can see what he looks like
By the way, everyone should check out Eric Andre's, uh, Netflix Netflix special legalize everything out now
You like this you like this pump?
I like what I see. Stand your arms all the way down Hank. There you go. Get that deep burn
Got the dead cargo shorts rocking the bicep curls got the new balance
This is this are 10 pound weights. This is easily worth two margaritas after this
God bless you
Hank that was great a dynasty beard looks handsome. Yeah looking good
Um, well, this has been awesome weird weird school shooter energy. I like
Your last question that was my oh, yeah
No, wait, what's the so you say you already said the first drink. What's the last drink on saturday?
You know what I could I could tell you I have to find my I texted it
I texted my own drink menu. This is how much of an alcohol again. I texted my own drink menu to myself. Let me uh
See if I can pull it up
So i'm gonna do a hurricane. I'm gonna do a best year which is a
Tiki drink with vodka and blue curacao in it. It's just like hard to make so I want to try it
I'm gonna do a piña colada then an agri-cold guava cooler
Then this drink was soursop juice, which is this like exotic fruit
Then a bunch of obscure drinks. There's no one's ever heard of yellow number two an exposition
Uh, a bunch of tiki drinks. I like like making a complicated drink
Nice, you're gonna get through drink number three and be like, holy shit. This yeah, I don't know. Fuck me up
I'm not gonna get through the whole menu. Well godspeed. This will be a shitty interview if you die. So don't die
I won't die
The yeah, the ratings people would definitely run these be like listen to how much Eric
Andre was planning on drinking on saturday
Do you have any like last words that you'd like like just last thoughts from your brain that you'd like to be known by?
Oh god, I don't know
Uh, ww
Ujd, what would uncle jesse do?
There you go. All right, then we're gonna sell t-shirts that say that yes make a shitload of money off of this all that shit. Yeah, yeah
Legally we can
Yeah, you just said that earlier
You said you have no problem with knockoff merch. Yes
This conversation really petered out guys. I'm gonna be honest with you
Well, I got falling apart at the seams. I think it peaked when you went and picked up the delivery. That was
The first time that's ever happened. So I love we peaked in high school. Yes. Yes. Well, Eric Andre. Thank you so much, man
We really thank you guys. I appreciate you. Thanks for having me. I appreciate it. I'll talk to you again. Have a good one
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Here he is j cutler and now for something completely different
Okay, we now welcome on very good friend of the program recurring guest
And the man who has captivated a nation
Because of a chicken massacre. It is my quarterback j cutler j
What's going on? How you doing bud?
I'm I'm doing great. But we need like did you realize let's start here? Did you realize when you?
Started doing instagram stories about the chicken massacre that the world would be like
On the edge of their seat for an update on what's going on in your backyard
No, I did not and
You know, I got well we've had instagram
Um, you know, we've dabbled in it. I've never really been in control of it. So I didn't really know
They how to do stories was a little
Little petrified up to be honest took me a minute to figure out all the buttons and all the little gadgets and all the little things you can do
but I felt like
You know how the chicken store needs to get out there
Yeah, it looked like a pretty grisly scene back there when you walk into your backyard the first time
What was your initial reaction? Well, it's tough to see the the ladies
lying dead in the yard like that. So we know heads are gone
They're taking their heads off our chickens like it's in the shoe
Yeah
So, okay, so you go out there you see that and yeah now
I don't want to say that it was unfair what you did but you did
accuse the cat
What's the cat's name?
Thelma Thelma you accuse the cat and I honestly your
Your initial instinct makes sense because that cat looked suspect, but what happened next? Yeah
I've watched that cat kill squirrels birds. I mean you name it the cat's a savage
So I thought hey
What's next up the totem pole one of the chickens? Why not?
It's getting bold. It's a buffet for the cat
You know, she's just kind and she's kind of cruising around. She never cared in the world
So like hey, you probably did this and it would probably be a message to me like hey
I run the roost now. It's like no no your cat chill out
I feel like if the cat's graduating from animal to animal the move that most cats would make would be to bring the
Chicken's body like up to the doorstep as as a gift to you its owner
Have you talked to tony cheffler about the predatory behaviors of outdoor cats because I know he's got
He's got a real bastard and scouty that'll take down a few mammals. Yes
He does he does and I mean, I know that cat. I mean, I feel like they're all kind of like once you get a good one
Like that
You know, the the habits are pretty similar. So I mean thelma
Thelma's along that breed. Um, she's still young
She's still kind of figuring out some things. Um, but I mean
She's gonna be an absolute animal here soon. Yeah, so how did you clear the cat?
How'd you officially clear delma after uh being a suspect for basically 24 hours after slandering her name? Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah. Well, I had the camera out. She wasn't even close to it
Um, I stayed up late. I got up really early
Um, she didn't touch the the dead chicken that left out there. She didn't touch it. She wanted nothing to do with it
Um, you know, and then I had a long look in her eyes and I was like, hey
I get you you didn't do this. Did you know I mean
She said it without saying it
I saw that you had that like moment where you gaze in the cat's eyes and you're like, all right
You've killed a lot of animals, but you didn't kill these chickens. It's made national news
She knows she knows what she knows where the where the lion is right. She's not gonna cross it
I saw that carry underwood offered to adopt the cat in case it was the cat. Is that something that you had considered?
Um, well, I mean carry and mike did take one of our roosters one of our small roosters that we had
Just because I didn't want any more. So they did take that a while back. So if we had to get rid of the cat
I'm sure I'm sure they probably would have taken it
Okay, so what's next like where are we onto the owl or do we think it's something else?
And have you have you set yourself up to defend these chickens? Well
Old blues here
And a sidekick the roosters they showed up
So they're here and I mean, I'm about to do another story
We're about to take to the tree house and and and I trust old blue
But you know first night. I just want to make sure everything's okay. Okay. Who's old blue? It's rooster
Okay, and that you think that showed up
You're putting your your team in a position to defend the chick
You're not pulling a mike martz on your chickens. You're gonna you're gonna go max protect on them. Exactly
Wait, we're not we're not just yeah, we're not seven step drop and five five five five protection
like we're gonna we're leaving the tight end and
You know, we're gonna chip. We're gonna chip the other defense and others. I was a running back
I'm gonna be the entry half. I want I want I want blue to have a successful night
I don't I don't want to need to happen on a swatch first night. Yeah, what would that do to his confidence?
It's true. If you pull old blue tonight, it's gonna be tough for old blue to rebound
So wait, old blue just showed up or you like you had it and you brought it back like how did that work?
Blake my chicken guy. Oh, okay. So Blake your chicken guy was like, I got the solution
We'll bring in a rooster. He'll defend exactly
So he brought an old blue and then on the way over he was like, hey, didn't want to say it
But I caught a sidekick too
I was like, well, I didn't even know blue had a sidekick
So he showed up old blues this, you know, big old rooster and then his sidekick is this little like
Little dwarf that crows every four seconds. Um
But I like him. I like him a lot. Oh, what a tag team. They're dinking doing the clown
Yeah, if you had to put your money right now on who the culprit is, do you think that it's the owl?
Do you think that there's maybe a coyote or hyena or something like that?
I mean, I think hyena is a stretch, but you never know. Um
It's I'm saying owl or raccoon
Oh, so are you gonna be my guess you're gonna be armed in the in the treehouse, right?
Correct. Okay. So you you're ready to go. Um, what do you what are you bringing up there?
We're not gun guys, but we want to be gun guys aspiring gun guys
You see me shoot you see me shoot a gun you laughed at me when I shot a gun. Yeah, I have
Um, well, we've got some uh, we got some we got some uh, bite vision goggles
We've got uh infrared scope
And uh, it's a 223. So like we're gonna go up there and make sure blues
Blues located. We're going tactical. I can't believe you're you're gonna wear night vision goggles
You need to update your instagram all night. You know that
Well, I know I mean, I just I'm did this interview with you guys now. I'm about to climb up this treehouse and do this
I love it. So I the only other question I had and then we have we have an intern billy football
Who was uh, a failed quarterback in division three football this stop billy cat. He's a failed wide receiver
Yeah, he's a failed wide receiver in division three football, but he has some questions
But before I do that, I have one last question about this
There are some people saying and I'm not gonna name names. It might have been me
Had this thought that um, this was all
Fake and a ploy because you happen to have
Just incredible hair in your instagram story
I'll send you a picture of this dead chicken. Okay, but you did have incredible hair. You knew it
Did you know it when you did the instagram story? You're like, oh, shit. Of course. He did like this hair
It's it's on today
All right, this is every day
That's just living with it every day. You just wake up and see it
It's a gift. I mean, I can't know you let me do with it
Our billy's been chopping out the bit here. I think billy has like numerous suggestions will limit him to two questions
Yeah, we apologize for anything billy says
Hi, mr. Cutler. Um, I think I think I think I know who the culprit is you said that the chickens had their heads
Ripped off. That's something that kills for sport. You got trash pandas
Raccoons rip the heads off. So in my suggestion, I'm a new
Chicken owner myself. I saw a sign on the side of the road that said chickens five dollars
Chicks five dollars. So I got some brahmas and Easter egg. Anyway, uh, I would leave some, uh, cat food out
And I'm I'm a gun guy
actual gun guy and I'll just sit out there and wait for the raccoons
Your questions are easy to talk
I just I just wanted to say you definitely got you definitely got a trash panda problem some raccoons
I think you're right. I honestly, I do think you're right
All right question two. What do you have? Why are you talking in a southern accent?
Actually, I don't even think you asked the question you just said a statement
Do you have a question and he also is he's a kid from new york city and he somehow is talking in a southern accent just right now
I don't I don't know why and he has chickens and ars
Well, I live outside the city now
Okay, but it is but he
He lives in york. Yeah, what type of what type of chickens do you have?
Um, I've got some browns. I've got some, uh
I mean we have now we have like we have
We're back up to 15 or 18. I think
We've got some uh, some some ice bar. We've got some, uh, some green layers
Who are some Easter eggers? Um, we've got some coppers
Uh, I just got a few reds roady reds. Um, uh, Rhode Island reds. That was your question. Yeah. Oh nice. Okay. Yeah, you're out of questions
Do you feel good about the questions you asked? I just I'm going for you. Yeah, I feel like you only asked one
Yeah, thank you. Thank you for your time. If you were going to ask one last question
I would I would offer my support in killing the trash pandas. I've gone to war with them once before
Okay, okay, that's not really a question, but thanks, Billy. All right. Well jay
Good luck. If everyone wants to follow him. It's if jay had instagram
You will be updating with the night vision goggles
Uh, and I'm I'm excited. Yeah in the words of the great marshawn lynch. Take care of your mentals
Take care of your bodies. Take care of your chickens. Blast them. Why do you guys let billy talk?
Uh, because it's like what what what just happened. It's kind of fun. I got you. Yeah
You know, yeah, he just kind of spews whatever's on his mind and it's always ends up somewhere. He's harmless
Yeah, huge fan. We do love him. You know, everyone needs a guy in the crew who you kind of you kind of
You know
Bust his balls, but at the end of the day, we love him. We defend him against anyone. Okay. That's why old blue has a sidekick
Yes, he is. Yes. He's the little rooster. Exactly. He's billy. I think I'm gonna name him billy
It'd be an honor
Billy the little cock
All right, all right. Good much. Thanks, man
What's that sound?
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All right before we finish up with our documentary review. We got a quick
Stadium roast never been done the texas rangers unveiled their new stadium
This is unprecedented because usually when we have a shoe roast or a jersey roast
It is something that was
Decided between you know
20 people at nike and 10 people at the team. They sat in a boardroom group think whatever
This stadium
Took years to build
People watched to get built it had plans and everything and then they unveiled it and closed closed roof
It looks like
a cheap
shed
That you buy at home depot to like keep your garbage cans so that the raccoons don't get it instead of having to kill raccoons
It looks like a toolbox that you would see in the back of your most sunburnt neighbor's truck
Yeah, that that cheap thin metal
It looks like uh, it looks like a grill a Weber grill that can't catch fire in september
It's it's uh, it looks like a cheap like one bedroom
house
In like the florida gulf coast that you know is going to get blown over by a hurricane not even a hurricane a tropical storm
Yeah, it looks like a transformer
That changes into the sail on tom cruises sailboat and castaway
It looks like a transformer that just changes in like, you know, remember when you'd have the transformers and there'd be one like
Shitty ones like this transformer goes from like a garbage truck to a flat bed
Like that's what it looks like. Yeah, it goes like it's the most unoriginal transformer possible like hey you you can both haul
garbage
and
Lumber, yeah, it looks like a solar panel
for the bottom of the grand canyon
It looks like it looks like jerry jones' liver. Yeah now that I think about yeah right next to the end. You know what?
Of course jerry jones did this because it's sitting right next to jerry world. It makes his stadium look amazing. Awesome. Yes, and I just
We've got we've gotten a place where it seems like every new stadium should be great
Like every new stadium should look awesome the new death star
Uh rumba in vegas you could make your jokes, but it's fucking cool looking dude
It's awesome from the outside all black reflecting the desert around it. It looks sweet as hell
So yeah, so that's ours. That's our stadium roast. I still can't believe they did that incredible just incredible
It looks like the underside of a matchbox car that's shaped like a clam
There you go. I don't know what that would look you ever turn the matchbox car over and it looks like a clam
Yeah, if there were if one of their models was like oh, we're going to do a clam car clam car
The sponge bob. There you go. Yeah, the sponge bob clam car. Um, all right. Let's finish up our show. We got documentary review
Who?
Hank, this is your documentary, right? Yes magnetic. So full magnetic full send
I don't think we could find a documentary that would be
More opposite to our lives than this one my first question
Like you could even do you could even make the argument that like robert durst the murderer closer closer to our lives
We could I would murder someone before
I uh
Served a 70 foot wave
Yes, truly. Yes, everything in the podcast or everything in the in the documentary was something I would never in a million years do
surf an 80 foot wave
Ski down a mountain that's never been touched by human feet in pakistan
After climbing it brandon dassey is infinitely more relatable to my life than the dudes who are fucking
Just hanging out jumping on rocks with their mountain bike the parachute
Paragliding down from the highest mountain in new zealand through grand through like crevasses and shit
I in my head. I think I'm gonna do that one day though. No, you're not. No, you're not and then joe rogan's gonna interview you
Or not
You have to be born with that the the itch the adrenaline. I am
I'm just I'm just stuck in this podcasting universe
Adrenaline to the inner me wants to be out flying. No
You want to play a video game about doing that stuff? You don't actually want to do it
I do my like the highest I get in terms of adrenaline
Rush is like when I when I play video game when I go live on twitch
And I probably should have taken a shit beforehand
Oh, I'm like, can I make it through this mine?
It's gonna be when I flush the toilet once and then don't check back afterwards. Yeah, that's my that's my
Baby, I mean I I am a guy who doesn't have not to brag, but I don't have a case on my phone
And that's fucking I'd like to see one of these fucking losers who's windsurfing and doing all this shit
Walk around without a fucking case on your phone. The windsurfing kid was the coolest bro of all time
Oh, he was so intimidating. He was like, yeah, I grew up in the wind capital of europe
And what and his grandfather invented the windsurf. Yeah
And he was like, yeah, you know, I won a world championship when I was like 16
So I'm just trying to like find something to, you know, keep my mind occupied. You know, we're so cool
Remember when John Kerry went windsurfing to be relatable. Oh, yeah, that was awesome. Yes. Uh, everyone loved that the uh, my question
So I had the reason I picked this out not necessarily wasn't like a high quality
Wasn't the highest quality like documentary, but it was like there's a lot of talking points a lot of things to discuss
Which of the first?
Discooting the mountain biking
Disclute
Which sport could you do you think you could do
And survive the longest like if you're going down a surfing wave if you're going skiing if you're winds like
None of them. I mean windsurfing probably yeah windsurfing
I actually because my take my take was like, I don't think windsurfing is that hard
I said core though. I don't think it's that hard. I just fucking hang on
I said right here. I think I could kite surf. Yeah, just let the wind do all the work
I watched it. I was like, dude, all you gotta do is just let it lift you up and then bring you down
Well, yeah, but that's what's dude surfing. You're just holding on and then just that's it
No, it's not 70 foot balance
Yeah, I
The the videography like the whatever felt I wonder what's the word there drone operating you drone operating
I did like I did like that. They put those in the opening credits. I've never seen that drone budget was astronomical
Yes, so what I don't understand about this though is like these some of these guys do these things
Like like the skier
There was out in the french Alps for like 35 days
And then he skied down Le Mans
And then that was it and it was like wait with that but that was it like it was just for that one shot of drone
Like it's not a competition or anything. I don't
That seems like a lot like how does it get to make money? They're instagram advertising
There there's no difference between these guys and instagram models that go to famous locations and take pictures of themselves
These guys just get a sick like buzz when they do it. That was crazy
They just get a nice little stoke whenever they go down the mountain. That was nuts
One of my favorite lines from it was i'm not in it for the money
I just want enough from sponsors to travel the world and have a good time with my friends. It's like, yeah, that's every
That's literally everyone. Yes, we just all want enough money
To hang out chill and travel and have a good time
Also, the the guy who went down Le Mans when he started when we we were introduced to him and he was like
Yeah, if I didn't find skiing, I'd probably be a criminal. It's like what?
Okay
So you you definitely like steal from everyone on this crew don't any of these guys have parents
They can't have parents. They definitely don't have kids. No, no that guy had a kid
He had a baby the guy that was going down the mountain. He had a kid
He fucking FaceTime is wrong with him. Billy. Did you remember that part?
Yeah, and he FaceTime the kid was like daddy loves you and then he went down daddy loves you
But he has to risk that really didn't watch it. I didn't watch it. All right. What was your favorite part?
You're not in the will I like the part with the jet ski how many of those
Candidips did you put it a bunch? I think I'm kind of I think I'm kind of feeling a buzz can a buzz. I love it
Nice, uh, so let's talk though about the mountain bike bros
hilarious that was
That almost was um, it kind of reminded me of speaking of office beginnings the parkour
Like michael and dwight just going around being like we like to just bike together and they're just jumping up on rocks
Doing an interview. Like it's just so great. We just go everywhere together. It's like, okay
This is they were like interesting. They're like the best partner. Yeah, they're like we're constantly evolving
Like yeah part about biking is like there's so much uncharted territory rocks you can jump off
That's true as a peloton rider. I can confirm that that's
By far the best part is smashing the high five button and then getting a high five back
They happen to do it in real life when they were going up the mountain and they were just like
bouncing from rock to rock that didn't even look like fun
I feel like they got a call and we're like, hey, like netflix wants to do this documentary in there like
Really? Yeah, no, they uh, if you want to come film us like
Okay, the producer was like, okay, we've got some great footage. It's an hour and a half long
We really need to get it to an hour and 45. Do we have a couple bros that just
Roll around on their huffies all day?
Okay, let's get them in uh to be fair. I think they said they biked something like nine
Vertical miles that day. Cool. That's a lot. That's a lot of miles to go up and down
Cool. Basically the entire movie was just people going up to high places and then coming back down again
They just a bunch of dudes that love coming down from places. Yeah, so it was a good documentary
I I liked it. I mean it wasn't like the most it wasn't there wasn't really much of a story
But the actual footage was crazy when I got to the biking part
That's when I was I was laughing so hard at the high five that entire one because it was it was like
It was like holy shit. I could never do surfing like holy shit. I could never ski down then it was like these guys are just like
Prancing around in the fields. Yes open fields like jumping off rocks. Just hanging out
Do you think that this is the longest?
It was like the don't touch the lava like that's like yes
See if you can see how far you can go without touching the ground
I think I was gonna say I'd like to see any of these guys have the balls to compete on don't or the ground
Is hot lava. Yeah, my new
Oh, no, it's that Netflix. It's Netflix. Yeah, just people trying
I saw he was just doing sit-ups like in the air. Yeah, that's just it against serena was that's pretty cool
It is good point that actually is perfect
People always like why is billy on the podcast? Tell billy to shut up. Don't let billy talk billy runs the podcast and I see all that
Might I see all that but we have to understand is billy speaks for
Like the silent majority when we say like gronk's new show looks ridiculous billy's like dude. It was sweet
That's who they're marketing to so there you go
Do you think that that was the longest the movie magnetic was the longest string of footage ever put together?
That was extreme sports that did not have a single red bull logo in it
I think it might be yes, which actually it gave me a drunk idea. I feel like red bull
should make a male version of
What's the stuff that girl personal might all might all no not might all
just like douche
A douche bag. Yeah, kind of something like that. So, um, it's such a funny thing that like does anyone ever call a douche bag a douche bag
Yeah, it's like an actual douche bag. I literally don't know what that is. I think it's something you just douche red bull should make a person
What's it called like personal shower?
For guys that you just like rubbed red bull scented stuff on your nuts and you're like I feel awesome now
Yeah, you just douche it
I don't know. That's it sounds all right remove. So remove mountain biking the equation. You have you have to do one of those sports
Which one are you gonna do?
You have to do one of those things. I think windsurfing is easy. Yeah windsurfing are the guy on the cdu
that no
Fuck that. I just at least I know how to drive that guy's actually no dude
That you don't know how to drive it like that those guys are crazy
I would just not go up to the wave
That those and also I think they're like that those guys were insane. They might have been the most extreme of anyone
Have they got no they didn't even get the enjoyment of the ride. They just fucking go off of waves and shit and just fall off their fucking cdu
Perfect storm it. I bet you that guy fucking kept his whoop. Yep. He probably held on to it
How about the dude at the very end that wiped out got hit by three waves and then got on shore
Got up to the cameras and they asked him about it. He goes. Well, he said the equivalent
I think he he's from french Polynesia. Yeah, he said full on which is he's like i'm going full on now
So even he still lives a full send lifestyle after almost dying three times. They're all legends. They're all legends
All right, that's our show. We'll see everyone monday again
Schedule for next week monday wednesday wednesday is going to be an extra long dungeon and dragons
Uh, no show friday takies july 6th. So uh, see you monday scott boris monday
Dungeons and dragons wednesday. See you then. Let's do a stream podcast Billy. Love you guys
Go
Talking
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Southern
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Me
Hey
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