Pardon My Take - Haley Joel Osment + Burgergate

Episode Date: January 16, 2019

Clemson was served a bunch of fast food at the White House and we have no problem with it (2:27 - 6:03). Which coaches will be more motivated to win a Championship now that know free fast food is the prize? (6:03 - 12:17) Bachelor talk for guys that don't watch the Bachelor (12:17 - 19:18). Hot Seat/Cool Throne including Gillette, Bruce Arians getting a C on his physical, and Dog the Bounty Hunter is back (19:18 - 34:57). Actor Haley Joel Osment joins the show to talk about his career, being a mega famous child actor, what happened to Little Forrest Gump (did he have AIDS?) and a table reading from Walker Texas Ranger (34:57 - 65:27). Segments include Trouble in Paradise for the Celtics, Done or Finished Duke, Bad Visual Adam Gase, and Guys on Chicks. You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, add free on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take, we have Haley Joel Osman. Yes, I see dead people. Fun interview with Haley. Learned about acting, learned about catching lizards,

learned about experimental theater, experimental theater, and what really happened to Little Forrest. He grew up and became an actor who came on part of my take, because actually that is what happened. Who may or may not have gotten age. Yeah, so you'll have to stick around for that one. Oh, and the table reading.

We also have a little Burger Gate talk. I don't even know if we're calling it Burger Gate. Bachelor talk, hot seat, cool throne. And because it is Wednesday, guys on chicks, before we get to all of that, New Amsterdam Vodka. It was launched in 2011, New Amsterdam Vodka. It was the fastest spirit brand in history to sell one million cases.

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Bye! Now in the street, there is violence and then a lot of work to be done. No place to hang alone, washing and then I can't live all on the sun. Oh, no, we're gonna run down to electric avenue and then we're taking higher. Oh, we're gonna run down to electric avenue

and then we're taking higher. Welcome to part of my tape presented by your ad here. Yes, it's open for business, so your ad here. Today is Wednesday, January 16th and boys, we have a burger gate, which I don't even think it is a real gate. No, it's gate, everything's a gate. Yep, it's a gate.

It's our gazi. Yeah, burger gazi. So Clemson, I don't know if you heard, but they smashed Alabama. Yes, you're hearing that correctly. Clemson smashed Alabama in the national championship a week ago, they went to the White House and President Trump gave everyone a bunch of burgers.

Fast food. He paid, he bought, he personally purchased. I have to imagine that he probably sent staffers to Burger King, McDonald's, Pizza Hut. Wendy's. Wendy's, all with like a hundred dollar bill each and just a go buy like 300 burgers from each of these places. So we're not a political podcast.

Everyone knows that we stick to sports at all times, but this is sports because it is Clemson football and we both had the exact same reaction whenever I was like, oh my God, I can't believe he gave all this fast food. I just saw the plates full of Big Macs and Wendy's and Pizza's like, this is fucking awesome. Yeah, the only thing is it was probably cold

by the time you ate it. I can't think of too many things less appetizing than like a cold filet of fish. Yeah, filet of fish. No, excuse me, McFish. Don't put the filet of fish out there. Yeah, yeah. That's a big time mistake.

Mm-hmm, big time. But the rest, like, I could house some quarter pounders right now. Oh. And I'll tell you this, that little lib Chris Long has to be really regretting not going to the White House when he had the chance. You missed out on a feast, buddy.

Big time and it looked like essentially being back in college and getting super high and being like, let's just order all the fast food. Because who wouldn't want to be like, hey, you know what? I'm gonna have McDonald's and Wendy's right after that. And just try them all. So I'm fully in favor of this move. The one thing that President Trump missed out on,

he should have brought the McRib back just for that. Could you imagine if that was a shamrock shake? A power move, just being like, McRib, it's not even back, but it's back here. We have it, folks. And we love it, don't we? That would have been the biggest flex of all time. I was surprised they didn't wheel in, like,

a Coca-Cola freestyle machine, too. That would have been sweet. Yes. Actually, watching Davos when he tried to figure out how to use one of those automatic Coke machines, that would have been great. Basically, President Trump just treated this entire thing like it was an end of the year soccer party.

Yeah. And he was having everybody over to fud ruckers. We needed trophies for everyone and some Oreos. You get whatever you want now. Ice cream cake. And honestly, yeah, some of the food did look pretty good. I was wondering if Hank was going to be triggered because they omitted a certain franchise.

Hank, would you like to speak on that? Sorry. Was that bad for the brand, Hank? No. No? Well, the relations aren't great with South of the border. No, that's true. If you pick a side, it's like either you want to be included

or you want to be on the outside, not on the fence at this one. Yeah, that's true. Now, Taco Bell needs to rebrand as anti-Trump and steer into this. So, right, Hank? No. All right, so Maggie, Hank, definitely not. It got me thinking, PFT, how this relates to sports.

And my initial reaction was, if every team that wins a championship goes to the White House and gets a bunch of fast food, how does that affect the motivation for each team? So you've got to believe that Andy Reed's thinking. Andy Reed's liking his shots. I want to get there. Plus, Patrick Mahomes, they're going to have a catch up.

They're going to have a catch up fountain for Patrick Mahomes. They're going to have catch up milkshakes serve ice cold if you have Mahomes just chugging. This is Hanson's the most. So I wrote down a quick list of teams to keep an eye on, knowing that they have a because, like, look, if you're a fat guy and you're at the end of the tunnel, is a bunch of fast food guilt-free because calories don't

count when you're in the White House. When you're celebrating. Yeah. This is going to be great motivation. So I have a list. You tell me if anything is off here, if you have anything to add. So the Pirates, Clint Hurdle, he's a big fast food guy.

Got that nice round face. He's just got a list of fat people in sports. Yeah, it's all the managers, all the managers. Tigers, Ron Gartenhires is the Tigers manager now. Gardi, he's a big time fast food guy. Dodgers, not for Dave Roberts. Tommy LaSorta. Yes, LaSorta would love.

Tommy going and eating just non-stop Big Macs. Well, we know that he likes sauce. Yes. Oh, gravy. Yes, well, we know he doesn't eat dry pasta. On everything. He actually, if it's Tommy LaSorta, just send him to an Olive Garden.

Yeah. Never ending breadsticks and salad. That'd be pretty good. Wherever Mike McCarthy next coaches. You can never die if it's never ending. Yeah, try that right there. Wherever Mike McCarthy next coaches. OK.

Like, if you are looking to hire Mike McCarthy, this is actually a bonus in your pros and cons. Like, pro, he probably wants to go to the White House and eat a bunch of fast food. Right. When the Packers won the Super Bowl, you could actually, there's a prop bet for the color of the Gatorade to just be gravy brown.

Yeah. Exactly. Doused in giblets. Matt Patricia? Definitely a fast food guy. 100% a fast food guy. I feel like most coaches are fast food guys. There's some that are, you know, like Cliff Kingsbury's not.

Nozabs, bro. Come on. He's never had a French fry. You don't think so? No. You think he's Keto? Come on. He's doing the fucking kale chips.

He's probably Beachbody. I would be shocked if Cliff Kingsbury didn't have, like, a Facebook page where he's selling his Beachbody workouts to. Yeah. He's just diarrhea-ty. You know, they call me a coach, but I'm also a coach of Beachbody. These abs didn't come for free.

Huggy Bear, big one. Huggy Bear going to the White House and just sitting there by himself being like, fellas, I got this. And just give me a moment with these big Macs. And then actually, the Bulls coach, Jim Boylan, is a big time. He's a fighter.

He's a heavier guy. He would definitely want some fast food if the Bulls could ever win more than, like, 15 games. I could definitely see that, too. This is going to actually be tough. It's going to be tougher for McVeigh, for Sean McVeigh. He doesn't like this shit. And just like people in LA in general.

He's a robot. Yeah. He's like, give me the In-N-Out. They're picky. That was a big miss, Hank. Big miss. Well, they don't have it. That would also be like the similar to McRib

getting In-N-Out in Washington, DC. That would be a huge flex, yeah. Damn. Big time flex. Huge miss. So, yeah, Burger Gate, which wasn't really a gate, but I guess it was the intersection of sports and politics. Yeah, sure.

Kind of. Yeah, sure. What the hell? Yeah, why not? It was pretty funny, the candlelight dinner that they had. Like, it was very fancy. It was on platters. It was on a silver platter for all these guys.

Nick Saban was probably psyched to see this. Yeah, it was like fatten those guys up. It was essentially like living the life of the kid from blank check. And like, if I had a million dollars, I would just have McDonald's on a silver platter. A waterslide. Yeah.

And then I'd have a 25-year-old girl friend. People don't talk about how that movie was a little wierd. A little dicey. And she was into him. Also, a million dollars. I mean, after you pay taxes, dude, and then you've got to pay your agent fee,

and all this stuff, if you're buying a house and all this stuff, I mean, you're not coming home with that much money. I'd rather not have a million dollars. Yeah, no, it's a headache. I know we talked a while ago about, like, would you rather have a billion dollars? I would like to have a billion, but a million? No, not cool.

Mo Money Mo Problems. Rather be broke. Mo Money Mo Problems was the dumbest saying ever. I feel like if you have more money, you have less problems. Just as a general rule. By and large, as a general rule, yeah. You can just pay to not do the things you don't want to do.

Here's the fact, money does solve some part. Like, if you're hungry, that's a problem. A chef. Right. You get a chef. Well, or you get McDonald's. If you pay someone to just pick up after you at all times, that's a nice problem.

It is a very nice problem. Or you don't ever have anymore. So myth busted. Also, back to the fast food, I'm just thinking for all the brands that got left out, I'm feeling bad for them. Long John Silver's. Yeah, that's tough.

That's a real shame. Hardee's. Yeah. Thick Burgers. I had McDonald's sober for the first time in a long time on Saturday night. But you feel on my cheat day. But here's the thing, after you eat McDonald's sober,

you feel like you're hungover. Yes. A little bit. No, you get a McDonald's hangover big time. Pro tip for everyone out there, I don't even think. If you aren't doing this, you have just been living your life completely wrong. But if you go to McDonald's, if you go to a drive-thru,

the key is to get a large fry and then get a medium or small fry for just the car. So that's just the car fries. Because you don't want to dip into your large fry when you get home. I agree with that. I also, one move I used to do when I lived in Texas, you go to Whataburger, and you get there.

Oh, are the burgers good there? They're really good, yeah. They're delicious. Interesting. You go to Whataburger. Whataburger, best burgers, but you got to have their chicken. OK, you go to Whataburger, and you get your honey butter

chicken biscuit. Yep, exactly. But you got to time it right at 10.30, so you drive directly from Whataburger to the McDonald's, and you get the McDonald's fries. It sounds like you're saying water and affiliate. So wait, so Whataburger doesn't have good burgers or good fries?

What a place. No, I'm saying McDonald's fries are so good, but you use the Whataburger ketchup. Oh. The spicy ketchup. The better ketchup. Yeah, only the real fast food. It's just a ketchup place.

Yes. It's like Patrick Mahomes would love to live inside of Whataburger. Yeah, it's like the new deconstructed Shishi restaurants that are just like grilled cheese. Melt. Yeah. It's just grilled cheese.

Chup. Yeah, it's just chup. You just go, get a score to ketchup, and then you keep going. Welcome to chup. We're going to bukkake you with tomato paste. Boom, done. All right, before we get to Hot Seat Cool Throne, Hank, we have Bachelor Talk.

Oh, by the way, we have to legally, we are obligated to mention that the AFC Championship game this Sunday, it looks like it's going to be cold. We forgot to do that. So as a sports podcast, I was going to get to it. Oh, you were? So I'm going to get to it. There are many people who have to just continually

say how cold this could be. I'm going to get to it. All right, Hank, Bachelor Talk for guys that don't watch the Bachelor. Crazy episode. Demi touched the group date rows before it was given out. What? You don't do that.

No. Wait, what? That's such a Demi move. The group date rows. What is that? They go on a group date, and they give one rose to a contestant. She gets the group date rows. That's pretty selfish.

But before it was given out, Demi touched it. But what about the rows at the end? It's like the Stanley Cup. No, there's roses each episode. Yeah. But if you get a rose, you're good for the episode. Yeah, right. So they give it out during the episode?

So it's like, one girl gets a group date rose, so she's good. And then at the end, she touched it before. It's very easy to grab. It's very unlucky to touch the group date rows before you're invited to touch it. Got it. That's wild.

Sounds like it is a crazy episode. Demi is a clear villain. She's set herself aside as the clear villain. We know. At the cocktail party, Demi put on a robe, tickled and upstairs, and gave him a massage. Wait, you said tickled him upstairs? Tickled him upstairs.

Tickled him upstairs and gave him a massage. But in the show, so I heard, I wasn't watching. But she was wearing a robe, and then took him upstairs, and all the other girls were freaking out, because they thought she was going to take his virginity. Well, yeah. So some high, high dramas. Hand virginity.

Yeah. They were very upset for her for putting on the robe. It was a cocktail party, and she put on a robe, and she took it to another level. Sounds like she's just a badass bitch. But she's the villain. All the other girls hate Demi. And then Heather told Colton, who is the virgin?

What's the advantage, real quick? What's the advantage to like teaming up to having like a squad of girls that are your friends or the bachelor? I don't think that's how it works. I think every bachelor season just works that there's one girl who has like all the sex appeal, and they all hate her.

And they hate her. Wait, is that the girl that did the fake Australian accent? No. That's my girl. That is my girl. She hasn't got a lot of airtime, but she's nice. Heather, have you been watching? No, I've just been hearing this.

That was off script. Heather, who's another beautiful girl, blonde girl from California, told Colton who's a virgin that she's never kissed anyone before. That's a lie. On the lips? She's a prostitute? No kissing on the lips?

She's trying to appeal to Colton. It's a great lie, too. I think they're setting them up to take each other's virginity. That's going to be the big, the troll. Yeah, virginity ban. You know what it is? It's one of these Jack Spratt could eat no fat. His wife could eat no lean situations.

So like, she can fuck him, and he can kiss her, but she'll never kiss him, and he'll never fuck. Also, Nick Offerman was in it. It was pretty funny. Oh, that's cool. What is he? What's he? They did like an open mic thing, and like the girls

You got to also, Nick Offerman, like no offense to Nick Offerman, because he's a very funny guy. But I think he's just Ron Swanson, right? It's like Jason Alexander's George Cassanzo. He's done a pretty good job of branching out. Yeah, he was completely bald and had a full lumberjack beard, so he doesn't look like Ron Swanson at all. Right, but don't you think there are certain characters

you're like, that's just Ron Swanson. Yeah. And like George Cassanzo, like, and Kramer. What even is Kramer's name? Riley Cooper. Yeah, that's right. Cosmo. He's very bad.

So he should actually do the Riley Cooper biopic. He's like, if you've already been caught on tape saying it, yeah, then you're like the only person that's fit to play that role. Big time, big time receiver in the red zone. Yeah, big target. Yes, yeah. Get it to him. OK, that's it.

Demi's a villain. He just busts in the door of Andy Reed's office. Yeah. Drops a hard inbomb. And scene. That's the movie. That's the whole movie. The real question is what episode is Colton going to lose

his virginity? I don't think he's going to do it. OK, how many episodes are there? I don't know. OK, that's a lie. How many episodes are there, Hank? There's been two. Yeah.

And how many are there? I don't know. 10, 20, 30. Interesting. Narrow down for me. I would say. Fewer than 15. 20.

I think he'll lose it by episode 14. You guys are misreading Colton. He's like, he's like Tebow. He's so dug in on his living in a house with a bunch of hot girls. He's eventually just going to fuck. No, not going to happen. He's too strong. He's too straight.

Remember, he's a former NFL player. You're also one of those people who actually thinks Tebow was virgin. Tebow still is a virgin. They also, in the show, so I've heard they set him up of being a virgin by being like, oh, well, I played, I played D1 sport, so I never had time for girls. Makes no sense. That's absolutely true.

Classic. Every D1 athlete knows that. Mm-hmm. All right, Hank. Hot seat, cool throne. Do it. My hot seat is Netflix. Yeah.

So everyone's been hearing about these fry festival documentaries. Netflix was supposed to release one. Fire. Fry. Fire. It's fire. F-Y-R-E. Fire festival documentaries.

Fry festival is what happened at the White House. That was good. Mm-hmm. Netflix was dropping one. Hulu pulled up, pulled the alpha move and just released theirs like two or three days beforehand. And it has the actual founder of the fire festival in the documentary. So Netflix is on the hot seat because everyone's watching the Hulu one,

talking about the Hulu one. It will probably be better than the Netflix one because in the Hulu one, it says that the one produced by Netflix is featuring the fuck-jerry people who were like. Complicit. Yeah. Very, very, very complicit. So who is fuck-jerry?

He's the Instagram account. I know he's a meme. He's an insta. Yeah. He's an Instagram account. It's the old water cups. Yes. My old nemesis.

It's basically like the barstle Instagram account that was like. Was a person? Yeah. And his name was fuck-jerry. Yeah. OK. Probably wouldn't. It's an Instagram account.

But the way they presented it. That person would be alternatingly hilarious and very infuriating. There was a while that fuck-jerry, remember when they had a feud with us and they challenged us to three-on-three and we're like, bro, did you see our basketball team? We didn't win a game. We stank. So I watched this.

It's awesome. Everyone should watch it on Hulu. Billy McFarland, that guy's crazy. He is basically like all of our jokes about committing fraud. He just doesn't have a conscience, so he just goes all the way. Yeah. My understanding is that he's Tom Haverford. If Tom Haverford was a person.

But evil Tom Haverford. Yes. Like Tom Haverford still had, you know, some redeeming qualities. Oh, he had a lot of redeeming qualities. Yeah. Right. He had a conscience and he like, you know, had morals. I mean, if you want to get on your high horse, that's fine.

And we can, you know, pretend like we are scrupulous. But I would say that, like, fuck it, let's just do it and be legends is a pretty awesome model for life. Fuck it, let's just do it and be legends and take out, like, $10 million of loans. We'd never have any idea of how to pay it back. That's a lot of red tape that you're adding to the end of. Fuck it, let's just do it and be legends.

Fuck it, let's do it and be legends and just defraud, like, thousands of people. Kind of legends, like, it's like, all right, he's going to jail, but he's got a hot girlfriend. He's getting out in seven years. Oh, that's easy. Also, college girl friends. Big time brainwash. Listen, am I the only one on this podcast that thinks that going to prison is kind of cool?

I mean, I know. You don't have to, you said yourself, mow money, mow problems. You go to prison, you don't have to worry about anything. It depends on what type of prison. You wake up at the same time of the day. You're talking about white collar prison. No, I'm just saying, like, normal prison. No, I don't think so.

When you have to sit in the cell for 23 hours, I don't, not for me. You do a lot of reading. Not for writing. Not for me. Push-ups. Yeah, you can't. There's no TVs. There's no pile either.

Yeah, there's no pile. You can't, you have to keep your room clean. You have to make your bed. Yeah. Not for me. I don't know. I just think that it solves a lot of problems, especially if you already have a girlfriend like a relationship on the outside.

You don't have to worry about that. Like, you get conjugal visits. You don't have to worry about doing chores around the house. I'd say the only problem it solves is- You know how guys are like, you know, you don't want to look after the kids, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, you can shit with your roommate right there. Yeah, it's awesome. It's cool.

Just dudes being dudes. All right, what else you got, Hank? My cool throne is actually Teenagers in Atlanta. Ooh. Because Pup Punk is coming to town the week of the Super Bowl. It's right. So Ruff and Rowdy's going to be a big event, but they're not really selling tickets to the public. Pup Punk is going to be a big event.

When is it? It is Wednesday night. Wednesday night at the Ivy? Yes, Wednesday night at the Ivy. In Buckhead. Which we will be there. That was quite a plug. That was a great plug.

We will be there all week at the Ivy, Buckhead, if you want to come out and see us. But Wednesday night's going to be awesome. Yeah, we had our first practice last night. Our first practice since, I think, the show in Boston at the House of Blues. And I'm telling you, we are sounding more angsty than ever. Very, very crisp. Crunchy. Rowan was howling out some vocals.

It's good. I might just do a shitload of ecstasy before your concert. It's good. It's funny. We were looking at the set list, what we should do, because we want to do some like Atlanta-based rap songs. And just like a lot of single-length songs, Drink Paint was created in... It was actually created in Athens. No.

It was written in Atlanta. Recorded in Atlanta. The words were written in Athens. In an RV. Yes. In RV3. Yeah. So yeah, we were thinking of what songs that we could do.

And we were just writing down every single song that we got emotional to in our rooms in high school. It's a long list. Are you going to do a... Yes. OK. Thank you. Can you bleep out what song that was? Because we wanted it to be a surprise.

It was... Bleep that out too. All right. PFT, what do you have for Hot Seat Cool Drone? My Hot Seat is the New England Patriots. Oh. Because it is going to be 5 to 10 degrees in Kansas City. Are you sure I haven't heard that anywhere?

This week it's going to be cold. It's called an Arctic Blast. An Arctic Blast is hitting Kansas City, Kansas. You know that like there's nothing to talk about with the NFL. You know, like we're down to three games. There's not a lot going on. You're waiting for the weekend. Every single NFL writer has just continually updated about how the forecast is six days from now.

It's like a wedding planner being like, well, it's going to be 10 degrees. It favors the Kansas City Chiefs. Like this is their home field. The Patriots, I don't know if they can do it in the cold. We'll see about that. They've got a lot to prove this playoff. Also, it's a super wolf blood moon happening.

You tell me that doesn't... That just sounds like a description of Andy Reed. Well, you don't like wolves. Super wolf blood moon. Yeah. That's amazing. I love wolves. I love them so much.

I want to keep their population in check so they don't get over hunted. No, they don't. So you think it favors the Chiefs? Yeah, I think the Patriots are going to be in real trouble dealing with this cold weather. I think it's a toss-up. I spend about 20 to 30 minutes researching if Pat Mahomes has ever played in a cold game. Which he did last weekend. Yes, also Texas Tech.

That wasn't... You guys said it wasn't even a snow game. Hank thinks that Lubbock, Texas is like the Bahamas. It's not that... It's dry cold. It's a dry cold, Hank, and it gets windy. No, I agree, though, Hank. Pat Mahomes probably has not played in a lot of cold games.

The flip side of that is Tom Brady is like prime dad age, where your dad just starts saying, I'm fucking moving. I got to move to Florida. This fucking sucks. I can't deal with this anymore. But Bill Belichick is prime genius age, where he knows how to exploit this. Put his brain on ice, and he's ready to go. Yes.

God, it's going to be... I mean, I'm excited for championship Sunday. Andy Reid is more insulated as a human being than Bill Belichick. We will get icicle Andy. Yes. It's going to be great. The mustache. I hope he dunks his face in water right before he goes out there and gets a Tom Coughlin

red face. Tom Coughlin almost died in Green Bay. People forget that. That was an amazing little... His face has never been... There's never been a shade of red that like Tom Coughlin's face. He was like Mike Shanahan if he had a bruise on his cheeks. If Mike Shanahan got stung by a bunch of bees and sat out in the sun and then drank a bunch

of rum. Yeah, that is exactly what Tom Coughlin looked like. My other hot seat is our mess. Our mess? Our mess. Your pile, my mess, on my desk. We're very relatable. Because Marie Kondo is setting out to eliminate all messes.

Who is that? Marie Kondo is the hottest thing going on Netflix right now. OK. She's a tidying expert from Japan. Fuck. And she hates clutter. By the way, a tidying expert, that's a fake job. Yeah.

Just want to let you know, Maria, I don't care that you're a millionaire. You're so good at cleaning. Guess what? You probably got a lot of problems because you have so much money. But you're very good at tidying. And she wants to get rid of everything that doesn't bring you joy. That's like her method is you put all your stuff in a pile. So we've actually already done step one in her process, which is just create a pile

and then get rid of everything that doesn't bring you joy. What if the whole pile in its sum brings me joy? Exactly. Exactly. Everything that I know when you have assets. Yes. Right. Exactly.

That are appreciating assets. Everything that I have brings me joy. You know why? Because it's something that somebody else doesn't have. Right. And that makes me happy. And people want it. And people want what I've got.

So wait, so this woman, she essentially just made a career out of having OCD. Credit to her. Yes. But that's what she did. She's also anti-book. She's getting some backlash. She's become problematic because she says that you should get rid of most of your books too. So this is like a ying and yang.

It's like a devil's triangle situation with us and her. Marie Kondi? Marie Kondo. Marie Kond... Is her name really Kondo? Marie Kondo. That's not her name, is it? Yes, I believe it is.

There's no answer name. Marie Kondo. And she cleans up Kondo's? No, she cleans up anything. Yeah, but like she's going around to people's apartments. She doesn't clean up Kondo's, but Kat, she cleans up lives. OK. So Marie Kondo, you can come to our office and clean our books.

That is an open invite. You can throw away all my books. Yes, I actually have a few. Yeah, I have Meryl Hodges. I have Art of the Deal. I already gave away Meryl Hodges. I have Stu Finer's book. Few of those.

Julian Edelman's. Julian Edelman's. We read that. We totally read that. We know you're listening right now. It was great. Got the TB12 method. Do we?

Yeah. OK. So yeah, we read all those. Swear to God. Our therapist gave us a book today too. No, it's actually nothing in it. That was a trick on her part because she was going to ask us, I'm sure, next time she saw us, how we like the book.

Yeah. There are no words in it. No words. Just empty pages. It's our kind of book. I guess that's a diary. She knows us too well. Here's a book.

Nothing in it. It's like gluing the $100 bill to the end of the playbook. We were never going to open that thing. All right. My cool throne is guys who don't have to shave. Because Gillette accused men who shave of having toxic masculinity. Yes.

So as someone that doesn't have to shave frequently, I'm less inclined to be toxically masculine. So this tweet, was it a commercial or just a tweet? It was an ad. It was an ad basically calling for men to be better, which, OK, great, that's true. Sure, men should be better in general. But it's coming from Gillette.

Like what? It's a fucking razor company. The best a man can get. When do razor companies start telling us, like commenting on societal problems? Isn't that a little weird? Yeah, like leave that to the hair gel companies. I just love.

I love when corporations do this. They're like, yeah, we just want to show everyone. We is a very important message from the people who bring you the razors. Yes. What else does Gillette do? They do. Didn't they do that?

Stadiums. They do stadiums. That's true. They build stadiums. Yeah. This is like stop racism with the Pepsi can Kylie Jenner. Oh, well, that did end racism. It did.

That solved every single problem out there. Johnson & Johnson is one that does the baby powder that gives your testicles asbestos, right? Yeah, I want to see. I'm going to wait to hear what Johnson & Johnson has to say about my nuts getting mesothelioma before I take a side on toxic masculinity. So some corporation out there, here's a freebie for you.

Maybe do an ad being like, fuck cancer. I like that. And then guess what? Fuck cancer. Here we go. Buy our butt wipes. Check this out. That's good.

That's good. That was good. I was going to say Lockheed Martin. Fuck cancer. And if you don't invest in bombs, then you're pro cancer. Yeah, I mean, this is a freebie for everyone out there who's listening to this who has a Fortune 500 company. How about this?

Pardon my take, presented by fuck cancer. And fuck Nazis, too. And fuck Nazis and punch Nazis in the face, right? We hope Nazis get cancer. Yeah. Well, no. No, that's a, that's a, that's not fuck cancer anymore. Well, no, we're like, everyone, like,

cancers give the cancer to the Nazis. Cancer school. We're, we're a cancer donation service. We got ourselves in the weeds where we give cancer to the happen. Not as soon as we try to make a proclamation. We always, we always get our messaging mixed up. You know, Val would hate this.

We, our brand messaging is all over the place. The moral of the story is to never take a stand against anything. Ever. Yeah. Just chill out and go the fuck off in the second half. Yeah. Is that it?

Yeah. Fuck cancer, though. Fuck cancer. Hot, hot seat for me is Ice Heads. So PFT, I told you this before the show, but Dog the Bounty Hunter is back. He's got a new show, I think on WGN and Dog, Beth, people forget, Dog, spelled backwards, God, he is back.

Ice Heads, watch out, is Leland back? Leland, I'm assuming is back with his, with his little, his little bread ties that he handcuffs people with and the, and the mace that is way too big, like fire extinguisher size of mace and Dog is here to tell everyone, I tweeted a clip of it because I used to watch Dog every single day when I was like, what is it? 2005, six.

When he would, when he would go up to like someone who had an addiction and be like, what is this? This is an ice pipe, bro. All right, you got to quit this shit. And the guy's like, all right, I will. I believe you. And that's it. Boom, addiction solved.

Just talked it right out of him. Yeah, just talked to, he believed him. You know what, Dog was the original Marie Kondo to get your, your mind in order. Yeah, go with Christ, bro. He declutters your mind and only leaves things that bring you joy. It would be great because Dog would, would just shoot like

gallons of bare mace into your eyes, then put you in the back of his minivan and give you a cigarette and talk it out. All time hair. Jesus. All time hair, actually Leland's hair was pretty cool too, just like long single braid that he could wipe his butt with it went down so far. Yes.

He's definitely shit on his hair. Yes. Oh, with a wipe too. Yeah. Also, this is not an endorsement of Dwayne Chapman, the man because not good. That's also not dog though. Yes, that's not dog.

When he puts the shades on. Dog is the one who cleans up America's ice problem. Dwayne Chapman is the guy who says some fucked up shit and we do not endorse. But he could play Riley Cooper in a movie. Yes, he could also. He'd be the stunt, he'd be the backup. He'd be the stunt cop for Kramer.

The audition room for the Riley Cooper biopic. It's getting full. Yeah. It's getting full boys. All right, my cool throne is Coach Bruce Arians. Recurring guest Coach Bruce Arians because he is the new Tampa Bay Buccaneers head coach and they made him take a physical and he got a C on it.

And he said he is elated because he actually has, I think he did have cancer, he beat cancer, fucked cancer. And he also had a paint drinking problem. No, I wouldn't say problem. So you have to say that it's negative to the problem. That's true. C's get degrees though. Yes.

That was actually the one note that I had made also. Bruce Arians, got a C. This reminds me of the time when Ben Rothsberger passed his concussion test. Or he said he passed his concussion test and they're like, no, you're concussed. But C, getting a C physical, that's pretty good. Any time, yeah, if you're past the age of 45

and you get a C physically, that's way, way better than average, I would say. They probably also. You're graded on a curve after your turn 40. Now that I'm thinking about it, the C probably came from, he went in, they did the thing where he knocked him on the knee. They probably checked his cholesterol. He's like, oh, you're actually really healthy, Bruce.

And he was going for an A. And then they had the treadmill with the mask on. He's like, no fucking way. Like, all right, we'll just mark it as a C. Refuse to run on the treadmill. My understanding is that doctors give letter grades, like teachers do. Yeah.

So he was probably going through his whole process. And they said, well, OK, you've got really bad cholesterol. One of your arteries is blocked. Your metabolism is very slow. Your joints are good. He's like, just cut to the chase dock. Give me a letter grade. A C. OK, hell yeah.

C is awesome. I'm clean, Bill Hill. Pass me a drink. He also said that. Give me a cocktail. He also said that for his brief stints in the announcing game, he didn't like it because he couldn't be himself, because he got reprimanded for saying someone was wide-ass open.

I agree. I mean, I was sorry, I should have said trigger warning, Edward, don't listen to this next thing I say, wide-ass open. I was actually looking very much forward to Bruce Aurean's in the booth. But you could tell his his his mouth was about 10 seconds behind his brain. Yeah.

Because he can't say motherfucker on the air. Right. He's got that's a real problem. What's that word? Fuck. Oh, man. Nope. Can't say that.

All right. Let's get to our interview with Haley Joel Osmond before we do that. The Cash App. It's time to talk about the Cash Card from Cash App, the number one finance app in the App Store. For a reason, the Cash Card is the most powerful debit card in the world.

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and I can't find it so I'm just gonna keep, oh, I found it, Squarespace. Last year, we had a great business idea to make draftjoshallon.com. By the way, thanks for the bills, jumpsuits for JumpSuit January, Josh, we appreciate them. Imagine how good the site would have looked

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Okay, we now welcome on Hailey Joel Osmond. Hello. He is here, an extremely wicked, shockingly evil and vile, which premieres January 26th. That is correct, yeah. So what is that movie? That is a movie where Zac Efron is playing Ted Bundy, and it covers his trot, yeah. I mean, covers his trot.

Okay, now the title makes sense, got it. I can imagine the poster just going Zac Efron, he's Ted Bundy, but it covers his trials, it starts with his first significant arrest, he escaped from prison twice and strung along his two wives and was a very prolific manipulator as well as a killer, and yeah, escaped from prison twice and was on the run

for a really long time. What are you playing at? I am, Lily Collins plays his wife, Elizabeth Klepfer, and I play a friend of hers where she works at the University Medical Office, he's like, you gotta stop taking his calls from prison, like you gotta let him go. He's a bad guy.

He's bad news. He's a good enough job, I guess. Yeah, he was, I didn't have the charisma of a Ted Bundy. Well, that's awesome, I mean, I feel like those type of stories are very hot right now. That's the, like, if I'm scrolling through Netflix, they've figured out the algorithm in my brain. Just murder, murder, murder, murder, yeah.

What is that about us, just like we love watching serial killers, that's bizarre. But that whole story in Wisconsin that happened last week? Make your murder. The first thing I thought of was like, oh shit, that's gonna be a ridiculous Netflix series. Definitely.

Can you imagine if the OJ trial had happened now? Yeah, yeah. That was insane media coverage for the 90s. Insane. The podcast would be incredible. I watched that whole eight hour OJ thing that won the Oscar. They showed it at the Lemley in San Monica

and I went and watched it one eight hour ago with two intermissions. It was crazy. Holy shit. Really intense experience. That is very intense. If OJ happened now, like within a month, it would be a serial true crime podcast

and they'd be trying to convince us that OJ was innocent. Yeah, yeah. All right, so that's gonna be awesome. January 26th, it premieres Sundance, check it out. I also, I should have, I rudely just jumped into that. I should have just said I see dead people because that's just what everyone says, right?

How often do you get that every day? It's not so much anymore. The crazy stuff is with sports though. Like I was at a Dodger game and they do like a movie trivia with the players and Pweig said the line on the big board. I was like, whoa. That's pretty good.

That's nice. Yeah, that's pretty nice. Yeah, it's crazy. But that's, I feel like that line, like that's one of those lines that's such an iconic movie and then it just probably follows you around where drunk bros are like, I see dead people,

I mean, I would do it. I'm doing it right now. You're doing it. You're literally doing it right now and I've been wanting to do it all day. Nice. I see dead people. You got off to a pretty hot start in your career.

I was going back through your filmography here. You were in Forrest Gump. Well, I should back up. You were in the Pizza Hut Bigfoot commercial. That was the first thing ever. Yeah. Do you remember that Bigfoot pizza? Did you ever eat it?

It wasn't very good, I remember. And like it didn't last very long. Like everyone's like, this is kind of like a bad thin crust pizza. So how'd you get found? How'd you get found in that? In an IKEA in Burbank. They were doing something which I don't think

they would be allowed to do now. They had a table set up with two casting assistants taking Polaroids of kids who were in the store. They told you that there were casting assistants. Definitely not. They're a deep cover. Yeah, they were nice young women. I think they even knew that it couldn't be too creepy guys.

But they took my Polaroid. I was shopping there with my mom. Got picked off a pile and called in for the Bigfoot Pizza Hut commercial. And then that commercial was seen by the casting director for Forrest Gump. Holy shit. It was just a very quick, very lucky sort of.

That one line that you had. He was like, this is Tom Hanks' son. Yeah, yeah. That's it. Exactly, yeah. And watching TV in that room. And then on the bus stop at the end. Yes, pretty wild.

Actually, I have a theory about Forrest Gump. I don't know how deep into the internet you get with these fan theories. There's a pretty hot one out there. Well, my personal theory is that Forrest wasn't really your dad. Did he ever have that talk with you? No, I had not heard that theory.

I don't think the timeline matches up. I think you're at least. How many years go by? It's several years. And I don't know. Are you slut shaming Jenny? No, I'm not. In fact, I'm saying I'm putting the blame on the studio

for being afraid to address that in the movie. Got it. Yes. You're probably like some folk singer was your dad or something. It could have been. Yeah. But the other big theory out there is that, and this kind of ties in with sixth sense,

that Forrest Gump was dead the entire movie. I mean, that's an actual theory. It seems implausible he could have met all those presidents. Yeah, it does. There's a lot of stuff that doesn't add up. Like, for example, he just picked up a ping pong paddle and became the best ping pong player in the world. It sounds like a fantasy.

But the theory is that during the scene where he's getting chased by the bullies on the bikes, they hunt him down and they beat him and he dies. And because then the very next scene is he's out running a car, which also, that can't happen. It immediately goes that, yeah, he's in the Elysian fields right there, yeah. Everything else that he does is just a fantasy

about what his life would turn out like if he could use his legs. Now I'm going to have to re-watch that. Yeah, Lieutenant Dan's just an invented character. So you were a ghost in that movie. Did you look back and like, that was my first movie. One of the most memorable movies of all time. That's almost like the lucky, not, I don't want to say lucky,

but it is kind of the luckiest break ever. Oh dude, luck has a lot to do with it, with everything. I mean, with certain, who saw some film and was like, oh, I can see you picture you in this role and everything. It's a lot of luck. But I remember it really well and it was bizarre because yeah, that one, then we're at home watching the Oscars and it was one like best picture

and all that stuff. And it's like, wow, this business is pretty crazy. Yeah, that is nuts. Did you cry the first time you saw it? No, I did not. No, I was, that was one of the first, I don't know if it was an R-rated movie, one of the first like adult oriented films

that I was ever allowed to see. You know, I was like four when that movie came out. I remember my friend Dave Vengus, who was the second, or the PA on that movie, when they did the ping-pong stuff, he had all the extras before Zemeckis came in. He got them to do the wave really fast in the one thing. So the first take of that, he had, they're just like, yeah, yeah.

All time bullcutting that movie too. Oh yeah. You ever think about bringing back that haircut? That was my natural hair. I don't know why they cut our hair like that in the 90s, but that was the flop, like, yeah. Yeah, it was the 90s, that's all you can, you can just say, it was the 90s and you're good.

So obviously people remember like, you know, Forest Gump, Sixth Sense. What has it been like trying, is it like a blessing or a curse being a child actor and having everyone, like they think Haley Joel Osmond, that your brain just has memories of you as a child and then you walk in and you're like,

no, that time has gone on, you are now a man. It does, there's a period of adjusting and I didn't help myself in the career department by going to college for four years and just living here and not auditioning and stuff like that. But one of the cool results of that is that by having to kind of reintroduce yourself

in the industry and everything, there was a variety of roles that I was able to play that I think were sort of unexpected. And my favorite was, you know, a couple of movies where people didn't even realize it was me until the credits and everything. Like I've heard that a lot with the entregem of you. It's like, oh, it's fun to truly disappear into a role.

How sweet was the entregem of you? It was really fun. Yeah, I wouldn't mind shooting that a lot of the time. Just, you know, sitting at a party in Palace Verde is for a couple days in a row. You had your other Markey Mark when you did that? Yeah, he did. We had one scene where they're like yelling at me

through the wall, but I had played golf with him before. So he's, How's he as a golfer? He speeds golf? Really good, yeah. On the little schedule thing that came out, he allowed himself like 90 minutes. I was like, I guess if you're playing at the country club

then you're really going fast. So yeah, he gets out there at like five in the morning and just speed golf. So you're an unbelievable golfer, right? I'm like a 10 handicap. Okay, that's pretty good. It's been fun, yeah. What was your best like, at your peak as a golfer?

I probably got down to like a six or a seven in high school. And when I lived here for like a decade, like my game completely went to pot. Cause you know, There's no grass here. Yeah, unless you're going to play six hour round at like Van Cortland or go out to Bethpage or something.

Yeah. So you go back to high school and then you actually continue, you starred in high school theater. Yes. After you were a movie star. Did some musicals. That doesn't seem fair to me.

That seems like Monica Sellis, you know, going back and competing in her high school tennis tournaments which he's 15 years old. Oh yeah, luckily it wasn't professional theater, but yeah, we did like Dam Yankees and Pippin. And I think the, probably the best one we did was Jesus Christ Superstar senior year. That's a fun play.

Did you ever drop on anyone like you're not Tom Hanks? No, I mean, I was far from the best like musical theater actor there. There are people that went on to do great things and I studied experimental theater. So it was a little bit. What is that? Yeah, let's get weird with it.

That sounds like some orgy shit. That's the reputation that they have, but it's not really earned. There wasn't a lot of naked stuff there. I think that's more playwrights. When you say experimental theater, I'm just thinking of the landlord in Big Lebowski in his like tight, his knee at heart.

Just like jumping around on a chair. Is that what it's like? It could be if, you know, if that's how you want to experiment. But it's based on this Polish theater artist's name, Yerzy Grotowski. Yeah, we're gonna have to explain Yerzy Grotowski. No, we know.

We're very, please don't talk down to our audience. Yerzy Grotowski. Yeah, Yerzy Grotowski. That's what you guys are usually talking about, you know, Uta Hagen. We're Grotowski guys. Yes. No, no, Uta Hagen sucks.

I'm a Grotowski guy. Not into that stuff. No, no, no. Uta Hagen sucks. Early Uta Hagen, I was big into it. After he discovered himself and got comfortable with his genre. Sold out.

So do explain experimental theater, because we are dumb and we like to learn things. It was cool and it didn't, it was fun for me because it's a completely different style of acting than what I was used to with, you know, scene study and doing films and television. It was, a lot of it was movement based. So, and we did writing and directing as well.

You're not helping to spell this Big Lebowski image that I have in my head. Like, this is. There's a chair, there's some nice chairs and a few boxes. It's movement based. It's like. So what do you do?

Tyrannosaurus Rex is from Jurassic Park and watch it. Dance around? There, well, we had a lot of European teachers and we worked with like the Merce Cunningham Ballet Studio. So there's a lot of dance and stuff in the early years, but then it comes to finding characters through movement and sort of writing things from the inside out rather than like a beginning, middle, and end.

This is some high level shit. I do not understand. It was great. It took four years to learn it. Yeah. So what does it mean to write something from the inside out? If I was to write a screenplay, usually it'd be like, okay, I want to tell this story and this genre

and these are going to be the three acts and everything. And with the experimental theater wing, it's like we'd be improving some scene, these two people starting with nothing and maybe not even saying anything. And then it'd be like, okay, I'm starting to find a character here. Like I'm going to file that away for later

and sort of build something around that. Got it. Yeah. So what if we gave you like a big time idea? Could you write a script? Sure. It's a great writing challenge. So like it's dogs with boners that run through the snow.

That's a great. Well, initially it's just one dog and they make fun of him like Rudolph kind of. And so he's got a boner and they're like, oh, it's providing too much drag on the dog sled. But then it turns out you can find your way back to camp because they get the king gets lost. Based on the trail left by his boner.

It's been written. There it is. Like, yeah, we got it. All right. Just wrote it for you. We just brainstorming. We want your approval. And we got it.

What's the name of the dog? Isn't it just called dog boner? Boner dog. Oh, well, we could just, we could, I mean, dog boners could be the theater version. That's the de-constructed version of it. Yeah, we're going inside out. Yeah.

Okay. So you go, you're a childhood actor, unbelievable. Everyone in all these movies that everyone talks about, then you get to, you go to school and then you come out of school. Did you have a moment where you're like, fuck, I'm not like the hottest name. I should have not gone to school?

No, cause I didn't really want that. And still the fame is the least appealing part of it for me. I really like coming to this city because, paradoxically, it's a really crowded city, but you can kind of be more anonymous here. So afterwards, and I did kind of just refuse to move back to Los Angeles for a couple of years and I was doing a play in Philadelphia

and my agent was like, can you please come back to Los Angeles? You make my job very difficult doing stuff like that. So yeah, it's a period of going back and auditioning and then things like Entourage and Silicon Valley sort of kick things off. Yeah. Silicon Valley, I like your character

in Silicon Valley a lot. You're into micro dosing, right? Is that, I think Palmer Lucky is. Okay, we sort of didn't base it on him. 2019. Can you explain what micro dosing is? I want to get into it. It is very popular with the Silicon Valley people.

They'll take like an extremely small dose of LSD or MDMA or something. So not enough to have a complete psychedelic experience, but just to have a current, they think it makes them productive and to think outside the box. Just buzz. That's why Elon Musk sent all those weird tweets,

probably. Micro dosing. So he needs some micro, he needs some micro, his micro dose. Oh, so Elon Musk was actually high on mushrooms when he invented a subway system? I think so. I think that's when he violated something with the SEC

where he's like, I'm taking it private. Don't tweet that. It was a joke. It was 420. You guys just didn't get it. You don't understand advanced levels of humor. 420 is funny because it's pot. It is interesting though,

because I feel like a lot of people, there are many child actors who don't have that second career where they grow up and they are adults. And do you ever look back and you're like, man, I'm not lucky. Again, I don't want to say you're lucky, but saying you kind of beat the odds a little bit.

I definitely feel lucky. Very, very fortunate to, just any time you get a job at all, it's crazy. You can have a major success with a movie and then you're technically jobless as soon as it's over. So how does that work? Like you just sit or like,

if you're a Hollywood actor, you're basically hoping that your agent is out there getting you work, but you could have a dry spell of a year? It's definitely possible, you know? And now I think a lot of actors are more and more comfortable. In the past, you maybe wouldn't want to be

quote unquote stuck on a TV show for a really long time. But now that with all the streaming stuff and everything, it's nice to have that consistent job, I think, waiting for you and it's really like, I think a dream of a lot of actors that if you get on that one show that runs for four, five, six years. Those guys on Silicon Valley, I mean,

it's a great job to have you after you. You get residual checks from anything? Less now, and from stuff like Forrest Gump, stuff I did on TV in the 90s, when you do a streaming thing for Amazon or Hulu or stuff now, that's gone. That's what a lot of the strikes with the writers and with the actors unions have been,

we haven't figured out a way to compensate people in that way because if you were an actor who worked occasionally, you could live off of those residual checks and now they just don't exist anymore. Also, credit to your parents for not stealing all your money when you were a kid. That was very nice of them.

That's huge. That was like William H. Macy's character in Magnolia where his parents take all his money. That's huge, I feel like that's step one of a child actor kind of flaming out is your parents steal all your money. It also seems like your parents, I mean, I don't know the whole backstory, obviously,

but it seems like you just kind of happened into this audition process or the head shot at Ikea. They probably didn't set out saying, Haley's gonna be a superstar. That definitely made a difference too because yeah, there's some parents that go out there and sort of that's their career to sort of try and make that happen.

My parents are like, if you don't like it, you can quit tomorrow. So that was nice not to have any pressure with it. Yeah, yeah. Do you ever think about sliding doors moment? Like if you had been a failed actor, you have a great assassination name. Like you'd be a great guy.

It's the triple name, right? Yeah, the triple name. I better avoid assassinations. And it's just scruntled like actor, like how he couldn't make it as an actor or that he just went and shot it. There's that, maybe that's the B-plot of a boner dog. Yeah.

I like that. I like that a lot. It's very good. The dogs are running away with the child that's trying to be assassinated. You're hunting them. Yeah. Haley's a lost man.

You know how in Lord of the Flies, people forget it's like, oh, also like the apocalypse happened. Everybody met at the end, they're like, oh yeah, there was a nuclear war. I got that framing device. So the dog boner camp is happening, but also the president has been shot.

Like that's the backdrop of the movie. Yeah, I like that. I like that. Do you get stage fright? There's definitely adrenaline. And with theater particularly, there's a big rush of going out there because if you just, if you forget your lines

or if you just, if you mess up at all, like there's no correcting it. There's no action and cut there. But I think that's something you don't want to lose ever. Like I'm pretty comfortable and I don't get anxiety doing it, but you do want that kind of rush to sort of give you the energy to do it. Right, it's like a little bit of fear

kind of motivates you to work harder and make sure that you've got it all memorized beforehand, right? Absolutely. Have you ever forgotten a line on stage? No, I've been pretty good on stage. One of my favorite stories is that though, I think Asif Manvi said that he went up

on his lines doing a Shakespeare play and you can't improvise your way out of it in Shakespeare. Everyone knows. Like no one can help you, you're just sort of out there twisting in the wind. I do have that dream though where you're about to go. I had a dream that I was doing a play, I was doing 10 years ago like tomorrow

and I've forgotten all my lines. I couldn't tell you one line from that play. It sounds terrible. So do you memorize all the lines when you're in a movie or something? Yeah, I like to depending on the role. I mean, I don't know, I don't know how it works. I can't memorize.

I'd like to memorize like a scene and then be like, all right, I'm gonna forget that. My brain can't hold that much information at one time. Definitely. I definitely immediately forget it though. But once we've done a scene, I can't recall it. I can learn stuff pretty quick, but then it's gone. What's the most amount of takes you had to do?

Most takes, most of the directors I've worked with, has either been in an indie film and you just don't have time to do a lot of takes. Actually, one that comes to mind, we had this, in this movie I did Sex Ed, Glenn Powell, comes, runs out to like greet me in our apartment and he's covered in lube and he has this fall and he bounces off an air mattress and like slides up to me

and we was like, we're coming down to the wire on the last day and we did like 15 times in a row and he got it on the last one. So it's usually technical stuff that recalls it. It's a luxury when you have a director that wants to do take after take after take when it's just because they want different versions. Oh, so you'd prefer that?

It depends. There's some, sometimes rehearsal is useful and sometimes it's good to just go into it cold so that your reaction is really spontaneous, you know? It's, there's definitely different ways to approach it. I've always wondered when you're filming a movie like the Sixth Sense or something else that has kind of a complex narrative surrounding it,

how do you kind of maintain the continuity of the storyline despite the fact that you might be shooting one scene on a Wednesday that takes place earlier in the script than a different one that happens Friday and later? I don't know if I'm even phrasing this correctly, but... It's a huge challenge if you're shooting it all out of order and you've got to, that's when it is good to memorize the whole movie beforehand

because you've got to know beforehand where you are in an emotional state, everything. And that's one of my biggest fears is that when you see it all stitched together, you're like, oh, I wasn't considering that he had just walked out of a huge argument with his girlfriend or something and he's going to be hanging over the next scene.

Hank is our producer and he did that to us once and we did like a little skit and we did it all out of order and it still has fucked up our brands. We're still like, wait, why do we do it that way? It looks like momentum or something. Yeah, exactly. It was so confusing.

But on a serious note, what is the most helpful thing you can have to get over that? Is that the director's job? To kind of make sure that everybody is kind of coming in with the same mentality and like all focused on what's happening in this scene? Yes, directors and producers and everything,

they're really great. They have a good way, like you can, like we sort of did AI in order because it was Steven Spielberg who has all the power in the world to be able to get to certain locations when he needs to and everything. But yeah, if it's, you know,

it's really comes down to the scheduling because sometimes it's not easiest for the production to do things in the order of the script. So they have to kind of find a middle ground between those two things. Interesting. You hunt lizards. Well, I don't kill, I was collecting them

when I was growing up and I still have a leopard gecko that I've had this one for like 10 years now and I had one that lived to be 25 that passed away last year. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. Thank you. It was his name was Pete.

I got him when I was like six years old. Yeah. Damn. But they live for like 30 years. Yeah, that's great. That's commitment. It's wild. Do they have personalities?

He did. I think that any animal, you spend a lot of time with it, you start to pick up on its things and even though it's a reptile and doesn't exactly like to be like, you know, it doesn't need to be petted. It does like food.

So when I'd come in the door, it would come. Right, right, right. So you're a lizard guy? Yeah. Yeah, I like reptiles a lot. Okay. Do you think that's a negative or a positive? Oh, I think it's positive.

When I said that out loud right now, what was your name? Yeah. Haley Joel Osman. You're a lizard guy. Yeah, like the reptiles. Better than a ferret guy. Yeah.

Oh, way better. What is that community? I don't know. I don't know. Are you a snake guy? I like snakes. Yeah. I'm crazy about feeding rodents to them though,

so that's why I don't have one. You never owned a snake? No, never had a snake. Okay, because I feel like people really don't like snakes. Well, lizard guys, you're teetering on the edge of, can't trust this guy. Snake guy, now it's, don't leave anything, like don't leave anything you love around a snake guy

because he'll just take it. He's got tattoos, he's got the whole fucking thing. You know what I mean? It's biblical. I think a lizard guy is, you're one, you're always one bad weekend away from becoming a snake guy. That's true.

If things go off the rails. One part doesn't come through, your eyes are like, you fucking, I'm getting a boa. I think it's the number of lizards. If it's one in a tasteful like desert terrarium that's not in the kitchen, you know, that's, then it's fine. If it's all over the place.

You ever have a fire salamander or what? No, they're super cool though. They're pretty cool. That was a cool. We had an intern that was really into fire salamanders. Are they the big ones or like? I'll have to check the PowerPoint. It's been awesome, so ready.

Are the Geico commercials, like is that true to form for the Geco's? No. Okay. I don't know. You are the lizard expert. Yeah, do you get a part of my takes lizard expert now? Yes.

Do you get upset when you see lizards being like incorrectly portrayed in the media? Yeah, yeah. The representation is important and they do not have British accents. Usually for more equatorial zones, by lizards from Pakistan. Oh, you're really, you're really crushing

all of our fantasies here, man. They don't have, they don't have English accents. They don't. Do you, have you watched the video, the viral video of you saying I have AIDS and then the cat plays you off? Yes. That was like the mid 2000s

and like before smartphones and everything. So I just kind of heard about it, but had no way to really look it up. So it was later, I think when Conan like challenged me to the ice bucket challenge, that's when I saw the full litany of things that he'd been doing with the Walker thing. Now that scene, which we actually have a table reading,

if you'd like to do a table reading with us, we do that with all the actors. That scene, you filmed that after Forrest Gump. That's right. So does that mean that Little Forrest had AIDS? It's possible, if it's all the same cinematic universe. Oh shit, that, now what you just said. And that character in the Walker,

Texas Ranger expanded universe. What you just did right there. That's like Bill Walton, it's all one song. It's all one song, it's all one movie. Yeah. Fuck. That was good. It's a, that movie, or I think of it as a movie

because it was a special two-parter. Brian James, who played one of the replicants in Blade Runner was in that. And then I just worked with Edward James, almost on like slowly moving towards getting to be a completist on Blade Runner, which makes me. There you go.

There you go. Who was a more talented actor? Tom Hanks or Chuck Norris? Well, Chuck Norris, it's not really acting. It's a lifestyle, you know? He just is Chuck Norris, you know? What is it when rain falls on Chuck Norris, he doesn't get wet when he gets Chuck Norris?

Yeah. Yeah, the Chuck Norris jokes of like the, yeah, like 10, that was pre- Classic. Internet 1.0. 1.0. Did he want to do the scene? Yeah, let's do the scene.

Let's do the table reader. All right, let's do the table reader. Bring me back. All right, so. You're gonna play Haley. Hank, you wanna be, Hank, you be Walker. Hank's gonna be Walker, PFT's gonna be the woman, I'm gonna be the man.

You have to kiss me at one point. All right, here we go. It seems so much shorter. Oh, sorry, I already screwed up. You gotta do it in your, I didn't have time to memorize it before. I didn't have time to memorize it before. You know what, you were six at the time or whatever, so.

It seems so much shorter than a week and in a way a lot longer. I know what you mean. Hey there, welcome home. It's okay, I'm Alex, I'm a man now. Wait, I gotta kiss you. Can I kiss you? Can I kiss you?

Just do it. No, I'm gonna kiss him. Okay. That's my only chance at kissing a little. All right, just like on set. Okay. Yeah. Oh.

That felt good. All right. That was nice. You gotta go. Wait, hang on. Do just an extra cut of it. I do declare. Do an extra cut of it.

I got a vapus from Kiss of Caleb. Do a kiss into this thing. Thank you. Thank you. And how are you doing, little partner? Fine, and it's a little visitor now. Al Bodig is how you say it in Cherokee. Part of my French, but I'll be damned.

Walker told me I have AIDS. And scene. All right, that was great. That was the end of the episode. Yeah. Wait, was that really? No. It'd be great if it was just a cut to black right there.

I assume that there was some selective editing with the cats coming in. Yeah, that was scene. Who was the man? Who was his partner? Oh, the guy who was always on the call. Was it Wilford Brimley? No.

I should have been. I was just sick of all old guys with big mustaches. Yes, Sam Elliott. Oh, Wilford Brimley wasn't that, wasn't he? Is he? Yeah, that's right. Might have been him. There we go.

Perfect, I nailed it. I'm gonna educate you a little bit. You probably don't know this. We learned this a couple of weeks ago on the show. Do you know what it means when someone says break a leg? I don't know the origin of it. Because they hope that you make it into the cast. That's terrific.

Very clever. You probably should get a refund on your tissue education. One thing I will say, because you'll see actors kind of win, so if you say it, you're not supposed to say good luck before a performance. Really? Bad luck to say good luck when you're talking to an actor.

So is bad luck good luck? No, I don't think that's an exception. Would you ever go up to a fellow actor right before their scene and just be like, would it be a real shame if you screwed this up? Yeah, that's what I do. It's a real shame. It's a real shame.

A lot of mind games. Mind games is how you assert dominance. What was it like being around Bruce Willis? That added a very impressionable age. He was just super cool. They set up a little driving range pad down in the basement of the convention center, so he was always down there hitting balls.

He DJed the parties on the weekends. It was a very, for a horror movie, it was a very, very fun time doing this. He was a DJ. Like he was on the ones and the twos? And I think that he, I don't know if he was DJing back then, but in the 70s, I believe there was a bar in Midtown where he and John Goodman were the bartenders.

Oh my God, that's pretty damn good. That would be pretty damn good. Bruce Willis is a cool guy. I hung out with him in Vegas one time. Oh really? Yeah, he's shorter than I thought he'd be. Well, you're pretty sure. Yeah, I know I am.

But like, is he shorter than you? No, he's taller than me, but he's shorter than I thought he'd be. Got it, got it. Yeah, no, he's- That's an actor thing. It is an actor thing. Yeah, time. What was it like making the transition from being,

you know, mostly like drama, some horror stuff, switching over into more comedy based stuff recently? It really just was a change in the industry. There was just this explosion of improv and podcast and all that stuff. And two things happened that sort of got me in working on those more. I did a mini series called The Spoils of Babylon

with Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig and Toby McGuire and then Michael K. Williams in season two. And that was an introduction to like a big comedy world right there. And then I was on the Comedy Bang Bang TV show for two seasons and sort of got to know those guys who were very, very funny. Yes, very funny guys.

What's it like working with Will Ferrell? I mean, who were you with recently? Oh, we had, who'd we have? Kevin Hart in last week. Oh, yeah. He was saying that he's like just funny all the time. Yes, definitely one of those people who is just always-

Effortless? Yeah, around the clock. Yeah, and the thing we did for our scene was it was supposed to be a really badly made like 70s mini series. So sometimes Will Ferrell played like the author of it and then sometimes he would play, he would take parts from other actors

and show up in split screen and everything. So he played the Shah of Iran while I was obviously in a different room like having this back and forth with him. It was bizarre. All right, so I have one last question. It's the Seekik question put in promo code take. You get $10 off your Seekik purchase.

So you're in pay it forward. That's correct. How does that work? Being in pay it forward? No, pay it forward. Can you pre-pay it forward? Interesting. I'm shocked that how often stuff like that still happens.

Like the coffee line thing. It can't do that. They just keep paying for it all the time. And then there's always one guy who's like, I'm driving there right now to break the cycle. So it's one person who does that. But yeah, it's a really, it's an idea that's really lasted for a lot of you.

But if I wanted to pre-pay it. Pre-pay it, put it on a card. Well, like if I want to win a bet later today, I'm gonna be really nice. You know what I mean? Many lizard guys aren't that bad. Oh yeah, I see how it is. Back time, pre-pay it forward.

Yeah. You just described karma. Covering your basis, yeah. Yeah, I think that's just the guide for life. It's like, just treat everybody nice because you never know what you're gonna need from them later. Yeah. We should actually, you should re-release pay it forward

every few years because when it first came out, there was like a wave of people like, hey, this idea of just being nice to people is kind of cool. Yeah. Yeah, that's the mid-90s or the late 90s luxury. Yeah. Oh man, this is a novel concept. Yeah.

Well, we're on it. You should also do a sequel to Forrest Gump. Like I want to see what old young Forrest looks like. There was a book, I think. Yeah. There was a sequel in the- Without feathers? Was that the name of it?

That sounds familiar. I don't think that's something else. He became an astronaut. He went to space with his monkey named Sue. Is that true? Yeah, totally. No, this is actually what happened to him. I gotta read that.

Surprised I didn't make that. Yeah, yeah. All right, well, Hailey, thank you so much. Thank you. Appreciate it. I was talking to you guys. Again, extremely wicked, shockingly evil, and vile out January 26 Sundance.

Zac Efron plays Ted Bundy. That's right. And Future Man season two is streaming on Hulu, all episodes right now. How much weed do you smoke with when you hang out with Seth? None. Really?

I don't know what their daily regimen in, but they work at a really fast pace, and he and Evan Goldberg are managing four other shows at the same time. They think you're a narc, just so you know. I'm just not invited. No, I went and did another series of theirs in Toronto right after Future Man.

And the whole time, this season, we're like, oh, Seth and Evan are in Canada doing the other show. And then I got to that show, and they're like, Seth and Kevin are in Paris doing their other show. You're like, there's always men behind the curtain. That's crazy. But yeah, they think you're a narc.

They're probably like, we can't hop a week to the lizard guy. They saw me hanging out with the Texas Rangers. Still a deputy. Oh man, all right, Hailey. Thank you so much. Thank you, guys. That interview with HJO was also brought to you by Roman.

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I got a pick for you guys, by the way. This is, I'm gonna throw this out there. It's obviously, by the time people listen to it, they'll know if it's wrong or not. Jimmy Butler's playing the Wolves for the first time. Okay, so take the over on his points. Yeah, over 30 and a half points rebounds and assists. He's gonna do the same thing that he did in the practice.

Yeah. He's just gonna go off. He's gonna alpha the fuck out of him. So let's ask the question, is the Sixers starting lineup better than the Timberwolves C-Team? No, I'm thinking about it. Is Andrew Wiggins gonna maybe play on him? That's gonna be, oh, whatever, just take it.

And if I'm wrong, everyone just laugh at me tomorrow. But I'm gonna be right, so it doesn't really matter. Okay, segments. Hank, why don't you decide which segment you wanna do first? Cause we have two great ones to lead off. Donner finished or Trouble in Paradise? Trouble in Paradise.

Okay, so Trouble in Paradise, what's going on with the Celtics? There's a bit of a leadership problem. What is that? Yeah, who's on their leadership committee? Yeah, you need one. Well, Kyrie has been very outspoken saying that the young guys need to pick it up.

They're not, they don't have what it takes to be a championship team as of now. He's pulling a LeBron on them when LeBron was the one he hated. Right, so he's taking, basically taking shots. It's like when you grow up to be your father. Jaylen Brown and Jason Tatum. I do love my dad.

Have been affected by the fact that Kyrie Irving is back. Dad, he's always happy. They had all of his minutes in the playoffs last year. So they have problems with their playing time this year. They've gone smoke two games in a row. Sounds like Brad Stevens coaching for his job. Seems like they need to do something.

Maybe not blow it up. They need, they do need like a veteran experience. They need a fight. Yeah, exactly. They need to have something that galvanizes them. They need to get into a brawl with a fan. Yeah. That's the best way to get your team together.

Get in a hockey fight. That's guaranteed to win a game. But basically Kyrie Irving called them out before Monday nights game. And so you would think that would be like a light of fire under their ass. Get them going. And then Monday nights game, they went down by 40.

They came back, but it was still. And that's the scrappy. But let me ask you this, Hank. Has there been a players only meeting yet? Yes. Oh, that's bad already. Because you don't want to pull back. That's the ace up your sleeve.

Yeah, well, who called it? Did Gordon Hayward call it? No, Haywarded. OK, so that's the leader. So he's not able to be a leader yet, because they don't trust him, because he wasn't playing last year. Who do you put the blame on? Kyrie.

Oh, why? He wanted to be a leader. He left Cleveland to come and have his own team. I mean, I don't think what he's saying is wrong necessarily, like the young guys do have to step up. But he keeps talking about they need a veteran. They need a leadership. He is kind of supposed to be like that leader.

And Hayward would be, but Hayward's not the same Gordon Hayward that they thought they were getting. So it's like, I feel like it is tough for him to be like, come on, guys, let's step it up when he himself isn't really like playing at an all-star caliber. I just think that it's funny that the wheels came off of the Celtics franchise when Hank didn't come with us to go visit them.

Gordon Hayward called you out. After that point, things have really not gone according to plan. So panic level. Four. Four out of five? Oh, jeez. Out of ten. Out of ten.

Oh, damn. Here's a spin zone for him, though. You got the all-star break coming up soon. That's just basically God's reset button. Yeah. Danny Age loves trades. That's true. Yeah, everyone's on the trading box.

Don't pick up the phone. If Danny Age calls, you don't pick up that phone. Also, Danny Age is a Mormon. I would like to say that. I made an error last show. Yeah, he is a Mormon. Yeah. Okay.

Okay, so please update the records. Everyone, please go back. Listen to Monday's show. And when we say is Danny Age a Mormon, just correct us and say yes, he is. And that should do it, right? Okay, next up, done or finished? Duke.

Oh, finished. Oh, man. That's all you want. The blueprint is out on how to beat Duke. And it's twofold, right? Yep. One, make a 55-yard three-pointer at the end of the half. You're in football season.

55 yards is from the stands. 55, sorry, 55 foot. It was past half court, right? That's a 50-yard line. So make a long three-pointer. Make a three-pointer in the opponent's red zone. Yes, exactly. Yeah, kind of.

Yes. Your red zone. My red zone. Well, yeah, you know what I meant. I know what you meant. The other thing is, piss your pants. Yes. Because the blueprint is to have a coach

with a little leaky tinkly going down the front screen. Which might be problematic. Because we are a fuck cancer podcast. We are, but I'm also a piss dogs podcast. Listen, anyone who shames, can't shame a guy who pisses his pants. I'll piss myself right now. It happens.

Also, ultimate alpha move by Jim Bayheim to go to Duke, Cameron Indoor, the crazies, to give hand Duke their first loss of the season and then piss on their floor. That's true. That's almost like my boss, Arod. And you know what? It says Coach K. Kort right next to the sideline.

Jim Bayheim literally pissed on Coach K's name. So Hank, panic button for Duke. Zero. Okay, because I didn't have any of their points. I love this Duke team. These are my favorite Duke teams. They're going to win it all. Wink.

This is why I love this Duke team because they have so many good players. And Zion is unbelievable. But if you have a team that plays good defense, they will start playing like I want to be the hero and they can't shoot like a classic Duke team. So, it's going to be great loss in March. It's going to be great loss in March.

Duke's here. Duke's here, though. Duke's here. Who's the guy that's slapping the floor that's taking annoying charges? Well, Alex O'Conn? Yeah, and Hank's good friend. AOC.

And he actually, RIP. AOC. Oh, what happened? Got an ankle buster. No, but the camera angle's weird, so I don't really saw it. Yeah, those camera angles, the camera indoors, it's elevated, it's a small gym.

Yeah, it's elevated. They did a career high last night. He was playing great. A career high of what? Getting posterized? I think in 19 points. So what was it? Oh, wow, that's pretty good.

17 point underdogs on the road? Yeah, 17 and a half. Listen, I hate to be the guy that bet on Duke last night. Oh, man, that's tough. I'm calling in sick. I'm not showing my face for a long time. Yeah, the boss will not be giving you that raise this year. You've been on Duke last night?

Is it a minus 17? Hey, you must think they're really good. Do you think that maybe Zion Flue has infected? Like everyone's so enamored with his spectacular watching. Yes, exactly, the spectacular dunks. It's like, oh, what incredible physical feet is he going to pull off next that they don't feel like they have to pull their weight?

It is fun hearing the announcer's trying to explain how RJ Hunter's good. No, hey. Zion's going to be number one, but RJ Hunter, he's pretty good too. I do like watching Zion. The one, more than just like everyone says the dunks, that's fine.

The dunks are the sports center top 10 highlights. My favorite thing that Zion does is probably two or three times a game. He will just say, I'm getting this rebound and like put backs and he'll get like four rebounds in a row. And it looks like he's playing with little kids. Do you think that rubs his teammates the wrong way when he takes their stats away?

Probably. He does interceptions on rebounds. The picking Zion, yeah, yeah, there you go. He turns his whole team into rubber-neckers. Coach K is going to have to take away their clothes. Like he always does and makes them practice naked. He's going to strip their Ds right off. Is Coach K's back okay?

You killed that joke so much, like it's like, oh, so it was bad. So it was bad. He goes down and like the first half and the big cat posts the same gift over and over and over again. Oh, that's just my favorite gift ever because he's just like, he just tips over. Find a new slant. Okay, all right, we'll get off of the Hank stuff.

So bad visual, Adam Gase. Adam Gase in his introductory press conference in front of the New York media, which New York media, they're really nice, right? They're cool. Wait, we are the New York media. Oh, yeah, shit. Yeah, no, they're also media elite.

So he had maybe the weirdest, like, I don't even know what it was. His eyes were just darting everywhere. He had a weird face. He looked like he was being held hostage. And I don't want to be a complete reactionary, knee-jerk reaction guy, but he's done. He cannot survive in the big city.

Jim Tomsul, they got Jim Tomsul when he did, remember that press conference when he, no, not the fart. The first one, when they asked him, like, what type of defense? He was like, he was like sweating everywhere. If you have a bad first impression, you're done. This kind of thing can fly.

You know, we'll let it slide in small markets, like Miami and Chicago. But you come to New York, you can't bomb your first press conference like this. You just can't. It's going to chase you around. It's going to follow you right behind. He looked like he was an alien who was just

learning what cameras were for the first time, as they were asking him these questions. I actually googled Adam Gase Tourette's, because I didn't know if I was missing out on something, and maybe he did have some sort of an affliction that that would explain that didn't want to go there. So maybe undiagnosed, I don't know. But it was bad.

But in fairness to the Jets, they've tried having coaches that don't look like they took their helmet off in Mars in total recall before. That hasn't worked. That hasn't worked. So why not go the other way? The Adam Gase thing is so funny to me, because Adam Gase was like Matt LaFleur, Cliff Kingsbury,

Sean McVeigh, Matt Nagy, like three years ago. That's how fast it can turn on the perception. He's got a little balding. He's on the wrong side of 40, and he's no longer the young QB Whisperer that's going to fix everything. Oh, speaking of QB Whisperers, guess who's back? Who? Ben McAdoo-Doo.

Oh. So I don't know if he's actually going to get the job, but Cliff Kingsbury brought him in specifically to interview him for that job. To have him stand next to Cliff Kingsbury, so people are like, wow, Cliff Kingsbury really is hot. I was going to say, like, Ben McAdoo looks at Cliff Kingsbury, like Mark Davis looks at John Gruden.

He's like, birds of a feather, maybe this guy. We're going to be the new hot boys in town. We both have great hair. This is awesome. Yeah, Cliff Kingsbury. That's a really mean move. That's basically when a woman puts, like, her less fit friends in the wedding party.

That was very, very diplomatic. Yeah, I was very, I just did, I was like, what was it? What was the movie where the- You were like a cat walking on a clothesline right there. What was the movie where the woman goes through the lasers? Shallow How. No, you know what I'm talking about. When she's like going like-

You're talking about entrapment. Catherine Zeta Jones. Yeah, there we go. Boom. I was going to say Angelina Jolie. That movie made me feel- All kinds of ways. Great about Sean Conner.

Great performance. The look. Hank. Your butt fits through those lasers. It's incredible. Womack. Like, butter dripping through the cross. I knew it was you.

I fucked the prom queen. Oh yeah, they're on a great line. Oh no, that's what- No, Nick K says that. He goes, I married the prom queen. Losers complain. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen. He's like, I married the prom queen.

Yeah. Wow. Good one. Cool, man. You got it, Nick Cage. That means that you can't fuck more prom queens. So you're a big loser. All right, Hank.

Go ahead. Guys on checks? Yeah. So, because PFT said fashion advice is allowed this week, and even though this isn't fashion advice, I dress very well. I need your help. A guy at work has told me multiple times

he likes my dresses and shirts I wear. Then the other day, he told me he likes my boots. Is he gay or trying to get it? Thanks, boys. Wait, what was it? What was it? Dresses and boots. But first, it was dresses and shirts.

Dresses and shirts I wear. Maybe he doesn't know. Maybe he's trying to figure that out for himself. I think the boots thing, though, I feel like that's a I want to fuck thing. Is that, well, it'd be worse if he asked you to see, to take your boots off so he could look at your feet. This is where, you know, just be like,

hey, thank you so much for all the compliments. Move along. Actually, no, this is what you do. Wear something ridiculous. Like, wear sandals in January and see if he compliments me. Be like, those are very fashionable and completely appropriate clothes for this weather that you're wearing right now.

You're full of shit. Yes, if he tosses a compliment at you when you really don't deserve one, he wants to fuck you. Then he's just trying to fuck. Yeah, guys are very simple. It's like, that's our one go-to move. Yeah.

Sup, boys. So you know when you're pregnant and your boobs get bigger? Yeah. Can I get my body to think I'm pregnant and grow my boobs without actually getting pregnant? Yes, yes you can. And here's how. You just hold a baby.

You steal a friend's baby. And then you just carry it around with you. And the sound of the baby crying will make your breasts enlarge. And great, great fun tip. It's actually form birth control because your period will stop too. Also drink a lot of milk because it's got to go somewhere, right? Absolutely. To the tits.

Yeah, that's how I got tits. I can drink more than my boyfriend. So should I get a new boyfriend? Or do I need to reevaluate my drinking habits? Tough one. Maybe get another boyfriend. Yeah, maybe go to AA. So I was going to say get two, one that you go out for dinners with

and then the other that you go out and rage with. Yeah. That's the both worlds. That's okay though. Just emasculate him all the time in front of his friends. That's what you really got to do. Be like, you can't even drink pussy. And then he'll love that.

We have very fragile egos, guys. Just remember that, ladies. Hi there, big cat and tiny Tim. My question, that was just kind of mean. I don't know if you've seen the first of all, I don't know if you saw the picture of me with HJO or me and Kevin Hart. I grew a monster. I grew like seven inches.

So now I'm six, five. Why are some nipples sensitive and some nipples completely feelingless? Is that true? I don't, I only have two nipples in their mind. My auxiliary nipples don't, they're not as sensitive. Got it. I can still get off when I rub them, but it takes me longer. My nipples are sensitive to cold and that's about it.

Not really to touch. No. So that's, that's me talking about my nipples. I actually think that if we're talking evolution here. Yep. Like Darwin, when he sat down, he designed titties. Nipples. Was like, I want this to feel good when the baby sucks on them

so that the, set the mom likes breastfeeding. Oh. And so then he made, that's why I made nipples. Some nipples like really sensitive. Got it. Okay. Yeah. Sure.

Okay. Last one. Hey guys, especially Hank. Hey, thank you. No, that wasn't, that was not in there. I just gave birth a couple of months ago and I'm now in need of tips to tighten up my stomach. They cat any tips on the year of the core.

How's the year of the core doing? I actually am down 10 pounds. I'm still about 10 pounds away from anyone being like, Hey, you actually look good. Cause I was that overweight, but I am down 10 pounds. So what up now, haters? I'm definitely going to stick to this thing. Not put it back on.

You're sick. I was so fucking fat. I was, I was, I mean, I was walking around like 255. Really? Yeah. That's a big boy. Didn't look that much. You could see it in my face late December.

I had that like, I know, I'm just being nice. I had that washed, like, you know, John Belushi. Last days of John Belushi look. The nice thing though, it wasn't good. It wasn't good. If it's around the holidays, everybody else has a little more walking around way.

Right. Anywhere sweaters. I'm bloated from the airplane travel. Yeah. I guess, I mean, I, this is a real tip. I do use Tim Ferriss diet, which has worked for me. And I think it works for anyone who wants to do it for real. 20 pounds in 30 days is what it's called.

Google it, Tim Ferriss diet. You got to do it strict. But you get one cheat day where you can go to McDonald's sober and it's not sad. Well, it's not sad for you. Right. Yeah. It's sad.

It's been sad for me. I would actually recommend just lipo. Just if you guys. Yeah, that works. Yeah. If you just got some easy money. P90X. Remember P90X?

Yeah. Did you do P90X? I never did. Oh, I bought the DVDs. How much were those like a hundred? A lot of money. I didn't really do them. That was such a racket.

Yeah. I did it like two days and then I was like, wait, I'm just working out way too hard in my living room. This sucks. I do, I do P90X normally. It's called sports. Hmm. Just a natural athlete like myself.

Hank, how do you, how are you going to lose your winter weight? I don't have any winter weight. I'm trying to gain weight. Interesting. Oh, I put on weight. Are you, you want to have a weight gain off? Sure. Last time that happened to you, you got quite the belly.

I got big. Yeah, you got big. Yeah, you got big. You just gained it all in your belly, which I actually am jealous of. Like an old Russian dude, which is a big pot belly. All right. That's our show. We'll see everyone on Friday NFC and NFC championship preview.

Let's go. It's going to be cold. That's going to suck for the Patriots. So you have to play in the cold. Love you guys. Hey, yo, man. Yeah, let's take on so long. Sorry.

Put the calm down. Maybe come on. Oh, oh, oh, stop. Stop, pull off, pull off. Wish step on me. Lord, I don't cry no more. Don't look to the sky no more. Have mercy on me.

His pussy niggas putting money on my head. Go on, get your refund, motherfucker. I ain't dead. I'm the diamond in the dirt that ain't been found. I'm the underground king that ain't been crowned. When I round some special heaven every time, I'm the greatest. Something like I leave this prime. I walk the block with the bundles.

I've been knocked on the hunger swing the ox. When I rub you, show your ass to my gun. Got to tip a nigga, go ahead. Lose your head. Turn your back on me. Get clapped and lose your legs. I walk around, gun on my waist. Chimp on my shoulder top.

Bust a clip in your face. Poster this beef ain't over. Many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many. Wish step on me. Lord, I don't cry no more. Don't look to the sky no more. Have mercy on me. Have mercy on my soul.

Somewhere my rock turn cold. Have mercy on me. Many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many. Wish step on me. It's part of my take presented by Barstool Sports.