Pardon My Take - Hank Azaria, Randy Moss With Derby Picks, And Uncle Chaps Roasts Us

Episode Date: May 4, 2018

Lebron owns the city of Toronto ( 2:38 - 8:17). The Celtics have stopped the process and Ben Simmons put in an all time stinker (8:17 - 10:53). The Australians on the Utah Jazz made it a series in Houston (10:53 - 14:20). The Caps lost to the Penguins but it was really the refs fault (14:20 - 17:11). Brain Dump Friday we're going to buy all of RG3's old hashtags (17:11 - 21:18). Hank Azaria joins the show to talk Sam Darnold, the Mets, Brockmire Season 2, and what makes an announcer great (21:18 - 48:48). Randy Moss joins the show to give us his Kentucky Derby picks and debunk the famous Curse of Apollo (48:48 - 60:50). Segments include hmmm for Kurt Warner, Peter King didn't eat the trash, Not to brag but we called it, and Uncle Chaps joins us to read roasts (60:50 - . You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music. Today's part of my take, we have recurring guest Friday. Hank Azaria joins us, and we have a fun discussion with him. Brock Meier Season 2 is out. We enjoy our time with Hank. We had a really fun talk with him, and then we have the original Randy Moss back with

Kentucky Derby winners. You're going to want to bet the big race on Saturday, so you're going to want to listen to Randy Moss. We also have a recap of the NBA Playhouse, and our good friend Chaps, Uncle Chaps, on to Roast Us. Before we get to all of that though, award-winning listeners, you know we're switching to Cash App. We've already switched.

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Brian Collins. So it's super easy, download the Cash App, you get $5 if you put in promo code Barstool, that's free money, $5 to go save some animals, and if you tweet us your cash tag at part of my take, you might get some more money. We're giving away money, download the Cash App, let's go. Now in the street there is violence, and then a lot of stuff, work to be done, no pistol hang, I love washing, and then I can't live all on the sun, oh no, we're gonna rock down to electric revenue, and then we'll take it higher, oh, we're gonna rock down to electric

revenue. Welcome to part of my take presented by C-Geek, today is Friday, May 4th, and we want to welcome everyone to Lebronto, Canada. I feel like the entire nation of Canada owes us an apology for the way the raptors have played. If you're Canadian, we'll pause for a second, you can say sorry. Say it to your phone, or your moose, or your car, or your moose, or your moose and draft. I accept your apology.

So the raptors, what do you even do? What do you even do if you're a raptors fan? I called this on Wednesday's show, I said that they can't come back from what happened. So Tyran Luke, credit to him, made an excellent coaching adjustment, and he told Lebron and Kevin Love to make more shots this time. That is what is a killer, I mean everything is a killer if you're a raptors fan, because this is just history repeating itself. But game one, we sat here, and I think the whole world said that was the game the raptors

had to win, because Lebron's going to do a Lebron at least twice this series, and Kevin Love can't play worse than he did in game one, and then wouldn't you know it, Lebron had 43, 8, and 14, Kevin Love 31, 10, and 11, and I'm just going to throw this in there, because Hank I know you love when I throw this in there. Jeff Green, 4 for 6 from 3 points. Jeff Green looked amazing tonight. Jeff Green stinks. I thought he stinks.

I thought he was dead. Jeff Green's been on a million NBA teams, and he stinks everywhere he goes, and somehow he is like lighting up the raptors. Well he's a dude that looks like an NBA player. If you see him walking down the street, you're like, I don't know who that is, but he's definitely in the NBA. Rudy Gay, other guy like that. Yeah.

Rudy Gay, you're like, wow. That guy, you let him, you roll out the ball, Rudy Gay is just going to start dunking on people, shooting 3, corner 3, he's just doing everything. How about Hank? Hank's probably pissed off, the Celtics got rid of Jeff Green after a night like this, huh? Yeah, Jeff Green. What do you do?

Nothing. You've tried everything. You've tried having Drake fight one of your bench players. What else can you do? And they went, and the whole raptors this year, they're different, they're deep, which I love. I love the deep argument during the regular season, like it fucking matters in the playoffs when you actually have to play your best players the most amount of minutes, but they're deep,

so they're different. And then you get back to it, and it's just Derosen missing a ton of shots. Kyle Lowry was actually pretty good, but Derosen missed a ton of shots. And the raptors are back exactly where they've been, LeBron owns them. He literally owns the entire state of Canada and the city of Toronto. And it's the capital, so therefore the entire province of Canada is owned by him. Is it? I would have thought for sure it was like Saskatchewan or something.

Quebec. Quebec? Quebec. The city of Quebec is the capital of France, and France owns Canada, which really tells you where Canada's at in life. So that series is now 2-0, and to add insult to injury, Drake has been reprimanded by the NBA for swearing, which is the most Canadian story ever. Like hey, can we not do that bad language?

Yeah, it was actually bad language, was what he was told not to use. Okay, so it wasn't specifically four letter words, it could have been anything. And Drake showed up late, and ESPN put the game on at 6pm because they're like, we know this is going to be embarrassing for Toronto. So let's just try to stash this game as early as possible. Still didn't work. Skip Baillet's probably didn't even see it because he's out in California. Started too early for him, so he's not going to know how to trash LeBron.

By the way, LeBron stat line, what did you say, was 42, 8, and 14? 43, 8, and 14. 43, 8, and 14, that's another one of those LeBron stat lines that I'm just bored with these days. Like that's not impressive. How many points would it take for LeBron to score for you to actually be impressed? He's got to get over, he's got to get a 50 burger. I was going to say 60.

50 burger, and I'm starting to be like, oh, LeBron had an unbelievable game. But that just shows you like how dominant LeBron is, that he sensitized to it. But little silver lining for Toronto, LeBron was 4 for 8 from the free throw line. So he hasn't, he has, he has lost his rhythm ever since they started calling violations. Yeah, he tried to do lane violation at the start of the game, LeBron lanes, and he stepped in and he missed that shot. And then you could see the ref like say something to him, like, hey, we're going to call it on you.

And so he started to do the fade away from the foul line. It is so funny that he had 20 straight free throws that he hit in the Indie series when he was cheating. Yeah, he was taking them from 12 feet. And then they didn't let him cheat anymore, and he now is I think 5 for 16 in the series. So LeBron can't cheat. If you can't dunk on foul shots, it's a little bit harder to make. And then the, so that, I mean, that series is over.

It was already over after game one. Was it sweep? I'm feeling a sweep. I would hope that they, I hope the Cavs sweep them just to put them out of their misery. And here's what the scary thing is after all this, the Cavs are weak, the Cavs are ripe for the upset. What if the Indiana Pacers were the toughest competition for the Cleveland Cavaliers in the East?

I'm just saying what you can now say that like, what if, like that could have been, but let's move on to the other game then. And the Celtics come back from like, what were they down 22 in the second quarter? The process is in a lot of trouble because Ben Simmons throughout a Tony Snell stat line. Would he get one point? One point. That's tough to do.

Minus 24, I think was as possible. That's hard to do even if you try. It's actually incredible because I'm going to give Hank credit here. Hank, his keys to the game was to limit transition, the keys to the series. The Celtics have done that in an unbelievable way. They also have basically cut off Ben Simmons every time he tries to drive and have taken him out of like the offense. Do you think Ben Simmons should be eligible for rookie of the post season next year because

he didn't show up for this one? Hmm. That's a good question. I think he probably should. Or do you think this is just a sophomore slump for him? Yeah. Could be that. You can't use that excuse and collect your rookie of the year.

It's got to be one or the other. Schrodinger's rookie. Yes. And, but here's what, here's what does shock me about this series. The Simmons thing I kind of get because he's a rookie, sophomore, whatever. He's young. This is his first series, whatever. And I guess in bead is the same way, but Al Horford is eating Joellen Beads lunch.

And I did not see that one. It's the mask. I did not see that one. It's got to be the mask. Hank, is it time to ask the question if your Celtics are better off without Kyrie Irving? Hmm. No. No.

But? But? Scary Terry. My favorite NBA player I think. Do you give him a couple more years? He's still got two more years left on his deal, I think. Can you pay everyone? No.

Okay. Well, Terry's pretty cheap. Scary Terry's going to get paid. Only one paycheck. Yeah. Only one guy who can sign the paycheck. Danny Age is going to have a sore wrist. He'll probably trade him for like six number ones somehow.

And yeah, like the Lakers number one for the rest of the time will be going in the Lakers and the Nets. Yeah. So I don't know what to think about that. It's kind of disrespectful to your Celtics that the Sixers were favored in this game, huh? Yeah. In the series too.

Big time in the series. I still think this is going to be a series and maybe that's just dumb thinking because I do, you know, when you have a team like the Sixers that are all basically besides, you know, Reddick and Bell and Ellie, like it's all young guys, going home is going to be big for them. But it will always, you know, young players always play with confidence at all. It was a panic move today, bringing me up there. Yes.

That was a big time panic. And Kevin Hart pulling out all the stops. Kevin Hart versus Drake, who you got if there's a fist fight. I mean, low man. We know, right? Yeah. While I'm going to spin around on you, Drake is in the wheelchair from Degrassi. Oh, so now Drake is a low man.

So now he's just going to run over Kevin Hart. Who's taller? Drake in the wheelchair in Degrassi or Kevin Hart? Kevin Hart going up against Drake in a wheelchair would be like Chanamin Square with that guy standing in front of the tank. Yes. You would just get squashed like that. Yeah.

Yeah. I like that this is the year of celebrity fans. It's getting a little out of hand. Gucci. Gucci's at the game. That's true. Oh, was he? Yeah.

It's Gucci, Meek Mill and Bob Kraft. See you next to each other. And Drake showing up late and being told he can't say the F word. Big time squad. Yeah. Fresh jumpsuit though. Kevin, PFT, I think you need to get a Jazz jersey. Why?

And here's why. Why? They're fucking beating. They beat the Rockets game too. Yeah, I saw that. With Australians. Oh, really? Dante Exum.

You know what I'm saying? Playing great defense on Hardin and Joe Ingalls who might be, like Joe, it might be Joe Ingalls playoffs because he's the most unassuming. He's basically like your fifth friend in your group that you're like, oh yeah, Joe Ingalls, he's okay. Yeah. He just torched the Rockets. He's the guy you go from like one bar to a second bar and you forget that you left

Joe behind. Right. Exactly. Like, oh fuck. Ah, sorry. We'll just catch up with him next week. Where were you guys? I was playing Big Buck Hunter for like 20 minutes.

Yeah. He's the fifth friend that no one ever checks in on when he like falls behind. Yeah. You're just like, ah, someone. Joe's around. Yeah, we'll see him next weekend. It's not a big... He definitely didn't go home with a girl.

No, no. Absolutely. He probably just got a pizza and got a cab. Yeah. Just Joe Ingalls. Yeah. The playoffs have been unbelievable. I, this would be weird though if like the second, if the second round has like more

sweeps in the first round, right? Because you could, I mean the Warriors... I'd be okay with it. I'm ready to move along to the conference finals. Okay. I'm done with the second round. Really? Yeah.

I don't like to say, who likes the second round? I like the second round. I don't like, no. I'm a second round guy. Yeah. That's usually when the Bulls, that's like the peak of the Bulls season. I wanted to get back to the Celtics and the Cavs in the finals. And then on the other side, I'm ready, my body is ready for Warriors Rockets.

I think the Jazz, no, just, no. You're talking yourself into the Jazz. Donovan Mitchell, he's unbelievable. I mean, he dunked, he did one of those dunks and actually Harden had a dunk too like that where you suck the soul out of the other team. Well, Mitchell also had that put back dunk where he like landed, but he never actually landed. He just kind of kept floating through the air, jammed it and then hung on the rim in

people's faces. You see the soul of all the Rockets fans being sucked out of their body. I do like Rudy Gobert. Yeah. I just like any player named Rudy. Just such an unassuming name, Rudy. Yeah. Five foot nothing.

150 nothing pounds. I was off sides. Yeah. You just tell a Notre Dame fan. Rudy was off sides. It's a good one. Big time. Use that.

You guys can take that with you. Big time. Yeah. We're going to talk about the big game of the night. Yeah, we are. Who is it? The Predators and the Jets are in the second period. Everyone's really, man, you talk about a series.

All right. So the Caps. Yeah. It's simple. It's simple what happened tonight. Tom Wilson. Tom Wilson was gone and we were playing 5V. How many refs are there in hockey?

Three, four? Five. Three. Three and a half. So we had the right number. Edit it so we have the right number. We were playing five against eight and a half tonight. Okay.

That's how the boys were skating out there. The rest got this one? Yeah. The refs had it big time. That goal in the second period, these refs were not, okay, so we were skating 5V9 out there. The refs were not familiar with the parallax theory of angles. The exact same goal happened.

They disallowed it. My theory is the shitty ice in Pittsburgh that we talked about makes it difficult to see the puck. It's like looking at a magic eye poster. Yeah. They're like, oh, I see a bunch of french fries on sandwiches and pierogis. And a guy wearing jean shorts. Yeah.

It's the last page of Wears Waldo. Yeah. When it's all Waldos. It's tough to figure it out. Yeah. So I'm blaming the refs on this one. This was not the cap's fault. Although we did get good momentum at the end of the game with that fight, because oh, she

beat the shit out of them. By the way, speaking of Wears Waldo, Hank, did you do Wears Waldo as a kid? Thinking about that, that was really just, that's like, that's a classic, you know, when you get older and you realize the tricks that parents played on you as a kid? Yeah. They just made us look at this fucking stupid book and try to figure out where the nerd was standing. Yeah.

They put you in timeout with a book. They trick you into. What the hell? Yeah. The other thing, when you get to that age where you realize your parents talk about you, that's a scary age. When you're like, what the fuck, they've been narcing on me, like mom and dad have been speaking about me, you know, behind my back.

That sucks. That sucks. That really sucks. All right. So where are you at with the caps? I mean, I'm feeling pretty good still. We're going home. Although we have three games series.

We have been a road team. Yeah. It's a three game series. We shortened it. Yeah. Home ice advantage is still back on. So I'm good. Is there a little piece of you?

No. I don't have any little pieces of me, man. Okay. Is there a little piece of you that you're, you're obviously a diehard caps fan, but you won't have to eat poop if the penguins win. That's, I don't have to eat poop if they win anyways. We don't want to go back down this road. No.

We don't want to. It's Friday. Listen. Okay. Let's not do this on a Friday. I'm still very confident. I'm, I have zero confidence in Barry Trots because I think that he's garbage. Yum.

I don't know what happened with that goal because we're watching the sound off, but it looked to me like he challenged the goal that the refs had just spent five minutes reviewing. Yeah. Somebody will tell me why I'm wrong about that, but that would be the ultimate Barry Trots move. Barry Trots is an all time hockey name too. You can't trust a guy with a Z is their last letter of their name.

Right. And my, my favorites of caps love getting hockey coaches that are fat. Have you ever seen a fat hockey player? You agreed with that way too quickly. I, well, yeah. That was fucked up. I know. You're right.

Uh, where do you say fat hockey player? No, fat hockey coaches. Oh yeah. The caps love getting fat coaches. No, fat. I mean, it's like the fat, there's never been a fat coach that won the Super Bowl like truly fat. Yeah.

So you can't have that. Like Ken Hitchcock. He always jokes. Yes. Even though he has no neck. Yes. I agree. At least this coach doesn't have mustard stains all over his face.

Like Boudreau did. That's true. I do miss Boudreau. It's true. He was the Andy Reed of coaches, except like without all the creativity and going to the conference finals. Yes. I mean, that's, that's a big part of Andy Reed's whole thing.

That's also true. Just going to the championship. Um, did you, I had one brain dump Friday, but I think you already, you're already like part of it. Do you want, do you want me to lay it on you? All right. So you've already done one of these things, but I don't know if you saw RG three has let all of his brands die.

Yeah. And you, you tried to purchase no pressure, no diamonds. I did purchase no pressure. Okay. So I think we need to, we need to swoop in and do the monopoly and just take them all pick up the rest of them. Yes. So it's been an all time high in the last two years.

Right. Well, hmm, I don't know. I think winning the Heisman, no, in the last two years, I'm saying, in the last two years, he is the, well, no, you were to make a chart of the light. Well, he, he got married to Greta and he hit those palm trees with the football on Instagram. That was pretty good. And then, yeah, and then he made that comment on Greta's picture that the dolphin thought it was a starter show, but you were the real starter.

Okay. That was smooth. So his brand is actually at an all time low. Yes. And last, so by low and then we sell high and then we sell them back to him. So here's, here's the other brands that we can buy off of his cause they're now all deceased. Know your why. Okay.

He has know your why and know you are why. So you probably want to buy, well, I mean, if you want to spell it differently, RG three with both the number and the numerals. He doesn't even own his own name anymore. Doesn't own his own name. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. What the fuck?

You don't remember. See, I remember all these when he was a rookie. Yeah. He had his early success and he would say, I would say that it's all been unbelievably believable. That was just off the top of his head though. He didn't like rehearsed that or anything. Now we get, now we get to the, the basic bitch stuff with him.

Go catch your dream. We've got to get that one. That's from Heisman Knight. Yeah. Work hard, stay humble. That one's just, I mean, I'm surprised that he didn't want to hold on to that one. Right. I would, I would think the deli corp would have swooped in on that one.

No pressure, no diamonds, which you've tried to purchase. Go catch your dream. That's another one that you maybe see like, I could see someone getting maybe the Native American dream catcher and inside of it, go catch your dream. That'd be a nice tattoo. That's inception. So wait, wait. You said no pressure, no diamonds is still out there.

Does he have KNOW pressure, KNOW diamonds? No, that has not listed here. Yeah. That's next level stuff. Light you up. Okay. Light you up. So he's an arsonist.

Yeah. And then dream big, live bigger. God damn it. He's so corny. I fucking love him. Those are all fortune cookies. Yeah. Remember we did that?

Yeah. Actually, I think we still have that box of fortune cookies. We do. It's in the corner somewhere. Shit. Probably, probably a bunch of mice have those. Okay. Yeah.

When people say like, is there no food? Is there no food in your corner? I'm like, no, there's no food. There's 300 fortune cookies over here. I forgot. We took. So for any new listeners, we had the bright idea of buying five, I think there's a thousand fortune cookies on Amazon and we were going to open one every day and tweet it at RG3.

Just put a smile on his face. And much like everything we do, I think we got to day three and then we gave up. We're just like, we bought the cookies. There's a box of cookies. Although, like I'm sure that the sayings inside fortune cookies are just as good as those ones that you just listed. Yes. Absolutely.

If that's better. Some day we're going to. Lucky numbers, five, seven, nine, 12, 16. That's a better saying right there. That's a better trademark than know your why within you are. Yeah. You know what? I'm just going to say this.

I'm going to throw this out there. If the award-winning listeners want to win another takey, maybe get some people to subscribe and unsubscribe, spread the word. Maybe we'll send the box of fortune cookies, RG3's fortune cookies to a lucky award-winning listener. That might be a nice one. That's right. They're only a year old.

Yeah. And you can totally trust us. We'll go to do it. You think those are still in the corner? I think so. I think they're at the bottom of the bottom. In Les Hank, did you throw them out? No.

Well then, yeah, they're definitely still there. They're buried. You're the only person that would have thrown those out. In this zone, they're buried so deep that I don't think mice could get to it. There's so much shit and weight on top of it that I don't think... It would be like journey to the center of the earth. Yeah. There would be tons of rat skeletons on the way in there.

They're dinosaur bones at this point. We all died trying to find those fortune cookies. They would get lost in there. I fucking totally forgot about that, Jesus. We suck. We suck. We can't do anything. We literally cannot keep ourselves anything.

It was a really good idea for a week. It was a great idea. We are ideas, guys. We are not execution guys. We have the ideas. I'm going to find it tomorrow. I'm not going to fucking do that. Let's get to our interviews.

We have Hank Azaria, and then we have the original Randy Moss, who is going to give you some winners for Kentucky Derby Saturday. He's going to be on location. He has some fun tips. I think he's given us at least one winner every single year, so you're going to want to listen to that. Before we do that, new Bud Light, Lime and Orange. They're out now.

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Here he is, Hank Azaria. All right. We now welcome on Hank Azaria. He is with us. He's a recurring guest. Do you remember us is the first question? I black out most of my appearances. Yes, of course I remember your guests.

Okay. So tell us something we said. Well, then I couldn't, that I couldn't say. You don't remember us. That's okay. That's too much of a blur. Yeah. We did, we had fun with you.

I think. We did, I ended up reading, I did like a little playlist. Yes. All right. Well, we did, last time we did like a police sketch, but for vocal impressions. Yes. So we just gave you the background of people that we love on this show. And I think you ended up doing a pretty good coach at Ozuron impression.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's what I remember. I'm going to give you credit for remembering. Yes. We liked it. I remember that portion of it. Yeah.

You are the most famous Hank to ever appear on our show. Yeah. You haven't had Aaron or Williams? Well, that's Hank. That's also Hank. Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah. That comes back to me now too.

You're not from St. Louis, Massachusetts, are you? No. Do you have trouble getting erections? No. I went to college in Medford. Oh, okay. Did that Hank has trouble getting erections? Yes, he does.

Okay. We're trying to do a little study here and figure out if it's a Hank issue or if it's a, you know, just a manager. Are you Henry? Yes. Yeah, me too. So maybe it's a Henry issue, not a Hank issue. And now I'm 54 now, so, you know, some of the getting erections are just part of the

course. He's 24, so. Uh-huh. It's a little embarrassing. Do you have any advice for him? No, I was, I was like tungsten steel down there in all moments. They called me human Viagra. All right.

So Hank Azaria, you have, you've got a second season. And a third and a fourth. And a third and a fourth. The second season is, is just premiered. And then you get a third and fourth? Third and fourth have been picked up. That's Brockmire. Well, when, when is the premiere date?

We premiered last Wednesday, April 25th on Hank Azaria's birthday. IFC. And Joe Buck's birthday. Oh. Our friend Joe Buck. So on IFC, check it out. Uh, what happens? You can binge season one on Hulu.

Ooh. Very nice. So does that, do you have anxiety when you get the third and fourth season? And it's like, oh, shit, I have to now be funny for a lot more episodes. Uh, that basically just describes show business essentially every day. Just like, oh, shit, I have to actually make this work somehow. Yeah. Like there might have been nice to just be canceled because I just walked away and just

slept a little. There's always some of that. That's a lovely consolation prize. And you do get canceled. Like, well, pressure's off. I can hang out with my son. Yeah. Um, are you believing in the Mets this year?

I am. Really? Well, I'm going to qualify that. Yeah. I believe in, uh, in Mickey Calloway and Dave Island. I think that that might be real. Like I have more faith in a MET fan would normally have and what's going on and how they seem to be arranging.

The funny thing is by the time this episode airs three quarters of the starting rotations arms are going to fall off. Wow. No, but I hope not. I agree with you on the Mickey Calloway thing because it feels like in years past they would just keep trotting Harvey out there and having him suck. And he's like, no, we're actually going to put this guy in the bullpen. And he's just going to pitch in like low leverage situations and run out his contract.

Yeah. There's a lot of evidence for this. I mean, the way he talked to Mets when Mets was in his, like his one good start, but he had to get pulled after four innings. Yeah. The way he just went over there and just went, look, you can, you can hear what they were saying, but obviously he was actually tough loving that guy and making some good decisions.

Mm hmm. I don't know. I think he's going to find his way with the pitching staff. He's also got a great baseball manager name. Mickey Calloway. Yeah. I mean, that's an all time. Yeah.

Mickey anything really. Yeah. Hank is good. Hank is not a bad baseball name. Don't give yourself that much credit. Come on. Come on. So you're a Jets fan too, right?

Jim Brockmire. Great baseball name. Yeah. Great. So you're a Jets guy too. So, he's been a virgin. A little call back. Well, technically, I'm not a virgin.

But so the draft, you know, it obviously just happened. They got Donald kind of fell to him. Nobody really thought that was going to happen until the night of the draft. How do you feel about that? I got really excited. I talked myself out of Donald because I thought we just never would get him. Mm hmm. But then when it was, when it fell to us, I'm like, okay, please God, don't be stupid

now. Just go with, go with Donald because he's there. Because I think a lot of folks talk, I don't know what the Browns did. I don't, why do you guys feel about that? I like it. You like me feel that the Browns. Yeah, yeah, I like it too.

I think that Dorsey is probably the best person they've had making decisions in 20 years in Cleveland, which isn't saying much. I mean, it's a very low bar, but they got two players. Here's the thing, the second pick that they had, what was his name, Denzel Ward? Yeah, little cornerback. Yeah, that's right, that's such a weird pick

that I almost feel like they have to know something that I don't know about him. See, but yes, it's either that or it was ridiculous. One of the two. Because they're both big swings. Yeah, but Baker, when people say they don't like Baker, I just assume they didn't watch college football because then they're just putting Johnny Manzell

and Baker in the same category, but they're not the same quarterback. They are not the same guy, but, but, but, but. That's a lot of immaturity come. That's a lot of almost wide receiver-like. Yeah. Histrionics. Here's the thing, I mean, to be totally honest,

I think all the quarterbacks that got drafted in the first round have very high bust of like, they, like, Darnold Rosen. Rosen was my favorite of the group. I liked him too. Darnold Rosen, Josh Allen, Lamar Jackson and Baker, all, you could tell me in three years, all out of the league.

And I would be like, yeah, okay. Cause it's one of those things, the NFL, you just talk yourself into these guys. It's possible. It seems to me, I would say it more qualified that most of them seem like at the very least, they can be decent backups. Yeah.

And maybe not flame out. It's hard to say who, I almost think Allen might have ultimately the highest ceiling. That's our guy. That's our guy. Yeah. So just be careful. We started JoshDraftAllen.com.

So, and we basically got him drafted. You guys, again, that movement. Where's Agent? So, he doesn't know that, but where's Agent? And he's got big hands. Yeah. I mean, I think that of all the stuff I heard, I started feeling like, you know, that guy might.

You heard about his height, didn't you? Well, I heard about his height, and his arms. Yeah. Jim Brockmire is something about his rocket arm. Yeah, oh, I would love to hear that. What is Jim Brockmire's thing about stats? His rocket arm.

Yes, it's a rocket arm, but it looks like it was an arm. I've already blown it. It looks like it was a rocket that was manufactured in North Korea. Oh, okay. You know, because he literally, he'll throw a five yard out to a back, and the ball will end up in the Sea of Japan.

That literally happened a couple of times. Yes, it absolutely did. So he needs to pull it back. Yeah. But I think everybody talked themselves into Mayfield after a while. Like, yes, he's very good, and he's not Manzell, but how many guys of that stature really

turn into a great quarterback? You're talking about Russell Wilson and Drew Brees, and that's kind of it. And he's probably not those two guys. He's a little bit slower than Russell Wilson. Not a good average Wilson. He's got the same wiggle. He's got the same wiggle.

Russ isn't that, and Russ is, Russ is a good point though, because I think you ran like a 478 or something like that, like in his 40 yard dash. So he's not gonna be able to outrun defense events in the NFL. Yeah, but good. No, I was, I mean, Russ, he doesn't,

he's not like blinding speed. He's got the wiggle. If you have the wiggle, you know what I mean? It's like the Aaron Rodgers. The Aaron Rodgers can move in the pocket if he's not a running quarterback. They don't take off. But his feet are a huge asset.

Russell also has, how I see it. Russell's got God on his side too. He's God's favorite quarterback. Very true, very true. That's the X factor. Jordan Palmer was saying that he thinks the most important thing is quarterback need, quarterback's need going forward

is escape ability as O-line. Oh, did you, oh, so you listened to Wednesday's show. Thank you. I think I heard him say that somewhere else. Oh, he was making the rounds. He actually said that on our show. Did he? He was saying that, yeah.

Then has O-line play deteriorates. Fuck, so he's just repeating facts? Well, both of you guys are doing the media scores right now, going to all the same places. Yes, we are. All right, so tell us the thing that you've said on every other show. I think I've tried to avoid that.

No, no, no. Give us like the one joke that you say on every other show that we'll overlap on. Well, I'll tell you what I've used a lot is rock, march, take on the Mets. That's come up a lot. The Mets are the Yankees of not being the Yankees. Nobody does it better than them.

That's a great point. Being a Mets fan in New York is like being the unwanted and unloved little brother. It is like being Stephen Baldwin, which is the worst thing that any human being can possibly be. That's me. That's not funny.

That's just me. That is me. Get that material to the White House for a spotless dinner. Can I make an assessment? Sure. Okay. I think you're nervous about Sam Darnold

because I asked you about Sam Darnold and you switched your entire conversation about Baker Mayfield. I just realized that we didn't get an answer about Sam Darnold. I am thrilled with Sam Darnold. My point I was gonna make was to me, he was in the Malcolm Gladwell sort of you look at it,

blink way, just. 10,000 hours? Yeah, exactly. He seems like he has the highest bottom to me. I think that he will be Donald. Okay, Darnold. Like, yeah, him, if he, all these guys don't work out, I think Darnold's bottom is the highest.

All right, so you lived in California for a while, right? Yes. Many years. What do you think about Sam Darnold being like a punky California teenager because those guys are intimidating. He's not like that though. No, but he grew up in California

and he was a teenager at some point in California. He lived in San Clemente, right? In a working class. It's for people who don't live in, have never lived in California. They all sound the same. I just heard Los Angeles. San Clemente is, that's the one with the beach

and they have pipes, right? Nick's retired too, with like a metal detector walking along the beach at the end there. But, no, Darnold, that's the thing. He's genuinely, you know, he's got like that Jeter, judge quality where it's like contained and mature and work ethic and- Huge forehead.

Big forehead and enormous forehead. He looks like the villain from, when I say this, you never get it out of your head. I shouldn't even say this publicly, but it's true. No, not Breaking Bad. He does kind of look like him. He looks like Syndrome, who is the villain from The Incredibles,

the first Incredibles movie. Okay. Okay, yeah. I can see that. He also looks like one of the kids from The Goonies. Doesn't he? And he does look like the guy from Breaking Bad. The guy with the moon face.

The rich guy from Breaking Bad. The guy, the kid, he shoots the kid that's on a moped. In the train thing. He hangs out with all the Neo-Nazi. His uncle is the Neo-Nazi. Yeah. In Breaking Bad? Yeah.

I don't remember. I think he was also in Friday Night Lights, right? Yeah, that's right. Yeah, he was in Friday Night Lights. That's who he looks like to me. Yeah. Well, he's, look, he's awesome. And I think that this happens in sports.

Mine is a big part. I think it happens a lot in sports. Like for example, let's go back to the Mets. To me as the, not quite the casual fan, I'm not an expert. I pay a lot of attention to the Mets. Pardon me. To me now, and I made this prediction publicly, do we need to see more of the dark,

Travistar No Story, right? Right. To know what's gonna happen there. Right. Do we really need to go down the Mets road to know what's gonna happen there and do we really need to go down the Harvey road to know what's gonna happen there?

I didn't think so. So, but I can't tell with those things whether I either know much less or more. I'm either benefiting from being three steps away from it going, guys, come on, you're overthinking this. Or I don't know enough. Well, that's the thing with age too. We were actually talking about that yesterday.

How when you get older as a sports fan, you start to get a lot more realistic about like the guys who fail or the guys who like, let's stop doing this over and over and over guys. It doesn't work. Whereas when you were younger, you might be like, well, this could be the year that Travistar No puts it all together

and that kind of shit. Yes. And in a blink way, in a Malcolm Gladwell kind of way, with age, you realize the way things have been is kind of the way they tend to stay. Yes, exactly. Things don't kind of switch midstream. We don't all of a sudden become

the greatest organization in the world. No, unless somebody has some kind of obvious overt transformation. Right. No. Right. That's like there was an old, when the Cubs had Brian LeHair

who ended up being an All-Star. And he was 29, I think. And everyone's like, oh man, this guy's like, no, if he was in the minor leagues till he was 29, he's not gonna be something. He had one good half a season. But you don't just all of a sudden become like this unbelievable player at 29.

I mean, there are outlier exceptions to this. Yeah. Like Daniel Murphy. Yeah, Brady Anderson, he did steroids. Daniel Murphy did steroids. Did you think he did? Oh yeah. You think he juiced up at the end of that season?

And LCS, 2015. For sure did. Really? Well, he's a med fan. I really want to believe that's true, but... But then he stayed good though. Yeah, but then how did he stay on the stage? So on the stage?

Yeah, okay. He just didn't pee for the last year and a half. He's been holding, he plugged up. Well, look, the other narrative is that who was that batting coach that came in from the Yankees and then went with him now to the Nationals? Kevin Long, is that his name? I don't know.

Anyway, supposedly he really kind of helped him transform his swing into a home run swing and he retained all that contact knowledge that he had. He hit that one home run off his knees against Jake Arietta in I think game two of the NLCS. Sounds like that's, that doesn't smell right. I want to jump back real quick. I'm just bitter about that.

I want to get Brock Meyers' take on something. So... Let me go to my notes. There was an ESPN radio host in Cleveland. He had the same mindset as you did about Baker being taken too high. And so his reaction was, if the Browns take Mayfield, I'm going to eat horse poop.

Oh my goodness. On live TV. Wow, even Brock Meier wouldn't do that. Brock Meier would not eat horse poop. No, he would not. I mean, well, he's blackout so... Who knows really what's happened. That season five.

The entire arc is just you mentally preparing. I mean, he's done a lot of ketamine, you know, which is a horse tranquilizer. I don't know if that counts. And I guess if you told Brock Meier, if he was desperate enough that, you know that horse poop right there, got a lot of ketamine in it,

he might seriously consider it. That's right. Maybe if there's some mushrooms growing out of the horse poop then he'd get a two for one deal. Gotcha. So... I really liked that one. I really amused myself about that one.

He actually is going to eat dorsher this guy in Cleveland. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, man, well that, you know, honestly, right? Isn't that the perfect metaphor for this Cleveland fandom? Yeah, it's sports talk radio. You're a Browns fan. You might as well just go ahead and eat horse poop.

That's all you have there. Yeah, your sports talk goes talking about eating shit. That's more of a sport than the actual sports themselves. How much did you study broadcasting and how much you pay attention to like broadcasters in doing this role? Very much so growing up. It became one of those voices

I got obsessed with all through my life. And I'm a total raised by the television kid all through the 70s. And so really I became a sports fan just because it was on TV. I mean, I watched every thing, including every New York local New York sports broadcast of anything and started noticing

by the time I was about 15 years old that boy, I'm hearing a lot of this voice, quite a lot deliver me sports information and I don't know why. And to these guys always sound like this and why is it that they can say whatever they lack as long as the count follows it, which became sort of the comedic premises of Brockmire.

And then just as a sports fan, I'm following all this all the time, including the vocal aspects of it. And you know, think of the vocal legends in this country came out of the sports world. Yeah. Cosell and Marv Albert and... Marv Albert still doing it is like, it's crazy.

It's insane. Well, he's had his own Brockmire journey, yes, he has, absolutely. But that's like, that's insane because Marv Albert, I think he got arrested, what, 1997? So that's like, he's had a whole career after that. Totally. Like 21 years after that.

To the point right now where you're like, you have to be sort of old school to remember that. Yeah, right. There was some weird shit he was getting into. Yeah, but he is. He's like biting people's backs? Yeah. Yeah, I think he supposedly bit a prostitute in the back.

Yeah. What's the difference between the broadcaster voice and the airline pilot voice? Because they sound like very similar. Well, airline pilot is much... First of all, you have to start the airline pilot with, oh, folks, if you look at the left side of it. What is with that lead-in to everything?

It's always, yeah. What's happened? It's just like a slow, yeah, just getting themselves, it's basically taking off. Their voice is taking off. They need a runway. They need a ramp up to get about a soft wedge away from the gate right now.

But yeah, airline pilot is definitely a little bit smoother, like, hey, folks, we're about to go 10,000 feet in this huge metal container. I got this. Exactly. They take off. I think they're very conscious of projecting calmness. Yes.

Almost to a sleepy, some nambulant, like, oh, folks, if you look off the right side, you'll see our engine is on fire, and nothing faces them. Now, blackmas, you know, downright on amphetamines compared to that. This is more besides the generic baseball or really any sports announcer boys, which I think you still hear them today a lot, NCAA basketball.

Typical Saturday afternoon game, you'll get this guy, you know, the Wolverines take on the fine Irish this afternoon. They went to Syracuse. They all went to Syracuse. And they're just, it's like carbon copy. And because there's so many college basketball games, that's where you get the proliferation of them, where you're like, oh, here's this guy.

And he looks exactly like that guy. And they all sound sick. Exactly, which most other sports broadcasting, it's much more relaxed and individualized. But you still get this here with those guys. John Miller probably has the most modern holdover of these guys who gave you the deep maritone. But Miller's a genius in some way.

But this was also the pitch man voice of the 70s. Very much so, like the ginsu. You know, in Japan, the hand can be used as a lethal weapon, but this does not work on a tomato. Introducing the ginsu knife and poppies, pocket fishermen, all those weird little, those were always this voice too. Before QVC? Yes.

So I noticed, because I'm a vocal freak, I noticed these things. I'm like, why is this voice telling me about things? Right. All the time on television. Do you talk to yourself in your voices? Like I would walk around all the time just talking to myself in all my different voices if I had that skill.

Yes, now I have a family. So it seems like I'm talking to them. But actually, yes, I'm just walking around. Do you ever break out the voice like when you're reprimanding your kids or? Reprimanding, you know, actually, I was about to say no, but actually the truth is yes, my son, I have one child, he's eight, and things do go down better sometimes

if you just go, you know, come on over here, because what you're doing now has about eight problems with it. I'm gonna break it down for you. He called, it just takes some of the edge off. Right. The disciplining if he can be a mute. It's a different person.

He likes, he calls him baseball guy. He wants baseball guy to narrate his day a lot. I like this for it. Have you ever been in a situation, perhaps romantically, over the phone, for example, where the lady's like, hey, do you mind doing like, can you give me a little taste of a poo? No, that has never happened.

Pooh having full sex would be wonderful. Gee, Wiggum having full sex with me. No, that's, I get asked this a lot. It's amazing, the voices make their way into the dirty talk. Not an original question. I thought it was Brockmire. Thank you. And if you see season one of Brockmire,

he has full on dirty talk sex while announcing it. But no, it's occasionally, my wife really likes the, like the Northern England, she likes the sort of Liverpool. She does find it amorously. Shall we say, it gets emotional running, gets rendering go and she likes it. But we're not even, not like during the act, it's too weird. One girl really wanted me to, like, let's go home

and bring the character from America's weird art home, the Spanish guy with the leaf. She liked these guys. Yes, yes. But I never, that never consummated itself. Okay. I would do that all the time. I would probably just get broken up with.

Yeah. Left and right. Is it not cheating if you're doing it in a different voice? No, it's definitely not. As close as you can get to cheating. So honey, yes, I had been having sex with her over the last three years, but only. It was Spanish guy as well.

As Professor Frank. It was my voice that I do. That's like a mix of Australian Matt Delavidova and Mike Greenberg. Yeah, exactly. So it doesn't count. That's a weird combination. I only do one impression and they meld together.

Yeah. Do Delavidova slash Mike Greenberg? Well, it's a, Mike Delavidova from the great continent of all. My wife. Yeah. Greenberg gets into all his other impressions. He's Australian and then he's got all the other impressions

that have a tint and like a little hint of Greenberg. That's weird. Mike Greenberg is my calling coward. Let's hear your Greenberg. Welcome back to ESPN. We are back in bed other than ever. My wife brought to you this segment by 1-800-Flowers.com and the 1-800-Flowers.com mailbox.

We will check in with the Johnsonville Brot Sausage Hotline. My wife. Got the pattern down. My wife. Yeah, he says that a lot. I just talked about his wife all the time. And is that, that sounds like Colin Coward to you as well? Yeah.

Because only because I can't do a calling coward. So that's kind of. He's tough to do. I tell people that that's my calling coward and they believe it, but it's really just my. It's all about the pauses with coward. It's a little generic. Yeah.

Very generic. That impression. Yes. Much like Barack Obama. That's fine though. That's right. Hey, maybe I'll get a fifth season on IMDB too. All right.

We have our last question. It's the C-Geek question. So you put in promo code take and you get $10 off your C-Geek purchase. I'm wearing a C-Geek. So $10 off if you put in promo code take. What do we have? We have the voice.

Yeah, we're gonna try to do a couple of those police vocal sketch things that we did last time. You down? It's now becoming a chestnut. Yes. Yes. It's becoming a perennial. You are a monkey and we're making you dance.

Basically. Okay, the first one, you're a 41 year old from Massachusetts, from Swamp Scott, Massachusetts, right? All right, now this is coming back to me. Yeah. You started your own sports blog about 14 years ago. You don't really know that much about hockey, but you talk about hockey all the time.

You hate LeBron James. Your entire self-worth is tied to the New England Patriots. 41 year old from Massachusetts. Sports blogger. Yeah, all right. So, yeah, I don't mean to be the hot guy here, but this LeBron stuff, I'm tired. I'm just tired of it.

I've grown weary of it. Everything, nothing happens. If it's not LeBron, LeBron is LeBron out. Who cares anymore? Yeah. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. That's pretty good, yeah.

So that was her boss. Yeah, that was her boss. Yeah. Does he sound like that? You have a little bit of a lower voice in him. Oh, he's a little higher? Yeah. He's just more whiny about it?

Also, depending on who he's talking to, he brings an accent. Yeah, that's true. He goes, he gets an accent off. So if he sees someone else who has a Boston accent, he goes like deep into it. And then otherwise he talks normally. I know, I'm from Queens. And when I, I'm probably going out to Queens this afternoon

and the second I'm in Queens, I start, this starts to come out and like, yo, how you doing, man, good to see you. Yeah, been a while. All right, the second one is a former football player, quarterback, he announces now, and he's kind of unsure about most replays and kind of has to talk himself through it.

Never really quite knows if it's a catch or not. Might have played for the Dallas Cowboys. You kind of sound constipated when you watch any replay review. Well, let's narrow down to one of two. Yeah. The newer one. Oh, okay.

That's a tough one to get. Is that what you just said? Yeah, all the time. Well, you've done it now. That's why Mike Greenberg being constipated. We do it all the time. Well, that's redundant for me to- That kind of ruins it.

Yeah. Well, how about this? I ruined it. How about you worked at- I'm glad you did it. Your guy worked at ESPN for 40 years. You have nicknames for everybody. You use Drano as mouthwash.

And you sweat through every shirt that you own. Look, he's always been very kind to Jim Brack. Obviously he was annoyed by him. And still he didn't interview with him. Are you still beefing with Brent Musburger? You're talking to Jim Brack right now? Oh yeah. He's our good friend.

Musburger? Yeah. So you guys are punk ass bitches too. Oh, shit. Yeah, shit is right. Yeah, that sums him up. Uncle Brent would kick your fucking ass. Hey, Uncle Brent, let me tell you something about Uncle Brent.

Yeah, tell us something about him. Let me get my material. Yeah, go ahead. I don't even need material about that. I can tell you right about Uncle Brent. He, he's a punk ass bitch. And for three reasons, okay? For starters, first of all, took a dump in my bed,

my hotel bed, all right? Sounds like him. Punk ass bitch move. I deserved it. Okay, unsanitary. Whether I deserved it or not. No, look, no one deserves that. I don't care who you are.

Nobody deserves to be taking a dump in their bed. It's disgusting. Or did he take a shit in your bed because he slept in your bed and crapped the bed at night? No. He just, he went in there, dropped trowel on the bed and then walked out. I guess so.

He paid hotel staff and got in there and what he did in there was take it up in my bed and then gently placed the covers over it so I had to discover it, okay? Which thank goodness I smelled it before I, you know, dived in the bed there. Yeah. He's gonna need some must burger,

must burger poop all over you. Well, unless it has ketamine in it. Yeah, that's a different story. He itemizes everything. Ever eaten with must be is your good friend. Have you eaten with him? Yeah. Okay, so you know.

Yeah. Itemizes everything. Can't put a check. Does he eat? I just thought that he'd drink scotch. Well, there's mostly that. But even that, I mean, so he'll have nine scotches.

You'll have a diet coke and he'll ask you for a buck 50. He'll get that to gammons, okay? We're all at this big time meal. Gammons only had a diet coke and he had charged gammons at buck 50 for it. Then gammons said, I don't have my wallet on me, Brent. And he made him sign an IOU.

Punk ass bitch move. But mostly, fellas, and I talk about things I've said everywhere. I'm happy to broadcast this everywhere. He's a thief. Stole my line. This is for all those tostitos. Remember that when he said that?

Yeah. At the BCS town. Yes, well, my line and everybody in broadcasting knew is my line. It's what I yell out when I climax inside of a woman or even when I climax really by myself too. I yelled that out.

I'm sorry. Oh, this is for all the tostitos. This is for all the tostitos. That's what I yelled. And he knew it and he used it anyway. And now I have to use a ruffles half ridges. This does not have the same impact at all. It doesn't.

Ridge for her pleasure. Yeah. Exactly. That's the upside of it. That's true. It's ridged for her pleasure. Very nice. All right.

Hinka's area. Thank you so much. Sure. Check it out. Season two is already out. You can catch up season one. Hulu. Hulu.

Season three and four. They're gonna switch out a couple of characters for new actors and you're gonna have to guess who it is. That's right. And he's gonna eat shit all season long. Yeah. Hanka's area was brought to you by 1-800-FLOWERS. It's hard to find a bigger fan of you than mom.

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All right, we now welcome back one of our favorite guests. It is that time of the year, it's original Randy Moss. It is the Kentucky Derby. The Triple Crown is kicking off this Saturday. You can watch Randy Moss on NBC Sports and NBC. Did I get that right? Yeah. Okay. Got it.

And what are you going to wear? Have you picked out your outfit? You're going to wear a big hat? You know what's funny is that last year, you know, I just go to the closet, Edie Meany, I hope I got something. I think it was only halfway decent. And then I got to Kentucky and I was actually sitting on the set

for the Kentucky Derby and they rolled in some video just for informational purposes of our 2016 Kentucky Derby telecast. I had the same exact damn suit tie on. We got a brand new one coat tie. Yeah. That's good though. So this year I had to pay a little bit more attention to my wardrobe and make sure that I'm not, you know,

I'm not looking like a stooge and duplicating the same thing every year. Is Bob Costas going to be there again? Oh yeah. You should tell Bob Costas to wear a giant hat. That would be good for him. I think Bob's going to helicopter in at some point on Saturday afternoon to join.

Yes. So this Kentucky Derby, I'm very excited because we have a curse. So the Apollo curse is going to be the big thing talked about on Saturday. Can you explain the Apollo curse and who it impacts in this race? The curse of Apollo, it's been invoked in the Kentucky Derby now for decades.

In 1882, a racer named Apollo won the Kentucky Derby which is for three year olds for you listeners that don't know anything about horse racing. It's restricted to horses that are age three. Every horse's birthday is Jan one. It's universal. It's their official birthday. That's amazing.

What are the odds? So a huge coincidence, isn't it? So Apollo won the Kentucky Derby without having any races at all as a two year old race horse. Typically horses will begin racing as two year olds, okay? Since then, since 1882, every single horse that has won the Kentucky Derby has had at least one start as a two year old.

There's an old theory that goes way back in the day that in order to be ready to run a mile and a quarter on the first Saturday in May in the Kentucky Derby, these horses have to have a lot of conditioning in them that begins months and months before when they're two year olds and horses that skip that don't really have much of a chance in Kentucky.

To be honest with you, 2018, it's absolute BS. It should have gone up in flames six years ago with a horse named Bodie Meister who finished second, who had never run as a two year old. And now this year, there are two horses, Justify who's favorite and Magnum Moon who's undefeated, he's four for four who didn't run as two year olds

and it matters not even a little bit. If it's good enough, it's a curse though. It's a curse. Come on, it's a curse. You can't say the C word and then say it doesn't matter. Yeah, that matters. Maybe next year, it'll be the luck of Apollo. Oh, okay.

So when you say that there is this curse, do you think it's more about the horses not having enough time to train, that sort of thing? Or is there something to be said for big game experience? Well, now experience can be a slightly different element to this. Here's the main reason why. They're all for 85 if you want a number.

Going back to 1882. Oh, but there's no curse. No curse. Just all for 85. Seven of them have finished second. But see, back in the day, back in the 40s, 50s, 60s, even the 70s and 80s, horses would run 15 times as two year olds, sometimes more.

Back in the day, they'd run 20 times as two year olds. Now today's trainers, they consider race horses to be a little more fragile than their predecessors. So they don't run their horses as often and they don't, they give them more time in between races and a lot of these trainers don't want to start their two year olds until they're, until you're in October, you know,

September, October, November, sometimes even December. So if a horse gets a head cold, you know, a horse gets allergies. And suddenly it puts him back a lot. Now you're into January, before he can ever make his first start. And it doesn't mean, back in the day, if a horse didn't run as a two year old, he had three legs.

It was a serious, serious problem. And that's not the case anymore. So it's kind of irrelevant now. So why do you think that is that horses are getting softer? Is it because they're all millennials? No, they're technically not. All the millennials are getting softer, right?

Yeah. They're the new gen. That's a huge, yeah. In the buildups to these races, does every horse get a trophy? Or are just the ones that finish in first three places? It's not like my daughter's old soccer team. No, there are no participation trophies.

Although, although in some races, every horse that runs gets paid a little bit to try to offset some of these. There you go. There's millennials. But now, the reason it's very controversial in horse racing is that horses seem to be getting a little less durable now

than there used to be. Some people don't think that's true, but the vast majority of horsemen that deal with these horses on a regular basis think that that's the case. So it's kind of like pitchers and pitch counts. Guys back in the day would throw every other day or something and they would throw 150 pitches.

Now you see a guy get taken out with 95 pitches. It's a great analogy. And some of it has to do with durability, but it also has to do with managers in baseball thinking that they can get the best performances from their pitchers doing that. And trainers now think they can get their horses to run faster by giving them more time

between races to recover, which means less racing in total. All right, let's break down the race. So how do you see this race going and what are some bets, maybe some long shots, some exotics that you think we should place on Saturday? To the lead, there's gonna be a horse named Promises fulfilled who doesn't have much of a chance to win.

He'll be 50 to one breaks from post three, but that's the only way he can possibly win. So that's what they do. They send them to the early lead and hope that nobody goes with him. In this case, nobody will go with him because it would be a suicide mission if they tried. So he's gonna make the early lead.

The favorite justifies written by Mike Smith, his goal is to be sitting second, length and a half, two lengths behind and to the outside of Promises fulfilled. If that happens, when they go in the first turn, all is right with the world. If you're a justified fan, if you're betting your favorite and he'll probably win the Kentucky Derby.

He's only had three races though. So sometimes he breaks just a little bit slow from the gate. And if that happens Saturday, he's in big trouble because he's never experienced all the dirt kicking him in the face and all this hitting him in the face. So that's the way the race audit with Mendelssohn, the horse from Ireland that won the prep race in Dubai, probably sitting third on the outside.

And then your horse is like good magic in Bolzoro and Flame Away and Noble MD sort of tucked in behind those. That's the way the early part of the race figures to be run. And it'll be in justifies hands if that is the way it actually is run. And I think justifies probably the most likely winner, although he's going to be the favorite. OK.

And now what you always do for us in your grade it is give us maybe a long shot that we can toss in the exotics because that makes it a nice juicy price. Someone who maybe finishes fast, who's not going to win, but could finish second or third. All right, I will tell you this. In my opinion, if justified does not win as the favorite, the most likely winner is Bolzoro, who will be 8 or 10 to 1.

And you need to definitely include him in your exotics. And a lot of times, you see superfectus, which is the first four finishers of the race, pay huge prices in the Kentucky Derby. Because you get some horse that starts 19th, 20th, lays way back. When all the other horses are exhausted, he comes running and picks up third or fourth place.

That horse is my boy Jack, who is going to be 40 to 1, something like that. And he'll be laying way back in the pack with kentasormo. And he'll typically make a nice, nice big grind. If you want something else to bet on during the day, I know you guys do, right? Oh, yeah. Right, OK.

I know your listeners sometimes do. Occasionally. Occasionally. A few races earlier, actually four or five races earlier. The seventh race on Saturday is a race called the Churchill Distaff Turf Mile. We'll have it on TV, of course. The 9-11 exactive, back and forth, 9-11, 11-9.

Don't like that. The 9-11 is a horse named Onleave. It's like it sounds like a cellular Onleave. And the 11 horse is La Coronel, which is, I think, French for colonel, C-O-R-O-L-N-E-L. So Onleave and La Coronel. The 9 is Onleave. The 11 is La Coronel.

But in both ways, they're the two best horses in the race. There are some other horses people are going to be betting on that they probably shouldn't be. And for a change, we'll try to hit an exactive. Yeah. And what about you always give us some kind of nugget on Friday? Do you have any nuggets for Friday, the Oaks?

Because I think some people, the casual horse fan probably doesn't realize that Friday is just as much fun as Saturday. Yeah. I think the winner of the Oaks is going to be a horse named Midnight Bissou. She'll probably be the second betting favor. She comes from behind, makes this electrifying move from off the pace.

There's going to be a lot of speed in there to set it up for. The favorite has a bad post position, post 14. So that would be the horse for the Kentucky Oaks. Love it. I love it. Well, Randy, thank you as always. We appreciate it.

Some of our, you are one of our oldest recurring guests because not oldest in age, but you were on like, you were on like the, clearing that up. Yeah. No, you were on like the 10th episode and you're still coming back. So we're, I guess you don't hate us, which is great. Yeah.

I wear my contributor T-shirt proudly. OK. Nice. Nice. Thanks for not losing my number. You guys are the kings of all media now, you know. Oh, I'll take that comment. Yeah, I like that.

And you are our horse racing analyst. Yeah, so you're the king. We're claiming. You're the prince. You're the jester, the court jester of part of my take. The OG RM. Yes, exactly. All right, Randy, we'll talk to you before the preakness.

All right, guys. Thanks so much. Thanks, man. Randy Moss was brought to you guys by Honey. Millions of people are using Honey to save money while shopping online. And why wouldn't they? It's free.

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All right, let's get to some segments. I actually, we talked about it with Randy Moss, horse names that would get me to bet on them. And then we could have all the degenerate gamblers bet on that horse and then bet on the real good horses. So I wrote down a few. You want to hear them? Yeah, all right.

This horse is fast, easy, system play. You know you're going to do that. It's a system play. Do not fade. Actually, that one probably get in my head because then I'd be like, oh, shit, yeah. Guaranteed winner, lock of the century, Bitcoin 2 Gen, cash money, sheesh, with like a shitload of ease.

Fastest horse ever. Mortgage your house on this horse. I think that might be too many letters. And then I just wrote down Lobowski. I feel like everyone would be like, oh, you got a bet on the horse, Lobowski. I'm going to book it. Oh, book it.

It's good. What about do not bet on this horse? Get all the bad boy action out there. Absolutely would bet on that horse. Do what you won't. Yeah, you won't. Yeah, pussy, you won't bet on this horse. Yeah, that also would be good.

I mean, this is actually something. That is our business. If we could get some money and we could buy horses and just name them, it's the ultimate ideas game. Like we literally don't have to do shit, but just come up with ideas. We just need shitty horses. We just need to buy like a stable of donkeys.

And just name them. Just paint them. Name them a bunch of names that all the degenerates will bet on and then take the rest of the field. Fuck. Another one. Write it down, Hank. Will you write that down for me?

All right. Put the bet on this horse. Let's get it. Yeah, you fucking pussy. You won't bet on this horse. You don't have the balls to bet on this horse. Oh, god, I put all my money on that horse. All right, first up, we have a.

I'll show you. We have a. This is for Kurt Warner. So Jason Witton has been named. Is he going to do? Is he color analyst for him? They don't know what they're doing, because they're saying that he's going to be in the booth,

which could mean anything. I mean, he might be there like passing out bagels, but they're saying he's going to be in the booth. So it's going to be him, someone else, and someone else. Also, Jason Witton, big time hair plug guy. Oh, yeah. You see his hair. It looks great.

He looks like a Lego head. Yeah. No, it's great. This new, the new hair plugs that he has, like you're not going to be able to sit there and tell me that Jason Witton didn't go into this offseason knowing he was going to be on TV next year. Yes, absolutely.

That is not a football move. Like Brian Erlacher waited until after he was done playing football. Yeah. Actually, no, those weren't hair plugs. That was real. Yeah, he just stopped using steroids. Yeah, he just got, oh, OK.

That was a bridge too far. All right, so Kurt Warner said, he said this on Tuesday, I remember the days growing up believing the best person for the job, not race, not gender, not age, not pedigree, led to gaining position. Trying to figure out if it ever truly applied, thinking I was just a naive kid. But if so, how did we get so backwards?

So it was Tuesday. And then on Thursday, it was announced, or sorry, that was Wednesday. And then on Thursday, it was announced that he did not get the job. And Jason Witton did. And he tweeted, for those who actually thought I was complaining and referencing

not getting Monday Night Football Color job in my recent tweet about best person for the job, you must not know the person tweeting it. My tweet had absolutely nothing to do with a personal situation, but trends I see in society today. Total coincidence. Me thinks the Lady Doth protest too much.

Oh, very interesting. Here's my problem with this. Kurt Warner, I like Kurt Warner a lot. One of the best quarterbacks I've ever watched play. You have a point. You've done TV extensively. You've been good at TV. Your point that you should probably get it over Jason Witton,

because Jason Witton has never spoken into a microphone, except for those stupid hat ads. That's a good point. Just own it. Yeah, just own it. Yeah, don't back away from it. Also, the fact that he brought race, what are the other things like, race, age,

all that sort of thing, does he not realize that Kurt Warner and Jason Witton are pretty much the same person just about 15 years apart? Well, I think what he was doing was he was getting this a little red herring there, because I actually tweeted him and I was like, huh, that's just a coincidence. And he replied to me, not really, because I was told over a week ago, but hey, whatever.

It was more based off of something I saw regarding black QBs and white wide receivers being drafted in first round, among a couple other stories. Okay, a couple other stories. So a couple unnamed other random stories. I would like Kurt to come on the podcast and discuss. Bring it on to the podcast, because I like Kurt a lot, and I actually think he should have gotten the job.

If Kurt Warner actually believed that you got your job based on ability, maybe he could explain how Eli Manning started over him when he was a rookie, because he was trash as well. Yeah, he was, big time trash. That was kind of a manning thing, be trash as a rookie. We have a, Peter King didn't eat the trash. So Peter King, our friend, guest on this program.

We give him a hard time, but he- It's all from love though. It's from love. He left his job at Sports Illustrated after 31 years, and I thought we would, as a respect the biz move, I mean, he's been a staple of football fans' lives for 31 years. Yeah, his Monday morning column

is what inspired me to do my Monday morning column. Yes. So he's, I say he's like a quarter, Mike Florio is 75% my internet dad. If we're doing 23 in me, then I'm 25% Peter King. Yeah, Peter King is, Peter King is like your internet dad's like friend from college, just comes around every now and then, it's like here, take this al-Gash white,

don't tell anyone I told you. Yeah, like when my dad went on a cross country trip with his buddies when he had the midlife crisis, then Peter King was like the neighbor that came over and made sure I was still doing my homework. Yeah, make sure that you could, yeah, through the ball in the backyard, make sure that you knew how to actually throw a baseball.

Yeah, but actually he's joining Mike Florio at NBC. Oh. So all my internet dads, it's 2016, got two internet dads in the same house. That's fine. No shame. No shame. Nope, no shame.

No sir, they can use whatever bathroom they want. And Peter, trust me, you're gonna want to give Peter his own bathroom. Oh yeah, oh yeah. But no, seriously, hell of a career. I was having fun with the Robin Williams tweet because it really is remarkable to look back at. Yeah, it's great.

And I love that he hasn't deleted it either. Died. Yeah. Killed himself. Pfft. He told the fucking host. He told the hostess, or waiter. She needs to scrub.

We gotta find that waiter and get him on the show. The most underrated part of that tweet was that he put a date line in there. Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Yes. Just to let you know, set the scene real nice. All right, last up before we get to roasts, we have a not to brag what we called it.

What happened? So we went on Kentucky Sports Radio last summer, which we're gonna do again this year, right? Yeah, our good friend Matt Jones. Our good friend Matt Jones, he's been on the show. We covered for him when he was out of town. And we stirred the pot a little bit. We put Coach Cal on the hot seat.

And then we said, you know, the new trend is Brooklyn Bourbon. It's actually been rated as being better than Kentucky Bourbon. And it's a superior product. And people from Kentucky are too dumb to realize it. Just stirred the pot around a little bit. They got people upset. And then the Wall Street Journal put out an article today saying New York Bourbon is taking over.

And more specifically, Brooklyn Bourbon. And then get this. So they interviewed the distiller at this Brooklyn Bourbonery, or distillery. And he said, the difference in their bourbon is all about the terroir. Ooh. So it's like a French term for wine making.

Oh, really stick it to him. Oh, they're cranking it up. Reusing the French distillery ways. Yeah. So what else can New York be better at than the rest of the country? We already know barbecue. Grits.

You can get the best grits in the world in New York City. Chicken and waffles. Best chicken waffles, best casinos. Yep. Best cheese curds. Yeah. Best trash collection. Not actually collecting it, but collecting it

on the side of the street. The best wine in the world is Champagne. Made here in New York City. Champagne. The best sports. Well, no, not the best sports. Oh, hey, David Fisdale. That's right.

Check that for data. Take that for data. Was that take that for data? Yeah. That was a very used tweet. Yeah, he's going to get 30 wins. I'll go 32. Okay.

I'm going to say he's going to be a little bit more successful. Okay, I put my 30 wins based on the fact that Porzingis is going to have one and a half healthy legs. Yes. So if he has two, you get yours. So when we go on Kentucky Sports Radio this summer, like it's must listen now because we,

not only you kind of buried the lead there with the Cal thing, because when we said Cal was on the hot seat, like a day later, it was rumored that he was going to the Knicks. And we said the bourbon thing, and now it's proved to be true. It is true. Like if you look at the ratings of bourbon,

Manhattan and Brooklyn bourbon are better than any bourbon in Kentucky. We just need St. John's to win the NCAA tournament. And then we basically have stolen and also have like the Belmont, you know, the Belmont become the biggest race in the world. New York Cole, Brooklyn Cole is much better than any Cole found in Kentucky.

Everything from Kentucky. I'm sorry. Hey, you still have Rick Petino. Well, he doesn't want to come back. I don't mean come like that. I didn't mean come back, but. We're just pulling your leg. Yeah, you know what we're saying.

All right, let's finish up with our good friend, Uncle Chaps, who now has a new radio show and podcast. You know him from ZBT. You know him from Pod Fathers. You know him from blogs about diarrhea and different gourds that he would like to fuck. But now you can also hear him on High Haters. Yeah, it's been fun.

How's that going? It's going great. Casey is awesome. She's really smart. Oh, wow. That makes me seem really dumb. So that's going good. Can she read?

She's a really good reader. That's one of those Jack Spratt situations. But it's a nice thing because she is the one that does the ad reads. So I just kind of kick my feet back and enjoy myself. Mm-hmm. That is nice. You've earned some time, man.

Yeah. She's like, I got this. I'm like, okay. Okay. That works. So speaking of reading, you want to read us some roasts? I do. So if you have not roasted us, you still can,

because we'll do it again next time Chaps is here, or maybe in a couple of weeks, leave a five-star review on iTunes. The first one I'm going to read is a one-star review. Oh, wow. We don't do those. We don't want to reward you. Don't behave your Chaps.

So you're not going to read that one. Okay. But it's a five. You only read the five-star ones. That's me exing out. Yeah. That's me exing out. Okay.

So you only five-star reviews. A bunch of porn popped up when you closed that. Wow. And leave the five-star review and we'll read your roast. All right, here we go. Worst sports podcasts that I've ever heard. These guys are probably the most annoying, uninformed bunch I've ever listened to.

The fellows on this podcast are horribly obnoxious. They sound like a cross of a mentally handicapped frat kid out in a fair weather fan. They spout wild claims pulled from left field, along with a glaring lack of knowledge about football. This has got to be the worst group of podcasters in America. Please stop making new episodes. You had me until the lack of football knowledge.

Yeah. That hurt. That wasn't funny. That was just me. Which one of us is the mentally handicapped frat boy and which one is the fair weather fan? I think I'm the mentally handicapped frat boy. I think I'm the fair weather fan.

Yeah. I would think you're the mentally handicapped frat boy. Shit. But how is PFT a fair weather fan? The fucking cap's always stinking. He wasn't going to hit the poop. Yo, true. Good point.

Does that make you a fair weather fan, though? Chaps, you think you should eat the poop, right? Oh, god. No matter what happens, I feel like you should. Yeah. And I don't know if you know this PFT, but Chaps has a purple heart. So he probably don't want to disobey him.

All right. Do I get a purple heart if I eat poop? Brown heart. Brown heart, OK. All right, that sounds good, too. This is absolutely the worst podcast I've ever listened to my entire life. I literally thought my ears were bleeding

when the one started his mumbo jumbo about explaining women's reproductive system as an assumed straight meal. It seems like they love to offend people and don't get me started on their offensive appropriation of the Canadian culture. They assume all Canadians are simpletons that sit around and play monopoly with their cousins and jean jackets

and say, sorry, every time you go to pass. I listened to one episode because a co-worker recommended it. And now I question the morality of the co-worker. This is not the world I expected to be living in in 2017. This is not my America, not my president, not my podcast. Get this off fucking iTunes. The only people that probably like this are the alt-right. Yuck, if I had to leave zero five stars, I would.

What's even worse, they used to sing a popular song in the Jamaican culture as their intro. They don't even care about anyone, but themselves making themselves last, even at others expense. If you're not gonna remove this podcast from iTunes, at least moving down the charts. So as a normal people aren't subjugated

to the illiterate and archaic opinions skewed on this. So Yuck Mormons, hashtag not please, it's seriously offended, hashtag Bert. Okay, so that's Bert. He hashtagged his own name. That's pretty strong. Bert, I'm sorry. Get that trending.

Sounds like you're a Mormon? Well no, I, the word was moron. Yeah. No, it chapses. What did it say? Moron. What was it? He said Mormon.

Yeah, that's okay. I didn't say Mormon. That just blends together. Yeah, that's fine. This is hurtful. I just want to. I was killing that, that was a long thing to read and I feel like I did pretty well.

One point of clarification here. It sounded like he was Canadian because he was very hurt by our Canadian stereotypes. He missed one. One of our Canadian stereotypes is thinking the Raptors are actually gonna be good even though they're the softest team in the world and they get owned by LeBron every year.

On High Haters tonight, we actually had a funeral for the Raptors. Oh, that's nice. They're extinct again. Yeah, okay. Yeah, they're extinct. I'm also confused because another stereotype about Canadians is that they're polite

and this person was not very polite. And he didn't use, but he did say sorry. But I've changed my mind about Canadians now. I think they're all assholes. Yeah. Sorry, sorry, I don't mean that, guys. Go back to your monopoly game. Bunch of frat bro douchebags.

Just a couple of old frat boys who complain about their lives and wish they were still in college. Grow up and get over yourself. Also, how can this show be so ridd cleanly? They talked about having a threesome with twins that for at least a minute. That actually is, we don't know the answer to that. We were explicit for a while

and then we just lost the time. That's the way we lost her letter. Yeah. I think if everything's a prank, when you say explicit things, it doesn't count. Period. Also, what's the deal with the frat comments? Yeah.

I was in one for three months. I wasn't in a frat. I played rugby, which is totally different. They sing songs. They drink and they sing songs. And you have a bunch of dudes that hang out with it. You have mixers with other sports teams and sororities. Totally different.

Not a frat. Hank didn't even go to college. I wasn't in a frat because I'm a Christian. Where's porn ever? Zack1338494929 says, definitely gonna stick with P-Hub, much more diverse selection, rest in paradise, Harambe. Oh, you played yourself there, Zack.

You're still doing the Harambe jokes, so. Rose. We're gonna bring that back. When can we? Two years. It's almost two years since we lost our sweet print. Two years. So that's seven in gorilla years.

And the Gertwee will be a sad one. This one's five stars. Drunk and they ruined Sopranos for me. They all look stupid zero stars. That's actually pretty cool. That was Hank. Hank left that. That guy's pissed.

You think we're look stupid? There's the amount of people that reached out to me and said like, fuck Big Cat and PFT, I'm done listening because of Sopranos. Like, I hope you guys know how that affected our downloads. I just hope it was worth it. I don't care. Did you get to the part where Tony killed Christopher?

No, I stopped watching because you guys ruined the show. PGIT is almost an anagram for grit. Fat and moustachios read Chicago in Forrest Gump and a rock of love heir Brett Michael's post lobotomy to remove all knowledge from the female anatomy, have their ratings and ravings about the world sport cobbled together by nothing borderline about it, a literate and something resembling a third rate

gym road is burning. Okay, third rate gym road is burning. I mean, five words. That's okay. Five words on that one. That's what I aspire to be is like to. It's all like hyphenated together. What do you want from me?

That's tough. That's a jumbled one. Hank set me up for failure. I think he knows that. I would never do that. That's ugly if you haven't read the bill for chocolate milk ad. No.

Wait till next week. The one they sent me is fucked. Oh man, I'm wearing my glasses. If I had my simple contacts in, I could have done it with promo code pod fathers. No, take. Take. Oh, take.

Yikes. Enjoy listening to sports talk where they tend to talk a lot about random irrelevant crap. Normally place them at two times speed to get past the crap to the sports content that I actually care about. That's smart. That's smart to listen to our on point

and on the pulse of America sports analysis. Always correct sports analysis. Two veteran millennials look to use their podcast platform to rid the world of illiteracy. Is that Colin Valer calling us veteran millennials? No, we are. Yeah, you guys are. You've been millennials for a while.

Yeah, for our whole life. I've been fighting the war on Christmas. Yeah. True. And erectile dysfunction by teaching their soft, literally snowflake producer, how to rise up to the occasion. Unfortunately, he typically limps his way

through these opportunities. Unable to rise to the occasion and penetrate the moment. Use the word rise one too many times. Also, this is one of those situations where like, we can make fun of the fact that Hank has erectile dysfunction. You can't. Don't call our baby ugly.

We can call it ugly as a joke, but you don't do it. Right. It's not funny when you say that Hank can't get his penis hard. We have to say. We're allowed to talk about how limp and flaccid and just like ineffective as dick is. Not you.

I'm saying it is that it happened when he was 24. Chaps, you think I should post a dick pic to prove the haters wrong? Yeah. I think you almost have to. I think you have to. Yeah. That's what you really show him.

This might be my favorite one that I've read from you guys. Fat Tom Selleck and Goldie Hawn team up in a sci-fi adventure to cure the young boys bout of impotency and illiteracy. Okay, that's pretty good. That's short and sweet. Tell me you wouldn't watch that movie though. Yeah, I would.

I totally would. I totally would. Somebody make a movie poster for that one. It's like Overboard Meets Three Men and a Baby. We should do more movie content here. Yeah. Ooh. All right, last one.

Very correct podcast. Mike Dick has fat and nephew teams up with a high percentage of blind chick to poke fun at their producer's penis problems. It's also a guy named Bubba, but what he does is very unclear. Well, he gets hit by cars. Yeah.

So that's really what he does. He's a Michael Jordan of getting hit by cars. Yeah. Best there is, best there ever was. Wow. That's it. Sorry about all the jokes about your dick. Dude, like limp, saggy, sad, penis.

Sorry. I'm sorry about this. Sorry. Sorry. I don't think you have to like do a dick pic. Just do like a, wear some nice pleats, rub it around for a little bit and just let it poke out like a tent.

Maybe do an Anthony Ketus and put a sock on it. Yeah. Are you member of Silhouettes? Make a dick silhouette. Is it really showing your dick if it's inside a condom? That's purple. No.

No, it's like the mosaic they put on people's faces in Gangland. Exactly. It's like trying to eat a sandwich with a wrapper on it. You have to take the wrapper off. That's a condom pic. Yeah. It's a sex.

It's a condom pic, exactly. It's actually a Trojanette. Love you guys. Wait, before we get to love you guys, Monday, Blake Griffin in studio, we might drop it early. So make sure you subscribe. Uncle Chaps, thank you so much. Can you guys do the drop it early

if you do like 690 retweets at this time? Yeah, we'll do that. You know what? We'll do that. We'll do that on Sunday with Blake Griffin. Really fun interview. We had him in today. And make sure you get ready for it.

Love you guys. Love you guys. Go ahead. Oh, wow. Ugly. Take on me. Take on me. Take me.

Take on me. I'll be gone. And they are too. So needless to say, my odds and ends. But I'll be stumbling away. Slowly learning that life is OK. Say after me. It's no better to be safe than sorry.

Take on me. Take on me. Take me. Take it on me. I'll be gone. And they are too. It's part of my take presented by Barstool Sports.