Pardon My Take - Jason Biggs, DK Metcalf and Aaron Donald, And An Old School Skype Show

Episode Date: February 19, 2020

We’re kicking it Old School style with a Skype show with PFT in Atlantic City and Big Cat in Detroit. Rob Manfred tries a redo press conference and Lebron now has logged on with his thoughts. (2:45-18:15) Hot Seat/Cool Throne with Mark Richt’s hot dogs and A crazy Daytona finish. (18:45-28:49) Jason Biggs joins the show to reminisce about American Pie, what he’s doing now, and how he was one of the first people to be cancelled on twitter. (29:15-1:00:31) We do a rare dual interview with Aaron Donald and DK Metcalf at the same time and it was weird and funny and different. (1:02:06-1:23:12) We finish up with guys on chicks and bachelor talk (1:25:14-1:33:05)You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music. On today's pardon my take, we have a little bit of a weird one because we have Jason Biggs, awesome interview with Jason Biggs, and then we tried the most ambitious interviewing possible. We had DK Metcalf and Aaron Donald Superbowl Week. We had DK Metcalf planned for 11am, Aaron Donald planned for 11.30, DK Metcalf showed

up late, Aaron Donald showed up early, so we interviewed them together, and it really made no sense, but I think it was pretty funny and weird and stupid, and I can tell you that you won't hear a Pizza Hut interview any different than that. We also have some more Rob Manfred's and Idiot, which is a theme now of this show and every show in America, Hot Seat Cool Throne, and because it is Wednesday, guys on chicks before we do all that. Pardon my take is brought to you by the Cash App, not only is it the easiest place to send money to your friends, but it's also a place where you can buy fractional shares

of stock with as little as $1. Hey, our PFT, I was about to ask Hank, but I'll explain the situation with Hank after this. PFT, will you be investing in the stock market? I'm definitely going to be investing in the stock market, Big Cap, because I'm about to lose a lot of money this week, and I'm going to need to make some of that back on the back end. Nice.

Nice. So I'm thinking about betting on, I'm thinking about investing in all the companies that I'm about to lose money to over the next two days. Can I give you a tip? Apple. Apple, okay. Done. Yep.

Apple. Alright, so go invest with printers, printers, and copiers, and fax machines. So go invest right now. You can actually buy pet national stock, and I'm telling you if you should or you shouldn't, but you can. You can get involved in the stock market with as little as $1 brokerage services are provided by Cash App Investing, a subsidiary of Square member SIPC, and of course, when you download the Cash App and enter the referral code BARSTULE, you'll receive $10 by yourself a

beer, a couple beers, and maybe a zillion beers, and the Cash App will now send $10 to the ASPCA. Download the Cash App from the App Store or Google Play Store today and get involved. Okay, let's go. Bye. Bye. Now in the street there is violence, and then a lot of work to be done. No place to hang out or wash in, and then I can't blame all on the sun.

Oh no, we're gonna rock it down too. Shake high value, and let me take it higher. Oh, we're gonna rock it down too. Shake high value, and let me take it higher. Welcome to Part of My Take, presented by the Cash App. Go download it right now, use code BARSTULE for $10 for free, and $10 to the ASPCA. Today is Wednesday, February 19th, and this is Part of My Take, Speed Edition. And Speed, I'm not talking about the drug PFT, I'm talking about the fact that I cannot

move a muscle while we record this episode, because I'm in Detroit, you're in Atlantic City, the microphone, the Zoom recorder doesn't work, so Hank has a rig set up, and he looked me dead in the eye right before we started recording, he said, if you move an inch, everything will be bad. Okay, well good luck, you're like the opposite of the movie speed. Yeah, you know how they like sit there, and then they run the camera over on loop and loop and loop, you can do that for me right now, because I'm not gonna move the entire episode.

So Dennis Hopper's sitting there, RIP, saying, hey wait a second, I've watched this movie before, Wildcat, and then he wanted to fuck Sandra Bullock. That's actually great for you though, like talk about a skill set that matches up perfectly with what you're doing right now, you are legally not allowed to move off the couch. Yes, with the TV on, watching games, so I'm in heaven, but we're gonna do the show. I think you just made up that fact that Hank told you, and you're just saying like, I'm under doctors orders tonight, just like that time that you made us all go over to your apartment because you had some fake back injury, and you wanted to just not move and watch

Sunday Night Football. Which is different than the time that you got surgery for injury you didn't need to get surgery for. That is a different time. Yeah, that's a different time. It's a different time. Got it. But yeah, it is gonna be a weird, it's actually gonna be a weird week of part of my take,

because you're gonna be traveling around, I'm gonna be here in, actually a lot of similarities between Atlantic City and Detroit, Michigan, two wonderful places to go visit in February. There's no ifs ands or buts about it, so we're gonna be doing Skype, it's gonna be a little bit of a throwback this week to the 2016 days, I like it. Alright, so with that said, with the table set, I would like to read something to you PFT, a thought starter if you will, and I won't tell you who it's from, you can decide. It starts with, listen, I know I don't play baseball, but I am in sports and I know if someone cheated me out of winning the title, I found out about it, I would be, now I don't

know what word they're using here, because it's an F, then there's a star, then there's an up arrow, K-I-N-G, so it's not even, yeah I mean, keep the feet, keep the feet alright, he would be fucking irate, I mean uncontrollable about what I would slash could do, listen here baseball commissioner, listen to your players speaking today about how disgusted, mad, hurt, broken, et cetera, et cetera, about this, literally the ball, and it's a baseball emoji, is in your court, that's actually not literal, or should I say field, and you need to fix this for the sake of sports, hashtag just my thoughts coming from a sports junkie regardless my own sport I play, that's a great hashtag that you finished it out with, hashtag

just my thought would have been good too, I don't know why I didn't drop a hashtag on that one too, but I actually think the best part of that entire thread that LeBron James put out was listen here baseball commissioner, because a lot like the rest of America LeBron James can't be bothered to learn who the commissioner of baseball is, but I've been forced to hear his name, I think just like a month ago when we were down in New Orleans talking about Rob Manfred, I think I said a part of my take just in passing, and whoever the commissioner of baseball is, because that's just not a wrinkle that I wanted in my brain, was to know that guy's name, it's like learning the name of an offensive lineman, or a referee

in football, if you learn a commissioner's name, it's because they fucked up at some point, and I just moved a little and Hank shot me a fucking dagger, sorry. Are you done? Do we have to start over with the show? No, no, we're good, we're good. I agree with you. Because I was going on an epic rant about learning commissioner's names right there. I don't know, you kind of killed the momentum to that one. I agree with you that the Q rating of Rob Manfred has gone significantly up these past few weeks, and it's not for a good reason. The fact that it's now crossed over into LeBron

James, like LeBron is just bored because it's still all star break, NBA doesn't come back until Thursday night, and so he probably did some deep digging, and by deep digging, I mean he probably watched Get Up and scrolled through Twitter, and was like, hold on, this is fucked up, let me get, listen here, commissioner, like an old guy grabbing a young kid by the collar, and being like, listen here kids, get off my property, so good hashtag with LeBron, I wish he had just done the whole tweet as a hashtag, because I feel like we're close to that with LeBron, I mean, just my thoughts coming from a sports junk junkie regardless of my own sport I play, that's quite a hashtag, so why not just go the whole

tweet, and then we all have to like stare at it for a while, like a magic eye poster trying to figure out what he's saying, and we get a little bit closer to the NBA being back. Well, what obviously happened, I think you're right, he was watching ESPN or ESPN 2 this morning enjoying a nice breakfast Cabernet Sauvignon, and then he heard Rob Manfred say that the trophy is a piece of metal, and LeBron just spit out his entire mouth full of dry red wine, covered his flat screen TV with it, and could not believe that a commissioner would disrespect a trophy like that, and so he had to get in front of it as a sports junkie

regardless of my own sport that he play, and put his two cents out into the world, and I do like how you can say whatever you want, like reading this tweet and reading the hashtag at the end, it became apparent that if you put something in hashtag format, you can get away with saying a lot more, like you could say something really, really controversial as long as it's preceded by a hashtag, like if Aubrey Huff had tweeted a hashtag, I want to kidnap Iranian women and force them to feed me grapes on my ATV, I don't think that he would be in the same position that he's in, for whatever reason that the number sign in front of whatever statement that you're trying to make, kind of takes a sting out

of it a little bit. Yeah, Aubrey Huff would be at the 2010 San Francisco Giants World Series celebration taking place this summer, so Rob Manfred did the double press conference, when you do a double press conference, you're fucked up, that is always a sign, it's the old Urban Meyer, when Urban Meyer says something really stupid and then comes back and is like, hey, I didn't mean the really stupid thing, but then says even more dumb things on top of it to just make it significantly worse. So Rob Manfred pulling the Urban Meyer today got in front of the world and basically was

like my bad, I screwed up, and then after all we've heard is that the players have insisted they weren't using trash cans in the 2017 playoffs, Manfred says that there was evidence that they were and the evidence was statements from players. So he again has contradicted himself, his own players, his report, like everything is on fire, he is the dumpster fire gift and there's nothing he can do to put it out and I'm hoping, I'm hoping PFT, we get the rarely seen triple press conference, I need another press conference, being like, hey guys, that other thing I said, also not right, so let me try to clarify it even more and do an even worse job of fixing this.

It's like baseball needs a vice president of apologies, they need one too, not only the Astros, Rob Manfred, they should do the dumpster fire gift for him, except it's Alex Bregman beating the shit out of the side of the dumpster while it's on fire. And then MLB is coming out of the top of it. I think he's like, if we're going to actually attach a gift to this scandal right now, he would be sideshow Rob and he's just stepping on rakes in every single press conference that he gives. But he's actually doing a good job filling the gap between the end of XFL week two and

the start of the NFL Combine. So for that, I appreciate him giving us something to talk about and for him to give LeBron James something to occupy his brain for the two days that he has off until he gets back to playing basketball. Yeah. By the way, Hank, what was the quote that we found that our colleague hubs was was nice enough to find a quote that Alex Bregman had on our own podcast that he said, what was it?

His favorite unwritten rule is the rules that get you beamed with fastballs when you deserve it. So that sucks for Alex Bregman that he had that quote. That's a tough quote. You hate to see it. To now have an entire, you're facing an entire season. And that's actually really the story here because we're not going to like nothing's going to change.

Rob Manfred has had ample opportunity to suspend any of these players. It's not going to happen. So instead of using your energy to be like he should suspend the players, use your energy to wish and hope that all the Astro players have career horrific years at the plate. And then it further proves that they were cheating and also hope that everyone shows up to the games with trash cans and they all get beamed, maybe not headhunted because they won't root for injury, but no, just chaos for every like they should, they, the Astros being a side show of their own right all baseball season is what we all need to root for collectively

at this point. Absolutely. I want to have every single opposing team playing just trash cans, getting beaten like it's like it's the playstomp on the Jumbotron for the walkup music for every single player that was on that 2017 team. Oh yeah. People are going to go crazy with it. It's going to be awesome.

I'm very excited for it. What other stories? We don't really have many other stories. I saw the only other story, you know, it's a slow sports day when we spend basically the entire morning talking about gun slash poop girl on Twitter. So that was pretty much that was, that was our Tuesday, February 18th. In the world of sports. I think that she's almost become more of poop slash gun girl now.

That's kind of more of what she's known for. I got an opportunity. I was lucky enough to interview her over the summer when I was, what city was it? It was one of those debate cities that they had. Oh, it's actually Detroit. It's where you're at right now. I got you there. And I asked her if she pooped herself and she looked at me and she goes, does that turn

you on? And to be honest, it kind of did. I think I might be a gun poop girl simp. I mean, in that moment, you could see it in the reflection of your sunglasses that it definitely did turn you on. But no, but I mean, it's like, we're in that weird spot where college basketball obviously has been awesome. Dayton, by the way, by all your Dayton stock, because I mean, they already, they've

been unbelievable, but they also have like a weird, you know, when you see a fan base, like start, start tweeting you, like say something nice about this team. Dayton has done that to the max. I have been requested to say something nice about Dayton every single day for the last month and a half. So here's me saying something nice about Dave, but we are in this weird sports like zone where March Madness hasn't started, NBA is off, gun slash poop girls causing riots and Rob Manfred is stepping on rakes slash lighting himself on fire.

And LeBron's doing a super long hashtag. So that's where we're at. Yeah, I think the biggest, the biggest NFL story that came out today was Floreo getting upset that Joe Burrow has yet to sign his name in blood on a contract saying I am absolutely dying to be a Cincinnati bangle. And so we're trying to like parse his words a little bit and see if he is, if he's going to pull like a Eli Manning or a John L. Weir or something like that, even though all he said is I'm going to go play for

the team that drafts me basically. But yeah, we're really dissecting that a little bit. But I do want to say in major sports news today, I just remembered this and I want credit if it happens. I had a dream last night. My dream. Oh, cool. Let's hear about your dreams.

But no, here's all I'm going to say. Joe, Joe Burrow was the quarterback of the Carolina Panthers. Oh, okay. And then halfway through my dream, he changed into two. So you're dreaming about Joe Burrow. If either one of those situations occurs where one of those two quarterbacks plays for the Carolina Panthers, I want my subconscious to be credited for for breaking that news.

Here's a part about the Joe Burrow story that I don't understand. So he has not said anything about like, oh, I'm not going to play for Cincinnati. He has not done an Eli Manning. We've all just assumed it. But like, why wouldn't he the Bengals? I mean, people forget Carson Palmer was ready to retire from the Cincinnati Bengals instead of playing for them. He the only reason he got traded to the Raiders is because Jason Campbell got

hurt and the Raiders did something desperate. Like this is a franchise that is not committed to winning. And again, I think Joe Burrow is going to go play there. He's going to be a star there. He's probably going to bring them out of the depths of hell. But even Bengals fans will tell you, like their ownership does not care about winning a Super Bowl. They just want to be NFL owners, sell some tickets and maybe go to the

playoffs every couple of years. Like that's not a franchise that wants to win. And I'm talking that from someone who roots for a franchise that doesn't really want to win a Super Bowl in the Chicago Bears. Like NPFT, the Redskins do not want to win a Super Bowl. So we can say it at like from a point of, we know exactly how it feels. Why wouldn't Joe Burrow be like, I don't want to go to a place that doesn't want to win a Super Bowl?

Hank, you're the same way too. You root for the Patriots and they've had a couple, you know, a bad run of the last 13 months. It must be tough. And I want to correct one thing that you said, Bikette. I think that the Redskins do want to win a Super Bowl, but Dan Snyder is so thoroughly incompetent. Hold on.

Hold on. There's a difference though. Of course, every franchise wants to win a Super Bowl. The Redskins, the Bears, the Lions, the Bengals, the Browns. There's a list of like probably 10, 15 teams that don't want to do what it takes to win a Super Bowl. And that is hire smart people and bold it, like step away and run it like a professional franchise and, and you, you know, like invest money,

invest dollars in training staff, training, so like, there's a list of things that model franchises do. And there's probably no joke. Like a third of the NFL just doesn't want to do it. They just want to be in the NFL. And it's like 75% of baseball. Yeah. That really doesn't care about that either.

But you're right. Like I wouldn't blame Joe Burrow if he did end up going down that path at all. I don't think that he's going to, but I, I would not like hold it against him if he decided, you know what, I'd rather not play for a team that didn't have an indoor practice facility until like a tornado hit the, hit the city of Cincinnati three years ago. Right.

Right. It's one of those weird things where we're all talking about it and we're getting pre mad at Joe Burrow, even though again, he has not done anything. But even if he did say it, I wouldn't, I don't think you can begrudge him because it would be the correct move for him, for like his life. Yeah. But getting pre mad is a lot of fun. There's, there's nothing quite like getting worked up into a lather when it

comes to sports. And I say that just my thoughts coming from a sports junkie, regardless, my own sport. I play. Um, all right. If you want to watch us, by the way, if you want to watch me not move, if you want to watch PFT in Atlantic city, you can do it barstylgold.com. Slash PMT.

Let's get to our hot seat, cool throne. And then we're going to get to our interviews with Jason Biggs and then the dual interview with DK Metcalf and Aaron Donald rarely done where we had two separate guests booked and then just combine them to interview them at the same time, because their time slots overlapped. And we said, fuck it. Uh, very weird, but very fun. So before we do hot seat, cool throne, hot seat, cool throne is brought to

you by our friends at Bud Light Seltzer. Try it for yourself and see why great tasting Bud Light Seltzer is putting every other hard Seltzer on the hot seat. PFT, why don't you start? Or is Bubba going to do it? Or are you going to Bubba's going to do it as well? Bubba, why don't you start? I don't have one.

Okay. So your hot seat is you and your cool throne. Um, Greg Olson, Greg Olson, cool. Greg Olson. Okay. There we go. Yeah. He signed with the Seahawks, right?

Yeah. That's good. You're up, up to date on it. I thought Greg Olson was going to retire. So I was happy to see him on the Seahawks. I was happy to see him on the Seahawks too, but then it also meant that he kind of may have taken a spot from our buddy, Luke Wilson. So that's, well, we'll figure that out.

Yeah. I mean, Luke always, he's always around. He'll, he'll stick around. But you know what? Uh, it means that he's not signing with the bills and not signing with the R words. I know the R words are getting rid of Jordan Reed. So maybe Luke Wilson will go to Washington or maybe he'll go to Buffalo. Two teams that I think we could find it in our hearts to, to cheer him on for.

Absolutely. Absolutely. All right. Pft. What's your hot seat? Cool throne. Thanks, Liam. That was great.

Thanks. Good job, Bubba. My hot seat is death. Death is firmly on the hot seat. Uh, I don't know if you, I mean, I assume that you watched the end of the Daytona 500 yesterday. Uh, Denny Hamlin got the W at the finish line. Ryan Newman's car got flipped.

He got broadsided. It was honestly like sickening to watch. I didn't see it as it happened. I was in my kitchen looking over my, uh, my like cabinet area. I saw the checkered flag. I saw them say Denny Hamlin wins. And then I walked over to my TV about two minutes later and it was just, it was honestly like one of the scariest sites that I've ever seen watching sports.

I was like, I was genuinely afraid and sad about what was going on at the time. And, uh, the fact that he was able to survive that wreck with, I know it's, you know, it's probably serious injuries, but the fact that he's still alive is just, it's incredible. And it's honestly like a testament to what NASCAR has done since Dale Earnhardt passed away at the Daytona 500 like 20 years ago. It's like genuinely a miracle that he got hit going 200 miles an hour. He got flipped and T boned and he was able to survive.

It was incredible. Like it was terrifying in the moment, but now that things have kind of settled a little bit, it's, uh, it's, it's kind of amazing to think that you're, that humans were able to design a car that can help somebody survive that. So death is on your hot seat because death didn't show up because death didn't show up. Yeah. Got it. Absolutely. Got it. Okay. You're cool. Um, my cool throne is slugs.

Oh, that was mine too. Oh, really? You had slugs? Well, no, because John B. Line got, got fired slash walked away. No, John, John Bayline, uh, mutually agreed with himself that he was not going to return to coach the Cleveland Cavaliers in the second half of the season. So Kevin Love doesn't have to deal with them anymore.

Um, if we're going to stick with kind of the, the gift theme of this episode, he's the grandpa Simpson walking in, putting his hat on the coat rack, turning around, picking up his hat and walking out the front door for, uh, for the way the season has gone. So I don't know if 12 NBA wins. If you had a conspiracy mind, I don't, I'm a connect the not the, the dots guy, not a conspiracy theory guy. I would say that maybe diehard Ohio State fan LeBron James had something to do

with getting Michigan man, John Bayline out the door, but I'm not. So I won't say that. So my cool throne is actually Cavs players because I don't think there's ever been a situation where a team has hated its coach from the get-go more than they hated him. So, uh, yeah, and also just the cool throne of now we don't have to do this whole college coach to, to pro and thinking that it's going to work when, oh yeah, uh, the guy's been coaching 18 year olds that basically have no other

options and basically don't get paid. So they have to listen to everything you say. Doesn't work the same when you go coach, uh, grown men who make a lot, a lot of money. So I love when that happens. When a college coach thinks they can go to the pros and be just as much of a dickhead as they were in college. And then everyone in the, and everyone in the NBA or NFL is like, Hey,

we don't really have to do all these things that you're making us do because we kind of know how to do it ourselves. We're professional athletes. We make six times as much money as you do. Right. Uh, has it ever really worked out like Larry Brown is one example that I'm thinking of where it's kind of worked out a little bit at times, but besides him, I'm struggling to think of, I mean, is, is, what's his name?

Coach for his job, Hank, Brad Stevens, Brad Stevens. Okay. He's not that. All right. So then that's worked out, right? Okay. So it's worked out perfectly for everybody. Oh, also my cool throne is, um, who, who am you?

Pifty, you just muted yourself. Good. Good. That's you deserve it. Why? You can't, I can't hear you. Yeah. I can't hear you.

PFC just went mute. We'll keep this in. He just went fully mute. Idiot. Do you do, you do one too many gifts on a fucking podcast. I was going to say more of the Homer Simpson one. Yeah. The Homer Simpson one just muted your ass.

P and PFC can't respond to any of this. I don't, I don't, I don't know why this is happening, bitch. You can't respond. You can't respond. You can't do anything. Who goes to Atlantic City in the winter? Yeah. Who goes to the city in the winter?

You weirdo. How about now? Can you hear me? He's just yelling into the mic right now. There's nothing you can do. I can hear you. I don't know what happened, but he's, how about now? Oh, there he is.

What's up? Hey, we didn't say anything about you while you were gone. No, I heard everything that you said. Why, why is, is Hank mad that I was talking shit about his Patriots? No, he's okay. He's okay. He just said he was just talking a little guff about Atlantic

City. We're really sucked was while you're saying all that big cat, you were moving around a little bit. So I guess you can't use any of that audio. Nope. It's, it's all good. Hank's been watching. We're good.

All right. My hot seat is Mark Rick. So he tweeted a picture of his dinner, which was a hot dog. Just slathered in beans and ketchup. And I think there's some cheese on there. I don't even know what's going on, but this is the guy who had a heart attack like three months ago. And he's just out there stunting on everyone with his hot dog

delight that looks so unhealthy and he doesn't give a fuck. That's a true football guy to be basically be like laughing the face of heart attacks and eat that and put that on Twitter. I am PFT. I know you saw this. This is disgusting. Oh, it's his birthday dinner. It's his birthday dinner.

It's his favorite food in the world. This is this is hot dog delight. Word of advice, if you are preparing any food, if you're a chef and you're coming up with a recipe, just put the word delight or surprise at the end of it. Yes. You've got a winner on your hands. Yeah, but yeah, this is this is the ultimate football guy move

because college football players when they're getting into coaching, they go straight into being a grad assistant and then they kind of work their way up the system that way. So they don't leave college for probably 10 or 12 years after normal person would. So to them, if you can't cut it up and throw it into like a bowl of ramen noodles, then you might as well be eating foie gras or something way too fancy.

So this is just what a college kid would have in their pantry chopped up and then thrown on to like a piece of bread. Yeah, that's what he made. And I guarantee he calls his wife. It's probably like Miss Lucy or whatever. This is Miss Lucy's favorite treat that she knows to make him on special occasions. I was going to say, maybe he's missing a word in his tweet.

It says hot dog delight. My favorite birthday dinner. I like I feel like it should say hot dog delight. My favorite boys and it's like talking about his dog or something. You know what I mean? Like my favorite pet's dinner. I think it might be the other way. I think that it's not even his birthday today.

I think he was just scrolling through his phone and saw a picture that he took on his birthday when he was eating hot dog delight. And he just wanted to post like just FYI. This is my favorite birthday dinner hot dog delight. Or even it's not his birthday, but he made that today like really has nothing to do with anything. This is just what I like to eat every birthday. But I'm also just eating it today randomly.

Yeah, it's deconstructed Skyline Chili. Yeah, it is his birthday. He turned 60. So congrats on turning 60. Coach Rick, you got to eat what look like throw up diet. Like like you ate your dog's diarrhea, then threw it up on top of a hot dog. It looked like you ate something that looks like what many Diaz coaches like. Yes, there you go.

The U is back. The U is so back. All right, let's get to our interviews. We're going to start with Jason Biggs. Then we have the dual interview. The most ambitious crossover ever, DK Metcalf, Aaron Donald. Together, Aaron Donald walks in about five minutes in. We also have a bonus guest of Brandon Walker trying to fight DK Metcalf.

So it took a lot of turns and then we started eating a lot of pizza. So let's get to that right now. But first we will do Jason Biggs. OK, we now welcome on a very special guest. It is Jason Biggs. You know him as an actor your entire life. He is in a new Fox comedy called Outmatched. Correct. Is that based on a true story?

Not specifically, but the right, you know, the creator of the show is a parent and, you know, it takes this idea that, you know, parenting is insanely difficult and you basically give birth to these alien creatures that you, you know, have trouble communicating with. And every day you feel like you're in over your head. I mean, are you a parent? Yes, I am. Yeah. So you get it.

Yeah. Well, my kid's only eight months, so he doesn't really do anything yet. Just wait, just wait. But I like the I'm in on the show just because it elicited you as a guy's guy. I mean, that's pretty much it. So basically just a guy's guy. Working class couple Mike and Kay. I play Mike, Maggie Lawson, awesome, hilarious plays plays Kay. High school, sweethearts, blue collar, Atlantic City, New Jersey.

They have four kids, three of whom are off the charts, genius, smart. The fourth, not so much. And she's their favorite. OK. And yeah. So, you know, it takes this idea of just your average couple, you know, trying to figure out how to raise these like insanely smart children. Right. You listen, I'm a dad to a six year old and a two year old. Don't know if their genius is.

Obviously they're smart. But they're obviously I know that obviously I was like, wait, I guess I shouldn't have said obviously. Well, clearly, I mean, they're my spawn. Yeah. So they're obviously very gifted. Right. Good looking. They speak German. They do speak German.

That's crazy. It is kind of crazy. Yeah. So are they bilingual or bilingual? Fully bilingual. Well, how did you guys decide to do that? So my wife studied in Heidelberg after college and had a and then met a guy, had a boyfriend there for a while who didn't speak any English and lived with him and his family. And that's the father of your child.

That's the father. That's the real father of my children. Right. OK. That makes sense. So he's around. So he's around pretty often. To be honest, he's around more than I am. So so that's why they speak so much German and that's why their English is limited to words like, get out of my house, you crazy German. You're not my dad.

Yeah. Yeah. You're not my real dad. Their English is that's pretty much all they know how to say, because that's all I'm saying. Have you ever have you ever seen a person that's trained their dog in German because dogs spawn better to those types of commands? Yeah. Well, there's like, yeah, there's there's like, there's like security German shepherds and stuff that are only take German commands or Adobe Doberman pinchers.

But actually, so my wife comes back from Heidelberg with fluency in German and no one to speak it to. And she got a dog, this little toy poodle, and she just immediately started speaking German to the dog. So when I met her, she had had this dog for already for six or seven years and would be speaking German to this little tiny poodle who only understood German. Right. Like he wouldn't he knew I couldn't say, hey, let's go for a walk or

hey, you want a cookie? He would have no fucking clue what it meant. Right. You can cast. OK, good. I say you saw the pause there. Right. Let it go. How much for a kid's guy are you? Yeah, shit, man. So anyway, I was like, that's so weird.

But OK, you've got a poodle that speaks German. And then when we had finally, when we had our our kid, first kid, she was like, I want to speak German to him. I was like, great, why not? What the hell? So do you know it? I know context a little bit. I don't really know. That's basically it sounds a little.

I could I guess I can understand a little bit. But for the most part, it's like, I'm, you know, Charlie Brown, that teacher, that's what my house sounds like to me. That's what I hear. Yeah, the German language is weird because I think when you listen to Spanish or you listen to French or the Romance languages, you can kind of pick up some intonation. Well, yeah, there is you're right.

There's like that little element of English that kind of comes across sometimes. But there's also more variance in like the emotion that's being conveyed with German. You can be like, I love you. It's like, yeah, it's very harsh. Yeah, it's not a soft language. It's very it's very direct. And they have like it's kind of crazy. They have words to describe very specific things.

So like where and I can't give you an example, so don't ask for it. But where we will have to sort of describe things using in many words, they'll have a word for it, you know, you know, I don't know, this shitty example, but like we would have to say, I'm pooping with the door closed. They have a word for pooping, but they also have a word for pooping with the door closed. You know what I mean? Very efficient, very sort of efficient. We're just going to skip to the skip it.

It was like shot. I don't need to say all those syllables. They've got that word that means like you take pleasure in other people's pain. Shot and Freud, shot and Freud, which is a week. Just call it Marv Albert over here. But they're just like shot the front, which is great. You're actually the first guest that we've had in our studio since we've officially installed this bench press.

When you walked in where you like, fuck, I'm so intimidated by these alphas. Well, yeah, honest with you, I saw. I didn't even see the bench press because it was your muscles were blocking it. I couldn't see past the fair. But yeah, you guys are fucking jacked. It's kind of crazy. But now I understand why. How much do you bench?

I bench about that. What's the up there now? One thirty five. Yeah, one thirty five. That's what I want to give it a wrap. Yeah, I would add. Yeah, I would add like one one played. OK, we'll try at the end, maybe if you're up for it. All right, so I have a real question.

You were we're of the age. So we're both thirty five. I almost said thirty four. We just turned thirty five. So American Pie obviously was right in our sweet spot. Yep. Was there a moment when you're doing that movie and you would act at all your life and you went to Tish and you had a dream of

being, you know, an actor, you do that movie. Was there a moment where you're like, that was good, but it's not going to be huge. And then have that transfer and to be like, oh, my God, this is a phenomenon. I'm famous now. Yeah, I mean, there was it was interesting when I when I auditioned for that movie, it was the summer of ninety eight spring of ninety eight. And I was auditioning for that was like the peak of teen movie like craziness. Every other movie was a teen movie.

And it was awesome for a teen actor. I was nineteen at the time, but to be in LA and at that time was pretty awesome. And so I was auditioning for everything. And, you know, you'd read these scripts and be like, oh, OK, but please, if you'll take me, I would love to do this movie. You know, I would have taken any job, obviously. And I remember when I read American Pie, which wasn't called American Pie at the time, but I read that script thinking, oh, man, this one, this one's better than

all the other ones. This is pretty dope. This is hilarious. Like it was the first time I was like laughing out loud at a script. And I read that role of Jim and I was like, fuck, that'd be dope to do this. Like this will stand out for sure. Right. It stood out on paper. Right. And I happened to get that was the one I happened to get, you know, like how incredible. So and then when the whole cast got together and I remember that first

table read of the script, when all the cast was in place, I remember afterwards like talking to some of the other guys. Eddie K. Thomas is a really good friend of mine. He played Finch in the movies and we had known each other before American Pie. Actually, we were both kid actors in New York and we were talking afterwards. And we're like, this seems like it's dope. Right. Like so we kind of thought and then as we started filming it and the and really the chemistry of us of us main guys, sort of the four main

and then and then Sean Williams, Scott, right? Because we just had like the best time. And we were just we were just kids. We had no we were just having the most fun we've ever we had ever had in our lives up to that point. Right. And it translated on the screen. I mean, we were just four, five buddies hanging out. Right. And so we were like, this maybe could be something.

All that being said, you know, we still have no fucking clue. You know, like we shoot the movie and you just kind of go, OK, I guess. We'll wait and see what happens. You know, we knew it was universal. So it was like not some little indie, which I had been doing a bunch of. You know, you you show up on set of this movie and you go, cool. You tell your mom, I'm doing a movie. And then it's like five years later, what happened in that movie?

He's like, I don't fucking know. I mean, that that still happens to me all the time, you know. But this one felt like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's it's some it's going to come out. It's like a real thing I did, you know. And and then what really sort of crystallized it was they released a red band trailer. Now, nowadays, the internet, it's like there's, you know,

it's it's we're kind of anesthetized to it. I don't know. But at the time when they were just doing trailers in the movie theater, really, they released a red band. You know, you're still used to seeing that green thing come, you know, following preview and and then the red one came out and it showed a clip of me fucking the pie. And and it and it was the equivalent of going viral today. You know, whatever that was, I remember when it happened, it was like,

oh, this is too hot for the movie. What is this? Like, yeah, I felt like I was like being a bad kid because I was watching that trailer. Totally. And it was like I hit a heroin when I was like, I want more. He'd go chase this and you're exactly right. Like that buzz, I still remember it. It was like, I got to go see this movie. Yeah. And there was it was the beginning of the like internet kind of.

There were like some it did kind of went the equivalent of viral at the time, which still wasn't, you know, now it would be everywhere, obviously. But but but it was it was more of a like kids were talking about it. Right. Did you see that red band? Holy shit. What is that movie using all the AOL chat rooms back in the day? It was just like horny dudes pretending that they were 17 year old girls and then other guys being like, yo, did you see that trailer? Exactly. Right. Exactly. No, but I love checking out these 17 year old girls.

Right. Right. They respond. So then it comes out and then you're like, oh, man, this actually is everything we thought it would be. Yep. Was there. I always am fascinated with people who have like overnight fame at a young age. Did it fuck with your head? You know, you know, sure. I mean, for me, fame is still like super surreal and crazy. Like I it's not something I'm just used to.

I mean, it is part of my life. And so in some regards, it has become a normal thing. But conceptually, it's still so crazy. It's ridiculous. It's so it's so bizarro that I'm that, you know what I mean? It still trips me out all the time. But at the time, yes, of course it did. It amazed me how quickly it happened. Yeah, for sure. The next day.

So it came out on Friday. On Saturday, my buddy and I were walking to go get breakfast. We were in LA and we left our apartment to go get breakfast. And we just had one street to cross and we came to the intersection. We crossed that street in the first car parked at the stoplight. The people there were like a group of teens and they stuck their head out the window and they were like, oh, my God, oh, my God, do the dance, do the dance. And I like I was like, hey, what's up?

And like walk to breakfast with my buddy and my buddy. We were just sitting there kind of like we didn't say anything for a while. So we're like, what the fuck? Right. And he literally tells me he's like, your life is about to change. Holy shit. That's awesome. Yeah, it was fast. You had that crystallized moment. Oh, everything's different.

It was crazy. Now, I also had been doing this for like already at that point, I'd been doing it for 15 something years and had had some cool gigs. Nothing like that. I'd been on a TV show and like I would get, you know, I'd get I got recognized once or twice, you know, like and then it was canceled and I would go back to being a kid in school and then I did, you know, whatever. I worked enough and sort of saw the ups and downs already at that point that I think I was a little bit better prepared than most in so far as

I didn't take it for granted. I appreciated the absurdity of it, still do. And also expected it to go away, which it kind of did, you know, like it's I mean, I'm still the guy like that hasn't gone away. I still get recognized all the time. But in terms of the sort of the consistency of work, you know, like I got thrown every movie. It was like I was busy as fuck for two, three, four years.

But I was like, this is going to chill at some point. And of course it did. You know, that's what happens. It's good that you recognize the absurdity of it. I feel like a lot of people don't sit back and think of it from a big perspective of like it is surreal that people all over the world know who I am. It's crazy. Because if you look back just like throughout history before like photographs or movies, there would be like two or three people in every country

that people knew, right? It would be like the king. It would be like, I don't know, the best warrior and maybe the hottest chick. That's about it, right? And nowadays it's like so many people are having to deal with it. And basically nobody is prepared to deal with it. So I think that I don't want to say detachment, but having that perspective of like it is weird that this is happening actually is very, very healthy.

Yeah, there's and there's and there's another element in today's it like when I got famous in 99, it was a kind of fame that still was happening, you know, not on the reg. It was like, oh, you're in a big you broke out. Holy shit, like everyone saw that movie, you know, and it became a thing that sort of cemented a certain status that would carry with, you know, that I would carry with me for the rest of my life. Nowadays, everyone can anyone can be famous.

Yeah, people are on Tik Tok, right? Now you're literally overnight. And it's something people really shoot for. I mean, look, people through generations have wanted to be famous, you know what I mean? But but now it's it's so within people's reach and the desire has has multiplied. I think so much like in you could any day, any point, any moment, any sort of guy's guy could just be a fucking could become famous, you know? And for any sort of thing, it doesn't even, you know, who knows what?

How crazy would that have been if Instagram was around right when you were becoming famous at 19? The DMs, dude, DMs would have been crazy, man. Well, I think about Instagram, Twitter and, you know, I the for me, they it all happened after I had already met my wife. If I was single, like dangerous, though. Danger very dangerous internet forever. I actually have a question about your Twitter.

Were you the first person to ever be canceled on Twitter? Good question. That is a good question. I don't think I was the first. I didn't realize that you had some tweets that were very early internet. And I hate the like going back like 10 years and being like, oh, well, this. But you did get fired from your teenage mutant Ninja Turtle gig, right? Yes.

Which is a hilarious sentence. But you were kind of the first. You're too edgy for the internet. Yeah, it was, you know, it was interesting. I Twitter came around at a time for me when, you know, I was struggling with my own sort of identity. I'd been American Pie famous for these all these years. You know, it had been about, it had been about, you know, 10 plus years,

15 years at that point. And I was starting to see the effects of, you know, of being so closely associated with one role in terms of how it affected my career. And then Twitter came around and I saw it and I have a pretty dark, you know, I'd like to fuck around and, and I, you know, I have a provocative, I guess, sense of humor, at least I thought I did. And I Twitter kind of became this outlet for me to just kind of fuck around and show like, Hey, you know what?

Everyone sees me as like this wholesome little American Pie guy, even though ironically, American Pie is anything but wholesome, but, but there was this sort of identification I think people had. And I don't know, I just had fun and my wife and I were kind of concurrently because she's fucking nuts. The both of us were just kind of taking a Twitter and just kind of saying weird crass, whatever things other people were doing it. I'm a huge Howard Stern fan, you know, for me, like that kind of

comedy where you just, you know, go for it, fuck it, whatever, you know, which now does not work. No. Okay. Unless you're grandfathered in like Howard Stern. Yeah. Right. But it, but for me, I was like, Oh, cool, man.

I could say whatever the fuck. And the overwhelming majority of people loved it. I kept getting all these followers. So in my head, I was rationalized. It was like, no, people love it. Okay, cool. Kind of became a bit of a persona that I had. We, my wife and I would live tweet the bachelor and we would take the

piss out of all the contestants or whatever, which is great, which is great. But, but, you know, it sort of just became this thing. And I took it too far, man. And, and, you know, and at the time I didn't realize it. I was really, you know, because there were also like, it was a political stuff happening. And so I felt like the wrong people were after me for the wrong reasons. So I got defensive and all that shit.

And it just made it worse, man. At the end of the day, you know, now I see with perspective, you know, and, and some distance and, you know, just, I'm a fuck my different person. I mean, this was pre kids. This was, you know, I'm sober now. It was like, dude, that was a different fucking time for me. And like, and so now I see it and it's like, I gotta own my shit, man. I made some fucking tweets.

They were in poor taste, you know, now they would never fly. I'd be canceled before I even fucking hit send. You know what I mean? But, but it's like, okay, you know, I did it. I got to move on. But looking back, it's actually kind of like a very funny ending that you, the, the repercussions where you lost your job voicing Leonardo. Yeah.

Yeah. That's funny. That's rock bottom for you. That's very funny to me. Like when I read it, it was like Jason Biggs loses job voicing teenage videos like, wait, this is real. You know, I'll be honest with you. This is very therapeutic for me.

You guys, you guys saying that and just even talking about it. But because for me, it was fucking heavy. Yeah. I mean, it was a real, it was, you know, because I, I'm a nice guy. I mean, I pride myself on being a hard worker and a nice dude. I treat everyone with respect. I feel like my reputation is such that people on sets know me. They know I'm nice.

There's stories about me being a good dude. You know, just like there are certain, you know, that's important. And it's important to me. And this was like a hit. This was like, Oh fuck, man. I don't mean, oh my God, I'm, I'm an asshole. No, I'm not. I fuck, man.

I don't need to be an asshole. Holy shit. And it really fucked me and I got fired and it fucked me up, man. Yeah. And it's taken a long time really, honestly, for me to sort of come around on that, you know, and anyway, so it's good. It's when you put it in perspective like that. But you know, we took over as Leonardo Seth Green.

Oh, that's a good hire. That's actually, that's actually that's right. I read that too. And I was like, God damn it. Seth, listen, that's a, that's a great hire. You have to admit, like, I love Seth. Honestly, I was just with him last weekend at the Super Bowl. He's a great dude.

I love him. I've actually known him since we were kids in New York acting. But he, yeah. So he came in and was like, OK, I'll take it. You know, and I don't blame him. I don't blame him, you know, at the time, I was like, at the time, because I was so messed up by the whole thing. And I was like, what the fuck that?

Why are you taking like, you know, like people should protest. People should not take that job. Be like, no bigs, bigs only should have that job. There was only one Leonardo. One Leonardo, and it's bigs, you know. That's great. So you pride yourself of being a great guy. How come you told Hank to go get you some fucking coffee

right when you walked in the studio? Well, I said, please. Yeah, I know. It's kind of, it's kind of rude to you. You mentioned the Super Bowl. So are you a sports fan? Yeah, of course. Who are your teams? Giants, unfortunately.

OK. Matt's. Cry when Eli retired. No, it's time. It was time. He belongs at Canton. He should, he should get there. 117, 117.

Two Super Bowls. Two Super Bowls, two, dude. And defense kind of won those. Count the rings. I'm just doing that. I actually agree with you. I think for that last drive, David Tyree, that whole drive. I mean, that, by the way, people think about David Tyree

catching that ball. Remember that scramble, getting out of that? I mean, that was that play was dead. I was at that game. I was at that game. I was like, all right, it's over. Yeah, there he goes. There he goes.

Yeah, they would have blown the whistle on that if it happened this year, because he was kind of in the grasp. Maybe. But he might be right. He scrambled out the and then I actually think to pass to Manningham was more impressive. Yeah. The drop in the bucket.

This is, again, very triggering to Hank. I think that. And the Plexico touchdown. I mean, the whole thing, the whole drive was pretty sick. So are you in on Danny Dimes? Danny Dimes. Yes. Oh, that didn't sound like you were in.

You had to repeat his name like, OK. I came around on him. When he was drafted, I literally was like, this is either the stupidest draft pick in history or the smartest. It is. And then he came out with that first huge game, 342 yards, something insane.

Insanely, yeah. And I was like, OK, it's a smart pick. And then he settled into being a rookie quarterback. And frankly, he doesn't have a lot of help. But I like him, man. I think he's a stud. I don't know that I personally would have passed on Hoskins or some of these other guys.

But I think it's going to end up being good for us. So you said that he doesn't have a lot of help. What you might not know is that Saquon Barkley is a big listener of this podcast. So you just kind of trash Saquon. Not Saquon. Jason Biggs is officially trapped. Would you like to apologize to Saquon Barkley?

Which part of Saquon? This is the difference between me, 2020 me, and 2010 me. I'm going to apologize right away. Immediately. Saquon, if you're listening, I'm a massive fan, bro. Yeah, but which part of his game do you think is bad? The receiving or blocking for Daniel Jones? You're such a dick.

I wasn't talking about Saquon. OK, we were talking about his best friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got it, got it. I have two crazy things that you can decide which one you want to talk about. Your wife hired a hooker for your birthday. And then she also accidentally posted

your testicles on Instagram. True, both true. What the hell? Yeah, man. I didn't like, when I was doing research for Jason Biggs, and I found these like, you think you know a guy? Yeah, yeah. Because then you see his balls on the Instagram.

Yeah, man. Did you know my whole ass is tattooed? See, there you go. Seriously? No. OK, fuck. I would have believed it. Yeah, I was about to say, dropped out.

Wait, so your wife hired you a hooker for your birthday? So yeah, it was. That's pretty sweet. It was like, we had been married. Well, we got married at nine months, and it was sort of soon after that. And we were still even, you know, we barely knew each other. But we went to Vegas, and she thought it would be fun.

She was my birthday. She was like, you know what, what can I get? And it ended up being just a comedy of errors. It was just a disaster. American Pie 5. Dude, literally I was like living an American Pie movie. The whole thing was a shit show, just a disaster. My wife was laughing through the whole thing.

Nothing about it made sense. Nothing about it was hot. The whole thing was just ridiculous. So she's had upper hand forever since. Yes and no. I mean, it's not like it wasn't, for me, like, such an amazing experience. Can't believe my wife got it.

It was almost as if she was doing it for the story. Right. Do you know what I mean? And frankly, maybe I was too a little bit, you know? And so it was fun and hilarious. But it wasn't like hot. It wasn't hot at all. And it ended up being a disaster.

We didn't have enough money. I had to run to the ATM and my boxers. The whole fucking thing. Dude, it did. My car got declined. She ended up leaving. She had a nail appointment. We were taking too long.

This is all crazy true. It was just fucking ridiculous. And so she wrote this crazy story in her first book about it. And it's hilarious. And, you know, it got some buzz. And so now, occasionally, people like you guys will ask me about the hooker that my wife hired me. But it was a real just disaster.

Has she any other birthdays? No. No, no, no. That's fucked up. She didn't write it back. That was one and done. No, because you know what? The truth is, it really was about the sort of us

having this kind of adventure together and less about, like, we're that couple. We don't swing. We don't fucking do it. So it's just what it is what it is. Now, my testicles. Your balls. Yeah.

Yeah. So I guess I'm not choosing. I guess I'm doing both. Yeah, do both. OK. That was a trick. That was a trick. You got me.

You got me. By the way, smooth. The first big interview is like, oh, wow. They're letting me go in any direction. No, you're answering both. Yeah. You guys are good. You've done this before.

A couple times. So that one, yeah, I was like, I was on the toilet, I think. And she walked in and took a quick selfie in the mirror. And I was in the background. I had a magazine covering my package or most of it, I thought. And she posted it. And I went on her Instagram and I saw the photo. And I was like, those are my nuts hanging below the magazine.

You could see my fucking balls. I'm looking the picture up right now. Well, now it's, I think it's, she then took it down, reposted it and blurred. Yeah, TMZ got to it and they put a big black square in front of it. Actually, no, you know what? OK, there's one. Big B. A Big B.

There's one, a tiny red star. You know what? She looks good. Yeah, she looks great. In that picture? I can't see, but I'm sure. She's hot, man. She's fucking hot.

She knew what she was doing. Yeah. Oh, she took the photo on purpose, but she didn't know that you could see my balls. Jester, where's, not to get too into the physics of it, but how would you like to see my balls? Not to get too like weird or anything, but can you show me your balls right now?

No, why create it for us? Why isn't your dick showing, but your balls are, I don't, I'm trying to understand. You have an erection. I have an erection. OK, OK. Yeah, my penis is pointed up. It's resting on the magazine.

It's on the magazine. OK, got it. Yeah, yeah, I'm holding my penis up with the magazine. It's a bookmark. It was a really cool article that I needed to save. I was like, go ahead, babe, take your picture, but I'm keeping this page. Oh, I love it.

I'm not going to ask you if you've ever actually fucked a pie, but I will ask you what your typical response to that question when you get asked that question is. Another trick, another trick. No, I'm saying like if you're being interviewed by like, if you were being interviewed by someone else, I'm not going to ask you. No, two losers that don't know how to do an interview properly.

What would you say to them? Right, that's good. Well, I would say to them, not you guys, but I would say to them that, no, never actually fucked a pie. And even that pie was a fake pie. It was like a fake pie crust. And then we put real pie pieces kind of all around my thighs and, you know, all around my junk

to kind of make it look like. My childhood is ruined. Yeah, I'm sorry, dude. I did not actually have my dick in a pie. Damn, sorry. How often do people come up to you on like a given day? I think we say how often do you fuck a pie? Yeah, how often do you do that, but also come up to you

and say, like, hey, Jim, what's up? Yeah, Jim Piefucker, that one happens. Yeah, hey, Piefucker. American Pie is just kind of the state. If it's not Jason or Jason Biggs, the most common thing is, oh, American Pie. You know, that's sort of their boom. That's their connection.

What about Orange is the New Black? So now, but that's interesting, yes. So then once Orange is the New Black hit, a whole different kind of generation of kids that maybe hadn't seen American Pie, but had, but now are streaming kids, you know, are watching Orange is the New Black. And, you know, I would get Larry all, you know,

be like, oh my God, you're in Orange is the Black. Oh my God, Larry. And sometimes they, you know, I would start talking to them and be like, have you seen American Pie? And they were like, no. And they did not actually see American Pie, which is wild to think that there's this other generation of kids that maybe isn't even familiar with that movie.

It'd be nice for continuity's sake if you just fucked a pie in every role. I know. So like, no matter what, it's like. No matter where I go, people would be like Piefucker. You're in Orange is the New Black. It's like, all right, here's the scene where I fuck a pie just so people could call me, continue to call me Piefucker.

Or just like have one cooling in the windowsill in a random scene with a hole in it. You get the internet to start doing your work for you. And we're like, you know what? The character from American Pie grew up and now he is the male lead in Orange is the New Black. Like the internet loves those kinds of conspiracies where we tie movies together.

It's true, it's so true. You just have like a pie in the background and you just like walk past one time rubbing your hands like. Rubbing my hands. That's it. Licking my lips. It went down, it went down. Touching my balls.

I actually think Saving Silverman is a wildly underrated movie. That I get a lot too. Yeah, I love that movie. It's funny as shit. It was very funny. Dude, Jack Black in like his second big role, Steve's on, hilarious, Neil Diamond in only the second,

the only other movie he's done besides the jazz singer. And just ridiculous. I mean, the movie was ridiculous. It was very good. So I don't think you get enough credit for that. Thanks man. I'm here to give you credit for that. I'll take it, happily.

All right, I got one last question. SeekEek question promo code take. You get $10 off SeekEek purchase. So we're with Jason Biggs, outmatched on Fox, debuted January 23rd. It's out every single Thursday night at 8.30. Yup, love that. We're live, right?

No, this is not live. Get very good. No, go ahead. Well, when is it? Cause I was gonna say this week's episode. No, like we haven't even been recording. Oh, cool. This is Jason Biggs wants to come in

and pretend that he's a big star and do an interview. And we're like, we'll do make them with him. We said we'll bench with him, but we're not gonna actually record it. It's acting. I don't know if you've ever heard of it. But you guys are the sweetest to do this for me. Thank you so much.

And it actually really touches me that you would actually do this and pretend to be recording me. Within the next week. Big time podcast. This is my, I'm popping my bar stool cherry by the way. There we go, perfect. So this is very exciting.

All right, so what were you gonna say? Cause it will come out within the next week or two. Yeah. So, well, tonight's episode, Tony Danza is playing my dad, which is, or sorry, this Thursday, Tony Danza is playing my dad. So I don't know if it's already passed. Is he dying the one episode he's in or will he be back? He will hopefully be back.

Okay, so there you go. Yeah, yeah, he will hopefully be back. He fucks a pie. Nice. Yeah, because again. Nice. He's gotta have it. Like father like son.

Like father like son. Like father's actually your mom. Yeah, you learn where I learned it from. It's pretty dope. Now that you mentioned it, you've had your dad played by a lot of really cool actors over the years. It was Eugene Levy, Dan Aykroyd, right?

Dan Aykroyd played my dad. Who else am I missing? Tony Danza. Tony Danza. Does your real dad ever get like, hey, what the fuck? He's like, he's probably very, he's a compliment. He's a fan. Like my dad and I, we watched SCTV.

So like when I told him that Eugene was gonna play my dad, he was fucking, this is dope. Yeah, he thought it was so cool. Still does. Yeah, my dad, but I get a lot on the internet like when I post a photo of my real dad or people freak out. They're like, I thought Eugene Levy was your dad.

This is really, this is, I'm like really sad. This is kind of killing an image for me that I thought you're ruining my child. Damn. All right, well, Jason, thank you so much. I don't care what everyone in Hollywood says. I think you're a fine guy. Thanks, man.

Yeah, yeah. Jason, all those rumors that you're the worst. Not true, right? Not to you guys. Not to you guys. Can't speak to everyone else. No, this has been awesome. Go watch Outmatch on Fox Thursday nights.

Jason Biggs, thank you. Thank you guys. Let's bench. That interview with Jason Biggs was brought to you by ZipRecruiter. Hiring can be very challenging, but there's one place that you can go where hiring is simple, fast, and smart.

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CY ZipRecruiter is effective for businesses of all sizes. Try ZipRecruiter for free at our web address. It's ziprecruiter.com slash PMT. That's ziprecruiter.com slash PMT. And now DK Metcalf and Aaron Donk. And now for something completely different. We now welcome on CLC Hawks wide receiver, DK Metcalf. We, he's here with Nest Quick.

What are we doing with Nest Quick, by the way? Oh man, you know, it's just like a partnership. I call it a marriage. Okay. At the end of the day. It's a good partnership. You got a nice chain on the Nest Quick chain. Yeah, they're taking care of me.

Also should let everyone know that Aaron Donald, so we had DK set up at 11, Aaron Donald 11, 30. The Miami traffic is the worst thing in the world. So not your fault, but there will be a moment where Aaron Donald walks in and we're gonna interview both of you at the same time. And we're probably gonna have to ask who benches more weight because you both are big time body builders.

So, do you know Aaron Donald at all? We just played against each other, that's it. Okay, so we're all gonna get to know each other together on the podcast, this could be a special day. Yes, all right, my first question is, why don't you go by your full name? Because I was looking that up and it's fucking awesome. Can you ask your colleague that?

Yeah, okay, PFC, why doesn't he go by his full name? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Why doesn't he go by his full name? Why don't you go by your full name? Oh! Wait, so do you listen to the show? Do you know where we are? Yeah.

I just smile on and I can never tell. So you do, okay. But DeKalen Zacarias. Yes, sir. I mean, that's badass. Thank you. Sounds like you could be like in the Game of Thrones, maybe taking over one of the seven worlds

or whatever it was, but that's an awesome, awesome name. Yeah, well my teachers can pronounce my name growing up, so. So you guys make it easier now? Yeah, I make it easier for them. Right, DK. I got duckling all the time for some reason. Joe Tessitore can't pronounce your name either.

True. DeKalph MetKalph, I believe is what he called you. We got a coffee deal out of that though. That is good, so he actually did you a favor by messing that up, that's nice, yeah. My first question for you is do you skip leg day? No, I don't. Because you pause for a second.

I feel like I know that you could bench press more than me. You could probably put up like, maybe, 215, something like that, maxed out around there, but I think I could squat more than you. Maybe because you're shorter than me, yeah, but I don't think that's possible. Not possible? No.

How much do you bench right now? Like 355. That's pretty impressive. What, for one rep? Yeah, I could probably do it for one rep. Okay, whatever. Is it true that you bench 50 pounds and squat at 100 pounds when you were five years old?

Yeah. How is that possible? You were just a five-year-old that could bench and squat and just running around? Well, me and my dad, you know. He played me in the NFL? Yeah, yeah, that's what we did. It was Father's Suntime, that was our Father's Suntime.

That's a great Father's Suntime. Weightlifting. That's a good way to bond, but I don't know, do they make weights for five-year-olds? Yeah, they had like a little 10, five and two and a half set. Like a little tiny bar? That must've been really cute, actually. Yeah, I got a couple pictures.

Little deacon. Fuck yes. Did you, when was the first time you had like a six-pack? Like, I was sixth grade, fifth grade, oh my god. So like 10 years old, 11 years old? 11, 11, yeah. 11 years old and you're rocking a six-pack.

That's like when I drank my first six-pack of beer, right, actually. We're not so different. Did you take, when the three cone drill stuff happened, did you, was that hurtful when they were saying Tom Brady's more athletic than DK Metcalf? I didn't care. Yeah?

Do you think there's anything to that stuff? Like, I mean, obviously that was the big knock on you when everyone was saying you were a draft boss and all this stuff, when you see that, is that motivate you or are you just saying they're like, people just don't have any idea how good of an athlete I am? Yeah, I mean, it motivates me, but at the same time, everybody's different.

Right. You know, you can't just judge me by what I did in college or by what I did at the combine, because it's just a smidge of football. And ultimately, being compared to Tom Brady and anything, it's probably a good thing, right? Yeah, he's the goat, so. Yeah, right.

I have an article here from Bleach Report. You probably already read this. It says, all sizzle, no steak. DK Metcalf is the first round bus waiting to happen. That's the exact headline that's on here. It said that you look like you could beat up Batman. That's a weird thing to put in the lead of an article. So I think you probably proved that person wrong,

who wrote that you had a really good rookie year. But do you keep all that stuff in the back of your mind? Yeah, I got, you know, what round I was drafted in and what pick I was, how many receivers went before me and all my weaknesses hung up in my locker. Right there. We have a guest question we want to do. So Brandon, come over here.

No, this is a big one. Why don't you actually sit right there next to DK? It was me when I walked in. Yes, so I figured you had something up your sleeve. He's very uncouth. So Brandon's gonna ask a guest question, Brandon Walker, for those who don't know, so go ahead. So hi, DK.

Hi, what's up? Big fan. You played at Morally Bankrupt Ole Miss in college. Can you speak to the fact, can you make a comment on the fact that you guys had a losing record to our rival Mississippi State? Why are you over there? The games I played in?

You were one and two, yeah, you were one and two. So I don't know if you can tell, but Brandon Walker's from West Point, Mississippi. Ew. You played, you played at Oxford High School. Wait, do you wish you, do you wish you played in a better place like West Point? Bush K-Ox here, we had Aaron Donnells here.

Much more important than Brandon Walker to DK Metcalf. How you doing, Aaron? Welcome. Wait, so DK, what's up, man? How you doing? So DK, continue, answer the question. Aaron, we're gonna do a double interview here. Like, I'm gonna go back to back with your questions.

I never lost to West Point in high school. Put out live. I don't think that's true. Is that so? Yeah, you're gonna come alive. I mean, why are we saying that? West Point is one of 11 state championship, Oxford has never won one and two left.

We got one, yeah. But y'all never beat me, so that speaks volumes. I don't think that's true. Don't call our guests alive. What about the morally bankrupt part? Oh, man, morally bankrupt. I was wanting to know when I played in the games and I dog pissed on them, thanks.

Do you think that that helped lose the 2000? Go ahead, go ahead. So you dog pissed on them. Correct. Do you think you inspired somebody else to dog piss and lose a future game? I inspired a lot of people and, you know, whatever he did, that was on him.

It is crazy to think about how your dog piss that inspired the second dog piss also had such a domino effect on everything that happened in the SEC this off season and coaching changes all the way from Florida to Washington. Your dog piss started that. Do you feel proud about that? I don't think my dog piss started that.

It did, you're a trendsetter. It did. All right, so we have Aaron Donald here as well. Aaron Donald's here with Pizza Hut. We got a Pizza Hut Nesquik combo. So he's here with, DK's here with Nesquik. You're here with Pizza Hut. Aaron Donald, thank you for joining us.

Do you think you can bench more than DK Metcalf? Yeah. Oh! There was a little hesitation in that answer, so I'm going to let it slide. It was a good one. What do you bench? Five.

Found it, bones. What? I could change my answer from earlier. He said 350 before you got here. Oh, that's it? Yeah. That's it? That's it?

Are you serious? Yeah. 500? What's wrong with you? Oh my God. I've been working on it a long time. Damn. Also let you know, I know that you train with knives

in the off-season sometimes. One of us in this room, we have a knife on us, and we're going to attack you with it. I don't play, not real knives, though. We have a real knife. One of us is going to attack you with it at some point during this interview. So just, you know, be on the lookout for that

and try to fit them off. It's a fun game we play. Geez. Might be jumping a nick or something. Yeah. 500 pounds. That's insane. That is insane.

We were talking about before you got here, Aaron, how people were saying DK was going to be a draft bust. Did you have anyone who came out and said something negative about you when you, like, anything you have as a chip on your shoulder? Oh, I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure there was. Yeah. And a lot of people, you know,

considered me undersized for my position. So there was a lot of doubted that I think I was going to have success in the league, but, you know, you just got there, you play ball, so. I actually have one right here. Aaron Donald, have fun trying to be a good at football with a pussy name like Aaron Bust. Who said that?

Me. You said it really? I was going after Aaron. It was a shot at Aaron Rodgers, so a Bears fan, so I hate Aaron Rodgers. And I was, I think that year I said bust for every single player, except the Bears pick, which was Kevin White, which turned out he was the bust.

Yeah, that kind of sucked, now that I'm thinking about that. But yeah, so I'd like to think I motivated you a little bit. Wouldn't you say? I kind of want to get up and get over it. I'm motivating him right now. Who's harder to defend in practice, Blake Portals or Jared Goff? They both good quarterbacks.

Yes, good answer. Good answer. You lay off Blake, right? Like if you're taking a rep against him, you don't put your whole body weight in. I don't touch my gas. Yeah, I don't touch him at all. He's a good friend of ours.

What'd you think when he shaved his head? You thought it was a good look? What'd you think? I thought it was awesome. He's always handsome, but now he's like extra. It fit him good, huh? Yes, he looks, yeah. He's a good player.

Yes, he looks, yes, it definitely fit him good. He was, I mean, we've been busting his balls for a lot of years. Like he wasn't hiding it very well. He was bald. And he's, you know, he would do the quick, take his helmet off, put his hat on in one motion. And it was enough was enough.

It was time for him to, as comment Paul said, go home and shave the whole head. So you guys are rivals, right? Those games are pretty intense. When you're out on the field, like, you know, now that the Seahawks, I guess the Seahawks kind of had a resurgent year, and the Rams going off the Super Bowl,

are those games when you're playing the Seahawks, you're playing the Niners, the Cardinals, are those games feel more intense, even though there's not like that old school Raven Steelers rivalry or? Yeah, I think for sure. You know, you, you playing the team twice a year, you, you know, you know each other,

you see each other a lot, you know, you're gonna definitely, you know, it's competitive sport, you know, definitely in a division. So we'll be bumping his, I heard him out there talking a couple of DB's out there, we played them. So. You talk shit? No, I don't know.

Yeah, you do. Yeah, you do. Okay. You know, they got Jalen Ramsey on their team, so, you know. Oh, he talks shit first. Who was y'all saying, though? I can't say it on air. Same.

Come on. These cameras are off right now. Yeah. What's on off? We're not recording this. Right, I'm not stupid. Come on. I know what they was talking about, man.

Yeah. They was talking about pizza. Yeah. Oh yeah. They're like, DK, you don't even, you don't even like pizza. And you were like, I do love pizza. And I love it. Do we have some Nesquik?

Do we have Nesquik? Yeah, we got that, too. Yeah, get us some Nesquik. That's my favorite pizza right there. Oh yeah. So pepperoni, sausage, banana peppers, no sauce. No sauce. What's your problem?

Just eat it and see, you just see what I'm talking about. I'm gonna take a bite. One bite. One bite. Two bites. You get a bite, too. All right, he'll have a bite as well. Can I give it a score?

Okay, it's okay. That's one bite. Yeah. You gotta really absorb it. Now, give me some Nesquik. Give me some Nesquik. Oh, you like it. Oh.

I got it. I got it. I got it. Not bad. Everyone's passed me something at the same time. It's not bad. It's good. I've never had pizza without sauce.

Oh, it's very good. Pizza hut, wings. Sunday, that's what you're gonna need. That's what you need to get two for a week. This is like the Wayne's World commercial when we're selling out. And every ad is like, and now I'm gonna wash it down

with the beautiful Nesquik. Of course, yeah. That Nesquik is delicious. Wow. Now we're all just eating pizza. This podcast just turned into lunch. It's a pizza party. Yeah, ready for a soup bowl.

Do you think that you're too small to be good in the NFL? No, I think I'm the right size, the perfect size. Mm-hmm. I think I'm the perfect size. Perfect size? Yeah.

You don't want to be too big, you know? Are there games where you're dominating when it's like, I can do whatever I want? Like, I was actually looking back because that, I think it was against Georgia Tech in college. You know, 11 tackles, six tackles for a loss. Were you, during that game,

like, this is the easiest thing ever? Well, they cut block every time, so it's pretty much, they cut, you just walk around them and they're in the backfield. So, that was, you know. But just games you're being mowed, you feel good and you got that confidence and I swear to you, you feel like,

you know, you can't be stopped. Right. They say that definitely when I get out trying to block you 101, you feel, you know, you feel kind of confident. Can anyone beat you 101? I'm never gonna say somebody can beat me 101. Okay.

What about you, DK? No. 101, no safety help. No one can stop you? No. Am I even Jalen Ramsey? No. Ooh.

Really? All right. Get the rivalry going. Yeah, FaceTime will do it. I keep to leave? No. No one? No one?

Not even you. What about the honey badger? No. He's a safety. Yeah, but I mean, he's quick. I have nothing to do with this. He's getting coverage. Yeah.

I have nothing to do with. Whose coach is better looking? That's actually, Pete Carroll's like, Pete Carroll versus Sean McVeigh. I think it's closer than people think. My coach, your coach will run for his money any day. Yeah. Sean McVeigh, some people say that maybe he's

a little bit of a pretty boy sometimes. And that's what we say, actually. The beard is too sculpted. You know what I'm talking about? He lines the beard up. I'm telling you. He's jealous right now. No, I'm not cheating.

He's told us. Hey, no coach, man. I've told him that to his face before and he knows. Hey, what did he say to you? He's like, why you guys gotta go after my beard all the time? He's too pretty.

Yeah. See, I like him. He's handsome. Yeah, no, he is. He's very handsome, but I kind of like the, you know, school Pete Carroll. He looks like he's sitting there like doing a fidelity commercial with the gray hair.

Oh, he's got the gum going. Oh, what kind of bubble gum does he chew? The regular yellow and blue pack. I don't know. Juicy fruit? Double bubble. No, double bubble. Individually wrap.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you met Pete Carroll's twin? No. He ain't got no twin. Yeah, he does. You ain't got a twin? I like how Aaron even knows that he doesn't have a twin. No, he has a twin.

No, he ain't got no twin. Yeah, no, he has a twin. I know he has a twin. I'm pretty sure he has a twin. He has a brother that looks exactly like him. Have you met him? That's what our brothers. Yeah, I know.

But like so much so you're like, are they twins? I got a brother who just liked me too. Are you a twin? Uh-uh, he's three years older than me. They people think you're a twin. Is he in the NFL? That kind of sucks for him. I always wonder that.

Like if your brother's in the NFL and like a future Hall of Fame and you're just like, yeah, so it didn't really work out the same for me. Are you a West Pizza? I think we're making friends. Oh, you want another slice? I think we're making friends here. Thank you for the camera, though.

I talked earlier about how you trained with fake knives in the off season. Actually, I thought initially I gave you a lot of credit for that and then I found out that the knives were fake. Everybody thought they was real. I thought that was a beta move to train with fake knives. Like, why aren't you training with a real knife like an alpha? Because if I get stabbed, I ain't gonna be here right now.

I'm doing this interview with a piece of it, so. Then don't get stabbed. It's pretty simple. When things happen. Your hands are fast enough. Yeah, but I ain't gonna take that risk. Did you get fake stabbed ever during? Okay, so then.

You see the video, I actually got stabbed in my head and everybody thought the knife was real. Okay, so now I agree with you. It's probably a smart move that you was very smart. Sometimes you might, you boom, boom, boom, boom, then. Right. Did that actually, like, help you with your hands? Was that a good training?

You use the knives because it's just a natural reaction. When you see something coming your way, just a natural, you're gonna move a little faster, obviously. So I'm just doing something different outside of the box. So, you know, it worked for me. Did Wade Phillips ever teach you how to sack somebody and not land on them with your body? Because that feels like, it feels like the hardest thing

in the world to do, to hit a quarterback and then in midair, move to the side while you're falling to the ground. It is, but it's not, you know, because you obviously can control what you do with your body, you know? Oh, so it's just a natural thing to do is just, you know, don't put your weight down.

You can get flared to get fat and you don't lose no money and you don't wanna hurt your team, so. ZK is looking at me like he's not sure. I can't see your eyes, so it's good. Yeah. I think it's good. We're looking at him. Uh-huh.

Look, I'll give you a little peek right there at the baby blues. Oh. You're welcome. Was it weird when Pete Carroll took his shirt off with you in the Combine interview? Yeah. Can you explain that story?

Like, how'd it go down? They had a scout that was like my group leader and he was like, when you come to our meeting, take your shirt off. I was like, no, I can't do that, bro. And then he was like, yeah, do it, do it. He's gonna be fired up about it. So I was like, all right, I'll do it.

And I walked in and wore my shirt off and he took his shirt off. We're two shirtless men. Just hanging out. Yeah, and it was just a little weird at first. And then he was like, all right, that's what I mean. That's what you do, right? You're hanging out with a homie.

You wanna take your shirt off right now? Let's all take our shirts off. I'll take my shirt off. Nah, I don't want to. You don't wanna see this? Too much man. Too much man. I'll get started with it.

There we go. You always gotta have one guy to start supporting you. My nipples, by the way, are very large. Don't look. You looked right at my chest there, DK. I feel you. I've got 40 moves. Take your shirts off.

There you go. Y'all are 35. Chill out. Put your shirt on. Okay, that was comfortable. All right, you know what? That's actually a good point. The way you said that.

I'm 35 today. Aaron, it's my birthday. That hurt a lot more. Did you wanna say anything about that? It's your birthday? Yeah. It was my birthday, man. I brought you some pieces.

Oh, thanks, Aaron. That's awesome. Okay, so wait. You order no sauce every single time? Every single time. Is that a dietary thing? No, I'm just something that I like. I'm not just a, you know, that's just what I like, you know?

That's just what I like, and that's the way I like my pieces. That's a weird move, man. That's a weird move. But I like it. So wait, can Pizza Hut, can you call up and be like, can I have the Aaron Donald? Yeah.

I don't know if that's true. You can? Yeah. You gotta get that done. Yeah. I'll work on that. We're gonna name Mr. Aaron Donald. How much of the deal now do we get

for having that idea? Because clearly someone didn't think of that. We'll talk about it. Whatever you want. Well, we'll take 10%. 15%. 10 pizzas. 10 pizzas?

Yeah. I'll give you 10 pizzas. We'll take. We'll take. I got you. So y'all gonna be set for Sunday? Yeah. Yep.

DK, how motivated are you when somebody tweets at you and says like, hey, I have you on my fancy team and you ruined my week last week? That's gotta be really motivating, right? No, I mean. It's gonna be like, okay, I gotta go out and win this game for John 3, 7, 4, 5 with the egg appetite.

Right, right. I mean, I don't care who's fantasy team or not. So it really doesn't matter to me. But we pay your salary as fans. I'm sorry, what? Fans, we pay your salary. Negative. Yeah, like if you guys were playing

in the middle of a parking lot and no one was watching, you wouldn't have a salary. So it's kind of, it's our league. It's our league. I am an owner of the Green Bay Packers. I mean, I believe that. Yeah, you pay 50 bucks and they give you a stock certificate. Yeah.

And a cheese hat. So, yeah, I'm kind of your boss in a way. Yeah. So what y'all gonna do about next season? We're gonna lose again. Yeah. Aaron Rodgers is over the hill. Do you have any comment about that?

Aaron Rodgers, what? He's over the hill. He's not good anymore. I don't know. Aaron Rodgers is good. Oh, you guys got screwed on that spot. No comment. Yeah.

All right, my last question. Seat Geek question. We'll just do all the ads together. So we're here with Pizza Hut and Esquik and Seat Geek promo code take. You put it in, get $10 off. What's in those bags, DK? Happy birthday.

Oh, really? Can we have it, President? I gotta see what's going on. All right. So. All right. Big me out. Big me out.

I'm guessing it might be Nesquik. Okay, sweet. Is it a bottle? Thank you. Oh my God, how did you know that I wanted a bottle of Nesquik? Oh, there's more in there. All right, Aaron, did you guess anything for a birthday?

More pizza. More pizza. All right. Extra no salt. I already had three slices. I got another slice, man, come on. Okay, hang on, hang on. I gotta open my mouth.

Congrats. You don't usually get a birthday card that says congrats. Get a face. You made it to 35, man, congrats. Congrats for being alive. Yeah, we didn't die yet. Happy birthday, big cat from the Muscle Man DK. And there's $500 cash in there.

Did you get cash? I got, it says happy birthday, PFT. Your ass is getting old. DK, Mr. Straw, Mr. Strawberry Milk. Is that what they call you? Huh? This is Mr. Strawberry Milk. I mean, yeah, we did this thing.

We gotta work on your nickname. Yes. We need to work on your nickname. Well, no, I'm Mr. 35 yards. I don't know, you probably heard about my trial with the XFL, but I'm pretty solid from 35 yards in. I got you for my birthday, I got you guys a football. Just to make you guys feel comfortable.

Can't take it with you. All right, well, Aaron, DK, thank you so much. Appreciate your time. And go buy some nesquik and go buy some pizza hut. That's it. You guys want a clap? Thank you. Thank you.

That was great. Thank you guys. This is actually not bad with no sauce. No, it was skeptical. That interview, or whatever you want to call it, with DK Metcalf and Aaron Donald was brought to you by Lucy Nicotine Gum. If you're looking for a boost to nicotine

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Liam, Bubba, you ready to go? Yep. You got Bachelor Talk and then Guys on Chicks. Bachelor Talk. It was the Hometowns episode. Oh. Pete tells Hannah Ann's dad that he wants to tell Hannah Ann

that he's falling in love with her. Hannah Ann's dad, Rick, tells him not to because he needs to mean it and he's still dating other women. Pete tells Hannah Ann that he's falling in love with her anyways. Damn. You really put a lot of enthusiasm into that, Liam.

I can't believe that Pete would go against what Hannah Ann's dad told him what to do about talking to Hannah Ann. It said Hannah Ann like eight times in three sentences. I think Hannah Ann's dad just watches the Bachelor and he's like, this guy, Pete's a loser. Please don't tell my daughter that you love her. Yeah.

Wasn't Bruce Pearl in it somewhere? I don't know. Everyone tweeted like, oh my God, there's Bruce Pearl. All right. Pete goes on his hometown date with Kelsey to Des Moines, Iowa. Just gloss over that, yeah. Where Pete tries to grab crab brain goons

for the first time in his life. Turns out he likes them. Wait, in Des Moines, Iowa? Yeah. He got crab brain goons for the first time in his life in Des Moines, Iowa. It's a specialty. What is it by the way?

Hold on. No, here's the thing. Des Moines, Iowa probably has decent crab brain goons because crab brain goons are never made with fresh crab to begin with. Des Moines, Iowa is probably like when you think of Seattle, Washington as being the king crab center of the King's Salmon, Sockeye Salmon Center

of the entire food world. Des Moines, Iowa is the center of processed synthetic crab. What is it with the bachelor and like, I feel like half of the bachelor slash bachelorettes are always from like Iowa or Nebraska. What is that? It's the heartland.

I mean, it's just seems bad for a reason. It's the number one product they threw out there besides soybeans is bachelor and bachelorette, what? Tight ends and tight ends. That's true. Shout out, Greg. All right, what else? Do you want to get to the Bruce Pearl part or?

There's no Bruce Pearl note on here. Really? I think it's made up that Bruce Pearl. I don't know. You had a dream that Bruce Pearl was one of the best. You just had like a crossover on your timeline. Dude, so many people were tweeting about Bruce Pearl and I'm always got Bruce Pearl alerts on

because I want to know how sweaty he is and everyone just said he was on so I assumed he was sweaty. Okay. Last note, P-Tex approaches him while on his hometown date in Virginia Beach with Victoria F and warns Peter about her. The rumors are that Victoria F is a home record who has broken up multiple relationships.

Oh. Wow, so she fucks. Vicky. Oh no. Vicky. That's Vicky. I don't know why people don't have nicknames on this. Like it's always like first name, last initial. Well, except Hannah Ann.

We can give them nicknames. Hannah Ann, but she sounds like the cabbage patch doll. Vicky. Vicky's just, the name Vicky just screams trouble to me. Yes. I've never met a Vicky in real life that I've been like, that's a girl that you can settle down with. Vicky's have sass.

That's just a fact. You see a Vicky, they will sass you to death. Vicky's got big hair, bold colored fingernails where it's too much jewelry and perfume but she also knows how to party which is why you want to hang out with Vicky but you don't want to stick around if you know what I'm saying. Yeah.

All right, let's finish up with guys on chicks. Sup boys. My boyfriend and I are seniors in college and over the past three years he has lived with four of his best guy friends after having to use napkins as toilet paper and flush them down the toilet so it doesn't clog. I've realized that over the years

him and his friends do things that normal people wouldn't do and they don't think twice about. Is there hope that he will want to live in normal living conditions after college or will he never grow out of his college habits? Love you guys. Okay, yes, yes. There's tons of hope because everyone gets out of college

and stops living like their worst possible existence because you realize when you're like 19 and 20 living in absolute squalor and wiping your ass with napkins and like coffee liners and weird shit and eating terrible things and sharing your shitty house and apartment with six of your dudes sucks when you're like 25. So don't worry, he's got to wait it out.

Just wait it out. Yeah, I think they say that the fastest way to a man's heart is through his mouth sometimes. If you can learn to cook his favorite food or whatever. As an old school saying, I think that's way out of date. The fastest way is his butthole. If you can slowly convince him and show him that there are better things to do than wipe your butt

with ketchup packets, eventually he'll get addicted to that actual real life sensation of using toilet paper with aloe on it. And then after a couple years of being acclimated to that, once he runs out of toilet paper, he's not gonna go to that drawer where he keep the salt and pepper left over from Chinese food orders.

He's going to go to the store and actually buy the product as it was intended for and stock up on toilet paper. So you'll gradually turn him into a real man by just showing him there's a better way. Also, there's like a one in five chance that everything we just said is not gonna happen because everyone has that one friend that just doesn't actually stop living the college life

until they're like 40. So just hope it's not him. That's statistics by the way. That's actually statistically true. One in five guys cannot leave college when they leave college. So pray that that is not what your boyfriend is afflicted with and that you guys will age gracefully.

Hey, Mr. Commenter and Husky Cat. All my boyfriend wants to do is have sex since football is over. The XFL isn't cutting it for him. What are some alternatives to sex? Ooh. Um, there's... Mouth, there's butt stuff?

Call of duty? Just keeping him too drunk to fuck all the time? Yeah. Putting him in a medically induced coma. Just not having sex? Yeah. That's a tough one. Telling him that you're always on your period?

Yeah, yeah. Buy him Call of Duty and then just get on your period perpetually. That's good advice. Yeah. Hey, honk cat. My boyfriend is a chronic manscaper. I've walked in on him more than once

in the last year squatting over a mirror, trimming his taint with scissors. Should I be proud knowing he takes care of himself or mortified that he's a psychopath? Thanks. I think this is one of those situations where everyone should take care of themselves down there, but there's a very, very thin line

between manscaping and just like making yourself a male porn star. And you don't want to be the male porn star where you're like completely bald down there and everything is... You just don't want to be a male porn star because I feel like he's teetering on that line and next thing you know,

you're just dating Johnny Sin or whatever his name is. Yeah. Going full bald is not... That's not boyfriend material right there. No, no. It's just a weird scene. I think just tell him that you like the way that it looks in a certain way.

And then if a guy hears that one time, then that's just his hairstyle for life. Forever, forever. All right, that's it. Oh, we need to get a last one before that last one. I can give you one more. No, no, no. I've got a gift for that.

No, that was cool. Yeah, do a gift. Yeah, go ahead. Let's end with a gift. No, no more gifts. My gift right now is just me making the heart sign with my hands and saying, I love you guys. Oh, nice, nice.

The guy with his heart that actually beats out of his chest and everyone's like, holy shit, that guy's gonna die. No, it's the wolf at the table whose eyes are popping out of his head and then his heart is pounding. That's what I'm doing right now to all you guys. I love you guys. I'm talking away, I don't know what to say, I'm saying it anyway.

Today's our day to find you, shine away. I'll be coming for your love, okay? Shine away. I'll be coming for your love, okay? Take on me, take on me, take on me, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh To be safe instead of me. Take on me, take on me, take on me, take on me Take on me, take on me, take on me

Having the same age in life Just wait over these ways You all think I've got to remember I'll be coming for you in my life Take on me, take on me, take on me, take on me You all think I've got to remember