Pardon My Take - Jay Pharaoh, Hard Knocks Is A Bummer, And Billy Has A Secret Only Fans

Episode Date: August 26, 2020

Hard Knocks is a bummer and we figured out why. NBA playoffs and the Blazers are officially dead (2:18- 17:26). Playoff hockey and Joe Judge is still working to be football guy of the year (17:26 - 19:57). Hot Seat/Cool Throne including Chris Webber being absolutely terrible at announcing and Lucas Giolito's no hitter (19:57 - 39:41). Comedian Jay Pharoah joins the show to talk about his new movies, his career at SNL, being the impression guy, the time ScarJo ruined Mayweather/Pacquiao and more (39:41 - 75:26). Segments include Talking Soccer, Billys list, Guys on Chicks and we remember how much of a legend Shoenice is.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, add free on Amazon Music. On today's pardon my take, we have comedian Jay Farrow. Awesome interview with Jay Farrow. We gotta do a couple impressions. He actually just kind of did them.

We didn't really make him. Yeah, it was in the flow of conversation. But really cool conversation about his career, SNL, other things. We have hard knocks. We have playoff basketball, hot seat, cool throne, guys on chicks. It is a Wednesday show.

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Go download it right now, use code BARSTULE. You get $10 for free, $10 to ASPCA. Today is Wednesday, August 26th, and Hard Knocks is a bummer. Duh, they can't even give me a goddamn time lapse of a stadium being built. It's not that hard. Set up a camera, walk away.

It's not that hard. I'm dumb. I wanna see a time lapse. I have a theory. So the first episode was obviously all coronavirus, and that was a bummer in its own right. And then I thought, you know what? Episodes two and three, they're gonna get better.

We're gonna be like getting our juices flowing. Football, it feels back. Here's my theory. Hard Knocks needs the pre-season, because you watch Hard Knocks on Tuesday nights, and then you watch the actual games happen, and you see what's happening on the field. You're like, oh, there's that cornerback

that we keep hearing about who's trying to make the team. He had an interception, whatever it may be. And then it's this mind fucked. It's almost like when you look up at a Jumbotron and you see yourself and you can't understand how you're looking at yourself on the Jumbotron, but then the camera's looking at your face. The time warp of watching something filmed in real time,

we've lost that element. So now we're just watching like, oh, let's just check in with this training camp. Yeah, when you see a guy on a field in a pre-season game, first of all, it's on TV. You're like, hey, look at that guy. So it's at 30 frames per second, right? When we're watching Hard Knocks, that's on film.

It's a little bit slower. What's that, 24 frames per second? 60, 420. Probably 240. The point is, it looks a little different. They should just play some of the clips of the scrimmages in that TV format. So it looks like I'm seeing them in a different times

or a different parameter. But I know what you're saying. It's like a blend of reality and then a show that you've already watched. It's like, I know that guy. I saw that. That's the guy from the movie. Oh, that guy got injured.

That guy's out there. Okay, yeah, I watched that real life. Like it's just, our brains can't understand something that's being taped currently and then played for us. But now that it's not, we don't get to see the other side, it kind of ruins everything.

Well, it's that. There's also moments in scrimmages and in pre-season games where you watch it on TV and you're like, I can't wait to see that again on Hard Knocks from the other angles when I show that. How are they going to talk about this loss that I bet on?

It was Sunday Night Football. They played the Rams played and I stupidly bet on the game. And I want to now watch and see if McVeigh actually gets as angry as I am. Well, the field is fast. Jared Goff said that several times. Dude, I'm going to bet so many overs.

The field looks so fast. That field looks awesome. That green just screams points to me. That green means go, baby. Here's my question. Do you think, when will stadiums, like what's the peak of new stadiums? We have to get there some point.

I think we reached in the Roman times. No, but like this new stadium, every new stadium is like cooler than the next. I guess the Rangers kind of ruined that, the Texas Rangers, but like this stadium is insane. They look like a hotel in there, the video board,

like are we going to run out of stadium innovation? I don't know. It's just a question I pondered. What we should do is there should be a turf that is the exact same color green as a green screen so that you can watch it back and then you can edit whatever type. You can make it into a snow game maybe

if you're watching it on repeat. By the way, speaking of stadiums, if anyone out there is like me who loves to look at empty stadiums, empty stadium porn, we are in the perfect spot for all the stadiums in Brazil that the World Cup was played in.

They're starting to fall apart and it's fucking sick to look at. Right, in China right now, it's just dust. It might as well be the ancient periods, pyramids from what, 2008? Look it up, it's sick. Yeah, it's getting good.

They're getting overgrown with vines and stuff. Holy shit, there was a World Cup game here four years ago. How's this possible? They look like the Astrodome. But yeah, you're right, like four years ago, they were the most happening place on Earth. Might have been eight, I don't know.

Eight years ago. I can't keep track of time. Who was the World Cup last four years ago? Four years ago, it was in- France won. The United States was as far away from the United States players as possible. That was when I was going to drive too.

Oh yeah, there was- That was like 2014, I feel like. No, we had a World Cup two years ago. France won two years ago, Mbappe. Where did they win? Was it Germany? So the other one was in six years ago. It was Russia.

It was in Russia, right? You had Bob Lee. Russia. Yeah. And then, so six years ago. So yeah, we're a prime, prime World Cup. God damn it, time just escapes us. All right, other notes from Hard Knocks.

The toothpick guy. The toothpick guy, cool. I've been thinking about, have you ever been a toothpick guy? Yes, I've tried. Being a toothpick guy, that guy's got all the answers. Dude, raise your remote.

There's something going on with the toothpick. That's actually, literally, who's the bad guy? So the guy that plays defensive back on the Rams, I still don't remember his name, but I know that there's an undrafted free agent who's a toothpick guy. He stands out a little bit, just like that for his coaches.

They're like, oh, who's that guy? Oh, he's the toothpick guy. Yes. We had Melvin Ingram with the rare sitting in, not sitting out, sitting in. Holding in. Holding in, yeah. I feel like, I mean,

it seemed like everyone loves him, but I don't know. It feels like you're kind of playing your hand a little bit. What do you mean? Like, if you are holding in, and they're just gonna one day, they're just gonna put his pads

and his helmet on his locker, and be like, why don't you slip that on? Yeah, just play. He's like, yeah, you know what? I'm just gonna put it on for right now. And then all of a sudden he's gonna be playing. They're banking on him just being close enough to the field and seeing a guy playing better than him,

that he'll just be like, you know what? I'm in next. But he was very involved. He did get his contract done. Well, they gave him guaranteed money. They reworked it. So now he is practicing and playing. So maybe it worked.

Yeah, holding in. I guess it worked. When you sit, thinking the whole time when he was going through drills and stuff, it's like, they're just gonna trick him and put a helmet on him, and he's gonna be playing.

If you just call his number, then he'll just go in by, yeah, by football guy instinct. I also liked, well, we have our first guy in Hard Knocks that the camera's falling in love with, that they hope that you fall in love with at home, who's probably gonna get cut. Clay Johnson.

Yes, Clay Johnson. His dad was Brett Favre's best man. Papa Brett. Anytime Papa Favre pops on a Zoom with you, you gotta make sure that he knows that the camera's on first, if you know what I'm talking about. I think that Brett Favre is officially retired.

Now, seeing him, he is old. There's no dog. Officially, officially, like the Wrangler's jeans ads that they, that they probably taped seven years ago that they keep running the, what's it called? The copper wire, all that copper fit, all those old ads that made him look like

he's still young. This was the first time I saw him and I was like, and he even said it. He's like, I think Clay Johnson was like, you look like a million bucks. He's like, I feel like five is like, yeah, dude, you actually look like five. Yeah, it is the first time that we've seen him

without a golden retriever next to him, or without him like throwing a pass to a 17 year old. Right. And his arms weren't busting out and he just had gray hair. So I'm gonna call it Edwardor. You can leave Mississippi. It's over.

Brett Favre has retired. Does Bust Cook have any more clients or is it just Brett Favre? I know he was Jay's agent. I think he's got a bunch. Yeah, it's gotta break old Bust's heart. Finally not getting any more calls for him. Tarad Taylor, the Cuck God,

they brought that up how he got cucked by Josh Allen, then got cucked by Baker Mayfield, and now he's about to get cucked a third time. By Justin Herbert. By Justin Herbert. It's hot in the streets now though, cucking. Yeah, it is. By the way, I'm staying up for cuck rights.

Enough cuck shaming, okay? It happens. People get cucked. Whether it's your pool boy, Justin Herbert looks like a pool boy, or a soul cycle instructor. These things happen in real life, okay? So back off.

Yeah, we're not bringing that up for any reason. Just back off. Just back off. I think that there's been an overload of cuck shaming going on recently. Yeah, just back off, guys. Shit happens. It's not a big deal.

What, Billy? And don't cuck or shame. Yeah, right. If you're the one who's fucking, yeah, right. Don't shame. Right, right. It takes two to tango. Three.

Well, Billy's not breaking up a family. No, he fucked him up over the weekend. And a frog. All right, Hank, no, he didn't. All I was going to say, I think I just kind of realized this. Billy's totally going to tell me to cut that later. We're not going to. I think part of the reason is obviously the COVID stuff,

but I think the fact that there's so many NBA and NHL playoffs, like my dumb brain thinks it's April half the time, because I think that lens part of it's still not, even though it is preseason, it's August, it's like gearing up for football. The fact that there's all these other sports on, doesn't quite feel like it's preseason football. It's a great point.

It is something that the NFL would do to another sports organization, though, have their games bleed into a season that's not typically theirs just to dominate the spring. But it is true. By late August, usually, either your baseball teams in or out, you kind of have a feeling about that. And then it's like, all right, it's football coming up. Wait a second.

Have we just been had for the last 10 years? Has Hard Knocks always been like this? No, I think the jumbotron thing I was talking about, where you watch it happen in real life, you're like, oh, shit, dude, how did they get that in there so quickly? That is cool, but Hank brings up a good point. It's Hard Knocks is a lot better when you don't have any real sports to compare it to.

Yes. All right, so we do have real sports. Let's talk about it. The Jazz and Nuggets, let's give some shine. People were upset that we taped before the end of the game on Sunday night. I have to admit, fully, I think the Jazz and the Nuggets are the exact same team.

I agree. Thank you for saying that. They're from the same area, both altitude, kind of similar colors. Like I just, if you tell me Jazz, Nuggets, Nuggets, Jazz, I'm just like, yeah, those are all the same guys. Like if you just list the names, I'm like, you could tell me down in the initials on the Nuggets.

I'm like, sure, I don't, you know, they just blend together. And neither of them are winning the championship. Yes, correct, let's be honest. The jerseys are very similar too. You're right, they are. If the Jazz brought back the old school, like John Stockton uniforms that had the like icy mountains in them and shit, that'll be cool.

I could differentiate between those teams. They have, they did. But right now. Yeah, they did. They actually did, yeah. Tonight? No, no, a couple weeks ago. Yeah, so they should bring them back for the playoffs

because right now, Big Cat's right. It's like, yeah, they, each team has like a couple of talented big guys, one good guard. And that's about it. Don Nelson and George Carl might as well be coaching these teams. The only difference, the only way that you can tell the difference between the two teams is the Jazz fans

want to fight every player and the Nuggets fans are kind of chill because it's Denver and they're probably high. They're really stoned. That's really it. So when you don't have fans, it really blurs the lines. But the game was good. The Nuggets obviously survived.

Jokic, did you see his first quarter? 21 points, eight for eight, five for five from three. That's how you set the tone. And then Jamal Murray's 360 layup was fucking sick. He had 42 points. I think he's gone back to back 40 points, zero turnovers. Hot take. I like 360 layups, but in 360 donks.

Dude, it was sick. It was so sick. So that actually is now kind of a series. And it has been a good series. The Jazz have been just like shooting the shit out of the ball. And I guess the Nuggets, I mean, good. I almost did the things for coming out Nuggets to eat.

I wish I had because then they came back and they looked like they were dead in the water. We have, so do we want to talk about the end of the Blazers? The reemergence of playoff P? No, let's talk about the end of the Blazers. Okay. It's over. Yeah.

Well, because Dane Little. Dane Little got hurt. He's out. He's got the Lakers. Shitting down their throat. This is a series that all ranged on Dane Lillard's health. Yes, correct. A fully healthy Blazers, I think,

beats this Lakers team in three. I often find myself in this spot where I have a take and I'm the only one who has anything at risk because everyone else can just be like, it was just a joke. When do you have a risk with your Lakers? Well, I did actually bet the Lakers to win the series. And also I said that the Lakers,

there's no chance to lose this series. And everyone gave me shit after game one. I just like the Blazers. And I think that Dane Lillard is great. Blazers in five. It's too bad that we can't see both these teams at full health. The Lakers are so much better than the Blazers.

I'm sorry, Blazers Arrangement Syndrome. It was a fun story. It was a nice story. But holy shit, the Lakers kicked the fuck out of them in game four. That was, I mean, that was an ass kick. Yeah, well, it was Kobe night. It was Kobe night and with the knee.

Well, Dane did play in that game. Yeah, but he got hurt in the game. Right, after the Hockey Town, I don't know. That's right. Did he get hurt in the first quarter when they were down 15-nothing? There may have been a pre-existing injury. Got it.

In fact, I think his other knee was injured and that's what made the other knee get even more injured over compensation. Look it up. So how do you feel about your Blazers in five prediction? I think we'll see. I think history is gonna be the final judge of that take. At very worst case scenario,

it's better than Charles Barkley's Blazers in four prediction. True, good point. So I'm more of an expert than the experts. Chuck doing the sweep after game one. Listen, I'm not gonna be petty, but I will absolutely be petty. I have some retweets I have to do after everyone tweeted me after game one

and said that I was an idiot and the Blazers are better than the Lakers. I'm just glad we got that one in. You know, we won the most important game. Yes. When everybody was fresh. Game one. Yeah.

So yes, the Clippers are flexing their muscles right now in the Mavs. This is kind of the disappointing thing about like, when you have that underdog and they have an incredible performance and Luca was so fucking good on Sunday. And you're like, oh, could the Mavs do it? And then the Clippers are like,

nah, we're way, way better. We just need to focus a little bit. And no poor thing. And Playoff P is back. Yeah, Playoff P is back big time. What does he have like 29 points right now? That was the easiest bet of all time. This is just-

It was taking these Clippers. Like after all the slander, going at Playoff P, which is well deserved. Don't get me wrong. He figured out, he said he just needed to make more shots. Yes, he took, yeah, he made bad shots. 10 for 16 tonight. He didn't make his shots last time.

He said that after the game, he corrected himself, saying if I make more shots, I have a better game. In fact, sometimes it's not simple. Playoff P is back. I just want it to be, I want this series to go seven. So far, I think this is my favorite series of the playoffs. If this goes seven, then how are they doing the rest in between?

I think they're playing pretty quickly. Because you know, Hockey's just advancing to the next round. Yeah, I think they're going like two or three. I mean, the Celtics and Raptors played Thursday night and that ended what, Sunday? You know what's funny? The Bucks and the Magic still are going on. That's weird.

Because like the Magic won game one and then the Bucks have just killed them the last three games. So that's kind of a weird, hey, remember, that series is still going. Did you see Mike Greenberg's actual dumb rule today? No. I can't hit on too much because it's not that bad. But he thinks that every team in the lottery

should have the exact same chance of winning the lottery. And he also thinks that if you lose in the first round, you go into the lottery also. And also they're getting rid of the lottery machine. What? And they should bring back the envelope. That's actually not a crazy, crazy idea. That's actually been talked about because it would basically

take away tanking. It's the anti-tank rule. Because if you just get in the lottery, you just are in the lottery. If you're in the playoffs, you shouldn't get a chance at the lottery. Like. Yeah.

No, I agree with that. But I'm not. I don't think that's that crazy to say like. No. If you, if you're, if you don't make the playoffs, everyone has the same odds so that no one can tank. Yeah. I don't, I don't hate that at all.

I mean, it would suck if your team really sucks and can never get good again. But I guess that kind of happens all the time in sports. Let's see. Anything else? Hockey, hockey, Hank. We got a hockey, Hank update. Bruins lost in overtime.

Got to, got to get the puck out of the zone. Pulse check. Yeah. Yeah. And there's the guy from the blues. Yeah. What big rig. I also think I'm starting to think I'm just going to circle

one Islanders team of destiny. I'm going to circle it. Why you say that? I don't know. Just feeling it. Barry Trots. Yeah. And I just, I just, I don't know.

Just going to circle it. Just going to circle it. Frank Burrell is going to be very upset that I said that. But I'm going to circle it. We have also more football guy news from Joe Judge today. Oh, really? Joe Judge is a football gift that just won't stop giving. He did two different things today.

One, he said that he wants to take Daniel Jones' red jersey off to just pop his pads a little bit. Just getting hit, let him know that he's playing football. I like that. That would be, it would be an all time bell check disciple move if he did that. And then Daniel Jones like had an AC joint injury. Yes.

I did see that Joe Judge has a support from Bill Parcells. So mission accomplished there. Yep. Like you did a good job of getting the old school football coach that's angry all the time to say, I like how he's coaching this team. Right. If you had like a 90 year old substitute teacher

with George Patton's deceased heart in his chest, Bill Parcells would be like, that guy, that guy knows how to win a football. He's doing it. Yeah. Get rid of one of these wide receivers. Mm-hmm. OK.

Oh, he also, he, this was also pretty good. He taped tennis balls to all his defensive backs' hands to encourage them not to hold. I like that. That's the way they're going to learn. I like that a lot. I fucking love Joe Judge. Yes.

And when the Giants go like play poorly and he gets fired after years, it's going to be even funnier. Yep. All right. Let's get Hot Seat Cool Throne going. Hot Seat Cool Throne is brought to you by Bud Light. Both on the Hot Seat and the Cool Throne this week is our friend Gardner Minshew.

Bud Light is on a mission to make Gardner Minshew the top pick in fantasy. If you pick him in the first round, you can win a case of Bud Light, tweet a screenshot of your pick with hashtag Bud Light, Minshew Draft, and hashtag sweepstakes to enter. On top of that, if you win your league with Minshew, you can win an entire season's worth of Bud Light.

Holy shit. I actually love this deal. Head to Bud Light Social to learn more. So go right now, hashtag Bud Light, Minshew Draft, and hashtag sweepstakes. If you draft him in the first round and you win your league, you can win Bud Light for an entire season. That's a lot of pressure on Gardner Minshew.

That's a lot of pressure. We'll have to get him back on soon and we'll talk to him about that. Hank, Hot Seat Cool Throne, go. My Hot Seat is a few Hot Seats all within this podcast, you know, family. Actually, I'm just gonna do a Hot Seat for each of you. PFT, PFT is in the Hot Seat

because Dan Snyder joined Twitter. Yep. But he's got a private account. Also, that's cool, because everyone can roast him. Yeah, but he's just gonna be lurking, like if you look at PFT as a potential buyer, future owner of the team, PFT's got some cleaning up to do.

I have a lot of cleaning up, like my entire account, basically. Okay. Big hats on the Hot Seats, these things at Fall, guys. Stinks is like, Oh, for 95. Everyone stinks at Fall, guys. 89, 89.

And Billy's on the Hot Seat because he's meeting his hero tomorrow and he's like nervous beyond belief and is not gonna know what to say. Jim Florentine. Yeah, Jim Florentine's here. Is that your hero? Yeah, Billy loves him.

How many heroes do you have? Cause we just interviewed Jimmy Tatro today and he was legit your hero. Billy's a massive, massive Crankankers fan. He was like shaking earlier. Yeah. No idea who this guy is. Oh yeah, that's bullshit.

You know exactly who he is. Way to play, cool. Smart. No, that's actually, cause you blew it today with Jimmy Tatro. He actually said on the way out, he's like, who was that kid? And what's his problem?

So, no, I'm just kidding. Dude, he thought, yo, can I tell you something? He thought you were sweet. Sick. Yeah. All right. That was your cool Throne, Hank. My cool Throne is a live 10 to two man, Taylor.

Tim Allen. Yo, he actually did say you were sweet. Dude, Jimmy Tatro thought I was sweet. No, he, he legit said he was sweet. So he's like, sweet. I know, he did say he was sweet. I'm not joking, he said you're sweet. Tim Allen and the dude from the show, whatever.

He's dead? No, Richard Karn are doing a history channel show together. Al Borland. Al Borland. Yeah. Okay. I'm in, sure. Nice.

Is it gonna be about the history of cocaine and Tim Allen selling it? New snitching. I would watch that. I would watch Gangland, Home Improvement. Snitching. Which is a blacked out face of Tim Allen talking about how you just go backstage

and blast off realism between takes. Home Workshop competition show. Cool. Oh, and then by the Cool Throne there's only fans. Ah, yes. It's really just blown up in the mainstream these days. Plaxico Burst joined today. God knows what he's posting on there.

It came out that Bella Thorne, the child actor. She joined, made one million in one day. Should we all sign up for a couple just as a joke? Just for fun. Well, I told Billy to sign up for Plaxico Burst's only fan. We should just get Billy a phone that he could keep with just a bunch of accounts on it. Oh, Billy, that's a good joke.

Nice. Say it louder. Say it louder. He's shooting his third leg. Nice. That's really good. You can say, is that a gun in your sweatpants or are you just happy to see me?

Nice. Oh, Billy's feeling good about that. I, only fans, I feel so stupid every single time there's a swipe up on Instagram like check out this hot picture of me and I swipe up and it's fucking only fans. I hit that roadblock four times a day. Fucking sucks.

Sounds like you fall out of porn stars. I do. Do you porn star if you don't know any fans? I mean, what's the point of Instagram? That's it. Nah, it's big porn stars. I actually have a confession to make. I have an only fans.

You do? Yeah. And? Well, ever since I wore my toe shoes, people actually started DMing me, asking me for feet pics. Okay. And they started offering money

and I actually set one up. It's Billy Feetball. Very entrepreneurial, yeah. No, I'm serious. Yeah, I like. Billy Feetball? Yeah, I actually like. Hell yes, Billy.

I've been actually making fangs. Good job. How much are you making? Like a good amount here and there. No, tell us the truth. How much are you making? I've made around under a thousand dollars, but over a hundred.

You've made like over 700 dollars? It was actually really weird. So like the one time that like we were on the live stream and I was wearing my feet shoes. Yeah. Three people hit it up. I noticed you stopped wearing those. Wait, so that's only for subscribe?

Yeah. I can't get more of that for free, dude. No, I'm serious. Like you're looking up. Wait, hold on. So you've made $800? Around there. And so what are you selling?

Feet pics to do. Some pics. Billy Feetball feet pics. They're just foot pics. Turns out. Can I see? Can I see like one of the requests? Let me see your feet, Billy.

Where's my phone? Oh my God. This is incredible. Good job, Billy Feetball. You're going to get a lot of. Head of the curve. Yeah, I know. Here, yeah, only fans.

Are people like, hey, man, can you, do they make you put stuff on it? No, just legitimately pictures my feet. Like, do they have you pose? Puppets on the toes. No, just, I just. Like make sure the lighting's good. So do you just pop off a pic?

Like, get out of the shower, boom, pic? Well, should you set up like tiers too? Like, no, dude, $1,000 for the full feet. Dude, it's actually. Stravaganza. Look, three feet. A foot fuck you. OK.

This is, oh my God. This is so weird. Billy Feetball. No, I'm not hating. Dude, you're making money. Dude, if one of these guys is going to track me down. Got to make money somehow. Do you do like Q&As?

No, I just take pictures of my feet. How often do you have to update? Legitimately, like, every night, like before I go to bed and take my socks off, I just take a snap of my fucking feet. And that's the private pic for the night for these people. Are you dealing with, like, any subscribers who are getting upset, like, and asking you to do more?

Like, hey, where's tonight's update? Size 14 wide feet. That's where he has listed. No, seriously, that's what they're down for. I'll give a fuck. It's my fucking feet. Oh, shit. I just closed out.

Whatever. Let me see it. I closed out. That's incredible, Billy. There's no messages or anything. It just says Billy Feetball, size 14 wide feet. Yeah, I get the subscription. Yeah, yeah.

You can't just get that for free. All right, Pifty, what's your hot seat cool throne? My hot seat is my eyes because I'm looking at Billy Feetball. Oh my God. Yeah. OK, I've seen enough. There you go, Billy. That's hot, Billy.

My hot seat is dogs, dogs, bro, because Bryce and DeChambeau got him up big time in a massive, massive internet controversy. He, I guess, they're playing this week at the same golf course that he played at back in 2015, when he won the US amateur competition. And so he took a picture with their golden retriever, Trigger, is the name of this dog.

And he said, this dog, Trigger, was here and helped me win. The amateur opened back in 2015. Well, record scratch, it turns out that Trigger, the sweet boy, was born in 2017. So either Ryan Lochte owns this golf course, and the dog has been one year old for the last five years. Or Bryson got him up trying to chase an internet clout, like a dog chasing his tail, got caught big time.

I even did some research on this dog, Trigger. Because I was like, maybe it's one of those, maybe it's an ugget situation, where there's a Trigger one, Trigger two, Trigger three. No, no, no, no, no. The dog that was before Trigger, or the Trigger's dad, is named Divit. And Divit works at a neighboring golf course.

So regardless of what happened, and he's never been, Divit, to my knowledge, has never been on this golf course. So he's just lying. So he's just lying for clout. Got caught big time for dog clout. Fuck that guy. Bryson DeShambeau. Jesus.

Liars. Triggergate. The worst. The worst. My cool throne is Earth. Because remember the asteroid that we talked about? Turns out it's tiny. Which one?

The asteroid that's going to hit on election day. There's like a million. It's tiny, and it's not going to hit. So that was, what's your favorite point? But we got freaked out about that. Yeah. Big time freaked out about it. Fucking scare tactics.

We're going to survive. Mini Mike. They should call the asteroid Mini Mike Bloomberg. There you go. That would be very funny. Yes. It's small, and it won't hit on election day. There we go.

That was like one point set of balls. That was good balls. I don't know. Top of my head balls. And Peng Zai. You know what Peng Zai? He's on my cool throne too. Wait, what's that?

Cool throne. Peng Zai. He's a, no, no. Cool throne, Hank. I'll inform you. Because Peng Zai, he's that Chinese guy that does a tornado chug. Oh yeah.

The drinking guy, our friend Donnie, Donnie does world. He is like good friends with Peng Zai. Peng Zai uploaded a video last night to the internet saying that he was going to probably be arrested. He's in big trouble. He was crying, and he did one last chug. And then he went offline after that. And he was getting arrested for chugging, basically.

The Chinese government doesn't support how viral he was going. Too much of a bro. Yeah. Too many beard. Yeah, he yugs big time. Chinese government does not like that. Well, as of two hours ago, Peng Zai posted again to Twitter saying he's fine.

Don't worry about me. I'm back. I'm good. Totally wasn't arrested and brainwashed by the Chinese police to go back online and say that he's wearing a LeBron James jersey. He was very excited saying how great China was. He actually wasn't.

But I'm saying this could be like Peng Zai might be brainwashed now, and he's now sent back with a green light to create content that is more China friendly. So just keep an eye on him. I can't imagine it's hard to brainwash a dude who just chugs for a living. He's just drunk. Yeah, he's just drunker.

He can eat a lot, too. He's just got that. We should get him a zillion beer shirt. That would be very funny. OK, is that it? That's it. My hot seat is Chris Weber. Chris Weber's on the hot seat.

Chris Weber is getting roasted. Chris Weber is out on an island. Chris Weber is a terrible announcer, and he's getting what they say as exposed because he's, I think it's just because there's so many games going on, and he's been calling. It feels like the important game every single night. And holy shit, does he suck.

Chris Weber is the Michael Scott. Sometimes I start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope along the way I find it, like I find my way. That's it. He just starts talking. So tonight, he had two that were incredible. He said he knew that Mantra's Herald was

going to have a good game. Why, you ask? Because he was sitting on the bench without pants on. OK. And then the real Chris Weber, I don't understand how his brain works. It really is like he's the dude who just needed a party, and he just starts talking.

And you immediately are like, how do I get out of this conversation? It's going nowhere, all at the same time, he's just putting words together, run on sentences, and nothing makes sense. Please let me go. But then we get trapped with him for three hours a night. So his other one was Chris Weber said

the difference between Raptor Kauai and Clipper Kauai. I'll give you a guess. What do you think? Time zones. Nope. Hank, guess? New operating system. Raptor Kauai and Clipper Kauai.

Different uniform colors. Nope. Now he's much more of a veteran. He's got that championship pedigree for another year. That's what he means. He already had a title, but he had another title. It's just another year.

He's that much more of a veteran. He's in conference title. Yes, that's true. That's actually a huge difference. Chris Weber stinks, man. It's tough to listen to. It's crazy too, because Reggie Miller's like actually the worst.

Which is either right, Chris Weber. He's living in the bubble so happy. No, he's bubbling at Wendy's. Haven't you seen that commercial? Yeah. Reggie Miller. Yeah, so he's just been dodging a bullet watching Chris Weber.

He said compartmentalize. Last night, I was like, what is going on? I like it. Sometimes I get the thought that maybe being a color guy on TV is a lot harder than we think that it is. But then you see other guys stepping so seamless. Right. Which is shouldn't we be blaming that?

Or is it play by play guy? He's actually trending right now for the second time. Like two nights in a row, he's trending. Not good. Not good. And it's hard to trend. It's hard to be an announcer and trend two nights in a row without saying anything actually controversial.

Like this is a very, very, very difficult situation. Like this isn't Tom Breneman. This isn't Mike Milbury. He's just trending because he's bad. Just trending for stinking. Yeah. Like generally just everyone's tweeting about Chris Weber. What are you going to say, Jake?

Yeah, the job of the play by play is to steer the boat. And then you're teaming up the analyst to make. Chris Weber sits down every single night and looks at the play by play guy. He says, I'm the captain now. And then just starts talking for two and a half hours. Right. Chemistry has a lot to do with.

Who's this guy? On what game was he doing? He's doing every game. It seems like every game. Right now there's Brian Anderson and Spirit Ditas. OK. And Kevin Harlan. Do you have like playing cards of these guys?

No, I've just followed them for a long time. All right. My cool throne is the Pittsburgh Pirates because the Pittsburgh Pirates got no hit tonight. Lucas Giolito had a 13 strikeout, 101 pitch, no hitter, only one walk. The Pirates are seven and 18. They're the worst record in baseball.

But guess what, Pirates fans? I'm going to help you out. Nothing. Nothing counts this year. Yeah. You're good. You are so bad. You're good.

Would it would it count as no hitter if you threw in a seven in a game? I don't know if there's rules for that. That would be what if you had a pitcher that could go out there and throw like, I don't know, 150 pitches, like a Max Scherzer or something like that. And you hit you pitch them both games of double header. And did a double no hitter back to that would be.

And then they'd be like, this is this is only the 15th time this has ever happened. The first 14 times were satchel page. Yeah. Every single time. 101 pitches, though, no hitter, 13 strikeouts. That's fucking impressive. That's pretty good.

Yeah. That's really good. I don't think I can name a couple of Pirates. Can you name any Pirates? Andrew McCutcheon. Yeah. They might be the least nameable team. I all I got is Josh Bellin and Gregory Polanco.

Chris Orcher. There we go. OK. But it's it's it's tough when you just start listing Pirates. You're like, wait, Barry Bontz. No, yeah, no, there's no no one on the Pirates. How many years do you think the Pirates could go drawing, like 40% attendance, never making the playoffs, obviously,

and still be a functional team and not like have their owner have to sell? Because I feel like in Pittsburgh, you can get away with a lie in Pittsburgh. You're giving you're giving the citizens of Pittsburgh a reason to drink during the daytime in the summer. That's what the Pirates are there for. The Pittsburgh has long, long, long, long ago figured it out.

If you have every single team have the exact same colors, fans will show up, watch the Pirates suck, and just be like stillers. Yeah. And if they just look at the uniforms like stillers, if they happen to be good, then most of the people in town are already wearing those colors. Like, yeah, yeah, right.

So they should feel bad for Pirates fans, but at least you have the coronavirus pandemic in this season being weird. So it doesn't count. The Pirates should just sell Steelers jerseys. Yes. Steelers jerseys are their players' names on the back. They'd probably sell more.

Yes. Billy, take us home. My hot seat, the spicy seat, literally, is chicken nuggets. McDonald's is coming out with spicy chicken nuggets, and I think that's really cool. So why is that your hot seat, though? That is cool. Because they're hot.

Oh, your butthole. The McDonald's. My hot seat. They give you a hot seat. Exactly. OK. And my. That is cool.

That's awesome. Spicy nuggets sell all the time. My cool throne is milk. Chase Winovich went off on a total rant about how much he loves milk and how much cows are beautiful. He played for their parlor. Exactly. So he just went off on a press conference day

about how much he loves milk and how his cousin's a dairy farmer. And I thought that was really cool. All right. Billy, you're going to get a Cousin, aren't you? Maybe. Chase Winovich is a pretty sweet dude, huh? Yeah, he's pretty cool.

I actually have a theory about Billy. He hits like all the things. Plays football. Sweet hair. Name Chase. Cool. I have a theory about Billy. I came up with this.

We hung out with him that rough and rowdy Billy. Yeah, he bleeds his hair, though. My theory, though, is that Billy might be related to Kirk Cousins. Because Billy tweeted out earlier today, what was it? Creed's greatest hits? What'd you say about it? I said I like the.

Kirk Cousins is definitely a, like, toe sock. Toe shoe guy. Oh, he is. Oh, yeah. Would you say about those socks? Plus, you get an OnlyFans account. You won't, Kirk. Would you say about Creed?

I like Creed. And what did Kirk Cousins say? You tweeted something out. I said Alexa played Creed's greatest hits. Yeah, so this is like four years ago, Kirk Cousins tweeted out famously, like, nothing hits like being in the weight room when Creed's greatest hits comes on.

You know what? Creed's good. So is Nickelback. Yeah, I'm just saying, you guys both cook your meat like assholes. I think you might have something in blood. Hey, I've said before, you look like if Kirk Cousins was like a Paul brother.

Jake, the long. You're the long lost Paul brother. If Kirk Cousins' dad cucked their mom. Well, we don't cuck shame here. That's right. I'm not. I'm just saying you might be related to Kirk Cousins. Well, I'll have to look into that.

Look into it. I actually kind of buy that. I like that. I think that's racist. No. Saying to people who look like it's incestuous. Just because we're white doesn't mean that we look like. No, it's not because you're white.

It's everything else. OK. It's the Creed. It's the steak. It's the toe shoes. Not being a very good quarterback. Yeah, all these facial structure. Yeah, all these things when you add them up.

Yeah, that was a lot. All right, you're wearing a fucking shirt of the state of Minnesota right now, Billy. You're Kirk Cousins. You're Kirk Cousins. You are Kirk Cousins. All right, let's get to our interview with Jay Farrell. Awesome interview.

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Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest. It is comedian, actor, former SNL cast member, Jay Farrell. He's got a bunch of stuff coming out. Or out. You're a busy, busy man. You have two minutes of fame, which is out right now video on demand. You have how to fake a war,

out right now video on demand. And then a bad hair that will be coming out October 23rd. I guess the first question is, how are you like the busiest guy in the world right now when it feels like there's no movies coming out and you got three of them? I mean, dude, I mean, I've seen weirder stuff in 2020. We just saw Meg Dostalion, who was five foot 10,

get shot at by a man who has not finished puberty, who was five foot one. And people think she's lying about it. So there have been more crazier things that happened 2020. I personally just feel like the blessings as far as I go are just showering down because I'm so appreciative of everything that has gone on.

This whole COVID, whole pandemic, I've gotten a chance to sit down and really evaluate some things and really be thankful. And that's why I think to answer your question, there's so many movies happening right now just because I'm thankful. If I was pissed off, there wouldn't be any movies. Karma, so Karma got you all these movies.

Karma got me the movies. I mean, Karma didn't film them with me, but I filmed them back then. So you know. In what order should people watch them? Because you just gave us three good things to watch. So is there a preferred order that we should go in? What makes you the most money if we watch it?

Yeah. I have, look, man, I got moments, I got fun moments in all of these movies that are coming out, man. If you wanna take it and watch me in a different, like a different, different role, I would say watch How to Fake a War First. I would say Two Minutes of Fame, Second,

and then Bad Hair when it finally comes out. You should check that out too in October. And yeah, I think you should check them out just like that, brother. So Two Minutes of Fame, it seems like it's semi-biographical, maybe not all the way, but it's, you know, you're a comedian

who's found doing an impression. You know, obviously people know you for your impressions, or at least got introduced to you with your impressions. Is there an annoyance factor of people always being like, hey, there's Jay Faro, do Denzel, hey, there's Jay Faro, do Barack Obama, do Jay-Z. Does it, do you sometimes feel like a tickle me Elmo, that people trying to poke you to get the impression out?

I feel like that, I feel like that on Instagram, when I do my Instagram lives, people in the street, they don't really, they don't really do, they don't really do that a lot anymore. It doesn't really annoy me anymore. It did for a moment, but I had to like recollect and think about, think about why people were coming to see me anyway.

Like you, you're coming to see somebody, I bought a ticket to come see you because you've done something that I enjoy. So as an artist, it is your job to be able to deliver that happiness to a person. So if somebody came to my show and I didn't do Denzel Washington, they'd probably be pissed off.

So of course I'd have to do that, but that's not the bulk of the act. So I've learned how to use impressions to just bring people in to what I'm really trying to talk about and really trying to do. Because in the material, you can see who I really am. And maybe before you couldn't see it

because it was more character-driven or whatever, but now it's just like me talking about life and just sprinkling in the impression. So I don't take it for granted at all and I don't get pissed off. I just accept it. I'm like, hey man, you wanna see it, it's fine. You're gonna get these,

I'll give you some Eddie Murphy at the end. But you're gonna get these jokes, you know what I'm saying? It's a Jay Farrow gateway drug. You get you hooked on Jay Farrow and then you give everyone the, you get hooked on the impression, which is probably like cigarettes or weed and then you give them the hard stuff.

Then you get coke, yup, and then I'll give you that and I'll give you some A-balls, or like Parkinson's, Molly, whatever I have that day. Before you know it, you're like robbing your parents, you're taking money out of their purse to go buy tickets to a Jay Farrow show. Yeah, all I did was see a Jay Farrow show. Now I'm addicted to everything.

Yeah, I like that. Is that different? I imagine it's almost gotta be harder, I would think. Maybe you can correct me, but if you're doing a show where you're sprinkling in the impressions, you can't have the impressions end up being the punchline. You have to actually work on what the clothes

of a joke might be, whereas before, if you just like knock a Will Smith out of the park, then that's the laugh, right? People are laughing at that point. You don't actually have to worry about making your point or bringing the audience back into the joke that you were writing. Right, because it doesn't, at that,

because it doesn't matter. It's like, it doesn't matter if you're just doing an impression show. And I respect artists that do that. There's a few people that just go out there and they just do an hour of impressions. I don't know how to hell. I don't know how to hell you can consistently do that

because earlier, when I was first starting, that's what it was, that's what it was. I would have voices and I would have them talking about current events. That's what I did. I would have like Bernie Mac talking about Justin Timberlake whipping out Janet Jackson's titty or you know what I mean, some shit like that.

It was just whatever was happening at that time, that's what it used to be. And it was, it is like, it's different. Now, I don't say it's harder, bro. And the reason I'll say it's not harder is because it's, dude, I've been on the road for damn near 13 years now, you know what I'm saying? So I'm used to, I'm used to the stage or whatever,

but it's hard getting through your act when you have somebody who constantly yells out something for you to do and it can throw you off if you do not have the skill set to deal with it. So what is that skill set? Do you then just in turn start making in front of that person directly? Yeah, you gotta, yeah, you gotta, yeah, call them out.

Say whatever, like address them and get back to regularly schedule a program. Other can mean like, if you're on the stage and somebody is heckling you, like we, nobody wants to get heckled, my G. Like you wouldn't want to, you wouldn't want to be at a freaking zoo and you shoveling elephant shit and somebody,

and somebody coming past you and they be like, hey man, hey, hey, hey, hey, you got some shit on your pants, you little bitch, I'm shoveling shit, okay? I'm a shit shoveler, that's what I'm doing. So it's, nobody wants to be heckled no matter what, but I will tell you this, if you heckle me, be prepared. Cause I will, I don't have jokes,

I have disrespectful statements. And that's what I say. Yeah, I love it. I disrespectfully say shit. I want to go back to the beginning real quick with you because you're from, you're from Chesapeake, Virginia, right, the Tidewater area? Chesapeake, Virginia, yep, 757.

Okay, so I want you to tell me who you think is the best athlete to come out of Southeast and Virginia because there's one correct answer and then there are two very good answers. Okay. The best athlete to come, you know there's like mad athletes that came from Chet Lake, my area. Yep.

You got BJ Upton, you have Placico Burris, you have Michael Vick. Justin Upton? Well, I said Justin Upton because to BJ Upton. Justin Upton, don't be mean to Justin. Marcus Vick, yeah. You have Alonzo Morning, you've got, it's a lot of, there's a lot of people.

So to be safe, I'ma say AI. That's the right answer. I'm glad that you said that. And then the good answer is Mike Vick and Marcus Vick. Mike Vick and then Bruce Smith would be another good answer too there. But yeah. Bruce Smith, yeah.

Lawrence Taylor came out of my area too. Oh, I didn't know that. I forgot about that. I would put him above Bruce Smith. People don't talk about how good Alan Iverson was at football too in high school. He's like a legend down there, right? Yeah, I didn't well shoot, shoot.

I didn't even know that Alan Iverson played football. Look, that's the difference between Chesapeake people and Newport News people. We call Newport News bad news. That's what they call that. You stay away from bad news. So I was in Greenbriar with all the, with all the, it was Greenbriar,

with all the nice, with the rich white folks. So it wasn't none of that. I wasn't really, I wasn't really thinking about what else Alan Iverson was doing. But I will tell you, he's one of the greatest basketball players that we have ever witnessed with some of the quickest handles and some of the best, most precise pivot movements ever.

Yeah, I feel like AI is one of those guys that if he came along 10 years later and Twitter and like highlights were more widespread, we'd appreciate him even more. Not that we didn't appreciate him then, but like, you know, when James Harden does something and it's slow mo and puts on Twitter, you're like, holy shit, that needs to be AI more.

Oh yeah, they definitely, they definitely need to do that, man. Just to, quick demand was so, he's so quick. He was, he was so freaking quick. And look, good dude, good dude gives back to the community. You don't hear a lot, you don't hear nothing, you don't hear no negative stuff about AI. AI is good, he's a good face for, he's a good face for the Tidewater area, man.

I would definitely say that, for sure. So you had, I mean, I guess it was kind of public break up with SNL afterwards, you said that, you know, you weren't so happy with how it all ended. Have you repaired that at all? Or are you just- Did I say I wasn't happy with how it all ended? I saw an article says,

Jay Farrow dises Saturday Night Live after firing. Yeah, and that's where I'm gonna, that's where I'm gonna correct you right now. Because those people that put out that article, which is clickbait, the headline is clickbait. I didn't say anything in that, anything in that thing, like, oh, you know, it was, you know, it was, it was, you know, I just, I didn't diss,

I did not diss anybody. What I said, and I will say it again, I reiterate what I said, at a certain point, you can be put in a box for doing one thing. When you might be multi-talented, and you might not get a chance to show those other talents, just because you've already been tight-cast

or put in a box, Hollywood does that. Everybody does it in Hollywood. That's, they take, they take what they think you are, and they try to perpetuate that, but you might not be that, there might be so much more to you. And you're not getting a chance to show those skills. That's all I would say. That's not even close to a diss.

Yeah, that's not even close to a diss. So we're gonna fix that headline, because that happens to everyone at SNL too, there are a lot of people at SNL. You see the same characters over and over. You're this guy, you're that guy. All right, so we're gonna fix that headline. Fuck variety for saying that.

You were wrong. Except I have a dozen disss. You do understand we have to get our clicks in too. So Jake, when you write up this interview for the blog, put Jay Farrow's disses SNL on part of my take, and then in the body we'll correct it. We'll make sure that people don't. Listen, the real reason I asked Jay's,

because I was hoping that you were like, yeah, it didn't end great. And then you could get to be such a big star that you then go back to host, and then you intentionally bomb just to fuck them over. That would be cool. That would be cool. Why would I do that?

For what? Just to be like, ha ha, fuck you guys. F you. All right, Lauren, I'm gonna, all right, Lauren. I can't read, I'm sorry. Oh, we going on like, I can't read, I'm sorry. I can't see the lines of the sketches. Oh, I missed another joke.

All right, so we correct. We correct. He would be so pissed. Yes, yes, so, all right, so that dream is dead, so we corrected it. What was your, who was your favorite person to work with at SNL? Cast wise or host wise.

Why did you both? All right, cast wise, you know, it was me, Bobby Moynihan, love him, Taryn Killam, Vanessa, me and Pete worked with each other sometimes, loved working with Keenan, a lot of the other players, you know, I mean, everybody was dope to work with, but the people I was closest to on that show

had to be Bobby, Taryn and Vanessa, because I came in with that class. Everybody else was, everybody else was newer. As far as the host, I would say Drake, but he's not my number one. Kerry Washington is my number one host to work with. I believe that episode that we did, you know, there was definite,

we broke some barriers and broke some records that episode and what does my girl say? I wrote that one, that episode and it was just, she was, and she was good. She knew, her timing was great. I would say Kerry Washington and then Drake, the Drake episodes were fun. And then Josh Brolin was fun too,

for me to work with when he came on the show. Was it, I was just gonna say, was it weird when you started working there and you immediately obviously took over doing the Obama impressions from Fred Armisen? Was that weird being like, hey, why have you been doing Obama impressions? Well, can you say it's weird,

can you say it's weird when I was on the cast for two years and I didn't even get to play Obama until 2012, because Fred Armisen was still playing him in 2010. Oh, this is the juicy headline. Okay, cool, Jay Farrell was mad that he didn't get to play Obama for two years. Right.

No, it wasn't, like I said, it wasn't weird because they took their time with it. They didn't do it immediately, you know, the show. And rightfully so, like Fred Armisen is a, he's super talented and, you know, it could have been anything for their apprehension. It could have been, oh, he hasn't been, he hasn't been in front of the camera that much.

It could have been anything. Right. But I think things happened when they were supposed to happen. Now, I tell you, I wish I was able to have more freedom with the Obama character when I was on the show, because I just, that impression was something that they kind of locked down.

And you, you know, there was no, there was no room for, room for kind of taking it and characterizing it, you know? Yep, yeah. Because I had a character called Chaka Obama back in 2010 before Jordan Pugh and Michael Keegan came out with the anger translator. And I had brought it to SNL and they didn't want to,

they were like, well, how is that different from the Rock Obama? And I said, it's mad different from the Rock Obama. First of all, the Rock's not playing Obama. Second of all, it would be just like, it's his subconscious, it's Barack's subconscious. Everything he can't say. The Rock Obama is just throwing people around.

It's totally different. It's not the same thing. And we never, we never got a chance to put that on the show. And Keegan Pugh came out with the anger translator and they got Emmy off it. So I wish I was able to have more freedom with that character from the beginning to take it to where I wanted to take it. And, you know, and maybe I couldn't articulate,

articulate it well enough. I don't know. I was 22, man, come on. You know what I mean? I got that show when I was 22. Right. How does that work? Are there, like speaking outside of the SNL environment,

are there turf wars over, like, which impressions you can do? And then, like, if somebody else starts doing an impression that you're known for, you got beef with that guy? You mean you're talking about on the show, right? No, no, outside of SNL, just like in comedy in general. Look, there are a few people, I wouldn't even say a few people, there are some folks out there who view being an impression as a competition type thing.

Like, oh, I got to compete with yo, man, I do this, why you do it? I'm not that person. I don't give two shits if you do a Denzel Washington impression or if you do a Cat Williams impression or if you do a Jay-Z impression. Because first of all, I know that my skill set is so elevated that you're not going to be able to touch it. Second of all, even if you do one better than me,

I still have, like, 200 other ones. So it's not that I don't feel ownership to any of my impressions because I'm more than that. I'm an actor, a comedian, and a rapper who can do impressions. And from that narrative and from that aspect and that regard, you as an artist will not take any money away from me if you do the same thing. Because I have my fan base and I know my skill set.

I'm confident in myself. And there's no point for me to go back and forth with you unless we're on Instagram live and I'm with my friends and we just having fun and we going back and forth for the impressions because I've done that. We've done that. But there's no animosity with it. There's nothing like, man, you do this, man.

You do this, yo. I do this. It ain't none of that shit. And for people who think like that, those people have probably still been in the same position for years. Yeah. Yeah.

What about if someone comes along and does a J. Farrow impression doing a Barack Obama impression? Now we've got a problem. I mean, that's called impression in section and also can be called a triple line tantra. But either way, I hope that happens one day. I hope there's somebody who's able to do an impression of me and matter of fact, no, there's already that.

Yeah. Yeah. There's already people who do impressions of me doing impressions and they have literally told me this. You can watch the video for like Denzel Washington doesn't say, all right, OK, two million times. That is something that I took and exaggerated. And now everybody for Denzel template is, all right, OK,

my man, my N word and do the face. I wrote the blueprint. We wrote the blueprint. I think my when I do Denzel, I think I am doing an impression of you do it now that I think about it. I just say, come on, Jake, come on, Jake. That's just what I just over and over again. But I'm pretty sure that's based on your impression of him.

It's definitely man. It's spot on to spot everything spot on from the lift. Everything. Yep. You know, I just came up with a billion dollar idea, by the way, where you're talking a second ago. You should do a rap album. But every song is you doing a different celebrity's voice

rapping that song already happening. OK, all right. Wait, so you did you get have you ever been like called out by someone who you met? Because didn't Kanye call you out at his own wedding about impressions? They called me Kanye called me on the phone personally. But when he did the Made of America Festival back in 2014, and I had just done the MTV Awards,

he got on stage and said, I called Shay Ferro and told him about his impression. He didn't do that. He called me up and he talked to me. He literally had a conversation about himself to himself. And I sat there the whole time. Did you do the Kanye voice back to him? Because that would have been incredible.

Hell, no, I ain't doing Kanye voice back to him. I say, shoot it. People got meant to know. Hell, no, I ain't doing it. Yeah, probably. Look, I am not a person unless the person asked me to do the impression. I'm not going to do it. Like, yo, man, hey, Shay, I got a sick impression of you.

Hell, no, right. No, no. So Kanye called me and he talked about himself 15 minutes and he went off. And then that was it. And then I saw him again at the SNL 40. And he said I remember him. He was with Kim Kardashian. And it was me, Michael Chay. And it was my agent, Adam Jena Vissian, and we were sitting there

conversing with Kanye and all in two minutes into the conversation. He breaks off and just goes, OK, me and Kim are going to go fuck. Goodbye. I was like, I was like, well, well, you know, I, well, you know, Kim, I've seen her fuck, but you. It was just so it was so weird and obscure. But people like that, man, I, you know, you know, Kanye's got Kanye's got a couple of of mental disorders. He has folk about this.

I'm not joking about this. I'm just saying you just have to be careful with how with how you talk to folks who are not stable sometimes. I didn't know what state of mind he was in. Yeah, I was just listening. So I wasn't I wasn't in no. Let me do an impression. Let me let me make jokes. Now, I wasn't even that because I was surprised he was calling me in the first

place. I didn't even know how he got my number. And then I found out I did it. And then the producers and S&L told me they gave him my number. I was like, oh, OK, all right. Well, I know I know not to give certain people my address. Yes, yes, yes, I had one last S&L question. It was maybe the most relatable moment of your S&L career. And it wasn't a sketch.

It was at the end of the show when Scarlett Johansson ruined the Mayweather Pacquiao fight for you and you visibly. I assume you had it on DVR and you were like, what the fuck? Like I was saving that for after this. Is that what it was? You were saving it? Um, what happened during that time? What was it? Yeah, she I think I did I not know who one. Well, she goes she goes up and she's at the end.

She's like, all right, thank you, everyone. And she's like, and congratulations to Floyd Mayweather, who apparently won. And you're just like, oh, fuck, are you serious? And you like visibly I remember I remember that moment and I remember seeing it back and I remember with Khalifa putting both hands on his face like Macaulay Corker, the home alone too. Yeah. And I remember being frustrated. I don't know if I was frustrated because I put money on it and I lost.

Or if I was frustrated that that now I knew the outcome of what I was going to watch afterwards. But anyway, Scarlett Johansson had ruined the moment and I didn't want to know it. And I think that's why I was pissed off. I think I think I didn't want to know it and she said it. And I was just like, God dang it. Yes. And I want the money probably to somebody. That's a messed up thing for her to do, though, like just minutes after the fight

and she's on live TV, you got to have more self-awareness in that. Yeah, but for somebody who doesn't watch somebody who doesn't watch sports and probably isn't in that world, it doesn't matter to them. Yeah. Me and you, if somebody told me the results of the Tyson fight with Roy Jones, Jr. before like, oh, Roy Jones got knocked the fuck. I'd be pissed off if I didn't watch it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, absolutely. But I cannot put somebody who probably watches.

I don't know what Scarlett Johansson watches, but she doesn't look. She looks like she watches you on Netflix. Yes. She looks like one of them people. I can't get mad at somebody who don't know who's not a fan and just innocently said some shit. It's like a little kid passing gas in front of you. He can't hold it, but cheeks together. Yeah. He's just loose.

Like your grandfather shitting on himself. He's got a weak ass cheek. He can't do anything. You need to just yell it. You yell it at everyone. That's my dad is obsessed with not watching commercials. So like, if I call him, he'll pick up the phone and be like, don't tell me what happened in this game or that that game.

Like he'll say that before I can say anything because he's got shit DVR for weeks in an event. Like, you know, like he's watching shit a week ago because he doesn't want to watch commercials. So you need to start doing that. Just walking around being like, don't tell me what happened. By the way, the Tyson, the Tyson fight, I can tell you right now. I'm going to spoil it for you.

It's going to suck. And we're all going to pay way too much money to watch two old dudes go around the ring and throw jabs at each other. Hey, as long as somebody gets as long as somebody gets knocked down and I'm not as pissed off as I was when I was watching Conor McGregor versus Mayweather, I'll be freaking fine. Yeah, that to me was like, it would have been more interesting watching Floyd Mayweather fight a dictionary and fight

than fighting Conor McGregor. Well, so the good news about that fight for us personally is we both were there and when we walked into the stadium being fucking idiots, we were walking in and the beer guy outside who was clearly like trying to just get idiots like us to buy more beer started saying last call as we were walking in. So we just started chugging and got so fucking drunk that the fight was awesome for us.

And then the next day we're like, wait, we're in Vegas. There is no fucking last seven p.m. in Las Vegas on a Saturday night. We better stock up before they drink so much before the fight. We thought it was the greatest fight ever. And the next day I was like, that fight sucked like nothing really happened. We were like, wait, we thought it was sick, dude. I was there, too. Oh, OK, I was there. It was a moment that happened there that I was saying made me a mortal to my father.

All right. We're sitting about six rows from about six rows from the ring, right? Six rows from the ring. LeBron James walks in. LeBron James is biggest fuck. He's six, eight. You can't miss him, right? Literally, if you throw it, if you throw a ball at LeBron James, you missed, you have something's wrong with you, you know what I'm saying? He's a big dude.

He walks down the aisle. He comes to me. He says, hey, he goes, what's up, Jay? He walks away. My dad was like this. He was like LeBron James just talked to you. I was like, yeah, man, I know him. He was like,

I was like, you're so cute. That's awesome. We had the same thing happen. Us, we were sitting next to Barry Pepper in front of Barry. In front of Barry Pepper. We couldn't remember his name, so we both turned around and were like, dude, remember when you killed all the Nazis and he's like, yep. Yeah. And they're like, OK, cool.

Like, that was it. That was great. I'm the big admirer of that. Yeah. It's the same thing. And you tell and you bronze and you bronze your you bronze your snapback cap from that day and also your whole outfit. Well, and the ticket that was like the ticket, I think was like a hundred dollars itself. It had holograms and it on it.

And yeah, but that was a fun night. That was a fun night. Um, I saw on your Wikipedia page that well, it lists like all the impressions and shit that you do. But there was one that stood out because I don't think I've ever heard it. You do a Stone Cold Steve Austin impression. Oh, yeah. That seems like it'd be a very fun impression to do just like randomly,

not even like for people, but just like for friends just to get a crowd. Go just get a room like amped up and energized. Give me a hell. You want what? Give me a hell. Yeah, you set up a bitch drink some beer, take your ass. Stone. Coach.

Stun. You want what? Well, that was pretty good. I was such a wrestling fan when I was a kid. I used to three of them. It was Stone Cold. It was the rock. It was the rock was one who's Stone Cold, the Rock and Triple H.

When I tell you the amount of trash I talked to the wrong people, it was it was it will blow your I told my deacon in church to know his role and shut his mouth and I was going to take the Bible, turn it sideways and shove it up his candy yams. He thought he told my parents, I said ass, but I said yams. But I guess it's the same thing. You talking about taking a Bible, turn it sideways and shove it up somebody's candy yams.

I guess you're not watching SmackDown for the rest of the year. It was a good punishment. That's what I had to go through. My mother took my television out of my room and I couldn't watch SmackDown for a year. And mind you, we didn't have cable at the time. So that was the only shit I can watch. And my mom took that from me.

Yep. OK, so that's your most relatable moment because we're around the same age and I've conservatively estimated that there was a stretch there probably from like 97 to 99 that I stone cold stunned like every single person that I encountered straight. Like like it was like an issue. Like he just keeps stunning people for no reason.

I'd say like 90 percent of my friends have been suspended for de-exing a principle. Yeah, right. Say you suck it. Yeah, that's walking around just suck it. When you're in like seventh and eighth grade, you're just like, no, I de-exed him. What does that mean? I mean, suck it. Yeah. What does suck it mean?

I'm de-exing him. Like you don't you don't think that far in advance. But yeah, principles, principles did not like WWE. It's I actually is probably though, like our generation, there should be a study about like the attitude era on like nine to 13 year olds in that time frame and how we probably all have a great sense of humor because we go around telling each other to suck each other's cock. Do you know how many times I three D mother?

Like me and my homeboy used to three D people, yo. It kind of got bad. We three D the wrong person. They were in the they were in the class. We mean to we know, but we three D some prolific folks. And when I tell you what I when I tell you every day, we get it on hard surfaces. You know, like we we three D people on the on the gym floor.

Yeah, it's hard to fuck. It's hard to do anything, you know, so I'm surprised. I didn't get in more fights when I was in middle school. Yeah, yeah, because we three D this shit out of people. We can't. Yeah. Oh, yeah, Ms. Danko, Ms. Danko, come here. I did a Bronco Buster on somebody my freshman year of football.

It was like during two days. My coaches had some questions because they didn't they didn't watch they didn't know what it looked like. I was just wiping my ass on it. Oh, shit. So good. It's so good. God damn it. It's so good. Jay, I had so everyone's got to go watch.

Jay's got a million movies. The only one is making movies right now. Two minutes of fame out on right now. How to fake a war out right now. Bad hair coming out October 23rd. I had one last question. It's a zip recruiter question. Go right now.

Zip recruiter takes care of your zip recruiting or your recruiting. Right now you can try zip recruiter for free at ziprecruiter.com. All right. So we've had Kevin Hart on the show and I have a I brought up something to him that he denies, but I know it's real because I think I saw a clip. There was a deleted scene in one of his movies where he had the line. I just farted out of my heart.

OK, I remember it because I remember watching it and being like, this is the fucking dumbest, but funniest line ever. Can you just please for me? Just do the Kevin Hart impression and say I just farted out of my heart. He screamed it. Listen, God, listen to you. First of all, first of all, listen, I just farted out of my heart. That's all I needed.

That's all I needed because now I can just be like, no, it's here. Here we go. I'll just play it. I might make that my ringtone. I don't even know if they have ringtones anymore. They do. Acon. Yeah, that's true. Um, I had one last thing because one of the funniest things to watch

and you talked about growing up in a certain part of of Southeast Virginia with all the rich white guys, right? So right, right, right, watching, watching Dave Chappelle, Richard Pryor. And I'll say probably Eddie Murphy. Those were the three guys I think do the very funniest corny white dude voice impressions between those three. Who do you think is number one? Jeez, man.

I would say. I would say now, just because he just because he's still doing it, I would say it's between Eddie Murphy and Dave Chappelle. But Dave Chappelle, he wins because he's active. If Eddie Murphy was actively doing stand up right now, I would say his. Oh, you son of a bitch. But to answer your question, the person who has the best white guy voice is me, motherfucker.

I have too many voices. I can do John Mulaney. I'm loving it. Like, listen, I have the best white guy voice and I'm going to take the crown in my next special. I kid you not. I love it. That is such an easy way to make me laugh.

Every time I hear that, it's just so fucking funny. Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. Well, Jay, this has been awesome, man. We really appreciate it. Everyone go watch Jay's new movies. Like I said, you're the only one who's making movies. So you got to you're going to just get everyone to watch it, which is going to be great. I'm actually, this is now perfect for me because I've been looking for something to watch.

So I'm definitely going to check out two minutes of fame this weekend. But thank you, man. We really appreciate it. Thanks for having me on, guys. Yeah, sure. And also, we'll cut the part where you said you hate SNL and Lorne Michaels can go fuck himself. Right. That's exactly what I said.

All right, man. Thanks so much. That interview with Jay was brought to you by Three Chee. Three Chee is the leader in hemp derived cannabinoid products. They sell a wide range of hemp products. They've got CBD, CBN, CBG and CBC Vapes. Lotions and tinctures. All their products are the strongest hemp products on the market because they use more cannabinoids

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He officially requested the transfer today. The transfer request has been put in. Yes. It's a messy breakup. Yes. I guess I'm going to have to be a Man You fan. Well, we're going to follow Messi wherever he goes. It sucks.

I don't want to be, but I am a messy guy. Messy through and through. If you're a Ronaldo fan, Ronaldo can never pull off a stuff like this. Loser. Imagine Ronaldo trying to leave in a contract. Cristiano won a Champions League with room Madrid and then left, just saying. So Messi won a Champions League with Barca. I just saw Cristiano Ronaldo was trending and that was the first tweet I saw.

That he wanted he won a championship and then bounced. Is that good or bad? I don't know. I see a lot of memes like this guy said how Cristiano left Real Madrid and it's him, you know, going out on top. It says how messy we'll leave Barcelona with his head down. Messi can't do everything. Listen, Bayern.

Cristiano Ronaldo left Real Madrid as a three-peat champion with a little Cristiano Ronaldo shrug. Yeah, he probably they probably were all P.K.'s that he kicked. P.K.'s and like the headers from the sixth. Yeah. I why can't you find out how many? But Messi's probably got like a billion. He's got a bunch of everything except for World Cups.

Yeah, he's got a billion of those of those Champions Leagues, right? How fast do you think an MLS team could win the MLS? What is it, the MLS Cup? If Messi was on their team, just adding Messi on. Two days. Yeah, two long season last. Well, the MLS is back now and then they're starting again in September. A week tops.

He's got four Champions League titles. Suck on that. I don't know how many Messi or Ronaldo has. I probably walked into it there, but I don't care. But probably half those are Gareth Bales. Yeah, true. Exactly. So four and then he's got six Copa del Reyes.

Does Messi does Ronaldo have any of those? I don't think so. Ten La Liga titles. Should I keep going? Yeah, keep going. Won a club record. Thirty three trophies. He's got six European Golden Shoes.

How many Cunmabas? How many islands? He's only he's only on his taxes. He's cheat on his taxes more than Ronaldo. He's better at cheating on his. He got away with cheating on taxes for longer than Ronaldo did. All right. So Ronaldo has one, two, three, four Golden booties.

And Messi has one, two, three, four, five, six. Count the booties. Fuck. Yes. The booties, bitch. Suck our dicks, Ronaldo. You bitch. We would even might get killed for this. Oh, no, I don't.

I suck our fans are crazy, man. Can you imagine how many Golden Boots that Messi would have if he was Ronaldo's size? Ronaldo probably wouldn't even have one if I wouldn't have soccer anymore. Definitely. It would have been like you conned women's basketball. It would just be as messy bad for football.

Just ruin the whole thing. All right. Now it's talking soccer. Billy, anything that we missed on your sheet before we get to guys on chicks. Crispy cream worker runs doughnut through Glazer 25 times creates monstrosity. Woman accidentally dies.

He's cat yellow. I that wasn't an accident. That's a fetish. You pissed on the cat. That's a fetish. Yeah, you just wanted a yellow cat. You wanted to you wanted to eat your cat like as a peep. Let's see.

Joe judge mystery radio radio signal from space. That's on 150. Seven day cycle just woke up red on schedule. So the same thing keeps happening. Yeah, no fans. You half the sheet is just no fans. That's a bummer. All right.

Yeah, cool. Good sheet. All right, guys on chicks. Let's finish up the show. Stuff big cat PFT honk in your intern who definitely doesn't use steroids. My boyfriend's sister at the start of quarantine got bored and decided to get two baby ducks to take care of the first few weeks.

They were really small and cute. But now they're fully grown adult ducks. My boyfriend got them a big swimming pool so they can swim around and it's pretty nice. We've determined one is a male and one is a female because of their different sounding quacks and their size. When we toss them in the pool, the big duck will try to get one. We'll try to get on the back of the small duck and try to mate.

But at the same time, the male will hold the female's head underwater to try and drown it. Yeah. When we first saw this, my boyfriend said to me, this is what I'm going to do to you if you like it like that. At first, I thought he was kidding. But then he sent me a few pictures of large bathtubs and a question mark. And he keeps trying to see if I want to come with him in the neighborhood pool.

Do you think he's being serious? Should I be concerned? Yeah, run away. I'd say run far away and quickly. Our resident Steve Irwin, do you have anything to say? Paltry or tricky. I recently got some chicks. And they do grow out of their chick stage and just don't kink shame.

I don't know if this is a kink shame situation. Ducks are very rapey animals, though. Are they? Yeah, of course, group penises. Yeah, that's what she's got it. They're genitalia and arms race against each other in evolution. Oh, wow. The males have course group penises. It sounds like it's an arm race.

It gets itself, though, because as soon as your dick gets to corkscrew, you can't fuck anymore. That's probably why the male ducks are so pissed off. Well, you have to deal with a crooked ass wiener. Duck vaginas are like mazes because they're trying to like it's an arms race, literally between male vaginas and stuff. OK, that's it. You know, you know a lot about animal vaginas, Billy.

I'll give that really cool. It's really cool with evolution. There should be an you should be an option for animals. Exactly. Hey, boys, especially cake and Henry. So I've always. Oh, shut up, cake and almost cake. I'd bring it up to y'all. I've seen some guys cross their legs and some guys don't. So I've always presumed guys who cross their legs have smaller packages.

Am I just reading way too far into this? Or does that play a factor in it? Some guys just find it comforting and some not enjoy it. Thanks. Well, I have a small dick and I do cross my legs. So I guess guilty is charged over here. I think sometimes it can it's just awesome to cross your legs. And sometimes if I'm wearing shorts, I'll try to cross my legs sometimes because I don't want to put on a show.

I also think it's it's a fat thing. Like if I'm sitting if I'm sitting like this, it's just the fat. It's like the fat show. Where is this? It's like, who knows, he's got his knee in front of his fat. I. Yeah. You know what? Like half of being a guy is just learning to deal with the fact that your balls are always uncomfortable, no matter what. I've never no one ever has a good balls day.

Oh, I disagree on that. No, I would much rather my balls be internal. I've had balls. The good balls days. They just get in the way. No, but you'll like it. Like if you're like in a pair of basketball shorts and it's like, you know, 85 degrees, maybe you're free balling. Good ball day.

The only time I can have a good one. A good ball is showing for me is just if my balls make my dick look big at that particular time. Right. But like when you're when you're when it's like nice and warm out and your balls have a nice size to them and they're just kind of hanging out, you don't you're in the basketball shorts, maybe a breeze. There's definitely good balls days. It's tough at work, but there's good balls days.

Hip flexibility. Hip flexibility is what? I think the reason why some people cross your legs and some don't. So is it bad or I have bad hip flexibility? I don't cross my legs. Oh, so I have good hip flexibility. Exactly. Nice. I have recently contracted COVID-19 and one of my symptoms is I can't taste

or smell at all. Drinking coffee and tequila and I can't taste or smell at all. Would you say that is a good time for me to start eating a lot of ass? I have never eaten ass, but I feel like this is the perfect time. No, did the CDC said don't eat ass if you have corona? I can't remember what the guidelines were. I don't think they said do eat ass. I don't recall that being distributed.

It would be the time to like I would imagine if you can't taste or smell anything if your partner likes it. Then once your smoke was back, you're fucked. Just start making shoe nice videos, eat like a shitload of glue. Yeah, you can drink the nastiest stuff. Dude, people don't talk about shoe nice enough. That dude takey presenter. How does he do that?

And his his eyes are beautiful. You know who she nice is, Billy? You know, who's you know, Steve will do it is. I know she nice once like ate a whole thing of toilet paper. He eats everything. Yeah, it's incredible. That kid, that kid. Yeah, no, I think he presented the takey award.

Yeah, but he's also one of those guys that like if he dies, who cares because he's been eating just random shit for like it's not. Not who cares. I didn't mean to stand Liam there. Shout out, Mike, for instance. I meant if she nice dies, no one's going to be like, wonder how he died. It'd be really disappointing to find out that she nice died at like 97 years old, peacefully in his sleep.

No, he just eat like each eat. No, he died at 97 years old, choking on a tortilla chip. He is like the ultimate irony. I want to eat like 75 quarters once. I don't think that's how he'd want to go. Anyways, God, shoe nice. We should do a deep dive on shoe nice sometime. We should have him on.

He must have been like the most popular kid at his elementary school lunch table. I just googled shoe nice. Shoes nice. It's two Elmer glues. Yes, those are those are the ones that always stuck out to me. We should get him on. Should we get shoe nice on? Yeah, shoe nice is shoe nice.

I'm just going to read the most recent shoe. Nice eats three lit cigarettes. Shoes nice drinks, rubbing alcohol. Yeah, this guy is what shoe nice eats a stuffed bunny's ears. Shoes nice eats a bar of dove soap. Elmer's glue isn't that dangerous. It says non toxic. Shoes nice is a legend.

It's non toxic. Shoes nice swallows his earbuds. Oh, you don't be sick. If he swallows earbuds, then he just left the sound on. So you could hear it digesting through his eyes. Yeah, blue tooth. Yeah, he like makes a call and then you have to hear him shitting it out. Oh, my God, shoe nice.

Way to go, dude. Good to see out there doing it. All right, last one. I'm trying to get my boyfriend to dress up as you guys for Halloween, but he refuses to be big cat on PFT. Our dog is the Great Week fan. Why? Why is this? He and I love the show and he has never spoken poorly of anyone except Billy

sometimes tell him to dress up as Billy to put a Kirk Cousins dress up as me. I know that maybe put a pillow underneath and be like, uh, slap on a mustache. Yeah, just do it. Your boyfriend sucks. Wow. I don't think he sucks. I think I think she picked a said Billy sometimes. I don't know.

Maybe maybe he doesn't want to dress up like me because he knows that if he dresses up like me and then he fucks PFT, that will ruin the podcast forever. Disagree. I would fuck me. Yeah. If you guys listen, do you and the podcast better this way to go buffalo, Bill, would you fuck me or fuck me? These people, if you would like, you can sign up for our me and PFTs only fans and we'll make it not weird for you. Love you guys, Billy.

You have any closing thoughts for us? Someone asked for a poll the other day of like, how many people turn this off? Turn off Billy's closing thoughts because he said he was like, because I absolutely do out of principle. I really think we've stopped doing it. It's the easiest thing in the world. You just have one thing to talk about. Could you imagine being like, hey, 21 year old,

you have the ability to talk on the biggest sports podcast out there. And then he's like, it's a lot of pressure. No, I don't feel like it. What are you going to say to Jim Florentine today? I have no idea, Jim Florentine. No, again, the rest of Jackpot $1,500 down on the Playbar slot. Whoa. Good job, Jake.

Love you guys. We need to get Jacob Mike. I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm comingок for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, I'm coming for your love, why don't you come? sports