Pardon My Take - Joe Burrow, Musician Mike Posner, NFL Schedule Release And Mt Flushmore Of Minor Injuries

Episode Date: May 8, 2020

The NFL schedule has been released and we have hope. Notable games and a moment of silence to no Thursday night Jags/Titans (2:27 - 10:02). Earl Thomas got held at gunpoint by his wife after an orgy with his brother and Fyre Fest of the week (10:02 - 35:28). Number 1 pick in the 2020 NFL Draft Joe Burrow joins the show to talk about post draft life at his parent's house, team zoom meetings, and what Coach Duggs is doing wrong (35:28 - 54:59). Musician Mike Posner joins the show to talk about walking across the entire US, getting bit by a baby snake, the rise of his career and how weird fame was for him (54:59 - 85:40). We finish the show with the Mt Flushmore of minor injuries.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take, we got two interviews coming your way. We got number one pick in the NFL draft, 2020 NFL draft, Joe Burrow Cincinnati Bengals starting QB. And then we have musician Mike Posner. Did I say it right? Nailed it. I nailed it. Interesting interview with him. We have Firefest of the week, Mount Flushmore of minor injuries and NFL schedule release. Oh yeah. And Earl Thomas had an orgy with his brother and then his wife held him at gunpoint. That was just a minor thing that we talked about. Okay, before we do all that, pardon my take is brought to you by the Cash App,

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the Cash App from the App Store, Google Play Store today. Okay, let's go. Welcome to part of my take presented by the Cash App. Go download it right now. Use code barstool. You get $10 for free, $10 to ASPCA. Today is Friday, May 8th, and we have an NFL schedule and Hope. Hope is the most important thing. Adam Schefter and Hope. Hope is the most important thing we were gifted tonight. There are three types of reactions to seeing your team's NFL schedule comes out. 16 and L. First is, I feel like 12 and 4 is a pretty common one. If you've got a great team, you think we're going 12 and 4 because that's going to get you your division no matter what. There's 10 and 6. That's if your team finished anywhere between 6 and 10 and 10 and 6

last year, you're looking at the schedule, you're like, yeah, I can see 10 wins. And then the minimum, if you have a really shitty team, you're thinking, I can do, I can do seven and nine this year. In the hunt. In the hunt. Eight and eight. Anything is possible. In the hunt. So the schedule is here. It's just great to look at it. Oh, first thing that I noticed, by the way, the Rams logo sucks even worse than I ever, like they did the logo reveal a month ago. We all roasted it. I forgot about it. I see right away Dallas at Los Angeles to open up that new stadium on Sunday night. I don't know if you've heard, but if you follow any big J journalists who go in and out of Los Angeles, they're building a new stadium there. But man, does that logo suck their schedule

announcement video though? It was amazing. Okay. Oh, I forgot. Yeah. Schedule announcement video. It's like prom night for team official Panthers like last year. Remember when they did the old school video games? That was cool. It was with Jared and our guy Joey. Oh, it was great. Joey Molinero. Yeah. Whoa. I didn't know that he was on that. That's sick. Good for you. Joey. Shout out Joey Molinero. Go follow. Yeah. I'm looking at the at the official logo of the Rams here. I thought that it was the Chargers. My initial reaction was goddamn the Chargers have a lot of prime time games this year. What's going on with that? So the Texans at the Chiefs just kick off the season. I'm actually not that excited about this because I just think the Texans are

trash. I'm excited. Texans are trash. So the reason I'm excited about it is that every time I think I know something for sure, I'm always totally wrong about that thing. So I think that the Texans are going to stink next year and be like five and 11, six and 10. Now is the time to absolutely fade my own brain and think maybe the Texans will be frisky in week one. Super Bowl hangover. No, I don't. I just don't see it. I think I just keep reminding myself. Oh, yeah, the Texans don't have Deandre Hopkins. How the fuck did that happen? Other scheduling quirk. We have the first ever never been done Friday NFL game. When is that Christmas day? Saints Vikings. Wow. So the NFL is now saying fuck you, NBA. We're not giving you this day for free. They're fighting back and they will have

an NFL game on Christmas Day. That's going to be awesome. That I feel like was specifically done to piss Sean Peyton off. It was done to piss off the NBA more than anything because the NBA has the NBA is Christmas Day and I love the NBA and Christmas Day. But when you put out an NFL game to compete with it, it's going to be tough. I feel like that that's a good opportunity to exploit a brand new Christmas under and football, though. Yeah, I'd have to look because I don't know the only problem is I don't know if the team has their families, if they're staying at the hotels or not because it's a bigger team. Kirk Cousins is going to be so mad that he has to play on Christmas. Yeah, it's a bigger team, but that's a nice little quirk. I was like when they said when I saw that

and it said the first ever Friday game, I was like, holy shit, are we going to get a real Friday game? My favorite stories used to be how the NFL just didn't schedule Friday games because they wanted to respect high school football. I think that's true. So it's true. So it's true. That's why they do it. Yeah, it's true. In general. But another scheduling quirk here, Adam Schefter announced that the league has contingency plans in place to move the season back, move the Super Bowl back as long as like three or four weeks, maybe longer. That would mean that every game at the start of the season, every week at the start of the season that wasn't played, we get tacked on to the end of the season, which could mean that opening day could be if it's not going to be

the Texans and the Chiefs could be the Browns and the Bengals. Joe Burrow could open up the season. If it's moved back one week, if it's moved back a month, that would mean opening day would be the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and your Chicago Bears. Yes, I don't want to think about that, though. I don't want to think about moving the schedule around. Let's just think about football coming back in that first scheduled spot because I just, I can't think about that. We got to think positive, right? This is a positive day. This is a hope day. Football is going to start right after Labor Day, like it always does, and we're going to be ready to go and it's going to feel fucking awesome. I'm extremely excited. I do have hope. You know what? I laughed at this tweet from Adam

Schefter this morning. I laughed at the most of all hope. I did not. I feel hope. I felt hope. I feel, I feel hope right now. Hank, would you like to hear who the hardest and easiest schedule are? Sure. The easiest schedule, the Baltimore Ravens, the hardest schedule, the New England Patriots. Good. Wouldn't have it any other way. Okay. To be the man, you got to beat the man. I also love this hardest, easiest schedule because it all changes. Right. That's based off of teams from last year. Correct. It's based off of, well, you can look at it that way, or as our good friend Warren Sharpe would put it, you can look at it in the context of what the expected wins are in Vegas. So that's a little bit different. That's a better way to look at it

now. But that also means nothing. Completely going to change over the course of the season. I'm so excited for football. I can't wait. Yeah. I agree. Any other scheduling quirks or anything that, I mean, it's kind of weird to like go through the entire schedule. I've done it for the Bears for the whole, for the whole league. It's weird to do. Yeah. I'm pumped at the Redskins aren't going to have any prime time games. Well, zero prime time games. No, no. Thanksgiving counts as a prime. It's an afternoon game. That's still an afternoon game. We have zero night games. That counts as a prime. Okay. Zero night games. Okay. Which is awesome because I think that we've gone winless in the last four years on night games. Yeah. The Bears have four prime time games. I'm

hoping maybe one of those gets flexed out. But yeah, that's never, I just dread them. I dread them so much. The Bills have two prime time games. No, I thought the Bills had four. You're, are you, are you sure? I might be looking at Monday night football. Yeah, I think you're looking at Monday night football only because they, I'm, I just counted three off the top. Yeah, they have, they have, they have four. I love it. They have, yeah, they have a Thursday night and then a Sunday night and two Monday night games. The one thing that we should call out moment of silence for no Jags Titans Thursday night game. Tradition has been broken. Mm hmm. And that was the moment of silence for it. That, that was a game that I would look

forward to every year. Yeah, of course. The color rush, the mustard yellow. It was our, our week of atonement. I think we made a trophy at one point. Yeah, we might have made a trophy. Toilet bowl. Yeah. We did a, we did a Chris Berman for it one time. That's true. On a Friday episode. That's true. It's just really sad to not have that. Traditions are important. If it started and then we just played the toilet flushing sound, if I remember correctly, that was the entire recap. Oh, hold on, but let me, let's, let's fix this. I agree with you. Sucks. We don't have that, but we do have dolphins versus Jaguars Thursday night football. That's pretty shitty and a cool like, ooh, colors.

That's a lot of colors game. That's a cool game. The battle for Florida. The dolphins uniforms are not meant to be seen during the week. That's strictly a weekend thing. Yeah, but that's going to be, that will be a fun game. I'm going to say it right now. I'm going to circle that as a fun game week three, Thursday night football, Miami dolphins at Jacksonville Jaguars to a wearing number one. That's fun. Okay. Before we do Earl Thomas, let's do one last thing with the NFL schedule. We'll do rapid fire week one picks. I'm the hottest gambler in the world. Still, I have that crown because they canceled sports, trying to keep me down when I was eight, oh and one that one night and also like plus 20 million units the last month before the canceled

sports. Just remember that. Okay. Opening night Texans at Chiefs, Kansas City minus 10 and a half at home. Chiefs. I like that. I'm going to take that too. Next up we have New England. New England is minus six and they're playing against the Miami dolphins. Okay. And the game is I know where it is, but I'm not telling you trying to track it. It's in New England. Okay. I'll take New England. I'll take I'll take the dolphins. That's a shocker. Bella check against the rookie quarterback. I'm taking Bella check. Oh, you don't think Ryan Fitzpatrick week one starter. Nothing is gonna be to throw him in the fire. Next up we have Baltimore against the Cleveland Browns. This is in Baltimore. And Baltimore is an eight point favorite. Give me the Browns.

Hmm. I'm going to agree with you on that one. Buffalo minus five and a half at home against the Jets. Give me the Jets which by the way we've taped this twice and I just want to say I want credit for having the rat line because we had the home in a way confused at first. So PFT said bills at Jets Jets plus five and a half. I said that was my rat line of week one turns out the games at Buffalo, but I still sniffed out that rat line. Okay. Credit to you for sniff sniffing out the rat line. I've got the bills and I'm done changing the Jets before the season even starts. I don't Carolina minus one Carolina minus one at home against the Raiders. Give me the Las Vegas Raiders winning on the road. Yes, rookie coach. Yes. I'm taking the Raiders Seattle

Seattle minus one on the road traveling to Atlanta, but it's not that far east that they're traveling. Remember? Yep. Atlanta is farther west than Detroit. What's the line? Minus one. Minus one. I will take I'll take the Falcons. I'm going to take I'm going to take the Falcons too. I think they're going to be friskies. My week one strategy is just basically bet on the teams that sucked last year. Philadelphia minus six at Washington. I'll take the Eagles there. Sorry. I'm going to take the Redskins. Okay. New coach. I always I like I like to bet on new coaches. Yeah. But the Eagles you got to remember this is the only time all year that you're going to be able to bet on the Eagles fully healthy. Detroit minus one against since or excuse me against

Chicago. I will take the Bears. Okay. I'm going to take the Bears too. Indianapolis minus seven a half at Jacksonville. Can't wait to ask you guys all these the day before the season starts. So different Jags. Give me Jags. Jags are plus seven and a half at home. Let's see. Jags are plus seven and a half at home. Yeah. Jags. Yeah. I'm going to take the Jags too. Next up we have Minnesota minus three and a half and they're playing at home against Green Bay. Give me the Packers. Packers. Brett Farmer is going to be so pissed off at the start of season. Plus three and a half. The Chargers minus four at Cincinnati. Joe Burroughs debut. Give me the Bengals. I'm taking the Bengals. San Francisco minus seven and a half at home

against the Cardinals. Cardinals. Easy bet. Easy bet. Easy bet. Easy bet. I'm going to agree with you on that one. Easy bet. January Hopkins is on the Cardinals. Just a reminder. Everyone's forget about the Cardinals. New Orleans minus four and a half against Tampa Bay. Wow. The disrespect. That's at home. It's in the dome. Yeah. I'll take the Bucks there. Plus four and a half. I'm going to take some dome magic. I'm going to say dome magic at home in New Orleans. Four and a half. Dallas minus three at the Rams. Are they going to be like passing each other in records in that game? Is that going to be one of those situations? It might be. I'll take the Rams plus three at home. Yes. Yes. I'm going to agree with you on that one. Next up Pittsburgh minus three

at the Giants. This is the first Monday night game. Yeah. I'll take the Steelers. Me too. Denver minus three. The Sergio dip game. Denver minus three against the Titans. But it's in Denver. It's at altitude. Yeah. I'll take the Broncos. I'm going to take the Broncos too. If that defense is going to be ready. All right. So there goes the week one picks probably the worst segment we've ever done. But there it is. Let's just see how we do. Locks of the week. Yeah. All right. Let's get to Earl Thomas. But before that we got a quick word from our friends at Pandora. We've all been getting creative with the things we have been doing at home and Pandora thinks we deserve a great soundtrack to go along with it. Whether you're

putting on a station to pump you up before your Peloton rides and home workouts are getting in the zone for a big game like coach Dugs. There is a perfect station to find on Pandora. Pandora is great. I'm going to go off script real quick and give you guys a little tip Friday night. Friday afternoon Friday night. You've had a long week of working from home. You're trying to have your weekend still look like a weekend. Put on a little bit a chill pop or chill radio on Pandora. Ease your way into the weekend with that. Ease your way into feeling like there's some normalcy in the world with Pandora. I also been listening to radio for kids get not going in my house getting some learning going and you can do it all with Pandora. They have tons of different stations

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TV gaming consoles and more visit Pandora.com slash everywhere to learn more. Okay before we get to firefest Earl Thomas. Why what happened Earl Thomas. He okay. Where should we start. Well let's start at the start with him because he kind of he pulled an okie doke on us. Yep. He needed some PR one on one right off the bat. He tried to get out ahead of the story by going on Instagram and saying hey some stuff's about to come out between me and my wife. Stuff happened. Some stuff happened and I want you to pray for us and so everybody immediately thought Earl got in trouble. He got arrested maybe hitting his wife something like that something domestic happened which yes something domestic happened but what ended up transpiring I don't

think was anything we could have predicted. So if you have not heard the story a quick summary so that everyone's on the same page Earl Thomas got in a fight with his wife Nina. Uh his brother came and picked him up. This is an I think a regular afternoon. His brother came and picked him up to leave the house to diffuse the fight. His wife then pulled up Earl's Snapchat logged into his Snapchat got his location said oh shit Earl is with some chicks probably fucking him and his brother up at it again doing orgy shit. She then got her crew which by the way just as a side talk about ride or die to call up your friends and be like grab your knives we're gonna go confront Earl. So got her crew went to the Airbnb that they were at caught Earl and Seth.

Seth? I believe it was Seth. So no wait yeah Earl and Seth in bed with women and together and then proceeded to hold Earl at gunpoint with a unloaded gun but it actually had a bullet in there to try to scare him straight. God forbid I mean I'm actually like thank god Earl Thomas didn't die because it seems like it could have been a situation where someone accidentally fires off a gun and then they arrested Earl Thomas's wife Earl Thomas did not get arrested and seen. Safety first she took the magazine out so she was trying to be safe when she was holding a gun a foot away from his head. She didn't realize that there was one in the chamber. It was like the Tiger King situation where he's like this gun won't fire without a magazine. It turns out a can if there's one in

the chamber. So yeah she confronts Earl. We need to get a detailed breakdown of exactly what the layout of this house was. Were they in the same bed together? Were the brothers just were they blown out? Was it separate rooms? I think it was one of those Dock Antle orgy beds where it's like there can be 10 people in a bed at the same time. That has to be just remove ourselves from the situation. That has to be the coolest thing that an Earl and Seth duo have ever done together right? Like those names aren't you're not thinking like Earl and Seth we're about to fucking get down. Earl and Seth are sitting at a diner like complaining to each other about God knows what. They're not having orgies in the middle of the day at their fuck shack. I think

Earl and Seth's have definitely run from the law before. They've definitely been on the land like as fugitives together partnering up. Seth's kind of using pay phones. Earl and Seth is definitely a name that gets Earl into trouble. Not the other way around. Seth is the more wild card of two names. You throw Travis into the mix and now we're talking a real fuck up of a triumph for it. Earl on its own. Earl seems like a guy that likes to hang out in his backyard on a lawn chair, maybe have one too many, almost drowning in his kiddie pool, come back inside and sleep it off. When you add a Seth into the mix, Seth is the one that brings over the illegal fireworks and then they start blowing shit up. One thing leads to another and they start fucking. I don't think

you just subscribe to that old TV show. Yeah, I don't think Seth's gonna get down like that. No, you need to expand your Seth Horizon. Oh yeah, give me some Seth. Just Seth in general. Seth Curry, the Lamer Curry. Seth that I knew growing up. His son is gonna be a monster. But he's still the Lamer Curry. Yeah, but he married Doc Rivers' daughter. So there, Seth Curry's kid is gonna be the greatest basketball player alive. Now you're saying it. He'll be taking down the Bronnies. Bronnie Bryce Maximus. I don't, I don't think, well, here's the other thing is that Seth, I would assume if your brother's in the NFL and your brother's like,

yo, let's do some fucking, you kind of just have to do it. Like you don't get to decide like, hey, Earl, could we try this? Could we try to have sex with these women in different rooms? That's something that Earl Thomas calls the shots. He's like, I'm the NFL player. I'm the millionaire. If we're, if I say we're gonna fucking the same room, we're gonna fucking the same room. I think that Seth is, you don't have to convince Seth too much to be a wingman in this situation because it's brother. He's like, the only way that I'm gonna be able to score these hot chicks is if I'm around Earl. So he's, it's a symbiotic relationship where, yeah, if you had to draw it up and plan out your night, you probably don't go into night being like, I can't wait to have sex

with girls with my brother in the room having sex with them too. But it's a give and take where it's like, I could be having sex with more attractive women if Earl's around. I just got to bite the bullet. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I just got to bite the bullet. Not, not, that's bad choice of words. I just have to suck it up. That's another bad choice of words. I just have to deal with the fact that I'm going to watch my brother have sex while I have sex. But that's my point. And so you're agreeing that Earl is the driver here. Earl is the driver. Is the driver the orgy? Yeah, you, I looked at his scouting report. This is true. Okay. This is going to sound like Rick Riley. This is his scouting report. He can play man to man or in the box. He's a

prototypical strong safe. I think you made that up. Nope for no one in the Rocky. It's going to be a very interesting Mother's Day on Sunday. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. What do you get your mom in that situation? I don't know. And also like just like if the whole family comes over to Seth come, I don't think so. I don't think so. I think they both come. Okay, there's a Rick Riley. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't think Seth is allowed over the house on Mother's Day. It's going to be awkward. It's going to be very awkward. I just want to know more about these women who showed up with with Earl Thomas's wife, like brandishing weapons, being like, let's go fuck them up. I also need to know what type of Airbnb review they got afterwards. I want to

read. I thought Airbnb's were done. So I feel like this must be, he's got an Airbnb on deck, like at all times, kind of like Michael Irvin in the White House. He's stimulating the economy a little bit. He's just got that ready to go. Now, were they all part of the same social distancing circle? Had they been in quarantine together? Yeah, I don't know. That's the big concern. Either way, wild story, because there was a moment where Earl Thomas's career was over and then it came out and was like, wait, dude, why didn't you just say on your Instagram when you got ahead of the story that you didn't get arrested? You should have just said that. But weird story out of nowhere, Earl Thomas. Hey, stuff happens. I just want to know what, what has to happen in Earl Thomas's life

outside of getting held at gunpoint by his wife after an orgy with his brother to escalate it to the next level beyond stuff happens. I think stuff happens is just an all-encompassing term where if you can say it after this, you can say it after anything. And he's right. I mean, find a hole in his logic. Stuff does happen. Stuff does happen. But it's, it's, that is more than stuff happening. So for him to be that cool about stuff happening, you, I don't know what makes Earl Thomas be like, yo, shit went down. That's the next level. Yeah. I mean, he, he was on the field when they lost the Super Bowl at the two yard line. Yeah, that was after you see that stuff happens. That's more than stuff happens. You run over by Derek Henry. Yeah. So like you see,

shit happens. You take a stiff arm from Derek Henry and the playoffs, all of a sudden getting caught with your pants down with your little brother in the same bed. It's like, okay, I'd rather do this than get run over again. It's pretty much the Seinfeld yada, yada, yada. Like, dude, stuff happens. You got held at gunpoint by your wife. It is the new yada. That's more than stuff happens. He yada to incest. We need to figure out a different word for stuff happen, you know, a different phrase for stuff happens when it's talking about being held, almost dying because you had a, you had an orgy with your brother in the middle of the afternoon. Now, do you think that like we're going to see social distancing laws change because people are, they're protesting the

fact that they can't go to the bowling alley. Nobody's brought up the orgies yet, but you know that the orgy people are underground waiting for somebody to take a stand. People have been key. You don't stop orging because there's a pandemic. You might not something you do. You might because because you have to schedule out the orgy. And I think that there's one person in every group chat, even if it's an orgy group chat that's like, Hey, are we sure that this is the safe thing to do? No, orgy people will find a way to orgy no matter what the hell could be. The earth could be burning down. There could be an asteroid and they'll be like, we got a fucking orgy. Like we had this on the books. We have to do it. Zoom orgies aren't the

same. No, no, it's I'm confident that orgy people will in the face of a pandemic, they will keep sucking and fucking their way through it. Let's absolutely. All right. Firefest, Hank, go. I actually have multiple firefest this week. Oh, bad week. The first one is that I was ordering a rug and I was like, don't worry about it, Rhea. Like I'll order myself down a rug, picked it out, clicked by and it showed up and it's a nine foot by 12 foot. It is way bigger than I have space for in my apartment and it's so big that I literally just don't know what to do with it. So I just had this giant rug. Like we might give it to Rhea's parents, but it's like, I don't even know how we're going to get it. It's 12 feet long. So can you cut the rug though? I guess you can

always make a smaller rug out of a bigger rug. Yeah, we do have that sword here at Pickett's desk. Yeah. But yeah, I cut a rug. So that's one. And that's just one where it's like, you know, I feel like it's like, oh yeah, I can take care of it. And it's like, I probably should have just let my girlfriend order the rug because it would have come in the correct size. Did you measure? No, I didn't try to measure. No, I was just like, rug. Like, there's nothing worse than taking control of a situation and then just royally fucking it up in like a hilarious way where everyone's like, your girlfriend or your wife's like, what are you doing? And I was like, why didn't you just let me do it? And I was excited, exactly. Because I was excited about the rug.

I was like, oh, the rug's coming tomorrow, the rug's coming tomorrow, like ringing the doorbell, the rug's here. And then I was like, oh, uh, yeah, this is literally 12 feet long. Spin zone, you'll never be asked to do anything like that again. Right, correct. So at least you're off the hook. And then my other one is that I have Adam gaze eyes when I play video games. Let's see them. Seeing ghosts? It's no, it's like, I get super focused when I'm concentrated. I guess you can see that I think it's because you can see like the whites of my eyes and like the top of them. But I've seen the videos and they just bug out my eyes like bug out, like I just stare for long periods of time. And I'm like, you can blink, you know, I know, but I'm so concentrated. I don't

know what I'm doing. It's one of those things where like, I'm not thinking about what I look like when I'm playing. I'm just, I'm just focusing on the, you got to smoke more weed. And then everyone's like, dude, you have Adam gaze eyes. You smoke more weed. All of a sudden your eyes get real narrow. Yeah. Then I'm just terrible at the game though. I've been trying to, I've really, I've really been trying to get better. Good Hank. Thank you. I am too. I'm proud of you. All right. Uh, my mind's also video game related. So I, I'm developing what's commonly known as gamers thumb in both, both thumbs right now. Cause I've been playing a lot of Super Mario Kart and that game requires you to always have your thumbs activated throughout the entire race.

So like I've got this weird, like numb sensation, my left thumb, numb sensation, my right, I wake up that they're, they're sore in the morning. It's like, it's like calluses though. You just got to push through. It's tough eventually. Am I going to get a callus out of this? Yeah. There's just going to be sore for forever. No, you just got to keep like, get it permanently sore and eventually, yeah, eventually it'll become hard every time. Yeah, I'm playing with Yoshi and you know, you got to, it's pedaled to the metal every single time you play Super Mario Kart. You don't hit the break. You don't take your thumb off. So I'm dealing with gamers. Is that what it's called? That's what I've called game. I got gamers thumb going on.

It's like turf toe. Yeah. Um, we all are dealing with video game stuff. I'm getting bullied in the Twitch stream nonstop, but uh, my fire fest is I have two as well, Hank. Uh, my first is Mindy Kaling. PFTU told me about this, but Mindy Kaling, uh, tried to tweet out, she pulled a Hank as we call it in the business. Hey, uh, who has an idea? Give me recommendations for new cookware. And then like the most expensive cookware in the world to hit her up and was like, Hey, we'll send you whatever you want for free. What's wrong with that? She got shamed and now everyone's like, dude, you like, if you can afford it, don't do that. And I need to get movers, uh, in, in like a couple of weeks and now I can't do that. So I really wanted to get the best movers

in New York and I wish someone would hit me up and be like, Hey, I'll pay, but I want the best of the best, but now I can't tweet that. Classic Hank. She pulled there. Yeah. Good thing. You didn't say anything about it. Right. Because I can't ask for the best movers. Please. She mailed me a Barstool Big Cash. She mailed. She, she absolutely ruined it forever. But it's funny seeing all the replies that people being like, why don't you send me one if you're going to send one to Mindy Kaling? Right. So I'm, I'm firmly on team lodge cast iron cookware instead of luck, Russe. Okay. I also think there's a chance that that was like a pre. Oh yeah. For sure. So she, she not only got paid for it, but then she got the product. Yeah. She got paid for it. They're

like, how are we going to market it in there? And she was, she's very smart. She's very fun. She's like, Oh, I'll, I'll put out a tweet pretending like I don't have this. That's what I did with the movers. Yeah. Please still help me up. I would never do something like that. Now to take a big sip of my delicious body armor. You have your, your, your, your, your good with your amps right now. Your guitar amps. Oh, I would never do that. That was the best. Yeah. I need to do guitar amp defender defender works man. Um, okay. My other fire fest is Oh, my guy Jay Cutler is getting dragged for no reason in the, in the presses and it's bullshit and it's transparent and I'm seeing right through it. Kristen Cavallari has now had like seven stories in the last week that she's

leaked to the press. My quarterback has not said a word. He's taken the high road. If you don't see through this, if you don't see through Kristen Cavallari's fucking reality show bullshit, I don't want to know you. I am enjoying very much the body language experts, the body language translators that are all about what who's leaning in. So is if you're simping, you're leaning in and if you're a man, you're standing up straight the picture and she's the one that's leaning into you for protection. I'd also happily be a character witness in any court hearings because Jay Cutler, how could he be lazy? He's fucking training to be an Olympic handballist. Good point. Handballist. Handball. And also if he's leaning over her, he's protecting her, right? I would think if you're

taller than the person next to you, you're protecting them against bird shit, rain, all that stuff. It's also just a hilarious premise to say, uh, this guy who's made, uh, hundreds, hundred million dollars for our family who has, uh, diabetes and got the shit kicked out of him playing football for last 20 years, just wants to sit on the couch for a little bit. Even if you were lazy, I don't think anyone in America would be like, dude, how could you do that? The diabetes card is one that he could very easily play in the press. It's just crazy. The whole thing, um, I got triggered by seeing the 17th story, like I said, that she's leaking. You don't play these games in the press. Also, she, she said she wants her privacy and that has leaked

like 17 stories. She said that she wants a $5 million mansion and Jay froze the bank accounts and told her to get a job. I think, so is there any possibility that this is a publicity stunt for her reality show where they've discussed all this? No, team Jay, we've moved on. You don't think that there's a chance that she's pulling a Kris Jenner? No, she's going to try to make a reality show out of this 100%. She is going to have a reality show being like living through divorce or some bullshit, but you don't think Jay is not. You don't think that the divorce is something that they're drumming off. Stay woke. No. What do you think Hank? Hank's giving, I'm giving Adam gay size right now and me and big cat. I mean, we're

this one. We're talking E folks. We're talking E. No, she will try to make a show out of this. Jay will not be involved. I don't know. They're going to be. I would be on your side, but the fact that it's E network, which is the home of the Kardashians, I can't 100% rule it out. I believe you. I like think you're right, but I can't 100% rule it out. You guys are ruining culture in America by being woke on everything. I'd rather be too woke than too slept. Well, every time I talk about the Kardashians, that's what you guys say to me. So it's like, well, they're very much. I mean, everything is obviously planned with that. Yeah. No, I mean, Kristen probably is going to plan something. I'm like, her ratings were probably down and she was like, how can I get my ratings up?

They're like, you want to do it like the Kardashians or do you want to fucking keep getting shitty ratings? And she's like, I want to do like Kardashians. Jay, will you do this with me? No, she will have an Instagram being like, I like, please leave me alone while I go through this tough time in my life. And then in like six months, be like, Kristen, newly single, Kristen on E, going through divorce, crying on TV, being like, it was so difficult. Yeah, because you made everything public. All right. That's my rant. Let's get to Joe Burr, first pick in the draft. PFT, you got a quick ad? Before we get to Joe, I want to talk to you about my good friends at Peloton. I've been on the Peloton doing the buns of anarchy. We're riding tomorrow or today.

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So you can start your Peloton digital trial. Learn more about and start Peloton's free trial at onepeloton.com slash app. Download the app. Go to onepeloton.com slash app and I'll see you on the open road on Friday, high noon, Saturday, 2pm. Now, Joe Burrow. Okay, we now welcome on recurring guests and good friend of the program. Number one pick in the 2020 NFL draft. One one. Congratulations on that. It is Joe Burrow national champion too. We should say that Joe Burrow joining us from his parents house. Do you think that you're the first number one pick overall in any sport that is still living in their parents basement a month after the draft? Yeah, my dad likes to make the joke that I'm a 23 year old millionaire living in my parents

basement. So it's a joke. It's close to home. So how does that work? Did you get a loan that's kind of fronted you some of the money? Have you made a big purchase yet? Are you just are you waiting for everything to fall through? I'm waiting for all the money to hit. Haven't signed the contract yet. So, you know, we're just kind of waiting to see what what happens over the next three months because we really don't know. Okay. So are you sleeping in your childhood bedroom? Yeah, I am. How big is the bed? So I got it. I got it upgraded when I was in high school. So it's a it's a king size bed. Oh, but the but the room is Star Wars themed. Shut up. Yeah. How many Star Wars posters do you currently have on your wall?

Um, two, I think. Okay. Yeah. But I changed that some of the comforter was Star Wars. I think the curtains are still Star Wars. But the comforter is no longer Star Wars. You're an NFL quarterback. You like if you said that to yourself as you tuck yourselves in tuck yourself in with your your Star Wars jammies. Yeah. Yeah, I think I have. That's unbelievable. Do you have any sort of deli theme going on in your room as well? No theme, but he sent me so he sent me a like a montage of all of my touchdowns from the year. So it's like a little highlight video and it's like in this little square box that you can plug in and charge. So it's pretty sick and he wrote a little note on the back of it. So it's

pretty pretty cool. That was awesome. That's very cool. So draft night came and went. It was a weird night for all of us because we didn't know what to expect with, you know, every player was in their own homes. The, you know, all the pundits were spread across America for you. Were you planning on going to Vegas for the draft or were you planning on staying home all along? Um, I was planning on going to Vegas. I kind of wanted to stay at home all along and kind of just have it with, you know, my close friends and family. But then I decided I shouldn't pass up a free trip to Vegas where I'm going to be the number one pick. I think that would have been pretty fun. Yes. Yeah. I would agree with that big time. So what, the, how does it work now?

Like you got drafted. It's all so weird. You, you haven't even been to the facility, I assume, right? No, have not. Yeah. I'm just sitting at home about two and a half hours away. We're doing, so we had rookie mini camp last weekend. And then, you know, I think we start back up again, May 11th or something like that for, for the virtual off season. But yeah, we're not doing anything right now. That's crazy. So you're just sitting there and it's like, I don't mean to laugh, but it is kind of funny that you're the number one pick. You're a millionaire, multi-millionaire, and it's like, but your life is no different than everyone else's right now. Yeah. I've got to ask my parents if I can go to the grocery store to pick some stuff up, you know, whatever I got. It's

like I'm in high school again. I was quarantined in my house and I have to ask, ask my parents to do everything. I read some story about the chain that you were wearing on draft night. Can you talk me through what that chain was? So, yeah. So after the, the national championship game, Lil Boosie called me and he said he was going to get me a chain, you know, from, for doing what we did. And it, it got to me at Super Bowl. So that was pretty awesome. It's a, it's a pretty dope chain. Did you look at the schedule at all yet? I haven't like dissected it. Okay. Let's do that. Yeah, let's do that. Let's do it. All right. Let's do it. All right. You start the season at home against the Rams or no, sorry, the Chargers. That's cool. That's going to be a great uniform game.

I'm excited for that. Then week two, you're going to Cleveland after the game. Will you be giving back the monopoly money to Odell? Maybe I should return the favor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just be like, here you go, Odell. I've been holding on to this. I'm just going to hand it back to you. Yeah. I finally have some money so I can, I can repay you now. Yeah. It was all, it was alone all along. I'm trying to look. What are the other notable, I mean, you got to go to Philly week three. You're going to get booed, maybe shit thrown at you. Just be ready for that. On the road at the Ravens. That's going to be tough. You're going to have all those fans wearing the weird purple, black, silver camouflage pants there. Against the Colts, Phillip Rivers. So that will

be a late game, fourth quarter, like really tight game. That'll be fun to watch. This is going to be a great, nice schedules start off. You play the Bengals or not. So the Bengals play the Titans the day after Halloween. Might be a little bit of a hangover there for that one. And then you're, oh, you do have, you're making your Monday night debut week 15 versus Pittsburgh. That's awesome. Yeah. Hopefully we can be in the playoff race for that one. That'll be fun Monday night. Nothing, nothing better than that. Yes. Have you practiced listening to Renegade, that song that they play during night games in Pittsburgh to really get in your head? I don't think I have yet. I might have to go to sleep with that one on. I think that would be a good idea. Just get ahead of the game.

That's really the only, that's their secret weapon is they play a song that they sing. This is under people's skin, huh? Are you mad at all, Joe, that Chaz Kyle USC starting quarterback beat your record for most touchdown passes in a season? You know, I think Coach Judd started this season off pretty tough. So he's going to have to step it up. I think the boosters are pretty mad right now. I have a day game against FSU. We're going to run this tomorrow. So it's today now, but I'm just saying Chaz Kyle. Yeah. I think he had 65 touchdown passes. He also had 43 picks. Oh my, but no risk. Get no biscuit. How many times did he throw the ball? A lot, a lot, a lot. He had a seven pick game too. So that kind of, that kind of hurt the stats. That's,

that's rough. That's real rough. That's, that sounds almost entirely coaching. Yes. Yeah. I don't know. Scheme maybe a little, it basically was the reverse of your semifinal game against Oklahoma. Oh yeah. Yeah. How are you at video games? If you're playing like as a quarterback in Madden or an NCAA football? So I'm much better at defense. Oh, he should be a double A. Help me. Yeah. What do I do? What defense should I run? Free fire. The one with the mic and will blitzing every single time. The will comes free in the big gap every single time and you just play man to man. Okay. I like that. Back on every single point. Just say, big guy, you just started, you got to dial something up. Yep. I'm going to dial

enough stuff every single time. I like to do double safety blitz and just be like, no, no, no, no. Free fire, six man pressure. The linebacker on the right side in the big gap comes through every time. I'm telling you, that was my secret. Did anyone ever accuse you over the course of this year of neglecting your B receiver? I don't think I've ever been accused of neglecting that one. No. Okay. So you guys drafted, was it T Higgins in the second round? Yep. Did you have to reach out to them and be like, Hey, started for beating your ass so bad. There's been, there's been some occasional trash talk in the zoom meetings, mainly from the coaches. You know, we're not quite to start that trash talk with the coaches came on Saturday. Okay. They kind of open it up for

you guys. I like that. I like that. Yeah. Do you have a bunch of Bengals gear yet? I do. Yeah. They send us a bunch. And, you know, we had some from a couple weeks before the draft, you know, just in case what we thought happened was going to happen. Oh, yeah. So they told you how, so they told you that they're going to pick you no matter what? No, they didn't. But, you know, I kind of just expected it to happen. What were you, did you have any moment on draft day where you're like, what if shit just goes crazy? And I just like fall. So that's, that's the crazy thing. Like I fully expected and kind of knew that I was going number one, but that like three and a half minutes that they were on the clock was like the longest three minutes of my life. And I knew I was

going to get taken. I knew they were going to call me, but it was still super long. And I texted my guys. I was like, yo, that's the longest three and a half minutes. I can only, I can't even imagine what you guys are about to go through. Like Clyde who went 32. I was like, bro, how long did that feel? He's like in eternity. Yeah. Yeah. What was the phone call like when you finally got it? It was, it was exciting. You know, it was probably would have been more exciting if, you know, I had no idea where I was going. And, you know, it was a big surprise, but it was more along the lines of relief. You know, I'm glad this is over. Let's finally start to get back to football and instead of talking, we can get back on the field hopefully soon.

When, uh, when the Tiger King documentary came out, were you immediately like, oh, shit, everyone's going to call me Joe Exotic from now on? Oh, yeah, kind of. I actually haven't watched it yet. I'm, I'm anti animal in cage, so I'm not going to watch it. I don't think. Wait, wait, what about Mike? Let's slide. Let's slide. Let's slide. Big cat. Yeah. You know, I don't like the Tigers. Oh, not my favorite part of campus. Oh, here comes the downfall of Joe Burrow's legacy in Baton Rouge. I like this. They do treat Mike better than they treat like most humans in the United States. That's true. He gets a lot. He gets a lot of love and care, but I actually agree with you. I like that. I see your

point. Um, and it's probably for the best that you don't watch the Tiger King then because that will be, that will be very, very upset. Very sad. Yeah. Very traumatic. Yes. Yes. You can't have that. Um, do you know, I got to send you this clip. There's a guy who painted his house Bengal stripes. And I think it goes that he's, no, there was a guy who was, he's living on the roof of his house, living on the roof of his house, but there's also a guy who painted his house Bengal stripes and was like, I'm not going to change this until like we go back to the playoffs. There was a guy who's not going to stop living in the roof of his house until they want a game. Yeah. Do you know that you have like this fan base now where you're going to have to deal with

like two or three random bets a year where the person's like, I'm going to do this until Joe Burrow does this. Okay. Was that the Bengals team that he let the dude like he was sleeping at the bar or something or he was sleeping on the house coming down. Yes. That was, that was the Bengals. Yes. Well, that's a, that's a tough situation. Hopefully we can get him down. Yes. Well, he's down. No, he's down. They want to get down now. Yeah. Yeah. They want a game, but he won a game, not playoff. But I think now that he's gotten that buzz, if you don't deliver, you're going to get more and more of these people being like, I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that more, more hostage situations. Yeah. I'm going to adopt six baby tigers if Joe Burrow doesn't

win six games a year. Yeah. And my backyard's not that big. Yeah. Yeah. That's tough. That's real tough. What's, what's your haircut situation been like? Because that's one thing that has pissed me and big cat off about you is that you always look cool with that little swoop in your hair. And you know, yeah, how great my little curl is up there. You got through like the Clark Kink curl, which it's annoying because a lot of us can't do that with our hair. What's your haircut situation been like in the quarantine? So I haven't got, I, so I was living in California for a couple months right after the season. And so I got one right before everything shut down and I haven't got one sentence. So that was back in early March. So it's been a while.

Yeah. You're going to look like a hippie. Yeah. My dad, my dad is not happy. Yeah. My dad, my dad is not a fan of the long hair. Has he suggested that maybe he could cut your hair or get your mom to cut your hair? No, no, he doesn't suggest that, but he's, he's trying to get me to go to his guy here in Athens, Ohio. I don't know about that one. I had one last question. I went to your Twitter and you retweeted yourself getting buckets in high schools. Oh yeah. How, he looked a little slow, not to like say anything mean, but like how, how many, how many buckets did you actually get? You actually do have a sick shot, which isn't really, wait, did you dunk? No, you didn't dunk. Yeah. I didn't dunk in that video, but I could dunk. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. You didn't

dunk in this video, but you did get buckets. Were you, how good of a basketball player were you when you played in high school? I had a few offers coming out. Really? Yeah. Not a lot of, I mean, I was playing football and everyone knew it, but you know, my freshman and sophomore year, I was, you know, getting lightly recruited to play basketball. And, you know, for a while, I thought I was going to go to a smaller school and play both. I think that would have been a lot of fun. Yeah. Totally sick. Do you have anything to say about Urban Meyer? Because he went on Colin Coward show and Coward confronted him with the fact that he didn't recruit you to play at Ohio State. Do you think that Urban Meyer made a mistake in not recruiting you to play OSU?

Oh, man. Yeah. People are funny. People like to not do all the research that they can on some subjects before they talk about it. Not us. We just go through your Twitter timeline. Yep. I just looked at it right there. There you go. Yeah. It's perfect. Well, this has been fun. Thank you for joining us as always. Good luck on, I don't know what even you say, like, what's the next step? So you have your virtual minicamp. What is virtual minicamp? It's basically just installs. So, like, we went through day one install for three days over Zoom. And then, you know, we're just going to, it's just installing a playbook starting May 11th again. Super weird. So day one install, but three days.

Yeah. You guys sound slow. Yeah. You know, we spread it out a little bit so we got all the information in. We got plenty of time to do all the Zoom meetings so we make sure we got all the information in. Okay. Did they send you, like, virtual reality goggles so you can take, you know, 3D reps? No, that'd be sick. That'd be sick. They should do that. You should just watch Coach Doug's and I'll teach you a thing or two about football. You know, I watched about 15 minutes of it last night and so you had the ball down sticks with, like, three minutes left. Yeah, I panicked. You threw a post into a cover one safety. Yeah, I panicked. Yeah. Well, in my defense, everyone was calling my starting running back Ricky Squeaks, Ricky Buttcheeks and that got my head.

Oh, and I saw the video of the last play and you choked on that one too. Which one was that? Oh yeah, when I choked and I was like, I'm just going to run for it and I was, everyone was open. And you had, you had the running back on the wheel out of the backfield wide open and then you had Y on the shallow cross wide open on the scramble drill and you decided to take a sack and throw the ball into the dirt. All right. Well, I'm going to go to an O tomorrow so I don't, maybe you tune into that one. Okay. I'm going to go to an O tomorrow. Do you have a photographic memory? Something like that. Yeah. It was a, it was a, something, if you know how to play football like Joe does, it was something you'll never forget because it was not bad. So do you want to

know the secret to NCAA football 14? Yes. Just call, just so free fire on defense and then call four verticals every single play. And if the corners are playing off, just change it audible to a stock and you get completion every single time. Okay. So I, I, I agree with you for verticals every time, but then you have to factor in the fact that if I run the same play multiple times, I have the entire Twitch chat stream calling me a fraud calling me dinking dugs, just a lot of names and it gets in my head. And then I'm like, fuck it, I'll do something different. And then I throw okay. See, that's, you might not be cut, be cut out to be a head coach then. This interview is over. This interview is over.

No, it's true. I mean, he's, he's doing a good job question. You don't get these questions in Lubbock. You get the softballs from the media. This interview. Yeah, they just lob them up to you and you knock them out of the park. This interview is over. I'm going to go take the Ohio State job and cut you. Joe, I'm not going to ask you. You're not going to get the Ohio State job if you're going six and six over there in Lubbock. Depends how bad the sanctions are. Maybe. I'm not going to ask you to incriminate yourself or LSU. Like we may or may not have done after the national championship victory, but I heard that you had a run in with Carl Malone after the game. What was that about? So it wasn't after the game. So we have, so this is our last Friday

walkthrough. And the last thing we do before we walk off the field, we do these jump, the, these jump balls, you know, they play the, the house, high school basketball, they play that little boxing ring tape and the crowd starts going crazy and they play jump around and all that. So we get in a little circle and it's something that somebody knew every week. And before the national championship game, it was Drew Brees and Carl Malone doing the jump ball. And when it, when it got jumped, five people jumped on Carl Malone's back to let Drew Brees get the jump ball and everyone started going crazy. It was, it was funny. That is crazy. I, he looked like, he looked like Santa Claus that night. He had that huge beard and he's just a beast of a man.

Nobody recognized him. We just saw this tall, super tall human with a giant, you know, rural Louisiana beard. Uh-huh. Yeah. And then, and then they called, I called out Carl Malone to get in the middle of a circle and we were like, oh, that's him. That's him. Double dynasty. All right. Well, Joe, thank you so much. Tune in tomorrow. Doug's redemption. I'm going to fucking dominate. So don't you worry. Yeah, we'll see. All right. Thanks, man. Thanks, man. Yep. That interview with Joe Burrow was brought to you by Roman. If you've been dealing with acne, redness, dark spots or wrinkles, finding treatment that works can be complicated.

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Go to getroman.com slash barstool for a free online visit. Start your new skincare routine today. That's getroman.com slash barstool. Getroman.com slash barstool eligibility requirements and additional terms apply. And now, Mike Posner. And now for something completely different. Okay, we now welcome on very special guest. He is a musician, recording artist, also a man who just completed a trip that we have to get into. It is Mike Posner. Mike, thank you for joining us. Posner. Posner. You said it wrong. Posner. I wrote it down too. I actually wrote it down. Mike Posner. P-O-H-Z-N-E-R. And I still fucked it up. Posner. And I still, you know when you do that, when you, when you say something over and over in your head and then you just fumble right

at the goal line because you're like, all right, I knew it, but then I fucked it up. It's all good. I'm just giving you a hard time. It doesn't bother me at all. So what's up, man? Thanks for having me on. Yeah, it's good to have you on. Let's start with the trip because you walked across the country. I did. Yeah. Why? Well, the real answer is I just wanted to be somebody I was, I was actually proud of. I wanted

to become somebody I was, I was actually proud of. And so a lot of people say, oh, you did that for a cause or something. Not really. I wanted to do it. I wanted to be, look back on myself and, and be proud of myself. And, and I feel that now when I think about the journey I remember doing it. I don't think about it every day, but when somebody asked me about it or something, and man, yeah, I fucking did that, you know? And so it gives me a lot of confidence in my life because it's really hard. It is horrible, you know? My body felt horrible, but I did it anyways. And so it gives me a lot of confidence and fulfillment and pride going forward in my life, knowing that I did that really hard thing that I wasn't sure I could do. And so it changed my life

in more ways I could say, but that's, that's, I hope I answered your question. No, it definitely answered my question. I had one follow up though with it. It sounds crazy and I'd love to learn about the logistics. Was there a part of you though that was a little disappointed that you didn't get like the publicity for it until you almost died? I got some publicity before. I would be on the news and stuff sometimes, but yeah, that was really interesting, you know? It's like, man, you get all these followers, like people want you to do guest appearance on their show and stuff. Like all you had to do was almost die. I literally made that, that same joke to my manager stuff. So that's when I found

out about it. Yeah. That was Jay almost died. And I was like, Oh shit, he's walking across country and credit to you. I learned that baby snakes are actually more dangerous than grown adult snakes. That's right. That's right. I think it was Jay Z said controversy sells, but it ain't like that. Baby snakes, they don't know, they don't know well enough to not use all their venom on you, right? So they just shoot you the fuck up. They literally don't know when to stop coming. So they just do it all in you. Yeah, it's a whole game week for those baby rattlesnakes. When you got bit by a snake, they give you the whole load. Yeah, they give you the whole load. Did you, were you like, Oh, this is bad. Did you know right away, like this is going to be bad?

No, so the thing bit me. I knew right away. I was, I got bit by something. And so it just is, you know, this is all happening real fast, but just a slow motion, you know, it's like, I got bit my ankle. I felt this pain. And I had the thought. I wonder what, I wonder what that was. And right after I had that thought, I heard, heard the rattle. So I said, you know, I was with a couple of guys at times, I just got bit by a rattlesnake. And it, you know, it's, it hurt, but it didn't hurt that bad, actual bite. So I'm just sitting there and I'm in the middle of nowhere at the time. We look at our phone, no service. So one of the guys I'm with, he runs a little bit, he gets a bar

and he calls 911 and the lady's like, yeah, so I send an ambulance from the town you came from in the town you're headed towards. So it's two ambulances coming towards you and a helicopter, whatever gets there first, get in it. And I'm sitting there, you know, I'm kind of joking around the guys around me a little bit nervous and I'll try to keep the mood light. And it didn't hurt that bad, but then about five, 10 minutes pass and the poison started to go through my body, I guess went to my brain and just felt like the, you remember Looney Tunes where go the smaller like this and that's all folks, it felt like that it was just darkness getting closing in. And, and I just felt like I was fading now. And it kind of happened like that and I snap out of

it. I was like, I wake up and then I realized like, you know, this ain't a fucking beast thing. And you know, like you could maybe die today. And I asked the lady on the 911 day, am I gonna die? She said, I don't know. Can't tell you that, sir. So I just, I waited, an ambulance came, they took me to the hospital, basically gave me all the anti-venin they had. And then I used it all up. So they put me in a chopper to another hospital where they had more, more of that medicine. And I thought, you know, you get that anti-venin. I thought I'd be back walking the next day. But it was a much bigger deal than that. My legs swole up, you know, super big and I couldn't, I couldn't even get to the walk to the bathroom. You know, I was walking 24 miles a day at that

point. I couldn't walk to the bathroom. They gave me a walker and stuff. I was in the hospital five days. Then I went home to Michigan and healed about another two weeks, just did all the PT. It got to the point where I was walking like eight miles at home. And I said, all right, it's time to go back out there. That was actually the hardest part. People say, oh, that must have been the hardest part. You got bit by a snake. That was the easiest part because I was in the trenches, you know, it was August. It's hot as fuck. I'm out there sweating every day all alone. Hard to sleep at night because it's so hot. And then I get bit by a snake. I'm in air conditioning. There's nurses around, you know, it's like, I have a nice bed. That was easy. What was hard was

when I got better and I'm at home and everyone's fucking spoiling me. Like you said, all of a sudden it's Mr. Popular because I almost died. And I got to come to grips with myself and say, hey, motherfucker, you're better. You know, it's time to stop letting people cook dinner for you. You got to go back out there and finish what you started. And so, you know, that to me is the only real point of this story is that I got my ass back on a plane flew to Colorado. I'm sitting there flying over these states looking like I walked this whole fucking way. Like I walked longer than this flight. And so then I get off the plane almost like I'm going to a way game, man. I got a hoodie on after that plane. And I go back to the same spot that that fucker bit me. And I walked a thousand

more miles to finish my journey. So that's kind of fucked up that the dispatcher didn't tell you you're going to live. Like what's the harm in telling you you're going to live even if you end up dying? I actually disagree with you, man. Like if you don't know, I think I think if someone's, if I'm going to die, I want to know the truth. You know, most people do not die from snake bites in America. We have the medicine and the infrastructure to get people to the medicine. But occasionally they do if they're in a really remote place like I sort of was, you know, but if you're up way high on a mountain, you're six miles into a hike, you know, you get bit by one of those things and and you don't have service like you're fucked, man. So this may be a fucked up

question, but let's just say you did die and you got buried in Detroit. How many, how much would that song blow up and like make your family money after the fact? Like you have to at least think about that. You've given your family a really nice going away present to be buried in Detroit. And everyone's like, oh, dude, the song buried in Detroit is awesome. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know how big it would get in my death, you know, but that would have been a great time to fake your own death. You haven't had a good fake death for a while. Just like pull the wool over America's eyes for two weeks, get to the top of the iTunes charts and then be like, hey, I'm back. Thanks for the money. Yeah, but if people would be so mad, your career would be over after that. Yeah,

maybe. Did you, did the thought occur to you? Maybe we should do the thing where we just suck on the wound and spit the blood out because that works. Yeah, we asked all about that. You're not, you're not supposed to do that. It's like an old thing. But the thing is they don't have that much research on, on snake bites because you can't, you can't just like, you know, get a bunch of people bit by snakes and treat them all different ways. It's a pretty rare thing. I think 8,000 a year in the US. So they don't, some, they know anti-venom works beyond that. You know, some people say, they used to say, try a tourniquet so the venom doesn't get up. Now they say don't do that because the poison just sits in wherever you got bit and you get necrosis. So they don't have a lot of,

a lot of research on what exactly to do beyond the anti-venom works. You know, get that, get as fast as possible. So when you're on the road, when you're, when you're doing this walk across America, you said you're walking 24 miles a day. That seems like a lot. Were you writing songs at the time? Did it help you creatively? I, you know, I expected I was going to be writing a ton and I actually didn't write much at all. Maybe a few ideas here and there, not even full songs, just melodies and stuff. Sometimes I'd just be struck. It may sound corny, but how, by how beautiful the birds and everything would sound around me. And I would just record, record that with my phone. So I have all these recordings, like voice notes of like Delaware, not Delaware, I didn't walk

Delaware, Pennsylvania, Missouri was a crazy one, Kansas, Colorado, etc. And I use these in my songs sometimes. Sometimes it's inaudible. I'm talking about the songs I'm making now. You know, I'm making songs right now all the time. But sometimes I put them in there and sometimes I just turn it down all the way. You can't even hear it, but just the feeling is in there. So I'm curious, your career is fascinating to me because you had obviously the rise and then it feels like you've had moments where you've been very open about the trappings of fame and resisting that. What, at what point were you like, go from I'm grinding, I'm grinding, I'm grinding, I want to be a hit to realizing, oh man, maybe this isn't everything that I want. I think probably after

probably after first hit, you know, I thought, I really thought I would feel more secure with myself having attained the success I wanted in my life. You know, I was always like, have my heroes that have platinum plaques and stuff. And I thought once I get that, I'll feel better about myself because I'll be proud of it. And what I noticed was, you know, I was making more money, more popular, I was having more sex, but my experience of life really, really was exactly the same. It wasn't worse. It wasn't better. It was just the same. And I thought in my head in my dream that I would get this success, this popularity and I would be happier. I'll be more secure as a human. I just wasn't, you know. And so

there was a large amount of disillusionment that went along with that. And ever since then, I feel like I've had the privilege to be able to ask, okay, if not that, then what? What are we doing here? What am I doing here? And that's what my life has been about really the past eight years. I feel like my fans have gifted me the opportunity to go explore and ask those questions. And I just report back what I learned. Your rise was kind of interesting too. Before you got there, when you were down at Duke, you figured out a way to game the iTunes system before anybody else really did the way that your mixtape popped up on iTunes. Can you explain kind of how you were able to do that? Yeah, you did a deep dive. Where are you from, man? I'm from the East Coast. So I went to

school in Virginia. And I remember when you were coming up because like, I told you, I'm 35. Okay. So iTunes, it was just lectures. I went to James Madison. So basically, iTunes at the time had created this section of iTunes called iTunes U that was designed for professors to put their lectures up for free. So, you know, maybe a professor from your school at James Madison, they do, they do, of course, a lecture on whatever macroeconomics. I'm at Duke, I can pull it up and and watch it and learn. That's what it was designed for. Well, so each school had had somebody that would was in charge of their iTunes U. And at Duke, it was a guy named Todd Stabley. And so I hit him up. And Todd Stabley, he happened to be from Southfield, Michigan,

which is where I'm from. It was a huge catalyst for people hearing my music. So Todd Stabley, he put my mixtape a matter of time on there. And I just would send the links to all my homies. I was in fraternity at the time. All my brothers, they sent the links out to their friends. There were different schools. I sent the link to the iTunes link to all my friends that I went to high school with. There were other schools. And before I knew it, I was sort of like the underground king of every college in America, like not not super famous, but I could, you know, I spent the next year or two playing damn near every college in America. And people would know the words to that mixtape and just spread like that. The song took a pill in Ibiza. What pill was it?

I honestly don't know. So the story with that is I had that first hit. It was my song Cooler Than Me that I recorded at Duke. It became this big hit all over the world. I'm going all over the place. And I thought I was never going to end. I thought, because it was my first single, I thought, oh, that's just what happens when I put out singles. They're fucking gigantic, you know. And each time I put out after that was kind of like a little bit smaller. And then eventually my career just kind of ground to a halt, man. My record label shelved me. So I was still making all these albums, but they wouldn't put them out because they just didn't, you know, my everything was trending downward and they couldn't justify spending the marketing money

and paying all the producers when they didn't think they would get a return. And so, you know, there's still a huge hole in my career. If you go in my discography, my first album is 2010 and my second one is 2016. There's a huge hole in there, but I made two albums, but they're just sitting on my fucking laptop. I haven't been able to release them. Release them. I don't own them. That label owns them. Release them on the podcast right now. Yeah. That's a good way to get sued or your podcast, at least going to get taken. Are there any, are there any like certified like, I, you know, there's a hit on there that's just sitting there? No, there were hits. There were, the song Boyfriend that I end up selling to Justin

Bieber was on there. Okay. Okay. That's a hit. Yeah. And then the song Sugar that I end up selling to Maroon five because they're on different labels. They were on there. So yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There were, there were definitely hits. Yeah. But anyways, so I'm just kind of sitting there like, look, you see what's happening, right? Like these songs are dope. But at the same time, it's a business. I understand it. Anyways, my career is as, as I'm ice cold. I'm ice cold, man. I'm sitting in my house. I made a few million bucks and my schedule is empty. And I'm just sitting there like, what the fuck do I do now? What the fuck do I do now? And I just realized, man, I still love making music. I still do this day. I wish you could see all my gear set up on my

microphone. I just record the same way on this computer as I did at Duke. I just love this shit. But Avicii Tim is one of the things I really like loved about him is he didn't give a fuck where you were on the charts. Like if he liked your music, he liked your music. He wanted to work with you. So he actually sent me, he sent me levels. You guys know levels, right? He sent me levels like years before that when Kourdemy was out. And he was like, it was just the instrumental. He didn't have the sample yet. And he said, you know, he wanted me to write a song to it. I wrote a few songs to it. They weren't that good, honestly. I didn't knock it out of the park. So he didn't use them. And, uh, and he ended up putting them, well, sometimes I get a good feeling. Anyway,

so that's how our relationship started. But now I'm ice cold, but he didn't care. So he said, man, I want to work with you for my next album. Come, come to Stockholm. So I flew over to Sweden. And like I said, I had nothing else to do, man. So I was like, you know, we had, I think two, three days in the studio. I was, I'm not flying all the way there for just two, three days. I'll hang around, like explore Sweden a little bit. And I knew he had some shows coming up in Ibiza. So in the back of my head, I'm like, yo, he'll probably let me come to the shows, you know, if I ask. So the studio, my young car rolled to the show in Ibiza. Next one, he was like, yeah, yeah, for sure, man, just meet us down there. We'll take care of you. So I went down

there like the day before. I was just alone, man. It was like the most depressing, like, you don't go to Vegas alone, right? No, it's like, you don't go to Ibiza alone. I went to Ibiza Lomson. Everybody's having fun out there. I'm just, it was very, it was very depressing, man. And he gets there the next day. He has his big gig. And he started playing and there's a million people there. And, and he played this song that we wrote the few days before in the studio. It's called Stay With You. It never came out officially, but you can, you can find like bootlegs online if anyone cares. And I was real jealous, man. It was when I still drank. I haven't drank for like seven years. I've drank, drank about seven,

eight years ago. But at that time, I was still drinking. I was drunk. And I look up there, I was just so sad. They playing my song and Tim was up there killing it. I just wanted to be up there, man. And it was, it was over for me. Like my, my chance. That's the line. Like, I'm just a singer who already blew his shot. Like, that was my real life, man. You know, people, it's a, you know, become this song that people have joy to and that's great. But this shit was really real for me at that time. And it's not a good feeling. And so I just kind of walked like wandering around the audience, man. Like with my hand playing my song and, and then these guys came up to me and they say, you might pose me. Yeah, exactly. And in this

sort of perverted way, I felt better that like somebody recognized me, which I'm not even proud to say, but that's how I felt. And like I was very drunk and they had this plastic bag and they were like, man, you want one of these? I was like, yeah, fuck it. And I took just, I just took it. I didn't even know what it was. And I felt high. And then the next day I felt like death. That's why I saw I say when I finally got sober felt 10 years older. And human, that's the, that's really the story. It was, it was a very stupid thing to do in hindsight. It's like be drunk and then take some drugs from a stranger, you know, but that's what I did. And, and that was really the despair from which I wrote that. So I didn't write this song for another, I think two, two, three years

after that, when I sort of had some context in my life about what that meant. And I just thought it was interesting. You know, everybody wants to talk about how their rise to the, to, to fame and how to kill either, you know, 90% of the songs, I either talking about how the person's blowing up or how they blow, they're blowing up and they're fucking killing it right now. And I wasn't, man. I was on the other side. I had blown up, was killing it. And now I wasn't killing it anymore. And that was really interesting to me. I thought I'll write a song about that. And so I did when that comes out. And it's like a song of the summer, so to speak. Is that a really cool feeling when you go around and you see people are like, this is what's making people happy.

They're partying to this. They're having a great time because there's something about summertime music that just hits different than all other music. And it's something special. Yeah, it was, it was, it's always cool, man. You know, now I was pointing my career where I have I think five or six platinum songs, really two of them been mine. And then I've written, like we talked about some for other people. It's always cool. And, and I'm a writer, man. Like Jay-Z said, I'm not a writer. I'm a writer for myself and others. And so, you know, in the last two weeks, I've written like 20 songs. So you never know which one's going to be popular. You know, and it's just, it's just interesting. It's a blessing. It's cool. It's like,

less than 1% of the songs I write are hits like that. And you just, it's, you just be happy for it. You know, it's interesting because sometimes you're like, really, that one, that's the one that's going to get popular. Okay, okay, you know, but yeah, it was, it's really cool, you know, for, for me to take my despair, my sadness at that time, like I just talked to you about and create what I think is something beautiful out of it. That's what art is supposed to be. And then if somebody can get joy out of my despair, I really did my job. That's a holy grail for artists. You know, you, you, you know, like my friend NQ, the poet says, yeah, that's alchemy. You turn a suffering into happiness. I turn my suffering in someone else's happiness.

That's, that's a beautiful thing. And yeah, I'm proud of this. It's great. Yeah. When you're growing up, were you a pretty good basketball player? No, I wish, man. You're a good AAU team though, right? Me? Yeah. Weren't you on a good AAU team? No, no, I wish, man. I wish. I didn't play AAU. I play up to JV. I was very short. I didn't grow until I was like 18, really 19. And man, basketball is a big fucking deal where I, where I grew up, you know, like it was like social capital. You know, it's like, you didn't really matter as much if you were like good looking and more matters, like you could hoop, like you were cool, you know? And so I loved basketball. You know, I used to

sleep with my boss if I was not very good though. So you get to Duke and at the time that you're at Duke, the team's pretty good. Obviously Duke basketball is a major thing. Were you running the same circles as a basketball team as like the only cool, like 10 people on campus? Well, they kind of helped me, helped me start my career, you know? So I went to the, I went to school with like Nolan Smith, John Shire, Kyle Singler, Gerald Henderson. Those guys are all kind of my age. And they were, they were so supportive of me, man. I was just, I was just a short little Jewish kid, you know, making this shit in my dorm room. I don't consider myself a cool person. I wasn't then. I just like, I like doing my, doing my art, man. And I started to put the stuff out.

People always ask, like, you know, was it crazy for you on campus? People like, look at you like a star? No, because I was, I was, I went to school there three years at this point. And the kids, they're starting my whole career, including the basketball team. So it was through them, they shared the music with their other friends. And I go to other schools and kind of, I guess, my reputation got bigger than myself. And so it would kind of be that vibe when I go someplace else. But at Duke, everybody already knew me two, three years. And it was just a really beautiful time. I was, I signed a record deal after my, my junior year, came back for my senior year. I just kind of had two lives. I'd go to school during the week. And then on Thursday, Friday, Saturday, I'd get on

planes. I'd hit usually three different colleges playing at first frat parties. And then as my career progressed, like the schools themselves have booked me. And I was just tour managing myself. I did everything. The whole show is myself. I DJ for myself. And I come back to school and do it again, man. I found an old Rolling Stones article you did 10 years ago. Oh, 25 things you don't know about Mike. That's why I wanted to bring it up. That's why I want to bring it up because I want to see what changed. So we're just going to go rapid fire. I mean, a couple of these haven't changed. You still have two middle names, I assume. So we'll just go rapid fire. I want to hear what has changed. You said, I'm scared of dogs that bark loudly. Yeah, I had to get over that shit on the

walk though, bro. I had dogs chasing me and stuff, you know. Okay. I was carrying dog spray and I had to fucking dog spray a couple of them. What goes into dog spray? It's just air, right? Yeah, there's the air that you can blow and dogs are like, Oh, never mind. No, I don't know. I think it's more than air. Okay, dog spray. Okay. Superman is whack. Do you still think Superman's whack? I don't think I have such a strong opinion on the matter anymore, but I know where I was coming from. Like as far as superheroes, he kind of just had every power. So it's kind of like lame to me. Yeah, that's fair. You said I do not own a television. Yeah, that's still true. Well, there's one I'm renting this place and there's a TV here, but I don't watch TV. I never have since

since I left my parents house. Wow. Yeah, I just missed a lot of like culture. What do you do? I mean, I watch some stuff on my computer and stuff, but I make music. I make music, you know. So I figure if I get a TV, I'm going to use the fucking TV if I get it. And I don't I don't want to. I want to make more music. I don't want to watch more TV. You know, it's not a goal of mine. Okay, here's another one. My favorite animal is the white tiger. Is that still sir? Yeah. Okay, that's good. It says I do not carry a cell phone. Do you still not have a cell phone? No, I have a cell phone. All right. That's a good change. That's a good too much. I wish I didn't need to get rid of that thing. Good Lord. Your favorite movie. Is it still Donnie Darko?

No, probably not. That's a big college movie. Yeah. Yeah, I used to have Donnie Darko. I was like I thought I was cool when I got my record. I bought a Donnie Darko chain and had like ice in it. I got it. That is cool. It's kind of hard. Yeah. But I don't know what my favorite movie is now, man. The last one I have is you said I only wear black socks. I don't wear some white socks. No, man. Yeah, so you're evolving as a human. Yeah, for sure. My last one is that you have a big crush on Natalie Portman. Is that true? No, I did then. She's a grown woman. She's married now. I think that's kids. Okay. Let that one go. Yeah. Let that one go. Nice. Nice. Well, this has been awesome, man. We really appreciate you joining us. Thank you guys so much. Thanks, man. Stay safe.

Appreciate it, Mike. Be well, man. Take care yourself. See ya. That interview with Mike Posner was brought to you by the Barstool Sports Store. They've got you covered as we stay the fuck home from coffee mugs, sweatpants to a custom Barstool deck of cards. The Barstool Sports Store has it all to keep you comfortable and entertained. Go to store.barstoolsports.com and shop now. Okay, let's finish up with our Mount Flushmore. By the way, we are going to get back to documentary reviews next week. Let's just say this right now so that we don't miss it. We're going to do Ronnie Coleman, the king. So you can watch it on YouTube, Google Play, Netflix, Amazon Prime. Ronnie Coleman, if you don't know Ronnie Coleman,

he's a legend of the game. Lightweight. Ain't nothing but a peanut. He was, I think, Mr. Olympia, whatever that thing is, basically the strongest guy ever. Was that what? Was it a strongman competition or is he a bodybuilder? He's a bodybuilder. So all-time hilarious guy. He was a YouTube phenom back in the day. And I think he had some health issues. So it's kind of a serious retrospective thing. But I think there'll be also some funny moments and things. Yeah, Mr. Olympia, eight times. The McDonald's guy? No, Ronnie Coleman. What? He like eight McDonald's every day or something. I don't know if he's the guy who says, lightweight. Everyone wants to be a weightlifter, but nobody wants to lift that heavy-ass

weight. I guess I'll find out if that's what I'm talking about when I watch a documentary. So watch it next Friday. We're giving you a full week. Watch on Netflix. Ronnie Coleman, the king. All right, let's finish up with Mount Flushmore. Also a note, we have an awesome interview coming Monday after the last dance. We have Tim Grover, who I think is featured heavily in episodes seven and eight. It is Michael Jordan's trainer, long-time trainer for like 15 plus years. So we have an awesome interview coming with him on Monday. Get ready for that. Mount Flushmore of injuries. No, minor injuries. Minor injuries. So obviously, decapitation would be on the Mount Flushmore of injuries. But we're talking like minor inconveniences here. The worst minor

injuries. Yeah. All right, am I going first? And then you're going first on Hank. All right, I'll just go with the with the basic bitch answer, but it does suck beyond belief. Stubbing your toe. Stubbing your toe is the fucking worst. There's just nothing worse than you. And you know that two seconds where you stub your toe and you haven't gotten the pain yet, you're like, this is going to be bad. And then it happens. The follow up injury to stubbing your toe, which almost makes it worse is you have to like bend over and take a look at your toe later. And that sucks. Yeah. And you just like, and you walk with a little limp and it's also not something anyone can, when you stub your toe, no one's like, oh man, I'm so sorry. They're like,

you're an idiot. You don't know how to walk. Or if you get, yeah, you stub your toe so bad that your nail like starts to fall off and you have to. That might be major. That might be major. Yeah. There's nothing you can do, but you can go to the doctor and they're going to be like, there's nothing I can do. So that means it's not major. It's just like, oh, just wait three weeks and watch your toe turn purple. And then the nail's going to fall off and it's going to look like a disgusting like baby for another three weeks till it comes back. All right. Just anything with nails in general just creep me out. Yes. Dropping your phone on your face. Did that happen often? No, but I mean, it's, it's,

whenever it does happen, it's like the most embarrassing thing because you're usually super, super lazy and you're just lying and your phone's directly above you. And it like will either hurt your tooth or like hurt your nose where you're hitting the nose. You want to cry and you're just like, I'm a the latest piece of shit and I'm clumsy and so it's bad. That's a combination of not only is your face hurt, but your pride's hurt because it's like the dumbest way to hurt yourself. Exactly. Exactly. Because I just triggered another one in my mind. I have, I could go like 10, 10 rounds deep in this. All right. 50 or two. Okay. Getting the wind knocked out of you. Okay. It's awful. It's just a terrible feeling and there's nothing you can do to fix it. You just

have to wait and look like an idiot and breathe deeply. It doesn't even go into the fart stance. It doesn't even really hurt that much. It's just like everyone looks at you and you're like, oh, is that guy dying? You know, I just got hit. Can't breathe. I accidentally didn't catch a basketball that was passed to me. Yes. The second one is the jam finger. It is the cousin of the stubbed toe. If you're playing a sport, you jam your finger. You can't use that hand for the next probably 15 minutes at 100%. It's just annoying. It's one of those where you look at it and you're like, this is going to suck because it's going to swell up. It's going to turn purple. It's going to look weird and it's all because I didn't know how to catch something. The jam finger is really bad and

then even, even going deeper into the jam finger, the 16 inch softball jam finger is especially bad. So in Chicago and I think in Milwaukee too, 16 inch softball, no gloves and it's, if you get, like guys will literally have fingers that are just look like Isaac Bruce. Yeah. Or yeah. I just mangled everywhere because they've played softball. Burning your hand with oil while you're cooking or like bacon, like bacon grease or whatever where it just pops out of the pan and lands on your hand and it just, like when you shower, running under water, it burns really bad. If you had a Lodge Cookware cast iron, that wouldn't be a problem for you Hank. Lodge Cookware, the number one brand in cast iron cookware. Good one Hank. I can't believe this one actually

is a cast iron. Those are just big. It's just like 300 pounds. Yeah. It's something that your grandmother gives you and she's like, you can use this pan for a hundred years. It's the thing you burn your hands on because you try to grab it and you don't realize that the whole thing is a pan. Yep. Sucks. I don't have one. But the cool part about cast iron, the way to clean it is you boil water on it and it's cool to watch. Yeah. You don't put soap on it. Yeah. It's very cool. But then you also have to like rub oil on it afterwards and then get it hot. It's a lot of maintenance. Yeah. Once you turn 30, you start baking bread and seasoning your cast iron pans. It gets weird. All right. I can't believe this one lasted, but the nut shot getting hit in the nuts is,

I mean, it's the worst. There's no worse feeling than the minor injury of getting hit in the nuts. And then even worse kind of is when like getting hit the nuts is getting hit in the nuts. It's worse when you get like slightly tapped in the nuts and then you know it's going to set in like 25 seconds. Same as the stubbed toe. Yeah. Where you're like, all right, this is fine. This is fine. Oh, it's not fine. And then you'll have that, you know, when you get hit in the nuts, you're fine but you have that uncomfortable feeling in your nuts for like probably eight hours where you're like, you go to pee and you're like, am I going to pee blood? You're never peeing blood, but it always sucks. Yeah. It's also one of those injuries where when it happens, you've got everybody that

witnessed it laughing at you. Yeah. So it's even worse. It's like, I'm in an excruciating amount of pain. Everyone knows it, but it's still really fucking funny. Yes. Yes. All right. My third pick is going to be hung over knees when you get a really bad hangover and your knees are achy and your legs are achy and that like achy that you get in your body from a hangover. To me, that's the neck. Okay. So I guess I'll say hangover aches. So it's everywhere. Okay. Whatever your body has that is like specific to a hangover, that injury sucks. I've heard ankles, I've heard knees, I've heard, you know, necks, arms, whatever. Just your body's like, yo, dude, you fucked up real bad. You drank too much. And now we're going to punish you. Do you think it's because of like you exert

yourself a little bit more when you're drunk? Or is it because you sleep funny? I always thought that I slept funny at night. That's why my neck felt weird in the morning. Then I think there's the knees I get just from I don't it's probably just lack of like fluids. But there is something to be said about waking up and having a very specific injury and knowing that it was something you did. That describes my broken foot. Yeah. I will go with when you're taking a shit in your legs fall asleep and you go to stand up and then you fall over. It's also it's right up there with the pride like it's one thing it hurts but you're also like lying on the floor with your pants down and you're just like well how did I get here?

That's how you know it was a good shit though if your legs fall asleep. Both of them. Yes. Or you just got really bored on your phone. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. All right, Pifty, your last two. Okay, my last two I definitely had hitting the balls on there. I'm going to go skin knee. You skin your knee. You you're playing a sport. You get that little rug burn on it and then every single time you go into the shower for the next probably two weeks that shit burns and it never heals. Skin knees and elbows never heal. Yep. And then my last one is going to be I'm going to go with a paper cut a paper cut on your hand. If you find you forget about a paper cut on your hand too. It hurts when it initially happens but then you go out you eat buffalo wings and all of a sudden

you always do after paper cuts. It feels weird. No, it could be two days later. Yeah. It feels just as bad as a second that you cut it. Yep. Yep. I agree. I will go with elbow to the nose. It's kind of basketball specific but it's it happens you know just in the course of the game but you just get hit in the nose. You want to cry and then you have to like deal with the fact that you're crying and you're hurt but you have to just keep running. Good time to remind people that I've people don't believe me but I've never had a bloody nose in my entire life and I've been hit hard and not a drug. Never had a bloody nose. I just don't take my nose complete. You want to find out? I've been hit very hard in the nose. What was the hardest you ever got hit?

I've been hit elbowed in the nose playing basketball like as hard as you can get elbowed in the nose. Have you ever noticed that when LeBron James gets hit in his nose he blinks a lot? He gets into like turbo turbo blink mode. All right. The last my last pick this is actually the one that I thought of Hank when you said the phone to the face. The misjudging of a beer bottle to your teeth and being like oh my god I just shattered all of my teeth and you don't usually you don't shatter your teeth but that feeling of holy fuck there go my entire grill and that happens probably once a year. We just kind of you just misjudge it. Just getting hit in the mouth with anything is bad. Oh the teeth is just so sensitive you're like fuck. You see this

little circle scar right here on my chin. I got that from not catching a beer can a full beer can. That will happen. Cut me with a perfect circle. There's all the the teeth thing is is also the fear of how long it's going to take to get it better. You know when you have an injury and it's not even the heart it's more like well now I'm going to have to go to the dentist. Like that's way worse than than actually losing a tooth. And your initial thought is I don't even know if my shitty dental insurance covers getting hit in the teeth. Yeah like I've lived in New York for four years now and I've never been to a dentist. Yep that kind of thing. Yeah my dentist not only in addition to fixing my fucked up mouth is going to judge me for not flossing three times.

Yeah all right missed the cut. I had water in the ear or ears not being able to pop after an airplane. Very tough. Very shitty very water in the ear. It's not really an injury though. Oh yeah it's kind of is. Yeah. No. Swimmers are. I mean dropping a phone on your faces and these are minor injuries. That's an injury. Why is an injury. Why is water and you're not an injury. Because it is. Yeah. Yeah it is. Big time. But you don't know when it occurred. So it's probably when you're in the water. But you couldn't pinpoint it. Like when I when I when I when I actually can. Absolutely not when I face with my phone I can pinpoint the exact point the injury. If you can't you can't feel water going in your ear. Everything else on the list you can pinpoint the exact moment when

those injuries happened. You cannot pinpoint the exact moment the water gets stuck in your ear. Yes it gets stuck in your ear when you get out of the water and it doesn't come out of your ear. Because all the other water does. Yeah. Boom. Um fact. Nope not an injury. Yep boom fact. What about checkmate. What about eye twitch. Not an injury. That's a minor injury. When you just can't get rid of an eye twitch all day. That's just that's just a physical thing that happens to your body. And eye twitch to me just feels like something you got going on. Right. Some of you're dealing with. Okay. Same with same. It's the same with. No it's not. These are honorable mentions. So just hey why don't you relax. I'm just I don't they're honorable mentions of a list that we're

not spraying ankle spraying ankle is big worse than a break. I was going to say like tweak back but I think that's a major injury. Yeah. Anytime you hurt your back you're just fucked for a long time. Spinal columns. Slipping in the shower. Ooh. Just in general I feel like for athletes like whenever that those stories come out that's just embarrassed. Yeah the greatest athletes in the world who have unbelievable coordination somehow slip like they're your 90 year old Nana. Pulled hamstring. Tweaked hamstring. Tweaked hamstring. Pulled is a real injury. Well so when you tweak your hamstring you spend the next year worrying about pulling it. The fear of blowing out your Achilles once you get over 30 years old. Yeah. That's an injury. That's the

minor injury Achilles is the major. Bruce Shin walking into like a low coffee table or something like that. Yep. Oh splinter splinters. Splinters suck but the only thing with splinters is it's so satisfying to get a splinter out to actually free the piece of wood from your skin is like oh the minute you realize that there's no longer something underneath there that's touching all the nerves. It's the best. It does feel great. It's almost worth the splinter to be honest. Yeah I actually might start splintering myself. Just get a minor case of a splinter. Just start rubbing my hands over all types of wood. Right here. Yeah. And then I had headache in the back of your eyes specifically the back of your eyes. Okay. That one always sucks. I don't know if I've had that one.

Really? That's kind of the hangover where it's like not in your head it's just like the actual bat you could feel in the back of your eyeballs. Sore throat is bad. Sore throat is a minor injury. No. Okay. Coronavirus. That's sickness. If you're under the age of 50 and have no pre-existing conditions. Not an injury. Okay. It's a physical condition. Well Hank what's another what's another minor injury for you. I want to judge some of yours now. Yeah let's judge. Hitting your knee on a coffee table. I just said leg on a coffee table. Copycat. I said knee. I mean that's I don't have honorable mentions. I just. Cutting yourself shaving. I usually rip forward. Cutting yourself shaving. That's an injury because you can pinpoint the exact moment it happened. Okay so that's all

that it has to be. In my opinion. Oh funny bone. Yep. Funny bone sucks. Why do they call it a funny bone? Because it's on your humerus. I don't know if that's true or not. Learn something new every day. Okay that's our show. Let's have a great weekend everyone and we have a great interview like I said Tim Grover. MJ's trainer. Great stories about MJ and how competitive he is. On Monday we'll have last dance. Review we'll have. Do we know what Billy's deep dive is? God knows. God knows. God knows what that child has been up to all week in his fucking berserker basement with all his kittens. Love you guys. Thanks a lot.

It's part of my take presented by Barstool Sports.