Pardon My Take - Jon Taffer + Week 11 Recap
Episode Date: November 19, 2018NFL Week 11 Recap and fastest 2 minutes (2:27 - 8:05). The Saints are a juggernaut, the Texans have won 7 straight, Alex Smith's leg is broken, the Eagles get the Done Chain and the Bears remind every...one why Kirk Cousins is Kirk Cousins (8:05 - 34:41). Who's back of the week including SNL and Thanksgiving (34:31 - 43:01). Jon Taffer joins the show to talk about his private jet, not to brag, all the laws that were made to stop him from making money, and some new great ideas for Bar gimmicks (43:01 - 81:43). Segments include Football guy of the week, thoughts and prayers Urban Meyer, Not to brag but we called it Les Miles to Kansas, Stay Woke, and Monday Reading. You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake
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Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify,
or YouTube.
Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, we have Week 11 Recap, fastest two minutes football guy of
the week.
All the stories you need from the NFL, Crazy Sunday, plus one of our favorite recurring
guests, John Taffer joins the show.
He also has recently purchased a private jet, not to brag, but we're going to get on it.
Really fun interview with him, and much, much more before we get to all of that.
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It's part of my tape, presented by Rob Stool Sports.
Welcome to part of my tape, presented by SeekGeek.
Today is Monday, November 19th, week 11.
We start in the big glory hole in Atlanta, as Jerry Jones and Arthur Blank square off
for Guy Most Likely to masturbate in your shoes.
Tevin Skollman made a couple of long cuts, but Grizzlykliel Elliott dipped out harder
and left the Falcons with a fat lip.
Coolio Jones walked through the Valley of Leighton, Vanderesche, took a look at this
D and realized there was nothing left.
The Cowboys are going Dak, Dak, to Dallas Dallas, big time winners as they take down
the Falcons, 2219.
Dick.
Hugh Day, Hugh Day, Hugh Day, say they're gonna beat them Bengals.
Lamar Jack Sonny Digital put his staff on Cincinnati as the aloe blackbirds.
Rookie QB was the man, was the man, making tracks to the Bengals secondary, and all beats
by Drake, Patrick could do is unplug, while Willie said, I sneed you now tonight, I sneed
you more than ever, and made mince meatloaf out of the secondary.
John Hardy Har Harbaugh has a last laugh.
Ravens 24, Bumble's 21, some spread.
In Detroit Rock City, the Schwam would like to be the first to wish you all a happy holiday.
Kenny that is, Riverboat Ron only fed Christian to the Lions 13 times, but the book of Luke
Keekley couldn't stop the Gospel of Matthew Stafford.
The game came down to a two point conversion, where Lamb Newton could have been the goat,
but instead made a bad throw, and as LeBron always says, a lion doesn't concern himself
with the opinion of sheep.
Lions 20, Panthers 19, I gotta say teach, I think our lion is sick.
I think our sheep, I think our sheep is sick.
Can't pull the wool over your ass, boo.
Bad!
We go down to the big easy, as the Saints of the Crescent City show the full moon, and
put their ass directly on the Eagles' peaks for four quarters of hell, laid by head coach
Sean Satan.
Trenquan Smith and Wesson played a very high caliber game, as the Eagles secondary had
their wings clipped, and started a bunch of guys Mark Wahlberg would have torched in trouts
and invincible.
Good news for Eagles fans, Creed is out.
Bad news, you've created your own prison, and Scott, stop me if you've heard this before,
but true praise put up 40 points again, as the greatest show on Smurf leaves their opponents
feeling a little blow.
Saints go marching, 48-7.
In Duval, where the Jaguars and Steelers met for the third time in 12 months, Jalen Mason
Ramsey built that wall, Mark, in the secondary, stealing footballs like they were your girlfriend.
But the Jaguars' defense played like yodel-a-doo-doo, in the fourth quarter, letting Big Ben come
back from the dead for the second time in three weeks, TJ Wesson-Bott trolled our president
Blake Portals all afternoon, and the Steelers are red-hot, heading into the home stretch,
Pittsburgh 20, Jaguar 16.
Back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, and round
John Maryland, the FedEx steel turf monster claims another QB, as the Redskins seem to
play their game on some sort of cursed burial ground.
Colt McCoy didn't miss a beat, and said, OK, cool, hook him, as his dad says his shoulder
is finally feeling well enough to throw a football.
Big Cat's pinky is on the line, and JJ Watt smells red beat most.
Deshaun, hot sun, heated up, and six-simper Tyranus Matthew took out Washington's leader
during a play.
Is there a Doxon in the house?
Josh Polk of Norman was knocking on all the wrong doors during this Sunday matinee, as
Trey Quinn Parker can't write a good ending against the AFC South Park.
Texas 23, R-Wage 21.
We head to Indianapolis, where Marlon Brando Mack made the Titans, as Ty Quilton shook
off blanket coverage to reveal a giant horse head in Mike Vrabel's bed.
In an incredible use of magic, David Blaine Gabbard pulled a rabbit out of his head,
shout out Jason Winton, and made the Colts defense reappear.
Andrew Luckleberry-Winn whitewashed the Titans defense, and the Colts, dare we say, teach
our back.
Indianapolis 38, Titans 10.
To San Diego, where truly Bradley Deepley Chomp planted Phillip Rivers in a savage garden,
as Vaughn Reggie Miller put two hands to his neck, and made sure the Chargers choked in
the court.
Anthony Lin Manuel Miranda got outcoached in a broad way, as the Broncos' play action
wasn't the same old song-and-fans chosen.
Denver, Texas, San Diego, Super Chargers, 23-22.
Okay, Week 11 is in the books, we've got a lot to talk about PFT, but before we talk
about the actual games that were played on Sunday, we have to talk about the biggest
story of the day.
The Browns hijacked the NFL in their bye week with an Adam Schefter tidbit that they are
considering hiring Condoleezza Rice as their next head coach.
It was an Adam bomb, it's not a Woldz bomb, it comes from Adam, and I think it's time
for a new segment that we need to start, it's who's fucking with Adam Schefter?
Because somebody's fucking with him hard.
I have no idea what process went through his head when he was like, yeah, this seems legit,
I'm gonna run with this.
Okay, so my knee-jerk reaction when I saw this, I thought exactly what you thought.
They're fucking with Adam Schefter, hilarious.
Yes.
Then I was like, you know what, John Dorsey seems like a smart guy, good football guy,
he knows what he's doing.
This was an old trick of setting the negotiations, setting the goalposts at a certain point,
so now you put this out there, you put Condoleezza Rice's name out there, Mike Francesa flips
out, all these people go crazy on Twitter, and then you can basically hire the word,
you can hire back Hugh Jackson, everybody be like, hey, it's not Condoleezza Rice.
That's a good point.
Yeah, so he anchored, and negotiations called anchoring, where you say the most crazy outlandish
request, and then whatever your backup offer is seems reasonable, I agree with that.
I also think that, actually, it speaks to Hugh Jackson that he was so incompetent at
his job that it's not outside of the realm of possibility entirely that you would be
replaced by somebody with zero experience doing that job.
Yes, it couldn't go worse than what Hugh Jackson did, it actually really could.
It really couldn't.
And it could, technically, by three games.
It'd be tough.
Three games, it could be worse in two and a half seasons.
They should just take the best Madden player in the world, and just have them call the
place.
Absolutely would do better than Hugh Jackson.
Absolutely would do better than Hugh Jackson.
Condoleezza Rice, though, I would be interested in seeing her as a head coach, I mean, it'd
be good.
Yes.
Greg Williams' bounty program would explode under Condoleezza Rice.
She'd have little playing cards, where it's like, okay, Ben Rothlisberger is the Jack
of Clubs.
You know how we used to do in Iraq, we used to play Saddam Zayas, actually Johnny Manziel
would be the King of Clubs.
Yes, absolutely.
Club Meister.
Yes, absolutely.
I mean, it was a wild way to start the day.
And then the Browns refuted it so quickly.
Well, Condoleezza Rice also came out and was like, actually, I don't want this job because
even she was like, I don't want the Browns job.
And she took shots.
I'm not even in the running, but I don't want the Browns job.
What I liked about it was she took shots at Greg Williams when she said she didn't want
the job.
She was like, I would never call a prevent defense.
Right, right.
So we call preemptive defense.
No chance that Greg Williams, Greg Williams was furious when he saw this.
So mad.
Furious.
Absolutely furious.
Hank, you have a question.
I just don't understand what Condoleezza Rice's relationship to football is in the first
place.
Well, she has a relationship to football.
She was on, she's a big fan, first of all, she's a Browns fan.
And then she also was on the college football playoff.
What's her real life job?
Okay, so right now I think she's, she's a lot of stuff in emeritus, meaning that she
gets paid to like show up places and give speeches.
Essentially, if you're a politician, if you stop being a politician or stop being part
of politics, you can essentially walk around and do a big time squad.
She was the national security advisor between 2000, I think 2004.
So she's got a lot of experience monitoring phones and stuff.
So she'd fit right in on the Patriots and the chiefs with Scott Peole, or where's Scott
Peole now?
He's in Atlanta.
Yeah.
So she probably, I don't know.
Yeah.
She'd fit in well there.
And then after 2004, she was secretary of state for a while.
So yeah.
So I mean, but honestly, like, yeah, I don't know that she's just a football fan.
Well, no, she was in the college football playoff committee, which has made everyone upset
about that, which was awesome because it was like, we are, everyone was already upset because
how do you decide the playoffs?
And then you just had Condoleezza Rice and was like, well, now this is really fucked
up.
But essentially, once you become, once you retire from politics, you can, you can just
either write a book or appear on a bunch of news channels and then do a bunch of speak,
you know, like speaking engagements for a shitload of money.
And to your point, big cat, I also think that like floating that name out there serves one
other purpose.
And it's like John Dorsey is not afraid to pull a fucking wild, everybody thinks John
Dorsey is the crazy motherfucker in the room.
You know what, you know what it is?
The no turn, no stone left unturned coaching search.
That's the best coaching search there is.
They might even get fucking freaky with it and hire Ernie O'Corsi to go hire like one
of his best friends.
Yeah.
A coaching search firm.
The way they just scour the ranks of the Bush administration.
Yeah, exactly.
They got Rumsfeld in there.
Oh, Carl Rove.
Yeah.
What's his name?
It's going to be in the, in the news soon because that new Christian Bale movie.
Oh, Cheney.
Cheney's about to be back, about to, about to be back in the news cycle.
Maybe get him going.
I also think that maybe Haslam is like just offering an olive branch.
It's not out of the room a possibility for Haslam to be the one that put that news out
there.
Yes.
Just to remind Dorsey like, Hey, just so you know, I'm liable to pull some weird shit
too.
So you don't, you get to thinking that you're making this entire thing on your own.
Yeah.
Don't forget, I was the guy who kept Hugh Jackson employed for two and a half years.
Well passed.
He showed that he was not competent for the job.
So if you look at the list of Browns coaches in the last 10 years, they mostly have 10
years of what?
Like one year, like two years, two years, two years is, it's like, like, you know how
like the different dogs have lifespans, like a big dog, you know, like a, same, same Bernese
or whatever.
Just say, just say massive.
Just say.
No, I'm not going to say.
Has like bulldogs have like your lifespan of seven years and then like a little Chihuahua
has a lifespan of 50, a Browns head coach has a lifespan of about 18 months.
Yeah.
And I'm sure that, that kind of leaves a rice has dirt on just about every other head coach
or she can access dirt.
Right.
She's got security clearance.
Yes.
She can get some good blackmail material there.
Right.
So that was the story before the games even kicked off.
But I think the, we can probably agree that Adam Schefter was just being fed a load of
dog shit and he ate it up and he crafted out onto our Twitter feeds this morning.
And it begs the like immortal question, would you run with that fake news knowing that you
get to basically be the guy?
He was.
Schefter was the guy for about an hour.
He was.
Yeah.
Maybe it was bullshit.
Maybe it was fake, but he was the guy.
Let's, let's settle this.
You think that Condoleezza Rice would be a visor coach?
Do you think that she'd be a baseball cap?
What would she, what would her head gear be?
I don't know.
She might just go raw dog with it.
Yeah.
She, I'd say, I'd say visor.
I think visor.
Yeah.
I'm picturing it right now.
I'd say visor.
I mean, she would look badass in the sidelines wearing like a pantsuit, heels, not taking
shit from anybody.
Yes.
So that was the crazy news to start the day.
And then we had football.
So I want to start, um, we had a bunch of different places we got to go PFT, but I want to start
with the best team in football and that is the New Orleans Saints.
They are incredible.
Yes.
Drew Brees is insane.
So he is 21 touchdowns, one interception, 77% completion percentage and he's 77% completion
percentage.
The punter for the Saints PFT, he has punted 21 times this year.
I think he punted once over the last two weeks.
He punted in the last, in the last, uh, six games, he's punted eight times.
Morsted.
That's insane.
Morsted with his weird boxy shoulder pads.
Yeah.
And you had a great Sean Payton being like, I'm mad at the Eagles because I lost to the
Vikings last year.
So I'm going to take it out on them and beat the fuck out of them and go for it on fourth
down and keep throwing it when I'm up a million.
And the Eagles, I mean, I don't want to jump ahead here, but they're, they're done.
They're dead.
They're doing Dunchain.
Dunchain on the Eagles.
Can we strip them of the Super Bowl championship, defending Super Bowl championship title because
they have not defended it well.
Here's what we'll do.
We'll melt down the Lombardi trophy and then reforge it as a Dunchain.
Yes.
That chain hangs heavier on the neck of the champion.
It's the largest defeat by a Super Bowl champion ever.
Yeah.
What I want to take out of this game is Sean Payton's on a fuck you tour.
Oh yeah.
He's pissed off at everybody.
I don't know why he's like extremely pissed off this year, but he is.
He's like playing.
He's coaching on another level.
He's coaching like he's just stepping on people's throats left and right.
He's just, he's reached the point that I think we all aspire to in life, which is I want
to be a huge dickhead and get away with it because I'm that good.
Right.
And being like, Hey, guess what stopped me?
He does the thing where he has Taysum Hill come in and actually throw passes now.
Cause you're like, you know what?
I'm kind of bored.
Drew Brees is too good.
I'm bored with 77% completion percentage, 21 touchdowns and one interception.
I'm going to throw this guy in here and see if he can do it too.
Yeah.
And like he probably can.
I think there was a quote that Sean Payton was like, yeah, we got Steve Young in the,
in the, uh, like waiting in the, you know, in the sideline here.
Yeah.
Steve Young, if he couldn't pass that well, his Taysum Hill.
Right.
And then they got Bridgewater and they put Bridgewater and as the like victory cigar and they just
don't let him pass.
No.
Right.
So the saints are on an absolute tear.
They've won, um, nine in a row.
Yes.
Do you think, are they nine in one?
Yeah.
I think they're nine in one.
And they've covered, I think eight straight.
Now, do you think that, uh, Brandon Marshall is going to get to play in his first playoff
game this year?
Yeah.
I mean, the black cloud is definitely, although he'll probably, the minute he starts playing
they'll start losing.
Well, this is like expert level.
Can I ruin this team for Brandon Marshall?
Yeah.
Like if he can destroy this team.
Oh, he's up for the challenge.
Yes.
He is.
If anybody can do it, it's Brandon.
All right.
So that was, uh, that's, I mean, the saints are clearly in my mind, the best team in football
right now.
Would you, would you agree?
Yeah.
I agree a hundred percent.
I also think that they're one of the most fun teams.
Like they just seem to be having a really good time together.
Yep.
And going to New Orleans is like the scariest thing in the world.
All right.
So the other story that I had circled was, uh, the NFC East is a complete dumpster fire
now that Alex Smith, uh, broke his leg in like seven different ways.
One said Joe Thysman.
Now it was weird that it happened exactly 33 days, 33 years to the day, um, which I think
was first reported by our stats and info.
It was.
Everyone else ripped us off.
They stole it.
Yes.
So shout out to our stats and info.
Um, but there's a couple of things.
The Joe Thysman thing I get, like obviously it's Redskins, he breaks like the good news
is modern medicine is a little bit better than it was 33 years ago.
I don't think Alex Smith's career is going to be over, but this clearly throws a wrench
into the entire NFC East.
Now the Cowboys seem to be somewhat resurgent and they're playing the Redskins on Thanksgiving.
Listen, I don't want to, I don't want to speak out of turn, but I don't want to call
him a pussy.
But when I broke my foot, I walked around on it for a week.
He went directly to the hospital.
Those are facts.
So I'm just saying these are facts.
I'm not saying, I'm not saying one way is better than the other, but I'm saying that
I walked around on mine for like a week.
He needed surgery and well, we don't know that we don't know that we don't know if he needed
surgery or not.
Why'd you do this?
This was stupid.
Maybe he didn't need, maybe his leg wasn't that broken.
Yeah, it was very, very broken.
It was broken.
It sucks.
It sucks for Alex Smith.
The good news for the Redskins is Colt McCoy is probably one of the better backups in
the league.
Yeah.
And if you remember like two years ago, when they were trying to figure out what to do
with Kirk Cousins for like the second time out of nine decisions they had to make about
them, they were about to let cousins walk and just go with McCoy McCoy because Jay Gruden
loves Colt McCoy.
Yes.
Colt McCoy is he's good enough.
Well, no, what he is is Colt McCoy is the type of, he's a gamer.
He's going to win you a lot of games like 2117.
And then when you get to a big moment and you need a big drive, he's not, he's not that
guy.
Yeah.
He's, he's not, he can't put the team on his back.
No, but he can, he can tread water.
He for sure can tread water.
He can tread water.
But as we've said earlier, like with the AJ Green thing, treading water just means like
losing.
Yeah.
A lot.
Yeah.
Every now and then you win one game in front of, like you might win on Thanksgiving and
then be like, Hey, Colt McCoy.
Okay.
Silver lining in this, here are some of the names that they're considering bringing in
or that they will be bringing in this week.
You ready?
Colin Kaepernick.
Yeah.
We're going to get big boners just here in this list.
Okay.
TG8.
He's coming in.
It's a hell.
Ready?
Mark Sanchez.
Yep.
Mark Sanchez is coming in.
EGM annual is coming in.
Another spectacular backup name.
Okay.
Now I'm floating these names out here.
Nathan Peterman.
Nathan Peterman has not been mentioned, but he did get a try out with Alliance.
True.
So that name is heating up.
By the way, Nathan Peterman's QBR went up again this weekend when he didn't play.
Okay.
Here are some names I'm floating out there.
RG3.
Yeah.
Well, the whole problem is that he's on another team.
Yeah.
Well, he was, he got in at wide receiver today and people forget he used to play, he was
a college quarterback like Julian Edelman.
So maybe they'll bring him in there.
Brett Farf.
Yes.
We'd love to see if he can strap him up one more time.
All we need is Edwardor down in Mississippi.
Yeah.
So I'm here with Bus Cook.
Yeah.
And Brett is throwing the ball around in the backyard.
Well, yeah.
To like a 14 year old kid.
He's talking to himself.
He's throwing it through a tire.
Oh wait.
No, this is actually just a jeans ad.
He's knocked out a six teeth of his favorite golden retriever with fastball.
He's looking great.
Yeah.
I mean, Tebow, Kaepernick.
Let's get weird with it.
Actually, I don't think Kaep would ever play for the Redskins.
No, they're going to.
Yeah.
No, definitely not.
And they're going to, they're going to go up to a major league.
Yeah.
They're going to go to Colt McCoy and no one else.
Yeah.
If we're being honest.
Probably Matt Barkley.
Actually.
Okay.
So two other names that were floated big time and these are, these were serious discussions
about these guys.
You ready?
First one and we're not going to be excited about this.
Paxton Lynch.
I'm excited about that.
I'm not.
I want to, no, I want Paxton Lynch to get back in the NFL so I can keep reminding people
about the time he lost me all that money in that bowl game when Memphis got the shit
kicked out of him by Auburn because they just didn't show up.
That's true.
Paxton has, I would say, top five worst facial hair in NFL history as a man with bad facial
hair.
I feel like I can say that.
No, he looked like a kid who was trying to sell you really shitty Molly outside of club.
He looked like a pirate that accidentally ingested rum that's been in wormwood too long
and started hallucinating.
The other one that they're considering bringing in is Sam Bradford.
That's a real no.
That's what?
Whoa.
Whoa.
You said I wouldn't get excited.
Well, here's the thing.
That's the completion record as of two years ago.
Yeah.
That guy?
The same one.
Yeah, that guy?
Sam Bradford on the FedEx Field Turf.
Yep.
Give it to me.
Recipe for disaster.
Sammy, please.
I want it.
That's, I mean, I'm very excited about that name.
Okay.
So the other side of the Redskins game, the Texas have now won seven straight.
Yeah.
And are you sweating?
No, I'm not.
I'm fine.
You should be sweating a little bit.
No, no, no, I'm fine.
I mean, have you thought about life without a pinky yet?
Like have you started to make the emotional adjustment?
Yeah.
Well, here's what I see coming.
I see a Super Bowl between the Texans and the Bears.
And that would be, that would be great content.
But here's the thing.
I think you would rather have it be the Texans and the Bears because if you lose in your
Bears fan and you have to cut your pinky off, it's like, it's not that big of an add-on
to the crushing.
You just do it right away.
You do it right away.
You're like, you're like, my hand is what hurts now, not my soul.
I don't.
And if it's a team that you don't care about, that they beat the Super Bowl, then it's
the whole game, you're just going to be thinking, God, my fucking pinky, I'm going to cut my
pinky off.
Here's the thing.
I'm not worried at all about my pinky.
I'm not worried about the Texans winning the Super Bowl.
The only thing I am worried about is I'm like pre-angry at people calling me a pussy when
I cut off the tip of my pinky and they're like, why didn't you cut the whole fucking
thing?
And they're like unsatisfied with me cutting off.
With good reason.
My pinky for my knuckle up.
I mean, if we go back and we listen to the tape, you set it right away.
I said, I right away, we're going to go knuckle up.
So you're also unsatisfied with PFT's tape.
Well, because we never saw me poop.
You're going to watch me cut off my pinky.
You can do all sorts of crazy things.
Yeah.
You're going to see it.
Listen, Hank, you'll see it.
Yeah.
You'll see it.
Hank can do all sorts of crazy things with CGI.
I don't know if that's going to be real or not.
All right.
Well, we'll see.
You'll see my nub if Bill O'Brien.
Your hand's just going to be in front of a green screen and then it's just going to
disappear.
It's going to be like, your pinky is going to go, hey, big cat, don't feel so good and
it's just going to disintegrate.
Nub cat would be huge ratings for this podcast.
We can do it on air.
We could fucking cut it off on air.
I saw the Texans are here live stream of it.
Yeah.
There's seven to know in their last seven.
That's crazy.
I'm not nervous.
So Bill O'Brien, come on to Sean Watson also.
If you watch the text, it's like to Sean Watson is always one play away from basically
going to the hospital for us.
His life.
Yeah.
Okay.
Whatever.
He just scrambles.
He's a burden long for the Texans and he's just running around and it feels like he takes
a million hits.
How many playoff games do they have to win for you to get actually worried?
They would have to be in the AFC Championship game for me to start actually worrying.
I think they can do it.
That defensive line is really good.
Yeah, it is.
JJ Watt's also got to stay healthy.
To Davian Clowney.
I think that JJ Watt is actually like taking this as extra motivation because he hates you
so much that I told him he could cut it.
I texted him.
I said, you can cut it off.
What did he say?
He's like, probably not.
He didn't respond.
No, he actually did respond.
He said, probably not.
Don't get jealous of me.
No, I'm not.
No.
I'm not jealous at all.
No, he said, haha.
I'll watch, but I don't think I'm going to cut it off.
I'll watch.
Yeah.
He'll watch.
He'll definitely watch.
All right.
So that is those games.
Then we also had the Steelers and Jaguars.
The Steelers are one of the hottest teams in the NFL.
The Jaguars.
I'm going to say this nicely.
Doug Morone, you have to let Blake Bortles be Blake Bortles.
You fucking asshole.
That was nice.
Right?
Yeah.
He just got to let them sing.
They got up for a lead.
They were up 16 to nothing and they just started running the ball.
They get very good.
Let's Blake be Blake.
The other thing is Leonard Farnett.
I know that he puts up, well, every week he has like 24 rushing attempts for 88 yards.
That's like the classic Leonard Farnett and maybe one or two touchdowns, which is great,
but they're all like one yard touchdown runs.
Yes.
He has really bad vision.
He's just a big dude, right?
So he's used to running people over.
So he just runs it.
He runs straight as fast as he can, which is great for a full back, but not for a guy
that you're given like 25 touches a game to.
This felt like the Jaguars last stand a little bit.
They get too scared.
Yeah.
You know what it is?
Doug Morone doesn't have the same confidence in Blake Bortles that we do.
Yeah.
That's true.
And we like you, Doug Morone.
We do.
We're a good coach.
But just let Blake be Blake.
Let him let him air it out.
You're clipping Blake's wings.
Yeah.
Okay.
It was it was handcuffs off.
It was a game that I want people to understand that like when they say Levy on Bell is James
Connor made Levy on Bell like almost expendable.
If you watch that game, there were so many times that Levy on or James Connor just missed
a pass or didn't make a play that Levy on Bell 100% would have made.
And so it's funny that the stats, the running stats are there, but they forget how good
Levy on Bell is as like basically a wide receiver.
Yeah.
Doing everything.
Right.
And then a big Ben after he had that fourth quarter touchdown at the very end of the game,
he looked up to the sky to point where where he thinks God's houses.
And then he just held on to the football and he still has the football.
He's like, I'm not letting this one go.
This is my magic football.
Yeah.
It's going to be a little stuffed animal he sleeps with.
All right.
And then the last one, we, the night game, the Sunday night game, the Bears, the Bears
defense.
You got to say pretty fucking good.
The Mitch Trubisky was running around, made a couple of bad throws, but that's okay.
A little heart attack quarterback.
That's actually like exactly where the Bears like, the Bears always want to be in that
comfort zone.
I was talking to a football guy last week and somebody that really knows a shit and
he said that you want your quarterback to throw in receptions.
Yes.
Because if you throw in receptions, then you're taking chances.
Yes.
You don't want a guy who, I mean, like I would rather have, who was I talking about when
I said that you were talking about Mitch, I think no, I was definitely not talking about
Mitch.
Pretty sure you were.
I absolutely wasn't talking about Mitch.
I was talking about someone who doesn't throw the ball downfield Howard Smith.
Who was it?
Who was I talking about?
Derek Carr.
No.
He takes chances.
Marriota.
Yes, it was.
It was Marriota.
Yes.
It absolutely was.
It absolutely was.
So, so the point is Mitch is taking chances.
Oh, he throws downfield.
He takes a shitload of chances.
He likes to throw on the run a lot, but he still hasn't figured out like he's really
good at throwing.
I think when he jumps off his right foot on the run, but he'll jump off his left foot
a lot.
And then when he does that, he has some accuracy issues.
Listen, he like he made a bunch of plays of his feet.
He's, I'm not worried about Mitch.
I think the defense showed up.
I also think it's hilarious that Kirk Cousins like people still buy this shit.
$90 million.
The fact that he, they showed before the game, he was pumping up their, the Vikings team by
saying this is, they chose us to flex to prime time, not because of the Bears, but because
of us.
That was his pump up.
It's true.
We're not true, but that's not true.
Weird flex.
Yeah.
But okay.
Yeah.
It was what, what, what, what hell of a pump up speech by Kirk Cousins?
I love Kirk Cousins.
That's about as good as it gets though for Kirk Cousins.
That's as, that's as like cocky as he'll ever get.
Kirk Cousins, Kirk Cousins will get you two games like, like we're played on Sunday night
and then lose those games.
That is Kirk Cousins, like sum him up perfectly.
It's he will get you to a game that feels big and then lose it.
And you're right.
I think he, he absolutely looks smaller.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
Him and Josh Rosen look really small this weekend.
Yeah.
I don't know if he's shrunk.
Josh Rosen is also, Josh Rosen is also, this is something you put in your tickler file.
He is the king of weird stat lines.
He is good for like 12 for 17, three touchdowns and four interceptions.
You're like, what's going on here?
How did you throw this many touchdowns and interceptions when you only passed the ball
16 times?
Yeah.
He did.
He absolutely have a game where he's like 19 for 22, but no, it would not be 19 for 22.
Listen, listen, 19.
Okay.
19 for 25 for 132 yards.
Right.
I think, I honestly think he threw for like 106 yards today and he completed 16 passes.
But here's the, I've already declared, I'm not judging Josh Rosen or anything this year.
That's true.
I've already turned the page on him.
That's true.
So, so the Bears, NFC North, they, would you say the Bears are the third?
The third best team in the NFC right now as we're sitting here?
Ooh, that's okay.
Well, let's, let's list them.
Yeah.
Well, it's obviously the saints and the Rams.
Right.
And then they're, they're, and now get me, don't get me wrong, they're quite a bit ahead
of the Bears.
Yes.
But who is the third?
Uh, third would probably, I mean, the Redskins just lost Alex Smith.
I think you, you can have them in conversation if Alex Smith's healthy.
So I would say the Panthers, but the Panthers lost two in a row.
They shot the bed again.
Right.
Exactly.
The Panthers have not looked good the last two weeks.
I mean, at the center point, the lines practiced outside this week.
Yeah.
So that was actually big.
I'm Matt Patricia.
I love that.
He is, he just figures out a way to like get his whole team to hate him at all times.
His 900 word explanation on why they practiced outside.
And then they're like, they're next like six games or an adult.
Listen, he's battling snowflakes.
Okay.
He's out there fighting the war on the war on football.
So yeah, would you say it?
Would you say it?
I would say that the Bears are like, yeah, but saying that they're third in the NFC, it's
like, I mean, there's seven and three, they're not, you're, you're, you're pretty like they're
our bad team.
They're not a bad team.
They lost to the Packers and the Patriots, and then they had the really bad game against
the Dolphins.
They have flaws.
They have significant flaws.
Significant.
Yeah.
Okay.
I think bad, when bad, when bad mit shows up, it's a significant flaw.
I listen to this and Kyle Long, that's a big flaw too.
He's going to be back.
The offensive line isn't that great right now.
He's going to be back.
Now you're just repeating what I said.
No.
Start the game.
I know that the offensive line is that great right now.
We can't run the ball.
Yeah.
They couldn't get it going in the middle.
They're relying on.
Don't repeat my own.
They're relying issues with the Bears and I say out loud and the throwback.
They are relying on jet sweeps and stuff to the outside a little too much.
All right.
So we also, I'm trying to think what other games.
Also Cody Parky.
Cody Parky's back.
So don't you dare come with Cody Parky.
Any other games you need to touch, any other games we missed?
I really did like Mike Zimmer tonight.
That was pretty great, wasn't it?
Yes.
A little outfit he was wearing.
Absolutely.
He started, he looked like the kid from Christmas Story that was like all bundled
up and his little shop.
He looked like he was like the sixth grade, you know, a woodworking guy.
Yeah.
Did you notice that though?
Like his body just kind of tapered down like a traffic cone.
It was like he had like a suicide vest of red band on.
Kirk Cousins is going to, is going to kill Mike Zimmer.
Like he definitely is very upset at Kirk Cousins.
Well, yeah.
Mike Zimmer is going to die because of Kirk Cousins.
Yeah.
Kirk Cousins is going to kill Mike Zimmer.
Yeah.
Mike Zimmer just doesn't like any quarterback.
Right.
But especially Kirk Cousins.
Especially not one that's getting paid 90 million dollars.
Right.
I was going to say who you got tonight.
Oh yeah.
Well, we'll get to it.
Yeah.
We'll get to it.
We have that in segments.
The only other thing I wanted to bring up is the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are the greatest
fumbling team in history of football.
How many turnovers did they have in the last like two weeks?
James Winston and Ryan Fitzpatrick.
They, it's almost like they're, they're, they're handling a greased up watermelon.
Ryan Fitzpatrick got benched because he was like fumbling in carols with the ball.
James Winston came in and scored in the most James Winston touchdown ever, scrambled, fumbled
into the end zone and then his own receiver got the fumble and scored a touchdown.
It was a small hand.
So we talked about.
Yeah.
Small hand.
Very small hand.
He also looks a little thin.
Did you see that?
You think he's been working out too much?
I think he actually, no, I think he's actually looking, he cut a little weight.
He's got a little less pudged.
I don't like that.
I noticed that.
I don't like that at all.
I like my James Winston a little chubby, a little slap sticky.
I also want the Giants to win at least four, well, no, I think they play the Bears a couple
weeks.
I want them to win five out of their next six so that all Giants fans can get their hopes
up.
Can I get your hopes down real quick?
Yeah.
All right.
So yes, the Bears are in first place in the NFC North.
Yes.
But the Packers have the easiest schedule in the NFL for the rest of the year.
So that's fine.
Is it time?
No, they still got to make up a lot of ground.
Yeah.
But you forget Aaron Rodgers, it's about that time of year where he invents a cool new
phrase, like run the table.
Nope.
R-E-L-A-X.
Nope.
Because he wants Mike McCartney to get fired.
He's sick of him.
So I wouldn't be shocked if Aaron Rodgers throws the rest of the year.
You're thinking he's just going to give up?
Yeah.
I don't think so.
He's that type of guy.
I think he's going to do an interview this week and people are going to be down on him
and he's going to invent something cool.
He's going to be like, got to win them all.
He's getting him.
I'm not going to.
Trademark Aaron Rodgers.
The Packers will be back in the conversation though after I said they were done on Friday.
They will be back in the conversation.
Yes.
You just know it.
He wants it to happen, but it's going to happen.
Fuck.
Okay.
Let's do our who's back of the week and then we will do football guy of the week on the
other side of our John Taffer interview.
Hank, would you like to start?
I would love to start.
Thank you, Picat.
Absolutely.
My who's back of the week is the office.
Okay.
Like our office?
No.
The office.
The British version?
Nope.
Cool.
You'd watch it.
It was way better.
It was so much funnier.
Steve Carell hosted SNL.
It was a great, hilarious SNL.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Really good.
So funny.
So funny.
And there was a skit when Ed Helms, a bunch of old office cast members came back.
They did a little banter back and forth and in the skit they said it's not coming back,
but it's definitely one of those things where they're just getting people used to talking
about it.
So when it comes back, they're excited.
Nice.
Yeah.
I think people will be excited.
They were testing the waters.
Was that clip on Twitter?
Yeah.
Nice.
I got to check it out.
You know what they're going to do?
They're just going to bring back like all the shittiest characters.
Well, that's what I was reading an article in the NBC executives want to do it.
Steve Carell doesn't, but they might just do it without him anyway.
Well, that'd be a disaster.
Yeah.
It's going to be like Aaron and it's going to be the girl that tried to sleep with Jim
and all the other people that nobody cares about.
Hot take.
D'Angelo Vickers was underrated.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He was okay.
Oh, he was underrated.
Yeah.
He was all right.
Yeah.
The other guy I didn't like, Bob Robert California.
Robert California.
Charles Minor was good.
Yeah.
D'Angelo Vickers was underrated.
I'd watch the office of D'Angelo Vickers.
With Will Ferrell?
Yeah.
I would too.
So, SNL sounds like it was a hilarious episode.
Hilarious.
Top to bottom, right?
Yeah.
Right off the start.
It was good.
All right.
Very funny.
I got to check it out.
Yeah.
I usually skip the, I skip past the monologue and then watch from there on.
Yeah.
You got to skip the cold open.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Exactly.
My who's back of the week.
Number one is Turduckens.
I love Turduckens and I miss John Madden every time they bring that fucking turkey out.
The turkey with a, well, what order is it?
I think it's turkey, then duck, then chicken.
Okay.
But this is one of those, I feel like this is one of those Berenstein Bears things, you
know, that whole internet thing where everyone, wait, was it Berenstein Bears that everyone
thinks?
It's spelled Berenstein.
Yeah.
Bernstein Bears.
Are they the Bernstein Bears?
It's spelled S-T-A-I-N.
And everyone thinks it's Steen, S-T-E-I-N.
So the Turduckens is more famous because of Frank Caliendo than John Matt.
Yes.
Boom.
Boom.
Boom.
I like, I actually don't know.
I mean, I'm sure John Madden mentioned it.
But the one that you're really thinking of is him like actually stuffing it and doing
a whole comedy bit.
No.
I remember distinctly John Madden doing the Telestrator and showing like, okay, every
year here's the turkey leg, here's the chicken, here's the duck.
And he was, the thing is with John Madden, he was genuinely fascinated by it every year.
He forgot every year, like how it was made and he was like, oh, all sorts of poultry.
Yeah.
I'm not saying you didn't do it.
I'm just saying that I feel like the cultural impact was heightened by Frank Caliendo.
And now that I think about it, I don't think they do the Turducken anymore.
No.
I think Fox moved on.
No, they definitely don't.
They should bring John Madden back because you millennials out there only know him from
your video games, from playing your Nintendo's.
Yep.
And you never got to hear John Madden commentate a game and it was amazing.
Yes.
He was so good at it.
Yes.
He created the doink.
And the sound boom.
Yeah.
He invented both of those.
My other who's back of the week is Tiger Woods.
The Tiger Woods, who's back of the week award goes to Tiger Woods.
They asked him about Phil Mickelson and whether or not Tiger Woods was in Phil's head leading
up to their one-on-one showdown.
And he goes, I've been living in Phil Mickelson's head for the last 20 years.
So getting a little smack talk with the boys.
If Tiger's saying that though, wouldn't Phil kind of be in his head too?
No.
He's thinking about how much he's in Phil's head.
So that's, this is Internet 101.
If you tweeted someone, then they're triggered.
So if you say, if you tweeted someone, you're triggered and then they can say, I have rent
in your head.
But if you're, you mentioned, but if you're living, no, you don't have rent.
You're living rent free.
Right.
You're not paying.
Right.
Correct.
But they're triggered that you're in their head.
Right.
It's like, like we're going to get to Urban Meyer, but I tweeted about Urban Meyer on Saturday
in Ohio State.
Finn said, all you do all Saturday is tweet about Urban Meyer.
And then it was like, if you looked at my timeline, there was like four tweets about
Urban Meyer and 50 tweets about everything else.
That's how you own someone online.
Urban Meyer lives rent free and Urban Meyer's own head.
A lot of people have actually lived in that little mini Urban Meyer is actually sick.
That's why he's got the head.
Yes.
He's just, he's got like, he's one of those little miners with a chisel and like a fork
just chopping away.
Yes.
But yeah, a lot of people have lived in Phil Mickelson's head, like the IRS, SEC, right?
Wingfoot.
Although no, he beat those.
Yeah.
But they've been, they're in his head.
Well, you had to pay a little fine.
Yeah.
They're in his head.
They've had to pay a damn little.
It's our training.
Who cares?
Who's living rent free in Phil Mickelson's tits?
That's what I want to know.
I don't know.
The State Puff Marshmallow man.
Yeah.
I was going to say, probably chocolate ice cream.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
My who's back is similar to the Thanksgiving.
The pictures of turkeys that we're going to all eat.
I love that.
I love when we're watching a game and they're like, look at all these turkeys.
You're going to eat that shit.
Oh, the birds.
Look at these cute little turkeys just gobbling away.
It's like, nah, slaughter those fucks.
I want them.
It's really fucked up when you actually think about it.
When they just show the turkey farms, that's their intro back to the football game.
That's Americana at its best.
I love it.
Did Donald Trump pardon Turkey last year?
I think so.
I don't remember him doing that.
I would love to hear just a speech that he would give him.
You know who the real Turkey is.
He just felt Obama.
Obama.
Yep.
He really is.
We should throw that clip out there.
All right.
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Okay, here he is, John Taffer.
Okay, we now welcome on a good friend, a recurring guest.
It is John Taffer live in studio.
Taft Daddy, how we doing?
I'm great, man.
How are you, buddy?
I'm great.
I feel great whenever you're around and I feel like we needed this because I gotta be
honest with you.
I'm getting a little tired.
We're working.
Football season is a little crazy.
So I need a little pep in my step.
I need a little John Taffer pep talk.
Okay, you ready?
Yeah.
I'm really impressed, buddy, with everything that you guys have done this year.
Oh, thank you.
You guys have elevated the brand to a new level.
Yep.
I must confess his outfits are getting much better.
Do you agree?
Yes, I agree with you.
His outfits are.
The coordination is getting better.
Are we talking about my outfits?
No, I'm talking about that.
Yeah.
Come a long way.
So you're in a better place right now than you were a year ago.
Big time.
Yes.
I'm older, fatter and more tired, though.
Ah, but you're also far more experienced, got a few extra hours in your pocket.
Life is good.
The football season has been tough, Taffer.
But it's almost over.
How much cash do you have on you right now, by the way?
That's actually why we really brought you in.
Is that okay?
I brought my checkbook.
Oh, okay.
How's private jet life, by the way?
It's pretty good.
I flew in last night.
He owns.
Taffer, you bought your own plane.
I have a jet.
That's nice.
What kind of golf stream?
It's a Hawker 800.
Oh, yeah.
Medium sized.
Yeah.
It's like the Honda Civic.
Why didn't you get the good one?
No, it's a medium.
It's a medium sized jet.
Can you lay down?
Oh, it has a couch in it that I lay down and sleep in.
I'm going to look it up right now.
Do you have a Hawker 800?
Do you have a bar in there?
I have a bar in there.
I have a galley in there.
A bar, restroom, lavatory.
Oh, you're going to pass them on.
A burge with a seat.
It's a galley.
It's a beautiful plane.
Okay.
Do you have a jet?
Do you just get to go up into the cockpit whenever you want?
Sure.
That's kind of cool.
And you know, one of the guys will not, well, they're landing, of course, but one of the
guys will get out of the cockpit and I'll go sit down in there.
So a pilot seat?
Will they let you take the sticks just for a second and be like, hey, you know, let it
rip?
Well, we can't say that online.
But yes, I have.
How many?
How many?
How many?
Good thing this isn't being taped.
How many?
How many?
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
I'm looking at the video too.
It's pretty nice.
You know what the nice thing about like private jets and private yachts are?
You always have pictures of them online.
So whenever somebody buys like a yacht, you can just go, if you know the name of it, you
can just Google it and people just want to put pictures of their boat online.
Yeah.
Name of the plane.
You can type in my name and it'll come up.
Your tail number?
You can see pictures of it.
Well, I won't tell you my tail number.
But if you put it in my name, you can probably find it.
So do you bring your whole team with you wherever you go or you ever fly by yourself?
It's a 90% of the time I'm by myself.
You know what it's become?
That seems a little excessive, Taffer.
No, it's not.
It's not to travel the team around.
What it is, is for me being in my business and you'll relate to this.
Being in the television business, what happens is my show wraps at night and I can't do events
the next day because I have to travel the next day.
So by buying the plane, I fly at night.
So the plane actually is making money for you.
It gives me 52 more days a year of availability and I book speeches on those days which pays
for the plane.
For example, suddenly yesterday I had a reason to come to New York.
So I jumped on my plane 11 o'clock.
Was it last night?
No, no, it wasn't.
You're a consequence.
So I flew all last night, landed at 7 this morning because of the snowstorm.
So I had to get in after the snowstorm.
So I landed at 7 this morning in Teterboro.
Yep.
Ben, there's not Bradley Cooper there.
Well, I saw the back of his head walking on the tarmac, but it was Bradley Cooper.
He was walking away from you.
He was walking very fast.
Interesting.
So when we have a private jet, what's the lead time?
If you want to fly somewhere, let's say in three hours, one of your buddies is like,
fly down to Miami, we'll do an event tonight.
Can you do that like three hours ago?
Well, it isn't just a plane.
It's a crew.
So we have a hangar in Las Vegas, our own private hangar.
We have our own private crew and we have a flight department.
So we have a mechanic on staff, a pilot on staff and an SIC, second in command on staff.
So it's the same pilot every time?
Yeah.
They work for me.
They're on the payroll.
So they're exclusive to us.
So I could call last night.
I called and I was in the air three hours later.
Have you had a moment yet where you're like, I can't believe this is my life?
Sure.
When I bought the thing, which was about a year and a half ago.
I remember when you bought it.
You told me about it.
Of course I did.
Holy shit.
I told fucking everybody.
It's one of those kind of things.
That's what you do when you buy a plane.
That's part of paying for itself.
Yeah.
But it's a part of life that you never thought you'd ever achieve that.
So you know, you go there at night.
So I would buy the thing the first week.
I'd drive a hangar at night.
Yeah.
I'd open up the door.
I'd just sit in a freaking plane and just, you know, rebel in the moment and say, holy
shit.
You know, I can't believe that I've actually accomplished.
Now, is there anything to prevent you from living in your plane?
No, it's funny.
I almost want to turn it into an RV.
Yeah.
Like just, just live out of the plane.
One of them would be sick.
You know, and it's fun.
And I stop along the way.
The cool thing about the plane is next week I go to Puerto Rico to start shooting a new
TV show and I'll stop at five cities on the way and see friends.
Ooh.
So that stuff is really cool.
Okay.
So can you, if not saying this isn't for you, this is for maybe some people who create
like a fake goldfish gambling Ponzi scheme situation.
Could you possibly just be like, Hey, I want to get out of the country.
Let's go.
Yes.
Okay.
All right.
Good to have a friend.
So if we sell enough t-shirts, we get our private jet and we get out, get out of dodge
real fast.
Okay.
And I think that's something you want to always keep available in your back pocket, particularly
for you then.
Yes.
Do you have a plan?
Hypothetically, all the shit hits the fence.
Weird stuff happens.
You're not involved in, but you are implicated in.
What country are you flying to?
I've never really looked at it that way before.
Really?
Yeah.
I would, I would absolutely have like a go bag.
You gotta have something.
And a flight plan.
Yeah.
Some country.
Like Ecuador, right?
Maybe Aruba.
Aruba.
That's good.
And Ireland is cool.
Yep.
It's just a nice view on the way.
Yep.
No extradition.
I liked that.
I liked that a lot.
Nice.
So what else you got cooking?
Nothing.
I got a new TV show.
I'm pretty excited about it.
I'm not stopping Bar Rescue because Bar Rescue ratings are the same.
You better not.
They don't fricking change.
I love it.
So, so we have 11 that we've already shot.
I start shooting 12 more Bar Rescues in February.
Okay.
And you'll carry through the rest of the years.
What cities?
So I'm doing, this year I'm doing a three in Key West.
Okay.
Okay.
Three in Tampa.
Okay.
Three in Kansas City.
Okay.
And three in Denver.
Okay.
Listen.
So we need to do Key West.
No, I'll just say Denver.
No, no, no.
Are you kidding me?
Key high.
Did you get high in Key West?
Well, hold on guys.
It's, it's, I want to plug into the right kind of high.
It isn't the city.
I want to plug into the right bar.
Yes.
I've put you like, when we put you in the last one, I could have put you in a better
bar.
The St. Louis one?
Yeah.
It could have been a more fitting environment for you.
So I want to put you guys in a place where it's really fun.
Do we get the private jet when we want to go to Tampa or is Tampa a strip club, I assume?
You're just rescuing three strip clubs.
Immediately.
That's all the, I mean, it's steak houses and strip clubs and usually it's the combined
in Tampa.
Yes.
So you're talking about Rachel's.
Yes.
I went there.
Yes.
You get the meat and the dairy at the same time.
Yes.
You literally are sitting, like there's a glass and closed spot where it's like a $70
steak and you're just sitting above a strip club.
That's amazing.
Walkway.
It's like a little slice of heaven.
Yeah.
I love, by the way, I love.
That's the end of society right there by the way.
That's the epicenter.
I love this.
The strip club sports bars are great.
So the girls dancing on stage.
Somebody hits a home run.
Everybody applauded.
She says thank you.
Yes.
Yes.
Hello exactly.
Bob, just make me a promise.
When you go to Key West, there is a bar there.
There's one bar stool that has Mike Leach's name carved underneath it and I don't want
you to get rid of that stool.
Yes.
That's like a very, very important stool.
Coach of Washington.
I'll check with you.
I'll check with you.
I'll check with you.
I'll just say university coach.
Yes.
Keep it there.
Don't get rid of that.
I actually had a question for you about like a new type of, well it's not that new of
a restaurant, but it's like a novelty restaurant.
It's the one that you go to and you sit down and the servers just berate you.
You know they just like call you pieces of shit.
Ed DeBevix.
Ed DeBevix, Dick's last resort.
Yep.
Dick's was the first one that actually did that.
That'll start, you'll start a controversy in Chicago because the Chicago guy was Ed's.
But what, does that actually work or where do you stand on that because it pisses me
off a little bit.
You know, it's a place that you go once, you're not going to go back.
So you know, things like that are novelty, but that's novelty is good.
But how many times you're going to go there and just have a curse at you, chew gum in
your face.
I don't know.
I think there's some, I mean there's some people that are like, you know, who like to
be dominated.
Yeah.
They call them subs.
Yeah.
You prefer the abuse.
Personally, I'm saying there are some people just like there are some people who like the
lobster machine that you hate.
So, so, so you're suggesting that you're suggesting to me that Ed DeBevix or this Dick's last
resort is a place that only losers who like to be abused go not, well, we don't call
them losers.
Some people are subs.
It's, it's, it's a thing that the submissive that like to be abused.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
S&M stuff.
Like big cat likes.
I have to whip him before every show to get him in the zone.
I got you.
Don't kink shame.
The lobster machine.
Yes.
Can we please come on.
You want to talk about the lobster machine?
Let's, let's just, let's, let's, let's, let's let lobster machines are funny.
You catch a lobster and you cook it.
Yes.
And?
And the fricking, do you ever hear what the lobster does when you drop it in a pot of
boiling water?
Do you ever hear that?
Mm-hmm.
Well, I won't fricking think screams.
Here's a problem with the lobster tank and I'm just tougher than that.
Okay.
Here's a problem with the lobster tank.
Mm-hmm.
That people that cook the lobsters from those tanks are bartenders that don't know how
to cook lobster.
These are not seafood restaurants.
So they boil the water at a low temperature.
Yeah.
They drop the thing because they don't give it long enough.
That's a hot tub.
And it's really fricking cruel.
Yeah.
So this thing goes in water that doesn't quite kill it, but tortures it.
Okay.
All right.
Fine.
You changed my opinion on the lobster machine.
But if you had a lobster machine in like a five star high-end seafood restaurant, that
would be fine.
That would be fine.
By the way, we're, we're stopping that.
To explain this, we're talking about the, the actual like the claw machines, you, you
get the, the little prizes.
You put a dollar in and you get the claw machine, you pick up a prize.
It's that, but for lobsters, live lobsters.
I think that would be nice at like a five star, like a Michelin-starred restaurant to
have a little lobster machine.
Yeah.
Put your quarter in.
What?
And you get the claw.
What does it mean?
We used to think, we used to do something years ago in a restaurant.
It's called nothing but net.
And we'd set up a basketball net in the corner of the restaurant.
And we'd have three foul lines, one for kids, one for women, one for men.
And after you ordered your entree, you went up and took a shot.
And if you got it in, if you got it in, your entree was free.
I like that.
If you didn't get it in, you got a ticket for two shots next week.
I like that.
So then if you could take two, then you could take three, then you could take four.
And we moved the line back.
Gradually?
So about, only about 3% of the people had hit it.
I like that.
It was really, really popular.
It's sort of what you're talking about.
And well in Madison, they had a foot night at State Street Bots where you got to flip
for your, your drink order, flip a coin.
Gotcha.
That's pretty good.
That's pretty cool.
Another way to do is we'll take the wheel, the big spin wheel, and we'll put like five
colors on it.
So you get a yellow dot, you get a green dot, you get a blue dot.
We spin the wheel.
If blue comes up, everybody with a blue dot drinks for free.
I like that.
I'll spin it every 45 minutes.
Speaking of like Dom's sub stuff, I was in a bar like two weeks ago and they had one
of those wheels up where, you know, it lands on one thing and you get a free shot of fireball,
or lands on one thing and you have to do the like whipped cream shot.
One of them was just to get up on the bar and get spanked by the bartender.
I like that.
I had a place years ago where we had an S&M bar in it.
Yeah, let's talk more S&M.
It was called Monkey Bar and it was a hard rock and roll bar.
Okay.
And in the back we had a dominatrix station where you would get a shot and she'd whip
your butt.
Yeah.
So you would take the shot, you'd put your hands on the bar, you'd assume the position,
you'd spread them, and then she'd give you a couple of nice whacks.
It's just good cream fun.
I like this.
It actually was really popular.
People really liked it.
I like this.
The fun was for you to buy Dan a drink.
Instead of watching it.
Instead of watching it.
Yeah, yeah.
So like all these, these are some good novelty concepts to run through.
What trend out there would you say is like on the way out now?
Steampunk.
Steampunk's here to stay, bro.
Steampunk is starting to fade.
But you know, stuff like Dix is getting old, you know, that stuff is getting old.
I'll tell you what's fading and you guys are going to, you know, you're going to start
craft beer.
Craft beer is getting freaking killed right now.
And what's happened in the bubble beer world, what's happened is originally when people
started making craft beers, they were into the beer.
Yeah.
Now they're fricking bankers that are into the money, so that half the craft beer is
now suck.
Yeah.
They're bought out by the big guys.
And it's just not the same.
Yeah.
It's interesting.
I was looking at a research document the other day.
When you apply the word craft to beer, it has a negative consequence now.
If you apply the word craft to whiskey, it has a positive consequence now.
I like that.
So, you know, beer is starting to fade.
It's, there's not one beer company in America that has projected positive sales this year,
not one.
That's crazy.
That is kind of wild.
It's millennials.
Millennials are drinking.
They're moving away from beer and they're moving to wine.
They're moving to spirits.
What?
It's Lebron James.
It's things like a fire, you know, a fireball.
Fireball is a great example of, you know, whiskey, but it's flavored.
Right.
It's whiskey.
I want you to dispel something for me.
And even if it's true, I want you to tell me that it's fake.
I've heard that fireball has antifreeze in it.
I've heard the same thing.
I don't know that to be true.
That's a good one.
I don't know it to be true either.
Give us a definitive list of things millennials have ruined in the bar and restaurant business.
Service.
Service is one.
Okay.
Napkins.
Ruin service.
Like from a service perspective, I'm about to get beat up over this, but there is a difference
between the people that we hire today and the people we hired 15, 20 years ago.
You're talking about the other side.
So the, okay.
I'm just talking about them as employees.
You have to pay them today.
Yeah.
Well, there's a difference.
And you know, we, and, and there's a difference, you know, what's happened today.
And I think that even you guys might be this in a sense.
Okay.
When you grow up with social media today, you can post a picture of yourself looking
the worst you've ever fucking looked.
And somebody's going to, somebody's going to say, man, you look great today.
Oh, bro, you looked at, they're bullshitting us.
So we post this stuff and we get this bullshit gratification from people that like it and
compliment us and it doesn't mean shit.
Right.
So we wait, we grow up getting this instant gratification all the time for everything
that we do.
Cool this, cool that.
Oh, awesome.
You look great.
Great.
So we want everything instantly to gratify us now.
That's why you're a little frustrated now in football season.
No, I'm frustrated because I'm losing money.
Well, yeah, you want, losing all my bets.
That's really all it is.
But so what's happened is though, when people, when millennials now go get jobs, the gratification
isn't as quick as they're used to counterpoint.
So they leave and they don't stay very long.
Okay.
Counterpoint social media lets us know when someone like puts a pub or spits in our burger.
Yes.
Okay.
Particularly the pub.
I think we step out.
Social media also, you can take a picture of like a celebrity that leaves you a really
good tip and be like, Hey, this person's a great person and then you post online and
then they'll come back.
Or tell me he's a dick because he's a famous dick.
Would you fire somebody if, let's say, who's a famous Las Vegas celebrity, we can use an
example here.
I don't want to say Guy Fieri because he's awesome.
Wayne Newton.
Wayne Newton, okay.
Wayne Newton comes into one of your restaurants and he's there with like eight people and
his weird tan and he's dripping all over the table with that bronzer that he's got on.
And he's there, you know, pretty, you know, size party, yeah, pretty good size party.
They rack up a $10,000 bill.
He doesn't need the tip.
He leaves 50 bucks on the table, walks away.
Your server takes a picture of that tip, posted on social media and says, fire him.
You're gonna fire him?
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
What if he leaves $0?
Now I'll tell you what, what I would do in that situation, you know, what would happen
is now I would, she would come up to me and say, I would probably tip her as the owner.
That's Taffer.
That's Taffer.
That's Taffer.
And here's why.
How do you turn this into something positive?
Wayne Newton was in my restaurant, I got pictures of him in my restaurant, I'm gonna promote
it, I'm gonna try to turn it into something good.
I'm gonna give her the few dollars that he didn't give her, try to turn that into something
good.
If I don't turn it into something good, it's gonna be something bad.
Right.
So I gotta stop that projectile and turn it positive.
That's why you're the Taffer.
That's why you're the Taffer.
A lot of people wouldn't try to spin it that way.
Now, would you welcome Wayne Newton back into your restaurant with open arms if you knew
he was a habitual stiffer?
Yes, I would because I wouldn't say no to any customer.
Even if you were a stranger and you didn't tip and you came in, you just can't do that.
And you can't today because of social media, because of what people do, you just can't
do that.
You can't determine who's good enough for you and who's not.
But can we shame bad tippers?
You can, but I can't.
Okay.
That's fair.
Yeah.
You just leaked their names to us and we'll get it out there.
We'll tell it to them.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, that's the deal.
All right.
I do like 20 to 28 somewhere in there.
You guys are good tippers?
Yeah.
Okay.
Great.
I think if you grow up and you've worked in the service industry at some point, you
understand how important, you know, make, you make your living off those tips and certainly
not the hourly wage.
It's a tough job too.
So I like to pay that forward.
Yeah.
I go 20% start and it's very hard for me to go lower.
You'd have to really do something.
I'm the same.
I never do under 20.
Right.
Typically, I'll go to 30 if they're good.
Right.
Exactly.
Then you go extra.
But they know who I am.
Right.
Now, what about bar tabs?
So if I rack up, let's say I buy, you know, $35 worth of beer, all right?
But it's all beers.
Usually I tip, if I'm just going up to the bar one by one, I'll tip like a dollar per
beer that I get.
But if it's at like...
Which could be a 33% tip.
Which could be, yeah.
It's a bucket transaction.
So once they give me, you know, the final bill, am I supposed to tip 20% or am I supposed
to tip a dollar per beer?
So did you tip as you go?
No.
No.
No.
I think there's no difference.
I would do the same 20%.
But you know, I like the fact when people tip when they go.
Yeah.
Because as a bartender, you know, I'm going to sell you a beer for $3, you give me a dollar
tip, that's pretty cool.
It's like nice.
But what are your relations?
You're almost tipping more per transaction in the bar rather than per total.
And then they look at you first and they come over to you and they give you better service.
Yes.
Absolutely.
Yes.
Absolutely.
Here's a good question.
Farm to table.
That's a crock of shit, right?
Good question.
It is.
Because most of it isn't farm to table.
The spices come out of a jar.
Yeah.
You know, this comes out of a jar.
I was about to say that.
Spices.
I'm partners in a distillery in Nevada that is we call ground to glass.
But even distilleries that say estate bottling and everything, I'm going to tell you 90%
of them are bullshit.
They're not growing everything themselves, you know, they're importing other things as
ingredients that they don't use.
Unfortunately, those terms aren't really defined.
Okay.
So you can say them and get away with a lot of gray fringe bullshit on those.
Throw this into one of these bars, sky to jug, and we just serve people rain water.
Not bad.
Not bad.
Sky to toilet.
Yeah.
Not bad.
So then why don't we just serve them grain, alcohol, and rain water, the most pure cocktail
you can.
Not bad.
Not bad.
That's pretty good.
Yeah.
It's actually coming from the earth.
Yes.
Yes.
We're the sky.
You're not going to be the slogan of the bar.
We're the sky and the land meat.
If you're going to drink rain, alcohol, and rain water, then you don't want that to go
down to toilet.
Yeah.
That's great.
That's great.
And we used to do that stuff all the time.
Why don't we do more of those?
That's awesome.
So what we would do is, I used to have to put security guys on the bushes outside.
Yeah.
Make sure.
So if you were the first guy, we'd grab your arm, put them in the ditch.
This is the asshole.
And everybody would curse about it.
You don't do those anymore.
Like, that's great.
It's illegal in so many states to do that stuff now.
Goddamn.
But I'll tell you a great story.
You know what I mean?
You know what I mean?
You know what I mean?
You know what I mean?
You know what I mean?
You know what I mean?
You know what I mean?
You don't do those anymore.
Like, that's great.
It's illegal in so many states to do that stuff now.
Goddamn.
But I'll tell you a great story.
Years ago, I owned a bar in California.
You guys are like this.
And they legalized happy hour.
And you can't do happy hour there.
You can't discount for two hours or three hours.
If you discount, you got to do it all day for 24 hours.
So I can't do two for ones or two dollars off or anything like that stuff.
They're in happy hour.
So I was really pissed off about it.
So I called my banker and I ordered $2,002 bills and I folded the $2 bills in half and
I used them as coasters during happy hour.
And I found that the alcohol authority can't regulate my napkins.
You paid full price for that cocktail.
I can use whatever fucking napkin I choose.
That's a great idea.
So everybody got a $2 bill as a napkin and it took them about eight months to change
the law.
I love that.
And then they changed the law and then I was the end of it.
How many laws have you had changed on you?
How many effort laws?
Like, you know, like the bird law and NBA and there's all these type of laws.
Like a player changes how contracts get made.
How many times have this tapper law gone?
I'm not certain maybe two or three times.
That's great.
That is pretty cool.
That's a goal.
I want to change a law.
I want to change a law.
I want to get off a legislature so bad that they can't do this.
You should do the significant.
You should bring power at that point.
The $2 one mile, a long time old idea of mine is counterfeiting $2 bills because no one
really knows what they look like anymore.
So you could pass those off.
That's not really good.
That's not really good.
When I was a kid in high school, it's a business idea.
It's a business idea.
It's a business idea.
when i was in junior high school not far from here on long island we had a
print shop
and i was printing dollar bills
so i had the negatives in the print and they're up on the clips and they're
drawing out of the developer and everything
and i'm fourteen years old and the teacher walks into the dark room with
the red lights and he sees the dollar bills hang over there and he looks at
me goes taffy you're an idiot
why didn't you do twenty yeah right i realized what a freaking idiot i was
you gotta move so much money with the ones you gotta wash all that was any good
uh... i mean i would do a bigger than normal
i was just screwing around but still yeah um... you hate paper straws too right
uh...
no you know i honestly i'm not i think the paper straws are cooler than plastic
straws but they didn't like break apart in your mouth
depends upon which ones they're three steps what's cool about them is they're
multi-color there's a lot of cool things you can do in paper straws that you can
in plastic and you see the sea turtles
i think i i there's no reason to use a plastic there's good paper ones now
there are there's something there are notice yeah
i haven't seen any good paper ones they haven't made their way out easy good
paper i saw a good paper one but it was laminated like it was covered with
plastic
yeah that's why it's so kind of easy no that's that could be that could be a
biodegradable coating on those two doesn't necessarily mean it's plastic
you could use like a two dollar bills just rolled up
as a straw too yeah i've done that before that many times when you do you
guys ever have a look at me remember those straws
that have the stripes on them that have the powder in it yeah yeah remember those
and you open those and you'd put yes the sugar just straight sugar yeah those
are paper straws um so you're mr. vegas i think i'm we're all
comfortable calling you mr. vegas now okay are you the biggest dog in town
i'm not sure i'm the biggest dog in town i'm pretty well known who's the biggest
dog in town who there's a lot of big dogs in less
give us a list of dogs steve win that's pretty big dog
i used to be here real real big dogs venetian pretty big dog
what about uh david blaine who the who the hell's david blaine
i mean he's a magician i don't even know who he is about copperfield what about
what they did copper copperfield is it going rick harrison from pawn stars
is a player yeah what about the guy who got his uh face
eaten by a tiger oh sick freed yeah sick freed or whether a little retired now
yeah because the tiger thing but they're still very active in charities and stuff
in town you know what's really interesting about vegas is vegas is like a
small town it really is and and this circle of
people that you're talking about all know each other and we all hang together
and it's a really cool town in this way once you're in you're sort of in in vegas
right yeah connected you party with imagine dragons
i have yeah good friends of ours yeah the good guys good guys very good guys so
but you are you were like one of the faces of the
las vegas golden knights in their first year i am picked i was a great great run
that you guys had like i was guys really did it all that year didn't you it was
amazing i was with jeremy ronick last night i saw that on hl yeah uh with
who's great freaking guy oh yeah he is a great guy are you going to um get
season tickets to the raiders yes of course are you gonna get a box no it's
just season tickets but i got one for you you're not a big time player
nap yeah you're getting a box yeah you gotta get a box are you gonna be a hockey
of a hockey guy and a baseball guy that you should get in with mark davis though
that guy's that kind of parties dad he's gonna be the new big dog in vegas when he
goes out we'll see him look out yep even after labor day yeah are you um
big no no anyway the night story was a great story yeah you know initially
they're struggling later we did a good had a good game the other day but we'll
see what happens but it was a uh unbelievable experience to live through
that season as a fan really freaking special yeah and the town really like
kind of rallied around the team which was cool to watch
do you think that they're going to have that same attitude towards the raiders
even if the so the raiders will probably come to town i mean this is like we're
looking to what three years at done the line here yeah next season it's next
next season i think they have to decide if they want to play at like unlv or
something yeah we're in the next two years i think the states coming in
have you seen the stadium cam no i have not there's a stadium cam you can watch
and building it it's unbelievable you know in vegas with one of the only
cities in the world that does three shifts a day in construction
without overtime so this thing comes up out of the ground it's like four feet
a day it's unbelievable right yeah check out the cam it's cool
okay yeah that's actually a great way to kill time but do you think the town is
going to like rally around the raiders even if they're not that great right
off the bat or i mean that's they were kind of all in on the nights
from day one yeah do you see that same thing happening with uh with the raiders
or no well there was a dynamic because of the tragedy last year
so what happened was you know the relationship between the nights and the
fans started before the first game when they went to the hospitals and they
dealt with you know all of the victims from the tragedy and then the tragedy
created a scenario and you've probably seen some of the documentaries where
they felt they had to win because of this really you know i just think that it
created a dynamic that the raiders aren't going to have yeah and you know this
city well John Gruden is his own kind of tragedy just like in a football sense
it could be yeah but but i just don't think that the connection is going to
quite be the same also the raiders have a pre-existing team the nights were new
they were sort of a virgin true true true and it was interesting to go through
that experience though because when they when they announced the name everybody
said that sucks then when they showed us the logo everybody said ah
fucking horrible yeah and then when they did chance our lizard oh it's a freaking
worse man everybody said it was now i think the logo is cool as hell yes the
name isn't so bad the beginning where where you feel like you're high on
ecstasy with the drums and the guys around everywhere i mean that's it's awesome to
watch the flaming arrows like flying across the ice those are pretty cool stuff yeah it's
awesome it's like one of these things where you look at the jerseys yeah they
might not look that great the first time you see them but when you look at the
totality of the team and the spectacle it all works together it does and you know
the branding you're exactly right and it's very vagus you know the production so
there's a vp a production for the team johnny greco is his name who came from
the Bruins who and the cavaliers what who's a great vagus name oh i'm thinking of
joey greco yeah johnny greco stab yeah he's a vp a production for the golden
nights and he came from the cavaliers and the Bruins so so he created all of
that imagery all of that production did an amazing job it's a rain chaser but
something interesting happened last year see we couldn't enjoy hockey because of
the tragedy so what happened was every game started with something about the tragedy
so we could get that out of the way and not feel guilty when we started cheering for
hockey so there was this balance this way they did it that was really freaking cool have you
taken a look at any of the designs from the new raiders stadium like the different bars and
stuff they're going to be putting in are they going to be doing anything new and weird or is it
is it going to be you know like jerry's world again no i think it's pretty i think they're
doing some pretty cutting-edge stuff in there actually thanks some really cool experiential
things do the other thing where it's like you can pour your own beer i've seen that out of
places well no they're not doing that but they're doing the up the up ones where they fill it from
the bottom yeah what is that what kind of what kind of sorcery is that so what it is it does it
from the bottom the trick the the bummer of it is is the glasses are expensive oh because it has
that valve thing on the bottom but what it does it fills it from the bottom up and it fills the
beer in roughly 20 of the time it takes to fill less foam less foam i'm so dumb that every time
i saw that i didn't know it was a special glass i was like how is it getting through the glass at
the bottom right how is it piercing this classic do the poor you're guessing you had a few beers
before you made that the yeah yeah that's my natural state the poor you're the poor yourself uh bars
do those do well because i always get annoyed by them yeah we're not allowed to do it in every city
so it's very regulated that's the one we have the fob yes yes it's pretty cool but what it
does now is they we do it by the ounce so if you pull a half glass you get charged for a half
glass if you pull a full glass you get hard to forget and the problem with it is in most states
i can't sell you more than two at once so the way to do it is to say if you put a hundred dollars on
it i'll give you 120 dollars worth of beer right that's the way to promote something like that right
so i can sell you a hundred bucks at a time you pick up great value you come you use it all the time
yep i can only sell you two beers at a time in a lot of states on it because i can only sell two
drinks at a time yep so you're still coming back and forth to the bar and it just doesn't make it
work yeah what uh what laws or regulations out there are your biggest pet peeves right now that
you would like to see eliminated it isn't eliminated as much as what's coming so right now don't hold
me to an exact number right now it is about 670 pieces of legislation relating to the regulation
of alcohol and bars right now okay sound like meryl hodge it's scary what happens is in a federal
government it's very hard for congressmen or senators to stay up and defend alcohol
so what happens is this shit just passes even if it isn't right it passes because nobody will
speak up against it so things like uh uh uh uh interconnect systems are scaring the shit out
of this what is that that sniffers and cars now it's it's happening in seven countries wait what
do you mean sniffers like a breathalyzer yeah it's they're sniffing units that are built into cars
now a lot of drugs that seems like a good thing people that get dui sometimes have to have these
installed in cars by court orders 40-year-old what they are is they're sniffers and it sniffs your
breath and it knows if you've drank so if you get in the car and the sniffer sees alcohol in your
breath you put the key in ignition the car will not start that's good well it's good unless you
spilt a drink on your pants and didn't drink at all and you get in your car and your child is sick
has to go to the hospital you pour the drink on your leg you haven't been drinking at all very
specific well it seems very specific you're at home because your kids crying and you're about to
just like drink a glass of whiskey to or maybe like give it a drop of whiskey on its pacifier but
instead you drop it on yourself and then put your home so you can change but now you can't take it to
the hospital listen I'm the one that's that's not afraid to stand on the table and defend alcohol
yeah what my point is it's only about 80 percent accurate it's a 20 percent of the time that car
is not going to start and it's not your fault that's bullshit so so you know it feels like it's
save a lot of lives though gonna just throw that out there well let me throw this at you okay about
eight or ten percent of veterinarians in the world are freaking crooks okay so you dent the work
for dogs that you don't need and all sorts of stuff oh I listen I by chart I swiped that if they're
like oh yeah your dog needs this I'm like yep sure about eight or ten percent of all the doctors in
the world are thieves that's why I never go to the doctor about eight or ten percent of the lawyer
I'm maybe 20 percent of them are thieves but my point is this eight to ten percent of almost
any group are the ones that fuck it up for the other 90 percent this is good and it's the same
thing with people who over drink it's about eight or ten percent of the population and they fuck it
up for all of us and you know there's a point where there should be accountability on them but it
shouldn't hurt you if you're not one of them okay these are good points this whole interconnect
technology you know is that kind of a thing I feel like if it's if it is a system truly that is
that can get up to you know 95 99 percent or whatever I think I agree with big cat I think
that's probably a good thing yeah I think so too but it's not yeah technology until we get there
so what other what other regulations are we going to be looking out for you know there's other
things that are going on regulatory wise which relates to hours of operation right to go laws
are changing in a number of places California was about to change to four in the morning
actually in a good direction but it didn't pass so most of the things happening now relate to your
ability to discount okay so it's a bizarre thing if you get a liquor license you sell liquor that's
what you do but you're not allowed to incentivize the sale of that liquor any other business if I
sell t-shirts I can promote my t-shirts I can incentivize my t-shirt I can discount make
I can't do that in a bar business so I actually think the 4 a.m. is a bad idea I think most I think
more places should be like the Chicago law where there's late night bars so you have to make the
conscious decision you have to at two o'clock the bar closes and you have to be like okay I want
to continue my night because when it stays open till four or five you're basically partying and
then you're like shit it's five o'clock I have no idea well you know what happens at that time at
about two in the morning they start coming in drunk from the other bars well yeah of course that's
why it's fun got him drunk right everyone gets in there together it's fun but the problem is
another bar got him drunk and I'm now liable for it yeah so I'm not a big believer of doing that so
I'm with you I think that it should be a special late night license yes and that those people should
qualify for that license you have to wait in line be screened when they go in right and also just
a nice being like okay I do want to continue my night not like you just all the sudden it's four
in the morning you didn't realize how drunk you 90% of the time let me give you an example of something
that's fucked up right now there's a phrase in our industry that says don't drink and drive
that's a good phrase no it isn't okay no it isn't because you can have a glass of wine and drive
true it doesn't mean don't drink and drive the statement should be drink and drive responsibly
or don't drink and I can see why that could get confusing though yes so so my point is this the
message drink responsibly and drive drink don't I mean you can have a gin and tonic and drive home
don't drink too much and drive drink responsibly if you're going to drive so have one my point is this
don't drink and drive is extreme and if people buy into that premise don't drink and drive it
can destroy our industry it means you can't have a glass of wine with dinner and drive home so
it's this messaging is dangerous sometimes I don't know that that many people out there are like
I can't have a single beer and drive when when my daughter was 10 years old if I opened the can of
coke in my car she would go nuts on me you can't drink and drive dad right so there are people that
actually are conditioned to think that way I just on my point is this that you know it it sometimes
becomes almost a little militant on the industry that's right I understand that yeah we want to
protect people you're standing up for us we want to protect people but we don't want to hurt an
industry and there's a balance there's a way to do both you know who you should be lobbying for
is like the google self-driving cars and I'm sure Elon Musk has something because if we get those
humming then go out as loud as you want so I read something written by the the CEO and Mercedes
Benz a few weeks ago freaking blew me away he says in 15 years that we're not going to own cars
anymore they're all going to be electric vehicles you're going to pick up your phone you're going
to uber it or whatever the vehicle will pull up in front of your house it'll be your own vehicle
in the vehicle will be television you'll work you'll do all that and that those changes are
going to change the entire world for example people will live farther from the city because the
drive won't matter anymore there won't be traffic it'll all be coordinated see I call it 15 years
we haven't had hovercrafts yet how the hell are they going to do this what are you talking about I
saw a hover motorcycle two days ago no you didn't I did in a video game google it up it's it's on a
marketplace there's no there's a hover motorcycle now I'm not talking about the Elon Musk stuff where
it's like I got a rocket that goes to mars then it blows up I'm talking real stuff that everyone
can have we don't even have hovercrafts how the hell are we going to have that there is a hover
bike so why do you think let me ask you a question why do you think why do you think google is
spending all this money for self-driving cars because they want to own our lives and create us
make us robots that they can then use for their industry do you think the insurance companies
want to have automatically driving cars or do you think they want you to drive it they want
automatic well no the insurance they make money off premiums yes so they want to make money off us
fucking up yes it is still not not fucking up not paying did not believe I believe the government
wants us to have automatic cars I believe the insurance companies want us to have automatic cars
and I believe that the companies like uber google apple all of this pressure is to take the steering
wheel away from us I think that's probably going to happen eventually 15 years sounds like but why
would insurance yes because we wouldn't we wouldn't need insurance if everything was
automatically right check it thing that he wrote because it's really pretty powerful but what he
suggests is auto the auto insurance disappears the auto repair industry disappears guess that's not
good disappear that's not good I mean is how am I going to have the mechanic who rips me off like
he's got to he's got to feed his family then people said that about computers 25 years ago
that's true well 15 15 years sounds a little extreme yeah that's what that's what they're
claiming okay well maybe for people that like you know for Mercedes Benz maybe they'll be the ones
that are in I don't know if he's right or wrong but it's an interesting premise yeah I like it
it's a little Jetsons if you will yes absolutely all right my last question seat geek question put
in promo code take you get ten dollars off your seat geek purchase if you want to go to a Vegas
night's game yeah maybe see john taffer there I will be there almost every time uh put in promo
code take you get ten dollars off your seat geek purchase I noticed that you dodged a question
earlier what question uh will we get to use your private jet when we come on bar rescue this year
you know guys you cornered me but you know I love you yeah you know that and we're really buddies
but there's love and then there's you can use my private jet love you can use my jet with me
okay okay that's I would never leave him alone no I know I'd be like yeah hey here's a note
chapter said I could fly it'd be a blast if we flew it out together did the episode absolutely
take advantage of that you're allowed to sit in the cockpit and for your listeners and I think we
should reiterate do you have ice cream on it that you okay I'm on it yeah ice cream so I think we
should reiterate that I did lose the bet last year yes you lost the BFT you lost the bet and that I
honored it gave you all the respect you did absolutely you were very gracious and we're gonna do a show
and you are gonna get your cocktails named after you yep okay and I added the recon in an episode
yep and we just added the jet so I am a man of my word we're all contributing to this yeah you just
added the jet it's every minute I'm getting hurt even more yeah and I believe you said something
earlier about like a co-producer credit on the episode which is fine so we get the royalties so
we get a check like the friends check we get that every month every time it airs I just work for you
that week that works yeah that's fine that works that works it told you but 10% off the future earnings
of the bar yeah we told you it's been a long football season I hear you buddy yeah um all right
John taffer thank you as always I love you guys appreciate it love you too love you love you
that's the first time anyone said that to us first I love you guys I love you I always feel like
I'm with family yeah absolutely we gave a hug we love working together long six years six yeah six
years yeah I think we did the first bar rescue in like yeah 2013 so you didn't have one gray hair
when I met you look he's got a couple of sides I died I died here I died ahead is it happening down
below this is over I'll show you later because I'm guessing the more he loses in football the grayer
his pubes are turning yes that goes away first yeah that interview with John taffer was brought
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okay let's get to some segments uh first we're going to do our football guy of the week let's
power through this uh vote at pardon my take we put it up every week we try to get our football
guy of the week on the show the first one we have is football gal actually tom herman's wife so
after texas beat iowa state and i don't know 10 of the country could watch it because it was on the
longhorn network uh there was a picture of tom herman's wife walking off the field with tom
herman and an ok cool ok cool hook them shirt so that is as ride or die as you get she was
basically told about infidelities and how her husband allegedly cheated on her loves rubbing
tug all this stuff and her answer i'm just gonna put his hat his slogan on a shirt and be like
whatever fuck it okay cool hook him yeah it was it was awesome it was cool to see that i don't
know i'm not going to pretend to know what goes on behind the scenes between tom herman and his
wife my guess is knowing how tom herman acts just in general he's probably kind of a dick all the
time yep and uh her finding out that he was getting uh alleged hand jobs is probably the most
normal laid-back thing that tom herman does yes so she's like this is actually a step in the right
direction for her marriage i mean he kisses all his players she probably is like you know what
you can kiss anyone we have an open kissing policy and if they want to kiss your dick you can do that
too there you go yeah uh we have uh jim ross jr he got i what happened to him he fell what happened
to his face he looked like the terminator yeah he looked like he went hunting with dick janey
yeah he got he fell on his face and he basically treated out hey guys took a bad bump last night
but i'll still be at the oklahoma game i mean he looks like death and he was like you know what
oklahoma football is calling even though it's against kansas i don't care i'll be there listen
if you're gonna get road rash on your face the best week to do it is actually the week of halloween
because then you can just pretend that's part of your costume yeah you also go look at your harvey
dent yeah exactly you're going as two faces for halloween again um we have a very serious one
joshua paschal who is a kentucky player beat cancer came back four star recruit beat cancer
came back played for kentucky on saturday awesome story i think he had a few tackles as well
finally a deserved kentucky football player yes no no no this fake you know hey i spell my name
with a k even though it's really ch s h whatever um and then we have david fissdale who coach of the
new york next yes he is the coach of the new york next how many people you think in new york if
you asked him that would get that right uh michael raptor half maybe half uh james dolin probably
doesn't know yeah no no chance he's too busy jamming he brought an axe to the locker room
to motivate the guys yeah worked out well in jacksonville remember that when when jack del Rio
there's no way that nba players respond to this type of shit well you're right they don't but there's
also a good chance that if you have a really shitty team and you bring an axe to your locker room
one of them will use it to hurt another player on the team right and then you have a built any
excuse of why you're bad that's true and knowing what james dolin has allowed by some of his employees
he's probably like that's fine was it an axe or was it one of james dolin's guitars yeah we're
like hey bring shred you guys you want to take my axe into the locker room there's one of his
kazooz actually yeah a little fucking weirdo um all right so vote for our football guy of the week
at pardon my take we'll put it up around noon vote and we'll try to get the person on i don't
i don't know we might have a chance at getting jim ross maybe yeah he's been on the show before
tom herman's wife yeah that would be awesome listen yeah if she wants to come in studio
that's great that'd be awesome perfect okay cool hooking um all right so we have a thoughts and
prayers for urban mire urban mire is not well well wait no wait hold on to maryland they won
no no he's really not well wait oh i'll stay one but no it's a two-point conversion are they
gonna win oh oh they didn't get it oh no he's good okay sorry he's back urban mire on saturday afternoon
was maybe the most fun i've had watching a football game where where i don't have any
rooting interest i didn't even bet i didn't even have the game and actually no i said excuse me i
had the over but it hit so i wasn't even worried about it anymore urban mire every single time
maryland scored he looked like he was gonna pass out he was doing the most dramatic things on the
sidelines going to his knees and like throwing his headset and looking like he was deathly ill
and then ohio state would come down the field score and he'd have his hands up and be like i'm
back i'm good and this is like if you don't think urban mire is going to get the shit kicked out of
him by jim harbaugh and then immediately go to the hospital you don't know urban mire if they had
lost this game he was just going to check himself in if they went down by double digits like later
on in the game after they came back he was going to have a guy with an iv stand just wheeling it
around behind him on the sidelines just like hooked into his arm it wasn't even going to have anything
in it but yeah he was he was being real dramatic he was like bending over grabbing his every time
something bad happened he would like reach up and touch his his brain yeah like he's oh my god my
brain is cramping up and listen there there might be something wrong with him no but but if if there's
something that that that's that bad that's wrong with you what are you doing stay on the sidelines
coaching no there is something wrong with him maryland just scored again oh shit uh no i shout
out to the to the few there's not many most ohio state fans know exactly what's going on they're
like urban is this is urban he's gonna act crazy and do this shit but like i just like ohio state
i like to follow and i respect those fans i got nothing against those fans but the few in the proud
out there who tried to be like oh so now you're health shaming i love you you're so crazy i love
you like the fact that you think urban mire when he when he goes to a knee and and pretends that
he's about to pass out and it just so happened to happen 10 seconds after maryland scored a touchdown
and you think that i'm in the wrong for health shaming i love you we've all had those friends
that that during a sporting event that they're playing in maybe uh they get burned deep or
something bad happens to him and then they're like oh i got a puke and then they go and they
they just like keel over and they just dry heave right and they don't actually throw anything up
that's urban mire that's what he's doing right he's like i feel bad this can't be my fault that i
feel bad if he could stop the game for his own health benefits he would he would absolutely
would stop the game like call time out but it's not a time out it's just a time out outside of
the game being like jim harbaugh please stop beating me all my all my brain hurts yeah so
like the joe paterno thing when he ran across the field to go take a shit well he actually did
when he crapped his pants yeah he was flushed out i'm not going to believe that his health
scares are actual scares until he craps himself on the sideline okay and then that that'll do to me
you might do it when when when he's losing to michigan there's it's going to be some theater
yeah well you know that's how ted newton got out of the draft in vietnam right what just crapped
himself yeah he just didn't shower for like two weeks and crapped himself so that he could convince
the the draft people that he was crazy yeah so if urban mire actually craps himself i'm i'm
buying it ted newton we don't need you to crap yourselves and for us to know that you're crazy
man like you just you're ted newton yeah i've heard i've heard yourself you're crazy uh okay we have
a not to brag what we called it less miles is your new kansas j hawks football coach wow
flight tracking paid off for his big mark man genie era bring it up they're coming back the orange
bowl yeah they're well yeah orange bowl once in like the next seven years and that'll be that'll be a
huge win um their ad was like trolling us specifically did you hear what he said no he was like i put
out a couple fake plate uh flight plans just to throw people off the set but it turns out that
his fake flight plans were from lorence to baton rouge repeatedly so it's like okay and also no one
really cares that much about kansas football yeah he had us yeah i'm i'm worried for less miles i don't
know if it's a good fit as numerous people on twitter pointed out um they don't have a grass field
there so he's just going to be like picking up the little field turf pellets and just like
toss him in his mouth like it's long cut that's okay i'm excited because less miles less miles is
college football like we need him in college football the less miles everyone knows less
miles about do a trick play and like the whole world sees it coming and somehow it still works
is my favorite part of a saturday afternoon and it's gonna be even better when he does like a
fake field goal to get a first down when they're down 42 to 10 to like oklahoma state less miles
his clock management is like andy reid if andy was the luckiest person on earth he's the best and
he just gets it like he'll pull a couple wins out of his out of his hat that will just be like
how the hell does this happen and then he'll lose a few games or like that team should have won although
i don't know if kansas should win any no but it's all going to be icing on the cake it's actually
great landing spot yeah because he gets to be as weird as he wants to be and nobody really care
the great part about less miles too on the sideline how jason garrett just claps all the time
when less miles claps he does the weird clap where only like his uh the like top of his wrist touches
right here's the sound of the less miles clap on the sideline ready
yeah that's it you know that's not go faster go faster go faster oh you're in the wall
we have a little monday reading a real quick this is this is something else i don't even really
know how to explain this so we're just going to read the article we'll start from the top
uh dart darts caller rust bray thrust under the fart gate scandal cloud that's a nice headline
that's a great headline a new suspect has been added to fart gate the scandal engulfing the darts world
as a search for who dealt it intensifies so this is you're going to figure it out pretty quickly
but there is a scandal in the dart world of a guy who's apparently farting during competition
fucking up his you know the the competition i thought that was expected yeah yeah yeah exactly
so here he goes the players at the center of darts latest fart gate scandal both claim to have
smelt it but neither wants to admit to having dealt it as a third figure looms wait hold okay so
there's a mystery guy i want to back up to one of the first lines he said the latest fart scandal
in the dart community oh it's the thing they're they're more they're multiple two time world champion
gary anderson and his 34 year old dutch opponent wezzly harms were playing for a quarter final
spot at the grand slam of darts on friday with the 47 year old scott blowing away his younger
opponent ten two i think i know what that is but it was the rotten egg smells at the oak what's
o c h e or throwing line that we're making noise after the match and have since rocked the sport
so this is a legit like fart gate fart scandal in darts uh-huh um in a post match tv interview
harms 34 claim to scottish rival was responsible for breaking wind on stage but anderson hit back
suggesting it was harms who left the unpleasant smell so they're basically just say he said you
farted no you farted yeah did you fart i'm going with it i'm inclined to believe that the scottish
person probably farted yes they eat oh god they eat haggis right that's a lot of cheese right
haggis is basically just already farts okay you're eating another animal's farts when you
eat farts you fart yeah that's that's gotta go somewhere now pdc chairman barry herne has weighed
in even hitting a third party might be responsible for the offensive odors we've got to get to the
bottom of this this is there was a second shooter this is awesome that this is a real thing i guess
people wonder of blowing off might constitute advanced gamesmanship then again caller russo
rus bray was just about within farting distance so i guess the guy who was calling the match
was within the zone of farting of like the radius of the stink glass okay something doesn't smell
right there's nothing worse than a silent fart this could run and run bray has called darts for
22 years and is categorically denied dropping the bombshell by the way i'm looking at the scott the
scotsman that's definitely a farter he's got a big gold necklace and like six chins oh yeah not to
shame or anything no but that's that that is a look of a man that'll blow a big iron biscuit right
in your nose yeah anderson was strong in his denials when put under the spotlight by harms it
definitely came from table side and it was eggs rotten eggs but not for me every time i walk past
there there was a waft of rotten eggs so that's why i was thinking it was him it definitely wasn't me
i thought he had shit himself and i went that's dirty it was bad it was a stink then he started
to play better and i thought he must have needed to get some wind out that's actually
this guy's getting a little little too accusatory yeah he's very specific yeah so it goes on and
on and essentially this oh and here's the other guy that guy's not a farter skinny guy he could he
could be if he's a vegan because those vegans eat a lot of beans either way i think this this
absolutely is a huge benefit like if you're farting in someone's face and then they're trying to walk
up to a line and throw precise darts if you know exactly where they're going to be standing yeah
but then we have to dig in a little bit to the letter of the law is this against the rules
i think so i think the commissioner basically said it is you have to so it's it's illegal
like yes it's unsporting right but can't willingly fart in someone's radius when they're
trying to throw darts it sounds like an unwritten rule yeah the darts community do you get to
do like in darts do you get to throw like a brush back pitch at somebody like come close to them
with a dart just like send a message that would be good either way this is now like the fact that
there's actually a fart gate i thought we we were almost done with gates like everything became a
gate it was too much fart gate place fart gate 100 place yeah so we'll have to we'll have to monitor
it and by monitoring i mean someone treat us when this gets resolved and we'll we'll update maybe not
even it seems like it's an unsolvable mystery though because just knowing my general impressions of
the dart community they're all they're all just stinky guys they're just they smelly guys they
they've chosen a game that is played in bars yeah like they they chose a game that you drink
you drink stale beer and rotten peanuts and sit there and fart so yeah it's kind of it's
kind of on you yeah and is there any other sport that you could use farting as an advantage like
this like maybe maybe a catcher in baseball yeah catcher in baseball for sure joe west definitely
farts yes a lot back yes absolutely i think uh i don't know that's probably it right probably
yeah catcher in baseball i mean i know if you think that bill parcels hasn't farted on a ref yes
then you don't know football that that guy's a farder you can do it maybe in like a corner kick
set piece if you watch soccer it's called the set piece but maybe a corner kick that would that would
that would harm some people so but either way fart gate i'm in on it we need to if if anyone if
either of these guys if anyone knows these guys if anyone knows the farters hit us up we'll have
one of the fart gate guys on on this show 100 i would absolutely love to talk to them yeah oh if
you're a golfer a golfer like on a t-box that would be a great place i love to fart in people's
backswings beef beef johnson is that the guy's name yeah beef johnson definitely farts 100 um
okay that is our show when we see you on wednesday we will have a bonus extra long show
for thanksgiving for those of you that have to work on friday we'll have picks we'll have a
couple interviews get ready for it and uh i don't know just get drunk for the rest of the week because
this is not even a real week this is the fakest week of the year it is big time fake week uh
wednesday night biggest bar night of the year yeah be careful out there that's but amateur hour if
you're really drunk it is be careful if you're a real alcoholic he's amateur if you yeah if you're
an alcoholic with a half a liver sure what's the point i'm gonna sell my couch and just
skull bottle jack jay was like a real man yeah exactly i love you guys
take me
it's part of my take presented by bar stool sports