Pardon My Take - Life. With Ryen Russillo and Mark Titus

Episode Date: June 24, 2019

A slightly different show today as we do Life advice from 4 guys that probably still don't have it figured out. Ryen Russillo and Mark Titus join the show to talk about the different phases of life in honor of Big Cat becoming a father. Advice to the dumber, younger versions of our ourselves and the Mt Rushmore of things we think were elite at.   You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take, we have something a little different for you. We have life advice to our former self with Ryan Rosillo and Mark Titus. I think you guys are going to really enjoy this. We talk about a lot of different things, and then we also added a little Mount Rushmore of things we think that we are elite at.

So like I said, a little different of a Monday episode, because I had the kid and I'm trying to be a dad for at least the first week, attentive. So we threw this together during Grit Week, and it's a lot of fun. Because it's one long episode, I'm going to power through a few ads right now, and then we'll get to the episode. The Cash App, the number one finance app in the app store. Cash App is the most powerful way to send, spend, and save. It's connected to the free Cash Card, the only debit card with boost.

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Tell them Big Cat said. Just tell them Big Cat said. Okay. Here we go. My child arrived just the other day, he came to the world in the usual way, but there were planes to catch and bills to pay. He learned to walk while I was away, and he was talking for I knew it, and as he grew, he'd say, I'm gonna be like you dad, you know I'm gonna be like you.

Welcome to part of my take presented by cash up. No idea what date this is. Well, it is June. I'll tell you what it is. It is your son's birthday. Yeah. So hopefully knock on wood. My son has been born a health congratulations child for the future.

Thanks. Just like you. Yeah. I haven't figured out a name. I'm LeBron sniff sniff and look at him LeBron cats. I always wanted to name a kid Reggie. Well, I've actually been yeah, Reggie's a good name. I like that.

What's wrong with that? No. What if your name your kid Hank hates cats? Oh, that's pretty good. All right. So we should we should we should set that one up top of the head. So long as that one been in my draft, so this is the emergency. This is the emergency podcast that we're taping in May.

It's we're silo Titus PFT myself. We're in LA. It's the end of grit week. Could Tate not make it. Tate is in the backyard smoking trees. Is that bad that I said that? Where's LA? It's LA.

It's LA. We are doing like an evergreen episode that we can run the day that my child is born so that you still have part of my take. And we thought what better way to do that than have a life advice to your former self and what better way to do that than have Ryan or so on who is old through a midlife crisis. Yeah. Both both accurate. All right.

It's like my joggers. Those are pretty. You are wearing. Do you not wear socks? Are you in the CrossFit now? Well, I mean, personal best is sort of my thing now. Yeah. That's actually one of my life advice to my former self.

I like it when you see a PR on Instagram. That's a personal record. Gotcha. First question for you, Ryan. Have you ever worked out with Jay Glazer? No, but I did go to a house party at his place. Not that long ago. Then got another invite.

I got a follow invite. So you were hit. So it went well. Yeah. Good. A lot of the NFL coaches are like, we like you. Oh. Name of names.

Well, Dom Capers. Okay. I have a real party guy. How does Dom? Marv Levy. Dom's got to be pushing 80 by now, right? Levy was hitting on the girl I was with. Levy, dude.

Marv Levy is like 95 and still got it. Gil Brandt. He just goes, hey, I know I lost four, but at least I made it to me. Yeah. Hey, those are the glory days. All right. So we're going to do life advice to our former self, not the player's tribune, that we were just clowning on, which we can clown on again, JJ Watt doing his, and then I saw a kid in

a JJ Watt jersey under the stands at my high school. Yeah. I remembered. What do you guys think that Derek Jeter is like as an editor? Yeah. He's very hands on. He sends a lot of notes back. He probably just trades away his best writers.

Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. I thought of that joke and I was like, I'm not going to stay. I'm glad I said it. All right. Wait a minute. You guys don't like JJ Watt again now?

No, we didn't. No, we didn't. Did you read? That was an old JJ that wrote that. That was before he was cool. Right. He wrote a whole article saying why I almost retired, so he basically did the retirement without retiring.

I love your narrator voice. Yeah. You're going to develop that a little bit more. Yeah. And he's, and he wrote a whole article that he was walking in his hometown. And by the way, the answer to your question is no, I didn't read it. Okay. Yeah.

So I'm going to tell it to you. He barely could walk in his hometown and he was serious leg injury. He did. And he was thinking about retiring and then he went to his old high school and underneath the stands were kids playing touch football and one was wearing a JJ Watt. Underneath the stands? Yeah. Underneath the stands.

Yeah. A kid was wearing a JJ Watt Texans jersey and he's like, yes, I remember what my mission in life is. Yeah. It's a great reason to come back. Yeah. So if that kid wasn't there, if that kid was wearing a fucking Aaron Donald jersey, he would have retired.

That's my only references. I can make her college basketball. So that reminds me of when coach K took the Lakers job in 2004 and then like some kid in a wheelchair wrote him a letter and was like, coach, stay a Duke. And he was like, hmm, didn't think about that. He brought it up in the wheelchair and wheelchair was actually coach K when he was eight years old, when his team wasn't playing well and he had to fake an injury for a serious back injury.

You want to start like you want to go into order? No. If you're a kid, like you want to start at the age of eight. Okay. Yeah. What advice would you give eight year old? We'll go general ages. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Like mid elementary school. Don't be the kid who shits himself at school. Okay. That is a good advice. Right. I can be with you for, for a decade.

No, but you could. Yes. Oh, you live in the same town, small town, not a lot of, you know, size, it's slippery slow. You can shit his pants. Yeah. Yeah. I would say, um, learn to do everything left-handed tie your right hand behind your back for a

while. That's a good one. Cursive is overrated. Yeah. All over eight year old listeners. Cursive is fucking, you'll never need it again. Here's a really good one. If you type 80085 into a calculator and flip it upside down, it says boobs.

That's a little precocious for eight. You weren't doing that when you were eight? No, no chance. You're a pussy. I don't think you remember what eight was. Eight was. I was looking at boobs. So don't shit yourself.

Use your left hand more boobs upside down. Yep. This actually is pretty good. Yeah. That's pretty good. So yeah. I think eight's taken care of. Yeah.

That's, yeah. There's nothing else. How good were you at hoops at eight? I was very good. I, uh, like you were thinking of NBA. This was, this is the story of my life was like up until eighth grade. I was, I was destined for. Were you the tallest kid?

I was six, four in eighth grade. Oh, so. I don't think basketball in eighth grade. Your magic chance. You're playing all five positions. I was like, dude, this is, this is the greatest thing ever. I'm going to the league. Like this is, and then I just kept getting older and everyone started getting taller.

And I was like, what is happening? And here we are. And I'm six, four now. All right. So, so there's great. I was huge. Yeah. There's a life lesson.

That's huge. I wore armpit hair. Uh, yeah. Oh yeah. I shaved in sixth grade. Fuck. I was shaving in sixth grade. You don't want to be.

So going up to like 12, 13, you don't want to be the first kid with the armpit hair. No. See, the whole reason I have a beard right now is because in sixth grade, I had to, I was the first kid to shave and I wore it like a badge of honor where like in school, everyone knew me as like the guy who could. So like in seventh grade, then I had to grow out like a little goatee and everyone's like, that's so tight. Yeah.

The guy, we have a kid on our basketball team. The fucking goatee. Were you like a stay back weird kid though? No, I would just like hit puberty at like five years old or something. You were normal age. I was like, yeah, like a normal age. You might be like, I'm surprised you became a guard. No offense.

Like normally you guys are like just the worst centers who are great and pick right. Right. Yeah. Well, I grew up in Indiana. It's like a shoot a little bit, but that was gravel. Yeah. That's true. Yeah.

So like all through high school, like in high school football, I grow my beard out and like that was part of it. And like all my friends are like, this is so awesome that we have a guy on our football team that comes out to shake hands at like the coin toss and you got a fucking full beard. Yeah. And then that's just like became my identity. I was a beard guy. You might still have a beard because of that.

You might be like Vlad Guerrero and your parents just like never told you that you're two years older than you really are. That would make a lot of sense that like when I was when I was in eighth grade, I was actually like 26 and that's why I was so good. Were high school girls hitting you up and stuff? Yes. I remember in eighth grade, I dunked in a game and my brother was in high school at the time and my brother was like right in the bench in high school and I'm in eighth

grade dunking and like we would, I would go to, my brother would have a party at his house and like all his friends would come over and like girls were hitting on me as an eighth grader because they're like, we heard about the thing. The dunk. The dunk. We heard you drop like 35 last night and I was like, man, life's going to be so tight for me. That was, that was the pinnacle right there.

So don't peak then. Don't peak early. Don't be the first one to grow facial hair. Yeah. Just suck at a lot of stuff when you're in eighth grade. Or if you're six forward, you play basketball and you're in eighth grade, don't forget the guard skills. Yeah.

Do not forget the guard skills. If you gave advice to a 13 year old right now, like if I gave advice to my own 13 something like make sure you stash all the playboy. I was going to say 13 year old, 13 year old guys is just all about boner management. Right. But now it's like they have porn. I assume. What do you mean you assume?

Okay. Well, I don't know. The child locks and shit on computers or so gets fucking crazy. You're naive right now. Kids will always find a way. No, I know they will. I'm just saying. Life finds a way.

It's chaos. Yeah. But yeah, that's very different. I don't even know how you could give advice to someone who has a 13 year old who has full access to porn versus like every 13 year old in the history of the world prior. They're completely different. Like beings. Did you imagine?

Yeah. You're 13 and you had a computer. The world's at your fingertips. My God. It is kind of scary actually. That is. I'm still ready to say something. I don't know what the fuck is going on.

I just didn't know if other guys get high on this podcast before it started now. No. No, we haven't. We've actually. Actually the last two nights we've been taping and we're just like at the end of a rope by the time this song goes down. It still looks like my career is over. So we feel like we're high.

It's a natural. You know how runners get high if they just run constantly? I'm kind of French. If we run our mouths constantly all day long, we get high at the end of it. We just say the stupid shit. But it's a good point. Like if you're raising a kid in, you know, 2027, how the fuck are you going to keep porn away from that kid?

I feel like P.F.T. You know, I locked in. I think Titus is half with us. You're lost. Well, my question is, is do you have to draw a line somewhere because you can't give in to if you're 13 years old and every time you get a boner, you're watching porno. That's like. Yeah.

That's all I remember about. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes you get on a flight to Omaha and you end up in Detroit. That's what happens when you masturbate online. Yeah. I would, I would honestly tell 13 year old P.F.T. Go no fat.

Just like store all that testosterone. Hit the gym. Yeah. Hit the gym. Yeah. All right. Let's let we'll let's progress. We'll go to the tool.

Let's just go straight to the 20s. Yeah. Let's time vault the fact that we just did like 10 minutes on 13 year olds. I don't even know how to finish that sentence. I know. All right. 20 years old. 20.

Here we go. Now we're cooking. Now we're cooking. 20 years old. You're half a brain. Yep. Third of a brain. No matter how smart you think you are, you're an idiot.

Well, that's the problem with your 20. Yeah. Is that you think you're smart, but you actually only have having a third of a brain. You can't realize that you only have a third of a brain and think you got a full brain. No, when you're 20 and you've only been 20, I know this sounds simple, but this is why everyone is older than you hate you because they all went through the exact same thing where it's like, I got everything figured out and then you just realize you don't. And it doesn't mean you're not smart.

It doesn't mean you're not creative. Like when I think about creative people, usually those peak years are in those 20s. You know, you're seeing things for the first time, you're experiencing them in new ways and you're reacting. And then it's like, you know, I think most creative people, they're special ones, but there's some that's like, hey, you just kind of have like one or two really good ideas when you were young and then it just, you get to hang on for a while. That's most of this stuff.

Music. I mean, how many bands do you go? You know what I liked was their seventh album, like it just doesn't really happen. So that's where if I'm young, I kind of want to be like, fuck you to everybody older who's telling me what's up. But we're talking like the general population here, just the normalcy of going through it. You can't, you can't have any of this perspective that you're going to need and you're definitely going to have a little bit later.

So nobody really wants to like, they may respect you and be cordial and talk to you, but they still think you're an idiot. You want to leave the room and you need to know that when you're 20 because you don't want to believe it. You're listening to this. You're like, that's not true. Screw you guys. But the safest bet in the world is that when you turn 30, you're going to go, I can't believe

I thought the way I did about everything. It's not like your political beliefs change or your morals change. It's just, it's hard to explain, but another third of life experience makes you realize like all the shit that I thought was so important, and I just, I would say I'd finished it this way, is all the stuff you think is so important almost isn't as the old man in the room. Does that ever end? Does this cycle of like, you know, because like the whole reason I got off Facebook was because when Facebook started doing the, hey, you posted this three years ago, I thought

you'd like to see this. That was it. I didn't give a shit about the privacy. I didn't give a shit about the memes or the fake news or anything else. It was, I would log into Facebook and it'd be like, remember when you posted this three years ago and then I would cringe and I'd be like, God, I was the worst three years ago. Thank God I haven't figured it out now. And then three years pass and then I did do it again, like, wait, I was an asshole.

Then does that ever end? Like when you get in your forties, are you looking back at when you were 36 and you're like, man. Bad post never end. I don't think. No. Cause I could go back and see a tweet that somebody replied to that I wrote three years later and I thought it was hilarious.

Yeah. It wasn't even funny. So I don't think that ever stops. I hate that. I harassed you for like a full year and a half on Twitter. Yeah. Because you harassed me so much. I wasn't ever going to give that.

Yeah. That wasn't very funny. That was 20s year old. Like how far back can you go in your, in your tweet history to find something that's genuinely funny? One week. All outdated. I think a day old, I'm still sometimes like, oh, what was that?

To answer your question, I think that it's about the age of 60. I would assume would be the point where you, you don't, when you're 60, you don't look at a picture of yourself when you're 50 and you're like, oh, I was such a shithead. Yeah. You're basically the same person at that point. Right. You even probably look back at that, at that point and you're like, that was pretty cool. I wish I could go do that again.

Yeah. The other, the other thing to your point or so is like just as simple when you're 20 and this sounds very simple because everyone always says it, but it really is the truth. You actually do think that you were 100% invincible. I think of dumb shit. Like I remember I once dove off a dock in Madison in the summer and, and hit my fucking shoulder on the, on the ground, on the bottom of the fucking bad ass, bro. It easily could have paralyzed myself.

Like shit like that where you're like, I'm fine. I'll be fine. And even when you hit your shoulder, you probably got up and you're like, whoa, no, that was crazy. You were like, holy shit. I almost died. Yeah. You're like, wait, what?

I almost fucking was in a wheelchair for the rest of my life. Like stupid shit that you do when you're 20, you honestly think you will survive everything in anything that happens. And it's crazy because it's not. Ryan, what were you thinking of when you were like, when you're 20 years old, you've got it all figured out and you know the answer to everything. But guess what? You don't know shit.

Is there like something specifically that you thought when you were 20? I had like two different stages in my 20s where I was like, okay, this isn't, this isn't going according to plan. Like I never thought I was an idiot. You know, I actually did think I was smart, but I knew enough to think I was like, okay, there's stuff that I don't know, but I needed to get my act together in school. And it was really tenuous of like, wait a minute, maybe I'm just going to be like a guy who works construction.

Not that there's anything wrong with that, but that was kind of what I was always banking on. I'm like, if this doesn't work out, I'm just going to go home and work construction for my father. And then eventually I have my own contractor business and that's what I'm going to end up doing. And it was funny because when that happened and then it happened again when I was 27, I was just like, wow, like, did you think you were like, when you think around, like

this is kind of weird. But if you look around your group of friends and you'd probably nail it, but you go around the room and go, who's going to be the loser and who's going to be the winner out of this group? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And you know, sometimes the guy that you think is the winner is the guy that thinks he

more figured out. He presents himself as having it more figured out. That's another thing I'd give advice to the younger us at 20 is your buddy who like interned at Merrill Lynch in college and then immediately get a job and he's telling you he's going to be an investment banker and he's wearing a suit to happy hour on Thursday and he's at like PJ Clarks. He's 70K. Right.

Right. Yeah. And he's like, we go to Vegas on the weekends and you're trying to scrap together rent money. That guy's more full of shit than anybody because nobody in his bank respects him. He's not doing anything cool. And even though he's making like 70, it's not like to live in New York City. It's not like you're killing it. So you'll do this thing where you start to compare yourself to the guy that it looks

like he's winning the most out of your group of friends and there's a really good chance like his life is going to be reset three or four different times. So don't do that. Don't compare yourself to that guy. You also have to look around the room go, am I maybe the loser of this group? Yes. Because that's like a really nasty conversation and I had that conversation with myself right now.

Like I never looked around the room and thought I'd be the loser out of this group. And then two different times I'm like, I bet every one of my friends is like, we're silos the loser out of our group. See, I feel like everyone's had not me, not everyone, but most people have had that internal dialogue with them. So I remember vividly two years out of college, my friend group, everyone had the Merrill Lynch job or Deloitte or something like that. And I was not in the real estate market crashed.

And I was like, wait, I am the loser. Like this is me. I'm the loser. Why? Were you doing real estate? Yeah, I was doing real estate and it fucking crashed. Were you telling everybody before it crashed that you were killing it? No, I was just building houses.

Because that's the guy I love. No, I was building houses, but it literally was like you fired half the staff like six months in and they were like, hey, this guy makes $30,000 a year. Let's keep him. And I looked around and I was like, wait, everyone else is killing it. And I suck. And I feel like that happens to everyone to have that moment to give yourself credit on this is that the fact that you even have, and I guess I'm giving myself some credit

to, do you even have that self-awareness to go? I think I might be the loser of the group means you probably end up being the loser. But that was just the thing like, you know, people mature at different ages. I matured later than my friends in a weird way. But then some of my friends are like, you matured way ahead of us because you knew like no matter what, I am fucking doing this and this is all I'm doing and everybody get out of my way. And I don't care about any of that other stuff.

So if I were to sum up that whole thing, it's, it's don't get so caught up in like comparing yourself to the other dudes because you're going to have some real Alex P Keaton types. Anybody get that reference? No, no. You're going to have some guys that are just getting after it and you're going to think, oh man, I suck. It doesn't matter. That the dude that is looking like they have their shit pushed together or put together

when they're 23, 24 years old, that's the guy that hits the midlife crisis first. Absolutely. That's the guy that wants to get away from it because it grew up too fast. You're going to lap them. Yes. Yeah. Eventually you will. You're going to catch up.

On the other hand, I would, I would actually tell my younger self like age 21, 22 to spend more money because like I was afraid when I was like, when I got out of college, I was like, I don't know, you know, okay, I do the math every month. Okay. I'd have this month for rent and then I don't have that much left over. I'll try to save some and I was like afraid of doing cool stuff sometimes because I didn't know if I was going to have enough money to make rent the next month. Like take, take some risks with your money.

That's a great call because I've had friends that actually have said and you know, these are like, there's different lanes for all this stuff, but a couple of my friends that are really successful. Their whole thing was, I'm not going to worry about saving money in my twenties and I know that sounds ridiculous and you know, look, put a little aside, but if you're sitting there being like, okay, I'm going to live this cramped lifestyle when I have a decent job and I have prospects and your whole career has to be like, is this growing? Am I going to be going?

Because if it is going to go in the right direction, then you're going to be making that money back in your thirties anyway. And I think there's a real thing within your twenties to just go experience life as much as you possibly can. I think people should go to college in their thirties. Agreed. I totally agree with that. I think if I went to college right now, I would love it.

I would enjoy it because I like learning. Right. Right. When I went. No great note taker. I was like eight. No, I suck at taking notes. I'm super disorganized, but I would like to go to college right now and learn stuff.

When I went, I was 18 and I just wanted a piece of paper when I was 21, 22 saying, okay, you have a degree. Good job. I was an English lit major and I think I read maybe two books my entire four years because I would just like go online last second, look at the spark note. What about a college for adults? Why don't we start? No, it shouldn't.

You should have to go get a job for five years, then go to college at like 24. Yeah. I don't think I learned that much in college. I really don't. I think I learned how to fake tests and like just skate by using, you know, show up to class and figure out what everybody else is talking about and then kind of listen to them, figure out what's going to be on the test. I learned like how to skate my ass through college, but I didn't really learn anything.

Right. If I went right now, I feel like I would really learn stuff. And you're a student of life. Well, this is a problem. Yeah. This is a problem I had my whole life where I was, I was shooting for my armpit hair and I could dunk and I was really popular and women wanted me and I was like, God damn. When did you have sex first time?

You probably had sex so early. So early. We're going to get to watch your number later. Yeah. You're, you're, you're pursuing, you're pursuing the end result and not the process of like, like I never really learned how to like study or how to work hard. I learned that like, I'm in school, I'm trying to get an A on this test by any means necessary. I didn't cheat, but it was like, I don't, I'm not going to retain any of this shit.

I'm just trying to get the A on the piece of paper so then I can get the cool GPA so then I can get into the college and then, and then I can have a great life and at no point did anyone like, did I really think about, you know, like it was better for me to like get an A plus and not learn anything than to be the guy that got like a B minus but like learned a ton and had a lot of growth in that class and like, wow, that was very enriching. Um, and I feel like that's a mistake a lot of us make. It sucks because all after the, yeah, all the, all like those quotes, they're actually

real. Like when you like, oh, you learn more from failure than success. Like fuck it. Yeah. It's so lame, but it actually is real and it feel like a douchebag for saying the way message got me. It's true. Yeah.

No, if I had to do it over again, I think I'd probably not, I wouldn't go to college until I was 25 years old. That would be really weird. And well, no, I think it would be weird at the time, I was like, I had, I had friends that did that same thing and then go to college until they were like 22, 23. I was like, that guy's a fucking weird guy. Yeah. Don't you look back on, I don't know if you guys had this when you're in college, but

like, well, I did have guys that were like in their thirties in some of my classes and we would, I remember that was that, that was that JC transfer. Yeah. I remember laughing at the guy that's 30 years old in class. That's hilarious. And now it's another, it's one of those things. You look back, you're like, man, I really wasn't asshole. We had a, we had a lunch lady in high school go, go for a high school degree.

That was awkward. You know, when you're in high school, you're not like really mature enough to like deal with that. No one can be cool about that. No, she, well, I mean, it was, it was, it was Martha's vineyard. So like, she didn't have a lot of other high school options. So she went to high school. So the lady that took our lunch money, who started trying to go back to get her high

school diploma and we were all really supportive and we're now like guys, we're totally freaked out about it. We're all shit head 16. You haven't turned that into like a romantic comedy. Seems like it seems like a limited series. What would season three be? Plotty Madison to run through it, right? Because the first season, she's your lunch lady.

Second season, she's your classmate and your lunch lady. Third season, she's back to being your lunch lady. Third season is just to build up the prom. Four seasons. She's selling meth out of the lunch lady cafeteria. Right. Okay. And then fifth season, she gets her degree and she marries one of the chefs and everybody's

happy. Boom. There's a show. I don't want that show. I actually delete that. Somebody will steal it. Yeah. No, that's true.

We will definitely steal it. So moving forward, the quarter life crisis, which we've all talked about before, but that shit is real. It's very real. 26, 27. And you're like, wait, I'm just going to be doing this job forever, like for the rest of time. And you have to stop and be like, I think I want to do something different here.

I think for me, it was when I was 20, I thought I had it all figured out, but I had half a brain or third of a brain. Yeah. But you weren't playing. So at that point, you had to figure like, you're viral before viral. Yeah. You were like a first school, like social media guy. You were way ahead of us.

That is funny. Like you were very far. Who was the guy in the Marlins? Who was the guy in the Marlins that everybody, Logan Morrison that everybody loved because he was like a funny Twitter every now and then you were, you were him before he was him. Yeah. I had a very easy.

Yeah. Like looking back, it was very, very easy because again, none of the tweets that I tweeted were any good whatsoever. It was just like, holy shit. This guy is on a basketball team and it's like, not taking pictures. It was just you and Shaq on Twitter anyway. 2009. It was different, man.

When I was 20, I thought I had it all figured out and I obviously did it. And then when I was 25, it was like, Oh shit, I don't have this figured out. And that's like the panic sets in. I think that's what it is. And then it's, you take those next, for me, it was like, I took those next five years and it's not like I haven't figured out now, but like I kind of, I kind of do when you hit 30. So I feel like that's the progression of 20 to 25.

You know nothing, but you're not fazed by it. You're like, you don't understand. Yeah. Your half a brain doesn't let you understand that you only have half a brain than 25 hits 29. You become aware that you've only had half a brain for all this life and you're like, shit, I got to grow a full brain here and you spend 25 through 29 being like, uh-oh, what's going on?

What are taxes? Yes. Really? Hey, Justin, his taxes for the first time, 26, 25, 25, 25. Also when you get your first place, the bills that come in the mail, you actually have to pay those. Yeah. Yeah.

That's a big one. I was like, some assholes telling me I owe money. Fuck you. I've never met this guy in my life. We used to have a thing. Dominion resources. Hey, one of the apartments I lived in, I think one was 22 was Burlington and we didn't pay our electricity bill until they came to shut it off and the guy would show up every month

and be like, I'm here to turn it off. He'd be like, hold on. Yeah. And that's how we pay. Flip the couch. Yeah. So it was like, that was their process and we thought like, yeah, we kill it. We pay it every month.

We're like, no, no. He's like, you guys got to stop doing it. Send in a check like the rest of society here. But the 27 thing, it happened for me at 27 too, but I never know if that's just nature or if that's just where you're at in 27. There are people that are, I don't know if it's being more simple. I don't know if it's having expectations that are lower sometimes in a weird way. Like I think having lower expectations could be a way more fun way to go about it because

you just be at peace and you be content. And I think there's a lot of people out there and part of me admires them for that. And if you're able to achieve that at an earlier age, then you shouldn't listen to anything we're saying, but there's a real part of it too, where I knew very early on I was going to have to do something different. And when I'm hanging out and I'm bartending and I'm sleeping in until noon and I'm golfing or playing pickup hoops and then I'd fish on the lake and then I'd go in for a 10 o'clock shift and then I'd stay up until four again and then do it over and guys are like, you're

killing it. It's awesome. That does sound pretty cool. Awesome. And you're like, I'm killing it at 25, but I don't, I don't, you know what I mean? Like I don't want to do this when I'm 30 and guys kept coming up to visit because I was still in the same town where I went to college and guys were coming back up to visit and a couple of guys are engaged and I'm like pouring them a couple beers and they're looking

at me and I'm going, they're not looking at me with admiration. They're going, holy shit, Recillo stayed. But you were also kind of their vacation a little bit. It's like, I'm going to go party with Recillo this weekend because it's like, that's the old days. Well, that was, yeah, it was cool for them, but like on Sunday when they went back to reality and then I was like, yeah, I have the day off. It is the first time you go back to like the college you went to and you are like, okay,

I'm a little old here. That's like when it starts to set in. This isn't what it used to be. Like 26, 27, you're like, oh, this is, we're not, this isn't what we were doing like five years ago. Okay. But let me, let me just ask all you, because you're right, but if I ask you guys this stuff and here's kind of the, the part of it that's the game is if you didn't have those inner

things, those freak outs, would you have achieved any of this stuff? No, absolutely not. So I've driven myself crazy, but I also knew deep down that if I was the guy that was like, hey, I met somebody who was great at 25 and I could have married or I could have had kids and I could have sold insurance, but I knew, I knew and no one told me, hey, you're going to be miserable, but I just knew I was going to be miserable if I did that, that way. So I had to do it. And then, you know, they think the overall thing is like, all that shit, none of it matters.

Some girl's going to dump you and it doesn't matter. You're 20. You know, if you get dumped at 60, that's a different conversation. You know, if you lose a job, it doesn't matter. Like all the things, because you haven't had that life advice, all these things that you think matter so much at the end of the day, they don't really matter. Like I remember I went home, I went away to like take some gig and it was like a non-air thing and everybody wrote it up in the local paper.

It was a big deal. I flamed out in like six months and I was home shingling and guys from home were like, give me the like, oh, Mr. Big Shot. And I'm like, fuck you, you're still here. Like you didn't even leave and you're making fun of me. So now is the look who had hopes and dreams over here. Yeah. That was the agro phase of your life, right?

Who's too good for the oyster bath. It's funny. So when I was 27, what you're describing like that was my life, but it was a little bit different because I had a job. It was a pretty good job for a 27 year old. I guess. No, that was after that. Oh, okay.

So I was selling software, custom software in Austin, Texas. That must have been the best software ever, man. I have no idea what the fuck software is, right? But I was, I was, you even get into that. I took a job selling used dogs and parlayed that into selling portable appliances over the phone like an inbound sales rep. That sucked parlayed that into selling software testing. I was so bad at that that the company folded and then I parlayed that into selling custom

software, which I didn't understand, but I was good at it. I think, um, and I got to the age of about 27 and every single day I was like, my paychecks were good. They were really good for 27 year old. How much? Um, I think when I was 27, I made 125,000. Whoa. I still had.

But the real. So yeah. Back. But, but here's the deal. What's the job again? What? I mean, 12 grand. You have contacts.

Here's the thing, like I was not happy. I was miserable because I didn't give a shit about my job day in and day out. Music scene was good there though. Music scene was really great and I hated going to work and bank, bro. Yeah, I was. Why did you quit? Yeah. Well, I don't know if you heard me, but I was like the real estate market still hadn't

bounced back. I was making 40k. Here's what happened. Okay. Otherwise, I was addicted to the paycheck. And if I kept going down this path, I was just going to, I was going to base my entire identity around how much money was in my bank account at the end of the month. And that's like, that's not a good reason to have a job.

I don't think I was not happy with things and I want to be creative though. I want to be. Right. Exactly. So you started dabbling a little bit. Didn't you tell me once you spent like way too much time at work just writing stuff on message boards? Yeah.

Well, not on message boards, but I guess you could, you could consider Twitter. That was such an owned. You could consider Twitter to be a message board. And I auditioned like as a joke for Bleach Report wrote the worst column on purpose of all time. No way. Oh yeah. I, that's how the character started was a, you, you, you wrote like a, you wrote a column

and Ernest and then someone wrote back and was like, this is so shitty and you're like, yeah, that's the joke. I wrote a joke the whole time. I wrote a column and then he was stuck for life. And that's how we got here. I wrote a column and it was that they should fire Chuck Pagano and have Bruce Arians stay the head coach of the Colts when, when Pagano was coming back from his illness, just because like Bruce Arians had won a bunch of games and Pagano had a, anyways, he kept the light

on anyways. Honestly, I could see somebody on TV doing that. Yes. Yes. Yo, it was an homage to Rob Parker, I think on FS one now, but I, at that point, I remember being like, I'm not happy. If I keep going down this path, I'm just going to build a lifestyle around what I'm getting paid right now.

And so I'll end up buying a house that's too expensive for me. I'll end up buying cars that are too expensive. It's horrible. No, no, like I, I wasn't on the path to be like, you're kind of shitting on me now. No, I, what, no, I'm not. I wasn't going to be a millionaire, but, but, but a ton of people out there, I think, especially in sales jobs, they get addicted to the paycheck and they're, they're miserable. And by the time they turn 40, if they're still going down that path, they've got a shitload

of other problems because they're not happy with the rest of the life. And for me, I was like, you know what? I want to quit and I would be so happy making $50,000 a year as a writer. That was like my dream. That was my moonshot. Like $50,000 as a writer for the rest of my life. I will be so happy. I know you were talking about this earlier, Titus.

Your parents are teachers, right? My parents were teachers. I, I was the same way if I thought if I made 70 grand at any point in my life, when like in my mid 40s, if I peaked at 70 grand a year, I would buy some tiny ass house and bum fuck Indiana and just have a yard. I would have been like, yes. Yeah. I made it.

That's it. My, my mom was a teacher and so that was our income growing up. And so it was like, I know that I can be happy with not a lot of money. I just want to be happy. And I wasn't happy. And it was at that exact age of 27, it's like, you better get off this ride now because if you're 35, 36, 37, still doing the same thing, you're fucked. You're just, you just dug yourself a hole.

This goes back to like the things that people tell you when you're growing up and you don't believe where it's like your happiness has to come from within because if you do start comparing your success and your happiness to paychecks and you're like, I'm making less than my friend, he must be happier than me. Um, that's, you know, that's, that's not accurate. You could be happier making less. Yeah. Possibly.

Yeah. But I also know what it was like to be fucking broke. Yeah. And well, I mean, it was, it was the worst. It was the Maslow's hierarchy of needs, right? Like you reach a certain level of a shit. Yeah. Bust that out.

Like you got a roof over your head. Where's dimple during on that? Yeah. You get a certain, I mean, once you get to a certain level, then you start seeking the enlightenment or whatever. But, um, Is this one of that new Jared Diamond? No, but I think like that's, that's something that, uh, it's, it's very easy to, to like

try to convince yourself of that of like, um, again, like for me, I have a lot of friends not to brag that were, uh, in the NBA, very, very young age. Congratulations. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if you've heard of them. Um, but no, so it's, it's easy for me. Like when I was 19 years old, I had friends making millions and millions and millions

of dollars and I was like, fuck, I will never do that. And you have to like, and then part of you is like, am I saying that I can be just as happy as they are because I am just trying to internalize this and, and, and lie to myself and convince myself. And then you get older and you're like, no, I can be happier as happy as they are. Cause money's not everything. Right. Yeah.

It's like, yeah. I mean, Midwest values right there, 27 to 30 is, I feel like the sweet spot of everyone has that freak. I mean, I guess we're still, it was right though. There are people who have figured it out earlier, but I think for a lot of people, male, female, whatever, wherever you may be, you hit that like 27 and you're like, fuck, like 30s. But think about it too. Think about this way.

Like if you're close to that age, you're having that freak out now and you know, whatever you're listening to this podcast, I'd rather have it then that at 40, that's like a, I moved to Manhattan Beach and screenwriter. Yeah. I should also really bad. Then everyone's like, shit. I will also make clear that like you can make a ton of money and be happy. So like, I'm not saying, I'm not saying and you are, and you're one of these people and

you're listening to this and you're like, I'm 26 and I make 200 K like I'm not telling you, I'm not telling you like the noble and righteous thing to do is quit your job and go slum it on pro football talk comment section, try to get Bleacher report to publish your ship at 25 K. Yeah. I'm not saying that's like the path you should take. Like if you're, if you're well adjusted and, but as long as the happiness is coming from within and as you said, and you're not chasing the paycheck, I don't think I knew a lot of

guys that I worked with that were, you know, happy, just a lot of dudes, you know, just dude magnet. They were, they were, they were mostly happy and good for them. You're absolutely right. You don't necessarily, I'm not saying if you have a good paycheck at that age that you're fucking up because you're probably doing great. But for me, I just knew at that point, it's like you dig any deeper and you're in a hole you can't get out of.

Were you the mysterious rich guy in Austin? I wasn't. No, this is one year. Did you not hear the part where I was to use dog salesman making five 15 an hour? That was before that. And then five 15. Where were you? Where were you?

Kenya? No, I was, I was in Dell Valley. I was in Southwest Austin driving eight dogs a day from a shelter that was infested with ticks to the local pet smart and hoping to God that I got a puppy that day, because if I had a puppy, I could bring people over and they donate more money. And then I would get a cut of that at the end of the day if I got enough. And if you, if you adopted enough dogs out, they would give you a little like $20 spiff. Send you on your way.

Be like, go get some five guys on your way home. Good job. So that's where I was at. But then you have. Where did you grow up? Uh, originally Northern Virginia. Where, where does the Michael Vic dog thing? Uh, no, that was in middle Virginia.

Long, long, long ways away. I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to connect some thoughts. I found Mola's dogs home. I don't know. I mean, I just tried to. I still remember their names. You didn't go to high school in Newport News? I did not.

I was trying to disconnect some. Yeah. I'm not trying to narc on anyone. All right. I'm going to bring it back on track here. I wrote down two things for. You might find 30. Yeah.

Go for it. Oh, another piece of advice. Don't jewel. Well, when you hit 30, don't be afraid of it because it just happens. And then you're like, shit, I'm young again. Oh, it's the best thing ever. Are we still talking about jeweling? Yeah.

Yeah. Jeweling. I don't think it's a good time to start. Not even once. 42. But that, the, the, when you hit 30, you're like, oh, that's all that bad. Because I remember being like, fuck, 30 is going to suck 30 was, I, this is. 30 is fine.

Yeah. It's going to sound like a lie, but it's, it's the honest to get truth. The very first time I ever got heartburn in my life was on my 30th birthday. Yes. I swear to God. Yes. I had, I had wings on my, and I, it was, it was not an unusual meal for me. And I'm the night of my 30th birthday.

I just had some wings and started burping up. And I was like, what is, and I call my brother in a panic. I was like, what the fuck is heartburn? Yeah. I think I might have it. And he's like, describe what's going on. And I described it. And he's like, that's heartburn.

The heartburn starts also. Yeah. Yeah. Getting back, getting good shape before 30, because once you hit 30, you're in that same shape forever. I'm like a fucking walking poster child that I haven't been able to get back in shape in five years. Hmm.

Or still has been ripped for like, no, I had a little skinny fat phase after college. Oh, yeah. But before 30, you cleaned it up. Yeah. Before 30. That's, I don't know. I think this is dangerous. I think you can flood.

Yeah. I think you can get it back. Big head. Don't, don't, don't have. Don't hurt yourself. Don't do crossfit. You'll get hurt. I, I still keep thinking.

I just like, there's certain times you have to be honest. Don't be afraid a lot of yourself too. Don't be afraid to say like, I'll walk around and be like, I haven't hit my peak yet. That's probably not even close to true. I will, I will like walk around like I bought the new Durants and I go, I say, I've got, I might be the best player I've ever been and it's not even close. I suck. I can't dribble.

I get tired really quick. I'm always hurt. Don't, if you're good at pickup hoops, don't take off five years in your 30s from playing and try to pick it back up. Oh shit. Why'd you take off five years? Because I had a crack in my leg and I didn't have insurance and I couldn't run. So I had the only thing I could do for cardio was the elliptical.

And so I couldn't find a good run. I was living in downtown Hartford. I went to a place on Albany Avenue to play pickup and the cop came over and was like, what are you doing over here? Like why are you playing pickup basketball? Like do you know where you're at right now? Right. I was like, I don't know.

I just saw some kids outside and figured I'd shoot around. Right. They were like, no, no. So yeah, that's, that's one, but don't be afraid to build yourself up with a couple of guys. Oh, yeah. If you're not lying to anybody else, what's the harm in lying to yourself about how great you could be?

Yeah. Look in the mirror and be like, I can hit this. The other thing that sucks is when you document every this is very not relatable, but when you work in this line of business and you can basically see how old you're getting, how fucking fat you are compared to like play back old podcasts for your life to start diving times a day that I get a tweet being like, yo, dude, you used to be fucking used to be in good shape. What happened?

I thought you used to be fatter. So I never understand why you get this upset about yourself. No, I used to be a lot skinnier. Really? Is this the worst you've ever looked? Uh, no. No, no, no. Well, you know what?

Everybody's slain. No. Yeah. That was quick. That was way too quick. You know what the good thing is? I'm thinking of one specific vision is that guys that have trouble staying in shape. Once they have a kid, it gets way better.

It's that time you wore that red softball shirt or whatever. Oh, yeah. That's Alabama, Wisconsin, uh, game in Jerry's world. I wore, I accidentally wore red on red on red and I walked into a, uh, motor home place and Hank was filming me and I looked like the Kool-Aid man. It was that. And it was saved Detroit. It was like.

Yeah. The one I'm thinking about. There's some. Yeah. The one. Oh, yeah. The Macklin. But hold on.

There's like five nominees. No. There's so many more than that. I'm thinking of like that. Uh, when Larry died, when Larry the Goldfish died, I was wearing, I was fucking huge. I think this might be some life advice though, is maybe be fat in your twenties because then because listen, I got really, I, I weighed 70 pounds more than I weigh right now. 70.

Yes. There was a period of my life. This was like four or five years ago. I would wait 70 pounds more than I weigh right now. What did you weigh? Uh, 255. I got up to 255. I do have pictures.

Can I see? I was, I remember you being thick, but I, 255. Yeah. What were you, what were you at when you left Ohio State? Uh, I fluctuated Ohio State because they had me playing. One year they had me playing the four in practice because we didn't have any big guys. So like I spent the whole year just like eating and lifting weights and I got up to like 225, but it actually, I wasn't that out of shape.

I was like, I don't know. You kind of loved me. I was like the Zion. Yeah. I was a 64, 225, four man. You were like Zion, you said? Yeah. I was, I was basically Zion.

I was like, Zion, like, yes, is I think a better shot though. I think I was like 210 when I was playing, whatever, some down the, what were you doing when you were 255 eating a lot and not, not exercising and like just chilling in the suburbs of Ohio and just like, he grew a sick ass beard. I had a thick beard. The beard hit it. The beard hit it really well. I didn't know you were that.

I mean, that's a, I mean, that's a, like, Trevor, if you're going to be fat, make sure you have a beard. Yeah. But I think that's the, and then now I see these pictures and I show the pictures to people and I'm like, like people are not inspired, but they're just like, damn, dude, you lost a lot of weight. Good for you. Whatever.

And it's because I set the bar so low that I, you know, so some like old man gave me advice on that too. He said, whenever you get married, make sure you're really fat because then like that's the one picture that everyone compares you to the rest of your life is like, that's the one picture you put in your house is like you on your wedding day with your wife. And so when you're walking by, they're like, damn, you know, that guy actually was just Johnny sins. You wanted to fuck your wife.

You don't, you don't want to be the guy that's like, you know, as someone comes over and they look and they're like, Oh, what happened to you? Like, where's this guy? But there's something else here. Like girls do this where like the one that's kind of cute has the ugliest friends. Yeah. And I'll, I can tell right away. I mean, like you kind of work at the mall and you know, you're from the area, but you

know, you went, you went to New York City for like eight months. It didn't work out. And now you hang out, but you're always, you always look better than anybody else. Don't be afraid to be a guy to do that. Yeah, I'm afraid to recruit your friends. Like I have, like we all know guys. Okay. That like there's some, some guys that stop looking at me.

No, I was going to say, like when I went out with Chris Long and Matt Bushman, I was like, that's not fair. It's just, no, but like some people met us out and like one of the girls was like, you've never been uglier. So, you know, it's just, it's worth just looking around at your peers. And if you're still single and you're hanging out with the guys that are all better options than you, that are also still single, not granted, those guys are happily married, but my point is that, you know, sometimes like it's, it's better

for you to go to that, that Sunbelt school. Yeah. Maybe go to Purdue instead of Arizona State. That was a very, that was an oddly specific type of girl you were talking about. Like never left town, works at the mall. Is there some, I was thinking about somebody. Yeah, we're still, what's your name? I have all sorts of scouting reports.

I could, I could tell right away. I was like, oh, I get it. Like you think you're, you're pretty hot. But like, if you went to New York City, like you left New York City because no one paid attention to you. It's Jacqueline, Christina, or the Q, QY. Sarah, are we close? All right.

Uh, should we go to the mall? Well, let's wrap it up with the life advice. I don't know what else we got. If somebody offers you some sort of new HGH creatine thing that says that it's totally not going to fuck up your hair. Yeah, let's go rapid fire. Quick ones, rapid fire, quick ones. Handwritten notes, right?

Like it just, you don't have to, you don't have to get in a habit of doing it, but just like curse if not overrated. You don't have to be cursive just every so often. If you just send one person a handwritten note and any, for any reason, just to thank you, a happy birthday, it'll blow their mind. No one sends anybody handwritten notes. So if you're the one, just the one time, all you have to do is one time. That's actually good.

Send one person a one handwritten note and you'll, they'll remember that for the rest of the, they'll be like, that guy sent me the note one time. The follow up is actually something that gets lost on a lot of people. The follow up email text after every guest. If I have their, if I, if I can even DM them, it's just the, Hey man, that was awesome. Even if it wasn't awesome because they're just like, that was awesome. You do that to me.

We'll get stuck in a loop where we'll cut to the conva, we'll cut the interview and I'll be like, thanks man for having me on. You're like, yeah, that was awesome. Like, yeah, it was awesome. It was awesome. And then we hang up and then you text me. Thanks dude. That was awesome.

I'm like, yes, it was awesome to do that to Rasil. That seems to go on and on. Rasil is deep in his own brain right now. I'm going to have to text him on the way home being like, Hey man, thanks. That was great. Like that is going to be a text. Let's get a group chat going. Yeah.

That was all for us. Like, Hey, I thought you killed it. No, don't you need to follow up? The follow up is huge. Follow up is huge. Follow up is big. Lost on people. Van Pelt used to send a handwritten note to every guest we had

for the radio show. Damn. And then he got the Sports Center gig. He was like, I'm here with you. But he doesn't. But you don't have to continue to do it because I'm sure like the people that got the handwritten notes in the first place probably remember that shit forever.

You just have to do it. You don't have to be that guy your whole life. Just like be it for one. Drop it once. Once. And that's all it takes. It's like the random getting the flowers randomly as your hero. You know, drop it once.

I wrote down at some point in your life, you've got to have stadium seating in your living room. That's big. You're talking tears? Yeah, oh, yeah. Oh, you send your blocks on the couch. Oh, yeah. No, we built a whole platform in college.

I'd like to do that now if I had room. Yeah, we fit 14 people who grows out of lofts, not this guy. Yeah, exactly. I'm telling you, do stadium seating once. I was to feel it. I would say like a real nerdy one just always wear a seat belt. Oh, how far are you going? Damn.

Yeah, seriously. What about a bike helmet? Have to say I don't give a shit. No, let's go drive off a cliff. No, like I was I got t-boned one time and I was maybe two blocks from my house and I was wearing a seat belt. And if I wasn't wearing a seat belt, head, boom, side windshield, boom. How do we know this, by the way?

You know, you always hear these stories of the if I wasn't wearing the seat belt, this would have happened. We have a forensic, like, is there a model like a computer grad? Do you get John Brinkus? I'll blow your mind around there. That's like, how do we know what would have happened? Analytics debate. No, seat belts are good.

I'm talking me into the seat belts being bad now. I'm saying, how do we know what where your head would have bounced off of? Had you not. I was told and I just accepted it as fact. But whenever I read that stuff, it's like 98% of the accidents happen within five blocks of your house. That's how that's how that's really good. But then I immediately go, OK, but did some analytics nerd come up with this?

Because if you really think about it, every time you drive away from your house, it's always within five blocks, no matter what. Here's my question. That's how Danny's second dragon got caught. If they happen, by the way, that was right by Dragonstone, dude. She was like, we're cruising home. Hey, if all the accidents happen by your house, why don't you just move? That's what I said.

Point. Wow. Wow. Just move. I just got high again. Yes. You'll never get three high. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck. That was good. Yeah. Yeah. That was really good.

I have another piece of advice. Take care of your back. You'll appreciate this, Ryan. That when you're when you're when you're lifted, a lot of guys want to focus on the chest and arms and everything, but your back, not even just with lifting, just in general, like you get some back pain. Take take that shit seriously. You might be twenty four and be like, I'm twenty four.

I'll be fine. Yep. Don't let your every injury I've ignored is is now part of my day. Correct. The back is the worst. Like I would break every bone in my body to not have any back pain. If you're a guy who lifts weights, throwing some reverse hyper extensions in there. Throw it. Yeah. Take care of your back. This advice is nice to the back.

Socks. Don't do that. I would say work in the service industry, at least. Oh, yeah. That's a good one. Gives you a whole new appreciation for shit when you're older. And there's no bigger turnoff to a woman or I would assume a woman to a guy if you're on a date and the person treats the server like a piece of shit. Yes. I was a caterer.

I could see that. That sucks. I bet you were good at it, though. I was surprised. It sucked. It sucked. I was a busboy in a crab shack for a summer. This is probably an obvious one. You did not get that under. Oh, really?

Out from underneath your fingernails. Yeah. It's like two weeks. Crabbing. Real crabbing. Yeah. I think this is an obvious one, but I'd say kill one person. Yeah. And it's just going to prepare you for a ton of stuff. You learn a lot about yourself. Yeah, right. Because if you have some guilt after the fact, that means you're actually like you are a good person.

It's a test. It's a morality test. I'm great. I feel bad about this. Do it. And then you're like, that was a rush. Yeah, I kind of get it now. Then maybe don't start a family. Yeah, turn yourself in.

Right. Yeah, then we can clean up everyone right there. Where would you hide a dead body? I mean, I can't tell you. Yeah. Someone can give away his good spot. Where if? If. Oh, come on, dude. He's a million ways to do it.

He would eat it to gain strength. A lake? Come on, dude. A lake up north. What are you reading? Michael Crittinon. Wait a minute. What? No, it's Michael Crittin, right? Yeah. No, you're right.

You're the right. Jurassic Park. Yeah. Yeah, I don't even know what I thought of him. Oh, fancy. What do you watch? Patriot games this week? Gary Paulson, the hatchet. Oh, yeah. I love that book.

Oh, we just. He's too old. Oh, is that shit? You guys read? Damn. You guys read? I read when I was in Gary Paulson. Not a huge nonfiction guy. Hmm. Yeah. OK.

George Washington, you know what those guys used to do? When they ran out of food, they'd boil moccasins and chew on them. That's if you can join a revolutionary war, sign up tomorrow. All right. No, those guys, they were going to get flagged. You're literally telling kids to go sign up for ISIS right now.

You said murder people and start a revolution. You got a lot on your mind, dude. Hey, man, the way the economic times are headed, we're headed for another. Eat the rich. This is going to be the big correction. It's not just going to be your second home in Scottsdale. All right. I see the signs.

Eat the rich. Eat the rich. Are you anti-fun? Are you talking about overthrowing the government? Are you anti-fun? No, no, no. I'm just I'm just saying there's there's things you can do to prepare yourself. Seeds are going to be the currency, guys. Yes, there's going to be everyone to be living.

The rich people can be living in a biodome. That's a fact. Or I'm already working on it. Yeah, I know they it's going to suck for everyone else. Any other quick ones and they'll do Mount Rushmore. Just because you go travel somewhere, it doesn't mean you have to buy a fucking shirt there. That's a good one.

I'm going to just really know. And I'm telling you right now, that's a really good one. Every time you move, you're going to go through your place and yes. Why did I buy a war? Damn, eagle shirt just because it was an Auburn. Yes, I didn't need this. I wore it as your own time. As you're talking to P.F.T.

who's wearing a Dodger's hat just because I bought him that. Oh, OK. So Ryan buys hats for people every time I tried to buy. You bought me a hat. It was fucking weirdest move ever. We went to we went to a hat store in Manhattan Beach and he was like, I need to pick out a hat for my brother and is my younger brother for Christmas.

And he was like, we help me. And I was like, oh, this one's sick. And then he buys like three hats and we walk out of the store and he's like, hey, I bought you this hat. I was like, shit, that's the same one I picked out. I noticed you look at this one. I saw you saw you kind of liked it. You ever wear it?

Never. Never. But the thing is, you know what? That whole don't save any money in your 20s. Just don't buy stuff when you go visit anywhere because you're never going to wear any of it ever. And that could be that could be a down payment in a small one bedroom condo. Yeah. Also, if you spend a semester abroad,

you don't have to sign every email. Cheers. That's very true. And when you come back with that little faint accent, people are going to think you're a douchebag. Don't be offended. Speaking of services, service industry, when you do bartend, if you ever get the chance to do it, you then don't have to buy law.

Tell every other bar that you go to that, oh, hey, I used to bartend. Service night. Yeah. Yeah. You probably crush service night. Service industry night, whatever it's called. Yeah. Industry. It was in Mondays. Sundays. I also subscribe to the theory of like not not skimping on things.

What is it like that key that are between you and the the ground? So like tires and shoes and mattresses. And wow, that's a really good one. And anything that separates you from the ground. Don't be afraid to spend a little more on. Yeah. Think about that one. That's like if it flies or floats. Yeah. Yeah. Love that.

Pitbull said that one time. Mr. 305. You like that? That's actually a good point. Don't ever buy a boat. But that's a classic rich douchebag. I'm looking at boats right now. No, don't buy a boat.

Just be friends with somebody. I already know it's a terrible investment. He let him buy the boat. So we can be friends. Get a fucking boat. Yeah, you could do this from the boat. Yeah, we could get on the boat. I'm already worried about how the resale of it's going to go.

And I haven't even bought it yet. I don't know if you're going to buy a boat by a pontoon. No, are you ocean? Come on, late guy. What are you? What are you? What are you? What are you looking to buy? Well, I want to get a cigarette boat

and just put mass appeal on the back of it. You really are going to a midlife crisis. Shout out to DJ Premier. Guru. Yeah, we've always made this joke. We wanted to roll up in a cigarette boat in a Nantucket with just tight airbrush mass appeal on the back and just blare through that harbor in Nantucket and see what people said.

I'm going to shout out Hal right now because this is always Hal's idea. But you aren't going to buy a boat? Well, I'm the one that can afford it. But even that, I don't even think. Like I'm looking at some of this stuff and then you go, well, how much? And I know the joke is like a boat

is a hole in the water that you throw money into. But bust out another 1,000. Every kid I don't have is another toy. That's a good point. There you go. That's a good point. You got it all. Yeah, you are going to pull out game all your young kids.

Yeah, you're going through a midlife crisis, aren't you? No, I just. If you get a boat. I'm near the water. Why wouldn't I have a boat? Harley, you should go. No, I don't want a Harley because everybody. You want a chopper.

No, but I see the motorcycle guys out here in LA. And I see the videos on Instagram where you think it's everybody else's fault. You know what? It's actually your fault. They do the lane splitting. Right. No one can see you ever, ever.

It's horrifying. It's just it scares the hell out of you out here. And I know the law says they can do it. And so shout out all the guys that ride bikes. But every one of my friends that's out of motorcycles got in an accident. I'm not going to do that, even though I kind of want one. Yeah, I want one within the year.

Tip, tip extra on the first drink. That's my last tip. Oh, yeah. Or if you're at a wedding and it's open bar, give them a 10 or 20 the first time you're up there. It'll pay for itself. Take care of me. Done.

That's a great one. If you're out with a girl first date, throw a homeless guy a five. Ooh. That's great. Right in front of her. And then kill him. Unless she's like crazy conservative.

And then kill him. And then kill him for a start of a revolution. She's really right wing. She's going to be like, oh, for your ride, huh? Yeah, no, if you're at McHenry, you better steal money from the homeless guy. Yes. You better tell that homeless guy to get a job instantly.

What have you done to yourself to land in this place? That's what you should say. And she'll be like, I love America. Me too. Let's fuck. Oh my god, it's so hot. Gun girl. Yo, gun girl.

She's been posting. She's a poster. A lot of bikini shots recently. She's got some cannons. Yeah, true. Gun girl. I don't know. She pooped her pants.

She's the girl from a Kent State? Yeah, Kent State. Yeah. You don't know gun girl, dude? Oh, wait a minute. Kent State girl? Yeah. Kent State girl, yeah.

She's been. We DMed a little bit. She's transitioning to just straight up bikini shots. I was like, is that the? It's a good pivot. Yeah. Which sig is that? Gun girl is a wild time.

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but it's things that you think that you are elite at that 99% of the world can't do as well as you can. I love this conversation because I spend time thinking like, what am I closest to the number one world ranking in? Yes, I can tell you do that all the time. You wake up and do that. Are we going snake style?

Yeah, why don't you try this? No, I don't want to start. Ty, let's you start. I don't want to start because I have some weird ones and I need to feel the, I need to read the room on how weird we're getting. All right, you start. Your content's always good.

I would work on it. Yeah, I'll start. That's fine. Which way are we going? We'll go over still than me that Ty just wanted to do that. All right, I am elite at changing the channel from CBS to Fox on NFL Sunday,

going back to the game that I really want to be watching right as the first place starts after a commercial break. Like immediately, as the ball is being snapped. That's good. Amazing at it. All my other friends suck at it. I nail it. You only have one TV.

No, well, I used to only have one TV. If you would have, now I watch Red Zone. Mr. Don't Save Any Money. Yeah, if you would have kept the $125,000 a year job, yeah, but you'd have more TVs. That's a good point. It is a good skill to be able to go back and forth like at the exact right moment.

Yeah, because you've sat in a room with a guy who just has no feel. No feel, that's a worse. And you're like, hey, just hand it over. Is there anything worse than sitting in a room when you're like over the age of maybe 17 and not having the remote? Well, it's painful.

We had a roommate who used to, when he went up to the bathroom, he'd keep it in his pocket. Oh, no. When he came back, he was still in control. That's the other part of it, too, because he wasn't the cleanest guy. We used to lose it so much that we taped the remote to a big 2x4.

Same. And that was the way to go. Yeah, no, exactly. When the first time I saw a guy do that, I went out and bought a 2x4. It was, we literally just had it. We just passed around the 2x4. But the other part, the downside of that

is when you're that young and you just have a night where you just flopped down on the couch and all of a sudden, you're like, ah, yeah. You just get like, what is that? Like, oh, it's my remote. It's a foundation. It's a deck post. That was a good one, though, PFT.

Russell, why don't you start? If I really want to lock in, nobody's better at me than stopping the gas pump at just a straight line. Really? I'm still good at it. But do we need that skill anymore, though? Do you don't, but I don't want to lose it. Which is, that is a bygone era

where you had like $20 in your pocket and you can pump before you pay, right? And so you got to stop it on 20 because if you go over 20, you're like, fuck, now I got to go have a conversation with the guy, my bad, whatever. But now you have to prepay or you just use your card and like, what's the point of stopping it even?

I just like to see if I still have it. I look it in, I start going 90, then I just go, wow. What was your number? Were you a 20 guy or a 20 guy? 20, yeah, 20. 20 on the dot class. 20 was a lot back in the day.

If I had 20, yes. But I think you're fine though, because that's what I mean. Like, no, like, the kids growing up. Yeah, I get it, man, credit cards. No, the kids growing up, they're not going to be as good. Yeah, that's true. You can be the guy forever.

You're going to be an all-time great. You're like, yeah. Oh yeah, I'm like Bill Russell rebounding numbers. Yeah, no one's ever going to touch you on this because, yeah. I'm sorry Titus, I went at you pretty hard there. All right, I am, I think I've told a couple of you guys this, but I am, I think I'm like number one in the world at finding open tables at packed bars or seats in general.

Because of my figure, and I don't like to stand very much, and I'd rather be home than be at a bar if I can't sit, I will always be able to, I'll fucking be able to like go out in like the back and like pull in tables they don't use anymore, and set myself up in the back. I also, if you do the stare, it will get anyone uncomfortable.

I do the stare at people. Like if they're like pretty close to being done and do the stare and they'll get up so much faster. I will always find an open table at a packed bar. The few times that we've been out together, I've been impressed by this. Yes. And now that you brag about it,

you have to deliver so there's extra pressure on you. No, but my friend's like, we'll go to a bar and I'll just like hold on one sec. Like it's packed. You stare? Doesn't that kind of suck though? Well, no, I don't stare at like random people. It's when the check is there.

If the check's there and they're like dilly-dallying along. What if it's going really well and they haven't finished the conversation? Well, I mean, look, I feel out the situation, but I'm just telling you, if you come out with me, I will get us a seat. I will not stand up. You ever gone to a table that maybe the check's on the table

and it's a super crowded bar and you sit down at the table before they even get up? Oh, I clean the table myself. No, I will. I will bust my own table so I can have the table. Well, I want to bust that. Wow, the people are still sitting there? No, they'll get up and I'll bust it.

And then I'll be like, and I also get the best move to do is to talk to the people that are already sitting there. Like, hey, you guys leaving soon? Okay, cool. Can I have this table when you go? Okay, cool. If anyone comes here, just say that I got rights to it.

And then maybe just kind of give them a little look like there'll be violence if this doesn't go down the right way. Well, it's a good thing you're not in a better shape because it's so big. It's just, right, right. I'll sit on you if this doesn't go the right way. It's a huge Midwest guy.

It's friends with JJ at what, I heard. It's huge. All right, my first pick is something that I'm, I'm worried that one of you guys is gonna take it. So I'm gonna say this one first. The Irish Goodbye. I'm a king of that. I'm very, very good at it.

To the point that like my friends have picked up on it and they'll, they know it's coming. So like anytime I go to the restroom, they'll call me out on it. So I even have evolved to the point where I do the boy cries wolf thing where like I will go to the restroom, then I'll come back,

then I'll kind of disappear and then come back. And then as soon as their guards down, I'll slip out the back door and then they won't see it coming. And they're like, fuck, where did Titus go? And there's no better feeling. It's like when you get away from the Irish Goodbye and you're like 15 feet past the bar,

and you're like, oh, made it done. You know what sucks is Tate is, Tate is like the, of all the people I know in my life, Tate is the closest to competing with me at the Irish Goodbye. And we go a lot of places together. And he'll pull it. You're just the two of us will do it to each other.

You guys just, yeah. He'll do it to the child. And then he'll, and then it fucks me up cause like we'll, we'll be together or something. And he'll go to the restroom and then leave. And then someone will say, where did Tate go? And then at that point, like everyone's on high alert that I'm, I'm gonna do it next.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I'm fucked. So that's become like a game with us. We're fun to hang out with. We try, we try to leave everyone. Like, hey, should we go out again? And then you guys text each other the next day. We're like, that was a lot of fun.

It was a lot of fun. Why did we stop doing it? Yeah. You should, you should go out. You should make plans with them and, and call his bluff and not show. So you do the pre Irish Goodbye. But that's the, that's my key is that I always,

with the group of people that know that I do this, I always like every so often I'll sprinkle in a time where I'll shut the bar down. And then they just, whoa. Whoa, okay. That was weird. That's smart. He stayed till the close.

That's smart. And then next time they're, they don't have their guard up and then I'm in bed by 1030. Yeah. That's really smart. All right, you got two. So you got another one.

Oh, I got to do another one. Snake drop, snake drop. The other one I had written down, and I hope, I certainly hope you don't call me on it, but you're just gonna have to take my word for it. I'm really good in social settings of doing the callback joke to like, we, you're meeting for a drink.

You have a big dinner and like the first drink, someone says something, someone says a joke about somebody at the table, whatever, we're all laughing. Four hours later, as the night has worn on, I do a callback to that original joke and everyone's like, you motherfucker, you're a comedic genius.

I'm really, really good at that one. Yeah. That's, that's a, that's an elite skill. Try to do it now. Be funny now. No, no, no. Something we said a couple hours ago. I mean, I just did it with the, the, the PFT.

He had the one TV and I said, if you would have kept the, Oh, that's pretty good. That was pretty good. See? You are good at that one. Wow. That's funny.

You killed it. Like we're still killed the person. Is that good? That's a. That was really good. That was good. Quick. The, the call, and then I,

I paired the two together. You do the, you do the, and you turn it into the Costanza where you got on top. You do, you do the callback. Everyone's laughing. And then I slide out the back door, Irish goodbye.

Leave them happy. And scene. Yes. Yes. All right. That's good. I'm really good at shaming bachelor parties out of poor planning.

So I'm good at being the guy who's like, hey, I've shut down like T-shirt ideas. Those get shut down. Being the straws. Yeah, the Saturday night dinner that kills everything, all the flow. I'm very good at- Early tea times.

Eerily tea times. I'm good. I once actually, I once stayed up all through the night at a buddy's bachelor party and we had a 8.30 a.m. boat reservation and I literally stayed up. You can make that whatever you want. But I stayed up, didn't go to sleep. At 7.45, I texted the whole group and I said,

hey guys, just got a call from the captain. There's inclement weather. So we're not going to go on the boat today. Bought me an extra hour. Literally, everyone's scrambling like, is this real? Is this fucking real? Bought me a whole extra hour. Didn't have to leave till 9.30.

So I'm really good at that shit. That's, I have a friend like that though, where he just, it's really important to have in the group. Right. Because maybe not the fake boat cancellation, but he will say, okay, it's going to be new years. We're all together and not that we do this anymore, but this is years ago.

We all rented out a house in Colorado and we were doing this thing and he just knew. He goes, look, it's going to be the third night. We're all going to be sick of each other. There's too many dudes here. Yes. There's like 20 guys, there's three girls. It was just really weird setup

and no one really even knew each other that well. And there was a huge storm. So other guys could even make it run out this massive, massive spread. And he just goes, we're going downtown. We're finding a table service. We're doing a bottle and it's like the only way. And everybody, I'm going around the room.

Everybody put in a hundred bucks right now. And everybody was annoyed with him. Everybody, and he just sucked it up. And he's like, yep, you hate me. I'm annoying. And it ended up saving the weekend. Yes. Because if we had done a third straight night

of not doing anything and leaving the house. Everyone goes crazy. Guys would have fought each other. Yeah, you get five guys who were like, I thought we're going to party this weekend. And then the rest of the group, but seriously, and I feel like I have like four different pitches for it. I can use sarcasm.

I can use subtlety. I can outright say this is a terrible idea. Yeah, but they need you. They need you for that. You need that. You need a good concept guy. You're a concept guy. Shutting down the t-shirts in the email phase.

That's a must. Don't even let the e-t-shirts get past the email phase. As soon as guys are texting about like, hey, we should do a t-shirt, maybe a hat. That's you've gone too far. I would even piggyback on that and say, I'm very good at not replying all when it's not necessary to reply all.

Yeah. What am I, the Vikings? Oh, yeah, you got to skip. The Ravens? That was directly tied. No, it was the Vikings. But that was tied into Big Cat's whole thing. Like the bachelor party thread that you're on.

Yes. You do not need to reply all to every single email. Right. By the way, you have eight hours at work. You check your email for the first time all day. And there are 32 emails, most of which are just people saying, ha, ha, that's so true. Do you really ever need to reply all for any reason?

No. Just check this watch, by the way. He's got to go soon. OK, you've got to go. You've got to go. I just wanted to check. By the way, Hank didn't like that watch check. He's having fun.

I'm just kidding. Worst dude ever that you used to do? Worst dude ever? The guy who emails the bachelor party thread on the Monday after saying, hey, guys, I know it's said, but everything we did this weekend, we're not going to say out loud. Worst dude ever.

But do it on the thread. That makes you want to say it. I'm like, fuck you, dude. The fact that you would assume that I would, now I'm going to tell everyone. After that billionaire donated $40 million in paying student loans, all I could think of was worst dude ever responses, where it's like,

what if I took out my own personal loans and paid my way? What does that mean for me? Or actually, it's a tax write-off. Or then the Atlantic. What if I win Scali? The Atlantic is my favorite follow, because it never fails. That within a day, somebody from the Atlantic wrote,

this is great, but today's youth can't expect a college loan bailout. Right, of course. All right, OK, we got it. Like, one guy did it. What about the kids that didn't go to college, that are struggling to get by? What about them?

All right, Racille, you're up. This is a big one. And I may get called out for this, but I don't care. I think I'm great at being able to tell if someone hates me, if someone's full of shit. I want to say, like, FBI level lie detections, but there may be something someone says that I'll remember, and then they'll slip up, and then I'll know they were lying.

So like, I'm very good at the personal interaction of going, I can leave a room and go, that guy doesn't like me. Or I'm not going to call her. Or that went pretty well. Or I don't trust this guy at all, and he will let the group down. And I'll say, you could even call me negative, that I'll set a tone, like somebody will come in and talk

about some project or something, and I'll go, yeah, this guy's full of shit. We're never going to do anything with him. And they'd be like, why would you say that? We just met him, and be like, because he's going to be full of shit. And he's not going to come through in anything, he said. And I've just been around long enough.

I've interacted with society long enough in different ways that I just think I've honed that skill. That's good. Have you ever been wrong about that? You can't. Yeah, I'm not 1,000% on it, because there was a guy at ESPN I thought hated me forever. And then I realized he had some social anxiety or disorder.

Skip Bayless? No, he didn't like me. Is this, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can't this become like a self-fulfilling prophecy where you're like, I think that guy hates me. Confirmation? Yeah. Then I start doing stuff.

So you start being an asshole to him. And then, of course, the guy doesn't like you, because you're an asshole to him, because you think he hates you. Very possible. More likely when I was younger. But now I kind of do the other thing. Like, let me prove to this guy.

Or I'll go. Fuck this guy, I'll make him like me. Or I'll go, I don't care. Yeah. Like, I'll still have that gear, too. Like, whenever there's an athlete or a coach, too, who comes through the car wash, I'll never forget how many people, when we'd have an athlete come through the car wash.

And we'd get him for seven minutes. And if he did a great job, the guys would be like, I'm a real straight shooter. That guy is, huh? Like, we know him. We've known him for seven minutes. We don't know him. We don't know what his deal is.

So I like my track record. OK, that's a good one. I think I'm elite at suggesting the perfect time to go to karaoke on a night out. So you have to read the room on it, because you don't want to be the guy that suggests karaoke every weekend, because that guy's weird. It's usually like a former acapella person that just

wants to show off their pipes and sing Africa by Toto. Yeah, dude, duet. Right, yeah. Is this the cousin of the guy who does the same thing with strip clubs? Yeah, yeah, I think that's like that. But that guy.

It's Mormon cousin. Yeah, yeah. That guy sucks, because everyone's got the one strip club friend who's always obsessed with going to a strip club. And you've got to be like, listen, man, we're not going to strip clubs. It's fucking Wednesday. Right.

Yeah. But yeah, you have to read the room a little bit and know I'm really good at suggesting at the right time where everybody gets energized by that comment. And they're like, fuck yeah, that's a great idea. And then I feel good about myself. So people are still saying you had a karaoke? Yeah.

But I think there's some. On the right occasion. Right, because I feel like I can't even remember the last time I did karaoke. So if someone brought up a strip club, I'd be like, dude, I did that last week. Right. And I do that all the time.

Right. Karaoke is like, it is kind of exotic, because it's like, who does karaoke? Exotic? Yeah. When's the last time you did karaoke? I think he means Asian. That's why I thought it sounded a little offensive.

Yeah, it was. It's problematic. Tidus. I got you there. Yeah, who does karaoke? So you bring it up, you're like, yeah, good point. Do you have a karaoke song, PFT? It depends on what kind of mood I'm in.

Or a house over here who are or aren't. Yeah, that also has something to do with it. But if I want you to want me, that's a good one. Cheap trick. People sing along to it. Mine's Sister Christian Night Rager. Dude, oh my god. Sister, I was about to say Sister Christian.

It fucking kills. I swear to God, Sister Christian is my, yes. And it's slow to build up when you hit it. Because people are like, do I know this song? What is this song? I'm like, motor rain. Wow, that was good. We should do this tonight.

Yeah. That was a bad karaoke suggestion, Ryan. That bad timing. I saw Hank smile. I'm better than you at that. It is, though. Sister Christian Night Rager. Also, Tequila is always fun.

Don't be the guy that does American Pie. Yeah. Like when I've been to karaoke things where people take it way too seriously and they've put in for like three or four songs, you're like. Let somebody else have a turn, man. This is not your concert. Electra Records isn't here tonight.

Right. You never know. You do never know. I just saw the Dirt Monkly Crew thing on Netflix. It was Electra they signed with. Oh, you got another one. No, no, it's not. Wait, no, it's a snake.

We're lost in the snake. This is how a snake draft works. It goes back to you. I've never understood why this is a snake. You started to me and then a snake. Oh, I did. Yeah, you have another one. Back to me.

That's fine. No, no, no. Yes, another one. No, that's right. Fuck, I got lost in the snake. I said, Spider, you're. It's my fault. I should have started the way we're sitting.

And the worst is we're so cute. Whispering snake draft. Yeah, like I've always hated snake drafts. I think there's like they make sense in fantasy. This is who cares for Mount. The Mount Rushmore bad ideas is this being a snake draft. You say that now. Wait till they put the graphic up and we're voting on it.

And there's a snake. Yes, exactly. All right, I am I'm really good at making a cocktail using very obscure leftover liquors that are found in somebody's house. So I'll combine, you know, if there's a ginger beer in the house, I will make you. It doesn't matter what else you have.

It could be tequila, vodka, gin, you name it. I'm going to make you cocktail using that ginger beer. I'm a good scavenger when it comes to bartending. Homeless people. You're just good at that too. I like that. Yeah, just make like a suicide. You're like the nine year old at the Burger King just

hitting every right. Oh, that's good. That's good. There's some stuff that doesn't go with each other. Yeah, for example, tequila and milk. Not a winner. I've tried. That's not good.

I struck out big time on that. But it's trial and error. So you learn from your mistakes and move on. But at this point, I think I've almost perfected it. Yeah. All right, go ahead. Prank calls. What?

Used to be great at it. But you aren't anymore. Who do you want prank calls? Yeah, prank call someone right now on your phone. I don't know. It has to be somebody we know. I don't know if I want to do that. We used to just look at like classifies.

We used to look at classifies. And we would. I mean, this is horrible. But we were on Martha's Vineyard in the winter. And we'd tell people we found stuff they lost. And we'd be like, hey, I saw you guys lost an ore, gray ore, a rowboat, off of Lucy Vincent. Like, oh my god, you found it?

Yeah. Yeah, I got it. Oh my god, that's incredible. Where are you? We're over in Tisbury. This is before caller ID and all this stuff, too. And I'm like, OK, well, how do we go about doing this? Well, doing what?

Well, you found the ore. You called. I go, yeah, yeah, I'm just telling you I have it. And it's not lost anymore. And you can stop worrying about it. I'd be like, what do you say? Like, I'm not giving you the ore back. I'm just telling you that I found it.

Yes. And that you can take your ad out and you're good. Mystery solved. Right. Somebody may or may not have done it about a cat. And it was really horrible. And then you hang up the phone and you say, I have an intuition that that person doesn't like me.

See, there we go. Call back. Call back. Yeah, call back. There's the call back. I'm talking about that guy's cat. He probably doesn't like me. He probably doesn't like me.

One of our friends. Oh, shit. Yeah. They're like, we read that well. Yeah, just always we'd call and be like, hey, I'm calling about that. You get a little thing of wire. Yes, yeah, I have the wire.

All right, see, it's 30 bucks for your spool of wire. Would you take 28? And then you just ride it out. And you'd be like, I think I'd probably take 28. And be like, how used is it? It's brand new. Oh, really? So we don't even know if it works.

Would you take 25? And just go on and on and on. You got to understand the winter of in your Cumberland farms is the only place open after 7 o'clock. I feel like you're resting on your laurels, Priscilla, with the pumping of the gas and the crankball. Yeah, look at who it has been. You said you're in your peak now.

It feels like your peak was, yeah, I don't know. I'm just observing, that's all. Maybe I'm not peaking. Yeah, maybe, I mean, you already peaked. I was right in the cross here. All right, I am exceptional at moving well through crowds. So I'm able to get from point A to point B in a big crowd very fast and lose anyone.

What? Especially when a table's open. When a table's open, but also dealing with big crowds. I don't like them, but I can manage them very well. And I also like, I'm the guy, I was at the box. Well, this is gonna be wait later, but I was at the box Raptors game. Number two, Eastern Conference final.

Get there, the whole section's standing up for like the first four minutes. I was like, are we doing this? Are we really doing this? Yeah, you're the deer. And I gave a real, real loud down in front and everyone fucking sat down. So I can manipulate crowds very well.

And that's not even your team. No, I don't give a fuck about this game. You should turn around and told you to shut up. I just gave a nice, if you do a loud down in front, everyone would be like, fuck, shit, am I, oh, my bad. They shouldn't have seen, but that's actually, that's more of indictment on Bucks fans. Like why would they sit down?

Well, because it was like, no, but it was like, it was like, I didn't pick it when it was like, after a Yanis dunk, I picked it like four minutes in and it was like, maybe there's a TV timeout or something. They just went down like dumb. And I just fucking gave the perfect one and just boom, everyone was down. So yeah, I move well and manipulate through crowds

very well. Also do the hot soup on a packed subway train in New York. If you're trying to get to the exit, just give a quick hot soup coming through and everyone will move out of the way. Swear to God, it's so stupid, but it works every time. Every time. Who taught you that?

I fucking say it every time. You invented hot soup. If I can't get through, if I can't get through, you just, yeah, I've said that. That's only a murder case. Is that a skill? Yeah. That's Midwestern thing I've ever heard.

I don't even know. Does that count as being something? Yes, manipulating crowds. So you just like behave like a lunatic and be like, yeah, that also is another way to say, I've got a gun. Yeah, what are you missing? That's actually would probably work, dude. Ebola, you know what?

You want to share that with me on Mount Rushmore? I'm pretty good at it. Hey, listen, I'm sorry. I think I'm a lead in it. Yelling hot soup. I love that. I love the thing. Like I love the idea of looking at you yelling hot soup.

And it was really your face is so humble. Yeah, that's what I mean. In your mind, you think that it's working and everyone thinks you have soup. But really, there's a fucking lunatic. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Point eight, point B.

Doesn't matter how I got there. All right. Is it my turn? Yes. OK, my my this is a little specific, but I know Indiana High School mascots very well. And also what I do for a living, I know college mascots well. And so the skill is that I can meet people.

It's better if you're from Indiana and you went to high school in Indiana, but it works for like anyone with the college. I can convince you that like I know a lot about your school just by saying the mascot. And then that's like all I know, but it works. And that's my skill because I know the mascots. So someone's like, I'm like, where would you go to school?

And they're like, William and Mary. And I'm like, nice, the tribe. And they're like, holy shit, you know William and Mary. And I'm like, that's literally all I know about William and Mary. They think they're the tribe, but they feel the connection. That's good. And that's my skill. That's really what you go to guess if you don't remember.

Um, I guess Wildcats. Yeah, Tigers are Wildcats. Or I guess it doesn't always have to be mascots. I can always like find like some nugget of like, I don't know, or you can even something that happened in 97. You guys went to lead eight, right? And they're like, no shit. You're you really know our school.

Or if you just say the city name too. Yeah, that's the random, you're like Wake Forest. You're like, oh, yeah, I love Winston-Salem. Yeah, right. Yeah, I had a great time there one time. Yeah. Yeah, that's all you know. And that's it.

That's like, all right, see ya. That guy knows a lot about. Where was that guy earlier that knew we were the tribe? I did that. What made me think of that is I did that to someone. And when we were at the final four, someone was from Indiana. They're like, you probably, they're like, I'm from Indiana too. So I've always liked you, whatever.

And then I was like, what high school did you go to? And they said the high school and then they're like, it's a tiny school. You've probably never heard of it. And I was like, no, I've heard of it. You guys are the, and I said the nickname. And the girl's face was like, holy fucking shit. You know her.

And I was like, I've never been there. I don't know anything about it. I just know that your nickname is, yeah. And she felt the connection. And she's probably listening to this now. She's a nice breaker. Yeah. So there you go.

She's like, that guy was bullshit. Yeah. I had her soul skill, I would have known. That's my skill. Oh, I got to do another one? Everybody's trying to do the circular joke thing now. This is the super weird. This one's the super weird one, but.

Everyone's doing the callbacks at the socks. I'm sorry, you've eroded for the whole. This is the super weird one, but I'm proud of it. When you were 27. I can't stand it. I'm proud of it, so fuck it. I am good at, I'm a lead at spitting ice cubes into my dog's mouth across the room.

So stick with me. I go out to eat. You get it to go cup. You fill it up with ice, get a little soda or whatever. You take it home, and you're watching TV, and you get your cup. You finish drinking your drink, there's ice. You start chewing on the ice, and then my dog loves ice,

and he's sitting across the room, and I can spit ice. It doesn't matter how far away he is. And my dog is a lead at catching it, and I just. Teamwork. It used to be like I'd spit it out in my hand and like kind of toss it to him. And then I was like, let's just cut out the middle, man. And I would just start fucking launching him

across the room, and never miss. Does your dog know when you're like person your lips? Yeah, yeah, here's the ice shake in, here's like it. He knows it's coming. Like if David Letterman still had a show, we would be on Stupid Petrics, and we would probably win. Why don't you just do a ringer video of that? We should.

Why don't I just do it with you? Yeah, you can be the dog. Yeah, right. Thanks for finishing my joke. I like to be more subtle with my humor. It's getting late. You're starting to just fucking ram it in there. Run the fucking power eye again.

Yeah, big eye, go for it. Before Ryan just Irish goodbyes us and leaves. Yeah, yeah, OK, all right, here we go. Fuck. You're just you're afraid to leave one on the table and not take it. Yeah, I got a couple. Well, I mean, I'm a great short distance swimmer,

but I'm not going to bring that one up. Yeah, no, I mean, I think you beat him. No, he didn't. He did not. We don't know it's not. This looks actually tenacious. It's it is contentious because it's not on camera. No, it's not.

How long was it? That didn't count back. Well, I'm talking about 10, 10 yards in the in the pool. You beat me. No, that's 10 yards. Just move the goalpost and say 10, 10 yards. Actually, long distance, 15 yards, five yards. You guys not using the metric system?

Most swimmers do. I'm really good. OK, here it is. I'm really good at being. I'm talking about adult intramural sports. I'm really good at being the second banana, which I know is kind of an indictment on myself, but I'm really good at not being the guy who everyone's

like we are looking to him for planning for like you know, like, hey, everyone, here's a line up. Here's like, come on, we got to we need to run. I'm really good at the subtle like, hey, like, we're going to get him this inning, you know, like keeping the morale up and being that guy that everyone looks to. Maybe your Steph Curry to Kevin Durant kind of deal. The alternate captain.

Yes, the alternate captain. Yeah. Well, you can be an alternate captain and from the bench. You can't be a captain from the bench. Yeah, but you have injury history. Right. But that's a skill, though, being the second banana when you need it. I've always kind of hated that guy and really all teams that went on, like, you're not that good. It's like, hey, let's turn. No, I was good.

All right. Well, if you're good, you know, those guys and you play in leagues with and you go, you're talking about a different guy. You're talking about a different guy. You're talking about the guy who wears batting gloves and fucking baseball. You're talking about the player coach. Yeah. Yeah. Which you're talking about the guy who's who sucks. But because he set up the email and send in the Venmo, he's the captain. Yeah.

I'm talking about the guy who's the captain. What's wrong with batting gloves and softball? That's kind of weird. Are you to play in slow pitch or fast pitch? Well, I'm not. I don't play. Is there such a thing as men's fast? Yeah. Yeah. New York City. They have fast. That's weird. Yeah, I know it is weird, but it's fun.

It's kind of fun to watch. I would say, yes, batting gloves for fast pitch, then. I love, by the way, because if you're playing fast pitch softball as an adult male, then you're naturally a harder. Yeah. You everyone has batting gloves. I love just watching random like softball or little league games. You just go by a field. You just by yourself in the stands.

Yeah. If you don't do that, you don't stop. No. OK. All right. So I'm great at that, too. Go ahead. Your last one. I left a lot on the table. What else did you leave? Go ahead. Go ahead. Throw it. Throw it. Good. When we go to when I go to like a wedding leaving early,

but making also Irish. Yeah, that's no, no. But no, no, no, it's different. That's a good wedding. You have to make a memorable moment so that they're like, yeah, that person was there. So I'm very good at like get in front of the bride and groom space. So they're like, oh, yeah, he was there. But I'm gone by like 845.

So I guess it's kind of Irish. It's Irish goodbye. Yeah, it is. Just grab an Irish goodbye. All right, you go. Trying to think of something more current now. Oh, yeah, we're all kind of real. Yeah, because the other one was like,

I used to be great at making half shirts. It's really good. I always I had I always had like, I just hit the line the right way. It was just enough mid-drift, but not too much. Yeah, not Miami Hurricanes mid-drift. But then if it's too low, then you got to do it again in the elasticity of the shirt shot.

I used to be good at picking out face masks for football players that they should wear to make them look coolest. Like, you know, yeah, that's good. Which face mask style fits which player? And like, should they have a visor or a neck roll? And yeah. Did you ever do the Sultan on the? The deep armpits.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Did you? He still doesn't. Did I? Your nipples are like hanging off the side of your shirt. Have like all the back knee from all the juice and you go, this isn't actually a good look for you.

It was just your whole lat looks like a hemorrhoid right now. Yeah. And so that's not good. All right. I feel like I don't know where I want to go here. The half shirt was good. The half shirt was good. Yeah, we're good at tearing off the sleeves.

In the one tear? You know what I used to love is cutting the sleeve in half, like that late 90s basketball thing that took over. That was just once you got out there and you were D1, and if you didn't have one of those underneath the tank, then it was like, what's wrong with you? And then that's just amazing how quickly that goes away. I think I'm good on some trends going.

Like right now, I think in two years, everybody's looking at their closet going, why do I have seven different blue suits? So I would get out of the blue suit game right now. OK, so this is not only a thing you're a lead at, but you're going to give us examples. Yeah, I'm going to give you the tips. Like when I walk around New York City

and I see every single guy in Jordan's now and some that shouldn't be in Jordan's. God damn it. Oh, wait a minute. All right, you're talking about me. Quite literally. I bought my first guy. Oh, Liam is saying wrong.

Liam's wrong. Dude, he wears Supreme. Supreme, Supreme? Supreme, Supreme. Do you have like a key chain? He's got it all. I'm not saying Jordan's. He's wearing a fucking Asherworld t-shirt.

Travis Scott. He's like three. That is better than you. All right. Well, I'm just telling you, like there's certain guys that I've seen wearing Jordan's now where I go. I don't know. What about Flannels?

When Darin Revelle got in the Jordan game, that was a big, big red flag for me. What about Flannels? I wore a Flannel out on the wrongest night ever wearing a Flannel. And it was it was bad. When it went horribly wrong. There is nothing worse.

There's a picture of it too. There's nothing worse. There's a picture I'm talking about. No. All right. Oh, I do. Yeah. Oh, you know.

Oh, that night. Yeah, that night. Oh, no, no, not that night. I'm talking. No. I thought you said, well, we got arrested, dude. No, no, no. No.

This night actually arguably like it was in a weird way less successful than that night. It was I don't know. I think Flannel in LA. I think the LA thing. Yeah, Flannel in LA, I don't think is working. I got a question. If you're you got your finger on the pulse,

how do we feel about Odell Beckham hair? Is that going to be around two years? No way. That's over. Yeah, that's over. That's over. Zach Efron has it now. Oh, dude, watch it.

He's very cool. We just I like him. I like him. I'm freaked out about it. Careful. Watch it. I like Zach Efron. No, we like we like Zach Efron.

Sounds like you're judging him. What about two pays? Are they in? I'm bad. You know what we're doing something bad at? I can never tell who has it to be. Yeah, I'm horrible. You know what I am?

Fake tits. I don't know why. Me too. Figure it out. Me too. I'm always like, oh, look at those big tits. They must be real. And they're like, yo, that's a porn star, dude.

It's like, what? Oh, I guess. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, I'm surprised with that. I'm really bad at it. I don't know why I'm talking to some guy or something and somebody come out and like, oh, my God, how bad was that guy's to pay?

I'd be like, what? I thought he had a nice brown hair. Yeah, where do you stand on the bill? So yeah, we're just in a bill. So he looks great. Does he have to pay? No, I don't think so. Oh, I heard different.

Carl Ravich. Yeah. Carl Ravich. Now, Carl Ravich actually has one person like, all right, I got to fuck out of here. Ravich is anonymally because his hair, like, it looks good on TV. Yeah.

And then you meet him, you're like, holy shit. Carl Ravich. But see, I don't know if that's true because, again, I can't tell. OK. I think he looks good. That way to put your son's good. Yeah, that was a very good out.

Really good job. You done? Is that it? Yeah, I'm done. All right, last one. I can't decide. So I'm going to empty the chamber with my last two. One, I'm very good at telling when somebody on social media

is about to get into a pyramid scheme. Like the warning signs. Identifying the warning signs when they do like, when they pick up a weight and they're wearing like a really nice sports bra or something for the first time. I'm like, this is about to be body. Was it a beach body? How about this new one, bang energy?

Have you seen that? That one, it's basically every Instagram model. You don't follow. Oh, you only follow two people. You follow a little kid and that's it on Instagram. His content is set. But yeah, there's a new one, bang energy. Yeah, that everyone, every Instagram model.

Yeah. It's like, got it, yeah. By the way, the kid that 11-year-old that I follow, he was like, hey, can you have that Bill Simmons guy give me a shout out on his podcast? So he could get his followers up. All right, so Toby Miller. No, Toby Miller, I don't know.

Sully Miller. Hey, Sully Miller. We're giving you a shout out on the number one sports podcast. Even though you won't be allowed to listen to any of this. But yeah, it's so, like I see somebody from high school that I used to know, haven't talked to in 20 years. And the second they upload like a Facebook story, who the fuck does Facebook stories?

That's number one. And if you haven't been on social media a long time, and that's the first thing you do in a while, it's like, OK, you're selling our bond now. I'm very good at knowing when they're about to get into that. The other thing I'm really elite at, I think, is remembering the names of dogs.

So I know every dog's name in my building. I don't know any of their owner's names. And so it's really nice to see them out. So you're like, hey, Parker, what's up? And then their owner will be like, oh, what's up? And then you have the conversation with the owner through the dog. Exactly.

But I remember every dog's name. You never make eye contact with the owner. You're always looking at the dog. But you're like talking to your owner. Yeah, I'm like, tell your owner that you're not getting fed enough. I can go back to when I was a used dog salesman, rattle off some names.

Wizard, Biscuits, Sky, Macy. We'll fact check these after. No, they're real. These are all the names. I could just make, yeah. You think I made up Biscuits? I mean, sure. I'm great with cats.

Yeah. Sarah, Steve, Dave the cat, Dougie, a cat. Dougie. And you know what? There's a little trick. If you can't remember the dog's name, just guess Bella. Yeah. Nine times out of ten.

Bella Stella Lola. Those are girl dog names. Those three. Did you ever experiment with your dog adoption company? That was a tough first sentence. Did I ever experiment? Go on. Did you ever experiment with your dog?

Adoption company. Yeah, go on. I thought, oh, I just would you ever be like, OK, because I could see you doing this, like printing out some sort of spreadsheet where if you change the dog's names, would they be more adoptable? So like you go, if I just named this dog Firecracker,

but I named this dog, like Captain Steve. Captain Steve is getting home. That day. How could you not adopt a dog named Captain Steve? They just make it up. Like when I was adopted. Hey, Captain Steve, today you're Tiger. When I was adopting Stella, it was clear

that what they would do is just every day, they would just like one person was just feeling one thing. So I walked in one day and it was like Pepsi, Sprite, like Coke. Exactly. And it was like, what is going on right here? Because they know when you adopt the dog, you're not going to fucking keep that name. You think we're doing like sample testing on the dog?

I didn't think that far, but I did know on my very first day there, the guy that was training me, he was like, this dog is Macy. And she was found in a lake. She was rescued. She swam to shore. Her owner threw her overboard, if you can believe that. And the dog got adopted.

He replaces with another dog. And he was like, so I'm going to tell the same boat story about this dog. He just had a boat story that he would use over and over again. He's like, if people think this dog was thrown into water, they'll take it home. So be careful. I was ready to adopt it until I found out

that it was back to back dogs. Yeah. Macy was a good dog, though. Spot twist. It was thrown into the water off. Fighter. Real fighter. Oh, Macy?

Yeah. Yeah. Swimmer. Probably be both you and Hank in that contest. Watch out. Fucking beat Hank. I beat Hank. All right.

Hank is just. Thank you, guys. I think what we learned today is we're all really good at some awesome shit. Yeah. Yeah. We are like the X-Men of very particular skills. I'm really good at turning off the video game

right before I'm about to lose. So don't fuck up my season. I can get it right, you know? Because I do the auto save now. Yeah. You know how that works? I don't play video games anymore. Oh, yeah.

You emotionally can't handle it. Yeah. But one of my favorite or silo podcast, the one with this podcast lines ever, was no joke. Just goes, yeah, I had to give my Xbox to my sister. What? I was playing too many video games. He wasn't joking, though.

You did. That's not 100% what was it? No, I just I figured if there was other stuff I was going to be doing, I would knew what would happen is I would go, OK, let's take a little break from writing here. I'm going to go down and save Panama again from these drug lords. And I was just obsessed with this one Tom Clancy game

where I was just cleaning out territories left and right. And then I was like, OK, I've liberated this entire country. And now I think I'm going to go and talk to all the villages so my approval rating goes up. And now I'm going to find every hidden gem. And then I just I was like, OK, and then I reset it so I could just take I'd be like, I'm going to clear this whole side, but only using this artillery artillery.

And then I'm like, OK, now give this thing away. Yeah. And this was like a year ago. Year and a half. Thank you, guys. I appreciate it. Thank you. Appreciate you guys coming for me when I had my kids.

We did. Yeah. It's been fun stuff. I got to go use the restroom real quick, guys. Thank you for having me. Should we wait and see if you can come back? Yeah. Why don't you take a piss and we'll be right back.

I'll be right back. Yeah. OK. I can tell you don't like me. I just want someone to say to me, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh oh, oh

All I could say is that my life is pretty plain You don't like my voice, but I hear you say It's not fair, it's not fair I just want someone to say me I'll always be there when you're ready You know I like to speak my cheeks, I just say So stay with me and I'll have it made Oh, and I'll have it made

Oh, and I'll have it made Oh, no, no, no You know I'm really, really gonna have it made You know I'll have it made