Pardon My Take - Lions HC Dan Campbell, NHL/NBA Playoffs, Plus Monday Reading On What Animals You Could Kill

Episode Date: May 17, 2021

The playoffs are finally here. We talk NBA playoff scenarios and games we're most looking forward to (3:26 - 19:29). NHL Playoffs have begun and PFT and Hank are in rivalry week (19:29 - 25:23). Preakness happened and Baffert is out( 25:23 - 28:42). Who's back of the week including beer bats and everyone being back (28:42 - 40:06). We welcome on Lions Head Coach Dan Campbell to talk about his plans as a new Head Coach, what he learned as an interim in Miami, his introductory press conference, being an alpha and more (40:06 - 76:52). We finish with a Monday reading on a survey of what animals most American adults think they could kill.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take, Dan Campbell. Yes. Probably the most requested guest we've had in the last two months. He's finally on the show. It did not disappoint.

Wait till you see what he would do for a Super Bowl trophy. Your move, Mike Vrabel. Let's just say that. Awesome interview with Dan Campbell. We have NHL Playoffs starting, NBA Playoffs picture ready to go. We'll talk about that, Preakness, Who's Back of the Week, and a great Monday reading, a packed Monday show. We had to do it for Dan Campbell.

Actually, I just realized, PFD, our Monday reading is about humans versus animals. Yeah, Dan Campbell. Perfect for Dan Campbell. Dan Campbell should have been one of the animals that was listed that you could fight. Yes. Awesome show coming up before we do all that. We're brought to you by our friends at Body Armor Sports Drink. Today's athletes deserve more than just your grandfather's tired old salty sports drink,

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Let's go. Now in the street there is violence, and then a lot of work to be done. No place to hang out or wash in, and then I can't save all on the sun. Oh no. We're going to rock it down to electric avenue, and then we take it higher. Oh, we're going to rock it down to electric avenue. It's part of my take presented by Farstool Sports. Welcome to part of my take presented by Body Armor.

I just had a delicious sip of my tropical chaos. My favorite flavor is strawberry banana. Everyone knows that. Go buy Body Armor at Amazon, or you can buy it in store. Today is Monday, May 17th, and PMT rivalry week. Yup. Big time. Big time.

So, last we talked to you folks, we had a mayor's bet between Hank and PFT, the capitals playing the Bruins, the losers going to have to eat Olive Garden on a live stream until they puke. Interesting. Well, and drink champagne, Chardonnay, and they're going to get Chardbombed. Yeah, Chardbombed. I once got Chardbombed at River Shannon, shout out River Shannon in Chicago, and some kids, some stoolies just walked up to me, and it was like, hey Chardbombed dude, just a glass

of Chardonnay. I was like, what do you mean? So you got to chug it. You got to chug it now. I chugged it, and then I puked instantly outside. Are we bringing back icing? No. Is icing coming back?

No. Stop. Stop. Chardbombed is fucked up. That was the one and only Chardbombed I'll ever do. I don't even like Chardonnay, but if somebody gives me a glass of anything, it's like the rules are you have to... You got Chardbombed.

It could be Drano. It could be Motor Oil, but if somebody's like, yo dude, you just got Penzoil Bombed, I'd be like, okay, I guess Bottoms Up. That's... It's not the same thing, but I don't think that... I don't think you could just do that. You can't do it to random people. Maybe.

Maybe do a friend. Yeah. I would accept Chardbombed once because he was a listener. I think you become a friend after you get Chardbombed. Yeah. Shout out to that guy. Tweeted me if you're still alive. Hopefully you're not.

All right. It was overtime hockey. All the games are going to overtime. Wait, wait, wait. Let's talk hockey, but you guys are now matched up also on Tuesday night Celtics vs Wizards games for... We were trying to figure out if we needed a bet and we decided no because the NBA really fucked up the one cool thing last year of the playing game by making it a playing game

tournament where Tuesday night Celtics, Wizards game actually is in an elimination game, so who the fuck cares? It's like a ladder. If you lose twice, you're out. It obviously matters because you want to win, but if you lose, you just play on Thursday. It's like, oh, okay. It's so... What embrace debate?

Is this the playoffs? Is it the postseason? Is it a wild card game? Yeah. It's like the playing game for NCAA. Yeah. So it counts. It counts.

It's the pre-competition. I just hate it. Back in the day, they used to do series like best of five series and then best of seven. That was still the playoffs. But this is... I just hate that they... Like they had something good. Eight versus nine is good.

You know what I mean? The team that just barely missed the playoffs to the team that did make the playoffs. When you add the tenth seed, it's stupid and the fact that the seventh seed could potentially not make the playoffs is even dumber. I just hate the whole thing. I'm going to go out on a little limb here. I think that if the Wizards beat the Celtics, if they end up matching up against the Nets, I think that the Wizards could actually beat the Nets in the first round.

They're hot. The Wizards are... In one game? No, they'd have to play a seven-game series. It would have to be a seven-game series. I'm saying like, how many... You're saying the Wizards would win the series. I'm saying the series.

I know. Listen, I'm saying... This is like your trailblazer is winning. Listen to me very carefully and how I'm selecting my words. The Wizards could beat the Nets in the first round. Yes, they could. They can. Anything could happen.

Anyone could get injured. They could. I want to actually put a quick parenthesis on my take that I hate the way the playing game has been constructed this year and say that if LeBron somehow doesn't make the playoffs, the traditional playoffs, I love this and I think it's the greatest thing that's ever happened to NBA. And it wasn't... This technically isn't the playoffs.

Right. Exactly. He missed the playoffs entirely. I think he actually missed... Yeah. The traditional playoffs. Well, he missed being one of the automatic qualifiers for the playoffs for the first time in his career, right?

Yes. It's... Look, I like... I do think the playing game... It was fun last year. Yeah. And I'm all for that. I just think the fact that they made it 7, 8, 9, 10 and 7 could miss the playoffs is just...

It's stupid. They just... They took a great thing and they made it dope. Every year they should just rewrite the rules with two weeks left to make sure that Zion can get in. Yeah. Just like in a different way. Whatever...

They can just like jump the 10 and 11 seed if they're the 12 and be like, listen, the 12 gets to play the 6. Zion should always hit it. In a three-game series. Yes. Also, one team should be able to draft Zion. Am I stupid? Am I...

Like, when you do a playoff seeding, 7 should play 10. 8 should play 9. What? You're talking about sweet 16. Yeah. No, but I'm just saying it's so... Like... You're talking about the NCAA tournament.

It's so stupid that... Like, it's just dumb. Like, 7 should play 10 and have to beat... 10 should have to beat 7 twice. Uh-huh. And 8 should have to play... Like, it just makes no sense. Also, someone, I will say this, to the conversation about records last week, someone replied to

us and let us know that you just have to think about it like, NCAA tournament seedings. Yes. That was great. Except for 0 and 17. Right. That doesn't exist. Yes. There's no zero seed.

And it's actually going to be even more pronounced on Wednesday when the Lakers play the Warriors, which everyone wants to see, which will be exciting, but again, it's not an elimination game. And then I bet you whoever loses that game is going to win the next game. And then they'll get in. Right. So, it's a great thing in theory, the playing game, but the way the NBA is constructed, I just don't...

You can't... I can't feel juiced up for a game where the loser of that game still is in the play. It's a classic case of Adam Silver reading, like, the NBA reddit comments too much and adapting his entire playoff structure because, like, somebody had a post on an off day that got way too many upvotes. I think it's just the 7... I think this is the 7-8 thing that bothers me the most just because when you watch a one game playoff, it should be a one game playoff.

Also what it is in the NCAA rankings, in the tournament, you always have the 8 and the 9 playing against each other and the 7 and the 10. You're just used to seeing those numbers next to each other. Correct. I agree with you. Yeah. All right. So, you want to just do NBA now?

We'll do it right after. Yeah. We'll do NBA right now. So, the Knicks won the title. They... I think they're going to raise a banner. In all seriousness, Tom Thibodeau is an unbelievable coach. Like, what he has done, what Julius Randall has done, it's incredible.

No one gave the Knicks any credit this year going into it. I went and looked back and it was like everyone had the Knicks in the lottery, all the prognosticators, everyone had them as being a terrible team again. Their roster's not that great. The resurgence of Derek Rose. Like, all these things, it's cool. Thibodeau is just an unreal coach. I miss him.

Whether he burns them out, who knows. But the fact that he has the Knicks as a foreseed is incredible. But they're not burned out yet. No. They would be awesome if the Knicks made it to the finals. I think that's what I'm rooting for out of the East, actually. As someone who's very much in just cheer for chaos mode when it comes to the NBA playoffs. Yeah.

I would love to see a Subway series. Knicks, Nets, Eastern Conference Finals. Eastern Conference Finals. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. I think that could happen. Yes.

That could happen. Yeah. They'll be the two or the three, depending on... We're taping this during the games. Hank, I have something that will probably make you sad, but I want to just throw it out there. The Nets have a chance to possibly get to the finals or win the NBA championship. Would they have officially won the trade with Celtics when they traded all those guys and they got all the picks back?

Because the Nets would be in the finals before the Celtics were. I tell you, when they got like Paul Pierce. Yeah. Like 15 years ago. Well, there's still some assets that are probably being exchanged to this very day. Would the Nets technically have won the trade because they got to the finals first? Technically, yeah. It's a ridiculous thing to say because obviously it's not true because Celtics got so many picks.

You know what? I'm fucking sick of everybody saying like... The Nets did it with free agency? I'm sick of everybody saying I'm a process guy. I'm a results guy. Yeah. I don't care about how the process worked out. If they get to the finals, yes, they won that trade in my book.

This is actually in the East. It's like the three teams at the top. Basically, if you don't make it to the finals, if you're the Sixers, Nets or Bucks, like everything is broken. It's such a chips all in because Yanis, this would be another time where they get to the playoffs and they don't get all the way over the hump to the finals. The Nets, obviously they have the most talent. I still think, oh, I got to find James Hardin's quote.

Did you see James Hardin's quote from the other night? I didn't, but... Fuck. I love James Hardin. He's my alpha. I'm bummed out that Giannis signed his extension before the season started because we are getting robbed of some very juicy storylines that could be happening right now. Yes.

Just judging Giannis' future in Milwaukee based entirely on how his team performs this offseason is something I'm going to miss dearly this postseason. I got it. Tell me the quote is so good. Not to brag or anything, but I'm really, really good at this game. Yeah. That was when he came back from his, you know, he'd been gone for like a month or so and a reporter was like, wow, he looks really good tonight.

He's like, yeah, dude, I'm fucking awesome. He's like, I'm a professional basketball player. And then the Sixers, the Sixers, it is the pro like the process. It does feel this is their best chance. And Bede is, you could make the argument is the most dominant player right now in the NBA. Like it's all come together. They have to get to the finals.

You forgot two words. When healthy. You're contractually obligated every time anyone in sports media mentions Joel and Bede and about how he's in the MVP consideration. You always have to tack on Joel and Bede. When healthy, yes, is the most dominant player. No, I said, I said most dominant player and say MVP did not joke. Oh, I was going to say Steph.

Yeah. Yeah. People are because he's Steph did win. So go to the West. Steph winning the, uh, the scoring title on the last day was awesome. Going crazy. Very big. I think the Barstool Sports account tweeted it.

Very big Jake Marsh energy coming from Steph Curry. I am the best in the office. He flashed everybody. Some may say Steph was actually ripping Jake off. Yep. He actually showed all four of his nipples to the crowd. Yeah, he did. He pulled his shirt up.

I'm the best in the office. That's what Steph was saying. Uh, what? Hank, how are you feeling about the Celtics? It doesn't really matter at this point with Jalen Brown injured. I just hope, you know, we can, I would like to be the next. I would like to beat the wizards and then upset the Knicks just to watch, you know, the city burn.

Why do you want to beat the wizards? You want to see me lose? I don't think you can play the Knicks. At all? Well, not in the first round. So you'd have to beat the Nets or the Sixers. The Sixers would be nice too. Okay.

I think Hank, you should just root for everybody to get out of the play and game healthy. Just no injuries. Your snake bit. You get, that's my favorite line to use about a team. You just like write them off for that season. You should be using this Hank. It's just, we're snake bit this year. Nothing to lose.

The game, the pre play-offs. But as we talked about, no one's going to. I told you, when Jalen Brown, yeah, that was the spin zone you got to go with. Like, hey, what does it matter? Right. Yeah. All right. Oh, and then so then we have the Lakers versus the Warriors, if everything goes as planned

tonight. I think there was a game, I think there was a game that was being played tonight where both, oh, the Clippers and the Clippers and the Thunder are playing right now and they both want to lose. The Clippers want to lose for seeding so they don't have to play the Lakers. And the Thunder, the Thunder have been incredibly bad. Like, it's actually exceptional. I think they, I saw something where they, they were like one in 20 in the last month

and a half. Yep. And they were, they hit their like 20th win or something in like late March and they've won one game since. They, they're, they're something special. Do you think they activate Myers Leonard for the last game? Ooh. Do you think he's, do you think he's in okay?

Where, where do you think he is? I don't know. He's probably just online somewhere. ExpressVPN, he's masked his browser somewhere. Yeah. He's probably still streaming. He's definitely still streaming. My guess is he's set up a new Twitch account anonymously because once you get into that

Twitch life like that, like there was no reason for him to be streaming when he did that. And you can't just quit that. You're addicted to it. He's probably streaming for like three people. Absolutely. All right. And then any other, any other NBA stuff. I'm, I just think that I'm excited for the playoffs as a whole.

Have we as a nation decided that we're just going to write the jazz off completely? I need to get on the same page as the rest of the media out there because I, I think I've decided that, but there's, I don't think there's a single strong jazz. I don't know. Like a jazz advocates. Yeah. I mean, Rudy go bears awesome. Yeah.

So we can just be like that. I like Rudy. Rudy. Yeah. Rudy's awesome. I'm thinking Bogdan. Well, Rudy go bear actually saved probably hundreds of thousands of lives. Yeah.

That's true. With his cavalier attitude. Yes. Yes. Again, I have a results guide, not a process guy. What's your joke about the jazz? Actually, no, I'm going to hold it. I'm going to hold it.

No, you can't. No, I don't, I don't want to. I like Rudy go bear. I like it on Wednesday though. I'm going to say some nice things about jazz. I like Rudy go bear. I like Bojan. Mike Conley's on the team.

Bojan. Bojan Bogdanovich. It was Boban. No, no, no. That's Marjanovich or something. Come on. Dude, come on. The Bojan and the Mojan mixed up.

Donovan Mitchell. I like their old jerseys. Yeah. They had the mountains on them. When they do the weird color game, it takes me about five minutes to figure out if it's the suns or not. Or the nuggets sometimes. Yeah.

Right. You know that? That one's weird. Oh, they did tell Gore and Hayward have fun being LeBron's B word. Little B word. They're very respectful when they're disrespectful in Utah. That's very true. That's very true.

That's about, I think, I think we've hit our quota. Pro-powerful sport team in their city. Representing. I think they've real Salt Lake too. Power four. That's huge. Before the soccer people come at me. That's, that's huge.

Power four. I like that. Oh, Joe English. I like the power four. Australian. Yep. And he fucking fills it up. When he gets hot, it's fun to watch.

All right. All right. There we go. Jazz takes. That was, that was us being like, Hey, when we have the few people from Salt Lake City, say I've been a day one AWL, you never talk about the jazz. Just refer them to that last three minutes. I don't, I don't think that you're allowed to listen to part of my take in Salt Lake City.

Yeah. There's a firewall. Yeah. No podcast, no pornography. Yes. You can type in boobs in your Word document and look at that for a while and get turned on. Speaking of the trailblazers, because this is right around the time where I'm going to

start saying to myself, maybe they could just outscore everyone. Yeah. You talked about a guy that fills it up. They could just outscore everyone and win everything. But I know that's not going to happen if we're, let's just do like a fun power rankings. Like if we wanted to, what's our dream final four in terms of teams that would be the most fun to watch? Warriors versus the, yeah, this has nothing to do with seating.

You don't tell us these can't happen. Right. Warriors blazers. Yep. And then I would say Nick's Nets. Nets. Yeah. Nick's Nets.

All right. So that's what we're rooting for. Nick's Nets, Warriors blazers. Did you see that one guy who tweeted it, Dame, before the season being like, Hey, I need you to get over 41 and a half wins this year. Like my house is depending on it, 1-800 Gamble or please gamble responsibly. When Dame was like, got you tonight, they, they have 41 wins and they have one game off. Oh shit.

So they're playing right now, right? They're about to step off in a minute. He's got him. He's got him. He said he got something about the blazers. They are playing for something. There's something about the blazers that they just formed these crazy relationships with their fans that tweet at them like that.

I'm trying Jennifer. Yeah. Remember that? Yeah. They're just a cool team. Yeah. I like the blazers. They're always a cool team.

All right. Hockey. Yeah. First three games go to overtime and the fourth game is going on right now and it's the battle of Florida and it's actually electric. Overtime playoff hockey is just, it's the most fun thing to watch if you don't have a dog in the fight. And then if you actually do have a team that you're rooting for, it just sucks.

Yes. It's just, it takes years off your life. It's like taking the worst drug possible if you have a team and like taking the best drug possible if you don't have it. Yes. I, so NBC, I want to give a shout out to NBC. So this is their last year that they're having playoff hockey because they lose the package and I like it.

And I likened it to it raining on your last day of vacation and being like, you know, it's not so bad that we have to leave this place. The score bug and no doc Emmerich, which I know he retired last year just makes it easy. Like it's, it's okay to say goodbye to NBC. The score bug is an abomination to the Lord and not having doc out there. Like I just, I want to thank NBC for making this as easy as possible. Yeah. The, the broadcasting team definitely is nowhere near as good without doc.

He made, you can have doc do anything. He's like the most versatile voice. Yeah. He did the, he did the pregame. Yeah. Yeah. And it was awesome. He's amazing.

And but like, but watching overtime hockey when it's your team, it, it brought me back. It made, it made me realize like how much we actually do need fans in the stadiums to make the games better. When you've got an overtime crowd there in person, the roar after the goal is amazing, but even better than the roar is the dead silence after your goal when your team loses or when the home team loses the playoffs. The shriek. There's nothing bad.

That's one of the way, I think that was on my Mount Rushmore sports sounds and the soul shriek of an, of a stadium or arena that just got their life sucked out of Saber metric stat of the week for the NHL playoffs. The entire league's on bird alert. All bird teams have lost so far. Ah, just the penguins, but that counts. Oh, they're technically a bird. Oh yeah.

Penguins are a bird. Do you people? Yeah, they're weird. They don't like fly. Do they fly? No, flightless. Yeah. So fuck them.

They're not a bird. They technically qualified. You don't count as a bird. Have you seen March or the penguins? Yeah. Penguins a bird. Penguins a bird. I know it's technically a bird, but if you can't fly, you're not a bird.

Ostrich. That'd be like Larry Bird. That'd be like looking at, that'd be pointing at a bus and being like, look at that airplane. It's yeah. A little bit. Same thing. There are some planes that they lose the ability to fly, but you can still drive them around. It's the same thing.

Like that's a, it's a bus. Yeah. Just call penguins what they are. They're buses. They're a bird with wings. They're bird buses. They're bird with wings. Anyways, they stink.

Sorry about beating your Bruins, Hank, but I mean, it's kind of like comeuppance for the city of Boston. I think you guys just run all your star players out of town. It's sad. Like Brady, Mookie Bats, get rid of him. See Daniel Chara. See ya. We don't like you anymore.

So it's kind of like. Yeah. It's like just. It's scary. Terry did get hurt out of town. Isaiah Thomas. Kari. Mm hmm.

It's something about the city. I don't know. It's like you get a little success there and it's almost like the fans get jealous of you for being too good. I'm no hockey expert. I just know that when you have a backup goalie that's 40 years old and he was literally tripping over himself and like knocking over the neck because he couldn't stand up straight. You got to win that game.

Yeah. That was, that was good analysis, Hank. How was it? You guys watched the game together. How, how'd it go? It was like, I honestly think that the fact that our goalie got lost so. The fact that our goalie got hurt so early on and the guy that came in looked like he was terrified.

He looked like he was doing a slapstick routine back there and so I just assumed that we were going to lose. Hank assumed he was going to win. Yeah. It was like all pressure off. Win game two and the series is on. Series swings back to Boston. Right.

Yeah. So are you guys going to watch game two together? Probably not. Monday night? Monday night? Probably not. I haven't decided yet. Yeah.

I'm going back to like. The mountains are, you know, Tuesday night being so bummed out that there's going to be a game that we're going to watch the Wizards vs Celtics and it won't be elimination. Yeah. That's so lame. Nine o'clock. No less. So lame.

It's like, you can't have that a team. If you play a game, a playing game, the team that loses has to be out. I've, I've also decided that it would be very funny because the, the Canadian division in the NHL, they still have regular season games going on. I think it's a Wednesday. Yeah. I think the last game of the regular season in Canada is running out in the Canadian time zone is on Wednesday.

I have decided that it would be very funny if the Leafs, because we are rooting for the Leafs as our Canadian team, I think, if they ran through their first two rounds, 4-0, 4-0. The Leafs, you said? The Leafs. The Leafs. The Maple Leafs. And then when they got to the semifinals, they weren't allowed to travel outside of the nation of Canada and then they just couldn't compete.

So it would just be like every other year that Canada doesn't win a Stanley Cup. Exactly. But the year where they were like perfectly primed to do it, they could just claim it. Yeah. You could just declare yourselves Canadian champions. The Knicks already claimed the title. Yeah. You can do anything you want.

Put a banner up. It will actually be fun for Knicks fans. MSG, the Mecca. The Mecca will be lit. The Mecca will be ready to go. I, I have, I had a sense that my Spidey sense told me it was NBA playoffs time because I had a dream on Thursday night, a fever dream from the J&J shot. No big deal.

Kind of a bad boy. Uh, that the Bulls as currently constructed won the NBA title this year. Yeah. I was like, and I, and I basically got to dunk on everyone being like, Zach Levine's a fucking man. It's that time. And I woke up and I was like, whoops. They, they're not in the playoffs.

It's your body telling you that it's time for the NBA playoffs. Yeah. It's getting ready. It's like once. True fever dream. Once White Sox Dave tweets out the horny tweet about Nala in late March. It's really when the playoffs start to ramp up. By the way, I'm going to throw in an extra third, uh, Eastern conference team that would

be fun. The Hornets. Lamello. Why not? Scary Terry. That would be MJ. Lamello and MJ. Mm hmm.

MJ would try to suit up. Yeah. They got to the Eastern conference finals. Fuck it. Uh, all right. Other, other things we had this weekend, the, the triple crowns over. So who won? Romulus.

Rom, Rom Bauer. I think it's a great name for a horse. Rom Bauer. Like if I had known that Rom Bauer is racing, because I did the thing where before the race, I took a look at the form, uh, I did like a once over and I saw that, okay, I'm going to bet on midnight bourbon and I'm going to also bet on Medina spirit to say I'm sorry. Uh, and then I didn't really look at the names of the other horses too closely. If I had seen Rom Bauer, that's a powerful horse name.

Yeah. Midnight bourbon almost, I, it was, it was sad because I was going for my personal triple crown and it felt like he had it. Rom Bauer. That was a fast horse down the stretch. Really fast. Honestly. I hope Rom Bauer gets disqualified too.

I hope they find drugs. I hope every horse this triple crown season. Well, I was just saying, you know, Bob Baffert, obviously you want your horse to win, but there's got to be a small part of them that's like, all right, well, at least they'll get off me. You know, cause like if Medina spirit won the preakness, the heat just gets even hot. The storyline increases. Right.

Exactly. Now it's like, all right, I'm just going to keep my Kentucky Derby winnings and everyone will leave me alone and I'll come back and I'll win a triple crown another year. I've got a, I had a dumb question when I was watching the race. Can horses be, are they left footed or right footed? I don't think so. Do they have dominant hooves? I don't think so.

Cause I would like to get the stats on that and see if, if left footed, left hooves horses do better against right hoove competitors. Like in baseball, like a picture, batter matchup. What's the right ratio you have to have? I'm not sure. Yes, they can. Oh, they can. They're doing a very quick read of the details, but you're reading a Facebook meme.

You are the best. Jake, you're the best employee we've ever had at dueling out animal facts on this show. Yep. And just in general, you're basically our boss. That's not true. Okay. But whatever you say, sir, whatever you say, sir, successful horse training and care.com. Yes, they can.

They can, but do they? This is kind of like the penguin issue. No, they can't be. No, they, they have dominant. What do they, like are they all guaranteed to be dominant one way or the other? Male horses exhibited significantly more left lateralized female exhibited more right. Wow. Okay.

I need to, so it's more. It's a quite animal behavior. The most part going up against lefties, but it's lefties are basic. So if there's a righty who's a male horse, is that, is that an advantage that I don't know how to deal with the goofy foot? Yes. All right. You have to look at the horses, facial whorls and see which way they flow.

This sounds like you stare at the pad. This is like something that you'd find in poor Richard's almanac about horses. Yeah. I like this though. Okay. Thank you to our veterinarian on staff, Jake. All right. Let's get to who's back of the week.

And then we got Dan Campbell coming up. Who's back of the week is brought to you by the cash app. The cash app is back. The stock market is back investing through the cash app. You can buy and sell Bitcoin on the cash app. If you've been thinking, how do I get into crypto? Well, it's super, super easy on the cash app. Just one button, boom, links directly to your bank account, put a little money into Bitcoin,

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Hank. I have a couple. Right. I love it. My first one is Kelvin Benjamin. Yes. At Yahoo. Yes.

He is going to be a tight end now. He's transitioning. He actually is. Good for him. Yeah. You got signed as a tight end. Did he change the pronoun from wide receiver to tight end? I just love that he just got, he's just like, I'm just going to eat my way to being

a tight end. Right. And if there's anyone that could do it, it's him. It's honestly, speaking of, of changes in positions, do you see Urban Meyer is just that report that Travis at the end is taking like reps is only a wide receiver. So I saw that. That's just so urban. I saw that.

I, he's creating, he's trying to create Percy Harvard. I understand what he's doing. I think he's just saying like, we know that he's a good running back. So this is rookie mini camp, but don't be surprised if we're, Meyer doesn't make him Percy. He just wants to recreate. Yes. So he needs to sign Rick Ruth then.

Yes. He's just going to, you got to have, you got to have somebody who that, that owns a gun on staff. Yeah. He's, he, it was just a very fine, I mean, I, I obviously think urban Meyer probably knows what he's doing, but it would be very funny if urban Meyer drafted a running back in the first round, which was maybe not a reach, but you could probably, you already have a good one in James Robinson and then made him a wide receiver.

Yeah. Although I do understand the logic behind it. It's like, let's see what you can do. Yeah. We're going to ask you to run a lot of routes. You use these like two days to have you do mostly that next. Gary Sheffield. Yeah.

There's a video of his son Noah hitting a home run using his exact same like bat technique, which obviously they're the only two to ever really do it. When you watch the video and you see how we like kind of basically warms up the torque to hit the home run as far as you can, it, it really makes you think, why doesn't everyone hit like this? Yeah. That was the most feared batting stance growing up. When you saw Gary Sheffield coming up to plate, it was a miracle he didn't hit a home run

every single time. Yep. And how do you time it like that? Well, that's where it's like, the, the video of his son, I watched a million times because it's just like the way he basically is like, you know, priming his swing with the torque. And then when he swings it, you can just tell he hits it a million, a million miles away. I think I always used to think it almost hypnotized a pitcher that if you saw a little bit, if you saw the beat happening, then subconsciously your pitching delivery would get synced up

with his beat that he was putting out there. And then your timing would naturally be a little bit easier as a batter. The only thing that's tough is that there is a real Gary Sheffield junior who I don't think plays Pro Baseball anymore. No, I think he works for Outkick. Right. Yeah. That's crazy.

You should play in the Blue Jays. So yeah, that's kind of, that's the only thing that sucks is like you got Vlad Jr. living up to Vlad. And then you have Gary Sheffield Jr. doing Gary Sheffield Jr. things, but it's not the real Gary Sheffield. So is the other Gary Sheffield Jr. the one that actually plays? No, no, no. So that's, that's now Gary Sheffield because I bet you Gary Sheffield Jr. probably is

like kind of sick of getting like, oh, you're Gary Sheffield Jr. Do you not play baseball? Right. Name swap that shit. Right. Perfect. Right. Everyone wins.

Is that a thank you? For who's back? Yeah. For who's back? Yeah. Okay. Good job. Thanks.

Way to work. You're really, I've noticed that ever since the Jake incident, you've gone above and beyond. Speaking of which, Jake and Hank on Thursday, I'll be on the call. Yep. Sweet. Who's back of the week is, well, first of all, it's Rafa Nadal, beat Joker in straight sets.

Don't know if you saw that big cat. On Clay? I don't. Who cares? Not sure. Probably Clay. Yeah, he's grown. Oh, it's a warm-up to the French open.

Who the fuck cares? Fucking Clay. Rafa can only play on Clay. King of Clay. King of Clay. That's enough out-get talent. My other who's back of the week is just being back. Being back is back.

Yes. I don't know if you guys have noticed this, but just everything is back. It's so cool. Everybody is just back all the time about everything. Bars are back. Hockey games are back. Playoff. Playoff basketball is back.

Crowds are back. Everything's back. Hot weather's back. I agree with everything you're saying. Being back is so back. I will say in the fairness of this show, if someone who shall not be named because he's on Room Springer did that as who's back, we would have made fun of him because he'd been like, you didn't think of him.

No, I actually did think of who's back. No, I know. I'm saying. I agree with you. Being back is back. Yes. You're absolutely right. I'm telling people because I'm saying I'm a hypocrite because if that person had said

that, I would have been like, dude, you didn't even think of one. But I did think of one. There's no denying that being back is actually back. Absolutely. Absolutely. Just being back. And shorts. And shorts.

And shorts. All right. My who's back of the week is PFT. I can't believe you didn't have this one. So novelty drinks is what you're bringing back. I've always loved novels. Yeah. It's my favorite thing.

But the Myrtle Beach Pelicans, low ball Cubs affiliate has beer bats there. It took the internet by storm. I don't know why we don't put beer in more items like this. Like I would drink beer out of a football at a football. Yes. I would drink beer out of a basketball or a shoe at a basketball game or a skate. Like why don't we do this? There should be beer.

Yeah. You should be able to bring your own vessel no matter. If you have your own invention. Not even bring it. But I'm saying like if I went to a hockey game, they should have a glass hockey skate that I can drink or a hockey stick. I can drink out of. A car stick.

A stick would be incredible. A car stick. Whatever. I didn't like why. This is an it's not only. You should be. Something you can drink out of. But it's instantly a weapon.

Which is cool. Which is probably why. Yeah. More places don't do it. Yeah. I might have just done that to myself. Yeah. Going to a NASCAR event would be amazing if they had like the gas hose.

Yeah. You could just put it in your mouth. Or a tire. A tire you could drink out. Get a carry on a huge tire. You ward around your neck and instead of the little like plug that you would put the air on the spigot or whatever. Yeah.

You just put that in your mouth and it's a straw. Yes. Yes. Gas is so back by the way. Gas is back. Yes. Just talking about gas. Gas.

Well the hackers they paid off the hackers. Five million bucks. It was so funny. You see how the hackers got in. Whoa. Whoa. What hackers. So they hacked into the pipeline that that supplies a lot of the gas to our country.

You might have gotten got. If you're going to say. Was that a fake one. North Dakota. No. No. Different pipeline. The Kansas.

Yay. That was fake. It was fake. Yeah. I mean it had to open. It was. Why do you think it was fake. Because it was on.

It was written on a like a completely different font. On a just white background. It was a meme. It wasn't linked from anything. Yeah. Big cat. It was a meme. Right.

So it was real. Yeah. Right. It was a meme. Fake as could be. I would. How do we know it's real. I don't know.

Because it looked. I'd say I think it's more on you to prove that it's real than everyone else prove it. I initially got my information in a text from a friend that had the exact words copied and pasted from the meme. Yeah. So I saw it in two different texts. Yes. I would say if you can't Google it.

Can you Google it. Google Kansas. I already. Yeah. It's not. It's not for me. Yeah. Right.

It would have been incredible. We'll wait till the facts come out. It's OK to say you got got. We don't know that. Yeah. It's OK. But we don't know. It was a funny way to get got.

The meme was basically that there was a the oil company got hacked because someone opened an email that said what was it you want to see the biggest. It was like time. It was a bartender wearing a Kansas City chiefs. In the top and said you talk about Kansas City but they spelled cans was can guide and And then they say, click the link to see more pictures. And then there was a fishing link, and that's how they got fished.

And you got fished by thinking that was the right one. You might be getting fished by your own brain, because we don't know what happened. Again, I think it's on you to prove that it's real. Okay, I'm working on it. I'm with PFT. You're gonna find the meme? He's looking.

I'm not trying to find the meme, I'm trying to find the actual story of what happened. Right, yeah. Oh, also taxes is back. It's tax day today. Tax day, yeah. It's tax day.

Eight months ago. Jake, do you have a who's back? You don't, it's Haslam. It happened Thursday night after we recorded, but on Thursday night against the 76ers, three minutes, four points, one rebound, one fight, one ejection. Wow. Legend.

What a legend. He was just waiting to get in for that. So that was his first game, and there are five players averaging at least 30 points per 36 minutes. Yannis, Beal, Embiid, Steph, and Youdonis. Got it. I found the original tweet,

P.F.D. that has 6,000 retweets. The guy has 531 followers. I'm gonna say that it's not real. Okay. Just looking at who he, like who he is. He seems like one of those accounts. I would like for it to be very true. I would love for it to be true,

but it's okay to say that it's not true. Okay, somebody replied, follow me for more images. And it's just a busty girl in a chief shirt. So are you giving up? Wait, no, that's not the original Twitter. I was just, I saw the cans and I clicked. Yeah. They got me too.

Part of my take is now held hostage by the Russians for five million dollars. We'll give five million dollars. Yeah, Youdonis has them is awesome. 40 years old? 40 years old and still. Yeah, 40, 17 season. Not really doing anything, but.

Oh, culture. Culture. He's literally the culture. Yeah, what is it called? Heat culture. Oh, heat culture. No, I thought we had another word for it. Culture.

No, didn't we have a funny, didn't we combine something? It was heat. He's still trying to find a chance. It was heat culture. I thought it was something else. Maybe. All right.

I don't know. I guess I'm just going to memory hold the fact that the heat and Lakers played in the final. That didn't happen. Oh, it did. I was there. That absolutely didn't happen. I was there too.

Yeah. All right, let's get to our interview with Dan Campbell. Dan Campbell's brought to you by our friends at Coors Light. Do you ever feel like you're always on? What do you do when you need a moment to chill? How do you like to hit the reset button to get ready for what's next? Well, how about the coldest beer out there?

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Okay, we now welcome on a very, very, very special guest. It is Coach Dan Campbell, the dude, excited to have you on. Are we going by coach or the dude? Like, what, as media members, let's start there. What is the proper term? Is it Mr. Campbell? Is it the dude?

Is it coach? Is it American Badass? What would you like us to call you? No, look, I'm pretty open. You can kind of go as you please. You're not gonna offend me one way or another. I mean, I think, as long as you mentioned how attractive I am as a person, I've been told that.

I mean, you guys take what you want with that, but no, look, call me whatever, man. You can call me Dan, you can call me coach, you can call me whatever, man. All good. All right, the dude, although you are an attractive man, I think that you were more attractive when you had the long hair.

Is there any plan on bringing back the long hair? No, you know, I dang, man. So look, I grew up on a cattle ranch, man. I'm out in the middle of nowhere in Texas. And my dad, he's a Marine. And so as you can imagine, long hair was not something that he was real fired up about. And so, you know, I never let it grow,

but I always wanted to grow it, man. I did. And so finally, I get to the point where I'm, you know, I get in the league and I decide I'm gonna grow it, man. And I grew it and I just let it go for a while. I had it that way for over 10 years, finally, you know. And I remember the day I decided to cut it after I was done at New Orleans and it was hard, man.

It really was. And I, but I always said, you know, I'm gonna do it once and then I'm done with it. And so I'm done. Now, does that mean I don't have the urge to just let it go? Yeah, I do. I do, but it's not gonna look as good as yours, Eric.

That's the problem. So again, let me see. I had my hair long. I didn't take care of it. I didn't wash it. I didn't brush it. I mean, I just, it was what it was, you know what I mean? So.

And actually I've got a great story about my hair. Let's go. This is where I'm at Dallas. The floor is yours. All right, this is where I'm at Dallas. I'm walking down. I get on the plane. I go sit down.

We're getting ready to go play Washington. And Greg Ellis walks by me, defensive end, right? He kind of walks by and as he goes, you know, you just kind of get the breeze of someone walking by and I was like, yeah, what does that smell? And I'm like, damn, Greg stinks. And he kind of sits down beside me and I'm like, what? And I kind of turn and then I get another whiff of,

but yet Greg is kind of moved on by. And then I kind of reached down and my hair flows in front of my face. And I realized it was me. It was my hair stunk because I hadn't washed it when it should have been washed. So long story short is, you know, maybe look at yourself before you start looking

at somebody else about what stinks. So. I like that. Classic. I think you still give off long hair. You've got long hair energy. Big hair energy is what the kids are calling. So like you don't necessarily have to have it

in order for everybody else to know you're a long hair dude. Well, I appreciate it. I do have long hair energy and there again, I do miss it, man. I just don't, I don't feel like I can rock it like I used to, man. That's the only problem. Yeah. All right.

So we're going to talk about this upcoming season, but I want to talk real quick about your press conference. And I know your results guy, you don't win in a press conference. You did win in that one in terms of in our eyes. When you come off the podium though, on that press conference, were you like, that was awesome.

I nailed that because that when you, your energy is what, what captured everyone. I know that the kneecaps was hilarious, but it was the energy. And I love seeing that because every press conference feels the same, except that one was different. So did you know you were going to talk like that when you went up there?

Or is that just Dan Campbell got let out? No, yeah. Look, I would say this. I've always been from the time that, that literally I was in high school, you know, call it junior senior. And then as I grew into, you know, whatever you want to call it in A&M,

a leader at some point. And then into the league, I always, I just, I did what I did. And, and then I would have these things that, you know, these times where the heat on the back of your neck, you know, starts to go off. And you start to have this feeling of, man, you need to say something, you know?

And, and when you start saying something, you just go and the rest will take care of itself. And so I've always been that way. I'm not, I'm not real good about, man, I need to write this down. I need to write it down. Let me get my bullet points. Let me, let me read off this sheet.

I don't do well with that because I just, I'm big and speaking what's on your mind and what's from your heart. And that's the way I've always been. So to your point, no, I just wanted to, I wanted to be me. And that was what came to my mind and what I felt. And I'd been thinking that the whole time

as to what I wanted us to look like. And so when I got up there, it, I just, it was just me, man. I love it. And that's that authenticity, I think, people will joke about it, but that has to translate to players because players want to play for a guy who's authentic.

They want to play for a person who's not going to bullshit them. So in a backwards way, I think that you got exactly what you wanted across probably to your team as well. Well, that was kind of the point. And look, it was my first chance to talk to my team without them being there.

That would be the first opportunity. And not only that, but our fans. And I wanted them to know who I was and you're right. You take the chance when you do that that you put yourself out there, you know? And yeah, you could, you could go out there. You could fail. You could be embarrassed. You could, but you know what?

When you got something to say and you believe in what you're going to say to hell with everybody else, it is what it is. You know who you're directing it to and who you want to buy in. And that's, that's just what I believe, man. It's me. And I, and to your point,

I want people to understand that when I, when I say something, it is because I believe it. And I'm, and I don't, not that it doesn't happen, but I don't want to read off of stuff. I don't want to, I've got to have this laid out and I'm a proper speaker and there's a time and place for it and it's good to have, but it's just not me.

It's hard for me to do, man. So does that mean that you do want your players to actually literally bite kneecaps to their opponents? Well, it depends. I mean, it just, no. I was like, okay, go on. Tell me the time. Yeah.

By the way, the, you know, Eric, you being the PFT commenter, you would know this well, you'd be shocked how many things that I've sent from friends have sent me of comments that were made of like, that's a 15-yard penalty. I mean, this is ridiculous. Every one of his team, they're all going to get kicked out of the game.

I mean, this guy, I'm like, please believe me. I know we can't bite kneecaps. I swear. I understand that's not in the rule book. I get it. So, you know. But if no one's looking, it's only penalty if you get caught.

Right. Well, and to a good point, when you're on the bottom of the pile, nobody knows what's going on down there. Yes. So, it's been fun to watch you kind of take over this franchise and it's, you know, being kind of molded in the image of you as the head coach, as the full-time guy.

And you got your start coaching down in Miami on an interim level. And that's when I was first made aware of Dan Campbell and what you stood for and what you were all about because on your very first day there, not only did you do the Oklahoma drill in practice, but you had a practice squad player get sacrificed at midfield.

Is that true? Sacrificed. What is that? What do you mean? All right, you tell me. There was a mock sacrifice of a practice squad player. How did you decide who was going to get sacrificed and how did you sacrifice them?

Yeah, I don't remember that. However, let me clarify two things. The first thing is we never did Oklahoma drill. That's been widely reported that did not happen. What we did was one-on-ones with a whole team around watching and yelling. That's all we did. I think that's more on the people who cover the NFL media

because that mistake happens a lot. It's like everything that looks physical in practice. They just call it an Oklahoma drill and that's not what the Oklahoma drill is. So I feel like I've been misled by the fourth estate in our media on that one. Thank you for clarifying. Absolutely.

And to the other point, here's the only thing I think I know what you're talking about. I don't know this for sure, but what we did was, one of the first things I did was I had the, I had all the rookie players. This was probably day two of practice is, I just put them in the middle of the circle with all of the bets around them.

And I told them practice starts when they fight their way out of the middle of the ring. And when I say fight, I didn't want anybody getting hurt. I said, be as smart as possible. But I said, I don't want one of these rookies to be able to get out of the middle of the circle easy. And just be as smart as you can. Nobody get hurt, but yet.

And all it did was man, those guys were kind of scratching clawing to get out. And it created a whole energy man throughout the whole team. And as we rolled into practice, once they got out, the horn blew and we were rolling, man. And actually guys had a blast with it. They were laughing, they were, you know, now some of the rookies were pretty dog tired,

I'll be honest with you. I mean, it had to get out of the middle of the circle with all the bets, but it was just something different. It's not something I would probably do here, but it was just, it was an idea I had. I think that's what you're talking about. It also the black shirts and blasting Metallica, the power stance, I actually found my old tweets.

I said that was the easiest bet of my life was Dan Campbell, first game, Dolphins Texans, you blew them out. That was the type of energy you brought. I would imagine though, you also learn some things. Like you just said, you know, you wouldn't probably do a rookies have to fight their way out of a ring. What was the biggest thing though you learned

from your time in Miami for maybe the haters who think that you're not ready for this job in Detroit? Yeah, I mean, look, there's a couple of things. I think number one is, and it helps that I'm going through it this time around to where I can hire everybody that I felt like I needed to hire and wanted to hire and could compliment me, but it's, man, there was things that I felt like I tried to do on my own.

Like I tried to do everything. That was a major lesson learned. You can't do everything. And at some point, you know, you have to be able to trust those guys around you. You have to be able to trust your staff and those people you work with. And I thought, man, towards the end,

I remember at one point thinking, you know what? Like I can't do this on my own and, you know, and I wish that I would have delegated more than I did. I think I tried to take on too much and I wasn't ready for it, you know? That's something you learn. I think that, you know, I kind of brought this up. The other thing just as it pertains to end game situations

I've brought up, we went down to Buffalo and this is probably, I don't know, it was our, I guess, fourth game after I'd taken over and we go down there and they're beating us pretty good. And then it's right before halftime. And essentially I got two timeouts in my pocket and I just, I blow the whole fucking thing. And we get down there and, you know,

I should have used the timeout. I decided we go hurry up. When I haven't talked to anybody about going hurry up, we haven't practiced it. I didn't want Rex Ryan to get into cover zero and, you know, all out blitz and it was freaking stupid. So by the time we get the team lined up and we're trying to get signaled out what we want to do,

we throw it, it's incomplete. Now we're sitting there with like three, three seconds left on the clock and one timeout in our pocket, which does us zero good. And, you know, and look, we go in with no points and we go forward on fourth down. We get stuck, you know, we, we, we don't, you know, we come away with no points and basically we got our,

you know, we got our face kicked in the second half and that's all me, man. That's my fault. And you learn, I mean, you live and you learn. It was just, you know, communication, man. It's, you're doing something we never talked about, you know, game situation, you got two timeouts with crap you're doing. But there's just, look, there's a number of things.

And I think the other thing is just being on the same page. And, and what I mean by that is being on the same page with personnel, the personnel department, your GM. And that's where Brad and I, I think, man, we both came in with a clean slate and thought of, how do we want this to look? Knowing that, man, we need to be working together. And we, we want this perception that is reality of, man,

whoever's in this building is our guy. It's not the GM's guy, it's not the head coach's guy. It's not the personnel's guy, it's not the coach's guy. This is our guy. And when we make a move one way or another, it's because we, the Detroit Lions, made a move that way. I like that. Because that's the first way to lose a split in the building.

Yeah. Yeah. There was a quote that came out a couple of weeks ago. I think it was before the draft about your general manager that you said, here's what I would say about being a true alpha. A true alpha knows when it's time to concede for the betterment of the team.

And so I would tell you one way or another, there's already been a couple of things where it's like, ah, maybe you see it a little bit more this way. I see it that way. We haven't had a problem. We're not going to have a problem. So therefore, you are the true alpha because you are willing to concede and make somebody else

believe that they are the true alpha in their department of expertise. Would you say to, what would you say to the people that would say, hey, a true alpha would never concede? True alphas always stand up. Like Jake is our alpha on this podcast and he would never concede anything to Hank. I hear you, man.

And yeah, look, I think that it's just to me when you really are that way and you're somebody that's very secure in who you are, very confident and you know the way that you think things should go to succeed, then I think you're willing to listen, man. I think alpha comes with having security, man. I do.

I think you got to be very secure in yourself and not have, like, look, just take for example, the staff that I hired, there's a lot of people that might not have done that. I mean, look, I got Anthony Lynn, I got Deuce Staley as my assistant head coach. I got Aaron Glenn, as my defensive coordinator. You got Dom Capers, special assistant.

Man, I can go down the list and it's like Mark Brunel's my quarterback coach. That can be a little intimidating for some people. I mean, these are some, not only were some of these guys great players, they're damn good coaches, man. And as a head coach, that could be a little bit like, oh crap, man, am I hiring my replacement?

Am I hiring somebody that knows more than I do about this position, you know, am I? And I don't look at it that way at all. I look at it as like, man, these guys got experience. Anthony Lynn's done this. He's been in that seat and I'm like, man, I won't give me what you have. Like, tell me what I need to know.

And I've kind of, we've done that with everybody that's here, but I think that's the best way to look at it. So when I say that, look, I'm very, I know what I want and I know what it takes to win. And it all started with what Sheila wanted us to do and between Brad and I knowing what we want and then hiring the staff. And so all I'm saying is, look, I know where we need to go,

but yet, man, there's a time where you really think we need to do this, do this, do this, do this. And everybody on your staff that you truly trust, that's why you hired them, is telling you don't do it. You probably ought to listen. And guess what? You know, sometimes you got to concede for the betterment of the group

and for the betterment of the team. And that's what I meant by it. Yeah, I think it's smart. It should be looked at as a benefit that you have somebody that's done this before or in the instance of a lot of those guys that you mentioned, I'm sure Mark Bruno has forgotten more about playing quarterback than you'll ever be able to learn.

You know, like you've got guys that have been there and done that and in some circumstances played it, you shouldn't think of that as a threat. That's actually what you would want on your team if you were actually secure about it. Now that being said, when it comes to your relationship with the general manager, when it came down to make your first overall draft pick

and you decided to take Sewell, how much of that was just you being like, I want a guy that, I want a wrestling buddy. I want a guy that I can like beat up and he's the toughest guy out there. Well, look, I will say this. It's pretty enticing, Eric. I'm not going to lie to you.

It really is. And my heart does lean towards big guys, believe me, man. The guys in the trenches, because I still believe you win and lose there. I just do deep in my soul. However, leading up into this, we did know that Sewell was one of, if not the best prospect in this draft.

That's what we really believed. And so just for the player that he was, it was hard to ignore that. However, we were not shut off to, we were going to take the best player available on the board. And Brad and I both said, going into this, we made a couple of moves this off season as it pertained to free agency.

And it's like, look, man, let's add some guys for competition here in spots, but let's not feel like we get tied to need. Because I do think you get in trouble a little bit. Now, if you told me that we have two equal players sitting there and we have a need at, call it linebacker, well, we'll probably take the linebacker over, whatever, the offensive lineman or the corner.

But that was important to us. So look, it fell that way. It really did. And we did not think he would fall to us like that. We were hopeful, but we didn't think he would. But man, we want to take the best player in that position is what we wanted to do. So we, listen, we were, we were prepared now

to take a receiver. I mean, that's, we had no problem with that. And if he was the best one on the board because Sewell was gone, we would have taken him, no problem. Yeah. We're going to get back to Dan Campbell in a second. But before we do, I want to talk to you guys about Shady Rays. I'm rocking my Shady Rays right now.

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Is it true that you had your appendix burst on a flight and you just like kind of ate that pain, didn't say a word, and then casually went to the hospital once you landed? Well, yeah, but I mean, it's not like my gut, it's not like my guts blew open or something. And it's like, you know, no, I, look, I had,

I had, but anybody's had an appendix, understands it's weird, man. It's an awkward feeling. You feel like you got a little stomach ache. It starts that way. And then you're like, man, I got diarrhea. And then it's like, no, I'm, you know, I just, I've just got a bad stomach cramp.

And it's all this stuff. And it got worse and it got worse. I'm on the plane and I'm sweating. And, you know, I go and I forced myself to throw up. And so you're just trying to fight it a little bit. And you tried to puke your appendix out. Exactly. I'm like, man, this thing's got to come out

one way or another, right? Yeah. The back end is going to come up my throat. So you go through the whole thing and then it just got worse and we landed. And so I went by the trainers and I just told him, I said, hey, give me something to knock me out. So I can wake up in the morning and be ready to roll

for the conditioning test. And so they gave me something. And I took it and I was out for about two hours and I woke up and it was, you know, it was worse. And so they got me to the hospital and it ended up, you know, it, whatever. I mean, ruptured is a very strong word. But I guess that's what they call it.

But it got caught early. It's no big deal. Everybody, dude, plenty of people have had an appendix. That's not, it's not like I got shot or something. I lost my leg. So. Yeah, but you, you puke, try to puke it out. You try to sleep it off.

That's a football guy. That's a football guy move. I don't know about that. Yeah. Try to walk it off. So you can try to sweat it out too. Yeah. You go to a sauna or something.

Yeah. You just sit and you get uncomfortable for a while. I like it. I like it. Are you, are you always there? Like when you grew up, when you grew up like I did and move and really, and when we did, it was, everything was about putting dirt on it or, you know,

toughen up, throw some dirt on it or go wash it off or, you know, whatever. And so that's just kind of the, you know, it is what it is, but it was fine. You should actually have a jar of dirt in the training facility there. So like on their way out, they rub some dirt on it. You know, like R, if they got like a bad scratch,

just have somebody put some dirt on it, see if it makes them feel better. I feel like that you got a zig while everybody else zags a little bit. And last time we were up in Detroit, we sat with your, your predecessor, Matt Patrician. We gave him some ideas about just some small motivational tactics that you can use around the facility.

I don't think he implemented any of them. No. Unfortunately for him, but we, I feel like you might be into some of those. And my favorite one that we had was you have a taxidermied sheep that just sits in the entrance to the Lions facility and players aren't allowed to look at it because lions,

they don't concern themselves with the opinions of sheep. So when they just walk past it, you look away from it and it teaches you like be a lion. I feel like that's something that you might enjoy. Also, we said heavier weights in the locker room. I actually like that. That's actually pretty good, man. I'm not lying to you.

That's pretty good. Between that and rubbing dirt on your, on your wounds in the training room, I feel like we're, we're cooking with gas here a little bit. I think it was also as simple as, I think that when you walk in the facility, there's just a big picture of a kicker. Is that right?

Remember? Yeah. There was. Yeah. So let's just fix that, you know, it should just be a linebacker. Put a sheep there. Yeah.

Yeah. We can do that. Yeah. That's actually not a bad idea. I'll tell you what I would really love to do, just in general, and I've talked to Sheila about this. I don't think we're going to be able to do it, but I would love to literally just have a pet line.

Yes. Just a legit pet line on a chain, a big ass chain, and he just, he really is my pet. We just walk around the building, we go out to practice, we're in seven on seven, we're behind the kicker when he's kicking. We're just, there we are. On the sidelines, yeah.

Yeah, you should, you know what you should do, is you should get, you should get two of them and put them on each sideline, just teach the guys not to go out of bounds. Don't try to be, don't, don't avoid contact. And I, on command, you could train him like if one of your groups isn't doing well, you could just take him over to their section

and just have him take a dump right there in the middle of where their section is at, and then bring him on back. I mean, think about it, be outstanding. Before the game, you could walk the lines up and down the opponent's sideline and have them pee and poop all over the sideline, and then they have to deal with that all game.

Yeah. That would be, that would be outstanding. We're going somewhere, the problem, I don't know if he's just going to allow that. Yeah. I don't think so. You know, he would take great care of it. It would be fed well, it would be petted,

it would be manicured. I might end up losing an arm because of it, but that would be even better, you know, because it would validate what, this is a freaking, this is a creature now, this is an animal. This thing is, this is from a while. Yes. Would you give up an arm just to motivate your team?

Ooh. For Super Bowl, if I said, Dan Campbell, you are going to win a Super Bowl in Detroit. Yes. There it is. One arm. Yeah. Your move, Mike Vrabel.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right. So arm to a lion for a Super Bowl. You, I like this. I like this. I have an analytics question for you. We just had head coach Brandon Staley on from the Chargers.

He passed. Let's see how you do. You're down 14, there's four minutes left in the game. You go in to score. Are you going for one or two? Am I going for one or two? All right. This is just purely analytics.

It has nothing to do with the way the game is going. Correct. Nothing like that. Just numbers. Yeah, just numbers. Analytics would tell you to go for two. Yep. And you would say go for two?

No, I would say go for one. What? Analytics. No, man. That's, I will absolutely blast you for that. Let him explain. What's your reason? Well, without knowing exactly what's going on,

if you're just telling me I'm behind 14, I mean, I just, I get the fact that look, if you go for two, you get it. Well, look, you're sitting real good now. All right, there's no problem. But if you don't get it, all right, if you don't get it, now you got to go for two just to get a tie back. Correct.

Right. You know what I mean? So if, but yet if you, you know, at a minimum, you're going to kick an extra point and you're going to be sitting there and you're going to have at a minimum a tie game. It just, for me, I'm good with it. If you're over 50% going for two

and you get it the first time, you win the game with an extra point. And if you don't get it the first time, this, the analytics will say you'll get it the second time. I, listen, I'm not gonna, I will criticize you if you do this. No, no, here's what I would say. Like I got no problem with that.

And I get that you get two shots at it. If you're down by 14 and here we go, man. So now you get two cracks out of you go for two. I would rather kick the extra point and now I'm at the end of the game. And where are we at? Are we worn out? Are we tired?

And let's go for two then. I like that. I get the whole, I get the whole, man, you only got one crack at it. Now you don't get it. You lose, but yet, you know, I just, I get it. And I know the numbers, man. I understand all that.

And I'm not telling you that I'm off of that and that now I don't listen to any of that crap because I have my eyes been open to some of this analytics. But, and I'm not opposed to any of that. It doesn't mean we won't use it. But my God, tell me where we're at in the game. Tell me, you know, how's our defense playing? How's our offense?

I know we're down 14, but is that 14 nothing? I mean, you know, is that, you know, is that Aaron Donald over there? Is that, I just think that sometimes that plays into it. That's all. I get it. I actually, okay, I disagree with it, but I respect the fact that you're like,

I would rather go for two when it means more and you have a chance to either win or lose the game at the very end. I kind of like that. That's, that's man-alytics. Makes no sense. I'm just saying the numbers, if you're doing the number, well, that's idiotic because if you were gonna do that,

why not go for it twice? Cause you get two opportunities and you're right. The odds would say that if you don't get it that time, you'll get it the next time. And now guess what? You still got a tie. Yeah. You know, I get it.

I just, you know, there again. Okay. Here's, here's, look, let me say this. I'm sorry to interrupt. No. Let me say this, Dan, is I've come miles, miles, miles away or miles forward from where I used to think about this stuff.

I did, you know, I, that was very turned off on some of this stuff about five years ago. No way. And we, I know it's shocking, believe me. But man, we used, you know, we began to like trend into some of this stuff with Sean and at New Orleans. And I get it, man. I get all that.

And I know there's a place for it. I just, I think you got to be careful, man. Yeah. There's still a human element to it. There's still a tough element to it. There's still tell me what, what the game is like, what's going on, who you're playing against, who's the quarterback.

Just that's all. I totally agree with you there. I do think that there's, sometimes it becomes like playing a game on a spreadsheet. And we know that's not how football is played. And I actually agree, like there's a, as long as you're not closed minded, which you're not, I think there's a perfect blend there somewhere

where you use the analytics, but you also say, hey, football is sometimes just lining up and beating the guy in front of you. Do you have a timeout guy? Do I have a timeout guy? Actually, it's funny because I'm, there's a couple of guys that are here on staff that we've been going through this stuff right now.

We had actually had one here that just left to go to New England, who was pretty dang good. Okay. Cause I'm, I'm just going to tell you as a, as you know, you obviously were coaching as an interim in Miami, but the easiest way to criticize a coach is for them to screw up their timeouts. That's cause we're dumb. And when we see someone screw up their timeouts,

we're like, oh, we could do that even though we can't. So I'm just telling you, maybe get a timeout guy. No, I will. And I'll tell you that when we're getting ready to play the Bears, you're going to be working for me. No, no, no, listen, I'm, no, I am. Jerigoff is a very good friend. I want Jared to do well, but no, I didn't know.

I think, I think there's Thanksgiving. I think Thanksgiving we're going to have a game. So I might have to go check out my friend's super fan and Detroit Don in the end zone who are legendary. You got to meet them. You got to do a little fan outreach with Detroit Don and super fan. Yeah, absolutely, man.

Look, I'm going to, I'm going to do everything I can to get out, get me open, communicate because I do, man. I want them to have some pride back in this community and this city and see if we can, we can build a winner, man. You know, it's been too long, way too long. Have you thought about what your Thanksgiving day is going to look like? Because that's, that's got to be different

from every year in the past. Like every Thanksgiving, hopefully for a long time, you're going to be working. So have you planned out like, have you thought I'm going to have my meal on Wednesday night or I'm going to have a snack on Thursday morning? Eric, I'm way ahead of you. Here's the beauty, man.

I played, I played three years at Dallas and I played three years in Detroit, you know, here or was part of that. And so I, I get the whole Thanksgiving deal and actually I love it, man. There is nothing better than a Thursday game. Okay, the early game on Thanksgiving particular, man. It's, and so it's beautiful.

We always do Friday, man. Friday is when you do the Thanksgiving dinner and you kind of got the weekend to like recover, recoup. And that's an easy man, no brainer there. I like that. Going from analytics to more of the traditional Dan Campbell approach to physical football, because at the end of the day,

football is a physical sport. If you're stronger than the other guy, you have a better chance of winning. Should the need arise? Do you think that you are ready to physically engage any other head coach in the NFL? No, I mean, that's, that's not even, you know, I don't even think about that.

So no, no, I mean, let's just say something crazy happens and somebody wants to come up and punch me in the face. Yeah, I'll be prepared, but I don't intend on taking anybody on. No, that's not, that's not my intention. So let's just say there's a burning building and your teams inside and, and Mike Vrabel standing at the doorway trying to block you from going in and safe. I've known, I've known Graves for years, dude.

Graves and I played against each other. I've known him for years. It's funny because this has come up a couple of times and, and so I'm not even getting into that. He's the best. No, we're, I'm not even gonna entertain that far. Okay, fair.

He's the best. We're, we're big fans of him. All right, my last question, cause I know you have to go and we appreciate your time has been awesome. I saw a quote, you're gonna flush the turds out of the Lions roster. Now I'm not asking the name names.

I said flush the turds. I don't know if I remember that. Maybe not. You have no room for turds. So don't, don't name names cause it's obviously there's a, you know, that time will come when you have to make cuts, but what exactly qualifies a turd on a roster? Yeah.

I think those are the, here's the beauty. When I made that cut, and I think what I said was that we don't want any turds here. That's what I was saying. So that was not alluding to, well, you know what? There were, we've got turds on this roster from previous. We don't. I'm gonna be honest with you with, there was no,

here's what a turd is. A turd is somebody that's constantly getting in trouble off the field. He does not love football. He's not very smart. Doesn't care about studying. He's not a team guy. All right.

He's got major ego problems. Sorry about that. That's a turd. It's a football turd, man. I love it. I'm gonna deal with it. It's not worth it. And so that's what I meant.

And I'm telling you the roster when we walked in, you know, I will say Bob Quinn and Patricia did a damn good job with who they brought in. Because really there are good guys here. We don't have any of those guys. I mean, there's not somebody, a lot of times when these happen and man, a team hasn't had success, you walk in and you're like,

ah man, this guy's a problem. This guy's a problem. Now, is there things just like any other team, man? You just, you start from the beginning and you see what you have here and what you can lean on. And yes, but those guys are, we don't have turds, man. We don't. They did a good job with that.

Okay, good answer. I just have one last thing. It's a three word answer on your part. If you could just list your three favorite rock bands of all time, we call you Dantera, but I don't know if they crack into your top five or not, but I was curious who your three goats are. Okay.

Yeah, that's okay. And certainly we're saying Metallica's rock, right? Yes, yes. I'm saying they're metal. Yeah, metal and rock both included in this. Okay, cool. All right. So I would say Metallica would probably be number one for me.

I would say, I would probably say Leonard Skinner would be two. All right. And I would say three, man, golly. I teeter between, it's probably gonna have to be ACDC if I'm just being honest with you. What was the teeter between? There's about three of them. Go list them.

I wanna know, I mean, all these bands root. All right, look, Led Zeppelin would be one. Yup. Okay, that's another one. That's a hard one between Led Zeppelin and ACDC. Look, Pantera would be up there. All right, totally different. Are you a Queens of the Stone Age guy at all?

I'm not saying I'm not a fan. Okay. But, you know, they're not in the top of my list, that's all. Got it, got it. I just figured, you know, that's a band. Like if you put that on in the gym, everyone's lifting a lot more weight, you know?

That happens. Iron Maiden. Yeah. Look, I like Iron Maiden. Look, I even like Megadeth if I'm being honest with you. I know he spliced. Yeah. All right, I do, man.

I thought Dave Mustaine did some good stuff, man. It was just, it was a tough road, but I thought, man, he's got some good stuff, but it's all good, man. I thought, I've actually, I broke my finger trying to learn the solo to free bird. I've been practicing it for the last like four months. I think my body finally gave out on me.

So I don't know how I'm going to be able to do it, but I think that that's, I thought that might be something that you'd appreciate, somebody that just straight up smashed their finger on their guitar, just like snapped last night. I do appreciate that, man. Cause I know, I do come from a musical family, although it's somehow it skipped me,

but I do love listening to music, but so I appreciate the grind of trying to get a song, man, and trying to hit a solo, especially that one is pretty good, man. It'll get there. All right, coach, this has been awesome. We appreciate it. Best of luck, except for when you play the Bears.

Also, please take care of our best friend, Jared Goff. We do love him dearly. So thank you though, and hopefully we'll talk some other time. Sounds good. Dan, Eric, man, you guys have a good one. I appreciate it. All right, great to meet you, coach.

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Save 25%. Okay, we're gonna wrap up with a quick Monday reading. Two things real quick. Yes. One, you might have noticed in the interview that Dan Campbell referred to me multiple times as my dead brother's name. Yeah.

I just wanna say he's the only person that's allowed to do that. It's so alpha. Real alphas know when to concede, and I've conceded that Dan may call me that name, but nobody else can. Yes. It's just for him.

It was shocking. It was shocking. Right off the bat came in hot. The most alpha thing I've ever witnessed in all the interviews we've ever done. Sure. I don't know a moment where someone has just like dropped their nuts on the table harder than that.

Ever. Ever. The second thing is we have now up in the Barstool Sports Store. I think one of our favorite t-shirts that we've ever come up with, it's Iron May Dan t-shirts. And they're fucking sick.

I can't personally endorse, but you should buy them if you're a Lions fan. Yeah. And they also has a dead bear on it. They like the designs so much. So I don't like it. I think they made posters of them too. So we'll have to send a bunch up to Detroit.

Yeah. Also another programming note. Chaps will be on our show on Wednesday for Rose. He's back in the office. We haven't seen him in a year plus. It's gonna be great to see him. His eye is fixed. He will know that.

Will know because there's a little misconception going on. Chaps, people thought Chaps didn't come to the office for a year and a half because of coronavirus. He actually didn't even know coronavirus was happening. He just didn't come to the office because his eye looks so shitty. So he finally got it cleared up and it did coincide with the vaccines rolling out.

So you might, it's, you know, it could be confusing, but it's really just his eye. So that was the real medical emergency this last year and a half, Chaps' eye. But he's back. Rose, if you want to leave a roast, you have to leave a five star review and then in the comments, you roast us

and we will pick out the best ones and Chaps will read them to us. Yes? Yes. All right. Little Monday reading. This is not as much of a reading as it is a discussion. So this is a poll that was done.

Where was this done? So it was on YouGov, yeah. That sounds official. They asked a bunch of people questions. It's 34 different animals, including humans. And you pit them against each other to see which Americans think is the mightiest. Well, okay.

So that was, that was one of, one part of it. But I thought the most interesting part was, it was man versus beast. Yeah. So if you keep scrolling down. That was the second part of the survey. Yeah. What, I mean, animals fighting each other,

I think has been done. I guess all this has been done, but it's fun to see the actual statistics. So you're right. Let's go through the quickly, the animals versus the animals. They basically came out that the elephant and the rhinoceros were the top dogs.

What I don't understand about this. So what was the exact science behind it? Is a single hornet on there? No, but they didn't take into account that animals could be allergic to bees. And so a sting from a mighty hornet would fell even the largest male elephant. I like this line from them.

Of course, geography and morality get in the way of ever knowing for sure. Thanks. That must have been the Michael Vick clause there. Okay. Yeah. Morality is subjective. So what you might think is brutal.

I might think is fucking sweet. But a new you gov study provides the next best thing. The views of the US public, our survey puts 34 different animals, including humans against one another to see which American think is the mightiest. We showed people seven random pairings of animals from the list and asked them

which of the two they thought would win in a fight. Animals are ranked by their win percentage. That is how often Americans thought that animal would win in a head to head matchup when it was one of the two animals shown. The results showed that the elephant wears a crown in the animal kingdom, but only slightly elephants had a win rate of 74%,

just fractions of a percent ahead of their single horn cousins, the rhinoceros. I don't like how they did this though. Rhinoceros. Because it has like the goose is 14%. But that means like the goose going up against, I want to know how many people thought a goose could be an elephant.

Is there one? No, but there are probably some that thought that the goose could be like. An ostrich. A walrus. A chimpanzee. If it was on land, maybe I would give, or in the air. If it was in mid-air, like falling out,

if you threw a walrus out of an airplane and then threw a goose out of an airplane, I think the goose would just survive by not hitting the ground. Actually, the goose should be number one. I fucking hate goose geese. Actually, I saw Operation Dumbo Drop and I don't think you can survive that too.

But. Gooses, gooseies. Geese. Goosers. Geeses. There's a new fucking family of gooseies by my house and I want to punt them. Family of guy.

Is that bad to say? Can you say that? No, because geese are, I think, universally hated. Yeah, okay. I think there's some seasons when you can sit. I would like to kick them in the head. Yeah. Right now is the season.

Yeah. I want to kick them all in the head. Once people get out on the golf course and starts having to interact with geese on a regular basis, then the sentiment of humans against geese turns swiftly towards kill them all. You missed the window. October 1st through April 15th.

There was a goose. What does that mean? There were geese. That's goose hunting season. That's goose hunting season? That's, like, did the hiss towards Stella one time and I almost went full punt. I would do that.

Yeah. If a goose went after my dog, I'd punt the goose. Geese are underrated dicks. They're the big assholes of the animal kingdom. That squashes neck. All right, so that's the pole. This is the more interesting pole, the man versus beast. And this is where the discussion will start.

What if an unarmed human was one of our respondents themselves? Does that mean, like, not with a weapon or no arms? That makes a difference to me. An unarmed? I'm going to go, no weapons. Has the arms. We took a further selection of animals and asked Americans if they thought

they could triumph in a battle against them without weaponry. There it is. The results show that Americans aren't confident in their abilities. Most Americans are convinced they could be a rat, a house cat. 69% only thing they could be the house cat? Yeah.

That's, you know what? That's a problem with American pride. Like, we need some fucking propaganda machine being like, hey, you see that cat in the bodega? You could beat it up. You are strong enough, bro. Well, I also think that some people probably think allergies. Some people get in a room with a cat that can't breathe.

That's true. A baby, for example. Don't let your baby in the same room as a cat. Steal its breath. Yeah, but it also breaks it down by gender. Yeah, so here's what we're going to go on. Only 64% of women think that they could beat up a house cat.

74% of dudes think that they can pull off. So let's go from the bottom up and we'll discuss it. And anyone object, please say it out loud. All right, so rat is the bottom. 68% of women think they can beat a rat. 76% of men. That's crazy. That should be 100-100.

Um, yeah. Dude, you can fucking kill a rat. I've tried to kill a rat before and failed. No, but if the rat was coming at you and they were fighting. Yeah, you would kill the rat. The only way that a rat could kill me is if it was like in that movie where they put it underneath a pot and then put a flamethrower on the pot

and the rat burrowed into me. Yeah, that's such a ugh. Yeah, but I think, yeah, like one on one in an octagon, I would defeat a rat easily. Yes, house cat, kill it. Yeah, I would just do that for fun. That's not even, by the way, that's not like Tony Shuffler's cat, that's not Scout.

Scout's not a house cat. It's a barn cat. That's a barn cat. Yeah, this is a house cat. A barn cat's a different animal. A house cat means that that cat's drinking milk. That cat's sleeping in beds. That cat's sleeping in the window sill.

That cat is fucking scratching on the sofa. Like that cat is a fucking total prima donna. So I don't like house cats. Some house cats are demons. I don't like house cats, though, because they act like they're the shit. They act like they're super tough and that they can, like they're the divas of the house.

They think that they control everything. But the bottom line is they rely on humans for everything. Correct. I am the alpha around a cat. If I want to kill the cat, I just put the tuna fish away. Yeah. And then guess what? You're going to die eventually.

No, but they would live for a while. But yes, cats can go forever. They can. They never die. Do you see that video? There was like a fire in Chicago, and the cat jumped out of like, it was like, it was probably like 12 stories and just bounced and kept

on running. Yeah. It was crazy. Listen, don't get me wrong, I like a select amount of cats, but it's preposterous to think that you couldn't defeat one. Even though I did see there was a video today of a cat that chased off a coyote. Yeah.

And that's another case of a cat not knowing the limitations. That's just a, but yeah, that's boldness. All right. RIP Bernie. Goose, 51% women, 71% men think they could beat up a goose. I don't. Is there something I'm missing with goose, geese? They're just aggressive.

They're just dicks. Yeah, but if I choose to be just as aggressive, I think I would beat it every time. Yeah. All you have to do is you just make yourself look big. And geese are dumb as shit. They'll be like, oh my, that's a really big bird that's walking towards me.

I better submit to it. And then you just kill it. You know what I would do? I'd grab the goose by the fucking head, and I'd bow Jackson bat over my knee, right on its neck. Snap its neck. Snap its neck. I like that.

And spit on it. I actually think it would be very satisfying to just punch a goose in the throat. Yes, absolutely. And they have teeth, too. So if you punch it on their tongue. Yeah, if you punch it, imagine punching a goose right in its mouth and its teeth fly out.

It's like, beak stays there, but you knock its mouth out. That would be sick. I'd love to kill a goose. Love, love. We're going to skip dog. Yeah. All right. Both medium and large size.

That's just a fucked up question. Don't ask you. Don't even why would you ask that? That's so fucked up. Give me a housecat. I'll fucking strangle a housecat. Why would I ever want to do anything to a dog besides pettit?

Boop it. Yeah, oh, maybe boop it to death. Yeah. Yeah. Smother it to death with kisses. Boop it to death over 16 years. I'm going to love love. All right, eagle.

This is where it gets tricky. 38% men, 23% women. I think I could take an eagle home. I give an eagle a fair shot because, by the way, 38% is that's too low. It's more people should think that they could beat you. The only way that an eagle is able to beat you is if it comes down and gets a good shot on your eyes

right away. What if it just blinds you? It does have like sick ass talents. So I guess you could just like, I guess you could just decapitate you. It's got a sharp beak. No, an eagle can't decapitate you. Now, the unarmed part makes it tough.

Like, could I take off my shoe and throw it at the eagle? Is you get the eagle to the ground? You win. Yeah, because now it's playing on your level. Yeah, and it's your own environment. I think that you can't throw a shoe. You just basically have to try to grab it before it grabs you. So the move would be to jump up in the air and to grab it

like you're mossing nature, and you just grab it and then you slam it on the ground and then all of a sudden it's like, I'm going to have to exert all my energy trying to take off now. While it's trying to do that, just boom, stamp him on his head. If I sat on an eagle, would I kill it? Yeah.

OK, so then I think I'd be an eagle. So yeah, I just got to get to the ground and then I just fucking powered by the eagle to the zoo. OK, King Cobra, 23% men, 8% women. I think I could beat a King Cobra. Absolutely, dude. It's on the ground. It's like, stomp it.

Yeah. What? The grip strength. Once it gets you circled up. No, you're thinking of the anacondas. You're thinking of J-Lo's butt, bonk. No, all snakes. Not all snakes.

I could beat a King Cobra. I think I could, too. What if it were on your neck? No, it bites you, dude. It bites you and then the venom gets you. But here's what I would do. I would simply let it bite me. And then after it was latched on, then you just strangle it.

Right, and hope it doesn't kill you. It's got the world's largest neck. And then after it's dead, then I go to the hospital. I'm like, hey, Cobra fight. Well, and also, this is technically like, if you killed a Cobra first, but you die after, you still win. That's what I'm saying. Right, so yeah, that should be 100%.

It's 100% win. 100% win rate. It's not 100% survive. It's 100% win. But if you don't die first, then you're good. Then you're the guy that killed the King Cobra. Yes. Chimpanzee.

Zero, 0%. You remember that chimp that ripped off the hands of the face? Yeah, I was going to say, but that's different, though. A chimpanzee in the wild versus a chimpanzee that like a crazy suburban person puts into clothes and diapers and stuff. That chimpanzee has just been emasculated and wants to rip everyone's face off.

A wild chimpanzee, I think I could take it. You think a wild chimpanzee would actually be more friendly? Like they'd swing over to you and like give you a banana? Yeah, then I just go like, oh, bash, bash a skull. I think there's 0% chance I could beat a chimpanzee. I'd say chimpanzee is where I'm starting to get 50-50. Because they're, how big is a chimp? Give us a chimp.

I wish we had an expert or something. If I'm twice the size of a chimpanzee, I think I could take it. But I think the smartest chimpanzee in the world. The length is 2.3 to 2.7 feet. The mass is 75 to 130 pounds. OK, so I outweigh by a significant amount. Wait, how far?

2.3 to 2.7 feet. No, I would kill this thing. I also think that you could trick a chimpanzee. They're smart enough to be able to be tricked. Yeah. Give it all the cigarettes it wants until 20 years later, he gets lung cancer. Right.

I think there's a bunch of ideas. Yeah. No one taller than five or six feet. Hank, you got any thoughts on chimps? I'll take one down. So wait, you would get, you'd get. I hate snakes. I've always hated snakes.

OK, you're like Indiana Jones? Yeah, I've just been terrified of snakes ever since Harry Potter 2. Yeah, never long about him with the sword. Do you too, Jake? No, I was talking about the scene. But is that, are you afraid of snakes? No, I read the books, Jake.

Jake, are you terrified? I've never thought. They're kind of crazy. They don't even concern you, though. But Hank is deathly afraid of them. Interesting. I never said that. This is our way of PFT and our way

of reestablishing ourselves as alphas of this podcast. Because you guys would not be able to take any of these animals. No, Jake. Where we can confidently, PFT's smash and eagle technique is full proof. Jake, you do not get to do that. You do not get to tell me who is the alpha on the spot. I know what you're doing right now, Jake.

I will not accept your concession. 16, 17% of people, men said they could beat a kangaroo. And 11% said, or women said they could be the kangaroo. I think I could take a kangaroo. I've seen that video where Deli steps up, because his dog is being attacked. The kangaroo was trying to defeat the dog, and the guy goes, he squares up, punches him in the jaw.

Yeah. Yeah, easy. A kangaroo is also, it's like an old timey fighter. I could beat up a boxer from 1850. Right. Kangaroos, they don't know. I just move later on. They don't know how to compete against us modern fighters

with their new techniques and mixed martial arts. They could beat up, like the logo for the Notre Dame Fighting Irish. A kangaroo could beat that guy up, because that's what it's trained for. What was the old game, the fucking? Punch out? Yeah.

No, the two things in the middle. Rock and stop. Rock and stop. Rock and stop. Robots. Yes, yes. That's exactly what a kangaroo does. We're in a lifestyle version of Damon Buster's.

Whoa. Oh my god, we got to go. Holy shit. I would simply jujitsu the kangaroo today. I would leg sweep it. Then I would use a little Steven Segal karate. And I would put it to sleep. And then I'd kill it.

Actually, you know what I would do? That looks awesome, by the way. Kangaroos are so big. Yeah, but give me a size check. Not all of them. Size check it. You're thinking of that swole kangaroo that's very clear. Bob Bafford's kangaroo.

You're thinking about the movie of what is it called? The Kangaroo Jack. I was like 15. Yeah, great film. When I was 15, I went to visit my brother in Australia who was studying abroad. And I was like, oh, I'm going to pet a kangaroo. They're everywhere.

We saw them. We're in the hotel. They're literally in the park a lot. You're 15. And I'm like, all right, I'm going to pet one, like whatever. They're literally everywhere, like squirrels. And once you see them in person, you realize how fucking big they are.

And then all they have to do is just jump up and kick you in the chest and you're dead. It sounds not that different from your fantasy of catching a fish with your bare hands. When once you actually confront the wildlife, you'll chicken out again. Hank, if a kangaroo's. If I had to, if I had to pet it, I would have.

Let me ask you a question. If a kangaroo went to kick you in the chest and you grabbed his leg, what does he do then? His legs are so powerful. What does he do then if you grab his leg? He kicks out of it. You know what I would do? Yeah, I would jump in his fucking pouch

and punch an uppercut him from underneath. From inside of him. Just like to be sitting in his pouch, punching his abs. Body shot him to death. Or what you do, you just run around behind him real quick, grab his tail, and then he starts swinging him in a circle by his tail. Yeah, just roll him.

And then he gets dizzy. Like the discus. Do you think that kangaroos would come back like a boomerang? Like if you go like 20 feet and turn around in the air? Absolutely. A large male can be six foot seven and weigh up to 200 pounds.

Well, I could take a kangaroo. I weigh more. And height, yeah, he's a little bit taller, but he wouldn't stand up straight. But he's too skinny. I still feel like that. I got the weight. Yeah, and I probably got the reach.

What are the, their arms aren't, they don't have good wingspans. No, they're like T-Rexes. Right. So I got reach and weight. Easy. All right, next up is a wolf. I think that's just too adjacent to a dog.

It's very similar to a dog, but I think I could take it. I don't know. They cut to black in the last scene of the gray. With Liam Neeson. We're going to beat everyone to this. So I don't know. A wolf. I think I could beat a wolf.

Here's the technique. You want to know the technique? Yeah. You just, you wrap your arm, you take off your shirt because you're allowed to have clothes on, right? Yeah. You take off your shirt, you wrap your shirt around your arm, then you hold your arm out in front of the wolf.

It bites onto your arm. It latches on. Then you just kick it in the balls. No, you just grab its, you grab its windpipe and snap it. Just with your fingers? Yep. Just like that. Done.

Do you think that wolves are too trusting? Where you could like lure a wolf in and like you would a dog and like let it smell the back of your hand. Remember, what was the, what was the book? Iron Wolf. No. Iron Wolf. No.

Wah, White Fang. White Fang. You could also. That was a great book and movie. You could also, with a wolf, grab it by the scruff of its neck and then it doesn't get like basically hypnotized at the point. Yep. That's true.

Who thinks that you're its mom? Who wrote White Fang? Was it Gary Paulson? Jack London, I think? Jack London. I was a big Gary Paulson guy. The hatchet. Jack London, yep.

Jack London. All of the wild too, right? All right. So the next up is, I mean, this is, people are going to now say that this is ridiculous. Crocodile is 10% think they could be the crocodile, male, 8% women. I actually think I'd have more trouble with the cobra

than I would a crocodile. Right, it's at foot level. So it's perfect kicking. I would just sprint directly at the crocodile and kick it. I would just run around it to its back and then just fucking get him from behind. He can't move laterally. Right.

Like I, if you're telling me I'm swimming. Yes, a crocodile would beat me in the pool. Easily. Drag me under the death roll. But we're just out on the fucking lawn. Yep. I'm just like, hey crocodile, I just do a big roundabout run.

He slowly tries to move. I hop on its back. And then again, windpipe trick done. Also crocodiles are stupid as shit. They're basically dinosaurs. They've got a tiny little brain. I think it's actually easier than all this. You see a crocodile.

You run directly at it. You simply jump over its head and land with a double leg foot smash right on its back. A crocodile can't raise up on its hind legs. You just jump over its mouth, smash its neck, smash its back, just with your feet. You just land on him like a surfboard. It's very easy to defeat a crocodile.

Yes. Easy, easy, easy. Happy Gilmore took down an alligator to get his ball. Yeah, that's true. Exactly. All right, last three are grizzly bear. I'll give a grizzly bear. I'll say the grizzly bear will win.

Yeah, easily. Lion would win. Elephant, I have some questions. Well, so it's interesting. Let's not skip over the lion just yet, because. No, a lion would beat you up. No, because this one's interesting. This is the only one where a higher percentage of women

than men said that they could defeat the animal. Every other one, I think women are more realistic. You can probably guess by listening to us talk about how we defeat these animals. But 8% of women think that they could be the lion, which by the way, I want to meet the 8% of women that think they could take down a lion. I don't know why, is it because the female lions

are the hunters? No, I think it really is just dudes filling out this survey. Most dudes are doing it like we're doing it. And they're like, well, I've got to give one animal a win. And they all went to lion? Yeah, right. So it really should be 9% male, 8% female. Or it probably is just based on the most recent animated

movie that they've watched featuring any of these animals. Right, right. All right, so elephant, if an elephant falls down, can he get back up? I don't know. Yeah, they sleep. You sure? They sleep on their sides?

What about on their back? Like, what if I turtle an elephant? You couldn't push one over. I'm not asking to push one over. I'm saying, what if I turtle an elephant? Just answer that question first. You could not turtle an elephant. How would answer the question of how first?

OK, I'd grab his fucking tail and I'd pull on it. That would hurt and be annoying. You'd probably kick. I think that would kick you like 30 feet. No. I think elephants are another case of an animal being so smart that you can trick it. Yeah.

So you could probably get an elephant really dizzy just by running in circles around it. Or you could make it fall in love with you, probably. Yeah, probably. I'm going to say elephant 50-50 shot. I think that's fair. It might be a bit ambitious. You just went up and just took a bite out of the elephant.

If you started just eating it? Yeah. I think the best technique would actually be to pretend that you're a baby elephant and just go try to get some milk. And elephants are so nice. I've actually seen videos of elephants raising other animals. They might try to raise you.

And then, boom, it's Oedipus effect. You can kill it super easy later. Now, this might be like cartoon brain. This might be cartoon brain. What if you tied the elephant's snout? What do you call it? Trunk? Trunk.

In a bow. Yeah, or just, yeah, not. Would he just blow up? You nodded it up? Yeah, if he couldn't breathe. What about his mouth? I think eventually it gets rid of it. It might have asthma.

I forgot about the mouth. It might have asthma. Could you feed it a rock? Could you paint a rock to make it look? What do elephants eat? Do they eat anything that looks like rocks? Because this is my main strategy here. What do elephants eat?

Water. Roots, grasses, fruit, and bark. So vegetarians? They eat up to 300 pounds of food in a day. Holy shit. What if I just wheeled out an old timey piano and then the elephant died of heartbreak? Because he's like, oh, that was my mother.

That's not a bad idea. That's my 50-50 shot. It's just ivory? Yeah. Does this display ivory for? Yes. Like, hey, check this out, elephant. I think, honestly, your best technique,

I would probably go for something with the trunk as well. And if that didn't work, just submit and hope that the elephant didn't kill me. Have mercy on me. All right, well, I would like to hear what, maybe we'll put up a couple polls tomorrow. Get a little discussion going. Ooh, big goal for the Panthers.

What about the gorilla? Oh, the gorilla would kill us, dude. The gorilla's the mightiest. It's got thumbs, too. And it's, yeah. No, the gorilla would fuck you up. It didn't kill that kid. Well, I got to bring that up.

Our sweet friends. It's insane. It's way to end the show. Too soon. All right, let's do numbers. We'll do polls. Eight. Give me eight again.

Oh, wait, it's not in there. 45. 99. 94. 67. Can anyone go back to back? 94, 94, 94. Wait, someone go back to back?

You. Oh, yeah, I did. But it didn't actually. What is that? 25. OK. Jake? Third timer.

Just give us the journalists fact. According to the National Association of Printing and Ink Manufacturers, most newspapers use inks compromised of soybean oil and various pigments and waxes. That's what your newspaper ink is, soybean oil. Oh, I love it. OK. I love you guys.

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