Pardon My Take - Mark Titus, Elite 8 Recap, Hank Isn't Getting A Cat Because He Hates Animals

Episode Date: April 1, 2019

Duke lost and Hank isn't getting a cat even though he should do the right thing and save a life (1:55 - 5:59). Recap of the other Elite 8 games including #BigMad for both Kentucky and Purdue fans. Virginia wins in incredible fashion and Bruce Pearl sweat all over everyone (5:59 - 25:01). Who's back of the week including Elon Musk trying to bring back Harambe (25:01 - 33:53). Mark Titus joins the show to talk about the Elite 8, Cal and Coach K, why the Final Four will still be great, and his life as a Hollywood bro now (33:53 - 64:41). Segments include Bad Visual for Jason Witten, Lebron Blames, Ass Eating SZN, Hank hot in the streets, and PFT is trying to go to Hong Kong for half a day.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take, the Elite 8 has turned into the Final Four. We have our good friend, Mark Titus, on to apologize and also break down the Final Four and what we watched this past weekend. We have Who's Back of the Week, some more Big Mad from the losing teams this weekend, a Monday reading and Hank Hot in the Streets, a packed show for you.

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No place to hang out or wash in, and then I can't live all on the sun, oh no. We're gonna run down to electric revenue and then we're taking higher. It's part of my take presented by Barstool Sports. Welcome to part of my take presented by the Cash App, our new presenting sponsor. Go download the Cash App right now. Today is Monday, April 1st, and I'll be honest with you guys, I think Hank should still have to get a cat. I think it's cruel if he doesn't, because honestly what you're doing right now, you're

no better than Michael Rappaport in terms of killing cats. You've killed a cat. That's on you, Hank. I thought we were doing Big Mad for a segment. No, I'm Big Mad right off the top, because listen, Duke lost, and I really thought it was Duke's year. I was rooting for the boys. Who wouldn't root for Duke?

A real underdog story this year, like a real scrappy team to pull for. Three top ten picks. They got all the fucking number one, number two, number three recruit. How the hell could they lose? And then they lose to Michigan State, and Hank doesn't have to get a cat. It's basically the worst possible scenario. We don't get to possibly get neck tattoos, which I was looking forward to, and Hank has not been a man of his word and won't just get the cat, because Duke went 0-4 against

the spread. That should count for something. Absolutely. That should count for Lisa Kitten. It's also shocking. It's very, very surprising to me that the way this all shook out, we're such bad gamblers, but we somehow devised a bet that nobody lost. Nobody lost.

That's a shame. I agree. You guys are bad gamblers. What about just doing the right thing? Maybe think, pre-think. This is a future U-pro. Pre-think? Okay.

It's actually more dangerous than normal thinking. Yeah. Actually, pre-thinking is what we tried to do, and you bitched and moaned and wouldn't let us do a real bet. No. Absolutely not. Listen. We had stipulations up the fucking asshole.

I get why you guys are mad. It was red tape. You guys fucked it up. I'm sorry, Duke lost. You know who? And I'm sorry. I care about saving lives. It's just like, do you know who you really hurt, Hank?

Who? All you meows because there was so much confusion in the streets. They didn't know if you were getting a cat, not getting a cat. It should have been straight forward, Duke doesn't make the Final Four. I was almost like I didn't make the bet at all, and you guys forced this on me in the first place. Oh, yeah. We forced you.

We held you down until you shove a gun to your head. We put a cat asshole in your mouth. All I did was a good sport, and I fucking dealt with it. I had to watch these games. The most, honestly, after all these Patriot Championship runs I've had in the past few years, this was the most stressful game I've ever had to watch. Damn. You talk.

so stressful it was very but it was an awesome awesome game and i'm just want to say you didn't just let down us you didn't just let down the awls are you talking to a mirror right now like what did i do you let down sarah mcgloughlin yeah oh how upset is she gonna you know what those are those are african children and no no that's in the arms of an angel that's those are dogs who does the chris long you just and the water boys yeah yeah um but seriously hey you you let her down you you know what you know i'm gonna do i'm gonna sick pita's twitter account on you in the eyes and they're not wants to be buckling they will go ham solo me go off go off i'm just sick i'm sick for the homeless cats out there all the one-eyed cats that have sinus

infections and have the eye boogers dripping down their cheeks wait they're so sad we now flashed to a little kitten with a little flea right on his eyeball just stuck on his eyeball oh look you can see all those cats ribs all it needs is just a loving home to feed it to an efficient nourish it and let it suck on its teeth that you know that pita cards who just killed it just fucking guillotine the cat right in front of your face you should actually have to kill a cat yeah that should actually be the end of the bed well you are a strangled cat with your hands yeah you're all you're all red faced you're so embarrassed okay well thanks for being here lovely by the way thank you for asking like a fucking lobster your tan didn't even do you

didn't even get tan you got burned hatey it's very so well yeah you didn't drink enough water out no he thought that the sun didn't go through the clouds that's actually a true thing that's a common mistake yeah the UV index was cooking yeah all right uh let's wrap up the cat thing arm and hammer thank you for at least stepping up to the plate arm and hammer clump and seal cat litter destroys odor on contact talking dead gone finished never to be smelled again we are big adoption guys if hank was a big adoption guy he'd step up to the plate he'd adopt a cat he would do what's right instead he's not going to do anything hold on let me finish the ad read you asshole arm and hammer clump and seal it destroys odor on contact go buy it right now

so even though hank's not getting a cat you can still buy arm and hammer clump and seal they've been a great sponsor awesome that they stepped up and got into this storyline so get it get the arm and hammer clump and seal he'd be odor free for seven days hanks can be odor free for the rest of his life because he won't adopt a cat actually that's not true he barely showers so uh you should actually shower in arm and hammer clump and seal hank maybe that would do wonders for you uh so thank you arm and hammer clump seal yeah maybe they can sponsor marlins man's cats because don't don't those cats don't bring it real quick i got some sabre metrics for you okay i wrote these down that is the scariest thing so what right now go go to marlins man's twitter and look at the videos

that he's taking of the cats in his office marlins man has eight cats he has melt lines that live in his office they're not normal cats these cats are all like 30 pounds and very hairy how many hairballs you think maro's man spits up a week a lot a ton of them so their names are orio malamass tribbles mufasa simba tiger for doing this fluffy darth vader romeo and truffles i didn't oh truffles actually truffles and tribbles any sort of mad and then the truffles any plural for a dog or cat like i knew i knew a dog named biscuits and he was a giant pit bull that's great but his name is biscuits so everybody loved yeah truffles uh all right so let's talk about the games let's start we'll start with the most recent go backwards the elite duke loses michigan state out coach

coach k out coach by tom iso tom iso reaches his eighth final four which is incredible i will say this i'm gonna miss zion a lot yeah because he was so much fun to watch this season he was the college basketball season and he leaves like a hole in all of our hearts for the final four and zion was the only one who like wanted it i felt like a lot of times during this duke run the other guys were just kind of a trade jones obviously stepped up on friday but zion was a man like he was a man gaming and game out acc title run all that stuff but coach k can't do it with the best recruits in the world i think at some point coach k is just going to get team usa to play for duke and be like what those are the rules well there was definitely an element of having people just standing around

watching zion on the court too yeah like if you were his teammate you would just stand and be like yeah only one zion go dunk on everybody yeah that's fun to watch zion go through your shoulder and everyone they won't call foul yeah oh he's big on the shoulders big on the elbows also you know what he's really really good at is jumping his his arms into another person's arms and getting that call every time oh Hank coach never work in the NBA coach k on the hot seat free throws kills duke at the end that's pretty easy that's fundamental basketball also terrible defense on coach isos uh three point play that he called out of a time out that was fantastic i'd also like to point out the fact that uh i wouldn't even say was coach isos best job i think the student section oh stepped

up for michigan state hot seat Cameron crazies yeah because the michigan state student section i don't know if you guys caught this they were doing the thing where they count down the shot yeah they got like three seconds ahead of what their student section lives on coffelin time and they were counting down i saw they definitely got duke to shoot the ball a few times a few times yeah so shame they won the game thought it was their year michigan state's been an awesome story i'm rooting for them big 10 strong uh iso sweet vindication for everybody that loves coaches that scream at players yes it turns out all the snowflakes out there that didn't like coaches who looked like they were going to punch one of their starters uh you're wrong nice guys finish

last that's the best way to coach is to threaten with violence pft thoughts on iso overrated uh it's i still think like i said this this win was on michigan state student section okay um i'm not surprised i i bet on michigan state yeah this game um i still think that iso is very very very overrated final force yeah that's fine when it was last time he was in one uh in the modern era like four years ago i know it was way it was way longer than that way like 2014 no it was like 2000 no he absolutely oh let's see okay let's see stats and info department checking it out let's see you're gonna be wrong and it's gonna suck nope nope it's like 24 out of 25 for sure it was 2014 24 out of 25 recruiting classes had made it to the final four if the player stayed for four years

i want to say they lost to connecticut oh yeah 2015 yeah there you go 2015 but before that when was the last time you won a championship before but before that when was that go on yeah 2010 2010 then all the way back to 2009 when was that time they won a championship four years he goes to a final when was the last time they won a championship all right you want to i'm about rings dude yeah i don't know about you i don't care about final four is all that bullshit they're letting texas tech into the final so wait so then but royce better than k even though k's got more rings yeah but uh coach williams has more rings than coach k since he's been at UNC got it got it got it um all right so want to talk about uh coach on the hot seat we'll go to the next game

calipari calipari calipari depending on where you're from heating up pretty pretty fast pretty fast so kentucky another heartbreak in the elite eight they scored one point one single point from the from the free throw line in the three point line in the second half can't really win like that that's uh the bruce pearl like his his sweat amazing we need a bruce pearl can amazing just a bruce pearl can because he's insane and he's fiery and he goes nuts and he yells at everyone and he out coached calipari i have no idea how he managed to get shoulder sweat but he does and it looks awesome when he has it like when he takes his coat off he sweats from the top of his shoulders yeah he's got like little shoulder pads of sweat it's amazing and he's like he's kind of a big guy

he's very demonstrative he's like i i actually like to say him and calipari they're like if you took two twin brothers and you did an experiment they're both in the mafia of course and you raised one in italy and the other in like suburban new jersey yeah bruce pearl becomes the new jersey guy yep calipari's is like nice put together uh business surprise versus johnny sacks or yeah sopranos versus Tony soprano johnny sacks yeah fury yeah uh furio furio thanks Hank yeah the guy that um almost pushed tony to the helicopter blade that was crazy uh all right so we had let's do a quick big mad for kentucky fans people who are tweeting us their instant reactions is actually trending on saturday night so here's a few that we're going to go through uh this one was

it's all papa john's fault he cursed us when he put on the blue sweater these are facts and it's okie's fault for coming out at halftime of course they're going to win when you roll out that kind of motivation and i blame brad calipari for this loss he didn't bring enough swag uh don't bring brad don't do that brad swag was solid yeah and and it also is very true that when you have a player that everyone loves with a torn a cl and then rolls out on his scooter at halftime i mean come on yeah that's almost unfair that's a willis reid moment yeah that's almost unfair what they did there uh spin zone we uk played well really if you take into account the terrible free throw shooting three point percentage on ball defense off ball defense rebounding terrible turnovers

also swag calipari never made on camera appearance to this uh so this blood is on cbs's hand that's fair no he was on camera yeah he was this guy didn't even know what he was talking about watch the games bro watch the film uh kentucky has too many mba caliber players and it doesn't translate to college ball kentucky would destroy albernon the mba court that's actually very very true that's right they're playing in the wizard stating which does not qualify as professional john said getting ready for cal's tweet thanking everyone leaving for the mba and praising how much they grew as people in the five minutes they spent on campus yeah i love i love this the switch that that all kentucky fans flip when they're like we're the best team we have all these recruits to

then boom bounce for the tournament fuck these guys all cal cares about is the mba well the the real test for for uh kentucky basketball is always the mba draft yes that's when you actually find out who won the regular season yes whoever had the most top 10 players yeah um let's see we had one more oh cal Perry is going to have all those like frame jerseys and stuff of his former players at his funeral yes like just like standing them up on his casket for sure i coach derrick rose yes there's going to be there walking across the funeral with his son uh a big mad at schools with two mascots are you a war eagle or a tiger that's actually a great question make up your minds uh and that's actually a very good question i think i have a very simple answer to that

when you're sober they're tigers when you're drunk and you want to yell something they're war eagles yeah way more fun to yell war eagle war damn eagle war damn eagle it is hard to be big mad when the season isn't over the mba draft is still two months away boys players first programs sure have their perks that is the biggest night that is the biggest night right there and then finally uh some kid jack said my mom who turned on the lights in our living room when kentucky was up 11 i mm mom yeah come on come on mom what the fuck she's like she probably only turned the lights on because she was making like a nice snack for her son and his friends i love i love sports fans so much because listen mom did screw that up like like of course it doesn't

matter but it absolutely matters there's another guy who said that he watched every game watch four games with his dad this year they all were losses and he like surprises dad at the last second and came over and watched today's game oh come on yeah come on man come with the light the mom turning off wait did you turn on the lights turned on the lights okay it's probably getting a little dark in there so when you roger gadel did that the super bowl and it totally swung the tide true true you know that's going mom there's nothing like watching sports all day sunday and then you get that like holy shit i've been sitting in like complete darkness and this my life is just a waste of space it is the best you know what i did today i watched the games on my couch underneath a

weighted blanket there you go it was amazing nice the real one or the or the knockoff ones that give you lead poisoning i i hope it's the knockoff ones that give me lead poisoning okay because those make you hallucinate at some point yeah and i can't wait for those days to creep out on the show we'll have a start sundown a couple weeks where it will be awesome and then you'll die yeah it'll be wonderful for everyone uh all right i have a couple notes here yeah before we move on um charles barkley so excited to see charles go to the final four as a fan don't like a robber you don't like respect for journalism i did actually think it was hilarious his little setup at his desk with all the auburn balloons yeah he also picked them to lose the sweet 16 game oh that's fine

that's extra motivation okay like sister gene did that uh to chicago yeah so little yeah all right um barkley needs to get in a wheelchair that that'll really put it over the top charles my other no he's gonna be so drunk in minneapolis oh i can't wait we're gonna run into him for sure it's i'm just gonna hang out at the hotel bar the whole time that's my goal yes in minneapolis i want to get thrown through a window by charles barkley i think i'm the kind of dickhead that can make it happen well no we'll we'll we'll just walk around and i'll hold a window oh there you go throw you through it or just yeah charles like it's like the dunce when you walk around with the basketball hoop you dunk on people like hey charles throw him through the window i'm down um my other note was

i just really love hearing the announcers scream macklemore when it's a guy that looks absolutely nothing like like more dunking on people yes like great play by macklemore it's just it's just a real treat every time uh also sorry to kentucky fans but tyler harrow uh that he was truly wisconsin today he was like three for eleven he had that cold shooting that's that's what you get would have been great to see him go back home and play in minnesota yeah right exactly exactly have a nice little reciprocity final four all right next up was saturday night one the craziest game of the elite eight perdua vs virginia karsten edwards was absolutely on fire he had like what he ended up with like 43 points or something out of out of the 70 points that they scored at the next closest

was six or seven points virginia won on an absolute miracle covered on even more of a miracle which listen if you bet on perdua plus four and a half you have a right to complain for at least a month because that was one of the worst beats ever like so many little things had to happen the the end of regulation that had to work out just exactly the fact that it's karsten edwards you know throwing the ball a little bit out of bounds there at the end it just all had to fall apart so perdu fans i feel very bad for you i said some nice stuff about you on friday you're back to not going to the final four and it's fucking brutal fuck i really missed a cool opportunity to tweet out like you yeah you might feel bad for perdu but this is the campus they get to go back home to yeah and then

put the beach picture of f a u on there they don't even have jakes anymore jakes got shut down no more free hot dogs that's tough so that's very that's kicking the ass all right so big mad for perdu real quick ty Jerome looks like he'd sell you a gram of oregano wrapped in an aluminum foil uh out of his o five accord that's actually very true yeah uh there was actually a lot of like really sad ones he's a he looks like a guy that's got six calvin pissing on things bumper stickers on the back of his car truck nuts yeah yeah this one like some of these perdu fans are different level of sadness because they never win anything and they're always not like the beat Ohio state yeah that's true uh this is the saddest i've ever been went to every perdu game home game for four years drove 600 miles to

watch them lose to kansas in the sweet 16 two years ago live in texas and had every texas tech fan mock me last year and now we have to live knowing the team that lost to um bc one that's just sad yeah like i don't even have a joke for that i mean well let's be honest like the fact that uva lost in the first round last year that probably gave them way more motivation more focus is is that the playbook now yeah is like get your hearts just ripped out of your chest become the most embarrassing moment in the tournament history yeah embarrass the shit out of yourself and your family and everybody and then you'll come back and have a really good tournament next year i love these ones uh for rebuilding season i'll take an elite eight run

not even so i i don't really under like you guys got good draft picks to reloading yeah what's going on here listen and in perdu you don't you don't rebuild you just reload next man up why did i think things would be different this time we can't have nice things cow guy shouldn't be let back in the state of indiana and that fuck dia whatever ruined the thong song me thong song for me for life that's true yeah he did look like sisco and you now cannot ever listen to that again i'm sure cow guy's heartbroken that he's not allowed back in india and never come back the game was similar to a bj woke up with my throat hurting and no satisfaction okay that's pretty i mean that makes sense yeah does yeah people are just really sad like some guy got scammed at tickets and he

waited in the rain like i feel like it's more like kind of lingus because that whole thing just tasted a little fishy no this one it's it's like your wedding day you take pictures with your soon to be wife and then she doesn't show up at the altar my heart is broken true that sounds like some deep-seated shit bro this guy obviously just experienced that he's been he's been waiting for your years to be able to like get off of this is like that time i got ditched by my wife yeah oh man that's bad yeah uh last one big mad uh wife said she can't understand how i can get so mad about losing one bet tomorrow i'm gonna go take her shopping buy her a purse and as soon as i get home sell her dog that's actually sounds like a healthy way to go that's very and then one

guy just said uh we were supposed to have happy cocaine tonight now we have sad cocaine and there's nothing worse than sad cocaine okay interesting yeah we're kb no swag on that to confirm cocaine Kyle uh so that was i mean that was tough for Purdue i felt really bad for Purdue i don't really know what to say other than virginia now we got to watch them play basketball again oh i'm you know what at this point since we don't have like any of the titans with the exception of the michigan state students section we've left out a huge basketball i want texas tech and uva in the finals and i want the over under to be set at 105 points it'd be perfect it'd be great wouldn't spin zone we're gonna get really cheap tickets in minneapolis so that was the last game kanzaga

the plucky underdog uh failed to go to the final four yet again that's tough i doubt that that program will ever get over that hump it's just they've got that stink on them now yes and it's tough to wash it out i feel like some i feel like we should probably explain um i hate explaining jokes but a lot of people have just not understood we'll just say we get we know we well let's just say this just because a storyline just because a team proves a storyline wrong doesn't mean you have to give up the storyline yes when you love a storyline the results don't matter so the kanzaga whatever they might have done in 2017 doesn't matter to us we just want a route for kanzaga to finally get over the hump and mark few to get to the final right like coach is oh it doesn't matter

that he's in the final four eight million times i still don't think he'll ever get back there and you know like certainly 2015 or 2010 or 2009 or 2006 or 2005 statistically he'll be back there by 2023 and no later gross i'm probably gonna be dead by then yeah from the lead poisoning the lead poisoning right yeah i was gonna say what's the what's the cat shit poison that you get sometimes uh like cats can drive you insane here's the thing about cats fun fact hank cat shit it yeah it could kill you oh it's ammonia i think there's a lot of ammonia and cat shit in this um but it's scary but we'll improve the smell of your house hey what would you do if we just got 10 cats and put them in your apartment i would remove them how give them back

to you where i bring him i bring him on big cat bought these cats honestly hank would probably just open his door and let him into the hallway yeah like god sort him out that's fucked up marlos man said to give you one of his cats we need to get one of his cats i mean if duke had lost by more than 10 points i would have taken one of you you know one man in my word but here's the other thing hank having cats in your house that like a little weird excrement that they release it can also turn your turn you into an entrepreneur like some of the world's most successful business men have like a small amount of cat poisoning yeah that's actually true that's how steve jobs came up with uh the iphone mm-hmm he just ate a lot of cat poop he just know yeah he opened his mouth and

just why do you suck on his little cats why do you think all the tea yeah why do you think all the weirdos are big cat guys they just they have a little crazy in them but it's also genius don't talk about your fans like that elizabeth holmes probably has like 20 cats fuck you hank i'm seriously i i don't look at his stupid sunburn you look like a lobster did hank did you use any sunscreen at all yeah i did i told you it was cloudy one of the when i first vacation when i first got there not soon enough honestly honestly yeah honestly coming back to this honestly like being in the sun all weekend and then come back to this like hate and misery bad vibes there's no hate i i used to know i used to remember big cat that was pvo you know pvo throw the throw the beads up positive vibes

only i really wanted you this is this is for the show it would be it would have been great for the show i agree oh so now you're saying that you're not fully committed to this show no i there's something that you could do to make the show better and you're choosing not to do it no all right well you're doing a cat you're doing another cat bed at some point just like i'm gonna do a pinky bet in next fall you're gonna do another cat bed and speaking of at speaking of bets when christine yellow twins the well we're gonna get to that we're gonna get to that in a second Jesus christ try to produce a show all right go to who's back louis kank uh i mean going from a light a light topic such as that such a heavy one is tough but our sweet prince harambe for those that don't know

he was a 17 year old western ireland ireland gorilla gorilla that was a lot of lot of gorillas having another fucking banana and botanical garden a few years ago and miss silverback passed me another fucking banana uh ilan musk more scottish ilan musk came out with a wrap today about harambe and so he's back in the mainstream people are remembering you know that nerd would ruin our sweet prince honestly although i will say like not you know not a bad song can i ask a question it was pretty bad it can i ask a question is ilan musk has he i thought he got canceled for being like a fraud with all of his spaceships and tunnels and careful with the f word because he likes to litigate um but yeah he i asked the question you did is he a fraud i'm

asking as well am i confirming with you that he's a fraud we're not on mars we don't have tunnels he the biggest thing ilan musk has done is he launched a car into outer space he did yeah those people made it out of those caves oh big cat yeah look yeah no help to him no he put a little fucking he put the pressure on him with a submarine that didn't work yeah he's a little baby submarine but let's kill all the kids except one of them let's not talk about ilan musk we're talking about our sweet prince iran that he's back that's just sad you know okay that's too soon he's going to collaborate with scrella at some point right he's like a collision course between those two yeah i would say so i would say so uh is that it scrella needs a new band member it's true uh what

cell block b or whatever the hell his name cheese boy or what was it what were the names of his it it was fate made up names of yeah it was like it was like prison poly yeah b block b yeah b block b block bryan um yeah uh weight weight gang yeah weight gang walter he he just came up and edward orton yeah uh you have any other tank for who's back shawshank this is my my bro shawshank no that's it that's it okay just just the one all right all right well you took my who's back of the week for harambe but i've got another one alex ovechkin is back oh big time so alex he scored his 50 50th and 51st goal on saturday and he is the only player obviously in the nhl with 50 goals this year here's a little fun stat about alex um he he has one more 50 goal

season than all other active nhl players put together so this is all lining up for the caps to make another deep playoff for he's actually another aoc he's got aoc right right in a row in his name wait no yeah ovechkin ovech it's got a c in there too you can't spell alexander ovechkin without aoc um but yeah so the bottom line is a capture looking really good tom wilson beat the fuck out of some dude that was trying to talk shit to him he probably wasn't even looking no it was a fight it was a fight caught him right on the button yep so uh i would i would be very very afraid if i were the eastern conference right now very afraid very afraid i'm just calling it it's our year uh all right my who's back is that's a 50 yeah that's it well because yeah you stole

my harambe one but you did a much less funny job than i would have done with it yeah i had i was going to be way better with it than you uh it's not funny dude you got fucking murdered and you said he was irish you said that harambe was irish island say it again island i o w l a n d no your gorillas island are you sure you didn't mean island is iowa is it is god is western ireland more okay uh my who's back the week is shitty you guys are just so today and everyone's gonna try to make shitty jokes online so much so that microsoft actually preemptively banned all april fools jokes for for their whole company yeah what about the clippers uh that's such a good question just as the team steve balmer says that they're gonna move them to

Seattle just a joke that would be so funny that would be really funny my god But yeah, they be careful out on on the internet streets today because big brand day today big brand It was good like six or seven years ago. Now. It's like everyone wants to one up each other But they all suck and you just basically have to wade through a bunch of shit. Yeah wondering if it's real or not We used to be so dumb as a society like 25 years ago I remember Taco Bell took out that full-page ad saying that they purchased the Liberty Bell Yeah, and they were renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell. Yeah, it was genius at the time because everyone thought it was real Right as we were so dumb. We're like, oh, yeah, that makes sense

Yeah, the Mexican food company that doesn't give you diarrhea is gonna buy a historical landmark I said doesn't doesn't doesn't important distinction Yeah, my other who's back is orange County choppers because we're gonna get Paul Tuttle Jr. on the show Because I sat on a flight across from him and I've never been so star-struck in my entire life Meme guy. Yeah, the meme. Yeah, we're talking about it Bubble was like, no, I don't know who that is But we should make a meme out of him when he comes on the show like that other show about the choppers We're like, no man, that's the guy. That's the guy. That's the guy

He it was awesome because he was wearing his His silver Oakley's orange shaded silver Oakley's and then called senior and I heard overheard him on the phone saying I'm working on it and I was like Jesus Christ. I'm just watching the show Mm-hmm. So I love that show. It's just senior yells a junior junior yells a senior. Where's Mikey bike gets made? Mm-hmm. It's great fucking show. I mean, that's basically the plot to every pond stars, too Yeah, it's like where's chumlee. Yeah. Oh, he's fucking up and then the old man drives a sick car And he's like you know, I'm losing all my money. I got this car for five dollars and sold for three million I used to be a slicker back in the day

We're gonna go though up there. I got his business card. Oh, cool. Yeah, so we're gonna get a PMT chopper made at we should do like a chopper style Like scooter. Yes, like scoot life. That would be sick. Do we have to pay for it? No, it's all free It's like exhibit pit my ride. Oh, they just give away free bikes. Yeah, got it Okay, you guys are one of those the choppers than one of those mini mini little riders right next to it Yeah, side car. Yeah, and then we'll put you in it Mm-hmm, and we'll not get in any accidents We swear and then big cat will have a shirt that says on the back if you can read this the bitch fell off

Those are always fun, but you'll be behind me. No, no, you're gonna be sure this is bitch No, you're gonna I'm gonna be driving you're gonna be behind me And then it's presumed that there's a third person who's a woman on the bike at all times and that's Hank you fell off Such a shame. All right, let's get to our interview with Mark Titus before we do that couple words from our sponsors PFT's favorite restaurant in the entire world. Oh, yeah, that's Buffalo Wildlings How are you spending March this year? Well, guess what? It's actually April We still got some tournament left and we also have NBA playoffs and all that going on You need to go to a Buffalo Wildlings because they have all of the games on all the time

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Cesters did get rabbit get heated bear hug a stranger and scream it so we bust all of our brackets Buffalo Wildlings do it and also get The mini corn dogs. I love the mini corn dogs Buffalo Wildlings get a bag of soda, too But seriously NBA playoffs like you thought Buffalo Wildlings season was over. Uh-huh We're about to get into thick of it with a bunch of games going on So make sure you get to yourself to a Buffalo Wildlings We're also brought to you by our friends at Captera remember 1989 the year the World Wide Web was invented We've come a long way in 30 years So why does it feel like the software you use every day at work is stuck in the past?

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He is the one of the hosts of one shining podcast. She should go download it right now. It's great podcast It is mark Titus He was on our show a month or two ago had a very contentious ending and then he just completely canceled on us last time So where do you want to start with your apologies? I want to start here I am I the only guest that you guys had the only recurring guests Which I don't know if I'm technically a recurring guest because I still haven't got my t-shirt So I don't know officially. Yeah a recurring guest yet But I feel like I'm the only recurring guest who is hated when he comes on the show and when he doesn't come on the show

I can't win with you with your yes with the award-winning listener. What's because I come on the show It's it's I just get bombarded with tweets about how racist I was And just how problematic everything I said was and then I decide maybe I won't come on the show And now I'm getting just tweets from everybody saying you have to go on the show So I don't know what to do they love how much they hate you so when you come on Yeah, that's a good release for them to just be like hey this guy sucks. Why'd you have him on? It's fun Oh, here's an apology. You can start with last time you came on We were joking about Brad Calpari and I think pft

And I actually said more mean things about him But you got the Calpari family up your asshole on Twitter, which they are They're a hard bunch. I love them. I fucking love them. They're a ride or die But they were going at you where are you now with the Brad swag and the fact that the entire Calpari clan clan hates you I Have no comment. I can't you want to talk about can't win That was I've I've truly never been jealous of you guys. I love how successful you've been Even when like we started our own podcast and we tried to be funny and people would would shit on us and say you're just jacking Pardon my take. I was like listen those guys are in another stratosphere. I

Love everything you guys have done. I've never had a jealous bone in my body about the whole situation Until this Brad Calpari thing happened and for some reason I was the guy that got all the heat When you guys were just setting me up and I would just say yeah, he kind of he kind of does dress funny, doesn't he? Yeah, which are very family comes after me. What's your least favorite outfit that Brad's worn this postseason? I feel like he he's going back to the turtle. It isn't this Infringement on you big cat. He's going to the turtleneck and blazer. Yeah Well, actually technically infringement on Danny canal because I stole it from him but let's start with Calpari in a real question where like

What happens now because obviously they're an unbelievable program and he wins all the time But this is now two years in a row where they come up short in an elite eight game in games They should have won. They were favored like what what what happens besides going to the NBA draft and and tweeting about how all of his Guys got drafted. Well, you you just said it. That is the job for him Cal and coach K are not playing the same game as everyone else. They're not trying to This is spicy for you. They're not trying to win basketball games They're trying to to keep they're trying to win their brand They're trying to build their brands and keep the machine just churning and and and they don't want anyone to notice

Like Kate does not want anyone to notice that he's been to two final fours in 15 years He doesn't want anybody to notice that they won the title of both those years. I'll give them that but He doesn't want anyone to notice that and and Cal's the same way He like he loves it that that the casual college basketball fan thinks that he's won three titles at Kentucky He loves that. That's exactly what he's trying to accomplish. He's like, I don't need to actually win What I need to do is keep the brand going. I need to be at the NBA draft We have to make sure we get a first round draft pick. That's gonna happen. Kentucky's gonna find a way Kelton Johnson's gonna go in the first round I'm sure

Keep that streak alive. I think that's all he actually cares about and in some way you could argue that maybe that's okay Because he's like helping his players achieve their goals Something I don't know but it's very bizarre because I really truly don't think that like like if Cal never won a national title Never went to a final four again. He would still spin it as like this was a very successful season I we did a great job. I we all of our team accomplished all of our goals But they didn't win anything this year, you know So it's it's it's it's very bizarre how this how we've arrived at this point We're like Duke in Kentucky are playing their own game

I do think that Duke has been outcoached in almost every game that they've played in the tournament I thought that Buzz Williams outcoached the hell out of him on a Friday night I think that buzz. I know he's like a friend of the program and everything I think he's a top five coach in the country I I don't necessarily disagree only because I would I would say more like top six or seven probably Honestly, if I had to think about it, maybe top eight But yeah top five you could talk me to top five maybe six and a half ish I don't know. So I'd have to crunch it up, but you're absolutely right like so

First of all, can we just acknowledge that Kay has entered the the paterno phase of his career where he's just trying not to shit his pants That's the games going on like like he's not actually coaching. That's the thing. He's like Kay has no this was this season was such a disaster from Duke and the standpoint of I'm not I'm not overreacting to one game What I'm reacting to is like How do you have a team full of freshmen get worse as the season goes on? I don't understand that and Duke was a markedly worse team In March than they were I like to start the season when they wiped the floor with Kentucky They got worse it got to a point where Zion was literally doing everything on the court and Kay was cool with that and and

I don't know. It's really weird cuz I didn't have to do everything on the court It's not like Zion was surrounded by a bunch of scrubs and and he just is doing everything because he has to For some reason like they their offense is horrible. They run no sets whatsoever It's basically just like Zion goes one-on-one and scores or someone else goes one-on-one and misses and Zion gets the rebound in the end One that's their offense and then their defense. They just switch everything because I mean They they are long and athletic enough to do it But like there's no communication on the like the only reason they're good on defense too It's cuz Zion's is back there to clean up everyone's mess once they get beat one-on-one

I don't know I was very frustrated with Duke this year because they actually got worse and that's not for the greatest coach of all time That's not a feather in his cab. So we kind of invented this take about Zion that he's kind of fat. So we've been talking about this for months and months No, no, that was your take but feel free to credit us if you want to But I definitely have noticed that he he is like very he's weirdly Explosive for how thick he is and I heard somebody say that yeah Like if you're that thick at the age of 19 or 20 or however old he is

Imagine what you're gonna look like when you're 27 28 Do you actually think that that Zion's gonna just continue to get more chocolate? Isn't that the what wasn't the tweet picture of burger McFarlane and it said Zion Williamson in 20 years Yeah, wasn't that the yeah, they do look a lot alike. Yes Big Cat what'd you say about it when you came on our show you said he's like pre-fat No, he's I said, uh, well, yeah, I mean watch college basketball all year long You know guys talk to college basketball. I said that Zion Williamson the best way to describe him is as a Bigger guy myself. He's one bad weekend away from being fat

Like if I go one weekend where I just eat like shit drink like shit don't sleep very well I'll come in Monday morning and everyone like whoa, dude. What happened to you and it can happen that fast It's literally like if you go Taco Bell pizza lunch dinner. You are now fat instead of thick So that's where Zion is at a like perpetual level of if he goes to Vegas before he gets drafted There will be a shirt off picture and everyone be like, oh my god What's like the Vince young sweaty in the club shirt picture shirt off picture and like oh god? You can't draft him. He's fat, but he's not he's thick. So I I've settled on him being thick The debate was ended at some point this season where I was like he's definitely not fat

But I still can't really understand why Why he wouldn't want to lose weight though, right? That I don't know and all seriousness like what advantage is there to not losing Yeah, like guys with big asses. They're good in the paint. Yes, low center of gravity But I think that's I think that's I don't know. I guess I've never been that big, but I don't know I feel like that's a misfit. It's like they're security blanket Like they don't actually need it They just think they do because they've had it their whole life and they don't know how to play basketball without throwing their

ass into people But talking directly at me, but yeah Keep going Zion like Zion's arms are too big. He's shooting mechanics This is also tights. Have you noticed? Yeah He expands a lot of energy in his pregame dunks where you like throws the ball backboard and jumps out of the gym Yes. Well, all right. So he does. Yeah, so now that we've nitpicked Zion I want to ask you this question because I can't remember watching a player

Command college basketball as much as Zion has in the last decade Like where is he all time? Because it does feel I want I always root against Duke. I hate Duke But him being bounced from the tournament now there like he was the show he was this year, right? It was just it was Zion's year even when he was out It felt like everything got a lull and and this tournament the ACC tournament this tournament was Zion's show Where is he like all time in terms of memorable college basketball players? Um, I mean for that reason I would say he's he's my number one

I that doesn't mean he's the best player of all time But I don't remember a player hijacking an entire season like this the closest Recent memory would be Anthony Davis in 2012 But even then we had like Thomas Robinson was at Kansas and Draymond was at Michigan State and like they're Jared Solinger was at Ohio State. They're like a lot. There's some other like pretty good big guys None of them were anywhere close as good as Anthony Davis That's not what I'm saying But there was like this year if we're being honest, this was not a great year for college basketball

I thought a lot of the teams were worse this year than they were last year There wasn't a ton of excitement going on and I say this is a guy who loves college basketball more than anybody I know it was not that great of a year and that kind of Factored into why Zion became just larger than life and the only thing anybody wanted to talk about and on top of that He is a great player So I don't remember anything like this That's what it put me in a weird spot because I try to like you guys do you toe the line between being like a media personality

But then also just being an average fan or whatever So the media part of me that has to do a podcast and talk about college basketball the time I found myself talking about Zion a lot But then like the casual fan of me was like this is a little excessive how much we're talking about Zion But then you come back to it and you're like, there's really nothing else to talk about like this guy Dominates everything. He is by far the best player. There's no I'll put it that way Like I can't remember time in my life were the best play the gap between the best player in college basketball And the second best player was so big as it was this year

But yeah, then on top of that like you like teams like Kansas weren't that wasn't that Kansas wasn't great this year Kentucky They had a decent year, but they weren't the Kentucky we know and love Carolina even a blue blood like them like they weren't it took them a while to figure it out Villanova was not that great so some of these teams that are usual suspects in college basketball weren't great and then Zion was so good that that that's basically How how we arrived at that point? So I don't know I've never I've never seen anything like it was incredible like even now like the story is As you said like the story going in the final four isn't like these four teams made it. It's going to be oh damn Zion didn't make it What do we do now right now as a basketball superfan?

It is there a part of you that sat down you watch that Michigan was at Michigan Texas Tech Tech in the sweet 16 that you actually appreciate it and you're like this is pure basketball defense the law It's great defense Yeah, it's the the Frank Beamer picture when it's zero zero That was that was a brutal game. No, I actually did not enjoy that I think I'm the last guy under the age of 40 who still likes Defensive college basketball games like I could I could theoretically actually like a game that finishes in the 30s Which is which is wild to say out loud, but no that game was brutal that game was absolutely awful

I'm actually rooting for a Texas Tech UVA finals just because that that would be an exhilarating over to bet because it would It would you would scratch to the nail to get to a hundred ten points. Can we Hold on. Can we talk about Virginia for a second? Yeah, my virginia my virginia apologies. Yeah, and I brought the fuck Can I get away? Yeah, hold on hold on hold on before you say this you've always rooted for Virginia They've failed every single year. I Personally guaranteed success in this tournament for Virginia. So everyone should be thanking me Virginia Whatever it takes whatever it takes to get Virginia over the hub. I'm just happy it happened

You did do this with Villanova as well. Yeah with the Villanova one I jumped off the bandwagon, so I'm not gonna get mad about that one I was on the Villanova bandwagon and then I jumped off in 2016 and you jumped on and then they won and it was a little frustrating But I only had myself to blame This one I decided I'm going down with the Virginia ship no matter what happens no matter losing a halftime to Garner web I said, I'm riding this out. We're doing it. Let's go Virginia and they did it They're in the final four. I can't but game of the that was you want to talk about like an in-state tournament that Purdue game Oh my god, that was one of the greatest games. I've ever seen in my life unreal and now, you know

It actually I will give you credit You have always said that you're going down with the Virginia ship You you know the podcast after they lost to UMBC last year was maybe the saddest have ever heard you you're like I just don't know where to go Everything I thought was a lie like you know what Ken Palm to me Ken Palm like blah blah blah Yeah, I turn it off. I was like this is like tight. This is a bad look for you, dude You can check the receipts on this so as the as Virginia is losing to UMBC The people at the ringer like the editors at the ringer texting me. They're like, hey, we need an article from you tonight

This is the biggest upset an NCAA tournament history. This is a huge deal I'm sure you're losing your mind at how cool this is and I texted him back I'm not writing about this bullshit and they basically They made me ended up writing it like they made like Simmons sits me down and yells at me Not really, but it kind of felt that way and was like come on you have to write about this So if you go back and look and I don't know why anyone would actually want to do this But I promise you it's true if you go back and look like the article I wrote about that game came out like three days later It's exclusively because I was so sad. I was like, I don't want to write about this

So all right, so we're just there Let's talk about the other side of that game because you have a long sordid history with Purdue. You obviously grew up Who's your fan and you went to Ohio State and you kind of I don't want to say you what your mom played at Purdue But you you rip her mom a little bit. Yeah, you you go after Purdue a little bit Where does Purdue go from here because that was all time gut wrench like punch in the stomach How do you lose that game for Purdue? Well Virginia outplayed them so I guess like it was basically just Carson Edwards if we're being honest So I like I hear what you're saying, but at the same time

I feel like Virginia that would have been an even bigger gut punch game because it's like they've been trying to get over This hump for so long. They make it to the lead eight. They're they're going up against a Purdue team that is hot, but not They won the big 10, but like even Purdue fans all year kind of are scratching their head like how do we keep winning these games? We're not really playing particularly well Carson Edwards would shoot them out of games all the time He'd be horrible every every third night. It felt like so if you're a Virginia fan, you're going into that game saying Oh my god It's finally gonna happen and then Carson Edwards pulls 42 points out of his ass and is making absolutely everything I feel like it would have been more heartbreaking for them, but I don't know Purdue honestly

I think most Purdue fans are kind of just happy to be there and and maybe that's that's I Don't know maybe that's the IU fan of me talking just trying to talk some smack But I don't know it they they kind of know that this team didn't belong like in the lead eight Certainly if you would have said it that Purdue will go to the lead eight to start the season I think most of them would have been tickled to death about it But the bad news is like Carson is probably not coming back now, right? Right. How do you come back to college basketball after that run? I don't know. It's tough

On Twitter because Carson Edwards to me someone summed it up perfectly He's really good, but he thinks he's way better than he actually is and yeah see it Like he was taking shots where it's like dude You're double-covered you're taking fade away threes get someone else involved and then you see it in the overtime where it's like They don't have anything besides him just dribbling and jacking right. I'm not saying this was the case in this game But it was certainly the case in a lot of Purdue games this year where Carson Edwards is one of those guys where if you're Guarding him you're almost happy that he makes his first couple shots because you know that means he's gonna take like 12 Just horrendous shots later in the game because he's gonna think that he he can't miss you know

You love Carson ever's being a heat check now in the tournament though to his credit He should have shot 50 times a game because that that was that was the most unbelievable thing. I've ever seen and I truly mean ever I'm not even being prisoner of the moment that like I've never ever Steph Curry wasn't as good buddy. He'll wasn't as good Um, I have never ever in my life seen anything like that where he's just like Because the thing was like he wasn't even he wasn't even beaten guys off the dribble He wasn't really making plays. He was literally just like I'm gonna shoot it from as far as I possibly can as long as I can get A shot off. I know what's going in and then it went in it felt like every single time. It was incredible

Yeah, he was lights out now down the Midwest the the bottom right region Bruce Pearl probably the sweaty Well, he's the sweatiest remaining coach by far, but one of the top 10 sweaters. I think of all time as far as coaches go Auburn is a very very fun team to watch But they also lost a very very good player somehow they beat Kentucky. Do you see any way that they beat UVA? Here's the Auburn debate for you guys. I asked Tate this we just recorded our podcast that's going up tomorrow What what time are you guys putting your podcast out? We're gonna put ours out ten minutes before you. Yeah, so, okay All right, so I asked Tate this and I'll let he was non-committal typical Tate couldn't give me an answer so I'll ask you guys this um

Is is Okiki the guy that tours ACL for Auburn? Is he more Kevin? Where are sister Jean now? Sister Jean scooter. Yeah Right, right, but here's the thing. Is he married to Jesus? Here's the thing with with Okiki. I think that that you can overcome something like that though the game after because it's almost like No one realizes what you're missing. You're like, oh, we're just gonna play for him next Saturday It's gonna be like wait fuck like one of our best players in here. It would really help if you're right Yeah, I don't disagree. I would say though that Auburn is a nightmare matchup for Virginia in the sense that they play fast and shoot a ton of threes and

This I don't know if I'm a Virginia fan and I just witnessed what happened with Carson Edwards And you just survive that by the by the hair of your chin and then you're like, thank God We finally made it to the final four I can't wait to see who we play and now you're gonna play the team that I think they set the record I think Auburn this year set a record for most three-point attempts from a power conference team in college basketball history I would not be thrilled about that if I was a Virginia fan. You're gonna play two quick guards that can Basically get any shot they want and we'll just shoot they're gonna shoot 30 something threes because that's always been Virginia's kryptonite Is teams that just bomb threes on them? So I don't know Auburn might be alright

I really genuinely believe that all four teams and this is gonna sound dumb Because it's coming out of my mouth more than anything But I generally believe all four teams are good enough to win it They're there to win it and that that is not always true of a final four You always get like one team that's just like I don't know how the hell we made it here But man what a season I can't believe we're here. We're ready to lose by 15 and go home now But I think I truly think like any of these teams can win the national championship Okay, so but you can look at a spin zone for Auburn and say, okay, they lost to Kiki. Does that make them team of destiny?

Exactly exactly. Yeah, I like it. I like it a lot I'm cheering for Auburn. Yeah, I want Auburn to be the I want Auburn to be the first team to win a national I thought it was gonna be LSU there for a second But Auburn could still be in play the first team to ever win a national championship and have it vacated in the same day That would be awesome. Yes. They got some shit going on So so sell us overall because this is gonna be like we said before the story is gonna be Zion's not here This final four is crap. I don't think it's crap, but sell us on like to the casual fan. Why this far or still gonna be great All right, so let's just go through each of the teams so for Virginia

We'll see Virginia for last because they're the best story. So Auburn. We already kind of talked about it Kiki gets hurt you tear your ACL you got Bruce Pearl. I'm not a Bruce Pearl fan I think he's he's kind of a crook and should not be coaching college basketball anymore Given his history, but if you disagree that's your prerogative And you could spin it as though like this is some sort of redemption story for Bruce Pearl that he got fired from Tennessee Yeah for his barbecue and now he's back in the he's in the final four for the first time So if you're into that that's cool if you're a casual fan, you don't know all the details of Bruce Pearl's career That's an awesome story. Get behind that. He's funny on the sidelines. You got Charles Barkley all that stuff with Auburn's fun

Texas Tech might honestly be the best team in the country right now They just beat Gonzaga who I thought was kind of the best team in the country and they beat him Pretty like like it didn't feel like a fluke like it felt like Gonzaga played really well in that game and Texas Tech was just better They have the best defense in the country Texas Tech does but they're not one of those college basketball teams where They have a great defense and that just means they suck on offense and you're gonna get boring games I know the Michigan game was boring, but that was just because Michigan plays great defense, too Texas Tech can they can score they have Jarrett Culver who might be the best player. They're the best NBA prospect left in the final four So they're they're a fun team and the Chris Beers like the hottest coach

Is he gonna stay in Lubbock? Is he gonna go to UCLA? Is he waiting for the Texas job to open? Nobody knows that's interesting Michigan State let's let's go Michigan State big 10 hasn't won a title since 2000 big cat. We know this It's the big 10 way to finish second place. So that's fascinating. Can Michigan State bring one home for the big 10? You got like nobody on Michigan State There's not a single guy Cassius Winston included that I'm confident in seven years will be on an NBA roster So that's kind of interesting that they're like a a typical college basket Like a stereotypical college basketball team where they just they're a bunch of b-plus players that have figured out a way to play well together and

Then the the Tom Izzo thing is fun Like he lost his fastball for a while and everyone said he was done and they were ready to call John B line Mr. March and is those back. So that's fascinating and then Virginia like that's that's an incredible story I think Virginia is the story of the tournament in this like the best outcome that could happen from this is In terms of storyline is Virginia winning the idea that a team loses to a 16 seed and then the very next year When's the national championship would be pretty fascinating? So that's that's the best I can do if that if that doesn't get you it then Maybe I don't know maybe watch something else on Saturday Monday

I'm glad that you brought up Charles Barkley because he if Auburn wins the national championship He is not going to be sober for a full calendar year It's gonna be it's gonna be appointment television watching him try to do the NBA post-game playoff games And he's just gonna clearly still be drunk It's gonna be great. It's it's it we honestly can't lose I like I think Texas Tech is probably for the the average fan The least interesting team left in this final four just because Auburn does have the Charles Barkley thing going on but I Don't know man. Texas Tech is a really really good team

if you actually watch them play and and And go into it like wanting to be excited about how they play you you would actually really really like them And I'm saying you to all the listeners. So I I'm very excited for this final four even though I understand why people might not be because Duke and Kentucky aren't in it and Carolina and Good Zach aren't in it. Well good. I can never get some fun It turns out you said you said over is the best you think he's the best player remaining in the tournament Who would be second best then?

Probably Deandre Hunter and sir well in terms of like college players the best player left is Cassius Winston point guard of Michigan State In terms of draft prospects Culver is number one probably and then Deandre Hunter's number two of Virginia, but he didn't play well against Purdue I don't know what's going on with him. Well, I feel like Virginia has this weird thing going where someone has to just suck Like Kyle guy was terrible. Yeah, and then he just gave then he woke up. It was there's something wrong with him. Did I read that? With Hunter with Kyle guy, Kyle guy. Oh his ankle and then yeah, because he was yeah He was really bad. Well, and then he was playing Purdue. You know, he grew up in Indiana and he was always been banned He's been banned someone banned him from Indiana when we did our big mad segment

So he's actually not allowed back in Oh, is that yeah, he his grandparents were IU season ticket holders But then he you're not gonna like this you guys are definitely not gonna like this He he said he didn't get along well with Tom Kreen when he was being recruited It's like hating a puppy that's stupid that is stupid. All right, so my last question It's the C-keek question put in promo code take you get $10 off Your C-keek purchase So we're talking to Mark Titus one shining podcast go listen to it right now after you listen to this show

You just mentioned that Kyle guys not allowed or I mentioned Kyle guys not allowed back in Indiana Are you allowed back in Indiana because you've become mr. Hollywood now? Hang on a second? Hang on a second. We're what do we mean by this? You did you move to LA or no? So, let me just say this. Um, I I Next question um, I have I have become very Hollywood and I've been out here a month and I have My skin is tanner than it's ever been. I go jogging like every day. I'm eating salad now and I gotta say I Actually like myself for the first time. It's wild like I I think like I think I

My whole life I loved who I was on the outside and just hated myself on the inside and now I think there's something to this LA lifestyle I love myself on the inside, but I will be honest every time I look at myself in the mirror I I hate myself. I definitely do that, but like man, I feel good. I feel good Kyle. You're soft You are soft. You know that right like you're gonna have really soft soft opinions in about six months Like look what happened to Rassillo the guy can't barely even talk anymore. I'm already soft I'm glad you brought up Rassillo by the way because I thought when you said I'd gone Hollywood You're gonna bring up the the My acting debut in this video that is um, I just want to say this

I want to say this on your show so I can get out ahead of this. There may or may not be a video In which that Ryan Rassillo wrote for the ringer for the ringer calm That is going to be coming out relatively soon in which my part. I have a Boston accent Yeah, it is I'm getting out ahead of it now. I'm trying to control the narrative I just want to say I was forced into this I was not explaining to me what the what the part was they were they they called me they're like We just need you for a couple lines. I thought I was gonna play myself I thought I was gonna walk into a room and just say things I show up and they're like can you do a Boston accent?

I said absolutely not I've been to Boston once in my life and I was there for like a day and they're like it's okay just try it and Let's just say I thought I was being punked as this was being filmed I thought I honestly thought like Rassillo had set this whole thing up to see how many times he could get me to say Like certain phrases in a Boston accent it is it is going to be horrendous And I'm just I just wanted to go on record that I'm aware of this I'm going to be off Twitter whenever this video is released, but um, please treat me kindly. That's all they ask Give me an example of one of the lines that they had you say

All right One of the lines was I fucking knew it and I had to say it in a Boston accent I had to get like real mad so I go I fucking knew it and that's like the best I Okay, you did okay Not you not you head bloody. That's a good good job though getting in front of it. You're good. You're good Everyone now knows That you were punked in a labyrinth scheme and we can laugh at you forever

I'm just trying to control the story. That's all it really is. Yes Yeah, all right, so what else you got going on Minneapolis you want to plug anything Yeah, yeah, I want to play two things. First of all, I started a foundation called the club trillion Foundation This is serious business. Do you get yeah? When you do um, I start I started a foundation where maybe I was inspired by Brad Calipari hating me And I thought we need to start something for walk-ons where we can all come together and unite So I started this foundation because I want to give a scholarship away to a walk-on basketball player is my goal with this So you go to club trillion foundation org

It have all the details why we're doing it who we're going to give it to what the selection process is But basically at next year's final four in 2020 we are going to present a scholarship to a walk-on basketball player, which Is going to be awesome because somebody like these walk-ons they can't get jobs They don't have enough time to have jobs because they're playing on the basketball team But then they also don't get a scholarship and they also don't get paid for their own likeness. It's a whole mess And I feel like it's my responsibility to do something and help out Finally standing up for an athletic white guy that is good at you Exactly now I can I can see this would be abused by a major maybe in Ohio State University

Interesting that needs that one roster spot to a non scholarship player knowing that old mark He's gonna scratch my back after a year. Yep Fine finally, I thought I'd say finally someone's looking out for white guys in America. Is that yeah? We're getting to that. Yeah, you're finally doing it No, no, no, it's uh, it's it's open to we actually have a selection process and all honesty that we're having the committee is all former walk-ons of Other programs. I'm not even on it and then they're gonna vote for the winner So there's there's no funny business. This is legit. I'm registered with the IRS. We ran up by the NCA It's this whole thing. So I wanted to plug that more importantly

If you guys are Minnesota, we're throwing it. We got to come to our party. We're having a we're having a party at sneaky Pete's is this bar called on Sunday night? and And we were told that like it's basically like a strip club. That's not a strip club was how it was explained Sounds awesome. I don't know what the fuck we got ourselves into. Yeah, so it's got It's got tough steak and you have to pay $40 to get in and there's no nudity. Yeah Right exactly that that kind of is the vibe that I'm getting from this place. So anyway Wait, you have a scholarship in a strip club party. You're just Rick Petino now, right?

Exactly, exactly you live in your best life Titus, thank you. We'll see in Minneapolis. We'll see you at sneaky Pete's everyone. Go check out his podcast and the white guy scholarship because the white guys are just for the record. Yeah, it's it's open to all races I want to go on the record my lawyer sitting right here telling me I have to say that so okay Yeah, well guys, thank you for having me on please tell your listeners to not cancel me All right, see you guys in Minnesota, okay, love you That interview with Mark Titus was brought to you by quip one of the most important things we do for our health every day Maybe less than every day if you're Hank is brushing our teeth yet. Most of us don't do it properly

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We have a bad visual for Jason Whitten He had his introductory press conference to be to go back to the Dallas Cowboys and he's completely bald Yes, he's got a vasectomy. It's all it's like shaved and what's so weird is that he just like randomly showed up in the Monday Night Football booth With a full bush on top full bush and then all of a sudden it's gone But even though it's gone it now looks like he's got the male pattern baldness again, right? He's shaved, but he's got the male pattern baldness and he actually looks better this way But it's a wild move to basically admit that you were just like had the fakest of fake hairs To try to be good at TV. Wait, so do you think it was a wig? I don't know

I think it could a bit. Yeah, I wish I could get it to pay so bad I've been so awesome if it had fallen off in the middle of a game this year We're just trying to say some stupid shit Just a crazy move though to be like hey just kidding guys remember that it actually now that I'm thinking about it talking out loud Is that he that's actually a good move because it's like a totally different person fucked up and was terrible at Monday I football. Oh, it's a great move And he looks like a football player now Yes, like there's no way that he would have like he would have gotten roasted with that hair in the locker room

He I don't understand how he's gonna play football again He's gonna do it the exact same way he did for all the shit in the last time he played and now he's gonna be back His joints don't bend. No, he's got straight stiff joints. Yeah, I wish you would go ball tank I don't that's mean a To pay would be awesome I would love if I was male pattern ball this I'd get it to pay so fast and just and just make other people I'd get a really bad to pay and make other people point it out I hope Hank gets very bad acne, but I don't hope that he goes bald

Just saying I mean you killed an animal so it's not that bad in the grandstand bad's coming to you, bro. Yeah karma Hmm Okay, next up we have LeBron blames. He's out for the year who saw that coming. Oh wait everyone. Yeah, everyone in America I'm bronze tough week for the bronze. This was the most obvious thing of all time I think anyone with like even half a brain who watched basketball Knew that the minute LeBron like we get to the last two weeks boom the load management the load got too heavy Mm-hmm his groin he should have been out for six months. He was only out for six weeks. Yeah Can you just imagine if no one goes to LA this offseason? I don't I think it's a very real possibility

Now what if the team just like how many games did they have left like four? Yeah, we can have I hope they win all four of their remaining games by like 30 points each without LeBron and everyone goes off And every yeah, everybody goes off I I could see a scenario where they don't sign a single big name free agent this offseason I really can LeBron is also not gonna make first team all NBA because I don't think anyone's ever made it Playing as few games as he as he did this year. Well, I mean he played six months more than he should have true true So technically it's all bonus. So I should make it for that old that and that alone But spin zone for Luke Walton LeBron can't get you fired if he's not playing. I don't think that's true at all

He's just gonna have more. Yeah, I think it actually is goes the other way Do you think well? He's gonna have more time to like hang out and get drunk on wine and just you know, he's on the tequila LeBron is gonna be like one of those minor Shakespearean characters It's always with a goblet of wine plotting like evil Lee in his lair Just get someone do me a favor like this is Cersei ever everyone out there. Please Remind us how much fun it's been to talk about LeBron this year because I will have a moment in the first round of the playoffs I'd be like, I kind of wish LeBron was here

Oh, you're definitely gonna remind us how much fun we had because then I'll be like, you know what? It was worth it. Also statistically LeBron James has had a pretty good year. Yeah, because he's just money Just remind me. He's had a pretty good year It will also be great if the clippers go on that kind of a miracle run and make like the Western Conference finals or something Just so just so it can be that the Clippers town now. Oh LeBron would definitely show up. Yeah, you definitely show up I hope you know what? I hope he goes on a real in like a stretcher Yeah, I hope he goes on a real wheelchair real basic bitch summer vacation cuz this is first summer that he's had off since what?

2005 yeah, long as for rookie or rookie or sophomore year, but he Carmelo is available to go on a vacation with him. Yeah, I thought you were talking about for next year No, it is retired. So I think we get the banana boat the whole squad's back together I get it all back together. They'll be on a boat and they'll he will definitely do something to try to take away from the NBA playoffs Oh, yeah, he will announce something big or do you know an insane? Instagram stories from a yacht and like the Mediterranean something will happen where where LeBron would be like I want to steal this shine I have okay. Let's make some predictions. How do you think LeBron James steals the Lakers shine or the playoffs shine? During the playoffs, I think anything the Rockets do he'll like take credit for by being friends with Chris Paul

I'd be like Chris Paul my brother like bubble blow so happy for you. We came up together. I made you bubble Yeah, I think he's gonna definitely take a vacation to Disney World at some point He's probably gonna live at Disney World with his family for like a week and do nothing But Instagram stories of him and like his daughter. He'll definitely do a Instagram post about Steph Curry and like two kids from Akron kind of thing Mm-hmm like man, just look at these kids from Akron just dominating the NBA Mm-hmm for sure. He'll definitely do something with Kyrie. Oh, he'll be at a Celtics game. Yeah, I can't wait I can't wait for that. He's a little bro. This is the familiar dude. You wouldn't understand. It's all about familiar

If you showed up to a Celtics game, that'd be amazing Does he have his own line of wine sure cuz that's probably coming this summer to that's definitely coming That's definitely the grapes of wrath. Yeah, it'll just be like limited edition each varietal will have the face of a different coach He's had fired. Yeah, the Mike Brown. It's got a it's got a really like waxy taste to it And then what else who else to get tyloo? Let's not forget over David Blatt. Yeah, David Blatt. Yeah It's actually just made of shepherds. It's actually just it's just David Blatt's head. That's hollowed out Yeah, and you just drink wine out of his skull. Yeah, I was sunken skull. All right ass-eaten season Go ahead Hank, this is your segment you asked for it on no actually pft asked for it on okay

Yeah, ass-eaten season, but Hank brought it up. You brought it up with the tweet. So go ahead Oh, well, no, I mean I didn't bring it up like I I saw a highlight on Twitter today You know I was just scrolling and it was like Christian Yelts is for home runs in his first four games Which is very impressive. You know, yeah Curring guests like friend of the program trying to like hype them up and it reminded me that when we interviewed him in the summer that big cat On his own fruition like didn't no one brought it up. No one challenged him to it Volition. Yeah, whatever They were talking about the home run derby and if Christian Yelts ever got in it and won that he would eat pft commenters

Ass yeah, and so when I saw that Give a little back up it wasn't totally random Christian Yelts famously The most famous part of his career was when he got caught eating ass on that you porn video Which actually wasn't him, but it's a guy who looked exactly like definitely look like it definitely look like him and also someone Sports journalist said he'd eat a crow if Christian Yelts did something then Christian Yelts did it and the guy ate a crow Yeah, add all that word add all that together and yes, I did say that yeah Now you have to eat my ass if you wins the home run derby is that it honestly?

This doesn't yeah, it's not great, but it doesn't sound great. It doesn't sound like a Super bad deal for me. I just get my ass eating. Yeah. Yeah, so we'll have to figure out what's gonna happen there because I mean I'll I would I'll go to Milwaukee and cut Christian Yelts is like Achilles. I will I will Nancy Kerrigan Yeah, I think that's kind of the move that you have to do I have to I'm gonna have to text him back dude. Whatever you want. I'll be your fucking valet driver for life No, dude, it's don't do the home run derby contacts It's way easier. You just you get the flu over the summer and then you hang out with them before the home run derby Yes, and you eat his ass yes, which gives him the flu stab him with a syringe. No, you got to eat his ass

Yeah, that's true. It's much more effective. Yeah, but the real story here is that Hank in his petty in his petty wars bullshit Was was upset because the cat, you know, he's still scared He's gonna get a cat so he tweeted this from the part of my tank how you can always tell when it's a Hank Tweet because it's got a personal agenda. Yep. They don't try to drive home and it always says gunna G you in and that's That's the key. That's how you can tell it's a hit easy sign. Yeah, that's an easy version. Yeah, it's like a Banksy Yeah, yeah gunna Listen, I mean, it's just true like it's gonna be is it not gonna be awkward Well, is that you guys really for me eating PFT's ass is not gonna be awkward. Yeah, I think I don't think I bought the line

That's we I don't think awkward is the right word for it at all bad. I honestly just big thing Yeah, I don't know why you you're you've been big mad all night. I don't know why Showing that that when we do these bets it gets our audience so intrigued and oh, yeah I know I was just trying to keep that going of me of all people. I know because we had to fucking drag you kicking and screaming Dude, I was yeah, I was I'm doing these things all my own. I had look the pinky was all my own I'm gonna keep doing that every year. I had horses on last year on my own Yeah, you we had to literally drag you hope you over the head and drag you to the microphone to be like I'll do a cap it but only if do cat loses by 15 in this round 25 in this round

and then if if camera if camera doesn't play it doesn't count and Propaganda cat is so many so many Excipulations all right, I'm not mad. I'll fucking eat these ass whatever. Yeah, I gotta eat an ass whatever It's really you could do worse for asses to eat. I I'll be honest like I think we might have to I was looking at my ass in the mirror I'm like, yeah, that's a snack. I was thinking about it when when I was driving in Yeah, I was thinking about when I was driving in I think we might you might have to buy a donkey and we'll kill it and just eat the whole fucking thing

Oh, so quick. No, Charles Barkley did that. Did he you remember that? He said that he would kiss Kenny Smith's ass. Oh, yeah If Yao Ming ever scored 20 points in an NBA game Yes, and then like the next game he had 20 points and so Kenny Smith brought in this donkey and Charles went up and he kissed the donkey's butt and Kenny Smith was like, you didn't have to kiss it on the ass All right, Hank hot in the streets go before we get to Monday reading Would it would you be more offended if I didn't like it when you ate my ass or if I enjoyed it? Which would be worse for you personally, I think I'd try you know make lemon lemonade out of lemons in that situation

So this rapper who went pretty viral on tiktok. He made a country song. It's called Old Town Road He calls it country trap It went viral on tiktok. There's this whole dance like it's a funny thing. You guys heard the song No, no quick shockingly. I haven't The controversy is that a country billboards took it off their top charts Why people are saying it's for racist reasons. They're saying it's not country enough Oh, thanks So what's going on now? He's going viral because there's a autotune

I mean Eric Church's life is basically just living inside of one giant autotune machine talk about his pickup truck So what are we gonna do with it? I think I got a boycott country music until this gets back on the charts Yeah, we need him at all stuff I'll stop listening to that one Garth Brooks song that I put on once every six months. Yeah, great day to be alive You're canceled. Mmm. That's it. I should know no, that's a good song I'm not giving that up great song Chattahoochee still still gonna play you So Hank, what are we gonna do here? We're gonna make a petition. We gotta help. Oh, okay No, I mean, it's already it's very very viral. You know what we gotta get we gotta get him back on the charts

You know what? We're an anti-country music podcast now. Yeah until they make this right. Yep. Make it right make it right All right, big country make it right. Imagine if it was just Bryant Reeves sitting in a big big fucking office Yeah, and he was like, yeah, what am I what did I do? Yeah, what the fuck? That would be awesome though that if it was like Kyle Rudolph or who else did we give the name big country to? Chris sale maybe at some point a lot of people get the big country nickname That would be awesome if they were the the CEO of like a major national record label. Yes. All right. Let's do Hank you think it Don't think too hard dangerous All right, that's our show. We will see everyone Wednesday. We got some Hall of Famers coming up

Big time Hall of Famer some some uh Some co-workers of ours What he's a co-worker. Oh, yeah, yeah, and we also are gonna be in Minneapolis for the final four So if you have anyone you want us to interview can I just say something? Yeah, I'm thinking about Rick Petino, Jr I'm thinking about doing something wildly reckless. What maybe you can talk me out of it. Okay? It's the Hong Kong 7th tournament this weekend in Hong Kong the nation the city. Okay, you're gonna go I'm thinking about it. How are you gonna get back? I was you know, the big thing on a plane. Yeah, I know like when That wasn't the main stumbling block for me right now is that it's fucking Hong Kong is the time zones are really fucking with my brain

So, so let's talk it out. Let's talk it. Okay. So right now. It's 9 17 p.m Eastern standard time right what time is it in Hong Kong? I'm gonna guess four six in the morning It is 9 17. Well, it would have to be a 17. Oh, yeah time. No 605. It's not closer It's 9 17 in the morning on Monday. So tomorrow. So there are balls deep in April fools. Yeah So this is my big April fools on Hong Kong. I'm not actually all the hours So how how do you get back? When is the tournament? Oh, yeah, it's exactly 12 That's actually very easy. Yeah, when is the tournament? It starts on Friday? I believe okay and goes till and goes till Sunday. Okay, Hong Kong time and then you can fly

then I fly back on Sunday night hours back. No when I fly back on Sunday night at 10 p.m. It's actually 10 a.m Here, okay, so then I would get back in like 13 hours So you would time but I'd also yeah, I time travel let you guys know what it's like in the future You'd land like an hour after you got there. This seems like no because I don't get there instantaneously I still have to travel. I'm looking up flights right now. I'm coming second place Just don't do hang first place. How could you do that? We're in first place in the world, Hank?

You know that all right Hong Kong to Minneapolis. I'm sure there's a direct flight. I played rugby today, by the way Oh, wow pretty sick Hong Kong's back and he tries a few Good gotta get a nasty raspberry Hong Kong to Minneapolis Wait, why would I fly to Minneapolis? Well, that's what we're gonna be if you want on Monday. Yeah, you're right Okay, it's I'm sure I like I said, I'm sure there's a direct. Do we have any awls in Hong Kong if so, let me know Donnie I Would probably go with Donnie. Yeah, Hong Kong to Minneapolis. Here we go boys Sunday 4 7 Hong Kong to Minneapolis. You can leave at 220 or no, you can leave it 11 you can leave it 11

40 in the morning in Hong Kong. No, but I need to see the US come in first place Oh, so you're still Sunday, so Sunday night Hong Kong. Yeah, so there's no way What if I leave 10 p.m. Sunday night 10 p.m. Sunday night sometime around there? Yeah, you'd get in at 5 30 in the morning on Monday on Monday morning. Yeah, I could do that Whoa, how do we do the show? Yeah, you're just throwing out all of your obligations It's all disgusting Honestly, I can record my parts of the show 48 hours ahead of time

Okay, I'll just fart out a couple of half-assed Friday and Saturday you come you can you can take a 11 40 a.m. Flight back and be in Minneapolis by 5 30 p.m What if we just went through all the scenarios of the final four and I just said whatever shitty jokes came to the top of my head At the time and then you had to interact with robot PFT. Okay. Oh, by the way, this is an 18 hour flight sick What would I do in an 18 hour? How many times I guarantee you at least 50% of that plane masturbates at some point Yes, on that flight. Absolutely. All right. We'll see everyone's To go and get murdered All right, please my friend

The hit was ordered by the US government I'm here without her I'm big but he's still on my lonely mind I think about her I'm big and I dream about him all the time I'm here without her I'm big But he's still with me in my dreams And tonight it's her I'm Everyone chose to ignore it the mainstream media didn't give a shit But we have taken up for your cause we know Hillary is who ordered the head

Oh I'm here without her I'm big But he's still on my lonely mind. I think about her I'm big and I dream about him all the time I'm here without her I'm big But he's still with me in my dreams And tonight it's her I'm It's a long day of my mind. It's still hard, but we know you're all right in heaven And when the shot rang out

When they tried to take you down, they didn't know that you're forever In our hearts Oh I'm here without her I'm big But he's still on my lonely mind. I think about her I'm big and I dream about him all the time I'm here without her I'm big But he's still with me in my dreams And tonight it's her I'm

It's part of my take presented by barstool sports