Pardon My Take - Masters Recap, Scott Van Pelt, And Monday Reading
Episode Date: April 12, 2021We recap the Masters, Hideki Matsuyama's dominant win. We're Will Zalatoris fans now. Bryson sucked, Nick Faldo is the best, and more (3:02 - 25:35). Who's back of the week including ARod buying the T...imberwolves and more (25:35 - 42:34). Scott Van Pelt joins us from Augusta to talk about the Masters, what it takes to win there, and what to buy from a Vending machine late at night (42:24 - . We finish with a Monday Reading about Foot Fetishes. Also RIP Prince Phillip.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake
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Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify,
or YouTube.
Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music.
On today's part of my take, The Masters, Hideki Matsuyama, first champion from an Asian
country, Japan has their green jacket, awesome story, and we have a full recap of The Masters,
we have Scott Van Pelt from Augusta, as is a tradition unlike any other Scott Van Pelt
calling us while he walks through the woods in Augusta, Georgia.
We have Who's Back of the Week, and we have a Monday reading, a great Monday show for
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Today is Monday, April 12th and I wanted to just point out I'm not going to point fingers
or anything but I'm the only one wearing red for Tiger.
I have red on me.
I don't know, I thought we were, it is Master's Sunday and I wore a big cat, well it was a
sneaky move.
It's not that sneaky, I thought we all agreed we would wear red every single Sunday until
Tiger is in another Master's.
I think Tiger would have won this Master's, I'll be honest with you.
I agree.
So actually when you said in the intro, the first Asian person to win a Master's Tournament
from Asia, from Asia, yes, it was actually a, it was a cool moment at the end when his
caddy bowed to the course, ultimate respect for Augusta.
Oh there we go, Hank now has his red on, so welcome to the show, Hideki Matsuyama is your
Master's Champion 2021.
I'm wearing black for Prince Philip.
There we go.
Gone too soon.
Respect.
Gone way too soon.
But yeah, it was kind of a snoozer of a Master's.
Very cool story in that Hideki Matsuyama is the first Asian-born player to win a Master's
Tournament, first time, obviously Japan, 85 years.
The fact that like a guy has entire country, like hopes and dreams, resting on his shoulders,
I don't know how he fucking does it.
Yeah.
Like I think about like the pressure of these moments and then you add in that and it's
like incredible and he won it somewhat easily.
Yeah, so there was a moment on the first tee where it was like is the moment too big?
Is he going to choke this way?
Then he bailed himself out on that hole.
I think he salvaged a bogey, right?
Yep.
And then there was a golf in the woods on that first tee shot.
That first tee shot was very relatable because it was like you could tell.
He's sitting there.
He has an unreal second, you know, back nine, we're golf guys, I was going to say second
nine, but I meant back nine on Saturday, moving day, moving day, moving day, which a lot of
people were confused what moving day was.
No, moving day is a real thing.
Yes.
A lot of people thought it might be movie day, which it also kind of is, but it's moving
day.
He sits overnight with a four stroke lead and then comes out and just totally biffs
his drive.
And it was a very relatable moment of like you probably were thinking about this way
too much, dude.
It is fucked up that they make you tee off in front of everybody.
Yes.
Like that's got to be the nerves in that situation have to be bad.
And then he almost choked it away on the back nine.
Yep.
But then.
Second nine.
Second nine.
Now by choking harder than he choked.
And it was it for like maybe five seconds, it looked like we might have some competition
going into the back three holes, aiming corner, as we call it.
Yeah.
But yeah.
The last three innings.
The last.
Yes.
Yes.
The final third of the golf course.
But yeah, I think, I mean, he played the best golf all week and it was, it was very
cool to see.
I'm actually very excited to see what the master's dinner is going to be like next year.
If I'm Hideki, I serve blowfish liver and let the chips fall where they may be thin
out the field a little bit.
Holy shit.
See who gets poisoned.
Yeah.
That would be okay.
I like that.
I like what you're thinking there.
I also, so I was reading up about Hideki after he won.
He's a notoriously private guy.
So not a lot out there about him, but he was asked on Saturday, there was a 77 minute
weather delay and a reporter asked him what he did during it.
And he said he sat in his car and looked at his cell phone.
So as far as I'm concerned, this guy is us.
Awesome.
And I love him.
Yeah.
Like just getting lost in your cell phone instead of, you know, I don't know, stretching
or keeping loose.
He's just like, no, I'm going to check out some memes.
I'm going to look at Twitter and I'm going to hop back on the course.
I did read one article about him.
That's a lie.
I read two paragraphs of an article about him and he loves, the guy loves sake.
That's his defining character.
So Rick Riley's tweet was okay.
Rick Riley really mailed that one in even by Rick Riley terms when he said, Hideki will
never have to buy another sake in Tokyo.
Yes.
It's like, yeah.
Okay.
He's actually not from Tokyo.
Yep.
So I think he's actually from a city called Matsuyama.
Oh, okay.
They should just say that the city is now named after him.
It is.
After he won.
But yeah.
It's official.
I don't know if that even counts.
He like pigeon delivered that one in.
No.
He was already, he was sitting on the beach or he was sitting on, what is it, Lake Cuomo?
Yeah.
Andrew Cuomo.
No.
He was saying on Cuomo.
Lake Cuomo.
Lake Cuomo.
Yeah.
Riley didn't really care for that.
But I'll tell you what.
We should also say the real winner of this Masters, Brooks Kepka.
Yeah.
Competing on Deer Leg.
Hero.
Hero.
Like a warrior.
Walking paralyzed man.
Exactly.
So the fact he was even able to get out there and play two rounds of golf.
Yes.
That's impressive.
I want to say about our classification of Brooks as a hero.
I don't know, I don't know where these people are coming from.
I've, for my entire life I've known a hero is someone who plays 36 holes on a hurt knee.
That's a hero.
Injured knee.
Injured knee.
He was injured.
I have a question for you.
Okay.
Do you think, so Xander Shoffley floored with it, you alluded to it.
It was, there were maybe three minutes of compelling Masters.
Yeah.
No, I should take that back.
Well, and while Hideki was like kind of going through it when, when he had that double bogey
or whatever it was, that was compelling.
So in the process and then right after until Xander hit his T-shirt.
And, and, and my guy, Will Zalatoris, who we got to talk about in a second, who he came
out birdie birdie.
So that was exciting.
But yeah, there was like a five minute span where it was like, oh my God, you know, Hideki's
in the drink, Shoffley's going to maybe get, you know, it's within two strokes.
I thought to myself, is there a chance, is there a chance that if Xander Shoffley wins
the Masters, does Jim Nance drop an X going to give it to you?
Yes.
Yeah.
Well, no, it was going to be Faldo.
It was going to be the Patrick Reed.
All right.
Imagine who tragically passed away.
Yes.
Do you think he was thinking that?
I think Faldo had it queued up in his head.
I think that instead of saying like lightning in the thunder and the thunder and the lightning
in the thunder, it was going to be, it was going to be Faldo saying like either X going
to give it to you or there was another one that he had queued up.
I'm trying to remember with the other big line that I was thinking, because I was thinking
the exact same thing.
I like your take by the way that Nick Faldo might have a more nappable voice than Jim
Nance.
I think he does.
Yeah, I agree.
Because it's softer now.
Jim Nance, you can tell he's amped up whenever he's in Augusta.
This is Jim Nance's vacation that he takes every year is when he's actually working at
Augusta.
So he's like, he's excited.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm a ASMR for dads where it will put you to sleep.
But when I hear Faldo, it's like you just hit me in the face with like a gram of Dramamine.
Yes.
And I'm just like, I'm just free basing Nyquil at that point.
I also like Nick Faldo, sir, Nick Faldo, sorry, apologies, sir, Nick Faldo's ability
to be the gatekeeper of all of golf.
He oftentimes drops like an R game.
And I kind of like that.
I like that we have a gatekeeper out there watching over for us.
I also like I love the Masters.
Everyone loves the Masters.
It's it's great.
It sucked that it wasn't super exciting down the stretch.
But I did.
Will Zalatoris was my guy was riding him like a horse.
I was hoping that he was going to, you know, come through.
He is.
He's the one to watch.
I think we need to get him on the show.
I think we need to add him to our to our stable of Brooks, Max Homer, and I think Will Zalatoris
is.
He's ready.
I think Adam Sandler.
Bump.
He got the Adam Sandler bump.
He's just got like a hilarious frame to him.
It's like, you know, you always say Michael Phelps body was made to be a swimmer.
His body was made to be golfer.
No, no shoulders or torso whatsoever.
Long arms and just the torque.
Just the torque on that.
In rate.
He looks like if Billy had taken up tick tock instead of sports.
Yes.
Yeah.
Pretty much.
Yeah.
He is.
He if you stand sideways, you can't see him.
Yeah.
Like it's crazy how skinny he is.
So I think I think we're going to have to add him to the stable.
I also, um, I felt like a total fucking idiot when people were tweeting about the Adam Sandler
thing on Saturday, I want to say, um, and someone had created a meme that was like,
he actually was in at it.
He was in happy Gilmore and I was like, Oh, he fuck and I almost retreated.
I was like, you fucking asshole.
Yeah.
That movie came out 40 years ago and he's like 24 years old.
So, uh, credit to me for not doing that, but it was he is, he is the, uh, guy who won
who didn't win.
Yeah.
And it was just, it was fun hearing Jim Nancy's Latourist.
Yes.
That was just erotic.
No, no box, but.
No, that's a box in a exotic way.
It was, it was hot.
Yeah.
Um, other things.
I've got a, I've got a Colin Coward take.
Okay.
You ready for this?
Yeah.
I think that Augusta National is the Kardashians of golf courses because it's everyone talks
about it all the time.
It's perfectly manicured.
It always makes sure that it's presented in its best light.
You know, they always go over, they even with the, uh, the papers that they give you, they
give you, um, like a wrapping paper for a pimento cheese sandwich or a barbecue sandwich.
That's green.
So even if it falls on the ground, you don't see all the, all the trash.
Yeah.
And blown around.
Yeah.
Uh, they always make sure that it's always guys best foot forward and they will go out
of their way to make sure that it's never presented in like a frumpy light.
You know, they take care of.
Maintaining the image of the golf course and they probably both won't let Lamar
Odom onto their property.
That's true.
That is also.
So that's my.
Okay.
Colin Coward take.
I like that.
I like that.
Um, oh, I remember what I was going to say.
Matsuyama.
So he wins the masters 85 years, uh, waiting for the green jacket, Japan, all this stuff.
I also think that like he is the most, that was the most successful run that someone has
ever had wearing their sunglasses on the back of their hat.
So not only were they on the back, but they were on the back and upside down.
Like that's right.
Like the, that move is, is usually for a guy with truck nuts who's going to road rage
and probably like, you know, inhale some computer duster, right?
Like that's, that's a totally different type of guy who's wearing their sunglasses backwards
or upside down on the back of their hat.
And so he doing that, like that's, there's got to be a group of guys who are probably
way too sunburned and have the, uh, coconut shell, uh, necklaces, the Pukas squeezing
the, the life out of them, cheering in their trailer, being like he did it.
I would say it's like, it's a chubbier guy move too.
Yeah.
Like a guy with a goatee, um, kind of like the, the Chris Moneymaker type face.
That guy probably usually rocks them upside down backwards.
The only time that, that most sunglasses guys, and I speak as one who would ever, I would
never even think to like going backwards and upside down.
Yeah.
So it's a power.
I might have to start rocking a second pair.
Yeah.
That's just kept backwards.
Like that guy, I feel like a guy who wears his sunglasses like that, um, is just like
underwater in debt, but has a sick boat.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like can't, can't keep up with his mortgage, but he just fucking added another 450 horsepower
to his boat.
You know how like sometimes, uh, they tell you that if you're, if you're in a place
in the world that has a large tiger population, you wear a mask that has eyes on the back
of your heads to keep the tigers away.
With him, you put those on the back of your head.
Like if somebody's wearing sunglasses on the back of their head, it's just to keep cops
away from everyone.
Like I can see you.
Yeah.
Everyone who's listening to this podcast in Jacksonville, Florida right now is just
nodding along and like, yup, yeah, my boat is sick.
So I'll figure future me problem for the house I can't afford.
I would also say that, um, we should probably give some credit to the golf cameraman.
Mm-hmm.
Sometimes you forget what a difficult job that must be to be able to track the ball
in midair and have it perfectly in the, do they have like software that helps them do
that?
Hank, do you have any idea?
I don't think so.
They're always just like straight on point with it.
I have no idea how it's done.
I'm kind of out on the HD camera though, though super HD.
It doesn't, it doesn't hit the same in all places.
It does.
It's great on, on NFL.
Right.
It was weird.
Cause there was no fans.
Right.
This one is like, okay.
So it's just a dude in it.
Like they actually did a couple with fan shots is like, so I'm just looking at a, a slightly
overweight middle-aged white dude with a polo.
Like I could just look in the mirror.
That would be super HD, right?
Yeah.
More than slightly overweight.
Also, uh, Faldo had a very, excuse me, Sir Nick had a very Jake especially today as
Prince Philip is, is lying in state.
He was probably knighted by Prince Philip.
Yeah.
Right.
Yes.
So, uh, Jake, did you catch this when Sir Nick, this was on like, you know what, let's
just, let's, before we do this, let's just say that the rest of this show is, is honoring
Prince Philip.
Yes.
And also Queen Elizabeth.
From here on out, the rest of this episode is the Prince Philip episode.
Do you think that, that Queen Elizabeth is going to like take some time, like go on a
house, Stella got a groove back type vacation.
She's going to go out with the girls, little single ladies.
Yeah.
I mean, she's been waiting for a long, she's been married for what?
Like they started dating when, when she was like 13 years old.
Dude, the, the, the, uh, fact that like the, the Meghan Markle and, uh, what's the, what's
his, what's his name, Harry, Harry, that, and the fact that Prince Philip is so old has
just opened the world to jokes about the royal family.
How sick would it be if Steve Harvey hit on the Queen, stole the Queen, took her to America.
She abdicated.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And now guess what?
We got your leader.
Listen, whenever someone dies over the age of 90, the jokes are, are fair to say.
Except Betty White, national day morning when that happens.
I'm going to probably have to make a few jokes.
Yeah.
I'm definitely going to take some, I'm going to need some time.
He's like, you lived a fucking awesome life, 99, although he, he was like a month and a
half away from a hundred.
That's tough.
Like you were right there.
And that's why he got the heart surgery was just, he's like, I can see the finished
one.
And he was looking healthy.
Yeah.
Oh, he looked great.
Like skincare.
I don't know what his routine was.
Again, this is all in memory.
So like this is all lovely.
Right.
We're remembering the good times.
We actually thought he was already dead.
Yeah.
He probably looks better now.
Yeah.
He's in a better place.
Literally.
I mean, they always put like the mortician, they, they dress you up.
They glow you up.
Big time.
Yeah.
So we can say Jake.
I was going to say Sir Nick had an awesome take and this was when there were still nine
holes of golf left to play.
He said, I think that if he wins, Hideki will be the one who lights the Olympic torch this
summer.
What do you think about that?
I like it.
Wow.
It's a Romo call.
Yeah.
It's a Romo call.
That's a Romo call.
I started to think about it.
I was like, who else?
Like in the sporting world right now.
Otani Shohei?
Shohei Otani.
Yeah.
Shohei Otani.
Rui Hachimaru.
It's Rui Hachimaru.
It's Rui Hachimaru.
Itru.
Yeah.
Itru, I feel like is.
Yeah.
He's like a legend.
He's literally like a legend.
It's the legend.
They should have Shohei like throw the torch to Hideki and have Hideki hit it with like a
three wood.
Yeah.
I like it.
Or Itru slap it and run to first.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I thought that was a great take.
And it was something where I was like only Jake and Sir Nick Faldo would be thinking about
that.
Yes.
Other other relatable moments that happened in the Masters, Billy Horschel having twice
he had to take his shoes off and hold 13 Saturday and Sunday.
That sucked.
I don't.
I know you can't just quit, but I would definitely quit there.
I also had a moment where I love watching, you know, major championship golf because
they're so fucking good and the, the like smallest error becomes this huge thing.
So like Hideki goes into the water.
I was watching Hank and I were sitting there.
He goes in the water and then he gets back like, you know, onto the green and then it
pops up and he's like, he's putting for bogey and I was like, what?
Like I, I would in my like wildest dreams, getting a bogey in Augusta would be the coolest
thing ever.
Water hits.
You're thinking like, oh my God, this has got to be like a nightmare.
Yeah.
But it's tough on a par three.
Right.
Like when, uh, when Xander, Xander, double bogey, that's, that's when Sir Nick should
have dropped the, so after he goes in the water, he should have said, as X would say,
he's got to stop.
Drop.
Yeah.
Time to hit the third shot.
Yeah.
Whoa.
Yeah.
I guess X won't give a go.
Give it to us.
Talking about a dramatic finish.
Yeah.
It would have been amazing.
I mean, Dustin Johnson, just bouncing after he put on the green jacket for a decky, he's
like, right, I'm out of here.
That's got to suck so bad to miss the cut and have to hang out for two days.
Just while everyone, I know Max Homo did hang out and there was a lot of talk about his
P belly.
I don't know if you saw that scuttlebutt online, his stomach looked a little fat and he said
that he had had a couple beers and he had to pee really bad.
So yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, everyone moved on.
He was just filled.
Yeah.
He was like the secretion system.
Right.
Right.
Exactly.
And then, I mean, Bryson, what happened there?
Oh, Bryson took a money shot from himself.
Yeah.
You see that spilt that he had?
He spit all over himself.
So I'm going to put the Brazzers, Billy, that's your assignment for tomorrow.
Put the Brazzers logo on Bryson just dribbling a luge on.
It was like spit and I think he was kind of doing a snot rocket at the same time.
Out of his mouth.
Yeah.
He got one hole.
It was so gross.
But yeah, he didn't realize it.
I didn't realize it.
Didn't sue so well.
So Patrick Reed wore a CBD hat.
Yeah.
That's very funny.
Which is like, there's no way that his wife allows him to take CBD.
No, absolutely not.
It's like podcasters and Patrick Reed are the only people that are sponsored.
It was purple, too.
He looked like the purple hoser.
They should have had, his Latourist should have worn, because it said CBD, his Latourist
should have had one that just said, CHD, call her daddy.
Ooh, that would have been nice.
That would have been nice.
And it would be sick if, like, Phil Mickelson would just, it just said weed.
Yeah.
It's like, yeah, I'm just going to the hard stuff.
It would be sick.
Yes.
It was nice seeing Phil out there.
It was like, yeah, every, every like, I don't know, 20 minutes, Jim Nancy, like, and here's
Phil.
And it's always sad whenever you know that you've had a bad tournament on Sunday when
they're like, and here's like Hideki Matsuyama hadn't even teed off yet.
And they're like, and here's Phil at hole 17, and it's like, all right, he's wrapping
up.
He started at 9 a.m.
Phil was actually a case of, was the tournament too short for him because he started to play
well.
I think the times that I saw him on Sunday.
Yeah.
Phil got high at the end.
Yeah.
John Rom got high.
John Rom got high at the end.
I think I understand why people like Jordan Spieth now because Jordan Spieth, after every
shot, he's like yelling at his ball every single time.
You know, he's a head case, man.
It's, it's kind of fun to watch when it's in the air and he's like, he's giving his
ball specific instructions on, he's like an old person that you run into in the countryside
of Ireland when you ask him how to get to the highway.
He's telling his ball like, okay, make a left at this tree, take two hops and then put
the backspin on it and then it ends up in the water.
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
I blew it again.
Yes.
The last thing before we get to our who's back and we're going to do more master's talk
with Scott Van Pelt in a minute, some great insight from Augusta Jake.
We asked you, you have the call in Japanese and Italian and Hindi and Hindi because last
time we said you should do it in Indian because we're looking for more Indian listeners.
People were wrong.
It's not a language.
Not a language.
Hindi is a language.
Also, can you do X going to give it to me in Japanese?
Can work on that.
Okay.
It's a hello friends, a tradition on like any other.
Yeah.
Okay.
It's not the final call.
Just do that.
Okay.
All right.
Japanese.
Konnichiwa Tomodachi.
Hokuto Wachigao Dento.
That was good.
Beautiful.
It was elegant.
I practiced a little bit.
Of course you did.
Now Italian.
Remember, use the hands.
Chawamichi.
Una tradizion diversa dalle altre.
Ooh.
You're getting a lot better at this.
Yeah.
And then Hindi.
This one, I've never practiced before because it's the last minute edition.
Hilo Dostan Ek Parapara Kisei N.A.K.Vipari.
Yeah.
We're going to need some work on that one, but that's fine.
Baby steps.
At least we got the name of the language this time.
That's correct.
Progress.
Correct.
We're evolving.
Good job, Jake.
Thank you.
I like this.
I think you need to...
I would actually like if you would just learn three or four more languages.
All right.
Two.
Two more languages.
All right.
Fluent.
Any championship, I'll do the final call.
Final four of the Masters.
Yeah.
I would like to also see you do some sign language for deaf listeners.
Mm-hmm.
Yep.
They're out there, Jake.
Yes.
Yes, they are.
And maybe some typing in Braille for our blind listeners.
I'm typing my eyes closed.
That's intuitive.
That's not.
Yeah, there is nothing at all like what they do.
Yeah.
We should probably cut that.
No.
That was mean.
It, for it to be mean, it would have to be like mean spirited.
Yeah.
You just set it off the cuff.
You were actually saying like...
You were actually trying to help.
...I have the ability to type with my eyes closed.
Right.
Right.
Yeah.
Apologies if I...
No.
You're...
I think you're okay.
All right.
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And in five years, it will probably be $10 billion.
Go in parabolic.
Yeah, exactly.
Pass the moon.
Get on the moon with the code BARCEL.
Cash App.
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Okay.
Hank in his red towel.
What is that?
Is it towel?
Skipper.
Skipper.
Skipper.
Is that a come rag?
To Kirchoff.
Okay.
It's a crunchy rag.
I got a bunch of who's back.
It's my first one.
Ronald Lacuna Jr.
Face of baseball.
Face of baseball.
He should be.
He's a freak.
He's a 120-foot home run and he beat out an infield single on the same game.
He's got it all.
Five tools.
How many tools?
Five.
Can you list the five tools?
Five plus.
List the five tools right now.
Okay.
Running, fielding, hitting, thinking.
Mm-hmm.
Name sounds cool.
Name sounds cool.
Ronald Lacuna Jr. is an awesome game.
Has the tilde above the end, as Bryce Harper pointed out.
Ronnie.
Ronnie.
What are the five tools?
Running.
Running.
Throwing.
Throwing.
Hitting.
Contact.
Contact.
Contact.
And then Babbit.
Fielding?
No, fielding.
Yeah.
Glove work.
Yeah.
Wouldn't fielding be?
Speed.
Speed's on there too.
It's running?
I think there are seven tools.
Yeah.
It's something that needs five plus.
Yeah.
Easy.
Whose back is Chano Mack getting thrown off of cages?
That just happened.
Haven't.
Last night.
Fuck yeah.
It's just a nice little thing you can kind of always like, check your calendar out.
What is this going to happen?
When was the last time Chano Mack got thrown off?
Like a giant surface onto the ground.
Okay, even though it's 51 it's still going and yeah, and he's very rich and he doesn't have to do this and credit to him for
Just still doing it. It's like it's crazy. Yeah, it's awesome
How about triple-h just straight up sandbagging us on the NFT talk in the interview? He's like, yeah
It's something that we do the wink was he like he was like it's something that we might be looking into in the future
And then the very next day WWE dropped a shitload of NFTs on us. He did call the bad bunny being
Being into it. It was an awesome bunnies back. I watched it. I was so sick. Yeah, bad bunny legit makes up for his corona commercials
Yes
You're I had posterizations as well miles, but miles bridges. Whoo. It's quite a dunk
That should what's the next level after like a poster because that's what that should be. Is it a mural?
Like that was such a violent dunk mosaic. Yeah, Clint Capella water color
That was just I think it out of the way or you know, it is you got timelineed because the entire timeline was just videos of that
Exactly, right? That's exactly got timeline big time. Mm-hmm. Is that a Hank? We're good
my who's back of the week is
receiver swag
Wide receivers playing above their swag level. I saw Billy tweet about this. I think too
The NFL is just I guess giving clearance to wide receivers to wear single digit numbers
Is that official? It's a major there goes the neighborhood moment
I think it's gonna have Pete Peter King leaked it out and when Peter King has a scoop like that
It's Roger Goodell. Just being like Peter. You are my trial balloon. Yeah, they're true right about they're allowing all new numbers, right?
I hate it. I don't like it either. Yeah. Yeah, you know, it broke my brain when I when I saw it
I was like this isn't fair because it's not only that it's like linebackers can wear
Don't like any number now to like imagine a linebacker wearing number 25. Yeah, I hate it. That's that's crazy
That's what George's football. Do you want the entire NFL to look like Georgia football?
I don't and when it comes to wide receivers that are wearing single digits is give me a nice boxy 88 any day of the week
I think what they should do the tiktokers being like normalized receivers wearing any number they want
Here's what they should do though bullshit. They should make it so that you get let's say five
Single digit numbers on your entire team and it just has to be your five best players
That would make it like if your best player is a guard they wear number six
Like it's just that's cuz I actually I'm gonna say something nice about soccer
But the best player on the team wearing number 10 is kind of cool
Yeah, who's this year would be cool if it was like the best player wears this specific number
Maybe each position group like who is the seven? Okay, the seven is the best linebacker out there
I think that'd be cool. Mm-hmm. I agree with that. What do you Billy? You don't like it either, do you? I?
Think yeah, you know, it was all about
How like there's no eye and defense and it's like how are you gonna have a team of a bunch of single digit linebackers?
I forget exactly what I said, but it's we fence
Yeah, are you yes? I think I think that if you're wearing like a number one or two
That should either be for like the best kicker or the worst quarterback. It shouldn't be a wide receiver
Yeah, but it also I kind of I think it's badass when like number two is a sick defensive end
I so that's just in college. It looks yeah
I it's cool to have like today on cloudy when he was in college and he wore the single digit
It looked awesome, but it also broke my brain my scouting brain
I was like, how's this guy project to the end? Wait, is this guy gonna play quarterback in the NFL?
Just saying I like having those rules in place that keep my brain in a neat orderly
No, I agree. I said having to do all this math in my head by looking at numbers. Yes, I agree
It's it's fucked everything up. Is that it? That's it. Okay. Oh my back of the week is
The debate of whose man is it for the Brooklyn Nets?
So the Brooklyn Nets lost to the Lakers on Saturday night prime time a Lakers team that didn't have LeBron or AD out there
and
It has been pointed out that
The Brooklyn Nets this year. They are 36 and 17
They are 27 and 7 with James Harden playing and they are 9 and 10 without
James Harden is the best player in the Brooklyn Nets. Well, what's the record been since they got Blake?
I don't know. It's probably like I think they've lost a couple times. I know they lost to the Bulls probably let's say
Five and two. Okay. That's pretty good. Yeah, so my
That's a guess so five and two I I do love the whose man's car
It was inevitable that we're gonna have that conversation when it came to that kind of I watched the game last night
And I knew James Harden was out
But I also there were times was like wait, they should just have James Harden score like they need to get back in this game
They should just have James Harden do James Harden things. So I'm kind of buying
I guess it would be my own thought of just James Harden's the best player on the team
I just love the idea that that Kyrie takes these personal days
Just like depending on what cycle what was it like what phase of the moon we have gone
Mm-hmm, like what stage is it a query is rising the day off? Yeah, I'm gonna do
He's taking a day off. Let him take a day off and then my other who's back is
The corp is back because a rod
What's the bet next best thing when you can't buy the New York Mets you buy the Minnesota Timberwolves?
Mm-hmm. That's it's literally like pretty good consolation
Is the when they list all the franchises in all the sports
I think Mets and then Timberwolves come right after the man
I mean everyone always talks like the major markets you talk about the men's and the Yankees the Lakers historic teams the Minnesota Timberwolves George
Mike in yeah, listen you spend a lot of time talking about like early stages Kevin Garnett
Mm-hmm, how great he was the trail spree. Well. Yeah, have you asked all of them all the Ricky Ruby?
I have not asked, but I know that Spencer Hawes is already asking so I said yeah, maybe
Everything's out there. That's reached out at all. I actually enjoy
No, no, it's definitely a move though for a ride like he's tend to email
He is he's buying that team to move it to Seattle
It'd be funny if he moved it from Minneapolis to St. Paul. Well
The good thing is if you're a Timberwolves fan, you're like was a rugged move to see I don't think a rod will
And the his co-owner is also like a draft an upstanding guy
Who made all his money at Walmart so no way will he move this no no no chance
He's about the communities it's a different
The mom and pop shops are what they're most important to him. So yeah, the corpus going to Minnesota
How does J. Lo feel about Minnesota? She seems like she'd be a big fan. Yeah, the lake Minnetonka
The mosquitoes heard of it the state bird of Minnesota. Yeah, Prince
He's dead
But we can't we can't yeah, I was gonna say we can't do a print show and a print
No, we can't this is a Prince Philip only show
But yeah, Timberwolves, I do appreciate the few stray people on Twitter who like actually get mad at me being like
You better not move the team to Seattle like you you really think that I mean if a run smart do with this
He would say that it was all your idea. Yeah, that's true
I will be the fall guy
Mm-hmm if I I actually would love to be the fall guy in that situation because then I'd be the fall guy either way
Like you want to keep the team in Minnesota like I'll be the fall guy that see it like Seattle can play me
And I'll be the king in Minnesota. You want to move the team to Seattle and have me be the fall guy
I'll be the king of Seattle and the fall guy from Minnesota. You you at least just one city
You can't go to forever the other one. You're the fucking
The ruler I would be you know what though you would be the king of
Minnesota if you kept the team there, that's what I'm saying if the team doesn't wait, but if you move it to Seattle
I think there are already people out there that are gonna be like thank you Paul Allen somehow for moving the team here
Yeah, yeah another one. We can't do the RIP show to him. We Prince Philip this Prince Philip
Who got all Paul Allen's guitars? Did Jim Ursay kill Paul Allen so he could take his guitar collection?
I don't know somehow. I'm gonna look into
Jake
Blake 12 and 4 or not 12 and 4 since I was pretty close 5 and 3
Yesterday was the first home home loss. Okay with 12 and 4. Yeah, I wasn't no. I was pretty far off pretty close
Crashing wasn't thank you Jake, but I wasn't
All right
Crash on the image wise. No still about a 7 and then 75%
No, I still wasn't 5 out of 7 5 out of 3 72% and then
5 and 2 yeah
Yeah, crashing the boards
Ennis cancer had 30 rebounds in a game on Saturday. That is crazy. Yeah, how bad were his were his teammates shooting?
There's just some stats and sports that I it's just like job is crazy in the box or you see 30 rebounds
Yes, it doesn't seem possible. Has anyone ever had a triple double with fewer than 10 points? Oh
It's like blocks steel blocks or steels
I was watching an old clip of shack in college and he had a triple double with blocks
And it was so fucking sick. He would just catch the ball as you were trying to shoot it
Yeah, yeah, 11 blocks 30 rebounds is insane and then congrats to Liam his UMass minute men won the frozen fort. Whoa
Let's go Liam hockey school. You just say that and everyone has to respect it
Just keep moving. Yeah hockey school got it. Ah, Billy. You got a who's back before we get to SVP
Um, just a quick one fans are back
You know what you're kind of right I turn my air conditioning on for the first time last yeah
It's that I mean I have a fan in my room
I just turn it on and it's gonna be on till like, you know September or October. Yeah, so that's always a good feeling
It is a good feeling. Do you like the sound of a fan? Does it make you fall asleep easier? Yeah a little bit of a, you know
Underlying noise. Yeah, you thought about saying white noise, but you didn't yeah
So like the first time that I spent the night in a hotel room with Hank and big cat
They just they turned on their fan apps without telling me they were about to do it
It was one of the most bizarre things ever
I was just looking around in the room like is this normal I need to have white noise
You have to announce that though. You have to be like, hey, I'm gonna turn on this white noise reaching sound
It wasn't screeching at all. That's not a broken. It was a broken out fan
Sounds a heads up would have been nice a screech. I got a bad night sleep that night and forgot my wallet
It's at the Cleveland the Q arena. It's a we weren't even in the same room. We were just in a shared
Like I was the same room. Was it? Yeah
Hank was on the couch
That's right, maybe it was the bus
But also no, I remember the hotel room
I remember being just startled and being like, are you guys okay? Not yet. It's an amber
All right, I think a lot of people sleep with fans on yeah, but I just you know
Heads up would have been nice. I think it's a totally normal thing to sleep with fan on not screeching not even close to screeching
No screech whatsoever. It's just a
Half the people just fell asleep. That's right. You put that you put that with Sir Nick's voice. Yeah
Billy Billy, what'd you get into this weekend? Why aren't you in the studio right now?
You know, I'm just studying
But we're laughing because Billy he is a real-life drill tweet where he was
Essentially saying like hey guys, I don't know if I'm being
Because I have a big test on Monday and then another paper on Tuesday and then like so what are you doing Saturday?
He's like well, I have to enjoy myself like you know, you're right. You do it's your senior year
But yeah, your time management is a very I actually would like a time management like a detailed breakdown
Maybe on Friday show
Dude, I found this huge stump and I climbed it next to the river and it's actually really cool
Your job I found the highest place next to a body of water. I got on top of that
And then I jumped into the river was sick with did everyone cheer?
Wait, no, how cold was the water? Oh, it was it was the perfect temperature. What's really fine
No, no, it wasn't did you do a pencil? Are you go ahead first? It's like the second day that it's been nice out
Dude, it was great. It was just like it was a perfect like because it was like 90 degrees out. No, it wasn't
Where were you
62 degrees in New York
No, I sent you guys a picture of the stump. Okay, let's see this stump
We'll see this dump. We'll get the scott Van Pelt. Okay. Just send us a picture Bryson
With the bet with the browsers low. That's a good picture. Honestly. He's a good meme Billy
Well, it's going through here it is. There you go. All right. We got the stump
Wow
What a stump. It's a pretty big stump. No, and you know, you're on this and you climb it. Mm-hmm
Wow
Who's that? That's why you're not here today. Who's your friend? That's on the stump. You're your friend
That's like way out of shape. Oh
That's uh, that's me. Oh, oh fuck. You got these dude. Yeah
Your pecs
I don't think that's what pecs look like. All right. Let's get to uh scott Van Pelt
It's a pretty big stump. How'd they cut that stump down? What happened to it? Exactly. No, so like I like
That's not like a place to swim. It's like behind behind like this old like construction site and we found it
And then we just chilled there for the whole day
Cool
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Congratulations on your Coors Light jumpsuit. Now here he is Scott van Pelt
Okay, we now welcome on our very very good friend. It is Scott van Pelt
I said it at the beginning of the show. It's a tradition unlike any other
Having Scott van Pelt on the show after the masters on sunday. So thank you as always
Uh, that had no drama. None
Well, I mean for a second
Like it was but it was fake, right? I mean, it was like, whoa. Whoa. What do we have here?
He's in the water on 15 and then xander
Rinses went on 16 and then it was gone. Um
Which all credit to um to matsuyama who was brilliant
But I you know, I kind of like the title game the other night, right?
Like you're waiting you're waiting for you feeling Gonzaga again
And instead it was like, oh no, but baler's just a lot better and in this case
Hideki who has a lot of people have been waiting on this
I mean, he's been really good for a long time and and this was his time. He was he was uh, he was excellent
So a lot of people don't know the difference between the masters and other tournaments when it comes to how they
Like handle the yardages and the uh, the yardage books that every player gets in my mind
This is like the test of not only who's a great golfer but a caddy like how good is your caddy?
Because the stuff that they have to fill in on the yardage booklets
It's kind of insane. Can you kind of walk us through what goes into all that?
Like a pft dropping in like, what are you golf channel? Are you brando shambly on here?
Dude, uh, don't say that. Yeah, we don't talk about briskly shambles, but I
You know what drew me in scott. I forgot. I forgot. I forgot. I forgot that that's I just hit it. OB
Yeah, he's for people who don't know ob means, uh
On awesome awesome shot. Yeah awesome shot
No, but okay, so I so I'll try to extricate myself from this
What I'm saying here is you know that the a lot of the the tour events there are these books that have very specific
Yardages to everything they have these books that tell you what all of the undulations on the greens are
It's it's basically it's cliffs notes like and you know, I think I I know me and big cat
I'm pretty pft. You're smart, but I'm pretty sure we were kind of lazy guys, right? Maybe cliffs notes here and there
Just yeah, you had to do
Well, these are these are cliffs notes for
The golf course and august national they don't provide them
And you've got to you've got to sort it out on your own
Which is it's kind of why I wonder about brando shambly about bryce into shambo because this guy has got so much
Information in his brain and he's grinding on so much of the physics and the humidity and the undulation and the rotation of the earth
and that this that and the other and his numbers
And he doesn't have all the info here
And I almost wonder if it kind of jams up his his airspace so to speak
Because you got us sorted out
Completely on your own and I think I think that's why you hear people talk so much
About local knowledge and about playing here for years
Masiyama 10 years ago was low amateurs
So he's been here a ton and you figure stuff out over time
Which is what makes with zalatoris the rookie in his master's debut
That makes what he did incredible because you're not supposed to be able to figure it out
That quickly and he looked like he belonged all four days big cat
I saw you're tweeting about him all throughout hard not to like him
You know fun guy to watch he looks like he weighs about 120 pounds
And he's out there throwing punches on sunday and august. Yeah, and it makes sense now what you what you're saying about you know like
having to be there because I
Everything I read was like zalatoris
He's not gonna be able to hang because he doesn't have that institutional knowledge that guys build up over the years
So masiyama, I want to give him a little bit more credit because it was phenomenal
He was he kicked everyone's ass what um that though we were joking the the tee shot on one
That had to have just been him sitting all night on saturday being like i'm about to win a master's
I'm about to win a green jacket and then comes out and just totally shanks it and it was I thought it was a very relatable moment to just
A little bit of pressure and then he got right back on it and was it was good the rest of the way to go
100% and like look
Justin rose who's played in a ton of masters and majors is a major champ
He shoots 65 on thursday comes out friday morning and his first tee shot is basically
You know he was in the same exact spot as masiyama. He like wasn't a shank, but I mean it's way, right?
And all night andy north kept saying to me you cannot
comprehend the amount of pressure that's on this young man's shoulders because
in in japan the he is
He's not their only star, but he's the guy and typically I mean in non-covid times
he has his own media entourage who follows his every move and
No japanese man had ever won a major and andy who he does get a little bit
He's thrown to a wee bit a wee bit. I love him
But every now and then he's a little bit of hyperbole. He's like this is a worth a billion dollars to him
I'm like do the math for me andy a billion with the bees a lot of commas and a lot of zeros
He's like you but no he's like no scott. You don't understand this guy's 29 years old
He's got to have you know give him 40 years of being able to be i'm the master champion in japan
He's like you could be a nine figure a year guy and david duvall former world number one
Who's a major champion himself told me this morning? He goes look that's not that's not crazy at all
He said it might be conservative. You can't fathom how much money this is worth
So you're sleeping on that all night
You're trying to win the masters because that's more important than the money
But if you win the masters you're going to get the money and you know shit
How could you not have those nerves and so he you know hits one off the hustle on one
And he makes bogey and he goes to the second tee and a four shot lead is all of a sudden down to one just like that
But like I was surprised nobody was able to put any pressure on him
Really until zander in the very end. None of the guys that I thought would make make a move sunday
Really were able to and his lead was pretty comfortable most of the way and so you're right
You're waiting all day to feel like you know the nerves and the drama and all this and that and mostly
Um outside of a brief moment there on 15 and 16
It was you know, I don't know boring's the word
I mean it wasn't to me, but it wasn't the kind of it didn't have the same punch that
You know a lot of times the masters does it's always fun to watch no matter what but it definitely
It wasn't the most memorable masters, but you know, but of course not so I had I had a question
So uh our colleague Nate uh tweeted this out and I thought it was a great idea the evolution of how we broadcast
All these sports obviously august is probably gonna not do this because they don't have to but do you think golf will eventually get to a
Point where they have on the leaderboard how much money guys are losing
for
The places that they drop at the end especially in a blowout like zander shawthly lost
$575,000 when he when he double bogies
16 or 15 whatever it was he he goes from second place of
1.2 mil to
$667,000 like that would actually be compelling down the stretch
If these guys are making putts even like at 12th or 13th like hey
He just made an extra 40 thousand dollars
I could I could see that other places
I not at augusta because at augusta
It's just it's the money in their estimation is is is inconsequential. You're gonna win a ton of it
I mean he won more than two
Uh and xalataurus won seven figures on sunday
I mean like basically matched what he won his whole life
With with a second place finish, but you know the way they they see it
Um, you know, that's really not what you're playing for an irregular tour event
Like I think the pga tour is going to be right there at the forefront of like live gambling and embracing that because they recognize that
people to play golf
I don't care if it's country club golf or municipal golf
You want you understand the idea of having a dollar on a line?
And I can I could see that at for regular tour events, but you know, particularly the masters and majors, you know
And by the way big cat you don't need to do it because people twitter people are going to figure it out and revelle
Revelle will have like what it what it is and what your hat was worth for the five seconds you were on tv. Anyway, right true
Uh, so what's the what's the vibe like around augusta in between rounds?
Like you were just talking a second ago about hanging out with andy north all night and him
You know giving you all this inside info. I like to imagine that that's exactly what happens
Like you guys just go to the bar afterwards and andy north just holds court and just explains exactly what's going to happen
Absolutely wrecked on sangria. Yep north north blind drunk on sangria
Honestly, I mean normally these weeks are
are
Incredible in terms of hospitality because you have like I mean
You've got to come down and see it sometime like recimo came here
And he's a pretty he's a pretty grades with a sharp pencil, right? Like he came here and he's like bro
I can't believe that place because it is it is the sort of a who's who of of you know
Fortune 500 types and everyone's trying to outdo each other when it comes to hospitality
And so it is insane. I mean shout out to our boys that wheels up my guy kenny dickter
You know them. Well, the wisconsin badger like their party every year is the
The party they've kind of done the same thing at the super bowl and obviously barstool your guys things have become
massive shindigs as well
But it's it's a little bit of who can top the other when it comes to who could get the best guests and who can put on the best
Um, just the best parties, but this year
You know with things being what they are it's completely different
Um
But it doesn't mean to me in north don't just sit around the house and get you know
Just get blind drunk on sangria and watch the golf channel just really get crazy
We got to go you also left out the biggest celebrity there this week and ryan fits patrick
Was rocking the hawaiian shirt. Did you get you had a chance to talk to fit no
No, I was it was so bummed out because he's now he's the quarterback of my team
Washington, he's the washington quarterback and there was there were a bunch of football folks down here this week
And I saw none of them. I sucked this week
I did such a shitty job of seeing people
And I mean you kind of had to be in the right place at the right time
And I never was but he was like a superstar out there and in short shorts and his beard just holding court with people
I was bummed. I I did a really bad job this week of seeing people really bad
Let me let me I'm gonna give you a chance to redeem yourself and I don't want to put you on the spot
I'm gonna
What color shirt are you wearing right now?
It's sort of a white with pink
No, scott. I so I guess I am the only one honoring tiger. I'm wearing red
Uh, I wore red all day north war red north war red and black on wednesday for our show
Yeah, and in shot. I'm a yeah gave him a text to him. You know, he was holding the downfall. Good. Good. So I failed
I I didn't I didn't honor tiger. You failed. Um, I know there's been masters that he hasn't competed in but it does feel
Can you feel it like that when he's not there because it feels it like we were talking about on thursday and friday
It doesn't have that. Uh, it's almost like a gravity force where it's like, okay
There's a lot of golf going on. But what's tiger doing? It's not kind of like that. It's exactly like that
I mean, there's there's there's no denying that in the absence of
Of woods, there's this kind of um, I don't know. It's just it he injects a different
A different level of excitement and it was wild on saturday. There's that there's that brief rain delay
And naturally your cbs like let's see what should we put on? Oh, I know 19 tiger. How about that?
And you know, when the golf starts back up in the afternoon, there's party of this like, okay
Well, good. Let's get back at it. And then as part of you, I'm sure the people like no watch tiger win
Because what he did that day was was nuts just in terms of the emotion of the moment and um
And so look we everybody knew he wasn't going to be around
And there are a bunch of young players that that I think people like and
If you know if when when dishambo plays well, I think he captivates a lot of attention
Spieth does but it feels more golfy with him
Um, it feels like it's more of a golf crowd that kind of follows his ups and downs in every move
I think there are a ton of young guys that are compelling and the sport has got plenty of people that can carry it well
It's rated well, um without tiger, but particularly here. There's you know, there's just no denying that um
That not having him you you you lack what he provides and and it's really something that only he provides
Yeah, yeah, I was wondering if you got a chance to run into sir nick this weekend
And if you did did you can you tell me how long he's planning on growing his sideburns out for?
Because right now nick looks he's going for like the aging trombone player in a scoban look and he's pulling it off
But I just don't know how much longer and sharper they can get
I like the specials like who are we talking about good like a good one or or like a knockoff
No, like a really good, uh 1980s scoban. He's been around. He's it's like him and the lead singer are the only two remaining members
Yeah, I think you I I wanted to tell him this because we were actually at
We were actually at a small function and I I had intended to tell him that
I thought he looked like a villain in a in a guy richie film
Who like snatch or something like he'd walk in and say hello gavna
But I wanted to say that to him
But then I chickened out and didn't and just played it straight
But it's I was we were I was talking to him and I didn't hear a word
He said because the whole time all I was looking at was a side of his head going
Look at those fucking sideburns. Yeah
Sounding they're majestic
They are they really are they're incredible. They really are and he's like he's fully committed
I you know, that's not like some that's not like a oh just like let it let it go for a week
I mean that's clearly where he's he's he's full on
Hey, you sir nick with the sideburns. Yeah. Hey, you said that you you talked to david devolve today
I did where is he doing the coverage? Yeah, he was there with the golf channel. We'll be together
at the pga in a month doing uh
Hosting our hosting the pga championship stuff. So yeah, do ball do ball does golf channel stuff sometimes does our stuff sort of
Like these, you know, you got he's he's figured out the a la carte thing
Yeah smart you just do some stuff with these guys do some stuff with them, you know, I like I like that
So no, I I was so I was watching uh pre masters coverage today
And they had I think it was whatever it was uh, marco mera
So david devolve finished second that year
And it was like one of the last years that he was up at the top
And he always had the coolest fucking sunglasses of all time
But have you ever like has he ever sat down and talked to you and been like
Man things just kind of escaped me and it just like he is he's a poster child for golf is a cruel sport
Yeah, but like
I've known david for a long time and he's he's I really a david's been a friend for a lot of years and
We've talked like I think we talked on the air some about this like he was the guy that
Number one was this pursuit wanted to climb the mountain and he did and he was a major champion
He's number one in the world and I think he got to the top of the mountain and looked around and was like
So this is it right and and it didn't it wasn't like it made him
Fulfilled it didn't change his life and then you know, he got married
He had children and like and he heard I mean he got hurt the reason
That he did golf kind of went away
It's because he heard his back and and he's had health issues and so I think
He's actually it's it's not like it's a sad story in a sense
Big cap because he did realize all his potential and when he got to that place
It wasn't like he was as happy as then he ultimately ended up being just in life
And you know when you've been a number one in the world player when you stood in the arena and you've been able to do it
I think you earned the right to talk about it pretty much forever. And so he's doing that now and he's really good at it
Um, but you're right. I mean he's he's was a guy that was was one thing and now is something different
But in his case it wasn't like he just lost the ability to hit a golf ball as much as his body
Just kind of broke down and betrayed him a little bit
Yeah, I think he was also done a disservice at the time because when he won it was billed as like we're going to have
Tiger against David Duvall for the next 20 years
So strap in get ready to enjoy if it wasn't for that aspect because we're so thirsty for
Like a legitimate rival to tiger at the time that we put all those expectations on them
That wouldn't have been there if tiger was not in the picture
But as we look back now with the understanding of what was going on then there were a lot of guys that were supposed to be one thing that
You know if like davis love won a ton of money
But he won one major, you know, ernie ells won majors
But he'd be to want a pot full more if he wasn't dealing with tiger was there
Anybody in that era that just dealt with you know tiger and his whatever and his 20s
um
I don't know. I mean it was you're kind of up against uh
Like this superhero figure, which is why
Look not a couple of years ago duvall had the great line about these young guys said they wanted the chance to see tiger at his peak
And they wanted a chance to go toe-to-toe with him and duvall said the hell you do
You don't want that trust me when I tell you yes, that's not what you want to see
And we got a brief glimpse of it there when woods won in 19
but I mean at this stage
You know and and who knows now after you know an accident who the hell knows what will happen, but
Um, I mean I think that just that one little glimpse that those guys got of what what woods at his peak was
Um gave him an idea. Yeah, and what about you scotter?
Do they let you play augusta? Do you have that ability if you could get a tea time there?
I mean, I I know people um, I have played it. I won the media lottery once which was um
Which was nuts and I took like this is this is pre, you know
Cell phone you could take although cell phone pictures. I'm sure it'll probably be frowned upon
But I just had like like a like a drugstore camera and I took like 800 pictures like a tourist all day
Um, but maybe someday maybe someday I'll get back out there
I mean people have been very kind and it's been nice to suggest that maybe we could get down and play
But I mean, you know busy busy a lot of stuff work kids the whole bit someday though
Yeah, we'll get back out there speaking which I have I have an important question. I have to ask you guys
Okay, I'm standing in front of a vending machine. I didn't have any dinner
Oh, and there's something called a big there's something called a big texas cinnamon roll
And it looks just horrible and I want to know like there's nothing really else to eat except there's also there's a jumbo honey bun
Which looks iffy give us the rest of the option thinking cannot give us the rest of the options. I don't think you go big
There's something
Big texas cinnamon roll. There's a jumbo honey bun. We got some cheez-its hard to go wrong with them cheez-its
I don't know there's some there's some chocolates
But I want something that feels more like food than like chocolate right
So here's the thing with the big texas cinnamon roll because I've had it once or twice
It's about like 2,500 calories. So it's a meal and a half. It's heavy
It's gonna sit in your stomach for 20. It looks like it would be like really fuddy like i'm yeah
Like the belly and land really hard
I'll put it this way Scott you're about to get on a plane if you want to make sure
That you don't have to use the restroom while you're on that plane then eat the big texas
Wait, do you have uh animal crackers animal crackers?
I don't see
I don't see animal animal crackers in like cheez-its or pretzels
That's that's as close to a full meal that you can get from a vending machine without feeling like shit
I mean i'm looking for some sort of a jerky some sort of a protein sort of deal that's where we don't have that
But it sounds like the big texas pft feels like will keep me bound up for the flight, which is good
I mean it's gonna serve a purpose you're not gonna you're not gonna love it, but it's like it's like you're taking medicine
Right, it's gonna knock you out. Just take a bite and then throw it out. That's what you do. Then you like
I didn't even eat it. You should be having uh the pimento cheese sandwiches
You should have packed a couple of those for the road. Yeah, you want to know the sad thing
The sad thing is this cost the same amount. It's a buck 50 for the big
buck 50 for pimento cheese
Um, all right, so I had one last question by the way fellas
That's not the play chicken salad on the brioche. That's the new that was new for 2021
The eight about 11 of those today. Wow. Was there any pushback on the menu like it changed and people are like
What the hell is this vegan stuff chicken salad?
No, no, no, no, no, they keep I mean the standards are the standards egg salad pimento cheese
Those never waver but then every you know, they add a little bit of new fare
um this year with chicken salad on a brioche, which was like again, I I ate it
kind of an
I don't I ate an excessive amount of us. Um, all right, so I had one last question
I I do I do have to mention that um, you mentioned kids. I I sent scott a clip
My son was infatuated with scott's voice on friday's the longest he's ever watched tv
But then when you came on the screen, he just started yelling dad at the screen
So I don't know what the fuck that's about. Whoa. So we got questions. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what's going on there
But he thinks you're his dad. I feel like I have a soothing voice for children
I feel like I could read children's books or do like and like animated films
I could be like the like a character that would make the children happy
Yeah, I'm actually shocked you haven't been invited to do any voiceover work. You because you would track four. Yeah, you would be a hit
Yeah, no, I said animate. Oh, well, I mean from your lips to god's ears. I mean, I've been I've done
I know I I did some video game stuff. We were in tiger's video game. We were also in the aqua teen hunger force
Uh, it was called it was called
What was it called mutant pro-am or something?
That sounds right. Look it up. Um, I swear to god, there's a golf video game for the aqua teen hunger force that I did
Um, I don't know that it's sold as many as the tiger video games
But I haven't been in any on any cartoons, which I feel like pft is going to get that sorted for you. We got a boner dogs
Yeah, we'll get you in you'll be the announcer for the dog race. Yes. That's perfect. That's perfect
So my last do an english accent like I did with mcfowdoe and just say hello
Yes, yeah, you can be both you can interview yourself
Well, this whole entire episode you don't even know this but this entire episode has been uh,
Memorialized for prince philip true that that's perfect
Wow poor poor one out. I'm gonna get some uh, I'm gonna get I'm gonna with the big tech
He loved I'm gonna get like a dry ginger ale. I'm gonna pour some uh, yeah
No, he loved prince philip love big texas cinnamon rolls. That was his favorite snack. We did him in
That's why he only lived to 99 not a hundred. Um, all right my last question
Uh, do you have a fats russell jersey yet? No, no fats
Fats is in the transfer portal and he's headed to maryland, but I mean, I mean, you know, we're excited just how good
How good a name is bats like just the best
You know what it is too
I I think you'll have another like resurgence where people who watch college basketball
You know and and then flip on i'm really talking about gamblers who flip on a uri game against dating on a wednesday night
And they're like this guy's name is fats
Once he goes to maryland everyone's gonna be like holy shit. There's fats russell dude. That's fats. It's fats
Are you let the show one night?
Yeah, he led the show one night when he was at rody because he had like 41
Yes, I think two years ago little did I know that someday he'd be my favorite player and that I'd end up with a jersey with
fats
Do you think though that uh, the maryland success that will happen next year, which i'm sure it will they've got a great recruiting class
Yeah, well, uh, no, no recruiting class. They're doing the transfer portal. Do you think that's kind of cheap?
Um, do you think it's cheap because wisconsin that doesn't have anybody? No, I just answer the question
Don't make this about me. I'm asking you a question. Do you think that your success next year?
Which i'm sure you guys will have tons of success at maryland, uh, is cheap and by the fact that it's all transfers
I don't because that's because this is what listen when duke started getting guys in the transfer portal
Then it meant everyone was in the pool and if everyone's in the pool the hell with it like what are you gonna?
You're gonna you're gonna do it with with the purity and sanctity of like going out and getting some
Three-star guy from oshkosh. Yep from Kenosha. Yep or something. Yeah fun with that
We're gonna go get guys. We're gonna go get starters out of the portal and try to win a title
You guys are on the musk bus. He's got 25 guys
We're hypocrites. There's something that's it's just it's classy and honorable to
Talk to a kid when he's 12 years old and keep talking to him until he goes to your college
And then you win with him. Yeah, as opposed to getting you know, just a mercenary from some adults. Yeah
I agree in theory
Listen, I and we're joking, but we're not like there's I have I completely agree
That when you recruit a guy and if they stay for four years, there's something awesome about them winning
but in 2021 when everyone is just out there and it's like it's just like
Chaos it's like a swingers convention at closing time and everyone's just trying to find somebody to leave with
Well, then like whatever I
Listen, I I'm just getting myself ready for Maryland being good
And knowing that you're gonna be so insufferable about it. So I have to find a way to code. Why do you keep acting?
Why do you keep saying this? I'm not in there. Well, Maryland's gonna be great
I'll tell you exactly to win the title. I'll tell you exactly what big cat's doing right now
I know him pretty well and he is acknowledged in his own head that Maryland will be a very good team
So he's moving the expectations window right now for you
So like if you make it to the elite eight or the final four
And you don't win now big cat can be like that's a failure. You guys you guys have to win the national title by 20 points plus
See that's all this is cruel and unreasonable. I just
I'll like I just I just want to beat you and I want to help you in the Coles
So we don't have to play you in the Coles Center and I complain about
Officiating which I started doing about mid first half this year, but it worked
Yeah, you hate you hate Wisconsin at the Coles Center more than pretty much anything in the world when I understand
Brad Davidson which is weird doesn't foul
Which is weird because I love Madison and I love Madison people
But you guys think you've never fouled anybody because you coach not to foul
And then if someone calls a foul the entire building acts like an outrageous
Crime against humanity has taken place. You guys should try to do that. True. Yeah
Try not fouling it might work
All right, well Scott, thank you as always really appreciate your time. Enjoy the big texas cinnamon roll for prince phillip
shout out our guy
A legend i'm literally i'm literally gonna buy i'm gonna buy the big texas and um
And if this is like if if I eat it and and I have an untimely demise
I just want to just say I appreciate spending the last moments on earth together with you guys
Um, and it was it was it was worth it. The big texas. I hope was worth it
Yeah, we're gonna find out real quick if you die on the plane and we're gonna edit this part out
So it doesn't make us look like a cop. No, no, no, we're gonna keep it in we'll get so many people listening
Oh, here's how Scott my cop dies. Yeah
Here is it
It's impactful last words
And in parentheses it was about it was about a big big texas cinnamon roll
He died with 100 milligrams of sugar in his belly
He died as he lived
I have i'm gonna send you a picture because i'm buying it right now. It's heavy
I'm telling you that thing is it's got some girth to it. So godspeed. All right. Thank you scott
Be well boys
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Okay, we are going to finish up monday show with the monday reading monday readings are back
we do monday readings whenever we have something that is monday reading worthy
And this turns out that it is very much. So monday reading worthy. So
It is something that uh hank found on uh
awl dm did me so
Shout out to awl and it is titled a cute an interview with the man who keeps uploading
My wheat my feet to wiki feet
so wiki feet, I guess is a
Uh
Fetish site for feet pft. You're not familiar about it. Yeah, I'm not a foot guy
Um, all right, so we're gonna do the q&a and what we're gonna do is so this writer
She I think she's a
Politics writer she found her feet online at wiki feet
Then she found the guy who's been uploading it and did an interview with him
And we're gonna have jake be the part of the foot fetish guy
And pft and I will be the part of the interviewers
We're yeah, we're lauren basset and we are gonna stop at random spots to laugh about this. Okay, uh, I'll start
Robert
Is it just robert or do you go by something else? You sound young?
Yeah, just robert and i'm almost 60 years old young lady. Oh, do you consider yourself a foot fetish?
Yes
Since when age six. Okay. This is already just not me jake. That's very that's you. That's very
Don't break character
That's very specific jake. What happened to you when you were six a couple things have happened
But we'll start there. I have five sisters while I had five two of them passed away
What a fucking brutal thing to just drop on like a lot of their friends would come around and we had a pool in the
Backyard and they'd be barefoot, you know, they'd be here while my my sisters weren't here
They just come over and use the pool and I would give them foot massages
Oh, so it was actually kind of his parents fault for having a pool
I was gonna say right off the bat it it actually sounds like he was talking about how he had a lot of sisters
And then he wanted to sound like he wasn't being a creep about his sisters
So he said actually it wasn't my sisters
It was their friends who were over all the time when my sisters weren't even there
Right. You totally didn't want to fuck your sister jake
Uh, what was the other thing when I was about nine these new people moved on my block, right?
They were older girls and they had their own pool across the street
We were playing this game and they were like well, we have to tie you up because we captured you, you know
You're the bad guy they tied me to a lawn chair with my hands over my head and my feet tied down
They started tickling my feet and it just drove me crazy. I think that's what made me realize there's nothing wrong with it
It's fun. I just didn't feel like it was weird or anything. So I'm thinking to myself. Hey, what's the problem with this?
This is who I am. I'm not hurting anybody. I'm not robbing banks. Just let it ride. That's why I decided
Who gives the sht?
Okay, I'm already on this guy's side
He might be people are gonna say he's a creep but the minute you drop off the like
Hey, I'm not killing anyone. I'm not I'm not part of like, you know, the nazi regime in the holocaust
Like I'm not dealing harrowing. Just going though as far as you're not robbing banks. Anytime you say I'm not robbing banks
To justify what your behavior is. Yeah, you're doing something awesome. Yes
You just tried. Yeah, it's perfect to just be like listen in the in the grand scheme of things
No one's dying. Right. He's just anchored the negotiate the fuck out of this negotiation
And I'm now on his side. So how many photos have you posted there?
Well, for example, if I'm watching oh wait, you missed one. Oh, how do you how do you interact with wiki feet?
How much time a day do you spend on it?
Well, for example, if I'm watching a movie with a beautiful actress that I like I'll go on there and check out her feet
If I'm reading a story about someone like you I think is very pretty
I'm going to go check and see if she's on there because I'm curious and I love feet
So that's definitely the creepy part is that like it's just a random writer anytime you see somebody that's moderately attractive
You're like, I wonder. Yeah, let's see if their tootsies are online get those feet
It's like how if we're watching some sort of sporting event and we're like that dude's good
I wonder how much money makes and you look at his contract. Right. That's the curiosity this guy has
Oh my god. All right. How many photos did you post there, Jake? A couple hundred
Oh, and how did you first discover my feet?
I can't remember how I first discovered you but I looked on instagram and saw you on there and you had a lot of barefoot pictures
That's how he discovered her
Okay, keep going
I just followed you that was all I also like your dog. I like pager. He's cool
Your feet are quite beautiful by the way. All right. I'm now I'm now back
So I was on his side when he said when he did the old, uh, slight a hand trick being like I'm not robbing banks
I like he's right. He isn't robbing banks
Now I am fully on the side of the rider here being like this guy's creepy when you compliment someone else's dog
That you've never met him and you've also been uploading their feet to wiki feet
That's a little bit much and then he tosses it at the end like your feet are quite beautiful by the way
Yeah, hey, just so you know, I want to fuck your feet. All right. I thought that part was pretty obvious
Yeah, thanks. What makes a foot attractive to you, Jake? I like the painted toes
I like an arch the more pronounced the better. I'm kind of weird with the toes
I like a rounded big toe if it's more square. It's okay, but the rounded is better
I definitely like the soles, but I like the arches that gets you turned on the arches the arches
Yeah, because the arches that's I mean if I were to put myself in the shoes of a foot fetishist
It's like that's where your dick can go. Well, also, it's like, yeah, like you like the curves
You like the humps. You like the bumps the cleavage. Yeah, right. Yeah, that's it
I like I also like how he's like I like a rounded big toe if it's more square. It's okay, but the rounds
That's the ones that this guy just likes any foot. I think you can see the the more man
Flat feet no no go. I got flat feet. Yeah, so you're out. Okay. He needs those arches. Can't fuck you bro. Sorry
You can't you can't you can't wear a push-up bra
Aka arch support like the dr. Souls and get away with it with this guy
I've noticed that sometimes within 10 minutes of me posting an instagram short story that shows my feet
The screenshot is up on wiki feet. How does that happen? Do you spend all your time on instagram waiting for new foot content to drop?
Wait before you say something here jake that is okay. This is now full blown
This woman deserves to like put this guy in jail. So he probably has alerts on his phone
That's like you can't get a story alert. Can you I don't know but that's a he's just always on instagram
This is now and I I'm not gonna fetish shame, but this is too far
This is very creepy if I were her I would start posting just all pictures that cut off right at the start of my foot
Edge them although this guy might like try to track her down and kill her. Yeah, this is not not okay. All right
So go ahead jake. I don't sit here looking for it
I'll put it on there, but I'm not sitting here all day staring or anything
That doesn't pay the bills. Yeah. Okay, buddy. All right. So why not just look at feet on instagram or screenshot them for yourself
What do you get out of posting them to another website? This is a great question. You know, it is a great question
I don't really get anything out of it. I just like to share it
I mean people like feet like me and you have beautiful feet. I just put it on there
I just think I'm helping other people out. I mean I do save some for myself
Oh
There isn't much of a community on wiki feet. It's not like people can heart the photos or whatever
Sometimes someone will send you a little note like that's a good picture. Thanks a lot. Good job
That's really it. You don't really connect with anybody
I just like to share the picture with other people. I'm generous that way
Like that one of you on the stoop. And what was it a flying none get up and you were barefoot
I was stressed as a handmade for halloween. You posted that one
Yeah, sorry. That was very sexy. Oh my god. All right. So wait, I want to stop for a second because this guy
This is this is the root of it right here
Is that well, he obviously loves to fuck feet and he wants feet, right? But this is
What every like we seemingly weird thing online boils down to remember the um flat earth
Documentary and you watch it and the whole time you're like wait, these people don't really care about flat earth
They just want friends and they want friends online
He's just doing this so that a few people reach out and be like good job with the feet picks, dude
Keep them coming. He's looking for like kinship. Yes. I agree. He has when he says like there's not really a community on wiki feet
There's definitely a community and he wants there to be more of a community. Okay
It might not exist like on the wiki feet website. They probably have like Jesus
They probably got the creepiest discord in america going on. You know what this is actually
This is what ron and jim walkins were destined to do right
They would be really good at this wiki if you saw this there needs to be a q documentary
But about this website instead of eight koon. Yeah, I would watch that. I'm actually back on his side
I'm flip-flopping here, but this guy don't say flip-flopping. Yeah, don't say if you're right. Well
Open open toe. Do you think he's like a
Sliders guy like the old school like adidas adidas that have the
On the bottom. He likes the thong. I think the thong because you get a little separation. Yeah, that's true
The sliders they're okay, right, but you can't really see the arch in this you can't see the arch
But no, what I was gonna say is that he my favorite thing about the internet
Is that every little pocket of the internet?
Thinks that the rest of the internet is a bunch of freaks
Like if you go if you have like a bunch of people spend all their time on redditor
A bunch of people spend all their time on twitter or the youtube comments
They think everyone else is like could you imagine being on twitter all day?
It's like, but you're doing wiki feet all uploading strangers, right?
And I think a lot of the world's problems would be solved if everyone just realized that like we're all kind of losers
If you're online a lot and it's okay
What do you think they did way way back in the day?
If you grew up in like a super rural community and you had a foot fetish
You didn't have the internet
You had like maybe three people that you saw on a daily basis and two of them were your family members
The other was like the guy that lived across the street or whatever. Do you have a pool? Do no, you don't have a pool
No, so what do you do just that's just like a honey trap
Do you think people knew that they had a foot fetish or do you think that they would they
Would just like sit back and close their eyes and imagine a foot like spank bank stuff
This is like the question of uh, you know how they used to outlaw like kids writing, uh left-handed
No, yeah, they used to basically not let like kids do things left-handed satanic
And then when they started letting people do like be naturally lefties
The a rise in lefties happened everyone's like where'd all these lefties come from it's like well, we suppressed them
Yeah, so we've been suppressing foot fetishes
Which came first before the rise of the internet and and like the photograph even yeah
Did people have foot fetishes? Do you think if this guy grows up in like Toronto?
He has a foot fetish because I think the pool really has a lot more to do with it than he lets off
He had access to feet at a young age always that is a pool
He basically it'd be like why are you addicted to cocaine? Well, I grew up next to club, you know 54
Yeah, is that what it is? Well, I grew up in medellin. Yeah, right. Is that what called studio 54? Studio 54. Yeah, there we go
That's like it's dude. You were you had access to feet
Yeah, if you go up in in Canada you probably might become like more of the forbidden fruit
Oh, so you got to grow up somewhere in like because you only oh, hi
You only see a little Ohio seems maybe like five bare feet a week. Yeah on a good week. Yeah, you just hang out
Uh, like by the rink at the ice skating rink waiting for people to change
Yes, all right back to the questions
Do you ever think about how it might be a bit invasive to take someone's personal photos and put them on a fetish site without
Their knowledge or consent that some people might be unsettled by that. That's a great question
Yes, I do think that you know except I can't call up Jennifer Aniston and ask
But it does cross my mind because I have five sisters and six nieces. No, no
Three sisters two of them passed unfortunately
Yeah
Uh, and I guess not everybody would be kosher with it. Believe me it crosses my mind. I do have a conscience
I think people seem to have a good sense of humor about it. I mean you obviously do some celebrities
Say it's a badge of honor. Yeah a lot that happens all the time. Quinn Tarantino
I love that this guy just dropped numbers on on on her head being like I got 11 women that I know
That I'm personally related to
Those are numbers. Uh-huh. I'm looking up all of our names by the way right now in wiki feet to see if we're on there
I mean the ones that once upon a time in hollywood when it's just like
Her feet that was one of the craziest things
This is all making me uncomfortable visit wiki feet men. All right
I'll do the next question. Yeah, I noticed that wiki feet has a pretty strict rules. Actually, these are kind of boring questions
Let's get to the better questions
What are the best feet you've ever seen?
Marilyn Monroe cape I can say allora basset
I'm ass kissing baby grace cali rita hayworth. Oh my god. I love her
Oh
Okay, you've posted Rita's feet
Yeah, I did but she's gone. So I don't think she gives uh sh it. It's a good point
Do you do you rate women's feet on wiki feet wiki feet?
Do you ever rate them poorly? No, you know why and this is silly like I know these people
But I don't want to hurt their feelings if they're ugly. I just don't go there again. Wow
Okay, uh, they have a merch section section on their website here. Okay, don't drink in wiki feet. That's on a
That's on a sweatshirt that they have. Okay, Dave's on the website. Okay. There's seven pictures of Dave's feet on the website
Surprising where he probably put them on there
What are your what are your main interests besides feet in the Yankees live music the last concert
I went to was little steven and disciples of soul at the beacon theater
November of 2019 just before I got this damn heart surgery that almost killed me. Oh, you almost died
Yeah, I had a quadruple bypass and it was a heck of a lot of fun
But you know what when I was in florida in the hospital. I've had a couple surgeries
I had the nurse coming in at night showing me her feet
I actually took her out to dinner a couple times. I can just get girls out of their shoes. It's the thing I can do
I love that the foot whisperer. All right. So you might be quentin tarantino. This might be the q-man
So I I'm gonna land here on this guy. I think
He's right. It's not robbing a bank. I do think that he should stop
like
stalk seemingly stalking instagram of
Uh women he should probably stop doing that agreed. I'm I'm cool with him having a foot fetish
But maybe just don't just just be a passive foot fetish guy like look at what you don't upload
That's the part I don't get because there's something else to the fetish
That goes beyond just enjoying looking at feet when you're like, I know
700 horny guys that will also he wants friends. He wants friends wiki feet is his it's his group chat
Right exactly. So we need to get him friends and then he'll just be
again a passive
Uh feet guy
Yeah, I wonder what would happen if if you just put this guy if you took away the internet from took away his phone
And just put him in like five buddies on a beach with an open bar
If he would like, you know, if he would go crazy being like I need to share these feet with somebody
If you would like start drawing pictures of the feet or if he would just
And be able to enjoy himself like a regular human being. Yeah, he actually should just go be like a bartender
at a pool in miami
Oh, that's the life, right? Like that's think about that. Like if you were a super
Let's hypothetically you should be a shoe salesman hypothetically pfd if you were like a super horny guy
Yeah, okay. Hypothetically. I'm going to do some method acting
Done, right if you were a super super horny guy
like you would
Probably find a job that like could get you
You know looking at at women and being horny all the time, right?
Like if working for a website that posted like bikini shots or something like that. Yeah, I would I would
Um, I'm an editor for jt hypothetically. I would yes
So this guy he should work if he's a lawyer or whatever
He would trade it all in a heartbeat to work at footlocker. Yes. He should do it
He should absolutely or like a bowling alley
Watch okay, let me see those feet real quick. Well, I don't know the bowling alley
It's tough because it's all behind you
Yeah, you get very smelly. I think that most foot fetish guys probably have a smellier the better
Philosophy too where they like to smell them
I don't know. What do you think? Why are you guys laughing at that?
Yeah, hey, are you laughing at our laughing of a foot fetish? No, no our fetish is to make fun of the foot fetishes
I think bowling alley might be your best bet because it in
Guarantees that people have to take their socks off, right? You're getting the guaranteed flesh
Yeah, uh being a bartender at a sushi restaurant. Everyone takes their shoes off when they come and say socks. There it is
Socks are like your worst enemy. Yes. Our band socks. Yeah band socks socks. Yeah
He's he's burnt. He's like doing a sock burning
He's just buying them all up and burning. No shirt. No socks. No service less socks in this world. All right. That is our show
Great show. We got uh bill burrow on wednesday. Oh get excited get some great guests coming up
Uh, all right, let's pick numbers bill. You got a fact 99 eight 34
No, 35
The san francisco garter snake is very endangered and is worth to google
84
Randy moss
We're guys love you guys
Hank is the podcast up yet 84 now tide for five times the most ever with 52
Oh
She was a rich one and she had rich taste she felt the blood running through her vein
I'm
She liked the life she had she loved her big cats and the beauty of being
a
Needless to say
They was fine just as sweet as wine, but her husband went and disappeared
He
Got a little crazy you've got a little hazy and the cops said there's something wrong
Say I'm me
Oh, it's no better. It's you can say you can tell we're here
Don't
Hey
Are
You can't
Oh
It's part of my take presented by bar school sports
You