Pardon My Take - Mega Dungeons & Dragons and Stephen A Smith Is Horny Again

Episode Date: July 1, 2020

Happy Bobby Bonilla Day. We try to crunch the numbers on what we’d want as a payout like Bobby’s. (2:15-6:25) Stephen A Smith is horny again but this time he has a point. (6:26-15:35) Hot Seat Cool Throne including the guy who created a top 370 porn star list online. (16:20-31:15) We have our friend Timm Woods on the show for an hour plus of Dungeons and Dragons and the story takes quite the turn. (33:11-1:37:56) Reminder no show Friday,Takies MondayYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take, we have an extra-long Dungeons & Dragons saga. Tim joins us, and it is the best one we've done so far. We have shape-shifting characters by Hank, we have some inner drama, and some conclusion to what we're going to do with the dragon. So we have that, it is extra-long, it's awesome.

Get excited for that. We have a little NBA talk to start off. We have the guy who created a 370-person porn list that was not open to debate, so we're not going to get mad at a list, and much, much more. Before we get to all of that, part of my take is brought to you by the Cash App. Not only is it the easiest place to send money to your friends, it's the safest. Cash App is the number one social distancing app in the world, and of course, when you download the Cash App and enter their referral code, Barstool, you'll receive $10.

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Okay, let's go. We're going to take it higher, oh, we're going to take it higher, oh, we're going to take it higher, oh, we're going to take it higher, oh, we're going to take it higher, oh, we're Welcome to part of my take presented by the Cash App. Go download it right now. Use code Barstool. You get $10 for free, $10 to ASPCA. Today is Wednesday, Bobby Bonilla Day, the biggest day in all of sports.

Bobby Bonilla gets his $1,193,248,240. I can't do numbers anymore, $248 paycheck every July 1st, so happy to buy Bonilla. The ultimate flex, he still has like 14 years left on this thing, congratulations Bobby Bonilla Day. Big day for him. How many Virgil's is that? I was trying to do the math, but again, I'm not that good at division or multiplication. It's a lot of Virgil's.

Bobby Bonilla has an awesome contract, and I thought that once he's gotten to the fifth or sixth year when he was outside of baseball and still get paid, you'd see less of these contracts coming true, but the more MLB TV rights deals start to come in, the more you're seeing players push off and say, yeah, I'll take some deferred money coming down the line. It's a good deal. It's like when that scratch off millions per life or whatever it is. I would absolutely take a deal like that instead of giving me all the money straight up.

In fact, I would almost prefer that if you were to say like PFT, I'm going to give you either $20 million under 25th birthday, or I'm going to give you a million dollars a year until you're 50. I'm absolutely taking a million ton 50 because if I'm 25, I'm just going to like, I'm going to spend it like Billy football would. Yes. Just buy a shitload of jet skis. Just have like my own jet ski farm.

It's essentially just leaving. It's saving some for later. Saving that last bite of the sandwich for 10 years down the line when you know you'll probably need it. It actually, it's perfect that it's obviously happens every July 1st, but today, while we're sitting here recording this June 30th, Darren Williams actually got his last paycheck from the New Jersey Nets, now the Brooklyn Nets, and he hasn't played for them for five years. So I love these type of contracts where a guy keeps getting paid forever and I would

even do it more. If I was Bobby Bonilla, I would have gone even further. I would have been like half a million for 80 years. Fuck it. Just keep going forever and never had, and you could always just bank on it. Like that one day, he probably, he probably has like the biggest party in the month of June being like, guess what, July 1st, I get another paycheck and it's awesome and I'm rich again.

Oh yeah, you definitely have to get like a bouncy air castle and a clown and a dunk tank and everything. Like every July 1st, that's the biggest holiday of the year for you. What if you just got like $50,000 a year for the next, like however long it'd be 75 years so your kids would still be getting that contract after you were done? Like that'd be even better. Yeah. That math does not work out whatsoever though.

No, it doesn't. Yeah. $50,000 would have to be like 700 years or something like that. There you go. Grandkids, your great grandkids get it. Like actually all that would be ensuring is that your grandchildren are going to be like the laziest pieces of shit ever because they'll be like, even if you have like 20 grandkids, like I get my $4,000 a year coming in every July 1st, I don't need to get a job.

We just, we're so bad at math. We just went from Bobby Bonilla Day to talking ourselves into like, like the sixth year of our job at Progressive Insurance, like writing like, you know, underwriting auto insurance for people. Like that's like, what about like a $55,000 a year job? Yeah. Like real comfortable benefits. Like what about that?

That doesn't sound so bad. Yeah. It's like Dwight, Dwight's true $60,000 a year being a co-manager of a hotel in hell. That is really the dream for anybody. That's the American dream right there. Yes. All right. So that, that, that congratulations to Bobby Bonilla.

It's always great to have Bobby Bonilla Day. I, I'm unfortunate and it's unfortunate that Darren Ravel has co-opted Bobby Bonilla Day. I'm sure he'll have some treats. We need to remind Jake to get, he needs to tweet at 12.01 tonight. Make sure he gets that content going right away and also break it down a million different ways. All right. Mental note, Jake, when you get to this point, he listens before every show, make sure you

have a full list of things Bobby Bonilla Day could buy both yearly and for the, the length of his contract. I want the weirdest shit you can come up with. All right. So the other thing we have going on, finally, we have NBA players going to their facility, then getting ready to go to Orlando feels like it's still precarious. Feels like there's still, what's going to end up happening in my mind is that the teams that can actually win something are going to feel the full teams and you see a team

like the Nets that are just, it feels like everyone's dropping like flies because they don't really want to be there and get the shit kicked out of them by the bucks. But the big news today in the NBA is we finally have the elephant that's been in the room the whole time. Stephen A Smith addresses it head on and says it's going to be an issue with how horny everyone's going to get trying to get out of the bubble to hook up. And let me tell you, if there's an expert that can speak on this, it is Stephen A Smith who is self-admitted horny for hours on hours every day.

Well, a few hours, maybe not all day long, but a few hours of every day, not all day. He's not horny. That's why I wears the big pants so he can easily conceal an erection that he might have. It's tough to pitch a tent in like a tarp that's hanging around your belt like it's a hot air balloon draped around your waist. So yeah, Stephen A Smith, I think we talked about this in part of my take a couple of weeks ago. You were saying that the real problem was going to be there's no ice cream machine.

I was saying the real problem is we don't know the groupie situation. We need wind horse to go head to head against Stephen A Smith to have that debate on first take so we can finally get to the bottom of it. I don't like the body shaming you just did. No, I just. The horse looks good. His hair looks great. I'm not, I'm not saying that when horse, I'm not saying one way or another who's taking

which side. You just assumed that when horse will be taking the ice cream side, shame on you. We have because we talked about Stephen A Smith being horny, but it's a real thing. It's a real, it's a real, it's a real issue. Like there's no doubt about it. If you are a single NBA player and you're down inside that bubble for up to what a month and a half, maybe with no sort of a release, shall we say, there's going to be, there's going to be those letters passed around like there were in every single college dorm, which

ended up being fake saying like, we need you to stop masturbating because it's clogging up the showers. Credit to you by the way, uh, for keeping the dreams like, you know, any 12 year old who's listening to this show being like that, that qualifier, if, if it's a single NBA player, credit to you for that. Cause we know all married NBA players, they won't even think about it. It will be straight to the ice cream line. And Doug Christie said a model that will never be broken for NBA players in the early 2000s.

That's how these guys operate. One woman at a time. Yeah. Hank, were you going to say something? No, I was just curious, like, what would you like, how would you solve this issue? Because you know, if you like realistically they should, I don't know what would you do? What would you do? It's very easy.

Fixed Hank, same thing as the Korean baseball association did. You get sex dolls in the stands. So every player gets to pick one like their Alice Cooper at a concert back in like the late seventies and they just point to their bodyguard at the end of every game. They're like, I want that one to come backstage. It would be funny, similar to a bowl grab bag when you go play in like the PlayStation bowl and they give you a pair of sunglasses and a cheap watch and they're like, Hey, here's basically the same thing is getting paid.

If every single NBA player got like a flashlight and some lube and a browser's password and was like, Hey, here's how we keep, here's how we stay safe, everyone. Good job. Should money too. Yeah. That's true. That's true. Maybe a camp.

Yeah, maybe that's what they meant. Like movie night. It's just cam. So tonight and everyone, like it's like, everyone just kind of sits there. They give everyone their own blanket and they sit and watch, watch a cam girl at night. That's how the only only fans on their back, that's their sign of I don't so high seat is just whoever wins the game of oaky cookie in the community television room. What would you guys say?

If you had to, if you had to guess June 30th, what percentage that there will be a full basketball like re like like from exactly how there's haven't scheduled a hundred percent because I'm not willing to doubt myself now. It's the only thing that I've got pulling me forward to the end of the month. So I call me delusional call me insane, but I think it's a hundred percent going to happen. I won't hear any evidence to the contrary or anything that might make me change my mind because I don't want to go down that dark road. I think it's going to happen.

Ten percent. Ten percent. I think it's going to happen because they're very adamantly trying to make it happen. Like it seems like Adam Silver's like we need to bring it back. Well, here's the thing, Hank, like I don't think they're going to be deterred by a couple positive tests. I think it's going to be weird. I think there's going to be guys that are going to miss time.

I think there's going to be teams that look like skeleton crews. By the way, Sam Decker still could play. So maybe it's one of these teams signed Sam Decker for a couple of days. I don't know. Just an idea. But I think they're going to get it. We're going to have basketball at the end of July. Do you think that maybe there's some, but there's going to make it to the finals?

Like what? What happens to the nuggets? What if that happens in the middle of the season? It gets easier. That's where it gets interesting. Once one team starts to have a bunch of players that have to sit out for a while, at what point does Adam Silver say, okay, we're canceling this whole operation? Because then at that point, you're going to get all the conspiracy theories coming out

and saying they're just canceling it because LeBron's not going to make the finals. They can't count of your words anyway. No, it doesn't. Absolutely. Just not account. They, I think they're going to, they're going to power through it. Like I think if you, if you have a team, it gets easier, obviously, as you get further down the line, because there's less teams, there's less play personnel, everything gets

easier when there's like four teams left. And I think when we talk about guys like leaving the bubble, I don't think it's the guys that are playing for a championship that you have to worry about. I think it's the guys that know that they're going to have a Smith is going to be in the Lakers. I understand, but they're going to get the shit kicked out of them when they like in the first round by the Lakers or the Clippers or the Bucks. And they're like, why the fuck am I here?

Why the hell am I like trying to sit inside all night and play Xbox and like watch Disney movies? And I think it's the guys that are going to be like, fuck this. Stay woke. Spencer Dinwiddy comes down with COVID the day after he says that he was going to wear trillion on the back of his jersey to bring awareness to the national debt crisis. Stay. Which I still don't really understand.

That's like been one of those things since I was in second grade. That's fun money. Yeah. Like people are making clocks showing how big the national debt is getting. And it's like, well, next year, this is going to come due and we're all going to be in a lot of trouble. It's like putting on a credit card. The way I've always assumed how the national debt works is that, uh, what do we owe it

to China? Do we owe it to China? We owe it to a lot of people. Okay. So whoever we owe it to, the China's like our bookie and they basically are saying, we'd rather you just keep playing than try to collect all this money because it's gotten too, too far, uh, you know, past where we can get it. So yeah, that's all that's happening.

We have a Bobby Bonilla contract with the nation of China right now where we owe them a certain amount of money. It's a small amount of money that we have to owe them every single year. As long as we keep those payments going, then we can keep betting against the spread. Yeah. What were you going to say? Hank, last point. Well, last point.

Are you recording? I don't think you are. I am recording. Are you sure? I'm recording audio. Oh, I'm not recording. I'm recording the video. I see you.

I see. I see. No, I see you recording in your video. Oh shit. I'm not recording video and are you recording video? I'm not recording. Yeah. I have the backup where it's like gallery view.

So it's all. I didn't, I didn't record. Audio. I don't see you recording. Me? Yeah. I'll just make a chair. Do I need to start?

Mine says recording. Should I start recording audio on quick time or no? Probably not at this point. Okay. Um, you can keep all this in. That was great. Behind the scenes. Stay woke part two, um, two Lakers players tested positive for Corona and they never

reported to, and they reported pretty much every other player who's tested positive. I kind of like this. We should start, you know, what they should do if there's not going to have, if we're not going to have a season, they should let us start betting on these things. They should let us start betting on who tested positive and that will be its own sport where it's just instead of sports, sports are now just getting a hundred celebrities or athletes in a room and just betting on who would get Corona virus. Okay.

So I think that's not a bad new sport. We need to, we need to flip it because we don't want to, we don't want to be rooting for people to get sick or not. We just need to flip it and say, I'm going to bet on who's not going to get the virus. That's fine. I don't care. Yeah. I don't care how we phrase it.

I just think that's a good new sport. You watch them. You could be, it's basically like watching reality television like big brother with celebrities and then the gamble is who will stay Corona virus free. Yeah. I'm putting all my money on Tom Brady because even if he gets it, he's not going to admit that he has it. And if he gets it, he's going to just, he drinks so much water that it's just not going

to affect him. He wouldn't admit that he had it and he would be like the super, super, super spreader and be like, I'm fine. I'm totally fine. He's like, I'm fine. I drank six gallons of water today and I haven't eaten a strawberry since I was four. There's no chance I haven't. All right.

Let's get to our hot seat cool throne and then we will get to Dungeons and Dragons. I can't miss Dungeons and Dragons. By the way, no show Friday, no show Friday, Monday will be our takies. We have recorded a bunch of the takies. Get excited for that Monday. The takies. So hot seat cool throne is brought to you by Bud Light Seltzer. Try it for yourself and see why the great taste of Bud Light Seltzer is putting all others

on the hot seat. 4th of July is coming up and we know you need some ice cold Bud Light and Bud Light Seltzer. So remember to use code PMT on Drizzly to get $5 off your first purchase of Bud Light Seltzer delivered right to your door. That is Drizzly PMT code PMT Bud Light Seltzer. Thank you to Bud Light Seltzer. Okay. Hot seat cool throne, Hank.

My hot seat is Gus Dugarton. So stay, stay woke. Once again, you know, I'm not a tin foil hack guy, but I'm just going to say these two things happened the same day. Coincidence. I'll let, I'll let the people decide. But this morning, this was a real news, like real life news breaking at least three members of the Toledo City Council have been taken into custody by federal law enforcement officers.

So far the FBI is unwilling to comment, except to say it is an ongoing matter, which is interesting because you know, a lot of people said like coach, coach Doug was at all these power five schools. Why would he go back to Toledo? It didn't make a lot of sense. And then a few hours later from our darling Jake Marsh tweeted, Justin, preliminary reports suggest head coach Gus Dugarton dealt with a serious health square earlier this morning. It is not expected to be life threatening, but his status for tonight's coaching carousel

may be in jeopardy. Here's tuition coach dogs, a speedy recovery. Hmm. Okay. So by this time, the time you're listening to this, the news is already broken. Gus Dugarton has had a heart attack. He is on life support. He's had a heart attack in reality.

So that's, that's what's happening in the video game world in reality. I realized that we finally have a vacation. We haven't had a vacation on a really long time and also sports are coming. Hank excluding sports are coming back in July. So we're going to have like no July or August break really either. So I'm going to Gus Dugarton is going to be in the hospital till Sunday night, Sunday night. We're going to get back into it.

Take a break. Always good to take a break. Take a step back. Just chill out for a second. I may hop on a stream. I know the dozens are playing a trivia game on Wednesday night on the part of my take Twitch. What's it called?

No, that's right. I like that. It doesn't, but it's a programming change. It's going to be Wednesday at the regularly scheduled time at 11 and 11 a.m. on. Yeah, it's going to be a periscope and it's going to perfect beyond the normal channels. Okay. So that's happening. So I may hop on and do some fuck around on a Twitch if I feel like it, but I needed

a break. I need to just chill out for a second. The Toledo bribery scandal. Have I ever told you guys the time that I like there was a when I worked in real estate in Chicago and they, there was a bribery scandal, which happens like every year in Chicago government, but in the department of buildings. And it was like, like one of the people I worked with all the time to get permits from was wrapped up in it.

I can't tell you the disappointment that someone you can feel when you realize you could have been bribing someone to get things done quicker and you're like, weren't I like, my top liver. Do you think that you maybe missed some of the signals when they were asking for bribes and you just weren't cool enough to pick up on it? Cause that would be, that would be, would it be worse for me? I'd be living in fear that like I put off vibes that I'm not probable. Honestly, I probably is. It's actually very similar to the time that Hank, Hank was with me when, when Hank, Dave

and I went to the, uh, to the breeder's cup with Wes Welker. And then the next year it came out that he was doing ecstasy at the Kentucky Derby. And I was like, so we're clearly squares, like you didn't offer us any X. So, uh, that hurt my feelings, but this one really hurt my feelings. Cause I, I remember the woman I worked with all the time and she was caught up in it. And my boss was like, had to sit me down and be like, you weren't bribing anyone. Right. And I was like, no, but I fucking wish I was cause it's a pain in the ass.

How long I had to sit in line every day with the department of buildings. So I don't know, Toledo's going through it. It's, I'm sure someone's going through what I'm feeling, what I felt back in the day when it's like, damn, I could have, I could have had my job be a lot easier. Yeah. When I was working in, in software down in Austin, Texas, one of our clients was a, uh, a government organization that weighed and manufactured and one didn't manufacture, but they weighed and packaged and distributed peanuts.

It was like a big agricultural client and they got in trouble because they were getting kickbacks from all the different vendors that they were doing business with. I was pissed off because I was a salesperson and I knew that I could have charged a lot more, our rates could have been way, way higher just with the understanding that I would give them money back on the other side. I missed out on a shitload of commissions, but thankfully I've never got rid by the FBI, but that is cool. That's very cool to like be working in an office environment and have a bunch

of FBI agents, as long as they're wearing those blue windbreakers with the yellow writing, like storm in through the doors. That's the awesome situation to find yourself. The story, the moral of the story is being a good person is good, except for the moments when you feel like you really missed out on some fun. Yeah. Right. I'm happy with the choices I made there, but there was that momentary like, fuck.

Like I could have fucking my life. You miss out on the adrenaline rush and a lot of thrill. That's the real thing is like, I could have found yourself. I could have worn a wire for the government to capture everyone. That would have been thrilling too. Dude, you could have gone into witness protection. That'd be sweet. Maybe they sent you somewhere tight like Hawaii.

Yeah, that would have been awesome. All right, Hank, what's your cool throne? My cool throne is curb, curb your enthusiasm. Greenlit for 11 season. I know big cat, you didn't necessarily like the last season as much. I thought it was, it was probably the best recent season of the last like two or three. And I think Larry David with Corona is going to be amazing. It got better towards the end.

I just thought there were some of the, some of the episodes were like almost parody of curb that they were so curb, whereas like 16 different things were happening, right? You know what I mean? And also there's something about curb, like peak curb. You could, you knew kind of what was happening, but you also like got stunned a little by the cringe this last season. It's like, you know exactly how everything's going to play out before you

know what's going to get cringy. Yeah. Right. Right. But I think the Corona, Corona layer, David, like there's no, there's no better wheelhouse for that guy. Yes. Yes.

I would just like to see it come back for real sex, real sex and taxi cab confessions. If you guys never watched taxi cab confessions, that was an awesome show. Yeah, it was, it was amazing. Well, no, it's totally different. Hank, this one, it's like people in the back of a cab in New York and they say the most embarrassing shit and they start doing the most embarrassing shit. And then when they get out of the cab, they're like, Hey, could you sign

release saying that it's okay for us to put this on TV? They're like, Sure, go ahead. All right. They should do that for Uber, Uber confessions. That was back when people like didn't TV wasn't like, if you said, Oh yeah, go ahead, put me on HBO. There's a chance that like 75% of your family and friends never saw it. Hmm.

So it's also back in the day when porn wasn't super widespread. So anything you got that like maybe you saw a bra or a knee, you're like, Yeah, this is this will this is enough to do the trick for me right now. Right. All right. What's what's your hot seat cool throne PFT? My hot seat is firecrackers. So New York is dealing with an explosion of firecrackers and fireworks.

They've been going off every single night for like the last three weeks. Somebody threw an M80 outside my house a couple of weeks ago. And it was really I didn't realize how loud an M80 really was. But it sounded like a real life explosion out there. So but they're on the hot seat because although they've been kind of annoying for the last couple of weeks, I did some digging into the kind of volume of sales and the expected rate of sales of fireworks over the course of any given year. They produce enough fireworks to be able to get you through the fourth of July.

So right now people have bought up so many fireworks and use enough of them already that there's not going to be enough left over for the fourth, at least in New York City. True. So it could be like a calm ish, a calmer than normal fourth of July in New York City, which should be that'll be kind of eerie to begin with. But yeah, it's like every single night there's it's just like one explosion after the other outside my window is crazy. Yes. Yes. I it's every it's like two in the morning, like clockwork here, the fireworks. And I believe all of the threads about them, the fireworks, they're like.

The government's probably lighting them, police are lighting them, trying to confuse us. I don't know. But all I know is I hear a lot of fireworks. Correct. My other hot seat is the Buffalo Bills because 60 of their 88 players are from outside of New York State in states that have newly enacted quarantine policies for people flying into New York. So whenever the bills start to practice, they're going to have to wait like two weeks to get most of their team out there on the field.

So between that and also getting the other Josh Allen, Cam Newton in the division, this is going to be a very tricky offseason, tricky training camp set up for the bills. They got to circle the wagons ahead of time right now. Yes. I'm the bills. I mean, the FCS now it becomes one of the most interesting divisions in all football with Cam Newton going to the Patriots. But the bills, just like the fact that bills could win a division like thinking about the bills, winning a division, having a home playoff game.

Hank is now shaking his head. It's exciting to think about. I mean, we have Cam Newton now. I don't know if you guys have heard the news. Cam Newton is basically Josh Allen, though. How many wins do you think the Patriots will have this year now? 12. Wow. That's no step back.

I don't know. I don't know about that, Hank. 12. I think they are a favorite right now. Antonio Brown, I feel like there's like a I feel like there is some type of like Brady versus Belichick rivalry going on where like they're trying to like really put on for this season. You think that they would resign Antonio Brown? That would be hilarious. Wombardi said that he's hearing it.

I like he's hearing it. Oh, my God. Brady would be so mad. No, no, no. The Bucks. Oh, I thought he wanted Brown. That would be incredible if the Patriots resigned Antonio Brown. It was like, you know what, enough time to pass. They should resign him and then trade him to the bills again.

Yes, yes. See if it works out the second time. My cool throne is John Elway because he just turned, I forget, like 60 years old or something like that. But I don't know what packed what blood oath was signed by every member of the NFL media that said that they had to wish John Elway a happy 60th birthday. But literally everybody did. Like I've never seen this many people just come out of the woodwork to wish

to wish a single general manager or owner or any sort of team employee like happy happy birthday. But everybody bent the knee for John Elway and was like, hey, hey, John, just so you know, wishing you happy birthday. I got your back. Yep. Yep. I mean, John Elway is is love for although, I don't know. We'll see if he if he can't if the Broncos are never good again under his

watch, does he lose? That's why you never should take that type of job. I know he won one like in the front office, but you could basically ruin it. You got to just kind of ride off into the sunset and be the legend and never take any risk with the organization again. I don't know. So your reputation, I'm a true luck believer. And my other cool throne, uh, in addition to John Elway, how many you got?

Okay. I'll pass on this and I'll let you go because I know you have some good ones. What do you got? No, go ahead. Okay. All right. I'll go ahead. My house.

I'll go ahead. My hot seat is big man. My hot seat is big Ben. Big Ben's on the hot seat because he just came out as a porn addict. And then, uh, Monday night, we've got one of the all time tweets, Twitter threads ever, uh, Liam, not our Liam, but at simp pilgrim tweeted top 370 porn stars, parentheses, not up for debate. And then he went and listed 370 porn stars according to his rankings, which

is not up to debate. And, uh, just sometimes you got to just tip your cap and be like, man, the internet, that was good. Like that was good with that guy just did. And I just feel bad for guys like big Ben who are recovering porn addicts who see something like this and probably see a lot of names they've never seen before and, uh, you know, maybe find love again online. Now we're sure that this wasn't written by big Ben.

That was my first thought is like good list. Rathaus burger. I appreciate it. Uh, and it was only female porn stars, right? Correct. Correct. So I, I would imagine I would actually like to see what big Ben's best male porn star list is because you know, he's got favorites.

I got like big Ben has got to like admire the stroke of a Peter North. Or I bet when he first saw like the Milf Hunter videos, he probably sent text to all his friends and it was like, you guys got to check this out. This guy's game is so smooth. He just goes into a grocery store and boom, he just gets women to come home and sleep with them. It's awesome. Dude, he just, he just drives around in his bus and in Fox chicks and his boss.

It's so it's real too. It's crazy. It's always crazy. How would you feel if you were a porn star that didn't get put on this list? Well, I think you could, you could spin zone it and be like, Hey, I'm unranked, but, uh, you know, I got, I got years to go. I think if you're a young, younger porn starting on the list, you can spin it. If you're older and your time has passed, it might hurt a little bit, but he also,

he's clearly got some bias here. Again, we're not going to argue. All I'll say is Shiloh styles at three 54 and Lisa Ann at 94 is absolutely atrocious, but again, not going to argue, not going to argue. We're not going to argue about, but yeah, Lisa Ann at 94, like the committee got that one wrong. That's just, that's, that's awful. Right.

That's like a, that's one of those. When we, when we got mad about the NFL 100 list, like even if you, even if you missed her heyday, you got to put her in like, even if we didn't see why it didn't play, you got to know that he meant something to the game. Right. She changed the game or a hundred percent. I thought that was a little bit disrespectful and it did skew towards the East coast as well, but that's expected.

All right. So that's why I'd see, I just, I fucking would love to talk to this guy. I don't actually, I probably wouldn't. He is his Twitter bio is captain of team America, future suspended user. So at least he's self aware. Um, all right. My yeah, he's best observed from a distance, like a Monet panning. Yeah.

My cool throne is Ezekiel Elliott because he got caught on, uh, was a live stream Twitch saying, um, I'm so faded right now. Our low key faded. Yeah. Yeah. He like, he like walked off stream, uh, relatable moment. He walked off stream, forgot to mute his mic and you can just hear him clearly like smoking a blunt.

Yeah. Well, no, that's who was talking allegedly. He came out and said he was talking about drinking. So, uh, people like you and the fake news media Hank. Sorry, that's just not how it worked. Yeah. Uh, sorry, Ezekiel, relatable moment though. I actually left my mic on for like 16 hours the other day.

Uh, I left my house and, and Hank was like, yo, I think you just left everything on. And I was like, Oh, well, that sucks. I'm not going to be home for 12 hours. So a lot of Stella barking in my son crying. That's pretty much it. Yeah. I did that the other day when I was finishing up with the desk. I just sat down on my couch and left everything on and people were like, I

think PFT is doing a bit right now. I was just like laying there talking to my dog about how mad I was that my Chinese food didn't get there. Yeah, no bit. Um, all right. That is our hot seat cool thrones. Let's get to Tim Woods all time, all time, all time Dungeons and Dragons episode. Again, reminder, no show on Friday, but we'll be back on Monday with a take his

awards. So be safe and all that. And PFT, who do we got before Tim Woods? Before we get to Tim Woods, it's me on these time. You know that we love me on these. I wear me on these every single day that I'm wearing underwear. That's just a fact. It's the only pair of underwear that I currently own.

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It is our very, very, very good friend, Tim Woods, our Dungeon Master, ready to run us through our Dungeons and Dragons game, which is, I think we are now in the third chapter. Is it third or fourth, fourth chapter? This might be the fourth chapter after the fourth chapter of our campaign. So for people who missed it, go back and listen, they're electric. But if you if you want to get caught up real quick, Tim is going to do that force. He's going to set the scene.

He's going to tell us everyone who they are, where we're at, what's going on. Tim, the floor is yours. Absolutely. So so far, our adventure has been highly successful in the village of Greenist. Our caravan had pulled up only to find the village under attack. And after interrogating some cobalds and fighting some cultists on the way to the central keep in this village, we kind of managed to find out that this town had been under attack by red robed cultists who were trying

to grab every piece of treasure that they could get their hands on in this village. And we did come up with a little bit of a scheme once we reached the castle to use a big pot of chili stew in order to lure the cult's dragon minion to the castle. And once it arrived, this great mighty blue dragon, Lennathon, had been disgusted with the castle that she saw. We started launching a tax against her and trying to convince her in different ways and use a couple of different strategies to see if we could do something

to this dragon. And we did succeed in annoying her enough to the point where when Berserker Billy, the war cleric Goliath, had made a critical hit to talk to this dragon and convince this dragon to let him climb onto her back and to fly away from this castle and to stop helping these cultists. When that happened, the dragon took off. The cultists were like, yeah, wait, what? And got very upset once they saw their dragon, their big artillery flying away with one of these adventurers from the castle.

And then the last moment had been the dragon kind of leaning back and saying, all right, rock man, let's talk. And it's clear that you've had some influence over this dragon, Berserker Billy, but the dragon is by no means on our side just yet, but is listening to you at the moment. And that was the state of play where we ended things last time. And as I get kind of letting us know where we are right now, I'd also want to announce some congratulations are in order because we are officially level two now.

Let's go. Leveled up after defeating that. I love it. Now we are a level two character. Yes. All right. It's one better. All right.

I want to know what's going on with level two. But before we get to level two, am I just so we were set, I'm still stronger than Billy, right? I guess that depends on, you know, having some influence over a dragon is certainly powerful, but also extremely risky. I would say you're both level two. You're both going to be pretty equally powerful, more or less. But OK, one had to be stronger than the other. Well, well, this is this is an interesting point because you we had highlighted

that your strength is slightly higher. I think it worked. Say no more. Yes. In terms of the strength stat, your strength is certainly that's OK. He's he's like Danny Targaryen. If you take away his dragon, he's nothing. He's good.

Yeah. I'm not saying Billy's not strong. It's just that I am stronger. OK. All right. So what happens with level two? Absolutely. So speaking of strength, Norm the Barbarian, when you hit level two, your ability that you gain is a very simple one. It's called a reckless attack.

Whenever you want, you can kind of go crazy and go full offense with your weapon and you get to roll to 20s and take the higher number when you attack somebody. But if you choose the reckless attack option, then any attacks against you, that turn also get the same advantage for them. So you're going full offense. No defense is what you do when you do a reckless attack. OK. I like that. So I'm like the Oklahoma Sooners.

You might not get that reference, but yeah, that's fine. That's we have a sense. Absolutely true, though. And then Wayne, Wayne the Bard, your ability that you're going to be gaining at level two, you gained a new spell. And the spell I chose for you is called unseen servant. You summon a little air elemental, a creature of pure air that nobody can see. And it can fly around and pick things up for you.

It can't really attack. It only has one hit point, but nobody can see it. And so you can get up to a lot of mischief with your unseen servant. I have an imaginary friend. It's an imaginary friend precisely right. Exactly. And it can pick up small things. This is in addition to the spells you already had, like disguise self to change your shape so that you look like somebody else.

And hideous laughter where you can make somebody just start laughing uncontrollably. Oh, I like that one. What about this small guy that flies around? He said he can pick up small objects and bring them back to me. How how small are we talking about here? Because it sounds like what you're describing is just like a drug runner for me. Basically, he can definitely carry like coins, small pouches, things like that. So for smuggling things, this creature is ideal for carrying bricks.

Not so great. It's kind of like what about a kilo? Like could he carry a kilo of something? There's there's a certain amount, but a kilo, I would say is the perfect size. OK, I got I got a random question, Tim, that just popped in my head. Do you accept Bitcoin when you do these? Dungeon I can't master. Dungeon Mastering session.

I I've never been offered Bitcoin, but I'm supposing now that you say it, I wouldn't turn it down. Let's get that going. Yeah, we want to start paying you Bitcoin. I absolutely love that. Yeah, twice as nice. Yes. All right. So who else? So we also have Hank, Hank, absolutely. Hank, the abilities that you would gain are, first of all, you have a mask

of many faces, which is the same ability Wayne has. You can now shape shift so that you create an illusion around you of someone else that you have seen and you can disguise yourself just as well as the bard now. But you also gain a new spell called hellish rebuke. When someone attacks you, you can shoot a dirty look at them and narrow your eyes and they'll just burst into flames like a nasty look. Like your mom, like when your mom's pissed off at you. That's so perfect, because that is Hank, Hank, Hank can kill you with his looks.

I figured that would be appropriate. You can just like any time you attack, they attack you. You can just shoot them a look. You they burst into flames and it's a response attack that you don't have to use your turn to lay on somebody else's. I love it. I love it. So perfect. All right. And Billy and then Berserker, Billy, you are a war priest. And I wanted to let you know that you now have the war priest abilities

where two times per day, you can swing your hammer and then get just a free extra attack for your bonus action. So if you swing, you can swing again. The only limit is you can only do that two times per day right now. Then you have another ability you just gained called guided strike. That's where you call upon your war god and you just add a plus 10 to whatever you just rolled on a particular attack. Nice. You can only do that once per day.

So that's a one shot for a really important attack in theory with your big hammer. But I also wanted to highlight, I actually looked up gods in the Goliath pantheon. And in theory, the war god that you follow, the most popular Goliath deity would be Kavaki, the Ram Lord. So unless you want to go through some other options, Kavaki, the Ram Lord is not just the god of Goliaths in general. He is the god of competition and games as well. And every game that Goliaths play within their society.

And there are many of them such as Goatball and a few other games. He is the patron of all of those games. You care a lot about competition, whether it's in war or just for fun. Just highlighting that that's Kavaki's role. Jesus, Tim did his research. Yeah, so Bill, all of our personalities. Billy's god is essentially just a commissioner of football. Yeah, he basically.

So he gave, he gave Hank the looks, which he does. He gave me air dugs, all offense. He gave Billy being just obsessed with competition. And he gave drug guy PFT the ability to smuggle. You're fucking smart, Tim. Good job, Tim. You disguise yourself as well. I figured these these were important piece of information.

And all credit goes to the designers of the different D&D books. They all came up with a whole. There's 13 different Goliath gods you could have picked from. I just figured the god of competition seems a very appropriate. So this just, yeah, for Billy, yeah, finds a way, huh, Tim? And, and, and that's all your level two abilities, everybody. So congratulations. You did get extra hit points, which are going to be very important today, I think.

But those are the most important abilities that you would have gained. And that with that, I would also let us know that we know where things kind of left off last time. But I also want to say that in the castle, since the dragon flew away, we're seeing the cultists got really upset, but they are still trying to surround the castle right now. We see them forming a line around the castle, a kind of siege line starting to form of red robed figures, elves, humans and dwarves,

all pointing swords and bows up at us and cobalts in their number, as well as some of these big lizard looking dog creatures, as well as there's a big pile of the town's treasure that they have piled up behind their defensive line. And they've kind of formed an encircling group of army around that kind of treasure pile as well. We are also seeing that someone is being brought forward from out of the crowd. She is being carried on a big chair, a palanquin being carried by four cultists. And she has the nicest cultist robes you've seen.

She's wearing a golden mask made of pure gold with all these tendrils coming off of it, and she points up at you at the castle, at least the people who are in the castle right now, and then prisoners are being brought forth. Villagers who are tied up at their hands, and it seems like cobalts are poking them with spears and ushering them forward. And there is this big knight on the wall who is like the leader of the town guard, obviously, here, or some kind of big important muckety muck in his big plate mail with a huge sword.

And he seems to be pointing down and trying to assess what's going on out there. So now that we're in a new situation, I want to say that today we would start by rolling a new initiative. So the first things everyone is going to do is going to roll a D20 and add their dexterity bonus to this. The dexterity bonus for Wayne would be plus two. For Norm, it would also be a plus two. In fact, everybody here has a plus two, except for Berserker Billy.

You have a minus one loser, unfortunately. You're more about strength than dexterity. Everybody else has a plus two on this. That's why you're a wide receiver now. I got a 15. Fifteen total after the plus two. No, I got a 15. Fifteen. So you got a 17 total. Love it.

I got a nine. All right. A nine. And then is that before your plus two? That is before my plus two. So I have 11. Before the plus two, you got an 11. Awesome. Norm got you down. And Berserker Billy, how did you do?

I got a four. Four and you have a minus one on this. So unfortunately, that's a three for Berserker Billy. This is exciting because you're the one on dragon back. So on your turn, we're going to see exactly what happens with the dragon. But how did the earlick do? How did you hang? Tim, we're going to actually have Jake sit in because Hank has to attend to a minor emergency.

So Jake's going to sit in and he's going to be Hank for a few minutes here. So Jake, you roll. Jake's going to sit down. Put on the 20 and you're going to add a plus two to whatever number you roll. Say to the mic. Say to the mic. Nineteen. Nineteen. Jake, all right. It's never coming back. Wait. Is this what is like what you just said?

Hank has many faces now and he can change looks. That's what he's done. Good call. Now he's Jake. Yes. He just changes his appearance and even his voice changes with this illusion. I love it. OK, it sounds like with a 19 on the die, that with a plus two would be a 21. Is that right? Yep.

That's earlick. Love it. So new thing. So first of all, earlick would be going first in our teams initiative, followed by Wayne, then Norm, then Berserker, Billy, but I will be I have already rolled for the monsters who are around here. So I'll be interrupting our in between our turns with what they do. And the first person to go is actually that big night on the wall.

You are realizing that this night is definitely actually not from this town. He's a visitor, same as you, but he seems like he is strong and authoritative and he's taking control of the situation. So right now we all see all of our characters would see him approaching earlick on the walls and he seems to speak in a kind of rough voice with a thick accent. And he says, hey, listen, we got to we got to see what's going on out there. We got some troops out there, some prisoners. We got to see what's going on.

And this night seems like he has an insignia on his shoulder. It looks like an insignia of a cat of some kind. And he is approaching earlick right now. But earlick would be more than welcome to talk to him if we want to talk for earlick right now, otherwise any of us could approach this night. Talking to him is a free action. You don't have to do it on our. Does love you want to talk to him?

Hanks get away with the felines. I'm allergic to cats. Oh, oh, no, oh, no. And that is so. Oh, my God, that is so. That's so you can interview him. Can can you approach him like you're doing a sideline interview? Hold your nose and interview me.

I just took a Zyrtec, too. OK, perfect, perfect. He's good. Yeah. And in fact, earlick would be super good at interviewing people. He has a charisma bonus of plus two. So roll a d 20 plus two if you're trying to interview this guy and find out who is this night. It seems to be on our side. He's inside the castle 13.

There you go. 13. Nice. With a plus two, then you got a 15 total. And with a 15, he's going to start answering your questions. But first, he introduces himself. He extends a gauntlet at hand and he flips up his visor. And you see this guy is definitely built. He's a strong looking older dude.

He extends a hand. He says, sir, sir, Sir Orgerton, Sir Orgerton, pleasure to meet you. You can just call me sir. Oh, sir. Oh, it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm taking command of this whole situation. And I'm seeing a lot of cultists outside of here right now. This is Coach Oh, this is Coach Oh, this is Coach Oh, we've asked. We met Coach Oh and Dungeons and Dragons.

Yeah. So Jake asked a question, right? Seems like Sir Orgerton. Yeah. What do you want? I mean, you you're you're a journalist. Come on. Yeah. So, Coach Oh, coming off that big title. Ask him a question about D&D, though. Yeah, no time for that. No time for my I have a illustrious career.

I've done a great job of all of my work. But it's right now and they've got prisoners and I know some information about this cult. All right. He's got a game plan. Find out what is he just trying to do it. Like talk about the game. Yeah. Yeah. Well, let's talk. Come on. Let's reframe this. Yeah. This is a pregame interview.

So let's find out what his tactics are for his plane of attack. Get some bullets in board material, Jake. All right. What are you? What are your opponent's biggest weaknesses? Mm hmm. Good, Jake. He says, well, you got rid of the dragon. That was the number one thing. We're really glad he got rid of that dragon. I see it flying away. Perfect.

This is great. And any gestures that is insignia and you can tell it's some kind of a strange cat on his shoulder, can't tell exactly what. And he goes, go ligers, go ligers. And you do know you've heard of ligers. They are magical beings in the world of D&D. Kind of a cross between a tiger and a lion, you think, but they have magical powers. And he is telling you that the weakness of this cult right now,

without their dragon, their weakness would be the leadership. If we can eliminate the leadership, then this cult is not going to want to stick around in this village. Most of them are cowards, just random cultists who probably are just being pushed into working here, attacking this village. And if we took out the high priestess, that would definitely get them to flee. Unfortunately, it looks like she's pretty well protected right now. And as he's gesturing down and pointing out her defenses, he says, I'm really worried about that one right there.

And he points out to Erlich that there is one particular armored figure who has a helmet on, but the helmet is not human shaped. It is not a human face hidden under that metal helmet. It is some kind of a snout, some kind of almost dragon like face. And they are almost as tall as Berserker Billy, but not quite as tall as Berserker Billy, but closer to his height than anyone else. So that is this big armored warrior who has a great sword on their back. And Sir Ogerton is pointing out this individual to Erlich.

Oh, interesting. And in theory, Erlich, that was your move, perhaps. You still have an action if you want to cast a spell or if you want to talk to coach, oh, sir, oh, some more or whatever you want to do here. I'm liking this coach over. OK, so let's let's continue with that. OK, so what are you going to do? You can roll another persuasion check.

If you want to interview him some more, ask what else he might know, get some more questions out of him, but roll a d20 plus two. How do you do on that? I rolled the 19. Jake, let's go. Oh, that is a 21 total. You are absolutely going to get whatever other information out of him you want. He is also going to say you need my help in any way.

Just let me know. And he is going to be like listening to Erlich, which is a little known warlock. This is a show of faith on Sir O's part. But if you need him to jump into combat at any point, he's got a big, great sword of his own, and he could definitely do some damage and take some hits. OK, OK, you have questions for him or requests you want to make of him? I'm thinking listening to you right now. I'm thinking maybe we got to figure out a way to attack this person that's

protecting the priestess, right? We got to find out what that guy. Yeah, what's what's that guy's Achilles heel? Yeah, that one particular guy. Right. What's what's what's the best tactic to take this fellow down? Absolutely. He'll Sir O will know this. He looks at that warrior and he says, I recognize a champion when I see one.

That person wants to have a duel right now with somebody. I see it in there and he kind of looks under the helmet a little bit. I see it in their eyes. This person there wants to have a duel with somebody and they are bound by their lawful nature that they won't break their word. But then Coach O looks at you and says, people's lives are on the line. If you need to trick this person in some way, you should do it because they want to have a fight with someone that's like a fair fight.

And I don't think that's advisable. I think that we should hedge our bets a little bit if we can in some way. So he's letting you know that we can we could probably trick this person very easily this champion. OK, OK. And that would be good information that you're getting early at this point. Wayne, we'd be up to your turn and you can see that these prisoners are still getting pushed forward, but just as your turn is starting, I want to say that this

champion, this big armored figure steps forward and then removes his helmet. It's obvious that his face is a blue dragon's face with a horn in the center of his forehead, kind of like a rhino, but with a horn pushed further up and he's got a mouthful of jagged white teeth and it looks like on the edge of his mouth. There's a crackling of lightning a little bit as he coughs and he removes the helmet and and draws his greatsword and points it up at the walls. And he says, a duel, a duel to whoever your greatest challenger that would face me is for the lives of these prisoners.

If you win, they will be spared. No, if I win, no more blood need be shed. You will give us your treasure. OK, you know what? Oh, strong guy. You know what? I kind of I want to accept his challenge, but the obvious move is to send big cash. Yeah, that's obvious. You don't want to lose my power. We don't want to lose that because then we're stuck with Billy as a strong guy.

He's considerably weaker than you are. Send the strong guy. I think. Yeah, you're right. Is it? No, no, no, no. That would be very funny to have Hank come back into the office and he's dead. Yeah, but no, this is you're absolutely right. You don't want you don't want to show your best play on first down. Our biggest play.

Yeah, we want to set it up. We want to set up the run here. Right. So maybe we can either send our berserker in. No, just go one on one. Or he said that he's liable to get tricked so we can think of a way to trick him. Can we all get on each other's shoulders and then put on a trench coat and then say, yeah, we're the one that's going to fight you. It's me, us.

I will say that the spell disguise self might help you a lot there. I let you use it to make yourself look like the upper half of somebody. Then Ehrlich could make well, he's a gnome. He would go on top in theory. He could use his disguise self spell to make himself look like the other half of somebody and that would be even more effective than a big coat or something like that. Okay. So it would just be myself and Ehrlich going at this guy.

In theory, it would be the two of you looking twice as big. You can't combine Billy and Ehrlich. We'll just throw them in and you and I can survive. I'd let your illusions cover one extra person who's kind of in the middle, if that makes sense. OK, let's just send Billy. No, you're not sending me. No, I'm on a dragon. Wait, can I send my little guy in to just like swoop down and castrate this guy?

You said that he could walk. He could go steal something that was under a kilo. I'd assume that the testicles on him would would fall in that category. Or you could like trip him and steal his pride. Yeah, I could. But I'm more interested in the testicles. You want the testicles, you want the nuts. You're your unseen servant doesn't usually deal a lot of damage.

It would be less of a pull and more of a graze, unfortunately. I mean, that would be maybe worth a boner. Yeah. But that's exactly what tripping him would be highly effective. You think it would be fair? It would also be incredibly disturbing, the former option. Um, should I trip him or should I just? OK, yeah, I'm going to send my invisible servant in to trip him.

Like I want him to like lay a banana peel down right as this guy's walking. And it'll be high comedy. Yes, love it. You find a fruit peel that's kind of lying in the courtyard. You pick it up with it. You summon your unseen servant, you whisper it commands. It flies off and we see a fruit peel get picked up and start drifting over the castle wall.

But the dragon like creature that is marching forward, this gladiator, definitely doesn't notice a little floating fruit peel that kind of moves around it, then drops right in front of it. And this person is going to make a saving throw. And right as the high priestess was saying, behold, you face my champion. Lang de Drossa and Lang de Drossa, the gladiator starts to flex as he steps forward onto the banana peel and goes fly on to his back.

He failed his saving throw and he's flat on the ground. He starts to get up. I'm going to roll one more time. He slips a little bit and then he tries a third time. He falls flat on his chest now and he has not gotten up the whole turn. The whole cult is looking like, oh, this does not look good right now. All of their monstrous drakes start barking like they're like, what are we doing here? This guy looks like an idiot.

And the high priestess just glares at Lang de Drossa like, we'll talk later. And he's still trying to get up so he doesn't even look back at her. He's just fumbling around. Well done, Wayne. And that was your action and bonus action to command the unseen servant. Anything you wanted to do with a move, you could move around or make a skill check to like talk to somebody here or look or whatever you want to do. Can I can I talk to Billy, the beserker and get him pumped up for the fight?

He's up on a dragon right now, pretty far away from you. Oh, yeah, that's true. What has Billy been doing with this dragon? He's been going for a while. I don't trust we're about to find out. He's rolled last in initiative. So the tensions building, we have no idea what the dragon will do. OK, OK, for my last move, I think.

I think I'd like to get on Erlich's shoulders just in case. Great call, a preemptive move to get on. Yeah, in theory, I just want to highlight your door. If you're a little bit bigger than the no. Yeah, yeah, so he'll get on my shoulders. Good point. He gets on your shoulders. Love it, absolutely. And so you you have Erlich hop onto your shoulders.

That was a great move that'll bring us from Wayne's turn to the cobbles and the lizard like creatures. We're starting to think that these are creatures called drakes based on what some of the guards are shouting here like the drakes are getting closer and you see two things happen. You see cobbles start to march forward with drakes on leashes on ropes around their neck, and it seems like some of them are marching towards the prisoners like they're trying to threaten us.

Like we'll let go of these ropes and these drakes will eat these prisoners. No problem. No questions asked. And they're getting closer to the prisoners. But we also see one group of cobbles, three of them holding onto a drake. It climbs up to the castle wall and then jumps onto the castle wall and starts climbing up the wall and it has almost reached the top by the end of its turn. And we see the three cobbles, they just waited for it to start climbing the wall and held on and soon the drake was carrying them up off the ground.

So they're like repelling on drake back. OK, you know that if anything happened to these this drake, those cobbles would just fall right off the wall. OK, I guess climbing the wall right now. OK, so so it's my turn. I'd like to know real quick who who are the drakes rooting for in this battle? It seems like the drakes are like serving the cobbles and the human cult. OK, it seems like they're like animal intelligence.

Second question, what how old are all of us? Are we underage or are we over like 18? The assumption is your adult, your adventurer. So unless you specify, I would assume you're adults and are of legal age. So he's not attracted to us. OK, so all right, what should I kill these drakes? I have the reckless offense. Yeah, just go just go.

Yeah, I want to go. I want to go fuck. I want to fuck some drinks go meek mill on these drinks. Yeah, I'm going to fuck them up. Absolutely. So you hear the champion calling outside, but you're not going to deal with him just yet. You're running over to the wall where the drake is climbing and is some guardsmen are getting their weapons ready. Nervously, you're like, I got this.

The drake's head starts to emerge up to the wall and then you can swing at it. Yes. Did you want to say you were going reckless attack? Yeah, I'm going to fuck every I want to fuck all the drakes up. Absolutely. You can swing at this drake with a d 20 plus five on your attack and you get to roll two times and take the higher number. All right. Sixteen. There we go.

See, plus five, twenty one. Boom, your axe is smashing across this drake's face. I'm sorry. Correction, great sword. I written down you have a great sword. And so you are swinging this great sword and smashing the drake right in the face. I will roll your damage. You got a total of eight points of damage against this drake. Yes, smash a bunch of its teeth out.

The drake keeps its grip on the wall just barely and then turns its face back to you and just snarls at you and your face to face with it now on its next turn. It might try to attack you unless it is dead at this point. But I'll tell you right now, it is halfway dead for sure. After eight points of damage, OK, that going for you. And you had rolled your reckless with advantage. And so that was your move getting over to the drake and you were already still raging from your last turn.

Yes, that was a great turn. And that would bring us to Berserker Billy now. So Berserker Billy, we last saw you on a dragon's back. And this dragon had looked over onto its back to say, all right, rock man, let's talk. And now she says to you, do you know who you face? I am Lenithon called the Sion Wrath. My teeth are steel.

My breath is thunder. You who do you think you are? So I heard I heard you're having trouble with your boss. She says, ah, you know that, yes, this this high priestess speaks for Tiamat. And she thinks she can command me in Tiamat's stead. I obey the goddess. She must now understand and she looks back at the castle where she sees the cultist. The high priestess must understand that I do not serve her.

I serve the goddess, but I am not at her beckon call. And then she like huffs to herself and she's muttering to herself. And she does seems like she's she's that's what she's saying at the moment. I'd say, hey, you matter. What you want to do matters. I think maybe we should maybe combine forces to defeat your boss. And maybe you could help me with my boss later. You would get to roll a persuasion check right now on this dragon.

You already have a good friendship with this rapport. Let's say Billy and the friends of action with this dragon. Well, two times Billy does the dragon look at Billy like a brother, like a little brother, a little bit. I like that analogy. A little little little like a lesser being that she's taking some mercy. So Billy's sipping a dragon. All right, I'm rolling.

So you get to roll two times and take the higher number and you have a plus three on this. So I got a 14. Look into my bill 14. Now we're going for a 20. OK, this is your second critical hit in a row. Trying to talk to this dragon. She starts to say, you know, you're right. I do matter.

I'm a dragon. In fact, I matter more than all of them. I matter more than all of them combined. I am a superior being. They dare. And she almost feels like so is invigorated. And she's like, whoa, a little mortal being got me to feel this way. And she looks back at you and you see her in her eye.

She's focused on you. She's impressed with you right now. Billy the simp. She says, what do you suggest, Rockman? And you see her turn her head back to this castle like I'm all ears. I might do whatever you suggest right now. I'm saying that you you dragoness. Fine creature.

Let me just dragon. It's just dragon. No dragoness. Well, thank you, dragon. I would love to hop back on your back and maybe head back to the action and we can really tear it up and deal with your priestess. Absolutely. She starts flapping back to the castle. You're still on her back.

She turns 180 in the air, slow arc and starts flying back towards the castle. The cultists who are noticing are kind of like, good. I think it's good. All right, that's great. And as the dragon starts to get closer, she looks down and says, shall I shall I scare the high priestess? And it seems like that's where she's starting. Do you suggest something more intense or something different?

I would say throw a little scare to everybody on the battlefield. Neither side and maybe say, hey, you know what? Maybe we could end up ruling all of them. Oh, Billy, you bad boy. She is going to fly down and kind of buzz the line right between the castle and the siege line of cultists and she breathes a bolt of lightning out of her mouth. It is like a ghostbuster beam that kind of hits the ground and starts cutting along the ground and she brings it dangerously close to the castle, letting one of the

town guardsmen kind of go flying back a little almost the almost falls and stumbles back away from the wall, but he's OK. And then she cuts that lightning line into the cultists line just slightly barbecuing a pair of cobalts and sending some human cultists flying back. And then she shuts her mouth and the lightning ends. She didn't hurt anybody. And then she says to you, how do you like that? I said, that was amazing, babe.

She says it was amazing. I agree. I was going to ask if it was good for her, Billy. Dude, probably. How about your feelings? Do you want to do it again? She says, I'd love to do it again. A little harder this time. She's not satisfied.

Yes, she recharges her breath weapon. You see more lightning charge up in her mouth. And she says, where next with a critical hit? I'll let you target one more time. Where do you want her to shoot now? Dude, I'll shoot. I would like I would like her to shoot all on the the. What do you want to shoot, Billy?

I was what I wanted glasses on. I wanted to where do you want her to finish blasts right on the queen? No, should I do the queen? It's kind of hot. Yeah. Blast blast the queen. The high priestess. Yeah, I'm sure we want to blast the high priestess, not her like little defender. Well, I feel like we got the drakes on the road, killed ahead.

The body dies guys on the ground still from the banana peel. No, we got killed ahead. The body dies, you know, we've we've got. So we. All right, hold on. I feel like we go every one. You do every one. But just so just to reset, we have the drakes on the ropes and the big guy, the PFT tripped on the ropes.

I think you guys have that. All right, deal. I'm me, my dragon. It's your move. We're going to the priest. She doesn't belong to Billy. No, no, no, no, no, agency. Yeah, independent. She's a strong woman, strong dragon woman. She's defined as by her dragonliness.

I'm saying she's a wagon. She's a badass. Yeah. Billy, also, how can we never hang out with the bros anymore? Spend all your time with this dragon. You know what, she understands me. Yeah, you guys just bully me. Anyway, I'm not strong. You never you never go to the tavern and dump the dragon and rip some box.

Come on, flagans before dragons, bro. Yeah. All right. So he wants to do the dragon. Yeah, it's just I want to do full out attack on the priestess, mean the dragon, double team the priestess. I want to use all my all my roles, all my turns. I just want to go full send on like send everything. My hammer toss thing.

Let's get it. Absolutely. I love that you said that because you still have your action. So as the dragon cruises in for her lightening breath, you still have your attack ready to go. And she looks back at you as you suggest attacking the high priestess. She looks at you and you're like, oh, I went too far at first. And then she pauses and says, all right, let's go.

She turns back like she's gunning for the priestess and then says, hey, remember that time you fired that guiding bolt at me? Time to put your time to direct it as a team. I want you to fire your guiding bolt at him first because that's going to make your lightning breath even better. Let's go. So she gives you a chance to help her roll a d 20 plus four to see if you hit with this guiding bolt.

Fire it from your hammer. It's a laser blast sent by Kabaki, the Ram Lord. I got a seven. Seven plus four. You are firing this beam at the high priestess and you don't know if an 11 is going to hit. So would you invoke your guided strike plus ten ability? Yes, once.

Yes, this feels like it. You can recharge it. I think now is the right time. You add a plus 10 to your roll and that you see the beam firing and then it's going like the wrong way. It's going a little to her left. And then all of a sudden a head forms on the end of the beam of ram horns. And it reorients itself and you see her charging feet and boom, it hits the high

priestess and you get to deal four d six damage. So I will roll that for you. You have dealt two, three, five so far, six and ten points of damage total to the high priestess. Yeah, right in the shoulder. You see her fall back with her shoulders smoking from the energy of that blast. And she is not halfway dead just yet. But then she looks up and she prepares to shake her fist at you.

She realizes that you are not alone, that the dragon is about to breathe on her. And she goes, no, and falls back in her chair. The cultists are all dropping her chair and trying to run, but it's too late. Of the guided bolt. She is glowing and the lightning breath of the dragon shoots out. She rolls two times and takes the lower number. And because of your guided bolt, the dragon deals full lightning damage. The high priestess is barbecued and incinerated before your very eyes.

Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy. We go, dude. You're fucking and the high priestess is ashes and her chair, the pieces of her chair just fall to the ground. All those cultists also got incinerated completely. They're all lying dead around her. And that armored figure who's still trying to stand up, looks over and then goes, I'm assuming command here, I'm assuming command here.

And he's trying to shout out like all the cultists are panicking and starting to run already. He's trying to take control of them. But Berserker, Billy, Lennathon is just she's laughing at everything that is happening around you. But that would bring us back to to Ehrlich and Sir Ogerton at this point. It seems like this blue dragon person, this Lang De Drosa, who is still trying to pick themselves up off the ground, is trying to assume control of this army still. OK, it's like a turtle that fell in his back trying to get up right now.

Basically right now trying to stand up, not doing a great job. And he's having a tough time with that. Do you want to do? Do you want to try to like convince Coach O to go finish him off? Do whatever you have to do, whatever you want to do. Let's go for the kill shot. OK, so are you having Coach O step out to be the challenger for Lang De Drosa? Yes, yeah, probably be a good Billy versus Coach O.

No, it's Coach O versus this guy that slipped on the banana. Oh, OK, OK. And at this point, it's totally up to us whether we still want to pretend to even being doing a duel, we know if we take out this Lang De Drosa, the army has no leadership left, they're going to be just wanting to flee from out of here. And we could all gang up on Lang De Drosa at this point. I feel like we might as well send more than one person at him, right? Jake, yeah, Coach O says he's in.

And in that case, I'll let Ehrlich roll for for Coach O. Coach O would have a plus seven on his attack roll. He's got a big bonus, so you can go ahead and roll a d20 plus seven for Coach. Seventeen. There we go. Seventeen plus five twenty two. Coach O charges out and you're going to get a challenger now. And he deals a total of 10 points of damage to Lang De Drosa. Lang De Drosa gets a slash across the shoulder.

He is still trying to stand up off the ground, but he is not bloodied. He is not halfway dead yet, even after 10 points of damage. And that was Coach O. Ehrlich, what would you like to do? You sent Coach O out to fight Lord Sir O and you could do an attack as well. If you wanted to launch an eldritch blast at this guy, that would be a d20 plus five. And that's when your best attacks. I would love to try that. Absolutely. Roll a d20 plus five.

See if your eldritch blast is hitting. Fifteen. OK. Fifteen plus five, a 20. You absolutely hit Lang De Drosa for a total of another exactly 10 points of damage. And at 20 damage, Lang De Drosa is badly injured. They are more than halfway down. Ehrlich, that was your turn. We know that Lang De Drosa is about to go right after Wayne's turn.

So, Wayne, if you can do something to eliminate Lang De Drosa, great. Otherwise, they are going to get a chance to stand up and start fighting Sir O. What are you going to do right now? I think what I'd like to do, I'd like to get the whole squad hyped up here. Yes. So can I play? Can I play Sandstorm? Yes. Absolutely. You start to play and who do you want to give inspiration to at that?

You get to pick one person and they get extra inspiration. I think I got to go with Big Cat. I got to go with the Goliath. The big guy. Love it. Actually, you play Who Let the Dogs Out? Everybody wants something. All the town yards on the wall start cheering along with that call.

And now Norm and Ehrlich both have vatic inspiration at this point that they can call upon to pump up one of their d20 rolls by a little bit. We haven't needed it yet, but I'll let you know if it comes in handy, it gets you a little bit of a boost. Okay. You inspire people. Anything else you want to do on your turn? You can inspire somebody else or you can do a spell at this point.

I'd like to cast a spell because I feel like this Langodrosa guy's a mental beta. Like he just has no brain basically. He's just muscle bound freak. So I'd like to cast a spell on him that turns that turns his brain smaller. Can I shrink his brain? Let's see. I think you have the charm checking you got a charm person's spell. Well, okay.

Oh, I know exactly what you're hideous laughter. If you cast that on him, he would stop being able to do anything but laughing. He would fall to the ground, drop all his weapons and just be hysterically laughing on the ground like Joker. Did we kill the shit out of him? Shrinking brain. Okay. That is close to brain dead as you can get.

I like that. You're fucking Joseph Kennedy over here. Can we just say that for the purposes of this role, I'm having my assistant go over and blow a shitload of smoke into his ear. Like get him so high that he just he just keeps laughing. I love that. Your unseen servant flies over and then just like hot boxes his brain basically just blows all the smoke straight into his brain and he's just foggy.

He's not so much laughing as all of a sudden language is like this. This sir. Oh, you think you dare face me and I should I will always like who's the what the where's the and he's just looking around and then he looks at his weapon and just goes what's the what's the and he opens up his hands. The weapon falls out of his hands and he starts to look at his fingers. He's tripping balls. Yeah.

He's looking up at coach like this is pretty cool and he's having a good time but doesn't realize he's in combat anymore. Well done. Great. Wayne. That brings us to Lang DeJose's turn. Lang DeJose spends his whole turn just looking at his fingers and at the end of his turn he gets a saving throw to try to break free.

So let's see if he's still he is still just looking at his fingers and kind of giggling to himself and that is the end of Lang DeJose's turn norm. That would bring us to you. What would you like to do? What do you guys want me to do? Should I just try to finish off Lang DeJose? Mash him. Mash him.

Yeah. If you were to charge at Lang DeJose and attack him right now you would get advantage because he is just laughing and looking at his fingers right now and if you went reckless you would get another advantage. So I would give you 3D 20 rolls. Okay. Billy stop. All right.

All right. And he's hyped up too right? Yeah. So let me just finish him off. I want to finish him off. You can roll 3D 20s and take the highest number if you go reckless and there's no reason not to because next turn he's not fighting anybody. Yep.

All right. Here we go. 17. Pretty good. 17. 12. All right. 1.

17. So we're going to use the 17 with a plus 5, 22. You charge out with your greatsword and you drive it into Lang DeJose's shoulder. You are dealing Max damage that is going to be 13, oh no that's 15 damage and oh plus the 20 damage Lang DeJose already had. How do you want to kill Lang DeJose? You're driving the sword into his shoulder. Yeah.

You pull it out and what's the finishing blow? I want, I want to make him fucking suffer. So I want to just slowly. I want to slice his neck and let him bleed out. You just grab his head, slice his neck with your greatsword like one handed and his head is now in your grip. His body falls to the ground. Do you hold it up so that the army can see the head of Lang DeJose?

Yeah. Can I throw it at one of the drakes? Absolutely. Do you want to throw it at the one who's climbing the wall? Yes. Yes. Absolutely. Two times because you're raging and you throw the head up at that drake.

He's got that. I'm going to kill that points out of it. Yeah. It's good. 12. 12 is the higher of the two. Yep. 12 is higher.

Plus five is a 17. That's a hit against the drake and as long as it fails this, which you got a one on the drake looks and you see the drake is like seeing the head coming at it like no, no, it can't be. It can't be. The copo is like move, move and then bonk, it hits the drake, the drake lets go and falls onto the three kobolds crushing them. Two.

The army sees this, they throw their weapons up in the air, some of them and start panicking and trying to run away from the village and it looks like they are fleeing into the wilderness trying to get away from all of us. Sir O lets out a cheer and the town guardsmen all cheer and the villagers all start celebrating and as the cult flees, they rush up and start banking us profusely and it looks like by all accounts we've saved the village of greenest everybody. Heroes guys. Yes.

Thanks for coming out. That's it. What a fucking job. Yes. Isn't it still my turn? Oh, you're still fucking the dragon dude. That was teamwork makes a dream work. It was.

We fucked these people up. Do we own this town now? Yeah. Can we build some? No, no, no. You don't own anything yet. I'd love to build like a tree house. To find out what happens next, the last, you know, in theory at the end of the initiative

turn still has to go Berserker Billy. The cult is fleeing and then Lennathon the dragon looks back at you and says, haha, this was fun. What should we do next? And she's willing to hear you out on whatever you suggest next. So why don't we build a town to like the sickest play place ever? We can build it like a medieval David Buster's with the arrows and shit. So who wants to live here?

What? Are you threatening us? Yeah. I'm fucking threatening you. I got a dragon. Fuck you, Billy. No, no. Who are you to threaten us?

It's my fucking castle. All right. I say I would like to ask the dragon. Yo, do you want to just take over this castle and torture my boss? God damn it, Billy. You fuck. Go ahead and roll a persuasion check. You're rolling two times and taking the higher number.

You have advantage. Yeah. Who's gonna be strong now? Who's strong now? Go ahead and roll, bitch. One. Seven. Seven.

Go ahead. Basically the same thing as one. Do the next one. Here comes a one. Nineteen. Oh, you're fucked, boys. Did a critical hit? Yeah.

Nineteen. Nineteen. Nineteen plus three steel grate at twenty-two with a twenty-two. The dragon says, well, a village like this I normally wouldn't bother with. We were only here because the cultists wanted to squeeze out every copper coin they could get to build the horde of Tiamat. And then she says it very casually so that we can bring Tiamat to this world. But I wouldn't normally have ever attacked a village like this.

And frankly, the idea of ruling over a village like this, it would be boring, but it might be fun. It would be easy. Very easy. Billy's trying to make his girlfriend settle. No, no. She's going to get bored. We don't have to take care.

I don't really care about the city. Billy's ashamed that his girlfriend makes more money than him. I'm going to say Billy is you. And he's trying to keep her quiet. Dude, you better kill us. You better kill us because this is our, you've gone and done it. I just want to enslave Norm the human because humans aren't nice to dragons or goliath. Okay.

Are you? No. Humans hate magical creatures. I hate you. No, yeah. I have the power here. I am the captain now. For right now.

You come out the king. You best admit it. No, no, no. I have the power here. Billy, this is the magical world. I have the power. Yeah, I know who's on the dragon. You better kill all three of us because otherwise you're fucked.

So, Billy, what you have to understand is this dragon right now, it doesn't give a shit about your small little games. This dragon's going to leave your ass. Go ahead, Billy. Do your thing. Do your thing. Go with your girlfriend and destroy what we've built together. Yeah, go ahead.

No, no, no. This is what I'm saying. You better kill all of us. Uh, dragon. So, I like to play tears in heaven while Billy's about to prepare his attack. Billy, this is the, this is the dumbest attack ever. No, Billy. No, this is what I'm going to do.

I'm going to say dragon. Uh, I helped you defeat your boss. Could you please help me enslave my boss and make me his boss? Not to do a spoiler, but you're Matthew Bevilacqua fucking holding up the poker game in Sopranos. You're going to die. No, so. We're going to torture you. I don't care about anybody else.

Do you have any idea what you're doing right now, Billy? No. Norm the barbarian. Make a big mistake. Who's boss? Mm-hmm. No, no, no. He wants to attack me.

Say it with your chest. If you want to kill me, kill me. If I kill him, are you going to kill me? Absolutely. Yes. You're all against me? Yes. No, I just want to take him out.

No, Billy. We're all together. No, no. He's been talking shit the whole game. We just did something awesome and then you just went churning. No, no, no. I did something awesome. Go ahead.

Do your thing. You guys got a dude to hide. Do your thing. Billy, you sound like you're nervous because you're talking about it a lot instead of doing it. Hey, Billy. Why don't you do it? Do it.

You won't blast Norm the Barbarian. Great. You won't. You want to blast Norm the Barbarian with lightning? I would just send everything at him, everything, the whole kitchen sink. Dang, he did recharge your breath. Yes. I tried to help.

Let's slam his ass. You could. She says, all right, that barbarian there, you want me to breathe lightning on him? And I want to send my hammer, too. And theory of, yeah, I guess, well, yeah, you could do one more guiding bolt. Yeah. Can I just point something out? It sounds like you're trying to kill him, not enslave him.

No, no, I don't know. I just want to show him I'm stronger. I hope. I'm the strongest. I hope you kill me in this turn because then I have three turns before your turn comes. Go ahead. No, but if you don't get a turn, if you're dead, right? I hope you kill me.

Lights you up. I hope you kill me. All right, here we go. Here 22 is going to say one thing. She's going to suggest I have other means of dominating my enemies and putting them in their place. Other than killing that dragon. She seems to, I'll tell you what she's suggesting.

She seems to be suggesting that she has a fear aura that if she invokes, he'll have to make a saving throw. And if he can't, it fails to saving throw, then he is like by default kind of like afraid of this dragon and not able to charge towards it. It's like the dragon lets out a roar and then whoever is afraid of this dragon is kind of like not able to move closer to you and gets disadvantage on attack rolls. So there's a mechanical penalty that you're kind of putting on them. And she's suggesting that instead of breathing lightning and you can do whichever when you

want. Billy didn't understand what you just said. I think last four years. You might have to explain that to Billy. Use a lot of three syllable words. Do the original plan. Buddy. If you want to make pal, norm the barbarian, no, I'm the strongest in the land.

If that's the way you're phrasing it, then she will fly onto the castle wall right up to norm. So norms on the, well, no norms on the ground. She lands on the ground, the culprits are fleeing and she lands on the ground around the dead body of Langedrosa. And then she looks down at the dead body of Langedrosa and frowns a little bit and says, looks at norm and says, you killed my idiot son. I don't really care, but, but I suggest you back down and she flexes her wings and lets

out a roar into the sky. Norm roll a d 20 plus your wisdom saving throw. This represents your ability to kind of discipline yourself and hold on to your courage. But um, you have on this a plus one and I'm going to give you advantage on this. You're a barbarian who's raging. I like the idea that you get a 16 very nice throw, but nice job. Roll, roll. One more time.

You get two rolls on this that you can take the higher number 17 and 17 plus 18 is enough and with an 18, you are not afraid of this dragon, the dragon roars and you just get the hot breath of this dragon on you and you shake your head like, nope. So when are we going to start attacking him? Now the dragon just did the fear aura and is like, hmm, and looks at, looks at norm and he doesn't seem intimidated. And she goes, I thought that would work to you. What do you suggest now?

Do you want to launch your spell at norm? Do you want to have her breathe her lightning on norm? Hmm. Sounds like you're second guessing yourself now, Billy. Yeah, I thought now to be fair, I got to be honest and she just used the fear aura. That strategy means that she didn't get to use her breath weapon. She could use her claws and her bite against norm still, but since you used her fear aura that she was hoping would work and get the point across and it didn't.

So now she's like, my breath weapon, I got to do next turn. Right now I could claw and bite or you could do something if you want to attack norm, but also she's like, kind of looking like you want to attack this guy. Are there any other options? You talked yourself out of it. Billy, what you don't understand is that you're already dead. It's done. You're already fucking dead, Billy.

No matter what you do, no matter what amends you try to make, you're fucking dead. Okay, okay, just we're going to attack him everything. I want to use all my powers and special things. I just want, and then she used her claws, her teeth, you know, like really get in there. All the stuff, drag yourself. Yeah, keep talking. Tail, whipping. All right.

The last words you'll ever say. Okay, I think this is it for me. All right, let's go. The proper order to do things is you fire your guiding bolt first, roll a d20 plus four, and we'll see if you hit norm. I really got to check your stats now because I want to be fair about this. You got to get a 14 or higher. You have a plus four.

He had a seven. A seven. Not great. Not great, too, right? He's not great. He's trying to... Unfortunately, guiding bolts, you haven't hit with it yet. Plus ten.

That first attack is not with advantage. Plus no advantage. Well, and you've already used your... Plus two. Plus two. Plus two. Do you have two of the ones where if you swing your hammer, you can swing it again a second at a time, but you only have one thing plus ten on your attack roll.

And you already used that one. That's not a flyaway. That's not a flyaway. The guiding bolt doesn't hit. She still will get to fly away, but you can still do her dragon attacks. No, I just want to take my woman and leave dragon. Absolutely. Then in that case, you're going to be like, let's get out of here, actually.

And she goes, oh, and she kind of looks at you. You're a loser. One roll on this. One roll. Because she's like, oh, you're backing off now. A little human barbarian. You're not that tough. Roll one.

One persuasion check. You're getting dumped and killed in the same day. Why is it this game? It's going so well. Come on, Billy. Roll. Go ahead, Billy. Roll.

One persuasion check. You have a plus three. Just get better than like a... I really want to ten her higher. Where does my priesthood come in? Like summon a god to help me right now. How many turns is Billy going to give you? At later on, you can channel more and more of your god's power.

But all you can do right now is get a plus ten on your attack roll once per day and invoke other healing and magic and stuff like that. All right. I'm rolling. All right. So this will be a persuasion check. Just... Oh, 20.

20. 20. 20. She looks back at you and says, you know what? Good move. We're done with this village. Right? Okay.

She seems to be thinking that you're doing this for a brave reason. And so she says, all right, where should we go? And she starts to take off. But as you're making a suggestion, she starts to take off. Norm, you were right next to her and so was Sir Ogreton. So you could roll an attack against this dragon if you want to hit this dragon. Interesting. Can I roll anything to just have the dragon leave and Billy stay?

So like the dragon buck Billy off? I will let you... I don't care about the dragon. I don't give a fuck about the dragon. Dragon got messed up with the wrong... What about... What if we just attracted the dragon somehow and had the dragon date all three of us and Billy had to watch?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I rolled a 20. I rolled a 20. That was persuasion. I'd let you make one jump to try to grab Bill Berserker-Billy off the dragon's back. Okay. You can't really be with disadvantage because of how high up he is, and the dragon helping. But since you are raging, you have advantage, they cancel each other out.

It's just one roll and before you do that roll, Berserker-Billy, you get to oppose it. So you do your own roll to see what number Norm needs to get to knock you off the dragon. Do a d20 roll and you get to add... Let's see. It's a... For you, plus four. You get to add a plus four to this with your athletics. And then Norm...

Two. Is it too good, Tim? You want to get high, right? Not low? Not great. Not great. All right, so this is actually, so wait, let's just set the stage because this is actually going to be a perfect place to end today.

So Billy tried to kill us all, tried to kill you too, Hank. He tried to kill all of us. I only tried to kill you. As a teamwork, we took over the entire village, we slayed everyone, and then Billy helped zero percent, tried to fuck a dragon, and then was like, let me kill everyone. He let a dragon come in between us and our friendship with him. Yes, right. Who killed...

I could increase this. And immediately Billy tried to kill Big Cat. Yes, yes. So Billy now is trying, he tried to kill me. He wasn't able to. He wasn't able to scare me. Now he's trying to leave. So we're going to end with my roll.

Either I'm going to grab Billy and pull him off the dragon, correct, Tim? Yes. Or they will fly away and we will figure out what we'll do to Billy afterwards. Okay. 100%. Yes. So all I need is what? You need it, it sounds like with a two that Berserker Billy rolled, he had a plus four

on this. So what you need is a six or higher and you have a plus five on this. So I need a one? I need a one? I think you got this one, Big Cat. So here's the thing. I'll be very clear about this. Something crazy always happens if you get a one.

So if you get a one, you still grab Berserker Billy, but the dragon takes off with both of you. Oh, wait. Oh, yeah. That bad roll. One way or another, Berserker Billy, you were hanging a little low on this dragon. All right. All right.

So here we go. He's a bad roll, Billy. Grab you in some way. All right. What happens on a two? Here comes the roll, Billy. You die on a two. 18.

I think that's enough. I think he jumps too far. You jump up, you are, since you rolled well, getting exactly where you want to get to and you are grabbing Berserker Billy and tackling him off the dragon's back. The dragon takes off, looks down at you and I will give one roll, then looks at you Berserker Billy and just shakes her head and flies to the south where the cultists seem to be fleeing towards and all of the army with the dragon seems to be flying to the south. But you do see, to be fair for all your critical hits, the dragon look back once at you looking

sad and then again, like, I shouldn't have done that. I feel bad. You know, I forget it. And then she keeps flying, but she did have a reservation. Okay. She's going to go have brunch with her dragon friends tomorrow and be like, you'll never believe the worst date I just had. That's perfect.

Come back for me. Perfect ending. So we'll, we're going to pick it up in two weeks and Billy is now captured and we, we have all three of our turns in a row before Billy gets to go again. And I think we've got like three, or we've got Bob Costa still that we can use to torture. We're going to torture the four of you. Yes. I'll be clear that if we want to have a backup character for, if something happens to Berserker

Billy and he becomes unplayable, just let me know what character you want to have. Our darling. Yeah. It will be Jake. Jake, if we kill Billy, would Jake will step in as the fourth? Is there a scribe character, like somebody who's a, who's almost like a journalist? There would be a wizard might be considered like a journalist for our darling. Yeah.

So get, get the wizard ready. Just in case we decide to kill Billy. And when I say just in case we are 100% going to kill Billy next time, I will, I will have the wizard on hand and ready to go if, if and when we need a new character for sure. All right. Awesome. Thank you so much, Tim. We'll see you in a couple of weeks.

Have a great 4th of July. Thank you all. Absolutely. And same to you. Let's say thank you to Ethan Matthews, your listener who let me know about a little bit of the culture of the PMG and some of the information to insert coach Ogerton. I wanted to thank him for making it all nice. That was great.

Shout out Ethan. That was awesome. Good job, Ethan. Thank you so much. When we realized it was Coach O. Yeah. All right. Thank you so much, Tim.

Thanks so much. Appreciate it. Yeah. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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