Pardon My Take - Michael Irvin, The Bears Suck, And The Dodgers Win The World Series

Episode Date: October 28, 2020

We clean up MNF and the Bears may just suck at scoring points, which is important (2:03 - 10:42). Mike Nolan gets hot sauce in his eye (10:42 - 14:29). We recap Game 6 of the World Series, Kevin Cash falling in love with his computer and the Dodgers finally winning a World Series (14:29 - 25:59). Hot Seat/Cool Throne (25:59 - 50:55). Hall of Famer Michael Irvin joins the show to talk about his career, the state of the Cowboys today, and his twitter game (50:55 - 102:56). We finish the show with guys on Chicks.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. On today's pardon my take, we have the Playmaker, Michael Irvin on the show. We talk about his career, we talk about the current state of the Cowboys, the dumpster fire that is the Cowboys, the current state of the U, awesome interview coming up with Michael Irvin. We also have a hot seat, cool throne, guys on chicks, money on football, all of it is

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Are we saying that the Bears are who we thought they were? Yes. The Bears are who we thought they were. They stink, they have no offense for the, I went back and I looked PFT, in the last 20 years, in the last 20 years, the Chicago Bears have finished worse than like 50% so half the league, they've finished in the back half of the league in offense, 15 out of 20 of those years. They are, it is the most Bears thing ever to just have an unbelievable defense and an

offense that can't do diddly poo, and that's what we saw on Monday Night Football, it was an ass kicking. It was a fucking ass kicking. I totally believe in just like team auras, right? Teams will have auras. DNA. The Chicago Bears have DNA, it doesn't matter who's coaching the team, it doesn't matter what the actual physical people that are inside that building.

If you just live in the city of Chicago and play football, you suck at playing quarterback and you have an awesome defense. You can't move the ball down the field, this is why, this is why I've always said when everyone's like, well, we could have had Patrick Mahomes, Patrick Mahomes would have got hit by a bus if he had been a Chicago Bear. Like there is, there's just, it's never going to be in the cards for the Bears to be able to move the football in any type, like the NFL has completely changed. Thank you for saving Patrick Mahomes' life by the way.

Yes, Ryan Pace deserves that, he should be out the door, but he should, should get credit for that. The NFL has completely changed, it is an offensive league, you see the ball going up and down the field, like passing left and right points, points, points, over-unders are 50, 52, like shit that you wouldn't believe 20 years ago and the Bears are still the exact same Bears where it's a struggle to score like a touchdown, a touchdown they can't do. I think you guys need to lean into your identity, like you need to absolutely own the fact that you will never be good at passing the football, you gotta go single wing, you gotta essentially

run air force, no offense, but you, is that any different than it has been in the past? Like yeah, you're running, occasionally you'll be able to run it okay, but not like, let's not go out here and try to have Nick Foles throw the ball 35 times a game. He obviously can't do that. And then I think that the whole like blow up between him and Matt Nagy, they got like Brian Greasy put it out there, a money football snitched on him a little bit. I think that probably got overblown a little bit. I don't know.

So I don't know Jim, it was when, when the Bears suck on prime time, which they pretty much always do, the Bears are who we thought they were is like that win and when Corey Wooten ended Brett Farve's career, those are pretty much the only good experiences. Maybe a couple of, you know, Cutler, Marshall and San Francisco, but the Bears on prime time will almost always embarrass, uh, anyone who roots for them. And so that moment where Brian Greasy is like yet, uh, Nick Foles doesn't even know like the play calls don't make sense. He, they get called in and he knows they're not going to work.

So if you actually watch it, you can see Matt Nagy throwing in the play call and you could see Mitch's face and he actually is like, to the play call. So it was almost serendipitous that it all worked out exactly at that moment. Mr. Biskey's listening to the play call in his ear and being like, Whoa, that's not going to work. Cause guess what it was? It was probably another fourth down where they're like, Hey, let's run a jet sweep to quarter L Patterson and see if it works this time.

Right. It's like, can't block anything like a waiter in Kansas city offering somebody. Guess what? We've got a really nice salmon tonight. And this reaction is like, you know what? No, I'm going to stick with the sake on that one. Yeah. It was, I feel like what was actually said probably got like, it was a combination of

the timing of when it was broadcast on TV and also the like translation to Brian Greasy. But the bottom line is like, Nick Foles doesn't feel like he has a second to do anything. No, I've said this before, like Matt Nagy, I do not trust him as a play caller. I think he's a bad play caller, but you know, play caller will look good with that offensive line. So there's at least a little bit of a, like you could throw Andy Reed out there. You could throw Chip Kelly in his prod. Like no one is going to look good with an offensive line that bad.

He just makes it worse. You guys should just trade for Johnny Hecker. Have him be the quarterback. He played Johnny Hecker man. He played high school quarterback. People don't talk about it a lot. And he's also just a beast of a punter. Like if you, if you were to throw the ball one on first down only and then punt every

time it reached a second down with Johnny Hecker, your offense would actually be better than it has been. Yeah. No, in weeks. I would rather watch the defense in the offense, which is the ultimate Chicago Bears. With all of that said, and I think the, listen, I'm not, I'm still not going to apologize for five and two people getting confused. I never, have I said that the bears were like, like an incredible team.

I said, I'm running the luck train. Like the bears are, they have won very lucky games this year. They're not a very good team, but sometimes the NFL, you'll just get the lucky bounce and just ride it. So I'm not going to apologize for five and two. And I think they might even beat the saints on Sunday. They're not good, but they could get lucky and get in the playoffs that way. I'm, I'm experiencing like a Zach Galfinakis at the casino, blackjack table type moment

right now because we've established that the bears are who we thought they were. Correct. But also you are what your record says you are. Correct. So you're five and two, but you're also who we thought you were, which is not five and two. This is Schrodinger's Bears. Are they alive or are they dead?

They're, you know what they are? A little bit better than average. So average being eight and eight. No, they're actually an eight and eight team that just gets, because it really does come down to the NFL, eight and eight team can be 10 and six or six and 10 based on a couple lucky bounces. And that is exactly what the bears are. They're an eight and eight team that had a couple lucky bounces to start the season.

Yes. And if the couple lucky bounces continue, they could finish 10 and you need to be luckier than the average bears team. And get like those extra two wins last year. They didn't have the luck. They obviously fell off a cliff. You know what I mean? Like that's, that's kind of, that's kind of exact going back to the first point that

that's Chicago Bears football is like the good seasons are really just kind of lucky seasons. We should also give a little bit of credit to the Rams. I guess they're good. No, they're good. They're playing. I agree with your take that they're playing too fast. That's Mickey Mouse football.

Man up when Sean McVay gets in his huddles and then he has his players like shift around like it's a game of three card Monty at a carnival. Just to confuse the defense. We used to say back in high school, that's what happens when the other team knows they can't beat you. Right. They have to resort to the Mickey Mouse stuff. They're just running.

It's tempo. Like man play man football, huddle up, just run the ball, run the ball and we'll stop your ass. If you, if you tell us that straight up, you're going to run a full back dive, maybe a half back toss every third down when you're getting a little feisty. You let the defense know that and you can still beat them. Then that's a man's football team. Yes.

That's a team that you're proud to root for. Yes. That's some rinky dink Mickey Mouse Disneyland offense where you try to score more points than the other team. Like a fucking coward. Cowards. Exactly. No.

The Rams are good. The MC West is just incredible. Like top to bottom. All those teams are good or better than good. And yeah. So that's kind of it. I don't really have anything else besides they are who we thought they were. And I do think they're going to beat the Saints on Sunday.

I woke up this morning. I was so mad. I had a headache watching the Bears. Like that's that's when you know your team is sucks. And also you just care a little bit too much. I was physically getting ill watching their offense sitting on the couch on Monday night. And then I woke up this morning and I was like plus four against the Saints at home to breeze outside kind of like this spot.

What makes the Bears a little bit more frustrating than most teams when you're rooting for them because they did bet on him last night and there were times in the second half like don't get me wrong. They stunk. Last Monday night. It was just like depressing the entire time. If you had bet on the Bears there were like three or four times where you kind of opened your eyes a little bit like they just got a lucky break.

Maybe and then Nick Foles throws like a 30 yard interception or misses a wide open guy misses a wide open guy throws an interception in the end zone. There were like three or four times where I was starting to think like maybe maybe this could happen with a little bit of loss. Shades of that Arizona Cardinals we are who they thought they would they keep you believing in its bullshit. It's bullshit. I wasted sleep because of the Bears and that fucking terrible offense.

So let's talk something that makes me feel a little bit better the Cowboys. So the Cowboys were also in the news because Mike Nolan as bad as the Cowboys have been they get they're getting now to circus level. Mike Nolan had a zoom with reporters and it got interrupted because he had Tabasco on his fingers and rubbed his eyes to have that right. Yeah well he had yes he forgot to wipe his fingers off and he started poking his I don't know what he was doing if he had like a bug in there or whatever it was. And then he started crying and then as I got read and then he got distracted and he had

to end the zoom call. I blame Jerry Jones for this. Yep. If you're a good owner and you've got someone as shitty as Mike Nolan that's still employed he shouldn't be allowed to season his food or have any flavor. You need to treat him like he's in prison. Yes. Until he either quits on his own or decides that he's going to get better and be accountable

and start to make improvements you need to take away all salt pepper. He should not be eating hot food or spicy food at all. So I put that on Jerry Jones. But it is one of these hilarious things like you see shitty teams this only happens to a bad team. There's no way that this happens. I know this has nothing to do with football. There's zero chance that the Chiefs would go through this right now.

Yes. No. And if you're a Cowboys fan and everything sucks right now just know that once you step into this portion of the season it's actually better because I've always thought that if your team is going to be bad be a circus because a circus is fun. You know like a circus is something you can laugh at. Be so dysfunctional that these stories come out and you're like how is this happening. JR Smith throwing soup or like whatever whatever crazy thing should happen.

Hope that that happens so that you can root for just chaos. Yeah. Well what's going to start happening now that this story got so much attention there's going to be like a big Magnus magnifying glass on like every small thing about the facility knowing that like any small mishap is going to be like oh look at the dumpster fire. Yes. Live look at the Cowboys like somebody gets locked in the bathroom and then that comes a story.

Yeah. Whereas if this was a team that was like going to go nine and seven or eight and eight Edward will overlook the fact that Mike McCarthy has locked himself in a bathroom stall for the fourth time this year. Yes. But if it's this comically hilarious team Edward is going to go live with like two cameras inside the bathroom. Yes.

To get comment from Mike as he's flushing the toilet with one foot. You know all these all these weird things are going to come to light. I'm very excited. Yeah. Jerry Jones doing his mad press conferences. You can really it's like the like post nine eleven when we had the threat level that they would put on the news every night like where it is you know like it's green it's red it's yellow.

Jerry Jones being agitated on his weekly radio hit is pretty much the threat level for the Cowboys. Yeah. How their season is going. Like there was just be a story. I think I saw I didn't even I didn't even hear it or whatever. I just saw like something just passed glanced by my my eyes being like Jerry Jones apologizes for like hanging up on someone or being agitated with someone.

He told him shut up. Yeah. There you go. I mean any other owner in the NFL like you don't really OK. It's a major major story with Jerry Jones as he does this radio hit every single week. You just kind of learn to ignore it. So today he said there's an old adage don't piss an old man off with a little money. It'll get you.

There you go. I'm telling everyone you want to stay in the will. This is actually this is a very it's a very dangerous Jerry Jones because yes he has nothing to lose. He's cornered. Jerry knows that he's probably going to die in the next five years if he keeps going the way is. And God bless him.

I'm sure that he wouldn't change a damn thing. But he also knows that like I need to I need to get me some glory hole. Yeah. As he would put it he might I wouldn't be shocked to Jerry Jones tries to just change the rules of the salary cap being like no salary cap for these next five years or just blatantly cheat. Yeah. And then let the next person.

Bitcoin everyone. Yeah. Yes. Yes. All right. We're recording this after game six. We're going to put this into the show. We are all at home but we are hopping on a zoom because we figured World Series the daughters

of one of the World Series are good close personal friend time of the sort is not going to kill himself. We need to recap the game and I think we can all agree the game was Kevin Cash versus computer and he let his computer fuck him in the face and the rays died by saber metrics and congrats to the Dodgers and Clayton Kershaw and Mookie Betts and everyone else. Yeah. I mean the Houston Rockets officially killed numbers in basketball. I think the Tampa Bay rays we can ignore the fact that they probably shouldn't have been

in the World Series to begin with if it weren't for those numbers but those very same numbers came back to bite them in the ass. They got fucked by a spreadsheet tonight. So for people who didn't watch. If you're watching the Bachelorette if you were going to sleep early Blake Snell started. I mean that is the first sign that he fucked up. He took a Blake out of the World Series when he was absolutely dominating Blake Snell was 73 pitches to her to hit zero runs into the game and up he had the next guys the next

guys in the lineup the next three guys were over six with or no sorry the next four guys in line up were over six with six strikeouts and he pulled him after a single in what was it the bottom of the sixth and was like I'm yanking him the computer says we got to go to the bullpen I'm going to freak out I'm a nerd I've never realized that the game is played with emotion and humans and not on a spreadsheet and then the Dodgers end up winning on a pass ball Mookie Betts then scores on a grounder to first and the computers have failed you so computers blues Dodgers win that's the story of a great World Series right in the words of our good friend Matthew McConaughey nerds versus dorks Kevin Cash was a dork tonight

he should have been a nerd a nerd is cool a nerd would know in fact an asshole would have known I think in a situation like this you have in the postseason if you have a team that's comprised of nerds in the front office controlling decision making you should have one asshole in the dugout and during the playoffs that asshole gets to fight the nerd or the dork that's telling them to do something completely against the assholes gut feeling you get one fight you knock them out you get to take that decision making bring in like hire Tony LaRusso to be the guy in your clubhouse that gets to fight the dork when he starts to manage with a spreadsheet because I mean I don't know shit about baseball I'll be I'll

be dead serious about this when it comes no no you're seeing all that you're seeing that I'm no I'm talking about when it comes to saber metrics okay I don't know I know everything about baseball but when it comes to knowing about the numbers behind the game I'm a shithead I don't know anything but I can tell you in this circumstance you have to be a world-class dork to pull out Blake snow well here here's the only counter argument to everyone who is saying that Kevin Cash is an idiot and he totally fucked this up which I happen to agree with the only counter argument that you could throw out there is this is how the rays have have played the entire season they have played this way the

entire season the old dance with the one that brought you if this is how you're gonna play if the system is always worked and gotten you this far follow the system and keep following the system in the world series but at some point at some point and it's kind of like a perfect microcosm for where we are with sports in general at some point you have to realize the human element your guy is pitching an absolute stellar performance and that's what we call it he's he's he's he's absolute shoving if you want to be a real seam head he's shoving on the bump and you then take him out because oh you're the third time through the lineup and this is kind of what you've done every single game it just it's baffling

so I you know I wanted a game seven I think we all wanted a game seven I am happy for Clayton Kersh I'm very happy for Magic Johnson I'm very happy for Tommy Lasorda Mookie Betts I don't know who else are we happy for anyone else Walker Bronch James LeBron James a real title LA's LA's title time Walker Bueller's got a cool name I'm trying to think who else is a lot of good beards on the team to Cody Bellinger is cool he's cool I'm cool with him I'm tight with him I'm happy for stadium they've got a cool like nice retro feeling stadium out there yeah we were really high when we were at that one time it felt like a nice warm cozy place yeah the best was when we took when we went out to Dodgers Dodger Stadium and took edibles and then

those like 50 year old I think they were like real Hollywood type of guys we're standing in line with us and asked us what we did because people kept on coming up to us asking for pictures and we were so high we like couldn't we couldn't describe what a podcast was well I just I think we were just in line for food and our explanation was well we're gonna get too many helmets of ice cream where you get some pretzels and the Dodger dogs and maybe some nachos the ones that come in the plastic bag with the with the neon yellow cheese that you get to dip it into and he was like no but what do you do and we're like we're snacking yeah we're snacking chicken nuggets I I did learn a fun fact about the third time through the lineup tonight so that's gonna be one one little bit of

information that I grasp on to for the next 50 years about how you always pull your former Cy Young winning pitcher out when it's the third time through the lineup because it's I guess it's like it's tough to beat Belichick you know three times in a year or stuff to beat anyone in football three times in a year same thing with baseball so if you see the same batter three times he's probably going to hit some taters off you the third time the other only explanation I can give is if you're Kevin Cash you you just have to say like what happens if I ignore the computers and then 20 years from now when they run the world they look back in time and they want to know why I was in support it to the computers so if you think about it from that perspective Kevin Cash was

right it was future self-preservation on his part so I guess he was playing chess while we're playing checkers here here's the only other thing I'll say that's positive about Kevin Cash tonight usually we blame managers to when managers and coaches who clearly manage and coach for like the the public consumption it's the patch shirmer like the box scores they don't want to lose by by 21 so they'll start punting when they're down 14 with like seven minutes left in the fourth quarter that kind of stuff Kevin Cash doesn't give a fuck because no one would have blamed him if he kept in Blake Snell and Blake Snell gave up a home run or hit there everyone would have been like right choice instead he was like fuck this I'm gonna be bold and it's gonna blow up in my face

and I don't care so I the only the only thing I'm thinking of is like what the hell does Blake Snell do when he gets in the locker room does he fight like I I think you have to take a swing at him you have to take a swing and by him I mean Kevin Cash's computer obviously I think yeah you can so in in terms of being a Blake I think it's totally in bounds to take a baseball bat directly to the monitor and the CPU maybe like maybe fill up the entire the entire shower down there in Arlington and then throw the computer into the filled bathtub and just absolutely destroy it but I think it's very unblake like behavior to actually try to fight your coach I think that Blake like behavior would be get in your car drive home after destroying the computer crank up the nickel back and just like

scream at the top of your lungs holding the steering wheel on the way home yes yes um do we have the world series MVP I think it's probably Kevin Cash is that right awarding it right now probably court seeker but maybe Kevin Cash see if it was Kevin Cash app he would have won if he was Kevin Cash app he never would have made such a risky decision um I'm looking we're gonna give you we're gonna say it where's Tommy the sordid too someone make sure they keep their eyes on Tommy the sordid here I think Tommy's gonna make sure he's his trainer had to or is like a physician had to stab adrenaline directly into his heart like in pulp fiction yes yes um all right so they're about to announce it was it mookie Hank can you find it I'm gonna find it I guarantee you I think

it's I think it's Corey seeker yeah they're doing it now yeah but Jake knows right now five minutes before everyone and everyone's gonna be sappy about Clayton Kershaw um Justin Turner came out of the game because he had a test a positive COVID test that sucks so now he can't celebrate Jesus damn that's gotta be the worst so you can't they just didn't even they were just like yeah you had a positive COVID test and just kept on kept on trucking I'd also like to say that the Washington Nationals are still current regular full season world series champions that is for the record that had gone to game seven what the fuck would have happened what yeah the COVID yeah that's a great point Hank holy shit I didn't even think about that keep Tommy away from them

yes how does like the the whole team must have it so yeah so the whole team is probably at high risk of infection Rob Bamford is going to get COVID he wasn't where did you see do you see like two seconds ago Rob Bamford got up to the podium he was just standing next to all the Dodgers players and he just stuck his finger all the way inside of his nose it's Rob Bamford probably just gave himself COVID during the World Series trophy presentation it's probably it's so funny that Rob Bamford is about to boast about successfully finishing this season while the the World Series champions all have COVID now oh my god get magic Johnson away from them too yes yeah that's bad he should not be on the field right now all right I'm just gonna say it's Corey Seeger the World Series

MVP is Corey Seeger they're taking way too long to announce that Rob Bamford picked his nose like he said PFT got booed the Dodgers owner gave the longest weirdest speech I'm out thank you baseball thank you for for coming back for your 60 game season this was a fun World Series actually was very entertaining yeah I will miss baseball as soon as we like realize we have no sports on tomorrow night we literally have no sports tomorrow night for the first time in like three months so thank you thank you I appreciate baseball we sleep on Wednesday that's what that's what our motto is Hank I have one last question for you do you think that Brian O'Halloran is that his name Brian O'Halloran the GM for the Red Sox you think he gets a World Series rank

probably not I don't think so no no I get fired sure Mookie Betts yeah maybe he gets a job maybe this is a long play on his part yeah yeah we all don't matter to space like you can have a World Series ring or you can have like room to maneuver and you know that's right you guys could get like a hundred players right it's it's it's you gotta think big picture PFT yeah and also imagine all that tax like all the tax you would have had to pay the payroll tax would have been just astronomical so from a financial standpoint I think we can all agree in a pandemic the Boston Red Sox are the real winners hi Grameen how can I I will never financially recover from this there you go all right let's get to our ad and then we'll do Hot Sea Cool Drone Hot Sea Cool Drone

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Foundation so thank you to Hooters appreciate it use code STUEL one more time for $10 off any order over 30 on the Hooters app okay hot seat cool throne Henry Daniel in his conductor pants rude what do you think about Hank's pants do those have a zipper on the knee is that a knee you got a knee zipper that's just for drugs isn't it no anytime I see a zipper pop up in a place that I'm not used to seeing I wear flip pants every single day you're one day at where normal pants pick up you're wearing shoes that are 17 different colors oh yeah oh here we go these are pretty nice actually oh yeah yeah literally there yeah and they're nice you can't match them with anything because they're a hundred different colors wow who would ever wear a lash out I mean you're wearing

color you're wearing pinstripes I'm wearing nice pants sorry if we know one day a week of my life I was like I'm gonna wear their cargo pants out and my cargo pants TFC's wearing teal sweat pants I am just you're wearing pants and pants and you're coming at me for wearing pants with strikes it looks like you're the head chef at an apple beast yes that's what those you got the baggy like yeah there's also a bag of coke behind the fucking you don't even watch fucking Mandalorian wearing a baby Yoda fucking pose baby Yoda I'm trying to sell merch poser Hank you're wearing a trucker hat despite you don't have a driver's license oh yeah but I wouldn't ride with you we're roasting each other anyway speaking of things that you roast me for my hot seat is vacations oh okay so

everyone knows you know I'm a huge advocate of vacations people in the United States especially you guys like there's a lot of vacation chaining that goes on there right the latest victim Kim Kardashian West no I don't know if you guys saw this but today she posted on Twitter it's her 40th birthday she posted a long thread I don't know if she thought that how did how she thought this was gonna go for her but it didn't go well she said after two weeks of multiple health screens and asking everyone to quarantine I surprised my closest inner circle with a trip to a private island where we could pretend things were normal for just a brief moment in time and like in this thread she was talking about how great it felt to be you know feeling normal and everyone was just like

who the fuck has the ability to take 50 people to a private island normal so she was getting vacation shamed and as you know someone who is an advocate for vacations it's sad to see I'm sad to see so vacations are on my hot seat family there or like Kanye her family no Kanye Devin Booker was on the guest list 50 people how many phoenix sons were on this just one I I know what this is this is just like straight up a let's get away from Kanye weekend which I think like okay acknowledged coincided with Joe Rogan yeah that makes sense so wait the um she was like yeah this is just we wanted to pretend like life is normal we danced road bikes swam near whales kayak to watch the movie on the beach and so much more normal shit I realize that for most

people this is something that is so far to reach right now so in moments like these I'm privileged my life right now hashtag this is 40 it's out of reach all the time for all of us I like that listen most people during a pandemic can't go to Bali and set up a movie theater screen on the sand and watch a preview of tenet but we can and once this all gets back to normal I'm hoping that all of you will be able to do that as well people who've lost their job being like what I really miss is being able to take 50 people to a private island I still don't want to see tenet that that movie really got that got that movie got fucked yeah big time yeah why is everybody tenet is the Deshaun Watson of movies everyone feels bad for tenet coming out this year and like

no other film that was going to come out this year or next it's like all about tenet tenet tenet true the reason why I'm mad about tenet is because I just get I get confused watching the trailer they if you're gonna make a confusing movie it was confusing as shit too if everyone everyone like movie sounds like when is it coming out well it was it like came out but it was like in states where you could go to the movies which was like no states is that do we have a phone do we have a phone in this studio pick it up pick it up yeah what the hell let me turn the phone thing on what is going on who's calling Lenny mad pick it up hey Susie yes patch them through several notices in the mail that you have yet to extend your warranty pass the factory cutoff and this is a

courtesy call to renew your warranty did you think this wasn't a computer pass it through if you're interested in renewing what are you talking about now please press five press five or press nine to be removed from our list let's talk to him did you think that was a real person yeah oh I don't know all right you did you jump us five I did but it wasn't going through I don't even know like I don't think our phone system works like that I wanted to talk to the clown pants aren't all right wow hey he's looking me up and down yeah jeans Hank would have passed that control I don't wear fucking jeans he's looking me up and down at least at least that's one of the jumpsuits I got you for Christmas last year when you guys didn't get me a gift uh yeah we got the gift

of you and another vacation no I haven't I I bought you a gift we literally gave you our vacation literally my gift for you literally expired before you got back for me to give it to you we told Erica it died take our vacations I like your pants positive vibes thank you Billy you are wait you're happy that Billy said he likes your pants yeah he's not fucking 100 years old it looks like a braille braille word for corduroy no he looks he looks like a train conductor in a fucking children's book that I'm gonna read to my son it's trip it's trip I don't have much trip I got that polar express trip going on Henry the sad train conductor my cool throne is justice lawn owner Hank okay yeah big fan of ACB uh the NCAA is back UMass tennis girls tennis team got

stripped of an A10 title in three years of wins what because they self-reported reimbursing a player for a $252 phone jack in their room so like the players they didn't know that they had the phone jack and they were like oh like you know we didn't know this was part of our door whatever why do they need a $252 phone no they didn't know was in their room so they got charged for it and they were like we didn't know this is in our room so UMass was like we'll pay for your phone jack because we didn't tell you guys this is in your room got it then they're like just to be safe we'll report this and then they got stripped of three years of wins and an A10 title okay well we will just this is on the cool throne we will no longer acknowledge those 252 wins are their A10 title

on this show we're gonna have to take back all the parties we threw what we have to yeah we're gonna have to delete at least seven what what the hell is a phone it's a phone no it's actually a fair question for you for someone your age like is it like a like a charger no you plug your phone into the wall right and you know you know what it like an ethernet cable looks like that little weird blinky thing at the end yeah that goes into your phone and then you can use your phone to make phone calls house phone like a landline the landline he's looking at a picture of it right now yeah it's like an ethernet cable yeah yeah yeah it's totally it's an ethernet cable for boomers but why would you have that in a hotel room no like they're dorm because you used to have to

use a phone in your dorm room that wasn't a cell phone these girls were on scholarship and it was they got put in a room they got charged for having a phone jack in their room so then they were like this is bullshit because we don't even use a fucking phone jack because we're not like boomers so then the team was like all right we'll give you the 250 dollars that you got charged for it bang that's fuck wins vacate no i agree with justice if you don't listen if you don't stand for something you'll fall for everything and you need to draw a line man's gotta live by a code and this code is uh no handouts good hot seat cool throne hank thanks great job yeah is that a thank for hot seat cool throne yeah yeah okay uh my hot seat is toxic

masculinity toxic mass shaming because people will shame each other for clothes they wear no that's not toxic yeah it is that's toxic you look boys being boys yeah PMD special you look like a waiter at al Capone's funeral uh yeah you definitely yeah are you you look like a halloween costume you're wearing the bottom half of a halloween costume at an orange county uh like adult halloween party in california check it out hey hey you like my my gun my tommy gun you look like you're at a janitor themed bar mitzvah you dress yourself blind yeah look everything you're wearing is free i don't like put together i would never wear anything like that it's more if i gave it to you if i was like hey pft we got some of these pants you'd wear them the next day is it more is it more embarrassing

that i'll wear this or that you'll pay money for that anyways oh we're gonna have to put tweet out a picture this basically became a pants it's gonna be fit off it's gonna be fit off we'll put it up on a pole what really his pants look like a lazy town character which is which is kind of like in now like i don't participate but it's like i get what he's going for yeah no they're like the pants that lou perlman gets to wear in jail r.i.p well not really you say r.i.p sounds like that is he dead i'm pretty sure i mean the guy from sons of anarchy yeah he's fat as fuck no he's the guy that managed uh managed backstreet boys oh big time dead he's dead yeah but no we don't do r.i.p for him no he got canceled and died we're just like thanks we're just thank god he's dead

are fucked up that we call that the cisleano all right all right my hot seat is toxic masculinity so there was a guy from uh pro football focus who said that in my humble opinion i am h.o. attacking the cowboys for not going after bostic who by any means wasn't a threat to Dalton anymore is toxic masculinity at its peak this guy uh from pro football focus i think he's in germany he's a german guy right billy they love hiring guys not from america tell us they do they do watch our sport america's team and america's sport yeah that is you want toxic masculinity it's toxic germaninity yes stop talking about our sport bro forgive me stick to fucking buyer not covering the spread today forgive me for not wanting to trust what a german has to say a

bunch of people with uh stars on their shirts i'm not going to go down that road but you're taking me there pro football focus moo uh but he said basically that we should not be shaming the cowboys for not defending any dalton uh meanwhile every person that's ever played football has responded and been like this is this is incorrect yes because shame because there is something to be said for like you send a message to the person that's going to hit your next quarterback absolutely so like and if you don't have your one two billy you probably can speak better i actually when you got knocked out did your offensive lineman you have your back they did have my back but you're not supposed to touch the person who's knocked out this is

actually a very important fact for viewers out there why because when they banned smelling salts it was because that the unconscious people would jolt their heads back after smelling them and if they had a fracture in their neck it would crack their neck and make them paralyzed so you're not supposed to touch someone who's knocked out complete or god it's not that's why they ban smelling salts that's why that's every weekend right right but every single weekend that's why they don't give people who are knocked out smelling salts anymore because they jolt their head back and then moves their neck and can cause a serious neck injury so the cowboys should not have been touching the lifeless not moving andy dalton on the floor because they should have been fighting yeah they

should have been fighting you shouldn't be touching also touching only fighting exactly i agree with that or or call the police call the professional that's what pro football focus guy wants you to if you see something like happen your quarterback don't be a hero call law enforcement over and have law law enforcement take care that's also just a classic case of a guy just trying to be like everyone thinks this let me show you how i think differently it's a nerd that learned about a very serious issue that heard somebody talk about toxic masculinity one time he's like i'm going to fit this into everything that i write about now we're not saying like go kill but john bossick we're saying like hey maybe have a problem with your quarterback's head getting taken hold him accountable

hold him accountable it doesn't happen again so exactly so it doesn't happen to gucci danuchi mm-hmm yes he's in trouble now like if somebody comes over your house and like hits your dog are you and but then they're not then they're not hitting your dog anymore are you gonna be like okay we're cool now just don't do it let me just let me just make sure my dog's okay first yeah i'll fucking kill that you're going through the plate last win i'm not gonna ask you if you want to stick around and fuck my wife i'm gonna throw you at the front door yeah charles barkley ass boom throwing him out the window all right which cool drum oh yeah sorry get a little worked up yeah that's toxic masculinity yeah we're fucking working to a lather hand up we i just told a guy

and we in my head yeah we just got a guy that's attacked leroy so jacked up we went literally like three minutes without mentioning hanks pants yeah that'd be a yeah that'd be a good name for the for the brand of those pants it's just toxic masculinity right hank my cool throne is being a human being oh so uh baseball prospectus has announced that they are no longer allowing writers to refer to players as being assets so baseball prospectus is a a magazine what do you call it a quarterly sure a journal who cares it's something and what they've done for the last like 25 years the whole reason for existence has basically been to distill baseball down to numbers games

and like a spreadsheet and be like here's what's being undervalued here's what's being overvalued and now they've realized uh through the astros accomplishing what they've accomplished that maybe maybe they should talk about players like they aren't numbers so so this is kind of like when they went they don't do disabled lists anymore it's in your yes yes no it's what is it no it's um what is it what is it instead of disabled list d word abled list i'll injured i'll that's right our word list yeah jesus christ this is this is the type of decisions that people make that you're just playing into the angry guy online like you make a you make a decision about a fucking word that no one has ever thought twice about they now can just argue about like they're

trying to take away our words asset yeah what yeah you can't even say asset anymore huh sorry if this offense but it's funny because baseball perspectives has been like their entire mission statement has been pissing off guys like that right for other reasons and now they're like doubling down they're saying hey we're going to call ourselves out on being problematic getting all the way in even though they created this entire movement that's going on correct where players are literally looked at as only assets correct like the Tampa Bay Tampa Bay Rays they have a roster laden they are all assets right they are thick their assets are prime and plump all right my hot seat is uh myself ready for this hank myself i'm on the hot seat for doubting

my friend henry lockwood because henry you said to me on monday that just you wait about uh the coco and your football teams well i'm sorry hank you were right this coronavirus thing we should probably shut down all the seasons because grandmertz has the coco and sodas chase wolf and they're thinking about canceling the wisconsin nebraska game and hank you were right thank you 100% you were right i know i appreciate your apology so i'm i'm sorry apology accepted what are you why you keep looking me up and he's eyeing you he's eyeing me he's sizing you up hard i sit directly across from you i have no choice all right but yeah this sucks everything sucks what are you gonna do vanden boom time vanden boom or just cancel the season and become like

maybe i'll just become dan woken yeah just be like they should never have played in begin with but also keep keep keep the one and no record your yeah dan woken cats dan woke cats yes that's i'm down for that like i'm down to just shift and be like you know what the big 10 was a bad idea yeah well i mean 21 days is a lot it's so stupid but god damn it is can i just admit to something yeah a hand up i have no idea what's the right amount of days i again i don't either 21 just feels it sounds like a lot of way too many days sounds like way longer than 14 days or even 10 days way too many you know what you can do to your body in 21 days i could completely transform my body in 21 days um all right my cool throne is uh everyone all the lebron haters out there because

officially an asterix on this uh title via pat riley ever heard of him he knows sports he knows basketball he said uh the other day they beat us fair and square they were the best team but there's always going to be an asterix that caveat if we had bam and goren goren was our leading score in the playoffs at 100 it could have gone to seven games or whatever mm-hmm that so there you go he said there it is and then someone asked to clarify because they're like hey dude sounds like you put an asterix on this whole thing and he's like uh let me just clarify real quick the asterix is next to the heat's name not the lakers their title is legitimate our loss has an asterix oh i like that the lakers were the better team so so the heat could kind of claim co-champions correct

correct okay so here's so it's not actually lebron hating it's just it's it's stating the fact that the heat would have been better we've finally figured out how this shakes out lebron and the lakers nba champions miami heat nba champions asterix correct they get the asterix correct correct congratulations jake to your 2020 miami heat nba champions thank you thank you jimmy butler great player yes number one overall asterix back to back 2021 that's huge uh billy you got her hot seat cool throne yes my hot seat is the united states of america now we've been waiting about we you know we've been talking about this for a long time we've been in a big denial about the whole thing but finally a murder hornet nest has been found within the united states borders

in washington yeah 100 to 200 murder hornets have been found but we stuck that thing dry right we stuck a vacuum up its ass the queen is still in the tree they have not been able to get it out how can you tell cut the tree down many murders have they committed yeah the murder hornets have arrived and they're breeding and they're here and we should be afraid why are you i'm not gonna refuse why can't we either until they murder someone they're they're not murderers they're they've murdered poor seas i hot seat us second degree we've been denying it we've been denying it for months and they're finally here lame ass you know what they are right now they're just trespassing hornets they're here yeah they haven't done shit billy you would hang out no i was in denial i was

in denial i was in denial but i think we should start taking them seriously okay so one here's some creative solutions one cut down the tree like begat said number two just like that entire area of the forest on it yeah burn the whole fucking forest right let's light the western forest on fire perfect all right cool throne stutter there otherwise there'd be murder hornets everywhere billy cool throne pirates okay pirates back off the coast of england heard there's some pirates oh really you did you you say that like you just like heard it like through i heard it like someone just was like hey billy you hear about these pirates there's there's some pirates where did you hear it i saw it on the internet there's pirates okay i don't know if they're doing traditional

billy's how to hang is just trying to get the like billy's sources out of uh-huh no no i mean pirates to be fair saying i saw it on the internet is better than most of billy's sources yes so like i heard of this guy i heard there's some pirates where okay tell me why they did the hijacking of the pirates they oil ship yeah the pirates hijacking the oil ship yeah but no but they haven't done a long time they made a whole movie about it cool throne i'm the captain now but that was like 10 years ago pirates are back no what that was about like present day no but there's pirates now right there was pirates when they made the movie right but that was like 10 years ago you think there was stop being pirates there there's been a pause the 10 year dormant period of pirates yeah pirates

were like oh damn tom hanks isn't a movie with us like we should probably tom hanks has COVID inspired more people to be pirates absolutely made the pirates look awesome yeah well now there's pirates i mean i didn't hear about pirates since then now there's a smaller pirate you'd be like damn they caught that pedophile let's all be pirates so we can catch a bunch of pedophiles exactly i don't actually yeah anyway next cool throne yeah my hedgehog outpicked leroy went wow four and two on the week past four days what happened a positive vibes building yes not very positive i mean leroy's still five and one down yeah it's pretty good anyway really just running up the score sad that you have to you have to drag others down to build yourself i'm just saying they went head

to head and hedgehog won okay okay uh great job all right good job billy good job uh all right let's get to our interview with michael ervin before we do that we told you about uh how we've been using amazon music for a while it's been amazing from the start but it just got better for a limited time you can get your first three months of amazon music unlimited for free that's access to 70 million songs so you can play the songs you want when you want on demand and add free for free for three months if you want to stream for free amazon music still has over a million podcast episodes at no charge along with thousands of stations and top playlists so go right now amazon music uh unlimited we've been using it we've been loving it you can do your hands free

listening with alexa you can do uh different stations it's awesome amazon music is the best you listen to everything uh for free for three months like we said you're gonna love amazon music unlimited as much as we do take advantage of this incredible offer today for a limited time you get three months of amazon music unlimited for free so we're giving it away for free go to amazon.com slash take that's amazon.com slash take to get your first three months of amazon music for free starts at $7.99 a month afterwards new subscribers only terms apply offer expires January 11th 2021 but go right now you can listen to this podcast you can listen to 70 million songs i listened to all my songs amazon music unlimited go to amazon music amazon.com slash

take amazon.com slash take right now and you get first three months absolutely free that is a great deal so go right now amazon.com slash take okay here he is michael ervin let's just get into it so we have michael ervin on uh pro football hall famer needs no real introduction three times Superbowl winner the playmaker you know him you love him cowboys miami legend uh so we're talking about you wearing being someone who doesn't have air pods and you have a cord just dangling out there all screwed up on let me look at them they look like a mask like this right here just like that right there just leave that like that that means action that means you got action on this you got action on the court so so are a lot of people yelling uh mike mike i want a picture and

you probably don't even have anything on in your ears you just have the cord you're doing the fake out right but listen and it's like and i don't mind taking pictures i really don't now but this this is the case you guys should get some of this you guys know you're the number one podcast so you know people like to take on the discussions that you've had and when they see you they want to get in what they got to get in because they watch you on tv or they watch you or they listen to you on the podcast and they'll come back and they might go away you remember two weeks ago when you were talking about the giants let me tell you something yeah when you said i'm like you do you know we've had a bunch of conversations and i have to so i try to keep moving from that now someone's up on me

and as long as we're not in a bar and there's alcohol around i don't mind taking a picture with you but now if we're in a bar and there's right we're out having a drink so don't ask me to take a picture in this bar there's nothing good coming out of that i'm a 50 year old man and we're sitting here and we got i just at restaurants outside we can do all of that but but not at a bar yeah and if you have one beer in your hand people assume that that's your 10th beer of the night no matter what after the picture is taken there's no context like actually i only had seven of them in three shots totally different get that taken out of context real fast well i want to talk to you right off the bat you said you came in hot to this real hot zoom call we asked you how you were doing

you said don't ask me that damn question i'm mad because you know the dallas cowboys are in the state that they're in right now uh you are very in tune with the dallas market with jerry jones what what's jerry inclined to do right now is he is he thinking about firing mike mccarthy i and i don't think jerry is ready to go there and i and i think what right now what's what's saving it all is everybody's being able to put what's happening on the pandemic you know well we've had situations and quite honestly though i'd give them no excuse for this i'm just giving the reality of this i don't think we've seen a team hit by injuries like the dallas cowboys i don't know if ever in the history of the nfl you're both officer tackles not just officer these two

pro bowlers gone yeah you're you're starting pro bowl center retires on you then the second guy he goes and get hurt he's out zack martin was the only guy that was consistent and then he's in and out of the lineup and then not only do you lose your whole officer line because guys i tell people all time if there's one guy missing you can kind of hide that in the midst of an officer line and you'll struggle when there's two guys but you're starting to get three and four missing you're back to back up guys and i jokingly say it all the time and i said the last week on our show like i don't want to hear that i don't want to hear nothing about damn officer lining listen i tell my kids when i do camps when i do football camps i tell all my young kids all my young

officer line i give them the rule the number three rule here's the number here's the rule of threes i mean the rule of threes when you grow up you're going to be 300 pounds the guy across from you he's 300 pounds all you have to do is stay in front of him for three seconds and some team will pay you 300 million dollars one day one day and i know it sounds crazy but that's really true and and by the time they get because these kids are eight nine ten years old right now by the time they get in the league that number will be apple po we got officer lining in a hundred million dollar contracts already so you're 300 pounds he's 300 pounds figure out a way to stay in front of him for three seconds and somebody will pay you 300 million millions okay so you are uh famously very competitive guy

one of the hardest workers you know the the stuff of legends in your workouts is there even a small part of you that sees the cowboys i know you love the cowboys you love jerry jones but they've never been the same since playmaker retired is there a small part of you that's like yeah that was because of me like i'm the guy it's just just uh yeah maybe a real small part yeah he's putting his hands apart even farther yeah and you don't do you bring up a great point to this and this is what i talk about now like imagine the position that that press card is in you know these are your guys i like dude when i got hurt in philadelphia and and 99 and i had to retire and i remember watching the game i was you know going to the game i want my boys to do well

because they're my boys but i also want to be missed right because i'm human you know what i'm saying yeah i want to know that i matter we all do every human being i don't care who you are how right as you think you are straighten just about you want to matter everybody wants to matter we all want affirmation and confirmation we want to matter so so so dak has to be sitting there saying oh my god you know those are my guys but but but i want to be missed and he and he should know he is being missed oh my god because what i see right now with any dog god blessing they were averaging 36 points a game with dak and now they're averaging 60 that's 30 points if i'm back i'm saying jerry every time you try somebody else out there he's making me money so

this is you know back to this table let my leg get healed up and you give me my money yeah yeah it's an interesting thing yeah you want you we want you guys to do well and that's that's a conundrum but you want to be missed yeah i appreciate the honesty there because some guys won't won't admit that but i think you're absolutely right i know i'm a football player you know i'm with my team i want my team to do well stop you gotta you just stop it we're all human i actually think that if you had that attitude where it was like yeah you are not wanting to be missed you're you know not a little bit upset that they're surpassing what they were doing with you you're probably not the football guy to lead that team to begin with that's probably not the right attitude to have like you want to

do that's always going to be competitive and do let me it's a fine line between that right because that's you're absolutely right and that's the setting now if you say that openly then people you know they want to they want to ostracize you oh my god you know you selfish person there's a fine line between greatness and there's a fine line to how you accomplish greatness and i think i think there has to be a thin line between when you are selfless and selfish all the time every every day i'm out on practice fill a play i want to lift my guys up i want to lift them up and raise them up i want to bring put make put the best i can and help them become the best they can be but fourth and five with the game on the line that's playmaker time yeah and i better right now call to me

dak prescott wouldn't say publicly or around his teammates at least like hot look at that look at new suckers right now without me but he will probably get to sleep like a little bit more soundly at night knowing that he's going to have that financial security and he's going to be the guy moving forward after uh after he heals up from that leg when he got hurt i guarantee you he was concerned he'll never say it and i love him i love him to death he's a great dude great friend i love him to death when he got hurt i guarantee you worry when you saw that crying when he was leaving all of that weight on his head you just brought up all of that weight on his head put over the last two weeks watching this watching the team go without him then his head is calmed down

and he's saying right now yeah my money will be there now i just focus on the leg my money will actually might be the best negotiating technique that he's used so far um so so i mentioned the uh famous workouts and in your work ethic can you walk us through for the for the young people that listen to our show might not you know know might not remember michael ervin in his prime what it looked like maybe during the height of the cowboys and the height of your partying how much like what time would you get into the work you know practice how late would you stay out practice then back out what would it look like on a on a given week well okay and here's how good honestly guys and i'll be totally flat with you and up up front with you and frank with you

because really i talk about it all the time and what i what i was trying to do what i did what i did i could have done things another way but but what i always did like i could party and have a great time and jimmy would tell us we went to super bowl he's like go get away for a couple months and i would get away i had some oh i mean you you know uh February and march all of February i'm everywhere doing everything i am absolutely everywhere doing everything wowling out i mean having a blast to be honest with you somebody asked said michael how did how did all of it become a problem why did all of it become a problem i said because it was so fun what do you mean it was so fun nobody goes into it saying man i'm gonna have a problem with this you know you're going to

sit man this this is fun i'm having fun and the fun overtakes you and i was it's okay to have a problem it's a problem when the problem has you now for all of my life i could do all of this thing partying fun having fun chasing women out drinking doing all that stuff chasing catching women uh doing all of that stuff doing all of that stuff but i did it up till march my birthday is march 5th the second weekend in march which always fell out of my birth is when we started back training so i would always have a blast and then i had a big one big time party oh wowl out girls we're getting high everything and then after that i started training and i never did anything while i was training now during the week of practice all we would do is thursday night we

would go out that was our night out thursday night because friday's a light day and and thursday night would be the day tonight and we all go out we go over to place cowboy cafe we have dreams you know mess around chase girls do whatever have a good time but it was really team bonding moments it was the moments i would say talk to biggie and say hey man like you know we have chicken wings and some drinks about four weeks from now before we got ridgy white you're gonna have ridgy white i only ridgy white gonna build you the middle stuff defense is coming in and you know you know how you get guys they talking about it over drinks you know it's all good over drink four weeks later i don't have to be in his ear i know i all i do is come up to him i said big fella

you remember when we talked about over the cafe so i got no more but i got him because that that was the bonding moment yeah um well i got lost well i got lost and into the partings to have a good time is when i retired when i retired right and i go through february i'm having i'm getting high having a great time and then march comes around and i'm still having a good time and then april comes around i said okay enough of this now i got to get focused on what i want to do next i'm no longer playing football in all of the years prior to that you know i never flunked a drug test never done anything i was always able to stop i was always able to stop but now i could not stop i found myself saying that's it i'm not doing this anymore and then the next weekend

be right back out there doing it and i had to figure i had to get some counseling on it and find out what it was all i was doing was switching addictions at the time i was switching addictions and when i no longer had the football addiction to get out of the old addiction the old addiction what would take over i thought that was fascinating because once i learned it i was able to mitigate it and help it and said okay i just got to find something else to throw myself into like i did football to come out of this and and and that's what i did so what was that thing initially that you threw yourself into that you're like i got to find a new addiction a healthy addiction to get me away from the destructive addiction well i got it first of all i walked in a service and and

basic td jakes was there and this was a phenomenal man i love him to death man and and and and i and he was preaching a sermon called coming out the rain i'll never forget the sermon coming out the rain and he was talking about yeah you he said i know it felt like he was talking right to me he said yeah i know everybody knows who you are you got the nice cars and the big houses and you got on the nice clothes but people don't know that you're soaking wet in pain he says today's your day to come in out the rain and i was like that's talking right to me yeah that's it right there i mean that was talking right to me so i went laid down on the altar and he came over because there's a lot of people laying down on often he laid his hands on me and then he starts saying he said you

know he spoke about he spoke to me he said you know he put me in front he said a lot of people have been talking a lot about what's going on but god can fix everything god can fix it for you and and and when i got up what he did he said michael i want i want to make sure i want to make sure that you you get what you need he said i want you you're going to travel with me so i was traveling with bishop jakes i was at all my beer i mean i carried the bibles every time we were at la new york wherever he had to go speak took me with him i would carry his bible set his bible up on the stands and everything and he would mentor me and all the moments between time i would see the things that he was doing and and it was just fast and we were in la one time he was speaking and we were

staying over at uh at our bevelly wilson the bevelly wilson is what we were staying at the bevelly wilson and i said to him we were walking around and and this guy had a rose voice and i was like man literally this is what i was looking at cars the other day man this car 450 thousand dollars man why would you spend that kind of money on a car man this dude is crazy and and he got upset with me he was like son are we learning anything here am i wasting my time i said what what do you mean i'm just saying i wouldn't spend 450 thousand dollars on a car i mean it's going to get me to the next place just like the 30 40 50 thousand dollar car you know he says listen though he's a listen you wouldn't spend it on a car but you spent it chasing women flying all over the country

doing all that crazy stuff he said so why would you mess with another man if you know you got your own issues i never thought about it like that i mean he was absolutely right i said i never thought about it like that and it opened my eyes like okay let me get off that and what's so funny is after all of that i went and brought the damn car anyway i still i got the car now because yeah if you spend the money on that then that's less than you can spend on the bad shit you're trying to get away from yeah there you go that's a good investment michael since i wasn't well well no cars are investment depreciating soon as you leave a lot but but since i wasn't doing that i had the extra dough to go buy the car yeah so i went and bought the car anyway and i just thought that was

that was a fascinating lesson for me to learn uh and i just appreciate all that you did we walked in steve harvey was doing a radio show right and i walked in as an armor bear for bishop is steve harvey when i when we walked in steve harvey was on the air he said he said oh my god he said everybody bishop jakes just walked in and he said oh my god because you guys know how much trouble i was getting in at the time he said guess who he just walked in with he said coming up next bishop jakes and the man he walked in here with and i'm gonna tell you if god can save this man god can save anybody that mix on the steve what was that i was like what was that but but i i i guess he was right yeah i could say you mean he could save anybody yeah um i this might be a

dumb question well not dumb question but a very simple question what was it like to play on a team that was so dominant like what was it like to go into a super bowl being like we got this like there i'm not worried about it did it how what was that feeling like to be on such a dominating force of nature of a team which was the cowboys in the 90s it was absolutely nothing like it was a high uh it was a high above all highs and probably why i got lost in the other stuff because i was looking for that kind of a high you you'll never find it you'll never find it when you get 53 men that are going out on a football field and we're going we're coming to impose our wheel nothing you can do about this but nothing you can do about it i just tell guys hey your mom

brother dad it's just an uncle cousin niece and nephew know they're throwing the ball to me on third and eight and there's nothing any of you can do about it there's nothing you can do about it you just gotta endure this there's nothing that's the kind of high but now to that though we didn't start that way right you know what made it great for us is and why we never lost our way as a team and never started talking about each other and me we started like my first year there at 88 we were three and 13 i came in from from miami or national championship i may have lost two games three games in my whole college career i mean we were we were tearing people up and then i get the Dallas and the first thing i say when i get drafted cowboy was going to the superbowl because i

thought i was the key we got him now any white get ready you're going to get the mvp you get in the pro bowl we're going to the superbowl and i was such a short loser man we started that first game i remember pittsburgh my first game i catch a curl wrap rob witson right that few i take this thing the distance i'm like this is easy i'm about to kill this league man after i scored that touchdown they scored they scored they scored they scored we didn't score anymore we lost that game and i was absolutely boohoo crying in my locker room and there were guys coming up to me and this this this this i'll never forget this coming up to me say hey man come on now because i was literally tear crying i was you know you said come on man you got to get this in our field we don't do that

in nfl just pick up that check on tuesday that blew my mind i'm thinking i've been working my ass off all my life to get here because i want to compete with the best and all you guys are talking about is picking up a check on tuesday oh my god we went three and thirteen that year the next year kimmy johnson came in and coach my coach in college dude when jenny came in y'all know as brothers we got this thing i ain't no snitch it's a big thing in the black community i ain't no snitch i ain't no snitch man jenny came in trust me i was like it was like santa i made a list i checked it twice every dude every dude that touched me and said don't worry let's pick up that check on tuesday i said coach he gotta go he gotta go he gotta go he got we got rid of all of them i said we can't

win with that yeah we cannot win with that and then you know we we still went one and fifteen that following year yeah so so you know when troy came in one and fifteen they ended came in we went seven and nine but even in the midst of seven and nine i felt the beginning of what you talked about that dynasty coming together where we were we were walking in any stadium and we knew that we were going to win it's not even a matter or if we were going to win it was how many points you think we'll beat them by right you know so so so i thought that it's funny you bring it up because i as i said in the thinking about it the other sunday watching games i said to myself watching new england i said i remember the moment the dynasty ended deon came to me and we were talking about something

and i said to deon i said buddy it's over i said it's over we would not have that feeling when we walk in and say how many points are we winning by now we were we were going to these games now saying okay can we win these games and as i watched new england the other day lose that game that's the thing i thought about i said i wonder if anybody's in the locker room saying the dynasty's over yeah and by the way so pft and i are both 35 years old so we remember like basically the first football memories are the cowboys winning super bowls and this was a feeling at the time like i remember being like oh it's not the cowboys are gonna win it's just like are they gonna embarrass the bills like that wasn't that was the it was almost like a like it's a foregone conclusion

we're gonna watch the game maybe it'll be close hopefully it'll be close like that was back when the super bowl was always a blowout but this was a feeling this wasn't like just a you know hindsight's 2020 it felt like this at the time in the super bowl right yeah do you feel bad about just destroying the buffalo bills like not letting them win one super bowl is there a small part of michael ervin where you're like man that was kind of a dickhead thing for me to do absolutely not i would tell you the only thing i get on the fire get upset about if we should have had the record right now for most points in the super bowl we scored 52 in that first super bowl and you guys we we always believe that hey you know the super bowl is really the nfc championship game it was us

from san francisco us the green bay at the time you know for winning that game we scored 52 points you know i scored two touchdowns in 18 seconds two offensive touchdowns 18 seconds this should be at least one of my records that show lasts forever at least i will be in the books forever with two touchdowns in 18 seconds but but later in that game leon let we get a fumble and leon let is running all the way back and he if he scores this touchdown you know we're at 59 points that's a record to this day you know but he he pulls out he holds his hand holds the ball out because that's what i used to do when i went across the goal line wide open and don bd put knocked the ball down i was so hot at cat i was like leon you asked me did i feel bad about beating them

52 to 17 no i'm like can't we should have had 59 it would have been a super bowl record how could you mess up yeah i was trying to do that thing you did come across the guy said you're a lineman there's no sweet in lineman just get the damn ball in the end zone don't try to do that stuff but but no didn't feel bad about it whatsoever what i do what i will say is i do feel bad that while i was in it i didn't see it like i see it and we talked about all the things that we did i did in all season i i look back now i wish that maybe if i didn't do those things i could have squeezed more super bowls out you know i could have won more and you don't think about it at the time could you know but but when you move past that time and look back on it you're like man

i should have done more i could have done more but but but but but i i i i gotta try i'm i'm blessed we won three of them even though i think we should have won five or six this interview with michael ervin is brought to you by draft top one of the official sponsors of the barstool sports book house their bar tool that's what they call it the draft top bar tool is designed to remove the top of aluminum beverage cans this is pretty much the best invention of all time you can drink topless you'll love what cans have to offer when you can cut that top off them it'll become smooth no sharp edges it's an incredibly smooth edge it safely turns turns your can into a cup the bar tool is american made you can experience the full aroma of your drink right out of the can it's

perfect for adding garnishes or mixing drinks you ever try to squeeze like a uh a slice of lime into a tucate a can of tucate it's basically impossible to do if you have the bar tool slice it right off the top toss it in there put your fruit in enjoy your beer as the brewer intended go to drafttop.com use the promo code stoolies get 15 off your purchase of draft top today i'm actually ordering one right now because this is extremely handy it's a great device we love the guys over at draft top get your draft top bar tool today by going to draft top.com and use the promo code stoolies to get 15 off your purchase today and now more michael ervin you mentioned the don bb chase down on leon lett uh we saw dk meccaf chase down buda baker on sunday night football

incredible like i coach dk i'm one of his strength and conditioning and speed coaches i think i'd done my job very well uh that to me very well yeah thank you appreciate the couple that and the buda baker and the larry allen chased down block i think you were on that cowboy's team right when larry allen chased down the saint's linebacker his ass is 350 360 pounds right outrunning a linebacker to the corner and uh and just wrapping him up like he's a like he's a cornerback essentially what chase down block do you think or what chase down tackle do you think is the most impressive out of all those both are impressive now and let's break this down here larry allen at 340 pounds 330 pounds running like that is out of this world and larry allen i thought was to change

that he was the first one to start changing right we're playing i had neat noon and decarred derrick canard he's a big 340 pound i mean they jolly guys you know what i mean if they walked in the door right now the jolliness walks in two minutes before the body and then when they leave they're still jolly shaking two minutes after they leave larry allen was the first guy i saw that was 340 pounds built all solid all solid like a like a lot like a wide receiver that's 340 pounds we were playing basketball in the all season one day and larry allen took over larry i dropped the ball off the larry larry took one step one step 330 pounds though so when i indulge the ball dude when he dunked i swear i swear to y'all this true story he dunked the ball

the whole damn goal fell on him it fell down he had the rims like across on his neck he bleed his head bleeding and i said i said he said you know marvel what you want me to do with it i took the rim off i got this big fella i said you just give me this you got to go over to the training over at the complex we got to get to the complex you know i i told him the gym people here is my number we'll pay for it we'll pay for it i need to get him over here you just call us and everything i mean i was so blown away with his talent now you're seeing that and all a lot of liners tyron smith all these guys look like 340 pounds the dk met cap think about it when i played you had the big guy to catch the ball in the intermediate and then you had a small fast guy

to go deep dk met cap is an amalgamation of all of it he's the big guy that is the fast guy that's how athletics and that's how it's grown it's been phenomenal dude dk is off the chain yeah right now that's where i receive it in the NFL we watched him because i was at the combine you know him and antonio brown we were all talking when they were coming out at the combine right and and these two guys come up and say man my man y'all everybody's sleeping on us they're sleeping on us i said what do you mean you know i'm sleeping on you man i'm telling you we're the best receivers in this draft class i'm like okay okay and then and then you start a big guys even at the combine they were talking about well they don't transition in and out of breaks good enough they're big the

two spirits and all of that stuff but they went to the right place they they broke them along the right way dk met cap finish time with russell wilson you know russell i interviewed him he's talking about all the things that he talked about with dk um as they worked out during coven in the office if you imagine being mentored by russell wilson yeah doesn't get any better than that doesn't get any better than that and russell said the kid's only 22 years old russell was like he looked like a gremlin happy like that he's only 22 he just extended my career yeah i got some here i'm gonna be playing i'm gonna go put on me some pain my pain many type numbers no more obese mode this is my mom and that's why they're saying now let rus cook because he has

a chef that's working with him named dk met yeah so so so great job by you buddy in the job that you're doing yeah um what's up with uh the you what mean you guys are never gonna be back miami like what's going on okay you fix this yeah you know what man listen i i i don't know if because i i say this i'm happy to see where they are right now but when they played against clumson you saw the difference you're good there's a difference between good and great in elite in elite and right now clumson is elite miami it's it's it's it's leaving good getting towards a great football team i mean they're doing some good things right now but getting back to what we were i mean the record is still intact we have 15 straight home home wins home victories i i would think that maybe

alabama or somebody had no clips that by now but but no it's still a record so it says it speaks to what we did at that time and i just think it's it's it's something to try to accomplish it again your cowboys are going through it trying to accomplish it again once you let it go it's hard to put it all back together even though i think they're trending now finally in the right direction this is pretty much the nfl network can never let you go because every time you leave some places it goes to shit right hey buddy i appreciate you know what that was good right i need you talking to them i need you talking i need i need you in my next negotiation yes just be like look at you look at the you look at the cowboys you really want to do this and and and when i played for

miami in the 80s they were the team of the 80s when i played for miami in the 90s they were the team well i played for dallas in the 90s they were the team of the 90s rich rich rich rich rich uh my guy always says that riz del report who's a pr for for the dallas cowboys he said one constant in both of those were my core of it now i hope the nfl network hears that and in our next negotiation you can help me with yes so yes so michael you're uh obviously a very competitive guy you were talking about playing basketball with larry allen earlier and just like you know being physical all the time was there what was up with your with your bullshit soft foul calls in the longest yard it's all it's irritated a lot of us watching that movie that's a good question

you're calling it samler who's like five foot eight you're calling him for like his elbows being too sharp and he and you know it's a great too i that movie i love the movie and i love that they play it all the time they play the movie all the time it's always on because they send me those what 79 cent checks that they call residuals i'm like i you know and and during the movie was so great about it i remember when they first called me to do that guy my favorite movie my favorite one of my favorite movies was the longest job with burt realo the original yeah so i was like man i don't want to i don't know if we should touch this i don't know we should touch it but but adam i thought they did a great job with it one of the things he did he let me do i told him i said adam

you know i was reading the script i said this doesn't really sound like me i said what you have here doesn't sound like me so i tell you what michael you rewrite it he said keep keep make sure if it's within a joke like baby back bitch yeah i have to keep that in there because there were big robot baby back you know he played with so i had to keep that part in there but but but he said i'll let you read you write what you need to write but keeping it around the same area he said he said and if it sounds good we'll use it if it doesn't make sure you know what we wrote and then he said to me he said but i understand this you're not getting any writing credit if you use your own stuff and you're not getting any more money if you use your own stuff so so so he did let me he let

me write and use my own stuff and even in that basketball scene that you're talking about i kept seeing how how hard do you want me to go how real he said go hard he said do it i want to make it as real as possible so i was like okay i can hit you and beat you up a little bit he said yeah beat me up i said the checks still gonna clean he said they're still clean i said okay then let's do this and so we we did have fun shooting that scene um can we talk about some of your tweets because you got some good tweets you tweet you tweet from the heart um let's talk about this one the the one from january 2014 all caps man when we played in that cold weather we was cold right now get this i speak for a living i speak for a living i know it's we work cold but no that's

not even the funny part it's just like you're basically implying that it was colder it's not as cold anymore it's like this pussy ass weather's gotten warmer which i guess you could say let me tell you how this all happened and this was my ignorance too right right because i was well back then what i had just started tweeting it and messing with people right and it was doing games and and and and somebody was saying stuff and i if i was so i was tweeting back at them literally on purpose like that because if you notice i said something else but that that one didn't didn't didn't carry over like this i was saying like uh boy them boys show is hitting hard not show are hitting those guys show are hitting hard so he is hitting hard you know because i was laughing

everybody me make would have been you can't talk like this and i was just laughing and putting more stuff out there never knowing that this is going to live forever people i i was so ignorant what when when was that date again 2014 that's when i first started that's i didn't know yeah that will be a 2020 that has more retweets than anything i've ever accomplished in my life but is it true is it true was it cold were you cold back then when it was cold it's out if we're playing in cold weather it's cold that was the whole thing that's the whole thing yeah i'm messing with people you know but i it's so funny and now all the people that see it now they didn't say wow what a dummy who writes like this you know what i mean they don't know that just of it was around us having

some fun with people on twitter doing the football game that we were watching it was a cold football well i love that one and whenever there is a cold game it becomes appropriate and then the other one was um and everybody reads yeah every time it's cold game the other one is a great just take you said this was more recent you said since i'm not a beer drinker maybe it's just me but i believe the corona beer should not be running their commercials at this time sorry i want to hear how a corona gets its lime while the corona virus is getting lives yeah and i was serious with that even though we joked about it i thought just let's pull it back right now yeah you know it well and this is what what caught me i was watching some some some broadcast and they

were talking about how many lives corona virus had taken and then the next thing out of that was a commercial about cor and i understand that they had nothing to do with anything i understand that i understand that one had nothing to do with the other but as we always talk about in this business the optics didn't look good the optics you know i was i'm feeling something emotional here about losing people to this and i don't know maybe maybe we should have just talked about it as covid-19 and help corona beer out but what coming off corona virus just took 200 and 300 thousand lives and then i got a corona beer commercial coming on right after that talk about if corona gets his line it was just i just thought the optics the optics it wasn't good and and it was

yeah that's why i tweeted that that was i like yeah the timing was just a little strange i think that's what it comes down to uh one of my favorite appearances that you've ever had on television was back in 2018 when you debated the great steven a smith on first take about the dallas cowboys i think it was before a titan's cowboys game maybe a night game and he was like doing his thing wearing his big cowboy hat i don't think i've ever seen a sweatier human being in my life urban on that set did you was that real sweat when you were yelling at steven a smith or did you like splash water on your face beforehand no no no for some reason and i had him on my podcast you know i swear to you i had him on the podcast and i was sitting there talking to him it's

something about him you know steven he was a great friend of mine we both started over at fox sports net with best damn sports show you know we were working that show together way back in the day and he's a great friend of mine so we just get into these heavy debates this we don't just do this on tv i mean you know the other day yes uh sunday when i'm on he's tweeting what mike what garbage are you talking about on tv right now about the cowboys you know so so even when we talk personally we're still in those heavy debates and when i had him on my podcast i said i said i asked what i said i said steven a on again and as i'm sitting there talking to him i started sweating again for some reason this joker just makes me sweat for something it's not like i'm

nervous i do tv right five times a week you know what i mean but for some reason this joker gets under my skin and makes me sweat but but i love him we have we have great fun man i'll bless so we though guys really to be talking about sport talking and doing the things that we do and being able to call it a job yeah like are you joking yep are you joking like when i come home sometimes man and i come home and people ask can you go do this can you i was like what do you mean like i'm in new york on monday's in tuesday i'm with i'm winston thursday i'm wherever the thursday night football game is friday saturday and sunday i got a b in l.a i'm only home on tuesday nights right and sunday nights and you guys have wanted me to go do this go do this

go this i've been working all week you know what they say to me you've been working you've been watching football games and talking yeah you see yes so so but it is it is work and we're blessed to have you have an opportunity to call it a job yeah you're right and you're you have a podcast which uh just came out what was like a month ago uh the michael urban podcast mip but you're right like when we're sitting here on sunday we watch 12 hours of football and then talk and it's i'm tired but then i have to think and be like wait i'm tired but i'm also living the dream yeah right right right right but but get this now get this get this and let me help you with your tire i get more tired at this than i did at playing and let me explain that which which is fun which

is fascinating here think about it like i could play a game you play game play arizona 210 yards in that game man i remember lorenzo linked the first first and warm up we're playing the cardinals what cardin what cardinals the cardinals and this guy lorenzo like michael michael i'm gonna be with you on day you you suck i was like oh okay i was you know i was thanks for waking me up thanks for waking me up today right first second player game i go 87 yards i ended up with 210 yards in that day that game killed this guy killed this guy i go home i should be exhausted after that day but i can't sleep my mind is racing i'm thinking about the play that i should have made to play the god away forget the 210 yards forget the three touchdowns i should have had 300 yards and five

touchdowns and my mind races all night that's why after a game most guys do a lot of drinking because their mind is racing all night about what went on in the game you should have done this or could have done this we could have won we could have done this you know you can't rest your mind is racing your body is exhausted but your mind is racing so you're having a few drinks they try to not go to sleep just pass out just pass out but in in this when you're exhausted you're exhausted here in the mind in the body when the body is exhausted the mind is still raised when the mind is exhausted it's shut down that's right it's shut down and i said wow that's that's interesting i mean i i get i'm on shut down sometimes after a long sunday and i never was

shut down after a long game on sunday yeah yeah no it's a good point it's a good point respect the media guys out there that not only harder it's harder to watch podcast than it is to play sports i agree with that yeah totally great point also my body is exhausted at the end of the day because we eat like buffalo wings and just Chinese lunch to slumped over in a chair so yeah yeah it's harder to podcast than to play in the nfl players have great posture we have our bodies are just attacking themselves yeah all sunday i just say i i'm helping people understand how the body works no you said yeah i would know i think that is somebody that hasn't played in the nfl but since you i mean you're you're a hall of famer you've done both so it makes sense physical exhausting

there's physical exhausting but but but mental exhaustion is it is more exhausting yes is how i should say that yeah before we let you go i had a uh a little birdie tell me that you had a thing with white t shots like some background white t shots what's that about yeah and i just learned about white t's white t shots because you know i i'm a vodka drinker you know i'm gonna drink vodka cranberry and and and every every time i'm if i'm in any place what do i always get guys always i i order a drink you're a big black guy you drinking that little soft drink like yeah that's what i drink i'm gonna have a vodka cranberry so they always want to have shots and they always want to do tequila and i can't do that stuff man so so my boy one of my boy's friend of mine

he was he he was telling me about that he was telling me he said man i take green tea and i said what is green tea he was explaining me green tea he said but there's this shot called a white tea it's green tea with vodka i'm like oh okay so now i have something when you know see you out people i'm at dinner can i buy you a shot like i don't want any tequila but you can get me a white tea so now a white tea has become has become my shot to drink i just i love that you go to drink that's safe because yeah if you stay up just ripping vodka or ripping tequila two or three of those and you're gonna have a bad night white tea it's like a third of a drink for one and you still look like you're partying and i can still do some functioning the next day you know it's funny

i there's a comedian i love a comedian comedian he was talking about tequila he said you can tell how your date is going to go by what the girl orders and it's a funny comedian i don't forget who it was he said she orders a glass of wine you may be sitting in there talking about a family down the road somewhere you're gonna be talking about what do you want to do getting back he said she orders a beer y'all may be talking some sports you might have something right there you know if she orders tequila you just turn around say yeah i'm in there tonight because tequila anytime she orders tequila you're in there tonight and i think that's i guess in my experience that has proven to be true if you order a fireball just get ready to pay the $200 uber

surcharge for cleaning the cab out later tequila is the party start right yeah right the tequila tequila is the party start all right so my last question for you uh michael this has been great uh final question brought to you by cross country mortgage america's crazy good mortgage company go to ccmlens.com slash take to learn more about your future home buying experience or refinancing needs equal housing opportunity the current cowboys will end where we started so what is your read on the players basically kind of calling out the coaching staff and is that fair or foul like from your perspective do you think mike mccarthy's in trouble do you think it's fair that the players are saying hey this system doesn't really work for us this defense

isn't working where do you land on that well obviously and we don't know the depth of what transpired prior to that getting out you know what if these guys have gone to and i know i do know i know some of it i know some of these guys have gone to coaches and tried to make these uh situations better by talking to them and for they got rid of some people that were talking that they were talking about the issues that were going on on the football team so so it so so now you get people saying well all right that's out of bounds for these guys to go to the media not if they've exhausted yeah all other means i know mike mccarthy has come out and said you know i have an open door policy your door can be open and you can let people come in and spit words

but did you really listen and did you adjust anything so having an open door policy is not enough you got to have an open door or open ear and an open mind with an open heart to really make hate on those things and say okay listen i'm willing to listen and then you argue about are we talking about people leaking into the press like stop it this this is part of business this has been going on forever we have insiders because people get information that nobody else supposed to have that's why we pay them so they get information and you guys are leaking stuff from inside so stop talking about the process of what happened and talk about the process of how to fix what happened and then you'll be on the right path yeah that's a good point those are really good

points well what do you think they do to follow up on that real quick are they going to try to stick with andy dalton after seeing what they've seen from them are they going to go to uh to denuchi gucci denuchi are they going out are they going to bring somebody else in i will be stealing that buddy yeah go for jaymu legend i will draw i will steal that i think they're going they'll have to if he's safe and if clis protocol they'll they'll go back with with andy dawg i mean that that's why they brought him in you you don't want me to say anything about the guy that keeps walking by the camera i mean i mean we are not saying anything we was running out yeah no right we just can't keep walking by without we say he's got a very small bladder you need to drain every 15 seconds

yes i understand i have that small bladder too i want to sue the nfl for that because you're all the people like we sue them with concussions and all of that i told people i said listen they made me take so many drug tests and i had to hold my pee so much because i if i got peed early and i couldn't take a drug test it would be you know considered positive that i believe i destroyed my bladder and i want to sue them for that you know i think you have i think you have a case you would like you would like to pee in the morning and you'd be like i can't i can't finish peeing because i know that i might have to have some for later you would store pee oh no it doesn't affect me that way it's just right now you know like i used to be able to hold it and wait and

wait and wait and i must have done something because now oh my god and maybe when i gotta go to the bathroom it's look out i'm ready put your hands in there you try to squeeze down on it to make sure nothing and then you get in there and you let out going to and it's everywhere it's like so so i i think they destroyed my bladder man with all them tests man i want some compensation for that yes all right well we'll be your legal team for that but uh michael this has been awesome we appreciate everyone go listen to the mip podcast the michael ervin podcast we really appreciate it man uh you're a recurring guest now so you have to come back on whenever we ask when the cowboys have their next implosion and everyone's laughing about him we'll have you on to laugh in your face

about it okay well i'll see you next monday that's what we're talking about yes all right thanks so much man see you hey thanks guys appreciate it guys keep doing what you're doing guys anytime you can have number one by your name and you've accomplished something i like to talk on my podcast you know i instantly i had daryl johnson on this time because i said i want i was i was going to bring somebody else on but i watched the game last sunday and i said to myself okay i'm i gotta bring daryl did the game i said i'm bringing daryl johnson on not to break down and analyze the cowboys but this is to do the autopsy on the cowboys you break down and analyze that that is a lot you do autopsy on that that is dead and that right there seems like it is dead yeah but keep doing what you

guys do man and keep telling the story so other guys like you can hear it and hopefully inspire them to do great things keep walking your journey guys i appreciate you having me thanks so much michael appreciate it all right guys thanks guys that interview with michael ervin was brought to you by zirpro cruder when it comes to scoring great hires for your business you might be up against some obstacles like maybe there are tons of applicants but difficulty finding the right ones for your job or maybe you're finding time to hire and that can be tough to do while you're running your business plus you're trying to ensure workplace safety all that stuff is why you need zirpro cruder on your team no matter the industry health care to manufacturing to business services

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guys on chicks henry what do you got hey guys my 35 year old boyfriend keeps buying sneakers uh sub hank and our darling jake my boyfriend watches a lot of hgh hg tv i used to catch him with it on sometimes and he would immediately change it but now he just watches with no shame multiple hours of the day i feel like this is a little odd for guys to do what are your thoughts i think that means he's probably a handyman so that's yeah so i like yeah i think he's he's trying to get more involved in things going on around the house like all that's gonna do is he's gonna if you watch hg tv you're gonna try and do something yes yeah or well you could also just watch hg tv g tv all day like i've done like if i watch hg tv i'd be like all right let's

fucking knock a wall down or something yeah so there's a danger that he's either gonna try to do something awesome for you or he's gonna try to do something really fuck up the entire house while trying to do it yeah so maybe ask him to like try his hand redesigning a closet before you have him do anything like in the bathroom or those i was gonna say just install bidet yes there's some shows that are just pretty much a hundred percent we're gonna put a bidet into this person's house so when they shit it's better they're great at like marathon watches i feel like that's the best hg tv you just get sucked in i always like it at the end when they do the the shots of the before and after and then it just dissolves yeah it swipes into the new room

to me that's like almost as sexy as a time lapse uh-huh my boyfriend thinks it's weird i have a list of baby names on the notes section of my phone that i've had for years and add to it whenever i think of another good name yep is this weird and are there any guys out there that keep a list of names too yeah totally uh i keep a list of names are just like whatever athletes they like yeah it's pretty much athletes and then maybe your own dad that's that's as far as our creativity goes on that one the yes that is a little weird to have like a list just rocking around a list it's it's not that it's weird it's just probably very intimidating to be like oh we got this planned already uh-huh it's less weird to have that list than to have a list of every baby that you've met

i think that would be that would be stranger you know no i'm just saying that would be stranger make her feel better a cool baby uh this is even really questions more of this baby is Alice she had a great great bowtie in her hair hey pmt my boyfriend always wants to come on my forehead and take his thumb and spread it like around like mufasa fake but hilarious but hilarious we've heard this before yeah but hilarious who wrote out heard it but the lion thing but hilarious my boyfriend is literally the apple of my eye i love him with my whole heart but since this pandemic i lost my job and he's been keeping us afloat financially she's spelled financially wrong oh once i get another income i obviously going to pay him back in the meantime how do i show him extra appreciation

for everything he is doing for us that's sweet that is sweet that's really nice make him some pancakes oh that's a good one pancakes um just if you get up before him at all just do like one thing every day before he gets up and he'll think that you've been up for hours yeah make him holy shit she's amazing make him coffee every morning like that would be if you just hand him a mug of coffee yeah before he goes to work it's like oh my god this is incredible what are you gonna say billy be respectful but what are you gonna say suck his dick no laundry and like no what like folding vacuum laundry sandwiches don't nag him when he's watching football you know chick shit little play video games with his boys yeah you're about to say that billy i'd like you

i'd like you to apologize billy we should start doing billy like life advice we're a key to a great a key to a great marriage is letting your husband play video box with his boys no i make a mistake and give him pj once a month suck his dick while he's in the gulag you know i call it really open minded person yeah you are you are actually billy's actually just been reading but like the dialogue from the damn bills area isn't it stupid when like you know like when chicks don't suck you did no shut up when like watching the game with the way it's like suck like you get something and it's like i don't really like this like maybe like coffee i don't know never mind just what like if someone like put like made you like a espresso or some shit like you're like i don't like this

you're like it's like you say girl coffee i don't know girls always goes like coffee and stuff and then there's like oh i made you call it like coffee girl coffee why is it why is this coffee tastes good yeah kind of fucking girl coffee anyway anyway two pecs women uh hey pmt boys especially titan's hater big cat i'm in my mid 20s not a tight recently came to the realization that i am not the intellectual i grew up thinking i was i on a roll student because meeting guys in grad school makes me feel dumb and hopelessly blonde but i also know i'm not looking for a guy who's only interested in superficial things i am stuck somewhere in between uh so do you guys have any advice on where to find mid 20s somethings who are also in betweeners aka dudes

who aren't trying to be the smartest but also aren't loitering at the local drive-through the bar i mean go to a bar yeah i'd say so i would say it's not the drive-through the guys who are driving through the local drive-through that's like one step above just hanging out next to it trade school coin in their pocket trade schools that's good like the pipe fitters union those guys those guys are hard work yeah they're fucking i wish i had his skills like that honestly i feel like i like if i could redo everything i'd just have like a really sick skill if you watch enough hgtv it's basically the same thing uh yeah trade school is not bad community colleges just hang out at a bar all right last one uh pft and big hat my boyfriend won't ever splurge

for actually you know what just wear a part of my take sweatshirt seriously like i feel like we i feel like the majority of our listeners are as average as it gets yeah we don't have like men suck their dick and then oh well what uh i mean billy yeah that's perfect trade self-identify we'll put like one billy football sweatshirt up for sale they'll be like get come talk to me i'll get you grow that can do both let you play video games and give you blow jobs in the gulag i'm a lot more than that for people out there the lifts as well into sport science hey uh pft and big hat my boyfriend won't ever splurge for himself in a night out no matter the occasion he always just orders some basic chicken entree at first i felt bad but now it's just annoying our anniversary

we go out to a fancy place i order steak and shrimp combo he orders the house chicken cheapest thing on the menu i offer to pay to encourage him to order something more special occasion like but he doesn't most of the time he doesn't let me pay but even when he does he just gets one of the cheapest things on the menu yeah i ask him why and express my frustration he says things like it's what i like and i'm a simple guy but clearly he would want more wouldn't he i mean don't get me wrong i know it's good to have a significant other without expensive taste but it makes me feel like i can't buy expensive things i can eat chicken at home whenever i want people go out they get more glamorous things right am i being crazy what should i do it's tough because i i have always

lived my life of never be the guy who orders the most expensive thing on a menu like the second most expensive thing yes so you just need to get him a little bit higher up there it sounds like he's you're going to like a steak restaurant he's like hey do you guys have chicken fingers that sounds like what he's doing so you got to find a happy medium right i think just teach him how to say chicken in french tell him to order poulet at a fancy restaurant and then it seems like he's a grown-up i i do you guys do the same thing you ever order like the most i was i'm always like the move is our work trip absolutely it's yo hank yeah when on vacation then obviously he's not going to spend that much money but if it's coming out of our pocket then yeah i do a vacation

still i'm uh no second second most expensive is the correct move yes unless like if it's a rare occasion where there's like some big baller next to you and he or she is like you have to try this well somebody says you gotta try this you can also do it if someone else gets the most expensive thing you can do the i'll have what he or she is having that way you didn't actually order you just jumped on which i actually don't like i think that's a lame move pick your own food but if it's the number one choice the most expensive you can do it then or just tell them that like bring your own coupon you're like i got a half price on that thing yeah we can say billy he's cheating he's paying for multiple dates oh yes budgeting i like that billy hate to break it to you damn i don't

even think about that you're right or your habit you're well yeah probably drugs yeah but maybe both nodding off it's cheating on you with his dealer fell asleep in his bowl of soup um all right numbers in fact 18 35 kangaroos can't jump back 25 eight neither can frog eight eight kangaroos actually have huge claws that video the king is definitely awesome floating eight i'm a feminist eight oh eight almost went up there 51 61 i feel like we've gotten 61 yeah we're never gonna get this sucks it's crazy how are we never gonna get it people just tweet me numbers all day now once never happened all right uh oh nice you got the whole thing all right we'll see everyone friday we've got a great guest coming on friday great guest all-time friend love you guys

she i don't care that it's not time i'm drinking anyway i like some reds like some whites and rosé strength after me it's you let her to get drunk now uh