Pardon My Take - Nate Burleson, Bears Are Back + We May Be Going To Jail For Fraud

Episode Date: September 19, 2018

The Bears are officially back...to .500 (2:27 - 7:59). The Seahawks may stink (7:59 - 11:27). Antonio Brown continues the Steelers carnival of a season (11:27 - 14:39). Urban Meyer tried to apologize then apologized for his apology and none of it makes sense (14:39 - 19:43). Hot Seat/Cool Throne including Mario Kart and toad dicks (19:43 - 35:55). Former NFL WR and host of Good Morning Football Nate Burleson joins the show to talk about his NFL Career, the 2018 season, what it was like being on the backup love boat, and the famous pizza crash (35:55 - 70:08). Segments include Kings stay Kings for Phil Rivers, as a white guy for Bert and Ernie, Sabemetrics Jon Gruden, not to brag but we called it Josh Gordon and Guys on Chicks You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take, we have Nate Burleson. He hosts one of the hosts of Good Morning Football. He played in the NFL for the Seahawks, the Vikings, the Lions. Really fun dude, really great interview. We also have a Hot Sea Cool Throne, guys on chicks, and a lot to talk about.

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Come play with us at fanduld.com slash PMT. That is fanduld.com slash PMT. One more time for the people in backfanduld.com slash PMT. Okay, let's go. Bye. Now in the street there is violence, and then a lot of stuff will be done. No place to hang out or wash in, and then I can't live all on the sun. Oh, no.

We're gonna run down to electric avenue, and then we're taking higher. Oh, we're gonna run down to electric avenue, and then we're taking higher. Welcome to part of my take presented by CPEAK. Today is Wednesday, September 19th. I'm not gonna do what you think I'm gonna do. And the bears are back. The bears are so back. No, here's the deal.

The bears are legit. They are. 500 for the first time since 2014. Yeah. You gotta celebrate the small things in life. Well, they start every season 500, right? Well, no, I think you have to establish it's like, are you born or are you zero? You start at season zero.

Zero, zero, zero. So you're nothing. You have no winning percentage whatsoever. And first time since 2014, baby. Yeah. Back. I'm proud of you. And here's the thing.

Oh, thank you. I played really hard. No, you were the one, man. You were the one that made it happen last night. I watched part of the game, and I'm telling you, this team is a Super Bowl contender. I'm dead serious. No, stop, shut up. The defense.

You're not telling me that. I mean, I agree, but shut up. The defense is Super Bowl caliber. You know that they are too. Like Leo Mack, that guy in addition to what they had in Rokwon is the real deal. Yes. He's absolutely the real deal. Speed, speed, speed.

And with that offense, they're having a place. They've got two great running backs, a great quarterback, good wide receivers, a great offensive line. Stop, stop. I mean, you stop me if I'm saying anything wrong. No, I'm not. Yeah. Exactly.

No. So really, after the game, I was like, if Mitch can play like just average. That's Super Bowl team. And then I took a shower, I took a shower and I got out of the shower and said, you know what? NFC championship. Well, let's just settle with that. We got to, you know, you, but the thing is you never want to win the Super Bowl the

first year that the teams together. You want that. You want to go through the tough days and be, and then the next year you built. Yeah. Yeah. Cause then as a capitals fan, I can tell you that you're after it. Yeah. Then the DVD is a lot more compelling because they're like, Hey, we were so close.

We could taste it in 2018. You got something to build on. 2019 was our year. Yeah. Right now you don't have anything to build on. So this is the build on year, but I think the foundation is already strong enough from the first two games. You guys are going through your building process right now.

You're winning while you're building, which is tough to do. And in that division, if you're going to do it, this is the year Aaron Rodgers is hurt. Kirk Cousins is a nerd. Yeah. Matt Patricia lost the locker room. Yeah. This is your year to win that division. You're going to get home field advantage and nobody is coming to Chicago and beating

you guys in soldier field in, in January. Did I not say you don't lose on her locker night? You don't. The crowd was fucking electric. I mean, I'm going to extrapolate a little bit that they didn't show this is fucking asshole. This is her locker season. Yeah.

For you guys. So you're doing it for Brian. Okay. I appreciate everything you did there. Bears. I know what you're doing. I'm serious. I actually, I'm, should we put a future on it?

Yeah. Hank, you want to put a future on it? I actually will. I will as well. We're not, we're not talking to you. Mitch, he's football young. We're going to just keep saying that. That's the new saying that shout out Tom Frinelli, who I, he had to talk me off the

ledge last night via text message after the second interception that Mitch threw. And I also, it's 2001. You know what it was? I was really down because I forgot that Seattle has both the Griffin's and I thought Mitch got intercepted by the guy with one hand twice. And then I was rock bottom, but then I was like, wait, no, they have both the Griffin's. So we're good. He's young.

He's football young. The problem is he's going to be compared to Patrick from my home. So it was the greatest quarterback of all time. He's comparing the Patrick because the same draft class dude, I'm not always happens. That always happens. They had the graphic. They're like to Sean Watson, Mitch Rabisky, Patrick's my home is so much better. I don't think anybody's going to be compared because Mitch is football young.

He is football. But I have a question for you. Yeah. I have a question for you. But I talked about this on Sunday. Yeah. The bills, the Cardinals throw them out. They are the two teams that you're like, that team is not going to turn around at all.

Do the Seahawks, do the Seahawks qualify for that? Well, I mean, the bright spot for the Seahawks so far is their punter. So if that's what we're talking about, and by the way, their punter is awesome. Michael Dixon. But no, seriously, because I obviously, you have Pete Carroll, great coach, Russell Wilson is a great quarterback, but that team feels like they're just like, it's like skeleton duty. Yeah.

It's just, there's no one left. The Earl Thomas is out there making plays and you're like, okay. And then who else? And then their offensive line still sucks. And they have received a Doug Baldwin. I think it's hard. Nobody had marshals out there. It's like, what is going on?

Yeah. No, I think the Seahawks are probably, they're not going to lose. The thing is they get to play the Cardinals twice. True. So they're going to pat their stats on those games a little bit. This is a major like, officially the window has shut on the Seattle Seahawks. I'm ready to declare window closed. They're going to now have to remake themselves as an offensive team.

No more glory hole. Yeah. They're going to have to remake themselves as Russell Wilson. Russell Wilson's team. And then 10 ghosts is basically what they're playing with, except for Chris Carson, who's future all-pro running back. A lower shot. Chris Carson was tired the second I said that's why he benched him.

Channel San Diego State Rico. Yeah. But, um, but yeah, I think, I think it's safe to say the Seahawks are done. I'm putting, I'm putting the PFT done. I'm hanging that around their neck right now. I'm still going to give them there. Just no, it's the Dunn chain. You like the turnover chain?

Well, I'm going to give them that stupid Seahawk bird. I'm going to give them one more chance on Sunday against Cowboys. It's going to be my, do you have any pride, Danny? If you don't know that video, watch it. It's the ultimate football guy when he pulls out the VHS and breaks it in front of his teams. Do you have any pride? Yeah.

We almost interviewed that guy for BVT. Yeah. That is it. This is a, do you have any pride game for the Seahawks with the Cowboys coming to Seattle? Like if they have any bit of life, it will show up in this game. And if they don't, then I will then say to the team, quit on Pete Carroll. Here's a little spin zone for you for Mitch's interceptions though. Okay.

You always hear from football guys that you learn twice as much from an interception as you do from a touchdown pass. And so Mitch is like reaching genius levels right now. Yeah. So there you go. He did throw a touchdown pass left. Okay. Yep.

Across his body. Yep. You shouldn't do that. Through a touchdown pass to the left side of the field. Not to brag. Yeah. So in conclusion, the Bears, I have to, if I'm being honest and not just to troll you. Yes.

I say that the Bears are, it's like them neck and neck with the Rams as being Super Bowl favorites. Shut up. Shut up. No, they're, I'm just happy to watch good football again. It's exciting. Okay. All right.

We have other stories we got to get to. We have Antonio Brown, the circus that is the Pittsburgh Steelers season. Antonio Brown was challenged by someone on Twitter saying Big Ben made you and he replied and said, well, if that's true, then trade me and then didn't show up on Monday. So the tweet in itself, I don't think it was a big deal because he's just kind of dunking on a troll. Yeah. But then not showing up on Monday is kind of a big deal.

That's a weird way to dunk on a troll though is to be like, trade me instead of. To the troll. Fuck you. You work as in like an accounting firm. I think he was talking about a fantasy football, like trade me off your fantasy football team. Okay. There you go. I don't want you on my team.

We always save Mike Tomlin. He's, you know, he's a players coach and he's liable to lose a locker room this year. He's literally losing his locker room. He's got nothing. He's got bells gone. Yeah. Antonio Brown's not showing up. Not only is, not only is leaving on bell gone, but they had the most amazing thing

that happens in a, in a locker room, the guys that never speak out, the guys that never trash anyone, the offensive line, all in unison were like, fuck leaving on bell. So clearly everything is just kind of up in the air. Big Ben had the whole, you know, we talked about it, I think on Monday, the whole Mason Rudolph thing at the beginning of the training camp, Tomlin, they've getting blown out. They don't play defense, not stealer football. They have to go on Monday night and play Fitz magic. I actually, like this will be, this will be crazy because it's kind of like when the

Pope dies, like when the Steelers fire a coach, they put up the white smoke because it just doesn't happen. That's actually just leaving on bell, just blazing up a fat one. Yeah. Well, Martavius Bryant is on the team anymore. Yeah. So that's what the white smoke was. I was doing a little like look back through history, a little oral history with myself.

Shout out Steve Bannon. And I saw, I was saying, okay, who killed these Pittsburgh Steelers? Was it the Browns? Did the Browns destroy them? I know the answer to this. Was it Patrick Mahomes? Nope. Was it the Washington Capitals?

No. Blake Bortles. Nope. Destroyed the Pittsburgh Steelers. No. That was the first place last year in their own backyard. This, this, this, the death of the Steelers was the surviving the ground rule. That was it.

If they had beaten the Patriots, the Jesse James touchdown, if they had beaten the Patriots in that game, it's like a totally different path they take because then they have home field advantage, all that shit, that, that one play, they still would have lost. They probably still would have lost, but that one play changed the whole mojo because it was like, that was their game. They were going to do it. I mean, they had home field against the Jaguars. Right.

Blake still sailed his boat ass up there and whooped the shit out of it. What I'm just saying, they, that was like the, that was the moment where it kind of crushed them. Like, oh, we can't even, if you can't even beat the Patriots, the Steelers figured that out. They're like, why do we even have to try against the Jaguars? Okay. They'll lose anyway.

Let's embrace debate. You tell us who killed Pittsburgh. That play. That play. And then all the fan reactions. Blake beat him earlier in the year too. Yeah, that's true. So.

The boat. Yeah. He's going to win FedEx Ground Player of the Year. I think we're actually, we're reaching people forget that territory with James Conner, the running back. People forget that he went to Pittsburgh and he played in that stadium. Yes. On that terrible grass.

People don't talk about that. But yeah, I don't know what's going on with the Steelers. I feel like their season is on the brink and there's nothing worse than having to go and face a hot Ryan Fitzpatrick. That actually is the scariest thing in the world, the hot Ryan Fitzpatrick. You don't know what he's going to cool down, but as of right now, you do not want to face a hot. But he's hot right now.

DeSean Jackson proved our point that you have to keep riding Ryan Fitzpatrick. He said that you have to ride the hot hand. That is a full blown quarterback controversy as far as I'm concerned. Yeah. And I mean, Fitzpatrick was smart to keep feeding DeSean Jackson because DeSean's the guy that's going to go out in the media and say who he wants. He's not going to be shy about it. So like you give, you give DeSean Jackson stats and he will love the shit out of you

for forever. The other thing is Ryan Fitzpatrick is the perfect quarterback controversy guy because it's, he's a controversy in himself, but he will always figure it out because he'll suck at some point and throw terrible interceptions and then controversy ended. So he starts and ends them all himself. Well he was good that last year that he was starting on the Jets until the playoffs when he had that foreign reception game. Yeah.

And then it came out the next year. Exactly. And it was in his head. He reminds himself. He's too smart. Since he was a Harvard guy, he's got such a great memory, he has a hard time forgetting his mistakes. Yes.

So as long as he's not making mistakes, he's good. But once there's like a little, little crack in that armor, then it's just like the flood gates are open. Yes, exactly. All right. So the other story we got to get to before we start our hot seat, cool throne, Urban Meyer. Urban Meyer is doing, so his three game suspension is up.

He immediately went to Tom Rinaldi. He had a press conference. Crazy eyes, Tom Rinaldi. He is doing the, I'm sorry and please let me coach again, tour, but he's doing it worse than anyone has ever done it. Like actually can't be worse. The verbal meme, foot in mouth, Urban Meyer's the foot and the mouth and he's just walking around saying the wrong thing.

It's so funny because he actually, all his answers should just, instead of giving answers to all these questions, he should just be like, can I please go coach football again? Because that's really all he's doing. He's like, it's like a little kid getting reprimanded and it's like, you got to say you're sorry. It's like, all right, sorry mom. Can I now go back outside and skateboard? Sorry for what?

Actually, sorry. Sorry for what, Urban? Sorry. So this time he like gives an interview or releases a statement. He then has to release another statement after that. I think we're down like in the Russian nesting doll of like the sixth statement that he's released explaining why his previous statement was inadequate. Right.

Where it's actually a master's stroke in PR where you forget what he was apologizing for in the first place. Yes. Because now he's just like clarifying some other stuff. He's apologizing for apologies. We're on. Exactly. Yeah.

And when Rinaldi was asking him, they're like, what are you most sorry about? He's just like, I'm sorry. I'm just sorry. He's doing the Rick Petino. About what, Urban? Yeah. And he's like, it actually goes to serve his point that he's got a terrible memory because he apologizes, but then he forgets what he has to apologize for.

Yes. So I believe Urban. And then when they were asking, what's the difference between telling a lie and then getting up there and misstating the facts? And he couldn't really explain. He's like, I'm sorry for not knowing the answer to your question, Tom. He's doing the Rick Petino. He's apologizing.

And then you're like, for what? He's like, well, I didn't do anything wrong, but I'm apologizing. So he had also a Rick Petino by saying, I've been accused of helping players too much and giving them too many opportunities. That's an accusation I accept. Wow. That's big of Urban. That's big of Urban.

He's, he, hey, guess what guys? Guilty is charged. He trusts people too much. He'll support you. Yeah. He'll support you all the way up until a felony arrest. So Guilty is charged. He's really bad at this whole thing.

He's one of those coaches where, um, when he's not actively on the sidelines coaching, he's so boring that I have no idea how anybody gets fired up to play for him. Yeah. He must be just like a totally different guy when he's, when he's out there on the field. I think he's simply like, Hey, go out there and play and then you'll make millions of dollars in the NFL. And he's mastered just telling them that. He also had a comment on the, the accusation that he deleted text messages saying, I have

never deleted a text message and I have never, I've never changed a setting on my phone. I would never do that. I don't even know how to change a setting on my phone. No. Night mode. What's night mode? He's the asshole sitting in a movie theater with his phone going off. He didn't say that he didn't delete him.

He just said the report found out that they, they couldn't figure out if he did or not. Like he didn't say that he didn't delete them. He's just like, and according to the report, they don't know if I did or not. Yeah. Well, I mean he was Aaron Hernandez's coach and Aaron Hernandez was pretty bad at destroying phones as well. Yes. And he's going with her like student and he's going with the Shelly, uh, his wife Shelly

did not tell him about the text messages, even though they spoke at length about the situation, the first time the situation happened in 2010 and urban does not want to definitively say there was domestic abuse. He will leave that up to the experts. He also said that the experts, I don't even know what, like, what is he even, what, listen, I'm not going to sit here and speculate what my wife may or may not have told me. I'll leave that up to the experts on, on, on listening to your wife talk. Please let me go.

I am not. Yeah. Please let me go back to coaching football. I know him being the asshole in the movie theater that doesn't turn his phone off. He's absolutely the guy that hasn't figured out how to like disable the ding for text messages. So he's just like in public getting text left and right. Yeah.

Left and right. Dinging, ding, ding, ding. Cause he doesn't know how to change anything. For some reason every Uber driver I've ever had has a phone that just like, yeah, sends them the whoop. Also, also little credit to Ohio State fans because I know there's some people that think that we're trashing Ohio State. I think Ohio State fans have actually helped handle this pretty well.

I don't see that many people defending him anymore. They're more along the lines of, yeah, he's a scumbag, but he wins football games, which is if you admit that, then it's at least you're saying, Hey, cards on the table. This guy's a terrible guy, but he does win football games. Like, okay, we're at least we're all being honest here. We're not going to pretend that Urban Meyer magically never talked about a text message about his assistant coach with his wife. So at least most of the Ohio State fans are recognizing the fact that this guy's a pretty

bad guy. And there's only a few people out there who are still being like, no, everything Urban said has checked out. He trusts people too much. He never talks about text messages with his wife, even though they talked about the situation 2010. He doesn't change his settings. And yeah, he's got memory loss.

I don't know what, what a text message is. I've never owned a phone. I don't know what communicate like, I've never communicated with somebody when I can't yell at them in their face. What's all this? What's electricity? The guy who literally is surrounded by 118 to 22 year olds every single day of his life does not know what a cell phone is.

No, he doesn't know how to change a setting on it. That's fine. That's reasonable. But you're right. Like I haven't seen too many Ohio State people like going, they're not standing for them anymore. Right, right. I think it might be a different situation if they had lost the game than it might.

I think that might switch their minds, but in their brains are like, okay, we're still okay. We're still in the national championship picture, so I'm not going to be mad about anything. They should just make him do interviews as his punishment. They shouldn't have even suspended him to be like, okay, you should just have to give five interviews a week and talk to a reporter and do the soft voice with Tom Rinaldi. And he was sitting like a weirdo. Yeah, he was.

Just live in a room with a fireplace with Jeremy Shaff five days a week. That Hank, that is definitely a PR person being like, Urban, make sure you look really meek. You know, don't eat anything for 24 hours before your interview with Tom Rinaldi. Wash your face out. Make sure. Don't drink any water. Make yourself look like really meek and a victim here.

Yeah. Wear a scarf. Maybe dye your hair more gray. Yeah. Make sure that you don't go and get any sunlight the week before, so your pale as a ghost and then people will love you again. Yeah. Sure.

Tom Rinaldi. That was such a crazy. It was such a weird interview too. Just seeing Urban take that. Go watch it if you haven't watched it yet. Okay. Let's get to our hot seat cool throne. Hank, would you like to start?

Surely. My hot seat is us. Oh. Uh-oh. What do we do? Larry, our gambling goldfish is currently seven and two and he's sitting in 45th, seven and three and he's in 45th place in the Vegas Super Contest. All right.

Let's go. So we're going to win a million dollars. We're going to have to pay all the stockholders again, which is something that almost happened in 2016 and we didn't really have a solution for. No, let's talk it out. We didn't have a solution. No, let's talk it out. Okay.

Here's what I propose we do. Well, first of all, you can still buy stock. Whatever we say after this, don't have that deter you from investing in Larry. You have until the end of September to buy a shirt and we're definitely going to pay you. And we're, well, we haven't had the discussions yet. But before we do, I'm telling you. So if you buy, if you buy stock in Larry right now, if you buy a shirt, you get stock in

Larry and then please also fast forward the next three minutes of the podcast so you don't hear the conversation we're about to have. What the fuck do we do? Yeah. Otherwise it's insider trading. If you're still listening right now. True. I'll tell you all about it.

Yes. By the way, great job by a booger. He was like, Michael Kendricks, what a sack. He's going through everything right now facing jail time. He's going over all this adversity. It's like, dude, he committed a crime. Him and Urban Meyer are battling through adversity. It's inspirational to everybody.

Meanwhile, Shaquille Griffin's out there like making tackles or Shaquille Griffin. Yeah. So Larry issues. I say that we just hire an intern to make a spreadsheet of everybody that's bought a t-shirt and then have that intern manually write out like a $0.20 check if he wins. Here's the other idea that we had. Well, if he wins the whole thing, that's a significant amount of money. That's a significant amount of money.

Here's the other thing we could do. We could buy, I think you can buy insurance, maybe? Fraud insurance? No, fish insurance. Well, the fraud insurance. Don't call it fraud insurance. Okay, F insurance. Yeah.

Or here's what we could also do. I think we threw this idea out there in 2016. We hire a high-priced lawyer, Mr. Portnoy, and his fee matches exactly what our winnings are. His hourly rate. And then so we're like, hey, we had to hire this lawyer to figure out how to pay everyone. But turns out the lawyer costs so much money. We don't have any money to pay anyone.

Here is a thank you card in lieu of the money, and then Mr. Portnoy funnels the money right back to us. But the thank you card is just like a tweet that we send out with a picture of a card for everybody to see. Yeah. Don't ask me too much more. It's one tweet, and it will just have a fill in the blank, so you can just say your own name as you read the tweet.

And so with Mr. Portnoy, we'll pay him his hourly rate, which will be exactly equal to the winnings. And then we'll enter into an advertising deal with his law firm or his company, Michael Portnoy Esquire, and we'll do an ad read for his law firm on the show. And oh, it's such a coincidence, but our rate for a podcast ad read is exactly the same as your rate for doing this case for us. Weird. Boom.

One cent less so that people don't figure it out. Yeah, that's true. For tax purposes. It's a little different. Yeah. Or we could try to pay everyone. How many people bought a shirt? We don't.

Thousands. Right, yeah. I honestly, I think that we try to pay people. I think that that would be... The problem, last year he was going to come in like 50th place, so it wasn't that much money. If he keeps going at the rate he's going, it's going to be thousands of dollars, so it might be worth it to pay the listeners.

We will pay you. No, you don't. We're going to pay you. We're going to pay you. It's like 25 bucks a shirt and you have the chance to get $2,000. Yeah, yeah. We'll pay you. I'm not a stock, I'm not a stock guy, but that seems like a pretty good ROI.

Did we put anything in there that we get 50% of it? I didn't. We should have. Okay, verbally we're writing now if you're listening to this, we get 50% of the winnings, the other 50% is divvied up. I think that's only fair. I think most people wouldn't argue with that. We're the ones who keep the fucking fish alive until it dies.

Well, our office manager does. And maybe our office manager's rate for keeping Larry alive is exactly. Okay. Gotcha. We're going to pay you guys. Buy a shirt. Yes, we're absolutely going to pay. It might cost a lawyer to figure this whole thing out.

We've kind of tangled ourselves in a really nice web here, but we're going to pay you. What if we sold Larry? Like he's like a winning racehorse that keeps dominating. You studded him? Yeah. What if there's like a gambler out there that wants to buy Larry from us halfway through the season? I don't hate it.

I don't hate it. All right. Either way, we're going to pay you. My cool throw is Christian Yelich. Oh. Recurring guests of the show hit another cycle again yesterday. Yeah. Almost cemented his way as a MVP in national leagues.

Second in MVP to Hobbybuys. I don't know. I don't know. Hobbybuys hit a big home run as well. Two cycles. Hobbybuys does more than cycles. Ooh. We're talking steroids?

Yeah. Christian Yelich. A lot of cycles. Well, he's on the PMT PED. Yeah. True. So yeah. So he's hit the bump.

Yeah. The big bump. Yeah. People forget he ate butthole that one time. It's true. Yeah. That video. It's definitely him.

All right. PFT, what do you got? My hot seat is secretly filming people in public so you can mock them on the internet later. Mm-hmm. So it's a sad day. Classic. Yeah.

It's everyone's favorite pastime. There was a dude that filmed another guy on a train shaving and was like, oh my god. New York public transit. Am I right? It turns out the guy just got out of a homeless shelter. He was like going to a job interview and cleaning himself up on the train. It's kind of better himself. Yeah.

And so now, I guess, you know, Big Brother tells us that we can't make fun of people that we see in public anymore because you never know what they're going through. It's almost like everybody's individual is out there and has their own shit that they're dealing with so you shouldn't make fun of them. Yeah. That was really tough thing for me to get over. But did the account get a lot of retweets? It got a shitload of retweets.

Well, fair start. And then more than that, it got a lot of retweets and then it got a lot of people on the internet. Basically, when you see these like real life videos that are taken by people, you get everybody commentating on them like sports analysts talk about a play. So, you had a lot of people like, oh, look how disgusting the foam, was that foam, not gel? Yeah, gross. Wow.

Was this guy a poor? Yeah. It turns out, yeah, he's actually just, he's very homeless. But SpinZone, he probably has a GoFundMe worth like $7 million now, right? Yeah. Double SpinZone, you might not want to look too far into his past because maybe there's something problematic. Oh, he's definitely been on Reddit.

Yeah. Like pregnant women. Yeah. So, the internet's just a wonderful place. We're looking a few plays ahead. The internet is such a fucking dumpster fire. It's like, this is a three-part act every time. Take video of guy or woman, then find out that that person is going through a lot of

problems. Everyone feels shame. Then find out that person also has a picture on their Facebook profile with a confederate flag. Yeah. Well, it's, yeah. End scene. Yeah.

So, yeah, start a GoFundMe, give them $5 million, then they end up donating that to like the KKK. And you're like, oh, shit, we did it, the internet got us, we should just invent a new internet like Brett Favre did. It's never true. Or Fred Smoot. All right, what's your... Internet 2.0.

What's your cool throne? My cool throne is the color brown because color rush is back. It's the Jets and the Browns, which at the start of the season, maybe last off season, you saw that pop up on the schedule and you're like, oh, no, this game sucks. Turns out the Browns fixed it because they invented neon brown for their jerseys. Yes. Their jerseys are sick. It's the brightest brown I've ever seen in my life.

Okay. So, please don't. That game is going to suck because Pupunk is House of Blues Boston and you should go to that instead. Good point. Yeah. If you live in Boston, come out to the show. I'll give you score updates during the game.

There you go. How about that? So, you'll feel like you're not missing anything. Tell me which players you have on your fantasy team. I'll give you updates. Oh, Carlos Hyde just had another three-yard run, who's 20th on the night. So Thursday night, House of Blues, PFT, Roan, Frankie Borelli, and Robbie Foxx. I was going to get it.

You didn't have to do that because now it looks like I forgot who was the fourth member. It's good for me though. It's good for me though. House of Blues, Pupunk, check them out, buy a ticket. It's awesome. Like, they did it in New York and it was such a fun night. It is such an awesome time. I think if you get the heritage room, is that what it's called?

Sure. I think that's what it's called. Yeah. If you're giving away free stuff, do it. If you do that, if you buy that ticket, then we're going to do like a meet and greet before the show. Great. Great.

Perfect. So, we'll see you there. Yeah. That's a really cool throne. My hot seat is Jason Witton. So, are we sure Jason Witton is still alive? Well, I don't think he ever was alive. So, I take Umbridge with the word choice you used.

Okay. He's not alive currently. He is a robot and I do not understand why they overthink these things so much and just not put Burger McFarland in the studio in the, you could actually hear Burger McFarland getting mad at Jason Witton during the broadcast because they did that thing where the safety, where the bears touched the punt and then the Seahawks guy grabbed it and they're like, how's that not a safety? And Burger McFarland was like, you guys, you don't know the fucking rules to the game.

And Jason Witton, I don't know. I mean, maybe this is actually just a plan by Tony Romo, like a once, one last act of Jason Witton to bail out Tony Romo, just he becomes an announcer and everyone takes the heat off of Tony Romo. That might be it. He's the security blanket for Tony. Correct. Yes.

One last time. That might be right. I agree that Booger is probably the best part of that broadcast. I like Tested Tour too. Yeah. Tested Tour's got a big game voice. Yeah. He's awesome.

Straight up. I like Booger's platform. I'm on record. I really enjoy the platform. Like the name Booger? He wears a seatbelt on his platform. Yeah. Did you know that?

Pretty cool. That is cool. Safety first. Yeah. But yeah, Jason Witton is just, here's the flow chart. They had a bunch of people that ESPN interviewed, I'm sure, including a bunch of people in-house like Booger, like Lewis Riddick. But then the disruptor is, is there a newly retired white Dallas Cowboys player?

Yes. Yeah. And that set off all the alarm bells and they're like, yep, okay, we need this. We found our guy. I do like, I noticed too that the broadcast are going to the booth more often with video cameras just to show us that Jason Witton is in fact a human being. It's nice. There's like six or seven times.

You're like, hey, why are we watching this? We're missing the game. Oh, they just want to make sure everyone knows it's not a robot. The robot takeover has not started Jason Witton human. I'm still not convinced, though, even when they show him because he doesn't really know. Because he's so awkward. He just moves like at his neck. Oh my God.

Yeah. I'll say this about Jason Witton. Let's say something nice about him. Okay. His hair looks better. It's new. Yeah. He has new hair, which is great.

He would make an excellent sex spot. I'm sure that women would like to buy Jason Witton's sex spot. Agreed. Agreed. And also that one time that his helmet came off, he kept running. Yeah, that's true. Give me a look when I made the sex spot comment. He's a robot.

You wouldn't fucking sex spot Jason Witton? He's like a hole's a hole, dude. He's like a six foot five big sex spot looking guy. You wouldn't? You wouldn't cuddle up on that thing? Yeah. He's got like a block head. Oh, wow.

Pretty homophobic of you. Interesting. My cool throne is Mario Kart. So Mario Kart, the game that you loved if you grew up in the 90s, was trending on Twitter on Tuesday. Why was it trending? Well, it's because Stormy Daniels said that President Trump has a penis shaped like a mushroom top like that toad guy from Mario Kart.

That was what she said. Yeah. It's her new book coming out. There's nothing better than a salacious book that probably is absolutely terrible, incredibly boring, but then they get that two sentences that they put out in the press like a week before. You got to love those. Yeah, what else is going to be in Stormy Daniels' book besides her fucking Donald Trump?

They basically just gave us the best moment, the Mario, the toad penis, and then the other one that they gave was that Donald Trump is so obsessed with sharks, even when he was talking to Hillary Clinton in 2007 on the phone, he was just like enamored with Shark Week, which cool being down with sharks, being a fan of Shark Week, although 2007 was still hot. Yeah, it's a different time. It's still hot. I think that absolutely still played back in 2007.

So his dick looks like the pictures that you take of Joe Buck and Mike Florio on television where it's just like a giant head at top that gets tiny and tiny and tiny. But is that bad? No, I think she said he has a smaller than average penis with a giant penis shaming. She said he has a smaller than average penis with a giant head. I think if you're getting your dick described and anyone uses the term giant anywhere within five sentences of them talking about your dick, that's a win. If you have any part of it, it's like being a great rebounder in the NBA.

You can't shoot, but everyone's like, hey, man, that guy is a great rebounder. You've got one thing that people note and say, hey, that was big. Yeah. Everything else was small, but that was big. The head of the penis, huge. The Yeti pubes, I think, is probably the more damaging part. Yeah, you've got to clean up the pubes. You've got to trim off.

2007. Different time. Maybe it's just different times. He's got a comb over. Yeah. It's a different time, though. 2007. People weren't manicuring their pubes yet.

Pubes were in. Yeah, they were. Okay. Let's get to our interview with Nate Burleson. Before we do that, a quick word from our friends at Cash App. You know the Cash App. It's the simplest way to instantly send money to friends. It's also the number one app in finance, and now it's the number one app to help the

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Grilled cheese, cereal, everything. Can I tell you one thing? My tongue. You're missing out big time? Yeah. Buffalo chicken dip. Buffalo chicken dip. Yeah.

They have a buffalo wing sauce flavored Frank's Red Hot. It's really good. It's delicious. I know I've had it many times before. As a wing guy, I've made my own sauce, too, using their originally hot sauce. Yes. Also, I had this, like, it was a refried bean dip over the weekend. With Franks?

With Franks in it. There you go. Okay, so check them out. You can find more recipes at FranksRedHot. That's their Twitter handle. That's their Instagram handle, FranksRedHot, and FranksRedHot on Facebook. Like we said, buns perfect flavor and heat without that five alarm fire in your mouth. Hank doesn't like any hot sauce, but he loves FranksRedHot.

FranksRedHot, barbecue sauce, delicious. Yeah, you really got that one out there. Have you ever tried to combine them? I think Frank, I think, I just called you Frank. I think Frank just had a stroke. Have you ever tried, like, combining their hot sauce and their buffalo, or their barbecue sauce to make barbecue buffalo sauce? Yes, of course.

Yeah. That's the only sauce I use. That's the inventor of it. He's our producer, Frank. So, FranksRedHot, check it out. All right, here we go, Nate Burleson. All right, we now welcome on. Very special guest.

He is, I'm going to say it, your immediate darling. It is Nate Burleson. I'll take that. A wide receiver, former wide receiver, now host of Good Morning Football and going to be the pregame host, or one of the hosts on CBS, correct? Yeah, CBS with a Boomfield coach and JB. Right, coach Cower? Coach Cower, okay.

I could tell the way you said coach. I kind of tell, right, what coach is talking about. Yeah, so do you think media darling's fair? Yeah, it's fair. It's fair. I've been at it a few years, but when you moved to New York, doors started to open up a little bit differently out here, man. The grind is something that if you can wake up and hustle with New York, man, you can go

get this money out here. And there's a lot of opportunity, as you guys know. Do you feel that there's any additional pressure knowing that get up is on ESPN now, and so they're like nipping at your heels? You got Mike Greenberg. No. Or you got Nate Burleson, two of the coolest guys in sports media. Yeah, our names usually fall in the same sentence, oftentimes.

Listen, all respect to them. I grew up watching ESPN. For what it's worth, they wanted to bring a morning show to New York, and if you look at the color scheme, where they're at, how the desk is laid out, it's somewhat of a copy of what we've done. So that's like the biggest form of flattery. Everything's copied at this point. There's nothing new under the sun.

We're not reinventing the wheel here. Cal Brandt copies us all the time. All the time. He steals all your jokes. Shrager, same thing. Exactly, same thing. Literally just reads our Twitter feed, and that's his old mark. And then he repeats it on the show, and he acts like he's a genius.

But that's the same thing. We see them, and we understand that we're doing something right. When there's morning shows moving to New York, and they've got the bright, vibrant colors, and there's a black guy, two white dudes, and a girl, you're like, okay, that kind of looks like us. It's a formula. Okay. It's like Bizarro World Cramer.

That's exactly what it is. It's like a sign for when they walk across the stage. So exactly what it is. Is Kay Adams going to stop watching football? No. That was kind of a weird statement. Shout out to Michelle Beto, though. I like Michelle, though.

She was like, I'm not watching college football, or NFL football, so you see it, I'm leaving it all alone. Yeah. But yeah, it's weird, though. I would love for whoever I'm watching on TV or listening to on a podcast or on radio to be in tune to the games. Who's your least favorite co-host on that show? My least favorite co-host?

I would say Kyle Brandt. Okay. Yeah, good choice. Because he is somewhat of a genius, and he's crazy, intelligent, and funny. So like, very admirable work that he does, but oftentimes he pushes me to kind of come with my game. We'll get ready for segments, and we'll walk past each other at 6am, and I'm like, yo, so what are you going to do for making a case when we got to argue for these AFC quarterbacks?

He'll look at me and be like, don't worry about it. And we won't know what each other's saying until we get on the set, which is why we always laugh so hard, because we never tell each other what we're going to talk about. So I hate him because he makes me have to come with my A game every day. I can't slack, because if I slack, it's obvious. Then I'll be another football player up there looking lame, just talking about stuff you can Google. Hey, listen.

Oh, dude. The Strager. We call that the Strager. We'll call that the Strager. Yeah, we'll call that the vanilla, if you will. And Strager is vanilla. But no, I think what makes this show special is we're competitive. I don't think people realize that.

It's not all fluff. If you watch us on mute, you'll be like, man, they're over exaggerating. They're the loud family at the restaurant being obnoxious. But when you actually listen to us, we're really trying to be creative as hell. We're talking about movies and music and pop culture and every little stupid piece of trivia we have in our head. And then we tie it to football, which I think that's a winning formula. And you see a lot of shows trying to do that formula right now.

So how's it going to be different going from that to Coach Cower, The Chin, Intimidation, Boomer, Saison, and CBS in general. And CBS in general. Yeah, it's different. I mean, I spent my last year, which was really my rookie year with the CBS crew. So it was fun. It was kind of like getting to know them and obviously being a rookie, I look at it like being a rookie in football.

So I couldn't really do too much. I was once told by OG when I was a Minnesota Viking, you know, listen more than you talk, keep your eyes open, and be careful of the company hanging around because that can forever change you. So I've always taken it with me. Who was that? Chris Carter? John Randall.

John Randall. Who was that? It was not Randy Moss. No, no, no, no, no. It was Marcus Robinson, actually. Okay. One of the wide receivers. And he was basically trying to explain to me when you first get in, just see the lay of

the land. Like don't be a loudmouth. You know what I'm saying? It's like the first day of school or the first day of jail. I don't know if those two things actually go together. So you got to punch Bill Cower in the chin. Yeah. I got to come in right away and don't touch my cornbread fam.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like if you do, we're going to have problems. But I did spend the rookie year though, just paying attention and right around the middle of the year, I caught my rhythm and I started using some of the dumb jokes I use on a normal everyday basis. So I started injecting more of my personality and then by the end of the year, I caught my rhythm. But I can't tell you this though.

There's going to be surprise to the intro of this year for CBS. I'm doing a little rap. So it's like I put together a little rap. We had a producer. We shot a music video. Okay. It's going to be like the intro to the season, the season kickoff, spitting bars about my co-host.

You know, I do a little something. I like that. All right. So you mentioned the Vikings. Let's talk a little about your playing career. So you did have Randy Moss as a teammate to start. Did he actually give you any advice or was he just like, I'm going to go out there and catch passes and do my thing?

See word on the street is that when Chris Carter was there, he was one of those guys like, I'm here to work. I'm not here to bring every single young player along. Randy Moss, he had a little bit of that to him, but he had more of a big brother element to him as well. He didn't want to be as much of a big brother I can tell, but once you kind of annoy somebody enough and pull on their coat jacket, they oftentimes just kind of give in. And that was him.

He wouldn't automatically, if you're a rookie, he wouldn't automatically bring you along and take you under his wing because rookies are going like that and rookies don't care about the game. Randy Moss was passionate, like uber emotional when it came to the game. If you didn't display that same type of passion, there was a certain disdain he had for you. And I didn't really understand that. Like, why is Randy Moss so quiet? Like why is he not talking to us?

Like I want to be his friend. This is the coolest dude on earth. This is football. Iverson. And I remember like we're running a condition at a training camp and Jermaine Dupri had a video with a Marshall 88 jersey on. So I'm like, all right, this is my way and this is the way I could be a friend. I'm going to say, I just saw the video, you know, he has your jersey on and it's basically

like the icebreaker. So I'm like, you know, myself, all right, hey, don't blow this, don't blow this shirt. This is going to be your best friend for life. And I go to and I'm like, as we're running, I'm like, hey, Randy, my voice wasn't that light, but that's kind of how I felt inside. So did you see the new Jermaine Dupri video? He had your jersey on, man. Randy looked at me and just kept jogging and didn't say anything.

I was like, fuck, I know if I can cuss, but that's what I said in my head and I was so mad at myself. I was like, Nate, oh, you're an idiot. You're an idiot. You blew it. Now he's never going to be your friend. And then I realized, stop trying to be his friend in ways that don't matter. Like you don't need to be cool to Randy, be a playmaker to Randy.

And that's what was special about our relationship. Once I earned his respect on the field, he finally was like, all right, kid, let me show you how to be a pro. And from there, he gave me some jewels that I continue to pass along when I got in the league. And by year 11, I was doing the same thing and I was helping these young clubs out to the point where some of these rookies were like, Nate, I don't want to offend you, but I feel like you're leading me down the wrong path.

And I was like, why would you say that? I've given you everything. I've invited you to my house. I've given you money if you needed it. I'll give you all the tricks of the trade at the line of scrimmage. I've taught you how to learn or play. But they're like, yeah, but I feel like there has to be a dead end to this. Like why, if you know that I'm here to compete with you, why would you do all this for me?

I said, because you got to pass it forward. Like if you do your job, they should get rid of me. That's the way it goes. I'm worth too much money. I'm getting older. You're younger, you're cheaper. That's the game. And on top of that, if I give you every tool that you need to succeed and at the end of

the training camp coach says, Nate, you're still a starter. You know how much confidence that instills in me? And they're like, oh, so it's a double-edged sword for you. You're doing good, but also it's a true test of yourself. If your counterpart has all the tools and you still beat them out, that's like me going into the season. Like, OK, I got one more year because I know I still got the juice. I like that.

It's like designing a computer program and then going out and beating it manually like John Henry. Fags. Wasting your own ghosts in Mario Kart. That's actually a better analogy. So if I'm a young slot receiver coming to the league right now, tell me one thing that I need to know about the NFL that I wouldn't know either as a fan or as somebody that just has been playing college football the last three years.

What's like a small thing that the casual person doesn't know? I would say that route running is supreme over every other characteristic of being a receiver. That's good because I'm slow. Yeah, and that's all right. Forget the speed. Forget the height. Forget the vertical.

OK. That's what you think you need. I think the misconception is you got to be Julio Jones or you got to be as crafty as Antonio Brown. You got to be as big as Calvin Johnson or as fast as Randy Moss. No, it doesn't matter. If you're a route runner, you can be so deceptive with everything, though, and that's the thing. If you're not the fastest, you can't jump the highest and the strongest.

Your route runner has to be so crafty in a way that once you're coming off the last scrimmage, every route looks exactly the same. It's not that hard to succeed. I tell kids that all the time, I don't care if you're white, you're black, I don't care if you're slow, fast, I don't care if you're tall, short. If you want to be a route runner, you got to be in that sweet spot. You got to be anywhere from four, three to four, seven. You can't be running a five-five.

Why are you looking at me when you're fast? I'm faster than a five-five. I was looking at your calves. The calves, they fall right into you. They explode. My calves are my best body part. I'm just joking. Thank you.

I just feel like route running is probably the one thing that would never go out of style. Okay. Yeah, that's good. Were you offended at all that you weren't invited on the Love Boat? Actually, I was. I thought you were invited on the PG one, not the real one. There you go.

See, there's two. Yeah, that's what I thought. Don't try. I see. You know yourself. We know about Dildo's and Fred's Smooth. Running through the Okra Patches. He's a crazy fan.

Can he put women on the bar? We know. That's like Rick James back there. We know. Listen, everybody's supposed to be on the first boat. You never really had an idea what was about to happen because they're like, yo, it's going to be the rookie party. They're going to pay for it and we're going to hang out.

You kind of expect that girls are going to get invited. Sometimes it's a bunch of regular girls that people know. Sometimes it's girls that dance in the night. And me, I just had picked up a vehicle. When you're young and you buy your athlete starter kit, which for me was the Cadillac and the Fake Chain, Fake Watch, you always want to be in your Cadillac wearing the Fake Chain, Fake Watch. So they was like, yo, show up to the facility or at a restaurant and we'll drive you in

a bus, a party bus. So I think all the guys met at a restaurant and I was like, you know what, I want to drive my car because as much as I could drive my car, I never had a display. So I'm like, I'm going to show up. So I show up a little late and everybody's on the big boat and I'm like, whatever, I'm not stripping. I'll go to the second boat. So I get on the second boat and they both take off at the same time.

Their boat just seems a little bit more active than ours. Like we are just cool. Like there's girls over there hanging out, flirting, but we're playing cards. We got like a vegetable platter. Like we're talking about football. Yeah, it's tame. And I'm like, this is because I haven't been to a rookie party. It's my sophomore year in a league.

So I'm like, this is how rookie's party. This is it. This is what all hype is about. But then I'm looking at the other boat of strobe lights popping off. You see people throwing items of clothing off into the water. And then one of my boys coming is like, yo, and I'm like, what's up, man? He's like, man, it's going down over here. I was like, what?

And I'm like, I'm like, yo, a captain, you got any light vest? I'm trying to. No, but, uh, and then we docking. And after that I get home and I'm like, I was cool, a little bit overhyped for my liking. And then we, uh, we get back home and what's crazy is I go to, uh, to the library to go talk to kids, uh, about just, you know, giving everything you got to academics as well as athletics, handing out awards, just trying to do my part in the city. You know what I'm saying?

Young mate doing his thing in the community. And I get done and I'm sitting there with my family about to hop in the limo and head home. And the reporter is due because I was like, he sets me up. He was like, Hey, Nate, what's going on, man? It's great. This man, the Minnesota public library and how's it going? And he's like, I'm like, he's going great.

You know, I'm here for the kids and they let the kids blah, blah, blah. Second question. He's coming with the heat. I'm like, yo, he's like, so, uh, we heard that you were on the boat. Are you on the boat? What's going on on the boat? It's all kind of chaos. I need you.

I need answers. Who was there? Was it Dante? Cold Pepper? Was it Randy? I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, man. In front of my wife. Fam.

No. And I was like, yo, no, I wasn't, I wasn't there. I don't know what you're talking about. And I left. And then from there, I'm like, that happened in a day. I'm like, yo, this is much like what happened on the other boat? Like this is crazy. Fred's smooth happened.

Yeah. A lot of action happened. Fred's smooth. And from there, that's when the hit the fan. And I was like, yo, I remember coach walking into a room, a group of guys, and it was like, Mike Tyson. Yeah. Mike Tyson was like, just giving you guys strong advice.

If you feel like you did something that you weren't supposed to be doing. I suggest you get a lawyer. And I was like, damn, she just got real like, what's going on? And from there, you know, they were throwing names and faces in the paper. And a lot of it was just trying to throw darts at a wall and just trying to land on a big name. A couple of guys might have been in a position where they did something they weren't supposed to do.

But all in all, I feel like it was one of them things. If it was a private party somewhere at somebody's house or at an event and it was like enclosed, I think it would have been like anybody else having an adult night in the city. Because it was on the waters of Lake Minnetonka. Just cleanse yourself. Yeah. Like Prince, you know, I think it just, it caught fire. But it was definitely a learning lesson.

I was like, damn man, like we're in Minnesota. We're not winning right now. Like this isn't like the biggest team in the country. But this story is going viral and didn't make you guys like you guys rallied a little bit after that, right? Yeah. A little winning streak. Yeah, of course.

I mean, coach knows how to spin it. It's not against the world. Yeah. All right. They won't even let y'all party. Go out there and kick some ass. And now we're playing better. They don't want you to have double-sided dildos.

Did anyone call you? See, I don't know about the double-sided dildos. Yeah. Because you're a prudinate. Did anyone call you prudinate? No, no, they didn't call me prudinate. You should probably start calling you prudinate. That's what they should call me.

You're a prudinate. I don't like that. They call me nasty nakes. I don't want that cocktail food. No. I'm a nasty nake with a definitely. Nasty nake with a prudinate. Nasty nake with a definitely.

But brought its own butt plugs. Eating a hummus with little, you know, carrot and spread. Little carrot cake. Yeah. What's just crazy is, like, I remember being on that boat. And I'm a sophomore in the league. And I was kind of like, all right, I want to be a vet. I want to make sure guys are all right.

So I just kind of walked around the whole time, like, you good? You good? Hey, don't too much drink. Just drink some Gatorade. Like, don't do this. Don't do that. And like having that big brother mindset, kind of like what we talked about in the beginning, quite frankly, it kept me out of trouble because I never sat down.

I never wanted to be in a position where like, hey, let me get a dance. Or let me flirt with you. Like I kept my nose clean, kept my hands off the goods, if you will. You and Chris Gluy were just playing guitar hero together in the car. Yeah. Yeah, pretty much. There was no guitar hero back then. So you played in that.

I remember, I'm not sure if you played in the game or if you were injured at the time, but you were involved in the Romo, the Tony Romo game. Put them on the map. I was on the sideline for that. Yeah. I played in that game. Us looking at Tony Romo, getting ready to take the snap. I'm thinking, damn, man, we lost this game.

This is weak. I can't believe this. And he fumbled that snap. Paul was shiny. Hell, it was greasy. Yeah. It wasn't the K-Ball, right? It changed the rules after that.

But you know, it's crazy. I was, for the first time ever, watching an opposing player make a mistake, I felt bad. I don't know if I'm sensitive, but like in my head, as we're celebrating, I see them on the ground collapse. They about to light this dude up. And I knew for years to come. Well, no, because Twitter wasn't Twitter. It would have been unbelievable. I mean, just in general, like the media.

Yeah. And he wasn't going to be able to shake it. Yeah. Unless, that's one of the things you can't shake unless you win a Super Bowl. Luckily, he had that season. I think it was in 2014 where he was almost MVP. Yeah, he was unbelievable. So, like, that saved it.

But I think if he'd ever, like, got to that point, that would have always been looming over. Yeah, I definitely think it affected his career. Like, he was always in the back of his head. Well, it was because he sat there. Yeah, he sat there. And he thought about it. He'd sit there for a little bit. Yeah.

Remember that picture of him just sitting there, like, hunched over? He just got up and be like... Yeah. It wouldn't have... I don't think it would have, like, resonated as much. And it wasn't a T.O. game when he came out. I was like, that's my quarterback? Yeah.

I think that was... That might have been early the next season. Yeah. We had a bad game and T.O. just kind of had a meltdown. Yeah. But also, on that same play, like, Tony Romo was about a half step away from just running it in. Yes.

Like, he was really... Jordan Mabino, our safety tripped him up last minute. Yeah. Yeah. But who's your favorite quarterback you played for? I would say Dante Colpepper. Yeah. Because it was the first one.

He's swaggy. Yeah. Swagging. He was impressionable. You know what I'm saying? I mean, I was impressionable. So, like, he left an impression on me. And at that time, this was 2003, the economy was good, money was up.

Guys were spinning like crazy, probably a little bit too recklessly. But I remember pulling up and you see the spinners and guys had 20 TVs inside their car. And I'm like, yo, this is crazy. Meek Jackets. Now, this is Minnesota. They get cold out there. You got Pep and Moss walking in with Meeks dragging on the floor. Like, it's a big time of the video.

And I'm like, yo, this is crazy. I got to step my game up. But yeah. And he was like... He's from Ocala, Florida. So, like, he thought he was great at everything. Like, I never met a dude that, like, anything. Pick up sticks or did kickball, baseball, basketball, soccer, tennis, ping pong, badminton.

Like, if you said one thing about competing, in his head, he was number one. And at first I was like, man, that's just him being overly competitive. But then I realized in order to play in this league, you got to be delusional about yourself. If you have to be. Because everybody's so damn good. Like, you have to feel like you're number one. And, like, that was his edge. Yeah.

Yeah. Who was your favorite coach you ever played for? Oh. It wasn't you? Mike Tyson's definitely on that list. Yeah. Because... He always had the pencil, right?

He was a player's coach. And I remember he played hip hop. He'd come out with the pads on, talking shit. Like, yo, I'm about to... And, you know, if that opposing coach won action, I'm going to give him action. Like, he wasn't really going to fight. But in our hands, we're like, yo, you're going to fight the other coach. I was going down.

And he also, like, always played mafia movies before the game. It's like... Really? Yeah. What was his favorite one? What was... Now you just can't leave. What was that?

Oh, Bronxdale. Bronxdale. Yeah, like, and that was one of our favorites. Like, when we played at home, it was like, you know, they going to come in and they going to dish this night before the game. They going to disrespect us. All right. Hit the lights.

Play this clip. And I've seen the movie before. But in that context, though, like, I got it. And then when we got on the field, that's how we felt. Like, we literally felt like we were locking the doors behind them. It was like, click, click, it's time to kick some ass. So Mike Tyson's just a regular dumb fan is what you're saying. Because I play that clip too and being like, now he's can't leave.

We got him. But that was it. He kind of walked around like that, though. Mike Tyson walked around like Soprano, though. He's a boss, big dude. Yeah. And he's a players coach. Like, he'll walk up to you.

Hey, how's your dad doing? How's your mom? You know what I'm saying? Like that, that means a lot. Because oftentimes you guys know in the workplace, you know, you've got people you work with that you love, that you ride with, that you go kicking with. They don't necessarily know much about you outside these doors. Like Mike Tyson, he knew about you and he cared about you.

And in turn, like, that made you want to, like, play for him and fight for him. You know, and I had good coaches after that. But when you're young, you're trying to figure out, like, what is the NFL? What is this league? Like, the ones you first meet, those are the ones that leave a lasting impression. Yeah. How much of a motivation was it when you're going out there in Minnesota, onto the field, and you see Ragnar ride his motorcycle?

Badass. That was pretty badass. Me and speaking of Ragnar, look at the hair, man. There you go. You know, you can go get that spot. Like Thor, baby. Like Thor, yeah. Ragnar wanted $2 million, right?

They wanted, like, a 17-year deal, a million a year. Okay, I'll do it for 16 and $900,000 a year. That's what I'm saying. Undercut Ragnar. That's a perfect deal. He tried to pull a Kalil Mack. And he was like, nah, fam, you got a Kalil Mack. When you blow that horn, does it actually, like, is somebody actually blowing into the

horn to make that noise? Yeah, I think it is. Right by the microphone. But Ragnar was dope, though, because he'd come out on that motorcycle and boom, boom, boom. And when I played it, I was in the metal dome. So it was like carpet, like turf carpet when I first got there. So you're running fast as hell.

It's like taking socks off and racing somebody in your backyard. Like, that's how fast the turf was. But when you land on it, it's scraping all the skin off. You know what I'm saying? Like the robots in iRobot. But like, I feel like that place was so intimate because the fans are just on top of you. And like once you had a big play, like you would hear the stadium get so loud that like the audio would go out.

And then once they come back down at a pop back on like deafening sound. And there's only a few places in the league that were ever like that for me. Can we talk about original Pizza Gate? Yeah, of course. Yeah. So what happened? So I have a great game against the Washington Redskins. A great game.

Our words. And I'm balling. Doing my thing. It's like one of my best games is Detroit Line. We beat up on them and I'm spilling myself, right? We go back home and I'm in Detroit. I shoot a video with, what's my guy? Kid Rock.

No, Mike. The guy I'm going to shoot. Pill in Ibiza. Oh, Mike. Yeah, Mike Posner. Mike Posner, my guy, right? Baird in Detroit. Yeah, very Detroit.

Detroit. We're doing a video. I'm in the middle of the stadium. I'm like, yo, this is just like the perfect weekend. You know what I'm saying? It's Monday. Then I go to Happy's Pizza, which shout out to my guy Happy. He owns a whole bunch of pizza chains out there.

So we're over at his place. Is it Detroit style? Detroit. Detroit style. You got it. Nice. Detroit sounds good. Detroit sounds good.

Yeah. Right. Right. He's a lot of marinara. So tomato sauce is heavy and strong on there. So we're eating, relaxing. You know what I'm saying? We're drinking.

We're going to watch the game. And then after the game, I'm chilling. I'm like, I don't want to do nothing. I'm going to just let the liquor relax and subside. So I keep eating, hydrate. And then I'm like, I'm going to take all this food home. He's like, yeah, go ahead. So I put all this food in my passenger seat.

And then there's a hookah spot right on this road before I go on the freeway. This is after I done sobered up. I go to the hookah spot. I see my young dudes at old players who go, hey, what's up, bro? We didn't know if you were coming to weekend. What's up, bro? Let's take a shot. I'm like, nah, let's take a shot.

I look. I can't because I'm about to drive home, bro. I'll come through tomorrow. I promise y'all. They're like, yo, every time you come, you take a shot. I'm like, I do, but it's late. I'm already sobered up. Let me just hop in the car.

That saved me. I promise you that saved me. I get in the car. I'm driving. And it's late. And I'm gassing the freeway, driving with my knees, playing the new Drake, Take Care album. So I'm playing with the auxiliary chord, driving my knees. I'm looking up, looking up.

And then I look up for a third time. And I'm pushing up on this van, like this gray van. And as I get close to it, instead of just breaking, I do like this. I'm like, in my head, I'm like, I could break. Oh, this food is going to go everywhere. And I had a little Yukon that I had tricked out. And in my head, I'm like, I'll just yank the wheel. So I yanked the wheel.

And then I'm headed towards the embankment. And I'm like, all right. Not really panicked, though. I'm like, I'm good. Let me correct it. I yanked the wheel back right. And I'm like, yo, damn, what is going on? And I'm headed down towards the opposite side of the freeway.

And then I'm like, all right, I got one more chance. I yank it again. And I'm headed towards the medium, the concrete medium. And I'm like, the car starts to straight up like this. I'm like, I'm good. I'm good. Oh, no, I ain't good. I ain't good.

And then boom. And I'm holding onto the steering wheel like this. This hand slips off. This hand stays on. And I tense up and lock up. So I get out. My passenger side door was completely crushed. And I'm like, all right, am I all right?

I'm tripping. I look for the van. The van's gone. I don't even know where it is. I'm like, was that it? It's a ghost van. Yeah. It's a ghost van.

I don't know. So then I get out. It's coming for pizza. It was annoyed. It's annoyed. I get on the other side. So now I'm like this. All right.

I'm a little sore. I'm like, let me check. Let me check my money makers. I'm good. I'm good. You know, I bang them up against the front of the vehicle. But I'm good. And I'm like, all right.

I'm looking at my sweater. I got a little blood. I'm like, okay. I busted my nose on the emergency bag or whatever it is. So I'm like, all right. Let me check my hands. And this one's going like this. 1,000 miles a minute.

My right hand is going 1,000 miles a minute. My left hand is going extremely slow. And I'm like, that is odd. Why would that be happening? So then I'm like, shucks. I slide my sleeve up. My bones on either side of both sides of my wrist. Displaced about an inch.

Not protruding though. But I can see I just broke my arm. So out loud. There's nobody here around me, of course. Single car accident. And I'm like, damn, I just fucked up our season. That's exactly what I said to myself. Because at that point, me and my staff had a crazy rhythm.

I think in the preseason and then leading up to that Washington game, we were leading the NFL in quarterback and receiver percentage. And we had such a good rhythm that when Matt dropped back, he's looking for Calvin. He knew exactly where I was going to be. And I was going to come down with it. I can go, I got a 40 inch vertical. Like throw it up over the middle.

You want me going traffic? You want me going outside? Like if these dudes catch a reverse or do whatever. And I knew that that was going to shake up our season so bad that we wouldn't recover. And, you know, this is like the ups and downs and roller coaster rides of how like crazy things are. So in my head, I'm like, I'm completely depressed.

I'm like, yeah, I'm not going to be back on the field. All these starts I run through my head. It's probably last time I put on Detroit Jersey. It's crazy. And then this dude pulls up and like this red charger and it's black dude with braids. He's like, are you good? Are you good?

I'm like, yeah, I'm good fam. And I'm on the phone like calling the team and calling, you know, my wife and everybody. I'm like, you good fam? You good? I'm like, yeah, I'm good, man. I'm good. He's like, oh, snap.

Hey bro, is that you? I'm like, yeah, what's up, man? Yeah. He's like, you straight? I'm like, yeah, I'm good, man. The police are coming down their way. He's like, okay, cool. I will right around.

But you know, I got some warrants. And that's the most Detroit thing you could have just said. He sped off. Police come. The officer asked me a question. Like what happened? Told him I was driving. I swear to God that I was going to hit it.

And I didn't want to spill everything. And then he looks and all of that food is just smashed. Like barbecue sauce, marinara sauce, and ranch all on the bottom of the floor. Barbecoffalo. Oh, no. Yeah, so he's like, and then he stops and he asks me again, and you can still hear the Drake playing. And you know, nothing's sadder than Drake singing to you after a car accident.

That's one thing to be drinking and thinking about your ex. I'm upset. Yeah, but. And pizza everywhere. Him just harmonizing to you like, oh yeah, you done fucked up. No, that's what I'm thinking in my head. And I'm like, yo, this is crazy. And then he asked me a few more times.

You realize like my story is not going to change. And we get there. You know what's so crazy is that I get to the hospital at this point, they're taking my arm in this harness and they're trying to reset it. So they're pulling the top of my wrist up while holding the bottom of my arm stable so they can reset the bones and get it ready for surgery the following day. And the nurse who was doing it was a guy with a Green Bay Packers nurse. He's going to fuck it up.

And I wouldn't say he was trying to hurt me, but he definitely was taking joy in the fact that I was in pain. Even so much so, he said, hey man, listen, I know this is kind of a bad time for me to tell this joke, but I'm so glad you're not going to be playing this year. And I'm like, this isn't like a guy at a bar and we're talking fantasy. My life is over right now. Come on, man. Enough of the jokes.

And then he's like, all right, well, all right, we got to pull blood. Just make sure you weren't drinking. And I was like, now I was drinking early in the night, but I haven't had any drinks in hours. He's like, yeah, but we still got to pull blood. And I was like, do we have to pull blood or do you want to pull blood? I was like, it doesn't matter to me, but like, you're adamant about this. You're the first person who said this.

We've been in this hospital for like an hour and a half. And then he's like, no, I just, I just feel like we have to. And I'm thinking to myself like, what is this dude's agenda right now? And then the cop comes in and is like, no, we already did the sobriety test. You're good. And the guy's like, but he said, we're good. Dude was like, but, but that's fucking Packer fans for you. He was probably in order of the team.

Packer fans. Yeah. But at that point, I was like, oh, this football fandom is real. And I don't blame him. Yeah. Why not get a hot story? Yeah. Did you ever have people come up and be like, Nate, I got you on my fantasy.

I feel like you were that fantasy receiver. Everyone had at least once. Yeah, for sure. And I think my second year when I put up the thousand yards, I possibly helped win you your championship. It was just always like, oh, yeah, let's grab him. And then the other years you're like, damn, Nate, what are you doing? Because I've had so many injuries that ended my seasons.

And like, it's like, it's like a career. I'm fulfilled. There's part of me that has so much pride that I lasted 11 years. But then this part of me is like, what if I was healthy though? Like I had 41 touchdowns. And basically in my head, I felt like I missed half of my career due to injury. Yeah. And, you know, you look at some of these young guys and you see similarities.

Damn, could I have been like an 80 90 touchdown dude if I'd just stayed on the field? But that's the way it goes. Injuries in there. Broken leg, ACL, PCO, MCO, broken nose, broken ribs, separate shoulder, separate shoulder, broken ankles, like all these different injuries. You should drink more milk. Yeah.

Well, here's a spin zone. You weren't like our mutual friend, Tony Sheffler. You didn't have 22 coats. You didn't have his career. And when we beat him in basketball and his confidence was never the same in his driveway. Yeah. He was 22 on one.

Two on one. Yeah. I mean, so I guess it was. Tony got game. He got he not that day. Sorry. I'm going to call him and tell him. Yeah.

If you tell if you ask him, he's like a guy that could have made it to the NBA. Yeah, he probably actually could. He probably actually could have made majorly baseball. Probably could have been a professional bull rider too. No, he'd be a rodeo guy. He matched in college baseball. Was he? Yo, yeah.

He's a beast, huh? Look up his numbers. I'm one of the best athletes on the team and nobody believed him. I believe him. Think it's because he's white. Yeah. White guys don't get enough lead when it comes to athletes. You just said like a while ago, you're like, it doesn't matter if you're black or white.

Short or tall, slow or fast. I was like, I'm on the Bronx side of all three of these. Yes. Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely. I have one last question. Seeky question put in promo code take you at $10 off your Seeky purchase.

My last question is Naper Olsen, you played in the NFL. You got hit by the biggest, baddest dudes in the world. You went across the middle. You did all this stuff. Why are you afraid of batting cages? Damn. That's a good question, bro. I don't know.

I don't know if it's a hand-eye coordination thing. I don't know if I just feel like I'm going to catch that, that one that's high on the inside. No, too straight. No. That's the weird thing about it. Like I feel like it's going to hit me. Even at like 55 miles per hour, which is fairly slow, right?

I'll get in there. I'm nervous. Like the back of my knees are sweating and I'm like, what is going on? And I just can't get it right. Like it's the hardest thing in the world. Now I catch a rhythm and I'll start hitting them and now I'm feeling myself. But the first moment I walk in there, listen, if you're turning up the 90s, I'm not even going in there.

Like don't even think about it. And don't even put me on the mound. Like it's craziest thing ever. I love baseball. I was just terrible when I batted. Terrible. I couldn't hit the ball. And I think that just stuff.

It's like batting cages and octopuses. Now I don't know. You don't like octopuses? Was it the same way? The worst way to die in the world. What? They're the creepiest things ever. Octopus?

How many octopus deaths are there? And that's the whole point. The Eurocongee out in Australia, that tiny one. We don't know how many alien deaths there are, but we don't want to meet them face-to-face. Wait, isn't a batting cage the same thing as just a jug machine? Just different ball coming out of it? Yeah. Yeah, but I get to catch it and control it at the end and the jugs ain't coming out

that fast. Give me one sleeper for the season. We'll end with that. Don't say the 49ers. No. No, no, no. One sleeper, and I can't say the Jacks because they're not really sleepers anymore, right? No, play portals above.

One sleeper for the season is dares on the Cardinals. Oh, I like it. I have them too. Okay. Sam Bradford, of course, he has to stay healthy. David Johnson came on our show. I say, hey, David, what are you going to do this season? You know, he talks real chill.

He's like Michael Jackson when he is 20. He's like, I just, a thousand and a thousand. I was like, wait, time out. What? Your goal is what? A thousand and a thousand. A thousand and a thousand, bro? So with him, Larry Legend, Fitzgerald, and then Chandler Jones and Patrick Peterson,

I think they can do some damage. All right. Nate Burleson, thank you so much. Thanks, man. Best of luck. I appreciate it, man. Appreciate you following me on. I had some fun, man.

Come on again, man. Yes, absolutely. He's awesome craziness. Yeah. That interview with Vape Burleson, I'm going to call him Vape Burleson, was brought to you by Burst E-Liquids. There's a high fog advisory today at Barstool Sports, and it's brought to you by Burst E-Liquid.

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All right. Let's do some segments. First up, we have a King State Kings for Phil Rivers. He was on the Dan Patrick show on Monday and was asked, are you done having kids? He replied, no. Heck no. No, man. We're just getting started.

So, seven kids and no end in sight. You can't stop. You can't stop his sperm. You can only hope to contain it. That guy has never looked at a condom. Oh, man. I mean, I like it because I really, really hope that he is just like, I'm going to field my own football team.

Mm-hmm. 11 players. No, that's absolutely what he's doing. Or he's just, you know, he's just trying to, I think as long as he's having kids, he feels like he can still play football. True. And the second he stops firing out children, then he's like, okay, it's time to hang it up.

He's addicted to having kids. Mm-hmm. That's, they need to, I would love to see like a VH1 reality television show, Phil Rivers after he retired. He's going to, he's going to be the next like 14 and counting. Yeah. Kids everywhere. Yeah.

Just bullotizing kids. Yeah. That's what he does. His sperm are just so freaking accurate. Yeah. It's nuts. He's got that good, he's got that good nut. He does have the good nut.

He's got that unorthodox release. All right. I saw that Ryan Fitzpatrick, he's got like five or six kids. Oh, really? That's a new trend in the NFL. Yeah. Yeah. Joe Flacco has five and he's going for more.

They got those millions. They're just like, let's just, well, what else are we going to spend it on? Kids. We have a, as a white guy, as a white guy, we have no problem with Burton Ernie's lifestyle if they are gay, but they might not be gay. Well, why would you say that? Well, because they released a statement. Burton Ernie?

Yeah. Burton Ernie released a statement. No, what happened was the writer for Burton Ernie said, yeah, I based the characters off of me and my lover who, and we, you know, we were roommates and I kind of modeled them after us and we're gay and Burton Ernie, they were lovers. Yeah. So, but then Sesame Workshop released a statement saying, as we have always said, Burton Ernie are best friends.

They were created to teach preschoolers that people can be good friends with those who are very different from themselves, even though they are identified as male characters and possess many human traits and characteristics, as most Sesame Street Muppets do, they remain puppets and do not have a sexual orientation. So they were created to show that people who are unlike each other can get along, they're centrists. Mm-hmm. They're radical centrists.

They did have a guy's hand up their ass the whole time though, because they were puppets. True. So that points more towards the other one. I just love that the Burton Ernie had to do official press release saying, yeah, it's a Mike Piazza statement. Yeah. We're not gay, but we, there's nothing wrong with it. Yeah.

I'm, as a white guy, I'm okay with it. Yeah. I just want to say that. And to point out at the end, they remain puppets. So if you were, if you were confused at all at any moment, if these were actually human beings, don't worry anymore because they are actually still puppets and puppets don't, actually that's what they should have done, they've been like, hey listen, care straight, we don't care because, you know, everyone, you know, it's 2018, but you guys are now

talking about puppets having sex, so you're kind of fucked up. But if that's your thing, that's okay too. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that's true. As a white guy in 2018, that's true. I'm totally fine with that. That's very true. My question is, were they circumcised?

If we're going to get into their personal lives here, let's get into their personal lives. I bet you they have yeti pubes. Yeah. I, why don't, this was actually the perfect day for Burton Ernie to release a statement just saying, for the record, we have totally normal dicks. Yes. Nothing to worry about.

Puppet dicks, through and through. Yeah. Or they're like Barbie and Ken, Ken is dickless. People forget. Yeah, he's just smooth. Dickless fuck. Do you think that Toad from Mario Kart has a dick that looks like Donald Trump? Yes.

That'll be something. That'll be something. Toad's a girl. Now we're getting into the hype. Oh, Toad is a girl. Is Toad a girl? I'm pretty sure. Toad is a girl.

Wow. Lo! Yeah, I'm pretty sure Toad is a girl. That's a pretty good impression. Toad is, I just googled Toad is a girl. Toads are genderless race to take on gendered characteristics. No. But then the water, the fluoride turns into homosexuals.

No. There's a Toadette. There's a Toadette. I saw a review of documents. I've pulled through these documents. Listen, big cat. We've run out of things to talk about when we're at the, are Burton Ernie fucking each other in his Toad a girl or a boy?

Listen, I got on good authority that Toad was scissorin' with tails from Sonic. Listen though, point remains, Burton Ernie, if you are gay, we're, we welcome. That's fine. We love you, still the same. We got the Twiddlebugs. Well guys, children. The Twiddlebugs that lived in their windowsill were probably just their sperm. Yeah, what about the little Fraggle Rock piece of shit?

What are those guys? Who knows? This, everything's, everything's up for, whatever, I don't know, confused. Gender is a spectrum. Yes, gender is a spectrum. Thank you, Mooch. Okay, we have a Supermetrics for John Gruden. John Gruden is never going to be, he's never going to stop asking questions about the

Cleo-Mac trait. He's now a journalist like Wet Dream. Every press conference John Gruden does, they can essentially say, hey, do you see Cleo-Mac? Do you see Cleo-Mac? It didn't help that there were two national televised games for the Bears to start the season. But John Gruden was asked, yet again, did you, are you worried about the Cleo-Mac trait? And he said, no, it doesn't make me regret the trait.

We made the trade. We made the trade. You know there's going to be hindsight, 50-50, all that stuff, but we have loved, we would have loved to have him here. I'm not going to keep rehashing this. Yeah. Hindsight's 50-50. Hindsight's 50-50.

Big time football guy move, just adding 110% on to everything. Definitely not what hindsight is. Mad Dog's 20-20. Hindsight's 50-50. That might be why John Gruden... I don't actually understand what hindsight 20-20 even really means. It's a perfect vision. 20-20 vision means that if something's 20 feet away, you see it as being 20 feet away.

After it happened, like, of course I shouldn't have been on Eli Manning in that shitty offensive line on Sunday night. Hindsight's 50-50. Credit to John Gruden though. Actually, you know what? Now that I'm saying it, John Gruden, this statement makes perfect sense because it was such a bad trade, hindsight is 50-50 for him. He looks back and he still doesn't know why he did it.

It looks like it's 50 feet away. Yeah. It's all blurry and shit. Well, also the Raiders logo, when you look at it, has an eye patch over one eye. True. So that screws up the depth chart perception. Mm-hmm. So he has no idea what's going on.

But credit to John Gruden though. I think he did a good thing. It's going to go a long way in him recruiting free agents in the future. He traded away his player to a championship contender. And he was like, listen, if I'm going to get rid of you, I'm going to send you to a place where realistically you're probably going to win a Super Bowl next year. If you come in, we'll make sure that you're in good hands where you go. You're either going to go to New England or you're going to go to Chicago.

Exactly. Titletowns. Exactly. We have a not to brag, not to brag what we called it, Josh Gordon signed with the Patriots. So. God damn it. Good job, Hank. All right.

I mean, he's going to be really good. I don't think he is. Okay. Listen, I hope that he does well. Go, keep going. No, no, no. Put your flag in the sand, PFT. Okay.

Give us the fucking tape. I actually kind of agree. Yeah. Here's my take. Okay. If you can't get your shit together enough to play for the Browns and for the Browns. Well, that was a promotional video. Promotional videos don't make themselves.

What do you mean? That's why he got injured because he was filming a promotional video. They don't make themselves. That's true. You want to just not get promoted? You want to get anyone in New England does a promotional video shoot. Yeah. Bill Boilichek has a strict, you're not going to do any advertising policy.

Okay. I think that if you can't get your shit together enough to like be able to play on the Browns for six years, then you're probably not going to be able to play for Bill Boilichek. See, I see it as a total opposite. I think the Browns, like you don't know what you're doing when you're on the Browns because there's different coaches every year. You lose nonstop. What's going to happen is you can get to the Patriots and Bill Boilichek's going to

be like, okay, here's what you need to do to succeed and don't deviate at all. And it's pretty fucking clear. And there's no Hugh Jackson calling you, you know, different animal names that dolphin is swimming. The eagle has landed. It's just straightforward. This is what you got to do. No.

And he's going to figure it out. It's going to be like one of those movies where kids raised by wolves and then they're put in society. They freak out at first. Yeah. And Bill Boilichek isn't going to tolerate any freaking out period. I think, I think the, I think the Browns are such a dysfunctional message. Like, yeah, they're frisky this year, but I mean, they have been a really big mess.

And so a little structure goes a long way. I hope that he does well because I mean, that season, no, you're rooting against him. You see your hater. No, you're a hater. You just said that you hope he relapses. No, because this way I can have it both ways. If he does well, it's like I was rooting for him, but if he's wrong, then I don't hope he relapses.

Yeah, you did. You said that. You just said that. Wow. Can you believe him? I hope Josh Gorin lives a long, sober life and has a, oh, you don't want him to have any fun anymore? I hope he has zero fun in New England.

Oh, you can only have fun if you're not sober, big head. Yeah. Oh, that's problematic too. Hank, what do you think? Give me your take. I kind of agree with you. I feel like everyone's saying it's going to be Randy Moss 2.0, but it's like Josh Gorin has as good as he is.

That's stupid. He's not Randy Moss. Randy Moss is the greatest wide receiver all time. So stop that conversation. Reggie Waynes didn't play a single game like they signed and everyone thought the same thing was going to happen. He didn't even play Ocho Senko. Those guys were at the end of their careers though, where Josh Gorin is still not, I mean,

he's not young, but he's... Everyone keeps bringing up 2013. 2013 was five years ago. Yeah. He did catch a touchdown past week one. I think he'll be good. I think it could be... He's either going to be great and it's going to be a one-year thing and then after the

offseason it could fall apart. I agree. It's only going to be one year. Or it's going to be like one game and that's it. Yeah. He also might freak out playing with a good quarterback for a change. He's never done that. Yeah.

Well, no Brian Hoyer for that little stretch. Brian Hoyer had a couple good weeks. Also RG3 in college. Yeah, actually, Brian Hoyer is on the Patriots, so there's a familiar face for him. Yeah. There you go. Okay, perfect. So they'll just actually embrace debate.

Should they replace Tom Brady with Brian Hoyer in order to maximize Josh Gordon's talents? I was saying that Josh Gordon should just go to New England and be like, I'll play here, but I need the number 12. Yeah. Why not? Yeah. Yeah. And then Brady will switch his number, make more Jersey sales.

Shit. I walked right into that. Galaty brain. But either way, yeah. It's a... I mean, it's a big trade. We'll see what happens. I hope it works out.

I truly do. I hope that he proves me wrong. So the piece we need to beat the bears in the championship, many people are saying that. You're going to need some defense to stop Mitch. You're going to need a lot more than Josh Gordon to beat the Juggernaut. Yeah, come on. All right, let's... You guys have a kicker?

Yeah. Cody Parky, bro. Okay. The guy who sounds like he could be... Yeah, sounds like he's like a corn star or a vine star. Choose your adventure. He definitely has a vine star name. Cody Parky.

Guys on chicks. Hey boys, I don't like being called the usual pet names like Babe or Honey. Do you have any suggestions for what my boyfriend should call me other than my actual name? Yeah, I got one. But I don't want to give it away because it's my... it's a secret because it works. Okay, you got to say it. Darling. Darling?

Yeah. Ugh. You say darling? Yeah. Ugh. You say darling all the time. Ugh. I just...

I'm a puke. Yeah. Darling? No, not darling. Darling. No, I get it. You're doing the southern thing. Yeah.

I don't know. Just say hey you. Or just... That's a good one. Hey you. Over there. What's up? I don't know.

Chicks like to also be called by their last name. It's like one of the bros. Yeah. Just say that. Yeah. I agree with that. Yes. Absolutely.

Are they just their number? Darling. I might not be able to get over this. Hey guys, especially Big Cat and his new Twitter avi. My roommate has a boyfriend who is a total 11 out of 10 on all levels. She has been hanging out alone with this other guy a lot recently. Oh. Why is she doing this when the new guy looks like a potato?

And should I talk to her about it? The 11 out of 10 has no personality. That's definitely the case here because let's be honest. You can get... Anyone can get rock hard abs. Anyone. Yeah. Not everyone can be funny.

All it takes to get rock hard abs is to just stop eating. Yeah. Exactly. I could do it. It's so easy. I think he probably had just a six pack to next Tuesday. It doesn't mean you want to fuck him. Yeah.

Also, this definitely the person who wrote this in, just go ahead and fuck your roommate's boyfriend. It's very clear that's what this question was. Yeah. Hey, my roommate's boyfriend... My roommate is ignoring her boyfriend. Can I just fuck him? Mm-hmm.

Just tell her boyfriend that she's been hanging out with the other guy. Uh-huh. Wait a couple weeks and then... Oh, I like that. A little sabotage. Yeah. Saboteur. Mm-hmm.

Sup, Big Cat. Sup, PFT and Big Cat with the big tits. My boyfriend and I have been feuding for the last two weeks and seem to feel more like roommates than partners. All he wants to do is watch football and toke bongs and refuses to even spend 30 minutes watching World of Dance with me. What? It's the finale.

What is... Well, yeah, it's the finale. Instead, he stalks up on booze and proceeds to get shit-faced and screaming about teams he doesn't care about. Well, he's gambling. He's gambling. A lot of money. Sounds like he does care.

Yeah. He cares a lot. Is there anything I can do? No. Yeah. Yeah. Whatever the fuck that day is. Yeah.

Yeah. You're screwed. Here's what you do. Go look at the football schedule. There'll be like a Friday night where it's USF vs. UConn. That's date night. Mm-hmm. That's your one date night.

Or just, yeah, you DVR your shows and then you trick them like on a Tuesday, Wednesday, or Friday night, be like, oh, look, my show's on and you want to watch them and those are the nights that should generally be safe from football. Well, action, action, action, yeah. Or start gambling yourself and that will piss him off. Just start gambling the opposite side of every one of his bets. Be better than him at gambling. Yes.

Actually, guys love that when you beat them at stuff they care deeply about. Larry is a better gambler than your boyfriend, guaranteed. My boyfriend says he wants to save money, but bets on every football game. Yeah. What do I do? What's the... Well, he's actually... Those aren't mutually exclusive.

Yeah. He's earning money. Yeah. Exactly. Because when you bet, you win. Right. Yeah. You can't bet anyone, all of the gamblers out there are people who are, you know, dating

a gambler or whatever. The only way to lose is to walk away. So you never... As long as you're sitting at the table, you still could win. You can't win if you don't play. Right. Sup boys, especially PFT. My boyfriend put me on the pod about a year ago and we're both proud AWLs.

Because he knows I'm a fan, he'll work PMT jokes into our day-to-day lives. At first I thought it was cute, but then this past weekend I was blowing him and right before he came, he yelled, drink paint this green. And a few minutes later, he asked me how I enjoyed his glossy white. How do I ensure this never happens again? I love the show, but at some point I think there needs to be a line. Well, you're... Yeah.

Well, he's listening to this right now. So just don't do it anymore, dude. Well, yeah, just... That's it. That's it. You're good. You're good. No, we had the conversation.

To the girl, stop listening for a second to the guy. That's kind of funny. Yeah, it is funny. One time. It's funny because we can't encourage people to be doing this. Yeah, just... Shit. No, we had the conversation.

Just don't do it anymore? Yeah, just stop. Appreciate you listening. Your AWLs... Here, if you stop doing it, we will nominate you for AWL of the year. Yeah. A made-up award. Yeah, so we need the girl to follow up with us and make sure that he does stop.

Yes. What's up, boys? I recently made a deal with my boyfriend that if I buy him playoff Cubs tickets, he asked to shave the property of Katie, my name, on his head. What? To my surprise, he was not at all reluctant to say yes. Should I be worried that my boyfriend is turning into a beta and agreeing to let the world know that I own him?

That sounds like a... What a fucking move by her. That sounds like a future... Like future him will figure it out. Yeah, oh yeah. Future him... Give me the tickets. Give me the tickets.

I don't worry about putting it in my head. But she's kind of got a point. Like, she owns him. Well, yeah, if that's on your head, but the thing is that she's not realizing, you can shave that into your head and then shave the rest of your head right after. Don't give away his secret, dude. Okay. He fucking figured out a loophole.

God damn it, P.F.D. He wants to go to Cubs games. Hey, P.M.T., boys, especially suicidal big-hats, pepperoni nipples. Oh, I'm back, baby. Don't even... Don't bring that... Don't bring that down on me. Go, Wisconsin.

Bears are fucking Super Bowl team. They're wagon. Uh, stuff, boys, especially Bubba Nasty. So... Wow. Why do girls sweat a lot in some areas, but not others? You talking about your koochee? Mmm.

It's because you guys don't have as much hair. So if you're a dude... It's getting wet, considering sweating. Yes, exactly what he's saying. You've learned a lot. It's internal... It's internal sweat. Yeah.

Because you get hot. Yeah, exactly. You got it. You got it. I got it. You got it. Yeah, yeah. You got it.

That's the last one. All right. We'll see everyone. Friday, we have the return of our good friend, Ryan Whitney, plus a very fun interview with author Jeff Perlman, talking about his new USFL book, some wild stories, wild stories about the USFL. Make sure you tune in. And our gambling picks.

Mm-hmm. I'll see you at Pelt Pong Thursday night, Boston. Love you guys. I'm talking away, though I don't know what I'm just saying, I'm saying it anyway, today is another day, just finding you shining away, though I'll be coming for your love, okay? So needless to say, I won't say it, it's about me, it's time we're laid awake, slowly learning that life is okay. It's the better to be safe and solving.

It's part of my take presented by Bar Stool Sports.