Pardon My Take - New Orleans Saints Head Coach Sean Payton

Episode Date: May 9, 2018

We're live in New Orleans and after 24 hours on the ground Big Cat's ears just popped. PFT's Caps beat the Penguins, finally, and now he has to figure out a way to apologize to everyone for not eating... poop (2:20 - 13:40). We talk NBA second round, Lebron emasculated the Raptors, the Rockets and Warriors are on a collision path, and Joel Embiid talks maybe a little too much for a guy who gets winded every 4th quarter (13:40 - 18:34). Hot Seat/Cool Throne including Swansea, and our ability to bring bad luck to interview subjects (18:34 - 29:59). New Orleans Saints Head Coach Sean Payton joins us to talk about his past 12 years in Louisiana, what life after Drew Brees may look like, how close he was to dying when Adrian Peterson was mad at him, playing for the lockout Spare Bears, and we pitch him Adam Sandler movies but he didn't really like that (29:59 - 72:02). Segments include Embrace Debate is Greeny being a Weeny because he can't pick a side on MJ vs Lebron, Trouble in Paradise Matt Harvey lives in Cincy now, Hank Hot in the Street Elon Musk's new girlfriend Grimes and Guys on Chicks. You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. On today's pardon my take, we are live from New Orleans, New Orleans with Coach Sean Payton of the New Orleans Saints. We have a fun interview with Coach Payton, talk to him about the time Adrian Peterson almost killed him, also hit his off here and we also have a little discussion to get to about PFT eating poop, hot seat cool throne and because it is Wednesday, guys on chicks. Before we get to all of that, everyone knows we are downloading the Cash App now. We are a Cash App Podcast, first podcast ever to be Cash App friendly. So sending and receiving money is totally free and fast with
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Starting point is 00:02:36 Welcome to part of my take and presented by Siki. Today is Wednesday, May 9th and I have to say something before we start. I thought for the entire day that today was 6'9 and that you were fucking with me by not bringing it up until about 8.30 tonight, I was like... What the fuck is that noise? Is that my nose? No, it was my ears. It was my ears. Hold on. That's my nose. I'm worried about you big cats. That was your ear? Yeah. What the fuck was that? You have a ghost in your ear. No, my ear hasn't. I had the flu and then my ear didn't pop. No, it just popped. That was like a bug screaming inside your head. We're in the show. Okay, we're doing the show because that's not your body. That's not your body. He just took it off. That's his butt.
Starting point is 00:03:33 Big cat has an insect or a ghost inside of your head. I can't explain it. My ear didn't pop. It's popping right now live on air. This is breaking news. My ear is popping from our flight on Monday night. That's weird, man. Wow. I feel I can hear now. That was fucking awesome. I feel so much better. Don't perform well. 24 hours later, my ear has finally popped. Stay away from me. Okay. I thought it was 6'9 all day. I thought you were fucking with me. No, you can't. Don't make it. Don't make the noise now because you've got to keep... No, I wasn't fucking with you. Yeah. May the 9th be with you. Not only did I think it was 6'9 all day, I thought it was 6'9 coming up that I tried to book Gronk this week. I was like, hey, we should
Starting point is 00:04:14 really... I even texted Dante and I was like, hey, can we get Gronk on for 6'9? He jumped ahead of four months. And he was like, I'll try. And I don't think... I think he probably thought I was just like... I probably thought I was just crazy. But yeah, I got my month screwed up. So it turns out May is actually the fifth month. You know what? Instead of 6'9, we should get DJ Khaled. Or instead of Rob, we should get DJ Khaled on the 6'9. All right. So let's get to the real... Now that my ear is popped and I figured out what month it is, let's get to the real news. My ear just popped. It was breaking news. First ever podcast ear popping. But that buried the whole lead because the Capitals have done the impossible. They beat
Starting point is 00:04:49 the Pittsburgh Penguins in the playoffs. We didn't think it would happen. It happened as Die Hard Caps fans, all three of us. I knew it was going to happen. I knew it was going to happen. I was so confident in that team when it went to overtime. You know what? I was just going to look at game six. If we had lost that game, the whole series was over. Yes. There's no chance that we're going to come back. That's a mental midget thing. And you know what? We did it with... Should we say the M word? No, we shouldn't. It's just mental. Yeah. You're mentally small. Mental health is an issue now. Do not say the M word. It's just health. Brain midget. Okay. We're off the rails. But what we really... And I think PFT is enjoying it because the longer
Starting point is 00:05:28 we stay off the rails, the less time we'll have to talk about the foul. You have to eat some poop. Let's talk hockey for a second. Let's dig into the nitty gritty. We got Tampa Bay coming up. No, no, no. Like I said, let's not look ahead. Yeah. Let's figure out the things we need to take care of before the series starts. The Eastern Conference final starts on Friday night. You have to eat some poop. And we're getting to the point now where I've even said to you, I might just eat poop just to out for you because it's getting so sad what you're doing. Like you were... What am I doing? You're thinking about it so much. You're like, I can't do it. I can't do it. You came off the plane. You're like, what if I eat a mushroom with
Starting point is 00:06:06 a little poop on it? What if you were talking to some guy today? You're like, hey, what's in white Burdu or something? Like... Boudin. Yeah, Boudin. Because I don't know. You're like, well, is there poop in there? Because maybe I could just eat that. Dude, you just got to eat some poop. Well, you just have to fucking put it in your mouth for one second. It's Cleveland. It's a Cleveland delicacy. You put it in your mouth, you spit it out, boom, done. We're on to the Eastern Conference finals. So you make an interesting distinction because you say that I don't have to eat the poop. You say I just have to put it in my mouth and spit it out. Yes. Yes. See, now you're accusing me of backing out of it. I think that would be more of a back out than if I prepared a dish. No, no,
Starting point is 00:06:40 this is what you're doing. That poop in it and then I swallowed that poop. No, you need to do exactly what they've done in Philly and Cleveland. That's the nature of the agreement. It's the championship feel. You won the Stanley Cup. That was your Stanley Cup. You'd pick up the poop, you put it in your mouth, and you'd walk on. Listen, I agreed to that contract under duress. It was after a long week in Vegas. It doesn't matter. I got off the plane. I got off the plane when or where you agreed to it. You agreed to it. Okay, here's my biggest issue is there is no, it doesn't matter if you have an issue or not. It's not like your personal issues do not matter. Yeah. No, this is a personal problem. No, no, no. Here's why. So if I go ahead and I just
Starting point is 00:07:22 straight up eat poop, full poop eat right now. Like you gave your word that you would listen. If I do that right now, then what do I do after the Stanley Cup? I don't know. Yeah. Celebrate. Have a great time. Not have to have the stress of putting poop in your mouth. So there's no poop. No, it's one and done. Yes. Number two. That was one point of this. This was a Stanley Cup championship because you beat the Pittsburgh Baguettes. Well, you know what? If I eat poop that's cooked in the inside of a better vessel, Jesus Christ. That still counts as eating poop. Okay. Yeah. Cooked inside of a horse and it comes out of your ass and then you eat it. Yes. Cooked in a horse's belly and then plopped on the ground. I'm just sad. I'm sad for the award-winning listeners because Hank and I have
Starting point is 00:07:57 tried our best to be in a podcast of integrity. I can't say I'm surprised. I just was really not surprised. Not this time. We're down in Louisiana. I'm disappointed. Yeah. We're down in Louisiana. We should just take a day trip and what if I eat Mike the Tiger poop? No, it's, well, okay, fine. You can eat Mike Tiger poop. You can do whatever you want. I'd rather eat Tiger poop. Okay. That's fine. You can eat poop, but you just got to do it. And I'm actually, frankly, I'm done talking about this because it just, it's now it's put up or shut up time. All right. The Easter Conference finals start Friday. So hopefully we have a resolution by Thursday's show. I'm sure we will. Okay. So now on to Tampa Bay. We can talk about Tampa Bay. The hockey town.
Starting point is 00:08:34 Embrace debate. At what point does it keep going back into it? At what point? No. Listen to me. At what point does food become poop? Stop. When it comes out of a horse's ass. Yes. It is poop. Yes. So when it touches it, when it touches a butthole. Yeah. When it comes out of a butthole. So when it touches a butthole. When it comes out of it. No. You can't just, I know what you're going to do. You're going to like get a sandwich and then go wipe it on a horse's butt and then eat it. If you shove it all the way up the horse's ass and then it poops it back out, that counts. But it also has to go all the way through. So what if I put like a jolly rancher into a horse's ass and then the jolly rancher falls out. Yes. You got to put it all the way in. Yep. Okay.
Starting point is 00:09:12 Yeah. Does the horse have to be alive? The other things. The other things. Okay. All right. Now we're cooking. Okay. The other things that we threw out there were if you put your finger in Hank's butt, that works. And then lick it. I also would be happy. Hank was being a big beta about that. He didn't want me to finger it. I'll cook you some soup. I didn't agree to anything. I'll cook you some soup and you have to just trust me. Okay. We'll also take that. You were listening to part of my take, the number one sports podcast where ears get popped and poop gets eaten. All right. We're done talking about this. Let's talk about Tampa Bay. I'm excited because Tampa is a real hockey town. Everybody knows like the tradition down there. It's just when you think
Starting point is 00:09:51 original six, you think, you know, you think the Canadian teams, you think the Blackhawks, obviously, the Canadians, you think the Canadian, you think about the Detroit Red Wings and you think about Tampa Bay. So I have been at war with Tampa before, the 2015 Stanley Cup. It was light work, even though we were down a little bit, but it was light work. They're not that hard to beat. I'm going to teach you a couple of things about what Tampa hockey looks like. Okay. Number one, there's a guy named Third Leg Greg. I'm going to take care of him for you. He's been an adversary of mine for years. He is disc jockey, hype man, tight end on the Panthers. I think he's one of those, he's one of those like Bud Light Girls that pass out free Bud Lights. He's a promo
Starting point is 00:10:33 girl. Yeah. He's a promo girl. He does, he does the hype. He hypes everyone up in the arena. His name is Third Leg Greg. So we've got a big penis. Let me stop you right there. I'm a little intimidated by this guy already because he just tells you right when he meets you, Hey, I've got a big dick. Yes. He does. I don't know how you can even get into a battle with a guy with a big dick like that. He does a lot of charity in the three years that I have known of his existence. He has somehow gained zero followers on Twitter. He's still at like 5,000 followers. Well, we know he's not buying them. Yeah. So, um, and he is going to come at us, but I'm going to take care of him because I've beaten him once. I'll beat him again. Number two, at some point Tampa Bay will try to die the ocean
Starting point is 00:11:13 blue, right? To hype up the crowd. Yeah. As one does, just so you know, it's a confusing move, but don't ask any questions because apparently it's a different shade of blue than the other blue. Okay. Of the water. So, but it's water. Yeah. They're going to do it. It's an ocean. They're going to die the ocean. Yeah. It's going to disperse and then, well, let's not worry about that. They're going to die the ocean blue. Number three, the culture of Tampa. So in order for you to fully understand the culture of Tampa, you're going to have to watch a lot of porn and you're going to have to watch a lot of rest done. Okay. I need to get caught up on wrestling. Wrestling and porn. But the porn, I'm good. Yes. Wrestling, porn, strip clubs. That's what Tampa does. Okay. Well,
Starting point is 00:11:50 I mean, it sounds like a pretty cool city. Yeah. It's actually, well, it's okay. Oh, also, they have this place where you go smoke cigars. It's, um, what is it called? It's called a man cave. No, it's like this whole district and it was not that cool. It was, and people chirp me there too. District nine. Yeah. Sure. District nine. All right. Well, I should ask. There are a few things I know about Tampa and the lightning especially. This is one fact. This is a really interesting fact actually. Um, lightning has never struck the United States Capitol. And three. The building. The actual building. Yeah. Okay. I made that up, but we're going to get that down. Sounds right. That is a fact as of right now. I shouldn't have said the part where
Starting point is 00:12:25 you made it up. Hank, bleep that out. Okay. It's true. Yeah. You made it up. But it's true. That's the only thing that I know about the lightning. They've got that guy, uh, Stamco's. Okay. He looks like he's getting ready. He's cruising for a bruising. Yeah. Because we got Willie coming back. Yeah. So Willie baby. I mean, I, I'm feeling confident for the lightning as long as, uh, Caps fans, uh, take care of all their bets before it. And let's just say that. Yeah. I'm, I'm also PFT. You would not want to curse the caps by not ending up on your bet and then having them lose. Listen, that would be a real sad. The only thing I'm concerned about is a franchise with a tradition of choking like the capitals going up against a guy with a hog for a dick. Like that is,
Starting point is 00:13:05 but I told you to take care of them. I'm going to take care of them. It's a recipe for a choke right there. Um, but you know what? As we've already said numerous times, Stanley Cup champions. Yeah. So we're going to, you know what? I'm going to UCF this no matter what happens. Yeah. Perfect. That's great. We'll hang a banner up in the office. I mean, that's what the capitals do every year anyway. Yeah. But it's, uh, it's for something called the president's trophy. It's the most important trophy in sports. All right. So let's talk, let's get some other sports out of the way. So Ovechkin first time ever in the conference champions championship. So he's never lost. Do you know who else did that? Chris Paul. So congrats to Chris Paul, that flopper.
Starting point is 00:13:38 He just thrown his hands up there. He has somehow made it to the conference championship. So the Rockets took out the jazz, uh, little gentlemen's sweep there. So five games. We also had LeBron finish off the Raptors in such an embarrassing way. Like I, I kept on saying, I can't believe that LeBron keeps finding new ways to embarrass the Raptors, but beating the Raptors by 30 and having J.R. Smith go six for six from the three point, that was like a new level of embarrassment for them. There are many ways to skin a cat and there are many ways to make a Raptor fuel shift. I'm actually just really glad that the actual dinosaur Raptors are extinct and not around to see this because it's fucking embarrassing. It is. The entire species. And, uh, Skip Bayless
Starting point is 00:14:20 actually called it. So he said calves will sweep Raptors. I can't believe that actually came true, but it did. But Skip Bayless also said that he's worried that LeBron James hasn't been tested enough. Yeah. They didn't, they didn't, they didn't get, they didn't gain anything to beat the Warriors when they swept the Raptors. Yeah. That's except they got a round farther. So well, it's like if you're in a video game and you do a side quest and your side quest just ends up zeroing out and you don't want to get any wasted time, then you still got to take on the boss. So I agree with Skip on that one. Um, the Sixers have life. The process has life. Oh, gentlemen. So there was a lot of, a lot of talk about the refs. If they win game five, they have life. Yeah. So the refs,
Starting point is 00:14:57 getting, maybe, maybe extending the game because the NBA needs a series to go along with that. David Stern had his finger on the button. And Bede is wearing a shirt saying they're going to make history, retweet history or something like that. Yeah. So I saw that. I didn't understand what that meant. History retweets it. Joe, Joe Bede is retweets. Can I just say Joe Bede, the worst. Well, I remember I turned on him a long time ago and people got very upset about that, but it's kind of proving true that he's a child have to back up what you're talking about when you constantly talk. Like Joe Bede, I get it. You're funny. You're good on Twitter. The Rihanna thing. Cool. I actually like your game a lot. I think you're going to be a great player,
Starting point is 00:15:34 but dude, you're, you run out of gas every fourth quarter. You can't talk shit when you can't even speak. Like stop talking shit and worry about breathing through your nose. As a guy who just had his nose pop on air, I'm telling you, maybe this road trip will be good for him. Maybe he'll clear out his sinuses by hopping on a plane. Exactly. You want your athletes to be unfiltered, but at the same time, like he's a child. Right. When it's, when it's the playoffs, you need it, you need to like learn to maybe stop talking and start performing. I'd rather have more Joel and beads in the world, but when it comes to the Joe Bede, Joe Bede makes sports more fun. And as a fan, I want more Joel and beads. But if you are a fan
Starting point is 00:16:12 of the Sixers, you probably have at some point be like, just play. Here's my question. Does history actually retweet itself? Because I don't, I don't, that just means history is not getting enough action on their first tweet. Yeah. They're just self-retweeting itself. Yeah. So he's just like calling history just narcissistic. Absolutely. That's sad. That is very sad. And then the Warriors, it's the middle of the game, but they're going to win. So that's that series is done. So we're on to this, the conference finals. Can we talk real quick about the jazz, my team? Yeah. My Utah Jazz. Hank, do you have a joke for them? No, I'm workshopping it. After you eat shit, I'll put out my jazz jersey. You know what I should do? We talked about faking deaths not too
Starting point is 00:16:55 long. Now would be a great time for me to fake my own death. Absolutely. See how much this is, I just want the people to realize how much this is wearing on PFT because this is now like the third time that we've moved on, but brought it back up. I'm going to fake my own death. He's, it's, it's taken, it's taken its toll. It's taken its toll. Yeah. There are a lot of ups and downs to eating shit. It's actually a much more nuanced conversation than I was prepared for. All right. Let's get to our hot seat cool throne. Hank, why don't you start? My hot seat are the Swans. Not relegated yet. We watched the game today. Also Oprah's Swans. Oprah Swans. I've seen a lot of big cat like down moments. This was, this was up there with like, it was like 11 o'clock,
Starting point is 00:17:35 we were watching the game, the only people in a restaurant watching a soccer game and big cat was really down. Okay. So it's very, it's very complicated because not only did I realize today that I actually do care about the Swans, but I also have invested some money, a decent amount of money, and I get blamed for the Swans loss by not only like, it's funny when, when Stooley's blame me because that's like, haha, we're just joking about me owning a soccer team, but the well, the whales fans like actually think I own the team and make all the decisions and they won't, they're coming from my head. Like I'm going to have, there's going to be a big cat out thing going, like the Arson Wenger thing. Well, I mean, yeah, you could blame it on Oprah, but you could also blame
Starting point is 00:18:14 it on Bradley, right? Because the curse of Bob Bradley. Well, yeah, because he, he managed a team last year, two games, right? Two games. It was a little bit longer than I think. But he said it back a long time. Yeah. Like if you get, yeah, if you get an American stink on your EPL team, that's, you deserve to be relegated. Yeah, it was a tough day. It was a tough game. My other hot seat is us members of the Blake Porter Hookah Pedia Club, because I don't know if you guys saw this, but all the Avengers got group tattoos before us. Fuck. Okay. Wait, the comic book people? Yeah. Wait, the original Avengers. So there's like, now there's like 15, but the first like six that were in the first movie. Wait, but the real, like the people who played them? The actual Hulk? No,
Starting point is 00:18:54 like the people that played them. Okay. Okay. So a comic book character got a comic book tattooed on his own arm. Did Robert Downey Jr. do it? Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans, Jim from the town, Scarlett Johansson. Got it. Okay. What does it say? Chris Hemsworth. It's just like the logo. You know what? It's exactly what we were going to do. You know what? But now it's here. Stay, stay woke. I think it's fake. It might be a fake tattoo. Also, not having tattoos has become the new tattoo. Everybody's got tattoos. It's actually more of a manly thing to be like, you know what? I'm scared of needles. Yeah. Well, guess what? I mean, they're nerds. We don't read books. So we'll be fine. And then my cool throne is speaking of the Avengers, Thanos, who, I saw the Avengers,
Starting point is 00:19:33 Thanos is the fucking man. He's a great, he's a great character. Is he? Yeah. Cool. He's a great guy. Yeah. He's strong. What does he do? He just fucks shit up. He just takes people out. Is he the guy that's like, I don't feel so good. No, he makes people not feel so good. Oh, okay. He's the one who I asked you what this meme was, where people were like floating away. He's DJ Khaled. Yeah. Exactly. I don't feel so good. I don't feel so good. Um, wait, okay. So they put them in, they put them in Fortnite. So it was like, crossover. Nerd world, right? Yeah. I guess crossover since there you go. Fortnite should have another two weeks of success. I was gonna say it. I was, yeah, that's good. Uh-huh. I can't believe my ear popped. Yeah, so good. So fucking weird.
Starting point is 00:20:14 My other cool throne was the Halo theme song. I don't know why, but a lot of videos have been going viral of people singing, you know, the, the main music from Halo. Yeah. And that's just all. But Halo hasn't been around forever. No, but I mean, that song is unbelievable. It is. It recirculating into the mainstream is great. Great to see. Really underrated name for a video game character's master chief. Doesn't get more alpha than that. That's true. Uh, PFC, what do you have? My hot seat is Jaywalkers. So I don't know if you guys saw this video, but there was a groundhog that was crossing a highway and a police officer pulled over, stopped traffic, tried to shoot the groundhog off the highway. The groundhog wouldn't move,
Starting point is 00:20:52 so the police officer took out his gun and shot it. What? And killed the groundhog on the road. Who told you to tell that story? Because, I mean, everybody's seen the video already. How much winner is that mean? I was gonna say, it's like, I don't think we're ever gonna get the summer now. Fuck. Yeah. Extra, extra judicial killing of summer. Well, that, that's, I can't, I need to digest this for a second. You should watch the video. Fuck, no. Let that be a lesson to all you rodents that were thinking about Jaywalking on this because you'll get shot. Yeah. All the rats listening to this broadcast. My other hot seat is loyalty because John Harbaugh keeps talking about how much he loves Lamar Jackson, even though he's got a great quarterback
Starting point is 00:21:32 in Joe Flacco. Oh yeah. Real great. Real great. So just because you have five bad years strung together in a row, I guess doesn't buy any time in this NFL. Like it's, you can be gone in a blank of an eye or like 40 games. Yes. If you continue to suck for a while. Yeah. So it's sad, also very sad for Robert Griffin because they haven't really said anything about how he looks. I guess he's, there aren't enough palm trees in Baltimore for him to hit. Yeah. We need to get some. He's just throwing balls at light poles. Yeah. At couches from the wire. Hopefully they have a game in Miami this year. Yeah. My cool throne is pitchers. So there's a record number of no hitters this year. Do you haven't seen that? There's another one tonight. There was another one tonight
Starting point is 00:22:13 and it's been 40 years since there have been this many no hitters this early in the season. So it looks like our theory about the ball is being docked. The seams. The stitches. Yeah. Extra stitches this year. I have a confession. I really can't get excited for no hitter anymore. It just doesn't do anything for me. Well, yeah, because you can't talk about it. Well, no, it's just like, it's, it's, it happened, like you said, it happens all the time. I feel like everyone scrubs that have done it. It's right. Dallas Sprayden. Right. Dallas Sprayden. Yeah. That tells you everything. If you're on, if that's the first guy on your list, if that's the first name that you think of when you think of no hitter, that's bad that it's a no hitter. Has
Starting point is 00:22:46 Bartello Cologne ever done it? No. So it can't be that cool. Right. Exactly. My other cool throne that I've got is Australia. Oh, Australia might. Okay. So Ben Simmons was rocking a chain with a kangaroo on it. I don't know if you saw that. Hell yeah. The other night after the game. A live one? Yeah. One that was dead. Oh. Well, I actually know it was, it was an image of a live kangaroo, but it was like diamonds and stuff. Got it. It could be dead. Who knows. But the, the cool thing about that is two things. One, it probably has like a little pocket in it that you can keep your drugs if you have drugs. If you want to put like a little grammar. What do you try to say? I'm just saying to be, it's a very practical chain. The other reason why it's cool is because if you're
Starting point is 00:23:24 in like a Michael Crabtree situation, nobody's going to try to steal your chain with a kangaroo on it. True. Yeah. Well, it'd be very easy to track down. Yes, it would. In like a pawn shop. Yeah. You'd be like, what, is it my kangaroo? Yeah, that's the one kangaroo. Actually, my, it's not, it's a wallaby. And it's got a gram in it. It's got a gram in it. So, unless you're confessing to a crime, shoot off. And so the other Australian Nathan Walker on the Washington capitals became the first Australian to score a point in post-season NHL history. Wow. So get on you. That is. Circling the puck. That is something. Counter Everyone. Everyone's talking about that. Yeah. Everyone's talking. So Australia's back.
Starting point is 00:23:59 All right. My hot seat. I have two. The first is us. So we have Sean Payton coming up. The minute we walked out of the facility with Sean Payton, the news broke that Mark Ingram has a four game suspension for PED use. That is now like the sixth time that's kind of happened to us. So I wrote down a few of them. We had actually Monday, Blake Griffin's interview, Stan Van Gundy got fired right away. We had Alex Smith signed his contract about four hours after we did his interview. Teddy Bridgewater, when we puked. Everyone puked. Yeah. Everyone puked. John Cena broke up his marriage. So that's a bad one. What else? We have a couple more, right? We had Canelo and Triple G on. Favorite guess. Yep. So we, we've got a little bit of bad Josh Allen before the tweets.
Starting point is 00:24:49 Josh Allen before the tweets. That's bad. We're on a bad run right now. Yeah. That's not great. We're like the, the McBeth Chris for podcast. Chris Long before he did some Libcuck thing. Yeah. Before he, yeah. Before he became a trader. Yeah. Before he did that Libcuck thing that he does every other day. Yeah. So that's, we're on the hot seat a little bit. Just be careful if you come get an interview from us. Well, it actually adds cred to our bad boy reputation. True. Yeah. Fact. And the other hot seat is Tom Brady for looking like a plastic, like a bald doll. Like that guy does not look. You don't know fashion. You just don't know fashion. Okay. His face, first of all, he was wearing makeup. He also had his, it looked
Starting point is 00:25:26 like his fingernails were painted. It's part of the theme. He had, yeah. What is the theme? The Met Gala makes no sense to me. I'm convinced that they just get out. They go on the red carpet and then on the other side of the door is just a car to pick them up. That's the exit. Take them home. Yeah. It's, it's a place to go to be seen. Right. That's what all of this, what goes on? I guess, I guess a lot of cocaine. That's, I heard a lot of you think. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. You'd have to address like that. A bunch of rich people. No way, Hank. Get out of here. Hank, do you think Tom Brady actually looked good? Yeah. He looked so weird. He looked great. You guys just don't understand fashion. All right. I guess so. He looks very weird. I guess. No, that's a great
Starting point is 00:26:02 point. I definitely don't understand fashion. I don't, but I don't think it was a fashion. Take away the clothes. His face looked weird. I mean, you're just being a hater now. No, I think he was like, he's a handsome, handsome man. Listen, a man shows up to the Met Gala wearing a t-shirt and jeans. That's what a man wears. No. I mean, listen, he obviously, Zell is stunning and Tom Brady has it all, but I think it's okay to say he looked a little weird. What was the theme this year? Uh, looked like a weirdo. Bullfighting. Cheating. The church. Yeah. Getting away with cheating at football and life. It was the church. It was the church. Okay. And and then my cool throne is orange, the harbor seal. So, uh, the heart, orange, the harbor seal
Starting point is 00:26:45 passed away 35 years old and got dragged on the internet because everyone said orange, the harbor seal, uh, who was bad at picking Super Bowl games got, uh, it died. I guess he picks up. She picked Super Bowl games the last like eight years and was two and six, but as, uh, someone who might have a gambling problem, guess what? Orange, the harbor seal picked the last two Super Bowls right. So, yeah, it went out on a hot street, went out on a hot street, didn't have to pay its bookie right before it died. That's awesome. That's pretty fucking good. Do you guys want to hear a fun fact about animals? Yeah. Are you going to tell me no one got shot? No, but well, you just told me a seal died, but 35 years old. That's a good run. He didn't cross any streets. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:27:26 20. Okay. Well, that's a good agent. You know the difference between a seal and a sea line? No. So fun fact, sea lines have external ears. So they're like the, uh, Andrew Siciliano of aquatic dogs of sea dogs. Sea dogs. Yeah. Um, all right. Let's get to our interview with Sean Peyton. Before we do that, I want to talk to you guys quickly about Stitch Fix. You can tell a guy who's got style. He always looks great and seems confident. Like he's ready for anything. Well, that takes a certain skill set. Not all of us were born with, but now there's an easy way to look better. Let me tell you about Stitch Fix. Men, Stitch Fix is the new way to shop for clothes, and it's unbelievably simple. Just go to stitchfix.com and answer some questions about your
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Starting point is 00:29:38 out the mattress in the comfort of your own home. What makes this mattress different? At least, it's all about the quality. The incredible comfortable Lisa mattress is 100% American-made and comprised of three high-quality foam layers that provide cooling, contouring, and pressure relief. Go to Lisa.com slash Barstool right now and receive $125 off your Lisa mattress. That's $125 off. That's up from $100. It used to be $100. Now, it's $125 off Lisa.com slash Barstool. All right, here he is. Head coach of New Orleans, Saints, Sean Payton. All right, we now welcome on. Very special guest. It is New Orleans Saints head coach, Sean Payton. I got to start coach with the question I think everyone wants to know is,
Starting point is 00:30:24 have you gotten over the miracle yet? Are you still game planning for the NFC championship game? I don't know that you ever get over your tough losses. I mean, I can still remember Miami of Ohio at Central Michigan, a Hail Mary that beat us. I can remember Indiana State. I was a young assistant on the road at Kansas State. That was when they just changed the two-point play where we were going for two to win by three. They intercepted the ball and went 109 yards the other way. So as a coach, those games stick with you and you just hope that you're on the other side of it more when your career is done. It doesn't seem like the wins you can recall them as easily, but certainly like their games. Did you answer the question? No.
Starting point is 00:31:11 But are you still game playing? How far in the game plan did you get? Just two days of therapy. Just pretending. Just identifying weaknesses and that sort of thing. You actually sat down and put together a game plan. Just watching film. That's kind of sad, but also a very football guy. There is that point when your season ends in our league. Even when the Super Bowl ends, there is this immediate like, man, we're off a schedule. We're on to something else and you get sick. You get a cold. Your sleep patterns are different. Anytime that happens with any industry or business, ours is that way too. So it takes a while to transition into, we're now into scouting. You are a football guy through and through. We've kept up with
Starting point is 00:31:58 your antics over the last couple of years. You do a lot of build-parcel stuff with your motivational techniques. You had the videotapes of the rats eating poison and dying. I tell them not to eat the poison. You had the gas cans in the locker. Bill, he would drop off the gas cans with some veteran players about week eight, nine, 10, guys that might be 34 and up and it would just be an empty gas can. He wouldn't say anything and it was really, do you have enough gas left in the tank here? He would do these things and I think we're in the business, we're teachers and we're constantly trying to think of ways to deliver a message that might be pretty similar and yet in a unique way. That's the enjoyment of what we do.
Starting point is 00:32:49 Do you think that the way that you motivate players and the way you deal with players has changed over the years as contracts have gone up? Have you had to deal with them differently? I don't think the contracts have affected at all how we coach. It certainly changes with regards to how you look at your roster but I think we deal more with the way these younger players learn and the way they've learned, the advent of so many different technologies that didn't exist maybe back in 06 even. In 2006 when I got hired, the Blackberry was your main thing. Yeah, that was it. Everyone had the same. Snake was Nokia. I had the flip. I was still hitting two, three times to get a C. Yeah, yeah. T9, yes, absolutely. You've actually had some good luck
Starting point is 00:33:46 with some of these young players. I don't know if it's luck or you guys have obviously developed them pretty well. Last year you had with the two rookies of the year. Now going into this year's draft, did you have to look yourself in the mirror and be like, hey, I'm getting a lot of rat poison from the media telling me how great I am at drafting? Did you have to reset yourself and be like, I think we do collectively as a building. I think a year ago we were selecting 11, 32 and pretty much in the first half of each round with multiple picks in the first round. A little bit of firepower there. This year we were more towards the back with multiple picks and a few of the later rounds without a second round pick. But I think the key for us or we try to look closely
Starting point is 00:34:36 at what are the things that these players that we've hit on have in common, their makeup, their intelligence, their competitive nature. We're trying to identify some common traits that cross over position groups. We were discussing, for instance, a player in the third round and we began talking and talking. Those meetings are long and a lot of film and a lot of coffee and fast food and we're sitting there and then at one point I'm like, hey, how do we think this guy compares to Camara? Right away it was like, wow. Let's try to keep our standard. We spent so much time on the first round where in essence the great drafts in our league history consist of second rounders, third rounders, fourth rounders. I mean our first draft in 06 had Zach Strieff and Marcus Colston
Starting point is 00:35:28 in the seventh. Not bad. So that attention to some specific traits or what you're wanting, I think obviously is important. But yeah, we regroup though. We check ourselves. So speaking of the draft, in 2017, like you were just talking about with the 11th pick, I heard you say on actually a Dan Patrick show that you guys were ready to take Pat Mahomes. If Lattimore wasn't there and they hadn't, whoever traded up hadn't traded up. So it's interesting to me because we see it right now going on in New England with Brady and Belichick. Do you guys, do you and Drew have a conversation about how many years he can play? What's the transition look like? Because it's one of those painful realities of NFL life
Starting point is 00:36:18 that your franchise quarterback who's won you a Super Bowl can't play forever. Yeah. And I would say to answer that, we never have a conversation about when's your final year. We don't. I think a period of time and trust every third or fourth year when a contract's up and he'll sit down with Mickey and Tom Condon, they'll work through that. And so I think it's, look, it's like anything else. At some point, that transition takes place, but we don't look at it like, well, it's coming. We're in the business of finding quarterbacks. We're in the business of finding real good tight ends receivers. And so look, we had high grades a few years back on Garoppolo, but it didn't fall where, you know, exactly where it needed to.
Starting point is 00:37:12 And when it came to last year's draft, you know, there's a cloud of graded players and pretty soon that cloud is, you know, it's down to two with two picks left. That's good news because Latimore, we didn't expect to drop to 11. Mahomes certainly would have been a target at 11. And then when Kansas City went to 10, it pushed it right really in the direction that I don't know if you saw this, but in this year's draft, Mel Kuiper gave you a bad grade because you traded up and you didn't take a player that he liked. So how much sleep do you lose knowing that Mel Kuiper disagreed with you about something? We don't lose any sleep. And listen, I, I, sure, none. No, no, no, no, I know, I know, I know, I know, we respect Mel and I think Mike and
Starting point is 00:37:55 those guys, they all do a great job. You know, there's, there's always, anytime you trade a first from next year, it's like, well, you got to go get a franchise quarterback. If you're picking at 27, and you just do a little simple math and you say, we want to get to 15. And we feel like next year's one is going to be, let's say between 15 and 27. When you do the points on it, it's, there's no one says it has to be for a, yeah, it, does that mean I can't go to 15 if I want to? That's a future Sean problem too. You can be like, we'll deal with that next year. Who cares? I guarantee that you're not making the playoffs by saying, no, no, no, no, it's 15 to 27 means you are in the postseason. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. So the point I'm making though is,
Starting point is 00:38:42 I'm bad at math. That's all right. That's why, that's why we're sitting here on the, on a podcast. But no, I mean, you can, if you feel like there's a good player that you, that you want for your team, as long as you don't overpay for it. And so the, the numbers added up, the numbers worked, we felt it was very fair. And if we say this every year, three years from now, we'll know whether it was a good draft or not. How does Marcus Davenport do? You know, we feel like he's going to be a real good player in our league. It's a future you problem. Yeah. I like that part. Yeah. That's right. I liked your justification when you're like, well, look at the national debt. Yeah. Like we, you, you know, you can always bigger problems. You can deal with that later.
Starting point is 00:39:24 I ran the nuclear deal just fell through and it's like, I said, I told big dad, I would eat horse poop if the Washington capital is one of the Stanley cups. Like that's a future me problem. We traded into three last year. We didn't even, we had a pick already. We traded into three with next year's two. It was like, wow, you're giving away next year's two and it's Alvin Camara. And we have not like heard one peep about that trade. And so if Marcus Davenport plays like we think we will, like we think he's capable and I am going to ding you a little bit on Camara because you have a great backfield, but you haven't given them a cool nickname yet. So the Ingram and Camara, they need to have a nickname. Yeah. I was trying
Starting point is 00:40:02 to get a point. I was trying to get red beans and rice going for a while. They were, they were going here for a while, you know, with the media here trying to figure that out. And I think whenever you start trying to think of nicknames, it's, it's, it's not good. I think somehow they just happen and you don't know who came up with it. And then it's pretty cool. But when you have, like when you have discussions about nicknames, it's right. It's tough to make it happen inorganically. But I've been trying to do that. What about Camara Sutra? Because you have to find a weird position for him. Yeah. To maximize the skill set. Yeah. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. You have to admit. That's all right. What's our next topic?
Starting point is 00:40:36 So I'll stay on Camara. Did you guys, when, when you drafted him, was that a conscious move to be like, Hey, look, we got to change a little bit. Drew's getting a little bit older. So let's change, you know, you guys obviously went from a pass offense that threw the ball over the yard to last year running the ball a lot. Yeah. Did that kind of on the fly. It's it shocked people a little bit. Well, I think, look, the selection of Alvin really was having a chance to see him, not only at the combine and all those, but also to be there for a private workout and recognize, you know, he's got a skill set that, that we think is just as valuable as a receiver. Yeah. What we may be undervalued was his ability as a runner. He split carries at Tennessee.
Starting point is 00:41:19 And so the vision for him was, was a role that we've had for whether it's Reggie Bush or, or Darren Sprouls. You know, we've had a handful of players kind of fit in that that was easy, that vision. And we did think highly of him. And that was like a targeted player. When Marcus Williams went from the bottom of the first round and still available at 211, 211 is where we saw Camara. That was where we felt like, all right, we're going to be able to get this player. But Marcus Williams had had dropped in that grade kind of trumped it. We took Marcus and then really paid attention as that second round, because sometimes you make a pick and you know, then a player that you might be targeting, you're just not going to end up with. We have
Starting point is 00:42:06 players every year. We really like a lot. And you know, the Ravens just got, you know, a player we liked or the 49, somebody else, one that got away. Who's like one that you think about all the time, like, man, we had that guy circle. I'm going to, here's one that got away. It wasn't a draft pick. The draft ends were on the phone for an hour and a half. And we're talking to free agents and recruiting them. And we actually get the running back that goes to the Texans. He says he's in out of Tennessee, drawn a blank poster. Yeah. And so friend of ours. Yeah, Aryan's in. Yeah. And Aaron, man, we're fired up. You're coming. You know, rookie camps in two weeks, we're all good. And then, you know, well, there's nothing signed, sealed and delivered. It's not like the draft
Starting point is 00:42:56 after the draft. So there's teams still calling. And, you know, to his credit, he saw a situation in Houston. And then there was this, Hey, we just lost Aryan. And at the time, you thought, All right, but there's one that I would say, Holy cow, that ended up being a good one. Yeah. What about how much money did you pay the team doctors for the dolphins to flunk Drew Brees on his physical? Well, it wasn't, it wasn't a complete flunk. It was just a softer number. They didn't guarantee as much money. And look, we had a visit here. It was tough back then because it was post Katrina, and there was, you know, maybe two hotels open a few restaurants. And so we were real mindful of the visit. And we were going to have to guarantee a certain number
Starting point is 00:43:42 based on, you know, where we were as a startup really trying to get going. And I think the visit went well. There was a point in the visit where, you know, I'm driving that drew in Brittany around, we get lost. And that was a two and a half hour. I mean, you know, a long detour and you get lost. Yeah, it was like when some time with him seriously with Deandre Jordan. When I say this, no loss, though, very humbly driving in an area headed towards Baton Rouge and completely look, there was an oh six, there wasn't like a navigation. Yeah, you know, you had your Thomas guide. If you, you know, so it's Colin Mickey saying, Hey, we're really somewhere else. But I felt like when he went to Miami, I thought it was going to be tough for us to get them
Starting point is 00:44:27 because they were more established. And, and obviously, there were things and elements that we were dealing with it regarding Katrina that were tough. But I remember him calling, you know, shoot four or five days later saying, Hey, I'm in. Yeah. Week one, 2017, after that game ends, you need water? No, I'm good. Okay. After that game ends, did you go back and watch it and like, wow, I was this close to dying because Adrian Peterson was about to kill me on the sideline. You know what, and he would tell you this, we did not even have a small spat there. Oh, okay. Sure. Dead serious. I'm telling you, I would because I've had spats with players. I mean, whether you're in denial of your near death experience, there's we had just given up a play
Starting point is 00:45:14 and he turns to me and said, let's run the ball down there. And I'm like, I hear you. You can swear it's a podcast. There you go. But there was when I say there was zero anxiety between the two of us on that play. And he would say the same thing, because I remember getting on the plane and someone saying, man, did you and Adrian have something? And I'm like, no, he just handed me a chocolate chip cookie from someone in Minnesota that had baked baked them these cookies. I said, we're good. It was laced with poison. Yeah, yeah, he gave you the cheese. But it's one of those where it's like, you just can't even begin to explain it. Right. It was one of those that was captured,
Starting point is 00:45:57 however perfectly, and yet none of it existed, how you would have thought if you were sitting on the sidelines, you just said, wow, I could see. But it was more of, let's go this next series. Yeah, how often does that happen where where things are taken out of context, you know, sideline conversations and the way people perceive it on TV? I think not often, because generally, look, you know, the access to the sidelines, it's because his defense sucks. Well, but you get access now with the booms and where they're at. There aren't many secrets that way. But that would be very unusual to have happen. Yeah, it happened when I was in Dallas once with Keeshawn. I was just a,
Starting point is 00:46:35 well, that's Keeshawn. But it wasn't what it looked like. Oh, okay. So the perception again, yeah. And it was like, no, that's ordered itself. We were, we were, yeah, we were, we were good. Keeshawn wasn't yelling for the ball. He didn't write a ball. The whole book saying, throw me the damn ball. Speaking of Dallas Cowboys receivers, doing a little hard hitting journalism here, does Bryant just follow you on Twitter? So is that why you guys have us in this, in this room with no windows because his car's out in the parking lot? No, listen, I'm a huge Dez fan. I think, you know, over the years we've seen him,
Starting point is 00:47:08 you know, in the NFC, obviously we play them every third, every third year. Is that how the schedule works? Well, you play your NFC. If you're in the NFC, I guess there are rotate divisions. That's wild. In the NFC, you're going to be a fourth year. Yeah. And then you're going to have your own division and then the at-large two. And the at-large two are based on, you know, finishes. Yeah. God, I never even like put that together. You just thought it was just thrown on the ground and people put teams together? It's like, oh, okay. Yeah. That's cool. No, listen, I think, you know, I think it won't be long here. He's going to sign with a team. Many teams are going to wait
Starting point is 00:47:45 till the draft process is over. These mini camps are over with. And, you know, certainly someone that I have a high opinion of. I mean, he's competitive, passionate player. Sounds like you really like him. I do. Sounds like, yeah. I do. There's cars not in the parking lot. Very interested in some. Oh, he took a helicopter here. He followed me. Got it. Yeah. Look, he followed you on Twitter. Yeah. Interesting. I like it. Do you follow him on Twitter? I don't know. Hmm. I don't know. Should we call him back right now? Right now. Let's get that going. Get some articles written immediately. Then we'll release this and be like, look, it was just a gag. If I had my phone,
Starting point is 00:48:17 we'd do it right while we were on the air. Oh, come on. I want to jump back real quick to something else that happened last year because the NFL has done a good job recently, especially on the offensive side of kind of adopting offenses, you know, from the college game. One thing that I think you could benefit from a little bit is getting your own hold-back guy on the sidelines. And me and Big Cat are pretty good at that. We're actually, we work for Jim Harbaugh, whereas hold-back guy at Michigan. If you need a hold-back guy, we will offer our service to you reasonably priced. I tell you what, I hope, and that was, it was one game where it's, you know, I know better. And it was a Thursday night,
Starting point is 00:48:56 short week, little rest, no excuse though, silly and, you know, dumb mistake and, you know, you go from there. But I think I'll be good. I'm the one always preaching, get back, you know, to our sidelines. Yeah, but you need someone who watches the watcher. Because you're focusing on more important things. I like it. I like it. So we're happy to help. Does that mean like a New York trip each week? Yeah, we'll come down. When we play in the northeast, you're the northeast hold-back guy. Well, no, I'm only going to go to St.'s home games. So you guys have to fly me down to New Orleans, put me up in a hotel, pay for my meals, nights on Bourbon Street, that whole thing,
Starting point is 00:49:32 and I'll just hold you back if I'm not too hungover. We might be hungover. I got you. Yeah, really hungover. So hungover hold-back. We'll send someone in our place if we're not there. 12 noon game. Yeah, exactly. You guys only do primetime. Yeah, I don't like the central time starting at noon. You got to give me a, I'll show up halfway through the second quarter. PM game. And we'll also, we'll throw this in for free. We'll tell you when Adrian Peterson wants to murder you. All right. And we'll try to hold him back, but we won't be able to. Prominent players that have followed me, when a guy wants to hurt me and don't go on the field. Yes, we got you. True. So you've been the coach for the Saints for 12 years,
Starting point is 00:50:07 which is kind of remarkable because you just don't see that a lot in the NFL now. I mean, there's a few teams who've had coaches for a very long time, but a lot of them, you know, the regimes change pretty quickly. Do you, how much of that is just kind of focusing on what you guys have and not listening to the outside media? What would you, I mean, what would you say the reason was it drew? Is it, what, what is basically the reason for this long success and being here? I think first off, I think we have great ownership. Mr. B who passed away, Mrs. B now, their family has been fantastic and extremely supportive of our program. That they're from and part of the fabric of New Orleans. And so you never take that for
Starting point is 00:50:50 granted. And I think winning obviously has to happen during that timeframe. And, you know, oh, six, we got off to a pretty good start that first year and got to the NFC Championship Game of nine course 10, 11, 10 was a playoff team. That was the beast mode Skittles loss up in Seattle. That was tough. 11 was probably one of our better teams. We beat Detroit, then lost in a real crazy back and forth game to the 49ers at Candlestick. 13 was coming back off the suspension. We won on the road at Philly and the Divisional and wildcard and then lost to Seattle. And then, you know, we went through a thin stretch. I like what you did there. Didn't say 12. You just said 13 was coming off the suspension. Coming off. That's nice. That was
Starting point is 00:51:38 nice. That's a nice PR. But I think there has to be, there has to be success, though. It can't be just, well, we like it here. We're coaching here. And, and so it's been a, it's been a great fit. What would you say to someone who maybe week three this past season said the Saints need to blow the whole thing up. Sean Payton's got to go. Drew Brees got to go. It doesn't work anymore. Yeah. I mean, I get it. Yeah. That was actually me because I'm an idiot. That's all right. That's why we're back on the podcast here again. I said that on the podcast, right? It was a really stupid thing that you guys rattled off like seven straight wins. Eight straight wins. It was like, it was like a game against really stupid.
Starting point is 00:52:14 I really know when to pick my spots. It was that game against Washington. No, it was a game after they lost the first two games. We lost Minnesota. We lost Minnesota. We lost New England at home. And then we went to London. No, we played short, played Carolina. Then went to London to play Miami. We got to two and two and we had to buy and then got going. Our league's funny though. I would say you take any team that's won 11 games. Let's just use that number and you're going to find a streak of four or a streak of five or a streak. At least you're going to find a streak of wins. You're not going to see like, oh, we win two, we lose one. We went to, you're going to see four or five and, and that's when you start playing better
Starting point is 00:52:56 football and that's when you start playing with more confidence. That's when you start playing the clips of the rats getting trapped in the mousetrap. Well, that's when these things become newsworthy. Yeah. And you make your old players drink gas. That's true. The gas was for the rats. Oh yeah, the gas for the rats. I want to jump back to the rats real quick. When you were watching the video of the rats like getting killed, was there a part of you that was just like, this is a bit much. Yeah. Well, there's a little shock and awe there. Yeah. You know, when, when, when the trap and slow motion just like splits in half. Yeah. But it's rats, rats are gross. You mentioned the competition
Starting point is 00:53:33 committee. So are you guys just trying to ruin Joe Flacco's career by doing all this pass and reference talk because that's, that's the best play that he has is just throw the ball up there and let me know. Listen, you watch this guy, you bring up Joe, I think he's a real good player. Do you think he's elite? Who's elite? I think when you win a Super Bowl at that position, the way he played early up. One good point. But so Trent Dillford. And but when, when Joe won, when Joe won, that was kind of a contract big year. And, and look, it's, it's still the ultimate team game. And you bring up Trent, right? And Trent wins the Super Bowl. I was there coaching for the Giants when we lost that game. Yep. And I don't, we
Starting point is 00:54:16 didn't score a touchdown on offense. The only touchdown we scored was Ron Dixon with a kickoff return. Ultimately, your defense has to be playing well and you got to be playing well as a team. And I think that, you know, a guy like Joe Flacco is you watch the season that he has. And, you know, every one of us constantly gets challenged and you don't get to this level without competing. And it's one of the things, you know, when, when someone says that, you know, they need to blow the whole thing up. Yep, they do. You get your best then. And an NFL expert said that. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, exactly. Talking about a Super Bowl, you did win. I know you've probably told the story, but we have to at least ask the question and bring it up on this. How,
Starting point is 00:55:00 how early into the halftime did you know you were going to start with an onside kick in the Super Bowl you won? Fairly, fairly soon, probably halftime during the Super Bowl is about 30, 35 minutes different than, you know, your 10 minutes that we have now. So you have actually time to take your shoulder pads off and change T shirts, actually eat. But early on, I think we decided to, and the mistake really I made was telling Morstead early on, he was a rookie that year and not telling him like with five minutes before we went out, but telling him with like 20 minutes of, of, you know, teenage wasteland from the who. Yeah. And punters, they're, they're cases anyway. So he's just going to sit there and talk about it. Yeah. Yeah. That was, that wasn't
Starting point is 00:55:43 real smart, but probably early in the halftime. How nervous were you like going into that moment? That's like, I mean, that's, that's almost like jumping out of an airplane, kicking an onside kick to start the second half of the Super Bowl in a close game. The mistake. So when you win the coin toss at the halftime, the officials will ask you, which way do you want to kick off to start the second half? And that night there was a slight breeze, probably eight or nine miles an hour left to right. And most of the points were, in fact, all of the points in the first half were scored in that direction. I think Indy started with the first two touchdown field goal, we came back field goal was fairly low scoring. So heading off the field, we said left to right, you know, we're going to
Starting point is 00:56:26 need to do well in this third quarter. And we took the win. Then making that decision collectively, you know, we decide, Hey, we're going to do, you know, an onside kick at the half coming back onto the field. I can remember like it was yesterday talking to Solomon Wilcox and looking out and watching the officials and understanding that this onside kick is going to happen on their sideline and quickly running out and telling the officials, we want to go right to left. Because in the event that it becomes like it did a big scrum, it's a lot easier to say white ball when you're on white sideline. Right, right. I absolutely agree with that. I honestly think that half the time the refs just go with whoever points first down first. Like if all the players
Starting point is 00:57:11 are start jumping and pointing first down, that was a scrum. Yeah, it lasted a while. And and it almost was kicked the other direction. But but you could see that on the, oh, the, the mic'd up copy that, that whole man sequence all time moment. This is the only question I'm going to ask you about. We'll call it your sabbatical year. Yeah, the year off. Was there a small part of you that was like, it's pretty cool to get paid and not have to work? No, I didn't get paid. You didn't get paid. Yeah. No, well, just six million dollars. Oh, okay. So that's okay. Nothing pretty cool about it. I retract my question here. I'm going to say how was there a small part of you that fell back in love with football by not getting paid and coaching your son's team?
Starting point is 00:57:53 Yes. Okay. Good question. That was, that was, yeah. Look, it was just to, there's so many things you miss when you coach and he's in sixth grade. So, you know, he's the head coach and I are real good friends and I just said, I just want to coach the offense. And and that was that was outstanding. That was a real good year. And we had a real good team. How did that work with you kind of delegating to a head coach after, you know, coming over from the NFL and now you're coaching your son? It was easy. It was, we practiced Tuesdays and Thursdays played on Saturdays and you know, I think the number one thing as a parent you look at is, you know, let's, let's first come up with our mission statement. Let's make sure every kid that's out for football in sixth grade
Starting point is 00:58:40 wants to play in seventh grade. Let's make sure they're safe. Let's teach them the fundamentals. Let's have fun doing it. Let's identify, hey, we're going to play to win these games and yet we're going to, you know, teach each player two positions and offense and defensive position and just understand, you know, we're trying to develop a love for it more than because football practice, you know, when you're young is not really as much fun as basketball or some other sports. I mean, you're putting pads on and so that was our goal. And we ended up having a pretty good team. And it's great to see they're all now juniors in high school in my sons of junior. And so watching them now, the various players that you saw when they were sixth graders, it's kind of cool.
Starting point is 00:59:22 Yeah. Were you able to, you weren't able to have any contact with the team, right? Yeah, nobody, nobody in the league. How like, how much did you watch? I mean, you watched every game, obviously, but how like, I mean, did it just kill you watching the games? Yeah, you just watch quietly, maybe make some notes and, you know, that was a tough year. We opened the season, I think with Washington, that was our G threes first game had a real good game. Yeah, I think it's frustrating. I think sometimes you're watching games and then we started off, I think with two or three, four losses and then got on a little bit of a roll, but back and forth. You watched the all 22. Now I ended up watching basically the the net.
Starting point is 01:00:02 Yeah, because the all 22 wasn't available at that point. Got it. And I couldn't get the all 22 from anyone. So it was really the dish. Interesting. I was actually at that game, the Redskins Saints opener that year. That was something special watching Robert Griffin come into the league because it seemed like defenses weren't ready for what they were trying to do that what Kyle Shanahan was trying to do that offense. Has that been something you've actively kind of like tried to change about the defensive approaches like watching out for more of these read options, run past options? Yeah, I think, look, I think each week presents a new set of challenges based on who you're playing.
Starting point is 01:00:40 And I think the college game has certainly created athletes at positions, you know, it's harder to find the bigger linebacker. It's a game played in more space. And so there are projections made, you know, on draft weekend or leading up to the draft in regards to where you see the fit, what you think the vision is. And then when the season starts, you know, take our season, you know, week one at home versus Tampa coming up, James Winston, we understand their personnel. They've had some additions the second week. I think it's Cleveland and then and then very quickly. It's a win. Yeah. So you start looking at the personnel and you start looking at, hey, how do we have to adjust versus a quarterback that can run versus one that can't. Are you going to fist
Starting point is 01:01:26 fight Dirk Cutter on week one? No, Dirk and I have a good relationship. But you just hate each other. No, that was it. That was like an Adrian Peterson moment. Yeah. Well, no, you guys were actually mad. You were actually mad. Well, you just said we were mad. I'm not going to shame you. I'm not going to shame your madness. No, you were mad. We had that, that, that moment in the Saints game where Evans, you know, hit Lattimore, but all of it's good. What about Falcons? You guys, that rivalry feels like it's very real. This division is hard. When you look at Carolina, two years removed from a Super Bowl Atlanta, from a Super Bowl, you know, two playoff teams, three playoff teams last year out of the division, Carolina,
Starting point is 01:02:08 New Orleans and Atlanta. This division has been good now for the last four or five years and you know, it's it's each year. It's been pretty hard fought. What do you think the most famous part of Eastern Illinois is? Tony Romo, Jimmy Garoppolo, you or the fact that the first Jimmy Johns was there. So Jimmy John started my freshman year there. So good. Right. That was the first time that you got some food delivered aside from pizza and they did the menu was the same. Mike Shanahan was there prior. But in I believe 83, it started in Charleston, Illinois and the sandwich items are the same. Pretty pretty good stuff. Yeah. So the the year we're too young to remember the lockout in 87. Did you what was that like, you know, filling in and being
Starting point is 01:02:58 so I'm from Chicago and I pick it line. Well, there was no proverb. I'm from Chicago and I was just up in the CFL with the Ottawa Rough Riders and gotten released and was back home, painting condominiums and then then that came and was planning on going to Oakland. But then Chicago had an opening and it was easier to stay home. None of us knew how long it would last. And so the first two weeks, we won our first two games and then week three, we were getting ready to play the Saints at Soldiers Field and the Saints defense came back. And so here we are in the locker room and, you know, a lot of the guys on that team were all, it was the first year of arena football. It was the very first year and we were all like arena
Starting point is 01:03:43 football buddies. And I remember, you know, you're eating your sandwich in your locker room and each week you're waiting like, when is this end? When do we stop getting a paycheck for this? Right. And, you know, ESPN was like broadcasting that the Saints defense is coming back. Bruce Clark and all of a sudden you're just like, you know, gulping on your sandwich. We rotated plays that weekend at quarterback. But anyway, so that was, it was a brief three, about a month, I would say. Yeah, but it's a cool part of history. Yeah. It's a cool part of, you know. I was home. How did you play against the Saints? Awful. What was their first team defense? Awful. That's not fair. Awful. The game ended though. The game ended with an interception I threw
Starting point is 01:04:24 to the cornerback. The cornerback, their right cornerback, that was the last pass my professional career picked off by the Saints right quarterback. That's the only thing I have in common with Brett Farve, because the last pass he threw was intercepted by the Saints right corner. So the Saints killed you, but then you came back to lead them later. That's pretty cool. Yeah. That was a nice little career arc there. Yeah. I want to get into your head on one particular draft pick that you made. You opted to select, I believe, Morsted instead of Pat McAfee, our co-worker. Yeah. Morsted was fifth round. Yeah. And we still do this. Mickey and I will rotate after each round. You know, we pick a player, I'll go down and see the media come back up.
Starting point is 01:05:09 The next round, Mickey will come down and see the media. And I don't care who it is, whenever you draft a kicker or punter, it just worked that the numbers were like, Mickey had to go down. I'm like, you're going down. Yeah. Because regardless of how talented they are, the fans are waiting for like a defensive end or receiver. And then the Saints have selected punter, Thomas Moosehead, had an SMU. No, it's Morsted. And you can't appreciate the importance of that pick until, you know, here we are since O9. He's been our punter, kickoff. I mean, it was a great pick. Do you think you would have taken Pat McAfee if someone had taken Morsted? You know, that's a good question. I'd like to go back and look at our grade.
Starting point is 01:05:52 Yeah, you should. I would like to see your end and look at our grade. We'd love to see it. I will send you our grade on McAfee. Yeah, I want to see what red flags were on it. Because I'm sure there were one or two. Yeah, for a little immature. We'll cross out his name. Yeah, yeah. It'll just say fee. Yeah, right. Exactly. And then no one can accuse me of like really, it'll just say fee. Yeah, right. Would you like to apologize for the Zach Miller non-touchdown? I'm still looking for an apology from anyone. So you could be the first person to stand up and say that was a touchdown. It was a touchdown. There we go. It was a touchdown. Thank you. And it was terrible. The injury had and he spent, you know, a better part of a week here. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:06:32 Almost lost his leg for a non-touchdown. It was crazy. Can we get that? You're part of the competition community. Can we get that retroactively? You say still win the game, but let's make that a touchdown. And the bears were covered. Yeah, and the bears were covered. So he has to get his money back. Yeah, I get my money back too. Can you make that happen? Yeah, kind of like photo. Yeah. Yeah. Let's do it. Yeah, do it. Just go back and do it. He's a great, listen, a great guy. And I'd never met him until he was in the hospital and went in and saw him that next week and we were bringing him some meals. And he was, again, it was, it was real serious with the injury and the non-touchdown. And the non-touchdown. Yeah. I mean, he caught that ball. Yes, he did. He caught that ball and
Starting point is 01:07:08 he broke his leg and still held onto the ball. He did more than break his leg too. I mean, holy cow. Tell me. That was really good. All right, so I feel like half way better. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I still needed an apology from what's his name. Who's the head of the referees? That's for another podcast. Riveron. Yeah, yeah, I'll Riveron. I need an apology from him. I just have one apology that I need from you and then we'll let you wrap this thing up. Do you want to apologize to me for how you treated John Coon last year? Just cutting him, residing him, cutting him, residing him. John's a good friend. So John, listen, no, I don't want to apologize to you because I think John, we have a great relationship and
Starting point is 01:07:44 shoot. I think he's going to play football here until it ends and then he's going to get into, I think, scouting or coaching. He's kind of been a fixture here. He's a guy we signed back in West Virginia right at the beginning of the training camp. So if you had him on your fantasy, then I'm sorry. Well, I have a, I play in a fantasy league that's only fullbacks. Yeah, I'm sorry. Sorry for your fullbacks. Thank you for the apology. But now I want to thank you for making fullbacks a part of your team because it's a dying breed and you're out there on a limb for fullbacks. So thank you. Yeah, we think it's an important position. Yeah. All right, C-keek question and then we'll wrap it up. You put in promo code take, you get $10 off your C-keek
Starting point is 01:08:30 purchase. Go to a Saints game next year. How much fun was it to go out on Bourbon Street with Rob Ryan? I've never been. Come on. Honestly, this is another Adrian Peterson situation. Yeah, listen, honestly, it's hard to go down. Honestly, when you live here, I could think of maybe two times where three times where either it's a parade or something. But look, Rob and I lived literally next door neighbors. Did you ever just walk and be like, Hey, can I check your fridge real quick? I'm out of groceries. No, no, but we did have this periodically uptown New Orleans, you lose your power because the power lines and the storms here. And so the condo unit that I'm in has a huge generator. It's like a tank and they test it every Monday morning and Rob's house is right behind
Starting point is 01:09:21 there. And so when the power would go out, this generator would kick on and Rob would always come in and be like, God dang generator. And the worst part about it is I know that I don't have power. And so you don't have power. The stuff in your fridge is going bad. And in the meantime, right next door, this tank starts going off. That's why I had it so that he can come over and be like, Hey, all your food is going to go bad. I'll hang on to it for you for a while. Yeah, you come get it in a couple of days when you get power back. We've had him on the show. Yeah, when I tell you great guy to work with. And I consider a close friend. Is that it? Yeah. Oh, well, we should. Should we pitch them a movie? Oh, yeah. Yeah, let's pitch them our movies. Yeah. So your daughter's
Starting point is 01:10:06 dating Adam Sandler's brother-in-law. Yeah, that would be correct. Okay. So we wanted to, I don't know if you ever talked to Adam Sandler. We wanted to pitch you some movie ideas. All right. Well, so this is a new one. This is a whole new one. Okay. So this is brand new. We've had a few that we've thrown around. This one's called All in the Family and it's starring Rob Schneider, Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Kevin Farley, and then it's PH family. So it's about a coach, a head coach who gets fired because his offensive plays stink. And then Seth Rogan and James Franco swoop in and get the coach to start smoking weed and listening to fish. And then all of a sudden, all his plays start working again. He gets hired and then a little, another twist, it's like, hey, medicinal marijuana actually
Starting point is 01:10:57 works for creativity as well. It becomes a federal law. Everyone's happier. Boom. What do you think? So, oh, nice. You like it? Also, Will Ferrell plays the lighter. It's an animated lighter. Also, the field becomes, they just grow weed on the field instead of grass. The field turns. The whole world and the whole world just becomes, instead of grass, just weed and then that saves the ozone layer. Somehow that works. No, then global warming happens, but the sun just burns up all the weed and everybody gets hired. Isn't this where we fade to a song at the end of this podcast? Yes, it is. What's the song? What's the song we're hitting? Well, the song is the lead song to the other movie idea. Now, this is the end of it. This idea is just Water Boy 2. It's not actually a movie.
Starting point is 01:11:43 It's just Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Kevin James, Will Ferrell, Rob Schneider, and it's not a movie. They just go to Hawaii for like nine months and pretend that they're filming a movie and Netflix pays for it and all the families go out to party for a while. And then, yeah, and then at the end, they just submit to Netflix, Water Boy 1, played in reverse. That interview was brought to you by Dollar Shave Club. If you've still got a playoff beard going like I do, and it's a pretty sweet one, if I do say myself, you're going to need to contact Dollar Shave Club. They deliver everything you need to look, feel, and smell your best. Dollar Shave Club has everything you need to get ready in the bathroom, much more than just
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Starting point is 01:14:34 potatoes and creamy zucchini. It's a Buenos Aires dish. They have beef and rice bowl with soft boiled eggs and roasted broccoli inspired by Tokyo cuisine. This is a great month to sign up for Blue Apron and best of all, we've got a sweet deal for you. Check out this week's menu and you get your first three meals for free at blueapron.com slash pardon. It's blueapron.com slash pardon. Blue Apron, a better way to cook. Alright, let's get to some segments. Thanks to Sean Paton for joining us. We appreciated that interview. First up, we have embraced the bait. Is Greeny being a weenie? No. So Greeny went on- That's the easiest debate of all time. The new hit show Get Up, which actually is doing okay now. And he said that there are two goats, Michael Jordan and
Starting point is 01:15:26 LeBron James. He said he doesn't understand why people need to declare a goat and that why can't they just both be really damn good. Well, Greeny, it's called sports and we're sports fans. You of all people should know this as guys and sports fans. You need to have one answer and it always needs to be right. Yes. Well, Greeny is a sports guy. I don't appreciate you coming at him like that because he's actually been around sports for longer than you or I have been alive. So he's a jock by Osmosis. If you hang out with Mike Golik enough, you become a jock. It's just so classic Greeny to be like, yes, I agree. The MJ vs. LeBron debate is exhausting. You know what he did? He actually flipped it on its head. This is why Mike Greenberg is the best in the business
Starting point is 01:16:11 at everything that he does. He said, it's not fair that we ask if LeBron James is as good as Michael Jordan. We should start asking, is Michael Jordan as good as LeBron James? Little John F. Kennedy there. I had never thought. What do you mean like Jeff? John F. Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln and Lincoln's secretary is named Jordan. No, no, no. Ask what you can do for you. Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do. Whatever the fuck you're saying was. JFK was not afraid to take the last shot. Yeah. Or fuck all his secretaries. Yeah. Yeah. We got the same thing. We got the gist of it.
Starting point is 01:16:44 Yeah, we got the gist of it. So basically Mike Greenberg is traveling backwards in time. Yeah. Through time comparing old athletes to new ones. Yeah. Either way, Greeny, like you trying to get in front of the Twitter storm of people like arguing sports, it's not going to work. People want to argue sports. I'm exhausted by the debate too, but guess what? I'll still stand here and say MJ's better. I don't care. Mike Greenberg, if he has to take on the role as like our nation's assistant principal of sports and just like wrap us on our knuckles whenever we start to get unruly and arguing with each other, then that's going to be the role that he plays.
Starting point is 01:17:19 As the host of the most successful morning sports show on ESPN in the month of May, Mike Greenberg, I think, has earned that position. You know he walked into the set that morning. He's like, I think you guys are going to like my monologue this morning. I got some hot takes coming. I'm going to tell America to knock it off or I'm going to turn this car around. All right. The other embraced debate we have is from JR Smith on Scott Van Pelt's Sports Center. Here's the clip. How green is your light when you don't miss a shot? Because you didn't miss one tonight. I'm surprised you only took six. I'm just wondering how green is that light, JR?
Starting point is 01:17:53 All right. I mean, it's very green, but I got to, fortunately, I got a great leader who don't let me shoot too much and this is really good to have. So it's green right now, but it's not as green as that green I'm about to hit tomorrow. So the embraced debate is, was JR Smith talking about playing golf or smoking weed? And I don't even know if this is a debate. I'm pretty sure he was just talking about smoking. Yeah, it was definitely all that. Because Scott quickly went to the golf question right after. You could tell Scott was like, okay, he's talking about smoking weed right now. Wait, are you saying that when you plan a golf out and you don't say I'm going to hit that green?
Starting point is 01:18:32 I say that all the time. No, I don't think that's ever right. I'm going to smoke that green up. It could be both in the fact that, like, I do love to golf and smoke weed at the same time. So yeah, that could be both. Right. Little Trey Wango actually. Yeah, right. He knows. We should actually ask Trey what he thinks as a connoisseur of both. Well, I technically shoot my, well, no, I hit the ball before I shoot my first shot. Got hit the ball first. Yeah, calm down.
Starting point is 01:18:56 When you talk about getting excited to play golf tomorrow, you never say I'm excited to go hit the green. And when you talk about smoking weed tomorrow, you definitely say I'm ready to hit that green. When Jared Smith says I'm going to drown in that brown, is he talking about eating ass or drinking Hennessy? Embrace debate. Yeah. Yeah. Somebody asked JR that question. So he's definitely talking about smoking weed. I think most golf courses have a rule where you have to wear a shirt. So Jared Smith probably was playing golf.
Starting point is 01:19:23 We have a Trouble in Paradise. This is a pre Trouble in Paradise. Matt Harvey got signed by the Reds. Actually, I think he might have got traded. I don't even know. It was one of those like bottom line tickers that no one really cared about, but people were going to tweet. They basically traded him for a bowl of chili. Yeah. So Matt Harvey in Cincinnati is hilarious for a couple of reasons. It's Cincinnati. No disrespect to Cincinnati, but the Queen City. It's not exactly. I don't think the models that are walking around New York City are going to be walking around Cincinnati. And if they are, they probably have diarrhea from
Starting point is 01:19:54 Skyline. They definitely have diarrhea. Well, spin zone, everybody's really thin in that town. True. Because they just shit their brains out. Right. I also have another spin zone for them. You are now on a team with Homer Bailey, so you're not the worst pitcher. And I think the Reds at any point might bring back Bronson Royale. So that will be also like a nice, like the Reds are very used to giving up a lot of home runs. So you're going to be fine. Another spin zone, you're in Cincinnati, so nobody really cares if you're an asshole all the time. Right. Right. Marvin Lewis has been able to survive being mediocre for 15 years.
Starting point is 01:20:23 Well, if Matt Harvey can improve to the point of being mediocre, then he's good. Yeah. Then you're, then you're safe. Yeah. God, he's got to be so pissed off. Yeah. I want to see a Matt Harvey reality show. You know, like when they did the Paris Hilton goes to the farm. Yeah. He's at show called. Yeah. Back in the day. I want to see Matt Harvey moving from New York to Cincinnati. I mean, hey, Matt, we went to Cincinnati. We enjoyed it, but I don't think we're also guys who are going to like, you know, the high, high class clubs in New York for yourself. It's kind of fucked up how PFT enjoyed eating
Starting point is 01:20:52 chicken, but won't eat poop. Yeah, it is. I'm a land of contrast. All right. We have a Hank hot in the streets. What do you have? I've been very confused recently because I've seen online that Elon Musk, who's, I guess, a JV Jeff Bezos, like a Jeff Bezos who's kind of like a little bit undercover about the fact that he wants to destroy the world. He's Jeff Bezos, but his rockets blow up. Yeah. Okay. So he's the Kim Jong Un of Jeff Bezos is he's dating somebody. And I don't know who this person is, but she has one name, one name, and it's Grimes. Who is she? Part of the thought, Raj. She's not part of that, Raj. She dropped out of
Starting point is 01:21:30 McGill. She was a double major in psychology and philosophy. Okay. And that's Northwestern's journalism school in Russian and electro acoustics. She's a musician, apparently. This is, this is actually a very, very important life hack that this person has stumbled upon. If you just do enough random majors in college, you can drop out and then seem like a genius being like, well, I was taking all these weird, I was taking Russian engineering and classic acoustic guitar and also was learning about a Latin mixed with, you know, like a bunch of languages that aren't even spoken anymore, but they didn't have enough coursework for me. So I dropped out. Well, here's the deal. Well, the way, the way,
Starting point is 01:22:16 the way that they met each other is honestly a tale as old as time, true love story. Probably had something to do with the computer. Happened on Twitter and Elon was researching the idea of joking about Rocco Basilisk. When he saw classic, he saw, hasn't been doing that. He saw that Grimes had already joked about it. So he reached out to her and Grimes said that this is the first time in three years that anyone even understood the joke. Okay. Well, now here's what, that's a funny joke. Here's what actually happened. He saw one of her tweets, saw her profile and was like, Oh, this chick's cool. She's hot. I'm going to go through a timeline, find an obscure reference she was making, then DM her saying, Oh, that's so weird. I was about
Starting point is 01:22:54 to make the same joke and you had already made it three years in advance. That's wild. She's British. He absolutely has a fake British accent. Madonna. That is wild that she had a three year joke, we're just waiting for someone to laugh about it. But back to your point, I liked how he, I liked how it said he was researching the idea of joking about it. I got a good one. Next, Elon Musk is going to date Rick Riley. Pretty good, right? I want to jump back to your point that you made though about like finding this weird niche for yourself because it's a really good life hack to have is to just find one subject that absolutely nobody cares about. Yeah, they can't question you. And then if you just do a minimal amount of
Starting point is 01:23:36 research on it, guess what? You're now the world's expert in that one subject. Right. And if you ever come across someone who knows more about you, you just have to kill them or just date them. Yeah, or date them. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Let's finish up guys on chicks, Hank, go for it. What's up PMT boys, especially PFT, aka poop filled tummy. Oh, that was a great one. Well, actually that's incorrect because it's not. It's going to be my mouth, not my tummy. So I didn't read the question after that. I just copied and pasted after that. So my boyfriend is going to be a groom's man at his friend's wedding and going to his bachelor party this summer, but they're having a joint bachelor party. Am I the only one that thinks this is
Starting point is 01:24:15 the lamest idea in the world? Yes. No, no, no, no, no, that's right. It is the lamest thing. That is a major red flag. Well, you know what? That's not a red flag because sometimes there's relationships where like people know these people where it's like, yeah, they just, he just likes to be bossed around all the time. And that's just how he's decided to live the rest of his life. And yeah, he's going to take a bachelor party with a bachelor party. The only way that's fucking hell. That sounds like hell. The only way this could be cool is if the bachelor party and the bachelor parties don't know each other. They all fuck. And it's a big mingle. Yeah. But yeah, I'm getting there. Usually if it's a situation like this, it's like they all are
Starting point is 01:24:53 already in the same friend group. Right. And so it's going to suck. It's just going to be like a lame house party. But if you guys don't know each other, you get put into a house. Everybody fucks. That is a recipe for some great wedding day pictures. If you have like, yeah, little dots of herpes scattered around the official pictures from basically like going on the challenge. Yeah. Yeah. Hey guys, especially PFT parentheses. Can't wait for the video of you eating horse poof exclamation point and parentheses. The girls. Sounds like I'm really popular with the ladies. I'm a single mother and my young son just has me. Congrats on the sex. Wow. Why he gets boners and what to do with them. I realize Hank will be no help here,
Starting point is 01:25:30 but can you help me explain this to him? Thanks. I like this. We're going to be, we're fathers. Yeah. We're fathers. So as this kid's father, just cherish every boner that you have. Yeah. Because one day you're going to miss them. You get to be 33 and they never come. 24 sometimes. Yeah. So. Happens to all of us. 24 as well. No. Some guys, especially non feces eaters, big cat and Hank. Yup. I want to know why sometimes when I'm getting my period, I have horrible cramps that make it feel like I'm getting run over by a tractor trailer, but some months it's totally manageable. Why are my symptoms different month to month? It's the moon. So if it's a harvest moon, they call it the blood moon actually. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:26:06 And there's reasons for that because it's, as we learned, there's no gravity. Gravity doesn't exist. So it's the moon's electromagnetic field that's just like, it's pulling on your muscles, making you cramp. Yeah. Magnets. That's just the answer to everything you don't know the answer to. Hey PMT. Also periods are fake and cramps are fake. It's just something that girls make up to not have sex with me. Am I slowly turning into my mom? Today I looked at my bed and thought it needed accent pillows. What the fuck? No. Does this happen to us all? Make it stop. Well, yes. I think it happens to every woman. I don't know if it's you turning into your mom. I think it's just every woman who gets past the age of 22 decides that every year they're alive,
Starting point is 01:26:46 they need to add one pillow to their bed. And then just eventually they end up with an entire house of pillows. And you're not allowed to sleep on them. Yeah. None of them makes sense and none of them really fit with each other. But every, you know, six months, 12 months, a box comes and it's like, oh, here's a new pillow. Check it out. Do you like this new pillow? Well, I don't know. It looks like the old pillow, but it's new. Well, it's called nesting. And every woman goes through, especially when they're pregnant, because it's like your instinct that the baby might fall out of you at any given second. And so you want to collect pillows everywhere. So just in case it does, it has a safe landing. So, boys. So many fucking pillows. What is the difference between
Starting point is 01:27:26 getting wet and coming? I need to know for sure, because this may mean I've been lying during sex. Okay, so you have. You've never come. You've never come. You've never come. That's the answer. We can go to the next one. No, there is no, the difference is you've never come and you've never had an orgasm. Yes. So sorry, but you never have. If you have to ask, you never had one. Also, women don't ever get wet. Yeah. That's just a myth. Yeah. So, yeah. Well, no. What about the emoji? Oh, like eggplant, emoji, emoji, emoji. Oh, eggplant, water, water, water, water, water. Yeah. So yeah, they do get wet, but only online on Twitter. All right. Last one. So, boys. So the guy I'm hooking up with insisted on coming inside me,
Starting point is 01:28:09 so I made him plan B when I went to CVS to buy it. What a gentleman. What a gentleman. He had no cleanup. Yeah. The guy who was ringing me out offered to open the package for me. And, of course, I said yes, because they are such a pain in the ass to open. So he grabbed some scissors and cut it open for me. Is this a weird move by the CVS guy? He's hitting on you. I mean, he knows you fuck. Yeah, he fucks. That's, this, this is. You know what? That guy, what? Both guys are fucked up. There's some days you go online and you read about a cop shooting a groundhog and a seal dying and you lose all faith in humanity. But then you hear about a guy that, that pays for a girl's plan B for her. Yeah. And then you hear about a gentleman behind the
Starting point is 01:28:54 counter who insists on opening up the package. I think, you know, you've just happened to run into some really, really nice guys. Yeah. Just another day living, living the dream. Love you guys. Love you guys. Love you guys. But Hank and I, I love you guys. Way more. I love you guys so much. No, I don't want to eat poop. And kiss you at the poop mountain. Nope.

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