Pardon My Take - New Orleans Saints Head Coach Sean Payton
Episode Date: May 9, 2018We're live in New Orleans and after 24 hours on the ground Big Cat's ears just popped. PFT's Caps beat the Penguins, finally, and now he has to figure out a way to apologize to everyone for not eating... poop (2:20 - 13:40). We talk NBA second round, Lebron emasculated the Raptors, the Rockets and Warriors are on a collision path, and Joel Embiid talks maybe a little too much for a guy who gets winded every 4th quarter (13:40 - 18:34). Hot Seat/Cool Throne including Swansea, and our ability to bring bad luck to interview subjects (18:34 - 29:59). New Orleans Saints Head Coach Sean Payton joins us to talk about his past 12 years in Louisiana, what life after Drew Brees may look like, how close he was to dying when Adrian Peterson was mad at him, playing for the lockout Spare Bears, and we pitch him Adam Sandler movies but he didn't really like that (29:59 - 72:02). Segments include Embrace Debate is Greeny being a Weeny because he can't pick a side on MJ vs Lebron, Trouble in Paradise Matt Harvey lives in Cincy now, Hank Hot in the Street Elon Musk's new girlfriend Grimes and Guys on Chicks. You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or
YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. On today's pardon my take,
we are live from New Orleans, New Orleans with Coach Sean Payton of the New Orleans Saints.
We have a fun interview with Coach Payton, talk to him about the time Adrian Peterson almost killed
him, also hit his off here and we also have a little discussion to get to about PFT eating poop,
hot seat cool throne and because it is Wednesday, guys on chicks. Before we get to all of that,
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It's part of my take presented by the Barstool Spots.
Welcome to part of my take and presented by Siki. Today is Wednesday, May 9th and I have to say
something before we start. I thought for the entire day that today was 6'9 and that you were
fucking with me by not bringing it up until about 8.30 tonight, I was like...
What the fuck is that noise? Is that my nose? No, it was my ears. It was my ears. Hold on. That's
my nose. I'm worried about you big cats. That was your ear? Yeah. What the fuck was that? You have
a ghost in your ear. No, my ear hasn't. I had the flu and then my ear didn't pop. No, it just popped.
That was like a bug screaming inside your head. We're in the show. Okay, we're doing the show
because that's not your body. That's not your body. He just took it off. That's his butt.
Big cat has an insect or a ghost inside of your head. I can't explain it. My ear didn't
pop. It's popping right now live on air. This is breaking news. My ear is popping from our
flight on Monday night. That's weird, man. Wow. I feel I can hear now. That was fucking awesome.
I feel so much better. Don't perform well. 24 hours later, my ear has finally popped. Stay away
from me. Okay. I thought it was 6'9 all day. I thought you were fucking with me. No, you can't.
Don't make it. Don't make the noise now because you've got to keep... No, I wasn't fucking with you.
Yeah. May the 9th be with you. Not only did I think it was 6'9 all day,
I thought it was 6'9 coming up that I tried to book Gronk this week. I was like, hey, we should
really... I even texted Dante and I was like, hey, can we get Gronk on for 6'9? He jumped ahead
of four months. And he was like, I'll try. And I don't think... I think he probably thought I was
just like... I probably thought I was just crazy. But yeah, I got my month screwed up. So it turns
out May is actually the fifth month. You know what? Instead of 6'9, we should get DJ Khaled.
Or instead of Rob, we should get DJ Khaled on the 6'9.
All right. So let's get to the real... Now that my ear is popped and I figured out what month it is,
let's get to the real news. My ear just popped. It was breaking news. First ever podcast ear
popping. But that buried the whole lead because the Capitals have done the impossible. They beat
the Pittsburgh Penguins in the playoffs. We didn't think it would happen. It happened as
Die Hard Caps fans, all three of us. I knew it was going to happen. I knew it was going to happen.
I was so confident in that team when it went to overtime. You know what? I was just going to
look at game six. If we had lost that game, the whole series was over. Yes. There's no chance
that we're going to come back. That's a mental midget thing. And you know what? We did it with...
Should we say the M word? No, we shouldn't. It's just mental. Yeah. You're mentally small.
Mental health is an issue now. Do not say the M word. It's just health. Brain midget.
Okay. We're off the rails. But what we really... And I think PFT is enjoying it because the longer
we stay off the rails, the less time we'll have to talk about the foul. You have to eat some poop.
Let's talk hockey for a second. Let's dig into the nitty gritty. We got Tampa Bay coming up.
No, no, no. Like I said, let's not look ahead. Yeah. Let's figure out the things we need to
take care of before the series starts. The Eastern Conference final starts on Friday night.
You have to eat some poop. And we're getting to the point now where I've even said to you,
I might just eat poop just to out for you because it's getting so sad what you're doing.
Like you were... What am I doing? You're thinking about it so much. You're like,
I can't do it. I can't do it. You came off the plane. You're like, what if I eat a mushroom with
a little poop on it? What if you were talking to some guy today? You're like, hey, what's in
white Burdu or something? Like... Boudin. Yeah, Boudin. Because I don't know. You're like, well,
is there poop in there? Because maybe I could just eat that. Dude, you just got to eat some poop.
Well, you just have to fucking put it in your mouth for one second. It's Cleveland. It's a Cleveland
delicacy. You put it in your mouth, you spit it out, boom, done. We're on to the Eastern Conference
finals. So you make an interesting distinction because you say that I don't have to eat the poop.
You say I just have to put it in my mouth and spit it out. Yes. Yes. See, now you're accusing me of
backing out of it. I think that would be more of a back out than if I prepared a dish. No, no,
this is what you're doing. That poop in it and then I swallowed that poop. No, you need to do
exactly what they've done in Philly and Cleveland. That's the nature of the agreement. It's the
championship feel. You won the Stanley Cup. That was your Stanley Cup. You'd pick up the poop,
you put it in your mouth, and you'd walk on. Listen, I agreed to that contract under duress.
It was after a long week in Vegas. It doesn't matter. I got off the plane. I got off the plane when
or where you agreed to it. You agreed to it. Okay, here's my biggest issue is there is no,
it doesn't matter if you have an issue or not. It's not like your personal issues do not matter.
Yeah. No, this is a personal problem. No, no, no. Here's why. So if I go ahead and I just
straight up eat poop, full poop eat right now. Like you gave your word that you would listen. If I do
that right now, then what do I do after the Stanley Cup? I don't know. Yeah. Celebrate. Have a great
time. Not have to have the stress of putting poop in your mouth. So there's no poop. No, it's one
and done. Yes. Number two. That was one point of this. This was a Stanley Cup championship because
you beat the Pittsburgh Baguettes. Well, you know what? If I eat poop that's cooked in the inside
of a better vessel, Jesus Christ. That still counts as eating poop. Okay. Yeah. Cooked inside of a
horse and it comes out of your ass and then you eat it. Yes. Cooked in a horse's belly and then
plopped on the ground. I'm just sad. I'm sad for the award-winning listeners because Hank and I have
tried our best to be in a podcast of integrity. I can't say I'm surprised. I just was really
not surprised. Not this time. We're down in Louisiana. I'm disappointed. Yeah. We're down
in Louisiana. We should just take a day trip and what if I eat Mike the Tiger poop? No, it's,
well, okay, fine. You can eat Mike Tiger poop. You can do whatever you want. I'd rather eat Tiger
poop. Okay. That's fine. You can eat poop, but you just got to do it. And I'm actually, frankly,
I'm done talking about this because it just, it's now it's put up or shut up time. All right.
The Easter Conference finals start Friday. So hopefully we have a resolution by Thursday's show.
I'm sure we will. Okay. So now on to Tampa Bay. We can talk about Tampa Bay. The hockey town.
Embrace debate. At what point does it keep going back into it? At what point? No. Listen to me.
At what point does food become poop? Stop. When it comes out of a horse's ass. Yes. It is poop.
Yes. So when it touches it, when it touches a butthole. Yeah. When it comes out of a butthole.
So when it touches a butthole. When it comes out of it. No. You can't just, I know what you're
going to do. You're going to like get a sandwich and then go wipe it on a horse's butt and then
eat it. If you shove it all the way up the horse's ass and then it poops it back out, that counts.
But it also has to go all the way through. So what if I put like a jolly rancher into a horse's
ass and then the jolly rancher falls out. Yes. You got to put it all the way in. Yep. Okay.
Yeah. Does the horse have to be alive? The other things. The other things. Okay. All right.
Now we're cooking. Okay. The other things that we threw out there were if you put your finger in
Hank's butt, that works. And then lick it. I also would be happy. Hank was being a big beta about
that. He didn't want me to finger it. I'll cook you some soup. I didn't agree to anything. I'll
cook you some soup and you have to just trust me. Okay. We'll also take that. You were listening
to part of my take, the number one sports podcast where ears get popped and poop gets eaten. All
right. We're done talking about this. Let's talk about Tampa Bay. I'm excited because Tampa is a
real hockey town. Everybody knows like the tradition down there. It's just when you think
original six, you think, you know, you think the Canadian teams, you think the Blackhawks,
obviously, the Canadians, you think the Canadian, you think about the Detroit Red Wings and you
think about Tampa Bay. So I have been at war with Tampa before, the 2015 Stanley Cup. It was
light work, even though we were down a little bit, but it was light work. They're not that hard to
beat. I'm going to teach you a couple of things about what Tampa hockey looks like. Okay. Number
one, there's a guy named Third Leg Greg. I'm going to take care of him for you. He's been an
adversary of mine for years. He is disc jockey, hype man, tight end on the Panthers. I think he's
one of those, he's one of those like Bud Light Girls that pass out free Bud Lights. He's a promo
girl. Yeah. He's a promo girl. He does, he does the hype. He hypes everyone up in the arena. His
name is Third Leg Greg. So we've got a big penis. Let me stop you right there. I'm a little intimidated
by this guy already because he just tells you right when he meets you, Hey, I've got a big dick.
Yes. He does. I don't know how you can even get into a battle with a guy with a big dick like
that. He does a lot of charity in the three years that I have known of his existence. He has somehow
gained zero followers on Twitter. He's still at like 5,000 followers. Well, we know he's not buying
them. Yeah. So, um, and he is going to come at us, but I'm going to take care of him because I've
beaten him once. I'll beat him again. Number two, at some point Tampa Bay will try to die the ocean
blue, right? To hype up the crowd. Yeah. As one does, just so you know, it's a confusing move,
but don't ask any questions because apparently it's a different shade of blue than the other blue.
Okay. Of the water. So, but it's water. Yeah. They're going to do it. It's an ocean. They're going to
die the ocean. Yeah. It's going to disperse and then, well, let's not worry about that. They're going
to die the ocean blue. Number three, the culture of Tampa. So in order for you to fully understand
the culture of Tampa, you're going to have to watch a lot of porn and you're going to have to
watch a lot of rest done. Okay. I need to get caught up on wrestling. Wrestling and porn.
But the porn, I'm good. Yes. Wrestling, porn, strip clubs. That's what Tampa does. Okay. Well,
I mean, it sounds like a pretty cool city. Yeah. It's actually, well, it's okay. Oh, also, they
have this place where you go smoke cigars. It's, um, what is it called? It's called a man cave.
No, it's like this whole district and it was not that cool. It was, and people chirp me there too.
District nine. Yeah. Sure. District nine. All right. Well, I should ask. There are a few things
I know about Tampa and the lightning especially. This is one fact. This is a really interesting
fact actually. Um, lightning has never struck the United States Capitol.
And three. The building. The actual building. Yeah. Okay. I made that up, but we're going to get
that down. Sounds right. That is a fact as of right now. I shouldn't have said the part where
you made it up. Hank, bleep that out. Okay. It's true. Yeah. You made it up. But it's true. That's
the only thing that I know about the lightning. They've got that guy, uh, Stamco's. Okay. He looks
like he's getting ready. He's cruising for a bruising. Yeah. Because we got Willie coming back.
Yeah. So Willie baby. I mean, I, I'm feeling confident for the lightning as long as, uh,
Caps fans, uh, take care of all their bets before it. And let's just say that. Yeah. I'm, I'm also
PFT. You would not want to curse the caps by not ending up on your bet and then having them lose.
Listen, that would be a real sad. The only thing I'm concerned about is a franchise with a tradition
of choking like the capitals going up against a guy with a hog for a dick. Like that is,
but I told you to take care of them. I'm going to take care of them. It's a recipe for a choke
right there. Um, but you know what? As we've already said numerous times, Stanley Cup champions.
Yeah. So we're going to, you know what? I'm going to UCF this no matter what happens. Yeah.
Perfect. That's great. We'll hang a banner up in the office. I mean, that's what the capitals
do every year anyway. Yeah. But it's, uh, it's for something called the president's trophy.
It's the most important trophy in sports. All right. So let's talk, let's get some other sports
out of the way. So Ovechkin first time ever in the conference champions championship. So he's
never lost. Do you know who else did that? Chris Paul. So congrats to Chris Paul, that flopper.
He just thrown his hands up there. He has somehow made it to the conference championship. So the
Rockets took out the jazz, uh, little gentlemen's sweep there. So five games. We also had LeBron
finish off the Raptors in such an embarrassing way. Like I, I kept on saying, I can't believe
that LeBron keeps finding new ways to embarrass the Raptors, but beating the Raptors by 30 and
having J.R. Smith go six for six from the three point, that was like a new level of embarrassment
for them. There are many ways to skin a cat and there are many ways to make a Raptor fuel shift.
I'm actually just really glad that the actual dinosaur Raptors are extinct and not around
to see this because it's fucking embarrassing. It is. The entire species. And, uh, Skip Bayless
actually called it. So he said calves will sweep Raptors. I can't believe that actually came true,
but it did. But Skip Bayless also said that he's worried that LeBron James hasn't been tested
enough. Yeah. They didn't, they didn't, they didn't get, they didn't gain anything to beat the
Warriors when they swept the Raptors. Yeah. That's except they got a round farther. So well, it's
like if you're in a video game and you do a side quest and your side quest just ends up zeroing out
and you don't want to get any wasted time, then you still got to take on the boss. So I agree
with Skip on that one. Um, the Sixers have life. The process has life. Oh, gentlemen. So there was
a lot of, a lot of talk about the refs. If they win game five, they have life. Yeah. So the refs,
getting, maybe, maybe extending the game because the NBA needs a series to go along with that.
David Stern had his finger on the button. And Bede is wearing a shirt saying they're going to make
history, retweet history or something like that. Yeah. So I saw that. I didn't understand what that
meant. History retweets it. Joe, Joe Bede is retweets. Can I just say Joe Bede, the worst.
Well, I remember I turned on him a long time ago and people got very upset about that, but
it's kind of proving true that he's a child have to back up what you're talking about when you
constantly talk. Like Joe Bede, I get it. You're funny. You're good on Twitter. The Rihanna thing.
Cool. I actually like your game a lot. I think you're going to be a great player,
but dude, you're, you run out of gas every fourth quarter. You can't talk shit when you
can't even speak. Like stop talking shit and worry about breathing through your nose.
As a guy who just had his nose pop on air, I'm telling you, maybe this road trip will be good
for him. Maybe he'll clear out his sinuses by hopping on a plane. Exactly. You want your
athletes to be unfiltered, but at the same time, like he's a child. Right. When it's,
when it's the playoffs, you need it, you need to like learn to maybe stop talking and start
performing. I'd rather have more Joel and beads in the world, but when it comes to the Joe Bede,
Joe Bede makes sports more fun. And as a fan, I want more Joel and beads. But if you are a fan
of the Sixers, you probably have at some point be like, just play. Here's my question. Does history
actually retweet itself? Because I don't, I don't, that just means history is not getting enough
action on their first tweet. Yeah. They're just self-retweeting itself. Yeah. So he's just like
calling history just narcissistic. Absolutely. That's sad. That is very sad. And then the Warriors,
it's the middle of the game, but they're going to win. So that's that series is done. So we're
on to this, the conference finals. Can we talk real quick about the jazz, my team? Yeah. My
Utah Jazz. Hank, do you have a joke for them? No, I'm workshopping it. After you eat shit,
I'll put out my jazz jersey. You know what I should do? We talked about faking deaths not too
long. Now would be a great time for me to fake my own death. Absolutely. See how much this is,
I just want the people to realize how much this is wearing on PFT because this is now
like the third time that we've moved on, but brought it back up. I'm going to fake my own death.
He's, it's, it's taken, it's taken its toll. It's taken its toll. Yeah. There are a lot of ups
and downs to eating shit. It's actually a much more nuanced conversation than I was prepared for.
All right. Let's get to our hot seat cool throne. Hank, why don't you start? My hot seat are the
Swans. Not relegated yet. We watched the game today. Also Oprah's Swans. Oprah Swans. I've seen a lot
of big cat like down moments. This was, this was up there with like, it was like 11 o'clock,
we were watching the game, the only people in a restaurant watching a soccer game and big cat was
really down. Okay. So it's very, it's very complicated because not only did I realize today that I
actually do care about the Swans, but I also have invested some money, a decent amount of money,
and I get blamed for the Swans loss by not only like, it's funny when, when Stooley's blame me
because that's like, haha, we're just joking about me owning a soccer team, but the well, the
whales fans like actually think I own the team and make all the decisions and they won't, they're
coming from my head. Like I'm going to have, there's going to be a big cat out thing going, like
the Arson Wenger thing. Well, I mean, yeah, you could blame it on Oprah, but you could also blame
it on Bradley, right? Because the curse of Bob Bradley. Well, yeah, because he, he managed a team
last year, two games, right? Two games. It was a little bit longer than I think. But he said it back
a long time. Yeah. Like if you get, yeah, if you get an American stink on your EPL team, that's,
you deserve to be relegated. Yeah, it was a tough day. It was a tough game. My other hot seat is
us members of the Blake Porter Hookah Pedia Club, because I don't know if you guys saw this,
but all the Avengers got group tattoos before us. Fuck. Okay. Wait, the comic book people? Yeah.
Wait, the original Avengers. So there's like, now there's like 15, but the first like six that were
in the first movie. Wait, but the real, like the people who played them? The actual Hulk? No,
like the people that played them. Okay. Okay. So a comic book character got a comic book tattooed
on his own arm. Did Robert Downey Jr. do it? Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans, Jim from the town,
Scarlett Johansson. Got it. Okay. What does it say? Chris Hemsworth. It's just like the logo.
You know what? It's exactly what we were going to do. You know what? But now it's here. Stay,
stay woke. I think it's fake. It might be a fake tattoo. Also, not having tattoos has become the
new tattoo. Everybody's got tattoos. It's actually more of a manly thing to be like, you know what?
I'm scared of needles. Yeah. Well, guess what? I mean, they're nerds. We don't read books. So we'll
be fine. And then my cool throne is speaking of the Avengers, Thanos, who, I saw the Avengers,
Thanos is the fucking man. He's a great, he's a great character. Is he? Yeah. Cool. He's a great
guy. Yeah. He's strong. What does he do? He just fucks shit up. He just takes people out.
Is he the guy that's like, I don't feel so good. No, he makes people not feel so good. Oh, okay.
He's the one who I asked you what this meme was, where people were like floating away. He's DJ
Khaled. Yeah. Exactly. I don't feel so good. I don't feel so good. Um, wait, okay. So they put
them in, they put them in Fortnite. So it was like, crossover. Nerd world, right? Yeah. I guess
crossover since there you go. Fortnite should have another two weeks of success. I was gonna say it.
I was, yeah, that's good. Uh-huh. I can't believe my ear popped. Yeah, so good. So fucking weird.
My other cool throne was the Halo theme song. I don't know why, but a lot of videos have been
going viral of people singing, you know, the, the main music from Halo. Yeah. And that's just all.
But Halo hasn't been around forever. No, but I mean, that song is unbelievable. It is. It
recirculating into the mainstream is great. Great to see. Really underrated name for a
video game character's master chief. Doesn't get more alpha than that. That's true. Uh,
PFC, what do you have? My hot seat is Jaywalkers. So I don't know if you guys saw this video,
but there was a groundhog that was crossing a highway and a police officer pulled over,
stopped traffic, tried to shoot the groundhog off the highway. The groundhog wouldn't move,
so the police officer took out his gun and shot it. What? And killed the groundhog on the road.
Who told you to tell that story? Because, I mean, everybody's seen the video already.
How much winner is that mean? I was gonna say, it's like, I don't think we're ever gonna get
the summer now. Fuck. Yeah. Extra, extra judicial killing of summer. Well, that, that's,
I can't, I need to digest this for a second. You should watch the video. Fuck, no. Let that be a
lesson to all you rodents that were thinking about Jaywalking on this because you'll get shot.
Yeah. All the rats listening to this broadcast. My other hot seat is loyalty because John Harbaugh
keeps talking about how much he loves Lamar Jackson, even though he's got a great quarterback
in Joe Flacco. Oh yeah. Real great. Real great. So just because you have five bad years strung
together in a row, I guess doesn't buy any time in this NFL. Like it's, you can be gone in a blank
of an eye or like 40 games. Yes. If you continue to suck for a while. Yeah. So it's sad, also very
sad for Robert Griffin because they haven't really said anything about how he looks. I guess he's,
there aren't enough palm trees in Baltimore for him to hit. Yeah. We need to get some. He's just
throwing balls at light poles. Yeah. At couches from the wire. Hopefully they have a game in Miami
this year. Yeah. My cool throne is pitchers. So there's a record number of no hitters this year.
Do you haven't seen that? There's another one tonight. There was another one tonight
and it's been 40 years since there have been this many no hitters this early in the season.
So it looks like our theory about the ball is being docked. The seams. The stitches. Yeah.
Extra stitches this year. I have a confession. I really can't get excited for no hitter anymore.
It just doesn't do anything for me. Well, yeah, because you can't talk about it. Well, no, it's
just like, it's, it's, it happened, like you said, it happens all the time. I feel like everyone
scrubs that have done it. It's right. Dallas Sprayden. Right. Dallas Sprayden. Yeah. That
tells you everything. If you're on, if that's the first guy on your list, if that's the first
name that you think of when you think of no hitter, that's bad that it's a no hitter. Has
Bartello Cologne ever done it? No. So it can't be that cool. Right. Exactly. My other cool throne
that I've got is Australia. Oh, Australia might. Okay. So Ben Simmons was rocking a chain with a
kangaroo on it. I don't know if you saw that. Hell yeah. The other night after the game. A live
one? Yeah. One that was dead. Oh. Well, I actually know it was, it was an image of a live kangaroo,
but it was like diamonds and stuff. Got it. It could be dead. Who knows. But the, the cool thing
about that is two things. One, it probably has like a little pocket in it that you can keep your
drugs if you have drugs. If you want to put like a little grammar. What do you try to say? I'm just
saying to be, it's a very practical chain. The other reason why it's cool is because if you're
in like a Michael Crabtree situation, nobody's going to try to steal your chain with a kangaroo
on it. True. Yeah. Well, it'd be very easy to track down. Yes, it would. In like a pawn shop.
Yeah. You'd be like, what, is it my kangaroo? Yeah, that's the one kangaroo. Actually,
my, it's not, it's a wallaby. And it's got a gram in it. It's got a gram in it. So,
unless you're confessing to a crime, shoot off. And so the other Australian Nathan Walker
on the Washington capitals became the first Australian to score a point in post-season
NHL history. Wow. So get on you. That is. Circling the puck. That is something. Counter
Everyone. Everyone's talking about that. Yeah. Everyone's talking. So Australia's back.
All right. My hot seat. I have two. The first is us. So we have Sean Payton coming up. The minute
we walked out of the facility with Sean Payton, the news broke that Mark Ingram has a four game
suspension for PED use. That is now like the sixth time that's kind of happened to us. So I wrote
down a few of them. We had actually Monday, Blake Griffin's interview, Stan Van Gundy got fired right
away. We had Alex Smith signed his contract about four hours after we did his interview.
Teddy Bridgewater, when we puked. Everyone puked. Yeah. Everyone puked. John Cena broke up his marriage.
So that's a bad one. What else? We have a couple more, right? We had Canelo and Triple G on.
Favorite guess. Yep. So we, we've got a little bit of bad Josh Allen before the tweets.
Josh Allen before the tweets. That's bad. We're on a bad run right now. Yeah. That's not great.
We're like the, the McBeth Chris for podcast. Chris Long before he did some
Libcuck thing. Yeah. Before he, yeah. Before he became a trader. Yeah. Before he did that
Libcuck thing that he does every other day. Yeah. So that's, we're on the hot seat a little bit.
Just be careful if you come get an interview from us. Well, it actually adds cred to our
bad boy reputation. True. Yeah. Fact. And the other hot seat is Tom Brady for looking like a
plastic, like a bald doll. Like that guy does not look. You don't know fashion. You just don't
know fashion. Okay. His face, first of all, he was wearing makeup. He also had his, it looked
like his fingernails were painted. It's part of the theme. He had, yeah. What is the theme? The
Met Gala makes no sense to me. I'm convinced that they just get out. They go on the red carpet
and then on the other side of the door is just a car to pick them up. That's the exit. Take them home.
Yeah. It's, it's a place to go to be seen. Right. That's what all of this, what goes on? I guess,
I guess a lot of cocaine. That's, I heard a lot of you think. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. You'd have
to address like that. A bunch of rich people. No way, Hank. Get out of here. Hank, do you think
Tom Brady actually looked good? Yeah. He looked so weird. He looked great. You guys just don't
understand fashion. All right. I guess so. He looks very weird. I guess. No, that's a great
point. I definitely don't understand fashion. I don't, but I don't think it was a fashion.
Take away the clothes. His face looked weird. I mean, you're just being a hater now. No,
I think he was like, he's a handsome, handsome man. Listen, a man shows up to the Met Gala wearing a
t-shirt and jeans. That's what a man wears. No. I mean, listen, he obviously, Zell is stunning
and Tom Brady has it all, but I think it's okay to say he looked a little weird. What was the
theme this year? Uh, looked like a weirdo. Bullfighting. Cheating. The church. Yeah.
Getting away with cheating at football and life. It was the church. It was the church. Okay. And
and then my cool throne is orange, the harbor seal. So, uh, the heart, orange, the harbor seal
passed away 35 years old and got dragged on the internet because everyone said orange, the harbor
seal, uh, who was bad at picking Super Bowl games got, uh, it died. I guess he picks up. She picked
Super Bowl games the last like eight years and was two and six, but as, uh, someone who might have
a gambling problem, guess what? Orange, the harbor seal picked the last two Super Bowls right. So,
yeah, it went out on a hot street, went out on a hot street, didn't have to pay its bookie right
before it died. That's awesome. That's pretty fucking good. Do you guys want to hear a fun fact
about animals? Yeah. Are you going to tell me no one got shot? No, but well, you just told me a seal
died, but 35 years old. That's a good run. He didn't cross any streets. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know.
20. Okay. Well, that's a good agent. You know the difference between a seal and a sea line?
No. So fun fact, sea lines have external ears. So they're like the, uh, Andrew Siciliano of aquatic
dogs of sea dogs. Sea dogs. Yeah. Um, all right. Let's get to our interview with Sean Peyton.
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All right, here he is. Head coach of New Orleans, Saints, Sean Payton.
All right, we now welcome on. Very special guest. It is New Orleans Saints head coach,
Sean Payton. I got to start coach with the question I think everyone wants to know is,
have you gotten over the miracle yet? Are you still game planning for the NFC championship game?
I don't know that you ever get over your tough losses. I mean, I can still remember Miami of
Ohio at Central Michigan, a Hail Mary that beat us. I can remember Indiana State. I was a young
assistant on the road at Kansas State. That was when they just changed the two-point play where
we were going for two to win by three. They intercepted the ball and went 109 yards the other
way. So as a coach, those games stick with you and you just hope that you're on the other side of
it more when your career is done. It doesn't seem like the wins you can recall them as easily,
but certainly like their games. Did you answer the question? No.
But are you still game playing? How far in the game plan did you get? Just two days of therapy.
Just pretending. Just identifying weaknesses and that sort of thing. You actually sat down and
put together a game plan. Just watching film. That's kind of sad, but also a very football
guy. There is that point when your season ends in our league. Even when the Super Bowl ends,
there is this immediate like, man, we're off a schedule. We're on to something else and you
get sick. You get a cold. Your sleep patterns are different. Anytime that happens with any
industry or business, ours is that way too. So it takes a while to transition into,
we're now into scouting. You are a football guy through and through. We've kept up with
your antics over the last couple of years. You do a lot of build-parcel stuff with your
motivational techniques. You had the videotapes of the rats eating poison and dying. I tell
them not to eat the poison. You had the gas cans in the locker. Bill, he would drop off the gas
cans with some veteran players about week eight, nine, 10, guys that might be 34 and up and it
would just be an empty gas can. He wouldn't say anything and it was really, do you have enough
gas left in the tank here? He would do these things and I think we're in the business,
we're teachers and we're constantly trying to think of ways to deliver a message that might
be pretty similar and yet in a unique way. That's the enjoyment of what we do.
Do you think that the way that you motivate players and the way you deal with players has
changed over the years as contracts have gone up? Have you had to deal with them differently?
I don't think the contracts have affected at all how we coach. It certainly changes with regards
to how you look at your roster but I think we deal more with the way these younger players learn
and the way they've learned, the advent of so many different technologies that didn't exist
maybe back in 06 even. In 2006 when I got hired, the Blackberry was your main thing.
Yeah, that was it. Everyone had the same. Snake was Nokia. I had the flip. I was still hitting
two, three times to get a C. Yeah, yeah. T9, yes, absolutely. You've actually had some good luck
with some of these young players. I don't know if it's luck or you guys have obviously developed
them pretty well. Last year you had with the two rookies of the year. Now going into this year's
draft, did you have to look yourself in the mirror and be like, hey, I'm getting a lot of rat poison
from the media telling me how great I am at drafting? Did you have to reset yourself and
be like, I think we do collectively as a building. I think a year ago we were selecting 11, 32 and
pretty much in the first half of each round with multiple picks in the first round. A little bit
of firepower there. This year we were more towards the back with multiple picks and a few of the
later rounds without a second round pick. But I think the key for us or we try to look closely
at what are the things that these players that we've hit on have in common, their makeup, their
intelligence, their competitive nature. We're trying to identify some common traits that cross
over position groups. We were discussing, for instance, a player in the third round and we began
talking and talking. Those meetings are long and a lot of film and a lot of coffee and fast food
and we're sitting there and then at one point I'm like, hey, how do we think this guy compares to
Camara? Right away it was like, wow. Let's try to keep our standard. We spent so much time on the
first round where in essence the great drafts in our league history consist of second rounders,
third rounders, fourth rounders. I mean our first draft in 06 had Zach Strieff and Marcus Colston
in the seventh. Not bad. So that attention to some specific traits or what you're wanting,
I think obviously is important. But yeah, we regroup though. We check ourselves.
So speaking of the draft, in 2017, like you were just talking about with the 11th pick,
I heard you say on actually a Dan Patrick show that you guys were ready to take Pat Mahomes.
If Lattimore wasn't there and they hadn't, whoever traded up hadn't traded up.
So it's interesting to me because we see it right now going on in New England with Brady
and Belichick. Do you guys, do you and Drew have a conversation about how many years he can play?
What's the transition look like? Because it's one of those painful realities of NFL life
that your franchise quarterback who's won you a Super Bowl can't play forever.
Yeah. And I would say to answer that, we never have a conversation about when's your final year.
We don't. I think a period of time and trust every third or fourth year when a contract's up
and he'll sit down with Mickey and Tom Condon, they'll work through that.
And so I think it's, look, it's like anything else. At some point, that transition takes place,
but we don't look at it like, well, it's coming. We're in the business of finding quarterbacks.
We're in the business of finding real good tight ends receivers. And so look, we had high grades
a few years back on Garoppolo, but it didn't fall where, you know, exactly where it needed to.
And when it came to last year's draft, you know, there's a cloud of graded players and pretty soon
that cloud is, you know, it's down to two with two picks left. That's good news because Latimore,
we didn't expect to drop to 11. Mahomes certainly would have been a target at 11.
And then when Kansas City went to 10, it pushed it right really in the direction that I don't
know if you saw this, but in this year's draft, Mel Kuiper gave you a bad grade because you traded
up and you didn't take a player that he liked. So how much sleep do you lose knowing that Mel
Kuiper disagreed with you about something? We don't lose any sleep. And listen, I, I,
sure, none. No, no, no, no, I know, I know, I know, I know, we respect Mel and I think Mike and
those guys, they all do a great job. You know, there's, there's always, anytime you trade a
first from next year, it's like, well, you got to go get a franchise quarterback. If you're picking
at 27, and you just do a little simple math and you say, we want to get to 15. And we feel like
next year's one is going to be, let's say between 15 and 27. When you do the points on it, it's,
there's no one says it has to be for a, yeah, it, does that mean I can't go to 15 if I want to?
That's a future Sean problem too. You can be like, we'll deal with that next year.
Who cares? I guarantee that you're not making the playoffs by saying, no, no, no, no, it's 15 to
27 means you are in the postseason. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. So the point I'm making though is,
I'm bad at math. That's all right. That's why, that's why we're sitting here on the, on a podcast.
But no, I mean, you can, if you feel like there's a good player that you, that you want for your team,
as long as you don't overpay for it. And so the, the numbers added up, the numbers worked,
we felt it was very fair. And if we say this every year, three years from now, we'll know
whether it was a good draft or not. How does Marcus Davenport do? You know, we feel like he's
going to be a real good player in our league. It's a future you problem. Yeah. I like that part.
Yeah. That's right. I liked your justification when you're like, well, look at the national debt.
Yeah. Like we, you, you know, you can always bigger problems. You can deal with that later.
I ran the nuclear deal just fell through and it's like, I said, I told big dad,
I would eat horse poop if the Washington capital is one of the Stanley cups. Like
that's a future me problem. We traded into three last year. We didn't even, we had a
pick already. We traded into three with next year's two. It was like, wow, you're giving away
next year's two and it's Alvin Camara. And we have not like heard one peep about that trade.
And so if Marcus Davenport plays like we think we will, like we think he's capable and I am going
to ding you a little bit on Camara because you have a great backfield, but you haven't given
them a cool nickname yet. So the Ingram and Camara, they need to have a nickname. Yeah. I was trying
to get a point. I was trying to get red beans and rice going for a while. They were, they were going
here for a while, you know, with the media here trying to figure that out. And I think whenever
you start trying to think of nicknames, it's, it's, it's not good. I think somehow they just
happen and you don't know who came up with it. And then it's pretty cool. But when you have,
like when you have discussions about nicknames, it's right. It's tough to make it happen
inorganically. But I've been trying to do that. What about Camara Sutra? Because you have to
find a weird position for him. Yeah. To maximize the skill set. Yeah. That's pretty good. That's
pretty good. That's pretty good. You have to admit. That's all right. What's our next topic?
So I'll stay on Camara. Did you guys, when, when you drafted him, was that a conscious move to
be like, Hey, look, we got to change a little bit. Drew's getting a little bit older. So let's
change, you know, you guys obviously went from a pass offense that threw the ball over the yard
to last year running the ball a lot. Yeah. Did that kind of on the fly. It's it shocked people
a little bit. Well, I think, look, the selection of Alvin really was having a chance to see him,
not only at the combine and all those, but also to be there for a private workout and recognize,
you know, he's got a skill set that, that we think is just as valuable as a receiver. Yeah.
What we may be undervalued was his ability as a runner. He split carries at Tennessee.
And so the vision for him was, was a role that we've had for whether it's Reggie Bush or, or
Darren Sprouls. You know, we've had a handful of players kind of fit in that that was easy, that
vision. And we did think highly of him. And that was like a targeted player. When Marcus Williams
went from the bottom of the first round and still available at 211, 211 is where
we saw Camara. That was where we felt like, all right, we're going to be able to get this player.
But Marcus Williams had had dropped in that grade kind of trumped it. We took Marcus
and then really paid attention as that second round, because sometimes you make a pick and you
know, then a player that you might be targeting, you're just not going to end up with. We have
players every year. We really like a lot. And you know, the Ravens just got, you know, a player
we liked or the 49, somebody else, one that got away. Who's like one that you think about all the
time, like, man, we had that guy circle. I'm going to, here's one that got away. It wasn't a draft
pick. The draft ends were on the phone for an hour and a half. And we're talking to free agents
and recruiting them. And we actually get the running back that goes to the Texans. He says he's
in out of Tennessee, drawn a blank poster. Yeah. And so friend of ours. Yeah, Aryan's in. Yeah. And
Aaron, man, we're fired up. You're coming. You know, rookie camps in two weeks, we're all good.
And then, you know, well, there's nothing signed, sealed and delivered. It's not like the draft
after the draft. So there's teams still calling. And, you know, to his credit, he saw a situation
in Houston. And then there was this, Hey, we just lost Aryan. And at the time, you thought, All right,
but there's one that I would say, Holy cow, that ended up being a good one. Yeah. What about
how much money did you pay the team doctors for the dolphins to flunk Drew Brees on his physical?
Well, it wasn't, it wasn't a complete flunk. It was just a softer number. They didn't guarantee
as much money. And look, we had a visit here. It was tough back then because it was post Katrina,
and there was, you know, maybe two hotels open a few restaurants. And
so we were real mindful of the visit. And we were going to have to guarantee a certain number
based on, you know, where we were as a startup really trying to get going. And I think the visit
went well. There was a point in the visit where, you know, I'm driving that drew in Brittany around,
we get lost. And that was a two and a half hour. I mean, you know, a long detour and you get lost.
Yeah, it was like when some time with him seriously with Deandre Jordan. When I say this, no loss,
though, very humbly driving in an area headed towards Baton Rouge and completely
look, there was an oh six, there wasn't like a navigation. Yeah, you know, you had your Thomas
guide. If you, you know, so it's Colin Mickey saying, Hey, we're really somewhere else. But
I felt like when he went to Miami, I thought it was going to be tough for us to get them
because they were more established. And, and obviously, there were things and elements that
we were dealing with it regarding Katrina that were tough. But I remember him calling, you know,
shoot four or five days later saying, Hey, I'm in. Yeah. Week one, 2017, after that game ends,
you need water? No, I'm good. Okay. After that game ends, did you go back and watch it and like,
wow, I was this close to dying because Adrian Peterson was about to kill me on the sideline.
You know what, and he would tell you this, we did not even have a small spat there.
Oh, okay. Sure. Dead serious. I'm telling you, I would because I've had spats with players. I mean,
whether you're in denial of your near death experience, there's we had just given up a play
and he turns to me and said, let's run the ball down there. And I'm like, I hear you.
You can swear it's a podcast. There you go. But there was when I say there was zero
anxiety between the two of us on that play. And he would say the same thing,
because I remember getting on the plane and someone saying, man, did you and Adrian have
something? And I'm like, no, he just handed me a chocolate chip cookie from someone in Minnesota
that had baked baked them these cookies. I said, we're good. It was laced with poison. Yeah,
yeah, he gave you the cheese. But it's one of those where it's like,
you just can't even begin to explain it. Right. It was one of those that was captured,
however perfectly, and yet none of it existed, how you would have thought if you were sitting on
the sidelines, you just said, wow, I could see. But it was more of, let's go this next series.
Yeah, how often does that happen where where things are taken out of context,
you know, sideline conversations and the way people perceive it on TV?
I think not often, because generally, look, you know, the access to the sidelines,
it's because his defense sucks. Well, but you get access now with the booms and where they're at.
There aren't many secrets that way. But that would be very unusual to have happen.
Yeah, it happened when I was in Dallas once with Keeshawn. I was just a,
well, that's Keeshawn. But it wasn't what it looked like.
Oh, okay. So the perception again, yeah. And it was like, no,
that's ordered itself. We were, we were, yeah, we were, we were good.
Keeshawn wasn't yelling for the ball. He didn't write a ball. The whole book saying,
throw me the damn ball. Speaking of Dallas Cowboys receivers,
doing a little hard hitting journalism here, does Bryant just follow you on Twitter?
So is that why you guys have us in this, in this room with no windows because his car's out in the
parking lot? No, listen, I'm a huge Dez fan. I think, you know, over the years we've seen him,
you know, in the NFC, obviously we play them every third, every third year.
Is that how the schedule works? Well, you play your NFC. If you're in the NFC,
I guess there are rotate divisions. That's wild. In the NFC, you're going to be a fourth year.
Yeah. And then you're going to have your own division and then the at-large two.
And the at-large two are based on, you know, finishes. Yeah.
God, I never even like put that together. You just thought it was just thrown on the ground and
people put teams together? It's like, oh, okay. Yeah. That's cool. No, listen, I think, you know,
I think it won't be long here. He's going to sign with a team. Many teams are going to wait
till the draft process is over. These mini camps are over with. And, you know, certainly someone
that I have a high opinion of. I mean, he's competitive, passionate player. Sounds like
you really like him. I do. Sounds like, yeah. I do. There's cars not in the parking lot.
Very interested in some. Oh, he took a helicopter here. He followed me.
Got it. Yeah. Look, he followed you on Twitter. Yeah. Interesting. I like it.
Do you follow him on Twitter? I don't know. Hmm. I don't know.
Should we call him back right now? Right now. Let's get that going. Get some articles written
immediately. Then we'll release this and be like, look, it was just a gag. If I had my phone,
we'd do it right while we were on the air. Oh, come on. I want to jump back real quick to
something else that happened last year because the NFL has done a good job recently, especially
on the offensive side of kind of adopting offenses, you know, from the college game.
One thing that I think you could benefit from a little bit is getting your own hold-back guy
on the sidelines. And me and Big Cat are pretty good at that. We're actually,
we work for Jim Harbaugh, whereas hold-back guy at Michigan. If you need a hold-back guy,
we will offer our service to you reasonably priced. I tell you what, I hope, and that was,
it was one game where it's, you know, I know better. And it was a Thursday night,
short week, little rest, no excuse though, silly and, you know, dumb mistake and, you know,
you go from there. But I think I'll be good. I'm the one always preaching, get back,
you know, to our sidelines. Yeah, but you need someone who watches the watcher.
Because you're focusing on more important things. I like it. I like it. So we're happy to help.
Does that mean like a New York trip each week? Yeah, we'll come down.
When we play in the northeast, you're the northeast hold-back guy. Well, no,
I'm only going to go to St.'s home games. So you guys have to fly me down to New Orleans,
put me up in a hotel, pay for my meals, nights on Bourbon Street, that whole thing,
and I'll just hold you back if I'm not too hungover. We might be hungover. I got you.
Yeah, really hungover. So hungover hold-back. We'll send someone in our place if we're not there.
12 noon game. Yeah, exactly. You guys only do primetime. Yeah, I don't like the central time
starting at noon. You got to give me a, I'll show up halfway through the second quarter.
PM game. And we'll also, we'll throw this in for free. We'll tell you when Adrian Peterson
wants to murder you. All right. And we'll try to hold him back, but we won't be able to.
Prominent players that have followed me, when a guy wants to hurt me and don't go on the field.
Yes, we got you. True. So you've been the coach for the Saints for 12 years,
which is kind of remarkable because you just don't see that a lot in the NFL now. I mean,
there's a few teams who've had coaches for a very long time, but a lot of them, you know,
the regimes change pretty quickly. Do you, how much of that is just kind of focusing on what
you guys have and not listening to the outside media? What would you, I mean, what would you say
the reason was it drew? Is it, what, what is basically the reason for this long success and
being here? I think first off, I think we have great ownership. Mr. B who passed away, Mrs. B
now, their family has been fantastic and extremely supportive of our program.
That they're from and part of the fabric of New Orleans. And so you never take that for
granted. And I think winning obviously has to happen during that timeframe. And, you know,
oh, six, we got off to a pretty good start that first year and got to the NFC Championship Game
of nine course 10, 11, 10 was a playoff team. That was the beast mode Skittles loss up in Seattle.
That was tough. 11 was probably one of our better teams. We beat Detroit, then lost in a real
crazy back and forth game to the 49ers at Candlestick. 13 was coming back off the suspension.
We won on the road at Philly and the Divisional and wildcard and then lost to Seattle.
And then, you know, we went through a thin stretch. I like what you did there.
Didn't say 12. You just said 13 was coming off the suspension. Coming off. That's nice. That was
nice. That's a nice PR. But I think there has to be, there has to be success, though. It can't be
just, well, we like it here. We're coaching here. And, and so it's been a, it's been a great fit.
What would you say to someone who maybe week three this past season said the Saints need to blow
the whole thing up. Sean Payton's got to go. Drew Brees got to go. It doesn't work anymore.
Yeah. I mean, I get it. Yeah. That was actually me because I'm an idiot.
That's all right. That's why we're back on the podcast here again.
I said that on the podcast, right? It was a really stupid thing that you guys rattled off like
seven straight wins. Eight straight wins. It was like, it was like a game against really stupid.
I really know when to pick my spots. It was that game against Washington.
No, it was a game after they lost the first two games. We lost Minnesota. We lost Minnesota.
We lost New England at home. And then we went to London. No, we played short, played Carolina.
Then went to London to play Miami. We got to two and two and we had to buy and then got going.
Our league's funny though. I would say you take any team that's won 11 games. Let's just use that
number and you're going to find a streak of four or a streak of five or a streak. At least
you're going to find a streak of wins. You're not going to see like, oh, we win two, we lose one.
We went to, you're going to see four or five and, and that's when you start playing better
football and that's when you start playing with more confidence. That's when you start playing
the clips of the rats getting trapped in the mousetrap. Well, that's when these things become
newsworthy. Yeah. And you make your old players drink gas. That's true. The gas was for the rats.
Oh yeah, the gas for the rats. I want to jump back to the rats real quick. When you were
watching the video of the rats like getting killed, was there a part of you that was just like,
this is a bit much. Yeah. Well,
there's a little shock and awe there. Yeah. You know, when, when, when the trap and slow motion
just like splits in half. Yeah. But it's rats, rats are gross. You mentioned the competition
committee. So are you guys just trying to ruin Joe Flacco's career by doing all this
pass and reference talk because that's, that's the best play that he has is just throw the ball
up there and let me know. Listen, you watch this guy, you bring up Joe, I think he's a
real good player. Do you think he's elite? Who's elite? I think when you win a Super Bowl at that
position, the way he played early up. One good point. But so Trent Dillford. And
but when, when Joe won, when Joe won, that was kind of a contract big year. And, and look,
it's, it's still the ultimate team game. And you bring up Trent, right? And Trent wins the
Super Bowl. I was there coaching for the Giants when we lost that game. Yep. And I don't, we
didn't score a touchdown on offense. The only touchdown we scored was Ron Dixon
with a kickoff return. Ultimately, your defense has to be playing well and you got to be playing
well as a team. And I think that, you know, a guy like Joe Flacco is you watch the season that he
has. And, you know, every one of us constantly gets challenged and you don't get to this level
without competing. And it's one of the things, you know, when, when someone says that, you know,
they need to blow the whole thing up. Yep, they do. You get your best then. And an NFL expert said
that. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, exactly. Talking about a Super Bowl, you did win. I know you've
probably told the story, but we have to at least ask the question and bring it up on this. How,
how early into the halftime did you know you were going to start with an onside kick in the Super
Bowl you won? Fairly, fairly soon, probably halftime during the Super Bowl is about 30,
35 minutes different than, you know, your 10 minutes that we have now. So you have actually
time to take your shoulder pads off and change T shirts, actually eat. But early on, I think we
decided to, and the mistake really I made was telling Morstead early on, he was a rookie that
year and not telling him like with five minutes before we went out, but telling him with like 20
minutes of, of, you know, teenage wasteland from the who. Yeah. And punters, they're, they're
cases anyway. So he's just going to sit there and talk about it. Yeah. Yeah. That was, that wasn't
real smart, but probably early in the halftime. How nervous were you like going into that moment?
That's like, I mean, that's, that's almost like jumping out of an airplane, kicking an onside
kick to start the second half of the Super Bowl in a close game. The mistake. So when you win the
coin toss at the halftime, the officials will ask you, which way do you want to kick off to start
the second half? And that night there was a slight breeze, probably eight or nine miles an hour left
to right. And most of the points were, in fact, all of the points in the first half were scored in
that direction. I think Indy started with the first two touchdown field goal, we came back field goal
was fairly low scoring. So heading off the field, we said left to right, you know, we're going to
need to do well in this third quarter. And we took the win. Then making that decision collectively,
you know, we decide, Hey, we're going to do, you know, an onside kick at the half coming back
onto the field. I can remember like it was yesterday talking to Solomon Wilcox and looking
out and watching the officials and understanding that this onside kick is going to happen on their
sideline and quickly running out and telling the officials, we want to go right to left.
Because in the event that it becomes like it did a big scrum, it's a lot easier to say white ball
when you're on white sideline. Right, right. I absolutely agree with that. I honestly think
that half the time the refs just go with whoever points first down first. Like if all the players
are start jumping and pointing first down, that was a scrum. Yeah, it lasted a while. And
and it almost was kicked the other direction. But but you could see that on the, oh, the,
the mic'd up copy that, that whole man sequence all time moment. This is the only question I'm
going to ask you about. We'll call it your sabbatical year. Yeah, the year off. Was there a small
part of you that was like, it's pretty cool to get paid and not have to work? No, I didn't get paid.
You didn't get paid. Yeah. No, well, just six million dollars. Oh, okay. So that's okay. Nothing
pretty cool about it. I retract my question here. I'm going to say how was there a small part of you
that fell back in love with football by not getting paid and coaching your son's team?
Yes. Okay. Good question. That was, that was, yeah. Look, it was just to, there's so many
things you miss when you coach and he's in sixth grade. So, you know, he's the head coach and I
are real good friends and I just said, I just want to coach the offense. And and that was that was
outstanding. That was a real good year. And we had a real good team. How did that work with you
kind of delegating to a head coach after, you know, coming over from the NFL and now you're
coaching your son? It was easy. It was, we practiced Tuesdays and Thursdays played on Saturdays and
you know, I think the number one thing as a parent you look at is, you know, let's, let's first come
up with our mission statement. Let's make sure every kid that's out for football in sixth grade
wants to play in seventh grade. Let's make sure they're safe. Let's teach them the fundamentals.
Let's have fun doing it. Let's identify, hey, we're going to play to win these games and yet
we're going to, you know, teach each player two positions and offense and defensive position and
just understand, you know, we're trying to develop a love for it more than because football practice,
you know, when you're young is not really as much fun as basketball or some other sports.
I mean, you're putting pads on and so that was our goal. And we ended up having a pretty good team.
And it's great to see they're all now juniors in high school in my sons of junior. And so watching
them now, the various players that you saw when they were sixth graders, it's kind of cool.
Yeah. Were you able to, you weren't able to have any contact with the team, right?
Yeah, nobody, nobody in the league. How like, how much did you watch? I mean,
you watched every game, obviously, but how like, I mean, did it just kill you watching the games?
Yeah, you just watch quietly, maybe make some notes and, you know, that was a tough year.
We opened the season, I think with Washington, that was our G threes first game had a real good
game. Yeah, I think it's frustrating. I think sometimes you're watching games and then we
started off, I think with two or three, four losses and then got on a little bit of a roll,
but back and forth. You watched the all 22. Now I ended up watching basically the the net.
Yeah, because the all 22 wasn't available at that point. Got it.
And I couldn't get the all 22 from anyone. So it was really the dish.
Interesting. I was actually at that game, the Redskins Saints opener that year.
That was something special watching Robert Griffin come into the league because it seemed like
defenses weren't ready for what they were trying to do that what Kyle Shanahan was trying to do
that offense. Has that been something you've actively kind of like tried to change about
the defensive approaches like watching out for more of these read options, run past options?
Yeah, I think, look, I think each week presents a new set of challenges based on who you're playing.
And I think the college game has certainly created athletes at positions, you know, it's harder to
find the bigger linebacker. It's a game played in more space. And so there are projections made,
you know, on draft weekend or leading up to the draft in regards to where you see the fit,
what you think the vision is. And then when the season starts, you know, take our season,
you know, week one at home versus Tampa coming up, James Winston, we understand their personnel.
They've had some additions the second week. I think it's Cleveland and then and then very quickly.
It's a win. Yeah. So you start looking at the personnel and you start looking at, hey, how do
we have to adjust versus a quarterback that can run versus one that can't. Are you going to fist
fight Dirk Cutter on week one? No, Dirk and I have a good relationship. But you just hate each
other. No, that was it. That was like an Adrian Peterson moment. Yeah. Well, no, you guys were
actually mad. You were actually mad. Well, you just said we were mad. I'm not going to shame you.
I'm not going to shame your madness. No, you were mad. We had that, that, that moment in the Saints
game where Evans, you know, hit Lattimore, but all of it's good. What about Falcons? You guys,
that rivalry feels like it's very real. This division is hard. When you look at
Carolina, two years removed from a Super Bowl Atlanta, from a Super Bowl,
you know, two playoff teams, three playoff teams last year out of the division, Carolina,
New Orleans and Atlanta. This division has been good now for the last four or five years and
you know, it's it's each year. It's been pretty hard fought. What do you think the most famous
part of Eastern Illinois is? Tony Romo, Jimmy Garoppolo, you or the fact that the first Jimmy
Johns was there. So Jimmy John started my freshman year there. So good. Right. That was the first
time that you got some food delivered aside from pizza and they did the menu was the same.
Mike Shanahan was there prior. But in I believe 83, it started in Charleston, Illinois and
the sandwich items are the same. Pretty pretty good stuff. Yeah. So the the year we're too young
to remember the lockout in 87. Did you what was that like, you know, filling in and being
so I'm from Chicago and I pick it line. Well, there was no proverb. I'm from Chicago and I was
just up in the CFL with the Ottawa Rough Riders and gotten released and was back home,
painting condominiums and then then that came and was planning on going to Oakland.
But then Chicago had an opening and it was easier to stay home. None of us knew how long it would
last. And so the first two weeks, we won our first two games and then week three,
we were getting ready to play the Saints at Soldiers Field and the Saints defense came back.
And so here we are in the locker room and, you know, a lot of the guys on that team were all,
it was the first year of arena football. It was the very first year and we were all like arena
football buddies. And I remember, you know, you're eating your sandwich in your locker room and
each week you're waiting like, when is this end? When do we stop getting a paycheck for this?
Right. And, you know, ESPN was like broadcasting that the Saints defense is coming back. Bruce
Clark and all of a sudden you're just like, you know, gulping on your sandwich. We rotated plays
that weekend at quarterback. But anyway, so that was, it was a brief three,
about a month, I would say. Yeah, but it's a cool part of history. Yeah. It's a cool part of, you
know. I was home. How did you play against the Saints? Awful. What was their first team defense?
Awful. That's not fair. Awful. The game ended though. The game ended with an interception I threw
to the cornerback. The cornerback, their right cornerback, that was the last pass
my professional career picked off by the Saints right quarterback. That's the only thing I have
in common with Brett Farve, because the last pass he threw was intercepted by the Saints right
corner. So the Saints killed you, but then you came back to lead them later. That's pretty cool.
Yeah. That was a nice little career arc there. Yeah. I want to get into your head on one particular
draft pick that you made. You opted to select, I believe, Morsted instead of Pat McAfee, our
co-worker. Yeah. Morsted was fifth round. Yeah. And we still do this. Mickey and I will rotate
after each round. You know, we pick a player, I'll go down and see the media come back up.
The next round, Mickey will come down and see the media. And I don't care who it is,
whenever you draft a kicker or punter, it just worked that the numbers were like,
Mickey had to go down. I'm like, you're going down. Yeah. Because regardless of how talented
they are, the fans are waiting for like a defensive end or receiver. And then the Saints
have selected punter, Thomas Moosehead, had an SMU. No, it's Morsted. And you can't appreciate
the importance of that pick until, you know, here we are since O9. He's been our punter, kickoff.
I mean, it was a great pick. Do you think you would have taken Pat McAfee if someone had taken
Morsted? You know, that's a good question. I'd like to go back and look at our grade.
Yeah, you should. I would like to see your end and look at our grade. We'd love to see it.
I will send you our grade on McAfee. Yeah, I want to see what red flags were on it. Because I'm
sure there were one or two. Yeah, for a little immature. We'll cross out his name. Yeah, yeah.
It'll just say fee. Yeah, right. Exactly. And then no one can accuse me of like really,
it'll just say fee. Yeah, right. Would you like to apologize for the Zach Miller non-touchdown?
I'm still looking for an apology from anyone. So you could be the first person to stand up
and say that was a touchdown. It was a touchdown. There we go. It was a touchdown. Thank you. And it
was terrible. The injury had and he spent, you know, a better part of a week here. Yeah.
Almost lost his leg for a non-touchdown. It was crazy. Can we get that? You're part of the competition
community. Can we get that retroactively? You say still win the game, but let's make that a
touchdown. And the bears were covered. Yeah, and the bears were covered. So he has to get his money
back. Yeah, I get my money back too. Can you make that happen? Yeah, kind of like photo. Yeah. Yeah.
Let's do it. Yeah, do it. Just go back and do it. He's a great, listen, a great guy. And I'd never
met him until he was in the hospital and went in and saw him that next week and we were bringing
him some meals. And he was, again, it was, it was real serious with the injury and the non-touchdown.
And the non-touchdown. Yeah. I mean, he caught that ball. Yes, he did. He caught that ball and
he broke his leg and still held onto the ball. He did more than break his leg too. I mean, holy
cow. Tell me. That was really good. All right, so I feel like half way better. Yeah. Yeah,
absolutely. I still needed an apology from what's his name. Who's the head of the referees?
That's for another podcast. Riveron. Yeah, yeah, I'll Riveron. I need an apology from him.
I just have one apology that I need from you and then we'll let you wrap this thing up.
Do you want to apologize to me for how you treated John Coon last year? Just cutting him,
residing him, cutting him, residing him. John's a good friend. So John, listen,
no, I don't want to apologize to you because I think John, we have a great relationship and
shoot. I think he's going to play football here until it ends and then he's going to get into,
I think, scouting or coaching. He's kind of been a fixture here. He's a guy we signed back in West
Virginia right at the beginning of the training camp. So if you had him on your fantasy, then I'm
sorry. Well, I have a, I play in a fantasy league that's only fullbacks. Yeah, I'm sorry.
Sorry for your fullbacks. Thank you for the apology. But now I want to thank you for making
fullbacks a part of your team because it's a dying breed and you're out there on a limb for
fullbacks. So thank you. Yeah, we think it's an important position. Yeah. All right,
C-keek question and then we'll wrap it up. You put in promo code take, you get $10 off your C-keek
purchase. Go to a Saints game next year. How much fun was it to go out on Bourbon Street with Rob
Ryan? I've never been. Come on. Honestly, this is another Adrian Peterson situation. Yeah, listen,
honestly, it's hard to go down. Honestly, when you live here, I could think of maybe two times
where three times where either it's a parade or something. But look, Rob and I lived literally
next door neighbors. Did you ever just walk and be like, Hey, can I check your fridge real quick?
I'm out of groceries. No, no, but we did have this periodically uptown New Orleans, you lose your
power because the power lines and the storms here. And so the condo unit that I'm in has a huge
generator. It's like a tank and they test it every Monday morning and Rob's house is right behind
there. And so when the power would go out, this generator would kick on and Rob would always come
in and be like, God dang generator. And the worst part about it is I know that I don't have power.
And so you don't have power. The stuff in your fridge is going bad. And in the meantime, right
next door, this tank starts going off. That's why I had it so that he can come over and be like,
Hey, all your food is going to go bad. I'll hang on to it for you for a while. Yeah, you come get
it in a couple of days when you get power back. We've had him on the show. Yeah, when I tell you
great guy to work with. And I consider a close friend. Is that it? Yeah. Oh, well, we should.
Should we pitch them a movie? Oh, yeah. Yeah, let's pitch them our movies. Yeah. So your daughter's
dating Adam Sandler's brother-in-law. Yeah, that would be correct. Okay. So we wanted to, I don't
know if you ever talked to Adam Sandler. We wanted to pitch you some movie ideas. All right. Well,
so this is a new one. This is a whole new one. Okay. So this is brand new. We've had a few that
we've thrown around. This one's called All in the Family and it's starring Rob Schneider, Adam Sandler,
Chris Rock, Kevin Farley, and then it's PH family. So it's about a coach, a head coach who gets fired
because his offensive plays stink. And then Seth Rogan and James Franco swoop in and get the coach
to start smoking weed and listening to fish. And then all of a sudden, all his plays start working
again. He gets hired and then a little, another twist, it's like, hey, medicinal marijuana actually
works for creativity as well. It becomes a federal law. Everyone's happier. Boom. What do you think?
So, oh, nice. You like it? Also, Will Ferrell plays the lighter. It's an animated lighter.
Also, the field becomes, they just grow weed on the field instead of grass. The field turns. The whole
world and the whole world just becomes, instead of grass, just weed and then that saves the ozone
layer. Somehow that works. No, then global warming happens, but the sun just burns up all the weed
and everybody gets hired. Isn't this where we fade to a song at the end of this podcast? Yes, it is.
What's the song? What's the song we're hitting? Well, the song is the lead song to the other
movie idea. Now, this is the end of it. This idea is just Water Boy 2. It's not actually a movie.
It's just Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Kevin James, Will Ferrell, Rob Schneider,
and it's not a movie. They just go to Hawaii for like nine months and pretend that they're filming
a movie and Netflix pays for it and all the families go out to party for a while. And then,
yeah, and then at the end, they just submit to Netflix, Water Boy 1, played in reverse.
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Blue Apron, a better way to cook. Alright, let's get to some segments. Thanks to Sean Paton for
joining us. We appreciated that interview. First up, we have embraced the bait. Is Greeny being a
weenie? No. So Greeny went on- That's the easiest debate of all time. The new hit show Get Up,
which actually is doing okay now. And he said that there are two goats, Michael Jordan and
LeBron James. He said he doesn't understand why people need to declare a goat and that why can't
they just both be really damn good. Well, Greeny, it's called sports and we're sports fans. You
of all people should know this as guys and sports fans. You need to have one answer and it always
needs to be right. Yes. Well, Greeny is a sports guy. I don't appreciate you coming at him like
that because he's actually been around sports for longer than you or I have been alive. So he's
a jock by Osmosis. If you hang out with Mike Golik enough, you become a jock. It's just so
classic Greeny to be like, yes, I agree. The MJ vs. LeBron debate is exhausting. You know what he
did? He actually flipped it on its head. This is why Mike Greenberg is the best in the business
at everything that he does. He said, it's not fair that we ask if LeBron James is as good as
Michael Jordan. We should start asking, is Michael Jordan as good as LeBron James?
Little John F. Kennedy there. I had never thought. What do you mean like Jeff?
John F. Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln and Lincoln's secretary is named Jordan.
No, no, no. Ask what you can do for you. Ask not what your country can do for you.
Ask what you can do. Whatever the fuck you're saying was.
JFK was not afraid to take the last shot. Yeah. Or fuck all his secretaries.
Yeah. Yeah. We got the same thing. We got the gist of it.
Yeah, we got the gist of it. So basically Mike Greenberg is traveling backwards
in time. Yeah. Through time comparing old athletes to new ones.
Yeah. Either way, Greeny, like you trying to get in front of the Twitter storm of people
like arguing sports, it's not going to work. People want to argue sports. I'm exhausted
by the debate too, but guess what? I'll still stand here and say MJ's better.
I don't care. Mike Greenberg, if he has to take on the role as like our nation's
assistant principal of sports and just like wrap us on our knuckles whenever we start
to get unruly and arguing with each other, then that's going to be the role that he plays.
As the host of the most successful morning sports show on ESPN in the month of May,
Mike Greenberg, I think, has earned that position. You know he walked into the set that
morning. He's like, I think you guys are going to like my monologue this morning.
I got some hot takes coming. I'm going to tell America to knock it off
or I'm going to turn this car around. All right. The other embraced debate we have is
from JR Smith on Scott Van Pelt's Sports Center. Here's the clip.
How green is your light when you don't miss a shot? Because you didn't miss one tonight.
I'm surprised you only took six. I'm just wondering how green is that light, JR?
All right. I mean, it's very green, but I got to, fortunately, I got a great leader who don't
let me shoot too much and this is really good to have. So it's green right now,
but it's not as green as that green I'm about to hit tomorrow.
So the embraced debate is, was JR Smith talking about playing golf or smoking weed?
And I don't even know if this is a debate. I'm pretty sure he was just talking about smoking.
Yeah, it was definitely all that. Because Scott quickly went to the golf question right after.
You could tell Scott was like, okay, he's talking about smoking weed right now.
Wait, are you saying that when you plan a golf out and you don't say I'm going to hit that green?
I say that all the time. No, I don't think that's ever right.
I'm going to smoke that green up. It could be both in the fact that, like,
I do love to golf and smoke weed at the same time. So yeah, that could be both.
Right. Little Trey Wango actually.
Yeah, right. He knows.
We should actually ask Trey what he thinks as a connoisseur of both.
Well, I technically shoot my, well, no, I hit the ball before I shoot my first shot.
Got hit the ball first. Yeah, calm down.
When you talk about getting excited to play golf tomorrow, you never say I'm excited to go
hit the green. And when you talk about smoking weed tomorrow,
you definitely say I'm ready to hit that green. When Jared Smith says I'm going to drown in that
brown, is he talking about eating ass or drinking Hennessy? Embrace debate.
Yeah. Yeah.
Somebody asked JR that question. So he's definitely talking about smoking weed.
I think most golf courses have a rule where you have to wear a shirt.
So Jared Smith probably was playing golf.
We have a Trouble in Paradise. This is a pre Trouble in Paradise. Matt Harvey got signed by
the Reds. Actually, I think he might have got traded. I don't even know. It was one of those
like bottom line tickers that no one really cared about, but people were going to tweet.
They basically traded him for a bowl of chili.
Yeah. So Matt Harvey in Cincinnati is hilarious for a couple of reasons.
It's Cincinnati. No disrespect to Cincinnati, but the Queen City.
It's not exactly. I don't think the models that are walking around New York City are going to
be walking around Cincinnati. And if they are, they probably have diarrhea from
Skyline. They definitely have diarrhea. Well, spin zone, everybody's really thin in that town.
True. Because they just shit their brains out.
Right. I also have another spin zone for them. You are now on a team with Homer Bailey,
so you're not the worst pitcher. And I think the Reds at any point might bring back Bronson
Royale. So that will be also like a nice, like the Reds are very used to giving up a lot of
home runs. So you're going to be fine. Another spin zone, you're in Cincinnati,
so nobody really cares if you're an asshole all the time.
Right. Right. Marvin Lewis has been able to survive being mediocre for 15 years.
Well, if Matt Harvey can improve to the point of being mediocre, then he's good.
Yeah. Then you're, then you're safe. Yeah. God, he's got to be so pissed off.
Yeah. I want to see a Matt Harvey reality show. You know, like when they did the
Paris Hilton goes to the farm. Yeah.
He's at show called. Yeah. Back in the day. I want to see Matt Harvey moving from New York
to Cincinnati. I mean, hey, Matt, we went to Cincinnati. We enjoyed it, but I don't think
we're also guys who are going to like, you know, the high, high class clubs in New York for
yourself. It's kind of fucked up how PFT enjoyed eating
chicken, but won't eat poop. Yeah, it is. I'm a land of contrast.
All right. We have a Hank hot in the streets. What do you have?
I've been very confused recently because I've seen online that Elon Musk, who's, I guess,
a JV Jeff Bezos, like a Jeff Bezos who's kind of like a little bit undercover about the fact
that he wants to destroy the world. He's Jeff Bezos, but his rockets blow up.
Yeah. Okay. So he's the Kim Jong Un of Jeff Bezos is he's dating somebody.
And I don't know who this person is, but she has one name, one name, and it's Grimes.
Who is she? Part of the thought, Raj. She's not part of that, Raj. She dropped out of
McGill. She was a double major in psychology and philosophy. Okay.
And that's Northwestern's journalism school in Russian and electro acoustics. She's a musician,
apparently. This is, this is actually a very, very important life hack that this person has
stumbled upon. If you just do enough random majors in college, you can drop out and then
seem like a genius being like, well, I was taking all these weird, I was taking Russian engineering
and classic acoustic guitar and also was learning about a Latin mixed with, you know,
like a bunch of languages that aren't even spoken anymore, but they didn't have enough
coursework for me. So I dropped out. Well, here's the deal. Well, the way, the way,
the way that they met each other is honestly a tale as old as time, true love story.
Probably had something to do with the computer. Happened on Twitter and Elon was researching
the idea of joking about Rocco Basilisk. When he saw classic, he saw, hasn't been doing that.
He saw that Grimes had already joked about it. So he reached out to her and Grimes said that
this is the first time in three years that anyone even understood the joke. Okay. Well,
now here's what, that's a funny joke. Here's what actually happened. He saw one of her tweets,
saw her profile and was like, Oh, this chick's cool. She's hot. I'm going to go through a timeline,
find an obscure reference she was making, then DM her saying, Oh, that's so weird. I was about
to make the same joke and you had already made it three years in advance. That's wild. She's British.
He absolutely has a fake British accent. Madonna. That is wild that she had a three year joke,
we're just waiting for someone to laugh about it. But back to your point, I liked how he,
I liked how it said he was researching the idea of joking about it. I got a good one.
Next, Elon Musk is going to date Rick Riley. Pretty good, right?
I want to jump back to your point that you made though about like finding this weird niche for
yourself because it's a really good life hack to have is to just find one subject that absolutely
nobody cares about. Yeah, they can't question you. And then if you just do a minimal amount of
research on it, guess what? You're now the world's expert in that one subject. Right. And if you
ever come across someone who knows more about you, you just have to kill them or just date them.
Yeah, or date them. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Let's finish up guys on chicks, Hank, go for it.
What's up PMT boys, especially PFT, aka poop filled tummy. Oh, that was a great one.
Well, actually that's incorrect because it's not. It's going to be my mouth, not my tummy.
So I didn't read the question after that. I just copied and pasted after that.
So my boyfriend is going to be a groom's man at his friend's wedding and going to his bachelor party
this summer, but they're having a joint bachelor party. Am I the only one that thinks this is
the lamest idea in the world? Yes. No, no, no, no, no, that's right. It is the lamest thing.
That is a major red flag. Well, you know what? That's not a red flag because sometimes there's
relationships where like people know these people where it's like, yeah, they just,
he just likes to be bossed around all the time. And that's just how he's decided to live the rest
of his life. And yeah, he's going to take a bachelor party with a bachelor party. The only way
that's fucking hell. That sounds like hell. The only way this could be cool is if the bachelor
party and the bachelor parties don't know each other. They all fuck. And it's a big mingle. Yeah.
But yeah, I'm getting there. Usually if it's a situation like this, it's like they all are
already in the same friend group. Right. And so it's going to suck. It's just going to be like
a lame house party. But if you guys don't know each other, you get put into a house. Everybody
fucks. That is a recipe for some great wedding day pictures. If you have like, yeah, little dots
of herpes scattered around the official pictures from basically like going on the challenge. Yeah.
Yeah. Hey guys, especially PFT parentheses. Can't wait for the video of you eating horse poof
exclamation point and parentheses. The girls. Sounds like I'm really popular with the ladies.
I'm a single mother and my young son just has me. Congrats on the sex. Wow.
Why he gets boners and what to do with them. I realize Hank will be no help here,
but can you help me explain this to him? Thanks. I like this. We're going to be, we're fathers.
Yeah. We're fathers. So as this kid's father, just cherish every boner that you have. Yeah.
Because one day you're going to miss them. You get to be 33 and they never come. 24 sometimes.
Yeah. So. Happens to all of us. 24 as well. No. Some guys, especially non feces eaters,
big cat and Hank. Yup. I want to know why sometimes when I'm getting my period,
I have horrible cramps that make it feel like I'm getting run over by a tractor trailer,
but some months it's totally manageable. Why are my symptoms different month to month?
It's the moon. So if it's a harvest moon, they call it the blood moon actually. Yeah.
And there's reasons for that because it's, as we learned, there's no gravity. Gravity doesn't
exist. So it's the moon's electromagnetic field that's just like, it's pulling on your muscles,
making you cramp. Yeah. Magnets. That's just the answer to everything you don't know the answer to.
Hey PMT. Also periods are fake and cramps are fake. It's just something that girls
make up to not have sex with me. Am I slowly turning into my mom? Today I looked at my bed
and thought it needed accent pillows. What the fuck? No. Does this happen to us all? Make it stop.
Well, yes. I think it happens to every woman. I don't know if it's you turning into your mom.
I think it's just every woman who gets past the age of 22 decides that every year they're alive,
they need to add one pillow to their bed. And then just eventually they end up with an entire
house of pillows. And you're not allowed to sleep on them. Yeah. None of them makes sense and none
of them really fit with each other. But every, you know, six months, 12 months, a box comes and
it's like, oh, here's a new pillow. Check it out. Do you like this new pillow? Well, I don't know.
It looks like the old pillow, but it's new. Well, it's called nesting. And every woman goes through,
especially when they're pregnant, because it's like your instinct that the baby might fall out
of you at any given second. And so you want to collect pillows everywhere. So just in case it
does, it has a safe landing. So, boys. So many fucking pillows. What is the difference between
getting wet and coming? I need to know for sure, because this may mean I've been lying during sex.
Okay, so you have. You've never come. You've never come. You've never come.
That's the answer. We can go to the next one. No, there is no, the difference is you've never
come and you've never had an orgasm. Yes. So sorry, but you never have. If you have to ask,
you never had one. Also, women don't ever get wet. Yeah. That's just a myth. Yeah. So, yeah.
Well, no. What about the emoji? Oh, like eggplant, emoji, emoji, emoji. Oh, eggplant,
water, water, water, water, water. Yeah. So yeah, they do get wet, but only online on Twitter.
All right. Last one. So, boys. So the guy I'm hooking up with insisted on coming inside me,
so I made him plan B when I went to CVS to buy it. What a gentleman. What a gentleman.
He had no cleanup. Yeah. The guy who was ringing me out offered to open the package for me. And,
of course, I said yes, because they are such a pain in the ass to open. So he grabbed some
scissors and cut it open for me. Is this a weird move by the CVS guy? He's hitting on you. I mean,
he knows you fuck. Yeah, he fucks. That's, this, this is. You know what? That guy, what?
Both guys are fucked up. There's some days you go online and you read about a cop shooting a
groundhog and a seal dying and you lose all faith in humanity. But then you hear about a guy that,
that pays for a girl's plan B for her. Yeah. And then you hear about a gentleman behind the
counter who insists on opening up the package. I think, you know, you've just happened to run
into some really, really nice guys. Yeah. Just another day living, living the dream.
Love you guys. Love you guys. Love you guys. But Hank and I,
I love you guys. Way more. I love you guys so much. No, I don't want to eat poop. And kiss you
at the poop mountain. Nope.