Pardon My Take - NFL Draft, Packers Jordan Love, Mt Flushmore Of Drinks + Dungeons And Dragons

Episode Date: April 24, 2020

The NFL Draft happened and we finally feel normal again. Breaking down the first round, creepy Goodell, sob stories, great picks by a lot of teams, the Raiders being the Raiders and Athlete Couches being awesome (2:47 - 28:10). Packers Quarterback Jordan Love on being drafted in the first round and having his life changed forever (28:10 - 43:39). Fyre Fest of the Week and Mt Flushmore of non alcoholic drinks (43:39 - 71:36). We also welcome on a Dungeon Master who taught us about Dungeons and Dragons and let us play a live action game (71:36 - 104:49).You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take, the NFL Draft, we get real sports to talk about. We're going to break down the entire first round. We have Jordan Love, now Green Bay Packer, on the show. We actually interviewed him at 2 o'clock before he became the starter for the Green Bay Packers, and he got drafted by the Packers late in the first round.

We have him. We also have a bonus, little extra, something different, Dungeons & Dragons. We learned how to play Dungeons & Dragons. It's actually a two-year-old interview, but it's something that a lot of people haven't heard. It's very, very funny. Perfect little Friday, you know, something else, something different. We have a firefest, and then we have the Mount Flushmore of non-alcoholic drinks.

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Okay, let's go. It's part of my take, presented by Barstool Sports. Welcome to part of my take, presented by the Cash App code, download it right now, use code Barstool. You get $10 for free, $10 to the ASPCA. Today is Friday, April 24th. Sports are back. The NFL Draft, boys.

It felt so good to watch something new and feel alive for a minute, and also even like right now, we're in the studio at 12.30. It feels good to be in the studio at 12.30. It does. It reminds us of the days of yore. That was a fun draft. It had a little bit of chaos, a little bit of technical difficulties. It had Jordan Love usurping Aaron Rodgers as the future of the NBA Packers, and we'll

get to that. We'll get to that. But overall, it was a fun night watching as close to sports as we can get right now. Yes, it was, and it did start off very chalk, so we'll kind of go through it, talk about what we liked, what we didn't like. First of all, the setup is very interesting, obviously. Trey Wingo explained it, but it didn't really hit me until we saw all the draft parties with four people at it, and you're like, that kind of sucks.

It was weird there. Yeah, a couple parties had one sad balloon in the corner. Yes. That was weird because you can't go out to a party store. Those are closed. No one's talking about that. The general manager's setups that they had, the coach's setups, some of them were much better than others.

I think Mike Variable clearly won the night. In his room, he had a guy that looked like a mix between all his sons, I think. All his sons. One of his sons looked like a mix between the Waterboy, Adam Sandler, and Joe Dirt. The other was taking a shit, I believe. He was sitting on a bar stool. Intentionally looking like he was taking a shit, in my professional opinion, and then another guy dressed up like Mr. Freeze.

Yes. The only other one that I had that was close to that was... He looked like he was shitting out of his mouth. He was spitting so much. So much dip. It was great. The only other one I had close to that was Mike Zimmer, because Mike Zimmer was looking at a computer as if the computer was trying to rob him.

And he also had a big cast iron logo in front of his fireplace. It said Zimmer Ridge. And Zimmer Ridge sounds fucking sick. What about our boy Cliff? Oh, Cliff. Cliff has got Cliff's applause because he's a party boy. Cliff is Cliff. Glinney Balls on Twitter said it perfectly.

He said it's literally Ryan Gosling's character from Crazy Stupid Love. I was shocked that Zimmer, or that Kingsbury didn't have a peloton in that room. That looked like it was pulled directly from one of their commercials. Cliff Kingsbury has a house that was sold to him by the hottest real estate agent in Arizona. And he like, not even hottest like, I'm not talking even like attractiveness, I'm saying, the guy who everyone or the girls, everyone's like, you got to talk to this person. They brought him there.

He was wowed by the fake grass in the backyard in the fucking fire pit that he probably has never even used because it's the perfect house that's built for a bachelor but is like 10,000 square feet. Built for like a family of nine. Yeah. He definitely went to his realtor. He was like, Hey, I need a house that is going to be the easiest to clean off all the bodily fluids that will be spilled onto the ground.

So I need marble floors and then a zero escaped backyard. So we started the draft. We had obviously our man Joe Burrow go number one, which was great. We all expected it. By the way, did you see last night on Sports Center SVP had a montage? The Bengals. The Bengals have had eight times in the history of the NFL draft. The pick directly after them ending up being a Hall of Famer.

Oh, that's tough. It's insane. That's always, always the brides made never the bride. But Joe Burrow to the Bengals, we all expected it happy for him. I think that was like the no one really thought there was going to be any even, even when they tried to make it a story, like, Oh, the dolphins called about it's like everyone knew the Bengals were going to just not fuck it up. So credit to the Bengals.

Well, that's good for my Washington. Our words too. Pick after him ends up being a Hall of Famer. Chase Young is going to be great. And I do. I do think Chase Young's going to be awesome. It'd be very good. But yeah, Joe Burrow was no brainer pick.

He actually went up on my big board today higher than number one because he had his draft party catered by Buffalo Wildlings, which is the happiest place on Earth. Nice. Oh, there's Zimmer Ridge right now. Zimmer Ridge. Look at it. How many? So he's got Ranch.

He's got four dead animals plastered to his wall. Yeah. And Jerry Jones is on a yacht. Jerry Jones was in a hilarious, like just in way too big white couch, which you just, you know, he sits on that and he probably just sits on it and yells at anyone who ever has brought a drink even close to it. Yeah. Jerry Jones is yacht.

It's like a boat filled with rooms. You remember those rooms that you had at your rich friend's house that you weren't allowed to go into? Right. Usually it was like to the right of the stairway that no one touched. That was pristine. A sitting room. The sitting room.

Jerry Jones just has a full sitting room. You know, he's got a full house of sitting rooms. Full house of sitting rooms. It also. Literally on his yacht. Yeah. For sure. It's nicer than any room in my house.

Anyone's house. All right. So we had Joe Burrow and then it did go chalk to start and I'm happy that Tua went to the dolphins one because something about Tua is going to look awesome in that dolphins colors and they haven't had a quarterback in a long time and except for Jay Cutler and Tua like that. The smoke of Justin Herbert jumping Tua was making me so mad because Tua is so much better than Justin Herbert.

No offense to Justin Herbert. He might end up being good, but Tua is out of control good and the gap between Joe Burrow and Tua is minuscule. The gap between Tua and Justin Herbert is massive. So credit to the dolphins. They made the right choice there. I also loved Roger Goodell just like how long has he had to get this name right three years ever since Tua won the national championship and he ended up with Tua tango lavalui or

something like that. He butchered it big time and then my favorite thing that happened right after Tua got picked was ESPN had set up the QBs falling in the draft montage in case Tua did fall and they're like fuck it. Let's just run it anyway. And they just ran like Johnny Manziel and Aaron Rodgers like what are we doing here? You got to get that green room shot of them just like sitting back with a blue tooth in their ears.

Tua's home that Nick Saban bought is unbelievable. Tua's home looks awesome. He's going to have to take a pay cut going to the NFL. People aren't talking about that. But yeah, his whole family's decked out in traditional Hawaiian gear and you know, I mean Tua's got what like a million family members that go to every single game. You know they're in that house somewhere. Yeah, they have some there.

You know they're like they're outside like right next to a two way or a one way mirror. They're just told hey we can't have you on camera. By the way, Tua's living room coming up on this screen. I want to just mention this right now and I've had this long time thought and I'm just going to say that if you steal it from me, I will kill you. But Hank remember when we talked about this? I want to create a coffee table book of athlete couches and chairs because they're always so, so big and look so, so comfortable because it's large, large men.

It actually first I first thought of it when we went to Spencer Hawes house and he has the largest. Well, he asked me he's like seven. Yeah, I know he has the largest but that's what I'm saying like all these guys have the largest couches in the most luxurious chairs all leather and I think that it would be cool to basically do an entire book about like check out the biggest couches you can find. This is where I want to sit down right now. Yeah, they do strike me as reminiscent of Doc Anil's couch.

You remember that one? Yeah, the fuck couch. Yeah, just a room that's just a fucking. So don't steal that idea. I'm going to do it sometime. Just interview. I want to interview athletes in their home exclusively about their furniture in their living room and anything else.

Anytime you can have a living room where everything in there is woodgrain, that's sweet. Right. It's literally the laziest idea of all time. I want to sit down with an athlete and be like, dude, this couch is awesome. Yeah. I mean to his living room was it was a million percent wood. It was like, build me a house out of a four. It's probably savings like second house.

It's probably his cabin. The lake house that you can look across the lake at and keep an eye on. So Justin Herbert goes to the Chargers and the poor Chargers couldn't even get enough fans for Roger Goodell's awkward little like, hey, fans, get excited before every pick. Let's let's talk about Goodell for a second. Is is he OK? Because no, he was drunk. How is he that bad at talking in his living room when all he had to do was like two lines

every five every 10 minutes? Well, yeah, I mean, he could do two lines of cocaine and be a lot better every five minutes because he was sluggish. He was not pronouncing words correctly. He was turning red in the face. He gave the he gave the Raiders the 2020 draft. Yeah, that's right. He gave the Raiders the 2020 draft instead of 2022.

He changed clothes. He changed outfits to get more comfortable halfway through. He did a TikTok with Jerry Judy, which cemented him as the whitest man in the world. He tried to hug Caesar Ruiz through his television. He was like a dog. That was that was when he took Molly. Yeah. Have you ever left your TV on for your dog and then Stella just starts barking when she

sees a dog on there? Yeah. He saw a big dude and off into liming and getting drafted. And he's like, this is the guy I got to give the bro hug to. So he just he walked directly into the TV. Stella is actually too smart for that. She knows, you know, that's not a real dog. She just barks at all the other real dogs that are everywhere.

Sometimes Leroy thinks my guitar is a dog. He's not smart, but I love him. So all right. So yeah, a Goodell all time just awkward, like I'm trying to I don't know what he like trying to sell you a 401k or like life insurance or something. And you're just like, dude, I don't know. Like you're kind of weird about this. I said he looked like a game show host because he was holding those NFL cards.

Yes. He looked like a game show host where if you lose, you have to buy life insurance. That's way too expensive that you don't need from him. Right. And you walk out of the meeting and you're like, you know, the things he was saying made sense, but something about him really creeps me out. He's just I think Roger Goodell is depressed because in the CBA, they gave they gave up his rights to go collect piss from everybody.

Yes. That's like his his hobby. That's like taking away that one week of fishing that Nick Saban does every year. That's true. That's true. All right. So we have so Justin Herbert went. Then we had a basically kept on going.

Chalk, Mackay Bekton. Shout out Mackay Bekton for being the first draftee to have have some kind of physical performance that has nothing to do with football when he was pushing a truck up a hill. He was pushing a truck that I presume his huge father was driving and his huge father was riding the brakes to as he was pushing it. So I like that pick. He goes to the Jets, right?

He goes to Jets, which Jets good job. Sam Darnold protecting him. If you want to protect Sam Darnold, get him a dental dam, though. Make him stop making out with 22 year olds and Hoboken. This is actually the draft where like I don't really see any moments where I'm like, wow, that was really stupid. Like the Browns, Browns need to protect Baker Mayfield. The Browns got a offensive lineman from Alabama.

You're right. You know what? It was smart how these teams, the Bucks, the Bucks had Tristan Morphs, who jumped out of a pool, which was awesome, a huge dude from Iowa who's going to protect Tom Brady, like all these teams actually kind of made good picks. And then we have the Raiders just saying, fuck it. Let's just be the Raiders and pick the fastest guy in the draft. I think we called that last week.

I think we said Al Davis's Ouija board was going to tell their draft room, their control room, to go ahead and pick rugs. I did like John Gruden set up because he just had dues standing next to him, just lording over him as much as dues can lure it over somebody because he's like five, four, but he looked jacked up. He looked swole. They had the grease board, the white board was right behind Gruden with their big but I don't actually think that was the order of people that they wanted to draft.

I think that's Deuce's white board where he has just like all the people that you could draft next to workouts that he has to do. Like it's a crossfit workout of the day. Yes. He's like, OK, so if we get three wide receivers off the board before 20, we have to do 50 burpees and then 40 hang clings. He we should also mention this is an appropriate time to take more serious tone that every person who has been draft has had a horrific tragedy in their life

that we had to mention immediately after they had the greatest moment of their career. Somewhere along the lines of fun facts that we like turned into tragedies. It was it was weird. It was there was a run there where Trey Wingo was like and this young man. Well, his father, his aunt and his little sister all died. Like what? The flow and they were reaching for some of them, too. It was like like he was named after his dad's friend who had leukemia. Like they didn't have to say that.

Yeah, I think they actually did. They did like set up a thing where they sent out a questionnaire to every first round pick and is like, please put the most tragic thing that's happened to you. Yeah. Well, there's a flow chart. It's like, do you have a family tragedy? No. Can you jump out of a pool? No. Is there a video of you pushing a card? No, you better have told at least your first grade teacher

that you were going to be a professional athlete one day. Right, right. And she and she told you, no. And if none of those things happen, then we'll just move on as quickly as possible. Yeah, it was. It was incredible. I feel like maybe maybe that happens every year, but not. No, because every year is more heavy handed. Well, what I think it is is they had to fill more time because they don't get the instant player interviews as quick.

Like, you know, usually it's interview the guy right after and, you know, you get the scene and all the shots of like fans and stuff. This year, they just had to say, OK, well, how do we fill this time? I don't know. Maybe let's depress the fuck out of everyone. Do you know anyone who's ever died? Yes. Have you killed anyone accidentally? Yeah. Actually, there was somebody who saved someone's life. I think it was it was the linebacker from Kenneth Murray.

Kenneth Murray saved somebody's life when he was 12. And then that person died. Wait, he learned CPR when he was 12 and then he somebody died around him, but then he brought them back. Got it. So essentially he's and then he's Melisandre. And that person then does Game of Thrones. You're so late. It's crazy. I know, I love it. You try. He was like, let's do Mount Flushmore of Game of Thrones.

No, no, no. Oh, I don't say that. All right. Hanks back in. But yeah, then that person who he saved then went on to get hit by a car or like, you know, that he was supposed to be in. Yeah, something like that. Yeah, he know he saved somebody's life, but that person went on to become a serial killer. Yeah, it's it was it was very heavy handed.

So going back going down through with real quick right off the top. Trey Wingo came in hot with some Anchorman references, some wedding crashes references. Oh, and crab cakes and football. Well, how about Trey Wingo's greatest line of the entire night that made me think like, whoa, dude, you do need a bowl right now. When he was talking about Mackay Bechton and going to his tape, Trey Wingo said, if you love seeing someone abuse human beings, you'll love this. Yeah.

Because who doesn't love seeing someone abuse human beings? Yeah, that's it. I mean, it's a great catchphrase for the Cincinnati Bengals. It's like, what are you doing, dude? But all right. So CD Lam to the Cowboys was a notable pick because I feel like he's the best wide receiver in the draft. And now we can now we can have even more of a

the Cowboys are incredible, but they're going to finish eight and eight. And you're going to score a million points. Everyone's going to be like, statistically, the greatest offense in the world. But they somehow only scored 14 points when they played, you know, the name of shitty team, the Redskins, the Redskins. They played. They scored 14 points against the Redskins, and they're going to miss the playoffs. Yeah, it's the Des Bryant model that they've had for a while.

And before that, it was to they've always had like a prime time receiver, a really excellent player that you can't guard using one guy and then they'll end up losing probably in Monday Night Football 30 to 31 against the Giants. But even this, even even CD Lam, it's a good pick by the Cowboys because he shouldn't have been there. Like he's so fucking good. CD Lam is so goddamn good.

This is also the most viral social media pick from the draft because there was a clip of the girl sitting next to him like grabbing his phone under his hand and him snatching it back. And like, yeah, it was great. But now CD, he came out because he saw that that started to go viral. And he was like, it's not what it looks like. You guys need to calm down, which is probably exactly what he told her. It's not what it looks like.

I just see you tweet this. Yeah, you better tweet this. Jack just sent me the number for a bunch of hot chicks in Dallas. No, babe, I was I was just looking up the present. I was going to buy you with my signing bonus. Yeah, you can't look at that. Jack invited me to his party next week, but said no girlfriends allowed. That's all it was just for the guys.

Yes, just for the no girls allowed and less than 10 people there. Yes, exactly. All right. So then going through the rest of the draft, run on wide receivers was good, was interesting. And of course, we got to get to our guy, Jordan Love, who's going to be on in a few minutes, Trouble in Paradise, because that feels like now I know people will say I'm just trolling. But the Packers were in the NFC championship game this year.

You would think that a team that it was that close to the Super Bowl and they did get fucking smoked by the Niners. So you could say they weren't even that close to Super Bowl. But if you wanted to say they were that close to the Super Bowl, you would say they should probably draft a position they can start right away. Well, they absolutely needed a wide receiver. That's what the funniest part about this whole thing was, is the Packers, if you were to list their needs at that point,

it was like, number one, by far, we need a wide receiver. And instead of doing that, they took a quarterback. And traded up for him. A direct shot at Aaron Rodgers. And we're going to get in some headlines with Jordan Love later about how Sportswriters are going to absolutely kill it using his last name. Brotherly Love is the headline in Green Bay tomorrow. Yes. Jordan is the name of Aaron Rodgers' brother.

So that's going to be weird that the closest Jordan in his life is now his backup quarterback. Yes. And knowing the way that he treats brothers too. It's great. I think Aaron Rodgers is going to handle this really well. He's not going to be immature about it. I think he's going to be a total professional. You know what? Aaron Rodgers is about to turn into the next Alex Smith.

He's going to be the best mentor for his backups ever. No, none of this is happening. What's really going to happen as an owner of the Packers, I feel like Aaron Rodgers might demand a trade. I feel like he's the kind of guy that is going to want to get out of town as soon as possible because this is going to be disrespect to him. Either that or he'll tell Danica like give him one of those crystals you got from Chernobyl.

Tell him to put it in your pocket the whole time. He's going to, you know, be funny. This would be the absolute funniest thing ever. If Aaron Rodgers got traded to the Bears at some point, how great would that be? Oh, it'd be so funny. So funny. He was on McAfee earlier in the night and he said whoever,

whoever he takes, he'll track down his number and welcome him to the team tonight. Do you think that happens? Nope. He, oh, sorry, dude. He probably like prank called him a few times. He probably turned into one man jerky boys. What is that text?

Pump for you, man. You're going to love the Packers. I'll let you use my locker when I'm out of here. Yep. Tomorrow. Or just like the, the gym from the office just like welcome. Now, now the problem is, You are my backup.

The problem is, as much as I'm making fun of this, there's obviously a better chance than not that somehow Jordan Love becomes a Hall of Famer and the Packers just have 50 years of Hall of Fame quarterbacks in a row. And he wins a Super Bowl. Exactly one Super Bowl. Fuck. I like that's, it's gonna happen. It would be great.

You know what would be funny though, if Aaron Rodgers reached out to Brett Favre to ask him for his advice on how to handle this situation. This is going to suck so bad because I'm sitting here. We'll send the lady a picture, a tiny dick, and then go to the Jets and Vikings. I'm feeling good because I feel like, look, the Packers, like they didn't,

they, they, they just basically squandered a first round pick when they're in win now mode. So I feel good. But then the sneaking thing in the back of my brain is like, yeah, Jordan Love's going to end up being a great quarterback and this is all going to suck. The thing is, and this is completely based on me watching maybe 10 highlight throws it is, which look great.

He's got, he's got some of the best highlights out there for any college quarterback. I think he, he's going to be good. I think he's going to be really good. One red flag is that he wasn't even the best J Love in his conference. The San Diego State quarterback was named like Justin Love or something. He had better stats. That's a good point. Where'd he get drafted?

He didn't. So you might say that actually he wasn't better than Joe. Well, statistically speaking, he was. So do you hate him already? Yeah, I hate him. All right. Yeah. Unless he's, unless he's, unless he's like Dishon Kaiser, then I love him.

If he's Dishon Kaiser, then he's your best friend, recurring guest. I fucking love that guy. Um, I think even Dishon Kaiser beat the Bears. I fuck. Uh, okay. So what else do we have for the first round? Then, of course, the chiefs who have an unreal team get, uh, an unreal running back and Clyde Edwards for Lair.

And that's going to be, that's just scary when a team that good offensively adds another offensive player. Playoff Clyde is what they called him in college. Yeah. What, what's going to happen to playoff Damian? I think it's playoff Clyde now. If you saw what he did to Clemson. Yeah.

Overall pretty good draft though. I really do think most teams did like what they should do. It didn't feel like a lot of teams reached or screwed up. Of course the Eagles fans are very pissed about their pick. They would be. Yep. Which is, I feel like that's exactly, if Eagles fans aren't pissed about their pick, then, um, it probably actually sucks.

Mm hmm. Right. Like it's the total inverse. Like if they had taken Justin Jefferson and everyone was pumped, they'd be like, well, Justin Jefferson is not going to be a boss. Right. They're still mad about drafting McNabb. Right.

And he was awesome. So, uh, yeah, I think, uh, what happened with the Seahawks? They got the linebacker, right? Pete Carroll did his thing earlier today where he tweeted out some weird obscure movie clip. Oh, no, no. It's 1917. Jordan Brooks from Texas Tech. It was 1917.

Pete Carroll likes to give out these clues before he drafts people. And this year it was 1917. So they're like, okay, it's someone who can run fast because it was a clip of the guy running across the landmines and stuff. Oh. So good job, Pete Carroll. Wow, you got it. Maybe it was a nod to DK Metcalf last year because they didn't make any cuts in that movie.

There it is. Yeah. So, uh, Brandon Ayuk was the, uh, 49ers. 49ers got a wide receiver, which they needed very badly as well. And they also got, like the 49ers, John Lynch is doing some good shit. Fuck, man. Because they, you know, they traded a pick and then they just got a younger defensive alignment. Here's the thing about John Lynch.

He just looks super competent all the time. Yes. He looks like a guy that you would trust with stuff. The square jaw. It's a square jaw. The square jaws can be just trusted a lot more. And he's always like leaning forward. Just the body language makes me believe that whatever he's doing, he's doing for all the

right reasons and that he knows exactly, you know, what he's going to get out of it. It's a very underrated trait to have. Like, you know, if you think like, oh, I want biceps or I want abs. No, if you have a sick jaw, life is just handed to you. And even the way that he's going bald, he's going bald in a way that makes him look more aggressive. Right. Like he's giving himself a sharper point on his hair. Right.

And if you don't have a jaw, well, you got a lot to overcome. Mm hmm. Or grow a beard. We're dealing with the technical difficulties in the room here, much like you saw in ESPN tonight. Hank's mic's not working. He didn't know that we're talking about him. Sorry, Hank. I do want to call out my best friend, Darren Ravel.

By the way. Oh, what a fucking arc. Darren. Okay. You suck, dude. Or earlier today, Darren Ravel actually shot up way, way higher in my own personal evaluation of a human being. Why?

Did he give you $10,000 cash? Basically, he did. He did even better than that. He tweeted out a picture of the football that they're going to use next year. Okay. And it looks fucking awesome. Okay. It looks sweet.

Really, all they did was just change the gold shield on the football to a red, white and blue shield. Okay. But still it looks fucking awesome. So I was happy with Darryl earlier today. Then during the draft, he said the NFL put out strict guidelines to all draftees that they had to only have league sponsored items around them and that there would be punishments if they didn't.

The biggest violator, Sean Payton. He was drinking a crush. Crush is made by Dr. Pepper, competitor of sponsor Pepsi. Coke is a competitor of sponsor Pepsi. There was also Coke on the table. Twizzlers is made by Hershey. Their sponsor is Mars. So Ravel just like took an inventory like he was a back room manager at a Circle K and listed

every single thing that he had on the table. And the crazy thing is I actually believe that Sean Payton knew exactly what the league sponsors were and went out and got all their direct competitors to put them there. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. But Darryl didn't have to say it. What a jerk. What a fucking jerk.

Oh, also shout out Mike McCarthy for placing his phone like directly in front of his face. And that was pretty funny. It was it was what you do with a fat face. Get your phone as close to possible. It was like right in front of his face and often an angle looked like that that Nathan for you picture is like I'm out having a great time with all my friends are right outside the frame. And he's he had that big he had that picture of him just smiling ear to ear. Like he had just won the lottery.

Mike McCarthy always looks like he's having a reaction to shellfish. Yeah. It's like swelling up a little bit. Yes. A little a little like he got stung by maybe like three or four bees. Yeah. In his backyard. Not enough to like, you know, our one Japanese Hornet.

Yes. One Japanese Hornet as we know, very deadly Japanese Hornets. All right. Anything else on the draft? Should we get to Jordan Love? Should we do it? Yeah, we yeah. And then we'll do Firefest and Mount Fleshmore on the other side.

And then we have Dungeons and Dragons little bonus at the end of the show, which is fantastic. Very, very funny. We played Dungeons and Dragons. We learned how to play and then we played. Got contentious. But let's get to Jordan Love before we do that. A quick word from our sponsor at Bose.

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You can get the home speakers. Bose has it all. So thank you to Bose, our fantastic sponsor for the 2020 draft. Use Bose.com slash Barstool or learn more what these headphones can do at Bose.com. B-O-S-E.com slash Barstool. Okay. Here he is. Jordan Love.

Okay. We now welcome on very special guest. It is Utah State Quarterback soon to be drafted. Jordan Love. He's joining us from Verizon because obviously there's no draft parties tonight, but Verizon is keeping you connected, correct? Jordan, are they are they're going to be the first call that you get? Is that how it's going to work?

Yeah. So, you know, they sent me a phone to be able to, you know, help connect myself and my friends and my family, you know, since they can't be here at my party. So I'll definitely be using the phone to be able to call my friends and stuff. So. Nice. So all right.

So we're recording this around two o'clock on draft day. You obviously haven't been drafted yet. I think everyone thinks you're going in the first round. Have you, do you have a team that you really want to go to or a situation that you're feeling good about? We're not going to air this till Friday. So you can let us know secrets and we won't let them out. Man.

I don't, to be honest, like my head has been all over the board. I've heard so many different things, you know, talk to my agent, talk to teams where I have like no insight right now where I'm going to go. I know, I mean, I've talked to, you know, dolphins, chargers, I know those are teams, you know, need quarterbacks and looking for those. But it kind of all depends on who they want to take. You know, we got Tua, Justin, you know, obviously,

probably Joe's going to be with the bangles at the end of the day. And then we just kind of got to figure out where everybody else is going to bounce around to. Do you read the mock drafts? Are you, are you following along like constantly refreshing today to see like what the very last versions have you going to? Man, I get tagged in all types of stuff. So I see them, you know, all over the place, Twitter, Instagram, I see them. But I, I know at the end of the day that stuff is like just people guessing,

trying to figure out where they think it's going to happen. So I don't, I don't let that, you know, That's what's so funny to me is that people are constantly updating, even as we get into the last hours today, like anything is going to change in the process moving forward. But yeah, big catch. Right. It's, it's before the draft. We don't know where you're going to go.

Can you just give a reaction? Like, let's say you got drafted by the chargers, we'll only run this. If you got drafted by the chargers, you just want to say, oh, this is awesome. I'm a charger, not cool. I'll be like, Hey man, charge nation. We here, I'm ready for you. Ready to throw my boy Keenan, get it cracking over there. Okay. What about the Patriots draft you?

You're now the guy who's going to be filling Tom Brady shoots. Man, those are some shoes to fill. I'll be ready for that too. But, you know, I got to let, let Pat Nation know that, you know, I'm coming to, you know, try to fill those shoes the best I can. Okay. What about, what about the Bucks? So the Bucks drafted you to compete against Tom Brady. Hey, the Bucks, hey, I'm here.

I'm ready to compete against a good, you got it down. You're ready to go. I'm ready. How, how weird has it been doing all your pre draft visits on Zoom or Skype or phone call? And what's the weirdest thing that someone's asked you over these? Because, you know, everyone's trying to get to know you a little bit more. Yeah. It's been really weird, you know, just like, you know, me and my mom at house all day, just sitting around doing, you know,

Zoom calls with different teams. Obviously, when we're supposed to be, you know, flying out to different facilities and meet with people, but I mean, it is what it is, you know, it's how it's going right now, just with the world, but it's been pretty unique. And then what would you say the other question? The weirdest thing that's been asked of you? Oh, the weirdest question. I didn't even get asked any weird questions, like the Combine Cerebral, I didn't get asked.

I was waiting for them, but the weirdest question, you know, I was training with some guys. We were down in Santa Ana training, and we were talking about just weird questions that got asked. Someone said they heard, it's almost like they're drawing up a play for a coach, and the coach is like, what would you do if I punch you in the face right now? I'm trying to distract them. I was like, man, I don't even know how to answer that one. Yeah, that's a great question.

Yeah, I like that. We should start out our interviews with that big cat. Like, what would you do if I hit you right now? Yeah. And just see if they don't say I'd punch you back, then they're a beta, you're off my big board right now. You're going up. Yeah.

Have you seen that people are comparing you to Pat Mahomes? That's a pretty good guy to be compared to. I don't know if it's necessarily fair to you, because he's probably the best player in the NFL, but you're getting those comparisons. Oh, yeah. The way I look at it, it's great to see. It is what it is. People are going to say that, say what they want.

They're trying to find all the comparisons out there. I look at it as I'm not Pat Mahomes. I'm Jordan Love. I've never compared myself to him. He's one of the best quarterbacks in the league right now, MVP coming off that. It's fun to watch, but it's cool to see people comparing me to him, but I'm not Pat Mahomes. I just realized the biggest winner of this draft is actually not going to be you or anyone who's getting drafted.

It's going to be the headline writers of the city that you go to, because you can just do love for everything. Good job by you for giving some journalists a little more play and keeping the journalism world afloat by having such an awesome name. Can we quickly, can we see your hands? It's not to be creepy. Who's that? Ten and a quarter?

Mine look bigger. Mine's bigger than all yours. Yeah. Okay. What is it? Ten and five eighths? Ten and, yeah, I think it was ten and five eighths. Ten and a half right around there.

That was some big nets. Did you do any exercises, any like massages to get your hands a little bit bigger before that day? Every day I just sit around trying to stretch my fingers out. It's making it as big as possible. No, just a blunt lesson. Yeah, yeah, did you do, do you had anything like that though, pre-combined to get yourself ready for all the different things you had to go through? Not for like any hand size.

I'll tell you the one thing you know you prepare for is like the vert, you know, trying to get the arm, the arm test, you know, they don't yet can pull in your arm. You're trying to make it as tight as possible. So, you know, you get all the inches right there. Yeah, I like that. So, when you're prepping for the vert, you want to keep your hand as low as it can go. So, if you have like strong back muscles, it's harder to pull it up.

You're trying to lock that shoulder in. Make sure they can't yank it because they're going, hey, they're going to pull your arm trying to yank it. So, you're trying to lock that shoulder in. Yeah, people always think about getting as many inches as you can at the top of your vertical leap. They don't, you got to work smarter, not work harder. Exactly, exactly. What would you say, you know, when you get drafted tonight and the teams,

fans of the team that you get drafted to are looking through your career, getting to know Jordan Love. What would you say was the difference between your sophomore and junior year, because you were out of this world good sophomore year, last year, maybe a little more interceptions. What changed? Yeah, I mean, obviously the one stat that went up was the interception, you know, thrown in 17, compared to six.

But for me, you know, I was trying to make plays, trying to make those big plays like we had the year before. And just trying to force throws that I didn't need to be throwing, you know, trust in my arm a little bit too much, and just trying to force balls that weren't good, weren't good decisions, and bad reads on some of them. Just trust my receivers a little bit too much. Okay, I actually, I did some scouting on you. I've got one red flag.

I don't know if you've been asked about this yet, but we were both told you and I that we couldn't play quarterback or freshman year of high school because we were too small. I listened to my coaches, you didn't. So is that kind of an issue? Like maybe you can't accept feedback. Hey, I think that might be a problem for me. You know, just can't accept it, you know, too hard headed. You grew.

You grew. What are you, 6-4 now? Yeah, 6-4, yeah. Luckily I grew. Tall enough for John Elway. Oh, yeah. If you were to be drafted in a situation where you had to sit for a couple of years, are you going to be pissed?

Like how does that usually go through someone's mind? I'm always curious with that because, in some ways, it's good because you get to learn the ropes. But are you thinking I want to be a starter week one in the 2020 season? I mean, my mindset is I want to be the best player I can be. If sitting behind somebody here and being able to learn that system is going to give me the best opportunity to be, you know, the best player I can be, then that's going to be the best situation for me.

It's kind of, you know, coming into college, I had to do it, you know, sit behind somebody, learn, and you know, I think it helped me a lot. But, you know, if you get thrown in the fire right away, you know, that's what we're here for. That's what I signed up for. And you got to be able to handle that. Just for my own personal reasons here, I'm engaged in some prop bets on draft night. Are you going to have any dogs in the room with you? I am going to have some dogs.

Oh, there you go. How many dogs are we talking about? I hear at least one. There will be four dogs in the household. Four? Oh, okay. All right. You're going to make me some money tonight.

Hey, I love it. Love is in the air. Four dogs. Jordan, have you deleted all your old tweets yet? I haven't. You know, I've gone through and seen if I have some, but I don't think I have any crazy tweets. I'm not much of a tweeter, but I have somebody pulled up. I was at the combine.

They were able to pull like some old tweets just talking about a, they're talking about fantasy football and they pulled up some old ones and I was talking crap. Really? Yeah. So I was like, man, I got to look at those. Okay. Okay. That, I mean, that's going to be the, they always pull up the old tweets on draft.

And I feel like guys have gotten a little bit better with it, but this will suck though, if you have some old tweets show up and then you have this interview. So I guess it's in God's hands now. It is. It is. Yeah. I think it'd be okay. What, what is an Aggie?

The Aggie is a bull. Okay. I guess I always thought that it had something to do with agriculture, but I guess I'm just dumb. I mean, Aggie agriculture is agriculture school, but I'm your bull. It's all kind of in the same family, I guess. Okay. Yeah. Good to know.

I'll have to take mine. Have you, have you had the moment yet today where you're like, I'm about to be really fucking rich? Man, I've, I definitely had the moment just trying to think about it. But I think once it actually happens, it'll kick in a little bit more that, you know, this is actually going on. So yeah. What are you going to buy? Are you going to, are you going to splurge on anything?

You got your eyes on anything? I'm not going to be splurging as much. I know I need a car. So I'll be getting a car, purchasing one of those bad boys, but I'm trying not to splurge. Okay. Yeah. Are you going to get a truck or are we talking like something more sporty? No, probably something more sporty.

I had a truck, you know, in college and whatnot, a little hand me down from my mom. So I've been driving a truck pretty much my whole life since high school. So I'm going to pass on the truck for now. That's got to be just an unbelievable feeling though, waking up and no matter what happens today, you're going to be like, I'm, I'm going to be a millionaire at the end of the day. Like that's a mind fuck. It's crazy. Yeah.

Crazy. Um, what, my last question to you, Jordan, and he's with us with Verizon. Go check it out. Verizon's hooking up all the draft prospects this year because they can't have parties. They can't do the big time draft parties that we usually are accustomed to. When it comes to like being going from under the radar, Utah state to now first round pick, NFL, has it been hard to like adjust to the idea that, oh my God, like I'm going to have this many people watching me, this many people talking about me, or is it something that you've

casually been able to like grow accustomed to? Yeah. I think I definitely just kind of casually grow accustomed to it. You know, obviously, you know, from high school to college, my life changed a lot. Just what, you know, as many people follow me, but you know, Utah state's still in the radar, but it's definitely just been growing, you know, since then, you know, senior bull company, but I know it's going to get a lot, a lot bigger. So, you know, I'm just trying to roll with it.

So. Okay. And my last question just, is there a team, if you had to put your money on, that you think is going to draft you tonight? Who would you bet on? Lose a lot of money because I can't bet on which team would pick me. I'd have to, I couldn't even pick one. I can't even pick one.

Do you want to play? I'm going to try and pick one. Okay. I'll put it this way. Do you want to play somewhere that's like high humidity, hot weather, low humidity, nice weather all the time, somewhere cold? I've been in Utah. You know, I'm kind of done with the cold.

I'm probably going to end up somewhere cold knowing that. But yeah. We'll isolate that sound clip and play it. Yeah. There's more, there's more in the weather, but, you know, we'll see what happens. Oh, I actually did have one last question. It's a guest question from our good friend, Tom Fronelli, who's a college football writer. He wanted to know if the candy that you guys sent out for your Heisman campaign back in like

September, can you still eat that? Because he found it the other day. I heard it's, it's a, it's good forever. It's lifelong candy. Okay. Always be good. But if he gets sick, you know, I didn't say anything. So I did ask him.

I was like, do you have any questions for Jordan Love? And that was his question. He's like, I literally just found this candy like two days ago. Can I eat it? After the season I had it, all the candy were bent. So that's smart. You know, you know exactly how to appeal to sportswriters. Give them an easy headline to write and then fatten them up with sweets.

Yes. All right. Well, Jordan, thank you so much. We really appreciate it. Best of luck and good luck with your new team. And hopefully everything goes well tonight. Yes, sir. I appreciate you guys. That interview with Jordan Love was brought to you by our good, good friends at Roman.

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So go to getroman.com slash take. Okay, let's do some firefest and some Mount Flushmore. So Henry, firefest of the week. Daniel, thank you for that introduction. My firefest this week is. Go on. You don't have one. No, I do.

You're sick of eating meatball subs. I'm not. Your firefest is going to be that you beat me in ping-pong somehow. You're going to turn that in. I honestly wasn't going to mention how I beat you in ping-pong, PFT, and how you did the McGregor walk, and then I beat you three games in a row. I always know I've got to bring that up. Yeah, I wasn't going to bring that up.

I wasn't going to bring that up. My firefest is that we've been in this quarantine for what, four weeks, five weeks? Yeah, something like that. I haven't checked my mailbox since it started and potentially even weeks before that. I realized that today, like my cable, my wife, I wasn't working, and I was like, have I paid the, oh, and then I realized I called. You don't have to pay bills right now. Well, I called and luckily they're like, I was one day away from being like overcharged,

so I was like early on that, but I realized that triggered me into realizing like, I haven't checked my mailbox in five weeks. Yeah, who used the mail? One little light back. And now I just have anxiety about doing it. Yes. I picked up this tip when I went to college for the first time. If you don't take your bill out of the mailbox, you don't have to pay it.

The clock starts from once you read the mail. Sure, it's like being served. Yeah. And then they came to my house and turned my gas off. I also told you guys about this big cap, but I like got summoned. There was some type of jury thing that I might have got summoned to that I might have missed. And it was like literally something I had to resolve like the week before quarantine. And I just, I pushed it off and I, I don't know what to have.

You just didn't go, well, I don't think they're doing trials right now. No, you can't. Crime is legal. You're fine, dude. You're totally fine. Yeah. So not only would they not have you on a jury deciding if someone's guilty or not, because crime is legal.

It's also legal to not go to your jury summons. You're good. What do they do? What if we all just stop going to jury summons is they can't bring in new jurors to try us. Solidarity. They also can't arrest people right now. That's illegal. They're letting all the prisoners out of jail.

If a police officer tries to arrest you, you can arrest him or Big Cat can grab his gun. All facts. All facts. All right, PFC, what's your fire fest? My fire fest is I have to move. Yeah. So that's always a big problem. I've been in my place for three years now.

Got to move. My landlord sold my apartment during this whole coronavirus thing. So I don't know how that happened, but it got sold. I have to move during May. The shitty part is I'm busy. I'm not asking you. Hank, I'm telling you, it's part of your job. Thanks, Big Cat.

I'll help you move too. No problem. Yeah. Actually, let's let's both. I don't need your help. We'll both not agree to help each other. Yeah, right. Good.

I'll buy you pizza too. Perfect. Yeah, we buy each other pizza to not help each other move. Yeah. OK, so the shitty thing is with coronavirus, I can't take a tour of another apartment. Correct. I can't walk into another apartment building.

So it's against the law to do that. So I have to figure this whole thing out online. I found an apartment, signed a lease today. I think it's going to be a good apartment, but I don't know. So like for the next, what, month until May 15th, I'm just kind of have, I have to be thinking, like visualizing this apartment being like, is this going to work?

Is this not going to work? Right. So yeah, that's that's a pretty bad fire. So would you moving? I'm doing a blind date with a house. So I have a similar fire first because I'm also moving, but I so I'm a little different. I was moving right before coronavirus hit.

I looked at a new place once. And of course, you know, whenever you decide to move, you look at the place, then you sign the lease and you're like, let's go look back, get measurements, everything, everything can't do that. So if I don't like my place, I saw it. You at least have an excuse. Yes, that's true.

So I'm kind of fucked if like I walk in because you know, when you walk into an apartment for like to view it, you basically just go through it in like four minutes. And you're like, okay, this is good. And then you know, like, oh, we'll go, we'll come back. Yeah. And I didn't. So I'm also in that zone and not only that,

but I've just like given up with like the pile that I have personally at my house and like next time I'm going to clean my pile is when I'm going to move. So it's yeah, it's definitely gotten a little and also shout out. I feel like we do have a decent amount of parents that listen to this show. I had to deal with the first ever diaper rash with my son and that fucking sucks.

What, you didn't change yourself frequently enough? Yeah, I didn't change myself frequently enough. No, but yeah, I guess the only way to fix a diaper rash is to just not have your baby wear diapers. Just freeball it. Well, freeballing works for us. But when it's a baby, they just piss and shit everywhere. I lived in a litter box all week.

That's fun though. At least it's something to tell your kids about later. Yeah, it's a good time. You can always like hold that over their head. Hey, you remember when you were a year old and you just shat everywhere? Yeah, that was crazy. I cleaned that up.

Yeah. Go take the trash out. Yeah. And then he's going to be like, no, you didn't. You were probably watching the NFL draft. Yeah, no, you didn't. I have this log of you playing on Twitch every night, creating a fat football coach.

He's definitely going to be like, all right, all right, let's pull up this PowerPoint. Coach Doug's ever heard of him? Yeah. Seems like you weren't, dad. We do have a pretty significant list of just like things that you can look up to call us out on our bullshit later on in life.

Yeah. I mean, we did a podcast the day after. You were pissing your pants when you were 33, dad. That's right. So why should I worry about doing what else? Listen, podcast two days after or one day after he was born. It was the NBA draft. Little commenter, don't do drugs.

Yeah. Yeah, don't fuck around with that stuff. By the way, if anybody out there has any experience with this, this is one thing I'm actually concerned about with the new apartment. So Leroy, as we know, is blind. He knows his way around all our apartment because he's able to like smell the different smells.

He knows the layout. He knows where the corners are, all that stuff. He doesn't know the new apartment. I'm concerned he's just going to start walking the walls. And that's going to be very funny at first, but also very sad. Here's what you do, PFT. Think about this. Baby proof it.

Cover the walls in peanut butter. Well, then he'll definitely walk into the wall. Right. But no, he won't walk into them. He'll walk up to them, sniff them and lick them. He'll just be licking. He'll lick the walls. And then he'll know where they are.

What if there's lead paint? No, it's not lead paint. He'll bring his eyesets back. Listen, that's actually what you do. He will figure out exactly where he is. If you just put peanut butter, you don't have to do the whole wall, but just in like key corners and stuff. So he goes and licks it and he's like, oh, here's a wall.

Well, what do dogs hate? Maybe I should just put like cat fur. No, that's mean. Keep him away from the walls. No, let him have some peanut butter. That way he doesn't walk into them. No, just cover your apartment in peanut butter. I'll just hire 40 postmen that get laid off

when the postal service gets bankrupted and just have him stand on my wall so he stays away from them. Spackle your fucking whole wall with peanut butter. OK, I'll have to check my lease and see if I can do that. I think that would work. Um, all right, let's do our Mount Flushmore and then we'll get to Dungeons and Dragons. Mount Flushmore of non-alcoholic drinks.

Are we ready, Hank? Are you ready? You're always ready. Oh, you're going second, right? Yeah. Yeah, you go first. OK, go first. All right, uh, Mount Flushmore non-alcoholic drinks.

My first pick is an easy one. Tomato juice is so gross. And anyone who says that, oh, it's not that bad, they're just lying because they like it with vodka. Good pick. I've noticed that people only drink tomato juice on flights. Well, it's supposed to help, like, like keep your swelling down, I think.

Is that serious? Yes, I swear to God. But it's got all the sodium in the world in it. Maybe it's the opposite. I don't know. Maybe it's supposed to swell you up even more. For whatever reason, people get on an airplane all of a sudden. It's a big tomato factory.

Well, I think that's the only place that you can get it. Why don't people drink tomato juice on planes? Oh, it actually finished this. So it's actually a thing. Oh, it's why the high decibel level in the cabin interferes with how people perceive taste. The pallet registers sweets such as soft drinks less intensely while the taste known as a umami is heightened.

Thirsty passengers may find the urine specifically for something rich in savory and they frequently choose tomato juice. Tomato juice tastes better on an airplane. Wow. That's crazy. We just learned. All right, Hank, you're fresh. Prune juice.

Good pick. I don't think I've ever had prune juice. I don't think I have either, but I know it exists. Or you just think it's something like your grandmother would give you. No, I've had it. It was like in my house when I was growing up. That counts. A couple of times.

I don't really know why. That counts. That counts. I might need some prune juice to make me more regular during the quarantine. Prune juice. My first one, I'm going to go straight for it and say Dasani. Dasani water is trash. Is it?

Awful water. I don't know if I could tell the difference. World's worst water. What's the difference? It just tastes like shit. But is that a real thing or is that an internet thing? No, it's a real thing. I honestly don't know.

It's a real thing. Okay. I took a class in college. I only drink body armor. I took, yeah, me too. Drink body armor. It's the most delicious water. If we do the Mount Rushmore of non-alcoholic drinks,

it'd be body armor, body armor, body armor. They bottle it directly from the family youth. It's wonderful stuff. My second pick is going to be caffeine-free diet coke. Okay. Caffeine-free diet coke. The yellow can, the gold can. It comes in like a gold can.

Gold can. Yeah, bad. Yep. Okay. Hank. Club soda. Good pick. It doesn't taste like anything though.

But it has bubbles. Trash. I don't like it. Nano bubbles. Okay. I feel like it's like a drink that only grandparents drink. All right. I have two picks here.

Or vodka. Or if you put in vodka. I'm going to go with coconut water. Trash. Just a great bad pick. Someone tried to sell us the coconut water fix hangovers. That's a fucking lie. Bad pick.

Coconut water stinks. What about when it's actually from a coconut? That's just like coconut juice. It's coconut water. It's the same thing. Yeah, but I'm talking about coconut water that you buy at a store. You're talking about something that you buy out of a cardboard box. Correct.

Yeah. I don't like to, who got together and decided we're going to put coconut water inside like a Frito Laybox. It doesn't, it just gives you a weird aftertaste to drink regular water. And then this one will probably get contentious because I think it will go right at Hank. Whole milk is disgusting. Drinking whole milk is disgusting. You don't like strong bones?

Strong bones are fine, but actual drinking like a glass of whole milk, gross. It's good cereal. 2% is just enough. I didn't say that. Here's a take. I didn't say cereal. I bet you big cat, if we did a taste test, if we did a taste test. I would be able to tell the difference.

Nope. Absolutely not. All right. We'll do it. We'll do it. We'll do it on Tuesday. I got to agree with big cat on that. It's very easy to tell the difference.

Yes. We'll do it on Tuesday. You get me 1%, 2% in whole milk. I'll tell you the difference. No problem. Serial fine. Drink. Uh-uh.

Mm-hmm. It's just too much. It's a cream. It's gross. Go ahead, Hank. There's no difference. All right. We'll do the taste test.

What are you going to do? You'll get a cat? Nope. What if both me and big cat get it? What do you mean? What if we both get it? Nail it. Will you get a cat?

No, I'll do it. I'm not going to do a cat bed for something like that. Maybe something like a cat bed for me and ping pong. But we can figure that out. Oh, if I beat you in ping pong, you'll get a cat. This is easy. Maybe. Maybe.

No, say it. I know. I mean, you have to. There has to be something on your end. There has to be something on your end. I'm not just going to risk that without getting something on the backside. If you, if I don't, I'll stop asking you to get a cat.

They played a seven game series this today. And PFT was up 20 to 16 in the sixth game. My paddle broke. He was also up 2-1 in the series. I was sweating. Cream soda. Cream soda is great. Good pick.

Fuck you guys. Cream soda is awesome. Good pick. Thank you. Thank you. I thought that was going to be, I thought that was going to be. Just go get a root beer.

Pandor Paul and Pandor Jane getting up. No, it's a completely different drink from root beer. It's the same because they're cousins. It's not. They're cousins. Just because you're always next to each other. No, they're always next to each other. In the fucking version.

No matter of times that I have bought a cream soda being like, I think there's a root beer. And then you get home and you're like, fuck you. You can't read. You say, you say. Cream soda and root beer and not cousins is crazy. You're just, no, it's the marketing that has made you believe they taste nothing alike.

No, they're cousins. I love cream soda. I'm not ashamed to admit it. Ugh. Good pick, Hank. Thank you. I had it on my list. All right.

My last two, I'm going, you know what? Listerquil. Listerquil sucks. It's a stupid drink. Okay. It's actually medication. Yeah, that actually is wrong. All right.

So I'll do my other two, which are going to be real ones. Buttermilk. So you're just going one. What is that? No, buttermilk is way different than whole milk. Yeah, but no one drinks it. What is buttermilk? Yeah, old people drink it.

Okay. I don't know what that is. All right. It's the milk that comes with the yellow top to it. All right, we'll get that with the taste test, too. Yeah, that'll be really easy to figure out. It tastes like sour jizz. Slowly pours out of the bottle.

All right, your fourth. Unsweetened iced tea. Oh, I like unsweetened iced tea. No, give me sweet tea all day. No, I like a green tea. Yeah, green tea with some sugar in it. No, I like it raw. But I like a raw dog green tea.

I'm not talking about green tea. I'm talking about iced tea. Is that not? Yeah, the brown tea. The brown stuff. But iced green tea is? That's iced green tea. So just iced tea?

I think I like that. Is Snapple sweetened or unsweetened? Snapple comes in a variety of flavors. Yeah. Regular Snapple. But they have unsweetened? They have unsweetened. The standard Snapple is sweetened.

I don't mind. I don't mind. I like a little taste. It's kind of like drinking coffee. I like it. All right, Hank, your fourth pick. Just anything with zero. Any soda that has a zero is just not a real soda.

You try and get it as an option. Oh, yeah, that's a good call. Mountain Dew Zero, Sprite Zero, Code Zero, Trash. I like Cherry Coke Zero. Trash. Um, OK. That was going to be my last pick. Oh, really?

Yes. Fuck that place. Fuck that commercial. Do they sell you a drink? I don't know. Orange Vanilla Coke. I will forever hate you. Hate you.

I tried it once, too. Not good. Not good. Regular Coke? Great. I'd like. Orange Vanilla Coke? Uh-uh.

I'd like to do a study on the ad campaigns that take over during a certain time of year, whether it's whatever the big ad campaign is during baseball playoffs or during March Madness, and see what percentage of those products actually succeed. Because I would think that it'd be very, very low percent. Yes, I agree.

Did you guys have any that didn't get there? I, oh, duals is like, why would you drink oh, duals? But then it's also like, if you have an alcohol problem, I guess. But it's also like, why would you drink it? It's just, you want to hold something that looks like a beer. Yeah, that's true. It could be empty.

I threw that on the list, but it wasn't on my, didn't make my mouth flush more. And then. Dip spit. If you know, you know. Dip spit. Yep. Strawberry milk.

Do you guys? Ooh. Yeah, that probably, I don't mind it, but it's not like, if you go past chocolate milk to strawberry, you're psycho. Right. It's something that's good in theory, but. Well, it's also just something that like, the thing next to it is 10 times better,

10 million times better in chocolate milk. Do you guys, um, trustry? Yeah. What was the drink I called Purell? It was what I called Purell. No, you should not drink that, Hank. I drank some of that. No, it was water, flavored water.

It was flavored water. I forget. Uh, do you guys like Dr. Pepper? Yes, I love Dr. Pepper. I love Dr. Pepper. Okay. All right. I never got into it.

It didn't make my list, but I never got into it. I don't mind you going out on a limb with that take though. No, I don't. I just never, I never, it was never, I'm a, I love Cherry Coke. I love, uh, what's the other like adjacent to Dr. Pepper? Is there another one? Mr. Pib. No, not that.

I just never liked Dr. Pepper. I don't know what it is. You know what I think it is? Is this cinnamon in it? No. You know what I think it is? What's in it? There's, there's something that very particular about Dr. Pepper

that is more pronounced than other sodas. If you get a bad mix of a Dr. Pepper at a McDonald's or at a Taco Bell or wherever, it tastes awful. If you get a good mix, there's nothing better than it. Aaron Ravel, Henry Lockwood, uh, fun fact of the day. I was, Dr. Pepper wasn't even on my radar until they started doing the rebranded 23 flavors thing.

Yeah. Like whatever it was, probably 10, 15 years ago at this point. And then I was like, Oh, I got to try this huge Dr. Pepper thing. You remember Dr. Pepper 10, their whole ad campaign was it's not for women? Yeah. That didn't really work. Who could have seen that?

How about, how about orange juice, extra pulp? Oh yeah, pulp. Get out of, get out of my face. I could take a light pulp just so that you know you're drinking real oranges, but extra pulp is fucking disgusting. I don't want to drink fuzz. It's, it's gross.

I would say going back to Dr. Pepper, that's definitely on the Mount Rushmore of items that dads will write letters about being like, I think they changed the flavor in this. It tastes different than I'm used to. I also think Dr. Pepper is like the most either you love it or hate it drink. Yeah.

You know what I mean? There's not a lot of people who are like, Eh, I don't know about Dr. Pepper. I don't like it. I think you're the, you're the only person that I've ever met that doesn't like Dr. Pepper. Really? Yeah.

I know people who don't like Dr. Pepper. I used to not, I used to be a vocal, you know. Should I try it again? Yeah. Yeah. I'm trying to get you back into it. What about tonic water? I should have said tonic water.

I hate tonic water. Yeah. So isn't that club soda? No, no, big difference. It tastes like nothing. Just bubbles. Tonic water might have been what you're thinking of. That sweetness, right?

No, it's like, it's like bitterness. Oh, okay. I don't know what tonic is then. Tonic is just trash. And when it's mixed with gin, that's my least favorite type of alcohol. So it's like shit on shit. Right.

Right. All right. I think we had a good list. Anything else you guys had? Bubba, you got anything? Bubba, you don't like anything? You love everything, right? Especially body armor.

Shout out body armor. I've been chugging body armor. Me too. That's the official sponsor of Buns of Anarchy. I'm not going to say it. Big ride tomorrow against the golf nerds. There you go. I'm not going to...

What are you going to say about Brooks's haircut? Oh, yeah. He looks like a fucking cop. He looks like a Florida policeman. I'm not going to say it's something else. Highway patrolman. I was going to say he looks like a combination of every host of Come Town.

If you just blend them all together. Yeah, push them all together. No, he looks like, with the mustache, he looks like a, he looks like a crooked cop. Cop that will just take the cocaine right off of you. The Florida cop, yeah. Send you on your way. Yeah, the, so yeah, body armor, what I was going to say

is I'm not a scientist, but we don't have coronavirus when we've been chugging body armor. I'm getting tested for the antibodies. So I'll let you know this weekend. Where? And if I got, if I got the antibodies in my system, can I bring a bottle of your blood? Yeah, can we give you some blood?

Yeah, just cut yourselves real quick before I get here. How are you getting tested? I got to connect. Oh, wow. PFT is rich and famous. He's doing it while other people can. No, there's a website you can go on to. Damn, that's fucking, you know,

Rudy Gobert and the jazz all got tests. Well, I'm a professional athlete as well. What? In front of the line. If you had it, I'm hoping you had it because that means we probably had it. So I think I had it right when we got back from the Super Bowl.

And there was like a lot of time together. There was a week and a half when I was like- You played ping pong, just sharing that ball. I was mixing Nyquil with C4. I was like, I was dousing my body Nyquil every day. I actually went to the doctors, which I never do because I was coughing so much. So I think I might have had it.

Do you think you find out? If I had it, you guys definitely were exposed to it. And just didn't have, we were asymptomatic, which means we're big ballers. Big ballers. And then we can give our preserved blood. The biggest ballers. Dude, if you're asymptomatic, you are a certified big baller.

We should also get in real quick to what happened with Tom Brady this morning. Oh, yeah. So Tom Brady wandered into a neighbor's house. Oh, I thought you were going to talk about my Twitter. No. Twitter power. No.

He was trying to, what do you mean, Hank? You guys go. I'll go second. Okay. No, no, no. Hold on, PFT. Go ahead. What'd you do, Hank?

So I'm sure you guys follow Tom Brady on Twitter. I do not. I mean, yeah, I don't know what to say. You were about to say his Twitter game sucks. No, I was going to say you're missing out. I'm going to say you're missing out. I don't know what you're missing out because it's going to be all pro bucks.

So it's at Tom Brady, but it's like, you know, you can have your name. So it's like your app, Arsenal, Big Cat, but your name just shows up as Big Cat. Right. His name showed up as at Tom Brady. And then underneath it was at Tom Brady. So he just had an unnecessary at.

So I quoted one of his tweets and said, can someone tell Tom he doesn't have to have the at in front of his name? 20 minutes later, it was gone. Wow. Good job, Hank. So why didn't you do that like two months ago and say, can someone tell Tom Brady

I wanted him to stay with the Patriots? I, you know, I wish I did in hindsight. That was going to be my fire fest is like, I just didn't want to sound, you know, make it all about me. But wait, he changed his Twitter to that because it wasn't always like that in his display name. Right.

But I just. But you, you shamed him back. I didn't shame him. I just saw it. I was like, can someone tell him that, you know, it doesn't have to be this way. Apparently someone did. Perfect.

You did. Perfect. Good job. All without a blue check mark. You did that. But, but the real big news of. I don't have a blue check mark on this podcast. Tom Brady wandered into the wrong house.

He pulled a, I'm here for the gang bang, knocked on a door, walked into the kitchen, dropped his duffel bags. He thought he was at Byron Leftwich's house. We're still a special. Hey. Hey, the key card works. Hey.

All those different apartments looked exactly the same. The key worked. So he walks in. What do you want him to do? He walks in, drops his duffel bags, and he's like, oh shit, I'm in the wrong house. I actually do believe he was probably there to fuck that guy's wife.

And then the guy was, he happened to be home. I did love the guy being like, wasn't it the offensive coordinator? No, his next door to Byron Leftwich. But I did love the guy being like, I actually had no problem with it. Tom Brady, like that was cool. Like, you know shit, dude.

Yeah. When the six times Super Bowl champion walks in your house, it's a little different than some rando walking in your house. Yeah. But although in Florida, they do have the right to shoot you dead on the spot. Could you imagine if that's the way he went out? What, do you think Belichick gave him the wrong address?

Like hacked into his phone. He was like, hey, this is where you should go. Maybe. Damn. Damn. Tom Brady's, is he getting too old? But our good friend Mike. You keep looking at me like this.

I want to see if we get Hank to switch that quickly. No, I'm never going to switch. I've thought about it more since the other day. And honestly, I was thinking about it like Rob Gronkowski and Tom Brady brought me so much joy over the years. Watching them play brings me so much joy. I can't turn it off. I'm going to be rooting for the Bucks

when they make good plays. It's going to make me happy inside. I can't just sit here and be like, I can't. I can't. So Hank, in a survey of 20,000 people, 61% said that Brady and Gronk would go into the Hall of Fame as Bucks if they won a Super Bowl. What?

What do you think about that? That was the poll you did? Yeah. Wow. 61%. That's crazy, isn't it? Is this like on the Chey Hive Twitter? No.

No, this was 20,000 people replied to this. That's a lot of people. Where is it? What? I know there's a punchline coming. No, there's not. I know there's a punchline coming. 61% of who?

Where was the poll put up? On my Twitter handle. Oh. How did you preface it? That's my favorite thing that Clay Travis does, by the way. He's like, do you think that they should play SEC football tomorrow? Yeah.

Well, 95% of America says yes. The best was Cousin Sal when Clay said, if Bernie Sanders wins the DNC, would you vote for Trump or Bernie Sanders? And his Twitter poll had 96% Trump. And then Clay and Cousin Sal was like, you think you know a guy? Ravel does it too.

We're all just like, yo, you know your followers are totally different. Yes. Yeah, it was not an accurate circle size. Yet the poll does exist. I just did a poll. Like, what's your favorite NFL team? And the Bears won.

It's like, wow, they're the most popular team in the NFL. That's incredible. That's nuts. But shout out to our guy, Mike Florio, because he is all over these rules violations recently. He pointed out. He's the COVID police. No, well, no, this isn't about COVID.

He pointed out that players cannot meet with coaches at any time prior to the start of the off-season program. So Tom Brady admits he was going to go meet with Byron Leftwich. I love it too, because Florio, this is Florio's personality, and we love him because he knows the rules. And he follows the rules. He's a lawyer.

He never has lost a case he won. Like, that's all he does. The source said it was totally illegal. They should be fined. Plus, I bet those duffel bags had footballs in them. So he was going to go practice throwing with his quarterback coach against the rules. So Tom Brady, he gets out of the Patriot way.

All of a sudden, he starts messing around, doing illegal football activities. I think it's also like, because people will probably say, this is hypocritical, because Ravel is just a narc. Florio, I think the interesting part with Florio is he just knows all the rules for the NFL. That's the fascinating part. He knows rules that no one knows.

Well, also, the NFL is built. Yeah, they just know all the rules. It's like, when he says that, I'm like, wow, that's crazy, that that's a rule. The NFL is built around having a very, very, very rigid rule structure in place. Like, Roger Goodell thinks he's a police officer. He thinks that it's black and white about everything.

So therefore, it's OK for Florio to be like, hey, this is your rule book, that you claim that you enforce. Right, right. Why aren't you following it right now? So I guess Tom Brady, he needs Bill Belichick to keep him on the straight and narrow, because it looks like he's going down a bad path. Habitual line stepper.

Uh-huh, bad path. Even with that being said, the thought of Tom Brady and Byron Lefford just throwing bombs at each other in the backyard is a pleasurable thing to think about. That is pretty cool. I bet you Byron Lefford can throw a ball farther than Tom Brady right now.

Yeah. He's another one of those guys. That's what I'm saying. Like, they can just get out there and just throw cannons to each other. Lefford could be 70 years old and having his old offense alignment and carrying him around on one leg. Right, and still throw 85 yards.

A bomb. A bomb. All right, let's get to it. Really awesome interview. Very different with a Dungeons and Dragons. What was he called? A master? Dungeon Master.

They're called Dungeon Masters, DMs. Taught us how to play, answered all of our questions, and then we played. Before we get into Dungeons and Dragons, I want to shout out our great friends over at Stitch Fix. I love it. Every single month, you get this box. It comes to you.

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Get started today at stitchfix.com slash PMT. You're gonna get 25% off when you keep everything in your fix. That's stitchfix.com slash PMT and get 25% off when you keep everything in your fix. That address one more time, stitchfix.com slash PMT. And now Dungeons and Dragons. And now for something completely different. Okay, we now welcome on Tim Woods.

He is a professional game master. So we want to learn about Dungeons and Dragons and gaming of this sort in general. And we figured this would be perfect because you know it back and forth. So we're gonna probably play a game, but let's start with some basics. Just the very first basic,

how do you become a professional game master? Well, I will say this, that there are many, many game masters out there. Me becoming a professional and doing this as my full-time job is definitely the exception, rather than the rule. This is your full-time job. This is my full-time job now, I'm happy to say.

This is, I'm very lucky and very fortunate to have that. A lot of the work I do is worth with younger kids. So I run after school programs, but about 50% of my games are with adults or kind of a mix. It'll be like families, like a mom and dad playing with their kids or something like that. Okay, okay.

And my specialty is bringing the game of D&D to new players. That's what I do. That's perfect, that's us. People who are new to the game, interested and excited, but no familiarity necessarily with the game. That's kind of my clientele right there. Yeah, so you did kind of hit the jackpot.

I mean, like growing up, if you could be told, like, if you were to speak to yourself when you were 11, 12 years old, however young you were when you first picked up the game, like, this is going to be your job. How excited would you be? I would have probably had a meltdown that would have killed me

if you had told me that information at that point. I could not have physically handled that information at that point. It would have been too overwhelmed. But I'll say this, that like going into education and learning how to first be a teacher was kind of what opened my eyes to the idea that teaching and dungeon mastering are very, very similar.

I like to think that I take a game that is very often viewed as intimidating and make it very welcoming to people. And people who love this game aren't necessarily the best at making it feel welcoming. It's so complex that it can in fact feel overwhelming when you talk to a big hardcore fan of it. And when you hear the stories, they don't always make sense.

It's like, how does this story take place in this game? Whereas I'm all about, let's take 10 steps back and start from scratch and we're going to learn the game as we play and just move through things in the simplest way. Are you at a place where you can laugh at the haters? Yeah, 100% totally. Okay, because I go to imagine

if Dungeon and the Dragon has been your hobby your whole life, I'm just going to take a guess that like you might have been bullied for it a little. But now you're at a point you're like, hey, look, you're working in an accounting job. I'm laughing all the way to the bank at that point. That's awesome. I mean, I'm truly passionate about this one little niche of gaming

that I think should be much bigger, which is tabletop role-playing games, D&D, and all the other games like it. And I know that I'm weirdly specialized and that will make me alienating to some people but to other people who want to know about this game. I'm like, hopefully bringing it in a positive fun way. How short can a game be?

Like attention spans, not our strong suit. I mean, I'll say this. Generally, I run three-hour games. That's the average. Oh, fuck. Generally. It's like baseball. Yeah, once you go under two hours, you can start a game,

but you can't really get to a cool wrap-up conclusion in an hour or two. Got it. I mean, you can get a good idea of what the game's about and stuff, but it's not quite the feel of a real good session. We could always do like a cliffhanger. That's true, too.

Yeah, we have to come back. Should we try to get into one? Let's see if we can. I feel like we should, yeah. Yeah, maybe. I don't even know where to start. So you're going to have to help us with that. Absolutely.

Like just the basic where to start. In theory, the kind of default adventure that I always start people off with. Wait, so there's no board? It's just a bunch of dice? I mean, we can do this with a board. Whatever you think. Also, what should we wear here?

We can do this without any of the stuff that I would normally need. The only thing that you really need is a dice. A d20 is the only thing that you need. So I was just handed a d20, so there's 20 numbers on it. And also brought all these costumes here. I want to make sure that we put them on as a probes. Should we get dressed up now?

You absolutely could, if you want. Totally. OK. I do run birthday parties where people wear costumes and stuff. All right. PFT will get dressed up, and I'll keep talking, then I'll get dressed up, and he can keep talking. Do you don't take the wrong way?

Do you own a cat? I don't own a cat. No, I don't own any pet. OK. All right. Do you say most people in the D&D own cats or dogs? Honestly, there's obviously a lot of nerdy things going on with D&D players.

I'm trying to think if I've heard a popular pet, but I feel like I've seen mostly good mix of dogs and cats. There we go. Perfect. What's the biggest controversy facing D&D world? Here's the thing. Popular controversy all the time is what edition are we playing, and currently the edition is fifth edition.

What will happen is eventually there will be a new edition, sixth edition will come out, and everybody will probably fucking hate it at first. Everyone will be really mad about it. That's like when they do an update on Twitter. When you do any kind of update, everybody flips out, absolutely. So you have the people who like the old ways better, and so right now fifth edition is very popular

because it's very streamlined and very easy for new players to pick up. That is what I love about fifth edition. But older editions have other things going for them, and so there are other games that use older kind of rule sets from D&D originally, like Pathfinder is a game that uses, I would argue, a much more complex rule set that allows for maybe more things to be done, but otherwise has a lot of complexity

that maybe isn't as appealing to a certain demographic player. That's maybe the most relatable... Don't hog it all, P.F.T. That's the most relatable thing that you said is basically everyone gets mad whenever there's a new game. And it's not like, oh, I prefer this and you prefer that. It's you like the bad one, and you don't even know why your version is so much worse than mine.

And unfortunately that's where people stop listening and start just arguing why the other side likes worse games or more limiting games, let's say. Got it. Can you tell me a little bit about the history of D&D? Like how it was invented? Absolutely. Actually, so my dissertation that I wrote to get my PhD was on...

Wait, wait, wait. You're a doctorate in D&D? I have a doctorate in... Fuck yes. You literally lived the dream. Basically, my specialization was in taking D&D into the classroom, what can people learn from it? What happens when you bring tabletop games or ideologies from them,

pedagogical styles from them into the classroom? What does that look like? How can people benefit? And in order to study that, I absolutely had to look into the history of D&D. And what I found fascinating was D&D came out of war gaming, but how war gaming was people simulating battlefield situations and recreating civil war battles and stuff,

but how war gaming emerged very much from people in the military trying to teach each other. And one of the first war games, Kriegspiel, was written out as a set of rules that looked like a game, but certainly aren't a game because we're doing very serious things here. It's what the title boiled down to. And this denial... Kriegspiel, is that German?

That is German. So it's like war game. It was the original simulation of the battlefield on a board. And it was simply Gary Gygax and the original creators of D&D sitting down and saying, what if instead of an army, we just have one person we control? What if I control one dude and you control another dude and my dude can cast spells but your dude has armor

and all of a sudden that's when it stopped being about armies and started. But it was always about taking something like a battle or some idea and then using the game to teach in some way. And so I always argue it's educational first and foremost and only later did we start making these into forms of entertainment kind of secondarily. So when someone plays, do they need a master with them to complete a game? They do need a game master and most game masters work with their friends for free.

Now most game masters are not paid, but very often it is understood that the game masters doing a lot more work, they're kind of doing a lot more preparation. And so very often free pizza snacks are given maybe some benefits. But most people, unless you have a friend who is willing to step up in DM or groups who kind of rotate who the game master is, if you don't have that then a lot of people unfortunately are out of luck. Well we have it, so let's do it.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, so are you handing me the die? Now does PFT get one as well? Absolutely, you can each take one D20. Okay, here you go. 20-sided die, huh? All right. And this D20 is going to be used for pretty much everything we do in the game.

Anytime you try to do something in the game, you're rolling this die, you're trying to get a high number, 20 is the best you can get, it means you are getting something spectacular. If you roll a 1, you're done goofed. Something really bad is going to happen to you and I'll probably describe it. But you'll be adding bonuses and rather than doling out character sheets to you, I would be handing you sheets with a lot of numbers and a lot of like little notes about what your character can and can't do.

I would just be letting you know based on what character you choose, like what bonuses you would have to keep things simple, but picking your character is a big part of the game. So I'll say as a way of introducing that, there are four main categories of characters in D&D. There are the fighty types, the ones who wear armor and use weapons. There are the ones who cast spells that do attacks and like elemental damage and stuff like that. There are the casters who support people by healing and doing other cool buffing magic.

And then there are the sneaky types. The sneaky types are the ones who go around scouting and backstabbing people. Got it. All right. What do you want to be, Pia? I mean, I feel like I'm the sneaky type, right? Sneaky types, absolutely. I'll be the fighter type. Fighty type, I like it.

Should we get, do we need another player? You can have another player if you want. Hey, do you want to roll over there? Yeah. You can roll. All right. Hank, so you'd be a spell, the spell, wait, what was the second thing you said? So we've got a fighty type, a sneaky type, and then the spellcasters,

either a healing support spellcaster or an attack magic spell. He's an attack spell. Anything that has to do with some spelling is so cool. All right, let's take it here. You need to die. What do you call it again? I call it the D20. The D20.

It's a 20-sided die. And so in the game, they'll say things like the D6. That's the six-sided die. The D8 is the eight-sided die. And mainly, we just use the D20 to try to do different stuff. Okay. And if you are a fighty type, I will let you know you have the choice between being a fighter who is just specialized in combat,

a paladin who is like a holy warrior, or a monk who is kind of like a martial artist, the punchy kind, a karate master. There's also a ranger who is kind of the bow master, the Aragorn type character, the Legolas, the archer, woodsman, as it were. And I know I'm actually the barbarian. I'll be a barbarian.

Of course, the raging barbarian. Good choice, fantastic. The barbarian's power is you rage and swing your axe. Very straightforward. And as the sneaky type, you get two choices. You could either be the rogue, which is the straightforward sneaky type, or you could be the bard,

who is kind of the musician we were talking about. He's a jack of all trades. Can do a little bit of magic, a little bit of sneaking, and a little bit of everything kind of. Huh. I think your bard sounds mighty tempting right now. Although you did kind of, you steered me away from the bard earlier

when you told me about that creep that. Yeah, but just don't be a creep. Okay, I'm going to be a not creepy bard. Yeah. Oh, this one right here. 20, all right. Hank's got it. So then Hank.

All right. So Hank, you're a warlock? Yeah, absolutely. All right, let's do it. Now, does it matter that I'm holding a hammer? Does a bard carry a sledgehammer ever? Bard can carry. Generally, no, they wouldn't have a sledgehammer.

So if you want to trade swords, the barbarian would be wielding that big old thing. I just want to make sure this is realistic. Absolutely. I'm going to go ahead and say you're a barbarian with a two-handed hammer. That's a really great weapon for you to have. There you go.

Boom, boom, boom. So if we are starting out a really quick little D&D adventure, like say the beginner box. The beginner box is a perfect little introduction to D&D because it gives a little bit of an adventure that we can at least start today. And it gives us a little idea of what a typical adventure's day is like.

But we are in the city right now of Neverwinter. And Neverwinter is a city along the region called the Sword Coast. It is along the coast. Absolutely. And so it is kind of a, it's in a chilly region, but it is a warm city because of a nearby volcano. And that's why it's such a big, populous city.

And we all have one thing in common in the city of Neverwinter. We are friends with a guy named Gundren Rockseeker. Now, Gundren Rockseeker is a dwarf. He's a dwarf who owns a shop in a far, well, not that far, a three days away is a village called Fandelin. And he owns a shop there. And Gundren was wondering if we would be able to deliver a package to the town of Fandelin.

Do we know what's in the package? It sounds like a drug addict. His name's Rockseeker? Gundren Rockseeker, yes. You think he is part of a long dwarven lineage of the Rockseeker family who are miners by profession. But this was a long time ago. Now they are merchants apparently.

But he tells you that he does need something delivered to Fandelin. He has told you what is in there is just supplies to help the town grow. Apparently there's a keg of beer. There's a lot of lumber. And there's a lot of mining picks and shovels, things that they can't build in town, but need delivered to them from Neverwinter.

That's musical and nice. Good stuff, yes. And Gundren is inviting us to dinner because he's wondering if we have any questions for him about payment or anything like that. But he is letting us know at dinner. The thing is I was hoping to take this delivery myself. Just one wagon load and I was planning

on leaving tomorrow morning with it. But and he turns to a friend of his, a friend who's a human with a bow on his back who's kind of like elbowing Gundren, kind of urgently. But you don't know what he's elbowing him about. But Gundren looks at his friend, the human, and he says we've got to actually leave tonight.

Some business has come up and we'll need to leave about 12 hours earlier ahead of schedule. I was just saying right now I don't trust this guy. You know something's going on here and he's not telling you everything. So if you want to persuade Gundren to reveal more information, somebody here would make a persuasion check and he'll tell us right now,

we've got a bard in this group, is that right? So the bard, you're going to have the best persuasion skill by far. You would have a plus five to your roll on that at first level. So if you give that a roll, you can try to convince Gundren, is that what you would like to do, however? That's one way you could find out. Another way is somebody could roll an insight check to try to read his face and be like, what's he hiding from me?

Like a poker player. Like a poker player, exactly. What about like rolling, just put him in a headlock and be like, tell us what you're doing. You would be the best at that barbarian and you could try to either do that by actually headlocking him with an athletics check. You'd have a plus five on this.

Or you could just make it look like you're going to do that to him with an intimidate check and you'd have a plus four on that. However, you know that if you intimidate him and fail, probably he's going to be real mad at you. Okay, but he's a dwarf. All right, so hold on. Little guy probably pretty easy to put in a headlock. Relatively easy.

Pause for a second. Are we all working together? In theory, yes, but you don't have to be. Got it. We will work together. Yeah. All right. So what do we want to do, guys?

What do you think? Should I put this dwarf in a headlock? You should put him in a headlock. All right. I'm going to put him in a headlock. Absolutely. You're going to put him in a headlock. Now, are you trying to mainly just be intimidating

and like fake this? No, we want to know what the hell's going on. Okay. Yo, dude, just tell us. Now, I'm going to ask you a question. Are you raging before you put Gundren in a headlock? Ooh. Yeah.

Because if you rage, you'll get to roll two times and take the higher of it. Yes, then I am already better for you. You let out a roar. You're angry. Gundren almost falls backward in his seat, and the human next to him like kicks his chair back and stands up like he's reaching for a bow.

I don't trust the human, by the way. Absolutely. He's armed. Yep. And so you can roll once and you're adding plus five to this. 15 plus five. So you got a 20, and you have grabbed Gundren already. Just roll one more time to see if you did any better than that.

You definitely grabbed him. And now I do get to roll against you, so I'm just going to roll real quick to make sure. Nope. He got a two, which is like a total of four for him. He is severely headlocked by you. Now, he's shouting, let me go. Let me go.

What do you want? What do you want for that? I was going to pay you. What's this about? What's going on? Now, what do you want to say to him? I want to know what the hell's in the package and why is this human dude just telling you we've got to leave tonight?

I've got a theory about the human dude, though. I feel like Gundren might have been, like he might be under duress from the human. Well, OK, so just tell us what's going on, man. Might be attacking the wrong guy. He blurts out at this point. I told you true. It's just some ale, some mining picks.

There's nothing hidden in the wagons. Now, go ahead and roll your Intimidate Check, but now you earned advantage because of putting him in a headlock successfully. So you get to roll that two times now. All right, so you got an eight so far, but let's see if you do any better with this one. OK, within eight, the human is looking at you stony-faced right now. Like, he's like, what do you think you're doing right now?

But he seems to think that you're not actually going to do anything to Gundren, and he points at you without drawing his bow, and he says, if you release the dwarf, I'm sure we can talk things through. He hasn't said anything. Now, Gundren, Gundren is blurting stuff out. He's saying, oh, listen, listen, we have to leave early because I got to meet my brothers. I found something that I need to show them, and it's quite urgent.

And the human's going, hey, Gundren, Gundren, you need to talk about this. This guy's going to let you go in just a second, isn't he? And he's looking at you like you better let him go. But Gundren's saying, I wanted to bring something to my brothers. It's just something quickly. I needed to show them just a little something. Nothing to do with you, nothing, no double crossing, nothing like that.

So it's up to you whether you believe Gundren or this other human or not. Is there a possibility that we can use one of Hank's spells to make them tell the truth? Absolutely. I would say that if you are a warlock, Hank, one of the spells that you could have might be charm person. And charm person, if you cast it upon one of these characters, only one, I roll a saving throw. And if they fail that saving throw, they just remembered, oh wait, I'm best friends with you.

I love this guy. But if they pass the saving throw, then they know that you tried to charm them with magic. Let's try it. Or they'll fill up their notes. They'll try to charm the human, right? Yeah, yeah. Let's charm them. Now I'll say that if you charm the human, Gundren's in a headlock right now,

he won't see you casting the spell. But the human will, it's just the human, if he's charmed, will be like, oh, that was probably a nice spell that you cast on me, right? So I'm going to roll his saving throw and we're hoping he does bad on this. Oh no! Was that 16? I am sorry to say that the human with the bow on his back looks at you and says, nice try, dark magician.

But I am an elf, or I am partially an elf, and I'm harder to charm than that. Wait, did we learn something there though? We didn't know he was partially elf. You are noticing he does have slightly pointed ears. I used to think I was an elf when I was a kid because my ears were pointed. Yes, absolutely. All right, so we're in a pickle now. So I got this dwarf guy in a headlock and Hank just lost his spell.

Now what the hell do we do? Hank got made, so basically they know Hank's a cop. Right. The police. They definitely know that he's not only a warlock, but is casting spells upon them, and the human's quite angry. He turns to Gundren and says, Gundren, I think we've picked the wrong people for this job.

And he's like getting ready to tell Gundren to make them leave, and Gundren's like, wait, wait, please, please, let me go, let me go. He's not sharing more information right now, but what would people be doing? He's also not, to be fair, he's not attacking the warlock either, but the human with the bow is like saying, you guys should leave. So there's some ulterior motive going on here, but it doesn't seem like they're hostile.

It doesn't seem. You can pick that much up. You think you could roll an insight check to be sure. Oh, let's do it. Get an insight check on him. Okay, is that me? Yeah, you could roll that. If you are the bard, you might have a plus three on this, let's say.

All right, insight check. So what is he looking for? What kind of roll? You're looking for as high a roll as you can get. That is a 16. There you go. With a 19, you feel very sure that this, whatever they're hiding, is not at your expense.

You don't think that they're trying to put us out. They just don't want to share something that they're excited about, that they do want to share with the brothers. And that's why they have so much. Just like they got around to golf the next morning. They got a cool two times. Okay, so what do we do now? We let him go?

You could just let him go if you want. Should we just let him go? Seems like he does still want to tell you. My arm's starting to cramp. Well, here's the thing. We've shown that we're physically dominant over him. So we're not going to try any funny business on us. He is letting you know that he's hired you for this

because he was worried about brigands. And he's not sure if you were doing this in order to show him how strong you are, but you have succeeded in doing so. Yeah, yeah, that's what we're doing. Everyone knows that. He's still willing to pay us the regular fee of 10 goal pieces for us to go to the town family. I think let's do it.

Yeah, yeah, let's let him go. Absolutely. And we'll do their, they will carry their package. You can tell that they don't want to enjoy this dinner anymore with us. They just want us to like go back to our homes. Are they paying? I'm not here to make friends.

They are still paying, actually. Okay, they're paying. It's a business trip. Yeah, they're paying half now and then they're going to pay half when we arrive in Fandelen and meet them there. Okay. So we give them a figure of five goal pieces. Can we negotiate?

Can we say seven now and then three later? Absolutely. If you want to roll a persuasion check, you have a plus five on this. Yeah, let's do it. That's a five. Five, yeah. What, you wanted seven now and three later?

Yeah. Dad, he agrees to that. What was the total on that? It was five plus five. Oh, five plus five. A ten, you think is just enough to get that deal. Okay, okay, good deal. So we got seven now.

Absolutely. And if we are... What if we just said, fuck it, we're not going to... We got your seven. We're not going to deliver. You absolutely like could go back to your homes and be like, we do not then follow up and Gundren will like have left the night before and probably not for weeks,

find out that you stole his money. I'm kind of feeling that. That's karma though. What do you think? Absolutely good. That's some bad karma. I don't think you should. All right, we'll still deliver it.

Totally, totally. I don't want bad karma. Absolutely. So in theory, you're on this wagon with a mule pulling it and you're like, yeah, yeah, setting out on this three day journey to the town of Fandelen. We know that we're a little worried about some brigands along the way,

but as we journey our first and then our second day down what is called the high road from Neverwinter, further to a city called Waterdeep. And then we break off into an area called the Tribor Trail where it becomes a bit more rugged. We still haven't run into any threats. Nice. But up ahead, we are noticing something on the third day.

Just before we're reaching maybe our final day where we'll be at Fandelen, you can see that something is in the road up ahead. It looks like two lumps and everyone can roll a perception check. You would have a plus two on this. All right, I got a plus two. I'm rolling it right now.

I got a six, not great. Oh, that's actually a nine. Oh, that's a nine. Yeah, that's a nine. How does, does that come up off of them? It's going to be the dot at the bottom. Okay, got it. If there's a dot or a line,

it's always at the bottom. Nine, so 11. You got an 11. You can tell these are two horses. It looks like lying in the road with apparently saddles on. Yes. Shit, they're dead? They look, they, I think they're dead,

but you can't tell for sure. They look either unconscious or dead. Is Johnny, is Johnny Quaid around anywhere? That's a bump. That's a bummer. Johnny Quaid, he's killed two horses. All right. So what do we do now with these two horses?

I mean, we can also roll other perception checks to see if anybody else picked up details you didn't. So if you want to roll your perception check. You got a four. Oh, you did not even, you see lumps. That's it, unfortunately. Bad eyesight. I got a 19.

19. Whoa, hey, are you lying? Are actually a warlock and you would have a plus, let's say three on this. And so your total would be at 22. At the 22, you can tell that not only do these horses have their saddles on their back. You can tell that one of them is actually not a horse.

It's a pony, slightly smaller. I've always wanted a pony. You can see that all, both the horse and the pony are riddled with arrows, it looks like. There are about six arrows spread across the two animals. That pisses me off. As an aside, I'm getting my rage up just to let you guys know.

You are raging. Yeah, I'm raging. I would also like to point out that you can roll a check. This would be a knowledge check. So we're going to add like a plus five history bonus to this. 13. 13. So you had a plus five for 18 total?

Fuck yes. 18 total is going to tell you that you know who made these arrows. You know that they are black and that they have feathered hats, but that they are not very well made. They're quite crude and you bet dollars to doughnuts that if you were to yank one of those arrows out of one of the horses, it would have a hooked end. These are goblin arrows.

Goblins made these arrows. So what do we do? In fact, with an 18, you know that local to this area are the crag maw goblins. And as you notice that, but you think it's really as you hear the barbarian letting out a rage, all of a sudden arrows come flying out of the woods. There are two arrows.

One of the arrows is going to be flying at our warlock first. Can you have one of us die at some point? So we may have that happen right now. Whoa. Well, if a person going next would unfortunately be the goblins now. Oh, no, you're the goblin. I don't want to spy on them.

And they're going to be firing once at the barbarian and that is going to be a miss against the barbarian, actually, and then a shot against the bard. Oh, no. And I'm sorry, but that's more damage coming against you. No, no, no, no. And I'm sorry to say you took seven points of damage, bard, and are now knocked out.

Your last words were to the barbarian shouting, what did you shout to encourage him? I was trying to give him inspiration. I was saying, fuck him up, then. I'm going to say you gave him inspiration. So as you shout, fuck him up. Fuck him up, then. All of a sudden, the arrow lands right in your chest,

knocking you out right now, unfortunately. And barbarian, you would be up now. I got to finish these losers off. So what do I got to do? So you could either try to climb the tree now and hit one of them with an axe, which your hammer, which deals a lot of damage, or you could throw a javelin, probably at the injured one to finish.

All right, we've already done the javelin. Let's go. Let's climb this tree and fight him like a man. Now you have two options here. You can either swing your axe, and that's one dice roll. Or if you try to use athletics to grab him and throw him out of the tree, you would actually have advantage on this.

OK, let's do that. Let's do that, yeah. All right, so I roll both? You can roll both and take the higher number. And he needs to roll against you on that. 17, baby. 17. So far, you're succeeding.

Just roll one more time and see if you get a crit. Oh, oh. What happens with that? You roll off. If it falls out of the table, it usually never counts. OK. 13. So we know that with the 22 you got total.

You pick this guy up, you throw him out of the tree, and you get to roll this damage against him. Is this against the injured or uninjured goblin? I'm going to go against the uninjured. Uninjured goblin. Try to injure that guy. I'm giving you 2d6 damage as you chuck him out. Oh, no, he spikes into the ground, but it's only three.

Oh, but you get to add your strength to this. So actually, you dealt enough damage just barely to kill this goblin. When we add your strength bonus to that. Boom. You spike him literally on the ground football style. Whoa, from above. And he bounces once, twice, three times on his head.

Ahead explodes. Nicely done. Thank you. And now, Bard, since you are knocked out and no one's there to help you just yet, I need you to roll a d20. And if you get a 10 or higher, you are getting closer to living. But if you roll a 9 or less, you are getting closer to dying.

Oh, shit. That's a huge roll. Mm-hmm. Huge roll? Now that's good. You have gotten one out of the three successes that you need in order to stabilize. It's like when you're in jail and Monopoly.

Exactly. Exactly. You need three rolls to get out. But if you fail three rolls before you get out, then you are dead, unfortunately. OK. There you go. So that will then bring us to the warlock.

Wait, reset real quick. So PFT is in trouble. He's down. Hank has had a little damage. I killed one of the goblins, but one of them is injured. One of them is injured with two points of damage. There's two of them? Oh.

Is there a way to go all in? I just put it all on the table and go for it. In theory, you could use one of your more powerful spells. You would have used charm person on a previous day. So if you want to use a powerful either attack spell or you could try charming one of these goblins, again, with your charm spell if you want. That's what I would do there.

If you charm one of them, he'll get two rolls because you're in combat with him right now. But if he fails, he'll stop fighting us. All right, I'm going to do that. Yeah, let's try it. I think this guy is worth more alive to us than he is dead. You don't actually have to roll anything. I'm going to roll two times to try to resist your spell.

You know, this is a dumb goblin. I'm only rolling once. He saw his friend get killed, and so he's willing to negotiate. I'm just going to roll once. And he got a total of a one. What's fucking that? Yes.

He pops his head out and says, wait, wait, wait. You, you, you, you friend to goblins? I think I see you before. I think I see you. Yes. You friend. Wait, hold on. Hank, you've seen them?

Yeah, Hank. Yo, you're suspect now. No, no, no, it's, you, you can tell that our warlock is winking at us, but the goblin's not noticing. That's actually a good role playing for the barbarian. Like he's not. Yeah, like, yo, it's like, yeah, it's Johnny Ola and Godfather. Like, how do you know him?

Okay, got it. And so this goblin is still in the tree, but is talking to you right now. And if you roll a persuasion check, and you actually have a plus five on this as a warlock, you're quite persuasive because you make deals with creatures all the time. You get to roll two times

and take the higher of the two numbers. Three. Eighteen. Eighteen plus five is 23. Right now, this goblin is either going to do four things for you or answer four questions. They'll do four little minor favors for you. Or four questions.

I'm a man of action. You have come, you have talked to the Cragmaws before. You have met my boss, and you are a friend of my Cragmaw tribe. I know you. I know you. Yes, yes, yes. Just kid stuff.

What are you going to do? I mean, I should, should I do the favors? It's your call. It's your call. I personally would say action. You can do a mix of both. Sorry, two and two. A mix of different ones, yeah.

So, and a question could lead you to more ideas on what to do. So you've got four things you're getting out of this guy now. What do you want? Where are the rest of your goblins? He points to the north and he says, you know you've been to our cave before, Cragmaw hideout. It's where me live, where Clark live. We, you know, has river flowing out of it, bushes in front, you know.

It seems to know a lot about you, Hank. You got to follow Goblin Trail this way. And he points to a part of the road that you didn't notice that does seem to have a teeny tiny little footpath going to the north. Will we have trouble if we take Goblin Road? Well, you need a goblin to guide you so you don't fall into the two traps. He's just saying that so we don't kill him.

I don't like this goblin. What about if we just don't, what do you say? Why shouldn't we kill you? He also told you there were two traps there. So if we want to kill this guy at least then, we do know two traps that he's mentioned. So he says, you need, goblins will take you around the two traps. But yeah, you have to watch out for the two traps.

You know that. I'd like him to apologize for killing the horses. You could make one of your questions, ask him to apologize because he's very confused. Why shouldn't we kill you? Why shouldn't we kill you? He said, oh, oh, oh, well, well, no, kill me. You friend of Cragmaw's.

I, I, uh, Blico, Blico, a good goblin. You should be friends with Blico. I am a loyal, loyal Cragmaw. You friends with us. Don't kill me, please. I didn't do anything wrong. Question. Sorry for shooting at you, but it was, it was a mistake.

Question. Can I kill the goblin and Hank? Because I don't trust Hank now either. Yes, you, as soon as he's done with his last question, it's your turn. Oh, great. You can do whatever you want. I want to point out the goblin is in the tree right now,

but you still have two things you can get out of him. So you could ask him to come out of the tree as one of the questions, uh, and then you shall have one left. Seems like it's an inside job. Like the fact that they almost knew we were coming. Hank got like a little bit injured, but not much. Yep. Meanwhile, I'm over here bleeding from my neck.

All right. So the first thing is come out of the tree. Yeah. The second thing. He climbs out of the tree and runs up to you. Murder my two compa, comparters. Okay. He will absolutely make an attack against one of them.

He says, which one? Which one? Quick. The barbarian. Absolutely. You better try to get me out first. He pulls out his scimitar to stab. Absolutely.

So you can, I'll let you roll his attack now, because he's under your control. Liam makes you watch this. He has a plus four on this attack. 11. 11 plus four is 15. And that is just enough to hit the armor class of the barbarian. Please go ahead and if you want to roll a D6, this D6 plus two.

Is the damage? So it's that, whatever that is plus two. Two. Two plus two. So four damage, but as a barbarian who is raging, you take half damage from weapon attacks. So you only take two points of damage. It's the first two points of damage you've taken.

So you're not even bloody at this point. And he goes, that's the best you can do. And then he looks at you and goes, what now? Yeah. Okay. He's going to try to hide in a nearby bush as his bonus action real quick. And he is, now to be fair, he's hidden in there,

but you could easily run up to this goblin to attack him or attack him. Don't even want the goblin. I want Hank. Absolutely. You can go after him now, totally. Why? Why don't you like try to submit the goblin and make him be Hank's pet? I don't care about the goblin.

I want to kill Hank. He just tried to kill me. Absolutely. So you can roll, you can rush up to Hank, swing your great axe, I assume. What do I need to roll here? You don't know his armor class yet, but you know it's weaker than yours, which is like 15 or 14. Okay.

Wait, hold on a second. So just a reset again. Hank is sitting there. He's already a little injured. He's, I believe a little, I know the bard got injured and you did get a little injured. He's really injured? I'm not doubt. He's bloodied.

So one more attack from you will definitely take him down. Okay. You know what? I actually just want to kill off PFT because he's already almost dead on the ground. I'm actually going to point out he's bleeding out. Yeah, yeah. Let's just finish him off. No, let's finish him off.

I don't like this. I don't like this at all. Hank, uh, truce. Let's just kill PFT. This is bullshit. No, no, no. It's funny. He's just trying to kill you.

You're gonna trust him? Yeah, because you're already almost dead. So we're taking this role. Nothing. Since he's on the ground, you get to roll two times against him, and if you hit him, it counts as two bad dice rolls. Can I sing a protective song? All right, so what do I do?

It is unfortunately not unconscious. What do I do? You roll this two times to make sure you hit him. So far, you're actually hitting his armor on the ground instead of him. Okay, yeah. You hit him. And now you currently have one out of three successes, but you have two out of three failures on your turn.

And if you could now roll your last potentially deep. So what happens? So if he gets a nine or less now, he's dead. Okay, officially dead. Here we go. Here we go. And you are, you now have two successes and two failures, but your next dice roll will still determine if you live or die.

So what does the guy get here? I mean, is anyone on their next turn going to be helping him at all? I just want to check it. We know that. Then roll your last one. Hank's gonna come at me too. Yeah, hell yeah, dude. You're almost dead.

You can't trust this. You're either gonna stabalize or die. You're gonna do every single thing about Hank's first life. But I decided not to. All right, come on. There we go. 13. Okay.

Success. You are gonna be stabilizing actually and lying unconscious, but your blood has stopped flowing out of your body at the very last minute, because then you got another wound. And then it would be the warlock. Finish him off, Hank. You could shoot at him on the ground. I want to go back at Big Cat.

Oh, he's a little fucker. You little fucker. Now go ahead and roll for your goblin first. Your goblin gets two d20 rolls because he's hidden. Come on, Hank. 10. 10. So far, so good roll.

One more time though, just to see if you crit. 16. There we go. Definitely a hit. And you can roll that d6 plus two. One. One plus two. That sucks.

Gets halved down from three to one damage against you. You have a total of three damage. You're still not bloody. And then do you want to launch an eldritch blast against him? Yeah. Wait, he didn't still do that. Well, because his goblin has attacked now. Whatever I can do.

Yeah. Empty the armory. Three. Not a hit. Then roll to see if your goblin successfully hides. For this. Because if it does, it gets advantage on his next attack roll. Four.

Four. He's not hitting anymore. He's trying to hide behind a tree, but doesn't. What do you want to do to attack either one of them? So I got a problem here because I already fucked with PFT and he's almost dead. But so I don't, I probably, what do I have to roll to kill PFT?

What do I have to roll to kill Hank? If you hit him one more time, he is dead for good because you dealt two extra fails. But what does one hit mean? Yeah. You just need to get one shot at him with advantage that hits his armor. Okay, then what about him?

If you hit him, you will probably knock him out with a single attack. If I do not go at you, will you promise to kill out Hank? Yeah. Oh yeah, let's stop Hank. All right, so I'm not going to go at you, but so if I could. But he's still unconscious right now. So what does that mean when he rolls?

He just keeps lying and now when he rolls on the ground, you have stabilized. You don't worry about any failures anymore on your rolls. It's only people injuring you that can kill you. But if you get a 20, you wake up and start fighting. Okay, so you got a roll of 20. We got to kill Hank. So I'm going to go at Hank.

So what do I got to roll? So you got to roll with a plus five. And I'll just tell you it's a 13. You're trying to get against him. 13 and he's dead. And he's dead. Kill him. Hank, are you even paying attention?

Ready? And with a plus five. Fuck. Plus five. Oh yes, plus five. 15 is a hit. And I mean, we can just roll it. It's definitely going to be enough

because you had plus five. That's what you get for hanging out with goblins. So you draw both of them with a plus five. It's definitely going to knock him out. Oh. And it's, I just want to check if it's enough damage. Seven, two. So you had plus five to this 12 on top of what he already had.

That would probably actually be an insta kill hit. Where Hank dies instantaneously. You messed with the wrong barbarian, bitch. The goblin runs for it now that the charm spell is over. And that, yeah, that would be an overkill shot. And then you get to roll. Does this happen often where everyone just turns on each other? Okay.

You know what? I do run the kids games. So the answer is actually 100%. Definitely. Because that was all the time. That was so fast for us to turn on each other. Dude, I was starting to piss off of this. I love the idea of like a mystery,

but then it ends with the barbarian just standing over the party's bodies like the high ones. The mystery. Where's the dwarf at in all this? The dwarf? That's a really good question. Oh, yeah. So I'm not about that fucker.

I mean, that goblin is running. The dwarf had left a day early, keeping mind. So he should be at the town of Fandolin already. But these are probably his horses with the guy with the bow. Yeah, yeah. Are they okay? I wonder. Well, so what are you rolling for right now?

This goblin is running away right now. Now your roll is just, if you get a 20, you wake up and can do something. Otherwise, you continue lying on the ground and the barbarian gets to do something. Okay. Seven. And now I will also say take one more roll.

I am awarding you something called DM's Inspiration. Okay, it's five. I want to see if you would wake up. But okay, barbarian, you've got one dead warlock. Yeah, I'm going to kill him, too. And one bleeding out as long as you hit with it, roll on advantage. What do I got to do?

You need to get against him 15. So you get two rolls? You get two rolls and plus five on each of them. So you're going to kill me. You're probably going to die. 13. You're doing it. You're doing it.

Suck it. So I won. So you just murdered both of your party members. Maybe you killed all your friends. The goblin has run into the woods and then you can hear the goblin and Tree going, what the, what's going on? What?

I'll kill that goblin, too. And he's very confused. I'm going to say that if you're looking up at this goblin, the goblin panics, and he is going to be shooting back at you, he has hit you with that shot. Okay, it kills you. He's just dealt eight points of damage to you, which becomes four.

So now you've got a total of seven damage and you are blood eater. You're going to run after that goblin. Yeah, I want to kill him. The goblin goes, I surrender. I surrender. Are you still swinging at him? Oh, yeah.

Okay, you can swing. No, well, can I do the thing where it's like, okay, cool, you surrender. And then I hit him after he surrenders. Oh, like you want to, you tell him, okay, I accept your surrender. Yeah, right. And then you catch him by surprise.

Right. Okay, roll two times, then I'll allow it. Nine. Nine, it was meant to be. But with a nine plus four, you, a plus five, you are, this guy has lowered his shield. You are hitting him. And you get to deal all of this damage against him.

Okay. So almost definitely enough. You have slain this goblin. And can see the trail going off into the north. See, now you don't know what else is going on. You killed all your witnesses. Well, we should probably, we do have to stop at some point. I feel like this is a good spot.

I want to play a full game sometime. We can always continue the story. And there are so many different RPGs out there. We can try out whatever ones we want. Awesome. We should just do this on occasion, see who can kill everybody else as fast as we can. Yeah, I gotta say, it was a perfect way to get to a great epic wrap up.

As I was starting to like think of like, should I suggest good cliffhanger endings? You were like, could I murder everyone? And I'm like, that's a hell of a good cliffhanger right there. So now you're just out in the open going to starve to death. Congrats. Yeah, that's play yourself. No, I'll eat your body.

There's nobody to sing you songs and make you happy. I hope you're happy with that big cat. All right, Tim, this has been awesome, man. This has been such a pleasure for sure. You've never really done anything like this, and I've really had a fun time. It's so cool running this for people who are interested in other kinds of games,

but there's so much overlap at the same time. Yeah, for sure. All right, well, thank you so much, Tim. Thank you. Love you guys. Take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me Take me Take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, take me

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