Pardon My Take - NFL W/ Pete Prisco + Mt Rushmore Of Football Guys

Episode Date: August 1, 2018

Rick Pitino has a book coming but we're not going to make those jokes (2:25-4:55). MLB Trade Deadline and who is ALL IN (4:56-6:43). Draymond vs Tristan Fight (6:44-9:26). Hot Seat/Cool Throne (9:27-1...8:09). Mt Rushmore of Football Guys (18:10-26:37). CBS Sports' Pete Prisco joins the show to talk about the upcoming NFL season, ranking his favorite quarterbacks, Tom Coughlin stories, and the time he ate late night pizza with Mark Davis (29:03-1:05:15). Bachelor talk for guys that don't watch the Bachelor (1:07:07-1:09:56), Jon Gruden's time machine (1:09:47-1:11:25) Owners should pay for their own fucking stadium (1:11:26-1:13:08), hurt or injured Arizona Cardinals blocking sled (1:13:09-1:15:40), and Guys on Chicks (1:15:41-1:22:52). You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. On today's part in my take, we have Pete Prisco from CBS Sports talking football, great Tom Coughlin stories, and we do a little predictions for the 2018 NFL season. We also have a, should I say it? Do you think it will be about Rushmore? Of football guys that could prove to be very dramatic. We also have guys on checks and bachelor talk. Before we get to all that, we all know that afternoon feeling when we're battling to get through the day. You get really tired. You're like, man, will this day ever end? The issue always is we have so much more to do and with so much going on in an empty stomach,
Starting point is 00:00:54 it's difficult to know where to start. That's where the new Dunkin' Run menu can help. The Dunkin' Run menu has the perfect snacks to get you through the afternoon. They have a variety of snacks for only $2 that will help you get through the day. Tell me what you like here, PFT. I'm going to read some things off for you. Donut fries? Gluten-free brownie? Yeah, I love gluten-free brownies. Pretzel bites, ham and cheese rollups. Had one of those earlier today. Waffle breaded chicken tenders, which I've been gnashing on the last couple of days and they've been delicious. Next time you hit that 2pm wall and you aren't sure if you can make it through the day, then it's time to make a Dunkin' Run and grab the perfect afternoon pick-me-up. Pick up Big Cat's favorite waffle
Starting point is 00:01:37 breaded chicken tenders and don't let the afternoon struggles ruin your day. Go on a Dunkin' Run. America runs on Dunkin'. Barstool runs on Dunkin'. That'd be me, Hank. The waffle breaded chicken tenders, those are my favorite. Alright, check them out. The new Dunkin' Run menu. $2. All those snacks. Give that pick-me-up in the afternoon. Okay, let's go. All on this one. Oh, no. We're gonna rock it down to Electric Avenue. And then we'll take it higher. Oh, we're gonna rock it down to Electric Avenue. It's part of my take. Presenting by Barstool Sports. Welcome to Part of My Take, presented by SeekGeek. Today is Wednesday, August 1st,
Starting point is 00:02:46 and, boys, our ass is in the jackpot because we're gonna have to read a book. Which, oh, I know where you're going with this one. We're gonna have to read a book. Rick Petino has a memoir coming out called Petino. If I did it. Well, I did do it. If I came, here's how quick it would have been. I actually heard that the pre-release is going really well for him. Really? Nice. Petino, my story. So I'm gonna say this, guys. I know we joke about how we're gonna do a book club and, like, we're gonna read this movie. I think what we're gonna do... Did you say we're gonna read this movie? Yeah, we're gonna read this movie. We're
Starting point is 00:03:19 gonna wait for the movie to come out. I'm gonna watch this book. Yeah, we're gonna watch this book. So I think what we need to do is we are going to... Actually, the movie already came out. Is that one scene from American Pie? Get it? It's a prequel. We're gonna read one chapter a week, and then we're gonna do 15-second movie reviews. Okay. Hold this to it. Hank, why are you... Don't... Now, that's negative energy, Hank. Because Hank was about to say, I thought we don't make those jokes anymore. Well, guess what, Hank? When you're served up a platter of steamy rick sauce like this, you gotta suck it down, okay? We take it. He is putting...
Starting point is 00:03:53 His verbatim quote was, I'm gonna lay all the cards on the table. Yes. And usually he lays things under tables, but we'll deal with on the tables as well. I'm actually more looking forward to his explanations, like, that have to do with all the stuff besides the restaurant. Oh, well, I'll tell you, he trusted too much. He will apologize, even though he did nothing wrong, but just a pre-apology, like, hey, here's my apology for nothing. And I just can't get enough of all the tweets saying, Rick Petino's memoir coming soon. I just... It's... Call me... Call me sophomore. Call me juvenile. I don't care. I love it. It already came. Yes. So, we're gonna do it. Hold us to it. What? Tell me... Hank, you have to read. I'm gonna fight back every single time.
Starting point is 00:04:37 I was thinking that this would be a great opportunity, like, to do some viral marketing. Maybe have the pages be laminated was my thought. Yes, I like that. Just like a little wink and a nod. Yeah, a little... Maybe just have a raincoat over them. Just carry it around. We're gonna do it. God damn it, we have to come through with one of these sometimes. So, it's actually coming out in hardcover, but the books, they turn into softcovers as soon as you touch them. Nice, nice. We don't make those jokes anymore. No, we're not gonna make those jokes. Should we talk about the MLB trade deadline? The best deadline in all of sports, but now teams just do their trades like a week before, so it wasn't that exciting. Help me out here. So, there is a trade deadline.
Starting point is 00:05:16 I get that, but it seems like every year there's a trade deadline that comes and goes, and then there's another trade that happens after the trade deadline. Oh, yeah, like you can wave team, wave players and all that shit. Is that the player to be named later? Yeah, I'm not fully sure about that. I just know that the trade deadline had a lot of juice when we woke up in the morning, and then Mike Rizzo said Bryce Harper not being moved, and we're like, well, fuck, man. Like, could you at least wait till four o'clock so we could think it was gonna happen? Yeah, it took all the suspense out, and I'm, as a Nats fan, I guess I can say I'm a Nats fan now. Yeah, Natitude. As one who possesses Natitude, I think they probably should have traded him. My guess is they just got a bunch
Starting point is 00:05:51 of shitty offers for him because he sucks us here. No offense, Bryce. Well, if you get him, you know, you do, you rent him for a couple months, then maybe he loves the scenery, but the big trade movers, the Brewers added a couple guys, the Braves added someone, the Phillies, Chris Archer went to the Pirates, which the Pirates are going for it. I love, my favorite part about the trade deadline is you can figure out who's going for it, who's not. Are you buying or selling? The Orioles, not going for it. I don't even think they have 30 wins right now, so they're not going for it. Are the Red Sox all in? Did they get anybody? They got Kinsler, I think. The Cubs already did their move with Hamels, got a couple relief pitchers, so everyone's all in. The Yankees also did their
Starting point is 00:06:30 thing. They got Jay Hap and Zach Britton. So it's going to be a spicy end of the season, and people are definitely going to watch when NFL comes back. I haven't seen Britton teaming up like this with the Yankees since 1945. Nice. Nice. All right, folks. Pipe in the after them. Put in the folks to the Britton. This is a mauling, folks, a mauling. The real other story, though, was we had an actual fight in the NBA. Classic offseason pettiness in the NBA. Tristan Thompson punched Draymond Green in the face in the club. Yeah, so they were at a club after the Espy Awards, and I guess Draymond Green went up to Tristan Thompson and said, hey, man, no harm, no foul. Let's be cool, which I'm going to actually,
Starting point is 00:07:17 even though Tristan Thompson threw the punch and didn't knock him out, which that's a terrible look, it would piss me off if someone had just won their third championship in four years and be like, hey, man, it's cool. Like, we're all cool. Like, no, dude, you just swept us and we stink. Yeah, it's also kind of a shithead move because even if Draymond Green meant his apology, there's no way that you can look at Draymond Green in the face and think he's got anything but a shitting grain on. He's got one of those faces. No matter what he's saying to you, it's like, you're pulling something on me right now. And what he was pulling was, hey, remember when I talked about you cheating on your wife in the NBA Finals on national television? You remember
Starting point is 00:07:51 that? When everybody saw it? I'm sorry for that. Yeah, sorry. My bad. As we actually, people forget that we actually got into a little scrum with Draymond Green after the McGregor Mayweather fight. That's true. So we, there's no one better in the journalism world to speak about it than us. So yeah, I guess you should have had your camera out so you could have captured it and you should have had PFT hopping up and down behind, trying to get in the shot. I forget what I was saying to Paul George when we saw it was a playoff P and Draymond. It was right after the McGregor Mayweather fight. Yeah, we had a couple cocktails. Draymond kind of gave me a little, not a shove. He just said, come on, man. And I was like, okay, you should have fallen over. Yeah. Oh man, Draymond got me.
Starting point is 00:08:35 The big story though from, from this, the fallout was, I guess LeBron and KD broke up the fight. So one, that means they're probably friends are going to play for the Lakers as soon as LeBron starts winning. And then KD will join them. And two, LeBron then left the club right after because he was sick of the shit. And that leads me to the question, do you think LeBron James will ever speak to Tristan Thompson again in his life? I think he's a fake friend. I don't know. I think he's just like, he's never going to converse them again. That was it. Like Tristan Thompson, he probably thought he was being really awesome by punching Draymond. And then when LeBron left, he's like, shit, that's it. Like he'll never, ever speak to him again. I wish that there was footage
Starting point is 00:09:17 of this, not to see the fight itself, but to watch Kevin Durant try to break up a fight. Yeah. There's like long spindly arms. Probably be good. Yeah, you can keep people at the length, but you forget he can't bench press 135 pounds. So what are we just going to do there? Yeah, that's true. Let's do hot seat, cool throne before we get to Mount Rushmore. We have a very good Mount Rushmore. We're going to talk about Jim Harbaugh before that, but let's do our hot seat, cool throne. Hank, you want to go first? Sure. My hot seat are houses. Oh, okay. General. The real estate website Zillow did a study and they found out that millennials aren't buying houses anymore because they're going on bachelor parties. Wait, I thought millennials weren't getting married,
Starting point is 00:09:54 though. They're not getting married or buying houses. They're just going on the bachelor parties. Yeah, I like that. I love these facts. Millennials not buying houses because they're going on bachelor parties, not because the baby boomers sucked up all the real estate for really cheap and then held on to it and made a ton of money and made owning a house now in 2018 basically impossible. Yeah. Hey, you know that $500 that you spent to go on a flight tour Orlando for that bachelor party? That could have been one 20th of a down payment on a 1000 square foot house. No. Oh, you're wrong. That could have been, that could have been a 5000 square foot house in 1970. Why can't you kids learn the value of real estate? Yeah, thankfully it's national avocado day today,
Starting point is 00:10:32 so I think that will help cool millennials. No, it means that they're going to be spending even more money. Yeah. Millennials aren't going to be able to buy houses for the next year now. Shit. My cool throne is big cast belly button. So Nikki Bella and John Cena called off their wedding again. Oh, yeah, and PFD's four nipples. Yep. So John Cena, I won't be surprised if John Cena just strolls in one of these days. I would actually say, yeah, that's a big time hot seat for your belly button. Still got that belly button? Is it a hot? I was going to put it on my hot seat. I wasn't sure. I feel like it's cool throne them because he's like, no. I would like to get my belly button fucked by John Cena. Yeah. Yeah, I'd love him to titty fuck my third and fourth nipple.
Starting point is 00:11:09 It's almost like John Cena and Nikki Bella have a reality show. It's actually perfect for my tiny third and auxiliary nipples for his little tiny auxiliary cock. Yeah. Yeah. Perfect. My other cool throne is Johnny Manziel. Yeah. He's been named the starter for the Montreal aloe aloe. Alouette, alouette, alouette, alouette, alouette, alouette, alouette, alouette. So he's going to be starting with, when's that game? Friday? Friday. You know what, guys, we have one more day until NFL football is back. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh, yeah. I'm so excited to see the pageantry like any other spectacle in sports. The Marj Jackson is definitely going to play. Yeah. And RG3 is going to play a lot too. Yeah. RG3 is going to play. And Chase Daniel, we've been hyping it up
Starting point is 00:11:54 since like for the last month. Yeah. The only ones looking forward to this game. Is that it, Hank? Great. All right, my good job. Thank you. Good job, Hank. Good job. You did a really good job. My hot seat is the shield, the NFL shield. So we know Jerry Richardson of Jeans Friday is no longer the owner of the Carolina Panthers. And Jake Tapper, Jake Tapper? Tapper. I think Tapper is the CNN guy. Yeah. Okay. Jake Tapper is thinking about changing the midfield logo to a Panther. So then it would just be the Giants. So yeah. So it would just be the Giants and the Jets that have it, but they have it for other reasons. Right. This would be the Panthers spitting in the face of Roger Goodell. I think Roger Goodell should think about revoking his
Starting point is 00:12:35 charter as an owner. Can you pull it back already? Shame on Jerry Richardson for mandating that the statue sticks around after he's gone, but not mandating that the shield at the yard line sticks around. Come on. Give us what we want. P. Diddy still in the wings. Remember when he was going to own the Panthers for like four minutes after his Instagram post? Steph Curry. Yeah. So that's my first hot seat. My second hot seat is strip clubs. Laveon Bell got spotted in a strip club in Miami and now many people are saying that he's not focused on the seat and that he won't be ready when he chooses to report for the Steelers training camp after his holdout. So he was in a strip club and that's a problem. That's actually more of a, you kidding me? Come on, man. You kidding me?
Starting point is 00:13:15 It's a come on, man. Laveon Bell. Come on, man. You like to see all the holes before you hit some. That's why he was there. It takes his time. Yeah. Very patient. My, well, I was going to have a hard ball, but we'll get to that later. PFT, are you tweeting during the show? No. I just saw your tweet. That was before the show. Oh, okay. Yeah. My cool throne is Bill Belichick and it's also you think, because as I tweeted right before we started recording the show, the Patriots brought in Eric Decker for a look at at wide out. Perfect. So I think we all saw that coming. He is, Bill Belichick is doing the Pokemon for white wide receivers. Got to collect them all. Yep. He's just going around and getting them. My big dick Decker, by the way. That's right.
Starting point is 00:13:56 That's right. Yes. People forget about it. He's got the third leg. Yes. That's why he's always injured because big old dick walking around with that thing. It's like Teddy Bridgewater. That's by the way, like an all time move by a wife to just tweet out, yeah, my husband's got a huge dick. That's a rider die. Yeah. That's a real big nice move. Big time rider die. My other cool throne is Pat Sajak. Because Alex Trebek says he's going to retire in 2020. Oh, from Jeopardy. Wow. So Pat Sajak going to be the longest game show host around. He's probably not going anywhere. Pat Sajak is one of those guys that's probably 90 years old. He's knocking on wood. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's right. Be careful. He's like 90 years old, but he looks like he's 60. So I just think,
Starting point is 00:14:35 I don't think he's even a human. I think he's just never going to die. He's a robot. Dead or alive, Bob Barker. Alive. We brought him back on Barstle Van Talk. What do we did? Yeah, we said RIP, Bob Barker. And then I was like, wait, I think he's alive. And then we celebrated bringing him back to life. Shit. Okay, good. Okay. That's good to know. Congrats to us for bringing him back. And we did it again. Yep. Yeah, did it again. Okay, my hot seat is it's actually me because I'm in a little bit of a pickle, boys. And I need some help walking through this. So my boss, Arod, had some comments about you, Darvish in the club's clubhouse. It has caused quite the controversy in the Chicago media and you Darvish, he basically said you Darvish is a distraction and could cause a clubhouse
Starting point is 00:15:18 problem. You Darvish is injured. He's rehabbing with the team, which I actually like. Yeah. So my question to you is where do I go here? So what's the problem? Why is he going to? Well, everyone's like, you need to have a comment. And I would prefer I have the be nice to you movement. I would prefer the club's clubhouse to stay kumu matata. And but I also don't want to disappoint my boss. I think you just got a no comment. No comment. So no comment. Yeah. Thank you for asking. But yeah, yeah. Okay. Thank you guys for asking. Why are they pissed off at you for rehabbing with the team? No, he was saying I understood Arod's point. I don't know if it was said perfectly, but he was basically saying if a guy is with the team and not playing, it can cause, you know,
Starting point is 00:15:59 an issue where everyone's like, Hey, why is this guy not back yet? Why is he watching tape? Why is he taking up, you know, trainers and stuff? I don't think that's the case because I think they have an opposite. True. Like if he's not with the team, it's like he should be with his teammates. Right. That's what I would say. Right. It's a damned if you do damned if you don't. And Kyle Schwarber, when he tore his knee rehabbed with the Cubs and the Cubs have actually I'm going to change my mind. I'm changing my mind for this reason. I'm changing my mind. But as a representative of Arod Corp, your job is to take bullets for your boss. So you got to have his back 110%. But I can just say no comment. No, you can't because you know what you just did? You just threw
Starting point is 00:16:32 Arod under the bus. What if I just do like a Sammy Sosa, like no oblin grace, you can pretend that you don't speak English. Yeah. Okay. So that's a better right now. You either say that or you, you go even further than Arod and say he's being a clown. Sorry. Call him a fraud. Losiento, no oblin grace PFT. There you go. My cool throne is the XFL. So I don't know if people saw this, but the XFL has a committee for fan engagement and technology members of that committee. Jim Caldwell and John Fox. Okay, yeah, that is fun and a lot of technology. Nothing says extreme like John Fox. I would love to have sat in that meeting and been like, okay, so how are we going to capture fans on Twitter, Jim? And he just sits there blankly and they're like, John and John's
Starting point is 00:17:21 got a beer in one hand. He's like, what the fuck is Twitter? Yeah, maybe they just had them in their canaries in the coal mine where they presented an idea. And then if Jim Caldwell was like, that's not football or John Fox is like, I don't like it. I don't understand. That's a great idea. That's actually smart. Yeah. Like I don't understand what you're saying right now. Wait, so the quarterback throws the ball forward. Yeah. No, that's kind of gimmicky. You have to run on first down and second down. You got to make sure that your quarterback's in the worst possible spot. Like, okay, we'll do the grass should be taller. I just like the idea of Jim Caldwell sitting in any meeting just blank face. He's got a perfect like boring meeting face. They should,
Starting point is 00:18:01 you know how a lot of times you can go over to China and get hired to be just a westerner to sit in offices and act like a CEO? Yep. Jim Caldwell would be a perfect hire. Yes. Put them in like a glass walled office. Yeah, just have them stare straightforward. He's like, that guy means business. Yeah, we don't know what business, but he means business. Okay, we need to get to our Mount Rushmore. Before we do that, we need to bring up a quote from our good friend, Jim Harbaugh. And this is what's spurned the Mount Rushmore. Is he your friend anymore? Oh, yeah. He's my good friend. He's a great friend. Well, he's, he's avoiding you though. No, he says he doesn't like gamblers. He's got to say that publicly. And then he texted me on the side. I don't have
Starting point is 00:18:37 his number. Hey, big cat, I wasn't talking about you gamble your little heart out. That's what he said. So Jim, Jim Harbaugh, who was speaking, sorry, Wilton spate, who is a friend of the program, was on a podcast and he had this story of about Jim Harbaugh. He said, Harbaugh pulled Wilton spate aside and told him not to eat chicken, a protein that is considered fairly safe by nutritionists. When spate asked why Harbaugh said because it's a nervous bird, he thinks some type of sickness injected its way into the human population. When people began eating white meats instead of beef and pork, and he believes it 100%. Yeah, and I do too. Now. Yeah, have you ever seen chicken run around? It's literally they call kids a chicken because it's nervous. Yeah,
Starting point is 00:19:21 you can cut a chicken's head off and it'll still run around. And that you got to have your head on a swivel, not on the ground next to you looking up at you. When Jim Harbaugh dies in like 200 years, they need to do a study on how he lived to 250 by just eating steak and drinking milk. I just came up with an idea right now. If you're an NFL Hall famer, you're looking for a little extra cash, just sell Jim Harbaugh like a piece of your liver to eat. You would pay for it. If you're a tough guy and like you've got the resume, your liver, it'll regenerate. So just take like a little slice off. Is that true? Yeah. Like salamanders tails? Yeah, as long as I think it's like if I remember my house of cards correctly, it's problematic, I know. Not on it anymore.
Starting point is 00:20:04 Not on anymore. So if you get like a quarter of your liver taken out, it'll regenerate and grow back. So you can just like keep going back to Harbaugh once a year. So you are your own farm? Yes, you grow your own liver for yourself. It's like, or just sell me your plasma. Yeah. And just have him drink your blood. I bet you that Harbaugh would do it. It'd be like, that guy's strong. I will acquire his strength. We got a glass of Tom Brady's blood. Would you like to feed it to your quarterbacks? Yes, he would absolutely do it. Without a doubt. Okay, so with that, he should just like, if I'm Serena Williams, I'm just pumping extra milk every day and just selling it. Shipping it right to in our Michigan. $5,000 an ounce.
Starting point is 00:20:42 So with that, we are going to do the Mount Rushmore of football guys because of Jim Harbaugh's quote. Who would like to start? Bubba, why don't you decide the order for this? Because I feel like catching the tail into the snake is going to be huge. PFT Big Cat Hank. Okay. Wow, that was he did that because he loves Hank. Okay, fucking rather do. All right, PFT. Here we go. My first, I'm going to go with Tom Coughlin. Yikes. Okay, going big Tommy on that one. Okay. Yeah, I mean, we have some good stories coming up from Pete Prisco. Tom Coughlin, he is the consummate football guy. The thing is, this is
Starting point is 00:21:27 going to be like star studded. All of our picks. I know, but like, this is the thing. It's going to be very hard to figure out who has the best. Oh, are you giving yourself an out already? No, I'm just saying Tom Coughlin is a great pick. It's going to be a lot of big names up on the board. Yeah, why didn't you like that pick? Yeah. Hank, what did Tom Coughlin ever do to your team? Huh? A little bias from Hank over there. Interesting. Okay, my first pick. I got to do it. I'll go with Dicca. Okay. Homer pick. Yeah. Through and through. Kind of a reach as a Homer pick. Football through and through. I'm going to go with Bill Belichick. Okay. Jim Harbaugh. Okay. Okay. Good choices. Good choices. I'll go with Kocho. All right. That's also good. Yeah, these are the ones
Starting point is 00:22:10 that are going off the board. Okay. I'm going to go, I'm going to turn the corner with Bill Parcells. Good pick. This is tough. And this is tough. Andy Reed. Okay. Okay. I will go with my third pick. I'll go with John Gruden. Lives football. Loves football. But his story is not told yet. What do you mean? He's still got some, he's still got some work to do. Yeah. So does Andy Reed. I don't know. I think he has one of Super Bowl. Yeah. So hasn't gone to the top of the mountain. That almost makes it better. Yeah. Real football guys. They keep pushing. Thank you for complimenting my pick. They keep pushing that stone. It's almost like he goes back to the Raiders and gets paid $100 million
Starting point is 00:22:56 to install an offense from 1975. I'm going to go with Vince Lombardi. Okay. Good pick, Hank. And my final one, I'm going to go with Mike Leach. Okay. Okay. Interesting. Okay. All right. My final pick. I have a panda pick that I was going to do that I'm not going to do. We'll discuss it after. The panda to the audience. I'm not going to do it, but I was going to do it, but I'm not going to. Do you guys want to know what it was? Was it going to be Tom Brady? No, it was not going to be. No, not Tom Brady. The panda to our audience. Jim Tomsula? No. I almost did that. Liam knows who I'm going to do. Should I do it? Fuck it. I'll do it. The man who literally denied a job at the greatest company in the world and the greatest podcast in the world because he loves
Starting point is 00:23:47 football so much. Billy football. Oh, Jesus. No. That's the greatest panda pick of all time. Don't reward big cat for that. Don't get mad because you didn't do it. Don't be mad. No, he does. He literally didn't come back to pardon my take. He's a child. He loves football. His coach said pick football. Pardon my take. He's a football baby. He picked football over us. You know what? That's a panda move right there, but it's not going to look as good written down. That's fine. That's fine. I'm confident with my pick. No, it is going to look good written down, but if you put the resumes down, it looks terrible. Oh, you think D3 QB to wide receiver who can't even get on the field isn't a good resume? All right. My last one, I'm going to go with buddy
Starting point is 00:24:41 Ryan. Okay, not only is he buddy Ryan, a football guy, but he shot two other football guys out of his dick. Yeah, I almost went with the road of just going dads like Steve Belichick, Jack Harbaugh, buddy Ryan. Yeah, yeah. All right, we missed a lot. I had Mike Singletary obviously there. Ronnie Lott was on my list. Ronnie Lott, Dick Buckus, Jeff Fisher, Chris Berman. Yeah, Mike Allstott. Mike Allstott, Jeff Brom. We could do double one. Ernie Adams. Ernie Adams would have been a good one for sure. I almost, yeah. There's so many. Gundy. There's so many. We should just redo it. Want to redo it. We could do another. Do another one. Do another one. Do a sub mount rush more. Let's go fast, fast, fast sub mount rush more as fast as you can. Jesus. Okay. All right. All right.
Starting point is 00:25:25 Who's going to go again? I'm going to go again. Okay, I'm going to go with Jeff Fisher. Okay, I'll go with Dick Buckus. Mike Gundy. Okay, and another one. Steve Belichick. Mike Singletary. Nick Saban. And? And there's Joe Gibbs. Oh, that's good. Urban Meyer. Bear Bryant. And Jim Tomsula. Oh, I was going to do Jim Tomsula. God damn it, Hank. Suck it. Fuck you, Hank. Fuck. Now I, fuck, fuck. Oh, I thought you, I thought we could do another one. Mike, I'll stop. Okay. Cower. Oh, the chin. Nice pick, Cower. Nice pick, Cower. Nice pick, Cower. All right. Well, that one's going to be contentious. And we got ourselves one too. We got two. We got two more fresh books. Fuck. B team. Damn. I think Chris Berman. I think my B team could beat some
Starting point is 00:26:22 of your A teams. All right, so. Could Nick Saban beat? Yeah. Could Nick Saban beat the A team that whoever threw out there. I mean, we're going to see. At part of my take, we'll put it up there. It's going to be quite contentious. Wouldn't you say, Liam? Yeah. Yeah. All right. Let's get to our, let's get, let's get to our interview with Pete Prisco. He actually has some great Tom Coughlin stories. Before we do that, the Cash App, the number one app out there, you got to download it. You can get it linked directly to your bank account. You can send money to your friends. You can buy Bitcoin. You can do it all. And if you get the Cash App, you can get the Cash Card with boost discounts. You get discounts at
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Starting point is 00:27:47 going to be like, who are all these people who are downloading the Cash App? Hogan Armbruster. So download the Cash App, tweet us your Cash Tag and you can be eligible to win free money from the Cash App. We're also brought to you by MeUndies. You guys wearing your MeUndies today? Yup. I'm rocking mine every day. Every single day. MeUndies has hooked us up. We get them every single month in a package. It's awesome. They have different designs and they are so, so soft. MeUndies are made with sustainably sourced material from Beechwood Trees. They're naturally soft. Fiber makes a fabric that won't sag down to ride up. Trust me, once you put on a pair, you'll get it because guess what? We did that. We literally like, we weren't MeUndies guys before
Starting point is 00:28:27 this podcast. Once we got MeUndies sent to us, that is all I wear. I have MeUndies up and down my closet. If you're still not sure, MeUndies has a deal for all the listeners. First-time purchasers get 15% off their first pair of MeUndies and free shipping. That's 15% off plus free shipping and a guarantee that you and your MeUndies will be very happy together. Get your butt over to MeUndies.com and treat yourself to get your 15% off your first pair, free shipping, a 100% satisfaction guarantee. Go to MeUndies.com slash take. That's MeUndies.com slash take. MeUndies.com slash take. I'm telling you, they are the softest, most comfortable pair of underwear you will ever own. MeUndies.com slash take. Okay, here he is. Pete Prisco.
Starting point is 00:29:13 All right, we now welcome on Pete Prisco from CBS Sports. He is a bodybuilder. He's been covering the NFL for almost 30 years. He watches the tape and he doesn't give a fuck about your opinions. How's that for an intro, Pete? I love that intro. That's fantastic. Bodybuilders a little much, though. Come on, give me a break. I'm not a bodybuilder. If I was a bodybuilder, I'd have a lot better body. I'm not a bodybuilder. I'm an old man trying to maintain. That's what I am. You and I have a bit of a history together. We kind of butted heads back in the day, like 2013, 2014. You challenged me to a push-up contest. I tried to accept a push-up contest on the air on CBS Sports. You backed out because you're a chicken. Care to comment, chicken? I don't know
Starting point is 00:29:58 if I challenged you to a push-up contest. That was more of you. You wanted me to do it by drinking like one of your MB 40-40 bottles. Mad Dog 2020. You're a chicken. You're a nervous little bird. Jim Harbaugh wouldn't need you. No, I'm not a chicken. There's only two things that scare me in the world. Click, click in my ear and cancer. That's it. Wait, what was the first? Click, click, like if somebody has a gun in your ear. Can you shot, Pete? What the fuck? Where are you going that you're worried about someone pulling a gun on you and going click, click in your ear? You always got to play the bad scenarios at you. I guess so. I guess so. All right, let's talk some NFL. Because like I said in your intro, you do watch the
Starting point is 00:30:37 tape and you put out your, this is why I love you, Pete. You predict every single game in July for the NFL season and then you say, I don't give a, I don't give a rat's ass what anyone thinks about my opinion. It's probably going to be wrong, but I still don't care. So you predict every game. You have, I went through it and I had a couple of ones that I wanted to ask about, specifically the Seahawks. You have them five and 11. So where'd that come from? You know, it's weird that you say that and ask about that one because when I, I do that thing, I play, it takes a while to do it. So you go over and over and play through it and then, you know, adjust it and look at where they're at and who's playing those games and everything. Who's going
Starting point is 00:31:15 to have a good defense? And then I tally it up. And when I tally it up, I look back at it and I go, how the heck did I get to Seahawks at five and 11? Because I didn't think they would be that bad either. But then I went back and looked at it. Their schedule is brutal. I mean, it is really, really tough. And I think those defensive losses are going to be felt. And, you know, for years, and, you know, everybody thinks I'm a Russell Wilson. Hey, you are. You are. You are. No, no, I'm not. I just think he's very good and he's not great. People want to put him in the hall of fame. Well, now we're going to find out. And I'm a big believer. Okay. This is not crazy. But I think they need to give the ball to Russell Wilson and play fast enough tempo and loose and free
Starting point is 00:31:56 and let him do his thing. Because I don't think the defense is going to be nearly as good. That defense and the running game have carried that team and he's only had to, you know, be good enough. I think it's his team. Now he needs to be great. You know where the tape lies, though? This is your problem. So Carson is coming back this year. He broke his leg last year. That guy is going to be an awesome running back. I'm standing on the table officially right now for Chris Carson. You heard it here first. That guy is going to run for like 1200 yards. Hey, you draft a running back in the first round, you know. I don't care. Carson's legit. That sounds like you might not have remembered that.
Starting point is 00:32:29 I don't know who they drafted. No, they drafted some guy that should have gone like the third or fourth round. Who did? Don't tell me I don't remember. He's going to be a good player. You're crazy. You watch by the end of the year. That kid's going to be a dynamic runner. Look, I wouldn't have taken the back in the first round of five of them, but he's a good player. That's the other thing. You hate running backs. You hate them so much. I do. I don't hate them. You guys still hate them. You guys hate everything. I don't hate them. I just dislike them greatly. No, I'm rational about that. Here's the thing. When you draft a running back in the top 10,
Starting point is 00:33:03 he's like a car. As soon as you take them off the lot, it goes down in value. Every year, it goes down in value. Every single one. And people can say that about other players, but that's not necessarily true. When they don't, some guys hit the stride when they're in their, 27 years old or something like that. Running backs are going down right away. I disagree. I disagree because, yeah. Here's why. I actually think that it's a smart strategy to draft a running back and then basically you control them through their best years and you never have to pay them in the free agency market. You draft a ZQL, you run them to the ground, and then when you become, you franchise tag them, you franchise tag them, you let them walk.
Starting point is 00:33:41 Leave you on belt. Same thing. Franchise tag them, franchise tag them, let them walk. So I think that it's actually like the other way around now where it's smart to draft a really good running back and impact running back. And then you basically control them on their slotted guaranteed money and then you can let them walk when they're like 27, 28, and you know they're going to go downhill. You got the theory, right? You just got the execution wrong. Okay. You draft them in the third round like Tamara or Karim Hunt and or Jordan Howley, even later, who's had good years for the Bears, and you run them into the ground, like you said, and then after year five, you let them go. You don't franchise tag them, you let
Starting point is 00:34:19 them go because now they've got so much wear and tear on the tires that they're not the same guy they were. You know, people talk about Bell, oh, next year, he's going to get out on the open market and get this mega deal. Well, you know what? You're going to have 400 more touches on that body after this year. You know, the Steelers, by the way, could transition tag them too if they want to keep them, but you know, you don't pay running backs and the best running backs, yeah, they're especially, they call it Barkley's going to be a really good back. I just don't think the position value is there. Look at the running backs in the Super Bowl last year. You want to go through the laundry list of where they came from, who's who, who wasn't
Starting point is 00:34:52 drafted, and so or late, late round picks. So for me, I just don't think the value of the position is there. Well, speaking of running backs that have some wear and tear, you were just up in Minnesota. Dalvin Cook looks better than he did before he toured ACL. That's what all the report is saying. I don't know if that's true or not, but they know how to regenerate ACLs up in Minnesota, how do you look to you? It's unbelievable. Whatever they do in that facility next door, you know, I want to do that to my entire body. Interesting. My gosh, what, what, I mean, it is unbelievable. 10 months ago, that guy tore that thing off, but you wouldn't believe it. Now he's back and he is quicker and faster. He looks explosive as heck. I mean, he's going to be a
Starting point is 00:35:31 dynamic player for them. I just worry about the quarterback. I mean, is he good enough to get them past where they want a year ago? No, that's the question. The answer is no. The answer is no. You know, I tend to agree with you guys, by the way. I'm not enamored with this game. Well, we watched the tape as well. So rank these quarterbacks for me. These five quarterbacks, Matt Ryan, Matt Stafford, Blake Portals, Andrew Luck, Russell Wilson. I'll go Matt Ryan, Russell Wilson. No, you lie. This is a lie. No, I will. Okay. All right. Okay. Maybe Matt Stafford, Russell Wilson. Yeah, there you go. I would take Matt Stafford. Matt Stafford, Russell Wilson. Which luck is showing up? The one with the, with the good arm or the barrel? You have to guess. It's
Starting point is 00:36:16 your guess as good as ours. I'll say he's got the good arm and he'll be four and then, and then Portals will be five. Okay. So follow up question. Why do you hate Blake Portals? Yeah. Why do you hate him? No, I don't. I'm with you guys on Portals. You guys are exactly right about Blake Portals, by the way. Last year, people ripped him to shreds all season long. He had receivers that didn't know what routes they were running. They were going in the wrong spot. Yeah, people think they closed it down and shut it down in the playoff game against the wingland in the second half because of him. They did that because of the other problems. The offensive line wasn't great and the wide receivers were young kids who didn't know where to go. The other side of that is they
Starting point is 00:36:52 weren't a great running team either. You know, they, they were second to league in, in rushing, but Fournet had the 190 yard run. He kind of petered out halfway through the season and they had a lot of yardage. They tallied up on fake punt. I think it was like a hundred something yard. So they weren't, and he ran the ball. They weren't a great running team. And so for all the coffee takes, he's a much better player than people give credit for. Thank you. Thank you. Appreciate that. So it sounds like you're jumping on the mat, Ryan, bounce back here. Yeah. Cause I think last year was one of the feeling, those feeling out fees with Sarkeesian. Remember the first year you had with Shani and it was a disaster. They hated each
Starting point is 00:37:28 other. Then they finally figured it out in the second year. They learned to coexist and then started unraveling again at the end of the year. But this, this, you know, last year Sarkeesian didn't even get to call play for Julio Jones until week one. He wasn't around. He never called the play for him until week one in Chicago. And so I think this year with Julio Jones is there, healthy, with Calvin Ridley, who by the way, looks really good there and able to stretch the field a little bit. I think it'll be much better off. So you had in your predictions, the Super Bowl as Packers versus Jaguars. Why are you down on the Patriots? Well, not down on the Patriots. Well, no, you don't have them in the Super Bowl. You're down on them. Well, here's why. I'll tell you why. I had
Starting point is 00:38:08 them losing at Jacksonville in week two, which is going to be like a Super Bowl for that city. And then that means that they would go there again in the championship game and they would lose to them again in the championship game. That's why. Interesting. I think the Patriots are going to, you know, as long as Belichick and Brady are there, they're going to be fine. It's just that I don't think they're going to the Super Bowl. I think, I think Jacksonville would, by the way, and it goes back to your quarterback. That, that kid grew up a lot last year in the last, you know, eight weeks in a season and then on into the playoffs. And you know what, when you watch him on the practice field now, different, different guy, close the ball with confidence, doesn't have that little
Starting point is 00:38:43 wide, that bad windup that he used to have, his mechanics are better. And as long as he's playing well, and he's got, oh, by the way, he's got some weapons now too. As long as he's playing well, they're going to be, they're going to be really, really good. Funny how you leave town and then the Jaguars get really good. Coincidence. It's pretty amazing. I'm the, I'm the mush. Just call me the mush. You want to repeat the mush, click, click. I'll see your body type, mush. I was at Packers. I don't know what you're talking about. I saw you playing basketball. That wasn't a pretty sighted, by the way. What, me? Who, me? No. Big cat. Yeah, me. Yeah. Yeah, at least I'm out there. A pound in the pavement. You got no game. You got no game. You're a little
Starting point is 00:39:19 short, you're a little short freak. Who wears, who wears cargo shorts? Cargo, George. Yeah. Pete, do you still have the George's? I don't have George's. No, no. We have forensic evidence of, of you wearing the George's. I located the George's Pacific Sunwear store. You were wearing cargo shorts. I'll tell you what those, I'll tell you what those, those were, were beer can shorts is what they were. Yeah. Yeah. Um, all right. Okay. Okay. I want to get back to big cats fast. I want to get back to big cats fast ball games. Yeah. I give you an A for effort because you try. That's all. There isn't a lot of games. That's all I'm there for. I'm there to set screens, play some defense and box out. I don't make any illusions. What? Right. Oh, I can play. No, I can play. I'm
Starting point is 00:39:59 out there. Uh, let's play a little game for you. Confirm or deny? You ready for it? Yep. Okay. Confirm or deny you once ate, uh, late night pizza with Mark Davis. Confirm. What was that like? Confirm. Uh, he was sitting in, um, in the media lobby at, uh, at the Super Bowl and he had about 12 pizzas ordered in and we were standing there having a few cocktails and I just wandered over and said, Hey, Mark, you mind if I grab a slice and he said, Sure, sit down and have one. So I did. What was that? What'd you guys talk about? No, no, I didn't do a lot of talking. He was talking to a bunch of other people. I just wandered over and grabbed a slice. Oh, that, that, that haircut. Just attracted you like that. Yeah. Nothing like that. Okay. All right. Uh, confirm or deny?
Starting point is 00:40:46 Aaron Rogers is the best quarterback in the NFL. Confirm. Okay. Rank your top three. Oh, really? All he does is he dinks in dunks. Yeah, you're not worried. He's a dinker. He's a dunker. Yeah. He's a big dunk. He's not a dinker. He's not a dinker at a dunk. He drives the ball down the field. You're crazy. No, he does. He's like, Oh, I got Camaro. I'm just going to give him the ball and let him run with it. That's what Drew Brees does. He's not good anymore. No, I think he's good. I just think that he throws a lot of like three yard passes. Who's, who's four and five? Four and five would be Roppersberger, maybe. And then who's five? Rivers, Ryan, Wilson. Okay. Let me ask you this. I like that. Who won the Rivers Eli Manning trade?
Starting point is 00:41:38 Well, two Super Bowls won it. They won it. But you just, you just said Philip Rivers was one of the best top five quarterbacks and Eli Manning wasn't. So. Well, right now he is. Rivers? Do you realize Eli Manning is in a business career like top 10 yards and touchdown passes and he won two Super Bowls and everybody just bags on the guy. I mean, it's okay. You guys, you guys always talk about, everybody talks about how great Russell Wilson is where he got the Super Bowl already. Well, Eli Manning has two and if I'm not mistaken, he's the only, still the only quarterback to come from behind in the fourth quarter. It's two Super Bowls and he's got tons of yards and tons of touchdown passes and all he does is take crap.
Starting point is 00:42:16 It's because he just never closes his mouth. Yeah. His face is bothering me. I just want to flash back to 2015 when you picked the Cincinnati Bengals to win the Super Bowl and had Andy Dalton as your league MVP. Would you care to retract? Oh, always. I forgot that they have problems with coaching in that spot sometimes. Oh, you're going to blame the coach, not yourself. Yeah, I always blame somebody else. All right. So give me this one. So now that we're on Pete Prisco's bad take, bad take machine, uh, this tweet, after breaking down Christian Ponder and Cam Newton on tape, I would take Ponder over Newton. That's just me. Pete Prisco, March 2011. Fumble.
Starting point is 00:43:01 Look, if I, if I got him all right, I'd be the GM of the team. But you know what? Even if I was a GM of the team, like the rest of those guys, they all make mistakes too. Everybody makes mistakes. I mean, look at it. The only difference is when I make the mistakes, it doesn't cost me my job. When they make mistakes, they're all looking for work. True. Okay. All right. Confirmer tonight, speaking of costing your job, a little birdie told me that you once, uh, got fired for not returning a rental car. No, not necessarily. Well, so it sounds like there's a little, give us the whole story there. Not returning. I kept the rental car longer than I was supposed to, but that's not why a couple years.
Starting point is 00:43:45 And wait, why'd you get fired for that? I liked the, I liked the rental car. It was cruising around. Okay. Why'd you get fired for it? No, I didn't. That's not why. That's not why I got fired. I don't even think I got fired. I left. Oh, okay. One of those situations. Got it. All right. It was a conscious uncoupling from you and your paycheck. Yeah. Last, last confirmed we're denied. And then we'll get back to some more football. Uh, a little birdie also told me that you happened to kick the seat in front of you when someone reclines on an airplane. That sounds like a real shitty move by a guy who's what, five, two? Yeah, but I could fight my, I could fight like anybody. I told you that. I, uh, no,
Starting point is 00:44:25 here's what happens. If you put your seat back in front of me and I'm on my laptop doing work and I have my, my tray table out, you know, like back in the old days, we used to have big computers used to jam them up, but now they just slam it back and got no room to work. So what I do is I not only kick the back of the seat, sometimes I bang that keyboard. So, so hard that the guy eventually turns around and looks at me and I said, well, your seat's in my lap. What the hell do you want me to do? Hey, I've got plain stories. You guys think you got, I got plain stories like you never, I could tell them for hours. You're a prolific airport tweeter. Like if you're, if you're on the tarmac for longer than 25
Starting point is 00:45:02 minutes, you get those little fingers working. I was on the tarmac for eight and a half hours. Fort Lauderdale shoot. I got caught in that thing. I get caught in everything. Oh, I got caught. I flew a plane one time. Yeah. Damn. You got delayed. That's, that's tragic. And that's not what I'm saying. It was, it was, it was awful, man. Hey, I was in good manner at that. I helped an old lady and actually pushed the guy around to help her get on the bus. And of course I followed her right in the door.
Starting point is 00:45:34 He was like, oh, let me help this old lady into the life. Getting out of that Fort Lauderdale airport that day, you couldn't walk off the airport. They wouldn't let you. There's no tag. There's no card. So everybody had these like four buses there. And so I'm standing out in the front. I went to the cop. I go, where are the buses? How are we getting out of here? Cause there's thousands of people waiting to get out. And he says, what do you want me to do? Wake up the school, the school bus drivers? And I go, yeah, this is an emergency. Get people out of here. Well, I'm a terminal four. And by the time the buses kept coming, they were all full. Finally I'm standing out
Starting point is 00:46:01 there and this bus comes and I see it coming and it's empty. So it's going to stop right there. So I see it pulling over. I figure, well, what the hell? I'm getting on it. So I walk over and there's this old lady standing there and this guy starts to bull rushing. And I grabbed up. I go, dude, this lady's getting on the bus. Move back. And I grabbed him by the arm and let her walk up. And then I acted like I was with her and walking. That's fantastic. Is that a good Samaritan actor? Is that a selfish? No, I think every good Samaritan act has a little bit of selfishness at its core, if we're being really honest. But I wanted to ask you about, you know, you consider yourself
Starting point is 00:46:36 a tough guy. You know, you got some street sense about you. You can step into a wrestling ring, royal rumble style. It's you, Florio, Schefter and Ian Rappaport, who's walking out of that ring. Oh, that's me. Are you kidding me? That's me. Power rank those four. Florio's also Italian. He is. He's not afraid of that click, click, though. Yeah. Florio's the one who clicks. I always joke around, Mike, I tell him, you know what? I joke around about a seat at Pond up in West Virginia. So I'm sure he's got a big musket that he can shoot everybody with. No, yeah, it would be me. I don't, there's no doubt about that one. Zero.
Starting point is 00:47:16 Okay. Who do you go after first? Well, I let them slap each other. I like that. I like that. Um, all right, Pete, we are big hot seat guys on this podcast. I'm going to throw some coaches names out there. You tell me if they're on the hot seat to start the season or not. You ready? Yep. All right. Mike Tomlin. No, absolutely not. You sure? I thought that's not the Pittsburgh way. No way. Okay. Mike McCarthy.
Starting point is 00:47:44 No, not with the change. No, not warm. No, not warm. Okay. Not with the change over at the top. Nope. Okay. Adam Gase. Nope. Okay. Wow. You can make it through. All right. Uh, Bill O'Brien. Maybe. So that's a warm seat. What about Marvin Lewis? I mean, he just extended them there. He lives in an igloo.
Starting point is 00:48:10 Yeah. I can't, I can't see that happening. Okay. I mean, the only more perfect fit than Marvin Lewis there would be if they brought Jeff Fisher in. Yeah. To Cincinnati. Or brought back huge or Hugh Jackson went on 16 again and they're like, he did some good things. What about Jason Garrett? Hot seat. He is. This is the year he's on the hot seat.
Starting point is 00:48:29 Oh, interesting. I think he's a hot seat. Okay. Yeah, I do. Is Bill Belichick coaching for his job? Yeah, sure. Yeah. It's good. Never. What was John's coach? He'll walk away when he wants to walk.
Starting point is 00:48:41 He'll walk away when he wants to walk. His job is to coach. So he's coaching for his job. What about Jay Gruden? Oh, that's good. He could be on the hot seat. Ooh. Who else do we miss that you, you're hearing mumblings? You know, we never talk about another man's job.
Starting point is 00:48:55 Cutter. Ooh. Their cutter will be, their cutter's on the hot seat. Okay. I refuse to accept that their cutter is actually an NFL coach. What? Well, they're all night. The whole organization's on the hot seat. They got one year left on those deals. They're in trouble.
Starting point is 00:49:07 Yes. So tell us about, like, James Winston, what's the deal? Because it feels like this is the year he and Marriota, like both those guys feel like this is almost a make or break year. What have you seen when you watched the tape between both of those guys? Like, what's wrong and how can they fix it? Well, Marriota was hurt last year by playing in a 1952 offense. I mean, that thing, exotic smash, it was awful. It was a terrible offense.
Starting point is 00:49:32 And so he was hurt by that. So it's hard to gauge him. The problem now is he's got a first-time playcaller on that little floor. So it's going to be interesting. He's going to be an interesting watch this year. Winston's problem is, I mean, on the field, his problem is that he takes too many shots. I mean, you can't win.
Starting point is 00:49:51 Off the field, too. I'm not getting into that. Sometimes you've got to take the check down. Sometimes you just have to take the check down. And he always wants to make the big play. And they've told him over and over again, you can't do that on every play. So that's the biggest problem for him.
Starting point is 00:50:08 Here's a dark horse hot seat for you, Ron Rivera. Even though they were a playoff team a year ago? Yeah. They're changing ownership. Why? Because new coach, I mean, new ownership. Yeah. You're probably going to have a new GM.
Starting point is 00:50:20 Yeah, that one, I don't think so, because he recently got a contract extension, too. You know, these guys don't like paying two coaches. They hate that. Sure. That's why they're rich. That's why they're all rich is because they're smart enough not to pay two coach.
Starting point is 00:50:34 OK. Who's going to be the first rookie quarterback to start a game? Darnold. Ooh. You think he's going to get it? Not Josh Rosen. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:42 What about? I think Bradford's been having a good camp from what I've been hearing from out there. Yes. Yeah. His knee hasn't exploded yet. He's awesome. He's awesome.
Starting point is 00:50:49 Right. Well, OK. Are you guys saying if he's hurt, then he starts? Yeah. No, I think Darnold's going to start sooner rather later. He's a little mini holdout to help him, any. Yeah. You love Josh Allen, too, right?
Starting point is 00:51:01 I do. Dad loved that about you. Makes no sense. I do love Josh Allen. You know, by the way, speaking of you guys, take up for guys that take a lot of abuse. You've got Portals and you've got Allen. Yeah, and Cutler was my guy.
Starting point is 00:51:13 So we get a lot. Yeah, I know you do. You love just pocket passers. He's fantastic on very Cavalieri, too, by the way. Yes, he is. You love pocket passers who aren't named Russell Wilson. Well, he's not a pocket passer. True.
Starting point is 00:51:27 He moves around. True. He leaves clean pockets. But Josh Allen's going to be a good quarterback, though. But I can't figure out for the life of me why that kid takes as much abuse as he does. OK, that's where it weren't good at Wyoming. But if you watch the tape, he was playing with
Starting point is 00:51:38 bouncers and bartenders and the balls were bouncing off their helmets and stuff. They couldn't catch the football. He is going. It might take him a little seasoning, but he's going to be a big time quarterback. He's got that arm. He's got that arm.
Starting point is 00:51:51 Pete, talk to me about my bears real quick. Can we do the whole, hey, look what happened with McVeigh and Goff thing and do that with me? Why not? Come on. You're a year away. Next year, they're going to be. Next year, they will be really good.
Starting point is 00:52:04 But this year, I think it's going to be the feeling out process. You'll take seven and nine if you can get to 12 and four next year, right? If you said the bears were going to be seven and nine right now on July 30th, I'd be like, uh, yeah, where do I sign up? That would be actually exciting football.
Starting point is 00:52:21 To me, that's kind of like the McVeigh Goff thing. I think that offense is going to be really, really exciting with Negi. And what's the offensive coordinator? They don't really know each other though, right? The guy from Oregon? Yeah, Hellfridge. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:32 But they also got, you know, they added the receivers. You know, I think, you know, we'll see what Robinson, I think Robinson can get back to, he's a jump ball receiver. He'll help them. But I think all those guys, you know, getting the tight end will help them. But they often, yeah, if he gets back going,
Starting point is 00:52:47 the offensive line is going to be pretty good. I'm not so sure about that defense though. You know, it's going to take, and I, you know, I just think that there's some holes on defense. But, and again, it's not like, that doesn't happen what happened with the Rams last year. That's kind of an aberration. I think it might take them a year.
Starting point is 00:53:03 Both them and the 49ers. I think the 49ers are your way too. And the next year, both teams are going to be really good. So you're still buying on Trebisky? Oh yeah. Okay. I think he's going to be a good player. Nice.
Starting point is 00:53:13 Yeah, I think he can move. He can make the throw. He's smart. Yeah, he, no, he, yes. The Bears got a good quarterback. That's the right guy. You know, and, but we have to slow down on some of these young quarterbacks too.
Starting point is 00:53:25 Jimmy Garoppolo through seven touchdown passes and five interceptions last year. And he was in the top 100. I mean, that's, in some people, that's ridiculous. Yeah. Deshaun Watson played a small sample side and now he's coming up a second ACL. If he can't move around the way he used to move around,
Starting point is 00:53:40 that means you defend him differently. And so we got to slow down on both those guys. Wait, Jimmy, Jimmy G only through seven touchdowns last year? Yeah. It feels like he threw 20. The way that we talked about. You know what it is? It's, there was that one clip on like the NFL network
Starting point is 00:53:54 where he was miked up on NFL films and they showed him leading that one comeback. And so now that's how easy it is to manipulate people in America. It's like, I thought Jimmy Garoppolo through 26 touchdowns last year because of that one clip. We also might be wrong. When I told you seven and five,
Starting point is 00:54:08 you thought that was crazy, right? It's just amazing. Yeah. It's unreal. Yeah. Well, and also he's playing against like, yeah, if you had, if you had asked us, I would have said 15 touchdowns,
Starting point is 00:54:16 three interceptions and he went seven and L. Yeah. To finish the season. Well, he did win, he did win his game though, but here's the other thing. The day you played Jacksonville out there, the Jaguars learned before they took the field that they had clinched the division
Starting point is 00:54:28 because Tennessee messed up or whatever and they clinched it and they were, they've been traditionally terrible on the West Coast and against the Rams in the final, where you can see the number of the Rams that already clinched everything. They didn't play anybody. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:38 You got to put a little bit of an asterisk there. Okay. All right. The Seeky question. Put in promo code take. You get $10 off. You can go to a Jaguars game. You can go to any NFL game.
Starting point is 00:54:47 Coming up soon, Seeky question, promo code take. Give us the, well, one team in each conference that you see coming, sneaking into the playoffs that weren't there last year. The one team, we always see it. Like one team drops out, one team hops in. Give us that switch. It's usually more, but you know what?
Starting point is 00:55:06 When I played it out, I had a hard time finding them. I really did. I put the Texans and the Broncos in. Okay. Okay. Yeah. I had two and two of them in the AFC. In the NFC, I don't think I had any.
Starting point is 00:55:19 Let me check. I didn't. I don't think you did either. Yeah. No, I did not. Interesting. What would be the team though, that's like right on the edge in your mind, in the NFC that could possibly, you know,
Starting point is 00:55:29 people aren't expecting them to make the playoffs? Is it the 49ers? Is it the Lions? Is it, you know, one of those guys? No, no. Redskins maybe, but I had them at six and 10. Oh, wow. That was another team.
Starting point is 00:55:44 That was another team when I played it out, and they were six and 10. I said, oh, I don't know about that one, but because if there's some of the young players, you know, they're defensive linemen and guys like Payne and Allen, those guys, they play well. They're going to be pretty good on defense, but, you know, and now Smith, is he better than Kirk Cousins?
Starting point is 00:56:00 He's older. He's the same. He's the exact same. He's just three or four years old. I'm with you on that. I think they're the same guy, right? Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, so I don't know.
Starting point is 00:56:07 It's hard. What team do you guys think could be one? The Browns. In the NFC, I could see the Ravens getting in there. Maybe. If Flacco's playing the way they're, you know, everybody's drooling over Flacco because they drafted Lamar Jackson, they say he's motivated, but they could be
Starting point is 00:56:22 one of, they could be. Yeah. Don't sweep on the Bengals either, by the way. You're going to laugh when I tell you that. The Bengals have a chance. No, because they got young talent on defense. Lawson and Willis and guys like that, and then, you know, the defensive line is going to be really good.
Starting point is 00:56:38 And, and then you go to the offense. I mean, they're going to get guys back healthy. If I can ever get back on the field, the running back mixing is going to be a good player. And that offensive line, which has been a disaster for years, I think it'll be better with getting Cordy Glenn in there as well. So, yeah, it does feel like a year where the Bengals
Starting point is 00:56:53 will make the playoffs and lose in the first round. Every other year, yeah. Yeah, they might be like, what, nine and seven, sneak in and then get beaten in the first round. Then they'll give Marvin Lewis a 10-year extension at that point. Yeah, they're never going away. Seriously, with the Browns, I do think they're going to win seven games this year.
Starting point is 00:57:06 But to answer your question, who would I pick out of the AFC that didn't make the playoffs last year? I think the Texans. Right. Well, and the Broncos. I mean, you're two picks. So, the Broncos were a victim of complimentary football in my mind last year.
Starting point is 00:57:18 I watched, I remember I bet on the Broncos against the Bills in like week four when that offense couldn't do anything and that defense knew they had to pitch a shutout, it all kind of fell apart. Yeah, it was two, and talking to those defensive players, it drained them, man. I mean, they didn't work out anything.
Starting point is 00:57:34 Yeah. It really did. I think, I'm with you. I think, because I think Keenum's better than people getting credit for too. In fact, when I was in Minnesota the other day, I asked this question to some of the guys standing around, I go, is Kirk Cousins, as is right now,
Starting point is 00:57:46 that much better than the Case Keenum you guys saw here last year? The answer's no. I mean, it's some legitimate questions. No, the answer is Case Keenum played really well last year. Yeah, Case Keenum's peak is what you're going to probably get out of Kirk Cousins. Kirk Cousins, Case Keenum and Alex Smith
Starting point is 00:58:00 was just a three-way swap for an average quarterback. I'm with you. I would tend to agree with you. Duplicate player. Here's my Seat Geek question, my Peak Geek question for Pete Prisco. How much have you benched these days? I'm not lifting as much anymore.
Starting point is 00:58:12 I told you, I got a high anal hernia. I can't lift that much. High anal hernia? Sounds like it. Not a high anal hernia, a high anal hernia. Look it up. A high anal hernia. High anal hernia.
Starting point is 00:58:21 It's lifting. So it's at the top of your colon. So where's your ass? It's at the top of my colon. My colon is in my ass. Yeah. High anal. Okay.
Starting point is 00:58:30 Yeah, high anal hernia. By the way, you guys are about time for your first colon off, aren't you? No. When is that? No. 40. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:38 50. No, 50. 50, right? I'm all we got a long time. It's 40. It's 44. Your doctor coming over with the petroleum jelly and saying, oh, it's this time.
Starting point is 00:58:47 No, I'm going dry. I'm going to go dry when I do it. 40 is when we start getting physicals again. Yeah. Wait, I want to hear Pete's story about getting his prostate checked. Yeah. Please tell us, Pete.
Starting point is 00:58:57 Okay. All right. One day, and by the way, my doctor's name was Dr. Butcher, if you ever want to have a great day. So I'm standing there and getting ready for that. I put this, I didn't tell him I did this, but you know, you're standing there and you go, I go, I guess we're done, huh?
Starting point is 00:59:12 And I look over and you've got the tube with jelly over there. And I'm like, you know, we're not. I know. All right. Sorry. I put a do not enter sign. You're like, you're like a prank ready for you. You're like a walking big dog shirt.
Starting point is 00:59:30 I love it. That's how you live your life. He cracked up a laugh and go loudly. He said, okay, we'll just go with the blood work. Oh, there you go. Oh, so it actually worked? Yes, you got rid of it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:41 Yeah, it worked. Nice. That is, by the way, that is the, it's like the, I'd rather have a colonoscopy every day of the week than have that done once. Oh man. All right. Pete, last question.
Starting point is 00:59:55 We'll end with this. Give us your best Tom Coughlin story. You spent a lot of time covering those Jaguars teams in the late 90s early aughts. Tell us like what kind of guy Coughlin was and maybe your best Tom Coughlin story. Well, hey, back then he was a maniac. Okay.
Starting point is 01:00:13 I love him now. And we have a great relationship, but he was absolutely nuts. Okay. Here's a great Tom Coughlin story. The first year they go to Stephen's point with Constance for training camp because he thought it was going to be cool. Six weeks, they started July 6th.
Starting point is 01:00:29 Think about that because they played the Hall of Fame game six weeks and it was like a hundred degrees every day. So they train there. They play preceding games and they have to go to Miami for a preceding game. But instead of breaking camp, he decides to go back for another week to beat the daylights out of them. And then they went to the Silver Dome to play the Lion.
Starting point is 01:00:47 Well, the Silver Dome had no air conditioning. And when they were playing the game, it was about a hundred in that place. And they were got destroyed. And Coughlin is so, they're so pissed at Coughlin. I go into the locker room and every one of them goes, it's our legs, Pete. It's our legs.
Starting point is 01:01:04 He killed us. So I write this story and file it for Friday's paper. Well, I fly home the next day on Friday. I had been home at six weeks. My brother picks me up. We have a bunch of us friends. We go out. We have a good time.
Starting point is 01:01:17 We're drinking. Well, Saturday morning, at six o'clock, I live with my brother and he knocks on the door and he goes, Coughlin. And I pick up the phone and he goes, where'd I go? Hello? Yeah, because I feel like crap.
Starting point is 01:01:30 And he goes, you are better than screaming at me. Don't you ever give those guys an excuse. And I go, what are you talking about? And he goes, you're starting a paper yesterday. You gave him an excuse. Don't give him an excuse. He's berating me on the phone before I can even get anything out. And I go, Tom, do I call your house at two o'clock in the morning?
Starting point is 01:01:50 No. I go, good. Don't call mine. Quick. And I hung up. Don't give him an excuse is great, too. Like not actually saying, hey, what you wrote is wrong. Or like, I didn't beat the crap out of their legs.
Starting point is 01:02:01 Just saying, please don't let them come up with excuses. I imagine Tom Coughlin has like a rolodex of journalists that he calls every morning that are making excuses for his guys. Yes. Yes. Hey, by the way, here's a great call for this. This is just how crazy he was. And this, this one, I share this one with everybody.
Starting point is 01:02:17 Because Jeff Law, he had a- No, no, no, no, no, no. This is exclusive. So you've never said this before. You know, okay. But he has a rule book, okay? A rule that he hands out to the players every year, in fact, that. And in the rule book, it said you had to wear a tie on the road.
Starting point is 01:02:34 Well, Jeff Logganon, who was always pushing back on him because he was the player rep. Where's the tie? But it's a bolo tie. And so Coughlin walks up to him and gives him the call for fading. You know, tie, you know, you know, wear that tie. And Logganon goes, it is a tie. It's a bolo tie.
Starting point is 01:02:55 And when the next year, in the rule book, it said cloth tie is all. That's awesome. I like it. Attention to detail. That's right. It's it. A bolo tie is literally a second stringer. Yes.
Starting point is 01:03:05 You can't go into that mentality. Yes. I'm telling you. The stories are endless. He once drafted a kid with a mow. I was trying to kill with a mohawk. Had the kid cut the mohawk and then caught him. That's awesome.
Starting point is 01:03:21 He's just cleaning up the streets one one player at a time. Yeah. He's fixing the younger generation. It was like everything and anything that was anti-called. Like we had a guy that I worked with, John Osho. You have a little ponytail on the back. He now works with a jar of wires. Coughlin would look at that thing with such this stain every week.
Starting point is 01:03:37 Unbelievable. Oh, man. I just love the mohawks. I was a guy that was there every single day. And I never missed prayer. Well, one time I got food poisoning at this little place around the corner over there. And it was a Friday and I couldn't go.
Starting point is 01:03:51 And that was the day I only had my time with him. You know, it was just being him. So Osho walks over to him and he goes, you know, I got to get with you today because Pete's not here. And he looked at him and he goes, yeah, he's got food poisoning. And Coughlin just looked at him and went, oh, that's a blow. So you're heading out to California now. Is that right?
Starting point is 01:04:11 Yeah. Going to see the Rams on Wednesday and then the Chargers on Thursday. All right. Sounds good. Safe travels. Hopefully you don't have any flight delays. But if you do, you know where to reach me. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:21 Or anybody put in their damn seat back in front of me. Yeah. Make sure maybe take a video of your method and tweet it out for the people. I will. I got to believe me. I'm good at that. You know, I've gotten into some account. I don't get into fights and play, but I'm not afraid to tell somebody, hey,
Starting point is 01:04:39 you know, the armrest game. I play that one too. Some old man. With a little T-rex. Some old man was sitting next to me in a flight from Atlanta less, about four months ago and he starts elbowing my arm, like giving it to me. So I stood up and I go, dude, you ain't winning that one. And next thing I know, so I felt so bad.
Starting point is 01:04:59 I backed the old man down and I had to apologize to him. Oh man. All right, Pete. Thank you so much. Everyone check out Pete. CBS Sports. He does some of the best stuff on the NFL and he watches the tape. And he watches the tape.
Starting point is 01:05:14 He watches the tape. He likes Christian Ponder more than Cam Newton. That's what the tape told him. Bring back to George Pete. No, never. I got bonobos now. All right. Thanks, man.
Starting point is 01:05:26 Appreciate it. That was fun. That interview with Pete Prisco was brought to you by Lisa. A quality night's sleep helps you recover from distractions faster. It prevents burnout. You can make better decisions. You improve your memory and overall make fewer mistakes. It's not marketing.
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Starting point is 01:07:05 And our listeners can try it for free at ziprecruiter.com slash PMT. That's ziprecruiter.com slash PMT. ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. All right, let's get to some segments. First up, we have Bachelor Talk for guys that don't watch The Bachelor. Are we done? Are we close to done? Close to done.
Starting point is 01:07:25 Last night was the Men Tell All episode. I'm ready to be done. Finally, guys can talk freely. Yep, so all the people that have been eliminated, they come, they discuss the season, reflect, whatever. Why can't we say certain words? That's what they're probably, the guys talk all. Like, hey, why can't men just do whatever they want all the time?
Starting point is 01:07:45 Oh, wait, we already do that. Becca, at the end, says she's still friends with Tia, even after Tia admitted to still having feelings for Colton. That doesn't sound like men telling all that sounds like... I gotta write this down. Say it again. Tia, Becca, and Tia. Becca says she's still friends with Tia,
Starting point is 01:07:59 even after Tia admitted to still having feelings for Colton, who is the Virgin. Yeah, of course. Colton's still in it. He's a chick magnet. See, I wrote that down for you. No, this is all the people that, this is everyone that was in the season come back.
Starting point is 01:08:10 Becca goes to Tia, Tia goes to cut. Oh, they all come back. Yeah, it's like, you know how they do like the reunion shows? It's like a reunion show before the season ends. But wait, Colton likes Becca? Colton is the Virgin. Likes Becca. Tia likes Becca.
Starting point is 01:08:22 Colton thought he was gonna... He told her he's a Virgin, thinking she was gonna bring him into the sweet honeymoon. Good strategy. Didn't happen. Last night, I wasn't watching. Is Tia a guy or a girl? Tia's a girl.
Starting point is 01:08:32 Okay. I wasn't watching, but it was on in another room, and I heard this part. Oh, yeah. Absolutely hilarious. Just on another room. Colton, they were asking about the whole Virgin thing, and he said the Virgin thing really rattled him,
Starting point is 01:08:43 because people kept calling him a pussy, because he's never seen one. That's a fucking grape. That's pretty good. As he was crying, he was crying. He was literally crying, and he was like, people keep calling me a pussy, because I've never touched one.
Starting point is 01:08:56 That's such a good bird. Holy shit, dude. That was not worth going on The Bachelor. He should have come back with, well, you are what you eat, so I can't be a pussy. Oh, my God. That's such a bad fucking bird. What I'm thinking, though, Colton,
Starting point is 01:09:08 if he plays his cards right, he could be the first guy ever to lose his virginity in a threesome. You think that's true? I feel like a lot of... Maybe like Einstein. Einstein, I think... He fucked his cousin and someone else.
Starting point is 01:09:21 FDR. Yeah, true. Yeah, he had the iron lung in there, too. People don't talk about that enough. Einstein married his cousin. The smartest guy in my ass. The fan favorite grocery store Joe, who was eliminated the first night,
Starting point is 01:09:32 he returned to a standing ovation. Wait. God, it's like Jimmy Garoppolo. I totally forgot what grocery Joe... Why was he grocery Joe? He works at a grocery store. He good at grocery stores. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 01:09:42 It's pretty simple. Okay. Hey, make sure to double bag it, Joe. Probably gets that a lot. Yep. That's it. That's it? All right, what a shitty season
Starting point is 01:09:50 the bachelor's was done with this season. I'm considering not doing this segment anymore just because how disappointed I am with the producers of the show. Damn. So annoying. Okay, we have John Gruden Time Machine. So it's a...
Starting point is 01:10:03 As you probably know, we do this segment when John Gruden has come back to coaching and he has not learned how to adapt to 2018 NFL. And we have a perfect case of that with the Raiders. Titan and Jared Cook was born in 1987. John Gruden is showing team football film that is older, he said.
Starting point is 01:10:22 He's bringing out film from 1976 when you ain't even think they had film. Grainy film where you can barely see the players added some of play's schemes originate there. I love it. It's insane. I love it. I mean, maybe he's so far in the past
Starting point is 01:10:38 that he's actually in the future. Like, there aren't any other coaches out there that are willing to go that far back in history. So it's stuff that's new. So no forward pass. What's old is new again. I think John Gruden is going to be such a disaster for the Raiders,
Starting point is 01:10:57 but I am so excited to watch it. Yeah, it's going to be an incredible football to watch. It's going to be three yards in a cloud of dust. They're going to get figured out by week three. Try to stop us. Yeah, try. So we're going to be tougher than you. That's his whole thing.
Starting point is 01:11:08 He's like, I love how he's trying to relate to millennials too. He's like, he's going to play like Fortnite with them. Yeah. You guys like Fortnite? Oh, no way. No, what he's going to do is he's going to be like, you like Fortnite? How about what does that mean?
Starting point is 01:11:20 Like a sleepover in Alcatraz? Yeah, we'll lock you guys up there. How about you guys don't get to eat food for two weeks? Yeah, that's that's my version of Fortnite. Yeah, I tell you what, I'm going to lock you guys in this room and only one person is going to come out alive. Yeah, that's my. You guys love Fortnite.
Starting point is 01:11:33 Um, we have I want I wanted to add this one. P. F. D. The owners should pay for their own stadium. A segment that we'll throw out there. You bleep that please. This is just a little shout out to the people of Milwaukee in Wisconsin. So apparently the Bucks have a new stadium and they sold naming rights.
Starting point is 01:11:52 So the Bucks have a new stadium that the public has paid for $250 million from taxpayer money. Then the stadium sold the naming rights to a software company. Fun. The same software company that got subsidies government funding to stay in Wisconsin and not relocate their headquarters. So the government paid the software company,
Starting point is 01:12:12 the software company then took that money and then paid the owners of the stadium, which the people also paid for. So the people of Wisconsin own the stadium. They get fucked both ways. But if so facto, their money paid for the stadium. Yeah. So means you can do whatever you want once you're inside.
Starting point is 01:12:29 Here's the deal. You can have taxpayer funded stadiums. If you let us drink beer in the fourth quarter. Yeah. Or it's just international waters. Yes. No laws inside the state. Night fights.
Starting point is 01:12:41 Yeah. Anything you want. You can fight the players if you want. But that's the rule. Taxpayers pay for the stadium. They get to decide the rules. That's a hell of a scheme though. Unreal scheme.
Starting point is 01:12:51 Unreal scheme. That's, I mean, we need to get into this business of just getting money from the government and then using that to pay for stadium naming rights. I just want to say if we don't get government funding, part of my take is packing up shop. Relocating. We're relocating.
Starting point is 01:13:05 Buenos Aires. So yeah, we could do Buenos Aires or Uruguay. Uruguay. Uruguay. Yeah. We're going to Uruguay. We're going to Uruguay with Suarez. People don't start just sending us money.
Starting point is 01:13:14 Yeah. So send us some money or else we're out of here. Yeah. We're done. Okay. We have a last up before guys on chicks. We have a herder injured for the blocking sled in Arizona. Chandler Jones broke a blocking sled in half,
Starting point is 01:13:28 which don't say what you think you're going to say. I mean, the Jones family has issues sometimes with things. If you know what I'm saying, John Jones, whatever. But that was a fucking impressive video. That was really impressive. I'm a little bit woke on this too, because why do you have a camera that's filming this? It was at a cool angle too.
Starting point is 01:13:49 It was like a GoPro. You're not working on the off season and filming it. No, but he wasn't. What are you doing? It wasn't him. It was the team. Good point. And it was tweeted out by the team account.
Starting point is 01:13:57 So I'm a little bit woke. He broke it. You know what it looked like? It like snapped apart at the mooring. It looked like Sam Bradford just getting tackled by the knees. That's how big of a snap off this was. Careful. That's my guy.
Starting point is 01:14:08 I don't want to jinx him. He's a future Hall fan. Yeah, the Cardinals won that trade with the Eagles. No, I'm very woke on it. I don't know. I think I'm leaning towards fake on it. Okay. All right.
Starting point is 01:14:22 That's, I mean, I don't really know what they, I guess they get the buzz. You need some buzz. They got a lot of buzz going. You get some buzz. There's nothing like that good, sweet buzz on the internet. Well, it's also a dangerous game, because you're going to see a lot of guys
Starting point is 01:14:34 trying to just break their equipment so they don't have to practice anymore. True. This looks like I just reviewed it for the first time. It's a GoPro camera that looks like it's there all the time. So it's not like they were specifically filming it for this one shot.
Starting point is 01:14:45 They just, after he was so strong and broke the sled, they went back and took the footage. Interesting. Right. Interesting. So you think they have that, they're just filming the blocking sleds at all times? It's kind of weird.
Starting point is 01:14:56 Interesting. But it's not like- Don't they have one of those shows? Aren't they on like Amazon or some shit? No, that was three years ago. But okay, that's point still stands. Maybe the cameras are still there. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:15:06 They forgot to take all the cameras away. Okay. All right. Well, you're slowly convincing me. It is a weird angle though because you could make the argument that they're like looking at their technique, but it wasn't from an angle that you could figure out someone's technique. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:15:20 It's like behind the sled. Exactly. It wasn't, it's not usable for coaching. Right. You'd put it, if you wanted technique, it'd be like above the sled. It's all, yeah. Speaking of sleds and cinematography,
Starting point is 01:15:30 it reminds me of like Citizen Kane. Are they going to come out next week and say the sled's name is Rosebud? Is this like a big long thing that they're playing on us? Everyone's getting that reference. Yeah. All right. Let's do guys on chicks. There's all, shout out to,
Starting point is 01:15:45 shout out to all the dads listening who were like, yeah, PFT. Citizen Kane. I read that movie. I took that elective in high school. Quick, quick guys on guys, this kid damned and said, I'm having a meeting to discuss sex with my girlfriend's dad. Any power moves I should try.
Starting point is 01:16:02 Yeah. Don't just don't have that meeting. Get a new girl, run away. That sounds... Break up with her. How does that conversation even start? Like what, I want to sit you down and talk to you about fucking my daughter. He's like, boy, I'm going to work with you on your stroke.
Starting point is 01:16:17 Oh my God. We need an update from that guy. Please. Actually, you know what? Is he a GoPro? Yeah. Get Arizona Cardinals GoPro and film that entire conversation. Is he going to give you technique tips? Is he going to be like, listen.
Starting point is 01:16:29 Don't. She only comes on top. Yeah. So you have to be patient. She really likes reverse cowgirl. That's really what she's into. What's your tongue like? Let me see that mobility.
Starting point is 01:16:38 Yeah, yeah. Here. Here, lick this lollipop. I want to see how, I want to see it in action. Gentlemen, Bubba. I have a FWB who insists on reminding me that we are just friends after we hook up. The terms of this friendship are very clear and mutual. Why does he do this?
Starting point is 01:16:54 I don't even have his number saved in my phone slash am not the one to initiate. Kind of makes me feel bad about myself. So you don't have his number saved in your phone. But you're fucking him. Friends with benefits. Sounds like a good set up. I think you need to just tell him that.
Starting point is 01:17:10 Because it sounds like he's thinking that you're pressed over him. For some reason, this guy thinks like he's kink shit. So next time he says that, just be like, yeah, I don't even have your number saved. Yeah, just be like, hey, what are you doing later? Hold on, let me get your number real quick. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:17:22 Right after you have sex. Mm-hmm. Just be like, I haven't put it in my phone. Or next time he texts you, just be like, who's this? That's a good idea. Yeah, how do you not have the guys, are you friends with benefits with like a homeless person? What's going on here?
Starting point is 01:17:36 How do you not have the guys phone? I mean, I don't know. She says she doesn't have it saved. Yeah, I've been in that position before. You reach a certain point in a text relationship with a friend where it becomes awkward for you to actually go in and add a contact. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:17:50 I know that area code. I know who this is. Well, and it's also fun. There's people that you text with once or twice, and you're like, I'm never going to save this number. And then they text out of the blue, and you have to go like, you're almost like a sleuth. You're like, who is this?
Starting point is 01:18:00 What was this conversation? I had six months ago. Then you're like, hey, how do you spell your name again? Yeah. And then they have to tell you their name. Oh, I thought it was Jonathan with an H. Bob. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:18:09 Still Bob. Subcuttle monster PMT. I don't know. I'm not sure what that means. That's all of us. We'll all cuddle you. Well, that was my Mount Rushmore. Right.
Starting point is 01:18:17 That's what I wanted. But she said PMT. Yeah, she wants us to cuddle. She meant PFT. She wants us to suffocate her in cuddles. Yeah. Let's spoon. Why do girls have better handwriting than guys?
Starting point is 01:18:29 Because guys, their wrist muscles are always cramped up from drinking off too much. I always get made fun of because I have good handwriting. So I don't even know the answer to this. I just know that I paid attention in second grade. Hey, boys, if my ex-boyfriend still lets me use his Amazon Prime account, but we don't talk at all, does he still love me? Well, let's.
Starting point is 01:18:47 OK, listen, this is, well, this is an issue that I think we can need to explain to the women out there. There are things that you sign up for as a guy that really, like the only thing that will stop you from paying for it is if your credit card, if you get a new credit card, I'm paying for ESPN Insider for like 15 years now, and I have not used ESPN Insider for 14 years. And I'm still getting like $6.99 every single month.
Starting point is 01:19:12 And I just, I could cancel it, but it's more of a hassle to cancel something. So I think he just doesn't even know. That's why I came up with my invention for like an app that plugs into your bank account that's like, hey, shithead, you're still paying for Planet Fitness and you don't live within 200 miles of one. Speaking of which, I have a Planet Fitness membership
Starting point is 01:19:29 that I signed up for. Remember when I signed up for three months ago? Same. Yeah. I've been once. Really? Yeah. I've, yeah, I haven't been to Planet Fitness in like a year.
Starting point is 01:19:37 Well, the thing is I, I signed up, they make you give first months and second and last month. Ever since they told me I can't work out naked in there. It's like, what's the point? Well, what I did was I went to it and then I realized they didn't have cell phone service in the basement. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:19:49 So it's like, okay. It's like, well, what am I here for? What's the point of going to the gym if you can't sit on the bench and look at Twitter the whole time? Or just go to the gym, take some pre-workout, sit on the toilet and just shit for 20 minutes, sweating, and then tweet and then go home. Right.
Starting point is 01:20:02 That's also a workout. Wait, what was the question again? Yeah. Amazon Prime? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Sounds like a cool guy. He loves you.
Starting point is 01:20:07 He loves you. Yeah, you guys are going to get married. Hey guys, especially Liam. Sup. It's been 50 days and I still haven't gotten my period. My boyfriend and I only had unprotected sex one time since my last period, but I'm starting to get worried.
Starting point is 01:20:19 Am I pregnant? 50 days? Yeah, no, you're fine. You're fine. It's fine. It's nothing. I'm puking in the morning just randomly, but I wasn't drinking the night before.
Starting point is 01:20:28 It's a lot, I feel like. I feel like that's a maybe go check that thing out. But I, you know what? If you get it checked out, you might get an answer you don't want to hear. Exactly. Ignorance is bliss, so credit to you for being like, hey, I've just put on some weight. Yeah, you know, a human being growing inside your stomach,
Starting point is 01:20:43 but you never actually confirmed that that's what's happening. Just drink more beer. Don't do that. No, don't do that. Don't do that. My boyfriend always tries to give me advice when I inventing about work. Why is this a thing?
Starting point is 01:20:55 Is it that hard to listen without trying to resolve it? Yeah, because we want to end the conversation. And so the only way to end the conversation is to solve it. Yeah. So, but the only, there's like one hiccup in this plan, and that's that guys really suck at solving things. Right. So he's giving you a lot of really shitty advice,
Starting point is 01:21:14 but his heart's in the right place. Yeah, you have to understand guys like problem solving for us, even if we're really bad at it, problem solving makes us feel like big, strong, masculine men. Yeah. Like, hey, here's a damsel in distress. You're basically the cartoon. You're like tied up on a railroad track,
Starting point is 01:21:29 being like, oh, my co-worker has really bad breath. And we're like, oh, we'll save you. So just let him pretend that he can save you. Yeah. We're like MacGyver trying to invent a way to fix your problem with just like a piece of string and like a piece of like some old chewing gum. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:21:44 So just tune him out because he probably tunes you out and just never actually have a meaningful conversation. What you have to do, you have to start solving his solve and just be like, here's why you're an asshole and an idiot for trying to solve it this way. Or just do exactly what he says and then come back the next day and be like, hey, you got fired. And then he'll never solve the problem again.
Starting point is 01:22:01 That's it. I have a question quickly. Do you guys like, do you guys know how to like hang shit up in your house? Like when you guys move? Like are you? Yeah. Do you guys the ones that do that?
Starting point is 01:22:08 What? TV no. TV? Yeah. Oh, too. That's pictures. Yeah. Wall mount?
Starting point is 01:22:12 Well, first thing you guys do is get a stud finder. Yeah. Well. And after it's done pointing at me, then you put it on the wall. Yeah. Get it? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:22:19 We got it. Yeah. That was a good one. I should say PFT might have hung his one TV. I have three. So it's three in the living room. So I, you know, yeah, Hank, you should definitely have someone else do the TV.
Starting point is 01:22:31 You can do the art. Do you have art? I have a frame Tom Brady picture game. Of course you do. Of course you do. You can do that. You can for sure to get a level. It's like cost you two bucks at the Home Depot.
Starting point is 01:22:42 Get a level. You can make sure you don't do the thing where you have it too low or too high. Yeah. Don't eyeball it. Yeah. Just and then, but get someone else do the TV. Don't be ashamed to have someone else come in because it
Starting point is 01:22:52 feels like good. Like, okay, now you got it perfect. Here's a little tip. If you're going to get something framed, make sure it's one of the frames that just has like the string in the back. Not the multiple areas that you have to hang it up because if it's just got the string,
Starting point is 01:23:03 you just hammer a nail into the wall. Hank's going to have holes all over his wall. It's going to be awesome. Send us a picture of his Swiss cheese. Hank's wall. All right. We will see everyone on Friday. Love you guys.
Starting point is 01:23:51 Take on me. Take on me. I'll be gone. Don't need less to say. I'm not so near. Spend with me. Stop playing away. Learning that the life is okay.
Starting point is 01:24:17 Very good. Say after me. It's not better to be safe than sorry. Take on me. Take on me. Take me. Oh, take on me. I'll be gone.
Starting point is 01:24:37 Here I take on me. I'll be gone. Here come the flanks here. Oh, the flanks that you say. Isn't a life for just to play my worries away. You're all the things I got to remember. Trying to wait. I'll be coming for your love anyway.
Starting point is 01:25:29 Take on me. Take on me. Take me. Oh, take on me. I'll be gone. Here I take on me. Take on me.

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