Pardon My Take - NFL W/ Pete Prisco + Mt Rushmore Of Football Guys
Episode Date: August 1, 2018Rick Pitino has a book coming but we're not going to make those jokes (2:25-4:55). MLB Trade Deadline and who is ALL IN (4:56-6:43). Draymond vs Tristan Fight (6:44-9:26). Hot Seat/Cool Throne (9:27-1...8:09). Mt Rushmore of Football Guys (18:10-26:37). CBS Sports' Pete Prisco joins the show to talk about the upcoming NFL season, ranking his favorite quarterbacks, Tom Coughlin stories, and the time he ate late night pizza with Mark Davis (29:03-1:05:15). Bachelor talk for guys that don't watch the Bachelor (1:07:07-1:09:56), Jon Gruden's time machine (1:09:47-1:11:25) Owners should pay for their own fucking stadium (1:11:26-1:13:08), hurt or injured Arizona Cardinals blocking sled (1:13:09-1:15:40), and Guys on Chicks (1:15:41-1:22:52). You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake
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Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or
YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. On today's part in my take,
we have Pete Prisco from CBS Sports talking football, great Tom Coughlin stories, and we do
a little predictions for the 2018 NFL season. We also have a, should I say it? Do you think it will
be about Rushmore? Of football guys that could prove to be very dramatic. We also have guys on
checks and bachelor talk. Before we get to all that, we all know that afternoon feeling when
we're battling to get through the day. You get really tired. You're like, man, will this day ever
end? The issue always is we have so much more to do and with so much going on in an empty stomach,
it's difficult to know where to start. That's where the new Dunkin' Run menu can help. The Dunkin'
Run menu has the perfect snacks to get you through the afternoon. They have a variety of snacks for
only $2 that will help you get through the day. Tell me what you like here, PFT. I'm going to read
some things off for you. Donut fries? Gluten-free brownie? Yeah, I love gluten-free brownies.
Pretzel bites, ham and cheese rollups. Had one of those earlier today. Waffle breaded chicken
tenders, which I've been gnashing on the last couple of days and they've been delicious. Next
time you hit that 2pm wall and you aren't sure if you can make it through the day, then it's time to
make a Dunkin' Run and grab the perfect afternoon pick-me-up. Pick up Big Cat's favorite waffle
breaded chicken tenders and don't let the afternoon struggles ruin your day. Go on a Dunkin' Run.
America runs on Dunkin'. Barstool runs on Dunkin'. That'd be me, Hank. The waffle breaded chicken
tenders, those are my favorite. Alright, check them out. The new Dunkin' Run menu. $2. All those
snacks. Give that pick-me-up in the afternoon. Okay, let's go.
All on this one. Oh, no. We're gonna rock it down to
Electric Avenue. And then we'll take it higher. Oh, we're gonna rock it down to
Electric Avenue. It's part of my take. Presenting by Barstool Sports.
Welcome to Part of My Take, presented by SeekGeek. Today is Wednesday, August 1st,
and, boys, our ass is in the jackpot because we're gonna have to read a book.
Which, oh, I know where you're going with this one.
We're gonna have to read a book. Rick Petino has a memoir coming out called Petino.
If I did it. Well, I did do it. If I came, here's how quick it would have been.
I actually heard that the pre-release is going really well for him.
Really? Nice. Petino, my story. So I'm gonna say this, guys. I know we joke about how we're gonna
do a book club and, like, we're gonna read this movie. I think what we're gonna do...
Did you say we're gonna read this movie? Yeah, we're gonna read this movie. We're
gonna wait for the movie to come out. I'm gonna watch this book.
Yeah, we're gonna watch this book. So I think what we need to do is we are going to...
Actually, the movie already came out. Is that one scene from American Pie?
Get it? It's a prequel. We're gonna read one chapter a week,
and then we're gonna do 15-second movie reviews. Okay. Hold this to it. Hank, why are you...
Don't... Now, that's negative energy, Hank. Because Hank was about to say,
I thought we don't make those jokes anymore. Well, guess what, Hank? When you're served up a platter
of steamy rick sauce like this, you gotta suck it down, okay? We take it. He is putting...
His verbatim quote was, I'm gonna lay all the cards on the table. Yes. And usually he lays
things under tables, but we'll deal with on the tables as well. I'm actually more looking forward
to his explanations, like, that have to do with all the stuff besides the restaurant.
Oh, well, I'll tell you, he trusted too much. He will apologize, even though he did nothing wrong,
but just a pre-apology, like, hey, here's my apology for nothing. And I just can't get enough
of all the tweets saying, Rick Petino's memoir coming soon. I just... It's... Call me... Call
me sophomore. Call me juvenile. I don't care. I love it. It already came. Yes. So, we're gonna do it.
Hold us to it. What? Tell me... Hank, you have to read. I'm gonna fight back every single time.
I was thinking that this would be a great opportunity, like, to do some viral marketing.
Maybe have the pages be laminated was my thought. Yes, I like that. Just like a little wink and a
nod. Yeah, a little... Maybe just have a raincoat over them. Just carry it around. We're gonna do it.
God damn it, we have to come through with one of these sometimes. So, it's actually coming out
in hardcover, but the books, they turn into softcovers as soon as you touch them. Nice, nice.
We don't make those jokes anymore. No, we're not gonna make those jokes. Should we talk about
the MLB trade deadline? The best deadline in all of sports, but now teams just do their trades
like a week before, so it wasn't that exciting. Help me out here. So, there is a trade deadline.
I get that, but it seems like every year there's a trade deadline that comes and goes, and then
there's another trade that happens after the trade deadline. Oh, yeah, like you can wave team, wave
players and all that shit. Is that the player to be named later? Yeah, I'm not fully sure about
that. I just know that the trade deadline had a lot of juice when we woke up in the morning, and then
Mike Rizzo said Bryce Harper not being moved, and we're like, well, fuck, man. Like, could you at
least wait till four o'clock so we could think it was gonna happen? Yeah, it took all the suspense
out, and I'm, as a Nats fan, I guess I can say I'm a Nats fan now. Yeah, Natitude. As one who
possesses Natitude, I think they probably should have traded him. My guess is they just got a bunch
of shitty offers for him because he sucks us here. No offense, Bryce. Well, if you get him, you know,
you do, you rent him for a couple months, then maybe he loves the scenery, but the big trade
movers, the Brewers added a couple guys, the Braves added someone, the Phillies, Chris Archer
went to the Pirates, which the Pirates are going for it. I love, my favorite part about the trade
deadline is you can figure out who's going for it, who's not. Are you buying or selling? The Orioles,
not going for it. I don't even think they have 30 wins right now, so they're not going for it. Are
the Red Sox all in? Did they get anybody? They got Kinsler, I think. The Cubs already did their move
with Hamels, got a couple relief pitchers, so everyone's all in. The Yankees also did their
thing. They got Jay Hap and Zach Britton. So it's going to be a spicy end of the season,
and people are definitely going to watch when NFL comes back. I haven't seen
Britton teaming up like this with the Yankees since 1945. Nice. Nice. All right, folks. Pipe
in the after them. Put in the folks to the Britton. This is a mauling, folks, a mauling.
The real other story, though, was we had an actual fight in the NBA. Classic offseason
pettiness in the NBA. Tristan Thompson punched Draymond Green in the face in the club.
Yeah, so they were at a club after the Espy Awards, and I guess Draymond Green went up to
Tristan Thompson and said, hey, man, no harm, no foul. Let's be cool, which I'm going to actually,
even though Tristan Thompson threw the punch and didn't knock him out, which that's a terrible look,
it would piss me off if someone had just won their third championship in four years and be like,
hey, man, it's cool. Like, we're all cool. Like, no, dude, you just swept us and we stink.
Yeah, it's also kind of a shithead move because even if Draymond Green meant his apology,
there's no way that you can look at Draymond Green in the face and think he's got anything but a
shitting grain on. He's got one of those faces. No matter what he's saying to you, it's like,
you're pulling something on me right now. And what he was pulling was, hey, remember when I
talked about you cheating on your wife in the NBA Finals on national television? You remember
that? When everybody saw it? I'm sorry for that. Yeah, sorry. My bad. As we actually, people forget
that we actually got into a little scrum with Draymond Green after the McGregor Mayweather fight.
That's true. So we, there's no one better in the journalism world to speak about it than us.
So yeah, I guess you should have had your camera out so you could have captured it and you should
have had PFT hopping up and down behind, trying to get in the shot. I forget what I was saying to
Paul George when we saw it was a playoff P and Draymond. It was right after the McGregor Mayweather
fight. Yeah, we had a couple cocktails. Draymond kind of gave me a little, not a shove. He just
said, come on, man. And I was like, okay, you should have fallen over. Yeah. Oh man, Draymond got me.
The big story though from, from this, the fallout was, I guess LeBron and KD broke up the fight.
So one, that means they're probably friends are going to play for the Lakers as soon as LeBron
starts winning. And then KD will join them. And two, LeBron then left the club right after because
he was sick of the shit. And that leads me to the question, do you think LeBron James will ever
speak to Tristan Thompson again in his life? I think he's a fake friend. I don't know. I think
he's just like, he's never going to converse them again. That was it. Like Tristan Thompson,
he probably thought he was being really awesome by punching Draymond. And then when LeBron left,
he's like, shit, that's it. Like he'll never, ever speak to him again. I wish that there was footage
of this, not to see the fight itself, but to watch Kevin Durant try to break up a fight. Yeah.
There's like long spindly arms. Probably be good. Yeah, you can keep people at the length,
but you forget he can't bench press 135 pounds. So what are we just going to do there? Yeah,
that's true. Let's do hot seat, cool throne before we get to Mount Rushmore. We have a very good
Mount Rushmore. We're going to talk about Jim Harbaugh before that, but let's do our hot seat,
cool throne. Hank, you want to go first? Sure. My hot seat are houses. Oh, okay. General. The
real estate website Zillow did a study and they found out that millennials aren't buying houses
anymore because they're going on bachelor parties. Wait, I thought millennials weren't getting married,
though. They're not getting married or buying houses. They're just going on the bachelor parties.
Yeah, I like that. I love these facts. Millennials not buying houses because they're going on
bachelor parties, not because the baby boomers sucked up all the real estate for really cheap
and then held on to it and made a ton of money and made owning a house now in 2018 basically
impossible. Yeah. Hey, you know that $500 that you spent to go on a flight tour Orlando for
that bachelor party? That could have been one 20th of a down payment on a 1000 square foot house.
No. Oh, you're wrong. That could have been, that could have been a 5000 square foot house in 1970.
Why can't you kids learn the value of real estate? Yeah, thankfully it's national avocado day today,
so I think that will help cool millennials. No, it means that they're going to be spending even
more money. Yeah. Millennials aren't going to be able to buy houses for the next year now.
Shit. My cool throne is big cast belly button. So Nikki Bella and John Cena called off their
wedding again. Oh, yeah, and PFD's four nipples. Yep. So John Cena, I won't be surprised if John
Cena just strolls in one of these days. I would actually say, yeah, that's a big time hot seat
for your belly button. Still got that belly button? Is it a hot? I was going to put it on my hot seat.
I wasn't sure. I feel like it's cool throne them because he's like, no. I would like to get my belly
button fucked by John Cena. Yeah. Yeah, I'd love him to titty fuck my third and fourth nipple.
It's almost like John Cena and Nikki Bella have a reality show. It's actually perfect for my tiny
third and auxiliary nipples for his little tiny auxiliary cock. Yeah. Yeah. Perfect. My other
cool throne is Johnny Manziel. Yeah. He's been named the starter for the Montreal aloe aloe.
Alouette, alouette, alouette, alouette, alouette, alouette, alouette, alouette. So he's going to
be starting with, when's that game? Friday? Friday. You know what, guys, we have one more day
until NFL football is back. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh, yeah. I'm so excited to see the pageantry
like any other spectacle in sports. The Marj Jackson is definitely going to play. Yeah. And RG3
is going to play a lot too. Yeah. RG3 is going to play. And Chase Daniel, we've been hyping it up
since like for the last month. Yeah. The only ones looking forward to this game. Is that it, Hank?
Great. All right, my good job. Thank you. Good job, Hank. Good job. You did a really good job.
My hot seat is the shield, the NFL shield. So we know Jerry Richardson of Jeans Friday is no
longer the owner of the Carolina Panthers. And Jake Tapper, Jake Tapper? Tapper. I think Tapper
is the CNN guy. Yeah. Okay. Jake Tapper is thinking about changing the midfield logo
to a Panther. So then it would just be the Giants. So yeah. So it would just be the Giants and the
Jets that have it, but they have it for other reasons. Right. This would be the Panthers
spitting in the face of Roger Goodell. I think Roger Goodell should think about revoking his
charter as an owner. Can you pull it back already? Shame on Jerry Richardson for mandating that the
statue sticks around after he's gone, but not mandating that the shield at the yard line sticks
around. Come on. Give us what we want. P. Diddy still in the wings. Remember when he was going to
own the Panthers for like four minutes after his Instagram post? Steph Curry. Yeah. So that's
my first hot seat. My second hot seat is strip clubs. Laveon Bell got spotted in a strip club
in Miami and now many people are saying that he's not focused on the seat and that he won't be ready
when he chooses to report for the Steelers training camp after his holdout. So he was in a strip club
and that's a problem. That's actually more of a, you kidding me? Come on, man. You kidding me?
It's a come on, man. Laveon Bell. Come on, man. You like to see all the holes before you hit
some. That's why he was there. It takes his time. Yeah. Very patient. My, well, I was going to
have a hard ball, but we'll get to that later. PFT, are you tweeting during the show? No. I just saw
your tweet. That was before the show. Oh, okay. Yeah. My cool throne is Bill Belichick and it's also
you think, because as I tweeted right before we started recording the show,
the Patriots brought in Eric Decker for a look at at wide out. Perfect. So I think we all saw
that coming. He is, Bill Belichick is doing the Pokemon for white wide receivers. Got to collect
them all. Yep. He's just going around and getting them. My big dick Decker, by the way. That's right.
That's right. Yes. People forget about it. He's got the third leg. Yes. That's why he's always
injured because big old dick walking around with that thing. It's like Teddy Bridgewater.
That's by the way, like an all time move by a wife to just tweet out, yeah, my husband's got a huge
dick. That's a rider die. Yeah. That's a real big nice move. Big time rider die. My other cool
throne is Pat Sajak. Because Alex Trebek says he's going to retire in 2020. Oh, from Jeopardy.
Wow. So Pat Sajak going to be the longest game show host around. He's probably not going anywhere.
Pat Sajak is one of those guys that's probably 90 years old. He's knocking on wood. Oh, yeah. Yeah,
that's right. Be careful. He's like 90 years old, but he looks like he's 60. So I just think,
I don't think he's even a human. I think he's just never going to die. He's a robot. Dead or alive,
Bob Barker. Alive. We brought him back on Barstle Van Talk. What do we did? Yeah, we said RIP,
Bob Barker. And then I was like, wait, I think he's alive. And then we celebrated bringing him back
to life. Shit. Okay, good. Okay. That's good to know. Congrats to us for bringing him back. And we
did it again. Yep. Yeah, did it again. Okay, my hot seat is it's actually me because I'm in a little
bit of a pickle, boys. And I need some help walking through this. So my boss, Arod, had some comments
about you, Darvish in the club's clubhouse. It has caused quite the controversy in the Chicago
media and you Darvish, he basically said you Darvish is a distraction and could cause a clubhouse
problem. You Darvish is injured. He's rehabbing with the team, which I actually like. Yeah. So
my question to you is where do I go here? So what's the problem? Why is he going to? Well,
everyone's like, you need to have a comment. And I would prefer I have the be nice to you movement.
I would prefer the club's clubhouse to stay kumu matata. And but I also don't want to disappoint
my boss. I think you just got a no comment. No comment. So no comment. Yeah. Thank you for asking.
But yeah, yeah. Okay. Thank you guys for asking. Why are they pissed off at you for rehabbing with
the team? No, he was saying I understood Arod's point. I don't know if it was said perfectly,
but he was basically saying if a guy is with the team and not playing, it can cause, you know,
an issue where everyone's like, Hey, why is this guy not back yet? Why is he watching tape?
Why is he taking up, you know, trainers and stuff? I don't think that's the case because I think they
have an opposite. True. Like if he's not with the team, it's like he should be with his teammates.
Right. That's what I would say. Right. It's a damned if you do damned if you don't. And Kyle
Schwarber, when he tore his knee rehabbed with the Cubs and the Cubs have actually I'm going to
change my mind. I'm changing my mind for this reason. I'm changing my mind. But as a representative
of Arod Corp, your job is to take bullets for your boss. So you got to have his back 110%.
But I can just say no comment. No, you can't because you know what you just did? You just threw
Arod under the bus. What if I just do like a Sammy Sosa, like no oblin grace, you can pretend
that you don't speak English. Yeah. Okay. So that's a better right now. You either say that or
you, you go even further than Arod and say he's being a clown. Sorry. Call him a fraud. Losiento,
no oblin grace PFT. There you go. My cool throne is the XFL. So I don't know if people saw this,
but the XFL has a committee for fan engagement and technology members of that committee.
Jim Caldwell and John Fox. Okay, yeah, that is fun and a lot of technology. Nothing says extreme
like John Fox. I would love to have sat in that meeting and been like, okay, so how are we going
to capture fans on Twitter, Jim? And he just sits there blankly and they're like, John and John's
got a beer in one hand. He's like, what the fuck is Twitter? Yeah, maybe they just had them in
their canaries in the coal mine where they presented an idea. And then if Jim Caldwell was
like, that's not football or John Fox is like, I don't like it. I don't understand. That's a great
idea. That's actually smart. Yeah. Like I don't understand what you're saying right now. Wait,
so the quarterback throws the ball forward. Yeah. No, that's kind of gimmicky. You have to run on
first down and second down. You got to make sure that your quarterback's in the worst possible
spot. Like, okay, we'll do the grass should be taller. I just like the idea of Jim Caldwell
sitting in any meeting just blank face. He's got a perfect like boring meeting face. They should,
you know how a lot of times you can go over to China and get hired to be just a westerner to
sit in offices and act like a CEO? Yep. Jim Caldwell would be a perfect hire. Yes. Put them in
like a glass walled office. Yeah, just have them stare straightforward. He's like, that guy means
business. Yeah, we don't know what business, but he means business. Okay, we need to get to our
Mount Rushmore. Before we do that, we need to bring up a quote from our good friend, Jim Harbaugh.
And this is what's spurned the Mount Rushmore. Is he your friend anymore? Oh, yeah. He's my
good friend. He's a great friend. Well, he's, he's avoiding you though. No, he says he doesn't
like gamblers. He's got to say that publicly. And then he texted me on the side. I don't have
his number. Hey, big cat, I wasn't talking about you gamble your little heart out. That's what he
said. So Jim, Jim Harbaugh, who was speaking, sorry, Wilton spate, who is a friend of the program,
was on a podcast and he had this story of about Jim Harbaugh. He said, Harbaugh pulled Wilton
spate aside and told him not to eat chicken, a protein that is considered fairly safe by
nutritionists. When spate asked why Harbaugh said because it's a nervous bird, he thinks some type
of sickness injected its way into the human population. When people began eating white
meats instead of beef and pork, and he believes it 100%. Yeah, and I do too. Now. Yeah, have you
ever seen chicken run around? It's literally they call kids a chicken because it's nervous. Yeah,
you can cut a chicken's head off and it'll still run around. And that you got to have your head
on a swivel, not on the ground next to you looking up at you. When Jim Harbaugh dies in like 200
years, they need to do a study on how he lived to 250 by just eating steak and drinking milk.
I just came up with an idea right now. If you're an NFL Hall famer, you're looking for a little
extra cash, just sell Jim Harbaugh like a piece of your liver to eat. You would pay for it. If
you're a tough guy and like you've got the resume, your liver, it'll regenerate. So just take like
a little slice off. Is that true? Yeah. Like salamanders tails? Yeah, as long as I think it's
like if I remember my house of cards correctly, it's problematic, I know. Not on it anymore.
Not on anymore. So if you get like a quarter of your liver taken out, it'll regenerate and grow
back. So you can just like keep going back to Harbaugh once a year. So you are your own farm?
Yes, you grow your own liver for yourself. It's like, or just sell me your plasma. Yeah.
And just have him drink your blood. I bet you that Harbaugh would do it. It'd be like,
that guy's strong. I will acquire his strength. We got a glass of Tom Brady's blood. Would you
like to feed it to your quarterbacks? Yes, he would absolutely do it. Without a doubt. Okay,
so with that, he should just like, if I'm Serena Williams, I'm just pumping extra milk every day
and just selling it. Shipping it right to in our Michigan. $5,000 an ounce.
So with that, we are going to do the Mount Rushmore of football guys because of Jim Harbaugh's quote.
Who would like to start?
Bubba, why don't you decide the order for this? Because I feel like catching the tail into the
snake is going to be huge. PFT Big Cat Hank. Okay. Wow, that was he did that because he loves Hank.
Okay, fucking rather do.
All right, PFT. Here we go. My first, I'm going to go with Tom Coughlin.
Yikes. Okay, going big Tommy on that one. Okay. Yeah, I mean, we have some good stories coming
up from Pete Prisco. Tom Coughlin, he is the consummate football guy. The thing is, this is
going to be like star studded. All of our picks. I know, but like, this is the thing. It's going
to be very hard to figure out who has the best. Oh, are you giving yourself an out already?
No, I'm just saying Tom Coughlin is a great pick. It's going to be a lot of big names up on the
board. Yeah, why didn't you like that pick? Yeah. Hank, what did Tom Coughlin ever do to your team?
Huh? A little bias from Hank over there. Interesting. Okay, my first pick. I got to do it. I'll go with
Dicca. Okay. Homer pick. Yeah. Through and through. Kind of a reach as a Homer pick. Football
through and through. I'm going to go with Bill Belichick. Okay. Jim Harbaugh. Okay. Okay. Good
choices. Good choices. I'll go with Kocho. All right. That's also good. Yeah, these are the ones
that are going off the board. Okay. I'm going to go, I'm going to turn the corner with
Bill Parcells. Good pick. This is tough. And this is tough. Andy Reed.
Okay. Okay. I will go with my third pick. I'll go with John Gruden. Lives football.
Loves football. But his story is not told yet. What do you mean? He's still got some,
he's still got some work to do. Yeah. So does Andy Reed. I don't know. I think he has one
of Super Bowl. Yeah. So hasn't gone to the top of the mountain. That almost makes it better.
Yeah. Real football guys. They keep pushing. Thank you for complimenting my pick. They keep
pushing that stone. It's almost like he goes back to the Raiders and gets paid $100 million
to install an offense from 1975. I'm going to go with Vince Lombardi. Okay. Good pick, Hank.
And my final one, I'm going to go with Mike Leach. Okay. Okay. Interesting. Okay. All right.
My final pick. I have a panda pick that I was going to do that I'm not going to do. We'll discuss
it after. The panda to the audience. I'm not going to do it, but I was going to do it, but I'm not
going to. Do you guys want to know what it was? Was it going to be Tom Brady? No, it was not going to
be. No, not Tom Brady. The panda to our audience. Jim Tomsula? No. I almost did that. Liam knows
who I'm going to do. Should I do it? Fuck it. I'll do it. The man who literally denied a job
at the greatest company in the world and the greatest podcast in the world because he loves
football so much. Billy football. Oh, Jesus. No. That's the greatest panda pick of all time.
Don't reward big cat for that. Don't get mad because you didn't do it. Don't be mad. No, he does.
He literally didn't come back to pardon my take. He's a child. He loves football. His coach said
pick football. Pardon my take. He's a football baby. He picked football over us. You know what?
That's a panda move right there, but it's not going to look as good written down.
That's fine. That's fine. I'm confident with my pick. No, it is going to look good written down,
but if you put the resumes down, it looks terrible. Oh, you think D3 QB to wide receiver who can't
even get on the field isn't a good resume? All right. My last one, I'm going to go with buddy
Ryan. Okay, not only is he buddy Ryan, a football guy, but he shot two other football guys out of
his dick. Yeah, I almost went with the road of just going dads like Steve Belichick, Jack Harbaugh,
buddy Ryan. Yeah, yeah. All right, we missed a lot. I had Mike Singletary obviously there. Ronnie
Lott was on my list. Ronnie Lott, Dick Buckus, Jeff Fisher, Chris Berman. Yeah, Mike Allstott.
Mike Allstott, Jeff Brom. We could do double one. Ernie Adams. Ernie Adams would have been a good
one for sure. I almost, yeah. There's so many. Gundy. There's so many. We should just redo it.
Want to redo it. We could do another. Do another one. Do another one. Do a sub mount rush more.
Let's go fast, fast, fast sub mount rush more as fast as you can. Jesus. Okay. All right. All right.
Who's going to go again? I'm going to go again. Okay, I'm going to go with Jeff Fisher. Okay,
I'll go with Dick Buckus. Mike Gundy. Okay, and another one. Steve Belichick. Mike Singletary.
Nick Saban. And? And there's Joe Gibbs. Oh, that's good. Urban Meyer.
Bear Bryant. And Jim Tomsula. Oh, I was going to do Jim Tomsula. God damn it, Hank.
Suck it. Fuck you, Hank. Fuck. Now I, fuck, fuck. Oh, I thought you, I thought we could do another one.
Mike, I'll stop. Okay. Cower. Oh, the chin. Nice pick, Cower. Nice pick, Cower. Nice pick, Cower.
All right. Well, that one's going to be contentious. And we got ourselves one too. We got two. We got
two more fresh books. Fuck. B team. Damn. I think Chris Berman. I think my B team could beat some
of your A teams. All right, so. Could Nick Saban beat? Yeah. Could Nick Saban beat the
A team that whoever threw out there. I mean, we're going to see. At part of my take,
we'll put it up there. It's going to be quite contentious. Wouldn't you say, Liam?
Yeah. Yeah. All right. Let's get to our, let's get, let's get to our interview with Pete Prisco.
He actually has some great Tom Coughlin stories. Before we do that, the Cash App,
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you will ever own. MeUndies.com slash take. Okay, here he is. Pete Prisco.
All right, we now welcome on Pete Prisco from CBS Sports. He is a bodybuilder. He's been covering
the NFL for almost 30 years. He watches the tape and he doesn't give a fuck about your opinions.
How's that for an intro, Pete? I love that intro. That's fantastic. Bodybuilders a little much,
though. Come on, give me a break. I'm not a bodybuilder. If I was a bodybuilder, I'd have a
lot better body. I'm not a bodybuilder. I'm an old man trying to maintain. That's what I am.
You and I have a bit of a history together. We kind of butted heads back in the day, like 2013,
2014. You challenged me to a push-up contest. I tried to accept a push-up contest on the air
on CBS Sports. You backed out because you're a chicken. Care to comment, chicken? I don't know
if I challenged you to a push-up contest. That was more of you. You wanted me to do it by drinking
like one of your MB 40-40 bottles. Mad Dog 2020. You're a chicken. You're a nervous little bird.
Jim Harbaugh wouldn't need you. No, I'm not a chicken. There's only two things that scare me
in the world. Click, click in my ear and cancer. That's it. Wait, what was the first? Click, click,
like if somebody has a gun in your ear. Can you shot, Pete? What the fuck? Where are you going
that you're worried about someone pulling a gun on you and going click, click in your ear?
You always got to play the bad scenarios at you. I guess so.
I guess so. All right, let's talk some NFL. Because like I said in your intro, you do watch the
tape and you put out your, this is why I love you, Pete. You predict every single game in July
for the NFL season and then you say, I don't give a, I don't give a rat's ass what anyone
thinks about my opinion. It's probably going to be wrong, but I still don't care. So you predict
every game. You have, I went through it and I had a couple of ones that I wanted to ask about,
specifically the Seahawks. You have them five and 11. So where'd that come from?
You know, it's weird that you say that and ask about that one because when I, I do that thing,
I play, it takes a while to do it. So you go over and over and play through it and then, you know,
adjust it and look at where they're at and who's playing those games and everything. Who's going
to have a good defense? And then I tally it up. And when I tally it up, I look back at it and I go,
how the heck did I get to Seahawks at five and 11? Because I didn't think they would be that bad
either. But then I went back and looked at it. Their schedule is brutal. I mean, it is really,
really tough. And I think those defensive losses are going to be felt. And, you know,
for years, and, you know, everybody thinks I'm a Russell Wilson. Hey, you are. You are. You are.
No, no, I'm not. I just think he's very good and he's not great. People want to put him in the hall
of fame. Well, now we're going to find out. And I'm a big believer. Okay. This is not crazy. But I
think they need to give the ball to Russell Wilson and play fast enough tempo and loose and free
and let him do his thing. Because I don't think the defense is going to be nearly as good. That
defense and the running game have carried that team and he's only had to, you know, be good enough.
I think it's his team. Now he needs to be great. You know where the tape lies, though? This is your
problem. So Carson is coming back this year. He broke his leg last year. That guy is going to
be an awesome running back. I'm standing on the table officially right now for Chris Carson.
You heard it here first. That guy is going to run for like 1200 yards.
Hey, you draft a running back in the first round, you know.
I don't care. Carson's legit. That sounds like you might not have remembered that.
I don't know who they drafted. No, they drafted some guy that should have gone
like the third or fourth round. Who did? Don't tell me I don't remember.
He's going to be a good player. You're crazy. You watch by the end of the year.
That kid's going to be a dynamic runner. Look, I wouldn't have taken the back in the first round
of five of them, but he's a good player. That's the other thing. You hate running backs.
You hate them so much. I do. I don't hate them. You guys still hate them.
You guys hate everything. I don't hate them. I just dislike them greatly.
No, I'm rational about that. Here's the thing. When you draft a running back in the top 10,
he's like a car. As soon as you take them off the lot, it goes down in value. Every year,
it goes down in value. Every single one. And people can say that about other players,
but that's not necessarily true. When they don't, some guys hit the stride when they're in their,
27 years old or something like that. Running backs are going down right away.
I disagree. I disagree because, yeah. Here's why. I actually think that it's a smart strategy
to draft a running back and then basically you control them through their best years and you
never have to pay them in the free agency market. You draft a ZQL, you run them to the ground,
and then when you become, you franchise tag them, you franchise tag them, you let them walk.
Leave you on belt. Same thing. Franchise tag them, franchise tag them, let them walk.
So I think that it's actually like the other way around now where it's smart to draft a really
good running back and impact running back. And then you basically control them on their
slotted guaranteed money and then you can let them walk when they're like 27, 28,
and you know they're going to go downhill. You got the theory, right? You just got the
execution wrong. Okay. You draft them in the third round like Tamara or Karim Hunt and or
Jordan Howley, even later, who's had good years for the Bears, and you run them into the ground,
like you said, and then after year five, you let them go. You don't franchise tag them, you let
them go because now they've got so much wear and tear on the tires that they're not the same guy they
were. You know, people talk about Bell, oh, next year, he's going to get out on the open market
and get this mega deal. Well, you know what? You're going to have 400 more touches on that body
after this year. You know, the Steelers, by the way, could transition tag them too if they want
to keep them, but you know, you don't pay running backs and the best running backs,
yeah, they're especially, they call it Barkley's going to be a really good back.
I just don't think the position value is there. Look at the running backs in the Super Bowl last
year. You want to go through the laundry list of where they came from, who's who, who wasn't
drafted, and so or late, late round picks. So for me, I just don't think the value of the position
is there. Well, speaking of running backs that have some wear and tear, you were just up in
Minnesota. Dalvin Cook looks better than he did before he toured ACL. That's what all the report
is saying. I don't know if that's true or not, but they know how to regenerate ACLs up in Minnesota,
how do you look to you? It's unbelievable. Whatever they do in that facility next door,
you know, I want to do that to my entire body. Interesting. My gosh, what, what, I mean,
it is unbelievable. 10 months ago, that guy tore that thing off, but you wouldn't believe it. Now
he's back and he is quicker and faster. He looks explosive as heck. I mean, he's going to be a
dynamic player for them. I just worry about the quarterback. I mean, is he good enough to get
them past where they want a year ago? No, that's the question. The answer is no. The answer is no.
You know, I tend to agree with you guys, by the way. I'm not enamored with this game.
Well, we watched the tape as well. So rank these quarterbacks for me. These five quarterbacks,
Matt Ryan, Matt Stafford, Blake Portals, Andrew Luck, Russell Wilson. I'll go Matt Ryan, Russell
Wilson. No, you lie. This is a lie. No, I will. Okay. All right. Okay. Maybe Matt Stafford, Russell
Wilson. Yeah, there you go. I would take Matt Stafford. Matt Stafford, Russell Wilson. Which
luck is showing up? The one with the, with the good arm or the barrel? You have to guess. It's
your guess as good as ours. I'll say he's got the good arm and he'll be four and then, and then
Portals will be five. Okay. So follow up question. Why do you hate Blake Portals? Yeah. Why do you
hate him? No, I don't. I'm with you guys on Portals. You guys are exactly right about Blake
Portals, by the way. Last year, people ripped him to shreds all season long. He had receivers
that didn't know what routes they were running. They were going in the wrong spot. Yeah, people
think they closed it down and shut it down in the playoff game against the wingland in the second
half because of him. They did that because of the other problems. The offensive line wasn't great
and the wide receivers were young kids who didn't know where to go. The other side of that is they
weren't a great running team either. You know, they, they were second to league in, in rushing,
but Fournet had the 190 yard run. He kind of petered out halfway through the season and they
had a lot of yardage. They tallied up on fake punt. I think it was like a hundred something yard. So
they weren't, and he ran the ball. They weren't a great running team. And so for all the coffee
takes, he's a much better player than people give credit for. Thank you. Thank you. Appreciate that.
So it sounds like you're jumping on the mat, Ryan, bounce back here.
Yeah. Cause I think last year was one of the feeling, those feeling out fees with
Sarkeesian. Remember the first year you had with Shani and it was a disaster. They hated each
other. Then they finally figured it out in the second year. They learned to coexist and then
started unraveling again at the end of the year. But this, this, you know, last year Sarkeesian
didn't even get to call play for Julio Jones until week one. He wasn't around. He never called the
play for him until week one in Chicago. And so I think this year with Julio Jones is there, healthy,
with Calvin Ridley, who by the way, looks really good there and able to stretch the field a little
bit. I think it'll be much better off. So you had in your predictions, the Super Bowl as Packers
versus Jaguars. Why are you down on the Patriots? Well, not down on the Patriots. Well, no, you
don't have them in the Super Bowl. You're down on them. Well, here's why. I'll tell you why. I had
them losing at Jacksonville in week two, which is going to be like a Super Bowl for that city.
And then that means that they would go there again in the championship game and they would lose to
them again in the championship game. That's why. Interesting. I think the Patriots are going to,
you know, as long as Belichick and Brady are there, they're going to be fine. It's just that I don't
think they're going to the Super Bowl. I think, I think Jacksonville would, by the way, and it goes
back to your quarterback. That, that kid grew up a lot last year in the last, you know, eight weeks
in a season and then on into the playoffs. And you know what, when you watch him on the practice
field now, different, different guy, close the ball with confidence, doesn't have that little
wide, that bad windup that he used to have, his mechanics are better. And as long as he's playing
well, and he's got, oh, by the way, he's got some weapons now too. As long as he's playing well,
they're going to be, they're going to be really, really good. Funny how you leave town and then
the Jaguars get really good. Coincidence. It's pretty amazing. I'm the, I'm the mush. Just call
me the mush. You want to repeat the mush, click, click. I'll see your body type, mush.
I was at Packers. I don't know what you're talking about. I saw you playing basketball.
That wasn't a pretty sighted, by the way. What, me? Who, me? No. Big cat. Yeah, me. Yeah. Yeah,
at least I'm out there. A pound in the pavement. You got no game. You got no game. You're a little
short, you're a little short freak. Who wears, who wears cargo shorts? Cargo, George. Yeah. Pete,
do you still have the George's? I don't have George's. No, no. We have forensic evidence of,
of you wearing the George's. I located the George's Pacific Sunwear store. You were wearing cargo
shorts. I'll tell you what those, I'll tell you what those, those were, were beer can shorts is
what they were. Yeah. Yeah. Um, all right. Okay. Okay. I want to get back to big cats fast. I want
to get back to big cats fast ball games. Yeah. I give you an A for effort because you try. That's
all. There isn't a lot of games. That's all I'm there for. I'm there to set screens, play some
defense and box out. I don't make any illusions. What? Right. Oh, I can play. No, I can play. I'm
out there. Uh, let's play a little game for you. Confirm or deny? You ready for it? Yep. Okay.
Confirm or deny you once ate, uh, late night pizza with Mark Davis. Confirm. What was that like?
Confirm. Uh, he was sitting in, um, in the media lobby at, uh, at the Super Bowl and he had about
12 pizzas ordered in and we were standing there having a few cocktails and I just wandered over
and said, Hey, Mark, you mind if I grab a slice and he said, Sure, sit down and have one. So I
did. What was that? What'd you guys talk about? No, no, I didn't do a lot of talking. He was talking
to a bunch of other people. I just wandered over and grabbed a slice. Oh, that, that, that haircut.
Just attracted you like that. Yeah. Nothing like that. Okay. All right. Uh, confirm or deny?
Aaron Rogers is the best quarterback in the NFL. Confirm. Okay. Rank your top three.
Oh, really? All he does is he dinks in dunks. Yeah, you're not worried. He's a dinker. He's a
dunker. Yeah. He's a big dunk. He's not a dinker. He's not a dinker at a dunk. He drives the ball
down the field. You're crazy. No, he does. He's like, Oh, I got Camaro. I'm just going to give
him the ball and let him run with it. That's what Drew Brees does. He's not good anymore. No,
I think he's good. I just think that he throws a lot of like three yard passes. Who's, who's four
and five? Four and five would be Roppersberger, maybe. And then who's five? Rivers, Ryan, Wilson.
Okay. Let me ask you this. I like that. Who won the Rivers Eli Manning trade?
Well, two Super Bowls won it. They won it. But you just, you just said Philip Rivers was one of
the best top five quarterbacks and Eli Manning wasn't. So. Well, right now he is. Rivers?
Do you realize Eli Manning is in a business career like top 10 yards and touchdown passes
and he won two Super Bowls and everybody just bags on the guy. I mean, it's okay. You guys,
you guys always talk about, everybody talks about how great Russell Wilson is where he got the
Super Bowl already. Well, Eli Manning has two and if I'm not mistaken, he's the only,
still the only quarterback to come from behind in the fourth quarter. It's two Super Bowls
and he's got tons of yards and tons of touchdown passes and all he does is take crap.
It's because he just never closes his mouth. Yeah. His face is bothering me.
I just want to flash back to 2015 when you picked the Cincinnati Bengals to win the Super Bowl and
had Andy Dalton as your league MVP. Would you care to retract? Oh, always. I forgot that they
have problems with coaching in that spot sometimes. Oh, you're going to blame the coach, not yourself.
Yeah, I always blame somebody else. All right. So give me this one. So now that we're on Pete
Prisco's bad take, bad take machine, uh, this tweet, after breaking down Christian Ponder and
Cam Newton on tape, I would take Ponder over Newton. That's just me. Pete Prisco, March 2011.
Fumble.
Look, if I, if I got him all right, I'd be the GM of the team. But you know what? Even if I was a
GM of the team, like the rest of those guys, they all make mistakes too. Everybody makes mistakes.
I mean, look at it. The only difference is when I make the mistakes, it doesn't cost me my job.
When they make mistakes, they're all looking for work. True. Okay. All right. Confirmer
tonight, speaking of costing your job, a little birdie told me that you once, uh, got fired
for not returning a rental car. No, not necessarily. Well, so it sounds like there's a little,
give us the whole story there. Not returning. I kept the rental car longer than I was supposed
to, but that's not why a couple years.
And wait, why'd you get fired for that? I liked the, I liked the rental car. It was cruising
around. Okay. Why'd you get fired for it? No, I didn't. That's not why. That's not why I got
fired. I don't even think I got fired. I left. Oh, okay. One of those situations. Got it. All right.
It was a conscious uncoupling from you and your paycheck. Yeah. Last, last confirmed
we're denied. And then we'll get back to some more football. Uh, a little birdie also told me
that you happened to kick the seat in front of you when someone reclines on an airplane.
That sounds like a real shitty move by a guy who's what, five, two?
Yeah, but I could fight my, I could fight like anybody. I told you that. I, uh, no,
here's what happens. If you put your seat back in front of me and I'm on my laptop doing work
and I have my, my tray table out, you know, like back in the old days, we used to have big computers
used to jam them up, but now they just slam it back and got no room to work. So what I do is
I not only kick the back of the seat, sometimes I bang that keyboard. So,
so hard that the guy eventually turns around and looks at me and I said, well,
your seat's in my lap. What the hell do you want me to do? Hey, I've got plain stories.
You guys think you got, I got plain stories like you never, I could tell them for hours.
You're a prolific airport tweeter. Like if you're, if you're on the tarmac for longer than 25
minutes, you get those little fingers working. I was on the tarmac for eight and a half hours.
Fort Lauderdale shoot. I got caught in that thing. I get caught in everything.
Oh, I got caught.
I flew a plane one time.
Yeah. Damn. You got delayed. That's, that's tragic.
And that's not what I'm saying. It was, it was, it was awful, man. Hey, I was in good
manner at that. I helped an old lady and actually pushed the guy around to help her get on the
bus. And of course I followed her right in the door.
He was like, oh, let me help this old lady into the life.
Getting out of that Fort Lauderdale airport that day, you couldn't walk off the airport.
They wouldn't let you. There's no tag. There's no card. So everybody had these like four buses
there. And so I'm standing out in the front. I went to the cop. I go, where are the buses?
How are we getting out of here? Cause there's thousands of people waiting to get out. And
he says, what do you want me to do? Wake up the school, the school bus drivers?
And I go, yeah, this is an emergency. Get people out of here. Well, I'm a terminal
four. And by the time the buses kept coming, they were all full. Finally I'm standing out
there and this bus comes and I see it coming and it's empty. So it's going to stop right there.
So I see it pulling over. I figure, well, what the hell? I'm getting on it. So I walk over
and there's this old lady standing there and this guy starts to bull rushing. And I grabbed
up. I go, dude, this lady's getting on the bus. Move back. And I grabbed him by the arm and
let her walk up. And then I acted like I was with her and walking.
That's fantastic. Is that a good Samaritan actor? Is that a selfish?
No, I think every good Samaritan act has a little bit of selfishness at its core,
if we're being really honest. But I wanted to ask you about, you know, you consider yourself
a tough guy. You know, you got some street sense about you. You can step into a wrestling ring,
royal rumble style. It's you, Florio, Schefter and Ian Rappaport, who's walking out of that ring.
Oh, that's me. Are you kidding me? That's me.
Power rank those four. Florio's also Italian.
He is. He's not afraid of that click, click, though. Yeah. Florio's the one who clicks.
I always joke around, Mike, I tell him, you know what? I joke around about a seat at
Pond up in West Virginia. So I'm sure he's got a big musket that he can shoot everybody with.
No, yeah, it would be me. I don't, there's no doubt about that one. Zero.
Okay. Who do you go after first?
Well, I let them slap each other. I like that. I like that. Um, all right, Pete,
we are big hot seat guys on this podcast. I'm going to throw some coaches names out there.
You tell me if they're on the hot seat to start the season or not. You ready?
Yep. All right. Mike Tomlin.
No, absolutely not. You sure?
I thought that's not the Pittsburgh way. No way.
Okay. Mike McCarthy.
No, not with the change. No, not warm. No, not warm. Okay.
Not with the change over at the top. Nope.
Okay. Adam Gase. Nope.
Okay. Wow. You can make it through.
All right. Uh, Bill O'Brien.
Maybe. So that's a warm seat. What about Marvin Lewis?
I mean, he just extended them there.
He lives in an igloo.
Yeah. I can't, I can't see that happening.
Okay. I mean, the only more perfect fit than Marvin Lewis there would be if they brought
Jeff Fisher in. Yeah.
To Cincinnati. Or brought back huge or Hugh Jackson went on 16 again and they're like,
he did some good things.
What about Jason Garrett?
Hot seat.
He is. This is the year he's on the hot seat.
Oh, interesting. I think he's a hot seat.
Okay. Yeah, I do.
Is Bill Belichick coaching for his job?
Yeah, sure.
Yeah. It's good.
Never.
What was John's coach?
He'll walk away when he wants to walk.
He'll walk away when he wants to walk.
His job is to coach. So he's coaching for his job.
What about Jay Gruden?
Oh, that's good.
He could be on the hot seat.
Ooh.
Who else do we miss that you, you're hearing mumblings?
You know, we never talk about another man's job.
Cutter.
Ooh.
Their cutter will be, their cutter's on the hot seat.
Okay.
I refuse to accept that their cutter is actually an NFL coach.
What?
Well, they're all night. The whole organization's on the hot seat.
They got one year left on those deals. They're in trouble.
Yes. So tell us about, like, James Winston, what's the deal?
Because it feels like this is the year he and Marriota,
like both those guys feel like this is almost a make or break year.
What have you seen when you watched the tape between both of those guys?
Like, what's wrong and how can they fix it?
Well, Marriota was hurt last year by playing in a 1952 offense.
I mean, that thing, exotic smash, it was awful.
It was a terrible offense.
And so he was hurt by that.
So it's hard to gauge him.
The problem now is he's got a first-time playcaller on that little floor.
So it's going to be interesting.
He's going to be an interesting watch this year.
Winston's problem is, I mean, on the field,
his problem is that he takes too many shots.
I mean, you can't win.
Off the field, too.
I'm not getting into that.
Sometimes you've got to take the check down.
Sometimes you just have to take the check down.
And he always wants to make the big play.
And they've told him over and over again,
you can't do that on every play.
So that's the biggest problem for him.
Here's a dark horse hot seat for you, Ron Rivera.
Even though they were a playoff team a year ago?
Yeah.
They're changing ownership.
Why?
Because new coach, I mean, new ownership.
Yeah.
You're probably going to have a new GM.
Yeah, that one, I don't think so,
because he recently got a contract extension, too.
You know, these guys don't like paying two coaches.
They hate that.
Sure.
That's why they're rich.
That's why they're all rich is because they're
smart enough not to pay two coach.
OK.
Who's going to be the first rookie quarterback
to start a game?
Darnold.
Ooh.
You think he's going to get it?
Not Josh Rosen.
Yeah.
What about?
I think Bradford's been having a good camp from what
I've been hearing from out there.
Yes.
Yeah.
His knee hasn't exploded yet.
He's awesome.
He's awesome.
Right.
Well, OK.
Are you guys saying if he's hurt, then he starts?
Yeah.
No, I think Darnold's going to start sooner rather later.
He's a little mini holdout to help him, any.
Yeah.
You love Josh Allen, too, right?
I do.
Dad loved that about you.
Makes no sense.
I do love Josh Allen.
You know, by the way, speaking of you guys,
take up for guys that take a lot of abuse.
You've got Portals and you've got Allen.
Yeah, and Cutler was my guy.
So we get a lot.
Yeah, I know you do.
You love just pocket passers.
He's fantastic on very Cavalieri, too, by the way.
Yes, he is.
You love pocket passers who aren't named Russell Wilson.
Well, he's not a pocket passer.
True.
He moves around.
True.
He leaves clean pockets.
But Josh Allen's going to be a good quarterback, though.
But I can't figure out for the life of me
why that kid takes as much abuse as he does.
OK, that's where it weren't good at Wyoming.
But if you watch the tape, he was playing with
bouncers and bartenders and the balls
were bouncing off their helmets and stuff.
They couldn't catch the football.
He is going.
It might take him a little seasoning,
but he's going to be a big time quarterback.
He's got that arm.
He's got that arm.
Pete, talk to me about my bears real quick.
Can we do the whole, hey, look what happened
with McVeigh and Goff thing and do that with me?
Why not?
Come on.
You're a year away.
Next year, they're going to be.
Next year, they will be really good.
But this year, I think it's going to be the
feeling out process.
You'll take seven and nine if you can get to 12
and four next year, right?
If you said the bears were going to be seven and nine
right now on July 30th, I'd be like,
uh, yeah, where do I sign up?
That would be actually exciting football.
To me, that's kind of like the McVeigh Goff thing.
I think that offense is going to be really,
really exciting with Negi.
And what's the offensive coordinator?
They don't really know each other though, right?
The guy from Oregon?
Yeah, Hellfridge.
Yeah.
But they also got, you know, they added the receivers.
You know, I think, you know, we'll see what Robinson,
I think Robinson can get back to,
he's a jump ball receiver.
He'll help them.
But I think all those guys, you know,
getting the tight end will help them.
But they often, yeah, if he gets back going,
the offensive line is going to be pretty good.
I'm not so sure about that defense though.
You know, it's going to take, and I, you know,
I just think that there's some holes on defense.
But, and again, it's not like, that doesn't happen
what happened with the Rams last year.
That's kind of an aberration.
I think it might take them a year.
Both them and the 49ers.
I think the 49ers are your way too.
And the next year, both teams are going to be really good.
So you're still buying on Trebisky?
Oh yeah.
Okay.
I think he's going to be a good player.
Nice.
Yeah, I think he can move.
He can make the throw.
He's smart.
Yeah, he, no, he, yes.
The Bears got a good quarterback.
That's the right guy.
You know, and, but we have to slow down
on some of these young quarterbacks too.
Jimmy Garoppolo through seven touchdown passes
and five interceptions last year.
And he was in the top 100.
I mean, that's, in some people, that's ridiculous.
Yeah.
Deshaun Watson played a small sample side
and now he's coming up a second ACL.
If he can't move around the way he used to move around,
that means you defend him differently.
And so we got to slow down on both those guys.
Wait, Jimmy, Jimmy G only through seven touchdowns last year?
Yeah.
It feels like he threw 20.
The way that we talked about.
You know what it is?
It's, there was that one clip on like the NFL network
where he was miked up on NFL films
and they showed him leading that one comeback.
And so now that's how easy it is
to manipulate people in America.
It's like, I thought Jimmy Garoppolo
through 26 touchdowns last year because of that one clip.
We also might be wrong.
When I told you seven and five,
you thought that was crazy, right?
It's just amazing.
Yeah.
It's unreal.
Yeah.
Well, and also he's playing against like, yeah,
if you had, if you had asked us,
I would have said 15 touchdowns,
three interceptions and he went seven and L.
Yeah.
To finish the season.
Well, he did win, he did win his game though,
but here's the other thing.
The day you played Jacksonville out there,
the Jaguars learned before they took the field
that they had clinched the division
because Tennessee messed up or whatever
and they clinched it and they were,
they've been traditionally terrible on the West Coast
and against the Rams in the final,
where you can see the number of the Rams
that already clinched everything.
They didn't play anybody.
Yeah.
You got to put a little bit of an asterisk there.
Okay.
All right.
The Seeky question.
Put in promo code take.
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Give us the, well, one team in each conference
that you see coming, sneaking into the playoffs
that weren't there last year.
The one team, we always see it.
Like one team drops out, one team hops in.
Give us that switch.
It's usually more, but you know what?
When I played it out, I had a hard time finding them.
I really did.
I put the Texans and the Broncos in.
Okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
I had two and two of them in the AFC.
In the NFC, I don't think I had any.
Let me check.
I didn't.
I don't think you did either.
Yeah.
No, I did not.
Interesting.
What would be the team though, that's like right on the edge
in your mind, in the NFC that could possibly, you know,
people aren't expecting them to make the playoffs?
Is it the 49ers?
Is it the Lions?
Is it, you know, one of those guys?
No, no.
Redskins maybe, but I had them at six and 10.
Oh, wow.
That was another team.
That was another team when I played it out,
and they were six and 10.
I said, oh, I don't know about that one, but because
if there's some of the young players, you know,
they're defensive linemen and guys like Payne and Allen,
those guys, they play well.
They're going to be pretty good on defense, but, you know,
and now Smith, is he better than Kirk Cousins?
He's older.
He's the same.
He's the exact same.
He's just three or four years old.
I'm with you on that.
I think they're the same guy, right?
Yeah, yeah.
So, yeah, so I don't know.
It's hard.
What team do you guys think could be one?
The Browns.
In the NFC, I could see the Ravens getting in there.
Maybe.
If Flacco's playing the way they're, you know,
everybody's drooling over Flacco because they drafted
Lamar Jackson, they say he's motivated, but they could be
one of, they could be.
Yeah.
Don't sweep on the Bengals either, by the way.
You're going to laugh when I tell you that.
The Bengals have a chance.
No, because they got young talent on defense.
Lawson and Willis and guys like that, and then, you know,
the defensive line is going to be really good.
And, and then you go to the offense.
I mean, they're going to get guys back healthy.
If I can ever get back on the field, the running back
mixing is going to be a good player.
And that offensive line, which has been a disaster for years,
I think it'll be better with getting
Cordy Glenn in there as well.
So, yeah, it does feel like a year where the Bengals
will make the playoffs and lose in the first round.
Every other year, yeah.
Yeah, they might be like, what, nine and seven,
sneak in and then get beaten in the first round.
Then they'll give Marvin Lewis a 10-year extension at that point.
Yeah, they're never going away.
Seriously, with the Browns, I do think they're going
to win seven games this year.
But to answer your question, who would I pick out of the AFC
that didn't make the playoffs last year?
I think the Texans.
Right.
Well, and the Broncos.
I mean, you're two picks.
So, the Broncos were a victim of complimentary football
in my mind last year.
I watched, I remember I bet on the Broncos
against the Bills in like week four
when that offense couldn't do anything
and that defense knew they had to pitch a shutout,
it all kind of fell apart.
Yeah, it was two, and talking to those defensive players,
it drained them, man.
I mean, they didn't work out anything.
Yeah.
It really did.
I think, I'm with you.
I think, because I think Keenum's better than people
getting credit for too.
In fact, when I was in Minnesota the other day,
I asked this question to some of the guys
standing around, I go, is Kirk Cousins, as is right now,
that much better than the Case Keenum
you guys saw here last year?
The answer's no.
I mean, it's some legitimate questions.
No, the answer is Case Keenum played really well last year.
Yeah, Case Keenum's peak is what you're going to probably
get out of Kirk Cousins.
Kirk Cousins, Case Keenum and Alex Smith
was just a three-way swap for an average quarterback.
I'm with you.
I would tend to agree with you.
Duplicate player.
Here's my Seat Geek question,
my Peak Geek question for Pete Prisco.
How much have you benched these days?
I'm not lifting as much anymore.
I told you, I got a high anal hernia.
I can't lift that much.
High anal hernia?
Sounds like it.
Not a high anal hernia, a high anal hernia.
Look it up.
A high anal hernia.
High anal hernia.
It's lifting.
So it's at the top of your colon.
So where's your ass?
It's at the top of my colon.
My colon is in my ass.
Yeah.
High anal.
Okay.
Yeah, high anal hernia.
By the way, you guys are about time
for your first colon off, aren't you?
No.
When is that?
No.
40.
Yeah.
50.
No, 50.
50, right?
I'm all we got a long time.
It's 40.
It's 44.
Your doctor coming over with the petroleum jelly
and saying, oh, it's this time.
No, I'm going dry.
I'm going to go dry when I do it.
40 is when we start getting physicals again.
Yeah.
Wait, I want to hear Pete's story
about getting his prostate checked.
Yeah.
Please tell us, Pete.
Okay.
All right.
One day, and by the way, my doctor's name
was Dr. Butcher, if you ever want to have a great day.
So I'm standing there and getting ready for that.
I put this, I didn't tell him I did this,
but you know, you're standing there and you go,
I go, I guess we're done, huh?
And I look over and you've got the tube with jelly over there.
And I'm like, you know, we're not.
I know.
All right.
Sorry.
I put a do not enter sign.
You're like, you're like a prank ready for you.
You're like a walking big dog shirt.
I love it.
That's how you live your life.
He cracked up a laugh and go loudly.
He said, okay, we'll just go with the blood work.
Oh, there you go.
Oh, so it actually worked?
Yes, you got rid of it.
Yeah.
Yeah, it worked.
Nice.
That is, by the way, that is the, it's like the,
I'd rather have a colonoscopy every day of the week
than have that done once.
Oh man.
All right.
Pete, last question.
We'll end with this.
Give us your best Tom Coughlin story.
You spent a lot of time covering those Jaguars teams
in the late 90s early aughts.
Tell us like what kind of guy Coughlin was
and maybe your best Tom Coughlin story.
Well, hey, back then he was a maniac.
Okay.
I love him now.
And we have a great relationship,
but he was absolutely nuts.
Okay.
Here's a great Tom Coughlin story.
The first year they go to Stephen's point with Constance
for training camp because he thought it was going to be cool.
Six weeks, they started July 6th.
Think about that because they played the Hall of Fame game
six weeks and it was like a hundred degrees every day.
So they train there.
They play preceding games and they have to go to Miami
for a preceding game.
But instead of breaking camp, he decides to go back
for another week to beat the daylights out of them.
And then they went to the Silver Dome to play the Lion.
Well, the Silver Dome had no air conditioning.
And when they were playing the game,
it was about a hundred in that place.
And they were got destroyed.
And Coughlin is so, they're so pissed at Coughlin.
I go into the locker room and every one of them goes,
it's our legs, Pete.
It's our legs.
He killed us.
So I write this story and file it for Friday's paper.
Well, I fly home the next day on Friday.
I had been home at six weeks.
My brother picks me up.
We have a bunch of us friends.
We go out.
We have a good time.
We're drinking.
Well, Saturday morning, at six o'clock,
I live with my brother and he knocks on the door
and he goes, Coughlin.
And I pick up the phone and he goes,
where'd I go?
Hello?
Yeah, because I feel like crap.
And he goes, you are better than screaming at me.
Don't you ever give those guys an excuse.
And I go, what are you talking about?
And he goes, you're starting a paper yesterday.
You gave him an excuse.
Don't give him an excuse.
He's berating me on the phone before I can even get anything out.
And I go, Tom, do I call your house at two o'clock in the morning?
No.
I go, good.
Don't call mine.
Quick.
And I hung up.
Don't give him an excuse is great, too.
Like not actually saying, hey, what you wrote is wrong.
Or like, I didn't beat the crap out of their legs.
Just saying, please don't let them come up with excuses.
I imagine Tom Coughlin has like a rolodex of journalists
that he calls every morning that are making excuses for his guys.
Yes.
Yes.
Hey, by the way, here's a great call for this.
This is just how crazy he was.
And this, this one, I share this one with everybody.
Because Jeff Law, he had a-
No, no, no, no, no, no.
This is exclusive.
So you've never said this before.
You know, okay.
But he has a rule book, okay?
A rule that he hands out to the players every year, in fact, that.
And in the rule book, it said you had to wear a tie on the road.
Well, Jeff Logganon, who was always pushing back on him
because he was the player rep.
Where's the tie?
But it's a bolo tie.
And so Coughlin walks up to him and gives him the call for fading.
You know, tie, you know, you know, wear that tie.
And Logganon goes, it is a tie.
It's a bolo tie.
And when the next year, in the rule book, it said cloth tie is all.
That's awesome.
I like it.
Attention to detail.
That's right.
It's it.
A bolo tie is literally a second stringer.
Yes.
You can't go into that mentality.
Yes.
I'm telling you.
The stories are endless.
He once drafted a kid with a mow.
I was trying to kill with a mohawk.
Had the kid cut the mohawk and then caught him.
That's awesome.
He's just cleaning up the streets one one player at a time.
Yeah.
He's fixing the younger generation.
It was like everything and anything that was anti-called.
Like we had a guy that I worked with, John Osho.
You have a little ponytail on the back.
He now works with a jar of wires.
Coughlin would look at that thing with such this stain every week.
Unbelievable.
Oh, man.
I just love the mohawks.
I was a guy that was there every single day.
And I never missed prayer.
Well, one time I got food poisoning at this little place
around the corner over there.
And it was a Friday and I couldn't go.
And that was the day I only had my time with him.
You know, it was just being him.
So Osho walks over to him and he goes,
you know, I got to get with you today because Pete's not here.
And he looked at him and he goes, yeah, he's got food poisoning.
And Coughlin just looked at him and went, oh, that's a blow.
So you're heading out to California now.
Is that right?
Yeah.
Going to see the Rams on Wednesday and then the Chargers on Thursday.
All right.
Sounds good.
Safe travels.
Hopefully you don't have any flight delays.
But if you do, you know where to reach me.
Yeah.
Or anybody put in their damn seat back in front of me.
Yeah.
Make sure maybe take a video of your method and tweet it out for the people.
I will.
I got to believe me.
I'm good at that.
You know, I've gotten into some account.
I don't get into fights and play, but I'm not afraid to tell somebody, hey,
you know, the armrest game.
I play that one too.
Some old man.
With a little T-rex.
Some old man was sitting next to me in a flight from Atlanta
less, about four months ago and he starts elbowing my arm, like giving it to me.
So I stood up and I go, dude, you ain't winning that one.
And next thing I know, so I felt so bad.
I backed the old man down and I had to apologize to him.
Oh man.
All right, Pete.
Thank you so much.
Everyone check out Pete.
CBS Sports.
He does some of the best stuff on the NFL and he watches the tape.
And he watches the tape.
He watches the tape.
He likes Christian Ponder more than Cam Newton.
That's what the tape told him.
Bring back to George Pete.
No, never.
I got bonobos now.
All right.
Thanks, man.
Appreciate it.
That was fun.
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All right, let's get to some segments.
First up, we have Bachelor Talk for guys that don't watch The Bachelor.
Are we done?
Are we close to done?
Close to done.
Last night was the Men Tell All episode.
I'm ready to be done.
Finally, guys can talk freely.
Yep, so all the people that have been eliminated, they come,
they discuss the season, reflect, whatever.
Why can't we say certain words?
That's what they're probably, the guys talk all.
Like, hey, why can't men just do whatever they want all the time?
Oh, wait, we already do that.
Becca, at the end, says she's still friends with Tia,
even after Tia admitted to still having feelings for Colton.
That doesn't sound like men telling all that sounds like...
I gotta write this down.
Say it again.
Tia, Becca, and Tia.
Becca says she's still friends with Tia,
even after Tia admitted to still having feelings for Colton,
who is the Virgin.
Yeah, of course.
Colton's still in it.
He's a chick magnet.
See, I wrote that down for you.
No, this is all the people that,
this is everyone that was in the season come back.
Becca goes to Tia, Tia goes to cut.
Oh, they all come back.
Yeah, it's like, you know how they do like the reunion shows?
It's like a reunion show before the season ends.
But wait, Colton likes Becca?
Colton is the Virgin.
Likes Becca.
Tia likes Becca.
Colton thought he was gonna...
He told her he's a Virgin,
thinking she was gonna bring him into the sweet honeymoon.
Good strategy.
Didn't happen.
Last night, I wasn't watching.
Is Tia a guy or a girl?
Tia's a girl.
Okay.
I wasn't watching, but it was on in another room,
and I heard this part.
Oh, yeah.
Absolutely hilarious.
Just on another room.
Colton, they were asking about the whole Virgin thing,
and he said the Virgin thing really rattled him,
because people kept calling him a pussy,
because he's never seen one.
That's a fucking grape.
That's pretty good.
As he was crying, he was crying.
He was literally crying, and he was like,
people keep calling me a pussy,
because I've never touched one.
That's such a good bird.
Holy shit, dude.
That was not worth going on The Bachelor.
He should have come back with,
well, you are what you eat, so I can't be a pussy.
Oh, my God.
That's such a bad fucking bird.
What I'm thinking, though, Colton,
if he plays his cards right,
he could be the first guy ever
to lose his virginity in a threesome.
You think that's true?
I feel like a lot of...
Maybe like Einstein.
Einstein, I think...
He fucked his cousin and someone else.
FDR.
Yeah, true.
Yeah, he had the iron lung in there, too.
People don't talk about that enough.
Einstein married his cousin.
The smartest guy in my ass.
The fan favorite grocery store Joe,
who was eliminated the first night,
he returned to a standing ovation.
Wait.
God, it's like Jimmy Garoppolo.
I totally forgot what grocery Joe...
Why was he grocery Joe?
He works at a grocery store.
He good at grocery stores.
Oh, okay.
It's pretty simple.
Okay.
Hey, make sure to double bag it, Joe.
Probably gets that a lot.
Yep.
That's it.
That's it?
All right, what a shitty season
the bachelor's was done with this season.
I'm considering not doing this segment anymore
just because how disappointed I am
with the producers of the show.
Damn.
So annoying.
Okay, we have John Gruden Time Machine.
So it's a...
As you probably know, we do this segment
when John Gruden has come back to coaching
and he has not learned how to adapt to 2018 NFL.
And we have a perfect case of that
with the Raiders.
Titan and Jared Cook was born in 1987.
John Gruden is showing team football film
that is older, he said.
He's bringing out film from 1976
when you ain't even think they had film.
Grainy film where you can barely see the players
added some of play's schemes originate there.
I love it.
It's insane.
I love it.
I mean, maybe he's so far in the past
that he's actually in the future.
Like, there aren't any other coaches out there
that are willing to go that far back in history.
So it's stuff that's new.
So no forward pass.
What's old is new again.
I think John Gruden is going to be
such a disaster for the Raiders,
but I am so excited to watch it.
Yeah, it's going to be an incredible football to watch.
It's going to be three yards in a cloud of dust.
They're going to get figured out by week three.
Try to stop us.
Yeah, try.
So we're going to be tougher than you.
That's his whole thing.
He's like, I love how he's trying to relate to millennials too.
He's like, he's going to play like Fortnite with them.
Yeah.
You guys like Fortnite?
Oh, no way.
No, what he's going to do is he's going to be like,
you like Fortnite?
How about what does that mean?
Like a sleepover in Alcatraz?
Yeah, we'll lock you guys up there.
How about you guys don't get to eat food for two weeks?
Yeah, that's that's my version of Fortnite.
Yeah, I tell you what, I'm going to lock you guys in this room
and only one person is going to come out alive.
Yeah, that's my.
You guys love Fortnite.
Um, we have I want I wanted to add this one.
P. F. D. The owners should pay for their own stadium.
A segment that we'll throw out there.
You bleep that please.
This is just a little shout out to the people of Milwaukee
in Wisconsin.
So apparently the Bucks have a new stadium
and they sold naming rights.
So the Bucks have a new stadium that the public
has paid for $250 million from taxpayer money.
Then the stadium sold the naming rights to a software company.
Fun.
The same software company that got subsidies
government funding to stay in Wisconsin and not relocate
their headquarters.
So the government paid the software company,
the software company then took that money
and then paid the owners of the stadium,
which the people also paid for.
So the people of Wisconsin own the stadium.
They get fucked both ways.
But if so facto, their money paid for the stadium.
Yeah.
So means you can do whatever you want once you're inside.
Here's the deal.
You can have taxpayer funded stadiums.
If you let us drink beer in the fourth quarter.
Yeah.
Or it's just international waters.
Yes.
No laws inside the state.
Night fights.
Yeah.
Anything you want.
You can fight the players if you want.
But that's the rule.
Taxpayers pay for the stadium.
They get to decide the rules.
That's a hell of a scheme though.
Unreal scheme.
Unreal scheme.
That's, I mean, we need to get into this business
of just getting money from the government
and then using that to pay for stadium naming rights.
I just want to say if we don't get government funding,
part of my take is packing up shop.
Relocating.
We're relocating.
Buenos Aires.
So yeah, we could do Buenos Aires or Uruguay.
Uruguay.
Uruguay.
Yeah.
We're going to Uruguay.
We're going to Uruguay with Suarez.
People don't start just sending us money.
Yeah.
So send us some money or else we're out of here.
Yeah.
We're done.
Okay.
We have a last up before guys on chicks.
We have a herder injured for the blocking sled in Arizona.
Chandler Jones broke a blocking sled in half,
which don't say what you think you're going to say.
I mean, the Jones family has issues sometimes with things.
If you know what I'm saying, John Jones, whatever.
But that was a fucking impressive video.
That was really impressive.
I'm a little bit woke on this too,
because why do you have a camera that's filming this?
It was at a cool angle too.
It was like a GoPro.
You're not working on the off season and filming it.
No, but he wasn't.
What are you doing?
It wasn't him.
It was the team.
Good point.
And it was tweeted out by the team account.
So I'm a little bit woke.
He broke it.
You know what it looked like?
It like snapped apart at the mooring.
It looked like Sam Bradford just getting tackled by the knees.
That's how big of a snap off this was.
Careful.
That's my guy.
I don't want to jinx him.
He's a future Hall fan.
Yeah, the Cardinals won that trade with the Eagles.
No, I'm very woke on it.
I don't know.
I think I'm leaning towards fake on it.
Okay.
All right.
That's, I mean, I don't really know what they,
I guess they get the buzz.
You need some buzz.
They got a lot of buzz going.
You get some buzz.
There's nothing like that good, sweet buzz on the internet.
Well, it's also a dangerous game,
because you're going to see a lot of guys
trying to just break their equipment
so they don't have to practice anymore.
True.
This looks like I just reviewed it
for the first time.
It's a GoPro camera that looks like it's there all the time.
So it's not like they were specifically filming it
for this one shot.
They just, after he was so strong and broke the sled,
they went back and took the footage.
Interesting.
Right.
Interesting.
So you think they have that,
they're just filming the blocking sleds at all times?
It's kind of weird.
Interesting.
But it's not like-
Don't they have one of those shows?
Aren't they on like Amazon or some shit?
No, that was three years ago.
But okay, that's point still stands.
Maybe the cameras are still there.
Yeah.
They forgot to take all the cameras away.
Okay.
All right. Well, you're slowly convincing me.
It is a weird angle though because you could make the argument
that they're like looking at their technique,
but it wasn't from an angle that you could figure out
someone's technique.
Yeah.
It's like behind the sled.
Exactly.
It wasn't, it's not usable for coaching.
Right.
You'd put it, if you wanted technique,
it'd be like above the sled.
It's all, yeah.
Speaking of sleds and cinematography,
it reminds me of like Citizen Kane.
Are they going to come out next week
and say the sled's name is Rosebud?
Is this like a big long thing that they're playing on us?
Everyone's getting that reference.
Yeah.
All right. Let's do guys on chicks.
There's all, shout out to,
shout out to all the dads listening who were like,
yeah, PFT.
Citizen Kane.
I read that movie.
I took that elective in high school.
Quick, quick guys on guys, this kid damned and said,
I'm having a meeting to discuss sex with my girlfriend's dad.
Any power moves I should try.
Yeah. Don't just don't have that meeting.
Get a new girl, run away.
That sounds...
Break up with her.
How does that conversation even start?
Like what, I want to sit you down
and talk to you about fucking my daughter.
He's like, boy, I'm going to work with you on your stroke.
Oh my God.
We need an update from that guy.
Please. Actually, you know what?
Is he a GoPro?
Yeah.
Get Arizona Cardinals GoPro and film that entire conversation.
Is he going to give you technique tips?
Is he going to be like, listen.
Don't.
She only comes on top.
Yeah.
So you have to be patient.
She really likes reverse cowgirl.
That's really what she's into.
What's your tongue like?
Let me see that mobility.
Yeah, yeah. Here.
Here, lick this lollipop.
I want to see how, I want to see it in action.
Gentlemen, Bubba.
I have a FWB who insists on reminding me
that we are just friends after we hook up.
The terms of this friendship are very clear and mutual.
Why does he do this?
I don't even have his number saved in my phone slash
am not the one to initiate.
Kind of makes me feel bad about myself.
So you don't have his number saved in your phone.
But you're fucking him.
Friends with benefits.
Sounds like a good set up.
I think you need to just tell him that.
Because it sounds like he's thinking that you're
pressed over him.
For some reason, this guy thinks like he's kink shit.
So next time he says that, just be like,
yeah, I don't even have your number saved.
Yeah, just be like, hey, what are you doing later?
Hold on, let me get your number real quick.
Yeah.
Right after you have sex.
Mm-hmm.
Just be like, I haven't put it in my phone.
Or next time he texts you, just be like, who's this?
That's a good idea.
Yeah, how do you not have the guys, are you friends with
benefits with like a homeless person?
What's going on here?
How do you not have the guys phone?
I mean, I don't know.
She says she doesn't have it saved.
Yeah, I've been in that position before.
You reach a certain point in a text relationship
with a friend where it becomes awkward for you
to actually go in and add a contact.
Yeah.
I know that area code.
I know who this is.
Well, and it's also fun.
There's people that you text with once or twice,
and you're like, I'm never going to save this number.
And then they text out of the blue,
and you have to go like, you're almost like a sleuth.
You're like, who is this?
What was this conversation?
I had six months ago.
Then you're like, hey, how do you spell your name again?
Yeah.
And then they have to tell you their name.
Oh, I thought it was Jonathan with an H.
Bob.
Yeah.
Still Bob.
Subcuttle monster PMT.
I don't know.
I'm not sure what that means.
That's all of us.
We'll all cuddle you.
Well, that was my Mount Rushmore.
Right.
That's what I wanted.
But she said PMT.
Yeah, she wants us to cuddle.
She meant PFT.
She wants us to suffocate her in cuddles.
Yeah.
Let's spoon.
Why do girls have better handwriting than guys?
Because guys, their wrist muscles are always cramped up
from drinking off too much.
I always get made fun of because I have good handwriting.
So I don't even know the answer to this.
I just know that I paid attention in second grade.
Hey, boys, if my ex-boyfriend still lets me use his Amazon Prime account,
but we don't talk at all, does he still love me?
Well, let's.
OK, listen, this is, well, this is an issue that I think
we can need to explain to the women out there.
There are things that you sign up for as a guy that really,
like the only thing that will stop you from paying for it
is if your credit card, if you get a new credit card,
I'm paying for ESPN Insider for like 15 years now,
and I have not used ESPN Insider for 14 years.
And I'm still getting like $6.99 every single month.
And I just, I could cancel it, but it's more of a hassle
to cancel something.
So I think he just doesn't even know.
That's why I came up with my invention for like an app
that plugs into your bank account that's like, hey, shithead,
you're still paying for Planet Fitness
and you don't live within 200 miles of one.
Speaking of which, I have a Planet Fitness membership
that I signed up for.
Remember when I signed up for three months ago?
Same.
Yeah.
I've been once.
Really?
Yeah.
I've, yeah, I haven't been to Planet Fitness in like a year.
Well, the thing is I, I signed up,
they make you give first months and second and last month.
Ever since they told me I can't work out naked in there.
It's like, what's the point?
Well, what I did was I went to it
and then I realized they didn't have cell phone service
in the basement.
Yeah.
So it's like, okay.
It's like, well, what am I here for?
What's the point of going to the gym
if you can't sit on the bench and look at Twitter the whole time?
Or just go to the gym, take some pre-workout,
sit on the toilet and just shit for 20 minutes,
sweating, and then tweet and then go home.
Right.
That's also a workout.
Wait, what was the question again?
Yeah.
Amazon Prime?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Sounds like a cool guy.
He loves you.
He loves you.
Yeah, you guys are going to get married.
Hey guys, especially Liam.
Sup.
It's been 50 days and I still haven't gotten my period.
My boyfriend and I only had unprotected sex
one time since my last period,
but I'm starting to get worried.
Am I pregnant?
50 days?
Yeah, no, you're fine.
You're fine.
It's fine.
It's nothing.
I'm puking in the morning just randomly,
but I wasn't drinking the night before.
It's a lot, I feel like.
I feel like that's a maybe go check that thing out.
But I, you know what?
If you get it checked out, you might get an answer you don't want to hear.
Exactly.
Ignorance is bliss, so credit to you for being like,
hey, I've just put on some weight.
Yeah, you know, a human being growing inside your stomach,
but you never actually confirmed that that's what's happening.
Just drink more beer.
Don't do that.
No, don't do that.
Don't do that.
My boyfriend always tries to give me advice
when I inventing about work.
Why is this a thing?
Is it that hard to listen without trying to resolve it?
Yeah, because we want to end the conversation.
And so the only way to end the conversation is to solve it.
Yeah.
So, but the only, there's like one hiccup in this plan,
and that's that guys really suck at solving things.
Right.
So he's giving you a lot of really shitty advice,
but his heart's in the right place.
Yeah, you have to understand guys like problem solving for us,
even if we're really bad at it,
problem solving makes us feel like big, strong, masculine men.
Yeah.
Like, hey, here's a damsel in distress.
You're basically the cartoon.
You're like tied up on a railroad track,
being like, oh, my co-worker has really bad breath.
And we're like, oh, we'll save you.
So just let him pretend that he can save you.
Yeah.
We're like MacGyver trying to invent a way
to fix your problem with just like a piece of string
and like a piece of like some old chewing gum.
Yeah.
So just tune him out because he probably tunes you out
and just never actually have a meaningful conversation.
What you have to do, you have to start solving his solve
and just be like, here's why you're an asshole
and an idiot for trying to solve it this way.
Or just do exactly what he says and then come back
the next day and be like, hey, you got fired.
And then he'll never solve the problem again.
That's it.
I have a question quickly.
Do you guys like, do you guys know how to like hang shit up
in your house?
Like when you guys move?
Like are you?
Yeah.
Do you guys the ones that do that?
What?
TV no.
TV?
Yeah.
Oh, too.
That's pictures.
Yeah.
Wall mount?
Well, first thing you guys do is get a stud finder.
Yeah.
Well.
And after it's done pointing at me,
then you put it on the wall.
Yeah.
Get it?
Yeah.
We got it.
Yeah.
That was a good one.
I should say PFT might have hung his one TV.
I have three.
So it's three in the living room.
So I, you know, yeah, Hank, you should definitely
have someone else do the TV.
You can do the art.
Do you have art?
I have a frame Tom Brady picture game.
Of course you do.
Of course you do.
You can do that.
You can for sure to get a level.
It's like cost you two bucks at the Home Depot.
Get a level.
You can make sure you don't do the thing where you have it
too low or too high.
Yeah.
Don't eyeball it.
Yeah.
Just and then, but get someone else do the TV.
Don't be ashamed to have someone else come in because it
feels like good.
Like, okay, now you got it perfect.
Here's a little tip.
If you're going to get something framed,
make sure it's one of the frames that just has like
the string in the back.
Not the multiple areas that you have to hang it up
because if it's just got the string,
you just hammer a nail into the wall.
Hank's going to have holes all over his wall.
It's going to be awesome.
Send us a picture of his Swiss cheese.
Hank's wall.
All right.
We will see everyone on Friday.
Love you guys.
Take on me.
Take on me.
I'll be gone.
Don't need less to say.
I'm not so near.
Spend with me.
Stop playing away.
Learning that the life is okay.
Very good.
Say after me.
It's not better to be safe than sorry.
Take on me.
Take on me.
Take me.
Oh, take on me.
I'll be gone.
Here I take on me.
I'll be gone.
Here come the flanks here.
Oh, the flanks that you say.
Isn't a life for just to play my worries away.
You're all the things I got to remember.
Trying to wait.
I'll be coming for your love anyway.
Take on me.
Take on me.
Take me.
Oh, take on me.
I'll be gone.
Here I take on me.
Take on me.