Pardon My Take - NFL Week 2 Recap, Fastest 2 Minutes, And An Ernestine Bayless Monday Reading

Episode Date: September 16, 2019

NFL Week 2 fastest 2 minutes (2:42). We recap every game from Sunday in a whip around the league (10:42). Does Big Ben see a Vet instead of a doctor ( 40:32), does Pat Shurmur suck? (34:12) Why is Kliff Kingsbury such a coward? Bengals fans hate Andy Dalton. The Dolphins are historically bad (31:07) and the Bears have no Offense and more. Who's back of the week (78:39). Football guy of the week, Respect the Biz, and a Monday Reading about Ernestine Bayless and her new book "Balls!" You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. On today's part in my take NFL week two. We do the fastest two minutes. We recap the entire league. No guest Mondays. We're doing it again back by popular demand. Everyone seemed to like it. So we're going to touch on every single game. We also have a Monday reading a very special Monday reading and football guy of the week. Before we do that, I have a new offer from the cash app. So I'm going to flip it around because the cash app, they wrote this ad. I'm going to read the whole ad, but I'm going to give you the new offer first because it's unbelievable. The cash app wants to hook up our friends in the gambling

community for football season. So tweet your cash tag to at part of my take with your losses and bad beats and they'll select a lucky few degenerates all season long with free money. Holy shit. That's pretty nice. Holy shit. So we're brought to you by the cash app. The cash app is the most powerful way to send spend and save. You already know the cash app is the number one finance app in the app store. What you might not know is that you can also put cash app in your wallet with the cash card. It's the only debit card that offers instant rewards and comes packed with premium features. Even a credit card can offer like boosts. You can get 10% off your entire purchase at DoorDash and even save every time you shop at Whole Foods or Target plus more your favorite places.

Check out all the boosts available to you right from your cash app and use them instantly when you swipe your cash card. The cash card has no fees and a credit check isn't required to get one. Just instant savings when you add a boost. Cash app is also the easiest way to buy, sell and deposit Bitcoin. Most Bitcoin exchanges take days for it being transferred to become investable through the cash app. It takes seconds, invests as little as $1 and boom, you own Bitcoin. Welcome to the club. Download the cash app now through the App Store, Google Play Store now and get your cash card for free. Tweet, cash app, your cash tag to add app, pardon my take, tweet it as well and they'll hook up someone with some bad beats and losses

and download the cash app with referral code barstool and you'll receive $5 and another $5 to go to the ASPCA. A true win-win so download now. Okay, let's go. It's pardon my take presented by Barstool Sports. Welcome to pardon my take presented by the cash app. Go download it right now. Use code Barstool. You get $5 to yourself, $5 to ASPCA. A true win-win today is Monday, September 16th, week two. It's good to be back, teach. Behind the paywall boom, just like we always hoped. We starred in Diarrhea Chili Town where the 49ers faced off against the NFL League leader and passing

Andy Dalton. Joe mixed in the water, looked hungover Sunday, averaging 1.5 yards a rush. Was it Friday? Because Debo Samuel showed up and stole the show. Jimmy Garoppolo feasted all over Cincinnati like it was the San Gennaro. Hey boom, who put all this spaghetti in my cinnamon in my chili? I think I got to the Diarrhea. When the moon hits your eye like a big spiral pie, that's amore. George Skittle tasted the rainbow and the 49ers looked like I did back in the 80s when a young Schwam was at Candlestick Park watching the catch. Oh, how time passes by. Niners 41, Bengal 17, whoop, whoop. Tick, tick, tick. And the motor city we go where the San Diego Superchargers squared off with the Detroit Lions in an old school slug fast. Matt, prank me home

tonight, had two tickets to Paradise that he missed, whoop, whoop. But the Lions overcame a fourth quarter deficit and were Eddie Money down the stretch. Speaking of Eddie Money, my good friend. From? From? From? Not now, Teach. My good friend, Eddie Money, gone too soon. Once said, baby, hold on to me. Whatever will be, will be. So eloquent, boom. Lions 13, Chargers 10, whoop, whoop, whoop. Hey, good, go. Oh, no, wait. In each town where it was Gardner, it's raining men shoe. Hallelujah. As the Jaguars had a ferocious fourth quarter comeback and Doug Marone said Utah, give me two, but couldn't get a point break. Jalen Mason Ramsey told Doug Marone, if you ain't got no giddy up, then giddy out my way as the two exchange words on the sideline.

What's that? Lil Nas X, did he? All the kids are saying boom. Houston's got all the horses in the back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, Texans 13 Jaguars 12. To the frozen tundra where two NFC Norse Tuggernauts face off, and Aaron Rodgers once again treats his cousins like shit. Ported my friends, but Matt LaFleur, huh, huh? Absolutely, skull fucked the viking so hard, it looks like Mike Zimmer is going to have to put that iPads on. Skull! Devonte Adams saying let it left everyone happy in Madison. As big daddy Aaron Rodgers is finally acting like a grown up instead of a boner dog, as his new French coach looks on into the ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho,

they honored the great Bart Starr at Lamo Sunday. I remember when a young swam, wasn't getting an honoring Bart Starr. Oh, how time passes. Packers 21, Viking 15. Hi, I'm the Colts, and I have Direct TV, and I'm the Titans, and I have Rable. It doesn't look like Mike Rable will be cutting the cord on his penis any time soon after the Titans coughed up a late lead in Nash Vegas on Sunday. Jacob Coby Brisket burnt the tight ends and left them chafed like a dry rub, and the ageless wonder Adam Vinitari adds to his hall of fame career with an extra point. This guy's never going to retire. Colts 19, Titans 17. This is what the fishermen of Taiji in Japan don't want you to see.

One of the world's most intelligent animals gasping for life as its hunters watch on. For more than two minutes, this dolphin struggles to stay afloat. Finally, distressed and exhausted, it can take no more. It gives one last thrash of its tail before its captors drag it away to be slaughtered. Patriot 43, Dolphin Zero. In Washington, home of the Russian bots, where Prescott was dacking the USSR, you don't know how lucky you are, cowboys. Jason Witton defies the odds of Blake Jarwinism as he proves yet again in survival of the widest for the titan. Adrian Peterson, who has a healthy scratch last week and a touching tribute to his performed form of child discipline,

stumbled and bummeled to 25 yards and the Redskins fans aren't so keen on their playoff chances after 0-2 start. Cowboys 31, the Redskins 21. To the metal lands where the G-men went up against New York's number one team, the Buffalo Bills. Josh Allen Dershowitz was racking up the barely legal bills and scoring on the Giants who were stuck at 14. Saekwan means Business Barclay was the lone bright spot for the Giants with 107 yards and a visit to pay dirt. But these aren't your fathers, G-men. They're the ghetto men and they stink. Hey, Teege. Yeah, boom. No one circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills. Bills 28, G-men 14. The New York football Giants. They're not going to get him. In Mile High where Michael Vic Fangio turned the dogs loose

on Mitch Trabisky all afternoon long, as Drake famously said, his flakko elite, I said only partly, I only love the height and the spirals, I'm sorry. And the Bears are left wondering, imagine if I never Mitch Trabisky's. To quote the famous Eddie Pinheiro, his game-winning kick was God's plan. God's plan. Bears 16, Broncos 14. Two Los Angeles where the Saints found themselves on a teddy bridge over troubled water as Jared Simon and Goffunkel carved up the Saints' defense. Without Drew Brees, the New Orleans Sid, I got an Alvin camera. I love to take a photograph so mama don't take my dome sweet home away as I head to Seattle for another road test before heading homeward bound. Rams 27, Saints 9, refs 7. We finished in Oakland for the final football

game on our baseball field and the always electric Patrick Mahomes lighting up the scoreboard. We have Patrick down on field level to recap the game. Patrick, to you. Thanks, bro. So good to see you guys back again. I'm gonna miss playing on that old ball field. You know, I was a baseball player just like my cool dad. So making these throws out there on the diamond reminds me of the old ball game. Did you see that guy dressed up like Andy in the crowd? Holy cats, that guy was tickling my funny bone. Man, I tell you, it was Nino Moschino to see Coach Reed in the black hole because just about every time I see him, he's consuming a Milky Way. People forget in the draft the Bears took Mitch Shribusky with a second overall pick while I was still on the board.

But heck, it looks like they made the right decision because Mitch is balling out. He'd be flackled today and shoot out for the age. So good job of win, win, win all around. All right. Week two in the books while we still have money in our football, but week two mostly in the books. Yeah. I mean, it was a wild week too. I feel like everyone got injured. We have a million injuries. We did that, that tweet that everyone loves to do. Like it's only week two when we've already lost. And then just list Drew Brees, Ben Rautzelsberger, Sam Darnold, who is he injured? Yeah, his nucleosis is orange. If you have two nucleosis is you don't have one. So we're going to do the we're going to do the recap of the entire week to no guest again.

Everyone loved it last week. I think we're going to do this every Monday to get to touch on every game. Yeah. Just me and big cat fucking a football. Let's do it logo for today's episode. So it's also after week two, you have to say there are more questions than answers big time these teams big time. So actually let's do this before we hop into like the Sunday afternoon games. Let's just do the game. We just watched the Atlanta Falcons. I think are now 11 and one in home openers in their last 12. I finally get paid back for always betting on the Falcons, which I've lost way more money than I won tonight, but it felt good and news flash. The Eagles are like insanely injured already in week two. Yeah. Everybody took a trip to the tent today.

It was kind of a crazy game. I thought the Eagles were going to win it at the end. Juliards, his husband made that catch. I thought when I first saw it that he made it to the line to gain, but it was a parallax angle. So he didn't get there after all. Carson Wentz, I think is still pretty good. Well, he does. He does this thing where it was like the perfect Carson Wentz game where he wasn't very good to start. Everyone's like, this guy, he's the league. He's supposed to be a league MVP. Then he gets hurt. Then everyone says, well, he's hurt. So that's why he's playing bad. Then he played great and almost brought them back to victory like in two different drives when the game was on the line. And you look at it and you say, oh yeah, that's why that

guy is so good and everyone thinks highly of him. But now we leave week two and be like, okay, is he hurt or is he not hurt? Right? It's crazy to watch in the Falcons play because if you were to compare this game to what they did in Minnesota last week, it's like, it's a schizophrenic team. They are the worst. Two personalities of Dan Quinn. He either wants to kick a field goal on fourth and short or fourth and long. Matt Ryan, I don't know what it is. He just, when he gets to the red zone, he just decides this is exactly where I want to be to throw an interception. He threw three picks tonight. The Falcons are lead the league. And this is a stat I haven't looked up, but I'm just going to say it. Lead the league and fucking up in the red zone. Yeah,

no, that's an advanced analytics that I just came up with that the Falcons lead the league. I'm going to one up you and say that going back to 2015, they lead the league and fucking up in the red zone. Every single Falcons game comes down to them fucking up in the red zone. That's why they won this game because they didn't even get in the red zone. They just threw like three yard screens of Julio Jones and let him run. They should do that more often, throw a 75 yard touchdown, stay out of the red zone entirely. Like from, they do better when they're inside their opponents red zone, right? Which would be what zone is that the brown zone? Yeah, the opposite red zone, whatever that is. What do you have on the color spectrum?

The is no orange. We'll get a Pantone check on that. All right. Well, yeah, either way, the Falcons are back and the Eagles now, like you said, more questions. I think everyone on the team is injured. Yeah, everyone's injured with the Falcons. I think the Falcons are in the Catbird seat. My favorite term of the NFC South because that division is hot trash. We're going to get to it. It's hot trash. I'm going to dangle this out here for right now. I'm considering putting the done chain on the Panthers. I mean, that's that makes sense because the Panthers, we talked about on Friday, but Cam Newton is broken, right? And their whole system's broke, right? They don't have anywhere to go without Cam Newton. Well, maybe what's his name? Will

Greer will Greer. That's right. Okay, so let's do let's start with the the one o'clock games. I want to start with the 49ers and Bengals. The game the Hank was most looking forward to. Yeah. The story here is, did you see the video where someone captured a Bengals fan sending a text to his friend from the nosebleeds and the text read fucking Andy Dalton. I hope he dies on the field in the second half so I can run on the field and stop on his corpse. That's pretty strong. Yeah. I mean, I don't think he really minced any words there. Yeah. I'd like to see him try to get on the field to stop on his court. I feel like if Andy Dalton dies on a football field, I see his point because they should just like let him lay there for a while. They should just like let nature

take its course, have him decompose slowly on the field. They probably won't know. It's probably better facilities than the Bengals would have. Anyways, it's been money on on undertakers and coroners in Cincinnati. Here's a fun fact, though, for that guy who wants to murder Andy Dalton, league leader in passing yards through week two, Andy Dalton. How many yards did he have today? He had, I think he had like 400 yards or something, 300 yards. He had 400 yards, maybe week one and three. He's leading the league with like 750 yards or some somewhere around there. Yeah, they're never going to give him up. No. The Andy Dalton needs to be the Bengals quarterback in perpetuity until he physically can't do it until he does die on the field. It also was one

of those classic games where all Andy Dalton had 311 yards today. All the problems the Bengals had last year after week one, everyone's like, Oh, maybe they're fixed. Turns out none of them are fixed. The offensive line stinks and the defense really stinks. The defense isn't very good at all. I don't know what to make of Zach Taylor yet. I'm trying to, I'm trying to get a vibe on him. And he's a tough guy to vibe out on because he's like, he looks like an assistant coach on the sidelines. He looks like the guy whose job it is to catch the passes for the quarterback and then hand the quarterback the ball. Right. He doesn't pop on the sidelines. He doesn't have a thing yet. He needs, we need to figure out a thing. He needs a vibe. I would say, I would go as far as says,

he's got a sketchy vibe. Oh, he's sketchy? Yeah, he is sketchy because you just don't know what he's doing. He's one of those guys, he shows up at a party and all your friends that are girls look at each other with like the side glances. I don't know. Who is this guy? Is he going to let Andy Dalton be the quarterback all year? But now weird vibes. This also was the Jimmy G game because he actually played a good game, which everyone's been waiting for. And on top of all that, I love when we can just count on things in the NFL. And because Kyle Shanahan, Mike Shanahan son, we can now count on the 49ers always having a no name guy be awesome at running the football. Yeah. Well, he's not no name. He's pretty good. Still, he will plug in anyone and they will get

a hundred yards. I think that their starter got injured. I might be wrong on that. I think he got, he got banged up and then Brita is the guy that's, he's always been the fancy football players like, Oh, if he just got more touches, he's amazing. He's like the new Duke Johnson. They had three guys who had over 10 cut touches. Raheem Mostert. Am I saying that right? Jeff Wilson, Jr. He sounds like a race car driver and Matt Brita. And they just ran the ball and ran the ball 234 rushes between or yards between those three guys. And I just love it because it's back to old school. Mike Shanahan. We're like, whoever they put in that system, he'll just, he'll just rip defenses up the zone blocking one. Yeah. And you can, when you can, when you can

like go to sleep knowing these things, it feels good. Yeah. Put your foot in the ground, get down hill. Alfred Morris can do it. You can do it. Yeah. It's like Kyle Shanahan and Belichick are the two guys that come to mind that fucking hate fantasy football owners so much that they almost get a sick pleasure, a sick perverted twisted pleasure out of not like nobody being able to guess who's going to get the lion's share of the touches right in the backfield during any given game with Belichick. It went so far that he was like, I'm going to put Aaron Hernandez back here for a game and let the, I'm going to let the murderer get 4.5 yards per. What was the guy's name who had like four touchdowns and then got cut? Gray. No. Yeah. No, no. The guy who went on,

he was on the cover of like Sports Illustration. Yeah. It was gray. Was it? Yeah. It was gray. Jonas Gray. Jonas Gray. Yeah. Yeah. And then he like looked at Belichick wrong. He missed a team playing. I love it. I love it. Can't do that. The 49ers are a classic team through two weeks. They're two and O and I have no idea if they're good or not. Yeah. Are we sure that they're good? I know the record says that they're good, but we're not sure if they're good. Next week they get to play the Steelers, which I also don't know at home bad or good. Yeah, at home. So we won't know until probably till the Rams week five. All right. Next up, we have Chargers at Lions, Anthony Lynn. You're a fucking idiot. That's what I wrote down. Okay.

Because Anthony Lynn went into this game without a kicker and had his punter kick field goals, and he missed them both. It's the same motion and they lost by three and he missed the 39er and a 41 yarder. And it's like, what, what are you doing? I also, the other thing I noted was Matt Stafford is like a junkyard fill rivers. He's like a less accomplished fill rivers. They both have the same vibe where they could throw a horrible interception or they could bring their team back in the fourth quarter and like with withstand multiple injuries and, and hardcore sacks and blind sides. They never see the blind side sack coming, right? And they can throw the ball around the yard. Yeah, they don't feel pain. And what I'm really enjoying about

Phillip Rivers at this point in his career is he's always had that weird shot put motion where he starts from his shoulder. It's getting further and further away from his butt. He has no like he doesn't bring the ball back at all. It starts in front of him. It's like a chest pass every time that he throws it and he can make it go 45 yards if he needs to. Yes, but he's fucking fun to watch and you see him with the nuns, the nuns in the front row in the pregame, dapping him up. He's like, all right, solidarity. Oh, I'm not gonna score just for y'all. Yes. Also, Lions fans. Lions fans are, I think two behind Raiders fans for most hilarious costumes that they all wear on Sundays. Okay, so it's just a whole section of them that just think you're completely normal

to dress up like lions. You're forgetting about Mr. Cat in Carolina. Yeah, but that's one guy. I'm talking about the Lions fans because now not to brag, but we have direct TV at the office. So we actually get to watch like the live feeds of the games. There were so many shots. I couldn't get my phone out fast enough of just Lions fans dressed up like animals and or looking like they gave a blow job to a robot and dressed in all silver and weird shit. I like that about about No, I love in Detroit. That's how you just go to a game. It's not like you don't go with like a work group or anything to the game. You've got your hardcore die hard season ticket fans that you've your family has spent like being neighbors with every Sunday or eight Sundays a year for

the last 40 years. And so they only know you as your name when you're dressed up. Oh, Bucks fans are sneaky like that. Bucks fans are too. But the all you need to know about Lions fans is that like season ticket holders for the Detroit Lions. Think about this. Have spent every single Thanksgiving with the Detroit Lions and not their family. That says that is the most hardcore you can get. Yeah, I'd rather be like, no, I'm not going to do anything with my family. I'm just going to go watch the shitty Lions be shitty. Right. I'd rather get nutted on by C3PO and put my gold glitter all over my face show up at a game and watch the Giants lose or the Lions lose by 30 points. The other thing I had here, Melvin Gordon, not a great day to be you again. Nope. Austin

Eckler had a had a pretty fumbled. He fumbled, but he had a pretty good game. And so Melvin Gordon paid Austin Eckler or he paid the Chargers update. He has now paid the Chargers, I think $600,000 and they've paid Austin Eckler $75,000. So they're just they're happy with the situation because they're making bank. The fumble was very big and ball security is job security. So if you're Melvin Gordon, you're just rooting for him to continue to fumble. Yeah. If the term fumble light is gets attached to him. Yes. He's got the fumbles. Then you can make a case that you need me back. Barstoolgold.com slash PMT. If you want to watch all of our episodes, Barstoolgold.com slash PMT. We got a big guest coming on Wednesday. If you want to watch that, it's an awesome one

bigger than Gronk, bigger than Gronk, taller, taller than Gronk Vikings Packers. Yes. Dalvin Cook is awesome. The Vikings went away from the playbook that we told them works. Don't let your quarterback be a quarterback. Don't let Curt Cousins throw the ball more than 10 times in a game. He threw it 32 times. That's that's almost four times more than 10. How many completions do you think he had out of 32, 17, 15, 14, 14 completions out of 32 with two interceptions. The Vikings just run the ball and play defense and their defense figured out Matt or sorry, Aaron Rodgers and Matt LaFleur in the second half because the Packers looked unbelievable in the first half and then they completely shut him down in the second half. But they had Curt Cousins who had to

bring him back and you can't do that. You can't you can't let Curt Cousins who you pay a lot of money to throw the football throw the football. Yeah, nothing in this world will break your spirit faster than having to be a fan that gets excited for Curt Cousins on a Sunday because you have to talk yourself into it if you're a Vikings fan, right? You're like he's going to put he can win this game for us. I tried to do this for two years in DC and it is so depressing being like Kirk is going to win this game for us and actually like believing in him going into a game and he's the worst kind of quarterback because he's the kind that's good enough where when he fucks up it really hurts you. It disappoints you. It's not like he's Nathan Peterman where he throws

an interception. You're like that's Nathan Peterman. That's funny. He's not Fitzpatrick where he throws a pick six and you're like hilarious. He's still in the league. He is good enough to give you enough hope where then when he fucks up he totally like drives you into a deep deep depression. He's he's like a magic eye back in the day when we had the magic eye books and you just have to go cross-eyed to try to see what you want to see. You have to you have to go cross-eyed every Sunday morning if you're a Vikings fan to try to see a quarterback. Yeah and you just stare at him for long enough and you think that eventually a quarterback will pop out and you're like nope it's still just a piece of dog shit. Yeah it's another one of these. It just looks like

a shitty wall. Okay I'll turn the calendar to October. Maybe it'll be a quarterback then. Not to break character or break the show up but how much computer battery do you have because I'm like about to die. I'm at 88. Oh thanks. Here you go. You got it. You got more than enough juice. I'll give you some juice. All right. Yeah I'm swimming in power over here. Also not to break the show up but that shirt is an all-time shirt. Oh the Nathan Peterman shirt. Yeah the Peter man. Fuck you Hank. All right. Also not to break. Also not to break the show up. Pink Whitney's. Let's talk about them real quick. For any of you stoolies out there who've been off the grid for the past few weeks we teamed up with our partners at New Amsterdam Vodka to

make our signature drink. The Pink Whitney official after rounds of taste tests we came across this seriously smooth blend of pink lemonade flavored vodka and we knew we had to bottle this one up. The Pink Whitney is perfect over ice chilled as a shot or topped off with a little club soda either way. This game changer on deck for your tailgates and watch parties this fall and if you can't find a bottle yet tell those pigeons at the liquor store to get some cases in stock brought to you by our partners at New Amsterdam Vodka as the official vodka of the NHL they're on a mission to help you find your wins all season long. Pink Whitney is actually delicious. I like it. Yeah it is delicious. Our good friend Ryan Whitney has a drink named after

himself. Can you believe it. Not the pride of situate Massachusetts. Gas and Whitney's and Chuck and Nox. That's what they do. Unbelievable that he has his own drink. The Pink Whitney's. Check him out. New Amsterdam Vodka. OK. Colt Titans. The field was on fire. Yes. The speaker caught fire pregame. That was awesome. I love this happens every now and then wasn't there. There's usually I think the Lions. I think maybe the Lions or maybe it was the Saints. There was a dome that had the turf on fire. Right. A couple of years from like a pyrotechnic. This was a speaker that was completely engulfed in flames. The only explanation I thought. Oxford had they handed swag doc scored. Yeah. Swag Kelly pumped some shit pregame. He had that Spotify

list going. Absolutely. It was a Viking funeral for country music basically. So the real story here is Adam Vinitieri is going to retire tomorrow. Well are we today reporting. You don't think he's going to be holding a press conference. I would assume Adam Vinitieri could be holding a press conference and calling the media together on a Monday morning for any number of reasons. We don't know that. He's just going to be like hey I fucked up. I'm sorry guys. I fucked up. Hank let me ask you this. Adam Vinitieri going to the Hall of Fame as a Colt or as one of ours a Patriot. Patriot. One of us. You think so. Yeah. More rings. More rings. I don't even know what played longer. He played longer in Indy though. Right. In all 2006 I think. But you don't. There's

no memorable Adam Vinitieri moments on the Colts. You want a Super Bowl for him. But there's nothing that like he had a lot of nothing that's imprinted in your memory of like Adam Vinitieri game winning kick. Here's what I remember. Here's what I remember from his time in Indianapolis when he made a field goal and then Tony Dunge said that guy's good on the on the sideline. There you go. He's like I've got a guy. He he's going to retire. His money is what he missed. What do you miss. Two extra points in a field goal. Yeah. And you missed an extra point yesterday or last week too. Yeah. But the Colts won. So that's got to count for something. And the Titans they are a classic team where you think you don't know what they are but I know exactly what they are. And they just

play ugly ass games. And Marcus Mariota is the most frustrating quarterback in the world to watch. Well there's a gentleman's agreement between every team in the NFC South AFC South that says we're never going to play a fun game to watch together. Yeah. It's all going to be but ugly shit fests. And we're going to just we're going to win 12 to 13. We're going to win 17 to 14. And we're going to do that every single time we get together. No one's going to like it. And then when the playoffs come around no one's going to know how to bet on us. I feel like Marcus Mariota is allergic to throwing 300 yards. He can't do it. I think you cannot do it. I think that's fair. I think that's totally fair to say that. I also think that Jim Hersey is going to go hog wild down in Nashville

tonight after winning a game there and buy like every single guitar in Opryland that Jim Hersey outfit that you tweeted the other day when he was wearing a suit coat and under armor sweat pants. Oh yeah. And Skechers. Holy black Air Force ones. That guy's got style. No asking. That's got to be so awesome though to be so rich that you can wear whatever the fuck you want. And no one will say hey man you look like an asshole. Yeah. No. It was Robert Kraft shirts for you for years. What. I mean it's a white color shirt. It's a ridiculous shirt. But because he's Robert Kraft no one's going to be like Mr. Craft please. Why wouldn't you just get a color that's the same color as your shirt. Because Mr. Craft exudes excellence. And he dates models who are into

fashion which clearly you know nothing about. You're right. It's unreal. If you're this rich you can you know just wear a sweatshirt and be like well it actually costs two thousand dollars. But if you can't hate on it. If you're wealthy then you can just wear the exact same thing every day. Steve Jobs did that. That's true. The lady from that scam company that took your blood did that. Theranos. Yeah. Yeah. Elizabeth Holmes did that. Every successful person Elizabeth Holmes. Billy. Billy McFarlane. He wears an orange jumpsuit every single day. Yeah. Only very very wealthy people can do this. It's it really is what as they as the kids say goals to to someday be so rich that you can dress like an asshole and have no one say a word. And no ass. Yeah. And no ass. No

ass whatsoever which by the way I there's a picture out there floating on me today. Ask. I got it. I got to do some squats to October's come around the corner. No asking. October's. It looks like shit just falls out of my ass. What does Sir Mix a lot of saying verted asking. You can do all the side bends and sit ups but don't lose that butt big cat. I need squat tober needs to get here fast. I think my butt's bigger than yours. Yeah probably. I have. I don't have a big dumper. I got you want me to say I got a big old chunky. Yeah. OK. Hank Patriots 43 Dolphin zero. Actually I don't know why I said Hank PFT. Yeah. Because you need to answer my patients. No you're dolphins. Your dolphins are going to go down as the worst

team in NFL history and you said they were going to win seven games. I would rather I would rather be on the wrong side of the worst take of all time than be on the wrong side of like a mildly bad take because I agree. I've been in both situations before more often than not but getting something so colossally wrong as the dolphins going 0 and 16 there are verse 76 that would be I would be proud to have an all time bad take like that. And you thought it though. Only the worst part is you actually did think you're like Ryan Fitzpatrick's going to get him a few wins. Only the great ones can be so confident in something so wrong and not willing to get off that hill before they die. I'm going to be like Andy Dalton on the field dying on this bad take. I think OK

they probably won't go seven and seven from here on out. Minkovitz Patrick is looking for a trade and they're trying to trade him which is ridiculous because he was a first round draft pick last year. They've got they're trying to trade Kenny Drake to try to trade Drake. OK. Yeah. Get Drake the fuck dolphins are going to break. I think they are going to break a record this year for biggest point spread. They have to write. They well they play the Patriots in Week 17. So that one might not count. But I'm looking at it right now like the next next week they're playing the Cowboys at Dallas. I don't. It's probably going to be 18 again. Probably like 17 18 as a spread. 13 and a half. And let's just say one of the one of the pick sixes today wasn't entirely

Fitzmagic's fault. Those are so OK. So I have a stat for you. First is the dolphins are being outscored 102 to 10. They're basically an FCS program trying to play in the FBS. It's it's getting bad. They are. I don't even know what like Jacksonville State or someone who's trying to who's trying to play Bama every single week. Yeah. So and I this this might actually get to a point where I'm going to start believing the Alabama could beat the dolphins if they trade enough of their guys. So there are 102 to 10 is is their total points this this year so far through two games. The Patriots scored more points on defense in a one minute and 13 stretch during this game than the dolphins have in 120 minutes on offense. OK. So all that tells me is that by

being so vocal about saying that I'm going to bet on the dolphins cover the spread I motivated the Patriots. Yeah. They feed they feed off the hate. Well so the other the other good thing the only silver lining we have for the dolphin season at this point is Brian Flores continues to put in Josh Rosen and give us Josh Rosen stat lines. Josh Rosen stat line seven for 18 97 yards in an interception. So thank you Brian Flores because we can keep the Josh Rosen stat line bit going when you just throw him to the wolves. It's so weird because he does it in these blowouts and he's like yeah this is a good time for this guy to learn to yeah with no with no pros on the field and a team that just wants to hold a shutout. Let's throw him in there and see if he can make some

magic. Yeah it's awful. It's awful at the time. Yeah Hank what do you got. The funniest part about that game was the end that last drive like the game was over as 43 nothing and Flores and Belichick were calling timeouts to like stop the clock because they didn't like Belichick didn't want to score and I think it was just like an old buddies going against each other like even though it's 43 nothing and everyone just want to leave like we're not letting this game end. I think Belichick hates Flores now. I think that ever since he left he's like you're not one of my guys you're not loyal. The only the only assistant that Bill Belichick actually likes is Josh McDaniels because he's the one that was so loyal that he turned down a job. He fucked over the course and he fucked

over the course. And the Broncos love. Yeah he absolutely loves Josh McDaniels because he ruins franchises that arrivals with the Patriots. OK so in Belichick fashion Hank because the Patriots are obviously unbelievable and they're going to. It's offensive porn. I mean I don't know who's going to beat him but it's unbelievable to watch him play. And Antonio Brown like them targeting Antonio Brown to make him happy three or four times in the first drive was like come on. But because Belichick you know he's going to sit the team down and be like you didn't do well. What are you going to do about Steven Gostowski because he missed two extra points. He's terrible Miami and he missed the field goal. He it's like he's like he's like 90 percent in all time and he's

like 70 percent in Miami. So that's just a Miami thing. OK. So there you go. Just the real problem is the snapping. That's the only thing that I've noticed watching the film is you can tell that David Andrews is not not playing because the shotgun snaps are kind of kind of slow. OK. So there's a there's an issue at center that we have to address. OK. Brady needs to shove a couple more towels into his ass. Solve. Boom. Done. Solve. Bill's a Giants. Bill's. So let's start with this. Pat Schermer last year said about Josh Allen. He has a chance to be a starter. That's Schermer. You're a fucking idiot. Disrespectful. Pat Schermer is still starting Eli Manning. Eli Manning didn't have a completion until the second quarter and Eli Manning I'm woke to this.

He's putting up enough stats that if you look back at his like the box score. Yeah. You can reasonably say to yourself. Not that bad. He threw for 250 yards and a touchdown couple of interceptions. But if you don't watch the game you can basically sell it like maybe it's not just Eli's fault. But if you watch the game it's Eli's fault. They basically just ran the ball. The only time they had success was the first drive where they just ran Saquon five times their own score and touchdown all by himself. We should all be hoping that the Giants win as many games as possible to get Eli to stick around as much as possible because as long as they're in the playoff hunt they're still going to start. They're still going to start. They're not

mathematically eliminated yet. I'm not a math genius. I'm no Fitzpatrick but I do know that they're not eliminated after two weeks. The Dolphins are the only team that's officially mathematically eliminated. But yeah they should absolutely we should be rooting for Eli Manning to play well for the well not necessarily from to play well just for the Giants to win just for them to win some games. They'll beat the Redskins. They'll beat them. They'll beat them at home and maybe and then on the other side Josh Allen. I'm doing a torch update torch being passed from Cam Newton to Josh. I fucking love him as the best running quarterback shout out all the haters of which there were many. Yeah. Josh Allen is real and he's spectacular and Pat Schermer

saying that quote and Josh Allen going in and shoving it in his face. Fuck yeah dude. That's all I'm going to say. Fuck yeah dude. Josh Allen to the reporter asked what do you think you showed New York fans and he's like we're in New York right now. We're a New York team. We're actually number one New York. We're actually in New Jersey right now. They won the state championship. You mean the people watching at home in New York. The New York state championship goes to the Buffalo Bills. They're 2 and 0 in MetLife Stadium. I wouldn't mind making Buffalo the capital of New York. I'm down. They should do it like that. If the Bills are the better team then Buffalo boom immediately gets all the state documents the charters all that all these lawmakers

have to move from wherever the capital of New York is Albany. They have to take the big train up to I think that's the same as Buffalo. Yes. Maybe not. Albany Syracuse and Buffalo are those things that like they're all the same but they're so far apart. Yeah. Albany is Buffalo without a football team and without wings. Yeah. So it's like you take the only redeeming the great games the best parts. The great games the great games were the University of Albany. OK. Great games are there. Yeah. That's it. I mean that's a great mascot. That's all you got. The best thing about you is that you're not New York City. Yeah. Purple and something. That's the basketball team. Albany University of New York Albany. That is a pretty sweet name for a team. The great teams. Can I

ask you a question. Are we sure that Pat Shermer is a good coach because I think he fucking sucks. I think I think he's just got a he's got a pouch in his back that Dave Gettleman's hand fits directly into so he can make him do whatever he wants. This is awesome because Pat Shermer is a classic coach where there's this management owner weird like fight and you have a guy who won two Super Bowls and who's going to be a Hall of Famer in Eli Manning. So everyone kind of glosses over the fact that Pat Shermer might actually just be a terrible coach. Yeah. Give me Ben Macadoo back. I miss Macadoo. At least he had the balls. Yeah. He had the balls. Yeah. Game that really made no sense. But he did it. He went out there and did it anyways. He had the weird haircut.

I don't even know what Pat Shermer's hair looks like. He always wears a full ball cap. I don't know what he's got. He might have a Mohawk. It's just funny. He might be totally bald. You get these coaches that they get put in these situations where no one will blame the coach even though that seems like what we should be saying because he is the one who keeps starting Eli Manning. That was his decision. It's Gettelman and Mara and Mr. Mara. Sorry. But yeah. Pat Shermer like what he's he's going to his record is going to be insanely bad if the Giants keep losing like I think they will. He's going to be. Yeah. But he'll get a he'll get his keep his job because it'll be Daniel Jones guy. He seems like a guy that's

going to transition very easily into being like a assistant general manager somewhere. Yeah. I feel like Pat Shermer is a good football coach if you take out all the elements of coaching football. Right. He looks the part. Right. You know like son I like his son was pretty good at Vanderbilt. They covered against Notre Dame. I won money on there. He's got that. I like him for that reason. But he just he seems like a guy that just is destined to spend his entire life at a football facility of some sort. Just punching in and punching out. Also Shermer probably the boringest name. Yeah. Football wise in the league. Yeah. I'd say Shermer. Shermer. Yeah. Pat. Yeah. And Pat. Pat Shermer. Pat Shermer. It sounds like I'm having a stroke and diary at the same time.

Pat Shermer. What'd you say? Did you stutter? Pat Shermer. Yeah. If Eli Manning was a name it would be Pat Shermer. He also that extra R in there it makes you think that you're saying it incorrectly. Pat Shermer. And it's what you're making me think more about your name that I want to. Yep. Fuck. We've spent we've spent too much time talking about a stupid fucking name already. Yeah. Poor sake one. That's the only other note. Yeah. Poor sake one. Hey. Hey, man. Hey. Hey. Hey, buddy. I know. I know. The elbows connected to the shoulder bone. Hey, buddy. Connected to the pelvis bone. Looks like you hit your front bone there. I want to throw on this boot. I'm pretty cozy. Just just toss it on and that little

front bone injury just goes away. Hey, baby. I know. I know your elbows all tingly-wingly. I'd sure like to help you make a few good. If you're a new listener, we're talking about the Seahawks and the Steelers game and Big Ben getting injured for the billionth time in a row. This one actually thinks I think it's real. He thinks it's real too. He definitely thinks it's real. We know he thinks it's real. It was weird looking at it. It just didn't really even see what happened. He just it looked like he hit his funny bone and he'll put on his walking boot and he will get in front of the media and he'll say over my fucking dead body just Mason Rudolph get to play anymore. I'm going out there even if I'm hurt,

which I might not be because I'm a dog that just yelps every time, you know, something someone drops the keys. Yeah. Anytime a skateboard comes near my paw and run away. You make and we have to take you to the vet and it's like $700 every fucking time you fake an injury Big Ben. I actually wouldn't be shocked if the Steelers just have a vet on call for Big Ben. For Big Ben probably. They probably do. Ben, listen, we want to give you a real doctor, but we actually have a lot of players here and they need medical attention. So we're just going to have you see the vet every time and he'll give you maybe a little treat. Have you sit and then send you on your way. Tell you what, this is your new, this is going to be your individualized trainers

named Caesar Milan and he's just going to make this cone on calm assertive and pack leader. You'll be fine. He had the quickest trip to the training room of all time today before halftime. He went in and came out in four minutes. Yeah. So he left. He goes in the tunnel. I think the vet gave him a try. I think all that can happen. He essentially walked into the training room farted and then walked back on the field was like a feel better. It was like a baby burping. Yeah. And then they're like, no, Ben, we need to have you. Someone's going to take a look at you. And what it looked like was the Tommy John issue. What is that? What is the ligament? Yeah. UCL. It did linse it come in. Couldn't grip the curve ball. Upright citizen's

ligament is what it is. But yeah, he's like, it's all tingly and he can't grip it. He can't throw it. And if that's actually the case, and he's probably going to be out for a while, if Ben actually does feel pain, which the jury's still out on, if it's not all phantom stuff. But yeah, that would be something to have Mason Rudolph, who Big Ben notoriously did not train to take over his job if Mason has to come in for him. And then Mason and his postgame comments was doing the thing where he was giving it all up for Ben. He's like, you know, I'm ready to play if Ben will let me. Yeah. Yeah. I'm so scared of Ben Rothesberger and what he'll do because Ben Rothesberger is in that weird spot similar to Eli Manning, where the, the, what he's done for the franchise just keeps carrying

over whether he's good or not. And Big Ben's better than Eli obviously. Don't get mad stealers fans. But he could get anyone fired at any moment. Oh yeah. He could just, he could just, well, he probably can't snap his fingers because he can't feel his arm anymore. He's left hand. But yeah, he would be like, well, he, there's no way he knows how to do that with his left hand. That's true. Yeah. But he'll just click with his tongue. Fire that guy. He's probably so psyched to have like a numb right hand so he can go home and just jack it constantly. Because I got an entire weekend on a date with a stranger, fellas. I would just imagine him going into the locker room and the doctor like grabbing his arm and just wiggling it. And he's like, Oh my God, are they going to have

to amputated doc? Like Ben, you ask this every time an extremity is hurt. Yeah. Ben, you just, you just twisted your elbow a little. Do you want to go back in? Like, no, I don't because we're probably going to lose. Steelers though. Is this the end of the Mike Tomlin Steelers because they're 0 and 2 now. Has he lost the locker room? Their defense does not look good and they've invested a little bit in their defense and Big Ben is, I would say at the end of the road is fair to say. If it is the UCL, if it is the Tommy John thing, then there's no chance he'd be able to play. I know Josh Allen had a similar thing last year where he had like a pinched nerve or something weird going on. But if it's bad, then I don't think he's going to be able to play. I think that this

could be the beginning of the end for Big Ben, which I'm very, very upset about. And Mason Rudolph wasn't that bad. No, he wasn't. He was decent. So you get to the point where like, okay, well, maybe Mason Rudolph is the guy. Either way, the Seahawks now two and oh, they're for real. They find ways to win. What's his name? Lockett is the new Doug Baldwin. Russell Wilson just throws it to him whenever he's in trouble and whenever he needs a first down and it works. And yeah, I mean, it was, I think there's more an indictment on the Steelers and because week one, we said the Patriots are just that good and Mike Tomlin just can't ever beat the Patriots. But then to have your home opener and the Seahawks come in and it feels like it's a game you should be able to win.

I don't know. I don't know where the Steelers go. Well, DK Metcalf is pretty good too. Yeah. So it looks like he's going to be a good red zone target. He's like he's he is big as fuck. He's like if Kelvin Benjamin was went Keddo for like two months, he's got that aesthetic. He's Kelvin Benjamin. Yeah, I'm going to call him from now on. He's cut up. He's cut up and he can run different routes that I'm told because I've seen a lot of videos on the Seahawks main Twitter account that show him running like a dig route that absolutely sucks. But they're but they say like, he can do other things. He had the five cone drill of Tom Brady, right? Yeah, that was that was what it was. He can't turn and that's fine. So yeah, I think and James Connor got hurt too.

So the Steelers are in trouble. Yeah, their medical staff is working overtime slash vets. Also Russell Wilson sucked at sliding today. I don't know if you saw that he was a terrible turn. Usually he's one of the best because people forget he was a baseball player. Yep. So he knows how to slide but he was terrible. He was getting his foot caught in the turf. He was like diving forward at Heinz Field, though. It's Heinz Field. You have to yeah. But I was thinking who are the all time worst sliders in history at the quarterback position. I got to say Flacco's up there. Flacco definitely remember the time that he just shattered his his knee brace. He was very like Forest Gump. Eli. Eli was my number two. Eli looks like he's going to tear every every single bone ever break

every bone tear every single ligament in his legs whenever he tries to slide. Ben Rothesburg is pretty bad at it too because he just doesn't just kind of falls. Yeah, he just puts his face forward. That's where I want to go to that blade of grass. Yes. Quickest way to get my land. Putting my putting my face on it. Yeah. And then RG three obviously. Yeah. RG three for sure. RG every time he slides. I just think I actually think he's going to explode. Speaking of RG three, the Cowboys and Redskins even though he's not on the Redskins anymore. But he'll always be. Dak continues his You Should Pay Dak tour. Pay Dak. Kellen Moore continues his I'm actually a real offensive coordinator Jason Garrett. What does he even do here tour. And I don't know the

Redskins are just one of those teams that are just floating in nowhere. Floating aimlessly. They have no identity. They have no like their coach won't be their coach for very long. I why aren't they just playing Dwayne Haskins. That's a good question. Like why well because they trade for case Kenan and case Kenan is Jay Gruden's ideal quarterback. But why why when you draft the quarterback in the first round. I mean it's the same thing with Daniel Jones. I don't know why you just don't. It drove me crazy and we'll get to Mitch. But it drove me crazy when when the Bears did that. It's like just play your guy because my Sean Salisbury actually changed my mind with that because I always was of the belief that if you put a guy in early and he and he fails he'll

have you know like it'll see things and it won't work long term. You can get basically scarred. But Sean Salisbury said if if a guy gets scarred he never was going to be the guy anyway. Right. You know what I mean. Like you either have it or you don't either have the ability to overcome you know getting beat up and taking your lumps or you don't. So might as well just do it now because if they play case Kenan all year then now Dwayne Haskins the rookie next year. What's the point. I actually think there's something to be said from like a GM perspective to not playing your your quarterback his rookie year because the person a golden ticket. Well it's a golden ticket which is like job security number one. Jeff Fisher taught us that for a long time. Oh yeah. But also it's

less likely to be labeled as a bust if it's a second year player coming in for the first time. Like right now if Dwayne Haskins was in an absolutely sucked dick it's really easy to be like hey that's a bus dance night. Yeah. But if he comes in his sophomore year or a second year and he doesn't play well it's like oh he's not going to work out. He's not the future but he doesn't get the bus chain put around his neck like he would if it was his rookie. I just don't understand why you wouldn't if you have no identity as a team and you have no playoff hopes and you're just kind of floating aimlessly at least give your fans some hope with a guy playing. We do have an identity. It sucks. A clown car full of buttholes. Yeah it sucks. And the Cowboys are good. The Cowboys are

good. Can I permission to go there. Yeah. Dan Snyder. Yeah. Dan. So great owner Dan Snyder. Sell the team. Great owner. I'm talking to you right now. You're a great owner as Stephen Jones as 31 other NFL owners will tell me you are a great owner and they love having you as a part of the league so they can kick your ass all the time. But sell the team. You're a guy that grew up rooting for the R words. You care very much about them. Right now your legacy is going to be the person who destroyed the thing you love the most in life. That's actually kind of a cool legacy. If you sell the team then you have a chance to be known as the person who saved the thing that you grew up loving the most. He likes he loved he loved the Redskins so much he hugged them so hard

he suffocated them. Yes. That's kind of cool. He loves how much love you have. It's Cosette crawling under Christopher's butt. Yep. Little Cosette. Christopher was high on Arizona's dog. Yeah. Because he was so high on H. He was on the junk and then they tried to save it. He Cosette crawled under his butt for warmth. Yeah. And Cosette was just dead though. Three or four. And it was a big problem. He had to have an intervention. No. He got upset about it. Yeah. Well I don't know what it was. She was not deep on each other. I started nagging him about killing killing her dog. It's like I woke up. I woke up and came into the Bing one morning and there you were with your hair in the toilet water. Disgusting.

That was Sylvia's intervention. That was the letter that Dan Sider sell the fucking team. You have a chance to be the person who saved the Redskins by killing yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Either sell the team or just like jump out of your helicopter. Poker. Yes. Commit Sepoku or do the old Chilean revolutionary trick and throw yourself out of the helicopter. OK. So Cardinals Ravens. Kyler Murray PFT don't get triggered earmuffs. Kyler Murray looks even shorter like every single week. Good. He's getting shorter. Good. I every time I see him like man that guy's short. He was a show off when he went to the combine and clocked in at 5 10. He's short. Yeah. He's very short. And he's also got a big helmet. He does. Which makes him so short. He's

like a walking bobblehead. And it's kind of cute watching him play back there. Yeah. He didn't really run the ball this week. Like a backyard baseball guy. Exactly. That's exactly what he looks like. Which is in Pablo Sanchez. Yeah. He looks like Pablo Sanchez in red and white. And yeah. I don't know if he's good or not yet. I think that he's better than he looked in the first half. It takes some time to get Cliff Kingsbury's system work. Well here's what I don't understand about Cliff Kingsbury. And I hate coaches in general. We you know we talked about the Eagles Falcons game. I love Doug Peterson. I've said it many times. He goes for it. He takes moments and he grabs him by the balls. He's like fourth down. I don't care. Cliff Kingsbury. You're

supposed to be this offensive genius guy. You're supposed to bring up this up tempo. You can't beat us offense. That's why you were hired. The Cardinals in the red zone fourth and one at the four field goal. Fourth and goal at the three field goal. Fourth and goal at the two field goal. What the fuck dude. You could have won this game if you just if you just said hey we're going to go it. If you go for it and you get two out of three of those times you win the game. And I think that my math is right. Yeah. Yeah. My math is right. They lost my six. They would have eight more points. So you just need to get two out of three of those converted. Maybe that math doesn't work out either way. Go for it. Go for it more often. Go for what you're saying. I don't understand

if you get if you have four if you can't get one yard then I mean I would rather die. I would rather lose trying to get one yard and fourth and goal on the one than just slowly die kicking field goals every time you get down there. I think he's just terrified going up against defenses that don't play in the big 12. Yeah. So he's like I can't get a first down here. It's not I'm not playing against TCU anymore. I'm not playing against Baylor. But you know what I mean like just just if you're supposed to be this guy why are you turtling so much and you have Kyler Murray you can't you can't get Kyler Murray into space and let him get you a first down. That seems crazy. Also your name can't be Cliff Kingsbury and be a pussy when it comes to going

for right your guns. Yeah. You're exactly you're hot. You're on the sidelines. You're wearing your sunglasses air which looks hot no matter who you are. If you put on a pair of cool shades. Yeah. You should be going for more often. I agree with that. I also had written down here that Larry Fitzgerald is never going to die. Nope. His big butt somehow gets wide open. Guess what. His big butt could get wide open on a fourth of one. Yes. Exactly. Just box him out. Box him out. He's a guy that has the exact opposite ass of you and Hank and Jim Mercer. Yep. He's got a little bubble but he can just stick out there get some separation. He's a guy that no matter how long he plays in the NFL I will always be able to identify Larry Johnson

just by his or Larry Fitzgerald excuse me just from his body type. Yes. His body type is very unique to any other player in the league with the with the dreads in the in the bubble. But even if the dreads weren't around. Yeah. He just looks different as a wide receiver. I don't know what it is about. Lamar Jackson get ready because week five we're going to get and it will be deserved if he keeps playing the way he is. We'll get the Lamar Jackson for MVP talk. Yeah. Because he had almost 400 yards rushing in passing three. We were thinking went for 120 yards. He was slicing and dicing them up. So get ready for it. Lamar Jackson is the real deal. Is it time to say that maybe Lamar got better this off season because they got rid of their

Diva wide receiver Joe Flacco. Interesting. We'll get to Joe Flacco. He stinks. He stinks. He stinks. All right. Jaguars Texans. Doug Morone is fighting his players and we love Doug Morone. Well it was it was a it was a disagreement. He said afterwards that he doesn't even remember it. He doesn't recall the fight which is a very football guy thing to do. It was over a challenge. So Ramsey wanted him to challenge a play and Ramsey shoved them. Yeah. Coming off the field. So Doug Morone had a right to be like hey man I'm the coach. I will also say Doug Morone going for two on the road. Love that. Yeah. I love that move. So that's the thing like if you're at the end of the game of a game and it's one point and you just go to touchdown. I always say like

you're on the road. Go for it. Like you what do you have to lose. Go for two. Try to steal one on the road. But then if it's at home I always say go for it. You're at home. You've got the crowd behind you. You just always go for it. Always go down by one at the end of the game. Just say fucking go for it because you know what this is. This is one of the situations where your team will love you for doing it because there's nothing that a team hates more than you putting your faith in a kicker. Right. And Gardner Minshew had an awesome drive to you know to get within one. I'm a big believer in your offense is humming. Why would you take them off the field. Let them go for two. Let them try to win the game right there. And Gardner Gardner Minshew I mean he is

we're going to get to him in football guy the week. He's swaggy. Yeah. He's awesome. And I'm excited to watch him every single week. You know why I love Gardner Minshew is because he always looks like somebody that's dressing up as Gardner Minshew for Halloween. Yes. He's got like all the costume. He's got all these different looks about him and they're all equally swaggy cool and weird. And every single one of them you could go as slutty Gardner Minshew. Yeah. And pull off a Halloween costume. No problem. Also his dad pretty easy on the eyes. I don't know if you saw him in the stands. His dad. That is a diesel good looking guy. Me. Yeah. Dill. He's a big time deal for you. He had a visor on. The hair was flowing. Yeah. Look good.

Is it time to ask. Does Gardner Minshew have the hottest dad of any NFL player. His name again. Flint. Flint. Yeah. Yeah. Well he changed it to Gardner because his son. I also have a lender for net sucks. Yeah he does. But we already knew that. Yeah. But now it's official. He sucks. He approaches the line of scrimmage like Levy on Bell with mono. Yeah. He takes a sweet time in the backfield. Takes like five steps and then tries to make it. He's a guy that he will average 2.7 yards per carry every single season until he's out of league. He's a Trent Richardson. We were passing the torch. He's better than that. No he's better than that. But in the similar vein of just kind of getting up to the line and not seeing holes and just getting tackled every

single time after two yards. Maybe he has trypophobia. Oh he's terrified of seeing holes. Yeah. He can't see three asymmetrical holes. I'm going to go with that. That's what it is. Before I label him as officially having trypophobia I want to see some screenshots like we've got with Trent Richardson of like hey he should have gone here. This week in oh my god the Texans are ruining Deshawn. I can't believe this. Please get free Deshawn from Bill O'Brien. Retweet me. Retweet me. Retweet me. Deshawn Watson has been. It's a good new segment. It is a good new segment. I mean I can't stand these people. It's they pretend like this is the first time a quarterback's been ruined by a coach. Welcome to the NFL the National Football Week.

Eight straight games four more sacks. That's a record. Yikes. Yikes. It's not great. Yikes. Yikes. Deshawn Watson gets his ass kicked every single week. Chiefs Raiders. Just chill out Patrick Mahomes. It's too much. He's showing everyone up. He had four touchdowns in the second quarter ready for this. This were his last five passes in the second quarter forty two yard touchdown pass thirty two yard completion forty three yard completion twenty seven yard touchdown pass thirty nine yard touchdown pass. He threw three touchdowns in his last five throws in the second quarter and he had every single completion over twenty seven yards. Somebody needs to put together the stats of if if Patrick Mahomes was not allowed to play inside the thirty yard line

how many touchdown passes he'd have in his career. It's insane how Andy Reid gets so many people open and how many games he would win if he just wasn't allowed to play inside the thirty. It's crazy. He is so goddamn good. And yeah I mean he's just I don't know. It was and it was it was just perfect coincidence that the Bears just can't score touchdowns and Patrick Mahomes had four and one quarter. Why is that a coincidence. It was just a weird coincidence that was happening at the same time. Let's talk about their car. Mitchell was drafted. John Gruden in their car. That is going to be a messy messy break. Derek Carr is not good happening. He's not good. John Gruden is going to have a stroke on the sideline. And the thing is you're not going to be able to tell when John

Gruden has a stroke because he always does the scowl with one side of his face anyways. Yep. And so no one's going to know he probably has already stroked out a couple of times. I so Derek Carr is so weird to me because I don't think he's good. But when he is good he is like a gunslinger and you got to let him loose. And it feels like John Gruden is doing the opposite sometimes where he's trying to get Derek Carr to not make mistakes. I think Derek Carr is the type of guy you just have to tell him just go do it. And yeah there'll be a couple of mistakes but you'll also be able to throw the ball around. Gunslinger feels like a rebrand that Derek Carr put on himself. Yeah he probably did. He probably got that into the media. Yeah it's not a bad narrative to get

out there. If you suck enough at quarterback just like whisper to a reporter like they're calling me the gunslinger now. That's why I throw seven interceptions. It just feels like he I don't I mean that relationship was never going to work. And we all know it's not going to work. And it's going to be extra awkward when Derek Carr has the house that he's building right next to John Gruden in Las Vegas like way to go dude. Yeah that's going to be weird living in his pool house probably go over to John Gruden's house asking for a cup of sugar. Yeah it's not good. And Derek Carr I feel like he is he's got too much pizzazz for John Gruden to fall in love with him as a quarterback. Yeah like he's a little bit too exciting and that's saying something about how John Gruden

likes his quarterbacks. He likes his quarterbacks to be just like a blank slate like someone who's either been around the league for long enough that they're just burnt out and hate everything and don't have any passion one way or the other like your Jake Plummer at the end of his career when he was down in Tampa Bay. Right. That's what he likes or he likes a rookie that he can mold into having that same person. He doesn't like Derek Carr because Derek Carr has been established in Oakland before he got there. Yeah he was you know quote unquote the franchise quarterback for the Raiders and so it's kind of his house that you're coming into. So John Gruden is going to definitely kick him out of the house and it's happening sooner than later. Nathan Peterman is going

to play or Mike Glennon. He's going to play as well. I'm excited for that. I'm excited for the messy messy breakup. A quick word to the NFL. Fuck you for the 405 start time. I can't stand it. I didn't know this game was in Oakland. Now a reasonable person would say hey big cat you had literally all week. You had actually like six months to know this game was being played in Oakland because there's a schedule. You can read it. You can do all that. And I say fuck you because I'm always at the four o'clock witching hour time. I'm like losing my brain trying to win bets trying to hold on and then trying to put in new bets while the old bets are still being played out. And I don't look at those kind of facts. So I thought this game was being played in Kansas

City. I said Kansas City. I won the bet but I said Kansas City minus seven. That's stealing. No one goes into Arrowhead and beats them. Yeah. And then boom turned on the game. There's a baseball field and I was confused as hell. So the seven made a whole lot more sense at that point. Just make them the same. Don't give us that one game that you have to be like oh fuck I got to rush in and get this bit in. We're not in Kansas anymore is what you should have said bullshit. But yeah I I won but bullshit. I agree just like there should not be a 405 start time in general. Yeah. Every game should start at four fifteen. Yeah. It's it's bullshit. It's bullshit. Give me some some some time of a bathroom uniformity. Yeah. Let me go take a shit

after the early games are done because you know you let me put on pants for the first time at 405. There are still three or four games that you bet on for the one o'clock games that are completely up in the air. Give me a second to feed the dog that I forgot to feed his breakfast when I woke up in the morning. Yes. Give you give us like a brief respite from it. Also somebody tweet at me. I don't know who was. I lost the tweet but they had a great idea which is at the at the Las Vegas facility for the Raiders at their new stadium that they're building. They should have on the field turf a baseball diamond like it not not the actual dirt but the color of it. Yeah built into the field turf like I think the oh I think Vanderbilt does that

Vanderbilt has not dirt but it's I think it's colored field turf all around. Maybe that maybe I made that up. Yeah. I don't know whatever it feels like the warning track. The warning track is not dirt Vanderbilt. That's what it is. It feels like a school that would like try not to get its players dirty. Right. Yeah. Yeah. At all. Yeah. Go run to Penn State dude. That's fine. All your problems they'll cover up problems there. OK. By the way doesn't having a dirt warning track kind of defeat the purpose of having a warning track that you can feel underneath your feet that it changes as your point of a warning track. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They don't have a dirt warning track. Yeah. They have a color. That's what I'm saying. Yes. It's the point. Correct. I agree.

OK. Let's talk about the Bears offense. Let's talk about before we do that. Let's do Velveeta. Velveeta is the richest creamiest cheesiest thing out there and it's not just mac and cheese PFC. Do you want to tell me quickly how much you love Velveeta. I love Velveeta. The most I love about Velveeta is a nice autumn military day. All right. You go home and you have the shells. You have the saucy cheese. I like to stir it around. Oh God. All right. So Velveeta Velveeta makes me stir it unique richness creaminess cheesiness and meltiness. Velveeta makes the creamiest mac and cheese and you also have Velveeta for your queso dip for your tailgate specials. They have it all. It's quick and easy to prepare with no additional ingredients necessary.

Only Velveeta can deliver that extra creamy cheesy goodness and melt unlike any other. Velveeta makes for the perfect game day queso dip. Velveeta enables consumers to easily make great tasting meals to feed their whole family capable of being used in wide variety of recipes and meal occasions. Nothing melts like Velveeta. Nothing melts like Velveeta. Velveeta melts the creamiest and Velveeta is giving fans an opportunity to win an all inclusive trip for four to the the SEC championship game and thousands of instant prizes. Check out score with Velveeta dot com for details that score with Velveeta dot com for details Velveeta the creamiest cheesiest most delicious cream mac and cheese out there. I lost my train of thought real quick because

I was thinking about you were so creamy doing that. And so check out Velveeta right now score with Velveeta dot com for details for trip for people are going to the SEC championship. Thanks to Velveeta the cream team. Okay. The Bears offense. Let's talk about a big cat. They're doing a lot of RPOs. This is now first of all we won Bears won one in one. A win is a win tough to win in this league. Ugly an ugly win is a win. Okay. Winning ugly still counts as winning meltdown avoided. The Bears are a parody of every Bears team that's ever been created and that means the defense is great and the offense just makes you want to cry puke do everything except watch it. And it's so fucking frustrating and I don't even know at this point like we go the Bears go back

and forth. It's one week like week one. The Bears don't run the ball. Mitch throws it 45 times and you say how the fuck is that ever going to work. Then you go this week where Matt Nagy doesn't trust Mitch whatsoever to throw the ball even 10 yards down the field. And guess what you can't win a foot like you can't move the ball when that happens. So you end up with Mitch throwing for 120 yards and running the ball more than you pass it. Just figure it the fuck out. I don't know what the answer is. And I know I was to say well Mitch thinks I listen I don't think he thinks I think they need to just figure out a way to win with using the things that he's good at. I always think that if you have a dominant defense it actually hurts your offense because your offense gets

so like a solo home run being a rally killer. Exactly. You get so self conscious about yourself. You're like oh man they're so good and we're not as good and then you play worse because you don't have the same confidence. Guess what though. You got a kicker. We got a kicker. Eddie Pinheiro unbelievable. God's plan. He doesn't make that kick if it's anywhere but mile high but I don't give a fuck. He made it mile high. He made it by 10 yards. 53 yarder and the Bears are one in one. And I think every single game is going to be exactly this. Yes. Just a painstaking game. Awful football game where the defense is like Roquan Smith is a stud. Eddie Jackson is a stud. Khalil Mack is a stud. And I know what Broncos fans are going to say. The Chubb roughing the

passer was bullshit. Fine. If you want to say that that's fine. But guess what they called it like that all game because the Leonard Floyd roughing or whatever the I don't even know what the call was. He had one that was equally a shitty landed on the guy. Yes. So they were calling a shitty game and guess what we ended up with the better call at the end. You can't really blame it like it was pretty even evenly poor officiating throughout. It was consistent and Dick Stockton and Mark Slayreth were getting so pissed off up in the booth. Well Mark Slayreth wanted to wants to fight Garibalds. He wants to go down there and fight him because he wants to be like you don't know how to play this position. He wants to fight him. He also wants to fight Roger

Gadel. He wants to fight everybody. Him and Dick Stockton were basically standing on top of each other in the booth. They were so close side by side their nipples were touching. I don't know if you saw that. They were just like they had their arms around each other the whole time just lamenting about how this great game is going to shit. And it was yeah. The officiating did kind of suck especially on those two calls. One of them I thought the one against the Broncos was worse though because it was as Mitch was in the act of passing and he but it was no letter would cause bullshit. Garibalds was so bad that they showed there was a holding on the Broncos and they just put Garibalds on camera and they're like actually was on a different guy. And then

Slayreth was said well they should it was on a different guy but Garibalds held too. He also held he was also holding you can call it on every play though. Mark you know he got it. Clio Mack ate his fucking lunch and I'll I'm ready. I'll say something nice about Joe Flacco. He won the game. He stinks but he had a nice drive at the end when the bears were completely gassed and they used the whole altitude thing as a cheat which was real but then you use it as a cheat on your kick. So it goes both altitude goes both ways even though it literally just goes up. But yeah it was with Flacco. He's never been excited in his life. He's never been upset in his entire life. He's just kind of always there. Yeah Joe Flacco is the lead leaguer

the league leader in being there. He's around at all times. He's always hanging out. You know that you can count on him to put together one good drive a game. But there's nothing that he loves more in this world than throwing a ball into the flat. Yeah. Joe Flacco is a fetish and not well for three yard outs and not well. It's third and 17. He sees a guy in the flat. It's like verbal meme. Joe Flacco is the boyfriend and the girl next to him that's his girlfriend is completing a pass more than 12 yards downfield on third and long and then the girl that's walking by is an inaccurate dump off pass to the flat. There it is. He fucking loves it and he's not you're right. You'd think that he would be better at it for

something that he loves so much. Nope. But he's not that he's always around. Some guys love feet. Some guys love leather. He likes throwing a ball to his tight end that will get tackled for gaining two yards. It is true. He is always around in like the greater NFL narrative season to season. He's he's like your fifth friend that you don't really want to hang out with. But you know that if you have to find someone to go out with you can always text him. He'd be like yeah I'm in. Yeah. I got nothing. I never have anything going on. I appreciate you calling me. You text your first four friends that you actually like and then the fifth one comes up. You're like yeah. Yeah. All right. Well yeah I guess we'll go out with Joe tonight. Let's do it. His dad's rich.

Yeah. Fuck yeah. Also my other note is Vic Fangio had an all time outfit on the sideline. I say the same one as last week. The belt gets yeah higher and higher. It's getting it's he looks like Paul Chris stepped that you can't win like so fucking boring. You cannot win like that. Vic you got if you got to change your look. I know you don't think it matters but it does. Yeah. So the Bears it was a win that was exciting but also left me being like we're kind of fucked because I don't know how we're going to keep winning games like this when we play like the Broncos aren't good and the Bears barely beat them. Good news for you. You know who you have next week. The Redskins. Exactly. Slaughter back to my house. What was the what's Andy Bernard.

Hit the tiz down. Oh. Beers. Beers back to my house. Quick nap. Boot. Rally. Yeah. No. Take quick nap before Monday night football. We'll do. We'll do a mayor's bet on this game but I have zero confidence. Congratulations on being two and one. Feels good. OK. Last game before we get to who's back in some football guy of the week. Saints Rams. Drew Brees is hurt and he's hurt bad and he's going to be out for a while. I think he's going to miss half the season. Oh yeah. Eight weeks. Thumb. Thumb is not good. It's not good. I think it seemed like it was similar to what Jay Cutler had a few a few diabetes. Nope. Thumb. There you go. Make it fun. That's what he had. A bad attitude. He's going to have to have thumb surgery I think. I don't think he's going to be.

I don't think we're going to see Drew Brees for many weeks and if we do see him and he guts it out and he's like I'm just going to play he's going to be bad. Yeah. No you can't grip a ball like that. So he basically got hurt giving a high five at high speed to Aaron Donald. Right. He was also got hurt. Who also got hurt later on. Yeah. So now Teddy came in and Teddy's one of those guys where you want him to play well because you want to get that whole stink of him getting hurt and the Vikings puking on the field on the practice field and Kyle Rudolph crying all that behind them put all that behind him and I want Teddy to be back and be a good quarterback because it seems like a nice guy. He seemed like he was on the verge of being good when he got hurt. But when I

watch him play it's like watching the Walinda brothers do the tight rope thing. Yeah. Where I'm watching and I'm excited. But in the back of my mind I'm just I'm thinking that the worst might happen. Yes. Every single. At all times. Also sucks to be Taysom Hill because essentially you are Sean Payton's Gouma and you keep saying hey when are you going to divorce your wife and settle down with me. And guess what he's not. He's not going to do it. He's not going to. He's not going to. You are still going to be his Gouma. Taysom Hill is a slam piece. Yeah you are the Friday nights for Gouma. Nothing less. Yeah. Know what you are and be happy with it. He must be upset. He must be like pretty pissed off. Yeah. And Sean Payton has definitely been saying in in

conversations behind closed doors like Taysom you're like I love you more than I love Drew. Someday we're going to we're going to get a place together. We're going to run away. We're going to I'm going to get this marriage annulled with Drew and we're going to get married and we're going to make this official and we'll have kids and everything. And then this happens. He's like what what happened. Yeah. Oh I'm your Gouma. Okay. I know where we are. I know where it's like Gouma. Yeah. He's a guy you fuck. He's not the guy you marry. Yeah. So sorry Taysom. The ref screwed the Saints. So he's a guy you soak. Yes. He's for a long time. Yeah. The ref screwed the Saints. Saints again. Yep. So that's fun that we get to do that again. My favorite

move that Sean Payton did was he tries. He does this a lot. He'll throw a challenge flag on a play that he can't challenge just to make the refs watch more replays and yell at them of the play that they fucked up. Yes. It's a great move. It is just get like a little extra like five to 10 minutes of berating an official to their face. Why do they blow it dead. Just never blow it dead. Don't know. They're tired. Let them play. They're tired. They just want to break. Yes. So the Rams got it out. Oh no they actually kind of dominated but I don't know how you judge this game without Drew Reeves. So I don't know. I mean Drew Reeves is going to be hurt. This might be. We said that before the season this might be the end for a few of these quarterbacks. It feels

like the end for Eli. Well Eli might Eli actually if you said Big Ben Drew Brees and Eli who's the safest Eli probably he's the healthiest because he because he always goes self sacks himself. I was asking Hank this earlier Hank between the fan bases of the Patriots and the Saints. It was probably the two ones that have like the biggest gripes the biggest rivalry against Commissioner Goodell and the NFL. Who would you say is Goodell's biggest rival. I think the Saints are because the Patriots fans I was lucky enough to be there twice have been there as the Goodell has had to hand them the Lombardi trophy and they get to boo him which kind of gives them dominance over Goodell. The Saints haven't had that you know

that come to Jesus moment. They haven't got to like laugh in his face and rub it in his face. So they're the ones with the fire in their belly. They're the ones that are still like they have something to fight for. It's not a rivalry if it's one sided. Right. That's what you're saying. Right. Right. So until Roger Goodell suspends Antonio Brown and the Patriots for signing him and Robert Kraft Mr. Kraft for getting hand jobs then at that point you'll still have the domination over being like what are you three and one against Goodell. Something like that. Two and oh since I mean to flake it to flake it two and oh since oh no to one. I'm going to get yeah I'm going to okay. So two and one since the flake gate. So yeah you guys are

dominating the Saints are basically Goodell's whipping boy. Yes. Whenever Goodell needs to flex his authoritarian muscles he calls in a favor to the refs against the Saints. Just make sure you fuck some gets off on it. Okay. Let's do who's back PFT before we do that. Do you got a quick something for me. Yeah. I got a quick something something from our good friends at CBD MD football season is in full swing and everyone but the Patriots is fucked. Watching Tom Brady Bill Belichick Antonio Brown Josh Corrin Demarius Thomas not anymore James White and recurring guest slash thirst trap Julian Edelman torture torture defense every week is going to be tough but luckily CBD MD has a full line of high quality premium CBD oil products to help you get through

these dark days whether you want to drown yourself in tinctures stuff your face with gummies or you need something to keep your dog from being scared while you're screaming at your defense to just do something CBD MD has you covered better than the Patriots cover the spread and even if your Pat's fan like Hank and me you're going to need some CBD to handle the pressure of planning yet another championship parade to make it even easier to stock up on CBD for the season CBD MD is offering the AWL is 25% off your next purchase at CBD MD.com when you use the promo code take at checkout again that CBD MD.com promo code take at checkout for 25% off your next order only one team gets to bring home a trophy at the end of the year but fans of all 32 teams can experience the potential

of premium CBD oil products with CBD MD Hank where do we stand on 16 and 0 talk feel good about it oh yeah 18 and 0 18 and 0 okay damn my official prediction was one random loss like one fluke loss in the regular season so this is a tough stretch there all right let's do who's back of the week Seeky question promo code take wait Seeky question 18 and take 18 and 0 no he said 18 and 1 because they're gonna lose a Super Bowl again that's what he said he predicted that oh 19 no no no yeah you said 18 and 1 they're gonna have one regular season loss and win the Super Bowl Hank just cursed the Patriots he did he said they're gonna go 18 and 1 Seeky question promo code take you get $10 off yeah they could lose a regular

season game and then go 18 and 1 promo code take Hank my Seeky question is who or whomst is back my who's back of the week is former recurring guest Ash Ketchum who Ash Ketchum Pokemon legend wait we had him no I'm just kidding he was a recurring guest I would love to have been doing the show for so long that you could have definitely convinced us but I'm sure you guys saw the news but he won his first Pokemon championship after 22 years trying to try to be the very best that no one ever was Steve Young monkey off the back Chicago was cursed to the go there you go he won the aloha cup first place champion Pikachu was on his back yes I mean honestly like it's one of those things where he's been he's been going at it for so long I was such a kid when he

got in the league for him to finally win one yeah it's huge and I can't wait for the E 60 on that what is ask Ketchum Ash Ketchum sounds like a country singer that uses auto tune way too much because like they're trying to catch Pokemon so it's like Ketchum Ash Ash Ketchum Ash Ketchum Ash Ketchum aka hunts okay Pokemon champion okay that's good so he won using the the Pikachu card well Pikachu's his his boy his right hand man well of course because isn't Pikachu the best yeah it's like no no well Pikachu is like his like the show you know Ash Ketchum Pikachu like they're buddy buddy okay but if you're looking at like the the ppr like player rankings like Pikachu is not up there oh why is Pikachu falling off you know he's just like a glue guy he's a utility guy

yeah okay I got you so it's the best cards are black lotus then Arzard Muto I'm so fucking lost Bulbasaur or no uh Squirtle the turtle the Africa with the Squirtle Squirtle's like the lowest Squirtle the turtle yeah yeah Charmander that's shit that Squirtle the turtle was so cute Blastoid it goes it goes Squirtle then Bulbasaur I think then Blastoid where did Cassius Marsh finish in this tournament uh that's magic the gathering different tournament the other who's back the week is they just do the same thing the bulls are back in the news because if you flip their logo upside down it looks like a crab fucking I know a robot fucking a crab yes so there's some positive news for Chicago wait they're local hey the bears are one at one asshole if you take the bulls logo

and flip it upside down looks like a robot banging yeah this goes viral like every five years I was does look like it a robot fucking a crab is basically what Jason Witton did to the Redskins this weekend in Maryland uh fun fact you ready for this fun fact the Chicago Bulls are the only team in NBA to never change their logo that's really fun that's a fun fact great maybe they should they've never had no there's iterations of the logo they've never changed it that is fun yeah it's fun right yeah yeah things that were cool back in 19 said it was a fun fact great today fun fact fun fact it's called history uh pft your whom's back my who's back of the week is Tim Tebow so oh yeah I forgot about so Tim Tebow I think he said all-time records for me and who's back

he's been back probably like 70 times in the history of part of my take bad take team Tim bad take Tim it was back on Friday he was on first take or uh maybe get up with one of those shows uh and he was talking about the NCAA and he was saying basically that the NCAA our players shouldn't want to get paid they should want to be there so that they can provide joy to the university and joy to a fan base and there's too much greed in this world already and so paying the players would add to that already pre-existing condition of people wanting to get paid does Tim Tebow realize that not every player actually in fact I would say 99.9999999% of NCAA football players do not win a national championship as the quarterback

and become like the darling for an entire state and basically have money forever because of that if Tim if Tim Tebow drank he would never have to buy another beer in Florida it's insane that he can't for one second be like hey maybe it's not sweet for everyone else and do you see Ravel got him or what do you say he got him good Tim Tebow in his famous speech like his promised speech really thinks that yeah who's had less sex Tim Tebow or Dan Ravel who because you have to imagine that do we count Ravel like every time he's had sex with his wife I think he's only has that count once you can only count by children because I think he only banks to procreate yeah anything else is a waste of time and he has to win into his brand yeah all right that's just having sex twice

real fast yeah um so Tim Tebow on his famous promised speech was actually wearing uh his logo that he was then gonna make money off of as soon as he graduated from Florida so he was already like playing branding himself to brand himself and make money off of himself which goes completely hypocritical to what his whole point is like you got to play for the team and just love it and love and being proud dude Tim Tebow's thought process on that was essentially like 1930 yeah it was insane listen when Tim Tebow played at Florida he had a team full of selfless players around him like Cam Newton uh Percy Harvin Aaron Hernandez and Riley Cooper okay so like well while they were there they were focused on one thing and that's football and that's making the fans

happy although I do I do kind of acknowledge one part of this which is if you're a fan if you're diehard florida fan there's probably part of it that sounds kind of cool for one of your players to have as much at stake in the team as you put into it where it's like that's just cuz Tim Tebow's a fucking weird it's like this this guy would play for free yeah and you're a sucker if you say like I would willingly not take money if it's being offered to play by the way can we imagine what a recruiting trip must have been like for urban Meyer to be visiting Tim Tebow and like urban leaves the house and 30 minutes later Tim Tebow was like uh hey coach Meyer uh yeah you left a briefcase with $30,000 and I would have left you left the police you left your briefcase

here I wanted to make sure that you got it back before you got on the plane dude the NCAA conversation sucks because it's essentially either people saying that uh college athletes is like indentured servitude which it's not or people saying uh there is not enough money when there clearly is just figure it the fuck out yeah figure out it's one of these more than enough money and it also is pretty it's pretty good deal right now if you get to you know being a college athlete a d1 athlete is probably sweet for other things but this should probably get paid a little too if you say they do get paid because they get that's a damn doctor his kid took a trip to Italy that's right yeah well then just pay him just get mad at me about that all right my who's unless

you play for Tennessee because you're a volunteer there yes in the title that's the contract that you signed uh kind of a kind of uh related my who's back I have two of them my who's back is urban Meyer because urban Meyer said he misses football mm-hmm oh you think that actually could just be that because he's definitely gonna coach uh so shout out all the people who said that he actually was retiring for real this time you're an idiot uh and then my other who's back is forgetting that baseball's on on Sundays in September yeah September is like total no man's land for and I watch probably 85 percent of Cubs games but when Rizzo sprained his ankle today I even was like fuck I forgot is he okay playing right now because he looked like he died yeah I know that picture was

it was not funny but it was funny high ankle spray it was yeah that sucked I mean the Cubs are snake bitten this year but it is one of those things where you forget it's Sundays every other day I know like Cubs are playing everything like that Sundays in the fall when NFL's going on you just kind of forget that baseball's happening October comes back because no one forgets playoff baseball but September like there's just think about that there's just like 15 16 other sports games playing well NFL's going on they should do something we try to stand out they should like do color rush on Sunday they should end the season September 1st well they tried to do color rush yeah they just they even that's how that's how bad MLB is they fucked up color rush yeah

their color rush was taking away all the colors yeah yeah very stupid MLB um okay so let's go to our segments including football guy the week pft you got a couple things for us yeah I want to talk to you guys about my friends over at zip recruiter uh hiring can be a slow process we all know that want to give a background about a little story here Dylan Miskovich is a real zip recruiter customer who used a recruiter to hire for his company Cafe Altura all right so this is his testimony based on his employer's story Cafe Altura's COO Dylan Miskovich needed to hire a director of coffee for his organic coffee company but he's having trouble finding qualified candidates so he switched to zip recruiter zip recruiter doesn't depend on candidates finding

you it goes out it finds them for you its technology identifies people with the right experience invites them to apply to your job so you get qualified candidates fast Dylan posted his job on zip recruiter and said he was impressed by how quickly he had great candidate supply he also used a recruiter's candidate rating feature to filter his applicants so he could focus on the most relevant ones and that's how Dylan found his new director of coffee in just a few days with results like that it's no wonder four out of five employees who post on zip recruiter get a quality candidate within the first day see why zip recruiter is effective for businesses of all sizes try zip recruiter for free at our web address zip recruiter.com

slash PMT that's zip recruiter.com slash PMT zip recruiter.com slash PMT the smartest way to hire these segments are also going to be brought to you by Peloton I've got a Peloton bike in my living room I've been using it I'm getting back in shape it's a New Year's resolution for wait did Jewish New Year start I don't know yeah for no not yet I'm told not yet but I'm getting ahead of it I'm using my Peloton bike I've been on it like 12 times in the last couple weeks why does men's health call the Peloton bike the best cardio machine on the planet well let's break it down you can't find a workout that keeps you engaged out there all the time so Peloton built an immersive cardio experience with real-time features that will always keep

coming back you can work up a great a great sweat at home for less than the cost of a studio class I love my Peloton bike it fits right in my living room I use it all the time I don't have to worry about going to the gym if I don't have a lot of time I use it on Friday night after we got back from an interview not gonna say where we were it was someplace pretty cool but I got back was meeting some friends for dinner I got on the Peloton did a 20 minute class got in took a shower I was able to get a workout in in a time that I otherwise would not have been able to it's got a compact four by two size on the bike so it can fit in virtually any space in your home no matter how small and one subscription is all you need to get unlimited classes for the entire family no

commute no reservations thousands of rides you can take live or on demand at any time all for less than the cost of a studio class it makes hard work fun get in your zone with curated music designed to move and motivate you hip hop country latin pop whatever you're in the mood for we got classes that are waiting for you with a variety of themes difficulty levels and training programs you can experience something new every time you sweat follow me on Peloton give me high fives motivate me to quit being a fat ass for the new year Peloton is offering a limited time offer get a hundred dollars off accessories when you purchase the Peloton bike and get a great cardio workout at home go to one peloton dot com use promo code my take to get started it's a brand

new promo code take it's code my take to get started with a hundred bucks off accessories when you purchase the bike at one peloton dot com okay let's do some segments first up we got football guy of the week so our nominees are will must jam okay coach of south carolina who after at half time against alabama was asked about a challenge flag or some controversial play and he told the sideline reporter i'm not going to comment on that i'll get fired for the rest of my life if i comment on that which in itself is the comment on that and it's a crafty football guy saying i wait was it fine he said yeah i'll get fine i'll get fine for sorry fine for the rest of my life by comment on that okay yeah no that's a great way it's like i'm not touching you yeah at all again

yeah essentially i'm not going to talk about it but here i'm i'm so mad about it because it was so bad that i would be fine for the rest of my life if i talk about it here's a list of all the things that i'm not going to say and i'll start with the most egregious violation that i'm not going to comment on if i were to say the refs are absolute buffoons and totally fucked us over i could say that but i'd be then fine so i'm not i'm not gonna say i'm absolutely not gonna say he strikes me as a guy that has like his bedroom at home he just writes on it with all the things all his grievances yeah or just like scrawled and sharpie across every wall well we've said it before he's just always he looks like a sweaty dog no matter what he's doing he is just sweaty and just a mess

and just always turning like bright red he's got the call his collars he wears golf shirts but his collars get so fucked up that they're like you know when when someone really wears a golf shirt and you take the couple buttons down and then the collars are so far apart like how did that happen he's got bacon neck on yeah on his polo shirt did you fight your shirt trying to put it on this morning he probably does you got to start your day off with a little competition what i see him doing is like almost doing the Hulk every single time he gets pissed off so he grabs and he starts to rip but then he hears like his wife's voice in the back of his head like well don't tear your shirts he's like oh yeah i promised her i wouldn't uh all right next up we have bill bellichak who

said if you don't let them score you can't lose that's a fact that is a fact that's some analysis for all the people at home if you want to win games don't let them score that's going to be big ben's new take next week yeah that's that's just as smart as saying half the wait can we check did half the teams lose this week half the teams did lose this week not yet because we haven't had money at football correct uh Gardner Minshew just for being Gardner Minshew he was looking unbelievable getting off the plane he did his uh stretches in his thong beforehand confirmed in an nfl locker room jockstrap jockstrap uh so yeah Gardner Minshew just being Gardner Minshew gets him on football guy of the week and then last one Andrew Yang who is running for

president correct yes and he said uh why would the democrats have a democratic debate or democrat debate on a night where there's football because aren't would they say football something like voters watch football too yeah which is a fact fact yeah and i mean i would say that it's probably better to do it then because then like you can't no one can say hey you're an idiot or no one can watch while joe biden's teeth fall out of his mouth right so there's a lot there's a lot to be gained by burying yourself underneath right football broadcast because you're not going to lose the presidency in this debate or you're not going to win the presidency in a thursday night debate but you can definitely lose it if enough people are watching right and so yeah if you've got if

you've got pink eye if you've been eating ass or you had your lower dentures fall out into your wife's butthole uh then it would be a bad thing for people to see you on live tv Andrew Yang is a football guy though yep i think i think he's got like the turnover chain except for taking your guns yep you're like and a huge s and l fan a big s and l guy uh he's uh big universal basic income guy too oh i don't know what that means so it's like a salary cap for america so everybody gets a thousand dollars a month oh which fuck yeah when i interviewed him i told him like if you gave me a thousand dollars a month i would spend it on the most ridiculous shit i'd hand it to my exactly i would i would just sport i would bet a lot more on sports and i would buy multiple

cdos yes it would be great um if it was what if universal basic income if you meant like like basic bitches like every month ps i'm going to get everyone gets pumpkin spice lattes and and boots um all right so vote for a football guy the week we'll try to get them on uh we're going to put up the poll tomorrow so vote for it uh next up actually i have breaking moves breaking moves i'm losing the high rep my breaking moves i think i'm finally becoming a man the lines have been released for week three thirteen and a half guess that line we should actually do that guess that's a good idea that's a sign we'll do that write that down we should do that for a whole show okay you got any like any relatives we could do with guess guess that line new kidney

cousins uh no actually shout out those guys they're good yeah i actually love sal um and bill uh all right well i mean i love actually a strong word i respect him i mean he is the godfather of like podcasting i don't know why we got down this road all right anyway uh guess that line i want to fuck him too for tallis dallas miami it's so weird when you finish 13 and a half 13 and a half dallas miami yeah uh 16 and a half 20 and a half i told you the dolphins are gonna break records i'm gonna take the dolphins the dolphins are going to break records this year with how ridiculous those lines oh yeah fins up fins up there we go that's win number one against the spread on the season the patriots that's honestly disrespectful to the patriots the patriots and jets there you go hank

yeah that is do your pod get it hank patriots and jets 13 and a half at jets patriots at jets uh 10 and a half oh no no no no sorry it's in new england who um we are 15 15 and a half i agree with hank 17 and a half okay we won't do any others no hank you're right that is disrespectful that's crazy yeah add fuel to the fire there's minus six and a half at washington yeah there you go that seems about right that breaking moves is brought to you by chocolate milk for your recovery that tastes real good um all right uh let's do respect the biz for the washington redskins because they have the worst press box in the world as edwarder pointed out amongst several other correspondents that were in dc for this game right uh it's just it's stuck in a corner and it's under it's underneath and

awning so snider you should be thankful that snider gives that seat to you for free because snider usually makes you pay 80 to 100 to sit behind a cement pillar which by the way those obstructive view seats should actually be going for more than the seats where you can get a clear view of the redskins sucking ass every week yeah he's doing you a favor yes that's actually an amenity you don't have to see yeah you don't see what's going on they should just give you a seat where you get punched in the face until you black out and don't get to watch any of the game and you forget that it even happened and then somebody steals all your clothes off you so you don't look like a loser wearing redskins gear just shut up and like your diet coke it's free and probably not

actually it's probably not it's probably not it's probably not free well it is but it's just expired by 10 years um okay let's finish up with our monday reading uh this one is from the new york post and it is called what it's like to be married to a to complete psycho skip balus and it's by Ernestine balus that's right she's written a book we are members of the urn hive on this show here's a crazy thing uh they look alike yeah yeah it's very bizarre i i needed her to be like look much more like an old bag like i was hoping it was no she's attractive attractive but she looks like skip balus in a way that she yeah as attractive as skip balus could be as a woman that's Ernestine and i i love it because skips are and it was like i don't know what it is about this woman but i'm

absolutely drawn to her yes it was because she looks just like him so so there's a little backstory they they do a little flex where it's like uh what balus is describing is how he watches games and he and his wife's 5000 square foot condo that has three rooms seven tv's uh cool flex but anyway so we're gonna get to the good stuff here so when skip met Ernestine 14 years ago this is where we pick up that's it yeah and they actually were engaged they they dated for 11 years and then got married three years ago they've only been yeah yeah you think you're young lovers you think Ernestine you think that they've been married for 63 years yes and skips only like 65 uh okay so she so when they met and they were like courting each other this sounds very romantic skip said i told her

i'm married to my job i always have been and i had this weird feeling this could go somewhere i told her if it ever does you'll always be a or one a to my job she hates me telling that story but it's the god's truth at least i divulge myself up front which i think she grudgingly appreciated cool that like i said love is not dead no i like skipping Ernestine i like that at least he was being honest that i mean if you're getting into a relationship with skip balus there's probably a lot of things you need to know ahead of time but you definitely need to know that at any given moment skip might just flip out and start ranting about lebron james kawai liner and tim tebow yeah all right so uh for for this story she emailed the post to promote her new quick read book titled balls

how to keep your relationship alive when you live with a sports obsessed guy this is a parody book title i love it balls we gotta get Ernestine on the show balls balls uh i can't believe i can't believe she beat mike greenberg's wife to this 1.8 balls like that that's the upset of the century isn't it yeah this this should be written by mike greenberg well i don't think that she would use balls as a title she would have like uh testes yeah no took a sis took it uh the thing around the other side of the took us yeah uh scrotum took us all right so she Ernestine says uh we don't have a moderator who lives in the house hilarious get it because like they always moderate on the you know um she says they do not argue all the time but she also fits her life around his games

in his 2am weekday wake up calls though they sleep in separate rooms during the week his treadmill workouts can be heard from her bed she wrestles to fall back asleep but always rises a little before four to see skip to the door and wish him luck in his verbal tv battles with shin and sharp that this is really truly romantic she makes sure their afternoons are set up so skipped does not miss anything in sports sports is in sports in his veins Ernestine said if you cut him little footballs and basketballs will come out that's pretty sweet skip is a sports guy skip doesn't miss a game skip sounds like it's like it's like a children's i feel like skip wrote me skip he loves sports i think yeah i think it wrote this paragraph and this is the most endearing

version of skip i like that they sleep in different bed rooms during the week during the week meaning on weekends it's fucking it's like is your your long-distance girlfriend in college visits we're talking like some walls are getting blown out think about that for a second if it's a weekend skip bills is fucking Ernestine yeah is it friday is it friday is it friday past five o'clock on the west coast because right now skip is balls balls and one of Ernestine's various orifices balls are crevices yeah uh good for them it sounds like they have a they they have a relationship that seems unconventional yep but it works for them just probably a lot of times when they're trying to fuck maybe if this is like round eight or nine on the weekend

she's like what's the matter skip you can't get it up and he's like it's just a damn mason crossby fuel goal god damn it mason crossbar it shouldn't have gone in it started out going to the left and then turned to the right um all right so uh when they started dating Ernestine's mother evalyn told are these people just all named like from the 19th century mhm Ernestine and evalyn told her she had to make a decision about these games is he worth it she said she decided yes 14 years later she wrote the book to try to help others deal with significant others who are addicted to sports or as skip puts it a bit nuts about games i lose it said skip i'm a psycho i vent i say words that i can't repeat that i'm ashamed i say gosh darn it gosh darn it koa is good yeah this lebron

guys not that bad uh but it's jinxes where skip is completely psycho in his words everything has to be just right because he evidently has cosmic powers i believe in god but i also believe in jinxes said balus answering a question that did not include god in it that's such a good intro martial i'm so good at this he's like a little subtle thing uh it turns out last year during the afc championship game when tom brady was intercepted in the end zone by the chief's reggie raglan it was caused by Ernestine ruining skip zen brady did that because she stuck her head in to ask me about something that was completely irrelevant skip said of Ernestine asking about a letter he had received this is crazy that all of like think about this hank brady's goat status

is literally all because of skip balus yeah the guy behind the guy it's because yes whenever tom brady's playing well it means that Ernestine is far away from yeah that Ernestine's staying in her bedroom where she belongs yeah there are at least two doors in between myself and Ernestine with tom brady's player her fuse can be shorter than mine and we had a battle all night long we kissed and made up i'm gonna add this and went to their separate bedrooms uh we kissed and made up at the end of the night i said i'm sorry but it is just a jinx rule that you have to honor this this is truly psychotic do you think do you think skip in the middle of the night feels a little bit randy sometimes makes the walk tip toes down the hallway and knocks on Ernestine's

door right before his treadmill workout yeah uh they usually honor friday night's his date night unless there's a particularly big game it's all about compromise Ernestine said i don't think you yeah i guess i mean it sounds like a lot of compromising coming from you from both people we both agreed to compromise with skip we both agreed to yeah sleeping in different bedrooms uh she has learned to make it work which is the point of her book she has the greatest thing she's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me skip said i get emotional about it because she's so real so true and so loyal i don't know anyone who could put up with me but she has from day one we're not we're not just good together we're great together damn that's so love baby

that's so sweet love and i love also this is like uh story about Ernestine's book and she's quoted like three times and it's just all skip bales's quotes well they know what sells that they know the sizzle that they agree they agree that skip would do the interview for Ernestine yeah they compromised and said that skip would would give all the quotes for this one i think little theory i'm throwing out there skip has a second family with steven a smith during the week yeah that's why he makes her stay away from him and sleep in a separate bedroom i also like that we have like a whole story a whole book that was written to explain why skip bales is a psychopath it's like we didn't need the book we knew uh-huh we looked at his twitter although in skip bales's

mind this does this book serves to humanize him a little bit that's true it's like anyone it does give me hope if skip bales can find love anyone can find love that's true that's true a man who if you cut him balls will fall out balls pop out yeah just balls everywhere it's like it's like opening up a bag at at gym class in third grade balls everywhere yeah kind of lesson yeah okay i would watch a skip bales six tape though oh for sure let's let's be honest both are in very good shape yeah watching those two like that's like one the first thing you would want for watching a sexting they should absolutely they should absolutely do one where he's on the couch watching a game and she pokes her head in he's like not now tom brady is playing my cowboys are trailing in the

fourth quarter yeah and she like does a little strip tease the sex tape doesn't actually involve any sex at all it's just her trying to initiate sex getting naked and skip bales ignoring her and then her going back into a room with an eight by ten of steven a smith all right that's our show we'll see everyone Wednesday huge guest bigger than grok very big yeah love you guys hey You can save me, you can save me, you can save me I swear better to be safe than sorry Take me on, take me on, take me on, take me on

Take me on, take me on, take me on, take me on You can save me, you can save me, you can save me, you can save me, you can save me I swear better to be safe than sorry Take me on, take me on, take me on, take me on, take me on Take me on, take me on, take me on, take me on Take me on, take me on, take me on, take me on Take me on, take me on, take me on, take me on Take me on, take me on, take me on, take me on

It's part of my take presented by Bar Stool Sports