Pardon My Take - Patton Oswalt, We Start A Dungeons And Dragons Game + Waffle House Fighting

Episode Date: May 13, 2020

MLB might be back and NBA seems like its making progress but the real news of the day is Waffle House fighting. (2:57-10:05) We read one of the best stories on the internet about a guy who continually fights the same Waffle House cook for screwing up his eggs. (10:06-26:08) Hot Seat/Cool Throne including a call to Marlins Man. (26:25-45:46) Patton Oswalt joins the show to talk about his new stand up on Netflix, "I Love Everything", comedy in 2020 and being in a million funny shows/movies. (47:22-1:22:36) We start our bi-monthly Dungeons and Dragons game with Dungeon Master Tim Woods and the gang gets into trouble right off the bat. (1:21:31-2:04:07)You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take, we have Patton Oswalt, great interview with Patton Oswalt, and then we're gonna try something a little different. So our Dungeons and Dragons episode received critical acclaim. I think we won an Oscar, or no, an Emmy, a Webby, and an Emmy, we won all these awards. So we said, let's, if people like it, let's do it, let's do it.

So what we're gonna do is every other Wednesday, till the end of our crusade or adventure, whatever you call it, we're going to do our Dungeons and Dragons adventure. So Billy Football has joined us, it is me, Billy, PFT Hank, and our good friend Dungeon Master Tim Woods. He is going to lead us through a full game of Dungeons and Dragons. So we have part one, after Patton Oswalt, with a cliffhanger. We also have Hot Seat, Cool Throne, and a special Wednesday reading that must be done. Would you say that this is our geekiest episode of Part 1?

By far. It's geek week. By far. It is beyond the, if you had told us we were gonna be doing this and we were not gonna have sports, I don't know. Listen, the human mind copes in mysterious ways. So we have Dungeons and Dragons. All right, but we're brought to you and we're in the Cash App Studio right now.

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You get $10 for free, $10 to ASPCA. Today is Wednesday, May 13th. We have NBA players coming together to say they want to keep the season going. We have MLB billionaire owners crying poor and trying to get the baseball players to play a season. But more importantly than all of this, we got Waffle House fighting. It is an awesome day to be online because this Waffle House thing broke. Before we get to it, I just read this.

The state of Arizona is saying that they will allow Major League sports to continue. I think May 15th with no fans in attendance. All the California teams go hang out in Arizona. Yeah, so the Phoenix Coyotes can play games. We've all been waiting for them. Congratulations to Diamondbacks. Or they could just do an entire season of baseball at the spring training facility. Yeah, I have hope for NBA.

I have hope for baseball, although the move... The spitting is an issue in baseball. The move that the owners are making right now where they're crying poor but not actually showing how they're poor is an all time move. And then somehow spinning it to be like, well, the players really got to do us a solid here and take a lot less money and have a salary cap and do a 50-50 split. Yeah, so walk me through this because I read that the league said that they put forth... I guess the owners put forth an option to get playing again with an 82 game season that

starts in July with a 50-50 revenue split. Now I don't know what the... I know in football, I think it's 51-49. What is it normally in baseball? So in baseball, there's obviously no salary cap and so you have incredible salaries. What the players want to do and I think it's totally fair is they want to come back and play for the prorated salary. The owners are saying, we're not going to make any money this year.

We're going to lose money this year. Let's do a 50-50 split and that's how we can get baseball going. But the owners in baseball do this funny little tricky thing where they say they're going to lose money and then they don't show anyone how they're going to lose money. So they don't actually open their books. They don't actually tell you, okay, this is actually what it looks like. They just cry poor and say, it's got to come out of your pockets too. And now...

I think billionaires should pay for their own fucking rosters. Well, and now we got the whole stupid, you know, like other billionaires coming to... I mean, J.B. Pritzker, the governor of Illinois, coming to bat for the billionaire owners being like, players really have to make some sacrifices here. How about the... Small ball. They're just paying prorated. It's also crazy because what do you do?

There's no salary cap in baseball. So now you're saying there's going to be a salary cap for one year? Do they sign one year deals at random numbers and then next year they go back to their salaries? That's how it works. If you make a concession in a negotiation with a billionaire, chances are he'll probably give you that concession back next year so that he can make less money or she can make less money. So what you're saying to me is that this year, if you hypothetically have a contract that

pays you $20 million, you're not going to get your $20 million, you're not even going to get that portion of the salary for the games that you will play. Instead, you're going to get a percentage of what your team's roster, the entire salary for your team's roster is based on how much revenue the league is bringing in. Correct. Okay. Yeah, that's going to be a tough sell to the players association. If I were a player, I am sure there will be public pressure to try to get them back

to play. So I'm not going to be someone to be in players you have to take less just because the guys are saying that the people in charge are saying they're losing money even though they won't tell you how they're losing money. Right. So open up the books. Open up the books. Let me see the books.

Let's see the books. Open the fucking books. There it is. Watch the upward. Yeah, JB Pritzker has like $3 billion so it's pretty good for him to be like, hey, players really got to make a sacrifice. Yeah, so I guess it looks like even if Arizona is opening up, a lot of these other states are thinking about that they're going to open up for major league sports.

You're still not going to have fans there. No. And that's that is an issue. If you're a billionaire owner, you are a business person. And so you're like, oh, shit, I'm not going to make as much money this year. So why don't I don't know why don't they just like ask for more money in TV rights? Because for every person that doesn't go to a game, they're going to be watching on TV. Yeah.

I mean, it's it's 82 game season. They're proposing starting July 1st. I actually think the TV like people will watch it a lot more on TV, not only because it's captive audience, but 82 game. That's a sprint. Like if you if you have a five game losing streak in the 82 game, you're sunk. It just means more. Yeah, I like the 82 game season.

Also let's let's go across the pond real quick. Our dinos are whipping the shit out of people. They're a fucking wagon. These dinos are dominant. The only reason that they lost a game the other night, they gave up like seven runs on the ninth inning. Whatever. I mean, I don't really like how we've been dealing with the bullpen, but that's for another

day. Well, the bullpen shaky, for sure. I'd like to see a little bit more production at the leadoff spot, but it's situational hitting. It's early in the season and the defense is going to get better. So you're not going to see too many of those crooked numbers as we get into later months, whenever the end of the Korean baseball season traditionally is. Yes.

When that will call it September. In September, our bullpen between September and November. We just need the bullpen to settle down October ish. Yeah. Around. And in October, adjacent month, I really wish that they would just put one of those fucking mannequins that's in the stands wearing a Marlins jersey. Yes.

Oh, speaking. No, no, no. It's my cool throne. It's my cool throne. Save it. Save it. Save it. Save it.

It's my cool throne. All right. We'll get to it. All right. Let's talk Waffle House because that's the real news of the day. Uh huh. So we have an emergency Wednesday reading because we have one of the greatest. Now, I don't, whenever these get posted online, we don't know if they're true, but let's

not all be fucking assholes and be like, no, it's fake. Let's just have fun with it and say there's a 95 percent chance it's true. Wait, I don't mean to derail the conversation. Can we go back to that NBA secret meeting that happened today? Was Kyrie involved? I do not believe so. I think it was LeBron, Giannis Kyrie is going to have some Hawaii about the Illuminati of the NBA getting together and deciding their fate.

I also heard a wild take today about Max Kellerman saying that, um, what was it? Oh, he was saying that if they come back and play a playoffs, it will be a, an asterisk next to that team forever. Just like this, everyone says the Spurs only have four and a half titles. We do say that everyone says that I can't go longer than 12 hours for integrating the Spurs dynasty. I love when these talking head guys try to, they're like, yeah, like Joe blow sports fan, you know, he's just walking around the Barbie and like those Spurs and those four

and a half titles. I had a, I had a double, I like did a double check with a week. Oh yeah. The lockout year. No, no one remembers that. Although, I mean, let's be fair here. If the Lakers win, Hank is absolutely putting an ass on LeBron James. It doesn't count.

Yeah. It doesn't count. LeBron James. It does not count. It does not count. Okay. Waffle House, Waffle House. The most, uh, called my boyfriend keeps getting into fights with a cook at Waffle House.

Here's how it starts. I know this sounds really weird, but here it is. My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. We met and started dating when we were both in graduate school. That's actually a good note to have there. They have advanced past bachelor's degree. I dropped out to go back to college to pursue a different career. We are both finished now and live together making a fairly nice combined income.

Our income is relevant because we could afford to eat somewhere nice when we're out and about, but he always wants breakfast food. Okay. Real quick. First of all, uh, let's not shame people that eat at Waffle House because if you're a millionaire, you should still be going to Waffle House on a regular basis. It is the best night food. It's the best breakfast.

It's drunk food. It's great. Waffle House. It's drunk. Waffle House is one of America's finest institutions. Um, he's, cause she goes on to say when he was a child, his dad couldn't stand eating breakfast type food in the afternoon or evening. So his mom would make him waffles slash pancakes, eggs and bacon in the evening whenever his

dad was busy or out of town. It's a wonderful and safe memory for him. And when he goes to his happy place, he says that's where he always goes. I like this memory because it's basically the grown up version of when you're eight years old and you say, when I'm an adult, I'm going to eat candy for dinner. And then I, spoiler alert, I actually have done that many times. It is kind of a weird move though for a dad to say, we don't eat breakfast food at dinner time.

He's just a rules guy. That's, that's kind of bizarre to me. Yeah. I don't like that. I, one time I was at a grocery store and there's a person that was behind me in line. I was buying stuff to make breakfast for dinner and the guy was like, are you making, are you making breakfast? And I was like, yeah.

He goes, my wife won't let me eat breakfast for dinner. Damn. I felt so bad for the guy. That's really sad. All right. My boyfriend is an incredibly nice and caring person. He's, I love these, these long diatribes where they just try to set up like, no guys, he's actually totally normal and then drop the hammer.

Like my boyfriend is the sweetest, nicest person ever. Occasionally, he likes to fuck his mom in front of me, but I love him otherwise. I'm in the best relationship in my life. My boyfriend sometimes likes to bring guns out in the bedroom, but I figure we've all got our kinks. My boyfriend is so in tune with my feelings, but every now and then he fakes like he's going to push me in front of oncoming traffic. I'm afraid he's going to kill me.

Listen, I've got such a great boyfriend. We're in the best relationship of all time. It's something I could only have dreamt about when I was a little girl. He owns this island called Little Saint James and he goes there a lot with some of his friends. He makes good money. So we're doing pretty well. We have a beautiful house in Manhattan. Okay, so back to the story.

He loves animals in his kind. This is really, she's doing the checklist of like he's not a sociopath. He loves animals and is kind and gentle with every bug, bird and pet that he comes across. Dude, you don't have to be gentle with every bug. Yeah, with a bug? Like a spider? I'm going to smash that spider. A murder hornet?

Going to fuck it up. He's almost always willing to turn the other cheek in social situations where somebody tries to insult him or get aggressive towards him and usually winds up defusing the situation and having a productive discussion about whatever the issue was, except at Waffle House. By the way, at last point, you don't get points for being an adult that doesn't get into fights. It sounds like he doesn't get into fights a lot. Right. Like this is a common occurrence for him where he should get into a fight, where most people

get into a fight, that he calmly talks his way out of it. Unfortunately, that's not like, you don't get to walk around like a boy scout with being like, see this badge? Someone took my parking spot at Whole Foods. I didn't fight him. Uh huh. That's not how it works. That's why a boyfriend fights using logic and reason.

He likes to use his words and diffuse everything. Okay. Uh, anytime we're out, he wants to go to the same goddamn Waffle House and get breakfast food. I'm not a big eater, so I used to not really care. I would just drink coffee and read my book while he enjoyed his food, which is awesome visual. Just like, honey, let me get in my happy place.

Uh, but that became impossible once he and this one cook started chirping at each other every time we went there. Boyfriend complained about his eggs one time because he likes them a little runny and they were served hard. The cook responded by giving him scrambled eggs. That's hilarious. When he brought it up again, the cook served him two hardboiled eggs. Funny.

Even funny. Very funny. I think it was just part of the cook's shtick, which, who doesn't know a cook with a shtick? You gotta have one. If you're a short order cook, that's, you know what, that's a feature, not a bug for that waffle house because that's the funny cook that fucks up your order and tells you, if you go to waffle house and you expect to have your order 100% correct every single time, you my friend are not understanding the true charm of going to waffle house.

It's like, I want breakfast food. They serve you a breakfast food and then you eat it. Kind of. Yes. Kind of. Maybe. Uh, the cook responded by giving him scrambled eggs. When he brought it up again, the cook served him two hardboiled eggs.

I think it was just part of the cook shtick and it was kind of funny to be honest, but my boyfriend wasn't able to laugh it off. When we left, he was in kind of a bad mood, but we didn't really talk about it. The next week we're out getting some shopping done and he wanted to go to waffle house again. I suggested that we try out a different place or at least a different waffle house location, but he only wanted the same waffle house, which if you've been in the South, there's a waffle house every other block and they look identical. Exactly.

That's it. That's the entire point of waffle. It's just a food station. It's just like being like, I want to go to this McDonald's and not that McDonald's. We went in and sat down and once again, the same cook served his eggs wrong. My boyfriend sort of snapped at him that he wasn't interested in messing around and just wanted the correct eggs. The cook then served him a piece of toast with a hole cut out in the middle with a fried

egg in it. That sounds delicious by the way. Toad in the hole. Yeah. My boyfriend got really mad and threw the egg toast at the cook, which made the cook come around from behind the bar and throw it back at him. They ended up sort of wrestling, fighting until my boyfriend was like, this is bullshit and walked out.

Nobody got hurt, but the few other people in there were watching and laughing a bit. Well, here's the thing. You don't want to get into it with a waffle house cook because waffle house cooks know how to handle themselves. Most of their clientele is drunk. They're belligerent. It's late at night. You have to be able to fight if you're going to be.

It's like the most dangerous, the most, I would say the most aggressive, like self-defense capable jobs in America. I would put waffle house right up there with like black water employees. Someone replied, the first reply to this tweet was, I went to a job interview for waffle house and one of the questions was, can you fight? Yeah. It has to be. I mean, have you been to a waffle house at two o'clock in the morning?

Can you handle yourself? You remember that story in the news like a year ago about a waffle house cook that took somebody's AK-47 away from them or they disarmed a dude with an AR-15? Very dangerous. That's day one training. Yes. You're a waffle house cook. All right.

So back to the story. This is the crazy part. My boyfriend keeps going back and ordering eggs and getting into fist fights with the same cook. It's almost a ritual at this point. My boyfriend orders runny eggs. The cook serves him some other version of eggs and then they beat the shit out of each other.

I quit going with him after the second fight, but he kept going by himself. They're like Peter and the giant chicken from Family Guy. It's the weirdest thing. They've physically fought like six or seven times over this. I think they're actually friends. Yeah. Oh, they are. This is just guys horsing around.

Yes. This has become a friendship. If they weren't actually friends, he would not be allowed inside the waffle house anymore. If you get into a fight, I'm not going to say if you get into a fight at a waffle house, you're never welcome back because they would have no clients. If you get into a fight with the same person more than four times in a waffle house, then at some point they'll be like, hey, can you just come back when he's not working? This is sport.

They're like, they basically, they probably text each other beforehand. You're like, you want a brawl today? You want to go? Yeah. You want to go buddy? I've tried to talk to him about it a few times, but he keeps saying it's a matter of principle. I've told him to talk to the manager or something like that, but he just waves me off.

Apparently the cook hasn't yet made him the correct runny eggs, but it's like he spends the week learning new ways of preparing eggs to piss my boyfriend off. I think he does exactly that. I'm on team cook here. I want to get out in front of that. I'm on team both their sides because he's right. It is a matter of principle. But asking for an egg that's a little bit runny, that's a tough egg to make.

Not for a cook. For anyone. You could do it. If you're a cook at a crowded waffle house and you've got a million orders going on, making the perfectly runny egg is a difficult task. I don't think this is crowded. I think this is the middle of the day when Waffle House says no one. If that's in fact correct, if this guy is going for a casual lunch at Waffle House.

Well, using from clues here, it's got to be a lunch or a dinner and they were one day going out shopping and then they went to Waffle House. I think it's just middle of the day. They're just fighting. Waffle. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know about that.

You either go to Waffle House at night for dinner or you go early in the morning for like a late, late, just a meal that you have at Waffle House called Waffle House. They do lunch. It's not called breakfast, lunch or dinner. She said he does lunch and dinner there. All right. So then it finishes up. The thing is we're getting married this summer.

He's accepted a job in a new city and it'll be easy for me to find work after the wedding. So we'll be moving away from his sworn enemy Waffle House guy. He hasn't really been out since quarantine started, but it wouldn't surprise me if that's the first place he goes when restaurants open back up for sitting customers. But my main worry is this strange vindictive side of him I've never seen before that leads him to fight the same guy every week. The violence itself is an issue for me, but the obsession over it almost bothers me more. Should I be worried that this side of him will come up later in our marriage?

How do I get him to open up about this? Is this type of obsession a choice or is it indicative of something deeper? You need to cook him eggs and you need to cook him the perfect runny egg and see if he has any desire to stop going to that Waffle House. Because if he decides to stop going, then it was about the eggs this whole time. If he keeps going back, it's just because they're bros and he misses the human body craves contact, right? So he likes getting into a fight every now and again.

I honestly don't, I think this guy is actually the most well adjusted adult I've ever heard because he seems like a great guy, but having a grudge or a point of principle that you will not let up, it's like a bulldog with a tennis ball in his mouth. Those guys just have to do that. Sometimes you just have to beef silently or actually physically fight. I'm thinking about, I have this guy who lives in my building who on July 4th I was using the community grill and he came up and he moved my steaks over and put his own food on there without asking me.

I scowl at that motherfucker every time I see him. I haven't said anything, but I have a grudge and I fucking hate him and if I ever get in a point where he lost his keys and I have a chance to let him in, I won't let him in. It's a passive grudge, but having a grudge and having a foe that you wake up in the morning and you're like, fuck that guy, it's healthy. A grudge, not so much a foe is very important. A rival. It's important for guys to have rivals.

You are rivals against grill guy. I'm rivals with DK Metcalf, Hank's rivals with the English language and I guess chocolate milk somehow. Boners. Boners. Hank's rivals. We were rivals, but not really. Good point.

Hank actually declared he and his, in PFT's rivalry over because PFT can't beat him. Which, well, I beat him literally 15 minutes ago. But my, I figured you out. You can't, my defense is too good. My defense is too good. You still can't get an interaction. Wow. That's not true.

Okay. So that rivalry is over. But yes, having a rival, you see that, I mean, we're watching, we're watching the last dance right now. MJ just has rivals like fake, real, doesn't matter. Having something to drive you every single day is healthy. I do think that Waffle Houses are great places to get in fights. Yeah.

It seems like everyone is, you know, everyone that's at a Waffle House is, is ready that there might be a fight at any given time. It's like a UFC crowd. All the tables are have rounded corners on them. So if you fall, you're probably not going to split your head open. It's like chest boxing. So I'm with this guy. I think he's totally, I think he's a wellage.

I mean, maybe the actual fist fighting as an adult is a little much, but it actually doesn't sound like they're fist fighting. They're more wrestling. Which is, that's just kind of, you're basically doing, it's gentlemen's fighting. No face stuff. Right. Everyone's home for dinner. Right.

Stay away from the groin. No fist fighting. No one has to say anything to their boss. Like what happened to your face? You're just trying to, you're just trying to wrestle each other and, and like feats of strength. Do you think that there's an outside chance that this guy has a preexisting relationship with the Waffle House cook in a way that he told him, Hey, I'm going to fuck with my

fiance. Let's get into a fight and have a rivalry every time I come to your restaurant. And then he just never told his fiance. He's like pulling a big prank on her. Well it could, that, that theory could make sense if he was like, I love my happy place, but what really bothers me is my fiance demands coming. So he found a way to go to his happy place. Whereas fiance refuses to go.

You know what happened? They go in there the first time and he's like, this is, as you say, my happy place for me. That would be a place like Buffalo Wildlings. You go there, you sit down, you're guaranteed a good time. She comes along. What does she do the first thing when they sit down? She opens up a book. She doesn't even try to enjoy Waffle House disrespect.

And so he's like, you know what? I'm going to get into a fight with this guy until she leaves and demands to stop coming. Because I listen, I'm going to get my brain smothered, covered and what is it, chunk diced in front of her. If that's what it takes to make her stop reading a book at a Waffle House. Yeah. He pays, he pays this guy off. He tips him extra to be like, Hey, let's just make sure that I can come here.

And he's probably getting the best eggs every single time. He probably eats his runny eggs that are perfectly cooked. And then he says, what's up to his cook friend? And he's like, Hey, can you just maybe give me a noogie and give me one solid like punch in the liver so that I can go home with a couple of scratches? Yeah. I mean, I love this relationship. I love everything about it.

I love this guy. I really do think that having a point of principle, having something that you like one of those standoffs that you're like, you know what? Today, I'm not going to give up. I'm not going to let someone push me around. When was the last time you got into a fight? Fist fight? Well, just like a fight, grappling fist, that sort of thing.

December 15th. There it is. December 15th. There you go, champ. That's since college. I don't think. I'm trying to think. I don't think since college.

What about you, Hank? December 15th. Well, besides that, outside of a sanctioned event. Probably college. Yeah. College. College. I got into a fight in Hong Kong, but it was like kind of a bro fight because the

guy was wearing the same outfit that I was. He was shirtless, also wearing the same color shorts I was, and we just looked at each other and you knew it was on. And then afterwards, we were friends. There's no better feeling in the world. That's not a fight. Then getting into a fight with somebody and then afterwards, like in the middle of the fight, you realize that you and I are more similar than we are different.

Was this when you were high on ecstasy? This was when I was high on MDMA. Yes. Yeah. Okay. So you might have just been kissing the dude. Rolling balls. No, because it's on camera.

Okay. So confirmed not kissing. Confirmed fight, though. Confirmed. It was a rassle. Yeah. Also, isn't that like saying hello at a rugby game? Pretty much, yeah.

Just wrestling each other. Not a threat. Just a couple rugby guys. Just wrestling. Fuck out of each other. All right. So this guy, yeah. Waffle House guy.

Love him. I fucking love him. I'd like to see a movie about this guy. Yeah. He and David Buster's guy should really link up or at least have a principle off. A quibi about this guy. Is that what it's called? Quibi.

Yeah. Shut up. Quibi. RIP. Speaking of hot seat. Combat never forgotten. All right. Yeah.

Hot seat, cool throne is brought to you by. Oh. Oh. I'll do it this time. I'm going to do it this time. I've actually been thinking about this. Brian Seltzer. You can't try and read it.

No. I'll read it normally. I'll read it normally. So the PFT and Hank are going to try to chug a hot. Oh, there you go. A hot Seltzer. A hot Seltzer. It's actually a cool Seltzer.

A Bud Light Seltzer. No Billy. Okay. Hot seat, cool throne is brought to you by our friends at Bud Light Seltzer. Try it for yourself and see why great tasting Bud Light Seltzer is putting every other hard Seltzer on the hot seat. Done. PFT was close.

Hank not even close. Not close. I was kind of close. What happened? You said you were practicing. Hank's graduated from battling. I said I was thinking about it. Bud Light Seltzer.

Got it. Not actually practicing. You thought about it. Yeah. You thought about it. You thought about it. You thought about micro dosing before you record an episode. I have not.

My hot seat PFT was one of them four o'clock on Thursday. You can see probably going to be a four nothing sweep. So make sure you go early because it's going to be over early. Wow. Wait. I'm not even dignifying that with an answer. What do you guarantee on it? Four one or better?

Yeah. That's just Hank's imagination. Four one or better. Or what? He's just guaranteed. Our Hank has to show his boobs. Okay. Not on Twitch.

Can just kick off. I'll do a show. Yeah. I'll do a show and no shirt on. Okay. All right. And you same for you. If it's if it's four one or better.

Deal. All right. I might do that anyway. Okay. I'm curious. I feel like she's just on the literal hot seat. Like her job. Like the proverbial hot seat.

She's like on it. Why? In terms of talk show host. It's just story after story. Like the avalanche has started where like former interns and former people that work for her just coming out one after another after another after another after another saying how shitty of a person she is. Interesting choice of words.

How you phrase that. But go on. No. Go on. What? No. Nothing. Okay.

She's just on the hot seat. I think she's coming out. Oh. Thought that was an interesting choice of words. I didn't know if he was trying to. Coming forward. No. I was not a PFT.

I don't I don't have that type of brain capacity in me to do that. People coming forward with bad story after bad story after bad story. It's a recent one. It was like a security guard that worked for her for a long time and like she basically wouldn't acknowledge anyone that wasn't like her close family and like this. So this guy was a security guard and she was like I've worked for many celebrities double blah. She's the only person that doesn't even like say hi and introduce herself to the security

guard. Not even to like fans and shit like the security guard. She just was like a dickhead. How does celebrities not realize that everyone they come in contact with at least in their inner circle is going to someday be like hey here's a tweet thread about how shitty of a person this person is. That is kind of a it's a lot of pressure I guess like everyone that you make or everyone that you make friends with or meet is they've got a story immediately about well but but

I'm not even talking about anyone you like you could meet someone have a bad day you meet someone it's a bad interaction whatever a security guard like that's crazy. It also came out she like called Steve Jobs to complain about her iPhone like she's fine. Yeah that actually is get that probably did better like that did good for the rest of the country. She got to the front of the line and helped us and like this sucks where how long that was been a while ago. Well that's the thing it's all coming out that like she's on the hot seat in the sense

of like the avalanche has started and it's just like she's under the microscope her view of being like nice nice lady and she's gonna do a teary eyed apology and all that blah blah blah and everyone will be like Ellen you go girl stay strong like the haters just trying to get you and then she'll just keep being a shitty person to people. Didn't her she had some some people that worked on her staff that also got in trouble recently. It's like everyone around her she's turning people evil. She a witch. I think she's part of some deep conspiracy theories too.

Yeah for sure. Okay we're gonna put her. So we don't need to say. Yeah. Okay. Your cool throne? My cool throne is the cross. Support of the future.

Yep. Paul Rable figured out betting. So they're doing an event in the summer. People are gonna be able to bet on it. In. Where's that? I don't know. On a lacrosse field.

On a lacrosse field. Somewhere. Somewhere. You can watch on NBC Sports. Put the house on the water dogs. That's all I know. Yep. My other cool throne is nostalgia.

Do you have a hashtag for the water dogs? Wooter. I don't know. Bark Bark. Bark Bark. Yeah. Bark Bark. Nostalgia Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 1 and 2 are getting re-released so it's like updated

the same game. Same maps or whatever. Whatever you call them. Same maps. Same soundtrack. But you're gonna be able to do online play. Updated graphics. All that shit.

So that's gonna be great. The soundtrack for Tony Hawk those were incredible. That is like the soundtrack to my adolescence. Right. I used to just play the Bob Rehnquist. Blitzkrieg Bolt. What's his name? We would make that the only song you could play.

What's his name? Superman by Goldfinger. No. What was the Bob Rehnquist? Bob Rehnquist. Bob Rehnquist. Rehnquist. Bob Rehnquist.

Bucky Lassick was my guy. With the glasses. Yep. Sick. Okay. My hot seat is Florida beaches. Florida beaches are on the hot seat so they're opening up the beaches in Florida and that's not the reason why I'm putting them on my hot seat.

The reason why is because there have been a bunch of protests in Florida about them not opening the gyms up in Florida. So I don't know if you saw this. There were a lot of people that were on the sidewalk in front of the Capitol I believe. They were doing squats. They were doing burpees to protest gyms not being open so you can't get your gains in. But it's actually a sneaky genius move by the Florida government to open up the beaches but not open up the gyms which will encourage fewer people to go to the beaches because

they're not in beach shape yet. Wait but hold on. Back up one second. So a bunch of people went to the Capitol and worked out to protest not being able to work out? Yes. Correct. Okay.

They worked out on the sidewalk to be like you have taken my freedom to do this which I'm doing now. Yep. But it is kind of a smart move to be like hey yeah you can go to the beach but you're going to be in the worst shape of your life. Yes. Absolutely. My cool throne is Sammy Watkins being an occult.

There's an article today in Bleach Report where it was tied down I believe profiled him and Sammy Watkins opened up and as we've been speculating we've been squatting on the take that Sammy Watkins isn't a cult for like the last three years on the show. Sammy really really let him have it. Like talked about all the weird stuff he's saying that after this coronavirus is over we're going to go break the ice on the rings of Saturn and live there for a while before coming back to Earth. Really it's one of these stories that you have a hard time really pointing and laughing

at Sammy Watkins because he was in a dark place when he got drafted by the bills. He didn't have Josh Allen yet and he just went out and partied every single night had a miserable life did not enjoy his life was under so much pressure and then he kind of like rediscovered himself by getting into a cult and so now he's happy that he's in a cult. Well he also gets the post championship. You can kind of say whatever you want for a year like you can just say whatever you want.

Banners fly forever. Yeah you just say it and people are like well you won a Super Bowl. Exactly. Yeah and he was awesome in the playoffs. Yes. Yeah so he it flies for whatever he's doing right now I guess stick with it if it makes you it doesn't matter what kind of fucked up beliefs you have as long as you're happy and you're not actively hurting somebody else.

So Sammy Watkins could believe whatever the hell he wants. What do you do just make sure that your fantasy owners are happy on Sundays. Yes. That's the true cult that you should belong to. Yes. All right. My hot seat is Doja Cat number one is that a nickname for yourself. No you did you set me up.

No. Okay. So she's a rapper. You guys told me to do this. Doja Cat said that she would show her tits if she went number one and then she went number one and she's like I played all of you. I haven't been this disappointed since the time those porn stars said that they'd give everyone blowjobs if like Brazil won the World Cup.

Well I think that disqualifies as wire fraud doesn't it. Yeah. I mean she said it using wires. Doja gate. We got I got entrapped into being horny for Nicki Minaj and now she's taking it back. Doja Cat. Doja Cat. Doja Cat.

Different people. Nicki Minaj is on the song now. Oh she's on the song. Yes. Oh well yeah who gives a shit. Oh no I'm not going to get to see Doja Cat. No Doja Cats. I would actually say I'd rather see Doja Cat than Nicki Minaj after all the plastic surgery

she's had. Doja Cat seems like she might have the real ones. Something going on. The real ones. All right yeah well yes Doja Cat what the fuck. I always wanted to see your boobs and now I can't. Like at least have fun with it at least play it out. Don't just be like I played you hard.

That hurts. That really hurts. I listened to that song so many times. It's a boy who cried milf. What is it? Didn't mean to notice. Didn't mean to notice. The Tik Tok song.

It really has nothing to do with the boobs. It's really just she got the Tik Tok wave right. Yeah. Doja Cat shows her boobs. Well no it got big on Tik Tok and then they released the remix and that's who's like if the remix goes number one I'll show my. So it was like kind of both. Got it.

I'll show my nuts if she shows her boobs. Okay. That's my word to you Doja Cat. Deal. All right. My other hot seats is our medical profession the world of medicine. Neurosurgeons people who study brains because Darren Ravel is here with some definitive scientific studies that he has put out.

He said this is how it's done when it comes to bringing the NFL back. Number one players signed waivers. The team isn't responsible for them contracting COVID-19. Number two all players will sign parentheses. They already get CTE with near certainty. Number three players who test positive stay out for two weeks. Number two let's go back to number two. Number two all players will sign parentheses.

They already get CTE with near certainty. Darren Ravel normally when you fuck around and you're talking about Pantones and how much seats cost next to a person who's obese that you claim no one wants to sit next to. It's all fun and games. You don't know how to read a scientific study. That's pretty obvious. If I could get on my little my tiny soapbox here to bring me up to five nine. I will say this to Darren Ravel what he said actually does damage to the cause of people

who are trying to find out what the impact of CTE is on families and people that play in the NFL because you have to be a fucking dumbass to read that report and see that it's a hundred out of a hundred one brains have CTE and think that that's that means 99% of NFL players have it. That means that of the sample of people whose family members thought yes my husband or father killed themselves because they thought they had CTE the brain those brains that were donated ended up coming back positive. How about it's not the entire league.

How about the simple fact that we can't diagnose CTE in living people yet. So to say anything with near certainty would be completely wrong. Right. And dangerous. There are a lot of people out there that play in the NFL that will not develop CTE. They're trying to figure out ways to prevent it. And Darren Ravel through the worst part of it was not just that first week but all the different replies that he answered that he was saying no my numbers are well actually

well actually you're wrong Darren. Yeah he's just he's lost. He's lost. He's Darren Ravel is lost and he needs to be found. Open invite Darren to come on and be found because we will find you. We will put we will shake you up and put you back in it. Oh I see Billy football is in there. Oh Billy would you say there are so many ways you could phrase number two in a in like a

jokey way or neutral way but you legit chose the one demeaning soulless way and sounds like an asshole. Way to go Billy. Go Billy go off King. Yeah. Toramin that's our fucking kid right there. Handshake. Handshakes in the chat.

Yeah. Fuck yeah Billy. Fuck that Darren. All right my cool throne is us because we're about to call Marlins man because Marlin man sent us all DMs today saying it's been almost a month since I asked you to call me and you haven't called me which we did try to call him he just didn't pick up but we're going to call him right now so let's call Marlins man finally figure out what he wanted to talk about he said it's been almost a month since you didn't pick up my urgent call.

Marlins man what's up it's the guys from part of my take. Oh I love those guys. How are you guys doing. We're doing good man. I noticed. Here's the story. Go off. I love what you're doing and what I really love.

Wait you're being you're on the show right now just so you know you're on the show. I'm on the show so I got to behave. Okay yeah. Well first of all okay just so you know although I stopped I was the underbitter to David to go meet. Oh man how high were you willing to go Marlins man. At some point in time I'd rather buy a horse. Yes.

You know maybe a derby winner or something and let him have it but I backed out at like 160 something. God damn that would have been funny too though having Marlins. I didn't want to get into bidding war with him and I was even going to say like maybe he could bring me as his guest or something you know like I dressed up in a color. I know if I won I'd bring him as my guest he could come dressed up. That would be funny. Yes.

Okay what's two. But number two was you guys are very involved and it's I like them with Penn National right. Yes very involved. You could say that. Okay. There are governors. I like very much the little horse racing you have going around on the track. Cascade.

No. Yeah. I also love Doug's the coach the big heavy coach starting at Florida State. I think it's great. Yes. But here's the thing. I know personally the owner of Gulfstream and the former president of Gulfstream is my friend and he works here in my building and I told him why don't we do something

to try and get all these people who like barstools to realize how cool horse racing is because you guys always are at the front you don't you're not followers or leaders and why don't we do something instead of you having post time at 457 for a fake race. Why don't we make a barstool sports race at Gulfstream at like 457 while Penn National was closed because of the coronavirus epidemic. And if it works out well then you guys should have races the barstool race of the day at the different Penn National tracks at night Penn Nationals tracks mostly went at night. The reason why that's so important on the West Coast is three hours earlier.

I was thinking you might want to consider doing and I know Portnoy has been to Gulfstream I've seen him there on Pegasus day you know and I was thinking why don't we get for free for free for them. Why don't you want to pay him anything. Why don't I get him to sponsor like once a day the barstool race. You're coming at big has livelihood right now. No that's OK. You just think it sucks.

It's a great idea. And I think you got to calm down because we don't have the capitals and we don't have any of the Washington team that Nationals going now and I'm frustrated. I love that. You're you think. Yeah. Yeah. Morals man.

How about this. How about we do a little tit for tat. Yeah. Yeah. How about this though. How's your mom doing. Shut up. Shut up.

Yes. You keep your mouth shut. Yes. I actually liked her. She was nice. Oh we know. Yeah I know you did. I know you liked her.

And it's pretty funny because you were the Marlins woman so it kind of falls in. How about that. That's crazy huh. Yeah. Marlins man. How about this. Hey hey. Yeah.

What's up. What's up. What you're doing with Rita. I think that you guys together makes me happy and I like her as a person and you very much. So don't mess this one up. She's a good kid. Will do.

What about this Marlins man. This is something like what you're suggesting with the race but also you buy a horse that races on Big Cat's track. Yeah. So you purchase a mini horse. I know that you're really into horse ownership. I actually have a mini horse I can sell it. I've got a little to tell you.

Wait before I forget. 20,000 dollars. They reached out over the coronavirus chain stuff but you guys said you wanted to do it. When I was at the Army and Navy game this year and of course I had better seats than Trump. Trump was sitting in back of me in the first row. I'm in first row. Trump's in back of me.

They said whatever happened to the Big Cat and PFT going with you I ran an Iraq with the mermaid. We should do that. Oh yeah. We got to do that. Yeah. Here's what happened. I mean to get over that.

Somebody wrote an article two weeks ago about the mermaids and how they missed them compared to the nude flasher at the World Series. And all the former mermaids called me up and they said we want a reunion tour. We want to go to New York LA and Chicago. And I said why those cities. And they said they're so smart they are. Because they're all dark blue. We'll stand out in contrast.

We want to wear Marlin's bikini. That's why. That's why. I said I got better. Why don't we make orange barstool bikinis. You'll jump up and down it. Hell yes. All right.

Marlin's been these are great ideas. Let's. Hank's going to text you because we should actually talk about the racing thing. Yes. We'll talk about it offline. All right. Yeah. So I really like what you guys do.

And I really like nobody intimidates you. And I you know I started out with you guys about five six years ago. And I believed you. I took a lot of help for sticking up for you everywhere. And now everybody believes in it. I think it's great. We'll be here without you. All right.

Monsman Hank will be in touch. All right. Perfect. All right. Great talking to you. My mom says that you're a great friend. Tell your mom I miss her. All right.

So Hank you will follow up. Yeah. You don't follow up. I'm going to fucking. I'll be mad dude. I'll be sick though. Follow up. If you bought one of your horses.

Yeah. That I can sell them. Yeah. 15,000 20,000. I want 10 percent. Deal. Follow up then. All right.

Secure the deal. I want that now. Now I will. I want 10 percent as the ideas guy behind that. Five. Done. I'll buy you dinner. Done.

Okay. That was we're on the cool throne. We're on the cool throne. We finally called Marlin's man. All right. So we have two things coming up. So we're going to do Patton Oswell first. And then we are starting a dungeon and dragons adventure.

We are nerd hour. It's a nerd hour. We have Tim Woods. Our dungeon master is going to basically he's starting an adventure with us and Billy football and we are going to do every two weeks. We're going to pick up where we left off. So 30 minute bites of it until we reach. I don't know how you win it, but we'll win this game.

So it was very funny, ridiculous, ridiculous premise. But let's do that. P.F. Do you got a quick ad before Pat before we get to Patton Oswell want to talk to you guys about our good, good friends over at Simply Safe with all the uncertainty in this world feeling safe at home has never been more important. That's why I want to talk to you about Simply Safe home security. They're longtime friends of part of my take.

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Simply Safe and all of us here, we're wishing you guys safety and good health. And now, Patton Oswald. Okay, we now welcome on very special guest. He has a new stand up out in May 19th. It is Patton Oswald. I love everything is a new stand up. You can watch it on Netflix. You got nothing else to do, so you better be watching it.

Are you? Well, I'm sorry. Thanks for that ringing. That is a ringing endorsement. You got nothing else to do. You got nothing else to do. Are you? That's true.

Are you like there's this party you like everyone's just stuck at home watching Netflix. This is a Netflix boom for anyone who's got something coming out. So whenever they announced some new show that premieres, I'm so excited when a new movie comes out or a new season or something, I go when, yeah, I could not be more happy for new television. Yes. Absolutely. Yeah.

So you've done, you've been in like all my favorite shows, which is crazy. Like looking back through your body of work, you've done some very, very funny shows with very, very funny comedians that you're co-acting with. And a lot of these shows, it seems like there's a lot of improv that goes on during the scene. So you have a direction where you want to go if it's Parks and Rec or if it's Veeper or what have you. I've always wondered in an environment like that, is it competitive? Are you trying to out-funny the person next to you to a certain extent?

When you're younger, yes, you do try to do that because you're trying to make your name or you find your place in the scene. But as you get older, what you learn is the best way to make the whole scene funnier and thus make yourself more memorable is if everyone is trying to make each other funnier in the scene, if you're all setting each other up and the scene starts cooking and then everyone remembers the event of the scene and they remember that you were part of this amazing scene. But if everyone's trying to bulldoze or one another and be like, I'll be the funny one

in the scene, then yes, you'll get a funny moment, but the scene will die and the moment out of context won't really land. So the best scenes and if you watch shows like Parks and Rec and Veeper and stuff like that, it's people trying to make each other funny in the scene and that always built it up so much better. So going off what PFT just said about how you've been in pretty much everything and I agree with so many, so many funny scenes, funny shows, what is your approach when it comes to work and how you decide what you're going to do because you don't usually see

actors and comedians who are in as much, you know, as many things as you are in. Yeah, I guess for me, it's just I'm very, very, I've been very, very fortunate to get to, you know, I think when I do something, I'm usually so excited to be there and that I guess word of that gets around, like he likes being in things, let's, you know, bring him in, he'll, and I try to always usually when I'm in something, I'm a fan of what I'm in. I mean, right now television is so good. That's a weird thing to say, but TV is so good that all the shows you get to be on,

you're like, oh, I'm going to, I remember this amazing something is so you show up excited and then it just kind of snowballs from there. Yeah, it is true. We are kind of in that like golden age. It feels weird to say, but we are in a golden age of television where there are so many good things going on at the same time and you can watch anything at any time. On any, and in any kind of subject matter, like if you like science fiction, there's amazing science fiction.

If you like sports, not just the live sporting events, now there's like the sports documentaries on 30 for 30 and the stuff that HBO documentaries does about sports. Adam Corolla has some racing documentaries on Netflix that are fascinating. Like again, any area that you're interested in, there's something really well made about it. Obviously true crime, obviously comedy, all that stuff. It's just it's everything is exploding and it's fascinating. I've always wondered if there's a difference between being in, you know, a big hit show that comes out on Netflix and one that, you know, trickles out traditionally where it's

got your defined seasons and you get like kind of like a lasting, oh, you're the guy that's in this television show and it kind of, you know, it lasts years at a time, whereas it comes out on Netflix and everybody is just singing your praises for a few months telling you how great this is. But then it kind of fades away really quickly. Like which one of those two dynamics do you prefer? That's a wow. I never thought I wonder if that's going to change how people.

Wow, because with TV, with what you said TV that comes out like an episode a week over a number of years, you kind of develop and grow with the character and you grow with people's reactions to it. But with a Netflix or Hulu series where you shoot the whole thing and then just here's the whole series, you have kind of made, yes, you still develop the character and you shoot it over, you know, however months it takes to shoot it, but you have decided on that character and then the public kind of reacts to it in total rather than week to week or especially if you do like a traditional sitcom or one hour show on network TV, you're

about four or five episodes ahead. So if an episode comes out and people react strongly for or against something, you will adjust that as you do future episodes. And that's always, that was always part of TV. I never thought of it that way. I wonder if there are, there's probably younger actors coming up that will never understand that process. Right.

I gotta imagine it's a good thing to be able to react to your audience a little bit and see what works. Like, was there a time in your career, like one of the characters that you were playing where you did adjust what you were doing? I do remember very clearly the first couple of seasons of King of Queens. I was just not a trained actor and I was really, really floundering and I wasn't able to figure out how to make the character funny. And, and then so in between seasons two and three, I started working with an acting

coach and had a friend come and lead lines with me and really, really work on like what to do with the scenes and maybe mess around. And I was like rewatch the episodes, um, especially to watch people like Kevin James and Jerry Stiller who are so amazing. And then to see like, well, how are they landing this stuff so effortlessly and then putting that work in and figuring that out. Um, wow, that's a really, God, that's a really good area to explore because also what's happened is yes, it's a good thing to adjust, but sometimes it's a bad

thing if all you're doing is chasing the audience's approval, you can miss the opportunity to develop your character in a unique way that at first people don't like and then they go, Oh, wait a minute, that's amazing. What some of these Netflix and Hulu shows allow the actors to do without them. An actor and actors can work and they don't have to have a studio and set them in and go, well, the ratings aren't good. You got it. You know, they are allowed to develop their, I don't know what's just, there's

positives and negatives to both. That's a really interesting question. Yeah. It's, it's, it's also like, I've actually even noticed that, um, I'm rewatching because again, we have nothing to do. I'm rewatching all the office and I remember watching it the first time, loving the, the Pam and Jim storyline and being like, I'm rooting for them. And now I'm rewatching it.

Maybe it's because I know the ending, but I, I'm so annoyed by them constantly on camera. And I think it's because I'm watching four or five episodes in one night where I'm seeing their interactions. I'm like, this is over the top. Whereas when you watch it once a week and a new one comes out, it doesn't, it feels like you have a whole life in between and it doesn't feel as in your face.

Wow. You know, that's a really, the office and parks and record really good examples because very famously the first six episodes of those shows, the tones are so different than the rest of the series. They tried to be, everyone was a little meaner and negative and cause they were trying to emulate Ricky Gervais and they learned very quickly. People don't like this and they adjusted those shows, especially parks and wreck parks and wreck early on.

It's very, very snarky, very dark, um, very kind of anti-heroesque. And then they adjusted it and then made the show work. So, but what you're saying with a Netflix or Hulu model, they don't do that adjustment. That's the whole season. And sometimes if you shoot a show, you're in a bubble where you're on set going, God, this is so brilliant. But what you think is so brilliant when you put it in front of an audience or

just like, I don't get this. Have you ever had a moment where you've been in part of a project and, uh, in the moment you're like, this is awesome. And then you yourself watch it back and be like, ooh, that, I would have done something differently here. Yeah. There's been a couple of things and I don't want to name them because they're some of them are done by friends of mine and some of them have friends of mine

in it, but yeah, there's been a couple of things, a couple of movies, a couple of TV episodes that I've been in where I'm like, this decision I'm making is pretty cool. And then you see how people react to it. You're like, oh, yeah, I might have been a little self indulged in there. Or something that we did on one day, but then fit in, in a bigger context, just doesn't work and you got to lose it. And it's so, it's heartbreaking when that happens, right?

It happens. It's part of the risk, but it's also part of the fun at the same time. Oh yeah. Do you have any problems writing a character and then turning it over to somebody else? No. In fact, I like when you, I write a character that, you know what, there's a series that I produced and wrote, co-wrote for Hulu coming out later this

year called Modoc and it's all voiceover. It's, it's animated and seeing characters that we wrote and develop and then seeing how people interpreted them with voiceover and took them different ways is fascinating and it's so cool to watch. That's always fun for me. I always love that. Bring something new. Something you did that, that struck me is about five years ago.

I don't know if you remember it, but you did the Twitter thread after Trevor Noah became the Daily Show host and there was the old jokes and stuff. And basically your Twitter thread was you told one joke and then you had 57 tweets after that, explaining the joke and apologizing if anyone was offended in any different way. Do you one, remember it and two, do you still kind of stand by the idea that comedy should be protected and things that are taken out of context from years past can't be judged the same way?

Well, I stand by two things in comedy. I stand by context and I also stand by evolution. Yes, you always have to put things within their context. If you look back at, you know, look, there's, there's moments in the movie Ghostbusters that are very sketchy by today's standards in terms of like, but you have to also keep in mind the context of the time and go, that's how things were back then. Let's not cancel this thing after the fact and then let's embrace the evolution

and the moving on that we've done. Those two things are what makes comedy exciting is that there's the context and you got to keep context no matter what, but you also have to go, Hey, comedy's got to change. Comedy's got to after a while, you got to go, you can't just go, well, that was always funny. Yeah. But it's not anymore. We got to move forward and that's fine. Yeah. Both of those things can exist at the same time.

Otherwise we'd still be doing knock knock jokes. And aren't I mean saying knock knock jokes are offensive, but you could argue like won't knock, knock jokes work back in the 1920s. We just do them that way. No, we just keep moving on and rolling forward. I like that answer because it does seem sometimes that it becomes like a black and white debate of, you know, if someone said something, then they're out or try reading Mark Twain right now. Right. And like you open his book and you're like, yeah, this guy's canceled.

Right. But it's things that were funny 10 years ago. They were, you can't take away that feeling that they were funny 10 years ago. I was, I, it made me very happy a few days ago. Somebody tried to start a Twitter thread canceling Robert Downey, junior for Tropic Thunder for doing the character in Blackface. And someone else pointed out, and it got like 143,000 retweets. Like he's not making fun of black people. He's making fun of white actors who think they can play any role,

which is something that you have been outraged by. And this is a perfect example of what, so you can, so you're just totally canceling this out of context and not seeing that this person is actually on your side. Yeah. You're looking at it in two dimensions and just seeing what's in front of you and saying, okay, that I associate that with being bad, ignoring the whole purpose behind the character. If you show anyone just the first 10 minutes of blazing saddles,

you could then argue, we got to cancel Mel Brooks. This is the most racist. Look at this movie there. And you're like, watch the whole thing and you'll see that it is the most anti. People thought JoJo Rabbit was a pro Nazi film. Yeah. And I'm just like, are you like, yes, this joins other pro Nazi films like Seven Beauties and Europa, and to be or not to be like these are all clearly anti-Nazi movies. But part of it is you have to, it just reminds you of like,

sometimes when you make fun of something and you want to show how something horrible is first you have to embrace it before you can strangle it. So part of that he was showing that part of the evil of Nazism is that it could sweep people up and it was very appealing to people. But in the end, it's horrible. It's like people who watch the film Goodfellas and go, that's how it should be, man. Friends hanging out. It's like you are missing the point of this movie. The point of this movie is it seems really fun at the beginning and they're all

about honor, always keep your mouth shut, never rat on your friends. And all they do is throw each other under the bus and rat on each other. That's the irony of that movie is none of them live by that standard. And so the same people that try to cancel stuff are the same people that watch like Goodfellas or Scarface and go, yeah, that's how it's done. Wolf of Wall Street was about a dude that just did a bunch of drugs and fucked all this hot tail run around, kicks ass. Yeah, but you're like, did you see how those movies ended?

Because they don't they don't come out very well. So I have a one follow up to that. And I completely agree with what you just said. My only question is, have you noticed at all in the creative communities, people maybe not taking as many risks? Because that's my biggest thing is I don't want people who are insanely creative to stop, stop taking risks with comedy, with satire, with all these things in fear of a mob mentality.

When anything new, when any new kind of ism pops up, like looking at things that are problematic, looking at things that are not woke, people will initially take it and they'll take it way too far because it's a new toy and they'll run around with it and they'll shoot someone's eye out with it. And so and it sucks. It sucks when that happens. And then the stuff gets scaled back. I'm not seeing, yes, for a while, I did see comedians taking less risks

because the atmosphere was so supercharged and it was being done so clumsily. But now have you noticed that people are taking even cleverer risks that are getting around all the PC stuff back to JoJo Rabbit. The guy made a comedy where a kid has Hitler as an imaginary friend. Yes. And it was nominated for an Oscar. The show's succession makes you root for the most evil, rapey, racist characters you've ever seen on TV.

If once a new, whenever a new structure comes along, there's always someone that can then come along and find a cool way around it that actually advances things. The strictures that were there in the late fifties, Lenny Bruce came along, found a way around it. The strictures against women in comedy, Joan Rivers came along, found a way around it. The strict, like everyone keeps finding clever ways. There's always the clumsy attempt to tamp everything down.

First in the fifties, it was the conservatives. Oh, I've got to tip everything down. And then clever people find a way over it. Now it's the PC woke people trying to tip everything down. People find clever ways around it. There's always the push and then the push through. So we're just seeing the dawn of the push through. And then in five or 10 years, there'll be another push to tamp things down.

And someone else will find a clever way around it. And that's what keeps comedy, music, movies, TV. That's what keeps it exciting. Right. The trick is to find, to put out the right intent and go out the right target and have the right message. And if you're doing that, then there are ways where I never use the word clever. And I think that sometimes when you see things like PC culture, tamping things down,

a lot of people's reactions is, well, I'm just going to go out there and be the most offensive that I can to get around it. And that's not always that that's not the funny way to get around. That's not the clever way. No, the clever way is finding, you know, some irony or something to some contradiction to poke at and then use that whole point. The whole point of getting into comedy is to always find clever ways around the shishers, whether the shishers be conservative or liberal or leftist or

right wing, whatever it is, your our job is to find the clever way around it. The clever way around it is to not throw a temper tantrum and go, well, I'm just going to say the N word 50 times. Well, anyone can do that. That's not find the way that the person that would normally shish you would go, shit, that was actually good. All right. You know what, you know what I mean, believe me, there were plenty of, um, I

have plenty of conservative, uh, friends who back in the day, we would watch the daily show and go, gosh, this is still pretty good. And I have plenty of very liberal left wing friends that still listen to stuff like some of the stuff that Bill Burr does and they go, oh, shit, that's like, that's a good point though. So, because they find clever ways around it. And so that's what you, but that's what you always have to do is you're not, you're, I'm not in, I'm not in comedy to be liberal or conservative and

comedy to be funny. And if there wasn't, if there wasn't any, there wasn't any hurdles for me to find a way around it, it'd be so boring. I like that there's hurdles that I can figure out a way around them. That makes it more fun. Cause then you're like, oh fuck, we all got a way with it. This is great. So let me ask this.

If you're playing a character that might be pushing some boundaries, a character that's objectively a bad person, like maybe your character from Veep, right? Pretty creepy dude. So you spend your, you spend all day on set being that person, being this creepy guy. Uh, do you have to remind yourself like, Hey, I'm doing this as part of a larger thing where I'm making fun of this creepy guy? Oh yeah. I mean, especially if you look at all the stuff that Albert Brooks,

Ricky Gervais, Martin Moll, even Steve Martin did back in the day, they wanted to play the people that they couldn't stand to show you how awful they were. And someone like Teddy Sykes, who there are, unfortunately there's people like that in the world, as we now know, as well as we now know, we always knew it. But now it's all out in the open. It's good to, it's good to play that character and show you how pathetic and kind of secretly afraid he actually is. And that's what he's overcompensating for.

You know, you, I don't, I, it's no fun playing the person who's pointing out that things are wrong and stupid. I'd rather play what is wrong and stupid and show you how dumb it is. Yeah. Fun of it that way. Like, like Fred Willard, Fred Willard is the king of playing the most loathsome characters that you just love because you can see how much funny he's having ripping, ripping them apart.

So I've never seen Star Wars, but I'm also not one of those people who hang on. Let me finish the question. Hold on. I'm not one of those people who looks down on Star Wars. I just, it just never was for me, but I know how popular it is. And I know a lot of people who listen to this show like it. So can you talk about Star Wars? That's my Star Wars question.

You know, it's kind of interesting. I mean, you never having seen Star Wars, it might, it would be fascinating for you now, just to sit and watch it only to see the origins of so many things that are just throw away phrases in our culture. Yeah. Like it's like when I go back and watch like, um, uh, um, if I go back and listen to like really, really early post punk and garage rock and you see the origins of, oh, wait a minute, that Nirvana song, that's where they got that

guitar riff or this thing. That's when they got like, you see the origins of something that at the time must have seemed so startling. And now it's just everywhere that, that would actually be a really cool. Experience for you to either do a podcast on or do a live thing on a guy watching Star Wars for the first time and going, is that where that comes from? Wait a minute. Oh, like to see that happen for the first time.

I bet that would be fascinating. Yeah. Like I've been using that phrase my whole life. And I didn't even know it came from that movie. I never saw having seen, because interestingly enough, I showed my daughter Star Wars and choose six, a bunch of us. We found a print of Star Wars from 1977 before all the tinkering and actual print. It didn't even say episode four.

It just said Star Wars. Remember they re-release it and made it episode four. It wasn't originally episode four and we showed it to all of our kids and half the kids went crazy and half the kids, including my daughter, were like, it's fine. I don't know. It's okay. It's kind of boring.

They just talk a lot. I, you know, like, because she had seen so many other awesome things since then. Yeah. It didn't land on her the way that it should. Just like what my dad took me to see Star Wars. He was like, I thought Flash Gordon was amazing in my day. And he tried to show me one of those old Flash Gordons. And I was like, this is terrible.

You're like, I couldn't believe how bad it was. Although I could also appreciate, oh, that's where they got that. That's where, oh, okay. They just, he repurposed it. Do you like the direction of the franchise? I think they've kind of sold out. I think the franchise, like any franchises is, it's whoever last has it. So, for instance, I thought that Empire is one of the best sequels ever made

because they took what was Star Wars and made it even better. And then return of the Jedi kind of lost it a little bit. And then the prequels, let's not talk about those. You're done. You're done talking about them either. I'll pretend you got a song. You got to see Jar Jar. You should actually start.

And then you should start with episode one and watch them in the order that they were meant to be released. Well, I'll tell you something actually interesting to do in a second. But and then I thought Force Awakens was like, OK, I guess we're sort of resetting it. It was almost like, sorry about the prequels, guys. And then last Jedi was kind of interesting. Like he let's do some new stuff and all the nerds went now. And then they went back to, all right, let's just give these guys what they want.

Baby Yoda is baby baby Yoda is the Mandalorian is amazing. Yeah, it's the Star Wars fan base, the hardest fan base to please. It's up there. It would be I think it's up there with the Simpsons fan base. Yep. And maybe the Yankees, they don't have a series. They're like, what the fuck? Wait a minute.

Yeah, in in the sports world, what is the equivalent sports fan base of a Star Wars fan base? Eagles Cowboys. I mean, we have Eagles friends, fans that are like, I saw one of them after the draft was like, this franchise will never win anything. It's like, dude, you won the Super Bowl three years ago. What are you talking about? It's it's definitely the Cowboys because they they actually called Jerry's World Death Star. Yeah, it's owned by like Jerry is Darth Vader.

He if you take the mask off, he looks exactly like him. They were really popular back in like the 70s and 80s. I remember. And then they had like a small they had a resurgence in the 90s. And then they haven't really done shit since then. My God, it is Star Wars. Yeah. And they've got the star on the album.

Yeah, they have fans who are fans who love them, but no matter what the team does, they hate it. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, there's no pleasing them. Oh, it's interesting that you mentioned the Simpsons. It's out of it that way. I feel like the Simpsons would be one where if everybody out there watched the Simpsons, they would realize that there are so many people that are less funny than they thought they were. There's so many people who are just really good at using Simpsons quotes at the right time.

Yes, I absolutely agree. Well, that's like if someone who has never seen the movie, Caddy Shaq or the big Lebowski and seeing it for the first time and go, is that where half of these phrases come from? Oh, my God. Like literally, it's part of our language now. It's ridiculous, the amount of stuff you should seriously do. That'd be a really cool limited side project for you.

Watch Star Wars and then have you just go, oh, that's where the matrix took that from. That's where that's open. Yeah, like I might do it. I might do it. Is there is there anything that you've written that has become one of those phrases that that's entered into the public lexicon? Maybe a lot of people don't know where it came from. It's see.

I mean, I keep seeing people say the phrase. Well, the two of them that I that I said that I keep seeing pop up as memes is failure pile in the sadness bowl. Is what's how I described the the Kentucky Fried Chicken famous bowl where they just Kentucky Fried Chicken gave up and go, let's just put our menu in a bowl and covered it in cheese and gravy. And it became the most popular thing they've ever done. Yeah, no offense.

They created an entry that is how you eat when you're suicidal. And America said, yes, finally, that's what I want. No offense. That was a bad take on your part. I love the famous bull. It's it's so convenient. It solves all the problems. Thank you. It's convenient. It's one bowl.

I don't have to deal with all this shit. Just put it all together. It all ends up in the same place. Anyways, were you ever Colonel Sanders? No, you know, I feel like you should have been. There's been like 40 of them. I know. And they they like sent me up after I did that bit that kind of went viral. They sent me two bobbleheads, one of Colonel Sanders and one of me,

which I'm like, this is some weird kind of Sicilian message. Or I don't know what this is. And then the other the other line of mine is science. We're all about coulda, not shoulda. And that was about the 65 year old woman getting birth twins. Yeah, I feel like I'll wait a minute. Hang on. Going back to just the Godfather thing. I just thought of something.

So you guys have obviously seen the first Godfather. Yes. That's there's a there's a really interesting movie. It's not a great movie, but it's still good called You've Got Mail with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. And there's a whole subplot about he keeps using phrases from the movie, The Godfather, which is another movie where half of the dialogue is just part of our slang now. Yeah. And she's like, why do you what do you mean go to the mattresses?

And he goes, what it means is how hard are you willing to commit to winning this battle? Are you going to go to the mattresses? So for you, you know, and you realize he goes, that movie is a way for men to articulate how they have to live in the world. Yes. You know what I mean? And there's so many lines in there kind of reminds me of what you might be going through with Star Wars, where you're going to be here. Oh, you're going to be pretty Meg Ryan going win it.

So that's what the these aren't the. I mean, literally, these aren't the droids you're looking for is now like part of a, you know, a phrase, basically. Yeah. It's slang for like, don't ignore what you literally, what is literally in front of you. I'm not. There is no try. Yeah. I'm more of a Godfather three guy, but I'd like to pretend that movie never existed. I never see that movie.

Godfather three is the prequels of the Godfather films in terms of people going, let's just pretend that this has ever happened. Yeah. MST 3K Mystery Science Theater 3000. That seems like another franchise with a fan base that would be impossible to please. Weirdly enough, there that fan base is one of the sweetest fan bases because the personality of the show. It's Joe Hodson, who was such a just a genuinely nice guy and he all of his comedy. It's never mean spirited.

It's all about we're in a horrible situation. We're trapped on a satellite cut off from Earth. They're making us watch bad movies. How do we make the best of this awful situation with my friends? So it's all about making do with what you have. So it's like it's almost like the corporate culture of MST 3K is don't complain if it doesn't work for you. Make it better. Right?

You know what I mean? Whereas I think the corporate culture of some of these other fandoms is I am owed everything. You know, it's like we it's the line from The Simpsons when the combo guys like it's the worst episode ever. And I feel like they owe me an apology. It's like they've given you years of entertainment for free. Just goes worst episode ever. Like you just want to be angry. You know, we we.

Yeah, I feel like if anyone who's in any creative capacity gets that at some point where they're like give us more of what we want. And it's like, but I have given you that for many, many years and then we do one thing like fuck you. I'm sure you've experienced this is because I have my friends who are podcasters. If you drop an episode an hour late, the comments are with the book, dude, what's going like, dude, it's an hour late. We just wanted to tweak it for you. So it would be good. Yeah, we from the very start, we very smartly had Hank put the episodes out and he would fall asleep. So they knew from like day one, if it's late coming out, Hank passed out for four hours.

That's good. Yeah, we've avoided that. I have one last question. So your stand up special. I love everything May 19th Netflix. What is like the overarching theme? What should we give us the elevator pitch? Why we got to watch it?

We're going to watch it anyway. Just, you know, because you're a very funny guy. You're watching a guy embracing 50 and being annoyed with the fact that he actually understands too much. And it's hard to truly hate anything anymore because, you know, even when someone's being a dick, you maybe know why they're being a dick. You're like, oh, I just hope to have hatred and more hatred for the young. I miss it. I like that. Yeah, I like that a lot.

I really like that because there is something about we deal every now and then with like remembering that when you're in your 20s and that feeling like you know everything, but you actually know nothing. Oh, my God. You want to get a perfect example of this. And I'm sure you've experienced this as sports fans that you get older and you understand what athletes go through. So stuff that you got angry at when you're young, you're like, look at this sell out. Then you get older, you go good for him making some money. I know how horribly they're treating him.

Yes. When I was a young music fan, whenever a band would like a loan their song to a product or a commercial, I'm like, this fucking bullshit. He sell out. Then I began to be friends with a lot of musicians and I saw how horrible their record contracts were, their residuals were. And then when I heard, whenever I hear a song in a commercial, I'm like, good for them. Good. Their kids teeth are straight and they can retire when they're 60. Good for them.

It is so happy. I agree with you. But at the same time, it is weird sometimes hearing like a Lou Reed song in a car. But it's also the way that a lot of people like Bob Dylan selling volvos. Yeah, I bet you there's a bunch of people who found out like, oh my God, that song was pretty cool. Let me go check this out. Exactly. When I found out that Smash Mouth wrote the song, I'll start to try to sell the movie.

They wrote it specifically to sell the Nike and that feels like, yeah, we're good. And then they sold the Gatorade. I'm like, good for them. Oh, what was the other one? Wait, I had no idea. You just blew my mind. Yeah. All Star was not written about just like somebody telling somebody else that the world is going to roll them.

What was their other song that was the movie? What was that movie that they did? Mystery Men. Yeah, Mystery Men. It came out. Yeah. Was that All Star? Yeah.

And they also put it because the movie was like, can we use your song? And they're like, absolutely. Make that money. I like that. Before we let you go, I have one question to wrap things up. I was a big fan of your performance in Big Fan. So thank you. You have obviously spent some time listening to Sports Talk Radio.

Did you did you write all that stuff yourself where you where you're calling into the show every single night? Because we have some people that call into our radio shows here that I think they write their script out. And I know exactly what I'm going to say. I didn't write it. The guy who wrote that movie is the same guy who wrote the wrestler and he was obsessed with. He would listen to these calling programs and he could tell the calls where the guy is clearly like reading a manifesto, which I'm sure you guys have experienced. And he wrote it. He would write it out, but he made sure he goes, I don't want you to memorize this dialogue.

I will give you this stuff written out right before we shoot the scene. I want it to feel like you're reading it and it's not quite conversational. Right. I want that feel because you guys must have you guys must have taken calls where you're like, you're about to interject. You're like, Oh, no, wait. He's reading a paragraph. I got to let him finish. Yeah, he's not going to take a breath.

Yeah. If I interject, he'll start again. He'll go back to the beginning and I, you know, we can't do this right now. Yes. I also like the end scene where you shot Michael Rappaport. That was cool too. Here's it. You'll like this.

That scene we shot in a bar on Staten Island and super low budget movie. They for all the extras they put an ad on Craigslist come be an extra to movie. So we all got there that morning. We're all they're setting up the shot and everything. And all the extra show up to put people in their places. And then a guy, one of the extras act like 20 minutes goes by and one of the extras gets a call. And he's like, Oh God, I, I have a, um, I have an emergency. I have to leave.

I just going to mess up your movie. Like, you know, there's like 50 people here. He goes, I'm so sorry. I have like this thing at home. And he was like really freaking out. They're like, dude, it's okay. You can go. Don't worry about it.

We're not paying you. You can leave many leaves and another 10 minutes goes by and people are like, Where's my laptop for the, uh, oh, that's awesome. He had come in, cased the place with his backpack, grabbed whatever he could off the tables and then had his friend call him and go, Oh, I got to go. I respect the move. Yeah. What a smart, smart move.

Yeah. That is a smart move. Yeah. Smart move. There you go. All right. Patton Oswalt has been awesome. Thank you so much.

Everyone go watch the new standup special. I love everything. May 19th on Netflix. Yes, dude, do the limited series of you watching Star Wars. That would be fascinating. You have to come on. Yeah, you have to come on. I totally do.

If you do it, I'll totally do it. I want to see how you react to it. That'd be amazing. I love it. I will absolutely think about doing it. Do at least one episode. He'll do one. I'll make him do a single episode.

I'm going to think about it. All right. All right. Thanks so much. See you. All right guys. Bye. Before we get to this ad quick reminder for Friday's show, we're going to be

watching another documentary. This one is going to be Ronnie Coleman, the King. It's about weightlifting. It's about bodybuilding. It's an awesome documentary. It's very, very funny. You can watch it on YouTube, Google Play, Amazon. Check it out.

Ronnie Coleman, the King. We're going to talk about it on Friday. That interview, the patent was brought to you by Roman. If you've been dealing with acne, redness, dark spots, or wrinkles, finding treatment that works can be complicated. You need skincare that actually performs, but getting started can be overwhelming. Thankfully, there is a solution. Roman makes it convenient to get customized prescription skincare that really performs.

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And now, Dungeons and Dragons. Okay, we now welcome on a very good friend of ours. It is Tim Woods, who taught us how to play Dungeons and Dragons about two years ago. We ran the episode on Barstool Gold. We recently re-air it. People loved it. So our idea is, we are going to start a longer campaign on part of my take. Every two weeks, we will run 30 minutes of our campaign.

And we're going to see where it goes. And Tim is going to, what's the official title, Dungeons and Dragons Master? I am a Dungeon Master, although Game Master is like, I run all different kinds of games. But when I'm running Dungeons and Dragons, I'm a Dungeon Master. I like Dungeon Master. That sounds nice. Got a ring to it, yes. So, before we start, let's do a quick refresh for everyone who might be listening for the first time with the Dungeons and Dragons.

Explain to us, or explain to our audience, what is Dungeons and Dragons, what exactly you do, and what we are about to embark on. Absolutely, for sure. So Dungeons and Dragons is one of my favorite games of all time. It is a type of tabletop role-playing game where basically we're all going to take on the roles of different characters who are in theory going to team up and go on an adventure together. Whereas you'll all be playing different characters and making choices about what they do and what abilities they use and powers. I will be telling the story, talking about what your characters see, what they're fighting, and I'll be controlling a lot of the monsters. But also the good people in the world of Dungeons and Dragons and leading you on your adventure, as it were. I am a professional.

So you're a god, basically. You take on the role of a god in this game. It can be a benevolent god, or you can be as evil as you want to be. Absolutely. Can you walk us? I'd even go as far as to say I'm in the over god. I decide what the gods of Dungeons and Dragons do, so I'm even a step above them. I want to just note something that you said there that I wanted to take this time to apologize to everyone here,

because you said we were going to work together last time. In theory. Last time we had an issue because we were running out of time and I realized that I could kill everyone. So I wanted to take this time and apologize to... I was a barbarian. I want to apologize to PFT, who was a bard, and to Hank, who was a warlock. I killed them both. I would like to say truce, and let's see where this goes, where we work together.

In the time, last time... Oh, okay, yeah, truce. Truce. The thing about words is, if you don't mean them, they just all stop meaning anything at all. Last time we were trying to end the game, this time we're going as far as we can. Listen, a bard has a good memory. He forgives. You didn't even know you were a bard.

He forgives, but he does not forget. Until I told you you were a bard. No, but I have a real quick question, because I don't know how much we got into the backstory about Dungeons and Dragons last time. When was Dungeons and Dragons invented, and do we know who started it? Yes, actually, we do know. And that's part of what I wrote about is it was started in the 1970s, which, interesting, is right when computers were getting invented and choose your own adventure books and stuff like that.

People were all getting into this kind of procedural systems for games and a guy named Gary Gygax, as well as many of his friends, including a guy named Dave Arneson, who all kind of worked together to create this game. And he kind of like went out and crowdsourced all the rules that like, what do you think should happen in this game? And a lot of it was just kind of like people getting together and creating this simulation in their mind and just anchoring rules to it. And the initial rules were like real weird and not that great and complicated.

And over the years, they've gotten a lot better in some ways more realistic, but more than anything, a lot more fun. Gary Gygax, Gary Gygax. You really only have one job if you're Gary Gygax. That's to create Dungeons and Dragons. It was what he was put on this earth to do without a doubt, I believe. He's the Dungeon Master Master himself. Is there a goat, Dungeons and Dragons player who's the best of all time?

So it depends on, you know, who you ask. There are many kind of celebrity players out there and stuff and a very popular Dungeon Master, a very popular game master is Matt Mercer right now. Their series critical role got picked up by Amazon and they're pretty, they're doing pretty well right now. It's a very popular show at the moment. They kickstarted it for like $11 million and then got picked up by Amazon. You got picked up by part of my take.

So you're in there. I'm doing great right now. One last question before we jump in. Can we do like a cross campaign like inside of our campaign? Can we go kill Mike Mercer? I mean, so in theory, I could always like insert like characters from Matt Mercer's games, like into here or something. It's all like in theory can be one big world if you want.

And I do sometimes have like characters from one of my games kind of show up under my control in like other games and stuff. So it can be fun to do crossover stuff. Yeah, we beat Mike Mercer than where the goat. Yeah, so the, what's the longest or what's the average time that a game takes? I'll say this. Usually when I run games for customers, I'm running a three hour session typically. So we kind of be doing an abbreviated version, but we can definitely sink our teeth

into the action just as we did last time. Well, we'll get to three hours. It just is going to take multiple times. So we'll stop and pick up. Okay. So what's the first thing we have four players? Billy football is also here. He's in the middle of us.

You didn't meet him last time. What is this? How do we start in theory? I would start by first of all, just highlighting who your characters are. And I know we didn't do this last time, but in theory, you can come up with a name for your character and decide as much backstory for them as you want. New players. I never worry too much about that because we're going to be learning who these

characters are together, but I'll say generally you would pick your character. And what we could do is we had some great character selections last time. We had a barbarian, a bard in a warlock. That's a great group. We can pick those same characters again if we want, or we could pick different characters like a different fighty type, a different spellcaster. We didn't, we don't have, well, the bard is kind of a sneaky, still, but a skill based character.

So we have a lot of the best characters we could get was anyone and I'll say, I always say there's four different categories, the fighty types, the spell casters, the healers and the sneaky skill based characters. Was anyone interested in hearing about them or did they just want to grab their own character? I personally feel like we should run back our characters and add Billy to our crew. Yeah.

So I, so, all right. So I'd be, I'm a barbarian, I'm a bard and tank is a warlock. So then Billy. Is that like Gimli from Game of Thrones? Is that Warlocks? I mean, Lord of the Rings. Lord of the Rings. Absolutely.

So Gimli, the dwarf would kind of be like a barbarian or maybe a fighter, a big, big bruiser. However, there is a classic archetype of the dwarven cleric, the dwarf who follows the God of Moradin. That could be me. That kind of dwarf is more of a healer, let's say. Okay. Gimli would have.

Can my bard also be a dwarf? You or Bard can be any race you want it to be. If you want to be a dwarf, absolutely you can be. Okay. So making a little note of that. So what is the fourth category? Yeah. Make it, make sure you really write it down.

Very short. Five, five, six. Yeah. Super short. So what is the fourth category that we don't have now? So we have a barbarian, a bard in a whiz in a warlock. What's the fourth category we don't have in theory? The healer types would be the ones that you don't have yet.

So I mentioned the cleric and that would be the fourth kind of perfect niche that you'd be filling right now. So the warlocks kind of your spellcaster, the cleric is your healer. The barbarian is your big fighty type and the bard would be kind of the more skill base, the talkative, the face. Also, the barbarian is like 20 pounds overweight. Can you write that down? Nah, I've lost a little bit of weight.

Just write that part down. So the barbarian shaved too early and his face looks like this. That's true. So, all right. So the, the, Billy's going to be a cleric. Absolutely. A dwarven cleric, I assume, or you can be a healer. No, he's going to be a giant cleric.

Can he be a giant cleric? Yeah. Um, there is a race called Goliaths who are like half giants. They're not quite full giants. They're playable, but you, you can be a big tough. And you grow rock out of your like head. Like your arms are clipped with rocks. He's basically Rick's permits.

This is perfect. And he's cruel tattoos. Okay. So that's interesting to me because if you're a Goliath cleric, then actually you worship the Goliath gods and I'll admit, I don't know a thing about them. So we get to get pretty creative about that. So what, so we have our, our roles. What's our next step?

Absolutely. So all the stuff about our characters all be kind of letting us know as we go, what our powers are, what spells we might have available. We have a lot of different abilities and on our terms, we can kind of go over those, but we could just be diving right into the action now at this point. Of course we can, if your characters have any names or anything, any back story details, you're more than welcome to think about that, but I will let us know where our story would be beginning.

Do you guys want to give each other names? I would like to be called Erlich the Warlock. Erlich the Warlock. That's pretty good. Erlich the Warlock. I love that. Are you a human Erlich or, or an elf or a door for a gnome? Anything like that?

A Goliath? I think a no more lock. No more lock. I love that idea. That's fun. No more lock. Erlich my balls. Excellent.

What do you want to be Billy? I'm Berserker Billy. Berserker Billy the Cleric. The Goliath Cleric. Berserker Billy, I love that. You must surely follow like a war god or something with a name like that. So that's right. I love that.

Warrior's Fair Magic. I believe I'll be Wayne. Wayne. Wayne the Bard. Okay. That's Wayne the Dwarven Bard. Yes. I think I should go with just a regular.

I think I'm just going to be Bob the Barbarian. Bob the Barbarian is such a classic. I love that. Just a human Barbarian, Bob? Yep. Well, what's the other one? What else could I be? In theory, I mean elves don't make great Barbarians.

Humans are pretty good and dwarves are pretty good. I'll be a human, Bob the Human Barbarian. You always got to have one human in the group just being like the Normie dude. That's cool. I'm a Norm. Excellent. You are a Norm. Norm the Barbarian.

Actually, I should be Norm the Barbarian. Yeah, I'll be Norm the Barbarian. Norm the Barbarian. I do like that. Let me make a little note of that. Norm Chad. Norm the Barbarian. Not Norm Chad.

Absolutely. So I'm going to ring the bell. Game on. Game on. And all of our characters, including Norm the Human Barbarian, Wayne the Dwarven Bard, Erlich the No More Lock, and Berserker Billy, our Goliath Cleric. All of us have one thing in common. Whether we've met before or whether we're just getting to know each other,

we're currently working as caravan guards right now. And as level one characters, caravan guard is a pretty classic job for you to get. You know, there's not much. You can't go in and fight a dragon at this level right now. So you're kind of making a little bit of money watching out for bandits and goblins as this caravan full of like 10 wagons has been traveling along this beautiful trail through a land that is called Eltergaard. Eltergaard is a land of rolling hills and it is near a beautiful metropolitan city

along the Sword Coast called Baldur's Gate. And we on this caravan in theory are bound for Baldur's Gate and we're about to stop tonight in a village called Greenist. And what's nice about village like Greenist is it's a tiny little place. Nothing bad is ever going to happen. Oh, Greenist. That's probably right. Probably.

I know what you're doing, Tim. No trouble. It's a teeny tiny little village without anything noteworthy. We'll sell some cabbages, get some money and then continue on to Baldur's Gate X. Old takes exposed, Tim, right now. I'm nervous. At the moment, you're noticing as you guard this caravan and are just moseying along on some wagons that the scout for this caravan, the guy who rides out ahead,

is coming riding back and he's riding hard right now. He is riding with urgency quicker than you've ever seen him ride before. And he rides right into the caravan master. He's kind of like the caravan master is like our boss and the scout rides up to him and we see him hop off his horse and he starts talking to the caravan master and the caravan master is like, ooh, and we see the caravan master rush over to us and he says, okay, the scout just told me Greenist, the village is on fire right now. There's smoke rising from the village.

I don't know. He said it looked like multiple fires and he said he thought he heard and he looks at the scout and then looks back at you, a roar. Sounds like they're smoking each other out and getting live with it. Okay, okay. Hot box in the village. It's called Greenist, yeah. I'll trade him some cabbage.

Okay. And so it does sound like the caravan master and the scout are turning to us and are saying, well, what do you think we should do? Do you want to scout ahead of the caravan? Should we stop here? Should we, what do you think? And we've got some options. We could talk to the caravan master, but he doesn't seem to know too much.

We could talk to the scout. He also seems like he only got a little glimpse or we could just start heading to Greenist. We could do whatever we like. Let's push, push Greenist. Yeah, I think we got to just say, fuck it, we're about that action. Yeah, let's push. You're just rushing in and we're like the A team for this caravan.

They have some guards, but we're the ones who, if the bandits were to show up, we'd be the problem solvers. We're the elite force here compared to some of these other like level zero mooks running around. Oh, yes. As you get closer to the village, you can tell that the scout was right. There is smoke rising and we're seeing small groups of villagers who look like they're fleeing the village out into the woods around here. What we like to do at this point, you could get closer,

but you know that once we get on top of the next hill, you're going to be like seeing the village below. You'll be pretty close to the village. It's going to load out and get the high ground. You could roll to try to look at what you can see from far away or you could like grab some of these peasants and roll to see if you can stop them and like get them to tell you what's going on. I think we take some hostages.

Yeah, let's get some peasants. Absolutely. You see nearby you what looks like a small family fleeing up over a hill from behind a tree and it looks like a dad in the lead swinging like a lantern. Like he's trying to use that as a weapon like everybody get away and there's two kids running after him and then the mom is in the back and she's got a shield and a spear out. She's obviously part of the militia here and she had weapons to grab

and she's guarding the kids from behind. It looks like she's worried there are enemies approaching her. It seems do you want to try to yield but they seem pretty far away. Do you want to roll persuasion to try to like see if you can flag them down or in theory the Bard would be very good at persuasion. You'd have a plus five on this. Whereas if we're trying to intimidate them and yell at them like tell us what's going on. That would be the barbarians for I don't think that we want to intimidate these people.

We want to because you get your friend. No, we want to befriend them and then we want to get to their village. Can we can we make a note that I would like to speak to the children. Children can't lie. Okay. Okay. You can absolutely would you be so I heard a norm. You're looking to talk to the children but I'll warn you your persuasion bonus.

No, no, it's it. Bard can go Bard can. Absolutely. Good call. He wants to roll. I'm the same size as them. So they'll trust me more. Okay.

Here we go. That absolutely as a dwarf. Yeah. You can start rushing in their direction. Roll a d 20 the big die and then add a plus five to your role. Okay. Here we go. They do better.

Here we go. He's rolling rolling now. The die has been cast. It's only seven. So it's a 12 set with a 12. They're only going to answer one question right now. And then they're just gonna they're like, we don't have time. We got to keep going.

What do you want to ask them? Hmm. I think you got to ask like who's the broader image. Who's in the village? Yeah. Who is in the village? Who's in the village? The dad looks at you and he just goes like he has no time to answer.

But the two kids the boy and the girl. They look at each other and they the boys clearly smiling at you. He loves to meet a dwarf. He probably hasn't met a dwarf before and then he blurts out red robes guys in red robes and the little ones little little monsters and their friends who have red robes. I don't know. They're taking everything. They're taking everything in the village and setting it on fire.

And then his sister like grab just like shut up. We got to go. Okay. So what do we do now? Push. I think we got to go full send in this village. I want to hear what Tim has to say. What does red robes mean?

Do we know? Oh, good question. So if you're wondering what red robes might mean, you can roll a history check. And I would say everybody could roll this history check. And if anybody, yeah, everybody roll a d20 to see if you know what red robes might what are we looking for here? And in theory, the warlock has a plus four. If you get a 15 or higher, let me know.

Okay. Warlocks really the only one would have a big 12 bill again eight. I got 18. I got 19. The warlock got a 19 19 with a plus four equals. And you have a plus three three. So I'm going to say anybody who got a 15 or higher. It sounds like a norm.

You know this red robes. It sounds like a cult to you. There are many evil cults in the world of Dungeon and Dragons. Some of them worship evil elder gods. Some of them worship demons. You don't know who this group is exactly. But red robes on deathly sounds like a cult to you. It sounds like they have lesser minions with them.

However, with a 23 on that role, the warlock who is probably himself kind of a cultist knows a lot about cults and red robes in particular. You can you can even like confirm with the kids. Wait, was there also gold on their robes and the kids are like, yeah. And you confirm that means red and gold means the cult of the dragon. The cult of the dragon is a group who worship dragons, evil dragons. Like they are God's and they serve dragons as like lesser minions. Kind of like them dragons.

Yeah, okay. We're going to work now. Are they dragons or wyverns? Because I've been told that there's a difference. There is a big difference, especially in D&D. While wyverns are beasts that are like dragons, true dragons in D&D. We all would know have a couple of things going for them. They can talk.

They are highly intelligent and they usually have a lot of magic at their disposal. But wyverns compared to dragons are like chickens compared to a hawk. It is a very different situation, a different, very different threat level. OK, so so all right. So just to recap, guys, we know it's a cult. We know it's a cult for dragons. It sounds awesome. What is our option now for our next move?

You are currently still talking to the kids, but they don't seem to want to talk anymore. We could keep rolling checks on them if we want to pump them for more info. But otherwise, it would be no check to just run further into the village. It would be a check to scout the village carefully from further away. Can we waterboard them? Leave an excuse to enhance interrogate the kids. Hold them upside down. All right.

I think we should scout. I think we should scout the village. Absolutely. What do you guys say? You guys cool with that? We scout it. Good. You want it?

You want to go all the way in? Yeah. But where do you go? Berserker Billy. Let's go. Let's go all the way in. I remember I said scout. And I mean, you could always like start doing perception checks when you're

where you're seeing the village more clearly. This isn't as you. There's a classic situation where like the big guy has short friends. He's like, yeah, let's go fight these guys. He's going to have to fight a me. I don't want to do that. I want to hang out and like sing a song. It's the short guy at the bar who gets in a fight.

He's got a big friend, Billy. Go heal at the tavern because someone there probably is not worried about any of it. Oh, is there a tavern in the town? Good point, Billy. There is almost definitely a tavern in a town. Let's go bar hop. Can we go to the tavern? Boys are back.

Healing. Absolutely. As you get to the top of the hill that's going to allow you to see into the village now, you crest this hill and sure enough, you can see the tavern. But it's on fire right now. Someone burned the tavern down. And you can see red robed figures laughing and marching around in groups around this town, setting buildings on fire.

And you also see red robed figures running out of buildings, carrying chests and like wardrobes and other random knickknacks. They're like stealing looters. Guys, I'll be honest with you. It sounds like the red robes are absolutely dominating this fight. Yeah. So we want to be on the side right side of history, right? Well, yeah.

So what's our option now that we've seen everything's on fire? They're fucking shit up. What do we do? You see many groups of red robes, but they all look pretty distant to you. You're also noticing a castle up on a hill and lots of the villagers fleeing the red robes seem to be either running to the castle or out into the outskirts and woods of the village. So you could roll perception to look around, see if there's anything else you haven't

seen yet. You could start proceeding further into the village, but then you don't know when you'll run into enemies. Exactly. There's the risk of that. You could do whatever you want at this point. You're seeing a lot of people running around in this village fighting. And yeah, the red robes are winning for sure.

Could we send the caravan that we came with? Could we like put them on the front lines and send them into the village to fight? In theory, you could go back to them and tell them, you know, convince them, hey, either it's good or whether it's good or not, you got to go ahead ahead of us. You're more than welcome to, but I'll tell you this. You don't think that caravan is going to last very long. Okay. So let's leave the caravan.

Can we get a UAV? What? I think Hank's talking about. He's talking call of duty. All right. I say now this is a team decision, but I say we can't let these fucking red robe dwarves fuck shit up for too long. Let's go save this village because then it's ours.

But their cult sounds awesome. Let's save this village. Okay. Let's go in and we could join the cult and then save the village from within. I kind of like what we do that. Do I feel fire? How about this? How about we go to the red robes and we say we want to join your cult and then

when they start like recruiting us, we kill all of them sneaky. Can we do that? Absolutely. You could I would say that if you start heading into the village, you're looking around for groups of red robes, but before you see them, you're passing by what seems like a barn and you're hearing noise from inside of it. It doesn't sound like red robes though. It sounds like yapping tiny voices that are like inside this barn.

Now I'm going to say up ahead you do notice two red robes setting a cottage on fire. So you hear this and then you see that. What would you be interested in? I think we've got to talk to the yapers or it could just be like someone's wife nagging. They might know something. It's greeny. Yeah, let's talk to them. You open up the barn.

Is that right with the yapping voices? Yeah. Take out the trash. What you see is these creatures that you all know the name of as soon as you spot them. These are creatures called kobolds and they are notoriously weak little monsters in D&D. They each look like a little tiny lizard person with kind of a long lizard face and they each have little daggers in their hand. But what they appear to be trying to do is gather up a bag of potatoes and carry it over

their head. But it requires two of these little bitty kobolds to carry a single bag of potatoes and there's several bags in here. They're fighting right now. And then they all turn and look at you and there's four of them all frozen right now. What do you do? Okay, I have a question. Now this don't don't say that I'm always wondering about food, but do we need to eat at some point?

Should we just kill these fuckers and eat them with the potatoes? In theory, you always have food to eat, I kind of say, but you know, kobold is a rare delicacy. Oh, let's eat them. Let's grill out. Let's grill out. Kobold and fries. Let's do it. Can we send our berserker in there and just start having a fucking whale on these little guys?

Hammer time. Hammer time. Absolutely. I'm going to say berserker. Now, when you say berserker, do you mean berserker Billy or Norm the Barbarian? Well, we have Norm just step on him. Yeah, whatever's going to get us the food fastest. I love it.

I would say sending the Barbarian in first is definitely the way to get the fastest. So Barbarian, if you rush in, you can make an attack against one of these kobolds. Go ahead and roll a d20 and add plus five. What do I need to roll here? What am I looking for? You don't know exactly what you need because the armor of some creatures is very high. You don't think kobolds have very high armor though. So you probably don't eat higher than like maybe 30.

Okay, here we go. A 10 plus five. Plus five and with a 15, that is a solid hit against one of the kobolds. Now, do you see, and I'm actually going to give you a choice. Would you be wielding a big axe or a big sword? Do you think up to you sword? Sword. If it's a sword, grab two of the d6's, the cube dice and you're going to roll them.

We don't have no worries. I can roll it for you right now. Would you like me to roll for you? Sure. Absolutely. The damage that you're going to be getting, let's see, is going to be, you get to add plus three to this. You got seven on the dice.

You rolled 2d6 and got seven, perfectly average. And then you add plus three to it, 10. Because you dealt so much damage, I'm going to say this, there was two kobolds holding up a sack of potatoes. You just sliced through both of them at the same time. No shots, no shots. You killed them both in one go and I'm going to say that's because you dealt exactly enough damage to kill two kobolds.

Do you think they each had five HP to swing your sword and cleave them in two? The other two kobolds who are lifting the other sack just start panicking and kind of waving their daggers at you. They're definitely going to either attack or run. But next up would be Wayne, the dwarf bard, Wayne, you just saw the barbarian rush in. What would you do? The kobolds either going to run or attack. You're not sure which.

I'm going to make them fight each other and the winner gets to stay alive. I love that. So you can use persuasion to convince them and the funny thing is if you use intimidate, you can really yell at them, but you only have a plus three on that. So in theory as a bard, you're better at being nice or tricky. I want to set up my own little dog fight between these little kobolds. And then the winner of it gets to be our pet. So you say, hey, Wayne is going to get to be my pet, but only if they kill the other

one. And that's a good persuasion check. I like that. Roll with a plus five. See if you can convince. You don't think this would be that difficult. I got a one. I rolled a one.

Oh, you rolled a one. I rolled a one. Yeah. The two of them turn to look at each other and they start to yapp in their own language at each other. And I know warlock. The warlock would know this language. They are speaking in draconic to each other.

They speak the language of dragons. We are learning. And so it does seem like they speak the dragon tongue and the warlock knows what this is. Wait. Should we just capture them then and keep them? Because if we're going to have to deal with dragons in the cult, we have a translator. We have a translator.

Can we do that? Even though we've killed their buddies and we're going to eat them in front of them? It would be a persuasion check. Surely. Unfortunately, right now, these two kobolds have just turned to look at each other and in draconic, they said to each other, hey, if we gang up on them, we don't have to fight each other at all. And they go, oh, yeah, that's right.

And then they are leaping to attack the bar. So you can still try to convince them if you want barred, but all you have left is your action. You talk to them so you can use your action to talk to them again or attack them, which would you like to do? I think you got to talk to them. I got to talk to them. I'm going to double down on talking.

I'm going to double down on being a person. We already got enough food. Okay. Here we go. Absolutely. They're heading right for you. They'll attack you if you don't do well on this. Yeah.

Listen. Cooler heads will prevail here. Oh, fuck you. I just wrote a 20 bitch. Yeah. Bitch. Hell yeah. Let's go from famine to feast.

I love it. And you just got a critical hit at 25 total. What are you saying to these cobalt to convince them it's going to work one way or another. You just got a critical hit. What are you telling them? Tell them we got food. Okay. So I'm going to say that.

Don't tell them it's their friends. Yeah. I'm going to say we have food and drink and it's the meat and blood of their body and potatoes. But also I want them to fight each other because I want to keep one of them as a pet eventually. Absolutely. They hear about the food and they don't even ask for details. They just go, ah, food, food.

Yeah. And they do speak the common tongue it seems and they go, food, food, oh, ah, we're hungry. Look. And they pointed the potatoes like they were just here for a snack. We're hungry. Yeah. Yeah. We both help.

We both help. Yeah. Yeah. What do you say? Let's wait. Do we trust them? Well, so the thing is he's pushing back pretty hard on not making these two things fight each other.

You're more than welcome to tell them now you got to fight each other and then you'll have one minion. Okay. How about both? Both of them? Yeah. But then they can communicate. Yeah.

But Tank knows how to. Mm-hmm. Erlich knows how to talk to them. I wonder if they have different sets of skills. Are they are they identical in DNA or is they they seem pretty much like pretty ordinary cobalt. Wait. Same stats.

Okay. Let me ask this question then. Do they know I already killed their two friends and are they mad about it? 100% they're mad. But I will tell you. Oh, we got to kill them. No. I'll tell you with the critical hit, you know this, they're terrified because you killed

their friends and you can tell that they are cowardly and willing to serve anyone who has proven that they are stronger than the cobalt. Okay. I think I would get you. We got to kill one. We got to kill one. I can't let them two of them. Should we just have Berserker Billy take matters into his own hands and kill one of them.

And then the other one can be like I want to name it reek and teach it to be afraid of me. Okay. We got to kill one of them. Absolutely. So in that case, it would be a perfect Berserker Billy. If you want to charge in and swing with your Warhammer, you absolutely may. You would have a plus four on this to kill the last, the one cobalt we don't need, the

extra hammer time, hammer time. All right. Come on, Billy. Don't fuck this up. He is like immediately seeing you rushing in like, no, no, get her, get her, get him, get him. It's a nine. A nine.

And is that before you had the plus four? Yeah. That is before we, we had it. Absolutely. So you got a 13 total. I'm happy to report that is just barely a hit against the cold. Hell yes. Do you, do you happen to see a D eight in front of you?

It's the kind of diamond. No, we only have the 20s. You've only got the 20s. Perfect. Just now that I know, awesome. I'll buy more. Yeah. Absolutely.

I'm going to roll the, the damage dice for us. The D 20 is the most important one. And so you just dealt nine or sorry, seven damage to this cobalt. Push. It is destroyed and the cobalt reek, I guess turns and goes, Hey, good choice. Great choice. Yeah. It gives us a thumbs up.

He didn't like that other cobalt at all. And he loves us now by all accounts. And you think he made the right choice to cobalt scheme together. One cobalt is just a, a very helpful minion. Probably. I think that was a good call. Great. So this, this cobalt throws himself at the feet of the cleric, but also the feet of

the bard and to be fair, the berserkers, the barbarian as well. He's afraid of all of you right now. Okay. So we own them. So now, uh, what, what's our next step? We're going to eat. We're going to fucking eat and be fat, Mary. And then what do we do?

I'll say this. You can load up the cobalt bodies into your bag. It might take a while, like cook them in stuff, but you're, you're due for a good feast once you cook these bodies up. Yeah. Let's salt them and cure them. Take them. Hang on to it for later.

Yeah. Totally. So Tim, this might be a good, do you think there's a good time to stop for this session or should we maybe set up what, let's do a cliffhanger. So maybe. I think a cliffhanger. Yeah. If you were to say interrogate this cobalt, I think we would get a really good cliffhanger

out of interrogating cobalt. Hey, we should, we should find out what's going on in that town. Let's interrogate this cobalt. Yeah. Yeah. If the bard talks to him, or if the barbarian intimidates either one, you'll get advantage because he already is afraid of you and willing to serve you. So advantage is you get to roll two times and take the higher number.

Who would like to take the lead on interviewing this cobalt? You've been talking to these pictures. Yeah. Here we go. 11. You get to roll 11 and then I mean, you roll again and take the higher number. Yeah. 11 was the higher number.

11 was the higher number. So with a plus five added to that, I think you got a 16 then for persuasion. And so with a 16, the cobalt wants to spill all the beans, basically. He's going to answer three questions at least right now. Okay. What questions would that take? At least three. Okay.

I want to know what, what the red robes are doing there, why they're taking over that town. He says, oh, humans, humans. Yeah. Red robes, red robes. So we, we hear to take money. We hear to take goods. We hear to take anything not nailed down is for horde is for the horde.

We must grow the horde. And you can tell he's repeating a motto that he's been taught a mantra. We must grow the horde. The horde must grow. Okay. Always. Should we ask even teeny puny village like this have some money? Should we ask if there are dragons or like where the leader is?

Well, we should, we should ask that, but we also got to get a number check. We got to figure out how many of them there are. Yeah. So how deep is their squad? Yeah. How many, how many people are there? How many, uh, red ropes? He starts to smile evilly and then he realizes he shouldn't do that and he starts to get

very serious. He just says, well, uh, is many 100 human 200 co bold. That is too many forces for us to fight right now. That is a substantial army attacking this village. It's also, you know, this huge overkill for a village like this. They maybe had, um, two dozen militia members at the most and we, they're getting attacked by like 300 combined cultists. Cobolds aren't quite worth the whole cultists, but still a lot of force.

What's up with the co bold being like, like thinking about, he was going to answer the question differently than smiling and being like, uh, I don't trust them. Cause I think it might be, I'll tell you automatically what he was hoping. He was going to be cackling at you like you're all in trouble, but then he realized that would probably get him killed potentially. So he didn't want to tease his new bosses. Yes. I think we should fucking kill him for even thinking about teasing us.

Reek no serve cult. No more. Reek your friend. Now. Okay. All right. So we have one more question. Um, question.

I think we got to ask like, what should we ask him? What we should do? Are you doing? Can we ask the, the co bold guy? Well, I don't, I don't trust him enough. Like we just, maybe we ask him so whatever he says, we can do the opposite. Here's the thing though. Well, that's a good point.

Cause right now he doesn't trust us. We have to psychologically torture him for a long time before he actually like falls in line, like her pet. So, um, what would you do? Yeah. What? Yeah. We should ask him.

That's a good. Yeah. And then we'll do the office. Hey, hey buddy. We really trust you and like you already. Um, uh, reek, reek always do as he told. So reek, reek do what he's supposed to do, uh, uh, when, when high priestess give the orders, um, she tell reek work with all other co bolds, steal all things you can steal and

then gather around the castle for the siege. Yeah. I, uh, I would go to your siege if you were not my friends. That's where they're going to end up rendezvousing. So if we get there first, maybe we can fuck them up. Well, yeah. Are we show up there? We just talked ourselves into believing the, the cobalt guy, by the way, we said we're

going to do the opposite and he just convinced us to do it. Fuck. This guy's a little, he's too tricky for my brain. Now he's going to give you one extra very important clue that he feels like you need. He says that is what I would do if high priestess were my, were my friend. Now you my friend, my friends, uh, like you should probably, if I were you, flee, flee here and never come back. We got to go see the high priestess.

That's what, that's what he wants us to do. He wants us to flee. He wants us to make our decision next time. Yeah. You should flee because through the high priestess through lamb Mondath, not alone with just cultists and cobalts, uh, she bring something much bigger. We got a dragon. We got to go.

We got to go see the dragon. All right. He bring the cyan wrath is what he says. Okay. Would like that shitty car that no one owns. Yes. Okay. And then in the distance, we all fairly clearly from behind the castle here, a mighty roar

echo throughout the castle. Okay. So this is a perfect time to stop. That is thrilling. So we're in this barn to reset. We're in the barn. We've, we've killed three cobalts to eat. We got potatoes.

We got one cobalt to, to be our fucking inside man. We hear a dragon roar. We see the castle next time. We're going to figure out what the hell we want to do. Absolutely. Wow. And as far as psychologically breaking this cobalt, you may have done that already. It wasn't a lot of work, honestly.

He's already like, how can I help you? My Lord and master, he's already like fully like going to shave you and not cut your throat. Okay. I'm, yeah. I'd like to rename him Bob Costas. These are little Bob Costas. All right. Well, Tim, this has been great.

And then we will, you obviously keep notes and right. And so we'll pick up in two weeks. We will just do this again, right where we are. Cliff. Love that. That's fantastic. I think that's a great idea. All right.

Thanks so much, Tim. We appreciate it. Absolutely. Same place, same time. Two weeks. That was great. Thank you so much. Weeks.

Absolutely. I'll make a note down for next Tuesday. Cool. Love you guys. I'll be coming for you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love

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