Pardon My Take - Rams QB's Jared Goff And Blake Bortles, NBA Finals And SCF Live Watch

Episode Date: May 28, 2019

We're back in NYC and the NBA Finals are set. We live watch Stanley Cup Final Game 1 (2:27 - 4:50). Favorite story lines going into Raptors vs Warriors and we're rooting for maximum chaos (4;50 - 15:37). Who's back of the week including Lacrosse and people doing weird stuff on twitter after celebrities die (15:47 - 30:48). Rams QB's Jared Goff and Blake Bortles join the show and we talk about the Super Bowl, what the QB room is like this year, how Blake bought a 160,000 car to try and quit dip, and tons more (30:48 - 64:41). Segments include This League Kawhi's sisters instagram, Dad to Dad Lebron lets Bronny Jr on instagram, Bad Visual Kusnetsov doing coke, Hank Hot in the Streets - tiers, and Monday Reading from a guy who has a ton of sex. You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take, we have our good friends Jared Goff and Blake Bortles, LA Rams. We taped at Jared's house last week. Very fun conversation with them. Blake Bortles, all time story about how he ended up owning a Tesla. We talk NBA Finals. We got Who's Back of the Week. We have Dad to Dad, Bad Visual, and a Monday reading on a Tuesday. A pack show for you to get you back in the groove after Memorial Day weekend. Before we do all that, pardon my take is brought to you by the Cash App. The number one finance app in the App Store Cash App is the most powerful way to send, spend and save. It's connected to

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today, and Cash App is bringing back a great initiative for all AWLs. If you download the Cash App and EnterCode bar stool, you'll receive $5 and they will donate and send $5 to one of our favorite charities, ASPCA. Do it for the animals, be a lover, download the Cash App today, EnterCode bar stool, and get some money and save some animals. Okay, let's go! It's Pardon My Take presented by Fall School Spoons. Welcome to Pardon My Take presented by the Cash App. Go download the Cash App right now. Put in the code bar stool and you get $5 to the ASPCA to save some animals. Today is Tuesday, May 28th, and the puck has just dropped, boys. The Stanley Cup final is here. We are live watching it, and the first play was a total mess.

Yep, and that's our live watch. That is Talking Hockey. Talking Hockey. We will update as we go along. We are going to live watch. If you missed the game, just listen to the entirety of this episode and you will find out exactly what happened in the first period. Well, maybe the second period too. We will let you know how everything happened. For the record, I have the over in the first period, so that's going to be fun. Hank, how excited are you? After a lot of rust. Hank is very, very pumped for this Bruins. His Bruins. Very excited. It was tough getting back on the train, you know, leaving the town and city of champions, getting back on the train here, but you got to do what you got to do. Yeah, so it takes so many vacations. What is it, five months

since your last parade? Less than that. Less than that. Four months. Yeah, three, I think. Well, the Stanley Cup final has started and St. Louis versus Boston. Here we go. Let's talk some NBA. The Toronto Raptors are going to the NBA Finals and the Milwaukee Bucks are left. I feel bad for Bucks fans because they really did after up to Oh, they're like, this is going to be it. This is our year. Yeah, I mean, I just shrunk in every fourth quarter situation and the Raptors after I love when teams do this, all the credit in the world to the Raptors because they probably probably will not stay in Toronto, but I love when teams go all in on a trade and they're like, fuck it. We're going to go all in. We're going to put all of our chips in the middle here.

The Raptors like, you know, you still got to win the championship, but even still going to the final is huge for a franchise like that who's never been and had always had problems getting over that big hump. So credit to them and for a city too. And for a city and Jurassic Park, which I didn't even know they called that stupid plaza of tears Jurassic Park. It actually looked fun on Saturday night and Jurassic Park is just a kick ass name for like an open watching environment. I'll tell you who the real winner of this NBA Finals is and it might not be who you expect it is. Okay, Skip Bayless. Yeah, Skip Bayless is the real winner of these NBA Finals, no matter what happens, right? Because if the Warriors win, it's an indictment on Kauai and Skip gets to say number

two. I told you he was number two. And if the Raptors win, it's a big win for Skip Bayless, because then he can retroactively use that and say it means less that LeBron James beat that Warriors team without KD back in 2016 because Kauai also did it. Okay. And but he still hates Kauai a lot. And he actually, you know what, like Skip is crazy, but the Kauai stuff is real. Like Kauai did just quit on the Spurs. Oh, he fucked the Spurs over. Yeah, he totally fucked him over. I do like the Spurs, but it takes some of the sting out of it, knowing that it pissed Skip Bayless off. Yeah, that's true. So the things I'm looking forward to for this NBA Finals, first of all, it's the first time the Warriors have not had home court advantage for their entire

run, their dynasty run, which would be interesting. You don't know, like Kevin Durant's out for at least the first game. So I want, in order of things I want to happen, I want Steph to not win the MVP no matter what, just so that we can keep that narrative going. It's got to go to somebody crazy. Well, here's Dreymond. Dreymond's team. Here's what would be great is if the Raptors lost and Kauai got the MVP, then all the LeBron fans who said that LeBron should have gotten the MVP when he played great in a loss, that would just have everyone's brain. I'm just looking for brains to explode. That would be number one brain exploding moment for, for the Raptors to lose in seven and Kauai to get the MVP. When was the last time that happened? We're a player from the

team that lost. I think we looked this, I think we had this exact conversation two years ago. Did we not? I would love it to. Yeah, that would be amazing. So, all right. So that's my number one thing that I want. Number two thing that I want is I want Durant to come back in Jerry West. What? Jerry West. That's right. Oh, of course. I want Durant to come back in a way that creates like the most chaos. So I want it either to be out, like Toronto to win the first two games and Durant to come back to save the Warriors or for Toronto to be down O2 and Durant to come back and then somehow the Warriors lose games three. That's what I'm hoping for. One way or the other, we need absolute chaos. It will bum me out if like Durant comes back and it's like 1-1 or it's

2-0 Warriors and he comes back and they win game three. We need chaos. We need people to have the hottest takes possible when it comes to Durant and what he means to the Warriors. Yeah. So KD comes back game three. They get blown out in Toronto. Yeah. No, game three. Game three. Yeah, would be in going. They get blown the fuck out off and KD goes for like 35. Yeah, 45. He puts out like a lights out performance and they lose and it's like, did he throw the chemistry off this game? The Warriors are playing a less entertaining form of basketball now that Kevin Durant's back in and then you get the questions of Steve Kerr like, are you considering maybe bringing KD off the bench in game four? Right. And then Kevin Durant or Kevin Durant just not coming back in the Warriors

winning. Yeah, that'd be good too. That'd be great too. I actually think this is going to be a competitive series. I know you guys think it's going to be a quick, quick work for the Warriors. I mean, as of right now, and I would assume if Kevin Durant comes back, he's not going to be a hundred, a hundred percent. So with both those things, the Raptors have the best all-around player in this series, but he's, he's looked like he's kind of hurt too. Kawhi? Yeah. No. Well, he doesn't get hurt. He only gets fake hurt and then puts on his team. Yeah. He's fine. I'm also looking forward to what Charles Barkley's body does after a week's worth of poutine. Yeah, they won't be, I think it's on ESPN and AB. Charles Barkley is going to be eating poutine this week. Do you think

he'll go to the game? I don't know, but he's going to be eating poutine. He's going to be watching the coverage and they're going to talk about this great Canadian dish that's just carbs, crazy and cheese and Charles is going to be like, amen. That's always the saddest part when, when the conference finals end and they, they like end the year. So all those guys are like sign off for the year. It's always very sad. So the NBA on TNT, they're going fishing. Yes, they go fishing after the conference finals. Yeah, I like that. What they should do is they should just pretend like they have the rights to the series and do a half-time show and all that stuff. Yeah, and just put it up there. Yeah, yeah, just no highlights whatsoever. What obscure musical

bands or musical acts are we going to see make their return? Drake. Snow. Oh, Drake. Is he still alive? You asked a question where you already had the answer ready. No, I didn't. Oh, no, I'm just saying like, what do you think? What? Because they always bring some musical guests. What's that? What's that fucking band and tragically hip? Yeah, everyone loves. Yeah, there you go. Tragically hip. Yeah, sure. No, that is, that's the band that everyone loves in Canada. Atlanta's more set. I was, I was actually going through my brain a couple of seconds ago, trying to think of what the most famous Canadian musicians are. And I think I thought it was the Flaming Lips, but they're from Oklahoma City. Okay. They're the most Canadian Oklahoma band of all

time. Yeah. So Alanis Morissette, Jim Carrey, Bebs. Bebs. He's not allowed back in Canada though. What? I thought you got, no, I thought they basically were like, no, I think it was the monkey thing. Remember when he owned a monkey? He's from Canada. I know they said that we don't want him. Owning a monkey will get you banned from Canada for life. No, his monkey got him in trouble at some, some point. His monkey wouldn't apologize. Some airport, his monkey got him in trouble. I'm, I'm doing the thing where I'm combining like four stories into one. Yeah. I think that sounds good. That was Dan Bilzerian. Yeah. No, Justin Bieber tried to get back into Canada with a monkey and the monkey was just screaming racist shit. And they're like, Nope,

you're not allowed in. Not allowed back in. Yeah. That's what happened. That's definitely what happened. So yeah, it will, I'm excited for it. I actually think it's going to be a good series. I hope it is because I need, I need this block of my June to get filled up with sports somehow. Well, okay. So here's, here's the hope for the Raptors. What are you supposed to do in June if there's no sports? Women's World Cup. Yeah, but that's not till later. Well, getting ready for the women's World Cup. Yeah. Mentally preparing for the women's World Cup. Getting pumped up for it. The Raptors, Kawhi is the best all-around player in the, in the series. Kyle Lowry might be not terrible all the time. Fred Van Vliet has been awesome since he had a

kid. Yeah. I saw that stat. That's been huge. So getting your nut on confirms, makes you a better athlete. That's been huge. They, the, I've already seen some people be like, Hey, the Raptors can really rough up the Warriors, which is my favorite. I love when teams are like, you know, Hey, what's the key to beating this supremely talented, exceptional team? Well, we just got to beat them up. Beat the fuck out of it. I don't think that's going to work. But I love that storyline of like, Hey, if we just let Mark Gasol just foul everyone, maybe it will work. Yeah. Are the Warriors soft? Yeah. Just we're going to find out. Attack the rim and foul. Yeah. That will die that their knees. Yes. That's definitely going to, the, the, the rough up Steph Curry thing has been the bit like,

you just got to run them through. You know, when he's running through picks, you got to throw an elbow at him. You got to really just run at him. You got to, you got to rough them up. He doesn't like contact. And it's like, Oh wait, Steph just shot like, he just hit 35 on, you know, like eight for, for 10 from three. Can cussing Steph Curry is the best way to beat the Warriors? I think. Yeah. You know, choke them out. The Warriors should be smart and just roll boogie out there. I don't care if he's, he's hurt or injured or whatever. Let him go out there on crutches and just have him beat the fuck out of him. Fire with fire. Yeah. Yeah. Also, did you see that Steve Kerr was having dinner with pop? So he was getting all the Kauai dirt. He was downloading Kauai's data. Go after

his fake injured quad. That's by the way, that's my new fake business term. I guess it's like slang, jargon, whatever for if you work in an office, you now say, I'm going to download you on something. Oh yeah, we got that. I'm going to give you the information. Yeah, we got that here. Remember that time? We won't name names, but someone said, uh, some new hire barstool hit up me in PFT was like, Hey, when's a good time that we can, I can download what you guys are working on? Yeah. Like, what the fuck? Well, for Kauai, that actually works because he does run on software. Yes. Yes. He's plugged him into a wall outlet. Yeah. Just cram a USB drive up his ass and you've got the keys to beating him. Oh, oh, wow. The blue is just scores. Okay. I literally looked up. I haven't

watched a second of it. One more goal. Then I'm in the money. Hank saw his reaction. Hank rest versus Russ. Download us on your thoughts. Got to have better D. Okay. Can't let him let you open shots. That's some weak D. D game week. All right. We're going to watch the replay real quick and he's in the corner. The puck Hank is what they actually were looking for. Got to clear the puck. Got to get the puck out of the zone. You have to clear the puck and the juicy rebound doesn't help. A lot of juicy rebounds just right in front of the mess. You got to clear out the front of the net. Get that shit out of there, man. If you're a defender in the NHL and there's a guy that's in front of your net, you got to level. That will be electric for people listening tomorrow.

There's definitely one person out there, guy who drank too much Memorial Day weekend and went to sleep at like 6 p.m. Please tweet us tomorrow and be like, thank you for redoing the game. Why? He probably isn't a hockey fan, so he's just listening like, no, I'm not gonna find out what happens. That is like one of the more relatable things. You're probably, I'm talking to you directly right now, guy. You were probably like 24, 25. You've been working in the cubes for three years, so you have that, you know, the occasional day off. You probably have like five days total of vacation day because your boss fucks you over. So when you get the extra day off on Memorial Day, you really go crazy. You take advantage and then you and your son burnt. You're like a lobster.

You're hungover. You sat down on the couch with the with like the purpose of I'm going to watch the hockey game and then you woke up at four in the morning, confused as fuck on the couch, really, really thirsty and now you're here listening to us tell you what's happened. I want to say a top three feeling in life is waking up on that Saturday morning of a three day weekend and realizing that you're basically on a free play Friday right now. Dude, how about us? It's so great. How about us having a Sunday off? It was nice. Oh, also I played a video game. I made it to the PJ Tour in a fucking video game. Congratulations. Thank you. I'd like to say hands up are bad for not properly communicating or podcast release schedule because I thought on

Sunday morning I woke up and I thought about texting you guys and being like, Hey, we should probably tweet out that there's not going to be a show tomorrow because every Memorial Day, we do the schedule, the Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday schedule, but we didn't say anything about it during and then I just kind of forgot about it. I'm going to go the opposite. It's one of those. The real ones know the real ones know. Right. We always Memorial Day and Labor Day. We go Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday. So we have Zac Efron coming on Wednesday. By the way, speaking of which, Blake Bortles and Jared Goff and Zac Efron tomorrow, if you want to watch the interviews, barstoolgold.com slash PMT barstoolgold.com slash PMT, you can make sure you use that URL. Yes,

you can watch all of our podcasts, including all the interviews we did. Great week. So let's just say Zac Efron put his, he went two knuckles deep into my belly button. That's the moment you're going to want to watch. Yeah, he got your G spot. Yeah, he tickled the bottom of my balls. All right, let's do who's back of the week. Hank, why don't you start? My who's back of the week is LaCrosse. Oh, really? You must have loved watching the game. Yeah, it was riveting. I was keeping up with my phone via Twitter. Oh, really? You were keeping up with your phone. On my phone, yeah. Oh, I was traveling. Interesting. But I mean, it was scrolling, hitting refresh and just seeing the updates of, you know, what the score was. It was riveting. Another huge win for LaCrosse. Virginia

to beat Yale. Virginia is just pretty much the Boston of colleges. Those are two real scrappy pretty teams go to the finals. Yeah, Yale versus UVA. I love it. I watched Hank. I told you I tried to watch. I fell asleep in the first quarter. I woke up. I watched a little bit of the second quarter. They had the Yale Bulldog. That was cool. Handsome Dan. And then the Cubs game started, and I was too lazy to get up and find the remote for my bottom two TVs. So I just watched the Cubs game instead. You know what they did watch like 10 minutes of lacrosse. It was fucking sweet. You know what they really need to do in lacrosse? They need to make the goals worth more than one point. Oh, that's an easy. It's an easy fix for baseball, too. If you want to draw more attention

to your sport, like in football, a touchdown is really one score, but it's worth six, which makes the final score look so much cooler in lacrosse. If every goal was worth like five points in the final score was 198. Did you know, did you know there's a shot clock in lacrosse? Yeah. How many seconds is it? A few. It's more than one. 80. That's what I learned from watching that one quarter of the cross. How do they know if it's a shot? I don't know. I didn't watch long enough to figure it out. I think I only watched 79 seconds of it. There should be a swag clock in lacrosse because that's basically what most of the highlights that I've ever seen from the sport are. Just like some dude doing something kind of swaggy and shaking his lettuce out and pointing

at somebody as he runs by him. You ask what what sports can keep you going in the middle of June while the premier lacrosse starts on June 1st. Okay, we might make you just be a beat writer for one of the teams. Oh, that was my dream come true. What's the New York team called? The New York Bros. New York's chaos. They don't know. Wait, let's read the let's read the names. What is the Hank lacrosse minute? It's gonna be a must listen lacrosse. I'm just googling the archers premiere lacrosse. The archers is that they're all named archer the atlas. What chaos. See, I don't like when they do that shit. You're supposed to say like the atlas size or the atlai. Don't make me atlases the redwoods. Okay, Chicago's got a team. Oh, Chicago is the chaos and the whip snakes

whip snakes. Chicago is the chaos. That's fucking sick with the outlaws. The New York lizards. No, no, the Baltimore's got the lizards. I'm reading a different the major league lacrosse no premier. Oh, wait. Oh, wait. Oh, wait. There's no Chicago doesn't have a team. Why is there a guy in a Chicago chaos jersey? Another is Chicago chaos battle the archers. The chaos. What? What is one of the teams should just be the trust funds? What's the whip snakes? That's so stupid. Yeah. Yeah, the yachts. The vineyard vines. All right. Well, Hank loves lacrosse. The lacrosse bros don't get mad at us. We have one third of the show loves lacrosse. And I like real sports like rugby. Yeah, any others Hank? I know it's it. Okay, just the one.

Right. Okay, my who's back of the week is aliens. Aliens are back and they're back in a big way. The Navy released a lot of documents. Got documents right here. The New York Times did a big report about how they've spotted I think like a dozen UFOs off the east coast over the last few years. I can report them now more. Yeah, they're allowed to report them. They let them report this. They created a self report like a see something say something. Yeah, alien hotline. Yes, the New York Times is all over it. Wait, no, but these are like Navy fighters and Navy Navy. We can talk about aliens. We can talk about it now. So they've opened it up. They're all over the news. I'm loving it. All the footage looks awesome. Watching them do radar locks on UFOs. That's

probably really smart thing to do. It's kind of like it's kind of tough to be like, Hey, check out all these UFOs right when drones get really serious, right? Yeah, very interesting. So I got a couple excerpts here. According to New York Times, they say from the article, you have reached your monthly limit of free articles. Nice. And then the New York Times goes on to say, we noticed you're using an incognito web browser. Would you like to subscribe to New York Times starting in just dollar a month? So yeah, that's two times in a row, two weeks in a row where we've gotten the first bit first sentence out of the New York Times. I didn't even get that. Yeah. No, the last one is Wall Street Journal. Oh, yeah. Yeah,

they do the whole paywall thing. But it's kind of preposterous that there are all these UFO and alien settings out there. And we're not talking about that's what happens. Well, we are, you know what they should do? They should actually wait to release this information when there's not good sports on during that lapse in June. Yeah. Because right now it's like, bro, we're debating if Kawhi Leonard is good or not. Wait, what about drone racing? Drone racing. What about it? Have you watched it? It's electric. Yeah, it's pretty sick on TV some more. Agreed. Yeah, agreed. But those aren't UFOs. No, no, no, but I'm just saying you're used jogged my memory of drone racing. I watched it one Saturday morning, hung over on like, I think NBC sports or something, and it was awesome.

You know, it's better or worse than La Crosse championship. Way better. I didn't fall asleep. Yeah, they also use neon colors and like dark strobe lights. And so it's very visually appealing that way. Probably La Crosse is like, I just want it to be football. They like do have the football. They put they dress in the pads, they kind of hit each other. You see the play football and stumbling all over the place today was amazing. I don't understand in La Crosse when you are and aren't allowed to hit each other. Right. If you're going to have pads on, you should always do that. No, that's not true. Most physical sport. Long stick is not allowed to hit. Long stick. If you've got the long stick. Is that the goalie? No, it's defense. The goal tinder?

Is it a goal tinder? I do like how the goalies wear sweatpants. That's cool. That is very cool. Okay. Yeah, instantly back on with the Premier La Crosse. You got another one? I do. My other who's back of the week is pools. Pools are back. Big weekend for pools opening. Gambling? Oh, no. No, pools. Pools. Pools all over America Memorial Day weekend. Big, big weekend of the year to go sit in a bunch of strangers' urine for only $9 a month. Not bad. Which is actually a fucking great price. Some people charge triple that. I'm excited about it, but also who's back of the week is people shitting in pools. Oh, so yeah, that's always tough. It happens. Yeah, a lot. Yikes. It's also, well, so my pool is always too crowded because I live in a neighborhood with a bunch

of do-gooders and a bunch of people that are really early risers, like a lot of families. So my pool is typically filled by 9 o'clock in the morning when I haven't even finished my last wet drink. You got to go out and put out a bunch of towels. Towels works. Put towels out there like 6.30 in the morning, then go sleep for another four hours. Our traffic cones. Yeah. Just put traffic cones on the benches. People are like, these traffic cones are, these benches are broken, I think, because there's orange shit on them. Just go break everything. Yeah. And be like, well, I guess I can sit here. Or I poop in the pool first thing, and then everybody else leaves, and I'm like, it's my poop, so it's sterile to me. At one o'clock, you can just show back up and

be like, oh, you guys cleaned it already? Yeah. The biggest sign of dominance you can do is to take a crap. In another man's pool. Yeah. You know what else? Who's back of the week is ignoring the signs on pools that say, if you have had diarrhea in the last month, you're not allowed to swim here? That's not a real sign. Yeah. It's a sign in a lot of places. Really? And everyone ignores it. Okay. Because I think I've ever gone a month with diarrhea. Yeah. There's never been a month. Yeah. There's never been a week. It pretty much tells me the only people using those pools have the worst taste in food. Right. And just eat boiled chicken and rice like a dog recovering from a stomach injury. Like cheese. Yeah. Yeah. Just plug them up. All right. I got two who's backs.

First one is Bartol Cologne. Was back for about four seconds. Then he's not. I saw that. So, but here's the good news. I think that this is how you get back. So how do you think he was back? Well, I saw a tweet saying that he was signed with the Tigers and then everyone's like, that's fake news. He's not. But I think someone from Bartol Cologne's camp started this. Now we're talking about him. Now everyone's like, Oh, he's out there in the biz. They call that a trial balloon. He can be had. Yeah. He just floated out there and see where it goes. So I think, and by the way, not to credit us, but let's credit us. We started this like a week ago when we just started talking about him. Yep. So he is going to be back. It's a pre-lated back. I'm also thinking

pre-lated back is Tim Tebow because the Mets have to bring him up at some point. So bad, dude. Just stop. But they sell so many tickets. Just stop. He's so bad. I would. I don't like the Mets and I would go to several Mets homes. He's so bad. All right. My other who's back is Death Twitter. Big weekend for Death Twitter. So we had the passing of Bart Starr, Bill Buckner, Auburn radio guy, Rod Bramblett, who tragically passed in a car accident. And all these deaths, obviously, you know, deaths are sad, but people don't know how to handle it on Twitter. And we had the weirdest one was people responding to Rod Bramblett's last tweet from like two days ago, being like, Hey, Florida fan here always respected you. Rest in peace to his tweet. Yeah. Never got

that. And then, of course, we had the people trying to make things way too personal. The Peter King, Darren Revelle tweeted about Bill Buckner's death. Bill Buckner's death comes with unexpected guilt. The guilt of eight year old me who, thanks in part to his error, got his only major sports championship. Rest in peace, Bill. I'm sorry. My joy came with your pain. Thank you. What a nice moment. Thank you. As a Mets fan, let me just say, I'm sorry that he's dead. And the more common thing with Buckner, who was actually a great baseball player, yes. But everybody was saying like, he should not be remembered for the error against the Mets. But that's how they were remembering him. Right. By saying that by saying it out loud. But yeah, it's always funny. I always get a little

chuckle out of people's response to deaths on Twitter, because you really the lesson here is don't tweet because either you're the guy who's like chasing for retweets and likes or the guy who makes it way too personal or the creepy guy who replies to the dead person's last tweet that's like going to the store to get some milk and then you reply to it being like, sorry, you died. I just want to say that if I pass away, feel free to use like any picture with me as as clout chasing for yourself like really gun for those retweets. I want you to reply to my last tweet probably I don't know about how swag Kelly is criminally underrated or some stupid shit like that. I want you to reply saying, hey, hey, yeah, there you go. That that are like, hey,

Bill Simmons fan coming in peace here. Yeah, I didn't like I didn't like part of my take, but I just want to say the worst place without PFT's dumb shit takes like that guy from Kansas City. I don't think we've ever told that story. The guy who we met in Kansas City came up to us. Weirdest fucking story ever. This guy comes up to me in PFT at Kansas City after we finished interviewing Patrick from Homes. We're at George Brett's restaurant. He comes up to us. He goes, that was a Mike Wilbon level name drop right. What? We just finished it. Well, that's what we were doing and we were at George Brett's. I mean, you were there too. I know, I know. I understand you slid it in there seamless. Well, it's not a name drop if everyone knows we interviewed them.

So we interviewed. So so we were at the bar and a guy comes up to us. He's like, hey guys, I'm not a fan of your show, but all my friends are. Can I get a picture? And we're like, you could have just lied, dude. And he's like, well, I really just like Racillo. So when he's on, I listen to that. But otherwise, I don't listen to your show. But yeah, can I get a picture? We're like, again, you could just lie. But yeah, I told him next time just lie to me. And I think he even said like my friends are fans of yours. Oh, Hank, you can't do that live broadcast. That guy that just woke up is going to be so confused. He's going to be so confused. I'm sorry about Hank. We're sorry, guys. The Bruins are our power play. There was no goal. But end of the story,

the guy came up to us and just said, yeah, I know of you guys, but I'm not a fan. But can I get a picture? But in the ultimate win, he was wearing like Coke bottle glasses that made him look like a 1970s serial killer. So of course, he'd listen to a show. Yeah, I want you to say, hey, PFT, I'm a big Bleacher report fan, but I'm still sorry about your death. I know of you guys. Yeah, find my worst take and reply to that. Yeah. Find the take that aged poorly the most and reply to that en masse so I can get ratioed. Yeah, that's the other thing is you're basically ratioing the guys last posthumously. Yeah, it's fucked up, dude. It's fucked up. That's a fucked up way to deal with someone dying. Okay, my last two is back to New Zealand breakers, our team, our basketball

team, not for the reason you think they're back. We signed mellow. So we did not sign mellow. That was fake news, but there is big news coming. And if you're listening to this right now before I'd say about 830 in the morning, you probably don't know the news news yet. If you know it after then now you know the news. Holy shit, that was crazy. Wasn't it because we're owners are wearing the know we're owners were in the know this is just us doing a quick segment to let you know that we know that you don't know. All right, let's get to our interview. We got Jared Goff Hank, I don't know if we can get the wheels back on here. I hope my funeral gets ratioed though. Isn't that that's a good thing at a funeral, right? If you have a lot of people that stand

up to speak. Yeah, like the ratioing your corpse in real life. Well, no, that's just an annoying funeral. Oh, I like that. No, I like that about no one wants to go to the wedding or funeral where they do like anyone else want to say something and like 15 people come up because then you get the worst. You get to find out like the deepest weirdest parts of the person's life that you didn't know about. Oh, that's the worst though. You're just sitting there like, come on, can we go to the bar, please? And we'll we'll drink around, you know, we'll have a beer and be like, haha, cheers to them. Yeah. And then go about our day. Every cop movie has to have two things at one, a funeral where people stand and drink and tell stories about how he was a good cop around the

corpse. And then the other is a poke song that that finishes out the funeral. And that was the ending of the wire. Yep. Before we get to the plate portals, movement watches, MVMT watches, you need to do it right now. You need to get there. The Los Angeles based accessories brand has hundreds of premium affordable sunglasses styles to choose from. So whether you're into more timeless shapes like classic round sunnies or something that makes a statement like the 90s skinny frames, they've got them all. You can get watches, you can get sunglasses, you can do it all it's summertime. Get those sunglasses. We've been wearing them. It's awesome. They have awesome styles. They come with a polarized lens option. So you never have to worry about that harsh summer

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presented by body armor. Go drink body armor right now. It is delicious. It's nutritious. It's our favorite drink. We are here in LA with Jared Goff Blake Bortles. The entire who's who's the other Sean Manion still? No, he's in Minnesota. That's awkward. It would be Brandon Allen and John Wolfer. Okay. Yeah. We're half of the yeah and wuffy. Yeah. We're half. Yeah. I love those guys. Ram's quarterback room. We're gonna start though with the question. What is grit? How do you define grit? A lot of people have been saying California guys don't have grit. Is that right? Yeah. A lot of so Cal isn't gritty. What are you guys doing here? Kind of talk. I mean, grit is like just being like in the dirt, I guess. Like I think of like dirt. I think of

like a muddy field. Like who close your eyes or like it's like 100 degrees out in like a summer practice and you don't have much grass on the field and it's like dusty. Yeah. Yeah. Dusty pants because it's a global warming. Super dry. You got dust in the mouth. California's in a drought. Yes, exactly. Hopefully no more wildfires. Well, actually, if there are wildfires, Jared Goff will put it out. That's right. Because people forget he put out a wildfire. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Thank you guys for your service. A little with a half a bottle of Dasani. That's right. They saved California. All right, Blake, what's grit for you? Good. Grits me is kind of more like an acronym. Getting raunchy in the trenches.

Oh, okay. With two T's, G R I T T. Grits. Yes. But yeah, just like the junction boys. What about? Yeah. What about getting raunchy in the Tesla? Because we saw your new fancy California car. Yeah. So Blake's driving a electric car. What's up with that? Tesla. Tesla. So the plan was to buy a Tesla so that I could quit dipping because then I wouldn't have to go to the gas station. So no, I just go to the gas station. That's a very expensive way to quit dipping, but more power to you. Yeah. I actually thought you were joking when I first saw it. I thought it was like you were messing around like, oh, I'm in California. I'm gonna run a Tesla. I also wanted to fit in, but I like I have a pickup truck back in Jacksonville and I was like, I don't really

want to bring that out to California. Right. So I figured I'd buy something where I could fit in. So have you gone to the gas station? Wait, do you, how does it, you just plug it in at home? Yeah. And there's a charger at the facility. So when you drive to work to the Rams facility, do you actually drive or do you just do auto? No, I let it just get on the highway and like you double click the thing twice and it just drives you all the way. So you're just sitting there like scrolling through your phone? Yeah. Kind of check the news and see what's going on. That's incredible. It beeps like every 60 seconds and you got to touch the wheel and then it just lets you know you're alive. Yeah. You can't take a nap or something. Like eat breakfast in your car on the way to work.

You can. Yeah. That's pretty sweet. Tell them how you bought it. That actually, wait, but hold on. Before you tell us how you bought it, that actually seems like the perfect car to be able to dip in. It's perfect. Right. You don't have to worry about your hands like where the bottle is. There's no more like the bottle between your hands. Yeah. You ended up trying to pull one out while you're like mid driving. So right. Technically, the, yeah, you should probably save her. Pick it up and very safe. You ended up getting like a trip chamber just for dipping. That's what the Tesla is. They should market themselves like that. Yeah. Put out a camo version of the car. I think the Venn. A Masio Tesla. Yeah. The Venn diagram of people who dip

in people on Teslas. Don't touch. Probably just play. Yeah. Just play portals standing there. All right. So hot. Tell us the story of how you bought it. So I, well, I needed like an SUV because I like, I have a truck and I like, I wanted something like a Tahoe or, you know, something like that just to drive around. And I was kind of looking at websites and then I ended up on the Tesla website and it was like, you know, design your own. So I'm not going to see what I can do here. And then I got to the last page and there was a buy now button. I was like, well, I got to hit this. I got a call immediately. Like, hey, congratulations on your Tesla purchase. It's like, uh, I can't get issues. Yeah, right.

You're like sneakers. Customize my own. Yeah. Yeah. So I guess that's kind of how they're doing it now. So did you have to like enter a credit card number for the buy now button? Or it was just like on your honor. I immediately called me. It was just like, I was sitting over the wiring instructions. Oh my God. All right. I guess we got one. So there was no negotiation as far as the price goes. No, no, there was none. We should have to buy it now. See what happens. See how long it takes. Yeah. And just they'll call us and I'll just be like, psych. Yeah. Or, uh, yeah, it's in the mail. Don't worry. You'll get it. You'll get it. All right. So, uh, Jared, yeah, we need to talk about

some stuff. Uh, before the Super Bowl, Hank, our producer has said a lot of mean things about you. Well, I just want to say for the record, we're actually don't know what he said. Yeah, we'll get to, I think we've got some quotes, some exact quotes, but we're not the type of guys that would talk, crash behind somebody's back and not say it to their face. So we're going to have Hank. We had your back. Yeah. Hank, do you want to read the exact quotes of what you said to him? Do you have the exact quotes? I would love to read them. Oh, no, yeah, I don't think so. Jared Goff reads too much bar stool to win a Super Bowl. That's what he said. Not what I said whatsoever. I think of anyone that's listened to the show knows I've been

the biggest Jared supporter. Jared knows I've been the biggest Jared supporter. Well, except for that one week, all we had, they asked what my take on the show was. And I said, Jared Goff, it reminds me of my friends. He's very similar to my friends. I could not see any of my friends taking down Belichick and Tom Brady. Damn. Wow. That was the truth. That was the record. I'm sorry. I bet on you. Yeah. Oh, very good point. Just kidding. Hank, just kidding. All right. So we got mortal enemies. Are you going to, you want to apologize, Hank? I'm sorry. I've seen Hank wear the color rest

yours the whole time. I know he's on board. He does. Are you going to say sorry though? I mean, I'm sorry if your feelings are hurt. I was just giving my No, no, no, no, these feelings weren't hurt. Don't do that. Are you, are you sorry? All right, then I'm sorry. Are you sorry for what you said? No. Like in retrospect, it was kind of mean. Say sorry. It was true. It was true. Does Brady have you in his guest house right now?

No. Okay. I disagree. I think that you don't read enough bar stool. Yeah. All right. Yeah. I think if you had read a little bit more, then you would have won. Yeah. He's a mind. I'm sorry that big hand PFT are trying to come in between us, Jared. It's okay. You're forgiven. All right. Give the, give the mic back to Blake. Give it to Blake.

Thanks, Hank. All right. Let's do, let's do the real Super Bowl talk just to get out of the way. Are you, how long was it like pretty big bummer? I mean, the first like a few days sucks and it really sucked a lot because you, you think about like they only scored 10 points. Right. Like, oh, all we had to do was score 11 points with one game. But I think you, you know, how much preparation you put into it and know how much hard work

you put into it and live with that. And, you know, hopefully we can get back another chance at it. You know, you know, it's always hard, but hopefully, you know, soon we get another chance at it. Can I say two, two spin zones for you? One is you guys looked fucking sweet in those uniforms. There you go. So like that's a big thing to me is like, if you look at a picture and you're like, that looked sweet, like that was cool.

And the Super Bowl patch stuff. And number two, you didn't cry like Blake did after the AFC championship game. Blake didn't cry. He scored a water on his face. Yeah, I tried not to. Well, you guys are like, I haven't seen the Avengers. So I don't even know if I'm speaking correctly here, but are you guys are like the Avengers for like teams that the Patriots beat? Like you guys are now going to join forces the last two seasons.

Or did, I don't know. Did the Avengers have to collect stones from you? Did he get, did he take any stones from you when he beat you? No. Did you actually end up going back and watching the game yet? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I watched it right after the next day. Really?

Oh, yeah. That's torture. No, I mean, I knew what happened. I mean, it wasn't like, I forgot what happened. It was just watch the games, see what happens, see what you could do better and move on. Yeah, go ahead. That probably helps the move on period. Right, right.

Did you pull the bandaid off? Did you watch it with McVeigh? Not at the whole. No, I don't think so. Yeah. No. No, because the next day we have our next day or so, we have a meeting, like an exit meeting, and then you're pretty much done.

Yeah, I watched it, I think the first, it was like four days in a row after the Super Bowl. They played it every single night on NFL Network, and I just missed football so much that I just kept watching it, thinking maybe more points would get scored this time. Well, yeah. Well, you know what's good. I've actually thought about is like, good Super Bowls get replayed on NFL Network. There's a spin zone. Ours probably won't.

Won't. And wasn't very exciting. Here, here's the real one. I was the big loser. I bet the over. Yeah. So imagine being big kid at the water. That was like incredible.

Yeah. That's, I mean, that's the worst performance of anyone on Super Bowl Sunday. The over? What was it? It was like 58. It was pretty. He missed it by what? I missed it by so many points.

Pretty damn high. It was never even close. It was insane. But so what's the, what's the vibe now? Like in the Rams facility, you guys are all back together now. Is it like, let's get this back together? Yeah, feel good. Feel good.

I mean, added some good pieces on defense with Wettle and Clay Matthews. Oh yeah. I forgot it. Feel good. Feel really good. You know, we're starting tomorrow real practice, I guess. Really going against our defense and see where at. Blake's been great.

Blake's been a lot of fun. Yes. What's that like having Blake in the room? It's been good. You know, I mean, just being friends with him. And then like you guys talked about being doing ASD championships. It's audible. Has it reached one of those points where it's like your best friend is on a sleep over

with you for like four nights in a row. And you start to get sick of each other yet? Not yet. No, we've been we've been pretty fun. It's been good. Brad had actually slept over yet. But yeah, okay. When that happens maybe.

Yeah. Why didn't you do? Why didn't you do the guest house? Because if you do the guest house, then you probably has been occupied. But then you end up with like a Peter King story being like these two guys are having, you know, Jared's having a great year and Blake is living with their best friends. This is fucking awesome.

And everyone does a puff piece. Basically, Michelle Tafoya is like, can you believe it? These guys live together. Basically, we just love it. And it felt a narrative so much that we think you should sacrifice your life. It was offered. He did offer. I did offer.

He told me he had an extra bed. And you said no? I said I'll live down the street outside of the gate of neighborhood. Okay. I like that. So he's close, but not too close. Right, humble. Yeah.

Yeah, outside the gate here. Are there any plays in the offense this year where you guys are both going to be on the field at the same time? No, that's been requested though. Yeah. And consider it requested again for me. When you talk to Sean later in the week, he controls that. Yes, I will absolutely let him know.

Well, we're going to time travel with that because we'll talk to Sean before. We've already talked to him and he's already installed the play. Okay. Yeah. Well, then you when you talk to him a few days ago, you let him know. Yeah, exactly. I will. I will have done that.

Um, Blake, new teammates. How has your breath been with them? It's been good. Oh, fucking Leonard. I haven't noticed anything. Yeah, it's never been a thing. Well, there was a thing. No, I think it's been good.

I've been conscious of it though. So, um, like I brushed my teeth at least twice before I go twice. Well, you got all that time. And then there's mouthwash in the facility. So I use that. And, uh, yeah, it's been, it's been strong because that would be like, I mean, new, new teammates. Like you can't show up. You can't be like introducing yourself with bed breath.

Yeah. Are you, uh, what did we have you? We had you on since the, since you left the Jagwash, right? Have you kept in touch with any of those guys or? Yeah, I still talk to someone. I mean, a couple of those guys I played with for five years or so. So, so I have a lot of good friends there and, you know, obviously wish them the best and keep up with them. Yeah.

I noticed that you were shooting some looks over when Brooks Kepka FaceTimed in earlier today. Are you feeling threatened that he might be encroaching on your blakeness? Yeah. Well, I mean, until just recently they found out there was only one guy to worry about. Now there's two. Yes. This guys wouldn't shave me chips left and right. Yeah.

How do you feel about us crowning him and honorary Blake? I'm okay with that. Um, I guess, you know, it's more competition. Right. Yeah. As long as the competition stays the same. Did you, did you hear that, uh, play in just the call? Yeah, that's all.

As long as that's the competition. I'm okay. Yes. Do you, did you, uh, we had Blake Griffin on and I think like February or something. He said that guys have been like coming up like in the middle of like a game. He was shooting free throws and guys are like, Hey, good luck with Blake of the year. So it's getting pretty like, yeah. The guys are just getting up.

I told you earlier, I got a text from like a random number, which whenever I call in, like it goes to a random number and, uh, it said Blake of the year starting now go. And I just immediately replied like ready, let's do it. It was just so random. Somebody from Germany like messing with me. Getting you iron sharp. Yeah. No, I kind of appreciate it.

I said thanks. Yes. Yes. Keeping me sharp. So, um, Jared, what's it like being rich now that you got the fifth year? Oh man, it's great. Yeah. Great.

That's good. That's, that's, I haven't seen those checks yet, but it's good. Yeah. Blake, you know about the fifth year. Yeah. Oh yeah. Fifth year is a big one. Yeah.

That's the one you got to get. It's, it's, that's good. Yeah. This is good. Yeah. So you're here on a one year deal? Yeah. Is that right?

And so then you're going to become a head coach somewhere after working with Sean. Yeah. That's, I mean, that's kind of the track. So, yeah. So like where are you going to probably like Detroit or something next year? It's three million. I mean, it really anywhere would be fine. What did you meet with him before you signed the deal?

I forget what you said. Because I know you blew him off for dinner. With McVeigh. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we, I had already signed. So dinner was kind of irrelevant at that point. Figured he'd rather spend his, his night doing something else.

Did he have to sell you on this or were you just like it's LA? Yeah. No, not really. I mean, I've spent a good amount of time out here and obviously known Jared for a while and coming out here and walking around the facility and a whole bunch of guys on the team and meeting with the coaches. It was kind of like, this is, this is where I want to be. When's a new facility open?

When is the stadium a new facility? Stadium is not the season, but the next one in the facility is TBD. Oh, interesting. Yeah. That's a good question. Yeah. There's another one. That's another one you can have Sean a few days ago.

Yeah. All right. A few days ago we will ask him. Yeah. We will have asked him. Yeah. He's like micromanaging all that. Yeah.

He's probably going to have like a hard hat on and his clipboard and construction vest and yeah. So it's the NFL network facility and the Rams facility is going to be together. Yeah. It seems a little bit incestuous. No, our stadium will host them essentially. Our stadium complex will have NFL network in it. So Roger, that was going to be your roommate, basically.

Not where we practice. Where we play our games. Your locker will be right next to Rich Eisen. Potentially. Yeah. He wears really like kind of weird sweaters all the time. Yeah. Big cardigan guy.

Yeah. Yeah. He's a good guy. He's good. He's okay. Are you guys going overseas? You guys going overseas this year? What do you do?

We go to London. Okay. In the wild. Oh, Blake can help you with that. Blake is going to be a tour guide. We do go to Hawaii for a pre-season game. You go to Hawaii? Pre-season game in Hawaii.

That's why Blake signed with the Rams. Yeah. He's like, okay. Want to make sure we still go to London and Hawaii. Yeah. Yeah. Smart man. Do you have a passport?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You probably had to get one before Mexico City last year too, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You've had one for a while.

I've had one. Yeah. What was the prep like for Mexico City? Because it's like twice as tall as Denver. Well, we went to Colorado. Yeah, that's right. It was actually during all the fires. So it kind of worked out for us to go out there,

just to be out of the smoky area. And then we got out there and two days later, it was like, hey, the game's even back in LA. It was actually, there was a plane of family members leaving to go like coaches wise and stuff, leaving like the moment the news broke. Holy shit. And they're like, well, what are we doing?

Now we should go back home. But no, it was good. We trained out in Colorado at Air Force Academy for a week and came back and beat the Chiefs. Game of the year. Yeah, it was fun. Game of the year. That was a great game.

Yeah. What happened? Another one last tough question for you. What happened in Chicago? That was that was not good for the Cali kid thing. Like it wasn't you. They know it was cold and they showed your face and you had that like, listen,

I know the cold like you get that little tear where you're not really crying, but it's cold. Exactly. Kind of are. And you had that. Yeah. And it was like, listen, I love Jared, but he's got no chance because it's too cold.

It wasn't it. What did you say? It wasn't like 45 degrees. It was cold. Yeah. It was like it was like 35 maybe and it really wasn't windy at all. Their defense is damn good.

Yeah. But the cold and good. It wasn't that cold. Okay. Denver was way colder. And how'd you do that? We won that game. Okay.

You won that game because you got to stop the Cali. Like people are going to do that. You know what I mean? Well, I mean, that's okay. Were you wearing sleeves in that game? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You got to get rid of him.

He had like a he had a fuck. So was Mitchell. For some reason though, you look colder when you're wearing sleeves that make you warmer. Does that make sense? Sure. Like especially if you're playing football, if you see a guy with fair arms, it's like that guy's hot. We're wearing like the all white too.

So it probably made us look like we were trying to like stay warm and like a snow outfit. Yeah. Blake, if Sean McFay walked into the first day of training camp and was like, hey, listen, Blake, I love you, man, but you can't wear a hat on the sideline for the entire season. What would you do? Wear a helmet. I've seen Sean Manu wearing a helmet on the sideline all last year.

You're going to do that. You're going to wear a helmet every day. Hey, I'd wear a visor. Brass for a headset just to cover it. Yeah. The visor would be a hell of a look. Like that's the, that's the niggie look, right? Yes.

The bald, like totally bald. Bald visor. Yeah. Where are you at right now? Like, I mean, it's, we got to do something about it. God, it's not bad. No, that's not bad. No, well, you're looking at the right.

Yeah. But from this angle, it's not bad. Right. And then when you get it, notice he didn't dip his head at all. When it gets really bad on the top of my head. When it gets really bad is when you wear a helmet. When it gets like, down and wet. And I haven't seen that yet.

That'll. That was the first thing Jared said. It was like, I haven't seen you post helmet here yet. Oh no. I'll be there tomorrow. He's got the, he's got the hat. Helmet to hat. So, so down though.

It's insane. It's the fastest thing you've ever seen. You can never. Gips his head a little too. It is like this and you can't, you, you honestly can't see it. You're like a gunfighter with your hand like just dipping down real quick. I remember the first day of practice back in like high school football every year, the first day over the summertime, the helmets would just hurt like shit.

Terrible. Do you guys still get that or your head's just used to it by now? If it's a helmet I've worn, like if it's my helmet from last year, it'll be fine. It's a new helmet. It's the same way. You got to break it in and you get that big Peyton Manning like red triangle on your forehead. Yeah. That was the worst.

Also back to losing hair though. I think we talked about this the other day. I feel like when it starts to go really the best, you know, I like to think like the best asset of me is my face. So my face is just growing. True. I didn't say that. It says forehead to head.

True. Percentage wise. Yeah. You have more head to go around. It's just growing. Your feature to hair ratio is only increasing. Exactly. Peyton Manning's forehead has made me think of hair.

Bigger forehead, not less hair. Do you ever plan on shaving the beard? Is it one of those things where it's like I'm going to trick people to think that I'm not bald? Yeah. Like when you're losing hair or going bald or shave your head, I feel like you have to have a beard. Yes. Balance it out. Absolutely.

I like the beard. Thanks. I like yours. Yeah. Thanks. Well, that's because I'm going gray. So that sucks. I'm not losing hair.

I'm not like you. But yeah, which I am going very gray. So it sucks. It's not bad. No, it sucks. I look dignified. Are you guys going to do any hijinks like in the locker room and stuff? Because like you guys are best friends.

So you can just like team up on someone. Like maybe like push them over. You get you get down on the table top of them. So like that made pants and people. We have plenty of pranks. I think it's a little different. I think you guys are a little different. You guys are like professionals.

We kind of pick on the younger quarterback a little bit. Wait, who? Bring it on, John. Joe. Yeah, a little bit. What's your name? What's your name? He's great.

John Wolford. Wolford. Where'd he come from? Played in the AAF. Went to Wake Forest. Damon Deacon. Oh, powerhouse. Powerfully great offense.

Yeah. Riley Skinner. Yeah. He was on the hot shots. AAF hot shots. Oh, really? They were good in the Arizona. Yeah, they put up some points.

We know our AAF. We're very familiar with that box score. I bet on this. Yes. So yeah, what kind of hijinks you go pull on him? Oh, I don't know. A little icy hot in the jacks track. Well, he's got a little more, I guess, experience.

What's his name? You've been a veteran for longer than I have. Yeah, there's not a whole lot. There was a lot of stuff going on in Jacksonville. Not so much pranking. I was saying, I think a funny one I was saying the other day is when you hand the helmet around. Like you grab somebody's actual helmet and you get,

hey, can you guys sign this for me? I'm giving it to somebody and everyone signs it. And then they wear it at practice. It's good. And then they have to give a new helmet. I like that. That's a good one. I've seen that one.

That one's good. Do you guys have to wear your names on your helmets for like the start of camp? We do. I don't know. I saw that. We do. Yeah.

Damn. Yeah, you're going to have to learn all this new stuff. I just saw that the other day. We have all this over our name and number. How much is your like coming to LA? Is it super different in terms of like, you were comfortable in Florida. You're a Florida guy.

Are you adapting well? Florida was home. Yeah. I mean, it's been good. I got a couple of friends. I mean, it's a nice place. It's like out of the way. Like, I kind of know Orange County well,

but up north of LA wasn't really familiar with. So, I mean, it's been good. I go to dinner by myself. Seriously? It's a good amount. Yeah. Well, you eat at the bar? Yeah, dude.

Oh, I do. That's cool. Well, I guess. Because you can't ask for it. What? Well, they give you like. Table for one is a sack. Blake, table for one.

What do you do? You just sit down. I actually, I'm with you. I think eating at the bar is pretty cool. I like eating at the bar. Yeah. Yeah. Damn.

You get to see the bartender making all the other drinks and there's like, there's like a sushi chef or like somebody making a sandwich. You could watch that, too. Like, you can have conversation. Like, you can't sit at the table by yourself and try and talk to the waitress. Right.

Yeah, that's just great. You know, like, you can talk to the bartender or somebody sitting next to you. Have you been recognized on here yet? Oh, no. Do you get recognized? I mean, every once in a while. LA is a weird guy.

Also, when we signed him, there's not been a free agent signing we've made that my friends have texted me more about than when we signed him. It was like burning cooks last year and not in that big of a deal. Clay and not in that big of a deal. When we signed Blake, it was like,

yo, you guys got Blake. Like, it's going to be dope. Yes, it is. I mean, that's, I think I might have been one of those texts. Yeah, you are. Like, hey, this is awesome. And then some of my friends are like, yeah, I'm going to get it.

I'm going to get a five jersey. Like, hold on. Whoa. Like, what's going on? Well, we wait. Wait. What did we decide? What did we decide with you?

Uh, Gordals. Gordals. Gordals. We're going to get a Gordals jersey. Bob. Bob. Yeah. Jake, Bob.

Or like Gordals. Gordals. Laird Gordals. Yeah. Blair Gordals. Laird Gordals. Gordals is pretty good. So will you be mad if we do that?

Do what? A combination jersey. Get a Gordals. Absolutely not. Okay. Because we're going to get it. Do it. And you thought for your personal brand,

just like the B, then capital LA, and then lowercase KE. Yeah. Probably sell a lot of t-shirts. Have you, Jared, have you had like an increase? Like has your schedule gotten crazier since you were in the Super Bowl? Like is everyone lowering your time? I mean, you haven't fucking taken that Red Bull hat off once.

And so it's clearly, well, no, I mean, it's clearly like you got brands and shit, but like anything else like that. Oh. Um. Let me, uh, not really. I may be a couple. Banana Republic.

Banana Republic. What? They hooked you up? Yeah, I did some stuff with them. Damn. You didn't see the commercial? No, I don't think I did. Yeah, I did some good stuff with them.

You did some free clothes? Yeah. Nice. Yeah, it's been fun. That's probably been the biggest one since the rule. Okay. Okay. What do you got going on in Dorset and Weiser right now?

I know a whole lot. I'm just hanging out. Wikipedia Club. Wikipedia Club. Yeah, we'll get you with Tesla too. I feel like they're going to hear your testimonial. Oh, you might. Like a Tesla grizzly.

Something real nice about them. The grizzly. The Copenhagen edition. Yeah, I like that. That's good. I like that a lot. You're on Musk. I know you're listening.

Tesla sells merch. I keep wearing a lot of Tesla. It's like poor stuff. Like you like wear like Tesla hats. That's a tough look. Yeah, it'd be real too. Is there still stuff about your Tesla that you're figuring out like you have no idea what it does?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Like you, there's so much like weird things it does. Because it's like, I mean, it's just like software. It's just a computer on wheels. And like you can turn it on to where every time you hit your blinker, it farts and like makes like whoopee cushion noises and stuff like that. So you do that?

Yeah. So much questions. You can't have that on there. I'm not going to use it. Right. But yeah, it does all kinds of weird stuff like that. It's pretty cool. Shit.

All right. I have one last question. Seekik question put in promo code take you at $10 off. Seekik purchase. Do you guys have any questions for us? No. That's the question. Oh, yeah.

I got a question for you. Yeah. How's the, you're about to be a dad. Yeah, I am. I'm excited. I'm nervous. I'm excited and nervous. So June's going to be, that's why we're out here.

People are going to listen to this after the fact, but we're out here because we're doing a bunch of interviews to try to get ahead of it a little bit. So I'm not going to take much time off. I'm not going to miss any shows. Big paternity leave. No, I don't think Barstool has anything like that. Nothing. No, I don't think so.

I was actually wondering if I was going to get paternity leave when you had your kid too. Yeah. No, I won't miss any shows. We're going to do an evergreen show that we have that we can just throw out there if like the kid comes like on a show night rather than that. You know, I got a question for you guys. It's about the kid. We need to figure out who's going to be the godfather, the kid between me and Hank.

Do you have any? Or Blake Jared. All right, we're not even running. Everyone's in the run. I was about to ask them if they had any ideas for a competition. Now they're going to be like throw football as far as you can. Yeah. I think I think people will take you guys.

Yeah. I think the football like, because I think the godfather is going to have to like teach him some stuff when dad's on around. One of the vortex ones though. Problem is when dad's not around, they're not around either. We travel everywhere together. To the point where like if people see like if I go somewhere and it's like even vacation to be like, where's PFT, dude?

It's like I don't go everywhere with him. Most 90 percent of the time I'm with him. But it's always weird. We're like, where's PFT? It's like, bro, we don't always go everywhere. It's like when you see your teacher in the grocery store and you're like, well, I thought you lived at the school. Yeah, right.

Why aren't you guys together? What the hell? Yeah, just make it Dave. He stays in New York. So who'd be there when you're gone? That's actually a smart move. Make Dave the godfather? Make Dave the godfather then.

Yeah, because he won't like roll. What would you teach it? I'm not even going to see you. Well, he'll be impressed when we're back here. Does he actually, does he even know? He's a boy. Here's a beautiful thing. What did you say?

Does he even know? Yeah, he does know. But I, here's the best part is that the due date's June 25th and he goes to Nantucket for all of July. So I think there is a chance that like I'll have a child and then like we'll go a year where he'll be like, wait, you have a kid. Like I'll be like one thing I'll miss in like an entire year. But hey, I can't go to this.

And he'll be like, why? Like I have a kid like what? Because he's going away right after. So it's actually perfect because I don't really want to make him. You could probably miss July too. Yeah, I don't want to make the kid fodder for like Dave to just roast and do the Dave thing. So we're going to try to avoid that.

Yeah. Try to have a normal child. Are you going to give your kid like an Instagram account? No, absolutely. Make him. Yeah, you can make him like, you miss like promo, like see. Nothing. All that stuff.

None of that. No. Oh, the kid will. That would be a good marketing move. You're telling me that kid wouldn't have a lot of followers? Yeah. But I don't want it. There's using kids for social cloud is.

Well, no. No. People do it. Yeah, I know. He's not allowed to get on social media till he's 18. No, little, little, little, little. Look at little cash app. Cat is not allowed to get on social media.

I mean, no, this is all consistent on how I do gambling and football. You name it. Cash app. Obviously, if I start to lose, like I usually lose. And yeah, maybe the kid will have his own Instagram and he'll have to be sponsored and shit. Like the tattoo on his face and everything. Yeah, my dog, my dog's a news breaker.

Yeah, there you go. My dog doesn't really break correct. No, he's he's on a hot streak right now. He's like two for four. Oh, wow. That's crazy. Yeah. All right.

What other questions you got for us? Um, your boy, your buddy in rough and rowdy was awesome. Yeah. Yeah, he did well. That was sick. That was that a lot more rough and rowdy. Did he win? Yes, he did win.

You were there. That's what you were texting me. You were keeping me updated. You were fucking there. Yeah, you're right up there. Your buddy that was punishment for finishing last place in a fancy football league, right? Correct.

He had to fight rough and rowdy. And he won. And he won. That's crazy. He did win. On like three week notice. Yeah. And he was pretty erratic though, right?

He's athletic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Can we talk about the post Houston party? Yes. I don't think we've ever talked about the post. Oh, yeah. Let's finish with that.

This is the first time that we saw Jared and Blake. That's really when the sparks started to find this relationship. Where should we start? We almost burned down the house, making Totino's at three in the morning. Blake was staring at the oven for about two hours. At the farst of the last three in the morning. The next morning at like nine in the morning, I think you texted me.

You're like, hey, where's Blake? I was like, I don't fucking know. And you're like, well, we have a plane. Ready to fly. And we can't find him. It wasn't like, I showed up on time. You showed up on time. But you're the last person you heard from me until like.

Till the time. Yeah. It was like the situation like his phone died and he fell asleep. And we're like, I hope he makes it. He burnt his mouth with Totino's. We said that for like two weeks. Yeah. What's really impressive is that your phone was dead

and you still managed to find your way to the airport at like 9 30 in the morning. I don't think I could do that in any city. Yeah. Yeah. I don't really remember how I got there. Navigate your way to the airport. That's impressive.

That was a good night. That was, yeah, Blake just stare. I do remember that. I'm just staring at the oven. There was smoke coming out of the oven. I was inside. He's staring at it. Walk outside.

Did the whole loud Sean basketball thing for two hours. Go back inside and he's still in there. And there's like kind of smoke coming out. But he's just like. I like him crispy. And I feel like we didn't have the oven on. He's just like staring at it. I feel like the first hour we just didn't have the oven on.

He's very complicated. Yeah, I couldn't figure it out. I remember I left too late and he was like, he was like not doing well. And I left pretty late and I was like, Blake, like 11 a.m. tomorrow. Like you're going to be like, yeah, yeah, I got you. I'm like, all right.

It was such a funny text to be like, hey, do you know where Blake like, what the fuck? Why would I know where he is? Well, I think I was already in the airport. You guys might have still been going. Oh, I was already at the airport. No, we got the hell out of there on Saturday morning. We were going to flat on Sunday and we were like,

fuck that. Let's just get out. Yeah, we were gone, gone. All I remember for that night was me and Paul standing out back, just hanging out and we just looked across the pool and Dave was having fun in his bedroom. Oh, yeah, that's right. You saw him too much.

Dave getting a blow job. So we'll end there. That's perfect. He's told the story. So I feel fine. I've heard that story. Yeah, he likes to say it out loud. So that exact story.

Yeah. He's like Blake. Well, he's proud to see me get a blow job. Although he was like petrified because he immediately closed the blind. Yeah, that's a normal move to do. But yeah, that was that was a good time. But hopefully you guys are in the Super Bowl again this year.

Hopefully you missed rough and rowdy for a good cause. And hopefully Hank has learned his lesson and won't talk trash about it. Actually, wait. Why did I say hopefully? I don't want you to be in the Super Bowl. I want the Bears to be in the Super Bowl, but I want you to have success.

If you have to go to Chicago. I'd rather have the Rams in January. You're already crying about that. You are. Blake's not coming. Blake will be like, I'm not going. It's 20 like 10 degrees. Yeah, I know anything in our 50s still.

That's why he's in LA. He likes the weather. Yeah, exactly. Calibros to the max. A final question. If I get arrested at Super Bowl media day and you guys are at it, are you going to finally do something and step in this time?

I didn't know you got arrested till after. Get dragged away like a political prisoner. I did. No, I did. No. Yeah, I did. You got detained. No, I got escorted downstairs by NFL security.

Who here has been arrested? And the FBI question. PFT at Super Bowl media day. That's it? No, I've been arrested. I've never been arrested. I've been arrested. I've been arrested three times.

Underage drinking. Kind of a bad boy, part of my take. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Damn. Pretty cool. I don't know if I'm interested.

At a dog show at Super Bowl media day. And then for drunken public on St. Patrick's Day. Oh, fuck. Oh, you're counting the dog show? Yeah, the dog show. Dog show is probably my biggest. Two of these are not even real arrests. No, man.

Dude, if you get detained at a dog show, that counts as being arrested. Oh, man. That was actually good seeing you there at media day, though, because it was like very boring and like the same question over and over. And then I saw you and I was like, oh, this is kind of fun. Yeah, media sucks.

Yeah. I feel bad. Actually, I feel bad for the athletes that have to sit up there and answer the questions, because it's supposed to be like a fun night for them in theory. Like, I guess it used to be fun. And now it's just like, sit up here and try not to say anything stupid.

Wait, I have one final question now that I'm thinking about it. We're obviously going to, you've already listened to us talk to Sean McVeigh, but I want to hear from you. Was there any moment where he came up to you and was like, these guys won't stop passing me about a Super Bowl box? Oh, throughout that week? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. We, we joked about it. He was like, man, I might have to do it. I mean, they're kind of, they're going to be a man of my word. Yeah. Uh, I guess he wasn't. No, we were, we probably would have, we were at a time.

We would have been like, no, we want to go back. Yeah. Okay. Well, he's got to do something for you guys at least. I guess the interview that you guys did a few days ago will work. Yes. Yeah.

We definitely smooth things out then. Yeah. So we have a box seat to every Rams game this year. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's the promise.

There are boxes. There are boxes. Okay. I have a box. You guys are, you guys are welcome. Really? You got a box? Oh, shit.

2019. Okay. The Bears play out here. Yeah, but they do. They do. They do. All right. So we might.

Like, yeah, yeah. Mitch is a friend. Yeah. You can go to his box. Okay. Well, he doesn't have a box. And he's not. I'm not in his guest house right now.

So. True. I'll go in Blake's box. Yeah. In the parking lot. That interview with Blair Gordles was brought to you by Bomphill. Bomphill is an easier way for men to get better clothes.

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at G-E-T-Q-U-I-P dot com slash P-M-T. Okay, let's get some segments. We've got to break the moose real quick. Breaking Moose. LeBron's watching The Godfather again. Oh shit, here we go. So he decided to just give up on the book and watch the movie.

The book's going to be put in the cooler for a minute. He's watching The Godfather. He probably just left it on Instagram stories. He probably just left the book in his wine cooler. It was like a little wine fridge that he's got. I mean, it is playoff season. It is. Might as well watch The Godfather.

Also, I wanted to bring this up when we were talking about the Raptors earlier. Did you see the electric celebration that they had after they won Game 6 in downtown Toronto? Yeah. People flooded out into the streets and then when the light turned green, they all neatly and orderly walked to the sidewalk

to allow the cars to pass. Yes, yeah. That freaking moose was brought to you by Chocomilk for real coverage. It tastes real good. Thanks, Chocomilk. Speaking of Toronto, we should do a quick this league for Kwai's sister,

posting an Instagram that had someone in the background be like, what did the person say? She was talking about how people were like, thank you, Kwai, Toronto loves you, blah, blah, blah. And then allegedly, his uncle was in the background like, they know damn well he's not going to be here next year. Counterpoint. Everybody's got a loudmouth uncle that you don't really trust.

Kwai didn't want to take the trophy. Counter, counterpoint. Kwai literally only listens to that loudmouth uncle. That was the whole San Antonio thing. He was only listening to his uncle. Okay. Counter, counter, counterpoint. It was like Kwai and his uncle.

Yeah, you're right. Derek and Reggie Rose. Yeah, you're right about that. Okay, so Kwai to Los Angeles confirmed. Yes, yes, pretty much. The uncle definitely knows. It is, it is funny because we're at the point now where everyone's like with every shot Kwai makes,

they're like, well, he's more likely to stay in Toronto now. It's like, dude, he's already made up his mind one way or the other. Well, if he's going to stay here, he's going to leave. That's already been decided. What if they, I could see him changing his mind if they win a championship. No, I seriously think it's still the same.

Like if he's going to leave, he's already gone. Wait, but Toronto can offer more money, right? No, I don't think so. Okay, never mind. There goes my last half-baked. It's, yeah, I think he's gone no matter what. Yeah, you're probably right. Yeah, well, I shouldn't say no matter what.

I think he's made up his mind already no matter what. Like he could, there could be a world where he's like, I really love it in Toronto, but losing or winning the finals won't change that. I could see, I could see Kwai really enjoying Toronto. Yeah, Toronto's a great fucking city. It is a good city and it's a perfect city for him. Although he doesn't love the cold.

I heard that from his uncle. Okay. Well, you can go on vacation in the summertime, somewhere warm. Yeah, but the wintertime, you have to be there. That's true, but you're going to be playing anyways. Yeah, but like walking to the arena and shit, that fucking sucks. I mean, he can drive. He could drive.

They probably have a parking lot at the arena for the players. Yeah, I can't go outside though. Or he could live in his like 30 million dollar house he just bought in San Diego. I just really wish Rob Ford was still here. Yeah, I know to see all this. He'd be eating wings. The mayor's bet between Rob Ford and whoever the mayor of Oakland is.

That would be something. Nope. Thought I had it for a second, but I definitely don't. Nope. March on Lynch. What if he just cocked the mayor of Oakland and was like, March on Lynch, you're the mayor. Yeah, I just want to bet against you.

Yes, yeah. Skittles versus Buffalo wings. I was going to say crack. Yeah. Well, the crack is underneath the Buffalo wing. The trick is the trick is if Rob Ford tried to bet somebody crack, he would just he would keep it. You know, if you lost, he'd be like, Oh, sorry, it's gone.

I don't know. I lost it. All right. We have a speaking of illegal drug use. We have a bad visual for if any Kuznetsov, your Washington capital of any Kuznetsov. Evgeny. Evgeny Kuznetsov.

He pulled an OBJ. So he was in a hotel room and there were like, there was cocaine matter or cocaine resembling that matter. It could have just been ice. Literally, it could have been ice shavings. Right next to him, right next to him on like a mirror, cut up into two nice little strips. So he's saying that he has never done illegal drugs.

And when he saw the illegal drugs in a room with strange women, he left. So I'm taking Kuznetsov out his word here. So that's the bad visual, by the way. The bad visual is not taking, having an Instagram with Coke on the table. You're a professional athlete. You just won this.

I think this was from last summer, maybe. It was from Vegas after they won the cup. Yeah. Jared Stoltenhoes, like that should happens after you win a cup. Yeah. But. Or if you're just a Miami Office of Line coach. The bad visual is him saying when I was aware of the video,

I immediately left the room. Yep. What the fuck? Yeah. That's what that's a decision making. Yeah. Like, ew, what's with all these women in Coke after I win the cup?

I'm out of here. Yes. I can confirm I was there at the time. I was not in that room. But I did not see any drug. I don't think that there were any drugs in Las Vegas. This is such a funny sentence to read. Kuznetsov told the Russian media site

that the video was taken last summer after the capitals won the Stanley Cup and that he left the room as soon as possible after seeing unfamiliar women and strange substances on the table. Was he Mike Pence? By the way, he left the room as soon as possible. That's obviously after the Coke was done. Yeah. So he got the fuck out of there.

Yeah. He's like, OK, now I can leave. Just put this Coke away. This party sucks. Yeah. There's no more Coke. So I left and the women were strangers to me. As soon as possible.

It's so perfect there. Well, we had to finish the Coke. Yeah. He's always been a second line guy. Oh, man. That was like 2.75 balls. That's pretty good. Yeah.

There were two lines there. So that's 2.75. Yeah. There were two lines. I ripped the balls. Tune into our burger review on Thursday. Yeah. So we did a burger review on Zac Efron's YouTube page,

which are some words that I never thought would come out of my mouth. But we, yeah, we reviewed the burgers on the patented Glinney balls. Was it 1-2-5 balls? Zac had no idea what we were doing. Nope. On that part.

He knew whatever we were doing on everything else, but the balls. All right. Dad-to-dad, LeBron James has let his son, Brony Jr., on Instagram. Finally. Our long national nightmare is over. LeBron James' son is now posting.

Yes. So also- Do you think him and his wife are going to go through his son's DMs the way any parent would? Well, here's what I don't understand. You know that he is just going to get flooded. Here's what I don't understand. Flooded.

I thought he was on Instagram. It turns out he just has a million Instagram fan accounts. So that means I was DMing with a random person. That's so, it's so creepy that you were- Yes. You thought you were DMing with a 17-year-old boy. I mean, it turns out it was a fan account of a 17-year-old boy. 14 more.

That's creepy. I was trying to get, sorry, at all costs. I was trying to get LeBron on the show. I would rather have Brony Jr. on the show than LeBron. Can you imagine growing up with LeBron James as your dad? How surreal your life is? And half the time that your dad's at home, he's just walking around screaming into his phone,

making an Instagram story. Didn't LeBron say something ridiculous last year where he was like, I don't want everyone to put pressure on my kid? Bro, you named him LeBron James Jr. He was happy that he chose a different number because he didn't want him to choose LeBron's number. Yeah.

Because otherwise people might connect the dots and realize that that's LeBron James' son. LeBron also just didn't want his son to supersede his playing level with that same number. I will say it's going to be cool when they play together in the NBA. Because that's how long LeBron's staying in the NBA. And that will be a cool moment. Because everyone remembers Ken Griffey Jr. and Senior playing together.

Did you see Draymond got in on the comments? No. Did not listen to LeBron James when LeBron said like, be nice to him or else we're going to roll up. So I guess LeBron James is like threatening to murder anybody. Oh, he's watching the guys out there. But Draymond said, I'm going to be at your fucking neck. That's so good.

That's so good. Yeah, again, it says fuck yes. I bet you LeBron James Jr. thinks that Draymond's a way cooler dad than LeBron is. Yeah, for sure. He's like, I want to go hang out with Uncle Draymond. Once you hit that like 13, 14 years old, you're like, every dad is cooler than your dad.

Yeah, especially like for a four or five year stretch, especially the one that's kind of fucked up and always like angry at people and drinking too much. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. No, it's not about Draymond. Oh, yeah. Draymond would be a top five uncle of professional athletes right now.

Yeah. Hank hot in the streets. So Hank hot in the streets. It's similar to Mount Rushmore season kind of, but tears. Yeah. Tear maker has hit the streets. Making tears is pick a category similar to Mount Rushmore season. Just pick a category and then put the things into tears.

Go on Twitter. Go viral. I'm going to do this tomorrow. That's my whole day is going to be spent mashing memes and tears together. I got in. We'll cook some up. That's what you should do is you should make tears of memes.

That's what I'm going to do. Yeah, like this is an elite meme. But I'm not going to use any of the memes correctly. Yeah. Right. I made one with states and boy, it's shocking how many people will argue over a list of states. I mean, this is like when I do the power rankings of five and seven teams

in the NFL and everyone's like, how could you rank my five and 17 below this team? It's like, dude, that's a fucking joke. Yeah. I also I learned today that people will be very upset about rankings of Pennsylvania and Ohio as they relate to one another. Like people from Pennsylvania, as long as they can be Ohio and something, big rival, then they're good. And vice versa.

And I put Illinois in my second tier. Okay. As a state just because I like the city of Chicago in the summertime. Right. But people are big mad. Apparently, Illinois is not a well like state, even by people that live inside of Illinois. So I think there were people like from Chicago being like, yo, Illinois is way too high. I mean, as a full on state, it's like it's got a not a lot beside Chicago.

Lovey Smith. Yeah. Lovey Smith. Champagne. I believe this started from anime and like comic book Twitter. So you should you should do one of those and get those people going. Well, I think the Illinois thing is by the way, the best. The Looney Teeth.

Illinois. Wait, were you ranked second tier? Second. That's correct. I feel like we're always never going to be on the same level as California's, the Florida's, the Hawaii, like people with like nice warm weather and beaches and all that shit. And Louisiana, I put that on there too. As I don't know about that.

Louisiana, Illinois is pretty much who cares. Pretty much the same. Except less oil in Illinois. That's yeah, that's true. And they fry everything in Louisiana. Um, yeah, both state governments are extremely corrupt. True. Which is a good that's a sign of a vital state government.

It is. You can be bought at any moment. If your government kicks so much ass that people will cheat, murder, kill and lie to get in positions of power. Yeah. That means that it's just they just wanted a lot because it's awesome. I actually had, I worked like hand in hand with a woman at the Department of Buildings in Chicago in my former life that got arrested for corruption.

Department of Buildings. Yeah. That's a sick department. I mean, everyone's, yeah, it was got a department of buildings and they, and my boss had to sit me down and be like, did you ever give her a bribe? And I was like, no, but I wish I had no. Because I would have. Like, like, yeah, that actually makes you feel like shit.

Yeah. She thought that you were so poor, right. That she didn't even think to approach you to ask you for money. I was just going in there being like, can you do this pay? Like, can you sign off this, you know, certificate of occupancy and shit? And I could have bought her off and made my life easy. That sucks. Sucked a lot.

Yeah. Listen, if anybody out there is a bribe taker and you see me, at least solicit me for a bribe. Yeah, right. Just at least be like, just, just give me a wink. Yeah. So I know. Just what, just ask me to wet the vehicle.

I will bribe. I probably won't, but I would, it would be nice to be offered. They don't get the bribe giver never gets in trouble, right? True. No, that's true. I know how the Turkish government works. Bribe taker is the one who gets busted. Yeah.

The bribe giver is just that's doing business. Yeah. And it's also just generous. Right. Right. If it's, listen, here's a little pro tip to everybody out there in the business world. If it's inside of a birthday card, you can give anybody money for whatever. That's what it was.

It was like a $200 inside of birthday card. Yeah. When they busted it. Exactly. Yeah. It was fucking hilarious. If it's inside of a birthday card, it's just a present for their birthday. Yeah.

It was a thrilling moment. Oh, I'm sorry. Is it illegal in the United States of America to help somebody celebrate a birthday and to wish them a happy year of health? Yes. Dude, it was thrilling though to be that close to like government corruption. That is crazy. I was there.

I was sitting at the doorstep and I was the idiot who didn't get involved. When I was working in Texas, one of their big department of agriculture people was he ran an entire industry and branch of the government that was devoted to counting peanuts. Literally counting peanuts. Okay. Peanut counter. Yeah. And it turns out that the project that he was using our company for was just a big waste of money for him.

So he was taking about 75% of the money he said was going to our company and just hanging on to all that for himself. It's a pretty fucking sweet scheme if you can get it. That is sweet. Real, real sweet. And that was talking peanuts. Government corruption in various states in America. All right.

Last up, Tuesday reading. So it's not Monday. It's Tuesday. Yeah. Same guy who fell asleep on the couch. It is Tuesday. So don't worry about it because you probably got into work and you're telling everyone how bad your Monday is. All right.

This comes from the guy named Joey Salads who is Saladino for Congress. Is he a fantasy fuck boy? Is he really 50? Is he really running for office? Yeah. Okay. Where? Staten Island.

Where do you say? Okay. Joey Salads. So this is on the heels of the abortion debate on Twitter like two weeks ago? I would say the debate was mostly in state legislators. But yes, there was also a debate on Twitter. Oh, people debated on Twitter. Yes.

They took it to the Twitter streets. So Joey Salads wrote, this is he has a tweet thread. So we'll start at the top. I have had sex thousands of times. Fuck. Not one pregnancy. Pull out, condom, birth control, cycle planning. That sounds like steroids by the way.

Cycle planning. But even if it all fails, I'm prepared for the girl to get pregnant because it is one of the outcomes of having sex. Two out of those three things don't work that he said. Pull out condom and birth control. Cycle planning. I don't you're just cycle planning is like waiting for the cycle to end. I think Joey Salads in his mind, if a woman's on her period, he just like he stays away from women for like a week at a time. Right. Well, no, you'd want to have sex with them like while they're on their period because they can't get pregnant.

Oh, yeah. Good call. There's nothing more romantic than cycle planning with your girlfriend. Sperm. Don't swim up river. When can we have sex this month? Let's put it on a calendar. Really get the really get the love going there. If you have an app on your phone that tells you when you can fuck, that's actually the hottest thing.

Also, fuck everyone who's like pull out. Dude, it's not that easy. Let's just say that. You would know. It's not that. Yeah, it's not that easy. Pull out. People who like, oh, yeah, pull out like cool, man.

You can control things. Good for you. All right. Then he then he starts to get spot. He starts to spiral because he realizes that tweet was utterly ridiculous. He says, I love all the comments. By the way, this is a really good just tale for Twitter. If someone says I love and then something, they in fact do not love it.

Yeah, that's a Danny canal special. I love all the comments acting like, yeah, okay, you have sex. One, you're not original. Two, I have a girlfriend, a few exes. Wow. That's more than a couple. Three, Chamberlain over here. Three, I am 25.

If you aren't having a lot of sex in your 20s, then that is just set. I feel like it is just people protecting their own sad sex life. I don't know about that, man. I think it's just really weird to talk about how much sex you've had on Twitter. I think it's just saying like you're bragging that your pullout game is so strong. Actually admitting that you've never gotten on point pregnant when your main, your main point is just pulling out. That tells me you've got, you got beta sperm, bro.

Yeah, you do. You got a little tiny, like dead fish in there. Six, six cycle planning, beta sperm. That's Joey Salads. He goes on to continue. By the way, I respect people who wait till marriage or the right person. Nice little throw in there. No, because he just said that if you're not having sex throughout your 20s, that's very sad.

Yeah, but he's taking it back for the people who are waiting for marriage. They said, never thought having sex with girlfriends was such a controversial thing. Doesn't everybody have sex? After seeing these left-wingers respond, I think I'm the only one. You are the only one. Yep, Joey Salads. How does that work if you're the only person having sex? That'd be a pretty sick gag to pull in like a Truman Show type thing.

If Joey Salads was the main character of a Truman Show, and nobody else fucking you just taught him growing up, like, this is what you're supposed to put your penis inside of a couch. Yeah, and he was like fucking, and it was just not a thing. That would be funny. This is great though, because if he's the only one having sex, then he is definitely counting masturbating as part of his thousand, right? Right and left hand.

Yes. It all makes sense now. Nobody else is getting laid, and he posted a culture magazine article that said, why are young people having so little sex? Fortnite. Because who wouldn't believe the classic weekly magazine article that says, millennials have ruined X, Y, or Z? I need Joey Salads to teach a health class ASAP.

Okay, here we go. This is when it gets good. All seriousness, it's not thousands, but definitely over 1,000. Just by doing some quick math of how long I've been in and out of relationships, and how many times we banged in a day, yeah, easy 1k. Bro, you're having sex multiple times a day? I like the idea of Joey Salads having like a whiteboard pulled up behind him, and he's on speakerphone calling all his ex-girlfriends, asking them three.

Okay, how many times would you say that we fucked over the course of a day, like a good weekend day? Okay, so Cynthia, I probably fucked her 3.6 times a week for 10 weeks. That's one, all right? He's going through all the math. I'm starting to do the math. You know what he's done? He's incepted everybody to try to do their own math.

Yeah, he's also basically. I've had sex dozens of times. The real life version of our good friend, Uncle Chaps, when he's like, I've had sex with my wife over a thousand times. He's doing that, but for real. Point of the treat was to just show that if you take all possible precautions, you can avoid pregnancies as much as possible, showing that it also comes from experience.

I feel like my luck is running out and the odds are stacking up against my favor, so don't be surprised. He is talking during like a no-hitter. So he's pre-latently wishing himself, like, congrats on the baby that you're going to have. How funny would that be? He's playing Russian roulette and every other chamber is filled with sperm right now. How funny would it be if he was just infertile? He's like, I've just been having, like he finds out in like five years

when he tries to have kids. It's like, shit. Yeah. I've had sex thousands of times and I thought it was just my pullout game. My personal responsibility isn't as good as I thought it would. Maybe it's all that pre-workout that I chugged when I was 23 years old. All right. Finishing up, he says, to be honest, this is all so stupid.

This was supposed to be just a throwaway tweet, but everyone blew it up. LOL. Didn't know sex was such a big deal to people. I guess it is hard for some and that's what makes this so unbelievable. Sex is the biggest deal for everyone. Yeah. You didn't realize that sex was a big deal, Joey Salads? It's the ultimate.

It is the deal. Also, a great way to not ever get anybody pregnant is to wear these workout shoes. And more effective studies have shown that wearing these weird looking calf raised shoes, 99.999% effective against premature births. When you rip your Achilles, we can get scooters again. All right. Cool. Yeah.

So at least we got that going, of course. Yeah. I like that. Also, a good way to not have sex is to do a whole tweet thread and melt down about how much sex you have. That is pretty good. Finishing up, so many soy boys in my mentions, like level 10 soy boys getting a huge kick out of this. He should have done, he's tear-making for soy boys. What is it?

What's a level 10 soy boy? That sounds like a one-man-throw ride quote. Yeah. Where does soy boy rank above or below pajama boy? The guy that was like Obama tweeted out back in 2014. Yeah. He's like, talk to your parents about healthcare this holiday season. What about blog boys?

Are we below or above level 10 soy boys? I feel like blog... Brought out as joy boys. Joy boys. Joy boys, okay. I feel like blog boys were above soy boys. You mean we're better than? Better than soy boys.

Not worse. I don't know what a soy boy is if I'm being honest. I don't either. Why is this even a thing LOL? Oh, just Spanish for I'm a boy. Yes. Yo, soy boy. Gotta turn my Twitter notes off because I only get the notes from verified accounts

and they all super soy. That's actually... Your face triggers me. That's a sicker bragging about how much you have sex. Yeah. It's like I only get notifications from other verifies. Jesus Christ. No wonder this guy's getting laid.

What a meltdown. I fucking love Joey. Can I vote for Joey's talents? You have to move to statin' Island. Just be like I'm only voting for Joey Salad's the sex guy. He looks like he is like 15 years too late from being in Shane Omaq's posse for the WWE. Joey Salad's first YouTuber to run for office. Two point.

Oh, wow. That's good. Okay. Well, first of all, how do you make the distinction of who a YouTuber is? I know. It's that's a great one though. Because you tell me Jesse Ventura doesn't count as a YouTuber? Right.

Right. Oh my God. His hair. Look at him dude. He really is from the from the from the Greenish Street posse. Okay. So yeah. First you heard his bio.

Two thousand glues. Oh, Jesus. His bio first YouTuber to run for office. That sounds like a line from from the curse guy. Lil be the base guy. Doesn't he have that in his bio too? We got to get him on the show. Can we get Joey Salad's on just to make fun of him?

Oh, he definitely is one of those guys. You can make fun of him and he wouldn't realize we're making fun of him. Statin' Island and Brooklyn. So yeah, you might be able to vote for him. Okay. I'm a vote for Joey Salad's. Yeah. He's like Pete gas and what's his name?

Why is it Joey abs? Jesus. And Joe Joey Salad's. He looks like the kind of guy that would sue McDonald's for running a happy meal. The toys. Not the actual meals. The toys. The toys.

Listen, I came here because I need to get my he-man doll with the action arm. It's false advertising. He's been playing monopoly on on McDonald's. Super-sized fries for the last 15 years. He looks like he's gotten like 17 park places. He's like, I'm so close. He looks like if me and Joey Fatone fucked. Fuck.

Joey Salad's. I'm gonna throw him the follow. I'm gonna throw Joey Salad's a follow. Anyone who's the first YouTuber to run for office. Fuck you, Joey Salad's. You got me, man. I probably hate you, but you know what? Hit us up and we'll make fun of you on the show.

All right, that's our show. We'll see everyone tomorrow. Zac Efron. Love you guys. It's part of my take presented by Barstool Sports.