Pardon My Take - Rob Gronkowski, MNF Recap, And Uncle Chaps Reading Guys On Chicks

Episode Date: September 11, 2019

Joe Flacco stinks and the Oakland black hole is the last place for true NFL fans. Deshaun Watson and Bill O'Brien's fuck up. (2:35-19:31) Hot Seat/Cool Throne including the new iPhone causing Trypophobia, and can Bama beat the Dolphins?(19:32-31:20) Retired NFL Tight End Rob Gronkowski joins the show to talk about his retirement, the end of 69 jokes, playing in big games, Tom Brady, and whether or not he ever made Bill Belichick laugh.(33:57-1:10:10) Segments include Just Chill Out Man for Mike Greenberg,(1:14:09-1:15:27) Sabermetrics Kevin Durant's new number,(1:15:28-1:17:06) Sports Biz Minute,(1:17:07-1:18:07) and Guys on Chicks with Uncle Chaps. (1:18:08-1:39:43)You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music. On today's part in my take, Future Hall of Famer, Rob Gronkowski. We've been wanting to have this interview for a long time. He finally came in, and it was great. It was great. It did not disappoint.

Gronk is just a ball of energy and joy. He's a drug. He's a drug. Being around him, you get a contact, Rob. It's great. It's incredible. We have Gronk in studio, little Monday night football cleanup, little hot seat cool throne, and our longtime friend, Uncle Chaps, joins us to read some guys on chicks and have a

lot of laughs. Very, very funny. Before we get to all of that, pardon my take is brought to you by the Cash App. The Cash App is the most powerful way to send, spend, and save. You already know the Cash App is the number one finance app in the App Store. What you might not know is that you can also put Cash App in your wallet with the Cash Card. It's the only debit card that offers instant rewards and comes packed with premium features

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Okay, let's go! Welcome to part of my take presented by the Cash App. Go download it right now. Put in code BARSTOOL. You get $5 for free, $5 to ASPCA. Today is Wednesday, September 11th, and Joe Flacco fucking stinks. No, let's slow down. Let's slow down.

He stinks. This is not fair. It's not fair that you blindsided me with this right off the jump. He stinks. Who knows how many yards Flacco could have thrown for against the Dolphins? The Denver Broncos traded. They willingly traded for Joe Flacco. Hmm?

Fact. Yes, that's a fact. Listen, the Raiders weren't going to lose last night. It could have been anybody. It could have been the 85 Bears out there. It could have been the 2007, 2008 Patriots, the one where they lost to Eli. It could have been that team out there. The Raiders were going to be on a mission from the get-go.

You had... Here's the thing about the NFL. Let me explain something to you. Oh, okay, yeah. Wow. Here we go. Now, pull up a chair. Tell me how the Dolphins are going to be good.

Pull up a chair. In the NFL, every team is filled with good players. If I were to put this like Ron Jaworski, every NFL team has NFL players, except for the Dolphins. Right. They're not very good. But they spent the entire week hearing about Antonio Brown, hearing about how they were going to suck, how they had no hope, they were lost as a franchise.

Any time that happens, especially before a Monday night game, the team's going to be motivated to play a little bit extra hard, especially if you got John Gruden as your coach. That was a team that was going to beat anybody. Okay. So with all that said, how could they... How could you say they're going to beat anyone and they only won by a touchdown? Like, they didn't kill him.

Yeah. Joe Flacco stinks. He's bad. He shouldn't be a starting quarterback in the NFL anymore. John Alway likes him because he's tall and he throws... He still throws a nice looking ball, but it's just nothing else is good. Problem with Joe Flacco. That little fucking throw that he made when it was...

He had a wide open guy in the flat and he threw it to his near shoulder and just made him... Joe Flacco made his wide open receiver stumble and fall because of how poorly he placed the ball. Because the pass was thrown so hard. A three yard pass. A three yard pass to the flats he couldn't do it. Well, here's the deal with Joe Flacco.

Right when he sucks the most is about when he's about to be great the most. No. So he's like the son. He's been bad for like five years now. It's always darkest before the dawn. Listen, I know that I agree that the Raiders were extra motivated, but man does Joe Flacco stink and the... I don't know.

Like you got to go Drew Lock now. Well, he's hurt. Oh, he is? Yeah, Drew Lock hurts. So they don't really have it. Get Paxton Lynch back on the team. Get Paxton Lynch or Splash Kelly. The ghost of Splash Kelly is haunting me.

They probably should have thought about doing something different at quarterback last night. He was not playing well. The funniest thing that he did by far. If the Bears lose to Joe Flacco, I'm going to have a meltdown. I've already agreed to it. I'm going to have a meltdown. Have and forbid. A live on the air meltdown.

Oh, Vic Fangio. Is that a Sunday night game? Okay, Vic Fangio. Let's talk about it again. No, no, no. It's Sunday afternoon, 4.25. We're going to be live streaming. I will have a meltdown.

First did you see Joe Flacco try to do the Tom Brady quarterback sneak, like get him up to the line real quick and then run like a two yard sneak and the announcers were losing their shit. They're like, this is where the six, five body of Flacco comes so important. He got like negative one yard because he can't. He can't move forward. Correct. Joe Flacco can do a five step drop as clean as anybody, but you ask him to do anything

else. He starts to fuck it all up. Vic Fangio. First of all, it's tough when you're losing to have the belt, oh, like in the middle of your sweatshirt. That was a tough look. It looked like he was wearing like a mini skirt. It was a weird look.

So you first, that's just the look. That's a coordinator look. He's the head coach. Now you got to clean it up, Vic. You got to clean it up. I like Vic Fangio. I think he's a fantastic defensive coordinator. When he kicked that field goal down 21 six with 10, 10 minutes left in the fourth quarter,

you need two touchdowns no matter what. He kicked a field goal to then need two touchdowns no matter what. Yeah. John Gruden can count backwards from threes. Vic Fangio apparently can't. It's insane. Like what I don't understand what coaches like, why are you so afraid of not getting a fourth down when kicking a field goal is essentially admitting defeat there.

It's a punch that you happen to get credit for. You get three points for it. Big deal. You got to kick off again. Yeah, that was dumb. That's a first year coach. We're going to move right there. But Mike Tomlin did it too.

Yeah. He's going to look, I think to your point about the sweatshirt and the belt, he's built for cold weather. He's going to look better when he's got the big Mike Shanahan bubble jacket on. Tuck the sweatshirt in and you're fine. Wear it as a real belt. He had it mid-drift. Somebody told me he still has the kidney stone in there.

Oh. Like he just refused. In the belt? Yeah. Well, no, no. Saved it. That would be a very big fan too. Move.

Put on his necklace like a shark tooth. Instead of the game ball, you get to hold his little calcium deposit for a week. Yes. Yes. All right. So we're going to talk about the other Monday Night Game, but I have one more thought about this one. What the NFL is doing to the Raiders is absolute bullshit.

I'm going to miss Oakland fans so, so much. The Black Hole. Watching the Black Hole, watching, especially like that second Monday Night Game, it feels like the Raiders always play it. They should actually make that game in Oakland no matter what forever. Yeah. Because the Raider fans, just every single shot, every single camera shot to the crowd is art.

It really is. Like you had the guy in the Chucky mask. You had guys in space helmets, face paint. The Black Hole is something that you can't replicate and the NFL is robbing us of that. And I'm, I'm disgusted. I'm going to say it. I'm disgusted. The great thing about the Chargers Invades.

The great thing about the Black Hole is that everyone is wearing some sort of facial disguise or helmet of some sort, like it's an entire section of Daft Punk back there. You don't know who's under. It's like the Masked Singer. It could be Antonio Brown. You don't know. Yes. But I guarantee you there are some celebrities that attend Raiders games with helmets on that

you don't know. It could be Riley Curry. Guy Fieri. Underneath the Stormtrooper. Well, Guy Fieri lives his life. His face is a helmet. Yes. It's a natural disguise.

The fuck AB chant. Well, there's just something about Oakland that I feel like we're being robbed of one of the best fan bases and yeah, people say they'll travel. But listen, the Vegas Stadium is going to be beautiful. It's going to be state of the art. It's going to be gorgeous. No baseball field. No baseball field.

I'm going to miss that. Not only that, but the Black Hole. I don't understand like the physics behind a night game, having a huge shadow in the end zone. Like that end zone at the Black Hole, the Broncos had to start a drive from there. I couldn't even see. It's like it's like the I don't watch Star Wars. What is it?

The Death Star? Yep. I got it. Got that on the first one. It's just we're losing it. And I'm sad. It made me sad last night. I was enjoying so much watching that game.

Not for the game because it's stunk, but for the fans and credit Derek Carr. He was awesome. He was pretty good. And then after the game, he did the Derek Carr thing where he was like, I love AB. We're going to miss him. Sure. Yeah. Sure.

Derek Carr. Sure. But now we have now I have to spend the next week saying that Derek Carr is a class actor. You were just wearing some regular suntan lotion and not oiling your arms for hard knocks. Sure. John Gruden is your best friend in the entire world.

Sure. You were crying that time. You got hurt. And sure, you don't wear a mask. Yeah. Sure. It's not tattooed on just because it's on there permanently doesn't mean it's not makeup.

Sure. Having your kids literally fight each other for the first episode of hard knocks to show how tough the car family is wasn't totally planned. Sure. Sure. Your head's not a perfect sphere. Yeah. Sure.

And your bump though. That's well. Sure. Seven-year bump. That's what we're on. Six-year bump. Six-year bump. Six-year bump.

Sure. Seven-year slump. Six-year bump. Sorry. John Gruden high-fiving the black hole after the game was incredible. Yep. Just go. He did the penguin run.

Yes. Over the black hole. And he was like. Man, man, man. It was great. Yeah. And I actually in the worst part about it is like normally under these circumstances like you can look at owners that have moved teams in the past Stan Cronkey everyone

hates you know hates that guy you have Art Modell like Mark Davis can you really hate him. I don't even know if he knows they're moving. No you can't hate. No you can't. I love Mark Davis. So it's you don't even have anything you can point to and say that guy's evil. Mark Davis he just wants to go where there's more P.F. Changs.

I just want Mark Davis to watch every game from the Oakland Stadium in a lawn chair at midfield. We'd like a cooler just looking at the Jumbotron watching his team play like Cheetos on his white jeans and white shirt and just covering his hands in the Cheeto dust too. Yeah. Now the stadium is going to be way different. I don't think that the fans aren't going to travel from Oakland. No they'll travel but what you know I think they will I think the stadium is going to

be filled with a bunch of bachelor parties and bachelor parties all dressed up in costumes. No but what I'm saying is like Raider fans are everywhere I feel like in the West Coast area because they move from you know L.A. to Oakland. Let me tell you something about football. They move. They used to be in L.A. and then they were in Oakland and then back to L.A. yeah. So I think they will still have like Raider fans. It just the griminess will be gone and when the griminess leaves it feels weird.

You don't think there's going to be grimy Vegas local characters in the crowd. But when you go to a stadium that's state of the art and very new you feel a lot more out of place when you are dressed up like a fucking idiot. Yep. Yep. That's really what it comes down to. Having if our show our TV show that we did was on like the sports center set we would have looked like assholes and felt like assholes but we shot it in a basement in the back of

a van so it was fine. If you show up somewhere it's like a dive bar. You don't have to be wearing a shirt. You can do whatever you want. There are no laws when you're drinking claws. It's this thing where if you show up to a place yeah oh it's truly no there are truly no laws when you're drinking and I'm a respecter of law enforcement. That's why I'll never touch a white claw but yeah if you go to a nice new stadium it

doesn't feel the same at all. Feels too corporate. Right. It takes a soul out of it. All right. The other game. Joe Flacco sucks. Bill O'Brien sucks.

That guy he's got he's got to be the most mediocre coach who's been around forever. Can we blame it on the GM the lack thereof he is now. So the end of the game we should probably talk about the last pass that Drew Brees completed. To get them into field goal range they were given that soft cushion that Greg Williams like seven yard cushion and it was a prevent defense that was lined up there. If the Texans had just fallen down or if the Saints player had just fallen down and the Texans didn't touch him. If there were no Texans on the field during the last if all the Texans had been sucked

into the giant black hole could have gotten in the middle of Bill O'Brien's chin if he had just no because the Saints player caught the ball and fell down. He could have gotten up and ran for a touchdown if they had waited five seconds and gone up and touched him. They're back on the field. The game was over. No I was I was thinking the same exact thing. Yes.

But they had a timeout and I feel like the rest were just giving them the timeout. I feel like the rest would have fucked it up and given him the timeout. Like they would have he would have went down and just called timeout. It's not that's not basketball doesn't work like there it would have been no that's not how it is. But I get you don't think the rest can fuck up in the Superdome. Yes. Good point.

Good point. The natural reaction is if you went down and then Drew Brees was just going timeout timeout timeout the ref standing next to Drew Brees would give him a timeout. I think still bad coaching. No but yeah not not before the whistle was blown though. I think I'm saying they would have just blown the whistle and been like oh yeah here you go here's your timeout Drew. That would have been so ridiculous to have the game end on an officiating error but but

one against moves. You'll hear this in the interview but he tweeted it. Oh okay got it. Okay we'll get to that later in our interview with Rob Gronkowski. That was brought to you by Brick and Mills for real. Cover that tastes real good. Yes. Love it.

Sean Payton just loves Taysom Hill. I think he wants Taysom Hill to sleep in his bed with him. Yes he does. He like can't he can't stop using him. Yeah and it's almost like Sean Payton he has he has something in his brain where every like five minutes he's like wait haven't done a Taysom Hill play that's going to get minus three yards. Got to get Taysom in here for a second.

And then every now and then obviously it works and it's like oh man Taysom is a weapon. Bill Bryant so even that play though take that out of there. Bill Bryant does the most I don't understand what he does. I feel like he doesn't make any adjustments. I feel like he does the like he does the classic thing where a guy will rip off a big run and then he'll make that guy run right in the line again and it's like okay well maybe he's gassed like maybe we shouldn't do this. He does weird stuff like that.

It feels like to Sean Watson is always running for his life is always in a spot where he's going to get killed. With that said I have a new bone to pick with Twitter something that's really been driving me nuts. Go off. The people who are like Bill O'Brien is going to ruin to Sean Watson and treat it like it is the worst thing that's ever happened and that there's never been a quarterback in the NFL that's been ruined by a head coach of the Texans.

Shut up. Yeah. It's they are so melodramatic about it. Oh my God. The Sean Watson he's being ruined. Guess what this happens all the time in the NFL. Also if the Texans had won last night they were pretty close to winning. We probably wouldn't even be having this conversation about how bad Bill O'Brien sucks.

Maybe. Yeah. But we'd be you know how we get. Right. We know how we we lather ourselves up about stuff all the time if they won that game you would not be talking about Bill O'Brien. I think we probably we probably would be because they won but they also gave up. They were in control in the first half and then it feels like anytime a team just like

essentially just gives up the second half lead like that. I'm always like what was the coach doing in half time. I did like the under Hopkins to Plexlow. That's illegal. And the Saints fans talk about grimy fans. I was electric. Yes. The boom.

Yes. Was one of the best whistle head man Deandre Hopkins doesn't get enough credit for one of the coolest nicknames. Nuke Nuke is such a fucking cool nickname. Yeah. So when he body slammed the defender which I believe that each team should get one body slam a game just like you get one body slam I think it was worth the penalty because you suplex a guy then defenders are less likely they'll think twice before catching interception.

Yes. And yeah right because Nuke could come. Yeah. Nuke's Nuke's Nuke's around. I like that rule just like everybody gets one egregious penalty per game. Vontez Berfek becomes an impact player again. Oh dude what was with money and football being like Vontez Berfek is a leader. He's a smart player.

Yes. That was just. He's changed. They're a key pickup. That was the strangest storyline they were trying to push that Vontez Berfek all of a sudden is like this super intelligent guy who doesn't get personal foul penalties every other game. They didn't say that though.

They said he's a leader. They don't say what he's leading them to do. He's a leader in some way. That's true. That's true. Yeah. When Bill Romanowski gives you his stamp of approval at that point you gotta say this guy knows what it's all about.

Vontez Berfek is like the opposite of a smart player. He is a total like I'm going to do what I'm going to hit whatever's in front of me at any point. Well you can use those guys but I wouldn't say he's some savvy player that knows how to like game the system. The Raiders probably love him now because of his history knocking AB out all the time. Yeah. True.

So yeah maybe he is a smart. Maybe he saw that coming. So the only other thing I had was Deshaun Watson is unbelievable and yes all your tweets saying that the Bears dropped the Mr. Biscay instead of Deshaun Watson or Patrick Mahomes I see them. They hurt my feelings. Stop sending them. Please.

My nightmare. You know what my nightmare is. Both of them. The Texans and the and the Chiefs are playing this year. That's going to be awesome. I'm not. I'm like Jason Whitlock. My account is going to be 54 51 Whitlock deleting his entire account because he put all the

money. God God don't like ugly. God don't like ugly. He hates. He hates Mr. Biscay immortal locked immortal locked the Steelers and then accidentally deleted his account. Hmm. It slips sometimes.

Yeah. But seriously stop sending those tweets. Please. Barstlegold.com slash PMT. Gronk is on the show. You're going to want to watch it. And chaps is I and chaps is I. Yeah.

Oh yeah. The segment is going to pop a lot more if you can look at chaps directly in his red red eye. I want to toss in this one extra quote Gruden just put this out here right now. Gruden did not realize that it was his hundredth career win until after the game feels like Gruden should have more than a hundred years or a hundred wins right. Yes. Right.

I mean you took some time off because then you do the math. It's hard to get a hundred wins like you actually do the math. Yeah. It's very hard to get 10 wins for a decade is that's a long time. That's true. Okay. So it was a hundredth win last night and he said I thought about going to Hooters and calling it go out on a high note.

So just does that mean just like go to Hooters and die of Corona poisoning. Yeah. Just kind of find a warm stool just yet climb under a table and just slowly melt lay down drown yourself in Corona and wing sauce. I don't hate that. That's a football guy. Way to go. It's not worse places to die.

Yeah. I agree. Yeah. All right. Let's do our hot seat cool throne Hank. Why don't you start. Why don't you start. No.

Why don't you start. Why don't you start. No. I'm ready. You on your phone. All right. Go. People with try phobia.

It's so easy to get it. Oh fuck. That was mine. I'll start. Wait. Wait. Wait. People with what?

Try. Try phobia. Try phobia. Try phobia. Try phobia. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. There's three cameras saw them in the new iPhone. So try phobia, which I didn't know this was a thing either. It's an aversion to the site of irregular patterns or clusters of small holes or bumps.

So because it's the three holes that are that are not all online. It's you know like a triangle. I hate that. It's fucking people up. And people are complaining that new iPhone is insensitive to people with try phobia. What percentage of population. It's actually not even officially recognized as a mental disorder.

Okay, so. So a lot of self-diagnosis going out there. Yeah, so people are being pretty extra being saying that the, you know, go buy an Android if you can't deal with the three cameras. Yeah, the phone, so it's got three cameras because they have three different lenses. I think Hank, Hank, were you talking about

something totally different? No, I was talking about that. I was confused, okay. No, I thought it was triphobia, but. Yeah, it's trypophobia. So what's the point of having three cameras besides, I mean, the fact that it's more than two. And slow-fies.

Slow-fies. What's a slow-fie? That's the new thing they announced, slow-mo selfies. Oh, fuck yes. With one of the cameras can do like slow-mo. Wait, but a selfie's a picture. But like for video.

So boomerang. Slow-fie. You can do a selfie video. Boomerang and slow-mo. Yeah. But yes, they have pet portrait mode that's specifically made for pet pictures. Built in for woofers?

Yeah. That's incredible. I'm really excited. I'm heckin' pumped about that. I'm gonna boop you, Steve Jobs. I saw, so, what is the purpose though of the three different lenses? Two are the same.

You're missing the matrix? Do they just keep adding cameras because they ran out of things to do? I'll see how they shot the matrix with like a million cameras on one. Yeah, it's gonna be a wall of cameras by the end because they're like, well, we ran out of space. They're just gonna build a room.

Yeah. Everyone can have a room that's just a wall of cameras that you can go into in the house. Yeah, exactly. I like that. Get here sooner rather than later. So trypophobia. My other hot seat is big time probably.

You know what they should do? They should put cameras on the sides of phones. So like if I'm holding it up. Like the skinny side? Yeah, like the old Super Sober that you could like point at somebody and they wouldn't know. They should make phones circular

so it's like a 360 cam. Like a ball. They should put them into your, I'm still waiting for the phone to be in your chip and your pinky and your thumb. So you make calls like this? Yes, boom. And you could just talk,

you'd be like, hey, text, and then that boom, that's the time. And you would have chipped in your brain that is showing what your visions are. What if we're the phones already? And we're all robots. And we just do have chips in our brains. That's like iPhone 20.

And every time you go to sleep, you're just plugging in your charger. How many cameras are in the iPhone we have right now? Two. Two. Yeah, so they just added a third one for the government. Okay, that one goes directly to Langley. Yeah, that's not even,

yeah, it's just they cut out the middle man. Okay. My other hot seeds ESPN, they got fucking cyber bullied so hard. Oh, good, they did. And had to remove their, they had a yellow, their first down graphic,

like showing the down in yardage was yellow. So it looked like there was a flag on every single play. Twitter was, and every, yeah, Twitter was just furious. They changed it at halftime. So they got bullied, which is a dangerous precedent for them to set. Yeah.

Listen, don't add anything to a football broadcast. Football broadcasts are perfect. I like them just the way they are. I like my green zone. And NBC and CBS already did it and got shit on board. That's the one thing. And then ESPN was like, oh, let's do that. That's the one thing that you can't do

is add yellow to a score bug. Or allow yellow on the field in any circumstances. Anywhere. Yes, anywhere. Just give me my down in distance that's displayed on the field. Give me my green zone. Give me my Genesis halftime show and I'll be happy.

Dude, the Genesis halftime show. It's nice. Did you see the encore? They just played it again. Yeah, do you guys know what Genesis is? Nope. I'm gonna make it my mission to go. I think that's a band.

I always thought the Genesis. No, it is Phil Collins. It's a car, I think. Yeah, but I think it's a car. It's Phil Collins driving a car. Yeah. And then my cool throw is Blake Griffin, the body. Okay, the Blake of the Year.

Yes. The Bodie. Bodie. Bodie, please. Whatever. There's a common central roast of, and he was up there, Caitlyn Jenner was one of the people on the panel.

He went up there, did a viral clip where he was just roasting Caitlyn Jenner. It was very funny, very good for Blake. It's just good for, you know, the Blake of the Year to have that PR type of press. Yeah, good Blake. I'm really glad that you're good at everything that you do. Yeah.

Super happy for you. Oh, you're a millionaire. 100 times over, you're awesome at basketball. You can shoot threes now and you're funnier than everyone. Cool, dude. Happy for you. Awesome.

Is that it? The Apocalypse Bunkers. What's that? What happened there? Post Malone is preparing a $3 million compound tucked away in Northern Utah. Hell yeah. To get ready for the apocalypse.

Hell yeah. What's inside, why would Post Malone let people know about his Apocalypse Bunker? I don't know, this could be like the Postmates thing when it was like Post Malone spends like $5 million on Postmates and turned out to be an ad. This could be like a Apocalypse Bunker ad. An Apocalypse Bunker with Post Malone

would just turn into like such a sick party. My hot seat, I'm just gonna go with Green Day because I also had your phone because iPhone just cucked it and now you can't use it anymore because there's a better one. Who else you got, P.F.D.? Okay, my hot seat is every band in the world

besides Green Day. Yeah, why? Because Green Day's back. They're dropping a new album and they tweeted out today. This is from Billy Joe. Me, Mike Dern and Trey Kool of Green Day cut through the bullshit.

That's how it's always been for us. Everything else is fake. Frauds, I tell you, rock has lost its balls. We're gonna teabag all these motherfuckers. The baddest rock band on the planet that gives a shit. So Green Day is back. Officially, they're putting their flag in the ground saying we're the only good band out there

and I was thinking that Green Day, would you consider them to be classic rock at this point? Oldies? Yeah, yeah, I guess oldies. When does that become classic rock? 94. I guess I always think like 70s and 80s are classic rock. So when did the close shit, whoa.

Those are oldies. When does the 90s become classic rock? I think it's now. Fuck. I think Green Day is an oldies band. That sucks. I was thinking that their album, Oldies, skipped classic rock.

You remember Dookie? Yeah, of course. Everybody had Dookie on CD. I think that proportionally that was like, that was the album that was bought by the most people to be their first CD. Yes, yes. Maybe the Titanic soundtrack.

Butthole Surfers, that I think was my first CD. Oh, there you go. Yeah. That name aged really well. It did. I mean, that was a sick song. What was that song? I don't mind the sun sometimes, because it shows.

Yeah, it's a good song. Amazing that a band named The Butthole Surfers was able to get on the radio. Yeah, they were great. Yeah, my cool thing was vaping, because there's been a real spike in vape. Are you back? No, but there's been a spike in vaping deaths.

So now vaping has kind of turned the corner. That's like, it's a bad boy thing. You know, like smoking cigarettes was rebellious when we were kids, because it's like not healthy, allegedly. Well, now vaping has entered that realm because it's killing people. Ooh, that's not good. Yeah, so I think it's gonna see a spike in use.

Also, my cool throne is Todd Palin, because the Palin family broke up. Todd and Sarah got a divorce. Damn. So Todd is a man on the loose right now, and for a guy that had like extremely divorced dad energy, even when he was married, seeing him on his own single,

he is going to be slaying some tail. Oh yeah, and you say that literally, because there will be some snowmobile fucking. Yeah, there are gonna be some people in Russia that are gonna be able to watch Todd Palin fucking his ex-girlfriend from high school inside his house. Oh yeah, oh yeah. There's gonna be some dive bar showing up.

Todd's on the prowl. Where's Todd? What does Todd do? Todd is such a fucking like sleazy, prowl guy name. Todd should always, if you meet a person named Todd, if you meet a Todd, assume that they're divorced until proven otherwise. Yeah, and snowmobile and wanna fuck your wife.

I have six monster energy tattoos. Yeah, Todd. Todd, Todd, Todd. Todd. All right, my hot seat is my brain and Hank's brain because the summertime love stupid commercial has been in my brain for three days now. What song is that?

The Summertime, the non-dancing boy band. Oh, I love those guys. So that commercial, we're back in the season, it happens in March Madness, and it happens in football season, where you watch so much live sports that the commercials just break you down. Lloyd's boyfriend from entourage is also cool thrown

because he's in the Buffalo Wildlings commercial. Oh, thanks. It took me like a hundred times of watching it to be like, you know the fuck do I know that guy from? This is the season, you're back in football season, you're watching wall-to-wall football in the commercials, just, they actually suck away part of your brain matter. You know what league is the best at that actually?

Is sneaky baseball. During baseball playoffs, they run the same commercial over and over. You remember the Dane Cook MLB commercial? You remember the Frank TV commercials? Yup, yup. Yeah, baseball. TBS just hammers you.

Cause baseball has like one sales guy. Right. And that one sales guy goes out there and lands two accounts and he's like, okay, we're set for October. He's got a rotary phone. Yeah. And he wears a suit every day.

Yeah. And he's just pounding that roll of decks. Absolutely. An old school roll of decks. Yeah. That's actually flipping through. All right, my cool thrown is anyone who thought the Knicks were dysfunctional

because you don't have to think it anymore, Enos Cantor actually confirmed it and he said that literally everyone in the league talks and says the ownership sucks and they never want to go there. Okay. So check that one out. I was unsure.

Yeah. If James Nolan was a buffoon or not. Yeah. Wasn't the 40 years without a title that made me think that. But now we're good. Okay. We know.

And then my other cool thrown is. By the way, that's coming from somebody that is like fleeing a country with a dangerous dictator. That's like the most dysfunctional country in the world. And he thinks that the Knicks are run poorly. Yes. This place. You want to really talk about some shit shows.

And then on my other cool thrown is everyone's favorite sports debate because Pete Prisco, our friend said that Bama could beat the Dolphins. Yes. Let's go. Let's go. That's the quickest it's ever happened. Yeah.

You know what Pete did? He did. I'm going to tell you guys something about the NFL. Right. The Dolphins are trash. The Dolphins are trash and Alabama can beat them. What's a better debate? That is Yukon women's basketball bad

for women's basketball. Right. Which school is the real DBU? Because that one's hot these days. I love the Bama one because it's by far the dumbest argument of all time. Like anyone who actually thinks that is crazy. Of course Bama could beat the Dolphins.

Watch me put Hank's brain oppressor writer for this. Yeah. Hank. He's on his text. I don't know what he's going on doing. I'm co-tweeting the tweet from PMP. Okay. You want me to wait for-

There's one last spot. Because the Patriots traded. Oh shit. That worked out. We'll find out. I'll wait for Hank to finish his tweet. Okay. Could Alabama beat the Dolphins

if they had Tom Brady as a quarterback? Tom Brady as a quarterback. Belichick as the other coach. You think Belichick is- Two is the quarterback of the Dolphins. No. You think that Belichick is a huge, huge upgrade over Nick Saban?

No. They get to coach together. Oh. Yeah. Okay. Dual head coaches. Okay. All right.

So you think yes. Yes. With that type of strategy, like give them two weeks to prepare. All right. No. A week. Whatever.

A week. A normal week. Yeah. You don't get a bi-week. I don't know. I didn't go to college. All right. Actually, you do get two bi-weeks.

All right. Okay, let's get to our interview with Rob Gronkowski before we do that. Velvita, PFT's favorite. Only Velvita delivers extra creamy cheesiness, especially perfect for your tailgate or game day party. Making those dishes you already have even better with Velvita.

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We also are brought to you by NFL The Grind. Every NFL season tells a story. It's an intense drama played out over six months and coming to epics in the new doc series, NFL The Grind, hosted by Rich Eisen and produced by NFL Films. It airs every Wednesday night at nine, only on epics. The vet playing his last year,

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Get the channel or get the app and watch NFL The Grind. Okay, here he is. Rob Gronkowski. Okay, we now welcome on a guest we should have had on a long time ago, but he's here now. It is future Hall of Famer, possibly retired, but maybe coming back, Rob Gronkowski. Possibly retired, maybe coming back.

I mean, you are flirting with him. I'm not even retired. Well, you're like, I'm possibly retired. Have you filed the paperwork? I like that. No, you can't. It takes a year. Oh, interesting.

So I'm like half retired. Okay. I like that. You gotta wait that year. You have to admit, like you've been throwing out little, and we need you to do that for this show so that people will quote it. Like you need to say, I'm actually gonna come back

this exactly. Yeah, probably like week 14 or something. I heard you yelling at the hallway. Our president said at week 14, week 13. So, you know, I said, I'm just gonna agree with you. Yeah. You're the president, so week 14 or something. Week 14 works.

I'm not gonna ask you if you're coming back. I'm just gonna straight up give you a hypothetical offer right now. Okay. I like this. 10 million dollars. You don't have to practice except for walkthroughs. And here's the kicker.

You get to wear number 69, and you report as tackle eligible every single play. So the ref has to say reporting number 69 over the loudspeaker. You know, that's a pretty good deal. How many games do I have to play? Three before the playoffs. And it's for 10 million?

Yeah. Three games before the playoffs, 10 million dollars, wearing number 69. The whole stadium will have to hear every single time. Every time. Would the fans love that every time? Yeah. I think so, Rob.

Oh, all right. I know you two would. Yeah, I would take that deal. Okay. Breaking news. He's coming back for 10 million dollars. There it is. I would take that deal.

Seriously, how much weight have you lost? Because that's the other story. I know. Everyone's like, well, he's lost a ton of weight. Is that a good or a bad thing? Are you like, you're the type of guy who's like, people are probably calling me weak. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's both. It's a good, I look at it as a great thing. But people say it to me like it's a bad thing. They're like, you lost so much weight. And then like five seconds later, they realized what they said and then they look. I mean, they're like, how'd you do it? I need to lose weight too.

They say it in a mean way first. And then they realize what a beast I was and be able to lose that much weight at 260 where I was already jacked. So I lost 15, 20 pounds. And the weight I lost, I call it bullshit weight. Like bloated weight. Right.

I was 265, you got a lot of that. Yeah, I don't like, you know, I'm an athlete and to be able to be on top of your game, I feel like for your whole career, you got to make adjustments throughout your career. You don't see a 20 year old athlete doing the same thing as a 35 year old athlete. So if you want to stay in the game,

you got to make adjustments just like anything else. Oh, so this was the adjustment for your return? Oh, the whole way and I like where you're going. No, you know, it's just adjustment for life. I mean, I didn't like that extra weight. I mean, I found a way that I could get it off me. And I did and now I feel lighter. I feel quicker. I feel faster.

I feel more energy. I feel more alert. And that's just the way I wanted to be. Did you lose anything off your bench? No, man, I haven't. I'm actually stronger now. Really? How much you bench?

I haven't benched in a while. That's such bullshit. I wish we had the bench press in here. The bench press. We're getting one. It's making it to a... It's definitely coming. At some point.

So what could you bench if we had a bench press in here, which would have been an unbelievable moment, but we don't have it? Yeah, that would have been an unbelievable moment. But I actually really haven't benched. I benched actually the other day after a full... I just had... There was 135 on the bar.

Oh, don't qualify it. And I did it like just 10 times. Just to stretch? Just to see, yeah. After my full workout. But I swear, I haven't really lifted weights in like a year and a half. Really?

I do like weights like every once, every like two weeks now. Wait, so last year during the season, you weren't lifting like you didn't lift? No, no, I wasn't. I was just doing more body weight, band stuff, you know? Just trying to like keep it, you know, like it was, I mean, was that abnormal

to the rest of your career? Oh, yes, definitely. I mean, I've been a heavyweight guy while lifting and everything. But like I said, you got to make adjustments. I feel like the heavyweight lifting was just keeping me a little stiff, you know, a little stiff and I didn't like it.

And I needed... I felt like I was getting stiff and I felt like I needed to adjust a little bit. I still lift weights, but I don't do it as much anymore. Sounds like someone is on the TB12 method. Yeah, it is a little bit for sure, really. Majority of it is for sure.

Here was last time you ate a tomato. Ate a tomato? I mean, I got nothing against tomatoes. If they're in my salad, if they're in my... You just had pizza, like you said. Yeah, I just had pizza, that's fine. Yeah, but you know, I need to put some weight on it. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, I'm surprised I was like, dang, yeah, I got to put some weight on it. So I took two bites of the pizza. What are you down to now? I'm 245 right now. Okay, that's pretty lean, I mean... Oh, I'm 245, I'm ripped, it feels good. I feel bad for you because when you were playing,

you never got to experience the joy of having the announcers talk about you because they would always say the same things, and it seemed like every year they would add five or 10 pounds to your weight, so by the end they'd be like, you can't tackle Rob Grunkowski, he's 6'10", and weighs 285, you know, 290.

You can't stop that. So when you were at your heaviest, how much did you actually weigh? My heaviest, I would say, I've hit 270 before, but I never hit 270 during the season. I was like 268 some games. I always ranged from 260 to 268 in between that and throughout my whole career.

You ever got? Actually, I have before, but it was never during football. Okay, got it, got it. You have to smile when you saw the number. Right up to 260, yeah. Actually, we need to talk to you about that because we're big 69 fans, or I should say we were.

Feel Like The Joke has kind of been running to the ground by Darren Ravel recently. He ruined it. He ruined it by betting 69 cents on the Browns to win the Super Bowl, and once Darren gets involved in everything, please also bleep his name out because he'll just get a hard on from hearing it.

Yeah, yeah. How do we make 69 great again? You know, I was actually just talking about that on the ride here, me and Goon were driving up, and we were like, yo, we're like 69, like isn't that, it's kind of like in the past. Like this is crazy. We were literally just saying that

on the car ride up here, we were like 69 jokes kind of faded away, which they kind of have. I totally 100% agree. And you know, Al Prez was looking for the 69 joke over the pizza. That's the problem. Everyone's looking for it.

That's the problem. So, you know, I gave him the score, but I kind of had to switch it up a little bit. I did 6.8769, like, you know, because you just can't do a 6.9. Everyone was looking for it. So I don't know, man. I need some ideas.

I think 420 is pretty hot right now. Yeah, yeah. 420. It is. That's why I'm with CBD now, baby. Yeah, there you go. Right, right. Exactly why I'm with CBD.

I would say either stay away for a little bit and then bring it back with something like real big, like your own fire fest, except it's called like 69 fest after like a year off entirely, or just the one where you check in as a tackle eligible every single play. I think that'd be funny too.

Yeah, it would be. You know, I think 69 might need to break off a little bit, man. It'll just come naturally. It'll come naturally back. When it's forced, I think that's why. Maybe missionaries making a comeback. Ooh, that's it.

Yeah, what's the number for missionary? 11? 11. 17. Yeah, I like 66. If you know what I mean. Oh yeah, ass eating season. Yeah, there we go.

Okay, so that's the new one. Yeah, that's it. 66, if you're not eating the ass, it's from behind. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Based in the same way. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course.

Of course, little doggie. Yeah, spooning. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Spooning. 66 is spooning. 66 is spooning. 66 is spooning. Or you can go 99 and while you're standing up.

Oh. Right, wouldn't that be it? 99, yeah. Yeah, okay. Oh, no, that's, no, that you'd be, fuck, now I can't even. Actually, is sitting down? 17 would be, you're both doing handstands.

Come on, give me that pad. And somebody's going in from, taking you from behind. 99, that would be, you're sitting, right? Like that's not, that's six, I don't know. No, 99, you're doing handstands. Maybe that's a CrossFit workout. Yeah, CrossFit.

Yeah, where you're crossing one or two and standing each other. Yeah. That actually works. That's pretty good, right? That is, that is. The new burpees. I always rated, so we, you know,

just 69 jokes again, all that. But our rating scale to all of the 69 jokes is like when, like a 619 or 689 is the number that the chick number is in the middle. So if you're 619, you're 69 to one. Okay. Yeah. So that's how we always rate it.

I love it. So I was always 6109. Yes, they go, 6109. All right, we'll give it a break though. And then I snuck a Goon once in a, oh man, that was a 6129. Oh, 6129, damn. Have you, what's your favorite block?

Oh man, my favorite block. These are going on football. Little favorite block. Oh, we're talking football? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, like the combo block. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The combo block when the tackle's with me,

because the tackle's like my size, but then he's 50 pounds heavier. So it's like, if I can block the D on this tackle that's 50 pounds heavier is gonna be with me. It's a combo block where we work together, take the D on and then go up to the linebacker. Do you have one block in mind that you were like, I fucking smoked that guy and it felt awesome?

Yeah, it was me and Trent Brown last year in the playoff game versus the Chargers. Okay. Yeah, right off the edge when Rex Burkhead went in for the touchdown right there. Who'd you guys hit? It was the D on. No, no, no.

Another good player. Ingram? Yeah, yeah, he's a good player too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Real good player. Not on that play. Yeah, well, you got Trent Brown and myself there. I mean, that's tough.

He's six. It's a lot of me in these. Yeah, no lie. Not even lie. I swear to you, Trent Brown is actually six nine. See, now that's funny. Yes. Now that's funny because that's not true.

We're not first. Now we're talking. That's how we bring it back. We gotta stop forcing the six nine jokes. We were talking. Did you ever do like the little Hezzie Hay thing where you'd be split out and you know that's gonna be a combo block

but you act like you're not gonna block and then boom. Yes, you do that too. And kind of on a pass route too, you gotta switch it up. You can't give them the same look every time but those are my favorites. When they think you're not, you're going out for a ride and then boom,

you get them. It's just an advantage. Do you like catching balls or blocking more? I didn't mean to phrase it that way because I know. Yeah, I know. I know what you mean. I know what you mean.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you like to receive balls or block? Yeah. Oh man. Are you on the receiving end or the blocking end? All right, so, okay, we're talking. You like to stick your nose in there or do you like to take it?

You know, I like to do both, you know. I go both ways in this category because going out for a pass every time, I mean, that's 60 plays in a row. Imagine running up and down the field 60 times. Yeah, I'm good on that. And then, you know, blocking too. It's hard work, but I like switching it up

because running pass plays every time, that's not football. I believe in the true style of football. You gotta run the ball. You gotta pass the ball. And if you can run the ball well, I believe that's why I got opens a lot of times in the play action aspect of my career because we were blocking so well that when, you know,

Tom goes back, fakes the handoff, all the linebackers come up, it gets me wide open. That's why sometimes you saw me wide open up to see him because we're blocking well. Right. They're scared of the run. So I like doing both and, but I would say if I had a pick one, obviously,

I would go with receiving. Our friend, your friend, Julian Edelman, said that he would oftentimes, when you guys were both going out for catches at the same time, he would hear you like grunting and groaning, running down the field, but also laughing, giggling while you're playing football. Yes. At the beginning of my career,

I was always doing that. I remember everyone. I don't know. It was always something natural. I remember that because in college, people keep people on my team would start imitating me. Like I'm, I'm, I'm running down the field and they'd be like, they'd be imitating me laughing

and then they'd be grunting. And then they'd be like, and I'd be like, damn, do I really look like that? But so you would just laugh uncontrollably while you're running in a route in the middle of the NFL. Sometimes if I'm feeling good, yes. Yeah, that's amazing. Yeah.

What was, I want to switch it up a little bit and talk about like old school grown up, like little baby grok. What was your favorite subject in school? Damn, my favorite subject, I would have to go with math, man. Really? Yeah, math was always my subject. And then one time, you know, in high school,

I got like 95, so they moved, it's 95 out of 100. So they moved me up to the, you know, the advanced math. And I thought I was all sweet and everything. And I was going home bragging to my family because my brother Chris and them, I don't know, they're smart, they know how to do, they get like A's every time. So I'm going home bragging.

So then I go to the advanced math and I swear it wasn't math anymore. It was like, it was no more numbers. It was like, solve like this crazy. Yeah, signs and weird, yeah. Yeah, it was nuts. And I, after like two weeks, I just asked to go right back down to the normal math.

Just dominate it. Yeah, and just dominate it and just enjoy it. Yeah, absolutely. Stay in your lane. Stay in my lane. Exactly. Between you and your brothers and the Watt brothers who wins in like a battle royale.

Man, that's a good battle. I mean, they're aggressive. I mean, they go hard too. That's a battle for the ages. How many of them are there? There's three? Yeah, well, there's five of us. I'm going with us.

That's it right there. Yeah, exactly. Would you, when you were growing up with all your brothers, were you just dominating them in all the sports or was it pretty even? It was even because I was two years younger. Right. So then it made it that even.

So, oh, they're going to come in after me. I would imagine the Gronk household growing up. It was just like wrestling and playing sports 24-7. No, it really was. We had like, I swear, we had the best neighborhood growing up. Grew up outside of Suburban, outside in Buffalo. And we had like, my brothers had like 10 friends on the street. I had like five friends on the street.

We all did. And everyone would come over. We would go to their house. And I swear, every single day, it was either mini sticks. It was either pickup basketball, like around the world, or it was backyard baseball. We had the best arena backyard baseball. Or it would just be a pick-me-up game.

We had a game called Zoom. Everyone would just put pillows in their shirt. Everyone would take a corner, four of us at the same time, and we'd run full speed into each other and whoever gets knocked out, knocked down with Luz. That's awesome. We got to play. You know, that's what you guys got to do.

You guys got to play Zoom. I want to play Zoom in here. Can we play a little Zoom? Because I was always thinking that if you grew up on the same block as the Gronkowskis, you would probably hate them, because they would just kick your ass in every single sport. You know, it was even.

But it kind of was. There's some 35-year-old guy in Buffalo right now. It's traumatized. I got my fucking ass kicked every day. Actually, we all, everyone that grew up in that neighborhood, whenever you see each other, you remember that neighborhood. Because I mean, it was always competitive. It was kind of always fair, because there was no such thing

as an age group, I feel like. It was just basically, if you're under 10 years old, you're in the mix. Yeah, if you're four, you're still there. Yeah, you're still there watching. You would hop in real quick whenever you can. Or if you're eight, whatever, 10 years old, everyone was together.

And everyone that sees each other from that neighborhood was London Dairy Lane in Gutsville, New York, baby. And I swear, whenever you see another person from that neighborhood, you always talk about us growing up, because we had a blast. What's your wing place in Buffalo? You know, so everyone's crazy. Everyone's crazy about Anchor Bar and Duff's wings.

Yes. And I would say that's more of like the tourism. The tourism goes there. So if you ever, you know, I actually never been a Duff's in my life. I've been to Anchor Bar twice. This is good, because the two that we like are not those two. Really, really.

Duff's is okay, but it's not the best. I have nothing against them. I would say they're great. But the thing is, everywhere in Buffalo has great wings. That's why, you know, it's just that the tourism people, all, you know, coming in the Buffalo, everyone's like, Anchor Bar, Duff's. Yeah, they're 100% great.

They have to be. They're in Buffalo, and everyone knows about them. But if you just go to any corner store, any pizza joint, everyone has top-notch wings. We are favorites for Gabriel's Gate and Bar Bill. I never even heard of those two. Really? Fuck, Bar Bill is out.

Bar Bill is more Buffalo than you. Yeah, Bar Bill is out towards like Orchard Park. That's where all the bills, they all have their own mugs on the wall. Yeah, I never really been out to Orchard Park before. I don't need to play them in high school. Yeah, I never actually been out there that way. You drink a lot of Mad Dog in Buffalo growing up?

Mad Dog. Growing up, I remember my older brother always partied with Mad Dog. Yeah, so it's a local delicacy. Yeah, I never had Mad Dog. And I remember that you always drink Mad Dog and then claim that their shits turn red. It happens sometimes.

Is that true? Occasionally. I never had Mad Dog in my life before. If you go passion fruit, if you go bananas, jubilee, then yes, sometimes. Then you go bling bling 2020 and it turns blue on the way out. So it really depends on the flavor. I never.

You should try. You should try. One thing I've always been curious about your career, your relationship with Belichick. Because on a football level, you must be his favorite because you are a Hall of Famer, the best to ever play the tight end position. So on that level, you guys probably, I would assume,

get along really well. Then unlike, you're on social media and he doesn't even know what social media is, did that, like, how was your relationship with Belichick and how did those two things kind of come together? We always had a great relationship. I mean, well, first off, I mean, there's a business side. You got to understand that side.

But outside of that, whenever you see him, I mean, we always had a great relationship outside. I feel like that's when he always like laughed at my jokes or something was like when we were at an event. Right. Yeah, he would never laugh at him like at practice. He would get all mad. Like, I'd be dancing on the side.

I'd be, you know, during camp, I'd be doing something crazy with the fans and stuff. I don't think he ever really liked that. But when, like, outside of football, we were at events and he sees me dance and doing whatever, he's always laughing at that. So he takes it serious, man. And I mean, he's the best coach ever.

I mean, you can just tell, you know? And it's just unbelievable to play for him and learn from a guy like that just to see everything he does. But overall, man, you know, I made him laugh a few times. So I had a lot of compliments, a lot of compliments. A lot of accomplishment. Did he ever sit down with you and have a moment where he's like, hey, Gronk, you're the best tight end I've ever coached?

No, not really. Really? Yeah, not really. Never fully let you know? Never, not like that. No, no. I mean, he's not a guy like that. I mean, I would say he keeps everyone humbled in there.

Yeah. And he gets everyone working hard. And I mean, if you do it, I can give you, if you do it on a consistent basis every single week, he'll give you props. What does the props look like? Like, what does a Bill Belichick compliment look like? He'll put you up on the screen, show the plays one week,

the next week, the next week. And he'll just give you props in front of the whole team telling you that the consistency, the way doing things, the detail, the focus. And he'll give you big props for sure. What about Ernie Adams? Do you know what he does? Yeah, Ernie Adams is the man.

First off, Ernie, he's a mystery to every rookie, I would say. Like my rookie year, I'm always like, yo, who is this guy? Like, he's on the field every day. You know, I never really met him before, but he's on the field every day. I walk by him all the time.

And it took me like three years to learn who Ernie Adams was. And you know how big of a role he plays in everything. And but now I understand, he's just low key and he's a beast. Yeah. Would he like pull you aside once, twice a year, and say, hey, I saw this on tape. Execute this.

It'll work. Yo, I don't know how you know this inside info, but he did pull you aside. Kyle Van Noy told us. Yes, he pulls you aside about once a year, and he gives you a tip. What was the best tip you ever gave? You know, I think it was a while ago,

and it was about the defense, about how they were going to play, and how I was going to open up and get the ball. That's such a patriot answer. Yeah. There was more detail. Yeah, cool. That was all. He was just explaining the defense, the coverage,

and how it was going to open up. And then that play, like, to get ready for the ball. And he just knows. They just know. Some day there's going to be a documentary about Ernie Adams. It's going to be the most fascinating. It will be. My theory is that he's the guy that's

in charge of deciding where Belichick's going to wear with the sleeves, all that shit. Maybe, but he knows defenses like no other. He draws up defenses. That's one of the many things he does, but he's so good at it. And he just knows what he's doing. Did you ever make him laugh? I bet you Ernie Adams is like a good 69 joke.

You know. If he ever laughed, he laughed behind doors. You never saw it happen. Yeah. Who was your best friend playing? Oh, you know, I loved when Chandler Jones was here. He always called himself, you know, White Gronk. And I was always, I was always, no, no.

He would call himself Black Gronk. And I was always White Chandler Jones. I like that. Yeah, he was 6'6, 2'6. He played defense then. I played tight end. We just got along great. And we were both both silly.

Yeah. Did you ever lobby to get to be able to throw a pass at a game? You know, I never lobbied it. We tried one time about three years ago in camp. I launched it up and it got intercepted. But I swear it was like everyone was dead tired. The receiver stopped halfway. Oh, that's bullshit.

Yeah, I know. But I think, you know, when I do come back week 14, it's because I'm, it's because I got an arm now. That's right. See, man, like, I can drop back. Like, look, how are you going to announce your comeback? I just did week 14. No, but like, are you going to do an Instagram post?

Dude, just let it, what's the other one? No, there's so many different options these days. And Instagram posts, you can host an interview. You can have a press conference. You can go on Twitter. There's some of you can come here. Yeah. Part of my take.

There's so many different options. And to announce things these days, that's what, you know, you got to take advantage of that. That's why I did, I did, I just felt like it was right to announce my retirement online. I didn't feel like talking to anyone at the moment or anything. And I was like, I need to get this over with. It was just easy to post online, which was nice.

Yeah. You also announced today that you got signed by Ice Shaker, which is that must have been tough signing, considering the fact that your brother owns a company. Yes, my brother owns a company. He went on Shark Tank and A-Rod and Cuban invested. And, you know, and then my brother asked if A-Rod would sell me the portion that he bought.

And and he said, yeah, and no problem. And which is cool. He just asked if I would do something. So I got to do, A-Rod also is investing in the Fit App. He asked if I was to sell, if he sells me the Ice Shaker, if I'll do, if I'll be one of the coaches on the Fit App. So that's why I'm also getting so fit, because I got to, I'm going to have to be one of the coaches now, knees up, knees up,

you know, on his Fit App. So you can file. So I got to shoot that in like two months out in LA. So I got to do that. And then I'm going on the corp. Yep. You're on it too, right? In a minute.

So we'll be on that after, which is nice. And he sold me the part of Ice Shaker that that he bought off my brother, which is, which is really cool, man. He bought it from my brother in Shark Tank. And then I bought the piece back from him. He made out pretty well too. Everyone made out. Everyone's happy, which is nice.

And what's cool though is he let myself and my brother team up and become partners. So we're excited, man. That's awesome. I go to Dallas. I've been there about twice already this off season. We just sit there. We, he has a videographer, follows around working out,

running stairs, biking, whatever, just doing promos. And he puts videos together and we just post them out. And that's how we made the announcement today. Actually, we had a little video, which was nice. And he works hard. My brother works hard. And I just feel like it goes good together. Just, you know, it's, it's around everything.

I like to do things that are, you know, fitness wise in that industry. That's the way I'm headed. And, you know, what, you know, protein, ice shaker goes great with it. Yeah, I've got a business opportunity for you. I'm actually, I'm going to let you know right now, this is going to blow your socks off. You might as well just hand over like a hundred thousand dollars

because you're going to love this. Okay. Ready? So I noticed that you just teamed up with a CBD company, right? Yeah, yeah, right there. And you got, you got the shaker. My idea is a product called protein. All right.

So contained within protein, it's a post-workout drink. It's got probably 55 grams of protein. Real good stuff in there. Uh, it's basically a four loco because it's got some alcohol. It's got some caffeine too. And it's got CBD in there to kind of cool down your joints, anti-inflammatory. So it's your, it's your post-workout recovery and your pregame drink all rolled into one protein.

That really is protein. Yeah. That is the best definition of protein. Are you looking for it? You would drink that. I would drink that. I would have to try it. Hands down.

Did you bring your checkbook? Did I bring my checkbook? How are you guys? Ninety-nine thousand. Just knock the grand off. Ninety-nine. Wow. You're robbing me off.

That's pretty good. That's a deal. I'm down. I'm down. Ninety-nine thousand. I'm in. Okay. I love it.

I haven't even tried it. I'm in. Um, also, also post-career in the NFL, you think about getting to the booth? Uh, you know, I've, I've been, uh, you've been asked a few times from actually a couple of, uh, well, companies, TV networks, networks. There we go. Uh-huh. That's the official business motto.

You sound like you're ready for TV. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, um, I do sound like I'm ready for TV, but, uh, no, no, I really haven't, haven't really thought about it. But, uh, you know, I've been asked to do a couple other things, a couple of TV shows and stuff and me and I've been asked to host a couple of shows actually with one.

We actually, uh, one with James Corbin, which would be pretty dope. He has a, this show called a league of their own up out in London and he wants to bring it here and he does it with three other athletes in London. So it's been on for 10 seasons out there. So he wants to bring that here. So we're, we're actually talking right now about doing that, which would be pretty dope, you know, shooting one episode a day or something, hosting that, you know, co-host with him because he's, he's money at that.

Yeah. So there's a lot of opportunities out there. And, uh, you know, I'm just going to go with opportunities that I feel are right and, uh, that I feel like will be fun. Now, I feel like that I would enjoy doing. But you have to, you have to go back and play football. Yeah, I know, I know, you know, but that's all in November. Week 14.

Yeah, you only work three months a year now. Week 14 is, uh, well, that's crazy, man. Like I can do all this other work and then I can show up week 14 and just go play football, go host a TV show, come on, party my take, you know, go do pizza reviews. You know, go do a, I shake a commercial, go take some CBD, you know, you can say it all goes together and then you're still ready to go play. Yeah. Um, did Tom Brady ever call you babe?

So he calls a lot of people, baby. That's what I've heard. Yeah. Yeah. He calls a lot of people. Babe, right? Yes, he does. So what was it?

Did you make him laugh? I'd have to imagine you made Tom Brady laugh. Oh yeah. I made Tom laugh a lot of times. Yeah. Many, many times. What was it? Would, did you guys ever get to that point?

I'm sure you did, but that point where he just knew exactly where you'd be any time you needed a big play. I mean, you saw it in the Super Bowl against the Rams and in the AFC Championship game against the Chiefs when he just says, Hey, Grant, go get open and I'll get you. Like, did you guys have that kind of relationship? Yeah. Yeah.

Definitely. I mean, I feel like Tom has like this special power and he like, he like knows who's going to be open that play. Like just from all the practice, just from reading the guys, um, being around them, uh, you know, what type of route they run. That's why he loves practice so much. He gets to understand, you know, the type of receiver that he has, the type of breaks that they can do and have the same timing and same connection with them.

So that's, that's what makes them so special. And that's why he can get, he can get anyone open because he knows exactly where they're going to be. So I've just always thought, I always just knew that he knew when I was going to be open and he always hit me, you know, whenever I was. Yeah. Uh, what is your best spike of all time? Oh, the best spike of all times.

Oh man. Hmm. Good question. What one? Oh, yeah, hands down with the London, uh, you know, that one was from Chandler Jones. We had a night before we were in the training room and I was like, yo, what should my touchdown dance be? Cause that was my, you know, my crazy days, like 24 years old.

I had all that energy going on still, you know, I didn't mind getting yelled at whenever I did a little celebration. So I did the London, uh, changing of the garden. I swear that was a good one. I liked that one. Did you, did you get yelled at for it? No, no, it was too good to get yelled at, but I got yelled at the booty shaking one that day.

Yeah, that was a good one too. Yeah. The booty shaking one right after I was shaking my booty around. I, you know, the first one was fine. And you know, you got to shake your booty on the second one. Belchak yelled at you for that a little bit. Did he say booty? Like, hey, you shaking your booty.

I would have been a hilarious Mike. No, he didn't shake your booty. Yeah, that would have been funny if he said Rob booty, Rob, stop twerking. Yeah, yeah, he said Rob's top twerking with the booty stuff. Rob's top twerking. Oh man. Um, all right, I have two last questions. The first is you, you were talking about the injuries that you had to deal with

in the whole Andrew Luck retiring. I, your leg injury that you got in the Super Bowl, that was the most regular football play ever. So you, so what exactly happened? You, your quad, you basically like strained it or what exactly happened? I don't know. So I was going to, so I cut inside on the play from the defenders. So then the linebacker has full speed and nice angle on me.

And when he went to the tackle, like he, his helmet, he went low and his helmet hit right here. Like you probably can't tell and I flipped in the air. It looks totally normal. I looked totally normal. I saw the hit, you know, it looks totally normal, like a normal hit. But if you look carefully, it's like slow speed. His helmet went directly into my thigh and like full speed.

It was, it was from a beast too. Middleton, he's, he's a, you know, he can hit. Yeah. He running full speed and that's when it happened. And right when it happened, I was like, damn, another quack, quack contusion. So, so, and then it's just all adrenaline from that point on. Yeah, basically, I mean, the thing, the thing sucked at half time already. It was already blown up like that big.

And I had to just keep on moving at a half time. Just so, cause if you stop, if you let it be for like, you know, five minutes, then that stiffens up on you right away. So I just had to keep it moving. And then 10 minutes after the game, stiffened right up. Yeah, I'd imagine when you, when Andrew Luck retired, there was obviously a bigger conversation about it, but I'm sure you can relate to a lot of the, you know, injury rehab, injury rehab cycle that you get into.

Mentally, it must kind of drain you more than anything. Oh yeah, it drains you like crazy. That injury rehab, injury rehab. I mean, that's like the worst cycle you can like be doing. I mean, who wants it to be injured rehab, injured rehab? I mean, it takes away your energy. It takes away like your joy from it all. But I mean, it is what it is.

I mean, it's game of football, though. I mean, you know, which is, which football is amazing. I mean, that's why everyone loves it so much because of all the hits. But it is what it is, man. And, you know, you got to find ways. That's when, you know, people learn like find ways to go down. That's why you see sometimes people go down before they get tackled, which is smart. I mean, why take on four guys at one time when you're not going to be

four guys in the NFL if they're directly in front of, you know what I mean? Yeah. Right. Yeah. My last question, have you gotten the Lombardi trophy repaired yet? No, no, I haven't. And I was there last night. All six trophies were there and the dent is still there. And it's going to talk to Mr. Crafty said he's going to keep it.

Yeah. He said he's going to keep it. OK, that's actually kind of cool because it's like a little piece of grok is always going to be in the trophy case. Yes. Yes. He said that that it's going to stay like that. And it's just the honor of my career. And I tell him, thank you, man. That's that's pretty dope.

Who did you tell him? I saw the picture. I saw the picture of you and Jonathan Craft. Oh, yeah. You just you just took your shirt off. Yeah. Yeah. You see this? Yeah. It was like a very six trophies. You know, we had all these like he had all the, you know, that pregame

party he has, you probably all heard about it, like up near the trophies. You get to walk the hallway of like seeing all all like the decorations of all the pitchers, the championships all won, the divisions all won. And he has all like the CEOs of, you know, CEOs of all the top companies, companies, networks, networks, whatever. And they're all in there and they all start leaving. And I'm like, and I'm like, all right, perfect time to take my shirt off. Yeah, I didn't want to I didn't want to do it in front of everyone

because actually there's a couple of CEO older, nice ladies. And they saw and they started running over. They're like, oh, can I get a picture too? And I was like, wow, this is getting crazy. I just thought it was take my shirt off when everyone's wearing suits. So then so then just took the picture and then Jonathan Craft hop in. He's like, that's a great picture. I was like, I know, come on in and we took it.

And it's such a funny picture. It was a great picture. But the next picture I was thinking last night, like my brother was like, you know, you need one more picture now. I was like, what's that? He's like, you did it with Mr. Craft's son. He goes, you need a picture. You need to one up that picture.

I was like, how do I do that? You know, I already knew him back in my mind how I can one up in. And he's like, you got to take a picture with Mr. Craft now with both of you back there. But he's got to have his shirt off too. Oh my God, that'd be incredible. Would that be incredible? That would be incredible.

It was just such a funny visual because I when I see a picture like that, I'm like, the idea of Gronk either waiting for everyone to leave or asking someone like, Hey, mind if I just take my shirt off real quick? Want to pop this picture? Yeah, I just my abs. I just whipped it off. Yeah. Yeah, you never ask. You have to take off your T.

Yeah, just took it off. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Last, last question. Seeky question promo code take ten dollars off. Go see Gronk play in the NFL week 14 promo code take. Hank, do you have any questions? I feel like you got to have at least one question for Gronk. Oh, all right. You think of it.

I'll ask one last one. Do you remember the figure skating competition we did? Yes, I do. I want to say thank you again because you were coming off an ACL and you were walking on ice. Yes, walking on ice. Us idiots doing the dumbest figure skating competition ever. And then I always tell people this who ask like, what's Gronk like?

You hung out with us in the locker room and we just shot the shit for like an hour after. Yes, we did. Just laughing at each other's jokes. That was funny, though, that figure skating. Yeah, you guys were hilarious. It was, I mean, my floor routine just rolled around. It was actually impressive, though,

because you guys actually had routines. That's what made it nice. I thought you guys were just going with the flow right there, but you had routines. It was nice. Before Hank jumps in real quick, I've got the schedule in front of me. OK, week 14. This is perfect. We're on Cincinnati.

Oh, oh, that's like, that's, you know, that's yeah. We lost. Can you tweet that? Can you? We're on Cincinnati. Kansas City, Monday night football. Everyone was done. And then Bill's quotes were on the Cincinnati. And guess who you're playing the week before? The Chiefs.

All the way. And we're on to Cincinnati. We're on to Cincinnati. Can you do us a favor? Co, because we did this with Blake Griffin and you, it would definitely work with you. Can you tweet the eyeball emoji tomorrow night right before the podcast drops?

And then when people get to this point of the podcast, they're going to feel like idiots because they're going to think you're coming back. But really, we're just making. What's eyeball emoji? What does that mean? You're like, look out. Something's happening. Oh, look out.

Yeah, people will assume it's you coming back, but it's really you just coming on. Pardon my take. Yeah, yeah, that's for sure. OK, so you're going to tweet that tomorrow, like, like seven o'clock, seven o'clock. You got that? You got to tell.

So did I tell good? That's actually got it. That's a great idea. We did it with this is big news. Yes, it's a huge news. Pardon my take. We did this with this is bigger than coming back week 14. Yes.

Yes, exactly. This is where it's at. Yes, people will flip out and be like, what the hell's going on? And then when they get to this part of the podcast, they'll feel really stupid. No, he's coming back week 14. He's coming back.

Wow. All right. Hey, what's wrong? I mean, I got nothing. He's got nothing. You got nothing. All right. Besides what I'm coming back week 14.

Gronk, thank you so much, man. This was a ton of fun. We appreciate it. This was great. Yeah, we've always been fans of you. So and we actually were trying, I think, a couple of years to get you on June 9th. So we'll do that maybe next year.

All right, I'm down. Yeah. You know, a little joy. We're not going to make the joke. No, I don't even know what June 9th is. Yeah, it's like, who knows? It sounds good. Yeah, just a good part of the summer.

It's a cool day. Yeah, it's a cool day. Like, what does it Wednesday? Yeah, it's like a Wednesday or something. It's always Wednesday. Exactly. Who cares, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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That's onepeloton.com promo code PARDON. The interview was also brought to you by ZipRecruiter. Hiring can be a slow process. Café Altura's COO Dylan Miskalich needed to hire a director of coffee for his organic coffee company, but he was having trouble finding qualified applicants so he switched to ZipRecruiter.

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within the very first day. See why ZipRecruiter is effective for businesses of all sizes. Try ZipRecruiter for free at our web address. It's ZipRecruiter.com slash PMT. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash PMT. ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. Okay, let's get to some segments.

First up, we have, by the way, wouldn't it be funny if Gronk then over the top trolled us and actually came back? That'd be amazing. It's just as part of his plan all along. He's just like, I'm just gonna troll the trolls. He's like AB, like in all the different steps that he's thought ahead.

Yeah, first up, we have Just Chill Out, man. Mike Greenberg said, what we just witnessed is the most unprofessional act that I can ever remember seeing in professional sports, talking about Antonio Brown. Just chill out, Mike Greenberg. A little overstated there, Mikey. You remember when LeBron James flashed the world? His penis, yep.

Yeah, you remember that? You remember when Mike Greenberg has a lot of balls to say this when he's been a fan of Northwestern football? Yeah, yeah. And the Jets. How about remember when, we're not even gonna do like the crimes. How about when Brian Colangelo had a burner account?

Yeah, that was pretty unprofessional. Damn. Yeah, Mike, listen, if there's one thing Mike Greenberg will not tolerate, it's forcing your way out of a contract by getting into the dispute with a guy named Mike to make more guaranteed money across the country. Eee, that one cut deep.

You can only do that if they're giving you your own morning show. Yes, exactly, in New York City. Yeah. Because that's kind of nice to get to move to New York City. I didn't think you'd go there to get your hero, but. You did it. Well, he's the one that made fun of my songs unintentionally.

Yes, that's true. Consider ourselves even, Greeny. It is pretty funny though, maybe. Now that you think about it, just like, Mike. Greeny, you kind of did the same thing. You got more money and ran away from your long-time close. Okay, so Saber Metrics, KD. Yes, Kevin Durant's changing his number to seven.

Seven. Seven. He says it stands for completion in the Bible. So, I guess, KD always has some weird reasons for changing. Is there numbers, like, translator in the Bible that I missed? No, I did look it up. So, the number seven box.

The number seven is featured in the Book of Revelation. There are seven churches, seven angels, seven seals, seven trumpets, seven stars. Again, Ring Chasing, going to a team with all the superstars. The Quran speaks of seven heavens, and Muslim pilgrims walk around the Ka'ba in Mecca, which is Islam's most sacred site, seven times. But where does it say seven equals completion?

That's what I don't get. I'm just, listen, just like KD have his interpretation. Go with it. Right, so he's just. In Buddhism. Illegally sourcing his material. Illegal, yes, he's plagiarizing God, and he missed the interpretation.

We went on Napster and got this. He downloaded, it was labeled as seven completions, but it turns out it was just the Book of Revelation. It was mislabeled. Also, the newborn Buddha rises and takes seven steps when the new Buddha is born. That's it? Right out, yeah.

Baby's first traveling violation. It feels like a weird, no, not in the NBA? Yeah, crab dribble, excuse me. Yeah, come on, that's not even close. Yeah, that's called a James Hardin step back. I mean, it's pretty obvious that he chose seven because it rhymes with Kevin. Yeah.

Seven? Seven Durant. Yeah, there we go. Okay, good job, KD. Slim Reaper. Should have been the Durantula. The Slim Reaper is the greatest nickname that never was. All right, we'll do PMT Sports Business,

Sports Biz Minute with Jake, and then we have guys on checks. Good morning, this is Jake Marsh with the PMT Sports Biz Minute. The NFL's most typed up team in the Browns may be off to a rough start, but despite losing by 30, Odell Beckham still unleashed the swag on the field

by wearing a $350,000 watch made by Richard Neal. Risk watches were actually first designed for women. It became fashionable for men to start wearing them around the start of the First World War. Today's guest, Rob Gronkowski noted that his favorite spike from his NFL career so far came during a London game back in 2012. Of Gronk's 91 career touchdowns,

he's confirmed to have spiked the ball on at least 80% of his trips to the end zone. And just so we're clear on what defines a Gronk spike, according to Urban Dictionary, it's the action of forcing an object, usually a football into the ground with tremendous force, or because you're fucking hammered and felt like doing it anyway.

That's your PMT Sports Biz Minute, Mr. Cat, Mr. Commenter, back to you. Okay, we finish up our show with our good friend, Uncle Chap, spent a while. He's here to read us guys on chips. I was mad at you, or you were mad at me. Who? People on the internet.

I was never mad at you. Oh yeah, I got tagged a couple of times, like is everything okay with you and Big Cat and PFT because you're never on PFT? I mean, your eye grosses me out. There were a lot of rumors. You do look like, you got kind of the Joe Biden look going on right now.

It's just hard to like... Yes. I know it's not contagious. Is it contagious? No, but it contagious. My mood is bad and so I feel like that like affects the people that I'm around. I'm just nervous that you're around me right now.

I would be too. And what I honestly, Roan is like the nicest dude in the world, but yesterday he was staying there and we were talking. I just wanted to kill myself because he looked at me and he was like staring directly at it but not acting like he was.

So he just kept looking in my eyes. When I first had the conversation when Chaps got here, I had a long conversation with him, but I thought that it was something that everyone already knew about that I was late finding out. So I didn't want to be rude and bring up the eye. See, I was thinking about the eye.

I just did the, hey, Chaps, your eye looks great right off the bat. And that was the wrong thing to do. Well, I thought maybe giving you a little, you should go eye patch. I was about to say like, come on that shit off. But I don't want to steal pirate culture.

Like I think that in a canceled society, I think I'll get canceled. The tattoos, the beard, the eye patch. You know what, you would swagger Jack Crenshaw for being the vet with the eye patch. That's true. Yeah. Okay, so before we do guys on chicks,

Nick falls injured. Were you even able to get excited for the Nick falls era? Well, to be completely honest, my excitement about the Nick fall era was completely fake. It was fake. Really? I thought that he was going to be a bust. You were thinking about Blake Bortles the whole time.

I thought that he was going to be a huge bust in Jacksonville where like everything was perfect for him in the eagle system. He didn't have that in Jacksonville where you have probably an average, maybe a little bit below average Stephen Corr where the eagles are the opposite or he wasn't elevating anybody else. He was just getting the ball out on time

and things like that. I thought maybe he could do that in Jacksonville, rely on the defense, but almost any quarterback who's accurate could do that. So I think Gardner is going to be okay. I like Gardner. I like his accuracy. He's like a poor man's Chad Pittington.

He's like a poor man's Sam Bradford. If Chad Pittington was more of a Chad and less of a Topher, he's like more Chad than Chad Pittington. There was a throw that he had this weekend that gave me really high hopes. It was like eight yards? No, it was like a 25 yard out. It was a 25 yard comeback.

He's a Mike Leach guy. He felt let it go whenever Connolly was on the 15. Hadn't even turned around yet. A little comeback route and it was on him. As soon as Connolly turned around, I was like, wow, you don't see a six round draft pick. A guy that didn't really have that many reps and major division one college football,

make that throw. Washington State, dude. He only played there like one year. Yeah, one year is awesome. You know what I like about him a lot is he wears these big polo shirts that don't fit. And I think anytime you get a quarterback that doesn't dress themselves properly,

it's a good thing for the, but like Peyton Manning never put on a shirt that fit him. Kyle Orton. Never wore a shirt. And, but it is kind of bullshit that Gardner is that level of handsome that he could make himself like put the goofiest facial hair. He could wear whatever he wants to.

And he still looks good. I wish his name was something different. If he was like Billy Minshew, Tommy Minshew, I like Gardner. I don't know. He seems like a Y guy. He feel like he should. Gardi? No, Gardi Minshew.

Yeah, that works too. Gardasil. Gardasil Minshew. Chaps. You have guys on chicks. You're gonna read it with your good eye. Okay. I want to say to everyone.

Oh, oh, what? Okay. I actually don't even really know what you're talking about with the eye. He was, he was cleaning his dog's asshole. No, that's not his face. He really gets in there. So what actually happened, Dan,

is that I have banana-induced pink eye. A few months ago, about a year and a half ago, I did a facial mask with a mashed up banana because I had heard that it will make your skin clean. Oh no. This is not real. No, it is real. I put it on the website.

I put it on Barstool Sports. If you look, Banana Mask Chaps. You'll see the video. I actually did it. And my skin looked great for like three days. But then afterwards, my eye got really infected. I always refused to go to the doctor. Waited too long.

My eye was infected for so long that now it's like a carteroid underneath my eyelid where I have to get the scar removed. All from a banana. Yeah, it's banana-induced pink eye. So when people- So wait, wait, wait, wait. Let's not slander bananas here

because it seems to be like- It could have been anything that was mashed up that was smeared into your eyeball that would have gotten infected. I'm watching the video right now. Maybe, but the potassium level of bananas is higher which causes it to clogged up. It didn't help.

It looked so good with two good eyes. I looked average. I'm watching it before. Now it's bad. Honestly, the amount of sex that I have has gone down so much because anytime you look deeply in somebody's eyes like my wife, I think she wants to vomit.

Yeah. You look like the guy- A lot of spoons. Always something about Mary when he gets all the boils on his face. They're called love blisters. Yeah. That's you.

Okay, guys on chicks. Okay, guys on chicks. Sup, big cat and Packers owner PFT. Thanks to you two and Hank after listening to the podcast where Hank said he could catch a fish with his bare hands. My husband has spent every trip to the lake sitting in the back of the boat throwing Doritos into the lake

claiming he's chumming the waters. He's seen two fish and swears he's close to grabbing one. It's a waste of time and more important Doritos. Please stop him as it's impossible. Okay. Quick going after the fish. No, it is impossible. If you're a bear it can work.

If they're swimming upstream, I don't think the fish are gonna jump out of the water for a tree that's floating on the top of it. This isn't a waste of time though. This just sounds like fishing. Like every time you fish you, I mean most of the time you fish you just sit there and wait for a fish.

The worst thing is gonna happen. You're gonna continue not to catch fish. The best thing happens you catch a fish. Right. You get that on video once. That's all you need to talk. You don't have to talk about the thousand times you missed. Right.

You caught a fish with your bare hands. With Doritos. Right. You know what's a lot of fun is trying to catch a duck from the side of a boat. What like a duck that's swimming by. You know you chum the water a little bit with some bread crumbs or something like that.

You'll never catch a duck though. Where do the dog? They're way too quick. Yeah. You're trying to catch ducks? Oh yeah, from the side of a boat you jump off into the water on a day on the lake. It's a lot of fun.

Are you a Labrador? Yeah, you never get your hands on them. They're too quick. They're too slippery. They'll fly away. There was this place in Florida called Strickland's Lake and they had like a eight foot platform that you could jump off into the water

and I would always bring bread and throw it under there. There'd be brim. And I used to always want to kill the fish to bring them to the side and like basically kill the fish with my butt cheeks. Do you want it to smother a fish with your asshole? Yes. Okay.

Be one way to know. Yeah. It's certainly get a nasty case of pink on it. Wow. All right. You give every fish in that particular lake conjunctivitis. I honestly feel bad for the people

that are gonna stay in the hotel after me because I've been using like a ragged face wash. Oh jeez. That's worse than I usually do at a hotel with a rag. Make sure to just use every single pillow in that place too. All right. You want me to read the next one?

Yes. All right. Here we go. This is the first football season my boyfriend and I have been together for. He's a Jets fan and he said he wanted to watch the game alone. After they lost, I texted him asking if he wanted me to come over.

He said no because he was too depressed. I offered him a BJ to make him feel better. He told me I have no sex drive right now. Asked when he would have. He said maybe never again. Is this what I have to deal with for football season? He's a Jets fan, yes. It's over.

As a Jets fan, it's awesome. Everything just increases. Have you ever said no to sex? I've said no to sex. People forget. One time, Dantro Willis was pitching and I said no. I'd rather go watch this guy.

Just twirl a gym up there. The only time I ever have is after a Spartan race. Yeah. I was just way too sore. Yes. All the Spartan races you do. How many have you done? I've done one, but I didn't even really complete it

because I rolled my ankle pretty fast. So I walk like the last three miles. Do you have the bumper sticker? No, I don't have the bumper sticker. I should have on there. Spartan racer. But just only put like half the bumper sticker on there. Yeah, this guy, this girl who texted in, it's over.

Like you have to just know that in some days, in the fall, your boyfriend as a Jets fan, he's going to be depressed. I'd say, what, like seven out of 10 times? Seven out of 10 times. Probably more than that. I would say if you're a Dolphins fan, probably nine out of 16 times.

Oh, nine? They'd be depressed nine out of 16 times. Yeah, so just date a Patriots fan. Yeah, or a Jax fan, or a Gardner. Yeah, right. So that fellow, especially Slim Cat, my friend, broke out with his 2.5 year girlfriend over the summer who happens to be my friend.

Now they fuck multiple times. She's completely not over him, but he doesn't think it's a big deal. I don't want to pick a side, but I don't know what to do. Okay, so they're still kind of together. Sounds like your buddy's having a good time. Okay, here's what you do. You get, you have to get a big knife

and present it to them while they're fucking and be like, you guys can either cut me in half and both get a half, or what is it, how does it go? It's Solomon, yeah. The question is Solomon, it's cut me in half and I want you guys to each share me. And then the one person that says, no, I don't want to saw a chaps down the middle.

Although the person that's getting the bad eye, I think knows that they're the loser of that relationship. Oh, you would cut them like that? Oh, vertically. You gotta go right to the stomach. You want his ass? Yeah, I'll take his ass. My ass stinks too.

All right, well, I'll do it. Okay, so yeah, you cut the man in half. Whoever you've been friends with longer. Yeah, well, here's how it's gonna work. The guy is going to hang out with his buddy still, and then if his girl, that's a friend, ever hits him up late at night with a U-Up, he'll go hang out with her.

So really, days are for the boys, nights are for the men. Nice. You like that? How are you getting back chaps? Are you taking a red-eye or? Okay. What's up, PMT boys, especially Uncle Daddy chaps. My BF and I have been dating a little over a year,

and he really wants the 69. I told him we'll do it eventually, but apparently that was not good enough answer. He started growing out of mustache. I hate mustaches, and said that he'll shave as soon as we 69, but it's gotten to the point where I'm starting to find it amusing at how badly he wants the 69.

Should I give in in 69 or keep holding out because nobody thinks that you can blackmail me into 69ing? Okay, first of all, he should shave the mustache before you 69 would be my advice. Why is it taking a year to 69? Yeah, it's like a long time. I kind of like where this is at though, because since it's been on the shelf for so long,

now it's a big thing, and he's going to keep wanting it and wanting it, so you can keep delaying when you're going to give it to him. Also, it's overrated. 69ing is a seven date move. Also, yeah. Date number seven. Also, because that's very specific. Because you don't, I mean, you don't.

Go through the first seven. Well, the first day, you're probably doing some heady petting, maybe even just like hand-holding to really get your heart flowing. Because I don't like to fuck on the first date like that. I'm not a slut. We don't slut shame. I don't, but sometimes.

So second date, probably the first time that we're just going to do missionary, I'm excited to be in a new pussy. That's the second date, okay. So I'm excited to be in some new vagina. So I'm going to nut real early. And then I've probably drank too much to get us to that point. So I'm probably going to fall asleep really quickly.

Okay, third date? Third, we perfect it. Fifth, we break out doggy. Fourth was just maybe like. Just regular sex and repeat a date number three. Okay. And then we have six is going to be experimental stuff, new positions, maybe just try to ask her

if she wants to do reverse cowgirl. Seventh date, let's do a 69. But it's going to be 69 with a caveat that she's on top because she's not ready for my butthole bite. That's date. She's not ready for the butt. Yeah, that's date 21. We're about side by side.

I still haven't tried that. So have you ever seen that show, The Americans? There was one episode that for some reason the daughter walks into the room and just Carrie Russell is 69-ing with her husband sideways. And she catches them doing that. I think that's probably the most traumatic thing

you can see your parents doing. Yeah, and that's just the terrible position of 69. What date? Yeah, really, the legs are, yeah. Yeah, what chaps, what date number are you on with your wife? We've had sex well over 1,500 times. Wow.

That's impressive. Yeah, next month will be 10 years of marriage. That's a record, yeah. Do you have like a bedroom wall that's got tallies on it, like a jail that you've been in? Something really special is going down for 2,000 but I'll keep that for the next time I come on. Side by side 69.

Nice, nice. But the answer to this question is he wants to 69 so bad, just do it because he'll come right away. If you're not 69 by the first year, you're never going to do it if you're a new lover. Yeah. That's my advice. Or just announce that you're not a 69 couple.

Because 69 for some people is very, very important. Is it? Crock, yeah. On this show. No, but it's not cool anymore. Crock's going to cool down for a little bit. I would say saying it is a joke. Yeah, I'd say Crock's still 69s.

69 is probably the porn category that could use the most work too. Yes, it is very underrepresented. Yeah. Represented. Represented. Because there's no one good camera angle for it. They've ever done a POV 69?

It's just butthole. That's too much. He's like a GoPro on the bottle. Yeah, you just get, oh, from the buttholes point of view. Yeah, you put a GoPro on your back facing up. Or what about one of those spy cams that you could just tape to your forehead like right in between your eyes?

Yeah, that's one of the cams. And the other one, yeah, is right on the tippy top of your butt crack facing towards your feet. So it's just two cams. So you see a nose and a nose. It's just two cameras touching each other. Yeah. You could probably even put one on the end of a butt plug,

actually put it in your ass. Oh, wait. That's not 69. What you talking about? It's a different genre. No, no, no, no. Oh, oh, oh, four and 69 videos. Yeah, four and 69.

So it could be in your ass to look there. Elevated angle, coming back, got it. Right, cause you need to have a good view. Yeah. Sup boys, especially big cat. Last weekend at a wedding, my boyfriend was too excited about the band saxophone player playing careless whisper. He picked me up, slipped, and my head went into a column.

I have a black eye. Oh. It could be so much worse. How long can I use this against him and his careless whisper forever ruined? I'd say you get to use it against him until he suffers some sort of facial injury. He can blame on you.

Yeah. I think however long it takes the black eye to heal times seven. The same to say black guy? Black eye, yeah. Black eye. Oh, so a weak times seven. Now she has a black eye on her face.

Yes, black eye. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, I like that. Seven weeks. Yeah, that's biblical too. Eye for an eye. You get to punch him in the face.

We shouldn't talk about eyes. I would prefer you not to throw in that. Hey, boys, it's special medical chapsie. I recently got engaged and went to meet my fiance's parents for the first time. When I was at their house, I accidentally walked in on my future mother-in-law in the bathroom.

She was completely naked sitting on the toilet. You can just see her. Her fucking old tits just hanging out. This is drooping. Oh, man. I respect the move of getting completely nude to use the toilet. This is a time where you hope your mother-in-law

is not attractive, right? Like if you have like an oddly hot mother-in-law, you don't want to see her tits and stuff. You're right. You don't? I don't think so. I don't think so. I think the female body is gorgeous in any form.

I wait so pooping or peeing. Is there anything else on this question? Yeah, how do I get past this and do I tell my man about it? Oh, you haven't told him? Yeah, it was a woman. Oh, well then you're fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's just girls in the locker room. Oh, that's normal shit. You should have just whipped her with a towel. Yeah. Hey, guys, tits. The weird part here is that you got engaged and then met the parents. Yeah.

Like so maybe the mother-in-law planted this like, hey, it took you this long to fucking meet us. You're going to meet all of us. And if she should go back in time, I wish that she would have just walked in and just sat on the counter while she's in there. Or sat on her lap and just talked about it. And then like, mind if I just get a crack here?

Yeah, how about this weather? You pooped just like your son. So the wedding, can't believe you guys don't have a bidet. Yeah, the floral arrangements. You should get a bidet on everything for $24. You guys thinking about doing like a pork roast in the buffet? Or are you thinking like a nice salmon? We can take this out.

But how is your mother-in-law's diarrhea doing? Every time she comes, it's something new. The best part of that is. By the way, this wasn't just like a random question. Chaps has long documented his mother-in-law's diarrhea. Well, McCartney likes to my. What's the tweet on account of the diarrhea? I would say, what was that about?

Oh, whatever. Yeah. Tell them. So my mother-in-law had diarrhea really bad Christmas. My wife makes this beautiful homemade pasta. And she makes it like twice a year because it's so much work. Making homemade pasta from scratch is not an easy job. So she makes it.

It's my favorite thing that she makes all year. And she makes it kind of as like a Christmas present to me. Well, it's all on the table. Fresh meat boss, fresh pasta, fresh sauce, all that. My mother-in-law comes sauntering down the stairs. And as soon as she gets to the bottom, she says, well, I don't believe I'll be having any dinner tonight on account of my diarrhea.

Christmas miracle. So is it going well? How's the diarrhea? I think she knows about the blogs now because she knows. I didn't think she knew anything about Barstool. You remember when Dave went on Tucker and he talked about AOC? That's how she found this. Yeah.

So she talked to AOC when he was talking about AOC. And she said, well, I saw Matt's boss on Fox News. And I'm just glad to hear that y'all won't be voting for AOC anymore. Oh, no. She's a congressman from New York. Right, we live in Texas. We live in Texas.

We didn't have the opportunity. And plus, he's my boss, not my dictator. Right, bro. Yeah. Yeah, he might just do that. Line bars. Now she thinks that it's because he was on Tucker that we're a very conservative group.

And so she then looked up Barstool and was like, uh-oh. But wait, the diarrhea. Was her first move to Google Barstool and her name to see the diarrhea story? I don't think she knows that much about Google. But if she ever does, honestly, I believe that our entire family's relationship will be fucked. I mean, because she's so Southern and Christian,

if he found out that I was talking about her diarrhea. Yeah, or having sex with her daughter 1,500 times. Or all the other dumb shit that I've done. Putting banana on your eye and never ruining it, making your girl grossed out on a peep. Yeah, my other coworkers pissing themselves. You'd be like, what kind of company? Wait, wait, wait, wait.

That was a long time ago. I only did it once out of twice. But she doesn't know the difference between real life and a prank. That's true. That was a prank. Yeah, it was a joke for the internet. So was her diarrhea.

Maybe it's like one of those things where she's googled diarrhea so much that her browser just feeds her content. Like she gets alerts on her phone. What if she downloads the diarrhea blog? If she gets a push notification. Yeah, she downloads the app and all my blogs come. Oh, yeah, you're done. I might have CPS in my house to take my children home.

Done, done, done. What were we talking about? Oh, yeah, the mom that was having a poo. Yeah. Everyone poops. Yeah. So Chaps, thank you. Everyone go listen to ZeroBlog30, your podcast.

It is the best military podcast out there. You always get great guests. You're always doing like, I always feel like you're doing way more important work than we are. Well, I think that ZeroBlog30 is a lot different because we just don't have jokes. Like for instance, this Friday's episode, we are going to have a dude who was a green beret,

retired as a general. He was the very first group that went into Afghanistan after 9-11. He was a green beret and went in on horseback, rode in from Pakistan to Afghanistan. He's going to tell us about that. We've got Marlon's man. So I mean, you tell me who does more.

But yeah, go download it. It's awesome. You can also hear him on Sirius every night with Kate, six to seven Chaps. It's been too long. Hopefully it won't be this long till the next time. But I'm going to say it until your eye gets fixed. You're not welcome back on.

No, that's fair. Yeah. Is it going to get fixed? Probably not. OK. All right. Well, see if never. Looks like you got stung by like a really big hornet.

Yeah. It's a banana dude. A single hornet. It looks like your eye, like you won't have an eye in a year. No, that's very likely. Yeah. This is like, ha, ha, ha, and then one day you're going to come in with a glass eyeball.

But it won't look gross, and he won't make us feel bad. Well, when the attending doctor, like the ophthalmologist, had to bring in like two other doctors that were hired. He was like, come check this out. He was like, let's look at this. And they legitimately stared through this fancy-ass machine for like 45 days. I've never seen one like this before.

You're going to end up in a textbook. And the guy goes, should we milk it? And I was like, what does he even know? Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Let's milk it for all its worth. Would you become a glass eye guy, or would you become an eye patch guy?

Or would you, the weird thing with like the glass, the one of your eyeglasses is just blacked out? If I could go back, if I could do it, if I have to lose my eye, what I'm going to do is get a QR code on it, where it's just where, like, you scan it, and it goes down the supply at 0, block 30. Yeah. I like that.

And you can. Or just your cash app. Just your cash app directly to it. Yeah. Perfect. All right, chaps, thanks so much. Thank you both. Love you guys.

Yeah. Let's go get it to the same side. Let's go get it to the same side. Let's go get it to the same side. Let's go get it to the same side. Take it on me. Take it on me. Take it on me.

Take it on me. Take it on me. Take it on me. Take it on me. Take it on me. Take it on me. Take it on me. Take it on me.

Take it on me. Take it on me. Take it on me. Take it on me. Take it on me. Take it on me. Take it on me. Take it on me.

Make me live harder. Make find your life with it. Take it on me. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh, ooh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh