Pardon My Take - Rob Riggle + Mt Rushmore Of Months

Episode Date: August 29, 2018

We stayed late to watch Hard Knocks so we could review episode 4 and yeah Todd Haley/Gregg Williams are huge dicks. Cajuste has jerk off crystals and no one really knows what Hue Jackson does (2:21 - 9:52). Odell Beckham's contract + Hot Seat/Cool Throne (9:52 - 24:52). Mt Rushmore of Months (24:52 - 35:01). Comedian/Actor Rob Riggle joins the show to talk about his new project, being a marine while being in SNL, "making" it in show business and his Kansas City Chiefs (35:01 - 72:06). Segments include Talking Tennis, Protect the Shield for Jerry Jones, Stay Woke does Australia even exist? And Guys on Chicks. You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take, we have actor Rob Riggle, awesome interview with Rob Riggle, really fun time, great guy. We also have Mount Rushmore of Months, yes, the Mount Rushmore of Months, guys on chicks and we just watched Hard Knocks, so we're going to do a little Hard Knocks review before we get to all of that.

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Our lovely award winning listeners, we stayed up for the fam and my biggest take away from hard knocks is that Todd Haley and Greg Williams combined are the meanest sons of bitches in the world. Yeah, that's what makes this season so awesome is they fucking hate Hugh Jackson. They hate everyone. They hate, well especially kickers, Todd Haley. I actually think, so he referred to the Browns kicker Gonzalez, is that his name? He made a 54 yard field going, nice job you fucking kicker.

Nice job you fucking kicker. A kicker's ceiling with Todd Haley is him hating you. That's as much as he'll ever love you. And then Greg Williams just, he dog cusses, he's a dog cusser. God damn it, what the fuck man, you fucking bitches, what the fuck are you thinking? Right. It's just over and over again. Over and over and over, they are, they injury shame like no other, Hugh Jackson is the beta

in this entire relationship. Hugh Jackson from what I've understood from this hard knocks is just around there to make a couple jokes every now and then. Well, and he does a great job of keeping the guys loose like that rookie show is really good. Yeah. I actually think Hugh Jackson has a future as like a Lorne Michaels. He's just been like putting together the perfect comedy troupe of a football team for

the last three years. Yes. The rookie show was the highlight of the episode. I actually should back up. Hugh Jackson, he is there to make people laugh every now and then and also call Josh Gordon by random animal names that we don't understand. So like a couple of weeks ago, he's like the eagle has landed. And then we started off this episode being like the dolphin, the dolphin is in the building.

I was like, wait, is he talking about Jarvis? What is he talking about? And then there's Josh Gordon. Yeah. So Hugh Jackson, I don't know where he comes up with this shit, but he seems like he's almost like that annoying guy at the office who just kind of walks around trying to make conversation with everyone and everyone's like, dude, we got a job to do. Please leave us alone.

I've never been more sure of anything in my life than the fact that Hugh Jackson says see you next year to his players when they leave on December 31st. Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. What about Todd Haley? If Hugh Jackson is an animal guy, Todd Haley is a mode of transportation guy. Yes. This guy, he's a sports car.

This guy, he's a rocket. And it was all just an injury shit. Yeah. It was like, don't get injured. Yeah. It's just like things that break down when they're hurt. Yeah. What do you think Brogan Roback would be?

Well, the donkey that you ride, Bearback. It's funny that Brogan Roback, like he was a star of episode one and now they realize they're not even going to play him. That it's like, okay, we'll give him this shot of him going up to Aaron Andrews and that's about it. Yeah. For the last two episodes, all that he's done is just hit on people. Right.

Just hit on random girls. Right. It's like, all right. Okay. We had Bob Wiley's stomach come back, which they played the hits. Hard Knocks knows how to get us going again. They're like, hey, Bob Wiley's stomach when he says hut is probably the greatest tape of all time.

Let's do it again. I want super slow-mo on that next time. Dude, I said if they have a lockout, if they have an NFL lockout ever again, God forbid, God forbid, just have Bob Wiley saying hut into a slow motion camera for like 14 hours on Sunday afternoon. That should be the new, oh, Sunday nights, hut, hut, hut, hut. Somebody should sample Bob Wiley in a rap song, which would be ironic because he hates rap music.

He said no fewer than, I think, four or five times in this series that he doesn't understand the words in rap music. Yes. Yeah. Turn that damn music down. It's unusual. Like, looking at Bob Wiley, you'd be like, this guy gets the trap. Oh, yeah.

He for sure does. He also said humans haven't developed in 200,000 years. Yes. Yes. Yes. Facts. Yeah. And then the last thing, the biggest takeaway, or the last takeaway that we had was cajusti.

Cajust. Mm-hmm. So everyone's rooting for him. His father had three heart attacks that we know of, and he also is a big time junk science guy because he was harnessing the power of the moon in one scene and then had his jerk off crystals in the next. Yeah. He's got an entire room of crystals.

Just rubbing them up against each other like, man, this will teach me how to block. I would like to hear him explain to NASA just how much money he's spent on geodes. Yes. In his life. Yes. It doesn't, like, every year they have this, it's one guy you get really attached to and then they end up cutting him. I hope it's not him.

I think he might make the team, and I actually do kind of believe in the crystals. Like the harnessing of the crystal powers probably was going to get him on the team. Either that or the full moon. If he can play every game, he can be like a spot guy. You know, some guys rush with the passer on third down. He's just your full moon guy. Right. Once a month, he will give you a hell of a game.

He didn't really explain how the full moon only affects him and nobody else, but that doesn't matter. I think he was willing to share the power of the moon if anyone wanted. If anybody else wanted to get down there. Yeah. Kind of went up to Baker and was like, check out that moon dude, do you want, do you want in on this? I can get you some moon.

And Baker was like, nah. And then what happened? He threw an interception. Yeah, exactly. So should have taken advantage of the moon. Point could used in junk science. Uh huh. Okay, so the other thing we had before we get to our hot seat cool throne and Rob Briggle

and all that stuff is Odell Beckham. Yes. The highest paid wide receiver, 65 million guaranteed. Something like that. 65 million overall. Uh, do you like it or not? Uh, real answer. Oh yeah.

What the hell? Why not? It's that they kind of had to pay him. So like, is it a good decision? No, probably not. Right. But what else were they going to do? It's, it's, that's exactly my thoughts.

It's like, you have to pay him because he went healthy is you can make the argument the best wide receiver, uh, in the NFL, obviously you could throw in Antonio Brown and Julio Jones. But you don't win Super Bowls by paying wide receivers that much. That's true. Yeah. The money can just doesn't happen. My favorite part of the story is that, so there were some rumors earlier in this offseason that there were teams that were interested in trading for them and one of the teams sent

a private investigator to tail them. Yes. Like do their, their background research. Like the dude that, that went to Oklahoma State and just hung out in the bar and, and counted the number of times that Justin Blackman came in. This dude had an awesome assignment. Just like follow Odell to Yacht Week, uh, go to cocaine parties. Yeah.

Lie in the bed with pizza and cocaine allegedly the best room in the world. Yes. Uh, probably spend some time in Columbia. Who knows what else was going on. But I, yeah, that, that is a sweet job. If there, if any team out there is looking for a private investigator to fall around hard part of yours. Let me know.

Yes. I'm your guy. Yes. And, uh, one last thing about Odell, I did love the videos of him like partying because I feel like when guys sign these contracts, they do the old, you know, oh, well, I'm just happy to be here. I'm happy to have my opportunity and like, you know, it all worked out and it's credit to the Mara family, all that.

No, you signed a $95 million contract. You better, you better be right. I'm taking off my shirt and going crazy in the locker room. Yep. That's exactly what I was. Yes. That, that is how I want to see a guy celebrate a contract. Yes.

And then the cocaine later. And then save that for when the cameras. Yes. Exactly. Make sure that, you know what he should invest in? He's got enough money. He's got one of those. What are those bombs that they used in oceans 11 where just it cuts off the electricity?

There's no explosion. I don't. I never saw him move. The skiff. The skiff. Okay. Well, there's like a bomb that you can set off that doesn't have an explosion, but electronics don't work around it.

He should just walk around with one of those things on them. Yes. It's like a jammer. Yeah. Just jam all the electronics. Yes. Absolutely. Okay.

Let's get to hot seat, cool throne. Uh, who would like to start? Who would like to start? Why don't you go first? Yeah. Okay. All right. I'll really start.

My hot seat. Before beauty. My hot seat. Yeah. Louis CK. Oh, yeah. Very bold. Hey, guys, did you hear this?

Did you hear about this one? More like Louis J.O. Oh, did you hear about this one? Did you hear this one? Mm-hmm. Louis CK, uh, tried to perform in front of some people without giving, without their consent. And he made them watch.

Yeah. I did hear about that one. I did hear about that. Yeah. So Louis CK is on the hot seats. Uh, he was part of the Me Too movement because he had a fondness for masturbating in front of women without their consent, which is pretty much the creepiest thing you can do. And then he went and did stand up on, what, Tuesday night?

One day night? Tuesday night. Yeah. Monday night. A little, a little, uh, surprise set for Louis CK, uh, and people are none too pleased with this. I wonder, we actually wondered this because we were like, Louis CK should just send us all his good ideas and we can just test them out for him while he's in hiding.

I think he should have stayed in hiding for a little bit longer. Well, we were, we were thinking about this like six months ago, wondering how long it would take for people to be like, you know what he's done his time. I thought it would be a matter, I thought it would be years before he reared his ugly head. It was like months. But Louis likes to rear his ugly head sooner than people would expect. Yeah.

I, I have a theory though that it was because Aziz Ansari did a couple sets in Milwaukee. So he was like, all right, well, now it's time. We're all, we're all back. I'm actually shocked he didn't address it because Louis CK's thing is to talk about all the like fucked up stuff and things and does, well, that's, I don't know about you, but I always thought that he was exaggerating sometimes when he talked about his creep. Turns out he probably was exaggerating. Like on the other side, he was understating it.

Right. It was like an arsonist going back to watch their fire. Yeah. Like Louis CK was just doing his standup set, talking about how creepy he was, but he was actually doing it in real life as well. Yeah. Yeah. So very strange.

My other hot seat is PFT's red phone. Wait, before we, before we get to that, I like where this is going. I just want to say for the record, we are anti sexual assault on this podcast. Correct. If you're going to masturbate in front of someone, make sure that they want that. Yes. And also sex instead of masturbating in front of people, just have sex with them? No, I'm saying like if, if you are in a relationship with a woman, it's a mutually, you know, you

both are wanting to have sex and whatnot and here to for and what, what, what have you sex instead of masturbating in front of them. Usually is the play. Maybe. Yeah. Well, that's true. Maybe this is a big misunderstanding. And Louis was just joking.

Oh yeah. We learned about joking. True. That's what he should say. We know that he's a, he's a fitness buff. Yes. Uh, he's, he's got a great bod. Uh, he was just, he was rubbing it and it accidentally went off a few times.

How long do you think Louis CK now goes back into hiding? He has to. This is like, Louis CK is essentially the groundhog in, in Puxitani here with the Louis CK came out, saw his own shadow, go back in your whole Louis CK. Here's the danger of the bill, marrification of standup comedians is now Louis CK is going to think that it's fun and cool to just show up in random places, crash people's weddings. Well, that's what Louis, no, you're not, standup comedians do that all the time. It's actually kind of cool.

It's very funny. Yeah. All the time. Yes. All the time. Yeah. You're swag phone. PFT is very pleased with his new red phone.

Yeah. It's red. It's actually reminds me of your member when the iPhone came out and like you, you got that free shitty U2 album downloaded. Yeah. U2 phone. By the way, that's what you have. You have the U2 phone.

That's, that's a crime. Yeah. Against humanity is to like give you a, where I come from, like you get into a fight over that. If someone hands you a phone, it's got U2 on it. Yeah. Just like, Hey, all your music. It's just U2.

I don't want that. Actually, big cat. So it's a red phone. Technically, it means that I support AIDS charities. So I saved a life today. Interesting. By using my red phone. Did you?

What have you done? How much money did your red phone cost? And how much of it? It doesn't matter. No, there's no figure too, too big. In the wildest part, you didn't even get an iPhone X. You just got an iPhone 8 in red or seven, whatever it is. Now you're poor shaming me.

No, I'm not. It was more expensive. You have to get the iPhone. You got a huge red phone. Mm-hmm. You, you. Yeah. Yeah.

Sir. Sir. The red phone. Sir. The big red phone. So basically, I have the nuke codes. You do? Yes.

Sir. Sometimes, whenever I see it ring, I like to think that it's the, like, secretary of defense being like, do you want to launch this? Yes. Yeah. And it's like, no, actually, your wings have just arrived, sir. Yeah. That's actually what it is every time.

Every time. All right. My cool throne is Keanu Reeves because he is part of a meme again, which he was originally like 10 years ago, the sad Keanu. Now he's filming John Wick 3 and there's probably the most badass picture that has ever been taken is on the internet of Keanu Reeves riding a horse down, I think, a New York City street holding a gun to a motorcyclist's head ready to shoot his head off. And that has become a meme.

And I think that that is like, if you were an agent in Hollywood, it's not, we need to make a big blockbuster. We need to figure out a way to make you a meme so that you can get back into culture. Yeah. That's why SpongeBob is so successful. It does work like that. No, that's exactly how it works. That's why guys like SpongeBob is like, we got to infiltrate, we got to re-infiltrate

the people's imagination. Yeah. No. Hank, have you ever even watched an episode of SpongeBob? That's exactly what they thought. I honestly think, okay, embrace the bait. Do you think it is better for your career to be in a blockbuster movie that makes, let's say, $500 million or be in the coolest meme of all time?

Coolest meme of all time. All time. Easy. Easy answer. You get forgotten about the next day, though. No, you just come and dough. No, at least like two weeks of burn time because all the cool people use it at first and then it gets around to us old people like two weeks later and then we run into the ground for

like a year. Yeah. No one would know who Michael Jordan was if he didn't cry. That's very true. That is true. That's true. Facts. Facts.

So yeah. That's what you guys are like, bro. Good to have you. Instead of actually putting out a movie, it should just be a still frame of that shot and then playing that really dramatic, d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d. No matter what you put that to it. Beethoven's Fifth. Yeah, Beethoven's Fifth.

Mmhmm. Beethoven's Sixty-Nine Symphony. Yes. That could be the entire movie and I'd be satisfied. Yes. Absolutely. I'm ready for John Wick three. I'm not going to see it, but I'm ready for it.

I'm ready. Have you seen the first two? You would hate the opening scene. It should be the dog Nick cage. Oh, yeah That's how it's a cart. That's why he goes on the entire rampage is they killed his dog. Oh, and that's actually a good plot Yeah, yeah, I like that. All right, so if you want to go it was worth the death of his dog Is that where you're saying? No, I'm saying that the man wasn't worth it But as long as you went and spent two hours getting vengeance. That's the entire plot. Yeah, at least we have that okay Cool. Yeah, so my first hot seat is going to be my hot seat is tailgating my first one

Actually, it's my only one The chiefs have started a new policy where the after the game starts There's gonna start kicking people out of the parking lot It's gonna affect all the tailgates chiefs fans are very upset I feel like it could just be the beginning of the end where like as teams and Schools start to worry about safety and blah blah blah blah. They're gonna slowly outlaw tailgates So there's a little thing called the first amendment which guarantees your right to peacefully assemble So I'm pretty sure that's illegal and if someone just has private property around the stadium

It'll be like Buffalo where they just have that everyone tailgate there. Mm-hmm. They can't kick you all out This is that's what you say This is a classic case of like they're enacting a new policy just to scare people and they're not gonna actually do it They essentially you're like we let's make a policy so that we can get all the 18 year olds to get too drunk at the tailgate To make sure that they like don't do stupid shit during the game because they'll get scared and be like, oh, no We're gonna get arrested. Mm-hmm. Meanwhile, they're not gonna do anything. Yeah The tailgate is like watching an NFL game live on expert mode, right? You can go into the stands where there's security and there's like bathrooms and all this clean stuff and hand sanitizer

Or you could watch it out in the parking lot getting blind drunk with no security whatsoever Yes, and just like a large truck that you pee behind. Yeah, they're not gonna do it My cool throne is UCF national champions. Mm-hmm. So it it's official They are now recognized in the NCAA 2018 record book as what? 2017 national champions. No. Yes. My brain is so small that when when Hank said the NCAA record book I just thought he's talking about the video game. Yeah, no, they haven't made that game for like five years, right? There's no way. That's not sure 2017 Alabama College will play off AP and then asterisk asterisk, okay, UCF

Interesting right underneath. Oh, so it's recognized by the official rule book They could also be on the hot book. They could also be on the hot seat because in two days or one day if you're listening It's right on Wednesday, which you are the civil conflict. Yeah, you con versus UCF That's my favorite college football the trophy that that got left behind because UCF didn't even want to partake in the civil Conflict you con invented a game. They invented. What was the the green zone? What was it? No, that was not Chris Collins worth. Yeah, they invented like inside the 22 yard line 22 yard red zone Yeah, and there was another thing. It's all Bob. Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, and then yeah USF was like we don't want you know

We don't want this shit and they put up a big clock being like countdown to the civil conflict They put it up in the middle of July. Yeah, and then UCF was like actually Florida and Connecticut. Yes All right, is that it Hank? That's all you got great job. Hey, good job My first hot seat is Jerome Bettis's restaurant Because big Ben is opening up a restaurant right next to Heinz Field and that's right. They're definitely will not be Windows in the in the bathrooms. Definitely Like Jerome. That's like Jerome Bettis. No, his bouncer is going to be the guy that broke Todd Haley's hip

Yeah, that's all that we know so far. Yes. Um, so I I'm convinced that big Ben is just opening a restaurant Because he looks at it as a giant living room that he can hang out with whenever he retires Mm-hmm. So all he wants is just a big place with fatty food. Yeah sports on TV Big Ben is gonna gain like 150 pounds. He's gonna be so fat. Yeah, so so so fat. He's gonna be like Ron Dane Oh my god. Yeah, I do think Ben's gonna have like a special menu item where you know You can order a beer at a beer garden in the boot like a walking boot that you can fill with beer if he's smart He will he yes except he probably is gonna have that like lady who manages Twitter account to the menu As you should be no fun. Yeah, like peanut butter and jelly. Yeah starters that you don't want to spend any money on right

That's I actually could probably go off for a while about different menu items at Big Ben. We'll make the menu. No sliders No slide. No slide. None. Big Ben does not. Yeah. Yes. My other hot seat is tough love Okay, because Hugh Jackson's pissed off that Greg Williams is calling his players stupid in the media So Greg Williams was insulting one of his defensive players who got they injured their back making a tackle and Greg Williams was like Well, that's cuz he tackles stupid and he doesn't listen to me when I tell him how to tackle correctly facts If you watched it, he actually did tackle stupid tackle dumb. Yes, and Hugh Jackson said we don't say that We don't talk about our players like that in the media. Okay, so I'd say I mean Greg's got all the leverage

There are six other jobs that he turned down as he said on hard knocks to take the bronze one I'm sure that that's actually a very very true statement But what is what is Hugh Jackson's issue? Like did he not know what he was getting with a great one? What did he not expect Greg Williams to call his players stupid? Yeah, that's kind of what he does. Yeah I would agree only move. Yes. He's just handling things out of house Also, it's also pretty like in the mode of Greg Williams to be upset that his players got injured They didn't injure the other player. That's also true. Right. Yeah, that's so that's why Williams 101 You you have to knock out the other player not yourself. Yeah injure the other guys back

That's tackling smart like great way It's like if you adopt a dog and you're upset that you have to let it out to piss twice a day Mm-hmm, like that's what Hugh Jackson is doing. It's being mad at Greg Williams for being an asshole Yeah, it's a person I when I adopted Stella We were standing at the like it like getting the signing the papers and everything and the woman was on the phone And I was like, okay. Yeah, you can bring it back You can bring it back hung up and I was like what just happened like oh well Someone adopted a dog and the dog barked and they didn't they wanted to bring it back. Yeah

Yeah, what Hugh Jackson is doing with Greg Williams. Yeah, you got a dog. They bark. They call their players stupid Yes, my cool throne is American soccer Because Cristiano Ronaldo's son is now playing for Juventus under nine and he was born in San Diego So he's an American citizen. Nice. So I gotta assume that Ronaldo born in San Diego Because Ronaldo probably has a child born in every single state that has over a million people in it Okay, or a city that has over a million people. Yeah, so he's like the Johnny Apple seed for the future of US soccer That's pretty nice. We just need Cristiano Ronaldo to impregnate just as many women as possible. Yes He's like a robot though. I don't even think he he just he his son is a robot his son

Yeah, really, but Cristiano is a robot. Are you saying he got his robot genes from his dad? Yes. Is he good? Probably because I'm pretty sure he like it wasn't to his girlfriend or something like he got a surrogate mother Oh to have the kid and then he just raised He's like Lieben's born in Nazi Germany. He's just spreading his seed all around Yeah, he's like he's making the the best soccer players in the world Well, as long as he doesn't in America Germany has had a historically great soccer true Is if he if he has all his robot kids in America, I'm cool. I'm totally fine with that And they'll be all walking around with with tiny shorts with their big quads hanging out everywhere. Yeah, okay

I'm buying short shorts are back in the next 18 years. We're gonna win the World Cup. Yeah, 25 years my other cool throne is Bengals defensive tackles so the Cincinnati Bengals just gave huge contracts to both their defensive tackles Geno-ackens and the other guy that's not you know, Akins Mm-hmm, but it's it's actually a very smart strategy because everyone always says the Bengals are the cheapest team in football Yep, which they are But by making these big contracts to positions that you can never really tell if a defensive tackle is a bust You know I'm saying yeah, like they're kind of hiding their money there

They said okay, we gave a big contract, but it's to people you'll never hear their names again Right, it's like it's like if you get a Christmas bonus and you buy like a huge furnace, right? They just lean up on people. Yeah, as long as they keep leaning up on people You're good. Yeah, as long as they're not injured or getting into car accidents by driving 120 miles an hour and stomping on players faces and What else did Albert Haynes with to know? I thought you're talking about Sue for a second. No, no, no No, that's our friend. He exhibits many of the same traits. Yeah, but Haynes was bad. Yes. Yes. He was the bad one Okay, let's go to our Mount Rushmore. This one is going to be interesting. Let's just say that mm-hmm It is the Mount Rushmore of months

Liam we need you to decide who goes first. It's very important Baba Let's go big cat Hank PFT. Okay Okay, real quick before we get started. How many people had to Google months out of the year to get all 12 of them? I Just range my list and I had to count it out like yeah, I'll tell her I just wrote down six So hopefully we don't go any farther than six Um, okay first pick is the easiest pick in the world October. Okay, we all knew no

I mean, it is the best month of the year. You have the fall you have football being awesome You have playoff baseball. You have NBA and NHL It is the only month where all four sports are playing. It's the best month of the year Yeah, okay, we knew you were gonna say that yeah because it's the best month here Oh, and by the way, you like wearing sweater by the end by the end by the end of the month you get free candy Mm-hmm, which is awesome and you get to dress up in your slutty Halloween costumes. Okay, Hank See it's tough because it's it's also it's like a Strategically, yeah, but welcome now rush. Wow. It took you all the way till August

How this is I knew I have different answers than you guys. Uh-huh usually, okay? This is obviously yeah, it's tough There's only 12 I'm going to PFT get that fucking red phone out of here Jesus he read the red phone keeps blowing up Who the hell needs you I'm getting I'm getting random face times. Yeah, because you got the red phone Yes, it's so swag. It's the curse of the red phone. All right, Hank. You're going June June Would you like to say anything about June getting of summer? It's also the month I was born in the beginning of summer You have the whole summer in front of you the weather is nice

May May is whatever but the weather in June is always consistently nice beginning of the summer So it's not like August or July when you know like this is too hot or summer's coming to an end Which is kind of depressing. It's like it's like the everything's in front of you counterpoint. No football Well, I'm gonna I'm gonna agree with most of what Hank said, but you leave out the fact that no holidays Yeah, and no flag day. No, no real holidays that you get off. Yeah Well, so I'm gonna take May which is June with a holiday in it. Okay, so May is not as warm But it's perfect weather. It's like, you know, 80 degrees You catch your first tan

Yeah, it's great you're not No, May is May is great a lot of showers in May. No that no there are flowers in May You're thinking of April. No, but it's usually showers stick around. Okay. My second is gonna be January So you've got college football play playoffs. You've got NFL playoffs. You've got birthday week most importantly I'm not a narcissist. So I don't really care about my day MLK holiday. Yeah, you get a three-day weekend in there It's the winter. Yeah You're not a narcissist. You don't really care about your birthday. No, I don't so what how did birthday week birthday? We know it's not birthday week. It's not about me. Yeah, it's about about it's about the whole week with

Celebrating Danny Woodhead big cat Danny Woodhead. Just happened to be at the bookend. Who else Shawn McVeigh Shawn McVeigh birthday week Yeah, it's not I've never said my name. Wait, you just did you because your birthday? Yeah, I know I thought you're taking a shot at me. No Hank. It's called it's called PFT it's called birthday is a Mexican standoff right now With a WE not birthday me with an Emmy. Yeah, okay. All right. Got it Hank I'm gonna go with September. Mmm. That was gonna be my next one. Good choice beautiful fresh like say no more fam New new new school clothes. Mm-hmm. Football's gonna start. Yeah. All needs to be said. Yeah, no Chris great pick Hank

Okay, I'm going with November because football and Thanksgiving and it's that also a lot of football like when it really starts picking up You get the college games where it's like rivalry week is in November and Thanksgiving is the best holiday And then I will go with March because of March madness. Okay. I'm just going gambling months, but yeah, I Will go with the summer because as a vacation guy, that's when you get the biggest also football. Yeah I mean if I had my first four picks it would have just been October September November December. Okay, so now we're running out of football month

We're running I think we're officially out of football months now shit you go preseason. I'm gonna go with July Okay, I like July. It's it's the vacation month if you've worked in corporate America ever Nothing happens in an office between the month or between the date of like June 15th and August 15th Yes, it's out. It's away from my desk automatic message city And there is football in July and you have the 4th of July, which is a great holiday shout out to America Okay, so for my last pick I'm going to go With we're running out. We're running real low guys. Wait, how Wait, so what all shit, okay, nevermind. I just did the math

Yeah, all the all the Somebody's in my head the whole time I was like so there'll be two left over months. We're good So for my last one I'm gonna go with February. Okay got the Super Bowl. Okay, you got president's day Mm-hmm, so you've got some time off work. It's the shortest month Yep for those of you that get paid twice a month That means more pay for fewer days worked and it's got Valentine's Day So everyone's getting laid so you got the whole winter. Everyone's fucking. Yeah, did anyone do April? No No, I got a course not okay 20 bro. Great. All right, cool. So I'll go I actually didn't think that I would get this

I'm gonna admit to any more crimes on April would be the last pick but August is not that bad I mean football is coming back. That's when football is back August So probably the best month when you think about it because you have all the football in front of you You hate August. Yeah, but all the football in front of you. Yeah, think about that. Yeah So it's only a good month because the good months are almost no, but you just get it all excited And there's also college football in August. So All right, that's our rush more of months. That was that was actually a pretty good Mount Rushmore guys Listen, I think that me and big cat had very very strong Mount Rushmore's. No, you know what?

I'm not gonna sway the voters and say anything. I thought Hank did a great job Super job everyone vote at part of my take And remember Mount Rushmore season is just about over Friday is our last Mount Rushmore We already have one plan But if anyone wants to throw in a late late pick for what we should do We're open but fear not because the end of Mount Rushmore season means the start of power ranking season and also football So we can just rank things one through four. Mm-hmm. Okay before we get to Rob Riggle we have a quick word from DirecTV for over 20 years DirecTV has been the exclusive home to

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You'll be able to enter every week and PFT and I will be playing against you guys all season There'll be a season-long leaderboard and top the top three winners at the end of the season will win a trip To the Barstool Super Bowl party in Atlanta and you get to sleep in PFT's room. Not only that that actually says it Wait, you get to sleep in my room sleep in PFT's room. All right. Yeah, what the hell? Let's get weird It doesn't say that not only that but places for through 50 will win an autographed PMT car stick That was made famous by Hank and we're going to be giving out cool weekly prizes to week one We're giving away blank. It just says blank. So we'll have to figure it out probably something from my pile Mm-hmm. So we're gonna give away something free from my pile

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That's that's that's insulting. That's that's screwed up actually It's more it's insulting to you if you have that yes, and plus there's a remarkable lack of intelligence I'm gonna throw a little something on top. You ready for this. I just gave away free stuff I gave away the contest we're doing every year new $20 bonus when you make your first deposit on fan duel come play with us at fan duel comm slash PMT That's fan duel comm slash PMT twenty dollar bonus play us all year $250,000 free survivor leave league sign car stick sleep in my room PFT's bedroom We'll tell ghost stories all at fan duel comm slash PMT give you some joking tips. Yep. Okay. Here's Rob Brickle

Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest. It is Rob Brickle very special very special. Thank you I do say that to everyone just just the heads up. You shouldn't tell people that probably then yeah Now do you do you think I say it's everyone or do am I fucking with you? No, I think you said that Oh, yeah, I do So Rob Brickle he is he has you know him from basically a million movies TV everything Fox NFL Sunday But he has a new thing coming out Rob Brickle ski master Academy. Let's talk about that real quick hell. Yeah. Yeah, so what is this shit? It's it is the funniest thing ever made

Probably in the history of mankind. Okay, and I don't feel like people will probably say Brickle It's kind of a girl stating it, right? Nope. I'm not And you can be the judge. Okay. Go to Sony Crackle. Oh, it's free It's free right to have no excuse. No all eight episodes. You can watch them today It's free. You can't be a hundred percent off. Yeah, that's true. Yeah So Sony Crackle check it out free. It's got a bunch of people you know as well Jamie Lynn Sigler. Mm-hmm. She is from Sopranos. Absolutely finished Sopranos. Yes. Okay. We won't spoil it for you then All right, so will you also? Oh Haley Joe Osmond to have you finished the sixth sense? Yes, okay?

Don't spoil that as well. We're not gonna do any spoilers. He's dead the whole day Yeah, check it out. Rob Brickle ski master Academy on Sony Crackle. Okay. I'm gonna start with a really hard question Let it down. Do you actually think Patrick Mahomes is gonna be a good quarterback? Yes, why because I'm a chiefs fan, right? But he's got a big arm. He's got a big arm, but he doesn't he's gonna do anything else through a 70 yard pass off balance He's got a howitzer hanging off his shoulder now There for with the right coaching and the right opportunity Andy Reed's to your coach. Yep

Okay Look, he's got Tariq Hill. He's got Watkins. He's got Sammy Walker Travis Kelsey Yep, he's got and and Kareem in the backfield to help out with the running. I feel I feel very confident There's no reason he shouldn't do well, are you worried that Sammy Watkins is in a cult in a cult? Yeah, he's in a cult I didn't know that. Yeah, look it up. He's he's very easy. He has a very interesting posting history. Oh, I know that Allegedly, I don't have a name or can we say I don't know what the name of the cult? Yeah bust wide receiver. Yeah Clemson's underachievers. That's not a real real cult. Who's in it? I like how you said that you listed all these guys

But then you you know forget the fact that the chiefs went what was it like two calendar years without throwing a touch Down to a wide receiver. Wow. Why would I remember that? Like I said, I'm a chiefs fan I try to forget these things. Yes, but I do think that Tariq Hill. Yeah, we still win. Uncoverable. We still went We still like one. Yeah, majority of our game. Yeah. Yeah, so it's silly always feels like the chiefs could they're like the Let's make some noise team every year. Every you know what we consistently Make the playoffs. We do we just don't do anything once we get there Well, sometimes you do stuff in the first half of the first game against the Colts and then you just Or that was rough or you guys bring up all the dark. Have you met Andy? Uh-huh. What do you smell like?

Hogi What color Hawaiian shirt was he wearing? No, I he had a he had on his traditional red chiefs windbreaker. I think okay No, he was very nice. I met him once, you know, it was in passing But he was very nice He took time to say hi and and made a little small talk and then moved on about his business Okay. All right. So yeah, I mean we we had to get the chief stuff out of the way I am going to be on the I don't think Patrick Mahomes gonna be a good quarterback side of history

So I'm gonna stamp my I'm gonna put my flag in that's so easy. Yeah, it's easy, of course Because he's unproven. Okay. He is it's his second year. It's his first year to start It's a second year in the league. So of course, he doesn't have the experience and other so of course, it's easy to go It ain't gonna work because It's the high percentage play 80% 80% 70% of the quarterbacks don't pan out to be superstars marquee players So it's that's an easy bet. You're just you're just playing the odds. Yeah, although I'm not I'm a chiefs fan So I don't have much choice. I gotta believe. Yep, and why not be positive. I'm gonna say screw it I think I think I do it

I do think that if you have Terry kill who can just run a straight line faster than basically anybody in the league and Patrick Mahomes who can throw the ball as far as anybody in the league if you give him enough time He should be able to make some good plays this year. Their time will be great And when you have that thing, you know, how you stretch out the defense, right? They got a cover for they got a plan for Tariq which opens up Walkins doing the flag and post and then opens up the ten yard routes for Kelsey But then you throw Kareem and doing the run and then they got to try to jam the box when you start running Now we got their defense all confused all spread out. I think the chiefs offense could be good this year

Wow, that's a pretty good impression of an analyst. Yeah No, I by the way, I don't even know what I said. I'm just kind of making it up. Yeah. Well, that was yeah, Terry Bradshaw Exactly, exactly. So are we gonna get so the NFL Fox on Sunday hit that we were huge football guys, obviously We love watching feed all the pregame shows. How long does it take to do those? You wouldn't a lot you put a lot more effort than Frank Caliendo who's also a friend of us Yeah, I love Frank Frank's great and and nobody does what Frank does better. He does, you know, that's his thing I do different stuff. So when I came on, you know, that first the first couple they were like Well, do it like Frank did it for the last seven years or eight years and I was like, I I can't do Frank

Because nobody does Frank as well as Frank does. Yeah, so I do sketch So I'm gonna do sketches, right and then they finally let me do my thing, right fine But yeah, I you know, we start writing we had come up with a concept or whatever early in the week We start writing it We see what happens during the week in case anything breaks And then we we try to shoot it on Friday edit it on Saturday and put it up on Sunday When you first started you tell him that you were getting impressions. Is that like it? Were you sure signing up as the next Frank Caliendo? No, no matter if I think I got the gig cuz Frank left

You know, he wanted out so he left and I had hosted the Espeys that year, right? And so it was I hosted the Espeys in July football seasons coming around and They came to me and asked me if I wanted to do it and I jumped on it because I think that's one of the fun It shows out there. Yeah, have any of the guys ever gotten mad at you? No, that's the that's the funny thing They're such a silly group of guys too because I love I love them all and we we do actually talk and text each other and stuff And they're they're great guys And really genuine they're all really genuine guys But they're funny because if you bust their bust their balls, you know, they they are like, hey, what's a slowdown really?

No, no, no, no, you didn't play in the league. I don't give them a hard time. They're like, what's up, really? You didn't say anything about me this week. You're like really give me a break, you know So I do try to give them a hard time, but I don't make it ugly. You know, I try to keep it fun Right, right. So do you do you ever think that they're doing fake laughs? I Don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I can't tell because they laugh so much Yeah, it's a fake laugh or they their brain has just become one long fake. I think I'm just on Molly all the time Just constant laughing on that set so I I will say though even in the hallways because I don't go every Sunday But every now and then I'll go down there even in the hallways by their dressing room stuff. It's loud

It's it's it's yeah, they're having fun. They're yelling across the hall at each other So there is I would say it's pretty genuine Yeah, Terry Bradshaw strikes me as a guy that just he doesn't wear pants until he absolutely has to like he keeps his pants Just hung up walking around like maybe light blue boxers. Yes Until the red light turns on it. Can you confirm? Um, I can't confirm but I feel the same way too. I think that would be what I envision Yes, but I can't confirm it. Yeah, I was doing some research on you You've been doing a little bit of press for your for your show coming up

You told People magazine that you would serve again in the military if you were asked so you you were in the military for a while Yeah, 23 years 23 years. I'm just thinking out loud here Space Force. Oh You could be the face of Space Force Yeah, okay, if if my country needed me if well, it's not the country space world outer space needs you Yeah, well humankind needs you. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, are we talking like astronauts stuff like yeah, okay? I really get to go into space. I'm just sitting at a keyboard You get to go in there. Yeah, I'll go you probably get skull fucked by an alien, but you get to go there Do we have laser weapons yet? I

Would you the military guy? Yeah, yeah Yes, yes, absolutely. I'll roll the dice. I'll roll the dice. Does it bother you when people thank you for your service? By the way, thank you for your service Doesn't bother you no done bother me. I think it's a It's a gracious thing to say. Yeah, I say it to other I say it to other people You ever think it's hollow people are just saying it just to be like, oh, I thanked For his service. I hope it's not I have to I don't most people say it are strangers. So I have to take them at their word, right? Yeah, I hope it's not that way, but if it is, you know circle that just put that in your brain

Yeah, they might just be like military hipster fans, right? You can be like, oh, you like the military name three of the branches, right? I like the military before school like we Yes, JJ Watt the name right all the branches he forgot about the Coast Guard, right? Yeah, exactly and he's actually a hardcore supporter Allegedly, right so but your story is very interesting because you were obviously in the Marines for over two decades You were in the Marines while you also were doing your comedy. How the hell did you juggle all that? There was a hard. I had a lot of jobs going at once. It was not easy. Yeah Major overachiever. Yeah a little bit. I your rank in the military overachiever major over

I actually retired as a lieutenant colonel, but I Yeah, I mean what I would I can remember I would go when I was on Saturday live I'd go from 30 rock over to 46 and Lexington and do my drills I would go straight from rehearsal and go do drills then I would go when I was on the daily show I would fly on the weekend from JFK to LAX drive down to San Diego To Miramar go to command and staff college on the weekends come back up to LAX Take the red eye back to JFK land on Monday morning and go straight to the daily show with my suitcase Jesus And I did that for two years just to finish command and staff college whatever so yeah

It's it's not easy, but you gotta you know if you're gonna do these things you got to do them So and and I always I'm such a fatalist that I always assume that the acting gig is gonna You know, it's just gonna end right one day all of a sudden. It's just we're done with you and they're like shit And so for a long time I wanted to all because I like I got kids, you know, I got a mortgage I got to take care of this shit So I was like all right well look if all else fails and go back on active duty Right, so I stayed in for a lot of that reason and what I remember when I auditioned for the daily show

It was such a poor audition that I remember calling my because it was it was down to like three of us for that last for that spot And and they looked everywhere who else was it was the what they were they were replacing Ed Helms and Rob Cordray left the show so they brought in John Oliver and me But in that audition process it was you know, they were like I think they had or they had just hired John and then I was it was the last spot and They called in a bunch of us. I never even saw the other guys and I remember I thought I screwed up the audition I thought I just pissed it away and I went and called my wife and we were low on cash

we were we were in a hurt locker and It was it was this and I called or I had to go back on active duty and I called my wife and I said I think I pissed it away But don't worry. We're not gonna starve. I'm gonna go to war. I'm gonna take care of you It was 2006. It was the height of the war. Yeah, so I was like they need people I said, I'll go back on active duty and we'll be okay. You know, we'll get paid. Don't worry about it And so I think that fatalist mentality is always just kind of yeah, you know I've always had a plan B or you know another option or and so that's probably why I ended up staying in as long as I did But right but yet if you're gonna stay in you got it, you got to do it

That's crazy that you were in SNL. You're in the spot where you're a finalist for the Daily Show and you're still doubting yourself You're still saying wow, I might not make it. So what was the moment where you're like, okay? I'm good. This is my career now I'm here to stay. I don't know if that Well, probably a version of that I don't know nobody ever feel you should never feel safe right because this there's no what I learned when I When I got but let go they didn't renew my contract at SNL was there's no finish line in show business There's no there's no place you ever get to where you're like, I don't have to do shit

They're gonna bring it to me now unless you are one of 10 a-listers, right? The rest of us got to work and the rest of us got to grind and develop material and write stuff and create shows And do stuff because no one's bringing it to you So you got to do it every day you gotta be out there grinding you got five irons in the fire Which one's gonna work? I don't know you're taking meetings. You're doing whatever you got to do When I When I left the Daily Show, I felt like I could I had a little stronger foothold And I could maybe make a career, but I still never felt

Comfortable I still don't right because you know you got it you You eat what you kill yeah in this business and see it doesn't stop like I'm out promoting this show And I got a movie come out September I'll promote that but then I got to be on to the next thing and I gotta be thinking the next thing and setting up the next thing And it just never ends. There's no finish line in show business You get a gig you do the best you can with it and if you do a good enough job Maybe you get another gig right you know and you hope that you get good gigs with good people that lasts as long as possible But that doesn't really happen sometimes you get a gig that lasts for six episodes or you get a gig

That's one movie or you get a gig that's short term or maybe get a long term Or maybe you get something that hits and then that's great because then you get another opportunity How much is that out of your control like how much is it just politics bureaucratic shit a lot of both of you a lot of Do you ever try to I mean I? Don't want to say like get involved in it But if you ever try to maybe push your hand be like look this is something that like needs to stay but it's you know I love you or just deciding your feet That's always the problem show business, especially if you're in the artist side the creative side the whatever

Someone's always going to be dictating the terms and and yeah, it sucks, but all you can do is grind grind grind grind and You know work well with people you know and there's no guarantees. That's the hard part I get I get young people all the time coming up saying. Oh, you know, how do I how do I become an actor? How do I do that? You got to act right you know you got to get on stage you got to eat shit for about ten years and I know that's not what they want to hear because the

Human nature it's human nature to seek out the path of least resistance. I get it. I wanted to too I want to everybody wants that shortcut. Well, how can I do it in two years? Yeah? Well, I I don't know what to tell you. There's no shortcut to your black belt sounds like a blow They're fucking lazy they spend all their money in avocados in fortnight And would you would essential oils? Yeah Fortnight was around in college or we just been a professional video game player Back in my day, we just joined the Marines. We didn't play fortnight You said something interesting earlier, which is that that you would tell an actor get on stage each shit

You didn't say like get in front of a camera and each shit for ten years Like you have a background in doing more live work I think that a lot of people that are coming up nowadays who you know They find success early on doing sketch comedy on the internet Do you think that doing live comedy in front of an actual audience? Prepares you in different ways than just growing up in front of a camera. Yeah, I Think because I think if you are in front of a live audience and you're getting that instant feedback good or bad you you

You learn how to This is gonna sound all artsy-farty hone your craft hone your skill set better because You understand what works and what doesn't and then you start to understand why it worked and why it didn't and you and because And it's also a tricky thing too if you're talking about comedy now Not just like acting or whatever, but if you're talking about comedy you never want to deconstruct comedy too much Like why is something funny? And then you sit around and you jerk off about how you know Oh, it's just that and the other never has a big debate about it. Fuck that comedy It's funny if it's funny, you know if it makes you laugh if it tickles you or whatever that's trust that right, you know

Don't try to deconstruct it now acting Yeah, you know again, sometimes you have to you just have to be authentic and real and and somehow find a way to take What's on the page and put it through your filter and have it come out and be true from your mind And then that gets a little more artsy-farty You can deconstruct that a little bit more, but don't fuck with comedy too much Don't don't tinker with it too. Yeah, but I do think live audience does teach you tremendous It gives you it's a great teaching tool Because if you're just with a camera and you're like everybody look I just took a three-foot log in my toilet

Now are you gonna talk shit about vines millions because they're the new they're the new great That's a different, but that's a I don't know It's a different skill set maybe if you can't tell a story in six seconds was the story even really was telling y'all I would say no 30 seconds At least 30 seconds Has there been a character that you've played that you've taken from the page and tried to Adapt you know as your own that looking back on you're like shit. I really wish that I had done this a little bit differently

Good question. Thanks. Yeah. Wow. Do you want to say good question to you? Thank you No, nothing nothing is striking me as that No, but I did create a character one time For Saturday Night Live based on a guy that used to be on my college campus He was this preacher He would and I think I you might even be barstool you guys were showing some videos of this Preacher type guy. Okay. Well, anyway, the

I would walk this class and this preacher would get up on these flower pots that we had on the middle of campus and He would start preaching and he had but he had his wife who was holding like two babies and like three followers And they would stand there go. Yeah talk preach it, you know And he would start in and he was the most animated funny preacher I've ever seen in my life Because he said the most obnoxious shit you've ever heard and it just cracked me up So I would I would sit there and listen to him for a second

I'd just die laughing and I walk off the class no big deal on my way back from class. He would have 300 students around him and they were all Crazy and sensed they were screaming at him. Fuck you And their eyes are bulging out their head and he couldn't get enough he loved it It was like Andy Kaufman just right, you know at a wrestling thing. Yeah, just throw the hate on me I can't and he would sit there and go cheerleaders are You know and you know Catholics are burning and anything he could say to provoke these Self-righteous college kids because it's easy to push their buttons and and they would just unload on them

So I created a character based on this guy named Leviticus Who would used to take his Bible and pump it like a shotgun and shoot people and say you've just been blown away about a word You know and I just anything I could do and it was based on this freaking guy. Yeah And that guy's name was Skip Bayless Well, you went to school in Kansas, right? I did was that Larry Brown No, no Larry was Losing in the elite eight every year good question. We made it to the final four this year. Oh, yeah, that's true Yeah, that's true and got smoked

Everybody got spoke by the new villain. No, but they were a juggernaut. No one was gonna stop that true Criminals I was on the sideline that game reporting for like TBS for the J-Hawk, you know because they did Oh, yeah, they did the team streams. Yeah, so I was doing the team stream for J-Hawks, and I remember They broke every fucking record in the book that game They made three pointers in the first half, which is a new record then they made seven more in the second half 17 three-pointers I was like and they just couldn't miss and even when we tried to stage a little come back or whatever a little rally They just come back train threes train threes train threes. Yeah, we were in San Antonio We didn't go to the final four we went to the championship game

But we are all degenerate gamblers that lose all the time and I remember we watched it in the hotel room and we parlayed Villanova in the over and it was like the greatest game. I've ever I Bet you were loving it was unbelievable But I bet you were loving yes Well, I want to go back to SNL real quick two questions. One is your one of your best friends Rob Hubel You guys had we're both auditioning for the final spot. You beat him. How awkward was that? Like what's that conversation? Well, I don't know if it was a final spot. Yeah, but we both auditioned at the same time. Yeah

And yeah, look, I mean if he would have got it I would have been bummed it would have been sad for myself because I want it and like he wanted it But I would have been happy for him. You know, he's my friend. He's my friend I want I want the best for him and I think he felt the same way for me, right? And we still do improv together out in LA and there's ever ever a moment where like there's like a little bit of silence in the car And he's like you mother fucker should have been me No, I don't I don't feel I mean there was there was someone vandalized my car Yeah, that was him and you know, it was very specific

So maybe that was I want to say I want to think it was right, right, but it's always interesting because you you know He's your you know, you do a bunch of stuff with him You work with him closely and then you get to that point and it's kind of awkward I'm assuming it isn't it isn't because we both knew going in it's like trying out for a team That's exactly what it was when you're trying out for a team and you're like we wished each other luck We wished each other the best it was sincere. I mean it was sincere on my part I felt it was sincere on his part and we wish each other the best and then you go out there and you do your thing That sounds like someone who won and didn't lose so maybe and and it would be interesting to hear what he has to say

I don't know, but I I feel like we're still very calm. We're very good friends And I did How much did Lauren Michaels fuck with you? He didn't mentally he didn't necessarily I wouldn't call it fucking with me. He just does things that are odd like I Remember the first time I after the auditions or whatever they you go in for a personal visit and And I guess it's a it's a I don't know. It's an interview. I guess I don't know what to call it

but it's just kind of a sit-down and We're in the middle of a conversation. We're talking about the show and years past and things like that and and just out of the blue He just looks at me goes and it was so off-topic goes is that you there? Is that the natural hair color? Is that your natural hair color? And I remember what? Sorry Your hair colors that is it always been like that and I go. Yeah, he goes, okay, and then we moved on to something else and I Which has happened where that come from and again harmless, right, you know nothing to it

Maybe just maybe he was just curious at that moment. Yeah about my hair color, but it makes you you know the whole walk home I was like That little pinprick in your coffee And then he can work to exploit that later on Would you make him laugh at the at the table readings because I know that's a famous thing like if you can make Lauren laugh Yeah, the show. Yes, I like anybody else I had my moments where I did great things and I made him laugh and I had victories and then I you know, you have defeats and You know, it was a tricky year because that was an election year

2004-2004-2005 and I was they only hired one guy that year. It was me I'm gonna cast a 15 already. It was already the biggest cast they ever had. Yeah, so and Additionally on SNL on an election year. They get this big ratings Boost right because everybody checks in to see their election. It was Bush carry Not many people were in into the election that year. It was just kind of just it was lackluster election Nobody the passion wasn't there like, you know, the last couple elections has been very passionate So it didn't get a big bounce

So they cleaned house and last one in first one out. Got it. That sucks. Was there what was the group dynamic? They're like among the cast members among the writers like I've heard different stories I've heard people say like recently. It's not so bad. It's more of a collaborative teamwork thing But in the past it was pretty bad like when you got there was a competitive. It's always competitive It's always competitive that because that's the nature of the beast You're trying to get your work seen and heard and there's just not enough time There's a finite amount of space and a lot of players and a lot of info. So yeah, it's competitive But how you go about that competition? I think has definitely improved because I always felt the cast we all worked very well together

And everybody was very supportive there. There was no I didn't feel any Nasty vibes. I think it was probably a little more aggressive on the writer side They were a little they were probably a little more because there was way more of them Right, and they're trying to get you know, you're trying to get your stuff in there. You're trying to get your stuff in there I will say like when we did table reads Nobody quit nobody sandbagged meaning When you start on a five-page script or a five-page scene and the first joke on the page Gets no laugh and you realize I got four more pages of the same joke that everybody hated you it gets really easy to be like

You kind of just melt away But everybody at those table reads all the cast would they committed to it they committed to it They never quit they know, you know, so I felt like the cast always gave the best read possible, right? There was no sandbagging did you did they think you were a narc because instead of like going out and doing coke with the cast You were doing push-ups across the street. Mm-hmm. I think some of them thought I was a narc Yeah, I think that's fair. Yeah, that's a fair estimation by them, and I'm not saying I wasn't Did Tim Meadows have his own chair with like his own ass groove that had been there since 1989. Yeah There was a Tim Meadows wing. Yes, and Tim Meadows is in ski master. Yeah, we've had him on this show. Yeah, he's the best

Yeah, he is the best straight man in the business comedy requires a lot But you got the straight man is the advocate for the audience and he therefore He is the one who has to keep things grounded and allows the crazy to pop, right? So if you're good at it, which he is he's the absolute best It makes everything else sing and so a good straight man is worth their weight in gold right in the world of comedy, right? Nobody is better than him. That's why I asked him to do everything. I'm involved with I did a pilot for Fox a couple years ago I begged him to do it Do wriggles pics. I always call him like come do this with me

And matter of fact when I had when he was out doing wriggles pics I was in the middle of finishing writing up ski master Academy and I said would you please come do this and he was like Yeah, so thank God he plays with us because he's simply the best mm-hmm and you're a Chicago man, right? Yes Bears yes Brian Ehrlacher. Yes is in this show as well. Oh, oh Big way. Oh boy in a big way. So Brian Ehrlacher and I became friends on a USO tour in 2014 And we just became from we play golf and hang on. He's just I love him. He's a great guy. Yeah, so my nemesis in this show Is Brian Ehrlacher? That's awesome

He runs and I run the Jetski Academy on one side of the lake He runs the Brian Ehrlacher canoe camp on the other side of the fuck. Yeah, sorry now. I'm in you gotta watch it He is phenomenal. It's funny. Okay, so my hand up the email that I got sent with all the press It was too many words. So like I don't read, you know past the first line You're like everybody else. I'll just be I just been like Brian Ehrlacher first first line Yeah, like hey Brian Ehrlacher with Rob Riggle in this. How many times a day does someone yell to you about the Catalina wine mixer a day, yeah somewhere in the 30s

Do you get it off constantly though? Yeah, I get it I get that I get pow Mm-hmm a lot. Yep. I would imagine that the worst places like in airports Yeah, and you've been not typecast, but you have played a few times the alpha kind of Well, my favorite comedy game Comedic game to play is arrogant ignorance, right? I love it because I'm large and in charge and kind of stupid Yeah, or totally wrong-headed. I've watched those characters my whole life, you know, whether it was Stripes or ghostbusters or caddy shack or meat, but whatever grown up in the 80s I just watched those comedies and I loved those characters. So that's what I love to play right so I end up playing that a lot

And watching her medwards coach the chiefs. Yeah Do you think people do people like stop you on the street and expect that like character to come on? It doesn't bother me and people are generally generally. There's a lot of social challenged people out there But for the most part people are really nice and and it's they're trying to be nice and I guess a complimentary What I don't understand though in the social awkwardness is they come up and they they go pow And I go yeah, and then they just stare at me like yeah Do a one-man movie You know, I don't I'm not yeah, you just go back. I believe me. I've done it too many times, so or

Or I get the this is the number one thing I get most of that Why do I know you? And it's like, you know, and then what I don't want to give you my resume You should reply with a pal in the face. Oh, yeah, I know but that seems so I don't know. It's just annoying it people think like Celebrity or whatever you want to call it celebrity is like awesome. It's not it's just a never-ending series of awkward engagements Yeah, that's all it is. Yes, there's really not much joy. Yeah, so you're enjoying this interview then love it. Yeah, wow That's good. Yeah, do you think that John Stewart was actually a Freddy? No You guys played that off pretty well. Yeah, no John with John's the alpha over there. Yeah, it's his ship

Yeah, he's the captain of that ship. He just he just knew what played And that played so he played his part and it was fun And did he teach you do you give you any like life lessons on comedy or Lauren Michaels for that matter these guys? No, John was a big. Yeah, John was a great mentor and a great boss He and he allowed me to grow a little bit more because the first job I ever got show business was Saturday a lot That was the first gig so talk about it. I was green. I couldn't have been any greener and the second job I got was a daily show right so Yeah, it was it was he allowed me to make my mistakes and get better

You know, I didn't get that at SNL But I got that at the Daily Show when I was always grateful for it And I remember when I went to do a USO tour In 2007 it was over in Iraq and I remember I just started doing stand-up kind of and I was you know I had a I had a set but it was more of a club set, you know, it wasn't and so He he goes what are you gonna do when you go there? And I was like, well, I've got this thing worked out I got this thing worked out like a sketch and this and that because great and I said I'm gonna probably do some stand-up, too

And he goes, okay. All right What are you gonna do? I said, well, I'm gonna do this thing and this thing he was I kind of make a suggestion I was like, please and he's like make it about them Talk about their world. Don't do your club thing over there because no one gives a fuck about your plane ride Talk about what's going on in their life in their world and I said, oh, okay Got over first stop Kuwait Well, I didn't have time to rewrite a whole new set. So I went out and did my set and it was average and I was like, okay, so I

Immediately that night stayed up and worked on just anything any joke I could make about their world about the food their commanding officer the Iraqis the you know, whatever the terror Anything and sand the heat the spiders that we all saw pictures of exactly so anything I could do I and I would ask the guys like what do you guys do around the go? We drink for local or whatever there you know monster and I was like great I'm gonna write something about that So I developed and as I did because we hit a new base every day for like 10 days So I would just keep developing develop by time we got done

I had this great new set all about them and it killed it just out because they that's what they want to hear right And he was so spot-on accurate with that that it really made me realize oh this man knows comedy And he knows what he's talking about. Yeah, so I became a you know a big fan I was always a fan, but I was very appreciative. Yeah, okay So we got to wrap up in a second here credit to you by the way for not using the safe word to bail out of this Interview early the sea keek question you put in promo code take you get $10 off your sea keek purchase Your name Rob Riggle. Yeah, how much do you think that has to do with your success because I we have like you know The Jeremy Shockey rule like a cool name. Yeah, get you a little bit farther in life. Are you qualifying? My name was cool

Yeah, I think so Yeah, God bless you guys. How much my wife said that to you. Yeah when I first met her she goes Riggle she looked at this is that because that's a made-up name. Yes, and I was like well jokes on you because now it's yours Yeah, sucker, right Yeah, no, I'm I don't know and you know what that's so funny. I'll tell you this. I don't know if I've ever told anybody this breaking news Go ahead. I thought about changing my name. Really for like showbiz purposes Right, and I didn't I never did it. I never but I flirted with it to what?

Rob Thomas Robert Riggs Robert Riggs Bobby Riggs. I thought about I don't I don't hate that I thought about it, but then I was like no fuck that my name is Riggle. I'm good with that Yeah, you made the right choice. Yeah, because Rob Riggles a great name. Yeah, well, thank you I'm just going by a different name can complicate all sorts of things. I know a lot of stuff actually now that I'm thinking about it That's why Rob you will didn't get the SNL king So that's exactly it like he can only be mad at his parents for that. Yeah, if he if he changed his name to like Rob Wrigley, yes, that's funnier. No Rob Wiggles. Yeah, Rob Wiggles would have beaten you Rob. Tickles Bob Bigel always beats me Yeah, always beats me. All right last question. Do you have any questions for us? Good question?

Yeah, um, what's up? Yeah, man Tuesday night. Yeah, New York City. What do you do? Watch Hard Knocks? Yeah Yeah This week, yeah, you want to swing back and watch Hard Knocks with us We'll be doing it. I would but I already made these plans to watch Rob Riggles jet master ski master Sony Crackle for free with Brian or with Brian or lacquer Hall of Fame You're gonna seem like you've never seen him before I promise You're seeing him now with hair But does he have like a love interest in this show that's a blonde?

No, true to part. No, but what he does have is an unbelievable storyline like You're gonna see there's some big surprises that come from his character. I like it. It's really fun. I like yeah It'll be cool. So check it out Sony Sony Crackle Sony Crackle Rob Riggle and totally free. Totally free It's like a hulu or Netflix. Yeah, you can download the app or if it's on your smart TV Just click the icon. Maybe go Brian or lacquer first in the name Brian or lack Rob If you go it'll come up

Brian or lacker and Bob big ol That guy from that thing the power thing You get money every time I watch that episode of the office where you're Captain Jack on Netflix. You get a residual by now It's like six bucks. It's it costs more to press a check than I get But yeah, I I don't think I do and like seriously, it's probably like eight eight six date bucks little walking around. It's not bad Yeah, by half a green juice One gallon of gas. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Thanks so much Rob Riggle. Thanks guys. Appreciate it That interview with Rob Riggle was brought to you by Dollar Shave Club

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Okay, let's get to some segments first up. We have talking tennis the US Open is in New York and a guy named David Ferrara Ferrara Not Federer Federer David. I know him Ferrara Had to retire mid-match. I don't think he actually retired. He just stopped mid-match That's what they call it. This is weird if you quit in the middle of a match You fall in love and then you retire. This is weird tennis stuff

But it brought about the story about when he was a kid he Refused to practice. Oh, so his coach Javier Piles Locked him in a completely dark two meter by two meter ball closet for several hours Giving him only a piece of bread in a bit of water and said come out when you're ready to practice That's great coaching that I'm like leech Mike leech. That's exactly what that is. Yeah, Craig James is probably gonna file a loss Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah, it's probably very upset to hear about it

But yeah, that's great coaching. That's a football guy in a tennis guys body football guy mentality for sure Like you can learn a lot from getting locked in a closet by yourself for a while. Oh, isn't it weird that one of the four majors in Tennis happens like three miles away and we're not gonna go It's also very confusing that it has the same name as another major in a different sport. Correct That's very especially was played in New York, which really messed with my mind. Yeah, but yeah, the u.s. Open It's the official tournament of moms and Darren Ravel testing a bunch of food on his Instagram And Darren Ravel tweeting out a video of his face just oozing sweat just dripping. Oh my god I'm here in Queens and man is it sweaty, but check out this $17 gray group gray goose cocktail that they have with these

special grapefruit Candies it's so cool guys sweating like under armor gave him a press release but put an embargo on it for 12 hours Let me carry the water for some more brands Oh, okay Next up we have a protect the shield is Andre Agassi in it this year No, but I'm gonna make some fire shoes. He was great in the u.s. Open. That's all I know about the guy Was he yeah, he was like the u.s. Open King I thought that was Pete Sampras

Pete Sampras too, but then Pete Sampras didn't work as hard so Andre Agassi had more longevity Pete Sampras all-time Body hair guy. Oh huge body hair just fucking what worse sweater at all times and as he went Balder his His chest hair crept up closer. I cover up What is he if you get if you gave Pete Sampras 50 more years on the tour his chest hair would have Overtaken his bald spot and he'd have a full head of hair again Pete Sampras. He's just he pistol Pete Mm-hmm. That wasn't actually what they called him was it? Yeah, they did sure if your name's Pete and you're an athlete You're pistol Pete he was pistol Pete one one two three four five U.s. Opens not to brag pistol Pete might have been the u.s. Open guy

Next up we have a protect the shield This is for Jerry Jones and all his work for us out there trying to protect Football by the way, I guess the only one two u.s. Opens Pete Sampras king of u.s. Opens and body here I stand corrected. Yeah, you you don't know your tennis pfD Neither do I had to Google it. Yeah Protect the shield Jerry Jones. What is he doing? He he basically came out and said what everybody was thinking Which is the NFL owners want an 18 game regular season right reduce the preseason two games But Jerry Jones is the master of spin

So he said it would actually be safer for the players to play two more games I actually kind of agree listen man I just think be safer because you get you can't get injured in the preseason if you take away to the preseason games now Listen if you play well, you could also say it could be safer because if the season goes longer There's less chance of getting arrested in the offseason. Oh that yeah, that's a good point also for the owners Those are two more regular season games that Chris Christie will be buying concessions in your stadium. Yep, so that translates to Three and a half million more Trillion I was gonna go with yeah amongst amongst the players. Yeah, so it's actually good for their pocketbook, too

I as much as I love football. I do often times think of the mark Cuban like pigs get fat hogs go to slaughter Mm-hmm. Just chill out Jerry. Let's just stick with maybe less preseason games. I'm cool with that, but let's I'm Let's not push for 18. Let's just make sure that the rules get implemented the tackle rule doesn't fuck everything up Let's do all this stuff. Then we can talk about it down the road. Yeah, Jerry Jones isn't one for subtlety though No, I think he's just like he's bank. He's gonna get his 18 game season before he dies. Yes I think he might even be dead. Yeah at this point. He's just like he's got a hand like Steven Jones He went from cleaning his glasses to just weakened at Bernie's his dad around puppeteering them. Yeah, that's what's happening

Are they are they uncles is he his uncle or is he his dad? Doesn't matter. I think it's his dad Jerry Jones just thinks that he's everyone who's younger than Jerry Jones Jerry Jones just thinks that he's their son. Yes, pretty much. Hey son. Go come here boy. That yeah We have a Stay woke you have a stay woke. I do have this is a big stay woke that that I stumbled on to today Shout out Twitter user at Jay chunks who alerted me to this Jay. What Jay chunks. Okay got it with a Z Okay You ready for this one? This is where you get all your conspiracy. Okay, Jay chunks shout out Australia

doesn't exist Australia real place. So I so I looked us up. This is actually very popular conspiracy theory Australia was invented by the British because you know, it was like a penal colony. They sent all their all their prisoners over there Why would England pay, you know all that money? however much it was back in the day to put these people on a ship send them over to a Continent that's like halfway across the world when they could just sail out of view and push them all into the ocean And so it was like saying that we're sending your dog to the farm upstate. Oh Dog down so just the whole island like does the land exist or the people don't exist both

So Australians do exist. This is great because I like as as the world as we become like a global society and we have all this You know information right at our fingertips. We somehow become dumber. Yeah, so Australians do exist, but they're actors and so they all live like in in South America They're like pieces of pockets of South America that you can go to on vacation and airline pilots are all in on it So that's the other thing that I read. It's it once you join the club of airline pilots You're it's understood that when you fly people on vacation to Australia You just take them down to like Chile and they never know the difference. So

They're just a bunch of crisis actors. This is real. This is an actual real theory I think I'm on board with it, but then it doesn't explain where LSU's punters come from and what about our basketball team? What about it? New Zealand? Yeah, but they play in the Australian basketball. So did we win? They play in New Zealand? Yeah, but they play in the Australian basketball league. Yeah, so we're the best team in That league because they're gonna forfeit. Yeah, okay, because they're not real Australians. Well, I'm fine with that then Yeah, so congrats to us on our dynasty. Yes. This is a wild theory. Yeah, I mean try to poke a hole in it You can't well. We need to just get this. You know what? I have been to Australia, but I don't want to you have your parade

Yeah, okay. Sure. So how do you know? Was it speaking Spanish? No, they're speaking Australia. Yeah, what kind of food did you eat there? Normal normal food. Yeah, well, they serve normal food in South America, too So checkmate we need to get this into NBA like Twitter and also NBA like we need to get Sam Decker We need to get our friend Sam Decker or Frank Kamitsky to start talk saying this in some interviews next thing You know Kyrie LeBron listen Paul George. They're all saying it. We're famous Kyrie is a crisis hacker and then we see his profit. He's Australian

Oh, yeah, that's right Him saying that the earth was flat was a big red herring to throw people off the fact that Australia doesn't exist We'll be talking about that. Yeah, what we should do is we should pass this information along to Trevor Bauer Yes, he's got well actually love this shit. Yeah, he'll any time Australia comes up. He'll well actually people Yeah, oh before we get to guys on checks. I actually had to bring back a classic. I Went to the gym today guys. So it's time to eat some chips. Listen to me eat some chips. That's actually yeah, so it's like oh, uh, but uh We'll start with it. Oh By the way, those are sun chips so yeah, man. Well, I went to the gym today too. Mm-hmm

Look at us There's a bunch of health not Hey, bubba Well First we're gonna start with an explain to Hank if hot and cold takes are both considered to be inaccurate What would you call a take that is correct? Asking for a friend. Hmm Lukewarm the Goldilocks take just a regular. This porridge is too hot. Yeah, this porridge is too cold

This take is just right. I think I think it actually is just that takes Always suck Because the hot take sucks a cold take sucks and a lukewarm take is sucks. That's actually the worst one. Yeah Yeah, so they all just suck and rather don't do one way or the other wait No, so then this show don't say that big cap. You don't mean that I'm not gonna say it. Okay What are your thoughts on constant baby talk within a relationship? Mm-hmm

You got crumbs all of your face. Yeah, that's fun I think it actually makes it save it for later My thought is that women get more fertile if you talk to them like you do a baby. Yeah, I start to lactate I think baby talk really is just for babies and dogs. Those are really the only two that get baby. What's your dog voice? Give me your dog voice Fuck pretend. Hey, I need some cosplay. I'll be Stella He's still a girl. He's still a girl I do that. Okay. He's still a girl. It's still a girl. All right. I do I call it little doo-doo. I do the

Yeah, yeah Who is my lever? Yeah Hey, PMT boys. I'm a first college football game as a student on Saturday. What should I wear? Oh? That's a good question. What do we have a college? Here's the thing. Yeah, that makes a big difference If it's Texas one of my favorite personal favorite looks is the the skirt and the cowboy boots Mm-hmm. That's it. That's a classic combo shows that you're there and you mean business real tip real tip Be careful on your first college football game because I feel like I probably don't even remember my first But I'm pretty sure that everyone was so blacked out drunk that it was a health hazard for the entire world

It's definitely one of those situations your first like freshman. Maybe they should ban tailgates No, no freshman college football like your first one you go a little too hard and one of your friends probably gonna end up in The yard. Yeah, here's some advice Show up no earlier than an hour and a half before the game Oh, I was gonna say don't show up till the second quarter. Okay. Yeah, don't yeah either way second quarter is right is right around What you're in a bad sport if it's if it's a noon game second quarter college towns that do like when the games are 12 And they start tailgating at 8 a.m. That's I never that's that was my entire college experience Rest too much. We had to we would have to get up at 7 a.m. It was it was really hard work. Okay. How about this?

Like I'm the real I'm the real warrior here. I know Rob Riggle like oh, he was a Marine and he did SNL Well, guess what Rob? I got up at 7 a.m. To drink after a night of drinking and then I took a nap after the game from the night before So who ran a drunk? Yeah, I yeah, I basically did a marathon of drinking. Mm-hmm. So Who's a real athlete? Yeah Why am I wet all the time? I used to have a boyfriend that I always got the job done during sex But ever since we broke up about two months ago. I've been moist 24 hours a day A lot of part of my tape. Yeah. Yeah, that's right Yeah, you were in a relationship

And so you had you had all the interaction with guys that you wanted and you just you stocked up on part of my takes to listen to later Yeah, no, the real answer is you peed your pants and you probably have like a loose bladder So you should get that checked out or you rode the subway in New York, and you sat in somebody else's pee Mm-hmm Sup, New Zealand hardy PFT. Good eye. Hey, this is correct. It's New Zealand. There's no such thing as the continuity of Australia So my boyfriend and I have been dating for six months, and he still insists on wearing a condom every time we have sex He also knows I'm on birth control. Yep any ideas on how I can change his mind Well, you could be like, hey, guess what?

I don't care if you premature surely ejaculate and then hopefully that breaks the ice. That's why he's wearing that's his fear Yes, or just dare him. Just be like, hey, I dare you to not use condom Yeah, cuz like a guy it sounds like he's thought this through had he's really really trying to not be a father right now So he's doing a lot of thinking with his brain, which is dangerous But the one way to cut through that in a guy is to just challenge their masculinity Yeah, be like I dare you or just be like, hey, guess what? You know, I believe in abortion Yeah, that's a good point I would that's probably would turn them on or just be like just hold up seamless on your phone or

Any of those like postmates and be like check it out one click plan B shows up Sometimes I bleed a lot after sex. Whoa, what does this mean mean control? Yeah, you're not pregnant. It's your period I'm tapping out on this question What bleeding after sex maybe actually real real talk. Let's get serious. No, I don't know Thank you. No, thank you. I'm gonna get serious to chew. Yeah, go see a doctor. Yeah, that sounds like a problem Yeah, or just put Kleenex up your nose. Mm-hmm. I just rub some new assume that it's bleeding out your nose Oh, yeah, well, that's the thing. Maybe your boyfriend has a coke problem Yeah, and so when you turn the lights on after he's been downstairs. Yeah, he's just been there you go

All right boyfriend coke. I see a doctor Stuff fellas, especially Hank's oppression of Bubba. Oh, do it my it's kinky Do the rest of this question in this My fiance my fiance and I go to the bathroom in front of each other and I'm noticed every it doesn't really work when it's more than one word And I'm noticed every time he poops He only uses two squares per wipe girls don't poop But whatever I do wipe myself after peeing I grab a giant water paper Am I using too much or is he used not using enough two squares?

Yes, it was her boyfriend born to the Great Depression. Is he just pooping like rabbit pellets. This is that's He's guys not real. He's delusional if he thinks that two squares gets the job. Yeah, he's walking around pooping his butt Or he's just a psycho. Maybe he's like environmentalist or he's in the military with it to ration that stuff out Or he's one of those guys who's eating like super clean living so it all his poops are like They didn't even have to wipe. Yeah, if you're in ketosis, you actually never poop. Mm-hmm. That's it. So that's it. Okay, that's it Okay, so Let's see Friday. We have College football preview with Andy Staples from Sports Illustrated

We go through the whole college football landscape very fun interview and then we will be back next week We have Tuesday and Wednesday and then Labor Day because it's Labor Day and we have Rob Lowe coming on Wednesday I know people have been asking and it's coming on Wednesday. Love you guys I don't know what I'm to say. I've saved any way today is a not the day to find you Shining away I've been coming for your love Take me Oh

It's part of my take presented by farm school sports