Pardon My Take - Roger Bennett + We're Live From The US Open

Episode Date: June 15, 2018

We are live from Shinnecock Hills and the US Open. Thoughts on watching Tiger, Big Cat getting Alpha'd by Rick Reilly in the media tent and how we're rooting for the course more than any player in the Field (2:20 - 21:36). Men In Blazers Roger Bennett joins the show to talk World Cup, America's love of soccer the sport of the future, and who's going to win in Russia 2018 (21:26 - 59:26). Segments include Problematic for Stephen A Smith eating ass, the debut of the new segment "Ass in the Jackpot", Talking Soccer, Cease and Desist for the deaf Russian cat that is picking world cup games, and a new friday segment "Old Lebron to Young Lebron" where we give our younger selves life adviceYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. On today's Pardon My Take, we are live from the U.S. Open in Chinacoc Hills. We are talking about our media credentials. We're talking about my spiritual encounter with Tiger Woods. We are talking about all golf and everything else going on. We also have a very special guest, one of my favorite interviews that we've done in a long time. It is Roger Bennett from Men in Blazers. Yes, it is World Cup time and Roger Bennett is one of the funniest guys out there. Really, really good interview. You have to listen to it. Before we get to that though, we have the Cash App. If you haven't heard, we've switched to the Cash App.

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so follow Cash App on Instagram and Twitter to find out what boosts are next. To get boosted, download the Cash App, get your free Cash Card and select your boost. But there is more. We are giving away free cash every single episode to one lucky award-winning listener. All you have to do is download the Cash App. You tweeted that part of my take and Hank will hook you up. Hank, who'd we hook up? Hook me up? Yeah, I knew you'll hook them up. Oh, we hooked up Eddie Rybarski this week. Ooh, Eddie Rybarski. A little Polish guy. Every bow. Yeah, I like it. I like it. Eddie, congrats on the free cash. You too can win free cash and a quick shout out on part of my take. Download the Cash App, tweet us at part of my take and you can be that lucky winner.

All right, let's go. Down to electric, high value. And then we're taking higher. Oh, we're going to rock. Down to electric, high value. And then we're taking higher. Welcome to Part of My Take, presented by C1. Today is Friday, June 15th. Tax day. Tax day. We are live from the U.S. Open at Shinnecock Hills and... Beg your pardon? The course is fucking dominating. I'm telling you what, this course is a wagon. Every single golfer got shit pumped today except for, what, Dustin Johnson? Yeah. Because we know Dustin Johnson can handle shit pumping. He can handle a staircase in socks.

Allegedly. Yeah, that's what happened. Yeah, the course is awesome. The Fescue is kicking people's ass. I actually love the course so much. I found myself chanting today in my head, go, course, go. Go, course, go. Because like the course, I mean, Bryson DeChambeau said it was clown golf. That's when you know a course has you like beat. It's submitted. He tapped out. He's like, yeah, it's clown golf. The course is so deep inside of his head. He's making, yeah. We should make course t-shirts. Undefeated since U.S. Open course. Well, no, they lost last year because Aaron Hill's member, it was bad showing. Yeah, it was supposed to be a wagon last year, but it wasn't. But the course is a dynasty. The course is like at the U.S. Open, you can always

count on them fucking around with something and inventing like a new way just to screw with golfers. Yeah, like wins this year. Like when they invented win. They've got all the USG. What they did was they took all the guys that used to call in rules violations at home and put them up in a balcony in a grandstand just had them fart at the same time. So there's a swirling wind going around. The course is, it's great. What were you going to say? Say what you want to say. I love the course. Say what you want to say. Permission to speak freely. Yes. It looks like shit. It's not a good looking course. Well, no, because. But that's fine. No, it does its job. Like it's a very functional course. Listen, PFT. I listen as a diehard Tiger Woods fan and golf guy,

I am offended right now because what you don't understand is it actually is kind of a links course. Hank, what did I tell you when we were walking around today? He said this is like a links course. Boom. Yeah, you know, I know it's in the links. It's in the links family. Yeah, it's like a cousin of the links. It's like the cousin no one talks to. It's a nod to links courses of yesteryear. Right. PFT had to do a explain to Hank on what a links course was. It's just basically when they when they decided to golf on like like a centimeter of grass cover and then just a beach underneath and also weeds. Yeah, we if you just don't cut the weeds, you're like, oh, it's link style. Yeah, it's just it's essentially just they're golfing on a beach

with yeah, with just some grass, like really long grass that no one had known his mode the long. So it doesn't look great, but I'm telling you, it's fucking with the players a lot, which is always fun to see Tiger shot plus eight, some poor SAP shot like plus 20. So oh, yeah, that was really bad. But I would run out. He's like a thousandth in the world ranking. So he actually probably did well. Yeah, I would like to see Tony Romo. Wasn't it a talk of Tony Romo? Yeah, all fine for US Open. Oh, yeah. So is he a fraud? He's been talking about it for the last five years. I don't know. Yes, he is. I had a spiritual experience with Tiger Woods today. I go back and forth to Tiger Woods. But when he came out,

like being in it, watching golf is very weird because everyone just golf claps and everyone's dressed really nice. But when Tiger came out, he's a rock star, like people were, you know, I actually saw there was a woman in front of me. So I waited 45 minutes to watch Tiger tee off on the first hole. There was a woman in front of me who was in a wheelchair. And when Tiger came, she stood up. Wow. No joke. Wow. She literally was like, oh, Tiger's here. And like, I thought she was like, she was like, very not well. Like she had, you know, she was like in one of those scooters and she had like a bag of like dry Cheerios that like, oh, okay. So that's the bag of Cheerios. She was trying to shove in her mouth when like, she knows what Tiger likes.

She's trying to give Tiger a little peek. Yeah. And then she's, and then Tiger's coming. Oh, Tiger's coming. Probably the first time she stood up in 20 years, all for Tiger Woods. And it's like, seeing Tiger Woods in person, it definitely, he's got that next level. Wow factor. Like this guy, like there's very few people in the world that you, if you saw them, you're like, oh, you just stand up for them. Yeah. You stand up. If you can't even, you don't even have functional legs. Yeah. I'm not Catholic. Yeah. If the Pope was here, I would stand up. Right. Messy. Yeah. Just so I could see him. Yeah. So sure. That's true. We also have full credentials. So this has been basically the first time ever that we've gotten full credentialed. Yeah. So if you

get full credentialed for a golf tournament, it means that you can walk around the whole course. And that's pretty sweet. Not go into a lot of places because I tried to go in everywhere and they're like, you don't have credentials to go in the members club. They definitely sequester the media like way, way, way out in like a corner that you can't find unless you are specifically going there just for the media. We walked in, we saw a couple A-listers in there. That guy that's on ESPN now, they hit those shots in the water that they were chirping. Who was chirping them, Hank? That guy from ESPN that hit all those shots in the water. Oh, um, uh, Caddy. It's like ESP and Caddy or something like that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I kind of like that guy.

So I'm walking around. We gave each other a nod because we were both dipping in the ice cream tray. Oh, dude, listen, I get it. I like get it now. Why journalists like complain when it's not up to snuff with the press box food because I walked in, I had four, four ice creams today. I was kind of like a gustus gloop. Like I was waiting for the tube to just suck me out. Like this, this, this young man has had too much chocolate today, but I had a ton of free ice cream and I met a legend of the game. You met Rick Riley, but I also got Alfred. I didn't tell you this part. Okay. So, so when you first told me that Rick Riley was in the same room as you, I was honestly mad. Yes, you were. I was on a train on my way out there and I love trains. So I couldn't

be that mad, but I was, I was a little bit furious because Rick is like, he's the guy that I want to meet. I want to shake his hand and just tell him like I'm a fan of everything that you've ever done for the past three years. All your tweets, I love them all. Well, because if you're a fan of the past three years, then you're a fan of the three years before that and the three years before that and the three years before that. Yeah. It's like looking into a mirror of a mirror of a mirror. Yeah, exactly. He's a fun house. But yeah, I was a little bit upset when you told me that you were hanging out with Rick just because he's such a hero of mine. And then I thought, wait, I just met Mark Davis last week. So this is payback for that. Yeah, it's total payback, but I didn't

tell you about the part that I got Alfred. So I saw Rick Riley, I was eating my third lunch of the day and he walked by and I stopped and I was like, Hey, Rick, how are you doing? I'm Dan Cass from Barstool Sports and he was like, Oh, how are you doing like Barstool? I heard you guys are big with the young people, which was the perfect Rick Riley. But then we got to talking and I got stuck in that situation where I was sitting and he was standing and I didn't stand right away. And so halfway through, I was like, I'm fucked. Like he's just towering over me and I was just stuck. So Rick Riley kind of owns me. You were at boob level with Rick Riley. Yeah, I could have sucked his dick. God damn, that's so awesome. I mean, it was, it was pretty nice. Yeah,

I was, you should have just started talking about swimsuit models. Well, I just threw me off my whole game because I really did want to just be like, Hey, you know, like you see, Hey, you see Dustin Johnson's wife, no Kate Upton and just see what his reaction would be. And I fucked it up because he totally outflit me. Take a picture with him. I took a picture. No, because listen, I want to take a picture with him. But I think so this might not have ever happened. Well, no, I took a picture. I did. I did end up taking a picture with him in the background. Oh, I saw that picture. He was like a hundred yards away. Yeah. So you can't, I don't think you can ask another credentialed journalist for a picture in the media tent, because then you really are being

like, Hey, rolling over and being like, Oh, go ahead. Like, you know, sniff my belly at the dog part, because we're, we're both big J's. Like we're bigger than this. We don't need pictures. So I passed. Did you think I made the right decision? No, I think that you definitely should. That's one of those where you throw all etiquette out the window and you're like, Hey, listen, I normally don't do this, but you're Rick Riley, but you know, he's sitting down. You got him. Yeah, I know. That's the part that killed me. I would have probably asked for a picture if I was I love him. You got to make, you got to make a reference that he would understand. You got to be like, Hey, Rick, talk, talk about a Kodak moment. Yeah, that's what this is. Yeah. There's just two guys

golf. Yeah. That's why I have like a rehearsed line of teeth jokes that I keep just in my head at all times in case I ever meet Rick Riley. Yes. So I have something to immediately ingratiate myself with him. It was, it was, I mean, I can't say it was everything I dreamt of because I was sitting down. Like you just can't get stuck like that. Everyone knows that you cannot get stuck having someone tower over you while you're trying to have a conversation. That's tough. I would have loved to have talked, just talk the course with Rick Riley. Yeah. Here's what he has to say about the course. Just chat about the course. Clown golf. Also, I think PFT was probably the first US open media member, credentialed media member in history to walk around the tank top. Yes.

Absolutely. It's a changing times in golf. Yes. It is true. You have to take pictures. You have to wear pants, but they don't say anything about sleeves. Yeah. And golf crowds, I mean, credit to golf crowds. Yep. A lot of credit. You know what they need to do is they need to have a golf tournament where it's just lined with couches. So you can just take a nap because I was standing there watching all these guys tee off and like, really wish I was on my couch right now. I saw a few people driving around in a motorized scooter. Now, that's where it's at. Yes. Well, that was the woman. Yeah. I could absolutely get into golf if they gave everybody a cart. You don't have to tell me about scooters. I had that addiction for a while. We got anything else

about any thoughts about Shinnecock? Anything? We're in the Hamptons, which is also Long Island. People forget that. You always feel like really special that you're in the Hamptons. We didn't see any like weird dog monster skeletons wash ashore while we're out here, which is always nice. True. Did they ever get to the bottom of that? Nope. I'll tell you what. I mean, before we get to ride rent, I got a little, if we're talking about animals, that fucking raccoon surviving. Yeah. Fuck that raccoon. Really piss me off. Really piss me off. Listen, we got goals to make, okay? We've got revenue targets that we have to hit. How did that raccoon get so if you don't, if you've been living under a rock, it was basically the biggest story of, I think it was the

biggest story of the week, right? Yeah. Nothing else happened this week. A raccoon climbed up a building. Yeah. No, no, no world news or anything like that. A raccoon climbed up a building in Minnesota, was just chilling on the 22nd floor. And then we all were expecting like, hey, this raccoon's going to die. We're going to make shirts. We're going to be, you know, like we're going to do the whole thing. Our sweet prince. That whole thing. We actually sat down and we tried to name it. Yeah. Came up with a bunch of different names for it, like climbing. Yeah. I called my accountant and I was like, hey, it's going to be a good year. Yeah. Mr. Mask. This raccoon's about to die. Yeah. And then it fucking just climbed right back down. Splatty. We had all these names

that we're just ready for. And God, that goddamn raccoon was too good. That's not how the story works, raccoon. I know. You get everyone to love you, then you die. That's how the animal stories work. It's not, I just, I hate this raccoon. All right, we got anything else? Maybe we could just inset people into thinking that the raccoon died. We could say that they didn't tell you that story. I tried to do that right before I went to bed. Like while the raccoon was still up there, I was like, Hey guys, let's just all pretend that like, you know, like when we wake up tomorrow morning, like the raccoon died, right? Like we don't have to do this anymore. We can just pretend. Let's kick it to Roger Bennett.

Now Rushmore season is back. Okay. On Monday. Yeah. Yeah. Do you want to, do you have a, you want to get, we got to talk about, uh, Mount Rushmore season, but go ahead, go ahead, do your ad. Oh, well, as you know, built with chocolate milk, it's all about aiding and recovery. So this week they're helping me recover by making things a little easier. A cow goes moo. Moo goes the cow. Cows make milk. Milk is good. Wow. That's actually really nice chocolate milk. Thank you guys, chocolate milk. It's true that rooting is not one of the backs by science workouts. Chocolate milk can help you recover from, but certain things are harder for some people than others. Hmm. To learn chocolate milks, three to one unique carb to protein ratio can help you recover from

visit built with chocolate milk.com for more. That's it. That's it. That's it. Oh, Hank. Well, I think me and chocolate milk are on the up and up. Well, the chocolate milk people aren't done just yet. Hank, because to apologize for everything that they put you through over the past several weeks, they put together a song for you. You want to hear it? No, I don't know. Okay. No, the answer is no. It goes to your Hank. Is it too late now to say sorry for pointing out that your reading is sloppy? Oh, is it too late now to say sorry for all those tricky verbs and nouns? Is it too late to say sorry now? Okay. Well, I mean, that was chocolate milk. And now I kind of hate him because we had to sing that song. But you should still buy chocolate milk because it's fucking delicious.

Yeah, it is good. Don't let our hatred for this company's ads that they make Hank read effective, delicious, creamy flavor of chocolate milk. Yeah, shout out chocolate milk for creating like one of the greatest rivalries of all time. Hank versus chocolate milk. I was going to say Hank versus words. Yeah, Hank first built with chocolate milk. Yeah, but yeah, words. Yeah. But Hank is correct. It's Mount Rushmore season. I objected. I thought we should have started on Monday of this week because, you know, that's when the NBA playoffs were over. That's when NHL. We didn't take into account the sweep. And we also were mourning the pretty much broken hand. Yeah, so we took our time and we're going to start it up on Monday. Yeah. And if there are any new

listeners, we originally started it two years ago, kind of as a joke because very much as a joke because there's nothing to talk about in the summertime except for regular season based. I just fell asleep saying that. I actually think our first ever Mount Rushmore was the seasons. Yeah, we did Mount Rushmore seasons. That was how much we were like, this is just a joke. We're not actually going to do this. I think it was numbers. It might have been numbers. It was number two, I think. Yeah. So we do it as a joke because basically every radio show in America does contrived arguments in the summer because there's nothing to talk about like PFT said. And then the joke turned around on us because we started doing contrived arguments and got really passionate about

it. So now Mount Rushmore season is our favorite season and we do Mount Rushmore every single episode of different topics and get really angry at each other. Not to be confused with power ranking season where we power rank things one through four. That's football season. That's football season. And which is also not to be confused with whatever it is we do in the spring. Yeah, mock drafts. Yeah, mock drafts. So if you have a Mount Rushmore topic you want us to do, tweet us at part of my take. And I also have a little deal I'm going to throw out there. Okay. So we are debuting our Mount Rushmore. How we do it, how we start the Mount Rushmore season is we debut the Mount Rushmore of guests that we have. So there'll be two on Monday,

three on Wednesday. What? So there's five, but we kind of did a little loophole here. But here's my, here's what I'm throwing out to the award-winning listeners. If you respond to the tweet talking about this show, the pinned tweet on part of my take, and you can predict the five people that are Mount Rushmore. Five. The first person to do that gets two part of my take shirts for free. So you have to respond to the tweet with your five, what you think our five recurring guests, Mount Rushmore is. And it has to be the first person who's right. We're not going to tell you who's right. We're going to, we're going to, we'll tell you when the contest is over, but we're still going to like, you know, basically build it up. So we're not going to say like this person

was right. We'll just hit them in the DMs. We'll tell them that they're right and we'll send them their shirts. But yes, respond with your five, your guests, five recurring guests. I'm going to give a hint. I got to give a hint. Michael, Michael Rappaport's not on there. Oh, okay. One's bald. Yeah, one's bald. Yeah. Michael Rappaport not on there. Not on that list. Not on there. All right. Before we get to our interview with Roger Bennett, I want to talk to you guys quickly about our friends at Stitch Fix. You got to get it. Stitch Fix understands that life gets busy. So just tell them your sizes, your favorite type of clothes, and how much you want to spend. And your personal stylist

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literally giving you a free stock. All you have to do is go to take.robinhood.com. I got you started. Free stock, take.robinhood.com. All right. Here he is, Roger Bennett. All right. We now welcome on a very special guest. It is Roger Bennett. You know him. He is of men in Blazers fame. He has a book out. It is called The Encyclopedia Blazer Tanica. Words. Look at that. I actually read the title well. Words, but more importantly, a lot of pictures in the book. Thank God for the pictures. So don't be intimidated yet. It's the first ever Tweed cover book in publishing history since Caxton invented the printing press. The world has waited this long. Wow. Okay. It's the perfect companion for work because you're all going to watch the World Cup.

Yes. You're all going to watch. You're going to pretend you're not going to watch it. No, no, we are. So we're going to get to that. So you buy the book on Amazon. You wrote it with your partner, Michael Davies, who is executive producer of two failed shows I've been on. Yeah. Which is very nice. Which one was it? One was The Lovebug. The Rundown and the Barstool Vantok. Yeah. It's actually fun when I, when I was standing next to him, when you guys did my bad memories. No, it was great because someone's like, how do you know, how do you know Michael? I was like, well, we've had two failed shows together. So it's pretty good. Do you mind, just for our audience, do you mind speaking in an American accent? Because they're not going to

be able to understand. I was born in Detroit, but I think this accent could shut up my poster. Listen, we have to start there because you, as of last week, have become an American citizen. You officially are an American citizen. Do you feel stronger? Do you feel like the world owes you something? Do you feel like the watchful protector of the globe? Well, my kid was very upset that the day after I became American. And I think you'll all agree, the democratic system subtly over the past four days has kind of improved, right? The democratic fabric since I became one of 162 new Americans from 47 countries in a kind of like scarface-like ceremony. It was really beautiful. My kid was very upset that the next day when I woke up, I wasn't talking like James Earl Jones

automatically. Do you feel a little bit like a reverse Benedict Arnold? Yeah, no, you know, honestly, the Americans finished 10 days ago, and I'm just like a new sleeper cell. And the first rule of being a sleeper cell is not to tell everyone on your show that my sleeper cell is like a double triple. Hiding in plain sight? Yeah, but I'm going to be activated during the World Cup when I go to Moscow under the cover of Watching the World Cup. I'm going to meet with my handlers. Devastation's going to ensue. But I want to say, in all seriousness, I love America. If there's only one thing your listeners know about me, I love America more than Kenny Powers. Love America. You do. I genuinely, genuinely adore it. Love it. You had an American trapped in an

Englishman's body. Yeah, you had a tweet thread about your love for America. I was like, damn, this guy loves America more than I do. I grew up in Liverpool, which is like always seen itself as a 51st state. It's always like that used to be the port that, you know, connected to America. That's what you guys say. You call yourself the 51st state. Are you saying you don't say that? No, we totally do. I'm just surprised that you guys also say that. Well, the Beatles fell in love with rock and roll because rock and roll kind of puked out of the port from America and landed in Liverpool. All right, let's do it. Well, if I puked out, you mean you just stole it from America? No, he means actually Elvis took too many of his pills and puked out onto Liverpool.

Elvis, Elvis stole it in the first place, but Liverpool always seen itself as connected to America. My grandfather, he left Lithuania, his father left Lithuania, headed to Chicago, probably because he wanted to mingle with cats blood. Yeah, he probably knew the way. He wanted to be 85 bears, your favorite team. So I grew up just idling. Liverpool's a dark place, burning itself down, a bit like Baltimore. It's the Baltimore of England. And when I grew up, it was burning itself down under Margaret Thatcher. And I just, America, everything that I encountered, the Chicago Bears Super Bowl season, the Super Bowl shuffle, John Riggins, the Chicago White Sox, over my bed, I had a sticker that said Virginia is for lovers. Yeah, I thought it's

like a golden frag. I didn't know what Virginia was. Yeah, I won the whole enchilada. I'll take it all. Whatever it was, it was better than what I was dealing with in America. And I came over to Chicago. I had a pen friend in those days, you wrote letters, he invited me over just after the Bears Super Bowl. Now you outed yourself as not an American. There you go. Working on that crap. Thank God that question wasn't in the citizenship test. I'll be really effed. And I went over to Chicago to like just embrace the Ferris Bueller Good Life. To my horror, I got there just when the Bears were playing in America Bowl one. I got to Chicago. I was like, I'm here guys. And the Bears were playing Dallas Cowboys in America Bowl one at Wembley. And I was just like devastated.

And I just drafted Neil Anderson if you remember. Two ships passing at night. It was darkness. So I persuaded the poor family that were staying with to go out and meet the Bears when they came back from London at three o'clock in the morning. So I hot-tailed it down there, O'Hare Airport, one of the world's greatest. And we sat there for four hours waiting for this plane to come in. There was just us like the new NBC look. I've got photos of me like age 15. So excited. The family behind me like bored, crapless as the NBC news crew took footage of the thousands of Bears fans while it was really just me. They get off the plane about five o'clock in the morning. I write about this in our book Encyclopedia Blazotanica under R for regret. And I, this is my only life

regret because I don't believe in regret very much. But they get off the plane, first off the plane, Jim Bokova, very, very intimidating man, wearing shades off a overnight flight. A snapper. I take a photo with my flash and he's like, fuck off, kid. Second off the plane. I'm like with this tiny old little camera is Mike Dicker. And he looked me in the eye. He had a cigar in O'Hare waving it in my face. He goes, these men are your heroes. Leave them alone as if they've been mobbed by thousands of Bears fans. It was like me, an Englishman with a tiny camera. And I'm like, I don't even know. I was like about 16. I probably hadn't even gone through puberty. I'm like the least intimidating gentleman. I'm like, everyone's there. Fridge comes off,

wants photos, wants fans. He's shocked. There's no one would say he's like psyched to take photos with me. And then off in the most perfect Adidas old school sweatsuit, the kind of thing that would look very good on you guys is Walter Payton. And it was an amazing moment. I ran up to him. I was like, Mr. Payton, Mr. Payton, can I take a photograph with you? And he's like, sure, man, sure. He's tall like Michael Jackson a little bit. And I posed for him with a photo and my camera in those days, yeah, camera locks, it jammed and the airport porter tried to take a photo and Walter Payton very patiently let me try and fix it, posed for a second photo. And he goes, I got a fly, man. I got a fly. I think he wanted to get back on the happy gas. And that is my biggest

regret that I did not get a photo with Walter Payton. So it didn't come through. No, I got photos of my finger in front of the camera and Walter Payton behind it. That's a better story. Yeah, if you'd actually gotten the picture, then you wouldn't have anything to write about. Probably wouldn't have written the book. Yeah. Think about that. You basically could filibuster with a meaningless story in your book that fills a page when you're like, damn, I have nothing to write about. How about this story about how I took a picture of my finger? That was America looming large. So you mentioned that you're a liver puddling, right? That's a weird name to call somebody. That's amazing. I think that's correct. That's deep, deep knowledge. So you're the Baltimore

of England. In the 51st state. Or is it Great Britain? Or is it United Kingdom? Help me out here. It's the Empire. It's the Empire. Okay. Her Majesty's Empire. What are your thoughts on Brexit? Well, I want to ask real quick. I just want to say I hate the Queen. Go on. Do you think Mo Salah is elite? Is Mo Salah elite? Is he elite? Drop in knowledge, Mo Salah is the happiest de-walk in sports. He's a joyous assassin. He's a remarkable human being. We're leading to Egypt. I'm not sure if he's elite or not. I can tell you. He hasn't won a champion's league. He is the thin line between Islamophobia just spilling over in the whole of Europe or not spilling over in the whole of Europe. He's a remarkable human being. But you look at your

American sports. You look at gentlemen who have an explosive yurt. I know who's coming to mind for you, PFT. You're thinking Brady Anderson. You're thinking, oh my God, how did you hit? How many home runs was it? Like 50 home runs? How did you hit 50 home runs, Brady Anderson? A lot of practice. Probably splashing on a bit of Michael Jordan aftershave. I imagine helps during batting practice. And then you're like, nothing can go wrong now. You're elite. And then what happened the next season? He stopped taking steroids. There you are. So I'm not saying that Mo Salah is on steroids at all. Because I think he's a remarkable athlete and an even more remarkable human being. But you've got to bring it for more than one year to pass the Brady Andersonometer.

I like that. You have to have it for more than one year to be fully elite. Why did he get taken out of the game then if he had a shoulder injury? My understanding was you can't use your hands in soccer. So do you really need an arm? That's like Mike Dickers' quote, right? If God had wanted people to play soccer, he wouldn't have invented hands. Are you coming at me with Dictorism? Are you implicitly throwing Dictorism? Yeah, I'm going to start farting in here as soon as you're not here. He farted on me. I'll tell you that story after. Would you? That would be heaven. You should bottle those farts and sell them in the Barstool Sports Research Department. I'm sure it's like little vials of holy water. I'm sure people will buy them, right? This is what you do,

Roger, because you have the gift of the gap. No, no, no. I'm with two masters, two black belts. I am like the karate kid wandering into the dojo for the first time and me and Mr. Miyagi, but twins, the Miyagi brothers. Let's preview the World Cup. Can we? Because you are going to watch this bloody thing. We're going for a world record in talking soccer now. What is the world record for the talking soccer? Because America's not in it, I'm rooting for Italy instead. We're going for a world record. Great team. Mario Balotelli, Gigi Buffon. How can you not root for those guys? Huge mistake, though, because you know who's going to win the World Cup. Who? America. Still, you've got to believe. We're about to believe. We're about to hope. You saw what we did

in the Bolivia's second team. And if Russia can win the 2016 American election, I believe with the ingenuity that we have here. I mean, Zuckerberg, I know you listened to Barstool. Zuckerberg, get on it. Find a way. I don't want excuses. America, you put a man on the moon. You put a Starbucks on every single corner. You put a man on the moon. Can I tell you, that's still an amazing feat to put a man on the moon in the Starbucks. A man on the moon in the Las Vegas sound stages, mind-blowing. It's the world that it was real. Yeah, it's cool. And then you put a Starbucks on every corner. You can find a way of winning the World Cup 2018 without ever being in it. Let me ask you two a question. Okay. Because you've got your finger on the pulse of America. Yes,

finger on something. Yeah, always. I've got my finger on the clitoris of America. Yes. Oh, really? Yeah. He went there. Really? You've got your finger on the pulse of America. What percentage? What percentage of Americans do you think actually now America have not qualified for the World Cup right now? Right now as we speak? Because they all know June 14th it kicks off and I'm sure the little wake up and be like, bro, what the fuck? 50%. All it takes is a Donald Trump tweet though. He could wake up tomorrow and discover that America is not in the World Cup and be like, very sad, only I can fix. And then everybody will know. Because Barron Trump, his son, is actually a real football fan. Oh yeah, he's a man just soccer. He's in the DC United Youth

Academy. Is he really? Is he a good player? He's the future. Trump is the future of America. That would be amazing. We have 10 years from now. We won a World Cup on the heels of Trump. That's it right there. That would be worth it. All of this Choma would be worth it. I got a real question for you. World Cup question. Let's do it. All right. I stumbled upon this during the Champions League finals. Trolling Ronaldo fans is maybe the greatest thing in the world. They get very sensitive and you can make the argument that Ronaldo, he really doesn't do much except stand like seven feet outside the box and put it in. Yep. So who is your goat? By the way, when you say that, you are by accident discrediting the entire career of George Morison by saying that.

What did he do? He only just stood right inches away from the hoop and kind of dropped. Okay, so that's fine. Here's what I want to say. It's how he did it. If he's George Mearson, then everything I'm saying is right. So who's your goat? Messi or Ronaldo? I am always team Messi. Messi is the greatest football that I have ever seen in my life for so many different reasons. Ronaldo though. Ronaldo, like you love trolling. Is that the word or trolling? Yeah, but it's not really trolling when there's truth in it. You love trolling. You love trolling. Ronaldo loves, I mean, wrestling heels. There's a role for them in sports. He embraces that and he believes that when you troll him, he says, you know, God, God can't believe some of the things

I do. So I don't expect lesser mortals, implicitly big cap to believe what I do either. And as much as you do not understand this human being, who is a admittedly a preening show pony, I mean, I actually think the only person in sport, you may know ones within the American context who only seem to love scoring goals. Only seem to actually live, love winning games and championships purely as a platform so that he can stand on it, take his top off, reveal his pulsating nipples, free that Portuguese nipple to the world, that eight pack. I mean, an eight pack, not a six pack. He's a Brandy Chastain of men's soccer. Well, they both had bad statues. Brandy Chastain, Ali. I don't think Ronaldo's at the Brandy Chastain level.

They both have weird looking statues made out of their faces too. Which is not more like me than Brandy Chastain. He delivers though. That's what you cannot. And who is it? So who is it in American spin? If you've watched this, he's remade himself as the seven feet out finisher. But if you watched him do his career, no, he hurts teams in every way from three kicks with his beautiful face. He can nipple the ball in. He can crotch it in. He can just absolutely desiccate teams. He's like, he's like Tolbert. He just runs it in from one yard out. The team gets all the way down and they're like, all right, go ahead, give it to the fat guy. He'll run it in. Yeah. I have a theory about

American soccer. I think, I think now we're finally going to get it because just this year, MLS changed their logo from having the like the black and white hexagonal ball that nobody has used in the last like 40 years. But America was like, this is soccer. This is what people think of when they think of soccer. Now that we moved on, we're finally ready to step into like the 1970s. We added FC to every team. That makes it seem like we're actually playing. Stolen Valor actually. That's how we did it. So can we, how do we fix US soccer? Is that what you're saying? LeBron James. Name's good.

Freddie Adu. Yeah. Freddie Adu. We need more though. I've just got a feeling LeBron can't do it on his own guy. Do you think LeBron, no, the answer to this route for real? Yeah. In soccer, if he played, if he played when he was a little kid, would he be the best ever? He's 6'8". Yeah. And then 310 pounds.

So the number of great 6'8", footballers in the world are slim. Oh, what about John Wall? So not a real sport then. There are remarkable footballers who could, I mean, the reality is Mugsy Bogues could have been our Lionel Messi, 5'6", innocuous looking, incredibly coordinated. So you're saying if we just, if we put all of our... Your best athletes, here's who I want, here's who I want in the US team. And we can still do this. We have the power to pull this off. I think like, let's pull in with your influence, with your power, the best American athletes, with the right amount of kind of grit and

the right amount of creativity and tenacity to pull this thing off. Bill Romanowski. That's great. Great. We took... We stare at stoppers. We stare at defense... I don't want to talk about those. Okay. Just whatever it's...

Well, no, it's in Russia, so they don't stare at us. They test to make sure they can take service. In Russia, among the many great stories, which are, getting me super excited to go there, is they are, they've legalized heroin, cocaine and marijuana in state, you're only, in state, you're only during games. Oh, geez. So, Bill Romanowski, if you're listening, get into football. It's the future. Lance Armstrong, if you're listening, what could he do up and down the wings?

What could he do in terms of just lung-busting runs? I don't know. Probably pass. Yeah, fine. Bad ball position. Probably pass backwards when he gets in trouble and run into the corner and then pass backwards. Brady Anderson, of course. Yeah, I have John Wall. Kyrie Irving would be great on Australia's team.

Yep. Yeah. I want God, Cham God. Oh, that's an all-time name. Can we get him out? Throw him back. Can we get him out of retirement? So, those kind of guys together, I believe, could be the future.

You've got your logo, you've got your names, the FCs and the sporting. How mad do you get when Americans say, like, well, if LeBron played, we'd win? There's so many things in the world to get really upset about right now. But this one still makes you mad, right? No. No, no, you know what I'm saying. Spain. Where were we? Spain. Well, Spain sucks.

Yeah, Spain sucks. We're not going to Belgium. But Spain are boring, like, like Golden State are boring. They just win. No, Golden State are not boring. They just hit 3s. Golden State hits 3s. They score points.

Spain just wins 1-0. Ugly guys that pass the ball 5 yards. Spain wins 1-0. I wish I looked at that ugly. And the other team has, like, one shot on goal. They have, like, six shots and one shot actually on goal. Belgium. Well, let's see.

Belgium, the golden generation. When is that going to come to fruition? Oh, God, you. So sick of it. So sick of hearing these motherfuckers. Belgium and France are very similar, and we can do with them both together. They are remarkable talent-wise. You look at that roster, it's like a murderer's row.

And you should think about who the parallel is in American sport. They have so much talent. It's like a fantasy football team rather than a soccer team. And what neither of them have is a true idea of how they want to play football. So they both of them have just attack-soaked, really like, it's a Premier League kind of pro-ball team that they can both bring to the field. But they have both got coaches that are slight odd decisions.

The Belgian coaches are made of mine, Roberto Martinez. Belgians are divided between Walloon and Flemish, as I'm sure you have that friction on your show. The Walloon Barstool fans, the Flemish Barstool fans. So they brought in a Catalan manager who's neither and neither of them really care for. And the French who are like it, Paul Pogba, who is the most expensive transfer in history, he's the most media-genic, a new haircut for every game.

I was going to say Ribery. He's pretty attractive too. Ribery. Oh, I can't love Ribery. That's a man rocket right there. That is a man rocket. What about Giroud? Ribery, like your man was involved in a car accident. And so that is a dark, dark reality. But he, Pogba, is all about the likes, the favorites, doing it for the gram.

And France do it much more on social media than they do on the field. So both Belgium and France could go all the way. They could equally. Their uniforms are awesome, by the way. The French uniform. Did you see them? I'm all in on the Nigerian uniform. Which are screaming Eagles.

They have got a uniform, which is like from the night, if anyone who was raving in the north of England in the 1990s will not look at a football team, they'll just look. Yeah, I know PFT. Yeah. Spent some time over it. Spent some time over it. You put in the work. You put in the work.

Who's going to, who in from South America is going to win? Not England. Okay. Oh yeah. By the way, do you root for England still? Or are you the only root for America? No, mate. This is a test. I know I serrat poised outside the door as we speak. I swore an oath to Putin Tate was in the oath.

I don't remember what the other parts were, but I swore an oath to off all of them. You are a true American. You're drinking but heavy right now. You're not coming in here drinking bass. Are you learning that bullshit? By the way, the... Is that cold?

Or is it still room temperature? Are we weaning you off warm beer? No, this is cold, man. Okay. I've been here a long time. And by the way, I've supported America since I first saw your team in the 94 World Cup. Swagger onto that field in there.

Our team. That's our team. The denim stars. They're still the greatest jersey in football. With ginger beards and mullets. I was like, I'm all in on that. We would have won if Leonardo hadn't elbowed Tab Ramos in the head. Yes.

That changed the game right there. Facts. Facts. Yeah. So not England. I don't... No, England though. The question for England World Cup is at what point

are we going to get the sad, fat English dude with no teeth and tattoos all over his belly and everything? That's not embarrassing. Looking sad after a loss in maybe penalty kicks. What round? The first game. Okay. Probably you'll have that.

What would England be without that? That's like the college football. The crying North Western kids. Yeah, yeah. Right. Don't take away our fat man crying after penalty kicks. With tattoos all over himself. The nation ultimately really wants us to do.

I think we manage expectations by willing ourselves to do with the fee. You like the misery. You wouldn't know what to do without the misery. Yeah. Don't take it without our misery. What is life? If you were to predict how England's heart is going to break this year, is it going to be like an injury to a superstar player before the first game?

They don't have any superstars. Is it going to be like penalty kicks? Like you hit the post three times in penalty kicks or is it going to be goalkeeper boner? I imagine, it's always sick. When the goalkeeper is always our scapegoat. I imagine it will probably be, it's ultimately all, this whole tournament I should say,

is that the whim of Vladimir Putin. So however he wants us to meet our demise, we will meekly go. Right. So Russia's- Probably involve Cossacks on horsebacks with whips. That's all I know about so far. I can reveal more off the record afterwards. So Russia is absolutely getting out of the first round, right?

They have to. Well, you look at FIFA, an organization which you both have hailed. Very, very, I'm a big step-ladder guy. In our book Encyclopedia of Laser Tanica, we hail as incorruptible, like Elliot Ness, if he cared about football. And so they often drop the World Cup. They've got a history of dropping it into the hornet's nest of dictators looking for easy propaganda wins.

So Mussolini taking over Italy. And of course, we'll give you the World Cup. Who won the 1934 World Cup in Italy? Germany. Is that right? US. Italy. Oh, Italy.

Italy won. We've got the easiest question in the world. 1978. Argentina, run by military dictators, the Hunter. Uh-huh. Who won the 19- Costa Rica. Yeah, they did.

How'd you know that? I don't know. No, it's Argentina. The Ticos. Also Argentina won in Germany because they had so many former Germans that were living in the country. Yeah, it was a trade-off. It was a trade-off.

It was like... We'll populate your homeland with superior soccer players. It was like an arms for drugs deal. It was former criminals for World Cup wins. What about England? You didn't mention England. England won when it was in England. Yeah.

Okay. And we were under the fascist dictatorship of Queen Elizabeth at the time. Yes. Yeah, that's fair. So I'll throw that in. Fair enough facts. So what I'm saying is I wouldn't bet against Russia. I would not bet against Russia.

And also, Vladimir Putin is presiding on June the 13th over where the World Cup is going to be in 2026. Will it be in very well-equipped America? That would be amazing. Canada. Putin gave it to them. We can take it. We'll take it.

Or will it be in... Don't give it to Canada. ...both for the ill-equipped Morocco. Those are the decisions. You know who's open the envelope to announce that on June the 13th. Putin. Interesting. So we went through France.

We went through Belgium, England. Germany is sound like a win, right? Germany. Germany's going to win. Yeah. Yeah, but you shouldn't spoiler that. You meant to say spoiler that before that. Okay, spoiler Germany.

Why the hell do they win? All the time? They're just a machine. Because... They're man-shaft. Why does Darth Vader keep coming back? Why does Darth Vader keep... Why is Walmart so successful that why...

Why do trout farms have so many trout in them? I don't know the answer to any of those questions, but Germany, there's an English footballer term broadcasted called Gary Lenicka who said famously that football is a simple game. Twenty-two men run around the field kicking a ball and at the end the Germans always win. They're just organised.

They are tenacious. They have a will to win. They never... Many, many international footballers. You know, your Super Bowl is 250 million people watching. You know, the audience for the World Cup final is a billion people. And the crucible of pressure that...

I don't like that attitude. They just do this right there. Facts. Just bring in... Guys, guys, just... Just bring in facts. You're an American now. It's a world game.

Okay, go on, but just know that this has become contentious. People crumble and in that crucible. Germans do not. Like English people, we just... We fear defeat. When we... Before, in that moment before the whistle blows, Americans, by the way, speaking to the US players,

before they played Belgium at the World Cup or Argentina in the Copa, they don't expect to win. The only people who always expect to win, no matter who's playing are Germany. Of course, we will win. We are the Germans. And for them, every match is a grudge match. When you start enough words,

there you are. This awful whole damn world. Everyone is. Simon Cooper said, when these teams take... There's a journalist, Simon Cooper, he said, when these teams take the field in the World Cup, the wars that they fought through history take the field alongside.

Generally, they fought a lot of blood. Every game is a rivalry game because of, yeah, two World Wars, at least two. And so they're ready. They are game ready. The only other team that expects to win every game is Iceland. I've never met two...

Yeah, they do the Minnesota Vikings chant. Yeah, they call it that. They call it that, too. It's our homage to Minnesota where many of them are from. It's actually the Sean Payton clap. Yes, it's true. Vikings stole it from Sean Payton. So wait, so if not Germany, who?

Iceland. Brazil? Iceland. Iceland can't win it. Brazil? They can. They can do anything because they got... When you interview them,

they'll say to you, Viking blood flows through our veins. And you go, I'm not kidding. Yeah. And so they believe it. So either be Germany, Iceland, 335,000 people in that country. Corpus Christi, Texas is bigger. Manager.

A dentist. Pot time dentist. They're going to go and they're going to lacerate everybody. Brazil. Tasty. Why are you... Brazil plays... Brazil is fun.

See, Brazil is what I want to watch. What do you want to watch? I want to watch Yogo Bonita. Yeah. Brazil, I like Argentina. I like Uruguay. Did Suarez going to bite anybody? He hasn't bitten anybody in like four years.

Saving himself. Yeah, he's hungry. He's saving himself. They should have gotten the dentist to manage their team so they could stick to it. True. What about Colombia? I like Hamas Rodriguez too.

He's a beautiful looking man. He's very beautiful. Come on. It's very hard. Come on, Ibuiraco Rodriguez. Colombia were the darlings at the last World Cup and you know, like the Strokes massive album and then they go and do Room on Fire.

It's very hard to fit. Who's in the Bluefish? Yeah. Couldn't follow up that fantastic debut album. Darius Rucker is still on Mike and Mike like every week. I think he plays for the US team in the 2018 cycle. It was one of our problems. Playing Darius Rucker in Defensive Midfield.

I knew it was a mistake. Brazil, fantastic. Why are they fun? Neymar is like a Japanese manga character that comes to life. They were meant to by, they believed in 2014 when the World Cup was in Brazil. They believed in gods.

Like they genuinely believed. God, does this happen in American sports? Yeah. That guy crying with the trophies may be the greatest sports picture of all time. That fucking old Brazilian dude just grows stupid add-on. Just crying, huddling with the World Cup trophy. That's Northwest and crying kids, Dad.

You don't take that. Best picture ever. They genuinely believed. I remember one of the third, John Wetland, when he won the World Series and they interviewed him and they said, they shoved a microphone in front of him and said, John, how do you feel? He said, I want to thank my point man, Jesus Christ.

Every single Brazilian player was like, Brazilian John Wetland. They believed God was their point man. They were meant to win the World Cup on home turf. They got massacred 7-1 in the semifinal against Germany. A game I watched with one of the most famous Brazilian players of all time, Gilberto Silva.

No, Pelle's crap. Dunga. Pelle's just a subway spokesperson. And what's his name? And Michael Balak, a German, a legend. And when they went 3-0 up, after about two minutes, Michael Balak just laughed out like, this is too easy. Like Schwarzenegger and Gilberto Silva leapt off the couch

and tried to fight, literally tear his eyes out. I didn't get in their way. It was fantastic. And Brazil are all the more deadly because they were humiliated at the last World Cup. Because they're all the more human, because they're all the more wounded and they appreciate their own vulnerability.

Who's that in American sport? Someone who's just been wounded a lot. Probably the Washington Capitals. And guess what? We're out for blood. By the time you're listening to the show, the Washington Capitals will be Stanley Cup Champions. Let's assume we'll lead the goalie now.

Just carry his. Let's just carry his team around that. Exercise in the ghost of Dino Cicerelli. Tell us our small American brains. Why Brazil plays so much more of a fun style of soccer than a Germany or a Spain? Like, what is it? It's a tough story.

The reality is Brazil played better than anybody. They grew up playing with the ball at their feet. Football, true football cultures are born kind of over generations of playing. And they played as if the ball was actually inside their boot as if it was inside their sock. Their control is so great. But then around the early 70s,

like when television came in and their jersey looked like it was in technicolor, they were unbeatable. Because everybody else was just trying to fight, punch, claw, their way to victory. They were doing it with just joy and wonder. But then people started to realize you could kick the hell out of them. You could absolutely destroy them.

You could kind of perform open knee surgery on them during the game and they weren't so good. So the modern Brazilian psyche is trying to fuse what you're talking about. Physical and yeah. They're trying to fuse. It's like a Greek god. It's like trying to fuse a donkey in it

and a beautiful looking human together. So they're always in search of balance. That's A-Rod, that picture of A-Rod. Your boss. Yeah, the centaur. Yes, yeah. So that's exactly what Brazil needs to get to. I could have just said they need to get to eight.

So they're always looking at it. But the Brazilian people, they've won the World Cup and that's what Brazil are always trying to move towards. They don't just have to win it. They have to win it with flourish, with panache, with kind of style. They have to win it with probably

with just a fortnight celebration after the winning goal will probably be enough right now. With big butts. They want their players with huge ass to win. Who doesn't? Who doesn't? What about Sweden? They're my team that I'm adopting for the World Cup.

Well, I'm hoping that Zlatan's going to show up. Zlatan. Zlatan is like Cristiano Ronaldo with even less shame. I don't think anyone, only Hitler, the queen, and Ricky Henderson referred to themselves in the third person. As much as Zlatan does. Zlatan, yeah.

So no one is betting. Well, they all stole a lot of stuff. That's it. So maybe Sweden can steal World Cup. What about Ricky Snail? A lot of bases. Yeah. Numbers.

Facts. Go on. No, but I think I'm rooting for Sweden. Do they even have a chance? Or should I just pick another team before I do it? Here's what I'd say. On Sweden, put a lot of money on it. OK.

Done. There's no, you're just going to say that for everyone that we bring up. No, I think Sweden, honestly, don't tell anyone. But it's like, it's a small bet. A lot of money. Can I just say you are going to be watching the World Cup? You are, because.

Because I gambled and I have a crippling gambling problem. And it's going to come on when I'm waking up. And so it's going to give me a great excuse to not get out of there until then. More than any other country I've ever lived in, Americans love having an excuse to daytime drink on mass. Daytime drinking gamble. To cut work.

To cut work. To leave those cupicles for 32 days. March Madness is our best two days of the year. Trinidad and Tobago. They must be pretty good, right? Yeah. Big mistake to play two teams, two countries at the same time. Stay in your lane, America, one on one.

They probably have to be a favorite. Yeah. A lot of money on those. Put a double that one up on your Sweden. Oh, God, this is me making you a forge. Real question. Yeah. So we know that Big Cat is part owner

of the championship league team. Yeah. Thanks for bringing it up. No big deal. Serious question. Championship league. Big Cat bad for English soccer. That's actually Welch.

Yeah. It's Welch. Here's what I'd like to know. Is the relegation in New Zealand basketball? No. That's what we say. We're protected. Do what they called you, team.

The breakers. The breakers. If the breakers have a crap season, because I do believe Big Cat is one of the worst known as in sport. Not at all. There's a theory out there that's Big Cat. That's why he brought me on. Big Cat is one of the worst known as in sport.

If that's true, do they like it? What happens in New Zealand football if you have a bad? Nothing. Do you get sent to Tasmania? No. No. That's Australia. What?

Tasmania? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but it's like. Koala gives you chlamydia. You can't fuck any more sheep. Yeah. They take away your sheep.

Well, you have to wear a condom when you fuck sheep. It's a trencher. You're the one who's got to kill the snake with the head of a shovel. It's a trencher. What's happened to Swansea Football Club? You have to travel to Hordes. Under your ownership to be candid.

It was a community club. You can do documentary about it. I feel like that's a start of a documentary. It was a community club. That's why I'm here today, just to absolutely. Roger. It's like Roger and me. I'm trying to get you on the record.

I'm going to start door stepping. What did you do that Swansea is an incredible community club that has just brought joy to the lives of thousands of Welsh humans over generations and then in strolls, Big Cat, with your reportedly 40% ownership state. We didn't shoot the puck enough. Well, I tell you what he's like in Wales.

Who's the awful human being who owns a red skier? Dan Snyder. Yeah. You're the Dan Snyder. He's the Dan Snyder. That's fine. That means I would be really rich. But worse.

Yeah. If that's possible. That's not possible. All right. Last question. We'll wrap it up. The Seakeak question. You put in promo code take.

You get $10 off the Seakeak. Do it if you're going to a soccer game this year. MLS. Great product. Mm-hmm. Wayne Rooney. Promo code take. Yeah, we reported that by the way.

Is this really a question? No, this is really a question. We reported that by the way. Which? Wayne Rooney to DC United. You did. Yeah. And then Sky Sports, whatever the fuck that is in England,

ripped us off. Because they don't have the First Amendment. Yeah. They don't respect the J over there. Did they name check you? No, they didn't credit us. They didn't credit us. So I'm not going to credit them anymore.

I'm not even going to say the word Sky anymore. Yeah. I'm not going to look up ever again. I'm Team Air. The question is, can you give us the Final Four and the champion in the World Cup? Give it to us. Prediction on the record.

Who's going to win it? Yeah. The Final Four. America. Yeah. Who else is going to be in there? Spain. Spain.

Russia. No. Yeah. 1934. Who won? Remember. OK. All right.

Costa Rica. All right. Russia. Russia. Spain. Iceland. And Loyola Chicago. How's that?

I need a real answer because I need to gamble. Give me the winner. Is it Germany? It rhymes with. Is it Germany? It rhymes with Whedon. No, it's not going to be. It does.

It is. Random Whedon? I've been in this fiction because I just loved it. You just won. I love it. You have a long way. You might be American by name now, but you have a long way to go when it comes

to being an American pundit. Yeah. Because you have to give stone cold predictions and stand by them. I always wish you watching British stuff. Lock of the millennium. Where you just say, oh, it's my E upset and England didn't win again.

Well, that's the final. It's fantastic when England don't win. It's dark when the US are not in a World Cup. The game here will survive in every way. The game was always, and it's what we always joke about, it's always the sport of the future. But while I've been here from 1994 onwards, its climb has been slow and steady and inexorable.

It's not been overnight, but it's been like the tortoise rather than the hare. I mean, it's a massive sport here. While no one was watching, under the age of 30, in the demo, in the EA Sports FIFA demo, is a massive, massive game. And the love of this game and the ratings for the World Cup

and the joy, the Premier League, the Champions League, MLS and all that crap, any team, essentially the big cat does not have an ownership share and will thrive in this country. And it is, you know, even though we're not in it, you guys will be out there. Because when you have a Budweiser in your hand and you're in a bar at seven o'clock in the morning,

society frowns upon that behavior. Watching Spain pass, pass, pass. When you're in that same bar with that same bud and Saudi Arabia are playing Russia in this joyful 14-7 game, you're a soccer fan. And for that reason, and that reason alone, America will love the circus.

So who's going to win? Spain will win. I mean, it's going to win. All right. Pass, pass, pass, pass, pass. Fuck Spain. I hate Spain. The capitals.

Roger Bennett. Thank you so much. Everyone go out and buy Encyclopedia Blazortanica. You can buy it on Amazon. It's actually not a lot of reading. There's a ton of pictures. It's like Keith Hernandez's autobiography, but less interesting.

Pictures are actually worth a thousand words. Pictures is a lot of work. If you are watching the World Cup, which you all will be, this book is an enhancement of your viewing culture. Oh, it's like smoking weed and watching Wizard of Oz. That's what Michael Davis wanted to have on the back of the book,

but the publisher wouldn't allow it. See, here's what you got to do. A little tip for you. Yeah, tip for you. The winner of the World Cup is actually in this book. It's on the last page. A guaranteed lock, lock of the century, winners, winners, winners.

Buy the book, win money, boom. It's Vladimir Putin's arse on the photocopy. Watch a bunch of guys flop around and look for calls, because they're finally going to be a sweep. You're going to be excited. Yeah. Guys, thanks for having me. Yeah, thanks for being here.

And congratulations on being American. When's your book coming out? We have to write it first. We have to read a book. We have to actually sign a book deal first. We have to figure out how a book is read before we can write it, right? I have to learn English first.

Yeah, for the future. We've got a long way to go. Part of my take is brought to you by ZipRecruiter. Here's a question I'm going to ask that you don't have to answer. Part of my take or that interview? I mean, we already said the interview is brought to you by two other things.

Yeah. Isn't this coming out? Yeah. Do whatever you feel. Does it make a difference? No. I just didn't know if you missed one. Sorry.

Are you editing this or? Okay. Sorry, Hank. Sorry, Future Hank. Thank you. Wow. Fuck, Future Hank. I wish we were.

He said Future Hank. Oh, first I said, yeah, but it didn't make the show. I wish we were recording this whole thing. Fuck. We're not recording now? No, we're not recording the video. Here's a question I'm going to ask that you don't have to answer.

Actually, I got to reintroduce it now. Part of my take is brought to you by ZipRecruiter. Here's a question I'm going to ask that you don't have to answer. Do you know how to hire for your business? No. Well, if not, then you're not alone. Hire a ZipRecruiter this far.

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ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. All right, let's get to some segments. First up, we have a problematic for Stephen A. Smith, who went on Snoop Dogg's show. Snoop Dogg has a show? Mm-hmm. Snoop Dogg's show. Everyone's got a podcast these days.

And answered, oh, speaking of which, subscribe to The Hard Factor. Subscribe to Hard Factor. What is Hard Factor? That's a good question, Hank. Hard Factor, it's actually going to be a very, very funny show. It hasn't come out yet. First episode is Monday.

I'm executive producing it. It's a daily news show. It's 15 minutes or less. So you don't have to worry about spending. It's not going to cut into any of your part of my take. Yeah, listen to it after part of my take. After part of my take. After part of my take.

Listen to part of my take twice. Yes. Then listen. Subscribe on subscribe. Like, do all that stuff. Then you can listen to Hard Factor. Then listen to Hard Factor. It's going to be a 15 minute or less daily news show

that is taking the news in and spitting it out their buttholes at you guys through the lens of actual internet comments. So that's going to be like our pundits. They're going to be actual internet comments that we find out there. Nice. And yeah, it's going to be very, very funny.

Shout out Hard Factor West, Pat, Will, and Mark. Yeah, you change those names every time. I know. So you just made them up. All right, so Stephen A Smith. Stephen A Smith, yes. Problematic. So Snoop Dogg, you went on Snoop Dogg's show

and answered the question that everyone needed the answer to. Is Stephen A Smith a boobs or butt guy? And he actually answered it that he has always been a bottom feeder. Bottom feeder. It's acid in season. Oh boy.

That's why he's got that little pencil thin mustache. It's a little flavor saver. Yeah. So Stephen A Smith problematic is the fact that you don't respect women because you should be boobs, butt, and brain, three Bs. That's the original big baller brand. That's a good point.

I'm not surprised that Stephen A Smith is a butt man just because of the size of the pants that he wears. He leaves a little extra room in there for another butt, if you know what I'm saying. I think Stephen A Smith could probably have sex with a full-bodied woman inside of his own pants. Oh yeah. Like a sleeping bag.

Just slide him in there. Just slide him right in. He's like a kangaroo with like a little pouch. Yeah, actually. He can carry somebody around with. We should sell Stephen A Smith pants to the Mormons. Let them soak in those pants. Those are soaking pants.

Stephen A Smith is wearing soaking pants. Uh-huh. They're a little bungalow. I just, like usually when you think about someone else having sex or eating ass, it's like, eh, I don't really want to think about that. Stephen A Smith, that's a fucking funny thing to think about. That's a sexual man.

He's just like, however. Yeah, I would watch Stephen A Smith porn in a heartbeat. Oh man, he gets it. Big Cat, you kidding me? You kidding me? He gets in that ass and he probably practices what he's going to talk about like LeBron James, you know, basically turning his back on Cleveland while he's eating

the ass. Yeah, you know, when you're in like middle school, high school, you hear about things that you can do to make bedtime more pleasurable when you're with a lady. And they say, oh, do the alphabet with the lowercase alphabet with your tongue. Actually, Stephen A Smith unlocked it.

If you get in that booty and you go, Dabba stuff, alooza. Yes. Or just talk about how much you hate Phil Jackson and how terrible he is. You'll probably get that ass eaten. Stay off the weed. Yeah, bottom feeder, though, is just such a funny way to say it.

Is it a Steve A catfish? Yeah, I like to eat it. Yeah, I like that. Actually, that's the real problematic. Why are you putting, like, a woman's body should be put on a pedestal? They're beautiful. You don't have to say bottom.

That means, yeah, it's like the dirty fish on the bottom of the river. Come on, Stephen. Also, why do you have to pick one spot? A woman is a super team. I mean, she's got brains first. Brains? Yeah, brains.

Brains first. Brains. Heart. Heart. Soul. Boobs protecting the hearts. Boobs protecting the heart. Yep.

And then butt, legs, and then the other part that's really nice. Koochie, koochie, koochie. But the whole, a woman, a woman's body is a super team. Yes. We respect all parts of it. Speaking of ass, we have a new segment. It is ass in the jackpot.

This is probably my favorite video that's come out in a long, long time. So we're going to play the audio for you right here. That ain't going to happen. I mean, I knew you were going to say that, but that ain't going to happen. I mean, that's the wrong time to do it. That's all.

I'm kind of. I don't know how much time to do anything. Well, I don't know. It is what it is, but that's, that's, that ain't going to happen. Our ass is in the jackpot. We don't do something there. I'm just telling you that.

Everybody knows, everybody knows what the situation is. OK? Take him, take him, take him, take him. Terry, Terry, Terry, Terry, Terry, Terry. Terry, Terry, Terry, get a handle. Come on, let's go. Come on. Talk to me.

Talk to me. Talk to me. Bobby, that's fucking bullshit. You know what? Then you talk to me about it then. I know what you're doing. OK. You got to give us a shot.

You know what? You got to give us a shot, Tom. OK, listen to me. Let me hear what I'm saying. OK? You get your shot. You had your shot right there in the situation. Oh, I don't know the situation, Terry.

Why don't you get a shot, Tommy? Because that doesn't, that makes it worse. Terry, that makes it fucking worse. I know it. But then it'll be the neck of that guy. Nothing. OK, I can't control that, Terry. I can't control that.

You know as well as I do where I stand. I'm a whole fucking situation. I'm down in the road. But you're better than that, Tommy. You know that. Terry, listen, I'm telling you. Our ass is in the jackpot now. OK?

OK, that's what I'm just telling you. What the fuck are you, motherfucker? You know what? You got it. You got it. OK, get it. You got everything out. That clip is all time.

Yes, it is so great. Terry, Terry, you know my ass is in the jackpot, Terry. You get set enough? You set enough? OK, Terry, you got it out. You got it out, Terry. Get it out, Terry. Get it out.

Terry, you know they're looking at me now, Terry. OK, my ass is in the jackpot. That's something that, I mean, if you casually drop ass in the jackpot, that's not something that you break out for the first time in the heat of an argument. No, his ass has been in the jackpot. That's a man whose ass, Stephen A. Smith would be.

Yes. Stephen A. every ass is the jackpot for Stephen A. Smith. That man's ass has been in trouble a long, long time. I love the video. I hate how Major League Baseball reacted to it, though. Well, they put their own ass in the jackpot, because they finally had a video where people were like,

this is awesome. This is fun. Hey, maybe the fact that the NFL does mic'd up all the time and has NFL films, kind of cool. Maybe you should actually start doing that and show just umps and managers yelling at each other about asses in the jackpot. They did the exact opposite because of their MLB.

They pulled it. They pulled the video. They're trying to scrub it for me. They're trying to Beyonce it. Yes. The video never existed. Please stop sharing it. Yes.

Everyone, honor system. It's so stupid. They're like, hey, if you want to listen to umpires make weird noises and use unusual colloquial phrases just by Joe West Alvin like everybody else. Yes. I actually think this is probably where it came from. Like, Joe West sent an email to all the umpires.

He was like, hey, guys, our ass is in the jackpot this season. And that's where that's that was that happened in like 1992. Yeah. And it's just been going, I don't know how Joe West had email in 1992. But yeah, he invented ass in the jackpot. Maybe the jackpot is just that little that flap of cheek and chin that Joe West has his little waddle.

With gullet. His little pelican gullet. Yeah. That's the jackpot right there. But either way, I'm very excited for all future ass in the jackpots. Whenever someone else gets their ass in the jackpot, when we get our ass in the jackpot.

Your ass is in the jackpot. Oh, you don't want your ass in the jackpot. It's tough to get out. You got to cash out. All right. We have a talking soccer. So the World Cup is here, boys. And that was talking soccer.

Yeah. So it was 5-0. And now we know. Oh, weird. No. Weird. Russia scored five goals, even though they kind of stink. Huh.

Yeah. The World Cup sucked. And at least we don't have to deal with that for another four years. Yeah. I fully believed Roger when he said they're going to go to the final four. Like, I don't think. Yeah, I did. I did too.

Because Russia, like Putin, Putin could do anything. Roger's got one of those dry British wits about him that you can't tell when he's serious or joking. Yeah. But it's good for him. Because whenever there's something that he's joking about that ends up happening, he'd be like, oh, no, my, that's my actual prediction. Yeah, that was exactly what I was saying.

So we also, off of the talking soccer and the World Cup being back, which we'll obviously talk about soccer this summer, we have a cease and desist for Achilles, the deaf cat. And he. Well, let's not sell the cat short. It may be deaf, but it's also a psychic cat. True. So it predicted Russia to win the first game.

World Cup brings out all of the animals predicting games. You remember Paul the octopus, who has passed. We should sell Paul the octopus. Yes, by the way. Yeah, put that down, put that down. But this is problematic. Because I mean, this is like, we didn't invent it, but like Larry. But we said it louder.

Yeah, right. So we were the first to Chris Brassard. As far as I know, I was the first to have a gambling goldfish. Yeah. I mean, at first I wanted to hate this cat, but then I found out that it was deaf. Yeah. And anytime that they're, yeah, you feel bad,

but also like it ups the mystique of the cat a little bit. It's almost like a Disney character now. They also, yeah. You can't, you can actually tune out all the haters. Yes. Because it doesn't hear anything. So it's more in tune with like, you know, the spirits and the forces of nature.

Yeah. There's no, there's something up with this cat. And it's like, I think it might be albino or just white fur. I don't know if they might make white fur cats, but I just assume it's albino. They also had the cat, if you watch the video, the woman was holding the cat up against like the wall, putting its nose against like logos and country flags.

Giving, like almost saying, hey cat, here's your draft board. Like do some research. We're getting to the next level. Like this is a deaf psychic cat that actually does its research. Yeah. I'm following this cat's picks. Pretty soon we're going to have just like a monkey that's been doing a dizzy bat race for the last four months,

predicting draft picks like Null Kuiper. Should we, I mean, we probably should do that. Let's do that. Yeah. Yeah. Just a very dizzy monkey. We have to buy another goldfish. I don't know if I'm ready to, we can't keep it.

I can't love again. Well, we can't keep a goldfish alive. Yeah. It's too soon for that. So we need, we do have a big turtle that will live for like 40 years. Well, no, because then that's just depressing. Well, and then when it outlive us. Well, and then when it dies, people would be like,

you could like this turtle is supposed to live for 40 years. You kept it alive for three weeks. That probably, yeah, you're right. Yeah. We haven't out with a goldfish. We're like, goldfish always die. Exactly. Yeah.

We'd be setting ourselves up for some pretty bad failure. Let's buy a kid. Let's have a kid. A giant tortoise. Yeah. So the problem I have with this cat is that they named it Achilles. I don't like that. Yeah.

Why would you name an animal after a hero that had a very, very like notorious weakness? Yes. Bad injury. Very bad injury. Achilles was an all time, what could have been. Kobe Bryant never recovered from his Achilles, could have had sex, respect his greatness.

Yeah. Boogie Cousins still hasn't recovered from his. Yeah. True. That's absolutely true. That, so Achilles the cat, I am going to, I can be sold. I have a dumb brain. I will definitely be betting on Achilles the cat.

What about the fact that the cat used to be fat, and then they slimmed it down? So what they did was they just made, well, hunger, hungry dogs run faster, Jason Kelsey. Yeah. So, yeah, I. This cat is actually a foe for me. Yeah.

Now that I think about it, this cat, it's more likely to choose the right foe, because it's senses of smell are heightened, because not only is it deaf, but it's also extremely hungry. And Russian. And Russian. So, extra hungry.

Yes. Because of bread lines and all that shit. Yeah. All right, let's finish up the show. We actually have another new segment. Hank, what are we calling this? We could come up with a little more clever name, but it's advice to our younger self.

Letter, what did LeBron do? LeBron's letter to his former self. Yeah, that's what we'll call it. So, we're going to give advice to our former self, and also other people are running in, right? Yes, we've gotten some submissions. We have some of our own. I have a couple, like I just turned 25 this week.

25 is still alive. 25 is still alive. If I could give advice to my 24-year-old self, it would be to just make sure when your license expires that you get to take care of before it expires, and not try and figure it out after it expires. Yeah, the adult stuff. Yeah, that's tough.

Do your taxes is another one, I would say. Yeah, well, I don't think that's that. Why would that be a piece of advice? It hasn't come back to bite you yet. Yeah, Al Capone didn't do his taxes. Yeah, he turned out fine. No big deal. It was a syphilis that got him.

So, here's a couple people who sent in, I think these are good. Chugging water before bed after night of drinking is good for hangovers, but bad for wetting the bed. I mean, did you really need to be 25 to tell your younger self that? You learned, some people will learn slower, PFT. I actually, in college, for a while there,

I started beerbonging water. Yeah, me too. I did it at night. I did that at a beach week one time, and that really, it made me pee myself fine. It made me puke. If they can't, you might be able to relate to this. Metabolism is a real bitch.

Oh, yeah. It will sneak up on you the closer you get to 30, playing it accordingly. Yeah, so one of my pieces of advice was get abs when you're 20, because it's easy to do when you're 20. I wish I'd never had abs in my entire life. Yeah, it's basically pick a year when you're under 27,

and be like, this is the year I'm going to get in the best shape of my life. And then, hopefully, that will extend. You can basically just kind of cheat on your diet for the next 30 years, and it will be too fat. Take a lot of pictures at that time, and then be sure to use all those for all your dating profiles, Facebook, all that stuff.

Yes. Stay single, or at least don't miss events to be with your girlfriend. When you break up, you'll regret it. Yeah. Totally, that's tough. Totally, just never love anyone. Yeah.

That's my advice. Yeah, never let anyone get close to you. Just jerk off all the time. Yeah, I think that one's probably JJO. JJO, don't love anyone. Don't share any of your emotions with anybody. Don't have emotions. Just don't have emotions.

And you save a ton of money on condoms, and you save a ton of money on a birthday present. Yeah. And Valentine's Day presents. And you can save it all, and then you can just give it all to your therapist at 40, when you have no one in your life. My last one would be to just do a direct deposit thing

if you ever get a job that you have consistently paycheck. Just direct deposit a little bit away in account you can't touch that adds up. Okay, that's called a 401K. No, but 401K, you can't take it out. Yeah, true, until later. Yeah, you just soak your money in. Yeah, just keep soaking it.

I like that. If I was an accountant, I would spin a 401K and just soak your money. Do you have an APFT? I got a couple. Well, my advice to my younger self would be to buy a football team. Because football teams were way cheaper back then,

and then they made a lot of money. So get $500 million and buy a football team. And then by the time you're my age, it'll be worth 1.5 billion. I would say start your own pyramid scheme. So one thing everybody that I know has gone through this when they're 18 to 25, they're applying for jobs,

they're maybe reaching out to a lot of people on Craigslist or all these other job sites, and nine out of the 10 first replies that you get are all from pyramid schemes. And you go to like one day of work and you're like, wait a second, this is just a pyramid scheme. Yeah.

Which sucks to work for, but it would be great to own one. Yes. So get ahead of the curve. Or be the second guy. Be the second guy. Because then you only have to find two other guys. Yeah, you find two other guys

and you just kick it up to one dude above you. And then that's the guy that gets in trouble when it gets busted by the SEC. So be the second guy or find a fall guy for your pyramid scheme. Limit yourself to two fantasy football teams. Yes, that's big. So that's the perfect amount.

Studies have shown that's the perfect amount of fantasy football teams to be in anymore. And it's not funny anymore. When you start to stop paying attention to all of them. Yes. And then I would say, you should buy a lot of t-shirts from your favorite podcasts.

That's a really good one. If I could go back and do it all again, man, I would just, Adam Corolla will be a very rich man. Don't live with regrets, guys. Make sure you buy a lot of new t-shirts that we just put on sale at the Barstool Sports Store. I have a couple.

My younger self, when I say younger, like maybe like 12, buy Apple stock. A lot of it. Just as much as you can. That will probably help out. And so if you're listening right now, no, you probably can't buy Apple stock. You missed the boat.

Yeah, you missed the boat. But it was good advice to my younger self right now. You'd be a billionaire sitting on like, it's not Steve Jobs. Who's running the show now? Probably Steve Jobs in South America. Yeah, make your mistakes young. So like, if you're under 25, you can fuck up.

Like go get another job. That's okay. Yeah. Just change your career. Get arrested once before you turn 20. Maybe not that. But you know, you could have some fun. Get kicked out of a dog show.

You know, live a little bit. And then my last one is learn how to dunk. So make sure you learn how to dunk. Like you're not going to be able to dunk when you're over 30. Because I mean, if I had tried to dunk, I never tried to dunk under 30. So I don't even know if I could have dunked.

You probably could have. I probably could have. So could I. Yeah. Now it's too late. I just never tried. It's like you go to a zoo and they have those things that say that the kangaroos can actually jump over the fence.

But don't tell them that because they don't know. Right. Me and you could have dunked. We just never actually tried to jump. Right. That's on us. Exactly. I also probably would have one more piece of advice is

there's going to be like a five-year-old kid in a Cincinnati zoo. Don't let him go into prom base cage. No. That's who says. Sweet prince. All right. That's a show. Mount Rushmore coming Monday.

The first two guests predict what our five recurring guests are in a reply to the pin tweet on part of my take of this episode. And you can win two free shirts. But be excited. Mount Rushmore season is officially back. Love you guys. I feel the same. Crazy hard, crappy tires.

Must be 10 free shots from Kitchigan. Sparkles like new. A fighter. There. All clean again. Hi, I'm Derek Park. Good bye, guys. It's part of my take presented by Barstool Sports.