Pardon My Take - Ryen Russillo + Rachel Nichols Mount Rushmore Edition

Episode Date: June 20, 2018

The NBA Draft is coming up and Michael Porter Jr is FEELING himself (2:27 -8:01). Draft storylines + World Cup talk (8:01 - 11:23). Bachelor talk for guys that don't watch the Bachelor (11:21 - 14:39). Hot Seat/Cool Throne (14:39 - 30:02). Ryen Russillo joins the show for Mt Rushmore season and the Mt Rushmore of signs you're going through a midlife crisis (30:02 - 56:11). Rachel Nichols and the Mt Rushmore of weird 2017-18 NBA story lines (56:11 - 81:23). Segments include Connect the dots for Barry Trotz, As a white guy for Ed Werder standing up for men on the internet, Mike Greenberg's Dumb Rules Daryl Morey and Mark Cuban have lost their minds, and Guys on Chicks. You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music. On today's Pardon My Take, we continue the debut of Mount Rushmore season. With the next two, Mount Rushmore guests, we have our fifth coming on Friday. We told you there were five, we cheated a little bit, but it is Ryan Recillo and Rachel Nichols today, the Mount Rushmore of signs you're going through a midlife crisis, and the Mount Rushmore of NBA Storylines in the 2017-18 season.

We also have Bachelor Talk for guys who don't watch The Bachelor, and, because it is Wednesday, guys on chicks. Before we get to all of that, have you ever been inside a Bass Pro Shop? How about a Cabela's? If you like nature, golfing, grilling, hiking, kayaking, fishing, hunting, or just feeling the warmth of the sun, you don't know what you're missing. Husbands, wives, fathers, mothers, kids, grandkids, there's something for everyone at Bass Pro Shops and Cabela's.

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on the water, do some fishing, do some kayaking, you've got to check out Bass Pro Shops and Cabela's. All right, let's go. It's part of my take, presented by Bar and Stool Sports. Welcome to part of my take, presented by C.E.E.K. Today is Wednesday, June 20th. Right now, I would say I'm a mix of Yannis and K.D. I like going to the hole a little more than K.D. does, I like bumping into people a little

more physical than K.D. but I like to shoot the ball a little more than Yannis. So that's what I like to compare myself to. And also a little Tracy McGrady, I get compared to him a lot and I like that one a lot too. Those are the three amazing players, it doesn't feel bad to be in the same conversation as them. Michael Porter Jr. had that quote. I'd like to compare myself to my stick game to, I don't know, like Peter North, Ron Jeremy. And you know, mixing a little bit of Warren Buffett in there too.

It feels good to be in the same company as those guys. So it is NBA draft season, draft is Thursday night. Michael Porter Jr. saying that he likes, he's happy that he's just in the conversation with the past, present and future of the NBA when he was the only one who said the conversation is the perfect way to kick off getting ready for the NBA draft. The guy who didn't even play at Missouri says that he is basically the NBA Finals MVP if the NBA Finals MVP manned up a little. Speak it into existence.

That's the secret. Have you ever read that book, The Secret? I mean, I haven't read it, but I know a lot of people that have read it. You know, is that where you find the G-spot? Yeah. So it's two inches inside and then directly up. No, it's that book that says the secret to getting everything that you want in life is to just pretend like you already have it.

So just speak it into existence. Also known as just lying. Yeah. So if you're really good at lying, then you can go really far. So I respect his confidence. A lot of confidence. A lot of confidence. A lot of confidence.

I like that. General managers, we know from recent experience, are dumb enough to be incepted into like doing really weird things. Oh, he is comparable to Kevin Durant. Now that I think about it, I've been saying that for years. He's like a little bit of MJ mixed with LeBron. I need to see that on the ESPN like chart, the comparables. Kevin Durant, Giannis, Tracy McGrady.

Yeah. So the NBA draft, I feel like, I don't know why, but this year it doesn't feel like there's a lot of buzz maybe because it's all centers. So the big man, a rule in the day, D'Andre Aten, who signed with Puma, red flag. So that's a red flag for you. I think Puma's cool. Well, it was a red flag when Trey Young was going to do it, but D'Andre Aten did it and then he just said, yeah, I just want to make bank.

And I can respect the hell out of anyone who just says outright like, yeah, Puma paid me the most. If Nike had paid the same amount, I'd be a Nike guy. As a big cat yourself, you should be more respectful of Puma. True. Good point. Puma sweet. Shout out.

What's hot in the streets? I'm going to save my thoughts for about 10 minutes. Okay. Please hold. Okay. Okay. Hanks in a mood right now. Hanks dealing with some stuff.

So the NBA draft, my other favorite part about Thursday night coming around is that we get to rip apart a bunch of 18 and 19 year olds because if you look at, it's the key. Let's rephrase that. Okay. You get to undress a bunch of 18 and 19 year olds. Okay. That's better. Okay.

Any draft is like this where if you look at a prospect long enough, you can basically figure out a way that they are the worst player ever. Yeah. They're like a magic eye poster where everybody turns into like Keith Van Horn. Yeah. Luca. Yeah. Oh.

Keith Van Horn was legit. Yeah. Don't you bash Keith Van Horn. Wally Zerbiak. Is that better? Wally Zerbiak could fill it up. He could. That's what he could do.

That was an 18 year old. Made in Ohio. Love an honor. That was an 18 year old that could fill it up on film. Oh yeah. But Luca Donchis is like the number one prospect for that where he's dominated over in Europe and if you talk to a different, you could talk to two scouts and one could tell you these are the best prospect ever and the other could say that he's fat and he's been playing against

shitty players overseas. I'm going to go with best prospect ever. Okay. I'm officially a Luca guy. Yeah. I've never seen a second of film of him. We actually have Wendell Carter coming, Wendell Carter Jr. coming on Friday. So I think he's better than Bagley.

I like that. I like that. That's a hot take that you can throw out there. I love enough of those. I just like him because we interviewed him. Yeah. He was actually pretty cool. I liked him.

Like he's what, 19 years old? Mm-hmm. This was what was infuriating about him. Yeah. In 1999. Yes. When you see these guys walk across the stage, they were, I think they're all like 1999, 1998.

Yeah. So that's really tough to see. Next year it's going to be even worse when they were born 2000. Yes, it is. It's going to be very, very tough to deal with. And I guess really if you're going to draft, just draft for length and athleticism. You can never go wrong with that. Strength.

Strength. Big asses. Big asses. Huge asses. Let's coach one of these guys in the lead up to the draft process. I would tell him, get some budding plants, just like get after looking like a Kardashian. You'll ingratiate yourself to your teammate as long as you're not Tristan Thompson's team. Let me ask you a question real quick about Luca Donchich.

Red flag or not, he said that when he comes to America and starts playing the NBA, he wants to win titles. He wants to win MVPs. And he also wants to go on a date with Rachel from Friends because I guess they just got that where Luca Donchich is from. The rabbit ears are picking up Rachel's apartment nips over there. That actually speaks to Jennifer Anderson being so transcendent that we're in the year 2018 and there's 18 year olds being like, all I want is a date with Rachel.

Right. They probably haven't even watched Friends over there. No. Maybe it's on DVD. Yeah. But wait until Luca finds out what happened to Pam Anderson. Oh, God, that's going to be tough. Why don't they actually, let's not tell him.

Yeah. Just get some help. She's still hot. Oh, I mean, yeah. I'm going to flip over the part where she dated Kid Rock. Yeah. Too many memories. We also think Pam Anderson would date me.

Yeah, probably. Yeah. I mean, I fit right into her hair again. Yeah. We have the World Cup as well. You'll go bonito. Russia. Yeah.

Russia is a wagon. As advanced. What's that face? That is your pick. Yeah. Yeah. Russia is really, really good when they're playing against the world's like 70th ranked teams.

Yes. Yeah. They don't play down to their opponents. The refs are helping them. I got a Rick Raleigh joke. Hey, Russia, when they win the World Cup, I guarantee they're going to the White House. That's really good. He's definitely going to tweet that.

That's a call you're shocked. I'm squatting on that one right now. Yeah, that's a call you're shocked. I'm shocked he hasn't done it already. Yes. And let's see. Senegal got basically gifted a game against who they play. I don't know.

Poland. Poland. Yeah. Yeah. Poland. The mighty Pollocks. Poland, bad luck again. Yeah.

So that just kind of falls. Is it bad luck if it just falls you around forever? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Do you guys like the morning and afternoon games or do you wish there was some at night? Love them. Yeah. It's free sports. It's basically you wake up and you have sports until baseball starts. It's definitely a detriment to doing anything before noon though. So a lot of times I like to get up and make myself a cup of coffee.

Watch it up. Well, yeah. Watch it up. It's definitely conflicting with my get up time. Yes. So I'm doing this for DVR. So I DVR the World Cup games and you got to watch it get up live because if you miss something, you miss something.

You cannot miss that. You can't catch that on the second goal. No, you cannot. And then the other big story from the World Cup is Neymar is hurt. So I feel like Neymar's always hurt. Well, usually he gets hurt right before the World Cup. Yeah. But he got 10 fouls committed against him.

So now he's hurt. Yeah. Well, he tore his ACL like five times. He suffered like 10 back injuries. Yeah. All in the first half. Yep. Again, Switzerland.

Yep. He lasted as long as he did because those were some brutal, brutal fouls. Oh, man. He got kicked in the shins, on the shin pads, but still, still hurts. I blame Odell Beckham because, yeah, because the hair. So that's all the rage in the World Cup this year. You're always looking at like, what's the new hairstyle? It's usually either like a weird new hairstyle or a very specific new type of cleat.

I remember back in South Africa, everybody was wearing like neon cleats out of nowhere. This year they're all. That's, I blame Oregon for that. Yes. You can absolutely do that. But this is the year of Odell Beckham's haircut making it into soccer. People forget Odell Beckham was a great soccer player. If he was a true patriot, maybe he would have been on the U.S. men's national team and we

would have made the World Cup. That's true. Odell Beckham would have been awesome at soccer. He would have been really good. He would have saved America. I actually, I think I disputed you on this point last week, but I've come around. It definitely hurts that U.S. isn't in there as much fun as I had laughing about it. It really does feel like you just kind of are sitting there waiting for our game to

start. And it's like, oh, okay. So it's Senegal, Poland. Four and a half years from now. Awesome. That's when it starts. Yeah. And then we get trashed by everyone else in the world being like, huh, where's America's

team? I don't know, dude. We're too busy playing football. Real football. Yeah, real football. We're too busy going into free agency in the NBA. We don't have time for that. Yeah.

We're too busy sub-tweeting each other in the NBA. Listen, we're busy over here doing a real sport, which is comparing Michael Jordan to LeBron James. Yeah. Come on. You couldn't do that. We don't have time for that. We do bachelor talk for guys that don't watch the bachelor.

Let's do it. So last night, Becca won on a one-on-one with Garrett. He tells her he is divorced and was married for two months. Okay. Jean... That doesn't count as a divorce, by the way. Two months? Yeah.

It's an annulment. You're married for two months. That's just like, okay, that was all parties admit a mistake. Yeah. Jean... That means you're just really, really horny. Right. That's like saying Dennis Rodman is divorced.

Yeah. It's like saying, I love you so much right before you have sex. Jean Blanc or Jean Blanc. Uh-huh. And then there's parentheses. It says, colagnosia. That literally translates to acid wash, by the way. It's colagnosia, a position, a job.

Call...what? C-O-L-O-G-N-O-I-S-S-E-U-R. Colonisul. Maybe he likes good smelling whale shit. Is that what the clone's made out of? No. He's the one who, like when you walk into whatever it is. Marshalls.

Neiman Marcus. Yeah, Marshalls or Nordstrom. I don't know. And they just start spraying you. Yeah. That'll be a really good way to poison someone. Kim Jong-un, if you're out there listening and you want to just like spray nerve agents on people, don't send your people to airports.

Just have them post up in like a dillards with like a little nerve agent. Yeah. But okay, so he's a colonist tool. And on the group date, he gives Becca perfume and tells Becca he's falling in love with her. She's nodding the same page and sends him home and he tells her he thought he was telling her what she wanted to hear. Five guys go home total, Ryan, Mike, who works at PFF.

Sad. Jean Blanc. Nick. We'll have to wait for the all 22 to come out to determine how good or poorly Mike did. Jean Blanc definitely didn't take a shower the entire time he was on The Bachelor. Well that's, yeah, if you're a colonist sort, that just means that you don't bathe. Right. I just, I love cover-ups so much.

Yeah. There was also a show on The Bachelor afterwards I heard called The Proposal, which was, it was a dating show like The Bachelor, but it's one episode only. And the guy, the girls can't see the guy. They get asked a series of questions and then in rounds he like eliminates them. And the guy can see all the girls and then at the end he has to propose to one of them. It was, it was. So it's like ultra speed dating.

Yeah. So the girl can't see the guy? Girl can't see the guy, but the guy can't see the girls. I would be really good at that show. So he was literally just picking like based off what their answers were, but he could see them. So it ended up where like the foremost attractive girls somehow made it to the last round. This is just, I love reality television because they just got to keep one up in each other

and it's eventually like in the year 2025 it's just going to be a show called the fuck a stranger and you just watch two strangers fuck and then they have to have a kid and raise it. And we watch that happen as well. It's a Truman show. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah.

Well, I think we reached our apex back in like 1996. You remember who wants to marry a millionaire? Yes. That was pretty, that was pretty edgy. We haven't gotten back to that point yet. The proposal sounds pretty similar though. I would say reality television peaked with, I love New York. She, she, Tiffany Pollard, was that her name?

Yep. Yeah. She was my favorite. She was my favorite. Yes. She was the best. From that pumpkin, her rivalry with pumpkin. Man.

What about rock of love though? Both of those shows, I thought Brett Michaels was like the greatest rock musician of all time. Yeah. Because I was so young like he was my introduction until I was like, oh my God, this guy's like just. This is what rock stars do. They go on, they go on VH1 to try to find a girlfriend.

Yeah. Yeah. They wear bandanas because they're bald except for the very like ends of their hair, which they grow out to their waist. Yeah. All right. Let's do hot seat, cool throne. All right.

I'll start. Yeah. You got something to say. My hot seat is humanity. Okay. So a famed paleontologist, Dr. Jack Horner, who's been the consultant and was like the inspiration for one of the doctors on Jurassic Park, came out and said that we're only five years from actually recreating real dinosaurs.

Okay. Using chickens. Let's do it. Whoa. Let's do it. Wait. Using chickens. Yeah.

I don't like that. I've never seen Jurassic Park. Whoa. What? Yeah. That is wild. Yeah. Are you doing a bit right now?

No. I'm not doing a bit. I just never seen it. No. Any of them. Was it against your religion? No. I just didn't see it.

I just never, I just somehow missed it. I feel like that. You ever miss something and you're just like naturally time goes by and you're like, there's nothing I can do. And you're growing up if you like don't have the VHS in your possession. Right. Right. I just missed it.

And they're like, there's no going back. I feel like it would be kind of a weird move to be like, oh yeah, I'm going to go back and watch all the Jurassic Park. How many are there? Well, there's only, so the first two. Good ones. Yeah. And then the new ones pretty good.

Yeah. Never saw it. Never saw it. Never saw that. Never seen Star Wars start to finish. Yeah. Me neither. That's nerd stuff.

Are there just some things I just missed? We should sit down and do a live screen of Jurassic Park. Have you live tweeted? Yes. Let's do that right after. Let's do that right after. Yeah. SpongeBob and Playmakers.

Okay. Yeah. Perfect. I say we do it though. Like I'm confused what took us so long to develop a real Jurassic Park. There should just be a theme park? I mean the movie, like the dinosaurs take over and just fuck it over. Yeah, it's a movie.

It's a movie. Yeah, even I know that that happens. Yeah. That's what happens. Spoiler alert. Yeah. And then Tony kills Christopher. Fuck.

But Tony, I mean like, by Tony I mean the big T-Rex and Christopher is like the rapper who runs around. Who's addicted to heroin. Yeah, he's addicted to heroin. Yeah. Yeah. Um, no, I say we do that. We should do that and we should also rebuild the Titanic.

Call it Titanic too. Yeah. And put, uh, fuck you God on the bottom of it. And just have it just troll. Well, actually no. I mean, icebergs don't even exist anymore. True. That was on the bottom of the Titanic.

No, it said only God himself or not, not even God himself could sink the ship. Oops. Yeah. And then my cool throne is Puma. Oh, okay. So they signed Zyra Smith, Deandre Adrien and Marvin Bagley and named Jay-Z their creative director. Wow.

So Puma's back. Jay-Z know this? Yes. So the clothes will only be available on title. Mm-hmm. Make it exclusive. It's the first step into gaining relevance again. Yeah.

But I think, I think Puma's going to be on the comeback. Like even, remember when players started going to Adidas a few years ago? Yes. When it was like kind of shitting on it? Yes. Like James Haran's shoes came out. Everyone shat all over him. Now Adidas is back.

Puma's on the five year, five year come up. I like Puma. I want to say for the record, I like their jumpsuits. Mm-hmm. There's a little like 80s panache to wear in Puma. Yeah. You feel like a footy guy. And people are like, okay, I don't know what that guy's deal is, but if he's wearing Puma,

he's into something weird. He's probably a bookie. Mm-hmm. Is what someone in a Puma jumpsuit looks like. Yep. Shout out to Jules. Shout out to Jules. That's it.

All right. PFT, go ahead. My first hot seat is memes. All memes. Mm-hmm. Never. According to numerous documents. Never, ever, ever.

According to numerous documents and sources, Alex Jones has warned that Article 13 is going to ban all memes and charge a posting tax. Hmm. So. A meme tax? No, just posting in general. What is a meme? Where does a meme start?

Where does a meme start, and just like, where does a take stop and a meme start? A meme ends when I tweet it, so we know the end point. Oh, it's when Darren Ravel go opposite. When Darren Ravel puts it on the Ravel Times. Yeah. I'm actually in favor of a meme tax just to put Darren Ravel down a few notches. Yeah. A meme tax would be wild.

Uh-huh. Because then you, like people. You really have to make sure that it's worth it to deploy a meme. Yeah. Well, the idea of, I think Chris Rock said that guns should be free, but bullets should cost a million dollars each. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Twitter's free, but if you want to post a meme, you got to pay, you got to pay the piper. I don't hate that. I don't hate that. Okay. You can have my memes when you pry them from my lotion-y hands. Yes. That's what I say. Also, my hot seat, New England Patriots.

Ooh. More Trouble in Paradise. Uh-oh, Hank. Up the New England Hank. This will be especially interesting for you. This came out that the Patriots did shop Rob Gronkowski for a trade, allegedly, according to reports, and they only did it to teams that they trust. So that just means like coaches that are from the Belichick coaching tree that he's installed

as puppets. But wait, four teams. Now they can't trust them anymore. Now they can't trust them. Because now it's come out. Well, they can't trust one of those teams. Interesting news. So if Matt Patricia winds up dead in Lake Michigan tomorrow, you know what happened to him.

Interesting. Do you think it's fake news? Yes. I think they shopped them. I think it's sweet that they are only trusting those trades to guys that they know. It's like you're re-homing a dog to a family with a big farmhouse upstate. We can't give you the medicals, but we trust us that Gronk is totally healthy. My third hot seat, this is a big one, though.

Racism Sniffing Dogs are on my hot seat. I don't know if you've been up on the internet streets recently, but there is a puzzlingly popular account called Racism Dog who will just find people being racist online. Racism Watchdog. Watchdog. Watchdog. Excuse me. They'll quote tweet something.

They'll be a big time different account. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. It's just a racist dog. Yeah. Yeah. So they just...

Just like triumph. Yeah. So they just quote tweet somebody who's being racist online. And then they just type woof afterwards. And it's developed quite a following. And today, it ate the trash. The Racism Watchdog ate the trash. It quote tweeted someone, let me pull up the story so I don't get this wrong.

There was an article about a lady that was on a bus that said like, I'm going to kill white people. And they quote tweeted that and said woof. That's problematic because some people were saying, hey, the purpose of this account is to identify systemic racism and not just bigotry. So systemic racism watchdog. Yeah. So...

Does it just tweeted it? Does it woof at every master's tweet? Yes. Yes, it does. So it said today that it was shutting the account down for a while, running the account is emotional labor that we're not cut out to do every day, and self-care is important. And so I went down a little bit of a wormhole with the Racism Watchdog and their owners because their owners also have an account.

Yep. This is very important. Of course. And also like a couple of days ago, they started a Patreon for people to give them money for running the account. And they're like, hey, if you give us $500, then we'll make your dog the avatar for the Racism Watchdog. Oh my God.

This is perfect. And so the owners of this account are having a meltdown right now. And this is just, this is Twitter in 2018. It is, like this couldn't sum it up better. You have someone who has an account where they just, their entire account is to like blast, put other people on blast. And then when they get it back, they have a mental health breakdown. And before they do that, they ask people to donate to their Patreon.

Yeah. I'm going to start using self-care more often. I need a lot of self-care. Yeah. Whenever I do something stupid. Yeah. I got to take care of some stuff. Yeah.

Usually self-care in the morning and at night. Yeah. At night right before, maybe in the shower too. Yeah. Well, if you like have writer's block. Self-care usually fixes that. Good distraction. Yes.

Well, it doesn't really cause you just get sleepy afterwards. True. My cool throne. My first one is. Oh, geez. TO. Oh. TO is on the cool throne.

He ran a 44340 hand timed. Hand timed. Yes. Hand timed. Hand timed. Yes. Julio Jones. Okay.

And giving him advice on how to deal with contract negotiations. Oh, my God. So if you are Thomas Demitraff, the GM of the Falcons, how scary are you when you see that like bottom line? TO is giving contract advice to Julio Jones. Yeah. Well, it's funny you bring that up because the Falcons are pissed off at Julio Jones. I would imagine.

For hanging out with Torello. You think? Yeah. That is, that basically means we're not signing Julio Jones back. But I also think that TO is playing chess while we're all playing checkers because by running this 443, he's silently putting out there, hey, I'm not going to my own induction the whole fame. I'm still available.

I can still run. So maybe if I bring Julio Jones down far enough, you can cut him and then sign me. Yeah. I don't hate it. I like that. I like what he's doing there. My other cool throne is Robert Griffin III. Okay.

So he did an interview and he said that he is nurturing Lamar Jackson. So he's taking Lamar Jackson under his wing. So he's positioning himself right now as the Lamar Jackson whisperer. That is the smartest thing he's ever done. It's really. He's like, I'm so crucial to this team because I'm the one who's keeping Lamar Jackson on the straight and narrow. Yes.

So. Who he didn't even need it. But RG3 is like, you can't cut me. Yeah. I'm Lamar Jackson's guru. Uh-huh. I was Lamar Jackson before Lamar Jackson. Yeah.

So you need me around. Um, hey Lamar, uh, you're going to want to pick out a few oak trees to practice your accuracy. Hey Lamar, first tip. Don't tear your ACL every single season. Yeah. Don't throw out palm trees. They're too skinny.

An oak tree can withstand it. Plus they're about as fast as Michael Crabb tree. Doesn't Greta have a sister? Greta does. And her sister's name? Grit. Oh, we should need Lamar Jackson dating her. Also cool throne for Robert Griffin III because if you saw his Instagram the other day, uh,

it was a picture of him. Go figure playing quarterback with his tongue sticking out and Greta commented that what she said like that magical tongue with three tongue emojis, that famous tongue. They, they, they cyber sex in front of us. Yeah. I like it. It's hot. Yeah.

It's really hot. Unblock me, Greta. Um, all right. We have a, uh, my hot seat, uh, is Bryce Harper. So Bryce Harper, Bruce Harper shaved his beard because he's in such a bad slump that he thought, Hey, I'm just going to change up my look and people will just forget that I stink now. Yeah.

So he's batting to 17 in a contract here, by the way. So I don't know what's going on with Bruce, but anytime someone's like, Hey, I'm going to get a haircut. You're probably, you're going to, getting a haircut, shaving your beard, something you're hiding something. Well, he was also playing against the Yankees and they don't allow beards. Maybe he just doesn't, maybe he's hiding that he stopped doing something this year. And so he's, you know, not good anymore.

Maybe just recognize that having a playoff beard when your team gets eliminated in the first round every single year is stolen valor. It's weird seeing him without a beard though. Um, my other hot seat is me because I'm getting dragged on Twitter for having gray hair. And I was wondering if you guys think I should dye my hair. Yes. Coach K style. Really?

Yeah. Jet black. Okay. Cause like I'm really getting dragged. Like it's getting worse. It's getting worse and worse by the day. And everyone's like, Oh, you're so gray. That's so, so sad.

You should dye gray. Oh. Lean into it. Full silver Fox. I was going to say something that I probably, all right, at some point this year, maybe four hymns will hook me up, see if I can get, see if I can get a touch up so people can a little paint job. I don't know if they do hair color though.

Well, they better. They should start right now. Get on it right now. Yeah. Get on it. Just for men. Finally, hair coloring for men, for men. For men.

Men, men. Um, and then my cool throne is Stephen A. Smith who's been in the news a lot recently. But here's another, I don't know what's going on with Stephen A. I told you, he is, he is saying like more and more preposterous takes and weird stuff just so that he can get cut so he can go out and reunite with, with Skip Bayless. Okay. So Stephen A. Smith's body is on the cool throne. He said, uh, I used to think the almond milk was best, but then somebody told me, a trainer

told me there's too much estrogen up in there in the almond milk. That's right. You don't want to walk around with man boobs if you don't have to. I got away from that. So he's good. He basically, I think his trainer's Billy football because that was Billy football's entire like training regimen is don't drink that it will give you tits. Everything else like he didn't actually know anything, but Stephen A. Smith no longer has

tits. So almonds are all female. Is that what he's saying? I don't know. The fellas, it feels like the weirdest things have estrogen in them, right? Like IPA is now give you tits. Yeah. Well, that's been true for a while.

Almond milk. But we don't know if that's true. Actually, that was Billy that told us. Again, Billy football. Right. That's the worst thing. A bunch of things that give you tits because I guess half the world has tits and you're right half the time.

That's yeah. Well, that's a really good point. Maybe Phil Mickelson has been sponsored by almond milk this whole time. Although he's kind of lost his tits. They're peaking out there. Yeah. The time is starting. Time is not being used.

At least 50 years old. They're starting to get down there. Troop a little. That's good though. I'm looking forward to seeing Stephen A. Smith like a six pack. Oh my God. If you gave Stephen A. Smith a six pack, he would do nothing but post shirtless selfies. All the time.

Just rip it off all the time. Before we get to Ryan Rosillo, if you haven't heard, we switched to the Cash App. By now you know it's the number one ranked app in finance and lets you do the most with your money. Whether you want to pay people back, buy and sell bitcoin, deposit your paycheck right into the app or order a free custom cash card to spend anywhere you like. And now the cash card is more powerful than ever with Cash App's latest feature, Cash Boost.

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it on your car or anything like that. Comes right to your door and you're ready to sleep, lisa.com slash barstool, $160 off. Check it out right now. Okay, here it is, Ryan Recillo. We now welcome on the fourth member of the Mount Rushmore, a first time Mount Rushmore recurring guest. It is Ryan Recillo. First of all, where does this rank in honors that you've received in your life?

Top 40. Top 40? Yeah. Okay. That's a lot of honors. I don't think anybody actually gets 40 honors in their life. You name two other honors in the top 40. I won most unique in eighth grade.

Okay. That's not an honor actually. That's just the weird kid. I'll give that to the strange kid that has disturbing interests. I didn't win most unique. As I've been moving, I went through stuff and I found a middle school yearbook and then I saw who won most unique and I just realized how bad stuff was in the late 80s because they picked two Asian kids and I went, that's so bad.

We honestly were just voting for two kids and then I'm like, and that's just, so I actually didn't, you know what? You caught me in a lie immediately. I didn't win most unique in 88. Okay. So the other lie was the top 40. It's more like top four or two. Van Pelt and I won talkers 100.

We were 82nd in best radio show right behind the Joe Morgan Yahoo baseball hour. Joe Morgan was pretty knowledgeable about the game. So you only got half that award then because it was you and SVP. Well, it actually was all SVP because it was the Scott Van Pelt show. No, a lot of trust me though, a lot of times, whatever recognition, like I, you know what? That one's not even mine. So, over two. Yeah.

Well, guess what? You're on the Mount Rushmore of recurring guests for part of my take. I'm pumped. Yeah. Just take your honor and run with it. Yeah. It's big time. Big, big come up for you to be on this.

Is that getting anything? Yeah. You're gonna be taking sure. Sure. Sure. Whatever you want. Actually, we don't make shirts that just are recued around the pecs. Yeah.

So, yeah. We'll get you a tank. We'll get you a tank top. Before we do our Mount Rushmore, can you give us, because it's gonna go tomorrow before the draft. You're a draft guru, draft Nick, draft, draft Nick, yeah, draft Nick, um, give us a hot take that we haven't heard about the draft, a team outside of a lottery trades up for Donchich.

Oh, I like that. Do you think Donchich can get, get rid of his baby fat? You guys knew he was fat, huh? Yeah. Oh, come on. Listen. Nice. It's not a big deal.

Just, just on the phone with a lot of guys and he goes, you know, Donchich is getting fatter. Yeah. It's just weird because he's still playing. How do you get fatter when you keep playing? Ah, LeBron James gained seven pounds per game, so. Baby LeBron. Maybe he's the second goat.

What country is he from? You ever noticed when people argue for LeBron, they just, they make him like 290 pounds? Yeah. Yeah. He's a tank. I've been saying that for years. They add like, it's him, they add 10 pounds to his weight every time you mention him. With KD, you add an inch to his height every time you mention him.

Yes. Yeah. It's incredible because like, like there's a pretty good chance LeBron's not nearly as thick as he used to be. And I think it's because, you know, as you get older, it's like the Dunkin' thing gets thinner, play longer, and he's probably like 250, but if somebody's trying to win the debate against Jordan, they just make him 270 plus. Yeah.

It's a good strategy. It's very true. It's very true. So wait, where's Donchich from again? Slovenia. Slovenia. Is that a, is that a real country? Yeah.

It's right next to Serbia, right below Yugoslavia. And above Montenegro. Yeah. Right there. Okay. It's all right there. Okay. I was going to say like what, what do they eat over there?

Perogies? He's been like, he got some of that agent money and so he just spent it all on like a big batch of perogies that he's got stored in his shed. I feel like you're assuming his diet and I don't really appreciate that. Okay. That's true. All right. That's fair.

All right. Let's do the Mount Rushmore. So we're doing the Mount Rushmore of signs you're going through a midlife crisis. Now, we picked this totally random just to give like an example of something that would be a sign that you're having a midlife crisis is to pick up, sell your house in Connecticut, move to LA and try to become a screenwriter at the age of 46. That would be a sign of a midlife crisis. Yeah.

If I were 46. Oh, how old are you? 48. Early 40s. Oh, early 44. You're like LeBron. We're going to add a year to your age. If it's how we mentioned you.

I'm 42. Oh, okay. Wow. Oh, don't get mad about it. Jesus. Yeah. Yeah. So that would be an example.

All right. We apologize for you being so dumb. Yeah. So all right. Let's do Mount Rushmore of signs that you're going through or might be going through a midlife crisis. You can start. Then PFT, then me.

We're going to do a snake draft. So it goes two picks. We're going to get this right. It's only three of us. Hank's dealing with a war against a DMV. So you start, Racillo. I'm sure this is going to be tough for you. You don't have any personal experiences to draw on this from.

Should I take the longest one for last or should I just come out of the shoot with it? No. Well, it's a strategy here. So if you save that one, then you can get some other good ones out of your system before me and Big Cat can take it from it. Let me go with the good one. I've never told this story before. I can't believe I'm doing it now.

I would say NNA classes are high up there for a midlife crisis. And it would happen to me, you know, I was like, you know what? I used to do this a little bit when I was younger and really skinny before it was cool. I was like, I'd like to get back to that. Maybe a challenge, my body type of thing, you know, who knows, see what happens. And so I signed up, I went to the class and I said, what, you know, what do you have for me? So I hit the pad a little bit and they're like, oh, you know, hey, you'll be fine.

We have an intermediate or beginner. And I looked around and there were some dudes that like a really fight and there was a ring and everything. And I go, okay, well, you know, like your bench numbers are good and all, but you probably don't want to go in there right away. So why don't we just go beginners for that way if you're a little bit more good, better than just getting your ass kicked. So they're like, okay, beginner class is Tuesday, blah, blah, blah, show up.

So I take my hands, I walk in and it's kids, it's high school kids. And I'm looking at the, like the instructors going, you guys, you guys are kidding me, right? And it's, there's even some kids there where parents were there. And so I had to team up with like this kid whose self-conference was low. He might have been a little chubby. And we went back and forth and they're like, all right, 10 kicks left. And then 10 kicks right. And I'm going, what are you doing?

Like out of here? And you go, you know what? Don't be uncoachable. Don't be a bad apple. Get through the class, show maturity. And I'm like, yeah, but dude, if anybody actually saw you now in your thirties hitting high pads with a high school kid, like this is so embarrassing and like, what are you doing?

So I made it through most of the class and then at the end they go, okay, we're going to break up into two teams and then we're going to have a leapfrog competition. So I actually leapfrog with a high school kid after my NMA class and then quit. Are you sure this was an NMA class? Yeah. So you're Cramer. Yeah. It sounds like Cramer in that episode where he does karate against elementary school kids.

I mean, I looked at the guy after I go, where you think he goes, we're going to move you up to intermediate. Where are you? Well, no, let's, I mean, honestly, do you think that you could have kicked all those kids asses? Yes. So did they give you a belt? I feel like you should have got a belt for that.

Whenever you're the toughest guy in the room, you get like another belt in karate, right? They gave it stickers. They gave you a lollipop and stickers. That's a perfect first one though. I had that on my list as well. MMA or some kind of like CrossFit. Yeah. Just, just really getting into some kind of new workout.

A tough workout. Yeah. Doing like an adventure race. Yeah. Or something like that. Yeah. Well, mine is similar to that, but I think it's, it's a little bit different. Mine was trained with Navy SEALs because you desperately are seeking the approval of your

father. Yes. That's a good one. So if you get really into military culture because like you're dominating a sport which isn't that athletic, you want to prove yourself in something else, especially make your dad love you, then you just start training with the Navy SEALs and you go to Arizona and you break your back. Yeah.

That's a great one. Hypothetically. Hypothetically. All right. My first one, I'll go with the easy one. You got to get the young girlfriend that's like half your age and everyone looks at you like, what the fuck is going on there? Usually happens after a divorce, but that's a telltale sign for a midlife crisis.

Actually, she's really fun. Yeah. Exactly. Makes you feel younger. So my second one is going to be, and this is a specific look, and I think you guys know you can, you can like visualize the guy. He's usually got a little too, too much tan, little too much sun. He's got the faded jeans and he's wearing like skin tight clothes and he's got the shirt

that's like a thousand dollar button down shirt that he could have gotten at Bloomingdales for $40 and it has when, when the collars have like the floral patterns and that's the look. And he's got to roll it up just a little bit. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. I spent the extra money for the bespoke design.

Yes. Exactly. So that look is just a telltale. Yeah. That guy's struggling with some things, some inner demons that he can't get over. Okay. I like that one. Okay.

Now you're going snake. So you're going snake. I do. You did? The young girlfriend? Yeah. You're struggling with snake dress. We're not even high.

That's the worst part. Okay. Um, my second one. I'm definitely not. Here's my second one. Okay. It's going to be, um, stop jerking off. Ooh.

So guys that get real into like self-help and self-care in the second half of their life, they get into like nofap is what they call it. And they're like, you know what? Your body actually produces more testosterone and you think with the clear gorilla mindset if you just stop touching your penis altogether. Yeah. So it's actually, this is something that I'm doing for myself. It's like doing this.

I'm not doing anything for myself. Yeah. And like you're getting into the sting tantric sex bullshit and like trying to, you know, research like how do I become better at sex? Cause I'm having sex with all these 20 year old women now. Yeah. I'm thinking so much more clearly now that I'm going through this midlife. Yes.

Yeah. Your comments, Ryan. I'm just. I'm just right. Can't relate. You're taking notes. You're taking notes. I got caught.

Uh, all right. I want to stay in the fashion lane, but I think this is, at least it's own pick. So you guys can rule on this, but it would be the Louis Vuitton high top, maybe, uh, Ferragamo, maybe Fendi. Really high. Like if you're a 40 something and you're not living in LA and you're not pretty, like if I run into you and you're wearing a spiritual gangster scoop next to you, which isn't funny anymore, by the way, um, in the spiritual gangster, some of the dreams big cat was talking

about and Louis high tops that are thousands and thousands of dollars. Yep. And then I run into you on the East coast. Like if I see you in Nantucket with it with this outfit and I'll be like, oh, you know, you're a producer and you see work at Charles Schwab, then you're trying too hard. Yes. Yes. Definitely.

It's basically anything that you could see in Buzz Bissinger's closet. He's leather. I know. Is that how he dresses? No, he wears leather. He got addicted to leather. He's addicted to shopping for leather pants. You don't remember that story?

Oh, he literally got addicted to online shopping for like, like skin tight leather pants. I think he spent like $60,000 in a year on leather. He's a leather dadder. That's what he calls himself. Here he is. Imagine moving and then going, because, you know, again, I just moved. You start looking around going, dude, I really need a hoodie of the ultimate warrior and you go, like if you're Buzz Bissinger and you have 60 grand worth of leather pants, you

have, whatever you move, you have to go, I could cut back on this. Yeah. Whoa. That's a lot of leather pants. Look at your closet. Do a real look. You're like, oof. You own like 16 shirts from, you know, the Blackhawks weighing the Stanley Cup.

That's probably excessive. Okay. I'm looking this up right now. He said, and this is, this is quotes from him, I own 81 leather jackets, 75 pairs of boots, 41 pairs of leather pants, 32 pairs of oak couture jeans, 10 evening jackets, whatever the fuck that is, and 115 pairs of leather gloves. Oh my God. What?

Yeah. Oh wait. That's actually kind of awesome that he told everybody. Yeah. I think that was part of it. I think that's part of like having an addiction to leather. You have to come clean. I took a detailed look at the items I've purchased from 2010 through 2012.

I was afraid quite candidly, although a total of a quarter million dollars would not have phased me. I was somewhat off. The total was $587,412.97. Fuck. Man, that Friday night lights thing blew up. Like the fact that you could drop half a million dollars on leather is kind of cool. Yeah.

It's actually something to aspire to. Yeah. When you start that phase of your midlife crisis, Ryan, we're going to stop you at like 200,000. 200,000. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you've got to have some leather. Yeah.

I dressed like a total chump now. I dressed like a jerk. I was wearing an army dry fit at Restoration Hardware Shopping for Furniture. Still involved? I had like, yeah, but you know, they're like, somebody thank me for their service and my service. And I was like, yeah, I just had a good shoulders today. All right.

You have another pick. Oh, snake dress. Snake job. Okay. All right. I think there's always a time as a guy and like, now that I've gone through it, you don't know when it's over until it's already over. Right?

So when I was younger and we used to bartend, I would see older guys out and I'd be like, why is he here? Like, what's he doing? Like, it's over for him. And it was over for me and I wasn't really quite aware. And now I know it's over, but it's been over for a few years. So I think what happens is there's always this hesitation if you're going to like somebody wants you to talk to like, hey, do you want to introduce you to a girl or whatever?

The first thing you do now is look up when they graduated from college and then you go, you know what? This person is not even going to want to talk to me. This person isn't like, I'm taking myself out of the running before I'm even, you want to put me in the lineup and I'm telling you I'm hurt and I don't want to play. So I don't know if that falls into a perfect category, but I think there's this self-awareness that comes with the midlife crisis of going, no one's going to like me anymore. So why do I even bother?

And I miss being 37, 38 when no one liked me, but I didn't know. So what you're describing is actually like the lead up to a midlife crisis. So you reach that point of self-awareness and then you spin it into, you know what? I'm just going to pretend that none of that stuff phases me at all and you go hard the other way. Right. And then the other one, which Ryan just stole was telling every 20 year old girl, I'm so self aware.

I know it's over. You want to go back to my place. That's a good point. Yeah. Yeah. Your comment. Yeah. Good one, Ryan.

You really nailed that midlife crisis. I, I, okay. I was waving to the studio guy here and he's like, I'm good. I'm doing a phone or I'm on the rush bar. Maybe I just want to share. Yeah. I'm not going to give a timeline here, but somebody was like, oh, you got to meet this girl.

I was like, okay, fine. No problem. No problem. Thought about it. Thought about it. Thought about it. Thought about it. About the DM forever.

Then over thought it. And it was like, you know what? Let's get some, let's get some years here and then look at the graduation here and when I'm out. 2014. Yeah. If she graduated post ACC realignment, she's out. Yes.

Good rule. Yes. Right. Because if they respond to your DM with, is there an internship, like an internship available? Yes. If she doesn't know how great the Big East used to be in basketball, then we can't talk. Yeah.

All right. I'll go with. Right. Go ahead. No, because that Big East meant a lot to me. So that's a very good time. Yeah. We won't have a lot to talk about on the second date.

Yeah. They won't know how the garden used to be the mecca for college hoops. Calhoun and Bayhime used to hate each other. Ray Allen. Allen Iverson going at it. Can't relate. Earl Kelly. Tim Coles.

Gary Bethelink. All right. I'm surprised you don't do better with the ladies if you're dropping Gary Jesselink references on them. My third is, this is, I'm shocked this one lasted so long by a sports car. Yeah. Preferably red. Yeah.

Preferably convertible. Preferably having white snake blasting from the sneakers. I actually think that you can, so that is definitely true. Everything he says is true, but I think you can also do now like the gray or black Audi or BMW and do it that way. Yeah. If you put racing seats in it. Yeah.

Actually you can just do like a Honda Civic Si if you put racing seats in it. The leather stitching. Yeah. The red leather stitching. Matt Black. Matt Black finish. Yeah. Matt Black rims on there.

What type of car do you own, Ryan? That one. Do you know what, what, do you just bought a new car, right? I did a Range Rover. No, seriously. Did you buy a Range Rover? Oh yeah, but it has black rims and they're matte. I would also nominate like an H2 in that category.

Yeah. So just, just get yourself a sweet car. Yeah. Wait a minute. Was the H3, was the H2 the small one? No, the H3 I think was the small one. Yeah, the H2 was smaller than the original Humvee, but it was still pretty big. Yeah.

The H3 was like a guy that wants to stick his toe into the, into a military car water. Yeah. Yeah. Who buys the H3? The cock. Yeah. The official, the official car of Cox. Yeah.

Someone who doesn't have the money. All right. Someone who, yeah. Someone whose wife is going through midlife crisis that they're not aware of. Yeah. My, all right. So my third and fourth, the third is if you're bald or going bald, you either take one last run at growing your hair out or grow the beard.

So you switch it up with the beard to counteract the baldness. I feel like these are directed at somebody. Yeah. I grew my beard. I was free beard. I may grow my back out. Oh. Oh, it is.

Oh, so you're trying. So this is, this is describing you. We didn't know that. Weird. Okay. You could also get hair plugs. I didn't realize. No, I don't think I'll do the hair plugs.

I'm afraid of the upfront thing. Like I'll see guys that are late 40s former steroid users probably back on something to do curls all day. And they have this, like the most perfect level line you've ever seen next to the ocean horizon. Yeah. It's just a bang that goes straight across the forehead and it scares the hell out of me. You need that.

I want to do that. You need that. All right. My last one is you start hanging out with like younger dudes. So you start hanging out with dudes that are half your age. You're like, you got new friends. All your old friends are gone. So like if you're 40, how old are you again Ryan?

42? Start like podcasting with a couple 33 year olds. Try to keep yourself young. Maybe get a couple of boy toys around you to like, you know, okay, I know what the 18 year olds and 19 year olds are doing. Go to like podcasts. If I'm with them, if I'm with them, it's not so bad. Or I mean just in general with somebody who were with someone that age.

Right. You go to clubs with them. Like, hey, the boys are going out tonight and you just look around. You wake up one day. You look around and no one who you went to college with is around you or any of your friends from your past. You start hanging out with like a younger professional athlete that's down on his luck and not playing anymore.

Yeah, sort of thing. Yeah. Okay. Super Bowl champs. Yeah. The entire spectrum. You call your college buddy late at night and then his wife yells at you the next day for licking up the kids.

You're calling so late. Oh, actually, wait. Whoa. Hold on. Did you think we were talking about you? We were talking about Dave Portnoy. Wow. Yeah.

You moved, you moved your sports. You just, you just told on yourself there you move your sports blog to New York. Wait. Actually, I moved. I moved out to LA. Honestly, I mean, I didn't know how much longer you guys are going to go with that. I thought you were directing. If you were doing the Portnoy, then it probably means that you and I are more like.

No, no, no, no, you're confused. All the stuff before that was you. That specific one hanging out with 20 year olds. Yeah. 20 year olds was definitely just for Dave because he has, he has, I mean, he literally has a team Portnoy crew and they're all 22 years old. He created. Are you guys too old to hang out with him?

Yeah. He created a, he created a game of 22 year olds. Literally. That's kind of awesome. Yeah. It's pretty sweet. It's intimidating. It's true.

It's true. Cause I was, when I thought you guys were only talking about me, which has been most of this, I was going to say, yeah, you could have your own national show. And when you do topics that you did 10 years ago, that big cat does five years after you did them, you could be accused on Twitter of stealing. That's a deep cut. That's a deep cut, Ryan. We thinks the lady, what is it?

Doth protest too much. Yeah. Doth protest too much there, Ryan. Sounds like you're a little triggered. All right. PFT your last. Okay. My last one.

I think trying to think, trying to think because we took a lot of really good ones. I was going to say, get really into playing pool or some obscure bar game, but I'm going to vacate that one magic tricks, some kind of hobby like, yeah, a weird hobby. Magic is a really, really strong one. I'm just going to go with, you start playing more video games because you're trying to get back to your 18 year old self. So you buy the latest system and then you log on to, to, you know, playing call of duty or something like that.

You've got 12 year olds in the group chat calling you racist words and just sniping you mercilessly. Yeah. That's a good one. Okay. That is a good one. I wasn't going to go with that because I don't play any video games anymore. I stopped.

Right. Right. Sure you did. No, I did. Okay. Sure you did. We'll see you in call of duty tonight. Same time.

What's your last one? Get your kill ratio up, bro. Last one would be, I thought it was going to take it, but it is hobby. It's crazy. It's that weird Sunday Vegas flight back and you go, I need to do something different, man. I'm going to learn how to play the freaking guitar. Yes.

Oh yeah. Alley in. That's so good. No, playing guitar, picking up guitar is a really strong 40 year old. And like inviting like some dude, some like, some like 18 year old kid over your house and pay him 150 bucks an hour to teach you guitar and you can't learn like three quarters. And you go out and you buy like the most expensive guitar because you're like, I'm going to treat myself.

So I'm going to maybe even get a guitar collection signed by Stevie Ray Vaughan. Yeah. You get like three or four really nice Paul Reed Smith guitars and like vintage Eric Clapton Fenders and you just hang them up on your wall and you can like struggle to play a C chord. I had a buddy that bought a band feel and financial guy had his own little Edward Jones franchise. The guy bought a banjo and I was like, what's the story?

And he was hammered and he started picking away at it like it was daylight and he sucked. We went back over like a year later, back to his house. His banjo was in the garage. I was like, what happened? Like, I'm all, you know, life. I got over it because I was going to say that's the saddest walk of shame that I've ever heard in my life is like the point where you realize that it's time to walk your banjo to the garage.

Yeah. Just put it away. This was a fail. I'm not going to get good at this. Yeah. Apparently it's really hard too. Like guitar, you can probably, if you have any kind of ear, you figure it out a little bit.

A couple chords there. It's not true. It's so, you know, banging out, you can see some county crows, but yeah, this guy went full on banjo. He had all the little things that he had on his fingers, little picks, so he put all five of them on. I can figure it was terrible. Like if you play one string, you can kind of fake it, little smoke on the water, but

he, yeah, he sucked at that. I resent a stone's another one because we had to deal with it at ESPN and they were like, who wants to learn Italian? I was like, I obviously want to learn Italian. And they sent me the thing, I plugged it in to my laptop and put on a little headset. I'm like, Joe, you know, all right, yeah, I'll pick this up this weekend and I haven't looked at it since. Yeah.

You realize you're back at school. You're like in, you're in middle school and like, this fucking sucks. I had a theory learning can be fun and something that you want to do, but when you actually try to learn something, it's awful. I had a couple of honorable mentions. One was just get into like a lot of vitamins, GNC, do a lot of that shit. Like, you know, I'm going to live forever. Hot oil.

Yeah. Kind of bullshit. Yeah. Like you're, oh yeah, I'm taking this for my liver and this for my kidneys and this for my joints and like all that shit. Doing any kind of, kind of like the MMA stuff, but like skydiving, like whitewater rafting, anything that's like super extreme. Like man, you wouldn't believe like what I'm doing now.

You're, oh, you're still working in a cube. I jumped out of an airplane. Oh, there was another guy attached to me, but I jumped out of an airplane this weekend. That kind of shit. Wait a minute. You calling out guys who are jumping out of an attached to tandem jump? I've done it. I've done it.

No big deal. I live, I live by the seat of my pants, but you don't have like a skydiving bumper sticker on the back of your car. Right. That's when you, whenever you get into like a new culture, after the age of, I'm going to say 25, you're trying too hard to fit. Right. Like if you, if you snowboarding or biking, you get a fucking road bike, you get, yeah,

the tour de France. Yeah. You get in the fucking whole suit and you just bike around your neighborhood every weekend and be like, wow, I'm going to make the tour next year. One of my honorable mentions. Count your miles. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You're like, oh, I just, yeah, it's 70 miles on Saturday. No big deal. I had an honorable mention of getting a tattoo, getting a big tattoo for the first time. That's good. That's very good. Like fucking, I'm just going to do it. And it's just a tribal tattoo and you're going to go double biceps with it.

I also had a start reading more bullshit self health books. Yep. Read a lot of those and get into golf. Yes. Big time golf. Yeah. Which is really just a code for having a mistress. Yeah.

I want to go drink with my buddies in the golf cart except I'm just going to go to my mistress's house. Yeah. Well, do you have any honorable mentions, Ryan? No, you guys fired off a ton there. I mean, the book thing is huge because like, you know, that one that's titled, you are a bad ass. I mean, they might as well just have a line outside of Barnes and Noble.

Like people just like grabbing that. I am a bad ass. I'm going to whip through these 250 pages and then look out world. All right, Ryan, thank you so much for telling us about your life, doing the Mount Rushmore of midlife crisis things. So we appreciate it. Congrats again on top 40 achievement in your life. I feel great.

Thank you. Hey, where can people see you on draft night? We're doing a draft pod with Jay Billis, so the Rocillo podcast, I can actually subscribe and also Twitter show live from the ESPN feed. It'll be about an hour before the draft all the way through the first round with the Jacobian scheduled guests. Maybe Bill Walton's stopping by. That would be amazing if Walton stopped by.

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Now for something completely different. All right. We continue Mount Rushmore week with the third member of our Mount Rushmore. It is Rachel Nichols. She is officially first time Mount Rushmore recurring guest. Congratulations. You told me this over text and I texted you back that no lie, I was getting a little emotional over it.

Yes. You were very excited. I could sense the enthusiasm. We could sense something. Let's call it enthusiasm. Yeah. You're actually, I think, the only recurring guest that has gotten their recurring guest t-shirt.

Great. That's an even more exclusive club than being on the Mount Rushmore. Woohoo. Where does this rank in career accomplishments? It's on my Mount Rushmore of career accomplishments. That's a good answer. That's a very good answer. Now, so you say that you're very excited.

You say that this is one of the most important things that you've ever done. Yet you were 15 minutes late to call in for us to record you. So what gives? I would like to explain that we had Bill Walton on the show today. Okay. That's an actually good explanation. No, you don't have to say anything more. We know.

We know. Bill with two Ls? He literally kept talking through the, I had to throw the break with him still talking. He kept talking through the break and was still talking when we came on the air for the second segment. And then, and this is really amazing, after we're done, he gets up and there's a bunch of like art photos of like, you know, Hall of Fame NBA players on our set. He gets up and he goes over to the wall and takes the Bill Russell photo off the wall

and says, I'm taking this with me. And I say, ha ha, Bill Walton. That's so funny. And then he literally takes it under his arm and starts to walk away. This is on the set. There's a giant hole now in the wall with the little photo used to be. And I say, Bill, ha ha, you know, we do need the photo, we're on the air again tomorrow. And he's like, yeah, I'm taking it though.

I really like it. It's beautiful. This is like a beautiful photo. Yes, it is. That's why we have it. And then he said, well, I'm going to just here, here, and then he takes a Sharpie out of his pocket because who doesn't travel with a Sharpie in their pocket. He walks over to the wall and then signs the wall where the Bill Russell photo used to

be and then said, see, here, now you don't have a blank space anymore. And then he walked off the set with it under his arm and that is what I've been doing for the last 15 minutes. All right. You've been tracking. Bill Walton, Art Thief. They should make a new oceans movie about Bill Walton. I'm happy you continued the story because we could have had you.

We're just saying Bill Walton. We knew exactly when we would have been enough. Yeah. Well, when we interviewed Bill Walton, we went for about three hours and around our two, like two and a half hours in, he kind of just came to and he's like, how long does this podcast go for? And we're like, uh, that's up to you, Bill. And he's like, all right, let's wrap up.

It's like you, you're the only one who's been talking. Incredible. So please, anybody who's listening to this, tune into the jump for the blank space behind me. Yes. I like it. Yes. I like it a lot.

So in honor of Mount Rushmore season, we're doing the Mount Rushmore of weird NBA story lines from the 2017-2018 season. We figured that there are plenty to go around. So, you know, we're gentlemen on the show, so we're going to let you go first, but it's going to be a snake style. So you might actually need to help us remember who's up because we're not too good at keeping track of that sort of thing. So it's going to go you, and then it'll go big cat, then me, let's keep the order we've

already done because it's going to go PFT second me because if we do that, we're screwed. Let's just keep, we're going to screw up if we do it otherwise. I think it's to go me, PFT, me, big cat, me, no, no, you'll get two in a row coming back around. That's a, that's the suicide one. Yeah. Running the lines after practice. Yeah.

All right. So you, you start and we'll, uh, and we'll go from there. Okay. I am, this is a hard call for number one pick. I feel some responsibility, um, because look, there's two things in my mind that would compete for it. And they're both so unbelievable that if you set them to anyone before the season, they would just laugh at you and say, Oh, come on.

That's like Bill Walton stealing from you on live television. Um, no one should forget the score in an NBA finals game, but I still got to go with a general manager in the NBA getting fired for someone in his family, possibly him. Uh, Burner tweeting his own players. That's my number one. That's a solid one. Now the big question is in today's day and age, we have to put the suffix gate onto any sort of scandal.

Is this, is this, um, burner gate, right? Collar gate. I was going to say collar gate. Yeah. Slant gate. Yeah. Get a new slant gate. Yeah.

Move on. I just like get a new slant. Who talks like that? Can I, can I, I know we won't do this for everyone, but I'm sorry. I don't know how closely you guys looked at his statement when he resigned. I don't have it in front of me, so I can't do the whole thing for you, but he was talking about how he basically was not involved at all and his wife getting any of that private information.

He had, he had never had any conversations with her, I never had whatever. What was he accusing of her in that moment? Was she reading his diary? Yeah. Maybe. What the fuck was that? Whoa. That was the most insane part of it to me.

I didn't tell her any of that stuff. Did she bug him? Did she surveil him? I want to know. I have questions. First of all, there's something awesome about hearing somebody that's always on cable TV, drop a deaf bomb. And so that was cool.

So I want to say that was awesome. Thank you. Yep. To respond to your actual question, I think she probably hacked its cloud. Well, I was, I was going to say, he just was like, hey, listen, if I'm going to be unemployed, I might as well be single. So let's just go all the way here and, and we'll break both things up midlife crisis. Did you hack his cloud at human, euphemism or is that, you just actually mean?

No, probably hacked his cloud. Probably just hacked his cloud. He probably did that stupid thing where he signed into his iMessages on the, on the family iPad. On my family iPad. Exactly. All right. So I've got, I've got Colorgate.

Okay. That's, that's a good first one. My first one is going to be, see, I don't want, it might be recency bias, but I think I'm going to have to go with LeBron James is pretty much broken hand. That is very recent bias, recent bias, but I mean, it was basically broken. Rachel, you were the one that asked him that question, right? Well, he came into the presser with the rap cast. What are we calling it?

Are we calling that a rap? Are we calling it a cast? It's a cast. Do you think that he asked all his teammates to sign it before he left so he might never see them again? I noticed that there were no signatures on it. So bad teammate. Yeah.

No one wants to sign it. Well, it was black. The, the, the cast was black. So, but. So no one could be like iHeart, Fred, like any of that stuff. But you technically broke the story because although he walked into the press conference, with a cast on waving it in everybody's face, Sam Abek, Brian Binhorst, David Benjamin, they were all recording it before the press

conference. I appreciate you. I appreciate you big jang me like that. By the way, Wendy's hair has been phenomenal. It's like he's, he's got like a double wave going. He had at the finals. He brought his game for the finals. Can't knock it.

Yeah. Um, all right. That was, I'm going to say that was a reason see bias. You could have gotten that at the end of the draft. I didn't even have it on my list. Well, Rachel, you might not have broken the story, but you're pretty much broken. Yeah. You're pretty much broken.

Right. There you go. Um, all right. My number one is going to be JR Smith throwing a bowl of soup at Damon Jones. That is. Oh, that's at last turn. You said JR Smith. Yeah.

I thought I knew you were going to use, I thought you were going to take a huge act, my friends. That's, you know, honestly, like the JR Smith forgetting the score in the finals is less crazy than JR Smith throwing a bowl of soup at an assistant coach in anger, which. Do you guys know what kind of soup it was? Cause I do. Oh, wait, it was chicken tortilla, right? It was.

Yeah. You got to let her, you got to be like, I don't know. And then you just, I got to fit my brand kind of ruined that one. It took a lot of the air out of the room. A lot of the air out of the room. All right. My number one is when the Arthur meme gate when LeBron Instagram, the picture of Arthur's fist and then dream on green, just trolling LeBron all year long.

Like when LeBron went bald and then dream on green, put it up on Instagram and said the warriors made LeBron go bald. Yep. Basically any trolling of LeBron. My number one. I totally forgot that that LeBron bald head Instagram thing was this year. Yeah. We were just like yelling into the camera and singing.

Been a crazy year. That was a wild video. Yeah. And then my number two is actually recency bias as well, but this was funny as shit. We didn't even talk about it. Wait, wait, wait. Oh wait, are you snake drafting? Snake drafting.

Yeah, no. You're snake drafting. You're snake drafting. Don't get stuck. Stuck in the snake. All right. All right. All right.

I knew who your dad was. Yeah. I mean, come on. Ruthless. Wait, is that the rap where they just kept on saying buy the merch, buy the merch? No, no, no, no. So the day after that, Lonzo dropped a diss track that was just, he shat on Kyle Kuzma and like literally, like I think they're friends, they are friends and they like bust

each other's balls. Oh my god. They're actually really whole. You see them rockin' together in the pool and they have like tons of back and forth on Twitter and IG like all year long and look, I'm sure they're okay after this, but there's some reporting that Lakers were not happy about it because here you are about to do free agency auditions and your two sort of most high profile young players are getting into what looks like a little bit of line crossing, right?

Yeah. You don't know who your dad is? That's a big one. That's a big one. All right. My number two, it's tough here. I went back and forth with which injury related crazy story I wanted to go with, but I think I'm gonna go with Markel Foltz just like forgetting how to shoot a basketball, use his shoulder,

the reports, like I feel like now because he seems like he's gonna be okay, we've kind of lost how crazy that was, but that stretch where we were like getting weird videos from random gyms of him not being able to shoot a basketball and air ball shots. That was crazy. First pick in the draft. Yes. And he doesn't play for the majority of the season because he just forgot how to shoot. So yeah, that's my number two.

That's a solid choice of two. My second, I'm gonna stick with LeBron. I'm just gonna go Sheesh. Sheesh made his debut this year and it rocked all of our worlds. We couldn't stop saying it, the phrase that took over the airwaves. LeBron James becoming a full blown, I don't want to say alcoholic, but he was addicted to saying Sheesh. Absolutely.

And so was I. And then everybody else was too. There you go. I'm thrilled. This is my turn again, right? Yep. Okay. I'm thrilled you guys left me with this.

Tunnelgate. How could you guys... Tunnelgate. That's a good call. That's a good call. You have the Houston Rockets charging into the LA Clippers locker room through a secret tunnel, dammit. Yeah.

I mean, that's a good one. That's actually, that's egg on our face. I blame PFT for sticking only on LeBron. Well, I... You should have picked it. I had Tunnelgate and then I had Sheesh right next to it and when you see Sheesh, you have to say Sheesh. Yeah.

Yeah, that's true. My hands were tied. All right. So what's your number three, Rachel? Hmm. All right. So I'm trying to like figure out what you guys have already hit. I'm going to say Kauai Leonard.

This is... Ooh, good one. Weirdest storyline. Yep. Kauai Leonard played nine games for the Spurs this season. He spent large chunks of time away from the team. People were alternately either pretending nothing was wrong or that everything was wrong. Tony Parker comes out and says, I had the same injury, but a million times worse or

whatever he said and yet I'm fine and I'm playing. And then the Spurs, this is my favorite part of the whole thing, that when he was away from the team at the end, the Spurs were not putting him on the injury report as being hurt. They said, return from injury management. Ooh. I don't know what that means. Injury management.

Have they... You're an insider. It goes on my mount much more. Yeah. Have they... Have Pop and... I heard Pop and Kauai sat down and Pop was just like, hey man, do you... Here's...

Let me just write this out for you. This is how much money you're going to walk away from. And he's like, oh, okay, actually we're good now. None of that happened. Okay. Damn. All right. My reporting is a little off.

What about my reporting that Kauai Leonard's a conservative and he was upset with Greg Popovich being so liberal? Also didn't happen. Okay. Kauai Leonard did attend a little memorial that was put together for Greg Popovich for losing his wife, Erin. He mixed him with the team and apparently according to all accounts, and Adrian Merchant asked the other day that everything was very smooth with that.

He was totally a full participant in being there for the coach and the family. And then yes, in the next week or two, I don't know when this podcast is dropping, but in the next, whenever you guys out there are listening to it, it may have just happened or it may be happening, they are going to meet and discuss kind of if their relationship is going forward. So I was right. Wait, so I was right. So yeah, Greg Popovich is going to be like, hey Kauai, look at all the zeros that we can

give you. I don't know. Would you give him... So they can give him an extension that's $219 million over five years. Yes. If you're Kauai, you're taking $219 million, I would imagine. But are you giving it to him if you're the Sparks? Yes.

Probably not actually. Yes. If you don't use it, you lose it. That's how Supermax works. Is that how it works? I just made that. Okay. Okay.

All right. PFT, you're third. My third, I'm going to go with the whole Kyrie, Isaiah Thomas saga that went down. So that also, we have to count Kyrie not being happy in Boston in part of this drama because as we've learned over the last week, he basically wants a trade right now, right Rachel? That's also not true. Okay. I heard true.

We'll just take the quote of true. And then the way that Isaiah Thomas handled being in Cleveland, LeBron James beefing with him, then him going out to LA and what happened there, I think that was... People forget about that because it started, that was like a year-long drama thing that we had going on this year. Yes. So I like that one. I can't believe you're lumping all of that into one.

It's a little greedy of you. Yeah. No. I think it's all in the same cinematic universe. I'm just going to say this right now, I think PFT's having a pretty bad Mount Rushmore here. I think it's pretty good. That's the LeBron story, which I'm going to save.

But my third, which I can't believe is still here, Kevin Durant had a burner account. Kevin Durant had a burner account. Like he was the original burner account. That was just here. The fact that he was the original burner account is insane. Going around defending himself against Russell Westbrook, insane that the MVP of the NBA finals is like so insecure that he has to go around with a burner account and be like, actually it was KD who carried the thunder.

Crazy. Can I circle? Yeah. Go ahead. I just want to circle back on one Kyrie note that when he said that he wasn't going to pay in a contract extension this summer with Boston, that is because if he waits until next year, he can get 80 million extra dollars from Boston. Also, he wants to just suck all the money out of them that he can.

Take money away from potential teammates. Also he wants to make sure that it's not Brad Stevens' team. That's a big deal. That's a big deal. Hank, you got your third and fourth. My third is going to be Eric Bledsoe just tweeting, I want to be out of here and then being traded shortly thereafter. Sub-tweeting the Suns.

Yep. And then my last, I had Kyrie, I had Durant. I'm just going to go with Ben Simmons being a point card and not being able to shoot a three pointer. That's a good one. That's a good one. He didn't make one the entire year, right? Yes.

I think he attempted one. I don't think he made one. He didn't attempt. I think he only shot like half court. What happened during the season or during the playoffs? No, during the season. During the season. Wow.

I don't know. I think he might have attempted more than one, but it was less than 10. And they're all like end of the half, end of the quarter. Like as he is. Yeah. Right. And then there would be like random videos where he was actually shooting threes and draining them.

That was the craziest part. That was the craziest Twitter account ever addressed or his burner account ever addressed the fact that he only drafted players that didn't know how to shoot. Yeah. That should definitely be brought up. No, they should be brought up. They should have. That's probably the first thing they should have addressed.

Ben Simmons went 0 for 11 for threes this year. Took 11 threes. Wow. 11. Not ideal. All right. My last one and I'm actually frankly shocked that no one brought this up. The craziest NBA story, LeBron James, 33 years old, 15 years in the league, played all

82 games. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Didn't get injured. Hmm. Seems like his durability is going up at 33.

Hmm. Most athletes, their durability goes down. Hmm. He had like back injuries the last couple years, right? Oh, good point, BFT. Back injuries aren't really something that you can just move on from usually. No. Hmm.

Hmm. What do you think? What do you think, Rachel? Hmm. Well, I think that he has done extensive work on the back. He hired a whole army military dude to like put him through all these weird training exercises or whatever. Worked for Tiger Woods.

Yeah. Worked for Tiger Woods. Yeah. I'm going to help. Hmm. I know what you're implying. No, I'm not. Wait, wait.

You guess. You guess what I'm implying. Above board. Above board. You say it. You say what I'm implying. Can't we just be impressed? Nope.

By someone's athletic feats of daring do. Can't we? Listen, Rachel. This is called a podcast. That's not what we do on podcasts. We have to accuse everybody. We have to go into a witch hunt. Yeah.

Is it possible that LeBron James is doing the thing where you take just red wine baths? Ooh. Because I saw that. Hey. I saw that. That's like a new thing. Isn't it? Yeah.

He's great. He's really extended his career. Yeah. All right. So my last one. I mean, this has been a really, in all time, great showing for me. So I'm running out of, I'm running out of good ones. So I'm going to go with.

Big basketball guy. I'm going to go with the continued success of the jump on ESPN featuring host Rachel Nichols. Yeah. This is so. This is as taking, taking sports television by storm. Outlasting Barstool Van Talk by two full years. Wow. This has been terrible.

On ESPN. Mount Rushmore for your PFT. This is on your Mount Rushmore. Weirdest, craziest NBA story line. Oh. Oh yeah. What's weird about that? Yeah.

What is weird about that? You didn't think Rachel had it in her? I'm just saying that it's been a tremendous success. Wow. That's. That's. Now what you're saying. Yeah.

That's back. Okay. The problem is I got all my ones taken because I went for some really shitty Mount Rushmore. So I had to. Okay. Here. She was a shocker. Here's my real one.

The rise and fall of Joe Prunty. Oh, that's good. Okay. Yeah. You could just. You know what? You guys calling Jason Kidd sitting at his desk and answering the phone on a random like Tuesday afternoon.

Yeah. And also Jason Kidd getting fired and then trying to call Giannis to get his job back. And then Joe Prunty being hired as, but he was Joe Prunty ever named head coach or crazy or anything. Instead, take a shot at my show. Totally fine. Yeah. I was, I was not taking a shot.

I was being very sincere. He got stuck. Wait, Rachel, I have a question. Was Joe Prunty ever named head coach or was he just always assistant coach? Interim. Oh, he did get the interim. Okay. I thought they, I thought they just were like, let's just keep calling him assistant head

coach. They did not. Okay. My turn again. I can't keep track of where the stake is. Yes. This is the end. So this is your last one.

Yep. I think again, now this is my fourth and I will say that my three are pretty good, especially compared to you guys. So really. But this is definitely number four for me in terms of after you took all the other good ones. Is it Nicola Miricic and Bobby Portis got in a fist fight at practice that he broke Miricic's jaw.

And then Miricic first of all said, I won't come back if he's still playing. Then it was like, yeah, you're not that good. You got to come back. And he did. And then they went on this crazy seven game winning streak that ruined the bull chances of taking. Yes. That was a great story.

Sometimes when you punch your buddy in the face, you end up being better friends afterwards. Yeah. I had that on my honorable mentions because I didn't think anyone was going to take it, but the bulls went, they won 10 to 12. They won 27 games total. They won 10 games when Miricic came back and it was, that feels like it happened 10 years ago, but that was this season. I have a couple.

There's the middle of the season. Yeah. Well, no, well, you punched them at the beginning of the season. That's true. Yeah. But then it was like December. Yeah. December run that was just, yeah, fucked everything up.

Of course the bulls. Run their team. Yeah. Only the bulls could screw up tanking when they have everything set up. When they literally have a fight in preseason and they still found a way to screw it up. Like the Hickey team hates each other. I had a couple that we missed. Okay.

The Raptors congratulating Dwayne Casey on Twitter for coach of the year. Week after they fired him. That was a good one. That was pretty good. What about future LeBron congratulating past LeBron on future LeBron's accomplishments on Instagram? That was very good. That was a very good one.

Did you have any other honorable mentions? I got nothing. You guys took a bunch of mine. What did you have? The only one I had that I didn't name was Embiid Duncan on Russell Westbrook and just listing like crime scene investigation. Yes. That was good.

That was good. Red Panda, maybe being over the hill. Whoa. Yeah. I said maybe. I said maybe. Wow. I mean she's had a number of high profile mistakes.

Yeah. It's been bad. Okay. Wait. Can we compare Mount Rushmore's before we go? Yeah. We let the listeners do that. Yeah.

The listeners vote on it. Hank rigs the votes. He always wins. Yeah. Can we summarize everyone? Yeah. Summarize mine. It was great.

So I was number one. What were your four? You do your four, Rachel. And then we'll come back around and everyone will say their four. Colangelo Burner account. Rockets Clippers Tunnel. Kauai Leonard. Getting into a season long fight and not playing for the Spurs.

And the bulls punching each other and not even that allowing them to tank right. Yes. Okay. PFT. I forgot all mine. That's pretty strong boy. That's pretty strong boy. I think I got you B.

I had Handgate. I had pretty much broken Handgate. Yeah. I had Sheeshgate. Mm-hmm. I had Joe Pruntygate. Mm-hmm. And I had Rachel Nichols being great at being on television.

Mm-hmm. But do you actually screwed it up? But like it's, yeah. You actually dissed it. But it was, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I had J.R. Smith throwing soup at Damian Jones. I had Markel Foltz forgetting how to play basketball. I had Kevin Durant having a burner account. And I had LeBron James doing HGH's first reported by Rachel Nichols. Yeah. Those are my four.

No one takes J.R. for getting the score? No. No one did. Actually, I just did. Oh my God. Yeah. I just got it. But that's not crazy because it's J.R.

Smith. You're basically like saying, hey, J.R. Smith was kind of high. Mm-hmm. Who knew? Who knew? And then Hank. Hank, what's your four?

I had Arthur Memegate, Eric Bledsoe Gate, Ben Simmons not being able to shoot Gate, and Lonzo Distract Gate. I think it's between me and Rachel. No, I think it's probably me and Hank. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think so. Congratulations.

Thank you. Rachel. I think the voters are going to be on my side, I would say. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for joining us. Thank you for being such a good guest that you made the Mount Rushmore.

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That's blueapron.com slash pardon. Get your first three meals for free, Blue Apron, a better way to cook. All right. Let's get to some segments. First up, we have a Connect the Dots for Barry Trotz, who resigned as head coach of the Washington Capitals after winning a Stanley Cup. True. Rode out on top.

The caps are cheap. Got to have term limits in DC. What was the Connect the Dots? To the Connect the Dots, he's just been showing up in different airports around the country. I don't know if he's actually interviewing for a bunch of jobs, but he's doing a very good job of marketing himself. He was in, I think, Newark earlier today. The couple teams around, devils, a couple teams in the area, and then later on he showed

up in Seattle, in Seattle's airport. So we know that they're getting a team back, allegedly. So Barry Trotz is now the most wanted man in American hockey, which is amazing. And so you guys are trying to spend this on me and be like, oh, you lost your head coach. Come get your leader. No. I mean, the caps are cheap. I think that's fair to say.

The Capitals are cheap. I read an article where it's like they always pay their coaches the least amount of money. Well, if an article is set it. No, I mean, it's you can see how much each coach gets paid. They pay the least amount, primarily since like 1998. It's called being smart. Well, was it if you just finally won a Stanley Cup? Well, we weren't paying them very much to do it.

But isn't it cheap to then just let your Stanley Cup winning head coach? I mean, you're spinning it because you have to. I think it's actually... I think you can easily say, yeah, the caps are cheap, and maybe Barry Trotz isn't a good coach. I think it's very generous to let your Stanley Cup winning coach walk and cash in on something. It'll actually make it more attractive to future coaches saying, hey, if you do well, then we'll just cut you off to the sunset and you can make a lot of money somewhere else.

Come here. We won't pay you. And then when you do well, we'll pay you even less than that. Yes. Tremendous upside. So no matter what, your next job is going to be a huge pay increase if you go to DC. You got a little triggered yesterday when we brought up Trotz. Listen, listen, I'm fine.

Here's the deal with Barry Trotz. I think that there's an element of truth to what you said. It's not mutually exclusive to say that the Capitals don't pay a lot of money to their head coaches and also that we didn't want to resign Barry Trotz. Correct. I don't think that Barry Trotz is a great coach. I think he got lightning in a bottle. Well, he won a Stanley Cup.

Well, yeah. Oh, he's elite. Yeah. Well, so Trent Delford. Okay. But I mean, just saying, he won a Stanley Cup. He's a Stanley Cup winning coach. He is.

He got lightning in a bottle. He's not great, but he won a Stanley Cup. AKA Moonshine. And the Vechkin's got plenty of that. Lightning in seven. He got lightning in seven. Yeah. Ooh.

Nice. That's good. That makes up for your jazz joke. Yeah. Is the jazz joke coming? The Vechkin next season. Is it summer? Yes.

You just turned summer? Did it? Is that the 20th or the 21st? No. 21st. Okay. So it's still spring. Yep.

So next season is summer, which starts Friday's show. We'll be in the summertime. So I look forward to your jazz joke then. Mmm. Next season. Oh, I got it. That's a good one. He got you there.

Cynantics. We have a, as a white guy, this is for Ed Warder, who kind of ate the trash, stood up for all white guys. So essentially SI was, was, uh, just all guys. All guys. Everywhere. Yeah. That's true.

All guys. Guys is a persecuted gender. And dudes. We need someone like Ed Warder to be at the front for us. But, uh, SI was hiring someone and Charlotte Wilder said, uh, she tweeted, like, if you're a woman, you know, please, you know, DM me, I can give you help here. Basically saying like everyone, like not saying only women can apply, but like, hey, there's probably going to be more men applying than women.

And Ed Warder got very upset and was like, oh, you saying guys can't apply for this job? So Ed Warder, as a white guy, I appreciate your service, making sure white guys are represented in sports media. Right. Also, Ed, if you want to really do a good deed here, um, how come we don't have any dudes in the swimsuit calendar in sports illustrated? Yeah. Body issue has them.

Yeah. So sports illustrated is. So Ed, I expect Ed to jump on that case very hard in the coming weeks. I also think that, um, Ed has probably just had his mind warped through years of just hanging out with Brett Farve and Jerry Jones, because they used to always stick them on those assignments, right? Where he would just like go live on Brett Farms Ranch or whatever you call a ranch in Mississippi plant plantation plantation, he would just hang on Brett Farves plantation or go hang

out like in Jerry Jones's private office. So if that's the only source of human interaction that you've had, you're probably going to be very produde. And it's also a case of Ed Warder, he, you know, was working for ESPN forever. I don't even know if he had Twitter before ESPN, I mean, he probably did at the end because he had to break news, but he used it just for breaking news. And then it's like, Hey, Ed, you don't have to work for ESPN anymore. You the, the possibilities are endless for you on Twitter.

And then he just spent his time caping for dudes. You know what? This, this could all be solved if Ed Warder just changed like the, the name on his account to, um, to sexism watch, watch dog. And instead of just saying something, he was just like, yeah, it's just a construction worker's whistle. It's a cat call. Yeah.

Sexism cat calls. Ed Warder just getting, he's got, he does this every two months. He gets into these fights. I, I forgot that I got into a thoughts and prayers off with him a couple months ago. So he's, he's, he's, he's getting it going on Twitter right now, getting his brand out there. Um, before we get to guys on chicks, we have a Mike Greenberg's dumb rule and, uh, this one will blow your mind.

I'm going to, I'm going to say it slowly so people can understand it. So Zach Lowe reported this, that Mark Cuban and Daryl Mori are both interested in this solution to the end of basketball games. So here's what they have at the first dead ball under the four minute mark, the clock will go dark as officials add seven points to the score. You already lost. Can you start it over again? Okay.

So at the first dead ball under the four minute mark, the clock will go dark as officials add seven points to the score of the leading team. The first team to reach that score wins. If teammate leads team B 7870, you add seven to the 78 says 78 team. So when the clock stops with three 58 left, so 85, seven, they play, no, they play until one of the teams reaches 85. Oh, I got it. The score stays the same.

You just have to reach this course to seven. Okay. Yes. 85 wins. It's called the, the Elum ending named after Ball State university professor Matt Elum, who bird the idea. Um, and it's essentially, it's Daryl Morey is like perfect MBA because eventually he just wants it so that we don't actually play the games or just play it on a simulation

on the spreadsheets. Yeah. So it's good for the Rockets because you can't choke away in the last two minutes. Yeah. You're just playing to that number. James Harden, he's actually not out of shape because he doesn't have to play the last four minutes. That's actually very smart.

It's a very smart move by Daryl Morey to change the entire rules of the game just to favor your team. This is, I don't understand. This is when the nerds have gone too far that they're coming up with these ideas. He's basically, he's enforcing a poll tax on the NBA. Yeah. He's saying, it's like if Danny Ainge said, okay, tell you what, if it's tied at the end of regulation, the team with the most draft picks wins.

Yes. Yeah. Exactly. The, I would actually do if, if at four minutes they just go into like a half court shoot off or a dunk contest. Ooh, that'd be nice. That wouldn't be terrible. This idea would blow Ryan Whitney's mind though, because you take away the last two

minutes of the fourth quarter altogether, who knows which part of the game he's supposed to watch now. I mean, hockey is kind of the same over time. It's just first to one. So it's like, That's your point. That's your point. The Elum ending.

Sudden death. I don't even know. It's supposed to take away intentional fouling, I guess, which like be better at foul shots. I don't really understand the whole fucking thing is insane. These nerds, they've gone too far. All right. Let's do guys on chicks for real guys. Let's get, let's get back in control of this podcast.

Is it weird to refer to your vagina as a gash? I think you can use that word. We can't. Yeah. We can't say the G word. Yeah. But in the right circumstance, I think it would be cool to hear. You're like, fuck my gash or that doesn't, that wasn't, that didn't sound that cool.

That was, that was the opposite of, yeah, fuck my gash. How about that? You get, yeah. Listen, you can call it whatever you want. I don't think that guys are going to start hitting vaginas just because you, you call them something different. No. Should I be flattered or scared that the same guy has DM'd me every weekend for the last

month and I haven't replied once? Well. Playing hard to get. Yeah. That's what he thinks. Does this guy have red hair? Yeah. I think you, I think you should be weirded out every single day with no response.

Every weekend. Every weekend. You like persistency though. Yeah. That's true. And a little consistency too. Yeah. Block him.

Report him to your local police department and, and maybe buy a gun. Yeah. Hey guys, my boyfriend is almost 21 and still wears Nike crew socks with his sparris. I've thought about stealing the socks, but I'm worried he'll just buy more. Any advice? Wait, he's almost 21. So what happens if you're 33 and you do that? You wear socks with sparris?

Oh, I don't know the sparris, but I wear my socks high. Yeah. No, but what are you saying? With sparris? Yeah. I think that's a look. I'm confident. If you do a look, if a guy does a look that looks terrible, that means they have confidence.

You, women just don't understand that shit. Yeah. I'm super confident when I'm just wearing sweatpants. Right. Exactly. So yeah, like I haven't bought new clothes in 10 years. That's how confident I am. Listen, he's, he's 20 years old.

You should be glad that he's wearing shoes at all. True. That's actually a very good point. Yeah. Sounds like sparris are expensive. Yeah. This kid's ahead of the game. Yeah.

This kid, this kid's probably got a fucking hedge fund or something. I took two birth control pills instead of the normal one. Yup. I'm better protected, right? Yeah. Now you're really not pregnant. Yeah. There's double, double it down.

Now, if you get pregnant, you don't have to count that as a pregnancy. Yeah. So the kid won't, yeah. Just, I mean, you have to raise it and everything, but technically it's a virgin birth. Yeah. I'd even triple up if you need to. Mm-hmm. Isn't that what birth control, like the morning after is?

Yeah, it's like a super shot. I think it's just like a mega pill. Yeah. So just take all your pills at once. That'll be fine. Take it. Wash it down with a little vodka. Take your birth control and plan B.

And forehand. Yeah. And wash it down with a big glass of almond milk. Yeah. And be on top because you can't get pregnant that way. Speaking of which. Or you can just wear a condom, but that's, never mind. Just kidding.

Some guys, especially Big Cat with the Juicy Taint, my boyfriend is trying to convince me. That definitely sounds weird when you say it. Just wait till the remix at the end of this show. My boyfriend is trying to convince me it's safe to finish in me as long as I squat down and sneeze afterwards to blow it all out. Is it true and should I trust him? So yeah.

Yeah. Absolutely. First of all, yes. Blow it all out like you're a fucking whale. This guy sounds like he's a practicing object. Instead of using a condom, just like have a big thing of pepper next to your bedstand. So after you're done, just snort a bunch of the pepper. Stare directly at the sun.

Look right in your light. And then just sneeze out all that spewge. Yeah. Do the cinnamon challenge after you have sex. You can't get pregnant. Well, yeah. Just put it in your, in your gut. Put a big teaspoon full of cinnamon and you're just thinking about it until it sneezes out.

Oh man. Plug your nose and blow. That actually is like the perfect, that's the perfect guys on chicks question too because it's a guy who's talking like we're talking right now, but totally seriously. Hey honey, go squat over in the corner and sneeze until you blow that come out. That's self care. It's practicing self care. That's great guys.

Some boys, especially PFT, my boyfriend is a huge fan of yours. One time he made me listen to your podcast for the entirety of our 13 hour drive to and from Florida. All right. First of all, that's 26 hours. That's almost like waterboarding. Like listening to anybody talk for 13 hours. Yeah.

Luckily, I thought you guys were hilarious and I listened to PMT with or without him. Although I love you guys, do you have any other ideas for entertainment while driving long distances? Hmm. I was going to say jerking off, but you're a chick. Yeah. Well, you can still, you can chill off. Yeah.

Yeah. You can drive. Gas off. I'm the guitar. A lot of states are hands free right now. So what you're going to want to do is you're going to want to just drop the trowel and then you're going to just ride with one of your tires on the rumble strip the whole time. Yeah.

And just like press down against the seat. That's a really good time, Pastor. I really, I mean, just start dipping. That's really it. Like if you dip on a road trip, it goes by a lot faster. So and it's hot. Guys love that. Guys love it.

They can pack a lip. Yeah. All right. Last one. Whenever my boyfriend farts, he takes a huge whiff to see what it smells like. Why do boys do this? Because it smells great. It smells really good.

It's my scent. You got to make sure it too. Like there's definitely some time. Do you guys like it more when your farts smell worse? Yeah. Yeah. Well, it depends on the circumstance. Like if I'm going into a danger area, which is like packed with people, then I get a little

anxiety. It's like, oh no, if I got to let one loose, it's going to be trouble. Yeah. But if I'm just like at home, let's say it's a long weekend. Just dishball in the bedroom. Yeah. Let's say I'm at home all alone. Dishball in the sheets.

Yeah. I got the place to myself. I want to smell a fart. I don't want none of this like, you know, silence, but well, no, I like a silent but deadly. If it's neutral smelling, I get disappointed myself. We were just talking about self care and a guy smelling his own fart is pretty much the closest he'll get to going to the doctor because like, you know, you know, when you're sick or something's not right, you can tell basically by your fart.

So that's when I'm when I'm selling my fart, I'm actually, I am going to doctor. So if you care about self care, like racism dog watch or whatever the fuck it was, you just let me smell my own farts, my own piece. That's it. That's it. All right. So Friday, we are going to have Wendell Carter, Jr. Don't know what team he'll be on and the completion of Mount Rushmore season intent.

It's another Ryan spelled differently. Oh, I think he just gave it away. Yeah. Ryan Reynolds. I got him. I love you guys. Drink out. Drink out.

Drink out. Drink out. Drink out. Drink out. Drink out. And that's it. That's it. That's it.

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