Pardon My Take - Scott Boras, Mt Rushmore Of "That Guy" And The Rockets Hate Each Other

Episode Date: June 19, 2019

This League is in full swing with the Rockets hating each other, Carmelo back, Kyrie ghosting Danny Ainge, the Raptors parade, and the Warriors taking out newspaper ads (2:27 - 21:51). Mt Rushmore of "That Guy" including well actually guy and guy who tries too hard at intramural sports (21:51 - 40:30). Hot Seat/Cool Throne including Brett Favre and Lebron's Hair (40:30 - 53:33). Super Agent Scott Boras joins the show to talk about his career, the Bryce Harper negotiations, arbitrations that have gotten nasty, and negotiating Kris Bryant's next contract (53:33 - 97:39). Segments include bachelorette talk for guys that don't watch the bachelorette, respect the biz umps, PMT sports biz minute, locker room talk, uhhh ya think, and guys on chicks.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music. On today's pardon my take, we have Scott Boris, a little bit of a different interview, a little more serious, but very informative. Scott Boris, you went to his lair in Southern California, probably the most intimidating door I've ever seen in my life when he was there. He had about three to four thousand baseballs just laying around his office, in various

glass cases. His door was massive, massive. I felt like I needed to like answer a riddle to get it to open. You were so intimidated you didn't take a shit there. I didn't, that's true. Yeah, exactly. All right, we have that. We have big time this league because it is right in between the NBA Finals and NBA drafts,

so this league is heating up. Without Rushmore of that guy, hot seat, cool throne, guys on chicks, bachelor talk, tons more. It is a packed Wednesday show for you, and it is all brought to you by the Cash App, the number one finance app in the App Store. Cash App is the most powerful way to send, spend, and save. It's connected to the free cash card, the only debit card with boosts. Just select a boost in your Cash App, then instantly save at some of your favorite places

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Boy! Boy! Now in the street there is violence, and then a lot of stuff will have to be done. No place to hang alone washing, and then I can't live all on the sun. Oh no, we're gonna run down to electric high venue, and then we'll take it higher. Oh, we're gonna run down to electric high venue. It's part of my take presented by Barstool Sponsors. Welcome to part of my take presented by the Cash App.

Go download it right now, put in code BARSTULE and you get $5 to the ASPCA. Save some animals. Today is Wednesday, July, June 19th. I got it right. And PFT, we have a Raptors Parade. Chris Hardin and James Paul apparently haven't spoken to each other. Who's this? Chris Paul and James Hardin apparently haven't spoken to each other in two months.

We have Kyrie ghosting Danny Ainge. We have the Warriors cocking themselves with a newspaper ad. And Anthony Davis is already at the Lakers, so this league. This league is in full effect, and you left out maybe the most important part. Our league, the NBA, or the ABL down in Australia, New Zealand just got Lamello ball down there. Now, many people are coming at us saying, hey, PFT, hey, big cat, why didn't you get Lamello ball on your team? And while the answer is twofold, one, that's not our call. We recruit for the league as a whole, and then the league decides where the player goes.

So we got him. So we're two for two. Mission accomplished. We got him. Good job, big cat. We got our man. Hey, we got him. We got him. Two is it's good for us to have a rivalry with the ball family.

Correct. So now we don't have to team up with LeVar ball because if he was actually part, if we had Lamello ball on our team, there's no chance that we would be able to outshine LeVar. Correct. And his mouth. So now we get to go up against him. So it's actually good for us. Four times a year, maybe.

Yeah, probably a home and home and home and home and home. Who knows? But yeah, but yeah, the NBA is going crazy. I mean, it's it's everything that we thought was happening in Houston going on. Well, yeah, same thing that's been going on for the last three years is now just going on in public. Well, they so this is the ultimate this league week leading up to free agency because NFL is completely. This is the five weeks of the year where NFL really has nothing going on. You have MLB in action.

You know, hockey just ended, but this league because of the draft, the finals and free agency and the Houston Rockets blowing up where two months, two months, James Harden and Chris Paul have not spoken to each other. Apparently, Chris Paul keeps trying to reach out to James Harden and won't like he won't respond to him. Just go to the strip club guy. That's where he is. He's in the same room every day. Chris Paul. So it comes down to James Harden thinks that Chris Paul hasn't put in the work and is always injured.

That's kind of what you get with him. And Chris Paul doesn't respect where James Harden is in the league hierarchy. Whatever the fuck that means. I love like that is just that is the most this league thing ever. Like I don't like how other people think James Harden is good. It's so funny what happens in the NBA because these two guys are very, very outstanding basketball players. They're like two of the best basketball players in the last, you know, 30 years of the NBA. You could put them, you know, top 15, top 20 probably, right?

Both of them, Chris Paul, right? Somewhere. I don't know about top 20. Somewhere in that range. Yeah. Somewhere in that range. But these guys are such outstanding athletes and they're so fucking good, but they developed these little like nitpicky things that they have to go at each other by because they're just not good enough to beat the Warriors. Yes.

So now all of a sudden they fucking hate each other because the Warriors have just driven them insane. This is what we've talked about before. Dynasties that lay waste to other franchises. The Golden State Warriors have just laid waste to the Houston Rockets where everything looked like it was going well. They get to seven games last year. Everyone's like, this is the team that can finally beat them. No, they're all hating each other. And now that now Daryl Morey is kind of stuck because Chris Paul does have the worst contract basically in the NBA.

And they don't speak. So that's going to be a tough one. You got to put them in the room together. I just love it because Chris Paul. Like this is what you like you said this. We all saw this coming. James Harden has had things in the past where his teammates now is Dwight Howard. So who knows like Howard also does a thing.

He got traded from Oklahoma City, which everyone says is a terrible trade, but it's also like maybe there was something to it. Chris Paul everywhere he goes, it feels like it was just a clippers, but it feels like teammates don't always love him. And he has drama and then you put them together and then they lose every year to the Warriors and you have exactly this. He's a messy bitch who loves drama. Yeah. So he's like the, he's a sorority girl that's transferred four times. And for some, for whatever reason, he's the one that leaves all the passive aggressive notes around the house. Correct.

He's got a burn book. Some of us put away our dishes after we eat pizza late at night. And notice that last night you didn't and I had to put away your pizza box. He has a burn book with the top 10 players in the NBA and James Harden is not it. Not on them at all. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's, I think we all saw coming in.

It begs the question at this point, I would say that the Rockets are, they're definitely a reverse dynasty. What are the other like big reverse dynasties in sports? Sport. The bills are the other one that comes to mind. Yes. Just Dan Marino. The Braves won that one in the nineties, but they were for a while there. I mean, you could say they should have won more.

Yeah. Dan Marino in itself. Yeah. Dan Marino and Charles Barkley as a tag team duo on their own. The Caps got that one, but. Yeah. They were a very long reverse dynasty. Hank, you ever take a look at all the president's trophy banners we have hanging up?

The reverse dynasty. Tons of them. Yeah. Tons of them. The Pacers with Reggie Miller and Rick Smiths. They were reversed. The Knicks in the nineties, big time reverse dynasty. Duke.

Duke. They haven't won that much since Roy Williams has been the coach at UNC. Not really. No, Roy Williams has won more since he's been at UNC over Coach K. So I don't know what they do. They're kind of fucked because I don't know if you can trade. I think this is also a Chris Paul trying to just get on the Lakers because I don't know if you guys saw, but Carmelo Anthony is back and he's shooting a bunch of three pointers

with no one on him and lightly walking to each spot and draining them over and over. That's the European pre draft workout. Carmelo Anthony is excelling at that. Just muscle memory. Yeah. Just stand there and get get the pass directly in the perfect pocket and then put it up and shoot. Boom.

He's wet. And it was so, I mean, listen, I feel bad just always kind of being mean to Carmelo, but that was a really thirsty thing to do right after, right after Anthony Davis trade gets announced and they're like, how are the Lakers going to fill out this roster? Yeah. Oh, here's Carmelo in his luxury apartment in Manhattan draining threes with no one on the court. He looked like a like Mark Price going to the Y right now, just in like these tiny shorts,

just wet, wet, wet, wet. It is sick, like knowing how good these guys are. The fact that Carmelo, even though everyone's like, oh, he's washed up. He's a bum. And then he just shoots, you know, whatever it was, 29 out of 30, he's probably, he probably shoots 90% from three in practice. That's why I would just, if I were to Carmelo, just go find a run and just dominate and just enjoy your life.

So you're millions and millions and millions of dollars. Somebody said that he would fill out the mid level. What's a mid level? I can't keep track of all this NBA contract shit. Yeah. You have to pay a certain guy, a guy who's been in a league for a certain amount of times. You can't just pay him like $1 or he's mids.

Yeah. He's kind of, but mid five things. So Melo's back, Kyrie Hank, Kyrie has fully ghosted Danny age. What are your thoughts on that has to be expected has to be expected. I just love the visual of Kyrie wherever he may be right now. I assume already in his Williamsburg apartment ready to play for the Brooklyn Nets, getting a phone call from Danny age and being like, nope, screened, Hank, hey, Kyrie, Danny's on the phone again.

What's the difference? Tell him I'm busy. Tell him I'm taking a shit. Hank, what's the difference between ghosting somebody and curving somebody? Ghosting is when you don't answer curving is when you're like, I don't like you. So he should be a man about it and curve him. Yeah. Curve him.

Yeah. Well, he does thing is petty. Kyrie doesn't believe in curves. Fade on site. Flat earth guy. Yeah. Fade him on site. No, no, definitely don't want to fade him on.

Don't fade him on site. Just curve. Okay. Or I mean, come back, Kyrie. What do you want? Wow. That doesn't you sound like you just curved Kyrie right there. That would be the ultimate Kyrie to do this whole song and dance and then come back curving

or ghosting and not curving Danny age and not answering any questions and being like, yeah, actually I'm assigning a five year max with the Celtics. Would be great. Would you? You would love him back? Of course. He would have a what would be more more of an awkward conversation Kyrie sitting down with the entire Celtics roster right now after signing out of nowhere a max deal or

Daryl Morey saying Chris Paul and James Harden. You guys have to sit in this room and figure it out. Chris Paul and James Harden. Okay. Yeah. Both very awkward. Chris Paul, he's got an entering that Kyrie level of weirdness where he's just a strange guy.

Well, he loves LeBron. He wants to be on LeBron's team. They're buddies. So if it was Chris Paul Carmelo, LeBron and Dwayne Wade can come back. Wait, wait, LeBron and then Anthony Davis and then DC Bernie Sanders, Bernie Sanders is what? He's got that sick pump thing. Don't forget about Kyle Kuzma.

That's starting five. Yep. Do you think they could win the West? Because you said you said the West was trashed. You're on record. No, I didn't say the West. No, I didn't say the West. The West is a big stinky pile of garbage trash.

I said if Kawhi stays in Toronto and the Sixers figure out a way to sign Jimmy Butler and Tobias Harris, I would say the East is stronger than the West. That lineup four teams are stronger than the West. Top four teams with Kevin Durant and Clay Thompson out, obviously. So that lineup could not win the West, but they would come close. Bernie Sanders. I don't know if he can give you like 40 minutes. He probably can't.

I don't think so. He probably definitely can't. But I'm saying that pump fake was sick. Yeah, he does. He's got the old man game. So speaking of the Raptors, I I like want in my heart and heart to think that Kawhi's going to stay just because it would be cool to defend the title. But boy, doing a parade, which looked awesome, shout out to Toronto, a lot of people.

And then continually answering questions when people say, like, what does this mean to Toronto? And he was like, well, they it's something they can build on. And like, what does this mean to Toronto? Why don't you ask someone who's lived in Toronto for more than four months doesn't feel like he's staying. He's not really. He hasn't ingratiated himself in what he has because he'll always be known as the guy

that brought them a championship. It doesn't matter. But dry any day. Yeah, that's right. He'll never pay for a LeBat in that town again for the rest of his life. But he's not. Yeah, he's not sticking around. He's gone.

And like, I want him to stay. I think I really do think well, he said maybe one year. Yeah, one and one. He said maybe one year. With the option. And then Kyle Lowry was like, what about five more years? And he was like, ha, ha, although he did. He he he laughed when he that was the way that he like signed off after his speech when

he was like, thank you to Toronto. He was like, I got one more thing to say was like, ha ha ha. So like that to me, that's as close as quite a joke will ever come to dunking on somebody in public. Just a joke with two million people. Yep. It's pretty cool. Ha ha ha.

The parade was cool. Marcus all got sheeshed up, chugged a whole bottle of wine. I don't know if that was wine. If that was Rosé Cisco. No, it looked a little classy. Bum wine. No, I looked a little. Thunderbird.

Maybe Thunderbird. I think it was like a 999 Rosé. That's the the bottle of barefoot that your aunt leaves over at the house in the fridge. Let's see. What's the one? The Australian? Yellowtail. Yellowtail.

Yeah. Probably Yellowtail. That's 1499 bottle of Yellowtail. It's Australian. Art's that weird Spanish white sangria. Yeah. That's just like a bunch of old fruit that somebody leaves in a bottle of vinegar for a day.

And then the last story we have from this league, the Warriors cook themselves. They wrote a newspaper, took out an ad congratulating to the Toronto Raptors. Where do you land on this? On the full page ad. Yeah. Congratulating them. It's a try hard move in my mind. It's very weird.

You're just looking for the points. It's a strange thing to do. Yeah. You're looking for everyone to be like, man, so classy. Yeah. It's like when a journalist retires and a team gives them a golden pen and retires their seat in the press box. It's like a little unnecessary.

That's actually just because there's so many mustard stains and stale farts in the chair. They're like, you can just keep this. Nobody wants to sit there anymore. Yes. Yeah. We don't want to sit in the seat. Yeah.

So this league is in full effect and the draft hasn't even started. So Thursday night draft, then a week and a half later, free agency. Who knows this league is better than the actual basketball being played. Is there any more anticlimactic TV show than the NBA draft? No, because it also the NBA draft is so funny because you basically do like the first six or seven picks and then it's random guys like, oh, I remember that guy from Gonzaga. Yeah. And then it's just a bunch of guys from Europe that you've never heard of working out like

you said in a gym, like crossing up a chair. And you hope that one of those European guys gets big that like, if you're rooting for the Wizards and you're picking at number nine right now, don't pick anybody that you've ever heard of. Bull bull. Either, yeah, either pick a guy like Taco for the novelty of it or you just draft, you just throw a dart at a board of a bunch of European names at the end and hope you get the next dirt out of it.

Right. But yeah, it's like the reverse of watching an actual NBA game is like you only have to tune in for the first five minutes of the NBA draft and then you're good to go. Yeah, but you do get the random guy in the second round who is, I remember it was probably two or three years ago, the guy from India who was seven five and he was drafted by the Mavericks and he couldn't even run, but they showed his highlights and he just, he slowly ran to under the hoop, they would pass to him, dunk, then slowly run back and it was just, that was his whole highlights.

He actually, I remember this specifically because I tweeted in the start of his highlights, it was the warm up and he missed the shot and that was the start of his highlights. So you get those, you get those unintentional comedy moments from the second round of the draft. Not great. Yeah. What? 2015.

2015. Do you remember he missed the shot? Yes. He was like, here he is. It was like seventh grade travel league basketball. He was taking a elbow jumper and he bricked it. That guys I recall was an all time T-shirt guy. T-shirt under the jersey.

Yeah. Look at that big. You have to. There's too much going on. Yeah. There's too much stuff. Taco's got the same thing. No, taco's, taco's a lean mean dunk.

He's got a T-shirt. I'm saying once you, once you get to that size, either you're, you're sloppy, so you have to wear a T-shirt or you're so skinny that you have to wear a T-shirt to make yourself look better like taco. I think sometimes guys like taco have to wear a T-shirt because it actually keeps their jersey on their shoulders. Right. Right.

Just slowly comes down. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So let's do our Mount Rushmore. We got a pack show. Breaking moves. Breaking moves.

Brett Favre just posted on Instagram that he is coming out of retirement and coming back to the NFL. All right. Boy, there's no way this is true. This is a marketing ad. This is some sort of publicity stunt. Yeah. I think he deleted it within the show starting in right now.

If there is a guy though. Yeah. It's Brett Favre. I'm not going to believe it until I see Edward parked at the end of his driveway in the hot Mississippi sun getting bitten by horseflies and puking into his own mustache confirming that Brett Favre is coming back. Who's back of the week? James Bus Cook.

Yeah. Who gets mentioned with Brett Favre's agent. Yeah. The helicopter. Talk to James Bus Cook. The only helicopter in flight in the state of Mississippi is landing at the Favre estate which is just basically a giant front lawn that's always perfectly mowed because Favre is out there on its tractor all day.

Yep. So I would love to see him come back though. I mean, who wouldn't like to see Brett Favre come back? It would be one of those things where if he actually did come back his arm would look good and then he would get sacked in week one and his whole body would fall apart. Yeah. His arm would probably fall off. Yeah.

It's the old dead body. Remember in the game in Minnesota where Wooten ended his career he would look like a sketch out like drawing a chalk outline of Brett Favre when he was just laying there dead on the frozen field in Minnesota. I mean, he's probably more durable than Sam Bradford is at this point. Okay. Take it easy. I'm just saying.

So I would like to see him come back. I would actually make the argument that the rules of the game have changed where Brett Favre would probably be a better quarterback right now. Yeah. Then he was playing. True. Just throw the fuck out of the ball downfield and get past her first. Not my NFL.

That breaking moves was brought to you by Chalkham Luke for real recovery. That tastes real good. Great hang. Thanks Hank. You nailed that. That was awesome. Before we get to our Mount Rushmore. Thanks.

If you want to watch Scott Boris, if you want to watch our extra bonus episodes that we've been throwing out there barstoolgold.com slash PMT, which I would highly recommend that because Scott Boris's office is intimidating looking around. He's just as like plaques and pictures and holograms of all the players that he represents and they're all like the top five. They're right. Even a casual baseball player look around like, Oh, I know all these people, all the awards, everything.

So check it out barstoolgold.com slash PMT and you can see me at some point in the interview. I guarantee you I shuffle around in my chair because I need to take a shit and just know that I don't end up shitting there. Okay. Pinpoint. If you can pinpoint the spot where I want to shit, I will send you $5 PayPal you cash out. You cash out.

I will cash after you $5 if you can spot that point cash up Mount Rushmore. So it is Mount Rushmore season. If you miss Monday show, we hit it off with a bang all time dad moves today. We by the way, if you have an idea for a Mount Rushmore tweet us because we knew we need new ideas. We've done it for is our third summer, fourth summer, fourth summer. So we've done a lot. Yeah.

And we don't want to play the hits, but there'll be some, you know, maybe we'll play someone actually wrote us an idea do the Mount Rushmore serials, but this time don't pick shitty serials, which was very offensive. I was offended by it because our serial draft was great. Yes. So let's do Mount Rushmore of that guy. So you everyone knows that guy, you don't want to be that guy. So it's basically the Mount Rushmore of the guys you don't want to be that guy.

Why don't you start out this time? Okay. Why don't we do we should we should figure out a way to do like interactive odds or even. Well, so Hank, we'll we'll just rotate. So Hank went first last time. So now you go first this time. Okay.

Next time I'll go first. Okay. That's fine. Okay. And we always go. We go clockwise. Yes. Yes.

That guy. Second. Yes. Guys, you don't want to be well, I'll start with an easy one. The well actually guy on Twitter. That guy sucks. Every time there's an argument, well, actually, I got something different. It's basically Revell if Revell didn't have two million followers, he just corrects everyone

at any point in time. If you misspell something, if you have a year wrong, well, actually, and a little bonus for that guy on Twitter. If you also are that guy who is like a Twitter troll. And then when you lose the argument, be like, I'm just a Twitter troll. This is my burner account. I was trolling. Yeah.

So that guy on Twitter basically just lives to correct people and troll. And then when it gets called out, be like, well, dude, this is my burner account. I don't care about this. And critiquing like if you post like a golf swing or a basketball shot and they're like that is so bad. It is disgusting. Now, is this the same species or is it like a distant cousin of the travel guy? The guy that spots a travel.

Oh, well, that's me. I know you do. But I'm saying the people that do that for real. Yeah. No, it's a way that's I think that falls under the well, actually, like just basically looking for anything to pick apart and be like, this is different. This is wrong for this reason. And their lives are miserable.

Bad defense. They're just miserable all the time. Well actually guy, Twitter troll guy who who when he loses says, I'm just trolling. This is my burner account. What you're describing right now is when you get mansplained to. Yeah. Okay. Got it.

Don't like it. Okay. That's my first pick Hank. That guy who takes intramural or coed sports too seriously. Yep. Okay. Yep. That guy.

He usually he is guy who wears batting gloves and softball or baseball pants so he can slide and baseball pants is a big one also just long like soccer socks. Yep. Mouth guard and basketball. Yeah. If you see a guy who has a mouth guard and basketball, he is going to throw his elbows around. The funny is he knows he can defend.

That calls too many fouls and pick up basketball. Oh dude. I actually get I get very I never call foul. I get so mad when someone calls a foul. Never unless it's blatant like they're trying to foul. You know when someone gets a like point, you know, you're playing the end of the game and you're getting to 11 and you're like, well, we're just going to foul any open shot to the rim.

Then you can do it. But otherwise don't do it. That takes away my whole game, which is just drawing charges and then calling offensive fouls on people. Good one. Hank, which is always great. That guy always has like a girlfriend that he brings with him to intermediate sports. And then you can see the relationship starting to end as she witnesses his actions during

like a wreckly game for the first time. He also brings way too much Gatorade and water and they're like, hey, you want a beer? No, dude. Not what we're playing. It's a special mix. Yeah. It's three quarters water, one quarter Gatorade. Yeah.

So you get some of the electrolytes, but it doesn't dry you out. Yes. That guy. Yeah. That guy. Okay. I got two. My first one.

This is an easy one. All-timer. The guy that deboards an airplane incorrectly. Oh, the worst. The guy that doesn't know how to get off a fucking airplane. The simplest thing of all time, you stay in your seat and then a zipper system. But you know what? I actually love watching that guy because they try to get off.

They try to jump the line and they always get maybe two rows ahead and then they awkwardly have to stand there and we all have to be like, you're that guy. Yep. You're that guy, buddy. This is a side note, a little aside, if you will. I was kind of that guy today because I was walking. I was on the way to work on the train in the train station and I dropped my coffee on the ground and I didn't know what to do.

So I just kept walking. I think if it's rush hour, you just got to go. I think that's just like prison rules. Yeah. Yeah. I had my headphones in so I couldn't hear if anyone said anything and I just put my head down and ran downstairs. Yeah.

If it's rush hour. But I felt like I was being that guy. You played as it lies. That's also a New York thing. On the train a couple of weeks ago and there was a guy eating a sandwich and he just dropped it on the seat and just stood up and walked away and no one could sit on the seat. Everybody's been there at some point in their life. So they're like, we get it.

That sucks for you. I have a real problem. Actually, I'd like to take this opportunity to confess something and maybe you guys can help me out because I don't know what it is about me. But I find myself way more frequently than other people. I think running into the situation where you're walking at somebody on a street and you walk to the side and they take the step to the same side. And then I walk back to the other side and I get in that little dance where you're in

no man's life. You don't have a good first step. I don't have a good first step. I don't know what it is. And you got to hit the whole hard. Not in the middle. No. Sometimes here's what I'll do Hank.

I'll put my foot in the ground and I'll be like, I'm going to get downhill like it's own blocking scheme. Like I'm in Mike's Shanahan system and they always like a linebacker tracking me. I don't know what it is. So I don't want to bring height into this. Don't then don't. I won't. Okay.

I don't have this problem because if you are a certain height and weight, you don't have to move for anyone. No, but I'm people move for you. You forget I walk tall. Correct. And I'm thick. But this happens to me, but I will just keep going straight forward and people are like, this guy's not going to be.

It's tough for him to change directions. I will. It's like, it's like a kayak and a cruise ship. The kayak has to get out of the way. Right. There's right of ways. Yeah. But it's not just people that are bigger.

You're a kayak. I'm a cruise. No, I run into this. I run into this. I'm kind of a little bit out of my own circumstance with like a little remote controlled boat. Yeah. We go the same way when you get small enough, you know what, I think it is boats get confused. You know what I think it is.

I think it's just like people want to be around me. They want to be near me. So they're like, I want to know this guy. I see him. Okay. If you have suggestions, please let me know because it's it's been bothering me from the last like year and I haven't said anything. You need to get blinkers on your backpack or blinkers.

I know what I need. I just need a horn. Just like on my chest. All right. You've got another pic. Okay, my other pick is going to be the guy who wears sunglasses inside. Yes. The worst.

That guy. That guy. It's the old quote. There are two kinds of people that wear sunglasses indoors, blind people and people that haven't seen Curb Your Enthusiasm yet. And they are the absolute, they can't see where they're going on a bar, so they trip on things. Yup.

It's like, what are they hiding? Is he making eye contact with me? I don't know. Yup. Unrelated, but counter related. I don't understand how anyone does a championship parade without sunglasses on. Oh yeah, you must. You must have.

Like Marc Gasol didn't have sunglasses on. How do you do that? When you know you're going to be absolutely smashed in public, you need to have your sunglasses. Yes. Yes. It helps a lot. A lot. Especially if you're on alternative drugs.

Right. In a foreign country. Yeah. Helps a lot. No, when we were in Atlanta and we went out to like 4 a.m. and we left the bar and you were a little drunk. I was like, I don't even know you because you didn't have sunglasses on and you were drunk.

I was like, who is this person? He's this guy with the watery red eyes. I'm just taking this random dude home. Uh huh. Okay. It's happened before. Okay. Go ahead.

That guy who makes too much small talk in the office. Oh yeah. Okay. The guy, you know it's coming. Every time you see him, you're like, oh no, is he going to have a small talk conversation and then he does and it's like not once a week, it's like seven days a week. Yup. You dread seeing that person.

Just don't be that person. Yup. Just don't do it. Unless someone talks to you, don't talk to them. Yup. Okay. That's good. That's really good.

Uh, I have mentioned this on other shows. If they're outside your department, I guess I'll say. Yeah. If you don't work with them directly, you shouldn't be striking up conversations with people every single day. Yeah. Because those people probably hate you. Yeah.

I've mentioned this on other shows and actually I think it's going to be mentioned in the Evergreen show when my child arrives. But I'm going to say it here because I hate this guy. It's the over-planning bachelor t-shirt guy. That guy sucks. Yup. Always got like hair. So now we're going to go to mini golf, then we're going to go check out this restaurant,

this food truck. And like, dude, I just want to get drunk and talk to my friends. We don't need t-shirts. We don't need hats. Don't be that guy. I'm planning a bachelor party for next year. Don't be that guy. I'm thinking full track suits.

Matching tracksuits. No. Don't be that guy. He's also, he also is, you can spot that guy before you go to the bachelor party because he's over email con. Yeah. The guy that sets up the listserv. Right.

Yeah. Fuck that guy. Hey, everyone download this fucking app so we can all chat. No. Why don't we just talk on our phones that we have? What's app? We can all just get in a group together or we could just do that with our phones. They set up like a secure drop link.

Yeah. So the wives can't catch us? Yes. That guy. Fuck that guy. Okay. My other, that guy here, my other pick here, I'm going to go with a guy who takes drinking games too seriously and makes girls cry at the party guy.

That guy sucks. He is, he's like the older brother of the guy that tries too hard in Wreckley games. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or actually, I would say the younger brother. It's you. Everyone knows him.

Everyone went to college with this guy. He always is just taking it way too seriously, flip on the best flip. If you hear someone say, I'm the best flip cup guy here. That's that guy right away. You don't even have to watch him play. He'll usually yell it like if you go guys and girls beer pong, he'll yell at his partner until she cries, call it elbows, elbows, won't let, won't let women play that he's all he's everything.

Like a hundred bound shots a game. Yes. Oh, yes. And then swats one of them and like breaks everything in the house. Like, dude, you're not to Kembe Matumbo. Chill out. We're just trying to get drunk in a social setting. Two ladies want to get on the table.

It was like, sorry, we got a tournament going. Yeah. So you're going to have to score like in a beer pong thing after they got after you get a point. Like actually that was too low. Yeah. Yeah. Right.

Soar loser. Right. Too competitive. No, no blowing. You're not allowed to blow. Yeah. Next. Next.

The guy that remembers his stats in beer pong. Yes. His all time stats. Hey, should we start a league? Yeah. We should probably start a league. Let's do a bracket. Let's do a quick bracket.

I'm making a belt out of a Milwaukee's best case. Oh man. Is there beer in that cup? Yeah. Is there even beer in that cup? That guy. That's a drinking game. Oh bro.

Yeah. It's a drink game. Is there even beer in that cup? All right. That guy sucks. That guy who films himself in the gym. Yeah. Or asks you to film them in the gym.

Yes. That guy's the worst. You have to be a bodybuilder for that to be justified. I'm so scared. You're just working on yourself or working on your gains. There's no need to really take your phone out, put it down. It's so weird when you see someone doing it and you're just like, what could you possibly be using this for?

I'm so scared to be in that guy. I don't even really take my phone out at the gym if I'm at a station because I don't want somebody to look at me pointing my phone at them and be like, is this guy taking a picture of me? Right. Yeah. That guy is the worst. Good call, Hank.

Good call, Hank. Okay, my next one is going to be that guy who can't pee in normal places. The guy that makes everybody change their plans because he can't either pee in a pool. He can't pee. I've been with somebody that can't pee in a river as they're floating down it. So we have to pull over to the side on an inner tube and they have to run up and pee in the forest. The guy that poop in an agency.

Yep. Can't pee. I think it's just bathroom. Weird bathroom guy. No, just pee. Just pee. Okay. That's the thing that we're not doing.

If you're golfing. But it should be just all bathroom. Can't pee if you're golfing. That's another guy. And then the road trip pee guy that can't pee in a bottle. Correct. And so you have to pull over. Correct.

That sucks. I'm great at all those things. Except for the poop. No, I can poop anywhere. I've actually, I've received a lot of complaints about how freely I poop before. And so I'm trying to turn a new leaf over here and be a better human being. All right, your last point. My last one is that guy that assassinates the Archduke of Austria that starts World War

1. And that leads to millions and millions and millions of deaths over the course of the next 40 years. It's like, dude, we're just trying to enjoy the parade. Grab a turkey leg. Chill out. Don't you think that guy would have been like something else would have started it besides that guy?

That guy wasn't there. No, that guy did it all. He was everything. And then you have a shitty band named after you 100 years later. True. True. That guy. That guy is the worst.

Hank, your last. That all just went over my head. My last one. World War 1, Hank. I will. Okay. Don't be that guy that blows up the spot. The guy like puts up too many Instagram or Snapchat stories like if you know what I

mean, like if you're with someone, a group of guys, like guys night out, they put up like 35 stories. So it's like, it's not like one thing. It's like, here's an entire documentation of the entire night and like everything that's going on. And then, hey, man, we're just trying to see you just chill on it. And then you get the text the next morning like, oh, you had a fun night. Yeah.

Fucking A. That guy. That's actually. Who knows what you told other people like you're trying to keep your plans to yourself. But it's like, oh, everyone knows exactly what you did because that guy put up like the document of the entire night. That's happened to me before coming into the office on a Sunday and big cats been like, you had a good time last. Yeah.

Yeah. Because how was karaoke? The people with you were that guy. Yeah. Exactly. Well, it's hard when because it's hard to not say something when you see like 25 Instagram stories from someone you're like, well, that must have been an epic night because they, that that guy, I have actually a cousin to that guy, Hank.

That guy who can't hang out unless there's chicks around and always is like, what's the ratio like, yo, are the girls going to be coming? Should we go strip club? Yeah. Like, and then if you go to a bar with, you know, four of your good friends and they're like, this fucking, this night sucks, let's fucking get out of here. This sucks. There's no chicks here.

That guy sucks. Who can't like hang out with just guys for even an hour. They're always trying to fuck. They're also. Cause it's so straight. Yeah. They're also a cousin to. I'm not in contact with men because I'm afraid that I'll just try to fuck them cousin to

that guy who hits on everything and anyone who any like woman who walks by like, oh, look at her. Look at her and like, dude, stop. This is awkward. Don't be that guy. Uh-huh. And when that guy gets a little bit older, then he starts telling a lot of stories like, oh, in my day, man, it would be over if I met that right, right, right.

Anyone that says like, in my day, it would have been on me and her would have been. Fuck. If I was single. Yeah. If I was still single. What do we miss? A lot more than I have. The guy who overuses that guy because that's possible too.

True. Dude, you're being that guy right now. Yeah. It's like, why? Cause it's four o'clock in the morning. I want to go home. Yeah. I don't want to go to a strip club for the six night.

Yeah. You're being that guy. Yeah. That guy. Um, I have, uh, the traveling is a personality guy. The guy who's like, I've been there. I've been there. And he just has been like, he's not actually enjoying any of the travel.

He's just doing it for the gram and for his passport. So that my personality is to travel. Yeah. I've been everywhere. I've been relative to the guy that studied abroad and wants to always remind you about that. Who comes back with an accent. Yep.

But he's like, you do you. You were in fucking Madrid for two months. And the emails that say cheers. Yeah. Uh, nutrition fact guy always, always telling you what you should be, should and shouldn't be eating. Sugar's poison. Don't do that.

Shout out, uh, John Butchegross. He's that guy. He did that to me on Twitter. When I had, when I had. Sugar is poison. ACI. ACI. Bowls.

I mean, say what you want about Butchee, but he's, he's got a bod. He looks great. Butchee definitely is that guy where he walks around and is like, yo, you're going to eat those carbs. No, his, his abs are Gucci grass. They are tight six pack. Uh, what else we got? The guy who gives too many daps or handshakes, so it's like not just becoming or going.

It's like every time they say something to you, it's like, Oh dude, did you see this or like they, they'll tap you up like five or six times. Usually you get that. This guy's also very drunk. Over touching guy. Yes. Yeah. The guy who touches too much when drunk is the worst.

That guy sucks. Fun fact guy. Fun fact guy. I'm often that guy. I find myself in that position. Yeah. You're starting with that. Yeah.

Movie quote guy. Yeah. His only, all his jokes are just movie quotes. That's actually, that's a species of funny guy that thinks he's funnier than he is. Right. This guy that just knows a lot of quotes from movies and his references are timed perfect. Yes. Yes.

Uh, guy, any guy who's too drunk at the party who just ruins the party because he's too drunk. Oh, here's a very specific one. I wonder if you guys have ever dealt with this. The two quick to send like not, it's not porn, but it's gross humor texts guy. Do you know when you like meet someone and maybe no, but it's like, you know, those videos that you'll see where you pull it up and it's, it's just, it looks like a regular video for the first five seconds and then some chick squirting or something.

And they send it. You're like, we're not at that point, man. We're never going to be at that point. Don't send that. The guy who sends porn or weird texts, the guy can't open everywhere around that in the public setting. The guy who's, who's homepage was said to ebombs world. Right.

He still thinks sending meat spin is funny, which it is, which it is, to be fair, it's very funny, but that's the pinnacle of humor. I feel like that guy is starting to grow because it wasn't, he, he didn't exist back in college because we've been out of college for so long, but now in the age of like just so many gifts and videos and weird shit, that guy who sends too much stuff on text message, he sucks. What about the guy that's about four years late to memes? Yeah.

Well, well, no, we're, we're about two and a half years late, but a guy that let's say just figured out how to send gifts over the phone or just figured out how to use emojis and overdoes it to make up for lost time. I like, yeah. Yeah. That guy, that guy does suck. Yeah. For sure.

You got Hank. Anybody? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Let's get shot. Let's get shot guy. Oh, that's so good.

Who's that? The guy who always, yeah. Hey, dude, you guys want to get some shots? I got us some tequila. It's always fucking tequila. Like, dude, we've been drinking for 10 hours. We don't need tequila now. That guy sucks.

The last guy that I had was when everybody's making a big, simple order for food. The guy that slides in with the customization that you know is going to fuck up the entire order. You can spit in. Yeah. If we're like, Hey, we're going to get four cheese pizzas and two pepperonis. Like, can we get one with peppers on it? Yeah.

It's like, well, yeah, that one's not going to come out. Right. Cousin to the, that guy also always ruins the order because he's like, yeah, I want this specialized pizza and no one eats it. And then he eats all the pepperoni. That's somebody that we know very well. You that guy. Okay, let's get a cheese.

No one's going to eat the cheese. No one's going to eat the cheese. Don't do it. Let's get an anchovy. Yeah. And then I'll have it all to myself. All to myself. Isn't that cool?

Okay. That was good. Yeah. That was very good. So, uh, Mount Rushmore, I'm sure we missed a lot. There's going to be a lot of debate. Send us that guy that we missed, uh, that guy at the water cooler who had the over last night.

That guy sucks. Imagine being the guy at the water cooler that isn't making a small talk to everybody. Man. Uh, before we get to hot sea, cool throne, it's summertime. It's hot outside and that means it's a bad, bad day to be at Bud Light. It's time to break out your favorite Hawaiian shirt and stock the coolers with some crisp, refreshing Bud Lights. Not only is it summertime, it's also Mount Rushmore season.

We just did our Mount Rushmore of that guy. Don't be that guy who's not drinking a Bud Light because Bud Light has Bud Light, Bud Light, Lyman Orange, both brewed with real citrus peels and new for this summer, Bud Light, lemon tea brewed with real lemon peels and tea leaves, but it's only here for a limited time. So get it before it's gone. Also a little something for our award-winning listeners, Bud Light is giving you a chance, you and a friend, a chance to win a getaway of a lifetime this summer.

You can win two tickets aboard a VIP cruise to the Bahamas featuring a live performance by Jake Owen and of course plenty of Bud Light for a chance to win simply post your Bud Light Summertime photos using hashtags real enough to get away and hashtag Bud Light Contest on Facebook and Instagram. See budlight.com slash real enough to get away for more details. Okay, hot seat, cool throne, Hank, why don't you start? Sure, my hot seat is people who illegally stream NBA games off Reddit. So Reddit finally shut down the eight.

Even for cable guys. True. I fucking got the package dude, it cost me like 300 bucks, but I got the package. Yeah, hot seat cord cutters. But yeah, they shut down their two major sites that people would stream games off of. So I feel, I mean, suck it, suck it, my cable bills way too much money, but suck it. But even the cable bills, you pay for the full NBA. All of it.

Yeah. And I pay and I do the thing, I'm convinced I'm paying, I'm pretty sure you can just buy like the MLB package on your computer and then use it on your Apple TV. But that would be too easy. So I have the MLB package on my computer, but I also have the cable package on my TV. I have a theory. I'm paying double. I have a theory that the NBA streams on Reddit was like an incubator for NBA memes because

whenever a new NBA meme would pop up on Twitter, people were way too early to just be like all in on it and be like, yes, this is a good meme. Let's advance it. Yes. It felt like there was some prep work and some legwork done beforehand and I'm thinking that's where it was. It was also going to be like when Pablo Escobar died and it was like, you know, there's a lot of crime going on, but there was some order to it because it was all under the

Pablo Escobar umbrella. Yep. This is just going to turn everything to straight chaos. Yeah. Are you using the Ray Lewis? Like now that this league isn't here anymore, there's going to be violence everywhere? No. It's just like now that there's no central place to legally stream games.

It's going to be like, it's going to be a shit show. Everyone's going to be trying to be stomping on their cocaine. Right. Oh, gotcha. Okay. Violence on the streets. Right. Exactly.

That's good. And then my cool throne is Comedy Heroes of My Youth on Netflix. Oh. Adam Sandler has a new movie on Netflix, Murder Mystery, actually funny. With Jennifer Aniston? With Jennifer Aniston. The dude that created Workaholics is the director. Actually pretty funny, which some of his other movies have been a little disappointing,

but he's back. What do you mean? Some of his other Netflix movies, I mean, I'm not going to lie, they were. I was a huge, I mean, not surprisingly, huge Adam Sandler fan, so it's a little disappointing by some of his recent movies, but he's back. Did you own any of his comedy albums? I did not. Those are those before my time.

Yeah, those are really good. What the hell happened to me? Get on a song piece of shit car? Good. I'm glad that Adam's back. I mean, he obviously like, it's funny and like he plays kind of like grownups, grownups is actually funny, but like he's like a dad, it's like dad humor, but it's funny. Also every hit that he has, we're one step closer to boner docs, so I feel like we're

going to be the downswing. You know, he has one good movie, one bad movie, we're the bad movie. So we need him to make good movies to equal us out. And Lonely Island also dropped it's a 30 minute, it's called a visual poem. It's called the unauthorized bash brothers experience. Yeah. Mark McGuire and Seiko actually very funny and like very well done, very well edited. Okay.

So comedy heroes of my youth are back. Nice. Okay. My other cool throne is Ed Sheeran's street cred. So he announced the album and these are some of the features M&M 50 cent a boogie with a hoodie, young thug, Cardi B, Travis Scott with Ed Sheeran. I just I just found out about young thug last weekend. I like him.

Yeah. A lot. No, I did. I did. Finally. Innovator. About little hoodie with a buddy. That guy.

A boogie with the hoodie. A boogie with the hoodie. I like that guy. He's my guy. Yeah. Big young thug fan. Yeah. Speaking of the rocket man song.

That's how I got into it. Banger. Yeah. Well, fuck that sucks for me. Why? Because Cardi B is she just lost street cred. I think by hanging out with Ed Sheeran. No, but that.

No. No. No. Did you hear the list of people that Ed Sheeran has on that? He had a urinal. I peed next to him one time and he wasn't able to urinate next to me. He's that guy. He's that guy.

So you guys did that. Like a bonding moment? No. I'm just saying I dominated him at the urinal and now Cardi B is lowering herself to hook up and be featured with somebody that can't even pee next to Daddy Big Dick over here. PFT had to shake it off for Ed Sheeran. I did. I actually I probably got some spray on him when I was shaking it because he was just

staying there quivering his little tiny elf boots. Are you saying he's got a small pee? I didn't look. I didn't pee. But I mean just by taking a look at it, bro, a gander at the guy is like five, four, looks like a Muppet. Muppets don't have penises. We're height shaming.

Yeah. What do you got PFT? My hot seat is Steven Seagal because Facebook just came out with their own cryptocurrency. Dude. It's called Libra. I'm not worried. So Mark Zuckerberg. He only eats what he kills.

That's alpha as fuck. Steven Seagal has never done that. Listen, what was he even called Bitcoin 2 Gen? I think I think we've moved on to it. I think we're on to three Gems. So we're fine. But you're not touching Libra, though. No.

Well, yeah, because Steven Seagal will put out a new Bitcoin that's not a pyramid scheme, even though there was a pyramid in the docks that I went through when I was trying to invest. He'll figure out a way to come over the top. So he'll put out. So Steven Seagal, he knows what works for him. He puts out sequels to his crypto currencies. Correct. We're getting the trilogy soon.

So this is like the, what is it, the under siege three of crypto currencies. Well, Facebook has one coming out and Mark Zuckerberg said that he is creating Calibra, which is a subsidiary that will oversee Facebook's interest in their digital wallet and cryptocurrency. So wait, let me get this right. The guy who just stole like the world's privacy and helped rig elections is now going to control our money. Yeah. He's just going to own the world.

I trust him. Yeah, I trust him. So it's at this point that I'm going to start bootlicking this shit out of Mark Zuckerberg because he's like it or not, he's going to run the world. So you might as well get on his side early. So Mark Zuckerberg, you're so cool. You eat what you kill and you smoke meats and you don't have emotions. I love you.

Okay. What else you got? Um, my other hot seat is Matthew Barry. Okay. Fancy football ESPN Matthew Barry because OJ Simpson is now giving out his fantasy picks going into next year. So he's still on OJ Simpson. He has.

Well, no, I'm not because I thought about what you said about like the cottage industry of OJ. It's going to, it's happening. It is happening. I want to look at us as like the internet is our territory and we have to defend it from OJ. Right. So like, I'm not doing it for the clout.

I'm just Mark. I'm just letting OJ know. You're very confused. Listen, OJ, if I step on a football field with you, you're probably going to light me up. If you step on my football field, right? The internet, the worldwide, you're going to get replied to, you're going to get replied to.

Motherfucker. And you're going to see those, you're going to see those likes from somebody else's tweet got it taken up in your interactions column. No way he looks at his mentions has notifications. So yeah, he's given up fancy advice. He has Patrick Mahomes going first, but maybe not because he also surprise, surprise likes Tyree Kill. Oh, okay.

Big shock there. My cool throne is Julie Ertz's husband's wife, Julie Ertz, because the internet got very mad at, I think it was CBS Sports for saying that Zach Ertz was taking time away from training camp to watch his wife play in the women's world cup and she scored a goal on Sunday. Because Julie, you should just call her Julie Ertz, but I'm going one step further and I will only be referring to her as Julie Ertz's husband's wife, Julie Ertz. Got it. Okay.

So, and then the Philadelphia Eagles tweeted out today that Julie Ertz's husband is here for training camp. Nice. Playing into it. So we're getting, we're leaning in. Nice. I like that. Plus, as a collective unit, because there was a story that was written, I think it was

by Quartz. What the fuck is Quartz? That sounds fake. That sounds very fake. But anyway, the story is titled, Social Media Deserves Blame for Kevin Durant's Injury. So essentially the story is that we all, on our alpha maleness, basically called Kevin Durant soft and made him come back and he used a couple tweets, which were kind of funny. Some random guy said, Hey, Katie Trey.

I love when they use tweets in articles to prove their point and no one has retweeted it or liked it. It's got like two likes. It's just some random dude. He said, Hey, Katie Trey, you want to suck it up and get another ring? Thanks bud. And then some DC champs GC said, toughen up. This is the NBA finals.

Not one interaction. DC champs DG though. I feel like that was the one that made him play. Oh, he hashtagged Wimp though. Oh, yeah. He's probably cruising. That's brutal. That's brutal.

Yeah. So we are somewhat to blame for that because I guess we had bullied Kevin Durant into coming back and playing injured. It had nothing to do with the fact that he's a competitor and wanted to play with his teammates and wanted to win an NBA finals. No, it was TG champ DG. It was all us. And then my cool throne is LeBron's hair.

Brown's hair is back. Do you see that? He's got full head of hair now faked it, but he's back and you know what? I'm happy for LeBron because he, there's a certain level of wealth, fame that if you can't figure out your hair, no one else has a shot in life. So LeBron is the perfect case where I don't like LeBron. I'm not a LeBron fan, but I don't want to see LeBron go bald because I'm watching it saying if God forbid someday I'm going bald, you have to know that baldness has been cured

by some level of wealth. Right. So Steve Jobs, you know, even terminal illness affects him. Well, actually that's a bad example. But it's yeah, it's your brain where you're like LeBron, you have so much money. How do you not have hair? This is what the whole reason why people like aspire to have wealth is so that they don't go bald.

They don't get all these things they can fix with money and you can't fix it with money. It's a bummer. I mean, another one. Brett Tharve. Yeah. He's got, you know, all the passing records, even the bad ones, and he still has a tiny little dick. Yes.

So there's hope for everyone sucks. My other cool throne was dad bod because they did that fucking story they do every year where they're like dad bod is back. I'm so sick of that story. Dad bod's been back. Dad bod is such a lie because they're like, Oh, girls love the dad bod. No, you don't. You love the like Jason Siegel in forgetting Sarah Marshall, the the the guy who's an artist

who's a genius who's really funny and he's got a little bit of a tum tum and you love that dad bod. Guess what? The real dad bod. The reason why I'm fat is because I'm lazy and I'm usually moody because I'm lazy and I'm hungry and when I eat too much, I fart too much. You don't love that dad bod. That's the reality.

I think that that guys in general probably look better to women if they're wearing the more clothes they are. So like if you're wearing a suit, girls love looking at a guy in a suit, a man in uniform. Maybe 1% of the male population looks good shirtless. Don't let them. I think I'm being generous with that. So it's not like I don't think it's that women hate a good looking guy with a shirt off with a buchi grass six pack.

I think it's mostly that they just realize the fact that most dudes that they'll be looking at shirtless. Yes. Aren't going to look like that. So take what you can. Dad bod like lie that has been thrown out there. It's bullshit. You love, you know, Seth Rogan because he's so funny and he gets high and he makes funny

movies. That's not what every other day. Every other dad bod. We're dad bods because we're lazy and we're grumpy and we suck. We suck at everything and we have the same pairs of shoes and two pairs. Do you think the dad bods of the world are like sitting around their house just cracking jokes all the time? That's not the reality.

That's not true at all. No. It's just basically conversations in between diarrhea. That's the dad bod. That's life. Yeah. Once you get over the age of 40. Okay.

Let's get to our interview with Scott Boris. Huge interview. Very interesting. A little different than our normal interviews because Scott is a little more serious, but very, very interesting to get, you know, kind of in the mind of someone who's so damn successful before we do that. Simply safe. A recent Gallup survey shows Americans worry more about burglary than almost any other crime

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You've got to do it. Simply safe.com slash PMT, simply safe.com slash PMT. Okay, here he is, Scott Boris. Okay, we now welcome on a very, very special guest, super agent, top agent six years in a row, Scott Boris. Let's start with the hard question first. Are you the bad guy? Well, for the player, I'm the protector.

Yes. And your job as a lawyer for anyone is to make sure that you're a fiduciary for them and their interests are certainly understood by them, first of all, and then they direct you to act for them, and then you just carry out what they would like you to do. So I also should have said beforehand that we are master negotiators ourselves. We just have been reading the art of the deal, so be ready. We're going to probably negotiate during this conversation. We're probably going to figure out a way to maybe get some money out of this, but you

be ready. You've never met two guys like us. Fair? Fair. Are you a little bit intimidated by us? I feel an air of consequence. No, I just burped. That's probably what it is.

An air of consequence. I like that. Let's unpack that a little bit. Yes. So you don't do a lot of interviews, do you? Not many, no. So why are you sitting down with two jerks like us? Well, certainly the prominence of your broad base has necessity.

Okay. There we go. It's a message. It's a new message. Yes. It's a broad message. It's a current message, and it's a message that my clients felt I needed to participate in.

Yeah, absolutely. So I want to start at the beginning, because like I said, you don't do a ton of interviews. Your beginning was very fascinating, because you played baseball, you were in the minor leagues, and you started by basically representing a couple of your teammates, right, and basically knocked it out of the park for them. What was that beginning, you know, trying to figure out what you wanted to do, and that light bulb like, hey, I'm really good at this? Well, I studied medicine, and I had a law degree, and so I worked for a medical law company

that represented drug corporations, so I had no intentions of ever getting into the baseball industry. It's just that my teammates kept calling me about their performance, and because we would have conversations when I played with them that would aid them and comfort them and help them, and they wanted to continue that, and through that process, my hometown friend named Mike Fishelum, and my teammate Bill Caudill, and Keith Hernandez, all the players that I knew from the Cardinal Organizations, they kept communicating with me and basically encouraged me that you should really represent us, because the people we have don't understand the game

at this level, they never played, and they don't, you know, they say things like, oh, get them tomorrow, and you know, you get them next time, and doing the common vernacular that nice people say to players who don't play the game, rather than approaching them and giving them something that I think they truly believe, because most athletes, most things they hear, they're not going to believe them because it's not a truth to them, you have to make it their truth, and when you deal with them and understand them and you've got to know how to talk about the game in a way that a player knows you know the inside, and from that became the idea that all of a sudden, I also looked at the draft, and

I noticed that players that I had played with, they came in, they were extremely gifted, yet they got the same bonus that the players got 20 years before, yet the revenues of the game were 8 to 10 times more, so obviously the draft picks were worth more, and of more value to the franchises, yet they kept the bonuses, and the common theme was you get what the guy got last year, and if you don't accept it, you're greedy, you are something that you don't want to be labeled, so you better take this because we're not going to offer anything different, so it basically turned into a servitude, and I really felt that was not good for the game because I thought we're going to lose the great athletes to

other sports, so we had to become more current, and there was no method of representation for the drafted player, and so I went out and watched about 20 players play and picked two players, and they happened to be the first and second player chosen in the draft, Tim Belcher and Kurt Stillwell, and then we began from there to increase the bonuses, and then we ended up getting the first 500,000, 2,000,000, 5,000,000, 10,000,000, 15,000,000 bonuses. So you mentioned the draft, I want to go back to that because the draft is something you've basically been fighting since day one, up until like two days ago when the Carter Stewart stuff comes out that he's going to go maybe play in Japan, so the thing that always interests

me with the professional sports drafts is we've gotten to a point, I think a lot of people are very player first and say, hey, the players deserve money, the players deserve money, but the draft still exists, and you have guys like in the NBA where Zion Williamson doesn't get to decide where he goes. What is it like, you're fighting with the draft, you've changed rules, you keep going after it, what is the perfect situation, the end goal for Scott Boris when it comes to how players go from amateurs to professional? You know, when you sign a pro baseball contract and your mother and father are there and they're giving you money to go play, it is the thing. Right. It's like this is the closest to heaven

this is the closest to heaven it could be, that you get to go play and people are paying you to do this because you love to play, and then all of a sudden you get to spring training, and that day comes where you have to go look at a board and you look for your name to make sure you made a roster, and then you go to the parking lot and you see 50 people crying, rusted out cars, number one draft picks, no education, didn't go to college, signed out of high school. You see this undercard that is, and my first thought is this cannot happen in our game, our game is glorious, it is wonderful, it is the spine of entertainment for our country, it is so beautiful, there should not be this ugliness, yet we all know

there's only so much room at the top for the best. We know this process has to take place, the thing we want is the detriment, the fact that people in the game ends up hurting people, it's not that they can't continue that's the problem, it's that their lives are affected, they didn't go to college, they didn't get an education, they didn't get a scholarship, so my belief is I want the game to operate in its form, but I want it to operate to where the risk of the game is not on the athlete that it would cost him his future, is that he doesn't get the rewards of the big leagues and all the, because he doesn't deserve it because it proved out that his talent was not of that measure, fine, but the reality

of it is we don't want him having a lesser life because he took that risk in baseball, so the college scholarship plan, they warrant it to be the scholarship, no, scholarships are taxable, you know, the end of the baseball because it's revenue, but when you get a scholarship from a university it's not, so they don't give you more, they don't take care of that problem, so how many athletes use the college scholarship program and the answer is a small number, and so therefore it's not beneficial to them, so what do they do? They have wives, they have kids, they've been playing in the Meyer leagues for six, seven years, and by the way, this is the 98 percentile, this is the problem that you have this, and then you

have those, the other, that's one problem with the draft that I have, the other major problem is that we have elite talents, there are a few players in a decade, probably not many, maybe 20, 25, 30 of those players that are worth millions of dollars to a franchise, maybe as much as 50 to 100 million dollars on inception, you know, because Bryce Harper signs with the Washington Nationals they're worth 500 million dollars, he leaves there six years later, you know, after playing a year or two in the minor leagues and that franchise is worth over two billion, is it all, yeah, is it all Bryce Harper, and so there we are, no, but that franchise player had a lot to do with other players coming,

free agents coming, it had a lot to do with other players signing, and so you get worth, you get shares, or you get all these guys to come in, and then they do win their division a number of times, so we converted a losing franchise into a winning franchise, a successful one to increase the franchise value and increase the attendance from 1.8 million to 2.7 in the process, so they're making money, they're doing this, and the fact is, what are they paying the player? They're paying the player under a system that has no methodology of reward to the benefit, and my point is, we should have a system whereby scouts are very good at their job, they're very, very good, they know what players are worth, you know,

every time we've got asked for more than 5 million for a player, it's always worked out, why? Because we know talent too, and we don't go around asking for money for players that don't deserve it, and so you have this very nice filter that allows teams to be treated fairly when you have an open corridor for that happen, so what happens when we sign Bryce Harper, and we sign Steven Strasberg to record contracts, was they were both very worth it, they then institute a draft cap, and then when they put that cap in, what did it do for the game? It had a horrible impact, because what it created is draft values went way up for the teams, because they now get draft picks that are way undervalued, and

then teams say, wait a minute, I don't want to be competitive at the big league level, because I want these draft picks, so one third of the league says, why win 80 games when I want to really only win 65 and get top picks? Because I'm not going to win the division winning 80 games, so I have no reason to compete, so therefore the product of the game is no longer pride, accentuation to the next level, being a winning franchise, having a general manager be responsible with that, because now the general managers get to say, look, we want to lose, we don't want to sign veteran free agents, so the entry level draft dynamic, which I recognize as being a pivotal point, and frankly we built the business on

it, because we were the first ones to ever represent draft players, and create a caveat where they don't have a union, they don't have representation, because they're minor league players, we created a representation model for them that actually turned out to be one of the most coveted rights on entry that a major league team has. It's interesting, because you kind of suggested without suggesting that a player's value should be tied in some form of his contract to the value of the franchise as a whole, like you have a guy like Bryce Harper, I think you hit that spot on, I'm a Nats fan, that's why Big Cat was giving me a bunch of crap about them losing, thanks for not telling him to

go back to the Nats, by the way, I appreciate that, but you have a guy like that who you could prove, yes, he added a ton of value to the franchise by being there, by playing in Washington D.C. Do you see a world in the future where there's some sort of incentive, whether it's percentage of revenue, probably not revenue, percentage of growth of profit or what have you for these franchises to be tied in to the player's contract? I don't think you're ever going to see a bridge between an ownership, capitalized purchase versus an athlete's performance adding to the entity, in other words, when you go to buy gas, you're not going to give somebody part of your car, that I understand.

That was bad negotiating your part, you should have said yes in the future, that way the thought's out there in the back of their head, you just gave that up. The reason is you don't want things like that in the player's contract because the reality of it is the operators of the business dictate how that franchise may rise or drop in value and most of the operators aren't going to be in this business very long because they're not competent over time because the good owners will defeat the bad and if the majority of the players are with bad ownerships, they will in fact get less than they would have had otherwise by asking for a valuation system that's completely different.

So that's why, I would not want to take that risk of ownership operation because we want the player to be paid for his talent, there's no risk to his talent other than injury and his evaluation, you want that to be the valuation point and if you know that then you don't want to take on the risk of ownership quality to dilute the value of player talent. I think you're smart by you because when PFT just explained that I was like in, there's upside, unlimited upside, I'm in, I'm always the unlimited upside guy, you're thinking a little bit farther ahead there, so. I've had time to think about it, smart by you, smart by you.

So I want to tell you, you just brought up Bryce Harper, you got blamed a little bit for throwing out three years ago Bryce Harper $400 million and then having the negotiations last all the way into February where it's like is Bryce Harper going to sign, is he going to sign? Do you think that was a fair criticism that you anchored the negotiation to such a high level that it lasted for so much longer than it should have? Well the first of all is that we never ever put a value on a player in advance of a market. But maybe a little, like the media does.

The media is in the abyss of what we do and they do that stuff. They're saying, well Bryce Harper is worth this. And the reality of it is we know that free agency is a timing mechanism. When you're sitting there and you say I have a big engine, the reality of it is that engine, a lot can happen to it before you get to the race. And so when the race begins is what you have to look at. And so when you go in and talk about these markets and timing, your expectancy of when a player signs is based upon tradition.

It is not based upon the currency of how teams work today. And what they've done is they spent millions of dollars internally on these analytic staffs. They have to show value. How do they show value? The last thing an owner wants to hear here is we have a hole, we don't have a young player, we can't make a trade, so we have to go to what market? Free agency. Because free agency is the highest and most costly acquisition of talent model of the

three draft trade free agency. So the analytic staff comes into an owner and says hire me, hire my staff. We're going to come in and show you this unique valuation system that allows you never to have to play in the high free agent market. And you'll play in the trade market because we're going to be able to determine through our analytic methodology that we know more about their player than they do. And we know more about our player's valuation than they do. Therefore, when we make a trade, we're going to get a higher valuation for the player we're

giving versus the player we're receiving. All of these things take place. So when I've got that operation in place, where's the first place I'm going once the season ends? The draft has already been had, so now where's the next place I go? The trade market. And the trade market is where they're at. They want to participate in that.

And if they can't get what they want done in the trade market after 60 to 90 days, then in February, they're now coming to the free agent market. As you say, we're sitting here, we're supplicants to the process of the major league owners who employ the players. We cannot determine when they choose to employ or seek an athlete. It used to be that we had immediately when the season ended that they would come and say we want these free agents. Yeah, it happened right away and I feel like that was good for baseball that it was almost

instant because now it really is, it feels like a process that gets drawn out and people lose interest in the whole hot stove thing is no longer, and it doesn't exist. The owner is sitting in his chair. You bring up this point. It's good for the game for us to move quickly. The analytic people are saying, wait a minute, you're paying me millions of dollars to walk through the trade market. You won't need a free agent.

Why spend millions when I can get this done for you in trade and get you the equivalent of what a free agent could? Don't you want to see that happen? You go, I'm not really interested in what the people think about the hot stove or whatever. I want to go in in my particular franchise, listen to the analytic people and see whether or not. Now, they're determining, they're now determining that this valuation system has a bit of a fraud to it, that it's not exactly quite real because we have all these evaluations

that they're making that are turning out to be probably about a 40% success rate to them, which frankly, in just general scouting, the success rate may have been 60%. So all of a sudden there's being an equilibrium being defined as to whether the old way or the new way or there's some compilation between the two that may work to optimize how we position the off season and what we do. When you're making an argument for a player over the course of the last 20 years, I have to assume that the data that you're presenting has changed. Is that because a lot of the front offices are adapting more and more to advanced, we're

SaberMetrics guys. So is that because they're adapting? I can see that you're SaberMetrics guys. Not stats guys, SaberMetrics. You come with your staff to the doctor to get you. Your data snorkel though. Oh yeah. I see it.

This is my binder. I got it in there. Yeah, I got it. I got my binder buddy. But have you found that the data that you've presented to the teams has forced them, like they look at what you have and what you're evaluating with and then they change their own methods? Or was it kind of a thing where you saw more and more front offices were doing, I hate

to say money ball, but that sort of thing. And you change what you put in front of them because of what you thought they wanted to see. The first rule of negotiation is always speak their language, eat their food, honor it, respect it, and really acknowledge their work. First rule. Listen. You did that to us.

Congratulations on where you guys have gotten. That was a smart play. You did that to us. Damn. I think it's pretty amazing where you guys have gotten. No, you're doing it again. Stop. Stop.

Stop. You literally walked in before we started. There are a lot. I have 24 people with microphones in the garbage bin over there who just didn't get in here. They're waiting. I thought rule number one was just show up and play golf with them. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Good point. Break their hand. Yes. Never athletically put yourself in a position with someone who's never been an athlete. Oh, yeah. You want to show them up. That's smart. That's nice.

That was flexed by you. Like you don't want to go and absolutely dominate someone. Wait, were you saying that because we're clearly not athletes? We could tune it up and play catch. I'm sure you guys would do well. You know, let's, you know, I got the glove and the balls. We'll go. I got torn labrums.

Sweet. So what's in the binders? It depends on the player. It depends on the time and it depends on the purpose. Is there any like fun facts like this guy likes cats or dogs or he is a big Thai food guy? Yeah. There are, there are things, for example, that we would go in and say that, you know,

when Bryce Harper came to DC, we certainly said that they need to model the entire Secret Service look after Bryce Harper. The Manolinix. Do you believe in Manolinix? Oh man. I'm telling you. Yeah. That's real.

That's the stuff you can't scout. You can't. The makeup of a guy, the moxie. That's it. The clash. It is all about the tone. Do you have that in your binder? Like a, this is the type of guy he is that doesn't show up on the stat sheets.

Absolutely. Because you know what? It's, it's, it's what's going on without anyone ever playing the game. Yeah. Before they get there, what's going on? They feel it. They feel the pressure of it. Right.

They know that there is a problem. They know that they're going to have to do something more because they're facing something that they don't normally face. They're facing power. They're facing someone that can, you can actually jam him, break a bat, and he'll still add it out of the ballpark. Yeah. And that'll cost you three runs.

Yes. And it's in the first inning too. And so consequently, when you go there, you have that perception. You're walking him and now you're going to lead the league in walks. And you know what? Without even swinging the bat, he's on base like 130 times without even getting a hit. Yeah. Wow.

That's power. That's power. That's the power. That's different. That's power. Page one of David Eckstein's. Sprints to first base after a walk. Yeah.

Would you ever do something like that? Yeah. How do you, yeah. How would you quantify grit in one of your binders? Grit is a personal thing, but the first thing it has to be you. It can't be manufactured. If you're out there trying, you're trying to make everybody look bad because you know, when you're trying to do something that's not natural, but if it is you, Pete Rose was

Pete Rose. He'd had his style, but if you had another player who was not Pete Rose, try to adopt that style, be forced. So you always have to determine within the athlete. There are those athletes. I represented an athlete like Garrett Anderson. Garrett Anderson was cool. He was smooth.

I mean, he was, he was a man on ice when he was in the outfield and everybody says, why don't you run harder? And he goes, because I run faster looking slower. And the idea of it is you've got to be able to prove that, document it. And then all of a sudden when they understand that they're going, he's the fastest. He's the coolest. And because you see that's a unique skill because now there's less stress on his joints, tendons, ligaments.

He has a gate. He keeps it. And yet it is as good or better as those who try to do something faster. So he's more durable and he'll probably end up with 2,700 hits, which only less than, you know, 20 people have ever done. Yeah. I like how far in advance you're looking in every one of these scenarios. You're like, yeah, 10 years down the line, he's not going to be on the DL in late August

when your team is 10 games behind and you need to go on a miracle stretch run. Like you're thinking that far in advance and you're making me feel emotional about my non-existent franchise and their success 10 years in the future. I imagine that's power. Remember, sport franchises are always thought of in the moment, but greatness is always over a term. Write that down. What do you do for a player who gets a huge contract and then doesn't live up to the

contract? The thing that always fascinates me is when you have a big contract, you're mostly paying for what happened, not always the future. And all these long-term contracts, like you see it all the time in the Major League Baseball, a guy signs a seven-year contract and everyone's like, well, years five, six, and seven probably won't be great, but it's worth it. So what do you tell your guy if he isn't living up to it and he feels that pressure of everyone saying, well, you're getting paid so much, you're not producing?

I think you tell them the truth is that long-term contracts are portals for the true value of the player in the short term being a deferment portal for those values that you didn't pay up front in the future years. For example, a player is worth $80 million a year. You have the luxury tax. You have all these things. You have a current annual payroll budget. You don't want to pay him $80 million up front.

So what you do, and he's worth $80 million over four years, are am I going to pay him, that's right, over that 320 million, I'm going to pay him $32 million over 10. And then we have the public complaining that the last four years he didn't earn the 32 when they forgot that he was worth 80 of the first four. And my point is, when I hear this all the time, I was listening this morning about Joey Votto. He's a tremendous player. Oh, we can't be paying him that money.

That is a deferment portal. We'll take the money at 80 million up front, the true value, because that's really what those players are worth when they're providing such a dominant performance that is way above major league standard that means so much economically to a franchise. And so all of a sudden, when they're paying him basically the deferred amount, the fact the matter is everyone looks at that and says he's not worth that money, but they forgot that he was worth double before, so there's your answer. So has any player ever been like, hey, Scott, I really don't want to get hammered by the

media. Can you maybe just give me a little less? No, what I do is I front load the contract. So I put more up front as much as we can, and then we put minimal in the back load. So you may have a guy making 40 million for the first three or four years, and then he may make 15 million in the last two or three, and the average annual value on the contract is 30. Right.

I mean, I would imagine that's partly because of the media and the narrative, because like you said, it makes sense how it all works out long term, but when you get to the end of the contract and people are hammering on a guy, it can't be helpful. Like Albert Pujols, what an extraordinary gift, the numbers he puts up, and he has historic numbers. And all I hear about is that Albert, I'm going, no, you have to understand the science what was done, and that it's just a deferment portal. It's not really what he's being paid for that, because that was anticipated.

It always is. What about teams like the nationals that say, okay, we'll pay Bryce a lot of money, but it's going to be 15, 20 years. What if a team was like 25, 30 years from now, they'll still be getting paid? I promise you we're good for it. How much of that do you take to the bank, and how much are you like? Money right now is a lot better. Well, we're into three initials.

We have our three initials, NPV, and that present value. So when we took and we get a deferral contract, we put the NPV value, which is based on the complete sum of price index, and you say, this is what this contract is truly worth. You can say it has this grand value, but this is what it's worth using this calculation. Or if you get another one that doesn't have deferral in it, and you say, this is worth this calculation, then you know the truth about what the difference is, whether they're actually just deferring money, or they're actually trying to reduce the value of the player artificially by giving a big number that doesn't really represent his true value

today. I had a question about arbitration. Arbitration is like, it gets very ugly, teams try to diminish the value of a player. Do you let your players sit in the arbitration meetings ever? Players definitely sit in it. They're tapping me on the knee while it's going on, because they hear things. Because they bash them, right? I mean, not bash them, but their role is to diminish the value they want to pay.

They said a few things about Garrett, and he grabbed my kneecap. I kept riding. I kept riding. Yeah, what's the meanest thing? You don't have to name names or anything. What's the meanest thing that a club has said about a player? How nasty do they get, or have to get? Well, sometimes the clubs themselves are, frankly, these are their employees.

So they really are there and do a very professional job, I think, because they know the player is going to be in their locker room. He has to come in the locker room, man. And they give more of a less of an advocacy tone to it. But the commissioner's office brings in their lawyer, and he's the one that does the rebuttal. And he doesn't really care about the player. And so they say a lot of things and put a lot of tones on the things that I find unnecessary. I don't particularly like it.

And my job is to make sure that those processes remain professional. And I don't mind what they talk about performance, but when they come in and put tones on things that relate to anything about the player personally. He's got bad taste in music. He ruins the clubhouse vibe. The guy who is, we had one time say the player was a quitter, you know, and he went Q on me. Okay, he went Q on you.

Yeah. And our retort was rather simple is that, you know, that you sitting here going, if you think that's quitting, then I must admit to you that 99% of the league quits and don't they wish they could quit at that level because I'm telling you, if that's quitting, that's winning. Yeah. That's how you win with those guys. You can respond with data for that.

I would have just said, fuck you. Yeah. That's what I would have said. We should be part of the arbitration. The goal of advocacy is to be like players. You got you, you, you've got to know how to get your talent on the field without emotion. Yeah. But do you need a couple pit bulls?

Yeah. No, I'm saying we should be on the league side because we can get very personal in our attacks of professional athletes. Oh, that's a good point. Yeah. Yeah. We would probably do a really good job at that. Yeah.

It's too much pintar. Yeah. You know, someone's gets, remember, that's an opinion. Yeah. And when the minute you give an opinion to a judge that's unsupported by fact, they know you're being emotional and unprofessional rather than being an advocate. What if you say the opinion so confidently that it becomes fact? Well, the reality of it is your statement of how you present something, there has to

be a foundation for your roof. And if you believe your roof looks very pretty, but you don't have the foundation, it'll come right back on you because they're always looking for the foundation. A trained judge always looks for the foundation, so he understands it's not emotional. It is absolutely supported by fact. Bryce Harper's a pretty boy. That's a fact. It is a fact.

That's why every Secret Service man should look like him. See, I'm telling you, we should look into being part of the RB, you don't want to see us across the cast. Chris Bryant's eyes are too light. Yeah, they actually were. Yeah, people get lost in them too much. It's very distracting. It's a fact.

I'll state it as a fact. It is of my understanding that Chris Bryant's eyes are too good looking to be a good baseball player. Confirmed. Very well stated. You're honored. Confirmed, right? That's pretty good.

That was a good tone. I liked it. Just saying, it is my understanding before anything, and it sounds way professional. Go ahead and feel free to take that one for me. Yeah. 5%. 5% cut. And truth, however, remember that those deep eyes mesmerize pitchers where they get lost

in the look, and they lose the location. Okay, all right. That's a good point. I'm gonna need some big L things. That's a big L thing. It's gonna be talk about that. Loss in the look and lose the location. Yeah.

You seem like a guy that's still, that's very competitive. And I'm wondering if you have more fun negotiating deals with general managers that you don't like, or general managers that you have a good relationship with? The best negotiations are the people that are most prepared, because in a negotiation you're not there to win anything, you're there to understand something, because all you want to do is go to your client and say the basis of fairness of your evaluation is the following. And you know what, we thought of 98%, we got some really good facts that think help us. What do you think of these facts?

We think that they're relevant and they're accurate, and therefore in our demand we should adjust it. Or in some instances we learn things about what they find most important, and in some instances we go back and say we should increase this because what they find most important you deliver at higher rates than anyone else in the game. So there's always this equilibrium when you go in and say you're not here to be anything other than a great listener and you hope to come out with an understanding, you're not here to win, you want to win put on a uniform, play the game, because you can beat

the game, but when you negotiate you want to come out with a quality understanding for both sides. That's interesting, you just said that, so you have gone to negotiations with teams and they have presented facts and you've said, light bulb, you actually should pay us more. That's great. And I've gone into negotiations and say we should reduce our demand, is really. When you say, oh that's a good point I hadn't thought about that. I don't think you make quite the admission.

I forgot to do that page. You go back to your client and you study it to make sure that it's factual. You look at it and then you go back and you talk to your client about it and say in our demand we should lower it, they've raised it for these reasons, we should lower ours for these reasons, and then the player gives you the consent to go forward in the negotiation as he feels. How much do you use exit velocity? So I think it's bullshit.

I think stat cast is totally made up. Well remember that exit velocity represents something that is usually a, it has no relationship to an effect, it has to do with the swing velocity and such, but it has no relationship to where the ball goes. Right. It has no relationship to whether or not that's effective. If I have an exit velocity of 104 and all I do is hit pop-ups, uh-oh. Those are hard pop-ups though.

Yeah. Good outs. Good looking outs. So the reality of it is there is another component that goes with exit velocity and that is the result from the exit velocity. Okay. So you agree with me? Yes.

It's total bullshit. Total bullshit. You want... Not total. Yeah, not total. Incomplete. Yeah. You want eight wildcard teams?

Well my feeling is we have to make the game more competitive and we have to bring the fans into the game. We already know on Inception that there are going to be, almost in any league, you know that there are going to be four teams in each division that are definitely going to be well above the bottom, probably six or seven teams. So of those, when you look at 15 teams in each division, four are going to be, four or five are going to be well above and then you're going to have five or six that are going to be well below.

So you have this equilibrium of right around four teams that could or couldn't be in. My idea is that we go in and create a round, we love, we're going to create a baseball March Madness so that you have the bottom three teams. So you have five, six and seven. So seven, if you have the seventh best record in your 15 team division of the National League say, then you play six, one game. Then the winner of that will play team five. Then the winner of that will play team four and then you get into the divisional playoffs.

So you're going to have three days of sudden death major league baseball playoffs and all those fans are sitting there for a month determining are we going to get to the seventh slot? If you get to the fifth slot, what are we going to do? If you get to the eighth, you could be in the show. So the reality of it is we've got a percentage, like the NBA has been very smart. I think Adam has done a wonderful job with that league, he really has, where they've got a large component where every region can be in the league, in the thing really until

the very last 20% of competition because only four or five teams fall off and you have roughly right around 65 to 70% of the league being in the hunt for something in a playoff modality. And the great thing about baseball is we've seen wildcard teams going the World Series. So everyone knows getting into the hunt is not just a, it's not like really the NBA, a matter of the fact thing. And baseball getting into the hunt is very important because you can turn it around and become very hot during the playoff. Yeah.

And you've seen great teams lose in the first round. He's that way with goal tenders too. Yeah. I want to quickly do a couple of last things because I know you've got to wrap here quickly. But Chris Bryant, can we talk about Chris Bryant real quick? I have been told by Theo that I can negotiate Chris Bryant's contract here and now. So I'm ready to go. Are you ready to go?

Also, I want to let you know that on April 16, 2015, which was right around the Chris Bryant coming up to the Major Leagues Day, I said, I tweeted, hey, Scott Boris, you just got Theode, bro. You did. You got Theode. But seven years to 25, well, we didn't let me finish. His dad is also the hitting coach will hire him. Remember that being an attorney and using real names and real time and real things.

I'm prohibited from even entering into anything discussion, but I will discuss the valuation of Johnny Cub. Oh, Johnny Cub. Johnny Cub. Johnny Cub, seven years, 225 and his dad is almost made it a cup of coffee in the Major Leagues and he would be a great hitting coach. Well, first of all, we have to understand who Johnny Cub is. He's great.

Okay. No, wait. No, he stinks. He stinks. You already won. I love him. So I guess my question is, is that if you're in the stink market and you want to pay players $200 million who stink, have I got a laundry list of amateurs that I can give you who aren't

worthy of signing contracts at all? So obviously we know whenever a general manager is in a marketplace where he is offering an elite value, a top 10 value for a player and they come to you, the first thing you say is thank you for wanting to have an interest in someone that we believe is a very important part of your future and what we do and this player has worked for since he's 10 years old to get to this point. And what we want to do is sit down and talk about what's the basis of your offer. Please tell me where you grabbed these numbers from.

It would be cheaper than Bryce Harper. Well that would be true. That would be true of frankly every player in the league except one. But I know you because you're going to just keep climbing up, climbing up and breaking every record. Well we want to treat you fairly. We want you to know that let's try to talk about not the existence of a financial market but let's talk about a performance market so we know that you can explain to everyone

involved because you have future players and they're going to want to be paid above and below this evaluation. So you want to be able to say that when you talk to your fellow employees and your ownership that you have got a firm understanding on what you value most as to why you think this performance is unique or why you think this performance is not of the highest standard. And the reason we want to do this is because not only are we dealing with the negotiation of today and today's player we're going to be dealing with negotiations for a long time and going forward.

So if I understand your basis of valuation for this player and others then I'll have a firm understanding how to approach you with consideration for how your peers do it and how we've done it historically so we can have a good basis of information to begin the process. I'm not ready to do that at this time just say yes or no. And well the answer to that would be TBC. Oh okay. Okay.

Okay. Three initials again. Yes. Yes. It's actually really good for dumb brains like mine to just make everything three initials. Well you know what the biggest disconnect between what you're doing and what we do is that I can't think into the future. I can't think more than a day into the future.

Because you're like I mean you're some kind of time travel or the past. I don't know what I think. You're talking about seven years. I'm not going to be alive in seven years. The world's not going to be here in seven years. You got a plan for today. I just want the deal today. Has any owner ever said what about climate change?

We might not even have a lead in seven years. Yeah. Why do you want this tenth year? Like that's stupid. I've always told them that you know baseball can be played in a dome underground. You have an answer for everything. You're not as bad of a guy as people make you out to seem. It's nice.

What? Yeah. I don't care what people say about you Scott Borch. You're okay. You have to understand something. I talk to my clients 95% of the time and I only hear good things. Yeah. That's true.

How'd your nephew do in baseball because you have one tweet ever? Yes. My nephew went to college, played division one baseball and now is out working in the world and doing great. So confirm that's your Twitter account. That would be pretty much it. Yeah. He wrote congratulations to nephew Jimmy Borch's first varsity high school at bat.

Well done. That's his only tweet. I like that. His only tweet. You don't need Twitter. You don't need Twitter. I do have one last question because in the binder that we were given before we met with you, it said that you were roommates with Pete Carroll.

Oh yeah. Yes. How was he as a roommate? Was he clean? Watched a lot of weird YouTube videos. He was the ultimate competitor. He'd come back to the room and he would have his forehead would be swollen from hitting head first.

He was a defensive back. He was an ultimate, ultimate competitor. Choose a lot of gum. And we'd sit there and talk about how you get better in our respective sports all the time and still do today. That's awesome. Did you negotiate his contract form? No, I just gave him a number.

There you go. Cool. Scott Boris. Thank you so much. We appreciate it. Appreciate it. It really been a pleasure guys. Again, congratulations.

Thank you. Thank you. Don't stop doing that. On that seven year 225 deal for Johnny Cup. Way to go. Way to go. That interview with Scott Boris was brought to you guys by Roman Swipes. We love talking about Roman Swipes.

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You don't watch The Bachelor though, Hank. I do not. But you do have everything that we missed. I do. Okay. Because I get some bullet points. Yup. Garret fought with Luke P for the whole first hour.

See the thing with The Bachelor is like The Bachelorette or this is The Bachelorette. The Bachelor is actually interesting. I think the girls fighting with each other is funnier. The Bachelor is actually the worst show to watch. Should there be equal pay? It's unwatchable. Equal pay for equal performance? Why?

Why don't they just... I think it's just Hannah B. It's not necessarily that it's girls versus boys. I just think the actual Bachelorette, like she doesn't want to be there. Like she cries every episode. She's like, all these guys are coming after her and she... So you need them to fight each other. You need to just give everyone steroids and let them fight. Yeah.

Garret fought with Luke P for the whole first hour. Hannah told the guys to stay in their freaking lane. Freakin? Yup. That's classic side seat driving by a chick. And then the second hour was just a recap of the first five weeks of the show. Basically just an interview with Hannah that they filmed after the season was over for filler.

So they're running out of shit. Yeah. It sounds like there's not a lot going on. Canceled. You bring up a good point though, Big Cat. You know how like on reality TV shows, you're not allowed to have televisions in the house. You can't have board games or anything like that because you want to get interaction between the guys.

Why not just set up like a rough and rowdy ring or just a boxing ring in the house? The best season of the challenge ever was when Wes came and had put on like 50 pounds of muscle because of steroids and they all just roided out on each other. That's it. That's the key. That's it. That's it. All right.

So alcohol and just synthetic testosterone in the fridge. People are very upset though at the fact that they just replayed like a best of without telling anyone. Okay. So this segment serves its purpose though, because the whole point of it is that you can now talk about the bachelor or bachelorette in your office with your girlfriend, with your boyfriend. If your boyfriend watches and you don't, but now you can just say this season sucks.

This season's trash. Hannah B is very low energy. Right. Sad. Okay. Next up we have Respect the Biz for the umpires. So Major League Baseball umpires are very upset at Manny Machado. He threw his bat and his, and his helmet and made a little bit of contact and they have

suspended him for one game, but the umpires are mad because there's only one game and they have a, I guess the umpire union has a Twitter account that is definitely run by Joe West and they over hash tagged. So they went. So after seeing that Manny Machado was only suspended for one game. Hashtag disappointed, hashtag lead by example, hashtag not appreciated, hashtag violence, hashtag temper tantrum, hashtag inaction, hashtag not tolerated, hashtag make an example of hashtag one game suspension, hashtag repeat offender, hashtag nonsense, hashtag MLB UA.

Is that it? That's it. My favorite I think is hashtag not appreciated. Okay. And hashtag make an example of, make an example of is very nice. That's a, I'm, I'm actually looking right now to see what's buzzing on the hashtag make an example of it's going to take a little while because everyone's just, everyone's just talking about that.

But you know, there was some, some person who hopped on Twitter like five years ago. It's like, I'm going to make an example out of everyone. My other favorite part of that tweet was how they snitched tag Buster only in it at the end. Oh, you can't do that. Okay. Buster, this is our press release. So please do the rest of the work for Joe West here tweeting, please signal boost your

buddy Joe. Yeah. I actually, I would like it if the umpires, they should do a diss track to Manny Machado and I've just have Joe West thing we get into like a rap war. Yeah. Get into a rap battle. Yeah. That'd be pretty good.

Like they should reply to this tweet, which did numbers with a link to their SoundCloud and it's just Joe, what's his name? Joe West. Yeah. About Joe. Yeah. Either way, it's a good time to remind everyone that last year Joe West tried to wear a white armband to speak out against violence against umpires and that was the dumbest thing ever.

Yeah. Turns out the thin white line isn't the greatest thing to talk about. Okay. So we have our sports business minute with PMT Sports Biz Jake Marsh. He's been killing it. He was at the XFL Combine. He got exclusive footage of Ravel complaining about his hamstring and saying, this is not your content and he's been crushing it.

So let's do our PMT Sports Biz minute. Good morning. This is Jake Marsh with the PMT Sports Biz minute. The NBA draft is tomorrow. Most players in attendance will have a handmade suit that can cost anywhere from $1,900 to $15,000. Now, 15 grand buys you about 57,692 diapers. After all, big cat does become dad cat any day now.

Meanwhile, the NFL hasn't told the beginning of September to decide if it will opt out of its Sunday ticket deal with Direct TV. The current eight year deal, which ends after the season, is worth an average of $1.5 billion and in order for, all right, let's be real. Throw out the numbers. Just get the damn deal done. This is the greatest idea in sports television history and it should not be changed one bit. We shall see.

Finally, Forbes has released a top 10 list for the fastest airlines in the US. Number one, Hawaiian Air with Southwest Allegiant Delta right behind American and Alaska Air stand at nine and 10 respectively. That's your PMT Sports Biz minute. Mr. Cat. Mr. Commenter. Back to you. This is not your content.

Isn't is an all time line ball. All time. And you know, he was so upset. Oh, it's dead serious. Stop. This is my content. I want the retweets. You can't do this for the guy who like steals everyone else's shit.

Yep. This is not your content. Next up, we have a locker room talk, which is actually kind of just a sad talk. Lenny Dykstra lost his teeth. Not only did he lose his teeth, but should we just read a headline Lenny Dykstra lost his teeth? Hold on. Actually, let's change it.

Let's change it to a read a headline because that's probably better and we can just move on. Please include the entirety of the headline. Yes, I got it. X MLB star Lenny Dykstra spent nine hours dumpster diving outside of Jersey Mike's. Here's why he lost his teeth. It did leave out one of the best parts. X MLB star Lenny Dykstra spent nine hours dumpster diving with professional wrestler.

Sprinkles the clown. Oh, he was to recover $80,000 worth of fake teeth to they got that's the appropriate. Oh, I see the sprinkles the clown. Yeah. He said, yeah, he sprinkles the clown. Hopped in. He said, you want me to come help? We want to come help me and Lenny Dykstra look for these dentures tonight.

Or does anyone? This is a serious question. I would Sprinkles the clown only asked serious questions. Yeah, he dug through the dumpster for nine hours. Did you ever find him? I think he did. OK, so good. Good.

All is well that ends well. Great. Great ending to a story there. All right. Last up before we get to guys on chicks, we have an oh, you think PFT. What was it? The former president of FIFA was arrested because it turns out the awarding of the World Cup to Qatar or Qatar may not have been above board.

You think no doi. So you're saying that awarding it to a country where they have to build what, 10 soccer stadiums with all air conditioned using slave labor probably wasn't good. I'm sorry. Is job creation a crime now? Is that what we're doing? Are they going to do it? We're going to lock them up because he's an entrepreneur.

People didn't get mad at Georgia O'Keeffe when she painted flowers that looked like vaginas. I think we should let this guy build a dozen stadiums in the desert that look like labious. This is going to be some serious, serious deserted stadium porn in like 10 years. Oh, yeah. None of these are going to be there. The only thing that could save them is if the only thing could save FIFA from this disaster is if Roger Goodell is like we're putting an NFL team in Qatar, which wouldn't surprise

me. Yeah. Like an entire division right in Qatar. Right. That I mean, I'm kind of in. I'm in. Yeah. I mean, if we're being honest.

Yeah. You're around football. Do you want to do the spring league? Well, I'm assuming the game would be on the middle of the night. What time is this World Cup going to be played? It probably will be played in the middle of the night. I'm going to guess games would be at like 2 a.m. Oh my God.

Fuck that. Yeah. Why? All right, now I'm mad because I love Yogo Bonito. Listen, Qatar is seven hours ahead of us. Oh, that's not bad. That's not too bad. No.

So it's like late night. No. So it's kind of cool. No. All the games will be early morning. Wait. Seven hours ahead of us. It's 104 a.m.

Right now in Qatar. Seven hours ahead. Yeah. So it's great. So some of the games are going to be starting in like an hour. So the latest games? No. What are you talking about?

When we watch the games, it will be like middle of the day here because they're going to play the games at night there. OK. So it will be like if a game starts at 8 there, it'll start at 1 p.m. That's great. Boss button season. That's great. They're going to play the games.

Actually, they don't have to play the games. I don't want to because they eat. Yeah, because they're not going to be able to do the air conditioned stadiums. That's fine. That would be six o'clock. Yeah. So we're going to have a little bit of a break and over there. Do it.

All right, Hank. Let's wrap up, guys on checks. Sup chonk cat and perfectly normal height PFT. My husband and I recently returned from our honeymoon and things have been a tad rocky. While on our honeymoon, I booked us a sunset horseback riding trip. My husband is a tad chonk and I may or may not have lied about his weight to meet the guidelines to horseback ride. I did not tell him about a weight limit.

Cut to us and four other couples about to horseback ride and he was essentially told he was too fat to ride. Now wanting to waste the money he already spent. He went to the bar while I enjoyed a sunset horseback ride with some random strangers. Shoot me straight. How bad is this? Is this salvageable? Yeah, I think it probably is.

It's better that it ended up happening this way than the guy killed a horse by just like riding it to exhaustion from being too fat. Yeah. So he probably appreciated the couple hours to just get loaded at the bar by himself. Also as someone who's lived his whole life kind of up or near the weight limit for these things. He knows. Like this wasn't news to him, whitewater rafting, segways, zip lining, bungee jumping, jumping

out of an airplane, all these things. You know there's the possibility they're like you are way too heavy for this. And you know what? You just kind of deal with it. This is why activities on vacations are overrated in general. Agreed. Really, a guy's perfect honeymoon or vacation is just go somewhere, hang out, add a beach, a pool and then get hammered.

Yeah. You can just, he only does the activities because you want to do the activities. Eat a lot. Yeah, eat a lot and then maybe have sex a few times. Yeah. Hey, big daddy cat and PFT. My husband has been gaining a little weight and I found out it's because every night he goes to walk the dog, he stops at the bodega to either get candy or get a slice of pizza.

He then returns home and has dinner with me, never mentioning his snacking. I don't want to call him out, but should I be offended that he is pre-gaming dinner with his wife, P.S., the guy behind the counter of the bodega snitched on him? No. That's tough. No. I bet he was paying in cash and being real slick about it. He probably kicked one of the cats or something, the bodega cats.

That sucks. How could that guy do that? He's definitely trying to fuck you by the way, the bodega guy, because that like, why would he say, why would he snitch on a customer as loyal as the late night snacker? That's probably your best guy. This is the midnight, like midday snack. Midday snack. I do it.

I hide my snacks in my house. That's the adult thing to do. Where? Keep candy in closets and stuff. Keep candy in drawers. Yeah, drawers, high places, like you just hide all your shoes. In the bathroom. Yeah.

Be an adult about it and hide all your shame instead of going out to the bodega, because then guess what? You can't get snitched on. Right. Take like a prescription bottle, fill it up with Skittles or M&Ms and just take a few of those every night. Sup boys, my boyfriend keeps asking me to pierce my nips, but I know, but I know from a friend that his ex has pierced nips.

Does he want to get back together with his ex or does he just love nipple piercings? I think that's like, if you're a pitcher that gets used to throwing in the same ballpark or better example, be a center fielder that's used to the dimensions of a ballpark by the team they get drafted on, then you'd get traded to the Astros and all of a sudden there's like a hill and a pole out in center field. You'd rather be playing in the place that you're familiar with. He just knows what to do with Pierce nipple. Yeah, that sucks.

I think the compromise here is you just tell him instead of piercing your nipples, he can just call you his ex-girlfriend's name. Do that. Or just pierce one. Yeah. Yeah. Pierce one. Or say, I'll pierce my nipples if you pierce yours.

If you get a Prince Albert. Yeah. He's got to pierce his cock. I'm not getting a dick piercing. Yeah, you were. I knew you were. All right. Last one.

Hey boys, especially dad bod cat. So I don't do that. Don't. Don't. Dad bods, fuck the big dad bod thing where people think it's hot. It's not. So I was at a wedding a few weeks ago with Purdue graduates and as a wedding gift for the groom, the bride had the Purdue Pete mascot come.

Big drum too. I had a little too much to drink and ended up suggestively dancing, parentheses grinding, with Purdue Pete for a long time. My boyfriend didn't know what to do besides watching the sidelines in horror and embarrassment and now won't stop making fun of me. How do I ever live this down? I think you got to let, you got to buy him a Purdue Pete costume and then let him fuck you.

Oh man, that's. We just got to like get him drunk and have him embarrass himself. So that way when he brings up Purdue Pete, you can bring up like him pissing his pants or something. Like maybe I like hire Mrs. Met to show up to one of your, to like a night out on the town. What are some other good female mascots, the blue hen, the Delaware blue hen is technically a female.

That's tough, man. You can't, especially like now I'm going to get into the range of bashing Purdue. But like, come on, we're not, you know, at least do it with stealing. It's like Purdue, Purdue moved to even have the mask, no, it's a big college. I've been to, I've been to weddings with Bucky the badger at it. It's very fun. He shows up and he's fucking electric. So it definitely happens.

I'm not shaming that part. It's just Purdue Pete. Like that dude's kind of weird looking. I'm going to Google Purdue. I don't know, man. See what he looks like here. I think if you're going to do it, you're going to want to do it with like a mascot that everyone loved.

But she's, she's getting shamed for it now after the fact. Oh, also, by the way, he definitely came in that mascot suit because he was like, no one knows what he looks like. No one, he can just do whatever he wants. Yeah. Yeah. You know, he's not good looking. But he looks like if Steely McBeam got had Meg Ryan's doctor plastic surgery on him.

It's not good. It's not good. Yeah. If you're going to do, if you're going to like be going after a mascot, there's better ones out there. There are mascots out there that you're like, okay, that one. I could see how things could get away from you and boom, the organ duck puddles. You could see how the organ duck would start.

You know what I mean? Like if you start grinding your ass on the organ duck, I don't think anyone's going to say anything because that's a good looking mascot. I would say the Stanford tree. No, that's weird. Those are hippies. Stanford tree. I think I think that.

No, you're thinking of Berkeley. No, I'm thinking of the Stanford tree. It's weird. I don't know. It's the hippie band. They have all the Stanford band. You know, they all like run out there. You know, they wear different clothes and they're like, isn't it awesome?

I'm not, I'm not endorsing grinding up against the trombone player from Stanford. No, I know. I am endorsing as a former Christmas free salesman. I always have kind of a special place in my heart for a nice Fraser fur. I think we'll do that. Mal Rushmore of Mascasa that you'd fuck. Also before the show ends, just a quick note that Chris Paul and Darren Moore have both come out and said that's fake news about the report.

Oh, I'm sure. Yeah. Totally, totally. Definitely fake. Totally fake. There's no, and James Harden still hasn't returned his text. Not trying to save face for a potential trade or anything like that. That also is a classic.

They texted James Harden and were like, hey, we're about to release a joint statement. You in? We'll just join. Join Instagram. Nothing back. Nothing back because he's not responding. Okay. See everyone on Friday.

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