Pardon My Take - Scott Van Pelt, Ryan Lochte, Mt Flushmore of Car Accessories And Sports Are Back?

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. On today's pardon my take, we have our good friend Scott Van Pelt on the show. We talk a little baseball with him. We talk a little video games, some unfair accusations are made. We get into inside his head, his bald head. Great time with him.

Starting point is 00:00:26 We also have Ryan Lochte on, one of the greatest philosophers of our time. Good friend, recurring guest Ryan Lochte. We have Firefest of the Week, the Mount Flushmore of Car Accessories, and FAQs, all on today's show. And we're brought to you by our friends at the Cash App. Not only is it the easiest place to send money to your friends, it's the safest. We want everyone to go to Cash App's Twitch page, twitch.tv slash Cash App. Show them some love and follow their channel.

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Starting point is 00:01:35 Cash App and get some free money because it's the Cash App. Let's go. Welcome to part of my take presented by the Cash App. Go right now, twitch.tv slash Cash App and every time they go live on Twitch, if you comment with your cash tag, they're giving away free money. Just do it, do it, do it. Today is Friday, May 29th and sports are back-ish. We're getting announcements about announcements.

Starting point is 00:02:40 We're getting half announcements, NHL, the Stanley Cup playoffs are back, sort of, because we don't know when, but the 2014 tournament is awesome. The Blackhawks made the playoffs, I don't know how, but yeah, sports feel like they're coming back. They're definitely coming back. I'm very excited about it. I was trying to crack the code on the NHL playoff format. It's tough to follow at first.

Starting point is 00:03:02 You need to dive into it a little bit, but the upshot is there are more teams in the playoffs. We're probably going to play it at like the Disney Wild World of Sports or wherever that is down in Orlando. I think they're playing it in the word I got from our hockey guy, from Spit and Shiklitz, our hockey guys, Vegas and Edmonton look like the most likely spots. It's just going to be in Vegas and Edmonton. Yeah, it's only two spots.

Starting point is 00:03:23 It's two spots. And they're not going to the East Coast at all. I don't know if that's official. There's 10 finalist cities. I think Pittsburgh was on there. What would you say? It's like the Olympics. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:03:33 But they're going to do all the games in two cities. They're going to do Eastern Conference, Western Conference. Did you talk to Biz Nasty? No, I talked to the producer of Spit and Shiklitz, Mike Grinnell. I was going to say, I would like to have a live cam on Biz Nasty of him reading the playoff format, trying to understand it like a dog listening to classical music. I thought it was pretty straightforward. It was after you get past the first opening round part.

Starting point is 00:03:54 Yeah, it's five through 12, playing a five game series and then one through four playing a round robin tournament for seating, which the seating really means nothing except for you know, line changes because you're not playing at home. Right. So, but it's nice to have seating. Yeah. Homeless advantage doesn't mean anything. Are they going to play the games like back to back on the same day or are they going

Starting point is 00:04:14 to space it out like the normal spacing playoff? It seems like they're going to play it kind of like just blitz it. Just do that. I mean, they're not going to, not like you don't have to play every single day, but it seems like there will be multiple games spread out through the day in these different hockey cities and they're just going to go right through it. I'm psyched. I'm psyched.

Starting point is 00:04:32 I'm going to play there. That'll be all that I need. I need also the, the horn is going to sound so loud when they score a goal. Oh yeah. Empty stadium. That's pretty cool. Just give me, I know that they're not going to be playing basketball games in the same arenas unless maybe if it's in Vegas, they might, I just need the montage of the floor

Starting point is 00:04:48 changing from hardwood to ice, then back to floor. If you could figure out a way to do that multiple times over the course of one day where they started off playing like one Western conference game in the NHL and then they transition it to a basketball game, then back to hockey. I want as many of those montages as possible. I'm totally down with the fake crowd noise. They had it for the boondish laga. I thought it was awesome.

Starting point is 00:05:09 Like it really does make it seem like a real game because you, when you pan out, you obviously see, okay, there's no crowd there, but just do it. And I know the, the opposition to that is we want to hear the players talk, but as soon as players know that they're on a live mic, they're not going to talk the same way. They're not going to. If you, if you put an NBA players on the court, if you put hockey players on the ice and you're like, put, people can pick up everything you say, there will not be talking. There I think there still will be once you get in the heat of competition.

Starting point is 00:05:40 So what you need the same way though, what you need is you need something like they did with the match where they have like somebody whose only job is to hit that dump button, have like the most, the most conservative ears like Tipper Gore have Al Gore's ex-wife who is in charge of putting those explicit content stickers on records back in the eighties and nineties. Have her listening to the live stream and she's in charge of the dump button. The, it's just the fake crowd noise. I'm all for it.

Starting point is 00:06:04 I don't, I don't see any downside. I know people in their, in their wildest dreams think, what, what's the downside? They think that it's going to be like a mic'd up. They think it's going to be a perpetual mic'd up where we're going to get the most interesting conversations and things. I don't think one, I don't think the NFL would ever allow it because everyone's paranoid in the NFL. Two, I think as soon as anyone makes a mistake, they will be like, fuck that, we're out.

Starting point is 00:06:26 So this idea, I know the fantasy land, if I, The crowd noise could be the downside. They could fuck that up. It could make the viewing experience suck. Oh, but did you watch, did you watch the German soccer? Did I watch the, no. Okay. Well, it's the only sport that's on.

Starting point is 00:06:40 I've watched the boot camp. It's a sports podcast. It's a sports podcast. Watching the ball on the grass. Wait, so, so how would they fuck it up? They play the crowd noise too loud? Yeah. Like they, they play.

Starting point is 00:06:51 You need a DJ. Right. That sounds, I mean, you trust a DJ, like some random DJ that's going to be in charge of the crowd. I mean, in the NBA, they're playing Jumbotron songs all throughout the game anyway. I hate that. I absolutely hate that. I don't disagree there.

Starting point is 00:07:04 No, it's not. No, it's not. Oh. You want to just silence. No, I'm saying, if you're talking about NBA, like there's plenty of basketball games that get played without them playing like fucking TI in the fourth quarter, like that sucks. Not many. Like they all, you mean like college basketball.

Starting point is 00:07:18 Yeah. Well, yeah, they try harder, right? No. I'm just saying like, I don't know, are you saying, you're saying that there's no downside is all I was saying. Yeah. That it could, they could ruin the viewing experience. They're, the, the noise is too loud.

Starting point is 00:07:32 Of course. They play at times when it's not supposed to happen. Yeah. Of course. They have to tinker with it. It will make it not feel. I'm just basing it off the full soccer game I watched with fake crowd noise that just, it kind of went seamlessly.

Starting point is 00:07:41 I guess I gotta watch some boondeslock. Where do you, where do you catch the boondeslock? On television. Just, just have like one person who's in charge of raising the volume, lowering it. All they have to do is not play the Vuvuzela's and everyone's going to be happy. That's the only way you can fuck this up. I think it's going to be interesting though, if we get to football season and there's no crowd noise, because then there is some gamesmanship of, I can hear what the other quarterback

Starting point is 00:08:03 saying, I can hear what the other coaches screaming at them that you wouldn't be able to hear. And unless you have Jason Garrett on your sidelines, which might be a secret advantage for the giants, just have a coach that doesn't talk. I just don't think the NFL would ever, they're so paranoid. They're all so paranoid. They're not going to let that happen. They're not going to be like, Hey, we'll just give you a live mic.

Starting point is 00:08:21 Also how about when like someone gets violently hurt? Yeah, they probably don't want that on live. The bone sound is not going to be good. I know people have this idea that like I said, it's going to be mic'd up. I just don't, unless it's exactly like mic'd up, which I can't imagine it would be, just give me the feel of a, of a crowd noise. I think that hockey players, basketball players, they're going to forget that there's no sound. Like they're not going to, they're not thinking when they're playing, Oh, this is on television.

Starting point is 00:08:46 I wonder how it translates. They're going to let, they're going to be normal athletes out there saying the normal stuff that they would say, but you need to have that extra element of crowd noise to mask it. I think that the upside is way, way bigger than the downside of what to having fake crowd noise. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:09:04 Um, all right. So sports are almost back. I mean, MLB is there's clusterfuck. We'll get to that with Scott Van Pelt. Well, did you see what MLB networks doing? So I think that this is MLB network, like torturing us being like, okay, the players are going to play hardball. Guess what?

Starting point is 00:09:16 We're going to put on a 48 hour nonstop marathon of Derek Cheeter highlights. Yeah. It's like, okay, you want to fuck around? Let's fuck where here's Joe West performing his live album. That's all we're going to broadcast until the players agree to sign. I just, I keep going back to the fact that it feels like the owners are okay, threatening like this year, not having baseball and that tells you everything because if they are, that means that they're probably not losing as much money as they're claiming they're

Starting point is 00:09:41 going to lose. They're just trying to get a good deal. Yeah. So I don't know. I think something will get done because it will be increasingly embarrassing. Like if NBA and NHL are playing playoffs in the middle of July and baseball's not even there, that will be a huge embarrassment. Well, they're going to bring up the scab players.

Starting point is 00:10:00 If it all goes to shit, it's going to be all Tim Tebow all the time this summer. The, um, so, so that's kind of the state of sports. It feels like we're in this weird zone where it feels like everything's going to come back. EPL is going to come back. Everything's going to come back, but we have just a perpetual announcement for an announcement. That's fine. I'm okay with that. Just give me something in the distance I can point at and be like, that's what, that's

Starting point is 00:10:21 what's keeping me going for the next two weeks. Right. Um, all right. Anything else that we want to touch before we get to our fire fest? Uh, the NFL decided not to have that 1415 as the onside kick. That's tough. I was looking forward to it. Just any new wrinkle in the game is going to give us something to talk about for a while.

Starting point is 00:10:39 So I guess it's just business as usual. Like you're not going to recover any onside kicks unless you have young way coup on your team. Yep. Yeah. I mean this, I, I, it was discussed at great length is what everyone said. Fourth and 15 was discussed at great length when it, when they went through everything. So it feels like eventually they'll come around to it, but maybe not right now.

Starting point is 00:10:58 It was tabled. Yeah. It was tabled for a later date. I just, come on NFL, just do it. Just fucking do it. Just do it. Yeah. It was Jim Boylan.

Starting point is 00:11:08 They came out that, uh, all the rookies jobs on the bulls team was to clock in because he actually had a factory clock. Yeah. I liked that. Love it. Um, but they were just basically stealing time because the rookies would do it for the veterans. Oh, they would.

Starting point is 00:11:22 The rookies were talking. Part of their job was to clock in for the veterans. So everyone. Punch their time clock. Yeah. Okay. Well, it seems like Jim Boylan, Jim Boylan going back in time with technology. Some loop holes exist.

Starting point is 00:11:34 I'm okay with having. I actually love it when coaches do stuff like that. Like you have to wear a hard hat to the game. You have to pack a lunch. When you go to a game, you have to clock in and out of the factory. I like that. Who would have thought? Who would have thought that maybe the most integrated technology, the most successful

Starting point is 00:11:49 teams doing those kinds of things. Unbelievable. Um, all right. Let's get to Firefest. Before we do that, a new sponsor alert, Hank, new sponsor alert, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop is a fitness wearable that provides personalized insights on the performance of your sleep. How recovered your body is and how much stress, stress and exertion you put on your body throughout the day.

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Starting point is 00:13:54 Oh, I slept for five hours. I feel like shit. They tell you before you even know that you feel like shit. Yep, I love my whoop. I've been wearing it for like four days now, five days now. They're starting to put together like a data system of what my health looks like. Spoiler alert, it's not great. But if you measure it, you can move it.

Starting point is 00:14:10 I'm doing a little Vince young on my whoop right now. I'm kind of just chilling out in the first half. Haven't really gone to the gym or worked out. And then one day I'm just going to go ham on my whoop and just start going strain after strain, working out. And they're going to be like, whoa, dude, you're jerking off a lot. Incredible.

Starting point is 00:14:30 It does. It does feel good to wake up in the morning and you see like, I kicked ass at sleep last night. You feel like you've already accomplished something at the start of your day. It has a green circle. I'm at 70% right now. Green circle. And it felt so good looking at that and being like, yeah, dude, I'm at 12% for today.

Starting point is 00:14:46 Yeah. Tough, man. Tough recovery. All right. Let's do our firefest the week. Firefest the week, Hank. Firefest is kind of a firefest follow up, but a couple of firefests ago. My firefest was that my skateboard broke.

Starting point is 00:14:58 Andrew, I got an AWL connect hooked me up. I got sent a new skateboard. There was no controller in it and I lost my other controller. So now I have a skateboard without the controller. So I'm still unable to ride around the city. That's like that old Mitch Hedberg thing of like escalators can't break. They just become stairs. So you have a skateboard that doesn't have a battery.

Starting point is 00:15:21 Congrats. You have a skateboard. Pretty much. You don't know how to skateboard. Well, no, I could skateboard. No, you can do it with your foot and everything. You can you can power yourself. Yeah, I could.

Starting point is 00:15:34 I could. I have a longboard at the office. If I wanted to, I could longboard here. That just sounds like a lot more work. Hank, what about this? You're a big fan of wearing Heelys. Why don't you just Heely home? Oh, I mean, do you have those Heelys anymore?

Starting point is 00:15:46 I would love some adult Heelys. Get Hank some Heelys and he'll Heely to the office and back. Get us all Heelys. No, I actually have tried Heelys. I fucking break my leg. Yeah. I will break my wrist immediately using them. I actually took the wheels out of my Heelys and now I just walk around with shoes that

Starting point is 00:16:00 have a big hole in the Heelys. Yeah. Your LSU shoes. My LSU shoes. Yeah. We know. It's like, it's like a horse coming. Oh, speaking of LSU, I feel like we should address a good visual for our guy, Coach Oh.

Starting point is 00:16:12 Yeah. Hang with me, Baker. Coach Oh has been spotted numerous times by bystanders jogging around the streets of Baton Rouge. It's it's it's like a Florida vacation town. That's why he keeps getting pictures taken. I think Baton Rouge, they know they leave him alone. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:16:28 He's down in Florida. He's running the streets. He's making friends with Ray Baker. He looks great. He looks awesome. His run. His run is the definition of I'm in motion right now and nothing's going to stop me. I might not be going super fast, but there's not a force in the world that can stop me.

Starting point is 00:16:42 He's just going mono e mono versus son every single day and he's dominating the sun. Yep. I had a nice bronze glow to sweat. Yeah. He looks all man. You had another one. Oh, that was it. All right.

Starting point is 00:16:55 Hank has a skateboard. Sorry. Sorry. My fire fest of the week is that the government is coming for comment sections. So they're they're starting there. They're taking away our first amendment. The government has said that they are going to be looking at websites as as publishers like Twitter, Facebook, all that stuff.

Starting point is 00:17:16 So anything that you post on Facebook could therefore be it could be used in a lawsuit against Facebook. So in the past, Facebook was like anyone can post whatever dumb shit that we want on our website. And it's not ours to be responsible for it because it's the users that are doing it. Now the government is going to make it harder for Twitter for Facebook to do that stuff. They are coming for our first amendment and they're trying to silence the internet commenters of America.

Starting point is 00:17:45 What does this mean for me right now? It means, well, for you, it means that when you're on Twitch playing as Coach Doug's, you could probably ban some people for chirping at you. You can take away their first amendment in the but I mean, I'm a first amendment. Yeah. Absolutely. I don't do it, but I could. So you're draconian.

Starting point is 00:18:03 I'm an absolutist in the first amendment. I was the old Patrick Henry saying I will not. I don't agree with what's the old Patrick Henry. I don't. What's the sixth amendment? I don't agree. It's a sneaky move by you to be like, what's the old Patrick? Oh, I know it.

Starting point is 00:18:17 Oh, it's not. I think I even screwed that up because it's not Patrick Henry. I think, oh, he said, give me liberty or give me death. The old French guy said, I may not agree with your right to post a crying MJ, but I'll defend to the death. You're right to do it. Something along those lines. But what does it mean right now?

Starting point is 00:18:34 It means right now that no one's allowed to talk trash on the internet. Oh, that sucks. Yeah. Go to smooth.com. What's the internet for? Smooth, smooth smack.com. It's got this figured out. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:18:44 We're going to be fine. Here's an idea. I had a new segment alert. Ideas that I had that most people probably have already had, but I'm the Stephen A. Smith or Chris Broussard. I'm the first that I've heard. Yes. Think of this.

Starting point is 00:18:57 That's all you got to say. The social network too. What about it? They should, someone should make that. The movie? But like, yeah, because the first one was just about the rise of Facebook and it was all good. The downfall of Facebook.

Starting point is 00:19:07 This is like the social network too, the downfall and how the, you know, the negative things that have come from Facebook in the past 10 years. The Winklevosses strike back. They should try to buy it back from Zuckerberg. I guess it's not hitting. No, it's okay. It's good. I mean, this is, now it would be the time for Myspace Tom to really like amp his game

Starting point is 00:19:26 up. Well, I'm saying you're making it theoretical. I'm just saying it could just be an actual, like the same way the social network was a true story. It could be the true story of the last 10 years of Facebook. Hmm. Okay. Okay.

Starting point is 00:19:37 No, no, no, it's not bad. No, I like it. I wonder if we should wait till Zuckerberg, like probably becomes president and then rips off his face. He's like, I was a robot all along, probably wait for that, but I'm in. Start writing the script. Now we'll get to the conclusion soon. That's really what's going to happen.

Starting point is 00:19:54 Well, that's going to, we have to write the beginning and the end first. So that's the end of the movie. Yeah. Yeah. All right. My firefest is, I like Outer Banks. I told you. I like Outer Banks.

Starting point is 00:20:08 And though it's such a bad show, I, it's so bad. It's become good. It reminds me of like all the, all my favorite action movies with like Steven Segal and John Claude Van Damme and like best of the best, like they're just so bad. That scene, it hooked me literally, you'll have to watch it, but that was a unintentional pun. It hooked me when one of the guys was trying to literally kill another guy with a hook and he caught it with his cast, his arm cast.

Starting point is 00:20:39 And I was like, this is Steven Segal. Steven Segal would dream this up and make this a movie and it would be incredible. What kind of hook are we talking about? Are we talking about a fishing hook? Yeah. No, like a big, yeah. Like a grappling hook. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:20:51 Yeah. Like a huge hook. Yeah. Use what you got. Turn your wheel. And he's just fucking throughout his, throughout his cast and boom. It was the perfect scene. And we also had the, the, the, the dialogue is off the charts.

Starting point is 00:21:02 The kid tries to steal from his dad and he tries to steal from his dad a watch. And what was the line he used? He was like checking the time. Yeah. Checking the time. His dad caught him. He's like checking the time. Oh, well, he was like, well, he was, he was, he was, he was, it was like, it was a wall

Starting point is 00:21:19 safe. And when he shot the safe, the dad was right there. He's like checking the time. Got it. So are you, are you a kooks though? No, I think I'm a pole. Hell yeah. I think I'm, I think I am living the plot to Sarah Cameron.

Starting point is 00:21:31 Now I'm, I'm not all the way done. So maybe that will turn out to be bad, but I start, I'm started as a kook and now I'm a pole. Which one's which, which one is the one that has the boat and which one is the one that has the restraining order? The pokes. Okay. Although I feel like most people in the other banks that have the restraining order also

Starting point is 00:21:48 own a boat. That's like a, a pancake of a venn diagram. Everyone owns a boat. It's just how big of a boat. But yeah, I like it. And I, I don't know. I mean, I'm sad about myself that I fell for it because I think I'm not going to spoil it.

Starting point is 00:22:02 I kind of wanted to, I'm not going to spoil it. I think I went through the same progression of you where I was like, I'm watching this begrudgingly and then I got into it and then it, it, it. Okay. Don't, don't say no more. I'm going to finish it this weekend. I'll let you know. Is there nudity?

Starting point is 00:22:16 No. I'm out. Oh, for that reason. Is there? I'm out. No. No. But some hot scenes.

Starting point is 00:22:24 If you want, if you guys want to watch a really terrible show that's just outwardly terrible. White lines on Netflix is, is maybe the, I'm not trying to keep watching terrible shows because this is really what, this is like the core of who I am. I, I don't know if you guys heard, but I read a book this week, finished it. No big deal. I'm trying to become smarter, but when it comes down to it, like, I really just need to crawl under a tractor trailer and be like, this is where I'm going to live for the rest of my life.

Starting point is 00:22:45 Drink the oil, dripping down and just be a bum. Well, that's your treat. It's like you're doing something to better your mind and you have to counteract it. You're like, if I, if I make it through a couple of chapters, then I get to watch the Cougs fuck around and sink their boat off the Cape of Hatteras. But as I read the book, I had to keep pumping myself up being like, do this, man, you got this, you got this, finish this book. While I'm watching out, uh, Outer Banks, I'm like, oh man, this feels great.

Starting point is 00:23:08 Like my, my brain is fully off and it is so bad and I'm learning nothing. I'm getting dumber. Go back to white lines. What's white lines about? Oh my God, it's about, uh, yeah, Abitha Abiza, big parties and Abitha, uh, it's a girl trying to solve her brother's murder from 20 years ago. They're flashing back and forth between 20 years. It doesn't make any sense.

Starting point is 00:23:30 It's terrible. It's, it is, it is actually it like, like Outer Banks, it's like, it was kind of good. And then I was like, this might be a good show. And then it, it's just terrible. Is there nudity in that one? There's a lot of new. Okay. I'm in.

Starting point is 00:23:43 A lot of sex, a lot of drugs, a lot of DJ scene, but it's, it's objectively terrible. Worse than Outer Banks? Yes. It's not even redeeming. No. No. I'm out. And the longer it goes, the more mad you get.

Starting point is 00:23:53 Outer Banks is, it's, it's comical. How bad it is. Yeah. And there's like some, you know, the love you're somewhat interested in. No, I don't care about those. But this is just bad. I found who do you want? Who do you want?

Starting point is 00:24:03 Who do you want? Who do you want? Who do you want John B to end up with? I don't know. Her and her, him and Sarah Cameron are just hot. It's a hot couple. It's a fucking hot couple. See this sucks for me because what's happening right now is there's all these like inside

Starting point is 00:24:16 things going on between Hank and big cat. And now I have to watch. No, because I have to watch because no, no, because you're going to, no, because we're not going to want it. I'm not going to want to talk about it after. I was never expecting. I never thought the day would come where I was talking about Outer Banks on part of my take.

Starting point is 00:24:29 Yeah. I watched it like a month and a half ago. I got duped into it. I just started watching it and I can't get out of it. Um, all right, let's get, let's get to something constructive here. We have Scott Van Pelt on. Then we're going to go to Ryan Lochte before we have SVP, a word from our friends at Body Armor.

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Starting point is 00:25:30 Okay. Here he is. Scott Van Pelt. Okay. We now welcome on our very, very good friend, recurring guest. It is Scotty Too Hotty, Scott Van Pelt, the man who is still on your television every single night. He's put in Sports Center.

Starting point is 00:25:46 He's crushing it and I actually think I'm going to say something nice before we maybe get into a argument here about fictional video game characters. I think what you and Steve and your whole staff are doing is incredible because as guys who also have to do content every day with no sports on, it's not easy, but you guys make it look easy. I appreciate that very much. We're trying our best and it's, it's especially kind of you to say something nice, understanding that in the midst of our content creation on our pod, as I was giving you gigantic props

Starting point is 00:26:25 for, for what you have done with the Coach Doug's phenomenon, I may have repeatedly accused you of, of using your players and pumping up their, their speed numbers. And I, I, but I may have done that. I absolutely did that. So let's, let's, let's dig deep here. What, where's this from? Where's this, uh, jealousy coming from? Because I'll, I'll, I'll show my stats.

Starting point is 00:26:48 I'll show my roster tomorrow against South Carolina or today against South Carolina. I inherited this team. Everyone watched me live inherited this inherit this team. The first thing that jumped out at the page is I had SEC speed, uh, on the offensive side of the ball, really bad defense, but it's coming around. So what gives man? I think when I watched the Twitch and I see Jojo speed, I'm like, wow, that guy's really swift.

Starting point is 00:27:15 Like, like maybe, maybe faster than, maybe faster than he was prior to, but we all know those things. Like the coach, Doug's training, I'm regimen, I'm sure, I'm sure that's something to do with it. Right. We do the offseason training and, and typically numbers do improve, but maybe that's part of it. Yup.

Starting point is 00:27:33 Maybe that's part of it. That's a fact. Or maybe, maybe big cat, you want me to give me, like this is a real moment of truth. Maybe, maybe when I, after, and I, I backstory after you started doing this, I'm like, who doesn't love 2014? I dusted off the Xbox. I too followed your lead, not trying to steal content, just trying to fill time in my board out of my brain existence.

Starting point is 00:27:55 I start playing the game. I'm the offensive coordinator at, uh, Nevada, then I actually got to Texas Tech before you. We talked about that, which was very funny. It's true. I'm now the coach at Maryland head coach at Maryland Alma mater dream job. And when I took over things were pretty grim and maybe, maybe a big cat, what I did is I spiced up some of my guys stats and I thought, you know, maybe big cat did this too. I'm, I'm fully admitting that I, I was on the juice, like hardcore on the juice.

Starting point is 00:28:24 And I just assumed that you did the same thing. And if you're a man of honor, then on your more widely listened to podcast than ours, I will, I will say that maybe I'm just, maybe what I was doing was lashing out. I was projecting because of the shame that I feel in my heart. Now, Scott, I want to kind of take your side in this a little bit here because big cat just offered to open up the kimono show the stats of his players prior to playing USC. It's interesting to me and I think you'll agree that he did not make that same offer before going up against Florida and going up against Georgia and the better teams in

Starting point is 00:28:58 the SEC. And he's saying, yeah, you know what, USC is actually better than both of those things. Before we take on Steve Spurrier, I'll open up the, I'll open up the rule book here and see what, and let you guys see what I'm working with. So don't, don't let big cat talk you out of your paranoia just yet because I like what, what this is. Oh no, I think he, I think he probably did it. I think he probably did.

Starting point is 00:29:18 I know I did it. Yeah. You're projecting. You're projecting. You feel bad that you're winning national championships at Maryland and you have to juice your players. I will show you and they will be the off season training. I think I showed when we inherited the roster, it was live streamed.

Starting point is 00:29:34 Everyone saw it. You do get boost during the year. You know that you do get boost during the year when your offensive coordinator gets, you know, you add one, you know, it adds one to everyone's stuff. But I, I had been accused, you're not the first person. You're basically a Twitter troll, which is another projection. We can do this. I'm not stinky poo poo or whatever his name is.

Starting point is 00:29:53 You are stinky poopy stinks. You could lay, we could lay you on the couch right now. You could lay you on the couch and dig deep into your brain and I fully, I fully copped to the fact that it is horrifying that I know the name of people on your team. I know. I know Jojo and I know Rico Berkerton for fuck's sake. Yes. I know the names of these people.

Starting point is 00:30:17 But I also, when I see you run one of the four plays that you run, Oh stop, Oh, poopy stinks. You're poopy stinks. I do like this side of Scotto. And I see this refreshing Scott, what, what, you, you get, when's the last time when you guys got caught? That doesn't happen very often. Uh, actually poo stubs got caught poo stubs got caught.

Starting point is 00:30:38 I listen, I'll show it like a tight end. Yeah. I'll show it. Big tight end. I'll show it. I have no problem showing it. I showed it when we, uh, when we inherited the roster, SC speed all over the field. It's incredible.

Starting point is 00:30:52 I got to win the Natty right now, but yeah, I think you're, I think you're projecting a little bit. I think that I think down, you're sad. A lot of people are also saying that big cat tapes these ahead of time and then he plays and then if he loses, then he doesn't air that one to go back and get a win. Yeah. 50. I don't want to go back to, um, I don't want to go back to that really gross episode

Starting point is 00:31:15 at Oklahoma State where like they uploaded the wrong season or whatever that was too high. Yeah. Yeah. I remember that. I just took an edible and you know what I like so many, like whatever is happening, you know, I guess what I'm saying here is when we know that there have been some episodes of maybe, maybe things like that have gone on that would it be beyond the realm to consider

Starting point is 00:31:39 that maybe as you're sitting there thinking, huh, I'm going to play some SCC teams. Maybe, maybe I just bump up the speed a little and then you see it move into the green and you're like, well, I'm going to make him a 92 speed. Why don't I make him a 95 speed to hell with it? That's sad. That's sad. Excuse me to this. And they've said, oh, you have 99 roster guys all over the place.

Starting point is 00:31:56 Again, I don't. And uh, Cale Presley might be there now because he's so fucking good and he's keeps getting boosted because he's got Heisman going, but uh, I, you know, I just like to enjoy playing video games. I think people like to enjoy watching. I think what's happening is that I have a, finally after like 60 games gotten somewhat adequate at this game and you and poopy stings. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:32:20 You're better. You know, these things and the like can't handle that. And you know, the haters always come out when you have success. I'm, I'm, I'm not going to act like I don't have a few plays that I go to play. I just feel like you run that, you run the wheel route, you know, you lean on the wheel route. Yeah. It's, you know, push comes, but you know what?

Starting point is 00:32:41 Who's not going to run the play that works when you need to play the works. I understand that. And I have like five plays at work now if you said four, it's more like five. Is there a possibility to set up an exhibition game of coach Doug's is Tennessee team against Scott Van Peltz Maryland team? I think, I think that's what Steve was trying to broker. Yeah. He was trying to broker.

Starting point is 00:32:58 He's asking, do I know how to get on the internet on the Xbox? And I said, I don't mean, I don't know. I mean, like I'm, I've said a thousand times, I'm like your grandpa, trying to figure out how to record someone a VCR, which the people listen to your show, you know what the hell I'm talking about. But I'm, my techno, my technological acumen is, is very, very poor other than my ability to choose my team. So I'd be happy to try to sort something out the way we do it for charity.

Starting point is 00:33:26 You know, I see the problem is the problem is Scott, I value our friendship. And I think that if we played each other, there would be rage quitting. There would be things that were said that we can never take back. It would basically be like your, you, you, Ryan and Stanford, Steve's all time segment on your old radio show. Uh, who's the jerk? I don't know if we'd recover from it, which everyone knows that's what broke up the SVP and Ursula show.

Starting point is 00:33:50 The one where Steve asked Ryan, who hates you more men or women and the one that that is the still the best, but, uh, the fact that Steve, and this is going to be a ricochet shot because he's going to get mad that I'm bringing this back up was outed as a litterer was bat. Yeah. The question was, do you litter? So I think really what that, that was more, that was more an accusation. It's like calling, you know, it's more like just saying you litter, but I just outright

Starting point is 00:34:19 came out and said, you boost your, your guy's speed and I'm guilty of it. So I, you're probably right. Cause if I, cause if like the horror of being behind multiple scores and people giving me Fs that are like 13 year old kids in a chat room, like I would not handle any of that well. Oh, I don't. And then I, then I'd say, I'd say hateful things. And then, you know, I'd end up saying to you what you said, the poopies things the other

Starting point is 00:34:45 night, which I just can't, I don't, I don't want that to happen. Yeah. I mean, I, there's, there's two, we have, we have years of, uh, of equity that's been built up and I'm afraid it could be wiped away like one giant wave on the beach. It's true. It's got, it's for charity. If it's for charity, no one can say you're a jerk because even as you're being a jerk, you're actually doing something for the greater good.

Starting point is 00:35:06 We'll try. We'll try. Well, well, yeah, I think, I think something should happen and I should, and listen, I should have to, I should own it, wear it, whatever the, the saying of the day or I should have to deal with all of it that comes with the accusations. And then I'd also, I'd have to, I'd have to more accurately bump my players back down from some of the guys I've got, because we're, uh, we're, we're, we've got some guys that are really like so some of our home run chase juice working right now.

Starting point is 00:35:34 You have a recruit, a recruit, mind you, a high school player, a recruit named Steve Coughlin who's a 96 coming out of high school. How'd you get that? I made him, well, but he was, I made him, I made him, I made him a, I made him a college park guy. I put him in college park somehow we got him and, and, uh, and this is, this is how sad my life is. I, I redshirted him because the guy that I juiced up, it's my quarterback so good.

Starting point is 00:36:03 And now I'm afraid when the year ends that he's going to leave like, I can't believe like the things I'm saying out loud are, are where my life currently is. You know what I mean? Like I have little kids and, and this is, and when I go home at night, like I, I can't wait. I have a national championship game with Auburn. I'll sit there tonight in the dark and it's like, it's all I'm thinking about right now. Like I can't wait to go home and play.

Starting point is 00:36:27 Oh, what's the name of your coach? Uh, it's Houston nut. I got, I brought Houston nut back to glory as an offensive coordinator. I wanted to want it to get him back in the game. And now, uh, Houston nuts down there, just, you know, just doing it in college park, little nut butter in college park. How about it? That's, that's incredible.

Starting point is 00:36:47 So, um, listen, we'll try to do it. I do love your texts. I get texts at like three in the morning, Scott's like, uh, cause me, Stanford, Steven Scott, he's like, just lost a heartbreak in Ohio state. It's three in the morning and he lost a heartbreak at all. It's really bad. It's really bad. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:37:05 That's true. But like, and again, so we're clear. The, what you guys have done is a phenomenon and, and I have supported it. I have openly been, you know, fanning the, uh, flame thing, oh, this is great. And then on my own podcast, I did, I did say that you cheated. Um, then you went after me. So that's what happened. All right.

Starting point is 00:37:23 Real question. I actually, uh, saw you, you fell back on your ways. You started fighting with Twitter trolls today, but I thought it was, I thought it was actually, uh, warranted because you had a one big thing last night or two nights ago on sports center about the players, uh, and the MLBPA and the owners, what, what made everyone so mad? And do you think that people have switched a little to being more pro player? Cause I do.

Starting point is 00:37:52 I think a lot of people aren't buying the owners bullshit this time. I think they're more pro player, but the problem is, and I set this in the mid, in the body of the one big thing is that nothing that I say, I can't counter the fact that the tens of millions of Americans have lost their jobs as a result of this. So I don't expect you to have pity for the players. This isn't about pity, but it's still about right and wrong. And if we have a contract and the contract has been collectively bargained and the tens of millions of dollars that I got, if I'm trout or coal or whomever, like that, that

Starting point is 00:38:23 I earned that it's collectively bargained. I got to be a free agent. I'm great. I get $35 million. All right. Well, I already gave you half of it back and now I'm going to go honor my contract and you want me to take half less again. Well, that's bullshit.

Starting point is 00:38:36 And, and, and saying that that's bullshit, if your answer to me is, oh, I don't have any pity because this, every, we know that's a horrible thing. No one's saying it's great that this situation has happened. They can, two things can be true at the same time. I know people have a lot of difficulty with that. So my point is simply, if we have a contract that's been collectively bargained, you agree to it, I agree to give you half back. You can't come to me and Sam, giving you half of, half of that back when I'm just going

Starting point is 00:39:06 to go out and play the number of games we agreed to. It just doesn't make any sense. So I'm on the player side there. And then, you know, it's some people, I think a lot of people get it and I think a lot of people feel that way. I mean, it's the old millionaires versus billionaires and no one's supposed to feel, just feel sorry for anyone. But if we're going to go do the work we agreed to, then you should give us the money that

Starting point is 00:39:25 you agreed to in March. I agree. I don't think it's complicated. To me, it's pretty simple. And that's if you buy a Major League Baseball team, a lot of these owners, when they buy it, they take out business loans because they understand that in theory, owning a Major League Baseball team is a can't lose proposition. But that's not how business works.

Starting point is 00:39:43 If you're the owner of a team, part of that is accepting all the risks that comes along with owning that business. So if something happens, if something bad happens, just like any other small business in America, if something bad happens and you're forced into a situation where you're not making as much money as you thought you were going to make, the risk falls on your shoulders as the owner of that franchise or the owner of that business. It does not fall on the shoulders of the people with whom you've entered a collective bargaining agreement and already gone back to the table and renegotiated once.

Starting point is 00:40:15 I think that that's, that should be something that's pretty clear to get across to people. But if you distill it down to like the question of should you feel sorry for Garrett Cole who's making what, $8 million a year as opposed to $35 million a year, then that's a totally different question. But that's not what we're talking about here. I never said I feel sorry for anybody. I'm just saying that in this ridiculous conversation where both sides are going to posture, I'm saying that I would support the side of the players simply because of everything you just

Starting point is 00:40:43 explained. And look, most of these owners print money on a yearly basis, whether they're good or bad or whether they try to feel the team that's successful or not. And this is an unprecedented situation in our life that's cost, as we've said, all these people their jobs and it's going to cost owners a ton of money. And it's already costing players a great deal as well that they were supposed to get. But if they're the ones that are going to go out there and put themselves theoretically at more risk because they're around these people and they're out there playing the

Starting point is 00:41:11 games that are generating at least a television portion of the revenue, then they're supposed to get what they agreed to. Again, where's the disconnect for that? It's also the thing I've been saying to the people, because I got in a little debate, I would say debate online about this as well, is you see it now in pros. So I'm going to fight. I fought it. Yeah, you fought.

Starting point is 00:41:33 I debated. You juiced your players. I just coached them up. Big Cat uses logic and reason to destroy his opponents. You rely on emotion. You see it now in sports. Dak Prescott's a perfect example right now. He is going to negotiate a contract that does not go five years because he knows the rights

Starting point is 00:41:50 are up in four and he wants to get a piece of that pie. He saw it with the NBA when the NBA basically got all that new money and they had to just spend it on anyone. If the roles were reversed here and the owners found some new revenue stream that was just knocking it out of the park, no pun intended, do you think they'd go back to the players and be like, Hey guys, we want to make sure that you get a little more money right now and rip up this CBA midterm. No, of course not.

Starting point is 00:42:16 So this is the other side. Of course not. Yeah, this is the other side. Of course the downside. So, right. And I mean, again, at no point did I feel badly for, I don't. They're still getting millions to play a kids game. All true.

Starting point is 00:42:31 But once again, these things were agreed to. Everybody entered into these contracts understanding that there are some uncertainties that might present themselves. Everybody saw this coming, so that's, you know, that's where we are. But I think Scherzer's little nugget there at the end of his tweet on whatever Wednesday night where he's like, if all the documents were seen by, you know, if they came to light or I'm paraphrasing, that this would be a different deal. I mean, they're obviously letting you know like, Hey, look, we know that you guys are

Starting point is 00:43:00 either you're hiding some portion of revenue or it's not as bad as you're making it out to seem. And, you know, we're not going to eat a quarter less again or half less again so that you guys can have this sort of close to a bottom line that you were ready for or hoping for. So, I mean, look, everything sucks. I'm yelling at Big Cat about juicing his players, you know, I mean, this is, it's 2027 in Stanford Steve's life. He's played hundreds of games and people are mad at me on Twitter about baseball players

Starting point is 00:43:30 that aren't going to get their money and that sucks because everything sucks. Yeah, it does. It does. It's a possibility because this is where I have a hard time with anybody that's taking the owner's side in this. If the players choose to go ahead and say, Yeah, we will take your demand this season to do essentially a soft salary cap for this one year. Do you think that there's any possibility that the owners don't use that as future leverage

Starting point is 00:43:55 in the next negotiation because I think that they're going to take whatever they can get and any sacrifice that the players make, that's going to come back to bite them in the ass for future generations, majorly baseball players? Precisely, because listen, and anybody that has dealt with any contract, your goal is to get, you don't, no one wants to grow by fractional percent. They want to take these massive, you know, doubling and tripling and whatever else. And that doesn't happen many places, but it can in baseball. And so the players have taken advantage of that.

Starting point is 00:44:28 And now if this gives you an opportunity to claim back real estate, you're exactly right. They're not going to surrender it. They're going to fight over it again as if, as it like it wasn't like you just gave us back that then. Now, now you gave it back to us. It's like a little kid with a toy. Like once these little ones, once your brother takes that thing back, I have it now. Well, no, that was my truck.

Starting point is 00:44:49 Well, now fuck you. I have it now. But you know, yeah, it's tough to call it back again. Once again, I'm taking, I'm taking you back inside what goes on at the Van Pelt House during the daytime when my little guy Charlie's buck naked, which is a whole other story. Pretty much kind of a lifestyle, guys. He's into it. Sure.

Starting point is 00:45:06 Never nude. No, no, the opposite. Yeah. I used to not just wear a shirt, but now, now he's taking it to decide and pants aren't going to work either. Um, I don't know what I'm talking about, except I'm talking about naked kids fighting over trucks and how that has to do with owners, but the premise is the same. Once somebody else has it, then they have it and they're not giving it.

Starting point is 00:45:24 They're not just giving it back to you unless you fight for it. Yeah. It's not about even these players, like players 10 years from now are going to have to deal with ramifications of what the players do right now. But, but I think, I really do believe, and Jeff Patterson said this repeatedly when he's been a guest on the show, like if you don't play, if, if, if in the midst of this, and that this is the most normal thing by the way that we have right now, the most normal thing we have is that the owners and the players are fighting about money.

Starting point is 00:45:50 Um, but if they, if they stare each other down and nobody blanks and then they just, the whole season dissolves in the midst of this, and then by the time the fall comes back, if we hope things start happening and you've got mayhem with all these different events that weren't supposed to be happening, uh, that like, whether it's the Derby or the masters or all and then football and the NBA and Stanley Cup, all that stuff's happening. Like people are just going to say to baseball, Hey man, no one cares. Right. We, we had nothing.

Starting point is 00:46:19 You guys could have filled the void. You didn't cause your fault about money. Now we've got all this other stuff. Have fun being over there and us not caring about it. Yeah. Yeah. I had one more question about something that I saw last weekend. It was right after the match was over between tiger and Phil and it was the tiger slam documentary

Starting point is 00:46:38 that came out on the golf channel. Uh, were you surprised at how many people tweeted at you and we're like, Hey, Scott, you used to have hair. No, it's a, it's a common, um, it's a common tweet that I get anytime, anything of the old days with me with hair surfaces. And I'm always baffled by the premise of that tweet as if this is how I've looked my entire existence. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:47:05 There's a little cat. There's little cat pictures. There's a little PFC pictures, like little elementary school, fourth grade, wherever, just looking like, you know, didn't have the long hair or whatever. Didn't have the, the mustache or whatever the, I was always this height though. Yeah. You were born that way. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:47:20 Just came out of the wound five, nine and a half. That must have been a hell of a labor. My mom is it. She's a tough lady. Yeah. It does. A warrior understood. But no, it's, it's always the same thing.

Starting point is 00:47:30 It's holy shit. Van Pelt used to have hair. I'm like, yep. I actually did. And there was a time when it was rather luxurious. Yeah. Like someone even say like, like, you know, borderline hot, maybe not borderline, maybe like just full hot.

Starting point is 00:47:42 But you know, things have changed. Do you ever, do you ever dream and in the dream you have hair? I don't, I can't remember. I don't, I isn't dreaming like, like when you're in the video game, like, you know, in the video game, when they show like those incredible vistas, but really when you play the game, you don't see them because you see them through the eyes of the person. Like it's, it's in the game. Do you know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 00:48:04 Yeah. Like in the dream, you don't see yourself because you're looking through your own eyes. Yeah. But maybe you cut yourself in the rear of your mirror and your Porsche, you know, going down the 101. No, I don't think that's, that's never, I typically, if I'm in a car, I typically don't look up and, and, and to the right because if I do, I could see Peter North, you know, it's like,

Starting point is 00:48:23 Yeah, that's true. Good point. An old, an old, an old wound. I have a feeling you don't dream. Is that what you're saying? You don't have dreams? No, no. I think I have dreams, but I don't seem, I don't, I don't know if, big cat, I don't

Starting point is 00:48:35 know if I have hair in my dreams. That's the easiest answer I have. I'm really just like trying to psychoanalyze you right now. Would there be a, your teeth ever falling out in a dream? Oh, that's an easy, yeah. All the time. That's like a very common one. That means that you're,

Starting point is 00:48:47 Yeah, that means that you can't get a boner. I mean, I've heard that other people have it. Hank, Hank has that dream all the time. What about, you know, it'd be a sick rumor to start really taking a left from my accusations of you cheating on a video game to infertility. You know, it'd be a sick rumor to start that whole other deal. Yeah. If you, if the rumor got out there that you were like John Clayton and that you had a ponytail

Starting point is 00:49:13 that just came like right out of the base of the back of your head, that would be a really cool rumor about you. If I did, I'd whip it around at the end of every show. Like that'd be my sign off. Like that just to let everybody know. We, you know what I mean? Like we'd get to the end and like I would Carol Burnett, wait a hundred years ago, kids. Just, you don't even know if she used to touch her ear.

Starting point is 00:49:31 I think that was her thing. I could just get to the end and I'd whip it around. Like I was in like, I don't know, a great ska band. Yes. Do you ever feel bad that you made Stanford Steve shave his head because you didn't want to be the only bald guy? Now he was, he, like you guys, neither one of you ever can have to deal with this, but he was just on the same sort of, he was on the same flight plan as me.

Starting point is 00:49:51 Yeah. I was his ultimate final destination. So he just said, all right, the hell with it. It's like winning a sorority with somebody and they all, they all link up on their cycle. Yeah. You guys just made sure and then you got Racilla in it too when he used to have hair and now he's, you know, well he's still hanging on. Is baldness contagious?

Starting point is 00:50:06 Yeah. If you, if you shake Scott Van Pelt, Scott Van Pelt's hand, you lose your hair. Did you just compare me and Stanford Steve to girls in a sorority that have the same cycle? Yeah. You guys are linking up on your, on your hair cycle. That's what happened. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:50:21 Man. That's exactly what happened. I should have just ignored, I should have just ignored this. Yeah. I was ready to take ownership of some things, but not everything. You knew this was coming because I saw too many tweets about it. I haven't had a chance to listen yet, but I will, I will go, I will go listen as we, yes I will.

Starting point is 00:50:37 I'm going to listen to it on the way home tonight. We do have to now, people are going to badger us till we play a game against each other. So we'll figure out, I don't know how, whatever, we'll do it eventually. We'll do something. Yeah. Whatever. We'll, we'll play. Somebody can film it and they can tell people what happened to them, you know.

Starting point is 00:50:55 You also have all, you have all the film on me. So that's, that's an issue as well. Like as soon as I do the roll out. And there's that, there's that one roll to the right and throw it to the back out of the back. We're going to, we're going to, we've seen, we've seen that play on tape quite a bit. I might not score. We're good there.

Starting point is 00:51:13 I might not score. All right. Well, Scott, thank you as always. I appreciate it. Even though you did accuse me of cheating, it's called coaching. Try it sometime. Maybe stop taking shortcuts with your team and good luck tonight against Auburn in the national title.

Starting point is 00:51:26 Right? Yep. Yep. We're, we're excited about that. I'll make sure to let you know how that goes. And again, my guys are, are absolutely juiced just, just new, my guys are nuclear toxic juice, juice bar guys. That's what they are.

Starting point is 00:51:40 But we're going to, we're going to try to win the Natty and bring it back to College Park. Let's go to Bentley. All right. Love it. All right. Talk to you later, man. See you, Scott.

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Starting point is 00:53:40 Okay, we now welcome on recurring guest, Ryan Lochte. Ryan, thank you for joining us as always. Good to talk to you. So you're in Gainesville right now. What's going on in Ryan Lochte's life? I feel like we haven't heard from you from a little bit, so we need to get an update. What's going on? Are you still swimming at all?

Starting point is 00:54:01 What's on the horizon? Yes, yes. Well, my biggest goal is definitely making my fifth Olympics. So I was hoping it was going to be this summer, but of course, all this craziness, it got pushed back a year, but that is still my goal. So I'm still training and just another year of training. So that's basically what I'm doing and just being a dad and a husband. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:54:27 Were you bummed out that it got postponed or do you see that extra year as like, hey, this is another year for me to get in better shape? Well, in the beginning, when I first found out about it on the news, I mean, I was a little disappointed. I mean, I was training so hard, I was ready. I was doing things in practice that I've never seen before. I was going faster. So I was like, this was my time.

Starting point is 00:54:51 Like I knew I was ready, and then we found out and I was just bummed. But then I had to look at the positive side and I mean, I get another year of training to get stronger, to work on my technique even more, to tune up something. So hopefully it will be better for me. Yeah. Are you training right now? Are you able to train right now? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:55:18 Okay. Yeah. So we, yeah, we have a pool on, which is amazing because a lot of people in the country and world, they don't have a pool right now. So yeah, and doing the workouts in my garage and everything. So I'm still doing everything I can to stay fit and, you know, just waiting until all this is over. I've always, I've always loved stories about Olympic swimmers diets.

Starting point is 00:55:46 What diet are you eating right now? Like what's your craziest cheat day? Every Friday. Every Friday since I was a little kid, I have pizza and wings. Nice. Yeah. So that is definitely my cheat day. Okay.

Starting point is 00:56:00 What is, wait, is Phelps officially retired? Have you talked to him at all? Yeah. He's officially retired. But? There is no but. Oh. Okay.

Starting point is 00:56:13 I mean, that's all I got. That's all I know that he's retired and he's like loving life, just being a dad and everything. So. Hmm. So no but on that. Okay. We had a fun interview with last time you came in. That was what, like two years ago?

Starting point is 00:56:28 Yeah. I think something like two years ago, but we didn't get to ask you the question that I had circled in my notebook that I wanted to ask you. So I have to bring it up now. Your dog, very good boy. It was Carter, right? That was the name of your, of your pup. Your dog turned eight years old for three consecutive years on Twitter.

Starting point is 00:56:47 Three years in a row, three years in a row on October 23rd. You wish Carter a happy eighth birthday. Do you want to clarify that? Like is he, is it a magic dark that doesn't age? That was my fault. It wasn't Carter's fault. No. He was, he was born in October 23rd, 2008.

Starting point is 00:57:09 Okay. Yes. Okay. But he, he passed away about, I'd say about four or five months ago. I'm sorry. Fuck. Yeah. We'll celebrate his eighth birthday again this October 23rd in his honor.

Starting point is 00:57:26 Yeah. Keep the memory going. Thank you. Carter, thank you. Yes. Our, our intern is probably the biggest fan, Ryan Lochte fan in the world and we asked him to send us some questions. So can we fire off some questions from our intern Billy football?

Starting point is 00:57:41 You got him. His first question was how far can you swim underwater and he threw in, I can swim 50 yards and I passed out. I was trying to be a Navy SEAL 100 yards. You can. Yeah. Not 110. I was pushing it.

Starting point is 00:57:56 Okay. I was pushing it. Yes. That's insane. When was the last time you did that? A long time ago when I was younger, how long, how long can you stay underwater if you're not moving? I don't know, maybe about five minutes.

Starting point is 00:58:11 Holy shit. You're like a dolphin. Holy shit. That's crazy. That's crazy. Billy wanted to know what's your favorite type of pool solution, chlorinated, salted? Chlorinated. Okay.

Starting point is 00:58:23 Okay. So cross off salted. I noticed he didn't put brackish in there. That's true. He didn't. Brackish water sucks. Yeah. He says, do you think chlorine does brain damage?

Starting point is 00:58:32 I know your hair has turned green from chlorine before. Have you thought about what it does to your brain? I don't think that Billy knows that you don't swim with your brain exposed to water. Yeah. I mean, as a swimmer, you do swallow chlorine water, but I don't think it affects your brain at all. Okay. He asks, what do you listen to while swimming?

Starting point is 00:58:52 Nothing. Okay. No, he said before swimming. No, I know. I made him look stupid. He said before swimming, but I made him look stupid. What do you listen to before swimming? Before swimming, any kind of hip hop?

Starting point is 00:59:02 I love hip hop. My favorite artist is Lil Wayne. Okay. Okay. What are your dry land workouts? I saw you drag a tire with chains once. Yes. So that was back in the day I was doing like strongman workouts, just something different,

Starting point is 00:59:19 but right now it's just a lot of Olympic lifting and a lot of core exercises. This one's a little tough, but I'm going to ask it. He wants to know, would you have sex with a mermaid for an Olympian child for America, of course? Yeah. If the mermaid was my wife, I'd love to. Okay. Let's just say your wife says, hey, Ryan, I know you have to have sex with this mermaid

Starting point is 00:59:45 so that we can win every gold medal ever. Would you do it? I think she'd be inclined to take one for the team. Okay. All right. So yes, that's a yes if we can ever find a mermaid. All right. Here's another tricky one.

Starting point is 00:59:57 Billy wants to know about the Olympic Village. There's always a news story that comes out where they say, oh, there are 50,000 condoms that got delivered to the Olympic Village. Billy says, would you trust those condoms, or do you think that they are defective on purpose so that they can create more Olympians? Stay woke. Wow. Now that you brought it up, I don't even know.

Starting point is 01:00:20 I think I'd have to go, they're safe because they're just trying to be safe for every make everything possible, like just safe environment. So safe. All right. This one is actually my question, but it's kind of in the Billy vein. All the swimming teams you've been on, Florida, the Olympics, how many people have you swam with that had webtoes? I don't think any.

Starting point is 01:00:47 That seems like it would be illegal. I've got one webtoe. You do? My middle two toes on my right foot. They're halfway webbed. They don't go all the way to the end. That doesn't count. I'm talking about an actual web.

Starting point is 01:00:56 I mean, I'll show you. I'll show you. It's kind of freaky. All right. All right. These right here. Let me see. Wait, no.

Starting point is 01:01:05 Turn it to me. Yeah. These two. No, dude. That's a regular looking toe. I got roasted online for my feet. Oh, it's a little webbed angle. Yeah, it's webbed.

Starting point is 01:01:13 But it's not webbed to the point where like you connect it and you can. You should be able to swim. You should become a swimmer. I should. I should try to swim. Okay. This one is from our other intern, Jake. He said, I'm not Billy, but would be cool to get his thoughts, stories from being on

Starting point is 01:01:26 Florida campus in 2007 with Tebow, Hernandez, Pounties, Alphorford, Cam Newton, and Dan Bilzerian. I knew all of them. Really? He said Dan Brazilian. Yeah. He probably wasn't there. He probably lied about that too.

Starting point is 01:01:42 So wait, did you hang out with all of them? No, not really because, I mean, the swimmers, we were just like all the swimmers were really close and we kind of just hung out with the other swimmers. But yeah, I mean, you'd see them around on campus and just say, hey, what's up? Yeah, everyone's really nice. Would you ever be like, it's so sweet how you guys can do literally anything, even including like against the law things and then Urban Meyer will save you? I see.

Starting point is 01:02:15 I don't know that. Okay. All right. Yeah. That's a good question though by me. Yeah. Did you ever see Tim Tebow stay in the night over at a girls house? No.

Starting point is 01:02:24 Oh. Yeah. Okay. We have a fun game that we wanted to play with you. It's called. How do you say? Are we still saying Ja? Ja.

Starting point is 01:02:32 No. All that stuff was a long time ago. Oh, fuck. I like what the game was Ja or no Ja. So I guess Ja is no Ja. It's no Ja. And you're saying it wrong. It's Gia.

Starting point is 01:02:46 So Gia is no Gia. We're not no Gia, but if you want to play the game, we can play it. Okay. You want to play the game? Yeah. So you just list some things. You tell me if it's a Gia or no Gia. Yep.

Starting point is 01:03:00 Doing chores. No Gia. Moving. No Gia. It's also a chore. Well, that's what I'm trying to do. Beers with the boys. Gia.

Starting point is 01:03:10 Gia. Call a duty. Gia. Okay. Mumford and Sons. No Gia. No Gia. Oh, fuck.

Starting point is 01:03:18 Sublime. Sublime? Yeah. Gia. Gia. Gia. It's a half Gia. It's a Gia.

Starting point is 01:03:26 Okay. Snorkeling. Gia. Okay. Family guy. Gia. Yeah. It's a solid Gia.

Starting point is 01:03:34 Hamburgers. Gia. Okay. All right. Pizza and Buffalo Wings. Gia. Gia. Gia.

Starting point is 01:03:42 Gia. Gia. Gia. Gia. Gia. Gia. Gia. Gia.

Starting point is 01:03:50 Gia. Gia. Okay. What's the, what's the most you've swam in a day? Ooh, the most I swam in a day was probably about 14,000 meters. Which is? So, um, well, 1,500 is one mile. So.

Starting point is 01:04:11 Almost a mile. 6.12. Oh, no, that's 10 miles. 9 miles. 6 miles? 4 to 8. 14. How?

Starting point is 01:04:20 6 and a half? 6 and a half? How many meters? 14,000. 14,000 meters equals miles. That feels about right. Excuse me. I feel like it's somewhere between.

Starting point is 01:04:32 8.6 miles. Damn. 8. There you go. Holy shit. And were you tired? Oh, 100%. Okay.

Starting point is 01:04:40 Yeah. All right. So you are human. Yeah. What, what, what mile marker were you tired, were you tired after 7? Um, I'd probably say around, no, no, like probably around 5 or 6. Okay. Jesus Christ.

Starting point is 01:04:53 You just kept going. That's insane. I just kept going. I said, screw it. Are you ever bored when you're swimming? No. Really? No.

Starting point is 01:05:01 What do you think about? Yeah. I mean, I don't really think about much while I'm swimming. Um, but I love racing and that's why I'm still swimming now. So you can race all the time in practice. You race the other guys and then you can talk shit to them afterwards if you beat them or anything like that. So.

Starting point is 01:05:19 What about, uh, have you ever thought about doing high diving in the Olympics? No way. Why? Uh, I just, nope. Okay. All right. I mean, I'm not afraid of heights. Sounds like you are.

Starting point is 01:05:34 No, it's just, I mean, I can jump, jump off the high dive. That's about it. I ain't doing no flips or anything. Okay. I've always wondered, you know, that little shower that they let the divers hang out in, in between dives? They just like kind of go stand under water for a while. Why do they do that?

Starting point is 01:05:48 They go stand in a faucet. I don't even know. Yeah. And then the hot tubs. They're the little hot tubs. Yeah. They have hot tubs. Maybe it's, uh, to keep warm.

Starting point is 01:05:57 I have no idea. Um, have you ever thought about playing water pool? The pool is, the pool is cold. Yeah. Have you ever thought about playing water polo? I played for just like a intramural, like just for like shits and giggles. And were you good? No.

Starting point is 01:06:12 I was good at like when you start like swimming out to the ball. Yeah. Right. At the start. Yeah. Anything else? Not so good. What about, what about handball?

Starting point is 01:06:23 Have you ever played handball? Nope. Never played. All right. Well, you can play on our team if you want. Yeah. We're, we're putting together an Olympic team for it. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:06:31 Oh. Yeah. Right. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a big Gia.

Starting point is 01:06:39 Yeah. Big Gia. Huge Gia. Handball. Is there, is there like one endurance sport that you would be shockingly bad at? Running. Really? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:06:47 No. No running. No. I have bad knees that I wouldn't make it past a mile. Wow. All right. Do you have any questions for us? No.

Starting point is 01:06:57 Yeah. That was a, that was a fucked up question by me. That was kind of, there's a curve ball in this interview. What are you, what are you guys up to now during this whole craziness? We're hanging out. Just hanging out. Interviewing Ryan Lochte. Hanging out.

Starting point is 01:07:08 Yeah. I'm playing video games. I whooped up on Florida on Sunday night. No big deal. Oh yeah? Yeah. I played NCAA 14. So.

Starting point is 01:07:19 14. Yeah. That's the last time they made the game. So I whooped up on you guys. No big deal. Yeah. I just play Call of Duty. Oh really?

Starting point is 01:07:27 You should link up with Hank. You should squad up with Hank. You want to play on our channel? Um, I mean, if my kids give me time, I would. Okay. Yeah. We should, Hank's basically a professional. How old is your kid?

Starting point is 01:07:38 Uh, he turns three in about, uh, two weeks. Okay. Are you not, are you sure that's his birthday? Not the Carteran? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. All right.

Starting point is 01:07:49 We should definitely get you to, like, play UFC against Billy. Yes. You're, I mean, he's your biggest fan. Okay. So that would be awesome. Let's do it. Yes. Let's, we'll do it.

Starting point is 01:07:57 All right. I gotta get the game then. Let's squad up. Well, Ryan, thank you so much, man. This is, uh, you're always welcome on. We appreciate you joining us. Yes. Thank you for having me.

Starting point is 01:08:05 Yeah. Let's squad up, play some video games. Hey, you got it. All right. Love it, man. All right. Have a good one. Good luck with everything, man.

Starting point is 01:08:13 All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.

Starting point is 01:10:29 All right. All right. All right. Okay. All right. God. Here. All right.

Starting point is 01:10:39 ο Hae Won ρ ρ ρ ρ ρ

Starting point is 01:10:57 ρ ρ ρ ρ Mount Flushmore of car accessories. Okay. I see a dude with truck nuts. He is 100% a douche bag.

Starting point is 01:11:08 Unless he's in Real Bros. of CME Valley. Shout out our friend Jimmy Tatechero. See, I would say the truck nuts can be hilarious. No. The truck nuts are very funny. In an irony poisoning way. In an irony poisoning way. So this is where I struggled a little bit with this

Starting point is 01:11:25 because I sat and I thought would be on my Mount Rushmore of car accessories. Not even you. I just put them out of my Flushmore. Not even you who has maybe been poisoned by irony a time or two in his life would put on truck nuts. I would not. Right.

Starting point is 01:11:37 So there you go. You wouldn't because you know that like, also if you have truck nuts, I'm pretty sure that if you get in a road rage you have to try to kill the other person. Oh yeah. It means like let's fight. Right.

Starting point is 01:11:49 It means let's fucking go. Hank, you should get truck nuts for your wheelies. Your wheelies. That would be cool. Now that would be funny. One set of nuts. Truck nuts for your car. On each foot, yeah.

Starting point is 01:11:56 Yeah. Okay, next Hank. All right, I had a completely different, I don't know, I was misconfused by this Mount Rushmore. I will go with the family bumper stickers. Yep. Okay. Good one.

Starting point is 01:12:08 Great one. Also, I'm gonna give you the whole like family of the family bumper stickers because you also have the whole industry of people who have family bumper stickers that make fun of the family bumper stickers but they don't realize they're also douchebags. Like the people who have like all their dogs

Starting point is 01:12:24 or it's like a, it's like an AK-47, a grenade launcher. Like, yeah, but you also stink. A family of weapons, yeah. Yeah, so good one. Yeah, I saw a family bumper sticker where the dad was doing CrossFit as his stick figure. Right, right. So just so you know, I work out,

Starting point is 01:12:40 my family's not in as good shape as I am. My family's sad. Yeah, yeah. Okay, good one. Philip Rivers has one that just goes across his entire back window. It's the entirety of the car. It is literally the car.

Starting point is 01:12:51 My first one is gonna be beaded seat covers. They're so uncomfortable. Good one, yep. So seat covers in general are designed to be comfortable to make you feel better. I don't know who sits down on beaded seat covers and isn't immediately like this sucks. It feels like I'm sitting down on like a hundred

Starting point is 01:13:06 little turtles. It's awful. It makes you so much more uncomfortable. Yep, good one, good one. My next one, my next one is going to be an ox cord that doesn't reach the back seats. An ox cord that is like a foot two feet long and only the person in the front can blow up the car.

Starting point is 01:13:23 But isn't that the whole point? Only limiting, no because a lot of times it's your car. A lot of times the people that sit in the back seat have the better mixed tapes than the people that sit on the car. Right, but if it's your car, you're like, I wanna listen to my music.

Starting point is 01:13:36 No, but then if you don't wanna listen to your music, you only have one person next to you. Yeah, I agree, but I'm just saying, I could see how that could be like, hey, I don't want anyone else playing music in my car. It's kind of psychotic. Yeah, it is, I agree. I'm just saying.

Starting point is 01:13:49 But yeah, okay. I like beaded seat covers. That one's so bad. They suck. That's so, so bad. Hank, your pick. In interior lights that go underneath your car. Yeah, yeah, neon underglow.

Starting point is 01:14:05 The underbelly. Good one. The interior can be kind of badass, maybe potentially kind of like truck nuts, but somewhat like if you have a sick car with some sick neon underlights, kind of cool. I think. Some chicks might like that.

Starting point is 01:14:18 If you have it on the inside, there's no point. Yeah, I would say if we're relating it to which type of person would do the truck nuts versus the underbelly, I would say Jason Kelsey probably has truck nuts. Travis Kelsey probably has the neon light under his car. All right, my next one will be, I'll go with, I'll go with the,

Starting point is 01:14:43 oh, how about the exhaust muffler that is tricked out to be the loudest thing in the entire world. And you can hear you coming from a million miles away and you are a great day douchebag. Yeah, I never really understood that one. It's insane. I think it's just to warn daughters, parents,

Starting point is 01:14:59 like don't let your daughter out the door if this pulls up outside. It's also crazy when it's on a car that like doesn't have that big of an engine. That's actually my favorite. When it's a Honda Civic SI. Right, right. But I expanded the muffler.

Starting point is 01:15:10 And then this one's gonna be a little rare, but I'm sure you guys have seen it. The front lights eyelashes, psycho move. That's usually like, Well, fellas, you see, you know, a VW bug throw the eyelashes on, have probably own at least three pugs. Like the Venn diagram for pug ownership

Starting point is 01:15:32 and eyelashes on your car is a big circle. And yeah, probably living a life alone. And your car is your like partner. It's the female equivalent of having the mustache that goes across the grill. It's kind of the female equivalent of Chuck Nuts. It's like the something's not right with you. Here's me announcing it to the entire world.

Starting point is 01:15:52 So we don't even have to have a conversation. You can just see me pull in and I'll notice they away. Yeah, very bad accessory. Be careful of those people. I feel like especially like when you have like the school board meeting. Yeah. When that person shows up, it's a problem.

Starting point is 01:16:06 Can I throw a flag on what you said a second ago about the pugs? I feel like the pugs, that's more of a, what's the old Honda element? The boxy Honda SUV. Oh, but you could put a eyelash on that. I would say that it's more of a cat car if you have the eyelashes on the front.

Starting point is 01:16:24 It's like you own five cats if you have those. Yeah, well, five cats and three pugs are kind of the same. Yeah, they're equivalent. They're very equivalent. All right, Hank, your pick. I will go with lifted tires. If you lift your tires, is that an accessory? Yeah, we'll count that.

Starting point is 01:16:42 But what if you have a small penis? See this one, I was honestly thinking, like car accessories, I was thinking things that come with your car, like the check engine light. Fuck the check engine light. Yeah, that's a feature. Yeah, I guess I was thinking car accessories. I don't know, I guess.

Starting point is 01:16:56 No, that can count though. The lifted tires, like lifting up a car. I would say lifting up a car that doesn't need to be lifted if you never drive off-road. Yes, absolutely counts. All right, my next one, I'm gonna go with a big ass spoiler on a car that can't go over 80 miles an hour. Having that big thing weighing it down in the back,

Starting point is 01:17:16 it's like it makes it look like your car could race. And I'm sure that the person that has that spoiler also has the modified muffler. To be like, yeah, my car might not be fast, but it's certainly loud. Not at the same time though, because it's like you gotta do the payment plan for the muffler and then the payment plan for the spoilers.

Starting point is 01:17:32 Yes. Okay, your last pick, PFT. My last one. I'm gonna go with a radio that changes colors all the time. Because it's so distracting. Remember the radios that the CD player that you would take with you so couldn't get stolen? You'd take the face with you,

Starting point is 01:17:52 you'd lock it in your glove compartment. Yep, Hank doesn't remember that. Yeah, that was old school. But that's when you got an aftermarket one put in at like Best Buy and it cost you 250 bucks and you spent all your money on it. So you're like, I'm gonna take this into class with me and you just walk around with that in your book bag.

Starting point is 01:18:06 You should be happy, Hank, that you've just kind of lived a life of Bluetooth because it used to be, I had the fucking tape deck box. Yes, the tape deck. The tape deck would be my whole life. Go into the CD player. And I had the one that you had the tuner.

Starting point is 01:18:22 You had to tune it and that sucked. That one was awful. I remember one time I was driving, I think I was actually driving to UMass and it's like in the middle of nowhere and my tuner wasn't working and all of a sudden I got caught. There must have been another group of kids that were also driving to UMass on this long road

Starting point is 01:18:36 and I got onto their frequency and I just tailgated them for like 20 miles because I could hear their music. You just moved off their music. I like that. So you could potentially get into like a battle with somebody and force your music onto their stereo. That'd be pretty sick too.

Starting point is 01:18:50 It's like going to your neighbor's house with the universal remote and changing their channel through the window. Yeah, yeah. Wait, no, that was yours. I do think that Hank's right though about the tape deck ox sounding so crystal clear. To me, the tape deck ox that was hooked up to your disc man

Starting point is 01:19:07 sounds clearer than plugging in an ox cord to your iPhone right now. Science will never reach that level of sophistication that we had in the year, what, 2001, 2002 when we developed that? Yes. Car seats. If you don't have a kid,

Starting point is 01:19:20 those things are real bitch to deal with. And anyone- Why would you have one if you- Well, no, but it's like on my mount much more of car accessories. Hank will never get a car seat if he doesn't have a kid. Hank's on record. And even like when you're with people that have kids

Starting point is 01:19:37 and you're like, oh. Look at me when you say it. Like look at me. No, this is a general thing. Just look at me. This is a general thing, like oh, and then all of a sudden it's like, oh, well, you have to factor in the car seat.

Starting point is 01:19:44 You're literally describing the first time we got in my car after I installed that car seat. No, no, that's a general- Look at me, look at me. That's something that's happened to me many times in my life. I'm sorry that I want my son to live. If I ever got God forbid in a car accident, just look at me. You just had, yeah.

Starting point is 01:19:58 No, that was just a general one. It is a top thing that people that have kids bitch about all the time. It sucks. I can't go over and pick you up. My car seat's there. It's a great excuse to get out of driving places. It sucks.

Starting point is 01:20:10 It sucks. All right, my last one. Do you think anyone puts a car seat in their car that doesn't have a kid just so that they can get out of a speeding ticket or something like that? Sorry, I'm tired of that kid. Or does not have to carpool? Although they'd probably be like,

Starting point is 01:20:24 eventually you don't have a kid. Do you have a child? Yeah, yeah, you don't have a kid. Okay, my last one. Oh, how about some good old fashion? What the fuck did I write down here? What the fuck did I? Oh, how about some good old fashion like racing stripes?

Starting point is 01:20:42 Or if you want to get even crazier with it, have you ever seen like the fake bullet holes or whatever kind of sticker you put on the inside? Yeah, the flames, the racing stripes. Any sticker on your car is so insane. Yeah, I mean, what you've been describing is like, your car that you've put together with your Mount Flushmore is just the world's biggest puddle of mud fan.

Starting point is 01:21:04 Yeah, slash like the shittiest weed you could ever buy would be from this guy. Yes, yeah. It's gonna give you a headache and you take one hit, you don't get high, you throw up. Well, no. You apparently call the cops on yourself. No, there's two, there's the guy who's gonna sell you it.

Starting point is 01:21:18 He's got the muffler, the truck nuts, and the racing stripes, and then Karen will pull up with the eyelashes and call the cops on you. Yeah, yeah. So I've just, that's a really bad scene I've painted. Any others that we missed? Yeah, I mean, Calvin pissing on anything? Yes.

Starting point is 01:21:35 I don't like that. Yes, I'd agree with that. Any bumper sticker that's trying to make a real statement, the piece one, it's like, come on, man. Yeah, the co-exist one. Yeah, the co-exist one. And then you combine that with it's like Redneck Cousin, the co-exist one that's just a bunch of weapons.

Starting point is 01:21:49 Yeah. Where the O is like a hand grenade. Yeah, that one's bad. I respect any bumper sticker, though, that's like this car climbed, because that's not easy. That's cool. That's a hard feat.

Starting point is 01:21:57 I also think like, holy shit, that car really did go off the car. That car's seen some stuff. Yeah. The 13.1 bumper sticker's bad. If you put the half marathon bumper sticker on the back, that's an issue. I actually think there's a new number one leader

Starting point is 01:22:13 when it comes to distances that's way worse, the 0.0. I think that's the lamest. That one used to be funny. Yeah, now it's lame. Now it's lame. Now it's so lame. It's like, okay, that's actually, it's kind of similar to the offshoot family ones

Starting point is 01:22:26 that are making fun of the original family one. The 0.0 is now worse than the half mile. Yeah, so we got a half marathon. So what's next, 0.5? Yeah, or it's probably gonna be like, they're probably gonna have a play on like, or like, you know, it's gonna be like 2.0 beers or potato chips or something like that.

Starting point is 01:22:47 Blood alcohol content, 0.08, that's the next one. That'll be a real hoot. What about? Fluffy steering wheel, bobble heads in the front. So fluffy steering wheel, I can go either way on because if it's a van, then it's cool. But if it's not, then it's lame. The no fat chick sticker, that's a bad one.

Starting point is 01:23:09 The skull that's on top of a gear shift, but it's an automatic car that you're driving, not a manual. Any type of, yeah. Yeah, that one's pretty bad too. Yeah, either way, we should just make like a Frankenstein car and just have all of these things. That's what Elon Musk should do for his next car.

Starting point is 01:23:26 Instead of having a car that's very easy to throw a brick through. Upcharge it, yeah. Yeah, be like, hey, all the accessories. Look, I'll put six antenna balls on the front of your car. Bring it all in. All right, let's finish our show. We got FAQs.

Starting point is 01:23:39 We gotta come up with a documentary to watch for next week. What about that sour grapes one? Oh yeah, sour grapes, yeah. The one where the guy defrauds a bunch of stuff. Liam, it's your job. You have to remind us sour grapes sometime next week. Before Thursday, you have to remind us, watch sour grapes. Hank's going on vacation.

Starting point is 01:23:56 I've been getting into the Jeffrey Epstein documentary that just came out on Netflix. We will not be discussing that because that will just make you think the worst of everybody. Yeah, yeah. All right, Hank, finish the show with some FAQs. Are you guys ever nervous about saying you hate someone on air when there's a chance you could have that person on

Starting point is 01:24:16 as a guest in the future? Ooh, let's pick somebody that we haven't had on to say that we hate right now. We might not even hate him, but let's just pick some. This will be a good way to get a dialogue on the internet that we can then convert into having our guest book or Leroy invite them on the show. So who's one celebrity?

Starting point is 01:24:33 Chrissy Teigen. We've tried. Lord knows we've tried with Chrissy Teigen. No, usually though, to answer the question, I don't, I think it's funnier when you just admit it. Like, hey, here's some tweets I said. But let's think, okay, so who? Who's active on social media?

Starting point is 01:24:51 Thinking the sports world, football, Wade Phillips. Yeah, fuck you, Wade Phillips. I hate Wade Phillips. And you know what? I don't think that he'd ever even do an interview. No, he's too pussy. He's, you know who would do an interview? His dad.

Starting point is 01:25:07 I'm dressed like his dad right now. Rest in peace. All right, P, I love bum Phillips. Yep, he would definitely man up and do an interview, but Wade, no way. Do people forget that you used to have a segment called People Forget That? People forget?

Starting point is 01:25:18 No, I guess people don't because they... Oh, this person. Yeah. Yeah, they just said that they didn't. People don't forget it. Yeah, people don't forget that. I feel like that's probably a good amount of people that are like, oh shit.

Starting point is 01:25:26 By the way, is there an FAQ about what today is? Nope. Do you know what today is? I know what today is. Today is the anniversary of something very important. But we can't, it's not funny yet. Right. That guy, did you see the guy who treated me?

Starting point is 01:25:42 Asking if it's funny to make a round of a joke. It's like, nope, check back next year. Was having a debate with a friend. Would you guys rather be sweating inside during peak summer with no AC or freezing inside with no heat during peak winter? Freezing inside. Oh, I don't know, dude.

Starting point is 01:25:56 Have you ever had, have you ever had your heat die? Yeah, you can always layer up. I, do you haven't had your heat die then? I've had my heat die before. In a cold weather city. In a pretty cold weather environment, yeah. I had my heat die in Chicago when it was 10 degrees out and you cannot, like, you can't move.

Starting point is 01:26:14 It gets so, so cold inside. It was like 51 degrees. It's like 51 degrees in Texas, which is the equivalent of negative 15 in Chicago. No, it's, I would, if I hadn't gone through that, I would not, I would not answer it that way because I am a big believer in like, I'd rather be cold than hot, but it was like,

Starting point is 01:26:32 you couldn't do anything. The only bad part about. Three space heaters in a small bedroom and it still was freezing. I'm going to agree with you in the fact that, like the worst part about being hot is the sweat, just sitting in your apartment sweating everywhere. That sucks.

Starting point is 01:26:45 If it's super cold, you layer up and you still get the sweat a little bit, but it's also cold on all the exposed parts. When it gets so cold. And this might be just me talking as somebody that does not currently have an air conditioner and it was like 80 degrees last weekend. And that was, that was miserable right there.

Starting point is 01:27:02 Yeah, but you can also, I think if you, it sucks to be that hot with no AC, but you also, I think there's a level of like, once you start sweating and you're like, you know what? This is it. Like I'm going to, I'm going to basically wear nothing. Like I'm going to wear, you know, a small t-shirt, take off my t-shirt,

Starting point is 01:27:18 wear some shorts, no underwear. You can almost like figure it out. The part I like about the cold is anytime it's like bone chilling cold in your apartment, it takes you, you become bare grills, versus man versus wild. So you're like, you're envisioning yourself trapped in the outdoors.

Starting point is 01:27:33 You're like, I'm going to create a nest using every blanket in my house. And you feel like you're a survivor man. Right. What was the most average interview you have ever done? Average interview. That's a very good question. I would say.

Starting point is 01:27:47 This is kind of a mean thing, right? An average interview. Why would there not be an average? Nothing. Average interview. Spam call. Average interview. Tell us an average.

Starting point is 01:28:01 David Spade. Average. Yeah. Yeah, he, you could tell, I'd say the average interviews are the ones where it's a press tour and they don't, they're like on like stop four of nine. You can't really get, it's a very hard thing to do. What would you say Hank?

Starting point is 01:28:23 I kind of agree with what Pickats has. Press interviews, if there's like a time constraint where it's like 20 minutes. I like Jim Gaffigan was pretty average. Yep. It was like, yeah, it was good. Like it was fun cause I like him, but it was like, yeah. It's Pete Holmes.

Starting point is 01:28:37 Like the guys that aren't the best guys three that are like, but they're big, big names. Pete Holmes laughed at our joke. So that's above average. He was an awesome interview. Yeah, he was so cool. He thought we were funny. I love that guy.

Starting point is 01:28:47 When each of you were growing up, what did you think your career was going to be? Firefighter. Baseball player. Same. Yeah. Which one? Baseball player.

Starting point is 01:28:57 Oh, I thought you were saying. No. You got little Danny Watkins. Yeah, I guess I don't, maybe a police officer. Batman actually is really the answer. Batman, Batman is definitely the answer. Batman or Raphael. I was not gonna.

Starting point is 01:29:11 Those were my two career choices. I wasn't gonna be a bad guy. Yeah. I was gonna be a good guy. No, I was gonna catch bad guys. I was definitely, I was definitely on the path to be Batman. If your dog killed the family cat and you were the first to see it,

Starting point is 01:29:24 would you cover up the crime for your dog and act like you don't know where the cat is? Absolutely. Absolutely. Man's best friend. What? Did Jax write this? Is this kitten okay?

Starting point is 01:29:37 I think that's his second cat. I didn't know about that. I would absolutely cover up, yeah. Well, let's call him. We'll call him, I'll ask him. Listen, if you don't reciprocate the best friend relationship to your dog, then you're no better than a cat. All right, we'll call, let's see, from the man himself.

Starting point is 01:29:56 He always picks up. If he doesn't pick up, I'm gonna be very disappointed. Hello, Daniel. Jax, you're on part of my take right now. I said you always pick up, so thank you for that. We have a hypothetical, an FAQ, that got asked, and I just randomly selected to call you just to see what you would think.

Starting point is 01:30:19 If your family dog killed your family cat and you were the first to find it, would you cover up the crime? This is so fucked up. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Wait, do you know that this is a real story that happened? Yes, I didn't. I honestly didn't, Hank didn't.

Starting point is 01:30:38 I just, when Hank said it, I whispered and I was like, well, like Uncle Chaps? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. You just got put on the shit list by my wife, so bad, by your dad, there. Well, what did you do? You still laughing. What did you do?

Starting point is 01:30:53 I'm laughing because I'm nervous. What did you do? What did you do? Did you cover it up? I can't tell you, she's sitting right here. I can't say that I put- What's the heaven? Okay, heaven.

Starting point is 01:31:04 All right, so the answer's heaven. They just went to heaven. So that is the cover up. Well, Hank asked the question and I said, did Chaps write this? He violated my trust tonight, honestly. This is a violation. Well, I mean, I thought, isn't it like,

Starting point is 01:31:22 what's the saying, comedy time? Time plus tragedy equals comedy. It's only been how many? Two years. That's enough time. Well, Harambe is three years. There's never enough. Well, how are you guys doing in the grieving scale?

Starting point is 01:31:38 One to 10. I'm like, I'm getting to accept this. Okay, so maybe next year, can I call you about this? Yeah, I'll call me next year. Okay, goodbye, I love you. That's it. So there you go. The cat goes to heaven.

Starting point is 01:31:54 Yeah, it's horrific. But he didn't cover it up from his whole family. No, he told his whole family. Yeah. Yeah, no, no, it was horrific. I thought you guys knew that. I guess no one knew that. He might've just told me to try.

Starting point is 01:32:04 He might've just violated his trust. And that's what he said. Shit. Well, all right, we'll see you every Monday. Love you guys. Needless to say, I'm upset it's about me It's someone a little weak, so they learn that life is okay Say after me, say after me, say after me, say after me, say after me

Starting point is 01:32:58 It's no better to be safe than zombie Say after me, say after me, say after me, say after me Say after me, say after me, say after me, say after me Things I can say isn't life at all, just to play by the reason why You're all the things I've come to remember, but you're shying away I'll be coming for you anyway Say after me, say after me, say after me, say after me Say after me, say after me, say after me

Starting point is 01:34:50 It's part of my tape presented by Farm Stool Sports

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