Pardon My Take - The 2018 Takie Awards (Feat. Blake Bortles, Mr Portnoy And Paul Bissonnette) + We Started A Beef Between CJ McCollum And Kevin Durant

Episode Date: July 27, 2018

The 2018 Takies are here but first we discuss starting a twitter beef between our friend CJ McCollum and Kevin Durant (3:45-13:16). NFL training camps open and Ryan Tannehill has a knee brace letting us know he's about to take the next step(13:17-18:15). Mt Rushmore of things you love that you lose your mancard over (18:16-29:05).The 2018 Takies. Our Year End (Middle of the year award ceremony). 19 Total Awards given out. Categories include-Rick Reilly Tweet of the year-Burner account of the year-Blake of the year-Lib of the year-Song of the year-Bad Take of the year-Stephen A Smith Take of the year-Podcast listeners of the yearAnd much much more. You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take, we have the 2018 Takey Awards. We have awards for everything, the Rick Riley joke of the year, the bad take of the year, the lib of the year, and of course, the podcast listeners of the year. Before we get to all that, we're going to be doing a little CJ McCollum, Kevin Durant talk.

We have the Mount Rushmore of things we love that get your man card revoked. Hank, should I say it? Do you think? Do you think it's going to be? Contentious. T-Words? Contentious? It might be.

We actually asked a couple ideas from Mount Rushmore, we're like, that one would be a little too contentious. Not yet, and some wouldn't be contentious enough. So it's the Goldilocks principle. Yes, before we get to all of that, Mile 22 showcases a new wave of combat cinema, it's fast paced, visceral, and puts the audience right into the action. Unlike any other theater experience, Peter Berg, director of Loan Survivor, teams up with Mark Wahlberg for a completely original action thrill ride.

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Peter Berg is one of my favorite directors. Marky Mark, I mean, come on, you need Marky Mark in your life. And it's co-starring, Iku Uais, that's a pretty good name. Lauren Cohen, and John Malkovich, and a little someone called Rhonda Rousey, probably heard of her. She's the best women's MMA fighter of all time, maybe, who knows. So it's in theaters August 17th, you can see it in premiere, large format. I think, I'm going to say it right now, boys, we're going to go see this movie together

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Let's go. Welcome to part of my take presented by Seek Geek. Today is Friday, July 27th and it is officially the 2018 Takies. We're coming up with the Takies in a minute. We have every single award that you have been looking forward to, including the podcast listeners of the year award, hopefully someone we know or a lot of people we know, win that award. But before we do that, we got to talk a little bit about how we kind of started a NBA Twitter

booth. Let's give it a gate. It's a, we're calling it gate. Yeah. Open off. I told CJ we were not going to use that word. Begate. The Begate.

Well, I think we can upgrade Kevin Durant officially from baby back. Don't say that word. To bleed those out Hank. To big boy. Okay. Because I gained a little bit of respect for Kevin Durant. Okay. I'll tell you why.

What happened? Yeah. Let me first explain it. Yeah. Yeah. So you guys all know that you, we had CJ McCallum on last month. Awesome guest. Really great interview.

If you didn't listen to an interview, go and listen to it now because it is, he was one of our favorite guests just basically out of nowhere because he came and hung out. We, you know, hadn't talked to him before. And at the end of the interview, we said to him, Hey, CJ, what do you think about Kevin Durant? Because we happened to call him a baby back B. And he said, don't use that word. That's a harsh word. So we came to a truce and said, we'll just call him a pussy.

But then flash forward, Kevin Durant went on CJ McCallum's podcast, slight correction. He went on CJ McCallum's fucking podcast, fucking podcast. He went on his podcast. He then told CJ McCallum to his face. He had no chance of winning the title. I don't think I listened to it. It was actually kind of ingest. But what happened is the internet got involved and it went viral that Kevin Durant was like

dunking on CJ McCallum or, or, you know, talking trash to him or basically owning him. That's what I say as a millennial. So I think what happened was so, so then I, I tweeted it, CJ, who is a friend of ours. I said, Hey, CJ, permission to start using the B word again for Kevin Durant. He didn't reply. He let the momentum of the internet build about eight hours later last night. He tweeted, I still think the B word is harsh and shouldn't be used. He know that decision was soft, but I respect it.

It's like getting jumped with your brothers by a gang you should have beat, then joining the gang that jumped you and your brothers two months later and forgetting about your bros. Kind of sums it up. Well, the often triggered online Kevin Durant replied. So I would get into a gang fight, lose, plot on my brother for two months in our home, and then go get the gang we lost to and beat him up, which actually, yeah, that's, yeah, that's exactly.

Yep. Yep. Uh, you think that low of me, CJ, I just did your fucking podcast snakes in the grass. Boy, I tell you. Well, I mean, it's not like he plotted at home for two months. Let's set the record straight. It would be like if Kevin Durant, uh, got jumped or was beating the crap out of a guy and almost had him knocked out.

Kevin got his ass kicked and then plotted for three months and then joined that gang and then kicked everybody's ass and then talk shit about his old brother on burner accounts when, when he, when he was upset. But I think this is a step in the right direction for KD. He's using his actual account. So that's, hey, plus one for you on that. Also I like seeing, I like when athletes show their real emotions, right? So JJ Y would never do something like this.

LeBron would never do something like this. They would feel all these feelings on the inside. They would probably complain and let them fester and it would become like a, like an ingrained part of their personality that they would let out in other weird ways with Kevin Durant. He's like, you know what? Fuck it. I'm, I'm a triggered bitch.

I'm sorry. I'm a triggered beta. I'm a triggered B word PFT and I'm, I'm just going to let my bitch card fly be my bitch flag fly. You're absolutely right. It is, it's one of those situations where two things can be, uh, correct at the same time. It can be a thin skinned B word and he also can be very real and actually, you know, kind

of owning up to the fact that he's a thin skinned B word, which I do respect. Like Kevin Durant, he does get upset online. We've all been there. It just so happens that he is, you know, the best, the two time NBA final MVP and one of the best players in the world and has millions of millions of dollars. And guess what? Stars. They're just like us.

That makes them so much more relatable. The fact that he deals with the same problems that we deal with on, you know, like I'm more online than Kevin Durant is, I think, but I could, I could be wrong because I know for a fact he spends at least like two hours a day practicing. Yes. And which is an hour and a half more a day than I spend walking to the gym, going on treadmill for 10 minutes, then walking home. Um, I, I, I like the fact that he's kind of lashing out.

I'm, I'm okay with Kevin Durant. He's owning the fact. He's no longer baby back. He's baby back. He's baby. Christ, Hank, you're going to have to bleep all this shit out. He's baby back beta. Yes.

Yeah. I mean, I mean, it was hilarious because somehow I was in the middle of a, of a NBA Twitter fight out of nowhere. I was actually falling asleep on the couch and then it, like my mentions started going off. I was like, what the hell's going on? Oh, so you didn't call them, responded my tweet and then Kevin Durant came over the top.

I, it was great because at the end of the day, these guys are in the off season. They're just bored and they're like, you know what? I'm just going to, you know, pop off for a minute and I'm, I'm cool with that. We live online. Yeah. We know, we know how it is. I mean, you come into our territory, you got to, you got to every now and then blow off a little stink.

Listen, when you agree to go on another man's fucking podcast, you agree to all the aftermath that might happen. Best quote. Best quote. I just did your fucking podcast. I say it's the most 2018 thing. It's like replacing avocados, replacing all this millennial talk. It's just saying, I just did your fucking podcast, dude.

Yeah. In 2018, two people in sports don't have a conversation with each other unless it's on a podcast. Right. So you assume that. Correct. I say that's how we start like inviting people on the show instead of care to come on the show to discuss.

Yeah. Hey, want to come on our fucking podcast? Well, and then the other thing is Andre Goudala came at me too. He said, Big Cat must be someone to have that type of bravery in reply to me saying, using the B word, which I invited him on the podcast as well. And there was a moment, there was a moment on Wednesday night where I was like, am I going to be the guy who's going to bring down the Warriors because they were very hot online. And then Andre Goudala just said, what was it?

I can't even pronounce it. White people. White people. So I think he was going to say white people, sub-tweeting me. Actually, that's not fair for him to do that because we haven't gotten a 23-meter-old spack. Who knows what I am. Don't assume my race based on the fact that everything, don't assume my race based on

the fact that I do a sports podcast from Manhattan. Yeah. And then the best fallout is having ESPN, Fox, all the big boys go out of their way to not mention us, Barstool, my Twitter account, or the B word. Skip was like, Skip was dancing around. He was like, well, he was talking about someone using the B word. And then I was like, yeah, yeah, the B word. That's right.

Say it. Just say the B word, folks. Say it, Skip. We can't because we're friends with CJ. I did reach out to CJ and I was like, yo, man, I'm sorry because I don't want to get anyone in this, you know, a huge, I'm happy Kevin Durant was getting it. I didn't want CJ McCollum to and he said, no problem, my friend. Oh, so we're still friends.

We're still friends because I probably, because I haven't used the B word. Podcast, it's the ultimate peacemaker. The minute CJ McCollum says we can use it, we're fucking using it. I say we still use it. I'm not going to do it. Just as you put them on. Here's what we'll do. CJ, your muffs, Katie, your bitch, baby back bitch, big time.

Come on the show. Yeah, but we'd love to have your muffs off. CJ, come back on the show anytime you want. Also open invite. Yeah. Well, I listen. Well, let me ask you, let me ask you if Kevin Durant comes on the podcast to discuss, are you going to have the balls to call the baby back?

Here's how I'd, here's exactly cause I was playing it in my head last night. I'd say we'd ask him real questions. We'd have a, hopefully an honest conversation. I said, and then at some point I'd be like, Kevin, I want you to know I've been calling you a baby back B word for a very long time thoughts. You would say the B word or no, I'd say, I'd say, I'd say the bitch. That's, I'd go all the way. You'd have to.

I'd add that ITCH. You'd have to. Oh yeah. It would be like people always ask our white whale. Once we got JJ Watt, now Kevin Durant's our white whale. It's got to be white people. Well, KD. LeBron for the biggest guest.

I actually don't think LeBron would be a good guest on the show. I agree. We, well, we might have to sit him down, open up a nice box of Francia for him. Well, here's the difference is LeBron will never ever do part of my take. I, we've gotten a point where I do, and it's probably a little bit of hubris, which I think we, we need to like, you know, get the big guess is to be like, oh, we can get anyone. Kevin Durant is now in a position where I really do think if he came on,

he would come like, it would be a win for him. I think Kevin Durant likes podcasts. I think he doesn't want like the stigma of going to see a psychiatrist. He obviously needs to talk to a shrink. Yeah. But what he does is he just go, he has like a roving band of psychiatrists, which are all just like NBA journalists with microphones. Yes.

That's his couch that he sits on. He just opens up for him. Yes. So that is how a little, well, we're not little anymore. A podcast started an NBA Twitter feud. So credit to us for being at the front lines. Before we get to our Mount Rushmore, I got a question for you. It's a Seeky question.

Is the NFL back? Well, promo code take $10 off for NFL seats. Yes, it is. What was your favorite storyline from the NFL first day of camps? I mean, all the camps. I mean, there was, you know, the Bears were the Ravens. I think there was a couple of straight teams. Yeah, today was the last day, I feel like I'm a big fan of the Des talk.

OK, as maybe going to Cleveland. Everyone's trying to figure out what Josh Gordon's up to. Yep. And having Dez and Josh Gordon in the same locker room. Pretty. That would be good. Incredible. I have to go with the Ryan Tannehill knee brace. Tannehill 2.0.

Yeah, the knee brace. He is not only he's really leaning into this is the year that Ryan Tannehill takes the big step, the next step. I think I think it's awesome that wearable technology has gotten to the point where a quarterback can have their total QBR on their actual equipment. Yes. Well, I fuck, I just realized something. They that definitely he definitely has two knee braces. Fuck. Does he?

So what the one is one point? I just because I thought about it. I was like, what was the conversation to ask the equipment guy like, hey, this is my year to come back. Can you make me a quick label that says Tannehill 2.0? But then I was like, wait, no, he probably just has two knee braces. You wait, you think he has one that's actually labeled one point on? Yeah. No, I don't think so.

Yeah, I think no, I know. I think this is like comeback season. All right. All right. Good. Good. Yeah. And then also Andrew Luck is kind of back. He's got his flip phone. He's using the flip phone. I fucking love it, which he's never getting. He's a T nine master.

I bet you that Hank, did you ever use T nine when you texted? Yeah. Yeah. The best part about Andrew Luck's flip phone is that it's not like it's not some kind of shady thing like Jerry Jones has a flip phone. You're like, what's going on there? It's better for Andrew. Luck has a flip phone. It's just like he just doesn't like new technology.

Somebody told Jerry Jones that that you can't trace a flip phone. Like like the hinge blocks any sort of like like listening device that's going into. I guarantee you Andrew Luck calls his flip phone a car phone, too, by the way. He probably has a car phone as well. God, do you remember car phone? Jack Doyle hand me my flip phone. Car phones were awesome.

Car phones were like the best. My dad had a car phone for a couple of years. It didn't work. Yeah. No one's car phone work. Here's the thing. No one's car phone. Everyone had a car phone. And when you'd start your car, it would make an obscenely long, like very loud beeping noise. Yeah. And they're like, oh, that guy's got a car phone.

And then you try to use it and they're like, no, it only I think it only works for 911. Never. Probably still doesn't. Never once did I see a phone call made from a car phone. It's such it was such an awesome, like elaborate hoax by car manufacturers. Be like, hey, guess what? You can call people not just from your house, but also from your car. Yep. And you couldn't ever. I'm just so I'm so excited that that training camp is back.

Just scrolling through Twitter today and he had all the reporters at all the different camps tweeting out like small videos from across the field. Like the smallest, tiniest little nuggets of information. You know, like this guy through 10 passes and completed nine of them. What does that tell us? Yeah. Seguan Barkley dropped a pass from Eli Manning. Oh, no. Bust. Oh, no. Yeah.

That's pretty bad. And now is also the week where you get like the shit really hits the fan because you have all these players that are threatening holdouts and you get to see who's going to blink because like if they actually don't show up, yeah, what's going to happen? Aaron Donald, not going to play, not going to play Odell Beckham. He showed up and they're renegotiating his contract. They're working on it right now, which I didn't think was going to happen.

No. And then the ultimate, ultimate contract holdout that was over. Well, I want to give a lot of credit to a certain 10 year old child for ending the long national nightmare that was Julio Jones's holdout. Yes. Oh, read us that, please. So yeah, let me pull this up here. Oh, man. This is a this is this. He just missed the take of the year. But this was an all time tweet and Julio set the scene.

This guy is mad because Julio Jones held out and got a new contract and basically is more about himself than the team. And what did he tweet him? OK, so this is from Buck Lanford, who's a Fox five reporter. By the way, great journalist name. Yeah, Buck Lanford. It's like straight out of the movie, right? He's the Anchorman three.

Yes. So he tweets at Julio Jones, dear Julio Jones. My 10 year old son is a huge fan. The pick below has been his long time screen saver. It's a picture of Jones. Tonight, he told me he is changing it to a solo shot of Matt Ryan or Devonte Freeman, tagged both of them. Hasn't decided yet. Just thought you should know.

Sincerely, B.L. And then he also tagged the Atlanta Falcons. It's really unbelievable. Paddle, little paddle. Really hammer home the point. And what do you know? Eight hours later, Julio Blinks, he's reporting to camp. So it's all it's it's a great, great way to just like bin teams

through wheel will is invent a child on this guy. Probably does have a kid, but it doesn't matter for all. It's Buck Jr. For sure. Yeah. Yeah. For everybody else out there, just invent a kid and be like, my child is so disappointed. Pleased. He was your hero. Yeah. Yeah.

We he just burned your we gave him some matches. Yeah. He's four years old and he just burned your jersey in the backyard. All right. Before we get to the takies, let's do our Mount Rushmore. So we have the Mount Rushmore of things we like that get your man card revoked. So it's not things that just get your man card revoked. We were talking about it before, for instance, an umbrella. I think if you use an umbrella, you should get your man card revoked,

but I don't like using umbrellas because I'm an all man. Yeah, this is this was one big humble brag for you to just be like, I don't use umbrellas. Yeah, right. Because you're a man. Yeah. And Hank doesn't either. So that would be so if you're a guy out there listening, I didn't know you'd like to get wet, Jake, if you use an umbrella, that would be an instance of things you like to get your man card revoked. All right. PFT, why don't you start?

Oh, OK. This this was an easy number one for me. Cuddling. Hmm. Look, you big cuddler. Love cuddling. OK. Love it. Love it. I love everything about cuddling. OK. All right. Hank, you want to go?

Yeah, just shows like high school drama shows. The OC, the grassy next generation. OK. Riverdale. All right. Love them. Man card. I have similar to Hank, but a little more grown up. I do happen to watch and enjoy from time to time the Real Housewives series. So I've seen some of it. I only the originals.

I only know the New York Bethany is like way too skinny. Atlanta. No. And the OC. I like Atlanta. Yeah. I never got into the other ones, but and dude, the Countess. Crazy. OK. And I will also go with Boneless Buffalo Wings. So it's a big man. Like literally every time I have to take his make up wings,

PFT is like man card and totally completely serious. And I'm like, guess what? Sometimes I don't like the mess. I like bone in. Yeah. I like bone out. I like bone in a little dry rub. Number two, I'll go with apricot face wash. Oh, so I had my sister used to have it in our in our bathroom at my home.

Everyone has it. You know, I used to put it on, you know, as a joke or if there was no shampoo. And then I was like, oh, it's kind of nice as a joke for like yourself in the shower. Yeah, you know, just, you know, it is just a joke. Did you like the stuff? Like it's the ones with the scrubby stuff. Oh, the weird little rocks, little pebbles and stuff. Oh, that's the best.

And it probably doesn't do much. But after you're done using it, you're like, my face totally feels soft. It feels like a million bucks. Yeah. Good call, Hank. All right. My second one, I'm going to go with cooking shows. Yeah. Like cooking shows, especially Giada de l'Rentis. Little Muzerrat was that man card, though, because little Muzerrat. She has breasts. She does have breasts, tasteful breasts. But I also like Rachael Ray.

Yeah. Also like Don't really like the Barefoot Contessa. OK. I think she's always, you know, she's always bragging herself. She's full of herself. She's always bragging that she's got a husband. I made this for my husband and he loves me. Yeah. What about Paula Dean? Yeah. No. Oh, no. Almost caught you. No. I disavow. Disavow, Paula Dean.

That was good, though. My next one is going to be a little bit of a combo. Massages slash spas. OK. So oftentimes these things go hand in hand. I like dipping my body into progressively warmer pools of water, floating in the salt tub. Yeah. I don't think I massage. I think massage, man card.

I don't think spas, because that's like the Hollywood workout. Is it body? Well, OK. Spas. Man card. If you said, hey, guys, I'm going for a spot. OK. But what about what about saying, like, hey, guys, I'm going to get the executive workout. You do the steam sauna. I think that's different. That's having his fits. Yeah. OK. That's that is like as mainly as it gets.

It's great. You go to the Russian bathhouse. Nothing more manly than sitting around naked with other dudes just like looking at each other and talking shop to the Russian bathhouse in Chicago. I used to go to the Russian dudes who just walk around with the biggest bellies and the tiniest tiniest dicks. Like and just intimidate the fuck out of everyone. You ever see a guy just walk around slapping himself in the steam room? Yeah, they give each other massages with these weird, like, hit each other.

Yeah, hit each other with these weird branches. Yeah. So that's definitely not a man card situation. No, that's as manly as it gets. Yeah, I'm going to go massages and spas. OK, Hank. Lululemon. Mm, that's good. I do like extremely like one of those things that took a while because it was like big when I was in middle school and stuff. Yeah. It was only girls.

But I think I got a pair. We got a pair sent to us a couple of years ago. So comfortable. So comfortable. So comfortable. Unfortunately, for a guy of my size, Lululemon's a I tried for like a little I had it like a oh, I'm going to buy some Lululemon. You got to go Lululemon. All the fucking shirts, like, didn't fit after two seconds. I'd put them on in the store and then I'd walk out of the store and exhale

and just like, oh, fuck, my tits are everywhere. So but that's a good one. That's a really good one. All right, I have two to wrap up. I'm going to go with a little combo. I they're rivals, but I like them both. Katy Perry and Taylor Swift love listening to them, both bang. What? No, no, no, I like Katy Perry. Listen. I like I like KP. I love Katy.

I like still. Yeah. Is she problematic? Oh, she's just awful. No, no, she's not wrong. I the tiger should cancel her tour because you sold no tickets. I kissed a girl. That was because there was inclement weather, Hank. Yeah. And Taylor Swift, like, there's nothing. That was a whole thing with like with with a ticket master, where they're being so lame.

I think Craig Carton had something to do with that. Yeah, yeah. It was right around the same time. Katy Perry was like, I'm not charging my fans $15 service fees. Yeah. If I'm going to do this tour, I'm doing with Seeky. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. From a code take. I'm just surprised. The reason I gave a ooh, when you picked that,

I thought you'd include Kesha. Oh, I love Kesha. Jesus Christ. Kesha's on my list. So, you know, you can't. No, I know. That's fine. I mean, I'm I'm the one who brought Kesha back. So it's fine. You can take her.

And then my last one is saying I love you to my friends. I like to say I love you to my friends. I say I love you every day to. Yeah. But hundreds of thousands. To people's face. Like, hey, I love you. Like, never said to me. Yeah. I've. Oh, I say I love you all the time.

We've had some moments, Hank, where we've said I love you to each other and you too, P.F. Do you know that? I love you guys. My last one, I will go with Rose Cider. So kind of a chick drink, but it's just so delicious. What's your favorite? I could drink it any day.

What's your favorite? There's a lot of brands. I don't have a favorite. You know, Rose Cider. Such a good drink. Like in a can. Yeah. You know, that's the thing is sometimes the ones in the can have a lot of sugar, though.

So I try and go out of my way to try and find one. There's a whole thing. You got to go to a store and you're like, so embarrassed because you're trying to check out with your Rose Cider. And you don't want to deal with that face to face. I wish there was a way to get it delivered. There is not one day. OK.

My last one, this is going to be tough because I've got a I got a few here. I'm just going to go with love, actually. That's good. That's a great movie. Yeah, that's good. Is that with the British dude? Yeah, well, it's with a lot of British dudes.

That's here nightly. That's good. Hugh Grant. Yeah. That's yeah, that's a really good. That's a good chick flick. You said chick flicks in general. Yeah, chick flicks.

Yeah, well, they're I think love actually. Love actually is I want to be specific and give a shout out to them. All right. So what do we miss? We miss Kasia. Missed close cigarettes. Oh, dude, do we have that conversation? Yeah, we're going to bring them back.

Yeah, we're going to bring them back. I think it was a drunk moment. We're just like, oh, we're going to bring back clothes. Yeah, that crack. That's when the podcast just seeps into our real life and we're just like, don't know what's the difference anymore. Mike Greenberg. Mike Greenberg.

That's not a man card. Keeping up with the Kardashians. Yeah, that's big. Bachelor like all those all those reality shows Laguna Beach. Yeah, Cavalry. Like what about a little Chardonnay? Mm, white wine.

I feel like you get if you're sitting at a bar with a glass of white wine, you can get your man card taken. Yeah, LeBron made red wine cool. And what about peeing sitting down every now and again? Yeah, that's for sure. What about what about not looking at women's breasts and butts because you're in a relationship?

Oh, yeah, that's a good one. That's a big man card. Yeah, just just not gawking at women. Yeah, respecting women. Yes, because you're in a relationship. That's a huge one. What about wearing seatbelt? I love wearing seatbelts.

Fun fact about me, seatbelt saved my life. So if you don't, if you have any problems with my takes, take it up with big seatbelt. Okay, yeah, so I wouldn't put that one on there because I like taking, you like wearing a seatbelt. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. But it's a man card. Like, dudes, we're too tired.

I don't know. Guys can survive car accidents. I don't know. I always, it'd be such a shitty way to go. You know what? Well, Neanderthals never got killed by a car. So why are we so soft? What about Fred Flintstone?

Yeah, never got killed by a car. The big brontosaurus rib tipped his car over, he walked away. True. Good, what do you call them? The Roll Sticks on the Jeep? Yeah. How about related to that, wearing a bike helmet.

That's a big time man card move. Can't wear a bike helmet. Can't do it. Won't do it. Getting tan. I love tanning. I love being tan. Going to a tanning salon, yes.

Being tan, I don't think that's a man card. I think tanning, like just the act of like, I'm gonna go lay outside for two hours, man card. Getting tan because you like got too drunk and fell asleep in the sun or went to a baseball game. No, that's not a man card. But setting aside dedicated time to go on a tan. I've gone down by the river and laid out before.

Hand up. Are we on the East River? Are we in the Trustry? Hudson. Yeah, Hudson. Much cleaner. Okay, nice. That's a real nice one.

Trustry guys? Yeah, always. I went to a tanning salon in like December. I was like white as a ghost. I saw myself on camera one time and I was like, that looks really bad. You know what though? It's okay because when you're around Hank

and I who tan very well, you gotta keep up with us. Keep up with the Jones. Exactly. Yeah, so I understand. You permission to tan. Okay. Any others?

Drinking out of straws. I love drinking out of straws. Yeah, but you could theoretically also, what about like the different shots at a bar? Like. Like doing a shooter? No, or like doing, I mean, I don't know if fireball has become a man card situation.

But like having sitting at a bar and everyone's like, what do you want to say? And someone's like Jameson Tequila, you're like, how about fireball? I don't know. I would say like. Rumblements? Soco Lime.

Okay. Akamikaze. A lemon drop. I enjoy all those things. Jigar bombs. Yeah. O-bombs. Yeah.

I love them all. But do you think you need a man card taken away? I think once you cross, once something is mixed into your drink, that's when it becomes like fireball. I think that's still like guys being dudes. And you can kind of be like, if someone's looking from afar,

they're like, wow, those guys are taking a lot of whiskey shots. Just J-mo while you just. I just took some J-mo to the knock. Oh man. I actually, the first, second and third J-mo shots are great after that. We had that, oh yeah, in DC when someone bought us J-mo shots.

Yeah. I'll take one J-mo shot. All right. Let's get to the takies. You want to get to the takies? Yeah, let's do it before we do that. I want to say these awards are brought to you by Mint Mobile. The big and big wireless stands for a lot of things.

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by one of my favorite products in the entire world. I'm wearing them right now. Yep, you guessed it, bird dog shorts. I love my bird dogs. I love these BDs. They are the perfect short. I didn't think it was possible to improve upon perfection of pre-existing shorts,

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They're basically giving you 50 bucks for these hats. That's how much most people would pay. Retail value 49.99 for the hats, probably. That's birddogs.com. You will not take these things off. I promise you. All right, it is time. PFT.

Are you ready? I'm so ready. This is probably my favorite episode of the year. It is the 2018 Takies. So we have a year end, kind of in the middle of the year award, because we were supposed to do it after the Espeys, but then, I don't know what happened. We just last year we did it a week after this year.

But here's what we're going to do, because if you look at the first year we did it on the Wednesday of the Espeys, the next year we did it a week later. The next year we did it two weeks later. Eventually, these are going to be year end awards. In like 15 years, we will do these in December. So we're calling it the 2017-18 Takies? Yes, correct.

So it's a very loose time. Most of this stuff is from this year. These awards are for the year that began the day after last year's Takies. Right, OK. Correct. So we have 19, no, sorry, check that, 21 awards. And we're going to fire through them.

We have a couple of call-ins. And Hank, why don't you do a little drum roll under this? Let's do it. All right, the first up. You're going to put in the drum roll? OK. There, thank you. All right, first up.

That sounds like the Howard Stern vibrator thing. Hey, ladies, that scene was so awesome. It was so hot. Fuck. It really happened. All right, the first up, the best use of a burner count, award. The nominees are Kevin Durant.

So you must probably remember Kevin Durant started the burner account FAD because he had an Ambien or something. Skip. Bayla started. Skip Bayla started it. But he replied to a tweet with his real Twitter account saying, imagine taking Russ off that team.

See how bad they were. Katie can't win a championship with those cats. And also said, he didn't like the organization or playing for Billy Donovan. His roster wasn't that good. It was just him and Russ. So Kevin Durant had the reverse. He basically tweeted from his real account,

thinking it was his burner. And then everyone's like, wait, this guy has burner accounts. And people found his burner account named rparks3363689. And he had just been tweeting, defending himself for a long time. That's crazy that there were 3363388 other rparks accounts. Yes, tons more.

Yeah, he just sat there typing in. And then he is going up against Brian Colangelo. Can we say it's the most famous burner account? It wasn't his burner account. Find a new slant. He was his wife. So do you want to announce the winner? You can.

OK, the winner is going to be Brian Colangelo because of what PFT just alluded to. Not only was he had like six, five, six burner accounts, but he also gave us the greatest quote ever. When Dartmouth Matt said, this dude just loves collars. And enough hunk owned sources replied, that is a normal collar. Move on.

Find a new slant. The best burner account to eat ever. Did you see the update to it? There was a guy in a Philly thrift store, a secondhand store that was looking for dress shirts. And they were like, we just got this big shipment in. Like this guy got rid of all his dress shirts. So if you want to check him out.

He was trying them on. They had like Brian Colangelo's initials. He sold them. And he put them on and like took pictures of the collars. The collars were fucking huge. They're huge. You could play hide and go seek in his collar. Yes.

So if he had just leaned into the collar narrative a little more, I think he would have gotten away with it. Been like, hey, like Warren just so like a Pee Wee Herman size collar at his press conference where he gets fired. Just one of those cones that dogs wear so they don't lick themselves. The other shout out for Brian Colangelo's Twitter account, his burner accounts.

So he had the find a new slant tweet, which might have been his wife, but who knows. The best part about the Brian Colangelo thing is when he actually got found out by someone guessing. And he was like, no, that's not me. What happened was someone quote, tweeted his tweet and said that this you Brian. And he replied with his burner account.

No, but thanks for the compliment. He is too classy to even engage. Worked with him. He is a class act. Like that's insane to be that close to. Like if you have a burner account and someone says, hey, is this you, you delete everything right away. You know what, it would have been actually way better

if he had just named his burner account, Brian Colangelo's burner account. Right, right. Nobody believed it. So Brian Colangelo wins the takey for best burner account of the year. And I'm shocked it was such a close race too because KD really gave him a run for his money.

He did, he did. All right, so the second award of the night is, this is a great award. This is the year of the year. So we're going to find out the year of the year. I'm just going to say the runner up was 2016. You might have remembered it because everyone died. Yeah, everyone died.

And it was when we evolved as a society to be perfect. Yeah. So yeah. 2016. Yeah, 2016, it was, yeah, everyone died. There was a presidential election that made a lot of people upset. And we just all wish 2016 would end

while also thinking 2016 was awesome because it's 2016, anything's possible. Yes. But the winner for year of the year goes to our year. They wash new capitals. There we go. The cap's year where you go. The year of the year.

I think we all saw that kind of truly a magical run. A dynasty, you know, you can't say enough good things about that cap's team. Maybe the best hockey team of all time ever assembled. Great coaching, great executing, great fans. Most importantly, the fans. Yeah. Great celebration.

Yeah, can we cash that ticket? Definitely the best Stanley Cup celebration of all time. Yeah. And that was still going on. And the award for PFT somehow getting the caps into the takies was the year of our year. That was a good year though. Best pants, PFT.

PFT, for sure. RIP those pants. For sure. I should have kept those pants. I probably could have sold them. Yeah, absolutely. You have made playing cards out of them? You know what?

Somebody probably found those pants. Yeah. Like, yeah, the game-worn merchandise. Yeah, that would have been amazing. All right, next up we have Canadian of the Year and the nominees are LeBron, Kauai Leonard and our good friend, Paul Bisnet, Biz Nasty. And we called him to do Canadian of the Year.

Here he is. Ooh. All right, we have our Canadian of the Year award and we're welcoming on the only Canadian we know. It is Biz Nasty, Paul Bisnet. The nominees are Kauai Leonard, who is now a member of the Toronto Raptors. And he's going to love the city of Toronto.

He's gonna love it. LeBron James, who owns the entire city of Canada and Biz Nasty, who is actually Canadian, do you want to open the envelope and tell us the winner, Biz? Oh, sure. I mean, like, I don't know. I didn't get a package or anything.

I don't have an envelope. Oh, okay. Must have gotten lost in there. All right, well, it was Kauai. Kauai won, so. It must have got stopped at customs. Yeah. That's probably exactly what it was.

But we wanted to have you on to explain to us what exactly being a Canadian like entails. Like, what would you say the essence of Canada is? I mean, that's kind of a tough question. It's very broad. But I will say this. Being Canadian, it is nice when you travel, especially to other countries.

Like, already people are like, when you say you're Canadian, you already get the benefit of dealt with. They're like, oh, you're Canadian, so you have to be nice. Yeah. So you're getting that benefit of the dealt where I kind of sympathize for some Americans,

because you guys are my American friends. You guys are really nice people. If you were to, let's say, travel to maybe France and go to Paris. Yeah. But you mentioned the fact that you're American. Like, half of them probably rolled their eyes and they're like, fuck this guy.

Yeah, but they also like, but you guys are good people. They also do things like teach you about important fashion trends that you can bring back over to the States. But they, and they also like, they'd be like, oh, wow, he's American. Like, he could own us at any moment. Yeah.

Or we'd be living under German law if it wasn't for this guy. So thank you for your service. Right. So they, so clearly they don't want to be owned by Americans. So they already had that negative connotation of like, thinking like, oh, guys, this guy might be a piece of shit,

which I feel bad because you guys are not. Thank you. Oh, thanks. Do you ever get the thing where you're overseas and you tell somebody you're Canadian and they're like, yeah, we've heard that one before. Nice try. You're American trying to act like we should be polite to you.

That's funny to say that. I've actually heard of Americans when traveling just say they're Canadian people. It just helps them out a lot easier. So, I mean, you guys might want to start doing that. What would we say? Like, what's the telltale sign of a Canadian though, if we say that because I don't want to get exposed

is not being a Canadian. Man, you guys did a full stick on it. Oh, yeah, that's right. Apologize before you say it. Yeah, yeah, I forgot about that. Sorry, but I'm Canadian. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry. I thought that's where this was going.

Yeah, yeah, sorry. No, no, no, it wasn't. It's early in the morning for us, so whatever. You say, I'm not from the USA, but you say it EH at the end. Yeah, exactly. Biz, what's going on right now? We haven't talked to you in a while.

Let's catch up before we let you go. What's the latest in the biz nasty world? I know you work for an organization. I do. I find a career extension with their going to coyotes in the National Hockey League. I don't know if that's any good or anything, but that's just a little bit of my side hustle.

Yeah, yeah. My other side hustle is working for Barstool. We have the podcast that chicklets that is mostly a Canadian demographic who listen, all hockey fans. And to bring it even further, one of the Canadian company I just got involved with who asked me to do a couple of commercials is also from Canada.

And they want to sponsor split and chicklets with ad or anything stuff. And there's a pretty cool story. I get a phone call from the buddy and he said that this company wanted me to go to a public appearance in Edmonton. And I was like, okay, like what's the base of the company? And he goes, well, it's called ybi.ca.

So obviously it's Canadian because it has a CA instead of .com. But the concept is it's basically the Airbnb for like boats, RVs, you name it, all the fun toys. And I was shocked to hear that this didn't already exist. I, yeah, I thought that was just called like being Canadian. You just let people borrow your stuff all the time. Yeah.

What else, what's the rest of the summer look like? Anything special, anything, anything else you want to plug? No, I mean, we're going through Boston to get to bank a bunch of interviews at the warrior facility. So I mean, here's another shout out to my sponsor, one of my sponsors. Okay, that place looks sick.

Were you guys, oh yeah, I heard it's unbelievable. I haven't seen it yet. But were you guys aware that New Balance was a sister company of warrior? No, I wasn't. I was not aware of that. That's crazy. Damn.

Yeah, that's another one of my sponsors. Anything else right here? Isn't every company in Canada owned by the government? You guys are socialists, right? You could say that. Okay, we'll go with that. Yeah, he literally just did. No, I think that's it.

So anything else that you got, you know, anything else you're plugging while we say goodbye to you? No, I mean, I genuinely miss you guys. I had a blast when I was in NYC. And if the coyotes gig ever somehow hit the fan, like, I definitely like to come full time at Barstool if you guys were having me. Oh, wow.

Okay, so if you get fired from your day job, well, from your nine companies that you work for, we're the pity hire. Well, no, the reason I say that, nice having a balance of like a structure in my life, whereas I know it's corporate, so I may say the wrong thing at some point. And they're like, yo, like,

you can do that shit at Barstool, but you can't do it here. We got to cut ties. And then that's when I'd be like, yo, guys, it's up. Yeah, okay. I'm perfect for you guys. Okay, we're gonna fall back, Glenn. Gotcha.

You can be a buddy here. We'll introduce you as a buddy. Maybe you can work your way up to Powell. Sure. All right, well, I love you. Hey, guys, I miss you. And if that's it, I'll let you guys go. I love you.

I love you. I love you, too. Oh, fuck yeah. All right. Okay, biz, will you stop by New York, when you go to the Warrior facility? I don't have time, but I will be there during the season, and maybe I can get you Coyote's tickets

to come watch the Rangers. Nah, I'm all sounds electric. Yeah, that's okay. You can give them to someone else. Sure, all right, I'll do that. All right, I'll talk to you, man. I'll put them on Seatpeak. Oh, promo code.

I don't have one. That's your guy, Jake. Oh, there we go. Jake, nice. Perfect. I ain't that big yet, boys. Yeah. All right, we'll talk soon, man.

Okay, see you, boys. Thanks, man. All right, shout out, Biz Nasty. The fourth award of the night is going to be for Lib of the Year. So this one was real barn burn, because we have Chris Long defending his belt. He's nominated again this year for eschewing the White House

to the point where Donald Trump disinvited the entire Philadelphia Eagles. I'm just gonna put it all on Chris Long, even though there were other reasons, I'm sure. Among those, I think only Nick Foles was gonna show up. What did we call it last year? Well, I think we had a better time. Was it Libcock's Snowflake of the Year?

Snowflake of the Year, I think. Yeah, well, we'll edit that in post-production. By that, I mean, Liam, just make the card, whatever we say after. Yeah, just pretend that we just made these categories a lot longer. So Chris is nominated again this year for his work in Libbing.

And the other nominee is Britt McHenry for Lib of the Year. She said on Twitter, a lot of her friends are Democrats. So you're judged by the company, you keep, Britt. Yep. And she also, she read that Deadspin article that outed me by my name, and then she tweeted that at me. And we all know,

Deadspin, more than Clipspin. So it looks like Britt McHenry is making a solid case for herself for big-time Libcock Snowflake Democrat, DemonKrat of the Year. So the Lib of the Year, back-to-back, Chris Long. This is strong, to be able to stay on top. So shout out Chris Long, Libcock Snowflake of the Year. Distributing all his wealth to less fortunate people.

So, good job, buddy. We might have to disavow him if he keeps living out like this. He keeps giving his money away to charities. He keeps living all over us. All right, next up, we have the ESPN NFL Countdown Host of the Year. Very, very tough competition.

So it is the host of the year. I'm gonna open the envelope, here we go. And it's empty, so... That title has been vacated. Vacated title, like Rick Petino's Louisville Cardinals, the ESPN NFL Countdown Host of the Year, no longer gets a takey award. It has officially been vacated

and will give it to who is the last... Chris Berman was the last one. Chris Berman, all right. So I guess he'll accept it on behalf of, yeah. Nobody. All right, P.F.T., what do we got next? The next one, this is the hypothetical chant of the year. No, I should preface this by saying

these are all Bill Simmons' chants that he was hoping that Boston Celtics fans would do. Actually, they probably did them, right? Yeah. Bean Town's crazy for Bill Simmons. He's the biggest sports blogger to ever come out of that town by far. And these were his three chants

that he wanted the Celtics faithful to chant at LeBron James in the playoffs. You're a baby. Ooh, that one's good. You're not MJ. You will leave. You will leave. Okay, so that's the runner-up.

Yeah, that's the runner-up. Before you announce the winner, how was you a leave gonna ever be a chant that like made sense? Well, it would make a lot more sense if he did it in Cleveland. Right. So, but doing it in Boston, it's like, yeah, he's...

You're right. Yeah, he's gonna take a point. He's gonna go on a plane back. But how, like, you will leave or... You will leave. You will leave. All right, that's pretty good. Yeah, that would really hurt him bad.

But the winner by far is, please stop crying. Please stop crying. All right, so... Those all cut really deep, though. That one, listen, that was a tough one to decide, I think. You're not MJ's good, too. Oh, man, please stop crying and you're a baby. Still got it.

Oh, man. All right, so that was the hypothetical chant of the year. Please stop. Bill Simmons takes it home with please stop crying. All right, next up, we have... It was the year of... Oh, we should have put that in the year of our years. Well, year of Rookie of the Year discussions,

because there was a lot of hot rookies on the scene. You had Ben Simmons, who won the NBA Rookie of the Year, even though he wasn't a rookie. You had Donovan Mitchell, who should have won the Rookie of the Year, because he was a rookie. You had Alvin Camara. Camara. Camara.

Camara. Camara. Camara. From the New Orleans Saints, who won Rookie of the Year. Also the New Orleans Saints won defensive Rookie of the Year with Marshawn Lattimore. But we knew there was only one rookie. Only one rookie who could take this title away,

and we actually have him to accept the award. Mm. Oh. Oh. Oh, ah. Can I touch the grass and catch? Oh, oh. Put the ball, put the ball, put the ball.

And it's sustained for the last eight and a half. Oh, oh, oh, oh. There you go. He's so great, isn't he? Mm. That was pretty good. That was pretty good. Rookie of the Year, Tony Romo, way to go, Tony.

Next up, we have the complaint of the year. And who else would we have on the show for this award, but none other than our resident complainer, Portnoy's complaint, Boston legal Michael Portnoy Esquire. Yeah, before we kick it to him, let me just say this a little disclaimer for everyone, especially because we haven't decided the podcast listeners of the year.

The story that Michael Portnoy uses for the complaint of the year, it slows down in the middle, but it is worth the reward at the end. Let me just say that. All right, we have next up in the awards, the complaint of the year, and we have the greatest complainer of all time,

not that you complain a lot, but you know, you're good at complaining. You're a prolific complainer. Yeah, it is, Mr. Portnoy. That's not a compliment. I'm not taking out of the compliment. It is, be the best at what you do, no matter what it is you choose to do.

I don't think you complain over, like I don't think you complain a lot, but when you do complain, you bring the heat. Exactly, yeah. You know, I just thought of that scene in the Godfather where the guy was saying, one of the gangsters, he was, they were about to strangle of them,

strangle of them, they showed him a dollar bill, and he said, I don't take that as a compliment. Well, that was in the Godfather? Yeah, or he said, I take that as an insult. I'm sorry. They were sitting at the bar, and he was about to be strangled. Fredo was playing.

Yeah, and he gave him a dollar bill. I take that as an insult. Oh, Don Feneuch, are you talking about Don Feneuch? Did you ever go wet in the beak? No, no, no. Leave the gun take the compliment, right? That was, they were sitting in a bar, and it was, what's the name,

the muscle guy was going to be strangled. Clemenza? Oh no, I'm confused. Yeah, I don't think it's the Godfather. Are you talking about Goodfellas? You're going to edit this out anyway, so what? No, probably not. No, this stays.

All right, so give it to us. I'm excited to edit it out. I'm very excited about this award. I'll tell you why, because we're giving you the award for Complay of the Year, but we don't know what the complaint's going to be. So no pressure on you, but you kind of got to deliver right now.

Yeah, well, I've given it some thought. It didn't happen that long ago. I didn't want to do what I had done with Hewlett Packard before, I didn't think he was looking for a replay. So this happened recently. I was coming back with my wife from my one and only visit to Nantucket to see my son. After about five years, he's been there,

whatever it's been. So we're coming back. That's not a complaint, by the way. That's a pre-complaint. That's a statement of fact. Yeah, okay. Yeah, so we're driving back, and what happened, and this is obviously sad,

and it's not part of any complaint, that police officer and the Massachusetts have been murdered. And what happened was, we were driving back on Route 95 heading north, and we went right by the town where this was going on. So of course, the roads were closed. Exits were closed. It was a tremendous amount of traffic.

And so we had to get off the road. We had the ways on to take another route, and that worked okay. Get closer to Boston, and we're going into the tunnel. And of course, I've lived here my whole life. I can't remember which is the Calian, which is Sumner, and what the hell differences are. There's a tunnel going to the North Shore

from the Boston area. So again, get in there, and it's tied up big time, and it's hot as hell. Very humid, just the way the weather has been here. So get in the tunnel, and we're not moving. And we're not moving, we're not moving, and time has started, really, more than the normal. I mean, this is about one, two o'clock in the afternoon.

This is a Friday, but it's Friday afternoon, rush hour traffic at two in the afternoon. And I expect it, you know, generally at five o'clock, or 4.30 you're going to see this, but not at that hour. So, and I think I might've mentioned this before when we spoke, and you might find it surprising, but this is me. I am a very patient person driving, especially.

I don't go, you know, if I'm in a particular lane, and I was in the lane, it's the left lane, which is where I'm supposed to be to get to where I want to go when I come out of the tunnel. Okay? And I'm sitting, I'm sitting, and of course, certain people, my wife, is just the opposite.

And she's saying to me, early on, everybody to the right of you is flying by. And of course, I'm thinking that sooner or later, this is going to catch up to these people, and I'm going to be in the lane that's passing through. Doesn't happen. Yup. Five minutes, 10 minutes.

I'm sitting there going nowhere, and these people to my right are flying by. Like actually going right by, like they're going 25 miles an hour? Yeah, and I'm not moving. Okay. And I always remember a couple of years ago, because I've always been like this.

I get in the lane where I'm supposed to be, and I don't want to be one of these people going in and out. And I remember, I was near the Mass General Hospital a couple of years ago, somebody was behind me, and I was where I was supposed to be, and that person cut out and got whacked from somebody that didn't see him. So that always stays in the back of my mind.

So I don't like to, if I'm in the lane, I stay in the lane, I'm very patient. You like to mind your own business, yeah. I'm minding my own business. So now after going nowhere for about 40 minutes, and I'm not exaggerating, I hadn't moved an inch, and it's other cars are flying by. And I'm starting to lose my strength on this point,

but it's like you're a gambler. You know, you always think you're on it. When you're gambling, the bad streak is gonna end. You just gotta keep at it. Well, that's kind of how I feel here. I've made an investment in time, and I'm not gonna waste it, all right? So fine, fine, fine, I'm going nowhere.

And of course, there are people behind me, I can see in my rear view mirror, that in my lane, that they're cutting out, they're going to the right to get into the fast lane, so to speak. And I'm getting progressively more upset. And when these people behind me, and it's not affecting me yet,

I'm getting over into counting out of my lane. This is, by the way, this in the tunnel, this is a very narrow thing. It's two lanes max, and there used to be a solid yellow line. You're not supposed to be passing in this lane. You're not supposed to be cutting out. And it's all faded, being Massachusetts.

You can barely see the solid line anymore. So, and when somebody cuts out in back of me, you know what happens? The whole tunnel gets clogged up, because they can't get in. They wanna go ahead to the right, and eventually, you know, pass me, they're gonna pass me to the right,

and about 10 colleagues ahead of me, they're gonna try to cut back in, because they wanna be where I am, but they just don't wanna wait, okay? So, I'm letting this go, I'm letting it, I haven't been affected by it yet. All of a sudden, this guy in this white Chrysler, all right, this white Chrysler,

I think they call it now a, I wrote it down what they call it, I forgot, and it's a big Chrysler sedan, okay? It's 300. Chrysler 300, it's called. Big white Chrysler. This guy comes up, say, two, three colleagues in front of me, and I saw where he came from, he came from way back.

He was in the right, moving along. Now, he's got, he's two, three colleagues in front of me, and he thinks he's gonna cut in front to get into my lane. No, no, no. Uh-huh. But you haven't been moving. And I'm saying, keep in mind, I usually, for me,

I'd let a guy like this in. I'm just not like that. I don't care. You know, if I get there 10 minutes later, so what? But now, we're not talking about 10 minutes. We're talking about an hour and a half. The jerk in front of me lets him in, okay? And I'm not happy about that.

Then we start to move just a little bit. And this same guy, after about 15 minutes of being in front of me, two colleagues, he starts to get out of the lane again, and he's gonna go back into the fast lane. Son of a bitch. So he's now jumped all the way ahead. Are you following what I'm saying?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely. I still am very confused how you're not moving in everyone else's, but yes. Yeah, and this particular guy, on this white Christ the 300 sedan, he now decides he's gonna go back into the fast lane. All right? And then eventually, huh?

You can't do that. He shouldn't, right? So he goes up, he gets into the fast lane, and then I started to move a little bit. He goes to try to cut back. Oh, not on your watch. And he's directly in front of me. All right?

And I decided, you know, this is an allegory for a breakdown in society. All right? Here I am, I'm a very calm person, but when you abuse me like this, human nature being what it is, I'm gonna do something that I would never do. I'm not letting him in.

Ooh. I'm not letting him in. I'd rather damage my car than let him in at this point. And now, of course, he's stuck in this, he hit the whole, there's a pretty, my whole backup, because he can't get in. He's stuck in the right side,

trying to get back into the left side, and all the traffic and back is now back up, but I'm not letting him in. I am not letting him in. So finally, he realizes that, and he jumps ahead to about five or six car lengths, and then he finally does get in. All right?

And then we start to move. And then this is unbelievable. Then, okay, about 10 minutes later, he's now, he's trying to get back in. You've been in this tunnel for five hours. Yes, he's trying to get back in. And needless to say, that didn't happen. And ultimately, which has got a story,

has a very good ending. I don't remember exactly how it happened, but I ended up passing him. He was in the right and my left lane after two and a half hours, pushed him up, and I passed him. Yeah, slowly steady. Yeah, so wait, where was the complaint? Just the complaint of the year,

is this one guy in the Chrysler? Yeah. Yeah. It's a complaint of the year, really. Oh. He's people, this guy in the Chrysler. This guy in the Chrysler, that's my complaint. That's why I identified it as a Chrysler,

a white Chrysler 300, late model. All right, keep your eyes peeled for this guy. I'll tell you, I'll tell you, Mr. Bordner, you lost me a little bit in the middle. I felt like I was in the tunnel for five hours. You lost me a little bit in the middle, but getting to the end and having the complaint of the year be this one guy randomly in the tunnel in a white Chrysler,

trying to zigzag back and forth, I actually couldn't have scripted it better. That was your, he knows who he is. That's your white whale. You know who you are. You're probably listening right now, you. Let me ask you this. It was only last week, so I'm sure he knows.

Oh, he's fresh on his mind, yep, yep. Did you at some point in the hour and a half you were stuck in this tunnel think, hey, maybe I should just give the right lane a shot? Well, obviously, that's what I was saying a few minutes ago. After an hour and a half, it starts to crash in my mind. But that's why I said it's like, you make it an investment here.

If I cross into the right lane, all the time I spent waiting in the left was a waste of time. Right, grass is always greener on the other side. Right, and I didn't want to, and these people that are going in the right, they're not going 10 miles an hour. They're going, you know, they're flying by,

so you better, if you're gonna make that move, you better be good, because if you don't, you're gonna get whacked. Yep, okay, well, that's it, yeah. In other words, it's a split second decision. You gotta decide, I'm gonna go for this. Yeah, one moment. Don't change horses in midstream.

That saying exists for a reason. Right, so that's my complaint, and like you say, it's against this particular driver. Okay, well, I think that was well deserving of a takey. Yeah, so that was a takey. And the other thing, just to say, of course, I'm being egged on by somebody in my automobile, saying to me, I can't believe how stupid you are,

that you stay in the left lane. I do appreciate that you always go anonymous sources when you're in it with your wife. You're in the car with your wife. You're like, someone, I won't name names. Well, she doesn't like to be included in it. Okay, all right, all right. All right, it was your guma then.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. In fact, she wouldn't be happy if you gave one of her passwords out, let's say. Okay. We won't do that. Yeah, we won't do that. Yeah, no, thanks. BEEP

I'm gonna, I'm gonna ignore that remark, because I know, Hank, you understand you gotta block that out, right? All right, so complain of the year winner, Mr. Portnoy. We appreciate it. Congratulations. Thank you. Hopefully we'll see you again soon.

Do I get any kind of a, like a statue or anything? Yeah, we'll send you something in the mail. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. We'll send, no, you know what? We'll do it safe and sound. We'll send you one of those.

Yeah, if you. Yeah, we'll send you an extra mirror. I showed this morning about all you millennials don't have a male Atlanta, so I'm not gonna hold my breath. No, we'll send you the, you know, like the little circle mirror that you put on your, on your side, side mirrors that you, so you can see it even more,

so that you can actually maybe someday pass into the fast lane. We're gonna send that to you. Yeah, I live my life in the fast lane. Oh, there we go. There we go. There we go. There he is.

It's Mikey Tough Nuts. All right. All right. All right. Thanks, Mr. Portnoy. I appreciate it. All right, we'll talk to you later. Bye-bye.

All right, bye. And that's why he's the best. That's the fucking perfect. It's the most Portnoy's complaint, complaint. I think we've ever had just, just traffic. No, not just traffic. The White Chrysler 300. No, yeah, yeah, because he actually sounded

like he can deal with traffic because he has a very patient method of just never switching lanes. But the fact that Mr. Portnoy hit him up and I was like, hey, we need a complaint of the year for the Takies. And he was like, I don't have anything. I'm at the beach.

And why are you calling me at the beach? He's like, why'd you pick up the phone at the beach? And then he texted me later and was like, I thought of something. And it was the fucking Chrysler. The White Chrysler 300. God damn it. That is the winner of the complaint of the year.

All right, next up we have best use of Sir in a tweet of the year. So this is the only nominees are Keith Oldman. So Sir, sir, resign. He has, we have three tweets out there. And I'm actually, I haven't picked a winner. So PFT, you pick a winner after I read them, all right? First one, Sir, the rest of us are not as stupid

as the sheep who elected you. You hate representative government, resign, defect to Russia, Sir. I'm gonna add an extra, Sir. I'm gonna add an extra, Sir, to each of them. You can just- Try to figure out which ones- Yeah, I try to figure out which, Sir, is the added, Sir.

Sir, in so much as you're the most extraordinary combination of arrogant and milk toast alive, how does this affect you, Sir Snowflake? That's good, Sir Snowflake. That's a good nickname. My father was Sir Snowflake. You could, that's a good horse name. Put that on the list for next time, Sir Snowflake.

Okay, last one from Keith Holman. Your president just equated white supremacy to its own victims. Sir, you either denounce him or you share his evil, Sir. This is perfect because it's, I'm gonna go with the last one because you're calling a guy a Nazi, but you're also showing him respect.

Yes, like, hey, you're still a Sir in my eyes. Yeah. There's nothing better than a Sir tweet because it is so ridiculous that you never use a Sir when you may not have the Sudetenland Sir, Sir. You never use a Sir when you're like calm and cool. You only use a Sir when you're very agitated and it's like the next thing you know

is gonna start nighting people. Stop sleeping with my wife, Sir. Sir, Sir, please do not insert your penis into my wife's vagina, Sir. Sir, Snowflake. All right, so that goes to Keith Holman. All right, next up we have the Lavar Ball interview of the year.

There were a lot to choose from. He made the rounds, he did the media circuit, he made his own car wash. There was a while there, I think it was sometime in the winter where he was just going like back and forth from FS1 to ESPN like week to week to week. Yes.

And so these are some hot nominees. The first one is when he said that he would beat Michael Jordan one-on-one. Mm-hmm. Next, when the time that he said he could beat LeBron, James one-on-one, back and down. Yep. LeBron can't deal with his strength.

The time that he said, you know what LA stands for? Lavar is awesome. Spot the lie. Spot the lie. Spot the lie. What does that stand for? LeBron's awesome. Okay.

LeBron's an asshole. Next was when he did the interview. That's the angels. And behind the scenes expose our feature on his life where he said that he was teaching his kids that you can call your mama bitch as long as you call her bitch consistently, not just when she's mad at you.

So if you're gonna call her bitch when she's mad, call her a bitch when she's also doing the dishes. What he said in the interview. Just rename your mother bitch. Okay. B word. Yeah, okay. And then the time that he said that Lonzo Ball

deserved a billion dollar shoe deal when they were trying to figure out how much. Folks, that was a B that PFT said. Not a B. Not a M. Turn my M's to B's. Turn my M. Yeah.

Do you want to tell that? No. Where you heard that? Okay, all right. And the winner. Turn my M's to B's. Of Lavar Ball interview of the year. The Chris Cuomo interview.

Where they called him Cromo and just threw him all off his game. Yes, let's play a little clip of that right here. You act like you, what's your last name? Cuomo. Are you Trump's brother? You want me to thank you? You don't have to thank me.

That's what I'm saying. You kind of added me about this. I didn't get your son out of jail in China. You don't have to thank me. Did you thank the doctor for bringing you into this world? You better go back and find him cause you lucky. It's not that deep Lavar. It's Cuomo.

That's all. Don't overthink it. But here's what we learned. All right, that's where the Mo came from. Chris Mo. Cuomo. Not Chris Mo. Cuomo.

Lavar, get your head straight. Cuomo. Like Cuomo, like Google. Like the Google, Google Chrome. I get it, Cuomo. All right, that's it. That's your hip hop name in the hood, huh? Now I see how you get around.

Lavar Ball, thank you for coming on CNN tonight. I appreciate you taking the time. Hey, Chris Mo, thank you for having me on here, man. I appreciate you. Oh man, Lavar Ball. He, I mean, it was, it was Lavar's year. Like he, another year of our year, he should have been a nominee there.

He's the only person that I've ever seen make Steven A. Crack when they were screaming at each other at one point this year. And Steven A, he realized like, this is what I look like when I'm yelling at other people. And for a brief second, like Steven A's world shattered and he was like, my life is ridiculous. Right, someone does an impression of you

and you're like, fuck, that's me? Damn it. Steve A. Smith and Lavar. God, these two dogs tied up to stakes in the backyard separated by a fence yelling at each other. Oh my God. All right, next up, we have the very important Blake of the Year.

So we have two very good friends named Blake, Blake Griffin, Blake Bortles. And how we're gonna decide this, it's simple, it's democratic, we're not gonna choose favorites. We're gonna call both Blake Griffin and Blake Bortles while PFT times it and whoever picks up first wins Blake of the Year. All right, PFT, you have the clock.

I'm pulling it up right now. All right, we have Blake Bortles up first. Here we go. Okay, wait. Right when we call. Okay, ready? Set, go. Hello?

Hey, Blake, we'll actually call you right back because we're seeing who wins Blake of the Year for part of my take-takes. Call you right back. All right. All right, how long was that? That was 11.7 seconds. Wow.

That was quick, that's gonna be tough to beat. Blake Griffin, I mean, there's a 99% chance he doesn't pick up. We're gonna try. He's screening this. Here we go. I think these are all about, though. All right.

10.7, this is competition, guys. All right, here we go. Three, two, one. All right, he lost. Wow. Big mess. Wow, we're over 20 seconds. Wow, this is sad.

He got lapped. He got lapped. All right, I'm gonna hang up. Give it one more ring. Your call has been... Nope, Blake of the Year goes to Blake Bortles. I'm gonna call him back right now and let him know that he won.

Here we go. What if he doesn't pick up and he just forgot that we just called him? Hey, you won. Congrats, Blake. You are the Blake of the Year for Pardon My Blake. Pardon My Blake. Does that mean the other Blake didn't answer?

Yes. No. Yeah, he didn't answer. We called both, we timed it, and you picked it up in 11 seconds. Blake Griffin did not pick up, so if you wanna give an acceptance speech or anything, you are officially the Blake of the Year.

Yeah, well, I appreciate it. You guys caught me at a good time. I just reported the camp today. I actually just got done eating dinner and was getting off the can headed to my locker and I saw, I saw I was getting a call from Big Cat, so I figured, I was all answered, see what's going on. There we go.

How's camp going? Today's first day, you know, a little conditioning test and some physicals and what have you, but tomorrow's first practice, so it should be good. Did you pass your conditioning test? I actually didn't have to run it. Ooh, a big deal of Blake.

Just stand there and just watch everybody else run it because we do like this competition in the off season and my team won and like the reward was, you didn't have to run the conditioning test, so it was nice. Oh, wow. So I'm hearing some buzz around the Jaguars locker room and they're thinking, because Doug Morone,

Coach Doug Morone is tight with us and you're also tight with us, maybe a little teacher's pet going on. It could be some of that. Okay. We did our private photo shoot in the pool after you guys left. There we go.

All right, we'll have a good camp and we'll talk to you when camp breaks. Congrats, Blake. All right, congrats again, Blake of the Year. Thanks, man. All right, bye. I think Bortles was the heavy favorite going into that. Not surprised that he picked,

even though he was at practice. Yeah, well, no, he was just coming off the can. Right. Because he had had dinner. He went from dinner to the can to picking up our phone call to win Blake of the Year. What's interesting about that is the call was taped at like 5.30 in the afternoon.

So Blake in true Floridian fashion is starting to eat his dinners at 4.30. Blake Griffin did respond to me about a half hour later and tried to FaceTime me and then just came back and was like, no need to pick up my FaceTime. I didn't win Blake of the Year, we're done. So we'll see, we'll have to repair that one.

All right, so the next one is going to be the 19-year-old of the year. This was the year of the 19-year-old. Not creepy. Because it's 19. It's 19, they're adults. We have all the documentation on file if anybody wants to check.

Documents right here. Yeah, the nominees are Jason Tatum. People forget that he's 19. He's 19? People forget he's 19. No. Yes, he's young. Wow.

Yeah. And he's dunking on LeBron. In 19? And he was born after Chris Vince Carter was in the NBA. Damn, I didn't realize he was 19. Perry Ellis was a sophomore at Kansas when he was born. Second nomination is Christian Pulisic. He's 19?

He's 19. People forget that Christian Pulisic is 19. Fuck. Golden generation. Yeah, golden, there you go. USA Soccer. He's 19. Actually world champion United States soccer team.

Wow, so he's gonna go to a lot of World Cups if he's this good at ninth. Oh, shit. Never mind. But the winner of 19-year-old of the year goes to Mbappe. Ooh. Because people forget he's 19. I knew he was 19.

You didn't? That one, is he really, though? No, he's 19. Okay, so he is 19, yeah. Well, it's a French 19, so who knows? Yeah, that's true. That's very true. All funny with their math.

It's Catravan deeznuff. Yeah, how do you say 420? Catravan. Catravan. He's Catravan minus 41. That was one of the dumbest moments we've ever had as a podcast, by the way. When someone pointed out to us after that 420 and 80

are the same because 4 times 20 is 80. Yeah, that's what, yeah, that's, I didn't understand it. That's what I was trying to say. I remember, yeah, when we were the whole time, I was just like, I don't get this, so, yeah. I mean, when you start speaking French, the whole thing just kind of, my eyes glaze over.

But Mbappe. Mbappe is 19. Yes enough. True enough. All right, next up we have the invention of the year. So, this is a heavily contested group here. We have nominees. The car stick, invented by Hank,

which was invented in 2016, but finally came to factories around the US. I think we made 100 of them. In 2018, we did 100,000, actually sold out, and we keep selling out, because if you get a car stick, you'll never lose your phone again. We have Vince McMahon inventing football.

So, he invented the XFL, he invented football. Finally, football's back. We have two websites that are up for this. The website, mjvslbrown.net, and the website, draftjashallon.com. Whoever came up with that, kudos to you, man. Great job. That's a fucking invented, fired GeoCities websites.

Did Josh Allen get drafted? He got drafted, very, very highly. Man. Did people finally stop talking about Mjvslbrown? I think, yeah, they did. Wow, okay, good job. Disruption. But the winner, and this one was somewhat of a easy call here,

Mike Francesa, he invented fantasy sports, and we have the audio. If I created a game for you, that plays into your football, or basketball, or baseball expertise, and you could, for a 20 or $50 in total, have the chance to win big money, based on how you play it,

that will be an exciting play for you, okay? That will be a very exciting play for the average guy, and I think you can create something where the payoffs are not a dollar in a dream like the lottery, where the odds are you got a better chance of getting hit by lightning, but that if you have a skill, there will be a game,

I could create 10 games in 15 minutes if they gave me 15 minutes to do it, and those games, if created properly, will be very enticing to the public, and what's good about them is, the bookmakers don't have the same games. They don't have the mechanism. They don't like a couple of bets.

They don't like the chance of you winning a lot with a little, they frown on that, they don't want that. They want you to bet dollar for dollar, they really want you to pay 11 for 10 is what they want you to do, so they want that bet. They don't want this other bet, and this other bet is where the states, if they're imaginative, will make that money.

I can create a game in 15 minutes for you. Let's say I create a game where you get to pick five players tonight in the Major Leagues, right? And if your five players, based on numeric totals, have better offensive numbers for the night, then any other five players, you win $50,000, and the fee is $10 to get in. People will buy that.

They'll play it like crazy. They will play it all night, and you can create different ones. You can create ones that pay $10,000, that pay $5,000. If you give the average guy a chance to win $5,000 for his 10 bucks, he's gonna do it. That was maybe my favorite clip of the year. So it's daily, and you get with your friends,

and you say, I bet you this guy's gonna do better. I pick five guys, you pick five guys, like I could think of a million games if you gave me 10 minutes. Why hasn't anybody figured this out yet besides me? The best part about that is I don't listen to Mike Francesa, so I don't know what his show is like every day,

but I would guarantee he has read at least 100, 400, 500 fan duo Drafting ad in his life. And if he's watched a football game in the last four years, he's seen 500,000 ads for it. I like it. Those are the ideas where you're surrounded by it, but you never take it in until one day, the light bulb goes off, and you're like, boom.

Five guys versus five guys, best offensive stats. You put in a dollar, you can win 50,000. Bam. All right, the next award, this is the USO part of my take for the Troops Humility Award of the year for most humble sports fan who sits behind home plate in honor of first responders, teachers, police, and firefighters, and owns horses

that he paid with in cash, not on finance with cash. Award of the year, not affiliated with the USO. Who would ever win that one, PFT? Well, it's Marlins Man. Oh, man, who else was his nominators? It was just Marlins. Oh, okay, so Marlins Man wins that. We'll try to get him for comment.

Yeah, we'll see if we can get him on the horn. Yeah. All right, next up, we did this last year. I think we were right last year. What was our preemptive take of the year last year? It was Stephen A. Smith, shit, what did he do? Oh, he was saying that somebody deserved to be murdered by someone else, I think.

I'm pretty sure he said that at some point this year. So we do the preemptive take of the year where we predict what the take of the year for next year is gonna be, and the nominees are Stephen A. Smith, accusing Tom Brady of doing steroids. I feel like that's coming. We, as a podcast, are predicting that Kevin Durant

will demand a trade to San Antonio because San Antonio has spotty cell phone service and he won't be able to get triggered online as easily. And he's got all those chips on his shoulder, so he'll love all the tortillas that come out. Good point, good point. And then the winner, why don't you read it, PFT? The winner of preemptive take of the year.

It's going to go to Skip Bayless for saying that LeBron James is destroying the American educational system by making children stay up too late to watch West Coast games. And that's, I mean, that's definitely gonna happen. Ruining America's futures, yep. That's definitely gonna happen.

Should've thought about that, LeBron. Or, and a little spin off on that, he's gonna say something like, if LeBron stumbles out of the gate next year, he's gonna be like, LeBron's getting a pass because he's playing late night West Coast games so people aren't watching as much and they don't realize that he's over the hill.

Something like that. Something with the time zones is coming out of Skip Bayless. Thankfully, Skip Bayless lives out West. He'll deputize himself to be the watchdog and guardian of America to make sure that LeBron James' feudalness is being shed too late. Yes. All right, we are rounding up.

We got a few left. PFT, you got the next one? Yeah, this one is the, it's a new award for us this year. It's the inaugural Hunter S. Thompson or Ernest Hemingway best American sports writing award for excellence in narrative storytelling and sports. And it goes to Bleacher Report's social media account. Ooh.

So here are some examples of some of the things that they've put together with a 35 person social media team. This is, this one's just a quote tweet of at NBA that says, DeMar DeRozan is joined by his buddy, Kyle Rowley, Lowry at USA Basketball Minicamp. And the tweet is cry emoji, cry emoji, crying emoji. That's pretty good journalism right there. Here's another one.

This is, it appears to be a GIF of Pete Carroll and it says, bruh. That's it? Yeah, but wait, that's just the first, that's the first act. The second act is, looks like this is David Johnson from the Arizona Cardinals and it says, bruh, part two. So it's a thread. Oh, it's a bruh thread.

A bruh thread, yes. Okay, I have one here for you. It's just a picture of a bunch of soccer players that get paid a lot of money. And it just says, only hunnids in the bank for these foot ballers, all caps, and then the cash and then the little bank bag. So foot ballers, get it?

Yeah, that's very good. Only hunnids too. They made you realize that they're actually really cool because they didn't spell hundreds. They said hunnids. Hunnids, hunnids. And then here's one where Trevor Booker got into the Cavs huddle during a game.

This appears to be an early regular season NBA game. Okay. And the tweet is, Trevor Booker was all up in the Cavs huddle, crying emoji, skull emoji. So best American sports writing goes to Bleacher Report. Oh man, they really crushed it this year. Oh wait, there was another one. Oh, we got breaking moves.

Real quick, can I, yeah, you gotta make sure to include this one, okay? This is a Bleacher Report tweet as well. It is a manual RT. So the tweet says, RTaskmen.com, 10 politicians that'll make rock stars look like virgins. Oh. I'm loving it, both these things are simultaneously.

The cow dying in that RT of that. All right, breaking moves. Kevin Durant has responded to the BB, well, BBB gate. Yeah, BBB gate, yeah, BBB gate. Someone, he's had Team USA camp and someone asked him about it and he said, how am I the upset one? Maybe he was upset.

He said, I know you think I'm sensitive, but I'm just somebody who's tired of holding shit in. Ooh. So he probably should get a little laxative going, maybe eat some more fiber in his diet. That sounds like he's kind of backed up. Sounds like he could use something creamy and delicious. Do you guys ever get a craving

for something creamy and delicious all the time, Hank? Sometimes at night, I need something creamy and delicious and nothing satisfies me. That craving like low fat chocolate milk and not only helps with recovery after a tough workout, it's delicious and it's low fat. Learn more at billichocomilk.com. Some fucking nerd at chocolate milk thinks

he's the funniest person ever. No, he is. No, that nerd is my man. That's my man's. Nerd of the Year award, Ravel, you lot, no, you're going again. By the way, Durant does this great thing. He literally just did a press conference,

or not a press conference, but it was like a media scrum where he just said he wasn't mad and how was he the one mad and just kept on doing like the first grade thing where you just ask back the question you're asked until the person just gives up. Or he's like, why do you think I was mad? Yeah, why?

Why? Oh, and I'm the mad one? Am I the mad one or is he the mad one? But he was mad. But he was mad, but I'm the mad one. But I thought you said he was mad. Yeah, but what? Okay, so I'm mad?

It's actually very effective. Yeah, no. I totally forgot that he wasn't mad. No, he's not mad at all. He asked and I don't really know anymore. All right, rounding up, we got four Takies left, including the best ones, The Bad Take of the Year, and the Stephen A. Smith's Take of the Year,

but first, we have the Rick Riley joke of the year. So, PFT, let's do this the same way that we did the Oberman tweets, I'm gonna read them to you and you can decide who wins. Okay. Rick Riley, joke of the year, nominees, flags hanging limp today at the Playboy Mansion with the death of Hugh Hefner, 91.

The classic flags that fly outside the Playboy Mansion we're all familiar with. Yes, and flags are always limp, usually, if there's not a wind. Well, except if it's the moon landing one, where they put a wire in it to make it look like it was standing up. I liked it, it was very classy of him to put comma, 91,

just so we know. Bringing Rudy Giuliani in to fix a legal problem is like bringing Edward Scissorhands in to do a bris. A bris? A bris, bris? Yeah, talking certain decisions. I was thinking cheese, I was cutting up some cheese.

Well, you kind of do cut some of the cheese out. True, so we're both right. So, Rick Riley talking about cutting babies' penises when talking about Rudy Giuliani legal problems? Well, it kind of looks like a baby's penis. Okay, yeah. All right, that one I'm gonna cover, never mind. Oh, where's that kid?

Nobody knows. My God, putting an Augusta Green today, oh, putting. Geez, I'm like hankering now. My God, putting an Augusta Green today is like putting down the hood of a 1963 Corvette. Now that's a paired, that's a paired one, because the one that comes after it really makes it sing. Okay, he was already laying four

when his putt took off with a marble down the hood of a Tesla. Yeah, so he's real big on rolling marbles and spherical objects on the hoods of cars. That we'll never own. Yes. So like cars that literally 0.001% of the entire world will ever even be able to see.

Rick Riley just has like a mad lib pulled up at all times and it's just like a car brand name, type of spherical object, tooth. All right, last one. When it comes to game info, Cam Newton is a Fez dispenser. I gotta give it to that last one. Yeah.

When Cam was wearing the thing that kinda looked like a Fez? Yeah. Yeah, a Fez dispenser, that's good. Yeah, that's good. Is that even a toy? What is that? The candy that people actually do. I used to have a Fez dispenser,

but like, God damn, did they trick you into eating some shitty candy? It was really bad. It was like, it was smarties without all the flavors. Right, so they basically were like, hey, we'll just charge you a shitload of money and you have to keep buying this shitty candy that no one wants.

That was a scam like Beanie Babies before Beanie Babies. It's like, one day this Fez dispenser might be worth 50 cents. Right, right, the best picture ever, the Beanie Baby divorce. Yeah. When they're separating up their Beanie Babies, billions of dollars.

All right, we're rounding it up. We got a few left, PFT, go ahead. This is for Song of the Year. The nominees are the goodbye to Mike Greenberg song, the Mike and Mike farewell song. I will remember you by part of my take. The other nominee is the Color Rush Anthem by part of my take. Okay.

With Wheeler Walker. With Wheeler Walker. Featuring Wheeler Walker. And the winner is gonna be Drink Paint by part of my take featuring Tyler I am and Sonny Digital. Yes, so here's a little bit of Drink Paint. Oh yeah, part of my take, taking over for the 9-9 and also the 2000s.

Drink Paint. That's grip. Drink Paint. Getting lit. Drink Paint. That's my shit. Drink Paint. That's grip.

Sipping out some glossy white. Wash it down, stomach's tight. Hand me a straw, head feeling light. Chugging primer, like it's bright. I eat pieces of grip like you for breakfast. I'm on your head, weigh you down like I'm a necklace. Give you CTE, then you forget this. Driving RV3, driving reckless.

Drink Paint. That's grip. Drink Paint. Getting lit. Drink Paint. That's my shit. Drink Paint. That's grip.

Big cat with a juicy taint. I'm going hard in the motherfucking pain. I'm a dirty boy, ain't no sign. Huff the fumes until I faint. Got a pine finish when I stay my deck. Watch it drip right down my neck. Paint, look that paint in my mustache. Paint all in my butt crack.

Paint all in my nutstack. Drink Paint. That's grip. Drink Paint. Getting lit. Drink Paint. That's my shit. Drink Paint.

That's grip. Co-co, down in the bio. Co-co, hold that toggle. Co-co, down in the bio. Co-co, hold that toggle. All right, we got three left. We're going to go to the heavy hitters. So these last three awards are the big boys.

We're going to start with the bad take of the year. So we, because we're journalists and we understand we make mistakes, we've also tossed ourselves in here. So we'll start off with me saying that it's Duke's year over and over because while I did say it sometimes in jest, I really did think they were going to win the title and I turned out to be wrong. I want to start the show by saying something

that is going to be set in stone and we can not come back from it. Are you ready? Well, I guess I have no choice. Yes, okay, here it is. The Duke Blue Devils are going to win the national championship. All right, there we go.

And this isn't a reverse jinx. I know what you're thinking, Big Cat, you hate Duke. You hate everything about Coach K. You think he fakes injuries. You hate Grayson Allen. You're still bitter about 2015. No, no, no. They're definitely going to win the national championship.

You heard it here first. There's, it's now, it's done. They shouldn't even play it. Bubba, write it down. Duke is winning the national championship. Congrats. You don't even need to play the tournament. Coach K, take a lap.

Congrats to Duke. Good job, Duke. Figured how to, how to win this the straight way. And he's probably not going to get involved in any of this FBI and CAAA stuff. No, definitely not. I think it's all above board. Chef Kapil is in shady at all.

Clean as can be. Yeah. So congrats to Duke. Don't even need to play it. And that is going to do it. Kansas is still dancing and heading to San Antonio. Well, I personally am just sad because I spent the last month, two months,

three months saying that Duke was definitely going to win the title this year. And the shame that I feel for letting everyone down, for telling you that it was guaranteed, locked up, no matter what happens, Duke is winning the title. They're the best team in the country. They have the most talent. The best fans, too.

And they're definitely going to win. And then to have that blow up in my face after I really thought it was going to happen, it's a real, real, real shame. I feel awful. PFT, probably a couple of weeks ago, said that it would be a good idea to tell girls you're a virgin.

It's a good dating move. Yeah, good dating move. At some point in life, doesn't that become almost like a really good line to use, though? I think after you turn, I don't know about that. After you turn like 30, and you say like, I'm a virgin by choice,

I feel like there's an element that the girl is like, I want to be the one. I want to be the one that like makes him switch over to the other team. No, I don't. I think it becomes more positive after 30 than it does between the age of like 18 and 29. We have Mike Wilbon and Tony Kornheiser

before the baseball season started saying the Mets are for real. Here's the audio of that. Do you believe that a team that was in such disarray a season ago would be a serious contender now? Absolutely, they just swept the Nats and they swept them in Washington. I think if they are healthy, yes,

didn't they go to the World Series a few years ago when they were healthy? Tony, I think two of the teams that were overlooked when people started talking about the National League and there are a ton of teams in the National League. The Mets and the Cardinals and the Giants. Oh, the Giants. But the Mets have had the relative health

that made them a World Series team two years ago. We have Colin Coward saying the Sixers aren't going to win 40 games. Here's that. The over-under on the Philadelphia 76ers is 40 games. Does they make one of 40 games? But the winner is Mike Lombardi

for basically calling Doug Peterson the worst coach in the NFL and a joke of a coach. Completely unqualified. Completely unqualified to coach the Philadelphia Eagles who then went on to win the Super Bowl. Not getting invited to the White House, oh yeah. And not only win the Super Bowl, but like Doug Peterson coaches balls off in that game.

Trick plays and all that kind of going on fourth down. So Mike Lombardi, you win bad take of the year. This is the pin ultimate. Yup. Award, love that word. This is the Stephen A. Smith take of the year. The first nominee is Stephen A. saying that the Cavs will intentionally lose to Toronto

to avoid Kyrie. That's a fucking great take. And it almost came true. Yeah, so we don't have audio of that, but I have the exact quote. He said, it was, this is, I mean, I love when he, when he's feeling, when he's feeling himself and he gets these,

these kind of takes going. He said, I believe that it would be very, very convenient for the Cleveland Cavaliers to lose to Toronto in the semifinals because that way they don't have to face Boston in the Eastern Conference finals and worry about losing to them. I think that way things are going right now.

You've got some members of the Cleveland Cavaliers that already know where they're going for vacation. If the beginning of May, if they continue on this track, I think they'll be like, bump it, we done any damn way. All right, so that's it. He just doesn't want to play Kyrie who wasn't playing.

The next nominee is saying that the Sixers are going to go to the Eastern Conference finals and then on to the NBA finals. We do have that audio. Ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement to make. I have an announcement to make. I am no longer on this bandwagon that the Cleveland Cavaliers, meaning LeBron James,

will get to the NBA finals. What? Why? Ladies and gentlemen, I made a mistake last week when I said that the Philadelphia 76ers are going to the conference finals. I was wrong.

I'm picking the Philadelphia 76ers to go all the way to the finals. I am of the belief that the Philadelphia 76ers are the team to beat and they are going to the finals. That one missed just a little bit. Just a touch. Just a touch.

Then we have him clowning Nick Foles. Steven A, what do you think they should do with Foles? Should the Eagles keep him? I think they should trade him. He then went on to win the Super Bowl. Super Bowl, okay, all right, all right, Steven A, you're hot, you're hot. But the winner of the Steven A Smith Take of the Year Award

is actually a take that we agree with. Yes. Steven A Smith, he got this one dead to rights. The man loves asses. He's a bottom feeder. Ass or titties. Always, always ass. That's true.

I'm gonna answer that. I mean, I know I'm associated with Walt Disney, but damn it, everybody knows that I'm a bottom feeder. Okay. I mean, we all know that. All right. That is such a great clip. I love that clip so much.

Steven A Smith, yeah, I'm a bottom feeder. That little mustache tickle in your butt. Ass or titties, Snoop Dogg said. I'm on a Disney show, but you know I like the ass. Gotta do it. All right, we finally reached the point. The point everyone's been waiting for. It is the podcast listeners of the year.

Now, if you're listening right now, if you're an award-winning listener, you've been an award-winning listener two times over, this is your attempt at a three-peat. This is your dynasty moment. It's the hardest thing to do in sports. Yep. And I don't know.

I mean, it's been a tough year. We don't know. I mean, we actually have grown every single month, month over month, pardon my take, keeps growing in listeners and subscribers, so that's good. There were some ups and downs. There was one point that Hank tweeted

that we would release an episode early if it got, I think, 6,900 retweets. Bit ambitious on our part. A little bit. Didn't quite make it. There was that other time that someone snitched to Hank when he was on vacation and said, make sure that you tweet icicle

to know that you listened, but that was a snitch. That was a big snitch. So there was a couple up and downs. There were some speed bumps along the way, but overall, I think it was a pretty strong year, so. Yeah, so should I announce it? Yeah. All right, here we go.

Well, the nominees. Yeah, the nominees are, what, the Rogaholics? The Rogaholics. The Bill Simmons podcast listeners. The Dan Carlin history buffs. Yep. And CJ McCollum's podcast, because Kevin Garrett went on his fucking podcast.

Arian Nation, Arian Foster podcast. I think that's the name of it, right? That's the name of it, yep. And the pardon my take award-winning listeners, so I am going to open it. Let's see the winner of podcast of the year listeners goes to. Thank you. Why are you guys doing that?

What does it mean? You don't get the joke, Hank. Come on, let's, come on, Hank, come on. You don't get that, really? You don't get the reference? You don't get that joke? No. You guys won again.

Love you guys.