Pardon My Take - The 2019 Takies With Blake Griffin, Brooks Koepka, Blake Bortles, And Many More Celebrities

Episode Date: July 12, 2019

The 2019 Takies are here. But first Woj dropped a Woj bomb so we discuss Chris Paul being traded for Russ Westbrook. Fyre Fest of the Year.  The 2019 Takies with special celebrity appearances from Billy Gunn, Andy Dick, Perry Ellis, Bob Vance from Vance Refrigeration, Bruno Mars the Chihuaha and More.  Takies given out include  -Worst Take of the Year (34:31-37:00)-Boston Sports Heartbreak of the Year (31:24-34:30)-Chonk Athlete of the Year (39:11-40:59)-AAF Week of the Year (41:00-45:57)-Mike Tomlin Quote of the Year(45:58-47:32)-Still Alive Person Of the Year (1:20:35-1:22:08) And many many more including the all important Blake of the Year (1:23:19-1:49:13)You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music. On today's pardon my take, the 2019 Takies are here. Yes, it is that time of the year where there are no sports going on, so we have our award show, the most important award show in all of sports, the 2019 Takies. We have a ton of awards. I think we have 24 awards that we're handing out tonight.

We have Rising Star of the Year. We have Worst Take of the Year, Mike Tomlin Quote of the Year, still a live person of the year, and of course, Blake of the Year. So a lot of good, good stuff coming your way. Before we do all that though, pardon my take is brought to you by the Cash App. You know what? I'm going to go off script for a second. I'm going to give the takey to the best presenting sponsor of this show to the Cash App.

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Today is Friday, July 12th, and we have the 2019 Takies. It's just a pleasure to be here. There's been so many great takes that have taken place this year. So many great blakes that have existed this year. So many great sports moments, memories, faux pas, caliparis, just a great year for sports in general. So many great sports, I want to say, because we're being nice to each other this year. You guys look great, it's a black tie affair, we're dressed to the nines.

You look great, Hank. Thank you. You got a great pin. What does that pin say? It says Duke's Year. Oh, okay, that's nice. This past year or this year? Both.

Well, we'll get to it. Every year. It's Schrodinger's Year. Yes, exactly. Schrodinger's Year. All right, we got to do a couple things before we get to the Takies. The first is Mike Vrable, Coach Vrable, who is football guy of the week, some week that he won, recurring guest, has won up all of our bets.

So whether it be eating horse poop, whether it be cutting off a finger, whether it be getting a cat, Mike Vrable said that if he wins a Super Bowl, he'll cut off his dick. Well, what he said was he would cut off his dick to win the Super Bowl. So this is like some alternate universe where some is like spirit or maybe the devil. It sounds like a deal with the devil where he pops up through the ground in the middle of Broadway and Nashville and says, Coach Vrable, if you remove your penis, I will grant you a Super Bowl ring. And his response was, well, I've been married for 20 years.

My wife would probably be psyched. So yeah, so yeah, I do it. I don't need my dick anymore. Also, I think that we were going to get to a point in science in the next 20 years. We're not going to probably figure out this whole climate change thing, but getting like dick replacement surgery, that might have already happened. Yeah, no, it has happened. Oh, OK.

Because there was some billionaire. He went overseas and he died during the surgery to make his dick bigger. Oh, so then they took his dick and gave it to someone else? I assume that they give it that it's like a transplant thing where they give it to somebody who has the big dick. And then that, well, it's probably a corpse. So they probably take a corpse with a giant dick and Milton Burl, it cut off Milton Burl's dick and then they replace it with a tiny dick as he's buried.

Either way, it is disappointing that Coach Vrable did not say this on our show. That's all I got to say. That is that is pretty. That's really the part. I didn't think, hey, that's crazy. A man said he would cut off his own dick to win a Super Bowl. Nope. I'm like, hey, come on, Coach, you listen to the show, you're a current guest, you're

a football guy of the week and you saved it for what? Your fucking offensive linemen's podcast. Yeah, I would feel disrespected, honestly, if I was a defensive lineman or a defensive back on that team and he didn't say that on my podcast. True. I'd be like, what? You're showing favoritism towards the big, ugly, so it's pretty messed up. Yeah.

If you were Tim Tebow, like, or I'll spin it this way, if you were the, like, thousands of Filipino orphans who had Tim Tebow cut their dicks off and they don't get any titles, that's kind of messed up. That's true. Vrable's like rubbing salt in that wound. Yes. Like, this deal should work for every, it should be transferable to everyone for your favorite team.

Belchak's the kind of guy who would cut off his dick one year too early instead of one year too late. Yes. That's why he's won all those titles. Vrable is chasing a ghost. Yeah. If you have Bagel Boss Guy who's taken over the internet, I don't really know what else to say except PFT.

Would you like to comment? Yeah. As our resident short guy? I would like to comment. Thank you, Big Cat, because we need to... Wait, what? Who is the Bagel Boss Guy? Bagel Boss Guy is this five foot tall guy who went viral because he freaked out at Bagel

Boss. Apparently, someone at Bagel Boss... That's a restaurant? What a great name for a Bagel place. Right. It's apparently someone behind the counter said, would you like a mini Bagel? Which was the trigger. He also ordered a whole wheat bagel with a slice of Swiss and egg white, so one of the

worst bagel orders of all time. It's pretty weird. Kind of deserved the mini bagel dig there. He went viral. He basically challenged everyone at Bagel Boss to a fight, and then some guy just came in. It wasn't even like a wrestling movie. Just kind of sat on him a little bit.

Yeah. It was almost like a Yokozuna. It was just a nursery. The guy just walked into him, and the guy fell down and got pinned to the ground. He looked like, if you've ever seen nature videos, or like a Steve Irwin video, where he takes down a small mammal so we can tag it and then release it. That's what it looked like. I call this guy Salt Bagel.

Do you guys remember Salt Bagel? Yes, we do. With a little sprinkle thing? Yes. But yeah, Big Cat, thank you for asking me if I'd like to speak for him. I would like to speak for him because... As a short guy. We need to self-police.

Okay? Yeah. We need to self-police ourselves because things are getting out of hand here. That guy does not speak for all undersized people out there. Short people. He speaks for himself. And maybe, you know, this might be... So you're disavowing from the short community as the head spokesman of the short people?

I can't speak for the short community because I'm not one, but I'm saying if I were like two inches shorter, this is what I would say. I would say that, you know, this person does not speak for the entire community. And I'm challenging him to a fist fight. So I'm trying to track him down. I'm officially challenging him to rough and rowdy. If I can find this guy... That's a fair fight, too.

High-wise. Yeah, it is. You know what I would do? I would go into soccer players, got into the scuffle, and the guy did the like head thing, like your so short thing. I would do that to him because I would feel like a giant against him, and I would defeat him easily. But yeah, bagel boss guy, he's canceled.

Oh! There's no other way to say it. You canceled him. I think humanity canceled bagel boss guy a long time ago. I think his YouTube channel canceled himself, yeah. Yeah, he's not a good guy, but I'm glad that there was somebody there that took matters in their own hands. By videotaping.

Yes, by videotaping. And giving it to all of us. And uploading it for all the clicks and all the likes. That's the real hero here. You know who I really blame? Carbs. You don't see this type of thing happening in a jerky store. Yeah, or Just Salad.

Or Just Salad. Where Hank's been just going every day. If you're Keto and you're short, you don't act out like this. By the way, Hank, I still can't get over, I know I make this joke every day, but the fact that the restaurant's called Just Salad is so genius. Every day I go, I'm going to get salad. Just Salad? Yeah, and it's like, yeah, Just Salad.

Like, they have anything else? No, it's Just Salad. It's not a name. It's Just Salad. But I like the idea of going to a salad place knowing that I can go off the rails. You refresh that joke every day. Because I'm so confused that there's actually a place called Just Salad. No, I'm saying you do it.

You nail it on the head every time. Yes. Like you set yourself up for it. It's Just Salad. I'm going to get a bunch. Well, you also, if we want it, let's get out of being nice. You have a little bowl that you walk around with that says Just Salad, which is a weird move.

You get two free extras. You just walk around with your bowl all day. Yeah, you are kind of like a walking billboard for vitamins. You're flaunting your salad like hours at a time. It's not just a sit and eat. You just flaunt your Just Salad bowl. I'm sorry for interrupting you, PFT. OK.

Well, no, it wasn't an interruption. Kind of was. I have a Seeky question. Thanks, Hank. I have a Seeky question for you, PFT. OK. Promo Code Take put in Promo Code Take. You get $10 off Seeky purchase.

Has Sam Decker signed yet? I don't believe that he has. OK. Sam Decker watch still going on. It continues. We will get him signed. Sam Decker watch 2019. Breakers season?

Oh, no. No. He's an NBA player. He's an NBA player. I mean, the offer's on the table. Yeah. Oh, if he wants it. If he wants it.

But really, yeah. He's going to get signed. We're just making sure that everyone remembers. You know what? I've actually heard. Let's try this. Yes, yes. I've heard from numerous teams.

So Leroy is reporting a lot of sources right now saying that there is a bidding war going on for Sam Decker. I heard the Suns. Between four mystery teams. Yeah, the Suns, the Wizards, the Bucks, and the Lakers, and the Clippers. Yeah. So it's getting really spicy. It's a Los Angeles battle for Decker.

Damn. And then the other thing we were going to do real quick before we get to the 2019 Takies, let's do a little firefests of the week. We actually have them out Rushmore inside of the Takies because we have some very special guests that are presenting some of these awards for us, presenting the winners. So the Russian nesting doll of an award ceremony. You'll be shocked to see some of the names that are part of the 2019 Takies. Let's call it Star Studded.

It would be an understatement. Yes. Understatement. Hank, you want to start with your firefests of the week? Not really. Okay. So why don't you start? No, you go.

No. I don't think you have one. Do you not have yours yet? Do you not have one? I have one what? A firefest of the week. Of course I do. Okay.

My firefest of the week this week is just the fact that I don't get to read ads today. Oh, yeah. I got that high. As you guys know, I'm sure, I mean, I didn't realize like, you know, I'm usually just behind the scenes, clicking buttons when the show's over. It's really nothing. I'm just kind of high after, you know, reading ads and just being in front of the mic. It was, it was something else in these past few days.

I've just been kind of like, I don't know what to do with myself. Do you want to just read an ad for a company that's not a sponsor? Just to like, to get back into the practice of it? How about, how about I read an ad for chocolate milk? Oh, okay. Breaking Moose. Hank is going to read a chocolate milk ad right now. Breaking Moose.

This is the like dumbest way we've backed into an ad ever because we did not plan to do that. So I was in the gym the other day with Ennis Cantor. I saw him there. He was working out. Enis. Enis. Enis.

Like penis. I think it's Ennis. Yeah, I think so too. And he had a cock-a-mime way of doing the bench press. It was like weird, you know, he had different weights on different sides. Kek-a-mime. And that was crazy, but luckily I gave him some chocolate milk. I said, even if you hurt yourself doing this cock-a-mime way of bench pressing, you can

drink a chocolate milk and you'll get better. By the way, did he actually have different weights on each side? Yeah, it was cock-a-mime. He was probably just making a mistake because I think we've all done that at some point at the gym where you put like a 25 pound weight on one side and a 35 on the other and you're like, oh yeah, this is the same. And then you start lifting it and it's all cock-a-mime. Now comes the part that we aren't supposed to read, built with chocolatemilk.com.

Okay. Nice. Great job, Hank. By the way, were you actually there with Cantor actually there? No. Wow. What a roller coaster of a story that was. You were supposed to cue me up for this week.

Your words are cock-a-mime and it's Cantor, but I just improvised and just did it. That was good. That was good. That was really good. You had me fooled. I thought that he was working out with a basketball player. By the way, you don't think I would have mentioned that in passing? Yeah, you definitely would have.

We don't talk off the air. We're like Mike and Mike where the three of us don't speak to each other. Yeah, the end of the years of Mike and Mike. Did you, the reaction to your ad reads was fantastic because it was either... I was stunned. Was it either very, very much against or very, very much pro? I thought everyone was going to be against, so the fact that there was anyone that was positive felt a lot.

I got a lot of Instagram followers at Henry Walkwood One, shout out to everyone that followed me. So it's been a good few days. It's like the old Howard Stern thing. They say that the people that didn't like him listened twice as long as the people that did. So people were probably, the ones that hated you that tweeted at us complaining were probably rewinding and listening to the ads multiple times.

Correct. So good job, Hank. Great job, Hank. Thank you guys. Thank you for being here and there. Wow. Yeah. That would mean a lot.

Okay. It was also a lie. PFC, what do you got? My fire fest of the week is, so I had to fill out a credentialing thing for, I'm going to the next DNC debates. We stick to sports on part of my take, but I'm covering the 2020 election. Cops are coming for you right now. They are because I'm not sticking to sports.

But I had to fill out a credentialing thing and probably 99% of it was numbers based where I had to put in like social security number because there's like a lot of security things that go into checking people's backgrounds before they let them in. So it's probably a four or five minute credentialing process, which feels like two hours when you're on your phone trying to fill this stuff out and all the numbers, it was the horizontal keyboard that popped up on my phone to do all the numbers and it made me really miss that moment. You want to talk about a Mount Rushmore thrills, the thrill that you get inside your body when

the normal telephone keyboard pops up on the screen that you get to put numbers into your phone. I don't know who the engineers are that developed that, but tip of the cap to you because this was the worst five minutes of my week by far. That sucks. Yeah. That sounds terrible. That's the worst thing I had to do this week.

Yeah. That sounds like it. That's a firefest. Awful stuff. Awful stuff. And then you know what happened? I submitted and then it didn't let me send it through because it's like, oh, you didn't fill this one part out correctly, had asterisks all over the place.

I had to go back and resubmit certain parts with the numbers. Awful. Oof. My firefest is, it's actually a regret for something I did, but I wish I hadn't. So I was walking with my son, yes, I had a baby, no big deal, sex once, but there was a spider on his stroller and I thought for a second, let this spider bite my son so I can be the father of Spider-Man. Okay.

But then I killed the spider. But ever since I've been thinking I just messed with like the laws of nature and I kind of fucked up Marvel forever. Also your son is going to grow up without immunity to spiders. True. Because you're supposed to eat what? Like eight? Eight years.

I remember I ate all my spiders in 2014. A spider a week gets you on fleek. Do you think I should have let the spider bite my son? I think just a little bit, just like one fang. Like that, there was a moment, and this is a really stupid thing to omit, but there was a moment where I stopped and I was like, yo, is Spider-Man about to be like created again? Well, I mean, you've said privately off the air that you're not going to vaccinate your son.

Which is, you know, this is in keeping with that, no poking of any sort, if it's a needle, if it's a fang. You misunderstood, I'm only going to vaccinate him with spiders. So we're just going to get all the spiders in the world. Here's what you do, you inject a spider with a tiny bit of the MMR vaccine and then you let the spider grow. Yeah, just like your son. That way it's more like of a homeopathic natural way to vaccinate.

This is fucked up to think about, because I've been watching Stranger Things too, and that shows fucked, man. Kids like that show? Yeah. What? Kids love that show. Fuck. By the way.

They be scared forever. You guys need to get on the big little lives train. We need to talk about that show. Okay, I will watch it. I will watch it. I will watch it. Meryl Streep. When is the finale?

Probably not for a few weeks. All right, I'll try to catch up. I will try to catch up. Yeah. All right. They're hour-long episodes. Yeah. Okay.

Oh, and it flies by. You can do it, Hank. They go by... How many episodes of season one? I think there are seven. I'm going to make a promise to you. I will catch up by the season finale. Okay.

I will watch a few episodes this weekend. It's funny watching Nicole Kidman, because when she gets really upset, she slides back into her Australian accent. It's like me when I don't really have anything else to say. I slide into an Australian accent. That's exactly what she does. Okay. Should we do it?

Should we do the take-ees? Corgi. Let's do the take-ees. Before we do that, a quick word from our friends at Devour. Devour is the only frozen meal with the Cajones to make a pizza with three kinds of pepperoni. Get out of here with one pep pie. New pizza alert. Devour Foods has introduced a new line of incredibly meaty and craveable, cheesy pizzas.

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That sounds delicious. You got to try it. It is bold and it is delicious. Devour is always pushing it. They said, hey, look, the frozen pizza genre, people have not had any kind of innovation in that world for a very long time. Not with Devour though. They're coming here.

They are disrupting. They're like the Silicon Valley disruptor of the frozen food world. You can do it right now. Go to Devour. Get it all the time. You can get it in your frozen food aisle. What are you going to say, PFT? I walked into the kitchen here at the office the other day and I saw a Devour pizza.

I legitimately asked. I go, that's why you had your pants off? I said, well, that and also is jacking off. But I saw the pizza and I said, where'd you guys deliver pizza from? That looks really good. And it was that old, I'm not going to say the name of the company, but it's not delivery company. It was that commercial, but it happened in real life because it looked that good.

Yes, because that was the Devour that they were eating in the office. So go right now. Find it all the time in your grocery store. The frozen food aisle Devour has all new types of pizza, three-way pep. They say there's no such thing as bad pizza, but Devour disagrees. Meat free pizza is bad pizza. I agree with that. You won't have to worry about that with Devour's new line of thick and meaty pizza featuring

choices like the carnivore and the three-way pep. Okay, boys. Do we have some like dramatic music or something that we're going to play underneath this? Maybe the music. Oh, do the music that they? Chomp. No, no, no. Do the music that they do when they're walking up to get the Super Bowl trophy.

Yes. What is that? No, I was about to do. That's just Roger Gidell's sweating and breathing. Yeah, do that. We're all touching the Super Bowl trophy right now, and we're about to do it. The 2019 Takies. You ready?

I was born ready. I'm going to just keep talking while I get my notes up. Are you ready? I'm also pulling my notes up, so I'm almost ready. I'm ready for the two. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome. Yes. Here we go.

This feels good. To the part in my take studio presented by Cash App, it is the 2019 Takie Awards. 24 Takies we are giving out today, and we are starting the first Takie is going to the rising star of the year. This is going to three guys nominated for their rising star in the hot take world. The first is Paul Pierce, who has been a absolute lightning bolt. If he famously said, I think this series is over after the Milwaukee Bucks beat or sorry, the Celtics beat the Bucks in the first game of a game they then lost in five.

I don't know where Milwaukee goes from here because of what are you? Whoa, whoa, whoa. So is this over? No, listen, I think it's over. Then he said that he pooped his pants afterwards to throw people off the scent. He has. He has been a true, true rising star. Then we have Ryan Hollins.

You would probably recognize him as guy who is on first take when Kellerman or Stephen A. aren't on and he had he's had a lot of takes, but none better than saying, Yannis can't be in the MVP conversation in December agreed. I don't know why I agree, but it feels right. He just was very adamant that don't even talk about a big man, a big man can't win the MVP. Don't put Yannis's name in your lips. When Max Kellerman looks at you like your takes are terrible and disgust me, you got a problem.

Yes. Yeah. Or physically discussed when you know you're a rising star. Yeah, the weird thing is, I bet you that Ryan Hollins would get along really well with Stephen A. Smith who takes like those like Max Kellerman. He is too intellectual. He thinks before he speaks, which is his big problem. If you're in the take game, you got to be firing these takes out like from your gut

from the bottom of your intestines. The doesn't matter which hole they come out, but it's got to come from within you. It's not coming from your brain. It's true. And then the final nominee is Jay Williams, a recurring guest, but he had to take Duke can beat the calves in the fall. Duke lost 24 hours later to Gonzaga in the Maui Invitational. Yeah, that's tough.

They didn't even make a final four. That's tough. That's really tough. And I love when a take like that gets busted up that quickly. And on top of all that, shout out to Jay Williams because someone has to carry the torch going forward to do name college team that's really good can beat worst, the worst team in the professional league. No, we need to have that every year.

I'm waiting for a billionaire to step in and make one of these games actually happen. This feels like an Elon Musk situation where he rents out the Rose Bowl and he gets let's call them probably Clemson. He'll get Clemson out there. Well, no, Georgia was the best team in college football. So it'll be Georgia against, let's say the Cleveland Browns. No, we can't do the Browns. He's not Browns fans.

Okay. The Bengals and the Browns. All star team of the Bengals and the Browns mixed together coach by Hugh Jackson. Yes. It is true, though. It's like when you see, you know, when they'll write the story about a rookie phenom that it takes a couple of months for them to catch on like, Hey, is this guy really this good that this the saying Duke can beat the Cavs is like Jay Williams arrival moment.

He's just letting everyone know, Hey, I'm here now to just spew some bullshit out here. I'm for real. So all right. Who's the winner? Who is Hank, your boy, Paul Pierce. Congrats, Paul. Paul Pierce. The truth.

Congratulations. The truth. Tells no lies. Here's the truth. And also he, I love the truth, but do you guys see his outfit at the Espeys? No. It's tough. Really?

It was like wrinkly. It looks like if I went to the Espeys. Yeah. Like, I have, I have one suit that I wear when I have to wear a suit. And I usually like, it's like, Oh shit, suit night. Let me take it out. Like, don't, don't get it dry clean. Just put on a shirt that doesn't even really match.

That's funny. I'm kind of the same way. A little bit overweight. Like it was too tight. I'm sure Hank, if you were invited to, what is the most formal occasion you could conceivably ever be? The Oscar awards, maybe? Dunkin' Awards.

Dunkin' Awards. Like, but if it was, if it was the Oscars, if it was like a black tie gala at the White House, you would probably still forget to iron your suit until like five minutes before and you spray some water on it, like put it in the shower while you're showering, hoping the steam takes it out. It doesn't matter. It's so incorrigible when it comes to our suit behavior. Big Cat taught me how to fold suit pants way back in the day.

I did. I still remember to this day. I did. That's right. You fold them in half. Yeah. The, by the way. No, but the crease.

Yeah. The crease. You got to get the crease. As an aside for the Espeys, at what point is it awkward that like T.O. keeps going to the Espeys? Oh, he's got a thing. That was weird. I thought he was there for a reason.

I did too. And they showed him. I was like, dude, what? What are you doing right now? Now, there are certain guys that have a ticket for life to the Espeys. I feel like T.O., whenever he wants to show up, he can do it. A guy like Dennis Rodman, they'll probably let him in whenever because he's going to wear something ridiculous.

But then they sit him probably all the way in the back. Oh, for sure. You're T.O., you're, I mean, yeah, you're a Hall of Famer, but this is all about the guys who are playing now. But he's basically a part owner of ESPN, giving all the, all the airtime that he gave him back in like 2000 or 2005. True. True.

I thought that was weird though. All right. What do we got next? All right. For a second award of the year, this is a brand new award. This is the Baker-Taker of the year. So Baker Mayfield is the quarterback whose face has, has spawned a thousand takes this year all across the media landscape.

We've got three very, very well deserving nominees. The first is my favorite person in the entire world, Mike Greenberg. So Mike Greenberg, he tweeted this out. This is back in, I believe this was September. He said Baker Mayfield's agent should demand a trade. That kid has some magic and they're going to ruin them. For the good of the sport, the hashtag Browns should let him go. You loved it for the good of the sport.

Loved it for the good of the sport. That was, that's really what made the take for me. This isn't about Baker. No. It's not about Greeny. No, it's not about Greeny. It's a bigger thing. This is about football succeeding.

This is, this is the health and wealth of football in general needs to be saved by getting Baker Mayfield off the Browns. Our second nominee goes to Colin Cowherd. This is more of a lifetime achievement award in Baker taking because he's been on a tear for the last year and a half. He can't keep Baker's name out of his mouth. But I'd say the best one that he had was when he brought Baker on his show and confronted him face to face like a man about how he celebrated with the band after a touchdown when he was

in college. And then Baker was like, well, he didn't show the other five touchdowns that I threw where I went and celebrated with my teammates. And Cowherd was like, hmm, still don't like it. Yep. Still can't be sold. Still don't like it. Yeah.

Don't like it. Baker. Yes. And then the third nominee is Jason McIntyre for getting mad about Baker Mayfield returning to his phone after the game all time, going to his phone, checking his messages instead of, I guess, talking to Jason McIntyre, a game that he didn't start. He took over. So it was improbable that he was in the game and the first win the Cleveland Browns had

in like a year and a half. Yep. He looked at his phone and answered a couple of text messages from his family. Yep. So the winner of the inaugural Baker-Taker of the Year award goes to the King of Morning Drive Time Radio and Television, Mike Greenberg, for saying that his agent should demand a trade after like one loss. Thank God.

For the good of the sport. For the good of the sport. For the good of the sport. That's what put it over the top. Yes. Absolutely. So today, before we get to our next takey, we are dressed up and you wouldn't know that unless you have BarstoolGold.com slash PMT.

Good point, big cat. Who are you wearing? We're wearing tuxedos. I'm wearing, this is Sharpie. This is Ralph Lauren. A shirt by Sharpie. And a special, have we released the Cutler yet? Yes, it came out today.

Holy shit. If you have BarstoolGold.com slash PMT, the Cutler episode is unreal. We had our intern Jake, PMT Sports Biz, get cuddled, whoa Hank, Hank, it was hot. It was non-sexual. It was not hot. It's a non-sexual cutler. She said non-sexual. It's therapeutic touch.

Actually, no, you know what? Hank's okay saying that because we're not supposed to sex shame. We're supposed to openly talk about the fact that Hank has a boner when we watch Jake and the Cutler cuddle. Hank, it's a normal healthy thing. In fact, I'm glad that you have a boner for the first time in what, three years? That's actually something that we should celebrate on. We are.

Hank, that's awesome. We're open. I'm going to give a Tiki award for Hank's first boner to Hank. Wow. All right. Little boner. So go do it. BarstoolGold.com slash PMT.

All right. Speaking of boners, the next Tiki is the Rick Petino premature celebration of the year. We have three nominees for this Hugh Jackson trying to go for two in overtime when the game was already over. I watched that back. It was off a field goal, too, which is even more interesting. Yeah. So you got to, you can't be up by three.

You'd rather be up by five, right? The chart says to go for two after a field goal. Unreal. Colin Cowherd, who is, uh, who was nominated for the previous award, didn't win. He had my big conclusion by the middle of the second quarter, the Bucks and Raptors games. The Bucks and the Raptors aren't beating Golden State. This Warriors team. Now, if you stopped right there, you'd be like, okay, that's fine.

The, you know, Golden States is the one, but hold on. This Warriors team without Boogie or KD in a beat up Iggy would beat Milwaukee and sweep Toronto. Yeah, that's tough. Sweep Toronto. That's tough, Colin. So that's tough. Um, and then we had finally Auburn fans for the final four rolling tumors corner, uh,

without realizing the Kyle guy was fouled on a three point attempt and then they lost the game. The time lapse video that is, it's all at the same time. Very entertaining and also heartbreaking. Yes. Very, very entertaining. So, uh, the winner is, especially because you see that video in football season all the time and that like what happened couldn't happen in a football game.

Yes. Yes. The winner is Auburn fans for rolling to tumors corner, please. If you're an Auburn fan, please accept this. Tweet us saying that you accept it. War Eagle. All time moment. War Eagle.

Still the bat. Auburn, if you're trying to think about where to go to college, all you gotta be like, Hey, do you want to be able to walk around and say War Eagle for the rest of your life? War Eagle is pretty bad. That's, that's, that's a selling point right there. Now, if you're an Auburn student, would you rather that Harvey Updike had succeeded in poisoning all the trees like immediately so that that video and that celebration didn't exist?

I think they did. I think they had to replant a couple. So, uh, yeah, I need an update on the tree status down there. Are those the real trees? Are they fake trees? I don't know. Some of them poisoned. All right.

So that was the Rick Petino premature celebration of the year taking. You know what sucks is that all the toilet paper is up in the tree and then they're sad and they're crying and they have to like climb into a tree to wipe themselves, wipe their tears off. Yes, exactly. That's terrible. All right. Next up.

The next award is for the Boston Sports Heartbreak of the Year. It's been a tough year for Boston sports fans. I think only two out of your four teams won national championships or excuse me, world championships. And, uh, you know, the Bruins, they, they lost in the Stanley Cup finals. So it was really, you had to experience three finals. Only two out of the three were victories. So it's a tough year.

The first nominee for Boston Sports Heartbreak of the Year was Rob Gronkowski and his fake retirement because he's definitely coming back. Definitely coming back. That's tough. Dude, when he saw the long neck guy, that amazing video, he was shook. And then also at the Esby's last night, he was doing a panel with like D Wade. I think it was Lindsay Vaughn, maybe and him and like Lindsay Vaughn was like, oh, you know, we're a bunch of old people and he took great offense to that.

The long neck video was so funny. Like who retired? Like, oh, I'm tired. Like, um, you know, I'm washed up. He was like, no, no, no. It was also just a moment where everyone's been saying Rob Gronkowski is going to be like the next superstar in Hollywood. And then within like three months of being retired, he's doing a monster energy promo

with long neck. And he's like, whoa, what? He's like, I don't know about this. Yeah. I think that Rob could be a great. Are you drinking? Yeah, he is. Takey's.

Hank is. We just look over and hounder. Slugging. We had. I mean, I mean, I'm not going to spoil it. We had Doug Marrone here earlier and they brought a bunch of beers and it's like, you know what? The takey's were wearing tuxedos.

Toss me a beer. I'll have a beer. I'm going to have a beer. It's the takey. But once a year. Oh, Jesus. And it's our great sponsor, Bud Light. That's right.

Beautiful. What are we? Where are we? So I got the but diesel. Let's go. All right. So we're in the middle of the Boston Sports Heartbreak of the year. That's a great.

The second nominee history. Second. Hank, are you drinking? I was like, what are you drinking? Is Doug Marrone's guyly handed me one? I was like, oh, you know, it's rude. It's rude to be like, no, it is. It is.

Thank you, Hank, for doing that. The second nominee is the split second when the Patriots and Patriots fans didn't realize that D Ford was offside. That was a long split. That was a very long split second where it looked like they might have lost an AFC championship game. But fear not, they ended up winning that game because D Ford was, in fact, like a half yard offside offside.

The third nominee for Boston Sports fans, Heartbreak of the Year is the one World Series game that the Red Sox lost. Yeah. And having to stay awake for an 18. Oh, was that the only loss? No. No. OK, so so it's really two things.

That would have been a tragedy. You guys ended up winning. But still, that moment where you lost one game that must have been very tough for you. What game was it even? I don't know. It didn't matter. So the winner of the Boston Sports Heartbreak of the Year goes to the split second when they didn't know D Ford was offside, because that was like

they lost, they weren't going to win a Super Bowl that year. That what do we know? They did lose the 18 inning game. Oh, they did. Did you have a Hank? Did you were you on live stream when when D Ford was offside? You sunk, right? No, I was hiding in the other room.

I wasn't I wasn't watching. Jesus. All right. Next up, we have worst take of the year. This one is a loaded, loaded class here. First up, Dave Gettleman, the quote machine with his take. We didn't sign O'Dell to trade him on January 2nd. And then March 12th, O'Dell Beckham traded the Browns. So signed him and then traded him.

Porn star Kia Maria, who you will remember not from her videos, but from her dinner with Jimmy Garoppolo. Just a date, just a date. That time of night when you put your scrunchie on that Instagram, she said after the date, everything I touch turns to gold. Get ready for the 49ers to kick ass and win. Mark my words. Everything that I touch turns to gold.

So basically her house is filled like a bunch of dudes that look like C3PO. Golden waist down. Yeah, exactly. Piers Morgan, Piers, Piers, Piers, Piers, Piers Morgan for his England soccer tweet when he said, Ms Rapino sure does love herself. Can't wait to see our lionesses dent that stupendous ego. What happened?

Looks like we won another World Cup. Dosa, Sarah, by the way, he's still going to the one because like yesterday, he said someone someone said did the US women's team win the World Cup? I hadn't noticed that was obviously being sarcastic because they were very bitter. And he wrote, don't worry, they'll soon tell you again and again and again. Shut the fuck up, Piers. Piers, Piers, Piers, go pick the ball up out of the ocean.

You lie me, fuck. Yeah, Piers Morgan is like an uncircumcised version of Tucker Carlson. All right. So and then, oh, finally, Bill Simmons for his take about the Celtics. They're going to win 67 games and they're going to be up by 30 points in a lot of them. Celtics won 49 games and bouncing the second round, tacking that that little extra part at the end. They're going to be up 30 points in a lot of a lot of them. Yeah, that's just spiking the football.

Yes, you haven't even scored. Yes. So we have the winner. I'm actually going to change the winner. Oh, because reading these, I think we did it wrong. We had the winner as David Gettleman. I think the winner should be Piers Morgan. All right, because he's such a fucking insufferable idiot and he's still going.

The fact that he's still going and still whining about it. We should give him this take. Here's how you know Piers Morgan sucks, is that everyone on all sides of every aisle hate him. Yes, absolutely hate him. Yes, doesn't matter if you're left, right, center. It's like the whole world loving the dab. Yeah, everyone can just agree on it exactly like that. OK, long live the dad.

OK, next up, the next category is the Song of the Summer of the Year. This is a very prestigious award. Last year, I believe it went to drink paint. Yeah, we gave it to ourselves, not being so congratulatory at all. No, seated. The nominees are Chonk parentheses. It's Chonk. OK, that's my part of my take. Good song featuring Sonny Digital and Tyler, I am and Roan.

The next nominee is shout out Roan. It's Louisiana, who cares, who cares? It's Louisiana. Nice. I reverse those. Yeah, that's also by us. The next one is, you know what? It was going to be love watching NFL football. I'm striking that out because I think it's been nominated before. Yeah, it didn't win. So I don't know if it can win again. OK.

I don't know if it can not win again. It's the who keeps getting Brad Pitt. He's never won. No. Meryl Streep gets nominated. No, Meryl Streep does, but Buffalo Bills. George Clooney, he's never won one. OK, Martin Scorsese. Yeah, the departed with the rat at the end. That was the rat.

The next nominee is Song of the Summer. So that's a song that's yet to be released. But no one's ever heard it. It's coming out either early next week or late next week. OK. And and the last nominee. Is Old Town Road by Lil Nas X. Oh, good song. Good song. Not by us. Not by us.

And the winner of Song of the Summer of the Year goes to Chonk. It's Chonk. Oh, congrats. Hey, cheers, boys. We did it. Cheers. We're drinking. It's the best thing about having your own award show is you can just give yourself a shitload of awards. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Shout out to Sunny Digital.

Shout out to Sunny Digital. Can't wait for our. We have a one year, one song per year contract with them. So yeah, also, can I just say on a new music out to its fire? Go listen on July 27th. Pup punk is playing a show at Mulcaze inside Long Island. Onside Long Island. And wait, onside. Yeah.

Onside Long Island, Mulcaze, Pup punk, July 27th. There are tickets still available. Go buy them. Go buy a fire set list. I mean, you'll hear Song of the Summer. You will. OK, next up, we have speaking of Chonk. Chonk athlete of the year. We all love Chonk athletes.

This one was a star studded year for Chonk athlete Zion Williamson, who, by the way, did you guys see that picture of him sitting on the sideline the other day in just a regular shirt? I feel like every rookie, they go through their rookie year looking like how they did in college. And then it's the it's the summer after your rookie year. That's the make or break.

You think so? But he already give him a full three sixty five. He's already a man like skinny guys. No, but skinny guys that come in. Yeah, they put on the weight. And then they wait the year after. It's true. They get the nutritionists. Yes. You know, they always say that like money

just makes you more of who you used to be. It just like amplifies your personality trace that you had before. OK. Zion was already a little chunky. He got his money. Now he's big chunk. And he's in Vegas. And I've said he's one one bad weekend in Vegas away from real

Chonk Andy Ruiz, who who was an electric factory boxing and heavyweight champion of the world. Very chunky. Third nipple to third nipple. Flat Jr., who won the 2019 Home Run Derby. Yep. And Kelvin Benjamin, Jr. gets a lifetime achievement nominee and the winner is Zion Williamson, the chonkiest boy there is.

Calvin Benjamin was one Popeyes biscuit away from winning this award. Yes, he was. I love how Chonk Zion is. Yeah. And I've said it before. Zion is like the rare dude from Duke that everyone is going to root for. I think he's I think he would actually get worse if he lost weight.

Yeah, there's something about his body. Power. Yeah. He's got power that he can just jump into. Mm hmm. Absolutely. You know, it doesn't look as much like an offensive foul if a fat guy runs into you as opposed to like a big jacked up. It's true. It's true. All right. What do we got next?

The next award is for the AAF week of the year. So do we remember what AAF stands for? Alliance as fuck. Alliance of American Alliance of American football. Yes. OK. Great league. We all enjoyed it. Sad to see it go, but love to watch it leave.

Mm hmm. The nominees are week one. Remember that when that guy from Arizona State got his head taken off? He got jacked up. That was awesome. That was like perfect. Uh huh. You remember when they did the thing where they placed the ball at like the 25 yard line or whatever in week one? And wow, that's different.

Yeah. Remember when they had the the person up in the booth, the ref and they let us watch them. They let us watch their like neck rolls. Yeah. Make a decision. You remember when we could gamble on football in February and we realized that in week one and we lost because we bet the over and it was really stupid to bet the over on a tea on a

game when no one knows how to play and everyone quarterback sucks. And I'm pretty sure Trent Richardson had one touchdown and 2.6 yards per carry. Yep. OK, so that's the first nominee. The second nominee. Good memories.

I think that was a boat outside. They're just fucking with us now. Lights pulling up. Bortles is coming up here for the play of the year. The second nominee for a week of the year goes to week eight. The last week. Oh, for the I don't know what happened that week. Trent Richardson had one touchdown and average 2.6 yards

per carry. All right. Who won the winner of a week of the year goes to week one. Oh, very, very excited to have football back after a long like one week. Yes. Yes. Anecdotally speaking, I would say we remembered week one a lot

more than week eight just from all the stories we had there. Yes, we will always have that one week. Yes. All right. Next up, we have ratio of the year. And this one is going to be fun. So we try to keep it. We try to keep it not in politics because you could get a ratio.

Ratios are just a dime a dozen when it comes to the political Twitter. So we try to stay in the sports world. We have some very good nominees. Dan McLaughlin, who tweeted after Tyler Skaggs really tragic and unfortunate death, he wrote, Tyler Skaggs was pitching pretty well this year, which is a small thing compared to dying at 27.

But a shame for him. He didn't get to finish a good season. 3,834 were supplies, 107 reach weeks. Now, let's be clear that you might know this Dan McLaughlin character more. He's more in the public conscious as the baseball. Baseball crank. The baseball crank.

And he's got an all time avatar. Yes, just a grumpy baseball face. Now we have the boat coming. The boat's getting pulled over. I guarantee you the baseball crank had had him on his fantasy team. That's why he tweeted. Yes, he absolutely did.

All right. So that one's up there. We had the famous Bleacher report, one nation, one team picture that they tweeted out after the women's won the World Cup. It had 1,500 replies, one retweet. Wow. I don't know when that was in the course of it. But holy shit, that's unbelievable.

I'm surprised that there weren't more retweets on it just because it was just a great tweet. Yes, it was a great tweet. We have Danny Cannell, our friend, recurring guest, provocateur. He wrote, when did marijuana become good for you? Crazy how fast certain narratives move in our society with little or no scientific proof.

Is it better than opioids? Probably. That's a bold statement. But let's slow down treating weed like a wonder drug with no downside risks. He had 3.5,000 replies and 500 retweets. He got some nice retweets on that. That's good retweets on that.

And then the last one we have is Peter Gammons, who in October tweeted, in the eighth inning of what may be a do or die game with the tension of a game seven, Neanderthal Fenway Park fans chanting Yankees. And he did dot, dot, dot. So he didn't actually say suck. OK, good. Thank you, Peter.

It's family website. What is it? Ass. Tuckus. No, no. What does Stephen A. Smith allow on his timeline? Ass, damn hell. Or allowed on his timeline.

Mild profanity. No other profanity. So chanting Yankees suck are eerily like those who chant lock her up at a poll, a political rally designed to demean female assault victims trauma. That, whoa, that tweet takes a hard turn. Whoa, I didn't see that one coming.

No. 3,405 replies, 179 retweets. So some heavy competition here. The winner is baseball crank for using Tyler Skag's unfortunate death to bitch about his fantasy team. It's pretty good. By the way, shout out to baseball crank, because he did in that thread have a very, very good clap

back. Dante Stollers replied to him, dude, delete this shit. What the fuck? And he replied, you may not be the best authority to lecture anyone on untimely death. OK, so good job, baseball crank. You got one win back. Number 10.

Number 10. The 10th award of the night, this is the Mike Tomlin quote of the year. Mike Tomlin, he is a quote machine. I hope Mike Tomlin wins. How's that beer? It's pretty good. Yeah, but he's getting heavy over there.

So the nominees are Mike Tomlin for inventing the standard as a standard. The second nominee is Sean McVeigh for saying the standard is the standard. Oh, wild card. Yeah, the third newcomer. The third nominee for Mike Tomlin quote of the year is Chargers head coach Anthony Lynn

for saying the standard is the standard on the sidelines. And then the last nominee is Mike Tomlin again for saying we need volunteers, not hostages. Ooh, good one. And the winner of the inaugural Mike Tomlin quote of the year award goes to Mike Tomlin. Yes. For saying the standard is the standard for inventing that.

I bet on him. All-time football guy quote right there, not sure what it means. It sounds cool. It makes me want to play football. That's the standard. The standard is the standard. Hey, I'll drink to that.

Yep. The standard is the standard, right? Hank, tip it. Tip it up. OK, we're going to take a quick break for sponsor when we come back. We have our celebrity guests who are going to announce some of the winners.

Some of them, probably the biggest star-studded guest show we've ever had. What I say is that fair, boys? Is that fair? Yes. No one's listening. It's fair. It's fair.

OK, PFT, you got a couple of ads before we do that. OK, and we have an emergency takey that we're issuing right now. This is off-script. It was not part of the plan. As a matter of fact, you might notice that things look a little bit different if you're watching this podcast.

It's because Big Cat went home. This takey award is for most inconveniently timed wojbama of the year. And it goes to Woj for right now, for just breaking right after we're done taping. The takey awards broke the news that Russell Westbrook has been traded to the Houston Rockets for Chris Paul and a handful of draft picks.

So we're getting a reunion of sorts of Russell Westbrook and James Harden. But there's still just one ball in Houston, unless Deremore figures out some weird sabermetric way to divvy up the ball. So for further analysis on this trade, we actually have a very special guest. It's Big Cat, who left and went home because we were done

with the takeies. And he called in. Big Cat, are you with us? What do you make of this trade? This fucking league. This fucking league. You think you can sleep when there's a wojbama and you it's what, a week after that all the free agents have happened.

We finished the takeies, finished a long episode that everyone's going to love. And then Woj decides, hey, now is the convenient time for me to drop this news. This motherfucker, Woj, I'm getting sick of him. But here's what I got to say to PFT. There's only one ball. And I'm excited for Russell Westbrook and James Harden

to fight over that ball. And I actually think Chris Paul has to retire now, right? Like, you can't do the, hey, me and James Harden actually have a great relationship. What are you guys all talking about? All these reports are false. Have Daryl Maury say, hey, actually these guys are fine. We're going to roll the ball back out there

and try again next year. And then get traded to the Oklahoma City Thunder for basically a guy who will hold the ball even more in Russell Westbrook, this motherfucking league. This motherfucking league, Kevin Durant has just ruined the Oklahoma City Thunder again. So credit to him for breaking the team twice. Russell Westbrook, probably the biggest hype beast

in the NBA, going to Houston, home of NASA. Even he realized that NASA's the new hot trend. So shout out to him, this fucking league. The last thing I have to say is this is a classic case of something that we've always learned if you watch sports long enough. I think this is something that if you're like a younger sports fan, you don't realize it for a while

because you're naive and you just don't understand how maybe the whole world works. But anytime, and this counts for coaching, front office, whatever it may be, anytime someone says our relationship is fine and these media reports are false, they are lying. They are always lying and it always ends up being a trade. The fact that people tried, like the Houston Rockets

tried to convince everyone that James Hart and Chris Ball didn't hate each other's guts is absolutely laughable. We all knew it was laughable at the time. But it's one of those all time lessons that you learn every now and then how much these front offices and like the owner and everyone will lie to the public

to try to put it back together and then trade Chris Paul to Oklahoma City. So how quickly before Russell Westbrook kills James Harden? I think murders in play here. Yeah, this might be one of those things though. Like they basically went to college together because they're both young together on Oklahoma City. So they could be like, hey, remember those days

when we could drink a ton and we went out all the time. It could be nice for a little bit. I think the more interesting thing is Chris Paul. Basically, like this is, I don't know what he's gonna do. I have no idea what Chris Paul's gonna do other than Hank, if you're listening, shout out our waitress Raven in Oklahoma City at the Chili's who offered us mushrooms.

The one time we've been to Oklahoma City, maybe just go to Chili's all the time and see if she'll just give you mushrooms. You put out the drug guy vibe. I understand why she tried to offer that to you. Yeah, we didn't take them. Yeah, we didn't take them so. But yeah, we should go back to the takies,

but this is crazy. Okay, well, back to the regularly scheduled show. Fuck you, Woj. Fuck you, Woj. I wanna talk to you guys about Let Go. Let Go, what is it, PFT? Well, I'll tell you, it is the fastest growing mobile marketplace to buy and sell locally.

They have a vision. Their vision is to create a more sustainable future where nothing goes unused and to inspire the world to live and to let go. If you're like me, if you're like Big Cat, you hang on to stuff a long time. You make piles out of stuff. You have a bunch of shoes.

You have a bunch of t-shirts that you might not wear anymore. You have a bunch of stuff laying around your place that you probably should be letting go of, but you just hang on to it for too long. Well, if you're looking to sell, Let Go gives you an opportunity to turn your unused items into experiences.

If you're looking to buy, Let Go gives you access to a lifestyle that you wouldn't otherwise afford. You can get designer brands, cars, sneakers, all from somebody that's trying to let go of their own unused products, and you can get it at a steal, a fraction of the price. Let Go is the go-to place to help you live through

the life changes such as moving back to school. If you're gonna be new parents, if you're newlyweds, you got stuff you need to get rid of or you got stuff you need to buy, we'll go to Let Go. Download LetGo at letgo.com slash barstool. Tweet us, let us know what you're gonna do with the extra money that you're making off Let Go.

Okay, you can buy and sell sneakers, outfits. You can sell things from your already crowded apartment to make more room. If you're living in New York, if you're in a tiny place, you have to make tough decisions. And you don't wanna throw them away. Use Let Go, make some extra coin on the side for it. Hank, Hank's using money earned on Let Go

for another summer vacation, I bet, right, Hank? Absolutely. That's right, so go to letgo.com slash barstool and let us know what you're gonna do with the extra money that you're making off of Let Go. The takies are also brought to you by Dollar Shave Club. When I talk about Dollar Shave Club, I can't stress enough the quality of their products.

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We have some of the biggest A-list celebrities, our friends, who we contacted, possibly paid on a random website, whatever it may be, to call in and give us the winners of these awards. So, should we do it? Should we get back to it? Yep.

All right, PFT, you're up. All right, the first award with a guest presenter, this is the award for retirement of the year. Okay. Very, very important category. The nominees are Urban Meyer for retiring for good forever. Definitely. Walking away from the sport.

No chance. Retirement, period. Yep. Second nominee, Vonte Davis from the Buffalo Bills, retired at halftime, drove away from the stadium, went home during an NFL game this year. All-time power move. Third nominee, Magic Johnson,

for walking away so he could tweet. Yep. Addicted to that posting life. And not telling anyone. Not telling you about just showing up and saying, hey man, I gotta get these tweets off. Yeah, I got it. You understand.

I'm magic. The final nominee is me. Yes. For quitting Jooling. I retired from that Jool life. Not vaping, Jooling. Not vaping, Jooling. I wrote down vaping and you're like,

no, no, no, just Jooling. Now I'm leaving myself a window like Urban Meyer. I have a clause in my contract. If I were to vape again, it would not be with a Jool. So, so blue vape in this case would be USC. Our Notre Dame. Yes. Notre Dame would be the white smoke.

But yes, I have quit Jooling officially. So let's go to our very special presenter. And wait, by the way, before we do this, you should have said this. So how it worked was we each got four awards to get a special presenter. So this is your award. Yep.

Hank and I don't know who the special presenter is. So we're going to react to every single one after it's a surprise. Yep. And we'll say that beforehand. So this is my guy. Hank, wanna play it? Hi, this is Devin Kujoost.

Here to announce the take key for retirement of the year. And the winner is drumroll. Do I not have a drumroll? Anywhere? Drumroll. Hey, babe. Can you give me a drumroll really quick? Yeah, Vante Davis for retiring at half time

of a Buffalo Bills game and driving home from the stadium. Follow your heart, Vante. Follow your heart. Hey, Jake, by the way, you're pretty dapper, man. All jokes aside, super dapper. Hope you're having a dapper day with dapper vibes. No, I didn't get punched in the eye. It's just a shadow.

I know. I just wanna let you know. It's all good. And all jokes aside, I don't know who Vante Davis is. I feel like I should Google this situation. What the fuck? On that note, have a dapper day, much love. And why not be great?

Go for it. What the fuck? Well, first of all, I got very confused when he said, hey, Jake, and I was like, is there someone sitting in his kitchen right now? No, but it's actually PMT Sports Biz, Jake, was the one who sent out all these requests that we didn't pay for, maybe paid for.

Devon Kajoust, he's gonna buy a bunch of crystals with that. Well, you know what's crazy is that he says that he doesn't know who Vante Davis is. I looked it up. The Browns actually played, the Browns played the Bills in pre-season this year. Vante Davis is a cornerback, so Devon Kajoust definitely went up against Vante Davis.

Yikes, that might've helped. You made the team. Oh, okay. Thank you to Devon Kajoust, our good friend, who called in on his own accord. Next up, we have Apology of the Year. Two nominees here. Star-studded nominees, though.

The first is LeBron James, who put out an Instagram with the rap quote, we've been getting that Jewish money, everything is kosher. And then when trying to apologize said, so I actually thought it was a compliment, and obviously it wasn't through the lens of a lot of people, my apologies, it definitely was not the intent, obviously,

to hurt anybody, so he actually thought that was really nice. Yeah, so that's a good apology from LeBron. Jewishish person yourself. Yes. Do you take that as a compliment? From anyone else? Sure, from LeBron, fuck no. Fuck no.

The other nominee is Urban Meyer, who had the best apology of all time when he apologized to Buckeye Nation, but not Courtney Smith, the person who actually had to go through terrible, terrible things. And then, when everyone said, hey dude, you apologized to Buckeye Nation,

but not Courtney Smith, he fixed his words and he said, I'm sorry we're in this situation. So that's really nice too. So he apologized for his apology without really apologizing for anything. That's tough to do. I'm sorry we're here,

I'm sorry that I have to quit my job, and then have to take a year off and be an analyst and then go to USC or Notre Dame. Okay, so let's go to the winner and our guest presenter. Hi, I'm Smush Parker, here to announce the take for apology of the year. And the winner is Urban Meyer, way to go coach.

While I have you here, I just wanna let you guys know that I, everybody knows about my beef with Kobe, and I posted not too long ago on my Instagram page, Smush Parker Elite, it's my Instagram page, not too long ago I posted an apology and a letter of prayer that I said for Kobe.

So if you guys wanna check it out, you guys can check it out there, Smush Parker Elite, Instagram page. He sounds like Hank plug in his Instagram. So this was mine, I contacted Smush Parker, and I wrote that he needs to say, and while we're doing apologies,

I wanna finally apologize to Kobe Bryant, he then just decided I'll just plug my Instagram for 30 seconds. Respect. Yes, respect. That's what you gotta do in those situations. Respect for Smush Parker. All right, Urban Meyer, nice taking.

Has Urban one tutored it? No, he was nominated several times this year. Yes, yes, but he just took one home. So way to go, Urban Meyer. Congrats coach. All right, PFT, what do you got? Okay, my next one, this is for Calipari of the year.

Ooh, Calpari. Calipari of the year. Coach Cal of the year. Yes. No, no, Coach. No, Cal. Yeah, yeah, no, just a Cal. Cal of the year.

Cal of the year. The nominees are John. Oh, who's he? John Calipari. Oh, the coach. John Calipari. Yes, yes. Oh, no, the one that we were saying

on Kentucky Sports already was J. Cal. J. Cal. Of the year. Yes, yes. For Jim Calhoun or John Calipari. So John is nominated for Calipari of the year. He had a pretty good year. He had the moment where he had all of his number one picks,

their jerseys, in frames behind him, just randomly, while he was getting interviewed on ESPN for the seating. And you know what? There's nobody that really makes a Hawaiian shirt pop like Coach Cal. That's true, that's true. Because it looks so much different from his normal, like J. Wright style pinstripe suit.

Yup. The flowers really pop on John. The next nominee for Calipari of the year is Megan. Megan Calipari, if we're being ride or die on Twitter, defending her brother, her dad, her mom. Awesome follow. You name it. If any Italian in America is attacked on social media,

the Calipari sisters, they will go in on you and you will regret your words. But Megan especially, she takes no prisoners. Yeah, the Calhive. And the final nominee for Calipari of the year goes to Brad Calipari. Yes. He was demonstrating swag all year long.

He was rocking turtlenecks on the sidelines. He was wearing the chains. Just looking really, really dapper. You wanna talk about a dapper dude? We're talking about Brad swag. Yup, Brad swag. And here to introduce the Calipari of the year is somebody that I don't know.

Okay. Let's find out. Hank, was this you? Yep, it was me. Hi, this is Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration. Here's your name. The take he, the Calipari of the year. And the winner is Dr. Aaron Siciliano Calipari.

Wow. Go dogs. Go dogs, interesting. Whoa. There's another shout out, Jake. Okay, so a Calipari that wasn't even nominated won. That's how fierce they are. Holy shit.

Yeah. What an upset. I mean, they're gonna be listening to that. Like, she'd probably listen to it like, what the fuck, why wasn't I nominated on a Calipari? Well, she just won, yeah. My vote would have been for Megan. I just want that on the record

because she will attack you on Twitter. I think they should all win. Yes. Okay, so all the Caliparis win so that we stay on the right side of the Calipari family. John, why don't you come on the podcast? So we'll see if they're gonna have that award taken away in a couple years because of violation.

That was okay, John. Maybe you won't come on the podcast. Yes. All right. Next up, we have cat owner of the year. This is a spicy one, folks. Nominated first nominee, Marlins Man, for owning way too many cats.

I think he has like nine. Not just cats. Nine giant cats. What are they? Giant cats. What are the names of them? Giant Persians. No, that's not the name of the cats.

The giant Persian cat. No, I'm pretty sure they are enormous, enormous cats and very disgusting to look at. And he held them up. Malamar, Oreo, Four, Fluffy, Truffles, Tribbles, Fathercat, Suncat, Monstervader. Did you make those names up, PFT? No, you're reading the blog.

I power ranked his cats. These are the real names. Number one was Malamar. Malamar is muted. I don't know, Monstervader, dude. But if you look at the cats, Oreo, Four is a good one. What type of cats are they? So these are, let's see, unbelievable.

Well, he's cat owner of the year nominee. Next up, I think they're, I don't know what type of cats they are. All right, next up we have Hank, who almost became a cat owner. Almost. Twice and then killed both of them. So you're nominated for cat owner of the year.

And then our final nominee for cat owner of the year is Shane Dawson. You probably remember Shane Dawson because he went viral on Twitter and he went viral for his cat tweet that said, I didn't fuck my cat. I didn't come on my cat. I didn't put my dick anywhere near my cat.

I've never done anything weird with my cats. I promised myself that I wasn't going to make apology videos after last year's thing. So I'm just trying to be as short and honest with this as possible. Well, what was last year's thing? Last year's thing, that was probably having something to do

with coming on his cat. Yeah, but he didn't, he didn't come on his cat or fuck his cat. He didn't put his dick anywhere near his cat. So the winner, let's go to our celebrity guest presenter. Jake. Hi, it's Andy Dick here to announce the, I guess it's called the takey.

I'm with Leah Kackner. It's just Leah. Like Vivian. You're right. What a psycho. Me majors. I don't know. Who is this?

Andy Dick. The one that got stabbed in the chest. Vivian Lee. What does he do? She got stabbed in the chest and psycho. I don't think she was in psycho. Who's Vivian Lee? Which one is she?

Gone with the wind. Yes, you're very good at talking. Over there is corn for 50 points. For 50 points. So I'm here to announce the winner for the cat owner. Meow. I heard you. Meow.

You see? Meow. Do you have a cat? I think this is Andy's job. Well, I have the winner right here. It's just sitting at home. It's provided. It's a takey slope.

What is the answer? I wanted to keep it secret till this moment. Oh my gosh, I'm so excited. I know. Right? Do you want me to hold the camera? Yes, you have to hold it like this so you can't see. As soon as he gives us the winner, we'll cut it off.

But we've got to keep going. I need to know. Yeah, it's an important category. Hold us. Hold us. What the fuck is going on? I shouldn't have worn my tie. I like how you got it.

Well, this is an awards show for the takey. Oh, you shouldn't have worn a tie. For the catty owner of the year from J.K. Tossed in some wives. Yeah. And the winner is... Holy shit. Come on, Andy.

Play it off music. We got a drum roll. We do need to play. He's the first person to get played off before presenting. Cat owner of the year gets to takey home a takey. Okay. Shane Dawson. Oh, there we go.

We'll cut it there. All right. Thank you. Thank you, Andy Dick, for presenting that. Yeah, I guess that was a presentation. Good job, Andy. Holy shit. And to, I mean, Shane was the only one

that confirmed didn't fuck your cat. Yes. The other ones have not released statements, so we don't know if Hank's fucked a cat or not yet. Or come down as cat or put his dick anywhere near his cat. All right, let's move it along. We got the next one. PFT, that's you.

This is a very prestigious award we did last year. This is for Lib Cuck of the Year. So you'll recall Chris Long won it last year. This year, the nominees are Danny Cannell for Lib of the Year for irresponsibly acknowledging that marijuana might not be as dangerous as opiates. Yes. Danny, you can't say that with any certainty.

You're just trying to play it up for the hipster, cool liberal crowd. Not on my watch, Danny. The next nominee is Chris Long, just for being just libery in general. Yes, he just libs all the time. And then the final nominee for Lib of the Year is Blake Bortles for driving a Tesla.

Okay. For the electric car. Pre-Blake of the Year is nominated. Single-handedly saving the world. Okay. So let's go to our presenter here. Let's see who it is. Hey, this is Ken Bone.

I'm not wearing a red sweater because it's the middle of July and it's hot. But it is Ken Bone anyway. And I'm here to announce the takey for Lib of the Year. And the winner is Chris Long. Congrats on back-to-back victories and for donating your salary just so you wouldn't be tempted to spend it on hot leaf.

Ken Bone has no idea what that is. Oh shit, did you get that one? That was me, yeah. Yeah, that was great. Shout out Ken Bone. That was great. All right, so congratulations Chris Long. He's actually won a three years in a row.

Yeah. That's three years in a row. He's won a Lib Cup. Very, very impressed. Unbelievable. And anytime somebody in any store comes across the Libman mops. Yes.

It's a brand of mops. I always get tweets with Chris Long tag, like found Chris Long. Yeah, found Chris Long hanging out in the store. All right, next up we have Canadian of the Year. This one is quick. We have Kawhi Leonard, who won the NBA title and he's Canadian now

because he lived in Canada for a year. The offensive lineman who chugged a beer in the stands during a CFL game. We think that was this year, but we don't remember. And Mark Tressman, who is noted Canadian football coach who now has a job in the XFL. So let's go to our, is this a celebrity? Yeah, a celebrity.

Let's see who won. Hi, this is Melody Dahu here to announce the take key for Canadian accent of the year. And the winner is Kawhi Leonard. Thank you so much. Have a good day, bye. Okay, you got to walk us through that one, Hank. Well, we set a budget for, we only had $250 each.

That we didn't use. To make these happen, if you will. And so I was basically at my, I was up, I only had like $10 left and I just typed in Canadian and I found a Canadian woman's hockey player. But was she doing a Canadian accent? Well, we wrote, Jake wrote in the thing, please do a heavy Canadian accent.

So that's why she wrote Canadian accent of the year. She misread. But that wasn't even a Canadian accent. That was like someone who didn't know how to speak. Well, no, she just has an accent. But that wasn't an accent. Do you think that was an accent? Problematic cat.

She's from Canada. Okay, well, she should have just talked. She did. She did. That's her normal voice. That's not her normal voice. Yeah, it is. That's a fake voice.

You're digging yourself deep. That's a fake voice. Deeper in this hole. Admit that's a fake voice. All right, next up we have UPFT. Yes, this is a classic award we gave it out last year. And we have a defending champion ready to try to reclaim the crown.

This award goes to 19 year old of the year. The nominees are Mbappé, he's 19. Yep. The next nominee is Jason Tatum. How old? He's 19. Okay, 19. He's a young 19 too.

Yes, yes. Which is an important distinction. He won't be 20 for at least three more years. And the third nominee is Christian Plesichich. Plesichich. Yes. Plesichich. Also 19.

From the US, not women's soccer team. Yeah. Also 19 years old. Tina Luz, every big game. And so let's go to our, whoever could this be to present an award for someone who remains 19 years old for so much longer than everybody else.

Hey, this is Periel, I was here to announce the takey for 19 year old of the year. And the winner is Mbappé, who is working the field of remaining 19 year olds. We're so proud of you and keep up the good work. All right. Who did that one? That was me.

Okay, so that was Perielus on the show, recurring guests. All these people are recurring guests now. Also shout out to Hank, because Hank wanted to do this award too and also had the same idea to get Periel. Okay, so you guys split that. Co-split that. You split that.

All right, next up we have trend of the year, big year for trends. The nominees are Planking, Dabbing, Eating Ass, Eating Tie Pods, and Jerk Off Clubs. Let's go to our celebrity. Hi everyone. This is Bruno Mars the Chihuahua, who announced the takey for trend of the year.

And the winner is the Rain City Jats out of Seattle. Just to clarify, this is Bruno Mars the Chihuahua. Okay, so that was me. I initially tried to contact Jamal Anderson, thought that would be appropriate for a award given to a place where you can go and jerk off with some bros and just hang out. But we ended up, I ended up running out of money,

so to speak, to this thing we did. And so I found Bruno Mars the Chihuahua and I thought it would be funny to have Bruno Mars the Chihuahua talk about the Rain City Jats. There were a couple animals that I considered contacting to deliver awards, but I wasn't sure how that was gonna work, if it was just gonna be like a picture or video of the dog.

I thought I wanted a bark at a Bruno Mars the Chihuahua. Would've been nice. Yeah, I was gonna do a cow, but yeah. Oh, I didn't. Were there? Yeah, but it was the same thing. I didn't know if it was like, I mean, that was kinda bullshit.

Yeah, well, I mean, Bruno Mars the Chihuahua. That's pretty famous. At least like, give a bark, dude. Yeah, no, I agree. Are you allowed to name animals after celebrities, then make money off that name? I think so. I think that's what Bruno Mars the Chihuahua just did.

What a great loophole. And like every porn star ever. That's also true. They're named after animals? Well, they're named after celebrities. Yeah. Oh, okay. Okay, PFT.

So the next award goes to the category of invention of the year. So what is the best invention of 2018 slash 19? Well, the nominees are Mike Francesa for inventing fantasy baseball yet again. Yes. So let's put that in there real quick. I can create a game in 15 minutes for you.

Like let's say I create a game where you get to pick five players tonight in the major leagues, right? And if you're five players based on numeric totals have better offensive numbers for the night than any other five players, you win $50,000. And the fee is $10 to get in. People will buy that.

They'll play it like crazy. They will play it all night. And the other nominee, wow. Can't believe this. It's Hank for his invention of Listerquil. Wow. So let's go to our celebrity presenter and find out who won.

So this was me. Oh, and you're giving it to yourself. As a celebrity presenter, you're your own celebrity presenter presenting an award to yourself. Yes, I reached out to Nicoletti. He was the one that was supposed to be presenting this to me. He did not get back.

So here to announce the winner for invention of the year is the winner of the invention of the year. Me. Way to go, Hank. Way to go, Hank. You did it. Thank you. Way to go, Hank.

Listerquil. Hank, have you actually tried Listerquil? Yes, it's in beta. It's in beta stages right now. We're doing some test trials. We're trying to get it out to the public in the next, you know, six to 12. Nice.

Get some valuations going. Six, 12 years. Yeah. Yeah, we'll get there. All right. We're getting close to Blake of the Year, by the way, folks. We have a few left here. Next up, we have Athlete Chug of the Year.

The nominees are Aaron Rodgers. We just threw that in there because someday hopefully he'll come on the show even though he didn't do a chug and it was disgusting. Christian Yelich. David Bakhtiari from the Green Bay Packers. And PFT, you were generous enough to say that I should be on there for completely

outfilling you in my chug during the... That was your exact words. We're being nice to each other. No, that was your words. You're like, hey, you outfitted me. We're being nice to each other. I nominate you for the category. I appreciate that.

You just said that I was impressed with your chug. Okay, let's get to the celebrity who's going to tell us who won. Hey, everyone. It's you, nice again. I'm your chugging expert. Here you announce that takey for chug of the year and the winner is David Bakhtiari.

Nailed it. Got it. Chugged to be record side in 2.55 seconds. Got it. No way. Oh. Was it a point? Oh my God, I wish I was there.

That would have said, game, game, game, game, game. Whoa. Jake, you're no joke, bro. Oh. Yeah. I might have to retire. Whoa. Shout out, Marge.

It's not about you. Yeah, shout out, Marge. Hey, kid. Whoa. Somebody check on Shoenice. If you don't know Shoenice, go YouTube Shoenice right now. I didn't know him until like a year and a half,

two years ago. Really? Holy shit. What a great YouTube channel. Dude can chug glue. Yeah. Lots of it. He eats everything.

He eats like 30 tampons once. It was fucking wild. Shoenice, what a legend. Legend. Legend of the game. Got back in one hour. Really? Yeah.

Shoenice probably didn't have a lot going on. OK, PFT, you've got the next one. Yes, this award is for Robot of the Year and the nominees for the take are Jason Whitten. We all know that he's been quite a robot. Robot. He's back to the league. He sprouted hair, which is kind of not robot-like,

but everything that he did from that point forward was decidedly robot. The second nominee is VAR, the video assistant review system that FIFA put into place right before the Women's World Cup. I hated it until I loved it, and now I really love it. It helped me win a lot of bets. For some reason, VAR just loved me. It's actually really good if you bet the over.

Because of all the goalkeeping infractions on penalty kicks, things like that. It's a great, great thing for the over. Great robot. The final nominee is Kwy Leonard for Robot of the Year. For his little laugh. And the winner for Robot of the Year is VAR, the system I hated before I loved.

Now I'm like, fuck it, turn it all over to the computers. Let's do it. So who was going to be a celebrity presenter? I had a couple lined up. The first was going to be Jay Cutler, but not the quarterback, the bodybuilder, Jay Cutler. If you're not familiar with him, just Google Jay Cutler and do an image search.

That's the Jay Cutler I was talking about. And then I reached out to Stitches the Rapper down in Florida. I put that brick in your face. What you going to do with it? I'm going to sell him blow. So maybe by the time you're listening to this, you heard it. You know what, in retrospect, I sent a project to a guy who's famous for just talking

about how much he loves cocaine. So he should have gotten it back right away then. Either immediately or he's dead. Yeah, never again. There's no in between with Stitches. Speaking of dead, we have our second to last award before we get to Blake of the Year. It is the still alive person of the year.

Huge award, big time nominees. First up, Tommy Lasorda, who is still alive. And because of our visit with death a couple years ago, I think we deserve a little credit. We have Penny Marshall, who's still alive in my mind, because I didn't realize she died when I mentioned her on Monday's show. And then we have.

You only died the last time somebody says your name. Right. So we're keeping our memory right now. Still alive. And then we find and then we have the pitchers from the Mets who the Mets did a 1969 Remembrance of the championship team. They did a montage to the sellout crowd,

and it included some passed away members like Gil Hodges and Tug McGraw. And it also included Jim Gosker and pitcher Jesse Hudson, who are still alive, still alive people of the year. So those guys are nominated. Let's go to our celebrity guest who, by the way, I didn't realize was still alive. Hey, this is about to ask Billy Gunn, former DX member,

former WWE superstar, and now Hall of Famer, now AEW producer. I'm here to announce the takey. I hope I pronounced that right if I did not apologize. Takey, for the still alive person of the year. And the winner is drum roll, something like that. I can't get a drum roll, so I'm just going to go like this.

The winner is Tommy Lasorda, who is very much alive at the taping of this. If you're not down with that, I've got two words for you. Suck it. Love it. The ass man, Billy Gunn. I made sure to put in that note that as of the taping of this, so he is still alive, and he is still alive,

and shout out to Tommy Lasorda, our good friend for being still alive. I don't like the fact that Billy Gunn said that he was a former WWE superstar. Yeah, I feel like you're once and always, right? For life, for life. All right, last one before we get to Blake of the Year. Yeah, so that's the last of the celebrity presenters.

From now on, it's strictly part of my take. This is a very important award, inaugural award. This takey is for Doink of the Year. And the nominees are the first Doink. That was a good Doink. Really loud. I still think it was going into the first Doink. Really loud Doink.

I thought it was going in. Nice little sound off that one. The second nominee for Doink of the Year for 2018-19 is the second Doink. That one I didn't think was going in. That one was the heartbreaker. Yeah, that one was like this isn't going in. That was the kill shot.

Yup, the second Doink. Double tap. The winner of the inaugural Doink of the Year award goes to the second Doink. That was the one that really made it special. That was the one. That one deserves a win. Because if it was just a single Doink,

that happens all the time. Well, sometimes four times in a game, but the second Doink really made it really pop. It did deserve to win the second Doink. OK, let's get to the most important award of the year. It is the Blake of the Year award. We actually did this a day before to try to throw them off the scent, because the rules were very clear.

We're going to call you at some point this week, and we didn't want to call them on a day that we taped the show. So let's do it. OK, we have two awards left. The second to last award is the Blake of the Year award. This is probably the biggest award that we do every year. Well, listeners of the Year award. But yes, I mean, this is a big one.

Yes, it's a big one. This is a huge one. Now, Blake Bortles is two time champion. No, one time. Back to back. Well, by default, he won Blake of the Year. When? His first year of the Takies.

Did we give it out? By default, he won. OK, I think we should only give him one. I think we should only give him one. OK. He didn't officially win. He's got one. He's trying to defend his crown.

He was running unopposed last year, though. No, two years ago. Two years ago. Yes, so Blake Bortles is the defending champion for Blake of the Year. We are going to do it exactly like we did it last year. It is I call each Blake. PFT has the stopwatch in his hands.

The minute he hears a dial tone or a ring tone, he starts to stopwatch. The minute we hear the Blake answer and say a word, we stop it. And we will then calculate all the results from the three Blake's and then call back each Blake and get their thoughts on the competition and, again, we have Blake Bortles, Blake Griffin,

and Blake Kepka. OK, now before we get into it, do we want to put some money on it? I think that'd be fun. Have a little side bet going on. OK. So I tell you what. Or a cat.

I feel like, or maybe a cat. A big cat is the one that's made, I don't, I don't, I think me and you might have to. Big cat's the one calling. What does that have to do with this? You never know. Fix the box. No, he's not going to fix it.

You're so woke on like every cat that I've ever made. OK, you guys make a bet. OK, here's the bet. You two make a bet. Tell you what. I bet it's going to be, I got, I got Bortles. I got Brookes. 20 bucks.

You do? You're going with South African champion. All right, so I have Blake Griffin. 20 bucks. What does the winner get? Oh, 20 bucks. Everyone goes in 20 bucks. Cash app.

Perfect. OK. Let's go. How should we decide who gets to call first? I guess it doesn't really matter. Let's see. Jake, you decide. Oh, I think it actually should go seniority.

So it should go, Brookes has to get called first, then Blake Griffin, because he hasn't won yet, then Blake Bortles. OK, all right. All right, hang on, let me get the stopwatch set up. OK, we're good. Brookes going. OK.

Let me see. This is nerve wracking. OK, let me know when you hit send, so I can be ready to listen. OK, I am hitting the call button right now, but you're not hitting it till you hear, OK. This is Brooks Kepka, Blake of the Year nominee number one. OK.

What. That's great. That's great. OK, Blake, Blake, excuse me, Blake. That, you just answered in 7.9 seconds. Ooh. You were the first one that we called. Well, we'll see.

I'll call you back, because we're now going to call the other Blake, and we'll let you know if you won. That's going to be tough to beat. That's going to be tough to beat. shit you were the you were the long shot we'll call you back we'll get it and we'll call you back we'll let you know okay all right seven point nine seconds holy shit I didn't expect that that is I did not expect that damn you know what

though like Brooks shows up for major tournaments he does this is a big competition this will be if this is like if this is Blake of the month he would have sent it directly to his machine I'm gonna say right now I don't think Blake Griffin will be able to recover if he loses Blake the year to Brooks Brooks captain I really don't think he will be over cover okay I did not expect that seven point nine seconds wow okay all right so now we got Blake Griffin now this one there's been reports we'll talk to him afterwards there's been reports that he is he is very nervous about this oh he's very he's extremely nervous he

was getting chirped at the foul line this year he's getting chirped the foul line he said to me that every time he goes into a parking garage or an elevator he has a panic attack because it's been two days since we told him that we're gonna call I mean for the next year if he loses again everybody's gonna be saying to him like tough break on Blake of the year again dude I'm nervous for him I'm legit nervous he's about to he could become the Buffalo Bills of Blake's oh my god okay here we go all right ready all right I am getting the call set up when you hit send and I'm and I'll listen I will call you back

but as of right now you are in the lead Brooks Capcom picked up in seven point nine seconds which was incredible that was it that water performance no no you picked up in 2.8 Brooks Capcom picked up in 7.9 we're like that's gonna be tough to beat holy shit all right we'll call you back okay oh my god okay all right he's got to be I think that was the relief of not having to hold his phone yes for the entire next two days okay now now if Blake Bortles wins this it would be the greatest performance of all time this would be legendary stuff like I am nervous this is his hall of fame moment if he's able to rise above this

competition and if he doesn't pick up he's going to be he's he will be like the Toronto Raptors that one year a team just won out of randomly and we look back in history and we're like oh member when Bortles won it he'll be an also ran yeah okay you ready yep okay here we go call is being placed problem just sitting there saying calling mobile a new Blake here wow if he doesn't pick up the wireless customer you are calling is not available hold on let me just double check because there he did change his phone

number nope that's his unbelievable big-time job out of joke job what a choker ignore you he might he might have sent him to the machine it just went no I mean I'll try again right now let's let's see again just to on lease the parade there's are the parade let's try one more time just to make sure he's okay there actually should be a parade for do you think there was anything weird that happened there because it said the call the yeah the answering machine sounded a little generic to me and it took so long to give him another shot Hank but now he's expecting it let's just see let's just see let's just

time to see yeah it's going something's up with his phone right now he might be on a plane might be in the Tesla there's something up with his phone this is devastating the boat devastating I don't know what's up with his phone I mean I think he's just not picking up although that's not an answer that's only like three rings well there's no way Blake has an answer was that two rings it's only two rings that goes to the machine which tells me that that's not a normal it's not a normal phone that we're getting through to this is now

do we have is this like a is our people gonna say that there's something was a foot we have to have this be a good competition Blake Griffin sabotage Blake Bordel's phone should we call it should we call it I don't know if we can call it officially can you text Blake says like after you know like after a Kentucky Derby like you got to go back and and check the tape to confirm yeah what is it called what was it called the Derby this is the what objection this is no it's an inquiry inquiry yeah it's not an objection yet it's an inquiry into Blake Bordel's phone number I don't know what to say I really don't know when was

the last time you called him should we call Jared and see if he's with him okay maybe let's count Jared is Blake of the year maybe Jared will win Blake okay hold on all right here we go Jared Blake Griffin what a performance hey are you with Blake right now no damn he lost Blake of the year do you know if there's anything wrong with his phone yeah he just lost it I just tried to call him and he didn't pick up twice and Blake Griffin picked up in two seconds don't don't tweet anything out about it yet though yeah don't hey please don't go and tell ESPN at the Espeys on the

red carpet about our Blake of the year there's an embargo so Jesus this is devastating we're trying you know what we're we are clearly showing a little bias here because we're giving him every shot but yeah I think he lost it don't think he lost there was just something fishy yeah have you tried to call his phone and does it go to like a the wireless customer is not available right now that doesn't know that's not an excuse I'm also that's not an excuse all right well thank you Jared we'll try to track him down hopefully he's okay okay okay all right we'll talk to you later Jared unbelievable all right so I

guess that's it I think we have to call it yeah I don't think there's I think the only explanation is he could possibly be in a no-sell area right still that's part of the game we'll try one last time this doesn't even count but we'll try one last time just to talk to him no yes something's up with it because all the other calls even Jared's call went straight through his phone he lost it he Blake Portals has lost Blake of the Year unbelievable and a ward named after him stunning wow this you know you hate to see dynasties in but like we talked about with the Warriors earlier this year this is when it happens it's like

when you least expect it when they're at the peak of their powers you know one little thing goes wrong and next thing you know it's over yeah and all we have to do is look back and think about what might have been yeah so let's what we'll do now is we're gonna call the winner and the runner-up back and we'll get rocks right yeah that was great we did I mean 7.9 was good it was a good show we didn't expect it I'm very excited I'm already looking forward for it for a newcomer you know what though good for good for Blake Griffin oh he earned it he earned it he put in the time this offseason Portals he's you know he has

his championship that he can look on on his mantle he's always gonna have that can't take it away banners fly forever overall I think this was a great competition great competition Blake Blake Griffin yeah it is our pleasure to award you the 2019 Blake of the Year award congratulations congratulations what a performance what a performance you answered in 2.2 2.2 seconds it was 2.8 seconds 2.8 seconds and Brooks Kepke answered in 7.9 seconds and Blake Portals in an absolute stunner did not answer oh wow the pressure was too big huh yeah moment was pretty sell yeah so we know that you put in the work this

offseason you were ready for it you had contingency plans in place just in case you were at a spot where you didn't have your phone in your hand would you like you know would you like to say any words or thank us for giving you this just this dubious honor gosh I didn't prepare like a speech or anything first off I'd like to thank my family for believing me this whole time I you know obviously there's been a lot a lot of ups and downs a lot of a lot of naysayers a lot of haters but um you know somehow we made it here and I don't know man I'm

gonna lost the word you know do you know which family member gave you the name Blake I believe it's not my mom okay okay shout out mom I mean listen mom you know mom you're listening you're real you're the real BOTY yes that's true you are the real Blake of the Year Blake you in discussing Blake of the Year you were saying that you were taking like making sure every everything was set you were not leaving anything to chance can you talk us through the process that you went through this week to make sure that you were the winner of Blake of the Year yeah you know Monday morning when I was notified I I just kind of quickly put

in a plan of action I showered with my phone every day I actually hired somebody to hold my phone during workout and be ready to answer and yell at me so I get sprint over and yeah how much how much did you pay that person well we actually haven't figured it out yet I end up getting like some you know some like Jordan Gears something like that oh that's oh get lost in the mail yeah yeah exactly sure I think I actually I'm tracking down you guys but yeah he was in charge of my phone during workouts shout out Patrick you know the rest of the day was kind of on me but like I said I showered with my phone it's been

on loud this whole time I've annoyed everybody because my ringer keeps going off but I mean at the end of the day it's worth it you know after missing out last year because I was serving our country you know good things happen to good people I guess well and it was an amazing performance might I add 2.2 seconds we were in shock we thought Brooks Kepka had at one was 2.8 with 7.9 when you got the call what happened in those 2.8 seconds what was going through your head I mean as soon as I saw Big Cat's name on the screen I hit accept I was I'm actually just finished the workout so my phone

was still connected to the speaker so I quickly had to switch the audio over to speakerphone that could have cost you yeah I mean it did I probably would have I probably could have shaved a couple couple couple couple seconds off or maybe a second off if I hadn't had to do that but you know whatever we're here what a performance very proud of you yes so you can announce it till we announce it on Friday but congratulations again Blake of the year to you fantastic work and I think we're gonna see you in a couple weeks right you're gonna be in New York City I'll be there Sunday night oh you know what we'll throw

a parade for you yeah we'll have a parade we'll do canyons of heroes and we'll have a parade for you for Blake of the year great I'm looking forward to it thank you guys um you know for for giving me another chance and um I don't know it's like I said I don't know what to say yeah you're lost for words listen all I'm gonna say is enjoy this Blake but just so you know next year's coming and there will be some hungry blakes that will be looking to take back the title so have fun maybe yes take it all in but there will be yeah yeah well I'm gonna I'm gonna celebrate tonight but 364 more days until next next Blake of the year that's

right yes eyes on the prize yes all right Blake we'll talk to you later man all right let's think hello Brooks what up it regrets it pains us to inform you that you finished in second place for the 2019 Blake of the year award second out of third so not bad all right not too bad not too bad for a first timer no actually we'll tell you exactly how it went down you got the first call you answered in 7.8 seconds which we thought was fantastic we were to gassing you up we thought it wasn't gonna be beat we called Blake Griffin next he answered in 2.8 seconds and so he he did kind of he did kind

of wipe the floor with you I mean he set a course record yeah he did this is it's never been done that quickly but uh what to walk us through uh your first you know time competing in Blake of the year and the emotions you're going through knowing that you did not in fact win Blake of the year I'm actually quite pissed right now I'm actually pissed I can hear it said I literally had my phone in my hand about 10 seconds before that oh where was your phone when we called it was I was just chilling in bed and it was laying next to me oh no sliding doors moment yeah I'm starting to think cell phone service might no because we started the clock once it started to ring yeah so the connecting part wasn't an issue now I'll give you a little

consolation prize here you are the first inaugural winner of the South African Blake of the year award yes yeah so you do get a takey for that I did win something I guess so uh yeah I mean I could tell you when we first broke the news to you you were happy that you were just you know second out of third but now that it's set in that you were that close it's got to be painful because this is an important you know event and you won't have a chance to to compete in it again until next year I know I gotta wait a whole year yep whole year but I did get smoked which I'm actually quite pissed at yes smoked absolutely yeah big time not even close no now would you be more upset though if you had lost if you put together like a great performance and you had

picked up in three seconds flat and gotten beat by point two seconds wouldn't that sting a little bit more than getting just blown out of the water yeah absolutely yeah if you're gonna get beat you might as well just get lapped yeah so because there's nothing worse than getting your heart ripped out it's like a it's a bad beat man like last second buzzer beater yeah you were waiting after the 18th green to see how Blake Griffin was gonna finish it turns out he shot an eagle yeah you had no chance yeah um what do you have any strategies uh going forward uh next year's competition are you gonna maybe look at look at how you dealt with this year's competition and try to figure out a way to uh win this I mean it's a tough tough award to win Blake Griffin went to lengths he had a

kid holding his phone while he was training all week yeah that's what I'm saying I think I just need to hire someone to hold my phone and answer every call now I think that's the way forward yes I will say behind the scenes just so that you know next year we're counting it on when you say hello so if so if somebody else picks up the phone says hi that isn't a Blake that doesn't count as as the end of the stopwatch so it has to be you yeah I mean this kid where that I hire next year is gonna have to like be standing within like a step of me everywhere I go yeah or he could just have like a uh Blake Kepke soundboard queued up on his computer yeah hello hello um that's true so Blake slash Brooks one last question from me uh we're not going to release this till Friday so

don't say anything don't tell anyone that you finished second in Blake of the year but when we do release it and Brandilis Chambliss finds out what do you think his reaction is gonna be he's gonna be pumped he's gotta be I mean I'm a loser it's a big time told you so moment for Brundle this year brandy the chamby um also shout out to you for getting your new logo which you promised us awesome looking logo very nice yeah is it good you got I get the approval you get the approval the old one is gone where it's a new it's a new Brooks Kepke Blake Kepke uh and you know unfortunately you've never won anything with this new logo but maybe next year yeah yeah good luck at the SPS tonight too are you at the SPS

yeah I'm at the SPS oh yeah I wouldn't get my hopes up the people the talent scouts over at ESPN don't they don't know shit wait don't worry about that wait do you think you're gonna win I'm definitely not gonna win golf for the year what what are you up for athlete of the year and golfer of the year okay I got a better chance of winning athlete of the year than I do golf for the year because Tiger Woods okay I'm gonna throw this out there if you win any award and you say uh I first want to thank part of my take go subscribe and unsubscribe right now we might have to reconsider Blake of the year yeah yeah just gonna throw that out there you can still win it I think honestly I think that yeah that might be that might trump

all yeah listen I'm gonna have to go to the committee with that because that's clearly extenuating circumstances uh that I think Blake will get a tattoo of our logo I think if I win if I win male athlete and I walk on stage and just say that and walk off yes that's the ultimate mic drop right yeah you'd win that's a six second subtraction from your time yes yeah at least yeah okay well just food for thought have fun tonight and hopefully we'll see you soon man all right sounds good better boys all right thanks thanks Brooks all right okay I have gotten word from Blake Bortles what did you say here look an hour later Blake it's over yep I regret to inform you you finished in third place for the 2019

call never come through the call it does that's it we ran it we called it rang and unfortunately Blake when you listen to the tape we wanted to give you every chance to defend your title we I think we showed a little bit of our bias which is not going to sit well with the other Blake's but I texted you I didn't get a text back for like 20 minutes are you okay yeah hey you hear me yeah are you okay yeah no I'm at Riviera and I have no service they don't have phones in there so yeah I was fucked that's all that counts I was ready that's not an excuse yeah interesting that that Blake Bortles was on the golf course and Blake Kepka was just chilling at home in his bed interesting is that right a situation

no he came in second Blake Blake Kepka picked up the phone in 7.8 seconds Blake Griffin picked up the phone in 2.8 seconds god you know I've had my phone on loud and like I've been working out and like the different like things I do in the weight room I take my phone and set it down next to me so I got been ready yeah so I know I I sensed a little bit of animosity in your voice when you thought that Blake Kepka had won the award would you have been upset if a newcomer had won yeah you know I mean nobody likes nobody likes the new kid on the block winning I mean I guess some people do like I'm gonna say in a watching tiger continue to win you know oh shots fired in the Blake community wow rivalry is good for the game yes uh so what are you gonna do I mean this is

we our our thought was that you got a little you know comfortable with the title you thought the Blake right here was gonna last forever and you were just gonna keep winning it year after year and then boom you don't even pick up you know I think it's just it's a minor setback for a big comeback similar to my career so you know yeah hell yeah that's true that is true I mean again we when you listen to the tape we showed our bias we wanted you to win we're rooting for a back-to-back Blake of the year would have been a dynasty talk and that's always good for ratings yeah always good but there's there's there's nothing better than just a good back and forth rivalry though true you know what if this was a seven Blake series I feel like you would take

four out of seven yeah this is you know yeah everybody lays an egg next year's going to be intense knowing that uh you know it's all squared up with the blakes and Brooks is a newcomer mm-hmm right Brooks is definitely got to get on the board but I'm definitely I'm surprised at that was it 2.7 seconds 2.8 2.8 real quick incredible second yeah what fun he he was he was on it he was practicing all week he had he had a kid hold his phone while he was training oh Jesus hey I'm sorry I let you guys down that's okay are you least shooting well today uh no I was actually in the bar drinking and then we're headed out to play now all right we'll uh hit him straight all right all right all right later I like I like how Jared

really tried to set him up you're like he's probably working out yeah he's doing 12 pound or 12 ounce curls dude he was he texted me he's like you're blowing it Blake you're blowing it and uh I think there was a lot a huge amount of our fans that were rooting for the back to back title the dynasty talk well there's murmurs of it but Blake Griffin again he deserves it because that was absolutely an incredible all incredible all credit now it'll be interesting as the show progresses and we get more blakes involved uh are we gonna team up blakes or they're gonna be super teams big threes in place that would be interesting yeah if we just do call all three and they all have to we do an aggregate time yeah maybe a home and away aggregate yeah you know champions league

I like that scoring um but yeah so credit to Blake Griffin Blake of the year 2019 what a performance well deserved Blake well deserved blakes all around no Blake Bortles not really I can't be mad at him okay that's our show thank you guys for listening as always uh listening all the way through the end it's always great to see our fans interact with these type of shows it means a lot honestly that you guys stick around and uh you know you see everything through especially these long shows I know they can drag on sometimes but it's important because the biggest awards are always at the very end so thank you guys for listening all the way through and uh we'll see you monday we I think we got Doug Morone and Ice Cube there we go all right love you guys

hey you think we forgot do you actually think we forgot shame on you for thinking that we forgot about you of course you won award-winning listeners of the year three Pete three Pete that's a dynasty that is now officially a dynasty for the award-winning listeners out there I know the daddy gang there was a lot of buzz about them going into this year um but we're gonna stick it where listen question no question about it head and shoulders above all other podcast listeners just when you hold up the three make sure you do it with the the American way this way otherwise you won't be loud and wriggly fielded yes also if you're listening don't uh but let's let's let's

let people sweat it a little bit yeah let's let people if people got mad we want to see we want to we want the people that didn't listen all the way really to show themselves yes and permission to go there but uh this obviously started as a joke that we gave out award-winning listeners of the year but we actually do think that you guys are the best listeners in the world yeah so you do deserve this award and we actually do very much love you I know the pfd says it every show but I'm gonna say it right now I love you guys too and uh thank you for always supporting us and listening and uh congrats get drunk all weekend get you have permission from us get fucked up you know we should do let's do one of those things like when Andy Reid writes a note on a Thursday night game

to the entire city Kansas like what is it Kansas City play to get out of work early sorry I've had a full pounder of Bud Light here yes um play this for your boss on Monday morning play this for your boss and we're gonna write a letter saying that you have our permission to duck out early on Friday and get wasted all weekend yes love you guys Monday love you love you love you love you love you love you hey are you gonna say it love you guys