Pardon My Take - The Caps Are Stanley Cup Champions, Dan Haren and Belmont Picks With Randy Moss

Episode Date: June 8, 2018

The Washington Capitals are Stanley Cup Champions. PFT went to Game 5 and we recorded the show immediately after the game with his thoughts from Vegas (2:27 - 10:27). Ovi raising the Cup, TJ Oshie talking about his father, and all the moments from a historic night (10:27 - 16:08). NBA Finals talk and Kevin Durant had the scowl of the Century. Julian Edelman got popped for PED's but he's our friend so we don't believe it (16:08 - 23:22). One of our oldest recurring guests, Dan Haren, joins the show to talk baseball, Hank's theory about the seams being raised being true, and the time he tried to impress Kobe into shooting around with him at the gym (23:22 - 51:16). Randy Moss joins the show to give us his Belmont Picks and tell us who you should be betting on as Justify tries to win the Triple Crown (51:16 - 61:16). Segments include Stay Woke, Uhhh Ya Think for Nick Saban, and listener Roasts. You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. On today's part in my take, the Washington capitals are your Stanley Cup champions. Yes, I said that it is real. The capitals have won the Stanley Cup. We have Dan Herron, good friend Dan Herron, recurring guest. And we also have Randy Moss giving you some picks for the Belmont on Sunday, maybe a triple crown. Wow. Alright, before we do that though, you're gonna want the cash app because you're gonna win money betting on the Belmont and need somewhere to put it. So if you haven't heard, we've switched to the cash app. It's the number one ranked app in finance and lets you do the most with your

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boosted download the cash app, get free cash card and select your boost. Also don't forget that when you download the app and tweet your cash tag to app part of my take, we will reward a lucky award winning listener with cash every single episode. Hank, who'd we hook up last time? Bobby. Bobby. Be Cod. Be Cod. Okay. All right. So download the cash app. Yeah, download the cash app. No, I got no beef with Bobby. He's got some money. Download the cash app. You too might win some free money every single episode. All right. Let's go. It's part of my tip. Today is Friday, June 8th and PFT. Your Washington capitals are Stanley Cup champions.

I am a Stanley Cup champion. I am personally a Stanley. No, I'm not. I mean, tonight was one of those nights where I'm never going to forget where I was. I'm never going to forget how it felt. It was a feeling unlike I've ever felt in my entire life. When you, when you watch a team like the capitals that has, that has struggled over the years to get over like so many humps, like a Kate Upton boob amount of humps, it is, it's all the more satisfying when you finally do something. And I'll tell you what, like the moment that a vetch can grab the cup and he just, I'm going to back it up. The moment he sprinted off the bench and just looked like he was nutting, crying, screaming, laughing all at the same time. That is life affirming. I

don't mean to get all serious. I'm getting too serious right now and I'm probably going to listen back to this podcast in like a year and be like, wow, I was a real nerd. But I'll tell you what, it was awesome and it felt great and I, I, I can't even, I'm running out of adjectives to describe it. The only reason you're going to feel like it was lame is because the cap's probably going to win again next year. And you're like, this, we're used to this, right? The dynasty has already begun. All I can do is hope that Washington sports fans won't turn into Philly sports fans the way that Philly sports fans turned into Boston sports fans. You got, well, you got to eat some poop first. You got to eat your poop. So it was actually a good idea to make me eat poop after the penguins

went because I'll be honest with you. After the Stanley Cup, why would I ever eat poop? Like we already won. You know, I had to keep the mow going. So I kept the mow going and I regret nothing. So the watching on TV, we saw a couple of moments you probably didn't get to see. I mean, what you just described seeing a championship in person, like that's, that's every sports fans dream look unbelievable. There were so many caps fans in the stadium. How much was it? Like 40% I don't know if it's 40% down on the lower level, especially on one side. It was probably 50 50 in the arena itself. It was probably more like 70 30. I'll say this, like Vegas fans are awesome. They're great. I ran into only like a couple dozen assholes. Wait, you said that wrong. Long

suffering Vegas fans. Sorry, long suffering Vegas fans fans for life. They've waited for this moment for literally dozens of weeks. And you got to feel for them. Your heart goes out to them. But they were a good bunch. And the ones that I met in DC, even they're a good group of people. So and one thing that I noticed from everybody that I talked to was that they all agreed like, we can't take this for granted because even though it's our first year, like, we're, you know, you're not guaranteed to get back to this moment anytime soon. So Vegas fans were awesome. The arena was cool as shit. The entertainment, it was like being at a rave. It was like being at a rave at a hockey game. And it was it was very, very, very cool. Their mascot was like walking around

through the stands. I don't know if you saw it, but after Ovi scored his goal, he just happened to be right next to me like their night, the guy that vanquishes the foes and summons Tresigays and poison arrows and shit. The guy who's going to demand like a 10 year, $14 million contract when he gets a little too big for his britches next year. Yes, the future Ragnar was was walking up and down the aisles. And he was right next to me and Ovi scored his goal. And I just tapped him on the shoulder and I was like, let's go over you. What do you think? What do you think, buddy? And he was like, shut up, you fool. Like you stay in character. I think I think I tweeted out the video. So you should watch it. It's pretty fucking hilarious.

So the whole arena was amazing. The atmosphere outside was really cool before the game. So and I honestly, I can't think of a better city to win a championship in. And then go to your hotel room and record a podcast. Yeah, I was on my way back. I was like, no big deal. I just have to record a podcast and all the ladies were like, yeah. So, so watching on TV, a couple of moments that were like stuck out for, because, you know, obviously only 20,000 people got to go to the game. Everyone else watching on TV. Ovi getting the cup was one of those very special moments. You don't have to be a caps fan. Like we are to know like how much it meant to him, how much like that Ovi has, and we all made our jokes. Ovi's eaten a lot of shit,

but he is an all time great player. So for him to have that moment, that's like that, that kind of gives you hope. Like as a sports fan, like that's, that's what it's all worth it. You didn't see, because you're probably walking out of the arena. TJ Oshe talking about his dad was maybe like, I, I mean, I started to get tiered. I started to well up and don't take my man card, but that was like when you tweet like sports, I love sports. Like TJ Oshe talking about his dad who's battling with Alzheimer's and how he's going to remember this moment. My dad, uh, oh boy, he doesn't, uh, he doesn't remember a lot of stuff these days. Um, he remembers enough, but I tell you what, he's here tonight. I don't know where he's at, but, uh, this one will stick with him forever.

You can guarantee that. You talk about the life affirming moment that that was one of those special, special moments that you can only get through sports. And just the Caps fans, the shots of DC were insane. Like the city, the amount of people, the masses of people that were watching the game outside was incredible. And, uh, like you said, long suffering been a long, long time. So congrats to DC. Hell of a night. Hell, dude, four fucking series closing out the series on the road for, and they came back from, I didn't realize it until that little hobbit, Gary Betton said it on the mic tonight. Yeah. That's, that's pretty crazy. Um, what a team. Like just like just thinking about the run, they had, they were just, uh, we were talking about their strength

the whole time. Like they, that it's, it's to break, they didn't have a curse, but to break something, you know, the, all the bad juju and everything they've had to be able to do it on the road, to be able to do it the way they did. Just a fucking hell of a team. Yes. A really, really good team. And, you know, they were down going into the third period. And of course, I was nervous because they were down by a goal and I didn't want the series to go to six games because, you know, I've seen, obviously the caps have blown a lot of three one leads. Don't let that distract you from the fact that the Golden State Warriors blew three one lead in the NBA finals. But, um, I was a little bit nervous going to that third period, but I knew that, you know,

we had a special team that, uh, that was different from all the other capitalist teams that we've seen in the past. And guys went out there, they're throwing their body around DSP had a hell of a playoff. I guess Bobby or the finals, that goal that he scored was, was incredible. That's, that's a goal that you score when you're playing for your teammates, you know, not just for yourself. You're playing a little bit bigger and going back to what you said about Oshie, like I, and again, I'm going to look back on this and be like PFT or such a fucking nerd. Well, that, that one line, though, but the goal playing for your teammates, that line, you're definitely going to look back. Definitely, definitely going to say it, but it's also kind of true. Um, but when, when Oshie was

talking about his dad, cause I did see that video, like we all have, you know, connections with people and a lot of times it takes sports to, uh, be able to, you know, open up, you know, lines of communication with people that you otherwise wouldn't. And that is like, it's just a reminder that, yeah, sometimes for all the shit that sports, you know, brings us into a lot of times we take sports too seriously. Um, it can be a very, very cool thing and one of the best things. So I'm, again, like I, I, I am running out of great things to say about tonight because just too many positive things are going on at once and my brain is like, you need to make fun of something. Okay. So let's do that. Cause that was all well said and congrats again. I mean, it's a congrats to

you guys too. Oh, thank you. So yeah, let that's a good segue to let's look. Yeah. Podcast of champions. Um, the Cubs, the Caps. That's it. That's it. No, just that's it. Um, so let's, uh, let's make some jokes then with, let's start with the greatest joke that's ever been told. Uh, about three months ago, March Madness, when I texted Hank and I said, Hey, do you know what would be a funny joke is if we each put in a hundred bucks on the Caps to win the Stanley Cup at 15 to one, that might be my greatest joke. Excellent joke. Excellent. That, that joke and you had to wait, you had to wait for the payoff of it, but it was good. Yeah. That's, that was 100% a joke when we did that to, uh, you know,

just kind of needle you and guess the joke. Well, no, the joke wasn't on us because we all won 1500 bucks. Yeah. Honestly, I was never needled by it. I was glad to have people that were at least kind of in my corner, even if not really like it's, it was okay. No, we were, we were, um, I have a staff for you. You ready for this? The Vegas golden nights, hell of a season. They never lost four games in a row. Imagine dragons get on the ice. They then lose four games in a row. I told you, I told you there was a curse, man. Yikes. They need to exercise those demons. And I think the only way they can do that is by writing a song with us. Yeah. Or Dan Reynolds needs to eat candy. One of them needs to just soak for a while.

Yeah. Just soak it out. Yes. Soak it all in. Um, what else we got? I mean, you're going to, you're going to go out after this. You're going to party it up. Maybe even see the cup. You think you're going to see the cup tonight? I'm going to try to see the cup tonight. Uh, we'll see what happens. Has there been a couple of phone calls in? Has there been word that the cup is staying in Vegas tonight or no? Uh, I'm waiting on confirmation about that right now. Okay. Um, yeah. I mean, there's, I don't really know what, what advice as someone who's won a Stanley cup before in this blog world, what advice would you give PFT for his next 48 to 72 hours? Oh yeah. Okay. That's a good call because I've spent a little time with the cup.

The biggest advice is you want to never like when you're, if you find yourself in a spot where you're rolling around with the cup, you never want to be within 10 feet of the cup, but you never want to be farther than 20 feet away from the cup because then you'll get left behind at the party, but you don't want to be like so close. Everyone's like, who the fuck is this guy? There's this like this nice buffer zone where you feel people look at you and you're like, I think he's part of the team situation going on, but I don't think anyone's going to think I'm part of the team. You'd be surprised dude if you, cause you grew your, uh, your Sydney Crosby playoff beard. Yeah, fair point. So people definitely will be like, Hey, this guy might be part of the team. Look at his facial

hair. He's like, you know, he didn't dress for the, for the finals, but he's definitely part of the team. Good, good point. Um, yeah. Also, if you're closer than 10 feet to the cup, you're going to accidentally photo bomb everyone that takes a picture with a cup and then you end up like hockey cylinder man. Yeah. Which actually is kind of fun. Yeah. That's not a bad thing. Also, the cup goes to bed. People don't realize the cup goes to bed around 11 midnight every night, maybe not tonight, but the guy with the weird hair, he just takes a cup home like at midnight parties over for the cup. And then the weird shit happens, right? Yeah. And then the weird shit happens. Yeah. That's when it gets good. Um, what else do we got? I mean the, the hell of a night, uh, PFC, you give your,

I'll give my thoughts. You give yours because everyone wants to hear yours. I, I'm happy for you, genuinely happy for you. The, and I'm also happy the way that it happened for you, because like beating the penguins really meant something to going to, you got to go to game seven in Tampa. You got to go to fucking game five and see the cup in the building tonight in Vegas. So, uh, hell of a run. And I don't really know how you're going to top it. I don't know what you mean. You probably got to eat poop. That's the only way that this night could get better as if I ate horse shit. I'll be honest with you, but no, you're, you're absolutely right. The, the star is like kind of a line. Shout out Ricky Williams. I didn't really believe in astrology until this year,

but, um, beating, beating the penguins the way that we did in that overtime. And then like you said, we were, we were there. Actually, let's start with Columbus. We were down zero two against Columbus and we came back and then we beat the penguins. Then we were at game seven in Tampa and then got to witness a Stanley cup in Las Vegas. It doesn't get any better than this as a sports fan. So I guess I just got to pick the shittiest team in football and start rooting for them. Cleveland Browns. So the Browns, I'm a Browns fan. Wait, it does get better than that PFT because guess what? We don't have to read a fucking book. Oh yeah. That's really nice. We'll have Taffer on on Sunday night. We don't have to read a book and we also get some cocktails named after

us. Um, that's, that's a nice little hair to the dog. Yeah. Taffer texted me, not to brag, texted me like 30 minutes ago. He was like, Hey buddy, you want to get breakfast tomorrow? I was like, John, I don't know what time you think I'm going to be eating breakfast, but it's probably not going to be before one PM. I'm shocked that he didn't text you be like, Hey PFT, how do you like your eggs? And it's like, he just assumed. Um, so congrats to everyone in Washington DC. Congrats all Caps fans. Uh, I think we should, before we get to the interviews, we should quickly talk about the Cleveland Cavaliers being DEAD dead, dead, dead, dead, dead Kevin Durant with the scowl of the century killed the calves. And, uh, it's now, I think we

actually have to bring up, it might be back to torch passing season. Yeah. I think torch goes directly to Kevin Durant. Um, you can't, I don't see how you can make the argument that it's the bronze league anymore. I, I don't know why, but I was watching Kevin and he was shooting from like 40 feet. He was basically pulling up from like the equator and just nailing shots all day. And it just pissed me off that he's, he didn't go with the slim reaper. Yes. Yes. Or the, or the Durantula. It was, yeah. I just, I, at the time I was like, he should be called, uh, the widow maker. The widow maker felt like a good nickname for Durant. I don't know why. Like, I don't think he's ever killed a guy. Um, but he, he ripped the heart out of the entire

city of Cleveland. And I wouldn't be surprised if, uh, if Cleveland just came out and laid a total egg in, uh, in the next game. Yeah. It's going to be tough for them to bounce back. Kevin Durant, you're absolutely slim reaper. That was a slim reaper night. He went and he took, he, like, we just talked about the caps and how great sports are with Oshi and Ovi and all this stuff. The other side of how great sports are is when a player reaches that higher level and you can watch him rip the hearts out of not only the opposing team, but all the fans. And it's like, wow, that is a bad man. And that scowl he put on, he did like a dog snarl. He looked like he wanted to bite someone in that moment. And I think he wanted to bite Steph because Steph's

been injured and it's no longer Steph's team. But yeah, the calves, LeBron, I mean, hell of a playoffs, but that's three and six. I have a quick embrace debate for you. Um, we've given Kevin Durant a lot of shit for, for, you know, ring chasing, switching teams. Should we be giving more shit to Steph Curry for allowing Kevin Durant onto his team? Never allow another man to, uh, take your rings. Yeah. Don't let another man mow your lawn. I, I actually, he's the beta. Yeah, that's true. Although the best part about the Kevin Durant and Warriors thing is if Steph comes out and scores like 35 points in game four and a win, all the Warriors fans are going to be going even crazier and stuff's going to be doing his wiggle and they're like Steph's team, Steph's

team, Kevin Durant, they will never love you. Like they love Steph. And that's got like that, that, that, that actually is a nice consolation prize for anyone who hated Kevin Durant making that move is the fact that deep down he knows that they will never love him. Like they love Steph and Clay. Yeah. So, I mean, do we see a possible world where Katie and LeBron unite together? Katie has given himself now a nice cushion though. Cause now we can leave, start his own super team and already be two and oh in the fond. Yes. With two MVPs. Yeah. Well, uh, our friend Troll Withers, uh, actually made the point that the, if you're a superstar, you should just invite other superstars to your team for this exact reason. Like when, when LeBron went to, to Miami,

it was still Dwayne, wait, like the fans still love Dwayne Wade. That's their guy. So you basically, if you're, if you are sitting on a team right now, you're like, yeah, honest, come on over or, you know, LeBron come to Philly because guess what? Philly will love Joelle and Bede more than they love LeBron and LeBron will take all the heat if things go south. So it's actually a perfect, no one has it better in sports than Steph Curry right now. Yes, you're absolutely right. I, I think, um, yeah, no, you hit the nail on the head and then LeBron is, you know, I think he's probably going to stay in the East. I don't think he's going back to leaving. We'll get into reporting where he's not going to go a little bit later in the show, but, um, I don't see a world where

LeBron goes out to the West. Well, you know, Clay and Steph Curry and Draymond are still on that Warrior's team. I think you might be a little drunk or because you, uh, you know, just want a Stanley Cup, but you just accidentally said Leaveland, I think, and I think we should probably make that shirt. Leaveland. Oh, that's pretty good. Yeah. I'm actually not drunk. It pains me to not be drunk right now. You'll get plenty of time for that later. Yeah. Good, good thing. The bars don't, don't close till two o'clock. We learned that Mayweather, McGregor. Yeah, credit to me for not getting drunk. I don't think that we've actually given me enough credit for that. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Um, yeah, credit to you for getting to go to the game

and not getting drunk. Yeah, credit hero. All right. Before we get to Dan Herron and Randy Moss, we need to quickly address, uh, Julian Edelman. So as big Jays, uh, who are, you know, we respect the journalism game more than anything, I think our official statement on Julian Edelman is he's a really cool guy. So we're not going to say anything bad about him. Yeah. I mean, the last time I checked in the United States of America, you're innocent until proven guilty. So as a big Jay journalist, my stance on it is to tell other big Jay journalists to back off my friend. Yeah, exactly. And I've played Call of Duty with Julian Edelman multiple times. I've fought many wars with him and I never noticed service. I never noticed any, uh,

you know, performance that was out of the ordinary. He usually his, his kills, his kills to death ratio was pretty consistent throughout no big spikes. So from where I'm sitting, probably didn't do it. Well, that's a fair point because if he had been on PEDs, his, his quick twitch thumbs probably would have gotten a little bit faster and you would see more focus, that sort of thing. If it was Adderall. So, um, yeah, I say all signs point towards the false positive at this point. Big, big time J by us. That's, that's, uh, that was nice. Although Hank, should we, can we just, should we throw it out there? Well, the stay, the stay woke TB12. Well, TB12 is, yeah, that's a good possibility or that he accidentally like drank from Rob Gronkowski's water bottle

that had leftover party drugs in it or whatever. Um, but a stay woke came through my inbox today. This is, uh, from listener, Adlandia, who was tuned into Jim Rome and a Jim Rome caller said that he thinks that this was set up by Bill Belichick to get back at Tom Brady, since Edelman is such a good friends with him. It does give Belichick AMO theoretically in the TB12 working out players. Yes. Yes. We'll say that. Also, um, our friend Coley, Coley Mick throughout the theory, when you talk about TB12, you also have to say Julian Edelman played with Wes Welker. Wes Welker played with Peyton Manning, Peyton Manning's wife did HGH. Yeah. All roads lead to, to that. Um, this definitely opens up a big door for Brax and Berrios to step in

and for announcers to accidentally call him Julian Edelman. Yes, exactly. Um, all right, let's get to our interview. So PFT is in Vegas. He's going to DC. Are you going to DC? I haven't decided what my plans are for the weekend yet. So maybe. Okay. I'm going to Chicago and if you want to watch LeBron go three and six in the finals, I'm going to be at Parley, Chicago, doing a little watch party on Friday night. So come out. Uh, we're giving away tickets at Hubbard and two Cubs tickets. Uh, and you might go to DC. I'm being Chicago. We'll be back on Sunday. All the gang will be back together. We can talk a little bit more about the caps. And I think we have another old time friend, recurring guest, old time friend who's going to be on the show.

But, uh, let's kick it to our interviews with Dan Herron and Randy Moss. All right. Before we get to Dan Herron, I want to talk to you guys about bird dogs shorts. They are the best. Listen, we endorse things, but this is a special endorsement because I actually, they sent us a bunch of shorts and I've been wearing them ever since I got them. They are the most comfortable shorts that you could ever own. Perfect. Stylish for the summer, but you also have the comfort of bird dogs. You can also swim in them. They got a silky soft inner liner. And here's a fun fact for you. Mark Cuban actually passed on bird dogs on shark tank. He also passed on my brain owning 10% of my brain back in, uh, what was it? 2015. Mark Cuban, you're a big dummy. You should have bought bird dogs. You

should have bought my brain. And I'm telling you, have you gotten your bird dogs Hank? Yeah. Okay. So I literally actually know, please send me some. Yeah. If you look at, if you look at the grit week video, I was wearing bird dogs every single day. I wore the same pair of bird dogs. You and PFC talk about how much you love your bird dogs all the time. And I get really jealous. Well, here's, here's, here's the part I really like. And this is off script. I'm going off script here. Bird dogs has these zipper pockets, special pocket for your phone, special pocket for your wallet. So you just know, like, you know, that feeling when you're wearing shorts in the summer and your phone could drop out at any moment. Uh, uh, not with bird dogs. They got those zipper

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to you. So are you a pitching Ninja guru or whisperer? Strategist. Oh, okay. What does that mean? That's my official title. Okay, so spreadsheets. No, I wouldn't go. I wouldn't say Ninja. No, doesn't someone have that? The pitching ninja. Yeah, that's what I was gonna do. Do you do gifts? Do you make gifts for the team? I do not know how to make a guess. No, are you one of those guys who doesn't know how to work Excel and all that stuff? So you just have someone else do it for you and you just tell them, Hey, punch this in. Yes. Okay. I like that. We went over all this two years ago when I was on the podcast, but one of the most difficult parts for me is I have to write reports every day and I don't know how to type. So it's really time consuming and I don't

know how to work Excel. So every time I have an issue, I have to call text the fourth. Okay. So yeah, yeah, that's I mean, that's fair. So there actually was a really good article written about you in the Arizona central and I texted you after and you said, I'm not reading that because it gives me second hand embarrassment when someone writes something about me. So I'm going to do you a favor and read it to you. So you said, quote, I thought it'd be cool to help even if it's one person who may be struggled in their preparation in the past and it was holding them back. I thought it would be really good to be a part of helping someone along with their career. Even if it's just a little bit, little things can really turn someone's career around. I wanted to be part of

something. I felt like I had something to offer. So with that said, whose career did you turn around? Who like what credit would you like to take here on this podcast with our pictures? Come on, I can't do that. Are you serious? How about I take credit for being one of the first five or so guests on this podcast and making you guys who you are today? Okay. So like, you know, do people, I haven't listened to people still listen to the show. I haven't listened to it. No, occasionally. It's actually just we canceled the show. It's just we wanted to talk to you. Yeah. Okay. Cool. So, so you don't want to take credit because that you, you might be more humble than Marlon's man in that entire article. You basically the whole time you're like, I don't want credit. I don't

want credit. Meanwhile, you kind of changed everything for the Diamondbacks and revived everyone's career. First of all, there's no more humble person than the Marlon's man. So don't even put me in the same breath as him. What he does for baseball, I mean, for the sport and for the troops, you can't measure that. But I don't know, you know, it's uncomfortable. Seriously, it's uncomfortable taking credit just because I see the guys in the clubhouse and I don't want, and it's, I don't want them to think that I, I think they're doing well because of me, just it's uncomfortable. It's an uncomfortable spot for me because I was a player and now I'm kind of like front office a little bit. And I knew how players always resented front office being around

and thinking that they mattered. So I have, with that article, I wanted to make sure to tell people that I didn't matter. Yeah. So I actually thought that was interesting part of the article. You said when you were a player, you didn't like guys walking around taking credit that weren't part of the team. Does that happen in a lot of teams and a lot of clubhouses? Yeah. I mean, I think that you know, you get 25 guys in the clubhouse and you see all these nerds walking around all day and now I am one of those nerds. So I, I, it's a, it's a slippery slope that I have to deal with whenever I'm with the team. And I guess I'm not going to take credit for any of the pitchers, but I'd say that the pitchers have been great for the D-Best because I feel more comfortable

this year than I was last year, that's for sure. So hypothetically, if we had a general manager, like a real boy genius on our podcast, maybe Theo Epstein, and we talked to him, do you think that there would be a little bit of dissent in, I don't know, maybe the Cubs clubhouse being like, Hey, why'd you have Theo and maybe they play a little less hard that year and maybe not win the World Series again? That's a tough one. I'm just connecting. Yeah, you are. Theo is really well liked by the players, you know, he gets out there and he's, you know, he's in the clubhouse, he'll meet the guys off the field a little bit. Like he's just, he's like one of the few cool guys to deal with. I mean, that I dealt with as a player, just super personable.

So, if we're looking at the job that you've done, you're not going to take any credit for it, but here's a little trick I'm going to pull on you. What would your pitchers say about you, if we ask them? It depends on who you ask. I would say, you know, they're all going to say the right things. They don't want to say anything bad about me. I'm sure a few will listen to the podcast. So, shout out Zach. No, definitely not. But no, I don't know what the, I don't know what the players, but I mean, I think that I handle myself all right around the guys. I mean, you know, I don't want to act like I'm one of them, like a player or something. So, I think that I do my best to be well liked. Let's just say that. Okay. So, are you crushing my

dreams? My dream in life is to, for some team to be like, hey, big cats, like kind of a, you know, he's a guy's guy. He can just hang out with the guys. He can be basically the clubhouse like Feng Shui. Yeah, the glue, the Feng Shui for personalities. Do you think that would actually work in some, in some like alternate reality where they'd be like, hey, let's hire him to just hang out? This, this is a pretty abstract alternate reality. Where you have anything to do with professional baseball team work. I don't know if I'm crushing your hopes and dreams, but I would stick with your day job. I have a little tip for you. Maybe you can take this in the office, win a few more games this year. You play in Colorado a lot, right? Yeah. And people don't

talk. We're playing, we're playing there this series. Okay. Well, Rado is what they call it. Rado, you can play out in the rod and here's a little piece of advice that you can pass on. The altitude up there, it's a factor. So, tell your pitchers to keep the balls down in the zone. How about that one? That's good stuff. I'll, I'll make sure I pass it along in our advanced meeting. I think it was this podcast coming up Friday, so it'll be our advanced meeting Friday. I'll make sure I mentioned to the GM that we should keep the ball down because PFC said so. What do you do? Cause I mean, actually Arizona is the second highest altitude in Major League Baseball. What do you do to combat that? Like what is the antidote to high altitude and trying to

not let the ball just fly out of the yard every single, at bat? Well, we have a humidor this year. Us in Colorado have a humidor. So, you know, smart, smart move by me coming in first, my first year with the D-backs, we were the last, we were last in pitching and there was nowhere to go but us and we went up and then this year we added the humidor. So, I'm sure our numbers will still be probably pretty good. I don't know what we have in store for next year, but I have one year left on my deal, so we got to figure something out for next year to make it easier on me and make it look good. Yes, you do. What is the humidor? Explain that. It's like a cigar thing?

Yeah. Basically, I think it keeps the baseballs in a room at a certain temperature with a certain moistness to it, I guess you would say. How many beers for the balls that are inside the humidor? Those balls getting pretty soaked. Nice and wet. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. I think, yeah, it just, I don't know if it makes them drag a little more, makes them a little heavier or, I don't know what it does, but it seems to be working hard. Hank had an interesting stay woke a couple months ago. I want to ask your opinion on it. We're of the opinion that Major League Baseball has doctored the balls to increase the spin rate on pitches to make the pitches cooler to watch in GIFs. Have you noticed that? The seams have been raised. The seams have

been raised so that they can catch more air. Let's let the listeners in on this. They can't prep me on this question yesterday. I did. That's weird because they didn't prep me. I was sitting at lunch today. I shit you not. I was sitting at lunch today and I saw an article in, I think it was the athletic that they tested baseballs and the biggest difference between baseballs from, I think it was this year or last year and say 2013 or 14 was the seams were 9% bigger. Hank is right. Hank is actually right. The way they're wound, they go into detail. I didn't read the whole article, but the way they're wound, they show pictures and their, the seams are absolutely. That's amazing. Hank can't, Hank doesn't know what an OBGYN is, but he can spot seams on a baseball

being 9%. That's incredible. I want some of that athletic subscription money because they clearly went and did this after Hank got everyone woke on it. Like Hank led them to the, to, to the article there. Yeah, I know they should. I am a proud athletic subscriber. Oh, wow. I am too. Actually, we got the MLB money for the 9.99. I got a, I got a, what, who are you going to say? No, I was going to say, I don't know if it's like a, it's a monthly thing, but I've been still many subscriptions that just renew monthly. I don't know. I haven't checked my bank statement in a while. So yeah, actually, if you could every now and then go to the podcast app iTunes and just be like, resume downloading, pardon my take, even though you don't listen.

Okay. The, I have a question for you about pitchers that nibble. So you Darvish, not to name names, but certain pitchers, you'll see that they have good stuff, but they won't go after batters and they'll nibble. What is like, explain to me how that happens for a pitcher and how you fix that. I think what it is is pitchers don't trust their stuff. So they nibble around the strike zone and it takes a little bit of balls to throw, you know, to just say screw it. I'm going to throw strikes here rather than trying to, you know, nibble around the corners, maybe walk a guy or two. And that was one thing I find myself on when I played was that I didn't walk that many guys because a lot of times I just said, fuck it. I'm just going to throw it right down the middle

and see what happens. And, you know, a lot of times it worked out. Would you have thrown at Anthony Rizzo after he slid into home plate? Good question. No, I didn't think that was cheap at all. But no, I don't think I threw it. I don't think I would throw it. He's too nice of a guy, man. They gave us a big teddy bear. I threw it someone else on the couch one time. I forget who it was. Did that factor into your decision on whether or not to go after a guy if you knew that he was like a good guy from word of mouth? Yeah, I think maybe it does. Yeah, I know. Riz, he plays hard. I didn't think that was a cheap slide at all. But yeah, I mean, if you have past history with someone and you're somewhat like, I mean, I was kind of friends with them, I think

I'd be less likely to hit him on purpose if he pipped a home or something off me. What about like, how does it work though? I mean, did you throw it guys? Do you remember a time when in your career that you threw at a guy because of a hard slide or pipping a home run or anything like that? Absolutely. Yes. So how does that work? Like, does the manager tell you or is that just unwritten rules? No one has to say anything. Hey, this guy did this. I'm throwing him next inning. I would say early on it was either a manager or older teammates for me. I know there was times when I was a younger guy and I was told to hit somebody by either like a veteran player or a coach or something and I would hit them and they would, you know, I get fined or whatever

I'm throwing at someone and they would, they would definitely, they would always pick up the fines. So that was cool. And then I think as I got older, I took things upon myself to where I saw something go wrong in a game or if I wanted to do something, I would just throw at a guy. And what if you missed that? What if you missed that opportunity? If you didn't, like the Pirates, for example, the pitcher could have easily thrown it Rizzo that next at bat because it was like, I think it was 3-0 and there was an open base. Excuse me. Would guys come at you like on your, in your clubhouse after, be like, Hey man, you really got to, you got to step it up in those situations. I think yes, for sure. And I think Rizzo played it really good because if you tell

the media that they're going to hit you, then it looks super obvious that if they do hit you. So I think he played that really well. That's smart. A little chest by Rizzo. When was the last time you went to like an amusement park or a minor league baseball game and you saw that cage set up where you can throw at the radar gun? At the radar gun? It's been a while. I did some throwing at a Santa Monica, at the Santa Monica pier. I did the thing where you knock over three bottles with a ball. Did you do it? I did it. No. I won my son a Pokemon blanket. The first shot, first throw, I knocked him off. That carnival barker that brought you over is so bad at his job. His job is to just get anybody except for Dan Herron to stop by. Were you like, did you do it? And you're like,

man, maybe I still got it. Kenny Powers 3, the return to Dan Herron. The thing is, when I was there, when I was with my wife and kids, they just expect me to knock over all the things. It was so much pressure because my wife just thinks it's like a free blanket they're giving out. Of course I would knock the fucking things over. So yeah, I was a lot of pressure. Knocked the three bottles. Really proud of myself. I played it off school, but inside I was super, super happy. We had a real hot debate going on in the office today. I'd like you to weigh in on about the records of the Boston Red Sox and the New York Yankees. Now this is pretty advanced sabermetric stuff, so try to follow along. The Red Sox are in first place at the time of, what is

this, Wednesday afternoon when we're recording this. They have a record of 42 and 19. The Yankees have a record of 39 and 18. Which record is actually better? Because, now I know you're probably going to say the Red Sox, but the Yankees, they have the possibility of finishing with fewer than 19 wins and the Red Sox don't. So really, which one is better? Or fewer than 18 losses? That's a lot. That's a lot to process. Sabermetrically speaking, I would just say the highest winning percentage. So whatever, do the Yankees have a higher winning percentage? No, the Red Sox are up by 0.005%, but they have that big extra loss that the Yankees don't have. I don't know, but this is great podcast, so I'm sure the listeners are intrigued.

Sounds like you know it is. Sounds like you don't hate losing as much as you should. In your little stat sheets, how much do you put, is there a column for analytics? There should be. Again, we go into why your hopes and dreams were just crushed and why you're not going to be an executive. Whoa, I never said I was going to be an executive. I think you misunderstand the role that I would play. I would literally just hang out. You want to be a clubhouse blue guy. Yeah. Well, aren't you, weren't you already, that was a club and you moved. That was your fault. Yeah, I know that. That was my fault. Yeah. You had your dream job. You took the paycheck.

You moved to New York and you sold out on the club and now you're asking for that job. You're not getting that job with the Mexican Yankees. You had your job. You had your chance and you sold out. I just want to sit on the bench and choose sunflower seeds and every now and then be like, hey, Joe, maybe pinch hit someone once every month and that's my whole job. Or you could just be the guy that gives Joe Matt and his weird ideas like a magician, but you could kind of step it up a notch. Yeah. Sitting on the bench and eating sunflower seeds is one of the things I miss most about playing baseball. Sometimes my home and my kids are running rampant through the house and tearing shit apart and I just see guys

on the bench just chewing gum and eating seeds and it seems just so damn peaceful. Why don't you do it? You should just do it and not say anything. Like just show up one day with a uniform on on the Diamondbacks bench and just don't say anything. I bet you you wouldn't get kicked off. We have a coach with the Diamondbacks. His name is Robbie Hammack and he's the quality control coach or I guess he's the Creed Bratton of the D-Vex and I like his job. I mean, he does a little too much work for me. I mean, he's there like 24 seven, but I like his job quality control. Maybe that's maybe there you go. Maybe that's your job quality control of it, you know, for for a team. That's maybe that's your dream job. What's the quality control mean? He just sits there

and makes sure stuff's things are under control. Everything's okay. He actually, I don't want to, he does more than I said. He actually does a lot with defensive shifts and stuff. I'm just kind of Oh, I'm sure he does, but I'm asking like, can I get that job? Um, yeah, I mean, he he runs spring training actually. So out, out, out. Yeah. Yeah. So you have to be up at six, six o'clock in the morning and doing Excel spreadsheets and all that. See, in my mind, quality control is the manager just turns to you every now and then it's like you good. I'm like, yeah, I'm good. Okay, just quality control for yourself. You check and make sure that the hot dogs are still good. Yeah. No, this is okay. We're good.

You're the last one to get to the field and the first one to leave. Yes. Yes. That's the job you want. Are we allowed to ask you for predictions? Are you like bound by some stupid code of honor that you can't say who's going to win the World Series? I'm probably bound by a code of honor. We could just say Diamondbacks. You predicted the Cubs and Indians correctly. I did. Yeah. So it's going to be the Diamondbacks and who? The D-backs, Red Sox. But even knowing that the Yankees have a better record right now? Yeah, but do they have more losses or less? No, they have fewer losses. They have fewer losses. This is just too much. Right now it's impossible for the Red Sox to

finish the season with fewer than 19 wins, 19 losses. Yeah. Wait, I'm going to bring it back down to earth for something you understand. You are the biggest Kobe stan I know. It says a lot about you as your personality and what you stand for morally. You're lying. Give us the reason why Kobe is the goat and it's not MJ or LeBron. You're wrong though. I'm a big Lakers fan, but I don't think Kobe's the goat. Kobe's bugged this shit. He thinks he's so smart. That's what really bugs me is he thinks he's really smart. Yes. What else bugs me about it is I've met him several times and every time I met him, he acts like it was the first time I had met him. This was when I was pretty good at baseball. I kept running into him at places and it was like he's

never seen me before. So I'm mad at him. Mamba mentality. Just pretend you don't know anyone's name. We were at the gym one time and he was shooting across. He was shooting on the other basketball court and I walked in and I saw him shooting and then he closed the curtain so I couldn't see him shoot. Is this after he retired? This is after I retired. Yeah. And you know what? I was like, I was shooting, this was when I was shooting a lot. I don't shoot that much anymore, but I was like shooting really well at the time and I was thinking like if maybe he peeked over and I drained like six threes in a row, he'd want to play me horse. So that thought was like in my mind and then he just closed the gate, the curtain that I couldn't see. Have you, I love,

I love Kobe's little ESPN thing. He does like the inside look with Kobe where he's just like, all right, so here's the situation. There's three guys here and then a fourth guy comes over to me. That's when you square up and take your shot. Like, all right, so POW is open in the low post. No one's within 10 feet of him. This is where I'm going to rise up and take my shot. Yeah. This is, and by love you mean hate. This is, this is why he just thinks he knows it all. That's the thing. That's why he bugs me. Yeah, I just can't, I just came up with a good solution to your inability to create spreadsheets. You should just steal him from the Astros. Yeah, Cardinal. It's in your blood. Yeah. Oh yeah. There you go. Yeah, they teach that day one. Stealing is, if you're not stealing,

you're not trying. Cardinal Way. All right, we're wrapping up the Seeky question. If you want to go to a Diamondbacks game and see how good Dan Herron's pitching staff is pitching, all credit to Dan Herron. You could read that article in the Arizona Central where he said that it was all credit to him. You can use Seeky, put in promo code TAKE and you get $10 off. So the question for you, this is kind of a serious question. The draft was on Monday. You get a lot of guys who, they get picked and they're like, all right, they got to learn a second pitch or a third pitch. How long does it take for a guy to learn a second third pitch that they can then use in Major League Baseball? Wow. This interview took a serious turn. It did. Yeah. It took me a few years to,

I came out of college and I was throwing fastball, split, and curveball and it took me, I would say, three or four years of trying to throw a cutter to throw a cutter. So, I mean, it takes time. And the thing is, you've got to practice it out on the mound. So, and there's only, you know, you're not throwing year round usually. So, you know, it takes, I would say at least, I mean, several years to really master a pitch if you can do it. And, you know, I tried to throw a change-up for my whole career and never could throw it. What happened? What was the reason? My fastball turned into a change-up. Yeah, that's true. The joke I was going to do, but the reason, I don't know, something about the way like you turned your wrist on a change-up, you have to turn like the

ball over and I was just never able to do that. Did you ever try to throw a knuckleball? Yeah, I mean, mess around in between and try to throw, I was never good at it though. Did you ever try to throw an EFIS? EFIS takes a lot of touch. I never had that good of touch. Gracie throws an EFIS. Does he? Is he throwing, oh, he's throwing in a game. Yeah, yes. Okay. Oh wait, last, last question. Is Clayton Kershaw done or finished? Neither. Come on. I'm a Kershaw fan, even though I worked for the DVAC. Yeah, you're his best friend. Yeah, you know, I never count that guy out. He works too hard. I don't know. I mean, messing up your back sucks though. And I hope that he can get back.

All right, Dan Herron, it's always great to talk to you. This was fun. We appreciate you coming back on and good luck to the Dimebacks. Hopefully, see you in the World Series. All right, good talking, guys. Dan Herron was brought to you by MeUndies. I'm wearing MeUndies right now. Hank, you wearing MeUndies? Yep. Yeah, you are. Yep. You've definitely heard us talk about MeUndies. You know, the fun, comfy undies that feel as good as they look. So those of you who haven't tried them, listen up. You can get an incredible underwear sent to your door with MeUndies, meaning no more hunting around for the perfect pair at crowded store and eventually settling for good enough. MeUndies are made with sustainably sourced material from

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Okay, here he is, Randy Moss. And now for something completely different. All right, we now welcome on Randy Moss. He is our horse expert. You can see him on NBC Sports all weekend. He is going to be part of the Belmont Coverage Triple Crown. Let's start there. We'll get to the horses that we want to bet on. But am I wrong to not feel as much buzz about this because we had American Pharaoh not too long ago? You're probably right. You're probably right. I mean, when American Pharaoh won it in 2015, it had been done in 37 years. And, you know, I've said it before on the year, and I think I told you guys, I've been to Super Bowls, a friend of mine at work, and I've been to Olympic Games,

been to a lot of sports events. I've never heard a crowd reaction that long at that level. It was just unbelievable. I mean, you hear crowds that big, and you hear noise that loud, but not sustained for five straight minutes without fading. You know, it was incredible. And now this is just three years later, and I know some people are going to be kind of been there, done that, but it's still obviously one of the most difficult achievements in all sports. It's still, you know, a lot of history online, and it's still going to be big. Yeah. I mean, that's me talking on Thursday night. I think on Saturday, I will get the juices flowing and be excited for it. It's more just the fact that it, what it did, American Faro did feel so special because it had been so long,

but that's probably unfair to justify because he's undefeated. And by everything we've seen, he is every bit of a horse as American Faro. Is that fair to say? It's what Bob Afford thinks. And we'll find out because in the, in the pretense, he wasn't quite as good as he was in the Kentucky Derby. And normally when a horse regresses a little bit in the second leg of the triple crown, then they have to run three weeks later in the Belmont. It's not a good omen. If, if he can bounce back in the Belmont, is with as many races as he's had in a, in a short period of time, then he deserves to be mentioned in the same category as American Faro and a firm in Seattle, so we've got all the other triple crown winners. So the, as they say,

you know, cliche is the, the proof will be in the pudding. If he can pull this off on Saturday, so, uh, the, for people who aren't familiar, the Belmont is a long, long race. How does justify, you know, how does, how does his makeup work for a race that's going to be so long, the longest race, you know, of his life, the wrong longest race in the triple crown, if you, you can feel it too, when you watch it, how much longer it is than the Kentucky Derby in the pretense. Yeah, it's, it's makeup for, it's perfect. He's a big, long striding horse, that agree, says no problem. If this were a situation where he was well rested, then you would think a mile and a half would just be right in his wheelhouse, but not get out of the park. But the, the question

is how much gas does he have left in the tank, right? He, he began his career on February the 18th. He was the first horse and it's, it was, you know, it was all over the papers. The first horse in more than a century to win the Kentucky Derby, who didn't run at all as a two-year-old, started this campaign, started his career mid-February. So he had that maiden race, then he had an allowance race, and then he had a San Diego Derby in, in rapid fire order, and then he had to run good in the San Diego Derby to even get points to be in the Kentucky Derby. So he's had a lot of races sandwiched into a pretty short period of time, and it looked at the end of the prequeness, like energy level might be getting a little bit low. He really needed that

wire come up when it did in the prequeness. He was looking for the wire. Now he's got to bounce back and find more energy with only three weeks to recuperate from the prequeness, and now having to run a mile and a half. Okay. So how much he's got left in the tank? So everything you're saying leads me to believe you have a, you have a pick other than justify, and just, I was going to do justify and some exotics, but let's hear the horse that you like, you know, we'll do the exotics after if you want to bet justify, but let's hear, let's hear the horse you like or the horses you like to beat, justify, and steal this Belmont. I still think you should put justify in the exotics. He's a good horse. He's the best horse,

but given the circumstance and given the past history of the Belmont season and the way we've seen cleaners tackle it, I think the two best horses to be betting on in this Belmont are Hoffberg and Vino Rosso. Now here's why I say that 10 of the last 18 years, the Belmont has been won by horses that ran on Kentucky Erie weekend. Skip the prequeness and waited for the Belmont to be rested, to get that five week rest in between. Horses that ran on the prequeness and then came back in the Belmont are only won for 32 since in the last 12 years, and that was American Pharaoh. I mean, it pays nowadays to skip the prequeness and both those horses fit that profile. There are four horses, I think, in the race Saturday that ran the Derby, skip the prequeness,

but those two I think are the best. It's kind of a toss up between them, I like Hoffberg a little more than Vino Rosso, but yeah, those are two horses you definitely want to put in your exotic. And Hoffberg's getting a lot of buzz, so his odds will probably go down by the time the race starts. What give us the Randy Moss special? Give us the closer, the long shot that we can throw in those exotics to get that ticket price up there. So let's say we're going to throw maybe, you know, Hoffberg, justify, and then one other for a trifecta that could pay us some good money if a horse finishes strong league. All right, you want to bomber. Last year in Belmont Stakes, that scenario I just gave you, right? Derby, skip, prequeness, run Belmont. They ran one, two, three, four in

last year's Belmont Stakes. Okay, there's another horse in there that fits that profile. That's probably going to be 20 to one. His name is Freedrop Billy. He didn't seem to like the sloppy track in the Kentucky Derby at all. He finished third, moved up by disqualification before that in the Bluegrass Stakes, got in a lot of trouble on the stretch run. He's had excuses in a lot of his races, should be able to handle mile and a half without any problem. And I think he's got a good shot to be part of, let's say, the Superfecta at a big price. Ooh, I like that. Freedrop Billy. Okay, so, okay, so, so if we did the Hoffberg Vino Rosso, justifying Freedrop Billy, that's a nice little card. Any other horses that we should circle or take a look at on race day? How about tomorrow?

Okay, yeah. Oh, yes. Yes, please. Yeah, yeah, because we're on the air tomorrow too. We're on the air from five to six Eastern. And there's a race that I actually gave you guys a horse last year that won that race called Red Cardinal. It's a race called Belmont Gold Cup. It's two miles. You think the Belmont's a long race, it takes forever. I mean, this one is an ultra marathon, right? And there's a horse from Europe owned by the Queen, bred and owned by Her Majesty, the Queen of England. And the horse's name is Call to Mind, the M-I-N-D, Call to Mind, number one in the Belmont Gold Cup tomorrow. And I don't know what the price is going to be 3172, but there's another horse if you want to hook that one up in some exotics. Another horse that came

that is coming from Europe is like Call to Mind, and he'll be a big price. He'll be 15 to 1 probably. And his name is Prince of Arran, A-R-R-A-N, he's number three. So the one and three, Call to Mind, I like better. But Prince of Arran, when you look at his last three races, eight and eight. And I think that's why he's going to be a bigger, much bigger price, but don't let that fool you too much. He's a pretty nice horse. Okay, we're going to make some money on Friday. I like that. All right, last question. Gronkowski the horse, Gronkowski the tight end. Gronkowski the tight end, you said is going to be there on Saturday. Does Gronkowski the horse have any shot

whatsoever? Because you know people will bet on it because they love betting on horse names. It's funny. I did, I'm not going to mention any names, but I did another, I did a radio thing today in which the guy told me that he had just did an interview with Nick Zedo, the horse trainer on the Belmont before. And Nick Zedo told him that he loved Gronkowski during the Belmont. I can't, we talked to the trainer and he doesn't even know what to expect because the horse has never run in this country, has never run on dirt, hasn't run against tough competition. He's like he's been going up against class A pitching and now he's got to go against the Yankees. So you have no idea what to expect. Big, nice, good looking horse. I don't think he has much of

a chance. Okay. But we'll probably bet it because like I told you, I mean, I'm, I have a dumb brain. I listed all the horse names that like just go fast, ultimate lock, all those names, you know, you won't bet this. Don't, don't be, don't be a coward, bet this horse. Like all those names would work for me. All right. Well, do you have your outfit picked out? You ready to go? Nothing, don't repeat because people will be watching. You know, I did that before. Yeah. And that didn't end too well. Yeah. I got to hanging in my closet. I actually got a photograph of what I did on last year and I think I'm safe. I think I'm safe. Perfect. No clown suit this year. I think I'm ready. Perfect. All right. Check him out. Randy Moss. He is our good friend on NBC,

NBC sports. You can win that money on Friday and Saturday. Randy, thank you so much. But talk to you probably football season. Hey, yeah, I'm a recurring guest. Yes. You know, always, always. Thanks so much, Randy. I'll be ready. All right. Bye bye. That interview with Randy Moss was brought to you by the black tux black tux has a tons of fresh new complete looks and suit essentials for all your upcoming spring events and weddings, wedding season is upon us. You're going to be doing it big and going out for your buddy's weddings. When you're bringing a date, you want to look fresh, but it has to be convenient. That's where the black tux.com comes in. The black tux has awesome suits and tuxedos in all kinds of styles and you

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about how LeBron James is wearing their shorts right at the press conference when he got all mad and he stood up and it's like, Oh, yeah, he's wearing shorts. That's weird. And I think Hank said that he was wearing knickerbockers, right? Oh, the old classic shorts. How did how did we not figure out that LeBron's telling us all that he's going to the Knicks? I'll tell you how. Because it's Friday. And I am officially reporting LeBron James will not be going to the New York Knicks. Okay, boom, right back in his face. King of New York. So you're thinking that that was a big red herring. Yeah, exactly. We're designed to throw you off the trace. Yeah, I've gone poor. I'm basically we're playing Jenga with LeBron James free agency and I just keep taking the most risky

pieces. I've taken off the trailblazers in the Knicks. What's yours this week? What about what he dropped like 49 points in like 2000? He does. He does love the Mecca. He does. He loves the Mecca, but as a visitor, not as a home player. It's not a great place to be a father of three. No, so Knicks off the board. Who do you have this week? Okay, I'm going to go a little bit out on a limb too. I'm going to report that LeBron James will not be returning to the Miami Heat. Oh, that's a good one. Do you wait? Not taking a silence back to South Beach. It's not going to happen. Dwayne Wade's too busy getting his butthole cleaned out to be able to be a good running mate down there. Okay. All right. So Knicks and Heat off the board. Hank, what do you got? You

could also take the Celtics off the board too. Really? Shut up. Now that now that this Edelman stories come out, like the, the Boston sports media doesn't need a story to just talk about and hang on to for like a month because they have that woman's story. So you can officially take LeBron out of the cell that's running. That's the most Boston answer of all time, saying that the world's best athlete won't do something because the media in Boston is doing something else. Can't handle it. Can't handle it. Yeah. I did. I, there was a, was there not a rumor today about like, no, Stephen A Smith being like he'll, he would be interested in having a meeting because he, like he says about every team. Yeah. He's saying about every team, but

I do think it would be so funny. Just the aspect of him going to Boston and then Kyrie being second banana again, just like right away immediately. Like LeBron just keeps following Kyrie around and being like, this is my team. I just want to say for the record, Kyrie, if that happens, if LeBron James encroaches on your turf a second time and makes you second fiddle, open invite to join the New Zealand breakers of the ADL, the most up and coming team. Your homeland. Southern Hemisphere. Yeah. Your homeland. Yeah. Your homeland. Australia. Well, it's the same thing. It's the Australian League and it's the same thing. It was one and the same. It's like, it's like New York, New Jersey. It's like that situation. Exactly. Yes.

Yeah. New Zealander is just someone from Australia that married a sheep instead of a woman. Right. Exactly. All right. We have an, oh, you think before we get to roast, this comes from Mark Burnett, a reporter down in Alabama. He said, Nick Saban said he takes baths in the lake during the summer with ivory soap because it floats. He said, Miss Terry hates it. Miss Terry being his wife. That's a very Southern thing. You don't actually call any women by their name, just their name. You have to put a miss before. It's very, like, it's very proper that way. Or you just call them sweetie or sweet cheeks. That's a very Southern thing. I don't think sweet cheeks works. I think you got to call Miss Terry. You don't call her old Miss Terry.

That's a big mistake. You call her old Mrs. Terry, the old lady Terry. Yeah. Or you call her sweet tea. You, I like that. Can we do a quick explain it to the listeners who may not know in theory what ivory soap is? It's just soap bar. It's a brand of soap and it's a brand of soap called ivory that you can find at a convenience store like Irish spring. So why didn't she like it? I thought there was some type of like, I thought it was like an elephant soap. No, he's bathing. He thought it was poached elephants. That's, I mean, okay, I could see how you could, you could, you could land there. I mean, their mascot is an elephant, right? Yeah, it's true. I think she's upset that Nick Saban is bathing in the lake, which that's the issue here because if you bathe in a lake, you're,

you're immediately getting dirty again. But I kind of, I think I'm on Nick Saban's side here. Bathing in a lake is actually a lot of fun and you, I know you do get kind of dirty, but if you'd like, if you get out really fast, if you do like the Instagram video of a prospect, you know, some, some 350 pound Hawaiian who can jump out of a pool, clean out of a pool, if you do that move, then you actually are getting very clean. I'm surprised that Nick Saban doesn't have like Terry Bowden or another former SEC coach that he's made his intern, just like retrieving the soap that he drops to the bottom of the lake and bringing it back up to him for like every limb of his body. Oh, no, you just described what Butch Jones internship is. He actually has to

walk around with the soap on his wrist. And so he's, so it's attached to his wrist at all times and Nick Saban's like, yes, see it floats. It's like, no, it's actually attached to your intern's wrist soap floats. Isn't that the name of a movie? Sure. Yeah. Pretty sure it is soap floats. Sure. All right, Hank, you want to do Rose? Let's do it. All right. Gail the snail and Bill Ponderosa host their own sports version of Ira and the douche. Ira and the douche is a hot show, though. I mean, I would listen to Ira and the douche. Irony aside, that is a great way to wake up in the morning. Ira and the douche. People forget we actually did have a little Ira and the douche in us in the first episode

with all the sound effects. Uh oh, Hank's blowing the fart horn again. If you like listening to ad reads about the most random brands on the planet with some sports talk sprinkled in this podcast is for you. Excuse you. Not the most random ads in the planet built by chocolate milk, Lisa mattress, me on these. Don't forget to invest in rich uncles. It's cash app. Yeah. Cash apps. Great. Cash app is actually awesome. They're all awesome. So hang on your face, dude. We would have given you $5 from downloading the cash app, but now you won't get it unless you're a caps fan because BFT is going to send everyone $5 from the cash app. I think it's selfish that you keep guaranteeing that.

Meanwhile, you're stumbling on a windfall and you're not going to share it with anybody. We've been over this. We've been over this. When you're 100 feet buried in the ground, someone takes like one grain grain of sand off of off of your grave. You still got a lot to go. So I think it's just, it's sad. I think our listeners expected more from you. They're not mad. I've just got a lot of people saying that they're disappointed. No, they did not expect more from me. Please. They actually, they probably, this has exceeded expectations. The fact we even discussed me giving away any gambling winnings, knowing how little I win. I don't think it was never really discussed. It was mentioned on my end. I was trying to shame you into it, but the thing is you

can't shame a guy that has no ethics. Yeah. Well, no, you can't shame a guy who has a career, you know, minus 10 billion units in gambling. That's what you can't shame. Anonymous media personality who can do one impression in her large sun with permanent acid reflux, obsess over LeBron between erectile dysfunction ads produced by a TB12 Twitter avatar. Okay. Embrace the bait. I only did that for like 12 months. Yeah, you did. Yeah, you did only Yeah, for a while. Embrace the bait. We got a recipe for it. PFT is one impression. Is that an Australian accent or Mike Greenberg? Australian? You're forgetting about Canada. The worst accent ever. You're Canadian hockey GM. No, it's me. It's the Canadian general

manager of the Canucks now. We've got a number of tremendous talents coming up through the farm system. We're going to just ship them out of town though once they get good so the US can continue their tremendous trophy runs. Yeah. Yeah. So I think he's Mike Greenberg. He's talking about Mike Greenberg. Yeah, it's just all Mike Greenberg. I'm honestly shocked the fat one hasn't tried to milk one of the hippies for nipples. Oh, and the show was produced by some guy who has the boner ability of a 90 year old and the reading ability of a nine year old anemone anemone. What was that? Anemone. And what is the word? Anonyme. Anonymous. A-N-E-M-O-N-E. A-N-N-A. Wait, anime? A-N-E-M-O-N-E. You just got roasted by cowboy bebop, dude. Did that guy just

make up a word? Fuck you. It wouldn't be the first time. Wow. Fucking Objinn. Honestly, for the Objinn, as far as the Objinn thing is concerned, the person wrote the word in the middle of a sentence in all lowercase with no periods in between. Like, I don't know. I don't understand why people would expect me to know that. Give this one up, Hank. You fought. You fought. You fought. Hey, listen, you didn't die easy. Okay? You didn't die easy, but you died. I'm just telling you. This is the wrong bound to die on. Yeah. Second. No, it's not. You died from a yeast infection because you kept on going to the Objinn and not the OBGYN. Second to your rec basketball player and pansexual capital span, breakdown sports and pop culture while shaming their producer for having

ED, which she doesn't have. Between recurring Blake Bortles interviews, they managed to mark a Jeff Fisher more effectively than his actual agent. So did you write that one? No, I might have added one note somewhere in there. I mean, all that sounded awesome to me. Yeah. I'm a pansexual. Fuck yeah. Fuck everything, bro. I spend my days, you know, being the PR firm for Jeff Fisher. Oh, you think that's what, where's the shame spot, spot the shame? No shame. No shame in our game. They seem like they have sex, but never admitting it. That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said about me, but never admitting it bothers me like they are lying about everything. That's, listen, that's the best roast we've ever

gotten. They woke. That's the best roast we've ever got. They seem like they have sex. I'm gonna, I'm a level with you guys. I've had sex. Hand off. Oh, shit. Big of me to admit I have had sex. Wait. Okay. I made that way funnier in my mind than I thought. I thought he was saying that he, they seem like we have sex together. Oh, with each other. That's funny. I'm not going to lie. You would make a very, we'd make a very cute couple. That's funny. They're like, yeah, they seem like they have sex together, but they won't just come out and admit it and Hank just presses record. Yeah. A top heavy nincompoop and a can of soup with a ponytail make jokes about their producer having erectile dysfunction that are actually giving him erectile dysfunction.

No, they are not. Yeah. You think about it too much. That's definitely true. We're not in your head. That, uh, that might have been the meanest one I've heard about PFT calling you a can of soup. No, the ponytail is the worst part, but you have been wearing that capture a lot. You're looking like a nice can of tomato soup. I want to, I want to address the allegations about my tits popping out in this, uh, capture the washer and dryer shrunk it in my apartment complex. It was a bad, it was a bad washer. I'm not going to use that again. I'm going to go to a different building because it's got to be the washer and dryer, not only shrunk it, but your washer and dryer is so big that it takes up all the floor space. So you haven't been able to do any push-ups in the last

two years. Right. And it's so expensive. I can't buy anything except for fast food. Yeah, exactly. So it's that fucking washer, man. We'll end it with this last question that was prompted by, uh, the Discord Twitter handle earlier today. Speaking of soup, when does a cup become a bowl? Oh, when the handle's gone. No, I've had a cup without a handle before. I've got, I mean, right, but I've got, I've got beat cups right now, but I do have love handles. Yeah. No, I think it's when you take the handle off because those are, I know what you're talking about, the little, like I've, the, what about solo cups? I guess in a restaurant, they give you those little cups. Is a solo cup a bowl? Is that what you're saying? Well, a cup can also become a glass without a

handle. I think what it is. It's not necessarily a bowl. Okay. I'm, I'm, I'm doing my answer over. I think it's when it's, when it's wider than it is long. When it becomes a chode, when it's a chode, it's a bowl. I would say it becomes a bowl when you smoke weed out of it. So like an apple can be a bowl. Yeah. A can of Coke can be a bowl. Ever make a bowl out of a snorkel if we're doing lines from half-bake? Ever make a bowl out of an aquarium, a vacuum cleaner, and a blowtorch? How many of our listeners do you think have watched half-bake that might depress me? We should do that. I've actually, I've thought about that before about like movies that we grew up watching that maybe might skew a little bit outside our demo. We could just, just take all the funny

jokes from those movies and just pretend like we're inventing them. People will think that we're way funnier than we are. Yeah. Life is. We did invent the gentleman's sweep. Yeah, that's true. We did. We invented the phrase gentleman's sweep. My goal is to stop that. Um, all right. Well, that's our show. We'll see everyone on Monday. And as I always say, life is like a box of chocolates. And as I always say, stupid is a stupid does. Love you guys. Today's another day to find you, shine away. I'll be coming for your lover. Let's say it's part of my take presented by bar stool sports.