Pardon My Take - Todd McShay and Mel Kiper Talking NFL Draft
Episode Date: April 24, 2019We're a day away from the NFL Draft and it's officially smoke screen season. (2:15-5:14) Seahawks/Chiefs pre draft trade. (5:15-9:19) NBA and NHL Playoffs and is PFT getting cocky about the Caps? (9:2...0-16:19) Hot Seat Cool Throne including Drake Curse picking up new bodies and OBJ being happy in Cleveland. (16:20-28:17) Todd McShay and Mel Kiper join the show to talk about the 2019 NFL Draft, which quarterbacks they like, the worst picks theyve ever made, what their relationship is like, and Mel's obsession with eating Pumpkin Pie every single day. (31:21-1:07:38) Segments include Take Quake is lifting bad for you?(1:09:32-1:11:24) Trouble in Paradise Jake Arietta/Bryce Harper, (11:25-1:13:30) Bad Visual Bucks fans chanting after their first round sweep, (1:13:31-1:16:31) PR 101 for Von Miller (1:16:32-1:18:21) and Guys on Chicks (1:18:22-1:25:37)You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake
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Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify,
or YouTube.
Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music.
On today's pardon my take, we have Mel Kuiper and Todd McShay, a combo interview, insane
to get a little peek into their relationship.
We got some draft nuggets from them, but we more than anything, we got to see like an
unfiltered Todd McShay, Mel Kuiper, chirped back and forth with each other.
It was one of those interviews, it was tough to wrangle in, but a very good time, and they
also told us, we also had Stephen Chay, our draft guru, ask them some draft questions.
So you will be ready for the draft on Thursday night.
We have some hockey talks, some NFL trade talk, hot seat, cool throne, guys on chicks,
and a take quick, a pack show for you.
Before we get to all that, part of my take is sponsored by Cash App, and guess what?
The new Cash App ad is an ad lib.
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You guys are all looking great.
The boys are looking great, they're feeling great, because we got the Cash App and we
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It's a Wednesday, it's nothing better than the NFL draft, NFL season is about to start,
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And then there's lots of work to be done, no place to hang alone washing, and then I
can't blame all on the sun, oh no, we're gonna rock down to electric high venue, and then
we'll take it higher, oh we're gonna rock down to electric high venue, and then we'll take
it higher.
Welcome to part of my take presented by the Cash App, today is Wednesday, April 24th,
it's draft week, we're feeling it, there's smoke screens everywhere, trust no one, Dwayne
Haskins might go to the Bengals now, Kyler Murray might not be the first pick in the
draft, there's all kinds of shit going on, but it's draft week PFT, and I'm excited.
That can only mean one thing, and that NFL is back finally, for like the third time this
off season, the first time the NFL was back was a combine, second time the NFL was back
was when the AAF folded, and now it's back for the third time officially, I'm super
excited about the draft, I love the draft, the only problem is, it kind of sucks living
in a world where we've already peaked as an NFL draft, knowing that we'll never have
another Laramie Tunsel gas mask video, like that is the peak of NFL draft, I don't think
it'll ever get any better than that, but I'm still excited nonetheless, I think Haskins
is going to end up as a red skinned, that's what I'm planning my flag and saying, Kyler
Murray is going to be number one, all this wonderlic stuff, it's Albert Breer season
is what it is, Albert Breer came in hot today with a list of concerns about getting Kyler
Murray on the grease board, as they call it, saying that he's not smart enough to pick
things up, he doesn't have a high IQ probably because he's only 5'9", but I'm not buying
it, I think that Kyler Murray is going to be Cardinal.
Okay, I mean everyone says 99.9% chance, here's the only thing I'll throw out there, it feels
like one of those situations where everything is set up for Kyler Murray to be a Cardinal,
we've heard about it nonstop for the last three months, Cliff Kingsbury is supposed
to be the coach to unlock Kyler Murray, all this stuff, the only thing that I would say
that could throw a wrench into the whole plans is the Cardinals owner walks into the door
on Wednesday or Thursday or whatever their pre-draft meeting is and he's like, wait,
so we're going to trade Josh Rosen, pay some of that dead money and then draft another
quarterback and pay him and then the rest of the team doesn't get better at all.
So I'm just wondering if maybe at the last second the owners like, hey guys, you guys
are fucking stupid, you can't just get a mulligan right away on this pick, why don't
you trade, get more picks, get a better team, look, it's probably going to be Kyler Murray,
but I'm just throwing this out there as kind of a hypothetical what could happen in its
place.
If you put a gun to my head, I'm saying Kyler Murray, I'm just kind of playing devil's advocate
here.
I think you said Dwayne Haskins to the Redskins, I think Dwayne Haskins is going to be a Cincinnati
Bengal and Daniel Jones because he's 6'2", 220 and White will end up going all the way
up the draft.
Maybe even the Giants will be like, hey, let's just get this guy because David Cutcliffe
and we can keep him in check and Eli can be the quarterback for the next six years.
Did you see though, there was a quote from an anonymous GM, he called Daniel Jones,
he called him Eli Manning with a little less pizzazz.
So basically Brandon Whedon on Ketamine is what you're looking at with the Daniel Jones.
I could see him being, that's an ultimate Gettelman pick right there, so I could see
him falling in love.
I could see John Elway falling in love with him too, he's perfect for him.
Back to your point though about the Cardinals, your analysis is absolutely correct big cat
that a smart owner would absolutely walk through the door and say, hey, why are we doing this?
We're talking about the Cardinals here, it's like we're not, it's like trying to analyze
how a two year old would build a model airplane.
So I don't really, I don't think that they're thinking that far in advance, the owner of
the Cardinals is just like, I've got Cliff Kingsbury because he's good looking and now
I'm just giving him the keys to the franchise.
Yes.
So the other news we had the NFL, Frank Clark gets traded from the Seahawks to the Chiefs.
I love this move for both sides because the Chiefs are now all in, I mean they kind of
already were, you know, after last year being a play, being a D Ford off sides away from
going to the Super Bowl.
So Chiefs are all in and the Seahawks did a sneaky thing here where they're getting more
picks and they're like, hey, we just paid Russell Wilson way too much money, not way
too much money because it is Russell Wilson, but a lot of money and we got to be smart
everything else and to see it like this is how smart organizations do it.
Like, hey, we paid the quarterback a lot.
Why don't we instead of paying other guys a lot, just get a shitload of young talent
and pay them a little and be good and be the Seahawks again.
Yeah.
No, I think it worked out really well for the Seahawks for the Chiefs.
I guess it did work out well for them, but it's like, it seems to me that in the last
12 months, not 12 months, probably like eight, nine months, the Chiefs have been going out
of their way to make me try to not like them.
They're just like collecting a bunch of questionable dudes that have very shady paths and continue
getting trouble, that sort of thing.
I want to love the Chiefs.
I want to love the Chiefs.
I really do.
I love Andy.
Here's how I compartmentalize the Chiefs.
I look at a guy like Frank Clark, I look at Tyreek Hill and then I just stare at Andy
Reid for 30 seconds and I feel good again.
And you remember how quickly they cut Kareem Hunt and that was very noble and Justin clearly
they have morals.
Yes, absolutely.
That was very just and not at all because the evidence was planted by John Dorsey up
in Cleveland.
Yes.
So we had that, the Frank Clark story, somehow Patrick Peterson was traded to the Chiefs for
a few minutes on Tuesday and Tony O'Brien, I don't know where you came from, former Bucks
wide receiver.
He just popped up and started being a NFL insider out of nowhere.
I love when, if you played in the NFL, if you played for more than a year in the NFL,
you get one shot to just tweet out like this breaking news.
And if you're wrong, you're a joke forever for that.
But if you're right, you can basically make a career off it.
He took a shot.
I don't, I will not judge someone taking their shot.
It just turns out he was very, very wrong.
Well shout out Antonio Brotton.
He is an award winning listener part of my take.
He was actually the one who was rooting the most for Hank to get the cat.
So it's like we got him and we got Rob Lowe.
We're collecting all of the celebrities that just like to throw out their ideas for destinations
for star players.
I do want, I had an idea today.
So I was reading up on some of this Nick Bosa stuff with his tweets, how he's saying that
he's going to dial back his tweets so that he can play in San Francisco if he gets drafted
there.
I've got an idea because another guy that's been a little bit too quiet is Josh Allen,
Josh Allen 2.0, the new Josh Allen.
He should cook the shit out of Nick Bosa and just become a hardcore MAGA guy in the next
like two days and just like tweet out like build that wall, all that stuff and just kind
of tempt Nick Bosa and be like, Nick, you won't, you won't, you won't, you won't go
hard on this.
I think that Josh needs to make some noise.
Tag him in every single tweet and just see if he'll, if he'll bite because I feel like
Nick Bosa, if there's two things I know about the bosses, they'll bite on something on social
media like that and they'll get injured at basically every point during the season and
miss a bunch of games.
Yeah.
Mostly the injury stuff or Nick could go the other way and just go like hardcore Antifa.
Just put a rose in your Twitter profile, go like hard left.
Here you go.
You can bring back the gas mask, but this time it's an Antifa gas mask and you're occupying
Wall Street.
Yes.
That's perfect.
All right.
So we're going to get to more NFL draft talk with Todd McShane, Mel Kuiper in a second.
Before we do that, let's quickly, uh, there's some NBA games tonight, PFTs at pup punk.
He's got a concert.
So we're going to miss the NBA games.
I think our magic are done.
I'm going to say it right now.
I think our magic are done.
It was sad to see.
Good run.
Yeah.
Griffin go out of the playoffs.
Even though shout out Blake Griffin, heart of the year award, unbelievable.
Like he was playing on one leg and just trying to stop Yanis from dunking all over everyone.
That was a very quick series.
Go ahead.
Hank.
Yeah.
So I don't know if you saw, but after the game, after his final press conference, he
went up and shook every media member's hand on his way out.
What a class act.
What a classy guy.
What a classy guy.
He's running for Blake of the Year.
Yeah.
He also got caught.
He got caught, uh, Channing refs you suck, which was awesome.
That was like, that was the most relatable thing ever because I love, like, it's not
an attack.
It's not like, you know, overly antagonistic.
It's not like Russell Westbrook trying to fight a ref or fight a fan or anything.
He's just going along with the chant.
Sometimes it gets caught in your head.
It's like a song getting caught in your hand.
The head.
Sometimes it's refs you suck.
He wins the, uh, Antonio Freeman.
He put the team on his back though on one leg award for this postseason.
That was, that was a cool performance and he had like 27 minutes, 22 points, something
like that.
Uh, yeah, it was nice to watch even though they got their shit pushed in as a team.
Um, but I think the box, their wagon, they're going to roll through the Celtics.
We'll get to that later.
By the way, uh, little correction there.
So people don't correct PFT on Twitter.
You're talking about Greg Jennings put team on his back.
Greg Jennings put the team on his back though.
Yeah.
He's not correct me on Twitter.
I hate being corrected on Twitter.
There will be a lot of people who will stop it.
The podcast right after you said that tweet at you, then come back and realize we have
already corrected the mistake.
So make sure now I want you to stop the podcast again and tweet at me.
I'm sorry.
And say, thank you big cat for correct for cleaning up PFT's mistake.
Okay.
Yes, absolutely.
Let's talk a little hockey before we talk about the caps.
The Bruins are playing in a game seven.
We don't know the results.
So we're going to get a reaction from Hank both ways.
Hank, the Bruins, one game seven, Boston sweep is still on Hank.
The East is wide open.
Hank, the capital is lost.
The Bruins lost game seven.
You know, it's tough.
You can't win every championship every year.
Like, you know, we had that.
We had the bread socks.
We had the Patriots.
Like three out of four is not bad.
What can you do?
Okay.
That was, that was Bruins talk with Hank, um, PFT, the capitals.
I have a question for you.
Who know I'm not worried who is, no, that's not the question.
Who's more to blame for the capitals going to seven games against the Carolina Hurricanes?
One bad boy, Ovechkin getting kicked out of the game, slashing guys, beating up teenagers
or two cocky PFT who has been making plans all over the office for every single round
after this one in the capitals playoffs, three, the refs, three, the refs.
It's not Ovechkin because the things that you mentioned, the slashing, the getting kicked
out, that was in the last like three seconds of the game.
So I'm going to go out on a limb and saying that, uh, the, the plus minus after Ovechkin
got kicked out of the game being zero, uh, leads me to believe that it wasn't his fault.
I will say the refs as I predicted, you guys were probably all over me being like, Oh,
PFT.
Oh, you're making plans to go to Toronto, Oh, PFT, you're making plans to go out to
Las Vegas again.
Uh, well, guess what?
That's what champions do.
Okay.
I'm a champion.
Big one.
Hank knows about it.
I'm allowed to look past the Carolina Hurricanes.
Listen, this is the district of champions right now.
We don't, I don't get out of bed for first round playoff hockey series anymore.
I'm going full on mass hole.
Uh, this is, this is my championship team that I'm dealing with here.
Okay.
So, uh, it's not my fault.
I predicted caps in two, as I said on the last show, it's a three game series and it's
still a chance for caps in two because the refs took game six.
So the caps are one and O from game five on.
I'm very confident the Carolina tropical storms are about to be in deep depression and I'm
not worried at all.
Okay.
You answer my question.
Cocky PFT is the worst.
And yes, absolutely.
Absolutely.
You came up, you, you came up to me and you're like, Hey, Thursday, we might have to go
to DC for game one against Islanders.
And I was like, don't, isn't there game six tonight?
And you're like, well, yeah, whatever, and then you see what happens.
Here's what's happening right now in my, in my tiny little P brain, I'm trying to rationalize
my deepest fear of the caps losing the first round through overconfidence.
And I'm not like Hank.
I'm not a Boston mass all sports fan.
I'm not used to championships.
I have one and I really enjoyed that one.
And I would very much like another and I'm rooting very hard for the team and I am worried.
I'm very worried about what can happen in game seven.
As we heard from Kevin Millar, game seven, anything can happen.
That was kind of a team of destiny to get out of that goal last night for the hurricane.
Yeah.
It's, it, this is good.
We're stripping it down.
This is a psycho, you know, analyst analysis of PFT here.
The cocky PFT was a charade.
It was a Coda armor.
We taken it away.
You're worried.
That's okay.
That's a normal feeling to have.
And game seven on Wednesday night will define whether the caps are a dynasty in the making
or just a blip on the radar, radar, a one year whoops.
What happened in that year?
No one even remembers the capitals won the cup.
Yeah.
Because everybody got too drunk afterwards.
The whole team was, was hung over for an entire summer.
So they wouldn't remember that, but I, I'm cautiously optimistic.
As I said, I am worried, but there's reason to believe number one, that, that entire goal
being taken off, off the, well, I guess it wasn't taken off the boards because they never
awarded it, but it was very clearly a goal that should have counted.
The fact that it didn't, I think we'll fire the team up a little bit.
That's, that was the turning point of the game.
No question about it.
And the fact that we beat them six, nothing last time we were in our barn, the legendary
MCI center, that gives me reason to believe too.
And I just want to say, we haven't really discussed stadium montages this post season
that much, as any long time listener would know, I'm a huge fan of the time lapse stadium
montage when they're changing it from hockey to basketball back to hockey.
It's cool.
It's like, wait, I, wait, I thought that was a hockey arena.
Oh my God, there's wood now.
I really enjoy it.
I'm pissed off.
That's the thing I'm most pissed off.
I think at the wizards for is, is just the fact that they haven't given me any good stadium
montages in the last like four or five years, they've been so shitty as a team that I haven't
even gotten that one little bit of joy out of them.
So it's stadium montage, the handshake line, any, no matter what happens, game seven, we're
getting a handshake line.
So there's that to look forward to.
That's true.
That's true.
All right.
The Bruins and the Celtics are both in the second round too.
So we'll still get one of those.
Well, unless the, no.
Oh, that's good.
Yes.
Wednesday.
What happens if the, no.
Okay.
Hank, why don't you do hot seat, cool throne, start us off.
My hot seat is Adderall.
So a new, a new study came out, hold on, let me pull up my notes because my computer is
about to explode.
The FDA has approved a new medical device to help treat ADHD children.
You'll like this big cat.
It's basically shock therapy for seven year olds.
So instead of like getting kids diagnosed early, children wear a small adhesive patch
while they sleep and it delivers a low level electrical pulse to parts of the brain responsible
for ADHD symptoms.
That doesn't sound right.
So yeah.
Adderalls in the hot seat.
Kids are just going to start going to sleep with shock therapy every night from eight
to 12.
I'm sure those kids will grow up some day.
Well, I'm sure those kids will someday grow up and be like, yeah, I love sleeping where
I just go and get electrocuted all night long.
That will be great.
Maybe Hank, this is just a genius thing to keep kids up all night.
Then when they wake up, they didn't sleep at all.
So they're tired all day.
So they don't have ADHD and they're not running around crazy.
That would make sense.
Literally just sleep deprivation for your child.
I like that a lot.
You could just do it the old fashioned way and just walk into your kid's crib like once
every like couple hours and just poke them like real quick with a safety pin and walk
back to your bed.
Same deal.
That's what they used to do back in the olden times.
It's true.
My cool throne is Duke.
Number one recruiting class.
They got Vernon, Kerry, Junior and everyone likes to root against the white guy that's
a high recruited Duke, Matthew Hurt is the guy.
Have you seen pictures of this kid?
So would you say that you're going to put a cat on it?
No.
I mean, I didn't put a cat on anything last year.
You guys put a cat on me.
So I've never risked a cat.
I don't plan on risking a cat.
But Duke's back.
It's good.
Also the Drake curse is back.
I don't know if you guys saw this, but Adele reports came out that Adele and Drake had a
nice dinner.
They went to a little vape shop, which I guess is Hookah.
And then like two days later, it was reported that Adele and her husband are breaking up.
It's perfect.
He literally just walking around cursing everyone.
He's a witch.
I love it.
At this point, he's got to be worried about it.
No, if you're if you're on a heater like Drake, you got to start using this for good.
You got you got to start like attending games with teams that you hate.
You got to hang out with couples you don't like.
You got to win your hot.
You're hot.
Also his record for like most streams in a week was broken by Old Town Road.
Oh, shit.
Do you think Drake doesn't have any mirrors in his house because if he looks at himself,
he cursed himself?
Yeah, definitely.
I mean, have you seen how he dressed?
Yeah, he truly is a witch.
All right.
PFT.
Go with hot seat.
Cool.
Drone.
Okay.
My hot seat is Thanos.
So we're big Avengers guys on this show.
We've seen between the three of us, I think precisely zero of the movies.
Is that is that a factual statement?
I saw the last one.
I've seen zero.
I also saw Iron Man one like 10 years ago.
Oh, wow.
Good for you.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I saw Iron Man one.
Well, I guess Thanos like killed half the world or whatever.
Most of the Avengers have a lot of avenging to do, but they're going to take Thanos out.
That's all I can tell you right now, either Ant-Man is going to crawl up in his butt and
expand like we said on the show, or he's going to get defeated using logic and reason
by fact checking super reporter Clark Kent.
Those are my two predictions for the end of the Avengers, but everybody's extremely
excited about it.
I wish I could get into it.
It's just one of those things that they're like 20 movies that you have to see to get
caught up for the end.
So I'm never going to get around to that.
So I'm just going to say Thanos, not a fan.
I'm an ant.
We're an anti Thanos podcast.
I also am just stuck waiting for another Christopher Nolan Batman, even though I know that's not
possible and he's not going to do one.
I'm just like, Hey, I'll get back into these movies as soon as we get another Christopher
Nolan Batman.
Yeah, same.
I'm right there with you.
My other hot seat is bloggers bloggers are firmly on the hot seat because Chris Long has
decided to start blogging about Game of Thrones, taking jobs away from nerds.
So Chris, as a jock, as a fellow jock, let me tell you jock to jock what you're doing.
You're going to face some backlash.
You're going to face some backlash from the nerd community because you're stealing jobs
from us.
I don't like it.
At least wait till you're retired.
I don't know a lot about a lot, but I'm pretty sure that the people in Game of Thrones, they
would go to the White House if they were invited by Donald Trump and he probably invited everybody
because many great people on both sides.
I love this move because Chris is going to blog about Game of Thrones and I don't think
he's ready for the world to hurt he's going to be in because the one thing I've learned
from watching Game of Thrones and watching the first two episodes, people are passionate
about Game of Thrones.
Very, very passionate.
And guess what?
The other part that they don't give a fuck about anyone's opinion, for the most part.
There's like a couple people that are Thrones experts and then everyone else.
That's why I'm just going to stick to making like Tormund as Jim Harbaugh jokes and all
my and like all of our Thrones analysis is going to be stupid jokes about dickless dudes
not being able to fuck because Game of Thrones people, if you fuck up a theory, if you fuck
up like some kind of plot line, they will be down your ass in a second and I'm not I'm
not trying to get in that world.
You're absolutely right.
And so Chris, consider yourself warned.
This is a warning shot to you, buddy.
Just watch it.
Watch where you're stepping.
My cool throne is Quinn Snyder's hair.
Have you seen it?
Yes.
It is looking.
It is looking great.
He's being reminded of Quinn Snyder's hair.
It's like he looks like Vince Vaughn if Vince Vaughn was like wearing a wire against his
own coke dealer.
He's like super sweaty, always nervous acting on the sideline.
My other cool throne is exclusive VIP experiences and member perks and benefits that go along
with having a next generation black card concierge service.
So Bubba found a brand new service online.
Didn't even know this existed.
First of its kind, it's a black card that you can get and they can upload your debit
card to it.
It's like titanium.
It's like really strong.
And then it unlocks like 600,000 partner locations for benefits.
It's got a membership community that provides access to exclusive VIP cocktails, happy hours,
networking events.
It's just filled with lifestyle brands, retailers, experiences and more.
I'm really excited about first of its kind in the U.S. and I'm signing up for it.
So pretty pumped and it's a New York City exclusive thing.
Again, has never been done.
I'm really excited.
It sounds like a home run.
All right.
I'm ready for it too.
I mean, it's like the first time's a failure and then you build on it and you learn from
your mistakes.
I mean, someone is going to do another fire fest and it's going to be fucking awesome.
So I'm ready for all this.
All Billy McFarlane's terrible ideas to come back, revamped and I'll buy into every single
one of them.
And the card is sweet too.
That's the biggest part.
It's only 300 bucks a year and you get a cool card that makes a big noise if you drop it
on table.
Yeah, it's black and it's black and I am a big believer obviously in lightning never
strikes twice.
So if one idea is a fraud and then they just do the same exact idea like five years later,
what are the chances also going to be a fraud?
Zero.
Stop using the fraud word.
It's false advertising.
Not a fraud.
All right.
My hot seat is you PFT.
I have something I want to play for you.
You ready?
When PFT dies, make a sign so it says Christian Yellich, home run king and then it's him
eating my ass.
That's what you should do.
The cartoon there.
People forget we do have that bet.
Yeah.
We're talking about that this weekend.
Remember that?
That must be confusing if people don't know.
We made a bet with Christian Yellich over the All-Star break that if you ever win the
All-Star, we need the home run derby that me and Big Cat will eat each other's ass.
We need to get something out of that bet.
We need to get things.
Wait.
Wait.
First of all.
That's tough.
First of all, wouldn't, yeah, I guess that would make your, that would mean your seat
would be hot because my tongue would be up it.
Yes, but you have been, you have long declared that you have no part in the ass eating part
of it except for a crow, but that is verbal confirmation that the bet is that we eat each
other asses.
I'm sorry.
Listen, PFT, here's what's good.
Okay.
A little spin zone.
You and I are now in this together.
We don't have to fight each other.
We're in this together.
We're going to have Christian Yellich on.
I think in a couple of days, we will figure out a way out of this, but just welcome to
the fucking terror dome, bro.
You got to eat my ass if he wins the home run derby.
All that tape proved is that you're gaslighting me.
That's what you've been doing for the last year.
You've been gaslighting me that I'm in on this bet.
When I, I mean, I am kind of in on it, but I'm not in on the eating your ass part.
Oh, yes, you are.
I mean, on the eating the crow's butt part.
Oh, yes, you are.
And you managed to gaslight America into thinking that I somehow accepted this when I only accepted
the fact that I would eat a crow's butt hole.
Oh, wait, do you, oh, do you need me to play that again for you?
Cause I feel like you're,
No, that was me being gaslight even though, oh, no, that tape, that tape was proof that
I had been gaslit.
That's interesting.
That's interesting.
Okay.
So welcome, welcome to the party.
You are, you have justice.
You actually have more at stake cause you have to eat a crow's ass and my ass.
That sucks.
I just had to eat your ass.
So no, I eat the crow's ass to get your ass taste out of my mouth.
Okay.
There you go.
Like a little palate cleanser.
So welcome, welcome though, cause I know I saw your face drop there and that was a beautiful
moment to watch your face drop when you realized that you were just as much in this bed as
I am.
When you've got people going back and like reviewing every interview that we've done,
trying to find one example where I might have said, why, why that person was listening
to the week 13 part of my take.
I have no idea, but I happy that he did because he tweeted at me and he said, PFT acknowledged
the bet week 13.
Boom.
There we go.
Just cause I acknowledge it doesn't mean I said in the first place, whatever you're
pulling.
Yeah.
You acknowledge it.
All right.
Cool throne.
Uh, two cool thrones for me.
One is bears kickers because Robbie gold, I think is demanding.
I think he's essentially demanding that he will quit football if he doesn't get to be
a bear again.
So I'm ready for that.
He is, uh, he's demanded a trade kickers demanding trades very often done, but I'm all for it
when it helps the bears, especially with how bad they, the bears have three kickers
right now on their roster.
They're just basically going to bring everyone in until we somehow get Robbie gold back in
Chicago.
My other cool throne is Odell Beckham, Jr. because he wants everyone to listen.
He's totally happy in Cleveland.
He's so happy that he keeps tweeting about how happy he is.
This is not a situation where he's not happy.
He's very happy.
He said, listen, PSA, I'm having one of the best days of my life.
I've got some of the greatest news.
So don't play with me because I'm shooting back for all the haters out there that want
a response today is the day, my friend, and he went on to say how happy he was in Cleveland.
Um, so yeah, he's happy.
Don't even, don't even ask if he's not happy.
Him and Antonio Brown are both just little peas in a pod, just happy as clams.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Um, he was asking for places to eat.
I saw that you very helpfully pointed him towards the nearest Cleveland Cavaliers victory
parade so that you can get some nice horseshit.
Yes.
Yeah.
I think that's kind of a theme for you is just reminding people about, uh, this week,
that's kind of cool.
Yeah.
You should just ask Bob Wiley.
Bob Wiley has a heat map of the cheesiest pizza restaurants in Cleveland.
I'm sure.
Yes, absolutely.
But yeah, Odell Beckham.
He also like they, the giants or something, maybe it was Eli Manning tweeted out a video
of Eli Manning practicing with, uh, Giants receivers and being like, Ooh, look at Eli.
He's looking good.
He, by the way, he was looking great because the key to Eli Manning being a good quarterback
is having no pass rush and no defense whatsoever.
If you do that, I think he went like nine for a 12 or something.
I was watching the tape, but, uh, Odell Beckham is probably just happy.
He's away from Eli Manning.
Like he truly actually is happy that he doesn't have to play with Eli Manning anymore.
Yeah.
Eli Manning with a little less pizzazz.
If you just say that phrase to Odell Beckham, he turns to stone.
That's how bored that he gets.
Yes.
Um, okay.
I'm going to do a Tom McShay and Mel Kuiper, where we talk about NFL draft and their relationship
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Okay, here they are, Todd McShay and Mel Kuiper.
Okay, we now welcome on two very special guests.
They are the draft gurus for ESPN.
They have a podcast called First Draft.
Go listen to it.
They have all the info you need for the draft coming up on Thursday night.
It is Mel Kuiper.
It is Todd McShay.
I want to start with an easy one, guys.
Do you sleep this week?
What does it look like this week?
Are you just wall-to-wall draft coverage?
Go ahead, Mel.
Yeah, basically.
I can't speak for Todd, but now you have calls you have to make as well.
You got to in between all the different stuff you're preparing for ESPN.com and obviously
getting ready for the draft and finalizing grades and doing all that.
You have calls to make to your friends in the NFL and obviously friends that used to
be in the NFL.
Anybody that has information that you can gather and put together and work in conjunction
with what you've heard.
So you need time for all that, but now sleep-wise, I'd say, Todd, I'll say I usually get the
bed around one, two, and up some at five, six.
You know, Mel's earned it.
I'll give it to him.
But he also stays at the Kuiper compound.
He's like the cozy home.
Oh, yeah.
His wife there.
Friendly compound.
Homemade meals and all that stuff.
Oh, yeah.
I'm back down here last night, Bristol today, tomorrow, all the shows, and then fly into
Nashville where he's just chilling and everything's good.
I'm going over to see Buzz Brightard, the highway.
Yeah, there you are.
Over at Margaritaville, the Mar.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, you guys are in your studio right now in Bristol.
We're here in New York, so this isn't face-to-face, so we're losing that personal touch.
So I thought I'd just give you an opportunity to set the scene a little bit, Todd.
Can you describe to us in detail how Mel's hair is looking right now?
He's in a different studio right now.
But let me tell you this.
I have stood with him on Fifth Avenue, walking out of the hotel, going over to, where was
the draft that year, Mel, the early years?
That was that Radio City, wasn't it?
Yeah, Radio City.
And it was a windstorm.
You guys know it's like the wind tunnels on Fifth Avenue and all those avenues.
I've got my ties sideways, rain's coming down, I'm a mess.
Everything's falling all over the place.
I looked over and Kuiper's hair hasn't moved an inch.
Yep.
Consistency.
Yes.
It will not move and it's the proper product, as they say.
Although you kind of chilled on the product a little bit, Kuiper.
A little bit.
Still use the gel and still the hair sprang up, but no, it hasn't moved.
It doesn't move and that's part of the equation.
I don't want to be worrying about hair.
That's the last thing.
That's the last thing I've ever worried about people is that hair, hair, hair.
First of all, I don't have as Todd can tell you, there's not a lot left.
It's eroded.
It's eroded to hardly zero.
Have you guys seen the old five-year-old pictures?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
He used to have his own hair.
It's real.
Want to be entertained?
Look at those, right?
Yes.
All right.
Let's get into the draft.
I want to start with a question that I always find very interesting for the draft coming
up on Thursday.
I'll start with you, Todd.
How do you compare this draft to last year's draft and maybe the last three years draft
because I'm always interested like if Dwayne Haskins was last year, where would he be overall?
How does this draft stack up against the last couple drafts we've had?
The top four quarterbacks last year, I mean, it was record setting.
We kind of knew it at the time and I remember, you know, after they go in the top 10 and
three of the four teams traded up and Cleveland was sitting at one, they couldn't trade up.
They took Baker Mayfield there.
So we knew that these quarterbacks were going to come off the board last year.
They deserved to.
The grades are better.
Josh Rosen was kind of the most interesting one because of the durability issues and he's
just a different cat.
But I still think he's slightly, in terms of my grades, I've got him rated a little bit
higher than the quarterbacks in this class.
This year is going to be crazy because Kyler Murray could go one.
Just like Mel keeps saying 99.9, I'm not sure how you quantify that, but there's a very
strong possibility that Arizona takes Kyler at one.
But where does Dwayne Haskins go?
Drew Locke has a lot of different opinions on him.
Some guys love Daniel Jones like Kuiper and some guys like me think he's a career backup.
So it's not nearly as good in terms of the quarterbacks this year.
The running backs aren't as good.
The wide receivers aren't as good.
But I think the depth is better when you start to get to day two and the defensive line and
defense and just in general is awesome.
Okay.
So going off that, the quarterbacks, I'll kick it to you Mel.
I'm curious how the New Age NFL, it seems like every team's like, all right, we've got
to get a young quarterback.
We've got to have him pay his rookie salary and build around him.
You see it with LA, what they've been doing, Chicago, all these teams say get the young
quarterback, pay him a little bit, get him on his rookie deal and you can build around
it.
Does that now make it so that teams will maybe push up for quarterbacks that three, four,
five years ago might not have been first rounders?
Like, is there a team that's saying, hey, we know Daniel Jones isn't a bona fide first
rounder, but if we can get the young quarterback who can be averaged, we can build the rest
of the team.
I guess you could argue that point, although like we call them plateau quarterbacks, Andy
Dalton being one of those, that everything around that quarterback better be spectacular
or they still may not get you where you want to go.
I think the money you can cut the cord quicker than you could prior years when we go back
to the contracts of some of the top quarterbacks were enormous.
They're not now, but I think this year is a different year.
Every year is different.
Next year, everybody's saying tank for two, worry about Trevor Lawrence two years from
now out of Clemson.
You can't do that.
You got to just deal with what you have this year and this year we have four quarterbacks
that are first rounders.
We can all debate how good they were compared to last year.
Last year was a special group and we knew that going in and you throw Mayfield in as
a wild card.
Lamar Jackson at the end of the first round.
So you had the book ends there and then you had the other three, all of which I thought
held their own and did better than that.
I mean, Josh Allen went five and five in the games he started and finished.
Darnell finished strong.
Mayfield did what he did and Lamar won six football games.
So yeah, Josh had a bad team around them.
So those quarterbacks were better than any of the quarterbacks this year.
In my opinion, those guys were better than this year's group as a group of quarterbacks.
The top guys were better Arizona can reportedly only get a second or third for Josh Rosen,
which is, it's crazy to me.
I don't buy it.
It's like driving a new car off the lot.
It decreases value the second the season starts, I think.
Or buying a boat.
There you go.
Buying a boat.
I'll tell you all about that.
I'm not there yet.
Wait, who has a boat?
Do you have a boat?
I do.
Oh, you do?
He's got a boat.
He's got a kayak.
He's got a boat.
He's got a boat.
He's got a boat.
He's got a boat.
He's got a boat.
He's got a boat.
He's got a boat.
He's got a boat.
He's got a boat.
He's got a boat.
As far as the draft goes over the years, is it getting harder to evaluate players as they've
gotten more athletic?
It's always been hard to evaluate players, guys.
That's never been easy.
To do what we do independently, not be with a team, and you have to project to everybody,
not just your system in which you do.
Thank you for your service.
Fundamentally, it's very hard.
And I think that's the whole, it's never changing.
The league is different now than it ever was.
They're talking about doing even more to keep it offense, generating big time points.
Fantasy football is kind of taking over.
Everything's about offense.
Everything's about stats.
I don't think kids watch games.
They just want to know stats.
Do you watch the games?
Oh, if you look at stats, you're not going to find out who wins football games.
Kids these days.
Oh, it's amazing.
Look at the numbers.
That's all they care about.
Did you actually watch the game?
And that's what we've become.
That's why some of these stat quarterbacks are revered and they just win the daggone football
game.
And if you win and you open up stats, oh, he didn't play well.
No, he played really well.
If you watched the game, you might have figured that out.
I think the craziest part now is it's not even social media.
It's just figure.
Like I talked to guys who are friends in the league, scouts, and it used to be 70, 30 evaluating
tape versus background checks.
And now they're basically like private investigators, you know, you got to dig through all the,
all the tweets and all the, you know, all the social media stuff, but more like hanging
out in bars in town, talking to like everyone who works at the calf and all those different
things.
It's crazy how much time is spent by an area scout sitting in, you know, the middle of
nowhere Oklahoma trying to figure out if a guy's get some issues off the field because
they don't want to invest $25 million in someone who is going to be a problem.
I would be very good at that job to just be the guy that volunteers to go hang out in
a bar and still water for a week.
I will submit my resume right now for that job.
You were talking about watching tape, watching the games, how much college football do you
guys watch in season as opposed to going back after the years over, watching some of the
tape on the guys that you know are good.
I'm like 80, 20 tape because I'm doing games every week with Steve Levy and Brian Greasy,
but you know, Kuiper's got 17 screens in front of him, right?
Yes, Saturdays, it's crazy during the week going Saturdays with college football, trying
to watch as much as you can superficially because you have to obviously report on this
very immediately after the games are over and then you go back during the week and try
to figure out who you liked, who you didn't.
We have work to do as Todd does.
We all do for ESPN.com.
I have a player moving up the board and under the radar guy to highlight, which means you're
not just evaluating one guy because that one guy may do nothing.
There might be an under radar guy who's playing that week and you say, boy, I'm going to evaluate
him.
Well, he didn't do well.
So I can't put him up there.
So I have to get six or seven guys and the same thing for the big board.
So I think you're up.
I'm up on Saturday night till 4.30 in the morning getting ready for Sunday based on evaluating
college kids.
So it just, it never ends.
I started out back in 1978 with that big satellite dish on the roof of my house back on 1935
Ramblewood Road.
So, you know, it was a different ball game back in those days where I had to actually
go to two games every Saturday.
I'm driving all over creation.
I got the big dish on the satellite.
You imagine that huge dish on the top of that roof back in a row house in Baltimore.
Do you see what I put up with every day?
Yeah, this is, I'm starting to get the, I understand your guys' relationship a lot
more.
I mean, I'm a better talent evaluator, but this guy is way more interesting.
Well, I like the confidence or the cockiness, I should say, to say he's actually better
at this.
He eats pumpkin pie every day.
Oh, we're going to get to that.
We're going to get to that.
We got, we got our rapid fire questions at the end.
Todd, give me the 2019 draft preview for dummies in terms of strong position groups, bad position
groups, where you think it's going to shake out in that respect.
I think if you want a running back or receiver, you should do it in second, second, third
round, day two.
Kyle Sanders from Penn State is a better value than, than having to reach for Josh Jacobs
if you want to take him to the top 20.
Travion Williams from Texas A&M, David Montgomery, you can go to Justice Hill as an explosive
back out of Oklahoma State.
There's just a bunch of running backs that I think second, third, even fourth round you
can get players.
I would, I love Marquise Brown, the wide receiver from, from Oklahoma.
He's 166 pounds.
He's coming off of Liz Frank injury, but he's, he's the Sean Jackson and I'll take
that in the top 20, even though I know he's going to probably fall a little bit, but I'd
rather take AJ Brown from Ole Miss than DK Metcalf from Ole Miss.
If I could get Brown in the middle of the second round versus spending a top 25 pick
on, on, on Metcalf.
So it's just, I think where you take these players, but the defensive line group is as
good as I've ever evaluated.
I can go on with a thousand names from Cornyn Williams, Ed Oliver, Christian Wilkins, Jeffrey
Simmons, then Bosa, Nick Bosa, Joey's brother, Montez Sweatt from Mississippi State, Rashawn
Gary from Michigan.
I mean, there's so many defensive tackles and edge players in this year's class that
teams are just, they're, they're dying to get their hands on them.
I'll give you guys a question.
Middle last week, what do you think I was watching?
Middle to last week.
Middle last week.
I'm up in Bristol with the double tree.
Okay.
I just got back to the room.
I'm ordering my pizza and my, my fingerling potatoes.
Oh, I know.
Very capillary.
I was watching women's lacrosse.
Okay.
In women's college, I had watched Maryland and Georgetown, watched Jen Giles put on
a show.
They were down eight to four at the half guys.
They won like 17 to eight, outscored them 13-nothing in the second half and Jen Giles.
He literally asked me the next day in the green room, he goes, what do you think, here's
the score at halftime or whatever it is, what do you think the score is?
I'm like, no, what are you talking about?
Yeah.
Great game.
Great game.
Down eight to four at halftime and with 13 to nothing in the second half.
So you're going to land this plane, Mel?
Yeah.
What's the point of the story, Mel?
Point of the story is, there's more to do than watch this football.
You got to have a diversion.
You got to have something else.
You can't be 24 hours a day just football.
You need to diversify.
You need to be able to.
That's your big picture.
Exactly.
Assessment of history.
You need to be a well-rounded individual.
Yeah.
You got to be exactly.
Okay.
When, when was the last time you guys, well, I guess Todd, you covered the games.
Mel, when was the last time you actually went to a football game?
I went to a football game, the NFL games every Sunday and I go to college.
I used to go to college games twice a, two, I don't go to college games anymore.
That's Todd's deal.
I used to go to two a week.
I'd go to one in the afternoon, one in the evening.
And then I did college game day for ESPN where we were at a site every week for years there
until Todd took over for me.
And then he's now doing games after he was in studio and he didn't go to any games for
all those years.
Right, Todd?
What about high school?
High school every week.
Yeah.
Okay.
Get an early start on it.
Stay ahead of the game.
High school football.
Come on.
All right.
Talk to me about these quarterbacks.
So we obviously know Kyler Murray, number one, probably most like 99.9%.
How far down can like, what's the volatility of Dwayne Haskins can Drew Lock jump him?
Like how do you see it shaking out with those four quarterbacks we talked about?
These teams are all over the place.
I mean, I can talk to a friend right now and he'll be like, you know, I'd like lock more
than I like Haskins and then other guys would be like the tape is just like, this is a direct
quote.
The tape is just different with Haskins compared to all of the other quarterbacks.
Then you talk to other guys and they say, well, Haskins, we're worried about the weight
and what are we getting?
Is he too into his brand, et cetera, et cetera.
So there's just so many different opinions.
I think Haskins from what I hear Washington at 15 is the most likely spot.
I don't know about what you hear, Mel.
Drew Lock to me is probably the most volatile and then there's Daniel Jones, who I don't
think belongs in the first round.
You do and the Giants seem to really like them.
So we'll see how it plays out.
You want to get a headache, talk to enough people and they'll give you every year.
Every year it's the same old stuff.
Some love, some hate, some loves everybody.
But after the one thing you find guys, once they're good, they all love them.
Once they're bad, they all hate it.
Oh yeah.
That's the revisionist history.
It goes.
The Holmes never had a problem.
He had great mechanics.
Yeah.
They all love the Holmes.
Accurate.
Yeah.
No, they didn't.
They all love Josh Allen and Sam Darlton.
But Doshan Watson, no, they didn't.
Mr. Biskie, come on.
Are you kidding me?
So I can tell you so many stories, guys, going back of quarterbacks that were great,
that were hated and quarterbacks that were awful, that were loved.
But nobody would admit it three, four years after the fact.
Who's this here is Josh Allen.
You guys were huge, Josh Allen.
Oh yeah, Josh Allen.
Who's this here is Josh Allen.
Daniel Jones.
Good question.
Daniel Jones would be Josh Allen because-
Big, big, strong arm.
Big, strong arm.
6'2", 220.
He's just jumping them and he's also doing that late thing where no one talked about
him and now it's all of a sudden Daniel Jones, Daniel Jones, Daniel Jones.
So you guys like those guys that wear number 17, huh?
Oh yeah, yeah.
And actually, you bring up a great point because I think it's actually hurting Ed Oliver's
draft stock that he wore what, number 10 in college for a defensive tackle that doesn't
look right on film to me as a taper.
Sean Gary wearing number three.
Yeah, don't like it.
The tape doesn't jump out.
But we like guys who look good in shorts and Mel, you should know something about that.
Jimmy Clausen.
Oh yeah.
That was one of my best evaluations ever, wasn't it?
Looks great in shorts.
He looks great in shorts.
What happened there?
Walk us through how you still are working.
I guess I was too much of a Notre Dame fan because I had been ripped for not having Rick
Meyer high enough.
I had Rick Meyer 33rd.
I'm glad we get to talk about this publicly.
This is good.
Yeah.
And then what about Brady Quinn?
I'm destroyed.
I figured I'll give them Notre Dame.
That's my team.
I love Notre Dame.
I'm big in the fighting Irish.
And then you promised you were going to retire.
Yeah, I'm going to read that quote for you guys here, okay?
Because you said-
I was forced out of retirement after about an hour.
We're going to run through the entire transcript here.
If Jimmy Clausen is- this is Mel Kuiper speaking- if Jimmy Clausen is not a successful quarterback
in the NFL, I'm done.
That's it.
I'm out.
Then Todd says, what's your time frame, Mel?
When do we make that assessment?
And then you say, I want eight years.
Todd says, it will only take three years, Mel.
We can tell inside three years.
You said I want eight.
It's been eight years.
And you said that you were done.
And he was screaming.
I was just a young guy, you know, trying to make my way in the world and he was just
tearing me up.
I was trying- guys, I was trying to make Todd look good.
He was an unknown-
Oh, that's nice.
Nobody knew who McShay was.
It's Richmond, Spider, 15-string quarterback.
Nobody ever knew who that guy was.
He wasn't one of the boards.
Nobody even knew he ever played the game.
And he's coming on to ESPN.
People thought, yeah, what are you doing?
What's this?
Who's this guy?
I had to give him credibility.
What's the best way to give a newcomer credibility?
Fall in the soul.
Make Jimmy Clausen a superstar.
Yeah.
Really stupid.
It was all for Todd.
It was all set up for Todd.
Yeah.
All right.
So in fairness, Todd, I want to hear your worst, the worst evaluation you've ever done.
The guy that you're like, I totally missed on him.
Jim Marcus Russell.
Oh.
A lot of people do.
You can throw far for it on his knees though.
That's 60 yards.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That pro day, man.
I still have never seen anything like it.
Just a freak.
But then, I mean, again, I was young and dumb.
I trusted the people.
I trusted some of the people I shouldn't have trusted in terms of who he was, but I should
have known.
Jim Marcus went and sat down after his workout and made everyone in the media and everyone
come over and talk to him because he was just kind of tired and lazy and everyone just
kept saying, no, he's poised.
You know, he's relaxed.
All right.
He doesn't let anything get to him, but he, um, he was lazy and I took it on the chin.
He was exhausted after after his pro day workout.
You throw him from his knees.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So you guys root for the players that you've gassed up or the guys that you say, like,
for example, in that draft, when Jim Marcus Russell hits the field for the first time,
are you rooting for him to succeed?
I mean, I could lie to you.
I kind of do.
Some guys, certain guys, I don't necessarily root for failure, although I don't get upset
with, Kuiper loves a guy and I don't, but I, you know, just being, just being real with
you.
Sure.
Yeah.
Sometimes I've watched and I'm like, oh man, what?
Come on now.
Here we go.
That's why you guys have disagreed on the most.
The most.
Yeah.
The two Notre Dame quarterbacks are up.
We hated Josh Allen last year.
I did.
Oh, I introduced you to Josh.
Oh, I did his conference championship game a year before.
You didn't even know who he was.
Oh, yeah.
But you hated him.
So it must not have liked anything you saw.
If that's great.
This is great.
Adam is like the seventh or eighth best player in the draft.
You're out of your mind.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
So let's go back to some of the little commentary from Mr. McShay, Todd Todd Todd, when Josh
Allen and you'll see what I'm talking about.
Okay.
I had to defend the guy to the Hill the entire way through the process when everybody was
beaten up.
Josh Allen.
Thank you.
I defended him.
And here we are.
Franchise quarterback.
Not even worth it anymore.
That's so good.
That's so good.
All right.
Ryan Tannehill is another one, by the way.
Oh.
I like Tannehill.
You loved him.
I, I wasn't high.
Yeah.
I liked him.
I'll eat it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
If he says healthy, this is the year he takes that next step.
He is a good player when he's healthy.
Sam Bradford is a good player when he's healthy.
He just can't say healthy.
And I thought he would.
Hey, by the way, Sam Bradford went number one when Klosson went in the second round.
At least they could cut the ties with Klosson.
Bradford Klosson.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Bradford.
Believe me.
Hey, hey, hey.
Let me give you some advice, Brad.
Stay away from, stay away from Brady Quinn and Klosson.
Hey, hey, I'm not, stay away from Bradford.
What did that get you?
I like this.
This is like, this is great.
This is like back in the day with John Clayton and Sean Salisbury.
Just going at it.
All right.
So I'm going to give you guys both a chance to gas up one guy that you love in the first
round that maybe not everyone in the NFL draft mock world is seeing.
So we'll start with you, Mel.
What's your guy that you're like, this guy is going to be great.
Darnell Savage Jr.
Oh, I knew you were going to do that.
That's Maryland.
You can't even give me my own guy in my own state.
I mean, hey, I'll give you Chris Lindstrom from Boston College if you want him.
Okay.
I love Chris Lindstrom.
I think he's a heck of a player.
But I'm going to Darnell Savage Jr. at seven pixel as two years, ran four, three, six heck
of a cover guy.
I'll hit you.
Fourth leading tackler, opportunistic guy, tested out great Darnell Savage Jr. Safety
Maryland.
I'll go Byron Murphy corner from Washington.
Can we stay from the DBs?
I gave a DB.
Give something else.
Diversify.
All right.
I'll go wide receipt.
Pick a position.
I mean, wide receiver.
I'll go Debo Samuel.
If he's in shape, which is a big if, I think he's the most talented receiver outside of
Marquise Brown in this class, South Carolina production, slot receiver, big guy can run
after the catch, can help in the return game if you want to utilize him that way.
He was the best player at the senior bowl this year.
And when he's healthy, he's, he's a stud.
Debo's a dude.
That does it.
He's a dude.
Yeah.
Well, what about, what about DK Metcalf?
So I'm just a fan of the picture that he puts up.
I'm like, that guy looks like he's a football player.
Well, there's three cone in his short shuttle where about the same as Tom Brady's.
Yeah.
Running, running routes is, is not going to be a thing.
As I've told Mel before, he's a one trick pony, but it's a hell of a trick.
Just get him vertical, put the ball up and, and you got to, you got to shot, but he's
a draft cliche.
He's a boomer bust.
And I think a roll of the dice, gamble on greatness, blah, blah, blah.
And that's what he take all the cliches and put them on DK Metcalf could make your draft
or break your heart.
So in those days, we used to say that back in 1979.
So I would use those comments to describe players who were iffy.
He's iffy.
He seems to me like either, well, a classic Raiders pick in the first round or somebody
at the Ravens would, would, would overcompensate for that would jump up for in the first round
and end up like throwing them 10 passes in the first two years.
How much does hand size matter?
Cause Drew Lock has nine inch hands.
Big deal.
Ooh.
Go on.
Well, we've got Romo.
I think Romo was the one under nine that made it and had a solid career had a under nine.
He's about the only one that lines the cutoff point for usually having success moving forward.
So yeah.
Yeah.
Like there is a validity to that outlier would be Tony Romo and you know, draft outliers.
Mm hmm.
Okay.
That's saying.
Good point.
Yeah.
Who's the most accurate quarterback in the draft this year?
Haskins.
Ooh.
Without a doubt.
Yeah.
He's got a little bit of time.
He'll shred you.
Okay.
If you guys are curious on, in my draft, I've done exactly one pick and I've got Dwayne
Haskins.
He's definitely going to go to the Redskins.
You guys are on the right track.
So be sure to credit me when that happens.
Nice.
All right.
So actually I want to pin something with Dwayne Haskins.
I always was curious about this.
I'll, I'll start with you, Todd.
When you're evaluating a guy and his team is stacked and they're playing maybe poor,
you know, not the best, like say Ohio State's playing, uh, I'm not, I'm not going to say
Purdue because Purdue beat Ohio State, but say, say they're playing Maryland or say that
was close.
Yeah.
Northwestern or Illinois.
How do you evaluate a guy when the rest of his team is just beating guys downfield
and everything's easy?
I mean, you got to factor in, and that's part of the thing with Kyler.
If you don't like Kyler Murray, you, you go back and say, yeah, he was undefeated in
high school, but he had 28 guys on his roster that wound up eventually getting division
one scholarships to play football.
He had Greg Little, the starting, um, offensive tackle is one of his tackles.
He had Ben Powers, who was his starting right tackle at Oklahoma.
So he's always been protected.
He's always had talent around him and he's in a system with Lincoln Riley that's arguably
the best system in college football in terms of getting guys open and, and setting up a
quarterback for success.
But he also saw what Baker did coming out of Oklahoma a year ago.
And it's obvious that he has this skill set.
So you have to factor it in, but it's also why I kind of like Drew Locke because this
dude went through three different coordinators in three years of playing at Missouri.
He in most SCC games was overmatched.
He's got 46 starts.
He had an NFL guy come in this past year and Derek Dooley is a coordinator and teach him
finally how to think like a quarterback, at least with past protections, reading coverages
and so on.
So I like to see guys that have had to battle and grind, but it doesn't, it doesn't always
make, you know, it doesn't always correlate.
Can you tell him to save something for Thursday?
Say something for Thursday for the big show.
Come on.
So you're letting all out there today.
It's a little early, Todd.
And you're the vet.
No, but that's, I mean, I always, I always find it interesting like how do you, like
if a team is stacked and everyone's getting open, like, of course it's going to look easy.
Do you, in terms of like evaluating quarterbacks by conferences, some dumb thing that us, you
know, fans do never take a big 12 quarterback.
How long does it take for that narrative to get wiped off as Baker Mayfield just wiped
that off himself?
Yeah.
I think it's defensive players in the big 12 because there's not a lot going on defensively
in that conference.
You hear that, but you're still evaluating individuals and I don't know if you can say,
you know, I'm not going to like a player because of a conference or a position because
of whatever happened down the, down the road five, seven, 10 years ago.
So I don't buy into that.
I don't evaluate players based on that.
That's why maybe I had a few misses more than Todd did over the years.
I think, I think Baker helped though, coming from that system, the spread.
You know, you can go back and look, there's always a trailblazer.
You know, Russell Wilson helped with the, with the size as Mel always says, you should
get a check from, from Kyler Murray, at least the call and say thank you or at least a thank
you letter.
I would say seven years ago, he was a 75th pick and then we fast forward to today and
I said, then he's the test case for five 11 below six foot below quarterbacks.
And here we are seven years later, Kyler Murray could go number one.
That's all because of Russell Wilson.
Yeah.
Combo breaker.
I like it.
So with Kyler Murray, the new knock against him is that he hasn't lost enough in high
school and in college.
He hasn't lost enough to know how to bounce back from adversity.
Do you put any stock in that at all?
I watch him get his ass kicked against Alabama.
Watch it.
Watch it.
You can swear on this podcast.
His butt kicked.
And in the second half, he came back and clearly they made adjustments offensively, but he
hung in there, man.
And that was impressive to me just to watch him against a defense, it's not the best Nick
Saban defense of all time, but just to hang in there and really outplayed Alabama in the
second half.
So there's not a lot of examples of it.
I also was at the Texas Tech game where it's that weird Halloween night.
I was there for the Michael Crabtree upset years and years ago in Lubbock and they all
get dressed up and it's kind of an interesting place.
Let's put it that way.
But the momentum was rolling.
He threw two picks early.
Texas Tech was going wild and then and then he just hung in there.
And so I talking to Lincoln that that's one of the, he's not Baker Mayfield.
He's not the leader.
He's not like the raw, raw guy.
He doesn't bring the same energy, but he is poised.
He is chill and nothing's going to really get to him.
Okay.
I want to do some quick rapid fire questions here.
And then I also, we have our draft guru here that has one question as well, but the quick
rapid fire questions, Mel, how much pumpkin pie do you actually eat in a given week?
Be honest at a given week?
Yes.
I will go through, depending on the size, cause they are smaller and they have the larger.
I will go through two to three a week.
Okay.
So a slice a day.
That's a couple more than that.
Oh, more than that.
A breakfast.
Is that your breakfast every morning?
It's breakfast every morning and snack at night.
Okay.
That's a good book.
No crust, right?
Yeah.
Don't eat the crust.
Only use fat free whipped cream and fat free milk.
Yeah.
So a little birdie told me that you make a weekly shopping trip to the same grocery store and
you buy upwards of 12 cans of whipped cream a week.
Can you confirm or deny?
Yes, I can confirm.
Yeah.
The crowd's over on the, near the magazine where we say over there, the guy, he's ready.
He's ready for me.
How did you know that?
We have groceries everywhere.
We have groceries everywhere.
You must have spies everywhere.
Yeah.
I'll tell you because I do.
I get, I, after I come, they have to put, they have to stock the, they can work more.
Cause I just get them all while I'm there.
I might as well get 12, 15 of them, whatever they have.
Do you go or does Kim go?
I go.
I talk to GM's every day.
And your spy knows.
I'm the only one that shows up there.
Yeah.
There's spy about that.
All right.
So Mel.
That was good.
I'm impressed.
Mel sticking on the food stuff.
Is it true that you take the cheese off your pizza and dip it in mashed potatoes?
That is correct.
Jesus Christ, man.
What's wrong with you?
Can you believe it?
Hey, I went to my cardiologist a couple of weeks ago and I told him that he said, eat
the blank and crust.
He screamed at me.
He yells at, he like yells at me for, cause every night that the conversation is we go
back to the hotel is what are you going to get for dinner?
And he's always like, well, I don't understand why haven't you tried the pizza?
Why try the pizza?
Get some mashed potatoes.
The mashed potatoes are good.
You can dip it in them.
I'm like, Mel, this is not how normal people function.
That's insane.
I know.
Hey guys, I never claimed to be normal.
Yeah.
That's true.
We love you, Mel.
You're also very well known for not taking bathroom breaks during the draft.
You had quite a record going on there for a while.
What's your regimen?
Do not drink water at all?
Or do you just focus so hard that you don't have to pee?
No, I just, well, there is method to the madness, guys.
When you are, as Todd knows, when you're plugged into all these things and I've always believed
once you leave the set, I'm done for the day.
It's hard for me to get back into the flow of a show and get same enthusiasm.
And I don't feel, I feel a little disconnect when I leave the set and have to come back.
So we used to be forced off when the commissioner came back and today we would all leave and
let the commissioner come up and Boomer would do that interview.
Now, they preview, preview, do it prior to.
So now you don't have to leave the set.
I sip water and I do.
He has a bottle of water next to him the whole time and maybe like the sixth round, he will
finally crack it.
I will.
I have just a little bit like this.
And I eat nothing.
I eat zero.
Okay.
And Todd knows that nothing.
No pumpkin pie.
Nothing.
On draft day.
All right.
Todd ruined.
You heard about what he did when he ruined my pumpkin pie at the set two years ago.
No.
He sprayed.
You can't, you can't, when you get a pumpkin pie, guys, you can't take the fat free whipped
cream and spray it all over the pie because it's going to melt.
That's why it's fat free.
It's not like regular whipped cream, which will hang in there longer.
So you got to spray, eat, spray, eat, spray, eat.
We were celebrating his 35th year or whatever on the draft.
We did something nice.
We got him a pumpkin pie and I thought it would be a nice gesture to put the whipped
cream on it for him so he could eat it and he started yelling.
Okay.
Okay.
All right.
Last quick question.
This one's for you, Todd.
Obviously our boss, you know him very well.
You were born in the same hospital.
Dave Portnoy.
You were childhood friends with him.
I don't know if you're adult friends.
Yeah.
I don't know if you're adult friends with him, but you saw him grow up, play sports.
Do you think it is sad that he still talks about his high school glory days or was he
that good of an athlete?
Well, I mean, let's face it.
He's living his teens and twenties as a 40 year old, which is dicey at best.
I don't know how long it's going to last.
All right.
The real story, he was, I used to play quarterback when we were, I think like eight, nine years
old C squad.
I think it was.
He would take the snap, hand it off to Dave.
He would, he was so much faster than everyone on the field that he would run around the
end, even if it was an inside run, he didn't want to get hit, but he also had the speed
to do it.
And that would be the play.
Like I would throw maybe once or twice a game because he, he would have, I don't know, 250,
300 yards.
Damn.
Then all of a sudden his shoulders fell apart.
He couldn't throw the ball.
I mean, we would have to have a cutoff man in like, in the like 20 yards from him because
he just couldn't reach.
He could, he could always rake though.
He was, he was a really good hitter.
Okay.
So he's a DH for life and he was a young Bo Jackson.
That's a fair answer.
All right.
Our last question, Steven Shea, our mock draft expert.
He actually puts it on our prep sheet today on our radio show on serious.
He had expert opinions.
It was Todd McShea, Mel Kuiper, Daniel Jeremiah, Steven Shea.
So he's a colleague of your, your guys now, he's got his last question for you guys before
we let you go.
All right.
Hey guys.
So greedy Williams, most polarizing player in the draft, everybody's all over the board
of them.
Mel, you had him ranked really high going into the pre-draft process.
Now we're seeing potential second round people questioning his work ethic, lack of tackling,
toughness.
Where do you guys sit on him right now?
A few days before the draft.
He's a hard one.
He's a hard one because he had a stinger early.
He maybe was thinking, I would call it third year sophomoreitis instead of senioritis.
Maybe thinking about staying healthy, getting through the year because he wasn't a hundred
percent.
I don't want to get hurt even more, but I want to finish this thing out.
I don't know what was going, but tackling was an issue.
Now in some games during his career, he did tackle better.
He ran for three.
He's got the, obviously the height and the ability to be a good cover corner.
Will he be a, a one dimensional player in the NFL?
We don't know if he is.
He's not going to play for a long because a lot of, you've got to tackle in this league
with the bubble screens, the short passes, the extension of the running game to these
receivers.
You've got to be able to tackle.
You can't play with 10 men.
So he's a, he's another one that like we talked about where we're Sean, Gary, DK, Medcalf,
kind of a boomer bust, but I think he goes to Kansas city at the end of the first round.
Okay.
Or near the end of the first round.
He's a buffet tackler.
Makes it tough.
Picks and chooses when he wants to tackle and that, like Mel said, it's not a, it's not
an endearing trait, but there are teams like Kansas city that absolutely need speed and
he's got it.
Four threes.
He's got length, you know, he's over six, he's six one and he's a guy that just can
turn his hips and run with anybody and, and those guys are hard to find.
So I think he's going to be a first round pick, but I think it's going to be in the 20, like
20 to 32 rather than what we thought early on, which is maybe top 10.
And Todd, we talked about that.
The two teams that you would think would take a corner and would look at him probably won't
because you think Steelers, do you think greedy Williams, when you're the Steelers, do you
think greedy Williams, when you're John Gruden and their Raiders, John Gruden would scream
thus for all those, because you can't have a corner who doesn't tackle.
So the two teams, if you're projecting this guys, you wouldn't put greedy Williams to necessarily
would be the Steelers at 20 and then the Raiders with those two picks at what 24 and I think
27.
All right guys.
Thank you so much.
First draft is their podcast, Todd McShane, Mel Kuiper.
You'll see them on Thursday night.
We appreciate it.
Great little eye into the world of in the relationship of Todd McShane and Mel Kuiper.
I could hear you guys embarrassing all the time.
One of these days when we dig a little deeper into that, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Come back and do it again.
I can tell you a lot of good things about Todd that you have no clue about.
Hey, Todd, one gripe on, on first draft, let's have no more taping in your car on the
side of the road.
No more.
I know.
No more eating.
That sounds like trash.
Eating during the show.
And then when you post it, when you post the podcast links, no more broken links.
Oh, get it together.
Yeah.
Sounds like you need a producer.
Are you angling for a producer job on that show right now?
Is that what you're doing?
Yeah.
Todd, you're actually talking to Steven Shea, who when I think you said, I can, I can actually
hear the confidence growing in your voices as you're talking right now.
I like it.
Yeah.
He's ready to go.
I think you said like I'm opening up the mail bag and he used that mail bag as a place
to complain.
Oh, don't get me started on posting Ryan Racillo.
And actually you guys did it today.
It was a little bit more relevant, but that you did that know them from Adam or the Adam
Schefter podcast.
You guys posted a full Racillo podcast when I was looking for draft scoops, you're talking
about the eighth seed in the Eastern Conference of the NBA got me pretty fired up.
All right.
Are you done yet?
Do you want to apologize to him?
I'm good, man.
Okay.
Okay.
I've had a long enough day.
All right.
Thanks guys.
Appreciate it.
Thanks.
You got it guys.
Have a good one, man.
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Okay, let's get to some segments.
First up, we have a take quake.
It comes from the New York Daily News and it was, did Babe Ruth ever hurt his oblique?
Blame supplements and weights for these injuries and the article basically goes on to say the
players in today's game are hurting themselves because they're weightlifting and Babe Ruth
who died at the age of 52 and was super fat and ate a shitload of hot dogs was actually
the model of the perfect health, the perfect athlete.
Yeah, I think that baseball players should start smoking cigarettes and drinking whiskey
in the dugout again because you never heard of guys back in the 20s tearing their ACL.
They just limped around like fools for the last 40 years of their life if they were
lucky.
Right.
It's a pretty hilarious take.
I like where it's coming from.
I like the motive behind it, trying to like stir things up by any time.
If you're a Yankees writer, if you could just toss Babe Ruth into a column, that's always
a winner.
You're always going to get clicks from that.
So a tip of the cap to whoever wrote that article.
I'm kind of with them.
Like I actually do think in a way athletes getting bigger, stronger, faster will lead
to more injuries that we haven't seen before, but then we just need to figure out how to
heal those injuries with new supplements and create new kinds of injuries that we don't
know about.
It's the old John Daly.
You can't pull fat.
That's why he's never injured.
It's also Bob Wiley.
He kind of stole from Bob Wiley when Bob Wiley said that, you know, they stormed the beaches
in Normandy.
They weren't doing stretches beforehand.
Yeah.
And everybody turned out fine.
Yes, exactly.
That was totally fine.
I do love that Babe Ruth is the guy they used though, like who was severely overweight,
played against subpar competition and died at age 52.
If you want to do that, make sure you never lift the weight.
It's like the picture that quarterback who was smoking a cigarette and drinking a Pepsi
at halftime of the Super Bowl, like that dude never got diagnosed with a concussion.
Sir, you tell me.
Exactly.
All right.
We have Trouble in Paradise.
This is for Bryce Harper and the Phillies.
So Bryce Harper got kicked out of a game on Monday night.
It's actually his 12th ejection in his career, which is second most since 2012 to only Matt
Kemp.
And afterwards, Jake Arietta, the love of my life, said basically called him out.
It was like, we need him in right field.
We don't need him kicked out of games.
And what's the clock at?
We're still in April.
Bryce Harper already maybe pissing off some teammates because Jake Arietta is always right
just so you know.
Yeah.
I think he's extra right in this circumstance.
Here's the thing about Bryce.
He's good for like four or five of these a year.
He just blows up.
He's got a hair trigger.
It's very, I thank God every day that Bryce Harper is a Mormon who doesn't drink because
can you imagine the kind of shit this guy would get into if he was a drinker?
If he was like out on the town with a temper like this?
It's actually a very, very good thing for him that he's stone cold sober because he's
kind of a psycho, but good for Jake for keeping him in line.
I think he needed somebody.
He needs somebody who's more of an alpha than he is on the team because if Bryce is your
leader, then your whole team is just going to be like a zoo.
Listen, I watched the Bryce Harper ejection.
My problem with it is you need, if you're Bryce Harper and you get ejected all the time,
he goes crazy.
He goes ballistic on the up.
Then he gets kicked out.
He walks past everything in the dugout and I'm just waiting for him to smash something,
to throw the gum on the field, to throw bats on the field.
If you're going to be the ejection guy, you need to earn it and you need to be the crazy
ejection guy who every single time he gets ejected, you just don't know what the fuck
is going to happen.
I think for Bryce, it's like sex.
So once he gets ejected, that's like his nut and then all he wants to do is just like
lay down and smoke a cigarette.
He's like totally calm after he gets that ejection.
He just needs to get it in real quick.
But yeah, I agree.
It would be nice to see him like take a baseball bat to a bullpen phone.
That would be kind of fun.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Carlos Zambrano is making a comeback.
Maybe he can teach him how to take a part of a Gatorade machine.
Bad visual.
The Milwaukee Bucks fans chanting, we want Boston after they beat, swept the Detroit
Pistons.
It's tough because they're the number one seed and it's kind of weird to be like we
want the four seed Hank, what are your thoughts on this?
It's a mistake.
It's a mistake.
You think it's a mistake?
You think that South is going to beat the Bucks?
Yeah.
Really?
I think it's going to be a good series.
Like I said, like I said on Monday, it's a battle.
But like when you do shit like this, as you guys know in sports, it's a mistake.
Why?
Why poke the bear?
But it's fair.
It's not the team.
Still, you know, that's going to get the players going, we want Boston, we want Boston.
They're going to get them.
Do you think that that mentality carries down to the team or is it just the fans?
I think it carries down.
When you're the number one seed, you can't, you or your fans can't be doing stuff like
this.
I do agree with that.
The number one seed part of it, like you're going to be favored.
You're at home for the first two games.
You have the best player in the series.
Like just, you know, go with that.
But I also can understand the standpoint that the Bucks haven't really been, they haven't
been this good for 20 years.
So there's a lot of excitement in Milwaukee.
Milwaukee is a great city, except for the Packers fans, but everything else, you know,
Yannis is, if you're a Bucks fan, like, could you imagine if you were a Bucks fan right
now with Christian Yelich and Yannis, like you'd be losing your mind and it makes sense.
Like you would be fucking losing your mind.
It's like the heyday of Milwaukee sports right now.
Yeah, it's pretty good.
And the thing is the Bucks haven't won a playoff series in a really long time.
And so they don't have any of the old timers to like bring back to do any of the ceremonial
stuff.
They don't have to make the finals.
If we're looking ahead a little bit, who would the Bucks bring back?
Like who would, who would the legends be that they would introduce?
There's like nobody.
Michael Red.
There's like, uh, I'm getting there.
Michael Red and Joe and Joe Prunty.
I'm getting there.
Yeah.
That's true.
Yeah.
They would have, they would have to lower that tweet from the banners.
Yes.
They would lower that tweet.
Ready to go.
Spencer House.
Exactly.
Yeah.
It's been, it's been a while since the Bucks have had a very good team.
Yeah.
They haven't won a playoff series.
I'm looking at it right now since 2000.
Sheesh.
Yeah.
It's been a while.
It's been a while, but they do look like clearly the best team in the East so far,
I think.
Yeah.
Maybe not clearly.
The Celtics are pretty good.
Kyrie's been playing well.
He believes the earth is round now.
He's traveling with an Atlas.
Did you see that?
So I think that those are the two best teams definitely in the East.
I think the Bucks are going to do it though.
I think they're going to make the finals.
By the way, since we're on the Bucks, I just had to mention this for our, for our, for our
main guy, Joe Prunty.
When the Suns coach got fired today, this was reported in talking with players.
The one thing that, the one thing that they all liked Igor, but never felt like he was
in charge.
They felt like Joe Prunty, the assistant coach was more in charge.
So look at that.
Joe Prunty becoming an Alpha in his own right.
Fucking love it.
I like that.
Taking guys' knees out.
You're getting a mean streak.
That's what Joe needed.
Yes.
Exactly.
All right.
Last up before we get to guys on chicks.
Vaughn Vaughn Miller back in the news for his shark hunting, turns out he's not in trouble
for it.
So the fisherman I think is in trouble for it, but, but Vaughn Miller himself is not
in trouble for it.
It's just an excuse though to do two things.
One talk about Vaughn Miller holding up a shark and two, Jim McElwain fucked a shark.
People shouldn't forget.
That's absolutely correct.
Thank you for bringing that up because you know what I was about to.
It's a very easy PR 101 that Vaughn has done I think over the last six months or whenever
the picture was taken.
He's just worn his glasses more and any lawyer will tell you if you're on trial for murder,
like who is it?
Casey Anthony.
Just wear glasses to court.
People think that people with glasses are less likely to do bad things.
They're more innocent, that sort of thing.
And he's been wearing his big horn room glasses constantly for like the last year.
I think that had a lot to do with it.
He could have also just been like, oh, I got bad vision.
And it was a hammerhead shark that had eyes on the side of its head.
So it reminded me of Swag Kelly's mug shot.
I thought it was a picture of Swag Kelly.
Yeah.
He should actually just tweet the picture of Jim McElwain.
Not Jim McElwain, but the guy who looks a lot like Jim McElwain fucking the shark.
And it's like no one will, like that would just go re-viral and no one will care that
Vaughn Miller was ever in a shark.
I don't even know what you'd call it.
Like he was in, he was in a shark case.
He was in a case about sharks.
He followed orders and caught a shark.
Yeah.
It was probably John L. his fault.
John L. was probably like, hey, I need their fins so I can get an erection when I draft
Daniel Jones on draft night.
It's actually kind of cool for Vaughn Miller to be like, I was in a criminal complaint about
sharks.
Like just walk around and tell people that.
He literally beat a shark.
Yeah.
He is the king of the ocean.
Yes.
Hank, guys on chicks, wrap it up.
Hi PMT boys, especially Big J Leroy.
He deletes tweets.
When's the right time to send dudes to a new guy you're interested in?
I want more than a hookup type thing.
So I don't want to give the wrong impression, but I also like sending nudes.
Oh, okay.
I think you got to send nudes after the third text, right?
Third date is sex.
Third text is nudes.
Yeah.
Third text is in like the third line of text that you send.
Yes.
Correct.
So it's like, Hey, what's up?
Yeah.
Nothing much.
How about you?
Boom.
Here's my pussy.
Think about you.
And then yeah, boom.
Full rug.
I like that.
I mean, it sounds like, listen, you should do what you love and you'll never work a
day in your life.
So if you like sending nudes, then send nudes.
I would just be very careful with your operational security.
Things get out of the cloud.
You don't want to be in the cloud.
So I don't know.
I'm not, I'm not really a nudes guy, I guess.
I don't, I don't know how to lock those things down.
I guess just use snap face.
Yeah.
By the way, there's someone needs to create a nudes watermarking so that you can track
all your nudes so that if ever you have a spiteful X that tries to throw them out there,
you have the exact like very undercover.
It's almost like a bar coding bike.
Yup.
It came from that person.
Boom.
They're in jail.
You can see exactly.
You can trace your nudes.
Yes.
Yeah.
I agree with that.
And I'm honestly like a little bit jealous of women for being able to send nudes because
like it's, you guys have it so easy, just like get decent lighting and it looks good
with a guy.
Like you have, you have to really, 99 out of 100 times, it's a bad, bad nude even if
it's a good nude.
You have to really work hard at sending one of those.
Yes.
Sup boys, especially big cat.
What up?
What would you recommend a girl do when the top buttons of her blouse pop off while it
work?
I would say maybe grab the nearest jug of water and just pour it all over you and pretend
that you're in a music video.
I didn't hear the question.
I'm sorry.
Can you repeat it?
Basically you're.
Yeah.
Your shirt, your shirt starts popping open at work and it's time to pretend that you're
in like a deaf leopard music video and just start straddling a bunch of Camaros.
Yeah, absolutely.
Just toss on the white snake and do one of those like Magnum PI slides across the hood.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, it's like that episode of signfold where Elaine was like walking on the street
and her buttons kept getting unbuttoned and everybody fell in love with her.
The nice thing is if it's an accident, people will understand, but they'll still be really,
really nice to you all the time because they're like, oh, it's an attractive girl.
Six signfold reference, Mike Florio.
Sup sup sup Hank PFT and big cat respectively.
If the guy I was talking up with for over a year sleeps with my best friend.
Does that mean all of his friends are on the table for me now as well?
Yes.
Operation petty war may ensue soon.
Yes.
Yes.
This is.
Yes, they definitely.
Yes.
You got to fuck everyone.
Everyone.
You know what?
But you have entered the game.
But so you unbeknownst to him, he is about to get involved in just a contest to see
who can fuck the other person's friends more.
So good luck.
Godspeed.
I'm rooting for you.
And it's nothing's off the table.
I'm talking friends.
I'm talking family.
I'm talking favorite podcasters.
You got to fuck them all.
Yeah, especially the podcasters.
And I would recommend just going, here's how you totally alpha and right off the bat.
Sleep with two of his friends at once.
Yeah.
There you go.
Two podcasters at once.
Makin' Bubba.
Hey boys, especially Lord Big Cat, how do I convince my 25 year old boyfriend to ditch
his twin bed and buy a big kid bed?
What the fuck?
Dude, honestly, I know we like a lot of times we give, you know, facetious advice here,
but you got to break up with him.
Like there's no, you can't have a twin bed 25.
Like that's a sign of, there's signs of immaturity.
That's a sign of not only immaturity, but just like life comfort that you are not, that
you are just Bubba, do you have a twin bed?
Fuck no.
Okay.
I was starting to get looks from Bubba.
Holy shit.
Yeah.
If you still have a twin bed out of college, you're just fucking up in so many, so many
ways.
Okay.
There's a really easy way to do this.
So go out with him one night.
Both of you guys get really drunk and then when you fall asleep, piss the bed and make
him think that he did it.
And then be like, Oh, it's so gross.
I can't stay over at this place anymore on this mattress that you peed and then make
him get a new one.
Yeah.
Just like Poppy and Seinfeld.
Yes.
Exactly.
Sick reference, Mike.
When men blatantly scratch slash adjust their balls in person, do they know we can obviously
see them or do they think no one's paying attention?
No, we just don't care.
We don't care at all whatsoever.
Very easy.
Yes.
Here's the thing about, here's the thing about scrotums.
Take out a notebook and a pen.
They can stick, they can pinch, they can be very, very painful.
So would you rather me sit there thinking about how bad my nuts hurt or would you rather
me just take a deaf little pinch, a classy little nip and tug and then I'm back to focusing
on you and all the problems that you're telling me about your life right now.
I think it's pretty easy.
You just want me to grab my balls for half a second.
There's also just a little like caveman brain thing that goes on with every guy that if
you don't put your hands down your pants, like, I don't know, in like a 12 hour period,
you got to just check to make sure it's still there.
Like even though it's attached to your body, you're like, oh, wait, yeah, okay, yeah, yeah,
my balls are still there.
And it's also just cool as hell.
Yeah.
Just like a dude that's touching his crotch, not giving a fuck.
Yeah.
And it's just like, boom, and put your hand in their face, make them smell it.
Like that's hot.
Yeah.
You kind of, it's just like reminding them, you're like, Hey, guess what?
I've got balls.
Yeah.
And you like balls.
Yeah.
Okay.
Last one.
My dad, brother, and husband are all former football players.
I have a five year old son who wants to start playing.
How do I convince him to do anything else?
Put a lacrosse stick in his hand.
Well, yeah, I would say put a lacrosse stick in his hand or you could go all in and give
him the James Harrison, take their souls.
Make sure you take their souls.
Yeah.
Here's what you teach your son very poor tackling technique.
And then he breaks his arm in his first practice and then they'll never want to play again.
Oh, good point.
No, here's what you do.
You get him a helmet that's way too small.
So taking it off will make his ears really uncomfortable and then it'll probably quit.
Oh yeah.
That's another good one.
That's what I did with Rocky.
Or like the wrong size pads.
The wrong size pads will ruin a football career for sure.
Yeah.
Or just put, yeah, like Hank said, put a guitar in his hand and a rugby ball in the other
and he'll be super cool.
Yes, exactly.
All right.
That's our show.
We'll see everyone Friday.
We're going to be watching the drafts obviously live.
We'll have a post draft reaction from the studio.
We're excited for that.
We also have some big guests coming up hallfamers.
One could be if he keeps going the way he is.
Yeah.
That would be real shame.
Yeah.
Hank's thinking hallfamers.
Oh, a doctor.
We end a guy that plays a doctor on TV broadcast hallfamers broadcast hallfamers potentially.
All right.
See you then.
Love you guys.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.