Pardon My Take - Topher Grace, Jared Goff With Some Emergency News, Mt Rushmore Of Ages

Episode Date: August 16, 2019

Mike Glennon is a starting quarterback and Kyler Murray is a BUST. We get our preseason overreaction practice in. Todd Gurley got a cat and Conor McGregor punched an old guy. (2:48-16:39)Fyre Fest of the Week and an emergency breaking Moos from LA Rams starting Quarterback Jared Goff. (16:40-29:12) Mt Rushmore of ages. (29:13-42:05) Actor Topher Grace joins the show to talk about his career, That 70's Show, his recent run of great movies, and Black Mirror. (44:20-1:22:25) Segments include Drunk Idea - Aaron Rodgers, (1:25:05-1:26:21) Brian Cashman is a weirdo,(1:26:22-1:27:57) Uhh ya think Brooks Koepka could beat up Bryson DeChambeau,(1:27:58-1:29:50) PR 101 Ohio State, Hank breaks the news that Bryce Harper hit a walk off grand slam and Big Cat pouted,(1:29:50-1:31:51) and License to Jill with Jilly Football. (1:31:52-1:48:58)You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. On today's pardon my take, we have Tofer Grace in studio. The guy who got me out of jury duty all that time ago, that 70s show, Black Mirror, Black Clansman.

I watched Black Clansman when I liked it. Yes, really good show, right? So when we're talking the interview, I didn't see like any of the things he'd been in, but he's very good. Him playing David Duke was like kind of chilling. Yeah, so interesting combo with him, he's a fan. So it was a fun interview.

We also have Firefest of the Week, Mount Rushmore of Ages, and some license to Jill. Jillie Football has finally come back home. She's gone for a month and she just showed up one day, so we have her back on the show. She's like a cat finding her way back to the old barn. Yes, pardon my take is brought to you by the Cash app, the No More Finance app in the app store.

Cash app is the most powerful way to spend and save. It's connected to the free cash card. The only debit card with boosts, just select a boost in your cash app that instantly saves some of your favorite places, like 10% at Chipotle or $1 off at all coffee shops. They're always adding new boosts, so check yours often.

Best of all, boosts are like unlimited coupons, so you can use them over and over. If you're not ready to switch debit cards, you don't have to. Cash app lets you instantly transfer funds to your cash card for free, so when you see a boost you like, just add the funds, swipe, and save.

Cash app is also the most convenient way to buy Bitcoin. Most Bitcoin exchanges require five days or more for bank transfers to become investable. With Cash app, they only take seconds download the Cash app from the app store, Google Play Market today, and Cash app is bringing back a great initiative for AWS. If you download the Cash app

and enter the referral code barstool, you'll receive $5 and they will donate and send $5 to one of our favorite charities, ASPCA. Do it for the animals and be a lover. Download the Cash app today, enter code barstool, get some money, and save some animals. Okay, let's go.

Boy! Boy! Now in the street there is violence and then a lot of work to be done. No place to hang out or wash in and then I can't blame all on the sun. Oh no, we're gonna rock down to electric revenue

and then we'll take it higher. Oh, we gonna rock down to electric carbon my take presented by Barstool. Welcome to part of my take presented by the Cash app. Go download it right now and use code Barstool. $5 for free, $5 to ASPCA. Today is Friday, August 16th. I think Mike Lennon is the starting quarterback

for the Oakland Raiders. Mike Lennon looks good, but now, what a redemption. He's a big cat because we haven't seen Nate Peterman. True. He's yet to get in, so we're watching it. The game's on, we're gonna get a little treat for ourselves, buried in the second half of the show.

The Nate Peterman factor is coming up, but yeah, Glennon looked good, Derek Carr looked good. Kyler Murray looked pretty bad. Wow, three for eight, you know what though? Spin zone, Kyler Murray, three for eight, 12 yards. Guess what? The quarterback that you replaced, that's a great stat line for him, Josh Rosen.

That is a perfect Josh Rosen. The torch has been passed. So we're ready to declare after this first half, maybe Kyler Murray's a bust after watching this. The question has to be asked, is he maybe too tall? Because he was a lot better when he was 5'9". Now he's, yeah. Now he's 5'11", he turned his back on our community.

I did notice that Cliff Kingsbury's standing next to him a lot on the sidelines. I think that's just a selfish play by Cliff to try to look tall, look swaggy for his tender profile pick. My favorite part about pre-season is, it is pre-season for our knee jerk reactions. Because I'm getting,

I feel like I'm getting back in the flow. I said Mike Glunin was the worst quarterback ever like, last episode. Now, I'm wondering if Mike Glunin is the future for the Oakland Raiders or if the Bears should trade for him and Kyler Murray is an absolute bust. And the Falcons, I don't like their offensive line. Boom, I said it, Jets are gonna win the Super Bowl.

Jets look great, there's all my hot takes, all in one. The Jets have an awesome color scheme this year. They look good. Kind of Oregon-ish, anytime a team plays with that color green, it takes half a second off their 40 time. That's just a fact. I didn't make that up.

Oh, and the Packers stink and Aaron Rodgers and Matt LaFleur don't like each other. Okay, also every Bengals. So much so Aaron Rodgers didn't even play tonight. That's right, yeah. Trouble in paradise. He sat out. With a stiff back.

Interesting. Cause he claims he's been carrying the team the last six years. Yes. But wait, what year was Glunin drafted? Is he getting the six year bump? Oh, shit. I feel like the six year bump

and the seven year itch are two sides of the same SDD coin. I think Mike Glunin was drafted in 2013. Someone do the math. 2019. But then it's like 2000, but then is it the 2013? It counts as one, but there was no year zero. 13 is four zero. 13, 15, 16, 17.

This is the seven year itch for him. Good thing I can count. We got six year bump car, seven year itch, Mike Glunin. Yes. So yeah, we're just gonna overreact to all of the pre-season games. Pre-season week two, starting to look like some of the play, you know, like some of the starters stay in

for more than just a series. It feels like football. It's like creeping back, slowly creeping back. I did notice watching the Bengals, our words game that every single Bengals quarterback looks like Andy Dalton when they're on the field. Yes. He's just been there so long.

And I think the red hair orange helmet thing kind of contributes to it a little bit. It doesn't matter if you're a white quarterback that's out there, you look like Andy Dalton. It's like the Giants wide receivers. I always think every single one of them is still a Monty tumor. Yeah. And Plaxco Burris too.

Yeah. They have two kinds. If they have a tall guy, he's Plaxco. If they have like a six foot one guy, he's tumor. I agree with that. So yeah, pre-season week two, I don't know. The only other NFL news we had was Todd Gurley got a cat. Finally.

Finally. Fucking Todd. So. Todd finally took the time to text in to the cash app, reached out to the ASPCA, got his little fucking cat. Cute cat, by the way. Oh, Ty. That's fucking funny.

And he does like a little voice for the cat too. That's cute. But I will say that acquiring a cat is the first step towards retirement. Yeah. You don't get a cat unless you're thinking about retiring. Second cat is he's retired. Absolutely.

Because then you're like, I got all this time and I need another cat. I got two cats to conversate with. Third cat, you're never getting married and you're just going to live with cats for the rest of your life. You're just a cat person and you're committed to that lifestyle. So with Todd Gurley getting a cat, the most famous person who is going to get a cat

but has yet to get a cat now is Henry Lockwood. Well, no, I don't have to get a cat at all. Todd Gurley was a man in his word, much like I would have been if Duke had lost the bet, which I made, which they won. But did seeing Todd Gurley get a cat? Did they win the championship? They did not lose before the Elite Eight. But they did lose in the, did they lose in the Elite Eight?

Yeah, they're not by 20. Did seeing Todd with that cat, just like the biggest smile on his face, did that make you be like, you know what? I could picture myself. I was ready to get a cat. Trust me, I like, I have accepted it. If it, if I had made the bet and lost, I would have got a cat. I'm a man of my word.

I'm a man of honor. All I'm saying is the world is waiting for Todd Gurley to get a cat. And now that that's happened, the world is waiting for LeBron Lockwood. Yep. We need LeBron. Bronnie Bron. Would you feed LeBron Taco Tuesday? No.

Would you let LeBron get an Instagram? Every day is Taco Day and the Lockwood household. Taco Tuesday has been canceled. Yeah, you can't do that. You cannot do that. LeBron went, he was extra with his Taco Tuesday this week. It was, it was offensive. It's, it's too much.

I can't watch it. I have, I had to delete Instagram. So yeah, that's basically what's going on, on the NFL front. That's it. The other thing I noticed was I always loved the preseason announcing crews because they're always from one of the teams. Yes. So yet like Andrew Siciliano usually does a game and they're always wearing

the team polo shirts and they're looking like they're like the like a catering team for the, the owner's funeral or something. Yes. Yes. They're out for like a golf outing or something. Yeah. They're ready to go. Oh, boogers out there.

All right. So hopefully we get Nathan Peterman. We're going to get some native Peterman man. Also, training camp fights are big time back in all the NFL. This is right when teams are ready to go because they, you know, either camp's about to break or just broke. Kyle Long, recurring guest, friend of the program who we have his back. No matter what, he took a helmet off and started bashing someone.

So, and then that's fair. So, but we, we totally with the helmet. Yeah. We think that's a cool move. That's what anyone else. That is the Kyle Long hat trick right there. Yes. Wrong.

But Kyle, dude, that probably looks really sweet. It did. Yeah. And then Mike Rable got into the middle of a fight, I think against the Patriots. So Mike Rable was obviously just trying to instigate a fight so he could get in there and break it up. I mean, we've told this story, but when we saw Coach Rable at the combine two years ago, he came up to us and he slapped my back so hard that I think I swallowed my own

tongue. So I think he just like when he gets to the facility every morning, he's just coming up to guys and like, let's go and just smack in guys and he's the human body creates contact is Mike Rable. It is. Yeah. And he's always rocking that, that sweater vest thing, which makes him look even more Jack than he is.

He's intimidating. I think he just wanted, he was challenging Bill Belichick to step in and break up the fight to try to do just like an alpha. Could you imagine? No, Belichick would kill Mike Vrabel, Mike Vrabel. Yes. Okay. Mike's like a master always beats the sensei.

Hold on. Mike Vrabel verse Bill Belichick steel cage match Ernie Adams on Bill Belichick's side. He has a knife. I was going to say Ernie Adams poisons Vrabel's food before who wins Ernie Adams with a knife. You know what? Bill Belichick is the type of guy that has like one move that he like hits your

neck and you just die. Yeah, the kill Bill. Yeah. Five finger point or whatever it is. Yeah. He's the old kung fu master that can still catch a fly with chopsticks and the young guy that's all jacked up, can't do it. I, yeah, I would agree with that.

I also think that if Ernie Adams was involved, he would know about a food allergy that Mike Vrabel didn't even know that he had yet. True. Maybe like shake his hand with some peanut dust on it. Here's this. Make this. Yeah. Yeah.

That's true. Okay. So that would be a match. Bring back celebrity death match. Yes, please. All right. Before we do, oh no, we have to talk a little. We actually have two more things we're going to do before we get to our

firefest. First thoughts and prayers to Boogie cousins actually sucks. That does look like I actually feel bad for Boogie cousins. Tours ACL. He is the flip side of we always love when a guy bets on himself. He's the flip side of that because not only did he take a one year contract with the Warriors, they didn't win a ring. He then takes another one year contract with the Lakers, tears ACL.

He could have probably made a ton of money if he doesn't tears Achilles with the Pelicans. Yeah. Two years ago. So that sucks. It does suck. It's tough because Boogie is a pretty likable guy. Yeah.

I like him like he plays with a lot of passion. He's got a big ass. Bad attitude sometimes. But that's fine. I like the bad attitude. Yeah. I'm trying to figure out a way and maybe you guys can help me out with this. It's got to be LeBron's fault somehow.

Got to try. I'm trying to think how it possibly could be LeBron's fault. Maybe it's all the chalk that he throws around. Maybe it created a slippery floor environment. That's true. Were they on the same floor? Yeah. I have to assume that they were have to practice.

But LeBron's shooting his movie. I don't think he even shows up to practice. Oh, so maybe. OK. So Boogie not having a good competition against him made him kind of let let his guard down a little bit. Did you guys see too that LeBron needs a body double for the basketball scenes in Space Jam?

Really? Show his dick. Because yeah, he definitely needs a stunt cut. People forget that LeBron showed his dick for the whole country. Not as impressive as one might think. The good news though. Still like nine times bigger than mine. The good news.

Small dicks are back. Oh, that's true. Small dicks are back. Shout out to me and all the other small dick guys. But dad bods and small dicks. It's our decade. Why? What do you mean?

Why? Vice decided it. Vice said, yeah, come on. Generation Z declared some writer with a small dick at Vice determined to write a think piece about why small dicks are actually good. That's all you need though. Yeah, that's all you need. Look, hey, less distance for the sperm to travel.

Big dicks are such a show off move. Like you get hurt. All kinds of things that go wrong. Yeah. People with big dicks die earlier too. Yeah, you can get them trapped in like the end of an escalator. You trip on itself. Uh-huh.

When you go fishing, you could get it caught by accident. You could be in porn and just get paid a lot of money to just be in porn. No, actually, there's actually not a lot of money in porn. That's true. You could break your hand. You could break your hand by getting too many high fives from people in the locker room. Yeah, exactly. It sucks.

Yeah, if you have a big dick, you have to be the big dick joke guy. That's a lot of pressure. Yeah, that's a lot of pressure. So the good news, the silver lining of Boogie's injury, roster spot for Mellow. Yep. Roster spot for Mellow. And at this point, I think Mellow is probably the same size as Boogie. So you don't see him just play him at center.

Yeah, you could. You could definitely do that. Stretch center, stretch five. What about Gilbert Arenas? No one's tossed that name out. I know he lives in LA. I wonder why no one's tossed that name out. Yeah, no one's really thought about age and zero in a while.

But seriously, Mellow. Mellow, come on. Just do it. Mellow. Just fucking do it. Do it for the people. The other news we had Conor McGregor punched a guy, but not in an octagon again. And it was an old guy.

Yeah, he was probably like 70 years old. He didn't want to drink Conor McGregor's whiskey. So McGregor went into this bar. I presume is an Ireland. Yeah, feels like an Irish move. Yep. And he put down a bar. Yeah, drinking in a bar.

Excuse me, a total Irish move pub. And he put down a cup in front like five people to give them a shot of whiskey. The old man pushed it away. He put another cup in front of the old man, pushed it away again. And then Conor hit him with a left hook and the dude just chewed it and just sat there and kept going on with his day. Conor's got no power. No power anymore.

No power. It's good advertising for proper 12, though, because it's like if you don't drink this whiskey, Conor McGregor might knock you out. He might show up and punch you in the face. That's as good an excuse as any to drink proper 12. Actually, if they want it, if Conor wants to get out of this, they just need to make that viral ad. He just goes around to bars and punches people and be like, look, it was all part

we were filming an ad. Sorry, we forgot to get a release from this guy. Yeah, every time you go into a bar and you order Jameson, you're putting your life in jeopardy. That's actually a good strat. Or maybe maybe he could spin it like the guy called him Chris. And that's that's like saying the N word in Ireland. Yes.

And so you're allowed to fight somebody after that. The crazy part about Conor McGregor, I feel like everything, every bad news that comes out about him happened three months ago. So this happened in April. Uh huh. Conor McGregor must just be like, what do you got on your schedule, Conor? Oh, well, this video is probably going to come out. This news is going to come out.

I did this back in October. So that's got to come out. Yeah, he's got a calendar of scandals that are going to like make the press. You know what he must do? He's done something about this right now. The next Conor McGregor story that breaks that's a scandal has already happened. Yeah, it's probably happening right now. As we speak, no, that's that's December scandal.

Conor, don't do it. I'm trying to help you out right now. If you're listening, go home, stay by yourself. Yeah, he's got he's got a full schedule ahead of him for sure. Conor, I don't know. I don't know what he's up to. Just like if he's not fighting somebody, if he's not actively engaged in a boxing match or the lead up to a boxing match.

And that that noise that you hear right now. Here we go is another fire truck. And Pete said that these windows will be fixed by wind by today. Today. Guess what? They didn't get fixed. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to fucking I'm so mad. I'm going to give Pete a hundred maddened coats.

All this is just tweeted him. Oh, shit. Actually, I saw somebody tweet him today, but didn't have a message. It was just at all business, Pete. Just do that. No message. Yes, at all. Yes, at all business, Pete, tweet. Or just press enter a bunch of times and write one letter.

Yeah. Yeah. Fill up his fucking timeline. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Like just dot, dot, dot, dot all the way down so he can't. Yes, do that. Oh, we will retweet that if you do that. Yes. So what was my try and thought? Oh, yeah, it was if Conor McGregor doesn't have a real fight that he's training for.

If he's not going to box somebody or he's not going to have a UFC fight, he just he can't go out places because he's got all that aggression that he has to get out. He just needs to stay home. Yes, put him in a padded cell, stay home and just chill out. Make sure the guards check on him all the time, though, all the time, all the time. All right, let's get to our firefest before we do that. Barstoolgold.com slash PMT Barstoolgold.com slash PMT.

You can watch every single interview we do, every single episode we do. You can watch it right now on Barstoolgold.com slash PMT. Firefest of the week, Hank, start. Go ahead, Hank. OK, so as I've talked about in some of my past firefests, I moved a couple of weeks ago, but before I moved, I dropped off a huge bag of laundry at the laundromat down the street from my house and I haven't got around to picking it up yet.

But it's got, you know, it's like my A list of clothes. It's like my and so I've been in my new apartment, like just putting together outfits. Like, fuck, I need to get that bag, that big bag. Yesterday, I had some time. It was like nine o'clock, the place I thought closed 11. So I was like, fuck it, got on the train. Probably took me 45 minutes. I got there every the hours of operation for this laundromat are

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, 11 to 11. And on Wednesday, it's open 11 till 7 p.m. And it took. And so it's just like I've wasted like two hours for no reason. And now it's like, am I going to go back this weekend? Probably not. Am I going to go next week? Hopefully. But it's like that. That bag of clothes, it could just be gone.

At what point do they just get to keep it? I'm it's getting close. It's been like two and a half weeks. Yeah, they got it. They got to start auctioning that stuff off. I feel like it's theirs right now. Yes, they absolutely have. It was anything really great that you needed.

Yeah, well, it's like it's like expensive clothes. No, but I mean, you know, the I mean, big guy, you wear five shirts every single day. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, imagine if you imagine if you just said you didn't have the expensive, whoa, that was really uncalled for. I'm just saying, you know, it doesn't matter about expenses about clothes you like. There are a bunch of shirts that Hank has from colleges that he's never like been to. You could have just said that. I've been to a lot of colleges, BFA.

When you got your t-shirts, you have a very random assortment of college shirts. I've been to a random assortment of colleges. Yes, you have, which is like you've been everywhere, man. So what's the solution? You're just going to I think you need to. I mean, probably next week, maybe, but it's like. Realistically, am I going to spend two hours on the weekend to take the train back to Brooklyn or whatever?

Like maybe. Can you just hire somebody? Yeah, have someone go get them. Someone's sliding to Hank's DMs will get his clothes that that seems get the guy from Silicon Valley to go over there and be like, Hey, I'm Hank Lockwood. You have my clothes. Do it. Come on, someone, someone will help you out. My other fire festival week, all of this is kind of like I feel like it's it's kind

of basic complaining about this, but there's been no snacks at this office all week. What has been going on with that is they're upstairs. They're hoarding them upstairs. Really? The business people. Yeah. Damn. Sometimes it's like if there's no snacks one day, like, all right, next day, it's going to be stacked. Yeah. And every single day this week, I've been like, what the fuck? That's that's what's going on.

It's upstairs. They've got like a little squirrel's nest up there that they hide them under. Fuck. Damn, we need more snacks. Mm hmm. Breaking moves. Breaking moves. All right. I just got a text. I got a text from Jared Goff.

We have to call him right now. We have to call him right now. This breaking moves is brought to you by Chalkham. Look for real recovery. That tastes real good. What's up? OK, we have some breaking news. We have our special LA Rams insider, the best reporter in the building. It is Jared Goff. Jared.

What did Blake do? Like, shaved his head. Shaved it. So not just not just cut. How short is it? It's it's it's like a baby peach fuzz right now. Oh, my God. What he looks like. He looks like a young Jason Statham.

Oh, I like that's a great spin zone. That's a great look for him. What's the transporter? It is. It was I think he was he was getting a little little hard time from some of the guys yesterday and took it upon himself to get rid of it. I love that shit. He's like he's like if the transporter didn't actually drive his own car. Yeah, just had automatic going for it.

What now, Jared, how much of great? He looks great. Oh, I'm sure he looks. He listen, we gave him a hard time. We love Blake. He always looks great. He's a great looking guy. Looks great. But how much do you think that promo on whenever your game was Saturday night played into it, where he had to do a ball flipping promo without a hat on and everyone was like, ooh.

You know, I won't I won't speak for Blake there, but there's been there's been some talk around the building almost every day about it. And now did he give you a warning or did he do it in the building or did you show up one day? Boom. Blake, you said he sent us a picture last night. Just bold. Oh, my God, we have to see that picture. You got to have to take that picture. You're going to have to text that picture.

I feel I feel like I shouldn't be doing this. This should be Blake. I feel like I've been coerced into this. Blake should be breaking this news. He'll send you the picture. I'm sure. Well, all right. So we should explain the reason why we're talking to Jared and not Blake. Blake is on currently on a plane to Hawaii for the Rams preseason game.

I texted Blake. He responded on the plane and he just responded with a Joe Rogan gif. When I said Blake question mark and it was just the Joe Rogan gif with his shaved head. I this is I mean, this is the biggest news I think that's ever happened. Yeah, huge NFL news. Well, I'm glad to be the one breaking it. But I think Blake has a lot more information on this than I would. But he does look like Joe Rogan.

OK, OK, do you know what he did with his hair? Did he donate it to locks of love? There's not much still. Yeah, you know, I don't know how much that would have done. He you know what he could have donated to somebody like me, who's face bald. We made great facial hair. You put that on your on your cheek. So it would look good. Yeah.

Yeah. Damn. Again, it might not. It's really not much. OK. But still, this is a huge news. And I mean, we're going to try to get Blake on maybe early next week because he's on the plane. But what would you say 0 to 10? How would you rate him now as a as a good looking dude?

He's a 10 out of 10 bald guy right now. Yeah. Oh, you said the B word too. So is it it's official like you think he's going to beck at any point coming up? I again, this is some big news for me to be the one breaking. I don't want to put any words in his mouth because it can still grow back. But he is he is down to a down to a shred right now. OK. Is he going to grow the stubble? Because that's a good look with a stubble and then the shaved head.

Yeah, it looks great. I'm telling you, it looks really good. Oh, man. Damn. All right. Well, how's camp going? I guess we should ask you one question. Can't swing great. All right. OK, great. Sounds sounds great. Did you watch yourself on hard knocks? No. Oh, well,

member Jared hasn't had luck on hard knocks. So that's the whole sun thing. I'm not I'm not too I'm not too fond of hard knocks. PTSD, post-traumatic sunrise disorder. Oh, man. That's enough for me. All right, Jared, thanks so much. Breaking news from our era, L.A. Ram Insider. Appreciate it, man.

Thanks, Jared. No problem, guys. All right. Yeah. OK, that was some crazy breaking news. I bet Blake looks awesome. I mean, you have to get a glow up if you're going to Hawaii in the first place. I'm happy for him. Legitimately happy for him. You know what? Be comfortable in your own skin, Blake. Yes. And this has been a long time coming.

And it really has. So I can't wait. Hopefully we'll get him on next week. We'll do maybe a Wikipedia of baldness. Yeah. And just figure it out. Because he's love that is a new. Well, he's embraced it as Scott van Pelt says he went home. He came home. Yes. PFT, what's your fire?

Fast, my my fire. Fast of the week is the fact that it is fantasy football season. And that means that I am stuck in quite the text thread of everybody else in my league. Oh, yeah. And not only are is everybody just like replying with small little jokes, but they're also huge on the emphasizing things, the laughing at things, those extra buttons, OK, serve no extra purpose. And I fucking hate those extra buttons because they fill up my phone notifications

and I would rather be using a Samsung Galaxy on an airplane than have to look at one more of those fucking things. All right. So let's let's let's talk about these notifications because I think everyone does them or everyone's in a text group that has people doing the ha ha, the heart, the exclamation point. I agree with you, they're annoying, but they also do serve a purpose when you just don't want to say anything. Yeah, if you're on a group text and someone sends a picture

and you're like, I don't want to say anything, but I want everyone to know that I've acknowledged this and I'm not being rude. I'll throw the exclamation, I'll throw a heart. They're great for the person that's using them and they're awful for everybody else, especially if it's on a group thread. Right. Yeah, it's it's tough. It's draining my battery. It's it's buzzing my pocket.

Absolutely nonstop with them. I don't I don't want to say that the person who invented that should die. But the person I already did, the person that invented it should have to go live in Brazil for the rest of their lives. OK, got it. Got it. Did it? When did it? When did that come? That's new, though. But Steve Jobs, probably.

He probably. Yeah, he invented it. It's something there in Brazilia. It's something that's been in the rain force. It was in his brain for a really long time. My other Firefest the week is Leroy has diarrhea. Oh, shit. Yeah. I had he's not always making it all the way outside. So that sucks.

Yeah, I had a similar situation on Saturday night. You had diarrhea. No, you didn't make my my my son slept through the night for the first time ever. Of course, Stella had diarrhea. I was up every single hour that night. Yeah, she knew it was perfect. It was the world's collided. It was the perfect night.

Stella was like, I need some attention at this point. So I'm just going to crap on the floor. Yeah, that'll make them come out and play with me. It sucked. It's always tough when your dogs got the squirts. I actually think spend zone for Leroy. He got scooped wrong earlier this week. He's doing that to try to deflect from the fact that, you know, he missed a scoop because he can't be mad at somebody.

He knows the ultimate he's literally sick to his stomach for getting something wrong. Exactly. Yeah, that's that's a great dog. He's committed. All right. My Firefest is I lost in the AFC Championship game in my Madden face of the franchise. That sucks. Yeah, it sucks. You're lucky you though, right? The Eagles of Madden. I got drafted by the Broncos.

John Elway loved my size and I lost to the Browns, who had a home playoff game AFC Championship. They're 14 and two. OK, I usually reset, but I played so poorly. I was disgusted with myself. I didn't reset the console. I just ate that loss knowing that the second year will be even sweeter. When I hit that, I'm going to demand a trade first. But wherever I land, I'm going to win the Super Bowl with that.

I love that feature. You get on like the local sports talk radio in Madden and then you complain about something and then you demand a trade. It's so nice to simulate. I'm definitely going to do that. How many minute quarters do you do for that? Six. Really? Yeah. And I should say the first round I did reset the the Xbox twice when I was down to the Colts.

Couldn't lose the Colts in the first round. No, you can't. No, absolutely. I had to had to cheat my way to the AFC. You have to give something to build on that point. You learn more from a loss than you do for a win. Right. And so you'll be you'll be great next season. I, you know, just put put in the work this off season. Yeah, the world has not heard the last of Clyde Titanius. That's my guy. Yeah.

You might want to change that. Well, I mean, that's a pretty good name. Clyde. It's with a K. Some would beg to differ. Why? By the way, Landry Jones was in the news this week and Landry Jones is such a sick quarterback name. He is. He is. He's he's XFL, right? Yeah, him and Colt McCoy, when those two were playing against each other in college.

It's like that. Those are two fucking quarterbacks. Yes, I agree. All right. Let's do our Mount Rushmore before we do that. It's football season. That means it's NFL Sunday ticket season for over 20 years. Direct TV has been the exclusive home to NFL Sunday ticket. The only way to get every live game every Sunday and good news. NFL fans, Direct TV has expanded the service.

If you live in an apartment or area where Direct TV service is not available, you can now get NFL Sunday ticket without a satellite to see if you are eligible. Go online to NFL Sunday ticket dot TV and stream every NFL Sunday ticket game this season to follow your favorite team, no matter where you live. Use promo code Barstool 19 at checkout to save 15 percent. And the package is also available for football fans living in areas where Direct TV service is not available. Watch every out of market NFL game every Sunday afternoon live on your favorite devices.

You can do Xbox one PlayStation for Apple TV, Roku, Chromecast, Samsung, all that. I actually watch it on my Xbox one. Go to NFL Sunday ticket dot TV right now. NFL Sunday ticket dot TV. OK, use promo code Barstool 19, promo code Barstool 19, check out, save 15 percent. OK, let's do our Mount Rushmore. We're doing Mount Rushmore of ages. Who's up first?

Oh, I am. This is big cat. Yeah. And then I'm second, right? Yep. OK, cool. You ready? Yeah. OK. I'll start with twenty one, twenty one. You can drink. Everyone's excited. Everyone had a fake idea in college. But when you turn twenty one, that first time you walk in the bar and you're like,

yep, that's really me. There's no thrill like that. It's pretty sick. Yeah, I like twenty one. I'm going to go with eighteen. Who is eighteen? You're graduating from high school. Yeah, you probably have a fake idea at the very least. You have somebody in your friend group that has a fake idea. Correct. And I would actually say that buying

alcohol underage is more thrilling than buying alcohol when you're twenty one. Shoulder tapping. No, no, but hold on, hold on, hold on. It just hits different when you're under twenty one. I agree with you the first month, though, when you're actually twenty one is like thrilling to walk around and just buy shit and be like, yes, like you want people to card you. Yeah. You know that feeling when you're like, yo, card me, do it, ask me, OK, carry me.

Counterpoint when you're eighteen, you still have turning twenty one to look forward to. That's still an exciting thing in your future. All right. Hank, you got two. I'm going to go with nineteen for the first one. Probably been through a year college. You're like you're drinking a lot. You're having fun with your friends. You're comfortable. It's not like you know, freshman year awkwardness or whatever.

You're winning the World Cup for France. And you can go as hard as you want and losing games for the Celtics. Yeah. And if you fuck up like anyone can fuck up at nineteen and they're still like you can have a second chance. Yeah. You can fuck them back. Oh, well, he was nineteen. So it's like we can get past that. So it's like you basically have a get out of jail free card.

What age would you say you can fuck up and be like, well, he's still a kid. I think that stops to thirty two, thirty four. Hopefully. I mean, I use that all the time. It's like I'm just a little four baby boy. Yeah, like, hey, I'm just a kid. I haven't learned probably the worst age. I think Blink one and two got it right. Twenty three. Yeah.

You're out of college, but you should have had a job for like a year and a half. Right. You can't use youth as an excuse anymore. It's true. All right. Hank, your second age, 12. Oh, good one. Your body and your mind are still pure. All you care about is like sports. You're not worried about girls or drama. You don't really know what's going on in the world. You just care about like the sports that you play.

Well, obviously, I mean, you care about girls, but it's not like, I don't know. You're not getting late when you're unless you're a PFT. You're not getting like, I didn't say anything about that. I actually had this written down, too, because it's also the year that you're the oldest kid in Little League. Yes. That's that's that's a great year. There was actually a year when I was 12 for whatever reason, like the cutoff was in September and then whatever reason when I was 12,

they moved the cutoff back to May. So I had a year when I was 13 on the Little Diamond and I was like the same size dimensions as I was. Oh, you fucker. It was the greatest year in my life. That's that's like three perfect games. I had like 20 runs and then my Daniel Monte, my fucking dad, when let me play summer league, like go to Williamsport

because he said it was unfair. What? Yes. Otherwise, you would have won the Little League World Series. Probably. You should have told us this when your dad was here. Yeah, I mean, I just remember it. That's it. I would have fought him. I still I'm still better about it.

I am too. Now I don't like that. I'm also first time. I'll show you my team picture to layers. I'm literally six feet tall and like with your read. Yeah. Worst age 34. When I found out that Hank could have gone to Williams. Yeah, Jesus. Come on, Hank. Fuck. That would have been so sick.

All right. Also, when you're 12, you don't know that you're short yet. You still think like, hey, I'm kind of average size. Maybe my growth spurts coming. Yeah, not relatable. It's very relatable. Everybody will say it's relatable. My next I'm going to go eight.

Oh, eight. When you're eight, you love cartoons. Yeah. They're on all the time. There's a special channel that you can just turn to watch cartoons. You think you know everything about every sport that you're watching. Everything's exciting when you're eight. OK, every single little thing that you see is new. It's fun. You have zero responsibility.

Yeah. And I mean, zero responsibility. You can still get away with pooping yourself if you have to every now and again. Like once a year, it's not a big deal. If you know, I think that's OK. Well, no, actually, I think that's I actually agree with Hank. I don't think you can put yourself in here. You I mean, that's right when kids start remembering. Not intentionally.

You get a nickname that will stick forever. Correct. You still think that you can't poop yourself from like six to twenty two. Yeah, I definitely pooped myself at least once when I was six. Yeah, of course. But I'm saying once you maybe seven grade. Yeah. Once you get to where kids can remember and give nicknames, you can't risk recess kicks ass to eight pooping yourself. Yeah, that's PFT. I like it. I like I like I was here for you.

I like the age of eight. I'm not saying I pooped myself. I'm so you're definitely not if you had pooped yourself on the playground. You underneath the monkey bars. Yeah, I was winners class. All right, I'll go with twenty five. Peak strength, that is, the human body is at your peak strength. You are a couple of years out of college, but you're still young. Is that scientific? Yes, it's scientific fact.

We were in your twenty five. That's why B. Why you always fucking wins games. They stink, but they're all twenty five. I can't tell you. I thought it was because they were dead serious. Twenty five is is your is your peak strength and you're a few years. Hank, look it up. It is. I trust you swear to God. Your few years out of college,

you probably have a little bit of a secure income, but you're also young enough where your likes can still be a fuckhead all the time. So a little bit of half brain situation and you can run a beach house. Yes, and a car and a car and a car. Yeah, get that convertible. There's a huge moment. All right, I'll go for my third. I'll go with ten because it's awesome when you can do both hands and you're just like, boom, ten. I'm this many.

I'm this many. I'm this many. Five and five, baby. That's huge. And you also just feel like that's a big moment when you go from nine to ten. Yeah. Like, all right, cool. Two candles on the cake. Yeah, two candles. You can you can start, you know, usually you can maybe go on the ten foot hoop, that kind of stuff.

You kind of graduate to like playing some real sports, like organized sports, the little more T-ball, little league becomes real. All those things are fun, but you still have that youthful, you know, energy. And you play T-ball when you're nine, Hank. Nice. You ever think about when you're like a kid as coach pitch looking back ten and eleven or no, eleven, twelve, yeah. But like ten is right when you're starting to get serious.

The kids are pitching kids are pitching in your ten. Yeah. When you think about like being a little kid, like being a little kid is basically just being on acid because you just walk around and everything is cool imaginations. Exactly. Yeah. Ball is life. Even better on your eight. Yeah. Oh, but when you're ten,

that is the first taste you get in life at looking down on people. Yeah, probably riding your bike with no training wheels. Yeah, you might be going to a camp, maybe probably not sleepaway camp, but maybe if you're kind of a badass, you know, if you prove you can handle it. Yeah, right. If you do your chores, you cannot cry for a week straight. Uh-huh. Right. You still believe in Santa? Yeah. By the way, it's real. Santa's real if your kids are in the car.

Yeah, you're right in that good spot. All right. PFT, your last one. My last one, I'm going to go with I'm going to go with 70. Good one. Getting nice and old. But like it's right at that point. Is that when the APR hits or whatever? I think that's 65. 65, yeah. So actually, I'm going to go back to 65.

Thanks, Hank. My hand wasn't off the piece yet. So, yeah, when you're 65, you get the retirement benefits, hitting you're in the golden age of your life, hopefully retired. And it's your first taste of just like not giving a fuck anymore. OK, kids might be out of the house. OK. Yeah. Pretty good. Just go golf all day. Yeah, you don't like golf, but I would if I was 65. You think you're going to start liking golf?

I think I'm going to have to. I think those are the rules like I'm going to be lonely if I don't play golf. I don't think I'm ever going to like golf. I'm probably not going to get to 65, but that's fine. Hank, your last two last two. I will go with twenty three, which is the worst days. Where you're starting to already sit on our compass and us. Yeah, but I don't think so. OK, great. Go off.

And I'm going to go for four. OK, it's the last year. It's the last year before you're stuck on a school every single day or life. You're just playing all day every day, though. No, but it is. Do the monotony of waking up five days a week and having to deal with teachers and, you know, structured classrooms. It's not great for everyone.

I feel like school when you're four. All you have to do is play play games, watch teletubbies and just chill. You get snack. Yeah. Yeah, it's great. Yeah, I agree with that. I think that that is your last year of complete and total freedom in your life. Yeah, you're four. Correct. Peter, man, by the way, just got a nice first down. Of course, he did. Beautiful.

It's your last pick. My last pick is going to be so you already took 20. I'm going to 34. Oh, I feel pretty good right now. Our age. Everything's great. Everything's gooch when you're 34 for me. OK, except for the minor missteps like your dog having diarrhea. Yes, that does my weekly fire sauce and you lose money gambling on sports. And then there's like six months where there's no football on TV

and you get upset about that. Besides that, being 34 is fucking awesome. It is awesome. OK, my last pick. You're 23. Like you're independent. Like you probably had to move home or you're still like that. You know, most people moved on to have to move home after college. And then they're like, you don't have any money.

Then you can go out on your own, but that's your fun. It's like you're you're out living on your own. You're experiencing life in a new way. Yeah. Also, it's your first taste of adulthood. Hank, your 23 experiences vastly different. No, I'm trying to talk from the most of the normal like people that I'm from a college person's perspective. My last pick, I'm going to go with 100

because if you get to 100, people fucking like think you walk on water. They think you're Jesus. They're like, this is incredible. You are 100 years old. Everyone throws you fucking parties. You're probably getting your local newspaper. Guy turns 100 and men don't usually turn 100. Yeah, especially tall guys like myself.

So 100 would be pretty awesome. I might have to be 100 anyways. And you can like if you're 100, people will just laugh at everything you say, no matter what. Yeah, it's a joke because they're like, we got. He's alive. Yeah. Right. You should we should start a podcast with somebody that's 100 because everybody would have to laugh at a single word. Seriously, if you've ever been around someone who's 100,

everyone's just in awe that they're alive. And they're just this is so sick that you're still here. And like, oh, my God, what was it like 100 years ago? Yeah. You remember the Titanic? They bet you they guess that you have all these like nice secrets and stories and like, hey, what's the trick to learning to be 100? Yeah. And then you always get that one old person on the news that's like bourbon and chocolate. Yeah. And then that vodka every day.

That's like a week's worth of content for the local news right there. You can go viral at 100 for just existing. Yeah, that's pretty sweet. Opening your mouth and probably someone wipes your ass. You can shit yourself. Yeah. All the time. We probably don't have to walk everywhere. Somebody pushes you around. Yeah.

Do we miss any? I was going to throw in Jurassic Age, but I thought that was cheating. Yeah. You know, I thought about doing something like the Bronze Age. Yeah. But that was the ice age. I actually think 30 is awesome, too, because you become young again. The ice you dread 29. And then when you turn 30, you're like, you know what, it's not that bad. I was the same way when I was 29.

I spent my whole year being like, fuck, I'm almost 30. I'm almost old. By the time I got there, I was like, this isn't so bad. Yeah. And you're young again, because people who are 38 are old. And now you're 30. You're like, I'm never going to get there. By the way, mid 30s doesn't start until you're 35. So we're 37. We're still in our early 30s. Early 30s for us. Yeah. Hank, are you 25?

26. Oh, that's why you were upset because you missed your peak physically. No, I haven't. I don't know how it makes physical peak. I was wondering why you did play in the world. Yeah, you you you just walked right past your physical peak. No, you didn't do anything last year that was impressive physically. Well, I was in that fight the year before. So I was like, I had to take some time off.

Yes. So it's 24. So imagine if you fought when you were 25, you could have gone all the way. I know. You could have been a champion. Any others? I mean, I don't know. Twenty seven is pretty sweet, too. Although that's actually when you start to get like next year. Hank's going to get his quarter life crisis.

It's going to be awesome to watch. Yeah. What do you do when you get your quarter life crisis? Start a fantasy football podcast. There you go. Yeah. You should do that, Hank. You should. Good idea. Fancy football factory. That's a good that you just come over there and Hank Lockwood. Hammer and Hammer and Hank Lockwood would be his co-host.

So Rone, Rone, Rone, Rone. That's a great idea. OK. Can we get credit for that idea? Yeah, we're producers. Yes, you guys can be executive producers. And that podcast happened. Do I have to be an executive producer as my title? Hank, what maybe like the vice president of football.

Can you be a head fluffer? What is that? We just get everyone excited about Fancy. What is it for you? Like, you're like, hey, leave me on Bell in the third round. Oh, yeah. No, I can do that. Antonio Brown is six round sleeper. Like, you get everyone just super fucking horned up.

I'm great. I'm great at getting people all lubricated and vastly disappointing them. Yeah, I'll be head grip. I've always wanted to. I always wonder what the fuck that guy. Best boy. Best boy in grip. What do they do? I always just assume they hold the light. It's like a lighting ship, but it's not the actual.

You hold. I see it very literally. They're just gripping. I think you put sandbags on camera stands. I think that's exactly right. That's exactly right. All right, let's go do Tofer Grace before we do that. A word from our sponsor, Bud Light. You guys know it.

It's the best beer out there. Summertime. We only got a couple weeks left, but it is hot still. And that means it's a bad, bad day to be a Bud Light. It's time to break out your favorite Hawaiian shirt and stock the coolers with some crisp, refreshing Bud Lights. Not only is it summertime, it's also Mount Rushmore season. Our Mount Rushmore summertime beers include Bud Light,

Bud Light Lime and Orange. Both brewed with real citrus peels and new for the summer, Bud Light Lemon Tea brewed with real lemon peels and tea leaves, but it's only here for a limited time. So get it before it's gone. Also, a little something for our award-winning listeners. Bud Light is giving you and a friend a chance to win the getaway of a lifetime.

This summer, you can win two tickets aboard a VIP cruise to the Bahamas, featuring a live performance by Jake Owen. And of course, plenty of Bud Light for a chance to win. Simply post your Bud Light summertime photos using the hashtag real enough to get away. And hashtag Bud Light contest on Facebook and Instagram. See budlight.com slash real enough to get away for more details now. And you have something for us, too.

Yeah, I want to talk to you guys about let go. Let go is the fastest growing online marketplace there is. You can buy and sell all your used stuff. It's a mobile marketplace. You can buy and sell locally. It's great if you're moving like Hank. It's great if you're downsizing, if you're moving in with somebody, if you're trying to get rid of some of your old stuff,

trying to make a little extra coin on the side. You can sell some of your old stuff, but you can also buy some really cool shit on there. I bought a Mike All-Star Jersey. It is really tying this room together. If I do say so myself. Yes, it is. I tore it down in the riot yesterday, but I put it back on. I unriated my Mike All-Star Jersey.

I love using Let Go. It's awesome. Check it out. Download it at letgo.com slash barstool. Tweet us. Tell us what you're going to do with the extra money that you're going to be making off Let Go. You can find designer brands on there. You can buy cars on there, sneakers. If you're like Bubba and your hype beast, go to Let Go.

Check it out. You're going to love it. I promise you. Download Let Go at letgo.com slash barstool. Tweet us and let us know what you're doing with the extra money that you're making off of Let Go. Quick add on Liam said 16 because you can drive. Oh, big miss. I didn't get my license. I was like 16. That's a good one.

Big miss for city kids. Just don't get that. That's a big miss. Good one. And now tow for grace. No. Ready, Hank? All right. Here we go. Oh, you want to throw those on? Do I have to? Yes. What do you do? Sound effects?

If you trust yourself, if you trust talking to a mic, you don't have to. But some people, they forget and they go over here. I have a podcast now. I know they do that. Is your hair right here? Right here. Is the hair thing? Could a guy like you?

I'm looking at your hair right now. This is let's start. This is OK. You look. I can swear on this. Yeah, fuck shit. Motherfucker. Bitch, take it down and out. Damn, fuck. You look great, dude.

Thank you. Your hair looks great. Thank you. What about this? You see this color? The green head of hair. You see this color? I don't like what I'm seeing over here. You don't like this?

The guest that you're hearing right now is Taufer. Intimidated? We take off the hat, dude. Let's see. Intimidated? You know him from that 70 show from a million movies. Dude, let's not talk about me when we're seeing this. And we just went right in.

We just raw dogged it in there. People are like, what's going on? We didn't even know the interview started. I'm looking at two of the most gorgeous heads of hair. That's true. It's a shame that we're in podcasting. By the way, I need to thank you before we really get going, because you got me out of jury duty.

So I dropped your name. Yeah, yeah. No, I dropped your name. Yesterday I was in jury duty, and they were going to pick me for the thing. And I said, can I talk to you personally? And I explained my job. And I explained I had Taufer Grace coming in.

And the guy said who? No, the lawyer said he should. I think he said I stopped listening. But he was like, he should have been in the new Spider Man or something. So I don't know. Sounds like a great lawyer. Yeah, that was a message.

I got me out of jury duty once. I went into, you know, you get like, what's that area you get held in, and then you get called? Jail, jail. Prison. You're like, maybe I'm going to be on a jury today. And then you get brought with 60 people, and they kind of whittled it down into jail.

So I was in that room, and they brought out this guy who was there on murder. And I was like, oh man, I'm not working right now. And this would be kind of cool to get a murder trial. And as an actor, it's like good research, maybe. 40 bucks a day? 40 bucks a day. Yeah, exactly.

So the guy comes out, and I know it's like innocent until proven guilty. This guy was guilty, no matter what. I could just tell from looking at him. Really big, guilty looking guy. And they said, everyone stand up. Do you swear to not judge him or whatever? Yeah, I said, sure.

And then as we sat down, he kind of looked at me and winked. He went like, big fan. And I was like, oh my god, I can't go on. I can't be on this trial. Like I'm actually going to. Because now you think he's innocent. Because imagine we voted him guilty, and then from the juror box, I was like, it wasn't me.

I love you. Don't hunt me down afterwards. Well, so you're Tover Grace, the murderers are your number one fans, would you say? Or how does that work? Yeah, I get a lot of love from the murderers. One out of one murderers that you've met have been a big fan of yours.

Not true, not true. Oh, you put us together. Funny story, funny story. It is impossible to be to like complete, because you do have to go in there and say, OK, I'm not going to judge anything. I was sitting in front of two lawyers. And one of the lawyers was this smooth talk

and Italian guy in a white suit. And I was like, I'm going to believe whatever he says. Because he's just selling it. Like he was like a used car sale. And I was like, this guy's awesome. So I don't know how anyone has a jury that's not. I think you do it more like, yeah, like American Idol or The Voice or something like that, where it's like,

who do you like the most in terms of presentation? Yeah, actually, everybody should just sit around in the jury pool. Yeah, and then you turn around. Yeah, perfect. You're innocent. We always talk on the show, like if you're going to be a lawyer, you have to have some look in the courtroom.

You have to have a look. Like, yeah, the white linen suit, that's one look. A cowboy hat. If I see a lawyer talking in a cowboy hat, I'm like, that guy knows what he's talking about. I'm like a little sailor outfit with like a little jaunty. Just like a sailor cap and you sing a little bit too. Yeah, like a gypsy suit with a bald guy.

No one's going to forget that lawyer, right? Hell no, hell no. All right, so it is Topher Grace. We did a terrible job of interviewing. Welcome to the show. By the way, I don't know how the fuck I'm on here. I am allergic to sports. I don't even watch them.

I mean, I'm just going to fool any, I mean, just going to surprise anyone. We've had terrible on the show before. But someone told me about your show and then I listened to it and then I said, oh, I want to do it. You're a celebrity abuser. Wait, so you listen to it even though you don't like sports? That's the highest comment we get.

Yeah, well, they told me about it and I have a friend who said, oh, it's really great. He's like one of your die-hards. Who's your friend, Brad Pitt? No, it's actually a producer of my podcast. And he said, if you're going to go on a podcast, that's the one to go on. So you can steal all our tricks.

Yeah, shut up. Yeah, so I'm just going to hear, take a note. Note number one, when you have a guest on, that might be more famous than you. Start out by nagging him. So my first question to you is, what's it like having the most lax bro name of all time? Lax bro?

Yeah, Lax Cross Guy. Topher Grace. What's up, Toph? Hey, Toph's out here. I did go to boarding school in New England. No, no, yeah, you think? We didn't even have to read your Wikipedia for that. Yeah, I wanted to.

What kind of lawyer was that? That's the closest. That's the closest to being in sports I am, is my nickname. Yeah. That's right. Do you think you'd have success if you were Chris? Because that is your name. Definitely not.

No, the only thing that has made me successful is my nickname, I'm positive. I mean, there's nothing to do with the acting. You think it was a tongue-in-cheek question, but I'm telling you, Topher Grace is different than Chris Grace. That's just a different vibe. Well, I went to boarding school in New Hampshire.

I actually went to two. I went to one in Massachusetts here. And the first day, the hottest girl in school said, you should go by Topher. I got him by Chris Grace, my whole life. And I thought it was a little bit, you know, I wanted to go by Christopher. No one would call me Christopher.

So I think I was joking around, like, oh, maybe I should go by Topher. And then just the hottest girl in the school said, this is eighth grade. She said, you should go by Topher. OK. Yeah, done. That was it.

And then, boom, your career's born. Do you send her any, like, residual checks? Is she getting a little taste of that? She's my wife. Oh. No, no, I'm just kidding. I don't know where she is. Well, you brought up residuals.

She's dead. I wrote this down. You brought up residuals. What's that residual check on that 70s show look like? How many zeros are you talking? You know, it's great. It's actually what allows me, in all honesty, to do, like, some of the projects I've been doing lately, you know,

you don't make a lot of money on. Because there are, like, the Spike Lee movie I did. Yeah. That, you know, when it came out, everyone was so excited about it. When you're starting to make a film like that, it's hard for them to even get the money to make that movie. So truly, I'm, like, more grateful.

I was just grateful to get that show. I'd never acted before that show. It was a weird thing. Someone saw me in a play at that boarding school. But, uh, yeah, that was my first, like, audition. But, and so I thought, like, I hit the lottery. But now I realize I really hit the lottery, because I, you know, everyone on that show,

we don't have to do anything unless we're, you know, we, like, I'm doing a black mirror right now. It's just because I love it. Right. Because I don't have to think about, you know, when I'm getting paid or anything. Yeah, you did have that as a flex. I saw that I was reading some stuff and you said,

I have, I have enough money from the 70s shows to do whatever I want. I don't think I said it like that. I think the guy who was writing the article did a headline. I'll pull up the quote, exactly. It says, I have so much fuck you money, fuck you, everyone. We read the headlines. Yeah.

It does, does it not say that? It does. Fact check me here. Tell me, Grace, I've got fuck you money. Guys, I got some good news. You're going to slide up into yourself, you little bitches. You know what I'm going to do whatever I want. And you can't tell me shit.

I fucking own it now. I bought it on the way in. That's fun. I own you guys, and this is my show now. So what's the deal? New format, more of a kind of a morning chat show. No sports. No sports.

Talk about board games. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So that's 70 shows. Can we talk about that 70 show? Is it annoying? That's, that's my first question.

No, no, no. Is it annoying when people talk about that 70 show? No, I love it. I, it was like, imagine if you, I'd only been in one or two high school plays, and then I went out to USC to go to college, and the girl who did the sets, her parents were producers. And, you know, I knew them as Lindsay's mom and dad.

And they said, you know, would you want to come try out for this show? And I thought, oh my God, like, could you imagine if I just went to an audition and, you know, got a television show? And then when I got it, it was very scary because I had no idea what I was doing. But what an amazing ride to be on something that you love as your first thing and to do it with a group of amazing

people. It was like, I love, I still love talking about it. Yeah. Yeah. It's very cool to watch a group of actors kind of grow together on a show. That's like, it kind of brings in the audience at home a little bit, and you feel like you're part of the team in,

like, a weird way as, as they're growing up. So that was in, that was set in what, 1976? Is that right? Started in 76. 76. So I did the math. That would be like, if somebody were to make a show right now, it would be the 1999 show, like the Millennium show,

which makes me feel old as shit. Dude, my mind is going to explode when, I'm trying to think, it started in 76 and we did it in 98. Then it would be, or a bad amount. Oh, it would be closer. Like, think about when it's 2020 or 2022. Yeah, 20, yeah. When it would be the same distance.

I remember thinking the 70s were so crazy and these bell bottoms, and that's how kids are going to think about 1998 in about one year. It would be like that 9-11 show in like three years, which would be a decidedly different approach to making a sitcom. Hard pass. Hard pass on that one. I want to get in real quick to Black Lansman, because I

thought that was one of the best. Also the 70s. Yeah, one of the best movies that I've seen in a long time in theaters. Is that true? Yeah, it was really good. I haven't seen it yet. It was very strong.

I'm trying, we're trying to neg you. Yeah. We can't, we can't. I can give you a compliment, and then he has to shut it down. I've never seen that movie. Yeah, fuck that movie. But it was good, and I thought it was interesting because it showed two very different forms of racism at the same time,

with some of the hillbillies that were the Klan guys. And then there was you, who was playing the polished racist. Which is kind of what's more prevalent today. David Duke, yeah. I think the movie was like how America has been, which is the first half of the movie is really focused on kind of that classic take on racism. And then the second half, like kind of what David Duke did

to America is what he does to that film. Which is when he got on the scene, he made it more palatable. Yeah. And Spike did an amazing job of kind of, yeah, showing what kind of the conventional ideas and then what grew into the present day version of it. So when you were playing David Duke,

just like an all time slimy guy, was that one of those things where you leave the set at the end of the day, and you just feel bad about yourself, like what you've been doing all day? Because like, I had imagined that'd be tough to separate the role from like, OK, now I'm off the clock, I can stop being an asshole. Well, look, I'm not normally one of the people who like brings

it home with them. Like I'm not a method actor. They're actors I worked with where they're like in character the whole time. And they're really fraught with the, you know, I've never had that before. Ashton Kutcher. He's the same guy.

Big time method actor. He's still the same guy. Huge. He might have a method. But like, but mostly it's, I'm never like that. Like I don't come home and bring it home with me. But that was the first time. I think because we shot all the clan stuff in one week.

And you know, in the film it's spread out. You'll see when you. Yes, I'm excited. Yeah. But you're excited to watch that part. To watch that part, yes. And be like, he brought this home with him. It was, it was, it's messed up.

I mean, it's really if you go to that much trouble like we did to really recreate that kind of stuff. And the research was heavy, you know, because it's just thinking about stuff you don't want to think about. And you're also watching the news today. I mean, at the time it was, I guess, Trump's first year in office.

And you're seeing how what happened in that time directly affected, I mean, literally, we started when Charlottesville was happening. That was really the whole thing was really heavy. But Spikes, the rest of the time on set was really fun because he and the movie has some have some levity to it. Yeah. There were times that that's a big time movie

where you're watching the theaters. And there are some times when you want to laugh because it's funny and you like look around. You're like, is it OK to laugh? Spike would say that when we went to like, we had the premiere in Brooklyn and it was amazing. He's like the king of Brooklyn. And you couldn't hear certain lines

because people were laughing over other lines. And then we went and showed it at the Academy in Los Angeles. It's like, does the Academy Awards? And it was like an all-white audience. And he said at the beginning, I was like, this guy's so smart. He goes, it's OK to laugh, guys. You're right. Like, white people, like, it's OK to laugh.

It's a comedy. And they were like, but still, they were like cautious. It's still amazing. Yeah, you're wiggling around in your seat in those parts of it. But I thought it was really, really good. I'm very excited now. That was a great promo, P.F.

Now can we talk about a movie that I don't like that you were in? Yeah, Interstellar. Interstellar. Traffic. What's up with other camera filters and traffic? You don't like traffic? Well, no, I love traffic. I actually love traffic.

I have plenty of movies that I fit or pad. Do you want to do it in a trailer? It's not one of them, man. I love traffic. Just how come you're in the scenes in Mexico. It's like dark yellow. And then in the United States, it's like dark blue. It's red, white, and blue, that movie.

All that stuff. There was yellow. There was yellow in Mexico. No, that's the red part, right? Did you have fun playing that role? Were you just like, you get to talk fast all the time, pretend you were on a coke? You know what it was when I got the role?

Boarding school. That I was methoded by coincidence, right? I, when I got the role on 70 Show, I thought it started to become a hit at that point. And I was like, it was like two years in. I was like, oh, I can, I still feel that way about playing David Duke or I kind of played like a Jack Dorsey type of character in Black Mirror.

I was like, I think I can do. I've amassed enough goodwill. That's what sitcom does. You know, when you think about like Richie Cunningham or Chandler, you know, it's like, it's hard to see these people as bad guys. So to play him, it really challenges the audiences. And I remember that was,

because we had to grow our hair out for 70 Show and that's the first one traffic that I cut my hair short for. And I didn't even like, people didn't even know I was in it. Like, I was at the Golden Globes and people were saying like, good job to the rest of the cast. And like, they didn't know I was in the film. And I was, at first I was bummed and then I realized,

oh no, this is good to have kind of two separate, but still, you know, I love doing Black Clansman and I just did a comedy that John Stuart's directing and it's much more of a comedy and I loved that. That's interesting that you think that like, the people are so attached to that 70 Show that you can play awful characters, awful people, and people will not hold it against you the same way.

Well, I worked with Ron Howard once and I was like, this guy, he's the greatest. And he is the greatest. He's the greatest human and the nicest guy, but also like, you know, he was Opie, he was Richie Cunningham, you know, like I just like, he's imbued with, you know, he walks in the room and you give him so much like, oh, this must be a nice guy.

I think it really messes with the audience in a fun way when, especially playing David Duke, people were like, how do I feel about this? So what about Interstellar? What about it? I didn't like it on the second watching. You liked it the first time? Yeah, I did.

I did. At the second watching, I was like this movie kind of thing. I think I've only seen it once. All right, so you're good now. All right, so don't watch it again. No, no, we're good. That's the Interstellar talk. Don't watch it the second time.

What happened to you the second time? I don't know. I thought it was kind of cheesy. I just, something happened. I love Christopher Nolan. I love the Christopher Nolan Batman's, but something about that, I don't know. But don't watch it the second time you're fine.

Explain to two idiots what exactly is Kans or Kans or whatever the fuck you call it? Okay, I didn't know until I went. Okay. Which was the first time I was here. So give it to us. Kans 101. Kans.

Kans 101. It's like a can of Coca-Cola. Yeah, be relatable to these dumbies. Yeah, you guys know a can of Coca-Cola, right? Like a can. Dumb it down a little bit more. Just like a can down the road. Can of Natty Light.

Yeah, yeah. Kans. Press. Yeah. That kind of thing. Right, exactly, yeah. Got it, got it. I never been.

I thought it was like really hoity-toity. I'd kind of see people over there. I'd say, what is the big deal? And then if you ever go to Kans, try to be one of the leads of a movie that has received that well. Okay, good tip. It was the most unbelievable.

It was what I thought Hollywood was gonna be like when I was a kid and I went to Planet Hollywood or like Disney World or something. I was like, oh, Hollywood's probably so much fun. And then you learn, sadly, it's a real grind. You know, it's a job. And then I went over there and I thought, no, this is it. It's like palm trees and tuxedos.

You're out on someone's yacht and that film. So no one knew that film was coming out. It was very, no one even knew I was playing David Duke in it. It was really a secret. And then when they showed it, it got a 10 minute standing ovation at the end. Holy shit. For me, like a one minute standing ovation is obnoxious.

Right. And a 10 minute, like people were throwing roses. The best part of the standing ovation is there's a camera on you at the end of the film. So you watch this film with 2,000 people and then up on the big screen, they have a camera on you. So boom, you see like Spike Lee's face. It's in the room you're in and everyone's cheering

throwing like bouquets. And then it went over to John David Washington. People are on their feet applauding. And then the camera went to me and the applause just kind of died down and just kind of quiet. And it went over to like Laura Harrier and people started screaming again. And I was like, okay, I think it's because I did a good job

but it might be because I did a bad job. You can't give a standing ovation to David Duke no matter what the circumstances are. Yeah, yeah, so I didn't know how to respond to it but I kind of, I thought that to me was my favorite. I bought the poster of the Cannes 2018. Yeah, yeah. No, it's not Cannes it is Cannes.

So it's as cool as everyone thinks it is. Cause it's one of those mysterious things to people who watch movies, people who enjoy media. You just think like, oh, all these people go to France. They dress in tuxedos. Leo pulls up on his yacht with like 20 girls. Yeah, they lightly kiss each other on the cheek and drink champagne and boom, hits get made.

By the way, I think it is the gamut. I think people have flops that get booed over there. That happens. Really? Yeah, well that's what was so scary when we were showing the film. They said sometimes people are booing, just sit through it.

I was like, oh my God, what is this going to be? But they love cinema. So they are really there. They're not there for some commercial reason. They're there because they want to see the movies. How do you get tickets to be in the audience at Cannes? That was, that's the only way I knew how to just be in a movie. It's going to be a movie?

I was lucky. There were only two American films that year and I happened to be in both of them. Just a weird quick, I shot them a year and a half apart but I happened to be in both of them. I got like a, if you had only known me then. So really the tip is to be in two movies at Cannes when you go out.

If you can try to swing it guys, try to be in the only two American films. Fuck. You only have never been to the south of France. That's pretty awesome. Damn. I think it could be really bad. There's also a real hustler kind of Vegas energy

going on at the same time where people are trying to get their films financed. So it really runs the gamut. I think there's like, I mean this year the ticket would have been once upon a time in Hollywood. That was the, you know, like one kind of emerges as the one. But I'm sure I'll never have that experience. I mean, if you talk to,

I mean, I've read interviews with Steven Spielberg and he said like, premiering E.T. at Cannes is still like his favorite Hollywood experience. That's awesome. I can't imagine where it's like trying to get an Airbnb in Cannes that week. It's like, you're basically fucked. You have to stay in Switzerland and make the commute down.

We should go sometime. Yeah, let's go to, let's be in a movie. Let me tell you something. From what I can tell the tone of the show, it is perfect for Cannes. Oh, we are? Yeah. That's what I thought.

What kind of movie do you think we can make to get into Cannes? We've got some ideas, but I don't know if they're like Art House enough. My tuxedo's like seven years old. One's called Boner Dogs. Yeah, wait, wait, stop. Hit me with these ideas, go. Oh, Boner Dogs.

I mean, we can pitch you with Boner Dogs, but it seems like it'd be too elevated. Pitch me now. You have me. Give me the elevator pitch. First question, do you know Adam Sandler? Have you ever worked with Adam Sandler? Adam and I are dying for something to do when we said,

if it could have to do with dogs, that would be great. Okay, good. I'm listening. It's about this dog that always has a boner, and it's got, he's like the leader of a pack of sled dogs, and they get lost. Can I ask you a question?

Yeah. Were you any further? Have we seen it before? No, we haven't. Okay, this is kind of a new concept. We've seen some, it's like a mix between Debbie Does Dallas and Snow Dogs. And Rudolph.

And Rudolph. Yeah, well, before we go any further, let me just say the dogs are voiced by Zac Efron. He's attached to it. Correct. Just to confirm that he would be in it. I heard his episode. Yeah.

Oh, there you go. Ice Cube is loosely attached. He's loosely attached. And the boner is what we're hoping for. Kevin James, Chris Farley, Chris Rock. Rob Schneider. Rob Schneider are all voices of the dogs. David Spade.

David Spade's the voice of the boner. And the dog gets lost in the wood. Yes, in the boner. And the only way that he can get back is by following the trail of his little red lipstick that's guided them out there in the snow. So it's like a Rudolph. I kind of got emotional at the end there.

It all came around. At first it was funny, and then it got so emotional that the dog got lost. It's a whole thing about don't boner shame and all that stuff. Kids will learn from this. Guys, I am one hundred percent. This is why you did that 70 shows.

So that you could finance the projects. Be the sugar daddy. I got another one for you. You ever see that movie, Roma? Yeah, I didn't. So, but someone told me that it started as the guy's life starts. Is that right?

So I was thinking we just make a movie where it starts where it's like three, two, one action. And then it goes through the whole person's life. And then comes back around. He's like three, two, one action. So it's a never ending movie. What? Is that how I did it?

That didn't make sense. What did I say the first time I did that? This is very confusing. Wait, wait, wait. I'm confused myself. Three, two, one action and the person is born? So it starts out with an old guy going three, two, one action and then it goes to a baby.

And then it's just a year long. I got it. No, it starts with the guy being like three, two, one action. And then it's a baby. And then it's the baby growing up to be a grown adult. And the grown adult becomes a director. And at the end of the movie, he's like,

okay, all the things that happened in this movie led me to this moment. Three, two, one action. Boom, back to a baby. But it's another, it's an actor baby. No, it's the same baby. It just keeps going loop, loop, loop. That doesn't make sense.

So if he's a director, what if it was a movie inside a movie inside a movie? He literally, he's born and he lives. And then you get to the end and he's like, now I'm at a point where I wanna do the movie of my life. So it starts all over. I got it. I got it.

I'm having a brain monsoon right now. And I'm going to top your idea and make it way better. This is free. Okay. If it's really good, we'll cut it from the podcast. So if you missed the whole thing, just bleeps. It was really good. Let this wash over you.

Okay. A guy, he says three, two, one action. It's a baby, grows up to be a director. He says three, two, one action. That baby grows up to be a director. Then he says three, two, one action. So it's another one at the end. Add another one.

You did, yeah. It's true. You cut your story off short. That's true. I wanted more. So that way, or you know what? I mean, I was going to pitch three, but I feel like I don't know if people would sit through that.

No, but the whole point of it is, three is self indulgence at that point. And the whole point of it is it's like an eight hour movie. And then we jack up the price for popcorn. So we just make all the movie money that we make is actually through the popcorn, back door. I gotta say, that idea, I am in no way touching. It's terrible.

I love Bone or Die. Okay, Bone or Die. That's fine. We're one part of that. Fine. I don't even watch you on Bone or Die. No, I'm done. Listen, I help with the Bone or I'm the fluffer for the Bone.

I've heard that you are getting real into remixing movies. Is that what you call it? Remixing? I don't know. We don't call it. I have to answer all these questions about it now, but it started as I gave bad notes on a film I was producing in editing.

Because as an actor, you're never in editing. And you don't know, you're going like, what took you so long in there? Like we just shot the whole thing. And I'm like, why don't you, you know, and then when I went into editing, I realized, oh my God, this is such a process that I bought an avid editing machine online.

And I learned how to cut, and the only way to cut with it is to get, you know, I cut something out of Atonement, if you remember that film? Yeah. It was really short, but it was like my idea. Is that Cure Nightly? Yeah, so in order to get enough footage to like make a movie out of a ton of footage,

I took that new Star Wars, the one that Natalie Portman's in, those three Star Wars movies, and I cut them into one. I mean, this is the nerdiest hobby ever. It's literally like, You sure you're not a sports guy? You've gone viral. You sure?

I'm adding scenes to Atonement. Yeah. No, no, you sure? No, that's the best reaction a little bit. That is, yeah, I'm not a sports guy. I don't know how to unwind. And it is nothing to do with my career. Like I don't want to edit anything I'm in,

but it really is relaxing to kind of shift. And it's like going in the garage and doing woodworking or something. And it does teach you a little bit about the job because it's like when a director takes an acting class to be a better director or something, you learn a little bit, but mostly, I don't know,

I just love, you know, you look at like The Hobbit, I did The Hobbit, and that should be one film. Do you guys watch The Hobbit? Yeah, no. It should be one film, right? Yeah, yeah. Wait, wait, The Hobbit, that was, no, I saw Lord of the Rings.

Yeah, I was gonna say Game of Thrones. Yeah. Dude, after your whole, what was that thing called? Breaking Bad. The director, life death, what's the name of the movie? The Neverending Movie. That was what it was called. Great title.

Parentheses. Parentheses. Buy as much popcorn as you can eat. Well, are you gonna be director? I could cut that down. I could cut everything down. No, I don't like directing. I would be bad at editing anything I'm in.

I just really like doing it as a, I mean, it's really nerdy, and it is as nerdy as it sounds. It's not, because honestly, to make the correlation to sports world, we have a guy in this office who breaks down film in the middle, football film in the middle of the summer. If you're a sports fan,

you probably have similar hobbies, whether it be fantasy or whatever. You want to get into it on a deeper level. I only do stuff that I'm kind of a fan of, and I just want to play around with it and have my own control over it, and it's really fun. You should remix every single Nick Cage movie together. You know what I'm thinking of doing is,

this is gonna be too boring. No, no, no, please, please, we'll tell you. Is putting all these 70s films together. So like, All the Presidents Man and Parallax View, and trying to make them all one dope 70s film, which would be kind of cool. That 70s movie. Yeah, that's the reason I won't do it,

is people will call it that. That's what it only called, yeah. And I won't do it for that reason. Well, if we get out in front of it. I'm so glad when I played the dude, Sadge, don't make this joke. The never ending movie, Part Two. Yeah, no, no, the thing.

Here we come, Ken. Your movie should be, don't make the joke you want to make. Here it is. Yeah, that may, I shouldn't do it. Just do a bunch of 80s movies just to fuck with people. What was it like working on set with people that were hooking up like your co-stars

that you knew? They weren't hooking up. They weren't, you didn't do your research, PFT. I actually, I refuse to believe that. I think that you guys were sworn to secrecy and you've done a hell of a job. Why would, why would they swear us to secrecy in 1999? Because you have weird.

And then get married and have kids in 2016. Everyone makes weird packs when you're 17. I've seen American Pie, I've seen a lot of teen movies. You have to make a pack when you're a senior in high school. I think that you guys made a pact. Let's not tell anyone. Yeah, because like when me and Big Cat made out that one time, it totally ruined things with Hank.

The whole dynamic was all for at least a week and a half. So like I get- It's still kind of a little something's going on in here. Someone wrote an article that said, what really happened behind the scenes of that 70s show? Do you, should I read the different paragraphs to you? No, don't do this. I'm trying to promote Black Mirror.

All right, first one, Love Far From First Sight. It actually talks about them not being lovers. And then it goes down and down. Leo's disappearance, Eric's buddy, Tofer Grace supposedly hated the rest of the cast. That's just one I just read randomly. That's not true. That's not true.

I love that we get together. I love them. I mean, the thing that I think people think sometimes is because I was new, I mean, so new. Like I remember the first take of the pilot, they, I'd only just had an audition. So that was the first time I ever acted. I said like bring a headshot and a resume to the audition.

I said, okay, what is that? I said, it's like a picture of you so we know who you are. I said, okay, so my resume was like Suncoast Video and Dunkin' Donuts and shit. And the picture was me and my friends at Six Flags. I mean, they were like, wait, what are the roller coaster pictures? No, that's taken.

That would have been great. That would have been great. So I, like the first episode, the director said like, great job on that first take, but you know, you weren't looking towards any of the cameras. Like I was so green. Like that was the only direction.

Not like be more this way or that way. It was like, you got to face the cameras so they can see your face. I mean, that's like a very like minimal, like low level direction. I was so messed up the first couple of years that, you know, a lot of the cast was more fun and would kind of go out more.

And I was just trying to like, I mean, I didn't even date anyone the first couple of years. I was so trying to do a good job on the show. So I think sometimes people will say where you're not as close to them. And it really makes me sad because they're all still grateful. You know, I have this podcast and you know,

Wilmer just came on it and we have a blast together, but. So myth busted. Myth busted. Myth, best friend. No, I just hate it. Cause they're my, imagine someone said, oh, you know, you hate your friends from high school and you're like, no, I love them.

But yeah, that's. Yeah, I peaked in high school. I love my high school friends. Busted. Black Mirror. So you're in an episode of Black Mirror. What made you want to do the show? First of all.

Do you like Black Mirror? Yes. Yeah, I love how. I feel like you don't watch anything, man. No. You haven't watched Black Mirror. I do watch a lot of sports. Black Mirror is a great show in,

in the fact that it is very unsettling to watch. Yeah. But I always want to watch the next one. It's so unsettling for me. I don't watch it. Fair enough. This one will be very unsettling. No, I actually have like a list of shows

that I just know that I'll get to. I just binged all stranger things. Like I knew I'd get to it. All three seasons at once. Yeah. It took me, it took me, I watched Game of Thrones the whole thing a month before. So I will watch Black Mirror.

It's definitely on my list of shows. Have you even seen that 70's show? Yeah, I have. Of course. So, it was the four people in New York that were, right? No, that was. There were four guys in LA and it was Vince. Phoebe.

No, it was Vince. Turtle, turtle, turtle. Phoebe and E. He was always fucking up. He thought he was smarter than he really was. Okay, so then let's flip it. Sell me on Black Mirror. Oh, well, yeah, I should definitely sell you on it.

Season five. Seriously? Yeah. Fuck. Shit. It's like, for anyone who hasn't watched it, it's this guy, Charlie Brooker writes every episode and he's like a modern day Rod Serling.

He's really, I don't know if you ever watched The Twilight Zone. Yes. Also a good show. Yes. If you haven't watched Twilight Zone, you know, it's late, but get on it. And this is like similar in that it's an anthology like that

and it's about technology and people have the same debates they have with The Twilight Zone, which is, which one is the best one? You know you're doing well when people are debating which one is the best one. Right. But they're all kind of different and some of them are some of my favorite episodes

of television. Some of them really like take me a couple hours to get over. Yeah, some of them are really very disturbing. Hit you at a deep level, yeah. But they're very, very good. I think my favorite was the guy that fucked the pig. That was pretty good.

That's a, that is a divisive one, yeah. Spoiler alert. Spoiler alert. Yeah, fuck the pig. You can tell me anything. He fucked a pig at the end. That's fucked up. It has to do with technology.

It does, yeah. Yeah, the pig is actually a hologram. So do you normally fuck pigs? To me, it's about, if it feels right. I do want to talk about your podcast. So what you, you do a podcast here, we found Common Ground. We have a podcast.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm not even gonna fucking ask if you've heard my podcast. There's no way. They have a favorite scene, Black Mirror or Game of Thrones. Tell me what the name of the Black Mirror episode is because otherwise I won't know which one to skip. That is called Smithereen. Okay, Smithereen.

Got you. I really am really, really proud of it. I am gonna watch it. I will watch Smithereen. Yes. All right, can't wait to hear what you guys think when we're not on the air. Yeah, we'll review it.

Yeah, we'll review it. But I have a podcast, which is to say, with Black Lansman, I did this thing called Hot Zone, which is out of Bola, and then doing Black Mirror. I've been doing a lot of really, just heavy stuff. And I went and did Anna Ferriss's podcast, which is a great podcast. And her producer took me out to lunch and said,

I want to do your podcast. I said, I don't want to do a podcast. I'd be boring, and my life is really boring. And he said, no, I'll come up with a kind of a thing to do on it, and his format, which I think is great, is that every week we want a different adventure. So I have been a friend, like I had in Wilmer Valderrama the other day, and that was, we brought in,

the guest never knows what's gonna happen. He brought in the greatest, the biggest trailer announcer in the world. We learned to announce trailers, or we had Whitney Cummings, and we did a lie detector test. We had Zach Levi, and we married a couple. We got our Dane, and we made,

so every week it's some, so it's great. It's great for me, because I don't have to. That's cool. Like, what'd you guys have to do with me? Like, it's terrible. You're gonna want a boring guy, and we don't have to hear about this guy's life, and so with this, we get to talk for a little bit,

and then we. That's good, because everyone has a podcast. Like, we make the joke that we're just two douchebags with a podcast, because literally everyone has one, but to do something that's totally different. Well, I honestly, sitting here, you guys are, I mean, I really mean this. You guys are so entertaining in how you do it.

When I started listening to your thing, I, some people have that gift. Like, I don't have that gift to just, like, open up the universe and pull out something funny, and whatever, and you guys, just how we're talking. You know, I mean, this isn't a very sincere show, but you guys seriously are very funny that way, and like, I don't have that, but I'm really glad

he came up with it. I think I love going with these people on these adventures, and it's great, and I'm a dad, so it's like, I get out of the house once a week. Same. You could take us to, tell you what, just release us, like, into the Alaskan wilderness with a pack of sled dogs.

You can come along, and then we'll do the live action boner dogs. What if you guys came up with minor adventures? I would do it. It'll be like the live action version of the Lion King, except it'll come out before the animated boner dogs. You can't know what the adventure's gonna be, but I bet it would be something that put you guys

in a really bad position. That's right. Wait, hold on. I do not respect my body in the least. I will put it through anything. Can we minor adventure you on your show, too? Like, you minor adventure us, and then we make you watch a Big Ten basketball game.

You would love it. Oh, my God, you'd go on my show, and we'll watch an entire game of something. I'm the worst, by the way. I am like, the only redeeming quality I have about sports is that I admit it. That's true. Like, I hate when people aren't into sports,

but they're kind of like watching a game and trying to be like, come on, little bit of defense. Yeah. But they don't know what the fuck's going on. Vince Vaughn's like that. He is? Well, he likes sports, but he was standing next to us at an LSU game on the sideline,

and he would just like lean over occasionally and be like, you got to get off the field and throw down. You got to try and establish the run here. Good point, Fred. I don't know what that means, but you guys do, and you went, no, that's not right? Yeah. Well, it's just like, it's a basic bitch thing to say.

Yeah. It's like, you know, day one stuff. Yeah, you saying it up front was good, because we do have some people who come on sometimes and be like, oh, so what team are you referring to? He's like, you know, the Yankees and the Mets, and we're like, that's not true. Like, you keep, no, you don't.

Like, I'm a New Yorker, I don't think so. All right, my last question, C-keek question, put in promo code TAKEY at $10 off to go see some sports. C-keek, maybe we'll do that, maybe we'll go to a game together. Put in promo code TAKEY. What an adventure that would be. What, do you have anything specific on your rider that's cool that you can tell us about?

It's not on my rider. This is just a piece of advice for any actors who are maybe coming up in the game, is day one, pick someone on the crew, slap the shit out of them really hard. Because what that does is, and for no reason, right? So they go like, what was that? And you say, you're fired, but get out of here.

Then everyone's on edge, that whole production, like. I like that. I think that's what David O. Russell did, right? Well, you could even hire somebody and just like pay them to be the guy, your job is to get slapped day one by me. That would be great. You pay someone to slap someone else for you.

Rob Schreiner would be great at that job. So you don't have anything specific when you're in your trailer? Topher Grace doesn't have to have this? Oh, you know, you gotta make one or two choices. I really meant what I was saying about that Black Lands movie. Like, I was a local hire on that,

meaning they were into me playing the part, but they were like, ah, we're gonna hire someone out of New York. And I love that script so much and really wanna do things that were, that really meant something to me. That I said, no, no, I'll pay for my plane ticket to New York and all.

So you're either kind of in that camp where you're essentially losing money doing things you really care about. Or you're, I don't know the other world. I mean, I really don't know that world. Your tip is to get in a syndicated sitcom and then get rich enough to have enough money to fly yourself to jobs and take other people's jobs.

And also when people come at you with litigation in terms of slapping them, just have enough lawyers to basically. Throw one army of lawyers to intimidate them. Deal with your neck injury. I'm Topher. That's what I do when I slap them. I say, I'm Topher.

That makes the slap even worse. Right, right. I'm not Chris. I'm not Christopher. I'm Topher. You just got slapped by a dude named Topher. That's how bad your life is right now. I love it.

I love it. All right, Topher, thank you so much. Thank you for having me on, guys. It was a pleasure having you on. I got like six things I got to watch now. Starting with season one of Black Mirror. Well, no, that's 70 show. I got to watch that.

And then Black Mirror. Well, the thing with Black Mirror. The Twilight Zone. The Twilight Zone. You can just pick and choose. You don't have to watch. Yeah, you can watch mine first. Oh, perfect.

It does not go in order. Done. Awesome. Thank you, man. It's a lie, but you knew that. I had a feeling you were going to watch it tonight. All right, I just want to make sure we're on the same wavelength.

I think this is weak crush. It looks forward to going on your podcast. Yeah, it looks forward to having you on my podcast and not you, right? That interview with Topher Grace was brought to you by Proper Cloth. Finding a dress shirt that fits is hard. Collars are too tight.

The sleeves are too long. Something is always not right. Well, ordering a custom fit shirt has never been easier thanks to Proper Cloth. Propercloth.com, you can easily create a custom shirt size in seconds by just answering 10 easy questions. Not only does Proper Cloth make it easy to create your custom size, they make it really simple

to completely customize your shirt to get the style you want. So like if you're a big cat, you can be like, hey, I got a dad bod. Do you guys have dad bod shirts? Dad bod time to do it. If you're a PFG, you're like, is there anybody that's really jacked up

and swollen and 69 inches tall? And they'll be like, yeah, we got the perfect shirt for you. We'll help you out. If you want a bigger pocket or a bigger left cuff for your watch, you can do that too. Customize over 30 different style points

to get the exact style that you want or select from hundreds of pre-designed shirts. The team at Proper Cloth works with the best fabric producers from all over the world and they only buy fabrics that meet their high quality expectations. Each one of these shirts goes through extensive quality control testing.

So again, the absolute best quality and craftsmanship. All their styles come with a perfect fit guarantee as well. So if it doesn't fit, you can get it remade completely free. They have great customer service team based here in New York City that makes it super easy to get these shirts remade. They've been mentioned in the New York Times,

Wall Street Journal, Esquire, GQ, Fast Company. GQ even calls them their new favorite online custom shirt maker and their shirts are completely customized for you and they start at just 80 bucks. So you're guaranteed to find a style that you're gonna love with quality that doesn't break the bank.

So stop wearing shirts that don't fit. Start looking your best with a custom fitted shirt. Go to propercloth.com slash pardon today and get 20 bucks off your first shirt. And your promo code pardon save 20 bucks off your first shirt or you can go to propercloth.com slash pardon. Okay, let's get to some segments. Nathan Peterman is putting together like a perfect drive.

Highlight reel. He's seven for seven right now and he just ran for a first down. He's run for two first downs. He's about to throw a touch down. I wish we had Jake Marsh here right now because this is gonna be a huge moment here. Also would hit my over.

That's true. Which I need very badly because I have not done well otherwise. Yeah, he just needed a change of scenery. He needed to get out West. He needed to learn under the tutelage of John Gruden. Yeah, the QB whisperer. Oh, Nathan.

Nope. That was a great handoff. We'll update that when it happens. One thing people don't talk about enough with Nate Peterman is how crisp those handoffs are. Yes. Just always gives you much. Who knows how to do it.

All right, first segment. We have drunk idea Aaron Rodgers. He wants to slash the beer prices at Lambeau Field so people will be louder. Now, I'll just say this, PFT, and I want your take, but it's a sad, sad day when the Packers need to find gimmicks to be louder. Just sad.

That's true. I'm just gonna say it out loud. It's sad. Also a sad day for the Packers fans to find gimmicks to get drunk. Yes. That's like, that is a part of the culture. Yikes.

Yikes. I'm just saying. If you have to ask Green Bay fans to be louder, maybe just move the whole franchise. Touchdown Raiders. Handoff Peterman. Handoff Peterman. That's, yeah, wow.

Just pure class from Nate Peterman right there. Move the whole franchise. Yeah, move the whole franchise, get it out of there. He could also just slash beer prices by just drinking half a beer like he does when he's courtside at a game. That's true. That's a real easy way to save money on beers.

Just never finish a full one. They should just give away free beer. Why not? For like a playoff game? What's to stop them? Yeah. Just let everyone gets, well, actually, if you gave away free beer, then people would just pass out.

But. To a point. Yeah. How about free beer every time Aaron Rodgers and Matt LaFleur give each other like a glance that says that they don't like each other? Again, they'd pass out. Blackout.

Blackout. Blackout. All right, next up we have, I don't even, we didn't have a segment for this, but Brian Cashman got pulled over. He did, yeah. And so that was weird. He is the king of, I think it was an affair

or was involved in something. Yeah. Yeah, that video of him rock climbing or climbing up a building or something. Brian Cashman does something weird every couple of years just to remind you that he's around. Because otherwise he's just been the Yankees GM forever and his name's Cashman.

The Cashman is quite a nickname too. For the Yankees GM. Yeah, for the Yankees GM. I saw him, they pulled their guns on him because it was his car. He had a car that he found out was stolen. And then he went like vigilante on it, tried to, it's a very weird situation that's going on.

So I'm saying Cashman gets in weird situations. Yeah, he does find himself in a strange place. They had their guns pulled on him. He was compliant when it happened, but like it was kind of scary watching the body cameras. But as far as like jailbird uniforms go, he could have earned his pinstripes, but he didn't. Here it is.

You ready for that? That's true. That's a good point. Yeah. This, I remembered it incorrectly. Yankees GM Cashman scales down building in Connecticut. What? That happened.

Okay. He scaled down a building because he was like, I don't know if he was rock climbing or something. Yeah. I think he was rock climbing. He's just a weird dude. He was rock climbing on the side of a building. Yeah.

What building was this that you can rock climb on? I don't know. But he's a weird- Washing? No, but he, he was- He's Spider-Man. He did it five times. What the fuck?

He wore reindeer antlers on top of a wig of spiked hair. What? Okay. Cashman's weird. This segment's called Brian Cashman Weirdo. Big time weirdo. Yeah. All right.

I have an O, you think? Bryson D. Shambo said that Brooks Capco could kick his ass. Yeah. You think? No doys. No shit with your little newsy hat. Thanks for letting us know, scientists. Blake Capco would punch him in his face so hard

that his hat would spin around like it was in a cartoon to make a slide whistle. He'd cave his skull in. Yeah. Fuck you, Brent. And I'd watch that shit. Brish, brish, and just shambly. Get out of here, dude.

I just wish he'd quit already. Scram. Scram. Just beat it. Beat it, man. Beat it, chump. Get the fuck out of here. I hope that Brooks Capco beats his ass.

Yeah, me too. That's what golf's been missing, really. I'll hold Bryson D. Shambo's hands behind his back while Brooks just kicks his ass. How about I hold Blake Capco's hands behind his back and he still kicks Bryson's ass? Probably going to happen. All right, there's our man, Mark Davis, looking so sweet.

Look at that camel toe, that moose knuckle. He is so hot. The shadows on that thing. That looks like the elephant graveyard that the Lion King isn't allowed to go into. How could a man have all that swag? It's too much. How can one person have all that swag?

Goddamn, that was awesome. By the way, save for some of the rest of us. That was actually the headline I used on the tweet. Did you see the Joe West kiss? No. He smooched some fan last night through the netting. Casanova. Some dude was like, hey, there's Joe West.

He's a famous ump. Honey, go get a picture with him. And she walked up and he just smooched the fuck out of her. He's like the Joe Biden of umpires. I think you're also giving him too much credit that the dad was like, I bet you he was just walked over and was talking to them and she was like, can we take a picture?

No, he was probably like, you want to take a picture with country Joe? Yeah. He's like, let me see that cheek. You like money? I don't think he was summoned over. I think he was just over there. Why don't you give my big, weird neck flap

a little smoochy smooch? I'm a smoochaholic. That's Joe West. I'm gonna start doing the bullfrog saying when they're horny and just expanding my neck skin back and forth, you'll find it irresistible, baby. Are you worried about the cubs? Price just had to walk off Grand Slam.

Wait, what the fuck? Yeah, yeah, whatever. Price just had to walk off Grand Slam. You caught him in the middle of one of his little streaks. I thought you saw that already. They were up five nothing. Yeesh. Sorry, I'm sorry for breaking that news.

Oh my God. I'm sorry, Hank had to break that news too. He hates it. Hank hates delivering bad news like that to you. What the fuck? This is real reaction. You, Darvish, was awesome tonight too. You know what?

It's even worse that his dogs named Wrigley and he did that to you. Fuck. Yeah. Double-doink. Cubs are so bad on the road. They're so fucking bad on the road. Six runs in the ninth.

Nice. Fuck. OK, let's just go to license. Next segment. Oh, yeah, PR 101 Ohio State. I'm bummed out because I like the cubs ever do this. You started the show, you thought it was over. Yo, it was five nothing when we started the show.

And I was like, fuck. Hank really killed the show's vibe right there. PR 101 Ohio State said, tried to do the fuck them. They trademarked the walk-up. You covered up for Urban Meyer. Yeah, shame. Yeah, just trademark it. Trademark the word sorry.

Shame. Do better next time. Shame, shame, shame. I actually had an idea about this. Tell me if you think this would work. So Texas should just trademark the phrase horns down and the motion horns down. That way, when everybody does it,

they can actually sue them instead of just crying about it. Whatever, let's do license to Jill. I think that's a good idea for you. Thanks. Hey, Hank and I are going to finish the show by ourselves before we get to license to Jill. Hank, what should LSU trademark? Gucks.

Gucks. Just a grunt. LSU should trademark grunting and neck. Suck that tiger dick bitch. Oh my god, he hit that fucking ball to the moon. Jesus Christ. This should just trademark tiger penises. Just any time you see a tiger's dick,

if it's in the wild, if it's in the book of his memoirs, we're talking about Perkins. And he fucking walked, he ran around the bases so fast, like a just do license to Jill. OK, we're going to wrap up this week's Pardon My Take with our friend, our intern, our podcast mom. She's back from a vacation that puts Hanks to shame. Who the fuck knows where you went, Jilly football?

You just literally left one day, didn't see it for a month, and popped right back up out of nowhere. Where'd you go? Well, I can't tell you that. OK, great. So how was it, at least? Can you tell us that? Marvelous.

OK. What was the best thing you did on your vacation? I learned how to use a gravity bomb. Oh, shut up. If you did that without us, I'd be so mad at you. I didn't use it. I just learned how to. If she were to try to use it.

You watch. OK, so you haven't been on in like four weeks, so you must have something you're disappointed in with us. Well, yes, I'm a little disappointed and obviously not mad, of course, because I would never be mad. No, we're perfect. But I'm a little disappointed in your flip flopping. With?

Antivax. Oh, yeah, I was. Pick a side, coward. It's an anti-vaxxer, now I'm vaccinating my child. Although you made the right decision. Are you sure? Absolutely. Absolutely.

I would never let my kids play with your kid if they weren't vaccinated. I mean, your kids are like fucking 40, Jill. I wouldn't let my kid play with your kids. My kid's six weeks old. Listen, the science is still out. I'm just I'm disappointed in Big Cat as well, because if you're going to pick a side,

you have to stick to it. True. You know, you can't trust somebody that waffles no matter which way the wind's blowing. I was always an anti-vaxxer. And then I had a kid and I was like, uh-huh. When the rubber meets the road, I pussied out and got vaccinated. OK, but I'm also a little bit disappointed in what kind

of example are you setting for your son with succumbing to peer pressure? Yeah, true. I mean, you know, granted he's little. Very little. But you got to you got to keep it steady. Yeah. Yeah, you're right.

Was it was it tough? Because I've actually heard that it's tough watching your kid get vaccinated for the first time. No, he was chill. He's a chill ass baby. Oh, that's great. He is like literally he cried for like maybe 20 seconds. And then he was back to just normally just fucking chill baby.

Very strong. He's killed. He's just future football player. He just hangs out. Yeah. I love that. Positive vibes only. Good.

Yeah. Good. See, it didn't hurt him. No, he was cool. Yeah. All right. So that's what you're not mad. But just pointing in with me.

What about PFT? Anything? How could I be? I've been great. OK. I've just been great. Jill, I heard you. I just knew the entire time that she was gone.

I was like, she's listening. I need to be on my pees and cues. Yes. We cleaned the place up, by the way, right when we found out that you were coming back. We're like, oh, shit, got to tidy up in here. I also noticed that Jill's not mad disappointed was just from the last episode.

So makes me think maybe you didn't listen to anything except the last episode. Oh, but I did. I did post him on my Twitter. Post what? You retweeted? Or episodes? I did not.

Give him more exposure. I gave you what I was disappointed in. OK. And one was the disgusting, I don't know if I can look at him again, the Snickers with Nikki Bella. What about the Snickers? The cockroach legs in Snickers. What?

You don't remember that? No, no, I forget every show immediately afterwards. What are we talking about here? This is from Grit Weeks, it was a long time ago. Jesus Christ, how long have you been gone? Someone brought up Snickers and they did. I forget who it was, but you were like, you know there was a cockroach and a Snicker?

Yeah. And then we looked it up and talked about it. Oh, I see. I forget every show immediately after we say it. Jill's memory is better than ours. And then there was Miss Gravity Bung over here. Another one that I can't remember. I was on the boat.

We were drinking on the boat from Vancouver. Very dangerous. Not telling you where I was. No, I didn't go there. No, sorry. So there was a couple of things that I put on Twitter. OK, so I also heard that you learned some new words. Yes, I did.

Yes, I did. Will you tell them to us? OK. Yep. I play in a game. It's called Telestrations After Dark. It's a game. Sounds spicy.

It's a game for, you know, you can play many players. And I learned from my 18 and 21-year-old niece and nephew, Golden Shower. Uh-huh. Yeah, very nice. I've never heard of it before. You've only done it. You've never heard of it before.

You've done it. Have I done it? I don't know. Do you know that, for sure? Are you? OK. Everyone's got a pee on them sometimes. OK, and the other word, Taint.

Yeah, Taint. You didn't know what a Taint was? Everyone's got one. The cat's got a juicy one. Yeah, I have a juicy ass, true. Do you really? Yeah, it's in the song. That blew my mind.

OK, did I have a juicy Taint? Yeah, because that's not what it's not in the dictionary. What did you call it? I don't know that I did. A Gooch, the grundle? Maybe, maybe. No man's land? No man's land.

I don't have it. What about a Cleveland steamer? That's new. OK, that's similar to a Golden Shower. Is it really? Just having a crap on your chest. Oh, like poop person. Yeah, scat.

Oh, gross. Remember poop girl, the guy that wanted her to poop in front of her? A gun girl. No, this was early this summer. Never mind, never mind. OK, OK. Yeah, we just don't remember anything. Did you, by the way, did you guys know this Blippi guy, who

is a YouTuber for children? He's the same guy who did the Harlem Shake where he shat in his friend's asshole. I did not know any of that stuff. I learned this week. All right, I figured that was appropriate for this discussion. I said that like we had any idea of anything. Awesome video.

Have you guys ever seen that Harlem Shake video? No, I mean, let's watch it live. Shitting into somebody else's asshole. I'm going to find it, and we're going to watch it live. That poop's got to be really confusing. It's one of the funniest. I finally made freedom. Oh no, I'm back here again.

It's one of the funniest videos I think I've ever watched. But he is, turns out, like six years later, he makes videos for little kids, which is kind of weird, right? That is a very strange career path for him. Yes. I would think so. All right, we can cut this, but I'm going to find this. You just milkshake Blippi for me.

Yes. I'm such a big fan. OK, here we go. Wait, this is an ad in Russia. Is this guy Russian? No, it's just the only remnants of the video. It's Russian, one extent. Like they just, they took it down offline.

Oh, it's on a Russian site. Oh yeah, I have seen that. Yeah, I've seen it. Starts out normal enough. That's what I do in my bathroom. Yeah. You do this. Uh-oh.

He moved in his friend's asshole. That turns, like, out of the frying pan into the fryer. Let's go to dinner. All right, I don't know how we got here. Want to do some license to Jill? But yeah, that guy's makes YouTube's for little kids. How did we get there? We went from Taint to Gooch to Golden Shower.

You didn't connect the dots. Cleveland steamer. Yeah, you can connect the dots. OK. OK. What do we got for license to Jill today? Well, I have a number of questions. Yes.

OK. Hi, Jillie. I just finished moving my grandma out of her house. And while moving her, I realized she was a giant hoarder. Do all people over 60 have a hoarding problem? Well, yeah. Yeah. Who knows if something's going to come back in style?

Correct. Yep. You don't want people stealing from you? Yep, yep. And you think I'm going to save all of this for my children. Right, yeah. They don't want anything. I don't know if my kids.

You don't have the heart to give it up. Right, my relatives might want 70 jumpsuits that are just laying around. I'm a hoarder. Yeah, big time hoarder. There's nothing wrong with hoarding. I have a new pile that's starting. It's in its, it's like, it's not mature yet.

How come when people just collect random stuff, they're called hoarders. But when they collect dollars, they're called rich. Ooh. Ooh. It's the exact same thing. Damn. And then try to get rid of it.

Oh, your mind. I wish this person luck trying to clean out grandma's house. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. As long as there are no dead cats in there. That's always a bummer. When you're watching hoarders, it's like a nice light show sometimes.

It's like, wow, that guy's got a lot of old newspapers. You're like, oh, shit, here's a cat skeleton from 17 years ago. Oh, that creeps me out. The tip is to die before people have to clean up your mess. Because that way you don't feel guilty about it. That's what I'm planning to do. OK, good.

Good plan. All right. Here's another one. How can I break the stigma and revolutionize my dorm's atmosphere? I don't know that I can answer this one. Yeah. It depends on, I don't know, what kind of a dorm you live in.

The stigma. Maybe a trip chamber would spice things up a little bit. I mean, is it coed? Oh, want to feel old? Trip chamber guy is probably going into senior year college. There's no chance he graduated from his freshman year. He dropped out. Fuck, dude.

You know what he's doing? That's how he blew my mind. Trip chamber guy definitely did one year. And then he got an apartment in the same college town. But he's not going to school anymore. And sold everyone drugs. Yeah. I don't know him.

Yeah. You don't have to. He's probably the guy that taught you about the gravity problem. Probably the coolest guy we've ever met. Who we haven't met. You want to spice things up in your dorm room, like make it a little bit different?

Go out, get a poster of the Boondock Saints. Get the Belushi poster. Bob Marley. Get the Kiss poster. With the two girls kissing. The Pink Floyd with the backs of all the ladies in it. And I think you'll be good to go. Stay that a little bit.

Yep. OK. Maybe an aerial of your college's football stadium. Oh, yeah. Just to really make it artsy. OK. I didn't live in a dorm. So that's OK.

You're a mystery. So you don't know where the fuck you are from, where you go, where you went to college. None of this makes sense. OK. OK. Next. Let's see.

Sup, Jill Jill and the boys. Now that summer's winding down, what are you looking forward to most this fall? Besides football. OK. I was going to say football. That's bullshit. Is there anything else besides football?

You tell me. You tell me what are you looking forward to? I like as soon as it's September, the weather needs to go down, like get colder. And come Saturday, you find the Michigan bar. No, that's football. That's OK. That's all I got.

She's talking about the bar. She's talking about the bar that you. But it's nice outside, and you go into a bar, and you sit there, and you cheer on, go blue, the Wolverines. OK. Yeah, I like that. That's what I like to do.

And then you go outside, and it's beautiful out. Leaves are changing, so that's what I like. There is nothing better than that fall, Saturday afternoon, where you maybe watch your team play the 2.30 or 3.30 kickoff, and then you've still got a little bit of light. That's beautiful. I also like soup seasons. Soup seasons right around the corner.

That's good, yeah. Vest season as well. Cover up my tits with some vests. Oh, I wish vests would come back. Oh, they're coming. Don't worry, just wait. Yeah, D-Ray brought them back. Love vests.

What about, so you like soup? I'm really glad. I love soup. I'm very glad to hear that. Do you like pumpkin spice lattes? You can look forward to that, too. No, you're not a basic bitch. Pumpkin spice, Uggs, DSLs.

I just like my lattes plain. I might start rocking Uggs this season. We should just become basic bitches. We should choose the hell yeah. Hell yeah, hell yeah. PSLs only. I like it. PSLs and DSLs, that's what I do.

OK, all right, next one. OK, do you have any advice on how to take a seemingly unexcused leaf of absence from work and still keep your job like nothing happened? Good question. Excuse me, is that personal? No, no, no. I'm just, you know.

No, absolutely not. Could that be directed at me? No. Well, how would you do it? Be sick. You could be sick for a long time. You could be sick for a long time. A mono.

You got mono. Mono's a good excuse. Mono's a good excuse. I like mono. I also like saying that you got sprayed by a skunk. Oh, that's a good one. If you say I use that in college one time during exam week, I say I got sprayed by a skunk, and nobody

will ever question you on that. But did they give you like, you know. Oh, no, I just failed it. The tomato soup. I just failed it, but I felt less bad about not going to class that day. I never thought about that. I did say like, hey, I can't come, can't take the test.

I have to go to Walmart and buy a lot of tomato soup, and then shower in the dorms, all that. I made up an entire lie about it. And they bought it, but then I just never took the test. So yeah, that's the part that I forgot about, is rescheduling. There is that. But yeah, skunk at free advice to anybody, use it. Never be questioned.

And what about you? I just got some breaking news that I got to share. We're going to actually, you already know it when you've already listened to it. But I lost my train of thought. OK, breaking news. But we're going to, I got to say it in the other part of the show. OK.

Because we might have to call someone. I want to know who it, I want to know what it is now. Yeah, I want to know what it is now. So do I. Copycat. Will you cut this? Why? Because we're going to do it at the beginning of the show.

Yeah, but then by this point, though, I've already heard it anyway. Who cares? Blake buzzed his hair. Oh, really? All the way? Jared just texted me. He took it down?

I don't know. But I'm, yeah. Man, end of an era. Yeah, we're going to have to call him. He bicked it? I don't know. He said, are they playing tonight? No, no, he's not.

He finally gave into the ball of life. He went buzz. Oh my god. Yeah, so I mean, this is big news. So I guess you got to the point where we heard it, but we'll talk about it at the beginning. We've already talked about it. Right.

Blake's going to be shaved. I mean, that's shaved bald, driving a Tesla. Right. He's going to look like the ultimate libertarian. I apologize. I apologize. That's huge. Yeah, he just needs a vest and maybe some cargo pants

and some Jeff Bezos. Yeah, some small, very narrow, rectangular sunglasses. Yes, yeah. And then he needs to take a selfie of himself in his car and have that be his Twitter avatar. Yes. So sorry, Jill. I lost my train of thought, but that's pretty big news.

Yeah. That's pretty big news. Let's do one more. OK, one more. Last one. OK. Stop, Jill. There's a duffel bag with $5 million.

The catch is if you accept the money, there will be a snail that's life's mission is to touch you. It will always know where you are, and if it touches you, you die. Do you take the money or no? It's a normal snail, not anything crazy. What do you do? What do you do?

Take the money, stomp on the snail. But you touched it. You touched it. You're dead. You're dead. But my shoes. Shoot it. Oh, it didn't say anything.

I thought it would be skinned. Pour salt on it. By $3 million with the salt, pour it on the snail, you have $2 million left over. Or take just a container and put it over the snail. Trap the snail. What if it was like hunting you? You didn't know where it was.

That's the thing. It started out in a separate place. Oh, I'd still want the money. OK. I'd still want the money. But oh, you're in your. And the snail's pace goes really slow. Yeah, but you're in your beautiful pool,

and then you get out of it. And whoops, there's just a snail just on the ground. Stepped on it, dead. No, I take the money. Take the money. All right, I would give the fastest. I want nothing to do with this snail. I would let the money be.

It'd be in your head. Really? All day. All day. All the time. You'd just be constantly being like. But if you could kill it, then you'd be good. If you could kill it, yes.

But if you can't kill it. But you could kill it different ways. Yes, but you have to like, you have to see it before it sees you, basically. Right. And there's many snails. There's different snails, I know. Right.

You're familiar with them. Here's the snails. You've seen a few. I've seen a snail, a few. I'm going to respect the snail. OK. Not worth it. Bad juju.

Bad juju. Don't kill a snail. All right, Jilly, thank you. Appreciate it. Don't go leaving. I mean, are you going to go on vacation again? Oh, the internship's coming to an end. Summer's over.

It is. We'll talk about that next week. OK. All right. Thank you. Thanks, Jill. Love you guys. Thank you.

We were made to break so long time ago. Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right?

Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right?

Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right?

Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right?

Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right?

Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right? Are you all right? I don't know what to say to this, I'm lost in being around, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say to this That show is brought to you by NHTSA, I want to talk to you guys about something kind of serious, let's get serious.

Impaired driving costs lives, drunk driving costs lives, costs more than that too. It can wreck families, NHTSA is using no big deal, they're telling you, you think it's no big deal to drive drunk? Well guess what, you're totally wrong, drive sober, you get pulled over and listen up, because they're starting a brand new campaign that has just begun and it's running through September 2nd. Cops across the US are going to be increasing enforcement on impaired drivers everywhere, I'm talking everywhere. So listen to NHTSA, if you feel different, you drive different. DUI covers more than just alcohol, covers drugs as well, if you drive different you can get a DUI, never drive high, drive high, get a DUI. You can't trust yourself if you've been drinking, if you drink don't drive, if you drink don't ride on a motorcycle, ride sober, get pulled over. NHTSA wants you guys to get home safe, enjoy yourselves, have a great time, especially over Labor Day weekend, throw back a few pops if you want, but don't get behind the wheel of a car.