Pardon My Take - Woody Paige, Mt Flushmore Of Life's Small Victories With Brian Koppelman

Episode Date: April 29, 2020

Jameis is a Saint and Baseball is trying its best to come back (2:29 - 13:28). Hot Seat/Cool throne including aliens and we need documentary help (13:28 - 29:01). ESPN's Around the Horn Woody Paige joins the show to talk about his career, voting for TO in the Hall of Fame, his chalkboard, and winning at Around the Horn (29:01 - 60:15). Segments include the Mt Flushmore of life's greatest small victories with Brian Koppelman (60:15 - 84:05), bad visual Alex Smith and Guys on Chicks.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music. On today's part in my take, we have Woody Page, Legend of the Game, Around the Horn. We talked to him about sports, some memories dominating being the Brett Favre of Around the Horn with the most wins and most losses. We have Hot Sea Cool Throne, and then probably the most uplifting Mount Rushmore we've ever done.

We have our guest, a recurring guest, Brian Koppelman on. You know him from Billions Rounders, and we do the Mount Rushmore of Life's Small Victories. So we all were inspired coming out of this Mount Rushmore. It felt good to be happy again, so make sure you listen to that. Before we do all that though, a part of my take is brought to you by the Cash App, not always the easiest place to send money to your friends. That's the safest you can send money without ever having to look someone in the face. You do it on your phone.

It is the number one app for social distancing. It is the number one app for apps that I love because Cash App always has our back, and it's the number one app for giving out free subscriptions to our Twitch channel, app part of my take. Yeah, they've been doing that. So if you want to watch Ping Pong on Thursday, you want to watch Coach Dugs on Wednesday night, and you hop in and you see Cash App there, they're probably going to give you a free subscription.

That's how awesome the Cash App is. So I need you right now to do a solid back and download the Cash App, and they'll give you $10 for free with Code Barstool, $10 for free with Code Barstool with the Cash App, and $10 to ASPCA helping animals as well. God knows they need them right now. Have you seen Billy's Basement? So download the Cash App from the App Store, Google Play Store today, and get involved with the Cash App.

Okay, let's go. Welcome to part of my take presented by the Cash App, go download it right now, use Code Barstool, you get $10 for free, $10 to ASPCA, today is Wednesday, April 29th, and it is official. New Orleans Saints now have two Hall of Fame quarterbacks, Drew Brees, and future Hall of Fame quarterback. Jason Hill. James Winston.

I almost said Jason Winston. Jason Winston. James Winston, he signed a one-year deal with him today. He had many other offers, well he did, he had offers to be a starter and for more money. In a lot of places that don't exist. In better cities than New Orleans, that's like a three for three of things that definitely didn't happen. How ridiculous of a lie can I throw out there and have people believe it?

Well guess what, James, no one believed this lie. I mean, I would honestly sympathize with him if he was like, I wanted to go chill out in New Orleans for a year, make a million dollars or however much he's going to get paid, not have to work, and just live in the best city in the world. How about it actually is a genius move by him because Drew Brees, you have to think, okay, Drew Brees, maybe this year is his last year, maybe he's got two more years. If you can ingratiate yourself to Sean Payton and what they have going on there, like that's actually a very smart thing to do to be the guy in waiting and you've made a lot of money

already because you were first round draft pick with the fifth year option being picked up and now you get to be learning from Drew Brees and Sean Payton and he can maybe even be like, hey dude, like the linebackers are the ones in the middle. Well yeah, I mean that'd be a good spin zone, maybe they hired him so that he could play scout team and work on the hands of the linebackers and the cornerbackers in practice, get some reps in, catch in some balls for a change. I would love to see the film study though of like Drew Brees being like, all right, where'd you throw it here?

And James is like right there, right where a linebacker is, like, no, we're not doing that, like trying to explain to him how the positions work. He's like, I just want to throw the ball, Drew, that's it. So I looked up some stats on old James here, okay, so this is why I'm actually optimistic about James in New Orleans. This is grass versus turf split. You ready for this? On grass.

This is how bored we are. On grass. 22 touchdowns, 27 interceptions. On turf, 11 touchdowns, three interceptions. Wow. His passer rating is almost, it's 35 points higher on turf than it is in grass. He played obviously the Saints and the Falcons, was there a third turf game? Isn't that just the general rule for turf versus grass?

Well, and also the Falcons defense is terrible. What was the other? I'm not here to get into that. What was the other turf game? To actually breaking down the stats. Was there another turf game? I found a stat that fit my narrative for James Winston, so I'm going to run with that. I'm going to look up the other turf game because it's going to be hilarious if it was just

the worst defense. Probably. Yeah. It probably was. But the fact is, James likes turf. He does. He doesn't like grass. So this is going to be great season.

He loves domes. I got a stat for you. So if James Winston throws zero touchdowns and zero interceptions this year, he still will be second all time at the age of 27 for touchdowns and interceptions only behind Dan Marino. Thank you, James. That's a good stat. So one thing that we know about, about Sean Payton and when he looks at quarterbacks,

he has visions of what he wants the role to be all the time and it's not like other quarterback coaches that are like, oh, I want this guy to be a serviceable backup because he knows the system. This guy is going to be my emergency. No, that's not how Sean Payton thinks. He has actual defined roles for his different quarterbacks. Right. Like Taysum Hill was the guy that they bring in during games and Teddy Bridgewater was the

guy that they bring in as the actual backup. If Drew Brees went down with James Winston, I don't know what that role is going to be. Is he going to be the Teddy Bridgewater from last year or is he going to be, he could be the quarterback saves guy because James Winston seems like a guy that you could put in in a fourth quarter. If you want to make things interesting, walk away with a save. It just sucks that we might not get James as a starter next year. The total comedy of the league has taken a hit.

By the way, they scored 38 points against the Lions in like week 14. So that might have been a help for the grass versus. James can only play who he plays on a schedule in domes. Yeah, 38-17. That definitely helped. He had four touchdowns, 458. Still 11 touchdowns, three interceptions. All right.

So we had the James news. We have new baseball news. Wait, what is this? Oh, James Winston has completed 10 career passes to Saints players. Taysum Hill has completed seven. I don't like these stats that are supposed to just be mean to James. So I mean, it sounds like that's the team he was supposed to play for them. True.

Mean to James or mean to Taysum? That's true. I guess. Well, James has never played for the Saints, but yes, yes, both, yes, both. It's a double mean. They're just being mean all around. The other news we have is the baseball is trying feels like they might come back early July is what's been said.

They're confident in that. And what I think we've talked about, but I love this idea that they're going to restructure how the divisions are, which is great because if this season is going to be weird, make it really fucking weird. I need to get to the point where we're debating the designated hitter rule already because it's a mix. What happened? It's a melange of teams from both leagues in each division.

So the East, you've got the Yankees, Mets, Red Sox, Orioles, everyone in the East except for Atlanta. Yes. They moved to the central. Yes. Which actually makes sense. If you look at a map. Does it?

Yeah. Atlanta is is is farther than people real is farther West than people realize. Is it farther West than Pittsburgh? Yes. I want to say yes. Pennsylvania. Hold please. We're doing some map exercises here again.

This is what we have folks. We're doing some map exercises. Atlanta is much, much, much farther West than Pittsburgh. Okay. Much. I use many muches. Atlanta is in line is farther West than Detroit. Yeah.

People don't realize how far West Atlanta is. I think I think most I think if you think about a map, people forget that South Carolina is kind of boxing Atlanta out there. That's why the Seahawks were able to beat the Falcons in the playoffs a couple years ago. It wasn't that far of a trip. Correct. It is central.

I don't know if it's central. No, it's not. It's not central time, but it is. That's why Atlanta and Nashville should actually be playing in football more often because they're three hours away from each other. So it makes sense that Atlanta is in the central and then you just have the West team. So I like it because you get the Mets and the Yankees playing all year long, you get the Cubs and the White Sox playing all year long, you get the Dodgers and whoever else

is in LA. Dodgers and the Giants. Yeah. Yeah. It's really good. The Dodgers. Like I love that there's just the Angels are there. Oh yeah.

San Diego's around too. Mm-hmm. Close enough. Mm-hmm. What do you say? The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim is still maybe the most ridiculous name in sports. We did that. There was like a sporkle quiz that this was before coronavirus started and it was you

had five minutes or maybe like eight minutes to name every single franchise in all four major sports. And I missed a couple of the Canadian hockey teams, but the only other American team I missed was the Los Angeles Angels. You got the Florida Panthers. Yes. They exist too. Yeah.

Because we had that whole thing. But I got like everything else was easy and then I just forgot that the Angels existed and even when they said it to me, I was like, is that real? Their team? OK. If it wasn't for BizNasi, the coyotes would be a tough one to remember too. Yeah. I think I forgot the Winnipeg Jets, maybe.

I don't know. Either way, that's the thing you're hearing over there. Baseball could be better. I think baseball is coming back. It's going to be, I kind of like how these divisions are broken down, to be honest with you. Like there's really no need to have an American and national league unless you have to like break it down through a whole 160, 260 game, three game season.

But like with this, I don't have a problem with any of this. I see a couple of teams getting their asses kicked in the east, but the divisions overall look pretty competitive. This is the whole point of like the sports coming back. I'm still skeptical. But if they do, embrace how weird this is. Like if the NBA comes back and they play a finals in August, don't start the season until Christmas and run it from Chris, like run a shortened season the other way around

too. Like embrace how weird it is, how different everything is and make it different to, like it would be so disappointing if they did a shortened baseball season and nothing was different. They just cut out maybe like all interleague players or something. Yeah. It's like, why, why, why do I, why, why do they change the pace if there's a hundred games that I don't need to see the cubs play the pirates 19 times.

I want to see weird shit happen. What if, uh, what if baseball came back and heaven forbid the very first thing that happened was a home run Derby and Christian Yelich wins it. I think it doesn't count short season one asterix doesn't count. That's right. Plus I think that's a coronavirus risk on our part. Do you imagine if he never competes in the home run Derby, his back gets hurt and then he goes and then he has coronavirus happen and then he gets busted for whatever he's

been doing and never makes the all star game again. You can make an argument that our ass is derailed his career. He did sign his big contract. That's probably probably he's not as fat and happy although you don't have to make the all star game to be in the home run Derby. That's bullshit. And he would do that on a spike. That's bullshit.

Especially after I just said that thing. He didn't do steroids. I know that for a fact. He changed his stance. He's a great guy. As a matter of fact, what did Aaron Rodgers say when, uh, when Braun got accused of doing I hate Jordan Love. He said that he would donate how much money I think he retired.

So big cat will retire if Christian Yelich ever gets caught doing steroids. Boom. Oh man. Can I take an insurance plan out on that? Nope. That would be great. If I got a Lloyd's of London hook me up. I mean, if major league baseball knows what they're doing, they will find a way to make

that happen just to boost the ratings for the home run Derby. Yes. All right. Hot seat, cool throne. Hot seat, cool throne is brought to you by our friends at Bud Light Seltzer. Try it for yourself and see why great tasting Bud Light Seltzer is putting every other hard Seltzer on the hot seats. Thank you to Bud Light Seltzer.

I was drinking some on Saturday. I'm having one right now. Cold one. A light simple black cherry. I was drinking one when I called DJ Khaled DJ. Catch it. That's why that was my seat. What kind?

What kind do you want? Black cherry please. I love black cherry. Black cherry is great. They're all pretty good. Black cherry is probably my favorite. No black cherry. All right.

It doesn't matter. Any, any Bud Light Seltzer is a good Bud Light Seltzer. Yeah. Give the man a mango. Mango coming up. I thought you asked for mango. My bad. That's for Hank.

I thought you said I'll take a mango. This episode of part of my take is brought to you. And we've got Bud Light Seltzer on the floor. By the blood alcohol content point one eight. Oh man. This is actually, you know what Bud Light Seltzer you should from now on hot seat cool throne should last for as long as it takes us all to finish the Bud Light Seltzer. That's not a bad plan.

And it's like, it's like the Dennis Robbins Native American drill, not Indian drill. And what if we just all chug or if one of us just decides to go really, really long. It was a bit more. I was surprised. Like I don't know. Maybe they just don't. That seemed like something I always like had this image of like that was like a high school drill that like got lost over the years.

I feel like professional teams are not doing those runs anymore. Just to get Dennis Robbins back in shape. I think that most of the drills that we did in high school end up not being drills that professional athletes do. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Jim Boylan still is a coach. So you think they're still doing the yeah, I don't think they didn't show up to practice because they're like, we're not coming to practice to run suicides.

Yeah. I mean, I thought more people were going to comment on that. I was a little surprised. It was just, it was interesting to me. I liked it, but I was like, I feel like people in the NBA are not doing that. That's like a high school like freshman year football drill. I enjoyed how Michael Jordan was saying that he figured out the hack to the Indian run, which was you just have the first person up front go slower.

I was like, yeah, did we all figure that out? But I think in the nineties and eighties, they probably would. I mean, think about it. They just some of those weights that we're lifting, those hilarious to see those old school. If you want to, those are heavier. I know it's only says 45 pounds. They're heavier.

You can't tell me different when they're rusted. Yeah. When they're metal, they're metal. If you want to look at a hilarious picture of a workout, look at Tom Kite, the old professional golfer. I think he won a U.S. Open. I know he's a major champion. Look at some of his workout pictures where he's wearing.

He's basically wearing a diaper on a Nautilus cable machine. It is fucking hilarious. It's like Babe Ruth. Babe Ruth's workout would just be laying down and someone would throw a medicine ball off his stomach. So many tweet the Tom Kite workout video or pictures to me. They are one of my favorite series of pictures on the internet. All right.

Hank, your hot seat. Cool. My hot seat is us. Why? Because we have to drink this Bud Light Salter. Nope, America. It's delicious. We started, you know, in classic us fashion, when this quarantine started, we said, hey,

Friday to, you know, keep us motivated, give us something to do. We're going to review a documentary. We're going to watch a movie. I think we made it, what, two weeks, three weeks? Uh-huh. We forgot last week. I brought it up today. Like what should we do for Friday and you guys were like, well, we're not going to make

it. We're not going to make it. Like we can't do it this Friday. Hold on. Hold on. We not only didn't do it last week, but we talked about it before we did the show and just forgot to say it. Correct.

And then this week I was like, what are we going to do this week? And it was like, well, it's already Tuesday. I don't know. We're not going to watch anything by Friday. So my hostage is us. But with that being said, we need, we're going to, we're going to rain it back in. We're going to get back on track. We just need good solid quick documentaries that we can watch plan in advance for next

Friday to following Friday and so on and so forth. Preferably under two hours in length. Right. I was saying maybe exit through the gift shop, the Banksy documentary. That could be pretty good. Maybe something to do with hard knocks. I don't know. Just tell us.

This Friday, we have something special planned next Friday. We got you. And then my cool throne is Burning Man. It's back on. It's on. Yeah. Shout out to Artie Atkin on Twitter for sending me this, but there he sent me a noisy article and this is the headline Burning Man podcast.

Burning Man is a news organization. Burning Man is going virtual and so are the orgies. Hell yeah. So Burning Man is good. So we're going to wait. So we're going to sit in our houses, listening to music and jack off because someone else is going to be jacking off. So it's cool.

It's going to be like a Zoom J.O. Sesh. Okay. Yeah. That's my, I mean, I didn't read the article. I just read the headline that he tweeted at me, but a virtual orgy sounds like the worst type of orgy. I don't know.

Like a B.C. Ality orgy. At least when you're done, you can just kind of shut your laptop and be like, all right. Be like, I did this. I'm ashamed. Like, uh, hard ware... You know what? I take that back and orgy sounds like a lot of pressure.

There's a lot of worst std orgy. Yeah. Oh, there's a lot of red flags that go up if you're going to an orgy. Yeah. No, you don't want your car to get parked in because that's awkward. If you have to leave and you're like, hey, can somebody move their car or they're like... I don't think orgy are a real thing. No, they are.

I think like I'm 26. I still don't think that's one of those things where it's like, it still doesn't seem real to me. Key West, Key West, you'll, you'll change your mind pretty quickly. Uh, what, what I don't want to say about orgies is like, what happens, I would come so fast. Like, do they, do they have like a buffet that you can hit up after? Like, what do you do? I'm sure you sit there, you sit there and just talk about like, Oh, okay. I feel like it's, it's, you guys are going to keep going. It's like a wedding reception

where I'm sure there's a buffet, there's a sign seating, you sit down, you meet your neighbor, that sort of thing. And then an MC gets up and he's like, okay, let's get this started. Then he brings out like a ringer and then the ringer and him get started. Then everyone else just kind of goes at it on the table. So in that analogy, I'd be the guy with, uh, I would have the tie around my head on the first song, sweating through my shirt and then be like, Oh, I'm done. Yeah. I'd get the belt off and do the limbo way too early. Yes. I just have somebody grab my wiener and that would be the limbo steak and they'd be like, I can't fit on there. Yeah, it's over. Uh, was that it? That's it. All right. My hot seat. My hot seat is

not hot seats. My hot seat is Rick Newheisle. So last time you've seen Rick Newheisle, Richard, he might have been doing a college football half time show or post game show playing his guitar and singing some song that he wrote about football. Well, guess what? He's got some company because Gary Patterson is putting out an album. So Gary Patterson, the coach at TCU has spent the last couple of weeks recording an album of some sort. He's being very tight lipped about exactly what type of music it is, who he's co-writing it with, but he says he's got 15 songs of material. He's got, uh, he's, where's that vest, right? Well, no, he's the shirt changer shirt changer. I thought he was a vest guy too. He, he occasionally does the vest, but he sweats and he'll change his shirt

at halftime. Yeah. So, um, I, I'm excited to see what's going to, I hope that this starts a trend. I'd like to see more college football coaches get into releasing albums. Isn't this, isn't this a way to get through recruiting loopholes? Like if you wrote a song specifically for a five star recruit, why is that called like put your hand in the dirt? You think that's not, I'd love to see in my purple shirt that beats out all the text messaging rules and stuff and phone calls. Yeah. If you write a love song about, about a five star quarterback every year from like Plano, Texas. Yeah. I like that. I would love to see Mike Leach record some songs. I'm sure he has already, right? Yeah. Although I don't, he strikes me as a guy who doesn't play

instruments. He just has a tambourine and he plays that and he brings it everywhere. He's like, you want me to hop in for a set? He could also, he could be a harmonica guy if he had the vest. Yep. I could see him. He's played a lot of interest instruments. He's tried every instrument. He's got, yeah, he's got a study filled with like a trumpet, two types of saxophones, a bass. Obo maybe. He probably has several harps that he's purchased after watching Who Would Have the Rings or some shit. Yep. So yeah, I'm really looking forward to Gary Patterson's album coming out. My cool throne is the circle of life for fullbacks. So James Devlin walked away from the game. Sad. It's very sad and Angel gets his neck roll and as Belcha gave him high appraise and

he gave Brady pretty much. Yeah. He retires as a patriot. Good for him. You never see that anymore. You know, I like players that really take pride in the team that they, they were around for so long. And as he departs, the Ravens got, who I believe to be the next James Devlin in the draft. So not only did our buddy Danny Vitale go in and take James Devlin's spot in the roster, I think he'll be great New England, but the Ravens got a guy from Kennesaw State. You remember Kennesaw State? They're the ones that had the turnover plank, which was the best turnover accessory. They got Meryl Hodge, we call him a factorback. He's six foot tall, runs a 4.4840, 230 pounds, and then put up 35 reps on the bench. And I'm not even gonna say his name because he's a fullback

and you'll, you'll find out his name soon enough. So it's the circle of life. It continues the bull in the ring of life for the fullback position. Okay. My hot seats is all of us again because UFOs exist. And Tom DeLong was the guy. Yep. What the fuck? Well, no, he's been, dude, he's been beaten this drum for 10, 15 years. He was absolutely right, which is crazy to think about. The guy that was writing songs about aliens and like jacking off a dog was 100% logical about his alien take. Hold on. Do you see a credit for that? Because if you're, if you don't think that aliens exist, you're a fucking moron. Well, does it like that seems like such an obvious thing. I guess he's more passionate about it. But I would say the people who are like, Oh yeah, there's no aliens.

They're, they're the idiots. Well, you know why blame is Elon Musk. So him and Tom DeLong like switched personalities at some point 10 years ago, where Tom DeLong started working with all this technology to track down extraterrestrial life and did it. And then Elon Musk tried to bang pop stars and make a bunch of 69 420 jokes on Twitter. So like, I would blame your Elon Musk, I would blame Mark Hoppus a little bit from blink 182, because he doubted Tom. I mean, I saw those videos that it's real. Yes, very real. Yeah. So why can't the aliens come down and fix this fucking mess? Maybe the aliens did this to us. Think about that. Damn it. All right, my cool throne is graphic visual visualization. So I feel like this is one. I'm very

interested in the industries that are getting a boom from coronavirus. So I actually think bow ties are getting a big boom because every time I turn on CNN, there's a fucking weirdo doctor and a doctor who tries to dress up for TV. What do they do? Wear a bow tie. The people who are making the gifts of like, you know, like the spread of coronavirus, the charts, it's got to be off the charts for them right now. No pun intended. Nate Silver is behind this. It's insane. Every day I see a fucking visualization of some shit that I don't even understand that has all these repercussions about the economy and deaths and all these things. And I'm thinking, there's some guy who's making a fucking killing off this. So you're thinking that it's the nerds

that are behind someone. Someone is benefiting. I would like to interview anyone whose industry has just, and I'm not talking about like, Oh, I'm work for a healthcare company and I'm selling a shitload of ventilators because people need iron lungs. I'm talking about the subtle ones that we don't, they don't really meet the eye right away. The people who are like, Oh, that guy, he's actually crushing it right now. The pornography companies. Yeah. Absolutely killing it. Well, they're, I mean, they're bulletproof. They are recession proof. I'd say they actually do better in a recession. Correct. Sad Spanx or they count almost more correct than normal Spanx. Yeah. What are the companies I would say? Like, you know, your seamless is obviously your zooms.

Those are too obvious though. Too obvious. The ones that are flying under the radar. Here's one. Electric companies. Electric companies. Good one. Hard candy companies because people are dying in funeral homes need their hard candy. That's gross. Worthers. No, there's some funeral home companies. Yeah. Big funeral is behind this. Yeah. Bill Gates. No funerals. No. None. Social gatherings. No, but they, you still have to send the body somewhere. Right. And someone has to go and eat the hard candy. I don't agree. Why don't, what don't you agree with that? He's right. There aren't funerals. Like you can't have. They're having virtual funerals. They are without hard candy though. Without hard candy. Everyone brings their own hard candy. It's like the orgy. It's what they

would have wanted. Grandma loved Worthers. Yeah. Although Worthers is getting passed down and inherited probably more than people going on buying it. So that probably comes out in the wash. The subtle, the subtle, the subtle places. Hmm. The cracks look inside the crack. Look under the rocks. That's how we'll find out how this thing happened. Divorce attorneys. Really benefiting. Yeah, but like, do you think people, well, all right, why'd you have to bring that up? I wasn't talking about that guy. Okay. Well, how about that girl? That girl. Yeah. Maybe, maybe, maybe the problem was Jay, you remember the news that came out a while ago that Jay unclogged her boobs because he was so good at sucking the milk out. That's gross. Maybe he just, maybe he did too

good a job and she started leaking. I'm just trying to think. There's got to be other places. I'll think, I'll make a list. Places that we don't think about that are just having, that are fucking stacking cash right now. Central American ping pong leagues. Yes. True. Nicaraguan soccer. Speaking of ping pong. Speaking of ping pong, Thursday night, 6 p.m. The rivalry renewed. Back on. PFT versus Hank. Seven games. Don't wear, make sure you wear a shirt that doesn't show your sweat. I don't own a shirt that don't show my sweat. I'm going to comment and it's going to get in your head again. Listen, the shirt last time was a bad choice for the athletic event. I'll, I'll wear that. Well, you're wearing right now. Dark, dark shirt, dark

colors. What I really want to do is wear all orange so that Hank can't see the ball when it's coming at him. Like at Wrigley Field when they used to wear white out in center field. You can't, you can't do that. No, I mean, you can do whatever you want. Whatever you want. Whatever you want. Is this a gentleman's game? Yeah. Well, you broke your paddle. I think it's a scoundrel's game. Oh, okay. Do whatever you want, PFT. Whatever advantage you think you can get. All right, tune in part of my take twice. It's not going to matter. Let's get to our interview. We got Woody Page. Before we do that, PFT, you got a word for before Woody Page. Yes, before we get to Woody, I want to talk to you guys about 1-800-FLOWERS. This one person in life, I want you to picture them. This one person's

always been in your corner. It's your mom. From guiding you through life's mishaps to offering real world advice and a shoulder to lean on, mom's made the ultimate investment in you. So this Mother's Day, celebrate her with 1-800-FLOWERS.com. Right now, when you order early at 1-800-FLOWERS, you can get 30 assorted tulips for 20% off the original price. It's a great way to make every mom feel loved when it matters the most. This is the time to get your mom a Mother's Day present. You wait too long. You're not going to be able to get it to her in time. Right now, order in advance. Have it scheduled. You know, boom, that's one last thing that you have to take care of. Your mom's going to be so happy with you, with a bright mix of orange, yellow,

and pink blooms. They're tulips that are guaranteed to show all the moms in your life just how much they're loved. 1-800-FLOWERS is committed to safety of their own team members and of your family. So all deliveries are contactless. Picking an early delivery date ensures that your bouquet is going to arrive in time to make Mom's Day special. 30 assorted tulips for $39.99. That's an amazing offer. Availability is going to be limited, so hurry and order before Friday. Before Friday, okay? With limited delivery windows, you need to lock in your order early. Don't put this off. Order today from the official florist of Mother's Day, 1-800-FLOWERS.COM. You can order 30 tulips for $39.99 at 1-800-FLOWERS.COM. Click that radio icon in your promo code PMT.

That's 1-800-FLOWERS.COM promo code PMT. And now, what do you page? Okay, we now welcome on very special guest. You know him from around the horn or the fact that he's been a big J journalist for a very, very long time. He's seen it all. It is Woody Page. He also has a podcast called Unmutable. You can go listen to it right now. Woody, thank you so much for joining us. This is, as consumers of sports and sports media our entire life, this is an honor because you are a true big J journalist and also a very funny guy from around the horn. So thank you for joining us. Well, I've been a fan of you guys for quite a while and we were compatriots for a couple of days, I think. Yeah, I think it was like 30 minutes.

Yes. ESPN 2. That's what I am. You may have remembered. Yes. No, no, you're good. I actually want to start there because, you know, you have seen it all, you know, writing for newspapers, doing TV and now podcasting the evolution of sports media. You have literally just lived through all of it. Is there anything that surprises you at this point when it comes to where sports media has come from and where it is now? Do you think that we're blog boys and shouldn't be trusted or, you know, what exactly do you see our place in sports media and where you've come from? I'm very excited about what's going on in sports media, not given what we're going through now. But when I was a kid journalist in my 20s, and I'll tell you a very quick story. I was in Memphis,

Tennessee, my hometown, and they had an ABA team and they asked me to do the endless job. And just before we went on the air, they handed me this thing to put in my ear. And so the play-by-play guy said, I'm going to ask you about the center matchup. I'm like, great. So I'm talking about the centers of the Indiana Pacers and the Memphis pros. And I hear God talking to me. And I turned around because I couldn't understand what God was saying. God was saying, you got one minute and then go to the commercial. Nobody had ever told me about an IFV. The point of that. So I am looking around for who's talking to me. And finally, they ran out of the truck and they said, you're not supposed to respond to us. The point was that when I speak to college

journalists in classes, I always tell them that in five years, the job you're going to have doesn't exist because podcasts didn't exist. Radio talk shows barely existed when I was a kid. ESPN didn't exist. And so what you guys are doing and what other people are doing in the world of the sports right now in four or five years, and you know this now as veterans, who knows what's going to be the next step in terms of sports media? Because we're seeing, when I was talking about just before we went on the air, the ABA, I used to write a column for the sporting news. That was the biggest thing in the country along with Sports Illustrated and Sport Magazine. And sporting news barely existed if it does anymore. And Sport Magazine has gone out of business and Sports

Illustrated has just gone out of business. So I couldn't dream of ever being on TV. I once asked to Kimba Mutombo that when he was growing up, did he dream of being in the NBA? And he gave me a great quote, I think which is true. He said, I couldn't dream to the end of the dirt road. So I think that's when you talk about what's going on in sports media now, we have no idea what will happen because you guys couldn't have existed five to six years ago. Yeah, right. We're very much a product of the age that we kind of came up in. And we did not go about this a traditional way. Like a lot of other people in this field right now. I get the feeling like, and maybe you can correct me on this, but when you were coming out of college, it must have

been extremely difficult to get your feet on the ground like getting getting that first job because they were so limited. You have to be affiliated with a newspaper or radio station. You know that the prospects for young sportswriters seemed like they were extremely limited compared to now. Well, I think I was very, I was very lucky and nobody's really ever asked me that story, but I worked all through college for the college radio station, the college TV station. I was editor of the data newspaper at the University of Tennessee. And when I got out of school, my thought was that I was going to go to Vietnam and die because that's what we were dealing with then. And I was a kid of the Vietnam War. And I got drafted. And I hoped that somebody would

give me a job in New Jersey or something instead of Vietnam. And I went to be to get my physical and I failed. And so I didn't quite know what I was basically going to do. I thought about teaching school. And I went to the newspaper in Memphis and I said, I'd like a job. And the guy said, well, we don't have any jobs. He said, where'd you go to school? I said, University of Tennessee. He said, Oh, the editor would like to talk to you. He's on the board of governors of Tennessee. I went in to his office and he said, so you went to Tennessee and I said, yes, sir. And he said, hang on a second, he picked up a phone and he said to some guy, I'm going to send a kid out, give him a job. That's crazy. You pulled a John L. Way on draft day. Yeah, I don't want to go to

a John L. Way story for you because you guys are not happy that John L. Way likes tall quarterbacks. Yes. Well, no, I wouldn't say that would he. I think we are happy that he likes tall quarterbacks because it gives us something to joke about all the time. Well, and also, I think we break this is breaking news for you guys. Okay. All right. Go ahead. Okay. Brock Oswiler, Paxton Lynch. We go through all this together. The Broncos sign a free agent quarterback named Riley Neil out of Vanderbilt. He's six, six. Oh, hell yes. I love it. Perfect. He's got a classic L. Way. Do you think now you obviously covered John as a player and now as a front office guy. What is the vibe in Denver right now in terms of the job he's doing because it feels like he

might be teetering a little bit with the fan base when he took over in 2011. I had a meeting with him actually a day before they introduced him and I said, John, what's going to happen if you don't do well at this executive job because you are a guy that they'll put a statue of in the airport and downtown. And I said, what happens if you do a terrible job? And he said, I haven't thought about that for a minute. I said, well, you might want to think about it because a lot of Marino became like general manager of the Dolphins for about three days or something. Yep. And a lot of other Ted Williams failed. Matt Millen. I mean, you've seen it right now with Phil Jackson. You know, obviously he's the best coach of all time, but he was really bad with

the Knicks. Yeah. I don't think John had really thought that out that it could be bad. Well, the last couple of years, there was almost a ruination, not totally, but there was somewhat of an erosion, you put it that way, of his stature in Denver because of the poor job he had done drafting. He saved himself when they won the Super Bowl 50, but they haven't, you know, they haven't pissed a drop the last four years. And so I think that it was having an effect. People wanted it fired all the time. That was a constant topic of discussion. And it really continued up until the Drew Lock appearance at the end of last year. Drew Lock may save John Elway's job. And I just find that like poetic justice that John Elway probably

saved Dan Reeve's job in 1983. And it could be that Drew Lock does it. So that's why I think John was so intent in this draft and drafting as many people that will help Drew Lock because in turn that will help John Elway. Yeah. And I think that Drew Lock is going to be a very good quarterback. I saw some pretty good stuff out of him his rookie year that made me say, okay, this guy has something to him, like a little bit of that moxie where I think he actually can be the next guy in Denver. But there's also kind of like a double edged sword with what they did in this draft, because this offseason they've gotten him so many weapons on offense that if he so much as takes a step back or regresses at all, he's kind of in an interesting situation going into next

year where it's like he might not be the guy unless he totally goes out there and wows you. Well, I don't think anybody can determine right now Drew Lock's future. I mean, based on five games, but he was very successful most for it. I like his swagger. I've gotten to know him. And I like his swagger, which is a term that's probably overused, but he's got a, I would call it confidence. And he's got a strong arm. He's got a John Elway kind of arm. And he did play impressively down the stretch last year. But how important was that? They weren't going anywhere. The teams they weren't, they were beating Detroit. I mean, they were beating team graders. They weren't really beating teams that were good. So again, I think that the idea

was to surround him and they drafted three wide receivers and they added two more wide receivers that were undirected free agents. They added to, here's an interesting thing and I haven't written and really haven't seen it. They got five guys that in the combine or in quote pro days were in four fours. So when you think about that, they're chasing and copying the Kansas City Chiefs. They're doing their best to get into position. They've lost lost nine straight games to Kansas City. I mean, Kansas City has become as dominant as the Broncos were against Kansas City when Peyton Manning was here. And that's the only way you're going to, in the AFC West with Kansas City and now Las Vegas and now Los Angeles, that all three of those other teams have got to chase

the Kansas City Chiefs. And oddly enough, I think the Chiefs had the best draft of the four of them. Yeah. I'd agree with that. So can we talk about around the horn real quick? You are the winningest and losingest around the horn panelists of all time. You're also the longest tenured. You're basically Brett Favre of around the horn. You throw the most touchdowns and most interceptions. Is there a certain level of like you actually do want to win these arguments? And is there a rival that you like, man, I wish I could go back against this person because they really put it on. You guys are competitive now. I don't see Hank wherever Hank is. He's behind you. He's behind the computer. Yeah. That's who I really want to talk to is Hank.

That when you guys talk and do your podcast, you're competitive. You want to win the argument, right? Yeah. If you have an argument about the Washington football club or said the Patriots or Chicago, you want to win the argument. I don't think there's anybody on the show and I've been doing it for 18 years now since the first show. Everybody wants to win and people say, well, it must be fixed. It's not fixed. You don't really know. If you win around the horn for people who don't know, you get 30 seconds to talk about whatever you want to. Well, I don't even think about what I'm going to talk about. It just works out. But every day, the concept is by me and I think everybody, Sarah Spain from Chicago,

Tim Kalashaw from Dallas, Bill Plasky, you go on. Everybody wants to win the show because you're competitive. So it's not fixed. We don't know who's going to win. Tony and I don't think Moses is going to win until the last second. And so from that nature, but I laugh when you said that because people say, gosh, you've lost more than anybody. I think there's a famous plaque about Babe Ruth striking out 30,000 times. So are you going to keep going so that your win number becomes untouchable and you have the true record in sports that can never be, someone's got to be on this show for 18 more years and you're still going. You are Brett Farm. You're like, I'm going to keep throwing touchdown passes, hoping no one can catch me.

Well, I will take, and I always speak the truth. Everybody knows me that I expected I would go away like seven or eight years ago and never thought about the wins. I have a trophy that's that the governor of Colorado gave you the subtle part when he gave it to me that says 600 wins all around hard. What makes it just like your show? It's fun. It's fun to do. Yeah. It's not the most difficult thing. If you look at my hands, they're soft. I've never had a job in my life. Same. Log hands. Log hands. So I think I signed a new contract. They didn't make a big deal out of it. I signed a new contract at the end of the year to go for two more years. And I've never said this publicly or even probably, but I suspect that two more years. Okay. You're like Tom Brady.

You're just calling two more years. If you like, you can do this. Yeah. And then and then walk off into the sunset. I mean, your record would be insurmountable at that point. If you continue on the path that you've been on for the next couple, you're like Ricky Anderson was stolen basis. No one's ever going to touch you. Yeah. Yeah. Ricky Henderson and I. Yeah. But Tom Brady and me in a sentence, you put me and Ricky Henderson. I'm sitting here. I decided last night that everybody's coming up with the different plans for what's going on during the coronavirus. Last night, I, I shocked myself up. I've been home like 15 straight days. I go out for a long walk every day and give people a finger. They don't have a mask on. But last night I

decided I'm going to invent something that when you touch the light socket, you don't get shocked. If you wondered why that's never been, I assume when you walk around your house that you'll touch something and you get shocked and you know it's going to happen. Why hasn't there been an invention? I know you don't want to talk about it. Well, no, you're talking about just baby proofing your own house. Wait, are you talking about the light switch or the actual sockets? Well, I don't stick my finger in the socket. Right. Right. No, but I touch it. I touch light switch or a lamp or something and I get shocked all the time. Yes, because you probably have luscious carpets around your entire house and you wear nice wool socks and you're just walking around just getting the friction going.

No. I think, I think you just invented having a better electrician install all your appliances because I've never gone up to a lamp and touched it and be like, God damn, I just shocked myself on that lamp. So I'm the only one. Yeah, I think you might be. Yeah. I'm the only one on this show who's won 620 times. That's an ultimate trump card. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. I noticed that you do have your trademark chalkboard in the background behind you that you have on every show. My first question is before you tell us what's on that one, who comes up with these for you? I do. All of them? We wrote a book. I won't promote anything you guys can do, but I came out with a book about two or three years ago with 2000 of the quotes and people always ask me, how'd you come up with it?

I was in New York with Cole Pizza with a guy whose name I forget. I think he's on another network and I was doing Cole Pizza and First Take and the show that Steven A and Max do now and I was doing a show called Dream Job. Do you remember that? Yeah. Yeah. I was a judge with Steven A on Dream Job and so I was doing a bunch of shows there and all I had in the background was like this, a bookcase that had nothing in it and they wanted to put helmets in the books and stuff and I said to my associate, I said, we need to come up with something and he said, what are you thinking about? I said, well, maybe we'll put a blackboard up and make fun of Jay Mariotti or something. We put it up and a true story, you dealt with the ESPN. I got a call from the vice president of the

ESPN and he said, get rid of the fucking blackboard. He said, that's not ESPN. I went, okay, I was just trying something. A week later, he called me back and he said, put the fucking blackboard. I said, oh, the viewers responded. He said, no, the president of ESPN likes it. Hell yeah. Sometimes that's what I came up with. Who writes, I sit in the bar and write on bar napkins and the next day I'll look at the bar napkins and I go, that is awful. And most of them are, I mean, I've got four here. The one behind me says, wouldn't touch him with a six foot pole is now national policy. I like it. I like it. Be safe out there. That's good. It's got a little bit of news to it. I mean, in terms of, yeah. So Woody,

I always find it fascinating. You've obviously, like we said at the top, have been a columnist in sports for so long. So you're also part of the pro football hall of fame selection committee, which we talked to David Baker at the super bowl. So who in your mind is the greatest quarterback that you've ever seen and spoken with and covered? I think that there's a legitimate argument on best quarterback of all time. And I felt like for years and years, it was Joe Montana because and I voted for him for the pro football thing. I think when you go to four super bowls and you win all four of them, what more you want? Terry Bradshaw really never got the attention for being a part of it. Steelers team that was a dynasty. And I thought he should have gotten

more attention for it, but people always thought considered him as being dumb and that he that he was a result of what a great defense they had and other players, Frank O'Harris and all those wide receivers they had. But Brady is the best in terms of what he has accomplished. I don't think there's any doubt about that. Joe Montana, I mentioned, but John Elboway, and I go back to Johnny Unitis. How's that? Johnny Unitis, when I was young, I didn't think there'd ever be anybody as good at Johnny Unitis. And I still think he belongs in the conversation. Yeah, I would put him in the top two paragraphs if I were going to do it. But I have that debate with myself. Peyton, who I know real well, because I covered Archie, his father, and we both went to Tennessee.

And I knew Peyton from when he was a little kid. I have a great Peyton story. Yeah, we want it. Yeah, Peyton was the best cerebral quarterback. So when you ask about that, I mean, there's never been he totally recreated the position with the what I said to him once people said, well, he's got to hurry up offense. No, he had to hurry up and wait offense. And you know that. Yeah, he would go to the line scrimmage and diagram everything. I talked to Adam Gase one time and I said, how difficult is it? He was the offensive coordinator for the Broncos. I said, how difficult is it for you to get the plays into Peyton? He said, he wants to play the moment the last play ends. That's when he wants to play because he wants as much time as he can have to absorb it. So he said,

while the previous play is going on, I'm coming up with two plays to give him because he's going to choose. And so I don't think there's ever been a better mental quarterback cerebral court quarterback. I don't think there's ever been a quarterback that was more creative than John L. White, Brett Favre, John L. White. I liked both of them in regard to their creativity and and Brett Favre told me once that he copied his game after Peyton's father Archie and people really don't remember Archie other than being associated with his sons. And he was a great quarterback with one of the worst teams that ever existed. Yeah. Did you vote for Tio on the first ballot? Sure. Yeah. Are you just saying that? No, there was a linebacker for the New York Giants

who said, don't put me in the Hall of Fame. You're a bunch of old drunk, stupid, uh, sports writers or something. And I said, uh, I'm not a drunk. And he said, don't put me in. I don't want to ever be put in. And we voted him in and he kind of forgot about all those statements. Yeah. Here's the deal. If O.J. Simpson came up today, let's say he didn't get in and he came around in the senior committee, you'd have to vote for it because the way that the rules for baseball and I vote for the baseball Hall of Fame, baseball is totally different. Baseball's rules include that you're off field, uh, Pete Rose, Barry Bonds, that that counts. In football, it's what happens between the lines. Interesting. Baseball's got the character clause, but still couldn't you just be like,

O.J. Simpson, uh, I'm just going to not vote for him and hope that nobody else does either. Sure. I'll give you an example of Ray Guy came up who was, I think, the greatest punter up to his period of time. And a lot of people voted against Ray Guy because he was a pretty bad, in that no pun intended, he was a pretty bad guy for a punter. I mean, he had a poor attitude. So I think guys look at that, but because it's a secret ballot, unlike what's going on now in baseball where all of your, uh, ballots are revealed that because it's a secret ballot, uh, that guys, uh, might vote against somebody that they didn't like when they were playing, you know, nobody held it against Ray Lewis the first year he might have been involved.

Well, he was involved. Yeah, he was. So, so you are, as we said earlier, a big time capital J. You've been around for a while. We always joke around on the show about rooting for storylines. Would you rather, would you rather write about a Denver Broncos team that goes through a season that is 11 and five, but they average 16 points a game? They have a pretty solid defense. They win a lot of really close ones, but they're pretty boring. Or write about a team that, you know, gets into barn burns. Let's just say write about a team that has Tim Tebow come back. Somehow they average 30 points per game, but they go four and 12. Well, people who are my peers, Bob Ryan's and Bill Plasties, uh, Tim Kalashel's,

when you ask them who they pull for, or what they pull for, they'll always take the thumbs and go, me, and that's what we pull for. We pull for stories. We don't, I used to pull, I've been the 32 master, I've come with 32 masters. I always pull for, uh, playoffs. I thought that was the most fun. Truthfully, uh, when the Broncos are really bad, that's a lot easier to write. It's a lot easier, you know this, it's a lot easier to be critical like the Bears. Don't you think that it was more fun to talk about how bad the Bears were this year than how good they were maybe before? Well, I'd like them to be good, but yeah, you're absolutely right. When their team gets really bad, I always say that the no man's land in the middle where they're like mediocre is just

painful because then you don't, you can't get excited for being a good team or get excited to bash a really bad team. So do you, have you ever in your career cheered in the press box? Yes. Oh, shame, shame, shame. In 1969, 1970, I told you I had gone to school at the University of Tennessee. They played Ole Miss, uh, University of Mississippi. Archie Manning was the quarterback. I, that was my first college game to cover. They sent me to the Tennessee Ole Miss game, which both teams were undefeated. And Tennessee had fourth down and goal at the one and the quarterback Bobby Scott threw it to the corner where the cone was. And if the receiver falls out this way, it goes over and he falls this way. He falls out of bounds. I get up in a press box

in Jackson, Mississippi. You know, Mississippi has its issues with people and I got up in the press box and I started screaming and they all looked at me and I thought, I'm going to die here. And I sat back down and I said, that's when you stop being a fan. Oh, so you haven't done it since. Wow. Well, not, not even thought about it. Someone over the years, one Twitter and said, what team you pulled for and I went, nobody. And that's, I didn't tell him that story, but that's the truth and people don't really believe that and think I've got to be a fan. Have you, uh, have you ever pulled a youngster aside, a young journalist aside and told them,

hey, don't let me catch you clapping in the press box again? No, I haven't. I don't care. I like that. All right. I got one last question for you, Woody. Uh, thank you for joining us. By the way, everyone go listen to his podcast, Unmutable. Who is the most interesting athlete you have ever covered? Uh, a guy called the great Tom. The most fun I have is going to Olympics since I've been to 14 or 15. And if you were able to see where here, I've got a poster for maybe Olympics that time, but Albert Tomba was a skier for idling. And he want to go meddling I don't know, 92 or 94. And he came in and he didn't speak English. And so people said,

well, how'd you celebrate last night? He said, I was up till four and a clock in the morning to six women. I remember this guy. He's a good looking guy. So I thought, I like this guy. He's got coming with some real stuff. So the next Olympics, he wins another gold medal. And the first I asked the question I said, so how'd you celebrate last night? Well, his agent did the translation and said, Oh, I had a bottle of milk and went to bed because I have to work out for this day. Well, that's not the quote I'm looking for after four years earlier. And someone from Detroit, a woman journalist got up and said, I speak Italian. That's not what he said. And everybody went, okay, what did he really say? He said, well, last time I stayed up to four

o'clock with six women on the lot order. I was up till six a.m. with four women last night. I love it. I like he's, yeah, he's maturing a little bit. Yeah, doing a serving for me. And Michael Jordan, I've been writing about the last band. Michael and I became friends over the years and played blackjack together and Monte Carlo. How much might you take off them? You have to be friends there. Yeah. Did he scold you if you made the wrong move on the blackjack table? I got a blackjack. He got two eighths, got a third eight. I bet 25, equivalent of $25. He bet 4000 on the first band. He ended up getting five eighths. Holy shit. And he ran out of money. It was about a $25,000 bet, the first bet. And he stood up and he said, Chuck, go give

me some more money. And I turned around Charles, he was sending Chuck to be his messenger. He gave some more money. He lost all five hands. I'm celebrating by blackjack and he looks over to me and said, you really don't want to celebrate. That's great. I was at that casino in Monte Carlo one time. I swear to God, red, it was either red or black. One of the two colors hit 19 times in a row. No bullshit. There's something up with that casino. That is, were you in the original casino? Yeah, the real one, except it felt a little low class because they let me in. And I was expecting everybody would be around me like wearing tuxedos like it was a Bond movie. And I'm wearing shorts looking like a strung out Joe Dirt. And they're

like, yes, sure, go on in. So that was a little disappointing. It's a very quiet casino and it's not much fun action, but you're right. It's like you walk in thinking you're going to be in a James Bond kind of atmosphere. And instead you got me and Michael Jordan and Charles Berkeley. All right. Well, Woody, thank you. This has been so much fun. We really appreciate it. And you're welcome back anytime. We'd love to have you back on. So thank you very, very much. I want to get you guys on my show, but I'm more interested in Hank being on my show. Yes. Hank on your show. He's booked. We're booking Hank. My best friends in television, all we showed them were the guys that were behind the camera. Yes. Hank is booked. He can do it

anytime. Yeah, I'm going to go ahead and schedule them. When's good for you, Woody? How about an hour and a half? Do a Zoom meeting. We're going to have Hank though. Everyone, that's Hank on by Jeff one day. Yeah. I want to have each one of you. So, just ask. Yeah. Yeah, we'll do it. Thank you so much, Woody. That interview with Woody Page was brought to you by Dude Wipes. This is brought to you by the dude brand. The dudes from Dude Wipes are back to save all our assets from toilet paper again, this time with the brand new Dude Wiper 1000, a bidet attachment. Hey, Dude Wipes, if you're listening right now, might want to get one of those on the way to us just in case Christian

Yellows has to participate in the home run derby. The Dude Wiper 1000 is a lean, mean, poop destroying machine that cleans, refreshes, and eliminates odor all at the same time. Don't send toilet paper to do a man's job. Use our dual action nozzle for a targeted butt spray, a refreshing wash to get a refreshing custom clean. With our idiot proof installation, start spraying in three simple steps. Remove your toilet seat, hook up to a clean water source, and then slap the seat back on. No plumber required for just $99 with the Dude Wiper 1000. Your privates are going to be poopless. Pre-order your Dude Wiper 1000 today at DudeProducts.com while supplies last. If you've never used something like the Dude Wiper 1000, the bidet, change your life. Change your life guaranteed.

You will love it. $99. Go to DudeProducts.com. Get your Dude Wiper 1000. Okay, we now welcome on our good friend, recurring guest. It is Brian Koppelman. He has the show Billions that you all know of that I personally love. It is back on Sunday, May 3rd. Tune in 9 p.m. It's not up against anything else, so you gotta tune in. You have no excuse. Seven episodes coming up, and then you're going to tape the last five when all of this gets back to normal. But thank you for joining us. Do you want to give us one little like, here's what you should tune in for? Who dies? Yeah, everybody dies. It's right. Within the first five minutes, there's an explosion killing the entire cast. It's really incredible. No one's ever seen anything

like it, and then we have to restart the whole thing. Listen, big cat, the fact is here's all I'm asking you. Sometime during the seven episodes, go watch the pilot of the show. I will. I'm gonna watch it. It's a great show. I am. I don't know if you know, but I'm running a whole program out at USC, and it's a lot of work, but I will get to it. I'll tell you one thing that is a very underrated part of the show is the soundtrack that goes to the show. And that's our guy, Brian, hand selects all the songs. I've actually heard that they have to sell sponsorships into the show where you've got actors doing product placement just so that you can afford the licenses for the songs that you make and buy. Yeah, Dave and I are obsessed music fans. And yeah, the way showtime

does a really cool thing, which is any product placement stuff, instead of them taking it to like defray the budgetary costs, which like a lot of places would just be like, hey, we want you guys to have the character drinking whatever. They never say it. But if we have the character do something like that, and then we say to a brand, hey, if you're into this, the character will drink, you know, we can work something out every dollar that we get to spend on the show how we want. And it's always for music. So like we had a Led Zeppelin song last year. And and Led Zeppelin songs are expensive, but we were able to work it out that way. And so that's how we roll on it. It's a it's a really cool thing that normally companies don't do. And it

we're we're very psyched that they let us they let us do that and and get the songs that that we want to get. I got it right before we get into the Mount Flushmore. It's Mount Rushmore. We're doing an actual Mount Rushmore. That's right. Yeah. Before we get into that, I have been reading stuff that said, you know, that takes us back through history and says when there was a when we had the plague, the bubonic plague over in Europe. That's when Shakespeare wrote not only King Lear, but also Macbeth. So what famous work are you cranking out right now that we're going to talk about in a thousand years? It was like a text I sent you guys where I said, hey, I could come on for a few minutes to bullshit tonight. That's it. That's it. I think that's my Shakespeare

rounders. Okay. Rounders two is in in the works. Yeah. Well, you know, I was thinking actually that the two of you guys would be a really good worm and Mike. There we go. If you I mean, that would I mean, it would work in a way if you think about it. And we get to sell all of our own ads and you can make it. Yeah. And then you like NASCAR drivers playing poker. Then because then we use the money we just buy drink paint and we play that as the only sound and we make that money. How about this? How about here's the deal. We'll do your rounders to any money we win while playing poker and rounders to we get to keep. And you have me winning the World Series of Poker at the end.

So we played this. You guys are going to like this. I think I've never I do not think the stories that have been told maybe once somewhere. But when we went to promote the movie, we it was Matt and Edward and Levine and and me and we went to Vegas to the World Series of Poker. And someone had organized within it a charity poker tournament. And the movie studio put up $10,000 to the charity. The movie studio and Binion's casino, I guess put up 10 grand for whoever won this little like eight person poker tournament. And two of the guys who played in it were like the technical advisors on rounders. And they were these half wise guys, the kind of guy who in Vegas, they were wearing Hawaiian shirts the whole time. And one of them came back

from an interaction with a Vegas call girl stripper. And I remember saying this saying that saying to the guy, he said, Oh, yeah, I just spent a lovely half hour with, you know, Teresa. And we said being innocent young and they were a little older than we said, did you use protection? And he said, nah, she was clean. And we said, how do you know? And he said, I smelled her ass when I was doing her dog. That's the kind of I'm just saying that's the kind of guy we're dealing with. So we play this charity poker tournament. And that guy, like, I guess cheated to win and he wins. And the head of the movie studio flips him $10,000 chip and is like, make sure that this gets to

charity, the charity. And he was like, Well, of course, sir. And later that night, we saw him take it and put it on like a red in the roulette game table and just try to roll into a whole weekend. We were very young and in a certain way, shockingly sort of naive to certain aspects of the way things went. That's a great I would do the same. That'd be like you guys doing that. And you double it and then you give that half to charity and then you get your own. Yeah. Right. Keep doubling it. And the next thing you know, you own Vegas. All right. We're going to do the Mount Rushmore. So this idea came from your phenomenon that is everyone tweeting you their coffee mugs every single morning and hashtag Royale. What is the Royale?

I just decided the first cup of coffee in the morning is so special. I thought I needed its own name. Like it's, you know, nothing brings like when you think about when you wake up and you that first cup of coffee really like it just changes everything. And I decided just for my own quirky. I just named it the Royale for myself. And then I would talk about it on my podcast sometimes. And then occasionally would just tweet a picture of me with coffee, but never thinking it was anything that would catch on. Even use a hashtag in the beginning. And then a buddy of mine was like, dude, it's my friend Tom Kretschmar. He's a real life and internet friend. He said, he posted a picture of himself and he said, I think it would really

connect us all. If like, since we're all so separated because of COVID, if we could share this coffee together, like we're having coffee together in the morning, I loved it. And so I then I tell people, hey, start sharing your your pictures. So all these people start doing it. And then another guy who actually runs a poker site, Lance Bradley, he said, you should make mugs with your picture and give to your favorite charity. And a third dude, this guy, Chris Sylvester said, Gregory Sylvester said, I'll design them. And he's a designer. And he sent this hilarious design with me looking absurd in a crown. And all the money goes to the food bank in New York. You can go to the royalebk.com and get the official mug. But even if you don't get the official mug, the

idea is that in the morning, it's great. And I had no idea, but I mean, you've seen it like hundreds of people start sending pictures of themselves. It's great. It's great because it is true. The first cup of coffee is the bed. It's all I look forward to. It is the best. So this is the Mount Rushmore of life's little victories, like that first cup of coffee in the morning. Now you're our guest. So you can start. So it's a snake draft. So you'll go then PFT, then I get two, then it will swing back PFT, then you get two until we get four. And we're going to go life's small victories, actual Mount Rushmore because of the Royale. So if you want to pick the Royale, you can take the Royale as number one, which is a great one, but you can do it.

It's a great, safe one to do. I will say this, getting over seven minutes of cardio in. Okay, that's good. Good one. During this. The seven minutes is when you want to tap out, usually, if you get past that point of the workout. If you can just get past that seven, eight minutes of cardio during this thing, I think you can call it a win. You can say you did cardio that day. Yes. Okay. Good first pick. Good first pick. For my first one, I'm going to go with the first time you step inside and feel that blast of air conditioning on a super hot day. Yes. Like we were down in Miami for the All-Star Game a couple of years ago and it was about 99% humidity, but you step in that door and it just, it feels like heaven. Just heaven washes over you.

That's a good first pick. All right. I'm going to go with my first pick, which actually is kind of off of the music discussion. When you have the perfect song come on, whether it be in the car or when you're walking and you feel like you're in a movie and it's like that. Everyone knows that perfect song. You don't get it often. It's usually once a week, once a month if you're lucky, but when that perfect song hits for your mood, for the weather, for everything and it just feels like you were in the middle of your own movie, nothing better than that. Now inside of that moment, there's another moment that I found music because I thought about this too. Have you ever listened to a song for the first time and for maybe after like 45 seconds or a minute into it,

you know that you're going to go back and listen to this song another hundred times. Is that good? Yes. That's a great feeling knowing that you're about to wear out a song that you haven't worn out yet. Yes. That is a very good one. All right. My second pick is going to be when you wear a comfortable sweatshirt for the first time. Before it's first wash and you never want to take it off, I'll sometimes not wash the sweatshirt for a couple of weeks because it's like you just have to that softness. It fits right. It hasn't shrunk at all. You got the strings perfectly. You know when you lose a string in the wash? Like a hoodie. Yeah. It gets all screwed up and maybe the elastic on the bottom gets screwed up, but that first wear of a sweatshirt, you feel

like you could conquer the world when you're wearing a fresh new, perfectly fitting sweatshirt. That's a huge one for me. As a guy who was big, not as big as I was, but that's a huge one, the right sweatshirt. It's almost like an invisibility cloak. You're like, I can conquer the world. No one can fuck with me in this beautiful new sweatshirt and then you wash it and it's gone. Yeah. It's gone. It becomes a part of you if you wear it like five or six times a row without washing. And you get the little fuzzies on your arm. I love those. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Your second pick. My second pick is going to be when you come home from a vacation, you've been gone for a week, maybe a week and a half, two weeks, and your dog sees you for the first time because

you feel like the best person in the world. No matter what kind of shitty moves you pulled on that vacation, you come home, you walk in the door and your dog just treats you like you're a superstar. And it's tough to come down from that feeling. I actually believe it when he thinks I'm a superstar. I agree. I agree. Good pick. All right, Brian, you have two now. All right. One is the first either baseball or football catch you get to have when it turns into warm weather and throwing like if you when you throw the first spiral of the year and you actually like your shoulder doesn't you can actually just like let it go. I know I'm not talking to two guys who throw a lot of football necessarily. But for me, that feeling of like being out there and just

reminds me why I fucking love sports and why I've loved connecting in that way my whole life. And that when I was a kid, my dad would always have a catch with me. And even if he came home late from work, like I my pop was really cool about sports in that way. And like I did the same with my son. And I'll say that like I just when you asked the question, I looked across and I see a football and like we went out the other day and it was windy and we started throwing. And that feeling of, you know, going for a day down and out and catching it when you're kind of in rhythm and then spinning and throwing it. And that's a pretty magical kind of moment because it connects you to who you were as a kid and who you are now. You know how there's always like

signs that you need to see a doctor? Like if you have something wrong with you, you're like, oh, there's something, you know, wrong, I need to go check it out. I think there's a sign of are you still alive when someone's throwing a baseball or football in your vicinity and you have to say, yo, throw it here. If you don't throw it here, you're just dead. You're dead inside. You're dead. That's so awesome. I couldn't agree with you. I couldn't agree with you more. And then my second one, flinging it around, is that feeling, you guys both have facial hair. You know that feeling when you successfully carve around the mustache or goatee without taking it off accidentally? Yes. I know my facial hair is so bad. If I manage to do something good, it's totally

out of line. But when there's a moment, that moment, because you know, you could easily just slide the thing and then you got to shave yourself clean. Or you get like a little too high on one end and then you got to get a little too high. It just ruins the whole thing. It's a very precarious situation. It is. So you wait, right? You don't really fuck with it for a while and you let the thing grow in. But then when you finally have to deal with it and you kind of pull it off successfully, I don't know, it puts a little bit of a pep in your step. Yeah, it's true. It's good point. All right. P.S. your third. My third is going to be when you enter a stadium and you're walking around the concourse and you see that little sliver of grass for the first time through the

cement wall. You know that like little tiny bit as you're going out to your seat? That feeling, I feel that in my stomach. Every time I do it, it never loses its magic ever. Yep. That's a great one. Absolutely. The first time you see the uniforms, the grass, nothing better. All right. My last two. My third one is going to be when you get the perfect bite of pizza. And what I mean by that is it's got some crust, but it also has some tomato sauce and cheese left right before you get full crust. So it's the transition bite. And if you can time it perfectly, if you can get your, it's like a long jumper, getting his steps correctly. If you can get that step correctly and you get that perfect bite of pizza, beautiful. You bring up a good point because you have to take

those two bites before that. You have to think in the right proportion. Yeah. You got to be seeing the board like a chess board and being like, all right, I'm getting close. I got to make sure I leave a little bit here. This might be the closest I've ever felt to another human being. I knew you'd like that one. That is so deep to me. Yes. I knew you'd like that one. All right. My last pick is going to be, it is more of a vibe. So it's, everyone knows the golden hour, but I'm talking specifically a fall golden hour. So the sun is setting and you get that smell of either burnt leaves or a fire off in the distance, a wood fire, not a, not an actual fire that's like uncontrollable, but that, that beautiful sun is setting crisp air mixed with a

little bit of burnt leaves, wood, that right there. If you could bottle that up, you'd be a billionaire. That's it. It is nice. It's very nice. It's usually also when I'm losing every bet and I'm just looking at my phone, not actually enjoying the moment, but still alive. It reminds me of football. Yeah. That's a football smell right there. Right. That like, especially if you've been like cooped up all day watching football and you're like, you know what, I'm going to go outside and take a little bit of a walk and, and you get that you catch that and it's, it basically gives you just new life. It's found. They need to sell a candle that has that smell and just football scented candle. Yes. My last one is going to be when you, when you pull out a cool ranch

Dorito from the packet and it has the exact right amount of seasoning on it. Yep. And I'm talking like not completely overloaded, but just a thick coating on it on either side. So you don't know even which side you want to put tongue down or tongue up. Just like the perfect Dorito is such a nice little treat. Yes. That's a good one. That's a good one. All right. Your last one, Brian. My last one is very clear to me for, and I love the ones that you guys just did. My last one is when you decide it's time for a good fellas rewatch and you, and you sit down to watch it and that opening song rags to riches comes in, but watching it from there right up until the end of the air France heist. That first 50 minutes of good fellas for me is total Mount Rushmore

right up until air France made me and I did the right thing and he gives the money to Paulie. And that to me is perfection. I love that one because I had a similar one in my honorable mentions of when you sit down on the couch and you catch the beginning of a great rewatchable movie like just starting organically and good fellas is definitely on that list where it's like you're cruising, can't find anything to watch. Boom. Good fellas is just starting and you're like, all right, there goes my next two hours. Yes. What other, we do quick honorable mentions. The other one I had on there was the first week of new sneakers when you feel like you could be an athlete, when you have that tightness to it and a little bounce in it. The second half of the

first week after you're done breaking in all the rough edges, but that bounce, that bounce where you're like, I could totally see how I could be a marathon runner or like dunk a basketball just from that little bounce. And then it goes away and you're like, oh yeah, I'm a flat footed fuck. But that little moment is great. I had, if you're in financially dire straits, maybe you're a young kid coming out of college and you're on a date, you got to a nice meal and the server brings back your credit card and it was not declined. And you had that moment of I'm not totally sure if this is going to work or not. And when it comes back and you're all clear, you probably only have like $5 left on your limit or whatever. You know, you went right up to that

edge, but it's such a great feeling of relief. Yes. Do either of you guys know how to drive a stick shift car? Very poor. You wouldn't, I know how to drive it. You wouldn't want to ride with me when I'm driving it. Correct. Because the moment in the stick shift, you end up in a stick shift car, when you complete a perfect downshift from third to second going into a corner and you fucking nail it. So you accelerate right just the moment of nailing that thing and accelerating into a corner. You feel like you feel like you're a rock star. That's a great one. There's also in driving in New York City when you hit all the green lights and you feel like a surfer. But I mean, that's once a year. No, I'll get it because I drive on Sundays because you can park

for free. So we'll leave it like one or two in the morning. And if I can hit it, I legit feel like, so you never have to hit the gas pedal and you can go the entire like half of Manhattan without having to touch the brake pedal. And it's the best feeling. I have one honorable mention that goes with your pizza thing and your Doritos thing. And it's this, it's really good one for me. It's when you get whatever your favorite soda is, if you get to an old pizza place that still has a soda fountain with the perfect mix of the syrup to the bottle. This can never be replicated in a can or a bottle. No, no. And you just know it's just nailed. Yes. Exactly the way you like it, like not too carbonated, maybe just the right amount of carbonation, which is the right amount of

the soda syrup. And again, that's the kind of thing only happens a couple of times a year that it's just perfectly nailed. And you just feel like, okay, this could be it. This could be my death row meal. Yeah, slice of pizza. And that's that's a Shawshank beer. It is called a Shawshank beer. I would rooftop. I would put that right up with having the perfect order of fries like a fry that comes out to you. Yep. Perfectly crispy. And inside in there. Just exactly salty. Yes. Or a tater tot that that lost its way. Found it found its way up in the basket for ever. There's actually making me feel better. Yeah, it does. What about Mount Rush? What about when you're like maybe almost running late for an appointment and you get to your elevator and

the elevators at your floor already, right? Or similar the when you're running late and the train shows up the minute you get down on the platform. That is crazy amazing. That's just how about flipping over an egg and not breaking the yoke at all? Yep. Yep. Yeah. A great accomplishment. I agree with you. A great accomplishment. Though it's I'd say this the work required maybe makes it not quite exactly the thing we're talking about. Yeah. Which are like moments of serendipity. Right. That requires a little bit of training. These things are just like amazing moments. The only other one I had was when you are just about to reply all on an email when you're not supposed to and you catch yourself. That shit is a dip. Magic. Yeah. That's like dodging a train.

It's just like holy fuck. I could have just my whole world could have come down but I caught myself at the last second. The adrenaline because you know why? Because the adrenaline rush and the relief at the same time. Yes. You get adrenaline and cortisol somehow balance out in the perfect way. Logging into a website that you haven't been to in like five or six years and nailing the password on the first try. Yep. That's such a good feeling. That's a young man's game right there. It is. Young man's game. Nailing. That's what she said joke. Yes. Michael Scott. Yes. Getting it perfectly just and what just a walk off. Yeah. All right. This has been fantastic. We go forever. We Brian. Thank you so much. Everyone tune in to billions Sunday night. Like I said nine. This is

the plan. Let me tell the plan. Yeah. So the lad look I love the last dance. I haven't missed that episode. I can't wait for it. But here's the thing. There are commercials in last dance. So all you need to do is DVR last dance. Watch billions in its thought. Also if you don't want to do that billions becomes available at twelve oh one Saturday night when it becomes Sunday. So watch it beforehand. On demand. There you go. You can watch it all day Sunday. Get ready and then do last dance or just tape last dance. Watch billions and then roll into the two episodes and you won't have to do commercials. Hey guys you guys are awesome. Thanks for having me on to talk about this stuff. I feel better too. Yeah. Love this. I'm going to go chase that slice of

pizza. Yeah. And we'll see you tomorrow morning with the Royale Royale tomorrow morning. Yes. Love it. All right. Thank you Brian. Appreciate it. See you man. Bye fellas. All right. We'll wrap up here. We have bad visual Alex Smith's leg. Yeah. Fuck. How are you asking like how ESPN got it before. No I'm asking how does he still have his leg. It's nuts. It is. It's a terrifying reminder of what can happen to really anyone if you break your leg because a lot of times people think broken like oh not a big deal. They actually shoot race horses over that. Yeah. But Alex Smith broke his it was a compound fracture and it got super infected. He needed like 20 surgeries or something. I'm probably making that

number up. No it's 24. He had 24 surgeries to clean it all up. Also made that up. Okay. It looked like if you left the gusher out in the sun for eight hours it was bad. Are you looking at it right now Peppa. I'm glad he's all right. Is he. Yeah I think so. Maybe not though like mentally I don't think I'd ever get over that. Spin zone if you're an R words player and you get injured you don't have to hang out with Bruce Allen all the time because he's going to not visit you in the hospital. True. You're going to have to hang out with that thick bag. He also yeah Alex Smith get better. Well he's better maybe. He's also got a lot of money. Yeah that's good. Yeah and he's probably he's regarded as one of the most solid dudes in the NFL. He's a dude. He's a solid dude. He's a great

guy. Recurring guest. Recurring guest and he's going to go somewhere in a front office and make a lot of money for a long time. Oh my prediction. Oh nice. Okay you just get better at quarterback by hanging out next to him. Yeah absolutely. Hank guys on checks. Hello gentlemen. What up. So my boyfriend is constantly spreading his legs out and rapidly shaking his body to quote unquote unstick his ball sack from his legs. Yep. Is this normal. Yep. You could just like pinch it. Do the old pinch and twirl. That's absolutely normal. I don't know if it's depending where you live right now it shouldn't be normal. Like if he's doing in the winter maybe not so normal. Well inside a house you don't know what type of environment she keeps.

True. But yeah the I think I feel like that's one of life's biggest rivalries is women not understanding that we like to touch our testicles all the time. It's not always for pleasure. Don't get me wrong sometimes it's a two for where it can be both business and pleasure. It's all it's a lot of times just being like yep they're still there. Yeah a lot of times you just have to you know you have to make sure that it's hanging independently. Yeah. And it's for your own good too. He's trying to stay fertile. So soon to be thicker cat and tick tock. I'm actually on a diet. Thank you very much. I was bored listening to some of the OG episodes of PMT on my flight home the other day. You comma there. I was bored comma listening to some of the OG episodes.

There's no comma here. Fuck. And notice PFT didn't say love you guys at the end of any of them. Can he remember the exact moment he fell in love with us. Oh wow. I've always been in love but I wanted to hear you guys say it first. Wow. When was that. I've been burned before. Jake Marsh find out when the first love you guys. If I remember I think the first episode I wanted to say something like Tony Kornheiser. I might say like love you Mexico because he always says good night Canada. Yeah. But eventually I just said that I love you. I just I couldn't hold it in anymore and I just I was about to burst. Yeah what people don't see is a really PFT actually masturbates when he says that every single episode when we finish. No I'm just right in front of me. I'm peeling it from the

side of my life. He just furiously masturbates while saying love you guys. Speaking of masturbation how many jerk offs per day is acceptable during self quarantine. It depends on your situation. There are a lot of factors that go into that. Yeah. You can't. Yeah you can't. You're by yourself and you're like in your early 20s. I'd imagine it's become a disgusting act. What if you're by yourself in your early 30s. Well what's the difference. Probably you probably don't have as much tea bro. Oh man I can't wait till you lose your tea. I would say if you're a guy who's lost all his tea it sucks. If you're 23 and your ceiling doesn't have stalactites coming from it yet then you've got some low tea issues. I want to get that cleaned up. When are you guys going

to do another part of my bake. Never. Never. Never ever. Definitely never Friday. Hey boys especially Spiral Ham's Jockey. I couldn't help but notice that in the cover of Sports Illustrated Coach Doug's wearing a wedding ring. Yeah. How does Mrs. Hollywood Doug's feel about the latest coaching move. Well the Doug's storyline has his family has been left in Toledo. So there are two stops behind. So how does Mrs. Hollywood Doug's feel about the latest coaching news. What's. Oh the latest coaching news. Like her how does how is she. She's in Toledo so she's not even Hollywood Doug's. She's central Ohio. But what you're saying is that he separates work from home. He's out just strictly working. I told the family when I get ahead coaching job I

will bring you along and out a moment sooner. And whoops I got another. Yeah. OC job. And guess what. She's got a very important job too. She's the head coach of the household. Yes. So he doesn't want to interfere with that. Yes exactly. Yeah. So that's that's the story. But yeah Doug's has been rumored to be with like Jennifer Anderson I think. Some hot hot people out in LA. Doug's is going to probably have a heart attack soon. All right. Last one. Oh my god. I'm so embarrassed. I tripped and fell. My boyfriend licked my ass while I was on the ground crying. Yep. I don't know how to bring it up because it was kind of odd. Wait. Wait. Read your dog. Yeah it sounds sounds like a dog. She tripped and fell. And her dog licked her boyfriend.

Wait. She tripped and she wrote boyfriend my boyfriend. I tripped and fell. My boyfriend licked my ass. OK. So what's I don't understand what the embarrassment is. I don't know how to bring it up because it was kind of odd. I think you're dating your dog. I think that's the embarrassment. Your dog licked your ass and you've been calling your dog your boyfriend because you have quarantine brain. That could be it. Don't fuck your dog. Also just whatever happens unless he's really hot whatever weird sexual things happen during this quarantine situation just forget about it the second that it's over. We're all going through our own thing right now. Just no judgment zone. Yeah I agree. I mean Hank and I are going to cut each other's hair. Yeah eventually.

Who do you think one another week. I don't know. I feel like I have those big Bennett. Like I'm not going to I'm not going to cut my hair until like I can go to the club type deal. What do you mean. Like big Ben's not shaving his beard till he throws on the pass. Ah you're doing your own Walden thing. You're going oh natural. Nice. I don't know. I mean that's I don't know. I don't know. I will say this too. I do think about like because it is fun to be like oh the first time everyone's out together it's going to be like the most amazing night ever but it's also something that always like it makes me excited to think about and then makes me like depressed because I'm like I don't see that happening like in June. I don't really

see it happening in July. Like when is that because and if it's football tailgates every football tailgate this fall will be the greatest thing ever. Do you think that when we get back but I don't like I don't I don't I don't what if we go out. I say that out loud. I don't want to end the podcast on a bad note but as I say it out loud it just doesn't seem realistic. What if we go out and we hit the bars and we're like you know what I kind of miss being at home. That's never happened. You don't think that's going to happen. There will be some nostalgia. Yeah. Absolutely. People are going to be like oh man. The ease of working from home. Yeah. Absolutely. There's going to be like I wish not having. No but I'm talking about like Friday Saturday night. Like yeah our jobs

are fun so it's like that will be different like but someone who's just working at nine to five having to be able to work remotely from home has been probably awesome. Yeah I you're saying the things I've been saying. I don't really understand how life is going to return until there's a vaccine. So make the fucking vaccine. That's my point. Get on the make the vaccine train with me Hank. Just make the fucking vaccine. Do it. Love you guys. My life is okay. Oh It's part of my take presented by bar stool sports.