Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - ⚽A Whole New Ball Game⚽

Episode Date: August 17, 2026

Sutton and Shearer. Heskey and Owen. Maldini and Baresi. The history of football is dominated by great duos who elevated and transformed the game... With that in mind, welcome to Footballing Hell... where the duo you know and love undo all that heritage with their footballing knowledge, as every Monday Rob and Josh discuss the weekends football (or the bits that interest them) in the only way they know how. Chaotically, with not enough sleep, prep or insight... Why football? Why now? We hear you ask. “Finally we can bring our unique brand of unprofessionalism, distractedness and inability to get things right to the until now slick and professional world of football pods. Get ready for no tactical analysis, zero discussion of VAR and a surprisingly high level of Neil Warnock chat. For people who find other football pods too informed.” - Josh Widdicombe "After 6 years of discussing my wife and children on Parenting Hell it's such a liberating feeling to finally have a podcast where I chat about something I truly love and care about in football" - Rob Beckett If you want to get in touch with the show you can; Email us: [e-mail] And follow us on Instagram and Tiktok: @footballinghell Leave us a 5* review and subscribe to the podcast please. You know the score by now. Footballing Hell is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Monday (don't worry - it's business as usual on Tuesday and Friday with the usual Parenting Hell episodes) A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello and welcome to footballing hell with... Oh, here we go. Oh, here we go. So here's the way we're going to start the show. I'm going to get a footballer each week and you've got to tell me who it is. Oh, my word. Should we not explain what the show is first? No.

Okay. Let's just do the quick intro. I'll hear it again then. Basically, each week on this show, it's our football podcast show. You're going to do the intro and I'm going to play a footballer said our names. You only get to hear it twice. Just for to come. David James.

Rio Ferdinand. Well, there you go. Do you like this? Yeah, I do. I'm in a WhatsApp group with Rio Ferdinand. Are you? What for? It's a classic WhatsApp group, Rob.

It's me, Rio Ferdinand, Sarah Cox, Johnny Peacock, the Paralympian. Is this when you did some sort of sport release charity thing? We did the Crystal Mays together. Lovely. Right, okay, should you explain what this show is? But that's how we're going to start it. So, do not worry if you're a parenting hell listener at all.

In fact, this is good news if you're a parenting hell listener. Parenting Hell will remain exactly the same Tuesday and Friday, but we just thought we do something extra. And it would stop us talking about football during parenting hell. Rob, the floor is yours. Yes, so nothing in these episodes will be talking about our children, our parenting, our wives. It might be because we can't keep track of it.

thing. If you are a parenting hell, listen to, feel free to listen to this as well. We love you too. Yeah, that'd be great, actually. Or even if you don't like it, just sort of play it in the background on mute. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Numbers do help. Yeah. And yeah, so basically we're going to have this every week as an extra, but we're not going to be talking about.

It's basically a place where me and Josh can talk about something that we really love and care about. Yeah, yeah, because we felt finally we've earned it. Yeah, exactly. Because after talking about our wife and kids, you know, You do sort of need to, you know, be able to talk passionately about something. That's something you really care about, which is football. So this will just be football and nothing else to do with our lives. Is that anything I've missed?

Yeah, well, if you're across the football podcast realm, you might have noticed that it's, it's slick, it's being sold to Netflix, it's being sold to Disney, it's megastars talking about tactics and how they understand football and football as they know. Yes. We thought we might try and do the exact opposite of that and bring the parenting hell. Shambles, lack of professionalism, lack of knowledge.

Lack of respect. Lack of respect. And the best kind of anecdotes will be about the crystal maze. It's that kind of thing. We hope to offer absolutely zero insight into formations, tactics, inverted. All that bollocks. Five-nines. X, G, all that shit.

VARR. whether it was offside or not, I don't know. I don't really understand the handball rule, if I'm honest with you these days. We're more here for the soap opera, the drama. I want to talk about Sucker's new haircut. Haircuts, clothes. Clothes, clothes. Silly names.

Silly names? I don't mind a silly name, Rob. I think it's a tightrope there, isn't it? Silly English names. We've got the Chinese national team at Josh. No, that's... So this is a football show for football fans that haven't got links to the club. We're not...

I say that. I mean, you know, because if you listen to other football ones, they're all like, you know, when I was there with Fergie and all that, but you are, Josh, the... I saw on the TV, the Plymouth... Are you the Plymouth ambassador? No, well, I'm not. But I went to Plymouth for Exeter, the Curtain Ruff.

razor for the season, which you might know is the A38 Derby, Rob. Yeah, absolutely. South Devon Derby, isn't it? South Devon Expressway Derby, some people call it. Is that the A38? That's Stonehenge Road. No, that's the A303. This is the kind of stuff we'll be throwing out.

Absolutely. You do not get that on stick to football. Well, their driver would be driving them down anyway, wouldn't they, Josh? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, not like you on the train, like a real fan. Exactly, yeah, bloody hell, getting tinnies on the train. Tinna San Pellegrino, but still. Also, is it a bit frowned upon to live in Exeter and be a Plymouth fan?

Because I know an Exeter fan that refuses to drive through Plymouth and drive around it. That's insane. But is that not just traffic? You'd be insane to drive through Plymouth. You might as well. One of it, like, they'll avoid it at all costs. Okay, well, then he just needs to realize that football doesn't matter as much as he thinks it does. Why, don't say that.

It's a football football puck. It's all that matters. If you're rerouting your journey, because what difference is going to make if you drive through Plymouth? The reason I live in Exeter rather than Plymouth, and I hate to say it, is Exeter's nice. Whisper it. Yeah, but you're the ambassador for Plymouth.

I'm not an ambassador for Plymouth. It's said on Sky Sports. I'm a Plymouth fan. So I went to XTA v. Plymouth. I had the night of my life. We drew each other in the first round of the Carabal Cup. Yeah. It's still the Carabal Cup, I think, yeah.

So it's like the league. I don't think Carabow's got the bonus off it because I don't think anyone's ever had a carabow in their life. I mean, I forgot it's even a drink. I know. It's mental. There's been all the money on the Carabow Cup. No one's ever had a can of it.

Why do they, what drinks companies do love sponsoring it is because they think, oh, cup, you need that to drink. Well, exactly, yeah. Like milk cup. Was it milk? Milk cup. To be fair, milk cut through. Did milk sponsor it?

Yeah. But who's in charge of milk? But just the cow. So I don't know. The milk marketing board, I suppose. Yeah, but is it a professional body that's in charge of the PR of milk? Yeah, because they would have done the Ian Rush at Quinton Stanley.

It's what Ian Rush drinks, milk advert as well. Not with that, Tash. The lass who needs. Louis Pasteur sitting under his nose. Good reference. Thank you. What are you looking at on your phone? Well, at the moment, I've just Googled milk,

and it's not really giving me what I wanted. It's just loads of white pictures. Do you know what I hate? And I will keep this linear, Michael. You know, cream jugs that you pour and the mouth of the, it's a cow, and it's like a gravy boat or crude juice, and the mouth's the animal. Because it looks like it's being sick on your dinner.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what you mean, yeah. Anyway, so are you an ambassador or not? No, so I went to Torquay v. Plymouth as a preseason friendly. Yeah. As a guest of Charlie Baker, a Torquie fan, and we got to go in the Torquay box, because Charlie's a big wheel at Torquay. I don't want to start sort of podcast football fan.

You know, it's quite heated rivalry. Torquay box. I had a brilliant time of Torquay. But what do they have a box? I would say the... A corporate box? The corporate experience at Plymouth is higher level. I'm going to just Google Tawkeek box.

You can't just spend the whole time Googling stuff, Rob. Well, how will I know what I'm saying? Roy Keene is never Googling when Gary Neville's talking about, you know. Yeah, but that's not what we're doing here, is it? It's actually quite a nice box. Yeah, it is. You get padded seats, you get everything. We got, guess what we had for our meal?

So this was the Tallkee Plymouth Place, yeah, yeah, not the, and he was in a corporate box for... Oh, yeah, we had a pizza box of chips. That's what we were brought for our meal. In Torquay. Yeah, great, great times. A pizza box full of chips? Yeah, it's a lot of chips. A big flat pizza box?

Yeah, full of chips. That's meant now. Just chips? Yeah. Why have our pizza box? Well, my dad was for me. He asked for chips. Yeah.

And I asked for pizza, so I had a pizza, and then next to it, there was two pizza box. I was like, oh, they've brought two pizzas there. Open up the second pizza box. Pizza and chips. Fair enough. Yeah. Anyway, our CEO, he was there. He said, oh, if you want to come to Argyal anytime, give me a text.

So I was like, Argyll VX, at our first game of the season, that's the big Derby. We're not in the same division, but we drew each other in the Carabal Cup. Yeah. Give them a shout out, the lads and lashes at Carabelle. And so I went corporate there. So desperate to Google Carabelle. I'm not going to know. So I went corporate there and I also...

Neil Warnock was there? Have you ever seen Neil Warnock's hair up close, Rob? No, I haven't actually. Go on. It's absolutely incredible. So I would say I've never seen anything like it and I never will. So he's...

I don't know, he's in his 70s. If I thought I wanted to Google Carabot now, all I want is. So talk me through Walnut's head. Okay, so he's got a thick head of hair. Loads of hair. Real hair.

Real hair. Thick, yeah. He's gone bald, right? Yeah. On the sides. No, that doesn't exist. So he's going bald from the side burns up. No, right.

I'm going to have to go in on the good. I'm sorry. It's not just, you know, like a bald man's head where it's shiny. So it's shiny on the side. It's incredible. No way. Oh, my God. It is, isn't it?

He looks like he sort of had a fade. Yeah. So he's going, he's going bald. So most people go bald from up to top down. He's going to pull from the bottom up. So it looks like he's put his head out of a really windy window, and it's just blown it all off.

Yeah. Yeah, that is, the side profile of that is, yeah, so he's got loads at the back. Yeah, and the top. I've never seen hair like that. No, it's brilliant. So I had a little chat to Neil Warnock. Didn't mention the hair.

No, he's absolutely hammered him on here. though. No, if you're going to Google anything so far, I'd say Neil Warnock's hair, it should be above milk and carabelle. Okay, yeah, yeah, fine, yeah. If you're like on the train and you're thinking, I've only got three Google searches today.

By the way, it was a great game. We won in the last minute. I watched it. It was a defending from Exeter. It was like, well, they had a player that they'd signed that day from Wolves who came on, got two yellow cards, got sent off. Well, they've got not much budget, have they?

No. Except because they're fan and owned. Yeah. So they're like, they've just been demoted. Yeah, yeah. So they're in league two. We're in league one. We won in the last minute.

But anyway, they cut to me in the crowd and Skype put on Plymouth Ambassador and comedian. Josh Whitigman. I'd take a podcast to TV host now, wouldn't you? When's your next comedy gig? Shout them, don't tell them, Josh. So that was fun. That was fun. To show people, we're mainly, we're going to be talking about what we want to talk about,

which is mainly, let's be honest, the Premier League. But I will be giving updates from the lower leagues, Plymouth are in League one. Well, that's the thing, because basically the show will be a recap of the weekends football. This is before most of the games have started, the championship and the lower leagues have started, Premier League next week. This is more of a preview of the season, but normally it'll be us looking at what's happened. So for people that don't know, I'm an Arsenal fan, but also have soft spots for, Bromley.

Yeah. Who are already three points clear of Plymouth after we lost on the first of the league season and you won. They're doing well. They've just been

promoted to League one. Also quite like Crystal Palace as a local team and Coventry I've got a soft spot for because they're back in the Premier League and a good friend of mine is a massive Coventry fan

so I'll be keeping an eye on them and your Plymouth obviously. I'm Plymouth and my main Premier League feelings are driven by hatred. So I'm not a talk sport are you kind of football fan that is obsessed with my club? I really enjoy a big club being shit,

whether that's Toplin or Man United. My hatred, I mean, I just want the big teams to lose, really. That's what I'm saying. Speaking to Lou about this the other day, it's basically for me, I actually love football because it's the only thing in my life that has actual structure. Yes. I know that there's games on it Saturday,

and then Sunday, and I can build my week around it and my weekend around it. And I love it. I love football. I do have a concern about this podcast. Yeah. I don't think you like football as much as me. Right.

I think you're going to want to talk about Ian Rush, Steve Stone, Steve Staunton. Footballer. Oh, yeah. Current football, because it was a community shield yesterday. Yeah. And I actually, I was supposed to be going around Tom Allen's for a rotissory chicken. And I said, I can get to your 435.

No, no, no, no. I just, if I'm going to suck him off, I just say I'm going to suck him off. Okay, fun, just to be clear. So I went around for a pastry of chicken. It weren't ready yet. So I sucked him off. Then he put it on the barbecue. But you wasn't watching the Community Shield.

Now, if for someone that it loves football, as you say, and the next day is about to launch a new football podcast. Oh, here we go. I'd say you'd have here with homework, Rob. Because you know, no, come on. I'm just saying, I found it quite shocking that you weren't even watching it. You were a bit shocked.

It's a season opener. Now, do you actually like football? Plymouth had played X at six days earlier. That's the season. No, look. Again, fuck off championship. If you, football doesn't start into the Premier League. Until the Premier League starts.

Well, whatever the fuck you are. All I'm saying is if you've got a problem with me saying football hasn't started yet, get fucking promoted. I don't care if fucking Burnley West Ham's on it. Fuck you. Premier League's where it's at. That's what I care about. Obviously, we'll talk about the lower league.

but football properly doesn't start until the Premier League kicks off. Yeah. Okay. So I think the thing I like the least about football is watching the matches. Okay, well, thank you. It's been a great series. We'll wrap it there. Thanks for listening.

We'll be back Tuesday and Friday of our normal parent. The least enjoyable thing about parenting for me is being with my children. Yeah, I've met some people that say that to me. be fair of. We've interviewed most of them. Okay, so talk me through. What is it you like about football? No, I do like the matches, but I, so to be honest, I like the soap opera. I like the transfer gossip. I like the reading about, you know, it or watching. Do you know what I really liked in the World Cup? Those eight minutes highlights were just,

just perfect for me. Yeah, that was enough for you. That was just, just, just, perfect for me. Now, I, but I think I'm, I think my attention span has gone with parenting and my phone. And so a full game is tough. I was managing it in the World Cup. How did you find it live in person at Plymouth Exeter? Well, I spent a lot of time looking at the Walnock's hair because I sat behind him. So was it like in real time moving backwards? What the hair? Yeah, was it? Could you see it's like the odd strands dropping out? No, no, no, you couldn't. No. No.

Let us know if you, you know, favorite bald footballers would be great or bald. Zidane's got to be up there. Oh, we'd also, we do want to, a Lombardo, surely.

We want, we do want your emails at footballing hell podcast at gmail.com. Yeah, Footballing hell podcast at gmail.com. And we are on Instagram and TikTok at footbling hell. Yes. Right, we do have a bit of,

because it's a preview and sort of telling people what the show's about. Yeah, let's start. Let's start with the community shield. And then, and we'll work down through what we think's going to happen this season with the major clubs. Right. Can I be honest?

Don't really have much to say about the game. I imagine how I feel. Well, so the game. You scored after 24 seconds. I know, but I couldn't fucking log in because I don't get me. Right. This may impact advertised opportunities, but we're going to have to be honest here. I can't work out where any of the football is.

I try so hard. Well, so, no, obviously, football's on lots of different apps. So there's, it's on Sky Sports, TNT. I think some of it's on Amazon. I don't know where else it is for this season. Oh, when it's on Amazon, I feel like what's going on. I've got Amazon, but it throws me. Do you know what I mean?

And then I'm just like, oh, I'm just going to select it like I'm watching my rivals, what? And it's there. I don't know what's happening. I like TNT sport. I love, I love, I was on TNT yesterday. Yes, and I love a big fan of TNT sport. I went to the TNT Sport rap party, didn't I last?

Because when I went out for the Champions League, I ended up on the piss at the TNT Sports. Of course. Rat party for no reason other than I was there on my own. And you were like, maybe if you did a bit less drinking and a bit more working on where to find your football on your app.

I've done a bit of research, basically. I think TNT Sport have been bought by someone, but they've also bought Eurosport. So didn't they buy BT Sport? Or did they just rename? Yeah, they bought TNT bought, BT. I've got subscriptions to all of the sport

because I love football, right? I actually love it and watch it. So, yeah, yeah. I try to find a game. You can't watch TNT on SkyGo. Fair enough. Yeah. Went to my TNT app. Doesn't exist. Then I remember, oh yeah, I'm on Discovery Plus now for some reason. What's on Discovery Plus? All of the TNT Sport Goers.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that's why Mott the Week get quite good tickets. Like Dara gets quite good tickets. Because TNT... Because TNT... So have you got a message from asking you to go on the week is thinking 2006? What's that?

It was my weekly screen report. I don't know why it came up like that. Anyway, yeah, so I think TLC, which show Mock the Week, is owned by this. Yeah, yeah. So I went to Discovery Plus, and at this point, I'm like, I log in, went, I log in,

finally after I can remember or my logins. And they went, oh no, you don't need, you need HBO Max now. What? It's not the fucking sopranos. The sopranos in 2004. So anyway, I've got, it's fine. I've worked it out now, but I didn't know. But I feel like I need a little bit more.

Like, I'm, honestly, last week, I have not thought about buying a disposable barbecue in 10 years. All of a sudden, emergency alert, like we're getting drone-striked. Yeah. I'd rather Andy Burnham drop me a message going Ed's up guys next week the football's back if you're in TNT Sport

makes you've got HBO Man's down loading so I missed the goal because I'm trying to find HRAM I'm on, I'm sorted but I just need a bit more an heads up that you can't keep moving

like this shapes you surely just go from TNT to HBO what's discovery what's discovery? What is Discovery Plus? I thought Discovery was like documentaries about rock formations and stuff. Do you know what I mean?

I'd like to let you know. I'm logged in. So I've got it, but I missed a goal. But Arsenal looked really good. Arsenal are going to win the... Let's do some analysis. Okay, go on.

Let's get into... I don't want to... I can't do analysis. No. Okay, I think Saka looks like he's better. Now he's got Cornrose. He looks more... Yeah.

I like that. We've got a great player that I was a bit worried about saying his name, but luckily, you just don't say the tea and his name Solis. Right. Okay, yeah, yeah, nice.

Because I did knock out a few to Solis, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You do really need the first few weeks of the football season to rely on the pronunciation of names from the commentator. I think when they do transfer news on BBC, oh, why have you read it, they need to put in brackets if it's a player people don't know, pronounced thingy. Arsenal have signed in brackets, pronounced and then right phonetically. I think that's a good idea.

Also, give me the age. Because every time I read a news report about transfer, and they go like 80 million, four years, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, I've got no context. Is he 24 or 34? Yeah. Give me some fucking numbers, so I know if this is good or bad news.

Yeah. Are you feeling confident with Arsenal? So are we, is this, are we sliding into predictions world? I think we are, because we've got not much more to say about the Community Shield, have we? No, no, Arsenal looked really good. Man City looks a bit shit.

Well, the only other thing I want to say about the community shield, Rob, because we do need to discuss it is... What impact is it having in the community? In real terms. Let's talk. Is it sponsored by the community in the same way? Milk sponsored the cup. Guys, I think as the community, as the head of the group that represents the community, we really need to make the most of this like the milk. Milk did, because look in your fridge, there's milk.

There's milk. It worked. Can we talk about how much Enzo Mariska looks like Pep Guardiola? Yeah, it's not okay. I don't think that's got to be a reason you don't employ him because it's weird. Also, he was there as an assistant for years looking exactly like him. And now he's just sort of taken over. It's too creepy.

It's like a kind of Netflix documentary as someone takes on someone else's identity and replaces them and they've murdered them. But also it reminds the players of the, like, like the best manager of all time they had. I wrote something interesting about Moreska. Yeah. Because I didn't realize he's a super, super intense guy. So everything's really intense.

Loads of, they get homework over international breaks. No. Yeah. Homework. Like what? Like watch these videos and learn about these players and all that kind of stuff. God, it's painful, isn't it? And he's got a rule that when they, I mean, didn't come into play yesterday.

But when they score, the captain's not allowed to celebrate. he has to go straight to Moreska and be briefed on the tactics after the goal. So I saw this actually. Arsenal scored and I was like, oh, wicked, it was a good goal, sun's out, beating Man City two or three nil. It cut to our terror. I thought he might be celebrating.

He's just shouting at David Rayer, the goalkeeper. Yeah. Who's got great hair, but talking of hair. She's new. I've not seen his new hair. I love footballers hair. Yeah, it's so good. One of my favorite footballers' hair things was during a lockdown when they'd all,

obviously got the haircut and they were all pretending they'd done it themselves. Terrible fades by the, or terrible fades by their partners. Oh my word. Yeah, he's got a lovely, he's got a lovely, he's got a ponytail with a bit out of the bottom. Oh,

I said to Lou as well, and Lou, would you listen to the football? If we did football in hell, would you listen to it? She went, yeah, but I'd sort of need updates

and the people I liked. Oh, yeah, I was like, so she wants to know what's happening with Jude Bellingham. Okay, Jude Bellingham is at Rail Madrid, who have got a fascinating season coming up. Yeah,

because they've been taken over by, Jose Marino's been reappointed as manager. Great documentary. Hasn't done anything for 15 years. Of no. Is he that long? 10 years. 10 years.

Well, the documentary about him is amazing. Even if you're not a massive football fan, he is a completely nuts. He is mental. They just have to be that insane to, like that intense to stay at that because it consumes your whole. I don't hate it at that level.

Oh, being a manager is rubbish. Why are you coming for Joe? Look, Josh, it's a long career. Is there times you go on a panel show and you're not, you know, Chelsea, 2014, 50? You know? Well, I know. I know. But he is quite a nasty piece of work.

Yeah, he doesn't come across well in it. Does he not? Oh, I will watch it then. Can I recommend another football doctorate? For fuck, Michael. Can we have a quick look? Can we have, right, we've just, I've just conceded. I'm going to the Captain Michael.

I'm the captain of Michael's the manager and need to have a quick chat about Josh's when we've scored Well I think whatever we've just done Michael we need to have a catch up here because this bloke has not watched the Marino documentary How has you not seen that or have you watched it?

I watched the bus Have you watched the bus? Of course you did because it was about the 90s No it wasn't about 2010 Joseo Marino's Still 16 years ago Tell that's Jose Marino mate he hasn't won a trophy in 10 years

Yeah but he is the Real Madrid manager Yeah, well. So Jude Bellingham's at Real Madrid. We're going to keep our eyes on Real Madrid because I think it's going to absolutely go off. She wants to know what's happening with the Nigerian goalkeeper, she fancied from the World Cup? Yeah, he can't help you on that loop.

And Greelish. Greenish played for Man City off the bench. Yeah. So he's back. Yeah, but I think he's, I thought he's going to Evan, but I think he's still at Man City. Do let us know your favourite football circuit is all time because that's the kind of thing we're more interested.

100%. Yeah, I don't care. Yeah. And if you could update us on the 9th. Nigerian goalkeeper, that would be great. One thing I want to get from this podcast is the complete banning of any mention of XG in football forever. Now, XG is this math bollocks that was invented by suits to try and get some sort of control

of the game. I spoke to an XG expert. Basically, XG is a mathematical equation that a footballer might score or a team might score. And it's complete bollocks because none of the data incorporates the human element of. of if someone slept well, family problems at home, what they're eating, what they're drinking, that none of that is involved.

It's actually positioning on a pitch, and it's fucking bullshit. And I want to get rid of it. And also, I want to start playing football where there's a big long ball, massive blow cup top, Esky, edits down for rowing. That's what I want back in football.

I don't want passing. You did say, I asked, How's the Community Shield, and you said there's too much passing? Oh, fucking pass. It's boring, isn't it? Pass. I love passing.

I love passing. You love passing? Well, I... How'd you know? You haven't watched football in 25 years? I have. I've watched the World Cup final. It was pure passing.

Just every... I watched the World Cup final. I watched the World Cup final. I'm a big athletics fan. I watched 100 metres every four years. And I love rugby. When John... I saw the Johnny Wilkinson game

where he kicked it in to win. The World Cup final. I watched, I'd say, 70% of the World Cup. And there was a lot of passing. There was less passing in the World Cup than Premier. League, I think. Yeah.

Because they're not as well drilled in the World Cup, are they? They haven't had the time on the pitch. I like, though. I like a little bit of, you know, error. I think the World Cup's better than the Premier League because it's a more even because you can't buy your way into having a good team. You're always going to have a shit player. You can buy the rest, so.

Goodbye the rest. Oh, here we go. Here we go. Do you know what? I do understand that quite like, you know, European Super League. Yeah. Right. Don't mind it.

Can I be honest? God, talk to me. I want to lead the charge for the European Super League. Is that a little bit to people, do the football fans? Can I justify it? Go on. So this is where there's a new league beyond the Premier League that has about six teams from the Premier League in it every week.

So it basically creates another level. It's my idea. Here's my idea, right? Listen to this theory on the European Super League. A, there's loads of European leagues which are basically pointless because one team's much better than that. the rest. Germany, France, or two.

England's probably the most competitive, isn't it? Scotland, there's only two teams that can win it, even last year. Spain, there's only two teams that can win it, etc, right? So I love it when someone says, ex-excessity. You're so pleased to yourself. I can't think of another one. I've done all my examples. I think that's enough.

But if not, here's a bit of et cetera for you. Yeah, probably I act, but I don't follow it. This is where Michael tells us, I've had won the league in 52 years. You remember your own grief. Yeah. Right. The best games always in the Champions League games. Byrne Munich versus PSG last year.

Yes. Et cetera. Et cetera. Right. I'd have a European Super League of 20 teams. I'd have a European Super League Division 2 of 20 teams. Oh my God. Double.

Yeah. Okay. And then they get relegated back into their national leagues. that's the issue of promotion or relegation from the national leagues then the Premier League will be more exciting because it it would start about Brighton and below but they're playing for the chance to get in the European Super League

and then everyone wins their leagues and they have a little playoff and maybe the best four teams go up and the other team, worst four teams relegate down and so it just becomes a more of a pyramid I'm not saying a breakaway league no you need to just another pyramid Another total pyramid. A total pyramid.

Because with the proposal a few years ago, there was no relegation, was it? And it was top them running. It would work. If you can get relegating and promoted, I'm in. Yeah. And bear in mind this. Say they announced it at the start of this season and they go, the five teams from the Premier League that would have made the Champions League

are going to be the founding members of the European Super League. How good that season will be? Because there is so much at stake. Yes. And also you're basically the last ever proper Premier League champions. Okay. I think it's going to be hard to convince the whole footballing world this. Why?

It means that Bromley could one day end up in the European Super League. Et cetera. Et cetera. Well, let's see if it happens. We'll get rid of XG and get up the super league. If there's any issues stress test-wise with my theory, but I think it works. The other thing, Oh, so the other things we wanted to say,

because you want to do predictions and fantasy, we need to talk about fantasy league teams. Yeah. Let's go through our predictions. Should we check in with Michael, see how he likes this structure? Yeah, yeah. What do you think of it so far, Michael?

He said to be linear. Can I be honest with you, Josh? I don't we know what that means. No, we did Marino and then we did the European Super League, and then we did back to Arsenal. Is that linear? We kept it contained. Yeah. In hindsight, it was a terrible note to give.

Would you like an update on the Nigerian goalkeeper? Oh, yes, please. I did already have this information. Oh, does my could get caught, Michael. He was spotted last month on a date with Cardi B, the American rapper Cardi B. Oh. But they were spotted flirting at Paris Fashion Week. And the week after, the week after they were on a date in Italy, in Venice, apparently.

So I don't know what's happened in the subsequent weeks since then. But that's the latest Nigerian goalkeeper update. Can I get an update on a different goalkeeper from the World Cup? You know, the Cape Verdi goalkeeper that got loads and loads of Instagram followers after they drew with Spain? Have his numbers dropped off as people realise that they're a bit annoyed they're now following him or has he maintained? He currently has 29.3 million followers.

I don't know what that was prior to the World Cup or the end of the World Cup. I think, though, we do need to try and, I mean, we've been both diagnosed of ADHD. we haven't been diagnosed. Well, no, but like by listeners. Now, at that moment there, Josh, we'd barely finished asking Michael to check his follow account before you tried to start talking about something else.

Yeah, sorry. Now, I'm as guilty as it as you. Like, I'm not, this is not me, but I think we've got to learn to breathe. I'm too excited. I know. Got what else do you want to talk about? Right. I'm going to run you through the league,

the Premier League, 20 teams. I want a very quick description of how you think it will go for them. Right, okay, cool. Yeah, this is our predictions. Right. Okay, and we'll play you back to this

at the end of the season. Right, okay. They're in alphabetical order currently, division-wise, so Arsenal are still top by default. Arsenal. Champions. Aston Villa.

Loaded ship players, because they haven't got the finances sorted. Mid-table. Ballmouth. Like fifth or sixth, probably. Brentford? Same. Right.

Same, actually. I call them the mid-table Bs. Absolutely zero interested in unless they've got a player I want to buy. Couldn't give a, they just sort of float about being annoyingly good. And you think, for fuck sake, we've got bored of away. This is hard work. Why?

They should be shite. Their stadium's little. But all of a sudden, they're like, fuck me. There's a midfielder in the middle. He's like, prime chavi. And now I'm shit myself and trying to Google who he is. Chelsea I think they'll do well actually

Champions League and Chabby Alonzo Coventry Oh fingers crossed they stout Love the club Palace I think they're going to struggle

I think they'll just survive Everton Mid table Moise I think might have a fight this season Fulham Fulham Are they still there

Completely forgot Are they in the league? Fatswich I'm Switch, I predict lots of shots of Ed Sheareran in the crowd. They'll get relegated. Leads? Leads.

Are they back as well? Is it bad? I don't know who's in the league. What are you do now? Yeah, I do. I think they'll stay out. Liverpool? I think they're going to be a bit of a shower of shit, actually.

I think the manager's good. I think it'll be good next season, but they'll struggle this season. Man City? I think they're going to struggle this season. Man United. I think they're going to struggle as well. because they've got, I think they're going to have a complete meltdown this year

because Carrick, I don't think, has got the experience to do well with them and they only played about four, four games last year that got knocked out of everything. Do you know what I mean? Newcastle. I'm good at Farisada if I play once a month.

Newcastle. I think they're going to do quite well. I think everyone's expecting them to do badly. I think they might sneak Europe because they're quite good defensively. Forest. Forest mid-table. Is this interesting?

Are they still in the league? Spurs. I think they're going to be annoyingly good. I think they might get Champions League Spurs. Who knows? There's our predictions for the season. There you go. I don't know what I said.

No, but I think Arsenal win the league as well. Michael? Yeah, I think Arsenal will walk the league. Can I ask for a few slightly more manageable, quick predictions from you guys? Work in an edit that don't just involve me, Sammy Tame me table. Top scorer in the Premier League for each of you? Erling Harland?

That's the right answer, isn't it? Yeah, I think so. Well, it's a bit... Yeah, I think Harland will score a lot. Yeah, but I don't know. I think they might concede a lot. Who's going to win the FA Cup? Well, you...

How do I know that? No one knows. How do you know? It's a mis of prediction? I don't know. Chelsea. Yeah, Chelsea. Oh, I'll go different.

No, don't just copy me. Man United. You say paddocky. Man United. Who? Who is going to win the Champions League? Oh, that's more fun. Arsenal.

I can't see PSG winning three years in a row. I don't know what. What does that mean? That should be an advantage winning it two. But they're the best team, so I'll go PSG. And then who's going to get relegated from the Premier League? The three that came up. Hull-Ipswich.

Hull-Ipswich Coventry. A Leeds. A Leeds. A Leeds. Who came up? Hull-Ipswich Coventry. I thought Leeds were... Leads stayed up, yeah. Leeds for it last year.

I did say, I didn't even know they were in the league. Lipswich Coventry came up. I think Coventry stay up. I think Hull, Ipswich and Leeds go down. This is that when Huddersfield was in the league. That was hard to deal with. Psychologically. You know what I mean?

I can't go out for Sunday lunch. Huddersfield Fuller on. Oh, get hell, Rob. Who's the Sunday? know the most boring team that's ever been in the Premier League that you didn't notice were there. I don't know. The problem with this is you're going to get loads of tribal fans at Haiti.

No, but we're not having a go. It's just, you know. I am having a go actually. Oh, okay, we are having a go. I went to Huddersfield to film and I've got put in a hotel that I found out was actually a nightingale COVID hospital. I've got a friend who's a Huddersfield fan. And I was in Yorkshire when they're at home.

I think I was gigging. So I said, let's go. 0-0, absolutely dreadful game. He then said, do you want to come to the playoff final? Huddersfield v. Sheffield United. Yeah, why not? Second bite of the cherry. No, nil after 90 minutes.

0-0 after extra time. First five penalties missed. It was unbelievable. It went to the goalkeepers on the penalties, though. So exciting. So are you picking Huddersfield as a team you don't like? No, I quite like their stadium. The Alfred McAlpine Stadium.

I like that. It's a good stadium. Yeah. Right. Oh, what else do we need to do, Michael, in this preview out for the season? We set up fantasy Premier League teams. Yes. Now, Josh, what's your thought on fantasy Premier League teams? Do you normally have one? No, I used to have them when I had an office job. I finished 4,000th one year. Is that good?

I don't know what reaction you want. I've got absolutely no idea what to say. out of how many, you've got to say out of. Well, how many do it, Michael? 10 million. How long ago was this? About 2005, six, something like that. Fire life's impressive, but still, still impressive.

But if you'd have done that in the last three or four years, that would have been an incredible finish. Yeah, but I gave up. It meant too much to me, Rob. And it was ruining games. It ruins games. I'll constantly be sat. I don't want to give away, you know, trade secrets.

I'll be sat at 5 p.m. on Friday. day with Alex Brooker while we're doing the last leg rehearsal and he'll be worrying about whether he should triple captain Harland and I just think this and then he's wanting Mancity to win even though he's not a I just don't like that it's counterintuitive to the way I enjoy football so I stopped well cool because we set up teams and we're going to follow it oh what you like it do no I don't I just sort of you know like just welcome to the feature we do every week that we both absolutely detest. Your summer travels deserve an upgrade.

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and discover how to take your summer to the next level. OnStar. Better never stops. I used to love it, but like I say, I left it when I worked in an office job. Now, I don't want to say people that work in office jobs aren't working 100%. But I definitely wasn't when I worked in an office job. And I love fantasy football because it used to fill two or three hours a day where I was distracted from a job.

I absolutely hated. So I'd say it's quite handy for that. But it's quite hard when you're doing it off the phone and you've got the kids and stuff like that. But I have picked a team this year. But I can't be bothered to change it. So I've just picked my team. I'm not going to change.

All season. Go on. See how I get on. Yeah. Do you want to hear about my team? Yeah. And how have you picked your team, by the way? Do you want me to tell you I'll pick my team, Rob?

Go on. Or should I do mine first? You do yours and they'll tell you I'll pick my team. Okay, so my team is called Bobby's Blonde Babes. All blondies? You're right. Here we go. Bang on the money.

He's got Harland. It's quite a difficult... It's quite hard to... Yeah, yeah. To get a full team of blondies. Yeah, yeah. And spend the money. So I've spent, near enough all of it, in gold.

Well, Harland up top. Yeah. Yockerez, he's a bit dusty brown. I'll give you that. Walter Marday, you know, the big German bloke. Newcastle guy. It gets quite blonde in the middle. Bergval.

Right. Odegaard. Yeah, of course. Now I've got Joel Linton. in here, but he dies his air. Yeah, yeah, but I suppose it counts. Foden, because he died his ear once. No, I don't know whether I bought that one.

But, mate, you find me another... You've got some good players. Braithway, in defence. Van Heck, blonde. Reish James, because he died his air blonde once. Fuck it now. This is a stretch, isn't it? But also, as well, I thought it would be good to have Joel into and Reese James thing, because otherwise, it is quite, looks quite like a far right

team. and I don't mean I've essentially created you know I've picked the team Hitler would have picked Yeah yeah of course And then go Kelleher And on the bench I've got Leno

Blonde Dilip bit bit blonde Smith Row blonde Yeah And then Lewis Hall Blonde Yeah So that's a good team

It's a good team But if anyone's got any suggestions Where I could get rid of Joel Linton and Foden And reach James for I don't know I'm glad you had Foden to that Yeah

I think Reform we've got some suggestions. Well, Rupert Lowe games with advice on the team, as you know, for this time and Southampton. He's used to running a club. It's a sub. So that's my team. And we're going to set up a league,

aren't we? Yeah, we're going to set up a league which you can all join. The league has been set up. The league has been set up. Do you want the code? Well, I don't, but yeah. Yeah, I do. I need to join it, don't I?

Yeah, yeah. Well, also, there'll be a link on the code will be in the episode description. Oh, great, great, great. But those are wanting right now is 1A5F-C-7. 1A5 FC7 and all of the letters are lowercase. Sorry, I've got headache immediately. Let's do that afterwards.

No, no, I'll join this now. Say that again. Join league. 1A5 FC7. Now, if you're listening, Lou, because you want to be an update on the Nigerian goalkeeper, don't panic, we'll not be reading out numbered codes to join fantasy leagues every week.

Now, I'm in the league. I'm in the league. I don't know how to join the league. Footballing and parenting hell. Bobby's, babe, the Marchester United. Can I not see your team? No, you can't until it starts. Until it starts, yeah.

What's the code, Michael? 1A5. 1. Just focus. Look, again, if you'd listen to him, you'd have had the code. 1A5, FC7. FC7. There we go.

Joined it. I've joined it. Now, how funny or sad would it be if no one else joined? Oh my God, that'll be embarrassing. That would be so embarrassing. But it'll be sort of quite fun if that happened also as well, wouldn't it? Just us three going. Slowly talking about our kids in the football app.

Shall we just phase this out, make it shorter every week? Right, now, took me through your team. Who have you got? So it's called I prefer champ man. Are you going to be changing your players and stuff? I want to see how I'll get on and I maybe change it as I go. I said, oh no, it's not called a fucking hell, Rob. Which is called?

He didn't save my title. So it's just called... I changed it. I prefer a champ man. But obviously I've done that wrong. So it's just called Josh's team. Josh's team. Fucking pathetic.

Put together by his PA. Put together by his agent because he's busy. Well, you say that. I thought, you know what? I'm going to game the system here. Go ahead. Went on to Google Gemini. Please tell me the best squad to pick for fantasy football league.

Oh, you. Same for it, Rob. You've done an AI to put them all in. Yeah. Came to 103 million. So it fucked it up, right? So you had some money left? No, it had come to 103 million.

How much you've spent? I was like, you've overspent by three million pounds. It said, oh, sorry for my mistake. How about this? I looked. Some of the players had been relegated over the summer. They weren't even in this league. I think AI might be shit.

It's shit. I couldn't believe it. I was like, I was to like, tell it off. line like I'm talking to my kid. Yeah, so I had to pick my own team, but it was, I've got this for the classic spine, the big three. Rayer. No. Well, he's been the best goalkeeper of most clean sheets the last three years.

Yeah, well, I haven't got the classic spine. Okay. You're the tailbone's missing. The tailbone's missing. My goalie is Vibroogan. Who's he? Brighton. Right, okay.

Back three, Gabrielle, Pedro, Porro, and Shaw. Yeah. midfield Aaron Rogers who I love not Aaron Rogers What's he called? Aaron Rogers have got

NFL He's a fucking American football Morgan Ribs Morgan Gibbs Morgan Rogers Morgan Rogers he's Aaron Rogers

That's my fancy American football team Bernardo Fernando Silver fucking hell Bruno Football Brino

Fernando Right okay Slobash lie and gross Do you know what's difficult? I was searching gross because I don't know how to make that fucking symbol on my keyboard.

Well, how can't get schlob and schlobyslai? I don't. If you can't get gross. Shell Pedro, Harland, and then Namitja. I just chose someone who was the right fee. Price.

Price. And then I've just got some of the cheapest, I've just got all the cheapest players on the bench. I've got Debravka. It's the Spurs Reserve goalie. Yeah. A guy called Thomas, who plays for Brighton. I thought the Brathe was Newcastle

What? I thought DeBravka was Newcastle I'm at Spurs now Okay And then Slater and Egan from Hull Sorry they two new East Enders characters I don't know who the fuck Two twin boys turned up from up north

To live in the square There that's my bet I haven't got much depth on the bench I'll be honest I might just have David Ryan I'm just going to put David Ryer in Oh that's a shame Well they have ruined it then haven't I

Without giving it away Michael Because you can reveal your team on the day because I don't want people, because your team's going to be good. How similar is it to my team and Rob's team? It's very different to Rob's team. Yeah, okay. I would say there are four or five players that overlap between yours and mine, Josh. Oh, what?

I just picked a load of popular ones. I thought everyone would have them. Right. So, shall we, the fixtures on the first weekend, Rob. Yeah. What are you most excited about? Who have Arsenal got? Do you want me to run you through the fixtures?

Coventry. Commentary is a good first game Friday night. I'm going to be away for the weekend, so I'm going to have to watch it in a pub. And I'm also going to have to record, because this is going to, basically, we're going to record this Monday morning after the games to talk about what's happened,

and it's going to go out Monday night. We're actually, I've got to record this away on holiday on a Sunday night at 10.30 p.m. to make sure it's topical. Yeah. So we're really going for it on this. So we've got Arsenal. versus Coventry.

Do we care about the whole list of games? No, we don't. No, fuck it off then. But Wickham are at home to Plymouth. That's big. So, Plymouth, let's do the ones that matter to us. So Arsenal got commentary. I think Hull v. Manu might be fun.

What's it? Bromley got? I don't know. Newcastle, Liverpool on the Sunday, Rob. Newcastle of Liverpool. Here we go. That's a fixture. That's the fixture.

There we go. That's the big one. I think you're an eriola guy. He's good, but he's going to need a season. Yeah, there we go. So what's you going to say about him? Did he really have anything? You just thought you just...

I started... Do you worry a little bit about having anything to say about currently? Because I think you love football, but you do... All you will want to do is talk about the past. I was worried my analysis of him wasn't good enough. Iriolae. Yeah. I think he's really good manager, but I think they've got a lot of problems at Liverpool.

I don't think he's ripped enough. Do you know, every manager these days... Hudge managers, yeah. Hodgey managers, you just don't get them anymore. And it would worry me if I was a Liverpool fan. I do think if you spend your entire time at a training facility where there is personalized cooks that are paid to make sure that it's nutritious meals, you are surrounded by gym equipment and PTs and you wear gym clothes all day.

How are you still not ripped? I'm not body shaming him. I'm just saying it doesn't strike me as a modern manager. I haven't seen, I haven't, when was the last. Hodgey manager to win a major trophy. Top-level managers are normally ripped. I agree. Yeah, that'd be a great one.

Well, Big Ange won the Europa League. Yeah, big Ange won the Europa League. Yeah, but does that count? Not really. Also, he's made it his thing. Well, it is a proper trophy, but not now that... It didn't even make it into Michael's predictions. Michael didn't say who's going to win the Europa League.

It's harder to win the FA Cup. It's arguably harder to win the League Cup than the Europa League. Yeah. We didn't go with a Carabelle prediction, but frankly, who cares? Right. Man City, always win that. Always win that. There's a matter, of course.

Right, Josh. I love this. I hope I've thoroughly enjoyed myself. I hope that's given you a taste of how our analysis is going to guide you through the season. We'll be back next Monday. Yes, every Monday without recap of the football at the weekend. Follow us on socials at Footballing Hell. Email us if you've got anything you want to say at FootballingHell podcast at gmail.com.

And we'll see you next week. Bye.