Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - Dr. Martha Deiros Collado - Online Safety Expert (Teenagers)

Episode Date: September 3, 2026

In the 2nd of a series of special interviews with leading experts (and lets face it, people far more qualified than us!) to discuss important and relevant topics that impact and inform modern parenting - we had the pleasure to sit down again with the brillaint ⁠Dr. Martha Deiros Collado⁠ to discuss online safety, device and screen usage - this time amongst teenagers and also parents, and what they can do to help. We loved speaking with Dr Martha in collaboration with @Tescomobile. If you’re looking for advice on how to have that chat or tools to help keep your family safer online, visit the Tesco Mobile Online Safety Hub. ⁠https://www.tescomobile.com/online-safety⁠ @Tescomobile - Keeping up keeps them safe. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Parenting Hell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xxx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Rob, today is our second episode where we talk, we go in-depth with an expert on online internet safety. I was going to say this time, teens. Teens. We've done pre-teens, now teens. This is where it gets juicy. More independence, their own phones, their own apps. Yes. It's the World West out there.

Totally. And, Rob, if you want some help, Tesco mobile have loads of online resources, experts, help. Yep. And they can help you figure out words like Riz or. cooked. Yes. But not cooked as in your dinner. It's another word for another thing. Well, same word for a different thing. Yeah. So once you're done with this episode,

visit the Tesco Mobile Online Safety Hub for tips on how you can have a chat about your kids' online lives. Welcome back, Dr. Marta. Hello. The second installment of our, it's the new sort of of expert episodes. Yes. Because we don't know anything.

How do you think so far? We've done. You've done great. I love the questions. I love that you talk from like a dad perspective and I love that it just feels really normal and like the kind of conversation that you'd have out and about. Get ready. Things are about to go up again. Because if that was the start of the canapes of parenting with kids and screens and online, we're talking about teenagers. Yeah. And the big question I've got really at this stage, because it affects me, I'm quite selfish. Phones. Yes. They want them from about eight or nine.

10, when do you give them a phone, what's on the phone, how much access do they have? And what's a plan, really, or what is the expert slash science opinion on it? The phone conversation is so complex but also nuanced, I think. So not all mobile phones are the same. Sorry, that is a massive open question. It is. The only question was the opening six questions and I had a few more to add, but I felt it would be, you know, it'd be too much. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

We'll take it slow. Yeah. So you can just interrupt me. SLOW. Also, if you listen to the last episode. If you didn't listen to the last episode, that sounds weird. You've been mad to come in this halfway through, will you? Well, I suppose if you've got teenagers, only.

If you've got teenagers, you might not. Oh, sorry, they're just looking at themselves, are they? Yeah. Smartphones were not created for children, so we need to think about that. So that's one of my things as a mum that I always think. Smartphones were not made for children. They were expensive. You know, I think of them as, like, really expensive mini computers.

that you have in your pocket. Yes. But I think you can give your child and mobile phone and I don't like the word dumb phones because they're not dumb at all. They're really, you know,

complicated and brilliant for staying in touch, calls, text, all of that without all the smart capabilities of the apps and the social media. So, you know, your question for me is,

it depends, it depends on what you want to do. I think the smartphone I will delay for as long as possible and obviously we've now got the potential of a UK back. Let's call it a dumb phone for people to just understand what that term means. Okay.

Are we talking about a totally different model of phone, or what some people do is like they get an iPhone and then they disable a load of the apps? I mean, you can do that. You can get an iPhone and disable all of the apps. I think Apple has created a new phone that is coming out at some point. I think it's in the autumn. By the way, I am not sponsored by Apple. No, okay.

But I do like the fact that this new, kind of iOS, I can't remember what it is now, 27, I think. The capabilities of this are slightly different to the old phones. So now as a parent, you can disable absolutely everything on an iPhone. Oh, okay. And even things like going on a website, you have to agree on your phone. So if they go on Safari, which is Google, Apple Google, and they type something in, it comes up on your phone and says, they want to look at this website.

Are you okay with it or are you not? Which is brilliant because it gives you, I mean, for some, Some young people might say that's awful, they're controlling everything. But if your child is moving to secondary and what you want is for them to have, you know, a smartphone. Yeah. But you want them to be safe. Then I think that might be a good option. Of course, Apple is very expensive.

Yeah. I also part me. Other phones available, Google Pixel. Exactly. So I was going to say for me as a mum who is cheap. I'm like, well, if I just want like texting and calls, I'm not paying for that. I'm not spending £800 on a phone. Because by the age they get to

where you want to let them have the apps, they'll want a new iPhone anyway. Exactly. So I'm like, I'm just going to get you and there's tons of brands, right? If you do have an old iPhone or I saw a thing actually or Google Pixel or Android, Samsung or Motorola, banana flip phone, one to one mercury. Yes.

Of an old iPhone, I've seen the thing where you can basically see accessibility settings. Yes. So it's for people that maybe have different needs. if blind or death. Smart kids will just switch that off. Right, okay. You need to be really aware.

We're talking about teenagers now. So if you do do that for your kid and they don't switch off, great because it's still bad news, bad GCSE results. My friend said his daughter who's 14 or 15, she gets around everything they do.

100%. The way I think about it is when we were all teenagers. Dumb parent. Yes. We're all done parents now. This is basically my story. A hundred percent. Elyton Hammond turned off her Wi-Fi.

at certain points so our son couldn't go online he went in, turned it off for her, put it on for him. I mean, do you remember, maybe this is just in my house and I've got done my parents, but do you remember having to set

the VHS on record? Yeah, of course, yeah. And they were like, right? And my mother's like, oh, how do you do this? And I'd be like, come on. Well, now you have to think you are that parent. Yeah. And your kid knows more about all the apps,

about everything. I mean, I have so many stories. Recently, young, I mean, I won't go too in depth, but I've got young people who, you know, are allowed on Snapchat, but now if you take a snapshot, Snapchat tells the other person. That you've taken it. So instead, they use another device or a camera to take photos of what they're seeing.

Of course they do. Another kid did something, which I find, you know, of course they did. So lots of parents don't know that you can get Snapchat on a desktop. So even though this mom was like, she doesn't have access to any of her apps, there are no apps on her phone. She had it on a desktop. She had it on a desktop. Doing all of her Snapchat on her desktop, which her... which her mum found.

So, you know, you need to be... I didn't even know what Snapchat really is. Oh, it's just, well, it's a chatting app. But it's teenagers use it. Lots of teenagers use it. It disappears? Yes. So your handle, so the handle is like the little name that you use.

Yeah. Right? You can change it constantly. So nobody knows who you are. Oh, God. And the images, the things that you post, they only stay for a few seconds. Oh, it's that. Oh, my God.

Because the problem is you can never really find who's receiving. what as a parent you can't go back and go let me see what you've been doing you can you've got to disactivate all of that oh god and also it works the algorithm with it is a bit like girolingo it has the streak stuff like how many days have you been on it and then teenagers really freak out about losing their streaks yeah because you get little awards if you get a street so that's the gamifying of those things makes it and it's the same with um i I think if kids have got low storage on their phone for photos, they use Snapchat's to take the photos and leave it in their draft.

And leave it there. Because I think Snapchat store it in their clouds so that they almost use it as a camera. They do. App as opposed to the normal camera. But again, lots of teenagers don't understand. And even adults, I've found it difficult to understand, you know, the digital footprint that never leaves. So I think remembering that you're less clever than your kid when it comes to this is like key.

Because stop trying to think, I'm the parent. I know what I'm doing. When it comes to teens, you do not know. They know better than you. So basically, you try your best. They get to about 16. You just tap out and hope it's all right. You build trust with your kid.

You don't tap out. It's probably a better way I put in it. I've done it as well. I've just tapped out. Never tap out. I'm basically in a slow chokehold from my children to the point where I get to 16 and they just tap out. I think the reality is parenting teenagers is like, oh, another ballgame. Yeah.

Yeah. And so many of us don't get, don't get. taught how to parent are teenagers. And if you actually put yourself in a teen's shoes, you're like, oh yeah, I did loads of stuff, but I had my parents back and they didn't know about it. You need to accept that's going to happen. But the stronger your relationship

is with your kids, the more likely they are to come and talk to you. And you can still set boundaries, limits, you know, rules in place. You're still the parent. And I always think they are still children with like, you know, developing bodies and brains and all of that. But they're very impulsive. They will take tons

of risks. They do not understand. the consequences of some of their actions. Like they simply do not. And we're talking about teenagers. It could get intense. But I've met so many kids who have had problems with things like sexting. And I think as parents were like, oh no, that doesn't happen. It won't happen to my lovely kid. I'm like, no, it happens.

It goes around schools. These photos go everywhere. And once they're out, they're out. Like stopping it is a nightmare. And so I think when we're talking about phones again, when, I'm like, I will delay for as long as I can. That doesn't mean everybody around me will. Do you worry that there was a kid at my school,

there was a family that didn't have a TV, and he was, you know. Sad? No, he was... Out the loop. Out the loop. Do you know what I mean? He was, he didn't know what had happened on top of the pops or neighbors or whatever, right?

Couldn't have a chat at school. That's what your child without the phone fit is. Yes, 100%. And so do you, how much are you, leading your own plowing your own furrow and how much you're going we need to as a group of parents come together here because it's difficult to act outside of the group my view is controversial go on so my view is actually as soon as you give you a child a phone with those kind of chatting capabilities and there are you know the conversation is very nuanced because even just like

no apps doesn't mean they don't do group chats and group chats are one of the most kind of difficult things for kids. But as soon as you give them the ability to do that, like you're saying, you know, he was left out of the loop, I want you to accept that your kid, if he is that kid who gets left out of the loop, they're going to get more left out. Like a phone does not necessarily connect kids better together. It can, like, amplify social struggles.

Yeah, yeah. So, bullying, more likely. And, you know, we talk about strangers on the internet. And I'm like one of the biggest risks to your kid is their own friends on WhatsApp. Yeah. Yeah. They're friends on a group chat. Not just to kids, to an adult.

Yeah. But I'm serious. Yeah, totally. Like we think, oh, it's all these strangers, you know. It's not that. It's their friends who will exclude them, bully them, send images of them, you know, like, do things that you're like, this is awful and it's really distressing my kid. And it's within their friendship group. But it escalates, it amplifies it.

which is why the delaying isn't just avoidance, like your friend, no TV. For me, it's a way of supporting our children to have the skills to navigate the complexity of this. One of the arguments that the kid would probably make is I need to be able to, and it's weird, isn't it? Because when we were, you know, we'd be out playing football or whatever, no way of our parents contacting us because we didn't have phones. But now the idea of your child being out and uncontactable feels really weird, right, to us because we're so used to. to a world where everyone contacts each other and your kid would probably go, if I go into town I need a way to contact you, blah, blah, blah.

What are the, is there other ways of doing that? Or is it that we go, do you know what? It's actually all right that they go without a phone? I think both and, I don't know who you are. I think it's different for different parents. I mean, if my daughter had to travel quite far for school,

secondary school, I would think she needs a mobile phone. I would feel safer. Makes sense to me that she can contact me and say the train is delayed or whatever, whatever, whatever, whatever. Train times, buses. All of that stuff. And I wouldn't be like, you know, the ban is on social media. It's not on your kid having a phone.

And you can still teach your kids that actually the phone goes out with you because it's a mobile phone. It's mobile. But when you come into the house, which is something I'm practicing, you hang it up like a landline. Yeah. We put it off your person. So I've started to do it. And it's imperfect. You know, during the summer holidays, I've held it on a bit more.

but now the school routine is back, I'm going to try again. I just leave it by the front door, and I put it on loud, because we carry it on silent all the time now, and it just buzzes constantly. But if you put it on loud and you switch off all your notifications apart from the ones you need, like texting and calls for me, nothing, I don't need anything else. I don't need all my apps to tell me.

Alert, we use our phones like they're urgent. Yes. And I'm like, it's not urgent. Most of the time, it's nonsense. Yeah. Like, once you do what I do, It gives you, like I feel so much lighter in my house because they're actually quite heavy to carry in your pocket. And you're suddenly like, oh, and you're not attached to this thing.

Do you mind you? I sleep a lot better. When I did it, when I put it down at 7 o'clock, I will sleep much better. And then I've come out of it again, obviously. It's so much better. Do you know what I've noticed? I do it on holiday, which is not enough, right? But always on holiday.

I'll leave it in the hotel room and then we'll go down to the pool or the beach or whatever. And I actually don't miss it. No. if it's on me, I will check it all the time. So after we finished recording the last episode, I could see how to alert, I checked it, blah, blah, blah, blah. If that hadn't been there, I wouldn't have thought what's going on. There's something about it being there that, like, skin crawls with it.

Do you know what I mean? Our phones have trained our brains to do this. Like, we need to be aware, right? The people who have created smartphones have made apps and, you know, the notifications. they make more money the more addictive we are 100% the more you need it to have it to like you know look at it the more you feels like an essential part of your world and if you talk to teenagers who have smartphones and now with like the band they they speak like that they speak in these absolute terms like my life is

over if I can't have my phone and I'm like this is wild like the way that these big bros have literally tech bros yeah but like they've totally tricked our brains and believing that this is an essential part of our life when actually it's really not. None of us go off to our desktop every five minutes and check our emails. We would never do that. It's because they're in our pockets and I always think of them a bit like pets.

I have all these visual analogies because that kind of works for me. But you know, you pick it up and a bit like you said you checked it like, you're all right little one. Do you need something? I'm like it's not a pet. You know, to keep it alive. It's like the adult tamagotchi of our time. We don't need to keep them alive.

No. They're fine. and we're better when we have space. That doesn't mean, like I love tech, that doesn't mean you don't have a phone. It doesn't mean you can't use it. But maybe you need to learn how to use it in a healthier way.

So how do you do that? You do need it. That's what I'm saying. You do need a phone, don't you? You have to, when I go and park the car, I need the app to part the phone. A hundred and everything's on that phone. There's not another way to pay for parking. It's a nightmare.

And then you use that as an excuse you're back on it. So you're saying, when the kids start school, have a phone for, logistics communication no apps and so would you going to ask about the social media ban when that's I was but just to play devil's advocate for a moment right

this I agree with Rob agrees with you agree with we all agree that is how you should relate to your phone but how do you do it that is good practice and good theory but the truth is it's an eternal conversation

we've been having with each other for years and all of my friends are having that they're all addicted to their phones. So what you do? You need to break it. You need to break it, but you need to think of it as a habit. Break the addiction, not an addiction.

Not the phone. Yeah, and I think if you think about it as an addiction, I talk about this in my book, because if we talk about something like an addiction, it's called the Smart Phone Solution. Yeah. But if you think... Good name, actually.

Yeah. Yeah. And the solution is not just for our kids, it's for us. Because a lot of what I talk about in my book is for you. Yeah. So I think...

The way I think about it is, if you think about it as an addiction, it's something that's really hard to, I can't stop. It's like I'm out of control, right? If you think about it as a bad habit, you're suddenly like, oh, okay, maybe I can introduce a good habit. Yeah, because I'm not addicted to picking my nails. It's a bad habit that I do when I'm a bit stressed. So it's bad habits that we've, our phones have taught us this. So also it's not our fault. But I think for me, it's about little habits.

And we can all do this. Go on. Hit me with some. So number one, I call it a family pledge, but especially with teenagers. You agree some rules. So simple rules, and they don't have to be the same in your house as they are in mine. But why don't you agree spaces in your house where tech is allowed, phones, and spaces in your house where there isn't any?

Yeah, good idea. Like one rule. You can still carry it, but when you're in that space, you don't look at it. And if you do look at it, you all agree you can remind each other, taking it up. I think the truth of the matter is if I'm carrying it. I agree. I've lost the battle. I'm going to start my heart.

But I'm trying to give you like little habits, right? Salop your pockets. Salop your pockets. I'm the same, Josh. If I have it on me, that's, you know, game over. So again, plug it in. You know, think of it as parking your car. You plug it, you plug your phone and you walk her off your house.

It's stuff like... It's that distance helps, right? But it's little, tiny little things. Like, for me, having sound spaces like we have no phones in our bedrooms. I need to do that, but it's a really big difference. Like, oh, I need to set. the alarm tomorrow. You can buy an alarm clock.

I know, I know, of course. But it's... Get your phone out, buy it. Also, let's say, get your phone out. Click phone to use. Use it to buy something to stop using it. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. For me, it's like tiny, tiny little tweaks. Like, we can all do it. Switch off all your notification. So I did this. And I cannot tell you how long it took me to switch off all the notifications. Any app you download

automatically. Oh, I try and say no. I try and say no to those. I'm going to do it now live. No, you can't. It'll take you hours. Rob will take you. It took me hours.

Because you have to go into the settings and do it one up at time. Oh, it's awful. No, I've got a lawnmower tells me it started law mowing. Yeah. I'm not kidding, though. It's like, your phone does not want to make this easy for you because it doesn't serve them. Oh, God. But if we all did it, like, even if you're like, which one can I do?

Which one can I begin with? If you start doing it, you're also teaching your teenage or something. And then if you all kind of, Do it together messily imperfect like I said I've been carrying my phone a lot more But my daughter's like you're playing with us why is your phone out? I'm like oh sorry You know as soon as this off my person I forget a bit like you I totally forget it's fair But she's good at reminding me and of course she's only seven she's not 17 but I do think it's never too late as soon as you start setting this up It's a bit like I do say this and I believe it your kids don't remember the kind of lectures you give them

No do this do that whatever you know, whatever, dad. But actually the little habits you instill in your house, the traditions, the readings. They do. They will remember them. I do stuff that I did in my house because that's what we did in my house, not because there's a logic.

Does that make sense? So there's an opportunity, really, because if you're about at the stage that we're now, when my daughter gets to year seven, maybe she gets a phone. Obviously, no social media ban might come in by them, but no social media, it's just a phone that does, you know, maps and messages and stuff like.

that and then we go right here's your phone but from now we're all going to have a family house phone rules yeah and it gives you and if okay because then if you're learning together with your daughter or your son then it's sort of a starting off point absolutely and also it makes them feel included so I've heard all these things I'm sure you have as well like set a contract for your kid you know do this do that and I'm like well those like strict rules like you're not allowed a phone here you're not allowed to like that's fine but if you're not doing the same as them they're never going to do it They're going to be like, well, this is mean, firstly, and two, you don't believe in it because you do what you want. Yeah.

And then if you've got younger, how does it work with younger siblings? So what normally happens is, say you've got a 12-year-old that's at school needs a phone now, okay? Then the 10-year-old is still at a promise school doesn't need the phone because you're dropping off, blah, blah, blah, goes, well, she's got on, I want, I feel left out now. Of course. There's a danger. It normally happens that the youngest child always gets everything a little bit sooner than the eldest one did. I mean. There's that.

So are you really hard-line with you? am. Is that awful? No, it's not. I'm really hardline about it. I'm like, you're not old enough. You don't need it. You're not old enough.

Your sibling has it for these reasons. And when you get that, you will get one too. Well, we and Lou had that discussion because our eldest 10, we got one of their ears pierced. We thought, you know what? What a great way to feel a bit older that isn't tech or whatever. So she's got her ears down. And then the youngest one, absolutely livid. Of course.

And then she's got a friend that's got her done and whatever, because every household has different ages. But he's like, well, no. and we just said, no, you've got to wait till 10 because one is not, because you think, oh, it's unfair on the youngest, but actually it's unfair on the eldest. It sounds like, exactly. And then it's equal, but it you... I think your kids are allowed to be disappointed.

I mean, I say this all the time. I know it's like a separate topic, but I guess with smart phones, there's a lot of disappointment. Yes. Your job as a parent is not not to disappoint your child. Like, disappoint them. Like, it's part of life and it's okay. They're allowed to be angry with you. They're allowed to be upset.

Be like, this is really unfair. and you can say but when you're 10, 12, whatever, you'll get it too. Like, don't worry. Like something you look forward to. And I don't know. I think it's important. I think it's important to wait. So the social media ban, I know, I sort of saw the headline of it.

And because our kids are younger, it doesn't immediately impact us. So I didn't look into it. So what are they saying? It's banned for under 16s. Yes. And that encompasses like all forms of social media. It's like, Instagram. No. So what will be banned on, and you say banned,

and were you pleased? Oh, this is a big topic, isn't it? Was I pleased? Yes and no. Because can I just say from my perspective, a seven and eight and five-year-old, and I don't know whether you felt like this, Rob. I thought I'd been thinking, this is coming down the hill, this is coming down the hill. When that came out, I was like, oh, thank God, I'm so glad my daughter's not five years older. because I feel like that's going to save me somewhat.

Protect you. Protect me. Because I felt like, you know, it's much easier to police like that. And I know people go, well, people will just break the rules. Of course, but that will happen anyway. You can't ban murder because people will just commit on. Exactly. So what, as an expert, that was my layman's feeling was, thank God.

Okay. That's handy. wearing my mum hat I feel like you Josh but wearing my professional hat I'm not I don't feel like I'm an expert in anything but wearing my professional hat you're not a clinical in that case we've wasted an hour and a half for our time please don't tell me you're not an expert on the first expert one we've done it's the last thing we need all right I'm an exit I would say I was disappointed is my okay okay so the thing and this isn't to scare anybody I'm really anti-fear-monger on this topic. I think there's a lot of that. A lot of like escalating of panic. And I'm like, that doesn't help anybody. Like, having fear in your body

as a parent does not help you make healthy choices. Right? So I think it's disappointing because what they banned is certain apps. And that is not in compass like the scale of what social media looks like for kids. So one, they're going to bypass it by using a

different app. Like... VPNs. Also tech moves much faster than legislation. So do you think it's more Not even no, I mean like instead of using, for example, instead of using Instagram, they'll just use WhatsApp. Yeah, basically, France Reunited. So what you're saying is this is an excellent time to get in the market with a new social media app that is normal. I think there's lots of people doing exactly that. So it's just bad news.

But they already exist as well and kids know what they are. And so they'll just divert to something else. So what can you do about that? So I think the disappointment for me is that they really needed to put the onus, not on us the parents or on the kids because it feels like a lot of it is the kids. Yeah. They needed to put it on the tech people and say unless you create you know apps like this following this guidance we will ban them completely like just banned. Like just don't let them exist. But they haven't done that right. They haven't put that pressure on

tech because you can you can create healthy like safe technology. It is possible. These These are super intelligent people who create these incredible platforms. Of course you can design them better and you can design them safe by design. They're choosing not to. Like we need to be aware that they're doing this. So Instagram under 16s where it's basically like there's no likes. There's no, you know, and all the things are calls. Is there a world in which you could imagine a social media app you would let your teenager on?

I think if they made it safe by design, I would. And what do you mean by safe by design? So safe by design means any of that content would not be allowed on, like, at all. But they allow it. We know this, right? Totally. But I would say that the problems go deeper than that, right? Yeah, I mean, the problem goes deep.

Which is the whole way it's constructed. 100%. Is it not the sheer way the apps work, the, as you said, that's the problem. That's the problem. I mean, we need to be aware that that's the problem. So I think the ban is helpful in terms of changing social norms. You know the whole like all the kids are on Instagram That's obviously going to

Over time And it will take years But over time it will fall to Like your kids and my kids will never be on it Fingers crossed Do you know what I mean? Yeah It's not the norm

The kids are not using it So why would they be on it? And what are kids going to watch If they're not watching Rob's Golf Channel? I don't know Good question Bluey Well maybe it's a good

You know I don't know I'm just a good sport There's positivity on there So I think it changes social norms, which is great, but I think it doesn't kind of, unfortunately, for me and for you, for parents, it doesn't absolve us of having to teach our kids how to use it. So there was this like research that was done and the data is in my book. And within like two and a half minutes of TikTok, boys are sent violent, violent, pornographic, misogynistic content. And girls are sent things to do with their bodies like beauty and, yeah, pro-thinness.

You're praying on the prime and instincts of your worst personality traits. Vulnerability. It prays on vulnerability. It doesn't prey on interest. Right? You're into golf? They're not going to send you a golf video. They're going to send you something that's like, are you vulnerable with this? Let me test it out. If you're vulnerable about something, there's more likely you're going to watch it or click on it because it's like, oh, how can I solve this? Yes. Where actually, and it's that fear mongering. And kids, teenagers are much.

much more vulnerable than adults because that's an adult like you were saying you'll do it and you're like oh my god it's serving me all this content and I don't really want to watch it yeah you know kids brains are not like that yeah they are a lot more like they're more impulsive so they'll watch something and they'll watch it just out of curiosity or even out of like distress and they're like I can't click away from it yeah like a rabbit in the headlights and so they're stuck and so the algorithm goes you like it so then you just get more and you know it's just oh it's such a minefield and I think as a parent you need to think the band helps and it's not a full solution

so you still need to be on it you can't rest on your laurels no you can't you have to keep having the conversations it feels to me from talking to you like the kind of rules that you're in episode one you're talking about dialogue experiencing together being a part of

you know some of your child can talk to all these kind of things that's kind of the golden area that you need to be in for this because If you're trying to beat them in a fight of who controls the internet, they're cleverer than you and they're going to win. Absolutely. I think that is the core of everything I talk about because it's true.

And also I think when you have a teenager, they might not come to you. So I am going to say this because it's important. I don't want you to feel like, oh my God, I've done something and my kid doesn't trust me. Yes. If you think about being a teenager, there's lots of things where I'm not going to my mom and dad. Although teenagers these days are different from us. I meet lots of teenagers who are like, went straight to my mom.

You know, I'm like, oh my God, it's so gorgeous that they actually have that relationship. So don't give up and have a conversation with your teen, if you've got a teenager, about, I always say five people, but it could be three, it could be 10, who are the people that you trust that you would go to if it wasn't me? Because as a parent, you need to know, who are these people? And can they be, you know, it might be family,

it might be somebody's mom, somebody's dad, whoever. And I would say, as adults, make connections with those people and say, if my kid comes to you, I'm completely okay with that. Like, I trust you. You know, have the conversation about come to me if they come to you. But, you know, it's really important. Because teenagers will.

They'll often tell their best friend's mum rather than you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're also not like, all these teenagers have this idea of these like smoking, naughty, crazy kids. A lot of them are sort of scared and vulnerable. Yeah, I have to make a mistake. They're embarrassed. Always. Engage you and you because they're too cool, don't know.

We hate you, mom. It's often embarrassed and I'm ashamed. The hate thing is about, is a, front. Yeah. Right? That's completely like, this is my kind of mask. Yeah.

Especially the grumpy teenager. I'm like, I actually love a grumpy teenager. Maybe I won't love it when it's my daughter, but I do love them because like underneath they're so vulnerable and soft and they're just kids. So often you need to see past it and not kind of kind of jump on them immediately. Yeah. Especially if they do something wrong. See something bad.

Like I talk about this a lot. But if you want to build that relationship of trust, like don't, you know, feel like you have to put on a really hard consequence on your teenager because something awful has happened. Actually be the person who goes, yeah, like you watch something and I don't like it. Let's it's it's porn, you know, I don't like that you watched it. And this is why I don't like it. And if you're going to do it, this is what I'd rather you did or this is, can you keep talking to me? For example, you can't, you can't have your screen in your room. You can still be like the parent who goes, I get it, you're curious, you're interested, your mates are watching it. And I'm not giving you unfiltered access to it.

Like if you don't have that conversation and they are able to think, oh, okay, we can communicate about it, we can set new rules, but you will listen to me. They're just going to go and do it behind your back, which is a bigger risk for me because you don't know what they're doing. All right, Josh, we're going to switch things up and get into a game of guest the kid's slang in this special segment brought to you by Tesco Mobile. Now, I don't know about you, Josh, but I haven't got a clue what most of this means. So that means you'll have no idea either. Okay, I'll be honest I often get these things completely wrong Let's do this

I think this is a little while ago But my kids did say A turn of phrase to me Yeah And I try to be a little bit more current Than you do Yeah I'm a bit out of the touch

Because I'm 40 But my kid said Skibbidi toilet Riz So what Skibody Toilet Riz She's a cat man John Great example

And I have no idea Skibody Toilet Riz I still don't know I think it's more Just like a Jibbby that they say. Right, right, right. I think Riz is... It's charisma. Is it? Yeah. Is that what it's from? Charisma, he's got Riz. He's got Riz, charisma. Is that actually what it's from? That is true, yeah. Okay.

Oh, wow, wow, wow. You might do better than this. I've got a list here. Okay, go on. You might do better than this than I think. Right, okay. Stop glazing. Um, is this too like the normal use of glazing over? So I think it would be like not listening, like just looking into the distance. No. It's slang for overly praising someone. She glazing it too much because a donut with a bit of glaze is nice. You've improved the donut. Looks maxing.

Looks maxing. That is like... Looks maxing. Yeah, that's like making yourself look the best as possible on social media. Yes, a slang for maximizing your looks. Yeah. She's lang, they're lang. He's lang?

Leng. They're lang. They are just a great guy or girl. Attractive or good looking. Oh. So you could say Josh is laying now after his skin routine and he's really looks maxing. He's looks maxing and he's not close to Leng yet. And finally, they are clapped.

Exhausted. No, but I think that's a good, so it's not right. Someone's clapped, they're clapped. They're the best because they just get so many claps. No, they're ugly. Oh, that's a shame. negative, isn't it? The thing is not understanding what your kids are saying makes it a lot harder to understand what's going on in their online world.

Ask your kids what RIS means isn't about being a cool parent. It's a great way to open up and chat about their online lives. These conversations help us to keep up, which helps to keep them safe. And if you need a hand, starting them, the Tesco Mobile Online Safety Hub is definitely worth a look. We three people that talk are talking from the perspective of none of us have got teenagers yet. And we're talking about what we're going to do. What if I'm someone who's going, I've got a 13 year old who's on these things. I think I've made a mistake with that. That's tougher than saying to a 7-year-old, you're no longer having YouTube.

Of course. To say to a 14-year-old, you're no longer having Instagram. I think you negotiate with them. And I think negotiation is what it is. As a parent, you can say, I think you're on it for too much. And this is why. Or what I notice. I always try and frame it not from like an emotional.

perspective. Talk about your emotion. I'm worried about you. You spend six hours on your phone in your room, for example. I don't like it. I don't know what you're doing on it. I wish you were spending more time with us downstairs. In the kitchen with me, whatever. Reading a book.

Whatever. You know, name the stuff. And then say really openly with them, what do you think is an okay amount of time for you to be in your room doing whatever you're doing? Okay. Negotiate. And often people go, no, because if I say that to my teenage and they'll say six hours. They won't. Like I actually talk to teenagers and they often will

say things like, I wish my parent was harder on me. Genuinely. Do you think a lot of teenagers feel trapped by their phones? Yes, absolutely. And actually giving them that, and I talked about disappointment, but it's okay to say to your kid, six hours is too much. What does feel right? And if they say four, it's still a win. Yeah. You know, it's a win for you and it's a win for them. And then think about it as you might expand those, you know, that two hours you've got back with your kid. Make it worthwhile. Don't just say to kids, go do something else. Yeah.

Give them something that's worth doing. Go to the driver range or something or go whatever. No, but yeah, 100%. Just trying to think of it. Don't just be like, keep yourself busy. Or what's something with them? Yeah, do something with them. Yeah, the rider cup.

Stuff like that. Yeah. But it doesn't all that to be golf, I just say. No. But 100%. Yeah. Like don't just be like now busy yourself because they won't. They'll be like, well, this is really boring.

But if you make it worthwhile, like when you come off, we'll do this, you make it fun. Over time, what will happen was they'll start to sneak downstairs more. Because they're like, the stuff that's here is actually more valuable to me. So many teenagers when they have, you know, they've had experiments with it, like put their phones away, will say it's been great. I've really enjoyed it. Like most of them will say that rather than that was awful. It's the same of adults.

I don't believe that I've ever, I don't think I've ever come off my phone happier than when I picked it up. Do you know what I mean? I always pick it. It never satisfy. I never go, oh, that was good and now I'm done. You feel worse.

You're never satisfied with it. I think that's true because there's always something else on. It's like 24-7 every day of the year. Yeah, it's like a to-do list. It never ends. It never ends. So we're all dead. I think it's so important to teach our kids that there's,

that our brains and bodies need rest and time away from tech. because we haven't learnt that very well. No. No. And it's a hard lesson for us to learn, but when we do it, we feel better. But after feeling bad, it's an opportunity to do it together with our kids. A hundred percent. Make a pledge with them. Make a pledge. You know, I pledge also not have my phone at night and like scroll in bed, you know, or whatever it is.

And make yourself accountable. So if your kids see to you, go, you're doing it now. But it feels like the conclusions from both episodes are really about connection, dialogue. I mean, it's like all of parenting. Like, don't, it's not about saying the right thing. It's about being with your kid and building a relationship, which is, it's forever. I often think about this as a mom and it's daunting. But I want my kids to be in my life forever, not just until they're 18 and they're off.

Yeah, yeah. I don't want to be the parent who just gets a call on their birthday and Christmas. I want my kid to be like, something good happened to me today. Oh, it'll make me emotional. I've got on the phone and call my mom. I'll please cry. It'll be great for the video. I'm very easy to tears.

But I think, you know, I want them to be like something good happened today. I'm the first person they want to call. You know, I would love that. I would love that. I mean, I'd be okay. What can I do? You can't make that choice, right? But me and my husband have this conversation, 100%.

You know, they get married. They have their own family. You're trying to make her cry. You are. I was going to say me and my husband had this conversation. Sorry, that was really mean. I'm sorry. No, it's not.

My, um, me and my husband would not. I mean here we go would not call our parents first when something happens to us I would never pick up the phone and call my mum that's just not who I think will be there for me I call my husband and I'm his person too which is like I think that's magical because you don't always find your person you know I do you think as a couple the question I always ask is are is this the person who will be there for you at your hardest time and if the answer is no there's a problem that I work with lots of couples but you know if you know if If you're like, this is the person who's always there for me when I need them the most. Yeah. He's always there for me. And if the answer is no, there's a problem. There is. What I love about that is we've done two episodes now on sort of online safety in the kids and devices and stuff like that.

But someone listening to that all of a sudden now questioning their entire relationship with a partner. That's what they're going to leave with. And so I think for me the core is always your relationship. Yeah. Like always. And I think as long as you focus on that, you're going to mess up. You're going to get things wrong. You're going to, you know, let your kid watch something and then go, I regret it.

That's life. That's just parenting. Like, no one is a perfect parent and your kids don't need a perfect parent. I was going to say, the Sims thing. I love that example because, yes, your kid can watch them getting at it under the sheet and still be okay. If you're the kind of parent who then sits there, talks to them, sues them. Thank you so much. My pleasure.

The book is called The Smartphone Solution. It's about building healthy habits with tech. That's what SmartFound Solution is about and how you can do that. as a family. Brilliant. Dr. Marta. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. I like that, Josh. I see that as a companion, Peter. I thought they were separate, but really it's the same principles. It's the same kind of things. Just taken on for different ages. Yeah, and I think it gave me

a little bit of hope that there's an opportunity now to, one, get a handle on my phone use as well as the kids. We can do it together as a family. I like the family pledge thing. You've got a phone now. Well, you've got phones.

no one's on their phones after 7 o'clock or whatever. And the thing is, your journey to understanding your kids' online lives can start with something as simple as a chat. And remember, keeping up keeps them safe. Visit the Tesco Mobile Online Safety Hub where Tesco Mobile have loads of tips on keeping you and your family safe online.