Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - ⚽ Is Pep Guardiola actually a bad manager? ⚽

Episode Date: October 5, 2026

The endless internatioanl break rumbles on... England smash Croatia 7-0 but honestly, does anyone really care? And elsewhere we discuss whether Pep Guardiola is actually a goodd manager in light of the rampant cheating? Enjoy! If you want to get in touch with the show you can; Email us: [e-mail] And follow us on Instagram and Tiktok: @footballinghell FPL team -⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ join the Footballing / Parenting Hell mini league ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ LEAGUE CODE: 1a5fc7 Leave us a 5* review and subscribe to the podcast please. You know the score by now. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Footballing Hell ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Monday (don't worry - it's business as usual on Tuesday and Friday with the usual Parenting Hell episodes) A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, you're listening to Footballin Hill with... We haven't got one. Yeah. Rob Beckett and Josh Woodham. How's it going, Josh? Come on, guys. Come on. We've got them coming in, though, haven't we?

We've got them coming out of our fucking ear rolls, mate. Everyone's just been busy, haven't they? In the Nations League to send them back. Of course. Josh, I am at the end of my tether. With the international break. It's an absolute sham. Talk about the word sham.

I can't believe it's still. going on at this moment in time now it's Monday the 5th of October there's fuck all until Saturday and it's a piss take right it's three weeks it's fucking insane everyone hates it it's not even a money reason all the best money comes through the top leagues anyway no one gives a fuck about i watched england play Croatia in front of 7000 school children for a reason i still don't understand it was like watching football we played in front of zippos fucking circus fuck it off let's get back to the premier league now. It feels like you might have been listening also to too many hours of Kandhi and O'Hara.

No, not at all. I've not, I've got, there's nothing for them to talk about. Nothing's happened. That's not stopped them before. This morning, on Talksport, Ali McQuest was talking about the winner of a rally driving race in Sardinia. Now, if that doesn't tell you, no one cares about international football, nothing will. It's a fucking disgrace and it has to stop. But I need a moralistic reason for this. Basically, the small. Smaller nations can't compete with the bigger nations because their squads aren't big enough, so they suffer over three weeks. That's my moral reason. Now, let's just fucking scrap it.

I don't think that's good enough. Craig Bellamy said it. Did he? Yeah, about Wales because they keep losing. I think he's saying his squad's not big enough. It's not fair. But that's how it works. Well, yeah, exactly.

If you're a small nation, a small nation, either, join the UK. That's the absolute romance of international football. Here's an idea for your Wales. Just join England. I know you don't want to, but you might make a bigger chance in tournaments. Just saying it. I don't think it would make any difference, would it? And that's a double slam to Wales, actually.

The talk of the United Great Britain team has really gone downhill since Gareth Bale's career ended. Yeah, that really got talked up for the Olympics, didn't it? I don't think anyone wants a group of Great Britain team. No, I don't. I actually, I don't know what Craig Bainty said, but it's not a bad time to be a small nation because the tournaments are getting bigger and bigger. The opportunities are getting bigger and bigger to look at Cape Verde and Wayne, what's he called?

Craig. Craig, Craig, Wayne Bellamy? Wayne Bellamy. Do you want me to go through the Wales line up to see who you want in the England team? Yep. We've got Ward in goal. Okay, who's he? I don't know.

Ben Davis, I think he plays for... I was actually a 50th birthday party with Ben Davis a few months ago. Was you? Yeah. That was it. All right, okay. That's that spoken. Cabango.

You're not interested in Ben David. I mean, my Ben Davis is on it go anymore. Honestly, no, but let's try. Didn't speak to him. Okay. I saw Mark Noble on Saturday. Not Mark Noble. Fucking Al Jarrad Bowen. They do have a similar head.

They do, don't they? And they've got a similar life. West Ham through and through. West Ham through and through kind of fringes of England, but never quite made it their own. Bowen might leave West Ham. Why would he do that now? Well, he's 29, I reckon. He's done it in the summer.

Well, it depends how long his contract is, but I feel like he could have got one big move in the summer, couldn't he? Yeah, but he stayed, so now you're like, well, I could just be a club legend now. He's played for Hereford, Hull, Westland. Well, this is what we need to discuss, Rob. Go on. If you're a Man City player,

are you angling for a move? Do you think Elliot Anderson's going, you've got to be fucking kidding me? No, because I think he's thought, I'm getting paid so much money. And really, I think new players won't sign for them, but the ones that already there know that, look, they've probably been told, look, they're going to appeal it.

It's going to take two, three years. By the time the appeal's done, you'll probably be on the move anyway and you'll have won a free trade. You can move then. That's what they recruited, I think, so much, in case there's a transfer ban. But you're not joining now, are you? Well, no, of course.

I'm not joining that. Well, maybe if I'm a good championship player, I think this is a great way to get a championship medal. Yeah, of course, but if you're a top international player, you're not going Man City. No. Can I say, Rob? Go on. I can't consume enough information about the Manchester City story.

Well, I can. I'm more than at my limit. I just want the result. Oh, I love it. I love it. I'm bored of like these people that climb out the woodwork as some sort of expert and sat, you know, oh, we're joined now by Billy Killigan, who's the, the Talksborg Fraud Report. I was like, what the fuck's this geezer's job?

Like, where are they all the time with other football news? Who are these, you know, the experts come out? Yeah, like football business experts. I want to hear from Kendi. I don't. You sent me a clip that thankfully didn't work of Jason Kendi and Jamie O'Hara. Yeah, I said, how can you not like this?

Oh, my word. You wouldn't want to run against a pig. I tell you there, right, you ain't quicker than the pig. I reckon I'm quicker than a pig. You're not quicker than a pig. Now or when you've played? Now. Even now, mate.

I'm quicker than a pig. Why are you looking to me like I'm not quicker than a pig? You're not quicker than a pig. I'm 100% quicker than a pig. I guarantee you not quicker than a pig. How much you want to bet? I'll bet. I'll bet you're a baker sandwich.

I mean, that's a bit weak. How quick there's a pig, bro? 30 mile now. They don't, right? That's not true. Is that true? Quicker than a pig? That's better than their usual fare.

I just thought that was funny. That is funny. I'll give them that. Look at the pink's funny, isn't it? I would say you could add that to your dossier of evidence and says the international break needs to end first. Yeah, I mean, like, let's face it, that's not the peak performance of broadcasting,

but there's nothing else to talk about. England won 7-0 and no one cares. Things I want to talk about, England winning 7-0. Let's not do a list. We know this doesn't work. Sorry. Just fucking relax into it. Feet up and just fucking, just express yourself.

All right. Let's stay on Man City. Let's stay on Man City. Okay. What do you want to say about Man City? I just think it's the most fun football story that's ever happened in the history of football. It's fun, but it's not fun if they get off with it.

And it feels like they're going to. They're not going to get off with it. It's going to the top of British politics. No, but that's not, they're not going to get involved. They're saying it was the state covered those sponsorships that's separate from the ownership of the club. So you're essentially accusing the state of Abu Dhabi for fraud. And then basically what you want to do is,

if you're Abu Dhabi, say to the British Prime Minister or consulate, we're not going to do that deal anymore with you because of this. So get that to go and we'll do that. That's just how it works? Yeah, but I bet you they don't. It would play too bad. How will we know this bet you're baking sandwich? Bet you're bacon sandwich.

But they might. I don't know. The great thing is, Rob, right? Even if they get off. God, I need Tottenham back. Go on. Is this not brilliant that even if they get off, everyone knows.

Do you know what I mean? It's like you're basically... OJ Simpson. Yeah, that's exactly what I was going to say. Literally what I was going to say. Really? Yeah. Marry me.

I've just got visions of Pep Guardiola been chased down the freeway in a white Bronco. Oh, so the coincidence that just happened to be the year he left. His statement was absolutely wild. I loved it. Well, they're acting like they're in the rock. They're like being bullied by everyone.

I know. Did you see the press conference where the person asked Pep Guardiola if he had ever been paid, like, in random ways like Mancini? And he got so angry about it. And you'd just be like, well, that is a fair question. You made the same club with the same owners. Someone's been paid. Same job.

Someone's been paid in a strange way. And all he's got to say is, no, absolutely not. Not get all angry and defensive. What I like about the Pep Guadiola situation. Sorry, you're right there with your chair. You're moving it. You're in a new office. office today.

Just move my arms up. I find new ergonomic office chairs too confusing. If the waves, they kind of give and take. When I started an office, you had up and down. Exactly. Just up and down, roll about. That was it. Well, we don't want to hear about you're looming in the office.

We've heard that story already. Pep Guardiola, because he's a bit holy than now. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. It is fun. And it also means, I'm going to say it. I don't think Peg Guadierrez has achieved that much in his career. There we go.

Let's open up. Come on. So Barcelona, he did brilliantly. But he had Lionel Messi, yeah? Yeah, Messi. And also, Biscuits and Niesta and Chavi that were already there through the system. He's not had to buy them. They're just there, I think.

Yeah. I think that's right. Michael, stop me if I'm wrong. No, that's correct. He's inherited the greatest club team of all time with the greatest single player of all time. Oh, okay. So I see where Michael sits on the fence. Then, Byron, Munich, he won the Bundes League.

I could win the Bundes League with you up front. Yeah. Barry Cain and Josh Whitaker up front. Absolutely fine. And then he only managed to win the Champions League once while a club that had been cheating for a decade. Yes. I don't think he's a very good manager.

Where else does he won? That's it, isn't it? He won the league a load of times. Yeah, but also La Liga with Messi, come on. Yeah. So what's he done? And all of the Man City stuff was cheating. Because even after the cheating, it doesn't matter.

That's like going, oh, well, Lance Armstrong. you know, if you've done, if you stopped taking steroids a few weeks before the Tour de France, it doesn't mean that that's... Well, also as well, what's amazing is, they're like, he's not even, they've not even cheated in a fun way. The point of cheating is you don't do any work. So, for example, if I do homework now, I'd probably just get AI to write it all and I've cheated and I've done nothing. What I wouldn't do is get AI to write all and then write another one myself and then sort of

think, oh, I don't need that. So he's ripped his air out, scratched his head, gone mad, everything. it's gone, falling apart around him, and he was cheating anyway. I'm like, you've not benefited from the cheated. You've exhausted yourself

with this mad Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, success as everything approach, and you've cheated and you're still shit. You know what I mean? One Champions League with that squad. Come on. It's an absolute joke.

She'd be embarrassed. They've not won enough. Also, you know these people that go, you can't take it away because the players and the fans but they got it by cheating. I feel sorry for the fact. I feel sorry for Man City fans.

I don't. They haven't because it wasn't real. Yeah. They know deep down that they were like, crappy Man City, great club, great fans, good, like, you know, everyone quite like Man City and they were up and down and whatever and everyone loved them because of Man United and blah blah, blah.

And then basically they've, these have come in and in good faith the fans have trusted them. and they've been let down by the owners so that it's all bollocks. Do you know what it is? You know when your mum used to send your Valentine's cards? You get to 18 and you go

fucking hell, I'm actually a complete virgin. My mum did that. None of those were true. None of those were real valentines. I trusted my mum. She got busy to try and make me happy. But I'm not really happy because it's not real. No, exactly.

And if it was real, that would be sick and she should be in prison. Obviously that was all. It totally undefed me. of minds the point of winning the league, really, because now they've gone, look, let's take them off the league, right, voided, and let's give them to other clubs. And the other clubs go,

oh, it doesn't really mean anything, no, does it? Well, why bother this year, then? If it doesn't mean anything, like, if it's just a truth, a meaningless trope. Do you know what? I'm going to say, guys, none of it means anything. No, it's pointless. Finally we realised, the whole thing means nothing.

The greatest, most successful manager of all time, PEP Guardiola. I watch that documentary. I've never felt more sorry for anyone I've ever met in my life. He looked so fucked. He looked exhausted. He looked tired. He looked frustrated.

And he's in absolutely... I think there's a big shout for not just football, the whole world, celebrating people doing fuck all and achieving fuckall but managing to float through without having a breakdown.

That's the aim. That's the aim. And we both failed. Yeah. I'm one of them. I'm one of them fucking losers that just keeps going mental. Any opportunity

to chill out and I'll fucking gobble something else off. Can I ask a question? Always, always. Of course, absolutely. It might be better for Michael to try and answer this. Whoa, okay. No, let me have a go.

Okay. So have you seen like the graphs they've done where they're... Michael? I'm not doing graphs. So where you can see how much each year they put in and it starts quite small, but by year whatever it is, how many years was it that they've been, done for eight or whatever it's about 130 million of the 230 million right but they're declaring

it's like 900 million that's over the 10 years oh sorry each year got over the year so by the last year they're putting an extra 130 million so then suddenly the the investigation starts so does their money coming in from these people after the investigation starts when suddenly we go care, does it stop being really high, or are they still doing it? I actually think I know the answer to this, but Michael, you go first and I'll mop up anything you leave on the table. Well, I understand what you're saying, but I don't know if I know the answer. I suspect they didn't reduce them.

They just found smarter, more legal ways to do it. I don't know the answer, but I'm going to give you the answer. Okay, that's perfect. I think as a football business, they, because of the success, became much more popular. so shirt sales, overseas fans and all that increased. When you watch it, it slowly grows, but then to maintain would have to go up about 150 million pounds. Maybe there'll be another investigation in 10 years.

Oh my God. Just keep them coming. Just keep them coming. But I want a bit of resolution soon, but I don't think there will be. They reckon that the people should take three, four months, so hopefully early. They've got to get it sorted by the end of this Premier League. Do you remember when Mark Morrison got a look-alike to do his community service?

Sorry, the return of the Mac? Return of the Mac. Yeah, okay, sorry, go on. He got community service. We've done musical hell next week. I'll get that, right? Mark Morrison got a look-like to do his community service. How do I not know this story?

Go on, carry on. Would you think that's what Papp's doing with Ends Homer Eska? I mean, you have to go deep into the niche musical, topical news stories there for that to work, but yeah. Are you enjoying it, Michael? as a man you fan Do you want Do you Google it

Mark Wilson lookalike community service? I'm trying to get the lookalike though But I don't think there is the one No, I don't think there was a No yes to answer your question I am very much enjoying it Would you want the league titles I want them stripped

But I don't want them No I don't think they should reward them I think they should just be to no one You know we came second And you know maybe we would have come first On those two seasons It doesn't really matter What's done is done

I don't think you can take any joy or pleasure Is either a fan a player from those medals, but you can take so much joy if they're taken away from them. Yeah, I think that's funnier. I think it's funnier if there's no league winners for those years. So for example, in all the records books, it's taken away from them. And when they're like in official capacities referred to as like two times Premier League winners instead of six or seven or whatever they are, I don't know. But, you know, like in stadiums, they have pictures of medals they've won and trophies they've won. Would they have to be taken down? Would they make them

remove them from the museum or is that a club decision? I think that needs to be. I think any reference to it in like even in a banner, in a fans banner, I think they have to go. Sorry you're going to need to remove that. They can't do that, can they? No, but I think they'd be nice if they did. Yeah. The admin mess is what makes it really funny. Like the fans have got tattoos of those wins. Oh, they have to be removed. It's just funny. All of that is funny. But they're wankers anyway, aren't they? People that get tattoos. You have to un-stitch the stars from a, do they have stars above that they probably don't do they do they have a Champions League star above there?

Then does that get stripped? The Premier League can't strip that, only UEFA can. Or if they're not going to strip it, I just think it should just, at the end of each one, it should say, did you win it though? I tell you what they should.

I think when they play the Champions League, instead of the normal Champions League music, they should play it on like a sort of flute or something. You know, like, whew, no, no, no. Yeah, like a little pet. It should be played like that as in like a look, this is a,

fucking joke. This is a sham. So stuff like that. They have clown mascots instead of the kids. I've never really engaged with the word sham that much. It's got so big this week the word sham. I love it.

You know me sham wedding? Yeah. By the way, this isn't a dig at Man City. I would be laughing this much at any club that was that successful. So same with Tottenham being shit. I'd be laughing the same if it was Liverpool or Man United or Chelsea or whatever.

That is totally what's gone on. So don't, if you're, the Man City fans that have been ringing up to talk sport, I swear they're paid actors. These people can't be real. Do you know what I mean? Who's a normal Man City fan that, Jason Manford? Do you want to ring him? Shall I ring Dave Marston from the John and Ellis show?

Yeah, he's a Man City fan, isn't he? Shall I just ring him now? See what he thinks. Okay. I think he'd probably be embarrassed and annoyed. Do you? Yeah, I'd be it if it was Arsenal. But it depends how much some people really love their club, don't they?

I don't mean? You're right. I'm just doing footballing hell with Rob. Yeah. Which we're recording at this moment. And we just wanted to talk to what we described as a reasonable Mancity fan. Yeah. Okay.

How are you? I'm all right. I'm all right. I'm pretty pragmatic about it all, Josh, to be honest. It's not great, is it? But it's also only football. And I've got, I've got... other things to really, really worry about.

So it's not nice, but it's... What the other? Do you want to go into those other things? Well, I've got three bloody kids, Josh, and I've got a job that takes 12 hours a day to keep Alice and John happy. What do you think? So could I ask one question? We don't think Pep Guarillo is a good manager anymore.

That's bollocks. That is bollocks. But he only won Champions League when he was cheating. and he didn't win it with Bayern Munich. Well, the appeal's been, I will say the appeal has been launched. Oh, here we go. Here we go. We don't actually guilty of anything yet.

And I, you know, I'm still facing my owners. He's clearly a good manager. That's rubbish. And you know that's rubbish. The Barcelona stuff don't count. But we were just saying the Barcelona stuff doesn't count because he's got the best player ever and like all these amazing players. Anyone can win the Bundes League with Bayern Munich.

and then he only won one championship league when he was cheating if anything he's underachieved. It's under appeal. We just have to wait to see. But I think,

I still think he's a very, very good manager. And I don't think you can take away, you can't take away like how he's still managed to do what he did. Yes, if there's extra money being injected into a club,

it's not a great look, is it? But I still think he's still a good manager. That's crazy to say that he's not an encourage. Where would you? in terms of level of manpower? I reckon about Steve Bruce, levels.

If they lose your pill, how will he feel about it all? When all this first came out, I was very flippant about seeing and thought, do you know what? We've got loads of money and we'll get away with it. Well, no, even that, just to, do you know what? I had some of the best, I had some of those fun years of being a city fan

as we went through the divisions. That's genuine. Yeah, Lance Armstrong had a great time on the Tour de France. I had the season taken to Kippax. We couldn't believe what was going on, but also it was bloody funny, like playing Lincoln away and getting hammered. Nothing wrong with that.

And it was good son. So that was my initial response. And I think since then, over the last week, I have been a bit sadder about it because then you start saying, well, hold on. This is a club that I've loved since the age of six.

And there are all those memories. And there is, I'm probably closer to the club than I was letting out. I was actually letting myself believe when the new third. came out and actually over the past week it's been a bit more like oh this is a bit shit because

do you can I ask well you don't need to go into this have you ever been have you ever been in a relationship where someone's cheated on you you don't need to answer but and then can you look back on those wonderful days early doors of the relationship

still through rose tinted glasses i.e the iguero moment presuming the appeal doesn't work could you still watch that without a feeling of, oh. Tell me not. Oh, that is sad. It is sad, Josh, because I'm not, I think it surprised me.

I love it. The last few weeks, just how pig-headed city fans are being about it. Yeah. Like, there is a real reluctance to even accept the facts that things will feel differently if this does go the way that it's looking like it will go. Yeah. And I think that's just, I think that's just as being stubborn and as not wanting to admit that if all does go the way it looks like it might, and let's say there is a big, you know, monetary

sanction or there is the, you know, the stripping of titles or the relegation, I think all that will start to feel a lot more, well, naturally, it will start to feel a lot more real when it actually happens, naturally starts to happen. And I'm going to ask one last thing, which I think, would you like to distance yourself from the comments of your beloved Gallagher brothers? I like that they're sticking by them They get free tickets in the best boxes It's fine

They can tell what they want I'm not you're not going to You seem sad Oh you are it is sad I didn't get I didn't get any tickets for next summer So I do need to try and at least show the You know

Yeah yeah Yeah Yeah With the boys Okay Well I hope you're all right Dave I'm sorry about you know I'm sorry about it

Because you are a reason And see if I'm Rob Yeah I still find it hilarious, but I feel bad for real fans. But do you understand where everyone's one's mind hilarious? Yeah, I mean, that's the other thing. They did it on purpose.

Like, they landed this at a time when there was a bloody two and a, however long it's been international break. So they knew that, like, there was no way we could brief the players. All the managers were all. Oh, poor you. Brief the players, fuck off.

So just getting back is Liverpool away. Don't tell me that they didn't know exactly what they were doing. Are you going? Are you going? No way. Absolutely not. Okay.

Just wouldn't think of anything worse. You've had. Thank you, Dave. Cheers, man. Have a good day. Cheers, bye. You can see the heartbreak start starting to seep into the reality.

Oh, it's such a nice man. It is funny, though. But I feel sorry for people like that have gone, oh, this is great. And then they've been lied to by the club. I know. They should be angry at the owners, not. I know.

I'm a football fans. Oh, boy. That's funny. They're saying that Pep underachieved is such a funny angle. That all fucking annoy them so bad. I hope he gets back to Pep. Oh, I think we're the least of his problems, aren't we? If he cares what we think, does he?

I think Pep Guardiola would know who you are, Rob. Okay. I think he might have watched Loll. Last one laughing? Yeah. Look, if he does. I think Pep might have watched a Rob and Romitch. He's got young kids.

But then again, look, I feel sorry for him. he doesn't know. Rob, have you checked the league one table recently? No, I've been too busy looking at the nation league tables, actually. Plymouth, top of the league.

Yeah. How are you feeling about it coming out? Is this a big moment? We could be playing Man City next season. Didn't you lose at the weekend? No, we lost the weekend before, but we won this weekend. Got you.

But no one's been playing because I've got international. Top of the league, you, Bradford, Plymouth, Bradford Huddersfield. Feels like we're reading out, you know, the tour dates of a guest. So you're going to be at Plymouth, Bradford, Hullesfield, Sheffield, Stockport, Cambridge, Reading, Burton, Wimbledon, Oxford, Leighton, Orykham, Stevenage, Leicester, Leuton, Mansfield, Barnsie,

Bromley, Knottes County, Doncaster, M.K. Donkast, M.K.O., we're going to bottom the league. Yeah. So it's all very exciting. So, right, what's going on in nations? I mean, I'm so rudderless. Did you enjoy Ronaldo? Yeah, so apparently the manager of Portugal is got as bigger ego as Ronaldo in Portuguese football. He's like, arrogant, does whatever he wants, doesn't take any nonsense.

That's not like Portuguese manager to be like that, is it? So apparently he got called. So I was listening to actually a business sport expert. And what they say is, Ronaldo brings so much money through television rights and advertising to the Portuguese FA. They are keen for him to play for the team as long as possible. So there was an agreement. Yeah, well, that's clear. He absolutely fucked their World Cup.

There was an agreement apparently that he was going to come to this international break, play the first two games, go home and not play the second two games, right? And featuring them, so like play one or come on as a sub. So on the second game, he made him warm up for 45 minutes, and then when you're not actually coming on. So that's when Ronaldo stormed off because they had an agreement that then the bloke went back on. Brilliant. So that's why.

So whose side are you on, Josh? I'm never on Ronaldo's side. I'm on Ronaldo side actually And I'm not normally am on Ronaldo side I think it's hilarious I haven't seen him Is he looking angry, warming up? I don't know

But you do watch it Did I watch it? Portugal versus whoever it was Oh my God Every time I see it on the telly I get fucking annoyed It's such random times I watched Wales the other night

I sat in my room Lost 1-0 to Denmark No I watched them when they won 1-2-1 Did they win 2-1 against I mean This is the annoying part There's so many games Non-stop flying at me

I know and none of them are good. I just think it's funny because in the World Cup, he shouldn't have been playing. They had so many good players and they had this guy up front that could barely move.

And now, someone had to do it, Rob. What happened psychologically to Cristiano Ronaldo now, he's been arguably not only one of the best players in the world, one of the best players ever, right? Obviously, there'll be a messy Ronaldo, but you can argue that he was the best, in the world. He was the greatest ever footballer for a period of time.

Yeah. Obviously, his ability is dropping, his skills dropping because he's getting older and your body fails you as an athlete. How do you go from believing you are the greatest to ever do something to then being retired and then just doing adverts? You're going through that at the moment, aren't you? I don't think I'm ready to accept that. I don't think he is. How am I? Like, but that's why we're not the greatest ever, I suppose. I don't think it's worth being the greatest ever for mental you have to be.

If you were past your best, right, but you were insisting that they still put you on for the last 15 minutes of Mott the week each week. I'm just warming up in the mirror, practicing jokes. And then you were always too slow to get to the microphone because you're far too old. Someone's got to put you out to pasture. But the problem is these people that happened with Eric Ten Haag, was it? was it Eric Tenhaar, I'm going to man new. They expend so much energy getting rid of Cristiano Ronaldo. At that point, I think he was good enough to stay.

Oh, Michael? I mean, he was good enough to play in the Premier League, but I think what he did to the team was detrimental overall. Any team with Cristiano Ronaldo in becomes about Cristiano Ronaldo tactically and in terms of the PR, and that's not the way either we or Portugal should be playing. Okay, fair enough. Sorry, Dad.

Just trying to have a bit of a laugh at half time, actually. I'd have gone further and got him to strip off and then not brought him on. Oh, well, like full kit and then said sit down. Checked his studs and kind of questioned them. What do you reckon he does then? When does he retire? Do a linesman still check the player's stuts? That used to be a really big thing.

I mean, I still don't even think they're actually still playing football in Saudi Arabia. I think Renauda just turns up and kicks a few balls and people runs around it. Is that league still going? When players go to Saudi Arabia, I'd say this, Olly Watkins. Is that where he is? Yeah. There's so much money, Josh. If I was a footballer, I'd be all over it.

You know I would. You'd be in Saudi Arabia. I'd be Ivan Tony, straight there. Do you want to be in the World Cup squad, Tony? Do you want to be in the World Cup squad, too, mate? I want fucking 10 million a week. See you later. I'm going to name some comedians.

Yeah. I don't want you to tell me whether they go and play in the Saudi Arabian Comedy League. And I tell you if they go early or if they go late in their career. Okay, Romash? I think he could be tempted at 38 for one season. Like that kind of vibe. I don't think he'd go early, but he could be tempted to go, what, for a year, I reckon? Me?

Oh, yeah. You'd go. I don't know, actually. You're a bit moral, but you do like a pound note due to some sort of childhood problem with money. So that's the issue really. It just normally if you're working class, you have some sort of childhood fear and panic about money that will force you to the Saudi leagues for the last.

I reckon you will invent a convoluted moralistic way to do it. The Jordan Henderson. Like yeah. Yeah. You do a Henderson panic and then leave after half a year. Who else? Jimmy Carr. Jimmy Car will go at 18.

He'll do a Joanne Daru. Is it Durant? his name? Duran Duran. He went at like 23. I wouldn't go out at 23. Who was that fucking Chelsea player that went to play in China? Oscar was he thought?

Oscar, he earned a fortune. He was like 25. Right, okay, so Saudi Arabia, America or China, where would you go? Well, the money's not as good in America, is it? No, but it's a great lifestyle. I'd be all over that. I mean, it depends on much. Would you know, I think if you had Saudi and America on the table, Rob, I think you'd

take Saudi. I do Saudi for a year and then go to America for two or three. It depends which club you get in America. The moment you're playing for like Kansas City and you're like, oh, for fuck, so. Let's have a look at the MLA. Like, I want to play for New York Red Bulls. That's what I want to do. Right, let's have a look at that.

So let's see the teams that you'd play for. LA Galaxy. They're the two teams I join, but I prefer New York because it's a bit more. There's so many of them because there's Eastern Conference. There's 30 teams. Toronto, isn't there as well? Sporting Kansas City are bottom of. the league.

You want to go Minnesota? No. Austin, Salt Lake, San Diego. Salt Lake, you look like a little Mormon fella knocking about. I mean, imagine. They're playing white shirts and black trousers at a time. Everyone looks like men in black in the crowd.

Fucking beautiful stadium though. I could have a bit of salt lake, you know? Look, Lou, I just really want to fit in with the rest of the guys, so I will be having three more wives. But that is, I just want to make sure I'm assimilating with a culture. I go to New York Red Bulls. Portland, right? Yeah.

Oh yeah, that'd be quite fun. Where Liam Ridgwell played. Have you seen their mascot? Leon Regwell of this parish. Do you know what the mascot does? Portland Timbers, is he? Or is that American football? No, Portland Timbers.

Do you know what the mascot is? A log? Close. A logger, like a lumberjack. But basically, when they score a goal, he revves up his chainsaw and cuts. Amazing. It cuts like a big bit of trio off.

and then he writes the player's name and the goal when he's gone and he gets given it at the end of the game is like, oh my God, that's brilliant. And then they obviously do one as well for like if they've won. So yeah, that's a... So if it's like a deflection or whatever,

it does he... He's waiting for VAR before he fires it up. He needs it confirm. He's called Timber Joey. Oh, amazing. Also, other recommendations are best mascots to let us know from around the world, please. I went to an MLS game.

Yeah. In 2005 when I was traveling around America. There's a vice documentary about Timber Joey. is there Timber Joey America's best mascot have a little watch of that

so I went to a MLS game yeah nil nil new England versus Chicago Chicago fire and I've never seen a stadium

of people that understand football less the biggest cheer of the night was when someone did a overhead kick to keep the ball in on the halfway line

they fucking loved it. They couldn't believe it had happened. I love Americans though in America crowds, but yeah, the let's go defense chant needs to die. Let's go defense. Let's go. It's like, what is that?

Yeah. And Americans are sort of cheeky chap. You don't know what I mean? It's not like they're not boring people. No. They're just a little bit too... He's not into football and that's okay. They're a little bit too earnest and a little bit too sort of proud. if you know what I mean?

Yes. So it's like, let's go. The English will like, are a little bit cuter with the chance. Do you know what I mean? Not funnier. I'd like to play in America. I'd like to play in America. I would.

Yeah, I think America would be my favorite one if you're dropping out European leagues. What, any other comedians? Do you want to do that would go, sir? Jane DeCaster. Yeah, never go. No. He might go America, actually. I think he'd more likely sign for Dulch Hamlet, just to make a point.

Have we got any emails, Michael, to finish off? Let's do a couple of emails, because we've done pretty well, though. We've watched zero football. Oh. Hi, Josh. Sorry, but Jeff Kenner didn't play for Plymouth. I think you're confusing him with Jason Dodd. Correct.

Thank you. Andy, fellow our girl suffer. We're not sufferers. We're top of the league, mate. Now, we've got a lot of massive bastards, but first... Little shits as well. You do little shits. They'll do players food and drink habits,

and then we'll finish by adding a massive bastard to our team. Oh, well, yeah, absolutely dream, eh, Hello, lads. Will we'll hear from Bristol, but a Blackburn Rovers fan. A great submission for your little shit segment. Pull dick off. Yes. Definite little shit.

I don't seem as that little. Well, yeah, but you don't, do you? That's great joke on Strait either day about that tiny shoe that certainly gets out. Oh, thank you. I do love you. I think actually my app. I was like, yes, that is apps. Come on, Saudi.

I'm still got it. I'm still got it. Saudi dancing with the stars. All the celebrities head to. toe can't see nothing but fucking eyeballs. Like, what am I writing here? You got poor Dickoff height, five foot five inches. He's smaller than you, Josh.

How many Dickov red cards number? We do need that, actually. That's a good, uh... He only had two red cards in his Premier League career. Right, now, that's another category called dirty bastards. Yeah, okay. So we've got massive bastards, little shit. We don't want to go bastard again.

What should do for the dirty players? Because I'm thinking of the... Who's the Australian left back? It's Kevin Muskat. Oh, my wife. that thing. Nasty piece of work. Yeah, yeah. Is that what should we call it for this one?

We've got dirty, dirty rotters. Dirty rotters? Yeah. Oh yeah, Muscat is in that. Dickoff, I think, is more a little shit than he is a dirty bastard or whatever we're going to call it. Hello, a few years ago, I sat next to Roy Keane

on an easy jet flight from Barcelona to Liverpool. I can report that he bought a chicken salad sandwich, which he found so obviously distasteful that he could manage no more than one bite, before he bended it. I bet he was fucking livid. The food on for those flights isn't good.

Instead, his entire lunch consisted of one giant twicks, which he loved. I get the feeling right keen to him these people that can eat loads of chocolate and sweets and he don't put in any weight. Yeah. His body's in just such fight or flight all the time. It's just burning through calories.

I have to say, Mr. Keen was unfailingly friendly and polite with everyone that approached him, though my wife, a lifelong Liverpool fan, would not even acknowledge his existence. Sean in Preston. I think Roy Kean, I feel like I'm fairly similar to Roy Keen in the regard that if people are polite and nice to me, I'm polite and nice of them. But if they come in with a bit of attitude, they will get that straight back. Yes.

And I make no qualms about that anymore. I used to suffer it and then just still be nice because I'm worried. But now I'm at a point where I'm like, if you're going to come and be in a dick, I'll just be a dick back. I think that's fair. And I think Kean's a good guy. I think Roy Keen is genuinely a good guy. and he did say, throw your medals in the bin, Manse. Yes.

Hi, gents. Firstly, loving the new podcast. This is for rule changes to improve football. It saved me having to explain niche footballing references from parenting hell to my wife who couldn't care. For example, trying to explain who Attiliot Lombardo is, how he ruined one of my early trips, St. James's apartment. He scored Newcastles 2-1 defeat to Palace in 1998.

On the point of too much passing in football from episode one, I couldn't agree more, but I think I've got a solution. I've been saying it for years that football would be better if you got rid of the managers altogether let them oversee transfers the odd headers and volleys session in training but that's it then on match day

it's just 22 blokes going for it Cheers then I watched Exeter Rotherham on a very low point of Saturday afternoon What this year when? This Saturday just gone It was on League 2 It was on TV

It was on Sky sports plus, whatever it is, where you can watch any game at three o'clock. And you chose Exeter vrotherham? Out of the ones. Yeah, I mean, I listen to, it's a really good football podcast called You Don't Know What You're Doing. It used to be called My New Football Club, David Earl, Exeter. Well, he moved to Exeter, so he starts from Exeter. Unlike you, Josh, stuck with Plymouth. And anyway, so I'm just sort of half interested because whatever happens in the Exeter game, they sort of talk about. So if I've watched a bit, I get a bit used to the players.

basically boring sort of pep-esque pass-in sideways football but the players aren't good enough to do it for 85 minutes and then they just basically lob it up top long balls and it's the most exciting fun they nearly scored my under-s like just do that for the whole game what are you trying to prove well rob we've already discussed it pep's football statistically doesn't work because he's had an unimpressive career that kind of football needs an extra 800 million over nine years in order to be effective. And even then, not as effective as it should have been. Exactly.

At least Lance Armstrong won all his races. You know what I mean? Bang, bang, bang, bang. Should we finish with a massive bastard? Yeah, so we've got a massive bastard 11. We've got Richard Santos, Sheffield Wednesday, Cape Verde, 6'5. Then we've got Effie Young from St. Orban's and Exodus Geohagen. I don't know if I'm saying these right.

go. Yeah. I love your massive bastard sections and feel like the team your formula is one to be reckoned

with. However, as his tradition in football, I wondered whether you could start

putting together a foreign big mark, a foreign We can't keep splitting our teams. We can have

a foreign big massive Baster 11 featuring players from outside the UK building in tandem.

Well, because when I play pro evolution or Master League and you could basically sign players,

I just bought all left footed players and I call them the ones and that Steve Stulton

and John Arisa. Anyway, let's not go down that route. Forum big massive bastards 11 featuring players from outside the UK. Then once the teams are both complete, you should have a big massive bastards Champions League competition with voting on which massive bastard team

they think would come out on top. To get the ball rolling with foreign continuum, I think the Italian Chileanie, formerly of Juventus, would be perfect. Is he massive? He pulled back Sacker in the final of the Euro. Is that guy in it? I know he is.

Yeah, yeah. He got bitten by, um, Louis Suarez. I don't know if he's big enough. I don't think he's big enough. And he's too skilled. The massive bastard should be limited. No massive bastard going in this week.

Do you want one more? Yeah. Hi Tim, I'd have to put forward a player for massive bastards. Growing up in the noughties with my Glasgowian dad, I have a huge passion for Celtic. And there was one player I used to idolize and get his number on my shirt every season. Now, it wasn't number seven for the King of Kings,

Henry Larson, like you'd expect. It was number six for the, the six-foot-five, pure French-Ginian mass of muscle that was Bobo Baudi. Oh, I remember his name, but I don't remember him. He was an absolute brick wall of a defender and feared by many in Scotland. He used to jump ahead as like a bulldozer driving over a rock, but score a handful in his time. His most famous performance was single-handling silencing Chavi of Rinaldino in a famous one-nil win over Barcelona in 2004. The chart used to be Bobbo's going to get you.

It would mean the world two child of me if you could get big Bobbo. Bobo into the massive bastards hall of fame. Maybe you could go into the forum. I mean, he does look big. Big old. And also Scotland, you've got to be a massive bastard to deal with... I'm happy to put him in. Big Scottish strikers.

I'm happy to get Bobo Baudetian. He's him. Oh, hang on. Hang on. Let's do some top Trump's weight here. 190. He's between 6.3 and 6.5. And his weight is 14 stone.

I don't know if he's big enough. Okay. Do you know what? I think we should start doing it. their height and weight. I'm sorry. Because he hasn't got... John Parkin was a massive bastard.

Six foot four, 15 stone. Yep, that hasn't been suggested by... Same weight as me, actually. Worryingly. Five for eight.

They need a specific reason and to be massive. Do you know what I mean? Like the guy with the big throws or whatever. Yeah, maybe we'll have been too harsh. Maybe stick Bobo Bowding

as a placeholder. No, we're going to be harsh on the massive bastards. We need to just go, we need to be really won over. I think also, I think Bobo Baudi is a good player.

Yeah. I think the massive bastards are, that's all that. That's their main thing. Yeah. He's not just stopping Chavi and Ron Adina, but he's been a massive bastard. Yeah. Okay.

See you next time with some fucking football. Manse is Liverpool. This is Liverpool. Man United Totrum. It's going to be a bumper one. Oh, it's a great weekend of sport. El Sackio versus El Chitio on the Sunday. Sham City.

That advert, I know, I don't like picking up, betting companies, but that big advert with Shamm, welcome to Shamchester. Have you seen it? Oh, no, but that... So you know, the Tevez, welcome to Manchester in blue after he's switched from Man United.

They've done that, but it's a barrister judge with the wig on, with a... Thumb. Absolutely loved it. So much fun. Oh, it's good, in it. Right, see you next time.

Thank you today, Master Man. Bye. Thank you today, Mastermind.