Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - Now That's What I Call Parenting Hell - Volume 1

Episode Date: January 16, 2022

'Now That's What I Call Parenting Hell - Volume 1'The first in a series of special 'Best of...' compilation shows as we gear up for the return of series 4 proper. A hand crafted selection of the finest tales and advice from the Parenting Hell podcast archives. Each one a guaranteed banger. Enjoy! (Rate and review) TRACK LISTING:1. Tik Tok: Katherine Ryan (Series 1 Episode 1)2. Curry-Gate: Jon Richardson (Series 1 Episode 2)3. Curry-Gate - The Remix: Lucy Beaumont (Series 1 Episode 3)4. Breast feeding failz: Ellie Taylor (Series 1 Episode 7)5. Twin Town: Jack Dee (Series 1 Episode 11)6. Patriotic Poop: Daisy May Cooper (Series 1 Episode 13) 7. Milk Tray Incident: Shappi Khorsandi (Series 1 Episode 14)8. You've Already Got Your Leg On: Alex Brooker (Series 1 Episode 15) If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghellA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Nisprosso. Discover a world of possibilities with or without milk. Visit Nisproso.C.A. to learn more or a Nesproso boutique near you. Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Widdickham. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping.

And we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing. Hello I'm Rob Beckett and I'm Josh Whitakam and you're listening to Now That's What I Caller in Hell Volume 1. And kicking things off. Our first ever guest Catherine Ryan discusses her daughter's tick-to-top obsession. My screen time at a moment is an absolute disgrace. Yeah. My screen time last week was eight hours and then thetock obsession. My screen time at the moment is an absolute disgrace.

Yeah. My screen time last week was eight hours and then it dropped to five hours this week and I genuinely felt like I had achieved, like I'd climbed Everest to just do five hours a day on my telephone. Telephone? Who am I a Victorian? What's your screen time at the moment, Catherine? It's bad, but I read. I don't think that I'm doing, you know, nefarious activities on the phone all the time. It's not all social media.

I read all my news articles on there. I subscribe to all the newspapers. I am reading. I use it like a Kindle. I try to read, but then I just end up immediately going back onto TikTok. I can't, I can't to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. th. thii. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I just. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm the. I'm the. I'm theo. I'm theoeoeoeoeoeooea. I'm thea. I'm theooe TikTok. I'm obsessed with it. And I don't know why. I don't, on paper, I shouldn't. No, I don't know. I think it's about your level, Rob. That's about my vibe, isn't it? Bit of TikTok, bit of Lego bed. I live like a teenage girl. Well, this is the other thing with TikTok that's so annoying and you should like it.

I mean, I love the idea that 10 year olds are moving around and dancing, but it's constant. So they'll be on TikTok learning dances, but even once the phone is put away, my daughter will walk into the kitchen for snacks and she's Tick-Talk. All she wants to do is watch the older girls on Tick-Tock and learn the dances that they're doing and then emulate those dances in a crop top. And I've studied Tick-Tock because I'm trying to bond with this child. You know, I used to have a two-year-old girl and she liked me very much and now I have to reach out and basically watch these jailbate 15-year-olds doing sexy dances, doing the splits. I have to learn those dances. I made a list of how to be successful at TikTok based on what I've learned and I've tried to feed this back to Violet. But it's a terrible list. All you want to do is you need

good lighting, really nice straight white smile and you need to get your ass out and be flexible, and that's it. Well I want to ask away from thi thi thi their thi thi their thi thi to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to be to be to be to be to be their their their to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be th. to be th. to be th. th. thi to be thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi their thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. the the theat theat theat theat theeat theat theeeat theat theeeeeeeat. theee away from being successful on TicTop by the sounds of that. What you don't realize is they are like proper celebrities in that world. So if they went to an event where there was loads of kids that age, they would be people all over them going, oh my God, can I have a picture all that at 15? It's like they're mega stars in a cult. And I am ashamed a toaa. A to say a their the say that pre-lockdown I would travel around the UK with my daughter and go to a travel lodge in Milton Keynes to hang out with Tick-Tockers for like a five-hour meet-and-gree. Oh wow. How much would that cost? It costs I think 20 pounds each but then there's loads of merch there that your railroaded into buying.

There's no performance element, They don't do anything and they're lovely girls, but they just have like a step and repeat, you know, that branding board in the back, and they stand there and the children queue to hug them and record a quick Tick-Tock where they stick their tongue out, and then they resume and they queue again to do the same. And it's really weird. to be weird. thrown. thiiiiii. thi. thatatatat. that, it's, it's, it's, it's, thi. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, the, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th. And, the same and it's really a weird, you wait, I don't know what it's going to be when your daughters are 10, I know. It's only five years away for me, it's like we're in black mirror, isn't it? I can't believe how out of the loop I am when you describe that. Am I old? No, you are peacefully unaware right now and just enjoy this time because we all have different struggles at different stages of parenthood and this is the one I'm in right. I'm very ashamed to say that I paid a teenager 800 pounds to visit my house last June.

Did you? Because she's on TikTok. Yeah. So did I, but I got it out the papers. So you paid a TikTok like a basic corporate appearance fee to come to your daughter's house? Exactly that it was the only thing Violet wanted for her birthday she said well you get this tick-tocke to come to the house and I said all right so I reached out to this teen it felt very dirty just a teenage girl. I was like how much how much is it going to cost me to get you come dance in my kitchen? I think there's a weird thing where me and Joshua at the stage now where their kids are really young and we sort of feel quite young still like like like oh we sort of know about cool stuff but we don't we're completely oblivious it's only when your kids get a bit older like your daughter daughter's 10 now, that they bring into this new world, you go,

oh, that's what's going on. We're in this weird fellow period where we don't know what is cool or what is popular and then you get brought into it by your kids. Do you think my parents were thinking about like we're talking about TikTok and they were talking about that like, gladiators or like... All Josh wants is to meet jazz in a mall. I spent 300 quid on getting Shadow to come round for the afternoon to it with a massive cotton bug. That was a brilliant Catherine Ryan. If you want to listen to the whole interview you can find it right at the start,

Series 1, episode 1. That and the rest of the clip details can be to the whole interview, you can find it right at the start, series one, episode one. That and the rest of the clip details can be found in the episode listing. Up next is comedian John Richardson, and the perils of trying to make food that both he and his daughter enjoy. Good afternoon, John Richardson, how are you? Yes, I'm very well, how are you? Yeah. We're all right, are we? Yeah, we're fine. I think we're good.

Do you want to just take me through, say you've got one, you've got a daughter? We have a daughter who's three years old, about three and a half. Proper three-nager, which is how to use humor as a way of deflecting from being an absolute pain in the ass. Which, I can't criticize her for, because that's the one thing I've taught her. I mean, we're just, I mean, to let you into what's happening, it's, what is it, half past one?

I'm having a beer, because lunch was just an absolute nightmare. We had a nice morning. We went for our walk. Came back, cooked a lovely curry, no spice in it so that Elsie could have some. Put it down in front of her, just went absolutely ape shit, wouldn't toucest yet. And I've had a few meals where I've said, look, we need you to eat and we need to understand what meal times are. And today I said I said I said I said to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tooen, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tookuu.oeaugh.oeaugh.oeaugh.oomoananananananananan loomea.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a. Ia. Ia.times are. And today I said, I like this curry,

so I'm gonna leave you with your mother and you can do what you need to do. And I'm gonna eat it in a different room because I'm sick of you ruining my meals. And you had your blend curry on your own. I chopped some chilies in mine, I put some corrianda in it, all the stuff she doesn't like to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, and, and, I'm, and, and, and, and, and, and, and then, and then, and I'm, and, and then, and then, I'm, and then, and then, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, I, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, the the the the the the the the the the the stuff she doesn't like that I admitted to hand-craft a meal for a child that is now halfway through some fish dippers and waffles. Do you think maybe you'd made her

carry too bland? She said there was pepper in it and there isn't because I... fuck the fucking thing, but you can't say that to a three more, can you? I know exactly what's in it because I put it in there. What I'm learning is when the rage kicks in instantly, that's my fault, not hers. So when she says that and I say, oh look I promise you there isn't come over here and I'll show you the ingredients and look you helped me didn't you because you did the mushrooms, that's rational good daddy. The minute the reaction to that is, the fucking isn't any pepper. When that thought comes to my head, I think you need to go away now because she's bored of you as well. So I went in the different room and I think that was the right policy.

Oh, that's nice. How's your beer? The beer is cold and delicious and it's the first of, well, not many, because you know, there'll be this whole row to row row row row row row row row row row row row row row row to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have the the the the the first of, well not many, because you know there'll be this whole round to have a ginn at tea time, won't they? What are you making for tea? Are you doing a lot of cooking? Yeah, food's my sort of go to, you know, I wake up in the morning and I need to know what we're having. So last night at quarter to 12, I suddenly decided we had to have birch musely, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, to, the, to, to, to, to, to, the the tha, tie, tha, tha, the, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t.a, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, toda, toda, try, too, tooo'a, tooo'a, thauuuuu.a, thauuuuiia, tha, So I was clattering around in the kitchen, soaking oats. She didn't eat that either. What she does? She eats until she's not hungry.

She doesn't eat until she's full. I don't know if you're experiencing this. I've got two, and one eats, the younger one eats everything and all the dinner, all the dinner, really good. The other one doesn't, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the, the, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she. What, she. What, she. What, she. What, she, she, she, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's. What, she. What, she's, she's, she doesn't. What, what, she doesn't. What she doesn't. What, what, what, what, she, she, she. What she. What, she, she, she. What, she, she. What, she, she. What, she. What, she, she. What, she. What, she. What, she. What, she. What, she. What, she. What, she. What, she. What, she. What, she. What, she. What, she. What, she. What, she. What, she. What, she. What, she. What, she doesn't. What, she doesn't. What, what, she doesn't. What, what, what, what, what, she does. What, what, what, she does. What, what, she does. What, what, she does. What, what, she does. What, she does. What, not starving hunger anymore, I'm off. And then an hour later, can I have a sandwich, come to bread. Yeah. I know, but it sort of makes sense, doesn't it? When there's so many toys in the house, the sort of policy is, well, I'll just pick. You know, like when you're at a house party, you go, I'll just pick it stuff. Yeah. You can't explain to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the the to the the their their to their to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their make. their make. their make. their make. their make. their their their their their their their their their their their. It's make. It's make. It's make. It's make. It's make. It's make. It's make. It's make. It's make. It's make. It's make. It's make. It's make. It's make. It's make. It's make. It's make. It's. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. It's toy. It's t what it tastes like and you're not hungry anymore, but the policy is, you now shove all this gruel into your face until it slightly hurts.

I don't know if the words the policy is are going to be helpful to agree. She genuinely has picked up and it's one of those things you don't know you're saying it until they say it back to you. She'll say now, she'll say to me, okay, Daddy, here's the deal. And then we have a negotiation. Here's the deal, I eat this waffle, and then that's it. And then we can play. And you have to say, yeah, okay, fine. John, with these deals, you've got to be prepared to walk away. That's the thing.

I'm too prepared to walk away, that's the problem. I've got a little bit of a tip for trying to get to eat lunch, because like I said, mine don't really do it. Do a picnic buggy, but what you do is make a pack lunch, put them in the buggy with it, and then you walk for an hour whilst they eat their lunch. That is a good little tip, Rob. It is a good little th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, their, their, their, their, their, their, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. Do, to, to, to, to, to, to, tooooooooooo. Please, toooooo. Please, too. Please, to, to, to, to sit and eat a meal, you know, because this lockdown situation, she's not going to nursery anymore, and nursery was where she was learning, you know, you can be a bit of a prick at home while we're eating tea, but you can't, if you're a mess around at nursery, you'll get told off and you just won't get lunch. Well, that was my, I tell you, that was my saving grace, that was my, that was my, that was my, that was my, that was my, that was my, that was my, that, that was my, that, that, that, tha, that, that, that, that, that, that, that was my, that was my, that's that's, that's that was my, their, thi. that's, that's, th. that's, th. th. that's, that, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they. too. too. too. too. too. too. their. their. they. their. they. their, their, the parenting, was I'd always think she's picking it up at nursery.

So it doesn't matter if I drop the ball a bit. She's eating great food at nursery, so this cheese and toast is fine. And now I haven't got that. Yeah, but you worry too much, because when they go, we've got to teach them to use a knife and fork. No, what I've never met anyone. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. I've that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've toeded. I've toeea. I've toea. I've tha. toea. I've tha. I've tha. I've tha. I've tha. I go to a restaurant they're just like shoveling soup pop with their hands because they never learn. Like they will learn at some point, do you know what I mean? Like the same with sitting down, it's like you don't see like grown-ups at weddings wandering about just eating a forget because I know this is what I did as a kid. You meet someone he's like, yeah I do want this meal but you're right to push me around in a buggy while I eat it. What does Possible sound like for your business? What does Possible sound like for your business?

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John's wife Lucy, with her version of the Curry Gate scandal. It made her a corn curry with brown rice. I mean I'm tapping out of that as an adult. He never said that did he, Josh? No, he said it was a lovely curry. It was a lovely curry for John. For someone who was trying to not like food. You can't expect a kid to eat that? No, so she pretended that she wanted a poo and I made a chicken dippers.

Does she play off against each other then? Does she understand the different characters? God, she's so clever. She's been doing it. Yeah, she's had me particularly wrapped around it. She listens to John. He's the disciplinarian, and me I'm wrapped round a finger. I don't even realise I'm doing stuff and then before I know it, like a whole Easter egg's gone and she's still in her pajamas and it's four o'clock. Are you the good cop then and John's the bad cop? Do you know what I think it is?

She sees me as like her older sister. Yeah. Like a sibling. It's hard. My wife's a bit like that with the two girls. And sometimes in the morning, if it's her turn to get up with him and she goes in and they're arguing and fighting and she starts shouting, I can't work out which one's my wife. It sounds like they're all the same. I can't work th are all th. I th. I th. thoen, I thoen, I thoen, I thoen, I thoen, I thoen, I tho, I tho, I'm tho, I'm tho, I'm tho, I'm tho, I'm tho, tho, that, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. It's, thin, thin, thin, theean, thean. It's, thean. It's, thiiiiiiiiii. It's thi. It's th same. I've got three daughters. I can't work out the voices. Oh God, I do that with her socks. I can't work out who socks are who.

It's tricky in it. It's just no one can prepare you. Can they like how it changes like your relationship and your home and yeah? Is your home in a good state? John must be keeping it pretty sharp it's all bollows this thing about him being tidy is it he's absolutely not tidy no no it'll line up like tins in the fridge but everything else will just be and he's not he's not clean it doesn't who there or dust or anything like that it's all I can't believe it people I can't believe it. People think, oh, you must have a real tiarer house. No, I do it. Do it. I do it. I do everything. Yeah, I do everything. Because he was quite angry about the strainer in the sink. Apart from that, yeah. That's his thing, is it? Yeah, we do argue a lot about stuff like that, but I think it's really good to argue, thiii. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, thi, yeah, tho, yeah, yeah, tho, yeah, yeah, yeah, tho, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, thi. Yeah, thi. Yeah, thi. Yeah, thi. thi. thi. thi. to to to to to to to to to to thi. to to to thi. to to thi. Do, I thi. Do, I thi. Do thi. Do thi, thr I find that very creepy. Do you know what's happening if there's a couple who isn't arguing?

One of them is having an affair. In lockdown, that'd be ambitious so, wouldn't it? You only get an hour in the park? That's what doggers will be waiting for for years. The next highlight from the archives, the brilliant Ellie Taylor runs us through some questionable breastfeeding training advice. How did you get on with that? Because Lou found that quite difficult with the breastfeeding and stuff.

Did you enjoy it or was it hard or what was your experience of that? It was, for me it was, it was, it was pretty easy at the beginning and it came quite naturally and I was really chuffed but then I got mistitous a couple of times which was like absolute hell. So, oh my god. I don't understand what, what the fuck nature is doing. So I the first one had it, she was, she's seven weeks old, recovering from a Cesarian still. Like you're obviously at the lowest ebb you can possibly imagine and then nature decides to infect one of your tits and

I'm sorry to laugh. But it was, I mean it was, and there were always dark moments of humor in these situations and I remember like I've never been in so much pain and I was like hallucinating with this fever and we got a breastfeeding coach to come around and try and sort of work out why I got my sightis and try and help the latch. She was this strange Russian lady and to try and sort of help me work out the latch she got, she pulled out of her bag. I'm crying on the sofa in the most pain I've ever been in my life. She pulls out an Elmo hand puppet and starts to sort of demonstrate the perfect latch with the Elmo puppet on my infected tid. Oh God! At the time I was...

Oh the days of pre-corona had it been in disinfecting? It wasn't wearing a face bin on. That the way linica of Anne puppets, it. How did you feel in that moment, Ellie, that you're just sat there? Because I, well I was, you know, very, I was very vulnerable at that moment, so I was like, a lady who's doing what to do, Elmo will help me. And it was only reflecting back on it that I was like, what the fuck? I can't settle it. That Elmo's got some stories to tell, hasn't it? Piauddy up.

Can I throw some other options at you of what you would be accepting? Because you accepted Elmo, obviously like a sort of a cartoon figure? If she just whipped out of entriloquist doll? How would you feel? Because it must be a level of the cuddly toy you'll accept to do that. You know I got oh that no no no no no that that's one step too far. If it had kind eyes I'd let anything have a go at that point I think. Fair enough you're very vulnerable. And did it work? I got I got better and I don't know and then I got I got my start as a to the try and I don't understand like that. I'm a good it it it it it time really. Big bird, I had to go on the other one.

That God Cookie Monster stayed at home. Yeah, so it was like, I did like miss it though. When I stopped breastfeeding I did miss it. But then I got really quite, I remember getting quite emotional like, it's the end of our journey together. I'm just going to feed her one last time and then she started biting me and I was like oh do you know what I think we're done and it was less it was less sad to let it go but I think yeah I did still kind of miss it in a way although when I hear about some of my friends that's

still doing it and their kids are 18 months old and like they're not sleeping thooo' they's I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I'm I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm fine I'm fine I'm like yeah I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm they I'm they I'm they I'm they I'm they I I I I I I I I I I'm th I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I'm th th th th th th th th th th, just tap out. That's when Lou did, especially with my offspring. You can't have them nibbling away. O'Sheens. Now it's time for comedy legend Jack Dee and his tale of the terror of twins. And they're twins, aren't they? So you're two sons of twins? They're twins. They're both both both both both both both both both twoen. They're both twoe. They're both twoe. They're both twoe. They're both twoe. T twins. T they're both twins. T they're both twins. They two- twins. They two-T' two-T' two-a' twins. two-a'er. Thea'er. their their their their their their their their their the, if they, if they, they, they, they, they're, they're, they're, you, you're, you're, you're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they're, they're they're they're not, they're not, they're not, they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not, they're not, they're not, they're not, they're, they're, 't have any of telepathy and all that going on at the table. That would not, that would not work for me. If they have been identical, I think I would have just done een, me, me, miny moan and sold one of them. I just wouldn't want that going on would you? It'd be horrible. You know, they speak their own little language and everything. What was the moment like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like the moment like the moment like. the moment like. the moment like the moment like. the moment like. the the the the the the their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their, you. their, you. their, you. their, you. their, you. their, you. their, you. their, you. their, you. their, you. their, you. their, you. their, you. their, you. their, you. their, you. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. t. t. t. t.. the. the.. the.. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the moment like when you realized that you were going to have three but now you're going to have four children?

Well the news was broken to me actually by Hattie who's our eldest daughter. She was then, she was what, six. And I got paid, I was working at ITV and I got Paige to go to the front desk. And when I turned up Jane my wife was there with Hattie and Phoebe our two daughters and my memory is Hattie running towards me with this photo the scan photo saying there were two of them they were two of them really excited because she hadn't we didn't found out until it's about 20-week scan or something and and the guy the guy doing the sort of the things.. they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they that they they they they that they that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th I th I th I th I the the thi the thi thi the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that's that's that's that's thing and said, oh, have we told you if they're identical or not? And Jane said, what?

And that's how we found out. You know, we're identical. What you're talking about? Wow. We were lucky there, because we'd already had two children. So we kind of knew a bit about how to look after babies and kids and stuff like that. I think, I'm their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin. thin. th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. And, tho. And, tho. And, tho. And, tho. And, tho. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thin, thin, thin. And, thin. And, thin. And, thin. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, kids and stuff like that. I think I've got friends and you probably know people as well who have twins first time round and I just don't know how they cope with that. Because that is a bad enough shot with one of them isn't it?

You know, one baby will ruin your life. What did two do at the same time? Two of them coming in? Oh, I mean, just awful. Yeah. So, so what th so what th, so what's th, so what's th, so what's th, so what's thi so what's that so what's that so what's that's that's that's that's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's to, to, to, to, th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, I, I, th. thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to? to? to. to. to? to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to, to, to, to, to, to, time. Two of them coming in, I mean just awful. So what's it like having twins? So are you putting them down to bed at the same time and they're all, are you trying to bath, is it all like, are you just trying to double team them in that same? No, they would never, they were never in sync. They would with each other they could never kind of like both, they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th th to to to to thi, thi, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. So, so th, so th, so th, so th, so, are th, are th, are th, are th, are th, are th, are th, are th, are th, are th, are th, are th. So, are th th th thi, are thi, thi, thi, thi, thi to thee, to to thi to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thithe same time, both be tired at the same time. They did shift work. They were shift, that's what it was. So it was 24 hour full on. You'd have one would fall asleep the other one and wake up and so you have to get them out of the room in case they wake the other one up. It really was chaos. In fact we, a couple of times. A couple of times we just hired just hired just hired just hired the the the the the the the for the weekend to sleep. Literally just a hotel down the road.

Just someone was just going to scoot. It wasn't even a nice hotel just going down there. There's an ibis down the road which is meant they're asleep for 25 hours. Was there a point though where you thought they might be identical because I swear all babies are the same. Was that was you just looking at and going are you sure they're not? And then eventually they look differently. No one one one one of them is quite a lot chunkier than the other one. Charlie comes out first and he's the big bruiser he was taking up all the space and then and then and then Miles comes out and he's a little bit more petite and small, but, you know, I mean, it's great. And then the doctor goes, right, let's see what number three is. And Jane nearly... Jane practically has gone to the table. And he said, oh, no, just lea, just leave that to me, but yeah.

That is a great line though for someone to have been different team. I know, I felt, I know the safe limits of humor in my humor in humor in humor, I'm humor, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, th, th, th, th. And, th. th. that, that, that, that, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, that, threat, threat, that, that, that, that, that I know I said, I know the safe limits of humor in my household. And you've gone way past it. Do they get on well then? They do get on well because, I mean, partly they get on well because they're complete opposites to each other and that's I think is one of the sort of redeeming features if you have twins who decide not to be like each other or just aren't anyway. And they right from day one would not th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their, their, they they're they're they're they're their, their, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've, they've they're, they're, they're, they're, they're they're their. their. their. their. their. their, to to to to be to be to be to be te. te. I've te. I've te. I've te. I've te. I've te. I've te. I've the. I've they're the who decide not to be like each other or just aren't anyway. And they right from day one would not do the same thing as each other. So if they were doing the same homework, one would do coloring in and the other one decide not to color in and just, you know, scribble over it or something. And it would just be, it was always, I will not do what he does and vice versa. So they were never competing, never trot on each other's territory. So in that respect, it's quite good.

And I always think if you put them together, you'd have the perfect human, but they just have a very, very, very opposite view. Next up, it's Daisy May Cooper and her daughter's patriotic potty training. So Daisy, what's your set up at home? What's your kid set up? So it's me and my husband and our two-year-old daughter who's just become a complete nightmare. Oh really? Oh my god. During lockdown or? During lockdown it's just got naughtier and naughtier and naughtier and naughtier. What kind of things? Um, would I, I don't, it's so weird. So she's decided to use the shed as like an outdoor privy and she's been taking, that's why I was looking at what was so mental is I'm losing my mind so much that I was looking up to see, know if kids have been reincarnated from World War II and that's why she's.

Any evidence to suggest she has? Well, no, the only evidence I have is she's ripping her nappy off. She's done about three poos in the shed. And the latest one she was really proud of, the that, that's that, that's that. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi that's thi that's that's thi, thi, that's that's thi thi, thi, thi, that's thi, that's thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, you thi, you thi, you thi, you thi, you thi, you thi, you thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that's thi, that's thi. that's that's thi. thi. that's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, th off, she's done about three poos in the shed, and the latest one she was really proud of because for V Day we had these kind of little cocktail sticks with little flags on them and that we had in cupcakes and she'd managed to find one of them in the garden and put it in her poo in the shed and then called me over to come and witness it and I just stared at it for about 30 seconds just come in a big bafflement. Are you doing potty training then? We tried. She was brilliant before lockdown. She really enjoyed it but now she just doesn't give a fuck. She doesn't give a fuck about anyone or anything. It's just horrendous.

What did you do with the kind of flag poo? Did you say that it was good or did you? Did it have a British flag in it? Like a Union drag... Like a kind of Union Jack? Like we've claimed it. That's exactly what it was. I just, I stood in silence for about 30 seconds because it was like... In respectful silence to our flag. It's like something the far left would put on a poster about Brexit, isn't it? Look.

Oh, gosh. So are you still working at the moment? Is your husband working from home? What's that? My husband's a landscape gardener so he sort of can go out now and do sort of jobs and stuff so I'm I've been left in home with the devil child. I mean I do love her very much but it's just becoming because she just doesn't understand why she can't go to the park or why she can't go see nanny. She's so sick of face-timing relatives. Oh yeah it's just and I'm just putting Bing on and it's just on a constant like a 24-hour repeat of Bing episodes.

My daughter who's two and a half, she's got no interest in FaceTime. So it just gets offensive to the relatives very quickly. It's so awkward. They go, do you want to speak to Nanny Sue? No, no. I want poor patrol. No, no, which one? Which one?

Any Sue? what what is it don't do that don't ask which one then say no that's it all the true and are you pregnant with your second as well Daisy I'm pregnant with my second as well so I mean I haven't even thought about the second one so how how pregnant are you at the moment? I'm over just over half way. Oh right. So oh my god I just want to drink. I want to drink so much. I can't. I was googling how many. I mean, could I have three drinks if being pregnant? I thought, oh no I can't. I really can't. Your Google history is unbelievable at the moment, isn't it? Can a child be reincarnated from World War II and can I drink when I'm pregnant?

The penultimate track on this volume is the absolute banger that is milk tray moment by Shappy Cassandy. We had this incident that we still talk about the kids and I. The first few days of lockdown was the milk tray incident. Oh wow, okay. What happened in the milk tray incident then? I was trying to make life golden and happy for my children still, because that's what you do as a parent, right? You just try to make everything magical. And then the first few days of lockdown I just, when we started cooking and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and to to to to to to to the the to the to the to the to the to the tothen the first few days of lockdown I just, well haven't we started cooking and eating

together all stuff that I don't really do because I'm out of work and I got this box of milk tray and this milk tray box meant a lot to me because I went to the co-op to buy it when you know where you felt like you were putting your life in danger just stepping into a supermarket. Yeah. And I bought it and I you know left it for a couple of hours so it, I don't know, the germs ran off or whatever. So it stopped being a box of death. And then my son went to open it and him and my daughter was squabbling over how to open it. And my son's like, he's really clever and he's normally really careful with things, but he just ripped the top of the box off so you couldn't close the box again.

He just ripped it open. Next thing I knew, it was in the bin, like I put it in the bin. I just went, right, you're not having it, you don't deserve, you kids have had everything given to you on a plate. I never had a new tray when I was a kid. My parents had nothing. We didn't have swimming lessons and bad. And all of this shit came out of like screaming at my kids at how privileged they are and how lucky they are to

have a box of chocolates. You know, we had one chocolate once a year. I was, I was not Willie Wonka, Charlie, I was like Charlie from Charlie the Chocolate Matrix. Just hellish, hellish, it was awful. How many days in was this? I think it was day two. And... How did they react? I mean, they realized they were dealing with a mad woman. Like they understood that this wasn't normal. And my son just, he's so polite and he's so calm and he looked at me with like fire in his eyes and he said you are behaving really badly. They went up to their rooms and then I had to call them down and I sat down and I said, listen, sometimes like thunderstorms happen in my head and I can't normally I'd go out the house or I'd go up to my room or whatever but there's I, I behaved very badly and of course I went out the next day and I bought go out of the house or I'd go up to my room or whatever, but there's, I, I behaved very

badly and of course I went out the next day and I bought another box of milk tray that we all quietly ate, none of us enjoying it. And it's just, yeah, the milk tray incident was bad and that's when I thought right, I need to meditate, I need to, you know, really look after my head. And finally, playing us out this episode is Alex Brooker with the pros and cons of parenting with a disability. Today, it's been a big parenting day for me this morning. She's noticed my hand for the first time. It's the first ever time my eldest over here today. And she was kind of like, she was like, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, that, that, thin, th, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. And, thi, that, thi, that, th. And, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's that's that's that's when, that's when, that's when, that's that's when, that's that's that's that's when, that's that's that's that's that's that's th first time. It's the first of a time my oldest is over today. And she was kind of like, she literally was going, Daddy you've only got

two fingers and I really, like, technically it's free but two stuck together but it's fine if you want to call it too. But it's the first time and like, like it's one of those things where you know like obviously for me when I first went to like started thinking about having kids it was like a really big thing it was like I wonder how they're going to find it she didn't give a shit it was like yeah obviously the youngest was the one that weren't having it because she let go and me and then ended up Facebook and I feel like the eldest the oldest has seen that and thought, yeah, it's not an ideal hand to hold, but it's better than nothing. Like the first, I remember we first, when Mia was like a day old, I kind of went and met one of my mates at the pub quickly at lunchtime, and I said, how you're finding it, and

I was like, mate, I just keep thinking I'm gonna drop her and he was like well everyone thinks that don't they what's the worst that can happen is you have a new kid is you drop it and that's like literally everyone kind of worries about it whether you've got big I'm sure David Seaman worried about it do you know what I mean it's like he was right about being lobbed he was worried about I was holding the baby and then rolled over while I was asleep and slept on top of it and then I'd wake up in the night and the baby was in the cot and I was nowhere near it but these mad dreams everyone feels the same. They do and like I was, do you know, do what? It was as I said the eldest I feel like

we're really making progress at the moment. She's got over like the hand thing very quickly. I was surprised that was absolutely you know 20 years in my life worrying about nothing. But then... Do you know what it was, as I said, it's like quite a big thing for me today that. It's one of those things that well I'll probably think about it a bit more like later on. But yeah it was like I was genuinely up until today like really properly worried and also I have thought to myself more recently it's like you're nearly free and are you should have noticed you can count now we've done a lot of that you know how many times have you know how many times have you in front of the iPad and just put like the count in YouTube video on does she notice the leg oh mate they they they they they they the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th I th tho tho tho the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the their their their their their their their their their they. they. they. they. they. th is th is th is the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I tho. I the. I tho. I the. I the. I th they love the legs. Because I've got three different ones, haven't I? So they, I had my blue waterproof on and like,

so it's like... I was going to say that in a stream. There must be a rust risk. But if you've got a waterproof one. Do you know what? When I did that, um, that swim last year, they gave me one for getting in and out out, the water, the most flexible thing but it is literally for the first time I've got like a wooden leg so it's not like you imagine it's not like a pirate it does have like a foot on it yeah they got you a parrot as well which is a bit sensitive but you were on the feet but I yeah yeah yeah they um

she's obsessed because it's like really colorful and blue and that and she just like calls it daddy's blue leg. I've taught him out to put my leg on sometimes. When I'm like slobbed out on the couch and I've got my leg off I've like started to teach him it took me a little while with my eldest but I've taught her to like what like different bits go together to where I think it's like a big bit of duplow if I want. Yeah, you are really like a big bit of duplow. That's how I view you. Yeah, best for under fours. Alex, as your disability stopped you doing anything as a parent, like that you would have wanted to do. The one thing which I'm still always like, in the grand scheme of things, this isn't like a big thing which I'm still always like in the grand scheme of things this isn't like a big thing but the one thing I'm always slightly wary of is you know

when you have like parents and they have like their kids on their shoulders or something like that yeah I mean I that we're not delving into that we've we've given it a little go on the sofa and you just go this is the the juice isn't worth the sofa and you just go this is the juice isn't worth the squeeze for I was honest Alex I've you know I've got all the necessary limbs to do that and it's still an absolute nightmare and they launch themselves off and I've been lost for all both my kids to terrible shoulder accidents in the bar so it's probably best left we gave it a little go and I just said to just make sure

like you hold onto daddy's neck and I don't think you you to th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you the th you quite th you th you quite the th you quite th you the to the to the to the the to th you to to to to to to to to to the the their the th. to be to be to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. the. the. the. the. teeeeeeeeeeea. tea. tea. tea. tea. thea. theea. I the. I the.. We gave it a little going like to sit her just make sure like you hold onto daddy's neck and I don't think she quite realizes how important that bit of it is because I'm not really old and on the floor but that she's carrying everything for us. And straightaway we did it on the sofa, you just fell backwards on the sofa. I was like, do you know what, let's give it let's give something else. But you know what that's pretty much if I'm being honest the only thing that I'm pretty like I've not really done. Also on the flip side Alex has your disability enabled you to get out doing other things but it's a bit of a relief do you ever play it up so you go

actually I don't think I can do this because you know the old hand and leg situation is probably best you do it. Have you ever got out of anything with that? Honestly if you ask my wife it is literally every single week I'll use it like my leg takes I reckon about three seconds to put on and the amount of times when like something will be happening I'll be like yeah but I ain't got my leg on, have I? As if it's like, it's suddenly just disappear. Like, and it's just, that's like the ultimate excuse and she'll be like, well yeah,

but you can go and put it on, can't you? And it's like, well, yeah, but you're up, yeah, so you've got both your legs on. Thanks for listening. We'll see you again soon. For now that's what I call Parenting Hell, Volume 2. Hello, Tom Allen here. And Susie Ruffle. We have a podcast called Like Minded Friends. It's very much a celebration of, I don't know, what would you say, Sue's being queer? Being queer, but also chit-chat. There's loads of straight people that love it, so I think that you should come along and listen to it. So I think that you should come along and listen to it. There's something for everybody. It's been described as white noise for gays. But also we had a lovely section about Glade plugins. That sounded quite professional, didn't it? Mmm. Hello, I'm Tom Crane. And I'm Simran Shah, and we're the hosts of the new food and comedy podcast, my favorite takeaway, where each week were invited into the home of a celebrity guest

to share their favorite takeaway, exactly as they normally have it. We'll be trying it all from Peruvian street food slouched on James Acaster's L-shaped sofa, to an Antigan feast huddled around Andy Oliver's dinner table, via an Alfresco-Indian Takeaway Takeaway Takeaway ta-Sat-Sat-Wail, and we also want to hear from you the listener. Your takeaway disasters. Your weird habits. And your personal takeaway Pod or you can email us. Hello at my favorite takeaway podcast.com And don't forget to subscribe, like and share.

My favorite takeaway. The podcast for anyone who loves food but can't always be bothered to cook. Available on all podcast platforms now. Hello, I'm John Richardson and I'm here to tell you about the comedians playing Fantasy Premier League podcast. I'm Matt Ford and I'm here to tell you that although our the the the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th the the the th to the the to to the the the to the to subscribe is to the the to subscribe is to subscribe is to subscribe is to subscribe is to subscribe is to subscribe is about to subscribe is about to subscribe is to subscribe is to subscribe is to subscribe is to subscribe is to subscribe is to subscribe their to subscribe their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. to subscribe to subscribe is th. th. th. to subscribe is th. th. to the podcast is the podcast is the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. the to the to to the to the the the to to the to to their their their their the. thi. th'm here to tell you about the comedians playing Fantasy Premier League podcast. I'm Matt Ford and I'm here to tell you that although our podcast is about Fantasy Premier League, it's not just for Saddows, Loses and Virgins. Yes, for cool people, like us and you. You're listening to this, so you must be cool. Each week we follow the highs and loads of the fantasy football teams of some of the country's funniest people. The great thing is, you don't really need to be into Fantasy Premier League or even football to enjoy it.

That's because each week Matt and I compete with each other, the lowest scorer in FPL having to do a humiliating forfeit each week. Spoiler alert, every week so far, it's been Matthews. I'll be honest. It's not the start I'd hope for. I've had to do a humiliating chili challenge and try to have a pint with a duck, but it swam off. Even docks don't want to be near Matt Ford. Over the course of the season we'll be joined by comedians such as Russell Howard, Romish Ranganathan, Maisie Adam, Josh Widdickham, Jason Manford, Emily Dean, Rob Beckett, and Ian Stirling.

So don't delay. Premier League podcast now. New episodes are released every Wednesday until the end of the season. Hello, I'm Sean Walsh. And I'm Paul McCaffrey. And we're here to tell you that our podcast, What's Upset You Now is back for a brand new series. Now I know what you're thinking. Do I have time in my life for another comedian hosted podcast with my busy schedule? Well in most cases, but here's why what's upset you now is different. Each week we ask ourselves and a guest what's upset you now and we spend exactly 15 minutes discussing and ranting about the frustrations and idiocies of everyday life. Anything from a bus driver wanting

the exact change to those people doing yoga in the park. And quite often, just simply, each other. Yeah, it's basically anything and everyone. It's the podcast equivalent of being in the pub with your two funny mates, putting the world to rise. Yeah, at 2 a.m. So do expect shouting. Listen to What's Up Set You Now available on all podcast platforms.