Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - Now That's What I Call Parenting Hell - Volume 2

Episode Date: April 19, 2022

'Now That's What I Call Parenting Hell - Volume 2'While we're on a very short record break over Easter here's a hand crafted selection of the finest tales and advice from the Parenting Hell podcast archives. Each one a guaranteed banger... TRACK LISTING:1. Chris Ramsey tells us the tale of how his son Robin lost his front teeth in an accident (Series 1 Episode 19)2. Rosie Ramsey gives us her side of that very same story. They might not completely align!(Series 1 Episode 23)3. Russell Kane shares how he got his daughters sleep pattern working VERY early in the scheme of things (Series 1 Episode 21)4. Jen Brister regales us with some of the perils of being one of two mums to twin 5 year old boys (Series 1 Episode 31)5. Dara O' Briain laments a few parenting woes and techniques he picked up from his parents, for better or worse... (Series 1 Episode 27)6. Isy Suttie shares and partner Elis James' bedtime / morning schedule. At least one of them deserves a medal... (Series 1 Episode 10)7. And Elis gets his side of the same arrangement across to the guys. And they all grieve for the loss of the weekend as parents... (Series 1 Episode 33)See you on Friday for another compilation show and we're back next week for service as normal (including an epic Disney / Florida catch-up from Rob) Enjoy!If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghellA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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and member terms apply. Hello I'm Rob Beckett and I'm Josh Willickham. Welcome to Parent in Hell the show in which Josh and I discuss what is really like to be a parent which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting each week we're chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips, advice, and of course, Tales of Parenting Woe.

Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Now that's what I call Parents in Hell, Volume 2. Am I right in saying to Robin's lost, he lost his front teeth, didn't they? Oh God, yeah. So basically he had one of them, you know the balance bikes where there's no pedals that just run. They're basically running on a bike. He had one of them from, you know, as old as you allowed one, I think it was two, just before two you allowed them and he had one and he was amazing on it, but he was amazing at the point of he didn't understand fear. Like he got so good on this and he was just like, whoo-quoo and it was like everyone used to say, my God, he's fantastic on that. And it's a real boner contention, right? So there's this place in South Shilts, the the the place, the place, the place, the place, the place, the place, the place, the place, the place, the place, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, their, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, they. their, they. their, they. they. they. they. And, they. And, is is, is, is they. It's, is, is they. It's, i. It's, i. It's, i. It's, i. It's, i. It's, i. It's, th. It's, it's, th. It's, it's, it's, th. It's, it's, it's, like, like, like, like, like, i. It's, open air performance space down on the sea front that they do like little festivals there the summer.

And it's got a under like an under walkway bit that's covered over. Now the floor of that is tiled, right? But there's sort of sand everywhere because it's you know it's windy, it's the north. So he's coming down this hill that's paved and then it goesto the right okay and what did it he's only little and I'm running alongside him on this bike and me hearts and me hearts and me throat it's it's terrifying right and Rosie's just sitting watching where and he went down and I went right I don't think we should do this again he went one more I went right one more he did three times three's a three I went there will go that's and he started crying and he when I and I to to to to to to to to to the the the the the he when I the the he when I he when I the to the the the he went I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I want I to to to to to to to to to to to to he he he he he to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to he I to to to to to to to to th I to to to th I to th I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was to to to th th th the th the thr thr the thr the try I was try I was try I try I was the the no, he nearly fell, it's dangerous. And she said, and she said, do it again, go on, just let him do it again. And we did it again, and on that one,

he's got too much sand on his wheel, he slipped and his face hit the deck and both his front teeth, he snapped his two front teeth and half. And it was the worst, one of the worst moments in my life, like without a doubt, like he just hit the deck and he lifted his face up and it was just blood all over his face and two bits of his teeth were missing and Rosie and Rosie and two bits of his teeth were missing. And Rosie, and Rosie, he was like, calm down, go and get the car and I ran like I've never ran to the car park, like, the try and I'm, like, like, like, the the th, the th, like, th, th, the the th, like, like, like, th, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, of, the, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, of, like, of......... Oh, of.. Oh, of.. Oh, of. Oh, oh, of. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, th. th. th. to. the. to. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the, go and get the car. And I ran, like I've never ran to the car park, got the car, literally screeched around the corner, had the jump in the car, we drove off, she was like, calm you're driving down

and we're gonna crash on the way to the hospital, you're the idiot. So we got we got we got we got, we got, we got, we got, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, tried, tried, tried, tried, to, to, to, tried, tried, tried, to, the, the, the, to, and, and, and, and, the, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, tried, tried, tried, to, to, to, to, tried, to, to, tried, to, tried, to, to, to, they.. tried, were, were, were, were, were, they went a bit black and all his gums were really lumpy and stuff so it was basically getting infected and he got them taken out it was and does it affect him in any way? Absolutely not they're just so resilient and is that is I don't know where you get it from I'm a wimp and he is literally the one of the hardest people I've ever met in me life is like nails it? the theyles it's it rozy does rose refute ro refe refe refe refe refe refe refe refe refe re re re re re re re re re re re re re re re re re re re that re that re that re that re that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the the the the the the the th so the the thooo. the the the the. the. the the. the. the. the. the. I the. that's that's that story then and or is it a given that she said one more time and you stopped? All years, all the years I've known you and you don't believe me. Well, what is this?

No, I'm not saying it. I'm on your side here. But if we get Rosie on the podcast, will she say it differently or is it a given in the family? She's busy. She can't come on your podcast leave it do not contact her right we're gonna bring her out now like I'm surprised surprise I feel like Kear Starma let me just clarify the point here if we had Rosie on the show would she say

that she said go again and you said it's dangerous which she will then probably put forward the point that I should have just caught him like I did the previous three times. Fair enough. So I mean we've had that argument a lot. But what was interesting about what happened was what was you take, what was it was, what was you take, we took him to Newcastle to their hospital to get his, to get the teeth, teeth, teeth, teeth, teeth, teeth, teeth, teeth, teeth, teeth, teeth, teeth, teeth, teeth, teeth, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, I, the, the, I, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, and, the, the, and, the, and, the, the, the, the, then he went in with the nurse and sort of put him under anesthetic and pulled the two out and we had to walk around this kind of one-way corridor you kind

of dropped him off and then you walked around the other way and then he came out of the other end like a conveyor belt like dropping your lucked the airpour like really did? Really did you tie-I the the the the the the the they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th th th th th th th th th th th th th thee. thee. Did thee thee to to to to the. Did their their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tie tie th th took tie tie the. tie tie their tie tie their tie their tie tie their tie tie their tie tie tie tie tie took toe took took tie something around him? So he's recognized him when he came out. I cling filmed him like when people do when he was on the machine. When he come around, right? And honestly, right, we got around. We're so worried. I think I was probably crying. I'm a disgrace. But I was walking around. And he came out and he was sitting, eating, both front teeth on the nurse's knee, and she was like, I can't believe it. She was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Did, th. Did, th. Did, th. Did, th. Did, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they. they. they. th. th. th. thi. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th sitting eating jelly on the nurse's knee and she was like I can't believe it. She was like literally, we'll put a tiny bit of the gas to just a chat. Did they even do the gas? I can't remember, but they didn't have to properly put him asleep.

They just did it and it was out and there's other kids screaming and he was just sitting there eating a little tub of the tube of their............ I, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, they. I. Did they. Did they. Did they. Did they. Did they. Did they. Did they. Did they. Did they. Did they. Did they. Did they. Did they. Did they. Did, did, did, did, did We need to ask you Rosie about, because we asked Chris and he gave us his account of the day Robin lost his front tea. Yeah. Oh, Betty did. I bet he did give you his wrong account of the day that Robin lost his teeth. What did he say you really went to pieces and he was heroic. No, he did say you were heroic and he went to pieces but it was the discussion before the bike ride wasn't it I think Josh. He said that once the accident had happened you absolutely owned the situation and he was a mess but he said that it was

your decision for Robin to have one more go. Okay Okay, yeah we'd do that. I knew we'd do that. We, I can't, did he fully blare me? Yes. I think, yes. He said, he even warned you. He was going to take Robin on a bike down a slope and he went down a couple of times and he nearly fell off and then he said, let's that th, th, th, one last go and Chris said that he said no I don't think we should and you said do it and then that's when the tee fact happened is that not correct in

my defense it well it kind of is right because that did kind of happen but in my defense he was the one who was taking him down the hill I couldn't see because I was at the bottom probably probably on my phone th th. th. th. th. th. the th. the the the the he. he. the he. I he. I he. I he. I he. I was the he. I was he. I was he. I was he. I was he. I was he. I was he. I was the th. I was he. I was he. I was he. I was he. I was he. I was he. I was he. I was he. I was he. I was he. I was he. I was he. I was th. I was th. I was the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the he. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was t. I was t. t. t. took. took. took. took. took. to. took. to. to. to. took. to. he. I was. t. I was. I was. I him down the hill, I couldn't see because I was at the bottom, probably on my phone, not gonna lie. So, he was the one who was doing it and taking him down. So he knew how fast he was going, he could assess the danger of the situation more than I could. So, and I'm sorry, but how spineless have you got to be for me to just go, no, do it one more time? And him to go, all right, I do it. Even if you know it's dangerous that you're so scared to say no to you.

He acts like he's terrified of us. I swear to God. Like, if that's so, and you know what's annoyed me about that? I'm going to have to have a word with them because when we wrote the book that went in the book and we decided to take 50-50 responsibility for that incident. And I can't believe he's just chucked me under the bus like this on a podcast so well yeah we'll be having a word. Okay well that I thought that would be resolved but it sounds like it's just been opened up again. You've caused you've got a feature a feature in your podcast you you should do like a Prime Minister's questions where someone has to take the hot seat and just get counters, throwed at them with backup documents. I'm actually after a new feature, so that might work with the other. We might do something like that. Is Robin aware now, he's kind of four?

Do you think, is he aware that you're doing a podcast in which he gets talked about. Like does he understand stuff like the fact that you're on Instagram and stuff like that? Nah, he doesn't really know, although he started when I was doing an advert the other day and I had my camera out and he gets really excited, he's like, are you filming man? And I'm like, yeah, so he got the stuff out of the box and he was like, film this and I went, he was like, film this and I went, thi thi thi, and I thi, and I thi, and he thi, and he thi, and he thi, and he thi, and he thi, and he thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th th th th thi, he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he that, that, that, he that, he thi he thi, th He started doing like some, like a vlog and I was thinking, oh God he's been watching it too much. But, um, no we don't really, he knows that we do a podcast. Yeah. And he knows that daddy goes on stage and makes people laugh, but other than that, he's got no idea.

Like Chris was on the one show last week, like I said and we were watching it, and he just that he that he that he th just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just the their their their the one show last week like I said and we were watching it and he just not faced at all. Like he was just playing with his toys just like oh there's my dad on tell li like can you imagine being a kid and your dad was on tele like it would have blown our minds watching a period. I'd have been absolutely gutted. You're mortified enough but there's gonna come a point I suppose there because you're mortified about your parents when when a the their. their., what, about 10 or something like that, maybe a bit later. So he'll start by getting excited about the one show and then in 10 years it'll be like, oh no, my dad's on the one show. Yeah, not again. What is he going to say that, the one show? coming in don't pay that mom and sort of dictating the terms so you're like in place of a situation where you're trying to do a podcast and robbing a walk in and go you're not saying that. As the yeah from your wife Lindsay and then you're you're daughter Miner yeah and old's Miner now? Four.

Good age. Horrible in it. That's worse. Oh, mate, the worst. If there was a statue of Miner in the garden, I'd be tearing it down due to a fascist. But it's straight. You tell me stories about minnow. Like, she's, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, the, they. tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, their. tho, tho, th. th. tho, tho, tho, tho, their. tho, the, the, the worst. the worst. tho, th. th. th. the worst. tho, the worst. the worst. the, it. the thr. thr. thr. thr. throooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. th th th th th and stuff like that. And then you tell me stories about like on train, she'd just strip off naked and there's nothing you could do.

And so what kind of child is she? Like, how is it? I always say to people, even a serial killer is peaceful when they're asleep, right? You can walk into Ted Monday's bedroom at 3 a.m. and go, what's that love to hear about this. I've nailed sleep and I say I, even though Lindsay and I did it together, I was sort of the one that came up with the plan who said, what we're going to do, what we do to get our daughter to sleep through the night. So I will admit we've got sleep and I know a lot of people don't like to hear

that, but blokes do the the the the the the the their their their their their their their th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th like to hear that but blokes do they like to purve in on my full night sleep and hear how I did it. This is not normally going silent just tell me again Russ just tell me again about your own brother. What was it? Eight hours for three weeks straight? Stop it. So I'll tell you how I achieved that in a minute because men love to hear I did it using nerdy charts but it. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th is just just just just just just to just to just to just to just to just. to just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I. I th. th. I th. I th. I th. I'll. I'm te. I'll. I'll. I'll to me. I'll. I'll. I'll to to to me. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll just. I'll just., but it's when it's when the eyes flick open, that is when the hell begins. But that sort of also proves that that also proves that regardless of the temperament of your child, whether you've got one of the laid back ones dribbling on its bricks as it amuses itself, or whether you've got a holy water sizzling on the forehead bastard like I have. I do truly believe if you want to and there's no reason why you have

to do, there's no pressure to get your child through the night, but if it's something you both desperately want as a couple it can be achieved. What was your method, Russell? The benefit I've got is I'm the last one out of all my friends to have kids, right? So the downside is I'm going to be on a ventilator when she's on Sports Day..... the the the the the the the the th. th. the th. th. th. their th. th. I th. I th. I was a thirty. I was a to have to have a to have a to have a to have a to have a to have a to have a to have a to have a to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have a to have a to have a to have a to have a to have a to have a to have a to have a to have a to have a to have a to have a to have a to have a to have a thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. theate. theateate. theate. the. toeate. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe going to be on a ventilator when she's done Sports Day. The plus, 100 meters, got one, you can run it for daddy. Do you remember the war? No, but the plus side is, I was able to watch all my groups of friends, and what went wrong most often, apart from all the usual childhood illnesses, was arguments about sleep, kids in the bed, sex life going down the drain, relationship going down the drain,

where the child's on the throne, ruling the house as soon as it was born. So I was thinking to myself, do you know what? I don't want that to happen to me. Plus my mom was a child mind and a nanny, so she's a bit like badass, thahahahahahahahahahahahahahah bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad, with with with with bad, with bad, with bad, with bad, with bad, with bad, with bad bad, with bad their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their, their their, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. thr-a, throwne. throwne, throwne, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, bobbing around in the pool on one of those all-inclusive holidays and we're like, should we, should we, we start training for a baby? And I was like, before we do, before that, before that's, before the tell packet, it goes in the bin, we are gonna be in agreement on sleep.

And that's the mistake most the mistake of the satanic object in front of them, that's when, should we have the chat now? The time to have the chat is before fertilization. You need to agree about sleep in advance. It's really, really important. It doesn't matter if you both want to be bed-sharing, hippies, baby-boom and all that, you're both in the bed, and you're both in the bed, and you're both, to be both, to be both, and you're both, and you're both, to be both, to be both, and to be both, and to be both, took, to be both, and took, to be took, to be took, to be tooke, tooomky, to be both, to be able, tooom, and to be, and to be, and to, and to, and to, and to, and to, and to agree, and to agree, and to agree, and to agree, and to, and to, and tooombue, and tooombue, and tooom............. And, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, toe, toe, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, and, too going to do attachment and go be up all night and be baby-led, that's fine. No judgment from me and you shouldn't be judged by anyone. The problem is when you've got one person on one method and one on the other. If you've got a mom saying, I do want the baby hanging off my boo-by-by-o'-marriage

days and you wonk in the spare room. That's an issue. You've been listening. You've listening listening listening listening listening listening listening listening listening listening listening listening listening listening listening listening listening listening listening listening listening listening listening listening listening listening. You've to listen listen listen. You've to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be their the to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the to be their their to be to be to be to be to be to be their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to bea. You shouldn't be. You shouldn't be. You shouldn't be. You shouldn't be. You shouldn't be. You shouldn't be. You shouldn't be. You shouldn't be. You shouldn't be their their the No, but it, like, because I always think everyone's like putting pressure on women, her breast is best, you need to do attachment. Now what's best is a really buzzingly happy, mentally stable household where the children are being raised in a positive environment. If that means slamming formula into its mouth on day one, so be it. Yeah. Do you, I mean, obviously the, you need to decide this before you get pregnant is of used to about 2% of our listeners. Yeah, it should be a filter on Tinder. Actually, early doors, isn't it? But to be fair, for the people who see, what age was, I mean, sleeping through the

night? So we did eight hours by eight weeks and 12 hours at 12 weeks. They're my targets. They're targets. Oh, God, it's like the wolf of Wall Street. I love it. Eight hours at eight weeks and 12 hours at 12 weeks. Tell us how. A little bit of baby trivia, which anyone now who's had a kid will know, but maybe never realized it before. Most babies are born, chronologically speaking, like daytime, nighttime speaking,

back to front. So anyone who's been lived with a pregnant woman will know, baby doesn't do much all day, sit down 8 p.m., watch a bit of Britain's got talent or whatever, baby starts kicking, yeah? Every time. And then kicks are all through the night, I've had a rubbish night and then it sleeps all day. The reason for this is as far as the stuff I've read, is of course when you're walking round all day, if a woman's pregnant, she's rocking the baby effectively and when she's laying down, the baby's not being rocks and babies fall asleep and they're rocked, right? So they think that's why so many babies are born awake at night, asleep during that, and where you're so knackered, you just follow that pattern and you end up two, three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three to three to to thiiii-up, thi-up, their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. And, th. And, th. the. thea. thea. thea. thea. thean, their, their, their, their, their, pattern and you end up two, three, four, five years of screaming baby all night, a sleep all day.

So contrary to what some people think about being some sort of sleep fascist and forcing a baby to sleep through the night, it's quite the opposite. You know, my daughter was never allowed to cry or self-sue for any of that nonsense people here. We just worked initially when she was tight, once she'd regededededededededededededed, toed, toed, toed, toed, toed, told, told, told, told, told, their, their, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, too, their, thi, thi, thi, their, their, their, th. And, th. And, too, too, too, told. And, told. And, told, told, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they. And, they. And, they. And, they. And, they. And, toe, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, tooomorrow, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, tight once she'd regained her birth weight towards keeping her awake during the day which is much much much easier. So you're just stretching. We're talking about when they're really tiny just like a game on the kick mat, a mobile and inviting the nanners over when they're due for their scheduled nap so babies need 16 hours of sleep so why wouldn't you squeeze 10 12 hours of that sleep into a nighttime and had the four hours naps throughout

the day. So whenever she was due for a nap that's when I'd let my mom in to start rocking her so she falls asleep. so if she falls asleep, sofews the schedule head going in. So it's not about getting them to sleep it's it's about keeping them up. Indeed. And then the the the the, and then, and then, and th, and th, and th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the the thi, the the the thi, their, thi, thi, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thrown, thrown, thi's theeea, thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooothem to sleep, it's about keeping them up. Indeed, initially. And then what you'll see is you can gradually stretch the periods at night and people like you should never wake a sleeping baby. You should never fuck off out my house. What I would do is if Minna was due for, I don't remember what the timings are now because it seems like a lifetime ago. So she's supposed to have 90 minutes morning nap from 10 to 1130.11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. 11. I I I I. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the. the the the the the the the the the the the the. the the. the. to. I. to. I. I. to. I. to. to 90 minutes morning nap from 10 to 1130. 1131 I'm unswaddling that child. Getting her ready, fed on time, awake on the kick mat. We were using like a cold flannel on her feet, anything to keep her stimulated in a way. Now friends are like that never work you. Like Japanese prisoner of Ward Torture. Have you thought about working

in Guantanamo Bay, Russell? Sometimes I just scream in a face. Just play loud heavy metal for six hours. It was all done with like games. I'm not invested. But it was our friends, every single one across their world. They're supposed to get out before. You should be on pool nub at 4 a.m. play the game. And that's the other bollix that winds me up is that babies wake at 4 8 at 5 a.m. is nothing you can do. It's absolute dog shit. If you get on

a plane to Australia, your baby doesn't magically know that sunrise has changed. It's because people's definition of what they call a blackout curtain is pathetic. It winds me up. It winds me up. People like I've got the black out. the black out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out. the black out. the black out. the black out. the black out out out out out. the the black out. the their their. I their. I their their their their their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've to. I've to to to to to to to to to to to to tap. I've tap. I've ta. I've ta. I've today. I've to. I've to to to their. I'm their. I've their. I've got the blackout just like it said and you go in and you could kill a vampire within seconds in that room at 6 p.m. You shouldn't be able to walk across a blacked out room at midday. It should look like in Spanish and Italian people do proper blackout shutters and stuff. So we did. So instead of doing a 7 a.m. to 7 p. do nine till nine till she goes to school and we get a bit of an evening and we did and we did get a lane as well so that's what my daughter sleeps from nine p.m. to nine a. Blame it. Jen can you explain to us and this is your set up at home with your kids and stuff. Yes I can I am sharing my home with my ever-patient girlfriend and our two five-year-old twin boys and it's fun time.

Oh, five-year-old two-year-old. Sorry, because it's actually your life, but I shuddered. I'm sorry. I feel like I did a line version, you know when you read an interview so I go, no fucking hell, five five year old, five year old, five year old, three dishes having a shocker that that but sorry for saying they out loud. No, it's all right, I'm living it. I know it, I feel it. And how has it been then? So have you been in homeschooled with five year olds? Oh God, yeah, oh my god, yeah, I have and I th. And I that, that, th. that, that, that, that, that, th. th. that, that, that, th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. th. th. that, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, that, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, that, that, that, that, that, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. that, the. th shit at it. I am so shit at it. It's just that they don't respect you, your kids. I mean, not your kids, my kids.

They don't seem to respect parents when they're home school. I speak them to a few parents and they're like, oh fuck it, I gave up after two days. Just try and to teach them things like phonic, jolny, well I mean the jolly bit fucked off a wild day I'll tell you it's just a horror show and they don't like, honestly if I'm trying to tell them to do anything, like I.... I, I thin thin that I I I I thin thin thin thin that I I I I thin thin thin thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' tho' tho' they's like they's like they're to to to tho'n't to tho tho tho tho tho tho' tho- tho- tho-I'm tho-fony tho-fony tho'n' to tho' to to to to to tho' tho' to to tho' tho' tho'n't tho'n't thin'n't thin'n't thin'n't thin'n't thin, thin, so so so so funny. So, so funny. So, so funny. So, so they's to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to Do you think the fact you smell of poo is a problem though, Jen? Maybe that's why you're struggling to home school if you didn't smell the true. To be fair, I've seen your stand-up, Jen and there is a routine about you actually smelling of poo their poo. So I think they may be accurate in that. Well, and whose whose whose whose whose whose whose whose whose whose whose who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's poo's poo's poo's poo's poo's poo's poo, who's poo's poo's poo's poo, their their their their their that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's why that's why that's why their their their their their their their their their their their who who's why their thoo thoooo. that obsessed with their bumholes at the moment. I made the mistake of saying bumhole to them and close up. We don't say bumhole, we just say bottom and I went, it was too late, so bum holes out. And that's it. the great word though, isn't it? You forget how funny you'd be a great chance to teach them about the letter O, wouldn't it?

You go... Oh yeah, because my daughter started to rule in September and I'm already, I don't understand this phonics thing where you learn the alphabet, like ABC, but you, for anyone it didn't know what it was, that's the English one. I'm working on the Greek. But, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, uh, uh, th, th, th, th, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, their, th-a, their, th-a, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, I'm working on the Greek. But you learn all those sounds for A, B, C, but it's actually Abacur. Is that right? Well, yeah, but it's also more complicated than that. So you're learning sounds when you, like, say you've got to learn it together, then they have to learn that the sound together that that can be Ow. Or, you know, they've got to learn it like that. Or if you, if there's an E at the end,

like, like actually bumhole is a very good example. Now, we've got, let's explore the bumhole. Let's explore bumhole. Because there's a magic E at the end of hole, so the oh, so the o, oh, oh, oh, the the the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, there's, there's, there's, the, the, there's, kids? Hull! That's right, it's Bum Hull. So we're all learning something. We had Magic E when I was growing up, did you used to watch the Look and Read BBC TV shows at school? So it'd be like Badger Girl or Jordie Racer or something?

No, I'm like 10 years older thanock star. She just documents the badgers in her garden. It was not a euphemism. Well, I struggled in reading, spoiler alert, as a kid, and that's a go to learning Sir Paul. We used to read the Biff Chip and Kipper books. My kids are reading those. All I remember was they went, okay, you're going to go for private one-on-one readings, you know, I struck because I'm dyslexic, so I struggled with the reading. And the book was just bigger. It wasn't an easier book or special art and still was just the same book with one person just

pointed at the word. Big, that's an audition I needed. Obviously they're twins, Jan, are they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they their their the're twins, Jen, but are they, how different are there as people like in their reaction to it? Do you teach them together or are they kind of? They're completely different in every, they don't look at, because they're fraternal twins because it was IVF, so well obviously it wasn't a natural conception. And if it was from a same-sex couple, Jen, that would be the first question I'd asked to be honest when it did happen. Just a lot of friction Rob just a lot of friction. Last things first how does that happen? Let's keep rubbing till we start far. No. So what's the difference? I'm not I'm a bit of ignorant to this so what's the difference from an IVF twins as as opposed to sort of natural twins as it were sorry if that's the wrong terminologyol.......... the the wrong. So the wrong. So the wrong. So, the the the the the to the the to the to to the the to to the the to to to to to to to be. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, I's, I's, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, just to be to be to be. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I to. I to. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I's, I's, I. I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, to. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the. the. to. to. to. to. the. to. to. to. to. the. to. the. the. theins as it were. Sorry if that's the wrong terminology.

Well, no, it's completely, it's completely the right terminology. If you're having a sort of natural conception and you're having sex and you, that's how you can see if, if you're doing it with IVF, what you do is you have, you spend thousands and thousands and thousands of pounds and cross your fingers that something fucking happens. But it's, you go, it's a clinic and then you're, we, we bought sperm from the internet. But you don't actually, you don't physically do that, right? You don't, it doesn't arrive. You must have to get Amazon Prime. You know, you've got to keep it free.

Do you know what? to No, no, I know you're going, I'll come in, what do you do? What, log on and then just buy some sperm? Yeah, you do. Really? Really? How much? How much is it? Oh, liters of it?

No, it's a liters. It's been a long lockdown. We needed as much as we could get. and it depends on which sperm bank you go to, but basically they have an online, I suppose, I want to say magazine, that's not brochure, something, and you can pick. Do they have like star ratings? Trust Pilot. They kind of do, I mean, in as much as you can see

how popular that sperm is. I mean, I'd get one of checker tradeade so I've got somebody's Andy in the out. Perhaps I've got enough sort of gobbie talking people in our family. We need some of this. Yeah but you'd get mixed messages really. I've got I got three off this donor. The first one was an absolute dream but the last year I'm honest with a pair of quick. So what you will't get, you have no idea what your donor looks like. So what you will get is information, and again, this really depends on the sperm bank,

how much the information they get, they give you, so we went to the European sperm bank specifically because you get the most information about the donor. So, yeah. And you get sort of information about their parents, sort of health, you know, if there's any, I don't know, like dementia or cancer or anything like that in the family. So I think you go back like the parents and then the grandparents and then you can, what they look like, what they do for a living,

interests, all that sort of stuff, and then you'd get a photograph of them as a baby so you can kin kind of get an idea. So, I mean, I I I I I I I a couple of babies that were completely boss-eyed and we were like, oh. Oh, yeah, come on. I swear to that. If you're paying for it, you're allowed to choose as far as I'm concerned. Do you know what I mean? The irony is, one of ours is boss-eyed now so that was right.the end it's kind of I don't know if other people agree with me but it's kind of moot really because what you want is a baby whatever you end up with you're not going to be like oh I wish we'd gone for you know Jeff he was love you know I think it was like that you're gonna be like oh this is my baby so um yeah I can't even tell you how to the tell you know I'm to to to to to to th. th th th th th th th th th the th th th the th th th th the th th the the th th th the the the th the the the the the th th th th th th th. the. I th. th th th th th th. I th. I can't th. I can't th. I can't th. I can't th. I can't th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the th th th the th th th th th th. th. the the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the chose our sperm donor. I think we just went, oh fuck it in. You know, I think it was like that. And is it sort of with, is it just some, call with IVF you sometimes is more chance of twins?

It's not like an option you pick, like twins are in the family. Again, it is an option we picked because you can choose. I don't know if you can still. to... High level, buy one, get one free, eat out to help out. Well done, Jen. So that's an opportunity, is it? Yeah. Well, it depends how many you get, right?

You get, you get to, depends how many embryos you get. So you, once you go through the process of IVF, right, and then you end up with however many embryos you do, and then we went through one round of IVF and it was unsuccessful, no, we'd been through two rounds of IVF and it had been unsuccessful, and we were like, oh, fuck this, it's costing a fortune. So the third round, I was I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I's I's I's I's I's I's I's like I's like I's like I's like I's like I's like I's like I's like I's like I's like I's like I's like I'm to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to to to to to to to to to to the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the.ea.e. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. the festival. I'm not feeling it. Come on, I'm going to be in a minute, I'm going too. And if you, and if you just waited an hour,

that one would have been fine. We've got two now. And I don't like, gurning your tits. Oh, I wish I'd just stuck to one. So yeah, that's basically what happened. Are you a good cop or a bad cop as a dad, Dora? What's your kind of role? Shouting? Can I hang out shouting?

Is that one of the things there? Turns out much more of a shouder than I thought I'd be? Much more. Yeah, much more of a blindly furious person than I'd be. Yeah. No, no, no, it's a surprise to me as well, and to them a lot of the time, just how, what I, oh, I have told you to hold the fuck correctly. The kind of, you know, just, yeah, not great.

Have you had a moment in particular, Darrell? No, no, no, just, you know, they just don't, you know, they don't listen. It turns out, no, I'm very impatient about things not being done the way they should be done. No, it's awful. Honestly, it's a thing that I should probably have a talk about because it's like, oh, for God, take! But they will, I've all felt so kids, who might utterly adore and the most wonderful creatures, but it is like it's a type of love you have for your kids is the love, both the love at the start of the relationship of a you know romantic relationship, in other words I cannot wait to see you, everything about you is beautiful, you light up my life, you're amazing, you're fabulous, and the end of a relationship, you know exactly the

stuff that makes me more angry than any of the human being. And it's two of those together. Oh, that's a perfect description. Dara, have you had a moment in particular where you sort of lost it with the kids? It was Shappy Corsandy had a moment where she flipped out, where she flipped out, where she flipped out, their moment, theyre, tray moment, they, th......... And, too, too, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, is, they, is, is, thoomorrow, is, is, they. Oh, thoomorrow, thoomorrow, thoomorrow, th. Oh, th. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, is, is.. Oh, is. Oh, is.. Oh, is.. Oh, is.. Oh, is. Oh, is. Oh, is.. Oh, is. Oh, is. Oh, is. Oh, is. Oh, is. Oh, is. Oh, is. Oh, is. Oh, is. Oh, is. Oh, is. Oh, is. Oh, is. Oh, is. Oh, is. Oh, is. Oh, is. Oh, is. Oh, t. Oh, today. Oh, t. Oh, t. Oh, today. Oh, t. Oh, t. Oh, today. Oh, t.the milk tray moment within the family. Have you ever had a moment where you flipped out and it's been reminded to you by the kids? They're not being brought back because I'm a mortifar when they bring the back up and I get angry again.

No, I told the, yeah. Just the stubbornness of it, the cheer, there has been, yeah. There has been certain topics on which I get their the thethat I've said this to a million times could you not do that this way you know it's been like you know get your feet off the table we are eating or you know that kind of stuff like how often do we have to say that to you that was the thing when I was a kid it was like elbows off the table was the thing and now I'm enforcing feet of the ta th you you, how much of standards dropped in the 20 years since I was a kid? This was elbow, it's a no feet. I had a conversation at tea time to do, my daughter's arm, whose arm was just draped into the middle of the table.

They, and I would take your arm off the table. She said, why? their arm was trying to give to to to to to to to to to to to her to to to her in and you. Why? She said, there is. As I'm trying to give out to her, I have a routine about how stupid the whole elbows on the table was. Why was that a thing? And to be like whatever the year. And I had a whole routine dissing the elbows on the table thing and here I am gone total. to go on to go on to go on the the the the the the th. the th. th. th. th. thinininininin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin'-I've thin'er-I've th th th thin'er-I'er-I'er. I'm th th th thin'er. I'er. I'er. I'm th thin. I thin. I th thin. I thin' thin' thin' thin' th. I'm thin'-I. I'm thin'-I. I'm thin'-I's thin'-I's thin'-I's trying, I'm trying, I'm ttrying, I'm to trying, I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying to trying to give. I'm trying trying to trying to to to total full circle on this. So do you think you're like your parent, are you parenting in the way your parents parented? That's a sentence I could have said better sure. Yeah, I mean by all means that doesn't do it again if you want to say you should hear how your dad said that first time rather than

they're running for the family. Do I mean yes and no I mean they are the the model for certain things but the but but but but but but but I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th thi thi thi they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they are the model for certain things but the but I'm probably that irritating, why don't we think about this kind of thing? No just tell me the answer. In that I do. But I'm not sure actually because I don't think I've forgotten so much of my childhood. I had this. It was a lovely time but it wasn't a thing that I remember that I remember really vividly? Do people remember the one child is really vividly? Is that a thing? No, I remember like the TV and the computer games more than I remember the actual experience of being a child if that makes sense. It makes perfect.

I think there's a lot spoken with it. Whereas I remember everything from 16 on vividly because it was like at 16 I got to that was the containment of me. So no, I don't remember specifically how it was in that regard. I don't, I don't, my father was a trade union thing where he had a no raised voice thing, which I've completely ignored. The, which was the, he had a thing because my father was a trade union voice. And he said, the tha, he tha, he tha, he tha, he thia thia thia thia thia thi, he thi, he thi, he thi, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he had, he said, he said, he said, he said, he had, he thoomo, he thoomo, he tho, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he was, he, he thi, he was, he was, he thi, he thi, he thi, he was, he thi, he. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thin, he was, he was, he was, he was, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, don't make me use my trade union voice. Was the phrase that he said. Oh, trade union face or trade union voice, one of the two.

Either way, we never got to see this mythical trade union face that he had. This work face, a stern as possible face that he could have. The good thing about that face is it stops at quarter past five on a Friday. Yeah, knocked off to do anything. And so is everything else. When it stops, everything stops. That's the thing. That's how it worked. I asked him years later, he said, no, sure, there's no. There was no. There was no. There was no. There was. There was the throw. There was a whole way. There's a. There's a. my work face. their thing. That's. We the whole. the whole. the whole. th. th. things. things. things. things. things. things. things. things. things. things. things. the whole whole whole whole whole whole whole whole way. the whole. the whole. the whole. the whole. the whole way. things. the whole. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. There's. There's. There's. There's. There's. There's. There's. There's. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's a. It's. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. There's a. It's a. There's a. There's, don't make me use my work face, my serious face. Yeah. Don't make me use my jonglers Christmas week, boy. That's their endos in a free stag thews.

Listen to me raw. Look, you're seeing my stargazing face. You don't want to see my mock the reed face. If I... What's your setup, is he, is, is, is the the their, is their, is their, is their, is their, is thing, is thing, is thing, is he, is he, is he listeners? What's the setup at home? So the setup is we're in a flat level masonet. We were literally about to start looking for a house. So we don't have a garden. We had a bed delivered from IKEA at the day before lockdown started. Which is in the dining room room in about, I'd say, 12 different boxes. You can't even walk to the printer or open the window. Oh no.

You're there with Ellis, your partner, and your two children? What ages are your children? So they're five and 15 months. Oh that is that's tough. You know what right the five-year-old was always such a good sleeper and we were so kind of like we were like it's good we're so chilled. It's going to be such a bullshit like I'm not chilled anyway I really pretend that I am but inside I'm like oh my god it was that fish off and I've just cooked it. I'm gonna give everyone food poisoning, and everyone's gonna die. Like, that is my internal monologue quite a lot of time. Like, yeah, I'm so chilled.

I'm like, yeah, I'm so chilled. Like, it's just not true that anything that anything rubbed off on her.the idea that if he was a newborn and we were in lockdown, it would be worse. You know when you make yourself feel better by thinking, well at least it's not, like, he used to wake up every 45 minutes, every night and then wake up for the day at like four. So, so finally he started sleeping through the night,

probably only about two or three months before lockdown began, right? Yeah. So he sleeps through the night in inverted commas, then wakes up normally at 4.30 for the day. Oh, oh. And so what would you do with your time at that point? So the arrangement is, and this was never talked about. Ellis does every every th only only only only only only only only only only only only only to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th only only only to to th th th th thi thi thi thi thi and thi and thi and thi and thi, thi, thi th point? So the arrangement is, and this was never talked about, Ellis does every single morning and wakes me up at 8.30 a.m. And in return, I do all the cooking and cleaning and tidying.

That's an unspoken arrangement that is just... It just slowly came about. And he was like, do you know what, I may as well do the morning tomorrow because I'm already tired and by the way, that sea bass with ginger was really nice. And then slowly but surely, I became really anal about doing a weekly shop, which I've never done in my life, like my mom's always been saying to me, you should start, you should start doing a weekly shop and planning meals, darling. I've been like, no way, I'll just take life as it comes.

I might just think it was my takes. And now, because obviously, you know, no one wants to go in shops unless they have last week and then was like you can only eat a quarter tonight because he's got a last night three quarters in what the same night hunched over the kitchen sink. Basically so I'm in charge of like the running of the house in the way that women were I guess sort of like you know in maybe our grandparents' generation and obviously some women are in our generation, but certainly not really any women I know. So it's like, it's quite weird. I'm going to say it, I don't know where Rob is on this.

I would 100% take your side of the deal. What about you? Rob? Yeah, what do you think, Rob? And I'll also give you a few details about what my job entails. Yes, I just make sure. Well, I think I can see, I can see the logic, but it's such an early start for 30 a.m. If it was like they got up at 6ish or whatever and then they dealt with the kids every morning, but he's like getting up like he's doing a radio breakfast show.

It's so hard. It's so hurt. What time is he he going to bed then? In the olden days, Ellis used to be the one going to bed at two, even once we'd had kids. He's always a night out, L. Yeah, he really was, wasn't he? So he's totally changed. Like, he's in bed with a light out by half-ten. And he's responded really well to lock down as well. He doesn't care if he sees the kid. He's the the the he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he's he he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he he's he to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to he. He's always always always always always always always always the the the the the the the the the the the th. He's th the. He has the. He's always. He's always the. He's always the. He's always the. He's always the the. He doesn't care if he sees me or not. He cares if he sees the kids, but he wants to see me a little bit, you know, like maybe 20 minutes a day, but that's it. You're too busy cooking and cleaning. Well, exactly. I'm getting the chimney sweep out. What I what I discovered was I was actually once I was up I was once I had a cup of coffee I was all right and then I would have this dip at about 615. I mean pretty much to the second which used to which used to match their bath time. So baths should be fun but that was when I was at my most tired and what I found then was it was too late to have a tea or a coffee because that would keep me awake I the the the the the the the the the the the the the th right. th right. th right. I th right. I th right. I th right th right th. I th. I th. I was I was I was I was I was I was the the th. I was th. I was th. I was the th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was the the the th. I was all th. I was all th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I th. I I I I I th. I th. I was th. I was th. I was the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tou to. to to to. to to. to tou to. the the the the the at my most tired and what I found then was it was too late to have a tea or a coffee because that would keep me awake

so obviously I've got to go to bed so early so I would just they would just have a really grumpy bath every night. What time are you going to bed out? I would try and try and go to bed at around 10 as anyone who knows me you'll know this I'm I an extreme night owl and always had been, even when Betty was little, and stand-up used to keep me awake as well and even when I stopped doing as much stand-up I still had a stand-up's body clock but that has now finally been broken by lockdown. So I tried to go to bed at about 10, but we'd I'd have this dip at about 615 and it was too late to have a tear of coffee. So Betty'd splash me and instead of spatching her back I'd be like, you what mate? What's your problem?

What is your problem? So like Ground Dog Day, now I find this film incredibly poignant because every day was exactly the same. And how does it feel now? Well, they went back to the childmind of Betting went back to school. So during his nap, which was when I used to do all of my work, I could fit an enormous amount into that nap. Oh, you must have been so tired. Well, I mean, the really pathetic thing is that we were watching, thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every thi, every, every thi, every, every, every, every, every, every, every every every every every their, every every their, every every their, every every every every their, every every every their, every, every, every every, every every, every, every, every, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, every day. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. thi. thea. the. the. the. the. the. the. that nap. Oh, you must have been so tired. Well, I mean, the really pathetic thing is that we were watching,

so then we'd get them to bed at about 8 o'clock, and then we'd have eaten. And we were trying to watch normal people. The episodes are less than 30 minutes. We were doing 10 minutes a night with the caveat that I had to be in the mood. Ten minutes. So what were you doing with your two hours to yourself? I'd stare a lot. And reading with, I used to unwind better reading than watching tele for some reason. And also I didn't want to go on my phone really after about quarter nine because, because the screen used to keep me awake because being a nightdell what I

used to find is even when Betty was very tired, I mean even when Betty was waking up very early when she was little, I'd get this second wind in the evening no matter how tired I am. So I've really got to try and avoid that because if I had two hours sleep at night, th. th. th. th. the to th. I'm, you, you, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, to, to, to to to, to be, to be, to be, to be to be, to be, to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be, to be, I was to be, I was to be, I was, I was, I was, I was, to be, to be try, try, try, I was, try, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, try, try, try, try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and to to about eight o'clock I actually feel all right whereas I have felt sluggish all day so I'm really trying to avoid getting that second wind or I'll end up watching a film or something and go to bed too late. How was your first day of the child miner where you had the day to yourself? I felt like I'd won 50 million pounds. I just could not believe it. I just couldn't believe it. And I used to get, when I used to get a little moments to myself.

I used to think, right, what am I going to do then? Am I going to read a book or am I going to watch a film or am I going to text a friend? or am I going to phone a friend or am I going to watch telly or am I used to phone a friend or am I going to watch tell or am I going to read about tell? so I'll know what to watch. So when I have got time to watch tell I'll be watching the best tellies. What am I going to their tell-inne. What am going to do am going to do am going to do do do what to do??. And what am going. And it is going. And it is going. And it is going. And it is just. And it is just. And it is just. And it's their their their their. And it's going to their. And it just just just. And it's going to to their. And it's going to to to to to their. And I'm going their. And I'm going telle. And I'm going. And I'm going. And I'm going. And I'm going. And I'm going their. And I'm going their. And I'm going to read. And I'm going. And I'm going. And I'm going. And I'm going. And I'm going. And I'm going. And I'm going. And I'm going. And I'm going. And I'm going. And I'm going. And I'm going. And I'm just just just just just just, what to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their to their to their our age who don't have children, they're weekends, two holdies. I find it mad that people have their weekends. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The thought of like just sitting and like enjoy, I used to enjoy a hangover. Yes, yeah, that's a big thing. I used to kind of thrive on watching the football on a hangover and making waffles and beans for breakfast on a hango. Do you know what I mean? And now I'm like, great, I'm funny.

I'm funny. Yeah. If I was a bit useless because I was hungover. Whereas now I'm like, great, I'm ruining lives. I've ruined my life. And I had all lives. And I had four cans, and I'm crying, and I'm crying, great. Also, it's like, you're paranoid the whole time, like, well, I don't feel bad, but would I feel bad? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're completely psychological now.

Oh, you're one of those dads. Oh, you're a, you're a beer, you're a beer, you're a beer, you're a beer, you're a beer, the beer, the beer, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, that, that, that, that, that, that, when that's, bad, bad, that's, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, they're they're of those, you're one of those dads. Oh, you're a beer and Maretti dad, yeah, I... Kids are in bed, I can's by the side of the side of the side of the side. Do you think Izzy was worried about you coming on this podcast, Alice? No, I don't think so. I listen to it, and it's quite funny hearing her talk about me when I'm not in the the th... th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. You, thi. thi. You're thi. You're, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you, you. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. th. You, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th thi. thi. thi. thi. th I listened to it and it's quite funny hearing her talk about me when I'm not in the room. Because for a kickoff she does an absolutely terrible impression of a Welsh accent. And she was 10 years to practice it. The thing she mentioned, which I had forgotten about,

I listened to her one of these quite recently was I was initially shielding, right? So I wasn't allowed out the house at all. So I used to sit on the window on the windowsill to try and get like a vitamin D like a cat. And I used to think this was this was a good aspect of my personality but I have now reviewed this and I don't think that it is anymore. I would say I've got an almost superhuman ability to adopt my situation, in this case, complete lockdown because of coronavirus, and then find it completely impossible

to imagine an alternative. So I actually wasn't that unhappy. I was like, oh well, I'm unable to leave the house. That's my life now. And did you feel jealous of other people who weren't shielding and didn't have a child waking up at half for? If I had been a character in the TV show Lost I would be the blok who was quite happy to bed down for the night under the shattered wing of a stricken airplane.

Oh well. This is my life now. I live under a wing. I mean the problem with that aspect of my personality is that it means you you almost never try to better your set of circumstances. So I'm always like, oh well. So I wasn't particularly unhappy if I'm honest. Obviously I was worried for people who were, you know, vulnerable and that kind of stuff. And also we don't have a garden. So, I, but again, in that whole thing of feeling unable to imagine an alternative for the reaction, Izzy every day would go, God, I wish we had a garden.

I'd say, why are you complaining about it? It's like we can't do anything about it. It's like me complaining about my height. And she say, well, if we can, we could buy another house. I didn't start this conversation to look at solutions actually. I don't want to talk about solutions now, now actually. So that was, if we'd th. I, if we th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th that that that that that that that that that that that that that th th that to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to say, I'd to say, I'd to say, I'd to say, I'd to say, I'd to say, I'd to say, I'd to say, I'd to say, I'd to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the that, I'd tho. tho. tho. thooooooo. the thoooooooooomoome. the the thooooooomooome. to to to talk about solutions now now actually. So that was, if we'd had a garden, it would have been so much easier. How's, um, because you're obviously, I'm loath to describe you as a professional Welshman, but you're certainly getting that. Yeah, yeah. Well,

how does it feel bringing up your children in Southeast London? It's weird in the sense that I spoke Welsh at home. I didn't speak English to my parents. I can speak English, this isn't a struggle. But I went to a Welsh school and I spoke Welsh from my sisters and my mom and dad and my grandparents. So it is slightly weird. I do find it weird, like when I go into my daughter's primary school, all the stuff on the walls about leaves and frost, it always causes me to do a double take. Doesn't have enough hales in it. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their, their, their, their, their, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, th. But, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. But, I. But, I. But, I. But, I. But, I. But, I. But, I. But, I. But, I. But, I. But, I. But, I. But, I. But, I. But, I. I. I. I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm th. th. th. th. th. We. We's. We've. We've th. We've th. We've th. We've th. We've. We've. to. th. to. th. to. th. th. I'm frost. It always causes me to do a double tick. Doesn't have enough hales in it.

I'm not. Yeah. That would look like I could read it. Hang on. Too easy, way too easy. It's way too easy. The fact that it's not in Welsh always causes me to go, oh. And that is that is a thing I found weirdest I think. What about their accents? Well I mean I don't know if

Fizzy I can't remember if he mentioned this but my our childminder is from Pecker and is in is in her 50s right so she sounds like Rob which means my daughter sounds like Rob. And that is that is endlessly entertaining to me. Is there a certain phrase or word that just gets you every time? What her child-minder does is her childminder doesn't talk down to them, so it just talks to the children like she would to an adult. But it meant that because Betty started speaking very early on, so she was quite slow at walking, she was very, very verbal. So she would speak like a little adult, like a little, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, thi, she, she, she, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, their, their, the child, the child, the child, the child, the child, the child, the child, the child, th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. their, she's, she's the adult and she's she said come pick her up And she she'd drop her pens or something or pencils

She's like oh, that a right nightmare I remember looking at the snow and going that is magical look at She's a bit older now. She'll say things like, Speaking of which... Each hand round to me and say... Yeah, yeah. That's it for this special Best Of episode. We'll be back next week.