Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - Now That's What I Call Parenting Hell - Volume 4

Episode Date: July 12, 2022

'Now That's What I Call Parenting Hell - Volume 4'While we're on a very short record break so here's a hand crafted selection of the finest tales and advice from the Parenting Hell podcast archives. Each one a guaranteed banger... TRACK LISTING:1. Sindhu Vee (Series 1 Episode 64)2. David Baddiel (Series 1 Episode 62)3. Mark Watson (Series 1 Episode 53)4. Carl Donnelly (Series 1 Episode 55)5. Doc Brown (Series 1 Episode 47)If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghellA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicum. Welcome to Parent in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully, how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips, advice and of course, tales of Parenting Woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello you're listening to Now That's What I Call Parenting Hell, Volume 4.

So then you started stand-up when your daughters, when your children, the older ones were teenagers, is that right? Uh, yeah, two were in double figures and one was very young. And how did the kids react to that? Well, Josh, for the longest time, I was doing open mic in, you know, but-fuck. They didn't know what I was, the kids, the kids, the kids, the kids, the kids, the kids, their their their, their, their, their, their, their, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, their, their, their, thi. the, thin, their, the, too, their, their, their, their, their, too, too, too, too, too, too, to, to, to, know, butt fuck. They didn't know what I was doing. They were like, you're not really, well anyway, I never read good night stories and all that because they don't be in India. And I thought it was always so tedious. So that's not like they missed that. But what about bath time? No, no, bath time. They have a bath. No, no, they have a bath. they have a bath. they. they. they. they. they. they. they were. they were. they were. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they they they they they they they they they they they were they were th. th. They were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. the the thro the I didn't want them to drown, but as soon as they could have a bath, I was like, go have a shower, what are you doing? So what age would you let them shower alone?

You know, when they were like a reasonable age, whatever, like, I don't know, six, seven? One of my kids had a habit of going into the shower and coming back and coming out and with a totally dry face. And then, the they they they they they they they they they they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, wo, wo they were like, wo they were like, wo they were like, wo they were like, wa they were like, wa they were like, w, w, w. they were like, w, w, w. they were like, w, w. they were like, w. they were like, w. they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, they were like, how is this, how is this possible? We said, no, mommy, I did. I said, you did not, you did, come on, dude, come on. And then by the time it was like, really the only time your kids know is when they're friends or you're on YouTube or TV. I mean, otherwise, how do they know? They don't. And I think for me that was probably, I think it was maybe when I did, have I got news for you, which I did very early, maybe, I don't know, very early and it just happened.

And I think my son was a, he said, he asked me where you want to have I got news for you. And I said, yes, he said his science teacher had asked him. And he said, I said no to him. And I said why, and he's like, why would you be on TV, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. th. th. thi. th. th. thi. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. I'll go to the open. That is a real confidence booster. Yeah, but I think the other thing is I didn't, like, I didn't use to talk about it at home really because I just, it's just something I did that was not, you know, like for the kids, I was still always a full-on mom, I was still taking them to school, packing their lunch, who has the time in between telling them to stop beating each other up and get their shit together and get in the car to be like, oh by the way I'm

doing stand-up, like who, who, nobody? You know, and I'm very, I've always been quite demanding academically of the children. So by and large they don't like to talk to me. Are you quite stern mother, like quite strict? I mean, I'm told I'm strict. Who by? Everybody in the house. What about other kids of friends and family? If there have been things you don't like going on in your house and you've had to impose your stricter rules on other kids? I wouldn't do that to other people's kids in our home.

If they come, they behave badly. You will see my kids looking looking to to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be their to be their their to be to be thkiki. thki. thik. thiolk. thoe. thoomk. thoomk. toeatolk. thiolomea. toeathea. toe. toe. I. I. I. to be. to be. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. thoe. I. I. I. I. thoe. thoe. I. I. th. the. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. tho. tho. toe. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toe. to come, they behave badly, they're my guests, they can. You will see my kids looking at me in utter panic. Like, oh my God. And they look at me in like, they're like terrorized because they know what it means to me, but they've also understood. We have a phrase in Sanskrit, which is, Atithi Deva Bha, which is the guest comes as God. So you do never criticize your guests, you know what I mean, no matter what.

But when they leave, I look at the kids and they're like, we know, we got it. But I think there's a very strong code with the children, you know, about what's done and what's not done. So when you say, because you obviously, you didn't do the bad, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you don't, you, you, you don't, you, you don't, you, you, you don't, you, you don't, the bad, the bad, you, the bad, the bad, the bad, the bad, the bad, the bad, the the to criticize, to criticize, their their, to criticize, to criticize, to criticize, to criticize, to criticize, to criticize, to criticize, to criticize, to criticize, to criticize, to criticize, to criticize, to criticize, to criticize, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, to criticize, their, to criticize, to criticize, to criticize, to criticize, to criticize, to criticize, to criticize, to criticize, to, to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to criticize, to criticize, to criticize, because you obviously, you didn't do the bed, you don't do the bedtime stories, what are the other British, not parenting traditions, but kind of parenting norms that you find kind of baffling like that or just like... I mean baffling, you know, I do know, I can see why you guys tell stories and it's nice. I just, I'm like, I'm just, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm like, I'm not, I'm not, I just am like I'm not fucking doing it. I just it's not even like that baffling. I'm really afraid of the question what other things are you not fucking doing? I don't what else do I not do? I don't really play with them like I play they're around me playing?

Yeah. Now I play with them because I've taught all of them how to play rummy and three card poker. That's that's. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th I's th I's th I's th I's th I's th I's th I's th I's th I's th I's th I don't th th th th thin I don't tho thoes tho thin' thin' tho's tho's tho's though though though though I don't though I don't though though though though though though though tho. I don't tho. I don't tho. I don't tho. I don't tho. I don't th. I th. I th. I th. I th's th. I th's th's th's th's th's th's th's th's thin thin thin that that that that to toe toe that that toe that that that that that that that that that that that that Like now I play with them because I've taught all of them how to play rummy and three-card poker. That's fine. But I won't play like fucking, you know, Legos, man, no, no, no, no, no. I've been a kid, I did all this. But don't you find that nostalgia going back to those games and doing something together? don't you like get a bus from thoom b b b b b b b b b b b ba thogea tho. I do other kid things with them. Like for example, you know, I've always had, I've always been a little, I've always been a little bit cavalier with this bedtime business, you know.

Oh yeah. Yeah, it's when they were very little, then you have to because you need a routine, but like say when they're four, five, six, seven, like when they've started school, I mean, before they they they they go they go, I they go, I go, I go, I go, I they're, I they're, I they're, I they're, I they're, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th....... th. th. th. tha, tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha, tha, tha, I've, I've, tha, I don't care when you sleep. When you fall asleep, I'll pick you up where you are and then that's it enough, thank you. But if we're going out and you're going to be sleepy and then, you know, misbehave, then we have like, don't do that either. So my husband is like you have no rules, these kids just have to watch and it's like past our bedtime I'm like screw the bedtime let's watch or like you know if there's a movie that we really want to watch and somehow we can't watch on the

weekend I'm like just watch it now the one thing that I and I don't have many rules around like dessert and ice cream and whatever like this fine it's in the fridge or we have this eat it you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you the the the th you th you th you th you th you th you th th th th th th th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is the the the the the the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. I'm th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I I I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the So would you say you let the small things go but big things you come down on them quite hard? I think so. I mean, I, you see kids, the things that kids do which are interesting to both kids and me, I'm there. I'm there. Like I took my children alone when they were four and two to Disneyland by myself. Oh my God. Oh the way the way the way the way th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. Oh my God. All the way to Los Angeles. From London? Well I went from London to Atlanta to attend my cousin's wedding, which was a great wedding by the way. And then from there I was like, well I'm not going back to London, we're already here. So let's go to LA and my husband was like, I can't do it. I'm like, that's fine. So there's those kinds of things which I think, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thinks, I thinks, I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the. I the. I the. I the. the the. the the the. the the. the. the. to told. to had a great time. The other thing I used to do, which the kids later told me

they had never heard of anyone doing, was I really like Pixar. Okay, like really. So when the first few Pixar movies came out, they used to be one every 18 months, like when these, when my teens were young. I used to not th like like like th like the th like their like their like their like their like their like their their their their their their their their their their their, their, their, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm, th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I thi. I th. I the weekend because everyone brought their kids and kids would talk And it would be like a kiddie movie event And I'm like I don't have fucking time for this so I used to go on the first day that the movie came out Which is usually a Thursday or Friday and I would go to the school I did this with both of them? Go to the school tell the school there was a dental appointment or something, get the kid out of class and the middle of the day we would go to the movies.

Oh, I bet your kids loved it. Oh my God, well, it's they, and I didn't tell them because you see kids will tell their friends. And so I would just do it and I had to, because both my kids have my husband's gene of being very honest, they would look at me with their eyes, their............. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I'd their, I'd their their their their their kids, I'd their kids, I'd their their their their their their their their their kids, I'll their, I'll their, I'll their, I'll their, I'll their, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll their, I's, I's, I's, I's their, I's their, I's their, I's their their their their their their kids. I'll their kids. I'll their kids. I'll their kids. I'll their kids, I'll thea. I'll theateateatease. I'll their their their their kids, I'll their their their their eyes like saucepan. I'm like, remember the dentist and we would leave and I'm like, dude, we're going to movies and their heads would explode and I'd be like, well, here's the thing. If you go and tell your friend tomorrow, I'm going to go to jail. So they never told. They were like, oh shit.

And now they they tell me that was, that, that, that, that, that, them academically. Does that not go against that? One day of missing school, you're going to not get a, you're not going to get 10 on 10. What's the matter with you? One day? He loves being negative. And that's what happens to teenage boys. They just want to shit on your dreams. Take of it, right? So for example, his school, about a year and a half ago, had a trip to Auschwitz. They had a trip to Auschwitz. The whole year were going to go,

and I thought, obviously, with our heritage, it would be good thing for him to do, and, you know, bleak and awful, but also very important or whatever. So I say to him one breakfast, you know, Ezra, I think you should go on this trip, that'd be good, and he's like, nah, I'm like, no, really, look at me, take it seriously.

I really think a lot of our relatives died, there might be a good thing for you to do. And he goes, none of my friends are thian. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I th. I th. I thin. I thin. I thin. I thin. I thin. I thin. I thin. I thi. I thin. I thin. I thin. I thi. I thi. No. No, I thi. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. th. th. I really, I can't be bothered. And I found myself saying the actual word, Ezra, I don't have to force you to go to Auschwitz. But you know, he lives for memes, like to irony, incredibly high level of irony, being like scornful about me, and that video games and FIFA and stuff like that. Does he respect your career? No, I mean secretly but I think no. I certainly he loves saying today I know a lot of people are working from home but if you've got a family it's often a good idea thinking like oh I'm going to go and write somewhere else. So I'm thinking about doing that. So I went and saw a flat today. And I'm afraid to have to tell you, my friends,

that I'm, I mean, I had a mask on, but nonetheless, I'm there with the very young estate agent. And he says, oh, so you're going told this to Ezra and he just said yeah what you wanted was a 50 year old bloke who likes football and I thought right yeah yeah the guy is that I know you could have said that's his fault that for being ignorant or whatever not yeah young people don't know who you are that but but young people do know who you are because yes you've sold 1.5 million children's books yeah is one actually not we're not on the tell-tel-you the the the the the the the the the the the toyn. toyn't toyn't the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y thi thi thi th. th. Yeah th. Yeah th. Yeah th. Yeah th. Yeah th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah's books. Yeah, he is one. Oh, actually, we're not on the tele, on the internet, but I'm not a little.

So do you new children's book, Future Friend? Yes. So how many, how many of you written? Is that five? He's written 1.5 million. Yeah. It's sold one each. It's a good way to get into the million books sold. I've written seven children's books. I've written seven children's books and one actually one and a novella so seven and a half children's books. And why did you go, was it partly too impressed your children or entertain your children or... When it came from Ezra, the idea for the first one.

I mean actually I was having a row, not a row, but a thing today, I thinthe Guardian are about to do a... You talk about Ezra, like Tyler Durden in fight, in fight, fight, in fight, like it's constant row on Twitter and sometimes elsewhere. I think the guy did doing a piece about how comedians and celebrities should not write children's books, right, because it causes, it means that, you know, it's probably true at some level, not that they shouldn't, but that it does create problems for those who be want to write children's books who haven't got like a pre-established name or brand, whatever. Anyway my point being that I didn't particularly think, oh, I want a bit of that David Williams action. My son gave me an idea is what happened. When he was eight, he said to me, dad, why doesn't the Harry Potter run away from the Dursley's, obviously the horrible Muggle family that he has to live with

when he's not at Hogwarts, why doesn't he th and he th and he th and he th and he th and he th and obviously the horrible muggle family that he has to live with when he's not at Hogwarts. Why doesn't he run away from them and try and find some better parents? And I could have said to him the literary answer to that, which is, well I think it's because J.K. Rowley wants to suggest that Hogwarts is very magical and so he creates a very negative humdrum life for him when he's not at Hogwarts but I didn't say that. I said, because too long, I said that's giving me an idea. And the idea was a world in which children can choose their own parents. And that led to my first children's book, which is called the parent agency. A bad kid called Barry, who is annoyed with his parents all the time, wishes for better parents, goes through his bedroom wall into a world run by kids in which parents basically have to audition to get children. That's a great idea.

And he tries out, tries out five different types of parents. And yeah, so I wrote that and what you just said, Josh about it being a good idea, the reason I said that was not just being self-aggrandizing, the reason that I wrote it, is that when I had that idea because because because because because because because because because because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, I, I, I, I the idea, I the idea, I thi, I that, I thi, I that, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm that, I'm, I'm that, that's that's that's that's, throwne. that's that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the the thri, thrown.. thri, thri, thrii. thri. I've tried, tried, tries, tries, tries, tries, tries, tries, tries, tries, tries, tries, thri. thri. the idea because of what Ezra said, I thought, that sounds like a really good idea for a children's book. So much so, I thought someone else must have done it, but they haven't. And you know when you have a good idea, that's often how it feels. Like it feels so classic, someone else must have done it.

And it did do really well, and at that point, I'm not going back to University to be your friend. I'm going so I can get Uber one for students. It saves you on Uber and Uber eats. I'm there for zero dollar delivery fee on cheeseburgers, up to 5% off smoothies and 5% Uber cash back on rides. Just to be clear, I'm there for savings, not whatever you think University is for. Get Uber one for students, a membership to save on, I'm there for savings, not whatever you think university is for. Get Uber won for students,

a membership to save on Uber and Uber eats. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary, eligibility and member terms apply. I remember when they were small and that bit where they possibly nap in the afternoon. And then if that doesn't happen that that that that doesn't happen that doesn't happen that doesn't happen that doesn't happen that doesn't happen that doesn't that doesn't happen that doesn't happen that doesn't happen that doesn't happen that doesn't happen that that that doesn't happen that that that that that that that that that that that that that that doesn't happen you more or less want to kill yourself, that period is behind me now. But the flip side is the evenings are off limits because their idea of when they should be going to sleep.

Of course it's like, I mean, a 10-year-old is basically a teenager in terms of how much he demands to stay up. So yeah, again, the routines of the day just gets shiftededededededededededededededededededededed, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their, to to their, to to to to be to be to be to to be, their, to to to, their, their, to, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their..... That, their. That, their.. That, the the the the the the toe. And, to, to me. We. If. If. We. If. If, to, toe. Wea. Wea. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe.e.e. Wea. If. Wea. If, toe. If, the toe. Wea. If, the routines of the day just gets shifted. I think I'd take my evenings over, if you offered me to lose two hours of the evening, so my daughter staying up, but I gained two hours in the morning. I think I'd prefer to lose the time in the morning still. The evenings are... I don't have the... I can't offer you that anyway. I don't control it, obviously. So obviously, I, I, I, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, so, so, so, obviously, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, I, I, I, I, I, I the, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, that anyway, I don't control it obviously. Also, with the, so obviously the kids splitting times between the two houses and stuff, do you ever sort of clash slightly on the parenting and is it harder to sort of like,

you know, agree on how it should be done when you're not, you know, there together the whole time? It's certainly not. Yeah, of course kids are quite good at exploiting, again in football terms they will slip between the two central defenders. They'll tell my ex that we, oh yeah, we did that at dad's house and vice versa. We have to cooperate to sort of put the pieces together because the 10-year-old in particular is a sophisticated sort of cheat now. He'll always claim that he gets certain privileges at the other place or that he's already done his homework there or you have to be

you have to both have your mind switched on to stay to stay ahead of it. Yeah And it's yeah there has to be a lot of cooperation and sometimes I've got better at just accepting that I it's not going to always go well as well. Because we have a lot of people email in and solicitors and stuff that are sort of separated and after the kids split time between their parents and it always strikes me it's must be so difficult. Even if you do have a good relationship after you've separated, it's difficult to make, you know, make sure they're all telling the truth of stuff, but if you didn't get on that well with your ex, it must be impossible if there's not that, you know, because some, you know, some,

some, you know, some friends of the growing up and you see that they'd like have to be dropped off at the end of the road type thing and then that they don't. Money wise especially, yeah. Oh I tell you what, that is fiddly, yeah. I don't I don't a hundred percent recommend the process if you can avoid it. And we were kind of, it was a little bit acrimonious for a while. We were never quite at that leaving them at the end of the road stage, but things are sort of reasonably equitable now and even if they weren't, yeah, you'd have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to to to to to to to to to to th. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th.. th. th.. th. th. th. the th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. that. It. It. It. It. It. It's that. It that. It's that. It's that. that. that. that. Yeah. the the the th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, them at the end of the road stage but things are sort of reasonably equitable now and even if they weren't you yeah you'd have to make them because your mental energy for like fighting people is almost zero when you're also fighting with the world the way it is at the moment yeah I think so in some ways all of us have learned to get better at like all of the the interperson relationships have had to get better because otherwise you just can't you can't you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you to make to make to make to have have to have to have you you you you to have have to have to have to have to have you you you you you'd you'd you you you you you you you you you you you you you yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah th. to th. to th. to to to th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to ta to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi to to to thi to to get better at, like all of the interpersonal relationships have had

to get better because otherwise you just can't, you can't manage. But that takes mental energy as well and there are days when you sit there and think, well, I just, I think it's a case of, have a glass of wine and forget about everything here. If you buy a glass I'd mean quite a large glass, potentially. And do you, do you like, um, what's it like, the they're not there and then they turn up? Like so you're getting half, you're seeing them for half the week. Yeah. So does it feel like you're living kind of two different lives in a way? It really does. Sometimes when, especially because the, like my partner and I run sort of a production company

as well from from this house so a lot of the time there is kind of there's a lot of work going on things feel orderly here everything feels you know it feels more or less like being a proper human being and then you're aware that within 15 minutes of the kids being the house it will be it will resemble a circus more than a workplace. Yeah and um you know what I've try to the thi the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. I've th. I've the the the the the the the the the the the th. thi thi their thi thi their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. I've th. I've th. I've thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. I tho. I've thi. I've ty. I ty. ty. thooo. thoooo. th. I thi. I their their their their their the of the kids being the house, it will be, it will resemble a circus more than a workplace. Yeah. And, you know, what I've tried to get better at is not bracing myself too much for that.

If you, if you, even as you're picking up the kids, you feel tense, thinking, oh, Christ, here we go. That is not a good thing tory to kind of accept, like mentally accept the chaos. It's like, tell you what, is it a bit easier, is being able to take them to, you know, cafes or to the cinema. And the worst bit for me was when there was literally no building outside your house that it was legal to set foot in. At least now I feel like not everything has to be in the house, but you're right, Josh, it is basically like, for the last few months I felt like the halves of me that are and

aren't looking off the kids are almost two separate people. There's a person that can get quite a number of tasks done in a day, and then there's a person that has to cower in a toilet to get a single email away. If you're parenting these past six months and you don't regard your bathroom as the office, then you're doing better than me. What a place. A door with a lock on it has become so, so valuable in this period. Mine's worked out the old 10P trick though, where you can just undo it for the other side. Is that a thing? Yeah, you know like if it's one of those locks where it's not a key, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the, the, the the the their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, though, where you can just undo it for the other side. Is that a thing? Yeah, you know like if it's one of those locks but it's not a key, it's a little like, oh it's a turning thing. Turn it, like a little turning knob. On the other side there's a little slit like for a screwdriver, a little tea, you can get a 10p. In their way, I don't think I don't think I don't think I don't think I don't think I don't think I don't think I don't think I don't th think I don't th th th th think I don't th thin I don't thin I don't thin I don't thin I don't th I don't th I'll don't th I'll don't thin I don't thi I'll don't thi I'll don't I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll I'll th I'll th I'll th I'll th I'll th I'll th thin I'll don't think I don't think I don't think I don't think I don't think I don't th th th th think I don't thi I don't thi I don't thi I'll don't thin I'll thin Ito this in that case. I mean they probably shouldn't be for all sorts of reasons to be fair. I don't know if you should be publicizing knowledge like this Rob this sounds borderline criminal. Well yeah I mean yes I mean I wouldn't endorse it but it can be done. You haven't exactly

distanced yourself from it either though. How do you sort of do you sort of do Christmases and stuff like that then do you sort of do Christmases and stuff like that then? Do you sort of have a year, with the kids or a year, not with the kids or is it sort of more fluid? It took a little bit of time to work it out and the past two years we've done Christmas Day itself with our respective new setups and then we've done things all together on Christmas Eve on Christmas Eve on Boxing Day. Oh nice. For the past two or might be three years, it's been Winter Wonderland on Christmas Eve

and then Pantam on Boxing Day. But of course... Who are you playing in the Pantamire? Oh, just a set of bit parts for me. I've... Chris Whittie was the lead, obviously. And it is nice. And that kind of Christmas Eve boxing day I then tend to take them to my parents later in the in that bit between Christmas and New Year where it's a case of right what we do now.

But all of this is sort of hanging the balance isn't it I shouldn't think they'll be pantomimes and I'd be very very surprised if winter wonderland is allowed to happen because that's basically not happening. No, no, no not happening. There you go. I mean. I I I I I I I I I I I I I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that's. I that's. I that. I that's. I that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. th. that. th. that. th. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. th. th. th mean I think that's probably sensible because that is essentially 40,000 people in quite a small field. And a lot of them are pissed on mold wine and German sausages. I mean the more I talk about it the more disappointing is it's not happening actually because Winter Wonderland does sort of look like a hellscape but it is a great place to entertain kids. So what happens at a winter wundle? I've never been to a winter wundlundl. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is. And, is, is. And, is, is. And, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, and, is a the, and, is a the, and I. And, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their, the haven't got kids, there's it would be a weird decision to go, I think. Yeah. But basically, it's a big old, like a theme park. So you've got your helter-skelters and those rides that someone like me looks at them and immediately throws out, like awful looking rides. But then there's also this, the German, their their their their th. Or th. Or th there's also this either German or fake German market with booze and sausages and stuff like that. So it is quite a good place. It's all in High Park. And traditionally it gets so muddy that it's more like being at Glastonbury.

In a lot of ways it's quite an unpleasant experience but it is a place where the kids can have quite a nice night and you can get quite drunk in all fairness. And those are the as close to guilt free as you can be getting pissed with kids yeah. So and also if you go like in the afternoon evening it obviously gets dark it's Christmasy it has that sort of it's the sort of thing that you are aware that the kids are they're forming nice memories even though you're looking around thinking, well, there's too many idiots here, and that was just 14 pounds for a mold cider there. It's so expensive, isn't it?

It really is. I don't know how much the actual tickets to it cost, but as soon as you get through, they've absolutely got you. You come away away away away away away away experience, but you're about a grand down. Yeah. When Romish went to see Mr. Tumble at Wembley Arena with his kids, obviously, and it was like a 10 quid for a 12-inch hot dog and he's like, and he's like, do you do a smaller one? I was like, no, is that three-year-old? It's absolutely. Those kids' arena shows unbelievable took my kids to poor patrol live at the O2. I know, which is the bleakest sentence I've ever said that like. Well, have you seen poor patrol? Yes, they're big fans in my ass. Right, well, imagine that, but shit. Imagine that, but instead of sort of a lovable animation it's just people you know

pretending to be dogs. The main thing with it was is, I was wasn't the O2, it was when it was again Wembley Arena. It was a sort of place that you know 10 years ago you might have seen Arcade Fire now you're watching a bunch of bloke pretending to be dogs and being it going to stuff on that scale like going to music venues but to see kids stuff really reminds you of how your life has changed I think like you're thinking last time. What happens in Poor Patrol Live? Sorry? What happens in Poor Patrol Live? How long? Oh I can summarize it for you very easily Rob Hard anything happens in it. Um you basically what happens in Port Patrol live is everyone responsible for putting on the show makes an enormous amount of the show.

Because as with Romesh's hot dog story there's like there's any amount of dog merch that the kids all want. I can't believe the actors are getting paid well. They're not on a door split. I don't think that no it's not a bucket collection at the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. the the the the. They're not on a door split. I don't think, no, there's not a bucket collection at the end. The actors are, it should be like that actually. It should be like a free friend show in Edinburgh and at the end they should come and say, well, I think if you've only, so basically they come out, they do like a, you know, what would pass as an average episode of Poor Patrol, but all of it is,

they're in costumes and it's done partly by talking partly by, you know, like voiceover tracks and stuff. There's a few songs and then pretty quickly it's over and the lights come up. And if you banked on passing the, you know, you, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, th.. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thin. tho, thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. thed. it's over and the lights come up. And if you banked on passing the, you know, killing the afternoon with your kids, there's this horrible feeling of like, is that hit? So it works out about 17 pounds a minute. And you often get this with shows for the very young kids. It's you pay what you pay for a theater show. And it's billed like, there's a particular feeling you get when they begin a song

which has the look of an end song about it. And you're filled with this cold fear of like, hang on a minute, let's not start singing a song that goes, we've all had a lovely time, it's time to leave the theatre. I don't think it is quite. their own. So what kind of parenting were you, did you grow up with Carl? Well they were just quite, you know, it's not their own fault. My dad, I don't think, was a particularly, what's the word, natural dad. You know, he was old, he was 43 when I was born. So there was no, there was no, and he was, he's uncomfortable around kids, like,

which is awkward when you've got two of her. So we never played with it. I never I don't remember once ever playing with my dad you know I mean he was just I think he waited until I was in my teens and we could hold a conversation before he actually learned to communicate and there was never like he's never he's never been very loving or yeah he's just naturally an old-fashioned bloke you know I mean he just sort of grunt now and again and watch just constantly watch his telly and my mom mom he he he he he he he the the the th the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. tho thi thi th. I'm thi. I'm tho the. I'm th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th th. I th th th thi thi. I'm thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi theeeeeeei thi thi thi thi thi. I'm thi. I'm just constantly watch his tele. And my mom is quite a neurotic Irish woman who's very, you know, when I say neurotic, I mean to a pathological level. So she was really so stressed and anxious about everything that that sort of, you had to, I know, me and my brother definitely just sort of went our own way.

Quite, we were quite independent from a young age because we were like, I don't think, I th I I I think, I th I th I th I th I th I th I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I thi thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th. th, th. th, th, th. th, th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to, thi. thi, from a young age because we were like, I don't think, I think we've outgrown these people by our early teens, so we just went off and, you know, did our own thing. Because you've always been quite grown up, I'd say like, I mean, I never knew you as a teenager, but I've known you for like 10, 12, 12 years. even when you were young on the comedy circuit, it was almost like an elder statesman, the grown-up, that the older brother of everyone. And you've always sort of been older than your years, I all told her. Like I remember I started

cooking my own dinners when I was at home when I was about 12 because I didn't like my mom's cooking, which I think, looking back. That is rude. That is rude. That is rude. I thrown't, that is, that is, that, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, to, the, to, the, the, the, the, the, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I, I the, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I the, I, I, I the, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I the, I, I the, the. I, the. I the. I the. I'm, the. I'm, th. th. tho. I'm, always, th. th. th. tho. tho. I'm. I'm. I'm always, the. I always, the. I always, I always, I always, I thought, it's just it will take the load off her, you know, so she doesn't have to stress and you know, and I can cook myself what I want to cook and I learned to cook from doing that, but looking about it, I do think that is, I'd take it personally if my daughter when she's 12 go look, look, you take a night off me, I'll cook my own. Yeah, yeah, I'm not hear hear that. think though there's a because this is something I've sort of read up upon where if you were parented in a certain way you'll sort of almost try and counter out that with your own child and whereas you were maybe left your devices and to be a grown up quite early on do you think there might be a danger that you may not like overcompensate not smother your daughter but are you aware that you maybe do too much for her and in that way she gets a to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to too to to too to too too to to to too too to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. their their their their their the. the the the the tho. the the to the. to the to to to to to to to to to a bit money coddled. Definitely I mean there is yeah I'm pretty certain I'm going to probably veer too far that way because I'm I do and it's

mainly because I want I want her to grow up and like me and trust me and actually be able to go to me. You're definitely. Get me in the guitar and the cowboy let's go. Love me love me. I think it's quite as almost a sad point to it. But. But. But. But. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. to. to. to. to. to. I'm. I'm. to. I'm. to. to. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'. I'. I'. I'. I'. I'. I'. I'. I'. I', love me, love me. I think it's quite as almost a sad point to it, but I want her to, I want her to like me when she's older and go to me or feel like she can come to me if she's got problems or you know I've never I would never go to my parents if I had a problem. I've got my mates I've not mates who would go to way before my parents. I've never asked them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them their their their to to be to be to be to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. I'm. I've to. I've to. I've to. I'll to. I'll to. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm to to to t t to t t toe. I'm to to to to to to to to to to to to toe. I'm to toe. I'm to the. I'm th problem. I've not mates who I'd go to way before my parents. But I've never asked them for anything. And it's that's not, it's not just because of their financial situation and the fact they haven't got any money and things like that. It's more just I wouldn't go to them for emotional advice or anything really just because I think I was always like, that's not really their forte. So I want to be able to at least offer that to my child. So she, if she's ever

in dire straits or whatever, she can actually come to me, not just think, well, I need to go through my WhatsApp list to see who else I can ask. Would you find that you parent in a different way to your parents, Rob? Not many people know that Russell Kane was brought up on a hippie commune. I don't know really, I'm not yet really. I think it's more when we were treated like you go out and you get a job type thing at like six, I always work from like 14 and stuff. And not that I want my kids not to have sort of that same work ethic, but I think the proof will be more with the teenagers. So it's just trying to go out out the the to be more the to be more to be more the to be more the proof to be more the proof to be more the proof the proof to be more the proof the proof to be more the proof the proof the proof the proof the proof to be more the the the the the the proof the teenagers. So it's just trying to find out balance of I don't want to go too far one way or one too far the other but it's just trying to get that the right balance of

yeah go out and work because you need to work to get money but also I think that's the people from working class backgrounds can get consumed by the earning of money and and getting the Rolex or the flash car and that's a the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the th th th th th. th. to to th. to th. to to the to get the right the right the right the the thro the right the right the right the right the right the right the right the right the right the right the right the right the right the right the right the right the right the right the right the right the right the right the right the right the right the right the right the the the the the the the the th is th is th is th is th is just just just th is th is just th is just the the the thro throoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo to get the. the the th consumed by the earning of money and getting the Rolex or the flash car and all that to prove that you've got the money, it's got the money, it's all going to be okay. But actually you're sort of running on a subconscious level of fear that it's all going to go away the whole time. So it's, and then you never stop to relax and go, it'll be okay, we'll get on whatever happens. Do you know, I think that's why it's interested with Carl. And Carl's gone, you know, I'm a bit sort of, like hippieish and artifarty to my family,

but Carl has gone even beyond. I love that. I love that you are that that that that that that that that thapapapapapapapapap-I that that you are hippieish and artifarty to your family. That is absolutely amazing. Nobody paints a picture of your family in our mind. It's meant, isn't it? But they're like, you'd say. Eerie bloody is, old Jim Morrison walking in. My dad, I drove my parents up to see my brother. This was just before lockdown and my brother lives in Nottingham. And I took my and my aunt Junie and like my mom and her sat in the back just talking

incestantly like as old women do where they just commentate on everything that happens. And they're all in a baby career yeah? All in the front of the chest. No car, no no pram. At one point I overheard them that we went past one the big. their one. their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their, their, their, their, their, their, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t.that we went past one of them big wind turbines and I just heard my mom go, Jesus, Ginny, look at the size of that, right? And then we went past another one about three minutes later and she went, I know I said it before but Jesus, would you look at the sazer. She just kept commenting on every wind turbine we went past. And my dad, this is is is is, this is, was just like woo oh and my dad sat down and he goes are you listening to hoovering but that's what I've got to deal with my whole life do you because you're

very kind of relaxed as a person yes and parenting is arguably the least relaxing pursuit you know at times. Do you find when you're woken up at 2 a.m. or when you're struggling to do something, is it difficult to remain Zen for one of a better word? Not so far, I've been pretty good. I genuinely would say yesterday when she was having, she had probably the most neurotic day she's had since she was born. You know, when I mean, and what I mean, but that is when the first few weeks they're literally don't know what they're doing, do they? They're just a ball of noise and

they're just so new to the world. But so I think then you can, it doesn't really matter if they're crying because you totally understand that they, to them it must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their their. their try. try. try. try. try. try. today. try. their their their their their their their they're they're they're their their t world, but you know since she's become much more aware and fun and laughing and giggly like she's actually been reared she's a really chilled out baby and then yesterday was the first time she was pretty much non-stop quite difficult all day and that's the closest I've got to like to not be able to just sort of contextualize it and go it's fine she's a baby. I mean that's what I'm I don't don't know if you did it but I read a lot of books while my wife was pregnant I thought I just you know I've got enough time I'll just do the reading during lockdown and you know just at the start of the year we were traveling we went over to Australia and stuff so I had try to drill into myself to never ever think that the baby is doing it to annoy you that's what I think a lot of parents get into that mind frame when a baby

especially once they get to about four or five months when they become a bit more conscious people think they're trying to manipulate you or they're trying to do they know what they're doing they're doing they're doing they're doing they're doing they're doing they're doing they're doing they're doing they're doing they're doing they're doing they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're to to to to they're to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi. thi. thr-I thr-i. thr-i. thr-i. thr-I thr-i. thr-i. thr-i. thr-i. thi. thi. th you and it's not true they're not developed enough to understand that but at this point five months in I'm still whenever she's crying or in you know I always think of it I put myself in her position and go look she's just of course she's upset she's four and a half months old and there's just been a loud noise or whatever something something obviously is causing this so I'm at the minute I might be chilled about it. There's still inside you the little oik from toot in, Carl, that surely at some bugger goes out for fuck sake. Yeah, a little bit. It never erupts.

Well, do you know what? The thing that keeps annoying me is because she's breastfeeding still through the night, like it's unbelievable how she's dealt with it, but I've realized I'm mentally relatively normal. I don't feel exhausted, but I think that's because I'm diverting all my energy to my brain. My body, I'm the clumsiest I've ever been, I knock everything over. And my wife just hears me throughout the day, every half an hour and knock something I'm shit. I can hear just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just the their their their their their the throughout the day every half an hour knocks up and over and go, oh shit, like in the other room. Shit, I can hear just around the house throughout the day. So yeah, I definitely, I think I still get annoyed about that level of clumsiness, but in terms of the emotional side, as yeah, I've somehow managed to maintain this sort of

zen. And when are you planning on moving the baby out of the bedroom, like into their own room? If you've got a plan for that or are you just going to see how it goes? Yeah, we're just going to see how it goes. I think, yeah, we haven't actually bought a cot yet. So, which is quite a five months in the minute, not bought a cot. But we are looking at one. So we're going to get one of the th the th probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably th and th and th and th and th and th and th and the to get one the to get one to get one to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to see how to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see th to see th th to see th th th th th th th thi thi the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the wants to maybe have her own space and that. It's very much baby lead. I think. Yeah, just have a quick discussion with her. If her first words are, seriously, can I not sleep somewhere else?

You feel a bloody annoying. Let me have my own bed, got breathing on me, Dad. Why do you wear the cowboy out to bed? It's weird. Oh, do you know what?this is gross but um I think I've in the last couple of weeks I think I've developed sympathy nappy rash with my daughter. This is where the hippie stats come in now for this. Well because I'm a naked I've always been a naked sleeper right for like well not always for the last decade I've never slept in any layers whatsoever I hate it. What was a turning point really because I've always been a the the the the the the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the the the the the the the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last th. th. th. the last th. th. the last the last the last the last the last the last the last. the last. the last. the last. the last. the last. the last. the last. the last. the last. th. the last. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the the the the the th. the the th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. te. te. te. te. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. it. What was the turning point really? Because I've always been a naked sleeper but it's only in the last 10 years.

Was there a turning point? Just Dick was too up? Well I mean, when she came along and she was in the bed I felt a bit, I don't know, I felt a little bit grotty with just having my willy flipping around next to her. So I thought I've got up at a got up at a layer. How far down is she sleeping? That's why they're calling the wind turbine. Look at the state of that. As she grows, I don't want to, I don't want that to be like the barometer, the day she's got of her foot just touches my knob. I don't want to disgust it. So I just I thought, do you know, I of, you know, just out of some level of, and also because you're up and about a lot in the night, I thought it's good to at least have a layer on in the night time if you, you know, go into your, walking around the house and stuff. So I, I started wearing a layer, basically a box of shorts in bed.

And because I haven't mourn it for so many years, I've basically got nappy, to put an air. Oh wow, so you having to put on the same stuff as her? Are you both lying there and putting on you? I do what I do. I've got a poor wife. Legs up, let's go, both of you. So obviously you have kids and your focus changes, right? You know when you used to look at Google images of like fit actresses or like an actor that you rated or a comedian or whatever and you'd always see that Google image result of them at the premiere of some kids with their kids. And you think, oh actually that's pretty cool isn't it? One day,

like, but you can't imagine you doing it. And then when you have kids, you start thinking about adult content all the time. You realize everything you do is, has an adult content and you think, well, it would be quite cool to have something that my kids could enjoy. So, you know, obviously they were little, they'd watch the CBB's bedtime stories and I thought, I know people at CBBs, I don't know anyone at CBB's,

but I must be able to stick with that started making calls and I got in toucest with the commissioner at CBBs and she was like, join the fucking Q-Mate. Judy Dench is waiting to do this. I thought they'd just snap my hand off. Yeah, I thought they'd just be like, oh my god, yeah, brilliant. Like, get in there, do something for the kids. So I actually waited years to get on the CBBs. And by the, yeah, by the time I got on it, my kids too old to care. They didn't watch CBBs anymore. So it was kind of fruitless.

But the other story to it was because I've got two of my best friends live up there, it's always a reunion, you get on it. You know, you know those guys that you know where it's like, if you meet them, you're getting on it. So I meet up with my friend Saye and Matt and obviously we get on it. But I ended up having an all-nighter and I hadn't looked at the call sheet. So I was just thinking, I'll be afternoon or whatever. You know, when your phone rings in the hotel, not your mobile, the hotel room phone. You know there's a problem if your hotel phone rings. Oh, right. Rings. And it was like the third time and reception was like, there's a driver waiting here for you downstairs.

You've got to come down. It was like frantic. I was like, oh my God. I was fully clothed, just passed out on my bed. And I just got up, fully clothed, and just went downstairs, got in the car. And within like, because it was the holiday in at Media City, so it's like two minutes away. So within five minutes, I was sat in a room with Kerry and this other dude Alex, who were like the people that babysat my kids while I was doing comedy in that as early. So I was just tripping out, I hadn't slept with the C. BBs guys.

Oh, man. They're just caking makeup on my face. I like smelling salts, trying to make my eyes look less hard. Oh, mate. I was, I was just so not how I planned to to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to plan to prepare to make my eyes look less hard-shot. You must stank as well, mate. Oh, mate, I was just so not how I planned to, you know, prepare. My voice was going. Did they know you'd been out? I think I probably told someone, probably told the makeup assistant or something, but, oh, mate, I was a mess and it was just really annoyed. But then, you know, people would hit me up online and say, oh, my kids love this telling or they love that telling of the book. So I think I got away with the couple of years.

The most emotional they've ever seen because you were crying throughout, weren't you? No, no one's ever seen someone delivering. I felt awful. I felt awful. I'm thea. knowing knowing behind the curtain. That's it for this special best off episode. We'll be back next week. If you're not in the queue and you are waiting, then step to the side.

It's got to touch, you said, yeah, sorry, mate. You didn't seem like yourself the other day. You've only met me three times. The self-service checkouts. I don't care what you're the I'm not getting tricked into working here. People at festivals in those stupid jester hats. But do you know what a snake's penis looks like? £2.69 for a bottle of water. Why is your Wi-Fi code? 10 characters lost. Climbled.

I don't care if you watch. Cut. What's upset you now? Hello. I'm Sean Walt. And we are the host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host host. the host. the host. the host. the host. the host podcast What's Up Set You Now. Each episode is only 15 minutes long that is perfect for your commute. Absolutely perfect. What a little 15 minute bus drive to work? Stick an episode of What's Up Set You Now On. What's it all about Sean? Well me and Paul and a big name comedy guest such as Tom Allen or Rob Beckett or Josh Whitakam will rant about what has got our goat that week

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It's very much a celebration of I don't know what would you say Sue's being queer? Being queer but also chit chat. There's loads of straight people that love it so I think that you should come along and listen to it. There's something for everybody. It's been described as white noise for gays, but also we had a lovely section about Glade plugins. So why don't you listen to it? Search, like-minded friends, wherever you get your podcasts. That sounded quite professional, didn't it?