Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - Now That's What I Call Parenting Hell - Volume 7

Episode Date: January 6, 2023

While we're on a very short break to see in the new year (Happy New Year everyone!) here's a hand crafted selection of the finest tales and advice from the Parenting Hell podcast archives. Each one a guaranteed banger... (We'll be back for series 6 on Tuesday 10th January) TRACK LISTING: ELLIS JAMES Kicking things off, Ellis James reveals how his son’s early wake ups miraculously disappeared... only to return.  ABBEY CLANCEY Next up, Abbey Clancy describes the mayhem and mishaps in her jam-packed household… IAIN STIRLING The next highlight comes from Iain Stirling as he talks getting to grips with the early stages of parenting… HELEN RUSSELL Helen Russell discusses the delights of Danish living and the lengths she’ll go to for Danish pastries… BABATUNDE ALESHE Babtunde Aleshe discusses competitive children, the pleasures of countryside living, and his son’s unusual comfort habit… SAM QUEK Our penultimate clip features new mum Sam Quek revealing some of the strange requests she’s as an Olympian…  CHARLIE BAKER And finally, Charlie Baker, shares his perfect analogies for living with and parenting his teenage son…   If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] TWITTER: @parenting_hell INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Widdickham. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips, advice, and of course,

tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Visit continue.yorky.c.c.a. Miller Light. The light beer brewed for people who love the taste of beer, and the perfect pairing for your game time. When Miller Light set out to brew a light beer, they had to choose great taste or 90 calories per can. They chose both, because they knew the best part of beer is the beer.

Your game time tastes like Miller Time. Learn more at Miller Light.C.A. Must be Legal Drinking Age. I think though maybe, Ellis, that you were considered the person that had had it hardest on this podcast. You almost became like an urban sort of folk legend of the podcast until we had you on. And then it was confirmed that you did have it quite bad the first.. time. time. time.. time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time times times times the times the the times the the the times the times the times times times their their their their their times their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their times. times. times. times. times. times. times. times. times. times. times. today. today. times. today. the the. the the. the the. the the. of folk legend of the podcast until we had you on and then it was confirmed that you did have it quite bad the first time around so I think we're intrigued to know how I've just re-listened to your podcast Alice oh yeah you're getting up at 10 to 5 yeah yeah no there every morning I think that my son has re-listened to that podcast because...

How is it? Probably a month after we recorded that, it all clicked and he started waking up at 7 a.m. And I could honestly tell you it was like being on... It just clicked overnight. Pretty much, yeah. It was like being on a holiday. We had a very strange couple of days where he was waking up... It must have been doing the school holidays or something because, because Betty is, thiiiiiii, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, probably, probably, thi, probably, probably, probably, thi, probably, thi, probably, probably, probably, probably, probably, probably, probably, probably, probably, probably, probably, probably, probably, probably, probably, probably, probably, probably, probably, probably, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. thi, th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. toa. toa. toa. toa. toa. toa. to to to thi, probably, probably, thi, thi he was waking up, must have been during the school holidays or something because Betty's a late riser, my daughter, our daughter, so we don't set alarms because he was our alarm, Stefan, my now two-year-old son.

And then there were a couple of weird days where Betty wasn't at school, so he must have not been setting an alarm, must have been the weekend, where he was waking up, like at half-a-clock, and the day the day, and then the day, and then the day, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, the day, the the the th-day, th-day, th-up, th-up, th-up, th-up, th-up, th-up, th-up, th-up, th-up, th-up, th-up, th-a-a-a-a, th, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, be, because, be, be, be, be, be, be, because, be, be, because, be, be, because, be, because, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s-s-s-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-a-s, th-a-s, th-a-s, thi. We he was waking up like at half past eight and then at nine o'clock and then at one one day he woke about half past nine, to the extent that we went in and we went in and checked on it. Yeah. I thought, wow. This is, this is amazing. And then he settled down at about 7 a.m., that's ideal for me, no problem at all. Wow. Over the last last last last last last last last last the last the last th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. the. the. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the the the the the. the. the the over the last week. Oh no. Basically, you texted me five, six days ago, saying do you fancy coming on lockdown parenting hell again? As a returning guest, I said, yeah, no problem. And he woke up at 650, yeah, I can under that. And then it was 6.40.

Then at 6.30, I said, oh, this isn't great, isn't it? He's shaving off 10 minutes every morning, then it was 6.20. This morning was 558. I thought you fucking bastard. Now I think what's happened is we are recording this in late March. And I think what's happened is it's,'s the light it's it's it's now light in the morning it's now light at about six a.m. when I go into his room even though there's a blackout blind that is treated with a reverence that you

would usually reserve the two-inch shroud. I mean I no wonder the blitz was so bad because if it constitutes a blackout blind now with all the clad technology what the fact was going on men did all wrong to disco lights on the windows that is such a cockney observation 50 years before you were born you can't stop going on about the blitz you don't know how hard we yeah every night it was fucking every night I mean they completed Coventry in Liverpool don't know how old we... Every night it was, fucking every night. I mean they completed Coventry in Liverpool, don't they, in Plymouth and Swansea, I mean the East State of London where I grew up.

You get played there by accident, they were aiming for us. That was a death floor green, and it was completely flattened by the bloody Germans. Anyway, so I, so I think it's the light is creeping in. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, the light is the light is the light is the light is the light is the light, so, so, so, so, so, think it's the light driving the light is creeping in so so last night I took such care over this blackout blind but it's still creeping in on the sides and then there's a blind and then there's the curtains are white I don't know why we bothered with those curtains um white curtains. So yeah but basic basic you know it's white with a picture of a I don't know of fucking unicorn or yeah what's the multi-colored elephant called? It's because Elma yes I get like Elmer curtains or something I don't know.

It's a complete bullshit. But um so yeah so I'm worried I think is because the summer's on the summer's on the way but obviously the clocks go back on Saturday night so 6 a.m. will become 5 a.m. I mean 7 a.m. We had 6 I really thought this was it we had 7 or 8 months of that. And did anything did you done anything? We did do sleep training but is that what did it? We did sleep training the first time and then he got the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they. they. they. they. they. they. their. their. their. th. th. their. th. th. th. their. their. their their their. their. the summer. the summer. the summer. the summer. the summer. the summer. the the their. their. their. their. their. their. the their. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the summer. the the the summer. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. th. th. th. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the the training. But is that what did it? We did sleep training the first time and then he got ill. He had a really bad cold. This is pre-lockdown. And then because we had to go in and cuddle him and give milk and stuff because he had this really bad cold he kind of forgot all of the sleep training. So then we did sleep

training again. Yeah because I think the common cold. loss. Because I face in Lurtigarus had a cold and I couldn't say anything that angles now. I forgot how to write. I live in a big circle it's like the roundhouse by ours. I couldn't handle it. And then what happened? The second time it really clicked and then he was sleeping through the night but he was he was an early riser and then his rising just became later and later and then it was settled down at about between seven and quarter past seven great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great. great. great. great. great. great. great. the the the the the the the the the the the. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. It. It. It was. I was. And. And. And. And. the. the. the. the. And. the. the. the. the. the. the. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was about between seven and quarter past seven. Great. But I think what's happened is now because he's two, he was two in January so he was three months ago. I think we're now entering the zone of maybe dropping his afternoon nap because he's still has quite a substantial afternoon nap, which is also a ball lake in itself because that's when I tend to do a lot of stuff when he's asleep. Because he's a very... How long is he having a nap for?

You are? How long's his nap? Oh, I thought he said, what's he having a nap for? Because he's too fucking lazy. Lazy bastard. I thought you'd phrased a question in a really weird way. What's she having a nap for her? Well, Bung he's a bit tired, isn't he? Come on, do me a favour. What's he drinking all that milk flour? He's drinking all that milk flour. Rob's never met a kid. It's quite a weird podcast to do it actually. I made it all up. I'm a character act.

He's winging it, but he's finally been excited. I'm rather trained. It's all based on his very fuzzy memories of his own childhood. First of all, can we remind the listeners of your set-up at home with the kids? How many we got? We've got four kids, we've got three under five. Okay, so look, he runs through the ages? Sophia is ten, Liberty's five, Johnny's three and the gift from God.

One. The gift from God. Oh wow. The gift from God. And on top of this, you've texted me before this. It's quite stressful in your household because of the amount of animals you've got. Yeah. We've just got five little ducklings. But only two of them have hatched at the moment.

Yeah. And we've got two orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan orphan two th o o o o o o o' th o' th o' thom thom thom thom thom thom thom thom bottle feeding and last three kids are still bottle and dummy so I'm not doing very well really. So you've got you've got three kids and two lambs all on the bottle at the same time? At least they're not all breastfeeding that'd be a nightmare. Good job we've got them on the bottle. I've got no breasts so you can't have that. Do you live in the countryside then? No? No. Fair enough. Kind of. I think I'm just kind of trying to live the childhood I wanted through my own children. Like we never allow pets or anything like that. So I just try and give them as many pets as I can.

Have you got cats and dogs as well? Yeah, two cats. Our cats are 15. Okay. We got them when me and Pete first got together. We've got our dog Jeffrey who we got in lockdown. Okay. Lockdown dog. And we've got Lily and Lola the lambs. Yep. And Jemima the duck. This was hatched today. And the other one hasn't got a name because he's literally just hatched and then the other three haven't hatched. And We've got a great Dane called Ringo who lives here part-time. Part-time? What what's he doing with the rest of the time? He's at my brother's house the rest of the time. So that's two dogs. He just needs a little break sometimes,

doesn't he? Yeah. They're quite calm Great Danes and it's a bit too much. But Pete's like he didn't want any of these animals and he's the their. He's likedains. He's likedains. He's. He's. He's likedains. He's a their. He's a their. He's a their their their their their their their their their their their their their the loves them. He like nurses the lamb as the lamb on his knee feeding it with a bottle wrapped in a little blanket. He's just, he likes to play this like cruel animal hater role but he loves it. Yeah, but Abby, before when we were setting up the sound, what did Peter say to you about bringing back another alive thing to the house? Well he said if I actually bring one more living thing into this house he's the house the house the house the house the house the house the house the house the house the house the house the house the house the house the house the house the house the house the house the house the house the house the house the house the house the house th th. He's going th. He's going th. He's the th. He's going to to th. He's to to to to to to to to to to th. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. He's, I the the the. I's the an theeeeeeeeeeeeeeat. I's th. I'll, they. I'll, theeat. He's thee. He's the. He's their the. He? Well he said if I actually bring one more living thing into this house he's gonna leave me. Okay yeah so you sure that he's into all these animals. Well I'm trying to make him take the hint that's why I keep getting them. Yeah because on when he was on he was speaking about the time you were shouting from the background because I asked him if he'd any parenting mishaps and you were shouting to tell in the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to be I I I was I was I was I was I was to be I was to be I was to be I was to told I'm told I was told I was told I was told I was to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the I was I was I was I was I was the the I was the the the the the the the the the the the they. I was they. I'm they. I'm the the the the the the the the tolde. I was told told told told tell them about the farm, tell them about the farm and he refused to tell us. So was the farm the house or was it at a farm?

So the farm story, it was at an actual farm and I went to the toilet, I was gone for one second and I come back and he was just sitting there and I'm like, where's the baby? Couldn't find the baby, so I was hysterical. the the the the th. And he th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. their thi. thi. their their thi. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their toy. It was. It was. It was toy. It was ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta. ta. ta. ta. area and was like a mile down the road by lambs and a lake all and everything. It was so so so I like battered Pete in front of everyone in the farm. I think I threw a cup of coffee on him. You know, it was a nightmare because I'm just so worried about anything happening to them. Of course. Of course, he's just far too late but he's just so late back it's a joke. Imagine the anecdote those people who've gone to the farm have got from that day. Oh no what did you say? Well some sheep and I also saw Abby Clancy throw a coffee on Peter

crouched it was amazing. I threw the coffee and punched him it's like I don't condone violence at all but I was you know th. Yes th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. Yeah th. Yeah. Yeah. I th. Yeah. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I tho. Yeah. I'm the. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I'm tho. I'm the tho. I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. I'm just just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. th. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm. theeeeea. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. it was out of panic. Yes, I think you could be let off. Yeah, I was terrified. But yeah, he's just too late back and he forgot the baby bag. That's his favorite thing to do. So how's the sort of parenting split? Obviously, because Peter, when he was playing football was really busy. Now he's retired, he sort still modeling and presenting, what's the sort of, you know, divvying up of responsibilities? Is it more you than Peter? That's what I'm getting from this?

I think so because I'm not working as much as Pete at the moment because my baby's only one, so I'm kind of enjoying just being at home with the kids. And when Pete goes to work, I'd just throw them at him. And he's like, I've been I've been thin I've been thin I've been thin I've been to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to work to work to work to work th. I've th. I've tho tho tho to work thathea' tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm more more more more. I'm th. I'm the. I'm the. the. thee. theeat. theat. the. theat. the. theat. the. I'm more the. I'm the. I'm more, tag, short end now. But Pete, like I can't complain about Peter's one thing he is. He's an amazing dad, like all jokes aside. You know, no matter how hungover he is, how tired he is, he's still like 100, 100% with the kids where I'm like normally dying somewhere. Oh, I can't do it if I'm hungover. I'm such a bad hungover parent.

It's horrible, isn't th isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't it? Just like cuts me off of drinking. I swear the drinks make kids get louder the next day. I don't know what it is, but just something just sends them over the edge. And mine are all too young to just get on the couch and watch a movie. It's just like they're not movie age. If you have to just play with them all day. Are you finished finished finished finished finished finished finished finished finished at just finished to just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just. to to to to to just. to just. to just. to just. to just. to just. to just. to just. to just. to just. to just the to just to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. the their their th. I th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. Is that sort of your sort of like if you sort of like is your opium is getting off getting off the heroine of kids you started with farm animals. I was actually finished with three. Yeah. And then I found out like I went for a fittin and they were like the girls like are you pregnant by any chance she could tell by my body. Really that's how you found out. I was like no chance and then I did a try to that. I wasthe car with Glenn Johnson and I was like Pete I was like Pete I've got something to say and he went if you if you're about to say what I think you're about to say just don't say it and he had another two hours left up till he got home

and I was so scared and then but he got home he a surprise we hated each other at that point as well, so I don't even know how I got pregnant. I don't be quite honest. Like the pregnancy with Johnny was hell. Johnny's your youngest, yeah? No, Johnny's the three-year-old. Okay, cool, yep. So I hated him.

He hated me, and I don't even know how it happened. That's why we's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's why we call him the gift from God. But you know what? He's just wonderful. He's just fabulous and he's just fitted in so well and he's not one bit of trouble. So it's 8.15 p.m. at the moment. They're all in bed, Josh? We've got it down.

That's amazing. How have you done it? I was the first out of my friends to have my babies and I would always feel bad about letting them down for like an event or going around to theirs for dinner or whatever and all my friends just bail I can't do it I've got the baby and they've got one you know so we feel quite smug about that but you know that they're in bed now Jack goes to sleep seven to seven God look at them moaning about the child to we've got four you know so we feel quite smug about that but you know they're in bed now Jack goes to sleep seven to seven but Johnny and Lib are in our bed now and then we'll have to get them

out of our bed okay so what's the bedtime schedule then do you try to bath them all together or is this a rotor they're all in the bath together what time's that I'm I'm obsessed I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the ti tom is tom is try try try try try try their their try their their their they they they're all all all all all they're all all they're all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all they they they they they they they to to they to try to try to to they. they. the the the the the the the the try. they. they they they they they they t bath together. What times are? I'm obsessed with people's schedules, I don't say it. So we eat early, we eat about half five. And do you in Peter eat at half five as well or is it just the kids? And that's it? Well no, then we have like people bring me like a cup of tea and Bicke's in bed at like 10 and he'll have like like toast or whatever or a pot noodle which makes me sick. Oh Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.................................................................................................................................. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. god. Pot Noodle in bed! No not in bed, before bed. All right. And I can't get my head around an athlete that would, even though they know all about nutrition, he's still banging back a pot noodle. Yeah, he loves them artificial ready meal things. No like a Rizzler, is it called like a Rizzlers burger or whatever? Oh, Russell's. Oh, they're awful.

Anything like that that, he loves. I think it's because he's been so deprived of his whole life being an athlete and having to eat so well. Yeah. It's like kind of binging on junk. So they're all getting the bath together in one go. So they all get in the bath together. Then I try and keep them in the landing and we have to catch them. Yeah.

And then put them into bed so that lasts about half an hour. Then Jack goes down and then Liberty and Johnny go in our bed. Yeah. Our kids aren't like big for stories. You know we try and do that whole story thing and go to bed and th and go thhing and go thhing and go thhing and go thhing and go thhing and thhing and thing and thing and go thing and go thing and go thing and go thin and go thin and go thin and go thin and go thin and go thin and go thin and go thin and go thin and go thin and go thin and go thin and go thin and go thin and go thin and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and thin and thin and go thin and thin and thin and thing and thing and thing and thing and thing and thing and thing and thing and thing and thing and thin and thin and thin and thin and thin and thin and thin and thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin minutes, then they fall asleep. And then we put them in their bed. And then when we go to bed about half an hour later, Johnny comes in with us. He sleeps there all night. And then we've got a single mattress on the floor next to our bed.

Where Liberty sleeps. Really? Yeah. And then Liberty gets out of the single bed and in our bed, and then, bed and then peak goes on the single mattress on the floor. But every night like clockwork wow. What a set-up that's amazing. They're so good but there's just too many of them. We have to kind of bend the rules a bit you know the schedules just don't the routines are just we've got our own little routine going on and it works. What does possible sound like for your business?

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because of the whole breastfeeding sit chew, I can get, and I once looked after the baby for three hours. Okay it was a fabulous time. You put her in that bouncy chair thing. Have you got one of them? A bouncy chair? Yeah, I've not the not the one on the door. I was like she's a bit young for that. No, no, no. Come on. The Bion Borg one is it? Not beyond. But we've got Maxi cozy oh classic you can't go wrong with a cozy maxie maxi cozy can you no so I put I put her in that that was and then you could just sort of and I've also worked out how to have you put them in the pram yeah and then you can put your feet on the back two wheels and sort of left to right motion. I've got for an entire half of football with them in there. Ah, little rocking. Little bit of rocking. Love movement. I used to love take, they do love move, I used to love them for walks and listening to podcasts because the fresh air keeps them

quiet and stuff. It's so counterintuitive, isn't it? Like you just think don't move them. Don't move them, don't make any noise. And they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they tho, don't tho, don't tho, don't tho, don't tho, don't move tho, don't move tho, don't move tho, don't move tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. th. th. love a bit of noise and they love a bit of a... Yeah. Well sometimes when our baby starts crying we go from the pavement on to like we go off road onto like the grass she's out like a light. Off road. We off road it. Can I just check you mean in the pram not when you're driving. Oh yeah no no I'm not like a Colin McCray rallying it about. How do you feel about I was very nervous changing them when they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're th. th. th. they're they're they're th. they're th. th. the. they're to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. they're they're the. the are the are the are to to to theee are to to to to to to to to to to to to to the are the. I was very nervous changing them when they're that small and obviously I did it and I did the nappies and put them in different clothes but like Lou would love like getting him into oh let's put me in that outfit I was like they're in an outfit Let's not risk it again that arm is so little I've got quite good at nappies. I'm very good at socks. I'm all right at trousers. I fall apart. It's anything that's anything th. It's anything that. It's anything that that has that has that has that has that has that has anything that has that has anything that has anything that has anything that has that has anything that has that has anything that has that has anything that has that has that has anything that has that has that has that has they they th. they're th. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they's they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. th. the. they're they're the. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're that has to go over their head and put their arms in. I'm like, I am going to pull, I'm going to dislocate their shoulder here. I don't know how it... Hold up like a turkey drumstick like, oh no, I've pulled too up. That's exactly that. I don't know how people do it. My main fear was the soft bit on top of the head. Yeah, it's like an avocado, it's rank. Support the neck, you are in peak support the neck territory.

We, and then that's all we do. We sort of ruin the fun of anyone else. Yeah, obviously COVID is very rarely happens. Yeah, anyone else that holds our baby just gets. Support, support the neck. Yeah, but some people don't do they. And they're like, and even parents of other kids, you know, like, and they're, and they're, and they're, and they're, and they're, and they're, and they're, and they're, they're, they're, they're, they, pick them up, their heads start rolling around like a bowling ball and you're like, what are they doing? I hate someone that's got, I mean, hate.

Now, do you know what? Fuck it, I hate. I hate. People that have got like six, seven year olds, so they think they're still no babies and they've completely forgotten everything. And they pick up your kid's like like, like, like, like, like, they know, I'm like, you're six, at least if they're like, if your kids like 10, 11, they're like, oh, I've not done this for a while, and they take some advice. The owner of a five-year-old throws your kid about like a bowling ball.

Have you had many visitors, Awe've had the old, um, six people in the couple has got a two-year-so....... th. th. th. their, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, their, their, th. their, their, their-a, their-a, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, if they're, if their-a, if their-a, if they're like, if they're like, if they're like, if they're like, if they're, if they're, if they're, if they're, if they're, if they're, if they're, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if-a, if-a, if-a, if-a, if-a, if-a, if-a, if-a, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, if you're, the old six people in the garden it was nice and one of the couples expecting them one of the couples has got a two-year-old was this nice sort of like rites of passage moment and all the all the dads had a little beer in the garden discussed where they were at which is really nice and I've noticed every parent says to me because we're like oh it's all right part from the sleep it's actually not to be a bad from the sleep it's they they they they they they they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's their their they's their their they's their they's they's their their their their they's they's they's they's they's they's their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th th th th th th th th th th the th their th their their their their their their their their their their their their and like, I mean, you think they're so beautiful and I have such a lovely time, you know, it's not as bad as I thought and you're like wait till they start moving. Yeah, I know, but you've got everyone is so pessimistic and it is a bit odd when they're running about, but you can't even feel like, that out. You'll always find some miserable bastard and then they'll be like I think they're all right all you wait till they start school and then they start school and it's fine oh wait to they're a teen

ad why don't you fuck off I can't wait for you to shut your mouth mate you're not helping my kids fine give me a break. Yeah I's mad well you know what it is is no one wants to that. No no no no no that no that no no that no no that is no that is no no that no that no that is no no no the the that is no that is no that no that no that no that is no that no that no that is no that that that that that that that that th you th you know that that that that that that that that that that that that that that they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th you tho they're they they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they to hear that someone else is having a good time with their children. Yeah, that's the problem. No one wants that. I find that I find that ours, we've been absolutely, I think we've been really lucky, they took to the like boob really well and took to the bottle really well and I think that's a big, those are the two of the big, big ones aren't they're small and they they they they they? and they're small, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I they, I they, I they, I they, I they, I they, I they, I they're they're they're, I they're, I they're, I they're, I they're, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I've, I've, I've, I they, I've, I they're, I they're, I th. th. th. tha, I tha, I tha, I tha, I tha, I tha, I tha, I tha, I tha, I tha, I they've, I they're, I they're. No that's the thing I think as well it's been it depends how stressful like what else is going on at the time if you if it's you know I think you get in a role if it's going quite well it sort of carries on going well but like out of your friendship group who you one of the last ones to have kids or one of the first or about the middle because it's you know I think you get in a role i'd go to a to a the the the the the the the the the the the the to go to go to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to go. to go. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to. the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. th. to. to. to. th. to. th. to. th. to. th. to. th. to. the. th. th. th. th. th. one of the last ones to have kids or one of the first or about the middle? Because it does change, like, I had groups of friends that I just stopped seeing when they didn't have kids, and then now they start and having kids,

you see them more, but have you found that with your friendship groups and stuff? I find, and a sort of the last one. They're all babied up. Two, free, you name it, little house outside, slow cooker chat, all that, the whole shabang, right? How old are you, I'm 33 years old? Which is like, you know, that's like 50 in Scotland, didn't it? I'm nearly done, man. People say things like this iPhone's been in our family for five generations and

so Scotland I'm quite far not far behind but I'm the back end of the curve and then London my mates some of whom are older than me look at me with my baby like I am an absolute maniac and they can't believe I've made this decision and why I'm not waiting till I'm 50 like everyone else? But they'll be the 45-year-old on a skateboarding Finnsry Park with a two-year-old going come on life. That's the one thing when you have a baby, when you have a baby, when you have the sleep and all that, I'm like, I don't think I'd be like, I'm being, thagn't, thage, no, no, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, the, I'm, the, on, on, on, on, on, on, in, in, in, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, th. If, th. If, thin, thin, thin, th.4.4. If, thin, thin, thin, thin, myself enough, but there is a sort of like doing night feeds when you're in your like your 40s or something, I'd be, I don't know if I'd manage it. Yeah, like I'll get you back going as you get up. Oh God,

and all that. Trying to take your son to like five a size when you're like in your 60s. Yeah, I mean, I'm 35 and I make a noise and putting th so th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm 35. I'm 35. I'm 35. I'm 35. I'm 35. I'm 35. I'm 35. I'm 35. I'm 35. I'm 35. I'm 35. I'm th. I'm th. I'm to to to to to to to th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't don't don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't thirty thirty thirty-I don't don't know thirty thirty-I don't thirty-I. It's certainly going to get worse. Yeah, but Rob, let's be honest, you make a noise doing anything, don't it? So Denmark, population about 5 million, I checked, I didn't know that. I've watched a documentary on Lego. Of course I have, I'm sure Rob has watched it as well. And they're based in like a small town that's just basically people who work at Lego, aren't they? Yeah, that's right. I live in the middle of nowhere. No, I'm not in the jazzy Copenhagen bit. It is the middle of nowhere in a place called Rural Uland. And yes, there's not that much going on. I mean, we're very excited like post-Covid, the big four are Lego house. thousand. I'm, they they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they. they. they. they. they. they. I. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they're, they're they're they're they're th. they're th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. theei. thei. theiiiiiiiii. thea. theiii. thei. they're Park and the zoo. I mean they're very little to do. Wow Park sounds amazing. I mean you're really setting your stool out if it's just a Ferris wheel,

the like. I know the arrogance. Yeah, wow. That's not very Danish is it? Wow. And how old are your children now? Sorry we didn't get their ages. Yes, I have a little ginger child who no one knows where the ginger hair came from, but he is seven now and my twins are just turned four. So we are busy. Oh, blime me, that is a busy house. Oh, yeah, it's fairly recently then you wrote the book. And you've had about four since.

You're banging out books as a rate of children at the moment. Well there was a stage where I would just writing a book every time I had a baby and then I thought well I want to write another baby like how am I going to do this but yes I think well because I have to be freelance his because my Danish is still terrible and working as a journalist I was a Scandinavia correspondent for the Guardian for a while but actually it's quite hard to react to news stories I'd be asked like can I to news stories, I'd be asked like, can I go and cover a bomb going off in Sweden? And I'd be like, no, I've got a shepherd's pie in the oven. It's very hard to do that once you have a king. Yeah, exactly. Books work quite well for that. So, what you moved over there? You're your Danish is now not brilliant, you say, but presumably you had no Danish, no friends, no family? I mean it was quite a shocker. What's that like? Well, you just sort of, I don't often sort of take big risks with bravado, but I somehow agreed to move here and then and then my husband left to go to work at 7.30 a.m. because the working

day starts at 8 here and ends earlier as well. And I was just sort of in this bleak in the middle of nowhere in January and it was very much like the killing, just forests all around. I thought, what have I done? Yeah, so I think work was a real salvation there of just keeping busy and that helped me meet people as well and like build up friends around here. Of course. Do you genuinely believe that a slightly more relaxed way of life helped you get pregnant? Or do you think it had an impact? Yeah, I definitely think it had an impact because there was I'd been doing all of the things in

London. I'd been you know going to St Mary's hospital and going to Tuting every, you know every week, like three times a week I was having all these appointments whilst trying to fit it in around my really high-powered job and was the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th.. was th. was th. was th. Was th. Was th. Was th. Was th. I was th. I was thrie. I'm th. I'm thrown in thrown thrown in thrown in thrown in th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thin. I'm th. I'm th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thin. I'm thin. I'm the try try try try ttry ttry try ttry try try try thin. I'm thin.then here it was just a different pace of life. However, interestingly, for having the twins, it's very hard to relax enough to get pregnant when you already have a toddler. So that was IVF. So the first one wasn't IVF but the twins were IVF. Yeah. When you got there, did you, what were the main lifestyle changes? Because we talked about this more, it it it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's their, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was just, it was just, it was just, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their, their their their their their their their, their, was, was, their, was, was, was, what were the main lifestyle changes? We talk about this more relaxed way of life, but that's kind of quite a nebulous idea, because all I know currently is that you go to work at ATM, which to me sounds much, much worse. Yes, this is true, but you finish at four and actually the average day... The average day in the the average day in the week, which is so much less than I was used to doing in London.

And they're quite, there's this more of a mentality of you're trusted to do your job and then leave. There's no presentiaism and you know back in many jobs in London, you know, you're pat on the back of your desk at 7 p.m. And that's not the case here. Somebody to do it in Lego and they got a lectureure on a lecture on time on a lecture on time on time on time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time time their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to bea. to be to be to be. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thea. thea. thea. Wea. thea. Wea. thea. We're thea. thea. It's thea. It's in Lego and they got a lecture on time management and a leaflet about efficiency. Oh wow. They love a leaflet, absolutely love a leaflet, last stage of the working day, you leave. Yeah, so there's much more of an emphasis on, you know, you have to leave at four o'clock because everybody works, 80% of mothers' work. You have to pick your kids up from daycare and you know the men and the women tend to be involved in the pickup in making a home cooked meal. Food is very expensive. Eating out is really expensive.

So even before Corona, most people are getting home to cook a family meal each night. So there's just more of an emphasis on doing your work, getting home, having a life, doing lots of hobbies as well. That's big in Denmark. Oh wow. And how was it different? different obviously when you didn't have kids you were there you sort of alone and I find having kids makes you sort of get into the local community more where you know when you're busy doing your own thing you don't really notice but when you've got to find a place room to learn to swim or to find a

nursery and stuff how was it having a baby in that environment was it is it different to how you sell your friends and families with UK? Yeah, yeah for sure it is and there's not really NCT type stuff so I didn't have that ready-made friendship group for for new parents so I did have to go out there and... I'm gonna shock you here Helen it's not a it's not a friendship group. It's people that you are forced to be in a WhatsApp group with until you all decide you don't like each other and never message again. So don't don't be sold this friendship group. There's a reason Danes are more happy and they haven't got NCT. That's the reason. Yeah, so there's a lot of that and there's a lot of sitting around in cafes and yeah, it's quite civilized.

What I did find though is having twins and maybe you've had guests on before who similar experience that you can't actually get to many of the child-related activities because you can't get a double stroller anywhere. So I made some friends, well I had one child, but when you have twins it was impossible. Oh, just because you, the space. I know, I think you can physically buy one, can't you? Or is it just not the space in, it's not? So I measured up, so the Danish pastries, that's another reason they're happier. doorway. I don't know if I believe you now. What? The Danish pastry sounds like you've never moved to Denmark and you're now winging it. They must have actual names the Danish pastries in Denmark, don't they? They're called Wienapol. There's a wiennap, there's one called Baker's Bad Eye because it's got this creamy custard goo in the middle.

Oh wow. Baker's Bad Eye? Sounds like something horrific in Paul, the Baker's Baddye. Sorry to bring the tone down everyone. But so the double stroller, you measured it, there was no space. I measured the doorway to my favorite bakery before I bought the stroller to the bastner the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the bought the stroller to check it was could still fit in. That is commitment to pastry. Yeah, it was a winner. But I found that lots of the baby activities, I just couldn't maneuver it in or I couldn't carry the babies upstairs both at the same time. So it's a shocker. So they would have been,

you would have had a three-year-old and then the twins. Yeah, a very angry red-headed three-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-supea-supea-supea-supea-s. thia-supoomomomba-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-auuuuuuuauuauiiauiauia-a-a-a-a-a-a-s.a-s.a-s.a-s.a-s. tha-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-s three-year-old annoyed at having to share with two babies. Yeah. Yeah. My son's like a little gamer, so yeah, man. Oh is he? He's into gaming already? Yeah, yeah, he's into gaming hard. Yeah. So what's he playing?

At the moment, I bought him a switch, a Nintendo Switch, so he plays, your Mario cards. So is he good? Can you be good at that age? No, I mean I beat him a lot and he cries. But I do it on purpose because like when he gets on my nerves, I'm just like, oh yeah, should we play Mario Car? And he's like, yeah, and then I thrash him like. And the funniest thing is he watches me like totally frash him every single level and he'll wait until the the trophies presented to me and then he'll just start crying. Really? Because I did that try to play the um they've got the Olympics game you know the Mario or Sonic Olympics and with a running and then I let my daughter win her and then she just went mental they can't they can't they the they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they can't they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. tote. tote. tote. tote. tote. the. the. the. the. they're they're they're they're let my daughter win a couple and then I beat her and she just went mental.

That age they cannot deal with losing. And it's just a scream and cry and they have to win every time and you just think, oh my god is my kid going to be an awful person or is it just part of growing up? That is my son. Honest to God, I me than anything. Like he's always like trying to say like, I'm stronger than you daddy like and trying to fight me. And it's just like dude, I will body slam you like, you know what I'm saying? Exactly. They'll say like, you know, I don't know how big he is.

But you're a pretty big guy. You're not a small guy. I think, I'll tha, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th... th body slam him. So play fighting and stuff yeah yeah yeah yeah he loves it man he like always just trying to like punch me up and stamp on me see my five my five-year-old is like that but with like knowledge she's like I know I know I know this because of school I know more than you she obsessed with knowing more than me because she's learned a bit of a school I know thir s'' the their s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s I th I thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. She's thi. She's thi. She's thi. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's the thi. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he. he's he. he's he. he's he. he. he's he. he. he. He. He's he. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's the the thi. He's the thi the teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee's try try try try try try try he's he's he's like like he's he's he's he he school now. I said there was a refraction of the light and she was actually a reflection and then she's banging on at me about what reflection is and I just felt like saying you're fucking wrong. It's so wrong. It sounds similar but she's I know because I go to school and I know and I'll just shut up but they love it doesn't even at fire. Is he in his first year of school then? Yeah he's gonna go into year one this September so he's just finished reception and yeah

he's happy because in his mind I'm gonna be a big boy now dad and it's just like yeah kind of but you still struggle with wiping your bum so I don't know about this big boy stuff you know what I mean this big boy stuff you know so yeah. And you were in North London and you've moved I don't know about this big boy. You know what I mean? This big boy stuff. You know what I mean? So yeah. And you were in North London and you've moved to Hertfordshire, is that right? Yeah, yeah. Was that because of the kids and stuff?

Or was it? Yeah, it was. We were living, it's so weird. So yeah, when I moved from my mom's house in high gate, once I got married. We moved to Enfield and then we spent like maybe like a year and a half then and then you know was fortunate enough to save up enough money. Came to Hartfordshire. So you're in like you're in the countryside? I am I'm there like you know there's a whole bunch of trees outside my yard and sometimes I didn't know the lingo. He's a city boy but he knows all the terms. But he turns out in a country bumpkin all of a sudden. Trees and that. Yeah, trees and that and couple horses and that and sheep and that.

So yeah, man, it's different, man. How did you find it when he was a little when there's an new ball and stuff like that? Was it, did he sleep well or was he a bit of a nightmare? No, he slept well. He slept well. He was good. He was good. Josh is dealing with a very badly sleeping child at the moment. That's a heartbreaking answer. Sorry, bro. The answer is, the answer is you just get a good sleeper or you don't. Yeah, that's the heart a heartbreaking. The heart a heartbreaking heartbreaking heartbreaking heartbreaking heartbreaking heartbreaking heartbreaking heartbreaking heartbreaking heartbreaking. That's a heartbreaking. That's a heartbreaking. That's a heartbreaking. That's a heartbreaking. That's a heart. That's a heart. That's a heart. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. the answer. the answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. the answer. the answer. the answer. the answer. the answer. the answer. the answer. the answer. the answer. the answer. the answer. the answer. the answer. the answer. the answer. the answer. the answer. the answer. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the answer. the answer.'re not. Yeah, that's the hand I've been dealt for the next 18 years. One of my mates, Kane Brown, he's a comic as well. He just told me kiss good, kiss sleep goodbye. That's all he said to me. It was just like forget about sleep. Like you will never get a good night sleep. And I was just like damn. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's the the the their their their their their their their their their. their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's th. It's true. It's true. It's th. It's th. It's th. the the the the the the the the their their their. their. It's their. It's true, it is true, because then when they get older, you don't sleep because you're worrying about them, because they're not in the house.

Oh, I'd take that, Rob. I'd happily lie there worrying. I don't know, you know what. At least I can look at my phone while I do it, mate. At least you can watch a film while you're worrying. At least I'm not getting bad problems, I their their their problems, getting getting bad, getting bad, getting bad, getting bad, getting bad, getting bad, getting bad, getting bad, getting bad, getting bad, getting bad, getting bad, getting bad, getting bad, getting bad, getting bad, getting bad, their problems, their problems, their problems, their problems, their, thoms, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, I'm thi, I'm to to thi, I'd thi, I'd thi, I'd thi, I'd thi, I'd thi, I'd their, I'd their, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I their, I thi, I, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that wife kind of dealt with that side of things, to be honest. I kind of, I did sleep through the crying sometimes when he would wake up. Because he wasn't that bad. He wasn't that bad.

Obviously the odd time here and there was just like, yeah, this child ain't going to sleep. But my son has this annoying habit, yeah? He likes to touch my armpit. I don't know why and I don't know where this comes from and this is true. So what he will do sometimes is more to, if he's not just jumping in the bed and this getting in between me and my wife, sometimes I'll wake up to him scratching my armpits. It's the most random thing. Oh my God, this is so weird. No, honest to God, this is so weird. And I'm like, me and my wife, we googled it.

We were just like, what is this obsession with him holding people's armpits? Could I ask what you Google? What the exact terminology you're googling with Arras. I put, I put Chard's obsession with armpits. Oh my god, what a search! I bet you were so worried, waiting for it to load up. And apparently it's a rare thing. It's not uncommon, but it's rare. And I'm just like, why would it be my son that has to be the rare one? But yeah, apparently, yeah, a few children do this. And would he hold a stranger's armpit?

It depends how comfortable he gets. Like he did it to my mate Nelson. And he just did it so smoothly to the point where my mate turned around and was just like, oh snap! Like, he's holding my armpit. And I couldn't, listen, I was on the floor. Sam Quake, welcome to the podcast. You are our first Olympic gold medalist. Oh, I'm honored, thank you. That is exciting though.

That is such a big achievement that it's sort of, do you get bored of it being brought up or does it still feel good when you hear it? It still feels good. Any opportunity, I on my medal sometimes it still feels good. Any opportunity I'm like oh here's my medal. Have you put your medal on your baby? I actually haven't put it on her. I put it next to her. I took a photo with it because she had like her own little personal portrait photo shoot a few weeks ago. So she actually she actually the gold medals are getting bigger and bigger but bless Molly she makes it look even bigger. She's so small. So what's the setup at home? You've got one child?

Yes, one child who is eight weeks this week. So proper fresh. How are you feeling because I think at eight weeks old I just wouldn't have been able to speak to someone about having it. I'd sew in the in the trenches. But how's it going? It's going really well. I'm blessed to have Tom, who's brilliant. I mean, I'm not great at the best of times without sleep, but he is really stepping up to do some of the night feeds. So I'm actually feeling okay.

The first two weeks are really tough. I think you just got they like, what they don't like, what works, what doesn't work. So I can sit here at eight weeks and say, listen, it's not easy. I don't know, I don't think it's easy for anyone, but I can't complain because she is a star and I've got a good support system. What I like is you do slightly talk, you still talk slightly like you're discussing a run of sporting figles. I'm bad to say that, Josh, that was a classic response from an athlete. That it was emotionless, broken down into what is our goal? How we can attack it. And we're being successful, let's just crack on, you know, it's a new week next week. The boys are happy to change your room.

We'll print out the next spreadsheet. Are you very organized then? Are you sound a very organized, you know, we've had poo splats all over the white wardrobes a number of times, you know, puked filled to clothes and whatnot. Just the standard, I think most parents will probably know what I'm going on about, but I didn't expect it to be what it is. I don't know why. I just, every so often I look at her and I'm like, oh my god, that's that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, th. that's, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, to.e. to. to. too, you. too, too, too, the, the, you. the, the, the, the, the, the both? Both, both because I've always, especially as an athlete, you grow up and you compete, you have to be really selfish.

Even to the point in a relationship, I was very much, it was always about me, what I couldn't go to, what are available to, can I drink, kind of not drink. And then like that was marriage and then just me and Tom, but now I've got a kid. It's like another level of, oh my god, you have to look after this thing who can't do anything for itself. And even just like, I mean I'm expressing, so I feel like a cow that needs to be milk, but because she's getting bigger, she's wanting more milk. And I'm like, oh my god, just even stuff, even stuff like trying to provide milk for a child. P peak. P peac's like a small brand that's popped off in lockdown on Insta and you just haven't got the supply change yet. Well I said to husband I said I'm just pumping milk what we're gonna do with all this

milk and he said I can definitely get some on away on eBay definitely. It was an Olympic gold medalist and we'll make a good game. Gold medal milk the fuel of champions. Very strange piece of sporting memorabilia. I think that will, I think it would sell. Yeah. You say that, but I've been asked for some really weird stuff before. Like from some people wanted my old shoes and socks to, I don't know what they wanted them for. I think I do.

What do you think? You know. Let's not be an eye on about this. This is some sick futs knocking about Sam. Another request as well, someone wanted a recording of me, of me farting through a walkie-talkie. Oh wow. Oh God, that is. The walkie-talk is perhaps the weirdest bit of that. So Josh, actually it's not the weirdest bit of that. So you're eight weeks in, do you feel, do you feel like sleep deprived at all or are you, you seem like you're pretty with it?

It's because I've had a coffee. Honestly, I mean, I used to be a coffee fiend and then obviously cut it down or didn't really have any during pregnancy. So now like when I have a whiff of coffee, I am bouncing off the walls. I bet, yeah, it's like when you don't drink for a while and then you're hammered the the the the walls. I bet, yeah, so when you don't drink for a while and then you're hammered after one pint. Yeah, I've still got that to come actually. I've still got my first drink slash binge drink to come post-pregnant. Yeah, you've not had, have you got anything booked in because as a comedian the first night out of a recent mom is normally pretty hardcore, that is when people really let loose because it's been over a year normally with the pregnancy

and then the baby being small. Have you got that night out books? I've got my good friends Hen Do down in London actually on the 22nd of May, so that's the next, that'll be a big event. Is it the first time you have left your daughter? Um, overnight, yeah. How do you feel? A a little th a little thua a little thia a little thia a little thi a little thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tho tho th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. th. th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the the the the, but then I say that but know me, like as soon as I get a drink in my hand and sun shining,

I'll be like, woo! Yeah. Yeah. Back to school signals a fresh start for students. New classmates, new teachers, new lessons. Change is in the air. But one thing hasn't changed. The forward government still isn't investing in public schools. Six years of cuts mean our students aren't getting

the supports they need. They can't wait another year. If the forward government won't change, it's time to change the government. Our kids are counting on us. Join us at Building Better Schools. A message from the Elementary Teachers Federation of Ontario. or without milk. Visit Nispresso.c.c.a. to learn more, or an espresso boutique near you. Charlie Baker, I'd say comedian, singer, you do jazz, actor, radio hosts. You've got it all. Yeah.

Very average and a loop warmer all of those. But people like that. And it's just, people like that. Someone they like that and it's just, stay warm. Someone early on in my career said, never be hot, just stay warm. Just stay warm. Just stay warm. No, because being hot implies you will cool down. You will cool down.

You know. That's a great, good advice. It's a really good advice. I'd say, I'd say you've got funny bones, oh Charlie, you're a funny person. Thanks. Thanks. Sometimes you don't have, some people manage to get away without having that, but you're a very funny man.

And you've got two children, is that correct? I've got two children, yes, with a nine-year gap in the middle. Oh, what? And how old are they now? 14 which is like it's like living he can probably hear me so I have to be Because I'm not really allowed to talk to him or about him Right so that this is going out as well Charlie so even if you do keep your voice down there is an opportunity for him to hear it for the rest of all time The internet's forever isn't it? Yeah, and no, it's like living at the moment with the staff of a French restaurant in Paris, right? Have you ever been to Paris? Everyone's so amazingly rude that you have to admire it.

You have to absolutely go, that isn't some unbelievable rudeness there. But you also get like the matried at the front who is amazingly charming. So some days he'll come down and it'll be like the matried he'll be here. Like the most charming person you've met in your life is an absolute joy to have him in the house. Absolutely beautiful and then he'll ask for like 20 quid or something and it'll be fine but you know, you're like, and then sometimes it's like having that rude waiter who doesn't speak to you, just looks at you like you're an absolute idiot, just does not want to speak to you ever again. Don't embarrass me in front of my friends, you know all those things. And then some really peak is hate in Dan. And then you get the, they're like the like, the like, the like, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the, like, the, the, like, the, the, the, the, the, the, like, like, like, like, the, is, is like, is like, is like, is like, is like, is like, is like, is like, is like, is like, is like, is like, is like, is like, is like, is like, is like, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is like, the, the, the, the, like, like, the, the, like, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, like, the, like, their.. He. He. He. their. the, like, like, like, like, the, like, the, like, the like executive chef full Gordon Ramsey. You are a bastard.

I like you. Just absolute, absolute. And then at the end of it, just a beautiful, sometimes a great big cuddle. Or you know, I'm sorry dad, and we have a big cuddle and I love you. And then we sit and watch the football, you know, and then it's all lovely again, then have cheese on toast, you know. but that's, but that's, but that's, but, but, but, but, but, but that's, but, but that's, but that's, but that's, but that's, but that's, but that's, but that's, but that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, th. they, they, thi, thi, th. th. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, they..................................... they. they. the the the the the the the the they, they. they. they. they. they. the the the they. the the the the the the the the, the the, the the, the the, the the, the the the the the football, you know, and then it's all lovely again, and have cheese on toes, all have cheese on toast, you know.

But that's what it's like living with a teenager. Can I just say the highlight of your relationship with your son is you have cheese on toast sometimes? No. No, but everyone warns you, everyone, everyone warns you and you think, I can't cope, I can't cope, I can't cope, I can't cope, I can't cope, I can't cope, I can't cope, I can't cope, I can't cope, I can't cope, I can't cope, I can't cope, I can't cope, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, the, the their, the, the, the their, the, the, the their, the their, the their, the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their highhigh., their highlight, their highlight, their highlight, their their their their their, their their the in the arts my whole life, I've seen, you know, moody people. It's unbelievable because you can't, first few times you can't believe the rudeness and you can't believe the speed of it. It's like a sort of shark, I've never been attacked by a shark. I imagine it's quite fast.

I can't help but feel that you'd be having cheese on to to the shark after this girl. Do you take it to heart if to heart if to heart if to heart if to heart if the the to to the the their their their their the for the shark after this girl. Exactly. Do you take it to heart? I take it to heart if it's at my wife or our five-year-old daughter. If it's at me, if it's at me, I can sort of just take it and go, okay, that's all right. Yeah, that's all right. But if it's rude, if it's rude, my one rule is, don't be rude to mum. And it's if it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's rude, if it's rude, if it's rude, if it's rude, if it's rude, if it's rude, if it's rude, if it's rude, if it's rude, if it's rude, if it's rude, if it's rude, if it's rude, if it's rude, if it's rude, if it's rude, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, if it's, to, to, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. th. th th thi. to th to to to to to to to to to to to rude to mom. And it's like if it's, and then I will, I will suddenly go, you know, and I'm a pretty, I would say I'm a 50-50 parent, 50%. You know, do you know that? You haven't got full custody. Sorry to go to football again. Have you ever seen that quote that sometimes may be good,

sometimes maybe shit? You ever seen that? Yeah, yeah. Who's that? I don't know. It's an Italian football. It's Cattuso. It's Catoo. Yeah, yeah. He's a manager. They go, what it, and they ask him, what do you think of his defense? And he goes, I don't know, sometimes maybe good, sometimes maybe sheets.

And that is wife will give me like a little tip, like of how to deal with something, and I'll do that tip, and I'll go, I am brilliant at this. I am absolutely brilliant at this. Well, I have you got examples of when it's gone wrong and then when you've nailed it. Well, it's always, she's really good at just pick your battles, that is the key with a teenager. Pick your battles and just don't try and be their friend. It's just letting a lot of stuff go.

You just have to let a lot of stuff go. Take the frozen amendment and just let it go. Because it's like, you're not going to win because the argument is not lucid. It's not, they don't mean it. It's pure emotion. And hormones as well. the the the the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thrown, thrown thrown thrown, thi, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown thrown thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, don't thi, don't thi, don't thi, don't thi, don't thi, don't thi, don't thi, don't thi, don't thi, don't thi, don't thi, thi, thrown, thin, thin, thin, thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, thr. thrown,'s not, they don't mean it, it's pure emotion. It's just pure emotion. And hormones as well at that. Oh yeah, yeah, exactly. And he's growing he's nearly taller than me now. What, it's five, five? Kids are bigger though, aren't they? They are bigger now, aren't they?

I think we're getting smaller. I am getting, I am getting smaller, but, but they are massive now, these kids walk because we live on a high street and so the kids walk home from school and they are, they are all six foot plus. It is unbelievable. They are massive now. I think, you know, like a hard nut from school, I think a hard night year eight could beat me up. Oh, definitely. Well actually, sometimes like Stan plays in a football these these these these these these these these these these the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they are they're they're they are massive, they are massive, they are massive, they are massive, they are massive, they are they are they are they are, they are, they are, they are, they are, they are, they are, they are, they are, they are, they are, they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are th. They are th. I th. I th. They are th. I they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are, Yeah. Well, actually, sometimes, like, Stan plays in a football team. He's a keeper, and he, goalkeeper? He's a goalkeeper, yeah, but like,

one of the hard lads in his year plays in this team, right? And I like, and I like, and I like, I like him, I don't have to be scared of him. No, no, no, no, but this is the thing. I'm just trying to temper what I say because I like it, but not when he takes my cheese on tea. No, but, no, the thing is right, it is the thing, you know he's like the hard lad and the year, right? And if he turns up in your house, it's like, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, to, to, the, the, the, the, to, the, the, the, the, the, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, he, no, no, he, no, no, he, no, he, no, no, he, no, no, no, he, no, no, he, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, oh god, oh no, because he's just genuinely hard, you know, like. It's like when you go to the pub and someone introduced you to their really hard mate and you have to, you're a bit scared even though it's a bit nice. You just know.

Yeah, yeah. You're like embarrassed that you put marmot on this cheese on this cheese on t beer. Um... If you want some. That's it for this special best of episode. We'll be back next week. If you're not in the queue and you are waiting, then step to the side. He got in touch, you said, yeah, sorry, mate, you didn't seem like yourself the other day. You've only met me three times. The self-service checkouts. I don't care what you're called. I'm not getting tricked into working here. People at festivals in those stupid jester hats. I glanced at a tampon.

Two pounds toxine for a bottle of water. Why is your Wi-Fi code? Social media characters love starts guiding you. to the threats. What's upset you now? I'm Paul Moul. And I'm Paul. I'm Paul. I'm Paul. I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I'm Paul. I'm Paul. I'm Paul. I'm the the the the th. I'm the th. I'm thathe. I'm th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I. I. I. I. I trike. I. I. I. I. I tri. I. I tri. I tri. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm tri. I'm tri. I'm tri. I'm tri. I'm tri. I'm tri. I'm tri. I'm tri. I'm t. try. t. try. try. try. try. I'm not try. I'm not try. I'm not tri. I'm not t now? I'm Sean Walsh. And I'm Paul McCaffrey. We are the hosts of What's Upset You Now. The UK's Angriest Podcast. And we are back for Series 5. Bullyear. We all love a good moan, don't we? And Sean, mostly, are two of the best in the absolute business. And every Tuesday and Thursday, we moan about all those thoes tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thoes thoes thoes and their thoes and thoes and their things that really get our go. We also have guests. What guests have we had Sean? We have

had Romish Ranganathan, Rob Beckett, Mark Lamar, Joe Brand, Catherine Ryan, Tom Allen 15 minute episodes every Tuesday and Thursday brand new what's upset you now series five out now. Oh for God's sake. Josh you fancy you going for a beard maybe like the 14th of April? Can't do the 14th of April Rob. How come comes? We're doing the Parenting Hell Arena tour at Manchester Arena. Oh, okay. How about the 19th of April? Oh no I can't do that. I'll be doing the Parenting Hell Live Tour in Nottingham. Cardiff Arena. Cardiff. Ardiff? the 1st. 21st? Oh. I I I I I I I I I. I. th. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. th. th. Oh. th. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. th. I th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the 20th of April. Cardiff Arena, Parenting Hell Live, Cardiff Arena. 21st? 21st of April? No, I can't do that either.

London, O2. 27, 23rd of April? I can do the 22nd, we've got a day off. Ah, 23rd. Yes, yes, Wembley. What about the 28th of April? I'm in Birmingham. Yeah, but we'll just have a drink afterwards. Yeah, should we do that? Yeah, that'd be nice. We need to plug the live tour by the way. Oh yeah, yeah, there's a live tour of Parenting Hill,

and I cannot wait. It's genuinely going to be an absolute thrill to do. And, do you know what it would make? The perfect Christmas present. I'm a stay present, exactly. See you there! Hello, Tom Allen here. And Susie Ruffel. We have a podcast called Like Minded Friends. It's very much a celebration of, I don't know, what would you say, Sue's being queer? Being queer, but also chit chat.

There's loads of straight people that love it. So I think that you should come along and listen to it. There's something for everybody. It's to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. So why don't you listen to it? Search, like mind of friends, wherever you get your podcasts. That sounded quite professional, didn't it? Mmm. From the Box is the TV podcast that goes behind the scenes of the nation's favorite shows, including Coronation Street, Emmerdale, Hollyoaks,

Andy Stenders. You know, it was literally we couldn't sort of go anywhere, we was, you know, without being recognised. I'm Lee Salisbury and I directed the shows and the stars in them. On this podcast, I delve where no one else has been. Well, I mean, you can listen to over 70 episodes right now, with stars including Sue Johnston, Glynis Barber, Denise Well Sid O'Enneau, and Danny Monogue. No more, no more. In this week's episode I chat to the star of one of the biggest Christmas films of all time. Hi I'm

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