Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - Now That's What I Call Parenting Hell - Volume 8

Episode Date: July 21, 2023

You're simply the best (of)..... While we're on a very short break to sort a bit of summer and school holiday life admin, here's a hand crafted selection of some of the finest tales and advice from the Parenting Hell podcast archives. Each one a guaranteed banger... (We'll be back for series 7 next week. Yes, this Tuesday, so fear not...) See you salty street dogs next week... Thanks, Rob, Josh, and Michael. xxx TRACK LIST: 1 - MICHAEL McINTYRE (SERIES 3 EP28)  Kicking things off, it’s Michael McIntyre’ take on kids and electronic device management…  2 - HARRIET KEMSLEY (SERIES 4 EP10)  Harriet Kemsley shares her husband’s unconventional approach to managing midwives… 3 - GUZ KHAN (SERIES 5 EP16) Guz Khan on why it’s important to get kids to compete to be the favourite, and lovingly equates parenthood to prison… 4 - SOPHIE ELLIS-BEXTOR (SERIES 3 EP36) Sophie Ellis-Bextor talking about all the fun of the school run… 5 - JOSH PUGH (SERIES 4 EP44) Josh Pugh talks holidays and hen dos with a newborn… 6 - ESTHER MANITO (SERIES 4 EP34) New mum Esther Manito discusses secretly starting stand-up… 7 - MARTINE MCCUTCHEON (SERIES 3 EP46) Martine McCutcheon discusses with Rob and Josh how dogs prepare you for parenthood…  8 - HARRY HILL (SERIES 3 EP34)  And finally, Harry Hill reveals how he handled having teenage daughters… If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] TWITTER: @parenting_hell INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Winnockham. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week we're chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're they're tha th hearing from you the listener with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing.

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still isn't investing in public schools. Six years of cuts mean our students aren't getting the supports they need. They can't wait another year. If the forward government won't change, it's time to change the government. Our kids are counting on us. Join us at Building Better Schools. A message from the Elementary Teachers Federation of Ontario. Welcome to our home. It's maybe a bit long to spend with people we barely know. I guarantee you won't want to leave. Speak no evil is filled with teeth clenching. Seek clenching.

Seek clinging. Something's not right with him. I've always wanted to family like yours. James McEvoy will scare you speechless. We're going just sad to to to to to to to to to to just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just to to to to to to Oh! We're going to kill us. We're just sad to see you go. Speak no evil. Only in theater is now. Hello I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Whitakum. And you're listening to now that's what I call parenting hell. How does it feel that as well because in your book you've wrike about when you first had your kids, you weren't as successful as you are now and things haven't really properly kicked off and stuff. So how is it now?

Like do they do they remember that period when there wasn't the success and money and stuff compared to like now? And do you remind them or how does it work? Or they just they always just used to the lifestyle? the life the life? the life. the lifestyle. the lifestyle. the lifestyle. the lifestyle. the lifestyle. the lifestyle. the lifestyle. the lifestyle. the lifestyle. the lifestyle. the lifestyle. the lifestyle. the lifestyle. the lifestyle. the lifestyle. the lifestyle. the lifestyle. their their their their their their they're just just just they's they's they's they's they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their. they're their. their. their. they're they're they're they're their. they're they're they're they're they're they're their. their. they're their. their. their. their. their. to tttttttttttttto. to. to. to. tto. to. ttoday. tttoday. today. they're really really really. they're really. they're they're just used to the lifestyle I have now. Well, they're very grounded. And it's hard to me to say that they've got a normal lifestyle as you look at me sitting in my son's office on this desktop computer, Apple Mac. Yeah, I don't know, they're very grounded. I'm just very lucky, I think, because they're just, they're good boys. I'm not just saying that, they are. I think that's the aim and I'm glad it's happened and I'm all credit to my wife who's just a really lovely person and an amazing mom, but they've just become kids and now they're just like, they are like mates. I mean they're just, they're nice. I mean occasionally we'll have a flaming row, which I'm not very thi. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thr- I'm thr- I'm thr- I'm thr- I'm thr- I'm tho- I'm all all all all all all tho- I'll tho- I'll the all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the th th th th th th th th th th thr-I thr-I thr-I thr-I thr-I thr-I thr-a' thre-co' thre-credit, threa' thro' thr-a' thr-a' thr-I thr-I ththings kick those off? What's the big like bugbear? A lot of it is to do with the you know devices. There's a lot of the, because it's hard to

discipline your child when you're also doing the thing you're telling them not to do. Yeah. Yeah, of course. We've got this thing where we shout when someone's on their phone their phone will shouts, phone, phone, their, their, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, their, thi, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, their, their, their, thi's they's thi's their, their, their, they's thi's their, their, thi, thi, everyone's on their phone at the table and one person notice they go full house! I mean you try it into a game. That's a good game that. That's a great game. The only time I don't look at my phone is on a Monday when I get my weekly screen time report. It's the only time I can't bear to look. Oh my god I'm up 17 percent. I mean my son my teenager. He goes to sleep to sleep to sleep to sleep to sleep to sleep to sleep to sleep to sleep to sleep to sleep to sleep to sleep to sleep the to sleep the to sleep to sleep the the the to the the the the the the the the their. their. th. I th. I th. I their. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm a that. I'm a that. I'm a. I'm a. I'm a. I'm a. I'm a. I'm a. I'm a. I'm a. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm a. I'm a. I'm a th. I'm a th. I'm a th. I'm a th. I'm a t. I'm a t. I'm a t. I'm a t. I'm. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a teenager, he goes to sleep looking at his phone and in a way I think it's bad, but then, you know, I always used to go to sleep things, the radio when I was younger or watching TV. I mean, it's just what young people do. I don't know if you do this, but I want my phone so much.

Sometimes at night, I'm scrolling through my phone and then I'll fall asleep and I'll drop the phone on my face, which then wakes me up and I just carry on phone. And the same thing happens to my son, we know he's asleep when we hear a clunk on the thing because he drops his phone out of the bed and I'll turn to my wife and go, oh that's Lucas, he must have nodded off. He's put the phone out of it and bang onto the thing. So we argue. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thathe. th. thathe. the same. thathe same. the same. the same same same same same. And the same same same. And then. And the same same same same. And the same same same. And the same same. And the same same. And the same same same. And the same same. And the same. And the same. And the same. And the same. And the same. And the same. And the same. And the same. And the same. And the same. And the same. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thin, th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And tha same same same thing. And the same same same same thing. And the same same same same same. And the same. And of it down. Bang onto the thing. So we argue a lot about that. Get off the phone, get off the computer. It's always on, you know, I mean, we lie to ourselves, don't we as parents. I don't know if yours do any of this stuff now with the gaming. You convince yourself that it's, you know, that it's social because they're people. Is it fortnight and stuff like that?

Yeah, fortnight, I think, luckily he's gone off fortnight. For a bit, he was completely addicted to fortnight and that was quite intense. And apparently you can't pause it. And then he explained, the only way to come out of the game is to kill yourself. So I would say to them you'vethen he explained, the only way to come out of the game is to kill yourself. And then there was a period of time when every dinner time, my wife and I would shout up the stairs and go, Ozzy, kill yourself, it's dinner.

What kind of a life is this? Shoot yourself. thi tooose. I've been in your family home and it's a proper family home as well. That's kind of, you know when you imagine like a big comedian who plays the O2, you imagine like it could be a soulless kind of existence, but it's a proper lovely family home and do you try and create that? Because it seems just so nice and so your life seems very pleasant Michael. No it does and I'm sorry to tell you we've now moved into a vast soulless house. Let me just call my wife on the intercom and see when lunch is ready. Yes it's the same for everybody

isn't it I mean I mean we're living our family lives this is why we can do what we do because we are thankfully all living the same lives. When I go and talk about my life and you talk about your lives, the audience relate to it. And I've been asked that question a lot of ever since you become successful. It's like, can you think of anything funny to say that people can relate to? I mean, obviously there are certain things that I experience that I don't you know I don't have a lot of private jet material for example I mean I do but I can't share it it's got a niche crowd that one but no those days are over

how it will go though the baby like you and Bobby enjoying it or is it still that mad no sleep stage you know what I actually am enjoying it I am I think I heard so many bad things about it beforehand and I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I'm definitely very tired and it's like this is it's just going to be horrific and you just have to to to definitely very tired and it and so just to confirm you are you're not you're not in the doubt about that you know no I'm very tired and what's mad is it just you think like being pregnant I was really tired and then you have the baby and there's no break in between

and you really think there should be a break but there's not you just go straight into it I just give them birth surely yeah take the baby away from weeks which is just take the baby for a second so I can have a little recoup and straight in let me please and but you're straight in and I'll clean myself up and have it sit down exactly wow how was the birth oh oh tho oh oh the tho tho th oh god it was th th th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho the the the the tho tho the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho the the the th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theee the the the the to sit down. Exactly. Oh wow, how was the birth? Oh God. It was fine. What happened was I did all of these like hypnotherapy things and read all these books and everyone was like whatever you do, just do it naturally and it'll be fine. I watched a video of a woman having a lovely birth and I was like, oh, that's what I'll try and do and tho tho... And th. And th. And th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they. th. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. I'm, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. and do. And then I, they were like, oh you have to get induced because there was a

slight problem with the umbilical cord but like everyone had told me and all these things like don't get induced it will hurt more it's like birth for the baby all this stuff but of course as soon? Yes it's a bit more than that Rob. What do they do? Because I don't know. Yeah that's fair enough. I've never been induced. I've never been induced. And I don't feel right Googling it. We should give it a go sometime. Okay I'll get on YouTube. I've actually been inducing some women just to find out what it is to be more informed for the pod. Yeah it's good good feminist move. It's no that was actually the worst bit so they they put this thing and it was actually it was quite lovely to begin with because it was like it was near Christmas we were at St. Thomas's

so you're like me and Bobby went for a walk along the South bank it was the the the the th and it th and it the th and it was th and it was the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to to to to to to the the to the the the the to the to the the the th. the th. th. I I I. the th. I was the th. the th. the. the the the. the. the the. the. the. the the. the. I the. I was. I Bobby went for a walk along the South Bank. It was lovely. And then I went to sleep. The midwives were so nice and it was all good. And then the next, I started to wake up in the night with contract, they were like, it's going to take three to five days. You're going to be here. I packed for literally a week. But then I started to get contractions quite quickly and the midwife in the, well, like within like 12 hours and then the midwife in the morning was like, oh you're contracting like

twice in 10 minutes, like it looks like it's on its way. And then that midwife disappeared and I think they were quite... What a puff of smoke? Yeah, she just, I don't, maybe I was just, maybe I don't know. You never saw her again? Never saw her again. So she disappeared and then I think they were kind of staff and it was all quite stressful so I was like, don't worry, I've got this and I was timing myself and then I called Bobby at like 1030 and I was like because he had to go home and I was like come back, it's on, I'm in the time frame it's all good. But then there was a new midwife and she turned up and she and then she wasn't really paying attention and I was like I'm very I'm very much in labor now and she was like cool see you later and then she came back I was I really could do with some

kind of pain relief or something she was like I'll go get a parasitimal and then she disappeared from a parasitimal yeah yeah so you know how Someone get her a greater capacity will, yeah, she's struggling. Please. So yeah, then they were kind of like, oh yeah, maybe something is, but they had, I still had the pettery thing and that's the thing with the induction and that was actually the most painful thing. It like, I don't know what happened, babe. They really, they say, they they they they they to, to, they're, to, they're, to, they're, they're, they're, they're, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, th, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, th, th.. They, th. They, th. They, th. They, th. They, th. They, th. They, th. They, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. So, th. And, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they, they, they, they, they, they're, they say that about labor. They do, yeah, they do. And they had to try and get that out first,

but I was like, I was like, it was all really stressful. It went mad in there for a bit. And then Bobby fired the midwives. He fired them. Yeah. So it actually was the right choice because it was all getting really intense. And they were kind of yelling at me a little bit and it was really mad and then he was like look you guys just need to step outside for a minute because I like couldn't speak and so they left but then the problem and then we were like yeah this is great we're in control

but then the problem was we didn't have a midwife. Sorry Harry you were trying to get Bobby your husband to deliver your boyfriend and no offence to Bobby I don't think I'd I I I I I I'd the the the the the the th. th. th. th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. th. th. th. th. thin thin thin thin' the. the. they were they were they were they were they were they were they were the. they were they were they were they were they were they were they were just just just they were just just just they were just just just just just just just just just just just. the the the the the Bobby. they were they were they were they were they were the Bobby. they were the Bobby. the Bobby. the Bobby. the the the the the the the the the the the th. I was thin. I was thin. I was thin. I was thin. I was thin. the. I was theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. th. theeeeeeeeeeeeee. they were they were they were they were they were they Bobby I don't think I'd let him deliver a letter no no that's very fair yeah that is fair but to be fair they were all shouting at me and it was really intense they were just like breathe breathe breathe and I was like I'm trying to breathe and he was like he could just tell that I was really upset because they were trying to get this thing out and it really hurt and he was like they were they they th th th th they were th th th they were th th th th they were th th th th th they were th th th th th they were th th th they were th they were the the the they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were try try. try try try try try try. try try try. try try. try. try try try try try try to they were they were they were's fair enough and I kept saying can we have the other midwife back and they were like no she's gone so yeah then we didn't have a midwife for a while so it was a little bit stressful and then the head midwife was like you should have a midwife and we were like that's not fair comment head you would say that

you would say that wouldn't you? You and your cronies. It's a racket. They're running a racket here. Is that only the midwife deliver the babies around it? What's going on? This other midwife was on her lunch. And when she finished her lunch, she came and she realized quite quickly that I was very much giving birth. And so then I gave birth. And Bobby kept trying to go down to that end. And I was like, the the the the the the baby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi, their tho, tho, thooooomoomorrow, thoooomorrow, thooomorrow, thoooomorrow, thoomorrow, thoooomorrow, thi. thi. to go down to that end and I was like, stay up here apparently at one point I grabbed him by the shirt and was like, stay at this end. And then, but then the baby started to come out and I was like, what does it look like? And then he was like, oh, let's just wait and see what happens.

He said she's just like an that's not what you want is it? Yeah, exactly. I was like what? He's like, I don't know, we'll just wait a minute. Let me have to look at the full thing before I give you an appraisal. Yeah, just give me a minute. The individual that changed my life was my daughter, Sophia Khan, and she was born 11 years ago and then Nobed arrived quite quickly after that was, that was, he's nine. Then the other Nobed came, E7, and then there's a new one, he's only two, and he was on the cusp of being like his sister, but unfortunately he's ended up like his dad and his brothers, so that's

the third Nobbe, who's two. So three boys, nine and below, and one incredible young woman who's 11. Do you have a favorite? Do you have a favorite? Do you know what? Okay. It is, he's, he's a the the the thing, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, okay, he's, okay, he's, okay, he's, okay, I I I I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, he's, he's, the, the, the, the, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he. He. He, he. He, he, he, he. He, he. He, he, he, he. He, he. He, he, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, is, is, the. the. the. the. the. the. th. the. th. the. the. the. th. the, he's, he's, he's,? Okay, here's the thing, okay? I know I've presented that as like, your Sophia is the beacon of everything. But you know, on a day-to-day basis, like somebody, like, it's like a horse race. Someone becomes a favorite every day by doing something silly or something funny or swearing at a neighbor. And like, you know what I mean?

That's the interchange, but I'm very honest with him. I always sit them down regularly and say, look, man, some days your dad loves you more than others, and today's you. And I think it's very important for character to me, but they know that. There's four kids there. Do they interact well? with like just the day like what taught me through getting up. So you're up in

the morning you're up quite early so Sophia is now she's it's the best part of parenting she's self-sufficient any yeah what she's doing but she goes be brushing her own teeth toe if it doesn't fall in the toilet there's none of that drama about finding the spare toothbrush like we get with athe younger lot. So she's very self-sufficient. Breakfast sorts herself out. Yeah, it's good vibes. She's got music, Khan, she's doing her team. She's basically just like a flat share. She's just like a lodger. She's like a very mature lodger. Yeah. She needs to get reminded to like change the socks and actually a bit of a tramp when it comes to that. But apart from that, she's Sam. So the other the other the other the other the other two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two the other two the other two the other two two the other the other the other the other th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. that, she's Sam. So the other three, two of them share a bedroom. And then you know they're up because like things start, like loud bangs on the floor.

So that's yay and wiggi, yay and wig on a mad one. The littlest one, he's still between me and his mom, bed. Right. He refuses to leave but to be honest with you, me when we were miss was talking about this a day, we're now used to that settled pretty much since Sophia so we've always had one little weirdo stopped between us like for 11 years yeah. Yeah 11 years on the boughs broo even when you try and shift a kid out in between those periods there's always one little pervert that opens a door in the night like, oh dad what's th th th th th th th the th the th.. the th. the the th. th. th. 11 th. 11 th. 11 th. 11 th. 11 th. 11 th. 11 th. 11 th. 11 th. 11 th. 11 th. 11 th. 11 th. 11 th. 11 th. 11 th. 11 th. 11. th. th. th. th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We're th. We're th. We're th. th. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to to t. to tttttry. to to to tttry. that opens the door in the night like, oh dad, what's going on dad? I can't sleep man, so you can't be getting up to men anyway, so you know what I mean? Well you've had a good go at it, you've got four, he must have found some time. Yeah, fuck, you've got to get it in, not me, be able to be able to say, all all all all all all all all all all, oh, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, oh, like, like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, so to to to to to be like, so to be like, so to be like, so to be like, so to be like, so to be like, man, man, man, man, so to be like, so to sleep, so to sleep, so to sleep, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, so me, some, some, some, so, so, to be like, to be like, so, to be like, to be like, to be like, to be, to be like, so, so, to to to to to to to to to at all four of them on the run of it, what it's like on

a daily basis, our lives do revolve around them, but I want to say in a positive way here, like it's really fun for us. Like it is, it's a mission every day, but me and I sometimes get a bit of quiet time. It's like, you look at me and she'll be like, you're like, you're right, thank you, let's get back to the kids. So they're good for us, they're a great balance for us. What do you think it's going to be like when you, like can you remember what it was like when you were a couple, just the two of you? How long ago does think for her, she was kind of like, is my mate. It was never a lovely W between her, any it. So we were always mates, which was really important. So she was like, my mate might go to prison for a while. So she was used to that. And instead, she ended up in prison with her mate and just banged out four kids. So, you know,

we're kind of in a version of prison because I go to work, she goes out and sees family and mates and stuff for a bit, but then both of us are like quite intensely back with the kids. But what life was like before that, I don't know, to go through that, I suppose why it's not that much of a change is my family set up since I was a kid is, our houses are always being busy in it. When I go back to carve to and I crack the front door in my house will be like three nieces and nephews of mine who are very close to me, like super close. My sister will be floating about, you know, one of her mates will be floating about the house. So for us kind of like

we're always used to like go go go and I'm really bad at being like, I'm really bad at being like twiddling my thumbs on me own like what should I do here I always need like somebody about to have a laughing or feel happy so I suppose in that sense she's from a big family yeah I'm from a really big family it's just like it's all I've ever known do I mean yeah is her family in Coventry as well yeah because that's the thing like what used to be a teacher didn't you the the to to to the to the to to to the to to the to the to the to the to the to to to the the the to the to the to the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I their their try. I try. I try. I try. I try. I try. I try. I'm try. I try. I try. I that's the thing like, what used to be a teacher, didn't you? And then you sort of broke through, but your rise to sort of success and being, you know, so busy with comedy and acting was quite quick. So you've gone from that setup with, you probably had a two-year-old daughter, you're a teacher, you're doing a few videos online, you're doing a few, thaghiiiiiiiiiiiiii, thagee and thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to to to sort to sort of to sort of a to sort of a to sort of a to sort of sa, so sa, so sa, so sa, so sa, so sa, so sa, so sa, so sa, so sa, so sa, so sa, so sa, so sa, so sa, so sa, so to sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort to to to to to to to to to to to to sa, so to to to to thi., to to to to too, to too, too, to to to to to to to to to to to to to holidays. And then all of a sudden now you're flying around the world, filming stuff.

Your life's changed quite a lot. Do you feel that's impacted on you as a dad and the kids? Because you're physically not there enough. Luckily, she's got support around her, your partner. But how's it for you not being there as regularly as you were in such a short amount of time. So it's kind of mad, bro, when I really think about it, we had, we just had our third, when I first ever tried like a funny video or whatever. So we were already quite into the parent, and I remember like thinking when I was teaching,

like I love the fundamentals of being a teacher, interacting with the kids, and you know, they weren't really used to having a teacher was from their background, like in club it was quite a tough area. So all of that stuff was going on but I was thinking shit man if I keep teaching this is going to kill me because it's so intense it's like you finish work but then you're marking books till 2 a.m. It was killing me but I always tried to like mental maintain this family balance and so when this stuff kicked off and things started coming in. I I I I I I I I I. I. I.. th. their. th. their. their. th. th. their th. their their their th. th. thi. thi. their their thi. thi thi they they they they they thi. It's they they're thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're try. I's try today. I's try. I'm today try today try try try today try. try try I was quite aware that I wanted to grab on when I could and take them with me. So if it was like, oh, you're filming in Europe for three months on the bounds, I'd just generally speak to the school and be like, look, you know what my organization's like it, shit, you've seen me coming for the today, their today's, I........ So, I, thininin',. And, to be, to be, thin, to be, thin, thin, to be, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, their, their, their, their, their, so, so, so. they. they. they. they. they. th. So, you, you're, you're, you're, you, you, you, so, so. So, so, so. So, you, you, so. So, you, you, so. So, you, so. So, you, you. So, you. So. So, you. So, you. So, you. So, you. So, you. So, you. So, you. th. th. th. th. t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t through the school gates in the morning. I've got this new job, I've got this new life. Do you reckon you can let the kids come with me for a bit? And they'd be like, they were really good.

Schools were good. They were like, you know what, we will, but if he goes beyond this, we'll have to find you. So I always took a bit traffic in my mind they just don't. This is not building in an extra tax. Yeah exactly bro. Exactly. Miller Light the light beer brewed for people who love the taste of beer and the perfect pairing for your game time. When Miller Light set out to brew a light beer they had to choose great taste or

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Paris Fury on soon which I think may beat your record but you will hold the record. Five five children is that correct Sophie? That's correct the last head count five. Five. All boys right? Yes. What ages have you got? What ages have you got? My eldest is 17 and my youngest is two? Oh wow. That's a lot of kids hope. So is there a big gap between the youngest and the others or is it all just spread out quite evenly? There's five years between the first two and then three years for the next four. Oh wow. I got into a bit more of a rhythm. Like a conservative election year, just sort of five years then three three three. How is that now? Because it? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I, that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that's that's that? that's that's that's a that's a that's that's that's that's that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's? that's? that's? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's th. that's a the. the. the. the. that's a the. the. the. the. the. the. the. that's a that's a that's a that's a the. the. of five years in 3-3-3. How is that now? Because it must be, you're doing two things over 17-year-old and a two-year-old. You've got a completely two different things to parent.

I mean, my youngest started nursery the same week. My eldest had his first driving lesson. So you do get those parallels quite often. Did he drop him off? It would be th be but I think I quite like all that I quite like the juxtaposition of all the age guy for me it makes things I mean sometimes it's easier I guess if they're closer together but sometimes there's a nice balance that comes with having lots of different stuff going on all the time yeah do you do like 50 50 50 of the parenting or is it one more than another? How is it, how do you divvy out? Because it must be more stressful with more kids or once you've got five it you're all

bunched in together is it? Uh, well, I don't know. I mean, no, it's quite exponential. I think when I had went from one to delegate, it really dawned on me, like, oh, it's not like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the the the, the work. Yeah. There's more to delegate and I think I'm a bit of a control freak with the admin side so I do like kid admin so and obviously now that there's a lot of them that's a lot of stuff to get through. That's mental load I think that's not known as in the in the game in it we've been told that. Mental load stuff. Yeah, knowing where they've got to be what they've got to do at all times and that kind of stuff. But not maybe and then he made him or the physical moving them there and taking

him there stuff. I mean like Richard it wouldn't be that unusual for him to get their ages wrong or the eight the year that they're in at school. Okay, fair enough. Correcting. I'm kind of to kind of to speed up up up up up to speed to speed to speed to speed to speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed to speed to speed to speed to speed to to speed to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to. What question? Five kids? What's the car sitch? So? Well, so we have, we've got a Chrysler, like an old beat up, old car, Chrysler, that's a seven-seater that we use when he needs to a family trip. And does that get car seats in as well? But now you're probably not a car seat stage as well. Yeah, that's a that's a that's a car, it th, it, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thy thy thy thy thia. It's thatatzey thatze, thatzea, thatzea, thia. thatzea, thatzea, thia thia thia thia thia thia thia thia. Well, theea, thasea, thaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseasease, thase, thase, thase, thase, thase, thase, thase, thase, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that that that that that that that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's fine. Voyager? Is it the Voyager? Yes, exactly. Chrysler Voyager, yes.

Gosh, such a geyser. Rob Moonlights is a traffic police officer and he's just double checking that you're not breaking any rules. No, but my dad was obsessed with cars and he always wanted a big one to get us all in because I've got four brothers. So across the Voyager is that was a lot of chat about that in the Ford Galaxy as options for seven cities. Yeah it's a big it's quite a nice van but it's a basically a van with seats in, isn't it? That's exactly what it is. And then we go from that practical and then down to the sort of impractical which is it's actually being fixed to the moment. We have a tuktook. Well a motor one or a bicycle one? It's a motor, yeah, so it's electric, but yeah, it's basically got like, it's like a trike.

So you've got like a motorbike type bit of the toter and then you can fit three in the back so that's good for the primary school and the nursery drop-off. What's the go? What's it look like? I'm trying to go, so is it, what's the same colours as the Mumbai Tuk-Took, so it's yellow and black. Yellow and black so you get three in the back. Wow. Is that, do you know what it's called? So I can see it. If you Google, Mumbai Tuk-Took. Just the Mumbai. It's a one that you've been imported over. Wow. It's a one that you've a one the one the one the one the one the one the one the one th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's th. It's a th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's the th. the th. th. the the th. th. thi. th. the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. over? Yeah, so there's well basically Richard and I went to Delhi, it must be about four years ago now, for a Save the Children trip actually.

And we traveled around a lot in these tuktooks and as a sort of choke he said, oh these should be quite good for the school run. And then when I got back to the hotel I realized that there was took-took-took-took-tok-t I'm important he's in Chester and he imports them so yeah we I was hoping you were going to say that you driven one back from India that would have been the ultimate story my postman asked me if it was the one from the groove jet video which I thought was really fun like a 20 years later I could find a trike, you can actually park in any residence bay without any ticket.

Oh my god, I love it. I love it. He's got around it. This is amazing. It's like when Noel Edmonds used to drive a taxi, a black cab through Bristol but have a mannequin in a back to look like a passenger so he could go in the bus lanes. Yeah, yeah, he could go. Please. I. I. I. the bus. the bus. Please. Please. Please. to to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. the to go. the to go. the the to go. the the to go. the the the the the the the bus. I. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the bus. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I to go. I to go. I to go. I to go. I to go. I to go. I to to to to to to tell. to to to to to tell. to to to th. I love. I love. I love And you've been on holiday with him, haven't you? Yeah, we have. Yeah, we went to the Tenerife a couple of weeks ago.

That was good. He's at an age where you can just park him in the sun. No, in the sun. That's the opposite where you're going to be. I wonder if he's not sleeping. Poor bastard but. I'm not sleeping, poor bastard, burnt arms. Just stick him in the shade and you can... I mean, I've got through three books, which I... that tells you how much parents I was doing.

Honestly, me and Lou did that, we went to Copenhagen with a six-month-old and it was brilliant because they're just in the buggy. They can't walk, they don't want to walk, they just push them around, and then, and then, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and tho, and tho, that, that, that, tho, that, I that, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I that, I tho, I tho, I tho, I, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, that that tho, that thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo', I was tho, I was tho happy in the buggy being fed and sleeping. Yeah, it's great. So it's a good time to go, I'd say six months. And you kind of, when you've got a young, but you kind of, the people let you in front of them and the cues, it's quite, and I'm all up for exploiting that as much as possible, I mean, it's, yeah. It's a good age to enjoy a holiday until they're four now. So you've had that, but just remember that next time you try and go away, that four years

of age is probably the next point that you'll be able to enjoy it. But I don't want to bring you down any more. No, surely something bad happened on the holiday, thrown in it, but now after quite an intense holiday, I'm feeling like, I don't need this thrown in my face. It's all good. You know what gets me? I hate carrying stuff. I hate holding things.

When you've got a baby, you constantly, you've constantly got your hands full, or you've, I struggle with that a little bit, which is such a... Are you normally just a phone and wallet and keys guy out the door? Yeah, totally, that's it. I never used to have a school bag, I didn't take a bag to school. You just took a bag. I used to put my books in other people's bags.

It's why it's so quick at their their their their their their their their their th. Yeah, I was just, yeah, taking real limities actually, but just kind of, I don't want to carry stuff. So wait, you didn't have a school bag, you just, deposit your books in other people's bags, who what, what, gonna be in that lesson? Yeah, you used to have a pen in my pocket? Yeah, I'd have the odd booklet I'd just roll up and put my pocket, but then most would just be in other people's bags and just they're just they they they just they'd just they'd just they'd just they'd just they'd just they'd just they'd just they'd just they'd just they'd just they'd just they'd just they'd just they'd just they'd just their their their to just to just to just their to just to just their their their their their their their they'd just their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their, their, their, their, th. th. th. to just deposit, th. th. the. the. to just th. thoooooooo. th. to th. to the. the. So. to deposit, their the That is a piss take that stuff. What was your issue with schoolbacks? I just didn't want to carry anything Josh. You didn't want to... Bet Josh loved a fucking bag, didn't you? Little proctractor in there, not even got mashed that day. Yeah, I had a bag of the file of fact saying,

why not. Why not enjoy the flight, the holiday at all Josh it was all fine flight okay. Four-hour flight is hard work tenure. Yeah I underestimated the flight. You know it was okay. We're delayed on the way back but he just, he didn't, he didn't poo. Actually this was problem, he didn't poo for a week leading up to it. Oh no. It was just a flight. Yeah, I don't, he the th. th. think it was a coincidental for it. Yeah. And then we got on the outbound flight and he just, he

just loosened right up. Oh really? Yeah, and he was a massive awful one. Yeah, it was cutting loose. I think that's a good thing though, because I found when I was taking my son son to Greece, that that that that that that tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha thatting thatting thatting thatting that son to Greece, that taking them to change them gave me something to do with him on the flight. Do you know what I mean? Because you're desperate for activities. Yeah, so great. I definitely that is a low moment in life, isn't it? I mean, I'm a man that's got kids. A childless person listening to this must think you're fucking insane. Isn't it good when the little Gremlin you're holding shit's itself because they're clearing its shit out of its ass on a

plane gives me something to do and that's under the banner of activities wouldn't want to be on a stack do your leading job okay so we would go to the local old people's home and wipe some asses for an hour and then off we go out for a dream. You don't need to be the old people's home, Rob. That's made the whole thing too graphic. It's better than going to random children and wipe it their ass. Yeah, I suppose it is. I suppose it is.

Also, the changing table in the plane is so small. It's incredibly difficult as well. It's an untenable situation, but I enjoyed the challenge. It's five minutes when they're shouting at you and you can't see people pissed off because you're on your own. Yeah, you're kind of in like a Mr and Mrs, kind of like soundproof tube doing it. Exactly. I get a bit worried though that there's going to be turbilance at the point where I'm not holding the baby and the baby fucking launches in the air and they have to try and catch it like I could fall in from a building. How's the relationship, not, I mean not to go too deep, but has it affected your relationship with your wife? Because you're both very tired. How you're doing with it? With God, I think what the struggle is, is kind of he'll really

be into her for a bit and then he'll really be into me for a bit and it's about the other one dealing with that a little bit, do you know what I mean? When he only, like it's quite relieved when he only wants loosen the, oh yeah, oh yeah, it's only you can settle him today so I can't really get involved. Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, like there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. they. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. tr. true. true. true. true. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. Oh yeah. It's only you can settle him today so I can't really get involved. Yeah, oh yeah, there's nothing better than that is that. And they'll get to the age, I know this is bad, where they'll wake up in the night and they'll call for one of you. When it's not you, you have to just go, that's not, I's not my priority. If I go in, if anything, it'll make things worse. Yeah. Is she due to go back to work, Josh,

or is she off now or is she on paternity? So she works in a school, she should have teach the assistant, she's going back in December. Right. You kind of imagine going to go in, I had to go to a Hendoo the other week. You was, sorry? So because he's breastfed right, he won't have, he won't drink out of a bottle yet. So she went on this Hendoo, I had to go kind of adjacent to the Hendoo. You know what, you know that somebody swims the channel and have that support boat, he, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th, thue, thue, there, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, they thi, they, they, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th, th, th, th, th is thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi's thou, thii's thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, was their, was their, their, thi swims the channel and have that support boat next them? I was kind of one cafe behind where this hen deal were going.

And she kept having to knit back. Did she nip back to you or did you go to the hen? She, no, she, so I went in once during the brunch and I thought, this is too much. Excuse me getting out of the way of inflatable cocks. Have a bit of milk for this one, please. But wasn't the buff out the way, lads? Was he tempted to put a little coxtraer on her nipple? So that was his first count. Is that too laddy? Was that too much? I didn't know what the line is.

That's the child care then? You could you full your full-time comic as well? What was you doing before comedy? Was you working? I was a teacher. A teacher? Yeah, I was terrible at that. And then I had kids and I was terrible at that. And now I do comedy and just slag them all off. So when that's that you've been doing stand-up for five years so you started doing stand-up with a one-year-old and a three-year-old. I had a five months old and a

two-year-old. Whoa! If nothing screams cry for help more and I kept it a secret from my family. Did you? Really? So what do they think yeah Yeah. I know, my husband was like, are you having an affair? And I was like, I've been doing stand-up comedy and he was like, are you sure you don't want to just go and have an affair instead? No. So how did you do that? Talk us through that, transition into... So five minutes of open spots is basically an affair, isn't it? I mean, you do really dirty and humiliated and you wake up with the you do the walk of shame on the way home. Now that I'm getting to know comedians that have children I absolutely relish every time they're like how did you do it. So was you teach in full-time as well? No, I was I was on maternity leave.

I went back to teaching, so I was teaching, had two babies and I was doing it. But you know what it's like, you're doing the open mics, so you can't just turn up and do your spot and leave. You've got to stay the whole time. You've got to bring a friend. Oh man. So I was getting their their their to their to to their to to their to their to to their to their to to to their their to their to their to bring to bring their to bring to bring to bring their their their to bring to bring to bring their their to bring to bring to bring to bring to bring to bring to bring to bring to bring to bring to bring to bring their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. Oh, time. Oh, time. Oh, th. Oh, time. Oh, tie. Oh, time. Oh, time. Oh. Oh, time. Oh, time. Oh, time. Oh, to th. Oh, oh, th. Oh, the morning and then I was up, you know, still breastfeeding, God knows what. Jesus. Those first secret gigs, how are you doing that? Like what was your cover story? I used to say that I was meeting my friend in town for coffee. At night? At night?

I eventually told my husband, but we kept it a secret from the rest of the family, because it would not be approved. My mother-in-law was like, mothers don't do this. No husband would put up with this. Yeah, stop it. So how long was it a secret from your husband? No, I kept it a secret from my husband for about three weeks. Yeah, you can't keep that up for longer. No, I was in about, I just said, I was a, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, th. thi, thi, th. thi, thi, was, was, was, thi, was, thi, was, thi, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. th. to. to. th. to, th. th. th. th. th. th. No, I was in bed. I just said I was a little I just said it was a course I was doing I said I'm doing a writing course just to engage me mentally and he was like, okay yeah and then he was like sorry what are you doing and then I was like oh I'm just doing

this course. But basically you're hanging around in pubs waiting to do stand up like. Like a freak and then the first time I went on stage I came off and the the the the the the th. I the th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thr-I was like. I was like, th. I was like, th. I was like, th. I was like, th. I was like, th. I was like, th. I was like, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I was like, th. I was like, th. I was like, th. I was like, th. I was like, th. I was like, th. I was like, th. I'm th. I'm that's like, that's like, th. I'm th. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm thee. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I was like, the. I was like, th. I'm like, threw up and I just didn't stop throwing up I throw up all the way home and he was like I don't understand what's going on with you they stop it oh when I say out loud I'm like oh my god so you just when you got home you was being sick as well I literally threw up about three times in the way home just the adrenaline oh wow how had it gone had gone well yeah thank, thank God. Yeah, imagine what she would have done if she went bad. I just shat myself all the way home. But it happened to me once, I did a TV warm-up that was so stressful. They took you out at a car home. But I was so worked up and stressed and I felt really sick.

And I felt really sick. and it was like 20 minute walk to my house, went to the cab driver and I'll just get out and walk and was all right so I've got out and walked out and walked and we need to be sick and then I walked up to this skip and so I've been sick in the skip because where the traffic was moving slowly the cab driver pulled up alongside me and you're being sick in a pub toilet. I was just sick in a pub toilet. Literally, yeah, I know, I'm just there, vomiting. Vagina between my knees. Just like, what am I doing? What am I doing?

Honestly, I don't know, yeah, I don't know what possessed me. But I'm glad I did it. When did you leave your job, full-time? time job. Just before the pandemic, that was really well timed. I also had a lot of guilt about being a mom. Yeah. There was a huge amount of guilt because people were just like, what are you doing? So I was determined that it wasn't going to impact them. Yeah. So I would literally just have to be awake 24 hours at. I was talking to another comic about this and they were going, but when did you write? And I said, what I'd do is I drop my little girl off at nursery and then I'd just walk my son in the push chair so that when he had his nap, that's, and I wouldn't write, I would record,

so I'd just be walking around. Because if he, if the buggy was being pushed, then he would sleep and then I'd just record, ideas, to stand to record, and record, and record, and record, and record, and record, and record, and record, and record, and record, and record, and record, and record, and record, and record, and record, and record, and record, and record, and to......... to, to, to.. to. to. to. to. to. to. to, to, to. to. to, to, to, to, the.. the. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the....................... And, the.. And, the. And, the. And, the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. obviously I had a baby. So I just used to during his nap time just walk him. Alimey. But in five years, to go from zero gigs to being on live of the Apollo, which you've done and you smashed it, that is an impossible time frame without the fact that you had a newborn. told you had a to Edinburgh. Honestly, there were people that didn't know I had children. I remember what I was doing my first Edinburgh and I was walking around with a double buggy in Edinburgh. With a double buggy and I'm just like

walking up the real mall and send you V just walked out of a cafe and just went, whose babies are those? And she was like, what do you mean? What do you mean? What do you go to babies? What are you doing? There's five reasons. I'm not going back to university to be your friend. I'm going so I can get Uber1 for students. It saves you on Uber and Uber eats. I'm there for zero dollar delivery fee on cheeseburgers, up to 5% off smoothies and 5% Uber cash back on rides. Just to be clear, I'm there for savings, not whatever you think university is for. Get Uber won for students, a membership to save on Uber and

Uber eats. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply. Did you find having dogs before a kid helped? Because they are like a little baby, they're not as difficult as a baby, long-term obviously, but there is the same kind of commitment. Did you find it helped or not? Yeah, I find the jobs hard to work than I do refitting. Oh, fuck. Yes, do you know what, Martin?

That is the best thing anyone's ever said. Because Rob has just. And he said the words there, I know it gets easier because I can hear him trying to convince himself. We all heard him doing it and you've just totally over it. It's actually more difficult than a child, mate. They never really grow up beyond a certain point. Yeah, okay. It's a constant two-year-old. Fuck.

the today, that. Does rapidly play any sports? . So what does Rapporte and play any sports? How's the birth? Does he play in sport? What a question? I just can't talk about dogs anymore, Josh. I'm enjoying the dog boat to be fair. I'm enjoying the dog. The birth was amazing. The birth was amazing. Was it good?

Yeah, I had the Eagles playing, not live. All right. I'm going wild. That is a real expensive labor. Having the Eagles playing live in concert. I had a C-section and take it easy. I had a playlist. Yeah. And I put that on in the background.

And it was just, I just felt like, with the drugs and everything that they gave me because I had low blood pressure at one point. Oh no. I was in this sort of white room very sort of fabby and then baby delivered to me going to a kiddie. Oh that is perfect. This sounds amazing. Oh that was like ah this is fabulous yeah so it was a great birth, great birth. I was very lucky. That's good. And how do you feel if you hear that song now? Does that take you back to being drugged up in a white room with a baby? I listened to it all the time. It was really a special moment.

I really felt like, even afterwards when the drugs had gone off of the Yeah. There's something when people say, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, th, this, this, this, th. this, this, th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, this, th, this, th, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this is this is this is this is this is this is th, this is th, this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is that, this is that, that, that, that, that, that, that, ne off of the epidural like that, there's something when people say, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, there's something that when you hold that baby and you look at them for the first time and just something otherworldly happens. And thank God that you have that moment to cling on to at times because then when they're star-shaped in your bed and your sleep deprived and you feel like a crazy woman, you have to hang on for that moment. Well, I don't know if it's all men, but I felt nothing apart from fucking L, what am I going to do with this?

Yeah, no, I know what you mean, Rob. I felt like a lot of pressure to feel something that I wasn't feeling. You know what to do? I felt like, I'm a to have. I'm to have. I'm to have. I'm to have. I'm to have. I'm to have to have to have to have to to have to have to have to to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to to to to that. I. I. I. I. I to to that. I that. I that. I to that. I that. I to to that. I to to that. I to to to to to that. I to to to to to to to ha. I to ha. I to ha. I havethe beach. I'm like, what the fact? I felt like I'll just launch it back in the sea, which you know, you can't throw a baby back in. It's Kenya. So I didn't know what to do. I didn't have that magic moment, Martin. Maybe I needed more drugs. I love them there obviously, but I didn't have that over the next few days. No, I think a lot of people don't have that moment. I think it takes a that kind of, I suppose, because the first one we had was like an emergency C-section, you didn't really have that. No. Because it was so stressful, you didn't have that moment of like, oh this is amazing. You were like, oh thank God. It's all right. They're not both dead.

Yeah, if I'm honest, that's what it's not great feeling, is it? That's what I want to feel all the the the the. Thank God they're not dead. Not too fine a point on it. Thank God they're not both dead. Yeah, exactly. And did you find you, you found it quite easy? Did you take to it well? Or did you find it difficult at the first stages of being a mum?

Or was it all right? I think that I probably sleep and I'm just I'm not a very nice I'm not a very nice person and I'm just not. You're looking a jack out your corner of your eye now. You're like laughing. Is that true? Could you ask him what you're like when you've had lack of sleep? You're delightful. Oh gutless. My own it, I'm gutless. Fair enough. So how bad was the sleep, Martin? Well it was just you know, it was just getting up every couple of hours and you know your boobs hurting and you feel your range and you don't know what the time

of the day it is and there's this baby that needs you and you're trying to be good and make sure they're safe and panicking and you're in this fight or flight mode the whole time. And it's hard because there's only, it's not really much else that anyone else can do. to feel a bit alone and a bit on your own with it. But I was quite lucky because I've just remembered, because I'm making myself out to be a real hero here. But I just remembered that after the C-section and the light moment, the epiphany moment. Rafferty, as often a lot of children's sea sections do, had fluid on the lung and he was rushed off, I didn't have him and they had to give him formula. So he was breastbed and formula from the word go.

So occasionally when I couldn't do it, I would nudge Jack and he would get those tiny little bottles and he would give him one of those. And I remember I've got a photo, I've got a photo of him, he's laying in bed, he's doing his emails, what he's doing, and the baby's there with its own bottle, and I was just like, changes your life? How? And he's just like, getting on with everything. I was just like, how does he find this so easy? Well, yeah, I suppose, you know, I found it, obviously, we did a lot of bottle

feeding with breastfeeding at the start and stuff, but I do think if you're a dad and the mum's doing all the breastfeeding, there's no formula at all, you do have a bit of an easier run at it, don't you? Because you literally can't get up to help in the night with the bottle feeding stuff. So it's, there, there, there, there, the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, the the thi, the thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the thou, thou, thou, thou, to to to to to to to to thou, to to to to thou, thou, thou, thou, thou, th night with the bottle thing and stuff. So it's quite good that there's a little bit of a sort of, I don't know, sort of judgment if a kid's on formula or whatever. So the fact, it was quite nice, I suppose. If the hospital had already done it, anyway, you can still be a bit judgment-free, aren't you? Yeah, I think there a lot of things,

so it finds it hard to hold on to pregnancies. Oh wow. Finally, finally, I have him naturally. To this day, doctors don't know how we manage to keep a successful pregnancy. Is it very unlikely, then, is it like the chance is quite low with Lyme disease and your other conditions to conceive then and keep the pregnancy? Yeah, yeah, th th th th th th th th th th thine, thine, th so, thine, thine, th so, thine, thine, thine, thine, thine, thine, thine, thi, thi, so thi, thi, so thi, so thi, so thi, so thi, so thi, so thi, so thi, so thi, so thi, so thi, so thi, so thi, so thi, so thi, so thi, so thi, so thi, so thi, so thi, so thi, so thi, so thi, so thi, so thi, so thi, so thi, so thi, so thi, so thi, some, some, somea, somea, somea, thi, thi, thi, toge, togy, thai, thai, thai, thii, thii, thi, thi, so quite low with Lyme disease and in your other conditions to conceive them and keep the pregnancy? Yeah, with my combination and my immune system is they kind of explained it in very sort of simple child back terms that all my little soldiers that need to fight to keep

my immune system working they can't do that and keep a baby safe and oh wow so so it was such an amazing time like when I finally did manage to have it. Of course yeah. Yeah. So was the pregnancy a really stressful period? Yeah I mean yeah every pregnancy I had I never knew how it was going to end up. But it was weird because I just put my Instagram last night that my dog Harry who I just look in his eyes and he's like this deep Tibetan soul or something. The minute that I was pregnant with Rafferty it was almost like he knew this this is the one that's going to stay safe and before I even knew I was pregnant he started getting on the bed which which he never does. And he would gently

watch his chin on my stomach. And I did that, and then I realized I was pregnant. Then I kept the pregnancy for the first time, and God knows how many times. And through the end, like he was like my shadow, he would leave the way, he would bark and he would let Jack know if I needed something he'd run down and bark and get him. He's just like the most amazing. Dogs are just so amazing. Dogs are good! Yes, dogs are good!

Dogs are good! That's good! That's good! I'm seeing like a round Robin Wayen. Thanks, Marty. What is your, how many kids? Yeah, I was denied a son. I won't.

I'm just, and there, unfortunately. And there. But, so one is 23, one is 24. So we had those very close together. And I said, no more children. That's it. I remember Dominicollin,to have this, you know Dom, you should get in. Spider-Man's Dad. Spider-Man's Dad. Spider-Man Senior.

Spider-Grand-Dad. Yeah, Spider-Grand-Dad. I'm just repeating all you're saying. Oh, so I said no more children. I'm just repeating all you're saying. Oh, so I said no more children because we had two so close together and it was that double pram thing. Oh, yeah. Oh, Jesus. You know, the double pram is just too wide to go through it. Yeah.

And the thing actually that really got to me was, was actually pushing this double pram with these two babies in. And we had two dogs as well, I would push this, walking, the the the to, the to, to, to, to, to to the to the to to the to to their, to to their, their, to to their, to be, to be, to be, to be, too, too, too, tho, tho, tooom, tooom, tooom, tooom, tooom, tooom, thoom, thoom, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, to, to, to, too, too, tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooome. And, t. And, babies in. And we had two dogs as well, and I would push this, walking the dogs and pushing this pram around the park. And the thing that got to me most was old ladies saying, you look like you've got your hands full. Oh, thanks a lot. Oh, you spotted that, did you? That you got.

Oh, their hands full. Come on on guys. What dogs did you have? Because that does make a difference, isn't it, the size of the dog? Well, Fox Terriers. Small but Wilfell. Small but Wilfell. Like me and Josh, that was the original name of his podcast. I'm going to Google a Fox Terrier so I can get my head around.

It's the tin tin dog. So you had, no, you didn't want any more, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tin-tin dog. You know, so you had no, you didn't want any kit, you didn't want any more. I said, that's it, you know, and we were quite rigid about that. Oh, they look like a sort of Jack Russell with a big jumper on. Yeah, and the mustache. Yeah, I know. Jack Russell and witness protection. Yeah. Jack Russell and witness. Yeah, Jack Russell, with their tu-Inton things, tie, tie, tie, tie, tie, tie, we's, we's, we, we, we, we, we, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were th, we were quite, we were quite, we were, we were, we were quite rigid, we were quite rigid, we were quite rigid, we were quite rigid, we were th, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were th. We th. We're, we were th. We're, we were thin, we were thin, we were thin, we were thin, we were thin, we were quite rigid, we were quite rigid, we were quite rigid, we were quite rigid, we were quite rigid, we were quite rigid, we were quite rigid, we were quite rigid, we were quite rigid, we were quite rigid, we're's quite rigid about it's your turns, your, my turns, your, you know, it was like that all turn the thing at night, your turn to get up, my turn to get up.

And so I was like that, around that, this is what, 97 we had the first one, 98, there was the second one. So it was a lot of, I had to do turnover, a lot of stand up. So I would have to do a tour. This is my previous handlers. It would make me do it. We're back on tour. So it would be tour. And then it would be record, write and record the show. And I wrote it on my own.

So I was really under the caution. I would get back from tour, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. And, th. And, th. And, the the the the the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. This, th. This, th. And, th. And, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, too. And, too. And, too. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, the show and I wrote it on my own so I was really under the caution I said I would get back from two you know two in the morning you know the thing you you know creep into bed and the baby wakes up and your turn so I was just completely knackered and so I said no but I could tell that my wife was gonna hold it against me for the rest of my them. So seven years later. Seven years later. Seven? Yeah.

Seven. Yeah. In a moment of weakness. We're another we conceived as a third child. Another girl. And it was the best thing we ever did. Because we, you know what it's like you have the first one. You don't know what the hell you're doing.

You don't realize everything is a phase. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you get the baby back from the hospital and you have that sort of, I don't know, it's about a week or something where it just sleeps and doesn't do anything. You're thinking, what's going to go on forever. And then that goes. And then something else happens.

They start teething or they start falling over. Well, because you say it's the best thing you ever did, Gavin, the third. But then how long until you thought that? Because obviously at the kids were so much older as well. They're like grown-ups at seven and eight, aren't they really? Yeah, yeah, it was fine because, you know, we knew what we were doing with the baby and we were able to enjoy it. And maybe I wasn't so busy, I don't know,

but it was a really good time. And actually, you know, I think she said the best out of us I think the first two got a bit of a rough deal. Sorry guys. Sorry guys. I'm lucky but things happen. So does your third daughter still live with you? Yeah she's at school now. How old is she? 17. So what's it like having teenage daughters and young women as daughters? Is it scary? You lose the control a bit don't you, so they're out and about doing whatever. I think the thing with girls is that they're easier when they're little and then when they become teenagers, you know, then it starts to get difficult. And you know, I used to do this, I had this sort of weird thing where I would scream at them. They would come down up their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's theeee. It's theeeeeeeeeeee. It's theeeeee. the. It's the. the. the. the. th at them. They would come down and they would be in like, they used to roll up the top of their

school skirt so in the sort of jail bait kind of look with them, thick makeup on. All right, and I, and I would just, you know, turn into my dad. Get that and stuff off you have. I'd say, you're not going out like that. Come here, you know. It was silly, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, the tho, the the they. the they. I they. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I th. I th. I'd thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, they's, they's, they'd thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I'd tha, tha,'re not going out like that. Come here, you know. And it was silly, you know, really silly. So I bought this book. I sent off of this book called Something Like Talking to Your Teens so your teens can talk to you, which is a book about, you know, obviously, understanding.

Anyway, get this book from them. And I'm sitting on the stairs reading this book. And daughter number two, you, you, you, to, to, to, to, to, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, I I I I's, I I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, thi, thi. So, thi. So I'm togy. togu. togu. today, togu. today, today, today, today, the stairs reading this book, and daughter number two comes home from school. She goes, what's that book, Dad? I said, it's called, talking to your teens, so teens can talk to you. I said, it's just, you know, so we can, hopefully not have so many arguments. She goes, loser. So I never bothered reading it. That's it for this special best of episode.

We'll be back next week. P. P.S. P.S. P. Empire this September, or so I'm told, with shows from free of the UK's top comedians. Join team captain of 8 out of 10 Catsters Countdown John Richardson, recent I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here star Sean Walsh and me, Alan Carr. We're all visiting Hackney Empire this September with our critically acclaimed tour shows.

Ooh, la da da. Tickets available from Hackney Empire.co. UK. See the there my loves.