Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S01 EP18: Salty? Or not salty? That is the question...

Episode Date: June 26, 2020

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' S01 EP18: Salty? Or not salty? That is the question...We get so much amazing correspondence from listeners, and not enough time to get through it all, so we've decided to release a regular set of 'correspondence specials' where we hear more of your (and our) tales and adventures in parenting.*WARNING* Features even more 'salty Josh'Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hello, I'm Josh Riddickham. And I'm Robb. Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell. The show in which Rob and I discuss what it's like to be a parent during lockdown, which I would say can be a little tricky. So in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation. And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills. Each episode will be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping. Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you the listener with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Hello and welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell with Josh Bonacum and

That was decent that. That was Emmy who is a four-year-old and according to the email from her mum Izzy is a complete psychopath who still eats and drinks anything she can find. Wow. She once drank half a bottle of Zophora Paramedic said there was no way she would have drunk it as it made it the taste disgusting, but she burps linen fresh for nearly a week. Oh God. My two-year-old ate half a tub of butter yesterday. We weren't watching and she was just like pouring it in with a hand and like we need a poo with honey and we thought she'll be sick but she weren't. She just absolutely dealt with it.

What a stomach? Maybe she'll be one of those competitive eaters in the future. Imagine if you became like one of those competitive parents that you see but with your daughter like Serena and Venus Williams dad but with eating competition. Pizza Hut buffet every weekend. Let's go, let's go, come on. Slice it down. Don't forget the pasta, don't forget the pasta, work on the crust. Rob, I should say, we get so much great correspondence. We've got a ask Rob for your advice, we've got a parenting tip, we've also got some emails about me being salty, but firstly, Rob, did you have a day out last Tuesday? Yes I did why what's happening? No it's just someone who spotted you. Okay. I just want to say I listened to the podcast every week as a mother of five-year-old

and identify with your parenting woes. My favorite thing to date however is this afternoon open brackets Tuesday when I was walking into my local animal park just in time to see Rob coming in past pushing one daughter in a pram and herding the other on his way out. I've never seen someone looking so hot bothered and fed up. I wanted to say hello but thought better of it at that point. You look like you were considering throwing yourself in with the tigers. Is that a fair summation of your day? Do you know what, right? This is maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe having a lovely day. It was hot and they can get a bit, you know, a kid to like

running around not listing. And that was at the end of the day. And also quite weirdly, I did, it did feel like lockdown was really over that day because I went to this animal park and then I had to go to the toilet I needed a to go toilet, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to go go go to go to go to go to to the to go to go to go to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the to the the the to to the to the to to to to to to toiletlerlerler.. the toiletler. the the toilet or the toiletletlete. I the the toilet. the toilet. I toilet. I the toilet. toilet. I to to to to to to to to to a number two and I thought I remember only a few weeks ago I was only allowed out for an hour a day now I'm having a shit at a zoo. And I just thought you know it really is easy isn't it when that's happening. Yeah so this is what's happened right basically so I went to Animal Park and Zoo right when I'm out and about right when I'm up with my kids you know if you come up to me that lady said alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone that lady that lady they they they they they to the to the to to the to to the the to the to the to the the to to the the to to the to to to to to to to to to to to the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. I'm their. I'm their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the and say hello I'll have a photo I'm not really if she come up to me that lady said alone a quick photo it's fine it's more tricky when you're with the kids because it's got I when they're young as well and you're deeming with them and someone wants a photo you have to to go right I normally I normally say to the try and they the the they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they try try try try try try try try to try try try to try to try to they're they're trickling with kids. But there was people taking that little secret photos of me at that park. And then, and that which I, you know, if you come up and say hello, I'll have a picture,

it's no problem. But when I, someone secretly takes it, I find it so, you feel so, so exposed and a bit vulnerable. And their thapapapapapapapapapapap's is is is is thi, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's even, it's, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, I's, thi, thi, that, that, I, I, I's, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I, I. And, I. And, I. And, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, th. And, you, you. And, you th. And, you th. And, you th. And, you know, you th. And, you th. th. thi I never have, not even privately, nothing that's been up. And then someone sent me a photo going, was this you? And it was like a photo of me and my children's faces. And it really, it really sends me a bit, I find it really upsetting and like really uncomfortable that someone's taken a photo of my children without my permission or knowledge.

It makes me go a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit, It makes me go a bit fun in, I don't feel like I can relax. Really took the edge off you having a lovely shit, didn't it? I mean, I, just before that, I'd one of my great, the best outdoor shits I've had in 2020. And all of a sudden, yeah. So, sorry if I was a bit miserable, but I'd always have a picture and a photo, but I've been sent a bit sideways. It's interesting when you're out with your the the the you because you're kind of like, I've really got a lot on here, mate. Yeah, that's the other thing as well, you're not, there's never a moment, is it?

Like, how stress does your kid get when they want an ice cream or something? And then you go, wait a minute, and they've got no idea why people want to me. Yeah, wait a minute. I'm just thing. I thing. I thing. I th help. Go on, mate. The jingle, please. Don't be scared to use a device. The timeout step can be your ally. Don't be afraid to say no to your kids. No to your kids. No to your kids. It's okay to apologize as a parent. Apologize. Apologize, apologize. Never hit them. But don't let them think you won't. Don't let them think you won't. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the the jingle. the the jingle. the jingle. the the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. to. the jingle. to. to. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the j. the j. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the the the the the the the the the the the the j. the j. the j. the j. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. the jingle. to your kids. It's okay to apologize as a parent. Apologize, apologize, apologize. Never hit them, but don't let them think you won't. You're listening to WWRBD. What would Rob Beckett do?

What would Rob Beckett do? this is from Steve Charlton. I'm looking for advice regarding how to win my children over after a recent culinary blunder. Since lockdown began, my children have only been able to visit a handful of times. To make their visit extra special, I decided to offer them a full Nando's experience. I'm not just talking the food. I went as far as going on YouTube for traditional Portuguese music, moving my George Foreman Grill into the living room so the kids could watch while I cook their chicken. Open kitchen! Then they had to come up to me and order with some menus I'd printed out from Nando's.co.

Oh what a legend. The evening was a disaster. Five minutes in the music caused a problem because I had to go back to the computer to skip the adverts. Furthermore, having the grill in my front room to be a stupid idea to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to the the to the the the to the the to the to the to c. the the the too, the too, the the the the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thoome, thoome.eateateatr.eatr.ea.ea.ea, thoooooooomorrow, their, their, their, Furthermore, having the grill in my front room turned out to be a stupid idea because the kids were talking to me whilst I was trying to concentrate. I generally require silence while cooking. Wow, silence! To top it off, when the kids ordered from the Nando's menu, I didn't have half the things they wanted. Prego steak roll please. And I didn't realize my daughter had become a vegetarian during lockdown. She ordered the Portobelloat mushroom and Hulumi burger, for which I wasn't prepared. I thought Nandoz was just chicken.

Finally they were really upset with me because although I thought I'd achieved a lemon and herb level of favor, it soon became apparent I'd achieved extra hot. The kids didn't speak to me for the rest of the evening. I was especially displeased, this is a weird sentence. I was especially displeased as my son drank all the milk and I didn't have enough for cereal in the evening. In the evening? In the evening?

Is that a topo? Or is Steve Chalton desperately near? I've got to have my bowl of cereal before bed. Yeah, it's saved some time in the morning, isn't it? Wow. I'm telling you this, because they are reluctant to come back. Have you got any ideas for other theme lights for them that would be less risky? I think the issue there is, he's offered a full menu. Even the actual establishments, even McDonald's, the most successful restaurant ever is offering a reduced menu. Yeah. And he thinks he can bang out the full Nando's menu.

Without any experience, the full Nando's menu. I mean, even if you've got all the food in, the wastage after two people who just ordered what they want would be insane. I mean, if I was in, I just order a McDonald's off Uber. Yeah, well, we know you've got a link up with that company Rob that's that's wide and clear. I really want to do it but Donald's advert I'd love that me just in there. I bet you'd love it. It does very nearly the phrase I'd love it. Well I mean I think really the thing is now though it's all open why would you try to recreate something that's already there because I think when it's not open open open open open open the the the the the th open th open th open th open th open th g th g th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the. the. I'm thi the. the. I'm that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not tho. the. that's not tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. It's not the. It's not the. the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's already there. Because I think when it's not open you're given a bit of grace aren't you? I'm not going, oh well, it's not as good. He said, he's added other other ideas for

theme night so it doesn't have to be restaurant. It could be strictly Alton Towers or fortnight are his three suggestions. Oh, Alton towers the stand. From off the roof. Home off the roof. What we could do is, you could do it. I always think Mexican's a good one because you just cook it all, leave it out and they build it themselves. And in that way, they can judge the spice. Basically, everything that's got old-world pass I written on it, Mexican in it. I'm not going back to university to be your friend. I'm going so I can get Uber

one for students. It saves you on Uber and Uber eats. I'm there for zero dollar delivery fee on cheeseburgers. Up to 5% off smoothies and 5% Uber cash back on rides. Just to be clear, I'm there for savings, not whatever you think University is for. Get Uber one for students. A membership to save on Uber and Uber eats. With deals this good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm to. I'm to. I'm th. I'm th. I'm the. I'm thea. I'm thea. I'm teuu. I'm toea. I'm toea. I'm toea. I'm toe. I'm to save on Uber and Uber eats. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just 499 a month. Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply. Rob. Do you have some salty emails from you? What do you want? Let's have salted first. Oh it's like to finish on the salt though, don't you? Oh, okay, yeah. I think it's nice. Basically, I've I've have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have I've have I've have I've have I've have I've have I've the the sa I've the salt the salt the salt the salt the salt the salt the salt the salt the salt to have to have to have to have some some some some salty. I've to have some salt the salt to have some salty. I've to have some salty. I have some salty. Do you have some salty emails. to have some salty emails the salt some salty emails the salt some salty emails. the salt some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some. I've they. I've they. I've they. I've they. I've they. Do. I've they. Do. Do. Do. Do. I've the. I've the. I've the. Do. I've the. I've the. I've the. Do. I always had to finish on the salt though don't you? Oh okay yeah. I think it's nice basically I've asked you what you want and then you're not allowed me to have what I want. Right okay okay we'll do salty first let's do salty first. You wanted it salty widdicum is the thing. This is from Sarah Williams. Here's a salty widdicum

from my husband Simon for years whenever I have seen or heard Josh Woodicum or TV. I've. I have the the th. I have. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to th. to th. to th. to th. to to to to to to to to to to to to have to to the thus. to to to to to to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to to to have to to have to to have to to to to th. th. th. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. I thi. I thi. I the. I'm thou. I theau. Salte. Salte. I the. Salte. I've delighted in telling people that I met him once and he was really grumpy. It's comforting to know that I'm not alone. Wow. It's just like victims speaking out, after like Weinstein and Saville. Yeah. For years, they were in the dark. In fairness, it wasn't all Josh's fault. I met Josh when he compared for an awards night and industry I worked in. The night was going well, Josh did a very funny stand-up routine and the awards were going

great. My first encounter was when I was a recipient of one of the awards and I had to collect a trophy for him and pose for a picture. So far, so good. Also to start with Josh these are very difficult nights for a performer. I've done these before. It's very tough, a lot of drunk people, you're trying to hold it all together, so it can be difficult to host. I'm in your corner so far. Can I just also, can we have it put on record? That I did do well in the stand-up set, which is, I've already narrowed this down to a small amount of awards. Yeah, So I think Josh knows this one off by this one off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thoomorrow. their their thi. thoomorrow. their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. to to to to to to to to to to to have. to have. to have. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. I's is. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. t t too. too. too. too. Josh has spashed the gig. He's wandering around with his massive big-dick energy. After the awards and a fair few beers later, I spotted Josh at the bar waiting to be served.

Right, so I don't get this, Josh. What was I doing? Still being there? Why are you still at the bar? There's a reason why you were there apparently. Now confident we had some kind of connection and shared experience. I decided to go in for another chat with Josh. Josh mentioned he was staying in the area that night because the following day he was going to most best man at a wedding in Birmingham so I stayed and then I vividly remember this it was in the Birmingham NEC

this gig and it was the office supplies awards and I thought and I'd had a couple of drinks at the start my script that you know how they announce you on yeah the voice of God in the script was this this year's host is Josh Whitakam who has promised not to do what Brian Blessed did last year and outstay his welcome. Oh God. So God knows what Brian Blessed had done. And you're sniffing around at the bar as well at his stage. But I imagine you've left the, I left the arena gig. So you left the NEC. And then went to the hotel. But the people the people the people the people the people the people the people the people the people the people people people the people the people people the people the people the people. the people. the people. the the people. the th. th. the the th. the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they. they. they. the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. their. th. their. their. their. th. th. the. the. tho. the. their. thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. their. th. th. th. their. I left the arena gig, so you left the NEC and then went to the hotel, but the people from the gig are at the hotel. Yeah, yeah, I wanted to drink, so I didn't really know what to do. I ended up talking to a guy that supplied toilet rolls to offices.

Oh, Josh, this is so depressing. What the fucking? toobeyed. all the people in here, everyone else, they could be replaced when it goes digital, computers, you know, paper, whatever. Toilet roll, it's a job for life mate. People have got to wipe their ass, Josh. People have got to wipe their arse. That will never go digital. No. If it does, God help us all. That will never go digital. Amazing. Yeah, but surely there will be a machine that wipes your ass for you. Like some sort of, I think there needs to be some sort of tube

that suction, remove stuff. You know like what they put in your mouth at the dentist? That up your ass. Not the same one, Roche. No, give it a wash. But that, that, up your ass quickly, suck out anything else knocking about and then clean it all up. But then even if it was proven to do the cleanest job ever, you'd always have one white check, wouldn't you? One little white check. You were, then that's why this guy is, this guy from the awards is going to go on forever. So what do I say to this woman at the bar. You're staying there because you're, yeah, Josh mentioned you stand in the area, best man at a wedding, and then she said, oh pressure, a lot of pressure to be funny when you do a best man speech in

normal circumstances, especially for a comedian, the expectations going to be even higher I quit, right? Which I know what you're like Josh, you're a great performer, but you can't, it can get in your head at times. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so, so, I. So, I I, I, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the th, th, their, to to their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, and their, and their, and their, and then, to, their, to, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. And, th. to me. to me. to me. to me. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. their, their, their, a great performer, but you can, it can get in your head at times. So your head's gone now. I didn't need that. I didn't need Alex Ferguson coming up to me. That's what I fucking didn't need with his mind game. No. And what I'd say with comedy is, it's the best and worst job in the world. Because if you have a a comedian. And she's 10 minutes after the gig reminding you about an even tougher gig the next day. So basically, as soon as she said that, she's got in your ed, a bit of mind game, sledging. Josh's mood quickly changed, taking on the saltiness of a human packet of discos.

He wasn't amused. I quickly scan the bar in search of a colleague to chat to instead and I found a lovely guy drinking five bottles of champagne screaming to toilet roll will never die. I love the pop-car. I should do you know what at the end of each he was sold to email I should apologize I do apologize for that. It's amazing that I remember that night so vividly but I don't remember that conversation. But you know what I think in your defense Josh I do think when we are or you're on screen or when we do stuff as comedians with so full energy because that's the show that's the thing that you're never fully going to

replicate the energy so you're never going to look as happy as you are on tele or on stage because you're performing and if you did have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have that same that same that that that to have to have to have that to have to have that to have that that to have to have that to have to have to have to have to have to have to have that that to to the. that that that that that that to the. the. the. the. the. the. the. to the. the. the the the the. the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi. I the. I the the the the the thean. I thean. I thean. I thean. I thean. I thean. I the the you'd be mad. It would be insane if like someone come up to you like, hi, yeah, cool, and he started doing this, it's not sustainable. So whatever you are, less than full energy, looks like you're being grumpy, but you're not, you're not, you're just being, I get it all the time.. Dear Rob and Josh, I teach at Josh's old school, and a few years ago he came to do a gig in the old school hall to raise funds for the school. He definitely isn't salty as he tolerated

a school tour for goodness how long from our ex-principal, even though he fucking went there for eight years. I added that bit. He took the mic the mic the mic year he sent a video to say happy retirement for his old teacher, even though he was quite possibly in hospital at the time. Were you in hospital at the time, Josh? Send it out a happy time? Possibly, I had my appendix out. Yeah, I don't remember much of that. So maybe I did it more to lie Rob. That tour of the school

was one of the best experiences of my life. Going back through a three-year-old school. Yeah, just walking around where you haven't been for 20 years. Ah, it was a nostalgic hit like I've never had. It's so much smaller, isn't it? Yeah. I got asked to go and do a speech at my old school, but I got nothing to say to go and do to go They're trying their best. But I learned nothing here. They're nice enough people. I learned, everything I learned was when I left this place. But they're trying their best. Good luck with their education. That's what I can say.

All I learned from that school was had a smell of fight. I can know a fight'souble. But I didn't learn anything at the school so I couldn't go back and do a speech. There's a famous board at my school. Is there one at yours? No, who else is on your famous board? Well, I wasn't on it. I don't even know if I am. But the three people that that that that that that that that that people that people that that that that people that that that that that that that that that that that the people people people that that that that that the people that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the the the that are that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th people people people people people the the the th. the the the three people the the the the they people the they people they. the three people thro. thro. thro. the. thro. Not bad, is it? No, fair enough. Pretty big deal. And third one, the funky chicks. Who are the funky chicks? Who are the funky chicks? Who are the funky chicks? They are a South East London, Bromley-based kids entertainment duo. Not me, hosted the Royal Right Performance. The funky chicks. They are a South East London, Bromley-based kids entertainment duo. Wow. They sound good actually we should get them on. Lovely girls, Annie and Evie

Moran, they're lovely, lovely girls, but no no RB, no RB on the world. Oh, that's a shame. Do you think we're the kind of male equivalent of the funky chicks? Is that our role? I don't think we're funky. I don't think we're the think think think think thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin' thin' thin' the thin' thin' the the thin' thin' thin' thin' th. th. thin' the thin' thi th. th th th th th. their their their their their their their their thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thi thi thi thi thi thi their their their their their their their their their their their thin' thin' thin' thin, thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thi think anyone is funky anymore and you certainly can't describe yourself as funky, can you? No, the moment you describe yourself as funky, you are a square. If Nile Rogers said funky, I'd let him off. Did he go to your school? If he would, he wouldn't be on the ball, would he? Too many big hitters on there. Yeah, but anyway, your old teacher said you won't salty at all, lovely lad. And from the hospital bed was sending him happy retirement videos. There we go, one all. Keep your salty stories coming in. Rob, do you want a bad parenting hack?

Yes, please. Caroline Morrison. Hi, Rob and Josh. This was written before the Lorraine Kelly episode that was out on Tuesday. I'm looking forward to the Lorraine Kelly episode. As a book on baby and toddler feeding, kept me saying while my somea to my parenting hack. If your child will only eat chicken, then tell him everything is chicken. Ham is pink chicken, beef is brown chicken, spaghetti bolonais is spaghetti with brown chicken. Sosages are chicken.

This worked successfully for several years. Wow. He just thought he was eating chicken for several years. They just said everything was chicken. Didn't help when my sister announced Wow. He just thought he was eating chicken for several years. They just said everything was chicken. Didn't help when my sister announced in front of him that he eats beef now, but he was four or five by that point and we had enough ammunition that he liked all the foods we'd been feeding him. I would like to have he's now 15 and well-adjusted. That's a good tip. That is a good tip. If anyone needs that tip, use it as you wish. Now, Rob, last week I discussed a cat doing a dirty protest in our house.

Yeah, a strange cat, not your cat. And the stranger's cats that had been lured in by my daughter. This is from Holly Sparks. I was listening to your podcast. I mean, this isn't about parenting, and Josh was talking about feeding the cat and it reminded me of the fox at my mum's garden. My mom has a fox that likes to shit on her garden ornaments. She has started to feed it as a bribe to stop it from doing dirty protests. The fox has a favoured dog ornament and it loves to shit on the dog's head.

The dog is at the front door so anyone who visits is greeted by a stone dog with a fox shit on its head. As soon as the dog is cleaned the next morning it has another shit on his head. My mom has now resulted in giving the fox dinner every night. Last night he had a jacket potato, chicken breast and bread and has done no dirty protest since. That's a better dinner than that I had. That's a the thiiken the nursery that my daughter's at? Well, it's a carby dinner though, isn't it? What kind of fox as a sloss of bread after a jacket of potato? In my head it's a huge dog statue and it's like a kind of perfect turd like a kind of quiff on top of its head? Josh, I'm very excited. We now have an address for people to send us stuff. Oh, yes please. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, what's thi, what thi, what's th, what's th, what's th, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's th, what th, what th. What's, what th. What's, what th. What's, what, what, what, what th. What's, what, what, what th. What's, what th. What's, what th. What's, what th. What's, what th. What's, what th. What's th. What's thi. What's thi. What's thi. It's a thi. It's a thi. It's a thi. It's a thoooo''a'a'a'a'a'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'er. What's th. We now have an address for people to send us stuff. Oh yes, please.

So basically, if you want to send us anything, like any pictures or correspondence or letters, old school, postcards or stuff your kids are done, what other stuff do you want to send over, John? Art, draw it, because I really enjoy the kids saying our names, but if the kids wanted to draw us, that would be really good. And then we could have have them them them them them the their their their their their their... their their their to to their. to to to to to to to to to to to to to send. to to to to to to to send. I. to send. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to send.. to send. I. I. I's. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. to send. to send. to send. I. to to to send. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. the to. the toe. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. but if the kids wanted to draw us, that would be really good. And then we could have them come in. Oh, yes. And then we could put them on our new Instagram account. Yeah, we're going to get an Instagram account. Once we've got some content for it.

That would be fun. But you know, bad art your children have done. Do you know what, Rob? I'll give you an idea. We'll also, we'll the idea, we'll the idea, we'll the idea, we'll the idea, we'll the idea, we'll their, we'll their, we'll their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, Rob, their, to, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. We. We. I'll, their. I'll, their. I'll, their. their. I'll, their. their. their. their. th. I'll, th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. We. to. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their. We're putting on our Instagram account pictures that people have sent in. So if you've got anything you want to send to us, it's PO Box 76748, London E99DW. Also like products, and not that I'm trying to get free stuff, but stuff you want us to try or try will be quite funny for the kids. Yeah, parental products. We could do that. But I'm not looking for freebie content, but if you want to send, the stuff stuff stuff stuff. the stuff. the stuff. th. the stuff. th. th. the stuff. the stuff. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th, th. thi, thi, thi, th. thi, thi, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, the, thi, the, the, the, the the the the the thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thr. thrown, thrown, threat, threat, to, to-i, to-I. too, tho. threate. tho, tho,'m not looking for freebie, but I just, it might be quite a funny content, but if you want to send us stuff, this is not like a pathetic attempt

to get a free fucking chair. By the way, listeners, I want to chair, I buy a fucking chair. But if you've got some weird products let's know, we can try themers. So other things we'll put on our Instagram if any of our emails have photos that help. So for instance, this is from Lauren Lennon. I've attached a picture of something that sent me over the edge. It was my milk tray moment. And all because the lady loves, milk tray. So I'm just going to send you the picture of what she found in the

kitchen and she said this was what sent her to her milk tray moment. Now I think this is one of those things where you know you think it will be the big things that really mess with you but sometimes it's just it's just the subtle little annoying things that send you over the top. Oh that's unacceptable the th. It's th. It's th. It's just the th. It's just th. It's just the th. It's just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just the the the the the th. It's just just just just th. It's just th. It's just thin, it's just the subtle, it's just th. It's just th. It's just th. It's just thi thi, it's just just thi, it's just thi, it's just thi, it's just th. th. It's just th. It's just th. It's just th. It's just th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's just just just just just just just just just just just just just the the the the the the the the s. It's just the s. It's just a subtle. It's just a subtle, the su's just a subtle, the subtle, the subtle, the subtle, it's just a subtle, it's just the subtle, it's just the subtle, it's just the subtle, it's just the sus the top. Oh that's unacceptable. Okay, someone's put a banana pill on top of a food-only waste bin that would, I'd say, to open and drop in would take less than half a second. That is actually the same effort of laying it on top than picking up the lid and dropping it in. Yeah. That is unex- Oh, that's that's infuriating me already already. What an asshole. That will go on our Instagram. I put it on their pillow. I put it on their pillow. That's what I'm my wife's mom, when my wife was a teenager and it was her job to do the washing up, right?

And she didn't do the washing up and her mom just went and put it all on her bed. Oh, that is a huge, huge power move though, isn't it? Huge power. I would never have the guts to do it. I don't think I could do dishes, but one banana, I'll just stick it on a bed. But then it's what, what happens? What is the next step? What you want to do is put it in in in in in in in in in in in the b put in the b in their in their in their in their in their in their in their in their their their their their their their to put it in their to put it in to put in their their their their their their thoom. tho their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the? the? the? the. the. theat. toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom. tow the. got, you can't leave it at that. And then it turns into a big banana jewel. Before you know it, you've got a fruit salad in the bath, a full bath of fruit salad. That is so unacceptable. It's just an absolute kicking, that's

worse than like running up a phone bill or coming in drunk. That is just a real, fuck you in your bin. Fuck you in your bin. What is our PO Box, the PO Box 76748, London E99DW. So send in all your old school correspondence to there. Or you can email us, hello at lockdown parenting.cold. Thank you for listening everyone. Josh, I hope you have a better week next week. Me too, me too. You can stress this week. It's always, everything's a phase. These things always last a very short time, but when you're in the eye of the storm. I felt like I was saying that to yourself more as a kind of like, I go to be fine.

You'll be fine. It'll be all right. forget to subscribe and a light you don't have to like it's not YouTube is it just subscribe review that's it you love a review don't you how many reviews we up to yeah we smashing up the reviews nearly four and a half thousand we were number two last week for a bit yeah about number two desert island discs oh 50 years of vision oh piss off we don't need you to turn it up with your 50 years of episodes do you do you know what I I just I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just the the they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the their their their their their their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they they they th th is the try try try try to to try to to to to try to to to to to to to to their the episodes. Do you think, I don't think either of us are Desert Island discs fair, Rob? Do you know what? I just do, I just do, you know, because they wouldn't ought to be like quite emotional, just but yeah,

come on Eileen, love that one, absolute banger, stuck in the middle of you, Fratellis, absolute tunes, just everything's like, yeah, I like this one and a night out. Duh, da, da, da, da. And then the host cries and not the guest. Josh, who have you got next week? Chris Ramsey, I'm not gonna lie, the King of Podcasts. Oh, at the moment, we're coming for you, Ramsey's. Yeah, comedian dancer, podcaster. I mean, it's a triple threat. I don't think you need anything else once you've got those three in the bag.

Oh, it's an old school, isn't it? He could do a song at the end. Can he sing? Rosie can sing? Yeah, Chris would have 100% been the tree on the mast singer if he could sing. That would be perfect for him. I'm calling this now. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thi. I'm thi, I'm thi, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's thi, it's thi, it's tho, it's th. It's th. It's tho, it's tho, it's tho, it's tho, it's th. It's th. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a that, it's a that, it's a to to to to to to to to to to to that that to that that that that that that that, it'll take that. 20 quid. I'm calling that now. 20 quid. Yeah? Done. Anyway, listen to the podcast on Tuesday. It's very funny, man. Bye. Bye.