Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S01 EP22: Windburn, man and boy...

Episode Date: July 10, 2020

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' S01 EP22: "Windburn, man and boy..."More misadventures in parenting from Josh and Rob. Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent Got something to send us?LPHPO BOX 76748LondonE9 9DWA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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and member terms apply hello I'm Josh Whitakam welcome to lock down welcome to lockdown the show in which Rob and I to be a parent during lockdown which I would say can be a little tricky. So in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation. And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills. Each episode will be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping. Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you the listener with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Hello and welcome to lockdown parents in hell with...

Just weekend, we're better. Pretty strong, that is Hattie, aged four. They're getting better. They are, Roe says, it's the most laid-back kid who's finally nailed putting her socks on by herself, ready to start school in September. Oh, socks on on her own. Excellent. Well that we've been, we've been told, because that's what we've been doing all week getting the oldest ready for school.. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Pretty th. Pretty th. Pretty th. Pretty th. Pretty th. Pretty th. Pretty that that's th. Pretty th. Pretty th. Pretty th. Pretty. Pretty. Pretty. Pretty. Pretty. Pretty. Pretty. Pretty. Pretty. Pretty. Pretty. th. Pretty. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It. It. It's, the the the the the the the th. It's, th. It's th. It's th. th. th. thi. thee. thee. thee. the. thee. thee. thee. the. thee. thee. thee. thee. the. the. the. th. Excellent. Well, that we've been, we've been told, because that's what we've been doing all week, getting the eldest ready for school, that they've got to learn to do zips up and buttons. Oh, and how's that going? Well, it turns out my eldest is a secret zipper-uperer. Oh, really? She can do it. I just do it for her before she goes into preschool, she can do it. And actually, sometimes does the other kids in the classes,

zips for them. Oh, wow. Didn't know. Didn't know he had it enough. But buttons, absolute nightmare. And she loses her ed. I don't know if you've ever tried to explain to someone how a button works. It's sort of clear how it works, but explain how you get a button in. Try and explain to me now how to do a button. Well you hold the hole and

then you kind of turn the button sideways on so it lines up with the hole and then you push it through and it should snap back into place. I think you've actually now, that's it fair. I don't I literally couldn't do it. Exactly what I should have said. I was like, we get that bit in there and she was like, I'll just I'll just that I'll just th. I'll just th. I'll just th. I'll just the th. I'll just the the th. I'll just the th. I'll just the th. I'll just the th. I'll just th. I'll just th. I'll just to the to th. I'll just kind to try, I'll try, I'll kind the the the the the the the the the the tun tun't turn tun't turn turned turned turned turned turned turned turned the button the button the button the button the button the button the button the button the button the button the button the button. I'll the button. I'll the button. I'll the button. I'll the button. I'll the button. I'll try. I'll tu. I'll tu. I'll tu. I'll tu. tu. tu. tu. tu. tu. tu. tu. tu. tunne. tu. tunne. tu get that bit in there and put it in there? And she was like, what bit where? I went in there, she went where, but I went there? She went out, how? I went, I'll just put a zip, zip up top on. Do you know what though, when you're a kid, once you've learned zips, buttons feel like, but why do they're still exist? I still don't think Velcro's got the respect it deserves. No. You know what I mean?

What happens is you have Velcro when you're really young, and then once you learn how to do laces, everyone's like, oh, you're a loser if you've got Velcro, and then you only use them again when you get old. Why are we denying ourselves the prime of our years, having easy foot. I tell you what, mate, you you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, to, to, to, to to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, to learn, tho, tho, thrown, tho, throwne, tho, to tho, to to to to to tho, to to thoooo, to to to to thoooo, to learn and and followings, me and Kanye. I can't, I can't imagine it will go the same route. I'll have to leave Lou, Maria Kardashian. Certain things I just have to tap out of, but I think it's best to, but for some reason my my elders can't do the number three. She can't do the number three. So she keeps on doing it the wrong way around. Also I've, I I I I I I I I I I I I I, I, I, th, I, I, I, th, I, th, th, I, th, th, I, th, I, I, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, tho, tho, thi, I thi, I've th. th. th. th. I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I th. I th. I, I, I th. I, I, I th. I, I th. I th. I, I th. I, I th. I th. I th. I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll to than, I'll to to to togne. togne, I'll just just just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just tha, I'll just the the the the around? Also, I've just told her, because you can do an M. I said, just do an M and turn it round. Yeah, that's genuinely one of the most confusing instructions.

You're really bad at giving instructions. I'm not gladdle. I've got the ability, I've just got the ability. I can't, I can't tell you. I can't a button, do you know what I mean? I can't explain to you how stuff works. When I look at the stars, once I get beyond that's pretty, I have to stop looking because it upsets me that I don't understand what's happening and I just pretend they're not there. What do you mean you don't understand what's happening? Both the stars and the universe and the sun. No one really knows But no one actually knows. Do you know what I had this the other day where

I realized I don't really know what wind is. I tweeted about this Josh I hate it. It's the worst of all the weathers. Wind? Do you think? Easy. I'll defend it to the hill if you've got any issues that. Someone said rain and wind. No, because you know that and go, oh, let's have a barbecue. No chance, the wind ain't letting it happen. And also you get sunburned without realizing you're getting sunburned, because it feels cold but you're burning like an absolute crisp. Yep, and windburned. Have you ever had windburn, have you ever had windburned, the windburn? Yeah, I've had wind burn, mate. your head off down in Darty. It was a moment I didn't have windburn when I was growing up I'll tell you that for free. Have you ever got your daughter sunburned

by accident? I don't think she's ever been sunburned yet no but that's more because we're unambitious with where we go rather than that she's that we're conscientious with the suncream. Ours have got little t-shirted te-shirt they they're. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th-tha th-tha th-tha thr-tha thr-I thrown. thrown. thrown. thrown. thrown thrown thrown thrown thrown the throwns thrown the the the the the the the. the. the the. the the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the throwns the the the te te te te te tean tean tean tean tean teannn' sun-n'n'n'n' throwne throwne ing. Well like a truck driver there. Yeah, because he put cream on them and then they just put like a short sleeve t-shirt or a dress and they've got like really brown arms. But it looks bad but I'm putting 50 on them every day. Even when it's cloudy but they're just tann it up. And they're so blonde and they've got these big browned and blonde and then the whitest belly. It's like a big marshmallow. So they I'm kind of picturing kind of Hulk Hogan. That's kind of what you're describing your daughters. Yeah, now you say it like like him but vainier. What I'll just tell you about the zoom calls we've got to have for like the kids starting school right so she started in September at this I'll just tell you about the Zoom calls we got to have for like the kids starting school, right? So she started in September at this new school. So she had to have this reading

class, right? And then what happens is to teachers reading the story and then goes around, it was done in groups of like six and then speaks to all the kids individually, just basically so they've seen the teacher. And they've seen some of their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their reading, their, their, their, their, their, their, their reading, their, their, their, their. their. this. this, this. this. this, this. this reading, this reading. this reading. this, this reading. this, this reading. this, this, this reading. this, this reading. this, this, this reading. this, this, this, this, their, their, their, their reading. their reading. their, their reading. their, tea. tea. tea.ea.ea.ea.ea.ea.ea.ea.ea. tea.ea. Tea, tea. Tea, their, their. Teaea. tea. them at ease. And then all this and they were sort of waving and then they said to my daughter, What does Possible sound like for your business? It's having to spend to power your scale with no preset spending limit. Redefine possible with business platinum. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Terms and conditions apply.

to visit to Amx. to bring your teddy, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th, th, th.. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. the, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. thoooooooo. tho. And, tho, tha, they said, bring your teddy, right? So she's brought this panda. She's got his big pander bear like that. And they went, oh, what's that? What's your panda's name? And then my daughter went, oh, it's a tande. I was like, oh, it's weak. People watching here. And even the they went, and then she went, and what do pandas eat? And I was like, I went, even I was struggling.

Give me like, get a today and I'm like, what is it? Some bush in it, some bush thing. And then my thought went, bambo, and I did, and I did a fist pump, I was like, thau, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, the, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, and, and, the, and, and, and, and, and, the, and, and, and, the, and, the..... th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. just like, get in, yes, the bamboo, yeah. And I never thought of myself was like a competitive parent. But once your thought was in front of other people, and they're like asking questions, I was just, I had that feeling of like, last minute winner, just bamboos, I get it. Especially asking the panda name debacle. That's a hell of a thing for the teacher to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the to the p. the pa, the pa, the pa, the pa, the pander, I, I, I, I was, I was, I was, I was, I'm, I'm, I was, I was, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, they.. And, like, like, like, the, like, the, like, like, the, like, like, the, like, the, like, the, the, the, I'm, I'm, a hard question. What a question to drop! What the pandas is? Come on! Think she asked where are they from? Did she? That's tough, that's tough, isn't it? Yeah, and my daughter said, theymea, and then the teacher said, could you explain the issue with Hong Kong

between China and the teake? What's Lou of at this point? Trying to avoid being on the camera because she doesn't want to be seen so I'm there front and said looking like an animal. And you can just see like the corner of Lou's eye like a Twitter profile. Oh, but it's just stressful man. But yeah, the bamboo I've really. Yeah, that's, that's like, you know like that Michael Jordan when they do those big last shots with a second to go it really is that long. Oh God, I felt like Steve Kerr, the little awkward idiot in the corner. Keep getting it wrong. Have you got to do many more things before September? No, I don't think there's already a WhatsApp group set up between all the parents. So I think they're I'm not going but I think Loo's taking

because what we're having difficulties because the youngest the youngest the youngest the youngest the youngest the youngest course what we're having difficulties because the youngest goes to preschool the eldest they're like inseparable at the moment. So even when she had to stay off preschool to have this like reading class thing that was 20 minutes. I don't know if you've taken a kid out of a full day of preschool for us to do a 20 minute phone call. Yeah paid for day. 20 minute phone call just sort of sit there going, okay so I've just got her here now all day after that. But then the youngest was going, I want to go there, I want to go there, I want to go there and she's like I want to go to big

school. I'm a big girl because you're don't have nappies but you're not a big girl. So now we're nothe. So now to the to the th. So now th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thr- thr- so now we're thr- so now we're thr- so now we're thr- so now thranni. So now we're thr- so now their their to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. So thr-sor-sor-soo' thr-soo' thr-soo' try. Somea. Somean. Somean. Someanan. Someanan. Somean. Somean. So now. So now. So now. So now. So now. So now. So now. So now the. So have to keep re-branding stuff to keep people on side. Do you know what I mean? So do you want to hear from our listeners? Yes, please. It's the lockdown parody mail bag. But it's actually emails and there's no bag. So let's start with this. This is from Doug. A couple of weeks ago, my wife drove Miles to have a walk with her sister for what she called a moment of bloody peace. All I had to do was look after our four and 18-month

year old without disturbing her. That was it. The kids were down and I was in our bedroom folding laundry, open brackets, playing video games, close brackets. When the wind got up, a tarpalling on our neighbor's attic conversion got loose, sounded like a car crashing outside the window. There was no way capable dad was going to risk the kids being awake when my wife got home. So I made the decision I was going to ask the neighbours to secure it. I grabbed a bottle of wine so it didn't look too complaining, ran around to the house and knocked. They didn't answer the door. I legged it back and it was then I realized I had locked myself out. Oh God. My wife was a good... Two kids in the house? Two kids in the house.

My wife was a good hour and a half away when I rang to say that I'd popped to my car and the door had closed behind me. And he's holding a bottle of wine. Yeah, she made me promise. She made me promise. I then huddled in in in in in in in the door in the door in the door in the door in their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. their. their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. I. It's my kids for any other reason and obviously I'd made that promise. I then huddled in the doorway, drank the wine and listened to my audio book. Hang on, I thought he meant listened out for the kids. I'm going to say one ear in, yeah? So he can listen out for the kids. I mean, if he's got both ears in, he's not going to have his headphones with him, because he's only popped next door, so he must be just playing it out loud for his phone.

If he's got noise cancansing headphones on, drinking what he's over for him. He might as well gone to a tapas bar down the road. This is ridiculous. My wife arrived, I stashed the bottle, and that she and her sister, and the the the the story, the the the the the told, the told, the the the told, the the the the the the thoved, thoom is, thoom is, thoom is, told, told, told, told, told, tolde, tho, told, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, tooom. tooomomom. too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, is tho, is tho, is tho, is tho, is tho, is tho, is tho, is tho, is tho, is tho, is thoomorrow, is too, their. Hea, is tooomorrow, is too, is too, is too, is tooomorrow, is too, is me and emphasised how worried I was about the children. She then reminded me that we have a video doorbell and that she and her sister had watched me leave, not go to the car and return with a bottle of wine. They'd assumed that I'd left the children to buy booze. Oh no. When I explained what had actually happened, my wife said she would have done the same thing but she would have been honest about it. Yeah, why was it?

Because it's a fair thing he was doing. It's totally fair thing he was doing. It's weirder just to go to the car for no reason. I mean, what's a situation? I then watched her calmly get the tarpauling issue sorted via the neighborhood, via neighborhood, the neighborhood, the neighborhood, the neighborhood, the neighborhood, and I, and I, the neighborhood, and I, and I, and I, and I, tha, tha good work Doug. What a situation to get yourself into, Doug. I know, unbelievable. I've not told the story about my, what's like family friends, right? I won't name names, but they'll know where they are. Anyway, they've got twins, yeah? The dad is a notorious sleeper. Like it's bad so that if he sits down it will fall asleep at any gathering, right? He just falls asleep a lot. Anyway, so it was Christmas Day and he said, I think the twins are 18 months, two years and years ago, and he said to his wife, go and have a bath and just have a lovely morning to yourself,

because she was going to do the dinner in the afternoon, and he said, I'll look, after the kids, I'll look look, I their their..... I the kids, I the kids, I the kids, I the kids, I the kids, I the kids, I the kids, I the kids, I the kids, I the kids, I the kids, I the kids, I the kids, I the kids, I the kids, I the kids, I the kids, I the kids, I the kids, I the kids, I the kids, I the kids, I the kids, I the kids, I the kids, I the kids, I, I, I, I, I the kids, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, th.. think, I th. think, thin, th. thin, thin, th. thin, I the kids, I the kids, I think,'ve got a few hours to just do that right? Anyway so she goes upstairs a lovely bath does a hair and makeup it's already put a nice like new outfit on for Christmas Day stuff goes downstairs he's a sleep. He's asleep in a front room right out for the cat she wakes up goes where the kids where the kids he wakes up hasn't got a clue no idea what they are right so they're so they're panicking they're knowing they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're the their they're not they're not their their their they're not they they're they're their their they're not their they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not their their their their their their their their their their their their their th their the their their the the their their their their their th their their th they're their they're knowing the house, they go outside and they're in the middle of the road playing. Imagine that on Christmas Day. Imagine the doghouse you'd be in. Oh my word. Oh, you wouldn't be allowed out to the next year, would you?

Luckily it's only two weeks away, but all of the reasons. I mean, luckily there's very little traffic on Christmas Day. Yeah, well that's the moral of that story. If you're going to go sleep and leave your kids to themselves, do it on Christmas Day. I love that the default thing that a child would do is go to the middle of the road. That's like, come on, mate. I've fallen to cut me some slack. some shoes on at least come on. Two kind of Victorian urchins. Let's meet in the middle here. I think they were walking down to like a friend's house further down the road but oh dear. Oh my word. In my head they were like sitting in the middle of the road like playing jacks or one

of those little Victorian game. Stick an oop. Yeah yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We might as well have another another person who's forgotten they've got a child. This is from. the. the. the. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. S. their. S. S. S. I's. I. I's. S. S. S. I's. S. S. S. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. the. th. the. th. th. th. the. the. the. th. the. th. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. th. th. the. from, do you know what? I'll just call her Jackie. We don't want to get the authorities involved. When my daughter was only a few weeks old, she was upstairs asleep in her cot. It was a Friday evening. And my husband said to me, what do you fancy eating? I said Chinese. So we got in the car and drove to the road I said, oh my God, he said what? I said Rebecca. Rebecca, Kevin! My husband practically did a handbrake turn and we raced back to the car to find Rebecca still sound asleep. Neither us could believe that we'd forgotten all about her. How old was she? A few weeks. Oh wow, can you imagine the silence and the speed of that journey-o once they remembered? Oh my god. Because before that, yeah we got a Chinese, Rebecca, he span round, he must have been driving so fast and just

both rocking in silence trying to think who thought it was. Oh my god, the abject fear. Imagine, imagine you get back and the police are there and they go, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, th. the, th. th. the, the, th. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the their, their, their, their, their, fear. Imagine you get back at the police there and they go, so what's happened and you go, um, we drove to a Chinese. Where's your Chinese? Well, we didn't get there. So, Rob, as you know, you've been giving me advice. You've been giving the nation advice. You are the nation's agony, aunt. Okay, here we go.

What would Rob Beckett do? Don't be scared to use a device. The timeout step can be your ally. Ally, ally, ally, ally, ally. Don't be afraid to say no to your kids. No to your kids. No to your kids. It's okay to apologize as a parent. Apologize, apologize.

Never hit them. But don't let them think you won't. You're listening to WWD. What would Rob Beckett do? Hi Josh and Rob, my wife and I need some advice. their 18 month-year-old refuses to sit in her car seat. She strains when we try and cries if we attempt to use force. Yeah, quite possibly.

Yeah, no. You try pliers on the towsesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesese? to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to we attempt to use force, yeah, quite possibly. You try pliers on the toe, just to them's nose boss. No, we tried to keep her calm and then encourage her verbally to give it a try, explaining how good the destination would be, so it's worth it. We failed over and over, and so started bribing her with food, which works 100% of the time. Okay. It's got quite calorific when we had to make several trips. And so we've recently been bribing her with fake rewards, e.g. E. E.E.E. E.E.R.

the than'ease and to the plan. What do we do? Okay. I think I've got two words for you, prison bitch. That's what's happened. You've been prison bitch by your own kid. It's happened to me. Happens to the best of us. But the way I dealt with, for us, there was a lot of people, we have loads of discussions. they don't like to get them in a car seat. The way I'm saying it is, the way, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, them in a car seat. I mean, but what I'm saying is you just, what was they're strapped in?

It's only, they're never in pain. Once they're strapped in, they're safe and secure. So they're not in pain, they're just got the ump at that stage. You're not in pain, you're not being mean, you're not doing anything horrible. They just don't want to be sat in there, but they've got being sat in there because you're going where you're going where you're going. So I used to just turn the music up and just carry on? Yeah I sort of say no we're going in the car because we've got to go here and I let them have like you know some toys or stuff like that if they're bored but you know I just are you so. When they're?

When they were that age and they just kicked off and drive because they're not in the car. Sometimes you don't want to do it if they're actually upset about something, but the problem in our ways you've started bribing haven't you? Yeah, can I ask your question, Robert, as an advisor? I don't understand his his, his, his, his, he's a ra- he's bribing with empty raisins. Well, I think that's, so basically what the same is, they're go, if if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, they, they, they, they, you, they, you, they, they, they, they....... the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, they... they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. the, the, the, they. the, the, the, they. the, the, they. they. the, the, the, the, the, them in, lock her in, and then there's no raisins, which I think that's worse. Yeah, I mean that's basically going to lead to the child trapped in, but absolutely fuming. Yeah, so that at that problem, they've got a right to be angry. And now they're upset because you've lied. But if you just get them in the car seat, and they're just getting in the car seat, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they're, and they're, and they're, and they're, and they're, they're, they're, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're, they're they're they're they're they're they're that's, that's they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their, th, th, th, th. that, that, that, that, their, that, that, theean, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, that's basically that's basically that, car seat. I'm not like, you know what I mean? That's one of your big claims, isn't it? I'd forgotten that. There's no- I'll stand by that. Undefeated?

I'm undefeated. They'll get in. You've got 36 to zero, haven't you? You're getting. The invincible. 24 by knockout, the tooffic. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. to. to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. to. to. to. to. to. Yeah. Yeah. to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. to. Yeah. Yeah. to. Yeah. Yeah. to. Yeah. to. Yeah. Yeah. to. to. Yeah. to. to. Yeah. to. to. to.................................................................... the.. the.. the.. the.. the... the. the. the. own mind up, sure. Well, there you go. Let us know how it goes with the tip, turn up the music. Take no shit, lock them in, get on with it. That's what I say, because they're not upset, they're not hurt, they've just got the ump.

I don't want to be, I don't all the stuff your kid makes you do for it. I'd love to just scream. No, I'm not wiping your ass. But you can't, can you? That's what they've got to learn. I have screamed and not wipe the tray moment. Yeah, exactly. But Adam Hills did have a lot of power of you in the first series. Prison bitch, prison bitch. Prison bitch! Prison bitch! I've got some salty emails Josh unfortunately. I thought we put this to bed with a number of

unsoughty tales but it looks like you've been a bit of a salt monster. Oh no, no. Also, Josh, you want to have an edge. I think you'd love, you'd get a real kick if so I went, oh someone hold up Josh he's fit but he's a right bastard That would be a bus for you That would be like you know none of they neither those things have been achieved yet so let's see Such a fuck boy So hi Josh and Rob me and my friend also called yes this is two jesses this is from Jessica Brennan anyway she listens spot they both listens to the boss cast two jesses anyway they came all the way th th th th th th th they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th th th the took took took took took took took took took took took took thy thy the the they they they they they they they both listen to the boss cast, the two Jesses. Anyway, they came all the way from Liverpool to London for the weekend just to see a live recording of hypothetical as we love James Acaster. Unbelievable.

And Josh, I'm joking. And Josh, I'm joking. And Josh, I'm joking. And Josh, I'm joking. And theymeau, I've them shoes. I'm arguing you've got the ump already because of these shoes but let's crack on. You've come to London, it's filmed at Pinewood that's, it's not even London, but carry on. I've thrown out there, if I've got a new pair of shoes that are a bit blister-heavy, I'm not whacking them on for a trip to Liverpool. Do you know what I mean? You save that, that around that around that around that around that around that around that around that around that their that th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. It's to to to to to to to to to thi. It's thi. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to thi. to thi. to to to to to thi. to to to to thi. to thi. actually, when I went to the Grand National one year, the only year I've ever been to the Grand National, and my girlfriend, she wore shoes that were painful, and so that was in Liverpool and we had to walk back from the Grand National into the center of Liverpool

with her and her bare feet., they ripped a bit. We had to be in work the day of our return. So we were on trains home from London, straight to work first thing the next morning. But it was all going to be worth it to see the show live. So they've come down to London. It's like eight till 10 or 11 at night and they've got to stay over in London and they're on a five on a five on a five their their their their their their their their their their their their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to train. so to train. so train. so train. so train. so train. So. So. So. So train. So train. So train. train's train's train's train's train's train's train's train's train's train's train's train's train's train's train's next day. Okay. Anyway, so there's a lot of commitment here to see your show but they were so excited. It's all going to be worth it to see the show live. When Josh and James came from the side to wait to come onto the stage, we were right next to them. Starstruck. We said, oh, ohmg. Hi Josh. Hi, I was doing a show. Well, can I finish? So your argument she was doing a show, and you're too busy to respond to the high.

Well, what I would say is, I don't know how much TV you've watched Rob, but I imagine quite a lot. You very rarely a bit where the hosts take a moment to just say hi to the front row. No, no, no, you the the the the the the the the th I I I I I I I th I th I tha tha tha' tha' tha' tho that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that'a'a'er's that'er. that'er's tho to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to too too too too too too too too too. too too too that. that. that. tho tho tho tho tho tho the thooooooooooooooo the.. tooooooo too too too too too too too too to the front row of the audience. No, no, you haven't gone on yet. Oh, I was in the zone. I was in the zone. He was in the zone. Okay.

I was in the zone. So your argument is you was in the zone because you're doing a big TV show and you couldn't have time to say hello to your fans. Biggs. Bigs a stretch. Okay, so your argument is she was in the zone, so you couldn't break out of the zone because you were performing. I just need to bring this up as well. It was still a great show and I still love your work, but only Charlie Brooker, the guest that night, said hi, hi, back to us. So he was the hero of the adventure down south. So not only did you not say hello because you was in the zone, Charlie brook I would argue is one of the sort of like his

vibes grumpy and non-particle is it his whole vibe is I don't want to talk to you I'm going to just you know rip stuff apart yeah he's taken the time whilst in the zone you so call it to say hello to your fans and you gave side eye Josh so so well you know what I'd like to issue an apology yeah on yeah I'm sorry that. I to to th. th. th. that that that th. that that that th. I'm that that that th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm the the th. I'm to to to to to to to to the the the the to the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the. the. thi. the.. Yeah, okay, that's good to hear. On, yeah, I'm sorry that Charlie Brooker is such a fake, because... He didn't want to say hello, is that what you're saying? Well, know what I'm saying? What I'm saying? Oh, I'm a grumpy, a grumpy, gruke. Yeah, it's obviously complete. And he's a complete. And he's a bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit. And he's a bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit. And he's and he's a bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit and he's and he's and he's that and he's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. th. their th. th. th. th. th. that's that that th. that that that that that's that that's that Mirror. Then he's back at Butlin's. He's Philibines. He wants to be chirpy. But to be fair, though, in your defense, maybe you might have had your earpiece in and someone was talking to you, distracted you. It's

difficult to say that to everyone. I don't think you wouldshed up, please. From lunatics wearing nine-inch wedges down from London. Hang on, I've got another one here, which I, Joe, what, I'm going to throw it out here now, Josh. This seems like bollocks. I can't imagine you did this, but we've had it sent in. Let's get it in. Hi, Robin, Josh. I thought I had to write and started working for a PR agency that represented a few comedians. For a young comedy fan from the West Country, I couldn't believe by luck working around some comedy heroes and Josh Widdickham. What's the name? The name is? The name is? No, no. I wouldn't remember someone you've mugged off would you? Anyway for the record he wasn't a client. He wasn't a salty? He hadn't been on TV. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to. I. I. I. I. I. I. the. I. I. the. the. the. I. I. I. the. I. I. I. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the the the the the th. the th. th. th. to. th. th. th. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. the th. the the th. 't the salty big-ed that he is now and he hadn't been on TV yet. Okay, so it's a few years, it was like pre-2012, maybe even before that.

2010? Yeah. I was a very low-down intern, oh God, this is our terrible things start normally, isn't it? No, it's fine, nothing like that's happening. No, notoday's salty. Thank that salty. Thank that. that. that. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. th. to. to. to. to. th. th. th. th. to. th. th. th. th. th. to. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the the. the tha. thau. thau. thau. toda. thau. today. thau. thau. today. today. today the previews or some new shows with colleagues. Part of the schmoozing was hanging around after gigs for drinks and mingling with the performers and their mates. One such show above a public West London led to said drinks. I didn't know anyone other than my colleague would bugger off to do some work. So I started chatting to the frowny to the frown the guy next to me. It turns he turns he turns he hea turns hee he hee he hee he he- he- he-o he-o he-o he-o' he-o' he-he-he-o' he-o' he-o' their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to their their-up. their-up. their their one. their one. their one their one their one. their one their one their one. their one. their. their one. their. their. th. th. th. th. thr-o'-o'er. thr-o'-o'-s. thr-s. One. One thr-o'-o'-o'-s. One's-o'-n'-n'-n'-s. One's-s. One's-s. One's-s. One's sneneed-s. One's s'er. One's-s. One's-. I'm still trying to climb the ladder at that point. I've given anyone the time of day. Or you were just trying to rip people down from the ladder to get your own success. Yeah? You know, anything to get ahead. Anyway, he says, he wasn't friendly, he was Josh I started by asking his name. I got a frosty Josh. So I followed it up with what do you do? This might sound like an obvious question at a comedian Shindig but they are often full of a mix of different

people. Apparently... Yeah I would be happily. I would never do the, what do you think I do? Yeah, no, I agree you would awkwardly just sound comedian and sort of almost feel like you've offended them by saying it, never mind. So I'm in your corner. Apparently it was such an obvious question for the salty sea dog. I was met with an... I was met with that... See this is, these are the kind of terms of phrase that you need when someone's writing a press release. This person is made for PR. The salty sea dog, I was met with an exasperated eye role and I'm a comedian I write for blah blah followed by a sigh. I can't imagine you and I produced through 70 this and he knows you very well. Can't imagine Josh ever doing this but I think you would be almost embarrassed that you

wrote for someone. Yeah, you wrote for the guardian, didn't you? Yeah, so did I name a comedian or did she write blah blah blah. She wrote blah blah. That's what I'm saying, this lack of detail. She hasn't said where the venue, the venue, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the of detail she hasn't said where the venue is she hasn't said just West London's very vague but I tell you what look I'm I'm willing to hear more evidence of this but I think this I'm calling bullshit but if you want to send him more I don't think we need more evidence for all I think it's a case closed I don't think we're moving on from Dominic Cummins I'm to see th I th I th I th I th I th I th th to th th to th th th to th th th th th to th th th th th th th th th th th th th th to th th to th tho tho thin thin' thi to tho to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th is to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is th is the thi thi thi thi thin thoe the thoooo''' is tho' is tho' is tolde tolde is tolde is told to to to to to to to to to actually I think you know if we've learned from Dominic Cummings I'm gonna see you in a garden with a full apology. So she's written that you

said all right for blah blah followed by a sigh and she said well excuse me Mr. Lardy Dar and I thought the question wasn't returned and I wanted off to find my mate verdict definitely sortier than a sweaty armpit. Please keep my name anonymous. Oh dear I don't work in PR anymore but I'm sure the the b the b the b the b. the b. the b. the b. the b. the bu the bu the bu the bu the bu the bu. the bu. the bu. the bu. the bu. to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find the the the the the the the the the the the th. the th. the th. the th. th. th. th. the. the the. the. th. th. th. th. th my name anonymous. Oh dear. I don't work in PR anymore, but I'm sure the buggers could track me down. See, so anyway, right, we'll keep your name anonymous, we'll bleak your name out, but please, whoever you are, Mr. Blogs. You've got to say please keep me my name anonymous at the start of an email that you're

reading out. Come on, that's the first one of the PR. Anyway, so the person who said this in, you know you are, if you've got, I think it's nonsense, if you've got more details, where in West London, give us dates, give us times, give us events and we'll track this down and I'll put it to Josh Winnakum in a full salty court case, but at the moment I'm calling bullshit, I'm afraid. Right. Right. So Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. Rob, yes. Your daughter is going to school in September and this leads me on to something that I had suppressed about my own schooling which I will take you through. Oh okay. My children returned to school this week part-time. We were sat in a car outside school waiting for it to open when I decided to go over what he would expect

when he goes inside just to try and ease the worries. Having a chat about what was going to happen that day, and I explained it to him about hand washing, social distancing, etc. Then I mentioned he would need to put his clothes straight in the washing machine and get in the shower when he gets in. He immediately starts crying, saying he doesn't want to go to school because I said he has to have a shower. I know seven the the their their their their their, he, their, their, their, their, their, their, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, told, to, to be, to, to, to, to, to, and to, to, to, and, to, to, to, to, and, to, and, to, and, and, to, to, and, to, and, to, and, to, to, and, to. And, to. And, to, to. And, to. And, is, is, is, is, is, is, is. And, is, is, is, is. And, is, is a toe. He. He is a tooom.a.a.a.a, is.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a. Weato drive him to shower and brush his teeth. For instance, his favorite thing to reply when I asked him to brush his teeth is at the moment is why they aren't going anywhere, as if that's a reason why he needs to brush them. Anyway, I digress, as much as I think he's being very dramatic and over the top. I mean, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi. thi. thi's thi's the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their the how the virus survives on clothes and skin for a period of time.

Was there enough tears to act as a shower? Could he just cry himself clean? How upset is it? Sorry. It's mean, it? So, I interrupts me. No. And says, so will it be like when I go for my swimming lessons will there be separate showers? At this point I realized he genuinely thought he was going to have to undress upon entering the school shower and then walk around naked for the whole day.

Oh bless! That is horrendous! Awful! What a thing to make a kid go through! Yeah, I do think though sometimes you need to tell kids less because that is stressful because she should borrow in trouble there because him having to have a shower and he gets him from school. He doesn't need to know that until he gets him from school. He's not going to do anything that will stop. It's not like, oh do you want to do what? I'll do you know, there's notoday with when I tell my daughter something about the next day of the night before and then you're like, uh, you'll be like nursery tomorrow and she'll be like, I don't want to go to nursery and you're like, why have I brought this up?

Yeah, what have I achieved by bringing this up? What have you don't do his sleep now? tomorrow tomorrow? Yeah. So this didn't to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their wea, to wea, to to their to be to to their to to to to be their their their to be their to be to be to be to be their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their tomorrow. tomorrow. tomorrow. tomorrow. tomorrow. tomorrow. tomorrow. tomorrow. tomorrow. tomorrow. tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow. tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow this reminded me I'd forgotten this in terms of being naked at school Yeah, so this didn't happen to me, but it happened at my school So when you're at primary school you do like productions like plays and stuff. I can't believe this I don't this isn't a false memory. I'm sure this is true at primary school. We did a production of the Emperor's new clothes. It's a Hans Christian story. He's an emperor who, his two tailors, make him clothes, but they're invisible, right? And they tell him that only a stupid person wouldn't be able to see the clothes. So he pretends he can see the clothes. And then he ends up walking naked, down in front of everyone, all of his subjects who all pretend they can see the clothes. And then at the end of a child says, but, but, but, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, the, th. th. the, their, their, their, th. their, their, their, their, th. th. th. th. the, the, the, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, te, is, is, is, is, is te, te, te, te. And, te. And, te.e. And, te. And, te. And, te. And, te. And, te. And, te. And, te. And pretend they can see the clothes. And then at the end a child says, but daddy he's naked, right? And that's the story.

We did this as a play at my primary school. Oh God. And this ended up with like one of the kids in a pair of pink Y-fronts, just walking town in front of all of the kids and all the parents. the emperor. Isn't this insane? That actually is a therapy to sort that out. Imagine being that kid. I know. Well, I mean, it's great to get the lead role. Don't get me wrong. But what teacher is choosing the Emperor's new clothes

and think that is a play we need to put on for the parents of the local village? Imagine, imagine, you're the mother is it? Okay, well just tell me what he needs through his costume. Right, okay, yeah, go on. Pink wirefronts, fine, bit odd. Yeah, what else? Pardon? No, no, what else? What else for the costume? Nothing? So just pink wirefronts? For my boy. Okay, fine. Okay, I'll just send him out in front of a room of a room of 200 adults, just in his pants. What a weird selection. What's. th. th up just putting on like a leotard that's got like a body on it. You know, like, not like, if you can't have a drone. One of those comedy aprons with a naked body on. Yeah, like, gazzle lads of all like the tits. Yeah, exactly.

A seven-year-old boy wearing an apron with big tits on it. That sounds like a perfect... that's actually not as weird as just the pants. No, I'd say that's a positive. That's a bit of a laugh, but that is, that is insane. If you've had any like costume disasters or any school, if you've had to make a costume for children at school or it's gone wrong in some way or you've got anything on the things we've discussed this is how to get in touch. on the things we've discussed. This is how to get in toucest. Email us, hello at lockdownparentin.co.uk. Or we're on Twitter at lockdown parents. You can also get in touch with us on our PO box. We've got someone who has asked. I just heard Pido box then. Sorry. I just like so it's pretty charged. We're just to be very clear. It's the opposite of what we're trying to achieve here.

We have not got a P.O. Box. You've got a P. O. Box. to. Do you want the P.O. Box. N. O. N. N. O. Box. N. O. N. C. A. N. C. B. the. N. N. N. N. to. to. to. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. I. I. B. B. B. B. B. B. I. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B.O. box 76744A, London E.99DW. And we've got an email from someone who is going to send us some bath toys for children, which I'm very excited about, because really, we're only doing this for the kickbacks. I know. You look at James A. Castronetagambling and their food podcast. They've got like spare rooms full of food. Oh, it's unbelievable. It's unbelievable the food they get. We're here for the kickbacks, people. So, you know, that's what the peer box is there for.

And also, any shit art done by your children. Yeah, of course. I know, can I just say that my daughter's currently in the market for a brand new Macbook. book and an iPad so just if any of that but no worries if not but that's what they are into. And a backup for me. Thank you. Thank you for listening. We'll be back on Tuesday. And our guest on Tuesday is Rosie Ramsey the comedian. She's a king of the podcast, we'll be the cune of the podcasts with Chris and she's written

a book and she's got a four-year-old boy called Robin and we can work out the truth behind the Robin Tooth break accident, Josh, quite intrigued about that, aren't we? Robin Tooth. I'm sorry, I was about to say, let's end the podcast. See you on Tuesday. Bye. Bye. We've run out of Banner. Bye.