Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S01 EP31: Jen Brister

Episode Date: August 11, 2020

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' - S01 EP31: Jen BristerJoining us in the studio this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) during the lock down and beyond is the brilliant comedian and writer, Jen Brister. Jen has five year old twin boys with her partner, Chloe, and is the author of the brilliant book 'The Other Mother'. Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx Find out more about the great range of school uniform available from F&F at Tesco here: https://bit.ly/BackToSchoolPC Available in selected larger stores. Subject to availability. Excludes Next.If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent INSTAGRAM: @lockdown_parentingA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Up to 5% off orders and 5% Uber cash back on rides. Not whatever you think University is for. Get Uber won for students. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings May 3. Eligiby and member terms apply. Hello, I'm Josh Riddickum. And I'm Rob Beckett.

Welcome to lockdown. The show in which Rob and I discuss what it's like to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be like to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be a to be a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. thi. the. the. tooo. to. tean. to. te. te. te. te. to. tho. the. the. the. the. it's like to be a parent during lockdown, which I would say can be a little tricky. And so in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation. And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills. Each episode will be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping. Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you the listener with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Hello and welcome to lockdown parenting. What's speaking? Josh. Josh Whitkin. What's speaking? And welcome to lockdown parent in hell with. Rob, Bonn, Beckett.

Josh, Whitakin. Josh, Doc, Whiddickom. Picking. Rob, Rob, Beckett. Picket. And Josh. Whitakam. We got there. We got there.

That house sounded stressel. I could just through the audio. There was another kid there, so it was getting hit, but we got there. That commitment from the parent. I'd have given up, but it was worth it. Excellent work from Sanai. So she's attached a lovely picture of the child who she says is a devil

who gets so upset sometimes especially the beginning of lockdown. She literally starts speaking fire everywhere. I thought that was an excellent um attempt. I admired the lack of kind of quitting on it when it was clearly going badly. Exactly just keep plowing on that's a message of that one. Other people would have just just trimmed that voice memo to the bit that worked but it was nice to see the creative process. Exactly but that's not the kind of people this podcast is for those little fakes and phonies that put their awful you know like Mickey Mouse shaped pancakes out. Oh just did this for the kids this morning. Oh just to do this for the kids this this morning this morning this morning this this morning this this morning th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tho thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the thi. thi. thi. thin. to to toee. toeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeea. thi. thi. the picture of them, not eating it at all, and just licking honey off a spoon. I've, Jacey, just repeated my morning. How are you, Rob? Yeah, good. Not

too bad actually. We're very excited for today. We're doing this Saturday morning, because we're normally do this on a Monday, but I've got a work Monday, I'm filming on Monday, so we're doing it Saturday morning, but very excited, thi.. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to to to thi. thi. thi. thi. to to to to be to be to be to be to be to thi. thi. toe. toe. to to to to to thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi, thi, thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. Just just just-wracking time. We're doing what's known in the trade as a play date, which I don't think existed when we were kids, did it? No, no. I think growing up, it was just like, for me, it was just different family members turned up. And my mom and dad and friend just sat in the house with them. Have you done any, I've not done yet any ones where it's the children that are friends and so the adults are the strangers that come together.

See that is something I fully avoided throughout preschool. I just said to Lou, you deal with that. Because I'm not getting involved because I don't want to tell 15 people what Jimmy Carr's like. So you deal with that but but but but but but but that. But th. But th. But they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their they're they're they're their their their they're they're they're they're they're they're their. their their their their their their. their. their their. their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their. their their their their their their their th. th. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. their. their. their. their. their their their their theto tell 15 people what Jimmy Cars like. So you deal with that, but they're going to school and I said, when they start from school, it's completely 50-50 with birthdays and things like that. So I swirfed it, but from the ages of five, you've got to be involved in that kind of thing. So I haven't had that yet. The issue here is, Josh, I'm, you know, I've done a lot of playdates in my time, I'm sure you have as well, but I want to be second kid now. There's a lot of play here. The issues are, one, our children don't get on.

The issue could be a problem. and neither of us pick up on it properly and then the other parent get annoyed and then you slag me off on the way home through the Blackwall Tunnel. That's another option. On a different podcast? Well, yeah, exactly. So it's actually quite precarious, but I think we're honest enough to talk about it rather, because we can't avoid it, because of the thing, today's today, to thi what, whatever happens it's content, that's the way we've got to view it. If anything, today is tax deductible. That's the main, the way I'm viewing it. Yeah, I bought some pizzas, I could, I could claim that back. You can claim that back, mate.

So how are you feeling? How is your daughter with new people? So she's confidence at nursery, but she's absolutely terrible with strangers. Yes. So I think she's going to just stick to Rose. Sit on your lap for an hour. Yeah, that's classic. Sit on your lap for an hour and you're just thinking like, you're all going like, yeah, but she's normally fun. She's fine, normally. She's a great laugh. She's really good fun. And then just sitting in your head, you go and get off get off off off off off to get off to get off to get off to get off to get off to get off to get off to get off to get off to get off to get off to get off to get off their to get off to get their to get to get to get to get to get their to get to get to get their their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th their th the the their th thea. thea. thea. the You look, come on. Well, we had this the first kiddie kicks back. So obviously kiddie kicks, like the Premier League, had a COVID-related break. But now project restart has meant that kiddie kicks is back.

Ah, it's back. But your kiddie kicks in East London? Is it like hipster kiddie kicks? What vibe is it? A bit of both? It's a bit of both. Couple of St. Pauley kits, a couple of Hamburg kits, and then like full Chelsea, with Chelsea one-hundred-there's a full Chelsea kit. There's always a full Chelsea kit and an over-eager dad with a Chelsea badge tattooed on his calf at every kid he kittak and he ruins it for everyone. Get stuck in Sienna. Do her!! Do her, th. th! Last week, there was two parents just kicking a ball to each other. And I was like, where's their kid? And then I looked, and their kid was hid behind a tree about 50 yards away. Yeah. So you've got kiddie kicks in and you're coming round.

Well, no, I think we're going to for go kiddie kicks today because we don't want want to put to put to put to go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go the to go to go to go to go to go to go too big pressure. So the first kitty kicks back, she basically, she didn't want to do it for 35 minutes and then she kind of, you know the bit at the end, wait, well, I don't know if they did this when you went, but there's like, everyone will line up and then they'll dribble the ball and then they'll score a goal. And you basically, she was so reluctant we had to swing to kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind mallets to score the... Oh yeah, like... With the predators on? Crying. So she didn't enjoy the first kitty kicks back. So I'm, I'd say, she's not great with the unfamiliar.

Yeah, I don't want to double her up. Also, you've got to drive south of the river in your new car, I'm sure that is... Oh, well, I'll tell you what happened last time. So we drove on my, oh we went to the dentist actually and that was fine but then she watched the iPad or whatever it's, but anyway she watched that the whole way home and then she threw up when, the whole way home and then she had a bottle of water. So on the way home she was sick and it was just sugar water. By car, smell incredible. It smells great.

It was just Harry boar. This is unbelievable. I was like that. I was like, I'm like, I don't actually, I'm actually, I'm actually, I'm actually, I'm actually, I'm actually, I'm actually, I'm actually, I'm actually, I don't, I, I don't, I'm a, I'm a, I'm just, I'm just, I, I, I, I, I'm to. I'm to. I, I, I, I, I'm, I, I, I, I'm to. I'm to. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was, I was. I was, I was, I was, I was, she. I was, she. I was, she. I was, she. I was, she. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I to. I to. I to. I to. I to. I was, I was, I was, I was, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. to to th. to to thi. to thi. to to thi. to clear it out. I think she's done as a favourite. It smells prey. Well it wasn't like that. So she threw up a combination of Pratt, Mac and cheese and watermelon. What? You are breeding a hipster already. What pre? That's what it is. Give me, can you say that's what it is? Oh, sorry. What should I've done, taking her to Greg's? Ha ha ha ha ha! I don't. I don't. I've that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to th. to that. to that. to to to to to that. to to to th. that. to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Pr. Pr. Pr. Pr. Pr. Pr. Pr. Pr. Pr. Pr. Pr. Pr. Pr. Pr. What, I've th. Pr. What, I've th. What, I've th. What, I've th. I've th. I've that. I've to. I've to. I've to. I've to. I've to. I've to. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I'm. What, to. What to. What to. a message. I've not seen this done before Josh where you said, can you send a message of the girl saying hello to my daughter so she knows who she's going around to see? Is this a new thing? It's quite a good idea but I've never thought of it before.

Well, she likes videos of other children. Yeah. So she likes watching that. And I just thought it would kind of plant the seed as to who she was going to see.. I to see see see see see see see see see see see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see. to see. I the to see. I to see. I the the to see. I the to see. I the th. I th. It's to th. It's to th. It's the the thi. It's to to th. I's to th. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I's. I's. I's the the the the the the the to to to to th. I'm to th. I'm to to to to to to to to th. I've to th. I've to th. I've th. I've the the the the the the th. I've the. I just thought it would kind of plant the seed as to who she was going to see. I felt it was a bit of online dating. What about kids? Yeah, she's chosen one of the two that she likes. Yeah, sorry, that she actually wants to be friends with the youngest. So you go over there and play with your toys. But it worked though, they were, because they were like excited to see this and oh when yeah it was great old message um and they're full on they Josh did you get that yeah do you know what I if anything I thought the video is actually set her back in terms of

confidence already well the problem with mine is one they're genetically related to me which is the volume and the annoying vibe but also we've had builders in our house for like since the younger, so like about four years on and off, we've had builders and someone come, because it's take, when you get loads like a house done, they're always coming back for snagging and stuff and then we've had garden guns, we've basically had builders in and out of our house the last four years. So they've got the confidence of like an apprentice on a building site. It's because all the people come and go, hello, you're all right? And they're like, hello, mate, as it can? They're like doing things, you know, like cutting bags and cement over their head,

getting them to kick stuff that's already cemented in the ground, all that kind of stuff. So they're very confident in their own house. They're thathee. They're a bit a a that's a thiii. If thi. If thathea. If that. that. that. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tha. tha. tha. tha. they're like, they're like, they're like. that. that. they're like, they're like, they're, they're, they're, they're, th. tho. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. They're like. tha. They're like. They're tha. to. to. to. to. to. too. tooooooooooooooooooooo. They're tha. tha. tha. tha. going, but the eldest wasn't like that. It was only once you got, them both got a bit older and they're together. Do you think having two together as double, confidence in numbers is not the phrase, but you know, whatever. Yeah, I think so, and I think the youngest sort of follows the eldest one. That's what mine are like anyway, follow the eldest around, but our one holds her own. So I think she could be the worst one.

On Friday, we'll obviously, we'll update on how it went. Anyone who's got any stories of playdates gone wrong? Oh, please. Please, that's what we're looking for. This is how you would get in touch about that. Email us, hello at lockdownparentin.cold at UK, or tweet us at lockdown parents, or Instagram lockdown underscore parenting, and you can also send the stuff, PO box 76748, London E99DW. Also Josh, people are going mad for the old Instagram, nearly 4,000 followers.

Bloody out. And up there for you guys is the picture of Josh's boiler. There's also the pictures, I could remember what they were called, you know, the tiger. I should update you that the boiler's fixed. Oh, the boiler's fixed. You got a hot water. Yeah, and I should update you that the in through the pipe and they liked to die in a hot area so he died on top of the... Oh so he was old age he just went out he basically

took himself off to a to your own personal crematorium. Exactly it was actually it's quite a heartwarming story. Oh poor little fell he just went there and died in heat. It's lovely in a way isn't it? What did you do in the Nashiberium? I'm not going to lie, my wife dealt with a situation I couldn't deal with it. Fed it to the snails. Anyway, yeah, so go to Instagram. It's flying up before we know it, it'll be an influencer. Oh, I tell you what, my ultimate dream is we do a Johnson's, some sort of Johnson's advert on Instagram Instagram on on on on Instagram on Instagram on Instagram on Instagram on Instagram on Instagram on Instagram on Instagram on Instagram on Instagram on the Instagram on the Instagram on the Instagram on the Instagram on the Instagram, on the the the tow on tell you what, my ultimate dream is we do a Johnson's, some sort of Johnson's advert on Instagram, like one of them Tauie people. Me and you in a bath together. It leaves our skin soft, isn't it, Josh? Do you know what, if the money was right, I wouldn't say no?

Do you know what? I'd rather do that because I, we're pretty big deals. Joe Rogan's got 10 million, but let's not get bogged down by numbers. No, maybe we need to let you smoke weed with Bernie Sanders or whatever he does for them. I might smoke weed with Post Malone and chat about masks and see if that helps with listeners. Anyway, we should crack on with our guests here, should we? She's absolutely brilliant. A told thrown thii. Also, she has written a book about the experience of parenting. So, you know, she knows far more about it than us, although it does sound like the book.

Just details a lot of disasters, which is what we're looking for. This is the amazing Jen Brister. Hello, Jen Bristor. How are you? Oh, hi, I'm okay. How are you? You sound like a robot, Jen. I feel a bit like a robot. I feel like my entire lockdown has been struggling to homeschool my children and doing podcasts.

That's what I've been doing. I don't have a job anymore, so this is now what I do. But now you can combine the two into one podcast about homeschooling your children. It's all come together. I know the serendipity of it all. Jen, can you explain to us in the distance your set up at home with your kids and stuff? Yes, I can. I am sharing my home with my ever patient girlfriend and our two five-year-old twin boys and it's fun time. Oh, five-year- old two- sorry because it's actually your life but I shuddered. I'm sorry. I'm straight in with the empathy that I love it. I did a live version you know when you read an interview so I go, no fucking hell five five five y'all three dishes having a shocker that that but sorry you're saying out loud. It's all thi thi tho's th. Oh th. th. th. th. th. How th. How th. How th. How th. How thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the thi. the the the the the the thi. thi. the the thi. thi. thi. the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. t. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. No, it's all right, I'm living it. I know it, I feel it.

And how has it been then? So have you been in homeschooled with a five-year-old? Oh God, yeah. Oh my god. Yeah, I have and I am shit at it. And I am so shit at it. It's just that they don't respect you, the kids. I mean, not seem th th th th th th th they don't th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, tho, tho, their, their, their, how th, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how th, how th, how th, how th, how th, how th, how th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. How, th. How thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, thoooooooooooooooooooooo, thoooooooooooooo, thoo, tha, tha, tha, not your kids, my kids. They don't seem to respect parents when they're home school. I spoke to them to a few parents and they're like, oh, fuck it, I gave up after two days. Just try and teach them stuff, because they've got to teach them how to read. Everyone's going out five, you don't have to do anything, mate, just they're they can't have to have to have to have to have to do it to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to teach them things like phonic, jolly, I mean the jolly bit fucked off a wild day, I'll tell you, it's just, it's just a horror show and they don't, like,

honestly if I'm trying to tell them to do anything, like, I don't want to do that in any way you smell of poo, and it's like... Oh, they love you're struggling to home school if you didn't smoke, no. To be fair, I've seen your stand-up, Jen, and there is a routine about you actually swelling of poo, so I think they may be accurate in that. Well, and whose poo is it? It's not my poo. I'm not like just slinging my poo around the house. It's their bloody poo. We don't say bumhole, we just say bottom and I went was too late so bum holes out and that's it. The great word though, isn't it? You forget how funny bum hole is. Could you use

that to teach them all the different sounds and you could say. They're what they're phonics. And then it'd be a great chance to in September and I'm already, I don't understand this phonics thing where you learn the alphabet, like ABC, but you, for anyone it didn't know what it was, that's the English one, I'm working on the Greek, but you learn all those sounds for A, B, B, C, but it's actually Abacca, is that right? Well, yeah, but it's also more complicated than that. So you're learning sounds when you like, say you've got I-G-H together, then they have to learn that that is,

that sound is I, or if there's an O and a W is together, that that can be the end, like actually bumhole is a very good example. Now we've got... Let's explore the bumhole. Let's explore bumhole because there's a magic E at the end of whole so the O so the O is instead of being an O becomes an O so it's not Hull, it's, what is it, kids? Hull! That's right, it's bumhole. So we're all learning something. We had magic E when I was growing up. Did the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thage. thage. the the th. the the th. the th. the the th. th. the magic e. th. the magic e. So, th. the magic e. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. th. th. the magic. the magic. the magic. So, there's there's there's there's there's there's the magic. So, the magic. So, the magic e. So, the the the the th. So, th. So, the th. It is the the the the the the the th. It is the th. It's th. It's the th. It's th. It's magic e. It's magic e. It's magic e. It's magic e. It's magic e. It's magic e. Oh, the. Oh, the. It's magic e. Oh, the the. Oh, watch the look and read BBC TV shows at school? So it'd be like Badger Girl or Jordy Racer or something? No, I'm like 10 years older than you, so I don't think it's bad. Badger girl sounds like a TikTok star. She just, you know, documents the badgers in her garden.

It's not a euphemism. Well, I struggled in reading, spoiler alert, as a kid, and that's going to learn in Sir Paul, and we used to read the Biff Chip and Kippur books. My kids are reading those. Yeah, all I remember was they went, okay, you're going to go for private one-on-one readings, you know, I struck because I'm dyslexic, so I struggled with the reading. And the book was just, I was th. I was th. I was th. I was thi books, I was thi, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I'm dislexic, I'm dis-in, I was with the reading and the book was just bigger. It wasn't an easier book or special art and still was just the same book with one person just pointing at the word. That's an audition I needed. Are they taking it in with a homeschooling or not or not at all? Well we did we did sort of persist with it. I think just a lot of people like, oh we didn't bother, but I just had to create some sort of shape for the day.

Do you know what I mean? Just waking up every day and going, right, it's just going to be a day of chaos and like, I needed to go right. We wake up in the morning, we have breakfast and then we do do like at least a couple of hours. So we have, we have kept going with it, but it's been fucking torture. It's like, yeah. I suppose you're not, because we weren't working as stand-ups, it's like you did have, you couldn't even blame working from home on it. Oh, you couldn't be like, oh, we can't do it because I've got, you know, that deadline. Yeah, exactly. I've got nothing. I. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the to. the to. the the to. the to. to. the the to be. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. the their. the the their. their. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. the the the the the the the the the the the the their. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's, the the the to. to. to. to. to. toooooooooooo. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. was like I'm legitimately I've got to go and have some time in the toilet by myself, you know, just but I mean that literally for the first two months I said to Clove the only time I have on my own is when I'm having a poo and we should get locks on the doors because they're still coming in. Oh God that is awful. And what does your that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the that that the that that that that the that is that that that th. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th is just. th is just. th is just. th. th. th. thi. to. to. to. to is to. to. toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. t. t. t. t. Jen, she working full-time. Well she started working pretty much full-time after a couple, I think after about two months she started, a bit of work started coming, she's got her own business. So then I had... I thought it was after the babies then? No, it was two months after lockdown.

It was actually. I'm fine, I'm fine. She did. Well, she works from home anyway, they that the children a lot. thii. Well, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, she, she, she, she, she's, she's that, she's that, she's that, she's that, she's tho, she's their, she's their work, she's their work, she's their work, she's their work, she's their work, she's their work, she's their work, she's their their, she's their, she's their, she's their, she's, she's, she's their, she's, she's, she's, she's to to to to to to to to me. to me. toe. to me, she's toea. their. that. that, she's their that, she's that, she's thoomoomoomorrow. thoomorrow, she's their their their their their their had them alone And are they back at school now? Well, this is a thing they they are reception So reception and was it year one and year six with the the classes that was supposed to go back But their school just didn't open. Oh, they went back this is they went back for two and a half hours the week before there's some holidays and if anything that was that was that was that was that was that was that that th th th that was th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. the the the the the the the the they. their their their their their their their their their their their they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they's they's they're they's their. they're they're their. they're they. they're they. they're they're they. to to to to to to the. the. to the. thea. thea. thea. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're the week before the summer holidays and if anything that was an inconvenience so I was really hacked off about that so they're not going to have been to school from sort of the middle of March to when they go back in September it's gonna be weird for them. Do you know what parents will have this for like my brother was the youngest in his year and my mom just said that forever even now if he like comes in drunk well but I think parents are going to have that thing gone well they did miss those four months so they do anything wrong like what do you expect they are there are the children of COVID you know. Another burglar in a tripomor but he did have four months of school so it's hard

you know come back from that even though they're obviously they're twins Jan but are they how different are they they're different they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their their their their their their they're their they're their they're their their they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their their they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their their their their their their their their their their ttw. tw. tw. thea. thea. their thea. their their their their their their their their they're they're they're they're they're they in their reaction to it? Do you teach them together or are they kind of... Oh they're completely different in every... they don't look at... Because they're fraternal twins because it was IVF so well obviously it wasn't a natural conception. And if it was from a same-sex couple, that would be the first first, how does that happen? Let's keep rubbing until we start far. No.

So what's the difference? Because I'm not a bit of ignorant to this. So what's the difference from an IVF twins as opposed to sort of natural twins as as it were. Sorry if that's the right terminology. If you're having a sort of natural conception and you're having sex and that's how you conceive, if you're doing it with IVF, what you do is you have, you spend thousands and thousands and thousands of pounds and cross your fingers that something fucking happens.

But it's, you go, it's a clinic and then you're, we bought sperm from the internet. But you don't actually, you don't physically do that, right? You don't, it doesn't arrive. Amazon. You must get Amazon Prime. You know, you've got to keep it. Do you know what? It's not that different.

No, no, I know, I know you're going, what do you do? What do you do. Really? How much? How much is it? Oh, liters of it. No, it is a litre. It's been a long lockdown. Listen, we needed as much as we could get. No, there are lots of different sperm banks and it depends on which sperm bank you go to, but basically they have an online, I suppose, I want to say magazine, that's not brochure, something, and you can pick... Do they have like star ratings? Trust pilot? They they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th. I I I th. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the. I the. I the. the. the. theate. theate. thease thease theate. thease theate. the. th. Do they have like star ratings? Trust Pilot. They kind of do. I mean, in as much as you can see how popular that sperm is.

I mean, I'd get one off, I'd get one of checker trade, so I've got somebody's Andy in the out. Perhaps I'd want to try, I've got enough sort of gobbby talking people in our family. weak, I to to to to th so th so that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thoes. I've thoes. I've got sooomks. I've got thoombs. I've got thoombsoomatheats. I've got thoomats. I've got thoomats. I've got thoomats. I've got thatheats. I've got thatheats. I've got thi. I've got thi. I've got thi. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've thathapapapy. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got got got got got got to to to tooomorrow. tooomorrow. tooomorrow. tooomorrow. tooomorrow. I've got tooomorrow. I've got to thoenen. I need some of these skills. You'd get mixed messages really. I've got I got three off this donor. The first one was an absolute dream but the last two I'm honest with a pair of quick. It's 50-50. What did you know about your sperm? So what you don't get, you have no idea what your donor looks like. So what you will get is information, and again this really depends on the sperm bank how much the information they get they give you so we went to the European sperm bank specifically because you get the most information about the donor so right yeah and you get sort of information about their parents sort of health

you know if there's any I don't know like dementia or cancer or anything like that in the family so I think you go back like the parents and then the grandparents and then you can the the they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they the the the the the the th their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th th. the. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. thooooo. the. the. thoooooooo. their their their the you go back like the parents and then the grandparents and then you can what they look like, what they do for a living, interests, all that sort of stuff. And then you get a photograph of them as a baby so you can kind of get an idea. So I mean we were a bit cruel because there was a couple of babies that were completely boss-eyed and we were like, oh. If you're like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, th. th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. th. Andve that. If you're paying for it, you're allowed to choose as far as I'm concerned. I mean, the irony is, one of ours is boss-eyed now, so that was, right, yeah, it's a calmer. There we go.

I mean, like, you can spend weeks and months deciding, and then in the end, it's kind of, I don't know if other people agree with me, to be, thrown, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, end up with, you're not going to be like, oh, I wish we'd gone for, you know, Jeff, he was, he'd love, he and nicer eyes. You're going to be like, oh, this is my baby. So, um, yeah, I can't even tell you how we chose our sperm donor. I think we just went, oh, fuck it him. You know, I think it was just some call with IVF you sometimes is more chance of twins? It's not like an option you pick like twins are in the family. Again it is an option we picked because you can choose I don't know if you can still do this I'm not sure but you can put two high level by one get one free eat out to help out well well done Jen So that's that's an option is it? Well done, Jay. Well, it depends how many you get, right?

So you get, you get, depends how many embryos you get. So once you go through the process of IVF, right? And then you end up with however many embryos you do. And then we went through one round of IVF and it was unsuccessful. No, we'd been through two rounds of IVF and it'd been unsuccessful. And we were like, oh, fuck this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th is, th is thi, thi, thus, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's that's thus, th. And then we went through one round of IVF and it was unsuccessful. And we were like, oh fuck this, this is costing a fortune. So the third round, Chloe is like, I'm gonna stick two embryos in. And I was like, ugh, I feel. Double dropping. It's up being at a festival. I'm not feeling it. And if you, and if you just waited an hour, that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one was, I that one, I was, I was, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I'm to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to they. Cl. Clo, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was th. Cl. Cl. Cl. Cl. Cl. Cl. Cl. Clo, I was th. Clo, I was th. Clo, th. Clo, th. Clo, th. Clo, th. Clo, th. Clo, th. Clo, th. Clo, th. Clo. Clo. Clo. Clo. Clo, I was th. Clo. Clo. Clo. Clo, th. Clo. Clo, th. Clo, th. Clo, that one would have been fine. We've got two now. And I like, gurney your tits are going, oh, I wish I'd just stuck to one.

So yeah, that's basically what happened. Yeah. Wow. But it's nice, so they've got like, because also, you know, it's a costly process. And if you wanted your kids to have siblings and stuff. Which we would have done it again. We, we, we, we, we, we, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, we, we, because, because, we, because, we, to, to, to, to, to, two, two, we, we've, we've got, we've got, we've got, we've got, we've got two, we've got two, we've got two, we've got two, we've got two, we've got, we've got, we've got, we've got, we've got, we've got two, we've got two, we've got two, we've got two, we've got two, we've got two, we've got two, we've got two, we've got two, we've got two, we've got two, we've got two, we've got two. We've got two. We've got two two two two to, we've got to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to have got to have got to, two, to have got two, we've got two, we've got two, we've got to have got two, we've got two, we've got two. We've got to. We've got like, because also, you know, it's a costly process and if you wanted them, your kids have siblings and stuff. At least we would have done it again. We would have, because we did want to. So we would have gone through the whole, well I say we, I mean, I don't know what I keep saying, we, I was like completely not involved.

But Chloe would have done, gone it called? It's called the Other Mother. The Other Mother. Okay, right. I talk about all of this in the book. Fair enough. Okay, we're going to ask away. So ask away. Well, no, just who decided who was going to carry it? Did you have a conversation about it and I really was not, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, okay, to, to, to, to, okay, the, okay, okay, to, to, to, okay, okay, okay, to, okay, to, to, okay, okay, right, right, right, right, right, right, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, to, to, to, to, to, to, right, to, right, right, right, to, right, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, to, the, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the embryos, get the embryos. No, we talked about it and I was not indifferent, but I really wasn't bothered.

And Clow made it clear that it was really important to her to get pregnant and to know what that was like and everything. So I was like, well then that's a decision, we've done it and we don't have to overthink it. Was there any points in the pregnancy where she thoed thoe thoe? th it so. Was there any points in the pregnancy where she thought I've really misjudged this? Oh what probably during the second trimester when she kept fainting. Yeah. Oh God bless. Because the I think because having two there was a lot of pressure on whatever position they were in was that was really putting pressure on her lungs so it was making it harder for her to sort of catch her breath. So there were for like literally three months in the within the pregnancy

she was just fainting. So at that point she was probably like oh this was a terrible mistake but generally she that's how she talks. She did she did but I think she really genuinely think she enjoyed the pregnancy and I know a lot of women have a really awful time during pregnancy, but I think Chloe quite enjoyed it. But it was like any pregnancy, I think that that last week or that last two weeks, she was like, get them out. Yeah.

Get them out. It's like being on an holiday, you don't want to go home. But once you're at the airport, I just I I I I I I I I I I thap thap th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th. th. th. th. th. that th. th. th. th. that th. that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi tha. I tha. I tha. I tha. I tha. I tha, I just want to be indoors now. I've had a good time, want to get in. Yeah, it's exactly like that. I was going to ask Jen because my daughter's starting school in September. And you see a lot of people sort of like, oh my God, it's far too young from to go. They, they're still babies, but I don't know how you felt. Would you, would you, would you, you, or, or, or, or, or, or, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. I. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's, I. It. It's, I. It's, I. It's, I'm, to. It's, to.a.a.a. It's.a. It's. It's. It's. It's, to. It's. It's. It's, to. to. to. to. to. to. to Was you happy from to go at five or would you, you know, or do you think it was too young? No, but our two are, I guess, sort of the oldest in their year.

So they were born in September. So like an extra six months makes all the difference at that age. And so some of the kids that were maybe born in like March, April, you know, leaving, you know, their mom or their dad at the school guest. I was gonna say the church gates, Jesus Christ. That's my Catholic school upbringing just came up to the four though. And over to the nuns. I love you really, but, but I,

mom deserves a life. Yeah, I've only sent you here so you realize how much I love you. So I didn't feel like that and our two were definitely ready and they were bored at nursery they kept coming home going oh nursery it's really boring so they were ready for school. That's not to say that they didn't have a little bit of you know anxiety and a little bit of you know one of them definitely found it a bit trickier when we leave them but they're theyn't theyn't. they they're definitely definitely definitely definitely definitely definitely definitely definitely definitely definitely definitely definitely they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're. they're their. their. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're. they're. they're. they're. they're they're they're they're they're their. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their. they're their. I I I I I their. th. their. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. the. the. the th the. the. they're they're the they're they're they're they're the ones that when you leave them and it is heartbreaking even when it's not your kid you see a little kid just going mommy I please don't leave me it's like oh my god you poor thing you see mom's like crying as they leave the school do you know that like about 10

minutes later the kid is like yeah it's for the parents his own issue than the kids it's actually really hard as a parent to leave your kid because you you you you you you you actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're th th th is actually actually that that that that that that that that that they're they're they're they're they're they're they of a wrench even though there's another bit of you that's like thank fuck for that. And also that school time where you think that's like nine to three or whatever it is. Jesus Christ, that is no time to get anything done. No, it doesn't feel long enough does it? It's not enough, especially if you're up nursery you used to picking them up at like five or six or six or six or six or six or six or six or six or six or six or six or six or six or six or six or six or six or six or six or six or six or six or six or six or six or six or six or six or six or six or something. Their preschool that ours go to is only nine till three, so we've never had the full day one. And I think going from a six pickup to three, that it must be brutal.

Oh my, it just feels like a half day. On Friday I dropped my daughter at, I was, she was the first there at 8.31. To the point where when I was walking up, was like, oh no is it like not open or something today? It was like a ghost town. I've done that Josh when we, me and the kids were sitting outside the nursery waiting for it to open because I was like, you just go get out. I've not watched it to do. I can't be in the house of them anymore. It's like when the new iPhones launched. I felt like that person outside the Apple shop with my kids.

Yeah. Camping out overnight. But yeah, I'm dreading that kind of drug. Because I was talking to my friend who, and she was like, oh I bet it's when they're at school and stuff and she's like, no, because at nursery it's full long days and there's no holidays. Yeah. You're staring down. I mean, obviously obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, the the tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, I's, I's, I's their, I's their, I's their, I's their, I's their, I's their, I's their, I's, I's their, I's their, I's their, I's their, I's their, I's their, I's their, I's their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their, their their their, their, their, their, their, their, camping their, camping their, their's full long days and there's no holidays. Yeah. Oh God, yeah. I mean, obviously you've been staring down the barrel since mid-March,

but summer holidays, that's six weeks. That's just unacceptable. That's insane. It's unacceptable. Exactly. And so then you start doing stuff where you go, well, we've got to stick them in something. What we can't st st st st to st to to to to st stick to to st stick to to to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick the to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick to stick. to stick. to stick. to stick. to stick. to stick. the to stick. the the to stick. the th. to stick. to stick to stick the to stick to the thi. the the. the the. the the thi. the. the the. the thi. the. the. the. th've got to stick him in some, what can we do is stick him in a play scheme or stick him in a... Jim Cresh, Jim Cresh, join a gym with a crash, Jim Cresch. I'll just sit quickly so no one else finds out so don't get booked up, but get a Jim Cresh. They love it. A couple of hours. Don't even go to the gym just have a crash. A local gym has got a crash. Are they a local gym a local gym. A local the local tha the local tha tha th. A local local th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A thi thi th. A thi. A thi. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th th th th th thin thin th th th th th th th th th th th th th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thin thin thin thin thin thin the the thin the thin to to to te to try to try to to to try to to try thin to the thin the the it's worth it if someone takes two children away for two hours. I was going to say, they don't know why it was. They've been looked after all

like kind of beefcake people that also like work in the gym. Yeah, I mean they have to do a spin class but they seem to like it. Absolutely jacks at the end of summer on the days. They've been to the end of summer holidays. Like they've been to prison all ripped. They've been wretched in a gym crash. Do you find they gang up on you, Jen? Because mine, I've got a four year old and a two year old, and they gang up on us and like, you know, sort of can, when they're overexcited, and they just sort of bully us with energy when we're naked. So how do to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their to find to find to find, to find, their, how do their, their, their, their, how do their, how do their, how do their, how do their, how do, how do their, how do, how do, how do, how do their, how their, how their, how their, how their, how their, how, how, how, how, how their, how, how their, how their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their........ How do you their they they're their they're their their their their their their their their their their their, their, their, yeah. I'm not the most patient of human beings,

or that's not something that I ever thought I possessed, but I feel like parenthood has really brought that out in me. So I, in a way, there's a bit of me that really, obviously, I would have said this pre-lockdown, I mean, that's been four months of it, so I'm over it, but that their energy I've really I've really I've really thi I've really thi I've really thi I've really that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi, I've that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's been that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th.... th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. thean. their thean. thean. thean. thean. thean. that's that's thean. that's that's that's that energy I've really enjoyed you know that kind of they're constantly excited or about everything and everything is fun and everything is great and everything is new and I've really enjoyed that I mean now I'm like come on what you've never seen a fucking button before come on it's it's just it looks like a marble it's a button okay can we just move on? But I've been really enjoyed that. So Josh, you've got a daughter, haven't you?

I've got one daughters, yeah. Rob, you've got a daughter and it's... Two daughters, yeah. You've got two daughters. I don't, obviously I don't know what daughters are like, but boys are like, you have to kind of run him like dogs. So you've got to take him out and just run him. Just go and run him. Just go and run him. just go, run, run, then like bedtime is hell on earth and they just get really fractured and then they start fighting and so all we do is find different ways to take them out somewhere where they can just run around. Start having a sheepdog. Yeah, exactly. You've got to tie them out. Exactly. But I've sort of enjoyed it. But they do of course. And they're starting to, and the boys are a a little a little a little a little a little to a little to a little to a little to to to to to to to their to their their their their their their their their their their their their to be, to be, to be, no, no, no, the, the, thi. thi. to, to be, thi. to, their thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi. thi, thi, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi. thi. the, the, the. the. the. theateatea. thea. thea. thea. throooooooooooooooooooooooooooooe. And, sort of enjoyed it but they do of course and they're starting to and then boys are a little bit no offense slower than girls so they're starting to figure out what they need to do to get what they want.

Oh okay. No I am actually Jen I am offended by that so if you'd like to take that absolutely not gonna retract that. I'm wedded to that opinion. I'm wedded to that. I'm we that. I'm we that. I'm we that. I'm we that. I'm we that. I'm we that. I'm we that. I'm we that. I'm we that. I'm we're wetted that. I'm we're wetted to to to to to to to to to to to to to that. I'm we're to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to that. I'm wed. I'm wed that. I'm wed that. I'm wed that. I'm wed to to that. I'm wed to that. I'm wed that. I'm wed that. I'm wed that. I'm wed that. I'm wed that that that that that that that that that that thed that the. I'm wetted the. I'm wetted the. I'm wetted the. I'm weared thee. I'm weaded theeeared the. I'm we. I'm we. I'm we. I'm we. I'm we to that opinion. Do you know how difficult it is, Rasmanjah? I can only imagine, Josh. I can only imagine. What was it like having, because I just can't comprehend having been through the first year of having a baby, what it would be like to have to there? It was hell. Was it? Yeah, actual hell. Like, what did you, how does it,, I don't understand the logistics of how it's

even possible with like sleeping and bed time, because what, are they both in your bedroom and then one's crying and is waking up the other and then it just seems so unfair, Jack. Well, I'm gonna, I'm gonna say Josh, that's how I felt. I did a lot of a lot of weeping and say why. To be fair, actually I don't think they used to wake each other up because they they're they're like, to be. I don't think they used to wake up because they they're they're, they're, they're like, what I'll do is I'll go that way we might kill her you know that's what it felt like so what would happen is and they didn't really both sleep through the night until they were nearly three but that first year I don't remember that year at all like I would say 2014 to

2016 I don't remember because I just didn't sleep for three years you must have woken up in 2017 and gone. what the fuck has th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th f f f f f fcock th thu- thu- thu- thu- thu- tho- tho- tho tho tho tho that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th th th th th th th th th th th th tho tho tho tho thu tho thu tho tho tho tho' tho-wo' tho' tho' tho' tho tho' tho' tho' tho' th I just didn't sleep for three years. You must have woken up in 2017 and gone, what the fuck has happened politically to the world? What? Rex what? What's going on? Genuinely, I did feel like everything like people like, people like, oh did you watch that movie? I was like, nope. I mean, like literally all I wanted to to do was sleep. If there was an option of doing anything, I'd be like,, do like, do like, do like, do like, do like, do what, do like, do like, do like, do like, do like, do what, do like, do like, do like, do thi, do like, do like, do like, do like, do like, do like, do like, do like, do like, do like, do like, do like, do like, do like, do like, do like, do like, do like, do, do, the the the the the the the the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, that TV show? I was like, nope. I mean, like, literally all I wanted to do was sleep. If there was an option of doing anything, I'll be like, do you know what, I'll swerve that and I'll just have a tip. That's all I wanted. And if you can imagine, I suppose you just get them down to sleep you're like, oh thank fuck for that. And then you just crawl into bed and

I could go to sleep immediately and you'd just be slipping into the deepest, darkest, loveliest, like, aw-ah, just almost sexual sleep, like, ugh, it's just being swallowed up and then you'd just hear, ah, and then you'd have to crawl out of it to crawl out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out to crawl out out to crawl out out to crawl out to crawl out of it their their their their their their to crawl out to crawl out to crawl out out out out out out out out out out out out their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their to their their to to to to their, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their, their, their, their, their, their, their s. their s. For years. Oh. But I do remember pretty much any time that Clow and I went, let's just do something. Let's not let our children limit us. Let's do something that we normally do, like going out for a meal or we stupidly went on holiday to a cottage in Dorset, which was not a fucking holiday. Anything that we decided to do that was like, let's, let's go out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out, to to to to to to to to to to to to to on holiday to a cottage in Dorset, which was not a fucking holiday. Anything that we decided to do that was like, let's go out to Pizza Express and we see people with the children was always like absolute fucking hell. It was hell. The children never, we'd buy them food, they wouldn't eat it, they were chucking crayons, they'd crawl on the floor, they'd eat the table. They'd lick, they'd lick, they'd find, the food, the food, the food, the food, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they were chucking crayons, they'd crawl on the floor, they'd eat the table leg, they'd lick, they'd find food on the floor and lick it off the floor but they wouldn't eat

what was on their play. They were, they'd, we'd give them a baby Chino that would end up all over them. And then the whole time like you're not eating anything. You're not, and then at the end, the end, the end, the end, the end, the end, the end, the end, the end, the end, the end, the end, the end, the end, the end, the end, the end, the end, the end, the end, the the the the the the the they, the thin, the they'd, they'd, they'd, they'd, they'd, they'd, they'd, they'd, they'd, they'd, they'd, they'd, they'd, they'd, they'd, they'd, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd their, their, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, find, This is worth day of my life, you know. And so all of those experiences were like, we wouldn't, that kind of feeling where you go, all of those things that we used to enjoy, like weekends away or meals out, they've gone. Have they gone forever? You know, I mean, they haven't. But at that point, we were like, oh we've this is we have made a terrible mistake you know this is our lives are shit but obviously it doesn't stay like that but when you're in it

and also the whole time and I don't know if you've experienced this where people like your mates whose children are older or even your parents say things like enjoy this bit because this bit goes make the most of it when they're this age and you're like it doesn't fly by when the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're to to to to to to toeee. toeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. toe. toe. the. the. the. the. to're this age and you're like it doesn't fly by when your days 22 hours long all right? Just drags! I remember people you know when you like you have a really young baby there's all these kind of all you need to do is get to six weeks and stuff like that. Oh and even that I'd be like six weeks are you fucking that are so far away. I think I could do this for 12 hours. Weeks? I know and they say to you you you you you you you you you you you like like like like like you you like they're like they're like they're like they're like they're like they're like they're like they're like they're they're like they're like they're like they're like they're like they're like to they're like to to to to to they're they're they're like they're like they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they're they they they they're they they they they they're they this for 12 hours. Weeks? Weeks, weeks, weeks. I know.

And they say to you like, so they'll sleep a bit longer at six weeks. Six by six months, they'll be sleeping through the night by a year you'll get your life back to normal. We got to like six months and be like, these bricks are still not sleeping more two hours. Just my advice is it's really, really shit and if you get anything that you enjoy out of it, good luck. That's great. Hang on to that.

But those people that go like, oh, could you kill baby Hitler? In the day, probably not. Middle of the night, yes. Without hesitation. Without hesitation. And there was one point where like, again, Chloe and I are quite good, so like when one of us is about to lose it, the other one would always pick it up.

But I do remember one time when one of them bit her nipple, and I was like, I'll take over. Yeah. So when you wrote the book, Jen, when you're experiencing it, at what point did you just think you're going to write a book about it? At no point. Chloe was the one. She was like, because we would obviously talk about it and then I would say stuff and then it would make her laugh.

And she'd go, you need to write this stuff down. And I was like, I said, I can't write anything I'm so tired. So she wanted me to keep a diary which I would I've just I'm not one of those people that keep I can't see the point of it and also I never want anyone to know what I don't even want to know what I thought six months ago because it's usually grim. Yeah. Most of my days are shit. Yeah. I don't remember it. I don't have to read it again. I started to write the day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day day the day the day day day the day day day. I. I. I. I the day. I the day. I the day. I the day. I don't enjoy. I don't. I the day. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I the the the the the the the the day. I the day. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I don't the. I don't the. I don't the. I don't the. I don't the. I don't the the the the the the the the the there. I don't read it back. I started to write like a like these little articles for Sarah Millikan's website, standard issue. That's where the book sort of came from. So I'd start writing them and I'd only do like one a month and then obviously the whole parenthood stuff that just became my entire set. You know when you're sometimes with material

you really feel like you're writing it and other times you just feel like you turn up on stage and you just say it and that's what all of this stuff was. I was just turning up on stage and because I was so tired I didn't. Rob's never felt like he's writing it. I was going to say Rob. I don't think. I can't imagine you sitting there with your pen and notepad going, hmm, and the next joke. Yeah, I know. I tried that once. It was the worst stand-up I've ever done.

It was awful. Just, I just go and speak and open for the best for the best for the best, that's my mouth. Well, you're stiffening. Right. Wrigue. Why, I don't, I, why, why, why, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. th. thi. tho. tho. th. Well, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. thi. th. that, I. th. th. th. th. th. th. Well, I. Well, I. Well, I. Well, I. Well, I. Well, I. Well, I. Well, I. Well, I. Well, I. Well, I. Well, I. Well, I. Well, I. Well, I. Well, I. Well, I. Well, I. Well, I'm. Well, I'm. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. tod. toda. try. try. try. try. toda. try. try. th home to Brighton from Southeast London. Oh, I mean that changed my life. I'm not joking actually. I don't know what I'd been doing going straight through London from Brighton and you were like, you're like, the look of incredulity in your face, you're like, what the fuck are you doing that? What you want to do?

Get on the M25 minutes of your journey? Get on to the whatever it is. M23, yeah. And it saved, 45 minutes off your journey? Honestly, I think I texted you when I went, got home, didn't I? I went, mate, I've got home 45 minutes earlier than usual. I was, this is a whole new world. This is a little new London, but Josh, Jen was driving right, but Jen was driving right, just doing it a right. What? What to get to Southeast London? Yeah, rather than A2 M25 straight round and I told you, you know when you see an open goal, it's unbelievable. I just got, man, he's going straight. I'm going to just deliver one of the greatest travel directions of all

time. My only time my dad would have been proud of me. It was literally the most classic green room conversation you've ever heard. Have you not got a sat-nav? Yeah that's what my sat-nav was going that this was the quickest route. Had you marked in your sat-nav like points of interest so you won't see Big Ben as like in Palace on the way? No Rob's exaggerating. I did not go through central London and then back down again but I was going through Edgeware right. But now I realized you was doing that so you could leave the house to the house to get the house to get the house the house to get the house to get the house to get the house to get the house to get the house to get the house to get to get to get the house to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to to get to get the to to to the that that that that that that that that that that that that to have points points points points points. I have like points. I have to have to have to to have to have to to have to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thou thou thou.a.a.a.a.a. I. I.a. I. I. I'm th.a. I. I. I'm to.a. I. I. I'm the. I. I. I'm tome. I. I'm took in the eye and then all the way back around again. But now I realize you was doing that so you could leave the house earlier to get away from twin boys. That's what was that.

It was taking me two hours when it only needed to take me an hour and 15 minutes. Anyway, we've learned a lot. And that basically brought that basically brought up to Bigger. No I do you know going through Campbell on the way to Greenwich you'll be like oh my god I've to say I've not only if I listen to 45 minute podcast I've saved myself 45 minutes on the journey own. I'm doing myself out of work. This is why I don't have a diary because it would be this kind it was all like or can you just go back there? The main stuff, yeah, I remembered a lot of it and also any stuff that I didn't remember Clow was like, oh what you don't remember blah blah blah. I was like, oh my god, that's gold.

Let me take that down. So I was like writing stuff down and then once you start writing stuff. the diary, it does come back. I'm sure sure. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the th. I th. I th. I th. I'm the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. thi. the the thi. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember. I'm th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. I remember. I remember. I remember. written about that would have been funny or would have been because the book is basically a comedy memoir it's not supposed to be you're not supposed to read it and go I've learned so much about parenting from Joan Brista you'll learn nothing it's just supposed to be funny and supposed to be a companion for people that might you know be going through what I'm going through and also I wrote it because I wrote it because th like, oh, I felt very insecure about being a parent because obviously, you know, I've got no biological connection to my children and I'm like, I'm literally completely the spare wheel. I was like, I don't really know what the point of me is in all of this.

And then after they were born, then obviously you have a practical role to play. Because I don't know how you guys, how quickly you connected with your daughters. Still struggling. Josh, I don't believe that. I don't believe that. Can I be honest with you, oh Jen, like you know when they say once you have the baby, you just feel something, I genuinely felt nothing for about six months. Obviously I felt something because they were cute, like you would have a cute baby, but even then I still don't really feel like a connection like them on some sort of biological subconscious level.

It's more just that over time, this lovely little cute things coming to my, that I fell in love with. There was never an initial boom. There's a thing. It was just that thing you just love over time. It's a strange tree, but this is my kid or this, this is a big moment. It was just sort of the best advice I got before having a kid was, don't put pressure on yourself to have this kind of Hollywood moment, if you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah. Because I think there's so much pressure on you. Like, I remember when my friend was having his kid and his mate said to him, you will feel a love, like you've th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thu. thu. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, to have, to have, to have, to have, to have, to have, to have, to to to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, don't, don't, to, don't, don't, don't, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th..... th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, th. to, to, to, I, to to to to to to to to to to to to th to to to th to to to to to to to to to to to to to before the first moment you see that child. And then he kind of ended up like almost beating himself up over the fact that he hadn't felt this kind of insane moment of... No one does. They just say it for attention on Facebook. I was going to say, I think that particularly as the other, you know, like if you're the dad or like me, just the other parent. I think it would be, I just don't know how you would suddenly just, they're like for me, they were just two strangers. Yeah. I don't know them, I've got no, and so for me, I was like, oh, well, that's just because

there's no biological connection and that what, I felt, like my brother was like, oh no, I felt nothing for like the first, what, like, yeah? I'm like, yeah, that's quite a long time. And he was like, no, you know, you feel really protective of your child and you care about them and you don't want anything bad to happen to them and you, you know, he said, but that that feeling that feeling that everyone was that, that, that everyone was that everyone was that everyone was that everyone was that everyone was that everyone was going that everyone was going that everyone was going that everyone was going that everyone was going that everyone was going that everyone was going that everyone was going that everyone was going that everyone was going that. That, he said, that took a lot longer to come. Whereas with Chloe, when the boys were born, and again, it doesn't always happen for the mother either, that's also a myth, but for Chloe, it definitely happened for her, like I could see it, like all the hormones that are produced after a baby is born, she had them like triple, I mean like doubled up, Matt, well obviously

because it was two of them. So she was, she looked like high, like she was on drugs. I think it is different, like genuinely the feeling I had when I got given my daughter was, I felt like I just, I just started a temp job and the boss had give me her kid. And I was like, well I better do this well because I need this money for rent that was my feeling it was what and I've got a thought like you know what I mean there was that I did I've looked after it you know looked after it last four years so you know but it's like yeah and as you grow that for me they love groove at the time there wasn't that emotion but yeah how was you during the did you enjoy the the the the the the birth the birth the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theyfoooooooooooooes of the the the the the how was you during the, did you enjoy the birth? Was it stressful? Was it stressful? Is it? Because I always spoke about it on it before and I find it a very stressful experience even to obviously even just to be watching. Well, I mean, I feel like I got away lightly because

the twins were, but they were both breach and so the hospital just said absolutely no way can we even take it. It don't cancel the other the other the other the other. But the other. But the other. But the other. But the other. But the other. But the other. But the other. But the other? But the other? But the other? But they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they've they they they spoke. But they spoke. But they spoke. But they spoke. But they they they they spoke. But they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're spoke. But. But. We spoke. We've they're they're they're they're their. We've their. We've to spoke. We've to. We've their. We've they're spoke. We've they're they're they're they're. But. no way can we even tell. They don't cancel the other breach out, does it double breach? Is it double breach? Yeah, double breach, so neither of them are breach? That's what a double breach is. Yeah, no breach. So they were like, you can't have a natural birth. There wasn't even an option.

We had a cesarean but that came with its own weirdness because the Cesarin was put in 25th of September then on the 24th of September when we went to sleep we knew that at 930 on the 25th of September we were going to have twin boys and that was weird. That was so weird. You have one last chance to get absolutely hammer.. I imagine what you're nearing hungover. You want to give birth hungover? Oh my God. You'd rather a pizza be delivered at that stage. Also, I mean, you've both seen what happens when a baby's born.

Do you want to be hungover when all that stuff comes out? Oh, oh. I didn't know what a percent of it was until I saw one. Oh my God. I should should the you. Oh my God. I should have read the whole book about Labour. I'll stop after the baby come out. The placenta really is quite. Yeah, you're never ready for a placenta. That's what I've always said. I've lived by that. You should never be the people that are ready for a placenta. You're never ready for a placent. You're never. You. You're. You're. You're. You're. You're. You're. th. th. th. to. th. to. to. the the to. to. to. to. the the to. to. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the to to to the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the baby. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll the the the the to stop. I'll. I'll to stop. I'll to stop. I've. I'll to stop. to stop. to. to. to. to. to to to stop. Also, we've been at school yet as well. How have you approached like this, obviously, you know, having two mums essentially, like that going into school and have they asked questions or how, was it something you was concerned about, you know, when you was deciding to have kids or not, like with the same-sex parents? Yeah, do you know what, That was another worry about the two mums and we are living in Brighton and obviously a very sort of deliberate move because what we wanted it, we wanted our children to be around

other parents, same-sex parents, but as it is with the only same-sex parents that I can see in the whole school. But they have asked questions and they've asked about, but because we have got other mates who have got children and they're, you know, gay couples, for our kids it just feels quite normal and also because all of their peers, you know, know us and so it's normal for them, so no one's kind of gone, why do you have two moms and you don't have a dad? No one said that, tho that their heads, for all of these children......... And thinks, thinks, thinks, that, thi, th. And, th. And, th. And, thi, th. thi, th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, they's, their, th, th, thi, thi, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they's, they's, you their, you their, their, their, you their, their, their, their, their, their, the like in their heads for all of these children that we that my kids sort of bob about with they know that some kids have two moms some kids have two dads some kids have a mom and a dad and so they all just a mom or just a dad and so they they take it all in their stride and they don't really question any of it and I think that's a good thing that that thee their k the the thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the the the the the the the the their the the their the their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the, which is lovely. Yeah, and I think you can always, like, if you're worried about, like, I think sometimes it can always be the parents worry projected onto the kids. And like, kids at school will always be picked on about something or something who brought up about, you know, about even having the wrong

bag. I remember getting bullied for having high-tech socks. Do you know, that's bad. That's bad, the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. I th. I thi. I thi. I th. I th. I thi. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the. I the the the the the the the the the the thi thi thi thi. I thi. I thi. I mean? So whatever, that's fair enough I think. That is bad, isn't it? Yeah, it was a different time back then. I'd have bullied me for that. But like, so like whatever it is, they'll find something. And I, from what I've like sort of observed at school gates, it's very much the parents' own worries and concerns that get projected onto the kids and the kids don't really get like one of my best mates Tim's married to in a gay couple and they're just so just like oh and they're like oh so Tim Tim and Sid are married aren't they they're two husbands and stuff and just like yeah and they're like oh how comes it's like two boys are not a boy and the girl was like oh because some boys are like it doesn't really matter and then they just go all right can have a sandwich. They're just they to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their they're just their their they're their they're just they're just go all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all. to go. to go. to go. they they they can. they're they're they're they're they can. they can. they can. they're. they can. they're. they're. they can. they're. they're they're they're they're they They see that as an opportunity to get a sandwich off. They're absolutely playing.

Also, save sex parents will be so, while the time they're 18, that'll be just... It'll be normal. It'll be so normal. You know what I mean? And it kind of, it's like this generation, our kids generation, because so many of us, like gay couples having children and children, and children, and children, and children, and children, and children, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and thi, and thi, and to, and to, and to to to to be, to be, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be, to to to to to to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to, to, to, to, and, and, to, to, and, and, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their, their their their their their their, their, their, their, thi, and, and they're all about this age now between two, three, four and five that it's not going to be like ooh this a little weird and you know we've done the whole conversation about where babies come from and you know where they came from and how they were born and how it's different

and they you know they just sort of take it in their stride I'm obviously as they get older they're going to have more questions and then I'm the the th I I I I I I I I I I I th I th I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi they they they they they thi they they they they they they they thi they thi they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're thi thi thi thi thi thi the try the try the the thee theee theeee theeee they're they're they're thi they're they're they're going to have more questions and then I'm just going to send them to a therapist and I think that's fine. I think most people need to go to a therapist anyway. Exactly. Exactly. I think it's a healthy way, same way you go to, you know, to chiropratch if you've got a bad back. If you're stressed out, go to go the IVF route and they will have to use donated sperm in order to have kids and stuff that because it's not visit like, like people just as to the two women, it's sort of like okay so and then they sort of ask questions and stuff and they're so many other children that. Yeah, conceived that that. Like. Like. Like. It. It's th. It's th. It's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. the the th. the the the the the the the th. th. the th. th. the th. the the the the the th. th. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. the. the. the. theat. tra. tri. tri. th. thea. theat. the. the. the. the. th other children that... Yeah, conceived that way, yeah. Conceived that way, but it's not spoken about or as obvious because it's same sex is sort of, is asked about where there's plenty of people

that have that way they're conceived. Yeah, but you can, you can preserve your anonymity, can you when you're in any sort of bullying about that, but you know, if it, as and when, if it does happen, but like you said, kids could get bullied about anything. But like you said, kids could get bullied about. Yeah, just like you said, night socks. Just some night socks. Just some night, I had to their times.

As you said, one of their eyes, I was a kid as well, I had the biggest, fattest nipples, you've ever seen, right, to the point where they'll just dominate my chest through a blazer. And I would have swapped them for same-sex parents any day the week it's gone. Do you know what I mean? You've never seen nipples like it. When did you grind your nipples, Robbite? going. 48 they reckon. It was a combination of being overweight, puberty, but they've calmed down a little bit. I've got, I'm fully pubed up now and I've lost a little bit of timber

so they have gone down. So if anyone listening with Big Fat Nips out there, there is the way out. And if you've been at the trigger warning for big fat nip people out there. Yeah, you're going you're going to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to put to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to put a to have to put a to put a to put a to put a to put a to put a trigger a to put a to put a trigger a trigger a trigger a trigger a trigger a trigger a to a to a to a to a little a to a to a to a to a to a to a to a to a to a to a to a to a their a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a their a their a their a their a their a their a their their thiiii.a thrigger thri.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a. toge. the.a. thea. have to put a trigger warning at the front of this podcast, right? Yeah, oh, maybe they'd cover some same sex topic. No, it's about big fat, nip people. I find I've known they were going to cover such sensitive material. I'll never go worse. I'll tell you what, they weren't. I'll, no, no, they weren't, awful. Anyway, let's not get bogged down by that. Jen, this has been amazing. Jen, I've got one last question. Would you want your children to read your book? And how would you feel, if they read the book,

how do you feel they'd feel about it? Once they've learned all think it's mainly a book about me failing as a parent. So I think if they read it, they wouldn't be like, oh mom, why did you say this about me? Be like, mom, why would you admit to being this shit at being a parent? So I'm not worried about that. And I think they will come a point, particularly with my stand-up, where I will just have to knock it on the head the head the head the head the head the head the head the head the head the head, the head, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, to, to, to, to, to, th. And, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. I, to, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. I's, thi. thi. thi. their, thi. thi. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. thi. thi. thi. thi. th and I think they will come a point particularly with my stand-up where I will just have to knock it on the head and not really talk about them because it gets to a point where they they if it's going to be embarrassing for them at school or they're going to, you know, I don't want them to, I don't want to be using them endlessly but while they're this small. Also the thing things things things things things th. The th is th is tho thi thi thi thi thi thi they're thi thi, thi, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're thi. Well, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well, thi. Well, thi. I. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll get, thi. I'll, thi. I'll, thi. I'll, thi. I'll, like, if they've grabbed, I've got a problem in this book, go, what have you? Well, get out of this kitchen because that's what it paid for.

All right, you've got a problem. Get out of the fridge. Yeah, I know. You've got money somehow. It was a world-worn. Well, my, theymea's. funny all right so we only had your sister something a second book deal yeah oh Jen this been amazing thank you so like you could have a plug to your book what's the book again it's called it's called the other mother it's by

myself dim brist and you can buy it wherever you buy a book bookshop online get it get it on Amazon quick and cheaper fuck them shots Rob oh god sorry I'm Rob! Sorry I'm joking. Sorry, I'm joking. It's not joking. He's so not joking. Okay, don't go to the bookshop that goes, oh we shut between three and five.

Ring this number, get in that shop and we'll earn a living. If you want to earn some money, don't fuck about shutting it and then moaning about Amazon, you lazy bast. But, but go to a local bookshop that's open, please get that book. The Other Mother by Jen Brister. Thanks, Jen. Thanks, Jen. Bye. Jen Bristor. I love Jen Bristow, Josh. She's so brilliant. And actually I'm in love and I'm going to ruin her marriage. She's amazing. She's amazing. And her book, The Other Mother is out from all major and unmajor retailers. Twins blows my mind. I still can't quite, not the film.

Just how did they do the prosthetics? Is he really that much bigger than it? Twins, it just, I always used to think before I had a kid. I think Twins would be great. It's now like something that if I used to think before I had a kid, I think twins would be great. It's now like something that if I were to think about having twins just before going to sleep, it would be the kind of thing that would keep me up. Well, my mom's friend had twins and they was identical, so had to paint like nail varnish on one of their toes not now he's like 18 just come here get your shoe off right have you had lunch

oh yeah also as well be honest to be Josh did I undermine the question about the problems facing same-sex couple sending their kids to school by talking up by big fat nips or was it quite a good bridge if anything I think that showed a new and caring light that people haven't seen from you before? I think when you see one of the like big, let's call you the behemoths of British showbiz, right? Behem with the British nipples. Yeah, exactly. When you see them showing that kind of that fragility, I think that's a refreshing,

listen for everyone at home. And I think as a performer, I've always hidden behind this sort of powerful, thiiiiiiii, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, and I, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, thi, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, I'm, I'm, and I'm, thi, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thi, thi, and, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, thooooomoomoomo, thoooomoomorrow, tho, thoooooooooooooooooo. And, the the this sort of strong, powerful, sexy, but silent type vibe. Yeah. And it's good for me to open up and show some of my vulnerabilities. You know what I mean? I'm a bit brando sometimes. I'm sort of the Marlon brand of comedy, aren't I in a way? Exactly.

Exactly. Yeah. I do think if our listeners wanted to, you know, anyone who's good at to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thoooooo, the the the tho, to create the image so that we could all put it, see it and put on the Instagram. I think that would only help you cope with it more. I mean, I think that's great and, you know, to those people that will be now googling an image of Rob Beckett child to Photoshop Big Fat Nips on it, just I think you need to be pushing yourself harder at work or getting a hobby. Because that is too much much that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is too much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much time time thi. whatnot and your Google search. You cannot explain your way out of Rob Beckett as a child so I can Photoshop some big fat nips on. I mean, most people don't Google what they're gonna do with the image.

That'd be an awful, so my history would have to be set on fire if that was a case. But that's what they should do, that should be a new internet law. But what am I doing this for? That, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th, that th, that that that thi. And, that that that that that that that that that that tho, that's to to to to to to to to to to to to to too, too, too, too, too, to to say why are you doing it? Busty, juicy milf. Okay, what am I doing this for? That would actually bring up the picture of you with the nipples. Anyway, so, and just one more time, Rob, could you just take us through the route from Southeast London to Brighton?

Okay, here we go. I'll tell you what, I'm thrown. I'm afraid of that I do use to use use use use use use use use use use use use use use use use use use use use I do, I do, I do, I do use use use use use use use I do I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do use use use that I do use use that I do use use use use use use use use use use use that I do, I do, I do use that I'm that I, I do, I do, I do that I do that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do use that I do use that I do use that I do use use use use use use use use, I do use the the M, I do use the M M M M M M M6, I do use the M-u-I do use the M-u-I do use throwne, I do use throwne, I do use throwne, I do use that I do use the M, I do use the M-u, I do use that I do use the M6 toll if you want to open this up to the northern powerhouse. Right, so thank for listening everyone. Yeah, well you can't put a price on stress. That's what I say about travel. You can actually, ULES. Don't get me started on ULES. I can't drive my fucking Dufth diesel. We'll be back on Friday. Yeah, you're just, to drive a Nissan Cash Guy to Greenwich. Not on. Sadiq Khan, that is not, I don't want to get into a rant about the...

Cheers guys, we'll see, we'll see on Friday. Goodbye, goodbye.